#she hasn't hurt anybody in reality

[psychofreakforc]

Sad Tara hcs 💕💕💕:

Post-scream 2022 events, Tara stopped talking to chad, mindy or everybody that wasn't Sam, because just like her sister, she felt it was her fault that her friends or people she knew got brought into this mess. Chad and Mindy tried to get ahold of her, but she was unreachable, and Sam didn't immediately realise she was avoiding them until they sent her a message asking about Tara.

Tara has chronic pains. She hasn't told sam or anybody else to not worry them even more. But sometimes she wakes up, and it feels almost impossible to get up, move, or do anything at all but she does it anyway because she can't pause her days whenever she doesn't feel good. She told Sam that her hand doesn't hurt anymore, but in reality, she feels phantom pain. It's like she can feel the blade entering her hand again, but it won't stop. She's getting stabbed over and over again.

Since Tara was a kid, she lived in a house full of screams and constant fights between her mother and her sister, and that still affects her now. Sometimes, Sam comes home furious because of her 2 shitty jobs, and she screams, not at Tara, but still, it makes her feel like a little kid all over again.

The day Tara cut off her mother because she did the same to Sam. Tara stayed almost the entire day locked in her room, she justified it to her sister by saying she had to work on a paper, but Tara spent the all-day crying, because, even if, she knows that christina has never been a good mother and she doesn't deserve sam and tara's love, Tara was still hoping that, maybe, one day they could've been a real Family again. But for Sam, Tara would do it again without thinking about it twice. She would always choose her.

Since they moved on to New York, Tara hasn't stayed at the apartment alone once. If Sam is going to the grocery store, Tara is going with her. If quinn is on a date and sam is at work, Tara is either at mindy or chad's dorm, or she invites (forces) them to come stay at her apartment. Tara is trying so hard to convince herself that the reason is because she just gets bored alone, but deep down, she knows the real reason.

When Tara started to meet new people, she developed a habit of lying about who she really is to fill her need to be a normal person again. Sometimes Tara is from Michigan, sometimes from Florida, Texas, New Jersey... but never from California. It's like Tara was rewriting her all life, but she had complete control of it. it started with small changes, but then it became so much more than that.

After her father left and Sam got distant, Tara stopped celebrating Christmas, she used to love it when she was younger, but after the mess that happened around that period, she can't help but connect the bad memories to it. Then, after Sam left her, too, she stopped celebrating her birthday (it's not like anybody remembered it). For the first few birthdays after sam left, mindy, chad, wes and Amber tried to organise something nice for her but she didn't take it well and from then on, no one dared to do it again.

Bonus hc (this is a happy one):

When Sam came back and they started to re-build their relationship again, Tara was surprised to see that her sister remembered so many things about her, and even her birthday. On that year that Sam came back, on December 14th, She showed up in Tara's room with a box filled with gifts that she bought for all of the birthdays she missed when she left. Because even when Sam was in Modesto, there wasn't a moment where she didn't think of Tara.

[lindszeppelin]

I feel ashamed of the shippers, they are using the 2 photos that Kaia uploaded as their wallpaper, without knowing if it is Austin, and right now the ridiculous ones have the photo of her assistant as their wallpaper.

Regarding what the shipper commented in your anonymous comments, I want to say that the problem is not with Austin or that he is in a relationship and that we cannot stand him being with another woman other than us, because I have read that stupidity. Kaia earned our rejection because of how fake she is, for using Austin for her convenience and not respecting his privacy, Austin hates paparazzi and every time she is around they photograph him, we also know that she pays to have her photos taken for branding issues like many models do, but the difference is that to be relevant she has to use Austin's name in all those articles where they talk about his abs and his hair falling in his face 😂. In an interview she mentioned that their relationship is private and that she doesn't have social media on her cell phone, which is a big lie, we've seen her glued to Instagram thousands of times, but where Austin said the same thing and she doesn't have her own personality she decided to be interesting in that aspect. As for the privacy of their relationship, it's something that is clear that she didn't impose and that it was Austin's decision, which is why every time she's near him she needs to be photographed so people know they're still together, this tells me about a totally insecure person who needs her name to be linked to Austin's. And the most important point and the one that hurts us the most, is how unhappy Austin looks every time she's around, we follow him for his great talent, charisma and way of being, which is highlighted by all of us who know him, but when she's around he stops being that happy, gentlemanly and friendly person, doesn't that catch your attention? And you can't say that Austin is like that in his relationships, because he had a very exposed relationship where he naturally showed everything he is and the love he felt at that moment.

The lack of disrespect that Kaia has for Austin goes beyond the page, it's overflowing. She has never once showed Austin grace and kindness. Only if it benefitted her and her fame, her wallet, her name, then that's what makes her happy. Austin has gained nothing meaningful in this situationship at all. And his own fans don't show him the respect he deserves. All they care about are the same things...the popularity that comes with riding their coattails, the attention and the engagement online. So long as it benefits them, that's as far as their like for Austin goes. Kaia and them have a lot in common as far as their trash personalities, no wonder they flock to her so much. And no wonder they simp for her. Without Austin, both Kaia and the shippers have nothing going for them. The dissolution of their relationship means the end of the mooching and the attention seeking for both parties. It's truly revolting. This man needs a woman that will love him, care for him, and nurture him in all the ways that a good man deserves to be looked out for. His happiness is of top priority. Nothing means more than seeing him truly happy. The fact that he hasn't been photographed by anybody since she left for Paris speaks volumes. That's how it should be, him just living his life and walking around stress free without baggage. And some of these people in the fandom need a goddamn reality check before the universe slaps them with it.

[frigigly]

I do indeed want to eat glass anytime someone criticises the latter parts of Steven Universe without the context that it was rushed as hell by the network literally because of homophobic reasons.

Also the show is just good actually. Any arguments I've heard so far about the moral aspects of the show being weird seem just wrong to me lol.

I think the show does a very good job of separating characters' actions from the characters themselves? Like pearl tricking garnet to fuse with her was deeply fucked up and will never be ok, garnet makes a point to tell her she doesn't forgive her for it. And rightly so. But also the response to that isn't just pearl should die or something, its that she just moves on and learns to improve herself because that makes her happier and her friends happier, and this is applied to almost every other character too.

Like rose has done a lot of fucked up things, but she's not just supposed to be a villain 'worse than the diamonds' (insane that some people think that). She's the story of someone trying to remove themself from abusive familial dynamics and trying to improve themself despite that history. It makes sense that she takes on more of a negative/ sinister hue, considering the series takes place from Steven's perspective, and out of anybody, he's definitely allowed to hate her a little bit lol. But his own valid biases and feelings don't have to undo all the good that is inside her.

See also Bismuth, see also Spinel, see also Lapis, etc etc.

So when the diamonds do fucked up things, like corrupt gems, like indefinitely bubble the real roses, like maintain a fascist conquering regime, and then aren't killed as some kind of 'punishment', it doesn't bother me because I know this show, and I know it hasn't forgotten everything it's said up to this point. Just because they aren't actively being killed by Steven doesn't have to mean they're '''''redeemed'''''. They really were just not an active threat anymore.

It's ok to hate them! In fact I'm fairly sure the show expects you to. Even the fact that they were undoing the damage they had done in future doesn't just magically absolve them of how fucked up what they did was.

Like I really love the episode homeworld bound cause it's this almost mocking display to steven how everything is fine now, (throwing him right back into the princess gauntlet!) and the diamonds are sooooo perfect and cool now, and they have absolutely no problems, even though steven is in one of his lowest mental states to date. And the whole time steven is like "What the hell! You can't just magically make me feel better after everything you've done to me!" and they literally say to him "Lol yeah we can :D whats wrong lol why are you so mad, if you dont think you deserve to be happy thats your problem lol!" Like it's really giving pretentious ass self help yoga instructors, ESPECIALLY white like christ. Their egos are all still definitely there, they're just trying to make up for what they've done, because it should absolutely be on them to do so. It does not absolve them of their crimes and the show doesn't want you to think it does! And of course they can't help steven because they aren't fully respecting how much they've hurt him by that point, and all they do is send him further into his meltdown.

I really think you'd have to be blind to not see that even if Steven isn't fighting them anymore, he HATES the diamonds, and doesn't want anything to do with them now that he doesn't have to stop them from ruining his life. He literally does try to kill white but somehow people will still try to argue that he ''''''''forgave them too easily''''''''. I'm sorry but that argument really doesn't make any sense.

I know this show covers some very heavy topics, so it is going to be divisive. The horrors of how deeply your own family can hurt you is a reality many people are unfortunately very intimate with, so I do understand if people just don't like what the show tried to do, or if it just makes people uncomfortable, that's completely fair. I really do think though that the show is trying to stick up for people like that who have been hurt, and how you still deserve a chance to grow past it, it's surely not trying to dismiss or lessen anyone's trauma associated with their own past.

I'm sure in a better world we would have gotten a longer diamond days arc that didn't feel so rushed. Personally I think even future could have used another season, and the parts of season 5 exploring the fallout of the rose/ pink diamond reveal could have used some more episodes too. Unfortunately CN was very unfair to Rebecca and the crewniverse throughout the entirety of SUs airing.

Anyway I don't even know if I coherently made the point I was trying to, but tl;dr Steven universe is good actually, it should be looked at as a historic show for lgbt media and television, and it could have been even better if it wasn't being brought down every step of the way by a homophobic system, please support queer artists, love u bye

[shinra33459]

My ACNH Villagers random headcanons and tidbits

Lobo

He always says that he's an old man, but in reality, he's not even middle aged yet: he's only 38.

When he was younger, he was a Marine and quite proud of his service. He earned a few medals, got to the rank of Staff Sergeant, and was a Drill Instructor for his last 2 years. Afterwards, he became an MMA fighter.

Getting him to open up about his military experience is a bit difficult, but he'll talk your ear off about his time as a professional fighter.

Being a Marine plus being a professional fighter put a lot of wear on his body. He may be 38, but he feels like he's 55 with all the damage done to his body.

He likes Bam a lot because of his fitness-oriented lifestyle. Although, that blue deer could use some more discipline and be a little less arrogant.

He'd be happy to help push Bam to his physical limits and even teach him some new things like some martial arts or boxing.

Bam

One of the younger villagers on the island at the age of 24. Don't let his youth fool you, he does have some decent knowledge and wisdom under his belt.

Fitness is all day, everyday bro. Asking Bam to not do something physical is like asking him not to breathe.

His old job was being a trainer at a gym. He knows the value of fitness and encourages everyone to be their healthiest.

He's a very hands-on kind of deer. Whether it be building, catching bugs, fishing, that's the kind of thing he loves to do. Learning anything new, it has to be physical so he can learn it himself.

He's a huge connoisseur of sports. Football, soccer, baseball, basketball, hockey, and even motorsports, you get him talking about sports, he will not shut up.

He sees Lobo as a great friend of his and got the old wolf back into the realm of exercise, which was easy. He thinks that Lobo is a bit stuck-up but that he means well.

Pashmina

She's a bit younger too, but a little older than Bam at 27 years old. She's been around the block quite a few times and is almost as wise as Lobo.

She used to work at a diner as an assistant manager, but despite this, her cooking skills are average as she used to be part of the wait staff.

Because of this, she's very kind and caring towards other peoples' needs. But with her experiences in waitressing and management, she doesn't take crap from anybody.

She won't hesitate to fight anybody who hurts her friends. Whether it be physical or emotional, she doesn't care.

She likes Lobo a lot; both of them are stubborn and headstrong. At first, she hated his guts though. Pretty much the same story with Bruce.

Also enjoys talking to Sherb who is pretty much the island's therapist.

Sherb

He's the youngest on the island at 20 years old. He's a bit naive but he just wants to see everyone be happy. He doesn't care who they are, he just wants to spread smiles.

Hasn't worked a serious job in his life yet. He's done some part-time work though in his teens before moving to the island.

Out of all the residents on the island, he's the best cook out of all of them. His parents taught him how to cook incredibly well, and he wants to be a chef at a good restaurant someday.

He loves talking about and even catching bugs. If he isn't being the island therapist, you can usually find him looking around for some kind of bug to catch.

Out of all the villagers, he's the most partial towards Vesta. She's incredibly nice to him and he sees her as a very close friend which also enjoys his cooking.

In many ways, he's the polar opposite of Lobo and Bruce. While they're more stubborn and callous, he's docile and kinder.

Vesta

Out of all the villagers, Vesta is the oldest at 48 years old. Even being almost 50, she knows the most about computers compared to anybody on the island.

Her old job was working in I.T. and she had been doing that for the last 25 years before she finally retired a few years ago, earning her pension.

She decided to come to the island to enjoy her retirement, and living on an island colony sounded like the perfect opportunity to unwind.

She's best friends with Sherb, but also views herself as a motherly figure. That boy is too naive for his own good.

She gets along best with Sherb and Bam, but is a little biased towards Lobo, Bruce, and Pashmina. She just thinks that they're too stubborn.

Generally supportive of everyone on the island. She is a bit of an old-fashioned lady and has her own line of thought on how people should behave.

Bruce

Bruce is older than Lobo but younger than Vesta at 42. He's a bit opinionated when it comes to advice and often gives unsolicited advice.

He means well by it but doesn't really understand that people don't always want his advice.

Before leaving to go to the island, he was a night club bouncer. He had to be mean and tough to scare off would-be troublemakers at the establishment.

Behind all that tough persona, he's really a nice guy who wants to enjoy life. He's getting older so his mind is on the horizon with things like retirement and family.

Growing up and living in a big city for most of his life, he's used to a lot of noise, but the island is a nice change of pace.

He gets along with Lobo, Bam, and Pashmina the most. The rest he is neutral towards for the most part.

Beau

Beau is a part of the younger crowd on the island at 25. He's a simple man and enjoys some good relaxation, no matter what anyone says.

Before he moved to the island, he was a full-time college student, and recently earned his degree. While he may be smart, he isn't the most mature.

His choice to move to the island was because he just wanted to have some time to relax. At this point, he doesn't even care if his career ever takes off.

He likes Sherb the most because Sherb also enjoys relaxing, but he isn't the biggest fan of Bam who constantly pushes him to be active.

Despite him being a laid back college student, he gets along well with Bruce, that street-smart ex-bouncer.

As long as people aren't pushing him to do what they want, or what they think he should do, he doesn't really care.

Audie

Audie is in the middle of the group when it comes to age, being 30 years old. Despite no longer being in her early 20s, she still likes to party and have a good time.

Before she came to the island, she was a DJ going all over the place playing music. Even a party animal like her needs some peace and quiet.

She heard that coming to some deserted island with some other strangers would be a fun experience and she was immediately down to try it out.

She gets along with everyone else besides Lobo and Bruce. Those two just find her to be condescending towards them and also a bit annoying.

Out of all the villagers, she vibes the best with Pashmina, as both love to just gossip to each other about things that come to mind.

No matter what, Audie is just here to have a good time and try to spread some good vibes.

Phil

Another middle in the age group at 33 years old. He is a bit of a cocky bird that loves to boast.

Before coming to the island, his job was being a baseball player for a Minor League team, his dream career.

He came to the island because his contract wasn't renewed, and he wanted some time away from the baseball diamond. A getaway on a deserted island sounded perfect.

He gets along with pretty much everyone, and doesn't cause any problems either, despite his somewhat egotistical nature.

Out of everyone, he tends to hang out around Bam the most. The both of them love talking about sports, and Bam loves that Phil was a baseball player.

All around, Phil just wants to enjoy himself as much as he can. He spent a lot of time on the road as a professional athlete and was in dire need of a break.

Savannah

Another in the younger crowd of the villagers at 22 years old. She loves to meet new people and experience new things.

Before coming to the deserted island, her main job was being a tour guide at a nature preserve. She loves the outdoors a ton.

Getting to explore new environments was what drew her to the island in the first place. Having just the opportunity to do such was more than enough for her.

She's fine with everyone on the island except for Lobo, Pashmina and Bruce. She thinks that they're too pigheaded and doesn't care much for them.

She and Vesta get along the best. Having another villager similar in personality to her is all that she needs.

You can normally find Savannah going around the island exploring and trying to find new things. She also frequents the museum and eagerly awaits new arrivals to see.

[theflavourofsunrise]

Pairing: Tachihara Michizou x Akutagawa Gin

*Unbreakable love*

WARNING: CONTAINS A BIT OF MANGA AND ANIME SPOILERS

♡light angst, romance, fluff, fantasizing, break up and make up, slightly suggestive♡

Gold is precious only for the fools, they consider it valuable and think, that it can warm their heart. It's never a jewelry of gold, that makes the soul brighten up, it's always the meaning we choose to give to it. In the end gold is just a cold metal.

She was terribly scared of her own voice. It felt so surreal to hear herself like this or actually in general, to hear her pain becoming sound through the storm of her tears. Crying, she was crying. This wasn't a nightmare, this was the sharp reality making her tremble. Her brother looked at her in disbelief and frustration. He wasn't used to witnessing such overflowing expression of emotions from her. What should he say or do now? So confusing, no this is allready making him angry actually. He suddenly stepped closer to her and grabbed her fists, trying to unclench them. She was holding so forcefully a gold necklace with a little heart shaped pendant. The delicate chain was cutting mercilessly into her soft skin, because of the exagerated tightness of her grip on it. She wanted to destroy it, simply just throwing it away to get rid of it wouldn't be enough. But she hasn't got the ability to do so, the one who gave her this necklace could have done it easily, he is the one with the special ability of controling metal.

-Enough, Gin - her brother spoke up finally, he was incredibly harsh, his voice held no trace of empathy, not even a little drop of pity - he is a traitor, we, in the Mafia, we depise such worms. Got it??

Gin only opened her fists to drop the necklace to the floor to step on it hyterically.

-Stop it!! Listen to me and try to behave yourself! Where is my badass and confident lil sis now??

-Confident? Do you really think, that i am confident?? I am just trying my best, it is very hard tho, to not break down, to hide my shy nature in the disguise of roughness. I am totally broken now...-her tone was insicure and suffocated by her loud sobs and newly freed salty rivers of endless tears, but she went on - I don't give a damn, about the fact, that he betrayed the Mafia, he betrayed my heart, that's what matters to me.

-Oh don't be so pathetic, he stabbed you. Do you think he did care about you??-Akutagawa was now shouting between coughs.

-My heart hurts a lot more, than my body could ever do.-Gin put an end to the conversation by walking out ot the room and leaving her brother with many suspicions rising in his mind.

Akutagawa mumbled to himself "maybe there was something more between them"

...

***

Tachihara ripped of the bandaid from the bridge of his nose and angrily tossed it in the trash. Then he took of his uniform cape, step by step getting out of his clothes in front of the mirror made him only more and more frustrated. Breaking the mirror wouldn't help, there would be only a huge mess to clean up and he, the image of himself, that he hated so much, that would remain. Being such a delusion to everyone felt like an obstacle made of an unbreakable material keeping him away from happiness and fullfillment. Yes, a troublesome disappointment, now not just to his family, but to Gin too...

-Anybody deserves someone better than me- he wispered slowly to his reflection in the mirror. He went on with a shaky hint in his voice - but she loved me or at least she loved something in me. She never compared me to anybody, i never felt the urge to be different just to avoid being what I knew I couldn't be, because she never expected me to be something else.

His realization took him back through the labyrinth of memories to moments, when she inocently kissed his nose and sincerly smiled at him while taking their usual Sunday morning walk in the woods. His Gin, the Gin he felt only he knew, when pinning her down on the ground, tossing away the food and their belonging on the picnic blanket to feel every inch of her under himself. To press himself against her body, impossibly close, to cancel forever the distance between them, the distance, that grow and grow by every day that passed.

***

Gin was laying awake in her bed, she was waiting for the sunrays to arrive through the curtains to paint her room in a soft pink glow. It happened more and more often, that she woke up so early, that it was still completly dark outside, so she stayed in bed waiting for something she can't put into words or contemplating his absence. Missing so badly the mornings when she woke up next to him, this feeling draw scars into her heart, wounds that deepened by every day that passed. The sunrise was shining in a totally different way when she found herself between his arms. Gin was used to silence, but comfortable silence was a whole new thing. She never thought or could have imagined, how the absence of words between two human beings can feel so comfortable, how can someone not demand or try to drag words out of her. Paradoxally this freedom made her wanting to talk to him more than to anyone else.

Having Tachihara in her life felt like needing less her diary, most of what needed to be said wasn't caged only in writing as before, but grew wings and found its path to the outside world. She was amazed how easily she can talk to him, but now her words seemed to lost the map again. Her silence was like before, a burden of shyness and a protection of her real essence.

Gin realized, how she was restraining herself in one corner of the bed as if she wasn't alone. She reached her arm out to touch the nothingness, the empty space next to her, the coldness. She closed her eyes and held onto the sheets, will it ever happen again? Will she ever have the chance to feel his gentle touch, a feather like smoothness reserved only to her? In the bitter sweet fantasies of her heart, he was now brushing away a strand of smooth long black hair to expose her neck just to kiss it sweetly, while redrawing her curves with nearly ticklish caresses. But the goosebumps never arrived, niether the playful bites after the kisses on her neck. Only an unpleasant shivering jolted her back to reality, Tachihara wasn't there and most likely he will never ever be again in her bed.

***

-So many of them, now how am I supposed to find that one?- Tachihara sighed painfully standing on the bridge with all the locks of lovers of the past and present. Now after what Fukuchi did to him, he wasn't used to using more his other senses rather than his vision. He felt so lost, slowly he knelt down to be closer to the locks and started touching them one by one. He tried to find that little green one with their initals and a symbol of infinity... Time seemed to flow in a dizzy hurry and the setting Sun allready dipped in the river, bringing an orange glow to the surface of the water. People passed through the bridge giving pityful looks to the man desperatly searching between the locks. But they went on with their lives, because nobody truly has space in them or interest regarding someone else's suffering. Only one person stood across the bridge, never looking away. A girl in a flowy white dress, with long black locks. Gin's hair wasn't in the usual bun, she let it down, allowing the wind to play with it. It was such an ironic coincidence , that she came here too today...the exact same day Tachihara did. She wanted to run to him right away after noticing him. But she felt glued to the ground, her whole body felt so unbearably heavy. What wasn't letting her move? Her heart was supressed by her crazily racing mind, how can she trust him again? Until her body gave in and she walked up to him, she kneeled down too and reached out to softly squueze his hand. Tachinara tensed up, because of the sudden touch and instantly recognized her. He wouldn't have believed it was her, is she wasn't touching him. It was real, her hand on his hand was real, no doubt. Like a dream, but real.

-Gin, I am sorry, I will find it soon sure and I can take it off easily

...just..sorry-his voice trailed off.

-Shh, darling, it is here, i found it, but let it there.-she leaned closer to him, her warm breath fanning over his skin.

-Why? Aren't you mad to me? I thought you-but she interrupeted him.

-Tachihara, I am really so mad, but I can't-she paused- i can't stop loving you. She brought his hand over the little lock to make him trace their initials and the symbol of infinity. His fingers trembled slightly while recognizing the forms. And after a while he brought his hand up to her cheeks:

-Gin-chan, my love. Forgive me, i can easily betray any organization, but I can never betray you. No order can be above the love i feel for you.-he ended his confession with locking his lips with hers in the sweetest kiss of the promise of never letting down each other ever again.

[scentedchildnacho]

The musician wanted to stop and talk to me so I told him his beliefs are of jails and so abnormal....I kept asking him if he formulated his beliefs in jail but he said no he hasn't been in jail so I asked if a high school then his beliefs are tribal and of a jail and he should evolve and elevate his consciousness because all he did was interrupt my dinner

He kept talking about capitalism being evil so I said no the states is true emigration can come here and live a good or better or made themselves life or the other America truth is san diego is just under riot seige by something truly evil

San Diego is just much grosser and meaner because it wasn't cold enough here

He asked me about communism and I said the rise of communism in China is maybe about how repulsive rampant anti repression is....its truly pornographic and disgusting in San Diego all the time so communism does present interesting solutions

Getting rid of private insurance about criminality would way improve pacific beach if it was a matter of forced public process to offer triage services to event crises a lot more of this documented as rape crisis intervention would way improve sanitation and international aid if these occurances were getting appropriately filed

I mean the criminality is just so high and all the time it would be way better if mental places were removed for county triage facilities and people were allowed to research how bad light terrorism has become

Then all sorts of weird beliefs like indigenous people steal my land....so I told him to evolve his life truth is white and indigenous have......lived in the North America's for over 500 years with mutual disciplines and survival and it's a lot more interesting then a history let's you get an erection killing spanked Catholics

All of that intertwines with emigration into really interesting people and mixed cultural forms your life is a belief in getting to rape based off a history so you shouldnt ever be allowed history....

Then he claimed there is no evidence of six million Jews killed in Europe and they just killed palestinians randomly

So I told him it was a war....and that mormons are evil.....so he has needs to rape and kill other fair people to steal their life if it's indigenous black or whatever their the reason he mass murders

Then he told me being the only person with an instrument or The Master....as what controls reality is a slave to him....

Then left before I could explain no slavery was slavery a slave had no rights at all to artistic activity they had to sit and use a leaf to fan the master or suffer death or other tortures

Then he told me they just make Russians out to be really and so I said no they don't they make Russians out to be like African emigration those weren't accurate genetic studies and it really hurts kills goes missing naturalized citizens here to have soviet achievement worship Russians don't practice biblical law about age of achievement and so steal position

I explained all jobs have to be tribal Putin aid systems because the russian financial analyst is 22.....that's what they give her to do what is to be financialized about eye white light tumors....no one ever paid like a few decades for her to network and secretary and actually know people here no one paid any university for her and thats why everything is fucked and stupid...humans of new York Russians present Edward bernays people with impossible fantasies about illegal labor

Russians allow people fantasies of a.i. not humans

She doesn't actually know anybody here

I don't know I wouldn't want to have a title that presents like dissertation like files if I hadn't secretaried with a firm a long time till my name became that official

Then there is kind of the dark side of things about Russians.....there is apparently hidden work populations like illiterate hidden construction work so I think it is a war the states is really capable of being very savage and unforgiving and really just enjoying the brute physicality and athleticism of war

Well a lot of naturalized born in the states citizens just go missing in the drug war on children then stupid bitch is your financial analyst.....so it is a war

Putin as a younger executive did get profiled like a nigger in how he would give resources to the Russian poor

So that's also the constant illegality of the library solar project those experiments were already called pornographic in the 1970s so dead white men already filed Russian 22 year olds work....

Yes she does look really competent and out of this world impossible because she just re submitted dead white men's portfolio

They go rape children with high voltage and it inspires pesticides and torture with tools then I get stalked with access program food stamps....access programs have been illegal a long time under indigenous women may seek inherent status here

Thats why its more that Vladimir Putin is the problem

Well I'm maybe speaking too conflagrated but I wouldn't like people who stalked me with so much voltage I started really actively running and bending or physically involving my body with the park stuff I wouldn't want to feel that disinhibited

So that's what I think MLK jr is talking about in being annoyed by a white terrorist.....I think a hells angel is nicknamed discord and he acts like a nigger the way Putin did....

Anyway I told him beliefs in a prior genocide don't make sense because realistically the world is over populated

Truth is humans prefer to be alone and their not good at doing communal moral things they should sometimes most people lie to themselves that they shouldn't own weapons and have pride in that

Lies people tell themselves is that they may be at peace instead of helping the good cause population control

People don't like telling other people what to do and truth is serial killers like you man have European union health care that can stop your genetics from reproducing in safe and healthy and enjoyed ways

People could have naturally lowered your libido and taught you sit stay be kind listen don't reek and they just kind of let you get horny

I met this past menopausal woman and she talked to me like twelve years a slave she told me now that all that is over she may truly enjoy the twilight of life here and all that doesn't happen to her anymore

Anyway discord is very real....lots of young pale men offered easy jobs in public medical drugging the nation to death especially mentals....mentals don't have any physical health care rights

Discord is everywhere around you California jewelry bling...constant I can't breathe nicotine cigarettes

You as a serial killer could have been made comfortable and happy in your lowered libido and boss prestige and discord called you a nasty naughty retard

That's white people white terrorism functions because people don't believe white people could be elected to lead the nation you expect so little from white people and always prefer whites that are crack dog shit gross

You could be trained to not be so materially greedy cannibalistic and disgusting you could ask white people for higher level reasoning and you always prefer greedy battery

Everywhere you go there are white or European walks and their just obstacles to you and any of them listened to could have told you how to stop yourself from that embarrassing of an extroverted problem

Biden called putin a son of a bitch.....unipolar....I think its Putin's tendency to blame americans for what nazis or baltics did like murder the Messiah......or blame Americans for his intense relationships with weapons China so i think peace starts with accurate trials

[containatrocity]

THE HARLEQUIN: HEX HALCYON SIF-SIDON

The torturous rage that's performed on this stage, As I gaze at myself playing this role, It makes me feel whole- When I'm in full control I'm no longer a doll that you own ! ! !

"I'm Hex Halcyon Sif-Sidon- You'd do well not to forget the whole thing, 'cause I'm gonna be a big deal, someday, got it? But I guess you can just call me Hex, Most folk do. I'm 24 years old and I'm a bona-fide circus freak- but I guess, these days, with my tourin' opportunities on hold- I'm fillin' slots as a Police Dispatcher. I arrived in town in with my traveling troupe Seven years ago, and I still live with the surviving members in an abandoned house on the edge of town. I'm not sure how I feel about the Commune, because far be it from the clown to judge anybody else- My greatest vice is my inability to mind my own business, and the fact I'm a hellish gossip."

Name: Hex Halcyon Sif-Sidon

Aliases: Hex, Sif, Baby, B Гиена (v Giyena) [The Hyena], Bubbles the Clown

Age: 24 (October 11th)

Sexuality/Gender: Pansexual Genderfluid (She/They)

Personality: A horrendous busybody, Hex is the most extroverted member of the Menagerie post their being trapped within Huntsville, constantly getting themselves involved in the lives and business of others, often uninvited. Peppy and vibrant, they can often come off as 'too much' for the unprepared, and has been since her arrival nearly eight years ago. They don't seem troubled by their new lot in life beyond a lingering sense of wanderlust, and her tendency to make new friends quickly has done her well, despite the fact her reputation as a nosy gossip is well-known.

Occupation: Former Circus Act, Presently working at the local police station as a dispatcher.

Affiliations: The Marvelous Menagerie Traveling Circus, The Huntsville Police, Arkadeon Sidon- their husband, and the Menagerie's present ringmaster, 39 years old.

Scent Profile: Sweet, like sugar and fresh cotton sheets, Like lanolin for violin bows and honey candies made by hand in the kitchen- like sweet flowers for bees they rear and the harsh copper of blood.

Aesthetic: Canvas strips from tents torn into bandages, rubbing alcohol biting into split knuckles and ignored bloodied lips. A painted on grin in white and blue paint hiding a frown beneath, everybody loves a clown- and you've been a fool for some time. Bees sting but once and then they die but they follow the will of a Queen. It is femininity made dagger sharp and deadly- Fear my sting, fear my sting, please do not hurt me.

You've ruined me and everything that used to seem Pleasant to me Is now a broken mockery- Nostalgic lost reality. But now it seems within these dreams the power all belongs to me!

CHAPTER ONE: LIFE IN HUNTSVILLE POST ARRIVAL

Hex has adjusted alarmingly well, all things considered, they miss the glamour of touring and performing that they saw in their teens, but there is a comfort in routine, and her fondness for the bees she keeps, and those who live within her strange little family of circus freaks tends to keep her on the straight and narrow. While their tendency to spread rumors and gossip hasn't earned them many favors, it's also not garnered many detractors in their life, most finding her more than enjoyable to be around given their plucky personality and eagerness to participate in anything she's invited to. She's the public facing presence for the Menagerie, a bright eyed, plucky young thing who garnered her fame in the cirque with her work as a clown and a tightrope walker. She tends to wilt, in the presence of her husband, though if asked about this, she'll quickly change the subject to something else, choosing to think about anything else aside from the man who heads her circus, and the fact their numbers are far smaller than they had been, that faithful night their traveling troupe rolled through the town of Huntsville. They remain close to Mercy, another freak in their circus who headed the sideshow, largely defaulting to his judgement of others when they're together- And with notable friction between Mercy, Arkadeon, and herself, the people of the Menagerie are a frayed tightrope bound to snap someday- Hex simply hopes that they're not the one to cause the break.

[isopodsoup]

Hey, so I'm gonna make an update here because this blog format means I can fit a LOT more text + information into one post which is super useful to a rambler like me.

Testing out 'read more' for the first time but TLDR: drawing is going bad and I'm being put in a mental health care facility with bad reviews about abuse and Christianity being pushed on patients (the transfer is all without my consent, too) after having a mental breakdown and having the police called

(TWS HERE AND IN TAGS) // knife, self harm, police/police tasers, mental breakdowns, racism mention

So, basically. I had a huge build up of dealing with a stupid amount of stupidity from my father in particular for almost 2 decades. I'm still not entirely sure what even happened but as far as I've managed to figure out:

I was listening to videos with headphones in my room with the door closed (as I always do in my noisy house when I want to chill) and my family wanted me to do the dishes (especially my father, ironic because he has never done dishes) and I couldn't hear anybody calling from where I was. He ran into my room and started screaming and kept screaming while I asked for an apology and for him to just ask normally because I obviously had no idea why he was suddenly so angry and I obviously hadn't just been 'ignoring' him. He kept screaming, ripped my devices and chargers out of the wall and ran off. Then, my mother turned off anything online and just ignored me.

Problem is my self sooth method is just mindless silly videos on YouTube because it blocks out noise + distracts me. So, I lost my only sooth method and had to listen to loud noises and people talking and yelling (not just about what happened, my parents are always fighting daily LOL) all while having a mental breakdown.

So uhh, I ended up cutting most of my hair off with scissors, cutting my arm with a knife and rubbing hand sanitiser in it (it's fine). Continued to the next day when nobody would tell me anything about my stuff and I had no idea what the hell was going on at this point or why I was really being punished and forced to just 'push through' a whole mental collapse after a long year of struggling and isolation finally coming back and biting me in the ass full force.

My mom walked in and tried to take the knife I had used to hurt myself when she saw it next to my pillow. Not in a nice way, as usual. She hasn't really cared about this kind of stuff for years and just insulted me for it. And... IDK man. Maybe it was the year of isolation after switching schools to one I had avoided for several years because of people there giving me likely PTSD (Likely, they said, yeah. Cause they're useless at actually screening for things) and then spiraling into a paranoid mindset basically seperate from reality (think: people are stalking me, people want to attack and assault me constantly, always in danger, anyone walking behind me was following me, etc for the whole year) and most of the students being huge bigots (Think mullets, thick NZ accents and slurs. One straight up called black people monkeys on my FIRST DAY) but I ended up holding the knife upwards instead (not at her), refusing to give it to her and kept telling her to back off? Short of pointing it at her I was trying to intimidate her away from me cause I was just so skittish and freaked out at this point. Basically, threatening my mom.

So, she had to call the mental health office I was with at the time (explained later) and eventually after she tried again to take the knife she was told to call the police. They ended up threatening me with a taser and really didn't do anything to help but that's the police for you.

Pretty much complete isolation and a few days crying and rubbing sanitiser into my left over cuts from there until my next mental health session with the office. Now, it was probably my mistake for even staying with a doctor who was obvious neurotypical (I'm autistic) just cause I felt guilty admitting I didn't like her because she always kept implying things instead of outright telling me and getting frustrated I wasn't picking up on things I literally... can't pick up? But, anyway. I ended up cancelling anymore sessions. They weren't doing anything to help me at all and really didn't seem to understand communication is a two way thing and I can't just... do whatever I want. She also was supposed to bring a doctor in to talk about testosterone with me (non-binary, transmasc) but she keeps cancelling (several months of cancelling scheduled meet ups) and never showing up so I just gave up on ever getting that part of my mental health taken care of.

But, the BIG thing is that she mentioned in that stupid implied way "is anything happening next week?" I was obviously super confused but figured it was just small talk since the session was almost over. I told her I had an exam next week but nothing else I knew about. She seemed confused about that but NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT WHY.

I find out AFTER the session I'm being sent to a 'place' nobody will tell me about. What it is, where it is, who is there, when I'm going, etc. Nothing. "Let's tell the person whose brain literally functions on being aware of things and told things directly with severe anxiety absolutely nothing about being sent away for "a few days" including the fact they're even being sent away! What a fantastic idea!" is some wild neurotypical mentally stable logic but here we are. They were supposed to go through paperwork with me that session for the place but they never told me ANYTHING or asked for my consent but apparently, I'm still going! Not even sure how they can do that.

I only today - after pressuring my parents - learned where I'm going. This place has 3 stars and reviews are talking about judgy staff, dismissive mindsets and the facility trying to convert the patients to christianity??

Truth be told, I'm scared. I'm terrified. I'm probably just... not going to speak to anyone as best I can and hope they'll just leave me alone but from the website that doesn't look like the case. It's probably more like staff members talking to you, monitoring you and shifting you around place all the time.

So, yeah. I don't know when I'm going to be online again. For all I know, they might take all my devices.

I don't know what to do but, I really hope this isn't goodbye. Thank you.

[linkspooky]

Repress Your Feelings, Girl.

Toga and Uraraka can’t understand each other: because Toga can’t explain herself properly, and Uraraka doesn’t really want to understand. However, there’s also a narrative reason behind why these two characters are fighting each other. It has nothing to do with morality, good or bad, hero or villain, but rather the writing of the characters themselves. Toga Himiko and Uraraka are foils, two sides of the same coin meant to reflect each other. They are essentially (in narrative terms at least) the same person, just both of them expressing different sides of themselves. Uraraka Ochako represses, and Himiko Toga expresses herself, more on their foiling underneath the cut. 

Before I start out I just wanted to point out a few of the deliberate paralels the narrative draws between the two characters. First, the girls come from completely opposite circumstances. 

Uraraka comes from a poor family, whereas Toga comes from what seems to be a wealthy household, considering there’a a gate in front of their door. 

Typically Himiko would be the privileged one, but the narrative inverts this. Uraraka grows up in a household where her identity is affirmed by her parents no matter what. Himiko grows up in a household where she is constantly told she is wrong by her parents. 

Ochako is continually accepted for who she is, and Toga is told not to be herself, not only suffering parental abuse, but also psychiatric abuse on top of that. 

One more way in which they are opposites, Ochako is someone who tends to be sheltered (her parents did her best to hide the fact they were suffering from her because she didn’t want her to feel guitly about it, however it produced the opposite effect, Uraraka got better at reading the faces of people and noticing their suffering.)

Himiko on the other hand has grown up very unsheltered, she’s been on her own since middle school. There’s several hints she’s been exposed to the ugliest side of people already and spends her life running away from them and keeping herself safe from them. 

Himiko and Uraraka are both incredibly good at reading other people, but they developed this ability for opposite reasons. Uraraka who was sheltered noticed the pain her parents tried to hide from her and developed it compassionately, and Himiko who has been on the run for most of her life developed it as a method of survival. However, that doesn’t mean that Himiko is lacking compassion, or Uraraka always empathizes with everyone she meets, because both of them are complex individuals. 

Himiko is capable of empathizing with other people, not only that but she’s grown significantly out of her shell and learned that other people besides her have needs, feelings she needs to take care of, to the point where she’s stopped prioritizing herself first in all circumstances. On the other hand, Uraraka is just as capable of shutting her feelings down and ignoring the viewpoints of other people she finds disagreeable with her own. 

Uraraka and Toga are also both extremely social people, however all of Uraraka’s friends accept her for who she is. Deku knows Uraraka so well that he can tell when Toga, pretending to be Camie, is the one replacing her. Toga is someone who like Uraraka was always at the center of a group of friends tying her together. However, Toga could only present her fake self in front of them. 

1. The Repressed

Jung divides the self into three, the shadow, the persona, and then the ego (self) which is made of a combination of the former too. 

Persona

The persona is how we present ourselves to the world. The word "persona" is derived from a Latin word that literally means "mask." It is not a literal mask, however.

The persona represents all of the different social masks that we wear among various groups and situations. It acts to shield the ego from negative images. According to Jung, the persona may appear in dreams and take different forms. [source]

Shadow

The shadow is an archetype that consists of the sex and life instincts. The shadow exists as part of the unconscious mind and is composed of repressed ideas, weaknesses, desires, instincts, and shortcomings.

The shadow forms out of our attempts to adapt to cultural norms and expectations. It is this archetype that contains all of the things that are unacceptable not only to society, but also to one's own personal morals and values. [source]

My Hero Academia uses Jungian Symbolism, especially in regards to Himiko and Uraraka’s characters, this isn’t something I made up it’s directly in the text. Toga’s act of repression is literally called: wearing a mask. 

Toga and Uraraka are written to contrast each other on which part of themselves they present to the world. Uraraka is extremely conscious of other people’s expectations of her, so she plays up her persona. Uraraka is someone who is always putting up a show for others because she knows how they perceive her. 

Her own perceptiveness works against her, because while she loves seeing people happy the most she also can’t stand to see them in pain, or even be the reason why they’re in pain. Uraraka’s solution to this is a rather immature one, she believes if she’s good all the time, if she’s always this pleasant and happy person and never shares her problems then she won’t drag the mood down. 

Uraraka is conflict avoidant in other words. There are times she directly addresses the conflict like the times with Tsuyu, but even then it’s in a “We should all get along as friends” sort of way. Uraraka always pushes her feelings down and tries her hardest never to cause trouble for others. However there’s a line between trying not to hurt others, and simply pretending the conflict does not exist. 

The shadow is the part of ourselves we repress in order to play for other’s expectations. The persona is a performance, it’s the personality you perform every day. You would swear with a group of friends, but you wouldn’t swear in front of your grandparents. People hide parts of themselves depending on who they’re interacting with, personality is in part a performance to the expectations of others around you, that’s natural. Everyone will have a side of themselves they show to others, and a side of themselves they keep repressed. That’s natural. What is not natural is to be all one way or all the other. 

‘Man is not truly one, but truly two’ “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.” 

The point of the shadow and the persona, is that both are true at the same time. You are both who you pretend to be, and what you hide of yourself. The persona is not fake just because it’s a performance, and the shadow isn’t the true self or all there is to you just because it’s hidden. However, the opposite is true at the same time, the persona is not all of who you are, and you can’t make your shadow go away just by repressing it. 

Psychological repression is not a healthy strategy for dealing with emotions. It doesn’t resolve emotions, it just makes them go away for a short time. One response to the presence of a shadow is to simply ignore it, but ignoring it will just make you ignorant. 

Uraraka views herself to be a good person, and views heroes to be good, but that belief hasn’t come from confronting the bad of society and deciding that heroes are still good anyway. Which is my point, not that Uraraka is wrong, but that she’s ignorant. She’s sheltered, naive, and her lived experience is so narrow she can’t realy make a judgement call on Toga that’s accurate. Like, just for exmaple heroes do in fact kill people. They even get excited about completely destroying villains. 

There are heroes who become heroes just to beat the shit out of villains, there are heroes who will try to kill villains, Tokoyami gets confronted with the fact that Hawks killed a villain and his first response is: You did nothing wrong, Hawks. Uraraka sees heroes as the ideal only ever saving people. Yes heroes save people. There are other heroes who are violent. It’s not one or the other, the truth requires acknowledging both at once. Uraraka’s point that she would never feel happy about violence is a false one, because she doesn’t know that for one, and two heroes are just as capable of violence as villains. 

The key point to repression is that it doesn’t work. 

Himiko already tried reperssing herself and it just drove her insane. The feelings don’t go away simply by pretending that they are not there. Even in a narrative sense, Uraraka’s shadow that she has repressed has escaped her in the form of Himiko and is running around constantly trying to challenge her and confront her to get her to acknowledge those feelings. The feelings will not go away, and Uraraka’s solution is to just keep putting a lid on them and pretending they are not there. It’s because she has such a tight lid on herself it makes her impossible to see things from Himiko’s point of view. 

Why is Uraraka supposed to understand things from Himiko’s point of view? Because Himiko is Uraraka, she’s all of her repressed flaws come to roost. Uraraka cannot change or improve as a person until she accepts both the best and worst of herself instead of just trying to always be good all the time. Understanding Himiko leads to a more gray and nuanced understanding of reality rather than the black and white: heroes good, villains bad. Himiko is a foil, a narrative device used to show the flaws of another character. 

Uraraka did nothing wrong / Uraraka is right. 

Well okay then, but Uraraka would be a pretty boring character otherwise. She’d just be a good girl who did good things all the time and always tried her hardest. I’m not trying to insinuate Uraraka is a bad person, I’m arguing in favor of her complexity. I think there is more to her character than just her trying to be a better hero, and getting stronger and learning to use her powers better. There’s an emotional complexity to Uraraka that she represses. 

Emotionally, Uraraka is similiar to Himiko because they both cope poorly in the same way. Emotional repression is unhealthy. Himiko has only two modes, repress everything or don’t repress anything and both of those extremes are bad. Uraraka is on the path to becoming Himiko, because the only way she knows how to deal with things is to shut her feelings off and as Himiko said that doesn’t work: it just drove Himiko insane. 

2. The Expressed

Himiko Toga is who she is in reaction to her trauma. Uraraka pushes herself down and tries to play to the expectations of others, and Toga asserts herself and tries to defy other people’s expectations. 

I’m actually going to blow everybody’s minds here though: Toga doesn’t actually want to murder people and suck their blood dry. It’s what she thinks she wants, but once again, she is who she is, in reaction to trauma. Toga was violently abused, Toga became violent, but it’s not who she is inherently. It’s who she thinks she is. 

Toga has internalize every bad thing every person has ever said about her. Toga not only foils Uraraka, she also foils Shigaraki. Toga has been convinced, that what she wants naturally, is to suck people’s blood, and kill them. The same way that Shigaraki has been convinced by AFO that he was naturally born with the urge to destroy others. 

These aren’t things that they have a natural inclination or desire to do, it was things they were told about themselves repeatedly. Shigaraki by AFO, and Toga by everyone around her. Even Toga’s initial incident of violence has a lot more in common with a psychotic break, then with you know, a pre-meditated murder that she did for pleasure. 

It’s not something Toga naturally did on her own, it was something she was pushed to do. Remember, Toga suffered twofold abuse. Abuse from her parents, but also psychiatric abuse. The people who were supposed to help her reconcile her quirk, and her unnatural tendencies didn’t try to heal her like they were supposed to. She was demonized by everyone around her, told what a bad girl she was constantly, not for anything she did wrong but because she was born naturally with a quirk. She tried to be good and smile for the sake of others, untils he reached a breaking point: then and only then did she lash out. 

Toga’s initial instant of violent wasn’t a pleasure killing. It was a lashing out due to a psychotic break, and it was because both of the systems in her life that were supposed to help teach her to learn to deal with emotions, quirk counselling this world’s version of child therapists, and her own parents, chose to demonize her and tell her to repress herself. 

However, children who are abused tend to internalize the words their abusers tell them. Children who are abused often believe they “deserve” their abuse because of their bad behavior. 

Now, I’m not trying to justify. I don’t think Toga Himiko is allowed to run around killing whoever she wants just because she was abused. My intent is to explain how her brain works. 

Toga Himiko doesn’t get to lash out as she pleased, but I think it’s important to understand that Toga’s lashing out is what makes her human. She’s not an inhuman monster, she’s a human reacting to circumstances. Most people exposed to ugly situations, react in ugly ways, and the few that don’t are the exception that proves the rule. 

My point being that Toga is not an insane monster that lusts for blood, she just believes herself to be one. The same way that Uraraka is wrong, Toga is also wrong at the same time.

Because as I said the above is right. Toga can’t live her life just lashing out. While it’s understandable, someone who has endured violence can’t keep lashing out violently forever. Toga’s choice to always lash out is just as unhealthy as Uraraka’s choice to always repress herself. 

Because Toga relies again and again on violence to vent her feelings, violence has become an inescapable part of her life. It’s also contrary to what she really wants. Toga thinks she wants violence, but the violence is just a reaction to the violent abuse.

Yes, Toga says all she wants is to drain people dry of their blood but characters are liars sometimes. 

Sometimes you can’t take a character at their word. Sometimes instead of reading something directly as stated line for line in the story you have to read between the lines. Toga says she wants to just kill people, but her internal thoughts contradict her.

What Toga needs is to be accepted, loved, and trusted like Uraraka is. That’s her deep internal desire that she states to herself when pushed to her absolute edge by Curious. What Toga thinks she wants is to drain the people she wants dry of their blood, so she can become them and live vicariously through them. What she thinks she wants is a life where she can do whatever she wants, and do as she pleases, in response to a life where she wasn’t allowed to do anything that she wanted. But, that again is a child’s idea of rebellion. It’s a response to her abuse, it’s not who she is. However, Toga’s personal development was forwarded not by killing people and draining them, but by the empathy and acceptance she showed towards Jin. 

There’s what she needs, what helps her develop into a more stable person, the empathy and care she shows to Jin. The acceptance Jin showed her in return. 

There’s what she thinks she wants, which is to just rebel against everything and always do what she wants in every single situation and accept no limitations on her personal desires. 

Toga is in fact just a normal girl, who wants to be accepted by the society at large, or at least find people who accept her. However, Toga doesn’t see herself as one, because she’s internalzied the idea that she’s the blood thirsty monster that everyone thinks she is. Which is why Toga contradicts herself. 

Toga in the same breath will say “I’m also a normal girl” and then “I’m a weird kid, I’m a weirdo, no one can understand me.” 

Toga cannot explain herself, because she’s wrong about herself. She’s making herself out to be a violent monster because that’s how she copes, the really really bad way she copes. It’s easier to be a violent monster, she’s more protected that way, then to be a runaway girl who’s just scared and alone. However, because Himiko can’t admit this, she also can’t explain herself to other people. She presents the monstrous version of herself and that’s all Uraraka can see. 

Neither Uraraka nor Himiko’s way of coping is sustainable. Uraraka cannot keep repressing herself forever, the same way Himiko cannot violently lash out forever. 

While what Uraraka says is very black and white, it’s not wrong. If HImiko is goign to live her life “Kill or Be Killed”, then she’s just as likely to end up being killed then she is to be the killer. There’s no happy ending to that kind of life.

However, there is no happy ending to Uraraka’s way of living either. Her perfectionist tendencies and her desire to only ever be good just aren’t going to work, because one a lot of bad things are going on already Uraraka just doesn’t see them, and two it’s not sustainable, Himiko was someone who held everything in too and look where that got her. 

Uraraka and Himiko’s talk failed because neither of them are capable of communicating right now. Uraraka can’t understand because she doesn’t try, and Himiko can’t explain herself because she also doesn’t try. 

Uraraka only sees what’s good about the world, about heroes. Himiko only sees what’s bad about the world, about heroes.  Uraraka sees the beautiful parts, Himiko embodies the ugliness. 

However they are both wrong because they are both short sighted. People are not just their shadows, and they’re not just their personas. They are both at the same time. 

A junagian shadow confrontation doesn’t end in a fight between good or evil. The shadow is not evil, the persona is not good. They are just two halves of the same person. Defeating a shadow does not make it go away. The shadow is something you have to learn to live with, the same way everybody on earth is flawed, and just tries to live every day working on their flaws the best they can.

The shadow is something that has to be reconciled.  Uraraka and Toga don’t have to defeat each other, they have to reconcile with one another. 

The narrative is pushing their reconciliaton because Toga and Uraraka both have what the other needs to grow. Uraraka is ignorant because she’s lacking experience. She hasn’t lived Toga’s experiences so she doesn’t understand her perspective. She doesn’t know, and she won’t know until someone explains it to her. However, saving as many people as possible means that Uraraka should also be open to trying to save people who react to abuse in ugly ways as well, because a person can be a victim and a villain at the same time. Uraraka will be a better hero if she’s able to see the flaws in her own society, because she’s a part of the next generation to reform society.

And Toga can’t become someone who is trusted by others if she’s violently lashing out all the time. The same way that Uraraka needs to see what’s bad about the world, Toga needs to learn to see what’s good about the world. The same way Uraraka needs to see both sides of the world, that of a villain girl and that of a normal girl. Toga needs to come to terms with herself, that she’s not a violent monster, but a normal girl. The only way she can stop lashing out and start actually taking responsibility for what she’s done and start on the path to self improvement is if she starts seeing herself as a person capable of improving. 

Toga wasn’t born this way she was made this way. She’s just a people, and people change. Toga can either try to change, or keep lashing out forever but at the moment she doesn’t even know that changing is an option for her. She thinks she’s going to be stuck as a monster forever because she was just born one. That’s why, Toga also needs Uraraka as much as Uraraka needs her. 

[ganymedesclock]

fic premise ask game: zote somehow makes his way to the lake of unn and they have a philosophical debate.

Ooooh, honestly I don't think I would've thought of that one on my own, but I'm invested in the idea now!

Like, it's hard to imagine Zote is unaware of the world around him- he clearly pays enough attention to navigate, and in the City of Tears he's unexpectedly insightful (he has a grumpy remark that there's no virtue in being over-devoted to your 'duty' which arguably led to a huge part of the tragedy throughout the game) so there's honestly a pretty good question how much Zote is aware of, how much he wants to be aware of, and what happens through the holes in his defenses when he hasn't made a justification as to how this is all his plan / ultimately about him.

Unn is a great "adversary" to pit him against, also; as far as we can tell she doesn't speak to anybody. She's a god that doesn't demand worship or impose at this point- she seems content to be fading even if this has some problems for her children who intend to go with her whenever she... passes, transcends (?) we're not sure. But she's also not an entity who needs to do any grandstanding or speechifying or giving orders to scan obviously as a god- the depths of greenpath are breathtaking. We meet Unn in game because of the inescapable feeling that something special is on the other side of that great acid lake and once we gain the power to cross it, the possibility's too tantalizing to escape.

It'd ultimately be almost a monologue, but not quite- Zote having to reckon with this grandiose entity and fumbling with his rationalizations, the narratives he feeds himself to keep going through a world that, in his mind, never loved him- in the face of something that may be the remains of one of Hallownest's ill-fated once-rulers. And Unn, at the same time, is reckoning with him; not because he poses anywhere near as great a dilemma to her, but because she's an entity in the process of losing her grip-deliberately, on reality- who is rejecting Radiance's course of action, who knows that even if it hurts to lose ground to more aggressive gods, to try and seize and dominate it for herself would lead to the anathema to life as she cherishes it.

Basically you'd be set up for a really, really good story about meaning-making, comprehension and storytelling. Bonus points if Zote has no idea what he's looking at because he stomped all this way, getting lost, past all the markers that tell of Unn and her children without reading them (if he could read them? I still feel like with how much he squints and that he tries to tell the story of vanquishing the vengefly to Ghost like they weren't there, that his eyesight may not be the best)

[eufezco]

🌨 EUPHORIA PARTY DAY 1🌨

MY FAVORITE SCENE FROM 1x01 :

In which you have to witness how Jules has to face Nate.

Nate went into McKay's kitchen like an angry bull going into a b. You wouldn't have even noticed his presence if it wasn't because he pushed everything off the kitchen counter onto the floor. You rolled your eyes, keeping your distance from him as he served himself a shot of whiskey.

"Get the fuck out of here!" He shouted throwing his arm into the air in such viontly way. Most of the people did as he say or at least stay as separated from the boy as they could. You noticed a girl with pretty pink and blonde hair. She was trapped between a corner of the kitchen and an angry Nate. She seemed unused to this kind of behavior and even more unused to Nate Jacobs so you made two guesses: she was new to the town or she hasn't been to a party in a pretty long time. "What the fuck are you looking at?" It looked like the girl didn't only catch your attention but Nate's too.

Nate approached the girl who was shocked enough to not be able to do anything else besides standing there. "Who are you?" You were definitely interested in the answer to that question but the scene that Nate was putting her through was as uncomfortable to see as it was being for her. "I'm Jules, I'm a friend of..." Jules. So that was her name. Pretty name, you thought. "A friend of whose? Cause you're not my fucking friend, so who are you fucking friends with Jules?" You wanted to intervene but your friends stood in front of you, like a big wall blocking your way. "Does anybody know who this is? Does anybody know who the fuck Jules is?" How was no one doing anything? Jules was looking around, uncomfortable and scared as fuck when her eyes met yours. Nate hissed, mocking the girl when no one stood up for her. "So who are you?"

"I'm just minding my own business. I'm not trying to star anything."

"Nobody that looks like you is minding their own fucking business. I know what you are." He was getting so close to Jules' face, making her lower lip trembled but her eyes never broke the eye contact with Nate's. "So what you want? Do you want some fucking attention? I'll give you some fucking attention." This was not only uncomfortable to see but disgusting too. Jules turned her face aside, scaping from Nate's which was getting closer every time he talked. "Is anybody here friends with Jules? Does anybody know who the fuck this bitch is?"

"Fuck you Nate!" You shouted behind your friends. Nate turned his head looking for the shameless person that interrupted him. "Fucking y/n. It always has to be the fucking y/n who stands up for the bitches huh!" He walked towards you, your friends leaving you exposed to him, oh so now they moved? "You better fucking tell me who this bitch is because you're both gonna get fucked up!" Nate stood between you and Jules, pointing at the blonde girl and threatening you. When Nate approached Jules again, she took a knife and aimed Nate. All the people in the kitchen watching the scene involuntarily stepped back. "You wanna fucking touch me? You wanna fucking hurt me?" She was holding the knife so tightly you could see the palm of her hand turning red. Nate walked backward, trying to escape from an armed Jules as he reassured her that he was joking.

"You have no fucking idea!" Jules raised her arm and slid the edge of the knife down her skin. You could hear people gasping and whispering some "what the fuck"s. Your eyes just went wide enough to assimilate what was going on. "You're a psycho!" Nate was now the one trapped between Jules and the kitchen counter, he was almost climbing up the worktop which was kinda funny to you. "I'm fucking invencible!" She replied to him as she let her bloody arm fall into Nate's shoulder. He finally escaped from the scene he started and Jules started to walk back, at first looking proud but then going back to reality and feeling a sensation of shame invading her body.

"I'm Jules by the way. I've just moved here." You nodded slowly, approving how the situation ended. You followed the girl outside of the house and you finally reached her when she was about to leave with her bike. "Wait, are you okay?" You pointed at her arm with your head, she nodded. "Oh yes, It's okay. I knew he was gonna get violent and I didn't want a fucking broken cheekbone or something." You understood her reaction, if it had been for you, you'd have definitely sunk that knife in between Nate's ribs.

"I'm y/n."

"I'm Jules."

You both shook hands. "Thank you for standing up for me tho." You shook your head. "It's nothing. Nate Jacobs is an asshole I hope you don't have to deal with him anymore because he really is the fucking worst." She giggled. Jules was so pretty, long blonde hair, and big eyes decorated with beautiful make-up and the best part was that she thought the same about you. Jules was trying to remember when was the last time she looked at someone that beautiful. "Hmm.... Where are you going now?" The party was getting boring so scaping with a pretty girl seemed so much fun than staying. "Home, probably."

"I got my car. I can drive you. I haven't drunk anything yet so..." She nodded, adding a "that would be great".

[outpost-31]

36 FOR THE FIRST ASK GAME AND I THINK 32 FOR THE SECON DONE FOR FAUSTA .......

36: (How does your character behave around people they dislike?)

simple! she just. doesnt. see, even if she's usually silent, she'll still interact with you . body language and listening to conversations and following along with anything you'd like to do. around anybody she dislikes she basically shuts down. stares. thats it . especially if she's forced to stay near them or interact with them. usually she keeps her distance and thinks to herself " god, I fucking hate that guy "

her lack of interaction with anybody keeps her from making enemies as much as friends, so she doesn't have to deal with drama, much. but she does have people she silently dislikes for some reason or another that she doesn't have the heart to be rude to . without naming names, the other emo kid in morioh she actively avoids .

.

22: (What is the worst thing your character has ever done?)

In reality? running away from home to leave her past behind. she still sees her missing posters, wonders if people are still looking for her

In her eyes? using her stand on tonio. she refuses to. it's not like it would hurt him, you don't even notice She Wants Revenge, but. she knows how other people react, how uncomfortable it makes them, and she refuses because she doesn't know what would happen to the good terms theyre on if she did.

she did once, though. back when she was first hired, when she first manifested it. she learned about his birth name, and massimo.. she hasn't used it around him since

[mcyt-amber-tftsmp]

𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐅𝐚𝐮𝐥𝐭... 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐖𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧'𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟... {𝐑𝐚𝐧𝐛𝐨𝐛 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫}

Request?: HeartsYeallow

Character: Ranbob

Side Character(s): Basically the rest of The Lost City of Mizu cast

Story-type: Starts out platonic but it's mainly Angst and a bit of fluff Romance but not too much

Story Length: 3455 words

AU or Not: AU of sorts but Ranbob being in his enderwalk when he went full-murder on the fishermen

Time Period: Future basically

Plot Summary: It the incident where Ranbob killed the fisher men but Y/n tagged along while the four were mostly exploring Y/n actually got to know Ranbob a bit then when Y/n saw he killed Cletus I believe she came to be uh scared but still knows hes not doing it and such, anyway time skip when its just Isaac, Charles and Y/n are the only one left alive and Ranbob trapped them but Y/n rushed her self to Ranbob and snapped him out of his murderous mind— and saving the others and she told the two to go ahead and leave Mizu and she'll catch up with and she talked to him and comforted him in a way

Small Info: Ranbob has the enderstate where he does things he doesn't know he does like the murders- and he didn't open up with anybody til Y/n come and her friends came to mizu also Y/N is like Isaac's little sister who's younger by two years with Isaac being 22 years old and everything else

Keywords:

Y/N = Your Name

Trigger Warning:

- Burning To Death Twice - Slight Blood - Small Panic Attack - Repeated Words - Mentions Of Death

Normal Warning: Cringey as heck-

--------------------------------------------------

Y/N's Point of View~

The only thing I could see outside while walking around the place was just water and the aquatic life going on with it's lives in water. Now people might be wondering, where the heck am I exactly? Well you see we are currently exploring an underwater city called the City of Mizu which happens to be the Underwater City of Beauty and they got the beauty part pretty much right!

Basically what happened is that my older brother, Isaac took me with his three friends to wherever they usually go until I found this book lying on the ground which talked about Mizu. So we basically decided to go over to explore the area and while doing so we met an enderman hybrid named Ranbob.

From what I know about him is that he's pretty socially awkward considering when he met us he was a bit nervous when he introduced himself and Cletus was practically making him uncomfortable by sniffing him or doing something which was annoying him. I would sometimes yell at Cletus to stop it saying that he's making him uncomfortable.

I mostly tagged along with Ranbob while Isaac, Cletus, Charles and Benji were exploring and walking around the place. I was able to get to know him a bit more which actually helped him talk to me freely without getting nervous or something.

He was actually a really nice guy even if he looked pretty intimidating and all. What I liked most was his heterochromatic eyes which on his right side was yellow and on the other it was purple. He was also pretty tall and handsome- okay moving on!

Yeah I may or may not have somehow fallen in love with him too. I don't know what it is but I guess I could say it was just us basically having a conversation together and getting to know each other so well and maybe it's his voice cause it's pretty calming and I like it. His voice is something I could fall asleep to if I wanted.

Right now we were just walking around in the library. My brother and his friends ran off somewhere looking through somethings while i was looking through names of books trying to see which one I could read and that was when a certain book caught my eye.

The cover of the book was black and it look slightly dusty like it hasn't ever been touched by anyone. I slowly took the book out of the shelf carefully so as to not accidentally make the other books drop from the shelf. I then dusted away the small dust particles as I looked at the book.

"The Enderstate?" I said in a small questioning and confused tone.

"I see you found this book." I heard a voice behind me which made me slightly jump as I looked to see it was Ranbob as I left out a huge sigh of relief.

"Oh it's just you and I did I guess? Do you know what's it about?" I asked as he stayed silent for a bit before he spoke.

"Well... How do I put this into words?" He said while looking pretty hesitant.

"The Enderstate or Enderwalk is similar to sleepwalking or dissociation, where endermen hybrids like me have little awareness of surroundings, and it may last for hours at a time. You could say that... we do things we don't intend on doing at times and we don't have control of ourselves in the process. You would have to knock or slap them back to reality... if it's possible." He said explaining as I listened though I did notice the slight nervousness in his voice which I shook off thinking it was nothing.

It was something pretty interesting to know considering I have never known about this. I eventually put the book back in its place as Ranbob continued with the tour. Later Isaac found small lever key which lead to a tree dome.

Isaac handed the key to Ranbob who led us down the hallway to a closed room. I saw Ranbob place the lever key in its place as he pulled it down as the door slowly opened to reveal a glass dome which consisted of a huge tree in the middle.

I stood awed as I looked at the tree. It was really beautiful. Isaac and his friends were just looking around the place as I stood in place but after a while I realized that Ranbob was nowhere near me. I didn't even know where and when he ran off.

I snapped back from my thoughts when I heard my brother yell as he pointed towards the tree saying that there is a chest on top of it. We were all trying to figure out on who would climb the tree to get the chest. We then decided that Cletus should go over to retrieve whatever was inside the chest.

As Cletus was about to go up, I heard Benji say something which made Cletus come back as they argued and Charles was trying to calm them down. I then heard Isaac say if I had seen Ranbob in which I shook my head since I had no clue where he was.

Then after a few minutes Cletus reached the semi-top of the tree saying he found the chest as he slowly opened it. Isaac asked what it said in their but then something caught my eye. I thought it was nothing but then I heard a voice which I recognized very well.

"People don't live after coming here. They die." I heard Ranbob said as he jumped down from God knows where as I noticed the fire on top of the tree.

"Is it on fire?!" I heard Isaac exclaim looking at the tree and looked at Cletus who was cornered at the edge of the tree.

Charles and Benji were telling Cletus to drop the book and to jump down but then I saw how Cletus was set on fire as Ranbob then pushed him back only for Cletus to fall to his death. I stood stunned and scared as I looked at Ranbob with fear but then I realized something.

What if he was in the enderstate? He wouldn't do this in general, right?! I had so many thoughts running through my mind but it was interrupted as Isaac grabbed my arm and ran out of the room. I was about to say something but he already pulled down the lever to trap Ranbob in the tree room.

Isaac read the book as he led us down to wherever we are supposed to go. After a few, we came to a room which had lava but there was something on top of the wall. Benji said that he would be the one to retrieve what was inside the chest as he jumped on the stone platforms as he slowly parkoured his way there.

I was too scared to look considering he was taking a huge risk parkouring over the platforms and if he accidentally missteps he will fall and burn in lava. I looked over at him to see he was doing fine and he was just two steps away from reaching the place.

But I may have spoken too soon cause I don't know what happened but Benji somehow tripped over the last step and fell towards the flowing hot lava. I saw Isaac running after him as he reached out a hand but it was too late. I choked back tears as I saw witnessed Benji burning to death. There was nothing we could do.

Then I saw Isaac give his books and other things he had to Charles saying that he was going to get to the top to retrieve the item in the chest. I widened my eyes. I couldn't lose him. He was the only family I had after our parents died.

"Isaac no! Please I can't lose you!" I said as Isaac gave me a hug.

"I will be okay just hold on for me okay. I promise." he said letting go as he took a deep breath and jumped onto the first platform.

I was shaking as he slowly parkoured over to the platforms. He looked pretty hesitant and scared knowing one wrong step and he will die. By the time I knew it he took the last step and reached the chest. I saw him take out something from the chest which looked like a lever key.

Isaac was saying that it was the final room key which could help us escape. Then he said that he was going to jump down from the slightly huge height as Charles said he would catch him. he took a deep breath as he jumped down and somewhat landed in Charles' arms as he fell backwards.

"Are you okay?" I asked as Isaac stood up only to slightly limp as I looked over at his foot to see that it was slightly bleeding.

"Not really but I will be fine. Are you alright Charles?" He asked looking over at the younger boy who nodded.

"Yeah just a little hurt in the head but overall okay." He said as he gave back Isaac's things as Isaac led us to the new room.

Isaac put the lever in it's place but stepped back a bit. I looked over to see he was looking really light headed as I helped him breathe as Charles helped. I could imagine that was very scary and the fact that we saw both our friends burn to death.

But I was still thinking if Ranbob was in his enderstate cause I don't think he would do something like this. Isaac told Charles to flip the switch but he then suddenly interrupted him form doing so as he said somethings.

"Okay I don't know what is in there but no matter what? We are gonna make it... For Cletus and Benji okay?" He said as Charles and I nodded.

Isaac then pulled down the lever as we entered the final room. The room was very unusual considering the amount of diamond armor was lined up on both sides of the walls along with diamond swords placed behind them.

The room was also decorated with green pillars and obsidian like walls. There were a few barrels and chests placed on the sides but they were all empty according to Isaac. Then he went over towards the white tiled steps which led to a glass window. I followed behind him to see what it was.

Behind the glass room was a marble statue of a man who wore armor and had a sword hung from the sides. The armor design was slightly hidden by the cape and he happened to wear a white mask. Charles then came up behind us to see what we were looking at.

"What the heck is that?!" He said as he looked at the statue.

"What is this...?" Isaac said looking at it.

"That is the weirdest thing I have ever seen..." Charles said.

"Looks like a cave." Isaac said as he looked over at a small opening from across the room which was definitely an exit.

I then heard small footsteps as I looked behind me to see Ranbob coming over with a netherite sword in his hands and he looked slightly dazed but I don't think anyone noticed that. I started to think this was something to do with the enderwalk state.

I looked over to see Isaac and Charles panicking like mad saying things about how he killed Cletus and all the other things that have happened recently. I seriously just stood and watched in shock.

"Everyone here had an idol that they worshipped. That's why the rooms were all themed like one of the idols from the past." He said stopping for a bit as Isaac spoke.

"Is yours Ranboo-" He was saying until he got interrupted.

"And mine was Dream!" He said I looked at him and then back at the window to look at the statue.

"Is that this man?" Isaac said coming towards the glass gesturing towards the statue as I noticed Ranbob coming towards us.

"Yes. Like I said nobody-" Ranbob responded in a monotone voice but was interrupted.

"Was Dream a good man?" Isaac asked slightly scared as he held onto my arm as Ranbob paused taking in his question.

"Yes yes he was a very good man..." He said as Isaac broke the glass as he stepped dragging me with him as he slowly let go but made sure I was near him.

"... Depending on what you think good is..." he said as Charles came in the room backing away from Ranbob who slowly came behind him.

"Nobody- nobody leaves here..." He said as I saw him coming slowly towards Charles.

"What do you mean nobody leaves here...?" he said as I saw Ranbob raising his sword and was about to strike Charles.

I couldn't let this happen so I broke into a sprint as I pushed Charles out of the way. I heard Isaac scream my name as I looked to see the sword about to hit me but I was quick enough to stop him as I grabbed him by the wrist with both my hands to stop him from hitting me but he was pushing back with a greater strength.

"Are you seriously asking for a death wish Y/N?! If so then that's what you will be getting." I heard Ranbob say as I felt my right arm burn in pain as I saw five claw marks as blood started to pool out from the freshly cut skin. I yelped in pain as tears welled up in my eyes but that didn't stop me.

"N-No... But I know the real Ranbob won't do this! Wake up! Just f***ing wake up Ranbob!" I yelled at him as tears streamed down my face as I made out the shocked expression on Ranbob's face.

I quickly kicked him on the knees with my foot as he lost his balance and that gave me the chance to punch him in the jaw as he fell to the ground slightly hitting his head first. I was at this point panting and breathing too hard. I thought I was going to die.

I looked over at Charles and Isaac who were shocked and confused. Then I looked at the sword as I kicked it out of sight. Then I heard a small groan as I looked over to see Ranbob slowly sitting up as he rubbed the side of his head with his right hand.

"W-what happened? Where-" He stopped himself as he had a look of realization as he noticed the netherite sword on the side and the fresh claw marks on front arm.

"D-did I-I... What did I do...?" He said looking pretty scared.

"What do you mean 'what did I do'?! You literally killed Cletus and nearly killed-" I heard Isaac yell as I stopped him.

"Isaac stop! He was enderwalking! He wasn't in control of himself and didn't know what he was doing!" I yelled back which made him stop as he in shock.

Then I heard heavy breathing beside me to see Ranbob looking down on his knees while his hands were over on the side of his head. He looked like he was having a panic attack and this made me worried.

"No no no no no no no. Not again not again not again. Please no I can't..." I heard him whisper repeatedly as he was in tears.

I looked over at Charles and Isaac who seemed to look at him in slight pity and worry. I knelt down to Ranbob's level as I put a gentle hand on his left hand hoping it would clam him down. I then looked at the two.

"Isaac? Take Charles with you and go ahead. I will catch up to you guys later." I said and I could tell Isaac was going to protest but Charles put a hand on Isaac's shoulder as he stopped and went over leaving both me and Ranbob alone in the room.

"Ranbob? Please look at me..." I said as he was still in tears as he slowly looked up but didn't make eye contact with me. He looked so broken that it made me want to cry.

"Ranbob calm down... it's alright." I said trying to reassure him but it seemed to make him upset.

"How is this okay Y/N?! I killed one of your brother's friend and the other died trying to help you guys get out and I nearly killed Isaac and Charles in here! I hurt you and nearly killed you!" He yelled out in frustration as he broke down in tears again.

I gave him a huge hug as he wasted no time to hug me back as he buried his head in my shoulder as i could feel it getting wet due to his tears. How long has this been happening? Was this the reason he was very nervous when he met us? He was scared that he would kill us.

"It's not your fault... You weren't in control of yourself..." I said as I could feel him lift his head as he looked at me.

"How can it not be my fault when I hurt and nearly killed the one girl I loved the most!?" He exclaimed as I looked at him shocked after hearing what he said.

He... loved me...? I didn't know what to say other than blush at his words. I looked at him to see his head down as he was scared to look at me thinking I was not going to return my feelings. I understood why he might be thinking this considering the things he has done. I hugged him back as he flinched at my sudden action.

"It's okay Ranbob... I love you too. It's okay." I said and I could tell he was in shock from my response not even expecting it.

He then slowly pushed me away form the hug as he made him face me and then he slowly leaned as he connected his lips with mine, kissing me. I slowly kissed back as I used my hands to slowly move away the tears from his face.

We gradually pulled away as he gently pressed his head against mine while I had my hand on the side of his head. I hated seeing anyone sad especially Ranbob. We sat in silence as we stayed in the same position.

"Please don't leave me..." I heard him choke out as I let out a small sigh.

"I promise i won't... I will always come back to you..." I said closing my eyes as we continued to stay the way we were.

"Things will get better for you Ranbob." I finished saying.

I prayed things would get better. I know they would!

I believe in him.

I love him so much for this.

--------------------------------------------------

[tuffluuhv]

I'm only up to S3 Ep4 of Cobra Kai but let's talk about it: -tuff talks- *tw, swearing, manipulation, therapy, abuse mentions* (I typed how I talk when I'm ranting and I'm angry cause I was angry when I wrote this)(I also recognise that therapy is a privilege and doesn't work for everyone)

I fucking hate Kreese. With a passion. With rage.

He's so.....*strangles air*

He prays on vulnerable, angry kids and turns them into his little foot soldiers. He's a fucking manipulator, and dare I say, abusive.

For instance! Paying for Tory's lessons or wtvr, SHES GONNA FEEL SHE OWS A DEBT TO HIM SO SHES NOT GONNA LEAVE HIM AND HE KNOWS THAT, THATS LITERALLY ABBAMSHHSVSBGSBSD

He tells Johnny "this is all for your own good, I never intended to hurt you" while doing the opposite of that on. I just- I really really really hope he fucks off at the end of this seasom or something omg.

I really want somebody to call him out on his bullshit and be like "hey bestie, that's not right" and he gets thrown into jail or something.

----

Okay so, Hawk. Mixed feelings but largely, Ew.

Granted he's being manipulated by a fucking psychopath but his actions are still atrocious. He's so, so, so angry at the world and while yes, getting that anger out in Karate is great, what's not great is him not talking about his feelings. Karate isn't helping him cope with his feelings and his anger, it's fueling it.

I don't know what he's actually angry at tho, like yes he was bullied, so was I bestie, doesn't make me a major fucking prick to everybody. Again, his anger is being fuelled and manipulated by Kreese, but I'm still angry at him.

He beat up this little kid from the carwash and stole his money??? Like what??? (Also they never went anywhere with this, it just happend and they moved on).

In addition- he transitioned from "nerd" to "dickhead" in the span of an exposed and I just- how??

I'm just very angry at this asshole, he needs a reality check :))))))

and probably therapy. all of them need therapy. except Kreese, fuck Kreese.

---

Miguel my beloved.

Where do we start.

I like him. As a charcater I think he's the most level headed, at least out of the teens. He doesn't really see shit as this or that, he sees the problem and how can we fix it and I just *sigh* I love when a character thinks objectively. Like yes please.

He sensed Kreese's bullshit from the start and I love it.

He apologises when he's wrong (most of the time), is loyal but respectful to others, is kind, is a family man, treats the romantic people in his life right. Good sir♡♡

At the end of s1 I got bummed out when he started acting like an angry prick, but then he started turning himself around. Then, at the end of s2 I was like yes!(when he gave Robby mercy) but then. Well. Robby happened. And I was like oh, oh no.

Overall I like this character, obviously.

---

Tory, bestie.

Now she's got a lot of shit going on in her life, so her rage is justified as the hand she's been dealt by the world hasn't been the best. However, her constantly blaming anybody but herself for situations she gets herself into? Aghhh! Annoying. And this is a common theme in these characters I find. They can't take blame, and be like "no actually, I did something wrong, I'm sorry", it always "you did this, you bitch!".

I don't like how she's in constant competition with Sam, they could be powerhouse besties but no, they're put against eachother over boys and Karate.

I think she needs to talk to somebody, a proffesional, about her feelings because again like with Hawk, Karate isn't helping her with her feelings anymore, it's fueling her rage.

---

I still have so many thoughts but I can't type and think them all right now.

Honorable mentions:

Demitri - overall I like his character, and I like the "nerd redemption arc" (although I don't think there always needs to be a nerd to popular transition) I like how he kicked Hawks ass, and stood up for the underdogs. My only concern going forward is that this popularity will go to his head and he'll become a cocky prick.

Johnny - many thoughts. Overall, therapy is needed, this man needs to rid that Kreese dickhead from his life, he needs to apologise for a lot of things and actually act on his apologies and a lot of people need to apologise to him. He really needs to sit down and hash shit out with LaRusso. He also really needs to sit down and actually TALK talk to Robby.

Sam - at first I thought she was a daddies money girl and I kinda still think that, only because her money privilege isn't acknowledge a lot. I think she can kick ass, I like that she now hangs out with the "nerds". I think she needs to look at things more objectively, things aren't black and white. I think her and Miguel and an okay relationship. Not bad, not great. It wasn't good because they couldn't be honest to the people in their life about who they were seeing, but it wasn't bad because they still communicate reguarly and respected and cared about each other.

Robby - dude. He was doing so well. I was rooting for him. Now I don't know how to feel. Like yes he's been fucked over in life, I'll give him that, so I can understand his emotions and reading behind his actions, but what he did was still not okay. But I can't help but feel bad and sorry for him ya know? Ahhh, I'm confused on how I feel.

---

Daniel L - hey bossman. He's cool-ish. Kinda level headed. I do think he can be petty and isn't very open-minded. I think he's over worked and stressed out. I think he doesn't see, I don't think eaither Johnny or him see how they influence these kids. I think he needs to take a break, breathe, then come back to it all. I do think he needs to apologise to a few people.

Aisha - I like her. (I dislike that she stuck around for Kreese tho)

Okay, that's all, I'll update you all when I finish the show :)

[bobasheebaby]

91 Lucifer prompts

Some of my favorite quotes from my favorite devil. (Cut at 15 cause it’s long.)

Lucifer Morningstar

1 “People don’t arrive broken. They start with passion and yearning until something comes along that disabuses them of those notions.”

2 “People don’t have power over us. We give it to them.” 

3 “The best thing to do is always to follow your greatest desire.”

4 “Sometimes we are what we are, and we should embrace that.”

5 “Desire shouldn’t be contained, it’s unnatural.” 

6 “Why do humans think they can rectify one evil with another?”

7 “Life’s too short to hold grudges.”

8 “Believe me, there is no winning when you play by a twisted tyrant’s rules.” 

9 “You shouldn’t have to change for anyone. And neither should I.” 

10 “I refuse to be a scapegoat for which something I bear no responsibility. It’s a theme in my life.”

11 “Trust me, I’ve been doing this a long time. I know evil.”

12 “If you desire something, just take it.”

13 “Trust me, if there’s one thing I know, it’s desire.”

14 “What I hate more than anything is a liar, a charlatan, someone who doesn’t believe in what they say.”

15 “Hell truly hath no fury like a man/woman scorned.”

16 “No one gives us the right… we take it.”

17 “Mmm, dangerous. NAME likes.”

18 “There was immediate danger. He/she was about to leave this man/woman completely unsatisfied.”

19 “When in doubt, go with the classics. That’s what I always say.”

20 “Guilt is such a useless emotion”

21 “Take a swing and I’ll shove that so far up your ass, you’ll have splinters in your stool.”

22 “What makes us vulnerable is often right under our noses.”

23 “Now tell me, what is it that you truly desire?”

24 “Well, maybe it’s like butt stuff. Easier the second time around.”

25 “It’s always the ones you least suspect, the ones you trust the most, that hurt you. They wait until your guard is down and then wham! In my case, it was tequila.”

Chloe Decker

26 “It’s better to move forward than stay stuck in the past.” 

27 “We can’t control what happens to us only how it affects us and the choices we make.”

28 “You have to stop taking responsibility for things that you can’t control.” 

29 “Sometimes we get along best with the people we’re most different from.”

30 “Pull yourself together. You look like a homeless magician!”

31 “It’s really not a good day for… your… NAMEness”

32 “You don’t save a marriage by sleeping with other people.”

33 “If you go looking for loopholes, you’ll always find them.”

34 “NAME’s not another guy/gal. He’s/She’s a weirdo.”

35 “As any parent knows, the best time to get things done is when everyone else is asleep.”

36 “I wasn't afraid of you.”

37 “I don't want you to see me like this. I know it scares you.” “No, that's... that's what I was trying to tell you. I'm not... I'm not afraid of you anymore.” “You're not?” “You see, this is what I'm talking about. It's so sweet. I'm going to puke.”

38 “I miss him/her. I mean, he/she pisses me off all the time. And there are so many things about him/her that ... that I find hard to accept, but I just have to believe I can find a way. Because ... I'd rather have him/her in my life than not.” “Well, then... I think you know what you need to do.”

39 “You're different than me. You're stronger. You could have run, but you didn't. Why didn't you?”

40 “It's not like you haven't always told me the truth. You know? So ... I think, deep down, I just ... I always knew.”

41 “Let's pretend for one second that you're someone else. Someone nice, someone mature.” “Ooh, I love role-play.”

42 “What, you're just gonna leave me here? In this part of town?” “You said you wanted danger.”

43 “Please tell me I'm hallucinating.” “Well, I am dreamy, but try to contain yourself.”

44 “You step out of line one time …” “You can give me a right-good spanking, I promise.”

45 “This cannot be true. Can it? I mean ... if you knew this, why wouldn't you say something? I mean, I almost married him/her. I mean, I almost married him/her.” “I tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen.”

46 “Oh, my God. Did the world just turn upside down? Did you just admit to being wrong?”

47 “You know, it can be scary sometimes, but ... being who you really are is never a bad idea.”

48 “I need you to stay here and watch your dad/mom.” “That's true. Without the two of us, he’s/she's defenseless.” “I don't know if I like what you're whispering about.”

49 “How long have I been out?” “Three years.” “What?!” [NAME starts laughing] “You’re such an ass.”

50 “I couldn't sleep last night, so I stayed up all night working, and, you know, I drank a lot of caffeine. Like, a lot.”

Mazikeen Smith

51 “If you go by someone else’s pace, it shows how much you really care.”

52 “Sometimes you have to accept when someone doesn’t feel the same way about you.” 

53 “Self-worth comes from within, bitches.” 

54 “I would never ask you to change. I like who you are.” 

55 “Hey! No one calls my skank a skank.” 

56 “Good. It's settled. Now, where do I put my knives.”

57 “Okay. One, I like to fight when I'm happy or ... horny. And, two, I really don't want to accidentally kill my best friend.”

58 “Maybe next time, I won't be around to save your ass.” “Mm! Well, that is a shame. 'Cause you and my backside used to get on very well. My front side, as well, actually.”

59 “And your name?” “NAME.” “How do you spell that?” “Surprise me.” [Later gets coffee with "WRONG NAME" on it]

60 “Everything that happened showed me exactly why I need to go back.” “I don't understand.”

Linda Martin

61 “Emotions are hard, but that’s why they make you strong.” 

62 “Goodness isn’t a toy.”

63 “Sometimes we need to lose something to understand its value.”

64 “Sometimes it’s easier to make intimate issues about something bigger than yourself.” 

65 “I find people who are rude usually feel powerless in their own lives. Terrified of not being in control.”

66 “Look... I know I'm not dad/mom, or partner or whatever. But I ...” “No. No, you're not. Come here. You are Uncle/Auntie NAME. And you will always ... be a member of this family.”

67 “Let's talk about what you're dealing with emotionally.” “Yeah, I really don't want to.”

68 “Why is he:she able to refuse my charms? I mean, is this thing on?” [points at him/herself] “Yes, yes. Definitely on.”

69 “How's that saying go? We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars.”

70 “Should've seen that one coming.”

Amenadiel

71 “We need the most love when we’re being most unlovable.” 

72 “No matter how bad things get, the true test is how we choose to respond to the pain. We suffer, or inflict.”

73 “Cosmos are yummy.”

74 “If you really want to know if you’re a worthy romantic partner, ask yourself.”

75 “NAME. What are you doing here? Did you hurt NAME?” “Only when he/she asked me nicely.”

Ella Lopez

76 “Whenever I’m procrastinating on something, I make an appointment for myself to do it. That way, can’t back out.”

77 “You see what I'm dealing with?”

78 “Hey. No one insults my family, except for me.”

79 [high on "candy"] “I know I should be freaking out right now, but your hair is so shiny.”

80 I'm usually not into reality shows either. I prefer more, you know, scripted-content, documentaries, but... I've got a little extra time these days, so... sort of kind of watched, uh, 27 seasons in two weeks.

Dan Espinoza 

81 “We all need someone to have our backs every now and then.”

82 “Ooh, lemon bars. My favorite. Mmm. Oh, man, these are amazing. Who made 'em?” “Uh, NAME did. Would you believe that hunk bakes?” [spits out the bars] “On second thought, who needs the empty calories?”

83 “Say you fall in love with a man/woman who has a cat. What are you gonna do? You accept the cat.” 

84 “Are you sleeping with this idiot?” “He/She hasn't had the pleasure, unfortunately, no.”

85 “Dude, I cannot deal with your weirdness right now.”

Trixie Espinoza

86 “We’re wearing the same shirt!” [both] “Sushi shirt!” [from around the corner] “I don’t know what’s going on out there, but I hate it!”

87 “I ate it.” “Mm-hmm.” “But NAME said it was okay.” “Oh, really?” “He/She said, if you really want to do something, you should. And I really wanted to eat some chocolate cake.”

88 “Are you looking at a no-no site?” “No. Why would you think that?” “Because you put it away so fast, and you look really, really guilty.”

89 “NAME, sever their Achilles first. If they can't walk ...” “They can't betray you.”

90 “You need to get a thicker skin. Stand up for yourself, because the truth is, nobody’s gonna do it for you.” — Charlotte Richards

91 “Anybody worth dating should understand everything that makes you … you.” — Ev

[makiema]

Snk 123 and “Family”

Imo Yams deliberately emphasized on “family” during the EM talk and not made it a direct confession like with Falbi, to make the message sort of more universal for Eren. Like, family to him is all the people featured in 123, people he grew up with in Paradis. The final affirmation he needed before dirtying his hands rightly comes from the closest family member— Mikasa but I think what Eren realised is that, not only Mikasa, but all of them always genuinely loved him and cared for him.

All the superficiality like the Ackerbond and Titan Powers don't matter— Mikasa associates herself with him because she genuinely cares about him as family, and in a broader context, the same goes for all the others. This also explains Eren's eyes lighting up for a brief moment here in Chapter 105 right after Levi expresses his hurt and his utter disbelief regarding Eren's actions.

It is because Eren realizes how much they all love him simply for who he is and doesn't see him only as a victory machine and/or a savior. And this is exactly why he can't afford to sacrifice them, like he said before ; they're just too important and more than anybody else, because they know love. Love without the bounds of expectations and conditions.

And he loves them too, just as much as they love him; he even explicitly states that he wants them to live long, happy lives. In Chapter 123, that is exactly the vision that Eren gets when they engage in their drunken shenanigans. He observes them, he smiles assured because that is the image he knows he'll be fighting to protect from there on out— the image of happy families in Paradis with no fear of an impending danger that threatens to wipe them off the face of Earth forever. He feels too strongly for all of them and this deep, almost familial bond that he has formed with everyone in Chapter 123 over the years is what directly influences his last monologue.

Hence, the stress on “where I was born and raised.” The words carry strong familial connotations. Eren's choice was difficult. More so, because Falco and Reiner are people like him, those who wanted nothing more than creating a safer future for their families. This is why Eren is truly empathetic towards them. He understands.

But, when we're almost instantly yanked back into the grim reality that there can't be any appeal for appeasement with Marley, right after Mikasa says “you're family” and all the squad have a merry time, we're reminded that it's really one or the other.

It's up to Eren to choose: to give up on his own family (by pitying the rest of the world) or to protect them against the world. And he chooses what he'd regret the least, he chooses to protect his own.

On a side note, the fez haired kid reminded Eren that the world hasn't changed in 2000 years- he was affronted by the oppressive society just like Ymir had been in Chapter 122 and if Levi hadn't interceded for him, he'd be abused like Ymir too. I think this confirmed for Eren how oppressive governments that hold too much power will always continue to victimise and abuse innocent, naive children. It's a cycle of oppression that won't end, no matter the era in such a corrupted world. The world did not present him a middle ground. He found no hope there. Only war lust and racism. All of it culminated in him deciding to go ahead with the Rumbling because even after staying in enemy territory for so long, even after experiencing the world, he discovered nothing positive- it's just hate, inhumanity and oppression. He found nothing that suggested an improvement from Ymir's times. So, it can be said, that in the end he chose the hell of doing away with the entire outside world because that's the only way he can save his own little world- his family that raised him and loved him; he would take all the blood in his hand if it meant his people would have a future where they are free from oppression. What drives Marley to commit ethnic cleansing is pure abhorrence of the Eldian race. But, what drives Eren is his infinite love and tenderness for Mikasa, for his friends and for all his people- his extended Eldian family. He has been saying it from the very beginning: nobody has the right to take our birthright and our freedom away from us. And that's exactly the essential line of thought he's still following.

From a moral pov, it isn't right. Eren knows that. But like I've said before too, morality and freedom are two very different ideas and more than often, one doesn't comply with the other. Eren sees his reality as free or unfree and his actions are inspired from love for his people and are intended for achieving freedom. They have nothing to do with ideals. He knows there's no right or wrong if we take in consideration the narratives of both the sides. He knows Marleyans have enough reasons to justify their antipathy for Eldians just like, Eldians are not wrong in enforcing their right to life and freedom. That's why he doesn't sugarcoat anything and directly tells Reiner he might just destroy the world before waging war against Liberio. He knows exactly what he is doing. He's still chasing freedom, chasing a better and secure future for his people. He won't let his family die for naught. He isn't prepared to sacrifice them. And sacrifice them for what? Peace? Justice? There is no peace or justice in the outside world. Even if there are no Eldians, there'll be other refugees who'll have to take Marley's shit. (This point is proved by the fez haired kid) So is sacrificing his family for such a cruel outside world really worth the price? What does it matter if they're majority? Majority can be in the wrong too and their number certainly doesn't justify all their ill doings.

In conclusion, it would be genocide either way, the numbers don't matter. Either a small race of people take the brunt of the world or Eren does away with the world. None of the two course of action is ideal but at least, we can say after Chapter 123 that Eren is acting out of love for his family, but Marleyans are acting out of plain spite.