Guess which oblivious asexual virgin just accidentally bought her first vibrator?
This guy. *points both thumbs at my beet red face*
I got my tax return and wanted to buy a couple things for personal comfort before all the money goes into car repairs. Specifically I’ve wanted one of those hang-over-your-chair back massage things for my computer chair, and figured I could also find a cheap handheld massage gun to get rid of those stress knots that live rent free in my shoulder blades when I’m away from my desk.
So what do I do? I do an internet search for “handheld massage gun” and read through a dozen products and reviews. And APPARENTLY my mind is so far removed from sexual thoughts that nothing pinged on the mental radar that this was anything besides a massage gun to relieve muscle stress. (There were several very obvious vibrators and dildos that popped up in the search that I ignored and filtered out of the search, but the one I bought was this)
Product title: Handheld massager.
Product description: “Rechargeable personal hand held deep tissue vibrating massager for muscles, back, foot, neck. Cordless electric percussion body massage gift for women.”
IT SAYS NOTHING ABOUT THIS BEING A SEX TOY. IT SAYS BACK FOOT AND NECK. NOTHING ABOUT GENITALS AND ORGASMS. I truly thought the “for women” was because the handle was pink. Figured I’d be paying the pink tax because it’s a cute color and I like cute things.
But soon as I open the brown box it got mailed in, I see this on the actual product packaging:
And the truth hits me like a cement truck.
What the fuck. I don’t wanna fuck. Why did they send me this fuck machine? Well fuck me I guess (but don’t really) because I must have been shipped the wrong thing and now have to return this and file a complaint to get the thing I wanted.
But no. The product number is the same. This is what I paid for.
Do allosexual people use their vibrators as massage guns for other parts of their body? I’ve never heard of that. But I also don’t follow conversations about sex toys. Because I don’t care and it kinda squicks me. Why wouldn’t the product description be clear about what this is? Why trick this poor asexual by claiming it’s a handheld back massager? (I mean, I guess technically it can be used on any part of the body I wish, but why? Why? Why market it this way?)
I have “Ace Until Proven Guilty” in my bio as a joke because too many people equate asexuality with innocence and infantilize us regardless of whether we’re sex-positive, -negative, or -neutral. I’m all for people using any sex toy they want but it’s not my thing so WHY WOULDN’T THEY STATE WHAT IT IS IN THE SALES PITCH instead of misleading me, a person who hasn’t seen a large variety of vibrators and wouldn’t recognize one on sight?
Guess I’ve been Proven Ace once again.
(It’s okay to laugh at me. This is kinda funny. If annoying.)
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Hey... Hey if you say you support aspec people that means you also need to respect repulsed aspecs. Non-partnering aspecs. Loveless aspecs. Platonic aspecs. Other a-attraction aspecs. Old aspecs. Young aspecs. Aspecs who use labels you don't understand. Non-sam aspecs. Traumatized aspecs. Dysphoric aspecs.
You cannot only support part of the community. It's either all of us or none of us. You can't play favorites because one kind of aspec makes you feel more comfortable than others.
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When I first heard the word asexual over a decade ago, as a teenager dealing with the twin manifestations of compulsory sexuality that are purity culture and hookup culture, it was a weight off of my back. It was a light in the darkness that said you do not ever have to compromise on this boundary. Not now, not later, not ever. You can live a life where your body only belongs to you and no one else can tell you what to do with it.
This is the most important thing we can fight for, in my opinion. A world where everyone can do whatever they want with their own bodies forever— including never have sex.
There is no sexual freedom without indefinite refusal. Those who choose indefinite refusal are not your enemy. You only stand to gain from recognizing and fighting for us.
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If I ever make a book it's going to be so painfully aromantic and asexual that any allos reading will die from a heart attack because of the lack of romance and sex
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When ur on the asexual spectrum and you want to read fanfiction with fluff but have to scroll past the smut
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ok so i totally like JUST figured out that i am a sex/romance-favorable aroace person from this random-ass chart i found on reddit omg
i'm definitely more romance-favorable than sex-favorable tbh tho. i probably lay somewhere between sex-favorable and sex-indifferent if we wanna get specific with it
but like!!!! i have never seen anything that described my particular experience with romance/sex so accurately before i feel so seen lmao
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me currently:
“i want people to have crushes on me so badly because i thrive on external validation and im super insecure so i really really want people to have crushes on me”
also me, being aroace and sex/romance-repulsed (if someone has a crush on me):
“pleasepleasepleaseplease nobody have a crush on me and ESPECIALLY DONT TELL ME because then i have to reject you and i hate rejecting people and then i’ll probably have to come out to avoid hurting anyone because i overthink everything ahahahha”
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Clearly Unpopular Asexual Opinion but: Trying to rebrand the asexual community as people who enjoy, obsess over, and participate in sex the socially expected amount while calling non-partnering and sex-repulsed aces "stereotypes" is not actually helping aces or the asexual community.
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Why can’t we have a campy musical about an aroace person figuring out what they are, complete with a running gag where they constantly almost throw up when sex is mentioned
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Hey, just so you know, it's ok for your feelings to fluctuate. It's ok to be sex or romance repulsed one day and not the next. It's ok to be indifferent one day and favorable the next. It's ok it you think you're sex repulsed and then realize maybe you're sex adverse. It's ok to be romance indifferent one moment and adverse the next. It's ok. Your experiences are valid.
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can we just all collectively agree that it is okay for aroace characters not to date or have sex if they clearly show no interest in it or repulsion?
can we respect that and not ship them?
or are yall too deep into amatonormativity…???
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Oh no, you found a post where someone is saying they think sex/romance is gross! Whatever shall you do?
ignore it. literally ignore it. I'm 100% serious just fucking ignore it. it literally is not a personal attack on you. do not take it as a personal attack. scroll past it, hell block if you really need to, but you do not need to respond. it is not about you buddy - not everything is about you. close your eyes and move on buddy it's that easy. literally it is not systematically oppressing you for someone to say "Ew sex" or "Ew romance". just walk away pal.
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Oh, I'm actually a sex-repulsed ALLOsexual, sorry for the confusion. No, yeah, yeah, no ,it's its Christian guilt, yeah...
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