#she also used to live in Chicago! it’s very cool

[princessfbi]

okey so i need some tv recs for this hiatus 911 fan overall procedure fans i guess that's all the vibe i can think of to ask lol so hit me with your recs

EXCELLENT! So glad you’ve come to me Nonnie. I am honored. This is in no particular order but in terms of general procedurals with similar 911 vibes I’ve got a couple:

1. Sirens

It’s about a paramedic team in Chicago and it’s fucking hilarious. We're talking laugh out loud can still quote it from memory hilarious. There’s two seasons and each episode is about 25 minutes so it’s easy to get through. There is a British counterpart that is also funny but it’s definitely a different tone for sure.

**If you were a fan of Arrow then you'll recognize Josh Segarra

***Also you can scream with me and @lucydonato about the show

2. ER

I always describe 911 to people as ER for first responders. Part of that is because it’s so episodic. It gets really melodramatic at times and there are a LOT of story lines but for the most part the general stakes keep to one episode at a time and the show gives you permission to let things go which is nice. I’m a fan of the earlier seasons as opposed to the later seasons but Angela Bassett is in the last season. Lots of great guest spots and very character driven.

**Characters do die in this show so be aware of MCD warnings. No one is safe in that show. Except maybe Noah Wylie but that's cus it's Noah Wylie.

3. Numb3rs

It’s an awesome crime procedural with a twist on it. The oldest brother, Don, is an FBI agent who has his baby brother, Charlie, help him solve crime using math. This show has all the tropes too. Brother relationship, found family, etc etc.

4. Psych

It’s a procedural with a much lighter tone. Shawn pretends to be psychic and solves crime. It’s chaotic and messy and wonderful and perfect.

**Gives me coming home from the pool and vegging on the couch summer vibes.

5. Castle

On the same side of the coin, it’s another procedural with a twist. Castle is a successful mystery novelist who helps solve crime. Nathan Fillion for those fans of The Rookie and there's a lot powerful female characters in it.

6. Murder, She Wrote

MSW walked so that Castle could run. This is an oldie but a good. Angela Lansbury is a mystery writer who solves crime. It’s super cool knowing that she insisted on hiring a lot of older guest stars so that they could continue to be in the union and get their benefits. Also omg the 80s/90s wardrobe. There's also a couple of episodes with other detectives and crime solvers when Angela started to get tired carrying the weight of quality television on her shoulders.

7. Drop Dead Diva

THIS is such a good law procedural. It has the added bonus as having the same casting director as 911 so you’ll see a lot of familiar faces. But Deb is a model who died and got reincarnated in the body of a plus size lawyer named Jane and it’s the most wonderful little nugget that just existed in its own space. It was SO ahead of it's time on certain issues and it deals with a variety of topics such as body shaming, slut shaming, mental health, etc in such a kind and compassionate and positive way.

**Gives me late summer 'I haven't moved from the couch and omg it's season three' vibes

8. Scorpion

A team of geniuses (with neurodivergent representation in action genre scenarios) who help solve crime and crisis situations for homeland security. Lots of found family feelings! SO MANY! Big time character driven show.

9. White Collar

A white collar criminal agrees to help solve crime with the FBI agent who arrested him. Neal is so whumpable and it's one of the few times I've seen a fandom really embrace the idea of a poly relationship in fanon? Idk I wasn't really in it but the fics I saw all seemed to agree that no one would complain if Peter, Neal, and Elizabeth all lived happily ever after with their golden retriever. NOW, I will say this is a Jeff Eastin show and he has a tendency to take the amazing female characters in the show, throw them in a blender, and then bring them back as Frankenstein's monster bride and act like he didn't just ruin their character and it drives me fucking insane. BUT those first couple of seasons are fantastic.

Ask Me for TV Recs To Get You Through Hiatus

[artiststarme]

What If Steve Were To Leave Hawkins? Part 5

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Feeling a little evil for this one. I'm sorry guys (but also not really). Warning for migraines and a minor panic attack. Enjoy the angst!

I think I tagged everybody that wanted to be tagged. If you would like to be added to the taglist, let me know!

~*~*~*~

Steve missed home and he missed working with Robin. It was a busy Monday morning at the coffee shop and he had served many an unhappy patron. If he were working a shift at Family Video, Robin would have noticed his shaky fingers and squinted eyes as signs of an oncoming migraine. She would have ushered him into the back room for a nap or sent him home early while he could still drive to rest. But he was in Chicago and Robin wasn’t here. She didn’t even know where he was. So, he tried to ignore the pounding in his skull and the gradual feeling of losing control over his own body as the migraine crept in and threatened to hit him full force. 

Betty, his boss and the owner of the shop, noticed him struggling with even the most simple of orders and questioned him in her firm but gentle cadence. Steve admitted to getting migraines due to some head trauma over the years and told her that he was fine to do his job. He saw her discreetly glance to the scar circling his throat and then to the growing line of customers over his shoulder. He doesn’t know what kind of conclusion the kind, old woman came to but with a determined nod, she gracefully shoved him away from the brutish horde and into the back bakery. For the remainder of his shift, he pulled the decadent pastries from the oven and watched muffins settle on cooling racks. Even with the dings of the oven sending troves of pain through his head, Steve felt safe and peaceful in the kitchen surrounded by warmth and the smells of baked goods.

Meanwhile, Betty and the other barista that Steve didn’t remember the name of dealt with the horde of customers ordering coffees and pastries. Betty didn’t mind helping Steve on one of his very clearly rough days. When she had seen him sitting at the counter near the window perusing Help Wanted ads with a scar blemishing his throat and a fearful look in his eye, she knew she had wanted to help him. She herself had once been a terrified youngster all alone in a big city. When he told her about looking for a new job and place to live after leaving his parents’ house, she had read between the lines. She had somewhat-incorrectly assumed that his parents were abusive and had kicked him out for being gay. Who someone loved never mattered to her and she hired him on the spot. Who wouldn’t hire the kind-eyed and soft spoken boy wearing a polo unironically in a coffee shop downtown?

Once the rush had settled, she took her break and helped maneuver Steve into the unit she rented him upstairs. She settled the boy in his second-hand bed and placed a cup of water and a Tylenol next to him on the nightstand she had gifted him. Betty glimpsed at him in sadness before going back to the shop. She would check on him tomorrow morning.  

~*~*~*~

Unfortunately, it wasn’t unusual for nightmares to accompany his migraines. 

Steve was torn from sleepiness with a nightmare so brutal, Eddie’s bloody form was still stained on his brain even with his eyes open. Steve panted and choked off a shout as his arms flailed and his feet tripped in the blankets. He didn’t even recognize that he was stumbling to the phone in the small kitchen until he was brought back to awareness with a groggy, “Hello?” coming from the phone. 

“Hello?” The voice asked again. “If this is a prank call at 3:32 in the fucking morning, I’m gonna…”

“Eddie?” Steve whispered.

“Steve? Steve! Are you okay?” Eddie shrieked loudly and full of concern. 

It registered to Steve that it was too early in the morning to call someone, much less someone who didn’t like him. Shit, he shouldn’t have called. As if any of the Party needed more ammunition to use against him. But he always felt a little more vulnerable and alone while in the denouement of a migraine so he supposed it could be forgiven this once.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called. Eddie, I’m sorry. I’m gonna go…” Steve said and made a move to place the phone back in its cradle. 

“NO! No, no, no Stevie, talk to me. What’s wrong?” Eddie practically screamed into the receiver, his voice pitchy and shrill.

Steve sighed. If Eddie was keeping him on the phone to talk, surely he wouldn’t mind a few moments? “I had a nightmare and wanted to make sure you were still… okay. I’m sorry for bothering you. I didn’t realize what time it was.”

Eddie breathed in a sigh of relief and, unknowingly to Steve, placed a hand against his chest to calm the concerned fluttering of his heart. “That’s good, that’s alright. You find a place, then?”

Steve nodded his head before realizing that Eddie wouldn’t be able to see it. “Yeah, my new boss is letting me rent out the apartment above the coffee shop. It’s a nice place, I like it.”

“Good. Um, we went to your place to talk to your mom today. Her and your dad went on another business trip. They didn’t seem too concerned with finding where you went, the assholes. So we-”

Yeah, Steve did not want to talk about his hasty exit from Hawkins or his current whereabouts, especially to the guy that initially instigated everything. He angrily huffed into the phone, “I don’t want to talk about that. If you’re just going to keep-“

Eddie backpedaled, “hey, hey, hey, Harrington. We don’t have to talk about that. Do you want to hear about the campaign I’m planning for the kids?”

Steve let out a breath of relief, he could do that. “Yeah man, tell me about your nerd game.”

They spent the next hour near their phones. Both of them sat on their kitchen floors, phone in the crook of their shoulder. One nodding off and the other spouting unintelligible nonsense about an upcoming DnD campaign. 

Once Eddie was out of details to add, he stuttered. “H-Harrington? Can you call me later today, please? I won’t ask where you are anymore. We can just talk. Please?”

Steve woke slightly from his dozing state at the pleading tone. Maybe it would be good to talk to someone, even one that disliked him at best. He was getting so lonely and Eddie was offering. Well, Steve wasn’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth. “Sure man, I’ll call you later.”

Eddie let out a huff of relieved laughter, “Cool, I’ll talk to you soon then Harrington.”

Steve nodded, “goodnight.”

“Goodnight Stevie.”

If Wayne walked into the kitchen after his shift to find Eddie sleeping on the floor with the phone cord still wrapped around his finger, no one else had to know.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20: Epilogue

Taglist:@nickavalens@conversesweetheart@themostunoriginalpersonever@swimmingbirdrunningrock@eddiethegreatteddybear @call-me-big-eyes @cornwallisandkerley @moonshadows-13 @glittergluekintsugi @cpidcupk @doubleb11 @mentalcyborg @amoris-no-smut-allowed @purple-lemonade @labels-are-for-the-weak @thebrazilianatheist @rajumat @livelaughlexa @5ammi90 @colorful565 @marvelousforlife @chaoticcoffeequeen @gregre369 @suddenlyinlove@thegreatmistake @stillfullofshit @nburkhardt @batxsignalsx @newunknowns @thosemessyvibes @tailsfromthecrypt@luciana-rowan @bird-with-pencils @adaed5 @lolawon @flustratedcas @iwillfindmyneverland @messrs-weasley @skoomy-doompy @yearningagain @darkwitchoferie @forest-fogg @bitchysunflower @stardust-era@newtstabber@bobatrash-queen @notjasontxdd @ohlook-afrog @00biscuit @grtwdsmwhr @oxidantdreamboat

[thecapricunt1616]

The Bear & His Honey - Lucky 13

♡ Chapter Inspo:  Lyrics; "You are in Love" (Taylors Version) “You understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars, and why I’ve spent my whole life trying to put it into words.”

♡ Summary: Carmy is filling in on 'The Jimmy Kimmel Show' for a sick guest that couldn't come, He stumbles in to Winnie's absolute favorite person- and is able to treat her to a night she won't ever forget.

♡ W/C: 24,019

♡ Posted Date: 03/13/2024

♡ A/N: Welcome to Lucky 13! I wanted to give you all a taste of what Carm+Winnie will be at some point. This chapter will have very little angst, & have mostly sickeningly sweet fluffy goodness! This is set at least 1.5 years in the future from the last chapter. This is kinda a “one shot” in a way, in the TB&HH Universe, I have been thinking of this chapter for a while, and it would make my heart sing for Carmy to have a night out with his favorite people & get to relax, and just be in love. Also- in this, Carmy has been attending group weekly, and learning more so how to express his feelings. I’m also excited to show my idea of how Carm would show a big romantic gesture like the one in this chapter, and just overall make himself feel really proud for showing Winnie how much she means to him. Also-  alot of things in this chapter (french speaking, JKS interview, etc) will make sense very soon!!! I just- it's too cute not to include hahahah I hope you enjoy this chapter :)) Also, the way while editing (I'm listening to TS obvi) - but genuinely as i'm editing them talking about the different songs- they were COMING ON SHUFFLEEEE!! That woman is a WITCH i tell you

♡ Warnings for BTC: Smut, Swearing - 'tis all *** Any dialogue that has ( ) after, is translation from French to English!! :) ***

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

If you like this story, please click #TB&HHPoll in the tags, & vote on the questions asked <3

𝒞𝒶𝓇𝓂'𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱.🧸

“Okay-okay baby- ask them!” I plead, Winnie gave me her adorable little frisky grin. 

“Ours... vous savez si vous êtes nerveux, ils peuvent le dire, et vous vous sentirez embarrassé après- respirer à treize pour votre Miel, s’il vous, plaît…?” -  (Bear... you know if you're nervous, they can tell, and you'll feel embarrassed after- breathe to thirteen for your Honey, please...)

She put her hand on my cheek and I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and silently counting to 13, taking a deep breath every odd number I counted in my mind, just like she’d taught me. 

“C'est mon bon garçon…Mon sexy homme…” (That’s my good boy…my sexy man…) she said gently as I exhaled. 

“Now, like we said, imagine it’s me asking you all these stupid questions, they won’t go off script, Ours (Bear)! Ils ont promise qu’ils ne le feront pas (they promised they wouldn’t).. S’you just have to say the exact same answers we rehearsed the last two weeks, oui?” She cupped my cheeks, stroking my cheekbones gently with her thumbs. 

“Oui,” I whisper. “me poser leur première question” (Ask me the first question), I muttered nervously, relishing in the feeling of her cool fingers against my hot cheeks, giving me at least a small sense of relief. 

Thankfully - When being asked to be a fill-in guest on The Jimmy Kimmel Show -  they'd prepped me- us- with questions they’d be asking, so I wasn’t a blubbering mess on live tv. 

“So, Carmen, you are notorious in the kitchen industry, for calling all of your back of-house staff - Chef, as a term of endearment, or- furthermore a term of respect… Now that you’re so widely known at least in the Chicago area- but even more so the greater North America region, as being a very widely appreciated Chef, “ she giggled adorably, looking at me through her lashes before continuing. 

“Does everyone that recognizes you on the street, and call you by your title of Chef? Maybe…Executive Chef Carmen? Do they treat you differently?” She asked with a cheeky grin.

I held back the urge to tease and joke with her, clearing my throat and trying to remember the answer we’d come up with together. 

“Yes, Chef” I joked, giving her a playful smirk. “I notice when we- er- fuck sorry baby-“ I shook my head, looking at my lap nervously, biting the inside of my lip, squeezing her thigh. 

“Ours” (Bear) she said softly, stroking the back of my hand the way that made my heart thump so hard it felt like it’d jump out of my chest, and I look up at her, my eyes bouncing between the freckles on her cheeks, every other thought dissolving like sand through my fingers. 

“Allez, Ours, Tu vas y’ arriver.” (C’mon, Bear, You got this) she whispered, squeezing my hand assuringly. 

 I cleared my throat, newfound confidence due to her belief I could nail this coursing through me. 

“My girl and I,”  I continued confidently, “ “When we go out, especially in Chicago, or The City, but really any big city- people are more apt to give me a table if I call, So…She calls most of the time- and when we get there…the Exec. usually comes out to greet me after we’re settled, and tell me the meals no charge, but- My girl and I like a true experience, she keeps me honest” I leaned forward, pecking her lips gently and she smiles wide. 

“Coeur faible connard” (soft-hearted asshole) she teased gently, mushing her nose with mine sweetly before stealing another kiss. 

“Sorry-“ I pulled away teasingly “So…I shouldn’t offer a kiss to the host? Ce serait trop, bien?” (it’d be too much, right?) I joked and she rolled her eyes, grabbing my collar and pulling me back to her lips- kissing me hungrily. 

“These lips are mine. Only mine” she mumbles before kissing me again. I smiled into her lips, rubbing my hands down her hips and squeezing the flesh beneath her dress gently. 

“Mmm- baby” I pull away gently. “They said 15 minutes 4 minutes ago, I’gotta get mic’d.” I rest my forehead on hers and she cupped my cheeks, planting gentle sweet kisses all over my face. 

“Remember” she said between various smooches over my face. “I’ll be in the first row” more kisses “5th seat from the left” kiss, kiss, kiss - “look at me if you get scared ” - kiss, kiss - “I’m with you the whole time.” One final lingering, sweet kiss on my lips. “You’re goin’ out there to kick ass and take names, Bear. Nos âmes sont toujours liées ensemble…” (Remember that our souls are always tied together…)

“Right” I said softly, looking up at her, memorizing each freckle adorning her cheeks for the millionth time. “Bien, Nos âmes sont à jamais liées, Chérie.” (Right, our souls are bound forever, Sweetheart.)  I said lovingly, playing with the ends of her auburn curls between my nervous fingers.

She leans in, barely brushing my lips. “What do we say?” She whispers, so close her lips catch mine as she spoke. 

“Laisse-le déchirer” (Let it rip) I said softly into her lips before kissing her passionately.

“Oui, Mon Ours. Laisse-le déchirer” (Yes, My Bear, Let it rip.)  She said softly when she pulled away, gently running her knuckle over the veins of my neck, the action she only did while utterly exhausted, overly horny, or unable to mess with my hair. 

“Je t’aime, mon miel” (I love you, my Honey)  I whispered softly into her skin, feeling her gently rub over my back with her nails. 

“Fais confiance en ton instincts et lâches-vous, Ours.” (Trust your instincts, and let go, Bear) She said softly into my ear. 

I swallow tightly, racking over my brain through all the French she’d taught me- coming up blank, other instincts, and my own name. 

“Mon instincts en bon pour votre ours?”  (My instincts are good for your Bear?) I questioned softly, kissing her collarbone gently. 

She giggles, “Trust your instincts- Fais confiance en ton instincts- And let go- et lâches-vous, Mon Ours.” (My Bear)  She kisses my forehead sweetly 

I swallowed thickly, nodding a bit and looking up at her through my lashes. 

“Je te promets…Je vais suivre mon instincts”  (I promise you…I’ll follow my instincts) I mutter into her skin as she gently strokes my cheek, my eyes fluttering shut at the soft touch. 

“Je crois en toi, Mon Ours. Je crois en toi.” (I believe in you, My bear, I believe in you.) she whispered, rubbing soothing circles into my back. 

“Tu me fais croire en moi, mon miel.” (You make me believe in myself, my honey) I kiss her neck gently and there was a soft tap at the door.

“Come In?” I said, the door creaking open a bit.

Were interrupted by a short brunette in a black T-Shirt and jeans, wearing a stage headset. “Mr.Berzatto, you’re live in 15 minutes…we need to get you mic’d - we can have a stage manager take your…wife…down to the family and friends section, her seat’s been reserved” A bright blush came to my cheeks at the assumption.

“Je crois en toi, Mon Ours” (I believe in you, my bear). Winnie said, getting off my lap and smoothing her dress down.

I gently tug down the hem of her dress out of habit, “Merci miel. Je t'aime tellement bébé. Je te chercherai, oui ?” (Thank you honey, I love you so much, baby. I’ll be looking for you, yeah?) I said, smoothing out the silky fabric over her bum and she nods, smiling big. 

“Si tu fais le bien ce soir, je te laisserai m’avoir comme tu veux, Mon Sexy Chef Italien…” (If you do well tonight, I’ll let you have me any way you want, my sexy Italian Chef…) she whispered in my ear and my eyebrows raised, firey goosebumps rising from my neck to my ankles. 

“Mmmm- Oui? Petit diable sexy…” (Yeah? Sexy little devil…) I said softly into her neck, patting her bum gently. “Tu dois juste bien te tenir une heure, bebe, être une bonne fille - Je serai alors vôtre, mon monde” (You only have to behave for an hour, baby, then I’m all yours- my world.) 

She giggles, pulling away, “Not whore baby, say it like Taylor- say era” she said and my cheeks heat.

“Vraiment Bebe? Maintenant? Cours de français?” (Really Baby? French lessons? Now?) I ask as I rolled my eyes slightly, a smirk dancing on my lips. 

“Très bien, pas maintenant. Laisse-le déchirer, Mon Ours.” (Fine, not now, let it rip, Bear) she said, tucking her purse under her arm and I actually roll my eyes.

“Pas maintenant?” (Not now?) I huff frustratedly, again not understanding the new word.

“Seigneur! Vous avez besoin d’une leçon de Français, cela signifiait - ‘ not now’ - Dork.” (Jesus! You need a French lesson, I said - ‘Fine, not now’ - Dork!) she pinched my cheek gently.

“God, je vous aime tellement.” (God, I love you so much.) I kiss her lips tenderly. The woman at the door clears her throat.

“Mr.Berzatto…sorry to interrupt, but you’re live in 13 minutes and-” Winnie cuts her off.

“and where is my escort?” She chirps with a friendly smile, turning around on the ball of her foot to face her.

“Uh- Sorry- they…Um…gimme a second” she quickly turned, walking down the hall briskly. 

“Ahhh” Winnie said, plopping back in my lap comfortably. “Nous avons maintenant le temps pour une leçon de français, Ours!” (Now we have time for a French lesson, Bear!) she chirps and looks back at me. 

I snort through my nose, “Tu as vu à quelle vitesse ils se….” (You saw how quickly they…) I try to think of the word, looking up at the ceiling and biting my lip. “se déplacer!!! Se déplacer ici, bébé” (Move!!! Move around here, baby.) I smile proudly and pat her side. “Tu vois, je peux être intelligent!” (See, I can be smart!).

“Mmm, je savais que tu es intelligent, mais nous devons travailler à renforcer ce triste ego, Ours” (Mmm, I knew you're smart, but we must work on strengthening that sad ego, Bear) she said and I crinkle my eyebrows, sad ego was all I really understood.

“Je comprends - ‘ l’ego intelligent, et triste ‘ – mais que signifie - ‘nous devons…ahhh- travailler? pour nous renforcer’?” (I understand the smart, and sad ego- but what does ‘we must work on … ahh - our confidence?’ mean?) I question, squeezing her waist gently. I knew she’d only give a proper lesson, if I was responding to her questions in French with what I knew.

“Ahhhh, Bon Ours ! 'nous devons travailler’ est ‘we must work’, ‘à renforcer ce’ est ‘to strengthen this’ “ (Ahhhh, Good Bear! We must work, to strengthen this) She said, pleased with my answer. I pat her hip gently, happy with the praise i’d earned.

“Tu es ma force Chérie…Mon tout” (You’re my strength, Honey...My everything)  I said resting my forehead on hers. She puckered her lips and I lean in, giving her a sweet kiss.

“Hi! Mr.Berzatto- you’re on in 9, Mrs.Berzatto, I’m here to escort you to your seat.” A small blonde, dressed in the same black T-Shirt and Jeans the last person to interrupt us was. 

“Je t'aime ours, souviens-toi de ce que dit Mikey” (I love you Bear, remember what Mikey would say) she said sweetly, getting up and pecking my lips. 

I smiled softly, giving her one of the first lines she’d taught me in response. “On se reverra bientôt, bébé” (Meet again soon, baby). She smiled proudly, squeezing my hand before heading off with the blonde. 

The brunette girl returned not to shortly after, connecting a mic under my shirt right below my throat, and leading me through the corridors. As we head down the hall, I heard an all too familiar laugh… Not one that I’d heard personally, but one that I’d heard hundreds of times while falling asleep on Winnies TV or her phone. 

I stopped dead in my tracks, my head snapping towards the door that the sound came from. ‘JKS - SPECIAL GUEST - TAS ‘ A plain sheet of printer paper that was taped to the door read. 

I blink a few times, reading over the paper 5 times, eyes almost popping out of my skull - TAS. 

I reach out, grabbing the shoulder of the woman escorting me backstage. “T-A-S?!” I whisper shout at her. She quickly got the message. 

“Oh- you didnt know” she said stupidly, looking at the door then me. 

“I have to meet her” I whispered, a plan forming quickly in my mind. She smiled and nodded, looking at her watch. 

“If she wants to meet you, sure, but you got a max of 4 minutes.” she said casually and my jaw drops. 

That worked?!

I nodded quickly in response, trying to find words that wouldn’t embarrass Winnie, as she steps forward much too casually for my taste, and just knocks on the door.

“It’s unlocked!” the same voice I knew all too well calls and she looks at me, extending her hand towards the door. 

“Shes a real sweetheart, but super chatty, so like I said- y’get four minutes.” she said and I swallowed thickly, fuck, I am supposed to open the dressing room door to the most famous popstar on Earth?! If I offend her, Winnie will absolutely break up with me. 

I took a deep breath, looking at her momentarily before twisting the door handle. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion, my heart was in my throat.

Jesus Christ, I don’t fuckin care about this girl, I just care I make sure Winnie and Sadie have a seat at her show tomorrow night. 

She looks up as the door opens, blue eyes meeting mine. “Oh! Hey! You’re that guy getting interviewed? The chef,right? My boyfriend has been dying to try your restaurant! He just hates asking for favors, so he hasn’t called to rent it out- I hear you’re super awesome! Oh my god- so sorry. I’m Taylor, it’s nice to meet you!” she said casually, sticking her hand out for me to shake. 

It took insane amounts of casualty to not allow my jaw to fully unhinge at the sight of her. Winnie was right- she doesn’t edit her pictures - shes tall as fuck - shes like.. Taller then me?

I clear my throat, standing up a bit straighter, trying to find some semblance of self-control. “Yup- thats me, Carmen, Uh- Carmen Berzatto” I shake her hand, “Yeah- uh- wow….means alot, he’s on the uh- The Chiefs right?” I asked and she nods, smiling.

“Yup! Travis, I just sing- he’s so awesome, He loves Italian food even more than the field I think, ever since he saw that podcast you were on he's been stalking your menu! ” she giggled and I raised my eyebrows. She just sings?

“Uh- my girlfriend…Yeah- yeah…I don’t wanna embarrass her, but uh- Y’know, I could totally give you and your boyfriend any night you could possibly want, like-  the whole restaurant, just you guys- me and my right hand will personally make your meals - fully on the house, If you’d do me like…..one little favor-but it’s… it’s fine- if not…” I said and she stands a bit straighter.

“I love helping, what can I do?” she grins. Why the fuck does she seem so normal…and nice aren’t popstars supposed to be bitchy mean-girls that would’ve made fun of me in high school?

“my girlfriend- she like…worships you- fuck - not like a weird way - you just like…inspire her? Like? Alot- Your songs, uh- fuck- hold on…Fearless, I know thats one… uh- Sparks Fly? Oh! That one too um with the guitar...Mine? I think? And then- Oh! The Archer - she loves that one, and then I only know 2 others she really likes - sad ones….Bon Iver? With that dude” I questioned and she nods 

“Mmhmm! I think…Exile and Evermore” she nods and I snap.

“Thats it! Those ones- those are like…she loves you- she’s been…she’s been trying to get tickets for her and her best friend to your New York show this weekend since you announced it, she- fuck- she’d kill me if she knew I told you, but she’s cried because she didn’t get the tickets, shes been trying so hard and-”

“How many?” said the ginger sat next to her on the couch that was silent until now, and simply pretending I wasnt there while tapping away on a laptop. I look at her, slightly taken back it was that easy to convince her? Them both?!

“Uh-” I think for a moment- just fuckin send it, Carmen. If you’re gonna ask for a favor- ask for a damn favor. “F-Five? Like- f’me, and her, and - and she wants her best friend there, a-and-” the redhead interrupts me again.

“Done, Left of the diamond good? Second row? There is no row one” she questions 

“Gosh Tree! Can you let him talk? Sorry about her, shes a time freak” Taylor scolds, looking back at me, “We would love to have you there, and I’d totally like to talk to your girlfriend when me and Trav decide to come by- she sounds super cool!” she said as the brunette tugged at my sleeve.

“Mr.Berzatto, sorry- 3 minutes till you’re live, we have to go.” she said and I nod.

“Thank you- Uh, Taylor,” What the fucking shit- I’ve stared at this woman nearly every night on Winnies phone screen - now shes just here , in front of me?!

“Course! Super excited to try out your restaurant- Tree will call” she said as the brunette woman tugs my sleeve harder, dragging me out the door. 

Suddenly, I got the urge to tell her the thought that had been swarming in my head whenever we watched her tour movie for the past year. Even though we’d already were headed down the hall, her dressing room was still wide open so she’d hear me.

“The way you set up the ‘Tolerate It’ song is awesome, the whole performance is super touching- You have a great voice!!! But you kinda remind me of our cat when you knock the stuff off the table! Also- erm- f’r Winnie since she’d kill me if I didn’t say- Play Sparks Fly, And Mine- and Evermore all the way, please.” I called to her quickly as I was dragged away down the hal by the brunettel, hearing Taylor laugh loudly in response, causing a blush to form on my cheeks. 

Winnie would be beyond pleased to know I got her to laugh.

“Done! And Thank you, Chef! I love Cats!!!” she called after us and I smiled wide. 

“I know, Winnie told me! She loves Law and Order too! Olivia is a great name, my Niece is named Olivia!” I call back and I heard her laugh again.

 What the actual fuck- Taylor Swift?! I just spoke to Taylor Swift!? Why do I feel…Starstruck? Jesus Christ I owe Richie for telling me to pack Winnie’s special concert bodysuit she's been working on forever just in case I found tickets for them. 

“Here’s Berzatto sorry hes late- Main act wanted to talk to him- he’s live in 45” the brunette told the large guy she’d dropped me off in front of. 

He quickly checks me over, adjusting my jacket without asking, and rolling over my sleeve quickly with a lint roller and strapping a mic pack to my back under my jacket, quickly connecting it to the wire under my shirt. “On your name, wave, smile, walk” he said.

“Alright We have Berzatto comin’ out- Live in 5, 4, 3, 2” he said into his headset, backing away from me quickly and the curtain started to draw.

My eyes dart over the crowd, the lights were blinding, music started and my mind swarms.

What the literal fuck- what the fuck - Wheres Honey? - I just met Taylor Swift? I'm about to be on live TV - Don’t fuck this up, be like Mikey, listen to Winnie - Breathe to 13. 

My thoughts continued to race as the my eyes adjusted to the lights that were revealed from behind the curtain. “And Welcome Chicagos Favorite Chef- Carmen Berzatto! “ Jimmy said and just like the man ordered a few moments prior, On my name I started heading towards the arm chair, smiling and waving at the live audience as I was told. 

By the time I’d shook his hand and sat down, I felt numb- The answers to the questions Winnie and I had drilled to my head, swarming like an angry swarm of bees. 

“So, if you don’t know Carmen, Hes a Chef Prodigy from Chicago- he has two Michelin stars and isn’t even 30 as of yet, he has won the James Beard foundation award for up-and-coming chef as well as took home the award for the best new restaurant, all while he’s only been in the industry less than ten years,”

He continued talking as I scanned for Winnie. When I finally settled on her face I relax a bit, being able to think. She smiles wide when our eyes meet, blowing me kisses and waving excitedly. I couldn’t contain my smile as I look back over at him. 

“So, Carmen, Welcome, we’ve been told you’ve never done a live interview before - but you have been to plenty of award shows, you’ve been on red carpets, done podcasts over the past year- and I must say, on behalf of the public- you are one snappy dresser, please, tell us about the suit” he said and I chuckled a bit. 

“Yeah- thank you again for having me, It’s different being in front of a live audience but I’m honored to have even gotten the invite. But, uh- I really like Calvin Klein, their suits are just fantastic. My uh- my girlfriend though she’s the one who usually picks out my outfits for stuff like this, I trust er more then myself a lot of the time.” I said, my eyes finding hers again and she mouths an ‘I love you!’ Holding a hand heart up for me causing me to smile bigger. 

“Thats right! We have your girlfriend here Winnie is it?” He asked and my cheeks go pink I thought they promised they wouldn’t go off script?! 

“Yeah! Winnie,I could talk about her forever - she’s uh…she’s really special.” My eyes find hers again to see her blowing me more kisses. My heart flutters wildly she’s so perfect. 

“I assure you, my wife dresses me too i’m sure most of our male guests are dressed by their women” He chuckles, getting a laugh from the crowd. “So tell us,” he continued “You had won the ‘Best New Restaurant’ last year at the James beard awards, congratulations on that!” he said and he and the crowd clap, the teleprompter putting up a picture of The Bear that we had on our website to show us it would be on screen. 

“Now, i’d assume you get special treatment whenever you take the missus for a date night out on the town, right?” He asks and I chuckle, nodding a bit. 

“Right, right - so uh when I call especially around Chicago I mean” I shrug “most of the Execs are my peers so - of course we’re gonna get a table pretty easy. But I was actually surprised when we came back to the city this only the second time I’ve been back since I left to uh, head back home t’Chicago and open The Bear, but when my girl and I were out a few nights ago, we were just walkin around Soho cause she loves shopping and I love to spoil her even more of course,” I said, earning a few ‘aw’ sounds from the crowd “and we pass this group of guys, and one of em just goes ‘Yo! Sup Chef’ and I turned around cause I thought y’know- I’d know them from culinary school or one of my old gigs, and he just goes ‘Dude your hot ones interview was insane you’re a beast’ and ahh I didn’t really know what to say I’ve never been like recognized like that before” I said and he nods with a chuckle.

“Speaking of your Hot Ones interview- that has blown up since you’d done it 4 months ago- it’s currently sitting at 17 million views, You’d filmed that here in the City, So in New York do they usually give you a table? Give you free meals all that like back in Chicago?” He questions. 

“Well I like to try and keep it fair, fair as I can that is. So my girl, she calls up for us, usually puts the table under her name. But uh- yeah, yeah. We do get treated nice, they’ll bring out new stuff for us to try or give us a nice bottle of wine, which is great cause honey is a big red wine lover” I said my eyes flicking to her to see she was blushing, a wide proud smile plastered along her features, bringing a heat to my cheeks. 

After the interview was over, I was escorted back to my dressing room and found an envelope waiting for me at the dressing table. I walked over and opened it, taking out five row 2 tickets for tomorrow nights Taylor show. 

“Holy shit” I whispered to myself, staring at them in shock. She actually got me the tickets. Does this mean she’s really gonna come by the restaurant?! Winnie’s gonna flip. Fuck- we have to get back to the hotel or with all the excitement she’s gonna be exhausted and pissy on the flight home. 

I heard my favorite thing in the world in the hallway, Winnie’s voice. I quickly tucked the tickets back in the envelope safely, and put it hidden in my inside breast pocket for safe keeping. 

“Bearrr!” Winnie said excitedly as she opened the door before rushing over to me. I wrap my arms around her tightly, picking her up and spinning her around causing her to giggle “you did amazing ours (bear) so so amazing I’m so proud of you” she kisses all over my face and I smile, closing my eyes and relishing in her praise and attention. 

“I love you baby, so much” I kiss her lips sweetly, wrapping her legs around my hips and hiking her up further on my waist. “I missed you” I said when I pull away, kissing down her neck and over her bare shoulder. 

She giggled “I was right there, baby! The whole time” she runs her fingers through my hair and I hum at the feeling of her nails scratching that spot next to my ear. 

“Mm you weren’t in my lap though” I said and sit on the couch, my hands rubbing over her thighs and her arms, anywhere I could feel her soft, supple skin.

“Were still going to that bar right?! You deserve to celebrate baby.” She said, playing with my hair gently. I adjusted her C pendant around her neck I’d gotten her when we started officially dating, trying to think up a quick excuse, she’s gonna need a lot of sleep for tomorrow I don’t want her grumpy and tired at the concert. 

“I dunno baby…I think let’s just go back to the hotel yeah? Got up early this mornin’ wouldn’t you rather get some pizza and mozzarella sticks and watch a movie? Mm? We can cuddle? Have a nice bath?” I rub her arm and she pouted a bit. 

“Okay, can we go tomorrow though?” She asks and I nod 

“Course Mon Monde” (my world) I whisper and kiss her lips gently. 

By the time we got back to the hotel it was already midnight, and I could tell by the way she was walking her heels were hurting her badly by now on the walk up to our room. 

“Gotta get y’outta those shoes baby, y’re hips buggin’ you?” I ask, wrapping my arm securely around her waist. If I wasn’t holding the food, I’d already be carrying her. 

“Mmhmm, tired too. Glad we didn’t go out” she leans into me as the elevator doors closed and I smooched her temple. 

“Y’think I can’t tell when you’re exhausted, baby?” I teased, rubbing her side gently and she smiles. 

“Yeahhh, yeah. But we rarely get to go out, Bear. You’re too busy, I love going out with you, you’re a fun dance partner” she said looking up at me with a tired smile. 

I felt a blush creeping to my cheeks, smiling big. “I’ll only ever dance for you, my love” I kiss her forehead gently. When we got to the room, I set the boxes of food on the bed and helped her unzip her dress, grabbing her pajamas for her “get comfy princess” I told her before grabbing my grey sweatpants and white T shirt, shrugging off my jacket. 

“You look really sexy in that suit, baby. I wanna see you in suits more often, hopefully this interview will lead to more live ones…y’did so so sooo good bear, everyone was laughin’ and they really seemed t’like you” she slips off her bra, putting on my old ‘the beef’ shirt and some Nike leggings. 

“Thank you angel, it’s just really fuckin stressful” I said and started to unbutton my shirt. 

“I know, but no one is as good at handling stress then you, bear. You’re strong. Mon gros ours fort” (my big strong bear) she comes over, untucking my shirt and unbuttoning it the rest of the way. “Mmm you’re lucky there’s pizza waiting and I hate when it’s cold” she kisses down my neck while rubbing her hands over my bare chest and I smile, rubbing her back gently, caressing over the scar on her hip with my thumb. 

“Tu es une vilaine petit fille” (you are such a naughty little girl) I spank her gently and she giggles, looking up at me with those fuckin bedroom eyes she always did. 

“je suis ta petite pute, chef” (I’m your little whore, chef) she said, leaning in and kissing me deeply. I chuckle softly in to her mouth, squeezing her bum. 

“Tu as une bouche bien sale, Bebe” (you have a filthy mouth baby) I told her, brushing her curls from her in front of her eyes. “Le temps de manger ma douceur, c’est un grand” (it’s time to eat, my sweetness, you have an important day tomorrow.) I said and she raises her eyebrows. 

“What’re we doin?” She asked, sitting on the bed as told and opening the pizza box. 

“Patience, mon petit lapin” (patience, my little bunny) I smooth her hair gently and kissed the top of her head before taking off my shirt and dress pants, slipping on my pajamas before sitting down. 

“Can I get a hint?” She pleads, taking a piece of pizza out and having a bite. 

“Pas de conseils, seulement de la patience.” (No hints, only patience) I told her, grabbing a slice for myself and having a bite. 

“Je suis impressionné par ton bébé, français, as-tu étudié sans moi?” (I'm impressed by your French baby, did you study without me?) She said softly, and I furrow my brow, thinking as I chew. 

“Je sous…” (I’m under) I repeat as I think to myself, “why? Did I say something wrong?” I pout a bit, looking at her, thinking she was saying she was under impressed with my French and that I should be studying more. 

“Bebe, Je suis, suis, my love, Je, Suis” she said, sweetly. 

“Ohhhh- ohh…you are impressed, not under impressed” I smiled a bit and she rolls her eyes playfully. 

“”Mon ours n’a jamais rien fait d’autre que m'impressionner ” (my bear, never does anything but impress me.)  she strokes my cheek gently. “Mon sexy homme” (my sexy man) she whispered and gently brushed back my hair. 

I blushed more, my cheeks surely being a shade of bright red that matched hers. “Je t’aime mon gros ours sexy” she said and I smirked, knowing ‘I love you my big sexy bear’ anywhere 

“Oooo” she said happily as she opened the box of mozzarella sticks. “Oooo!!! And you got extra sauce! I love you so so much” she kisses my cheek and I chuckle. 

“You and cheese, I swear you’re half mouse sometimes” I tease and she giggled, dipping it in the sauce and taking a bite. 

“Mmmm-“ she hums before continuing “I would love to be a mouse. Would you love me still if you woke up one morning and there was a note on my pillow that a fae turned me into a mouse? Would you keep me?” She asked, dunking again and taking another bite. 

I snort, “a mouse? I mean…we couldn’t have sex anymore so that would suck, but it would be you. Wait- would you love me if you were a mouse?” I asked taking a bite of my pizza. 

“Of course- well..maybe more so because I would fully depend on you to translate for me, unless I was a mouse that could speak. In which case you’d not need a note because you’d wake up to me making a comfy little nest in your hair and I’d tell you I was a mouse and now I’d sleep on your head like Ratatouille. Ooo and during the day I could sit on your shoulder, you could carry me around in your pocket!!” She ruffles my hair playfully and I smile, shaking my head at her adorable constant need to discuss out of this world scenarios and how we’d each react to them.

“That would be very fun, well- maybe it would put off customers if they knew the head chef walks around with a mouse on his shoulder, but I wouldn’t care cause we’d get to be together all the time ma petit souris” (my little mouse)  I shrugged with a smile, taking another bite. 

She smiles proudly, gently kissing my jaw. “Ahh en francais? Quel bon garçon” (ah in French? What a good boy) she praised softly, squeezing my bicep sweetly, kissing my shoulder. “Mmm what about…” she picks her pizza back up, taking a bite and thinking for a moment “oo!! What if right now like - I just burst into glitter. Like. Poof and was gone? What would you do?” she giggled and I laughed. 

“Where did you go?! I would find you obviously, or I’d never stop looking for you. I’d give up everything and become a private investigator to find you” I shrug, poking her cheek playfully. 

“No like dead gone what if I spontaneously combusted into glitter and like- that was my death. I’m gone. Poof. Nothing more then little sparkly granules” she muses and I raise my eyebrows. 

“Dead? Well…I’d probably start sobbing and be on my hands and knees picking up every little piece to keep in a bag forever and I’d take it with me everywhere.” I said and she pouted. 

“Stop you are too sweet. I thought you were gonna be like ‘welp guess I’m gettin the vacuum out’ “ she laughs and I gasp, poking her belly. 

“The vacuum?! What - was that what your answer was gonna be?” I chuckled and she grinned wide. 

“Maaaybe. But of course I’d be kidding!!!! Ooo maybe I’d turn you in to a pretty eyeshadow.” She pecks my lips and I squeeze her cheeks with my hand gently, a pout forming on her lips at the action. 

“Y’re fuckin weird and I love it” I smooch her lips again and she giggles in to my mouth lightly. 

When we were finished eating, she took her regular spot on my lap as she scrolled through videos on her phone, giggling and sending some of them to Sadie. 

Shit. Sadie. She has to be on a fuckin plane like- now. 

I clear my throat “s’rry bunny, can you uh- I gotta go to the bathroom.” I said and she rolls off me without looking up, stretching herself out on her side of the bed. I slickly grab my phone without her noticing and go off to the bathroom, shutting the door and leaning against it. 

I found Sadie’s contact and hit dial, praying to god she was up and would see it or at least answer it if it woke her up. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding when I heard her pick up. 

“What did you do” she grumbles in to the phone, knowing that I’d usually only ever call her this late if I’d fucked up majorly and had to have her talk Winnie down from a freak out. 

“N-nothing. No- sorry f’wakin’ you- listen, I’m gonna get on Google and get you, Eva, and Richie a flight. Listen to me Sadie I can only say it once she’s probably listening you know how she is. I got tickets! 5 tickets!! Fuckin floor” I said quietly in to the phone, knowing she’d know exactly what I was talking about since every time she Winnie and I would hang out, my cellphone and laptop would both be held hostage as they forced me to scoure different Internet forums and Facebook groups trying to find tickets for them. 

“ARE YOU FUCKING ME RIGHT NOW?!?! SHES GONNA FUCKING SHIT HERSELF AND THROW UP- NO- SHES GONNA EXPLODE. HOW DID YOU FUCKING MANAGE!!” She shrieks in to the phone so loudly I had to remove it from my ear and I could still hear her perfectly. 

“Shhhhhh!! Shhh! Contain your screaming for tomorrow night - and don’t tell her she won’t be able to sleep. But fill in Richie, I’m gonna buy your flights and hotel rooms and shit and send it to you in a groupchat, and please for the love of god- if you can, go help him pack- the last time he went on a fuckin trip the jagoff took a rediculous amount of socks but somehow forgot a shirt? Just please- Eva is gonna be so torn up if he forgets something” I plead and she laughs. 

“Noted. Did you need me to go get Pooh’s shit?” She asked 

“No- wait fuck the bracelets? Her special bracelets the uh- the ones on that hand heart thing in her room. All of em - and she has a-a bucket in her closet full of em she’s been makin em every day pretty much she wants to like give em out or somethin. Put em in a bag- wait- no don’t mix them.” I said nervously fuck. Planning a concert this intense is not my forte. 

“I got it I got it. How the fuck did you secure those tickets, Carmen?” She asked 

“Bear! Bear come look come LOOK!!” Winnie squeaks from the other room “PEOPLE SAY TAYLOR WAS THE SPECIAL GUEST ON JIMMY KIMMEL TONIGHT DID YOU SEE HER BACK THERE?!” 

Fuckin shit. Leave it to Taylor’s cult to be tracking her every move. Hell- what am I saying the cults president is outside the door. 

“Gotta go” I whisper in to the phone and hung up quickly, taking a deep breath. 

“Really baby? I uh- no- no way, I’m sure that she has so much security I was on a whole other side of the building I bet.” I call back as casually as I could, my fingers shaking as I went online and finding the earliest flights I could. 

“Carmen we were sharing air.” She said, starstruck. “Sharing AIR BABE” she repeats and I laugh, some of my tension desolving. 

“Mm one step closer to meeting the leader” I teased as I quickly check out with 3 plane tickets in to JFK thank god the site had Apple Pay so I didn’t have to sneakily grab my wallet. 

“Come onnn are you almost done? I wanna snuggle” she whines and I sigh softly to myself, hiding anything from her is the absolute worst. 

“Mm a few more minutes baby” I said, calling the hotel we were staying at currently. 

“Ritz Carlton front desk, how can I help you?” The woman on the end answered. 

“Hello I- I um - I’m staying here? Like- now? A-and I am gonna be having guests come I need to add 2 rooms for tomorrow on to my reservation? I’m in room 313” I said quietly hoping Winnie couldn’t hear. 

“Oh! Alright, there are 2 rooms available on floor 3, room 388 and room 389, both have a king size bed should this suffice?” She asks. 

“Sure that’s great” I said rubbing my chin nervously. 

“And how many guests?” She asks 

“Three” I reply, hearing her type and click around on her computer. 

“And their names please.” She said. 

“Sadie Adamu, and Richie and Eva Jerimovich” I said quietly. 

“Oh ok so Adamu can you spell that?” She said and I run my hand through my hair anxiously. 

“A-d-a-m-u. And Jerimovich is J-e-r-i-m-o-v-i-c-h “ I replied, biting my lip when I hear Winnie again.

“Who’re you talkin’ to bear?” She calls. I squeeze my eyes shut 

Fuckin hell. 

“Alright! Got it all in the system, check in is at 2 pm, is there anything el-“ I cut her off

“Nope! Thanks bye” I quickly hang up the phone and took a deep breath and put my phone back in my pocket, rubbing over my face. 

“Bear?” She called again. 

I opened the bathroom door and see her laying cuddled up in a ball on my side of the bed, holding the phone only a few inches from her face. 

“Give em’ “ I extend my hand with a grin and she rolls her eyes, sitting up a bit and squinting at the nightstand. 

“Threw em there” she points at the nightstand generally before plopping back down. 

“You are a crusty little thing mon souris” (my mouse) I pick up her contacts from the nightstand and go toss them in the bin before coming back and laying down after flicking off the lamp. 

“Who were you talkin to?” She asked, looking over at me. 

“Oh uh- Syd…she sent this voice note askin’ about the schedule I was just explaining some stuff to ‘er” I said casually, genuinely surprised I was able to come up with a lie on the spot. 

“Oh, ok” she said and turned her phone off, grabbing her kindle and snuggling in to my chest. 

“Tv off please” she mutters and I silently thank god she was giving in to her exhaustion. 

“Oui ma cherie” (yes my darling) I kissed her forehead lightly and grabbed the remote,clicking the tv off and putting the remote on the nightstand before settling in and sighing softly. 

“Mm. s’quiet without your thing.” I said, alluding to her noise machine. She snorts a laugh. 

“It’s cute that you miss it” she said, turning the brightness down on her tablet. I wrap my arm around her waist, tucking my other hand between her thighs per usual. 

“What’re you readin’ Angel?” I asked, stroking her stomach with my hand gently. 

“Our book” she said softly and I hum. 

“Which part?” I question quietly and she taps the screen so it’d flip to the next page 

“Favorite one” she hums and I smiled softly. 

“Up for reading t’me, miel?” (Honey) 

“Any time ours” (Bear) she said before beginning.

 “ ‘Open your heart, and someone will come. Someone will come for you, Edward. But first, you must open your heart.’ Said the old doll. ‘I am done with being loved. And I am done with loving- for it’s too painful.’ Edward replied. ‘Oh pish’ said the doll. ‘Where is your courage?’ She asked Edward. ‘Somewhere else, I guess’ he replied. ‘You disappoint me.’ She said. ‘You, Edward, disappoint me greatly. If you have no further intention of loving or being loved, then this whole journey is pointless. You might as well leap from this shelf, and let yourself shatter into a million little pieces. Get it over with. Get it all over now.’ Edward couldn’t come up with a response, so he stared out the window, and he saw his beloved stars. But for the first time In his life, he’d felt no comfort by their sparkling presence, shining back at him through the curtians. He instead, felt mocked. ‘You are down there all alone.’ The stars seemed to say to him. ‘And we are up here, in the constellations together.’ -  ‘But…I have been loved.’ Edward thinks at the stars. ‘What difference does that make, when you’re all alone now?’ The stars seem to say back. 

And Edward could think of no answer to that question.”

I made sure to get up early, knowing Winnie would be sleeping as long as I’d let her. I got dressed and brushed my teeth before heading out to go get her breakfast. 

I stopped at chick fil a, getting her favorite meal in the morning time, and then went to this floral shop that was on the way back that i’d passed a cute flower shop on the walk back to the hotel that i’d passed a million times on my commute to work while living here, picking out a big bouquet of pink, purple, yellow and blue flowers. Lover colors Winnie will say when she sees them. At the counter while I was checking out there were big foil heart shaped ‘I love you’ balloons, so, of course I got one of those as well. 

I quietly opened the hotel room door, setting the flowers tied to the balloon on my side of the bed and setting the food bags down on her nightstand. I gently sat down on her end of the bed, the dip of my weight causing her to stir and reach out for me on my side, but when she instead felt the paper of the bouquet she opened her eyes, blinking a few times and looking back at me. 

“G’mornin sleeping beauty.” I said softly, taking her hand and kissing it after she got a good stretch in. 

“Mmm. Glasses please, are those flowers?” She asks sleepily, sitting up and yawning. I hand them to her and she puts them on, pouting. 

“Bear, oh my god c’mere” she flops into my arms and hugs me tight. “I love you, thank you. Y’re the best boyfriend in the whole wide world” she kisses my neck sweetly and I rub her back, smiling and kissing her head gently. 

“No I just try and show my baby how much she deserves” I pull her into my lap, kissing all over her face and she giggles. 

“Stoppp I have morning breath” she whines shying her face into my chest and I rub her hair gently. 

“Mmm smells ok t’me angel, c’mon I got your favorite,” I grab the bag and she gasps happily, taking it from me and giving me a big kiss. 

“You’re the best” she said again, sitting in her spot criss cross and looking up, following the string of the balloon and she looks back at the flowers, then the balloon again and her lip starts to quiver. 

“Bear” she whispers “Y’re too good” she said, tears pooling her eyes at the thoughtful gesture. 

“No tears baby, you know if you cry, I cry” I clear my throat, wiping under her eyes gently. It was my biggest weakness, and I’m not a cryer. Usually, for anything else, but for some reason, when she starts to cry- I can’t help it. It’s totally uncontrollable. 

“ ‘m sorry” she sniffles and takes my hand, kissing gently. “I just…I love you bear. So so much” she said and I smiled, tucking her hair gently behind her ear. 

“I love you more baby, look-” I opened up the bag for her, grabbing the little ‘chicken minis’ she loved and setting them in her lap as well as the hashbrowns and the many sauces. 

“They always hound me about the bigger bottle- and I have to tell them every time ‘no she only likes this sauce with this food but she wants to have enough’ “ I explained, grabbing the many little packets of ‘Polynesian’ and their house sauce she loved so much. 

She giggled, opening up the hashbrowns. “You’re the cutest” she said, dipping a hash brown in to the sauce and popping it in her mouth. 

“Oh!” I said and grab her frozen coffee out of the little drink carrier, and popping a straw in for her “extra chocolate, for my honey of course” I said and set it down on the nightstand. 

“I fall more in love with you every day, mon ours” (my bear) she leans forward, pecking my lips. “Open” she said softly and I oblige. She popped a hash brown in my mouth and I amile gratefully. 

“Y’got food too I hope” she said and I nod as I chew. 

“Mmhmm, their chicken one” I opened up the smaller bag, grabbing out 2 of the chicken biscuits I’d gotten for myself and she laughs. 

“Yeah? Their chicken one?” She repeats and I raise my eyebrow, looking at her. “All they serve is chicken, baby” she giggled and I roll my eyes smiling. 

“A chicken biscuit. Two actually” I snort, grabbing the ranch packets out of my bag. 

“Mmm” she hums as she sips her coffee. “They always get it right when you get it bear they never make it this chocolatey for me. The girls at the counter must think you’re cute.” She muses teasingly, eating one of her little brioche chicken things that she was convinced I couldn’t replicate perfectly, no matter how much I’d tried. 

I really think she just loves to see me keep yearning to impress her, frisky little devil. 

“I think that you just like it more when Y’re happy little butt gets to stay snuggled up in bed, and it taste better cause you didn’t have to work for it” I teased and she laughs, scrunching her nose adorably. 

“Maaaaybeee - but don’t pretend like every time we go out you aren’t getting hit on, mister sexy chef” she splays her legs over my lap, crossing her ankles. 

“Oh yeah” I roll my eyes, taking a bite of my sandwich after pouring a good amount of ranch on. “Totally - like you remember that lady at Coach yesterday when I didn’t know that bag was like 30k and she told me to ‘get my sticky fingers off that bag’ she was all over me, babe“ I snort and she laughs, leaning against the headboard. 

“Dude - I’m surprised I didn’t fucking jump her with the way she was talking to us. I am never getting a coach bag now baby, don’t even think about it. Syd was right- Prada was the way to go. I can’t waittt to show her oh my god. Sadie is gonna flip” she said and I smiled, nodding. Mmhmm when she gets here in about 3 hours, she and you will both be flipping out. 

“Oh! Shit! I didn’t check” she put down her food, grabbing her phone and going on to the Ticketmaster app and my eyes widen. They better not be dropping tickets today. I wanted to wait for Sadie to get here and tell her together and if she tries to buy them i’ll have no choice. 

“Oh- I already did baby. I did as soon as I got up” I lied, feeling the envelope in my inner breast pocket containing the tickets burning a hole in to me. The taste of the words on my tongue were bitter knowing they held no truth, but this was a good lie. A lie that will make her ultimately happy.

“Oh…” she pouts sadly, her shoulders hunching slightly in defeat as she refreshes the empty Ticketmaster page just in case. “I feel selfish…but…I just love her s’much. I know I’ve seen her already but-“ she sighs, shaking her head. “I know it’s bratty, but Sadie and I have the most fun at her concerts. I don’t even know how she’d get here in time, what am I even saying. And I didn’t even take my outfit.” She puts her phone down. “No taylor talk today, ok? It’ll just make me sad.” She took a sip of coffee and I nodded, rubbing her leg gently. 

My heart ached seeing her so upset. I felt the words pressing at the back of my throat begging to come out, to comfort her, to tell her ‘it’s ok baby I got them already Sadie’s on her way, Richie and Eva are coming! This is everything the three of you have been talking about since she announced it, I love you angel please be happy.’ 

But instead, I squeeze her calf gently. “No taylor talk.” I nod. When we’d finished eating, she had gone to have a ‘everything’ shower which was code for ‘leave me alone, I need to get shit done’ shower, and I picked up the room, throwing our garbage away and setting the flowers on the desk for her. 

I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket and when I saw it was Richie calling I picked it up right away. 

“Guess where we are cousinnn!!” He said excitedly in to the phone 

“Cousin Carmy were coming to see you AND TAYLOR SWIFT!!” Eva squeals excitedly and I chuckle. 

“Jesus Christ I’m deaf” I hear Sadie grumble. 

“Someone doesn’t like mornings, Cousin you send a drill sergeant that hates mornings to my house at 5 am to announce we’re seeing Taylor swift?!” He asks and I chuckle. 

“Staff Sergeant. Thank you!” She snips and I snorted. 

“Cause I know a Marine is the only person that could get your ass out of bed before first light on a day off, how far out are you?” I asked, sitting on the bed. 

“Well we got the rental, Sadie is driving - the GPS saysss….” He groans. “An hour and forty six minutes with traffic”  he grumbled. 

“Welcome to New York, cousin. Let me know when you guys get here and drop off your shit. We’re in room 313 y’guys are gonna be 388 and 389” I said 

“I want 389!” Sadie and Eva said at the same time and I crinkle my brows. 

“What’s with- oh my god” I roll my eyes. “Cause of 1989? I can’t stand you guys…” I chuckle. 

“She can have it cause I’m so mature” Sadie teased and I snort. 

“Thanks, bug. I’ll s’ya soon. Drive safe.” I said before ending the call. I heard the water cut off, Winnie belting to Taylor songs per usual. 

I took the opportunity while she was still in the bathroom to call and make a reservation at Freemans - for tomorrow afternoon, a spot Winnie had been gushing about ever since none other than Taylor was seen there a while back.

 I had no shame this time in mentioning my first and last name, knowing they’d pull out every stop for us since the host asked if I was the owner of the bear, the restaurants owner must know of me. 

The door clicks open just after I hang up and Winnie paused her music, coming out in a pair of panties and one of my white shirts, her hair still dry since I assume she tied it back. 

“Hey hey” she said, coming and sitting in my lap. I rub my hand up her thigh gently. 

“Hey beautiful, you have a nice shower?” I mutter in to her neck, gently kissing a trail of butterfly kisses up to her jaw. 

“Mmhmm” she interlocks our fingers, gently squeezing my hand. “What’s my surprise? I love your surprises, Bear” she kisses my lips sweetly and I raise my eyebrows in surprise her fuckin memory sometimes she always remembers the shit she shouldn’t. 

“Mmm” I hum softly into the kiss, swiping my tongue against her bottom lip and kissing her deeper, running my hands up her sides, hoping if I fluster her enough the question will slip her mind. 

She moaned softly, running her fingers through my hair and tugging lightly, scratching at the places she knew made me melt into her. 

“Baby” she said into my lips. “What’re you hiding from me” she kissed the corner of my mouth gently and I look up at her, my cheeks bright pink. 

I’m not the one that’s supposed to be flustered right now. 

I bit my lip gently and rest my forehead on her chest, not wanting to look at her pleading hazel eyes. 

“s’a surprise honey” I said into her shirt. She rubbed my back gently. 

“Will I get my surprise today?” She asked. 

“Course, like less then 2 hours yeah? Not much longer baby” I kiss her collar bones gently and she moves to straddle my waist, my hands moving down to cup the flesh of her backside as I usually did when she sat like this to support her. 

“S’we have enough time to play” she said softly in my ear, pushing up the hem of my shirt. Her cold hands made my abs and stomach tighten, hissing softly at the contact. 

“Ye’ baby - fuck Y’re hands are freezing.” I squeeze her ass gently, resting my head back as she kisses my neck and throat, gently nibbling along my jaw.  “Then warm me up bear” she whispered into my skin.

𝒲𝒾𝓃𝓃𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱. 🍯

“Fuckfuckfuck y-yours- i’m yours, no one could ever make me feel so good, Carmy” I whine out, tugging his hair as he devours me. Icy blue eyes darkened with lust were piercing my gaze, his nose nudging my clit causing me to let out a breathy moan as his tongue plunged in and out of my core. 

“That’s right, I fuckin own this pussy baby” he said hotly, my arousal dripping down his chin, his lips plump and oh so pink from the delicious assault on the place I needed him most. 

“Please” I said, tears from the overwhelming pleasure were gathering in the corners of my eyes at this point, and he had been practically humping the mattress to get himself off as he ravished me. I knew he wanted me as much as I needed him. 

“Please what honey?” He sat up, one knee on the bed, hovering over me, his chain dangling in my face as he rubs my clit. I writhe and squirm beneath his touch, already 2 orgasms deep but I was drunk off the pleasure. I couldn’t tell him to stop, it was like a high I never wanted to come off of. 

“F-ahh” my hips buck wildly, eyes screwing shut and nose scrunching as that oh so familiar intense wave of pleasure begins crashing at the dam doors of my stomach. 

“Fuck me, fuckmefuckme Bear, pleeeeaseeee” I beg out pulling him in to a deep kiss. He huffs a chuckle in to my mouth, taking his hand away from my center to pull himself free, covering his cock in my arousal that was soaking his hand. 

“Y’gonna be a good girl ‘n not get greedy? Mm? I don’t want y’t’be sore baby” he said, lining himself up at my entrance. 

I huff sassily. “I want all of your cock, not just a little” I pout and he puts his tip in, my mouth quickly dropping in pleasure and eyes fluttering shut. I grabbed his hand, wrapping it around my throat and looking up at him. 

“Mmm you wanna be my little whore?” He coos, leaning in and kissing my lips sweetly. 

“Please…” I said softly and I moan as I felt his hand tighten around my throat and he sinks in further. 

“Fuck- s’fuckin tight Angel” his grip around my throat tightens a bit as he tries to hold himself back from rutting in to me fully before he stretched me out. 

I bit my lip, my eyebrows furrowing together in pleasure at the mix of the lightness filling my head and the warmth it brought. 

“Feel good princess?” He pushes in deeper and I moan in response. 

“S’so good Carm- fuck I love your cock” I whine out, my back arching when he hits my gspot. 

“Half way baby. Be my g’girl.” He strokes my throat with his thumb gently and I nod quickly. 

“I’m trying, feels fuckin amazing bear I can’t help it” I said and he kisses around my chest, sucking on my nipple and grunting in to me when he felt my core tighten around him as I was brought to the very tip of the edge. 

“Let go” he said as he pushed in fully, the sensation causing my third orgasm to wash over me like a harsh crack of hot lightning. My walls clench around him pulsingly, my back arching and hot thick strings of cries, whines, and moans between curses spilled from my lips. 

He released his hold on my neck, pressing his lips to my forehead, thrusting harder faster. “Mmm fuck. Can y’give me another one honey? C’mon, I know my good girl can give me another one.” He muttered and I smile up at him, kissing his jaw gently. 

“So determined Bear- mmm- there-there don’t fuckin move, there. I-I promise I’ll give you another” I plead, my nails dragging down his back and he moaned at the contact. 

“Shit yesss baby. Fuckin scratch me up please I love that shit fuck Y’re like a horny little cat” he grunts, fucking in to the same spot harder, holding himself up by the mattress. 

The only sounds leading my lips were incoherent mumbled profanities and short ‘uh-uh-uh’ as he pounded me harder in to the mattress. A few short minutes later I was cumming again soaking is thighs and all the way up to his stomach, he grunts approvingly. 

“Fuuuck that’s my good girl. Shiiit y’re so fuckin’ wet baby. My messy little girl” he praises and I feel my cheeks heat, a warm pool of liquid settling by the dip of my bum. 

“Shit m’sorry I didn’t mean to make such a mess” I said embarrassedly and he shook his head lightly. 

“Babe its hot as fuck. I wish I could make you do this every fuckin time.” He holds my breasts to keep them from bouncing, thumbing my nipples over my jewlery as he continues snapping his hips. 

I whine, my hips arching up in overstimulation but that just burried him deeper. I cry out and he quickly puts his arm under my hips to support them, holding me in that position. 

“Holy fuckkkk” he moans out, eyes fluttering shut in bliss and head falling back as he picks up his pace. “Fuck Angel you are fuckin perfect. Here touch Y’re belly baby, feel me” he kisses along my neck and I reach my hand down, gasping as I press on my stomach and feel his cock driving in and out of me. 

“Fuck oh my god” I said, a laugh falling from my lips followed by a moan, “wow. This is what they mean when they say rearrange my guts” I kiss him deeply, tugging his curls firmly between my fingers and he moans into my mouth. 

“Sh-iiiit s-so close…” he whined out and I smile lazily, kissing a trail of gentle kisses over his jaw as he continued. His thrusts were becoming stuttering, sloppy, and much less powerful. Now it was my turn to push him over the ledge. 

“je t'aime, mon ours” (I love you, my bear) I whisper sweet and sensually in his ear, and he grunted, spilling in to me with one final thrust, bottoming out and slamming our lips together in a heated, wanting kiss, keeping himself buried deep inside me while his cock pulses through his comedown. 

 “I fuckin love you Winnow” he breathes in to my skin leaving wet hot kisses over my chest and collarbones. 

He rolls over, laying next to me and catching his breath. “We need to shower” he said after a while of cuddling and I look at him, my brows furrowing. 

“Why” I question, resting my hand on his chest and wrapping my leg around his. 

“Cause we got things t’do baby, y’re surprise” he smiled a bit, patting my bum gently. 

“My legs are useless at the moment. You want me t’shower I need t’be carried” I mused, gently running my fingers over the curve of his abs. 

“Mmhmm that can be arranged” he grabs his phone, angling it away so I couldn’t see who he was texting before turning the phone back normal and googling the hotel we’re staying at, calling the front desk. 

Okay, he’s really hiding something. 

“Yeah hey- me and my uh…” he looks down at me “wife- we need the sheets changed in room 313…yeah- nope that’s fine we’re gonna be in the bathroom so- alright. Yup, thank you.” He said and hung up. I wiggle my eyebrows. 

“Wife?” I teased with a big grin. 

His cheeks go pink. “You know I’ll make you my wife someday. People seem t’take us as like… a legit couple when I say that…when I just call you my girl people think we’re kids ‘er somethin” he rubs my back lightly. 

“Mmm…i’m just teasin’ baby..but- I dunno… I like that- it just sounds right coming from your mouth. I never thought of myself as wifey material but…Winnow Berzatto. That sounds nice, don’t ya think?” I kiss his collarbones and he swallows thickly. 

“Yeah…yeah I uh- I kept thinkin’ about that last night when they called you that..I liked that a lot too..” he said softly, stroking my hair. 

“Well” I stick up my ring finger, wiggling it in front of his face “Whenever you’re ready, I’m waiting” I peck his lips and he hums, deepening our kiss and running his hand up my side. 

“Thank you baby” he said, resting his forehead on mine. “F’r bein’ so patient w’me” he said quietly, rubbing my lower back in small circles. 

“ ‘fcourse Carm, I’d wait forever for you” I kiss his nose and he smiles big, a blush painting his cheeks a cherry red. 

“Y’wont need to wait that long baby, I’m just…just gettin’ my shit together” he sighs a bit, rubbing his hand up my back. “C’mon koala, up” he pats my bum and I release his leg, sitting up against the headboard. 

 He stood up, coming to my side and I lifted my arms. He lifted me up simply, holding me bridal style and carrying me to the bathroom. 

“Mmm mon gros ours sexy, et fort..” (mm my big strong, sexy bear..) I said into his ear, nibbling his earlobe with my teeth and he sets me down on the bathroom counter with a smile. 

“Tu es déja ton…” (you already got your…) he stops, thinking for a moment “ahhh Tu es déja ton remplis ma sale cherie.” (You already got your fill my dirty darling) he smiled proudly, turning on the water. 

“Ooohhh look at mon petit ours français sexy” (oooh look at my sexy little french bear)  I giggled, crossing my ankles and leaning against the mirror. 

“Mmhmm, I have the sexiest little professor” he comes over, kissing my lips sweetly. I hum in to the kiss, playing with his curls gently. We made out until the bathroom was thick with steam, and our lips didn’t disconnect as we stepped into the oversized walk in shower. 

He rested my back against the wall, hands firmly supporting my bum as he held me up, my ankles crossed at his tailbone, thighs squeezing his waist gently. I smiled, my eyes fluttering shut and resting my forehead on his shoulder as he kissed my neck. 

“Feels good Bear…Y’gonna mark me up, Carmy?mm? Show everyone you own me?” I bit down on the ball of his shoulder playfully and he groans in satisfaction.  

“Not yet baby, Y’gonna wanna take pictures today” he said softly, leaving sweet tender kisses along my jaw bone to my lips. “Cmon princess, can I set you down and get y’washed up? We can’t be late” he pleads. 

I sigh softly “fine. Now I’m interested though, I know you like takin’ pictures of me, but I rarely think to take them myself. What’re you up to, Bear?” I sit down on the marble bench built in to the shower as soon as he’d set me down, my legs still feeling quite shakey under me. 

“It’s a surprise princess, I told you.” He grabbed my body wash and a washcloth, sudsing it up “c’mere stinky” he teases and I gasp, feigning great offense, clutching my necklace. 

“Stinky?! You made me stinky!! With all your man sweat.” I stick out my tongue at him and he chuckled, wrapping an arm around my waist and hoisting me to my feet, gently washing over my body. 

“Oh yeah, but if I remember you were all pleasepleaseplease begging for my stink missy” he mimics me and I gasp, hitting his chest lightly and laughing. 

“Do not make fun of me, y’know what- fine. I’ll just suck your soul out later and then mock you when we’re done about how your like ‘aughhhh ah-ooo-shit, fuck honey yesss” I mimicked his whines and shrugged.  He laughs “Whatever was left of my soul you’ve already sucked out months ago, little vampire. So good luck cause I’m all dry.” he teased.

By the time we were done in the shower, I had felt much better. The hot water worked it’s magic on my sore muscles, and Carmy even laid with me and was giving me a long, relaxing lotion massage. 

He's really laying this whole surprise thing on thick. 

“Baby” I said softly, looking down at him and his gaze meets mine, continuing to massage my hip since it was so tight after everything this morning and having to walk around in heels last night. 

A blush comes to my cheeks and my throat suddenly felt tight, I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea about my question, but I also didn’t want him to do anything just to appease me. 

“Are you…is the surprise proposing? Cause I don’t want …I don’t want to get married until you’re ready baby I’m ok with my necklace I don’t need a ring I know you love me” I said softly and he smiles, nodding. 

“No baby, I’m not. Sorry if that’s disappointing, but like I said, I promise at some point, I will- and I don’t think you’d be able to handle all that excitement t’night.” He kissed my knee gently and continued on massaging. 

“Oh..ok” I said and went back to scrolling through twitter on my phone. He digs his phone out of his pocket when it buzzes immediately, almost too quick, and sends a fast response before setting it on the bed and patting my hip gently. 

“Put on some pants, can’t be poohin’ it we have guests comin’” he teased. I giggled at the silly joke. Whenever he’d come over and I was in nothing but panties and a shirt, he’d always say I was “living up to my name” since Winnie the Pooh never wears pants. 

“Who’s visiting?” I asked, getting up and grabbing my fluffy pajama pants. 

“You’ll see princess” he hums, taking a dress bag out of his suitcase and a black bag, hanging them on the closet door as there was a knock. 

“Y’wanna get the door angel?” He asked and I raised a brow, slipping my feet into my bear paw slippers and shuffling over to the door, pulling it open. 

“WINNIE!!” Eva runs in and hugs my legs and hips tightly as I stood there, jaw dropped to see Richie and Sadie standing there. 

“Guys!? What are you doing here?” I picked Eva up, kissing all over her face. “You came to Visit us pipsqueak?!” I asked her excitedly. 

“Cousin Carmy has a SURPRISE TELL HER CARMY TELL HER” she yelled at him. 

“Shhhh, shh baby people are sleepin come on” I giggled at her excitement, letting them in the door and setting her down gently. 

I give Sadie a big hug “SadieBug what the fuck!!” I giggle squeezing her tightly. “Why the hell are you guys here?” I give Richie a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. 

“Y’still didnt tell ‘er?” Richie asked Carm, who was already picking up Eva and throwing her on to the bed, one of her favorite games when we’d stay at a hotel. She giggles wildly, each time she flew in to the pillows she’d squeal happily and sit up. 

“Again! Again!” And leap back into his arms. 

“No I was waitin’ for you guys, okay one more Eva then we gotta give Winnie her surprise yeah?” He asks and she nods happily. 

“Okay, one…two…thrreee!!” He swings her between each count, hurling her carefully in to the bed on three and she laughs excitedly, standing up and jumping. 

“Winnie come sit!” She said plopping down on her bum and bouncing at the force of the mattress, giggling as she did so.  

“She slept most the way from the airport, so that’s why she’s a little wound up” Richie said, causing me to giggle. 

I was so caught up in how fuckin cute Carmy was with Eva that I completely forgot why they were here in the first place. 

“Okay nowww do I get my surprise?” I asked Carm, walking up and wrapping my arms loosely around his neck, looking up at him with big doe eyes. 

“Yes baby but I think you should sit, yeah?” He gently nudges me to sit on the bed and I do so. 

“Should I be scared?” I raise my eyebrow and Sadie laughs. 

“No dude. Just listen” she crossed her arms as Carm took a white envelope out of his inner breast pocket, his first and last name written on the outside. 

“So, honey” he sits next to me and offers the envelope. “I love you, so much. All I want is f’r you to be happy okay? I would go to the ends of the earth to make you happy. And I know that you’d do the same f’me…and I hope that this shows you, that I will always find a way to make what you want happen okay, every time.” He kisses my forehead tenderly and I pout at his words, cupping his cheeks and giving him a sweet kiss. 

“You’re the best boyfriend ever, I love you” I said softly. 

“Yuck” Eva said from behind us and I look at her. 

“And You’re a stinky baby” I tease, poking her belly and she pouts 

“Hey!” She crosses her arms and Richie chuckled. 

“You’re yucky too Carmy” she pokes him in the back with her foot and he snorts. 

“Open your gift Angel” he wraps his arm around me, his chin resting on my shoulder. 

I gently pull open the envelope, taking out a stack of…concert tickets? 

Taylor Swift - THE ERAS TOUR LIVE - Sponsored by Capital One With special Guests; BOYGENIUS & Sabrina Carpenter

ADMIT 1 FLRL R2 S13 Saturday, June 20, 2025 TICKETMASTER EVENT 

Blood roars in my ears, my heart starts thumping so hard I can feel it in my stomach, my throat, everywhere. I flicked through the tickets, there were five. My jaw was basically on the floor, my stomach was doing flips, it felt as if I could pass out. 

“Mmm? What’s Taylor say? We’re goin out T’night baby” he kisses my cheek and I look at him, tears pooling my eyes. 

There were so many thoughts in my mind, I couldn’t even settle on one. I looked back at the tickets, sure they’d turn in to something else if I stared at them hard enough.

“Daddy..is Winnie ok she looks scared?” Eva whispered to Richie and I laughed and laughed, tears streaming down my face and I hug Carmen so tightly he actually groans a bit beneath my grasp. 

“Fuck wow baby when did you get so strong?” He chuckled and I release him slightly. 

“I don’t wanna scare people by screaming? I dunno what to do baby” I said, kissing his neck gently. “What am I even gonna wear?” I whisper and he wipes my cheeks 

“No tears,” he said softly, kissing my forehead. “I don’t wanna get all w’rked up baby” he rubs my back soothingly. 

I nod, wiping over my face. “I know, sorry, sorry. But I- I forgot my bodysuit what am I gonna do?” I said, my heart breaking. “W-were gonna be s’close and she won’t see it. I worked so hard Carmy” I said and he broke our hug, walking over to the closet and unzipping the black dress bag. 

Revealing my blue bodysuit. 

I squeal and run, jumping into his arms and kissing his face all over “and you’re coming with us?” I asked and he nods, smiling wide. 

“I am and I can get all your videos, and pictures, and I can get your merch and everything baby you just have to enjoy the show” he said and I felt tears welling up behind my eyes again. 

“You’re perfect.” I whispered and kissed him lovingly. 

“Okay lovebirds” Sadie snaps her fingers. “We have a stadium to be at in” she looks at her Apple Watch. “4 hours if you wanna trade bracelets, and chop-chop if I’m curling your hair, Pooh” she tells me and I sniffle, wiping my face and getting down off him. 

“Girls are gonna need the bathroom” I told him and he nods, rubbing my back gently.  

“Course babe. Why don’t you guys have a little get ready party in here. Y’want me and Richie to go to the liquor store n’ stuff so you and Sadie can pregame?” He tucks my hair behind my ear sweetly. 

I smile wide. “Carmen fucking Berzatto I fall in love with you more each second” I kiss him deeply, cupping his cheeks and stroking his fingers with my thumbs. 

“Jesus Christ are they always like this? My god” Richie said 

“Told you, yucky daddy.” Eva replied and I giggle “Only every second of every day. I think I know this guys side profile more then his frontal because of how much they suck face” Sadie said, earning a laugh out of all 4 of us.

“Back” Carmen called as he came into the hotel room, knocking on the bathroom door.

“Come in!” I called over the music. 

“Oh my goodness Richie who’s this young lady?” Carm said when he saw Evas hair that I’d already curled for her and pinned back with glittery barrettes that would match her outfit. 

She giggled, “thank you! Daddy, look!! Winnie did my hair how Sadie will do hers!!” She stood up off the edge of the honeymoon tub, spinning so her curls would be shown off. 

“Wooow look at you pumpkin! You are a little Taylor swift” he comes and picks her up. 

“C’mon let’s go get you dressed, We’ll come back after you have some lunch” he told her and she pouted. 

“I want drinks!” She said causing Sadie, Carm and I to laugh. 

“Girl no it’s big kid drinks.” Sadie said, continuing on her makeup. 

“Mmhmm that’s right, pipsqueak. We’re gonna see you again real soon yeah? And we’ll go to the concert together” I told her and she nodded. 

“Bear” I said sweetly when the door closed after they left. 

“Honey” he repeats, mimicking my tone causing me to giggle. 

“Can you make Sadie and I some doubles, s’il te plaît?” (Please)  I flutter my lashes at him adorably and he snorts. 

“Y’know I love doin’ stuff for you baby, Y’don’t have to give me the theatrics every time” he pecks my lips and takes the bag clinking with bottles of alcohol into the bedroom. 

“Mm but you always do it extra nice when I give you the sweet eyes” I called after him and he chuckled. I was sat with my feet in the sink, focused on my makeup as Sadie curled my hair when he came back with 3 glasses. 

“Sorry, they didn’t have limes babe but I got lime juice” he set my glass next to me and another next to Sadie before sitting on the ledge of the tub and taking a sip of his. 

“ ‘sokay” I said softly, focused on tightlining my eyes with the navy blue pencil liner. 

“Doesn’t that hurt. Y’re like- poking your eye babe.” He said and I stopped, looking at him with a smile. 

“Y’get used to it I guess. I wear contacts to you see the way I dig around my eyes” I said and he shivers at the thought. 

“It’s fuckin’ weird babe I swear it really skeeves me out I’m afraid you’ll scratch your eye out with one of your claws” he said, causing me to giggle.

I took a sip of my drink and scrunch my nose. “Fuck Carm” I giggled. “Wow I’m gonna have to nurse that if I’m gonna be able to do my makeup” I laughed and he snorts a chuckle. 

“Y’said you wanted it strong baby” he replied and I shake my head. 

“I guess I did, gee I’m feelin the burn” I laugh, finishing up tightlining my eyes and starting my winged liner. 

“Sweet like honey karma is a cat purrin in my lap cause it loves meee” Sadie sings along softly as she sprays my hair with hairspray. 

“Flexin like a god damn acrobat me and karma vibe like that!!!” I finished for her and continued doing my makeup. 

By the time we’d finished makeup and hair, I was happy tipsy, giggling in the bathroom as I attempted getting dressed on my own.  

“Carm can you help? My nails keep getting stuck I don’t wanna rip these they’re the ones Taylor wears” I called through the door. 

“Comin” he calls and a few moments later he pops the door open, laughing at my current state. In nothing but my bra and thong, tights pulled up to my thighs. 

I giggle “stop it!! No you’re my boyfriend you can’t laugh at me it’s the law” I said and he shakes his head, coming over and carefully unrolling the bunched fabric. 

“My goodness babe what the hell were you doin’ trying to get these things on? Ballin’ em up?” He teased, crouching down and gently unraveling up to the waistband. 

“Yeah well kinda I got it over my feet perfect see- but then, my boobs were suffocating me from bending over- and I was getting sweaty and lightheaded and I don’t wanna ruin my makeup” I giggle and he grunted a little as he got up. 

“The things I do for you.” He chuckled to himself, carefully pulling the tights up my thighs and smoothing them over my waist. “There. Now where’s your other pair the fishnets right?” He asked and I smiled big, he really pays attention when I tell him about my interests and my plans for things that are so important to me. 

“Mmhmm..sparkly fishnets” I said “my legs are gonna look so long and so sexy” i giggled, sitting on the edge of the tub as I roll the fabric over my toes up to the knees and stood up. “Your turn” I said. 

“I wouldn’t say long you’re not even 5 foot baby, but sexy” he kisses my knee and up my thigh as he dragged the fishnets up. “Absolutely” he said and looked up at me. I pouted, crossing my arms over my middle. 

“Do you wish I was tall?” I asked and he laughs, a real, genuine Carmy giggly laugh. 

“Baby oh my god. Are you all done with the drinks? Cause you gettin’ all mushy drunk on me? I tell you all the time how you’re the perfect size f’me” he pulls the fishnets over my bum, spanking me gently after he brought them up over my waist. 

“No. I just…sometimes people look at me like I’m a kid cause the way I dress and I wanted to be sure it doesn’t embarrass you that I’m small” I look at the floor and he tilts my chin up to look at him. 

“Baby. The only small thing about you- is your height. These?” He cups my breasts with his palms “these” he rubs his hands over my hips. “Especially, this” he spanks me with a smile, causing me to giggle. “All that is in no way small. And anyone who mistakes you for a kid is blind. “ He said running his hands up my waist. “Okay- guess y’got me, this” he squeezes “is tiny.” He pulls me in to him. “And when I’m fucking you from the back? Mmm… it’s the only reason I do it baby cause of how pretty this is” he squeezed again as he whispers in my ear, kissing my pulse point and my breath hitched. 

“Ok- I believe you, I believe you- don’t get me worked up please” I kiss his lips. “Can you get my bodysuit?” I asked and he nodded, returning with it a few moments later and carefully unzips it. 

“I can hold it for you babe” he said, holding it low so I could step in. I held on to his shoulder and did so, slipping in my arms and pulling it up over he got the first half on. “Hold your hair honey I don’t wanna zip it in” he brushed my hair over my shoulder and I held it back for him. 

He zipped me up, hooking the zipper on the little zip lock and gently rubbing his hands up my sides. “Mmm a little red headed Taylor” he hummed, rubbing his hands over my stomach and lightly thumbing over the intricate beading that had taken me hundreds of hours. 

I blushed, turning around and looking at myself in the mirror. I smiled wide, my red hair being more akin to fire against the twinkling royal blue. I felt like a fucking pop star. 

“Holy shit I made this!” I said and he nodded proudly, admiring me and all my hard work. 

“Y’did baby girl! It is so perfect. Dare I say, better then hers. Do you think she planned it to have segments of 13 beads?” He wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my forehead, looking me over in the mirror and I laugh. 

“Oh the Queen of cryptic planning? Did she plan such a thing? Most likely. But thank you baby. Some spots are a little wonky….but overall I think it came out” I said and stepped away “Wait- we have to check the twirly” I said and shake my hips like Taylor, gasping at all the movement and shimmer. 

“SADIE!” I call and she came over in her own bodysuit she’d made, akin to the Pink Lover bodysuit she opened the show in. 

“Oh my god!!” We shriek at the same time, hugging eachother and jumping excitedly. 

“You look so good Sadie!!” I laughed and she squeezed me tight. 

“Dude oh my god!! She’s gonna fuckin see us she has to” she said and I laugh excitedly. 

“Oh my godddd” I said clapping excitedly. “Okay c’mon c’mon shoes -“ I said and Sadie gasps. 

“CARMEN! Oh my god!” She said and looked at him, he chuckles 

“Sadie! What!” He smiled wide and she runs over to her suitcase, dropping to her knees and rifling through it. 

She comes back a few moments later with a bag that she throws at his chest and he catches swiftly. “A thank you, well- not a proper one but…you guys need pictures” she said as he ripped the plastic open, taking out the white tshirt and laughing to himself before turning it around to show me  

It was much like the tshirt she regularly wore, except this one had ‘KARMA’ in big black letters. I gasp excitedly looking at Sadie, “cause you’re my BOYFRIEND!” I giggle and kiss his lips sweetly. 

“That I am baby. Well I’m glad it’s not just you guys to be all dressed up, Thank y’bug, really, that was super sweet” he said and I smiled big. 

“ ‘dressed up’ if I knew you were going we’d have a couples costume babe” I go and grab my midnight blue sparkly boots that I’d also bejeweled myself and zip them up. “Am I giving vigilante shit?” I pose with my heel on the bedside chair and Sadie laughs. 

“Yes dude you look fire.” She said, zipping up her own heels. “So do you!! I wish Syd would just give it up and become a Swiftie!! We’re gonna convert her by next tour, then we can all have sparkly outfits” I said confidently and Carm opens the bathroom door, coming out in his new shirt. 

“It’s not a couples costume but it should do, right honey?” He teases and I smile big. 

“Anything on you is made one million times sexier I’m not sure why I ever had a second thought.” I come up, my hands trailing under his shirt as I kissed him deeply. The door opens and I pulled away. 

“I’m Fearless!” Eva said happily, bounding in wearing her brown cowgirl boots and golden fringe dress, shaking around to show us the movement and hugging my waist. 

“And she needs a nap!” Richie mouthed, shutting the door and Carm snorts a laugh. 

“What did you have for lunch pippy?” I picked her up, holding her on my good hip. 

“We had pizza with pepperoni my favorite” she said, gently cupping my cheek. 

“You look like Taylor!!” She said happily “all the sparkles are so prettyyy” she leans in, our foreheads touching “could I have some?” She whispers and I giggle.

“Of course pipsqueak. Here” I set her down on the bed and went over to my suitcase, rifling through my makeup bag and grabbing the same glitter gel I’d used and I come over, dabbing some on her cheeks. 

“Carmy needs some too” she said with her eyes shut and I look at him over my shoulder, a blush splaying over his cheeks. 

“N-no boys don’t- er- Carmy doesn’t need it” he said and I smile. 

“Why not baby? We can all match yeah? It’d be cute. F’me, f’youre special honey” I gave him a pout and fluttered my lashes. 

He sighed “fine.” He sits down next to Eva and I giggled. 

“Carmy” Eva said and his eyes flutter shut as I dab the sparkles along his cheekbones. 

“Mmhmm” he hummed in response. 

“Why do you only listen to Winnie?” She asks curiously and Richie, Sadie and I bust up laughing together. 

He looks at her. “Cause I’m big and I can choose who I do and don’t listen to kid.” He said, poking her arm and she giggled. 

“Sugar says you’re still just a little baby” she teased and he snorts. 

“Sugar is an instigator.” He told her as I plop in his lap with my drink.  

“What’s an instigator?” She repeats

“Someone who starts stuff” I told her and smile a bit. “Like, your daddy always instigates the arguments about the front of the restaurant where he works” i leaned in and whispered to her, causing her to giggle. 

“Hey! I do not” Richie said. 

“Do. Absolutely you do.” Carmen said with a smirk. 

“Yeah yeah alright cousin fuckin’ - let’s just go please. Load up in the car, Eva go potty” he told her and she jumped up running off to the bathroom. I finish off my drink and grabbed my purse, being sure I had everything. 

“I have 2 portable chargers” I told Sadie. 

“Perfecto, I got 3. We should be good” she nods, zipping her purse back up.

By the time we’d gotten to the stadium, (a very quiet ride because Eva had to take a nap or would be a terror most the night) Sadie and I were practically bursting with excitement. 

“Evaaa!” I whisper, gently rubbing her arm. “Guess where we are?” I said and she opens her eyes, looking up and squealing when she sees the stadium.

“WERE GONNA SEE TAYLOR!!!” She squealed.

“Yaassss! Taylorrrr!” Sadie said opening up her door and helping her unbuckle. Carm helped me put my heels on since I knew if I wore them the whole time in the car my hip would hurt before we even got in the stadium.

“Now, only rule- y’tell me when y’re hurtin’, got it?” he whispered in my ear and I look up at him, nodding.

“Promise, I’ll sit down if I start hurting” I said and pucker my lips for a kiss. He obliges before grabbing my purse from the car.

“Y’wanna hold it or want me to babe?” he asked. 

“Uhmmm, can you for now and then when I run out of bracelets i’ll take it?” I ask and he nods, holding my hand and lacing our fingers. 

“Sounds good t’me baby” he said, and we all started the long walk to the stadium entrance.

“Christ cousin- could you have picked a further spot? Y’know how it is with her and walkin’, were gonna be standing all night, jagoff” Carm complains and I nudge him.

“You know what?! You should’ve driven then, Mister fuckin New York, bet you’d have found the bessttt spot right?” he shoots back. 

“Stop!” I flick the back of his head, “And stop” I kiss Carmys cheek gently, “We’re having fun t’night, I promised bear, I’ll tell you if i’m hurting” I said and Richie shoots me a glare.

“So I get a flick, he gets a kiss?! F’startin’ it?!” he complains and I giggle with a shrug. 

“Cousin treatment I guess, er-brother? I dunno, all of our family dynamics are all fucked up” I said.

“Winnie thats a bad word” Eva looks up at me.

“It is a bad word, but sometimes- mmm… listen to your daddy, but I think, cause i’m a grown up and I dont have to listen to my mommy or daddy anymore, - sometimes, bad words can be used to describe bad things. And my family, isn’t very good.” I shrug and she nods.

“I think multiplication homework is all fucked up” she said and Carm, Sadie and I howl with laughter.

“Ayyyy!!!! No! No- not allowed that word ‘till y’re like 13 kid, that was y’re one pass, y’mother is gonna fuc- flipping- kill me if she hears that comin’ from y’mouth” he pats her head gently. 

“Mommy says you and Cousin Carmy are bad influences for me, what does that mean?” She looks up at him and he rolls his eyes. “It means that your mommy is telling you things that are none of your business. When she tells you those things, just say nicely “I dont think thats my business mommy” “ I told her and Carm squeezes my hand assuringly.

We get up to the entrance and I was practically dancing with anticipation, I couldn’t stay still. “Sadie” I said and she looks over “I’m like-” I shake my hands “Like- too excited, it’s too loud, too many people- can we play hands?” I asked , it was a game we’d develouped since we’d both seemed to absorb way too much nervous, excited energy while around crowds like this, where we’d both stand about a foot away from eachother, and push our hands together until one of our feet moved, and the person who remained still would be the winner.

She frowns, “Sorry dude, my hand- remember?” she said and I sighed, nodding and crossing my arms over my middle, squeezing my waist- trying to find any semblance of grounding I could. 

Sadie had broken her hand at work a while ago, and needed some kind of tendon surgery to fix it- so playing hands wasn’t really an option for her since it wasn’t good for her to put pressure on it.

“Whats hands?” Carm asks, wrapping his arm around me- and for whatever reason the material of this shirt was making me cringe right now.

“Agh-” I step away, rubbing over my arm where the fabric brushed me. “Sorry.. Sorry- we haven’t washed it yet” I said and he looks down. 

“My shirt? ‘M sorry baby, it’s buggin you?” he asked and I shook my head. 

“I-it wasn’t i’m just…it’s s’much and I love it but ‘m just…I dunno- hands is a game we like, hold up your hands like this” I show him and he copies. 

“I cant win y’re too strong so just let me push on you” I said and he nods.

 “Push away baby” he smiled a bit and I connected our palms, putting all of my strength into pushing him but of course he didnt budge, he had a little less then a foot and a bit more then 100 pounds on me, so that was to be expected. But the relief of focusing all my energy in to somewhat of a physical release had the same effect.

I gave him a hug when my arms felt like Jelly and rest my cheek on his chest. “Can y’cover my ear so it’s more quiet” I asked him and he nodded, gently covering up my exposed ear with his hand and kissing the top of my head sweetly. I closed my eyes, sighing as I felt a sense of relief flood my senses at the much more dulled noise. “Thank you” I mumble and he rubbed my back gently with is other hand.

About 10 minutes later when the line finally started moving, I’d felt much better and way more regulated. “M’ better, thank you Bear” I told him, puckering my lips.

“Any time angel, y’know I brought your airpods f’you, right? In case you wanted to listen to music in the car? They’re charged, they have the noise cancellation thing on them” he said and my mouth drops.

“Carmen” I said in shock.

“What?!” He chuckles, digging in his pockets and pulling out my pink airpods case. 

“You are the most thoughtful man in the god damn world baby, how did I get so fuckin’ lucky? I didn’t even think of the noise cancellation, y’re so fuckin smart, Bear” I cupped his cheeks, pulling him down for a deep loving kiss.

He pulled away, quicker then I would like, but I still knew he’s a bit shy when it comes to showing love in public. His cheeks were bright pink, and a smile danced on his lips.

“Totally not, but f’some reason I guess you bring the thoughtfulness outta me” he said, slipping the case back in his jeans pocket. I linked our arms together and he got the tickets ready, and Sadie taps both our shoulders suddenly.

We looked back at her, seeing she was holding her phone up “Cheese lovebirds!” She chirps and I smile wide, Carm leans in and kisses my cheek sweetly. “I’m convinced you don’t want Syd and I’s family seeing your face, Carmen” she teases and I giggle, smushing his cheeks and holding his face towards the camera, laughing 

“Get it Sadie!! Quick!” I said and she clicked the button a few times. 

“Perfect got one not blurry one with a smile, thanks Pooh” she slips her phone in her pocket. We got up to the gate and Carm hands the woman scanning our tickets.

“Us five” he motions to us and she nodded, scanning them all. “Enjoy the show, bag check’s up at the doors” she said, handing the tickets back and he put them back in the envelope, and back in my purse securely before we continued on.

“Alright baby so you guys go do your bracelets, Richie, Eva and I are gonna wait for y’re shirts n’ stuff, d’you want drink money?” He asks and I shake my head.

“No sugardaddy i’m fine” I teased, giving him a peck on the lips. “I love you, see you in like 30- er 45 ok? We’ll meet- “ I look over near the doors to see there was a little garden section with a smokers area. “Perfect! Smoke garden there” I point and he nods.

“I love you, be safe yeah? Call me f’r anything y’need” he held my waist securely, waiting for a response.  “Yessss Carmy!” I giggled, “Were amongst friends here, you’ll see everyone is so super nice” I link my arm in Sadies, heading off to meet new fans.

“Oh my god you girls look awesome can my daughter take a picture with the two of you?” a blonde woman asks Sadie and I, I smiled wide - this was not the first time tonight we’d gotten that. Our outfits were an absolute hit tonight. 

“Why of course! Would the two of you like to trade bracelets?” I asked, getting down to the level of the miniature copy of the mother, offering her a “Evermore” bracelet in my hand, adorned with maroon, green and brown beads. 

“Yes please” she said shyly, taking one of the bracelets off her wrist that were much oversized and handing one to me then to Sadie, to which she put a “Karma” bracelet in her hand in return. As we were ending the conversation, Sadie opens her purse, handing over my phone. 

“Carmen” she told me. 

“Sorry ladies- it was so nice talking, my boyfriend is trying to get ahold of us- have a fabulous time” I told them and slid to answer, not even remembering to checking the time. 

“Baby! We just got to the garden, where are you, you alright?” He said. I smile a bit, looking over about 100 paces to my right seeing him standing there, in the smokers garden holding the phone to one ear and a cigarette in the other, taking a drag as he waited for my response.

“Bear” I giggle “Look - mmm- 2 oclock?” I said and he turns the opposite way. “Y’know, f’r a guy thats obsessed with time, y’re shit at finding someone on the clock analogy” I teased and he turned the other way, the setting June sun allowing him to find me and Sadie nearly immediately from the sunlight bouncing off our outfits.

“Jesus dunno how I missed you guys y’re like fuckin bottles of glitter” he chuckled and I hung up, grabbing Sadies arm and leading her over to him. 

“Thank you” I replied when I got up to him, kissing his cheek. “Carmen” I said, looking at the four bags of merch sitting on the table. His cheeks heat slightly. 

“Okay- babe, listen, s’you told me y’wanted that crewneck, and the tshirt, but I f’rgot which t’shirt and I was not waiting in that line again for another hour and a half - so- so I just got like…one of everything - and I also got one for Sadie- perfectly reasonable a-and I got Eva some extra stuff too. But- s’you…just-just chill out here, and i’m gonna go bring this stuff t’the car with Richie.” he said and I laugh.

“Bear! Oh my god- no more gifts until my birthday!” I told him and he chuckled, picking up two of the bags. “Can’t promise anything like that baby, call me if-” I finished for him.

“We need anything” I kissed his lips sweetly. “Thank y’Carmy, really, y’didn’t have to go all out like this - I’ll…” I took a deep breath, trying to contain my emotions. “I’ll never forget this, baby” I said softly, doing everything in my power to hold the tears back.

“I know you wont, angel. I love you” he kissed my forehead sweetly and he and went off with Richie. I sat down immediately after they left, my hip was already starting to feel tight due to the heels and all the up and down crouching to meet little fans. 

“Ooo Eva! Look another little girl in a Fearless dress! Y’wanna go give her a Fearless bracelet?” Sadie asks her and she nods excitedly, holding her hand as they walked over. I watched them, smiling as I did so- taking everything in. 

By the time Carm and Richie had gotten back, Sadie and I were once again tipsy off of the drinks she’d ran and gotten us from the bar truck, and I had been smart enough to sneak in some shots in my bra to give them the extra kick. She’d even gotten Eva a virgin one of her own in the same fancy disposable cup, so she wouldnt feel left out. 

“Fuck you walk fast” Richie says, plopping down in the seat across from me at the little patio table we’d claimed, panting. 

“You walk slow as shit Cousin” Carm pats my shoulder for me to get up and sit in his lap, for which I was very grateful- because even through the alcohol my hip began throbbing from sitting on the hard metal chair. 

I get up, taking my spot in his comfortable lap and sighing in relief. He digs out a cigarette from his jacket pocket he’d put on, lighting one between his lips. The sun had already went down most of the way and the 60 degree weather, which was cold to me- wasn’t going to do anything good for my hip.  “Did y’bring mine?” I ask him quietly. 

“Y’re prerolls baby? I brought 3 f’you, you hurtin’ already?” he asks after he took a drag. I bit the inside of my lip gently and shrug, looking at my lap. “Alright no more bracelets, I want y’to be able to enjoy y’rself baby, here” he hands me his cigarette to hold for him while he dug my preroll out of his pocket, lighting it for me before we switched. I leaned against his chest, taking a drag and blowing it away from the table. 

“Thank y’for remembering, Bear” I said softly and he wrapped his arm around my waist securely, rubbing my good hip gently. 

“Course angel” He mutters and kisses my shoulder before having another drag of his cigarette.

By the time I finished my preroll, I was feeling much better, the pain was mostly non-existant and would stay that way for hopefully a few hours. I finished the rest of my drink on the way in to bag check, chucking the disposable cup with Taylors name on it in the garbage.

By the time we’d gotten to our seats Sadie, Eva and I were balls of excitement. The view of the stage was insane. Sadie and I were in the upper bowl last time, so seeing how really big the stage was, was crazy. My head - Carms head, wouldnt even hit the top of it, which told me that it had to be taller then 6 feet. “Y’know” I said, to Carm, “I don’t know why I thought the stage would be…shorter? But Taylor wears 6 inch heels, so shes 6’5? 6’6 in her shoes? So to get around under there-”

“Six fucking foot?!” he exclaimed, eyes wide. I laughed at his surprise.

“Yaaas! 6 foot tall amazonian goddess” I giggle and he raised his eyebrows.

“Shit I knew she was tall but when I met ‘er the other-” he slaps his hand over his mouth, and my eyes nearly bulge out of my head, and Richie and Sadies head snap in his direction. 

“You WHAT?!”

“YOU MET WHO!?”

“BEAR WHAT” 

Sadie, Richie and I all spoke at once and he shakes his head. “No- Like- no” he laughs nervously, shaking his head. “No not what I meant- I meant if y’know like if I met ‘er” he said, and I knew he was lying through his teeth.

“Did you meet Taylor Alison Swift, yes or no- if you lie, I will never let you touch me again” I said, staring into his very soul. It only took about 3 seconds for him to crack.

“Itwasonlyf’rlike3minutesandshegavemetheticketscauseherboyfriendlikesitalianfood” he blurted out and my eyes widen.

“No - no- Carmen. You MET HER?!” I said and he gives me a shy nervous smile.

“Mmmhmm..but like- 2 seconds babe- and- yeah shes fuckin huge- like- so tall” he said and I shook my head. 

“What did you say to her- go, in your brain- now - because I know you have a fucking photographic memory, and tell me what transpired, Carmen. Tell me” I squeeze his wrist in anticipation and he sighed. 

“That- that you really wanted t’come here, and that you love her music, and that- that she reminds me of a cat? And she laughed! I made her laugh babe” he said smiling bigger.

My jaw drops once more “SADIE” I lean over, looking at her. “Do you know what this MEANS?! TAYLOR Thinks MY Boyfriend is FUNNY! That means…that means- she likes what I like…so- oh my god- we’d totally be friends- Carm likes you, Carm likes me- She liked Carm, She likes us!!!” I said excitedly and Sadie nods with a big smile.

“We are so delulu” she said, laughing and Carm chuckles. 

“The hell is delulu?” He questions and I laughed.  “Delusional my lovely old man” I peck his lips gently and he shakes his head with a smile.

I had forced myself to sit suring the BOYGENIUS set, even though I did quite enjoy them, I had to save my energy for Taylor. I made a bit of an acception for Sabrina though, since Sadie and I hadn’t seen her before, and her stage presence was so magnetic that we just couldn’t help but get up and dance.

When the clock came on the screen, Richie, Sadie, Eva and I shot up out of our seats and Carm got the hint as well. “Alright baby whats happening” He asked and I giggle, jumping like a kid on Christmas with excitement. 

“The QUEEN is about to come out!” I said in his ear over the screaming and looked back to the screen, my hands coming to my mouth in anticipation. 

At the sound of the first ‘It’s been a long time comin’ Sadie, Eva, Richie and I scream. 

“FUCK YEAHHH!!!” Richie whoops, causing me to giggle. I held Sadies hand tightly as the dancers come out with the breathtaking watercolor shell like billowing tapestries, bowing at the front of the stage over where Taylor comes out. 

Carm leans over, “What’s with the flags baby?” he asked in my ear.

I gently rest my hand on my cheek, he crouches down slightly so I could hear him. “Its the birth of Venus, the analogy” I told him and he nods. I let go of his hand as the beginning sequence ended putting my hands on top of my head, completely unsure how to cage the all-consuming surge of emotions coursing through my veins.

‘It’s been a long time comin’ but- Its you and me- Thats my whole world! They whisper in the hallway ‘shes a bad bad girl’ Okay! The whole school is rollin’ fake dice, you play stupid games you win stupid prizes!’ 

Sadie, Richie, Eva and I go nuts, scream singing every word, dancing and jumping. I didnt even realize I was crying until I felt Carm’s hand around my waist, leaning down and saying in my ear, “Havin’ fun honey?” 

I looked up to him, Smiling huge “THE MOST FUN EVER! I LOVE YOU!!!” I shout loud enough for him to hear, kissing his lips lovingly before continuing to watch. Sadie and I dance and sing and scream for the rest of Miss Americana, and when It got to the Cruel Summer bridge, the whole stadium was buzzing with excitement. 

“Alright New York City!” Taylor says and everyone screams in response. “We have arrived, at the very first bridge this evening- And you may know this is my only show in this beautiful city that is my home away from home- So I want you to scream it!!! Lets Go!!” and scream it Sadie, Eva, Richie and I do. 

During Lover, Carm sweetly held me as we swayed and listened, his arms wrapped around my waist and I rested my head against his chest, soaking in the sweetness of the moment. And of course, during The Archer, her comforted me while I cried because of how much the song meant for me and my anxiety problems, kissing my forehead and gently wiping my tears. 

During Fearless Eva spun in the isle while Taylor did, and I could’ve sworn Taylor saw her by the kiss she blew in our direction between verses - but all of my intuition was shown to be right, because during the ‘Enchanted’ era, A woman in a black tshirt and black pants comes up to our isle, walking infront of me and Carm down to Richie and Evas seat, and whispers something in Richies ear, to which he nods very quickly, before leaning down and whispering something in Evas ear and she jumps up and down, until the woman in the black shirt whispers something else in her ear and she very quickly calmed down, nodding obediently and taking the womans hand.

Sadie gives me wide eyes as shes taken with the woman and stands up with the woman where the barricade is. “What’s goin on with Eva?” Carm asks in my ear. 

It took everything in me to not burst in to tears knowing how much this was going to mean to Eva. “Shes gonna get the hat!” I told him and his eyes widen. 

“During- during 22?” He asked and I nod excitedly. He got his phone out, ready to record. When the time came, Eva was brought to sit on a platform right in front of the stage, and was sitting on her knees as she patiently waited, wiggling around to the song.

Richie right behind her at the barricade in the isle, recording the whole interaction, and Sadie and I sing and dance to the song, relishing in the pure enchantment on Eva’s face as Taylor kneels in front of her, trading bracelets with her before putting the hat on her head and brushing the rim playfully and getting up to continue singing. As soon as the security lifted Eva back over the barricate, she sprints in to Richies arms, and he picks her up, spinning her around and kissing her cheek. 

“Oh my godddd!” I said my heart melting at the sight and Carm stops filming, I look up to see a few stray tears wetting his cheeks as well.

“Ohhhh my sweet bear” I said, rubbing his chest gently. 

“Holy fuck! Look at that!!” Richie said as he comes back to their seats. Eva bounces all around, a whole new fire to her energy. 

School on Monday is gonna be epic for her surely.

During All Too Well ten minute version, Carm and I decided to sit and have some water to let my hip get some much needed rest for a little bit. He wrapped his arm around me, leaning back in his seat and running a hand through his hair, yawning. “Tired?” I ask and he nodded a bit. 

“I didn’t think I would be t’be honest, y’know how late we stay up, think I just need a cigarette if ‘m honest” he said and I nodded. I rest my head on his shoulder, continuing to watch Taylor infront of us. 

Thankfully, the Folklore era was next, which wasn’t too much of a dancey album- so we all got to sit for 20 minutes through all too well, and betty, which was very nice that we had some time to recharge, especially since after this era, 1989 era was next, which Sadie and I were both huge fans of. I sat up for The Last Great American Dynasty though, Screaming along with Sadie, 

“There goes THE LOUDEST WOMAN THIS TOWN HAS EVER SEEN!!!” as did the majority of the crowd.

I held Carms hand during August, resting my head on his shoulder once more and he gives me a kiss on the forehead. “Is- is she barefoot babe?” he asks in my ear and I laughed, looking up at him.

“No silly- shes wearing ballet slippers? Like what ballerinas wear before they go on pointe?” I said and he nods. 

“Ahhh” he said and chuckled a bit. “S’rry they’re so close to her skin color” he said and I shook my head, giggling. 

Standing up right away with Sadie and Eva when she came over to our side to wave and waving at her excitedly, blowing kisses and holding up hearts. She smiles big and waves back at us that had to be for us- shes looking right at us.

Sadie and I jump and scream, remaining standing since she walked down the whole length of the stage, and we would get insane videos and pictures since she was going to stopping right in front of us or the majority of the song. 

It took my breath away, when she stopped, belting the bridge, and dropping to her knees right in front of us on the stage. ‘And I can go anywhere I want, Anywhere I want, just not home. And you can aim for my heart, go for blood. But you would still miss me in your bones. And I still talk to you - when I'm screaming at the sky, And when you can't sleep at night - you hear my stolen lullabies. I didn't have it in myself to go with grace and so the battleships will sink beneath the waves’ She stood up, her white gown flowing like angel wings as she spun around and began her decent back down the stage.

I wiped the tears streaming down my face from the touching performance, shaking my hands and rolling my shoulders when she song was over. Carm kisses my temple, “Y’happy angel?” He asked, and I look up at him as if he got me the moon on a fucking string.

“Happy? I’m…fuckin elated, baby- I cant even digest how happy I am right now” I laugh and pulled him in to a sweet kiss. 

We all sang and dance along to 1989, Carm being very proud of himself for knowing all the words- probably since they were so popular when he was living in New York, and he’d told me once while watching this era during the movie for the 50 millionth time, that alot of the songs they “played to death” in the restaurants he worked. 

It was so fuckin fun to watch him fully let loose, and dance with me, sing with me, not a speck of shyness to be found. It just turned up my fire to 100, giving me a whole new love for this album. 

“And to the fella over there with the hella good hair Won't you come on over, baby? We can shake, shake, shake” I sang along, ruffling Carm’s messy curls and he laughs, kissing me sweetly before the beat dropped again and I started bouncing and happily dancing again. 

At the beginning of Bad blood, I tap him and he leans in “ ‘sup baby?” he asks.

“When she says ‘If you live like that, you live with ghosts’ f’r the first time, you gotta screeeeam ‘you forgive, you forget, but you never let it go’- ok?” I told him and he nods, giving me a thumbs up.

“Got it” he said and I giggled happily, turning my attention back to the stage. When she sang it, without fail, Carm shouted along with Me, Sadie, Richie and Eva as promised and Richie slaps his back approvingly.

“Fuck yeahhh cousin!! You study?” He teased and Carm shook his head.

“No need,” he wraps his arm around me. “ Got a professional w’me most the time” he kissed my head and I laughed, resting my head on his shoulder lovingly.

When Taylor came out in her red surprise song dress, I held Carms hand, screaming excitedly. 

“Hellooooo” she said adorably, strumming her guitar. “So- you’ve made it to the acoustic set, if you didn’t know, every show I sing a few different songs from my catalog cause, y’can only fit so much into a concert- and I’ve been told i’ve released an ungodly amount of albums” she giggles, getting a ton of laughs from the crowd of course, we all fuckin’ adore her. 

“So tonight, I usually only take requests from friends, but I got this request the other day- and the songs actually sounded like they’d go cute together, and y’guys know me, of course i’ll spice em up for you a little” she said and started the opening chords.

“The way you move is like a full on rainstorm, and I’m a house of cards, you’re the kinda wreckless that should send me runnin’ but I kinda know that I wont get far” She sings, and I couldn’t contain it anymore- I burst into tears. This song means so much to me, the amount of times Chris and I listened to this song together- it was his favorite Taylor song, which led it to become my favorite song of hers after he passed. 

Carm rubs my arm gently, holding me to his chest and squeezing me gently. “I love you” he said in my ear and kisses my temple. I took a shaking breath, not even able to respond as this was the first time i’d heard this song live before, and all I could imagine was how much Chris would’ve loved this show. 

I lean in to him, watching the stage, and once Sadie realizes what was happening, she wraps her arms around me as well, resting her head on my shoulder. “He’s probably here, y’know, spiteful fuck wouldn’t come here in the afterlife unless you were with ‘em right? So lets party with em, not cry” Sadie said in my ear and I smiled, looking over at her.

“Have I told you you’re the bestest friend and my fuckin platonic soulmate?” I told her and she giggles, wiping my tears. 

“Yes, I believe once or twice, and you’re mine - now are we gonna cry during the bridge? Or are we gonna lose our fucking minds?” she asked and I nodded, holding her hand and sniffling, finding my composure once more. There would be loads of time to digest this and cry about it later on, for now I want to live in this beautiful, happy moment. 

“I run my fingers through your hair and watch the lights go wild!! Just keep on keepin’ your eyes on me, It's just wrong enough to make it feel right!” we held hands, dancing and laughing and singing. It truly was magical.

But I was awestruck when instead of finishing the bridge, she slips in to Mine instead, Carm and I’s song, the song that reminded me so much of him. I look at him, jaw dropped as she sings.

“Brace myself for the goodbye, cause it’s all i’ve ever known, but you took me by surprise- you said ‘I’ll never leave you alone..’ “ before slipping right back in to sparks fly, “Drop everything now, meet me in the pourin’ rain, kiss me on the sidewalk, take away the pain” and going back to Mine again, “He said ‘I remember how it felt sittin’ by the water, and every time I look at you it’s like the first time.” and going back again to sparks fly, “So get me with those green eyes baby as the lights go down give me somethin’ that’ll haunt me when i’m not around, cause i’ve seen sparks fly whenever you smile” before switching back again, “You made a rebel of a careless mans careful daughter you are the best thing, thats ever been mine. Do you believe it? And the sparks fly” 

I hugged him tightly, sobbing in to his chest. He doesnt know how much this means to me. For us to be here, together tonight, and for her to play 2 of the most important songs to me, the songs that remind me of the two people I love most - It was borderline overwhelming.

For the next song per usual she sat down at her piano, and without another speech, started playing the opening chords of Evermore and Sadie and I lost it, screaming ferally with the rest of the stadium once we realized which song it was. 

Carm laughs at our excitement, rubbing my back. “S’did she pick good ones t’night?” he asked in my ear. I look up at him, everything clicking in to place for how he planned every single thing about this night. 

I shook my head, laughing and pulling him to me. “You have unlimited head, for the rest of our lives” I told him and he laughed, kissing my cheek gently.

“I wont say no to that- if y’re offerin” he mused, patting my bum gently. I kiss him again and again, wrapping my arm around his middle and resting my head on his chest, hugging him tightly. 

“I love you” I said and kissed his neck sweetly. He brushed my sweaty curls from my forehead, gently stroking my cheek with his forefinger. 

“I love you baby, s’much, endlessly” he said and kissed my lips once more.

I rested in to him as he held me from behind, “This ones sad babe..but what the hell does unmoored mean?” he said in my ear and I giggle, Looking up at him.

“A mooring is where ships are docked during a storm, baby, if your ships unmoored- y’re fucked” I told him and he raised his eyebrows, nodding and continuing to listen along intently. 

He wraps his arms around me securely, resting his chin atop my head, and I’d never felt safer, more secure, more loved, and thought of, and listened to then I did in this moment. Hot tears stream down my cheeks but a huge smile was still plastered on my face. My entire chest felt warm, like I could explode with all of the love that was coursing through me, I felt like I was literally glowing.

When the song finished, I look up at him with a small sad pout. “Only one more era… then it’s all done” I said a bit sadly and he chuckles.

“Only one more baby? Your voice is already gone, I don’t think we could do anymore after it’s over” he said and kisses my forehead, wiping the residual tears from my cheeks and eyes. I giggled a bit.

“Sorry, I know my voice probably sounds annoying” I said and clear my throat, it did feel really raw, and sore as well. I was probably not gonna have much of a voice for a good few days.

He furrowed his eyebrows, “Baby, you could never annoy me, it’s cute - it shows you had alot of fun” he said, rubbing my hip gently. 

I lean in, kissing his lips gently before the beginning of Lavender Haze started and Sadie and I go nuts, - Richie just pumps his fist, as he was now holding a sleeping Eva in his arms and I pout, grabbing my phone and taking a photo before turning my attention back to the stage.

During Vigilante Shit, Carm leans down and says in my ear, “Y’gonna dance f’me like that in your pretty outfit baby?” he asked and I felt butterflies swarming in my stomach, if my cheeks werent already flushed from moving around so much i’d be blushing like mad.

“If you can handle it- we havent even got to the good part yet” I teased, kissing his jaw gently and he kissed my lips hungrily.

“T’morrow, i’m cashin in on one of those tickets f’head mentioned earlier, and y’re wearin’ that” he told me and I look up at him, a pesky smirk on my lips and I raised my eyebrows surprised at his boldness. 

“Someones in a mood” I giggled and peck his lips before turning my attention back to the stage. 

During Bejewled when Taylor came to the end of the stage shaking her hips to show off her fringe, I stepped in the isle, jumping and waving to try and get her attention and shook my hips, mirroring her. She smiled wide and pointed at me before she said her little ‘Nice!’ waving in my direction and I’m glad Carm had followed me in to the isle because when she walked away my knees nearly buckled under me. 

Sadie came over, jumping in excitement and patting my arm excitedly, “DUDE!!! DUDDEEEE!!! SHE SAID HIII!!!” She laughed and hugs me tight and we bounced and jumped and sang the rest of the whole song, nothing could’ve brought me down in that moment. 

We danced and sang to Mastermind, and when she came out with her Rainbow jacket, I point at her, tugging Carms sleeve and he leans down to hear me.

“I lied!!! If you can find one of those rainbow jackets for a reasonable price- I’ll accept” I told him and he laughs, nodding and giving me a thumbs up. 

“I’ll try t’find one f’you princess, promise” He kissed my temple. 

Carm and I danced hand in hand to Karma together, singing every lyric, him knowing them all since i’d listened to it so often with him around, and it was one of her more repetitive songs after all, pointing to him when we’d sing, ‘Karma is my boyfriend’, dancing, jumping around, laughing, fully enjoying ourselves. We all needed this. 

When the song ended, and Taylor was thanking her band and dancers, a man with a stage headset wearing black jeans and a black shirt, similar to the woman who collected Eva, came down the row, stopping at Carm and saying something in his ear.

He looks back at them, a confused look on his face, “Who? I don’t know anyone in there-” he said and the man leaned in again, saying something else in his ear and Carm’s eyebrows raised in surprise. He looked at me before back at the man. “Okay- but i’m takin’ her.” he said, pointing to me, and the man shook his head.

“Just you-” he replied over the music and Carm shakes his head in response.

“Tell ‘em I said where I go, she goes, so he can fuck all the way off if she can’t come with” he said and the man shrugged, walking off again. 

“What was that?” I asked him over the music. 

“Travis Kelce wanted t’talk t’me? But the douche said only I could go, ‘mnot doin’ that” he shook his head, resuming clapping and cheering with the rest of the crowd. My jaw drops and I hit his arm gently.

“Babe! What the hell? No!!! Go over there!!! Do you know how much business it would bring if he talked about The Bear on his podcast?” I asked and he shrugs in response.

“Don’t care, I need y’with me babe. I can’t talk t’him without you, Taylor will probably be there- I can’t just…go meet her without you, thats fucked” he said and I pout, hugging his arm and the same man comes over again.

“Alright, but just you, and her, no one else” he explained and Carm nods, grabbing his jacket from the chair and lacing our fingers together as we followed. I felt my heart racing. So hard that I felt my pulse in my throat, it was taking everything in me to just pay attention to each step and not stumble over my own feet. 

We’re led to a white tent, various famous people standing about, but the tallest person there also- seemingly the biggest personality in the room, had invited us. “Yoooooo there he is! Bro- wassup!” he comes over, giving Carm a guy hug, patting his back firmly.

“Y’guys like the show? Fuckin’ crazy shit right!!” he said. His voice was booming, and I thought Carmy was loud- even he wouldn’t win in a screaming match with this guy. 

“Yeah, really awesome she puts on a fantastic show, Nice t’meet you I’m Carmen- everyone usually just calls me Carm though, and this is my girl, Winnie” he said and I smiled nervously, giving a small wave. I literally could find no words to say to this man, I felt everything I said would make it back to Taylor and I’d end up embarrassing myself. 

“Winnie!! Cool like the bear? Sick name, that outfits firreee girl! Where’d you get it?” he asks and my eyes widen and I looked down at my outfit and back at him, my cheeks going red.

“Uh- I-I made it?” I said in awe that he recognized anything at all about me. Mostly the fact that he was a guy, a football jock at that, but also - he is dating the most beautiful, sought after women in the world at the moment.

“Whaaat?! Shit!! You Swifties are crazy Taylor’s gonna love that she should be-” 

“TRAVYYYY” we heard and I spun around so fast I thought my head may fly off to see Taylor fucking SWIFT barreling up to her boyfriend, and jumping into his arms- wrapping herself around him the same way I did with Bear. My grip on his arm tightened and I look up at him like an absolute deer in headlights.

“C’mon- go say hi princess, shes really nice” he whispers in my ear. 

“Thereee she is, you did so amazing honey!” Travis told her, spinning her around causing her to laugh excitedly. 

“Oh my god- Heyyy Chef! Did Travis drag you over here?” she asked, hopping down from his arms and Carm chuckled a bit.

“Hardly dragged, but uh yeah- great- awesome show, still stand by what I said about the cat thing, though” Carm said with one of his teasing grins and I just look between them, in utter shock. He was playing around with her?!

She laughed, turning to Travis  “Trav- he told me that I remind him of his cat during tolerate it, y’know I was thinking about that the whole song” she said and Travis chuckles.

“Thats the highest compliment you could’ve given her. Her and cats is somethin’ else. But- look babe” he told her and motions to my outfit.

“T she made that” he said and my heart was thumping so hard it felt like it would fly out of my chest. I felt so small in front of her, both physically and emotionally. I was unsure why I felt this way, the love I had for the woman in front of me was unreal, but there was like a…mental block? Anything i’d ever wanted to tell her had slipped my mind, and my whole brain was dark and empty. 

“Oh my GOD no way! Crazy holy shit” she said coming over and running her fingers over the beads. Carm nudges me gently, urging me to talk to her.

“Tell her baby, about all the beads” he said and I swallow thickly, nodding.

“I-um- Hi I-im Winnie..it’s like- This is crazy I-wow… um - so- so see um…they're in clusters of 13 and 7 alternating, a-and.. There are 89…rows, um each- each section. S-so like this panel and the back one a-and then, I didn’t plan it, but each um..each big bead it ended up being perfect if I secured them 13 times, s-so they’d like stick up how y’rs do” I rambled nervously and she leaned in, looking closer.

“Wow” she whispered, “This is sick- you’re a professional then?” she stood up straight, towering over me once more and I looked up at her.

“Um” I manage to get out.

“She could be- she spent…what was it babe? 450 hours on this? And y’took that sewing class, and that rhinestone class and everything?” Carm encourages, it’s not supposed to be him who’s the talker. He’s probably panicking right now and i’m gonna be the reason for a panic attack when we got out of here.

“Yeah! Mmmhmm- and y’re like- wow Taylor” my sudden realization such a high stakes social situation would absolutely be freaking him out. “I- like- I’ve been such a fan of your art since like- Middle School- I- I couldn’t see you until I was older cause’- y’know, life gets in the way, but- last year I got this-” I paused, pulling up my hair and showing her the little mirrorball script tattoo on the back of my neck.

She gasped, running her finger over it gently, and even though I was hot, goosebumps still rose on my flesh. “ Wow “ she said softly. “Thats…thats so pretty…I love the grey its so delicate and pretty” she said.

I turned to her again, smiling big and taking her hands. “Thats how I am about everything you accomplish - just, Wowed everything you do, everything you are- like- you’ll be in the history books- there are so many things about you and your career that are like- just..like-” I laugh, shaking my head. “How do you do it? I know thats like… a stupid question? But like- It’s…like insanity” I said and she laughs a bit, nodding. 

“Thank you! Honestly I-I don’t…really know? Alot of times…Like- I can tell we’re not too far apart in age just by how you carry yourself and stuff and… hearing you listened to me in middle school- it’s like- crazy because I’ve lived one million lives since then…I guess thats how? But really..it means alot that my art means alot to you, and i’m so grateful that you came. The tattoo is so pretty, also- your name is just like…Adorable” she squeezed my hands and I felt tears welling up behind my eyes.

“I’m so sorry to be a freak and cry, you’re just, so special, like- not in a fan way- in a human way. You-” I took a deep breath. “You are a light, a beacon for so so many young women, Taylor. And you have been for so long - and you will only get better, you have proved that. Like- i’m not sure if some guy really told you your aura was moonstone, but it truly is, you just sparkle, and - you like…are just- Thank you, for being you, and thank you for being so raw in your music, and just…thank you” I said and she pulls me into a hug, wrapping her arms around me. 

“Thank you, Winnie” she said, rubbing my back. I internally was uncontrollably sobbing and screaming but- on the outside, I somehow managed to just hold her back and hug her like a normal person. 

“I’m sorry- im sure you’re probably annoyed with hearing that stuff but…it’s true, and- I…I guess thats what makes you you- is how humble you are…like- you know I’ve never heard a bad word about you?” I asked and she laughed, pulling away and looking at me.

“C’mon, y’re kidding” she rolled her eyes with a smile, “I’ve seen plenty of awful things about me” she said and I shook my head.

“N-no! No, Taylor, like- sure do people come after your looks, and your voice, because thats all they have to try and pick apart- shallow bullshit..even though you’re like- factually a model - and any person who’s studied a lick of music knows that you have an undeniably insane range and incredible vocal and breath control- this isn’t out of my ass Taylor, I-I was in theater because you inspired me...I was like ‘if this cool 16 year old can put out an album I can do a play’ and I did.. But-but this is about you. I’ve never heard a bad word about you- I’ve been in your fandom for gosh- a year after you started in 2006? All over.. Gee- twitter, facebook, myspace, the old swift app, everything, And i’ve never ever-ever seen someone online or in real life thats like ‘oh my gosh i met Taylor Swift and she is sooo mean’ - anything i’ve ever heard, about things that matter- you are a beautiful, humble, kind person.” I said and she pouted, pulling me into another hug.

“Are you trying to make me cry?” She asks with a giggle, holding me tight. Her PR manager, Tree, comes into the VIP tent. 

“Lets get a move on chicky poo - gotta be on the plane in an hour,” she told Taylor and she pulled away. 

“Duty calls” she sighs and I giggled.

“It was..enchanting to meet you Miss Swift” I said with a smile and she laughs, pulling me into another hug.

“I like you, you’re sweet, we’ll meet again sometime, ok? Trav is over there chattin’ up your boyfriend to get us into his restaurant for a night” she assured and I look up at her.

“What?! Oh my GOD! Thats…wow- we’d love to have you in Chicago.” I said and Carm comes up, grabbing my wrist.

“C’mon, we’ve been kicked” he joked and Travis laughs a bit.

“I’ll text you man, we’re gonna have a few spare days later this month i’ll try to give plenty of notice” Travis said, coming over and wrapping his arms around Taylors middle and kissing her head.

“Y’ready?” he asks her and she nods, sighing a bit.

“Exhausted” she told him and I squeeze her hand.

“Get some rest, y’deserve it. Kick ass show by the way- I’d go every night if I could- also, sorry I sound like…this- I wasn’t kidding when I said I love your music” I giggled a bit and she nods, smiling big.

“I love it - means you had a great time, ginger tea, and lots of local honey you’ll be good as new in a day or two if you just chug it consistently, its mostly water anyway” she said and I nod, finally letting her go. 

“Thank you again…See you soon” I said and we all said our goodbyes. As soon as we were out of eye and ear shot I laugh loudly, jumping up and down, dancing around. “CARMENNNN!!!” I squeaked, hugging him and jumping happily. 

“Bear- She likes me” I said excitedly, practically dragging him outside where Richie, Eva, and Sadie were sat at one of the smoke garden tables, Sadie jumps up, bounding over to me and I hug her. 

“Dude- everything tell me everything” She said, I broke down in to tears.

“Shes so sweet Sadie!! She- she said she liked my outfit!! A-and Carmy and Travis are gonna be BEST FRIENDS” I cried and she rubs my back. Carmen laughed, for once at my tears, but it was tears of pure joy, so neither of us felt bad at his amusement for my emotional reaction. “Dude-WAIT- of course she liked it - C’mon- what did she say, like- start to finish also- why is Carm gonna be his best friend?” and the entire walk back to the car, as well as the whole drive home, Carm and I gave the three of them a play by play of our entire 10 minute meeting with them.

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡♡ ⋙

[sawyerquinnbrown]

My neighbor upstairs runs an Airbnb out of his apartment, which has led to many interesting and exciting situations for me. Well, I say ‘exciting’, mostly I mean ‘inconvenient’ and sometimes ‘hilarious.’

Last month I discovered that, while I on the ground floor have a one-bedroom with a tiny office, my upstairs neighbor has 4 bedrooms on two floors that he rents by himself for about a billion US dollars, so it makes perfect sense that he would run an Airbnb, to recoup some of his costs. I imagine it takes a strength of character when you live in an Airbnb, because personally, I don’t want people in my house. That’s why I moved to my own place at 36; I’d had enough. My only roommates now are two very attractive and high-quality felines, who will be introduced in more detail in a later blog post.

Anyway, the Airbnb. The first thing I noticed once this started was that I was constantly jumping whenever someone was coming through the front gate and tromping up the stairs, which was frequent. This is due to my anticipation of my many online purchases. (I purchase many things online because 1) it’s fun to receive things in the mail and 2) I don’t like to leave my house—there’s weather out there, and also bugs.) So: many comings and goings and creakings of the gate.

The second thing I noticed occurred one day when I heard some rattling outside my door. That’s odd, I thought, I’m not expecting any guests. Actually, my thought process was more like Aaaaaa, someone’s trying to break into my apartment! (My upstairs neighbor had been robbed a couple months prior, so this was a totally rational and normal and not-overreactive thing to panic about.) I am Extremely Brave™ (No.), so I went to the door and opened it to discover a hapless traveler with a large rolling suitcase attempting to open the lockbox I hung outside my door. Much relieved, I informed the traveler that the lockbox he was looking for was upstairs.

(Sidenote about the lockbox: I hung it up shortly after moving in because of the time I locked myself out. I was trying this cool thing called “Carrying stuff in my pockets like a dude” due to extreme gender dysphoria, and I left my keys inside my apartment. My landlord was kind enough to charge me $25 to unlock my door, and I ordered the lockbox as soon as I got inside. $25! ::snarling noises::)

The third point of excitement occurred late one night when a knock came at my door around 11:30pm. At the door stood an older butch woman who had run into the same problem as I had: she’d locked her keys inside the apartment, in this case the Airbnb. Unable to get in contact with my neighbor, she was trapped outside. I volunteered to text him and in exchange she offered me a beer. I feel guilty about not offering to let her kip on my air mattress, but, as previously stated, I don’t like to have people in my house.

Finally we come to the real issue of neighboring an Airbnb: too-generous guests. This sounds counterintuitive, so let me explain. As I mentioned, I like to receive packages in the mail so I can open presents I ordered for myself. However, due to Chicago being weird (in my experience as a former Bostonian), my ground floor apartment being a “1” and the upstairs apartment being a “2” is apparently unusual. Typically, I’ve been told, “1” is upstairs. So despite the very clear and large numeral “2” on my neighbor’s mailbox, everyone likes to deliver my stuff up the stairs. The too-nice Airbnb-ers see these packages and say to themselves, Aha! A package for my host! and without checking the name on the package, helpfully carry them inside and lock the door. I am left bereft, knowing my package has arrived but unable to access, for instance, a box of lightbulbs (listen, I know. Adults get excited about the weirdest things).

If you liked this post, please check out my Wordpress blog or buy me a Ko-fi!

[beaniebeensbaby201]

MIDNIGHT SKY// JAY KELSO

A/n: This is also on my Wattpad along with my other imagines that are on here.

SUMMARY: Cassidy Whittmore was just your average teenager. she was a girl who craved adventures and someone who would tend to get into some trouble with her friends and her boyfriend.

this summer, they invited a new friend to the group, trying to get her out of her comfort zone to prove that she didn't have to be a goody goody.

12:00pm

Pt place Wisconsin

Gwen Hyde Bedroom

I WAS with Gwen as we were hanging out at her house. Gwen Hyde has been my best friend since we were kids. My parents were friends as teens. They all grew up next door at the foreman's house. 

   "This is going to be the best summer ever." I announced, and I laid on her bed. 

   Gwen tosses herself on her bed as she lays next to me. Our shoulders touched as I tossed a hacky sack in the air. 

   "I'm surprised your parents aren't going on vacation this year. Are you still staying over this summer?" Gwen asks. 

    "Every summer for the past five years, I have lived here. Do you really think I'm going to stop traditions?" Gwen giggles as she leans her head on top of mine. 

   "Why don't you just live with us? I mean, you're basically here all the time." I snorted, getting up as I continued to toss the hacky sack.  

  "If both parents agree, then I'll consider moving in." Gwen squeals getting up as she starts jumping around to the music in the background. 

    I caught sight of a blonde girl who quickly ducked. 

   I opened the window with a grin. 

   "Hello, what are you doing here, creeper?" I teased, as the girl that looked around the same age as us came into the room. 

   "Oh, nothing weird." I smirked and crossed my arms. 

    "I was just standing outside your window. Watching you sing and wondering what it'd be like to be you two." I laughed as Gwen and I looked at the nervous blonde. 

    "I'll go now." You could feel the anxiety rubbing off on her. 

    "Unless you want to hear a cool Bootleg, I got in Chicago." The blonde spoke, not knowing what her name was yet. 

    "Oh, I'm listening." Gwen spoke. 

   "Yea, it's pretty super major. Big-time bootleg. The booties of legs." I stopped the girl from embarrassing herself even more. 

   "Just go get it." I laughed quietly. 

   "On it." I turned to Gwen, who just shrugged in response. 

   "So, how are you and Jay?" She wiggles her eyebrows at me as we wait for the girl to return. 

   "Two years strong." I sighed dreamily as I laid back on the edge of her bed. 

    "The longest a Kelso has lasted in a relationship." I point out. 

  "It's a new record." I leaned on my forearms as I looked at the light skinned girl. 

    

   The girl came back, and soon we learned her name was Leia. 

   "So, this is your mom's old room, and your dad lived next door?" I tossed the hacky sack in my hands again as I was cross-legged on Gwen's bed. 

   "I bet they boned in here all the time." I joined in the conversation. 

   "Explains a lot." I grinned when I saw the expression on the blonde's face. 

   "Sometimes, late at night, when everything's quiet, we could hear the-." I paused, making creaking sounds to imitate the noise of the bed. 

   The girl cringed, looking uncomfortable. 

    "Sorry about her, Cassie loves to make people uncomfortable." I shrugged as I nudged my shoulders with Leia. 

  "You're really good at it." I smiled as I bowed to the girls. 

   "Anyways. Tell us about Chicago. What are you into?" I asked, wanting to know more about the girl that came through the window. 

   "Me? Uh, a lot of stuff." I rolled my eyes, knowing that she was trying to play it cool. 

   "School." I nodded my head, wanting her to continue as I made motions with my hands. 

   "Schools a big one." Gwen spoke. 

   "And I'm a pretty big deal in the debate club." I giggled, covering my mouth with my hand. 

   "Yea, I'm not very popular." I wrap an arm around Leia's shoulders as I rub her arm. 

  "Good. Popular people suck." I nod in agreement with Gwen. 

   "Ooo, this parts dope." I spoke up, as I ran towards the radio and turned up the music. 

   "Damn it, Gwen! Cass! Turn that shit down." I looked behind me to see Gwen standing closer towards the radio. 

   A shirtless Nate comes barging into the room. 

   "Turn that crap down. I'm trying to shave!" He whines. 

   He leaves the room after we turn the volume back up to annoy him again. 

   "Older brother. Different dads. He's cool." Gwen's response was short. 

    "And I'm their cousin. We'll be half cousins, but still family." I wrapped my arm around Gwen as she wrapped hers around my waist. 

  She was a bit taller than me, only by a few inches. Nobody ever believed us when we told people they were cousins due to the fact that she had darker skin than me, and I was fair with ginger hair. 

    "Well, he's only mostly cool because he has a van. And he's fun to mess with." I honestly say. 

   "This Whiny, vagina music is bumming me out!" Nate came back into the room again to complain about our music. 

  "Oh yea, Nate?" I taunt. 

    "Me and our new friend are gonna call our new band the whiny vagina." I make a rainbow with my hands and do jazz hands to exaggerate. 

   "Damn it, Cassidy!" I laughed along with the other girls as I turned the volume even louder. 

  This was only just the beginning of summer, and I already know this summer is going to be EPIC.

[eiirisworkshop]

Snacks and Midnight Blues

An Old Guard oneshot Also available to read on Ao3 here.

~

Nile opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling. She had been laying here, not sleeping, for she honestly wasn't sure how long. They were in a safehouse in Europe; she wasn't clear on quite where in Europe—she'd asked on the way and Andy had answered, but Booker had shook his head and said no, not anymore. That was followed by about an hour of mostly Booker and Nicky discussing? Arguing over? Reminiscing about? A few centuries worth of warfare, political marriages, and border disputes, with occasional interjections and corrections from the others. By the time they got to the house, no one had actually gotten around to saying for sure where they were now, and Nile had forgotten to ask again. Wherever it was, the grocer in town—the only local any of them talked to all day—had spoken what Nile was mostly sure was German.

In the dark, the house was quiet. She could hear the even breathing of the rest of the Old Guard, the distant sounds of nocturnal wildlife, her own heartbeat. It had been a long day. Frankly, every day had been long since she died, the first time. She'd died a few times since then, and would die uncountable times more over the eternity that now stretched in front of her.

That's what kept her up now. The thought of dying over and over—and, maybe even worse, the thought of living.

She let out a breath, kicked off the quilt, got up, and padded out to the patio, barefoot on the smooth stone of the pavers. She dropped into a chair, inhaled the cool night air, fiddled with her necklace, and looked up at the sky—fewer stars than in the desert, but more than she grew up with in Chicago.

Just a couple moments after she'd come outside, deliberate footsteps and the faint metal-on-metal of the door latch grabbed her attention and she looked around to see Nicky leaning around the door, his hair scrunched on one side from sleep.

“Did I wake you up?” she asked softly.

He shrugged. “Apparently.”

“I'm sorry.”

He waved one hand dismissively and stepped the rest of the way outside. “You alright?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I'm,” she laughed once, “just having an existential crisis.”

“That's reasonable.” He smiled a little, a gentle, understanding, but almost teasing kind of grin. He crossed his arms and leaned back against the doorframe. “Wanna talk about it?”

With a sigh she shook her head. “I don't know. I—don't think I know how to. Yet.”

“Well, you have time to figure it out.”

“Yeah, that's part of the problem.”

He nodded.

They fell quiet. She looked down at her lap, fist closed around her cross at the hollow of her throat where there should have been a scar. He pushed off from the doorframe. “You want something to eat?”

She glanced up at him. “Are you...offering to cook?”

“Yeah.”

“What time is it?”

Smirking, he gestured at the sky. “Night.”

She leveled a “thanks, Captain Obvious” look at him.

He chuckled and shrugged. “I have no idea but there's a clock in the kitchen.”

“Okay.” She got up. He opened the door, bowed her through in front of him, clapped her shoulder as she passed.

In the kitchen, Nile reached for the light switch—it wasn't even on long enough for the florescent fixture in the ceiling to completely blink to life before Nicky smacked it back off, eyes shut against the moment of brightness. He reopened his eyes slowly, went to rummage through the end cabinet, set a bunch of candles out on the table, lit one with a match then used it to light the others.

“If you weren't very married, I might think this was romantic,” Nile noted, voice low to not disturb the others still asleep.

“I really hate florescent lights,” he admitted. “Especially at night. They're so harsh.”

“Yeah, yeah, they are,” Nile agreed. “So, what?” she asked. “Am I about to be introduced to proper Italian comfort food?”

“No.” He leaned on the table. “That would take about six hours, and can only be done correctly by a grandmother, which I am not.”

“You don't get honorary grandma status after a couple centuries?”

“Depends who you ask—but no.” He rocked his weight back, opened the fridge and squinted into it against the glare of the internal lightbulb. At least it was incandescent. “As for what I am making, that depends on what Andy bought earlier.”

“You were there.”

“I was busy.”

“You were standing around having your hair played with.”

“Like I said, I was busy.” He flashed her a playful grin over his shoulder and she couldn't help but laugh a little. He pulled out a block of cheese, nudged the fridge closed with his elbow, set the cheese on the counter along with a downright cute hen-shaped bowl of eggs, reluctantly switched on the—again, incandescent—light over the stove, went through the cabinets, and pulled out a skillet, a sack of potatoes, and a bottle of olive oil. “I'm assuming you like potatoes.”

“I have never met anyone who doesn't like potatoes, and I used to know a girl who was allergic to them.”

“She was allergic to them,” he asked as he started rinsing potatoes, “but she still ate them? You're allowed to sit, you know.”

Nile pulled out a chair and sat in it backwards, nodding as she did. “She's allergic to most food, so it's pretty much impossible for her to avoid all her allergens entirely. She'd pop a Benadryl and dig into a bag of chips. We—” she grinned, then her expression sobered and darkened. “We used to joke that she feared neither God, nor death, nor Lays. And that feels really different in hindsight now.”

“That's how hindsight works. You live through something and experience it a certain way in the moment, then later looking back with knowledge and perspective you didn't have at the time, your perception changes.” He shrugged. “The...nature of our situation means that we are blessed and cursed with a unique perspective on things like death.”

She nodded thoughtfully, watched him set the skillet on the stove, pour some oil, click the heat on, twirl a knife from the knife block between his fingers, and start slicing potatoes into it. “Have you ever lost a finger doing that?”

“Lost one, no,” he chuckled, “but I have cut myself very badly a few times. And not so badly many more. Not often.” He paused. “But I cook often. When you do something frequently enough for long enough, two things happen—you get better at it, so the likelihood of you fucking it up any given time you do it goes down, but you rack up more and more chances to fuck up, so the amount you fuck up overall still goes up over time.”

“And I figure it's only humanly possible to get so good at things, even with ridiculous amounts of time to practice.”

Nicky made a non-committal sort of sound through his nose. “Enough time starts messing with what 'humanly possible' even means.”

“Fair point.” Nile crossed her arms on the back of the chair and leaned her cheek on them. She watched him finish cutting the potatoes then go through a couple drawers until he found an appropriate utensil to stir with. A passing thought made her frown and she lifted her head to rest her chin on her arms instead. “You—you wouldn't have grown up with potatoes, would you? Or did you? I know the factoid about tomatoes being a pretty recent addition to Italian food because they're from the Americas, but I don't think I've ever thought about the history of potatoes until right now.”

He snorted and reached for the eggs. “I was several hundred years old before I ever ate a potato but now, well,” he started cracking eggs on the side of the skillet, “if by some cruel twist of fate I somehow developed an allergy like your old friend, I, too, would take a pill and just keep eating them. Potatoes are great. I would die for potatoes. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I have.”

She blinked at him. “You know what, I'm not going ask. Hang on—allergies. Do we do allergies?”

“Good question.” He tossed the last of the eggshells into the garbage from clear across the kitchen and Nile applauded softly. He gave a cheeky little bow and went back to cooking, intermittently tending the contents of the pan while he busied himself with the cheese. “Not sure. The idea of allergies is quite new, so none of us would have known if used to have them. Booker used to be prone to summer colds, now he's not. Maybe that was allergies he stopped having, or maybe it was colds. None of us get sick like we used to. Then again, I up and stopped breathing in the middle of dinner one time. After I came back, Joe tried my food to see if it was poised, he was fine. I tried some more, didn't die again. Maybe there was one piece that was poison. I don't know.”

“Was it—what's that puffer fish called? Fugu?”

He shook his head. “Some kind of noodles I think.”

“I really don't like the idea the idea suddenly, randomly not being able to breathe.”

“Wasn't fun, but not as bad as a lot of ways I've gone, and it's only happened once.”

“So far.”

“So far,” Nicky amended. “Don't think it's ever happened to Andy, though, so it's probably not a just a matter of time sort of thing.”

“Yeah.” Nile drummed her fingers on the chairback. “That's part of what's freaking me out. The idea that anything that's only a matter of time, I'm gonna go through. Some things, I'm okay with that, 'cause they're gonna be cool, but other things….” She gestured vaguely and got up to pace a few steps to find the words. She leaned against the fridge. “Like—I don't know. I don't know what I mean.”

“I do.” He clicked off the stove, wrapped his hand in the bottom of his shirt, and quickly moved the skillet to a trivet on the counter. “The dread of eventualities, and of watching dominoes fall, knowing there's nothing you can do to stop them at that scale—or, worse, wondering if you could have stopped them if only you'd done it sooner. Get a plate.”

She guessed at which cabinet held plates, guessed right, and got two. “How do you live with that?”

“Not much choice.” He took the plates from her. “Try not to fixate on that 'if I'd done something sooner.' If you could have and knew to, you would have. If you didn't, then you didn't, and that's just how things are.”

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

“Exactly.” He used the same spoon he'd been cooking with to serve, flicked the stove light off, found forks, and he and Nile settled with their food across the table from each other. “Wait.” He got up again, got two wine glasses down, and went hunting through cabinets that did not contain tableware.

Nile stifled an incredulous laugh. “Are you looking for wine to go with our—” she twisted to actually look at the clock “—three am fancy scrambled eggs?”

“Yes. Aha!” He'd stretched to open the smaller set of doors set up above the fridge and found a stash of bottles. “I knew there had to be some somewhere—Booker stayed here a while not that long ago.”

“When, the eighties?”

“Uh, probably.”

She rolled her eyes. “At least wine keeps.”

“Doesn't just keep, it gets better.” He snagged a bottle. “Unless it turns to vinegar.”

“Right, right.” She leaned on her elbows. “So, what's the best wine pairing for three am fancy scrambled eggs?”

“Strongest one you can find. Or, in this case, easiest one to reach.” He winked and she snorted a laugh into her hand. After another brief hunt through the kitchen for a corkscrew, he poured them each a glass of wine, handed Nile's to her over the candles, and resumed his seat.

Just before taking a bite, she stopped. “Do you wanna say grace?”

Already chewing, he held up his fork in a shrug, looking thoroughly unimpressed with the question.

“I'll take that as a 'no.'”

“I stopped particularly caring a long time ago. You're welcome to, though.”

“Nah, I—actually….” She clapped her hands together, grinning, and in one breath quickly rattled off, “God is great, God is good, let us thank him for our food, amen.”

Now Nicky laughed. “That was efficient.”

Nile nodded, laughing too as she started eating. “That—mm, this is really good—that was painted on the wall of the Sunday school classroom at the church I went to growing up, right next to a mural of Noah's arc and the rainbow and a couple gay lions. I actually left out the last line or two….”

“There were gay lions?”

“Whoever painted it gave both the lions manes! They were both boys!”

He shook his head, chuckling into his wine. “Ecelénte.”

“It got repainted when I was in high school.” She smiled wistfully between bites. “Replaced it with a bunch of different colored sheep, which was cute, but a lot less cool.”

Bleary and dragging his feet, Joe appeared in the kitchen doorway. “Good morning.”

Nicky smiled warmly and returned the greeting through a bite of potato, but Nile clapped a hand over her mouth. “Did we wake you up?”

Joe shook his head and came to drape himself across Nicky's shoulders. “Went looking for my love, found the edge of the bed first—then I heard laughter.”

Nicky murmured something Nile couldn't understand and kissed Joe on the jaw—Joe responded in kind, then stole a bit of Nicky's food.

Nile reached for her wine. “On the one hand, I really oughta learn Italian, on the other hand I'm pretty sure if I could actually understand what you say to each other on a regular basis I would get diabetes from the incessant sweetness.”

“Learning Italian won't do that,” Nicky said between bites.

“French is more useful,” Joe noted, then gladly let Nicky feed him some egg.

Nile pouted. “I don't want to learn French, it has too many vowels, and Booker can fight me.”

“He absolutely will,” Nicky said. Joe handed him his wine and he continued, shaking his head for emphasis. “But I don't speak what you call Italian. Italian isn't even a language. What you call 'Italian' is Florentine. I,” he put a hand to his chest, or he would have if Joe's arm wasn't in the way, “am and speak Genoese. It is not the same language. Most of the peninsula still speaks different languages from each other. The idea of 'learning Italian' is nonsense.” He took a long sip of wine while Joe smirked into his hair.

Nile gestured contemplatively with a slice of potato on the end of her fork. “I have seen a map of Italy divided up by regional terms for vagina.”

“I want that map,” Nicky said decisively.

“I want it framed,” Joe said, chuckling.

Nicky shook his head again, stabbed at his last bit of food with his fork, offered it to Joe who took half of it, then ate the rest himself. “I swear, every time a country unifies on paper, everyone forgets almost over night what was there before, no matter how long it was there, and no matter how much in practical terms things haven't changed.”

“To be fair,” Nile shrugged, glass in hand, “Italy's been around a long time.”

Both men looked at her flatly and said, as one, “Italy is a newer country than the United States.”

Nile almost spat her wine. “You're shitting me.”

“No.” Joe took Nicky's empty plate and fork and put them in the sink while he nursed the tail end of his drink. “You just think it's older because it preserved the history it was built on, while your country has tried very hard for its entire existence to erase the history it was built on—and a fair bit of its own history, too.”

Nile cringed. “Oof, yeah, good point.” She finished up her food, threw back the last of her wine, and put her own dishes in the sink. “Thank you, Nicky, for cooking.”

“Happy to.” He stood, stretched, set his glass to be washed, and leaned against Joe.

“Time for you to come back to bed.” He rubbed Nicky's arm then looked over at Nile. “What are you even doing up?”

“I couldn't sleep,” she admitted with a downward glance. “Went out for some air. He came to check on me.”

Joe frowned a little. “Are you alright?”

She nodded. “Yeah.” Nicky took her hand, gave it a gentle squeeze, she looked up at him and nodded more firmly. “Yeah, I'm okay. Just,” she squeezed his hand back, “needed a snack and a more ancient perspective, I guess.”

“Ancient?” Nicky echoed, sounding slightly affronted. “I don't think I'm ancient.”

“Andy's ancient,” Joe countered.

“She's going on prehistoric, but you are, like, a thousand years old.” She dropped his hand.

“How old is 'ancient' then?” Joe asked.

“It's consistently been 'before the middle ages' the last several times I've checked, and we,” Nicky gestured between himself and Joe, “are solidly medieval.”

“Okay, okay,” Nile laughed. “You're well past antique, though.”

“We're relics,” Joe said reasonably. “And you are an infant who should really get some sleep.”

“I should,” she sighed.

Nicky moved away from Joe just enough to blow out the candles on the table. Smoke curled barely visible in the faint moonlight coming through the window above the sink and the three of them headed back to bed, Nicky hand in hand with Joe on one side, arm comfortably around Nile's shoulders on the other until she turned to her own bed.

In the dark, the house was quiet. Nile could hear the faint rustle of fabric as Joe and Nicky settled, Andy's even breathing as she slept, Booker's soft intermittent snores, the distant sounds of nocturnal wildlife, her own heartbeat as she drifted off.

[drdemonprince]

I love the name Devon! Howd you choose it

Before my name change, my middle name was Dawn. In my Midwestern accent, that name is indistinguishable from Don, and I got a real thrill out of people being surprised that I had a "man's name" for my middle name throughout my childhood. That probably led me to gravitate toward names that started with the letter D.

I was also besotted by a female cellist in my high school orchestra with the name of Devon; she was quiet and self-serious and incredibly talented in an unshowy way, and I just thought it was so damn cool that she had an androgynous, male-leaning name. I'd always found it so cool when girls had names like Ryan or Max as well.

Later, in college, I'd become close friends with a sarcastic, witty environmental studies major named Devon; we talked a lot about Sufjan Stevens music and got drunk together before a falling out between my boyfriend and his roommate kinda drove us apart. As an adult another Devin, this time with an "I" instead of an "o" became my friend through the Chicago Live Lit scene. He's a gay ex-evangelical and comic book nerd with a sweet disposition, encyclopedic knowledge of graphic novels, and a winningly boisterous laugh. So the name had only positive associations.

Around the time my transgender egg was getting cracked, I was on the tabletop role playing podcast @wheelandway. My character in the first season was a hillbilly wizard named Dale. I tried that name on for size because I liked the letter D, and I thought it suited my Appalachian background. Eventually I decided it didn't quite fit, it didn't have enough of an edge for me, but I was headed in the right direction.

I considered other, loosely similar names like Damon (yeah like Albarn, sorry), but Devon seemed the most appealing to me. It was English and kind of classy sounding to my American but British-and-Scottish-ancestried ear, and I liked that it meant "shield" and nicely matched my chosen last name, Price. I liked that it was androgynous but leaning masculine, with the majority of babies named Devon today still being male -- usually once a name becomes androgynous, it breaks in a more female direction, in terms of enduring naming trends. Devon is one of the few names to remain solidly neutral and something people will still willingly name their boy babies as well as girls.

All in all, it felt right, seemed like a name that both suited me and on that was appropriate for me to claim, it looked and sounded good with my last name, and it only evoked positive memories of other people for me. I'm so fortunate that I didn't google the name Devon Price before choosing it, because if I had, I wouldn't have become close friends with another social psychologist nearly my exact same age who has the same name and occupation as me.

I've had many names in the past and I don't view any of them as dead names or anything I feel any need to conceal from people. Part of me does experience regret over trying to distance myself from my dad and my hillbilly family by getting rid of their surname in favor of Price. At the time that I made that choice, when I was eighteen, some of it was motivated by a desire for respectability and a shame over my family's class background and how I might be perceived within academia. My current public-facing name is very friendly to being an academic and a noted public thinker, and I think it's kinda wack that I've profitted off of that. Sometimes I think if I ever attain enough notoriety that it becomes a real problem I'll switch back to my old last name to disappear into obscurity and reclaim the sides of myself that I used to run from, and the family that has largely died out.

[sassyasses]

I’be had this Hades/Ward idea in my head for the last few months, now is a good time to post it i think

Concept: Hades x Ward crossover, but it's about Taylor trying to escape being dead, with various capes taking the role of Hades characters and either helping or hindering her escape. 

Incedental spoilers for Hades throughout all the way up to the ending

Premise:

Taylor (taking the role of Zag) died during the ending of Worm and has been living in a shard space simulation ever since. Some time after the end of Ward Tattletale (taking the role of Nyx) asked Victoria (taking the role of Athena) to resurrect her, but for some reason QA (taking the role of Hades) is preventing the relatively tried and true method of Cape resurrection from working so Taylor has to fight her way out of the Firmament with QA throwing up enemies to stop her.

Equipment:

When Taylor is preparing to get out Imp (taking the role of Skelly) appears and says she managed to sneak Taylor some weapons she can use, though due to Reasons she can only use one. These are:

Knife, with aspects of Taylor, Armsmaster, Jack Slash, and (Hidden) Blake

Baton, with aspects of Taylor, Regent, Sveta And (Hidden) Avery 

Gun, with aspects of Taylor, Chevalier, Antares, and (Hidden) Lucy

The Gods and Boons:

When Taylor first escapes the shard simulation QA is running, she finds a golden star and picking it up reveals Victoria in full Antares outfit. She explains that QA is blocking them from just resurrecting her and the best they can do is help her on her way, Kenzie (Hermies) made a Box that lets their shards give Taylor a boon.

Antares takes the role of Athena and gives mostly defensive buffs.

Bitch takes the role of Ares and gives Taylor the ability to set her dogs on enemies (i.e Doom)

Foil takes the role of Artemis and gives boost to accuracy and the ability to hit enemies juuust right

Kenzie takes the role of Hermies and gives utility powers in the form of Cameras, its tinkertech don't worry about it.

Dragon is taking the role of Demeter and is providing Taylor with Glace inspired tinkertech, and laser beams.

Vista taking the role of Posidon, is trying way to hard to be cool, and gives the ability to knock foes back.

Crystal is taking the role of Zeus and giving Taylor loads of laserbeams

Rain was helping Kenzie out with the tinkertech, so decided to help Taylor out while he was there. He is apologetic that his help is in the form of a really weak debuff on enemies, and hopes the secondary effect makes up for it. (The "secondary" effect is massive damage. He does not realise this is a lot more helpful) That's right, Rain is Aphrodite.

Hero is being used by QA to expand the Firmament, but he occasionally leaves behind his tools for Taylor to pick up (taking the role of Daedalus)

Chris can also offer his help in the form of experiments he is running on shardspace. (Chaos)

Sometimes two shards make Taylor pick one of the boons and get angry when she picks. The capes are very apologetic and can't really prevent their powers from throwing a fit, but can make sure they give her a benefit if she wins the ensuing fight.

Taylor can also meet a silent-save-for-grovelling Butcher, who is doing what they did in life, selling weapons. (Charon)

Stages:

The first stage would be a hellish Shard imagining if Brocton Bay (Tartarus, not that different form BB in canon tbh) with E88, AZB, Coil Mercs etc being the various wretches she fights, with shades of villains she has fought (and are dead) being minibosses. The final boss is Regent, who flirts a lot with Taylor before they fight (and implies they had a short thing going during the pre escape simulation), eventually he is replaced by Kaiser who hates that she is getting out and not him and Oni Lee, who doesn't say much. (Megaera, Alecto, and Tisiphone respectfully)

Second is Chicago, this time the enemies are various PRT or Police officers and minibosses are heroes she has fought (and are dead). Final boss is a skeletal Behemoth, she eventually calls him "Barry".

Third stage is Killington, facing the S9000 through a ruing and trap filled town. Final boss(es) are Jack Slash and Crawler. Jack Slash is loving being dead and blames Taylor for getting Grey Boy'd and isn't gonna let her out, but without Broadcast cheating he is a lot dumber (Theseus), Crawler is just there for a good time and doesn't hold his death against her, but isn't gonna let her past without a fight because of course he isn't (Asterius)

In the Fourth stage the exist is guarded by Bastard who Taylor must appease (she could fight him but she isn't a monster) by finding a Goblin Sack. The stage itself based on earth during Gold Morning, and the enemies are Nilbog Goblins.

Finally, after Taylor escapes into the real world she finds herself in a very familiar forest. Standing before her barring her path is a Queen Administrator. Taking the form of Khepri. If/When Taylor beat QA she only gets a few steps out, has a short conversation with Contessa (who resurrected herself and is now retired with a small garden) before getting dragged back into the firmament. Eventually Taylor learns from Contessa, QA, and Lisa that QA is trying to recreate the shard network and restart the cycle. That's right, the world is ending for a 3rd time.

[series-thoughts]

On the subject of team delusion:

Season 3 is probably gonna pick up a year later again, except the past year for the chucky survivors is very different in my mind compared to whatever Don Mancini is coming up with.

In my mind, picking up things a year later means the kids are all living with Andy at the cabin (in Chicago? I think that's where the cabin was) Where Nica also lives when she's not hunting down Tiffany.

The kids (Junior and Nadine are alive and the twins still have their human bodies) are happy at a new school where they could have a fresh start. The twins are getting ready to go to a nearby college, and Nadine moved back with her dad after the incarnate lord was shut down and now attends the same school as the other teens.

Kyle lives not far away in an apartment in the city and so do Mike and Karen with their apartment being a couple of blocks away from Kyle's and they all visit frequently.

As for Nica (who still has her limbs, shut up Don) not long after we last saw her at the end of season 2, she found a way to get Caroline away from Tiffany and bring her to the cabin where she now lives too and attends the local elementary school.

Nica still hunts down Tiffany and plans to get her revenge on her but also spends a decent amount of time living at the cabin, enjoying having a family after so long and it give her a safe space to plan her next moves. She's currently putting on a brave face for the twins before they move into their dorm, she knows that they are more than capable of taking care of themselves but she is going to miss them like hell.

Nadine is constantly visiting and staying over at the cabin since she's friends with all the kids and absolutely loves playing with Caroline. Andy gets along well with Nadine but is often pretty nervous for her just because of how innocent minded and optimistic she is even knowing everything about Chucky and Tiffany. Meanwhile, Nica completely adores her and loves listening to her enthusiastic updates about her life whenever they get a chance to talk (she tries to ignore the similarities between her and Alice).

At least once every week or so, everyone meets up for dinner and are happy to just have some regular domesticity in their lives.

Kyle is 100% the cool aunt who often tells Jake and Junior embarrassing stories about Andy in his teens that the cousins use to their advantage. Meanwhile, Devon loves talking to Mike and listening to his stories of when he was a cop whilst Lexy gets on surprisingly well with Karen with her treating her and the others in a polar opposite way to how her mother would treat her.

So yeah, that's how their year has gone in my mind. Clearly, I am more than a little delusional when it comes to the treatment of Chucky survivors in the series.

[justlittleguysims]

OC Introduction: Family Edition - Part: 1 of 5

Meet Derek's parent's and maternal grandparents.

From left to right: William and Michelle Moore, and Michelle's parents, Lidia Rossi-O'Hara and Séamus O'Hara. (Click for HQ)

Note: These are all newer character of mine that I’m still developing, but here’s what I’ve got for her so far.

William Moore (He/Him)

Age: 53 (Deceased) || Birthday: October 27th ♏ ||Traits: Gloomy, Loyal, Paranoid || Height: 5'10"ft || Sexuality: Heterosexual || Occupation: Factory Worker/ Dom & Co lackey || ethnicity/nationality: ???-Amercian

Born and raised in a small town in Wisconsin, William decided to take a risk and move to Chicago, alone and fresh out of high school. With only about half a summer's worth of fry cook wages to his name, William quickly took the first job that would have him, ending up on the assembly line of a rail-car manufacturer in Chicago Heights. After a few years of pure hustling, he eventually settles down with his girlfriend, Michelle, and starts a family. For the better part of almost two decades, his life was very peaceful and stable... almost too stable for his liking. To add a little spice to his stale routine, he started playing poker with friends after his Friday factory shifts, but those Friday nights quickly became every night once he discovered a poker group that played for keeps with big bills of a seedy bar on the other side of town.

Hooked to the thrill of the game, William began to make a bit of a name for himself in the underground poker scene, and for a while, he would always end his night in the green, but in 2001, when his manufacturing plant was bought out and automatized, the stress of being laid off made him lose his cool. Several bad nights and equally bad choices quickly landed him deep in the pockets of a loan shark, who ­—unlike him— wasn't a big fan of playing games with his money. Being just as much of a family man as he was a businessman, the loan shark cut William a deal he simply couldn’t refuse. Work for him as his bodyguard and driver and receive a generous living wage to support his family, all while a small percentage of each pay stub is garnished to go towards paying off his debt, with no interest.

If he played his cards right, he could have been debt free in less than ten years… unfortunately, after a couple of years, the stress that came with hiding his mistakes, while also trying to clean them up proved to be too much for William's heart to handle. Now with the threat of William’s financial troubles coming to the surface, the loan shark had one hell of a mess to clean up for himself, but there are rules, to these sorts of things. When a person passes away, all their outstanding debts will usually be paid off using the assets of the deceased’s estate, but if auditors were to get involved in this case, who knows what would happen? The shark needed to fix this for himself, he needed to make this problem go away, FAST… and that means making another deal with Willam’s next of kin.

Michelle Moore (She/Her)

Age: 56 || Birthday: March 16th ♓ || Traits: Outgoing, Foodie, Family-Oriented || Height: 5'5"ft || Sexuality: Heterosexual || Occupation: Geriatric Center Receptionist || ethnicity/nationality: Irish/Italian-Amercian

Michelle has been a receptionist at her local geriatric center for over 20 years now, but in all her time working behind the front desk, she has never felt this burned out before. Between the mounting stress of a world with no financial possibility for her to retire in sight, her moving back in with her elderly parents after her husband’s sudden passing three years ago, followed by becoming an “essential worker” practically overnight during a global pandemic, Michelle has been in desperate need of a vacation for a long time. She misses her son, Derek and his daughter, and is sick of only seeing them on a tiny screen a few times a week during her lunch break or while doing housework for her parents. Now with the COVID restrictions easing up, she has been itching to make the 8-hour drive over to visit Derek, but he keeps insisting that she should stay with granddad and Nonna and not risk the exposure for their sake.

For now, Michelle is doing her best to try and relax at home in her very rare down time alone. She’s taken up meditation to try and ease her mind and has recently taught herself how to retouch photos after buying a nice scanner printer over lockdown, completely digitizing her and her parents’ photo albums. She would be lying if she were to say that she didn’t want more wedding and baby pictures in her album, though, preferably from her only child… BUT NO PRESSURE. Yup, absolutely none.         

Lidia Rossi-O'Hara (She/Her)

Age: 81 || Birthday: September 27th ♎ || Traits: Foodie, Outgoing, Ambitious || Height: 5'6"ft || Sexuality: Heterosexual || Occupation: Journalist/Activist || ethnicity/nationality: Italian

After being displaced by the Battle of Punta Stilo during the Second World War, The Rossi family took their three sons and their new infant daughter, Lidia, across the Atlantic and into the US, eventually settling in a close-knit Italian neighborhood in Chicago. Living in a single bedroom apartment with two other Calabrian immigrant families for several years, Lidia grew up fully immersed in her culture, learning to speaking English in school, but returning home to a household speaking nothing but Italian. At 12, Lidia was absolutely fascinated by the stories all her neighbors would share while preparing their weekly Sunday supper together. They often talked about their home villages, their family history, or the news coming out about back home. Wanting to understand more about where she came from, as well as the rest of the world around her, she started to spend a lot of her free time at her local public library, where she would read every world history book, she could get her hands on. As she continued to feed her love for history and started keeping up with current events herself by taking full advantage of her the free newspapers her library provided for students, she developed in interest in becoming a journalist.

In college, she joined her campus newspaper and formed a habit of carrying around a tape recorder and a notebook, which she used to take notes and record interviews of her fellow student’s perspectives on the issues of the day. Throughout her academic career, from her bachelors to earning her masters, she documented the goings on of her of local group of civil rights activists, helping members print education materials and spread the word of upcoming demonstrations, boycotts, and sit-ins. It was through her activism that she started to form lifelong connections with members of her community, it was even how she found Séamus, and anarchist and fellow activist who would eventually become her husband. With a hefty writing portfolio, and a surprise baby girl by the time she graduated, Linda not only became the first graduate in her family, but also the first working mother, managing to balance being a parent and head writer at a small independent newspaper for over 40 years, retiring at the age of 75. These days, Lidia has been enjoying her time with her husband and daughter, using her time cooped up in the house during the pandemic to finally work on her dream project, a memoir of her time as a civil rights activist.   

Séamus O'Hara (He/Him)

Age: 80 || Birthday: November 30th ♐ || Traits: Family-Oriented, Ambitious, Cheerful || Height: 5'6"ft || Sexuality: Bisexual || Occupation: Carpenter/Activist || ethnicity/nationality: Irish

Born and raised in Galway, Ireland, Séamus was always a rebellious kid, notorious in his village for his rowdy, and often bothersome antics. He was a well-known “sheepnapper,” freeing entire flocks of sheep into the hills, without so much as a second thought, and very little remorse. He was also a serial pickpocket, who would wrangle all of his neighbors’ dogs together, luring them to the local butchery shop just to spoil them with whatever meat scraps he could buy with the change he pocketed for the pure sport of it. Needless to say, few folks in town tolerated having him around, so when Séa had the bright idea to pick up and leave for America alone at the age of 19, nobody — not even his own parents— protested. Hitching a ride on an imports cargo ship that he may or may not have been a stowaway on, he was able to make his way to New York City, taking odd jobs here and there as he searched for a more permanent place to stay, not really liking the hustle and bustle of the big apple. For a couple of years, he hitchhiked his way around the east coast, slowly making his way further west every few months or so, all while collecting newspapers to keep up with the growing civil unrest happening across the country. Absolutely appalled by the police brutality and racism that filled the papers and airwaves each day ­­—and also liking the sound of this whole “civil disobedience” idea— Séamus made a beeline to Chicago, the nearest city to him at the time, so he could join the protests. Once there, he simply never left, feeling as though he had finally found a place where people appreciated his lifelong stance against authority.

Being homeless at this point, Séamus quickly made friends among his fellow activists who would always graciously let him crash on their couches. One such person was a journalism student named Lidia, who he thought was absolutely brilliant. Sure, he never made it past his 8th year of grade school, but he knew there was something special about her and the knowledge she helped teach to layfolk like him. It was through her that he really began to push himself to become more serious and informed in his activism, filling his head with countless theory and law books, desperately wanting to be more useful to the cause. As the years went on, Séamus and Lidia’s relationship sort of just happened pretty organically. He never really tried to pursue her, since he honestly thought she was far too good for him, but she also never asked him to leave her place, so again, he simply stayed. When he started waking up with neck pain after months on her couch, she kept jokingly inviting him to sleep in bed with her until that stopped being a joke. Within their first full year living together, their daughter Michelle was born, and with that, they began to joke about getting married so Séamus could stay in the country, until that too stopped being a joke. Between their community work and their little family, there has never been a dull moment in their “sham” marriage. To this day, Séamus will always credit Lidia for keeping him sharp, even in their old age, and there isn’t a day where he doesn’t thank her for being a friend and for letting his rowdy ass stay.    

If you’ve reached this point of the post, THANK YOU for reading and please feel free to drop an ask about either of these characters. I hope to have more character updates in the coming weeks for you all. Please follow and yell at me to get shit done! Okay, thanks, BYE! 💜✨

Further Reading: OC Intros Pt. 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 || Pizza Gang Pt. 1 | 2 | 3 || Family Intros Pt. 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

[sincerelyciarra]

A Non-Exhaustive Ranking of a few Major Train Systems, by an American who REALLY appreciates Convenient Public Transport

🚞🚂🚅🚝🚞🚂🚅🚝🚞🚂🚅🚝🚞🚂🚅

Amtrak (USA): One of the only public trains in the US and the first train I ever used. Comfortable seats and wifi throughout and all the seats have little tables on the back like planes have, which is nice. Unfortunately, the US transit system being what it is, it’s only really useful for traveling between large cities, not within a city itself. 6/10

The Subway (NYC): Yooooooo. Truly a Boss Bitch™ of public transportation. A little overwhelming at first due to the SHEER MAGNITUDE of the system but very easy to use, convenient, and affordable as all transfers are free. Points taken off for poor ADA accessibility at the majority of stations and because she’s definitely the grimiest. Also these trains should have wifi by now, Jesus. 8/10

The L (Chicago): The Subway’s baby sister who maybe got a little too into recreational drugs during college but she took a semester off and she’s doing much better now. I live in Chicago so I’m biased, but I LOVE the L. Definitely not as many stations as NYC or London (RIP to the West Side) but pretty much the only way to get around downtown unless you want to get an Uber or pay out the ass for street parking; (we don’t have taxis in Chicago.) She’s not perfect but I love her and I’m the one doing the rankings so… 7/10

The Underground (London): Why??? Is it so??? Fucking HOT on the Underground??? Like, the NYC subway is pretty cold because it’s underground, and you’d think that a train system literally called The Underground would be similar, but guess a-fucking-gain. Also the train cars are weirdly narrow? There’s pretty much no standing room except for directly in front of the doors which is bizarre to me, especially given how tube-reliant London is. Also the seats have armrests which is cool I guess? Gets points back for better accessibility compared to most others, INCREDIBLE efficiency, and for the delightful intercom announcements - Mind the Gap, y’all 8/10

Métro (Paris): The entire rail system in Paris is so needlessly convoluted, it makes every other system on this list look 5x better in comparison. I had to go to a counter and buy MULTIPLE PAPER TICKETS for all the transfers because tap to pay at the terminal didn’t work. And GOD HELP YOU if you get all these fiddly little paper tickets mixed up, because once you scan them, even if the machine doesn’t process it and gives you an error, that bitch is GONE. (Shout out to the many random Paris locals that helped me navigate their hell-system with two suitcases.) Also, the fewest seats per train of all of them, which is just extra insult to injury. I did eventually get to where I needed to be so I guess there’s that. I guess. 3/10

Eurostar (Europe): She is Expensive, but there are bathrooms, food, and wifi onboard. And I got a passport stamp! 8/10

[rimouskis]

Hey! So there is a slight chance I could end up In Pittsburgh next year. As a resident, do you like living there? What are some of its selling points? (Some context: I’ve lived in or near every single big city on the northeast coast, from DC to Boston, so I’m used to cities. I’ve heard great things about living in Pittsburgh, so I’m curious about your perspective!)

oh hey! very cool, potential welcome to you, and I heartily recommend the city.

but: if you've lived in every big city in the east, pittsburgh is going to.... uh, not be like that! at all, haha. if you're looking for city living, I don't think you're going to find that in its purest form here.

my context is that I've actually not traveled the east very much; I've only been to DC and NYC. Neither feels remotely like PGH. actually-big cities like NYC, Chicago... probably Boston, though I've never been... they're cities, you know? they feel like it. they've got concrete jungle energy.

pittsburgh very much does not. pittsburgh, frankly, doesn't feel like a city to me, even though it has all the amenities of a city—we've got theaters and concerts and summers here are a total blast. pittsburgh feels like an oversized town in a lot of ways.

part of that is the geography and what it's done to the city as it has developed. the neighborhoods here are often really broken up by the topography. the hills and forested parts of the city still feel a little wild. some neighborhoods feel like they shouldn't be habitable at all because of how steep they are, lol (the very existence of rialto street feels Wrong to me). panther hollow being smack dab in the city speaks to that: we have a fucking ravine in the middle of this place!! I've seen so much wildlife here that I just haven't in other "urban" areas.

the other, bigger part of pittsburgh not feeling like a big city is the populace. you have a LOT of lifers here. did you know pittsburgh has the oldest population of any metro area in the USA? people are born here and they die here, haha. I know some of the local young people really don't like it (like, imagine all the people from your high school went to your college and then stayed in the same city after they graduated), but I find it to be really novel.

one of my old coworkers was born on the south side slopes and then moved to mt. washington as an adult. she's just never left the city, and that means I can literally play seven-degrees-of-[her name] with her because if I mention, like, anyone with roots in the city, it feels like there's an 80% chance she's going to know them or one of their relatives 😅 that's so fun to me! you can carve out individual pockets everywhere, and don't get me wrong, I don't have that kind of connectivity, but it's something that's possible here that doesn't feel possible in other cities and it gives it a very particular.... flavor.

that's part of the unique culture around pittsburgh that I'm very fond of. it was (is) a really good city to be a young person in, because it's big enough where there's stuff to do, buuuuut it's small enough that you won't feel eaten alive like you might in NYC. and while there are sooo many locals who are still local, there's a decent amount of transplants like myself too, so it's not like you'll be an outsider or anything.

I've also found really good people here. I like pittsburghers. they're pretty salt-of-the-earth (.... coal-of-the-earth? too soon?) and the culture is, like, very palatable to my midwestern sensibilities. if you're an east coaster you might find people a little too chatty or personable, but I'm used to it haha.

as for the living experience, I think it's pretty fabulous. winters get a bit grim (it's so GRAY here and people drive like MANIACS) but fall is very nice and summers in pittsburgh are just unparalleled. perfect weather—not too hot but not cold—and so so much to do. there's a ton of culture that happens, we love street festivals and art markets and night markets and each neighborhood does their own little twist on stuff. it's my favorite time of year, and there's also plenty of nature nearby. falling water is close by and I love it, and ohiopyle state park has good hiking. the cost of living can't be beat, too. I pay less in rent than both my siblings who live in another state, and I have a bigger living space. I was able to live really comfortably here when I made very little money. it's a great amount of flexibility, and you're not too far away from bigger cities if you want; the drive to DC is like 4 hours.

and, finally: if you're a pens fan, well. this IS the place to be! getting easier access to games has been such a blast. it's a fun life to live.

I will also say there are downsides. I'm from a blue state and I was honestly not ready for how red/conservative this area gets when you leave the bounds of pittsburgh proper. like, it goes pretty red pretty fast. that makes me uncomfortable, honestly, but that's the cost of living here. there was also a report put out a few years back that showed white residents in the city had "average or above-average standards of livability", but for black men it was "less livable" and for black women it was even LESS livable. there's some pretty serious segregation in terms of neighborhoods and the city is, on the whole, incredibly white. it isn't a very diverse place, which is of course a huge negative, and the city hasn't done the best job in making itself more livable for its black population. I think that's worth mentioning, especially if you're a person of color. pennslyvania is... well, this part of pennsylvania is very much part of the rust belt, and that shows in charming ways (old infrastructure and buildings) and horrible ways (systemic racism).

in sum: pittsburgh has been really, really great for me. I've met some wonderful people here, I've learned how to be an adult here, and I've really built a comfortable life here. that's involved a fair bit of privilege, though, so when I say I love pittsburgh, I'm aware that comes with asterisks.

if you have more questions, please reach out! you're actually not the first person who's considering a move to pittsburgh, and I really enjoy being an ambassador to the city :)

[aimmyarrowshigh]

I know this is a super broad question, but; I'm in Chicago this weekend for MPCA/ACA and was wondering if you have any recommendations on what I could do in my freetime? Any smaller/niche museums or bookstores or whatever. Anything you think is interesting/nerdy. And food, of course! Food recommendations are always good :)

Oh man, I wish I had less touristy answers to give you, but I live just enough outside of the city that I mostly do touristy kinds of things when I go down there, and I've only been once since the 2020, so a lot of my answers aren't open anymore/didn't survive the pandemic.

BUT: I do have one that's not touristy! If you're into crafting or found objects at all, there's a secondhand crafts supply store called The WasteShed on Kimball Ave. that's very cool. My favorite thing there are the collections of donated old family photos and slides that people just sort of... give away, when someone in their family dies and they don't want to keep the personal effects(?????). I found an amazing pair of gorgeous family portraits from 1928 in Tokyo last time I was there. The family's names, ages, and the date are all written on the back in both Japanese and English. I'm glad those portraits didn't go into the landfill. But I'm a Small History person who loves things like ephemera. They also have tons of stuff for every type of art or craft imaginable!

Greektown also used to be super cool, but I don't know whether it still is. AFAIK the big tentpoles all didn't survive the pandemic, so don't quote me on that one.

I'm also always going to hype the fairy castle at the Museum of Science & Industry. It was created by and for Colleen Moore, the flapper and silent film star, and she used to tour the country with it to show at children's hospitals. It's fucking amazing. There's a 1" actual Guttenberg bible in there. There's a polar bear rug made of mink and mouse teeth. There's mother-of-pearl chairs made from her earrings from the set of a movie. There used to be running water on the Weeping Willow, but they had to turn off the water in the '90s because it was eating through the materials after 70 years. It's truly my favorite dollhouse, and I've seen the Nutshell Studies.

...I also love American Girl Place but that's literally just a me thing. I also sort of hate-love it, because they have Lost Their Way Severely.

I also am a big fan of the Field Museum -- I know, I know, museums evil, but it does genuinely seem like they're trying to course-correct and make amends -- and the Shedd Aquarium (same). You can touch a manta ray. You can see otters. You can smell penguins. I mean, you can also see them, but boy can you smell them. And Sue (the t-rex at the Field) is an unofficial Chicago mascot.

This is a good list of cool bookstores in the city, which I have to say I haven't explored as much as I should. I've been to a ton of cool bookstores in the Twin Cities, New York, and Staten Island, and some in the SF area and Seattle, but I haven't really explored the ones in Chicago too much because there used to be THE BEST children's/YA bookstore in my suburb and it was where I spent my entire life. This list looks like it has good options for many neighborhoods in the city, though, so wherever you're staying there should be something near-ish to you.

Which is kind of the other reason I haven't explored Chicago as much as other cities in which I've lived, despite living here the longest: public transit here FUCKING SUCKS and I hate city driving more than anything in the world. Maybe you'll have a better experience with the L than I ever do, though, so don't let me being terrible at the L put you off trying it out. I just am not good at it. I can do the subway! I can do trams and the Skyway! I can do street maps okay! I cannot do the L. Somehow every single time I try, I miss a stop and have to circle all the way around again.

Ooh, one other fun thing I did in like 2019 in the city was go ax-throwing, so if you want to try that, they have that right near the symphony building. That's surprisingly fun and not scary.

Food-wise, Chicago is full of good food. Pretty much everything I've ever eaten in the city was great, from the popcorn at Union Station (YOU MUST GET THE CHEDDAR AND CARAMEL MIX AT UNION STATION. IT IS THE BEST POPCORN.) to the $600+ per plate price fixe at Alinea (the only good thing I ever got from an ex). I feel like Sam @copperbadge has a more "a la minute" (hyuk hyuk) set of opinions about Chicago dining than I do -- like I said, a lot of the places that I really liked didn't survive the pandemic or they're outside of the city itself.

Oh! And it is sort of touristy but also very nerdy: the International Museum of Surgical Science. There's an exhibit right now about Frankenstein!

Honestly, looking at the MPCA/ACA website, I'm just jealous you get to be doing/seeing that all weekend. I feel like that's the nerdiest and most fun-seeming ticket in town. What are you there to present or see specifically?? I'm so intrigued!

[withoutcontxt]

Because the wonderful @varibean asked, my secret theater kids vat7k au vomit. But because I have have like 3 different ones, we’re only doing one. 

So same general time frame that vat7k happens in, not modern because i said so. Not much difference 

Starting with Varian: He definately had to take piano lassons as a child, and Old Corona’s piano teacher just so happens to have done music for a lot of local plays and shows that happen. They kinda introduce Varian to everything, and turns out it’s really cool playing for a musical! So much so that he volenteers to play for them often, even auditioned a couple of times just for shits and made the part for a background character or small role. 

Of course he gets older and the whole villain arc happens, nothing really changes there, but once he gets redeemed and he becomes the Royal Engineer he goes back to playing piano when he has some free time. Definately has some friends at a local theater in Corona and has found himself with a role or two in one of the shows. The only thing is he’s never really told many people about him being a theater kid or knowing how to play piano, his dad knows of course but he just kinda forgot to really tell Eugene, Rapunzel, or Cass. It never came up is all.

He’d probably like Wicked, Heathers, Chicago, maybe even Hamlet, and primarily finds being a narrator fun, since he’s not on the stage much and, if they’ll let him, can still just play the piano.

Yong I think would be more of a tech kid for this au, it’s just no one wants him near the lights casue you know. He’d love to work with them though! One of the things he’s hoping, is that once he can figure out how to not make everything explode that he tinkers with, he can work with them more often. He’s definately almost set fire to the props at least one though. Probably would like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

Nuru would have been introduced to theater through watching it, obviously. The first time she saw a play, she imedently knew that’s what she wanted to do one day. She actively makes donations to theater groups across her kingdom and has definately, on the very rare occasion, been in a show. Most often of times she is watching them though. She definately takes ballet though, when she isn’t studying astronomy or other things. Not a lot of people in her personal life know she does these things though, just her family. 

She’d probably likes ballets more, but I can see her loving The Sound of Music, maybe even Hamilton. 

Hugo however, I think would be the most surprising when findong out he likes musicals. He was introduced to the theater when he was young, maybe 9, I think, went inside to hide from some people chasing him on the street. Ever since then, he’s hidden away in the theater to get away from anything, cops, angry salesmen, other thieves, life, and so on. The first couple of times a show might have been playing, and he stuck around to watch, finding he quite liked it. 

It was around the 5th time he ducked in he met Donelle for the first time, and she saw this tiny, probably not even 10 y/o kid and went “He’s mine now,” and took him under her wing. (I am such a sucker for Momelle) I like to think he took ballet lessons to aid him in being a thief, but he’ll also use those lessons to help him audition for shows. Don of course knows about it, she knows everything, and even will go to shows to watch Hugo. She’ll admit he’s great dancer, but definately won’t tell another soul that Hugo loves theater as much as her. Cyrus would never let her live it down how much Hugo is like her. 

Hugo would probably like Chicago (similarly to Varian), Newsies, and would take to his grave that Annie is his favorie musical of all time. Ballet is his favorite to play in of course, he likes to show off. 

How they figured each other out is the dumbes thing though, I’d like to imagine it had to do with getting information on a totem or something. Like all four of them were invited to a fancy party, or they went uninvited, or something and they need a distraction so someone can go and get whatever it is from the other person. 

-

Varian turns to Nuru, Yong, and Hugo and says quietly, “I have an idea, you might not like it, but it’ll work. Quick question, can any of you dance?” 

All of them, slightly taken aback by the random question but hopeful yet that the four of them have a chance get the information they need to get to the next trial, pause for a long moment. Genuinly thinking about their answers. That is until Hugo eventually shrugs he shoulders, not seeing the harm in dancing or Varian’s plan he has yet explained to the rest of them. They all knew he was flexible, and in the worst case scenario, he thought to himself, he would just be doing some basic ballet. Nothing that can incriminate him. 

“Perfect!” Varian exclaims suddenly, “Nuru, you know how to convince our guy to hand over what we need. Yong if anything happens, use your fireworks. Hugo follow me!” 

And all of a sudden Hugo in no longer standing with Yong and Nuru, having been suddenly grabbed and brought about 2 feet away from a small platform that hosts a band of 6, by Varian. The four stop playing the gentle tune just as the shorter of two walks up to them.

He doesn’t even hear what Varian says to the small group, too caught up in trying to figure out when Varian got so strong, but they all look at each other and nod. Seeming to go along with whatever the young, dark haired individual had said. It’s right when Varian turns back around to Hugo that it hits him, Varian wants him to show off his ballet skills. The same skill set that he hadn’t really expressed to his three companions much, if ever.

The next five minutes go as accordingly:

Varian, who didn’t even notice the ever growing sense of doom Hugo was feeling, picked the boy up and brought him unto the platform with him and then set him down. Spouting something about trusting Hugo enough to know what he was doing, which did not warm his heart a little bit, nope. 

The entirety of the of the ball room looked at the stage, wanting to know why two strange youn men have joined the band on stage. 

Varian sits at the small piano in the corner off the stage, and plays what sounds like the most beautiful melody the blonde had ever heard, with the band of 6 joining in soon after. 

The gears in Hugo’s head start moving agian, and he dances.

-

From there Nuru and Yong get whatever it is they needed, Varian and Hugo finish up, and they get the hell outa dodge before security shows up to kick them out. Because mid way through the performance, that was definately the sound of fireworks going off, and Varian and Hugo were not ment to be on stage playing to what was a jazz/more active tune. 

They get to whatever inn they’re staying at and from there they all talk about nothing but theater for the rest of the night. 

Goodnight Everybody! That was my take. 

This was so long, I’m so sorry.

[agent-bash]

Who in the cast do you think is there for the long haul, who do think is more of a flight risk.

So I wouldn’t use the term flight risk, but I get what you’re asking. There are two special cases so I’m gonna mark them with an * if you wanna skip to. Otherwise here we go.

LaRoyce and Marina

I think these two would be safest bets for series start to finishers if PD does achieve L&O (especially SVU) status. They were based in Chicago before the show started. Their families are rooted, they have lives and careers of their own. That’s a factor. It’s not as easy for them to take a job in NY or LA, especially one with the commitment of a TV series without causing major life changes to their families, either by uprooting everyone, or just by being absent for a good chunk of the year. It happens I know but I can’t imagine it’s easy. And while Chicago is a growing market, I’d imagine they’d still be limited in someways to what’s available to them, especially long term, if they left PD but stayed in Chicago. So I think they’re pretty content to stick around for as long as the show  airs and TPTB will have them. 90/10 on staying I’d be floored if either left in a way that wasn’t a writing/creative choice.

Paddy

While we know he likes to travel he’s also not as quick to leave Chicago during the hiatus as some of the others are. Like Tracy and Jesse. I think he’s put down some roots there that he’s pretty happy with. Idk maybe it’s just him, because he is a chill dude, but he seems very content playing Adam. I’d give 80/20 odds on staying. 

Benjamin

Now we’re really getting into my more likely to’s. Idk if it’s just me, I don’t think it is, but the dude is hard to get a read on. However the read I do have is that Benjamin does NOT like to sit still. So being locked into a character for longer than a season, maybe two, might not be for him. And that’s fine and fair. Some actors make amazing careers doing reoccurring roles, or short burst regular stints. And if that’s Benjamin then cool. But again he’s just hard to get a grasp on. So a part of me (and others I know as well) does wonder if the Torres absences this year, was the writers way of getting used, and getting us used to, what we know is coming in season 11, character absences in episodes. I’m gonna go 50/50 honestly. Would not be surprised if he left, but would not be surprised if he stayed either.

Tracy

I think Tracy is always going to be one who is more than happy to stick out her contract, but I don’t necessarily see her re-upping after it’s done. At least not long term. And we know Dick Wolf like his multi-season contracts. But besides that I think Tracy craves new and challenging roles and the downside of playing a character for multiple years is it the challenge fades. And whatever twists and turns the writers try and throw at you really can be boiled down to the same core principles/emotions, the how of it all is just a little different. Some actors are fine with that and do find that different presentation a challenge, which again fine and fair. But others don’t. They still love the character and everything, and they’re cool to come back and play on occasion, but the challenge is gone and they’re ready for a new one. And I think Tracy falls into this later category. IMO 70/30 odds on leaving. I’d be more surprised if she stayed, especially long term, than if she left.

Now to our special cases

*Amy Morton and Jason Beghe 

I believe these two are totally content to stay. The way PD is now (though they have the time to change it up) it lives and dies with Jason/Voight. So factor that in. With Amy, similar to LaRoyce and Marina, her life outside of the show is based in Chicago. She’s taken a few guest and reoccurring roles elsewhere, but she likes to stick close to home. So even in the reduced capacity she’s in, which said she’s more than happy with, I can see her being around for as long as she can. Jason is, right now at least, the central figure in PD. He’s top billed, likely best paid, and is now an EP (probably just a figure head thing but still). However time is a factor here for both these two. Dick Wolf has certain rules he likes followed for his cop shows. Certain things that are accurate to real life. Mandatory retirement is one of those things. It’s lead to the departure of other character (on different shows) before. Now we don’t know either characters ages. But Amy and Jason, IRL, are at that age/beyond that age for the CPD. So while there is wiggle room, especially IMO for Voight, it is on the horizon and something that has to be addressed. Right now also 90/10 for these two staying, but it’s season by season.

[teacherintransition]

As We Take Our Leave of Columbia, Missouri…

This charming city has worked it’s magic on us

Time has been influx these two years of traveling. We’ve loved the places we’ve lived and while we are there, the time seems to fly by incredibly fast. In the moment, we feel immersed in all of our places and it feels like home. Quality of mindset makes each “home” detached from the stresses of time and we are better people by being open to adventure. Alexandria, Granbury, Round Rock are such wonderful cities, but Columbia has moved to the top with little doubt. The city, the countryside, the small, rural communities are incredible and unique to our experience. Quaint, clean, friendly and maintaining their historical origins and feel has been a special experience.

We just thought that we’d lower our heads for thirteen weeks at a time and accomplish our goals and move onto the next one. But…but…love the place and the people? Oh great….again? Who wanted that? Now, it is heartbreaking to leave. Why does this keep happening? The world ISN’T a cesspool of struggle and strife? Who’d a thunk it? For my wife, she has been treated as a professional of the highest order; made special friends of her co workers and one might say she has been compensated lucratively. …she has. (wink wink) I’ve done a great deal of writing, photography, hiking and exploring. The variety of restaurants has been incredible, the historical sites and art venues numerous and all employing excellent, friendly folks from the region. It is among these locales that we have met wonderful people that will never be forgotten.

Our small house, right next to a park, had a nice fenced in backyard that our herd has loved. Close to the downtown historic district, we are near everything: art galleries, coffee shops, restaurants, entertainment venues …I love it! I discovered long ago that a truly wonderful coffee shop is a place where ideas and conversations flow like fresh brewed elixir from the coffee bean. When we got here, there were a number possible shops. On day one, I walked into the Lakota Coffee Shop …decision made. There walls were decorated in a classy and calming brick interior offset with masterfully composed photographs of the region. I’ve gotten a tremendous amount of writing done in such a vibrant environment. I have also spent many wonderful cool afternoons sitting outside, drinking tea and people watching. In a world of going hither and yon, the Lakota has been a haven of good coffee and peaceful surroundings. Keith and his co-workers are amazing people.

If you know me in any way, you know the word “pub” carries an almost, to hell with almost, a TRUE mystical significance. It ain’t just about the drinking my friends, but that is an important aspect. One can get a drink in a bar, a saloon, a cantina, a club, a bar and grille, a restaurant, a cooler….but none of these places come close to being a pub. A pub is something else altogether. A haven for those beaten down a bit, a place for those lonely in their soul, a well of happiness for one seeking conversation and companionship. A true pub has an old world feel, it has a dark calming aura, and a sophisticated selection of whiskies. In my personal experience, I’ve only entered into a handful of places that qualify as a true pub in the magical sense of the word. In Columbia, I came across a clear watering hole that fits my standard of a public house, and we did find some additional pleasant places for relaxing libations. Macnally’s definitely qualified as “pub worthy.” It’s an excellent, large city dive bar on Sixth Street. The staff was excellent and they serve a truly outstanding whiskey/whisky selection. It’s a perfect Chicago deep dish pizza provider …delicious. Aces to the Macnally’s

I wouldn’t consider Missouri as foreign, but the cuisine and offerings were very unique… and delicious. The Barred Owl, Sycamores, Ozark Biscuit Company, Delilas, Addisons …I could go on. The people were very kind and the wares excellent. They do like their bourbons and Killians Irish Red, which was fortunate as I do as well. We enjoyed every spot and equally enjoyed how surprisingly tasty the food of Missouri is to a couple of Texans.

The countryside and mountains are sublime. No pine trees ….yea… allowed us to finally see an actual autumn landscape. We enjoyed numerous hiking trails and quietly enjoyed sitting by the Missouri River. Not being from farming country, the infinite rows of corn and soybean and sunflowers were incredible. The pastures were green and splashed with the vibrant yellow of the corn and sunflowers. All of it seemed like walking into a Van Gogh or Grant Wood painting. Far surpassed the muted pine green of East Texas. Delightful.

We planned for many things on this adventure and many wonderful things have taken place. Ive yet to adjust to having my heart broken joyfully by these wonderful locales. I had people warn me that Alexandria was a rough city; a run down city, a crime ridden city….bless their poor, slow little hearts. I had folks warn us that Granbury was just a hick spot in the road. Most of the criticisms of Round Rock centered on traffic …I’ll go with that one; but good friends and good times outweighed all the negatives. Columbia has proven to be our Nirvana …we could move tomorrow…well, maybe not exactly. If you look for the negative…it will be found. I look at things with my soul’s eye…it’s then that you can see the magic of a place and the beauty of another’s spirit. I didn’t expect to love these people and this place…but our hearts are healed and we didn’t know they needed healing. Thank you Columbia and au revoir.

.