#sex favorable ace

[frogsforthefrogwar]

[thefrogginbullfish]

[shinekittenace]

friendly but emphatic reminder that labels are flexible and asexuality is a spectrum

[heyftinally]

Okay, more thoughts from reading Loveless and being starkly reminded of my own life.

My dear fellow asexuals,

It's okay if your relationship to sex fluctuates.

It can be scary as fuck if you aren't expecting it, though.

For the longest time, I thought I was sex averse. Big no, not interested, never gonna happen. That was my truth for years.

Until it wasn't.

I was still asexual. I wasn't thinking about it or wanting it, say, in the middle of class when thinking about the person I was with. But I also wasn't opposed to it if they were in the mood when we were alone.

And that was a lot for me to come to terms with, especially while being in my first visibly queer relationship, and with that relationship being allo/ace with my allo partner really not understanding my aceness, *and* a whole list of other factors.

To put it bluntly, shit's scary.

So if you're ace and ever find yourself in a similar position where your feelings towards/relationship with sex changes dramatically (either way), whether now or in the future, I want you to remember some things I wish I'd Han an elder ace to tell me:

It's okay.

This doesn't mean you're suddenly not ace, or you were faking being ace before, or that you were faking how you felt about sex before, nor does it mean you're faking now.

This doesn't inherently mean you're changing yourself for your partner. Just because they may have been a catalyst doesn't automatically mean you're just pretending how you feel to make them happy (if that is what's happening, though, dump them and find someone who doesn't pressure you to change your relationship to sex to make them more comfortable - that's gross and you deserve better).

You're still ace, if that label still feels like home.

You're still valid in your sexuality.

It's okay if this is temporary, and it's okay if it's not.

You're allowed to feel however you feel about it: confused, scared, angry, sad, excited, overjoyed, and any combination of these or anything else.

If you have someone you can talk to it about and feel comfortable doing so, reach out. Lean on your support system.

It's okay to need to take a step back and sit with yourself and just come to terms with your new truth.

It's okay if it feels heavy, and it's okay if it doesn't.

Our community still loves and accepts you.

🖤 🩶 🤍 💜

[catbugboy]

as someone who is not only a sex-favorable ace, but also kinky, i have a hard time finding people like me who are open about their experiences online. i’m afraid to talk about this myself but i can’t seem to find a word that describes what i’m feeling, and i’m hoping this will reach someone who can offer some insight.

i don’t feel sexual attraction, and i fluctuate between sex repulsed/indifferent/favorable, but when i’m in the right mood, i do enjoy sex and a lot of that enjoyment comes from kinks (this isn’t the part i’m struggling with - stay with me). i might generally explain this as “the human body doesn’t arouse me, but certain actions do (sometimes).” that being said, there’s something i experience that i’ve been categorizing as a kink but can’t find any sort of affirmation of this anywhere i’ve looked online.

this is going to sound stupid at first but hear me out. basically, i find my partner’s arousal really hot??? for example, i’m not a masochist (at least, not sexually), so i don’t receive pleasure from being hurt and i wouldn’t ask to be hurt for my own satisfaction, but if hurting me gives my partner sexual pleasure, then it turns me on. alternatively, i have a big cnc kink, but even though i only actively want to be on the receiving end (i suppose that’s pretty telling), i also enjoy being on the dominant end when my partner wants it. hell, i’ve gotten turned on (and thusly confused) by participating in kinks i don’t even care for because my partner was into it. my point being, it’s not so much about my partner’s body or what we’re doing, as it is their visual and verbal pleasure that turns me on.

i could be wrong, but it seems a little more complicated than just being a switch. and to be clear, i don’t find my partner “hot” in a sexual way except when they’re getting off on me in some manner. i don’t even feel anything sexual when my partner expresses their attraction for me most of the time (and, obviously, i have to be in the right headspace for this. much to my partner’s disgruntlement, their horniness very rarely results in my horniness - this “kink” usually makes a presence when i’m already in the mood). maybe if i had a word for it, an easier way to explain it, or even just knowing someone who feels the same way, i would feel a little more secure with myself when trying to explain once again that no, i’m not demi, i’m still not sexually attracted to my partner at least 99% of the time (jury’s still out on that 1%).

and please, don’t tell me i’m not ace. the closest thing i am to allo is grey-ace, if even that, and i still fall under the asexual umbrella.

[ace-bard]

"You can't headcanon autistic characters as asexual, it desexualizes them!" It's very telling you see asexuality as desexualizing, I don't tho ;)

[my-chemical-aromance]

thinkin abt kisses <3 soft kisses! kisses on the cheeks! kisses on the nose! kisses on the forehead! kisses on the hands! kisses on the neck and shoulders! lots of quick little kisses all over! kisses while we watch tv! kisses after one of us says something funny! sweet kisses that make me blush! hiding my face in ur neck/chest after we kiss cus im all flustered! kisses!!!!

[batri-jopa]

Smartass psychologists: Pornography is unhealthy because it creates unrealistic expectations about your body and your sexual relationships

Aegosexual me watching male-gay porn while never having neither a partner nor a dick: Expectations... what?

[hoarder-of-stories-27]

There are lots of reasons why an acespec person might have sex without feeling sexual attraction. Pleasure, intimacy, reproduction, boredom, kinks or fetishes, wanting to pleasure a partner. (That's not an exhaustive list.)

Before you show your ignorance and equate asexuality to celibacy, look into what actual acespecs have to say on the subject of our identities. Of course, there are many acespecs who don't have sex, but that's no excuse for erasing those of us who do.

[butterfly-in-the-moonlight]

Note: this post discusses sex in the context of different attitudes towards it in asexuality. There is nothing explicit, only talking about the general idea of it.

When I was trying to figure out my sexuality about 4 years ago, I started questioning if I was asexual. I started engaging with asexual content online. And I related to it... for a while.

The thing is, every single thing I read was about being a sex-repulsed asexual. There was nothing telling me about asexuals who weren't sex-repulsed. So after a while, I concluded that I couldn't be asexual, because I didn't hate the idea of sex. Nobody told me that I was valid. I thought I was faking being asexual because I didn't relate to the content I was seeing. So I pushed the possibility aside.

Fast forward a couple years, probably early 2021. I learned about different attitudes towards sex, mostly within the asexual community. But because I had rejected the possibility of me being asexual years ago, the idea was completely out of my mind. I didn't think about it at all.

Back to about 4 months ago. I revisited asexuality and questioned whether or not the experience applied to me. I looked into the communities again, and I realized that there were other people like me. I don't know if that's because of the different platforms I was on, or if the general discussion shifted. But either way, I wasn't alone.

But it would be dishonest to end this post saying that I never questioned myself again. I still have doubts because I'm not sex-repulsed. There are still days when I feel like I'm faking it or intruding on the community.

So this post goes out to all of my fellow asexuals who aren't sex-repulsed. I made this post to say something I wish someone had said to me 4 years ago: You're not faking it. You do belong. Being sex-favorable or sex-neutral or whatever doesn't make you any less asexual. You are valid.

[frogsforthefrogwar]

[thefrogginbullfish]

[shinekittenace]

i love a-specs who experience sexual attraction or like sexual things

i love aroallos i love non-sam aros i love aromids i love allosexual apls i love sex-favorable aces i love gray aces i love aegos i love demisexuals i love orchidsexuals i love every a-spec who is interested in sexual things you are all so cool

[ace-culture-is]

high libido sex-positive ace culture is thinking I'm just allo but then realizing other ppl literally get Horny just from seeing a hot person ????? what. do you see a revealing ad and get horny ??? are you telling me that actually makes people horny lmao WHAT. how do you live

[heyftinally]

So it's nearing the end of ace week, and although I've celebrated, I haven't been successful in making the post I've wanted to make, despite a number of attempts. So instead, I'm just going to do this quick and dirty, unedited style.

Aspec allies, I need you to understand something very important: asexuals and aromatics are capable of consent, even if it feels "weird" to you.

Let me elaborate.

Disclaimer: I'm speaking exclusively on my ace allorom experience, as that's what I know best.

One of my ex's, while mostly great, had a really big hang up about consent. Namely, they never fully believed I was truly consenting to any and every act of physical affection. Despite numerous conversations where I swore up, down, and sideways that I would tell them if I wasn't comfortable, multiple attempts to find ways I could alleviate their concerns, and countless attempts to explain my experiences to help them see my perspective, they just couldn't get behind it. Part of them always felt like they were in some way taking advantage of me or pressuring me.

It felt...really uncomfortable. I'm an adult. I have full agency over my body and my choices concerning it. I'm fully capable of knowing where my own boundaries are, and it's my job to communicate them. It's my partner's job to trust that I'm being truthful.

So to constantly feel like I'm being babied, or that my word isn't enough to prove that I'm not lying about my boundaries, or that I somehow need special treatment around physical affection solely because I'm asexual, it felt like I was having my autonomy taken from me, in a way. Despite what I was saying, they still believed I couldn't possibly *really* be comfortable with what I was agreeing to (even things as innocent as kissing).

After we broke up, it really messed me up for a while, thinking that I somehow hadn't communicated well enough, or, worse, that I made them uncomfortable just by being who I am. And that right there is a terrible feeling, but it's essentially what happened - my asexuality made them uncomfortable. And rather than unpacking that and working on it, they continued to put these insecurities on me and expect me to repeatedly comfort them and more or less apologize for my sexuality. At least, that's how it felt.

Don't do this. It's exhausting to constantly have this weight on you that your partner feels like predatory just for being with you, and it's exhausting constantly having to come up with ways to explain our experiences in ways that we hope will make sense.

It's fine to talk about it, but please, put in the effort and do the work to unpack your hang-ups and misconceptions.

We're adults. Whole, autonomous adults. We can set boundaries and give consent, and we have a right to be able to do so. Let us have that autonomy. If you wouldn't be this hung up on your non-asexual partner's ability to give consent, don't be about ours. Just because our experiences are different doesn't change our ability to give (and revoke) consent.

[bloggingboutburgers]

I'm sorry but I need to ask

How 'realistic' are your partner's kinks?

Sorry I'm replying late – that one felt pretty private to me so ima quote my partner's words directly:

"Akfbsvsb;! Hey anon, I'm taking this as a sincere curiosity and moment to educate on kinks! Ya know, I support that!

Though I would prefer if people ask for my opinion on my account? I don't want to make my beloved uncomfy talking about kinks.

(Also ooh boi, should I be more active on my account-? Does people had an interest in my opinion? Shrugs)"

(...Bean's account is @civiart , just in case!)