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he-died-lottie · 1 year

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Chapter One - Who is Jackie Taylor? (Jackie Taylor x Shauna Shipman)

Summary: Shauna and Jackie have shared an unbreakable bond as best friends since elementary school. Things take an unexpected turn when Jackie approaches Shauna with a peculiar request. A request that started everything. A request that started the lie. The first lie.

Wordcount: 7, 427

Over the years, New Jersey had witnessed significant events, such as the first Miss America Pageant, the German U-Boat attacks on shipping along the coast, and even the victory of the New Jersey Devils with the Stanley Cup, making them the first team from New Jersey to claim a major league.

Everything was noteworthy. One place seemed to remain unchanged, like a constant copy and paste: Wisakayok. It begged the question, what would it take for Wisakayok to make its mark on the map of New Jersey? According to Shauna, that momentous event would be none other than Jackie Taylor.

Every morning, without fail, Shauna Shipman could be found stationed outside Jackie's house like a perfectly synchronised timepiece. Every. Single. Day.

The pre-dawn hours offered her solitude, with only the faint melodies emanating from her car's speakers to keep her company. Unfortunately, her car radio never really did work.

Shauna's solution to her radio dilemma was to coax Van into the task of making mixtapes for her.

She had a hidden agenda in her dealings with Van. When she handed Van a list of songs to put onto a tape, it was more than just a personal playlist.

Nestled among her own choices were selections meant specifically for Jackie and only ever her.

Every couple of weekends, she and Jackie would head to the local record store. These outings held a peculiar routine for them; they rarely left the store with a purchase of their own.

Instead, Shauna assumed the role of Jackie's devoted shadow, trailing behind her friend as Jackie meandered through the aisles of LPs,cassette tapes and CDs.

Observing Jackie's face lighting up with sheer delight whenever she stumbled upon a song that resonated with her. She made an effort to memorise the titles and artists of the songs that piqued Jackie's interest, hoping to commit them to memory to tell Van.

It was a small price to pay. The $5 she bartered in exchange for these sought-after songs came from the gas allowance she received for her clunker of a car that her mother had allowed her to keep if she collected her grandmother after bingo each week.

It was a small sacrifice on her part, a little bribe for the delight of receiving fresh tunes and ensuring that the soundtrack to her mornings continued to flow seamlessly until Jackie was tired of them, and the process would start again.

Shauna cracked the window on Jackie's side of the car, her head tilted toward the Taylor’s residence as she patiently awaited her friend. Leaning back against the comfortable headrest, she savoured the faint strains of Nirvana’s “About a Girl" drifting from the car's speakers—her absolute favourite band. Track One.

Her gaze remained fixed on the entrance to that picturesque American Dream house, Jackie’s parents had inherited it from her late grandmother, with all the 70’s fixings. There was always a waiting game going on for Jackie.

Then it happened. The door to the house swung open, and there she was, Miss Jackie Taylor, a vision of effortless allure.

Her bag dangled nonchalantly from her shoulder, and her hair cascaded perfectly over her shoulder with each graceful stride. Each step resonated with unwavering confidence, drawing the eyes of anyone who happened to be looking, but Jackie only had eyes for Shauna.

Jackie's eyes ignited with delight, and a cheeky smile danced across her lips as she gracefully approached Shauna's car. She bent down with a lingering smile, her gaze tracing every nuance of Shauna's face with a sense of pure joy.

Shauna, in turn, found herself captivated, her lips mirroring the same radiant smile that Jackie reserved just for her.

"Morning, Shipman," Jackie chimed in with a playful tone, her voice brimming with warmth and affection as she leaned in through the open window. "Did you miss me this weekend?" Her words were like a familiar melody, sweet and inviting.

"Is that even a question, Jax?" Shauna playfully questioned, her fingers reaching for the car's radio to lower the volume as Jackie opened the door and climbed inside.

As the door slammed shut, she tugged on the seatbelt, which she fought with for a while before it worked.

"I'll take it that you did, but I've got some news," Jackie continued, a mischievous smile tugging at her lips.

She placed her bag on her lap and unzipped the front pocket to retrieve her lipstick. Tugging the sun visor down, Jackie gazed at her own reflection with a smile while Shauna tried to observe this familiar ritual.

Shauna quickly adjusted her gaze and rested her hands comfortably on the wheel, her attention back focused on the road ahead.

Jackie, her green eyes now locked onto Shauna, leaned against the frame of the car door and couldn't contain her excitement. "So, guess what?" she chimed in, her voice filled with anticipation.

“What?”

"Daddy got a PowerBook from work," Jackie exclaimed, her enthusiasm bubbling over.

"It's like those computers in the library, but you can put it on your lap? Your lap, Shipman! How cool is that?" Jackie emphasised the sheer novelty of this concept with playful wonder.

"And the best part of this entire thing? I get to use AOL when he’s not working on it, but you know he can never say no to me”

Shauna rolled her eyes, Mr. Taylor had a big paying office job in New York. Everyone in Wiskayok knew that the Taylors had money and that Jackie’s parents just loved to spoil her with it. "AOL? What would you be doing on AOL, Jax?"

"You mean who"

"Who?"

"Who else? Jeff Sadecki, Shauna. Jeff," Jackie declared, her voice tinged with a mix of mischief and affection.

The second she heard the name “Jeff”, her stomach twisted in a mix of unease.

Everyone on the Yellowjackets team knew that Jackie had a crush on Jeff for sometime now, something that could never escape Shauna’s notice as much as she tried.

“Why would you talk to Jeff on AOL when you won’t even talk to him at school?” Shauna asked, her brown eyes quickly flashing to Jackie, who was carefully applying the rouge to her lips.

“Wouldn’t it make more sense to just go up and talk to him and I dunno, ask him out for once?”

Jackie’s gaze darkened when she turned to look at Shauna who shifted her eyes on the road. “You know I’ve been waiting for him to ask me out, Shipman. He just needs a little nudge. Besides, if our love is meant to be, he'll be a gentleman." She looked into the small rectangle mirror, trying to remain optimistic.

Jackie finally realised the song that was playing in the car — Nirvana

“Again, Shipman?”

“Mhm. Forward it on then, Miss Bossy” She tried to maintain her focus on the road, resisting the urge to catch a glance at Jackie.

It was in the little things, the detail of getting Van to assign Jackie’s song to number 9, her Yellowjackets Jersey number. Not that Jackie would ever realise that.

Jackie reached forward toward the dials, with Shauna’s anticipation building. Her fingers slowly moved through the songs until she reached her current favourite song. Jackie had to rewind it a couple seconds, to get the song right at the beginning.

Turning her head slowly to look at Jackie, a wide grin spread across her face. The unspoken connection between them, painted a matching smile on both of their faces.

“Is…is that Boombastic? No, you didn’t, Shipman!” Jackie exclaimed with a playful giggle escaping her lips so effortlessly. Her school bag landed on the car floor with a thud.

With a nimble hand, she unfastened her own seatbelt, and Shauna’s attention was instantly drawn from the road to her friend. The sight of Jackie, lit up with nothing with excitement.

“Put your seatbelt on, Jax!”

“Make me, Shipman!”

“Don’t make me pull this car over, Jackie”

“Oh please! You won’t do it, Shauna! I know you! You won’t have us late for school!” The energy that always came from Jackie was infectious.

Reaching forward, she cranked the volume up to its highest setting. The music surged through the car’s speakers, the pulsating rhythm that almost made it tremble.

The chorus hit, Jackie couldn’t resist. She started singing along, her voice rising above the lyrics as she belted them out with unbridled enthusiasm.

Her hands shot up into the air, and she playfully ruffled her own hair, immersed in the moment. Then, with a gleeful spirit, she began to tug the window down even further than it already was.

Leaning out, her excitement was uncontainable, as if she were trying to touch the music itself, becoming one with the song and the open air.

Every morning, come rain or shine, this had become their routine, with Jackie consistently sporting a smile and Shauna dreading to get out of bed.

Arriving at the Wiskayok High School, the casual gathering in the parking lot happened. Those meeting up with one another for class, those out for a sneaky smoke, trying to make those last five minutes count before being called in.

Pulling into an empty parking space, the car engine finally went from a rumble to silence. Meanwhile, Jackie reached into her bag, unzipping it, revealing her notebook.

“I don’t know what you’re doing with that notebook, Jax.”

“Come on, Shipman. Won’t you do it? Won’t you do it for me?” She slowly nibbled down on the corner of her bottom lip, her gaze locking onto Shauna’s with those green eyes.

A groan escaped the lips of the brown-eyed girl as she unfastened her seatbelt and turned off the ignition, removing her keys from the engine. She turned to Jackie, who was looking at her with hope in her eyes.

"Why can't you do it?"

"Hey! I'd do it for you."

"With who?"

"Um... Randy?"

"Randy... Randy Walsh? You're kidding, Jax!" Randy Walsh was hands down one of the most disgusting guys at Wiskayok High School in Shauna's opinion.

"You have AP Math with Jeff and I'd have to bump into him in the hallway. Imagine asking for his AOL username in the hallway, Shauna? Imagine the scene it would cause,"

"Jackie, what would me and Jeff Sadecki ever have to talk about?" Shauna's words hung in the air, and silence enveloped them before Jackie's lips slowly parted with a gentle expression crossing her face. Her response was soft.

"Me?"

If Jackie could do anything, it would make you pause. Shauna couldn’t even respond at that moment. They exchanged glances at one another, for that moment as she allowed for it to sink it.

She finally raised her hands to her face, rubbing her eyes roughly before she shook her head one final time.

"You don't think asking him for his username for you is worse?" Shauna questioned.

"I don't want to come off as desperate. I just want you to casually slip it in there and be like, 'Well, if you have AOL, then here's Jackie's username,' just really subtle. Wait, wait. Power move: you get him to write down his username, and then I'll just find the time later to add him, you know? Have him waiting, wondering if I'll add him or not, that kind of thing because it’s not coming from me, Shipman. It’s you giving him a little nudge, that’s all!”

“But-”

“Please?”

The words echoed in her ears as Shauna shut her eyes tightly for a moment, releasing a sigh before nodding decisively. She opened her eyes, meeting Jackie's gaze, and reluctantly accepted the notebook. Jackie let out a quiet happy squeal as she reached into her bag, retrieving a pen.

Without hesitation, she leaned forward into Shauna's personal space. Jackie had never been one to shy away from someone's personal space; she always seemed to effortlessly invade it.

With a gentle touch, she reached up to Shauna, tucking the pen behind her ear, and then her fingers deftly adjusted the strands of Shauna's dark brown hair.

"No excuses from him not to write it now," Jackie remarked with a smirk. Shauna’s breath was taken away.

Sure, Jackie and her had hugged about a million times, shared a bed together on sleepovers, done each other's makeup, but there were times when Jackie could still catch her off guard.

A moment when Shauna would forget that it was Jackie, her ‘Best friend’ and felt like it was something different. Something more.

“Jackie, I-” Shauna started, almost spilling a secret she wasn’t aware of herself.

“Yeah Shipman?” Jackie asked, her hand still cradling the side of her face.

“I don’t have any classes with Jeff until the end of the day” Shauna relented, wishing she never had to be such a stand up citizen and be the saviour of Jackie Taylor’s life.

“That’s okay, silly! Not like I can message him until later on anyway”

The school bell rang a warning that they only had a couple minutes before class started. Jackie hopped out of the car, flashing her signature smile and waving goodbye to her best friend.

As Jackie walked away, Shauna could only sit there, helpless, and watch her. Always being the one to watch her walk away.

She would always disappear from view, but Shauna held onto one thing every-time. Just as she was about to vanish, she would consistently glance over her shoulder at Shauna, leaving her to wonder why.

That was the enigma of Jackie; she had known her most of her life, and she always kept guessing, leaving her in a constant state of wonder. It was like a game of chess with Jackie, where she could never predict her next move

When the final bell rang, Shauna left her car and entered Wiskayok School building, making a beeline for the library. A free period mostly meant she was to study or work on homework or any projects, but Shauna being the ever present best friend, she grabbed a free pc.

After all, why would Jackie only want to message Jeff? Shauna was her best friend first long before Jeff came into the picture. Even though her parents wouldn’t buy a desktop pc or a powerbook thingy, it didn’t mean that she was without a pc.

Lottie Mathews' parents proudly sponsored Wiskayok’s women's soccer team, as well as most of the other interests Lottie had in the school. Debate, science, music, french studies and of course, computing. While the school might have only excelled in the Yellowjackets women’s team, they still generously supplied the school with the latest technology.

Shauna gingerly tried to navigate her away around the PC, which she’s never had to touch before.

It wasn’t at all as easy as a telephone or even a walkman, but the pc had an easy check list posted on the wall above the screen on tips on getting your pc to work.

After a minute of trying to find out what the “Mouse” was, she made a quick log in, and then struggled for a while to find the “start menu” which was actually right in front of her the whole time. She couldn’t help but feel stupid for struggling with the technology, but anything for Jackie, right?

Jeff Sadecki and Jackie Taylor’s love story was going to revolve around this very technology, and all Shauna could do was watch.

On the start menu she located the little yellow running man symbol and double clicked.

Everything Shauna did, she did for Jackie. Touching a PC was not on her bingo card. She felt herself pause when the “enter Screen Name” prompted, she couldn’t help but feel the absence of Jackie’s brainstorming.

She anxiously nibbled at the corner of her lip and let out a quiet sigh under her breath, missing her friend's guidance in the moment. With a sense of anticipation tingling in the air, she finally began to type.

Her fingers moved deliberately, caressing the keys with a rough touch. Yet, as her thoughts raced ahead of her fingers, a subtle groan of frustration escaped her lips.

She had pressed the wrong key, and the screen now displayed “S-H-I-T-M-A-N” instead of what she intended. Fuck. After pressing the keys randomly, she finally found the backspace and was able to change Shitman to Shipman.

A little x appears beside her name. A surge of questions swirled within her mind. How could this happen? Was her chosen screen name already in use? Nobody in school shared her second name.

She squinted at the computer screen, her eyes darting nervously around the room. Summoning her courage, she hesitated for a moment before finally deciding to press the “Enter” key.

A popup window promptly appeared, bearing the discouraging message in bold letters “TAKEN SCREEN-NAME!” her heart sank as the frustration welled within her.

She began clicking relentlessly, the persistent “bing” sound echoing from the speakers like a relentless reminder. With each click, her determination to secure her name only grew stronger.

If she couldn’t use her name or anything like her name, she would have to use something else. Maybe her favourite animal and her favourite colour? No, taken as well.

How ironic. Everything about her seemed to be taken by someone else. The only thing she could think that differentiated her from other girls was her “deplorable” taste in music, or so Jackie called it.

“Only men are supposed to like grunge bands like Nirvana and The Smiths and what do you call them British boys, Oasis?”

She typed some of her favourite song names into the screen name box and nothing worked until she typed “BigMouthStrikes” and a small tick graced her eyes.

If Jeff got to talk to Jackie, why couldn’t Shauna? With a triumphant smile curling on her lips, she confidently pressed the “Enter” key, successfully saving her username.

Shauna Shipman 1 Technology 0.

She retrieved Jackie’s notebook from her bag, handling it with care as she gently flipped it open to the first clean page. Her eyes darted around her bag, searching for a pen.

Her mind drifted back to the memory of Jackie’s gentle touch earlier, the way she had delicately brushed Shauna’s hair back from her ear, releasing a quiet sigh that still echoed in her thoughts. Her hand instinctively moved to the ear, where she had tucked away the pen earlier.

Scribbling down “BigMouthStrikes” on the centre of the page.

After twenty minutes of messing around on the pc and playing solitaire for a bit, the bell rang announcing the end of her free period. The day dragged on with an agonising slowness, an interminable crawl that seemed to defy the very laws of time itself.

How could it be this slow? Her mind was consumed by a single, daunting thought – the impending moment when she would have to get Jeff's username for Jackie.

It shouldn’t bother her this much, should it? As the hours inched by, her anxiety grew like a shadow cast by the setting sun. The only thing that was getting her through today was getting to drop Jackie home. That was her and Jackie’s time. No interruptions, just them.

When she finally entered the maths classroom, her eyes instinctively scanned the room until they settled on Jeff. He occupied a seat at the back, the farthest corner from the door, and sat right beside the window.

Jeff’s face adorned with a maddeningly smug grin wearing his baseball jersey, that was enough to have Shauna gritting her teeth in frustration.

With a determined resolve, she swung her bag around her shoulder, tugging the zipper down forcefully as she marched into the classroom. Each step down the aisle of desks, her free hand tracing a path among the wooden surfaces until she found herself standing right in front of Jeff.

Clearing her throat, her voice quivered slightly as her entire focus locked onto Jeff who was busy looking out the window.

“Hi Jeff!” The silence that hung in the air was thick enough to be cut with a knife.

Jeff slowly turned his head towards her, his expression was warm, but his eyes searched her face as he struggled to put a name to the girl who had suddenly appeared in front of him. The brutal truth was, he couldn’t recall her name, even though he knew he should know her.

“Hey…Hey you.” A soft smile played at the corner of his lips as he finally spoke, his voice was as warm as the expression on his face, inviting even.

“You? We’ve been in the same classes since middle school. Shauna Shipman?” and then she added with a beat when no notion of recognition reached his eyes, “Jackie Taylor’s friend?”

“Oh! Jackie! Jackie’s friend, yeah! Got it! I remember” He didn’t remember her, but he knew Jackie. Everyone knew Jackie.

“I-yeah. Anyway, Jeff, I’m here because, well, Jackie was wondering if you used AOL? She just made one and wanted to know if you might have one too.”

“Uh yeah! It’s-”

“Here, write it down” Without waiting for Jeff to respond, she reached into her bag and pulled out Jackie’s notebook.

Right at that moment, their teacher Mr. Williams, an old grumpy man, walked into the room, making everyone quickly take their seats. Shauna, not having time to explain much to Jeff, took her seat and continued with class.

At the end of class, when Shauna was packing up her bag, Jeff approached her desk, “Here you are Shauna” and left the journal on her desk. She stuffed it into her bag without checking his username and rushed to soccer practice.

Soccer practice was the beacon of light that was guiding Shauna through her day. She didn’t even like soccer, but getting bossed around by Jackie for an hour didn’t sound like such a bad idea.

The Yellowjackets locker room was always charged with an electric buzz of excitement. The girls excluded an infectious enthusiasm, not out of arrogance, but because they genuinely knew how good they were.

It wasn’t about gloating, it was about recognizing their potential. The possibility of making it to nationals this year hung in the air like an unspoken promise, and everyone understood how monumental that achievement would be.

Jackie, in particular, frequently emphasised the opportunity, hinting at the transformative impact it would have on their lives, or Jackie’s life.

Practice had unfolded smoothly, with the team fine-tuning a few aspects to prepare for their upcoming game.

Shauna, now in the locker room, began to unlace her boots while stealing glances at her teammates. The atmosphere was always lively in this space, filled with unspoken bonds.

Natalie and Lottie, inseparable as always, sat side by side. Their conversations always seemed like secret exchanges, with Natalie sporting a toothy grin as she casually brushed off whatever Lottie had just said.

Meanwhile, Van was passionately sharing her thoughts on the latest movie she had seen, her excitement palpable. Taissa, her close friend, playfully elbowed her whenever Van’s enthusiasm threatened a little too deafening.

Laura Lee, well, she existed in a world entirely her own, lost in her thoughts, as enigmatic ever. The locker room was a tapestry of personalities, each player contributing their unique colour to the team’s vibrant spirit.

All that was missing was Jackie. The locker room door swung open, and in walked Jackie, the whirlwind of energy and charisma that she always was. Her emerald eyes swept over her teammates before locking onto Shauna.

With a confident stride, she took a seat beside her, arms crossed, and inquisitive tilt of her head. The two locked eyes for a brief moment, green and brown.

“So?” Jackie began, her lips parting slowly

“So?” Shauna replied, raising an eyebrow as she tugged at a stubborn lace, trying to undo her mucky boots.

“How did it go?” Jackie pressed, her green eyes brimming with curiosity and longing.

“I think we played pretty well. It’s only training, but I-” Shauna started to say, but Jackie cut her off.

“Not soccer, silly! Jeff! Earth to Shipman? Did you ask him?”

“Mhm, of course I did, Jax. You asked.”

“You always pull through, Shipman!”

“Mhm.”

“Do you have the notebook with you now?” Jackie leaned in closer, inches away from Shauna’s face as her excitement was palpable. Shauna felt her throat tighten, blinking quickly as she adjusted her head back

“Uh, yeah,” Her reply was quick, reaching for her bag, which was slumped against her locker.

She pulled out Jackie’s notebook and handed it over to her, a curious look on her face. Why did she need it so badly? It wasn’t like she could add Jeff right now.

“You’re my favourite, you know that? Don’t you?”

“I was going to give it to you in the car”

“No time, Shipman! Times of the essence! Mom’s already in the car park.”

“Your mom? I always drop you home, Jackie”

“I want to be there when he gets home!” Her determination was unwavering

“But–”

“I need to get home quickly, Shipman. Don’t worry, you’re still my favourite! I’ll catch you tomorrow, won’t I?” Jackie explained, not giving Shauna a chance to respond.

With that, she turned on her heels and headed towards the door quickly, glancing over her shoulder to offer Shauna her signature smile, leaving Shauna to stare. Jackie had been unusually short with her, abruptly leaving without their usual banter. It was their established routine, but of course, Jackie was changing it to suit her mission of talking to Jeff.

Is that all Shauna meant to her? Jeff is added to the equation, and suddenly Shauna is just a passing thought? Once she had the notebook, she was gone. She couldn’t help but wonder about the fine line between showing interest and appearing desperate, but yet..she was running home to add him straight away. Typical.

Was this really how it was going to be? Did Jackie have any intention of adding her, including her? It felt like an icy breeze of indifference. Everything seemed to revolve around Jeff, that stupid Jeff Sadecki.

The frustration built up within her, and she questioned herself – why did she even care? Why did she have this nagging feeling to see if Jackie had even added her.

She casted her gaze downward, avoiding any interaction with the other girls, her chest constricting as anxiety rendered her mind blank. The library was now her urgent lifeline, a necessity rather than a mere desire. She needed to know. She wanted to know.

Shedding out of her soccer uniform, she slipped into a pair of jeans and a band t-shirt, her thoughts consumed by Jackie. Jackie fucking Taylor. An internal battle raged within her, a continuous chant urging her to confront Jackie tomorrow, but she needed to confirm her suspicions that gnawed at her like a relentless hunger.

Ignoring the other girls, she made a beeline for the exit, leaving them behind without a word. Just as she reached the door, a familiar voice called out, uttering “Shipman?” She didn’t bother to turn around to match the voice with a face, she didn’t care.

All that mattered now was finding out the truth.

The bustling school corridors filled with students hurriedly getting what they needed from the lockers, she pressed on, pushing through the crowd.

Her determination urged her to opt for the stairs, choosing a route to get there. Outside of the library was deserted which provided a small comfort – no one needed to witness the intensity of her desperation.

Finally arriving at the library, she pushed open the door with a relieved sigh, shoulders slumping as she stepped inside noticing the computers were empty. The quiet solace of the library was a welcome change from the chaos of practice.

A moment of peace, a moment to herself for once that day. No pressure from her teachers, classmates, teammates, Jeff, Jackie. She could finally breathe.

Her thoughts were spiralling into a massive dark hole all focused solely on her green eyed friend. She was probably sitting at home, up in her perfectly pink bedroom with her powerbook in her lap, messaging Jeff and giggling and falling in love and falling away from her.

Far away from Shauna’s clutches. Far away from the safety of their duo. Jackie and Shauna.

Soon it would be Jackie, Jeff, and Shauna.

Maybe it would just be Jackie and Jeff with no Shauna.

She had never been Just Shauna.

Jackie had always been there.

She grabbed the desktop pc she had been using earlier, used to its mouse and keyboard. A newfound solace.

As she waited for the beast of technology to fire up and loudly connect to the modem, she clicked the large white space bar, willing the machine to hurry up so she could settle her worries.

Get her thoughts in before Jackie was lost to her forever.

AOL soon graced her eyes as she typed in her username but had to restart as she mistyped everything. Her index fingers slowly typing each letter as her eyes scanned the keyboard, not yet used to the layout. She hoped she would get faster with more use of it.

She then made a mental note to start taking another five dollars from her gas allowance to save up and buy her own pc. That would trump Jeff Sadecki and his stupid pc.

Once AOL was opened on the homepage she realised she never got Jackie’s username.

She could only wait for Jackie to add her. It was hopeless.

Who was she kidding? Jackie wouldn’t remember her when she would be too busy waiting for Jeff.

Her eyes remained fixed on the screen, an emptiness consuming her thoughts as thoughts as they spiralled out of control. She fought desperately to stem the tide of emotions threatening to engulf her, but when it came to Jackie, those defences were fragile at best.

Did Jackie not care? She hadn’t even bothered to add her, but she knew that she probably had the time to add Jeff.

She chastised herself for ever granting Jackie that screenname, a decision that now haunted her, it was like a nagging feeling that she should’ve refused to do it for Jackie, but when did Shauna ever say no to Jackie? Or even better, she should’ve made up some excuse that Jeff didn’t have one.

She wrestled with the internal conflict of not wanting to hurt Jackie, maybe she cared too much. The thought of causing her any harm weighed heavily on her conscience. Why should she care? Why should she live in that moment?

If Jackie wanted to hurt Shauna, she could.

As her anxiety swelled, it clawed its way into her throat, constricting it and making her lip quiver in nervous anticipation.

Questions raced through her mind like a whirlwind. Would Jackie go through the same effort to get Shauna's screen-name if she didn’t give it?

She couldn’t stop thinking about Jackie and Jeff. Would they have those late-night conversations about their future at 4am, like the ones she and Jackie shared during sleepovers? The thought of Jackie falling in love should fill her with joy for her friend, but instead, it stirred a complex mix of emotions.

Part of her wanted to feel that level of love and emotion, to be wholly attached to someone. Jeff would fall for Jackie, how couldn’t he? Yet, for now, she knew she’d find herself merely observing from the sidelines, living vicariously through them.

To love someone without caution.

A bitter smile played across her lips, and she couldn’t help but mutter under her breath, “Whatever, Jackie.”

She reached for the mouse, her fingers dragging it across the table with a sense of determination. Home. She wanted to go home. Her cursor hovered over the “sign out” button, a small act of defiance that felt empowering.

Just as she was about to click, the screen emitted an unexpected, grating sound that was almost like a door creaking open. Her brown eyes widened in surprise, her gaze immediately drawn to the new pop-up that materialised on her screen.

At the top of the box, the words “yellowjackets9 - Instant Message” was highlighted, and a beep resonated through the silence, signalling her arrival.

Jackie.

“Yellowjackets9 has signed in”

Staring at the screen, a whirlwind of thoughts swirled through her mind. What should she say? What could she possibly say in this unexpected moment?

She should be angry. Angry that Jackie left. Her eyes shifted to the keyboard in front of her, fingers poised over it, ready to type a response. Before she could decide on her words, another beep emanated from the screen

Yellowjackets9: Heyyy :)

Her gaze remained fixed on the smiley face that had been included in her message, a silent inner battle raging within her.

Don’t do it, Shauna. Don’t. She cautioned herself, but her lips betrayed her intentions as they curved into a gentle smile. She shouldn’t have been jumping to conclusions.

BigMouthStrikes: Heyyy Jackie :)

Yellowjackets9: how did you know it was me?

BigMouthStrikes: 9 is your jersey number

Yellowjackets9: you knew that?

BigMouthStrikes: Of course I did

Yellowjackets9: Awh, that’s sooo sweet :) How are you today?

BigMouthStrikes: I’m okay, I’m feeling a little bit tired

Yellowjackets9: Oh noo! :( Long day?

BigMouthStrikes: Practice always has me beat. How was your day?

Yellowjackets9: It was okay

Yellowjackets9: But getting to talk to you now? I think it’s looking much better :)

Staring at Jackie's words on the screen, she couldn’t help but feel a warmth spreading within her. The smile that graced her lips was genuine and wide, it was a reassuring feeling to know that she was wanted

BigMouthStrikes: I’m glad you added me

Yellowjackets9: Of course I would, silly x

BigMouthStrikes: What are you doing right now?

Yellowjackets9: Just talking to you :)

BigMouthStrikes: Only me?

Yellowjackets9: Who else?? What are you doing right now?

BigMouthStrikes: Talking to you

Yellowjackets9: Jinx. What’s your screen-name mean?

BigMouthStrikes: It’s a song by the Smiths

Yellowjackets9: Oh! The Smiths! I love them

Since when did Jackie like.. nevermind love the Smiths? She’d get into the car with her smug grin, hitting the radio to turn it off because it’s "too depressing".

BigMouthStrikes: Since when?

Yellowjackets9: Since forever

BigMouthStrikes: I didn’t know you liked the Smiths?

Yellowjackets9: There’s a lot you don’t know about me x

The first time she could excuse. The second was definitely not a mistake. Should she write one back? She didn’t know but all she knew was, her stomach turned at the idea of Jackie sending her an ‘X’.

The same ‘X’ that she had signed every message with an ‘X’. Like with X's and O's from when they were kids, sending each other Valentine's Day cards.

Letting each other know that X's and O's were kisses and hugs and you only ever sent them if you really liked a person or they were very special to you.

BigMouthStrikes: Like what? x

Yellowjackets9: Won’t you have to keep talking to me to find out? x

BigMouthStrikes: I’m listening

Yellowjackets9: Why don’t you message me tomorrow to find out x

BigMouthStrikes: Maybe I will

Yellowjackets9: I know you will. I better go and get started on maths :( Must be nice to be good at it! Haha

BigMouthStrikes: You’re good at other things x

Yellowjackets9: I wish x I’ll talk to you tomorrow, won’t I?

BigMouthStrikes: Of course you will

Yellowjackets9: Night!

BigMouthStrikes: Goodnight Jackie

Yellowjacket9: Sleep tight Jeff :) x

Yellowjackets9 has signed out

Talking to Jackie was like - wait- Jeff. Wait. JEFF? No. This wasn’t happening. It hit her like a sudden storm, and she slumped in her chair, her posture shifting into a defeated slouch.

Her gaze remained fixated on the one word on the screen that bothered her “Jeff.” She now knew that Jackie didn’t realise that she wasn’t talking with Jeff, it was just her. The entire misunderstanding churned her stomach, filling her with a sense of queasiness.

She couldn’t help replaying the messages over and over, each typed word, every little “X” which was a symbolising affection, all of it… all of it was meant for Jeff.

She's been hurt before but this, this hurt the most. She’d tell her. She’d tell her tomorrow, wouldn’t she? A part of her was curious, a desire to uncover the depths of Jackie Taylor feelings and thoughts, the part of her that always seemed hidden and unknown.

Her hands found their way to her cheeks, her elbows resting against the table as she gazed ahead, lost in her own thoughts. The library’s quiet was suddenly interrupted by a loud gasp. A voice cutting through the silence, unmistakable and equally aggravating. Misty Fucking Quigley.

“Shauna Shipman! Weird seeing you without Jackie. What are you doing here? Are you signing up for AV Club?” Without Jackie. That stung like salt in a wound.

“Hey Misty. AV Club? Since when do we have an AV club?” Shauna questioned as she was flustered after talking to Jackie. She desperately needed something to divert her thoughts. It looked like it was going to be Misty Quigely.

“Since when did we have An AV Club” Misty repeated in a teasing tone before her laughter faded, and she regarded Shauna with a puzzled expression. Was Shauna being serious right now?

“It’s been five months now, Shauna! You don’t remember the flyers? I made them and hung them up myself. I even asked Jackie if I could talk about it in the locker room! I think the girls are too busy; none of them signed up, yet”

Misty mention of the flyers triggered a sudden recollection in Shauna’s mind. Her eyes widened as the memory resurfaced. She nodded slowly, piercing it all together.

Those obnoxious illuminated yellow and green flyers – that wasn’t said lighty. They were absolutely everywhere, plastered on every locker, even in the toilet stalls.

She vividly remembered Jackie tearing one of them down from her locker, her expression a mix of disbelief and irritation followed with a “What the fuck is this crap?”

“Yeah…the flyers,” Shauna mumbled in response, her memory now fully jogged.

However, no recollection of Misty promoting the AV Club in the locker room ever came to her. They all listen to Misty as much as they listen to Laura Lee’s prayer – that is to say, not at all.

“I knew you’d remember, Shauna. Are you interested?”

“Not right now, Misty.”

“Can I help you with anything, Shauna? I’m handsfree until the boys come! Got a whole gang for AV club ready to come in soon. I’m going to need your pc, just incase”

“Um…I was about to go anyway, hold on. Let me try to turn this off” She grumbled as she went to move the mouse but it didn’t move on the screen, she clicked hard for a second as she roughly tried to move it as the curly blonde stared at her, she almost danced over to Shauna.

“No no! Misty! I’ve got this!” She stated but before she knew it, Misty was standing beside her with a soft smile as she lifted the mouse up out of Shauna’s hand, pulling a piece of lint from the scanner/button/etc she put down with a thud.

“Now! All fixed-” Misty began before her eyes met Shauna’s screen, she had never wanted the world to swallow her as much as she did in this very moment.

Shauna shut her eyes firmly before she heard Misty read out the final line “Sleep tight, Jeff. Jeff? As in Jeff Sadecki? Wait…Isn’t that.. Isn’t that Jackie? Are you talking to Jackie…as…as” Misty began to piece the puzzle together.

As much as Shauna disliked the girl, she knew she wasn't stupid.

“It’s not what it looks like”

“You’re talking to Jackie as Jeff.”

“The screennames just…they got jumbled up, Misty. I-I’m going to fix it tomorrow morning, it’s not a big deal. It was just…please don’t tell, I need to be the one to tell her.”

“Well, Shauna. Here’s the thing. I’m not going to tell Jackie because why would I..but who would I actually tell? I…but..but..if you’re going to ask something of me, I need to ask something of you,” Misty explained, and Shauna couldn’t help but frown.

Was Misty Fucking Quigely reallytrying to blackmail her? Jackie couldn’t even imagine this. Scratch that.

“What do you want, Misty?”

“I’m gonna need you…need you just to..” She began as she slowly pushed the clipboard she was holding firmly against her chest onto the table, sliding it across to Shauna along with a pen that rocked back and forth.

There were only three names on the clipboard, one of them being Misty, the other with the last name also ending in Quigley, and then a random person – three members. Misty was kicking her out of a library with eight computers for three people.

“I’m going to need you to sign up for AV.”

“You want me to join the AV club? Is this a joke?”

“No, it’s not! I really need you to do this for me, Shauna! We can’t make the yearbook with just three members. You need a minimum of four. You’d be our fourth! We can make it into the yearbook; we could actually have a photo…I could actually have a photo as the AV captain, just like Jackie has with Yellowjackets. Please,” Misty explained desperately, but Shauna had no other choice.

She reluctantly grabbed the pen and scribbled her name down. Misty’s face lit up, and she wrapped her arms around Shauna in a hug that caught her off guard.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“Don’t mention it..really..please don’t mention it,” Shauna mumbled quietly as Misty let her go. Misty leaned forward, she moved the mouse to the sign out button, clicking it firmly with a mischievous smile on her lips.

“Nothing to see here,” she said with a wink, and Shauna couldn’t help but feel her stomach twist. Misty knowing her secret was her worst nightmare. Today couldn’t get worse.

Hearing the door open, Shauna felt her face flush with embarrassment as she hastily grabbed her bag. Her gaze shifted to a slender boy with matching wild curly blonde hair, accompanied by another boy with pimples who stood closely beside him

“Hey Gang! Meet Shauna Shipman, our newest member! Our Fourth! May the Fourth be with you, Shauna! Or should I say the fourth is with us” Misty chimed out, and Shauna only wished that she’d drop dead.

Grabbing her bag firmly, she attempted to stand up, only to hear a collective “Oh god” from the boys. It seemed she was even too geeky for the geeks.

“How did she rope you in, Shauna?” The blonde boy called out, causing Shauna’s lips to tighten.

“I’ll have you know, Shipman is part of the Yellowjackets, THE Yellowjackets! She wanted to make sure we got into the yearbook this year. Can we get a round of applause?” Misty began, but instead of an applause, there was only Misty clapping.

Shauna went to walk but Misty caught her again

“Shauna, before you go! Did you know I’m a magician”

“What, Misty?”

“I said, did you know I’m a magician?”

“No.”

“Watch this.” Misty closed her eyes, raised her hand inches from the computer, and wiggled her fingers like a magician would do when they’re hypnotising someone.

She added, “When I say ‘sleep’ you will fall right asleep.” Shauna didn’t even know how to react. She wished she could tell Jackie, she would’ve done anything to share whatever she was witnessing.

“Sleep!” Misty yelled out, leaning forward to press the sleep button on the computer, and it turned off. But there was no laughter, everyone was silent.

“That’s so lame, Misty!” One of the boys yelled out

“You’re embarrassing us,” the other added. Shauna held her breath, her eyes on Misty, who looked down at the ground. Biting the inside of her mouth, Shauna finally spoke up

“I thought it was cool, Misty. I’ve gotta go now, though. I have homework to catch up on,” Shauna added, trying to diffuse the awkward situation. Misty smiled widely at her, watching her walk away. “See you at next week's session AV bestie!”

“See! Shauna thought it was cool!” Misty then added, turning to the boys.

“She’s only saying that!” one of them said, as Shauna reached the doors of the library.

“No, she isn’t!”

After today, Shauna couldn’t help but wonder how she was ever going to face tomorrow.

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