#seeing them tomorrow after a week of not seeing them; it’ll be really nice!

[miniwheat77]

Slut. (Stepdad!Graves x Reader.)

!nsfw, smut, age gap (gap is up to you), slurs, p in v sex, unprotected sex, cheating, virginity loss, virgin!reader, NO MINORS!

“It’s only for a couple months. It’s not ideal for me but she’s really going through it.”

He sighs, crossing his arms as he looks at your mom. “What exactly is she going through? And you know I’ll never say no to that.” He laughs. Your mom sighs. “She broke up with her boyfriend and I guess he started spreading a rumor around their campus and the other college kids really started laying into her. So she’s just taking a break for a while and needs a place to stay.”

He nods his head. “That’s fine. It would be a lot easier if I had ever met the girl.” He laughs. “Yeah. You know how it is though. With her dad and us getting married like 6 months into knowing each other. She didn’t want to be around.” She sighs. “I get it.” He nods. “So when does she come around?” He asks. “She’ll be in tomorrow.”

Phillip nods his head, sipping on his coffee.

This was going to be eventful.

———

It’s about three in the afternoon the following day when your car rolls into the driveway and you’re not exactly what he’d expected. You knock at the door and you seem quiet and shy as your mom opens the door. When you step inside, he stands up and really takes in your appearance. You’re gorgeous but you don’t look anything like your mom which makes him think you take after your dad. He’s never met him, so he’ll never know.

Your eyes are soft yet piercing at the same time and your hair frames your face. You’re beautiful. He gives a smile and introduces himself, shaking your hand. “Hi. I’m Phillip, it’s nice to finally meet you.” You smile up at him, eyes avoiding eye contact.

Your mom shows you up to a spare room, and this is going to be his life now. Once she finishes showing you the room, you’re up there unpacking for a while.

“She.. is different.” Your mom opens up to Phillip later on in the night. They’re getting ready for bed. You’ve been in your room for a few hours now, it’s been nothing but silent.

“What do you mean?”

“She just.. she’s so quiet and coy now. And that was never like her before. When she went off to college I thought for sure she was going to be kicked out within the first week.” She sighs. “I’m sure she’s just growing up.” He shrugs. “No.. it’s definitely not that. Whatever those kids did to her there.. it really messed her up.” Your mom seems distraught.

“Look, I’m sure she’ll be fine. Give it a couple months and I’m sure she’ll be back to her normal self in no time.” He smiles.

———

You don’t spend much time around them. You spend hours and hours in your room or out of the house. They don’t pry too much because you’re an adult after all. It’s almost like you’re not even there. Which is ideal, he imagines. But it’s weird.

During your first week, your mom learns she has to go on a business trip for training a couple hours away, which makes Phillip nervous. She imagines it’ll be good time for the both of you to bond, asks him to take you out to dinner and try to get you to open up. He doesn’t know how to feel but says he’ll try. Although he doesn’t think he actually will. He doesn’t want to bother you.

When she leaves, he takes it as an opportunity.

He invites you down for dinner of course, and for a couple of days, you actually do join him. One of these times he chooses to corner you.

“So. What brought you home from college? Your mom said there was something about a boy.” He sees the way you tense up, and get worried. He shouldn’t have come on so strong. “I.. sorry. That was rude of me. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want, your mom is just really worried about you.” He mumbles.

You swallow hard and look down at the table in front of you. “Uh..” you hesitate. “Well. I had a boyfriend and some stuff happened. And when we first got together I was young and stupid and sent him pictures I shouldn’t have and when we broke up, he sent them around to people and they spread to most of the people at my college. So they were just..” you swallow hard. “Calling me names. Like a slut and whatever.” You breathe. “Didn’t your mom ever have that talk with you? To not send stuff like that around?” He asks. You look up at him. “No?”

He looks confused. “Really?”

“I.. don’t want to be that person, but my mom was never there for me.”

He’s confused. Your mom had made it seem like she was such an active part of your life, hearing this was foreign. “I had no idea. She made it sound like you two were really close.”

You shake your head. “No.. she struggled with alcohol so I lived with my dad. And he wasn’t always the greatest. So no.. nobody really taught me much. But I found out. Unfortunately it was the hard way.” You mumble. “I was reluctant to come here but.. I appreciate you giving me a place to stay Phillip. You seem like a good guy.” You smile, only locking eyes with him for a couple seconds before excusing yourself from the table. He wonders why your mom would lie about being a good mother.

It’s a couple days later when Phillip royally fucks up.

He’s got a couple friends over, he tells you about it before he invites them. You obviously say it’s his house he can do whatever he wants.

They’ve been over a few hours now, they’re watching football and drinking beer. Maybe he’d had a little too much to drink.

He goes to put some laundry away because he hears the dryer beeping that the clothes are done. He knows how pissed your mom will be if he forgets to do laundry while she’s out.

He’s passing by the kitchen to run the clean clothes into the living room, dropping articles of clothing as he walks. He sets them down on the couch to deal with later. He’s too drunk to care about it. He picks up the other clothes he dropped and throws them onto the pile, than sits down. He picks up his beer again, but one of his friends notices something on top of the pile of clothes.

He tucks his finger under the lacy panties, lifting it up. He moves it back and fourth. “This your wife’s?” He chuckles. Phillip laughs. “Nah, not a chance in hell.”

“Must belong to that sexy little step daughter of yours than, ah?”

Phillip scoffs, shaking his head. Groaning when his friend throws them on him.

“Y/N! Come here!” He yells. It startles you in your room and you stand up in a hurry, making your way down the stairs and into the living room. You’re worried it’s something serious but when you step into the living room, you freeze when all eyes are on you. “These belong to you?” He smirks. Raising up the pair of panties that must’ve gotten mixed up in your laundry. “Uh- y-yes.“ you hesitate. He tosses them at you. You catch them. “Maybe you should be more careful about where you’re leaving things like that, yeah? I mean I know people already call you a slut but you don’t want to start acting like one here too.” He smirks. Your heart falls right into your stomach and he can see the pain fill your doe eyes as you look back at him.

“Y-yes sir.” You swallow the lump in your throat. Turning away and rushing back up the stairs, hearing his friends laugh at you as you hurry away. Tears fill your eyes and you barely hold them back until the door is closed.

The moment it’s latched and locked, tears spill over your eyelids.

You were so stupid to get yourself into this situation.

———

Phillip wakes up on the couch, his head is pounding.

He’s still in his clothes from the day before and he groans out. His eyes glances over to the pile of unfolded laundry, his friends have all left. He sits up, trying to remember any of the events that happened the night before. Something feels off. He rubs his eyes, groaning as he stands up from the couch.

He stands up, starting to clean up the mess they’d made the day before. Walking into the kitchen to dig out an energy drink he’d left in there. Once he’s got all the trash, bottles, and dishes up. He makes his way to the pile of laundry. He starts to fold them, stacking them up and when his fingers glide over the lace hem of a tank top, he freezes.

His blood runs cold when the memories come flooding in all at once.

His friend picking up the panties, him calling you downstairs. What he had said to you. He drops the clothes and hurries up the stairs, he needed to apologize immediately.

He knocks at your door, but doesn’t get an answer. “Y/N?” He asks. He hopes you’re inside.

No reply. He tries the door handle and to his surprise, it opens up.

You’re not inside anywhere. But he sees your duffel bag is half packed again. He notices some of your items laid out on your bed, including your phone. Along with a ripped makeup bag. That must be where you went. To get a new one.

To continue to pack your things again.

So you could leave.

Phillip feels like the biggest prick in the world, why would he have even said that to you? What the hell was wrong with him?

He wonders why you’d left your phone.

He wanders in and picks it up, opening it up. He’s surprised when there’s no passcode on it. He opens it right up and he knows it’s not his place to be going through it, but he does.

He goes right to your messages, he wonders if you told your mom about what he had said. He doesn’t see her conversation for a few names down. The first messages he notices are from someone named Dylan. He remembers hearing about him before, thinking he must be your old boyfriend. He opens up the chat which makes him realize this was a mistake.

There’s about a hundred messages of him calling you names. All kinds of names under the sun, most of them being along the lines of a slut or whore. He sees the photos you had sent when you first met him in college. The photos make him sick, your face isn’t in them and they’re not entirely nude. That doesn’t change anything. He backs out of the conversation and sees many others from people you were going to college with. They’re harassing you nonstop and you even receive a few messages while he’s going through it. All slurs.

He goes to the conversation you’d had with your mom. And what he finds, he’s not too happy with.

He finds out that this has been going on for far longer than he thought, and that your mom had actually turned you down for the first few months. Saying that her and Phillip had no room for you and that you’d just have to tough it out, and before that. She had only messaged you maybe twice on your birthdays the few years previously. Other than that, nothing.

It makes Phillip realize the kind of mom she’d really been to you. And that you hadn’t made any of it up. That she really was an absent mom.

“What are you doing?”

You startle him. He quickly closes your phone, standing up from where he had sat on your bed. “I- I just-“ he takes a deep breath. “I came up here to see if you were here.” He starts. You cross your arms, avoiding his gaze. “Listen.. what I said last night Y/N. I was being a fucking idiot and I was just-“

“It’s fine.” You interrupt him. “It’s not fine. What I did was so fucked up, and I’m so sorry Y/N.” He sighs. “And.. this?” He holds up your phone. “It’s mine until further notice.”

“What?” Your eyes widen. “Listen to me.” He sighs. “What’s in this phone? Is a crime. And you and I are going to go on a road trip so that I can take care of this for you. Understand?”

“I don’t need you to do that.” You avoid his eyes. “Of course you don’t. But I’m going to. So please. If you’ll bring your bag with a change of clothes. We’re leaving in 15.” He sighs. Passing you to leave.

Your college was a few hours away.

When he comes back a few minutes later, your bag is packed. “Listen, Phillip. I’m going to go stay with a couple friends a few hours away. I don’t want to do any of this anymore-“

He shakes his head. “Listen sweetheart. I know you’re not mine, but I’m not letting this go. We’re taking care of this. Now come on.” He nods his head for you to follow him. You sigh. He grasps your duffel bag, carrying it down the stairs and out to his truck, making sure to lock the door behind the both of you. He doesn’t tell your mom where he’s going, to be honest he’s kind of pissed at her anyways.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because you don’t deserve this. And these fucking assholes that are sending you this shit deserve some repercussions for the way they’re acting.”

“You.. do realize you said exactly what they’re saying about me… right?”

The words sting a bit. “I don’t think that about you. I was just.. being stupid.” He sighs.

The entire car ride is mostly silent.

He’s the one who finally breaks the silence. “The photos. How old were you when you sent them to him?” He asks. You shrug. “I don’t know. Eighteen or something.”

“Did you have sex with him?”

You turn to look at him. “No!” Your eyes are wide. “So why’d you send the pictures?”

“Because he wouldn’t leave me alone.” You sigh. “I don’t understand why they’re calling you a slut if you literally sent your boyfriend photos. Personally.” He sighs. He picks up his energy drink from the cup holder and takes a drink.

“I’m just as stumped as you, cause I’ve never even had sex.” You mumble.

He presses the breaks a little too hard, sputtering on the drink. He coughs violently, seeing you look at him in surprise. “Are you serious?”

“What?”

“You’re a virgin?”

“Uh… yeah.” You mumble.

“Jesus H- ugh.” He growls.

“Y/N. I’m sorry sweetheart.” He sighs. “I feel so much worse now knowing that. I mean.. Jesus Christ.”

The rest of the drive is quiet, mostly him wiping the energy drink off of himself and his steering wheel.

You reach the campus after those 3 long hours and he pulls up. It’s the middle of the day.

As you approach the doors to the entrance, you’re getting so many stares. “Phillip…” you mumble. “I know. Just keep walking okay?” He mumbles, pulling you closer to him. He’s wearing his military attire, everything but the vest and head gear. It has his name and branch on the front. He’s official.

You sigh. He walks inside, walking right up to the front desk. You’re following close behind him. “Y/N. Back so soon?” She smiles. “Yeah, actually I was wondering who I would speak to about some issues she’s been having with some of the other students.” Phillip talks for you. “Oh.. uh. Right this way.” She smiles. She leads the both of you into the office of someone very important, you can tell by the sheer size of the office. You feel like a little girl following her dad in so he can scold the principal.

“Hi. Take a seat. How can I help you?” He smiles.

“Ah, so you’re the person I’m looking for.” Phillip smiles. “So.. to make a long story short, Y/N and her boyfriend split up and he got mad. So he leaked some photos that she had sent him, that’s not really my issue. I’ll pursue further legal action with him. But a couple of other students who don’t know Y/N managed to get her phone number and have been nonstop harassing her since it happened. I have her phone here.” He slides it over to him. “What.. uh. I’m sorry.” He pauses. “What do you want me to do exactly?”

“Y/N, sweetheart. Will you step out into the hallway for a moment please?” Phillip smiles. You nod your head, standing up and exiting through the door. You take a seat in the chair just outside the door.

“I don’t think we’ve met. My name is Phillip Graves. More specifically Commander Phillip Graves. And I really hope this meeting goes the correct way because if it doesn’t, there will be hell to pay. You have their names and phone numbers and I expect this to be taken care of before I sue the holy hell out of this place, and with my standing, I will not lose. Do I make myself clear?”

The man gulps on the other side of the table. Realizing the severity of the situation he’s in. “Y-yeah. Of course. I’ll get them taken care of, may I write down their names and phone numbers?”

“Of course. And before you deal with Dylan, I’d like to speak with him myself, thank you. It was nice meeting you.” He smiles, reaching his hand across his desk for a very firm handshake. Once he’s done taking down their numbers, Phillip exits the office. He smiles when he sees you and helps you up from your chair, leading you out. “Let’s go find a hotel room for the night, yeah?” He smiles.

He leads you back out the school. Walking as if he hasn’t just raised hell in there.

———

Phillip has your phone in hand. He’s sent Dylan a text. It’s wrong of course. How he’s pretending to be you.

Hey. Can we please meet up and talk?

Phillip is sitting about a block away from the bus stop, where he’d asked him to meet. He sees him approaching, once he reaches it, he sits down on the bench. He looks around for you, not seeing you. This is when Phillip goes in for the kill. He makes his way toward the bus stop, Dylan sees him and gets uneasy.

“You must be Dylan.”

“What is this?” He asks, standing up from the bench. He’s trying to look tough.

“I’m Phillip.” He smiles. “What’s going on?”

“I’m Y/N’s step dad.”

He scoffs. “What, the military freak? She sent you?” He turns just slightly to walk away. “She’s probably fucking you too huh? Slut.”

Phillip swings and hits Dylan with a right hook, sending him back. Before he can hit the ground, he steadies him by grabbing his shoulder and punching him in the stomach as hard as he can. He hears Dylan cough and sputter.

“I saw the messages you’ve sent her. Along with your little friends.” He yanks him up by the back of his collar.

“Now listen to me, yeah?” Phillip is seething. “You’re gonna leave Y/N alone. If I see even one message from you or any of your friends, I will bury you and your mom won’t even know where to begin looking. You better spread the word. You leave her alone or so help me god…” he breathes. He’s pissed. “Okay! Okay- please just let me go!” He breathes. Phillip takes one last swing and knocks him back. His back hitting the ground with a thud. He shakes the pain out of his fist. “I hope you remember this the next time you want to leak nude photos of someone.”

Phillip walks away. Leaving him there on the ground.

———

The following day, he gets the call that at least 7 students have been expelled entirely from the college. Including Dylan. An announcement being made about a zero tolerance for bullying and harassment. It’s going to save your college experience from there on out.

He’s got a hold of your phone for now, and you notice as he drives home that his knuckles are completely torn to shreds. It makes you think that maybe when he’d gone out to get ice the night before, that maybe he wasn’t really getting any ice.

You’re not sure what the feeling is in your gut. His tight white t-shirt and blue jeans. His split knuckles from what you hope was him beating the holy hell out of dylan and how you would’ve loved to have seen it for yourself. Your step dad pummeling him.

You can’t help but clench your thighs together. What were you thinking?

“You know.. I know you’re not mine. And I don’t have any kids. But if you ever need anything at all, don’t be afraid to ask. I don’t have all the answers but I grew up with sisters and I know some stuff.” He looks at you. You turn to look at him.

Your eyes shine under the sun. Your doe eyes looking up at him.

He gets a feeling in his gut that he can’t shake. He shouldn’t be feeling like this.

“Thank you, Phillip. But I’ll be alright. If I ever need anything, I’ll be sure to ask.” You smile.

He smiles. “I think I’ve learned my lesson.” You mumble. He sighs. “Hey. This wasn’t supposed to be a lesson. It’s not your fault that people are assholes.” You giggle. “Besides. Your mom is supposed to be there to help you with this kind’ve thing.” You shrug. “Yeah.. unfortunately I don’t have that.” You mumble. “She’ll always be the victim, you know?” You turn to look at him. “What do you mean?”

“No matter what story. Who was the aggressor, it doesn’t matter if she’s said the most unkind things in the world. She’ll always play the victim.” You rest your arm on the center console. He sighs. “Yeah. I’m realizing that.”

“Didn’t your mom ever tell you not to marry someone you just met?” You smirk. “Uh yeah. Actually she did. It’s not her fault I didn’t listen.” He laughs, nudging you with his elbow. You laugh. You liked Phillip. He was a good man.

When he’s not drinking anyways.

———

“It was nice of you to do that for her Phillip, but she’s a big girl. She can fight her own battles.”

They’re the first words out of your mom’s mouth, and it really gets under his skin. He didn’t tell her everything. Not about how he’d beat up Dylan or threatened to sue if actions weren’t taken.

“You know. When I went through her phone, I saw the messages between the both of you.” He pauses. Taking in a deep breath. “I have to say I was pretty shocked. I only saw a couple happy birthday messages. Not “how are you?” Not “when are you going to visit?” No “I miss you” nothing.” He looks at her. She pauses, turning to look at him. “What are you saying?”

“It’s just weird. You made yourself out to be this super supportive mom who was always there for her daughter. And you turned her down for months while this was going on. And for what? Nothing?”

She groans. “Phillip. Are we really going to do this? Sometimes I just don’t have the mental capacity to deal with Y/N. She’s an adult.”

He shakes his head. “You make it seem like she doesn’t handle her own issues. When to me, it seems like she’s been fighting her own battles her whole life. No thanks to you.”

When the words leave his mouth, she’s fuming. “You know, I knew this was going to happen when I told her she could stay here.” She growls. “What are you talking about?” He’s confused. “She ruins everything. She’s like a tornado, everywhere she goes she ruins everything.” He scoffs. “This isn’t her fault.” He shakes his head. “You’re ridiculous.” He mumbles. She starts gathering her items into a small bag. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to stay with a friend for tonight. I can’t deal with this.”

He laughs. “I’m starting to think you’re not who you say you are.”

Those words make her pause.

She looks up at him.

“I want a divorce.” She blurts the words out before she can even process them herself.

“You got it, honey.”

This only pisses her off further, she picks the bag up and leaves.

You’re coming up the stairs as she’s going down them, slamming right into her. “Oh- sorry mom!” You step to the side. “You should be sorry. You ruin everything.”

He hears this, going down the stairs. She rushes down them, you follow after her. “What? What’s going on?”

“You ruin everything. You’ve been here a week and you’ve already destroyed my marriage. If you weren’t a slut, we wouldn’t even be doing this!” Your eyes widen at her words. She slams the door behind herself. He groans. “Look.. she’s just mad alright? She doesn’t mean it.” He sighs. “What happened?”

“I just.. we got into a fight.” He sighs. “Everything will be fine by tomorrow alright? I’m gonna go after her.”

And just like that, you’re alone.

You sigh.

As much as you hated it, she was right.

You ruined absolutely everything you crossed paths with. You only met Phillip a week ago and things have already changed so much.

Every single person around you called you names. When you didn’t do anything to deserve it. You made your way up the stairs and gathered all of your belongings. Shoving everything into that same duffel bag, once again. You made sure you had all of it, tidying up the room. Neater than the way you found it. You made your way downstairs and out to your car, throwing the bag in the back seat and climbing into the front. You know there’s a lake across town, it’s dark and probably not the best idea, but you drive there anyways. You park in the parking lot and lock your car behind you, making your way out onto the dock. Sitting down and letting your feet dangle just above the water. You wish Phillip hadn’t taken your phone.

Phillip follows your mom, wondering where she’ll end up. He has a good feeling where she’s going isn’t going to be good.

He sees her pull into the driveway, a man coming out onto the front porch. Greeting her with a hug. He wonders who it is, until she leans in for a kiss.

He drives past, circling the block to get back to you. He can’t save his marriage but he can save his relationship with you. Step daughter or not, he cares about you. He sees your car is gone, rushing inside to see that all of your things are gone. He’s defeated. He would just have to look for you.

He leaves the house, making sure to lock the door behind himself. He would take care of everything later. He just needs to get to you.

He doesn’t know where to look. He doesn’t know if you’ll get a hotel, so he drives past a few. But doesn’t see your car. He’s about to give up when he passes by the sign, that the lake is only 10 miles out. It’s a shot in the dark, but he takes it anyways. Those 10 miles feel like hours, and when he sees your car in the parking lot, relief flows over him.

He parks next to your car, climbing out. He doesn’t see you inside. Wondering where you’ve gone, when he sees your shadow on the dock.

He makes his way out to you, slow. He doesn’t want to startle you.

“Shouldn’t be out this late.” He mumbles.

You don’t move. “Nowhere else in the world to go.” You sigh. He moves to sit next to you. “Why are you here?” You turn to him. “Well. You’re upset, and I care about you.”

“My mom was upset too.”

“Yeah well. She’s preoccupied. Getting comforted by another guy.” Your eyes widen.

“I’m sorry..” you breathe. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine.” He laughs.

“I should’ve never come here.”

He laughs. “I’m glad you did. Because you might’ve just saved me a lot of wasted time.” He smiles. “You know.. what she said to you..” he sighs. “It’s not true. You’re not a slut.” You look down at your hands. “I’ve heard it so much these last few months.” You laugh. “I swear, people just hate me. She’s right, I do ruin everything. I don’t know why. I try so hard to fit in and please people. But I always fall short. Sometimes I wonder if the world would be better off if I was dead.”

He shakes his head. “No. It wouldn’t,”

He swallows hard. “Honestly, I think you’d be so much better off if you just told people to fuck off every once in a while.”

You turn to look at him. “I’m serious. You can’t please everyone, if people can’t be nice to you, or like you for you, they can fuck off.” You can’t help but laugh. “You’re a good girl. You’re nice, you’re funny. You’re fucking stunning. I mean seriously, people are lucky to have you around and it’s not your fault that they choose to ignore it.”

“You’re so full of shit.” You laugh.

He laughs, shaking his head. “You gave no idea. That stupid boyfriend of yours really fucked up. He fucking fumbled a good girl. He doesn’t know it yet, but he’ll regret it.”

“Judging by your knuckles, I think he’ll regret it sooner than later.” You glance in his direction. He doesn’t see you very well but he can. He snorts. “Asshole had it coming.”

“I think you’re a good person, Phillip. I think that my mom didn’t know what she had.” You look up at him. “You might’ve implied I was a slut but at least you weren’t sober when you said it.” You look away. He sighs. “Yeah, I wish I could throw a punch at myself every once in a while.” He rolls his eyes. “It’s not true. I was being a prick.” He sighs.

You snort. "Of course it's true. Virgins can't be sluts." You laugh. He can feel crimson creeping up his cheeks at your comment.

He raises his feet up onto the dock, untying his shoes and sliding them off. Taking his socks off. “What are you doing?” You ask. “It’s hot tonight. Gonna test the water out.” He smirks. He tugs his shirt off, you can see how toned he is. With his job, he’s really fit. You turn away, swallowing hard. He slides into the water, a slight gasp leaving his lips. “You’re crazy.” You laugh. He takes in a sharp breath. "It's not bad. Get in." He smiles. "No way!" You shake your head. "Oh come on. It's no bad once you get used to it." He laughs. He's moving his hand back and fourth to keep himself afloat. You shake your head. "Is this even allowed?" You ask. "Course it is. People do it all the time." You shake your head. “Get in or I’m gonna splash you.” He smirks. “No!” You stand up, backing away from the edge of the dock. “Oh come on, I’m not actually gonna do it.” He laughs. He lowers himself down into the water, disappearing under the surface for a minute before coming back out. He shakes his now soaked hair. You can feel that same weird feeling building in your gut.

He makes you feel so weird, feelings you’ve never felt before.

“Don’t make me a loner sweetheart.” He pouts.

You roll your eyes reaching for your shoes. He laughs, “Atta girl.”

You swallow hard, trying not to go stiff at his words. Once you have your shoes off, you slide your foot into the water. He’ right, it’s not so bad. You slide in, when the water engulfs you, you let out a gasp. He laughs at you. “There we go! See? Not so bad.” He laughs.

“Uh.. Phillip?” You ask. Noticing headlights in the distance. They’re pulling into the parking lot. “Well. That’s not good.” He laughs. “What?” You look nervous. “I thought you said this was okay?” You ask. “Uhhh. Yeah. I lied. Come here!” He grasps your shirt, tugging you along. “Deep breath.” He goes under the water, pulling you underneath the dock, you can barely see through the cracks of them. You hear the tires of the car on the asphalt. He presses his fingers to his lips to silently shush you. You look him in the eyes, looking up at the dock. You hear a car door slam. “Are you sure it’s his truck?”

“Yes!” She shrieks. “And her car!” It’s your mom. How did they know you were here?”

“Look. Let’s just go alright? We’ll come back into town tomorrow and deal with it. The wood of the dock creaks above you. She’s walking out onto it. “Where are they?” She growls. “I saw his truck drive by when you got to my house earlier. He slowed down.”

“What?”

“Yeah. Maybe he knows. Thats why he came here.”

She sighs. “Whatever. I’ll deal with it tomorrow.” She growls. “Let’s go.”

They’re leaving town, that’s how she seen his truck. He notices something out of the corner of his eye, something falling into the water beside the dock. Something cloth. “Shit.” He hears the man mumble. He grasps hold of you, pulling you into him. Clamping a hand over your mouth to stop the gasp. He leans over the edge of the dock to grab it. Phillip takes a deep breath when he hears their footsteps leaving. Their car doors close and he hears them driving away.

“Shit.. that was close.” He laughs. He draws his hand away, moving away from you. He slides out from under the dock and you follow after him. “Can I ask you something?” You mumble. “Yeah, what’s up?”

“Does losing your virginity hurt as bad as everyone says it does?” His eyes widen slightly at your question.

He clears his throat. “Uh.. well.” He swallows hard. “It hurts for women, it doesn’t hurt for guys. But… I think the experience is different depending on the person.” Phillip knows the bare minimum. “Some people tear and bleed and others just.. stretch and it’s just uncomfortable for a minute.” You nod your head. “What does it feel like?” You look up at him. Arms swaying back and forth in the water to keep yourself afloat. “It’s really good. I mean- after the first time for you obviously. It will feel better.” He mumbles. “But the way it feels is unmatched. I can’t even compare it to anything because it’s good.” He shrugs. “Have you not ever… tried for yourself?”

Your eyes widen, shaking your head. “No- no. I don’t even know where to begin.” You mumble. He laughs. “Well. Sex is better than anything you can do for yourself but it still feels good.”

You haven’t noticed, but he’s crept closer. The water pushes him into you slightly.

The tension is thick in the air, and Phillip doesn’t miss the way your eyes glow in the moonlight. That look in your eyes. You had it when he was driving you back from your campus.

“What’s got you so curious?” He moves even closer. “I don’t know.” You mumble. “Just.. with everything going on.” You laugh. Shaking your head. “You don’t have to be in a rush just because of what some assholes say to you.”

“Yeah- I know that. There’s just this one asshole who kind’ve changed my whole life around in like a week of knowing him.” He smirks. “Ohhh. It’s like that?” His smile is sly and it makes you roll your eyes. “Hey- Cmere.” He reaches out. His hand slides around your hip and you stiffen up. “No need to be nervous, wrap your legs are me. I’ll hold you up.” He draws you even closer and you don’t miss the way you rest on him. You wrap your legs around his back, the way your body presses up against his has you shivering. “Cold?”

You nod your head. “Little bit.” You mumble. “You know you’ve changed my life a lot too.” He laughs. “You made me realize what a mistake I’ve made.” You laugh. “Those weren’t my intentions.” You mumble. “No, but it was needed. And honestly because of you, I think it was worth it. Cause you’re a sweet girl.” He laughs. You look down. “Thank you.”

“I don’t know why people don’t see what I see.” He mumbles. “What do you mean?”

“Just.. everyone is so mean to you. I just don’t get it because you’re so sweet.” He mumbles. You stare at him, eyes burning into his.

He’s right. Everyone is mean to you. Your own mom is worse than anyone else.

And that’s why you’re here with her husband and she’s off with some other guy. She doesn’t deserve Phillip. And the way he’s looking at you, maybe it’s time you were selfish.

You run your tongue over your bottom lip. You can feel him getting hard from where your center meets his. You lower your hand, sliding it between the both of you, gliding up the expanse of his erection and he gulps. “I- I’m sorry. I didn’t-“

You cut him off by pressing your lips to his, feeling him groan into your lips as you press your hand into him. His jeans are wet and they stick to him. Hugging him. “Shit-“ he hisses. His teeth are gritted as you rub your hand over him, palming him. “This isn’t a good idea.” He breathes. “No, it’s a horrible idea.” You breathe. He tugs you closer, your center pressing up against his hard cock. He can feel you melt into him. Shit, you’re into this.

You hold onto him tight, grinding your hips up into him. Whining out at the friction you feel against your nub. It’s minimal but it’s enough to drive you crazy.

He kisses you again.

He’s got a hand on the back of your neck, you can hear the water moving.

He’s moving you to shore.

It’s tough to walk out of the water, his legs feel like jello. He doesn’t even get you all the way to shore before he’s laying you down on the gravel shore. You don’t care how dirty you’ll be. Or how the rocks dig into you. His lips seem to be the only warm thing about him. His hands are cold as they pin your wrists above your head. He hovers over you, kissing you like he’s never kissed a woman before. He’s animalistic almost.

“Phillip-“ you pant. “Yeah?”

“I want you to fuck me.” You mewl, eyes nearly glowing as you look up at him. “But… you’re a-“

“I don’t care.” You breathe. “Are you sure?” He’s breathless too.

You nod your head and he’s so blinded by the lust that he feels for you, he doesn’t need your reassurance. It’s a struggle to get his cock through the zipper on his jeans. They’re sticking to him because they’re so wet. His cock is rock hard, blushing red even though neither of you can see it. You could feel him through his jeans earlier, he’s definitely going to hurt you. But you want him to.

You’re thankful you had shorts on, he pulls them to the side with ease. Spit isn’t lube but it’s all he’s got. And he’s not going to miss this opportunity. You’re here, and you’re ready for him. The moon is disappearing and the sun is starting to rise. It’s that late?

He sits up on his knees, spitting between the both of you. The glob of his saliva makes you jump, it’s warm on your opening. He uses the tip of his cock to slick up your entrance. Pressing the tip between your folds. You gasp, sitting up slightly. “S’alright darling.” He leans back slightly. “You wanna watch?” He breathes. He’s turned on, a different side of Phillip you hadn’t seen before, obviously. His heart thumps in his chest and his eyes are glossed over. Lips and cheeks blushing a shade of pink. Somehow you can still see it. The glare of the remaining moonlight off of the water seems to help. You can’t see well but can see his cock sliding into you.

You wince as he slides further into you, watching him disappear. You gasp as he bottoms out, his thighs press against yours and he’s resting his hands on them. “Shit. You’re doing so good. You’re taking me so well.” He breathes. He slides back, thrusting back in. You hiss, jumping slightly. “It’s okay. I know you’re hurting but you’re doing so good.” He pushes your thighs further apart. He starts slow, hips moving slow into you. Letting you get used to him stretching you out. He picks up the pace as you get used to him. Pretty soon, you’re panting as he fucks into you.

When you’re used to him, you wiggle your hips lower and raise your thighs up, holding them. You wrap your arms under the bends of your knees and give him complete access to your pussy. It’s sexy, and he moves closer, raising himself up and fucking into you at a much faster pace. He can feel your walls throbbing around him and you’re letting out small sounds. It worries him for a second but than you let out a gasp as he adjusts, and just like that’s he’s found it. That sweet spot.

He’ll have you falling apart in no time.

He grits his teeth, stopping to readjust and line himself back up with that spot inside of you. When he finds it again, he fucks you hard. Snapping your hips into yours, cock pressing right up against that spot.

It’s wet from your clothes and the squelch from him sliding into your wet hole is loud. You’re getting louder, moans uncontrollable as he ruins you. Abusing the sweet spot inside of you. You’re tight around him, dragging an orgasm out of him faster than ever before. This is by far the best sex Phillip has ever had. But as the sun rises, he knows there will be other people showing up for a day on the lake. “Phillip!” You gasp. Your thighs shake and your bottom lip quivers. “I know baby- I know it’s a lot. Just relax.” He breathes. He looks down at you, water dripping from his nose and the tips of his hair as he looks down at you. You shake as he keeps hitting that spot, right on. Over and over. You’re not going to last.

You cry out when you cum, and he doesn’t even stop you. Doesn’t quiet you or hush you. He lets you cry for him, nearly sobbing as your high washes over you. The cold water splashing over your feet is what brings you back down, tears spilling from your eyes. He overstimulates you as he keeps going. Harder than before as he uses you to cum. He’s nearly growling, his grip on you is tight and bruising and he can’t keep it together, eyes rolling back as he cums. Your eyes widen, he’s not wearing a condom and he doesn’t pull out. His warm cum fills you up, and he fucks you through his high before he halts his thrusts.

“Fuck- fuck.” He sighs. His chest rises and falls, heart pounding in his chest. His cock is sensitive and pulsing from his orgasm. “Sorry- I got too into it.” He breathes. “It’s okay.” You sigh.

“I got too carried away. You okay?” He asks. You nod your head. “I feel like such an asshole.” He laughs, he tucks himself away, adjusting your shorts for you. “I should’ve checked more. Did I hurt you?” He helps you up. “No- no I’m okay.” You laugh. Your legs are shaky as you stand there and he feels bad. This probably isn’t how you wanted to lose your virginity. “Hey. Meet me back at the house okay? Let me take care of you.” He breathes. You nod your head. Trying to hide your gasp when you feel his warmth spilling out between your thighs.

“I’ll run and get you something for that too..” he sighs. “I can do that before we meet back at the house, I have clothes inside my car.” You mumble. “You sure?” You nod your head. You make the awkward walk back to your cars. You get inside and he closes your door for you, moving toward his truck. You tell him when he leaves you’ll change your clothes really quickly in the back seat. He nods his head. “I’ll have the shower ready for you. You’re freezing.” He laughs. You smile.

He gets inside his truck and pulls out of the parking lot, and when his truck is gone, you hurry to change your clothes. When you have dry clothes on, you hesitate.

You think about not getting anything.

If you were such a slut, maybe you shouldn’t. Your mom thinks you’re so bad. Maybe you should get knocked up by her husband and see how she feels.

You shake your head. You shouldn’t.

You throw the car into drive, biting back a smirk as you feel his slick between your thighs still. You can’t help but stare at the shoreline where you’d lost your virginity as you pull out of the parking lot. Your head is buzzing, skin seeming hot where he’d touched you.

You’d have to decide on your way home. Should you stop at a store or not?

[harleychick91]

Fake Out (rated M)

Frustrated with the women they love, Sam and Kara devise a plan to make their counterparts jealous and see the light.

Kara’s POV

“Kara, we have to do something,” Sam rubbed her temple. “Is your sister blind? I’ve been flirting and dropping hints left, right, and center for months now and she’s not seeing them. I’m starting to think even if I stuck my tongue down her throat, she’d think I was just being polite.”

“You’re not alone,” I shrugged, opening my menu. “I think even if I walked out in my underwear, straddled Lena’s lap, and shoved my boobs in her face she’d think I was being nice.”

Snorting a laugh, Sam opened her own menu. “Sexual frustration has made you a bit crude,” she teased. “But, we do need to figure something out. I truly don’t see how Lena hasn’t picked up on your feelings. The two of you are inseparable during game night. If you sat any closer, you’d be on the woman’s lap.”

“Hey, you’re the one feeding Alex,” I smirked. “She never eats or drinks after someone. Not me, not Eliza, not even Maggie when they were dating.”

“Well, that makes me feel special,” Sam murmured. “These lunches have been nice. There’s no one else I can complain to about this. You completely understand since you’re in the same boat.”

“Yeah. They’re in love with us. It’s clear as day,” I sighed in frustration.

After placing our lunch orders, an evil gleam began to spark in Sam’s eyes. “Remember when you let me borrow a shirt before the last game night?”

“Yeah, you spilled sauce on it carrying the food and changed into one of my shirts before Lena and Alex arrived. Why?”

“I don’t think you noticed but I caught Lena staring daggers at me. She was trying to figure out why I was wearing your shirt when mine was fine an hour before.”

“Really?” I laughed. “Why wouldn’t she just ask?”

“Emotions override logic, my friend. We are only human.” Taking a sip of her drink, Sam laughed. “Or the one before that when you fed me quaso,” her brow furrowed. “What was I even doing to cause you to feed me?”

“I have no idea at this point,” I sipped my drink.

“Either way, neither of them liked it.”

Thinking over the game nights in question, I remembered the look on Alex’s face when I noticed Sam was cold and I wrapped her in my blanket. Maybe they are more conscious of it than I thought. Alex did have a weird look on her face afterwards. “How could we make them realize it?”

The food came and we began to eat. Mid bite, Sam chuckled darkly. “I have an idea but it may make you a little uncomfortable.”

“What is it?” I shifted nervously.

“They’re clearly not seeing that we feel the same way so what if they think we’re no longer available?” My brow furrowed. “What if we pretend to date and make them so jealous that they realize their feelings?”

Nodding along, I thought aloud, “It’s crazy enough to work. You know I only have eyes for Lena, right?”

“Oh, yeah,” Sam waved her hand. “I'm that way with Alex. Nothing serious would happen. Some shameless flirting, a kiss on the cheek here, maybe a butt smack there. I doubt it would come to it, but maybe a fake French kiss.”

“How do you fake that?”

“Put your hands on the person’s face to cover their mouth from view. Just make sure it seems like you’re playing tongue hockey.”

“You’ve done that before, haven’t you?” I laughed.

“Won me 20 bucks and a 12 pack of beer in college,” Sam smiled triumphantly. “It helps that they know we’ve been going to lunch every couple of weeks.”

Popping a fry into my mouth, I thought over the plan. “So, when would this fake dating start?”

“Tomorrow night?” Sam offered. “It’ll be the four of us at game night. Make up some excuse to switch up teams. Instead of you and Lena, we pair up. We get kind of flirty before and after we win a game and you kiss my cheek.”

“Since you already know my secret, I can listen to their reactions and fill you in later.”

“I do not miss that,” Sam groaned. “Everything was always at an 11 before you know who fully took over.”

“It took me a long time to get used to it,” I paused. “I am glad Lena was able to help. It was rough there for a bit after I told her the truth.”

“I think it’s made you two stronger though. Yes, Lena was upset but she never stopped loving you.”

“Thank Rao for that,” I laughed.

“So, game night tomorrow we start this?” I nodded. “I’ll show up before Lena and Alex. Potentially wear something low cut. I know how much you like Lena’s cleavage,” Sam smirked knowingly. “You’re not smooth. I love Lena but she’s oblivious. For the longest time I thought she wore low cut shirts on purpose. You get all flustered and it’s adorable.”

Heat crept up my neck. “You’re one to talk,” I smirked. “I see the way you check out Alex’s butt. Especially in jeans.”

“Those dark wash jeans…” Sam hummed, nearly drooling. “I just want to-,”

“Okay, okay,” I laughed. “She’s my sister.”

“Sorry,” Sam murmured over her drink.

Finish reading on AO3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/58113859

[callofdudes]

Happy National Women's Day (yesterday, woops) Celebrated with a platonic story for y/n, Laswell, and Farah.

Readers gender is not specified. This isn't beta read because my eyes really hurt today for some reason.

You had just gotten back from a mission followed by Farah's forces and accompanying assistance of one Alex Keller. After getting back the guys were pretty tuckered out. Price and Simon going for a smoke and Johnny going for a long snooze in his bed. Missions usually left you exhausted.

However, this was the week that Laswell got a much needed break from her work and she wanted to spend it well.

She was sat on the couch, watching you and Simon quietly talk. Farah was cleaning her goggles, frowning over a small scratch in the top corner of the lense.

She could see the stress on Farah's face, and just from your posture she knew you needed a break as well. So when Simon got up to use the bathroom she leaned forward.

"What do you two say we get out of here for a couple days?"

You looked up curiously. "What do you mean?? Get a hotel or something?"

She shook her head. "Camping. My brother has a cabin up in the mountains where his buddies and him go climbing. We could go spend some time out there."

"Would it be quiet?" Farah asks.

"Most likely, it's not a big place. The spot we usually go isn't touristy either."

Farah looks to you. "I've never been camping outside of missions."

"If we can get a place with room for three and not get eaten alive by mosquitoes and the like, then yeah."

Laswell nods. "It's a cabin, so I don't think you'll have to worry too much about mosquitoes. But it'll just be the three of us." Laswell stands, stretching and grabbing her coffee. "We'll head out tomorrow after you're packed."

So the next morning you and Farah brought out your backpacks to Laswell's car. She only had a small vehicle but it was enough to fit all your supplies. Laswell brought her climbing gear, and enough food to last you a week at the cabin.

Once you were all ready to go there was one person you had to say goodbye to.

"Simon it's ok, I'm not going to be gone that long, only a week."

"A week... What am I supposed to do until then??"

"Hangout with the guys, take some time off to relax your feet. Read your book. You'll be ok."

Simon grumbled and looked over at Alex who was staying with them. To Simon's dismay.

You smiled softly, and fixed his sweater hoodie. "Only a week." You wrap your arms around him and he hugged you back, squeezing you for good measure.

Soon enough you packed in and set off on your journey. Farah plugged her phone in and played music from the passenger seat. "Any song requests??"

"Remember that one song you played the other day? With the guitar solo?"

Farah smiled and put the song on, and you jammed away in the backseat. Laswell put her son blocker down and set you off to the nearest coffee shop. Because what's a road trip without coffee?

She took the tray from the man at the drive through window and handed Farah her iced coffee and you your drink. “There you go.”

“Thank you mom.” You smiled and leaned back.

“Of course. Now, it’ll be a bit of a drive.” But you guys were ready for that.

You drove for the rest of the day. As you got closer to the mountains, Farah and you both pointed out a fair bit of wildlife you saw along the roadside.

Farah’s entire day was made by seeing baby ducklings going for a dunk in a small pond with their mom.

Laswell pointed out a few deer on the way, and soon you reached the place. Driving up the road and parking in front of a rather nice little cabin. It was old, with a couple swinging shutters and the frame would need some repainting.

“This is nice.” Farah looked around the grassy area behind the cabin that led up into a large hill. A small fire pit set up around some trees and a stone pathway up to the stairs.

“How did you get this place again??”

“My brother rents it most of the summer for his rock climbing. They come every few weeks.”

“Cool.”

Laswell nods, opening the car door and putting her park pass in the window. She tossed you the keys. “I'll go tell administration we’re here so they don't freak out. You two and get the first pickings.”

You and Farah smiled at each other softly. “Thanks laswell!” You called and grabbed out your stuff. You unlocked the house and you two headed inside. In the small entry way was a couple buckets full of wood and a shelf of paper and some lighters.

A tiny kitchen area and a gas stove. It was a cozy little place. Heading into the next part of the cabin there was a small bench, a cabinet with some games and a bed tucked against the opposite wall.

The back bedroom was separated by a curtain, inside being another two beds.

You and Farah looked at each other. “you can have either, I don't mind.” She said softly.

You were quiet for a moment. “You want the one by the window??”

“I'd like that.” She admitted.

You nodded and tossed your stuff on the bed in the corner, and let Farah have the bed next to the big window looking out at the field.

Laswell came back with a bag of some firewood and her climbing equipment. Taking dibs on the bed in the other room and getting comfy.

After which she promptly started on some dinner because she was starving. Until then you two opened her tray of fruit from the cooler and snacked away.

“So where do you usually go rock climbing, Laswell?” Farah asks.

“We usually go up one of the old trails. There's an open section of land that shows off this huge rock face. It's the perfect climb. I think it'll be easy enough for you two.”

“We’re capable Laswell.” You chuckle. You could smell the food waft through the cabin. She plated up, and came over to set down two plates for you two. You moved over on the bench allowing Laswell to sit down, and you all dug in.

Talking and laughing as the sun starts to go down on the field, the food being quickly devoured. Laswell brought out brownies as dessert.

You gasped softly. “Are those….”

Laswell smiled and ruffled your hair. “She said they're all yours.”

You eagerly popped the lid off and snatched one to dig into. “Oh Farah, you gotta try one. Her wife makes them the best.”

Farah smiled softly and reached in and took one out. “What's in it, Laswell??”

“Hm? I have the recipe list here if you want to look at it.” She took it from her bag and passed it over. Farah read through it before biting in, humming happily. “Oh, oh these are good.” She took another bite.

“Can I just…” She slid the recipe back toward herself and Laswell nodded. “All yours”

Farah tucked it into her pocket and you two devoured the brownies. Laswell’s wife was the best, always asking what sweets you guys would like best and sending Laswell out to work with a box or two for you guys.

Eventually you all headed to bed. You crawled into bed and rolled over, falling asleep.

Farah pulled the blanket over her shoulder, and opened the window to look out at the darkness. The cool breeze on her face.

She sighed softly, and closed it. Flopping down and rolling over again. She looked into the darkness, trying to arrange the blanket to try and get comfy.

When she couldn't, she leaned over and grabbed the flashlight off the nightstand, flicking it on low. She went over to you, standing at the edge of the bed for a bit before poking you.

“Y/n?” She whispered. You mumbled softly and opened your eyes. “Farah?”

“I'm sorry… I can't sleep.” She whispered.

You smiled softly, and rolled onto your back. You pulled the blanket back to allow her in. “Come on.”

She pursed her lips and flicked the light off. But she crawled into the bed. You gave her some more blanket and closed your eyes again. Farah laid next to you, sighing and slowly closing her eyes.

She held out her hand and you linked your pinky with hers. Helping her relax and fall asleep.

The next morning Laswell was up first. She got dressed and needed a coffee. She pushed the curtain to the second room open and smiled softly when she saw you and Farah curled up, pinkies still linked.

You two could sleep in.

She tied up her hair and went to the kitchen to put hot water on the stove and look through the food bag for what to make for breakfast.

The sound of the kettle woke you up, slowly rubbing your eyes and sitting up. Farah felt you stir and also opened her eyes. “Hmm…??”

“It's ok, you can keep resting if you want.” You assure, and crawled out around her. You scratched your stomach and headed out to the main room.

“Well good morning.” Laswell greeted you.

“Mornin…”

“Coffee??”

“Please.” You nodded.

You sat down at the bench, and heard the curtain shift. “I'm gonna change.” Farah gave you the heads up.

Laswell handed you your fresh coffee. “What do you feel for breakfast??”

“Eggs??” You gave her the innocent best child ever look. “Please mom??”

“Tell you what, find the carton in the cooler and I'll see what I can do.”

Farah filled up her water bottle as Laswell made breakfast, checking her phone. She snickered a little from across the table.

Without further incentive you rushed to the cooler and dug around for the eggs, bringing them to her.

She chuckled and saw Farah come out from the back room soon.

“What are you chuckling about?” You teased softly.

Farah turned her phone and showed you a photo of Alex around a corner with a blurry Ghost in the background.

“You think he's dead yet??”

“Knowing Simon and Johnny… maybe.” You snickered.

“Those three are going to kill each other.” She fully smiled briefly before looking down at the accompanying texts.

“Well, he's still alive but accidentally took some of Ghost’s gummy worms it seems.”

You cringed a little. “Ooh… ouch. I'll have to talk with Simon to make sure he didn't hurt Alex too badly.”

You both have a chuckle over it and Laswell brings you your eggs.

And without hesitation you dig in, humming happily to have your stomach full of food and happy.

“How long is the hike to the rock face??”

“Not long. Fifteen minutes at most. And I've got all the gear for you.”

“Awesome.”

“Now that you've got some fiber in you, let's get going.” Laswell fills her water bottle and grabs the bag of equipment.

“I can carry it for you??” You offered, but she shook her head. “I got it.”

You headed out down the road and hiked up the trail into the mountains. Seeing the tall trees and smelling the fresh air. Feeling the gentle breeze on your warm skin.

Laswell led you up and off the main path to a small outcrop. And there it was. A tall rock face up the side of the mountain with clearly outlined passages and handholds from how much it had been traversed.

Laswell secured her hair and handed you your gear. You and Farah got snug and comfy. Laswell set up the ropes and pegs in the ground to hold you three.

Chalking up your hands.

“You ready, princesses??”

“Hey!” You huffed, rushing after Laswell. Farah chuckled under her breath and found a small ledge to slide her hand into. And you three started to climb.

Farah scaled it fairly easily, though it definitely felt easier when under the pressure of a mission.

You found another handhold and pushed your foot up, feeling around until you could find a spot to slot your shoe in. Securing the tie on your belt.

“You doing ok Farah??”

“A little sweaty.” She wrung her wrist out.

“Let's pause for a minute.” You secured your line and tugged it a couple times before taking your hands off the rocks, keeping your feet in place to keep you from spinning.

Farah did the same, wringing out her wrists and wiping her sweaty palms on her hips.

“Need some more powder??”

“Yeah, thanks.”

You grabbed it off your belt and handed it to her, letting her resupply, and you did the same.

“I bet Laswell is already at the top.” You chuckled.

Farah looked around, trying to spot her. “Oh she probably is.”

“Let's catch up then, hey?”

Farah nodded, and you continued to climb until you reached the top.

And as you suspected, Laswell was already at the top. “You're fast.” You pushed yourself up, shaking out her legs, looking back down at where you came from.

“Oh.” You wobbled a little, stepping back. “It's best not to look down for a minute.” Laswell tipped and looked out at the edge of the cliff. The sun showed out from behind the clouds. It casted down over the lake and reflecting off of the water.

Farah took out her phone and got a picture of the view. Motioning you and Laswell to get close.

You wrapped your arm around her, keeping your hand just off her waist as she attempted a simple smile. Catching the moment with you three.

“Now I'm gonna tell Alex about the fun we’re having.” She chuckled, and put her phone away.

“Maybe I could bring Simon here.” You wondered aloud. You threw sat around the cliff on a small blanket, drinking from your water bottles.

“Hey, I just remembered.”

Farah and Laswell looked at you curiously.

“Happy National Women's Day.”

The two smiled. “That is today, isn't it?” Farah said, and Laswell nodded.

“It is. I almost forgot.”

“I mean, we got the Barbie movie.”

Farah smiled. “I got to see it with some of the girls from my group. Their families said I could come with them.” She fidgeted with her water bottle. “We want to go with Miss Farah.” She remembered them saying.

Laswell looked out at the cliff. “I remember dragging John out with my wife and I.”

You snickered. “Uh oh, how did that go??”

“Oh I think he fell asleep.” She snickered. “It's not his typical movie. But hey, he gave a kicker of a review afterward in the car home.”

You looked down at your hands, looking at all the roughness to your hands. Your battered knuckles and the dirt under your fingernails.

“Do you guys ever feel pressured to look or act a certain way??”

A moment of soft silence went by, letting the breeze drift between you three. “Yes. I think it comes with the territory… but even though I have respect, I still feel mentally challenged a lot to prove myself.” Laswell said.

“Like some of the men in my charge can't understand how I could be as smart as them or understand how to handle pressuring situations.”

"But... Recently a lot of the pressures and beauty standards have been pushed by other women. Which, is sad, considering a lot of them think we need all this stuff done to look pretty or be wanted. But it just isn't true."

You nodded. “Yeah…”

Farah sighed softly. “It feels pressuring every day, to have to dress and act a certain way. Follow a certain code or I won't be respected. I had a man tell me I wouldn't ever have a voice if I didn't have a husband to speak for me.”

You frowned, but nodded. Farah fidgeted a little. “But you know what? I did find my voice. And a voice for many other men and women who couldn't speak before.”

She smiles. “And for every bad person I meet, I've met ten more amazing men I know I have in my corner.”

Laswell nods. “I second that.”

You smile more, happily raising your water bottle. “To the women, and all those who support them.”

You clinked your water bottles and took a large sip. “I'm glad I get to spend the week with you guys. I know it's gonna be awesome.”

“We’re going swimming next.” Farah says quickly.

Laswell and you laugh. “Swimming is next on the list then.”

[sophswritingthings]

Omg imagine Mizus reaction to English!readers wedding dress like their cultures are so different and so beautiful in different ways aaa!!💕💕

pairing: mizu x fem!english!reader

warning(s): swearing

a/n: you having a beautiful ballgown wedding dress made for you with the patterns of flowers and cranes on it without mizu’s knowledge to combine your culture…. UGHHH

summary: it’s the day she’d been waiting; the day you were set to be her wife. she sees you in that stunning dress of yours; and she swears she feels her heart stop.

word count: 821 words / 4,420 characters

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“you promise me it’ll be done by the wedding?” you say the words, as if they were almost a plea. you were wearing glasses, much like mizu’s, and a hood over your head to conceal your face.

“it will be does, miss,” she glanced at you. “and you know you don’t have the wear those things around me; I won’t tell.”

she winked, smiling as she was fiddling with the sparkly tool.

“I am the one making you an english dress, aren’t I?” she cocked her head.

“I suppose you are,” you murmur, smiling a bit. “and I thank you for that. I just wanted something from home; since my parents won’t be here to see me married.”

“I understand that,” she smiled.

“thank you.” you sigh, “you really are great, you know?”

“I know,” she chuckled again. “am I ever going to get to meet the groom?”

“mmm.. well, he’s coming to find me after being out for a while—picking me up before we go home, I suppose,” you shrug. “if he decides not to be stubborn you may.”

“if who decides not to be stubborn?”

you whip your head up, seeing your fiancé standing there.

“you couldn’t possibly be talking about me,” mizu raised an eyebrow.

you giggle, walking over to mizu and standing on your tiptoes to kiss her cheek.

“couldn’t possibly be,” you whisper into her ear, feeling her twitch a little.

“as I thought.” she murmured.

“It’s nice to meet you, sir,” aiko smiled, bowing her head toward mizu.

“mm. you as well, miss,” she said in a low tone, trying to keep up her masculine appearance. “we best be going, then, yeah?”

you wrap your arm around hers, nodding to aiko, “yes, we best be. I’ll see you tomorrow then? to pick up the dress.”

mizu looks at you with a raised eyebrow. she hadn’t heard anything about a “dress”. she supposed you’d be wearing a white kimono, to.. blend in.

put the look on your face, combined with your words, told her you had other plans.

the couple slid out of the shop, smiling softly as the gentle snow fell onto the cobblestoned path. 

“so..” she whispers, “what’s this about a dress?”

you giggle, “I wanted something from home,” you murmur, your eyes fluttering as you attempted to clear them of the snow. “so.. I asked aiko to make me a traditional english dress. with a bit of a twist.”

she chuckled, “I see,” she mumbled. “you’ll look beautiful either way.”

you lean your head on her shoulder, “thank you.”

slowly rising out of bed, you snicker as you see mizu has already gone from bed. excited, was she?

well, it was the day of your wedding.

and though it may not be “legalized”, you didn’t care. just to call mizu your wife would be all you needed to keep yourself happy for the rest of your days.

ringo would conduct the ceremony—and you would only have a few people there. akemi, ringo, eiji, and a few of your friends you’d met along the way.

you didn’t need some big ceremony to be married. you just.. needed your love, and each other.

you had collected your dress, the weeks prior. you hadn’t let mizu see it, though, you wanted to surprise her. 

it was a beautifully constructed english dress, with the patterns of japanese cranes and flowers flowing down the rim of the skirt. it combined your cultures in all the good ways you could think of.

“I have never been so excited in my entire life,” you giggle, your accent seeping through your words as akemi does your hair. “I really haven’t.”

“well, good. you should be happy to be married,” akemi smiled softly, “especially to someone who really does love you.”

you blush a little, “I’m lucky.”

“you are,” she confirms. you knew what she’d been through, the ups and downs of her marriage status was a rollercoaster you never wished to ride.

“I know.” you whisper, “I love her.”

“hm, good,” she brushes a few strands of hair out of your face, tucking them behind your ears. “now, let’s get this makeup done so you can go and finally get your wife all to yourself.”

you stood at the alter, smiling as you waited for mizu to appear. 

and when she did, she looked absolutely stunned.

her eyes never left you. your beautiful complexion, the makeup that akemi had done suited you do well. and the way your hair was curled and pulled back..

and that dress.

a dress that was a beautiful blend of yours, and her, culture. the depictions of cranes and flowers scattered across the bottom of the dress, and the large silhouette she’d seen so many women wear—including you—back in england.

yet it seemed so different, the way the fabric shone against the sun.

she was so ready to call you her one and only.

her wife.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[featherandferns]

daylight - nine

jj maybank x fem!reader | part 9 of the daylight series | read part 8 here

content warnings: mentions of sex; mentions of alcohol

word count: 3.9k.

blurb: restless after the argument with JJ, you resort to looking through the journal you kept when you were dating Tyler. Maybe it's time to try and let the past go.

You can’t sleep.

Every time you close your eyes, you hear the argument between you and JJ echo in your mind. The horrible things you said to one another. The perfect avoidance of the truth, as if the two of you were reciting steps in a dance. The thought that everything between you might be ruined keeps you from finding rest.

Mimsy still hasn’t returned any of your calls. Never before have you felt the distance between the two of you to be so gaping. Vancouver feels like asylum that you can’t seek: it feels as unattainable as visiting heaven. You just want to be home, in your old bedroom, in your old bed, surrounded by your old friends. You want to go back to a time before JJ and before Kildare and, more importantly, before Tyler.

Tired of staring at the ceiling, you shove your sheets off and climb out of bed. Stretching, your eyes gravitate to your pin-board. JJ seems to shine brighter than everyone else, it's as if he's backlit. You're momentarily distracted by his radiant smile. By those eyes that could bring you to your knees; the very eyes that captured you before he’d even spoken a word your way. And now, when you see his face, all you can think of is that last conversation. You look away and, like a moth drawn to a flame, or a pirate guided by a siren’s call, your eyes latch on to the shoebox under your bed. 

Something inside of you has you sinking to your knees before it. You guide it out, holding the cardboard like it’s the fragile casing of a bomb. Sitting cross legged on your bedroom floor, you take the lid of the box and lift out the journal. A finger dusts over its worn cover and a solemn smile tries but fails to make its way onto your face. Your fingers crack the pages open. And then, you start to read. 

June 3

Me and Mimsy went to a kegger today. It was pretty boring and not many people were there. We mostly hung out with Kelly and Evan. I played some beer pong - I swear I’m getting better. I ended up talking to this guy called Tyler. He goes to the boys only school in the neighbourhood. He likes country music, which is icky as hell, and he’s a little lanky. I don’t think he likes me very much. We talked for a bit but he didn’t say much, and I felt like I was chewing his ear off, so I went back to Mimsy and decided to quit bothering him. He’s cute though, so it’s a shame. There’s this tenderness in his eyes. I don’t know, I guess I felt sorry when I looked in them. I feel like if he gets coaxed out and given the right space, he might be able to really open up. But if you don’t like someone, I guess you won’t jump at the chance, right? I probably won’t see him again anyway. We don’t really run in the same circles. 

June 17

Mimsy has the flu and I’m scared I’m going to catch it too. I have a photography gig in two days at the hockey club in town and I don’t want to miss it. I think it’ll be really good for the gram and maybe get me some more work opportunities. My post the other week got three thousand likes. How crazy is that? I think I need to get better at editing. That’s usually what sets people’s photography apart. 

June 19

So, the photography thing was today and it was a success! The team were really nice and the coach said he has this sister who’s throwing an anniversary get-together thing in a week or so. He asked if he could pass on my information. I finally feel like this might be something I can actually do, for money and for the long term. Mimsy’s feeling a bit better. I don’t think I’ve caught her bug so that’s a win. Tomorrow I’ll take her some soup and stuff. Oh! And that Tyler guy was at the hockey club too. Apparently he coaches the girls-only team. He was more chatty this time. The guys in the locker rooms had beers and they offered me one, so maybe he gets more talkative when he has a drink? Anyway, we talked for a while. He’s kind of dorky but it’s sweet. He’s a Marvel boy. How funny is that? I don’t think I’ve seen more than five Marvel films and this guy lives and breathes them. I ended up telling him how I thought he hated me when we first met and apparently he thought that I hated him! How funny is that!? He said he gets nervous talking to girls he likes, and when I walked away, he thought he’d messed up. It was really endearing. Long story short, I gave him my number. I think we’re going to hang out in a few days or something. 

June 26

Okay, don’t freak out but I think I’m actually really into Tyler? He’s really easy to talk to. I feel like I can say the most private stuff and he actually listens. We keep meeting up at Billy’s Bagels and talking for ages. He told me about this car crash he got into and I told him about the time me and Mimsy tried to go hitch-hiking and she was convinced we got in a serial killer’s car. He also leaves me these little notes on the receipts. Cute little things. But it’s so confusing, because he won’t make a move. Like, we’ll be sitting side by side and he won’t put a hand on my leg or pull me close. And he never tries to hold my hand. Hasn’t kissed me. Barely hugged me. It makes me wonder if I’m reading everything wrong. I’m just so tired of being the person who always makes the first move and I want him to just do something! I want to know if he feels the same way as me. 

June 28

I’m about to lose my fucking mind. I swear to God, I’m this close to being done with this whole thing. One minute, Tyler’s talking to me like crazy and making me laugh, and laughing at my jokes, and the next, he’s acting like he’s never seen me before in his life. I took Mimsy’s advice, the other night, and when we were walking back, I really dragged it out. And I stood there for ages, outside my house, waiting for him to make a move. We’d spent the whole day together. Got food, went surfing. Then he hugs me. He fucking hugs me. I was livid. I was absolutely furious. I just started walking to my house. And then, I have no idea why, I turned around and chased him down and grabbed him and kissed him. Okay, I basically ran away straight after, but I kissed him. So, great, right? Now we’re on the same page, surely? I mean, he kissed me back. Well, me and Mimsy go out the next day (now that she no longer feels like a corpse) and we walk past Tyler and his friend. I smile at him and wave and he walks straight past us. Mimsy - who said I was overthinking everything - was furious. I think she wanted to run across the road and rip his balls of his body in that moment, to be honest. All I could think about was how awful it felt. It was like last night never even happened. Did I assault him? I mean, did I read this whole thing wrong? He said he liked me, that’s why he was scared to talk to me, but then he fucking ignores me after I full-on kiss him!? I'm just so confused and losing my patience. I'm starting to wonder if it's worth all of this.

June 30

Mimsy tried to cheer me up by taking me to a kegger. Shock horror: Tyler was there. He came up to me about an hour in and asked if I wanted to go for a walk, so I said yes. We ended up at that lake near Molly’s house, and we were looking at the stars. I don’t really remember how or why we got there. Then, out of the blue, he apologised. I don’t think I’ve ever had a guy apologise to me before. He said he was an idiot for not kissing me the other day, and that he was just nervous and really wanted to. Then he kissed me, properly, and it was perfect. I’ve never felt that way before. I think he’s redeemed himself. I’m a little scared to tell Mimsy though…

July 19

Sorry I haven’t written in a while. I got busy. I’ve been spending a lot of time with Tyler, honestly. We’ve been getting to know each other better. He introduced me to his friends and his mom, who apparently really liked me. I’ve been subjected to so much fucking country music. He doesn’t really compliment me though and it’s a little bit upsetting, I can't lie. I like hearing that kind of thing. Like we went for dinner the other night and I made a bit of an effort and he didn’t call me pretty once. Maybe I’m overthinking it. He’s more of a physical affection guy, to be honest. But still. It would be nice to hear it every now and then. He can handle his drink really well though. In fact, he drank Mimsy under the table the other day which was quite funny. He gets all touchy feely when he’s drunk, it’s so cute. He told me that he’s never opened up to someone like he has with me before. Told me things that he’s never told anyone else. He told me about his ex-girlfriend and how she was crazy. I feel so bad for him, that he was in that kind of situation. He laughs at all my stupid jokes. He even told me that nobody else has made him laugh so much before. I don’t know, I get all mushy when he says things like that. I feel like I’m bringing him out of his shell. He said his anxiety is a lot better since he met me, so I guess whatever I’m doing, it’s helping. 

July 24

I slept with Tyler hehe. It was so perfect. He was so caring and kept asking if I was okay and stuff, and I brought up the whole compliment thing and he apologised. He’s so good at taking accountability for when he’s done wrong - it’s so refreshing. He told me I have the prettiest eyes he’s ever seen. I don’t know why that hit me so much. I just think you can tell so much about a person from their eyes. They never age. I'm scared a s fuck though because I really think I might be falling in love with him. Oh no.

August 8

I don’t really have tons to say. Mom and dad got in a big argument yesterday, so there’s that. Mimsy thinks they should just get divorced. It feels weird, thinking about your parents getting divorced. The whole two Christmases and two birthday thing. I don't know, maybe she’s right. They basically hate each other. Dad keeps bringing up North Carolina and how great everything is there. How his life was so much better. Charming, really, when I’ve spent my whole life in Vancouver with him. Really makes you feel special. Tyler’s been kind of busy lately. I keep wanting to go on dates but he just wants to stay in. He told me he doesn’t like PDA. It makes him feel weird. I want to hold his hand but I feel bad. I mean, I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. Besides, I get to touch him all I want when we’re at home together, so who really cares? 

October 14

Tyler hasn’t called me pretty in over a month. I told him and he apologised. He still hasn’t called me pretty. I miss how it was in the summer. It feels like he’s retreating into himself. I don’t know what’s happening. Why everything is changing? What did I do wrong? I didn't change, did I? 

November 19

I think I was overthinking it all lately. Tyler just invited me to join him and his family at Christmas on Victoria Island. He left me a little note, too, after he stayed at my house. It was really cute. It said, ‘I miss stargazing with you in the summer’. Mimsy says that maybe I need to clarify a few things with him. Set some more boundaries. He always talks about those girls on the hockey team he coaches, and whenever girls come up to him when he’s out with his friends. I like that he trusts me and wants to tell me these things, but also, if I trust him, why does he feel the need to tell me? It feels like he’s dangling it in my face almost. I don’t know, I’m probably thinking about it all wrong. I don’t know if I’ve got a stomach bug. My IBS has been crazy bad lately. It’s so annoying. 

December 6

I don’t think I’m happy with Tyler anymore. It’s like he’s a completely different person. I hardly even recognise him. We don’t really talk anymore like we used to. He says he’s really busy with school and coaching. I'm throwing myself into photography jobs to try and keep myself busy or else I just spiral. I don't want to tell Mimsy because I know what her advice will be. And I'm just not ready to face that yet.  

December 26

I leave for Victoria Island today. I’m meeting Tyler at the ferry station. He asked where I wanted to meet and I left it up to him at first. I mean, the obvious answer is the ferry station. That’s romantic. He can come pick me up. But he said, ‘whatever you prefer’ so I felt like I was putting him out by asking him to meet me at the ferry station. I don’t know. I just don’t even know if he wants me to go anymore. He hasn’t said. He hasn’t even said if he’s excited to see me. It’s an awful feeling, when you feel like someone doesn’t care if you’re there or not. Maybe it’ll be different when I see him in person. It’s been over a week since I last saw him and we haven’t been able to talk on the phone. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just kidding myself. I just think if I’m painfully honest with myself, I don’t want to go to Victoria anymore. 

December 27

I think it's over. 

December 29

I don’t even know what happened. I don’t know how to explain it but I feel like I need to get it all out on paper and just walk away from it forever. I think that’s the only way I can even start to make sense of the last six months. It was awful. I fucking hate him and I’m so fucking confused. Jesus, I have been for the past four months. 

Tyler didn’t hug me or kiss me when I got off the ferry, but I guess because he doesn’t like PDA that’s a given. He didn’t introduce me to any of his extended family and left me to fend for myself in conversations. When we first got to the cabin, he sat on the bed and scrolled on his phone with his back facing me for an hour. A fucking hour. Then he went on Duolingo and checked the fucking hockey scores. And I just sat there for an hour after paying for a ferry ticket. Oh, yeah, cause he didn’t pay for any of my travel. When I said I was hungry and was going to get food, he came with me and got himself something. Again, didn’t pay for me. We got his favourite take out. It’s always things he wants to do. I told him I needed a nap and went to my room, and I called Mimsy who was equally as angry. I mean, why the fuck did he call me out there? I’ve never felt so disrespected, so unwanted, in my life. It’s fucking awful. Tyler texted me to meet him and I told him I wanted to stay in. He asked if I was okay and I told him I was angry, and he came to my room. And he was so fucking calm and collected it made me feel like I was overthinking it. Like I was the one blowing everything out of proportion. I told him about how I felt like I wasn’t wanted and he told me that I was. He just said it was weird seeing me in person again. It had been a fucking week. We went out with his family and I put on a brave face, and the whole time he barely spoke to me. Didn’t look at me, didn’t hold my hand, didn’t take a picture of me or of us. I hated it. When I got back to my room, he came over and laid down on the bed. And I told him I was so confused. He just nodded. And he was back to old Tyler. Chatty, familiar Tyler who makes jokes with me and compliments me. He told me how beautiful I was and how pretty my eyes are and all I could think was how he hadn’t said any of that for two whole months. How for two months I felt like I had no idea what was happening. And it made me weak. I hate myself for it but I let him kiss me. We made out and cuddled and it felt like old times, and I finally felt normal again. And then we fell asleep, woke up, and he was back to how he was the day before. Distant and cold and confusing. I think that was when I decided that maybe it was time to leave. 

When we slept together that night, it felt like he almost knew what was going to happen. All of it felt like a goodbye. I tried to enjoy it and feel close to him but I just felt so far away. Afterwards, he didn’t hold me. He didn’t cuddle me when we slept and the next morning, he barely looked at me. He just went on his phone when all I wanted was to be held. That’s all I’ve ever wanted from him, to feel held by him, and he’s never made me feel like I was. I mean, I feel more love from Mimsy than him. How fucked is that.

He walked me to the ferry station and I was wondering what to do. What to say. Whether to confront him and see if I could start a fight. Jesus, anything would do. And for whatever fucking reason, I went for the hail Mary, I guess you could say. I stood there, like the fucking idiot I am, and I told him I loved him. And you know what he said? Nothing.

He said absolutely nothing. 

Then he just nodded - like the useless asshole he is - and told me, get ready for this one, that his ‘family thought I was really nice’. 

I don’t even remember what I did then. All I can remember is sitting on the ferry and texting Mimsy, asking her to pick me up from the ferry station. 

I just don’t understand. I don’t understand why this happened, or how, or who he was. He apologised the next day. What for, I don’t even know anymore. Maybe all of it? But all I can remember thinking, when I read that text, was how I just knew he didn’t mean it. It was fucking Pavlovian by that point: he would know I was upset and apologise, and I’d forgive him and believe that he might change, and we’d carry on. What's the Taylor Swift lyric? You're an expert at sorry? That's him in a nutshell.

You want to know the real kicker? When I told him that I wanted to break up, he told me he didn’t know we were even together like that. So, I ask you again: who the fuck was he? I don’t think I’m ever gonna know. 

January 1

Happy new year. I think Tyler’s blocked me. 

February 9

Mimsy just heard from Darren P that Tyler has a new girlfriend. I think I’m going to throw up. I can’t do this anymore. I just want to forget about all of it but I keep thinking of all the little things that I ignored. All the signs from the start. How it took him to be drunk to even acknowledge that I existed. How it was always on his terms. What he wanted to do. What he needed from me. I wish I never slept with him. I wish he never touched my body. It makes me feel sick that I let him sleep with me that last night. I just feel so fucking used and dirty. Mimsy says it wasn’t my fault but I can’t shake this guilt for not leaving sooner, because the signs were always there. I mean, I thought he hated me. Why the fuck didn’t I walk away sooner?

I thought he hated me. 

That’s the final entry. 

You sit and stare at the barely filled page and then snap the book closed as if you just read how the world is going to end.

The condensing of the turbulent six months you spent with Tyler in a handful of diary entries fails to capture the mass of anxiety, paranoia and pain. The restless nights that you remedied by sprinting at the gym. The meals you skipped because you felt sick to your stomach. The parties ruined when you ended them in alcohol-provoked tears, sobbing to Mimsy about how things felt ‘off’ with you and Tyler. The humiliation you felt throughout the holidays and the disgust that lingered after your final night together. The shame that haunted you for letting yourself do all of that, feel all of that, lose all of that, to some fucking deadbeat guy. 

Because that was what it all came down to. It came down to the fact that you let yourself sit there and take it. That because you felt pity for him, and saw potential, you stayed and fought and tried. God, you tried so hard to mould him into the man you thought he could be without looking at his credentials. And now, on the other side of the continent, several months past the whole affair, you finally realise what it was. 

You fell in love with the idea of Tyler, not Tyler himself. 

It's like the revelation hits you in the head like a hammer. Resets your thoughts. Grabbing the box of things, you head down the stairs. It feels as though you’re not in control of your body. Unlocking the back door, you head into the yard. Ditch the box so you can set up the bonfire, igniting it with the lighter JJ gave you. 

You’re breathing heavily as you stare at the flames. It’s like you’ve been boxing in a ring. You guess, in a way, you have. But you’re tired of battling with the past. Fighting against the memories only to get knocked down, again and again. Wounding you so badly that you can’t face the fact that maybe someone might actually care about you, just as much as you care about them. That maybe you can trust someone. 

When you burn the first photo, you feel a little insane. You never much believed in any of the mindfulness crap Instagram wellness influencers preached. The writing-regrets-on-a-plate-and-smashing-it-up type things. But as you stand, burning the memories of Tyler - anything that reminds you of him, anything that he gave you, anything that he took - you feel like you’re coming back to yourself, piece by piece. Watching the embers lick up his face, crackling until its nothing but ashes and indistinguishable remnants feels like healing, plain and simple.  

The only thing that’s left now is the diary. You hold it in your hands like it’s a first-edition copy of the first book ever written. It feels like the manuscript, encapsulating the entire torrid affair of you and Tyler. The final artefact of your silently toxic relationship, keeping you tethered to your past trauma. Swallowing, you toss it into the metal canister. When you open them again, you see the flames already laying claim to the pages. 

And finally, for the first time, the story feels as though it isn’t yours anymore.

For the first time in months, you feel free.

read part ten here!

taglist:

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[srjlvr]

,, summer camp ’’

PAIRING . . . non-idol!Jungwon X fem!Reader !

GENRE . . . fluff , childhood friends to lovers trope , angst !

WC . . . 3.0k+ (so terribly sorry i didn’t think it’d be that long) !

SYNOPSIS . . . summer camps became your favorite thing in the world, all because of the kid with the boba eyes.

WARNINGS . . . mentions of bullying (nothing violent) , annoying teenagers ! (PLS inform me if i missed something!!)

“you could’ve let me stay at grandma’s!” you disappointedly looked at your parents. “she’s busy just as we are, plus honey its just for three weeks, it’ll pass you quickly!”

you stared at your parents packing your stuff into a (ten times bigger than you) suitcase.

you’re twelve, and it’s the first time you’d be going to a summer camp, they clearly don’t trust you with the suit packing so they decided to do it themselves.

“we packed you everything from A to Z, you’re all ready for tomorrow!” your mother looked at you and you could see the excitement on her face.

“you’re going to have real fun!” your father added, “most of your friends are going to be there!”

“they’re not really my friends” you said quietly, your parents are too old to hear what you said anyway.

your parents than pat your head and smiled, “you should go sleep now, you have to wake up early for the big day tomorrow!”

next thing you knew you were already on the bus, full of little kids around the same age as you, and a few elderly people who were your counselors.

your seat was near the window so through the whole ride you just looked out for the view, not even bothering to notice who sits next to you.

“we’ve finally arrived! everyone go to your counselors and they’ll guide you to your cabins! we’ll gather up together around 7pm, in the meantime, get comfortable and don’t be afraid to talk with your counselor if something is bothering you!”

you sighed heavily and walked after your counselor who introduced you to a small cabin, with four beds and a place to put all your belongings.

“y/n, you’ll be here together with your three friends” your counselor smiled warmly at you and you nodded.

“hey! you’re y/n right?” one of the roommates asked you and you nodded. “don’t you know how to talk?” they all giggled and you looked away.

“don’t think you can join our group just because you’re in this room, it’s annoying enough to have you here” another one said and they all laughed.

“just go catch your bed and don’t do anything stupid” the other one pointed at one specific bed as if she had already decided for you which bed you’re going to sleep in.

kids can be cruel sometimes.

it was 5pm, in two hours you’re all going to gather up for dinner.

you have two hours to get to your counselor and talk with her about wanting to change a cabin or call your parents to take you out of here.

two hours feels like a nightmare in a place like this, full of cabins and in the middle of the woods, luckily, your counselor told you where she’d be staying, you just can’t really remember where is it when all of the cabins look the same.

after half an hour of debating which cabin is your counselor’s cabin, you found another counselor whom you recognized as the 11 years old kids counselor.

“hello! i’m y/n, i’m twelve years old, do you perhaps know where my counselor is?” you asked nicely and he smiled at you.

“yes! i can take you to them” he pat your head and took your hand to guide you to your counselor’s cabin. “wait here i’ll call her” he said and went into the cabin.

after a few minutes, your counselor came out and you thanked the other counselor for saving your day.

“hey y/n is everything o-“ “i would like to change a cabin please” you said, cutting her off before she could finish the sentence.

“why? what happened?” she asked worriedly. “i just don’t like the girls that much” you could feel a few tears threatening to fall and she was quick to hug you.

“okay okay, everything’s fine, wait here a few minutes i’ll go see what i can do okay?” she looked at you and you nodded. “oh? there’s jungwon! jungwon, come here for a second!”

you looked over a saw a boy who looks around the same age as you, confusedly walking up to your counselor.

“can you stay a few minutes with y/n? i need to check for a free place in a cabin for her” your counselor pat his head, “wait, we have a free bed in our cabin! she can join us!” he suggested.

“really jungwon? are you sure?” “yeah! we would like to have another roommate” he smiled.

you took a glance at jungwon and saw how his dimples suddenly showed up with his smile. there’s something about his smile that just makes your mood bright up and you don’t know how to explain it.

“thank you” you whispered and he then looked at you, “i don’t think we’ve met before which is quite weird because we’re around the same age, but hey im jungwon” he waved and you waved back, “i’m y/n” you replied.

“do you need help with your bags?” he asked and you nodded. he took your hand and asked you to lead the way to your now old cabin, so you could take your bags and place them in your new cabin.

as you arrived at the small cabin, you noticed that three beds were already occupied by the rest of your roommates.

“are you new? you’re going to join our cabin? hey! i’m wonyoung!” a girl with the cutest smile you’ve ever seen came up to hug you. “im taesan!” a cute boy popped out and smiled. “you already know me” jungwon giggled.

“i’m y/n, thank you for accepting me” you became emotional for a second and wiped the tears that were about to fall.

the rest of the day went by fast, you got to know your roommates quickly and even sat with them for dinner. when it was time to get back to the cabins, the four of you sat down in a circle and played a few games.

taesan and wonyoung ended up falling asleep before you and jungwon, so you two decided to just talk for a bit.

“your eyes reminds me of boba pearls” you suddenly said and jungwon laughed, “it’s the first time i’m hearing something like that” he covered his mouth in amusement. “i’m going to call you boba from now on” you replied and he nodded.

you kept talking and getting to know each other more. he told you that just like you, he didn’t like the idea of going on a summer camp, but due to his parents being 24/7 outside of home, he was forced to be in this camp. you also learnt that you were so busy on being annoyed with the summer camp, that you didnt notice he was sitting right next to you the whole ride.

you both ended up falling asleep really late that night.

the next day you woke up tired and could barely even function, but the late night talkings became your habit and favorite thing in this whole camp.

just like that, three weeks passed by real fast.

each day would be a new adventure for you and your new friends that you made, and every night you would spent those late night hours talking and chatting about whatever with jungwon. your bond became stronger and stronger with each day that came by.

on the last days of the camp, you all went to the beach and your counselor brought a polaroid camera with her.

“hey jungwon! let’s take a picture under this tree!” you suggested and he nodded.

the tree was a coconut tree, it was located a bit far from the beach, but even if you took a picture there, you could see the beautiful view of the beach behind.

you two called your counselor and asked her to take two pictures, one for you to keep and one for jungwon to keep.

she called you two cuties as you posed and made funny faces to the camera, and when the pictures were ready, she handed you them and you started fighting over which picture you’d be taking.

in one picture you and jungwon were putting your shoulders over each other, making peace signs with a big smile on your faces, and on the other picture you two were making funny faces to the camera.

“i like this one better! its funny and cute!” you said, “but i look really pretty there” he frowned.

“you always look pretty, boba” you smiled.

you ended up taking the picture you wanted. after all, jungwon decided to do everything to make you happy and to make this summer camp become your best memorial.

on the last day you cried. you cried heavily, suddenly not wanting to leave and get back to your family, especially not wanting to leave jungwon.

jungwon hugged you tightly, he too was crying. you made the best memories in this camp, and you met the kid that made you the happiest whenever you were with him. losing him meant that you’d be losing your happiness as well.

you held the picture you took a few days ago close to your heart through all the ride back home. “i’m going to miss you” he quietly said. “i’m going to miss you too” you replied.

“we’ll meet again next summer in the same summer camp again, i promise” he forced you to make a pinky promise and smiled.

you two know you won’t be able to meet up through the rest of the year, jungwon lives a bit far away and your parents won’t be able to drive you to there. you both also study in different schools and have different societies.

as you arrived back home and hugged your parents, you could only hope you’d be able to meet him again.

a year passed by quickly, and it was time for you to start begging to your parents to send you off to summer camp.

“what’s so good about this summer camp? you didn’t even want to go there in the first place” your father said, “plus, we finally get to stay at home for the summer, we can enjoy our time together”

and as much as your parents tried to convince you, you were so driven and stubborn so they eventually gave up.

now all you had to do is hope that he’d do the same for you.

“hello everyone! it’s time for another summer camp! are you excited just as me?” one of the counselors started talking but you were too busy searching for that one kid that could make you smile.

you squeezed and pushed other kids, too desperate to find the boy you were so willing to see again.

after a few minutes of searching, you found your friends, wonyoung and taesan.

“hey! omg its been so long i missed you two” you said and hugged them. “y/n! we’re so happy to see you!” wonyoung hugged you tightly, a few tears falling down as a relief to see you.

“did you perhaps see-“ “finally, i’ve been searching for you like forever!” someone back hugged you tightly.

you jumped in your place but when you turned around, you saw the only reason you’re going to this camp, your favorite person of all time.

you jumped on him and hugged him as if you haven’t seen each other in forever (a year is too much), he hugged you back and giggled, “i missed you” he said. “i missed you too.”

then again, you found yourself in the same cabin with the same roommates, the four of you together were literally inseparable, but your friendship with jungwon became even stronger than before.

“there’s something special about that, you know?” jungwon told you in one of your night chatting routines, “what’s special about what?” you asked. “about our friendship” he smiled, “i think it’s because we’re very similar and can relate to each other, i feel more connected to you every new day”

“think about it, we’ve met last year and didn’t even talk after the summer camp, but we still found each other in this place again” he held your hand and you smiled, “you’re right actually”

“i don’t know what i would’ve done without you” you sighed.

on one of the days, you got to walk around the camp just to relax, so you, jungwon, wonyoung and taesan decided to go picnic.

“can’t believe we’ve only met a year ago” taesan said and you all agreed, “it feels like i’ve known your asses ever since i was five” you added and they giggled.

“what are we going to do after the camp? vanish from your life and then return after a year again?” wonyoung asked. “let’s just exchange phone numbers” jungwon said, “write them down and i’ll add all of you in a groupchat once we get our phones back” he added and you all nodded.

the camp’s policy is no phones are allowed, so you spend all of your time together, without even getting bored for once.

the rest of the camp days flashed by so quickly, in a day you’d be leaving this camp for a whole other year, but just like last year, all of the camp went to the beach again before you had to say your goodbyes.

“hey jungwon!” you called, “let’s recreate our photos!” he completed you before you could finish your sentence, “you know me well boba” you giggled.

you took the pictures and began to fight on who’s going to take the picture again,

“i don’t want to have the same- wait no i meant familiar picture!” he complained, you two recreated the photos so perfectly that they almost seem the same (except for the fact that you’re a year older now). “but i turned out really pretty there” you held the photo closer to you, “you’re always pretty boba” he smirked and winked,

oh he just used your sentence as a roast.

he ended up getting the picture he wanted, after all how could you say no to such cute boba eyes?

then, the day you were most afraid of arrived, the last day of the camp. you were already familiar with the feelings that are about to come out and all the tears that are threatening to fall.

this year is even harder than last year and you barely even sleep the night before, you and jungwon pulled an all nighter because you wanted to spend those hours together as much as you could.

“i’ll see you next year too, right?” he asked and you nodded. “plus you have my phone number, so we’ll be okay” he smiled.

“it’s just that talking on the phone and being with each other is not the same” you frowned after wiping the tears. he knew you were right, so you both embraced each other until it was time to let go.

it’d be the same routine each year, you spending the rest of the year talking on the phone and meeting up in the summer camp, then on the last few days you’re recreating your famous picture together and crying when you have to leave.

you’re eighteen years old now, and its the first year that something had changed around the camp. you and jungwon became camp counselors.

you looked at jungwon, who was wearing his camp counselor shirt and smiled, “the shirt suits you” you smiled, “you look even more pretty in this shirt” he complimented you.

“we’re going to be counselors together” you pointed out. “yeah” he smiled, “it has been one of my dreams actually”

“to be a counselor with you” he added and you nodded, “i look forward to work with you, boba” you chuckled.

to say that you didn’t catch feelings for jungwon would be a complete and total lie. and it’s obviously the same in his case.

you two became OBSESSED with each other, your texting became from ‘hey’s and ‘bye’s to nonstop texting everyday.

as you watched jungwon grow up, you couldn’t deny that he was becoming more handsome and mature in your eyes.

and as jungwon watched you grow up, he couldn’t stop thinking how breathtaking you look by each year that passes.

through the camp, you and jungwon fell in love with the kids you were counseling. they were so overly adorable and enjoyable to be with (also the fact that they kept pushing you and jungwon next to each other just to explain how much they want you two to date added to their cuteness).

and as the very last days of the camp arrived, you went with the kids to the beach.

you and jungwon wanted to take another recreation of your pictures (of course, it’s a tradition already) so you asked one of the other counselors to take a look at your children while you’re going to recreate it.

you brought your polaroid camera and dragged wonyoung to take the picture.

“please! it’s going to be real fast!” you begged her. “it better be, i left taesan alone with the kids and i do not trust him” she rolled her eyes.

as you and jungwon got ready to pose, he paused. “wait wonyoung!” he said.

“im in hurry!” she said.

“what is it?” you asked. jungwon then took out something from his pocket, it was a bracelet with yours and his initials on it.

“i wanted to give this to you and i also wanted to ask you something” he took a deep breath, “y/n, would you make me the happiest person on earth and agree to be my girlfriend?”

you covered your mouth in shock, “yes of course!” you took the bracelet he got you and put it on your wrist, “i love it so much!”

jungwon then held your waist to get you closer to him and kissed you.

the kiss was so sweet and romantic, you completely forgot about the fact that there are other people in the world and just focused on you both.

*click* “oops im so sorry! i forgot i have a camera in my hands” wonyoung smirked and giggled.

you and jungwon blushed out of embarrassment.

“i understand that you two are in love and i really started to wonder what took you so long, but let’s just hurry i think taesan might’ve started crying” she smiled.

you two giggled and started to pose for your pictures.

now you have a new photo to recreate next year.

[bouncybongfairy]

Woodstock 1999

Rick Sanchez x Fem Reader

Summary: After attending a house party, thrown by your friend Summer, you end up meeting Rick. While making small talk, you tell him about the Woodstock 99' documentary that you had just seen and that you wish you could have seen Korn from that festival. Rick is confident that you wouldn’t be able to handle yourself in a crowd like that. When you disagree, Rick tries to call your bluff. By taking you to an alternative reality where Woodstock 99 is taking place.

Word Count: 3k+

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You were sweeping the floors, finishing up your shift at the grocery store you worked at. It was Thursday and the store had been relatively quiet for most of the night. Only a couple more customers were wandering the isles, picking up last-minute items.. You were pretty tired, this started as a summer job but you ended up keeping it throughout the school year. It was nice to have extra money for clothes and outings with your friends, it almost made up for how depleting work was. You heard the assistance bell ring from the register, which prompts you to run over. You were pleasantly surprised to see Summer and her mom, you share most of your classes with the redhead. She has actually spent the night at your house a couple of times and vice-versa. You give her a quick mom and start scanning her items. Her mom was going on and on about how all the bottles of wine were for a family event, you looked over at Summer who was rolling her eyes. You held back a chuckle and continued to make polite conversation with Beth. After you bagged their groceries, Beth walked back to the car but Summer stayed back to talk. 

“So obviously the family event thing was a lie but I am throwing a party tomorrow while my parents are doing this couple retreat thing. You should totally come,” Summer said. 

“Yeah that sounds really fun, did you already invite half the school?” you joked while wiping down the counter. 

“A lot of people are coming, yeah, but it’ll still be fun,” she said. 

“Yeah for sure, do you want me to bring anything?” you asked. 

“Just your hot ass and maybe a bottle would be cool. My mom is calling. I got to go but I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said while walking away. 

Normally a house party isn’t really your scene but you were feeling kinda excited. For the past two months, you’ve been in a bit of a funk. Only going to school and work, not feeling up to doing your make-up most days, and dressing pretty bummy. You felt like a good party would break you out of that. Summer and you had a lot of mutual friends so you knew you would have company no matter what. You checked out the last customer and locked the door behind them. You grabbed some stuff for your lunch tomorrow and two bottles of Red Berry Ciroc. The store was owned by an older gentleman who sadly had dementia, his 29-year-old son now runs the store. As long as you gave him an extra ten for each bottle you bought he would look the other way when it came to age. You took an Uber home and immediately got in the shower. Scrubbing all the sweat off your body and lathering your hair in shampoo as Molly Kate Kestne’s Prom Queen blasted through a speaker. You stayed in the hot water until you felt at risk of passing out. You give your mom a kiss on the cheek, wishing her a good night before going to your bedroom. After turning on Jersey Shore as background noise, you fall asleep in your towel; completely worn out by your school and work week. 

When you woke up, you were surprised that you slept through the night considering you didn’t get too comfortable before falling asleep. You were feeling extremely well-rested, it wasn’t until you were halfway done with your hair that you remembered about Summer’s party. You were super excited, you had this Saturday off which meant you didn’t have to worry about having a hangover. You throw on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt and start gathering things into your book bag. Once you got to school, you couldn’t stop counting down the hours until you could leave. It felt like years had gone by once it was finally time for lunch. You were sitting with a group of friends who were all talking about Summer’s party. Maybe it’s because you have a job but your friends seem a lot less mature over these past couple of months. It seemed like if it wasn’t posted or extremely extra then it didn’t happen. I don’t know, it just felt like they did everything for shock value or clout. You thought it was weird how upset they would get if they didn’t look good in a video of them taking a shot or not taking a picture with the blunt before it was smoked. Sometimes you wish you could record how they act during those times and show them later. You pick at your salad, tuning out of their conversation until the bell rings. 

Once the last period ended you bolted out of the front doors and made your way home. You flat ironed your hair and started applying a bit of makeup. Rummaging through your closet, you ended up wearing a tube top and a pair of baggy cargo jeans. You grabbed one of the biggest purses you could find grabbed a tee-shirt and wrapped the two vodka bottles in a way that avoids any clanking sound. Your pen, make-up bag, charger, and a couple of other items. You end up walking to Summer’s house seeing that it’s only a 20-minute walk. When you got there, the sun was just barely setting and teenagers were flocking to the house. The house was practically shaking due to how loud the music was. When you walked in you practically had to wave a cloud out of your face. Summer immediately noticed you when you walked in and came over to greet you. 

“Hey! Oh my gosh, I’m so glad you came!” Summer said. 

“Yeah me too, I needed this really bad. Also.. here are those bottles,” you said, taking the vodka out of your purse. 

“Wow, I didn’t think you were gonna bring anything. I’m gonna chill these,” she said, grabbing the bottles and leading you into the kitchen. When you walked in Rick was leaning against the countertop. She shoved the bottles deep into the freezer, in hopes of speeding up the process.

“If you can’t drink -burp- the liquor at room temperature you’re probably not mature enough to be drinking at all,” Rick said, taking a swig from his flask. 

“What if we just prefer it chilled? Just because you can doesn’t mean you shouldn’t” you point out. 

“Yeah, Grandpa and after I smoke I don’t like the way hot ass liquor feels on my throat,” Summer said, closing the fridge door. 

“Doesn’t matter whether your liquor is cold or hot, your party is gonna suck since you put a ban on any of my friends coming. Seems a little like bigotry in my opinion,” Rick said. 

Summer ignored him and led you to her bedroom where a girl from your school Tricia Lange was packing a bowl. You asked Summer if it was okay to leave the party unattended. She joked ‘That’s what Morty is for’ which made you and Tricia laugh. She offered you greens which flattered you, after cornering the bowl you handed it to Summer. Coming off a two-week tolerance break, the weed was hitting you fast and hard. You tilted your head up and blew the smoke up into the air. Tricia complimented you on how pretty you looked which made you blush because.. hello its Tricia Lange, one of the hottest girls in your grade. You guys were making small talk when Summer pulled out a pink crystal and started crushing it into a fine powder. 

“What is that?” you asked. 

“It’s a Kalaxian crystal, it’s pretty mild like snorting molly kinda,” Summer said, lining up the power. 

“I.. don’t know about that,” you said looking at the powder suspiciously. 

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about it showing up on a drug test or anything. It’s not detectable with Earth’s drug tests,” Tricia said, setting her hand on your shoulder. 

“No, well that’s good to know actually but imma need to see you take a bump before I do,” you said. 

“You humor me,” Summer said, using a hundred-dollar bill to snort the powder, her eyes turning a baby blue.

Summer passed the tray to Tricia who mimicked her action. Your heart was racing as her manicured hands passed the tray over to you. Not wanting to come off as a prude, you took the rolled-up bill into your hand and brought it up to your nose. You sniffed the powder into your nose and coughed a little because the taste was so foreign. The two girls lead you downstairs where the party is now packed and a bit unhinged. Couples making out against any available wall space they could find, groups of people who were surrounding a person smoking out of a gravity bong. Drugs by Lil Aaron was blaring out of several speakers, drowning out almost every other sound. The three of you were dancing together in the living room with several of your peers. You were feeling so euphoric and magical; like you could float off the ground if you really tried. It was then that Summer reminded you of the Ciroc bottles that were in the freezer. All three of you took a shot and cringed as it went down. Summer and Tricia left to go to the bathroom leaving you in the kitchen. You were pretty intoxicated at this point and started to wander. You end up in the garage, where Rick is sitting at his workstation. 

“Out!” he barked which caused you to jump and gasp due to how loud and aggressive he sounded, he didn’t even look up. 

“S-sorry I -which way..” you started but Rick got up and walked over to you. He grabbed your chin and tilted your head up. 

“I told Summer to stop giving K-Crystals to her little friends,” he said, seeing the effects from your eyes. You looked over a noticed he had a Woodstock 99’ ticket pinned onto his wall. 

“You -hiccup- went to Woodstock 99? You- you’re so lucky you got to see Korn from that crowd,” you slurred without breaking eye contact. He laughed and let go of your chin and walked back to his workstation. 

“Did you actually go?” you asked, walking over to him. 

“I thought I said to get out earlier,” he said. 

“I have selective hearing,” you said, picking up a screwdriver. 

“I’m lost, is that supposed to be my problem?” he said. 

“Well it -burp- if you really wanted it to be,” you giggled.

“Yeah as much of a catch as you are, I think I’ll pass,” he laughed.

“Oh please I bet I’d be the best pussy you’ve had in months,” you laugh but quickly change expressions as Rick stands up and towers over you. 

“Do you really think that you would be an unachievable fantasy to me? Like I’m some sad old stockbroker who has to rely on naivety to get laid? Don’t insult me,” Rick said, taking a sip of his flask without stepping away. 

“Your shirt -hiccup- looks so soft, imagine if we could have gone to Woodstock together. You’re so tall that I wouldn’t have to worry about guys reaching up and groping me and I would have the most amazing view of some of the coolest bands of all time,��� you said, feeling your high slowly start to come down. He smirked at you before turning around locking the garage door and opening a portal, dragging you through it. 

“What- where are we going?” you asked confused, adjusting your eyes to the suddenly sunny skies. 

“To call your bluff. There’s no way you could last here, it was kinda a shit show if you didn’t know,” he said. 

“I know, I watched the documentary on Netflix,” you said very matter-of-factly. 

It took your eye a couple of minutes for them to adjust but once they did, you couldn’t deny you were a little taken back. There really was a lot of nudity and white-boy aggression. You hoped Rick didn’t notice, but every once in a while, you would look behind you to make sure he was nearby. The first thing you wanted to do was get to the airbrush body paint station. You wanted Korn written across your chest in black and pink. At this point, the high of the K-Crystals was completely worn off and all you wanted was a hit of something. It was then you realized you still had your purse, you blindly reached your hand in until you felt your hand hit the cold metal of the battery. Your mouth begins salivating as bring the cart to your lips and take a long drag, blowing it up in the air. You take a couple more drags and notice that the artist has stopped. When you looked down he was just looking up at you. He was probably in his early 30s and had a 90s haircut that was short and spiked with blonde tips.  Without breaking contact take another drag and exhale as you speak. 

“Sorry, did you want a hit?” you asked playfully, looking over at Rick who was smirking with his arms crossed, evaluating the situation. The guy airbrushing you looked up at Rick who started to speak. 

“You know you didn’t come across to me as one of those girls who have nipple piercings,” Rick said. 

“Yeah I know, they’re hot right?” you asked to adjust the one that didn’t have any paint on it yet; they were bars with a chain that supported a pink bedazzled saturn charm. 

“So uh, Maria is gonna finish up our piece cool?” he said, getting up before either of you could respond which caused both of you to chuckle. 

After you were finished up with the body painting tent you made your way to the main stage. Hundreds of teens and young adults were making their way to the exact same location. It was weird because even though you knew what was going to happen, you were still bubbling with anticipation. Rick laughed and mocked you because he knew you had seen exactly what happened and still bubbled with suspense and excitement. When you asked Rick if you could actually sit on his shoulders he didn’t say anything, only nodding in agreement. You were trying to pry about the first time he ever experienced this but he would always give you a bullshit excuse like he was too wasted to remember. As you walked, guys kept approaching you, trying hard to keep conversation. You tried to be polite and at least slow down as you respectfully deny their advance. You even stopped a couple of times but Rick would gently bump into you with his body from behind to keep you walking. Once you got into the crowd, Rick took the arm and pressed his body to your back. He started guiding and shaving his way through the front of the sea of people while having his arms raised, protecting you from the crowd. 

Normally if someone was being more polite it would have taken forever to make their way to the front. Rick however wasn’t sparing any feelings as he pushed and shoved. As you people watched, you couldn’t help but take in how different people were in the 90s. One of the biggest things that tripped you out was seeing how different the hair and make-up were of the girls around you. Super thin eyebrows, a thick eyeliner waterline with clumpy mascara. Your lashes were huge and your nails were so long, it felt like everyone was staring at you.  Most of the hair extensions were god-awful but you gave them a pass considering this was a festival. The cameras were so retro-looking and looked bulky on the crew’s shoulders. Rick pulled a plastic baggie of pink powder from his lab coat. You assumed these were the same crystals you smoked earlier so didn’t think twice when snorting your fair share. Only later to find out that it was actually Molly, normally you’d be freaking out but I mean… You were in an entirely different dimension. Seemed kinda late for that. Once the intro started, Rick bent down slightly allowing you to sit on his shoulders. You could feel the energy of the crowd growing. It was almost like your heartbeat was getting more intense as the music’s rhythm began picking up. 

A camera was coming closer to you, you blew it a kiss and then took a drag of your pen. It could have been because of the drugs but you felt like you were so high in the air, you could see the top of everyone’s head.; like you were a skyscraper. You were truly having the time of your life, it was nice being able to be carefree. Being able to get as wasted or naked as you wanted knowing you had someone to take care of you. You were gently running your fingers through his hair, tugging on it a little bit. You leaned down and whispered into the top of his head, 

“Thank you for taking me here, this is amazing,” you said. 

He didn’t reply, just ran his hands up and down your leg, starting at your knees and ending at your ankles. You were feeling accomplished that he didn’t get the chance to call your bluff as he put it. When Korn wasn’t playing you could barely hear yourself think over how loud the crowd was. You couldn’t tell if Rick was mad or just concentrating. After a while, you were getting overstimulated by everything going on around you. You asked Rick if you guys could head home, and he opens a portal directly underneath you guys, dropping the both of you back into a garage. You grab the extra tee shirt from your bag and throw it over your body. 

“Thanks, we should do it again sometime,” you said before exiting the garage to find summer.

[toxicanonymity]

A lift and two screws (one shot)

Words: 4.5k | Pairing: Corey Cunningham x f!Reader Summary: You go to Prevo Auto to get your car fixed after hours, and the handsome mechanic rails you twice.  Notes: Reader has breasts and a vagina and can be lifted by Corey. Um, please excuse the lack of mechanic knowledge.

WARNINGS: I8+ P in V, mildly dubcon, choking, finger sucking. I'll be honest, rereading this >1 yr later, the size kink, hand kink, and voice kink all go pretty hard lmao be nice this was like my third week writing.

Your car’s persistent rattle has gotten to the point that you’re finally bringing it into Prevo on your way home from work. You turn into the property and dust kicks up under your tires as you make your way to the mechanic shop.  The sun is just starting to set. 

One garage door is open and another is closed.  You pull up to the open door and park outside. You get out of your car and don’t see anyone in the garage.  In the office, there are shadows moving.  You look at the glass door trying to find their hours but it’s blank.  

Out of view, you hear someone working on a truck in the garage.  You call, “Hello?” And hear something clatter.  “Just a sec!” a deep, gruff voice answers.  

The glass door to the office opens and the blinds rattle.  Ronald steps out holding a clipboard.  He’s wearing a pen behind his ear.  “You dropping off?” 

“Actually, I’d like to wait if possible.” 

“Sorry kid, we’re about to close.  You’re welcome to drop it off though.”

You should have known it was too late.  “It’s okay, it’s just a rattle, it’s not urgent.  I’ll try to get here earlier tomorrow.” 

“Sure thing,” Ronald says.  Before he heads back in the office, he says “Corey! Time to close up.”  

Corey Cunningham emerges from behind the truck.  He’s wiping oil off his forehead.   He was always sturdy, but damn, he’s looking good. Whenever you’ve seen him in the past, he was dressed in layers, so you couldn’t really see his body.  And it was almost like he was cowering.  You can’t blame him - Haddonfield has treated him horribly.  Something’s changed now. It’s not just the uniform. He carries himself differently, and for the first time you’re noticing he’s built like a football player. He never struck you as athletic before.

He takes a pair of goggles off and fluffs his curls with a huge, dirty hand. As his hand flexes, a vein bulges between his wrist and one of his thick knuckles.  Now, those are the hands of a man, you think.   “Hey,” he says. His voice is deep and husky.  “What’s up?” He crosses his large arms and shifts his weight to one leg.  You can’t take your eyes off his body.  His uniform hugs his hefty frame.  

“Hey, it’s just a rattle.   I’ll bring it back tomorrow, no worries,” you say.  

You start to get back in your car, then Corey says, “Hey, uh,”  looking over his shoulder to make sure the door closes behind Ronald.  He lowers his voice.  “Come back in an hour. I got you.” His low, gravely voice just melts you, and you savor the closeness created by his near-whisper.  

“Really? I don’t think it’s urgent.” 

“Nah, I’ll be here. Better just to get it done,” he says.  “If you want, of course.” He takes his eye glasses and a pinky ring out of his chest pocket and puts them on. 

“Yeah, okay.  Sure, sounds good.” 

-

You go home and take off your work clothes.  You put on jeans, a tank top, and a zip-up hoodie.  When you get back, it’s dark.  Corey lets you into the gate.  His uniform is unzipped to the waist, revealing a white tshirt under the blue fabric.  You park outside the closed garage and roll down your window.   

His ass fills the seat of his jumpsuit as he crouches down to grab the handle of the garage.  He is built.  At least a dozen muscles in his back flex as he lifts the door. The size of his hand makes the handle look small.  His other hand assists from the bottom of the door as it goes up.   You can’t take your eyes off his hands.  “I’ve just gotta move this truck to free up the lift.  It’ll take a minute..”  

“Okay,” you say.  You get out of your car and lean against it.  “Mind if I watch?”  The garage is dimly lit, but you can see enough. 

“Uh, sure,” he says, as he grabs a huge tool box by a handle that doesn’t fit all his fingers.  He sets the tool box down and grabs a tire off the ground.  His big thighs and arms flex as he carries it to the truck.  His glutes press against his jumpsuit with each step.  He gets back to the truck and squats down with the tire, his thighs and hamstrings straining the fabric. You try not to drool.    

He catches you staring.  He pulls his arms out of his jumpsuit and lets it hang at the waist.  His arms are tan and look even bigger with the sleeves of his tshirt hugging his biceps. You’re getting wet.  His torso is like a tree trunk, and his back and side muscles move as he uses a wrench to put the tire on.  Even the wrench looks small in his sculpted hand.  His knuckles are so distinct, they keep catching your eye.  You know he must be good with those hands.  

When he stands back up, he ties the jumpsuit sleeves around his waist.  Then he gets in the truck and moves it outside the garage, parking it in the lot.  He comes jogging back and a flood light hits him, his hair and hard pecs bouncing slightly. You can’t remember being turned on by a guy’s pecs before, but they’re so hard. His whole torso is like a sturdy rack of muscle.  “Alright, let’s bring it in,” he says, as he walks into the garage.  Everything sounds sexy in his voice.  

He directs you as you park your car, then jogs back to the garage door.  He pulls the door down before you’re even out of your car.  Your stomach starts to flutter.  You’re essentially captive in here now, and no one knows you’re here.  Not that he would do anything, but you wonder if you should have at least told your roommate where you were going.  

You open your car door and he catches it with one massive hand.  He stands there with his imposing figure between the door and the frame of your car, and squats down so your faces are just a foot or so apart.  “So, I hear the rattle.”  His voice is low and thick.  “Is that all?” He asks. There are a few faint, purple bruises on his broad  neck, you wonder what from  

“Yeah, that’s all,” you confirm.  With his arm holding the door, you can smell his masculine musk and your nipples pucker.  His arm. . . He looks like he could carry you with one arm, honestly.  

He's kind of blocking you from getting out of your car.  You wonder if you’re supposed to stay inside it.  You also start to wonder if this is really a bad situation.  Your body definitely wants to be here, but your survival instincts are making some calculations.  He’s only a couple of inches taller than you, but he’s so solid and hefty you wouldn’t stand a chance in a struggle.  Your best bet would be to run.  But run from what? 

He moves only slightly - enough to signal that you can get out of the car now, but not enough to give you enough space to do so. The meaty thigh of his jumpsuit grazes your jeans as you maneuver your way out.  The contact sends a shockwave through your body. “Sorry,” you say.” He looks you in the eye. You scold yourself for how turned on you are in this super sketch situation. 

“Don’t be sorry.” His eyes darken. He lets the air thicken with tension before getting more casual again. “Alright, let me just hit the lift and grab two screws.“ 

You hover near the front of your car while he grabs what he needs.   He takes off his glasses and puts them on a workbench. He hits a button on the wall and your car is lifted up slightly off the ground.   He rides an under-car roller like a skateboard on his way back.

He expertly stops the roller right in front of you and eases it between you and your car.  “You still wanna watch?” He asks in a sultry but masculine way.  He holds eye contact with you then glances down at the under-car roller. 

You can’t find words, but you nod and start to move so you can give him space to work.

“Don’t move.” He stops you,, giving your palm a quick squeeze with the large, calloused pads of his fingers.  Butterflies swarm from your core to your chest.  Every light touch, every word he says stirs more warmth and need in your core.  He kicks the inside of one of your sneakers.  “Just a little.”  Is he telling you to spread your legs?  You do it.  

His thick fingers lightly brush against both your hips as he lowers himself onto the under-car roller.  It’s as if he’s bracing himself, but he’s barely touching you.  His hands on your sides make you feel tiny.  He leaves his hands lightly touching your calves as he sits there for a moment.  Driven crazy by the light touch, your body wants something more.  He eases his ass onto the roller and extends his legs so they’re between yours.  You’re standing upright aside from your legs being spread.  They’re not bent, you’re not crouching.  You’re looking down at him.   Your heart is a mile a minute. 

His curly head is right at your crotch, inches away.  The air is electric with potential energy. His back is against the grill of your car, and his legs are extended under the A-frame made by yours.  He looks at your pants. His eyes move back and forth between your zipper and button.   “K.  I’ll be right back,” he says softly to your jeans without looking up.  It’s like he’s talking to your cunt. His irises are so dark they’re practically black.  

His thick paws go from your calves to your ankles.  He scoots forward a little as he lowers his back to the roller. You don’t move. His curly hair grazes your crotch.  He’s briefly staring up at your crotch before he grabs under the car with both hands and pulls himself under. His feet are barely visible.  He’s under there for less than a minute before he’s done.  “That should do it,” he says from under your car. Your legs are still spread.

His feet begin to slide out from under the car, then his shins and sculpted knees.  His boots reach your sneakers.  He turns his feet outward and hooks his boots on your ankles to pull himself back out, his knees bending as his torso emerges from under the car.  His legs are butterflied and his meaty thighs frame his crotch.  This position stretches his uniform and you can just barely see a bulbous area where his legs meet his ass.  

He brings his huge hands to his knees and uses them to sit up.  His thick fingers spread beyond each of his knees even though his knees are large, too. He swivels around then  leans his back against the grill of your car and puts his hands back on his knees and looks up at you.  

“That was quick,” you say.  “Can I move now?” 

“Do you want to?” He asks without missing a beat.  You bring your feet back to a normal position.  He scoots himself closer to you, then runs his large, rough hands up your jeans as he stands up.  He doesn’t step back.  He uses one foot to discard the under-car roller without taking his eyes off you.  It reaches the far wall with a small crash.  His black irises dart back and forth between your eyes.  He has a hulking presence.  

He hooks his meaty fingers into your front pockets and slowly starts to step backwards towards the drivers side of your car, bringing you with him.  When he gets to your car door, he pulls the handle and it clicks the door ever so slightly open.  He pivots around you so you’re between him and the door, but he’s practically right up against you.  “Do you wanna go?” he asks.  “I’ll go hit the lift.”

Your whole body is humming with desire.  Your breath is shallow.  Your face is hot.  He unties the sleeves from around his waist and lets them hang.  There is a clear bulge in his jumpsuit.   He backs up a little and puts a hand on your car and leans there, instead of into you, allowing you space if you want to get in your car.  

You can’t speak, but you bite your lip and shake your head no.  

"Good,” he says.  "I don't want you to go." One large hand effortlessly pushes the door flush again with a click.  His hands are smeared in oil.  It’s probably all over your jeans, but you don’t care.  You lean your back against your car. He moves closer, closing the gap between you.  His large hands come to your waist.  He presses himself against you, pelvis first.  His solid girth is apparent through your soft-washed jeans.  The rest of his thick torso presses against you, and your faces are inches apart. 

His black eyes gaze into yours hungrily.  His full lips form half a smile, then it fades.   His arousal grinds into you  Your lips part and you gasp.  His lips lay into yours  hard, and he’s inhaling through his nose as he presses his mouth into yours hungrily, like he needs your lips locked with his in order to breathe.  He parts your lips with his tongue for a taste. He kisses you aggressively, like he’s taking something from you. He pulls back and his eyes have darkened even more. 

His hard member grinds into you slowly, rhythmically.  Your clit is pulsing and your cunt is aching to be filled.   His massive  hand slips between you and the car and grabs your ass.  The hand easily spans an entire cheek.  You take his other hand in yours and marvel at the size of his fingers. You run your small thumb over a scab in the middle of his palm. You hold his heavy fingers in your hand, looking over them one by one, and he brings the hand to your face.   His pinky ring is cold against your cheek.  

His thumb gently parts your mouth and it's larger than both your lips together. You open your jaw to accept its girth and greet it with your tongue.  You close your lips and suck his thumb lightly, then harder.  All the while, he grinds his hardness into you and you roll your hips back.  He feels even bigger and harder now.  You clean his massive digits with your mouth, one by one.  

Even his pinky feels large in your mouth. You taste the metal of his ring and gently close your teeth against his skin.  He lets you take off the ring and you use your mouth to deposit it on your thumb.  He watches you curiously with those dark eyes.  The pinky ring is too loose even on your thumb.  You use your hands to put it back on him, and he moves his hand to your jeans. 

His hand engulfs your entire front as he palms you outside your jeans. He can't fit his whole hand between your legs without you spreading them. He uses his central three fingers to rub you just how you like.  You both breathe heavily. His lips come to your neck and suck.  You feel the pain of a hickey forming and reflexively pull away.  He uses his massive hand to pull your neck back to his mouth, then unzip your hoodie as he devours your neck.  He grabs a breast powerfully, like he’s consuming your whole body at once.  He sucks your neck harder this time.  "You're mine," he growls.  You want it to be true. You don't want him to ever let go.  

His enormous hand goes to your jeans and undoes the button.  He lowers the zipper as he continues to suck your neck, and you squirm, desperate for his cock.  He slides the same three fingers into your jeans and feels how wet you are. "Fuck," he breathes.  "You want it, don't you." He thrusts his clothed arousal into your thigh and you reach down to receive it.  You feel his thick, juicy cock through his clothes, and god, it's SO hard.  You reach your hand into his jumpsuit and boxers. The girth dwarfs your hand. You've never seen a cockhead this fat. 

You palm the tip where pre-cum is pearling and reach your fingers around it. You never thought you'd have a fist full of cock-head. He continues to rub you and you pump his cock to the same rhythm. His other hand comes to your fist on his cock.  His hand dwarfs yours as you stroke him together.  You use your other hand to wriggle your jeans down.

Your sensitive pearl throbs. Your empty cunt contracts and aches in need.  Your body is begging to be filled with his. You frantically kick off your shoes.  He reaches down to your foot and hooks two large fingers into your pant leg, grazing the sensitive arch of your foot.  He yanks the pant off your leg with one  jerk and leaves them lying pathetically around the other ankle;  there's no time to bother with it. He hooks his girthy thumbs into the sides of his jumpsuit, helping it down over his muscular ass and hefty thighs, then  letting the fabric fall around his ankles.  Each of his thighs is the size of your torso.  

He presses himself against you so his naked thighs are against yours and he rubs his fat cock against your folds.  You feel like you could come any second.   He brings a massive hand under each of your thighs and effortlessly lifts your weight, readying his cock to enter you.  His cock is so wide you aren’t sure it’ll fit, but you’re wet enough that anything might.   

Your inner thigh muscles feel a pleasant stretch as your legs are wrapped around his thick, sturdy torso, your jeans dangling from one foot.  He’s holding all of your weight.  You nestle the head of his cock into position and he thrusts immediately.  His cock head plunges inside, parting your folds.  It feels so good as it fills you up.  He thrusts again and pulls your body down on his cock.  

Now he’s all the way inside. “Oh god, Corey,”  It’s like you’re physically complete for the first time in your life.  His hands hold your back and ass and you roll your hips and hang on tight around his thick neck as you ride him.  You can feel the bulk of his abs against your clit as you go up and down on his cock.  You start to come and your jeans finally fall to the ground as you grind your hips into him and ride several strong pulsing waves.  As you clench around him, he moans your name, and his meaty fingers dig into your skin.  He moves you harder up and down his cock, and then you feel him erupt.  He wraps his bear arms around you tight as his fat cock empties itself into you.

As you both finish pulsating, you kiss his thick neck.  You look down over his shoulder and watch the muscles of his burly back rise and fall with his breaths.  He lowers you to the ground so you’re both standing.  He leans back against your car and you fold into him.  You feel small.  He’s still wearing his work boots and you’re barefoot.  And he’s just so broad.  You catch your breath for a few minutes and he strokes your hair.  

-

“Uh oh,” he says, and you look down and see your jeans in a puddle of oil.  You step away to survey the damage. He pulls his jumpsuit back up over his ass but doesn’t zip it.  He goes to the wall to lower your car back down.  You grab a pair of shorts from the gym bag you keep in your car and slip them on.  You ask if you can freshen up and he brings you into the office.  You go through a waiting area that has a couch, a TV, and a few chairs, and there’s a restroom. 

In the mirror, you survey the damage - Your hair is a wreck.  Expected.  One side of your neck is red and purple.  You had forgotten about that.  At least it’s cold enough to wear turtlenecks.  

His deep voice booms from the break room, “YOU WANT A CHOCOLATE MILK?” His voice is so sexy - the depth, the edge, the northern accent.  

“YES PLEASE,” you answer.   Chocolate milk sounds amazing right now. Corey walks into the waiting room wearing the t-shirt, boxers, and socks.  The jumpsuit and work boots are gone. Even without the boots, every step he takes is so heavy.  He has a bottle of chocolate milk and two glasses.  He pours you a glass as you admire his burly body.  His strong arms, his broad chest, his bulging thighs.  His beautiful back.  You want to memorize it.  

He turns on the TV.  You curl up against him.  You feel like a little cat, dwarfed by his body.  You watch an episode together.  At a commercial break, he goes and gets another chocolate milk to share.  

The next episode starts, and you bring the cool glass to your neck to ease the soreness.  It hurts.  As you begin to feel some relief, Corey’s eyes darken and he puts down his chocolate milk.  “You better not cover that up,” he says gruffly.  

You’re startled.  “I, um-” 

“Let everyone see you’re mine.”  Are you? Your heart sings. 

He takes the glass out of your hand and puts it down on the table next to his. He starts to prowl toward you on the couch.  His thighs are so muscular.  He lunges toward you, over you, slowly but forcefully.  You uncurl and back up.  Your back is flat against the couch and he’s over you.  You don’t move.   His physical presence shadows and engulfs you.   He’s caging you to the couch with both arms and both legs as his torso hovers above you.  You pull your legs together, shrinking.  He puts his knees down on either side and straddles you.  

Corey sits back on his bulging haunches and looks at you.  Then he snarls and brings his broad torso closer to your chest.  He brings his expansive hand to your little neck.  His massive fingers trace the bruises delicately until suddenly his hand clamps down. You can’t breathe.   You cough and feel your face turning red.  He’s doing it with one hand, that’s all it takes.  

“God, you look hot with my hand around your neck,”  he says as he loosens his grip a little. You’re sure it’s true - his hand looks hot around anything.  The contrast with your delicate neck would be a devastating sight.  He brings his pelvis to yours and you feel him getting hard. You cough again. 

He lets go of your neck, then slips his expansive hand into your tank top and bra and brings his lips to your neck sweetly.  Your breast is dwarfed by his palm. He caresses you lightly and your nipple hardens, then he cups your whole soft breast in the palm of his hand.  He brushes it lightly with his palm again as he moves to the other breast.  His hand is so massive that he could touch both nipples at the same time if he wanted to - one with his thumb and one with his pinky.  

You feel his arousal strengthen as he fondles your breasts.  He lowers his body weight onto you.  You can barely breathe, but it’s so hot being crushed by his hulking form.  You’re getting wet, and you feel him getting harder and harder.  He nudges the crotch of your loose gym shorts aside and presses several expansive digits against your wet folds.  Your cunt is already aching for his girth again.  He strokes your sensitive pearl and your breath quickens.  

He uses his thumb to continue while he plunges his middle finger into your entrance.  It floods your body with warmth.  He follows it with another finger and thrusts them in and out of you together.   Your back arches in delight.   His hand is so large, he practically holds you like a bowling ball.  You imagine he could pick you up like this.  He’s working his thumb and huge fingers in all the right places.  The cold metal of his pinky ring sends a shiver up your spine when it hits your ass cheek.  You find yourself approaching climax faster this time.  

He frees his cock from his boxers and drives it all the way into you.  The force pushes your head gently upward against the arm of the couch. He thrusts again, harder and deeper, but slow.  He continues slowly, and you slowly roll your hips into him, but the pace is about to drive you crazy.  You were so close to coming and now he’s edging you.  

Corey brings his lips to your neck and kisses your bruises softly, then meets your lips hungrily.  You kiss hard and sloppily, breathing hotly against each other’s mouths as he keeps fucking you, but gradually quickens the pace.  You look into each other’s eyes, and his darkness is so hot to you.  You love the feeling of his fat cock pounding into you, and you wish he’d never take it out.  

You love his whole burly body.  You pull him closer, desperate to have all his skin against yours.  You curl your fingers under his shirt and he lets you remove it, revealing the most solid torso you could have imagined.  You remove your own shirt then bra and press your breasts into his chest.  His skin is smooth, only lightly covered by fine hair.  He fucks you harder and faster and you feel beads of his sweat run between your breasts.  You run your hands over his back and feel the intricacies of his strong muscles moving as he fucks you.  

His breathing changes.  “Fuck,” he says, and starts to come. His voice and pulsations send you, and you come even harder than the first time.  As your cunt clenches on his cock, you wish it would never let go.  You hug him into you as you both finish coming.  He lies there with all his weight on you, like a magnificent weighted blanket, with his cock still inside you, until you really need to breathe and reluctantly shift your pelvis to nudge him out and partly off you.  You’ll doze off nestled into the couch with half his weight on you.  

You bring your fingertips to your bruises as you drift off to sleep.  You’re not going to wear a turtleneck. 

THANK YOU FOR READING

if you like Corey, there's more where this came from: my Tumblr index

[uwuyangeppie]

hi, i was the anon that asked about the lockdown scenario!!! it was wonderful, especially that last bit about knowing about his affections before escaping to getting trapped in the underworld ❤️

i imagine he goes to the underworld with serval in their companion mission with another agenda, and that's to check whether or not his darling is still there. of course his duty and his sister's feelings come first, but there's a chance that he might catch a glimpse of them. it takes all of his restraint and discipline not to stray from the group when their familiar figure catches his eye, talking to some stranger he couldn't care less about.

of course he makes a mental note to come back and finally claim what's his

it’s taken a while for me to jump back into writing because i’ve had some stuff going on, but it’s been even longer for you, lockdown anon… i’m really sorry about that :(

anyway,

gepard is ecstatic when bronya tells him that they’re lifting the lockdown.

of course, he keeps this to himself.

well aware that how he’s acting on his feelings is wrong, he can’t very well tell her that he’s so excited to see his darling who escaped from him again. he doesn’t want to use the phrase ���ran away”, a small part of him hoping that it was just a misunderstanding.

it’s nice that this part is deep in denial, but he knows, deep down. you could relieve his fears, but the fact that you haven’t even bothered to come back up says enough, doesn’t it?

bronya gives him a lot of work to do after she lifts the lockdown. between managing the guard and dealing with all the paperwork, his free time dwindles down to zero. frustration and desperation drags him through the toughest parts.

and then serval decides she wants to leave belobog.

what perfect timing!

he’s been asked to reconnect with a group called wildfire, which would really only be another meeting in disguise. he’d be in and out. but now, since he’ll have another “purpose” for being down there, it’ll give him a chance to explore a little.

and it works out almost exactly like that.

his eyes are rarely on the path in front of them; his eyes always darting down side streets, hoping that he’ll see you, even if it’s just a glimpse.

by the time he spots you, way down a side street, he’s well and truly dizzy. it’s worth it, though. you’re safe and just as beautiful as he remembers you being. perhaps even more so, now. his chest tightens; gepard realises just how much he’s missed you.

if he chases you, you’ll run.

how awful is that?

you are talking to a man that’s probably wasting your time just by being around you. for some reason, you seem to be happy to keep up the conversation.

the trailblazer and serval haven’t slowed down. why would they? he hasn’t been able to introduce you to them as his partner (not for lack of trying on his part, though! you’re just so uncooperative…), and so he has to walk away, not quite willing to risk destroying everything today.

he sighs- serval teases him for it.

not today, not tomorrow, almost certainly not next week. it might be a long process, but you’ll be back in his arms. he just has to be patient.

and once he retrieves you, he’ll make sure to keep a much closer eye on you.

[rillils]

written for round 5 @stuckybingo, square I5 - Looking after each other wordcount: 1411 pairing: Steve/Bucky additional tags: fluff, kidfic, general silliness, slice of life, dorks in love, dorks in love + their baby

Steve never believed in sunscreen, no matter how many times he got the hide scorched off of him. Used to just sit there and let the sun fry his skin, seemingly content to suffer through all the pretty stages of a sunburn, the blistering and the peeling, the stinging and the itching.

The serum just gave his stubborn ass one more excuse to walk outside in all his dumb, unprotected glory.

“You know it’ll have healed by tomorrow anyway,” he would shrug in the face of Bucky’s reasonable worry. But oh, how he’d hiss and cuss through gritted teeth, Later That Same Day, when Bucky inevitably wound up spreading cool aloe over his poor, neon-bright shoulders, the shade of them a hot raw pink that’d probably get them both sued by Mattel sooner or later.

“Fuck. Fuck. I always forget how bad it gets. How do I always forget how bad it gets.”

And it would take a herculean effort for Bucky to refrain from saying ‘I told you so’, but refrain he would; he’d simply smooth his aloe-covered fingers down to the small of Steve’s back, where the tan line made his creamy-pale asscheeks stand out like two (somewhat flabbergasted) halves of a moon, and he’d lean over to whisper-kiss a fond, “Dumbass”, against the crown of Steve’s head.

* It was fatherhood that flipped that particular switch for Steve.

Already within the first few weeks of her life, Sarah Barnes-Rogers managed a colossal feat which several people, including her very own namesake, had been fruitlessly attempting for no less than a century: knock some sense into her father.

That summer, they brought their five-month-old baby to the beach for the first time, and suddenly Steve’s baseline shifted from a glaring zero, to at least three separate bottles of sunscreen tucked in his backpack at all times – and he wielded them as dramatically and determinedly as King Arthur pulling his sword from the Stone.

“Never thought I’d see the day,” Bucky teased while Steve re-applied lotion on their daughter, and then himself, for the third time in one morning, the delicate scent of coconut wrapped around them like a gentle cloud.

“Protection is important,” retorted his husband, always 101% ready to rise to the challenge, even when it was ridiculous degrees outside and the average human felt distinctly like warm ice cream oozing, slow and tragic, towards an indecorous end on a sizzle-hot curb. Sarah wriggled excitedly in his lap, her pudgy little body slippery like a newborn dolphin.

“Important for you, too? Really? I thought you were gonna heal by tomorrow anyway.”

Steve glared at him, mouth pouting with growing intensity within the neatly groomed frame of his beard.

“We lead by example,” he said petulantly, and since he couldn’t exactly stomp away – at least not with all the dramatic flair required by such indignity as Bucky was willfully subjecting him to – he settled for looking away instead, fixing the hat over Sarah’s ears to keep his hands occupied. Stubborn, mulish smartass. Bucky was sure he’d never loved him quite so ardently as he did in that moment.

He leaned between their loungers and smacked the loudest kiss on Steve’s coconut-scented cheek, not bothering (oh, not too much) to hide his smug grin. “Good.”

*

Now, all things considered, it’s no wonder that Sarah’s grown to be such a sunscreen enthusiast.

The second they hit the beach, she wants nothing better than for Papa to help her get coated in the stuff, from head to wiggly toe; and once the procedure is complete, she’ll scuttle off at lightning speed, drop to the ground, and – to Bucky’s endless horror – roll about until she’s got every bit of her greased-up self nice and caked in sand. Sand which they'll still find sprinkled in every corner, crease and crinkle of every towel, bag and piece of clothing they own for a couple of months at least, but what is parenthood if not self-sacrifice?

Before she gets to that, though, Sarah has her own self-appointed job to do.

She plucks the bottle from Steve’s hand and, as per their private ritual, manhandles him into lying on his belly, announcing with her sweet, recently tooth-gapped smile, “I’ll do your back!”

Steve always indulges her with a smile of his own, and lets her climb onto the small of his back, ready to surrender himself to Sarah’s loving, if somewhat fierce ministrations.

For once, though, she doesn’t simply smear the lotion around with her usual excitement. On the contrary, she holds the bottle up and squeezes it meticulously, her brow scrunched up in concentration as she works with slow, strangely deliberate moves.

It’s only after a minute or so that Bucky really sees what she’s trying to do; and by then, her masterpiece is all but complete. The sight of it makes his heart clench with unexpected fondness.

“Daddy! Daddy, can you take a picture? I wanna show Papa, please!”

He takes one look at her hopeful little face, at the blond curls falling over her eyes, the sun-kissed freckles already crowding the bridge of her nose so early in the summer, and there’s no way in hell he’d ever even dream of saying no.

“’Course, baby,” he says, reaching for his phone with no further ado.

“Show me what?” Steve pipes up, twisting his neck to try and peek over his shoulder. “What’re you guys doing back there?”

“Nuh-uh,” Bucky tuts, pushing Steve’s head back down to rest atop his crossed arms, “you stay put for a second, doll. Can’t ruin this shot. Alright, here we go.” The camera clicks softly, once. “Hm. Nope.” Twice. “Eh– almost.” Thrice. “Ha! There. Perfect.”

He helps Sarah down from her perch on Steve’s back, very, very careful not to smudge her precious work, then hands her the smartphone. “Go ahead, baby, show Papa what a good job you did.”

In her eagerness, Sarah all but shoves the phone right in Steve’s face, with a squeal of “Pa! Look, look!”, watching him expectantly.

It’s there, on the screen, that Steve finally gets to see it. A message just for him, spanning almost his entire back, spelling, in Sarah’s wonky six-year-old handwriting, “I LOVE YOU PA ♥”, big squiggly heart included.

Steve doesn’t breathe for three whole seconds; and when he starts again, it’s with a soft, awestruck, “Oh.”

And it might be the stark light, or the warm breeze, or the scent of ocean salt in the air, but when he props himself up on his elbows to look at their daughter, his eyes have a familiar, watery shine to them. One of his strong arms wraps around Sarah’s middle and pulls her in, and he plants a kiss on her forehead, smiling all the while. “Love you too, munchkin. It’s beautiful, thank you so much.”

“Yah!”

Satisfied with the feedback, Sarah can finally run off to fulfill her destiny as a pocket-size sand monster. Steve gazes adoringly after her, then lifts his big, gleaming puppy eyes on Bucky, looking about as lovestruck as Bucky’s ever seen him in the last ninety-five years or so.

“Buck,” he says, soft and just, just on the cusp of choked up. How anyone ever thought they could teach this guy not to wear his heart on his sleeve, Bucky’ll never understand.

“Yeah, big guy. I know. I know,” he soothes, hovering close to place a sympathetic kiss on the swell of Steve’s bicep. “Listen, I’m gonna ask a dumb question here.”

Steve blinks up at him, curious.

“Do you maybe want me to fix your back for you, so you don’t actually burn to a crisp?”

And see, the truth is, he already knows the answer. He knows it with even greater certainty when Steve sinks his face in the crook of his own elbow, half laughing, half groaning, and a hundred percent utterly defeated.

Of course not. Of course he’s gonna lie directly in the nearest sunbeam, and let himself bake there until the words are branded onto his skin, pale white on Barbie-box pink, no matter how short-lived they’ll be.

“Yep. Called it.” He gives Steve’s bicep a gentle pat-pat, knowing that in about ten hours, even that will make Steve hiss with unrepentant, self-inflicted pain - and possibly loving him just that wee bit more for this tiniest of derring-do’s. “I’ll make sure to grab some more aloe on our way home.”

[wafel1160]

Chapter 2 of my Catday fic, “stay with me”

Chapter 1, 2, 3,

Catnap’s ears drop and his breath hitched.

His dog was injured. “Catnap! You’re alright” Dogday says exhausted. He tries to climb onto the table Catnap was on, but Catnap stopped him.

“I’m okay!” Dogday says reassuringly.

The scientist stops Dogday from trying to reach his friend any further.

“It’s best if you refrain from any sudden movement. “ The scientist told Dogday.

“1188- I mean, Catnap. He will stay here, he needs a bit of healing, just as you do.”

The woman that argued with him earlier looked down at Dogday. She looked annoyed- or tired.

The silence was broken by the growl that came from Catnap. A furious expression on his face as he realized he would be separated from Dogday.

In fear of Catnap attacking again, the man picked up Dogday and placed him on the table.

“It’s okay, we won’t be separating you. “ he said reassuringly. “For long” He said under his breath. Catnap only glared at him as he squeezed Dogday into a hug. They both left but they would still see them through the glass.

Dogday hugged back. “Are you going to be okay?” Catnap blinked, stunned with the question. They stayed in uncomfortable silence, until Catnap muttered. “I…hurt you” Catnap’s voice was getting softer, as if he would hurt Dogday even more. He looked at his paw, then back at Dogday’s bandages.

“It’s fine. It’ll heal. “ Catnap closed his eyes, feeling guilt take over him. “Don’t worry! I know you- didn’t mean it. ” Dogday gave Catnap a gentle smile. Catnap hugged Dogday, wanting to stay with him forever.

“I have to go now” Dogday broke out of the hug. Catnap frowned in annoyance. Dogday laughed at Catnap’s expression. “It’s okay kitty. I’ll see you tomorrow. “ Catnap smiled slightly at the nickname. Dogday got down from the table only to speak again. “I almost forgot to tell you!”

Catnap’s ears perked in interest as he looked down at Dogday.

“I saw papers for new critters! I hope they’re nice” Dogday said as he left the room. “See you later!”

Catnap didn’t know how to feel. He didn’t want anymore friends, just Dogday. But based on what the humans were saying earlier, it probably wouldn’t even happen. Catnap thought as he drifted back to sleep.

* * *

“Catnap! Catnap!” The sleepy kitty woke up to an ecstatic dog. His tail was wagging as he has a huge grin on his face. It was a few weeks after the initial presentation. The concept of their show was then picked up and turned into a reality.

“What?” Catnap said before he was dragged away by the happy dog.

“Look! our new friends are here!” They were in front of a window. It was planned for new characters to be in the show, but Catnap still felt his heart sink.

A woman walked out. She laughed as she saw Dogday’s face practically squished onto the window.

“You can see them now, just don’t be too loud. “

She said as she opened the door.

“Okayokayokay” Dogday said as he ran straight towards the door.

Catnap looked up to the lady. “You can come too” she said hesitantly.

Catnap slowly walked into the doorway.

He peaked around the corner to see a rabbit and chicken.

They were all jumping around and playing.

They were all getting along. The woman sighed before she closed the door. Catnap, now fully inside, slowly crept towards Dogday.

“Hey Catnap!” Dogday said while jumping with the green rabbit.

“Look you guys!” The two animals stopped playing and stared at Catnap. Their smiles twitching.

“This is Catnap! He’s my friend, and will be yours too!” Dogday said as he took Catnap’s paw and took the rabbit’s paw. He then put them together so they could shake hands.

“H-hello Catnap. “ The rabbit said, almost as if she was afraid of him.

“My name is Hoppy- Hoppy hopscotch! Over there is Kickin Chicken.” She said.

Kickin stayed his distance, but he spoke up.

“You’re not going to get all angry right?” He said.

Dogday quickly went to stop the potential issue. “Nonono! Catnap is really nice- he doesn’t mean to hurt anyone. “ Dogday said.

“Is that why you have a scar on your stomach?” Hoppy asked.

Dogday’s ears twitched. “Well- it’s not

his fault. “ He said, trying to cover the fading scars. Dogday turned his head to see what the cat was feeling. “..Catnap?” Catnap was frozen, looking at the floor with a blank expression.

The other two went silent in fear.

“Um, maybe we’ll just have to go. “ Dogday said, taking Catnap’s hand.

Catnap didn’t say a word.

The other two just stared as they left.

The woman from earlier bent down to Dogday, and the still, silent catnap.

“Good boy” She said petting Dogday’s head.

“Alrighty then,” She grabbed Catnap. “What’s going to happen to him?” Dogday quickly followed along.

“The doctors are going to check on him. “ she stated flatly, like it had been rehearsed.

“How-“

“No need to worry.” Their doctor said.

“You won’t be separated anymore. “ A chill ran down Dogday’s spine at the man’s tone.

Dogday’s whimpers echoed in the studio.

The doctor put on a gas mask and took a syringe from the small tool table.

[cheerycherrycandy-resurrected]

Ghoulette Appreciation Week 3

Week 3: First Ritual & Lazy Sunday

Crashing in last minute and more unedited than ever with this (I mean it's week 4 where I am, but it's still the 20th somewhere lol) after a hectic week!

Aurora's first Ritual, and the last lazy Sunday at the Abbey before it. “Break a leg!” Cumulus whispered in Aurora’s ear, as the pair walked on-stage. Aurora caught Cirrus giving her an exaggerated thumbs-up from the opposite side of the stage. She took a deep, breath from her podium. She loved music, she loved singing, the congregation were going to love her.

Yes I googled the first day of reimperatour to make this accurate, what about it?

Rating: General Content: literally just pack-bonding fluff Words: 1004

Read below now! AO3 link to follow tomorrow, I'm not fighting with their upload page at 2am!

“Break a leg!” Cumulus whispered in Aurora’s ear, as the pair walked on-stage. Aurora caught Cirrus giving her an exaggerated thumbs-up from the opposite side of the stage. She took a deep breath as she stepped up to her podium, and grinned widely behind her mask. I deserve to be here. Let’s do this!

The sun rose and gradually peered into the windows of the Abbey, illuminating everything it touched with a golden glow. Few were actually awake to see this, the ghouls all curled up in their nests and enjoying their last few hours of peace. A week from now, they would be preparing for their first ritual of the new tour and sleep would be a luxury, a lie-in a miracle.

Aurora was an exception. Not normally an early-riser, by anyone’s definition, she’d awoken long before the other ghoulettes curled around her. She was nervous: worried about being away from the place she now called home, anxious about giving a good performance, scared of the congregation’s reaction to her. She knew how loved Sunshine was, and was desperate to live up to her reputation.  The ghoulettes, Sunshine included, had all told her how she needn’t worry, she was going to be perfect, but all the same she was nervous. She knew Phantom felt the same way too, stepping into Aether’s shoes.

And so, she lay awake. Trying to follow the steady breathing of the ghoulettes around her, despite her pounding heart, and Cumulus’ hair that was tickling her nose and threatening to make her sneeze.

Eventually, the others began to stir. No one had any plans for the day, it was to be their last officially sanctioned day off in many months. As the tangle of limbs moved around Aurora, she extricated herself from the pile, and made her escape. She trudged down the hall to the kitchen, deciding to bring coffee back to her packmates.

Entering the kitchen, she discovered she was not the only ghoul awake. Perched on the island counter was Phantom, a small frown creasing between their eyebrows. Swiss stood nearby, already coaxing the ancient coffee machine into life.

“Morning Ror.” Phantom smiled at her, but it didn’t reach their eyes.

“Hey Ant.” Aurora hopped up next to them, shuffling close enough to bump shoulders. “You got the jitters too?”

Phantom sighed slightly, before leaning into her side.

“A bit. Big shoes to fill, y’know?”

“Yeah!” Swiss chirped as he turned around with Phantom’s coffee “Aeth’s giant clown feet!”

Both the smaller ghouls giggled slightly, and Swiss beamed at the admittedly mediocre response.

“What’s your plan for today then, Rory? Last lazy day we’ll get in a while.” asked Swiss.

“I hadn’t really thought of anything, besides bringing the girls coffee in bed.” Aurora hummed thoughtfully.

“I promised Ant a picnic by the lake, you could join us? ‘M gonna bring the guitar, thought we could make some music without the pressure of rituals and rehearsals before that becomes our lives. With the touring I need to remind myself it’s fun sometimes, y’know?”

“That sounds really nice actually, I’d love to!” Aurora loved spending time by the lake, her water element calling to it. Phantom trilled happily next to her.

“I’ll let the others know where I’ll be, it’ll be good for Sunny to have Lus and Riri to herself for the day.” Aurora knew how much Sunshine would appreciate that, she was definitely more anxious about her closest packmates going away for so long than she was letting on.

A short while later, the three ghouls sat soaking in the springtime sun, keeping the worse of the damp from the grass at bay with a blanket. The gentle sounds of water lapping at the edge of the lake accompanied the soft music from the guitar Phantom was now playing. Aurora and Swiss hummed along, singing songs from their family groups in the pit, songs they’d heard on the radio topside, just harmonising together.

The sun moved overhead, gently warming them until their shadows grew long, and it could no longer compete with the late-afternoon chill. Rory headed back inside to find the rest of the ghoulettes. She found them where she left them, curled up in the nest and apparently asleep. It had been tidied, so they had clearly moved at some point.

Aurora moved to join them, kicking off her shoes and clambering into the pile of limbs.

“Hello little songbird, have a good day?” murmured Cirrus, twining her tail around Aurora’s calf.

“Yes, really nice.” Aurora sunk deeper into the purrs of her packmates, joining in with a high rumbling noise of her own. “Was good to relax a bit before we leave.”

“How are you feeling about tour?”

“Alright, I think. It’ll be great to see the world, meet our congregation…”

“…but?”

“I’m a little anxious about living up to Sunny, I guess.”

Cirrus puller her closely to her chest “I don’t think you have to worry, sweetie, you’re going to be fantastic I just know it!”

A week later, Aurora remembered her words as she took a deep, calming breath from her podium. She loved music, she loved singing, the congregation were going to love her.

The lights went up, the music blared, and Aurora sang and danced like everyone’s eyes were on her. Twirling her cape, stomping her feet, she felt every beat of the music resonate with her heartbeat, and fed off the infectious energy of the crowd.

All too soon the ritual was over. Moving to the front of the stage, she almost list her footing as Cirrus and Cumulus crushed her in a hug.

“You did so well!” Cumulus squealed, also riding high off a good performance. Across the stage, Aurora could see a similar interaction happening between Swiss and Phantom, both of the new ghouls vibrating with excitement and adrenaline.

She moved forward with Cirrus and Cumulus to interact with the audience, all of them waving at her and cheering. Maybe she didn’t need to worry after all.

[bridgyrose]

Great stories as always! Now for my next prompt request:

Oscar tells the gang about a cousin that used to visit him regularly. The gang later finds out that said cousin was in fact, Amber.

(I'm pretty sure Jaune is the only one, so lets have some angst with this.)

“All of this maiden and magic business reminds me of a cousin of mine,” Oscar said as he swung Ozpin’s cane at the target in front of him. “Though I stopped hearing from her after classes started.” 

Jaune paused for a moment as she watched Oscar start to slow down with his training. “What was she like?” 

“She was nice, a few years older than me, always traveled around after becoming a huntress. When she’d stop by the farm, it was a nice change of pace to watch her do some small tricks with her semblance. Usually small things like using fire or ice to create images in the air, levitating with the wind, just some fun parlor tricks.” 

“Sounds like she’s a pretty interesting person,” Ruby said as she folded up her scythe. “What was her name?” 

“Amber.” 

Jaune froze mid swing of his sword as he heard the name as it almost echoed in his mind. All it brought back were memories of following Pyrrha down into the depths of Beacon Tower with Ozpin, Qrow, and professor Goodwitch, seeing Amber in the aura transfer machine and Pyrrha agree to get in without any further questions. He was pulled out of his thoughts as he felt Nora slam her hammer into him, knocking him into one of the walls of the Atlas training room. He winced as he picked himself up, aura starting to flicker. 

“Jaune, are you okay?” Nora asked as she offered a hand to him. 

“I’m fine,” Jaune said as he took Nora’s hand, glancing at his scroll on his wrist and watching his aura start to recharge. “Guess I got a bit distracted.” 

“Maybe that’s enough training then,” Ren said. “Its been a long day for us and it’ll be even longer tomorrow with all the missions we have to run through.” 

Jaune nodded as he half listened to Oscar tell Ruby and Blake about Amber, Ruby practically hanging on to every word that was said as if she was listening to one of her favorite fairy tales. Not that he blamed her, the way Oscar talked about Amber was almost as if she was a fairy tale herself, using the elements with her semblance as easily as Nora was able to charge with lightning or how Ruby was able to use hers to maneuver through crowds.Though the longer he listened, the more he realized that he was the only one that really that Amber was the previous fall maiden. When Ozpin and Qrow talked about the maidens before, they were always careful to leave out names of who they were, even Fria’s name took time to get from Qrow and Ironwood while she was being protected by Atlas. 

But that wasnt what bothered him. No, what really bothered him were the memories he thought he was over. The last few memories he had of Pyrrha, his partner and friend, a woman he didnt even realize that he loved until she was gone. All because she was given the illusion of a choice that played at her emotions. 

“I do hope she’s okay,” Oscar continued as he neared the end of his story about Amber. “The only time she ever got this quiet was when she was sick, and even then it was only a few weeks of silence. Now, its been almost a year.” 

Jaune sighed quietly as he sheathed his sword into his shield. “Its because she was killed by Cinder.” 

Everyone went quiet as they heard Jaune speak, his words speaking louder than what he had. Minutes passed while everyone let the revelation sink into them, only the sounds of weapons being folded up and sheathed. Finally, Oscar broke the silence. “You… you knew her?” 

“I… I didnt know her, but I saw her.” Jaune folded his shield and put it onto his hip, looking around at everyone as they watched him. He sat down and pulled out his scroll, smiling at a small picture of Pyrrha that he kept as a tear rolled down his cheek. “When I saw her, she was half dead. Put into the same aura transfer machine that Fria’s in, scarring along her face. My partner, Pyrrha, she… she was chosen to be the next fall maiden by Ozpin. But instead of letting things happen naturally, they wanted to transfer what was left of Amber’s powers and soul to Pyrrha using the transfer machine.” 

“I-I didnt know she was a maiden,” Oscar said as he sat down next to Jaune. “Then what happened?” 

Jaune wiped a few tears from his eyes and put his scroll away. “She was killed. Pyrrha went into the machine, they started the transfer, and then Cinder shot an arrow into her heart and stole the rest of the maiden powers from her.” He took a breath and looked down at his hand, not realizing how much he’d been shaking after he started to talk. “I… I ended up losing Pyrrha that same day. She went after Cinder, and I know she didnt think she was going to survive, but she did what any huntress was supposed to do. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.” 

Oscar nodded and stood up, voice shaking as he spoke. “I-I… I need to go.” 

“You sure know how to kill the mood, dontcha?” Yang joked as she lightly hit Jaune’s shoulder. 

Jaune didnt answer, getting up and following after Oscar. It hadnt been his intent to upset him, but the old memories had boiled back up to the surface and he couldnt hold it back. He nearly flinched as he heard the dorm room door slam shut, pausing in front of it before knocking. “May… may I come in?” 

“Sure,” Oscar answered through the door. 

Jaune slowly walked into the dorm and quietly closed the door behind him. He sat down next to Oscar and sighed. “I’m sorry. I didnt mean to hurt you-” 

“It wasnt you.” Oscar took a breath and laid down on his bed. “After I heard Beacon fell, I had already assumed the worst when I didnt hear back from her. And as the months went by, I figured that maybe by following what Ozpin wanted, finding you guys and helping stop Salem, I could find her again. I… I didnt want her to be gone.” 

“She’s not completely gone.” Jaune moved a bit closer to Oscar and placed his hand on his. “A friend told me that even though someone’s dead, it doest mean they’re gone. Amber’s spirit will always be with you no matter where you go.” 

Oscar wiped a few tears. “T-that does make me feel better.” 

Jaune smiled a bit and got up. “Take some time, let it out, and then tonight we can go out and find something to do. Maybe get some ice cream or something.” 

“That… that does sound good.” 

“You’re like a brother to me. And I want to make sure you’re taken care of too.” 

“Thank you.” 

Jaune walked out the dorm, closing the door behind him and pausing when he heard Oscar start to cry. He stayed outside the dorm for what felt like minutes before walking away, pulling out his scroll and starting to plan out a night around town and re-arranging the missions he took for the next day to make sure he could stay close to Oscar. Oscar needed someone and he was planning to be the best big brother he could be for him. 

[shatterthefragments]

FUCK I AAID ID TRY TO TAKE MY BREAK TOMORROW EARLIER SO I COULD ATTEND A zoom COMMITTEE MEETINH 😭

I could use the extra money (especially with at least one more concert… at least one is potentially local and I can just drive there) but I also semi rely on that mid workday tumblr scrolling to get me through it rn. (Guess we’ll see if I can even leave when I want. It was an hour later than I wanted today)

Like the two girls who work sometimes together there. Like. It’s been at least a month or so now I think. Probably 3 months bc of the training benchmark thing that they had to do today instead of working. Straight up if I didn’t have a second person in I would’ve fully just broken down today. But uh. They still fully need to do a full day to shadow a clerk and then a full day where they’re supervised. I am not trained as a clerk. I am serving as their knowledge to do their jobs. I used to feel ambivalent towards my birth name but I hate it right now. The “xx” before I need to leave everything and go help them. Just fills me with dread.

And I’m okay with a bit of a language barrier -they can still communicate. But they shouldn’t necessarily need to ask me everything still. I am positive they can check a deck for a box labeled “waffles” without me needing to hold their hand through it. And they shouldn’t need me to Leave My Task to come help them ESPECIALLY when I’m with someone else (the customer complained about me :P and the store manager let me know after he left. Anyway if I have to do the “add it to the list of things to do for sure” that I’m writing in OT and that he said I should do it before I leave bc fuck even today I ended up staying late)

ALSO fuck customers who only want stuff fresh from this very day or fresh from the freezer and DONT PUT A SPECIAL ORDER IN and just request it whenever they come in. Every time. (Sometimes. The answer is no. I don’t have it cut up and available)

Would it help if I cried in front of you when I tell you that I don’t have any available right now?

Torn between catharsis and FUCK if I’m going to cry (at least mostly) because of work then I should at least be paid for it.

…I haven’t cried at (this) work since the last time I was yelled at by a coworker. (All previous times crying at this workplace were because she yelled at me) (I was almost crying. I almost went into the Cooler to have a cry)

Not to make light of it all but I’m like. One more bad Monday with those two away from a hospital stay. (I can’t bc the hospitals here are famously bad for mental health) (I have an appt and a meeting after next week’s Monday)

But like. Can’t sully any of my crafting and leather knives. (They’re very nice and I want to collect more - prettier too would be nice) but seeing the knives at work and knowing they’re freshly sharpened. It’s just. WILL YOU HEAR ME NOW?! I am screaming. I admitted OUT LOUD that I am struggling on Mondays right now. Can’t have any more wounds to heal. I have to keep my skin unbroken so I can get more tattoos. It’ll be so much harder to stop if I start. Bc the URGENCY in the urge is so fucking strong. It didn’t help when I did last but maybe it would now hit I can’t I can’t I can’t

And I’ll be really sad if what I suspect are a TON of new moles (…or maybe freckles??) are cancerous 1) I hate checking them I can’t remember and I don’t have the organization to photograph and monitor each one 2) I’d have to get the tattoos I booked somewhere else and I’m not sure if I’d go for my upper left arm or my upper front thigh area. (If you’re actually reading this I am taking input on this in case) 3) I don’t want cancer, and it would break my parents’ hearts 4) I don’t want to die (despite the Desperation telling me I do)

Im splintering. Im fragmented. And I KNOW that a large part of it is how tired and exhausted I’ve been. I AM going to bed relatively soon.

I want to get high and forget

Weed’s legal it’s probably fine

(Im still paranoid it’ll cause a psychotic break and I’m already so frequently disconnected dissociated and in such a state of unreality it’s terrifying to me. Because when they taught us about psychosis I related very heavily to a lot of it and I’m scared to admit it. I think I’m okay. It would’ve been a lot to be 15+ years deep so far and nobody noticing nobody being concerned I think I’m okay I just need to get back on the ocean. It will heal me.)

I want to not be in pain

I want to externalize some of it

I want SOME FUCKING HELP. (If I just ask I could. Allegedly. Get a referral and coverage for some therapy) but I’m okay I always am. I’ve survived 100% of my worst days and all that :P but uh. A clerk to help those two ACTUALLY FUCKING LEARN (as if they’d listen) would be Huge.

(But if I were to do edibles with a friend I trust her. I trust she’d know what to do.)

Fuck I don’t even feel like sadsturbating. I mean (I don’t like to use lube so) I already sorta went too long the other day(s) and bled a little so I shouldn’t anyway.

1000% down for someone to knead my ass until it bruises while we snuggle though.

…I just ran my retainer cleaner without my retainer inside of it… and then forgot to put it in. It’s in now. I flossed while it actually got cleaned. Which is good. But fuuuck.

“Diagnosed with a sinus infection” with Covid symptoms… I don’t want her to come back to work tomorrow (I would rather be down a person),,,

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Since I’ve Been Loving You

Summary: A few months after helping the reader get out of an abusive relationship, Dean and she are ready to shift their relationship to more than being just friends. But when Dean goes missing and the reader is forced to leave him in a moment of need to get help, it’ll send them down a path exploring Dean’s past neither one of them could have seen coming...

Pairing: Cop!Dean x Cop!reader

Word Count: 18,000ish

Warnings: language, kidnapping, injuries, past abusive partner, murder, whole lot of creepiness

A/N: Hi there! If the title and first few scenes of this story seem familiar, you’re not wrong! I originally wrote this story way back in 2017 and at the time felt it was too “dark” to share, hence why I only used the first bit as part of a collab experiment (which can be found here). However it’s been awhile and I’m a lot more confident with what I share (and to be honest, I’ve put out worse stuff than this). Rather than letting it sit in my drafts forever, I’ve decided to share the original story I wrote myself! Enjoy! Also shoutout to @campingmonkey​ for reading some of my stuff I considered not fit for posting and encouraging me to put it out there!

_______

“I’m home,” you said, smelling something tasty from the kitchen. You kicked off your boots and wandered into into the back of the house where Dean was stirring a pot, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. “Dude, you’re not on dinner duty tonight.”

“How was work?” asked Dean, stifling a sniffle as he spun around a ladle in the stew he’d put on.

“Fine. You’re supposed to be resting Winchester,” you said, bumping him to go sit down. “I told you last night-”

“I’m relieved of my chores this week, I know,” he said, pulling the blanket tighter. “I’m lucky I’ve got such a nice roommate.”

“You’re the one that let me stay here after Redge,” you said. “I really should be making you dinner every night after everything.”

“No, that’s not how it works around here. We’re a team and besides, you’re awful at washing the cars,” he said, a tired smirk on his face. “How was work?”

“Redge was an ass but he’s always been that way. You get some sleep today? Go to the doctor like I told you?” you asked, Dean rolling his eyes at you. You crossed your arms and huffed. “Go tomorrow. I don’t want to have to drive you to a hospital over the weekend.”

“It’s a cold, Y/N,” he said. You dished up a bowl for him and yourself, not expecting him to eat much but he was still grumpy when you sat across from him. “I’m fine.”

“Alright, don’t bite my head off because I care about you,” you said, standing and grabbing him a glass of water. “Need anything?”

“No. Thanks,” he said, starting to pick at his food. You ate in silence apart from Dean coughing or sneezing a few times. He shifted in his seat more than once and you knew he was going to ask about work again. “You okay, Y/N? You’re never this quiet during dinner.”

“I got partnered with Redge today. I wasn’t a fan,” you said, playing with a carrot to avoid seeing Dean’s face. “I got used to working with you and being around Redge all day like that again with you not there just…I don’t know. I told chief I want to work with someone different tomorrow.”

“He still thinks you and Redge just had a bad break up, huh?” asked Dean. “It’s not like you tried to tell them about what he used to do when no one was around or anything. Although I guess it would look pretty bad to have the chief arrest one of his own.”

“Like I said, I owe you for getting me out of that,” you said, Dean shaking his head. “Still not biting on that offer yet?”

“You’re happy and safe, that’s all I could ever want from you,” said Dean, putting his spoon down, about half of his bowl left.

“You want to go up to bed or watch some TV with me for a while?” you asked, Dean nodding towards the family room. You cleaned up and shook off his offers to help, coming into the living room to find him curled up on the couch, his blanket still all around him.

“How you holding up?” you asked, taking a spot at the end of the couch, throwing your feet up on the ottoman. You put a pillow down so Dean could rest his head against your leg comfortably in case he decided to go to sleep. You put a hand on his forehead and saw him curl into the touch.

“S’just a cold,” he said, turning on the TV. You ran your fingers through his hair, knowing on the rare occasion Dean was up for a cuddle, he liked to have it played with. But even in those moments where he let his walls down all the way, he didn’t talk about certain things. He barely spoke of when he was little. You knew his parents got divorced when he wasn’t very old and that he felt like it was his fault just from the way he talked but that’s who Dean was. A hard man that could be softer and sweeter than any you’d ever met.

“I think I’m ready,” you said, Dean humming before turning his head up to yours.

“Ready for what?” he asked, giving you a sleepy smile.

“It’s been almost four months since I left Redge. You got me back to normal again, feeling safe and strong and like I have a home here with my friend. But I’m ready to try something new if you get what I’m saying,” you said, Dean’s face turning sad.

“You want to move out? Did I do something wrong?” he asked. You shook your head and gave him a smile. “Was it because I told you I liked you back-”

“Dean, I like you too is what I’m trying to say. As in, I’m ready to try dating again…try dating you,” you said, ruffling his head. “We’ve been flirting for weeks. Want to actually give this a go?”

“Why would you ever want to date me?” he asked. God, he could be thick-headed sometimes.

“I like your sense of humor, your kindness, the way you help people. You got some comfy flannels too,” you said, Dean’s face softening. “I like you Dean.”

“Want to go on a date when I’m feeling better?” he asked. You nodded and bent down to give him a kiss on the cheek, Dean pushing you away. “I don’t want you to get sick too.”

“It’s just a cold I’ve been told,” you said, Dean laughing before pulling one of his arms free of his blanket and reaching over to hold yours. “I love when you’re all cuddly.”

“As your new boyfriend I’m going to start getting very cuddly,” he teased, letting out a big stretch and a yawn. “On second thought…”

“Bedtime?” you asked, helping him up. “You need anything come get me. I’ll be quiet and let you sleep in. There’s leftover stew in the fridge but I’ll come home at lunch and make you something to eat.”

“I’m a grown man, I can make myself lunch,” he said, standing up as you grabbed his blanket for him. “I should really go to work.”

“You’ve got a ton of sick time built up. Take the day off and recover,” you said, patting him on the back as you got him upstairs.

“Night,” he said once you got him tucked into bed.

“Night Dean. See you at lunch.”

“Dean, I’m home,” you said, tossing your keys on the front table, expecting to find him in front of the TV but instead he was nowhere in sight. “Dean, I got hot soup and fresh bread from that place with the pies.”

The house was quiet and you sat the food down on the table, hoping he was passed out in bed. When you got up there the sheets were messy but his blanket was still there which struck you as odd. He hadn’t gone anywhere without it for two days, almost childlike with the way he carried it around.

His phone was near the bed and it wasn’t until you’d wandered around the house twice before you called Sam.

“Is Dean with you?” you asked, hoping for some odd reason Sam decided to drop by town this week and hang out with his brother.

“Hey, Y/N. No, I haven’t heard from Dean since the beginning of the week. What’s up?” he asked.

“Nothing, he’s just not home. He’s been sick and I thought maybe you took him to the doctor since Baby’s still here. Maybe he got a ride from someone else,” you said, stuffing lunch in the fridge and heading back outside.

“He didn’t leave a note? That’s not like him,” said Sam, his voice concerned now. 

“Yeah. He probably got a neighbor or something to do it,” you said, Sam obviously hearing the worry in your own.

“Give me a call when you find him,” he said. “I’d appreciate it.”

“Will do Sammy,” you said, hanging up.

When the sun was starting to set though as you were leaving the station hours and hours later, you were starting to go out of your mind that no one had seen or heard from Dean since you checked on him before going to work. Your one thought was it had to have been Redge. Who else but your ex would want to screw over the guy that gave you the courage to leave in the first place?

So that’s when you started to think like him, think of the places Redge used to take the two of you, when things got too messy for home. It was another hour before you were parking your car and slipping out of it, a backpack on your shoulders and the satellite phone you’d stolen from Dean’s camping gear in your coat pocket.

It was dark and the terrain was a bit dangerous and it had decided to storm out, making it almost impossible to see. You went in the woods a short ways on the path before veering off, heading west and deciding you weren’t stopping until you were forced to. After an hour you saw the abandoned ranger’s station and broke inside, taking a short reprieve from the weather. You were gazing at a map when you nearly slipped, the floor wet from your boots but you spotted a patch of dried blood on the ground that made your stomach churn. You looked back at a map and saw that there were a pair of mines about five miles out.

“Please tell me I’m overreacting,” you said, heading back out, eventually coming across the boarded up mine, a plank missing that was big enough to get even Dean and Redge through. “Overreacting is all. Just overreacting.”

You aimed your flashlight inside and saw nothing at first glance, then a pair of ruts in the ground where someone had been dragged. You shuddered and followed it down the mine, eventually turning right and left, your flashlight falling on a bare foot and then up to the slouched over man it belonged to.

“Dean,” you said, rushing over, shoving against him as you spotted the dried blood on his stomach, the dark patch and belt around his leg. A flannel that wasn’t his was balled up against it, his own shirt held in place over his bare stomach by his crossed arms. He didn’t even look alive. “Dean,” you said shaking him again, his skin sweaty and icy cold. “Dean.”

You heard a faint grumble that was music to your ears as you shook him again, getting a louder one this time.

“Back for more?” he asked, fluttering open his eyes, watching them go wide at the sight of you. “What are you…”

“I’m going to get you out of here, okay? Then I’m going to kick Redge’s ass,” you said, figuring out what he needed first.

“Wasn’t him. Bad guy,” mumbled Dean with a sniffle, trying to go back to sleep.

“No, you got to stay awake babe,” you said, grabbing your water from your pack and lifting it to his lips, Dean sucking it down fast. You tossed a space blanket you had over him and he looked like he wanted to cry. You put a hand on his forehead and it was burning up. “Shit, you’re worse.”

“S’just a cold,” he said, getting some sense back. “You got to go. Go away before he comes back.”

“Redge can’t hurt you anymore, Dean, I’m going to-”

“Not Redge, someone else,” said Dean with a shudder. “You think I’d be fucking scared of that pile of crap?”

“Dean what’s…” you said, Dean nodding his head and shoving the bottle and blanket back in your bag. “Dean, no.”

“He’s coming back,” whispered Dean. “Go hide and then get out. Don’t come back.”

“Dean,” you said, his hands using most of his strength to give you a light shove. 

“Please, do what I said,” said Dean quietly, your bag shoved in your arms as you spotted a flashlight down a different tunnel. “Please.”

It hurt to leave him but the look on Dean’s face made you do as asked. You took off and hid around a different corner a ways down, listening as footsteps walked towards Dean and stopped.

“Screw you,” you heard Dean say before he started to mumble and then take a big choking gasp of air. “What’d you just give me?”

“Medicine. You’re welcome,” said the voice, definitely not Redge and not one you recognized. “You going to behave this time?”

“Give me back my gun and we’ll-” Dean said before it sounded like something smacked him in the face.

“I stitched you up and everything. Couldn’t have let my new toy bleed out,” said the person, a man, his voice deep and harsh.

“I am not your new toy,” said Dean, spitting blood out of his mouth from the sound of it and coughing up a storm before breathing raggedly.

“No, you’re right. You’re my old one, aren’t you Dean?” said the man, Dean hissing as you tried to make out what he was doing. “Took a long time to find you, boy. Too bad Daddy’s not around anymore to come and save you.”

“Well I’m flattered but why don’t-” said Dean before you heard his head hit against the rough wall, a tiny whimper of pain coming out of Dean.

“Just as mouthy as you were back then. You don’t even remember me,” said the man.

“No but my dad sure as hell told me what happened when I was old enough. You took me right off the front porch, psycho,” said Dean. “You’re the reason they-”

“Your mom had a nice right hook,” the man said, Dean sucking in a gasp as he grunted. “Too bad she ain’t around anymore either. Been waiting a long time for this.”

“For what you freak?” asked Dean weakly, his mouth mumbling again as he huffed.

“It’s duct tape you big baby,” he said, Dean grunting more now as you heard him struggle, breathing in hard. “God, you’re going to take some breaking in.”

Whatever was going on, you knew that you needed backup and that you’d beat yourself up about not bringing your gun with you later. You got out of there as quietly as you could and radio’d the station, keeping an eye on the entrance as you hid. But neither one of them ever came out.

You stayed there for another hour or so, the rest of the station showing up finally, the chief waving you over to talk when they came out of the mine empty handed.

“What-”

“The mine is empty. There’s multiple ways in there. You’re sure this guy knows Dean from when he was a kid? There’s no report of anything ever happening to him,” said the chief.

“Wouldn’t be surprised if they made the whole thing up just to screw with me some more,” said Redge.

“For fucks sake, Redge, I just want you to not be an abusive dick, not go to jail for shooting and kidnapping my boyfriend,” you said, puffing out your chest. “So they’re gone? Dean’s just gone and we have no idea where he is? He’s hurt and sick and-”

“How did you find him?” asked the chief. “This isn’t exactly my first thought for a search.”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe Redge would like to share how I know about secluded places where people can hurt other people?” you said, crossing your arms at him.

“If she thought…I took Dean she would have gone to the old ranger’s station,” said Redge, kicking his boot on the ground. “Probably saw a map and figured if he wasn’t there he had a shot at being in the mines.”

“You two need to work on whatever issues you’ve got,” said the chief, giving you a hard glare.

“Can we focus on Dean? They can’t have gone far right?” you asked.

“Let’s hope not.”

“Coffee?” asked Redge, poking his head into the conference room you were using as a base in your search for Dean. You shook your head, holding up your cup. “How’s it going today?”

“Redge, don’t pretend to play nice,” you said, looking back over your shoulder. “We both know you don’t give two shits about Dean.”

“He’s a cop. We got each other’s backs and all that...whatever,” he said with a shrug, trying to take a step in the room before catching your glare. “You too, I mean if you ever need a friend, shoulder to cry on you can always-”

“He’s only been missing two weeks and you already think I’m just going to come crawling into your arms? Get lost,” you said. “You aren’t even working this case.”

“Okay, I’ll just go do my job and Dean’s then,” he said, slapping the door frame hard on the way out. 

Another week went by of nothing and then another and another. After missing for two months and Sam coming to stay with you to help out, the case officially went cold.

Another month and Sam had to leave town a few days, tidy up some things at home before officially making the move there but he swore he’d be back as soon as he could.

The chief told you to take a few days off and give yourself a break. You took the excuse with Sam gone to get out of town yourself, drive and drive until you were exhausted and crashing at some cheap motel a few states over. You’d spent the day in a bar and your head in a bottle and tried to forget about how he had saved you way back when and you couldn’t do it back.

“Another one,” you heard a guy farther down the bar say, your head whipping up. You didn’t stare as you heard him flirt with the bartender. He sounded like the man from the mines but you were drunk and couldn’t be positive. Still though, you jotted down his license plate when he finally left and got a cab back to your room. When you’d sobered up enough in your motel to figure out who it belonged to, you had a spark of an idea. The guy only had a few drunken misdemeanors but he owned a large lot of acreage with plenty of buildings on it.

The next morning you got up early and you threw on your boots and backpack, and headed out on the property. You checked every tiny ass shed, every big ass garage, every out building, every rusted old car until it was night and you were ready to curl up on the ground and go to sleep.

You only had a few more buildings though so you kept going, ready to hit the bottle of bourbon you took from Dean’s house the second you were in your room. It looked like every other shed you’d been in, pieces of junk and metal lying around. This one had a door hatch to a cellar like most of the others and the second you threw it open, you saw more of the same. You went down the steps, barely keeping your eyes open as you swung the flashlight around and your eyes went wide.

There was light down here and a sink and a tiny mattress and a whole slew of other crap that would have drawn your attention if not for the scruffy, green eyed man who was looking at you like you weren’t real.

“Dean?” you asked, watching him shake his head at you, your gaze finally looking over his body as you took in a sharp breath. “Dean it’s okay,” you said, pulling a knife out of your bag and walking over, his body backing up against the wall so fast as he sat down, giving you a hard glare. “I’m just going to cut you loose.”

“You’re a trick,” he said, looking around and you carefully took a step forward. “Don’t touch me.”

“I won’t touch you,” you said, holding up your hands. “But you want that cuff off your ankle? I have to come closer.”

“Give me the knife,” he said. You bent over and slid it to him, watching him grab hold of the thing tethering him to the back half of the room and cutting it free. He stood up and you smiled.

“Dean are you-Dean!” you yelled at him when he backed you up against the wall, holding the knife out, way too close for comfort.

“You’re drugging me again, aren’t you? This probably isn’t even real. Y/N would never be here. She just wouldn’t. You’re just making me think what I want again, aren’t you?” asked Dean, his face fuming under that beard as you tried to think of a way to calm him down. “You’re just-”

“I brought your shirt. The one you gave me that first day I moved in,” you said, slowing taking your pack off and handing it to him. He was only in the tee and pair of flannels you’d last seen him in, the clothes ratty and practically falling apart now. “The red and-”

“Black one,” said Dean quietly, giving you a long stare before backing up and ripping open the bag, the flannel right on top.

“It really helps when you’re feeling crappy,” you said, his hand holding the knife dropping it completely. He pulled the flannel out and you saw a flicker of relief on his face.

“Real?” he asked running his hand over it, looking at you and the open door behind you.

“You want to come home? We’re kind of overdue for our date,” you said, Dean giving you a head nod. He carefully put the flannel on as you pulled a pair of his sneakers out, glad you’d brought them on the off chance he didn’t have any footwear. You picked up the knife and stuffed your bag closed, Dean standing quietly in the middle of the room with his head down. “Dean?”

“What?” he asked, your hand taking hold of his, feeling so much rougher than you remembered.

“Come on,” you said, giving him a little tug so he took a step. He was okay for a minute until you got close to the stairs and you saw how pale he’d gotten, how nervous he was to walk farther than he’d been allowed to go for so long. “Nice romantic starlit walk,” you said, taking a step up, going one at a time with him as he looked around when you were in the shed.

“I don’t remember this,” he said. “I don’t remember after the mines until I woke up here.”

“We got a little walk to get to my car,” you said, stopping when the two of you stood outside and he looked up, taking a deep breath.

“Okay,” he said, spinning around happily before it all faded away. “Wait what time is it?”

“About 10, why?” you asked, hearing a truck off in the distance.

“We have to go,” said Dean, letting you take the lead as you tried to run, Dean a bit slower than you’d seen him before. “He drops off food at night.”

“It’s only a couple miles to the car,” you said, slowing to a jog so he could keep up, his hand shaking the whole damn time until you had him shoved in the passenger seat and you were driving away, calling the local cops. Dean was quiet apart from saying he was hungry and even after you swung through a drive thru fast for him, he was quiet, looking around like he didn’t quite believe everything.

By the time you’d gotten to the local hospital, a few officers were there to let you know they’d got the guy but Dean seemed more interested in arguing with the doctors.

“If he doesn’t calm down, we’re going to have to restrain him,” said the doctor, as you heard Dean yelling in his room.

“Dean,” you said, brushing inside past a group of bodies as Dean glanced around the room angrily. “Dean, none of these people are going to hurt you.”

“Tell that to the one that stabbed me with a needle,” said Dean, rubbing at his arm where his IV was and giving a nurse a glare.

“Dean. Check?” you asked, hoping he’d remember what that meant. You’d never done it on him and you honestly weren’t sure how he’d come up with the little daily check in’s after you left Redge but they’d always made you feel better that cared like that. He glanced around for a second and back down at himself in a hospital gown, all the marks on him proving life had been awful the past few months.

“Yellow,” he said quietly, willing himself to calm down. “Just tell them to stop poking me and touching me and…” he said as he looked around at the room full of people, rubbing his arms like he was trying to hold himself. “I’m sorry.”

“S’okay babe,” you said, holding his hand, nodding for the doctor to go back to whatever he was doing. Dean hissed a little when the doctor lifted up his arm.

“His shoulder is likely dislocated,” said the doctor to you. “Do you know if this is recent?”

“Dean?” you asked.

“Last week,” said Dean, ducking his head down. “I got in…trouble.”

“Let’s x-ray and see if we’ve got any nerve damage,” said the doctor to a nurse. 

“Dean, you tell the doctor and nurses what they need to know. I promise nobody’s going to hurt you. I’ll be right here when you get back, okay?” you said, Dean nodding his head as he relaxed around the people trying to treat him.

“Alright,” he said, giving your hand a squeeze before you were forced to go. “Don’t go too far.”

It took them two days before they released him, a whole slew of nutritional issues not to mention everything they warned you about. Apparently Dean was prone to sudden, potentially violent, outbursts now and your history of abuse didn’t make for a great combination.

It was fine the first night back at home with Sam helping out until you dropped the syrup on the floor after putting some on Dean’s plate.

“What are you a klutz!” shouted Dean, waving his hands everywhere. “You don’t drop things, got it?”

“Dean,” said Sam, watching his brother carefully. “That’s Y/N. She’s not going to hurt you for not making your room spotless.”

“I used to get hurt,” said Dean glaring down at you as you wiped up the little bit that had actually spilled on the floor.

“So did Y/N. You got to let us help you,” said Sam, guilt washing over Dean’s face as he realized he’d snapped.

“I’m as bad as Redge,” said Dean, running a hand over his face before bending down to help clean up, even if you were finished.

“Check?” you asked Dean, his head shaking. “Check?”

“Orange,” he said, glancing at his lap.

“Why are you orange, Dean?” you asked, running a hand over his head, Dean seeming to be most responsive to soft touches like that lately.

“I yelled at you for no reason and what happened with me is no excuse for treating you like that,” he said.

“Okay,” you said, helping Dean sit up again back in his chair. “I want you to try something. Whenever you feel like getting mad, think about if it’s because you’re mad or if because it’s something you used to get in trouble with him for. If you want to get mad because I toss dishes in the sink and forget to put them in the dishwasher, get mad. If you want to get mad because my covers are crooked when I make my bed, maybe you aren’t really mad but you’re tired of being scared so it’s coming out that way instead. So if it’s the later and you’re scared, you just come find me or Sam and give us both a big hug okay?” you said. “We’ll give it right back until you’re not scared anymore.”

“Are you serious?” asked Dean, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t need a…what are you doing.”

“I’m giving you a hug,” you said, bending down and wrapping your arms around him. “You’re scared so it’s hug time.”

“This is a monumentally stupid idea,” said Dean, looking to Sam for help.

“I don’t think so,” said Sam, standing up and walking over to your side of the table. He bent over and gave Dean one too, the older Winchester groaning as he was trapped between the two of you.

“You two are annoying,” said Dean, letting his head lean against yours.

“Check?” you asked, Dean giving you a tiny smile.

“Yellow green,” said Dean, watching neither you or Sam pull away. “I don’t get out of this until I’m green, huh.”

“Now you’re getting it,” you said, kissing the top of his head. After a few minutes of you and Sam straining your backs you heard Dean chuckle that he was green.

“I guess you have a point,” said Dean, Sam ruffling the top of his head as he returned to his seat.

“You gave me lots of hugs when I first started staying with you,” you said to Dean. “Made me feel safe. I get what’s going on in your head, trust me.”

“Some random psychopath kidnapped you and you have no idea why too?” asked Dean, a teasing smile on his face. “I just want to know what he had planned.”

“You want to talk about it?” asked Sam, Dean shaking his head. “You focus on getting back to your old self and let the police figure out the rest. Y/N’ll probably take a crack at it and she’ll figure it out in a few hours I bet.”

“Months of nothing and when I snuck off to get drunk I got lucky Sam,” you said, Dean flinching a little in his seat. “I’m just glad work will get back to normal.”

“How was Redge?” asked Dean, his face looking very much like the old Dean. “Don’t tell me he’s tried anything or I swear…”

“Redge is more indifferent of Y/N than anything at this point,” said Sam. “She may have thought he took you at first. She’s scary when she’s pissed off.”

“I don’t like you near him all day, not after what he did to you,” said Dean. “I thought he was on a different shift than us anyways, only came in because I was sick a while back.”

“They were down an officer and I made sure he knew he was on a short leash,” you said, shoving the last of your dinner in your mouth. “A very short leash.”

“Remember when he was our biggest problem?” asked Dean, running a hand over his torso, his fingers tracing over a spot through his shirt. “Getting shot sucks.”

“Y/N, do you want to clean up and I’ll help Dean with a shower?” asked Sam, Dean’s face a mixture of embarrassment and content. “Oh come on, like I’ve never seen you without pants on.”

“Shower sounds good,” said Dean, parts of him still filthy where he didn’t get a good scrubbing at the hospital. “Then I want to pass out in an adult sized bed again.”

Sam helped Dean up but let him walk on his own, the two of them up in Dean’s bathroom for awhile until you heard the water turn off and Sam shouted for you to come in. Dean was sitting on his bed in a tee and boxers, looking pretty tired but his eyes had a spark back in them.

“How’d we do?” asked Sam, ruffling a towel in Dean’s hair, getting a laugh out of his brother. “We can’t do anything about him being horrendous unfortunately.”

“Oh shut up,” said Dean, pushing Sam away with a smile. It got even bigger when he saw what you were holding, his blanket he’d been using before he was taken.

“Alright, get in,” you said, Dean shifting around so he was under the covers, Sam helping you spread the blanket out over top of him. “Do you need anything…and he fell asleep already.”

“Huh,” said Sam, Dean passed out the second his head hit the pillow. “He wasn’t joking about wanting a real bed again.”

“Should we stay?” you asked, Sam shrugging. “The doc said we shouldn’t coddle him.”

“He was cracking jokes in the shower,” said Sam. “You’re his girlfriend though so I’m sure you can-”

“Sam, we dated for all of four hours before this happened. We’ve never even been on a date,” you said. “You stay. I got to go check out a few things.”

“Y/N, it’s late, where-”

“I want to know what that guy was up to,” you said, walking out. “I’ll be downstairs. I promise I’ll come up in a couple of hours.”

“Y/N, he’s home and safe again. Take the night off,” said Sam, that slightly older brother tone coming out. “You need rest too.”

“You didn’t see him in that basement, Sam, or the mines. I want Dean to know this guy is never coming near him ever again,” you said. “I’ll log on quick and see what the prelim file says. Then I’ll be back, I promise.”

“Fine,” said Sam, taking a seat in a soft chair in the room and kicking his feet up on the bed, shutting his eyes.

“Thanks for everything,” you said, Sam keeping his eyes closed but giving you a smile.

“Family doesn’t have to thank each other,” said Sam, nestling down into his chair. “Don’t work too long.”

“I won’t,” you said, heading downstairs to the office, figuring it’d take you five minutes tops to read over the early report. You were logging in when you heard a car out front and saw the blue and red lights through the window. You growled and stormed to the door before they had a chance to ruin Dean’s sleep. Art and Charlie were giving you careful stares as you squinted at them on the front path. “What do you guys want?”

“Is Dean okay?” asked Art. You looked between them both and then saw another car come up.

“Don’t tell me the guy got loose,” you said, the officers looking at each other before at you. “How hard is it to-”

“Where’s Dean?” asked Art. “Now, Y/N.”

“In bed asleep. Recovering. Don’t you two dare go and wake him up with what’s probably going to be the most restful night’s sleep he’s had in months,” you said, two more officers, one of them Redge coming into view. “Well, let’s have a party in the front yard why don’t we? Not like-”

“Is he alone?” asked Charlie, taking a step forward. You scoffed and he shook his head. “Is he?”

“No, he’s with Sam and-Hey!” you said, watching all four of them rush inside. They only sounded like a freight train going up the stairs like that as you stormed after. “Dean’s fine alright? You can visit in the morning.”

You heard groaning from Dean’s room and wondered how pissed he’d be that Redge was in his house. The sheets were messy and thrown back as you looked around for the source of it but instead saw Sam holding his head in his hands.

“Looks like he got him,” said Charlie, moving with Redge out of the room and down the hall. “Art, new guy, stay with those two.”

“It’s Jimmy. Again,” said the black haired man that was helping Sam sit upright. You flicked on the light and saw the spot of blood on his head.

“Dean, he…ow,” said Sam. You walked over and rubbed on his back, ready to kill whoever it was that let Dean’s creepy stalker take him again.

“House is clear, set up a perimeter in the neighborhood. Art, help outside,” said Charlie as you glanced around.

“How did he even break in?” you asked, only the bathroom window open from the looks of it and there was no way up. “We’re up on the second floor.”

“Y/N,” said Jimmy with a cock of his head. “Dean’s kidnapper is still in custody.”

“Then who-”

“Dean just…” grunted Sam. “He sat up and clocked me way harder than he ever has in his life, grabbed a bag from the closet and sounded like he threw on his shoes and bolted out the window.”

“What…” you said, starting to move for the bathroom but Jimmy catching your arm. “Why would he do that?”

“There’s evidence that Dean wasn’t always in that basement,” said Jimmy.

“What does that mean exactly?” you asked, squinting at him. He sighed and looked away.

“It means that Dean very likely did what he had to in order to survive and at some point, it broke him,” said Jimmy.

“He’s scared and has PTSD, he’s not broken,” you said, shrugging out of his hold.

“The kidnapper had an alias, multiple aliases. Multiple plots of land and a couple other basements, just like that,” said Jimmy. You opened your mouth to argue but Jimmy shook his head. “Dean’s DNA is all over those places, those crime scenes. Three other men, all Dean’s age, some looking like they’ve been there a long time. All three were murdered. By Dean.”

“You’re being insane right now, I mean-”

“Dean kept a journal. We found it in the basement. They had to fight, they had go against each other to live and at a certain point, Dean started hurting them because he liked-”

“Stop. Talking,” you said. Sam looked ready to throw up but this guy didn’t know Dean and he didn’t know you. He was the rookie meant to replace him until Dean got on his feet, a quiet gig where he could probably do the mundane small town crap with his eyes closed. But this guy was a stranger and frankly he was the only cop in town you remotely trusted after everything with Redge. “Officer…”

“James Novak,” he said. “People call me Jimmy.”

“Jimmy, I used to be in an abusive relationship with Redge, you know, a cop? Dean, your ‘murderer’ saved me from it, gave me a home and a friend and a safe place to stay. He would not do those things to those other people. He’d try to save them. Dean is really smart. He would probably make the guy think he likes it to get more freedom and work on getting back at him. When I found him, he wanted to kill the guy. Dean doesn’t-”

“You’re talking in theory. You can’t know-”

“Dean has been alone with Sam and me for the past twelve hours. If he’s so bad, why didn’t he rip us to shreds then?” you asked. “I don’t know what he’s doing but he’s trying to protect us because that’s who he is.”

The officer didn’t say anything but he looked at you and Sam, knowing Dean would have had to give his own brother that hard of a hit in order to have enough time to get away.

“He didn’t do it. Give me a chance to prove it before you write him off too,” you said, Jimmy’s gaze flickering down and back up.

“You have no way to prove his innocence. Even if it was under duress, it still…” he trailed off, moving behind you as he stared at the wall. “Why would Dean have a teddy bear on his dresser?”

You spun around and saw the brown stuff bear on the other side of the room.

“I don’t know, I thought it was supposed to be a present or something,” you said, Jimmy picking it up and practically ripping it in half. “Hey that’s…what the fuck is that?”

“A hidden camera,” said Jimmy, holding up the lens and the wire that was tucked safely behind the dresser and probably into the wall, out of view. “Who put this here?”

“We both just assumed Dean was going to give it to Y/N on a date or something,” said Sam, glancing around.

“Has anyone else been in his house since Dean was taken?” asked Jimmy, glancing around.

“The internet guy, roof repair, the…” you trailed off, looking over at Sam.

“The mold guy,” said Sam, turning to Jimmy. “We were booted out of the house for three days.”

“The house is bugged?” you asked. You sighed and ran a hand through your hair. “It would keep Dean in line, show him we weren’t safe here.”

“It certainly helps but it’s not proof enough that Dean-”

“Then help us get it, Jimmy,” you said. “Please.”

“Running makes him look guilty,” said Jimmy. “But he might have run if he thought you were safer without him.”

“How would we be safer?” you asked, Jimmy shaking his head.

“I don’t know. But something is going on around here and we’re going to get to the bottom of it.”

“Sammy, I miss Dean,” you said, plopping down on the couch after work, throwing your legs over his lap as you stared at the ceiling. “He’s gone from person of interest to don’t be hesitant to use force on him.”

“I want him back too,” said Sam, letting out a sigh. It’d been almost a month since Dean took off and you weren’t all that surprised when his kidnapper was let loose after a failure to gather evidence on him. He played the part of dumb and innocent well, avoiding the alias thing when his lawyer explained that your guy never technically owned the land from those other lots. Sam called bullshit on it but there wasn’t enough there. You’d never technically seen the guy with Dean and your relationship with him left you more liability than help at this point. 

“You think Dean’s hiding from him? What if he got ahold of Dean again, no one would have any idea where to look, let alone we’re the only two people that care at this point,” you said. A knock at the open screen door made you sit upright as Jimmy came in with some takeout.

“Glad to know I’m valued so highly around here,” said Jimmy, taking off his shoes and heading for the kitchen.

“Three people care,” said Sam, hopping up as you sat down for dinner. “Anything at all today Jimmy?”

“Not on the Dean front,” he said, giving you a sad smile.

“I know you’re trying when you really don’t have to. We appreciate it Jimmy,” you said, watching him shrug. 

“I never even met Dean and I like him more than any of the other people we work with. I do have some other not so great news, chief mentioned after you left,” said Jimmy. You waited for him to continue as he pulled out a few boxes, sliding them over to you and Sam. 

“We’re waiting in suspense,” said Sam, Jimmy taking a deep breath.

“Y/N, you’re being…reassigned to patrol 8,” said Jimmy. “Chief is sticking you back-”

“Redge is my partner! Come on. I don’t want to drive around with him all day,” you said, Jimmy sighing. 

“I tried to tell chief that it wasn’t a good idea but everyone looks at you all shady now and Redge is the new golden boy since Dean’s been gone. He thinks Redge will figure out if you’re really up to something with Dean,” said Jimmy.

“Thanks for dinner, Jimmy,” you said, grabbing your box and your car keys, both guys grunting from the kitchen. “I want to be alone right now. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

They continued to grumble but let you be. You drove past the edge of town and parked in a field you used to go to when you wanted to get away from Redge. You sat on the hood of your car and pulled out your burger, taking a big bite and wondering if transferring would make you look guilty too.

You finished fast and were positive the guys were talking about you as much as they were Dean tonight. He’d vanished into thin air and you always wondered if he went back to where his kidnapper was from, if there was some reason he would go looking for something else.

You glanced at your phone and it was only seven. If you drove all night you could make it there by the morning and spend the weekend looking for him. Sam told you not to do that more than once though. Last thing you needed was you going missing too.

“Where are you, Dean?” you said quietly after finishing, laying back and closing your eyes.

About three seconds later something hit you hard in the hand and you whacked at whatever bug just stung you. Glancing down there weren’t any bug guts, just a blue paintball splatter. You spun your head around to the right, nothing but tall grass in that direction. Teenagers ran around out here a lot and you wouldn’t be surprised if you took a stray-

“Ow!” you said, waving your hand as it got hit in the same spot twice. “Knock it off!”

When it happened one more time though and your face was scrunched up in pain, you had to wonder what kid had a shot that accurate. You slid off your hood and walked to the right, the shooting seeming to stop now but you heard a rustling that made you jog after. You couldn’t keep up in the dense terrain but there was an obvious path to follow. By the time you got through, the sun was set and you were using your phone for light. There was a run down farm house in front of you, no lights on inside but the door was open.

“Call it in,” you muttered. It very well could have been the kidnapper but if it was Dean, they’d whisk him off to prison and not think twice. “I better not end up in some lifetime movie.”

You grabbed a sturdy looking branch and made your way inside slowly, trash everywhere but a few paint ball pellets leading a path for you down a hall and to a flight of stairs to a basement.

“Not a horror movie, not a horror movie,” you mumbled, taking as silent a step as possibly onto the first step. Halfway down they started to creak and you knew your cover was blown if you had one in the first place. It was dimly lit and you’d only scanned half the area before your makeshift weapon and phone were snatched away from behind, a shove pushing you forward against a wall. You spun around, ready to knee the person but stopped when you saw Dean staring back with a dark hoodie and jeans on.

“You need to stop trying to find me,” he said, tossing the stick to the side, turning off your phone and throwing it on the ground.

“Looks like I did and that was expensive you know,” you said, Dean’s face showing no amusement. “I know you didn’t-”

“You don’t know what I did,” said Dean. “What I can do when I get pushed far enough. This is your warning to stop looking for me and get on with your life.”

“Dean, I’m not scared of you,” you said. He stepped forward so your back was pressed up against the wall, his arms on either side of you as he leaned down.

“You should be,” he said, his face hard and dark.

“They’re forcing me to take Redge as my partner,” you said, Dean’s face holding strong but his eyes flickered for a few seconds, concern darting all over the place. “You can’t fool me, Winchester. You’re not the bad guy.”

“It doesn’t matter if I’m not, Y/N,” he said, leaning back and moving his hood back to run his hand through his hair. “It’s the part I have to play from now on.”

“Why? Let Sam and me and Jimmy help,” you said, Dean raising an eyebrow. “New cop meant to come in to replace you. He doesn’t believe you did that stuff.”

“The guy is out there. He only wants me so I have to stay away from you and Sam so that he leaves you alone,” said Dean.

“He’s not a cop, he can’t-”

“This guy took me as a kid, Y/N. I was too little, way too little to even remember but he had me for a few days. I always thought it was random but I knew dad left something out of the story. I was a cop’s kid and it wasn’t hard to figure out dad screwed somebody over and they wanted to get back at him,” said Dean.

“Why’d he come back Dean? This seems personal but the stuff with your dad is done with, isn’t it?” you asked, Dean shaking his head.

“I’m not telling you,” said Dean. You crossed your arms and he crossed his. “I’m not telling you.”

“Dean, please, give me something,” you said. “I’m trying to prove you’re innocent and it was a set up but-”

“Y/N, just stop. It’ll never happen. I’ll always be on the run. There’s too many things to this. You have to get on with your life. You’ve spent the past half year looking for me and you got to move on,” he said. “Sam too. Tell him to go back home. Maybe you can go with him, get out of this town, find another nice guy. There’s more than one of us out there.”

“I want you,” you said, stepping forward to try and hug him, Dean stepping away. “We never even went on a date.”

“I guess I don’t really have to break up with you then,” said Dean, kicking it the ground. “We never even had a chance to try.”

“Why did you bring me here, to tell me to go away?” you asked. Dean nodded and shrugged.

“Basically. I wanted you to know I was okay and that-”

“You are not okay,” you said, looking him up and down. “You’re more scared than when I found you in that basement. You’re angry and cold and you think this would all be easier if I turned my back on you and let you live the rest of your life in some kind of on the run Hell or in prison. Guess what? I used to be that way until you told me I could never push you away from helping me. You made me furious because you wouldn’t understand that I was a lost cause. You know what? I wasn’t and neither are you. If you don’t tell me what’s going on right now I swear I’ll find a way to force you to tell the truth.”

“This is different, sweetheart,” said Dean, a sliver of warmth in his voice again. “It’s too late and you’re forgetting I made you a promise that’d I’d keep you safe. You have to do what I tell you and forget about me.”

“Make me,” you said. Dean sighed and cocked his head over to the side, a bottle and a rag on top of a shelf. “What is that?”

“I want you to leave now. Tell Sam the house is his if it’s not already in his name. Sell it and get out of this place,” said Dean.

“No. You’re not letting me help you and I can and…” you said, Dean grabbing the rag and tilting the bottle over it for a second. 

“You’ll wake up in your car in a few hours,” he said, glancing down. “I wish I could-”

Dean was strong enough to pull the rag away after you’d pressed it against his mouth but the fumes left him weak and it made the rest of the job easy until he was slumped over on the floor.

“What the fuck is going on with you, Dean?” you asked, looking at him like he’d passed out on the couch, so much softer when he wasn’t clenching his jaw at you. You grabbed your phone and thankfully it turned on even if it was cracked. Thirty minutes later Sam and Jimmy were there, throwing a blanket over an out cold Dean in the back of Jimmy’s car.

“Now what do we do?” asked Sam.

“I think we’re going to have to interrogate your brother.”

Dean was not all that happy to wake up and find his wrist cuffed to a chair at the small, out of the way house Jimmy was staying in. The three of you were in the kitchen trying to figure out how to keep Dean safe and get him to open up when he started yelling at the top of his lungs.

“Dean, calm down,” you said, flinging open the door to the back room he was in, Sam and Jimmy right behind you. “No one is-”

“Let me out, now,” he said, trying his best to dislocate his thumb to get it off but you’d made the cuffs too tight on purpose, Dean grunting when he saw it was no use. “I swear-”

“Check?” asked Sam, Dean blinking a few times. “Do you remember check, Dean?”

“I’ll check you into the wall if you don’t let me leave right now,” said Dean, fuming at the both of you, his gaze landing on Jimmy. “You must be the new guy, huh? Do me a favor and cut me loose.”

Jimmy stepped inside and grabbed a chair, placing it across from Dean and taking a seat.

“Oh come on, I-” Dean got out before Jimmy slapped a hand over Dean’s mouth and Dean’s free hand shot up to tug on his wrist. To your surprise, it didn’t move and Dean started to dig his fingers into Jimmy’s flesh hard.

“You’re being very stupid Dean,” said Jimmy. “Or would you remember me better if I told you my name was Cas?”

There was a slight pause on Dean’s part as his eyes looked over Jimmy, dropping his hand away the same time Jimmy moved his.

“You do remember me,” said Jimmy, giving Dean short smile.

“I always thought…” said Dean, smiling a little at him, giving you and Sam both a look. “This is...Cas.”

“So your name isn’t Jimmy Novak?” asked Sam, Jimmy, or better yet Cas, giving a shrug as you took a seat nearby.

“My cover name is. I’m a special agent,” said Cas, turning his attention towards Dean. “I met Dean a long time ago.”

“You were the older boy there,” said Dean quietly, still looking incredulously at the black haired man. “How are you not dead?”

“You really have a hard time remembering those couple of days huh? You were only a little squirt then I suppose,” said Cas, looking over at you and Sam. “My dad used to be your dad’s partner. Only difference was I was old enough to remember getting taken. Dean’s a little fuzzy on the details but I’d expect that.”

For some reason Dean got all kinds of relaxed and stopped trying to find a way out of his chair, perfectly content to sit there now. You went and grabbed a bandage for him to come back and saw the cuff was gone now, Dean avoiding your gaze. 

“Can I patch that up?” you asked, the red mark on his wrist bloody in a few spots. He nodded but wouldn’t look, a slight shake to his arm.

“Want to tell these guys what I know Dean? What you remembered when you were taken a few months ago?” asked Cas, Dean holding his hand in his lap when you finished. He was quiet and Cas sighed. “You were more of a fighter as a two year old, come on man.”

“You were an annoying six year old,” said Dean, glancing up at Cas. He found Sam’s gaze before yours, upset with himself some about trying to force you to stay away. “I don’t want Y/N to-”

“This girl has spent so many hours trying to find you, Dean. She gets to know the truth too,” said Cas. Dean looked ready to argue before the fight went out of him and he slumped into his chair.

“There was another boy, older than me. He had a weird name,” said Dean. “Redge.”

“Before you go feeling soft for him, Redge is this nutjob’s son. When he found out Dean of all people was the reason you broke it off with Redge-”

“I broke up with Redge and his psychopath dad does all that to Dean as revenge? Redge plants evidence to incriminate Dean? What are we in, a horror movie?” you asked, throwing up your hands.

“Pretty much,” said Cas with a shrug.

“I need a drink,” you said, heading over for the kitchen, finding a bottle of old bourbon in a cupboard, taking a long sip. 

“I knew she’d think this is her fault, I didn’t want to tell her for this exact reason,” said Dean, following Cas into the kitchen, Sam on his tail and stealing the bottle from you and putting it up high where you couldn’t reach.

“It explains how Dean’s DNA got all over crime scenes he never visited, why he was forced to keep a journal, it explains a lot really,” said Sam, sitting up on the counter, keeping an eye on Dean who looked on the verge of bolting. “Hey, I asked you check and you didn’t say anything.”

“What difference does it make how I’m feeling? I’m used to it by now,” said Dean, rolling his eyes. “None of this makes any difference. I’m still royally screwed and he’s still out there and it sounds like Redge is in on it. I can’t do anything so the reunion was great and everything but leave me alone for all our benefits.”

Dean stood up to head for the door but Cas caught him by the hood and shoved him into a seat at the kitchen table.

“Dude, back off or-”

“I’m working a case and until I have solved it and got my guy, you’re going to do exactly what I tell you, all of you will,” said Cas, letting Dean go, pushing on his shoulder when he went to stand. “I wouldn’t let this slide even if it was as simple as a little revenge case but it’s not and we both know it.”

“It’s not?” the three of you asked, Cas running a hand through his hair.

“Oh my god, did you never once look at the files our dads were working on around that time? Investigating a serial killer? Never?” asked Cas. Dean looked like a deer in the headlights, staring up at Cas towering over him. “You’re lucky he likes you better as a pet than a victim or you’d have been killed a long time ago.”

“Cas, go take a walk,” you said, Sam standing to go with him as he saw you were getting ready to make Cas a victim himself. When they were both outside Dean had dropped the hardness and had that sad look on his face again, the one when you drove him away from that basement and to the hospital. “Dean?”

“Cas is right. I am lucky,” said Dean. “Everybody else he kills but I pissed off his son so lucky me got to stick around.”

“You never told me what he did to you,” you said, walking to stand by his side, taking his hand in yours. “You only ever said you got in trouble.”

“I’ll tell you someday, I promise but right now can we not fight? I really don’t want to fight anymore,” he said, voicing barely cracking at the end. You sat next to him and wrapped him into a hug, Dean welcoming it as you wondered when the last time he had any sort of touch at all in his life. “Why didn’t you give up on me?”

“You don’t give up on people you care about,” you said, running a hand over his head. “I always wanted to repay you but I never thought it’d be like this.”

“I would have done with a pie,” said Dean, a tiny chuckle from him doing wonders for your own nerves. 

“We’ll figure out some place safe for you while Cas investigates. A place like this maybe where you won’t have to run or worry about getting caught by the cops or our guy,” you said.

“That sounds much better than that tent I’ve been staying in,” said Dean. “Anything sounds much better now.”

“You tried to not let me help. Over and over again,” you said, Dean resting his head in the crook of your neck.

“I know. I barely let you take care of me when I had that cold. This was too much to put on you,” said Dean. 

“Me showing up at your door with a duffel bag and begging you to let me crash with you for the night, promising I’d be gone in the morning felt like too much. It always felt like too much when you made me breakfast or brought home surprises for me or complimented me or did a thousand other things. One day I realized I’d never convince you of that. It was so much easier when I let it all go. You’ll let it all go too Dean. You’ll get there,” you said.

He shrugged and took a deep breath. He almost started to relax before he pulled his head up and looked back at the door. You wondered if he wanted Sam when he bolted up and ran for it.

“Dean! What the-” you got out before he stopped and looked at you, rushing back over and taking hold of your hand. 

“Don’t leave my side,” said Dean, pulling you along after him and out the door. He glanced around the small clearing before there was nothing but woods and the small dirt path that would eventually lead to the road.

“What’s-” you said before he threw a hand over your mouth, spinning the two of you around, spotting Jimmy’s car and rushing over. He flung open the door and shoved you in over to the passenger side before he started to rip open the dash with his bare hands.

You watched him wide eyed as he pulled on some wires, face smashed against the steering wheel until he got a spark and the engine came on, tugging you back into the driver’s side.

“Get out of here. Get out of town, just get as far away as you can and hide,” said Dean, panting as he pulled your seatbelt on.

“Dean, I don’t-”

“I remember and Cas...Cas was a nice kid. He took care of me. But I don’t remember him ever leaving with me,” said Dean, shaking his head. “Sometimes I swore I heard another set of boots wandering around in that shed too.”

“Dean, Cas has helped us, stood up for you, he’s-”

“Y/N,” you heard Cas say, both your and Dean’s head’s whipping to the front of the car where he was walking around. “Where are you going? We need to figure out a plan.”

“Stay the hell away from her,” said Dean, standing up and slamming your door shut. You weren’t in the car for more than a few more seconds before the lights flickered and went out.

“I always have problems with that freaking battery,” said Cas, rubbing a hand over his face. You climbed out and Dean stood in front of you, Cas cocking his head. “What’s wrong? What’s happening?”

“I know who you are you son of a-”

“I am trying to help you, Dean. Is he having some kind of meltdown?” asked Cas to you. Dean had been overreactive since the moment you saw him, not thinking clearly and assuming the worst scenario would happen every single time. Cas had been calm and collected apart from his small outburst at Dean.

“Where’s Sam?” you asked. Cas practically growled and you took another step behind Dean.

“I have no issue with Y/N,” said Cas. “Hell, she knows what a dick Redge can be first hand. She can go.”

“Where’s Sam, Cas?” asked Dean. Cas shrugged and held up his hands. 

“Like I said, Y/N can go and I highly advise you do and forget all about this before you get dragged in. My issue is only with the Winchesters,” said Cas.

“Go,” said Dean, pushing you backwards with one hand. “Now.”

You didn’t argue it and went off down the path, Dean glancing over his shoulder to give you the smallest of smiles, a quiet thank you. You went down the road until you were out of view, going a little further before ducking into the woods and carefully making your way back to the house, Cas now holding a gun in his hands as Dean sat on the hood of the car, his hands cuffed behind his back.

You figured you had a couple options. Sneak up on Cas and get his gun to save Dean. Stay hidden and hope Cas brought Dean to wherever Sam was and sneak them both out later. Or call for backup from your completely un-trustable department and hope whoever showed up didn’t make you another victim.

You didn’t have enough time to think of your fourth one before a hand shot out over your mouth and a cold muzzle pressed against the back of your neck.

“Don’t move.”

The hand around you made you backup slowly, going with them even if you knew it was likely to certain death. You walked with them for a while before they spun you around and led you forward, walking on and on until you were well out of shouting distance of Dean.

“Hands behind your back,” he said, your body only doing so when he pressed the gun harder against your skin. You quickly felt a pair of department issue zipties around your wrists, his hand pushing you down to the ground. You expected a bullet but the gun moved away and he walked in front of you, staring you down. “What the hell are you involved in, Y/N?”

“Redge, if you’re going to kill me just do it,” you said, his gun staying by his side a good sign you told yourself. “If you’re not going to do that then what-”

“Saving your ass. Cas plays games. Letting the girl go is one of his favorites. Two months from now when Dean hasn’t broken yet, he’ll pull you out of whatever hole your in and kill you in front of him, then threaten the same with Sam if he doesn’t get with the program. I don’t know where Cas put him. You’ll thank me when you’re still alive,” said Redge, fiddling around in his backpack, grabbing you by the arm and walking again. 

“Redge what the fuck are you-” you got out before he slapped a hand over your mouth, a piece of duct tape over it.

“Shut up until I can explain,” he said, dragging you along until you came to the edge of the road, Redge shoving you in the backseat of his car and driving away, back towards town. You kicked his seat and he growled, getting louder when you didn’t stop. Eventually he pulled into his garage of your old home, shutting the door and taking you out, pushing you down on the couch as he made sure all the blinds were shut. When he ripped the duct tape off fast you nearly bit his hand off but his hands in tight fists made you think twice.

“Explain before I kick your ass for kidnapping a cop,” you said, Redge’s eyes rolling hard. He sat down on the ottoman and leered at you, cocking his head. “What?”

“If you had just stayed with me, none of his would have happened. Sam and Dean would be fine. You’d be fine. It would be okay, you know that?” he asked.

“You used to hurt me and that wasn’t okay, Redge,” you spat out. “Stop talking out of your ass and pretend for two seconds you’re not a piece of crap and maybe I’ll not ruin your life for stopping me from saving my guys.”

“You can’t save them. It’s too late. Grab your stuff and go,” said Redge. “Cas’ll give up trying to catch you pretty fast. He knows you won’t say anything.”

“Why wouldn’t I? He’s only…oh, I don’t know a complete and total liar,” you said, your shoulders starting to ache. “Would you cut me loose? You’re not exactly screaming trustworthy right now.”

“You’re the one being investigated by internal affairs, Y/N. For all I know, you’re another one of dad’s star students,” said Redge. You cocked your head and Redge took a deep breath. “Six months of your record is missing when you were twenty. Why?”

“I was in school which you’d know if you ever listened to me. I did study abroad but you wouldn’t know anything about that considering you tuned out everything I said unless it was yes sir,” you said, Redge looking you over. “What do you mean students?”

“I’m a saint compared to dad. He really just…gets the urge to kill people and does it I guess. I never saw it but I mean, he slipped it into asking about how school was and all that,” said Redge. 

“You never told anyone anything? Never another adult or-”

“One day, when I was five, I came home and there were these two boys in the basement. Dad told me to play with them, take care of them, keep them under control. He said I’d get a big reward if I did. It wasn’t hard with the little boy, Dean, but the older one was bigger than me and he shoved me around so I shoved back. I thought we were playing like at recess or something. That’s all I did was play with them. After a couple days, the little boy went away but that other one…he didn’t. I got a new brother I was told,” said Redge.

“Cas,” you said, Redge nodding his head. “Oh, why didn’t you say something Redge?”

“Because I’m not a good guy. You know that,” said Redge, looking you up and down, all too aware that you were still restrained. “The more Cas gave in, the more I liked it until a couple months later and we were in a new town and Jimmy was my older brother at school. The longer he stayed with us, the more he got to be like dad until eventually Jimmy was the one going into the family business. Sometimes I wish dad hadn’t kept him. It sounds bad but Jimmy, Cas I guess…he’s ruthless and cunning. Dad was always happy with the quick and dirty but Jimmy likes the slow burn,” said Redge, his face dropping as he thought of something.

“Redge, work with me. It doesn’t sound like you guys are on the best terms,” you said, Redge laughing at you and crossing his arms. 

“He’s worse than me, worse than dad, but that don’t make me the golden boy,” said Redge. “Cas has his toys to play with. I only ever wanted you back and here you are. You can be safe here from him, safe from dad too. I’ll be better this time.”

“Are you asking me to stay or telling me I am,” you said, Redge’s gaze on the floor in front of him. His hesitancy made you braver and you tapped his leg with your foot. “Redge.”

He stood up and went to the kitchen, grabbing a knife as you swallowed hard. He put on a hand on your arm and spun you around, cutting through the zip tie and picking up the pieces, tossing them in the trash on the way back to the kitchen. He pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge and handed it to you, taking a seat back down.

“You were my first long term girlfriend. The first time I ever lived with someone else. That control was something I lived with for years, it’s what I thought love was and how to get respect and all that. As much as I want you back, I know I’m not good. Dean’s always been the guy for you and I took you because he was too shy at first, even if I knew he wanted you. You’re not mine but you got to stay away from Cas. He’s going to call my dad and they’re going to go to town on him, Y/N,” said Redge. “Sam too. You just got to move on.”

“I’m being investigated because of my relationship with Dean, right? They think I potentially knew he committed those crimes or set all this up?” you asked, Redge nodding his head. “Go with me to the station and vouch for me. Tell them all that. Tell them the truth and help me save them. Sam is a civilian, Dean is another cop and you’ve got some penance to serve, Redge,” you said.

“It’s my family. My literal psycho murdering family,” he said. “I go against them-”

“Your family is hurting my family. Family has your back and all that but yours is built on fear and pain, not love. That’s not a real family. Your family would hurt you for trying to stop them. Dean and Sam, I’m sure I’ll get an earful from them but I’ll get a crap ton of hugs too. Give me a shot, please,” you said, Redge sighing heavily.

“Y/N, odds are we’ll never find them,” said Redge, a tiny smile on your face. “But we could try.”

Two Months Later

Redge hadn’t checked in with the station in a few days and the looks you were starting to get made you nervous. Sam had vanished but Cas…Cas showed up for work the next day a few months back like nothing more had gone on that night than having an easy dinner and watching some TV. Redge stayed quiet when he saw Cas back, never saying a word to anyone about all he’d told you. You didn’t know who or what to believe anymore. The investigation on you was proving nothing you figured but you knew they believed you were the one who took Sam and was involved with all the rest.

“Hey,” said Cas, knocking on your desk as you looked into the old files on Redge’s dad. “You’re riding with me today.”

“Shocking,” you said, grabbing your winter coat, hoping wherever the boys were they weren’t freezing to death. You’d kept your distance from Cas since that night, occasionally trying to track him but Cas always one step ahead of you, no thanks to help from Redge you guessed.

“Coffee run?” Cas asked when you climbed in the passenger side of his cruiser, shaking your head. “This doesn’t have to be as bad as you make it out to be. I’ll buy.”

“A cup of coffee? Well I guess we can be besties forever now, huh,” you said, Cas pulling out of the lot for your four hour patrol around town. 

“I let you go. Someone in my line of work doesn’t really do that,” said Cas, looking over at you. “You’re a good cop. Once the investigation clears up, maybe you’ll think about moving on to a bigger town, work some bigger cases than the run of the mill crap we do all day.”

“Do you have a point at all? Otherwise you can shut it for the rest of today,” you said, crossing your arms, wishing you’d get a call to give you something else to think about.

“Playing nice with me makes life easier for them,” said Cas. “Perk up. You’re prettier when you smile.”

“Whatever you say boss.”

Three Days Later

You were at a motel room in a random town that only took cash. You used a rented car to take to “borrow” another one, promising yourself you’d return it to the owner before they got back from their vacation. You left your phone behind and your computer, no credit cards, anything Cas could use to figure out where you were. When it was almost two thirty in the morning, you slipped out of your room and walked down a few blocks, hood up as you scanned the alleys for the one you were looking for.

Right on the dot, you saw a man leaning against the brick wall of one, his head curling towards yours when he must have noticed your gazing. He gave a tiny nod you returned and he waved you down. 

“You’re less intimidating than I expected,” said the playful voice, standing up straight, his height rivaling Sam’s almost.

“Nick,” you said, pulling your hood down, the man doing the same. He was a bit older than Cas, around ten years maybe but even in the dim alley, you could see the familiarity. “I know where your baby brother is.”

“See, you kept saying that on the phone but Cas is dead. I haven’t seen him since he went to go play in the yard. It’s been over thirty years, kid. If you found his body, that’s great but I made my peace with what happened a long-”

“Look,” you said, shoving a hand into your pocket and pulling out the picture of Cas in uniform, Nick’s face going blank. “He’s alive.”

“He’s okay. Little guy became a cop,” said Nick, not exactly a smile on his face but as close as you were going to get for a harsh guy like him. “Why didn’t he…what…why did you find me, have us meet like this?”

“You’re a criminal and I’m so far in this thing I’ll work with bad guys to stop even worse ones,” you said. Nick handed the picture back before you shook your head that he could have it.

“You’re a cop,” he said. “Internal affairs, some law and order crap like that?” 

“Your brother took two people very important to me. I will explain everything I can to you but I’ll be upfront about this. You’re not getting the happy ending with your brother you want. It’s not going to happen,” you said, Nick looking over your head. 

“Inside,” he said, pushing open a back door to the bar you were outside of. “You look like you need a drink.”

Nick quietly sipped on his beer as you told him everything you knew. When you’d finished, you didn’t get any denial or shock or any of the other reactions you were expecting. Just a small chuckle that made you wonder if you’d only added one more crazy person in all this.

“To think I was the bad son,” said Nick. “Dad and his stupid pride, wouldn’t do something bad to save his own kid.”

“I read through the old files of Chuck’s, the ones in the storage shed in Toledo,” you said, Nick’s head popping up. “I’ve broken a few laws trying to get my boys back, I’m not a saint either. But your dad tried to get Cas back. It was one or the other and Dean was younger so-”

“So Cas got the shaft. Wow, way to go dad,” said Nick, standing and grabbing a bottle of some hard liquor, pouring it straight into his empty glass, enough to knock out a horse if he finished it all.

“He tried after that and that’s why he got killed. This guy Chuck and John Winchester were investigating is bad news. Ruthless and he made Cas just like him,” you said, Nick seeming unfazed.

“This is my problem how?” he asked, taking a long drag, scrunching his face up at the burn of it. “You’re the cop, that’s your job to fix crap like this.”

“You were supposed to watch him and you let your kid brother go play outside by himself when you were told to not let him out of your sight. How’s that for your problem?” you spat back, Nick’s face going cold, downright scary. 

“You sure you aren’t the bad one? You sure know how to rip open old wounds,” he said, taking another swallow.

“This was a waste of time,” you said, standing up, heading for the back door until Nick’s hand caught your arm. 

“You said this guy Redge, that you breaking up with him is what started all of this, right?” asked Nick. You felt his hand get loose and you moved it away, looking down at Nick in the booth. 

“It got Dean involved and it made Redge’s dad go after him again and it brought all of this up so yeah, it’s pretty much all my fault,” you said.

“If I’d watched Cas like I was supposed to, Cas wouldn’t have gone that route and maybe that Redge guy would have turned out different and maybe a lot of things would be different so if it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine,” he said.

“You don’t know that,” you said.

“You don’t know that you and Redge had anything to do with Dean. They all knew each other before you came along. This could have been in the making long before you showed up,” said Nick.

“If you say you’re going to help, are you going to turn around the next day and pretend that didn’t happen? I’m running out of people to turn to, Nick,” you said.

“I think I should have a talk with my brother. On one condition,” he said, your head dropping.

“I can’t promise any clearing of your record or any of that. I’m on the outs. I can’t even promise you’ll live through this,” you said.

“One condition,” said Nick, standing up. “We’re going to need backup and I know the guys for the job.”

“Nick, this-”

“Kid, I wasn’t asking. You want to find Dean and Sam? Trust me.”

On Monday morning the chief called you into his office to tell you Cas was your new partner, Redge back at work as you figured he didn’t turn up anything concrete, not that he was ever really investigating you. You were stopped at the diner for lunch with Cas a few days later, silently eating together when Cas kicked you under the table.

“What?” you asked, mouth full of salad, Cas giving you a hard glare. “Don’t tell me the place is getting robbed,” you said, spinning in your seat to see nothing going on.

“What is that?” he asked, pointing outside at a man outside playing on his phone.

“A guy on his phone?” you asked, not sure what was going on with him. Cas studied your face and relaxed. “What?”

“Nothing. You’re not arguing with me as much lately. I was suspicious,” said Cas.

“Well you said it yourself. I’m free and alive. I need to start looking out for myself,” you said, Cas raising an eyebrow. “I’m smart enough to admit defeat. I need to move on, get out of this town and forget this all ever happened right? Let you have your…extra curricular activities.”

“You’re giving up just like that,” said Cas. You shrugged, playing around with your fork. 

“I never even went on a date with the guy. I’m loyal but I’m not a dumbass,” you said. “Maybe I’ll go somewhere warmer, where it doesn’t snow in the winter.”

“Oh you’re cruel. You ever want a date, give me a call,” said Cas with a wink. 

“I do have a slight favor to ask,” you said, Cas’ smile falling away. “A letter of recommendation would help with a transfer considering everything I went through. I’m not sure they’ll take me with that on my record if I don’t have someone to-”

“Yeah, that’s not a problem,” said Cas, easing up again. “I’ll make you sound good and all that.”

“Thanks,” you said, Cas going back to his sandwich until you were climbing in the cruiser, back on your patrol for the second half of your shift.

“You’re really giving up on them. They’ve been so adamant that you’d stay away and do what asked. I guess you’re finally getting with the program huh?” asked Cas.

“I have one other favor to ask,” you said, turning to Cas. “You and your family stay away from me, they don’t come after me. I don’t want to look over my shoulder the rest of my life.”

“Yeah, that’s not a problem,” said Cas. “You’ve kept your mouth shut and been good. You’ll keep it shut too. No one will bother you.”

“Alright then,” you said, holding out a hand, Cas shaking it with an amused look on his face. “I’ll start looking for new positions tonight.”

It was nearly three in the morning when you got a call on your burner phone from Nick.

“Did Gabe get it?” you asked.

“Oh, he got more than that alright,” said Nick. “Somebody wants to say hi.”

“Hey Y/N,” a tired Sam said on the other end. “You working with a bunch of convicts now?”

“Well I sit next to a serial killer at work. Thievery isn’t so bad compared to that,” you said, hearing a tiny laugh from Sam. He sounded in good spirits but you could only imagine how wrecked he was. “Are you okay?”

“Oh it’s like Christmas morning,” he said with a chuckle. “It’s not Christmas is it?”

“Not for a few more weeks,” you said, sitting up with a big smile on your face. “We got to go pick out a tree.”

“Yeah, we’ll get right on that,” said Sam. “You got Dean back yet?”

“No, we agreed getting at least one of you out was worth the risk,” you said, standing and heading over to your closet to get dressed.

“I haven’t seen him since I saw you last. I don’t know where-”

“It’s okay Sammy. Nick’s brothers are going to stay with you and make sure you get to a hospital and get better,” you said, pulling out some clothes and tossing them on fast. 

“I’m honestly okay. Cas never did anything so I assumed Dean’s been playing along. What are you going to do?” asked Sam. 

“I’m going to Cas’ house. He’s going to want a new way of keeping Dean in line,” you said.

“Y/N, you can’t-”

“Nick, you know where to meet me. Let’s go have a chat with your little brother.”

“Nick, you ready?” you asked, stepping out of the car parked around the bend, just out of view from Cas’ house. Nick looked down the dirt path, giving you a nod. “Want to give me a heads up of what you’re planning on saying?”

“I’ll let you know when I figure that out myself,” he said, taking a step forward. “You sure you want to come with me?”

“You need the backup,” you said, pulling out your gun. Nick just nodded and went around to the front door as you went to the back. He knocked like he was dropping off a pizza and you took a deep breath. You heard the front door open and slipped in the back, quietly coming through the hall as you saw Cas take a step back and another. Nick landed a punch square to his face and had him restrained fast as you had to fight the urge to rip his head off. “What happened to talking?”

“He kind of deserves it, don’t you think?” asked Nick as you rolled your eyes. Cas grunted as Nick rolled him up, shutting the door as you saw just how off guard he was. “Cas.”

“Nick?” asked Cas, looking his older brother up and down. “Wh-What...”

“What is wrong with you shortie?” asked Nick, Cas’ face softening at the nickname. “What is going on in that head of yours?”

“Whatever she told you, it’s a lie, it’s all-”

“Cut the crap,” said Nick, Cas dropping his head down to the floor. “You got taller.”

“So did you,” said Cas quietly, turning his attention to you, the softness falling away. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done? What you just put on my family?”

“Sorry but your dad and Redge aren’t exactly-”

“Not those psychos. Nick and Gabe and Michael. Do you know what you just dragged them into? What I’ve been keeping them safe from for years?” asked Cas, his eyes shooting daggers but flickering with fear for the first time too. “They’re going to go after them finally. After everything I put up with, it’s gone because of you.”

Nick scrunched up his face and raised an eyebrow, probably thinking Cas was nuts.

“Cas,” you said, holding your gun in your hands. “We found Sam. He didn’t exactly sound like someone who’s had a rough go of it lately.”

“Sam played the part he needed to. Dean’s been doing his part too I suppose. I may have exaggerated things a bit,” said Cas, glancing down.

“Exaggerated how?” you asked, your eyes going wide when you saw the chief come in through the front door.

“Stand down officer Y/L/N,” said the chief, your gaze going to Nick who looked like he would try to take him on if you asked. “Stand down.”

“Crowley, I don’t exactly trust-”

“Cas you’re authorized to disclose your case,” said Crowley, Cas breathing a sigh of relief.

“Not like she was only about two seconds away from shooting me, asshole,” said Cas, giving Crowley a hard look before softening his gaze towards you and Nick. “I’m very deep undercover. Very, very, very deep undercover.”

“It all makes perfect sense now!” you said, squinting at him, Crowley rolling his eyes. “You want to explain, get going.”

“The easy version? I got taken as a kid and raised by a not so nice guy and Redge. I figured out how to play along, gain their trust. By the time I was old enough, got more freedom, it was just Nick and my brothers left and there was always this unspoken threat in the air that I couldn’t go back to them. I stayed away and became a cop, try to figure out a way to bring him down and Redge. I was approached at the academy about undercover work. They knew who I really was and who my fake dad was and that I could go under and gather evidence against a guy they’d been tracking for twenty years but couldn’t prove a damn thing about,” said Cas. “I couldn’t hop on board that train fast enough.”

“Wait so you never…” you asked, Cas shaking his head. 

“Redge did. I was always going to be his fall guy if it ever came to it so I was told to keep my mouth shut. I’ve made it harder over the years but when you got with Redge and then you two stopped, those two wanted to rip Dean apart. I convinced them to go a different route, screw with you both in a less violent way. It worked and they started to get sloppy for the first time. They actually believed that I’d finally come around to their way of thinking. The evidence we have now though is huge and more than enough to put them both away,” said Cas.

“Awesome, then what’s with the continued charade?” asked Nick, cocking his head.

“We don’t know where Dean is,” said Crowley. You looked at Cas who shook his head.

“Redge called my dad after he found you in the woods,” said Cas, Nick giving him a glare. “Fake dad. Cut me a little slack, I’ve been dealing with this stuff since I was six.”

“Keep going,” you said, throwing Nick a glance to cool it.

“Fake dad showed up and took Dean, not too long after I had a chance to explain myself to him. I don’t know if Dean every truly believed me but I told him I’d keep you and Sam safe until I could get him too,” said Cas. “We just need to find him.”

“Would Redge know?” you asked, looking at the chief who was shaking his head. “I’ll go be bait if I have to. We’re getting Dean back if it’s the last thing I ever do.”

“The guy’s been around the Montana area, sticking to a fifty mile area. Dean’s likely somewhere in there,” said Crowley. “It’s too big of a search area though.”

“When Redge took those few days off earlier in the week, where’d he go?” you asked.

“Montana,” said Crowley. “You think he went to go pay Dean a visit?”

“Check his phone records and we’ll find out.”

The property you were searching was huge and the local police department was even smaller than your own, just four of you out there trying to search 100 acres while you knew your guy was the next town over.

“Y/L/N, sun’s going down and snow’s heading in. We need to call it a night,” said another officer over the radio.

“I’ve got a flashlight and gloves. I’m good,” you said, flicking your light on and continuing your search. 

“One more hour, then we need to head in,” said the officer. You clicked off your radio and continued your search, finding a big farmhouse that was a nice break from the cold wind on your face, your cheeks and nose hurting from the icy air. You kicked around the straw on the floor, finding only solid dirt beneath it, taking a short breather behind a bale of hay. It was warmer there and you took a deep breath, glancing around to see a pipe sweating nearby. You hopped up, nothing at all seeming to require heat in the open barn unless of course there was someone living under it. You started kicking the straw again, spending most of your hour picking through every inch of the space. 

You yelled when you found nothing, kicking at a bale of hay. You huffed and figure you’d start looking around outside when you spun back around.

“Wait,” you said to yourself, looking around the whole barn, noticing there was only the one bale in the whole place. You bent down and shoved with your shoulder, digging into the ground to get it to budge a little before it slid away. The small cellar door made you smile as you flung it open and hopped down, shooting at a locked door and opening it to find a tiny room warm.

The man on the cot rolled over and wiped at his eyes, yawning as he did so. He blinked the green orbs awake, sitting up fast when he saw you.

“We got to stop meeting like this,” you said, Dean leaning back against the wall in relief. “You’re not going to go all Rambo on me again, are you?”

“You look really cute with a pink nose,” said Dean, waving you over. You bent down to try and cut through his tether again but this one was made of steel cable and you didn’t exactly bring bolt cutters with you. “Try my foot.”

“I’m not cutting your foot off,” you said, Dean rolling his eyes. He put his foot up on the cot and pulled up his pant leg to show the metal cuff on it.

“I meant try picking the lock,” said Dean. “Unless you found the keys.”

“Yeah, right outside the door, didn’t you know?” you joked, the sound of the cellar door slamming shut making your smile fall.

“Tell me that was the wind,” said Dean. You took off back the way you came, going through the door and up the few steps before you pushed on the door. It didn’t budge much and you knew it wasn’t that heavy. You pushed again and again, dropping down and hoping when Dean was free he might have better luck. 

“I think it’s just stuck,” you said.

“I don’t think we’re that lucky,” said Dean. “Do you have anything to eat in your bag?”

“Yeah,” you said, slipping it off and digging through to find a few protein bars, Dean barely getting the wrapper off before devouring one. “Hungry?”

“Starving,” he said, halfway through another before he forced himself to stop. “We should save these.”

“It was just the wind Dean. A big storm is coming through,” you said, riffling around in your bag for something to try and get him loose. You took off your hat and shoved it on his head, throwing your scarf on him too. 

“How cold out is it exactly? This is Kansas not-”

“We’re not in Kansas anymore,” you said, Dean giving you a bitch face. “Well we’re not, Todo.”

“Awesome,” said Dean as you ran a hand over your head, finding a bobby pin in there. You pulled it out and twisted it, shoving it in the lock and a few moments later, watching it release Dean’s leg. 

He sighed when it fell off and he removed the rag he’d shoved there to cushion it, stretching it out as you twisted your bobby pin back in place.

“Let’s work on that door,” said Dean. He stood up with your help but he seemed healthy for the most part and definitely happier than when you’d rescued him the first time. You both had to shove hard but the door flung open eventually, a big gust of wind blowing through the open space that had Dean ducking back down. You gave him your bag with some boots and gloves, Dean throwing his hood up but still cold in his thin hoodie and a pair of jeans.

“Let’s get you home Dean.”

“Alright,” you said, throwing a blanket over Sam on the couch the next day, Dean already bundled up in his own as they both gave you shy smiles. “You’re both fed, Dean got cleared by the hospital, you’re in your warmest pajamas and tucked in. What else do you guys need?”

“You to sit down and take a break, sweetheart,” said Dean, patting the spot between him and Sam. You gladly sat, feeling them share their blankets with you as a holiday movie played quietly on TV in the background.

“Longest year ever,” you said, both of them laughing a little. The doorbell rang and you hopped up, knowing the department wanted to give you all a proper apology but that it could wait for the morning.

“Hi,” said Cas when you opened it, holding a box under his arm, looking down. “Can I come in?”

“Can you look at me?” you asked, Cas slow to lift his head. “You ever hear of a little thing the Winchesters have called ‘Check’?”

He shook his head and you smiled.

“You will,” you said, opening the door for him, his face red from the cold. “Guys, you mind if you have a quick visitor?”

“Cas, our guardian angel,” joked Dean, Cas looking away nervously. 

“Dude, relax. You’ve risked a lot to keep us safe,” said Sam. “We’re good with you.”

“Y/N is in need of an apology,” said Dean, not too happy with the way he spoke to you, even if it was to keep up appearances with Redge. “Later though. What’d you bring us?”

“It’s from my brothers and me,” said Cas, putting the box down between them. “For helping bring us together again.”

Sam and Dean shrugged and opened the box up, both of them reaching inside and holding up a leather jacket.

“I guess your dad gave it to our’s once and it got tucked away in storage. It has sentimental value Nick said. John gave it to him as a way of saying our families always have each other’s backs or something like that,” said Cas, rubbing the back of his head. 

“You guys want to hang out this weekend?” asked Dean, Sam giving Cas a smile. “Our dad’s were best friends. I think it’s about time the kids were too.”

“Is that okay, Y/N?” asked Cas, the boys looking back over the couch at you. “You’re the one that’s seen everyone go all…”

“I think a big family dinner would be nice,” you said.

A few days later you were sitting on the couch with Dean slouching into your side, talking to Nick and Michael about which Zeppelin album was better, Sam and Gabe and Cas trying to figure out who had the worst pick up line. You didn’t realize you’d fallen asleep until Dean was carrying you upstairs, the guys telling you goodnight as they threw on their coats.

“Didn’t mean to ruin the party,” you said, Dean pausing outside your room before going down to his and putting you on the mattress there.

“It’s your turn to get some overdue rest, Y/N,” said Dean, shutting the door and kicking off his pants, climbing into bed beside you. 

“You don’t have to go to bed if you don’t want,” you said, Dean chuckling to himself. 

“We’ll see the guys tomorrow. It’s getting late anyways,” said Dean, pulling you in close. “You’re so warm. I’ve wanted to do this forever.”

“Me too,” you said. “You know Nick and Gabe and Michael…they’ve got records,” you said. 

“Used to have records. They’ve been expunged thanks to helping catch two serial killers. With Cas back and a family of cops around, I’m pretty sure they’ll get on the straight and narrow soon,” said Dean. “Wouldn’t want to have to arrest our new friends.”

“How are you feeling? After everything I mean. You’ve spent only a handful of nights in this bed over the past ten months,” you said. Dean hummed and you rolled on your side to face him, running a hand through his hair. “You’re not so bad this time.”

“I kind of distracted myself through most of it,” said Dean. “I don’t think anyone’s ever had as much time as me to come up with the perfect first date.”

“I’d rather just stay home with you on the couch and never let you out of my sight if that’s okay with you,” you said, giving him a tired smile.

“You came up Netflix and a pizza too?” he teased, shifting his head closer.

“Check?” you asked, Dean closing his eyes as he tilted his head and gave you a short kiss.

“Green sweetheart,” said Dean, fluttering his eyes open when he moved back. “How about you?”

“I think I’m okay again too,” you said, snuggling into his chest. “This is the weirdest relationship I’ve ever been in.”

“Considering your last boyfriend was a serial killer, I’m not sure how to take that,” he said, chuckle as you gave him a pout. “I really do have to ask though…why’d you never stop trying to save me?”

“You’re my best friend. Maybe we haven’t gotten into the couple stuff yet but you’re my best friend and I love you and you owe me at least two back massages for everything I’ve done,” you said, Dean giving you a big laugh you felt in your chest before he was kissing you again.

“That can be arranged,” he said, closing his eyes. “Thank you for everything sweetheart.”

“Goodnight Dean.”

"Morning,” you said, turning to curl into Dean, your eyes blinking open when you saw him gone. You hopped out of bed and found him staring at the back door in the kitchen, the sun just coming up. “You okay?” you asked, reaching up to ruffle his hair.

“Yeah,” he said, reaching for your hand to hold in his. “Sorry if I woke you up.”

“You’re good,” you said, bumping into his arm. “We can go outside if you want.”

“It’s cold out,” he said.

“You have winter clothes,” you said, Dean nodding to himself like he’d forgotten that. “Do you have anything you want to do today?”

Dean shrugged, just looking outside at the snow covered yard. You bumped him again and he looked down, catching your smile.

“When Sam gets up we’ll head into town and grab breakfast. I got a surprise for you,” you said, Dean tilting his head. “It’s a good surprise.”

It was nearly dinner time by the time you three got back, Dean giving Baby a pat and smile at getting to driver her again. 

“I can’t believe you convinced us to go sledding,” said Sam, sipping on his leftover hot chocolate. “In Kansas too. How’d you find that place?”

“A super secret place called google,” you said, Sam grabbing a snowball from the front yard and tossing it at you as he went inside to warm up. Dean was smiling as he stood by Baby, his cheeks red from spending most of the day outside. “You have fun today?”

“Yeah,” said Dean, wrapping you up in his arms and holding on tight. “I needed that.”

“I know. Want to go watch a Christmas movie and warm up?” you asked.

“Die Hard?” he asked. You rolled your eyes but shook your head. “What do you want to do for dinner?”

“Speak of the devil,” you said, spotting Cas pull up in his car, his brothers popping out with a few bags. “The boys brought barbecue.”

“Ribs, brisket, pulled pork, chicken, corn bread, mashed potatoes and a whole bunch of other artery clogging goodies...everything a recovering boy needs,” said Gabe, patting Dean on the back as they got the food inside before the cold got to it.

“We’ll have a quiet day tomorrow if you want. You just looked like you needed some fun today,” you said.

“I did. I still do but with you watching my back I’m going to turn out just fine,” he said, leaning down to give you a kiss. “You know I always had the biggest crush on you, from the second we met actually.”

“I thought you were cute in your little uniform and jeans. I wished you’d been my partner from the start,” you said.

“I’m your partner now,” he said, giving you another fast kiss. “In more than one area of your life.”

“You’re much cuddlier than I remember,” you said. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“Well see this cute girl told me if I got scared I should get a hug and she’d make me feel better. She’s pretty smart,” said Dean, still holding on tight.

“You remember that?” you asked, Dean humming. “Do you want to go get some warm food in you?”

“Yeah,” said Dean, not moving an inch. He waited a few more seconds, looking up as the sun was setting and fresh snow was coming down. “Alright, let’s go have family dinner.”

“I think we should do it once a week, get everyone together,” you said, Dean smiling wide. “You like the sound of that?”

“Having a big family of full of misfit cops and lawyers and thieves sounds perfect, sweetheart.”

_______

[luckyricochet]

Read on AO3

I was a little delayed in posting this what with the Fourth of July and flying back home, but Raw, Real, Red is finally here! Hope you all enjoy it 🥰

Eilidh Hamilton to Victoria and James Hamilton

15 December 1940

Dear Mum and Dad,

We had a good day today. Granny seemed in good spirits, so we went to a fundraising concert at the Byre for the Bute and St Mary’s. When we arrived, the students were playing a lovely rendition of some piece by Purcell—I forget which one now, since I lost the programme on the walk back home. But then they put on a nice production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Granny liked it too, I was surprised that she kept talking about it after the performance. She’s gone to bed now, but since she was feeling so chipper, tomorrow I’ll ask her about it again over breakfast. I’ll see if she wants to walk to the beach as well. It’ll be windy but if she can stand it until the sunset, it should be beautiful. I so often think how lucky we are to have such gorgeous sunsets, even though there is so much else happening.

There are quite a few children in town now. Most of them seem to be from Edinburgh and Glasgow. I see them when I go into town; they’re amusing little creatures. I saw one boy playing in the ruins so I told him a little about the cathedral and talked to him for a while. I thought he wasn’t listening to me because he kept asking me to repeat things but then he just said he was trying to figure out where my accent was from. I guess even in war some things don’t change.

I’ll write Will separately, but give him my best. Do I tire you out if I ask again that you send him up here? I really don’t care if you have to haul him by the ear onto the train, but I really think it would be better. I’ll even put up with having to do his laundry at Granny’s if I have to.

If I don’t have time to write again before Christmas, Happy Christmas to everyone. We will have a quiet night, of course, but I managed to save enough ingredients to make biscuits, so that will be our indulgence for the holiday. Granny and I are planning to be at the service at Sallie’s on Christmas Eve. If it’s anything like the one last year, I’m sure it will be very enjoyable. You know how dear the Reverend is.

All my love,

Your daughter,

Eilidh x

Eilidh Hamilton to William Hamilton

15 December 1940

Dear Will,

Well, brother of mine, have you decided to join me in the north yet? I know you are tired of me badgering you, but I won’t stop until you’re here. Anyway, write me when you have your tickets. We’ll be at the train station ready to pick you up.

It's been very cold recently, so we're wearing quite a lot of layers every day, then we can save on fuel too. I found some of your winter clothes in your room when I was tidying the other day. I'm surprised all of it is still in good condition. Do you want me to send you any of it? They seem like they might be too small for you now, though, how much have you grown since you were last here? Seems like a waste that it's just sitting in a trunk, or maybe you'd like to donate some of them. I told Mum and Dad, there are a lot of children who evacuated here so I'm sure the church ladies I see every week would be able to arrange something if you are not opposed to it. 

I don’t know if you were told, but I mailed Christmas presents at the end of November. I expect they have arrived. They’re in red wrapping paper, yours have the green ribbon. Don’t you dare bin that ribbon either, after Christmas. The spool cost a lot more than I would have liked—practically highway robbery, and this was before the war too. So I expect you to pack it in your luggage when you come.

Granny and I shall be thinking of you all Christmas morning and make a grand time of it. I hope you have a good holiday with Mum and Dad as well. We miss you dreadfully.

Eilidh

William Hamilton to Eilidh Hamilton

1 January 1941

Sis,

You really should stop wasting all your paper and ink on begging me to do something I will not. When it’s safe and the Luftwaffe quit trying to blast us off the face of the earth, you’ll have to come to the factory and see for yourself all the good work we’re doing. I’m with a bunch of nice lads. You might even like them. Who knows, maybe one of them will end up fancying you back and you’ll get to go on a date for once. It is the new year, after all. Time to try new things, like seeing someone. Or leaving your brother’s choices alone.

I expect Mum and Dad will fill you in on the details of the latest raid, so I won’t add any lines on that front, other than to say that I am more determined than ever to do my part.

In regards to my old clothes, you are welcome to give away the shoes, mittens, trousers, hats, etc. to charity so some other worthy young boy in town can use them. Mum has requested that you hold on to the jumpers and shirts and such, though, as she is very fond of them. Those can just stay with Gran for now, no need to ship them. 

We did the best we could to have a nice holiday at home, despite everything. No crackers again like last time, but we cut some crowns out of the papers and wore those instead and saved spots for you and Gran at the table. Were you able to listen to the King’s address? I thought the radio was going to spontaneously combust when we were last at Gran’s and I tried to plug it in, so I do hope you’ve managed to fix it. Personally, I liked the speech, but not as much as Mum. She probably won’t mention this (so don’t tell I her I let it slip) but she bawled like a baby.

Must conclude now, I have an early shift tomorrow and the beds in the shelter are not the best so my back has been killing me. I feel like I’m as old as you are. Love to you and Gran, regards to all our friends.

Will x

Victoria and James Hamilton to Eilidh Hamilton

[In Victoria Hamilton’s hand]: 2 January 1941

Happy New Year to our most beloved daughter!

We dearly hope that it was better than ours, as we are still licking our wounds from the attack that rang in the new year. The fires have been more intense than usual, especially because the fire brigade has had trouble with pumping enough water and with enough pressure and so on. Some of the fires spread to St Paul’s; you’ve probably seen the picture already. It’s quite extraordinary. Churchill is adamant that it will be saved. We are working around the clock at the hospital, the same as usual, so we’re all quite exhausted. However, knowing that you are a little more safe is a relief.

We hope you had a most happy Christmas with Granny. Apologies we did not have time to write before the holiday, but your presents arrived safe and sound. I’m not sure which book I will start with first, but I like the sound of the Fitzgerald one. [In James Hamilton’s hand]: Grandpa’s old pen was gorgeous as well.

[In Victoria Hamilton’s hand]: By the way, what did you tell Will? He was scrambling after all of the paper and ribbon after we had opened everything and stowed it away in his drawer like a squirrel hoarding for the winter. Please try to keep in mind he is disorganised enough as it is; we don’t need him acquiring anything more that he can’t keep track of.

Your loving parents,

Mum and [In James Hamilton’s hand]: Dad

Victoria Hamilton to Eilidh Hamilton

14 January 1941

Eilidh,

Excuse the sloppiness of this letter, as well as the tardiness. You probably heard about the raid from a few nights ago. It was another exceptionally heavy attack this time, so there hasn’t been been much time to sit for even a couple seconds to let you know that we are all right. You must have been so worried. I’m so sorry we couldn’t write sooner.

We are still lucky. The hospital remains standing, and your father and I are working away. Will’s factory is also still on its feet, and he was back in the shop as soon as he was sure it was all over. He’s been sleeping there since, so we haven’t seen in him in a few days but he should be back for the weekend to help with some cleanup around the city.

Shall write again when things have settled a bit more. Remember that we are well. Please make sure anyone in St A who is worried receives the news as well.

Mum xx

Eilidh Hamilton to Victoria and James Hamilton

25 January 1941

Dear Mum and Dad,

I can’t tell you how relieved I was to receive your last from the fourteenth of this month. Granny and I have listening to an awful lot of radio these past few weeks. Knowing you are all right will make our Burns supper taste even better. In celebration, I shall be extra dramatic when addressing the haggis. I don’t know if you will have the means to mark the occasion, but I hope that you have a nice night anyway, as nice as it can be given the circumstances. I’m sure Rabbie would understand.

I wish you could have been here today. All afternoon there were great big clouds gathering, dark gray ones, and there was practically no colour in the sky when the sun went down so I knew there would be a terrific storm blowing in soon. It’s raining very heavily at the moment—I can hear it going on the roof—and the wind is coming off of the sea something terrible. I shall savour the cosiness, however.

Letter for Will is attached, would appreciate you passing it along to him.

Love,

Eilidh x

Eilidh Hamilton to William Hamilton

25 January 1941

Dear Will,

Mum wrote me about the latest air raid. I’m glad you’re safe. I know what you’re thinking, that I’m going to go on with my normal spiel, but I’ll spare you for once. Just wanted to say that I’m proud to hear that you were back at your job so soon after it happened. And before you get any ideas in your head, this isn’t me admitting defeat! I still think you’re cracked, let’s be clear on that. But I guess if you’re going to be cracked, you’ve chosen a good reason to be so.

Love from your old sis,

E

William Hamilton to Eilidh Hamilton

10 February 1941

Eilidh,

Well I’ll be, sis. Thank you for your most gracious line from last month. You write very prettily, I will admit, sis, but don’t fool yourself! I’ll consider this a win, whatever you say. But rest assured, I shall keep this between us. Mum and Dad need not know of what you’ve confessed. I do look forward, however, to the next time I see you so you can express such lovely sentiments to me in person. I’m sure you’d agree any refusal to do so would be discourteous and unbecoming indeed.

Will

James Hamilton to Eilidh Hamilton

28 March 1941

Dearest Eilidh,

Mum is just back from her shift at the hospital and was practically sleepwalking when she came in, so you’ll have to put up with my lousy handwriting for this letter. I shall have to leave soon myself, but I’ll try to make sure to not miss anything in this letter. Have you received the one we wrote a week ago? There wasn’t much in it. We might have not sent it at all since it was before your last arrived, but we wanted to make sure to update you.

We’ve had a rough few days here. I don’t think there’s much point in describing it to you since you would have seen the reports and pictures in the newspapers. The important thing is that we’re all okay. Spirits can be low sometimes but we are holding it together. Will is doing a marvelous job, we wish you could see him. We know your feelings haven’t changed but he’s happy being here.

Mum and I are concerned with how you are holding up. You must tell Mum or me if you are struggling. I know you are taking part in all of the volunteer efforts in town as well, so don’t be afraid to speak with the others who are helping.

Love,

Dad

Eilidh Hamilton to William Hamilton

31 March 1941

Dear Will,

Happy birthday! It’s a bit frightening thinking of you as sixteen years old, but I suppose we all grow up. You are so close to being old. As much as I hate to admit it (older sisterly grudges and all), you’ve certainly done a lot of growing up recently. Maybe too much, if I’m honest. When this is all over, I hope you have some time to just be a lad again because you’ve earned it.

I sent your present two weeks ago. You don’t have to keep the ribbon this time.

E x

William Hamilton to Eilidh Hamilton

12 April 1941

Eilidh,

Sorry for the late response after you wrote for my birthday—your words are much appreciated. Thanks also for the scarf. It must have been Dad who told you I lost my other one right? I don’t think I ever told Mum about that. (So don’t you ever tell her either, is what I mean, sis.) Anyway, I’m already making good use of it, so thank you.

I have to end now since the postman is coming soon, but I’ll be more extensive in my next—too much to write at this moment. Love to Gran and all.

Will x

18 April 1941

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