#seeing him embracing his sickness and accepting his little time left is so bittersweet as well

[allonepiece]

there's something about finally seeing roger and his crew in the past that really wounds me

[damiano-mylove]

Slice of Life

Pairing: Josh Kiszka x (mostly)GN!reader

Wc: 1.1 k

Cw(s): Arseholish ex-boyfriend, not just dialogue (tell me if it sucks and should go back to not posting)

Summary: Josh helps you discover how beautiful your slice of life is.

Masterlist

Previously, you had thought you had been in love before. You thought it was true, that it would last forever and ever - but nothing like that, out of a storybook, could ever have the legs to last forever. After all, forever is a long, long time.

You thought love was him pulling out your chair for you at dinner, then tucking you into the table. You thought it was the rich bouquet of flowers after fights. You thought it was letting you sleep in on weekends. But you were wrong, and that mistake lead to one of the lowest points of your life.

Then again, it lead to Josh.

After a few days of crying, you needed something other than work and your flat. So you took the beautiful Saturday to yourself. After wandering the chilly streets of the city, you stumbled upon an art gallery. You entered, forgetting your previous lover had been an artist - remembering only once you came across a massive canvas of the two of you in embrace.

You sat on one of the benches that littered the room. Your eyes refused to betray the canvas, but tears began to flood your eyes. How the fuck could he still enter that portrait, after he was caught red-handed? Thrown out of the flat you shared, which was under your name.

"I was hoping you'd come here," David whispered, his voice low and relieved. You didn't look at him as he sat beside you, putting his arm over your bent back. "It was meant to be an anniversary surprise, now it's just an apology."

"Well, that'd be a grand gesture if an apology actually came out of your lips," you sighed. You were embarrassed by the other patrons, looking at the two of you on the bench, then the two of you on the wall. You were tired and sad and this certainly was not helping. Standing up, you looked at David. "You really fucked up, David."

"You never call me David." His voice broke a little. Leave it to him to try and make it seem like you were the monster, breaking up with him, even after he fucked his best friend's girl, in your bed.

"What a shame for you," you replied in an irate tone. Taking a deep breath, you patted his shoulder. "I hope you're doing well and I hope I never see you again."

Before he could say anything else, you left. Tears no longer remained in your eyes. There was a certain amount of closure you got that day, that would be enough for you to finally get back on with your life. It had been so long since you'd been without David, it was refreshing.

You were content with being single.

Until you laid eyes on that curly brunet.

Months after David, you found yourself in a clothing store. It was a sort-of boho vibe in the store - lots of cotton, wicker, tweed and denim. And there he was. Perusing the women's trousers while you looked over the men's shirts. Both of you kept throwing looks to the other, just narrowly missing each look.

It didn't take long for him to come over and talk to you.

"Shopping for your boyfriend? Is it his birthday or something?" He asked you from over a rack. You chuckled, shaking your head.

"No, I just like clothes that fit me like ocean liners," you responded. The beautiful man smiled to you. "And you? Getting your girlfriend some jeans?"

"Far from it - I just needed some jeans that don't give me a cardboard box illusion." You laughed at his joke. His eyes sparkled under the dark LED lights above. "How about a drink sometime? Show each other the outfits we've bought?"

To say it caught you off-guard was an overstatement. You were just a bit...shocked. This guy was bold, he was beautiful, he was funny. And he went for you. The dots didn't connect in your mind, but you gladly accepted the invitation and Josh gave you his number and name.

You had to thank David. Without the bittersweet goodbye at the gallery, you wouldn't have wanted to still dress the same as you had. You wouldn't have been in the store.

The pub was just the first date of many. The second was a garden gallery, given it had just turned April and the flowers were coming out. Your third was to the cinema.

You had thought, surely, the honeymoon period would end after a few months. Josh would lose his allure, get annoying, become more of a liability than a partner. You were expecting it, you were ready for it.

It never came.

Months flew by and you realized that the honeymoon period had never ended. But all the signs were there. Josh was annoying and loud, but it had never pissed you off. Josh was a ball of energy, but it never rubbed you the wrong way. And, someway, somehow, he had managed to not even make an off-handed comment.

Josh asked you to move in with him, you agreed, but you had thought, surely, you would get sick of living with him within the first two months. Josh wouldn't clean up after himself, he'd bring people over all the time, he would forget his share of rent but always come home with new clothes. You were, once again, ready for it.

And, once again, it never came.

Instead, you came to the realization that Josh loved you. In a way you'd never expected, in a way that made your soul ache.

He didn't cook and clean by himself, but the two of you would equally split up household duties. If you cooked, Josh would do up the dishes, and vice versa. If Josh swept, you mopped. Josh, your beautiful boy, never expect you to be perfect, just that he would always have you in his arms as you two slept through the nights that were far too short.

When the two of you got into fights (it was unavoidable, but very rare), Josh made sure it was resolved by the time the two of you went to sleep. The two of you would talk it out (only once did you ever raise your voice, and you knew it was a mistake as soon as it happened, then it never happened again). Then a plan would be drawn on how to avoid the problem, how to fix it, so on and so forth. But Josh always followed through.

The love you and Josh shared, the life you shared, wasn't out of a crumby old storybook written by the Grimm Brothers. It was real. It was real life and the best possible version of it there had ever been. Onlookers envied you, your friends and siblings cheered you on.

Josh helped you realize the beauty of life, among other things. You realized true love is balance. You realized that love isn't a constant race, it's a comfortable marathon. You realized how much you loved your own slice of life, with your beau by your side. And you couldn't ask for anything more.

[woozisnoots]

losing you | yoon jeonghan

° pairing: jeonghan x f!reader, jun x f!reader ° genre: soulmate!au, bittersweet angst ° summary: losing me is better than losing you. ° word count: 1.5k ° warnings: implied death but details aren’t explicit! i promise the fic itself isn’t bad >< ° a/n: TEEHEE @vibecheckvernon​​ SURPRISE I’M UR TCT SECRET SANTA !!!! 😌 posted this a little later for prime angst reading times :D I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT CHRISTMAS!!! p.s. pls don’t sue me i love you <3

inspired by: @95boysbe​ ‘s fic, ‘when you love someone’ (tysm for all of you for helping me find this again! 💓 pls go check out their work as well!) + wonho’s song ‘losing you’

masterlist!

jeonghan has no intentions of going to his family’s christmas party. at least not this early. looking into his appearance in the mirror, he wraps the red checkered scarf around his neck so the ends nicely drape over his white long sleeve shirt tucked under his matching sweater vest. a festive look to hide away his disinterest buried in his “enthusiasm”.

“daddy, are you not coming with us?” jeonghan jolts by the sudden tugging of his sweater from his side, looking over, forcing his eyes to meet with his daughter’s watery orbs.

he crouches down to one knee so he’s completely eye level, tucking in the loose strands of hair behind her ear. “not yet sweetheart. daddy’s gotta pick up a few things for the party.” he opens his arms wide for the tiny human to bury herself in a bear-like embrace. 

“stay by mommy’s side at all times, okay?” the little girl steps back to face her father, her hands gripping onto jeonghan’s index finger. “promise?” he continues to persist until she sniffles a series of nods. a small melancholy smile creeps onto jeonghan’s face as he wiggles himself out of her powerful grasp and cups her cheeks, creating small circles on her soft cheekbones with his thumbs. 

“good girl. i’ll be back before you notice i’m gone.” 

the walk there is shorter than jeonghan was expecting and it almost makes him sick to his stomach. he wants the anticipation to subside by the time he gets there, yet at this rate, he would arrive with nothing but the swell of guilt weighing down inside of him. 

the winter chill makes him shiver, hiding his balled fists in his pockets. the farther he walks, this once familiar street slowly turns into the abyss as the fog erases his footsteps along with the glimmery lights surrounding him. but jeonghan is only focused on the dark pathway ahead of him. weeks after hearing the news, and an additional few months of “recovery”, his imagination has conditioned him for far worser environments than some cold weather. 

the field of clean cut grass beside him is now closed off, barred by a wired fence painted white indicating he was getting close. it was a foolish thing really. this entire time, from the moment jeonghan left the house until now, he’s been trying to find the right words to say to you. what he would say to you if you were willing to hear him out. question he desperately wants answered. jeonghan lowers his head, scoffing under his breath knowing you probably would have. even though he knew himself that he didn’t deserve it. and neither did you. 

he comes to a pause at the entrance, reaching out to maneuver the chains that lock the gateway. taking a slow deep breath in, jeonghan looks up before entering the place of the dead, only to see that you already had company. 

the hint of discomfort causes jeonghan’s body to stiffen - the sight of an tall, unfamiliar man here with you triggering his fight or flight response, his instincts urging for the first rather than late. why would he be at a place like this? and on christmas no doubt.  

jeonghan takes his time walking towards you both, eyeing his physique up and down from afar. as he got closer, he examines the man’s notable facial features. the longer he stares, the more confused jeonghan gets causing him to crease his eyebrows. neither of you know him. jeonghan shakes the thought away- no, he doesn’t know him. maybe within the time you were away, the two might have met. jeonghan keeps his mind neutral, accepting all the possibilities. 

the mysterious man dressed down in this cold december, notices jeonghan walking this way before he could stop in his tracks to presenting himself in front of you. chuckling at the grimace look on jeonghan’s face. 

as respectful as he could possibly mutter, jeonghan opens his mouth to speak, “who-”

“so you must be yoon jeonghan,” he’s quick to cut him off, knowing exactly what might be running through his mind right now. he nods his head towards him, acknowledging the new, delighted presence that fills the air. “my name’s jun.” he watches as the imaginary fumes streaming from the top of jeonghan’s head start to dissipate. “a friend of hers back in america,” he lied, not that jeonghan would ever know anyways. “she talked a lot about you. it almost got annoying. 

just like how jeonghan did, jun studies him in his entirety. a smirk forming on his lips finding that he looked exactly how you described. as well as his own description: a good for nothing low life with faltering loyalty. jun scowls at the ring wrapped around jeonghan’s finger. “talk about that red string of fate, huh,” his words protrude the thick musk that wavers around them, finally breaking jeonghan’s walls. “don’t mind me though. i’m just here to pay my respects as a friend,”jun says, his words laced with sarcasm. 

jeonghan freezes in his spot, feeling only a tingling sensation in his fingers and toes as the flood of memories of the two of you replay in the back of his mind. the entirety of your childhood, including your teenage and what was there for your college years. until the dreaded day you decided to leave. “so, you knew?” he whispers more so for his curiosity rather than looking for an actual answer. 

and from the look on jeonghan’s face, jun could tell. “yeah,” he says just enough for jeonghan to hear. “i knew a lot.” he averts his eyes away from the soft hearted gaze that now appears on jeonghan’s face. 

jun may not have known you the same amount of time as jeonghan did. but the way you wore your heart on your sleeve despite being so vulnerable even after the fact, jun can pluck out things even jeonghan probably never noticed. how jeonghan could ever leave his soulmate for someone else, jun will never fathom at the thought. 

but jun knew your side of the story, how you felt watching your soulmate drew you guys apart. no, he wasn’t your friend per say, not in his official title anyway. when you were admitted into the hospital, jun was only there as a volunteer. he had a responsibility to look after all his assigned patients as comfort companions through their clinical care, including you. 

you were the hospital’s one exception. at the point of your critical condition, doctors truly didn’t know when the time would pass. knowing no one else in the states aside from your family, jun soon became your side by side as hospital bed buddies. and hated every moment of it. 

he hated the way you smiled so brightly for him every day despite how sick you were. but stare blankly at your food whenever it came to you and end up not eating. he hated how you easily created friendships with the nurses and other caretakers at hospital, including himself. but refused to take your medication. he hated how fondly you talked about love when you weren’t feeling it. he hated hearing the sniffles that came from your room every morning after he clocked in. he hated it so much that you still smiled saying your soulmate's name even though he was doing the same thing for someone else. in the end, jun was too late to tell you all that.

fate, being the sick bastard that it is, has jun meeting the one person he actually came to hate. and he’ll do one better. just like how jeonghan never got to know about your true feelings and conditions, jun will never tell him how much he truly cared for you. how he was entirely convinced he, a person who wasn’t even destined to have a soulmate, could fill the void that jeonghan had left. 

the longer jun stands there, the small pit of anger quietly begins to boil and that was his cue to leave. he avoids eye contact as he stirs away from the flowers he left you and tries to make his exits, stopping at his tracks when jeonghan speaks once again.

“then can i ask you something? your opinion as her friend. since you know,” he hiccups, the words coming out a beat too late. his voice also shaky, not knowing if it was due to the cold or the rise of his nerves. 

jun leans on one leg, stuffing his hands in the side pockets of his leathered coat. he almost says no. he wants to say no. “shoot,” sounding unbothered. 

“do you think she’d still want to be my soulmate in a different life?” 

jeonghan’s heart churns at his own question, as does jun’s. he could have asked any other question, but out of the hundreds he accumulated in the mile walk here, jeonghan figured this was the one that jun could at least give some thought. 

jun takes a sharp inhale in, his nails forming small crescent moons into his palm. with a heavy sigh, he turns back around and scoffs at the sight of jeonghan tearing up in front of you. and with gritted teeth, he responds.

“of course she would.”

[airi-p4]

From above the stars - Chapter 7

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | ... 

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Sorry for the long wait! I’m not forgetting about this story!! I love it and I’m stopping overthinking it so it can progress at last. I hope you enjoy 💙

Chapter summary:

Gabriel offers Marinette something unexpected she can't refuse. At the same time, Luka stops coming to the cemetery, and she can't help but worry: he had promised her he wouldn't disappear...

AO3

___________________________

CHAPTER 7 - Lost

Marinette was staring at Luka's only message on her phone, dated from the previous morning (the one he sent to confirm his contact), when she received a SMS: Gabriel Agreste.

She felt uneasy from being summoned again by her late ex-boyfriend's cold father, but despite hating the idea of meeting him, she got ready to pay him a visit. Gabriel Agreste received her coldly as always, but this time, instead of mourning his son, he had an offer she didn’t expect.

"Marinette. I want to reassume the fashion business. I need someone talented to take care of the designs of Agreste’s future collections and I’m confident you could fill in for that job position. I've seen your sketchbooks and Adrien was right: you're very talented."

Marinette didn't know what to say. It's true Adrien had mentioned showing her designs to his father, but he always ended up apologizing because, in the end, Gabriel would never listen to him. Marinette didn't have much time to think as his suggestion progressed.

"Bring me a few new designs the day after tomorrow and we can discuss this matter further. Take it as a test to see if you’re fit for that job position" He asked.

"The- the day after tomorrow…? I- haven't drawn much lately, I'm not sure I can-"

"I'm sure you won't disappoint me. I would really appreciate it if you joined the Agreste empire. You're the only one I can trust"

Marinette felt sick. Not only because of the autoritharism he launched towards her, but also by the word 'trust'. Was it fair he ‘trusted’ her when she was already moving on from the love she used to have for Adrien- his son? Wasn't she betraying both father and son if she accepted Gabriel Agreste's offer? What options did she have, though? She couldn't refuse- she had had her part to blame for the accident and had to take responsibility for her actions. For Adrien...

"Thank you, Mister Agreste. I- I'll try…" she answered unsecure.

"Good. You can go now. You have some designs to work with. See you the day after tomorrow, here, at the same time"

Marinette nodded at Gabriel's cold back in front of her before passing through the main gates of the mansion to the street. She would have been happy to receive a chance like this when she dated Adrien, but now…? She wasn't sure if she wanted it anymore. She knew she needed a job other than helping at her parents' bakery, but how was she supposed to design anything after months without properly working on her fashion designs? Moreover, working with Gabriel made her uneasy. She could already feel the pressure on her shoulders from a task she shouldn't have trouble to accomplish under normal circumstances. These weren't normal circumstances. She didn't belong to the Agreste family anymore, yet she couldn't find the courage to tell Mister Agreste- or worse: to disappoint him. He needed her and she didn't want to fail his expectations- especially when she felt she was partly at fault for his son's passing.

Snapping from her never-ending thoughts about her new job offer, Marinette checked Luka's message on her phone again. ‘Thank you for today’. No matter how many times she read it, it never failed to help her find some calm. Unknowingly, she would always embrace her phone and smile at it. 'I want to see you' Marinette thought on her way to the cemetery, after buying some flowers.

___________________________________

Marinette knew she was supposed to work on her designs instead of waiting for Luka, but she couldn't stop herself. She waited, patiently, for hours, even for longer than the time he usually left… but nothing: he didn't come.

It wasn't like him to miss his visit to his sisters. Plus, he had promised her he wouldn’t disappear as long as anything unexpected happened. Marinette became anxious. 'Did anything happen to him? Did he catch a cold during the chill night? Did he become wary of her for depending and relying so much on him? Was his promise out of pity?' She couldn't know the answer.

Lonely and distracted, she went to Trocadero, where she usually hung around- either to babysit Manon, to draw and design or on her dates with Adrien- a place full of memories and her favorite corner in Paris. She expected to find the inspiration that used to overflow whenever she held a pencil in her favorite drawing spot.

She sat at the stairs and looked at her surroundings: the majestic Eiffel tower in front of her, the merry-go-round at her right, with cheerful children playing on it, the candy and ice-cream stalls at the left side. A pair of skaters racing, couples, families and groups of friends were also what Marinette's eyes usually enjoyed observing. She tried to look for inspiration on the landscape, but nothing. Her eyes may have been looking at Trocadero, but her head was somewhere else: Luka. She couldn't help but worry something bad may have happened to him.

Inspiration didn't hit as she called it a day. Still concerned, she read Luka's message again before going to sleep.

________________________________

The next day the story repeated: her last message was still not marked as read, and Luka didn't appear at the cemetery. Two days in a row without him was starting to be too hard for her heart. She spent the afternoon at Trocadero again, and when she didn't expect it, as a way to cover her impatience and negativity, her solitude, her fears and her desire to meet him became her sole inspiration.

The morning after, Marinette woke up early to go to Agreste's mansion. Gabriel welcomed her with a hug, and soon he asked for her sketchbook. The old man's strict eyes observed: every detail, every color, every choice of fabrics… Marinette could feel his judging eyes on her through her pencil-drawn sketches.

"Marinette" Gabriel called after closing the sketchbook, and turning to face her with piercing eyes. "What's the meaning of this?"

"I- My new designs…" she answered, scared of his glacial look on her.

"This… this is absolutely worthless" he coldly stated, startling Marinette. "I can understand the negative and longing feelings, but this?” he signaled. “This is not Agreste's style. Can you imagine Adrien wearing any of those? What were you thinking? I'm so disappointed…" he sighed.

Marinette gulped and her body was trembling, afraid of the cold man in front of her. She should have imagined her drawings would turn out to be not of Gabriel's likings. It was obvious they didn't fit with Agreste's style, with elegance and high-class as its trademark. She had been inspired by Luka, and the rock style of her newest drawings screamed his name everywhere. But it was the only thing she could come up with in her state, no matter how hard she tried.

"I'm so sorry… Let me re-do them, please" she begged, seeing the chance she had always dreamed about vanish before her eyes at that instant.

"You have one more day. I have great expectations put on you, Marinette. Show me your true potential- the designs my son was fond of"

"Yes sir. Thank you" she bowed her head, quickly excusing herself to walk through the main gates. She was trembling like a little mouse in front of its predator. She needed to throw out those disgusting feelings of inferiority and devaluing. She needed to recover her steady breath and calm. She needed Luka's presence close to keep her feet on the ground. She needed him to keep her sanity.

But, once again, he didn't come to the cemetery. Another day without him around. Another day with growing anxiety and worry. Another day of painful loneliness… but new designs still needed to be done...

Back at Trocadero, she decided to try to keep her head occupied with her drawings. She tried remembering her dates with Adrien- or what she used to base her designs on before.

She remembered walking hand in hand with him, sharing André's ice-cream, sharing one spoon, and being scolded by a baby's mother when she tried to give her baby a candy from the candy stall. She also remembered bumping with the flyer man- Mr Banana- when she had been rushed by Adrien, all his papers flying and scattered on the ground. She still felt a little bad for not helping him recover his flyers (especially when Adrien stepped on some of them). She also remembered riding the merry-go-round with her ‘Prince’ and she, his ‘Princess’. She remembered picnics with their best friends, too. Even the selfish, prideful and arrogant Chloe, Adrien's childhood friend, had finally accepted her as Adrien's girlfriend in front of the Eiffel tower. She wondered where her past friends were now.

The memories she had now were bittersweet- happy but also sad. How much truth and how much fantasy was in her memories? Adrien's perfection had been an illusion of hers. And their mutual friends 'friendship' appeared to be so too, when they hadn't called her in months. At least Chloe still greeted her when they met in the street, and she still brought Adrien flowers once a week. 'What was Gabriel looking for in her designs?' she had asked herself. Her answer was clear- 'the illusion of a perfect life'.

______________________________

Gabriel's eyes studied her newest designs the day after. Elegance, class, innovation- Gabriel's lips displayed a faint proud smile under his serious facade and Marinette could finally breathe.

"Marinette. You really are talented. You outdid yourself here" he said, closing her sketchbook to look at her. "I'm going to ask Nathalie to make your designs part of the new collection. With only a few arrangements they'll be perfect. Good job"

"Thank you, Sir", she bowed.

"As promised, I want you to be the new designer of the company. Take it as training. I expect you to become the pillar of this company in a few years". His chin raised to look at her from an upper position. Marinette’s eyes couldn’t possibly open more as she gasped.

"Wha-! With all my respect, I- I don't think I deserve that, Sir" her head sank between her shoulders.

"Nonsense. You're the only one who cared about my son. You're all I have left from him now, my daughter-in-law. You're the only one I can trust" he reassured her with a hand on her shoulders, under his melancholic facial expression. "I count on you"

"Yes, Sir" her mouth automatically responded. Gabriel hugged her in a grateful manner, before stating the work conditions: a full sketchbook of new designs per week. No fixed schedule, just a deadline every Friday. Marinette agreed with the conditions, still doubting her capabilities.

When she stepped out of the mansion, she wanted to scream, to cry, to jump… but most of all she wanted to meet Luka. Three days without him and she already felt like she was losing her mind. She hoped to finally meet him and hug him and tell him how much she had missed him- but nothing: no new flowers on his sisters tombstones apart from hers.

Disappointed and worried, she moved to Trocadero again. Her message to Luka was still unanswered and marked as unread. She contemplated the idea of calling him, but she supposed she would be a nuisance if he was at work- or maybe he was unreachable when he had yet to read her message. She had no claim on him, anyway. There was nothing else she could do. Before she could notice, tears were falling from her eyes.

She must have been showing a very depressing aura, because soon, André Glacier approached to offer her an ice-cream. The candy stall lady offered her a strawberry flavored lollipop and even Mr Banana offered her a paper crafted flower made out of his flyers.

For the first time, Marinette realized she was also part of the landscape she loved the most in Paris, and she was moved by their welcoming affection. The merry-go-round old man also offered her a blanket to rest on the grass. She was exhausted from the swirl of emotions she had been going on these past days and she soon fell asleep. She could have sworn she could hear Luka's guitar nearby- the song he always played- but her eyelids were too heavy to open. 'Luka…' she cried, and she entered dreamland with the feeling of someone's hand softly caressing her hair. Through her almost closed eyes, she could almost swear she saw nails painted in black, but she convinced herself she must have just dreamed it.

That night, she armed herself with courage and sent Luka another message. 'Let's meet tomorrow. I'll wait for you'.

Before going to sleep, she wished to the stars to meet him again… but they must have been angry at her because no one expected a strong windstorm for the next day. Marinette's parents forbade her to go outside in that weather, but she escaped through the back door and fought the winds to go to the cemetery.

'Why am I even here?' she thought, looking at the still unread message. 'There's no way he comes in this weather… I’m such a fool...' Marinette sighed. She could see some tree branches falling down; and cardboards, metallic plates and other pieces of various materials being carried by the windstorm. She sought refuge behind the Couffaine's family mausoleum, wishing for their forgiveness as the clock hit Luka's usual curfew.

He didn't come. Again.

Defeated, she reached for her phone: no new messages. 'What was the point of being there when he was obviously not going to come?' She felt stupid. And maybe she was. She probably was. Stupidly in love, she realized. Was she even allowed to love someone she had hurt so much? Did she even deserve his attention? Or his help? Will he ever come back to her? Was he even real?

She was losing her mind.

The strong howling winds were covering her loud painful shriek. Her hoarse throat felt ready to tear anytime as her crying amplified. When was the last time she cried like that? Right. After her first visit to Adrien's grave- months ago, when she first met with Luka.

"Luka… I miss you… I want to see you… please… I need to know you haven't left me behind too… please… don't leave me alone… Please… I need to know you're safe… I need you..." she cried in exhaustion, her body curled, sinking her head between her knees. With one last check on her phone, she lost all her hope: no new messages, despite the message marked now as read.

He willingly ignored her, she supposed, devastated. He didn't want to meet with her, didn't he? She was abusing his kindness when his suffering was worse than hers. And his sisters… Of course he would secretly hate her… Maybe living had no point anymore, she thought, utterly defeated by the depression she had been fighting since she woke up in that hospital room. Maybe it was her destiny, or a curse. Once again, she was surrounded by her inner darkness.

‘Maybe it’s time to give up…'

"Marinette!" She could hear someone calling. Probably her imagination, she assumed. "Marinette!" The same voice repeated- Luka's voice. She thought she was at the border of losing her sanity when he called again "Marinette!", but this time he appeared in front of her, sweating, with his hair messy from the wind.

If it weren't for how he ran to hug her immediately, she would have convinced herself he was a product of her imagination. But the touch was real. He was real. And he was there with her. "Luka…!" She cried, clinging to his clothes.

"What are you doing here in this windstorm? Haven't you seen the news? It's dangerous! You could have injured yourself" he scolded her, panicking and worrying. "What would I do if anything happened to you…?" he whispered, so low she wouldn't have heard him if his mouth weren't almost touching her ear.

"Luka... Luka! I was- so scared! And worried! I- I've missed you so much!" She screamed between whimpers, as her arms grip tightened around him.

"I'm here Marinette, it's ok. Sorry for being late" he apologized, hugging her tightly. "I'm so sorry"

"Luka, I-" before she could continue, two voices joined the wind sounds.

"Marinette?" "Marinette!"

"My parents," she gasped, recognizing their voices.

With his usual gentleness, Luka offered her his hand and helped her stand up, but she refused to let go of him.

"Go with them. They must be worried" Luka said in his usual calmed voice.

"But-"

"I'll be here as usual as soon as the weather allows me to. Rest assured". His hands on her shoulders were more reassuring than the unreadable look on his face, but he sounded sincere to Marinette and she decided to trust him.

"But- what happened? Why didn't you answer my messages? She cried. "You promised you wouldn’t willingly disappear and yet… I was so worried something bad could have happened to you..."

"I'm sorry, Marinette… Something happened, it’s true, but-” he looked away and took a deep breath before looking at the directions Marinette’s parents' voices came from. “I'll tell you next time. You better go now. Your parents sound very worried"

"Will you really come again?" Marinette asked, squeezing his hand, scared of him disappearing again.

"I promise. I won’t fail you again” He nodded. “Now go."

Marinette was hesitant, but she finally let go of his hand and started walking towards her parents' voices, encouraged by Luka's hurt smile and his slight push on her back.

"Mom! Dad!" She cried, running to hug them.

"Marinette! We were so worried! Why did you escape? It's dangerous! What if anything happened to you, all alone here…" her mother hugged her.

"No, mom. I wasn't alone… I was with-" she turned to signal Luka, but he was nowhere to be found. 'Did she imagine it?' she frowned her eyebrows in disappointment.

"Let's go home" her father said, with his arm behind her back.

Sad and confused, Marinette looked back once again, wondering if her meeting with Luka had just been a product of her imagination. But when she looked back again, he was indeed there, watching them from afar.

In relief, Marinette waved back at him, but he walked away- not before Marinette's mother caught a glimpse of him.

"See, mom? Luka was with me!" She signaled, noticing how she had seen him too. Sabine’s reaction was not what Marinette expected. She had a look Marinette’ had never seen before on her mother’s face: a mix of anger, sadness and fear. Her words only amplified the bad vibrations she was giving off.

"Marinette. You should stay away from that man" she coldly warned her daughter.

Marinette was confused. "Why?"

"Just stay away from him, please"

Why? Why did she have to stay away from Luka? Why would her mother dislike him? Did she know him? Why did it feel like everyone was keeping secrets from her?

Marinette didn't plan to listen to her mother. No matter how massive was the concern and fear her face reflected.

[kiraakirana]

a place to start - h. kakashi

It has been a few days since the construction next to Y/N's house started. Day and night was filled with hammering sounds, and to make it worse, it was right next to her bed. As a result, she couldn't sleep for days. Kakashi, who had been one of her longest friend, noticed how restless she was because she couldn't perform up to her usual standard during missions.

"What's up with you these days?" he asked while sitting down next to her.

"I haven't slept in days. The construction next to my house continues even at night, damn it," she replied groggily, resting her dizzy head against the tree trunk.

It was a few minutes before Kakashi opened his mouth to speak again but this time, he said something truly out of character, "Want to stay by my place?"

Y/N slowly processed his words and turned his head to look at him questionably, eyebrows furrowed. "I mean, it's okay if you don't want to. It's just that you have low iron or something right? It could take a toll on the success of the mission if you're sick."

Y/N bursted out laughing, hearing Kakashi trying to explain himself while scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. "You know, that was so out of character. You're such a private person so this is kind of new. Anyways, thanks, Kakashi. I'd drop by your place tonight."

-

So that was how Y/N end up on Kakashi's bed while he lied on the couch. It had been an hour since she laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling because no matter how tight she close her eyes, she couldn't put her mind at ease. She saw Kakashi reading his book and sat up. "Kakashi, why don't you just sleep next to me?"

"Huh?"

"Sleep next to me," she said, patting the empty space next to her, "I feel kind of bad if I sleep here and you on the couch. I'm not a messy sleeper, so you don't have to worry about being knocked over," she grins, tucking her messy hair behind her ears.

"Are you sure about that? I'm fine with being here, you know. I usually don't sleep anyway."

Noticing how Kakashi seemed set on his decision of not moving, Y/N walked to him and linked her arm to his, dragging him to the bed. "If I'm with you, you have to sleep. You're going to die from your lack of sleep someday if you keep doing that."

"Is that even possible?"

"I don't know," Y/N said, laughing a little. Kakashi chuckled and ended up sitting next to her, a book on his hand as she drifted off to sleep. When Y/N woke up an hour later to check on Kakashi, she saw him sleeping peacefully. Not used to seeing Kakashi like this, Y/N smiled to herself. She knew Kakashi suffers from insomia due to everything that happened in his past. She can't help but worry about him most of the time, despite knowing how much of an excellent shinobi he is. Therefore she was glad to see him in such tranquility, it's the least she could do.

-

It was around 2 in the morning when Y/N heard Kakashi's heavy and irregular breathing. He was sitting up straight with his hand covering his face. "Kakashi, what happened?" she asked worriedly as she sat facing him.

"Sorry," he whispered weakly, "I woke you up, didn't I?"

Y/N has lost all her rationality and didn't think about it when she pulled him in for a hug, resting her head on his shoulder. She ran her fingers through his white hair soothingly, "Shh, nevermind that." She pulled him closer so that they could share her body warmth since she noticed how cold he was, "It's okay, now. I'm here," she calmly said.

She knew it had to be one of his mental breakdown from a nightmare he must've had. She knew from the longest time that Kakashi was always suppressing his emotions. In a way, they're the same. They both had no one to confide into. She knew how lonely that feeling is, so now that she's here, she didn't want Kakashi to feel go through that alone. She often wished that she has someone by her side during her nervous breakdown, therefore she wanted to be there for Kakashi.

She also knew loneliness is hard to erase, especially if you had been so used to it. But if her presence could make even the slightest difference in his life, then she's willing to do whatever it takes, no matter how long.

She felt Kakashi shivering so she started drawing small circles on his back to calm him down. Once she felt that he had regained his regular breathing, she pulled him away as she stared into his eyes and unmasked face, hands resting on his shoulder.

She started caressing the scar below his eye and gave him a smile. "Kakashi, please know that you're not alone. I will always be with you when you need me, you don't have to shoulder your pain alone, you know. I'm willing to share it with you.

And your past, we both know we can't change them. They make us who we are. In other words, past is bittersweet. But despite everything, despite what your past may be, I'll accept you for who you are. Because the present you has become very important to me," she took a deep breath as she studied his face which he kept hidden from everyone. "And more than everything in the world, I don't want to lose you. So, thank you, for surviving until now."

The next thing she did was something done unconsciously and without much thinking about the consequences it may bring. She rested both of her palms on Kakashi's cheeks and leaned in, planting a soft kiss on the scar below his left eye.

Realizing what she had done, she dropped her hand and hung her head embarrassedly, "I'm sorry." It was also an effort to hide her blushing cheeks because she was feeling hot all over. Has she lost her mind? What on earth was she thinking?

Kakashi suddenly grabbed her hand and brought her closer. There was almost no space between them. Her heart was beating like crazy. She was afraid that he could hear the loud beatings because then he would know how much she's in a disarray right now.

Kakashi looked at her eyes in a way he had never before. There was a hint of gratefulness and determination in his eyes before they dropped to her lips. He leaned in and kissed them slowly but immediately pulled away as he wasn't sure if she wanted it or not.

Y/N who felt her knees went weak, was sure she could turn into a puddle of water at any given minute. She turned her head away, trying to hide the rosy tint of her cheeks. Kakashi dropped his head on her shoulder and said, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

Surprised because he seemed to misunderstand, Y/N grabbed his shoulders and brought her hands to his cheeks before pulling him in for another kiss. This one to reassure him, that she too, felt the same way. For a very long time now, to be honest. But it was today that she finally came into peace with how she was feeling, no longer in denial about it and no longer trying to refuse it.

It was another short kiss. She was nervous and she wasn't exactly experienced on kissing. Kakashi on the other hand, was a very experienced kisser. He knew exactly how to put butterflies in her stomach (an in other areas as well, lol jk).

They pulled away for a second. Registering everything that had happened. Deciding that they both want more since those two short kisses don't seem to pay for the amount of years that they've both spent liking each other in secret, Kakashi leaned in and once he's close enough, Kakashi whispered, "Thank you, Y/N," before kissing her again. This one is long and passionate. She swore to God she could feel Kakashi saying 'I love you' against her lips. Damn, her head's in a frenzy and she felt her entire body heating up.

Still feeling very shy, once they pulled away from each other, Y/N buried her head in the crook of Kakashi's neck. She was a blushing mess. What she didn't know was Kakashi also has the same tint on his cheeks. They both ended up laughing while still embracing each other. Praying to God or whoever it is above to stop the time for a while.

She didn't know what she has done to earn herself a very precious person. Kakashi who was always followed by the shadow of loneliness and thinking he's going to be alone for the rest of his life, questioned himself if he truly deserves such a goddess who loves him for everything that he is.

"I promise I'll always stay with you."

It was a place to start. For the both of them who finally found light in their darkness.

- A/N: I just watched a bit of Kakashi's backstory since I'm still on season 6 of Shippuden, but I can't imagine the pain he goes through at such a young age. I feel like despite Kakashi trying his best to discard his emotions, he'd still be really fragile and nothing comforts him more other than reassurance and appreciation (as much as he hates to admit it). He can be really soft when he finally lets his guard down with the person he trusts (and believe me it takes tons of years for this man to open up but once he does, he'd turn jelly around you and becomes a big puppy who just wants to cling around you) or in other words, turns into a completely different person who craves affection. Ok that's too long for an author note lol. bye guys.

oh and i found the picture on pinterest but i couldn’t find the artist so you can notify me if u know who the artist is and i’ll credit them!

[vostokovasmelina]

loyalty.

for anonymous.

pairing: tommy shelby x fem!reader

word count: 1.6k+

warning: this starts out slightly smutty, so don’t be too surprised; also a little bit of death and a whole lot of messy writing

request: Can you write something for Thomas with #3 of the fluff list and #2 of the angst list with the reader being kimbers younger sister and Tommy heavily falling for her but the Shelbys are against it and want to talk him out of it but she's the one who kills Kimber in order to stop the war between them and the shelbys and they realizes she's good for him

prompts:

fluff #3 - “I think I’m in love with you.”

angst #2 - “Please, don’t go out that door.”

a/n: i know this was requested for the blurb week but it’s too long and i like this idea too much to only write a blurb, so here it goes; my brain is also struggling to function properly, therefore this is trash but i gave up trying a long time ago

His hand was resting lazily on your stomach, weighing it down just the right amount to call it pleasant. You could feel the warmth of his hand, the perfect contrast of the cold tips of his toes tickling your feet. You let out a silent sigh and turned your head towards him slowly, fingers trailing unrecognisable patterns on the back of his hand. Your heart jumped up into your throat at the sight of him- so raw, so human as he was sleeping soundly in your bed, under your blankets, next to you, his body warming yours all night long. Oh how you wished the morning hadn’t come so early, the time for goodbyes hadn’t approached so rapidly. You wanted this moment to last forever, you wanted Thomas Shelby to stay in your bed and never leave it again.

You were watching as he blinked his dreams away and laid his gaze on you, a soft smile lingering in the corner of his mouth. You shifted closer under his arm and he pulled you towards himself, his left hand grabbing the soft skin right above your butt with the right amount of force. Tommy pulled you on top of himself and you obliged as his right hand traced its way up your spine, awakening goosebumps everywhere they went and delicate fingers finally arrived at the back of your neck to tug gently but with passion at your H/C locks. You leaned down and your lips crashed with unappeasable hunger on both sides, yours parting just slightly to give way to your tongue into Tommy’s mouth. He let out a throaty groan as you positioned yourself on his bare thighs, your soft skin getting close enough to his crotch to tease him and you pulled away just enough to give space to a playful smile creeping its way onto your face.

“I think I’m in love with you,” Tommy mumbled into your open mouth right before biting down on your bottom lip and now it was your turn to moan and his to smirk. 

“Yeah? What would your family say, Mr Shelby?” You teased, your grip on his throat tightening just enough to make his breathing a tad more audible and his eyes filled with lust as he raised his glance at your ruffled hair and parted lips. Right before you could lean back down, Tommy grabbed your waist with both hands and threw you on your back, earning a surprised gasp from you as he climbed on top of you, his weight pushing you into the mattress. He buried his face in the crook of your neck, peppering your soft skin with gentle kisses before leaning in to whisper in your ear.

“Who the fuck cares what they’d say?” He finally replied, making you grin and you could’ve sworn you had found your place among the stars when Tommy kissed your lips as if his life depended on it.

However, deep down, you knew that you cared and you knew that no matter what he had said, Tommy cared, too. After all, you were the member of the Shelbys’ biggest rival clan and it didn’t matter that it was practically only your name linking you to the Kimbers. It also didn’t matter that you were neutral to all their businesses and didn’t even know the details of any of them- all the Shelbys heard was your surname and it was enough for them to paint a picture of you. A picture they would definitely not make a part of their collection. And no matter how hard Tommy had been trying to make them accept you and believe you when you said you didn’t share your brother’s views, they stayed entirely uncompromising. You didn’t even ask them to fully lay their trust in you- you simply wanted the Shelbys to accept the fact that he clearly loved you and you loved him and to leave you and Tommy alone.

You even accidentally eardropped on one of Polly and Tom’s conversation about the topic when the older woman thought they were alone. It was more like a monologue than a proper conversation, really, and most of it was Polly Gray accusing you of crimes you had never committed even in your wildest dreams. She seemed so eager to remove you from her nephew’s side that you just knew she had already made up a horrifying backstory to scare Tommy away and would have used it against you if you hadn’t cleared your throat behind her. That was the moment the pair of Shelbys realised you had heard everything.

Tommy’s gaze softened as he spotted you, only to turn cold again when you sent him a sad smile, picking your coat from the hanger and nodding at Polly who simply frowned at you in return. Your boyfriend pushed himself up and out of the chair and called out for you right before you could turn the doorknob.

“Y/N! Please, don’t go out that door,” he pleaded, finding himself exactly in the middle between you and his aunt. You shot him one last regretful glance before turning and stepping out into the cold Birmingham night, but Tom had already made up his mind and his aunt wasn’t enough to stop him from following you, choosing you over peace in his family. And you might have been the happiest person alive when Tommy pulled you into himself from behind and accompanied you home that night, but it also meant that you would have to put up with your own family’s bullshit as well. You were not easily intimidated by your brother’s methods, but you were sick to the stomach of always having to hide the man you loved from his men in order to not get Tom killed.

As he placed one last kiss on your lips and slipped out of bed to get dressed, you turned on your side to watch him doing so, trying to enjoy your final moments together that day. You swallowed hard to get rid of the bittersweet taste in your mouth but the closer you got to the moment Tommy would leave, the harder it got to ignore your feelings. It was exceptionally difficult to say goodbye to him now that you knew where he was off to.

“Are you sure guns should be involved?” You questioned, your gaze following his every movement.

“This is a question you should be asking your brother,” Tommy murmured, tying his shoelaces and putting on his peaked hat, offering you his hand one last time. You hesitated before taking it and let him pull you out of your warm and messy bed and into his embrace. “I can take care of myself. And there won’t be blood shed if we can talk it out,” he promised, raising your hands to his lips to shower them with soft kisses.

“Oh, I know that. It’s my brother’s intentions I’m worried about,” you added, leaning your forehead against your boyfriend’s, inhaling his familiar scent deeply as if you were trying to engrave it into your memories.

“I’ll take care of him,” he whispered to you, his voice hardly audible. Little did he know that you had already decided you’d take care of your brother yourself.

Tommy didn’t take his eyes off of you the whole time while they took your brother’s lifeless body away, his blood leaving a long trail behind him. When you appeared with the gun already cocked in your hand, Thomas was going to jump in and pull his own trigger, protecting you from your family’s wrath and revenge. However, you were determined and you were going to go through with it, not even Tom being able to stop you. And even after you had seen the bullet from the gun in your hand break its way into your brothers skull, you felt nothing even close to regret. He had pushed you away a long time ago and was only a shadow of the person you remembered him to be once, so it almost felt like killing a stranger, a rival even. But as easy as pulling the trigger was, recovering from the shock your first kill had caused you seemed to be a rather difficult task.

Tommy finally approached you and turned you away from the sight of your dead brother, burying your face in his chest and ordering the Peaky Blinders to deal with your family, so they wouldn’t get the chance to take their revenge. You gripped Tom’s shirt, the smooth material wrinkling between your fingers and his own slender ones sent shivers down your spine as they traced their way through your hair.

“Why did you do that?” You heard him whisper in your ear, not quite believing that any of this had just happened. Tommy couldn’t help but blame himself for letting you do the dirty work, his dirty work, for not stepping in sooner and stopping you from dipping your hands in your brother’s blood. He had never wanted for you to get a taste of this life, because once you had, there was no going back.

You finally pushed him away from you so you could look around freely, searching for any of your family members hiding somewhere and waiting for the perfect moment to put a bullet through your head. However, you could only see the Peaky Blinders standing in a messy circle around you, all of them looking you up and down as if you were the oddest creature they had ever seen.

“What the fuck?” You heard John yell from behind you but the only thing you cared about at that moment was Tommy’s pale blue eyes piercing into your tired E/C ones and his lips slightly parted in a failed attempt to say something. You offered him an exhausted smile, one that was mostly visible in the corner of your eyes and took his hands gently in yours.

“It was time I had shown loyalty.”

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Forever

Duo Shot: Stendhal Syndrome Part 1: Brat

Intro: It’s Rori’s fifth birthday party, and there’s someone there who Katie doesn’t really appreciate hanging round her man. And Steve doesn’t really appreciate Katie’s attitude either.

Uh Oh….

Warnings: Bad language.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N: This was a one shot. I got carried away and wrote 24 pages. So now you have a duo shot thanks to that photo sending me to a dirty place. No smut in this one…but it’s on its way in the next part! 

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Stark Spangled Forever Masterlist // Main Masterlist

 May 2029

“Katie…” Steve called up the stairs. He waited for a moment. There was no response. “Honey?”

Still nothing.

He bounded up the steps, taking them two at a time and headed over the landing and into their room. He paused in the doorway, smiling gently as he saw his wife curled upon the bed, Harry snuggled into her, his head tucked under her chin as they both slept. He wasn’t surprised they were both flat out. They’d had a rough time with the tot the previous night. He had woken up at about 2 am crying and Steve had gone into find both he and his bed full of vomit. After they’d cleaned him up he’d continued to be sick, grumpy and teary, and hadn’t settled even when they’d brought him into bed with them. Eventually Katie had given up and taken him downstairs. Steve had initially gotten up with them but Katie had sent him back to bed pointing out that one of them needed to be with it enough to look after the others the day after. It was also an unspoken fact that they both knew Harry wouldn’t settle for his dad when he was like this. Steve thought Jamie was a momma’s boy but that was nothing compared to their youngest.

He gently closed the door and headed back downstairs and into the den where Jamie was sat cross legged on the rug faffing with some Lego and Rori was perched watching The Wizard of Oz.

“Guys, what do you fancy for lunch?”

“Are you making it?” Jamie looked up at him. Steve snorted.

“Fraid so pal. Momma’s asleep with Harry.”

“Is Harry still sick?” Rori looked around, her eyes wide.

“He’s ok sweetie.” Steve assured her “He just has a tummy bug.”

“Or he ate your cooking.” Emmy said from behind Steve as she passed him heading into the kitchen.

“Enough cheek thank you.” Steve said, raising an eyebrow at her back. He heard her chuckle as she opened the fridge.

“Jamie its ok…” she called “There’s left over lasagne.”

“Yesss.” Jamie said, jumping up off the rug. “Mom’s lasagne is the best.”

“Daddy?” Rori spoke again, her round green eyes looking at Steve.

“Yes baby?”

“Will Harry be ok for my birthday party?”

Steve noticed her biting her lip, the same expression Katie wore when she was worried. With a soft chuckle he crossed the room and knelt down in front of her. “Of course he will, it’s not for another week yet.”

She considered his answer and nodded. Steve reached out and gently tucked her dark hair behind her ears. It was then he noticed her lip wobbling.

“Hey…” he said, frowning, as he stood up to sit besides her. She crawled onto his lap and tucked her face into his shirt “What’s wrong?” She sniffled slightly and pressed her face further into his chest. Steve gently rubbed her back and stayed still waiting for her to speak.

“Jemima at school…” she sniffled, and Steve took a deep breath. He knew where this was going. “Her brother got sick and he dieded.” “Ok…” he said gently, “Jemima’s brother was very poorly. Harry just has a tummy bug. I promise you Rori, he’s not going to die.” She sniffed again and looked up at him “Pinkie promise?”

He smiled and held up his hand, little finger extended “pinkie promise.” She mimicked him and intertwined her small finger with his before she reached up and wrapped her arms round his neck, nuzzling her head into the space against his cheek.

“Why is your face always scratchy?” she asked and Steve gave a laugh.

“Blame your Momma, she won’t let me shave.” he said and Rori pulled back, her little hands raking into his beard. He playfully snapped at her fingers with his teeth, a loud clicking noise sounding as he bit onto thin air and she giggled.

“You gonna come get some lunch?” he looked at her. She nodded and he stood up with her in his arms, carrying her through to the kitchen where Emmy was already halfway through making a salad to go with the leftovers which were heating in the microwave.

“Thanks Em.” Steve said, dropping Rori onto a chair by the table before he moved over to grab some plates.

“Think we should save mom some?”

“No it’s ok.” Steve shook his head “if she’s hungry when she wakes I’ll make her a sandwich.”

Emmy nodded. “Oh, I thought Peter and Brooke could come over later, if that’s ok? I mean, if Harry’s not still sick.” “They can come over anyway, it’s fine.” Steve said, “Harry will most likely be upstairs anyway.”

“We were just gonna hang out by the pool for the evening…” “Em.” Steve chuckled “It’s fine…” and then he paused and smirked slightly as he looked at her “You want the beer don’t you?”

She wrinkled her nose and nodded.

“There’s plenty in the bar…just don’t get that drunk one of you drowns.” he said after a pause. “Explaining that to Peter’s Aunt or Jennifer would be a bit awkward.”

“Thanks dad.” she smiled at him.

They ate their lunch, the 4 of them chatting away, Steve pleased to see Rori was settled now, her earlier upset forgotten. Once they were finished Emmy took Rori and Jamie out into the garden to play on the jungle gym whilst Steve cleared the dishes. Every so often he glanced out of the window to see the kids playing a soft smile on his face. He enjoyed days like this, weekends or during the holidays when they were all together. It was just a shame their brother was too poorly to join in. He called out of the open door to tell Emmy he was nipping upstairs before he repeated the journey he had taken a little over and hour ago, checking his watch.

Katie glanced up as he opened the door, her finger on her lips.

“Hey…” he whispered.

She smiled and gave a soft yawn “How long have I been asleep?”

“Not sure sweetheart.” he said, “I came up about an hour or so ago and you were flat out.”

She gave another yawn and Harry stirred gently, his hand rubbing at his eyes before he settled back down. Katie gently felt his head.

“He’s not as warm as he was.” she said as Steve gently perched on the bed, smoothing back his son’s dark blonde hair.

“Rori got really upset.” he said, smiling softly “She mentioned Jemima’s brother.”

Katie sighed and frowned “Yeah. It was hard trying to explain that when we heard the news. Is she ok?”

“She’s fine.” he assured her “Gave her a pinkie promise Harry only had a tummy bug so.”

“Daddy’s girl.” she smiled and Steve gave a gentle chuckle.

“Peter and Brooke are coming over later.” he said “Emmy wants to hang out in the pool house with a few beers.” Katie smirked “You’re definitely going soft in your old age.”

“Well Emmy is 21 now so I can’t stop her and as for Pete and Brooke, well, sooner they do it here than in a bar.” he shrugged. “You want some lunch?”

Katie shook her head “I’ll eat later.”

Harry stirred again, only this time he grumbled slightly and blinked, opening his eyes sleepily. He looked at his momma before he nuzzled into her closer, his hand winding into her hair as he started to grizzle slightly.

“Hey baby…” she said, kissing his head.

He mumbled something again, his noises not quite forming into words yet, still being half asleep, and then he turned his head to peek up at his dad.

“You ok Pal?”

Harry eyed him for a moment before he moved and held out his arms in Steve’s direction. Slightly surprised Steve moved to take him in an embrace as the little boy snuggled into his chest and Steve kissed his head. Katie smiled, the sight of Steve with his kids was something she would never get tired of. Being a father brought out all his best qualities, just like the serum had amplified them, having kids had too.  He was loving, patient, gentle yet strong, stern and happy to deal out the discipline when appropriate.

She sat up, pecking him on the cheek at the point where his beard met smooth skin. “You know you might not have the shield anymore but you’ll always be their superhero.”

********

Much to Rori’s relief (and everyone else in the Rogers household for that matter) Harry’s illness only lasted 24 hours and he was back to his cheeky, happy little self the next morning. Arrangements pressed ahead for the party, it wasn’t a huge gathering-namely Rori’s closest friends from school and family- which was to take place the weekend before her birthday.  As she shared her day of birth with her late uncle, Katie always found the day a little bittersweet but she tried to keep any of her sadness and nostalgia at bay for the sake of her little girl and focus on the celebration instead.

By 2pm in the afternoon their garden was packed with 7 other 5 year olds, a couple of parents and the usual additional suspects, namely Morgan and Pepper, Jennifer and Brooke along with Bucky and Sam. Rori had stipulated that she didn’t want any games or anything, just to play in the garden on a bouncy castle with some “Princess Punch” which was basically pink lemonade full of chopped up strawberries and raspberries, something her dad had made her one day and she insisted that no one else could make it the same. So, that’s what she had gotten.

“So who’s the blonde Katie’s throwing shade at?” Sam asked as Steve handed him a beer. Steve groaned. Rori’s best friend, a girl called Aurelia was obviously at the party. And so was her mother. A certain Dani-with-an-I, the real-estator who had shown them around the first house they had looked at in Brooklyn all those years ago But, as Steve knew only too well, his wife held a grudge better than anyone he had ever met in his life.

Ever.

Sam gave a loud snort of laughter as Steve explained about the whole incident when they’d been looking round the house and Dani flirting with him whilst Bucky took another Asgardian beer from the stack Steve had placed in a specific chiller in the garage and popped the top off effortlessly with his metal hand. The three men emerged out of the side door back onto the garden, taking up their spot by the side of the garden overseeing the proceedings whilst the women were perched on the decking which ran flush along the back of the house. Katie was milling around the garden somewhere, making sure everyone was ok.

“Bet that makes for interesting conversations when Aurelia comes for sleepovers…” Bucky mused.

“Katie’s not callous enough to have issues with a child simply because she doesn’t like her mother.” Steve shook his head, immediately defending his wife. “In fact she’s nothing but welcoming to her, she’s Rori’s friend after all. She just keeps any exchanges between her and Dani to a minimum.”

“Well, you best watch your back…” Sam said “Because it looks like she’s heading over.”

Steve sighed and spun round to face Dani as she approached him.

“Hi Steve…”

“Hey Dani.” he said “Everything ok.”

“I don’t want to cause a fuss but, well Jamie and Morgan are causing a bit of an issue.”

“Issue?” Steve frowned. At that point Rori came running over to him, tears flooding from her face. “Princess…” he crouched down. “What’s wrong?”

“Jamie and Morgan are throwing those little ball thingies that bang at everyone!” Rori said, stamping her feet. Steve glared up at Bucky.

“I told you not to give him those!” “I aint given him any for weeks!” Bucky held his hands up. “He’s clearly stashed them…I’m sorry Rori…”

“What have you done now?” Bucky turned to see Katie stood there, her eyebrows raised, sunglasses perched on her head as they acted like a headband, keeping her long hair off her face.

“Given Jamie contraband.” Sam said.

“Those damned firecrackers?”

Bucky shrugged.

“You’re an ass.” she said to him as she crouched down to look at Rori. “You ok sweetie?”

“He keeps throwing them at me!” she yelled.

“Ok…” Katie soothed her, and Steve took the opportunity to glance at his wife. She still knocked him off his feet after all these years. Her make-up was light, leaving those freckles he adored on show, and the pale yellow and blue maxi dress she was wearing complimented her amazing figure and curves to perfection, leaving her shoulders bare bar the thin spaghetti straps which crossed at the back. And it was low cut enough that Steve could see a fair bit of sideboob as well. Which he would never complain about. She turned to Steve, raised her eyebrow as his gaze lifted from her chest to her eyes. “Did you hear a word of that?”

“No.” he said honestly. She snorted.

“I just said that you’d go and speak to Jamie and Morgan.” she said, nodding to Rori.

“I’ll deal with your brother, I promise…” Steve confirmed “Go and play and don’t worry about it…”

He wiped her tears away with his hands, gave her a kiss and stood up

“Where are they?”

“By the side of the pool house.” Katie responded at the same time Dani said the same thing.

“We got it, thanks…” Katie looked at the woman. She nodded and sidled off, Steve ignored the look of utter glee that Sam and Bucky shared at the fact Katie was getting all “Starky Snarky” as Sam called it. Katie watched her leave before she turned back to Steve, ignoring the look he was giving her. “Spotted the little shits before.” she continued “They’re trying to hide behind the stack of sun-loungers”

He nodded, dropped a kiss to Katie’s lips and headed off to find the trouble makers. He took the long way, striding round the edge of the pool so they wouldn’t see him coming. He stood simply watching them for a moment. Jamie and Morgan were thick as thieves. With little over a year between them, they’d practically grown up as brother and sister, which Steve and Katie loved, but they were a recipe for trouble. With Morgan’s cleverness and Jamie’s penchant for mischief they made a right pair. Jamie said something to Morgan and she sniggered and they both stood up which was when Steve made his move. He gently grabbed Jamie’s collar and the back of Morgan’s top, pulling them back, ignoring their yells of protest as he bent over.

“If you two don’t stop right now, you’re gonna be in big trouble.” his voice was low and steely as he spoke and the pair of them stiffened slightly. He let go and stood up, hands on his hips.

“Dad, we were only-“

“Son…” Steve cut him off, holding his hand up in an instruction to stay quiet “Just don’t.” He held his palm out in front of him “Hand em over…”

With a sigh and a scowl Jamie emptied his pockets, Morgan following suit and they both passed Steve the small boxes of the little white firecrackers.

“I mean it you two. One more toe out of line…”

“Sorry Uncle Spangles.” Morgan bowed her head.

“It isn’t me you should be apologising to” he said, looking at the 10 year old. She was getting more and more like Tony with each day that passed. He felt a little pang for his brother-in-law as he looked into her brown eyes and took a deep breath, his voice softer when he spoke again “Go and say sorry to Rori, both of you.”

********

“What’s Morgan done?” Pepper asked as Katie headed up to the decking.

Katie snorted “Her and Jamie have been throwing firecrackers.”

Pepper groaned “I’ll have a word…”

“It’s ok… Steve’s sorting it.” Katie shrugged “No biggie, just being kids…”

“I don’t understand how she can be so like Tony when he’s not around.” Pepper said gently.

“Stark DNA.” Katie grinned, “it’s strong.”

Pepper snorted. “Yeah, it must be.”

The two women watched as Steve spoke to the kids, taking the boxes off them before dismissing them. He strode across the lawn, looked up at Katie and gave her a smile before he made his way into the garage to dispose of the offensive ‘weapons’.

“Where did they even get them from?” Pepper asked.

“Bucky” answered Jennifer and Katie the same time. Katie glanced back over the garden, everything seemed to be back to normal. Her eyes fell on Dani who was now stood with one of the other mums that Katie had been speaking to earlier.

“Who’s that?” Jennifer asked.

“Some tramp.” Katie shrugged.

“Her name is Dani.” Pepper snorted “With an I…”

“Was she the last Trashbag you had to take out one morning?” Katie asked. “She mentioned something about that last time I met her and she does look a familiar.”

Pepper snorted. “No…she never got there. Not for the lack of trying. But you’re right, she does look a little like Christine Everhart.”

“Of course…” Katie snorted, “Christine…”

Katie wandered through from the kitchen in her cami and short pyjama set, clutching a bowl of cereal, groaning at the raging headache she was sporting. She was visiting home for a week or so to attend the Apogee Award ceremony in Vegas, which was honouring her brother. Pity he hadn’t actually cared enough to attend himself, instead living it up in the Casino. Obediah had accepted the award for him and then she’d continued drinking with the rest of the party that had turned up…and continued the drinking on the private jet home.  As she shuffled into the living area, she stopped dead looking at the blonde woman, dressed in nothing but one of Tony’s shirts as she sloped around their living area. Another one of Tony’s bimbos that he picked up in Vegas and flown home with them. Said bimbo made her way over to the pad that led to the workshop and pressed a few buttons.

“Hey, Tony?”

“You are not authorized to access this area.” Jarvis said, making her scream and jump. Katie sniggered.

“Jesus.” the woman said.

“No, JARVIS…” Katie spoke loudly and the woman span around. “He runs the house.”

“You must be Katie…”

“And you must be Miss Saturday.” Katie shrugged, sitting on the sofa “Well, for this week anyway…”

“Christine…” she said. “We met last night…”

“Yeah I don’t bother learning names.” Katie shrugged. “They never last long enough for me to give a shit.”

At that point Pepper walked into the room holding up a clothes carrier.

“I’ve got your clothes here. They’ve been dry-cleaned and pressed, and there’s a car waiting for you outside that will take you anywhere you’d like to go.” She said, smiling at the woman.

“You must be the famous Pepper Potts.”

“Indeed I am.” Pepper smiled.

“After all these years, Tony still has you picking up the dry-cleaning.” she commented sarcastically.

“Bitch.” Katie said loudly. Christine looked at her but Pepper simply remained still and smiled, her tone pleasant and even.

“I do anything and everything that Mr. Stark requires, including, occasionally, taking out the trash.”

At that Katie choked slightly on her cereal and looked up as the smug bint’s smirk slid off her face.

“Will that be all?” Pepper asked.

Christine took the hangar and sidled off.

“Taking out the trash…” Katie grinned “Pepper that was fucking genius!”

Pepper arched an eyebrow.

“Where is my dickhead brother?”

“Where do you think?” Pepper asked.

Katie hummed and put down her empty cereal bowl before she made her way through the door Christine had been trying to unlock and down to Tony’s workshop.

“JARVIS, lower that racket…” she muttered.

“Certainly Miss Stark…” 

The noise dimmed and Tony wheeled round “Please don’t turn down my music” “Good morning to you too.” Katie rolled her eyes “Last night’s conquest has left. Pepper just threw her out.”

“Speaking of which, you are supposed to be halfway around the world right now.” Pepper appeared but Tony wasn’t listening.

“How’d she take it?” He looked at Katie. 

“Like a champ.” she shrugged.

Tony grinned and then turned to Pepper “Why are you trying to hustle me out of here?”

“Your flight was scheduled to leave an hour and a half ago.”

“That’s funny, I thought with it being my plane and all, that it would just wait for me to get there.” Tony quipped sarcastically.

“Tony, I need to speak to you about a couple things before I get you out of the door”

“Doesn’t it kind of defeat the whole purpose of having your own plane if it departs before you arrive?” Tony continue and then Pepper’s voice rose.

At that point Katie groaned and decided she needed to go to bed before she split for her own flight home and left them to it. 24 hours later she was back in London, getting the notice from Rhodey that Tony was missing…

Laughter dragged Katie back out of her memory and she wiped her eyes slightly, memories of her brother still hit her hard. She turned to catch the last of Pepper’s explanation about Dani’s ‘antics’ at a Stark Party once to which Jennifer, Emmy and Brooke were all laughing along with as Pepper glanced at Katie.

“What is she doing here anyway?”

“Well, her daughter happens to be Rori’s bestest friend in the whole world.” Katie said, repeating the words Rori used to describe Aurelia her “And of course when I asked a few parents on the invites to join, she jumped at the chance.”

There was a pause as they all continued to watch the woman as she tilted her head back and laughed at something that one of the other mom’s had said.

“Is her hair even real?” Emmy asked suddenly.

“Nope. And neither are her tits…” Jennifer mumbled. “Aint no way she’s had a kid and they’re still…” she grabbed her own breasts and hoisted them up, causing all the women to snigger into their drinks.

“Momma?” Katie spun to look at Rori who was grinning up at her mum.

“Hey sweetie” Katie smiled, crouching down “You ok now?”

Rori nodded “Please can I get a drink?”

“Course you can baby…” Katie smiled “Why don’t you go ask daddy to grab you some of the Princess Punch?”

She gave her daughter a kiss on the cheek before she skipped off down the lawn to where Steve was stood with Bucky and Sam. Katie watched as he immediately looked down when Rori tugged at his black jeans. With a huge, genuine smile he swept her up, her legs causing Steve’s sweater to ride up and at the flash of his toned stomach Katie bit her lip.

“Down girl..” Jennifer mumbled and Katie snorted.

“That obvious?”

“You’re not exactly subtle…” Pepper smirked “That’s the Stark in you.”

Behind her she heard Emmy groan before Brooke quipped “Em, not being funny, but your dad is hot.”

“Fuck off.” Emmy shot back as Brooke cackled “That’s disgusting.”

“His best friend ain’t bad either…” Jenifer mused, cocking her head to one side as Bucky reached up to gently ruffle Rori’s hair, and then tilting his head towards her as she reached to do the same to him, a huge smile spreading across his face.

“Eww.” Brooke groaned, and this time it was Emmy’s turn to laugh.

“Speaking of which, where’s Peter?” Katie turned to Emmy.

“He’s dropping May and Happy at the airport and coming down later…” she said, a faint pink tinge on her cheeks. Katie looked at Pepper, the pair of them smiling to one another. Emmy and Peter had been pretty on and off over the last 5 years but seemed to have been going pretty steady over the last 12 months.

“Which reminds me, can you tell Dad and Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee to behave?” Emmy looked at her mum “They’re always teasing Pete…” “That is a right of passage.” Pepper said wisely “Tony was a shit to Steve when he started dating Katie.” “Tony was a shit to Steve way before that.” Katie grinned “But I gotta admit, he was never that pleased about how he found out.” “Which was?” Jennifer looked her.

“He walked in and found us in the kitchen half dressed…” Katie shrugged “Was his own fault, he should have knocked instead of swanning into my apartment like he owned it.” “Yeah, I don’t…” Emmy started before she shook her head “Shut up!”

“Erm, where are you two off to?” Katie heard Pepper say and she looked up to see Morgan and Jamie half in, half out of the kitchen door.

“The den Auntie Pep.” Jamie answered. “Gonna go watch a film.”

“Least you can’t cause any trouble in there…yes, I heard.” Pepper said sternly “Another toe out of line Morgan H Stark and I’ll take you home.”

“Sorry Mom…” she said, and Pepper dismissed her.

Katie smiled again and her attention turned back to the party. She glanced over the garden and was just about to head down to mingle again, not wanting to leave the rest of the parents feeling awkward when a certain blonde haired tramp caught her attention. She watched her for a moment as she walked over to Steve and then stiffened slightly as she touched his arm, but then she stepped way over the line.

“Oh hell no bitch…” Katie’s eyes narrowed as she saw Dani kiss Steve’s cheek.

“Kick her ass mom…” Emmy mumbled.

“Hold my beer…” Katie said, before she paused “Actually, on second thoughts… I’ll take the beer with me…”

“$50 dollars says Trashbag is leaving here in a box…” Brooke quipped. Pepper, Jennifer and Emmy all sniggered.

********

After getting Rori a glass of punch and retrieving another 3 beers for him, Sam and Bucky, Steve headed back across the lawn, Rori still following him.

“Daddy…” she spoke again.

“Yeah?” he looked at her.

“What are tits?”

Steve choked on his beer and heard Sam’s guffawing laughter from the side of him, punctuated by Bucky’s snorts.

“Ermmm…” Steve wiped at his sweater where his beer had slopped down the front and racked his brains “They’re a type of bird…” The laugher and snorts grew even louder. Steve looked at Rori who was frowning before she shook her head “Why would Aurelia’s mommy have fake birds?”

At that Sam began to cough, and Steve looked at him. He was doubled over, slapping his knees. Bucky was wiping his eyes and gave Steve a thumbs up. “Fake birds, I can’t…”  Bucky’s hand fell to Sam’s back as the pair of them continued to laugh.

“I don’t know…” Steve looked at Rori. “Who said that anyway?”

“Jennifer.” she said, and Steve rolled his eyes and glanced over at his wife who was stood, looking out over the garden. “Well Jennifer is just being silly.” Steve looked back at Rori “Don’t worry about it.”

Rori accepted his answer and ran off.

“You can stop laughing now.” he turned to his friends.

“Man, I love your kids.” Bucky said as Sam straightened up, wiping his eyes.

“Yeah well right now they’re behaving better than their mother.” Steve frowned.

“I dare you to say that to her face.” Bucky smirked “And whilst you’re at it, you can tell Jennifer you think she’s silly…”

Steve shook his head “I’m quite attached to my balls thanks, and I’d like to keep it that way.”

“Good luck with that…” Sam said, “Blonde haired real estator at 12 o’clock.”

Steve let out a silent groan, he really didn’t need this.

“Steve…” he felt an hand on his arm.

“Yeah?” he turned to face Dani, polite as always.

“I’m sorry about before,I didn’t want to get the kids into trouble.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Steve shrugged “Jamie and Morgan are a handful together.”

Dani laughed, and then stood on her tip toes to kiss his cheek. Steve hadn’t seen that coming. He stepped away slightly and gave her a smile as she looked at him.

“Well, Aurelia was really upset so thank you for sorting it out…”

“Wife…6 o’clock…” Bucky mumbled. But he needn’t have bothered, Steve knew his wife was behind him even before she slipped her arms round his waist, the hand that wasn’t clutching the beer bottle gently slipping under his black sweater, rubbing his stomach softly. He smiled to himself, knowing full well she was here to make a point, and gently placed his large hand over hers.

“Hey beautiful.” he said softly and Katie felt that fire in her belly light even more at his soft words.

“Hey…” she mumbled, pressing her face into his back, gently kissing between his shoulder blades through his sweater before she moved and slid into the space under his arm, placing herself between him and Dani. Steve rolled his eyes at his wife’s passive aggressive display of possessiveness and glanced at Sam who was grinning ear to ear, watching the exchange.

“You know, Mrs Rogers…” Dani smiled at Katie, ”I was just wondering if we were past the formalities of using our surnames now seeing as our daughters are inseparable? ”

She started to laugh and Katie continued to smile before she replied “Nope, I’m good with Mrs Rogers thanks.

Sam started to cough, which was clearly to cover up a laugh. Steve looked at him to see him smirking ear to ear.

“How’s your husband?” Katie looked Dani. “I don’t see him…”

“We’re not together anymore.” Dani said, her smile faltering slightly

“Oh, sorry to her that.” Katie replied, although her tone said otherwise “Guess he wasn’t a fan of you touching what doesn’t belong to you either.”

Dani’s face slipped, but luckily for her one of the other mom’s called her name and she excused herself. Katie watched her go before she felt Steve move his arm from her shoulders.

“That was mean.” he looked at Katie, his brow furrowed.

“I don’t like people touching my stuff…” Katie shrugged.

“You’re a fucking brat.” Steve said sternly, his face displaying no humour. Katie was completely unabashed by his tone and shrugged again

“I warned her last time I’d snap her hand off. She got off lightly.”

With that she turned and walked back towards Pepper and Jennifer. Steve watched her go, his face flushed with anger at her childish display.

“Damned…” Bucky whistled out. “I know you said she could be vicious, Steve, but wow…”

“I think that’s called marking your territory.” Sam quipped as Steve shook his head, the nerve in his jaw twitching.

“It’s called being rude.” He said, before he drained his beer and tossed the empty into one of the recycling tubs by the table “Scuse me fellas, I need to go have a word with my wife…” Bucky and Sam watched as he strode across the lawn, hand pushing his hair back off his face. He reached Katie, acknowledge the women before he gently wrapped his hand around her arm and bent to speak into her ear. She looked at him, frowned, and then allowed him to lead her inside.

“So now they’re gonna have a row and then angry sex, right?” Bucky looked at Sam. Sam nodded.

“Totally…shall we join the ladies?”

“Good idea.” Bucky agreed.

*******

“Uh oh Dad’s approaching…” Emmy said to her mum.

“Is he pissed?” Katie asked, grimacing slightly. As soon as he’d chastised her before she knew he wouldn’t leave it there and she was going to get a lecture about her attitude.

“He’s wearing his Captain’s face…” Emmy wrinkled her nose.

“Shit…”

“A word, inside now…” Steve’s voice was quiet, calm and level as he gently gripped Katie’s arm, but she recognised the icy tone it carried. Frowning slightly, she let him take her hand as he led her inside and through to the lounge. Steve shut the door behind him and Katie watched him, cocking her head to the side.

“Was there any need for that?” he said looking at her.

“For what?”

“You know damned well what.” he said, his voice still low as he raised an eyebrow “What you said to Dani, it was rude.”

“Whatever.” Katie rolled her eyes.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me…”

“Don’t speak to me like I’m one of the kids…” she shot back, her voice slightly louder.

“Well stop acting like one of them.” Steve’s hands dropped to his hips. “The dig about her husband was awful, you do realise he cheated on her right?”

Katie’s face slipped a little “No, I didn’t…but, hang on, how do you know that?”

“She told me, the other week when I dropped Aurelia off home.”

“Oh so you’re like friends now, she confiding in you?”  Katie’s tone was steely.

“No, she just mentioned that she was grateful for us having Aurelia because she’d had an appointment with the solicitor. So maybe, just maybe you should think about apologising.”

“Piss off…” Katie laughed in disbelief. “She kissed you on the cheek…”

“And?” Steve frowned “You forget that plenty of guys do that to you…”

“My or our friends, yeah. She is NOT my friend Steve…”

“Do you seriously feel that threatened by her you have to be so downright nasty?”

“I’m not threatened…look, like I said before, I told her last time she touched my stuff again and I’d snap her wrist. She got off lightly.”

Steve shook his head at his wife, he loved the bones of this woman but sometimes her behaviour drove him up the wall. She could be so petty and obtuse it was ridiculous.

Rogers by name, Stark by nature.

There was a tense silence which Katie broke.

“Are we arguing still?”

Steve sighed “I’m not arguing with you, I’m just pointing out I think you were out of line. If you don’t think you were then that’s your prerogative.” Katie hummed, before she grinned and looked at him “Wanna go fuck in the Camero like last time?”

Steve shook his head, she was unbelievable.

“No.” he said simply, turning to open the door. But Katie wasn’t giving up that easily.

“Shame, because I’m not wearing any panties.”

Ok so that got Steve’s attention. He let out an inward groan as frankly, that sex they’d had in the garage after the previous Dani incident had been hot as fuck but no, he wasn’t giving in here. What was it she always told the kids? “Actions have consequences”

Damned right they do sweetheart.

He turned back to face her, his back pressing to the door as he glanced down at his hands, the sleeves on his sweater were rolled up slightly exposing his forearms. He raised his gaze to meet that of his wife’s and damned, he nearly caved, because she really did turn him on more than she would ever know. But right now, he wasn’t giving her what she wanted.

He sighed and repeated his earlier statement to her “Such a fucking brat.” before he turned and walked out of the room.

Katie remained where she was, stunned. For the first time ever, in their 16 years of being together she had failed to seduce her man.

Part 2

[justalittletomato]

Nightmare  (sad Dad!Maul drabble)

A/N: sometimes i write fluffy things, sometimes angsty things, but there are those moments where I get some really sad ideas with bittersweet endings. 

Warning: Nightmares, rats, animal death, implied death, panic attack

*Please let me know if there is anything else i need to tag in this

Also as for the lullaby I had this playing as inspiration from the  Promised Neverland  Isabella’s Lullaby https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTJjtSP-ORc&list=RDrTJjtSP-ORc&index=1&ab_channel=Lindea 

Synopsis: Nightmares can emulate small fears or concerns but when Maul is involved his nightmares make it hard to tell what’s real and what’s not. 

 It started with a scratch, an odd sound, but then again the palace was full of such occurrences, there were so many places that creaked and echoed.

Likely noises that might disturb his little one’s sleep.  Maul reaches a hand out, hoping to reassure his little one he was near. Instead of the soft purple blanket his hand touched a metal surface. Maul immediately opened his eyes, rather than  the tiny baby there was a  beady eyed rat, its jagged teeth bared at him. The loathful creature screeched  as it gnawed into the trash its fur black and slick with who knows what.

No.

The metal surface was rusted under him, he dared to look around, mounds of trash and decay, the same beady eyes rats scurrying around him. all screeching and fighting another off for scraps.

No.

A fire, a pitiful thing  burned in the center of the underground hovel its flames throwing shadows around, each gnarled and twisted. Its light revealing the decrepit waste that had been his domain for more than 10 years.

Lotho Minor, he was back on Lotho minor.  

He struggled to get up only to fall back down, Maul looked back, the tangled spider body he had fashioned was now a part of him again, twisted and put together in haste, rusted and stitched together like a macabre sketch,  maybe it always was present. He could feel every poke and ache in his bones and skin, ever present and forcing him to claw at his own flesh to rid of it.

He must have dreamed  of his supposed brother.

he had never been to the planet Mandalore.

He did not conquer it with is brother at his side.

His mind was cruel enough to dream up of Y/N. He felt sick.

It seemed ironic that his mind dubbed her starlight,  something to be wished on always out of reach.

It dawned on him that his mind also was twisted enough to conjure up that little one.

Of course he couldn’t have that, his mind was the only thing to both gift and curse him with the dream of  having that little one who smiled when he saw him and reach up with his tiny hands to be held.

He was nothing, he was fear and filth once again. All that spilled from his lips were screams, no words, just pained screaming.  

He gripped at the horns that had long been neglected, grown too long and gnarled and continued to scream.  

He had never left, and nothing could get him out not even dreaming.

The being originally known as Darth Maul crushed yet another rat in his grip, almost mindlessly, letting it weakly gasp its last breath as it went cold in his hand.

He heard another scratch from behind him, this was one sounded different to the screeching of the rats.

He moved away from the pile of bodies he left to rot. The scratch morphed, it sounded odd, like crying, Maul grew angry at it what dared come in here, the sounds emitted from the nearby pile of metal and trash.

Whatever it  was, it was crying.

Not for long.

Maul pulled away at the plates and debris, it was definitely crying, underneath it all a bundle of blankets wriggled  a purple knit blanket with the crying creature inside, Maul growled at it, the crying intensified, the sounds grating his ears.

HE WANTED TO SILENCE IT. He clawed at the bundle, pulling it out from the junk.

A small red face looked up at him wide eyed and teary, Maul snarled at the face causing the creature to scream in terror.  

He screamed back at it.

It again only cried louder, the sounds echoing through the walls of metal and forgotten relics left to rot.  

HE WAS TIRED OF IT 

Maul raised an arm, his claws at the ready  to end its crying once and for all,

“Oh don’t cry little one, Mommy’s here.”

Maul opens his eyes, there’s no fire, or the sounds of scurrying rats, his body isn’t prickling and the room smells of spiced tea.  It is colder than he would like but he is bundled in blankets, their touch soft on his skin, he looks about him the bed is empty. Maul couldn’t breathe and threw off the covers, his legs were metal yes but only two, and not spider like appendages. He covers his mouth to give out a soft cry of relief.

“Shh, little one Daddy’s sleeping.”  Y/n’s voice carries into the room he’s in, Mauls follows it like a lifeline his hands touching the walls to assure himself that this was real.  

She is sitting at the bow window, the pale moon behind her. It’s light not bright enough to illuminate the whole room but enough to bring comfort to a mind plagued by nightmares. She is dressed in a satin night gown that practically glows with the light of the moon behind her, it’s almost a holy sight to the images Maul has had in his mind. Y/N is focused on the purple blanket in her arms,  its tiny occupant whimpering as his mother gently soothes him with a soft lullaby.  Maul grips onto the door, the sound has Y/N look up with an apologetic smile, “Sorry darling someone just…Maul?” 

She moves to stand. He’s gripping onto the door staring at them as if he was seeing a ghost, terrified and with no light in the golden eyes she loved so much. She steps forward  only for Maul to rush towards them and embrace them both, mindful of the small bundle between them, Maul has a hand in her hair and presses his forehead to hers. “You’re real. I didn’t dream it all.” he’s shaking as he weakly coraks the words out.

He recalled the last moments in that dreaded place, he had almost, he sees his child nestled in Y’/N’s arms crying , he had just wanted silence.

She wants to cry now, what tortures did his mind give him? 

“Maul, breathe, just take a breath. Yes, we’re real my love.” She is kissed all over her face, he says something she doesn’t understand and swears that tears are dropping onto her cheeks. Y/N  can hear his breathing get harsher struggling to even let out small gasps, “Maul sit, sit and breath.”

She gently nudged him Maul more or so collapsed  onto the seat by the window and tried to breath. She sat next to him, still holding onto the whimpering bundle with her arm bringing maul close to her so he knows she is real and touching him, “My poor boys are having such a night,” she tries her best to hush them both. Y/N considers another option, “ Maul hold out your arms but remember breathe”

Maul does as asked as Y/N places thier son in his arms, the familiar weight a comfort.  This time he looks at the tiny red face and accepts that his crying right now and finally breaths in fully in a shuddering gasp . He knew what he had done in that hellscape. He r reaches to stroke the little ones face, soft and warm. Something he couldn’t think of harming, he rocks the little one close to his hearts.

This is real. This is now.

The little one still whimpers and maul os still crying silently. his starlight wrap her arms around them both and begins to sing her lullaby for the both of them, not caring as her own tears begin to fall.  

They will talk about the nightmare later, right now all Maul needed was to know was that Y/N and Cress were very real and they were all together.

[soukokuwu]

FYODOR DOSTOEVSKY

THE LITTLE THINGS

》 look! no trigger warnings because FLUFF ♡

》 fyodor x reader

》 word count: 1.9k

》 thanks anon for the request, i tried my best with this fluff and i hope you like this (〃ω〃) i had to google the russian words i hope i got em right..

“no other dream would be better”

“I knew you’d miss me but I didn’t think you’d miss me that much.”

Gasping, you leaped up from your position on the couch where you had been replaying the old videos you took on your dates. You scrambled to turn the television off, and stood rooted where you were, flustered, your right leg brushing the back of your left sheepishly.

“Fyodor! Wh- when did you get back?”

The man gave you a once-over, amused by how adorable you were being. The watching of the nauseating videos aside, there were other signs that showed you missed him. You were wearing his casual shirt as an oversized dress, your hair pulled up into a messy bun with a pen that he gifted to you, and you had been cuddling with a bear that he won for you. It practically screamed ‘Fyodor’, head to toe. Like a little fangirl.

How cute. How interesting.

You were still as pure and predictable as you were when the two of you first met. Despite being with a man such as he, you were still the same annoyingly helpful and caring being you were. You never let other people’s evil deeds toward you change your view of the world. You wanted to do whatever you could to contribute to the good, ideal world you sought. The two of you didn’t talk much about that, but Fyodor knew enough to respect your outlook on it.

“Is that all you have to say after not seeing me for a month, lyubov moya (my love)?”

Pushing your embarrassment aside, you grinned up at your boyfriend and ran across the room into his arms. You breathed him in, only realising now just how much you truly missed him. You hugged him tighter, afraid that if you didn’t he’d slip out of your reach again. He was really back, and you couldn’t be happier.

You knew how dangerous it was every time he went off on one of his ‘missions’. Depending on who he would have to face, it could very well escalate into a life-or-death situation. You had spoken about your reservations to him before, but he simply asked you to trust in him and his ability. Needless to say, he was baffled you’d think anyone could actually kill him. He saw himself as practically a god. Given that you were someone whose opinion meant the world to him, he was very offended that you could even think that. That conversation ended with the two of you compromising, where he would update you at least once every one or two days, and in turn you would try to stop overthinking things.

Now that he was back, you felt the weight lift off of your shoulders. He’s safe, he’s really safe. His arms made his way around your waist, accepting you in a tight embrace. You felt as though your heart could burst at any moment. It has been way too long since you’ve last felt your lover’s touch.

Fyodor’s cold, thin fingers made his way up to your chin, tilting your face upwards to press his lips against yours. Your hands were wrapping themselves around his neck when you felt something on your head.

Your eyes shot open, and you saw Fyodor flashing you a smirk. Your hands traveled up to your head, and you felt the familiar feel of fur.

“Is this-?”

“Your own Ushanka, milaya (darling).”

He noticed your eyes glimmer with appreciation as you fixed the position of the hat. Fyodor chuckled silently as he watched you with curious eyes. He had seen you don his ushanka before he left for his mission, and while he pretended he didn’t catch you doing that, he couldn’t quite forget how beautiful he thought you looked wearing it. The image of you was burned into his mind, and he couldn’t forget it even when he was busy carrying out his plans. That was when he made a mental note to get you one for yourself.

“Thank you,” you gushed, face red as a cherry as you beamed up at him. You then stood on your tiptoes to give him a quick peck on the cheek. But as your lips brushed his face, alarms set off in your head. “Are you running a fever?”

Oh no.

- - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -

At the dining table, Fyodor propped his head up against his fist as he finished up the last of the grilled chicken breast you had cooked for him. You were washing the pan at the sink, still going off on how he should take more care of himself while he was away.

The past ten minutes had been filled with you nagging him on his almost non-existent eating habits, as well as his horrible sleep schedule, insisting that he had to be more careful due to his anemia. There was a time when Fyodor found this terribly exhausting, but as time passed, he saw past the lectures and realised it was your way of saying you loved him. So this time, he took it all in, basking in the idea that he was the only one to receive all your affection.

“Here,” you prodded at him, gesturing to the cough syrup you had placed in front of him.

All the pleasant thoughts in his head earlier vanished and turned into dread. Not that. He had had to drink that the last time he fell sick, and it was foul. It worked wonders, but it was horrible. Fyodor didn’t know what came over him, he became so openly clingy with you the moment it was in his system. It was like barf in a bottle.

“Try to hide the disdain from your face, will you?” you asked of him, twisting the bottle cap open.

“You know,” Fyodor began, leaning forward to cup your face in his hands. “I don’t know how much of my luck was used up in meeting you. I love you.” His purple eyes were locked straight into yours, entrancing you. His smile was different than usual, this one was mind-numbingly sweet.

Just as he leaned in to kiss you, you put your index finger up to his lips. Fyodor gave a slight frown as he looked at your unamused expression. Damn.

“Nice try,” you said, rolling your eyes. “You need to stop saying that every time you want to get out of something.”

A spoonful of medicine and a change of clothes later, Fyodor sighed. He lost that one. Noticing your smug smile as you took a seat beside him on the couch, he flicked you on the forehead.

“Plokhaya devochka (bad girl).”

You furrowed your brows as you rubbed your forehead. “What does that mean?”

“Se-cr-et.”

There was your signature pout, right on cue.

Fyodor absolutely loved it when you got confused over the Russian terms he used. You were already stunningly beautiful yourself, even with a stoic expression you were positively captivating. Pair your natural beauty with that adorably puzzled expression and you looked even more exquisite than usual.

He found himself smiling as he thought of that, aware that the medicine was getting to his head, starting to take effect. Maybe allowing you to see this side of him once in a while wouldn’t be too bad. Giving in to the drowsiness, he slowly laid his head down on your lap, choosing to gaze up at you from below. “I did mean it, you know.”

“What?”

“What I said before you force-fed me that spoonful of vile potion.”

You chuckled at his exaggeration. Smiling down at him, you pulled apart the hair covering his face. “I love you too, Fyo,” you whispered, noticing that his eyes were gradually getting droopier.

You sang softly along to the song playing on the television, lulling your exhausted lover to sleep who was mumbling, “Your voice is so... angelic.”

It was quite a rare sight to see the usually calm and confident demeanor of his fade into something sweet. Only in sickness would this behaviour appear, and you felt so bittersweet about it. You wished he would show it more often, but you knew that was not the kind of person he was. And you still accepted and loved him for it, all the same.

- - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -

Fyodor awoke in the middle of the night. He opened his eyes only to find that your eyes had been replaced by the plain ceiling staring back at him. A blanket was draped around him, and your lap had been replaced by a mere pillow.

Not good enough.

Slowly, he sat up, the medicine still causing a little giddiness. As he looked around, he spotted you just inches away from him, engrossed in your work. You were busy sketching away on your notepad, with only the faint light of your phone as a source of illumination.

His heart warmed, and he wasn’t sure whether it was an effect of the medicine or the fact that you were being so considerate of him. But the moment he saw what you were sketching, it felt even warmer. A realisation dawned upon him. You were always putting your own needs aside for him, regardless of the situation, big or small. You always thought of him, even if you didn’t get anything back for it. You deserved more, and he wanted to give it to you. He waited for you to finish your sketch before getting down and nestling up to you, wrapping his lithe arms around your body and resting his head in the crook of your neck.

“Fyodor?” you exclaimed, surprised that you didn’t notice him get up.

“You should frame that up, it looks amazing.”

He was referring to the sketch you did of the two of you reuniting in a hug. You felt proud of the validation he gave you, glad that he liked it enough to want it hung up in the apartment.

“Wow, Fyo, you can be such a softy sometimes, you know that?” you teased. 

You had expected him to give you some sort of witty or unsatisfied reply, but you didn’t see this one coming.

“I know I can be difficult,” he murmurs in your ear, voice still thick with sleepiness, “But if you can help it, please don’t leave my side.”

A part of you was squealing with delight at his sudden confession, another part feeling worried why he was saying such things with no warning. Usually he’d never let words that heavy with affection slip from his mouth. What was it that led him to say such things?

But there was another part of you, an overwhelmingly large part, that felt more love for him than you ever had before. Yes, it was tasking being with a man like Fyodor. Not just because he was so sharp and smart, not only because you felt he deserved someone much better than you in every way, be it looks or status, but because you thought that much of him. There were instances he referred to himself as a god, and you never questioned him. You only questioned your ability to keep up with such an astounding man. But maybe this was his way of assuring you. With the little things. And it may not be conventional and he may not ever be straight with his words, but what does it matter when you understood his love language? You rested your head on his, wondering if you could feel even more bliss than you did right now.

“I’ll be with you,” you assured him, returning the hug, “Every mission, every milestone, I’ll be there.”

“Forever?”

“Forever.”

“love, and then love more”

[projectomerta]

Kindred Souls - Final Chapter (14): Departure

It’s the last one. Hope ya’ll liked it :)

Fandom: Assassin’s Creed

Words: 1875

“Fuck!” 

Wá:ri woke up as she fell out of bed. She sat up and felt the scar on her forehead. She could feel a bump too. Dismissing all of that, she got up and got properly dressed, it was an important day, after all. Living in the Rhodes manor for that past month had been bittersweet, but that too ended that day.

She went to the living room to have breakfast. A maid stopped to greet her before she got there. “Good morning, Miss.” The maid started, “The Young Master is eating already.”

“Good morning, Matilda.” Wá:ri greeted. “It’s just ‘Master’ now, get used to it.” Both them chuckled at each other, and Wá:ri finally sat down to eat. 

“Good morning, Robbie.” Wá:ri waved. 

Her brother nodded. Wá:ri still couldn’t look at the wound on Robbie’s neck without feeling guilty for it. He still couldn’t speak, or at least not clearly, so he chose not to do so most of the time. She didn’t regret what she had done, but she certainly didn’t feel good about it. But alas, it was done. 

When Wá:ri finished eating, she heard Matilda opening the door and talking to someone. 

“Oh, Mr. Shay. Please come in, they shouldn’t take long.” 

Wá:ri approached Shay as Matilda went upstairs. “Good morning, Lass.” Shay told her.

“Hello.” She reciprocated. 

Wá:ri noticed Shay looking attentive at her forehead, much like her brother was doing earlier. “What is i-”

“Did you fall off the bed again?” Shay interrupted.

“...” She hesitated. “Yes.” Wá:ri saw Shay furrowing his eyebrow and knew exactly what he wanted to know. “Yes, I had nightmares again.” 

He sighed, knowing well how it felt to be in her position. He hugged her and kissed her forehead. They both wanted to stay like that for a bit, but they let go when they heard Robbie and Matilda coming down the stairs. 

“Ah, the man of the day.” Shay exclaimed, as they shook hands. “Are you ready?” 

Robbie nodded with a smile on his face. Wá:ri too had a smile on her face from seeing that interaction. The first time they’d met after Shay shot Robbie, she was nervous of what her brother’s reaction would be, but he was surprisingly understanding, and even tried speaking. Though he couldn't, they could make out what he meant from reading his lips - “It’s fine…” She had thought it would have been hopeless for Robbie to forgive her, let alone Shay, so it was shocking, in a good way. With that, they left. 

Just like that, Wá:ri found herself in the place where it had all begun, a little over a month before then - Collins’ house. It was a place where she’d been both a prisoner and a resident, for a few days. Funnily enough, instead of the bittersweet feeling of the Rhodes manor, it felt cozy, for some reason. Shay knocked on the door and a few seconds later, someone came to the door. 

A maid appeared and smiled at them before turning to someone in the house. “Master Collins? Mr. Shay and the Rhodes are here.” 

“Oh, good. I’m on my way,” Collins responded. “Hello. Come in!” 

Collins greeted all of them on the way in, but when it came to Wá:ri’s turn, she couldn’t help but avoid looking him in the eyes. There, inside the house, they went to the living room, while Wá:ri stood just outside, listening. A few people were already sitting down and a few papers were sitting on the table, near a vacant seat. They greeted the five gentlemen from afar and Collins apologized for Robbie not being able to speak. When the three of them sat down, someone immediately asked a question: “So, why are we here, Collins?” 

“Well, Robbie here is the head of the Rhodes family.” Collins started. “With the unfortunate deaths of his father and older siblings, he had to take on the task of carrying on the family business.” 

“How does that concern us?” Another man asked.

“Well, Myers, Hughes and Hill are gone as well and of those three only Hughes had a successor. His daughter is taking up the family business.” He paused, now speaking to everyone. “The boy is merely seventeen and I can assure you that he was raised to one day serve this purpose, Addams made sure of that.” 

“If he can’t speak he can’t lead.” The same gentleman spat.

“The boy was shot in the throat, it’s already a miracle he’s alive! I was the one who took him to a physician, they said he’d get better in due time.” Shay sighed. “Besides, like Collins said, the boy is seventeen. Someone would have to help him, even with the education he was given, and Collins has offered to do just that.”

“Exactly, I’ll just have to prolong it a bit until the boy gets better.” Collins said, before a smile showed on his face. “Besides, we’re talking about a merchant fleet of more than a dozen ships…”

The five gentlemen looked at each other in surprise.

“Well, if that’s the case then… Sure. I’ll accept him.” 

One by one, everyone gave Robbie their consent for him to join their group. The boy brought the papers closer to him and signed each one of them in his beautiful handwriting: Robbie Alan Rhodes. Shay snickered to himself. 

With the deal closed, Collins asked that his guests waited a bit for him to see Shay and Robbie off, warning them that it could take a while, but that he would be back before lunch.

Now outside, Collins turned to Wá:ri. “Shall we get going?” he asked with a smile. 

The four of them started walking and Shay got closer to Wá:ri with a smile on his face. “What is it?” She asked.

Shay let go of a chuckle and got closer to her ear. “Francis’ middle name was ‘Adam’ and Robbie’s is ‘Alan’. This may be news to you, but I think your father may have been a bit of a narcissist, don’t you think?” 

Wá:ri didn’t react for half a second, before laughing. 

“What is it, lass?

“My middle name was ‘Alice’, Layla’s was ‘Aria’ and Kevin’s was ‘Axel’. I never noticed, but they really do all start with ‘A’.” 

Wá:ri got self conscious of the conversation when she remembered Robbie was listening. She set her eyes on her brother only to see him in a fit of silent laughter. I don’t deserve him. Sometimes she wished Robbie resented her more. Or at all. He had seemingly forgiven everything and it was daunting for her to see how differently Robbie had dealt with family betrayal than she had done. Nonetheless, she was grateful to have him as a brother. 

“Ah, there it is!” Shay exclaimed. 

Wá:ri had been so in her own head on the way there, that she didn’t really notice that they had arrived at their destination - the port. Yet another place in the city that brought her mixed feelings. It was the place where she closed out hundreds of deals as ‘Miriam Rhodes’, but it was also the place where she killed her younger brother...

“We’re almost ready. It shouldn’t take too long, but take your time, captain.” A sailor told Shay. 

“So... You’re really going, huh?” Collins asked Wá:ri and Shay.

“Aye… I haven’t gone to Lisbon in a long time, and she needs to get away from this place, for a while.” Shay put his arm around Wá:ri. “It just makes sense for us to go.” 

Collins didn’t look too convinced, but he didn’t press the matter. 

“Collins… I’m sorry for everything my family did to your friends… And thank you so much for taking care of Robbie.” 

The old man smiled at her. “We’ve seen each other nearly every day since your brothers’ funeral, and this is the first time you looked me in the eyes.” Wá:ri couldn’t help but smile back. “When it comes to your family, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t resent them, and I don’t quite agree with the way you and Mr. Shay here dealt with everything. But you did your best, and that’s all anyone can ask for.” 

It took her everything not to cry, but she managed to hold it in. But that’s when she turned to Robbie.

“Robbie I-” 

“I-it’s fine.” Robbie started, in a very raspy voice.

Wá:ri gasped.

“T-thank you f-for everything.” 

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Seeing her brother muster up everything he could to thank her was just too much, nothing could stop her from crying now. Wá:ri wrapped her arms around her brother and gave him the tightest hug she had ever given anyone. 

“Lass, it’s time to go.” Shay told Wá:ri.

With that, Wá:ri and Shay said their farewells to Robbie and Collins.

Wá:ri stood behind Shay as he gave orders and listened to reports. It really drove home how experienced of a sailor he was.  With wind softly blowing in her face, she put her hair behind her ear as she took a look at New York City for the last time in, hopefully, a long time. She had seen that view time and time again, but the roofs were also the thing that always stood out to her, for some reason. They were just roofs, nothing more, but to her they were special, not that she would ever tell that to anyone. 

“Homesick already, lass?” Shay asked, embracing her from behind. 

“I’m more sick of home than homesick, to tell you the truth…” She turned around slowly, staying within Shay’s embrace. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?” 

Shay’s gaze drifted above Wá:ri’s head, and into New York. “I won’t know for sure until we get there, but…” 

“But?” Wá:ri insisted. 

“Seeing you try to tie up loose ends with Collins after what you did made me want to do something about Lisbon.” He looked back at Wá:ri. “I’ve been told the city has been rebuilt for quite some time now, but there’s always room for improvement. That’ll be my job.”

Wá:ri smiled at Shay and the two took a long look into each other’s eyes. Sh felt calm and comfortable in Shay’s arms. Wá:ri was just about to tell Shay something, but before she could get any words out of her mouth, he kissed her.

“Wow. Are you trying to make the sailors jealous?” 

“I-” Wá:ri interrupted him with a kiss.

“Lass, don’t do this right now, I have a ship to sail…” 

Wá:ri chuckled, walking away. “Good luck sailing with all of this on your mind.” She joked in an ironic tone.

“Lass, I make my-” 

“Sure, sure. Just get this thing going. I need some rest and a docked ship just doesn’t feel right.”

Shay smiled watching her walk away. Lisbon, huh? Going back seemed surreal… but it was the right choice. With Wá:ri inside and every sailor at their post, the ship departed from the port of New York and onwards to Portugal… To Lisbon.

[melyaliz]

Canary 17

Canary Masterlist  

Fandom:  Marvel 

Summary: Sometimes all you can do is sleep away a broken heart. 

Pairing: Loki x Reader 

Notes: Thank you to everyone for being so patient with me! Honestly, I don’t deserve you lovely people and all the wonderful comments, reblogs, and likes. I know this chapter is a bit angsty but I promise the next one will be better.  

All Masterlists @melyalizarchive​

Connect with me! AO3 / Instagram / Pinterest

DONATE or REQUEST

------------------------------

The first time I realized I had powers it was like the most exciting yet natural thing that had ever happened to me. As if I had held on to them all along. It was like taking your first steps. Wobbly at first but soon you are running as fast as you can toward nowhere. 

My powers are like another extension of who I am. They come to be as easy as my sight. Seeing sounds around me, the way they float and sink. How some are sharp and some are gentle. 

It is strange how something so unnatural to everyone else is just so natural to me. 

Not like love. 

Love is hard. 

Love makes no sense. 

Love is confusing. 

And as I watched the only man I think I may have truly loved leave me I didn’t know how to react. He had come into my life so quickly and left in the same manner. 

Loud, brash, silent, and mischevious. 

It was like he could see me when no one else. Like he could hear me. He knew things no one else did without anyone telling me. He just seemed to know them.

It was as if our souls just looked at each other and knew they would have an impact on each other. Even before we did. 

The whole ordeal was exhausting. 

And thinking about it made me sick. 

So walking back into my bedroom I curled up in my bed trying to ignore the fact that my sheets smelled like him. Surrounded by a million memories that were so bittersweet I could taste them on my tongue. I could feel them all around me, deep in my bones. 

I slept and slept. Every time I woke I just didn’t have the will to pull myself up. So I laid there. Watching the sun’s rays cast a million different hues through my room. Bright warm noon sun turning into soft orange rays casting deep shadows across my room. Pitching it into the darkness like the deep black that seemed to fill my brain. And then the sun rose again, spilling warm light pooling into my room reminding me of a new world out there. 

A world I wasn’t really interested in at the moment.

After all, I did just vanquish an Ogre king and break up with a God. 

I deserved to stay here.

New world be damned. 

After all, I was safe here in my warm sheets. My pillows held me, took me in their warm embrace. They understood.

They would never leave me. 

I was about to drift off back into sleep when a soft knock caressed my door. 

“Yeah?” 

“Hey Y/N can I come in? ?” 

Steve’s voice was just as soft as his knock as he slowly creaked the door open. His words floating across the room to my cocoon of fluff I had made for myself. My fortress away from the heartache of the world. 

“I’m not feeling like training today.” 

“I mean I didn’t expect it after yesterday but…” his steps were heavy as he crossed the room, the bed dipping slightly as he sat at the edge of it. “I wanted to see if you were ok?” 

I glanced up my gaze meeting his. Arms folded in his lap as he studied me. Those soft blue eyes probably seeing more than I would like. Damn him and his daddy steve leader whatever bullshit magic those eyes held.

“Yeah. Just want to be lazy”

“Are you sure you’re lazy day doesn't have anything to do with a certain… Asgardian?” 

“I’m fine…” My words sharp, harsher than I had meant for them to be. No filter. Steve raised an eyebrow clearly not buying it. “Ok, so maybe I’m a little… hurt. Rejected. But he said he was a god and I’m a mortal so if he wants to think of me that way then why should I bother?”

“You are better than he is.” Steve said, “You are better than most of us.”

“Coming from you that means a lot,” I muttered feeling my heart heavy in your chest. It felt like a sponge, wet and heavy. Part of me just wanted to squeeze out all this sadness. Make it light again. Make you dry. “And I know I should but… I just want to be sad for a little bit.” 

“You are allowed to feel things Y/N” Steve said, my name dancing gracefully across the room as he patting the bottom of the bed where my feet were, frowning he pulled his hand up, a small necklace between his fingers. It’s delicate stone caught the light glistening 

“Here, when are want to come back to us, wash up put on a nice dress and some jewelry and we can all go dancing.” 

I took the necklace confused where had he been hiding that? Had he really gotten me a breakup gift, “I… thank you, Steve.”

“Any time.”

“And… how did you know Saphire’s were my favorite?” 

“Huh?”

His expression matched mine as I held up the necklace, “this stone,” I said.

“That was just at the end of your bed.”

“Oh… well, unthank you then... For the necklace. Thank you for the offer to go dancing. I’ll take you up on that.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow.” 

As he left I twisted the necklace around in my fingers the silver strands shone in the morning light. While very delicate it felt strong, almost unbreakable. The beautiful sapphire stone was a dark blue that looked like the night sky after the sun had set. Brilliant and blue with a deepness that seemed so vast it could swallow you up.  

Where had this come from?

Then it hit me Loki’s space mistress had said something about a necklace. 

Loki

Letting out a grow I threw it across the room before pulling the blankets over my head. If this really was that necklace I hope it catches fire and burns. I don’t think I would EVER understand that man. 

God

Whatever. 

-----  

“My Son,” Frigga said taking his hands in her own. Loki glanced up at his mother from his seat in the middle of the courtyard where he was sitting. A book in his lap as he lounged on a large couch. A small girl braiding flowers into his long black hair. 

“My Mother” Loki muttered rather dejectedly. The small child looked up at Frigga smiling up at the queen.

“My Lady, he was sad so I’m making him pretty.”

“I’m NOT sad!” Loki snapped trying to pull his head away from the small girl only to have her pull him back into place with slightly unearthly strength. Letting out a sigh Loki resigned himself to his plight opening his book again. This child had just come upon him and forced her services. Normally he would have brushed her aside but lately… he just didn’t have the energy. 

Although normally small children didn’t just come up to him and offer to make him flower crowns. 

His reputation had been ruined. 

Gently the queen mother pushed down the book from her son’s face. Her smile said it all. Soft and caring as if she knew. Of course, she knew. She was Frigga. No matter what Loki tried to do he could not hide anything from her. 

“Have you once again ruined something beautiful? Thor has his hammer and brashness but you are a destruction that is so swift you don’t even see it coming until the wounds have healed into scars.”

Loki rolled his eyes trying to fight back the flood of emotions even the memories of his “swift destruction” had caused. “Mother she was nothing but a mortal.”

Frigga looked over the small girl who was just adding the final touches to her masterpiece in Loki’s dark hair. This hadn’t been the first of their people to reach out toward the moody prince. Many servants and subjects alike had seemed much more comfortable around the brooding prince. He accepted them with his same bark but showed much less teeth until slowly he had let them in. Her son was a different man. Everyone saw it yet no one but the queen herself knew why. 

“If she has made my son the man he is now she must be a goddess.”

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[gothpanda]

A Little Bit of Attitude Ch. 7: Of Course I Remember

WORD COUNT: 4.8K

A/N: Sammi just so happens to look like Lucy Hale. If you watched PLL growing up, you could freely think of Amanda and Britney as Alison and Hanna. Because that lowkey fits if you’ve ever seen the show. Enjoy! 

WARNINGS: Drug mention

Previous/Next

Read it on Ao3

September 26th

The sound of giant bus engines echoed in the spacious gravel bus parking lot in the middle of Los Angeles. Athena and Sammi walked past empty parked buses, mesmerized at how pretty they looked from the outside alone. Each bus was a different color, some even having the outline residue of previous band stickers on the sides. Amazement struck Sammi, making it more real on the idea of Tommy being a rockstar. It didn’t take long before the girls found the four men standing by two dark buses being packed with everything needed. Athena and Sammi ran fast towards their brother, “Tommy!” the sisters screamed at the top of their lungs. 

Three of the men turned around, smiling at the sisters dashing towards them with smiles. Tommy grew a bittersweet smile hugging both of his sisters at the same time. He was happy to be experiencing something he’s wanted since he was 16 but hadn’t accepted being away from his family just yet. He already said goodbye to his parents the night before, having his mother cry in a mix of worry and excitement. Mr. Bass was proud of their son becoming something that he knew Tommy wanted to be. Of course, it wasn’t what they were used to, but that’s what life was like raising Tommy. 

“Hey glad you guys came early enough,” Tommy said spinning Athena in a hug. “We wanted to show the inside of our bus!” 

The group climbed into the bus hearing gasps coming from the Bass sisters as soon as they reached the final step. It was almost like a home on wheels to the girls. A small kitchen with carpet on the floor and comfy looking sofa chairs in the front. Even the small bunk beds looked comfortable to them. They weren’t tiny bunks like they expected. “Oh my god I hope you guys don’t fuck this place up like your apartment,” said Sammi, walking towards the bunks. “It’d suck to see a bus this nice look like shit. 

“I, Vince, solemnly do not swear to keep this place the same way we found it,” Vince said putting one hand over his heart and the other raised by his face. Sammi giggled rolling her eyes at Vince’s joke. “Well can you at least keep your bunk clean?” Sammi asked continuing to walk before being stopped by a door at the end of the row. “Still no promises, Sammi.” Sammi turned the doorknob to see a whole small bedroom perfect for anyone who didn’t want to be in a bunk. It had a full-size bed on the right side and a giant window looking out on the left. 

“Oh, dudes! Look at the bed back here!” Vince shouted dropping himself on the white and red bed. “I fucking call it!” Tommy said running and jumping on the small space next to Vince. “How about we switch days to sleep here?” Nikki said looking over Sammi’s shoulder as she leaned against the doorframe. She could feel a rough hand snake it's way from her back to her hip. Sammi avoided turning around, hoping nobody would notice a thing. “Yeah like when you said we’d switch bedrooms at the apartment?” Vince said sitting at the edge. “Why don’t you let Mick have it? He is the oldest,” Athena said looking back at Mick behind her. “That would be nice for you guys to give him the bed,” Sammi said looking at the three boys with a smile. 

“Don’t worry about me, ladies. I’m perfectly fine getting this bunk that’s closer to the ground,” said Mick, patting Athena on the back with the smallest smile imaginable. “It is nice of girls to think of me though.” Athena and Sammi smiled at Mick moving to the front. 

“It’s so cool how you guys don’t even have to lift a finger over here. Look at all these dudes just packing everything for you!” Athena said walking out of the bus to see the tour roadies do their job. “It is nice to be treated like kings,” said Vince smirking at everyone resting his back against the bus. 

“Cool it, King Vince. You still have to work remember?” Sammi said smacking the blonde in the arm. “If I’m king does that mean I should find a queen to be by my side?” asked Vince smiling down at Sammi. Sammi felt her cheeks flush looking away from Vince’s gaze. “Yeah, and her name’s Beth remember?” Sammi said looking down as she proceeded to hug Tommy. She wrapped her arms around his waist, feeling Athena do the same. 

“Don’t go! We need our dumbass leader to get us through the day!” Athena yelped in a mocking tone of desperation. “Whatever will we do without you and the other dumbasses?! Mick is not included because he actually has a brain and uses it.” Sammi said pretending to cry dramatically. “You girls will be fine,” Tommy said hugging his sister. “I know I’ve taught you well to be dumbasses.”

Sammi pulled away from her brother, looking at him with a sad pout before turning to the other guys. Sammi’s attention was quick to notice an absent Nikki from the group. She looked around for a moment before catching him through one of the bus windows. She was able to tell he began biting his nails and scratching his head, unsure of what to do with a back and forth pace. He looked out the window, catching Sammi staring at him. He could only give Sammi a smirk before disappearing. 

Sammi pondered for a moment until she walked over to Mick, giving him a generous hug and a smile. “Can I ask for one thing, Mick?” Mick scrunched his eyebrows. “Can you please just somewhat look after Tommy? I know he’s gonna be 21, but I still don’t want him to get in trouble.” Mick gave Sammi a lopsided smile before nodding. “I’ll try my best, little girl.” Sammi smiled happily giving Mick one last hug. 

“Bye, Vince! Try not to get kicked out of clubs while you’re out there!” Athena said hugging Vince in a quick embrace. Vince chuckled at Athena, “Again no promises I won’t do that shit!”

 As Athena moved away from Vince, Sammi walked in front looking up at him slightly. She wrapped her arms around his neck standing on her tippy-toes to reach, burying her head in his neck. Vince hugged her tightly, not wanting to let go but also not wanting for Tommy to begin asking questions. “I’m gonna miss you, Sunny” Vince whispered in Sammi’s ear before pulling away from her. “I’m gonna miss you too, Vince,” said Sammi, giving a sad smile back. “Um listen, I know you have school and shit, but I was thinking maybe you could come to one of our shows. We have one on the 8th. It’s a Friday.” Vince said pressed his lips together nervously as shoved his hands in the blue jean jack he always wore.

 “You do know that’s on my birthday, right?” Sammi smiled questionably at the singer. Vince nodded smiling back at Sammi. “Of course I remember your birthday. It’ll be an awesome way to spend your birthday, and it’ll be in San Francisco to make it better.” Sammi thought about it for a moment, turning to Athena who could hear the whole conversation. “I think it’s a great idea! Of course, we’ll go together and then have a chance to celebrate Tommy’s birthday! A bit late but still counts!” Athena said wrapping her arms around Sammi’s necking with a giant smile. “Dude yes! You two have to come! It’ll be sick!” Tommy said lightly jumping on his toes. “Okay let’s do it! We’ll go to San Fran for my birthday!” Sammi smiled at everyone felling Vince pull her in for another hug. “It’s going to be great.”

“Motley Crue? It’s time to start heading out.” a crew member yelled from the distance. Everyone said their last goodbye. Vince gave Sammi a wink as he walked to the bus. Sammi smiled back walking with Athena to the car parked far from the buses. “Your birthday is gonna be so fucking cool,” Athena said putting her arm around her little sisters' shoulders. Sammi's smile grew with happiness. 

“Quick question, did I hear wrong or did Vince call you Sunny?” Sammi looked at Athena in a pretended shock, thinking for a moment. “Yeah, he did. I just let it slide.” Athena nodded slowly examining Sammi’s facial expression. 

 September 30th

“I still can’t get over you finally moving out of mom and dads,” Athena said taking down the multiple polaroid photos from Sammi’s wall. She placed them on the desk to then wrap a rubber band around the photos. Sammi walked into the room with three empty boxes tossing them on her unmade bed. She grabbed the college textbooks on her desks smiling down at the polaroids her sister got. Sammi grabbed the photo of her, Athena, and Vince sat on the floor of the open back doors of the old van with wholesome smiles. Sammi looked about 13 and still had her dark brown hair in two pigtail braids. Vince had both his arms around the sisters, while he looked like a boy in a surfer movie with darker blonde hair. He still could pass for a surfer dude if he didn’t dress like Nikki and Tommy. “It’s funny how we somehow managed to keep Vince around,” Athena says looking over Sammi's shoulder. “I mean I did make sure his ass didn’t catch a cold when he slept in the van,” said Sammi smiling at Athena. “I have a feeling he likes being around us again. We hadn’t seen him after Tommy dropped out.” 

Athena looks at her sister with raised eyebrows and a smile before going back to packing the few things left in Sammi’s room. “So are you going to tell Amanda and Britney about San Francisco?” asked Athena sitting on the floor in front of Sammi’s closet. Sammi took the framed photo of her friends from high school biting her lip. “I don’t know if I should. It’s not like Amanda had a great time last time we went to their show.” Sammi said looking at Athena. Athena rolled her eyes away from Sammi. “It’s your life. You shouldn’t be hesitant about telling your friends about your decisions.” 

“I know, but I still haven’t told her about Tommy,” Sammi said sitting down next to Athena. “I’m scared she’s going to flip out when I tell I blacked out with the guys and woke up next to Vince,” Sammi said to her sister with a frown. Athena wrinkled her nose and scowled at Sammi not quite understanding. “Oh god, did Tommy not tell you?” Athena slowly shook her head having a smile slowly growing on her face. “What exactly do you mean by ‘woke up next to Vince’?” Athena asked with a mischievous smile. Sammi groaned, rolling her eyes and hiding her face between her knees. Sammi got up, closing her bedroom door to make sure their mother hasn’t overheard anything girls were talking about. “Okay I’m going to make this quick,” Sammi said sitting right in front of Athena. 

“So Britney was the one who told me to talk to Tommy since he’s my family and I listened! But I went to talk to Nikki first to get him to apologize and we had a bite to eat. When we went back to the apartment to talk to Tommy, a bunch of people were already having a party. I stayed and talked to Vince in the bathroom-” 

“Did anything happen?” Athena interrupted. Sammi rolled her eyes, remembering her conversation with Britney. “No! Nikki came in to get a baggie and I snorted…” Sammi said seeing Athena jaw drop to the floor. “Sammi what the fuck?! Then you rat on us for snorting!” Athena said with a giggle. “I wanted to see why you all freaking like it!” Sammi whispered shouted. “So how the hell did you and Vince end up in bed together?” Athena asked with a smirk. “He said I was falling asleep so he took me to his bed. Then he went to sleep too so no one would bother me.” Sammi said smiling looking away from Athena. Athena noticed the smile her sister had but decided not to push it. Athena herself could see the little sparkle in her sister's eyes. “Well that was really nice of Vince to do that, but going back to the topic of Amanda. You shouldn’t be scared to tell your friends stuff that happens in your life.” Athena said resting against the bedpost. “A good friend is supposed to hear out your mistakes and give you advice with kindness.”

Sammi huffs looking back at her sister. “Amanda is a good friend. She just has a different way of showing it as your friends.” Athena raises her eyebrows at Sammi. “Really like how?” 

“Amanda is a tough-love type of person. If she thinks something isn’t good, she’ll say it honestly even if it might hurt. She just doesn’t want Britney and me to get tangled up with bad guys. She knows things.” said Sammi. Athena rolled her eyes again making sure Sammi saw her reaction. “So does that mean you have to get approval by Amanda for everything you do including boys?” Athena asked smiling sarcastically. Sammi frowned at Athena ignoring her comment completely. “You know Athena, I can handle packing the rest myself,” said Sammi as she gathered up the rest of the things on her desk. “Sammi I’m sorry but-”

“I said I can pack by myself without you,” said Sammi with a stern voice. Athena rolled her eyes getting up from the floor to leave Sammi alone as requested. Athena was about to grab her car keys before she heard the wall phone ring. “Hello?” Athena asked putting the phone up to her ear. “Oh, shit hey Athena! I thought Sammi would answer!” Tommy said in a payphone booth in the middle of a Nevada truck stop. “Hey, Toms. No Sammi’s too busy being fucking stubborn.” Athena whispered looking behind her to see if the coast was clear. 

“You guys fighting already? I’ve only been gone for like three days!” said Tommy with a giggle. “It’s actually been four. We weren’t fighting, she just got mad I wasn’t being a member of Team Amanda.” Athena leaned against the wall beginning to play with the telephone cord. “I don’t think anyone but Sammi is Team Amanda. I still have no idea how they even ended up friends. What was the problem anyway?” 

“She’s scared to tell Amanda about Vince inviting her to San Fran. for her birthday and about blacking out at your guys' place, which by the way you did not tell me about.” Tommy pursed his lips out, listening to Athena. “Then she tried to explain it but I just gave her a sarcastic response.” Athena huffed. “Well, I agree with you! I hope to God Sammi doesn’t turn around and ditch us again after they move in together,” said Tommy. “No, I don’t think she will. That Britney girl seems to have an actual brain for being so bubbly. She was the one that told Sammi to talk to you guys again” 

“I do have one question for you though.” Tommy scrunched his eyebrows together ready to hear what Athena had to say. “Do you think Vince could possibly like Sammi?” Tommy’s eyes went wide, hitting the payphone with excitement. “You see it too?! He called her by her nickname when we left! Only fucking dad calls her Sunny!” Tommy yelled out. Athena laughed softly at Tommy’s reaction not expecting it. “Yeah, I noticed. He did also go to Amanda’s house after the Starwood show which in itself gives it away after some thought,” Athena giggled. “Sammi told me how he put her to bed after the party. The idea of Vince choosing sleep rather than continuing to party definitely speaks volumes.” 

“He also didn’t want her to snort the last line of coke. Nikki was the one that encouraged it. Then for some reason, he kept asking Vince questions about Sammi.” said Tommy looking out to see the devil walk over to the phone booth. “Hey A, I gotta get going but I’ll call your place when we get to our hotel. Love you.” Tommy said hanging up before Athena could say anything. Tommy got out of the phone booth just as Nikki got to it. “Hey T-Bone come on we gotta hit the road!” Nikki said smacking Tommy on the back. “Cool. Hey random question, but do you think Vince would ever stop cheating if he got a good girlfriend? And I mean a really good girlfriend, one who is the nicest person in the world.” Nikki chuckled dryly shaking his head. “That guy could have a princess that treats him like a king and still fuck randoms.” Tommy bit his lip looking at the ground beneath his feet. “Why do you ask?” Tommy looked at Nikki and shook his head. “Just thought about it since we’re on tour. He doesn’t really care about Beth so he just does it.” Nikki nodded seeing the blonde from a distance put out his cigarette.  

October 2nd 

A loud drop of a heavy box fell onto a coffee table in the middle of a living room. Amanda, Britney, and Sammi had been bringing stuff into their new condo all day, carrying in box after box filled with personal belongings. The place was perfect for the three college girls. Two stories with 3 equal-sized rooms, a nice kitchen as you walked further into the condo with space for a dining table, and a decent-sized living room in the front. They even had a pool for the little area of condos to share with other tenets. “That’s the last box in my car,” Sammi said closing the door with her foot, setting the box on the bottom stair. 

“Yay! Soon we’ll have this place looking so nice and pretty!” Britney said cheerfully taking out the collection of records all the girls had combined. Amanda sat on the floor, putting books in the dark wooden bookshelf her parents gifted her. “So Sam, you excite for your birthday next week?” Amanda asks. 

“Yeah…” said Sammi taking out picture frames avoiding to carry anything. Britney looked at Sammi, seeing something in the way her face read. “Do you have any ideas on what you want or do you want us to plan something?” Britney asks studying Sammi’s reaction

“There’s been something I’ve been meaning to tell you,” Sammi said looking at her friends, slightly tugging on her earlobe. “I was thinking about visiting Tommy in San Francisco. They have a show on my birthday.”

Amanda raised an eyebrow giving Sammi a smile that made her not comfortable. “And since when have you spoken to Tommy again? You haven’t mentioned it.” Britney looked at Sammi waiting to see if she needed to interrupt for Sammi’s sake.

Sammi could only shrug her shoulders giving a weak smile. “Recently. I just thought I should since he was gonna be gone for four months.”

“Well have you spoken to Vince or Nikki?” 

“No… I haven’t. I swear.”

“In that case, if you’re going to be going to San Francisco, you should only have Tommy in mind. You don’t want to deal with those two creeps. All Vince cares about is fucking random girls while Nikki cares about his drugs.” 

“Yeah you’re right, I’ve totally seen that.”

Amanda went back to putting the books on the shelves, giving her back to her roommates. Britney looked at Sammi with eyes that understood her best friend without saying a word. Sammi could only give Britney a quick somber smile, going back to unpacking their new place together. 

The sun soon disappearing bringing the moon out, having Amanda clock out for the day as Britney and Sammi hid in the nearly empty bedroom that belonged to Sammi. The girls sat on the full-sized bed against the wall, mimicking the way Sammi’s room was at her parents' house. She didn’t have a desk or her photos on the wall yet, but it would soon be exactly what Sammi would want. Britney skimmed through all the polaroids Sammi had saved over the years on the bed, giggling whenever she saw one from before she met her. Sammi threw a plastic bag onto her bed next to Britney, ripping her attention away. “What’s this?” asked Britney. 

“I’m going to dye my hair back to brown, well almost black basically,” Sammi said jumping onto the bed, pulling out the box of hair dye with everything needed. “Why exactly?” 

Sammi shrugged, read the instructions on the side. “I just wanna go back to being me. The red was cool but so over it. Besides, I keep looking at those old photos that make me miss it.” Britney nodded with understanding pulling out the van photo. “Like this one with Vince when you’re like 12?” Sammi smiled, taking the photo from Britney and pining it near her bed. “13 too be exact and yes exactly.” 

Britney bit the inside of her cheek remembering the conversation from earlier. Amanda wasn’t around making Sammi be able to talk freely about the boys. “So are you really gonna go to San Francisco for your birthday?” Sammi put down the hair dye, giving Britney a small nod. 

“I agreed when Vince asked me, plus Tommy got excited so I’d be an ass not to go.” 

“Vince was the one that invited you?” Britney smirks at making Sammi flip her off as a joke. “Yes, he did. Again it means nothing. He was just being nice for my birthday.”

“Sam, you say he’s nice for different reasons but it’s mainly because he likes you even if you don’t see it yet. I do think it’s a good thing for you to visit and see their lifestyle. Honestly, it sounds way more fun than being stuck here and working on your birthday.” Britney said with a pout as she laid down on the bed. Sammi stayed quiet for a moment, playing with the loose thread on her childhood blanket. “Whatcha thinkin about, Sammi?” 

“Do you think Amanda is controlling us?” Britney frowned, thinking long and hard about the question. She sat up against the headboard, scratching her head for a moment. “I mean, sometimes I feel like she can be controlling. Why you’re thinking of what Amanda said about Vince and Nikki?” 

Sammi laid down next to Britney, hugging a pillow tightly. “Not just that. Athena and I were talking the other day about the party and San Francisco, and she was being sarcastic about us having to get approval from Amanda on what we wanted to do. I just didn’t want her to flip out about me blacking out.”

“Well, I can see where Athena could think that. Amanda can be judgemental on the both of us from time to time.” 

“But it’s because she gives out tough love on us.” 

Britney rolls her and smiles down at Sammi. “ And I get it, I really do. There’s still a difference though.” Sammi frowned at Britney looking away from her. “How about we get started on this hair dye situation! I think you’re going to look awesome with black hair.” Britney jumped off and bed grabbing Sammi by the hand pulling her up on her feet. Sammi smiled happily taking the box of hair dye to the restroom 

October 7th

 Athena walked up to the burgundy wooden door knocking onto it three times. She could quiet footsteps approach the door, immediately regretting picking up Sammi from her condo. Amanda opened the door with confusion until realizing it was Athena. She faked a somewhat nice smile as she slowly left the front door ajar. She left only enough for Athena to see the sofa and a wall of the living room. 

“Hi Athena, how can I help you?” Amanda asked ‘happily’ still keeping the smile. 

“I’m here to pick up Sammi for the airport. I don’t know if she told you that we’re going to San Francisco,” said Athena as she began playing with the ends of her hair. 

Amanda thought for a moment before widening the door to let Athena into her condo. “Sammi isn’t here right now. She left a while ago for the bank. Something about depositing her check.” Athena nodded looking around the furnished condo. The girls worked fast to get everything in order. The living room had a beautiful white coffee table in front of a fluffy black long sofa. They even had a tv unlike Athena’s apartment, where her roommates trashed everything quickly. “You guys did well with the place.” 

“Thanks. You know I was surprised when Sammi told me she wanted to see Tommy, but now that I see you here well I get it now.” Amanda said smirking at Athena as she sat on the single chair. Athena tilted her head to one side, narrowing her eyes at the blonde girl. “What exactly does that mean?” 

“Don’t you think it’s a little responsible to drag Sammi to a drug-infested club with your brother and his skeezy friends?” 

Athena chuckled dryly as she ran her hands through her hair. “You think I told Sammi to talk to Tommy?” Amanda nodded crossing her arms and legs. “Look Sammi’s old enough to make her own decisions. I didn’t tell her shit about talking to Nikki or Tommy. She’s the one that wanted to go talk to them at their place. ” 

Amanda frowned hearing Nikki’s name come out of Athena’s mouth. “And another thing, you shouldn’t make Sammi feel bad for what she wants to do. That’s not a fucking friend. Tommy is her brother that she loves.” 

Suddenly, the front door opened to Sammi walking in surprise to see Athena in the middle of her living room. “Hey, Athena! You’re early! Let me go get my duffle bag from my room.” Sammi said making her way upstairs.

“Sammi when the hell were you gonna tell me you went over to talk to Nikki? You told me you didn’t” Sammi stared at Amanda then Athena walking down to the last step. “Sorry” Athena mouthed looking guilty with no intent on causing a problem. Amanda got up from her seat stepping closer to the Bass sisters. “I was going to tell but it wasn’t going to be soon. It’s family stuff and you don’t need to know that quickly.” 

“And Nikki’s your family?”

“Yes. Nikki, Vince, and Mick are in a band with Tommy, making them part of the family. Now I’m going to get my shit because I have a flight to catch.” Sammi said walking back upstairs ignoring Amanda’s glares. 

  Sammi put her duffle bag in the overhead bin along with Athena’s backpack. She sat down on the two seated airplane seat, buckling up. The girls had a quiet car ride to the airport with Athena not knowing what to say, being scared to piss Sammi off. She looked at Sammi just stare at the seat in front of her. Athena nudged Sammi with her elbow. Doing it again until Sammi rolled her eyes and faced Athena. “Yes?”

 “I like the hair, glad to see you back to being natural again.” Athena smiled with hope Sammi would crack. Sammi luckily did give her sister a genuine smile. “Thanks. I wanted to go back to being me.” Athena nodded biting her lip in anticipation of what to say next. 

 “Look Sammi I’m sorry I ratted on you. I didn’t tell Amanda anything besides you talking to Nikki again.” 

 “It’s okay, Athena. It was gonna come out any way that I spoke to him. Let’s just relax and have fun. It is my birthday after all.” The girls smiled giving each other a quick hug before hearing the pilot signal for taking off.

 “Oh, dude I see them! Get the paper up!” Tommy said hitting Vince in the back, getting excited to see his sisters in the distance. The girls got closer quickly finding the boys each holding a sign with their names on it. Tommy held Athena with chicken scratch handwriting while Vince held Samantha in surprising cursive. The Bass sisters ran up to the boys, giving them tight hugs from missing them so much. “Sammi your hair! It’s back to normal!” Tommy said touching locks of his sister's dark hair. Sammi giggled pushing Tommy’s hand away, fixing the piece of hair. “I like it. For sure reminds me of when I first met you.” Vince said petting Sammi’s hair for a brief moment. 

“Thanks, I just wanted a change back to before,” Sammi said smiling at the boys. “Well let's get going to the hotel! It’s barely 2 so we can do stuff!” Tommy said getting Athena’s bag while Vince carried Sammi’s. 

He gave Sammi a wink making her flush for a moment as the foursome walked out of the airport together. 

“This is going to be one hell of a birthday, isn’t it?”

[chromium7sky]

Damirae week day 1: Amnesia| You got me (crazy)

He was devastated.  

It was only 1 month before his wedding with Raven but things doesn't go as they plan, his fíancee where having her ultimate showdown battle with her father,  he almost lost her.  Lost in time and space.

She's trapped in forgotten dimension,  and thank god he has done some research to get her back with the help of other superheroes including John Constantine but....

Something went wrong. When he retrieve her back, the time and space travel were having difficulties due to the interference of her brothers who are still alive. Raven, who is now inherit her father's crown and title as Queen of the Under Realm used almost all of her power to prevent the assault but  whiplash happens when the power hit the barrier of time tunnel and almost hit Damian. Raven quickly shield him by wrapping her arm around her fíance and whisper to him that she loves him.

The shock from that whiplash made them stumbled and landed at the timeline just after Damian departure to fetch Raven from the ruin of Azarath.

The rest of the heroes who just watch him departure now puzzling as he comeback like it was a short distance walk journey. As Damian regain his senses, he quickly ask for medical team to take care of Raven who are now limping in his arm as she was heavily injured by the blow of her own power.

"I know Raven could heal herself in a miracle way but this damage on her head causing concussion,  perhaps it may lead to memory loss. Let us hope that it wasn't a big blow. " said Cyborg as he analyze the Mistress of Magic at the sick bay.

Damian Wayne who is now disgruntled with a twist felt in his stomach by the memory of seeing Raven being hit by the whiplash played over and over inside his head although they already in their safe haven. When Cyborg said hoping it wasn't a big blow,  he mentally frown. It is a BIG one.

Its been three days she's in coma,  he patiently waited by her side though, sometimes Bruce and his other Bat fam come and asked Damian to come home to get some rest and filling his stomach with some food. As he watch his fíanceè who is now unconcious on a clean white bed with bottle of IV punctured in her arms and the beeping sound of pulse monitor counting her pulse rate as well as her blood pressure,  the sight itself has killed his appetite somehow,  there is a long sofa nearby, so he decided to rest his tired shamrock eyes with a power nap.

Damian drifted  to sleep eventually,  Dick silently put a wooly nightwing-ish design blanket on his brother for comfort, thus, he and Kory took their turn to keep their eyes on Raven.

******** Damian's dream were unpleasant which he end up awake with heavy sweats and panting and he thought, perhaps, it  was the effect from the time and space travel. As he looked at Raven's bed, her face seems peacefully sleep despite all the beeping sound, machine were made.

Slowly he approach the bed and and sit on the chair has been recently placed there,  perhaps either by Dick or Kory. He rest his arm and his head at the edge of the bed while his finger tracing her palm and slowly wrap around her finger, then kiss her knuckle.

He sighed as he stared at her  that shown tranquility and peace. Seems like the sleepiness hasn't deserted him yet leading to few noded then he slowly land his head in the palm of unconcious Raven.

In a sudden, something awoken him. A twitch. He open his eyes as he seen her hands. Yes,  more responds!

He grab it with both of his hands discreetly and placed on his cheek as he observed her eyelashes begun to fluttered. His heart almost jumped as he seen her eyes opened. With all the hope and excitement, he take his breath and about to say something until...

"Who are you? And why are you hold my hand? "

*******

It's been months.

Raven now hang out at the justice hall after she's awaken is a good sign but the only thing that bothers him,  she... Doesn't remember about their relationship and their engagement.

She knew him,  the 'Damian Wayne' for his infamous brat attitude but what she didn't know that, both of them were suppose to be married two months ago and damn, he's a mess.

Sometimes she caught him staring at her while shes reading at the library,  sometimes when she walk in the garden.

Did they strike a conversation? Well, he tried but something kept holding him back like his father emergency meeting in Gotham,  Jon's calling from space mission. An ordinary person might throw their tantrum about it but Damian Wayne accept that now its not their time to have a deeper conversation. Yet.

******

She felt peaceful as she taking a stroll at the garden.  The flowers, trees, grass,  all of them seems like in heavenly. She remember something new today. A showdown. Something like that. She's fighting with something big.

It does ignite her magic and alter her appearance into the damn Queen of Darkness. She still wonder,  how did she end up on earth if she's already seal the dimension for good? She sighed and took a few step ahead and there, she saw him. A guy with complex aura surrounding him. Some of them are dark, some are sad, and the rest are bittersweet.

She's been wondering why she always bumped into him. Is he stalking her? Could it be, since he's the son of Batman. Maybe it's in their blood, she mentally chuckled.

"Hey, you! "

He look at her then slightly sneered.  "I have a name."

"Uh, Sorry, Mr. Damian Wayne. "

"It doesn't have to be THAT formal. "

Raven accidentally let out her snort. Quickly, she cover her mouth. She'd be damned if he heard... What? Is that a smile?

Before she's about to say,  his face change to his usual sour expression within nano second. "State your business then. " his stern voiced heard after a long silence.

"Oh uh... " she caught off guard.

"Well, nothing. Just wondering..." then her eyes caught up with a book he was holding that has pencil scribbled, more like doodling. "What are you doing?" she casually walk to him,  invading his personal space.

She could feel the intensity of his eyes as he gaze at her then shifted to the tree view. "Some research. " he blurted out automatically.

"Oh? " She was curious though. Everytime when she meet him, it feels like her body drawn to him like almost wanted to embrace every single of his being. She quickly discarded the thought. 'Damn twilight,' she cursed under her breath for reading cheesy supernatural novel.

"You seems tense?" Damian close the book and tidy up his tools.

"I don't know. I kind of trying to put up some missing puzzle of my memory. " Raven rubbed her chin as she stared blankly at Damian's shirt. Unintentionally.

Damian, uncomfortable of being stared, cleared his throat that made Raven jumped abit from her short daydream.

"You need help?" Damian, volunteer himself.

"You want to help me? " Raven in disbelief as the Son of Batman offered himself. This is rare.

"I could help to sketch out by the description, who knows, it might help you remember something," said the dark hair man as he casually dust off his pant and shirt.

"Well... Let's go! " Raven,  unconciously take his hand. She realise with sudden unusual movement as her eyes went wide just a second and slowly let go of him. "I'm sorry. I... Don't know what is happening. But it seems we kinda really close before I've lost my memory," she tried to laugh. Trying to make it less awkward.

When she saw his face, She saw something in his eyes; a melancholic, sad, and heavy gaze, of wanting to be acceptance.

"Perhaps. "

He turn his back on her, "Follow me."

Raven, bit her lips to keep her from being nervous, followed him as they making their way to Damian's specialize facility. A laboratory.

When both of them enter the building,  everything seems familiar to her. All the passage, the door,  the interior design; It feels like home. Damian put his sketch tool on work bench nearby the super computer and pulled out the chair and offer Raven to sit.

"I'm just gonna go fresh up abit,  then we'll start the session. "

"Got it."

"And... " Damian paused as he tried to remember something.

"Don't touch anything on that table. " he point out an area where it filled with microscope and some are advance machinery. Is that a laser?

"I am not a child, Damian Wayne. " Raven pouted.

"Then act like an adult. " Damian huffed and disappear into his room.

"Jerk." as the young lady fold her hand and sit on the chair quietly.

***** Its been 20 minutes, she looks at the clock then at the room where Damian disappear. She's rocking her chair back and forth while her eyes roaming everywhere.

Suddenly, she saw the sketch book on the table where Damian left earlier. The dark color seems intriguing for her to open its content. To reveal the mystery.

'I hate being curious cat but.... Why not take a little peek? ' her heart begging her to see. Raven take a deep breath then slowly she lean on the table to take a closer look on Damian's sketch book.

Slowly she open those black leather cover, and she almost fell off from her chair! The first drawing who greet her is her own potrait. Realistic and detail drawing of her face.

Her heart is pounding fast. 'What did I do to this guy? ' then she open up the next page. There were several person she could recognise like Dick,  Kory,  Mari,  some old man,  his other brothers and Bruce.

When she flip for more she saw her again,  this time she was hanging out with a creature,  a fluffy beast with batwing and ring on his nose.

As she flip,  she saw her,  sketches of her in simple line,  sometimes in complex mesh and shade. Different expression, even with dialogue. 'Did i ever said some of these line? ' as she read it because some of them are cheesy and romantic.

After almost all pages, her shaky hands close the book. 'Who is this guy to me? ' Raven feeling confused and nervous and her eyes looked at his door. This time,  she need to see inside for some answers.

She trust her instinct as she walked to his door. She gently knock but... No answer. Her hand slowly twisted the door knob and open the door.

She actually went into Damian Wayne's room. This is crazy, and her body made its own decision as if she's done it thousands time. She'll definitely in big trouble.

******** She's in his room. HIS ROOM!! Carefully she walking around, she saw a potrait of her hanging on the wall opposite to his bed. It was really her, in precise color. She felt her heart jump a little. "I don't think we're bestfriend. This is much more.... " her whisper trailed off as she mesmerized with his work.

"Are kidding me? What are you doing in my room?!"

Raven wince when she heard it.

"Look,  I'm sorry. I know i'm kinda bit annoying but your work did took my breaaaaaAAAAA!!!! "she quickly close her eyes.

Oh, dear.  Damian is in towel stood in front of her as he just come out from his shower.  Ah, no wonder he took a long time.

"What part you don't understand about..."

"Well, I didn't touch anything on that table. " Raven defend herself as she keep her eyes closed.

She could heard him sighed. "I did say 'act like an adult.'"

"Well,  Damian Wayne. Try to elaborate what act like adult means!" Raven then turn around from looking at him.

"Like talk to me like a person.  Not like a GODDAMN idiot who didn't look at me."

"I am not an idiot! " as she's annoyed as she facing him.

"Good. "

However, she tried not to focus on him,  his wet hair, those intense green eyes and his uncovered torso. Damn...

Damian crossed his arm. Amnesia or not, she has violated his personal space, not that Damian would care but still!

"I have so many question to ask. " Raven almost whispers.  "About the picture,  the sketch,  this familiar building. I... " she rub her arm as she try to sort out her mixture feeling. Embarassed, confused, happy, excited. What's with all of this whenever she's with him?

Damian arched his brow as he listen attentively. Tt, Of course she has seen his sketches.

"I feel... Happy whenever i see you. I feel like i want to hug you, some sort... Ugh this is sound insane." she closed her face with her palm. Damian definitely gonna call her pervert especially in this situation.

Damian slightly amused,  it was like listening to her first confession 8 years ago. Slowly he sit on his chair nearby.

"Why don't you take a seat? " Damian point out the chair in front of him.

"Uh... " Raven still feel nervous about it. Damian, in his towel. Sitting on that chair with arm and leg crossed.

"I won't bite."

She sneered then sighed as she landed on the leathered chair. "This chair is making me nervous. As i was saying..." she put her hands on her chest.

"I don't think you and I were bestfriend,  Mr. Wayne. I think its likely more than that. "

Did she Friendzone me? Damian's mind irritated by her statement. How dare she -

"I was so wrong about this, this miscomunication. Maybe I've interpreted it wrong. Maybe I didn't trust my intuition enough. I..I should have trust it but I'm afraid seeing you in sour expression and your cold atittude,  i'm afraid that i might only have one-side feeling. "

Yep. Definitely like the first confession, he mentally noted.

"Have you ever heard about don't judge a book by its cover? " Damian leaned on his desk as he close up to her. Seeing her red wine eyes sparkles against the light in his room. Her soft lavender color hair.  Her red ruby lip which he missed so much.

"Yeah, i know. But still,  who am I to you?" as she dared to look into his shamrock green eyes. Hoping to find the answers.

"I'm afraid I can't answer that, Miss Roth." Damian still exhibit his seriousness.  Raven hold up her emotion because something inside her like about to burst open and hell, she felt like she wants to give that jerk a thousand kiss on his face.

"But..."

"Uh?" Raven jumped a bit as Damian held his hand to her.

"You're an empath, right? I want you to feel it." She could feel heavy emotion behind his gaze. Slowly she reached out her hand towards him.

Damian,  grab her hand and begun to exhaled.

Raven were drowning.

Drowning with his emotion. Those heavy burden, sadness, bitter and anger hit her like  waterfall! After the intense wave, she suddenly felt butterfly in her stomach. This is so warm. This center feeling.

It feels like she wraping herself in a blanket on the cold night,  comforting and safe.

When she open her eyes she saw his vulnerable expression. She never seen him in that face before. A longing.

Then, she realise the scar that marked horizontally on his stomach. She touched it, unintentionally. "Home..."

"Home? " Damian almost lose out his emotion in his voice.

"Home is when you go there... " Raven remember the line.

"They have to take you in." Damian continue the quote from his favourite poet.

"This scars... I remember Hell, the titans, YOU. " as she squeeze out her memory.

"I was suppose to stay there,  to watch my father but why I'm... " Raven bit her lips. "Why? Why i'm here, Damian? I had to seal the dimension so that they could not harm the other dimension. " her tears start to blooming. "That is not your home. You deserve more than that hellish place, Raven. " Damian took his courage as he caressed her cheek, wiped out the tears.

"You doesn't seem content with the place. That is not your home. " both of his hand now on both of her cheek while he gaze into her eyes.

"Sometimes Home has a heartbeat, two arms and a soul. " he smiled. "It doesn't have to be a place. " he added.

"I... I.. " Raven getting choked up.

Tears start to rolled on her cheeks and without any hesitate,  Damian give her a kiss. Long and still.

She felt everything connected,  her memories, his emotion. Eureka!

Things in his room starts to float like its in zero gravity due to the intense emotion she felt. The bliss that makes her wants to reach for the stars.

Both of them withdrawn each other and placing their forehead together, savouring it. "I remember. " she whispers and yet she still cried.

Damian chuckled as he tug her hair behind her ears. He looked at her beneath his long lashes which made her heart fluttered.

"I am home with you. " she repeat her words during their depature from ruin of Azarath before their time travel goes wrong.

"All you need is a kiss to remember? " she can hear his giggle in his words. "A true love kiss. " as he peck her cheek.

"Since when Damian Wayne being cheesy romantic? " she teased him.

"Just come here. " as his arm wide open waiting for her. "I miss you. "

Raven scoffed then gloomped at the young man. "I'm home," she whisper as she bury her face at his collar,  inhaled his freshly after shower scent,  imprinting in her memory.

"Welcome back. " Damian wrap his arm on her body, it feels perfect. How he miss her so much! He give a kiss and landed his cheek on her hair.

Bonus:

[witchdaggahmoon]

The farewell of a God

A long time ago, there were a master and his most loyal servant.

Their names, where they come from, and even why they were fighting has been forgotten since long ago. But they carried a war, a war that they ended up winning thanks to his servant given that he was an immortal being.

This man, having already lived a long time, started growing apathetic and sick of living, getting to the extreme of creating a specially-designed instrument with spikes on either end to pierce it through his skull, unsuccesfully in killing him.

Eventually he met his master and gave to his life purpose again, as her right-hand.

He served with the most strong dedication to her cause, he fought more fierce than any other warrior, with the most resolute of minds. He became a legend among his companions and completed his task to end the war. Yet his legend is now written nowhere, history won't remember him, nowhere in the annals shall he be mentioned.

But that's what he wanted, for once his purpose ended there was nothing to him. Nothing to be ashamed, nothing to be proud. He didn't see himself worthy to be even remembered.

His master, knowing of this and thinking all of the contrary decided to make a gift for him, but not an ordinary one. She knew that nothing would ever fill the emptiness within him so instead of giving him jewels like to the other soldiers, she searched for information all around the world.

The result? A dagger capable of end his inmortality,to gave him a completely new opportunity. But it came with a price, and that was her own very life.

And so then, he was called to met her in a beach near their house during the night and was given his gift along the explication.

It was something that he would never expect, both for the possibility of dying and the noble gesture from her.

After talking a few hours, she was about to take her leave when she said:

—Alright, I'll leave the rest t-

She interrupted herself with a little chuckle.

—Here I was, about to send you off with my usual farewell. To think I won't be able to say my customary line anymore is a little sad.

—...Then why not say it?

—Hm?

It's true that we no longer share a common purpose. My actions will be now entirely my own.

—I'm well aware, I told everyone that you'll be fine, that's what you want after all.

—Was that convincing?

—Well, what do you imagine? It seemed to depress them.

—I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about you.

—What do you mean by that?

—You told me that when peace finally came, it would be time for me to play my role. Back then,it sounded like you wanted me to live as a "Storyteller". Why tell me that? You should have known that the day would come when our paths would diverge.

—Because I knew, I knew that I didn't want to leave you with the words of a master to a servant. I wanted to part as friends

"Friends"

The word was something that at this point was meaningless to him. It was something forgotten, without a value, something that just dissappeared.

But now it was making an echoe through his head, like a revelation.

And he just could murmure to himself that word, like a child learning something new, amazed after so many years.

It was a overwhelming, bittersweet and warmth sensation.

Memories, feelings, all from a lifetime ago appeared before his own very eyes.

His flesh for a few moments was able to feel something else that pain.

The time when he had a life, a purpose, a family, friends.

It was like everything formed a cylindrical space, like that one when his life was cursed, but free of any kind of horrible sensation, with no birds.

Only to be interrupted with a silly question:

—Was that too embarrassing?

He turned his head nodding, and not long after, he asked her something else:

—If there were a God, what would you hope for?. Not what you'd wish for, but rather, what would you like that God to be like?.

A long silence started, she couldn't think on a worthwhile answer.

Time passed and he only could bring up that she has never been much for small talk.

They started arguing in a friendly way, jumping from one topic into another, until one thing was bringed up.

Even after that much time working for her, she still didn't know almost anything about him.

The apology from his master was quickly accepted by him, but he turned to see the moon.

—Let me tell you a story from long, long ago. I once tried my hand at playing God.

He then walked closer to the water, staring this time into the ocean before starting:

—I settled in a village and started performing good deeds, I wanted nothing more than to use my curse to help people. Sometimes, that took the form of healing wounds and illness. Other times, I toppled tyrants. And for my trouble, I was punished; even put to death. A minor setback, given that I'm immortal. People celebrated my many returns as miracles.

—I see, then you really were a God to them.

—I was. And it was by no means an unpleasant feeling. Over time, word of my exploits had spread to other settlements. People from afar sought my aid. I went to help these new villages, just as I did the first. And when things finally settled down, I made my way back to the first village torestmy weary mind. I believed that I would be welcomed with open arms. I was a fool. My return drew nothing but criticism.

—After growing accustomed to your powers, the village took you for granted.

—That's right.They blamed me for every negative event that occurred during my abscense. It was then that I realized. I wasn't a savior to these people. I was merely a repairman whose absence inconvenienced them. I was nothing more than an everyday system. You can imagine how disappointing this was to one who saw himself as God. If nothing else, at least you can't compare God with a system. But what does that make God, who can soothe people's souls?. What exactly is God trying to save?.

—This is why you asked me what I hoped God would be? Are you still looking for an answer?.

—You've already shown me one, so I'll tell you what I think. There's something that exists beyond people's understanding of this world, something close to their hearts. When such an existence earns their belief, it is called God. In it, people can find true salvation. And if there were an immortal storyteller in this world, he would likely find a place close to people's hearts as well. In wich case, I might be able to truly save people. So please, say it. Tell me you'll "leave the rest to me". I'm certain now that I can live up to those words. As your friend.

The moonlight rays showed that a smile had been drawn on his face, along with thin shiny lines descending down his cheeks, it was something that his master never saw in all of his life.

Clearly astonished, she could only smile with him before saying his last words and leave after a tight embrace:

—Thank you...Very well, I'll leave the rest to you.

After that, he took his leave, to the mountains, the place where he first died. From there, he could see that first village, and with no pressure he taked the special dagger given by his master and stabbed hymself in the chest. He would be free after so long lifetimes, to live the only one that he always wanted, the one that was stolen from him, and the one his only friend wanted for him. The sight of the village was blurring, the sound of the birds was everytime sounding more far away, the only thing he could smell was that oxidated scent from his own blood and through the blade he feeled how his heartbeat was getting weaker through the blade. And finally he said his last words to the world:

—Here are clothes and shoes, even a map is prepared. Nothing left for divising, nothing left to find out. Wash, wash away the knowledge, before becoming just a machine that breaths.

But even after that he found himself in that cylindrical space with those window-like mirrors, and the birds that anchored their gaze on him. Eventually the birds ended up transforming their gazes into excruciating pain that pierced every inch of his body until he experienced the maximum amount of pain a human can experience, just like the first time. And at the same time all of them started screaming that now familiar song for him:

To survive! To connect! To descend! Die a ruthless death, that's life! A meaningless life, that's death!

Fly! Get high! Dive! Burn out! Before the moon's domination!

Fly! Get high! Dive! Burn out! Before being dragged down!

Don't lose your wings! Even if they turn to ash! Even if they turn to dust!

Fly! Get high! Dive! Burn out! Even if you writhe! Even if you starve! EVEN IF YOU DIE!

Everything was slowly turning black, all the pain was dissappearing, finally, everything reached an end. But not without he noticing that "Even if you die!" was something new in the song, a farewell from the birds to him.

It was the farewell of a God. And the birth of a new life. A life of a storyteller that is going to likely found a place close to people's hearts just like that friend now lives in his own.

[amsrober02-blog]

The good, the bad, and the ugly

This past treatment was especially difficult. I had all sorts of side effects I hadn’t yet experienced. Neuropathy set in: tingling fingers and throat. The continued loss of muscle control in my hands was worse. The nausea was intensified with the tingling throat. I’ve also started losing hair. This chemo causes a slow hair loss (thinning). I look in the mirror thinking that I will see bald spots, but I have not yet. It makes me wonder how many hairs are actually on my head because I’ve lost hundreds of strands. My energy level has taken a dive this time as well. I’m extremely exhausted most days. Also... stomach issues.... we’ll just leave it at that. On top of it, I also took a pregnancy test. Apparently chemo can mess with your menstrual cycle. Who knew? Btw... I’m not pregnant even though I dreamt about nursing a sweet baby. Hahaha!

So onto my off week. I look so forward to normal life when I feel good. I don’t take for granted the ability to feel hungry and energetic. The normalcy that comes on my off weeks is bittersweet. I try to fit as much into my off weeks as I can. I read a lot and connect with people a lot. Anthony and I try to squeeze lots of dinners in with new families from church and close friends as well. Community with these people is so very important to us. I find myself tired at the end of each week, but so fulfilled by the joy the Lord brings me through these people that lift us up. I find myself enjoying talking to complete strangers and try to have real conversations with people: cashiers, whoever is sitting next to me at a show choir event (I may have made friends with a 75 year old man named Jim. He is absolutely the sweetest and so kind), and even new people at church. I find myself breaking inside at the fact that there are still people who don’t understand how wonderful it is to not just know who Jesus is, but what it means to have a real relationship with Him. I want others to have this so badly it hurts.

On that same note, can I just say how amazing this community is? Here we are a couple of months into this process and people are still reaching out. I just left a benefit auction for my sweet friend, Shelley’s little boy who is struggling with brain cancer. Not only are people lifting him up in prayer, but they came together to give $ to this family so willingly. Dozens of people and companies donated items and gift cards to help a complete stranger. My other sweet, giving friend donated a large meal to feed everyone that participated today. On top of it, she even made me a meal. It just continues to amaze me how God uses people to bless others in such selfless ways. My own school/work: Morgan Elementary is holding a fundraiser that second graders have organized so that they can help support myself and two other teachers affected by cancer. I hope the biggest lesson they learn is that they are never too young to make a difference and bless others. God can use them right now at this very moment to do big things; and what big things they are doing! I’m so proud to be part of a community like this.

If you’ve sent a message, a card, a gift, a meal, please know what a huge impact that you’ve had on my life and my walk with the Lord. Your kindness is like a giant embrace from my sweet Jesus. The prayers and actions of others have helped pave the road that was once blocked by mountains. I couldn’t see my way out not long ago. To be honest, there are still days that I feel overwhelmed by it all. The thought of 9 more treatments seems insurmountable at times. When you’re in the midst of everything, it just feels like too much. But then you push through, God gives me the boost I need, and I go onto the next one each time.

I’m reading a new book called “When God Doesn’t Fix It” by Laura Story. It’s about a woman whose husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor that would eventually affect his mental health. During this process, she talked about how the world just seemed to spin around her. Everyone wanted to do something to help, but a lot of times their words would be too much or she felt as if she would need to console them, but she had nothing to give. She had a quote I underlined and loved. It said, “My favorite visitors were the ones who said the three magic words: not “I love you,” or even, “I am praying for you,” but “Here’s your latte.” Those words made me smile each time I heard them because the people who brought me lattes weren’t trying to give me answers. They were just trying to give me coffee. They sat with me and wept with me and never said a word. They were the ones who refilled my empty cup.” That has been so many of you. After I received my diagnosis, so many of my friends just met me where I was. You told me it sucks. You didn’t try to fix it. You sat and cried with me, prayed with me, and fed me donuts. Lol! You all knew that I just needed to be loved and I can’t thank you enough. No one could make this go away. No one could fix it, but you showed me the love and grace of God through your selfless actions.

Psalm 43:3 says, “Send me your light and your faithful care, let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell.” I love this verse. The world can feel dark and scary when you’re going through something you don’t understand, but our God is there. He isn’t tricky. We don’t have to search for Him. We don’t have to earn His love or even be worthy of His presence. We just have to accept His love. And once you do, wow. Your life will change. Tears come to my eyes when I think of how different life might have been had God not allowed this trial. The blessings I would have missed out on had I not gone through it would have been a shame. He knew that my spiritual health was more important than my physical health. He knew the spiritual health of those around me was just as important and how their lives would change because of an inconvenience to mine. His love is so much bigger than we can fathom. His light is brighter than darkness. And where there is darkness, His light is even brighter. Why is that? It’s because although we live in a fallen world and evil is in it (sickness, death, sadness), He still reigns. There will come a day when all of this will end. For some of us, it will come with death. For others, it will come with Christ’s return. Until that day, I will continue to glorify Him despite my circumstances because He is so good.

So.... I look forward to this next week. I’m praying that God will use me this week to bless others the way that they have blessed me. I pray that my eyes and heart will be open to the needs of others. If you don’t know Jesus, reach out to me this week. I want to share with you the love that is waiting for you if you’ll just accept it. Life will throw you curve balls and you’ll hit road blocks, but your life can be so much more fulfilling if you know Jesus. 💙

[lovren-la-vida-luka]

Unbreak My Heart

This was an anon request for something “super mega angsty” with Krama. I’ve never written anything like this before, so I hope it turned out okay!

Pairing: Andrej Kramaric x reader Words: 2000 Warnings: some swearing, self doubt/low self esteem, arguing

“I love it when the sky turns pink,” you muse, pointing up at the cotton candy clouds above you. “Isn’t it pretty?”

“It is,” he replies, placing his hand on yours. “Not as pretty as you though.”

You laugh, jumping to your feet. “Let’s see if it’s reflected in the lake!”

Andrej follows you, and you find that it is. The parts of the water not shaded by trees reflect the pink and orange hues from above, and you resist the urge to jump in. It’s not hard to see why this woodland clearing is your favourite place. You came here stargazing on your second date, and it’s been somewhat of a second home ever since. Whether it’s a picnic on a sunny morning, or watching the sun go down and the stars appear with nothing but each other (and maybe some rakija), this is your place. Your initials are carved into a tree stump, and you’ve named some of the animals after his teammates – Dejan the raccoon actually comes close so you can give him fruit from your picnics now, and you both know that “Raketa” is a different squirrel every time, but that doesn’t stop you saying hi excitedly whenever you see an orange flash scurry up a tree.

This night is as perfect as always. But this time, you don’t say jokingly say goodnight to the animals when you leave. You say goodbye. Andrej doesn’t notice.

He chalks the quiet car ride home back to your place up to you being tired, and it’s only when you get into the house that he notices something is wrong. You look different. He’s not sure how, but you do. The spark you usually have after visiting your place isn’t there, and when he tries to hug you, you take a second too long to settle into his embrace.

He pulls back and looks at you, a confused frown taking over his face. “Y/N, are you okay?”

When you don’t answer, he gently tilts your chin upwards to look into your eyes. “Ljubavi, what’s wrong? I thought you had a good time tonight!”

“I did,” you whisper with a sad smile. “It was perfect. And that makes this even harder.”

Andrej stares at you, slowly coming to a realisation. He lowers himself slowly into his armchair – no, your armchair, just the one he’d always used, until today – shaking his head. “No…” he whispers. “Why? We were fine. Everything seemed perfect, did I miss something? I love you, you love me-“

“I loved you,” you interrupt, begging your voice not to waver. “Past tense.”

He looks up at you, tears beginning to roll from his warm blue eyes down his cheeks. “I don’t believe you,” he chokes. Part of you wants to tell him he’s right, hold him close and apologise a million times for ever saying it, but you know you can’t.

“Andrej, please. I don’t want to see you hurt like this… don’t make this harder for yourself,” you tell him, keeping your voice as cold and flat as you can, determined not to let him see that your words are destroying you as much as they are him.

“But… tonight…” he croaks, grasping at his T-shirt, his hair, anything in his reach, just desperate to hold onto something.

“I wanted one more memory,” you say, barely able to hold back your own tears. “I just wanted everything to be perfect one last time.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, it was,” he whispers. “Thank you, Y/N. For that one last perfect moment, and for every other over the past few months. For trying. For loving me… even if it’s past tense.”

It isn’t. “It is. I’m sorry.”

He nods in defeat and gets to his feet with a sigh.

You want to hit him, you know it’s unreasonable, and you don’t want to see him hurting any more than he already is, but part of you wishes he’d scream, shout, beg, trash the house, something. While you know you should be relieved that it seems easy for him, it feels like a dagger through your chest.

He walks out of the door without another word, and suddenly you feel lost. You regret never letting him buy the terrible ornaments he pointed out, or light his dumb candles, anything that would give your house even a touch of his presence, because right now it feels like he was never there. You don’t think you’ll ever be able to forget him, but still, it feels like he was never there and it’s the worst feeling you’ve ever experienced.

You sit in his – no, your – armchair and bury your face into the back of it, trying to convince yourself it smells of him. Maybe it does… you can’t quite tell. Somewhere between the warm, woody scent and the bittersweet memories, your eyes close one last time and you drift into sleep.

According to the clock, it’s midnight when you’re awoken by the doorbell. Still half-awake and hazy, you stumble to the door and realise a second too late that you shouldn’t have opened it.

“I tried to just walk away. I love you so fucking much, Y/N, and I just wanted you to be happy, even if that’s not with me. But please, at least tell me why.”

The pleading in his voice makes you feel sick, you can’t believe you’ve made him, your Krama, your everything, feel this way. Unable to take a second more, and knowing that an explanation will only make things worse, you whisper one last apology and push the door closed. You crumple to the floor behind the door, covering your mouth with your hand to muffle the howl of despair that escapes from your lips.

There’s an abrupt, hammering knock on the door, making you jump away from it. He calls your name, begging you to talk to him. His voice is wracked with sobs, and you clamp your hands over your ears, curling into a ball on the floor. “No, no, no…” you whimper over and over, listening to his voice becoming quieter as he resigns himself to the fact that you’re gone.

Eventually, everything goes quiet, and you assume he left. You stay where you are, unable to move, weeping silently as you replay his cries in your head on a loop. Suddenly, you hear the letterbox open, and before you have time to process it, a folded sheet of paper falls onto you, brushing your shoulder on its way to the floor.

Hands trembling, you pick up the paper and unfold it. There are wet specks on it, where tears have clearly fallen on it, and to save what’s left of your heart you convince yourself they’re all yours. Through the tears in your eyes and the smudged ink, it’s difficult, but you begin to read.

-

Dear Y/N,

I don’t know what I did, or where it all went wrong, but I’ve accepted that I never will, and I won’t bother you again.

This is my goodbye. To those perfect memories, and the imperfect ones too. To our inside jokes, even the ones you didn’t really get. To all of our plans, that are now what-ifs. To you.

I will never forget you. I can only hope that you’ll forgive me one day.

Yours forever, even if I never truly was,

Andrej

-

By the time he’d written his name, his handwriting was almost illegible. You try to shake the image of him, crying, hands shaking, writing his final words to you against the front door that you shut in his face, but you can’t.

You stand up, slowly, legs shaking and head spinning, and slowly open the door to find him sitting on the doorstep, head in his hands. “Andrej…” you whisper, and he looks up at you with red, puffy eyes full of pain and exhaustion.

“I’m going, okay? I’m just trying to calm down a little before I call a cab.”

His voice is flat and raspy, and it kills you. You can’t do this.

“Don’t,” you breathe. “Don’t call a cab. Come inside. Let’s talk about this.”

Andrej looks unsure, but as you offer your hand to help him to his feet, he takes it, and doesn’t pull away as you lead him indoors. You close the door behind you, and look up at him, not sure what to do next.

“Why?” he asks, and you gesture for him to sit down in his – your? – no, his, armchair. He doesn’t. He sits down tentatively on the edge of the sofa, looking at the floor, and you feel your tears start to flow again. He always sat in that chair. He’s acting like he doesn’t belong here… of course he is, you told him he didn’t. The least he deserves is the truth, you decide, and so you take a deep breath and explain everything.

“You deserve someone better,” you tell him quietly. “Your teammates have girls who look like models… hell, half of them are models. They’re all so perfect, and I’m just me. You deserve perfection too. Not me, and my average looks and emotional baggage and…” your voice trails off as he stands up and walks towards you, a storm raging in the blue sky of his eyes.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Y/N?” he growls, his face inches from yours. You’ve never felt scared of him before, but you feel your pulse start to race as his lip raises into a snarl. “I SAID, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?”

“No,” you sniffle, avoiding his eyes. He takes hold of your face, firmly but gently, and forces you to look him in the eye.

“Are you finding it hard to look at me?” he snaps. “I hope so. I hope it hurts to see the damage you’ve done. You broke my heart, and all because you thought you weren’t good enough for me? Isn’t that for me to decide?!”

Unable to respond, you choke out another sob and push his hand away from your face.

“Don’t you understand? The fact that my teammates are with models or whatever the fuck… that means I could be too. Yet, I chose you. Because to me, you are perfection. If you’re average, there’s no hope for anyone else. And I don’t remember you kidnapping me - I chose you, you idiot. I chose you every day.”

He pauses, and when he speaks again, his voice is softer. “I’d still choose you every day. I hate you right now, but fuck if I don’t love you with my whole heart. Present tense. Future tense. Every tense.”

“I love you too,” you tell him, and somewhere deep within his aching heart he knows you mean it. “Not past tense. Present. Future. Not past… God, it killed me to say that.”

“Sorry if I don’t have much sympathy,” he snarks, and you step forward and gingerly touch his arm.

“I’m sorry, that was a stupid thing to say,” you admit, gently tracing your fingertips down his arm. “I’m an idiot.”

“Damn right you are,” he sighs, but a second later he takes your hand in his. “You absolutely are. But I still choose you. Can we try again? Molim te, ljubavi. I don’t want to lose you, especially now I know how ridiculous your reasons were.”

You nod your head, choke out a “yes” and pull him close, sobbing into his chest, breathing in the scent of his cologne.

“I’m so, so sorry, Andrej,” you cry, grasping fistfuls of the soft fabric of his T-shirt.

“I know,” he whispers, and you feel his strong hand caressing your hair. “Let’s get you to bed, yeah? You’re exhausted, I can feel it.”

“Stay with me,” you plead, and suddenly, you find yourself lifted off the ground. You automatically wrap your legs around his waist and bury your face in the crook of his neck.

“Don’t you worry,” he says softly, placing a tender kiss on your head as he carries you towards the bedroom. “I’m going nowhere.”

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