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heywardsarchive · 4 years

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Before You Go - [Harry Potter]

Warnings: angst, grief, death, insecurities, anxiety, sadness, alcohol, if I missed any pls let me know!

Summary: Harry lost his lover to the second wizarding war and his mind is uneasy and filled with regret and sadness as he goes through the last of her belongings.

a/n: Letters are in bold and italics, memories are in italics

Word count: 2.3k+

Based off of ‘before you go’ by Lewis Capaldi for @iliveiloveiwrite‘s songfic challenge! I hope you like it:)

Pairing: Harry Potter x female reader

*****

Harry sat on the sofa of his apartment, nursing a bottle of beer in one hand, staring, dazed at the television screen, not paying attention to the movements of the characters. His mind was wandering. The war was over but he was still reeling from the effects of it. He lost so many people he loved, it wasn't his fault but he couldn't help but blame himself. If only he was quicker, smarter. If he didn't let voldemort in he could have stopped sirius from dying. If he just surrendered himself to the dark lord, he could have stopped Fred's death, remus' and tonks too. So many others would have been saved.

The deaths of Fred, Sirius, Remus, Hedwig and others killed him inside but none hurt him as much as hers did. Y/n l/n. The only woman he truly loved. He loved her with every inch and fibre of his being. There was no part of him that didn't ache for her touch. He didn't want her to die. He would have done anything to stop her death, but he couldn't help it.

He tried convincing himself that he hated her. Hated her for leaving him, hated her for saving his life giving her own instead. Hated her for putting his life over her own, which in Harry's eyes was a hundred times more worthy then his. He tried, but he knew he was just kidding himself. How could he hate someone as perfect as her? She put everything above herself.

Every memory of her faded in his mind. All harry could think of was what he should have said when he had her in his arms, feeling her touch on skin. Staring into her (e/c) eyes. Shining with love looking into his emerald green ones, her fingers in his unruly raven hair. If he thought hard enough, he could still feel her lingering touch. But it wasn't enough. He thought of everything he could have said to her. How he could have told her that he loves her, how he wanted to marry her one day, have children of she wished, how he would give everything and everyone to the devil for her. But alas, there were many things that were left unspoken.

Regret. That was all Harry felt. No other emotion but sadness, grief and regret filled his body. He didn't know how much you were hurting inside, too wrapped up in his own head, forgetting the one he loved. Y/n took care of him although she herself was broken, beyond repair with the heartache she had suffered. Losing her older brother and parents to a death Eater attack wasn't easy on anyone. She smiled like nothing was wrong, it was as if everything was okay in her life, as if no pain filled her heart . Her smiling face plagued Harry's mind. They said time can heal, but that was a would that Harry doubted would ever heal.

Harry wished that there was something he could have said to her before she died and left him and all others behind, going to a happier and safer place, or so Harry liked to think. In his eyes, she deserved nothing but love and support. He wished he was more present in her life, wishing he could have done something to ease her pain.

He took another swig of the beer in his hand and closed his eyes. He thought that her death was worse than anything in the world, but in reality it was the idea that she died hurting inside, completely broken and with the thought that she was alone was what killed him more.

He walked to his room clumsily, not really drunk but a bit tipsy. He walked to his dressing table and removed a box from the drawer. He lifted the lid and went through the contents. It was the last piece of y/n that he possessed. Having no kin left behind, she left all her belongings to Harry, Ron and Hermione.

In the box Harry pulled out a few letters addressed to him. He opened the first one and read it for the tenth time since he got it. It was dated 1994, their fourth year. As he read the contents, his mind flashed back to the day the incidents occured. He remembered it clear as day, the Yule ball. He was clumsy and didn't know how to dance, but with y/n as his date, how could he not have fun?

Dear Harry, I know I will never have the guts to send you this letter, but maybe one day you will get to read this.

Today you took me to the Yule ball, we went as friends, I guess we'll never be anything more than that. I guess that's ok though, atleast I can still be around you. Wait, that's creepy. But you get the picture right? I really like you Harry. I want nothing more than to be your girlfriend but I don't know if you even like me that way. Maybe I'll confess to you one day, who knows? You looked really good today Harry. In the green dress robes, they really bring out your eyes. We matched too! Mother sent me a dark green dress which I love. I hope I get to wear it soon. Hermione is calling me to sleep now, I will see you tomorrow Harry. Lots of love, Yours, Y/n.

Harry closed his eyes and a tear fell from his eyes onto the paper, blotting the ink. He missed the way you smiled when you read a good book, or danced along to sweet music, or how you convinced him to make a snow Angel when it snowed back in 5th year. The memories filled his mind, he didn't know if he was happy about it or if it was too painful to remember.

It was 4th year, the Yule ball was in a few days. Harry still had not got a date. There was only one girl he had eyes for but he was tok afraid to ask her. He saw multiple boys her out but she seemed to decline all of them. He gathered his gryffindor courage and walked up to y/n. "Hey, y/n do you wanna go to the ball with me?" She was about to reply when Harry's nerves kicked in and he quickly added, "as friends ofcourse." He noticed her face fall but he didn't think much of it. "Yes Harry, I'd love to." She smiled and walked to her next class. Harry stood there happy that she agreed but also internally slapping himself that he asked her as friends when he wanted more.

Harry then remembered the time her asked her out, it was their fifth year and y/n had stood up for him against the toad face umbridge. He had to resist the urge the urge to kiss her then and there during class.

Harry stopped y/n outside class. He grabbed her hand and pulled her aside. "Harry, what's up?" She asked him, cocking an eyebrow. "I actually have to ask you something." She gestured for him to go on. "Willyougoonadatewithme?" Harry looked hopefully. "What did you say?" She looked confused. Harry took a deep breath. "Will you go on a date with me?" He repeated, slowly. "Yes." She grinned. "I have potions now, but I will catch you later." She kissed Harry's cheek and left. Harry watched her retreating figure with a smile on his face and his hand on the spot where she kissed him.

Harry was now lying on the bed rummaging through the box, finding y/n's belongings. His breath hitched when he found the pendant that he gave her in their sixth year for their one year anniversary. All their memories filled his mind and all he could think of was y/n's face, which in his opinion was the most beautiful face in the world.

He closed his eyes, dropping the box in the process. He bent down to pick up the contents when he saw a picture fall out of a book. It was a picture of him and y/n. He smiled at the sight of the picture. It was taken in their sixth year after he told her he loved her. He missed the old days when things were a bit better.

He opened the diary and flipped through the pages. It had notes on y/n's life, some random pictures here and there. Harry then reached the date may 25th 1997. It was the date she lost her whole family. He read the words written with blue ink. Each word on the paper was a gaping wound on his body issuing life blood.

I lost everything today. I don't know why I am writing this down but maybe it will help me cope. I can't break down now. I need to stay strong for Harry. For Ron and Hermione too. They're counting on me. I have to fight with my life against that horrid dark lord. I have to. To avenge the death of my family.

I can't be weak. Not now. I can deal with my own problems later on, after the war. I can't let my anxiety and insecurities take over my mind. Not now. Not now.

Once the war is over, things will get over. I know Harry can defeat him. I belive in him. He's so strong, faced so much loss at such a young age. I could never survive that much trauma. I admire his strength, I wish I was that strong. No point dwelling in my faults now, we have a war to win.

Harry shut the book, unable to read further. He didn't understand why y/n felt that way. She never showed it. He couldn't comprehend how someone so strong and brave could put themself down like that. She called him brave, when he was far from that. He kept lashing out, removing his anger on everyone. But she didn't do that, she didn't cry, kept everything inside for his sake. She was the strong one in the relationship not him. Harry felt guilty once again, like it was his fault. He felt he didn't do enough to help his love out of her cage of insecurity.

Harry wished he had done more, said more and stopped her hurting, or reduced it. He wished there was a way for him to reach her once and ask if he could have stopped her pain. He blamed himself for being distracted, leading her to let herself be taken instead.

Harry was dueling a death Eater, not paying attention to what was happening around him. Another death eater snuck behind up behind him and blasted the wall he was standing in front of. Y/n saw him and pushed Harry out of the way, taking the brunt of the falling bricks herself.

"No!" Harry cried, pushing the bricks away from her frail body. "No no no." He whispered. He finally freed her from the bricks and cracked her in his arms. A few tears rolled down his cheeks. "Don't cry Harry." This only made the tears fall faster. "I'm not worth your tears haz." She weakly reached up and wiped the tears off his dirty face. "Why?" Harry croaked. "You didn't have to die for me. I don't want you to die for me." He cried. "Oh Harry, I'd give my life a thousand times over to save yours. I'll love you forever and always. No matter what, I'll always watch over you."

"Don't leave me." Harry pressed a feverish kiss to y/n's lips, forehead, hair , cheeks. She was getting colder every minute. "I'll always be with you. In here." She placed her hand on his heart and smiled. Her hand become limp and dropped down. Her last breath of life taken. Harry freely cried over her dead body.

When voldemort called Harry to his death, he freely went, knowing it was right. He had to avenge the deaths of all those who were killed in the war. But a small part of him yearned to see y/n's smiling face again, and he hoped that he would see her again when he was no more. So he went, went with a brave face to the one he loved most.

Harry sat down on his bed, leaving the box aside. As he closed his eyes he wondered if there would have been a different outcome, a butterfly effect of sorts, if he hadn't been so closed off. If he let his walls down, been vulnerable around y/n, maybe she wouldn't have felt so alone and weak. If he let her in fully he could have let her know that he too was weak in a way, he too needed to let out his emotions. But it was too late now. She was gone and there was nothing Harry could do about it.

He drifted of to sleep, one thought lingered in his mind. If there was something he could have said to make it all stop hurting her. If he could have eased her mind before she went. It truly killed Harry how y/n's mind could make her feel so worthless.

But she was gone. There was a gaping hole in Harry's heart, one that could only be filled by love from y/n. But she was no more with him. He would never hear her voice again, never feel her touch, all that was left in him was guilt, regret and sadness and there was nothing anyone could do to fix it. *** A/n: I am so sorry for the angst, I hope I didn't break y'all too much;) I will be posting a new year fic tomorrow!

It's new years eve y'all! I hope you guys have a fantastic new year and here's to hoping 2021 is better than 2020!

#harry potter x reader #iliveiloveiwrite3.5k #harry potter angst #harry potter x you #harry potter x y/n #harry potter x reader angst

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theunsinkablesappho · 4 years

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AC: Valhalla - Thoughts on King Styrbjorn

So this is almost certainly my profession influencing my views on fandom, but having now played The Prologue and The Battle for the Northern Way twice (and watched them SEVERAL times), I have very complicated views on Styrbjorn. Specifically, on his relationship with Eivor.

He is very sweet with Eivor in the Prologue, telling her that he is now pledged to her, forever more. And that's a very sweet gesture from a king to a little girl.

But then we flash forward to his interactions with young adult Eivor, whom he has raised after the loss of her parents. And the relationship is clearly strained. Eivor defies him, and does so without fear of the consequence, so I think it is fair to say that he has not been brutal toward her. To me his conduct, and Eivor's, speaks more to distance than authoritarianism. And yet, it begs the question that if he is so distant why did he even adopt her?

My theory is that it was motivated from a sense of duty. I think that Styrbjorn liked and respected Varin and Rosta. Even more than that, I think the Styrbjorn that adopts Eivor is very much NOT the Styrbjorn we meet later. I think his motivation in adopting Eivor was a mix of fidelity and generosity.

As for where it went wrong, why it seems so ass-sideways when she's grown... my theory on that is the trauma. Assuming that Styrbjorn knew Eivor before the night her parents died, he likely knew her as a curious but friendly, well-mannered child. That seems to be the child we meet in the Prologue - Eivor is clearly well-loved by her parents and it shows.

So that is the child that Styrbjorn is expecting to adopt.

It is not the child he gets.

Instead he gets a deeply traumatized 9 year old little girl. One who's entire world was, literally, butchered in front of her very eyes. One who can probably see, smell, and hear the final seconds of her parents' lives. And the lives of so many people she'd known. (We do know that quite a number of her clan do survive. Gunnar, Tove, Holger, and Svala, for example, were all present that night and yet survived. Not sure which clan Tove, Holger, and Svala were representing, but Gunnar appears to be a member of Eivor's birth clan. But enough of the clan died that it ceased to exist and survivors were absorbed into the Raven clan.)

And here is the thing about trauma, especially in children: it comes out in all SORTS of ways. Ways that even now, in 2020, with everything we know about the manifestation of trauma, you would never think to connect to trauma. (Did you know that trauma in children can look like ADHD? It can! And it is not uncommon for it to be misdiagnosed as ADHD.) And we're talking about the 9th Century here, in a culture where blood and death were part of daily life. They knew almost nothing about the effects of trauma.

Let's just be very blunt here: Eivor CLEARLY has what we now call PTSD. And I can prove it. When she picks up her Father's axe and she literally HEARS her Mother and Father's final words? THAT is what being triggered is: That is called a flashback. In that scene Eivor has been triggered. She isn't "imagining" it, she is RELIVING it, and you can see that shit on her face.

So you've got a 9 year old little girl with trauma symptoms probably oozing from every pore of her body. And PTSD can show up in ways that those outside of the professional fields find very very odd.

I think part of what happened (and quite frankly, this is something that happens NOW with adoptions, even intra-familial adoptions, so it is not at all a "judgment" on Styrbjorn. This is observation) is that Styrbjorn was expecting to adopt Varin's Good Girl Baby Drengr and what he got instead was a broken child who probably vacillated erratically between being absolutely desperate for his time and attention and defying anything and everything he said or did. A child who may have become both extremely aggressive with those around her and yet extremely sensitive to even the slightest of criticisms. One who probably stopped acting like a 9 year old (whatever the cultural expectations of a 9 year old were at the time) and quickly started acting MUCH younger. A girl who cried easily, didn't sleep or slept too much, withdrew from those around her, had frequent severe nightmares, and was likely preoccupied with the death of her parents. She may have developed some weird obsessions (particularly surrounding matters of death), started stealing things, become extremely inattentive, etc.

It would not be at all surprising for him to not be remotely prepared for this sudden and massive shift in Eivor. Unable to explain it, understand it, or cope with it, he proceeded to handle it very poorly and it damaged his relationship with Eivor (I think could argue that it also seems to have damaged his relationship with Sigurd.) Eivor's devotion to Sigurd, which tbh can be a little extreme, indicates to me that she latched onto Sigurd and not Styrbjorn.

That said, clearly SOMEONE in that village managed to help Eivor process her trauma. Somehow. Because while Eivor still clearly has PTSD and a lot of unresolved issues surrounding the loss of her parents, she's... actually pretty well-adjusted all things considered. She's pretty emotionally healthy, OVERALL.

#Assassins Creed #Assassins Creed Valhalla #AC Valhalla #Eivor #Styrbjorn #psych #mental health #PTSD #Trauma in children #PTSD in children

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arty-e · 4 years

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Kellan’s Story Part 2

Kellan and Jana lived together happily with their son Seth in the Hearts palace for six years. Jana was still felt out of place and not properly seen as part of the Heart Royal Family despite Kellan’s efforts. He had fought for her to be recognised as his wife and to be seen as a Princess of Hearts but his mother had refused the title of Princess. However she did recognise her as Kellan’s wife and Seth’s mother:

Lezabel’s health began to falter one day and she came down with a very serious sickness that many feared would kill her. Her wife and children tried to support her during this time with Kellan taking on more responsibilities than he had before. Many people suspected he was preparing himself for his mother’s death and his eventual crowning as the next King of Hearts. Luckily Lezabel recovered however she was left weaker than she had been before:

With this sudden sickness Lezabel began to worry for Hearts and Kellan. She knew too well how sudden death was having lost her and mother in a war and her second husband to a random disease, all sudden and unsuspecting. With this fear she tried to think of ways to make sure that Kellan becoming king went smoothly after her death that would lead to a successful future for him and his family. However Lezabel stumbled upon the problem of Jana and where she would fit. It didn’t make sense for her to be the next Queen of Hearts, she wasn’t educated enough in general and didn’t know how to rule a Kingdom, nor was she well liked especially within the nobility posing as a danger to both Kellan and Seth. During Jana’s life in the palace the two had grown accustomed to one another with Lezabel even ending up liking her son’s wife. She went to Jana to explain her dilemma and Jana agreed with her. They both thought it was wise that Kellan picked a future advisor who would take the title of Queen of Hearts but Jana would still be recognised as his wife and the mother of the future king:

After their conversation Lezabel requested that Jana be the one to speak with Kellan as Lezabel and Kellan had discussed this in the past and each time it had not ended well. Plus Kellan had been fighting for years for Jana to be recognised as a royal like him and their son to no avail. Jana went to her husband and attempted to talk to him about the very serious situation of his future succession and who he should appoint. Kellan refused to listen and even refused to believe that Jana wanted someone else to take her ‘right’ to be the Queen of Hearts. When Jana let slip that she had talked with his mother beforehand his anger and annoyance was directed to towards her. One day as Lezabel held court with all her Nobility, Kellan called his mother out and embarrassed her in her court and got angry claiming how she uses her power over Jana to try and convince him to do things and even claimed she threatened Jana’s life (which had never been the case). This ended reigniting Lezabel’s hatred for Jana as she thought she told Kellan about her trying to convince him to get an advisor for Queen of Hearts and made up lies she was threatening her when it really was just Kellan:

Jana noticing Lezabel’s change of attitude towards her and learning about what Kellan had done confronts him. The two argued about Kellan lying about his mother threatening Jana and how Jana had agreed with his mother not believing she was fit to be the next Queen of Hearts. The argument ended with the two in tears and Jana leaving to see her sister and her family to give her some distance. This was first time Jana left the palace without her husband or son in the six years she had been married to Kellan. News got around the Hearts Court about Jana ‘running away’. When it reached Lezabel how Jana left after a little argument and she only got more worried about Jana’s fitness to be Queen. Even Kellan was angry with Jana for leaving. When Jana finally returned to the palace she could easily tell that she was hated by everyone again even Kellan. She hid herself away and focused her time and energy on looking after Seth:

With Jana distancing herself from everyone even from Kellan along with Kellan’s anger, Lezabel grew more and more nervous about the future of her kingdom and her family. The fear of a sudden death and leaving her people vulnerable to a wishy-washy future Queen of Hearts who would just leave when things got a little difficult Lezabel made the ultimate decision to remove the problem that was causing all her anxieties:

Jana had tried to approach Kellan and talk about what happened but his anger got the better of him and started another fight isolating Jana further. However when Kellan’s anger began to subside and realise what he had done had endangered Jana he began to feel guilt for her isolation from everyone else.

That night Jana was alone with Seth playing a together when a servant that Jana didn’t recognise came into their room. Jana, being suspicious and wary of this person, quickly hid Seth under the bed and told him to be quiet. Jana tried to confront the servant only to be stabbed in the stomach. The servant quickly fled as Jana fell to the floor bleeding out. Seth rushed to his mothers side panicking only for her to die right before his eyes. His screams for his mother rung throughout the palace alerting the guards and Kellan who rushed to their room only to find Seth crying over his mother’s body, now without her mark:

Jana’s death left Kellan distraught and Seth traumatised who often woke up crying and screaming from having nightmares of his mother’s murder. Kellan isolated himself away from everyone and was often found next to Jana’s body as they prepared it for her funeral. He blamed himself that someone went after her and felt he had failed her. Kellan’s sister, Sara, took care of Seth during this time and had tried several times to get Kellan to step up and look after his son but he was too grief-stricken to do anything, he even struggled to look after himself during this time. Lezabel was by his side comforting most days as he cried about the loss of his wife:

Kellan invited Jana’s family to her funeral who were equally upset about her death. Jana’s sister blamed Kellan for Jana’s misery and death and even slapped him in her angered grief which he did nothing about. Other than Jana’s family no one else came, Lezabel and Odina refused to attend and Sara only attended to be there for her brother and nephew. During the funeral, after Jana had been cremated, Jana’s sister approached Seth offering him to come with her and her family away from the palace. Seth feeling unsafe and scared in the palace agreed. Sara was about to argue on the behalf of her brother to keep Seth in the palace as he was still second in line to the throne after Kellan but Kellan stopped her saying he can’t let Seth stay there scared he was gonna to be killed as well. Kellan cries as his son is taken away:

Sara looked out for her brother as best as she was able. Though she personally never cared for Jana she was absolutely heart broken at how destroyed her older brother was over her death. A few days after Jana’s funeral Sara confronted her mother questioning why she wasn’t there when Kellan needed her during Jana’s funeral. The two argued and during the argument Sara began to piece together that Lezabel had been the one who ordered for Jana’s death and was outraged by her mother’s cruel actions. However she promised not to tell Kellan as she didn’t believe he could cope learning that his mother was the reason his wife was dead and his son had left him:

A year goes by and Kellan was still mourning how his family had been torn apart and he had no luck in finding who Jana’s killer was which frustrated him to no end. He found dead end after dead end. Sara had tried to convince him several times to bring Seth back to the palace but Kellan refused as he wanted to find the killer first in order to make sure Seth was safe from anyone that was after him as well. However he was unable to find the person who killed Jana, nor could he figure out the true motive behind her murder:

Sara watched her brother tear himself apart trying to find the reason his life had fallen apart and felt she was unable to do anything to truly help him. As each day passed she grew more and more worried about Seth being apart from his father for so long and Kellan’s need for revenge. She ultimately decided to tell Kellan what their mother did in order to give him peace of mind and unite his family. She sat him down and explained how she found out after Jana’s funeral that their mother had been the one to have Jana killed but didn’t know who the person she hired was. She explained she felt couldn’t tell him when he was still hurting so much. Kellan didn’t move in five minutes as he processed what he had just heard only to end seeing red:

Kellan went after his mother screaming and crying how she betrayed him and his family. He tried to attack her but his shouting and her screams alerted the guards whooshed in to grab and hold him back from hurting his mother. He screamed through his angry tears that she killed the woman he loved, she killed Jana. Lezabel screamed back still shocked from Kellan’s sudden attack, “I didn’t kill her! You did! The moment you made her your whore you killed her!”. He responded in silence before telling her he was never letting her near him or his family ever again:

After Kellan’s confrontation with his mother he left the palace and went to collect Seth from his aunt. From there Kellan moved away as far as he could from the Hearts capital (still remaining in Hearts) living in an estate he owned with Seth. He raised Seth by himself and was a doting and loving father to his son. He never saw Lezabel again making it a point not to respond to any of her letters and ignored his sisters pleas to return to capital every time she visited. Kellan and Seth returned to the palace once she had died and Kellan was made King of Hearts:

The End

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goldenkamuyhunting · 4 years

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Do you think Sugimoto will get any significant character development? He's my favorite character and I worry that he'll be stuck in the same place as he always has been by the end of the series.

To be honest...

I’m also among the many people who hope Sugimoto will change and who worried a lot when The report of the Golden Kamuy staff talk event 19 April 2019 came out.

That’s because in it “Noda-sensei told Geno Studio that Sugimoto was already a completed character, so they didn’t need to think too much about his growth.”

On Discord we’ve been worrying a lot if this means that Sugimoto won’t get character growth, or psychological healing or whatever.

As we don’t have the exact Japanese sentence we can’t know if it can be subjected to nuances or interpretations so we’re only left with the translation which might not be litteral.

Long story short, the translation isn’t really reassuring.

So I’ve been trying to see how other characters develop, to get some sort of reference for Sugimoto.

From what I can see it’s not like Sugimoto or the others never changed but Noda actually went at it in a much more realistic way than many other stories do.

There are assorted types of changes in a character behaviour in Golden Kamuy.

The easier to spot are the ones caused by trauma and they’re often the most drastic type.

Almost everyone in this story has a trauma that changed him or her.

Even in the last chapter we saw how Ueji transitioned from a normal kid who wasn’t good at school or particularly social and liked to play with his dog whom he deeply loved but was also hurt by his relatives pressures to the man covered in tattoos who enjoy disappointing others and who murder kids after torturing them and buries them in his garden.

The pressure, coped with the trauma of the loss of his dog, whom he believed to have been murdered by his father due to Ueji shattered him and turned him into a different person.

There are however also changes in behaviour that are spurred by facts that aren’t that terrible in nature but are actually caused by positive experiences.

Koito discovers his father actually loves for him and this pushes him to realize his own worth. He likely stopped thinking he had to die heroically to gain value in his father’s eyes or that his father would have preferred for him to die instead of his brother, and starts devoting all his efforts in the Army Academy instead than in the Naval one.

There are changes caused by the relations that the characters form.

Shiraishi originally was a selfish person who prioritized himself... however he slowly developed tight bonds with Sugimoto, Asirpa and Kiro. Even through he used to insist people have to escape alone, when he believed remaining with Kiro was dangerous he wanted to escape WITH HER and remained with her when she refused to escape. While he shrugged Kumagishi’s death off and the same is true for Nihei or Henmi, with whom he seemed to have good relations, he cried for Kiro and buried him on his own despite always attempting to skirt hard labour before.

There are changes caused by a growing awareness of the situation or, more simply, by learning something.

The story starts with Asirpa sure that she doesn’t need the gold nor does the Ainu so she can let Sugimoto first and then Shiraishi also have it all. Then Kiroranke teaches her of the situation of minorities and she realizes the gold could become a powerful toll to use to help her own people.

Koito also worshipped Tsurumi at the start of the story and pleasing him was all he cared about but then he learns Tsurumi deceived him and his father and loses that blind worship. He still trusts him but no more blindly, he wants to be sure what Tsurumi pursues would sit well with him also.

There are changes merely caused by... well, growing.

Cikapasi at first tails after Tanigaki and Inkarmat mostly because he hoped they would become his new parents. We see the way he interacts with them, he’s very much the child he is, playing and asking for money to buy sweets and depending on them to solve situation. During the travel to Karafuto he takes a more proactive role, protecting Enonoka from the wolverine, helping her to retrieve the dog, taking part to the circus act and so on until he manages to let go of Tanigaki and Inkarmat and decides to stop where he thinks he belongs. While he still has a long way to go, he has grown a lot from where he started.

Note that, except when trauma is involved, those growths don’t turn a person into another overnight but it’s a slow growing process (and even when trauma is involved they still have a transtioning time).

So, Sugimoto and his possible growth.

We know that in his past he did some changing due to trauma, one time when his family got sick and consequently died and his own village ostracized him and another when he went to war.

Even though we don’t know much about Sugimoto prior to all this, it’s clear pre-war Sugimoto is someone who likely never killed a soul and wouldn’t have been capable to think ‘I’ll kill and skin 24 convicts to get money’.

This however is the past and I’d like to think he won’t receive further traumas.

Sugimoto is an adult, so he clearly won’t get a growth caused by merely growing as, although he might underwent some more.... let’s call it tuning, most of his personality and mindset are already well shaped.

It can be that’s this what Noda means when he says he’s a complete character.

In fact Sugimoto's behaviour has changed due to relations.

When the story started he was okay with involving Asirpa, a child, in a bloody gold hunt. When he grew fond of her he tried to keep her out of it, first leaving her behind then trying to entrust her to Tsurumi.

We saw that he wasn’t really paniched about her when Tamai and Co hunted him even though Tanigaki went after her. He even paused to watch the scene and talk a little with the cub bear. Compare this to how nowadays, as soon as he’s parted from her and the situation is somewhat dangerous, he run after her screaming ‘Asirpa-san’.

But on the other side it’s possible Noda doesn’t see this as ‘personal growth’. Sugimoto might have been a person who would always react this way for the people he really cares a lot.

So what changed isn’t Sugi, it’s just his relationship with Asirpa.

What we see now when he interact with her isn’t a Sugimoto different from the start of the story, it’s just a Sugimoto who acts accoding to the deep caring he had developed. If Umeko had been there at the start of the story, we would have seen him acting with her the same he does with Asirpa.

Sugimoto’s behaviour has changed also due to awareness of the situation.

When he was told Kiro has betrayed him, he switched by being on friendly terms with him from deciding to murder him.

When Hijikata revealed his plans for the Republic of Ezo he went from desperately wanting to murder him to grudgingly accepting to cooperate with him.

But again, this is not personal change, it is adapting to the situation.

We also saw how, when he got lost, he knew what to do in order to survive out there in the wilderness because... he had learnt it from Asirpa.

So again, although he acted differently, he wasn’t a different person, just someone who knew what to do.

What I think many people would want through, is for Sugimoto to either psychologically heal or try to fix some of his character flaws.

Now... I expect Golden Kamuy to cover 28 volumes and we’re at around the ending of vol 26 so there might be not much time for Sugimoto to do either.

However I like to think there could be the possibility that Sugimoto will, at least, gain an awareness of his own problems, along with the will to try to fix them or improve himself.

This would be a giant size step for him and one that could bring him to evolve, to improve himself.

There’s who managed to get awareness of his own problems, like Inkarmat who got aware of how ‘obsessed’ she was with Wilk and unable to let him go (even though in Abashiri she still was unable to move on... but whatever, now she’s with Tanigaki and she can try doing so one step at time).

Shiraishi might have realized his goal of living life as it came, merely enjoying it, was a bit shallow and might aim for something more fulfilling.

Koito too decided in life he had to adopt an approach who was less ‘accepting blindly’ and more ‘making sure things were right’. Koito is trying to be less prejudiced and blind in his views (through Koito’s change was prompted by various things combined together an not just by self reflection).

As for Sugimoto, I think the character flaw he should correct is his overconfidence in his own opinion. Suzukawa too pointed out how when Sugimoto gets persuaded of something he brushed away everything else.

This often leads him to make mistakes.

If he could learn to reconsider his opinion or ask for other people’s input instead than just taking a decision on his own and take everything inside himself, I think for him things could improve.

He could learn for a start that the ones who love him don’t think he’s doomed to hell because he killed people in war, that they would accept him anyway, that they would go to hell with him... but also how if no one does something it’ll be impossible for Asirpa to keep her lifestyle so just telling her to turn her gaze away and go on with her life doesn’t help.

At least that’s what I hope for him.

But for now we can only wait and hope as the final part of the story unfold.

Thank you for your ask!

#Sugimoto Saichi #Asirpa #Koito Otonoshin #Kiroranke #Tsurumi Tokushirou #Wilk #Cikapasi #Inkarmat #Shiraishi Yoshitake #Suzukawa Kiyohiro #Tanigaki Genjirou #Hijikata Toshizou #Kumagishi Chouan #Nihei Tetsuzou #Henmi Kazuo #Ask #Tamai Houzou #Kenmochi Umeko #Ueji Keiji

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companionjones · 5 years

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Hating Him

Request: Hey there! 😀 Can I request two sets of headcanons - one about Klaus falling in love with Hayley's older twin, and the other about being Klaus' older twin sister in general?

Pairing: Klaus Mikealson x Hayley’sOlderTwin!Reader

Fandom: The Originals

Summary: An account of your life with your sister, and how a certain baby turned not just her life around, but yours as well.

Warnings: Slight mention of killing, talk of a great amount of pain

Author’s Note: Timeline for this is kinda weird, doesn’t really go along w the show. I tried my best.

*******

To say that you had a trying life would be an understatement. You and your sister Hayley were adopted at a very young age. Things changed forever when Hayley triggered a werewolf gene that apparently both of you had. Shortly after and for that reason, she was kicked out of your adoptive home. You went with her because you couldn’t bare to be apart from your twin sister. You both were 13 at the time. It was hell to see your little sister go through what she did every month, but somehow, Hayley coped. She said that you were the main reason she got through all that hardship.

Time skip to about a decade later, and you and Hayley had helped to break a few sire bonds. The two of you ran into an old friend, Tyler Lockwood. Somehow, you and Hayley got wrapped up in Mystic Falls drama, and the next thing you knew, your little sister was pregnant. The father was the original hybrid, Niklaus Mikaelson.

Because of that event, you and Hayley ended up moving to New Orleans with Klaus and his family.

For a long time, you and Klause despised each other. He thought you were an unnecessary presence, and all you saw Klaus doing was putting Hayley in excessive danger.

“I swear if she gets even slightly hurt, you’ll never get a chance to see the baby again!” you yelled one night after one of the frequent attacks on the compound.

The hybrid only laughed, “You just try to take them away! You’re just a werewolf that hasn’t even triggered their gene yet! You won’t even get as far as the front step!”

It wasn’t until after Hope was born that something changed drastically. The compound was being attacked again, and you and Hope were the only ones home. You protected your niece, but it came at a cost. You’d taken several lives, and triggered your werewolf curse in the process.

Hayley was the first of Hope’s parents to approach you afterwards. “You’ve been looking out of me my whole life...and now you’ve triggered your gene to protect my daughter. How did I get so lucky to have a twin like you?”

That night, you hugged your sister than you ever had before.

Klaus didn’t come to see you until much later. “I’ve been trying to think of what to say,” he started when he found you looking out at the city from a balcony, “But the truth is, there’s nothing I can say. You saved my daughter and paid one of the highest prices you can pay.”

“Hope is my niece, Klaus. I would do anything to protect her. If that includes breaking every bone in my body once a month for the rest of my life, so be it.”

The original came to your side at the railing of the balcony. “You don’t have to. I could turn you into a hybrid...if you want. I’m sure Hayley would agree to--”

“Allowing me to drink blood from your newborn daughter? No Klaus,” you interrupted him.

He was quick to argue, “We already had to finish Hayley’s transition. It would only a small amount more--”

“If Hayley didn’t drink that blood, she would have died. I’ll go on to live just fine.”

As usual, when Klaus was scared, he got angry. “No you won’t! You’ll be going through the worst pain imaginable every full moon until you die!”

“It’s okay, Nik. I’ve accepted it.”

He shook his head. “Well, I haven’t. And you won’t either when the first full moon comes.”

“Klaus--”

The hybrid cut you off, “I can’t bare the thought of you going through that much pain.”

Both of you were quiet for a few moments after that.

“I thought you hated me,” you admitted.

“I did.”

“That was how we operated, Klaus. We hated each other.”

He half-smiled, “I know.”

“So, where did this come from?”

His face betrayed as much emotion and enlightenment as you were feeling. “I couldn’t tell you if I tried.”

For a moment, you smiled at him. Then, you turned grim again. “I...I can’t stand the thought of doing that to Hope.”

Niklaus comforted, “I understand. But we have to look at it like this: Hope is an infant. It is assured that she will not suffer for long at all, and that she will not remember this at all. If I have to choose between giving my daughter a moment of unmemorable pain or forcing you through a lifetime of immeasurable agony, I’ll have to take the former.”

At a loss of anything else to do, you launched forward and nearly crushed the original hybrid in a hug. “Thank you,” you whispered in his ear.

He smiled, “My only regret is that I will be unable to hate you from now on.”

“It truly is a loss, Klaus,” you chuckled into his shoulder, “It’s definitely going to be an adjustment.”

*******

Author’s Note: Thank you so much for reading! Fill up that heart and reblog if you liked it. I also would love a comment if you have the time. If you would like to read more, I have more fics about The Originals over on my page. You should go check it out. Also, REQUESTS ARE OPEN. I take requests for one-shots, drabbles, multi-chapters, headcannons and preferences. No smut, please. I write for a variety of fandoms. If you’re wondering if I write for a specific fandom, please ask me. Have a nice day, night, or whatever time it is for you.<3

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unfragilelove · 5 years

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when all is lost, then all is found. (1/1)

This is the idea that’s been knocking around in my head and refusing to let me rest until I spat it out on paper. I hope you all enjoy. <3 (begins post-Frozen 1, and ends post-Frozen 2.)

Frohana/Kristanna || No warnings/rating || ao3 link

“If you don’t mind my asking, why did you travel with ice harvesters as a child? Why didn’t you live in an Arendelle orphanage?” Kristoff just shrugs. “Because there isn’t one.”

aka: The royal family establishes the first orphanage in Arendelle, and the children are not the only ones who find a home within it's walls.

Arendelle has always prided itself on being well-run kingdom, fortunate enough to have an abundance of resources, plenty of trade, a fairly stable economy, and residents who rarely disturb the peace.

Which is why it comes as such a shock to Anna and Elsa when, in a conversation with Kristoff, full of quiet admissions and tales of their childhood, the topic comes up:

“If you don’t mind my asking, why did you travel with ice harvesters as a child? Why didn’t you live in an Arendelle orphanage?”

Kristoff just shrugs. “Because there isn’t one.”

Anna’s jaw drops and Elsa looks a combination of surprised and uncomfortable, both of the women falling silent for several long moments, seemingly at a loss for words.

“There isn’t one?” Anna speaks up first, her voice incredulous, “Not anywhere in our entire kingdom?”

“No. But, to be fair, it’s not like there are a lot of displaced kids in Arendelle.”

“But when there are,” Anna says, her voice rising with her building emotions, “When it does come up, and there are parents who can’t take care of their baby, or a kid whose parents die,” Elsa and Kristoff both wince a bit at that, and the waver in Anna’s voice speaks for itself, “We don’t have anywhere for them to go?”

Kristoff presses his lips together in a tight frown, unable to find the words to ease her mind. Admittedly, it does bother him, too— the thought of other children growing up without homes, and perhaps not ending up as fortunate as he did. (Trolls they may be, but they’re his family, all the same.)

“I feel awful, for not even knowing.” Elsa says, her voice quiet and eyes pensive.

“Up until a few months ago, you two spent your entire lives inside the castle walls. It’s not your fault that you don’t know every inch of Arendelle yet.” Kristoff says, looking at the two downtrodden sisters, and hoping to assuage some of their guilt.

“But we can change that, right?” Anna asks, though her voice leaves little room for argument. “We could create a place where kids can be safe. Somewhere that they can stay until they find home and families, somewhere they don’t have to be alone anymore.”

None of them seem inclined to disagree.

It’s a fairly small thing, Arendelle’s Home for Children, but it’s plenty homey, with plush blankets on warm beds, and boxes full of toys, and a view of the fjord through the dining room window. It’s located right outside the castle gates, too, which makes overseeing the building process all the easier. (They all play a role in it’s creation, Kristoff helps with a lot of the hands-on work, Elsa oversees the plans, and Anna is the creative force behind it all, offering ideas and helping in any way she can.)

The demand for an orphanage was not immense, but it's a cause that proves itself more than necessary.

This rings particularly true, when it hasn't even been a week after they finish painting the outer walls, and they are approached by a woman, tears rolling down her face, a young toddler in her arms. A child that is not hers, but her brother’s, who went out for what was supposed to be a two-day trek into the mountains and failed to return alive, and she simply can’t raise the boy herself anymore, she’s sorry, so sorry--

(It isn't long at all before a couple-- two lovely women, both skilled blacksmiths-- tentatively come into the Home. They’ve wanted a child of their own for years now, and considering the way the couple’s eyes well up with tears when the two tiny hands reach up toward them, Anna, Elsa and Kristoff all have no doubt they made the right decision.)

As time passes, the amount of children in the Home ebbs and flows— thankfully, they’ve rarely had more than five residents at any given time, and in the two whole years since it’s been open, they’ve said tearful farewells to almost a dozen children who’ve found happy homes with new parents.

Turns out, there are kids in Arendelle who need a safe place to live, but there are also plenty of couples-- same-sex couples, or ones who cannot bear children, or individuals who simply want to adopt a child into their life-- who are equally grateful for the opportunity to expand their family.

It may be far from a lucrative business, but it’s brought them far more fulfillment than any amount of coin could.

When they first opened Arendelle’s Home for Children, Gerda had offered her assistance in running the place. Anna, who remembered how kind she was to her as a child, knew she’d be as good a fit as any. And now, coming up on two and a half years into the endeavor, it still rings true. However, while Gerda remains the primary live-in caretaker, the royal family’s presence has been far from absent.

Kristoff spends a fair amount of time down in the Home, often bringing Sven, who happily brays and lets the kids hang off his antlers, or ride on his back. He can’t help but talk for Sven, too, which almost always makes the younger children giggle and squeal in delight.

There’s one little girl there, Sylvi, with pale skin and tangled blonde hair, who mostly keeps to herself— she’s nonverbal, and hasn’t quite warmed up to any of them yet, curling away from any sort of physical contact.

(They’re not sure if she was born that way, or if it’s a coping mechanism, or some combination of both. They know next to nothing about her past, but they’ll do everything they can to ensure her a happy future.)

She still remains rather closed-off, despite being at the Home for a few months now. But then, on a crisp Spring morning, something incredible happens-- Kristoff breaks out in Sven’s voice, and Sylvi’s face lights up like a Christmas tree. She smiles-- the very first smile they’ve seen cross her face in all the time she’s been there-- and she wanders over to bury her hands happily in the thick texture of the reindeer’s fur. It’s the most progress they’ve seen her make thus far, and Kristoff has never felt prouder.

Meanwhile, Anna spends any free time she has at the Home, too-- enthusiastically telling the kids stories of her adventures, (usually with Olaf at her side, reenacting the scenes with equal enthusiasm.) And she’s almost always bringing the kids more toys. (“Your highness, how many times must I insist there are already too many toys to keep the place tidy!” “Oh, come on Gerda, how am I supposed to be considered a kind and generous princess if I don’t spoil my favorite little Arendellians! Plus, Kristoff and I already started building them bigger toy boxes, don’t worry.”)

There’s a boy there, Fredrik, with wild curly locks and a gap-toothed grin, who always runs and flings himself into Anna’s arms. He, too, always has a new story to tell— of he and the other kids playing pirates, or this baby rabbit he saw in the woods, or the way he swears there’s a sea monster in the fjord. Sometimes he’ll stop himself mid-sentence, as though realizing he’s rambling, and stumbles over an apology-- in a way that feels painfully familiar to Anna. But she’ll be damned if she makes a child feel any of the same inadequacy she did. With a shake of her head and a smile, she’ll urge him on, “Well, don’t leave me hanging! You’ve gotta tell me what happened next!”

The way his face always brightens in response is worth more than anything in the world.

Elsa stops by frequently, as well— though at first it had taken her a bit longer to get used to being around children, mostly due to the fear she still wasn’t fully in control of her powers. Once she had begun to visit, though, the children quickly grew on her, and she’ll often make them little flurries and piles of snow to play in during the hot summer months. There’s an older girl in her late teens, named Runa— who starts to sit next to Elsa while the younger children play. Runa is mostly blind, but she often requests little ice sculptures from Elsa, a smile always gracing her face as she runs her fingers along the frigid curves of each figurine. Of course, they have plenty of wooden toys that could serve the same purpose. So one day, Elsa can't help but to ask, “Doesn’t the cold bother you?”

Runa shrugs, “I’ve never minded it.”

Perhaps it’s not so much the ice figurines she enjoys, as much as it is the company and kindness of another.

Of course, all the children who have come into the Home hold special places in each of their hearts. It’s a complicated sort of love, as every farewell they have is a bittersweet one (it means they’ll see the child far less, if at all-- but it means they've found a real home, which is so, so good.)

And on a similar vein, every child they watch get passed up by potential families breaks their hearts.

It's Autumn when a lot changes in an incredibly short span of time. By the time the dust fully settles in Arendelle, Anna’s both engaged and coronated as Queen, Elsa lives in the Enchanted Forest with the Northuldra, and there’s an entire chunk of their kingdom’s history that needs retelling. For Anna, in particular, the queendom comes incredibly natural to her— but the journey it took to get there, the mass of secrets their family kept, holding Olaf as he perished, the gripping fear that she was truly alone , followed by nearly dying on the dam-- well, that all is a bit harder to come to terms with.

Eventually, though, things calm down enough for them to fall back in to a mostly normal routine, and they waste no time visiting the Home regularly once more. There, they find a couple new residents, and, unfortunately-- three familiar faces who’ve yet to find homes.

Sylvi, despite most families passing her by, makes great strides-- she warms up to Kristoff through her comfort around Sven, and begins to trust the sisters, too. Elsa, with her calm and composed demeanor, seems to put her at ease. And Anna, though far more excitable than her sister in nature, is always careful to not to overstimulate or stress the child out. Eventually, the first time Sylvi makes proper eye contact with someone is with Anna, her curious little eyes becoming absolutely fixated on the princess’s face as she tells her a story. The little one doesn’t even seem to realize she’s doing it, and yet it takes Anna all the willpower she can muster to stay focused on the tale she’s weaving, and not start to cry right then and there.

Fredrik, meanwhile, is a lovebug with just about everyone, as outgoing as ever and never seeming to run low on energy. He loves nature, always asking to ride Sven, or picking up little snails off the cobblestone path and moving them to safety, or doodling different plants he finds throughout the town. He can almost always be found running around playing with Olaf, or dragging the other children into games, or asking Kristoff and Anna to take him on hikes, or running headfirst into a snow pile Elsa made-- (to which she quickly has to add extra snow to cushion him from hitting the ground beneath, and dear gods , these children will never fail to keep their reflexes sharp.)

Elsa, although no longer living there, still visits Arendelle rather frequently. While it’s their family game night that keeps her coming back weekly, she makes time to visit the Home, as well. Despite it being a regular occurrence, Runa’s face never fails to light up when she hears Elsa’s voice. It always makes her heart feel full-- that is, until the day Gerda pulls her aside and shares that they haven’t had many potential adopters, lately, and those that do visit are almost never interested in Runa.

“Beyond being blind, she’s nearly an adult, in most people’s eyes.” Gerda tells her in a whisper, her voice thick with sadness. “And I fear she may not find a family before that day comes.”

It sticks with Elsa, the words ringing in her ears and refusing to grant her peace. She feels like it’s the siren’s call all over again, something nagging in the back of her mind, except instead of being mysterious and exciting, it’s an echo of a far more grim reality. She returns to the Enchanted Forest that night, and it’s several weeks before she visits the orphanage again.

“You came back!” Runa exclaims when she returns, “I was starting to think you forgot about me.”

“Quite the opposite, actually, I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. There’s something I need to speak to you about.” A sharp breath, and then: “How would you feel about coming to live with me and the Northuldra?”

A few more months pass, and while the newest children have come and gone from their system in nearly record time, Sylvi and Fredrik still remain. It’s just the two of them in the Home now, and with the holidays only days away, it doesn’t appear they’ll find homes before the new year.

As a result, Kristoff and Anna, in addition to the time they spend with them during the day, have taken to inviting the kids for dinner with them in the castle, most nights. (“They deserve to eat in a proper home, you know?” “Of course, and I’m sure Gerda will enjoy having the afternoon off--” “Right, and Fredrik didn’t get a chance to finish telling us about how he saved that baby bird!”

“And really, no child deserves to feel alone this time of year.”)

It’s not the first time they’ve all eaten in the castle together, but there’s something about the way Sylvi erupts into a fit of loud giggles when Fredrik puts a carrot up his nose to imitate Olaf, or the way Kristoff feigns shock to amuse the kids each time he looks away only to find more and more brussel sprouts being snuck onto his plate, or the way Fredrik, with a belly already full of hearty food, looks at the dessert tray being brought in and says, “Man, I love you guys.”

The moments are happy ones, and yet Anna’s chest aches while watching how well these two children seem to settle into their everyday life. The Home would continue to keep them safe and comfortable, yes, but it’s still not… well, a home .

The short trek back to the orphanage that night is a heavy one, as they know the kids need to be back in their own beds, but find that it’s getting harder and harder to say goodbye each time. Sylvi tucks her nose into the crook of Anna’s neck as she carries her, no longer terrified of touch as she once was (at least, not from Kristoff and Anna.) And Fredrik sits on Kristoff’s shoulders, his boundless energy finally waning as his eyes droop closed.

They tuck them in and say their goodnights, returning home to a castle that suddenly feels far too empty.

It’s only a few hours later, when Kristoff and Anna decide to retire to their room for the night. The two of them are quietly getting ready for bed when Kristoff speaks up, his voice tentative.

“Anna, do you, uh-- do you still want to have kids?”

“I do. Why? Wait, are you having second thoughts—“

“No, no, definitely not! I still do too. I really do.”

Anna watches him, her fingers playing absent-mindedly with his hair as she waits patiently for him to get to the point he’s clearly trying to build toward. He takes a deep breath, and then:

“Do you want only... biological children?”

Her heart swells as it occurs to her where he’s heading with this, and she wonders how she got so lucky, to find someone whose soul aligns so perfectly with her own.

“Not at all," Anna says, and oh, she can already feel the tears building in her eyes, "I’d be happy raising a child with you, however they come into our life.”

“So say there was a boy with curly hair and a kind heart, as feisty as you, to slide down the bannisters with--”

“Or maybe a little blonde like you, who trusts us more than anyone, quiet but brave as can be, who comes out of her shell more and more every day--”

“Or both?” He asks with a sheepish, yet oh-so radiant grin, and Anna mirrors it tenfold.

“Yeah. Both sounds good to me.”

#kristanna fanfic #frohana #kristanna #kristana ff #kristanna fic #(sort of au sort of canonverse idk idk)#kristanna au #frozen #frozen 2 #kristanna fanfiction #frohana fic #adoption fic #my fic

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arcaneranger · 4 years

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Final Thoughts - The Day I Became a God

It’s been a good long while since a show managed to raise my expectations so high, only to absolutely crush me with disappointment at the end.

The Day I Became a God is gorgeous, well-produced, absolutely hysterical, and genuinely touching in a lot of places. The story of a young girl with mysterious powers of omnipotence is mined for everything it’s worth, even though knowing this creative team, it’s going to get extremely melodramatic at some point. And honestly, the story survived that turn to drama fairly well - but I want to get into specifics. I don’t usually do this, but it’s important to me to emphasize exactly what went wrong here.

Full spoilers for The Day I Became a God follow, after the jump. This is your warning.

The traditional Key Swerve happens in the ninth episode, with the viewer-punch reveal that Hina’s omniscience is the result of a revolutionary, one-of-a-kind quantum computer that’s been implanted into her brain to support it because she suffers from a degenerative disease, and the government has been trying to track her down in order to remove it because it has been deemed too dangerous to be unregulated. This is fine, it centers the conflict of the story - Hina is willing to go along with it because she had already accepted what she understood as “the end of the world” despite her precocious crush on Yota, and Yota has been so changed by her presence that he’s willing to do whatever it takes to bring her home to him and his family. He eventually travels to the facility where Hina is recovering, under a falsified identity - a callback to him doing so in a previous episode to claim to be a restaurateur - and the visual sight of her, her hair short because her head had to be shaved, in a barely-functional state is a powerful one. She’s different now, just as her father promised. Basically, a wholly different person, one who has gone from being able to function with extreme competence into one who will need to be taken care of and supervised for the rest of her life.

And then, the next episode, Yota starts trying to get her to recognize him despite her memory loss, and this is where things start to get unforgivable.

He starts by grabbing her to try and get her to face him, right away, because he thinks all she needs to do is see his face, and she gets visibly terrified and has to be calmed by the nurse while he is forced out of the room. He then repeats this action multiple times, while the show is trying to frame him as still being sympathetic, even though he also frequently raises his voice with her completely unnecessarily, and attempts to force progress onto a patient only a few steps above catatonic, because he believes that his family can take better care of her than a professional, highly-structured, incredibly-well-equipped facility, and that she is still the same person inside.

While that last point is valid from an idealistic and meaningful standpoint, it is obvious many, many times during the last two episodes that he is stressing her out by placing expectations onto her, including that she will be able to process his yelling as anything other than anger at her, and we also learn that she has been unable to cope with being around men since her surgery, a plot point that is very quickly dropped and not brought up again. She suddenly starts to make impossibly fast progress, and in the final episode, as Yota is being escorted out of the building because he’s been found out, she has a miraculous breakthrough and tries to chase after him in the snow.

What really broke me was the following internal monologue from Yota, where he explicitly frames Hina as his Manic Pixie Dream Girl who he couldn’t let go of, and my brain started to melt out of my ears as it sank in that this was the point. He’s suddenly reciprocating her crush, despite the fact that she is several years younger than him physically and, frankly, now a decade younger mentally, and declares that he will love her forever and restructure his entire future in order to get to stay with her and research her disease.

What could have been a powerful story about accepting really difficult changes and the impermanence of youth ended up being a shitty, insensitive, off-putting romance between a high schooler and a younger girl who can no longer think or act for herself. It’s creepy, it’s disappointing, and it’s the worst thing Jun Maeda has ever written.

While the show is still getting a 3/10 from me, because I was so fully on-board for everything previous to episode 11, and it’s still beautiful and incredibly funny, it’s also getting my second-ever Honorary Hall of Shame spot, right next to Steins;Gate 0. May they rot in peace.

#final thought #the day I became a god #arcaneanime #arcane's hall of shame #fall 2020

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maiagomez · 4 years

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❝ It’s the road that leads to nowhere. But all I want to do is go there. ❞

✗ — Name: Vanessa Gutierrez (Maia Gomez)

✗ — Age: 22

✗ — Kingdom: Bolivia

✗ — Sexuality: Pansexual

— Personality; Although she can be a hard worker, Maia tends to like to take the easy way out. If there’s an alternative solution then she will sniff it out. She’s the life of the party. Wherever she is, Maia always brings her upbeat and fun loving personality. Even when stuck in the worst situation she will do her best to distract others from it. She learnt quickly that in the real world her compassionate side needed to be hidden. It didn’t make money and only wasted time and energy.As far as anyone needed to know she was just a flirtatious and feminine woman. Even after taking up the role of princess Vanessa, she was still up to her same old tricks. Although she knew she was being watched she felt like she was able to live a little more care free since she didn’t have the burden of money weighing her down. She’s known to be quite flirtatious and charming. And although she knows how to get things done on her own she tends to gravitate to the company of others.

— Biography (at least two hundred words); When Gloria married it wasn’t for love. It was an arranged marriage. Her husband wasn’t a kind man, he was physically and emotionally abusive to Gloria. Nobody saw that side of him because of the act he put on in front of the crowds. Being a high ranking royal he couldn’t risk any of that getting out. Luckily for him, Gloria wasn’t going to just spill everything that had happened to her. It wasn’t like she had anyone to tell since her parents had basically sold her off to a man without a goodbye. When Gloria found out she was pregnant she was both excited and nervous. It was one thing being a person hanging off the arm of someone and smiling like she meant it, it was a whole other dimension her becoming a mother. Her husband was excited, a younger generation Gutierrez to help rule the kingdom and one day take the throne. All was going well, her husband had even backed off of her and gave her the space she needed. He became attentive and caring.

One night while 36 weeks pregnant, after coming home drunk he tried to have his way with her, which Gloria wasn’t in the mood for. When she resisted she was met with violence before he left the house for the night. Gloria fell asleep crying, before being woken up in the middle of the night by strong contraction pains. Gloria had enough sense to call an ambulance who took her to a local hospital because she was in premature labour. After a couple of hours Vanessa was born. The doctors only let Gloria have a quick look at her daughter before Vanessa was whisked off to a special care unit due to her being born premature. It wasn’t until Gloria was in recovery that she realized the danger that her husband really posed. She decided she was going to take her daughter away and keep her from her father. All in Vanessa’s best interest.

Ignoring the texts from her husband for a week wasn’t hard to do, and it wasn’t uncommon. Regularly after he initiated a fight Gloria would go stay with friends for a while until she was ready to come back home. Gloria was able to change her number and get her daughter transferred to a different special care unit further away. She had enough money saved up to last them for a while. It was a month after Gloria had her daughter transferred that she was released from the hospital, and on top of it was a pile of hospital bills for the care they had received. Gloria became a hardworking mother who took care of her daughter by herself. Picking up extra shifts if she came down with the flu and needed to go to the doctor or when she had to change numbers again when her husband or their family would find her other ones. She was everything to her daughter that her husband never was to her. They didn’t have a lot, but they had enough to have a substantial life.

When Vanessa turned 18 she told Gloria she wanted to go to university. Gloria told her that they’d find a way and that she would pick up more shifts at the diner she worked at so that Vanessa could do it. So Vanessa packed her bags and traveled a few cities over to go to university. Gloria had a bit saved up so was able to help with the first month’s rent on a place and tuition. That drained most of her savings though and Gloria soon realized that she wasn’t going to be able to help pay for Vanessa to keep going to school. Once again, Gloria’s number was found out. This time she was being contacted by her husband’s mother. Apparently during some news report Gloria was seen in the background with Vanessa. And picking the age they knew it was their granddaughter. They wanted to meet her and help her go to school if that was something she wanted. Money had been set up in a trust fund before she was born, but they needed to see her to have access to it.

While closing down the diner, a young girl (Maia) who somewhat resembled her own daughter walked in. Honestly, for a while Gloria was unable to think what to say but the longer she sat with her thoughts the more she got an idea. Desperate to help her daughter, Gloria did the only thing she could think of. She hired the girl to pretend to be her daughter and meet her husband’s family so that she could gain access to the trust fund. When the girl met with the family they just wanted to know about her life. Gloria had given some guidelines of what to say when pretending to be Vanessa so to start with it wasn’t a problem. It wasn’t until a couple of days later when she was meeting the father that things began breaking down. He was so relieved to see her because after years of not hearing from Gloria he assumed that his baby was dead. She was able to actually spend a little time with him and she didn’t think he was all that bad. Then again she didn’t really know anyone from this life. It just seemed like he wanted to have a relationship with his daughter. He told Maia that if she wanted to access her trust fund that she was going to have to go to Royal Pains Estate to learn some of the things it took to being a royal. Maia was hesitant, but when she spoke to Gloria about it she offered her a bigger cut if she played along and went with it to get access to it. With the offer of a bigger cut Maia agreed to the father’s terms and agreed to go to the estate.

———

Growing up Maia had the ideal perfect family. Her mother and father were happily married with three daughters, Maia being the oldest. She grew up being taught the value of hard work. Being taught how to be kind and compassionate in a world that was at times so cruel. They didn’t have the most lavish lifestyle but they were able to afford occasional treats and trips that the family were able to go on.

When she was a teenager her father became ill and her mother walked out on the family not long after, not being able to handle the stress the situation brought. Her younger siblings had barely started school which left all the responsibility to Maia to provide for the family, so she quit school. At first all she could get was a few part time jobs here and there, bagging groceries or cleaning jobs because she lacked experience. They barely got by but Maia was able to get enough to pay for food and her father’s medical bills. When she was 18 she got a job working in a bar where she learned that a smile and a little flirtation was enough to make the world her oyster. Maia began flirting with customers, making them feel special so that she could earn more tips to take home to her family.

As time went on though, Maia found her father was in a worse state physically. He ended up in hospital which only accumulated more bills to pay. After a couple of months of being in the hospital her father passed away. Maia didn’t take the passing well. She felt a major loss from it all that she started to using drinking as a way to cope. A lot of alcohol that she drank, she stole from the bar that she worked at. When the owners began noticing regular alcohol missing at stock take they went over the tapes and found dozens of Maia drinking on the job. She was fired with the understanding that if she ever came back that the police would be called and she’d be arrested for theft.

As Maia was packing her stuff up and leaving she ran into one of her regulars. He had overheard the whole thing and offered to give Maia a job as a clothing distributor. Not having any alternatives, Maia agreed since she didn’t see helping sell clothes as being an issue. Her job mainly required helping keep stock of the clothes and listing them on a website. She even started finding comfort in the man and sleeping with him on the side of their business. Nothing seemed off until one morning after sleeping over at the male’s place there was a sketchy looking van that came up with the clothing inside. Maia confronted her regular about it who came clean about how the illegal fake brand name clothing scheme he was running. Maia left the place without a second word, still processing her thoughts and the fact that she had been involved. The thought began to weigh on her that if she didn’t get another job that they wouldn’t be able to keep their little rundown apartment.

She began going around places with her resume, hoping to find anything at that point. It wasn’t like it could be worse than cleaning the bar’s toilets after a Friday night or running the risk of jail time. When she walked into a diner, she was told they weren’t hiring but the lady there did offer her another job. It was the strangest thing she’d heard about impersonating someone to get access to a trust fund but desperate times called for desperate measures. Maia agreed to do it. One more scheme to get out of that life for good. That, and she knew that she would be able to have money sent to her sisters and live a somewhat normal and carefree life for a while without responsibility weighing her down.

✗ Secret; Maia was hired by Gloria to pretend to be her daughter Vanessa so that she could gain access to Vanessa’s trust fund.

「 Faceclaim: Diane Guerrero 」

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blackcatmanor · 5 years

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Ace Ops headcanons part 1: Marrow Amin

Happy (or unhappy) RWBY Break. Here are some headcanons I have involving Marrow. If people like it I may post the other Ace Op headcanons. If y’all have your own, feel free to share.

Background/ Parents

Marrow grew up in Mantle to a Faunus mother (Dog based- ears) and a Human father.

His mother was from menagerie as her family settled there after the Faunus war. However she joined the Faunus rights movement and went to Mantle to try and improve Faunus treatment. She initially worked in the back room of a tailor- out of sight of customers- but worked in her free time to organize protests, sit-ins, and create educational literature for Faunus rights.

Marrow’s mother’s work helped the Faunus secure victories such as desegregation of Mantle schools, and admission of Faunus to combat schools and the military (though in very small numbers).

Marrow’s father was sympathetic towards Faunus rights because, as a young adult working in the mines, one of his good friends was a Faunus who was killed in an act of racist violence. Marrow’s parent met through her work and struck up a friendship, developing into a romance. Unfortunately, they were unable to marry due to laws in Atlas/Mantle prohibiting Faunus and Humans from intermarrying. Nevertheless, they lived together and eventually became pregnant giving birth to Marrow.

Initially Marrow’s mother stepped away from Faunus rights’ work because, with a child to consider, his parents both decided it would be best for her to avoid things that may put her in danger in a hostile society. However, as time went on, she was saddened to see the Faunus Rights movement take a violent turn, making people grow more fearful of Faunus and worsening human-Faunus relations. Therefore, Marrow’s parents instilled the firm believe that violence, vengeance, and lawlessness were NOT good for the Faunus, and forbid him to be around people who were part of the new White Fang.

Marrow’s parents being vehement pacifists who decry lawlessness would explain why he’s not sympathetic towards Robyn Hill’s tactics.

Marrow’s Childhood

Marrow’s parents raised him in an apartment in Mantle, in an area known as Miners’ Valley. Marrow’s semblance was honed from an early age of being bullied by kids at school, and he found he could make perceived enemies hold still.

Marrow was picked on his whole life. Most often kids would pull on his tail “to see if he would bark,” chase him, or throw sticks at him telling him to “fetch”. Naming his weapon Fetch is a middle finger towards the people who bullied him by throwing sticks at him, pushing him to become the best huntsman he can.

*Secretly Imagining Fetch-punching his school bullies in the face right now*

Marrow’s father died when Marrow was 11 from a mining accident and many things in his life changed dramatically. He still has a hard time verbalizing his feelings about it to this day.

SDC offered scholarship to combat schools for the kids of the 9 dead miners, in exchange for agreeing not to sue nor publicly disclose the safety violations in the mines. However, they tried to prevent Marrow and one other Faunus kid from getting the scholarships, offering instead large payouts. Marrow’s mother was insistent and eventually won the scholarships for their kids.

After the death of Marrow’s father, his mother went back to work. However, the city had continued to decline over the years so jobs were scarce, and many employers would not hire a Faunus. Therefore, she was forced to work in a Dust processing plant. However, Atlas technology made automation increasingly prevalent and she lost her job there during Marrow’s second year at Atlas. Because of the absence of work and discriminatory hiring practices against Faunus, his mother had to move back to Menagerie. She sent Marrow money, attending major school functions, and he spent holidays and breaks in Menagerie.

The absence of direct parent supervision in Atlas caused Marrow to develop his mischevious streak, which included some underage drinking and causing trouble to establishments that were known to not to serve Faunus. However, he was always careful to not cross the line, partly because of the morals instilled by his upbringing, and partly because his schooling at Atlas was only possible because his father died, and he would not squander that.

His reliance on humor and a tough guy persona are also tied to his inability to cope with the loss of his father.

Marrow’s schooling/career

When he attended combat school, he worked harder than everyone in his class, and was allowed into Atlas academy by General Ironwood a year early.

At Atlas, the group of 12 Faunus in the entire school were dubbed by the Faunus in Mantle as the “sell-outs,” because much of the huntsman work in Atlas involved capturing dust thieves, (since Atlas is a dust-heavy kingdom), and many of the dust thieves in Mantle were Faunus, who stole to get by.

Nevertheless, Marrow worked hard in school and developed unmatched prowess with his versatile weapon, and his semblance grew to a point where he could freeze multiple enemies or even large enemies such as a Sphinx (although multiple or large enemies expend much more Aura).

His skills earned him a spot as an Atlas specialist immediately upon graduating. Unfortunately, as a Specialist, his commanding officer ordered him to hide his tail under his uniform coat, fearing that a Faunus specialist wouldn’t be respected by the other specialists, and would be a distraction within the unit.

After two years of his work as a Specialist, he was hand-picked by General Ironwood to join the elite Ace Operative unit. General Ironwood also allowed him to wear his tail outside of his uniform. He has been on the team for a year.

His tail is a recent addition to his uniform, as before his CO insisted he hide it to preserve peace within the Specialist unit he served in.

#rwby #rwby v7 #rwby marrow #marrow amin #ace ops

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wanderingaunt · 4 years

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Where'd You Go, Robin?

This is the first post in my 30-day blog challenge.

Oh look, Robin seems to have disappeared again.

No one actually realizes I’m gone.

Those are the voices I hear in my head as I think through getting back online. My thoughts are very judgmental. I often create fake scenarios and conversations about myself or what I think others are saying about me.

That’s my queue to take a step back.

Honestly, the virtual world was getting to be too much for me. When COVID began to spread throughout the U.S. in March, I found myself feeling pretty grounded and focused. It was the first time in 2 years that I had stopped to slow down. I was in Dallas at my sister’s and learning to adjust to suburban life for a change.

Slow down.

That’s normally not a phrase I say. Yet, the more I learn about my Human Design and how I’m wired, the more I recognize this to be part of who I am. According to my Human Design, I am a 6/2 Manifesting Generator. Manifesting Generators can often be perceived as flighty or non-committal. We like to try things on before we know if it’s going to be a fit for us. The 6/2 identifies the part of me that is a hermit as well as a role model. As I look back at my life over the past 2 years, I can see this pattern unfolding. I am free-spirited and tend to do life at my own pace. Sometimes my pace is consistent and steady, while other times it’s slow as molasses. Sometimes I’m out in the spotlight while other times, I’m going deep within and tuning out everything around me.

While I was settled in Dallas, I found myself adjusting to being in one place. When Stay at Home Orders began, I took it as an invitation to settle in and focus on my work and completing my Retreat Leader certification as part of my yearlong coaching program with Darla LeDoux. I was feeling pretty great and proud of myself for actually focusing and having a routine. As someone who moves around quite a bit, routines are few and far between.

As May approached, I realized that the coursework due date for my certification was fast approaching. In true Robin fashion, I waited until 2 weeks prior to May 2nd to complete 4 months’ worth of assignments. I thrive off of deadlines, yet I don’t always embrace that about myself. I hunkered down and became laser-focused. I completed my work on time and only had a couple of assignments that I needed to redo. I continued to press through and show up fully.

Completing my coaching program became my focus and refuge from the craziness happening with COVID. Yet, my focus was quickly pulled back as hardship came upon my family.

On Mother’s Day, we received a message from my Mom that my Dad was in the hospital with Severe Sepsis. My Mom called an ambulance to take him to the ER earlier that morning. He spent a week in the hospital and came close to death. Thankfully, he survived and has since made a full recovery.

Soon after that, the terrible tragedy with George Floyd happened. I found myself consumed with social media activism—posting and sharing content on my feed, signing petitions, reading, and learning. And then within a week of that, we received the news that my beloved cousin, Clint, had died of cancer at the young age of 44.

My nervous system went into shock.

Another aspect of Human Design is that it shows which channels you have open. I have many open centers and as a result, I’m highly sensitive or in other words, an empath. An empath is someone who is highly aware of the emotions of those around them, to the point of feeling those emotions themselves. Empaths see the world differently than other people; they’re keenly aware of others, their pain points, and what they need emotionally. When I’m not conscious of protecting my energy, I can literally feel the weight of the world. When I go into overwhelm, I retreat into my cocoon (hermit phase).

2020 has been an extremely difficult and unexpected year for the entire world. For me personally, there’s been a lot of change, heartbreak, loss, and regret. As a nomad, I went from the freedom of traveling the world to being confined to one spot; in February, I ended a relationship with a man that I love and have had to deal with the regret and heartbreak from that decision; and then with COVID and all of the anti-racism movements happening, my system was in overload. After my cousin died, it was the final straw for my emotional well-being. I found myself distant from my friends and family and unable to maintain healthy boundaries or communication.

I knew it was time for me to go inward and tune out for a bit.

"I was becoming more and more of a hermit. It's not so much that I was running away from something, I was running into myself." -- Michael A. Singer, The Surrender Experiment

I rented a car and headed west to Colorado for a personal retreat at the beautiful Six Eagles Haven. It was the first time I had left Dallas in 4 months, and ironically it was the last place I traveled to prior to COVID. When I was nearing my arrival, tears fell upon me, and I began sobbing and yelling uncontrollably.

I was having an emotional breakdown.

The breakdown lasted for at least 30 to 45 minutes. I was near panic mode. I showed up at the retreat center completely exhausted and emotionally drained. I knew I was in the right place to come exactly as I was and that nothing was wrong. I knew I was safe. My coach, Allison, was there to guide and support me through this time.

My emotional breakdown, while painful, was the start of a magical journey for me.

Six Eagles Haven is such a special place and has created many profound experiences for me. Each week there will be a movie night where Randy (Allison’s husband) will select a movie for us to watch. He selected Where’d You Go, Bernadette. I had seen this movie earlier in the year while flying back from Africa, yet this time I felt connected to the main character. The movie is about a former architect named Bernadette played by Cate Blanchett. In the movie you witness Bernadette go through her own life crisis. She’s distant, always starting and not finishing projects, and unable to cope with the real world. Without going into much detail, Bernadette has lost her art and power to create. She gave up creating, which in turn caused her to give up on life.

I found myself relating to Bernadette. I was born to create, and I’ve been resisting that part of me for far too long.

One of the main reasons I went to Colorado was so I could have access to nature and hiking. I got up everyday and lost myself in the woods. I am a explorer at heart and love going off the beaten path. One morning I woke up and decided I was going to climb a mountain. I walked into the kitchen and told Allison that I was going to hike Mount Garfield. Allison looked at me and asked if I was looking for a challenge.

Yes, a challenge is exactly what I need.

Be careful what you wish for. ;) I had looked at the reviews and had read that it was a difficult, hard, and challenging hike. I’ve been on several challenging hikes before, so I figured this wouldn’t be too big of a deal. My ego laughed at me when I thought this.

“What is My Mountain?”

This is the question I contemplated as I was climbing Mount Garfield. This climb caused me to confront how I go about challenging situations and embrace the part of me that wakes up and declares, “Today, I’m going to climb a mountain.” When I made it back to my car, I felt so accomplished and on fire. This was exactly what I needed. I needed to remind myself of how strong and capable I am. I needed to remind myself that I thrive off of challenges and need my own mountain to climb.

The next day as I was taking my daily walk within the labyrinth, I got a download. Every time I enter the labyrinth, I set an intention for my walk and open myself up to signs and answers. This day, I asked Spirit for guidance around the question, “What is my mountain?”.

Spirit: Write 30 blogs in 30 days.

Me: 30…? How about 15?

Spirit: No, 30.

Me: 20?

Spirit: No, you asked for a mountain. 30.

Me: Gulp. Okay, 30…

This is what happens when I try to negotiate after I get a clear message. I’m not as great of a negotiator as I think I am… The call to write has been with me for over a year now. I have dismissed it again and again. I’ve enrolled others in my writing a book, yet, I’ve been in major resistance around actually starting. I’ve come up with every excuse and avoidance tactic. Even though, I keep receiving the call in meditation to write. Even though my oracle cards tell me, “Get thee to thy desk and write!” Even though others ask how my writing is going…I allow time to pass by and wait for tomorrow to come.

So here is my mountain: 30 blog posts in 30 days.

As with most challenges I take on, starting is the hardest part. I sit in resistance for a while and then over-analyze each word and sentence I type. I erase, write again, and repeat. I have no idea where this challenge will take me or what topics and words will be uncovered in the process. I trust the guidance of my higher self and Spirit to guide me. I trust that whatever is meant to be written will be written. I trust that answers to many questions I hold will come to surface.

Where’d You Go, Robin?…You’ll have to read to find out.

I invite you to take some time to sit with the question “What is my mountain?” for yourself. Really sit with it and listen. What shows up for you?

Ways You Can Support the 30 Day Blog Challenge

I would love your support during this challenge. While I am taking on this challenge for myself, I trust that you will identify with my writing and read the posts that you are meant to read.

Subscribe to my newsletter so you receive posts on a daily or weekly basis.

Donate to my work. I’ve been writing this blog for 3 years now and produce all of my content for free. As an artist and creator, writing is my outlet for being fully self-expressed. Your support provides encouragement (and pays the bills) to keep going. <3

Share with your network. If you are inspired by my writing and this challenge, I’d appreciate you sharing it with anyone you feel will benefit.

Comment on the posts that speak to you. I’d love to hear your thoughts and learn which topics you relate to or identify with.

#climbing mountains #Challenge #vulnerability #human design #retreat #coaching #travel

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clcwedking · 5 years

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It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s DAKEN AKIHIRO/DAKEN, a VILLAIN from MARVEL! HE is SEVENTY THREE years old and look an awful lot like IAN ANTHONY DALE. I hear that they work as a MENACE TO LOGAN’S LIFE. Rumor has it they were AGAINST the Accords and ARE NOT registered under the new laws. I wonder what they’ll find with their new beginning! (luna, she/her, 27, aest)

This is so long i’m so sorry

KEY TO KNOW - THIS DAKEN IS FROM ANOTHER UNIVERSE

THIS UNIVERSE’S DAKEN ;;

(For anyone who has read What If? Wolverine: Father you will know this story - if not, read on)

The boy had the same origin - his mother was assassinated in an attempt to get to Logan. The key difference here: when Logan discovered Itsu’s body, he heard the baby’s heartbeat and was able to save him

Logan took the baby to a monastery in Japan to raise him in hopes that the discipline would raise him to be a better man

He named the baby John

John grew up and learned the ways of the monks at the monastery, but his nature - Logan’s nature - couldn’t be denied. He grew more violent, more angry, more disgruntled and unsettled as he got older

One day when he was around 12, Logan left for a few days to handle a few things. While he was gone, Sabertooth picked up on John’s scent, recognising it as being that of Logan and wanting to track him down. After killing a girl John had feelings for he threatened John’s life, holding him over the edge of a cliff while telling him the truth about his father

The emotion, anger, and fear in the moment kick started John’s mutation and his bone claws came out, stabbing straight into Sabertooth’s neck - of course his healing factor made this irrelevant, and he threw John off a cliff to punish Logan, and to test if he had the same healing factor as the rest of the family

John healed from the fall and returned to the monastery, and in his anger and rage he killed all the monks to leave Logan a message, before disappearing

He went to Tokyo and, as a result of his skill and instincts, he joined the Yakuza, quickly moving up the ranks, renaming himself Daken - meaning mongrel

By the time he reached the top he wanted more, wanted control of everything, and killed the head of the Yakuza, taking over himself at 22 years old

Then, Logan found him. They fought, Daken with his claws, Logan with his Muramasa blade, and Logan won. As a result of the blade used he couldn’t heal, and Logan was left to watch his son die.

Logan doesn’t remember any of this - because he’s lost his memories of his past he has no idea this happened. As a result, unless your character was alive and around in Japan from like 1960-1968 when he would’ve been in the Yakuza, they won’t know him either.

I am 100% up for characters feeling some kind of like multiverse weird vibe of maybe kind of knowing but not really knowing who this guy is!

THIS DAKEN’S HISTORY ;;

daken has a very tragic life i hope you’re ready. this is all taken from 616 Daken - unless your character is from that universe too, anyone mentioned here is from another verse!

Daken is the son of Logan and Itsu - a woman Logan fell in love with when he lived in Japan

Unfortunately that happy life he was hoping for was never meant to be - Itsu was heavily pregnant when she was killed, shot by the Winter Soldier in an attempt to draw Logan out

Logan returned to find her dead and, upon not being able to hear any heartbeats, assumed his baby was dead along with the woman he loved

Romulus appeared when Logan had left and removed the baby from Itsu’s womb - the baby had inherited Logan’s regenerative healing and had somehow survived the ordeal

Romulus left the baby with a wealthy Japanese couple who believed at the time that they could not conceive, and were happy to raise him as their own

Unfortunately his heritage was clear and, despite being given the name Akihiro by his adoptive parents, many in their village would use the slur “Daken”, meaning bastard dog

With so many treating him so poorly because of his heritage he grew up with a cold nature towards all but his father.

Unbeknownst to him at this point in his life, his pheromone control was beginning to kick in and was well outside of his control, largely focused on his mother and making her feel negatively towards him. With no idea what was causing it, Daken assumed his mother didn’t love him - something that only escalated when they were able to conceive, and Daken overheard her telling his father that she didn’t love Daken, and that they would soon be having their own child

When the baby was born Daken, wildly jealous, killed the baby and confronted his mother. His father was furious and disowned him, and his mother tried to kill him with a bayonet - this kicked off the rest of his mutant abilities and while trying to wave her away his bone claws came out and he killed her by accident

Unable to cope with the death of his wife and child, and unable to kill Daken, his adoptive father killed himself, leaving Daken alone

It was then that Romulus appeared and took him to the training camp in Canada Logan had been at decades earlier, to be cruelly trained by Silas Burr

He trained there for two years before being egged on by Romulus to attempt to kill his teacher, and in the process began learning to control his pheromone control

At this point Romulus began feeding Daken lies, telling him that Logan killed his mother and abandoned him, and as a result Daken grew with a need for vengeance on his father, wanting nothing more than to kill Logan for what he’d supposedly done to Itsu

He grew up adopting the nickname he’d hated as a child - Daken, over Akihiro - and began moving into a life of crime, stealing and murdering and doing his best to take over whatever criminal underworld he could

When he was given a tip as to where his father could be found he confronted him, resulting in a bloody fight where it was obvious Daken’s fighting abilities and prowess was very similar to Logan’s

The fight was interrupted by a hell of a lot of horrible stuff including more fighting and torture

He was later confronted by Logan and shot in the head by a carbonadium bullet - ironically by the Winter Soldier - to temporarily disable his healing factor so Logan could speak with him and tell him the truth

Lots more awful stuff happened in the mean time, Daken lost his memories for a bit and then got them back with some trauma added

Eventually he was recruited to join Norman Osborn’s Dark Avengers and agreed to join in hopes that he could lure out Cyclops and gain the Muramasa blade he had

He worked with the team for a time but he was never really loyal to Norman, always operating with ulterior motives

During this time he also made friends with Johnny Storm - by shooting him in the leg with an arrow in an attempt to frame Bullseye and lure the F4 in to work with him. He helped them break into Avengers Tower to steal info about Norman’s less than savoury ways but the plan failed thanks to Bullseye - evidence of Daken’s true nature was leaked online instead

Norman tried to push to improve Daken’s image which failed miserably, and when the Dark Avengers were later captured and arrested during the Siege of Asgard, he was the only one who escaped

Further fights with Logan ensued over time, not to mention he returned to his life of crime and working alone

He faked his death at some point and appeared in the F4 tower to ask Reed for help - his healing factor was having issues and he needed their help to fashion a claw-like weapon for himself before going off to work more in the criminal underworld

During this stint he met Laura who he thought of as nothing more than a clone of the man he’s hated his whole life - though they did end up working together

He then shifted to LA to try and take over the criminal underworld there, only to fail thanks to the effects of a drug called Heat which disabled his healing factor again, and LA ended disasterously

He then set his sights on Logan again, heading for NYC and planting bombs in Avengers Tower, the F4 tower, and the Jean Grey School before finding Logan and asking him to forgive him before blowing himself up. His goal had been to leave Logan with nothing.

Eventually he returned to life and formed a new Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, targeting Logan via Evan, wanting to turn him into Apocalypse. The ensuing mess resulted in Daken’s death at his father’s hands

He was brought back again by the Apocalypse twins as one of the Horsemen of Death

When Logan died he struggled to come to terms with the loss and how to deal with it, not having gotten his own revenge and struggling to reconcile the feelings of loss for a man he’d hated for so many decades. During this time he and Laura got closer, eventually developing more of a familiar relationship of a brother and sister

His life has swing between questionably noble for selfish reasons, and downright selfish and criminal depending on what suited him. He’s also died a couple more times, and has lost his left arm twice

Good to know/TLDR ;;

Daken absolutely hates Logan, believing that he was responsible for Itsu’s death and Daken’s horrific life full of torture and misery

Even so he has a propensity for the negative - his natural instincts are to be selfish and self preserving, something he’ll only ever ignore for a few select people like Laura and Gabby and Johnny

For someone who’s so selfish and will usually attempt to go for self-preservation, he’s really not good at being kind to himself. A life of torture and misery and confusion has made it hard to really bother taking care of himself

His healing factor seems to be linked to his mental and emotional state - his unsettled nature when Logan was killed made it hard for him to heal, especially to regenerate his arm when lost both times. Meditation to come to terms with his emotional state helped him recover

As much as he has a propensity for going back to criminal behaviour, he has expressed a desire to try and aim for better - unfortunately a life that’s been lived largely alone sees him return to more harmful and negative ways and leads back to a criminal life, or he’s pulled that way by his need for vengeance against Logan

He is very intelligent and strategically minded

Most recently Daken died again, but was only accompanied by Sabertooth and lady Deathstrike so there was no way for anyone to know what happened to him. when he was revived he was somehow brought back in this universe

Daken has the capacity to be good. He wants to, and has wanted to at numerous times in his life. At the very least he’s wanted to be better - but being in a universe where all anyone’s known him as is a bad guy, a violent man who does nothing but crime and murder and wreak havoc. Being in a whole new universe where no one knows him, what he is, what he’s done, definitely offers and opportunity to start with a completely clean slate, but Daken finds it difficult to ignore his natural instinct for bloodlust and violence so there’s a chance for him to be influenced either way!

Main Powers/Abilities ;;

Regenerative healing - the same as all other Wolverines, he has the ability to heal from injuries and loss of limbs

Superhuman factors - strength, speed, stamina, durability, agility, senses, and reflexes

Longevity

Weather adaption

Retractable bone claws - two from his knuckles and one from his wrist, pure bone rather than adamantium

Pheromone control - Daken has the ability to control people’s pheromones and emotional reactions as a result. He has demonstrated the ability to manipulate his pheromones for the purpose of suppressing his own scent to such a degree that even Wolverine's senses are unable to detect him. He can also use his pheromones to manipulate the emotional state and sensory perceptions of other beings. He has been known to use this power to instil intense fear, happiness, depression, sexual arousal, and a false sense of security to other beings. This allows him to seemingly appear where enemies can't see him, enabling him to inflect damage before an opponent realises it.

#beginagainintro #death tw #torture tw #suicide tw #drug use tw #bombs tw #guns tw #he's worse than noah lmao #if you read all of this you deserve a medal

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thealmightymushu · 5 years

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Warning: this is going to be a long entry, but if you are willing to read another viewer's opinion about the matter... you may proceed.

Just to put this out there, I am Team Rafael from start to now.

People need to give Rafael a break. Rafael is not perfect. Nor is Michael. Nor is Jane. It's like everyone forgot what Rafael did for Jane when Michael "died". He was there when Jane got the news of Michael's "death". There when she couldn't get the words out at Michael's funeral. There when she was having her break downs when she thought about Michael. He was there for her. On top of that! He made sure Jane didn't lose her passion for writing and always pushed her to write.

When Rafael found out that Michael is still alive, I can't blame him for defaulting to his coping mechanism of drinking and being distant towards Jane. Do I approve of this coping mechanism? Of course not. I think it's the most immature thing he could do, but guess what?! Rafael is human. I have to give Rafael props (and Jane too) for deciding not to repeat history - Jane being patient with Rafael, and Rafael being the bigger person to bring Michael back. We all know if Rafael didn't bring Michael back when he did, the truth of Michael being alive would've eventually come to light in the future and it would've strained Rafael and Jane's relationship.

I was upset with Rafael's behavior when Jane was in her muddle and confused state when Michael (or Jason at the time) came back. He should've known news like that is hard to process and it was going to be messy. However, Jane was also at fault too when she constantly gave Rafael reassurance that Michael/Jason being back would not change their relationship. When Rafael decided to send Jane away when he noticed her wavering, it was the best choice to make for both parties. Rafael has the right to protect himself emotionally (especially when Jane had already chosen Michael over him once before). His choice gave him the space he needs to collect himself emotionally while giving Jane the time to sort out her emotional mess.

Still with me? Cool. What I am going to talk about next, please do not take offense or quick to judge. This is just an opinion.

It annoys me when I see posts like: "Boo-hoo, Rafael needs Jane to keep him emotionally check" "Rafael is not being supportive towards Jane" "Rafael is toxic for Jane"

These types of posts disregard all the character development Rafael undergo throughout the series. He went from rich playboy > rich playboy (sort of), flirty, cancer survivor > learning to adjust to no money type of guy > humble average joe (or at least this is how I see it). However, Rafael and Jane both undergo character changes together throughout their relationship (as friends and romantic partner).

Jane, a strong and stubborn girl who always stuck to her plans and (let's be real) insist her methods are correct. Rafael challenged her (in a good way) and always remind her that her methods and thinking are not the only way. When Jane decided her being a teacher is the best (and safe) choice, he noticed that it wasn't where her heart truly lies and challenged her on her choice of being a teacher. I'm sure her family and Michael encouraged her to pursue her dreams, but Rafael encouraged and PUSHED her to pursue her dreams. Bringing back what I said before - all the times she was down in the slumps and discouraged about being a writer, Rafael was there to pick her up and push her to continue her passion. When the time came to decide whether or not Mateo is ready to be raised in the Catholic faith at a young age, he challenged her on the idea of starting Mateo young. He didn't disregard (nor disrespect) her religious faith, but rather "let's postpone on exposing Mateo to religion for now".

Jane also offered a challenge to Rafael as well. Challenge Rafael's rich mentality at the beginning of the series. Expose and teach him a world where money is not the highest priority. Taught him that he has value beyond money. When Rafael was sleeping with a wealthy older woman to get money for the hotel (and for the family), she reminds him that he doesn't need to resort to that method and that he can provide more to the family than just vast monetary wealth. Moreover, when Rafael found out his familial lineage (or the lack thereof), she gives him comfort and assurance that he does have a family (her, the rest of her family, Petra, and his three loving kids.

If you reached this far into my post, I commend you for sticking around. Moving on...

Do I disregard the whole Jane and Michael relationship? Of course not. What Jane and Michael had is irreplaceable. Michael is Jane's soulmate (or so she claims <- I say this because of what Alba says about soulmates being a telenovela thing and that Jane shouldn't base her decision on love with such concept). But speaking in the matter of the whole soulmates concept, Michael is ultimately Jane's soulmate. However, the idea of soulmates isn't always a romantic one. Soulmates can be best friends, siblings, parent-child, old-young, etc. Soulmates come in all types of relationships including a romantic one. Michael and Jane are soulmates who have explored their relationship in a romantic way. Due to the cruel stroke of fate (or Rose), they were unable to fully continue their romance. Michael was tortured, lost his memories, and lived a life as a different person. Jane grieved of the loss of her husband, learned to carry on with her life and find happiness again. They both have grown and become different people over the years. Like what Rafael said before (to Jane), she and Michael had a beautiful love story, and now it's time for Rafael and Jane to create their own. I do agree with the whole idea of bringing Michael back just use him as a plot device for Rafael and Jane relationship is a crappy one, this whole show is supposed to have telenovela troupes.

I could probably continue on and ramble, but I already took most of your time with you reading this long ass post.

Overall, people need to cut Rafael some slack. Let him be human.

#jane the virgin #jane villanueva #rafael solano #michael cordero #cwtv #cut him some slack guys

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tisfan · 6 years

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Time after Time

Nopennamesleft: Spending another day in the waiting room of the hospital. If you have a time for a prompt, I’d love to see something with one of the boys waiting by the bedside of the other.

A/N -- This prompt was left for me in a comment on A03 and I’m filling it because I love this person dearly, they’re a regular commenter on my fics. That said PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS to me. I spent like 20 minutes looking for this prompt. Send all prompt requests to my Tumblr askbox or to pillowfort

co-written with @27dragons Winteriron - sick fic, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending.

When Bucky is hit by a magical time bomb, he loses most of his memories... of the War, of his time as the Winter Soldier... but most importantly, of his husband.

The worst thing in the world was to be standing in the faded green corridor outside a hospital room, hands clenched together, the fingers wrenching at each other, as two experts calmly and quietly told Tony, “We don’t know what’s wrong with him.”

The bad guy was dead, killed in his own explosion, but Bucky had taken the backlash of the energy output, retreating last, as was his habit. Normally, Tony would have said something as minor as an explosion couldn’t hurt his husband, but Bucky had been unconscious, and had remained so for a few days.

And when he’d woken up, finally, he hadn’t recognized anyone. Bucky had panicked, screamed, fought. Medical staff had been forced to sedate him. Watching him crumple onto the floor, dressed in a hospital down, face twisted with fear… maybe that had been worse.

Tony gritted his teeth. “What do you mean-- No, that’s not fair. You don’t know. Okay. But you’re working on it, right? You’re going to figure this out.”

“Of course, Mr. Stark,” the lead doctor said. “We’ve called in some experts in neurological damage. If you -- or any of the other Avengers, really -- could look into what sort of explosive device? We’re detecting some anomalies in Mr. Barnes’ blood that make no sense. If we knew more about what caused it, we can treat the symptoms, at least.”

“Send the workup on the anomalies to me,” Tony said. “I have some people I can put on it. And I’ll disassemble the remains of the device myself. I was just... waiting for him to wake up.” He swallowed past the lump in his throat. Bucky had woken up. It just hadn’t been as much of a relief as Tony had hoped.

(more under the cut)

He waited until the doctors had gone on their way, then closed his eyes and took a few deep, fortifying breaths before going back into Bucky’s room. “Hey there, sweetheart,” he said softly. Bucky was still unconscious, and maybe it was better that way, until they figured out why he’d forgotten them all. He brushed back Bucky’s hair and leaned over to kiss Bucky’s forehead. “We’re going to fix this. I promise.”

Tony had always noticed, when he’d visited Steve from time to time, or Wilson, or even Clint, how much smaller and less heroic everyone looked in a hospital bed. There were tubes in Bucky’s elbow and machines hooked up that detected his heartrate and oxy count. His metal arm was swathed in bandages to hide it from him, since the first time he’d woken up, he’d tried -- and horrifically, nearly succeeded -- to remove it. The second time he woke up, staff had convinced him that the first wake up was accompanied by vivid hallucinations and that he’d been badly burned, which is why he didn’t feel any pain in that arm.

Tony wasn’t sure the lies were going to do any good in the end, but they were all somewhat at a loss.

What did you do with a super-powered human who didn’t know they were super powered?

He was a danger to others, like this. He was a danger to himself.

Didn’t mean looking at him, with the adamantite cuff holding him to a reinforced bed, didn’t hurt any less.

“I love you.” Tony swallowed again. It was the hardest thing he’d ever done, ever, to walk away from Bucky’s bedside. But he needed to fill the others in on the utter lack of answers. He needed to get the doctors’ records and analyses to people who could, perhaps, make sense of them. And he needed to strip the remains of that damn bomb down to its component atoms, if necessary, to figure out how to bring his Bucky back.

Steve was the first person on his feet, as soon as Tony entered the waiting room. It couldn’t have been any easier on him; having Bucky forget Steve, his best friend, more than once, even. It was… mind-numbingly awful, or it would have been, if Tony had been able to get his mind to go numb. He wasn’t sure that was possible.

“Is he okay?”

Nat was there, too, in the waiting room. The important people in Bucky’s life that he’s forgotten club. They should get jackets.

“He’s... resting. Physically, he’s as healthy as he’s ever been. The doctors found some anomalies in his system. They’re going to send me the details, and I’ll feed that to Bruce and Helen. Otherwise... they have no idea what happened.”

“He didn’t get hit on the head,” Clint supplied. “Just finished my scan of the street-feeds. He just… well, look.” Clint popped up the 3D reconstruction, showing the ripple of the bomb’s massive energy release, which hit Bucky full force, and then reached about another meter or so beyond him before dissipating.

Bucky in the film didn’t do more than stumble, shoved by the blast wave.

What did happen was that he blinked, looked around wildly as if he had no idea where he was. Reached up to scrub at his face and saw--

He had stared down at his metal hand as if he’d never seen it before. Turned it slowly, and then screamed. Started trying to get inside his tactical armor, but the fastenings were unfamiliar, he didn’t know where the autozips were. Scrambled at his uniform, tearing the fabric and nano-mesh.

Screamed again, and then went to his knees, still staring at the outstretched hands.

He collapsed, sobbing with terror, and then, mercifully, blacked out.

“No head trauma,” Tony observed. He was shaking all over, just from watching the footage and being unable to comfort his husband. “So it’s not standard amnesia.”

Natasha reached out and caught his hand, squeezing it tightly, trying to comfort him. He gave her full credit for the attempt, but he wasn’t going to feel right again until Bucky came back to himself.

God, what if he never... Tony closed his eyes and let himself hang onto Natasha like a lifeline. “He can’t be gone. He can’t.”

“Buck’s tough,” Steve said, as if anything about any of this was reasonable, rational, or had anything to do with physical strength. “If he can come back from Hydra, he can come back from… whatever this is. I just know it.”

Nat took pity on him, because she knew him so well. “Go home,” she said. She didn’t tell him to rest, or eat something, or even to take care of himself, because she knew that he wouldn’t. “Dig into this, and we’ll let you know if there are any changes.”

“The instant anything changes,” Tony insisted, because he had to, not because he thought they wouldn’t. “I don’t care where I am or what I’m doing. I have to... to be here.”

“We know,” Nat said, and she brushed her mouth over his cheek in a light kiss. “But you can’t be here, not right now.”

“He’s awake,” Steve reported, panting for breath. Steve seldom ran short of breath, so Tony was going to assume he was experiencing stress, rather than fatigue. “But he doesn’t-- he thinks it’s 1940. That he’s twenty-three years old, that he’s never even been drafted. He knows who I am, but he doesn’t remember how I got this way. Doesn’t trust me.”

Tony stared at Steve dumbly for a long moment, trying to process that. 1940. “So he... he knows who he is. Sort of. That’s... that’s a step.” It was better than the worst-case scenarios that Tony’s brain couldn’t seem to stop spinning every time he tried to rest. Tony shoved his hand through his hair. Christ, in 1940, Bucky hadn’t even been a soldier yet. He was just a kid, really. “It gives us somewhere to start, anyway. I guess. Anyone tried to explain to him what happened? In a general sort of way, obviously, since I’m still trying to separate the tech-bits from the magic-bits on this damn bomb?”

“Well, Buck-- he was always into that future stuff, when we were kids,” Steve said. “He, uh… kinda thinks we’re either aliens who’ve kidnapped him, or some sort of Things to Come, Chandu the Magician science fiction crap going on. He was… they didn’t have to sedate him again, but he only stopped resisting because they said they were going to.”

“Science fiction crap is definitely on the right path,” Tony said, a sad smile tugging at his lip. Bucky was an adorable nerd and Tony loved him for it. It was good to know -- well, have it confirmed -- that it was a longtime trait. “You keep... filling him in. Maybe find him some of those biographies about him? The ones that were written before... you know, the Winter Soldier. He’s probably still too freaked out to cope with all that.”

Steve nodded. “You should… you should go visit. Nat thinks it’ll be good for him to see people who care about him, even if he doesn’t remember. Since we can’t, you know, bring his family in.” The last of Bucky’s siblings had passed on from extreme old age a few years back, and while he had grand nieces and nephews, those relationships were still tentative, all the way around. Hard to cope with, for them, and for Bucky as well.

Tony drew a shaky breath. “Yeah, okay. I’ll... I’ve got some magic-gunk samples I want to drop with Strange, and then I’ll head to the hospital.” That was going to hurt. A lot. But if it would help, Tony would do goddamn near anything.

“Nat’s with him, now,” Steve said. “Thought I’d grab some food, and a little sleep, before I head back.” He squeezed Tony’s shoulder, bracingly. “He’s alive. There’s still hope, Tony.”

“Trust you to be all chin-up Captain Optimism about it,” Tony gibed, though his heart really wasn’t in the banter. He desperately, desperately wanted Steve to be right. “Go fuel the righteousness and get some rest, Steve.”

“I remember when I thought the world’s problems could be solved by socking Hitler in the jaw,” Steve said. “I miss those days, sometimes.”

It would have been nice, Tony supposed, if the guy who’d done this had lived through it, and therefore, could be blamed and held accountable. But no, he’d vaporized himself, along with half the city block and the last half century or so of Bucky’s memories. Pity. Tony would have liked to punch that guy.

Nat was nowhere to be found when Tony arrived at the hospital. In further fact, Bucky was alone, and awake, in his hospital room when Tony walked in.

Bucky glanced up and a strange spasm of emotion crossed his handsome features before they smoothed out again. “So, what’s your story?” he scoffed. “My long-forgotten kiddie school teacher?”

Yeah, Tony had been right. This was going to hurt. But he and Bucky had promised not to lie to each other, no matter what, and even if this Bucky didn’t know that, it went against the grain to do anything else. “Nothing as easy as that,” Tony said, lowering himself into the horrible chair that was in the room for visitors. “I’m actually your husband, here in the future.”

“That’s jus’ about the least believable thing anyone’s told me yet,” Bucky snorted, his voice straining for calmly rational, although there was a nervous stutter near the end, and his eyes darted wildly around the room to see if anyone else was listening. If anyone… knew. The face of a kid who’d just been outed in front of his church group.

“I know it must sound crazy,” Tony said. “But it’s really true. I know, right now I probably don’t look like any kind of a prize, but we’re actually... We’re role models, we’re hope for a lot of people who have been afraid to be themselves.”

Bucky glowered, not the crazy-eyed assassin that Tony sometimes saw come out when they were Avenging, but a young man who was desperately frightened and trying not to be. “I ain’t-- who tol’ you I was some sort of nancy-boy queer?”

God, it was his Bucky’s face, but that expression, that voice was so young. Something in his chest squeezed until Tony began to wonder if he were going to have a heart attack. “You did,” he said gently. “You told me you’d figured it out when you were, what, fourteen? Watching Joey Kinley lighting candles at church.”

Bucky’s eyes got huge, rounded, and his mouth dropped open. “I never… I never tol’ anyone,” he said, voice a tiny little thing wrapped around a huge confession. “Thought God would strike me dead, right there on the spot. Was gonna go to hell and no one was going to mourn me. I told… I told you that?”

“Yeah. I don’t think it was easy, but you did. We were still dating then, had been seeing each other for about six months.”

A mix of terror, anxiety, and somehow, like he was putting down a huge burden that he’d carried for as long as he could remember, relief, crossed Bucky’s face. “Uh… what’s your name?”

“Tony.” He wondered briefly if Bucky would connect the dots, then mentally shrugged and added, “Stark. Tony Stark.”

“Yeah,” Bucky said, not like he was agreeing, but just filling up the space. “Damn, Joey, I… he had just the prettiest brown eyes I ever saw, like… like velvet. My ma had a velvet collar on one of her coats, it was so soft. Th’ softest thing I ever touched. Did I tell you that? It don’t… what you say, it don’t feel real, I feel… lost.”

He shifted a little to look straight at Tony. “You have brown eyes, jus’ like he did. Can you look right at me an’ swear, swear this is real, this is really happening?”

Bucky’s eyes were wide and scared and still so goddamned young, and Tony wanted to just gather Bucky up in his arms and promise that everything was going to be okay, but he didn’t think Bucky would welcome such close contact, not yet. That didn’t stop Tony from needing it, though. “I swear,” he said. “I swear on, on my parents’ graves, that I’m telling you the truth, that this is real. That we’re married and it’s been the best damn two years of my entire life, and I love you with everything in me, and I’m not going to stop until we find a way to help you.”

Tony wasn’t even sure if Bucky realized that he was crying; it wasn’t really full on weeping, just a shimmer in those pale, blue eyes. He blinked rapidly and the tears vanished into sparkles along his eyelashes. “I--”

Which of course was when Nat strolled in, a weapon’s satchel over her shoulder. “S dobrym utrom,” she greeted him in cheery Russian, then paused. “Tony--”

Tony’s Russian was never going to be as good or unaccented as Nat or Bucky’s, but he did understand it.

He wasn’t sure who was more shocked, Bucky, or himself, when Bucky returned Nat’s good morning without hesitating. “Do you know when I can leave?”

“Ha!” Nat said, grinning and returning to English. “I thought that might work. Sorry to interrupt, Tony.”

Bucky looked shocked, nearly to the point of comedy. Tony jumped out of the chair and flung his arms around Natasha, because he needed to hug someone. “He’s still in there,” Tony gasped. “It’s not gone, just... hidden.”

“He is,” Nat agreed. “You are. He is.”

“What… what was that, what did I say, is this… witchcraft?” Bucky stammered.

“As far as we can tell,” Nat said, “yes. Ever use a gun before, Barnes?”

“No,” Bucky said, forehead wrinkling. “Was the welterweight boxing champion two years running. Never needed more than my fists, to--”

Nat rummaged in the bag and pulled out Bucky’s favorite short range pistol. “Field strip that for me, soldier.” She tossed it on the bed, where it bounced between Bucky’s knees.

Bucky picked it up doubtfully, handling it almost gingerly. It looked foreign on Bucky, who was so casually comfortable handling firearms that he nearly looked naked without one. “Look at me,” Tony suggested. “Don’t think about the gun, you’ll just get in your own way. Look at me and tell me something about... Oh, about Steve.”

Bucky turned his chin at the sound of Tony’s voice, hands moving automatically, the gun turning from a strange, alien object into his trusted weapon, into an extension of himself. “Uh, well, one time, we were jus’ near to getting done with schoolin’ and he had to miss a bunch of it, he caught scarlet fever, and he couldn’t draw or write or nothing. His hands were shaking. But we had this stupid essay to write, and he didn’t want to fail. So he told me what to write, and I… I used my right hand to do it, so that it would look all shaky, like Steve’d done it his own self.”

Tony kept looking at Bucky, holding that gaze, but by the time Bucky was half a sentence in, his hands started moving, methodically stripping the gun and laying out the parts on the blanket. When his eyes started to drift, Tony drew him back. “Well don’t leave me in suspense,” he cajoled. “Did he get a passing grade?”

“He did,” Bucky said. “In English an’ art, but he failed outta history.” Bucky put the last piece of the weapon down and then stared at the neat layout. “Am I possessed? You gonna call a preacher t’ get the devil out of me? Husband an’ knowin’ and… what is fucking going on here?” His voice spiralled up in a panic, and then--

“You have retrograde episodic memory loss,” Nat said, cutting through the panic. “You remember everything that happened to you before-- whatever happened to send you back to 1940. But all your procedural memory is intact. You know how to do things. Your skills aren’t lost to you.” She shoved a pad of paper onto the bed along with a pen. “Sign your name.”

Bucky didn’t hesitate, plucking the pen out of her hand with his left hand. He scrawled and then stared at his signature. J. Barnes-Stark.

Tony swallowed against tears of relief. He was still in there. They were going to find a way to bring him back. “Told you,” he said, making it as light as possible. “You’re going to be okay.”

“Procedural memory, huh?” Bucky wondered. “I just… know how t’ do these things, because I learned it? Before… after? I will have learned this?” He chewed his lip for a moment, then crooked a finger at Tony. “Only one way t’ be sure, I guess.”

Tony stepped closer, raising an eyebrow. “What’s that?”

Bucky appeared to brace himself, like he was about to put his hand in a fire, then--

Tony was being kissed.

He’d kissed Bucky hundreds, probably even thousands of times, sweet and soft, or rough and dirty and everything in between. Like the first time they’d kissed, or the last time they’d kissed, it was both perfect and extraordinary and utterly familiar. His lips knew the shape of Bucky’s mouth, his tongue knew that taste, his hands went around Bucky’s shoulders, fingers curling in the same, familiar pattern. Bucky’s hands were in Tony’s hair and he was doing that thing, where he brushed his thumbs along the underside of Tony’s ears. That thing that made Tony weak in the knees, every single time.

Tony groaned and sagged against the bed, all but climbing right onto Bucky’s lap. He fell into the kiss with a desperate, frantic need, clutching at Bucky’s shoulders and then sliding down Bucky’s arms, tracing at the seams of the metal arm and holding on as tight as he could. “Oh god,” he rasped when Bucky finally drew back a little, and slumped forward, resting his forehead against Bucky’s.

“You sure as hell kiss me like you know what you’re doin’,” Bucky said, touching his lips lightly with his fingers. “That…. That was so weird, like… kissin’ you for the first time, but… not.” He suddenly went tomato red, eyes darting over to Nat, who was casually looking out the window, as if she wasn’t the least bit affected by their display.

“I’d tell you to get a room, but… you have a nice one here, and I’ll just… see myself out,” Nat said.

“Yeah, go on,” Tony said, grinning. “Go give Steve the good news.”

Nat disappeared in one of her characteristic fades, the door barely making a sound as she closed and probably secured it behind her.

“Tony--” Bucky said… “we’re. Actually married? Like, that’s allowed?” When Tony nodded, he held up one finger, then added. “Do you… do you love me? Could you say… like you always say it?”

Tony leaned in close, nuzzling very lightly at Bucky’s temple, breathing in the familiar scent. “Love you, snowflake.”

“Love you, too, dollface,” Bucky told him, and his eyes were wide and shining again. He stroked Tony’s cheek with his fingers. “Guess… guess I must, ‘cause… I feel that. Right in here--” he touched his chest. “You’ll… you’re gonna wait for me, right? While it all comes back?”

“As long as it takes, I’m here for you, sweetheart,” Tony promised.

#winteriron #tony x bucky #bucky barnes #tony stark #sick fic #hurt/comfort #angst with a happy ending

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musictatertot · 6 years

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Walking a mile in their shoes

The latest rwby episode was so fantastic and sad in so many ways. Roosterteeth, Crwby, Monty (rest in peace friend), and every person involved in this show are so talented and this is one of the very few rare times I have no complaints over story telling devices and holes in the story. Typically I always have one or two either towards plot line concienences or, my main focus, character development. So many times there have been characters that reacted, well, out of character simply for the purpose of pushing the plot where the creator wants it to go. Which is fine! It's their creation and I still love the worlds they have built, but if the development isn't realistic to the character I feel a little dissapointed.

Rwby has not done that, at least from my pint of view (small issue about Hazel's motives being pushed to the side until we can learn more about how that all went down). This is kind gonna get long, so if you're not interest slip away friends! Just wanted a place to rant and rave about a beautiful show to show my appreciation!

I have... a lot of thoughts. And there is a text limit... T-T for this post I will be just talking about Ruby. Next one will be Yang, then Blake, then Weiss. Definitely Oscar, Ozpin, and Qrow! Let me know if you guys are interested on hearing my thoughts a out any one else. These are really just to show my appreciation to the show!

Ruby Rose

I've always loved Ruby, and not just because she's a scythe weilding badass with a heart of gold! She reminds me a heck of a lot of my baby sister. Sweet, caring, and always wanting to do the right thing for the right reasons. Also like my sister she can be sad, pensive, and unsure. Specifically in volume five and the episodes so far on volume six. The world is literally falling apart around her and now she has learned it has always been falling apart. She just hadn't known it.

I especially love Ruby because, even with all the trials, changes, and losses she has faced her main goal has never changed.

She wants to help people.

The ways she helps them, and the ways she views the world has been constantly changing but that key aspect of her character remains unchanged.

I had a lot of mixed feelings about the most recent episode but Ruby stuck to her beliefs and actions through and through. Her one question to Ozpin reflected her own internal struggle perfectly.

Does Ozpin have a plan to stop Salem?

The answer, sadly but truthfully, was no. And now I think Ruby is going to have to face, for the first time, a disconnect between her goals and her feelings.

I base this belief on her mother, Summer Rose, Pyrrha, and Penny (with a heavier focus on Summer).

Previous mentions of Summer have showcased the love Ruby has for her. She still visits her mother's grave to tell her about what has happened in her life so far. She seems a little awkward, a little hesitant, but she was very young when Summer died and even with beloved family members it is entirely possible to feel a little like strangers. That doesn't make the love you feel for them any less, it just makes it harder to express.

In the Red Like Roses soundtracks we see the other side of losing a loved one. Grief. A feeling of deep, deep loss. Bitterness. Guilt.

Ruby is not a bitter person, no. However, death leaves such and unbearably heavy mark on a person's heart that it creates new feelings, ones almost impossible to name sometimes, that have never been experienced before. Those who have lost loved ones can deeply empathize with this, and those who have yet to experience this can empathize on a lighter level, but I think we can all agree that it is a difficult thing to process.

And it never really goes away.

You can move on, certainly, and find happiness in other parts of your life. You can go days without being struck by the overwhelming pain of them not being there.

You can also be doing something completely mundane and something, perhaps a flash of color in you peripheral vision, or certain smell or sound, will remind you of them. Remind you that they are not there and suddenly it is like you lost them all over again.

I believe this will be the case for Ruby.

Things have been hectic in her life. Beacon, Haven, her team breaking apart before coming back together, the train.

Pyrrha. Penny.

Two more losses, far more fresh in her mind.

With the crash and the high tension I doubt much was on her mind except what was happening right in front of her.

Now though. Now when they are at a monetary laps in action, holed away in a farm and everyone needing their own space. Now I doubt her mind will let her think of anything else.

Why did her mother, Pyrrha, and Penny have to die?

Originally it was:

Summer- To do the right thing and protect people that needed her.

Pyrrah- In a fight she new she couldn't win, because it was the right thing to do.

Penny- to make a statement.

Ruby was able to cope with these three deaths because she could have hope that they would not be in vain. And now she has learned there is no plan. There was never a plan. They died... for nothing.

Pyrrha clearly knew none of this. Penny, highly doubtful. Did her mother? Had her mother known she was fighting a battle she couldn't win as well?

If she did know then did she choose an unwinnable battle over Ruby?

If she had not known, would the knowledge have made her pick Ruby just like Ruby had always wished she had?

I am am sure she has a strong sense of empathy towards Ozpin after watching his past, but that empathy will war with her long lasting feelings towards those that have died. I don't think she will lash out at Ozpin when he eventually (hopefully) returns but I'm expecting some heavy emotional talks. (I'm expecting to learn how Summer died damn it! Is that one crazy fan theory right?! Is Summer actually Zwei?! I need to know!)

Whether the show chooses to showcase those thoughts is up to the writers, there is only so much time in an episode after all, but I hope that we might get a new song that delves into that if they are unable to fully get around to it.

I trust Ruby's core. Who she is, through and through. She is a good person who just wants to help. Her emotions and the actions of those around her, however, will determine how she chooses to help, and I can't wait to see what the writers have in store for us there!

#rwby #rwby volume 6 #so that's how it is #ruby rose #Summer Rose #ozpin #pyrrha nikos #penny polendina #rwby jinn #salem rwby #rwby thoughts

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