#she’s going to move 4 hours away to where I was born and where my grandpa is buried

[gaiathemexicanbeauty]

it only takes a taste | mike schmidt x reader

word count: 1.6k

warnings: none! this is just pure fluff and maybe kind of slowburnish lol

this was loosely based off of it only takes a taste from the waitress musical! :3

idk i just really like the idea of late nights with mike even if he's too tired to even think straight lmao

also don't ask what time period this takes place in, i was born in 2004 and know like 2 things about the 70s-90s or whenever the movie takes place bc its never explicitly mentioned

i also do not regularly bake or cook so do not be afraid to go to my comment section and tell me if something sounds off

i love this man ok, i have said it 1000 times already but i've been in love with him ever since i first saw him when i was like 12 or 13 and was even more so obsessed with rebornica's mike design for YEARS. 12 year old me would have an aneurism if she knew about the fnaf movie

you let out a long yawn, one hand reaching up cover your mouth so as not to potentially ruin the mood of any customers around; granted, there was only two and they were graveyard shifters from somewhere outside of town but customers are customers. you'd been working at sparky's for a couple of months now, figuring it was an easy way to make some cash and keep food on the table. of course, you hadn't accounted for the very long hours that passed where you half debated trying to sneak away since no was around from 2-4:00 am: your boss would kill you, though, and you wanted to stay employed.

soft oldies music plays in the background as you glance over at the clock ticking away on the wall. just as you move to grab a rag to clean the counters for the 5th time during your shift, you hear the bell above the entrance jingle and don't even have to look up to know who it is.

mike wasn't a regular at first, just someone who popped in at random and very quietly asked for a coffee. after a while of starting a new job, he started coming in at almost 11:00 pm everyday and always asking for the same thing: just a plain, black coffee. "seriously?" you had said with a smirk the first time he said his order to you, your eyes widening at the attitude you had just given a customer. fortunately, mike was quick to respond with a tired but good natured laugh, his hands folded in front of him. "i'm all ears if you have other recommendations." he mumbled with a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, giving you instant relief.

now, it was just clockwork. "hey." mike sighs with a soft sigh, rubbing a hand over his eyes as he takes a seat at a chair by the counter you were standing behind. "coffee machine is kind of acting up tonight, you're gonna have to give it a minute. want anything else while you wait?" you say as you approach the counter, giving him a quick smile. mike is about to decline your offer, his lips parting to say something before his eyes land on something on the farther end of the counter. "what about that? still good?" "you're just in time. i was going to take the rest of it home." you say with a smile, walking over to the cake stand holding an apple pie with only 3 slices left of it. you take the lid off to plate it, handing it over to mike with a hum before bringing him utensils. you don't even get the chance to bring up to him that the slices have been sitting there for a couple of hours, blinking in shock at the way he's quick to start eating.

you turn your back to start taking down the chalkboard advertising the special from the day before, giving mike his one moment of quiet you were sure he needed. you start to think about what your day will consist of once you're done with your shift, dreading having to clean your room before you can actually sleep. "did you make this?" "yeah. why, is it bad?" you say with a chuckle, turning to look at mike again; your eyes widen a bit at the way mike is looking at you, his own eyes looking at you like he can't believe what he just put it in his mouth. "no, no, it's..it's really good, like. really good." your cheeks redden a bit at the sudden compliment, pushing a piece of hair behind your ear as you occasionally glance at him enjoying the pie you'd made; you wouldn't say you were amazing at cooking but you definitely knew enough to make a meal that would do more than just feed you.

it also didn't help that you'd been harboring a crush on mike for the past month. that you were aware of, he didn't have a partner of any kind but that might have been more to do with the fact he didn't have time for one than anything else. you at first brushed it off as just not having contact with anyone your age that late at night, just enjoying his company when nights got lonely. but you couldn't deny the way you would style your hair a bit differently or try a new perfume in the hopes of getting a compliment from mike; to your absolute pleasure, he almost always pointed it out. now to hear this sudden praise for your cooking took you out of your element.

"thanks, really, but i make it all the time. i can make thousands like it and they'll all be the same." you say with a light chuckle, crossing your arms against your chest as you look over at the cake stand sheepishly. "then maybe you should consider getting a day job making these instead." mike says between bites, giving you a playful smile. you can't help but scoff despite the smile on your face, looking over at mike again. "well, if it's that easy, maybe YOU should quit your job and come and join me. keep me company." the two of you have a quiet laugh, your cheeks reddening at the indirect compliment you had paid him. once his plate is empty, you take it away from him just to have an excuse to do something with your hands (also to get away from the almost fond look that mike was giving you right now, definitely not on par for him). there's a tense silence between the two of you before mike speaks up, clearing his throat when he speaks. "uh, i tried making that at home. the pie, i mean. i don't remember what kind it was right now, but it definitely didn't end as well as that." he says with a nervous laugh, hands folded in front of him again as you hear the coffee machine start to pour out his drink.

"well, what exactly did you do wrong?" with surprisingly no hesitance, mike goes on to tell the story of how sure he was about this recipe he'd seen in a catalogue, going above and beyond to make sure this "stupid thing" (his words) came out right. little did he know leaving his creation unattended for even a second would result in smoke pouring out of the oven and having to throw out a charred-black pastry; "and then abby went and acted like we could just go and do it all over again and.." mike starts, hands waving around uncharacteristically as he finished off his story. he caught the way you were trying to hold back a laugh, fingers pressed to your lips that were etched into a small smile. "it's ok, you can laugh all you want. i never tried doing it again." you can't help the laugh that leaves you once he gives you his full permission, still trying to keep your voice down. "i-i'm sorry, really.." you giggle once you've calmed down, rubbing your hands over your face before you start to walk around the counter to where mike is sitting. "but that's not how making a pie works. you can't just leave it like that or give up on the process that easily."

mike makes a face that says 'i'm listening', shrugging his shoulders when you sit on the stool next to him. "making a pie is like.." you start with a sigh, hands propping up your chin in thought as you look up at the clock. "you just know when some things feel right. if something is too much or too little, whether you need to start again or not. lord knows i've had to redo entire pies because the crust wasn't flaky enough or the filling didn't taste like apples enough." you say, chuckling a bit as you remember all the times you'd slaved away for almost entire days trying to nail down the perfect home recipe. you take a minute to think again, sitting back a bit as you smooth down your apron tied around your waist. "and it also doesn't help if you make something just to make something. when you bake or just cook a plain old steak, you have to make it like you're crafting a story or making a song. all of my best meals were made with someone or something in mind."

your cheeks go red again when you realize the very unprompted ramble you went on, a nervous laugh leaving you as you look down at your lap. "sorry, you totally don't have to-" "no, no, i-" the two of you jump a bit at the way you both try to speak first, sheepish smiles tugging at your lips before you go quiet again. the bell above the door jingles and you don't have to look up to know the two of you are alone now. "i like hearing about that sort of stuff. i really only hear about it when i'm here with you and it's..nice. different." your heart soars and you can only hope that mike can't somehow feel or hear it, trying to give him a warm smile without saying something you'll regret. you get up from your seat with a when he checks his watch, knowing that's code for 'i need to go' even before he stands. you're almost sure he'll leave without saying anything which you are simultaneously grateful for and hoped he wouldn't do, already busying yourself with some other menial task. "hey."

you look up almost as soon as he speaks, seeing the smile tugging at his lips and not able to contain your own. "save those leftovers for me. i hope it still tastes like you were trying to make it for me when i get back." he says, a smug look in his eyes as your lips part a bit in shock. you try to call out to him before he jogs out to his car, taking off accordingly.

-> ta da its done! :D <-

this was honestly less romantic than i wanted it to be but i promise that my brain is racked with thoughts of him literally EVERY DAY so mayhaps i can write something else that's more up to par one of these days

but thank yall for reading! :D i haven't been able to pump out a oneshot like this for a while and it felt good to write something longer than a couple of paragraphs, i have missed this account sm 🐺💗 love yall and i hope that you all are having a fantastic day!

[cosmiethe]

#12D0123F ❞ THE LAMP.

── ౨ৎ ‧˚ ft. miguel o'hara/wife!reader

synopsis: in which your husband does what he shouldn't have.

・⸝⸝ mini-series (3/4), angst, no comfort, arguing, implied murder, cursing, delusional character, no use of y/n

navigation | spider-verse masterlist | back · next

Hours turned into days, and days to weeks. But somewhere across them, Miguel finally did it. Those countless nights without sleep, the dark circles under his eyes, his body now skeletonized and scrawny—a sight you couldn't bear to see. 

Oh, how your soul pitied him.  

Miguel’s eyes lit up for the first time in months watching the portal open. No longer dull and lifeless from his past failures. 

He smiled. The seeds of obsession he planted have finally borne fruit. His efforts were not in vain. 

Eyes glued to the monitor, Miguel watches you run around the park chasing Gabby as she tries her best to get away from you, giggling all the way. His heart filled at the sight of you two together. Alive.

His mood soon turns sour seeing the other him. No matter. He could easily get rid of him and be done with it. To live a life with you forever? He would do anything.

Miguel turns from the monitor, reaching his bony fingers towards the portal – ready to enter. He sucked in a breath and started moving forward. As he inched closer, he felt the wind and heat of this new world caress his fingers. 

“Miguel!” Someone yelled behind him. 

His head whips back to see who called. His eyes met Jessica, her baby resting on her hip. Next to her, he sees Peter. 

Peter Benjamin Parker. 

The name of the man who called interrupting him from reuniting with his love, staring wide-eyed at him with what could be seen as horror and disbelief. 

“I thought we talked about this Mig!” Peter yells again. “You take one step in there and everything is fucked. You, out of all people know that.”

Miguel holds Peter’s gaze, begging for him to step back. But then they shift to Mayday, snug on Peter’s chest, and Jessica’s child. Why do they get a say in what he does for his family and he can't? Why is his family gone and theirs isn't? 

It was simply unfair.

“You are not gonna make me the bad guy here,” Miguel laughed, venom dripping in his tone. “Every time I see Mayday I’m reminded of my daughter. Every day I see you go home to your loved ones when I can't. And I'm the bad guy for wanting to see my family again?” 

Scowling, he continues. “Don't act as if you didn't try to do what I was about to Peter. You’d all do the same if it were you.” He taunted. 

“They aren't your family Miguel,” Jessica beseeches. “They don't know you. You are not their Miguel.” 

Peter steps forward. “She's right. You'd be an imposter in their world, an anomaly. Think about it, your wife believed you were a hero. What would she feel knowing what you were about to do now, deliberately destroying another dimension?”

“Keep her name out of your mouth, Parker.” 

“Miguel just listen to us, please! She’s going to die again and again and again if you go through with this.” Peter pleads once more. 

But Miguel had already made up his mind long ago.

“Then I'd gladly find every dimension where she exists and repeat the process.” 

“Yeah? And what happens when you've gone through all dimensions with her in it? What then?” Jessica questions, trying to reason with him.

“I'd find a new way to get to her.”

“You can't be serious.” She breathes out, mortified.

With that, Miguel injected himself one final time. He looked to the portal once more, watching you pack up your stuff, ready to leave the park – the other him no longer in sight.

Drawing in a deep breath, he walks in. 

The ignored yells of his name from behind have now faded out. He didn't care about a single thing but you.

back | next

Credits: [divider/s] @/benkeibear, [editor/beta reader/co-writer] @/nastygyal

Notes: My editor forgets to reply when I text her and I forget to check Discord when school consumes me

[minicoffee00]

Fast Changes - Part 5 Azriel x Reader

Plot: You are Feyre’s younger twin and get sent into the Cauldron with your sisters coming out as high fae. What happens on this journey

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 🌶️

Warnings: SMUT, wingplay, fingering, sex

After accepting the bond, Azriel had taken Y/N back to his room, she asked to stay with him that night. She for the first time in months didn't feel alone.

She was only to blame for that feeling, where she had distanced herself from everyone but the Shadowsinger, but in that mind of her's it was the only way to keep the silence.

"Are you alright" he asks, she'd been in the bathroom for a concerning amount of time and he was starting to worry if she was regretting her actions from earlier. He didn't deserve this amazing female that was sat on the bed next to him.

"Yes, I'm just not sure what to wear. As your mate I expect you want me to look pleasant in bed, so im debating what to wear" she answers. He genuinly cant beleive her, this of all things is what was stressing her out.

"Sweetheart you wear what you feel comfotable in. I will always want to ravish you, morning noon, and night. In anything you wear that wont change my feeling for you" he smiles, she exists in his shirt, a black one that swamped her smaller frame.

"Come, lets go to sleep" he gestures for her to get into bed with him, he was currently laying on his back under the covers, with the side she was supposed to sleep on pulled up to let her in.

She slowly climbed in next to him, she was in a sat position noticing his wings were across where she was supposed to sleep. She went to reach out to help him move it so she didn't crush it.

"Don't touch them just yet, they are very sensitive and so freshly after the mate bond I don't know how I'll react. I don't want to push you" he offers still holding her wrist.

"Erm, how am i meant to sleep? I don't want to hurt you" she mutters looking for him to his wing.

"They are strong, you wont hurt them, i want to curl them around you. Think of it as my way of making sure your all safe while we sleep" he smiles at her, he grabs bother her upper arms, pulling her down to lean back on him.

She lays down, culring herself into his side as his left wing wraps around her and pulls her closer into him. She breathed in his sent falling into a deep slumber immedleity.

Only a few hours later, while it was still dark did she wake up, drenched in her own sweat, her heart beating furiously. Her breathing was laboured thinking of what she had just seen in the nightmare that plagued her mind.

Azriel was up in an instant rubbing across her back comfortingly.

"What happened?" he asked softly.

"I saw myself be taken by Beron, the High Lord in the Autumn Court, and he made me help him hurt the brothers" she gasped out remembering the burnt ginger hair on the older fae's head.

"Which brothers?" Azriel asked.

"Eris, the one Mor fears and Lucien my sisters mate. He wanted me to make them angry and hurt each other. And then Hellion found me and claimed i was a child of Day. He took me and i was bound to his court and i never saw you again" she cried into him, hugging him tightly as if someone was about to take her away from him.

"It's okay, my love. Look at me" he says, he sits up leaning over the top of her, twirling her hair placing delicate kisses all over the light and delicate face below him.

"I wont let anyone take you. You were born on the winter solstice, just like your sister. The longest night of the year? And you think you belong to the day court? What utter nonsense" he laugh, looking over her. She leans up to place a kiss on his lips. He kisses back, his hand coming up to rest one on her neck and the other on her cheek.

"Would i be more secure here if you claimed me?" She asks.

"I don't claim you love, the mate bond makes us equals" he smiles, and you lean up kissing him.

"I want you to make me yours, in every respect Azriel. This is my choice and if you want me, i want all of you too" she smiles

“Are you sure, I know what you experienced with Hybern and I -“ he starts but is cut off by her finger pressing down onto his luscious pink lips.

“What Hybern did to me, I did to protect my sisters, my family. I regret none of it, as much as I hated it and felt disgusted with myself everyday I remembered that I was doing it for Elain, for Nesta. This is what I want Azriel. I want to prove to you, how much I love you” she explains to him.

“You could never touch me in that way for our entire history and i still know you’d walk the mountains for me because just your eyes and your touch shows me how much you truly care. You are a gem in this world and I don’t intend on ever sharing you or leaving you to anyone else. We are equals” he says pulling her in and placing his forehead against hers, pulling on that bond.

“You are in control tonight, you tell me what you want, okay love? I won’t do anything unless you tell me” He admits, and as her breath hitches he finally smells a smell that he’s been waiting since he accepted the food from you at dinner.

“You smell Devine” he says nipping towards her neck, dragging a long sniff his bridged nose trailing up across her jaw to where her lips are. She leans up pulling them into a kiss, her hands start to fumble around with his sleeping pants. They were a loose waist band unlike the tight Illyrian leathers she normally saw him in.

Her hand swept under the waistband and into his undershorts almost too easily. Her hand grasped round his weighty length, a small startled gasp coming from the both of them.

Azriel hadn’t expected his mate to be so forward, he could tell from the hunger in her eyes she would be his absolute undoing, but in these moments he didn’t care. The feeling of her hand grasping tightly around his cock was too good.

Obviously the male had been with other women, and yes he had managed to find pleasure out of it, but this… oh was this so very different. He was already on the verge of release at her mere touch with the amount of hold and affect she had on him.

Her hand slowly starts to run up and down the length, her thumb occasionally rubbing over the tip and slit at the end before running back down along the prominent vain that was there.

“F-fuck” he moans his head dipping down struggling to hold his weight up above her.

“You can touch me too Az” she breaths, she takes her hand out and a whine escapes him as the band snaps down against his lower v-line.

“Tell me where I can” he grunts pulling off his pants leaving him bear. He watches as she pulls his black top that she had borrowed up over her head, leaving her only in her underwear. Small panties cover what he could only describe as his next five course meal from the finest restaurant along the Sidra.

“You can maybe start here” she says taking his hands and placing them over her large bear breasts that he had wanted to lay his head between on many occasions, and it had almost been painful to see them and no stuff him gave between the gap they had that was her cleavage.

“And then run them down to here” she says making his hands trail down her body, her head lifted back slightly revelling in the feeling of his scarred skin run perfectly across hers.

“And finally they can end up, right here” she all but whispers with a slight gasp as she cups his hand over her slight mound. He takes this as a good sign and through the fabric of her panties he could feel that she was already soaking.

“Your already so wet for me hunny” he groans, pushing the fabric to the side before circling around her most sensitive area. He used his thumb in expert motion making her hips starts to do what he thought was cute little thrusts forward.

He eventually took pity on the sounds and begging look she gave him for me and entered two fingers into her. She helped him, settle them into her more by practically sitting on them.

“Darling your going to have to just lean back a little, I don’t want to break my hand” he chuckles, starting a more fluid movement when she leant back. In this position she had perfect access to his member.

“Your so pretty and so perfect my love”

She took it into her small hand rubbing up and down like she had before and his hips stutter to help her.

“You know how to make a man cave at his knees” he grunts.

“Only you Azriel” she gasps.

They stated to revel in each others pleasure, they could both feel themselves nearing but it wasn’t until Y/N mistakingly moved her free hand, which in her defence was aimed to come up to his neck and into his hair brushed along the inner bit of his wing was he whimpering and moaning her name with a gasp before without any control released onto her hand, thighs and stomach.

“Gnhhh fuck”

He don’t think he’d ever come that, hard quickly or that much before. Even through his shock he kept up his pace with his fingers bringing his mate to her own release. It was an eye opening experience watching her hands lay back palm up on the pillows neck to her head, which was also twisting from side to side in so much pleasure it was almost painful.

And don’t get Azriel started on her voice or face as she reached her high. He believed that it would be ingrained in his memory until his last breath.

“Okay, now it’s all up to you love” he says flipping them over so that she was on top, she was currently straddling over his waist. His already hard cock pressing against her stomach.

She potions herself so that he was helping him line up with her entrance. He helped her sink down, as as they bottomed out into her, they both let out a sigh. The bond was going wild, as if you finally connected those last two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle and it fits so perfectly that it completes the image.

“Azriel” she groans as she tries to lift herself up but fails immediately, he was massive his wing span definitely accounting for other things…. So it was taking her a while to get used to the full feeling.

“Your so warm, I just want to stay like this with you for a little while” so they did, and the hug she enveloped him in, pulling him in impossibly deeper had him groaning and trying to slam himself up into her.

He was now content with the hug, her hands were currently in his hair playing with it, but they slowly started to reach down, to his shoulder baldes. She started to massage out the large notes forming in the tight Illyrian’s shoulders until she went down to where his wings met the bone in his back and he shuddered, the largest and almost embarrassed moan comes from him as she ran her hand from there along the expanse, a wet warmth filling her up inside.

“Azriel did you just” she starts but he groans knowing exactly what happened.

“I - it just felt so good” he nuzzled into her chest, starting to suck on one of her nipples making her push her check may up closer to him.

She kept playing with the interior of his wings preening them here and there, taking of small little skin grafts and rubbing away any discolouration. All of this made him hard again in less than a minute. He started to move up against his mate, helping her with the movements his hands having a strong grip on her hips helping her move up and down.

“Your perfect. I don’t deserve you or you love” he says as she starts to kiss over every accessible bit of his body to her lips which was mainly just his face. But she didn’t leave one part of that pretty face of his untouched. Her hands ran up and down his arms, feeling the strong muscles ripple across in waves making her feel so safe and loved.

Azriel felt so lucky to be feeling this amount of connection and love from someone, it was overwhelming to the point tears started to come from his eyes.

“Gods knows where I’d be I’d I hadn’t found you, your the reason I kept fighting so hard, and while I will continue too, for you, everything I do is for you, my love, my mate, my sun, and my stars and my moon”he groans, at this point he was doing all the work slamming himself up into her in a steady rhythm that had her leaning her full chest onto him, letting him take her.

“Azriel” she squeals as he quickens his pace and she feels that coil tighten in her stomach.

“I’m so close baby, you have to wait for me” he moans, she reaches to the dip in his back between his wings lightly pushing down making him surge forward and release into her for the second time tonight. He release follows shortly after, leaning against him.

“Let’s just stay like this for a while” he yawns pulling her down with him as he fully lays down, she lays on top of him, cock still inside her as he wraps his wings around her comfortingly.

“Azriel, I - I love you”

“I’ve loved you since I saw you up in the tree, back at your estate” he grins placing a kiss on her forehead, her sleepy eyes looking up to him.

“But, I was human”

“I could still tell, there was something that drew me and my shadows to you. That’s why I came out to find you” he says, his words slowed and he was about to fall asleep just as he heard her mumble out something.

“What I thought we’re fast changes that I couldn’t keep up with really became my forever and always” she says kissing his chest before falling into a slumber of her own.

TAGLIST:

@cat-or-kitten

@sstrohma

@horneybeach1

@its-sam-allgood

@starryhiraeth

@xcastawayherosx

@glitterypirateduck

@azriels-mate123

@mavropouloupanagiota

A/N:

Finally some smut for you lovely lot, I love writing and I’m actually writing both a romance novel and a romantasy myself right now which I hope to publish at some point!

What did you think of this chapter! Does the series need some other parts or do you think this is a good end to my first Azriel series? I Intend to make a longer one soon, but uni struggles are real!

Lemme know if you want a part 6!

[justagalwhowrites]

Lavender - Ch. 49

Things change in Jackson but the most important things stay the same. The final chapter of Lavender, found in its entirety on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Smut! No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ only

Length: 7.3k

Sunday, October, 4, 2026

“Hey Joel!” Suzanne, a woman who worked at the clinic with you, ran up to him as he made his way home after an overnight patrol. “Do you know where Doc is?” 

“Think all my girls are at home,” he frowned a little. “Not sure, haven’t been there yet since gettin’ back but I’m heading there now… Everything OK?” 

“Think we’ve got an appendicitis,” she winced as she said it. “If she’s home, can you send her our way? Save me the trouble of going to look at your place.” 

“Yeah, ‘course,” Joel said. “I’ll see if I can track her down if she’s not there but it’s Sylvie’s nap time so can’t imagine she’d go far…” 

Suzanne smiled gratefully and ran back into the clinic, her ponytail swinging. 

Joel was eager to get home to you under any circumstance but even more so after doing an overnight patrol. He’d been away from you too long. He never slept well on patrol, never slept well if he was somewhere he couldn’t touch you, feel you breathing next to him. Whenever he got back, he usually spent five minutes just holding onto you, centering himself on you and the feeling of you in his arms again. But now you’d be running out the door right away. Even though he knew appendectomies were relatively easy and that you’d only be gone a few hours at the most, it was hard to not be a little frustrated by it. 

“Hey Love,” you smiled when he came in, stretched out on the couch with a ribbon tied like a headband in your hair and his daughter asleep on your chest. “Didn’t want to risk moving her, both of your kids have been in rare form today…” 

Sylvie, now 18 months old, shifted ever so slightly on her mother’s chest, her little features drawn in for a second - as if to prove a point - before relaxing. Her hair was getting long, her thick, dark curls a clone of her father. Her eyes were, too, when they were open. Joel knew them well. It seemed like he’d done nothing but stare at her for months after she was born, the combination of you and him something too beautiful to look away from. 

It sometimes felt to Joel that there was some part of the universe that always wanted your child to exist. You got pregnant so fast. He couldn’t be sure but the timing of the day at the lake made sense, like the only thing stopping the creation of you and him together was the power of modern medicine. The moment there was nothing preventing it she sprang into being, all but inevitable. 

Joel was surprised at just how much he loved seeing you pregnant. It hadn’t been something that he’d ever considered before now, not something he’d ever been drawn to before now. But looking at you, knowing you were growing his child, knowing your body was changing because of him somehow made you even more beautiful. 

Lucky for him, your hormones made you practically insatiable - not that you’d ever had a low sex drive. But it went from sex most nights to sex every night, often twice, and once again in the morning if you woke up with enough time before needing to get yourselves or Ellie out the door. He loved finding new places on you to touch and hold, loved kissing your stomach over where you were growing his daughter, loved holding your swollen breasts as he sank into your tight heat from behind, always cumming deep inside you because it’s not like he could make you any more pregnant. 

It took everything he had in him to not try to get you pregnant again. You’d told him, flat out, no. The pregnancy hadn’t been rough but it hadn’t been easy, either. You were tired but had a hard time sleeping, sensitive to all kinds of sights and smells, throwing up more days than you didn’t. It was easier, you said, than your first pregnancy, the one that was lost. But you were 20 years older now, everything was harder on your body now than it was then and the last thing he wanted to do was cause you any pain. 

But seeing you be a mother to his children had a tight hold on him. Every time he was inside you he had to fight the urge to plant himself deep, resist the drive to give you another child of his to grow and raise with him. Logic didn’t matter when he was inside of you, all that mattered was you and the primal need to give you as much of him as you would take. 

“Both of ‘em, huh?” He asked, coming over and pressing a deep kiss to your forehead and stroking your hair before sitting on the edge of the coffee table. 

“Yup,” you smiled a little. “Sylvie has not been on board with eating anything but she’s been crying half the day because she’s hungry. Ellie got home about an hour ago and didn’t say a word before stomping upstairs. So yes, your daughters have been in a mood today.” 

“Why are they my daughters when they’re actin’ up?” He asked, gently resting a hand on Sylvie’s back, feeling her little chest rise and fall with her sleepy breaths. 

“Because that’s when they take after you most,” you smirked a little. “When they’re angels who have never done a damn thing wrong, they’re mine.” 

He laughed once and went to scoop Sylvie off your chest and getting to his feet. You frowned. 

“I’ve got this little troublemaker since she’s apparently mine today,” he said, his youngest daughter stirring and scrunching her face as she yawned, her plump lips immediately falling into a pout. She buried her face into Joel’s neck with a little whine. “And I’ll go up and check on the other one. They need you at the clinic, appendicitis.”

“In that case, I leave you to be the outnumbered one,” you said, getting up and stretching out your back as you did. Joel took a second to admire you, the added thickness to your hips and legs and softness to your stomach and fullness to your breasts after carrying his daughter somehow making you even more lovely. Before, he didn’t think you could get anymore beautiful. Of course you’d find a way to prove him wrong. You reached up to kiss him, smiling against his lips before brushing Sylvie’s hair back. “Think you can behave yourself for your father since I’m sure he’s tired and hungry after a long day out patrolling?” 

She groaned and pushed her little face into his shoulder. He laughed. 

“Not like I haven’t dealt with moody girls before,” he said. His heart, he found, hurt less when he thought of Sarah now. The fact that she wasn’t there was still something that was missing. An emptiness and an ache of loss where he knew there should only be fullness and light. But he saw so much of her in Ellie and Sylvie and you. It made it so he could think about her, remember her, without it consuming him. He could miss her and remember her without suffering her loss. “I’ve got this Baby, go save a life.” 

You kissed his daughter’s chubby little hand and gave his arm a squeeze before leaving. He looked at Sylvie, her face still in his shoulder. 

“Alright Baby Girl,” he said. “We’re gonna try puttin’ you down for 10 minutes so I can talk to your sister, let’s see how that goes…” 

He carried her upstairs and set her gently in her crib. She stretched and yawned and pouted, her eyes closed - lashes so long they were splayed across her plump cheek - until Joel tucked a rag doll Ellie’d made her into her little grasp. She tugged it against herself and settled a bit and Joel all but tiptoed out of her room and down the hall to Ellie’s. He knocked gently on the door. 

“What.” Her voice was sharp. 

“It’s me,” he said. “Wonderin’ if you wanted to talk about somethin’.” 

“No.” 

He waited a second. 

“Can I come in?” He asked. 

“Your house.” 

He sighed. Why were teenagers so hard? He opened the door slowly and found her curled up on the bed, her eyes red and her arms crossed, her back to the mural. 

“What’s goin’ on, Baby Girl?” He asked gently, coming and sitting beside her on the bed. 

“I said I didn’t want to talk,” she snapped. “And I really don’t want to talk with you.” 

“Well, I’m who ya got,” he shrugged. “So I’d like it if you did. Want to help you if I can.” 

“You can’t help,” she glared at him. “You’ve done plenty.” 

“Wish you’d tell me what you mean,” he frowned. “I’m at a loss here, Baby Girl.” 

She sat up, crossing her legs and looking him in the eye. 

“There’d be a cure right now if it wasn’t for you, wouldn’t there.” She didn’t ask it, she said it. A statement of fact. Joel’s stomach dropped. 

“Where’d you get that idea?” He asked. 

“That’s not an answer, Joel. Would there be a cure if it wasn’t for you?” 

He sighed. 

“Let’s talk about this when your mother…” 

“No,” she shook her head. “No, she’s not my mom and you’re not my dad. You’re just some assholes who took away the one chance I had to make a fucking difference!” 

That hurt, more than he’d have thought it would. It’s not like Ellie called you Mom and him Dad but it felt like she thought of him the way he thought of her. You’d both tried to help her see how important she was, how much she mattered, what a difference she made to the people around her every day. It hadn’t seemed to stick.

“This about Lucas?” He asked softly. She glared at him but he took that for a yes. 

Her friend, Lucas, had been killed out on patrol a month earlier. Ripped apart by infected. It was tragic, the first loss on patrol in years. Lucas had been competent and likely kept the carnage from being worse, holding off a hoard long enough to get his patrol partners out alive.  Ellie had been distant and sullen a lot since then. 

You’d talked to Joel about it and the both of you figured she was mourning the loss of her friend. Neither of you thought it would be something like this. 

“Baby Girl,” he said gently. “Why don’t we talk about this when Doc gets home? You can ask us whatever you want, we’ll answer you. OK?” 

“Why, want to wait to get your stories straight?” She snapped. 

“Not gonna lie to you,” he said. “We’ll tell you whatever you want. But she needs to be here for it, too. Not right for it to just be you’n me, OK?” 

“Fine,” she snapped, curling up again. Sylvie started fussing in her room. He sighed and she just looked at him. “Go, I’m not allowed to talk to you until Doc’s here, anyway.” 

He fought the urge to fight her on it and went and picked up his youngest daughter, instead.

You’d been right about Sylvie. She wasn’t in the mood for eating anything but kept giving her hungry cry, wailing too much to actually form words, instead toddling around inconsolably. Eventually, he broke into a jar of canned peaches and handed her a sticky slice, the syrupy juice from the jar dripping down her hands. She chewed it, hiccuping, her tear-streaked little face calming. 

“You just wanted sugar,” he shook his head, smiling a little. “Should’ve known.” 

He found himself glancing at the clock every few minutes, waiting for time to pass, waiting for you to get home. For the first time, he was almost dreading it. Because the conversation with Ellie had the potential to ruin everything. He wouldn’t know how to fix it if she hated him for it. Wouldn’t know what to do if she decided to leave because of it. You’d tried to tell him that you had to explain it when it happened but he’d convinced you to do what he thought was the right thing to do. He’d convinced you to all but lie. 

If Ellie left because of it, would you leave, too? To stay with her? She would know it was Joel who wanted to hide it, she was anything but stupid. If she levied an ultimatum, would you leave him and take Sylvie with you? Would he deserve it if you did? 

All things considered, you weren’t gone long, home well before you’d either start cooking or head over to the mess hall for dinner. He met you at the door, Sylvie on his hip. 

“Hey,” you smiled, making your eyes go extra wide to get a little giggle out of your daughter. “She looks happier, I’m guessing you got her to eat something?” 

“Broke into some of the canned peaches,” he said as you put your arms around him and Sylvie, stretching up for a kiss. 

“Well if it works,” you said before you frowned. “What’s wrong? Something’s wrong…” 

“Ellie wants to talk,” he said, holding you a little closer. “About Salt Lake City.” 

You winced. 

“Shit,” you dropped your forehead to his chest and took a deep breath. “Well, we knew it was coming eventually. Think Tommy can take Sylvie for the night so we can hash this all out and make sure we’re focused on Ellie?” 

“Good plan,” he kissed the crown of your head and gave you a squeeze, some of his anxieties eased. You were here. Somehow, it was going to be OK. 

Tommy, thankfully, was fine to take Sylvie and didn’t ask many questions after he saw the look on Joel’s face. Instead, he took his niece inside to play with Jake, his son, and Joel came home to find you and Ellie on the couch. You’d made tea and Ellie was rapping her fingers against the side of her chipped mug. She narrowed her eyes at Joel when he came in, her small body tucked into the corner of the couch, her legs crossed in front of her. Joel sat in the arm chair near your end of the couch. He couldn’t settle back into it. Instead, he sat on the edge of it, his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped in front of him. 

“OK Baby Girl,” he sighed, looking at her. “What do you want to know.” 

“What happened?” She asked, staring him down. “With the Fireflies. What actually happened. You’ve never told me the truth about it but I need to know now. I can’t keep living with you fucking lying to me about it!” 

“OK,” you said gently. “It’s OK…” 

“No, it’s not OK,” she snapped. “And I’m tired of pretending like it is!” 

“They were gonna kill you, Baby Girl,” Joel said, struggling to speak past the lump in his throat, the tightness in his chest. 

“What?” Her eyes were a little wide. “No, Marlene said…” 

“Marlene lied,” you said, your voice sharper than Joel was used to hearing. “Their doctor was purposely vague with me because he knew I wouldn’t go along with his plan…” 

“What was the plan?” Ellie asked. “What did they need that would kill me?” 

“Your brain,” Joel said. It hurt him to even think about it, to think back to those horrific minutes where he wasn’t sure if he’d get to her in time, where he thought he might have lost her forever. “They needed the Cordyceps that have been in you since you were born and they grow inside your brain…” 

“You should have let them!” She cut him off, her eyes wide and teary. “Why would you stop them?” 

“Ellie…” he began but she smacked her mug down on the coffee table with a loud thud. 

“This was my one chance!” She looked between the two of you. “I could have actually done something! Been something, made a difference! My life would have mattered!” 

“Your life matters just the way it is,” you said, tears in your eyes. “Ellie, you and Sylvie are the most important things in the world to us, nothing could matter more than you…” 

“What about every other person in the fucking world?” She demanded. “What about…”

“The science was flawed,” you cut her off. “You were the only sample, to even test it would have killed you. Do you know how rarely something works right the first time in science? Basically never. Do you know how many combinations of things I had to try before my treatment worked in testing? Thousands, Ellie. They were going to kill you on the off chance he had it right and then when it didn’t work, what would be the point? That you got to die a noble death? That we lost you for nothing? 

“I had notes from the treatment I developed and he wanted to wait to try anything with it until after he took the cordyceps from you,” you pressed on. “He could have said stop. He could have decided to exhaust every other option first and he didn’t. He was convinced he was right and that’s not a good way to conduct science, I couldn’t trust him to do this right. The other option wasn’t for you to save the world Ellie, not really. Yes, maybe it would have gotten there eventually but it was so far from a certain thing.” 

“But…” she protested. 

“You’re not a parent,” Joel said gently. “But would you have let them kill me or her for that? Or Sylvie? Would you have let them kill your little sister for somethin’ like that?” 

Ellie just stared at her lap. 

“So what happened?” She asked, her voice thick. “You said the place was attacked but it wasn’t, was it?” 

Joel looked at you and you reached out your hand for him. He took it, holding onto you for dear life. 

“They weren’t goin’ to listen, Baby Girl,” he said. “I did what I had to do to keep you safe.” 

She nodded slowly. 

“And that’s how Doc got shot,” she stated it again. “They were trying to protect themselves from you.” 

“Yeah,” he said, your hand still tight in his own.

“How many people?” She asked quietly, looking up at the two of you. “How many people died there?” 

He clenched his jaw for a moment before he was able to meet her eyes. 

“I’m not sure,” he said. “I… I was so focused on gettin’ you out, I just did whatever I had to do.” 

“So you killed all those people,” she said. “Brought me here… and Doc, you just gave up? You never tried to do anything with all that shit you did? You just let people keep turning?” 

“Ellie…” you went to reach for her but she flinched back. 

“I can’t…” she shook her head. “I need to think… I’m going to stay with Dina for a bit.” 

She got up and Joel did, too. 

“Baby Girl,” he said but she shook her head. 

“Lucas might still be alive if she’d just done something,” Ellie shook her head. “But she didn’t. Neither one of you did. And it’s all fucking because of me.” 

She left and you were staring at the spot on the couch where she’d been. 

“Baby,” he said cautiously. He didn’t like the look on your face. “I’ll go after her…” 

“No,” you shook your head and wiped your eyes. “No, let her go. She deserves some space from me.” 

You got up and went for the stairs. 

“Baby…” 

“I’m going to shower,” you said. 

He watched you go, wishing he could find some way to fix it. 

*** 

Tuesday, May 11, 2027 

“Don’t like this,” Joel stood next to you, holding Sylvie, frowning. “It’s too dangerous…” 

“I’ll be fine,” you put your palm in the middle of his chest and kissed him. “I’ll be home as soon as I can.” 

He pulled you tight against him, his lips in your hair. 

“Mama,” Sylvie grabbed your braid. “Can I go on the horsie?” 

You smiled and brushed your daughter’s hair back. She looked so much like her father it made your heart ache. 

“Not this time, Baby Girl,” you smiled. “But soon. Promise.” 

“You ready?” Tommy rode up along side your horse. 

“As I’ll ever be,” you gave him a tight smile before kissing Sylvie one more time and giving Joel a longing look. “I’ll be back soon. I will.” 

“You’re not back by Labor Day I’ll come get you back,” he said, voice dark. “Make sure they fuckin’ know it.” 

He kissed your forehead and you mounted your horse, heading with Tommy outside Jackson. 

The day after Ellie left was your birthday and it was the worst it had been in years. You stayed in bed most of the day, Joel just holding you. 

“She’s right,” you said as the sun went down, your husband’s fingers tracing up and down your arm. “I should have done something with it, I’ve just been letting people die by not doing something with it…” 

Joel tried to talk you out of it but you were determined then. You pulled Tommy aside and talked him into tracking down old Firefly contacts he had, seeing if he could find Dr. Anderson. After making some carefully placed radio calls over a span of months - much to Maria’s chagrin - he found him, at a hospital in Boise. 

“You’re not goin’,” Joel paced your kitchen, his arms crossed. “I don’t give a shit if you can save everyone on the goddamn planet, you’re not goin’.” 

“Yes, I am,” you said, sitting at the table, voice calm. “I respect your opinion but you don’t get to make this decision for me.” 

“What if somethin’ happens to you?” He asked, stopping in front of you. “You’re talkin’ about meetin’ up with a bunch of fuckin’ terrorists who already damn near killed you…” 

“They need what’s in my head,” you said. “They won’t kill me.” 

He knelt in front of you, almost the exact place he’d been when he’d proposed years earlier, and took your face in his hands, holding you gently. 

“I can’t do this without you, Baby,” he said, his deep brown eyes soft and scared. “Don’t ask me to try’n live without you, I don’t want it…” 

“I can’t live with myself if I don’t try,” you whispered, pressing your forehead to his. “Please, Joel. I have to do this. I have to.” 

He made it obvious that he wasn’t a fan of the idea but he agreed to it, staying behind to take care of Sylvie and keep an eye on Ellie, who had started coming around again, more to see Joel than anything else. You hadn’t told her you were leaving or why. You didn’t want to get her hopes up in case something fell through or have her feel responsible for you choosing to go if something happened to you out there. But you left a note to her, Sylvie and Joel, just in case you didn’t make it home. Just to be safe. 

“Been a while since just you’n me got into trouble,” Tommy said as the gates closed behind you. “Should be fun.” 

“Whatever you say, Tommy the Commie,” you smirked. 

“Jesus,” he sighed. “Been how long and you’re still on that? Gotta get a new schtick, Kid.” 

You laughed. At least you got to go on this damned trip with one of your best friends.

The ride to Boise was uneventful and you made it in just five days. The Fireflies were about as happy to see you as you were to see them, holding the two of you at gunpoint as you rode up to the city. Tommy looked about as happy about it as Joel would be. 

“Dr. Miller,” Dr. Anderson said when you came to the hospital, giving you a stiff nod. “Can’t say I ever thought I’d see you again.” 

“Feeling’s mutual,” you said, standing up as straight as you could, jaw squared. “You tried to kill my daughter.” 

“And you kept me from saving the world for mine,” he said. “So I think we’re even.” 

The two of you struck up an uneasy working relationship, Tommy hovering like a body guard for the first week you were there but apparently trusting the Fireflies enough to not kill you for at least a few hours at a time. 

You’d brought some vials of Ellie’s blood with you, taken by one of the nurses at the clinic under the guise of running a few standard tests when she was sick with the flu weeks before. It took some time, but you were able to narrow down what you thought at least stopped the progression of cordyceps in her, even if it wouldn’t go as far as making someone immune. By late July, you’d developed an emergency injectable you thought would work to halt the progress of the cordyceps. Dr. Anderson distributed it to the Fireflies who were most likely to encounter infected. Then, it was a waiting game. 

It took three weeks to discover that it worked. A patrol was overwhelmed by infected and one man was bitten. They used the injectable at the bite and the spread stopped. He was rushed back to you and Dr. Anderson, where the two of you carefully extracted the cordyceps from his arm. 

“It’s not a cure,” you said after the man had been monitored for four days with no sign of infection. “But we can stop new infections.” 

“That’s a whole hell of a lot,” he nodded. “We can synthesize it, spread it. It’ll take a while but it’s a start. A start to getting our world back.” 

You were excited, of course. Thrilled that your idea had worked, that you’d been able to help begin to stop the suffering caused by infected. But mostly, you wanted to get home. You missed Joel, you missed Sylvie, you missed Ellie. You missed your life with them. You and Tommy left for Jackson the next day. 

The ride back to Jackson felt longer than the ride to Boise. Maybe it was because you were so ready to get home and because your husband and daughters felt so close but so far. By the time you got back, you all but jumped off your horse at the stables and ran home. 

“Joel?” You called as you pulled open the front door. You heard something clatter to the sink in the kitchen and he appeared in the doorway. 

“Baby,” he ran and grabbed you, clutching you close to him, almost knocking the air out of you. “Fuck, I’ve been so worried, I’ve missed you so much…” 

He sounded like he was on the verge of tears as he held you to him, kissing every part of you he could reach. 

“I missed you,” you held onto him, your fingers in his hair. “But we did it, Joel. We made something that can stop infection…” 

“I’m so proud of you,” he pulled back from you enough that he could kiss you. “But I care much more about you bein’ back than anything about infected…” 

You laughed at that. He went and got Sylvie from her seat in the kitchen, where she’d been coloring. 

“Mama!” She started squirming when she saw you, stretching and reaching. 

“Hi Baby Girl!” You took her from her father and tried to keep from crying. She was bigger now than you remembered, her hair longer. You held her to you and breathed her in, Joel pulling you both against him. 

“They didn’t have…” Ellie said, coming in the front door. You twisted to see her and you heard something clatter to the floor. “Mom!” 

She hurled herself at you, holding onto you tightly. 

“I’m so sorry,” she was crying. “I didn’t…” 

“No, Baby Girl,” you wrapped the arm not holding Sylvie around her and kissed her temple. “You were right, I should have done something with this so much sooner…” 

“I’m just so glad you’re back,” she said, burying her face in your shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Mom. I shouldn’t have said that shit, I’m so sorry…” 

“Just keep calling me Mom and you can say just about anything else you want,” you said, voice wet. She laughed. “I love you, Ellie. So much.”

“Love you, too.” 

October 5, 2029

The first time you heard a plane overhead, you instinctively ducked. The last time you’d heard that sound was the day of the outbreak, almost 25 years earlier, and a plane had almost come down on your head. 

You were walking home from the clinic and you ran the rest of the way to your house. 

“Joel!” You yelled the second you were in the door, but you didn’t have to go far to find him. He was sitting on the floor of your living room, playing with Sylvie. 

“Baby?” He frowned, a doll in his large hands as Sylvie held the bottle and sat on his lap. “What’s goin’ on, everything OK?” 

“There was a plane,” you said, breathless, eyes wide. “Overhead, outside. There’s a plane.” 

“A plane?” He raised his eyebrows. “You’re sure?” 

“Damn sure,” you said and then you laughed a little. “People are flying again. There was a fucking plane.” 

That was when you got your idea. It was probably a damned stupid idea but it was an idea. 

Maria and the rest of the council had been getting regular updates from the outside world since the drug had started being distributed. Things were changing, quickly. 

Now that traveling was safer, people started moving a bit more freely. Caravans started first, then train lines opened. It didn’t take long for FEDRA to fall and be replaced with a government more closely resembling the former United States. 

Now that there were planes running again, you imagined that meant things were stabilizing. And if things were stable - if people could travel across the country - maybe you could do the one thing you’d wanted to do since coming to Jackson: See if Andrew and Jess would join you. 

You missed them and Elizabeth and Jonah fiercely. They were still young enough that they could have a childhood here, that they could learn and grow and lead something close to a normal life here. 

Talking Maria and the council into it had been surprisingly simple. Jess’ psychology training would be a boon, adding more children to the community was welcome. And you got the impression that, after five years of treating the people here at the clinic, they wanted to do something for you. There was a train line that ran to Salt Lake City from Boston, and you radioed Andrew for the first time in almost five years. 

“Holy shit!” He said when Abe got him and put him on the line. “I didn’t think I’d ever hear from you again, I have so much to tell you…” 

“I have a lot to tell you, too,” you said, trying not to cry at the sound of his voice. “But I wanted to ask… How attached are you and Jess to Boston? Feel like hopping on a train west and starting over? I promise, where I live? It’s worth it.” 

They came out a few months later and you were there, back in Salt Lake City with Joel and extra horses, meeting them. It was the second time you’d been reunited with someone you loved on your birthday. 

You recognized Elizabeth immediately as she jumped out of the carriage first, even though she was far taller now than she had been the last time you saw her. You had to stop yourself from crying. Jonah was next, then Jess, then Andrew. 

“Hey!” You started running for them. Andrew saw you then, dropping his pack and running for you, the two of you slamming into each other so hard you were sure Joel heard the thud. 

“I never thought I’d see you again,” he said as you clung to him. “Holy shit I missed you…” 

“I missed you, too,” you said, choked up. “So much has happened and I kept wanting to tell you fucking everything and I couldn’t and it sucked!” 

“Me too,” he laughed. “Me too.” 

It took you five days to make it back to Jackson, giving you plenty of time to catch up. Things got worse in Boston after you left. FEDRA’s grip tightened, life becoming more and more locked down. Andrew and Jess did everything they could for their children, trying to give them a normal life but there was only so much they could really do for them. They’d been looking for a place to go when you’d radioed. 

Andrew wasn’t shocked that you and Joel had ended up together. He was a little more surprised that you’d had a baby, though. 

“I’m so happy for you,” he said, looking a little teary. “You deserve it. You have for so long but I’m so glad you finally got what you wanted.” 

The house behind yours in Jackson was open and they moved in there. After giving them a few days to settle in, you invited them over for dinner and game night with the kids. There were so many people, your kitchen table had never seemed quite so small. You loved it. 

“I’m so glad you’re here,” you said, hugging Andrew goodbye as his family left for the short walk back home. 

“Me too,” he said. “The codependency squad is back in the same place and all is right with the world.” 

You laughed and the two of you watched as Lizzy twirled with Sylvie on your back deck, Ellie playing guitar perched on the steps, Jonah watching her, enraptured. Joel put his arm around your shoulders and you leaned your head against him as Jess slipped her hand into her husband’s. 

“See you around?” He asked. 

“Don’t think you’ve got another choice,” you smiled. 

Sylvie went down easy that night, worn out from playing with her newfound cousins. You could still hear the quiet chords as Ellie practiced guitar in her room.

“Night Ellie,” you called as you went to close your bedroom door. “Don’t stay up too late, guitar down soon.” 

“I’ll take it easy,” she called back. “Night Mom, night Dad.” 

“Can’t say I ever thought I’d be hosting a game night for anyone,” Joel said as you both climbed in bed and turned out the light. 

You laughed. 

“Me either,” you said. “Crazy what five years can do.” 

You snuggled up against him and he put his arm around you, kissing your cheek, working his way down to your jaw and then to your mouth. 

“What do you think you’re doing there, Mr. Miller?” You teased, your arm going around his waist. He was softer and thicker there now, but you liked it. A sign of the fact that he wasn’t struggling anymore, proof that he was still here to grow old with you, raise your daughters with you. 

“Gettin’ my hopes up, Mrs. Miller,” he said, voice low as his hand slipped below your tank top and found your breast, holding you gently, his thumb brushing your nipple. 

“Well, I wouldn’t want to let you down,” you smiled against his mouth and he pressed you closer. 

You hooked a leg over his hip and ground your aching core against his already hard length. It didn’t seem to matter that you were 50 years old now, that you’d first slept with him almost 30 years before, that he was there in your bed every night, you always seemed to want him and he always seemed to want you. 

He slipped the straps of your tank top down and off, tugging the fabric to the top of your shorts before kissing down your throat to your bare chest. He kissed along the curve of you there, his lips and tongue and teeth brushing along the tender flesh until he sucked your nipple into his mouth and moaned around you, teasing you with his tongue. You groaned and instinctively rocked your hips against nothing, already desperate and needy for him. He moved to your other breast, giving in the same treatment as he held the first one in his large hand, gently rolling your peaked nipple between his thumb and finger.  

“Joel,” you breathed, arching your back into him. 

“Someone sounds needy,” he breathed, pressing his lips to your sternum and kissing down your stomach - still soft from when you’d carried Sylvie years before. Joel had never seemed to mind. 

“I am,” you groaned as he tugged down your shorts and panties, taking the tank top with them, leaving you naked before him. “Fuck, I need you…” 

“Can’t let you go unsatisfied now, can we?” He asked, spreading your legs and settling between them. He put your thighs over his shoulders and he teased his tongue along your seam, curling it around your already swollen clit. He hummed in approval. 

“Taste fuckin’ delicious,” he said, licking you again. “Can’t believe this pussy is all mine…” 

“All yours, Joel,” you groaned as he pressed his tongue into your aching entrance, making you gasp. 

He ate you gently at first, his lips and tongue working with his fingers as they softly toyed with your clit. But your husband knew your body well, maybe better than you, and the second he could feel you starting to tighten around him, he was harsher, more eager. His beard scratched against your sensitive skin as he pressed his tongue deep, his nose against your clit as he swallowed up your wetness, two of his fingers hooking inside of you so that they plunged deep as his tongue pulled back, one always replacing the other so you got the delicious friction and push and pull without ever feeling empty. 

“Joel,” you panted, your fingers winding in his hair, your hips rocking against his face. You felt the edges of his mouth pull up but he didn’t slow his pace, not even as you exploded around him, your grip on his hair tightening. He ate at you until your orgasm eased and you were left, pliant and gasping for breath, below him. 

“That’s my girl,” he said, crawling up your body and wiping your slick on the back of his hand before he settled himself between your thighs. His thick, heavy length brushed against your dripping sex and he kissed you, tasting like toothpaste and your own cum. You looped your arms around his neck as he pressed just the head of himself into you, the stretch at your entrance delicious enough to make your back arch into him. 

“I want you,” you breathed when he pulled back from your lips enough for you to speak. “Please…” 

“Past wanting you,” he said, sliding himself into you inch by devastating inch. “Past needing you, too. Don’t think there’s a word for how much I want and need you, Baby…” 

You whimpered below him as he sank into your body until he was fully within you, your channel feeling so full and stretched but so damn satisfied. 

“Belong inside of you,” he leaned down to kiss your throat. “Made to be inside you…” 

You wanted to say something back but could only moan as he started to move inside you, his thick cock dragging along your inner walls, his head catching on every ridge of you as he worked his length within you. 

He started out faster and harder, your nails digging into his back, the air getting knocked out of you in little gasps with every snap of his hips. Your second orgasm was building fast and, when you began to tighten around him, he pressed as deep as he could reach, slowing is pace so you could feel every exquisite movement. 

“You’re gettin’ close,” he panted, hips moving slow and steady, pressing yours down into the bed so firmly you wondered if you were going to have a bruise in the morning. You didn’t care. “Can feel it, you always get so goddamn tight right before, Baby, love feelin’ you like this…” 

“Can’t help it,” you were keening below him, doing everything you could to take him deep. “You feel too good, Joel I can’t…” 

“Cum for me,” his whole body was covering yours, every inch of him against or within you. “Need to feel you, Baby, need to feel this pussy - my pussy - cum on me…” 

“Fuck!” You gasped as your walls fluttered around you and he let out a strangled moan as he fucked you through your orgasm. 

“That’s it, Baby,” he sounded almost choked up, straining to hold off his own orgasm for another minute. “Doing so good for me, takin’ me so well, feelin’ so goddamn good…” 

Your orgasm faded and he all put ripped himself from your body before pressing his cock head against your clit and spilling his seed over you there, his warm cum making your oversensitive, wrung-out nub throb. 

“Fuck Baby,” he collapsed next to you for a moment before he reached into his bedside table and grabbed a clean washcloth, reaching between your legs to wipe away the combination of his spend and your slick. “How are you always that fuckin’ incredible?” 

“If you were made for me then I was made for you,” you said, still catching your breath as you rolled to wrap around him. He pulled your naked body tightly to his own and dropped the washcloth on his nightstand, next to the candle you’d made the year before. It was lavender scented, made with oils taken from the plants you’d grown in your back yard. They came from the buds you’d taken from Bill and Frank’s when you first headed west. You’d made several of the candles, liking the fact that the smell helped reduce stress and anxiety. You, Joel and Ellie had seen enough of that in your lives.

Your mind drifted as you lay in your husband’s arms. You drifted through the past 30 years of your lives, the pain of deep loss, the profound connection to the people you’d come to love, the life you’d built with Joel in Jackson. You thought of your daughters that were here with you and the daughters you lost - Sarah and your unborn child. You’d started picturing her as a girl, always a girl. Joel, you were certain, was built for raising incredible girls. He’d done it with Sarah and now he was doing it with Ellie and Sylvie, too. He’d have done that with the baby you lost, too. You could feel it. That feeling hurt less now with Joel beside you.

You thought of Joel playing guitar in your living room, next to the pictures of Sarah and Tess and a sketch you’d made of Ellie and Sylvie. You thought of the way he called you and Ellie and Sylvie “his girls” as though you were everything that mattered to him. You thought of the way that, even as he’d fought to push you away for so long, you kept finding each other again and again because there was something inside of you both that was always reaching for the other. You were made for him and he was made for you. Of that, you were certain. 

His lips found the top of your head, his hands splayed wide over your back as he held onto you. 

“Love you, Baby,” he whispered in the dark. “More than anything. Always have, always will.” 

“Always love you, Joel,” you whispered back. “Until the day I die.” 

You drifted off to sleep in his arms, in your home with the family you’d built with the man you were always meant to find. He was yours, you were his and you were happy.

A/N: I can't believe it's over! I sincerely hope you are happy with where Joel, Doc and Ellie wound up in Jackson. They're finally all at a point where they can do more than survive, they can thrive together, just like they were always meant to.

Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you times a million for reading this story. Your kindness, love and support have meant so much as I've written this piece. I don't think it's possible to thank you enough for that, so I'll just say it again: Thank you.

If you've ever liked a chapter, commented, reblogged, anything at all, please know that I appreciate you. Every notification I got on this fic made me smile. You helped make this journey an absolute joy.

I did start a new fic, called Yearling. It's another TLOU Joel fic and you can find it here.

I'm not great at goodbyes so I'll just say this: See you around. I hope you'll join me on another adventure one day. Until then, take care of yourselves, spread some kindness and share love when you can. I love you all!

Taglist: @paleidiot@ayamenimthiriel@ginger-swag-rapunzel@drewharrisonwriter@flugazi @pedropascalsbbg@taoyuji@starstruckmusiciansartghost@splendsay@bigboiseason123@jpbplvr @ashleyandring @mrsyixingunicorn10@sloanexx@ninaminaromina @lady-bellyn @hufflepuffriver @sarap-77 @storyarcscribe @mellymbee @jasminedragoon @lemonmeli @reds-ramblings@arizonadaydreamer@mumma-moonchild@blackroseguzzi@candypeaches16@kittenlittle24@wrappedinfiction@oatmeaiboy@pedritosdarling@winchestergypsy90@imnotdatboii @lalalalemonade11 @maknimuk1@mrsdarcyinlovewithbuckybarnes@pedrosaidsheispunk@commanderawkward@n7cje@elliesgirlll@tsunamistorm123@spookyxsam@leeeesahhh @anoverwhelmingdin @untamedheart81 @pedropascalfan221 @pedr0swh0r3 @pedrobae@fifia-writes@fatima-marisa @acf2023 @1soff@encephalitiskat @ashleymsnodgrass @karlinspace

[pepsiboyy]

starboy part 2

P1 P2

pairing: y/n x chris sturniolo

summary: y/n, born and raised in los angeles, moves across the country to boston. when she feels like she has nobody, she makes some new friends at her new job. she grows particularly close with the sturniolo triplets, where she finds a lot in common with one of them.

warnings: just cursing

lowercase intentional!!!

author's note: hi guys! PLEASE send feedback on the story so far! part one is already doing so much better than i thought it would?? yippee???

3:37pm.

honestly, the travel from moving caused me to lose a lot of sleep. and of course, last night was the night it decided to catch up to me. expecting my body to naturally wake up somewhere between ten and noon, i didn't set an alarm and here i was, quickly changing to make it to work within the next twenty-three minutes.

i slid on my pants and stumbled as i buttoned them, putting on a belt and cursing under my breath as i struggled. with a quick glance in the mirror, i sighed and looked through a few bags to find my last essentials. some earrings, my chapstick, my earbuds and sunglasses. i slid on some socks and some dunks, quickly springing to my feet and booking it out of the door.

"are you just getting out of bed?" my mom called from the living room, where she was sipping a coffee. i scoffed and nodded, reaching into the refrigerator and grabbing a water bottle. "yeah, i think the lack of sleep finally caught up to me," i mumbled, plugging in my earbuds and sticking one into my ear. "i need to go now, though. love you mom, i'll be home later." i smiled and waved, quickly heading to the door as i placed my other earbud in my ear.

-

i walked through the doors at work at 4:02, a deep sigh leaving me. i ran to the back and quickly clocked in before grasping my chest to catch my breath. the last thirty to forty-five minutes really woke me up yet tired me out at the same time.

"are you coming or what?" i heard a voice call from the customer service desk, causing me to whip my head over. "ah, yeah-! i'm sorry," i breathed, looking towards the doorway. i slipped out my earbuds and shoved them into my pocket before quickly making my way out while putting my nametag in its place.

i helped kill the line down, and when a moment finally came, i looked to the girl who had spoken to me when i clocked in. "i'm so sorry for being late. genuinely, i think the tiredness from the travel caught up to me and i woke up late." i chuckled and held out my hand. "my name's y/n, it's nice to meet you."

the girl looked down at my hand. as i was talking to her, she looked me up and down while re-applying her lip gloss. she's really pretty, i thought to myself at first. she had stick straight blonde hair and deep brown eyes.

"maeve." she stated quickly before rubbing in her lip gloss with her lips and turning away from me. i looked at her, a bit puzzled as she began collecting her things.

she was wearing a skirt. a very short one, at that. was that allowed? i remembered being told to only wear pants and none with holes. i was ripped away from my thoughts as she began walking towards the back. was she clocking out. "wait- are you.. are you already done for the day?" i stuttered, blinking a few times as i followed her and stopped at the doorway.

"i mean i'm out at 8, but i have somewhere to be," she told me, and i tilted my head. "you can do that?" i questioned, confusion plastered across my face.

"i can. you can't," she stated as she pressed the clock out button while staring directly at me. she then carefully shoved past me and began to leave.

"but i don't even know how to close," i started, but it was no use. she was already walking away and swaying her hips in a way that made my face crinkle. "excuse me?" i whipped my head over to the counter and smiled softly at the customer standing there. "sorry for the wait, how can i help you?"

-

the last two hours truly went by way too fast, but my body was beginning to ache. i had asked for help countless times, and i felt terrible. what was i supposed to do? this was literally my second day on the job and i was left alone at customer service. where people as questions and expect an answer. i had maybe three answers in total today, and a lot more angry people.

i finally managed to get somebody to cover me as i made my way into the breakroom, pushing into the door and letting out a deep sigh. i looked up and was greeted with a familiar boy and a pepsi can attached to his lips, bottom of the car facing upward as he chugged.

"hey," i breathed, and he jumped so hard that it almost scared me. "shit, did i scare you? sorry." i chuckled and moved to sit beside him, making sure to leave a chair between us for respect.

chris set down the pepsi and grasped his chest, chuckling between each deep breath he took. "jesus. hi, y/n." he smiled and carefully turned to face me more. "how's it going?"

i shrugged. "i mean... it's going? i'm alone at customer service on my second day. how good can it get?" i questioned, rubbing the back of my head before looking down in my lap.

"yeah, i hear you nonstop asking for help over the walkie," he joked, and i felt my face light up. "listen, i'm trying okay?" i smiled softly and he quickly waved his hands. "no worries. there's a reason i just do inventory. you're a trooper out there." he mumbled, and i smiled to myself. that made me feel a little better, knowing i was doing something that was harder for others. and getting through it, at that.

we sat in silence for a few moments and i scrolled through my phone. putting in my earbuds as i nodded my head softly to the music. i closed my eyes softly as i allowed the music to sink into my mind, feeling myself relax.

"whbhjf lisdfnnk tgjo?"

i ripped out my earbud and stared at chris. "sorry?"

"whatcha listenin' to?" he repeated, and i chuckled.

"ah, sorry. i literally had no idea what you said." i hummed and glanced at my phone. "can u feel your face by landon cube and lil gnar." i smiled softly, and his eyes lit up. "i love that song," he replied, visibly relaxing a bit more.

i smiled softly at him as he sat beside me. i blinked a few times before moving to sit in the chair closer to him, and offered him an earbud after careful investigation to make sure it was clean.

chris smiled warmly at me and we listened to music together until our break slowly came to an end.

-

i deep sigh left me as i looked over customer service. there was stuff everywhere, and i had no idea where any of it went. i felt a wave of stress run over me as i looked at the time. we closed three minutes ago, and i still had to take out the trash, wipe the counters, and go through returns and papers all over the counters and the floor.

"need some help?" i heard chris from the other side of the counter, and i smiled softly. "ah, i should be... fine..." my voice audibly sank lower with each word. chris shook his head and hopped the counter to come to the other side.

that may or may not have been the most attractive thing i had ever seen.

"i'll help you. i may not work up here but i know where things go." he mumbled and began picking some things up, making me smile softly at him. i wiped down the counters and took out the trash while chris organized the returned items and loose objects in the area.

with his help, we finished within fifteen minutes. "i really appreciate you," i breathed and smiled softly. "no problem," he started, before he paused and blinked a few times, looking over to me. "wait.. don't tell me."

i looked at him with a bit of confusion before fully turning my body to face him.

"did you walk to work again?"

i bit my lip and chuckled. "yeah, i don't really.. have any other way here." she smiled.

chris smiled and let out a soft laugh. "i can walk you home if you want?" he offered, and i blinked a few times.

"no no, please don't waste your time." i chuckled and looked down, rubbing the back of my head.

"i wouldn't be. you live right there, and i can't drive, so... i have to walk too." he chuckled, and i smiled with him.

after clocking out and collecting our things, chris and i began to walk. i held a hand against my stomach as i winced slightly. i was starving.

"you okay?"

chris's voice pulled me away from my thoughts as i turned to him and smiled shyly. "i um... haven't really eaten yet today." chris's face dropped. "y/n! we need to get food now." he scoffed as he blinked at me a few times, very clearly shocked.

"no no, please, i can get something at home. i really don't want to waste your time." i bit my lip as i looked up at him, but he shook his head fairly quickly. "y/n, i'm hungry too, so no, you aren't wasting my time... in fact, that won't ever be the case," he reassured, and i blushed slightly. "right," i nodded.

"there's a mcdonald's across the street. wanna get that?" he offered, and i smiled softly. "sure."

as we walked, he took out his airpods and handed me one of them. i smiled to myself as the music kicked on. way back by travis scott.

we reached the mcdonald's and he carefully opened the door for me. i entered and chuckled softly. "thank you, mister gentleman?" i joked, and he smirked. "don't even start," he replied, causing me to smile to myself.

"what do you get here?" i asked, looking at the large screen on the kiosk in front of us. "umm.. i don't know, it usually changes depending on what they got going on. can't fail with a ten piece though, right?" he asked, reaching over to press the button on the screen to add a ten piece chicken nugget to the order.

i smiled and nodded, pressing the same button. chris added a large fry and two medium drinks before taking out his phone and pressing it to the pinpad, apple pay visible on his phone screen. i blinked a few times.

"chris- i can pay for myself," i started, looking at him with a crinkled face. i absolutely hated when people paid for me.

"don't worry about it, i dragged you out to mcdonald's after insisting that i was hungry too," he smiled at me as his phone beeped, indicating the payment went through. i scoffed slightly. i guess he was right. "and you just got the job, so no paycheck yet," he added with a sheepish smile. i lightly smacked his arm. "shut up," i chuckled, and he laughed as we went to sit at a table and wait for our food.

my mind wandered as we sat and listened to the music playing lowly in each airpod. but then my mind landed on one thought.

"hey, you know maeve?" i questioned, blinking a few times.

chris seemed to throw his eyebrows up. "maeve, like at our work maeve?" he questioned, and i rolled my eyes. "no, the other one."

"don't be like that," he quickly responded with a soft chuckle, and i smiled. "yeah, that one."

"yeah, what about her?" he asked, and i bit my lip. "schedule said she was supposed to leave at 8, but she left at 4, right when i came in. i had no idea what i was doing for my entire shift." i mumbled and looked down. chris nodded and scoffed. "weird. she knows she shouldn't be leaving like that. pretty sure she got a warning for that a few weeks ago." he mumbled, and i nodded.

"she was kind of rude to me too, so.. i don't know, i'm probably overthinking it. sorry. i don't want to cause drama in the workplace. just wondering if she's normally like that." i mumbled, looking at my hands on the table.

chris nodded, listening closely to me. "i haven't seen her act that way before. i mean, maybe she's just upset that there's a new girl that's really pretty and she's jealous?" he stated nonchalantly, and i blushed darkly as i looked away with a soft smile.

it seemed to kick in, what chris had just said, because his face grew pink. "i mean- not that she's not pretty, even though you're prettier... but i mean not in a weird way," he rambled, and i chuckled, quickly causing him to hush.

"i appreciate it, chris." i smiled warmly, my face still red. chris chuckled shyly as he looked away.

"order 272!"

we both whipped our heads over, and before i knew it, chris was already grabbing the bag and thanking the lady who looked like she loved her job.

"ten piece for you, and ten piece for me," he stated as he pulled the items out with a bright smile. he spread out some napkins on the table and poured out the large fry before smiling proudly. "help yourself."

i chuckled. "wow, thank you," i responded and hummed, beginning to eat. i gasped as i remembered our drinks and stood up. "what do you want to drink?" i asked, standing up. he hummed softly, seemingly in deep thought.

"they only have coke products, so... i guess dr pepper will make do."

i smiled to myself. that was what i was going to get, too.

i nodded and made my way to the drink machine, deep in thought.

i had known this guy for two days and he was already making me feel nervous around him, and i didn't know how to feel about it. i swallowed and placed lids on the drinks, biting my lip. did i like chris? okay, let's be realistic. yes. i did like chris. we listened to the same music, he was cute, and a really nice guy... i guess i would see how things play out between us.

by the time i finished my thought, i was setting the drinks against the table and sitting back down across from him. "thanks, y/n/n." he mumbled, and i blinked a few times.

he looked at me mid-bite, blinking a few times. "sorry, is it okay if i call you that? i should have asked." he mumbled. he didn't seem to think of it as a big deal, but i blushed softly. i thought it was cute that he came up with a nickname for me so quickly. "i don't mind at all," i replied, smiling gently. he hummed in content.

the rest of the night was simple enough. we finished our food, talked about music, and he walked me home. it was chilly out, but i lived so close that i didn't bring anything up. when we reached my house, i sighed and turned to him. "thanks for tonight, the food and stuff.. i had a great time," i mumbled, and he smiled.

"me too. we should hang out more often. i like our vibe?" he said, a hint of confusion at the end as if he were trying not to come off as weird. i scoffed and nodded. "yeah, i agree." i hummed and began to step back towards my house. "you work tomorrow?" i asked, and he shook his head. "i'm off tomorrow. but i'd like to chat still?"

i stopped in my tracks and cocked my head to the side. "can i get your number?" he asked, and i blushed slightly. "oh, right, yeah sure..!" i stumbled over my words, and he handed me his phone.

i couldn't believe i was putting my number in this guy's phone. but i was happy i was. i smiled like a dork as i took his phone in my hands and began typing in my number. after finishing, i typed in my name with a little star emoji before handing it back to him. he furrowed his eyebrows.

"why a star?" he questioned, and i scoffed. "you know... star market?"

"i don't want to know you just for being my coworker," he muttered and smiled softly, blinking a few times. "but i'll leave it. it fits next to your name, anyways." he smiled as me and hummed. "okay, get some sleep. do you work tomorrow?" he asked, and i shook my head. "no, i'm off tomorrow."

chris smiled brightly. "same. i think nick works, but matt and i plan to hang out if you wanna tag along? i can text you about it later." he smiled, and i smiled back. "i don't want to intrude on your brother time. let me know." i replied, and he chuckled and nodded.

"text me when you get home?" i asked, and he nodded, smiling warmly at me. "i will." he hummed and stepped back. "have a good night!"

i waved and began to walk up to my porch and into my house, shutting the door.

i sighed deeply and looked up to see my mom staring at me. "who was that?"

i practically choked. "mom, why are you up?" i breathed, gripping my crewneck. "who was that? he's cute." she mumbled and i blushed darkly. "mom, he's just a guy from my work," i defended, trying to walk past her to the kitchen, but she followed quickly behind me.

"just a guy from work? y/n, you got off at midnight and it's almost two.." she smiled cheekily at me.

"he just.. offered to walk me home and we got food on the way." i mumbled, my cheeks pink. "his name's chris. he's a triplet." i smiled softly.

she throw her eyebrows up and hummed. "a triplet, huh? you don't see that every day."

"that's what i said!" i scoffed and hummed as i took a sip of my dr pepper. "anyways, i'm exhausted. i'm gonna try and get some sleep." i mumbled, and hugged my mom softly. "sleep well," she breathed, and i nodded before heading up the stairs.

-

after getting cozy and laying in bed, i made sure to set an alarm for 11am. no way i was sleeping through the day again. my phone buzzed and i turned to check it before smiling at the unknown number. i quickly changed his contact name before reading the message.

from: chris⭐ got home 🫡

i smiled softly to myself and reacted to the message with a heart, before beginning to type.

from: me glad to hear you didn't get kidnapped. going to bed?

i hummed and laid in bed, staring at my phone as it lit up my face in the darkness of my room.

from: chris⭐ nah, gonna run up some fortnite w matt

i scoffed, but that sounded about right.

from: me get that dub

i smiled softly as he reacted with a heart, and he began typing again.

from: chris⭐ i will bc u said that from: chris⭐ sleep well

i bit my lip. no way i was smiling like a little kid who just got what they had always wanted for christmas. i reacted with a heart and shut off my phone, setting it on the table beside my bed.

what have i gotten myself into?

HEYYYY heyyyy heyyyy ........ I HOPE THIS IS AWESOME SAUCE????? DEVELOPMENT FOR CHRIS AND Y/N!>"?>k@juof anyways i love u guysssss let me know what u think so far and what u guys want from this series !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! love u all

[fluff-n-cookies]

You may call me crow anon

Idk how any of this worls as i recently joined tumblr

But can i pls ask for platonic dabi who comes looking for sister reader after she moved out years ago from the todorkoi house and only keeps contat with fyumi, natsuo and occasionally rei?

Idl man

HI I don't know Either but WELCOME TO TUMBLR, I hope you enjoy your stay. I will add you to my anon list on my rules for requests page and. I hope to hear from you again, and fun fact you are my first EVER anon so thank you, It's my pleasure.

ANNNNDD for the sake of the story the reader has pink hair.

warnings Dabi tries to commit suicide. and some swearing.

RUN. do nothing but RUN.

RUN to find her. RUN to safety. RUN AWAY from the police.

Dabi's Inner monologue rang loud, louder than any other, louder than the sound of the police and the hero's trying to catch him. so, damn, loud.

Panting, the young 15 year old Dabi, who somehow managed to dye his hair and steal food for 2 years of his life, turned a swift corner into the alley way before jumping up to climb the fire shoot, it was now when it occurred to him.

(y/n) would not be happy to see the man you have become.

he froze for a second, scared, he did his best, he tried so hard to be a hero, a hero for his older sister, for she who believed in him when none else would, but it wasn't until the scorching pain of blood polling at his eye bags that he started to move again.

oh how he admired her, and her dreams of becoming rich, dreams of being someone other than their father daughter.

too bad they were broken down and beaten everyday.

too bad that Touya had to sit there and watch his darling sister, his one and only light, be dimmed and overshadowed.

it was worse he couldn't do anything.

it was worse he just could watch.

it was painful. even more so when at 16 she told him she'll be back soon, hugged their mom good bye, handed him a sheet of paper with the Words "We'll meet again" written in shabby hand writing, took the car and never cam back again, it wasn't for 4 hours at Touya realized something was wrong, it took Rei 1 day to notice something was wrong, it took 6 days for endeavor to notice, and 3 months before he actually started to care... that his car was gone. Fuyumi asked where "big sister" went, Enji never told her, and every time she would ask Rei, Rei would just burst into tears, eventually, Fuyumi stopped asking, Natsuo thought she was still at school, and Shoto simply forgot she existed. that year was the same year he faked his death, that was the year Touya Todoroki died, the day Dabi was born.

eventually he grew tired, the police had lost him, so had the heroes so why run when you're not being chased?

Dabi came to a stop, looking around before lighting a cigarette he stole from a convenience store sighing out the smoke, the hot smoke a huge contrast to the cool summer breeze, like you her kindness was a huge contrast to the rest of the family.

no one really acted right in the Todoroki household, their they were cold and brash, or had mental issues, most had daddy issues, and all should really go to therapy, she on the other hand was softer, kinder, a soul who needed helping but put the needs of other before herself. soft words, soft pink hair (a mix of white and red, odd since no-one else had pink hair.) and the most welcoming smile you ever saw.

she was always like that,

always such an angel.

Dabi leaned on the railing of the short building, smoking, reminiscing on memories of the past.

leaning too hard, and falling.

at this point it was intentional, how one to endure such horrors, who is the deity was cruel enough to taunt him by giving him the soul he adored the most and then ripping it right out of his hands?

it was a short fall, just as it was a short building, but he didn't land on concrete instead he landed on the dumpster.

greeted by the smell of dog shit, and the feel of soggy cardboard and black plastic garbage bags.

"the hell?" he whispered a sort of surprise that came to him as he realized this was not hell, but a smaller, stinkier, hell.

he was even more surprised when he realized he was not alone.

"oh dear! sir are you alright?!" a gentle voice yelled out, she was wearing a soft (favorite color) dress, and had the kindest eyes, that was the only way to describe her.

she helped him out of the dumpster, not even looking at his face.

just like (y/n) would

"hey, stay with me, we'll go to my apartment, just hold on tight."

she didn't even mind the smell of smoke on his T-shirt.

all he remembers after that is fighting, fight to stay awake, fight to thank the angel that is his savior.

then he remembers sinking into the soft cushions of a warm red or orange couch.

like fall, her favorite season. (sorry if you don't like fall)

then the angel came back, now is when she noticed the purple scorches, the piercing blue eyes, and the little white segments near the roots.

he was sure she was going to scream, he was sure she was going to run and flee, and call the police, but instead she carried on, gave him an ice pack, checked his temperature, check for any major wounds gave him some water.

nervously, she asked "I'm sorry to be asking this but are you by any chance a endeavor hater."

Dabi chuckled fighting back the blood from reaching his eyes this was her alright.

"(y/n), big sis," blood threatened to trickle down what was left of his cheeks.

poor girl, choked out a sob, scared to even embrace him scared he'll drift away like she drifted away from him, salty tears prickled the edges of her eyes.

"To-Touya," she gulped "I-"

she pulled him right toward her, holding him tight, just like she would when they were younger and Dabi had a nightmare and was scared, except now, Dabi was truly scared, sacred of both himself and the future, scared you would poof into vapor his arms if he hugged you too tight.

"I"M SORRY" she yelled out, letting her own tears fall.

that night was spent in a shabby apartment, that night was spent together, that bight Dabi promised himself.

I'm never letting you go, ever.

I TRIED MY BEST BUT IT WAS SHITTY ANYWAYS BYYEEEE

[cowboyjen68]

Hi, need some advice

I’m 28 and my wife is 26, we’ve been married for 4 years and she’s wants a baby. She asked during our first year of marriage but I said no because I thought we were to young and I wasn’t financially stable enough, but honestly there were just excuses. She recently asked again and I don’t know what to say. I think we’re both old enough, I make great money at my current job, we have the space, but part of me is scared. What if I’m a bad parent. My parents were not the best, my dad was in the military and almost never around when he was home, and my mom left whenever my dad was home and would only show up when he was deploying. I work in a corporate setting so I make well over 6 figures, but I’m gone almost 3 to 4 months of the year due to business deals and meetings. And I don’t wanna be like my parents and never there for my kid. I wanna give my kid everything I didn’t have but I’m scared I’ll just end up like my parents( My dad). My wife has been so supportive of me and has helped me get to where I am now and I feel like the least I could due is give her baby, but I don’t know how to tell her how I’m feeling about it.

Wanting to have and raise kids is the first and best step to becoming a good parent. If you did not want kids or you were hesitating because you did not want the committment of children it would be a whole different thing. If you don't want kids don't have kids. If you are happy at the thought of raising a family and the work seems worth it and something you and your wife can handle together then absolutely move forward.

We are not destined to be our parents or repeat their faults, especially when we are aware of the mistakes they might have made, whether intentional or accidentally.

As far as travel is concerned, kids can handle that especially in this age of technology and things like zoom, facetime etc. I know families in which on parent travels quite a bit and they have built in to their routine Marco Polo videos, zoom calls and even letter writing as a way to stay engaged and have fun connecting without little kids getting too bored.

Your wife should have lots of on ground support in your absence. Having a built in (or two or three) emergency sitter just in case is a great relief. Make sure you have a good pet boarding facility and are in good standing if you have dogs or cats so that if something were to arise she has back up when you are away. Putting in place these kinds of support take a lot of worry off the table. A cleaning service can help as well as a decent list of good places she can call for things like car problems, plumbing and other household repairs.

Take time from your job (you probably get adoption or maternity leave even if you are not the birth mom) to bond with an new arrival, baby or not. The first few months are important to establish a relationship with both new borns or older kids in the case of adoption or foster.

When you are home you don't have to over compensate for your absence. Your child and wife will have a routine in place, don't disrupt that too much. It will stress you and them out. Just becasue you have been gone you don't need to "make up lost time" if you have been communicating with your family while away. Make sure you take time for your wife and don't feel guilty for getting a baby sitter once in a while, you still need your intimate connection (grown up time) with each other.

Lots of families are healthy and happy with both parents working 40 plus hours and barely making ends meet. If creating and nuturing a family is what you both want, go for it.

[alyshiba]

Lilagon hen zaldrizoti

Part six: Shifting loyalties

Read on Ao3

Summary: AU where Visenya, Rhaenyra's only daughter lives and is born as her eldest child. To all of Westeros she is seen as the only trueborn child of Ser Leanor and Rhaenyra, but in truth her father happens to be Deamon.

Warning: Sex, smut, nakedness

Author's note: Thanks again for all of those who read or interact with what I post.. every time I see a notification my heart jumps <3

Thanks also to anon (or anons) who submitted my first request, I promise that I'll work on that oneshot before the next chapter of this story.

Should anyone wish to submit a request you can use this page of my blog and do so even anonymously if you so wish. Come the festivities I'll have much more time to dedicate myself to writing.

Also should anyone wish to be notified here on tumblr every time a new chapter comes out comment an I'll add you to the taglist.

Prequel | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11

Visenya woke up before her husband. The sun was not yet up in the sky so she decided to remain right where she was, curled up on one side facing Aemond. He seemed to be sleeping soundly sprawled on his back with one arm under his head and the other stretched out towards her, as if she posed no threat to his person, all the while she spent the night waking up every so often not daring to take her eyes off of him. She could have easily killed him at that moment, the Princess realized: she could have grabbed the dagger that was still hidden under the mattress and driven it into his chest, or she could have slid his throat, or she could suffocate him even and claim he died peacefully in his sleep, maybe poisoned during their wedding feast by unnamed enemies who wished for house Targaryen to go war with itself. She knew that if she did everything right it might even work without raising the suspicion of the greens.

So the Princess now lay on her marital bed, weighing her options: murder her husband and eliminate the last, greatest, weapon her enemies had, free Vhagar of his rider and potentially give her sister Rhaena her own dragon, or she could spare him and put all of her efforts into winning him over to their side. The usurpers still would find themselves lacking him and his dragon, and she would undoubtedly strengthen her position as heir and future Queen. For even with one eye only Aemond remained a fearsome warrior and the late King Viserys’ trueborn son, meaning that if Aegon was out of the picture his supporters would gather behind her husband hailing him as the true King of Westeros. She gave herself one more moment of contemplation before quietly and delicately crawling closer to him, Visenya had already sworn to herself that she wouldn’t live in fear of anyone and that she would play her role as the good and dutiful wife. That was exactly what she would do. So she pushed her body as close to her husband’s as possible, placed her head on his chest, and closed her eyes, pretending to sleep.

&lt;&lt;;I am still breathing>> Aemond’s voice was still sleepy when he finally woke up hours later. The sun was up in the sky and its rays were filtering through the sheer curtains placed on the two big windows at the sides of the bed. Visenya didn’t move even when he started to stretch his muscles, she only turned her head so that she could see his face. <<My husband is so perceptive>> She mocked while his hands moved to caress her naked body again. Aemond’s hands were calloused from the many hours he spent daily training with the sword in the yard, so they scratched her lightly every time they caressed her soft skin. It was not an unwelcome feeling though, she could see herself enjoying it in mornings like this, even more so, if they were on Dragonstone away from the grim prospect of war and court intrigues, far from betrayals and the fear of not waking up in the morning. <<I thought you might try and murder me in my sleep>> Aemond said as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Visenya moved her body so that she was half laying on top of him now: her chin resting on his chest, her breasts pressing on his torso, and one of her legs resting between his. His hands quickly adjusted to the new position, one cupped her ass cheek while the other absentmindedly started to draw circles on her spine. 

She wanted to look him in the eye as they spoke, to see the small movements of his face that betrayed his emotions, to understand if he was being sincere or not. &lt;<It was probably my safest option>> She admitted starting to toy with a long strand of his hair with her right hand, while the other lay on his chest feeling the hard muscle under his smooth skin. The corners of his mouth moved downwards in a mouth shrug at her words, probably agreeing with her, <<but it would start the very war my mother wishes to prevent>> she went on, wetting her chapped lips with a quick motion of her tongue, <<and you have not given me any reason to>> admitted the Princess <<yet>>. 

Visenya refused to underestimate her husband solely because he was missing an eye, she would not make that mistake. But there was a part of her that wished to believe that he could be a decent man, it was the hopeful part of her soul that wanted her mother to succeed in her quest of being a beloved Queen, the same part that made her swear to Rhaenyra to truly try and build a relationship with her husband, to find common ground, as she did with Leanor, and to not make her same mistakes. So she stared at Aemond for a while, waiting for his reaction and hoping not to end up a fool in the dragon’s mouth. 

&lt;<I can understand the reason why you think that having me killed would be safer>> He finally said, <<I would not have you killed>> she interrupted bitterly, emphasizing the last part of the sentence, <<if it came to that I would do it myself>> the Princess said with cold determination in her eyes. He thought of her weak and frail, she angrily realized. It didn’t matter that she was the heir to the throne now or the rider of the largest and most feared dragon living. It wouldn’t matter even if she became a skilled fighter, to men she would always be weaker and unable solely due to her gender. <<What I wish to understand is why you chose not to. I am not to be a pawn in anyone’s game>> He retorted. His calm tone enraged her even more, she felt the burning fire of her anger being lit in the pit of her stomach: she hated when she wasn’t taken seriously. But Visenya also knew herself, she couldn’t allow the fire to consume her and make her act without reason as it happened many times in her past, so she took one heavy breath, bit her lip, and extinguished the flames. <<I could’ve murdered you in your sleep, yes. Perhaps if I played it well I might have even succeeded in making it look like another’s fault>> She started explaining without ever breaking the stare they were sharing, <<but I reasoned that having you by my side had more advantages than putting you in the ground. You are fundamental for keeping the peace with your mother and her allies, you are Viserys’ son, and you are a skilled warrior and rider to the second largest dragon living>> Visenya chose carefully the words that poured out of her mouth, she wanted them to have an effect on Aemond but not embolden him with ideas about the throne she, one day, would sit on. 

Her husband’s hand had stopped drawing circles on her back, he now used it to move the strands of hair that had fallen in front of her face. He delicately moved each of them behind her ears so that her face was bare for him to see, &lt;<Rhaenyra’s peace will not hold>> he said cupping her cheek. She focused her attention on the sapphire nestled in Aemond’s eye socket, on how the light reflected on the small facets of the gem. She raised her hand and moved her index finger towards it, <<no>> said Aemond with that specific tone one uses to scold a misbehaving child, she ignored him and pressed her digit on the cold surface of the stone. The facets and edges of it made the surface feel uneven, but she found the feeling of it pleasing. She played with it for a bit, until she felt the warm hand of her husband closing on her wrist, moving her hand slightly further from his face. &lt;<You are mine to torment now>> She resolutely said freeing her hand and going back to what she was doing before, <<should my mother’s peace be challenged I shall take to the skies upon the Black Dread>> Visenya said keeping her tone cold, <<and remind our enemies why he was given that name in the first place>> she finally moved her hand to caress his cheek, mimicking his previous gesture but avoiding the scar that occupied a good portion of the side of his face, she didn’t know if it still hurt or not. <<And if you want to sit that throne by my side you will do the same, for I cannot see your brother sharing his power with anyone else>> She had seen the bitter stares the two brothers shared between themselves at the wedding feast, Visenya could accept that part of them were due to Aemond’s jealousy or possessiveness. But she understood pretty quickly that there was more behind them: she knew from her brothers' tales that Aegon often incited them in bullying his younger dragon-less brother, that he was as kind to Aemond as Luke and Jace had been, and that was evident the night her husband lost his eye. <;<You will sit on the throne he was placed on by your mother and grandfather>> The Princess voiced her discovery, <<the very seat he now considers his>> Visenya knew she had found the truth when Aemond refused to look her in the eyes, in the way he puckered his lips in frustration, <<it is impossible to put a leash on a dog once you placed a crown on his head>> she said moving his head and forcing him to look at her, <<your loyalty won’t matter to him, not now that he think you’re stealing what he considers his birthright>> his eyes betrayed the fact that he agreed with her. It must be painful, she thought, realizing that your own flesh and blood probably wish you dead, <<and if you are right and my mother’s peace won’t hold, your head will end on a spike sooner or later. And if he comes to doubt his children’s paternity..>> she couldn’t finish her sentence, <<they are not mine>> he whispered furiously, and his rage persuaded her to believe him, <<does he know that?>>

Whatever answer he might give her Visenya would never know, for that moment was interrupted by the loud knocking on the bedroom door. &lt;&lt;Who goes there?>> Asked Aemond, swallowing down all the emotions of their previous conversation. The Princess stood from the bed and went in search of the crate that contained most of her clothing, which should have been taken into her new quarters the day prior. <<Your clothes are in that wardrobe>> Said her husband pointing at a large wooden piece of furniture in the far corner of the room, <<although it would prefer being able to admire my wife’s body>> he cheekily added with a smirk. Visenya huffed at his comment and began to open every drawer and door of the wardrobe in search of her nightgowns. She finally found them and chose the one she dimmed the most modest: a black silk nightdress that covered her body from neckline to shins and was opaque enough to hide her nakedness underneath. As she slid the piece of clothing on herself she heard the strong voice of Ser Edric announce the presence of her mother-in-law.

Visenya took a big breath and stared at herself in the mirror, with the corner of her eye she saw Aemond shooting her a worried look, probably fearing her reaction to the news and to the presence of his mother. &lt;&lt;Give us a moment>> He shouted back grabbing a robe from one of the dressers on the other side of the room. The Princess stared at her reflection for a long moment, she felt again the fire of her rage being lit in her stomach, this time she wanted to allow it to consume her, to unleash it on Alicent: the living and breathing reason why her mother had been, even if briefly, usurped, why Rhaenyra had to go through the horror her infant sister’s birth, endangering her health and mind, why the babe had been born dead and horribly disfigured. She wanted to make the dowager Queen suffer as her mother had when she had laid her eyes on the dead body of her last child, of her sister who will never see the light of day. But Visenya knew that for the sake of the Queen’s peace she couldn’t, he would have to swallow down her anger again and extinguish the flame in order to preserve that fragile peace that was holding the realm together.

Aemond once again shot her a worried look before ordering Ser Edric to open the door and allow Alicent in. The Princess shared a brief look with her sworn guard, being swallowed for a second in the embarrassment of the realization that he had probably heard them last night. But it lasted a moment, for after her quick nod he closed the door and resumed his post on the other side.

The three of them stood frozen for a long moment, neither knowing what to do or what to say in that situation. It was Aemond that took the reins signaling his wife to close the distance between them and come to stand by his side, as she was expected to. &lt;&lt;Mother>> He began, moving one of his big arms around his wife’s body and drawing her closer to himself, &lt;<;I hope you are well rested>> he said. Visenya used the moment between mother and son to study the Queen’s former childhood friend: Alicent was thin, she couldn’t say if she was healthy thin, or worryingly so, for her body was covered in layers and layers of undergarments and a green velvet dress. Yet the bags under her eyes and her slightly hollow cheeks betrayed a lack of sleep, the Princess assumed that the dowager Queen hadn’t slept very well ever since Rhaenyra took her rightful place on the Iron Throne. Yet she wouldn’t be fooled by Alicent’s frail appearance, the Princess saw in the older woman’s eyes her cleverness and her strength. Her mother-in-law hadn't given up on her plans.

Visenya knew why Alicent was here, after all, she was the one who fed the court rumors of her brothers' illegitimacy, and it was obvious that she was looking for signs to accuse her of not being a maiden, of having deceived Aemond and gifted her maidenhead to gods-know-who, for the apple doesn’t fall far from the three. The Princess knew well that such rumor would reignite doubts and old discussions, she had spent years hearing her mother’s pleas not to make the same mistakes, to be smarter than she had been in her youth. So Visenya didn’t fear Alicent’s scrutiny, for she had saved her maidenhead for her husband, the bedsheets held the proof of it, but the presence of her mother-in-law still irritated her. &lt;<Questioning my virtue is treason>> The Princess said teasingly, <<yet you are welcome to inspect your son’s sheets. You will find proof that he was the one who took my maidenhead last night>> she continued after Aemond squeezed her side in an attempt to remind her to behave and not stir any more trouble. <<Visenya bled when I took her mother>> Her husband said when Alicent strolled towards the bed to do what she came to. It didn’t stop her though, and she quickly and softly apologized when she saw the small blood stain in the center of the bed. 

After that scene the servants and maids started to pour into the room, changing bedsheets and drawing a much-needed bath for the newlywed couple. Alicent took that moment to grab Visenya’s hands and look her in the eyes, the Princess fought lightly that unwanted contact but the dowager Queen held on, &lt;&lt;did he hurt you?>> her question was nothing more than a whisper, and for a moment Visenya forgot about the monster who brought so much pain, fear, and horror to her family in the past few moons. She saw the worried eyes of a mother, and for a moment a knot formed at the mouth of her stomach: she would never feel pity for that woman, never, but the Princess quickly realized the implication of that question, and her heart broke for her aunt Helaena. <<No>> She responded in the same hushed tone finally able to take hands away from Alicent’s grip, <<;Aemond was gentle>> she added. There hadn't been love in last night’s coupling, but she won’t deny that she had enjoyed it terribly. And mostly she was grateful that her husband took her pleasure into consideration when he could have simply performed his duty quickly or worse: taken her against her will and hurt her. Alicent nodded and left after that answer.

Visenya grew quickly tired of all the noise and fuss in the room, and once she saw that the bath was drawn and filled with hot water commanded everyone to leave the room, save for her husband. She left the nightgown pool at her feet, tied her hair quickly in a bun on top of her head, and climbed in the bath, basking in the hot, almost boiling, water. The Princess closed her eyes and slid down, submerging almost her entire body and enjoying the feeling of the hot water on her skin. It was peaceful and relaxing until the spell was broken by Aemond clearing his throat. She huffed, opened her eyes, and turned in his direction, &lt;&lt;don’t take too long>> he said moving to sit on the bed, his eye never leaving her figure &lt;<I too need a bath, and I hate to wash in cold water>>. He was about to let his body fall lazily on the mattress when she grinned and turned her upper body to face him <<join me then, there is enough space for you as well>>. Her husband returned her grin when he rose, discarded his robe on the floor revealing once again his perfectly toned body to her, climbed in the bath, and sat right in front of her.

The water level increased significantly when he finally settled. Aemond took care of not wetting his long hair by pushing them out of the bath. She looked at him for a moment, and at his silver locks now brushing against the outer edge of the metal bath, then Visenya decided to move and sit on his lap, &lt;<I need assistance in scrubbing my back, for I cannot reach it>> she said handing him the bar of soap and the washcloth the maids had left for them on a stool next to the bath. She shifted her weight and moved to stand on her knees, taking care not to accidentally hurt him, so that her whole back was bare for her husband. He proceeded to complete the task carefully, washing and scrubbing every inch of her skin. When Aemond was finished she turned again to face him, straddling his lap. <<What did my mother want from you?>> He asked putting the soap and the cloth back where she had found them, <<she wished to know if you had forced yourself on me against my will>> she said resting her hands on his strong shoulders, <<I told her that you had been gentle>> she continued while starting to masse them lightly. Aemond’s hand traveled and settled on her hips, drawing her body closer to his until they were once again pressed against one another, <<that’s all?>> he asked softly, <<did you wish me to sing her the praises of your cock?>> she laughed lightly, raising a brow at her husband. He returned the smirk and moved one hand to the back of her neck. <<Aemond>> She called in a more serious tone when his face started to move closer to her collarbones. He groaned and looked up to her face, <<I believe you, about Helaena’s children. But you know Aegon won’t>> she said taking his face in her hands, <<you know it>> Visenya saw the conflict in her husband’s lilac eye, it might be a low blow to further feed the brothers' bitterness towards one another, but the only chance of preserving her mother’s peace as well as the lives of her siblings and parents rested on her ability to make him understand the stakes at play, <<I know this is but the calm before the storm, but I swear that we shall do everything in our power to protect them. My mother doesn’t wish for their blood>> the princess moved closer to him, so close that she could feel his warm breath on her face, <<all I ask is that you return the favor and swear to not cause harm to my family>> he groaned at her request. She knew it would be impossible for him to forgive her brother, Luke above all, and she knew he would never grow close to them. But Visenya didn’t care if he liked them or not, if he had chosen to resent them for life or not, all she wanted was to sleep at night knowing that at the very least she had one less person to look out from, one less worry.

&lt;<I know they were cruel to you>> She said gaining his full attention, &lt;<I know what you endured at their and Aegon’s hands it is unforgivable>> Visenya started to slide her hands lower, on his tones chest first, <&lt;I do not ask forgiveness>> her hands moved lower on his abs resting her delicate fingers briefly on his hard muscles, <<only for your word that you will not kill or maim them>> her hands were slowly sliding lower still, <<you said it yourself last night: you have no more need for Luke’s eye>> she whispered on his lips reaching for his already hardened manhood. She closed her hands on his shaft and began to move her hands up and down gaining a series of groans and curses from him <<let me repay the debt he owes you>>. 

Aemond slid his hands behind her, and made her move back to the other side of the bath, &lt;&lt;;turn around>> he commanded between heavy breaths, Visenya did as she was told and rested on her knees holding her weight with her hands on the border of the metal bath, <<bend over>> he said again pushing on her back so that she rested her entire upper body on the border. He used his knee to spread her legs and then rested between them, <<I swear I shall not arm you very Strong brothers>> he whispered in her ear guiding his cock at her entrance, <<but that is a debt that will take a lifetime to be paid over>> he finally said pushing himself all inside of her. 

Visenya let out a loud moan as Aemond started to thrust inside of her, as his pace grew faster and her moans of pleasure higher she arched her back and felt her husband’s big hand resting on her throat pulling lighter towards him. His groans too grew louder with his pace, and Visenya thought that if the price to pay for her family’s safety was this sweet torture she would happily endure it for the remainder of her life. 

When Aemond released himself in the bath the water had grown cold and neither had properly washed, so under the spent and grinning stare of her husband she had to walk towards the door and ask Ser Edric to order the maids to bring up more hot water for the bath. 

Taglist: @hawsx3, @readsalot73 @tempt-ress @but-i-write-so-i-must-count @arignipanja574 @scaraxmouche

[tarnishedxknight]

{out of dalmasca} Well... I'm finally home. I got home around 2:30PM. Saturday. For a same-day procedure scheduled for 4:30PM Friday that should have taken from check-in to discharge about 4-5 hours.

Yeeeeeeeah...

It. Was. An absolute nightmare. I'll briefly summarize below a cut for anyone who wants the dirt and to hear my harrowing tale of woe, lol, but long story short, it was one of the worst experiences of my life and I never want to go back to that hospital ever again, heh. Which.. is sad. I was born in that hospital. My mother was a nurse there for the majority of her career. She loved that hospital. My life was saved there when I was two and sick with JRA, and my dad's was saved when he was in his 60s and he got a rare blood infection. But this experience? -47/10 would not recommend. But it's done, the actual surgery went well, now I just have to heal up. =)

Okay, so. What happened was... someone who should've had a 2-hour surgery before me to have their appendix removed ended up having a cancerous tumor there that nobody expected. It was really in there good and wrapped around important things, and the surgery took 8 hours to safely remove it. So my appt. time was 4:30PM, I was told to get there at 2PM, I got there at 1:45PM... and I didn't have surgery until 11:45PM. It was a total fiasco of everything that could possibly go wrong... going wrong.

Machines broke down or malfunctioned. They did a random maintenance of the computer system so none of the nurse could log into their little mobile kiosk accounts. I had two different bed issues. One took three nurses to figure out how to lock it so it didn't move around (the table I was having surgery on), and the other bed (my post-op recovery bed) the nurse backed so far up that it got hiked up onto a drawer of a shelving unit behind it and then wouldn't raise or lower. When she figured this out, she closed the drawer, causing the bed to painfully and suddenly drop like 8 inches to the floor with me in it. My check-in nurse disappeared and they couldn't find him for a solid hour and I had to get another one and restart the whole process. Another forgot to take an IV port out of an elderly patient who had been next to me and let him go home with it, only to have to walk him through removing it over the phone later. None of this instilled confidence.

They put me in a room after surgery because "it's late now," and the phone didn't work in the room. Neither did the TV. That's okay because I couldn't see anything anyway AND I had no cell phone because my dad took them, because they told him he'd be coming back in a couple hours to take me home and then... just kidding. So I sat in one room for 8 hours before surgery, and then sat in another post-surgery for 13 hours. With. Nothing to do (except they did have a passable portable tv in the first room, which I'll get to in a second). Unable to see or make calls. And I had none of my meds that prevent other serious medical issues while sleep so......... I couldn't sleep. I had to fight to stay away or risk things going wrong in other ways. Dear gods, the boredom and stress.

I was put in a room with a terminally ill cancer patient who wanted to chat and tell me in gory detail everything about her illness. That... was not what I needed right just then. Then, she kept like... I would push the call button (once I found out where it was because nobody told me), and because I was hidden in the back and she was by the door, they would just ask her what she wanted, she'd get help to do this that or whatever, and then they'd leave again without even talking to me.

Just outside our room was the man who had the appendix out. He was shrieking, crying, and moaning all night long because he was in pain, and they couldn't give him anything for it because his blood pressure had bottomed out. It was like something out of a horror movie, except real, to listen to the sounds of agony this poor man was making. Extremely upsetting. I cried twice just because I had a visceral human response to the sounds he was making. Another reason why I got no sleep.

I am supposed to be on a low fat diet, at least until I heal. Also, when you have GE surgery, the last thing you want is to drink caustic acid. So what do they bring me for breakfast? Orange juice, raw pineapple, and tart strawberries (I could feel them all burning on the way down, I was in agony), and then scrambled eggs with melted cheese, fried breakfast sausages, and fried potatoes. Like. What the actual fuck. And coffee. I detest coffee. When I asked for tea I got looked at funny and told they couldn't give that to me. Apparently hot tea is a burn risk, but hot coffee is fine. Yeah, okay, sure. Tell that to that woman who sued McDonalds for burning her own lap. I couldn't eat the potatoes, they were so dry I was afraid of choking on them, it was ridiculous. But I ate and drank as much as I could because, all told during this process, I had gone 17.5 hours without water, and about 21 hours without food.

The reason they kept me overnight was because my surgeon just left afterward. He didn't talk to me, didn't give discharge orders, didn't say anything, he just left. Then, as of like 6AM when they called him, he didn't answer, until around 12PM when they gave up and called another doctor, who basically said yeah I'm busy I'll get to it when I get to it. Hence me not being released until 2PM.

And the pain is..... omg intense. Debilitating. Not at all what was described to me as what to expect. And I'm no wuss, I've been in and out of hospitals since I was two, I have 10 piercings, I had all four wisdom teeth extracted and was eating pizza later that same day lol, and I have a very high pain threshold, so for me to say the pain is A Lot™ is.... yeah. This is hell. I am in hell. XD

But I am home now and I just need to somehow get through the next few days until the pain gets better and my life gets more normal. My sleep schedule is all messed up and the pain is distracting, so I'm not sure when I'm going to be on to write. Over the next 3 days or so, I'll do what I can, when I can. If I feel like it's comforting and therapeutic, I will. If not, I won't.

BUT... the one ray of light in this hellish process was that in the room I was in for 8 hours the first time, they had a TV, and even though everything was blurry without my glasses, I found a channel playing movies. I got to watch the classic Ghostbusters II, which I love, and then they had back to back Iron Man and Iron Man 2. Got all the way through them, and then they moved me 10 minutes before IM2 ended, which was... rude. I've already seen it but still. That's so annoying. XD

The funny thing was, the night before surgery I was so anxious I couldn't sleep, so I was on my phone watching and listening to random videos and music. I found my favorite music video of Tony Stark/Iron Man that I hadn't seen in a long time, and it was weird for me to click on it because lately I haven't been writing him and I felt a bit detached from the character. So I thought it was funny that I randomly watched that the night before, and then I'm in the hospital watching Iron Man movies on their TV, haha. Needless to say, my muse for Tony is now through the roof, so... that's going to be a thing for a while.

Weirdly enough, watching Tony going through all the medical stuff with his reactor, and watching him battle his own anxiety and neuroticism, was strangely comforting to me sitting hours on end in a hospital awaiting surgery having one panic attack after another. I know, it makes no sense, you'd really think it'd make me more nervous, or that it would exacerbate my anxiety, but you'd be wrong. Neurodivergence ftw, heh. XD

Anyway, I'm home, I'm hurting, but I'm okay. And actually, despite everything going wrong, my actual surgery apparently went "perfect textbook" well. So that's the most important thing. I may be lurking for a couple days unless I get better sleep and my pain gets to a level where I can do more with my brain than just sit here and think.... ow. XD I'll see how I feel in the next few days and if I need to extend my hiatus from my regular rp schedule further, I'll let everyone know.

[niuniente]

Thanks, @lylakoi, for the tag! I loved your dream job :D Can I join you?

1. Are you named after anyone?

Yes and no. No in a way that I’d be named after anyone special, and yes in a way that my grandmother named me - and she named me with the exact same name as her brother named his daughter. So my, uh, great cousin(?) and I shared fully identical names for some time.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Good thing, I don’t remember! :3 Not that there’s nothing wrong with crying, for me it just means that things are easier when there’s no need for release through tears.

3. Do you have kids?

No.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Not much, I think. I’m not really the one joking, which is a shame for my roots as my people DO use sarcastic humor a lot. It’s a national trait. I think sarcasm is a delightful form of jokes but it needs to be delivered at the right time, in the right company, for it to work and not turn into something negative.

6. What's your eye color?

Grey

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

PFFFT there aren’t movies scary enough for me. I think happy endings are nice in a world where so many want to tell stories with shocking endings, whether it really fits the narrative or not. A well delivered shocking ending or a twist? Now THAT’S something to love!

8. Any special talents?

Weirdly enough I can tell the time without looking at the clock, by 10-15 minutes. Every hour feels different and every half pass hours feel different, too. If I can’t tell the time like this, even when waking up, it means I’m exhausted or sick somehow and need rest.

9. Where were you born?

Finland

10. What are your hobbies?

Collecting stickers, studying Japanese, drawing, tasting different ice-creams, listening to paranormal and near-death experience podcast, watching paranormal documentaries (whenever they are new good ones), buying more books than I can read lol.

11. Have you any pets?

No. Never had. I move often and stay part of each year away from home, and when I travel I travel for weeks. It would be unfair for a pet so I don’t have any.

12. What sports do you play/have played?

I tried naginata (Japanese spear) but a) there were no lessons for beginners with no experience of any martial arts and b) anemia is a bitch. I went to taiji once, too. I wish I was a sporty person but I’m not. It’s hard to be sporty when you’re chronically ill.

13. How tall are you?

1,53 cm ( 5.0ft) (LYLAKOI = SAME!!)

14. Favorite subject in school?

In art school I loved art performance studies the best. In school, I enjoyed drama lessons. Acting is something I LOVE to do but can’t dedicate myself for the lessons, nor is my health in the right place. Many hobby theater groups are physically as demanding as real theaters. Acting is physically demanding!

15. Dream job? An atomic priest. (If not, then a story teller and someone who somehow makes this world better place)

Tags go to anyone wishing to do this! Say I tagged you, because I did, and don’t be modest :3 This IS for YOU.

[zalrb]

If Elena broke up with Stefan and Damon at the end of season 4, because of everything she went through with vampirism and her humanity. How would she and Stefan find their way back to each other?

I wrote a bit about that in the beginning of my drabble:

Stefan hadn’t told Elena where they were going. He hadn’t said anything during the drive either and Elena hadn’t asked. He’d just come into her room a couple of hours before, where she’d been pacing, thoughts racing, emotions barely suppressed, took her hand and said, “Come with me.”

Even now, even after everything, she trusted him absolutely, and that was why the silence between them wasn’t tense but an intimate understanding, a familiarity borne out of knowing each other as deeply as they did.

Stefan stopped the car after another half hour. They were outside of a cemetery. Elena felt something inside of her start to stir.

“Stefan…”

“Come on,” he said.

He got out of the car and after a beat, Elena followed, walking through the entrance and down a path until they reached a tombstone that read JOLENE. Elena started to panic. Her worst fear. Her worst shame.

“They found her body a few weeks ago,” said Stefan.

She didn’t know how long they stood there, his arms around her, her pressed against him, but when he pulled away, he held her gaze, waiting patiently for her cries to settle, for her breathing to calm, like he had when she turned her humanity back on. After a while, he spoke.

“I never wanted this for you,” he said. “To feel the guilt, the self-hatred, the despair. But now that you have, you have to make amends.”

“I’ll never be able to make amends for what I did,” she said.

“But you have to try. That’s what it’s all about, Elena, you have to try. And the first step, no matter how inconsequential or stupid or useless it seems, is to apologize. To her.”

Elena chewed on her lip, glancing fearfully at the tombstone before walking towards it. With a trembling hand, she touched the stone and then collapsed in front of it. Stefan moved to walk away but Elena called out.

“Please, don’t go.” She needed him there. “Please?”

He nodded. “OK.”

Stefan pulled into the Salvatore driveway. Elena had been emotionally spent after the cemetery and had ended up resting her head against him for the drive, comforted by the feel of his body, the support of his shoulder, the familiar comfort of the crook of his neck. When he idled the car, she pulled away from him and gave a small smile.

“Thank you,” she said. “For today. You knew exactly what I needed to do. You always…”

He looked at her, his eyes searching hers. “I’m always here for you,” he said. “That hasn’t changed." 

I think something that isn't spoken about as much as it should be when it comes to SE is Elena saying -- and this isn't even when they're together anymore -- that Stefan knows her better than anyone, anyone else that's including Jeremy and Bonnie and Matt and Caroline and obviously Damon

and I think that connection could bring them back together post season 4. Elena never actually has to deal with the fallout of the things she did when she had no humanity, like 4x23 was all about how she was deflecting from the grief and the pain and the guilt by honing in on rage and when she stops, it’s to mourn Jeremy who comes back and then we kind of just move on so I think if Elena was still plagued by what she did or if there were even aspects of having her emotions switched off that she actually missed because life in some ways was easier and she’s too ashamed to admit this to anyone but Stefan knows because he knows her but also because he can understand those feelings with his ripper history and then they start spending more and more time together and the feelings are starting swirl, I think that would make sense but Elena wouldn’t admit to those feelings until a particular moment, which is ---

Something else I've brought up is when they were together and broke up or when they were in the together-not-together phase, a major thing that would bring them back together a lot of the time was Stefan doing something for either a friend or family member:

1x06

1x09

Even 1x10, when Stefan saves Caroline

he insists that the potential of violence is why they can’t be together

to which she says

but what she’s seeing is how Stefan always strives to protect.

Season 2 is also a great example of this:

2x06

2x07

and she clearly goes to him for her own comfort in 2x08

and in 2x09

but it isn’t until 2x10

that they reconcile in 2x11

Even when he saves Matt in 3x22,

she’d already made her choice before that, but him saving Matt solidified that choice

and is what prompted her to say this in 4x01

so I think I would have him risk his life for one of the group or for a complete stranger and it makes the feelings undeniable for Elena.

[somewhat-adorkable]

My goddaughter was born on April 6th, 2021.

The world felt real again in May of 2023.

This is going to be an extremely long post and contains a lot of potentially triggering content so proceed with caution.

Her mom, K, is my best friend. She had lived with me for almost seven years, and I was the first person she told she was pregnant.

It was mid November, I was up at 5am getting ready for work. She worked a night shift so normally we only saw each other on our days off, when I dropped her off at work, and when she woke me up to tell me she was home. She hadn't woken me up the night before.

I was confused when she walked in, normally she slept till noon. She held something out to me and I blinked a moment, processed that what I was looking at was a positive pregnancy test.

What I said was "K, I told you so, you dumb slut."

Because I had. I told her that her boyfriend was just out to knock her up and I had told her two weeks prior that she was pregnant. I could feel it.

The next thing I said was, "it's a girl, you know. Are we happy or.....?"

We decided we were.

The next few months passed rapidly and a lot happened. It was a blur of us going to doctors appointments, lots of staring at a blob on a screen that we called Baby Bean.

She was six months pregnant when she moved in with her sister. She wanted to, since her sister had already raised three kids. Around the same time, it was decided my then partner would move in with me.

Less than a week after K moved, I was at her house before work and I said "I want you to make a doctor's appointment for today."

"Why?" She laughed, "I feel fine."

"K," I warned, "please call? Now? Something is wrong. I can feel it."

She humored me and called, got an appointment for later that morning. I asked her if I needed to take off work to go with her, she said no, she would call a cab. I was training for a new job and she didn't want me to miss anything.

I asked her to call me after her appointment, she said she would.

I left for work.

Two hours later, at 9am, I got a phone call and she was sobbing.

"K, come on," I said, "breathe, I need to understand you if you want me to help."

She explained that her blood pressure was in the 200s, that the doctor was terrified she would have a stroke, that they were taking her to a hospital three hours away by ambulance.

"I'll tell Jeff to bring me home now," I said, signaling for the man that was training me, "I'll be there when you get there."

But we agreed that instead I would call her mom. It was mid covid and she could only have one person there. I called her mom for her and explained.

A few hours later, K called again, she only had 30 minutes to make a decision:

1. She could try to hold out and there was a 100% chance her and the baby would die because of her blood pressure not coming down regardless of treatment.

2. She could have an emergency C-section at 26 weeks pregnant. There was an 80% chance she would live, but a less than 10% chance Baby Bean would live.

My body went completely numb.

She signed everything over to me. Her will said I would take care of everything, that if she passed I would make all the decisions regarding Baby Bean. I told her okay.

She asked if I understood if Baby Bean died, she would die too.

I said I knew that all along.

She chose to have the C-section.

April 6, 2021 at 4:14pm, my goddaughter was born.

She weighed right at 14oz, she was 10in long.

I video chatted with K when she woke up, she cried, I told her everything would be okay. That Baby Bean was strong and so was she.

I didn't believe a word I was saying. I was terrified. I accepted the reality I would lose my best friend and the baby I loved from the moment I knew she existed.

We video chatted every day, for hours at a time, often saying nothing and just existing together.

They told her Baby Bean would likely not survive the week, that if she did then she would be blind, deaf, and likely mute. If her brain even developed beyond where it was at. K couldn't hold her, couldn't touch her, they didn't have tubes small enough to even feed her properly and were using q-tips.

In my daily life, I kept moving. I tried for my new job, I prepared for my partner to move in, but dread ate at me constantly. Feeling as if every moment was just the edge of a great plunge into darkness.

Baby Bean survived the week.

On April 19th, I had my first official day at work. And my then partner moved in.

I mostly felt like a blur.

Admittedly I avoided her room (long story short, pulled a gun from a previous roommates mouth in that room just a couple months before hand, and opening the door gave me a deep sense of anxiety), but mostly it was because when I was home I needed to know that K and Bean were okay.

The reality is I was overwhelmed, terrified, no sleeping or eating properly, then I added an extra layer of autistic burnout to the situation by adding extra people to my house.

On April 21st, my mom walked in my room and told me my cousin Destiny and her boyfriend were murdered, and a part of my world fell apart completely.

A couple days later, my grandmother died.

My grandmother's side of the family disowned me with her gone. I lost a massive part of my extended family.

A couple days after that, my brother committed a major crime and went on the run.

I told none of this to K.

She had enough going on, she didn't need my shit too.

In May, Baby Bean developed a massive brain bleed.

In May, Baby Bean got a major infection at one of her IV sites.

In May, Baby Bean got a blood infection.

I was.... not okay. Not okay in a way I will ever be able to verbalize. I was self-harming again, everything made me feel sick, but I did my best to put on an act.

My best friend was going through something horrific and unimaginable and I couldn't be there. I couldn't help. I could do nothing but sit with her on video chat and look at this tiny thing in an incubator and beg it to please become a baby.

My own problems were stomped down in exchange for everyone else, I did my best over and over but in my daily life I was told it wasn't enough.

Mid May, my partner joined a couple dating apps because I... well, wasn't doing enough of the right things, to be blunt. We were poly, so I told myself it was okay, because it has to be. That I was selfish to make it about me. I only vaguely mentioned it to K, but I smiled and told her it was okay, that I was fine.

In June, I was able to visit K for the second time, the first time being in mid May, and the visit went well. I brought my then partner with me, to what felt like a sacred meeting. We weren't allowed in the hospital, of course, but we went out to eat.

Middle of June my birthday rolled around. Things... well... didn't go great. My family tried but the shadow of something else, not the situation with K, drug me down. On the phone with K that night, I softly told her what happened and how bad it hurt me.

She cried almost hysterically, raised her voice, she had spent the past 10 years making my birthday special and was angry and upset that someone else would make me feel unimportant.

"you are the most lovable person I know," her text said, "no one you love should make you question your worth, even for a second. I could not have asked for a better friend, you may be a tad bent but the best people are."

The day after my birthday, my brother was sentenced to prison.

End of June, my partner and I broke things off.

End of June, my godmother passed away from a surgical complication.

I spent so much time feeling like I was in limbo, never feeling fully connected to anything around me.

Everything felt distant, I felt broken and lost in a profound way.

My entire life was viewed from the outside for months.

I developed intense panic attacks, vivid nightmares where I would claw my skin raw and clench my jaw so hard my gums would bleed.

In November 2021, my goddaughter came home.

She weighed just above five pounds. She had an NG tube, a heart monitor, had special formula and a multitude of special doctors to see every other week.

The first time I held he I cried. For the first time in eight months, she felt real. Tangible. A living, breathing thing.

And time kept moving.

I kept moving.

May of 2023, I was house-sitting and something... popped. Something in my head.

Suddenly my world was bright, vivid, everything was in first person point of view again.

I panicked. It was the worst panic attack I've ever had. I cried, screamed, vomited, shook violently and almost passed out at several points.

For the next couple weeks, I would have those panic attacks every couple days.

I almost had a full mental breakdown.

We upped my medication and added a new one.

It's January 2024, and to this day I worry about Bean constantly. Showers give me panic attacks. Windchimes make my heart race because that was the first thing I heard when my brain finally decided it was done with its constant state of depersonalization.

I'm still learning to cope with everything that happened, and sometimes it feels neverending.

My goddaughter was born on April 6th, 2021.

The world felt real again in May of 2023.

[lya-dustin]

Cupid kills with arrows

Chapter 4

Cw: mentions of past child abuse and exploitation

Gif by @lady-crumplebottom

Aemond finds himself awoken by the whispering of the handmaidens tasked with caring for them.

“Her grace needs the sheets.” Talya whispers and gestured to the sleeping maiden he’s disappointed within the first six hours of marriage. “The Council needs proof.”

Of what?

That Aemond was not man enough to take his own wife’s maidenhead?

That the throne may as well go to Jacaerys because Aegon fucked him up so bad that he doesn’t know if he could ever bed Aemma?

“I will speak to my mother about the matter, Talya. Let Princess Aemma sleep in, I ruined her wedding night anyways.” He dismissed her and began to ready himself for the day.

They are supposed to leave for the royal hunting lodge where the newlyweds are expected to do nothing but fuck and enjoy their company away from everyone for an entire moon.

A new thing done especially for them because their mothers need them to have a happy marriage and a child for it to work.

Until last night, Aemond had been all for it. To have his Aemee to himself for an entire moon and make her know she had not made a mistake marrying him.

All that shattered in one moment.

What a fucking mess it had become.

Aemond finds her awake, not bothering to move from the bed as Talya quietly demanded the fucking sheets and left exactly as he had left her.

“What is there to tell the queen? If she want the sheets, she can come get them herself.” Aemma snapped at the handmaiden who had forgotten willfulness is a trait every Targaryen is born with.

It would be humiliating, for her and for him. Her for not enticing her husband enough, he for not being able to fuck his wife.

He can hear it now, gods, he’s never hated Aegon more.

“What do you mean nothing happened?” Alicent asked in a whisper as Talya confirmed what the lack of sounds indicated last night.

“He blamed the wine, your highness.” The handmaiden answered knowing he had lied.

This was not good.

The only reason this marriage was permitted by her father was because it would ensure their blood would be on the throne no matter what happened.

The only way to stop Otto Hightower ---a man who has never known war and yet craves it--- from starting burning Westeros to the ground to put Aegon on Rhaenyra’s Throne.

They needed Aemond to sire sons on Rhaenyra’s impertinent and willful daughter more than they needed to make nice with the Blacks.

They needed to keep this a secret from her father.

Speaking of the Stranger.

“Your son has proven to be just as much as a disappointment as your elder children, daughter. It is bad enough the court knows he is a man-maiden, but even Laenor Velaryon managed to bed his whore of a wife and get her with child.”

Otto Hightower had never truly been a good father, mother had softened him, but when she died and Myles and Gwayne left to Oldtown, Alicent was left alone with him.

When she failed to entice Daemon at the age of four and ten ---who only ever saw her with suspicion after that---into accepting his deal, he struck her for not being good enough.

Never hit her in a place anyone would see, no, he needed her to look her best ---better than Rhaenyra who everyone knew was meant to marry her uncle and secure the succession--- so he could sell her to the highest bidder.

Didn’t matter that man had been her only friend’s father or that she was barely five and ten.

Her friend ---who she loves like a sister--- whom he has been dreaming of killing since Queen Aemma died.

Had he been anyone else , Alicent would have reprimanded him for calling Rhaenyra a whore and accusing Aemond of not being man enough.

But whenever her father is near her, Alicent feels like the girl of five and ten being told to seduce the king in her mother’s dress before the Queen’s ashes had even cooled.

“I am sure he will remedy that before the honeyed moon is over, father.” The queen hoped that would be enough to placate him.

No need to make this a matter for the council.

But he will, just to show he has that power over them.

That he ---a second son who only inherited his wits from his Redwyne mother--- rules Westeros in all but name.

Aemma has been told she is a beauty; she is confident in her beauty and knows men find her desirable.

Up until last night.

Last night Aemond had gone soft ---she had felt his hardness against her thigh--- just as he was about to fuck her.

The only other woman known to suffer such a humiliating wedding night like that was Rhea Royce.

“Where is his highness?” she asks as she is dressed for the day.

“He went to make sure the preparations for your wedding trip are finished.” The handmaiden, a girl from the Reach assigned to her new household by the queen, answered as she tied the ribbon of her Dornish Farthingale.

They were to spend the honey moon at the lodge, end it with a hunt, a tourney and then go on a progress to show Westeros they are married, happy and that their families can coexist peacefully.

Mother and Queen Alicent had only a tourney before the progress, Helaena as well, but they were trying this new thing on Aemma.

A moon to see if they can love each other or learn how to tolerate each other in public.

While Aemma is usually an optimist, she has no hopes of the former happening.

“Will he break fast with me this morning?” Aemma asks hoping he will, but at the same time not wishing to see his stupid pretty face for a few more hours.

“He will not, your highness, he sends his apologies.”

And sure enough, she starts her first day as a married woman feeling utterly alone.

Aemond and Aemma had barely left the gates of the Red Keep when Rhaenyra is called to a meeting about them.

A note is given to her in secret by a page.

 Aemond did not consummate his marriage to your daughter due to the wine, my father seeks to blame your Aemma.

 -Alicent

It had been ages since Rhaenyra had been sent something from her former friend and had the words in the missive not caused her alarm, she would have kept it instead of tossing it into the fireplace for Aegon’s Stormcloud to burn.

They could not quash all chances for rebellion if Otto Hightower and his supporters had nothing forcing them to back down.

A baby with his blood would make his supporters desert him.

No one wants to be a kinslayer, nor serve one. They know what the Iron Throne does to kinslayers and usurpers.

What had caused Aemond not to perform his duties?

Aemma was lovely, many a servant and guard had been flogged for leering at her and many poets and artists had fought over the chance of immortalizing her in song and painting.

Aemma knew what she needed to know. More than she needed to know given Rhaenyra found her missing copy of a Caution for Young Girls: A Wanton’s Tale ---bookmarked on Coryanne’s adventures with her mummer’s troupe--- under her pillow.

Aemond was not into boys, she had seen him enough as a boy to know that, and Criston would have no doubt told him how the act is done given he had practically raised him.

“I believe you are overreacting, Ser Otto, they are young and have been married for less than two and ten hours.” Rhaenyra dismissed his plans for having the marriage annulled should the ‘issue’ continue.

No doubt the snake of Hightower already had brides lined up for his grandson, Tyshara Lannister and Cassandra Baratheon had been considered as such due to their status as their fathers’ heirs.

If the gods are good, Otto will be proven irrational and a little Targaryen prince will be occupying the empty nursery in Aemma’s new rooms at Court before the children’s first anniversary.

If the gods are great, Otto will fall on all those stairs at the Tower of the Hand and die along with all his schemes before the next turn of the moon.

[cuti-romeros]

An anon requested carraville + stress—I had the prompt swirling around in my head for a little while, then Man United lost 4-0 and this was born

Set somewhere during Gary’s playing days after a bad defeat, established carraville because poor Gary deserves some comfort 🥺

-

He is completely, utterly numb. Mind. Body. Everything. He walks into the changing room like a robot, ripping off shin pads and boots and his kit. It’s red just like everything here is red, red red red, etched in his heart and body and soul.

Red like his blood. They’ll be calling for it, he thinks absently. Gary Neville, the one who gave it away. The thought is startling enough that it drags him out of numbness for a moment.

Only a moment. The shower, normally a stinging pressure, barely registers. He turns the knob as hot as it’ll go and stands beneath the water, lets it steam and turn him red, red, red, running in little rivulets across his body. There’s a speck of dirt on his knee that persists, and he’s halfway to ripping it off his skin when the water finally washes it away.

Out of the shower. In his bag there are two shirts, one black and one red. He stuffs the red one back into a corner, can’t imagine ever wearing the color again, and slips into the black. Feels appropriate, somehow. Like mourning.

Someone calls his name. They sound annoyed, like maybe it’s the third or fourth time, but his ears are hardly working, everything muted and muffled like he’s hearing it through a very thick wall.

“Gary!”

Any other day, he’d stop, turn around, talk to them. Try to find some words of wisdom, or even just a pat on the back and a commiserating smile. He’s the captain, after all. Captains don’t get to break.

Today he has.

Speaking to him won’t reassure anyone right now, and there are no words, anyway, only shards of glass stuck in his throat. So he keeps walking, lets their voice fade behind the changing room door.

No one stops him on his way to the car, and through the numbness he’s glad. The thought of someone offering him comfort now—a pitying hug, a desperate it wasn’t your fault, a hopeful it’s okay we move on—twists his stomach into something sick.

His seatbelt clicks, and the tears come. It’s hard to stop them, once they start, and he just sits there in the parking lot, sobbing until his eyes are red, red, red in the rearview mirror.

When he’s gathered himself enough that the road isn’t a blurry mess before him, he drives.

The soaring stadium fades away into the gray, well-worn streets of Manchester, a home he normally feels as deep as his bones. Today it’s all but suffocating, dark and tight, the red banners hanging above every other doorway a stark reminder of how these streets dreamed. He killed those dreams, tonight.

It’s a vicious thought, one he loops over and over in his mind like pressing on a fresh wound.

Many of the banners will be down by tomorrow, maybe the ones with his name shredded and burned. His mum will cry when she sees it, when she hears the abuse he’s sure to face. That hurts more than anything.

He drives on autopilot, barely conscious of the road. By the time he pulls the key from the ignition to figure out where he’s ended up, over an hour has passed and he’s most definitely not at his house. It’s a different doorway that greets him, deep maroon instead of slate gray, surrounded by browning shrubs barely clinging onto life.

Despite himself, he cracks a threadbare smile. Jamie has always been shit at gardening.

He tries to be surprised that driving on instinct, barely one eye on the road, led him here. It’s hard to be. The thought of seeing anyone right now hurts, but so does the thought of sitting on his couch alone with a bottle in hand, and he’s knocking faintly on the door before he has time to change his mind.

The door swings open, and Jamie stands before him just seconds later. He’s in gray sweatpants and a white shirt, not a fleck of red anywhere in sight, and Gary is absurdly grateful. He opens his mouth, tries to come up with something, anything, to explain why he’s here or what he needs, but comes up empty. There’s nothing.

But this is Jamie, his rival, his mate—his soulmate, he thinks sometimes in the privacy of his own head, deep in the middle of the night when no one has to know. Jamie just opens the door wider and lets him in without a word.

They don’t speak for a long time. Gary takes a seat on the couch he knows better than his own, a lumpy green monstrosity Jamie’s had since they first met. It’s seen them through hard times before, and Gary lets the familiarity of it wash through him, wonders if the ratty thing has got any of that healing touch left.

Jamie brings him tea, sweetened with honey and sharpened with lemon. His hands curl around the yellow mug, very pointedly not one of Jamie’s innumerable liverbird-emblazoned red ones, and he hopes Jamie can hear his thank you without the words. Such a small thing, but he knows it’s an intentional gesture because this is Jamie, who knows him better than anyone and thinks about little details just like that.

The telly is on, Gary notices as he takes another sip. Cartoon reruns, muted and grainy, volume turned up just enough to provide a steady hum in the background. The significance of that, in the house of the man who watches more football than anyone he’s ever met, isn’t lost on him.

Jamie returns with a mug of his own—plain white, chipped at the handle from being knocked off a table years ago while their hands were being put to better use—and takes a seat next to him. He’s close enough that Gary can feel his presence, and the perpetual warmth Jamie radiates like a furnace is the only comfort he allows himself. It would be easy to collapse into those shoulders, lean on them in the way he’s missed being able to this season, but knows he’ll be gone if he does. Right to pieces, a bawling, sniveling mess the way he only lets himself be in front of Jamie, and he can’t afford to do that right now.

Minutes pass. The silence is mostly comfortable, punctuated here and there by sips of tea and the sounds of cartoon characters running into each other on screen.

His phone rings. The shrill of it pierces the quiet like an arrow, and he jumps nearly off the sofa, cursing.

“Fuck—” he fumbles with it, fingers clumsy, searching for the off button. He doesn’t bother looking at the caller ID. The only person he’d even consider speaking to right now is sitting in this room.

“Here.” Jamie plucks the phone out of his hand, powers it off, and smoothly sets it face down on the table. “Forget about that.”

While he knows Jamie means the phone call, the word tumbles out anyway. “Can’t.” A small, broken thing, half buried in a sob he swallows away.

Jamie watches him with no trace of pity—and that’s why he came here of all places, isn’t it? Jamie’s the only one who might understand, who might be able to keep him company tonight without tripping one of the seventy-nine fuses all tangled up inside him.

But for all the lack of pity, Jamie’s eyes are so so sad, and suddenly Gary can’t do it.

“I’m sorry.” He looks away. “I shouldn’t have—I should—”

What right does he have to sit here on Jamie’s couch, looking pitiful and crying himself a river? Jamie who hates United with every single part of his red, red, wrong shade of red heart, who should be out on the town with his mates celebrating their loss tonight, who has his own problems and his own responsibilities and his own club to deal with, who is the strongest and toughest person Gary has ever met, who has never lifted a Premier League and maybe never will but has still never once thrown his success back in his face. What right does he have, to come here and complain after one bad defeat, wallowing like a child?

He feels sick.

“I should go,” he says, standing up.

Jamie blinks, expression frozen like he’s been slapped. Then it relaxes into something—tender, almost, and Gary’s traitorous heart skips a beat.

“Gary, lad,” Jamie says quietly, and his voice is only a little gentle. Gary could drown in the familiar rumble, rough words woven with so much affection. “You already did the hard part, drove all this way. Just come here.”

It wasn’t really that far of a drive, given that both of them regularly travel several hours a day for away matches, but that doesn’t matter. Gary hears come here and he does, can’t not when it’s Jamie looking at him like that, firm and steady. Like a drowning man to an anchor, a dying man to a priest, he goes.

And then Jamie’s arms are around him and it’s nice, so nice, to just close his eyes and sink into them. Gary lets his weight sag, lets the burden come off his shoulders for just a moment, and it’s so unbearably liberating that he has to push away.

Because Jamie shouldn’t have to shoulder these burdens. Jamie might be with him but he’s still Scouse, Liverpool through and through, and the only thing he asked for back when they first decided to give this thing a try was to keep the football on the pitch. United won the League that year, and Liverpool barely scraped their way to the end of the season—the promise came easy then. It isn’t fair to go back on that now.

Except then Jamie says, “Shh, shh, it’s okay”, tightening his arms, and Gary doesn’t have it in him to fight this anymore.

He lets go of the reigns, and sobs.

[onemaebee]

So uh. my parents are moving 11 hours away (by car).

the entire family on my mom's side is in an uproar and scrambling. my aunt has revealed herself to be even more of an absolute jerk than suspected and has been VERY entitled. my grandma can't understand how they could possibly move far from their grandkids. my sibling is torn between sadness (just moved back to the country and thus near the parents) and relief (dad+some of my other siblings have been very clear that respecting their nb pronouns and new name is stupid, in their bigoted book). my grandpa, who has dementia and is in the middle of a prostate cancer scare, is just vibing.

we don't talk to the family on my dad's side. they happened to be the ones to give him an origin story, and that's about the best thing they've ever done or ever will do.

one of my younger sisters (the other local one with kids) hasn't talked to me about how she's feeling about it yet; but maybe i'll get the chance to chat tomorrow when i'm in town near her.

my husband is baffled, as it seems very rushed. (of course it's rushed; but that's my dad's modus oprandi and they are literally selling the house to pay off debts and debt collecters ain't exactly patient) depressed because my mom+good and respectful younger siblings were the only ones we trusted not to be overwhelmed with our kids so the 3-4 dates a year we request babysitting for are now evaporated entirely.

kids were upset until i phrased it as "hey! we couldn't do this the last time they moved because kid1 was a baby and kid2 was a NEW baby, but now we could do car trips! family vacation, which we've never taken! and 3/4 of your aunts+uncles are moving out and going to be living nearby still, so you'll still see Best Uncle!" and then they were SET.

i'm. okay?

focusing mostly on what new holiday traditions we can make. what i need to do to finish making the boys' halloween costumes (kid2 was BORN on halloween which makes it even more of a big deal here). what crafty things i can do for birthday (3 kids born in oct) and christmas gifts. planning out a Christmas Gift Box to be sent to my parents+lil sis AND one for another sister out in cali with my adorable wee nephews.

not my circus; not my monkeys. is it how i'd have done this? nah. do i have any right to think about it other than in terms of how to adjust future plans? nope. they're moving to an area they lived in briefly a decade ago and it was legit the happiest i'd ever seen them. why would i be entitled enough to tell them no, keep your debt looming over you like a crushing shadow, stay here where you are constantly stressed (because their small town really sucks) instead of going to the place where you can reliably find happiness???

i'm pretty sad about not seeing my mama at least once a week, but we facetime everydayish anyway so it's not like we're limited to the faceless phone. but my dad will cheer up which will in turn boost her mood and things will generally be better for them.

i do have therapy tomorrow and last month my homework assigned was to 'go on a date and have 1 night without the kids for the love of god mae you need to have some alone time with your husband as a couple holy shit,' and hahaha i failed :)

[misscammiedawn]

Hypno Asks Answered 1/5

Hi everyone.

I've been laid up recovering from a dental surgery and decided to type a bunch of words replying to an old Tumblr hypno ask meme which can be found here: https://at.tumblr.com/kallie-den/hypnosis-kink-asks/jzca6c5z6ke7 Post split into 5 for formatting reasons. I encourage asks, anon or otherwise. Feel free to probe if any answers intrigue.

With that said... let's go!

1. How long have you been into hypnosis?

Since I was a teenager at least. I used to fantasize about hypnotherapists taking me deep and asking me the truth to questions which were too emotionally complex for me to untangle myself. I used to stare out of windows and think of pendulums and grandfather clocks. I got into the hypnosis community when I was about 19 via Yahoo Groups and kinda followed the growth and pilgramage from platform to platform.

I guess I did kind of get the therapist honesty thing happen to me one time, but that's another story and you'll have to ask for it specifically.

2. Describe your first experience with hypnosis

I remember when I was young I couldn't really move my computer or stretch audio cables, so I needed to make a little cot for myself in the corner of the room. I was awful in my early days. Just listened to files without care for my safety. I just wanted an escape. I bought 45 minute files. I recall one framed like a bank heist with pink mist seeping into the vault of my brain to change things. Predated Inception, even. I was always scared neighbors would hear so I put the speakers on the ground and pulled headphones in and just slept away. I had tons of rituals in the early days, scented candles, boiling baths, anything to try and make it work better. I was AMAZING at visualizing back in those days. I would just get absorbed in the fantasy.

My first interactive partner was an RP buddy on Yahoo Groups who became my first Master. He kept me for about 5 years. I adored him. Did everything he wanted. Even to my own detriment. He was an awful human. I am ashamed I followed him.

My first IRL session was with the woman I married. There was the golden glow of an American sunset pouring through her window as the heaviness of a 12 hour journey across the planet to see her was catching up with me. Her parents were going to drop me off at the hotel to sleep. She thought she could keep me there with her if I fell asleep. She stroked my brow. Cooed for me to just relax. I sank into her lap. It was pure peace and serenity. She tells me she snuck in our first kiss while I was under.

3. Are there any TV shows/movies/books you liked when you were younger that you think got you into hypnosis?

There was like a Magic Block on TV when I was growing up. Masked Magician SECRETS UNVEALED, Sabrina the Teenage Witch and The Hypnotic World of Paul McKenna. I watched every week and was fascinated. I loved magic as a child. But it was all the mystic allure and not real. At least until one of my mum's friends was telling her about being on the McKenna show, a show where they hypnotize people in the audience and do skits. British Broadcast Standards do not allow the airing of any hypnosis so they always made it seem secret and taboo, hidden behind a blurry screen and mum's friend had THE SECRETS. So I listened (she had a Pepsi that night so couldn't go on stage) and was just fascinated. It was not just real magic, it was something that could work on anyone. That real person who was in my life had witnessed it and could have "gone under". I remember my obsession was born in the childish awe of that story.

4. Are you primarily a hypnotist or a subject?

My mood dictates. Some days I am the subbiest little kitten the world has ever seen, capable of flopping and eye rolling and swooning into deep hypnosis at the drop of a hat--- some days I am the most seductive creature alive and will tease and tantalize until my partner is a whimpering wreck pleading for my words.

I can be your angle or yuor devil.

5. Are you primarily a dom/me or a sub?

I am a collared sub and that does not change, no matter what mood I am in. @ladyruetha owns me. At present I do not own anyone and doubt that will change. But heavens when I make them mine, even for a brief moment, I'm sure they'd refer to me as a stunning domme.

6. What do you love about being hypnotised?

Oh so very much. The sweet tantalizing seductive allure, the way your senses are played with until you succumb to a wave of bliss, relaxation and sometimes euphoria. I love losing myself and finding a safety and disconnect from my own mind, I like finding a powerful connection in my trance partner, I love feeling cared for and controlled and kept. The way that the words stir things within my heart, change me, alter me, guide me. The way I can forget on command or rise on command or have my heart plucked and pulled. It's the extremes with none of the extreme. No danger. Just enticement. Pure and utter enticement.

7. What do you love about hypnotising people?

Yet more still… Ah, I can see each of my words or gestures being absorbed by them. I command their attention, control their perceptions, the push and pull is intoxicating. I love making a partner rigidly stiffen at my signal or collapse into a puddle at a whisper. I like my words causing trembling shudders and longing whimpers. I love feeling the dance and play between two people, building on a scene together and finding brilliant new inspirations and see just how they are received… especially when they decide how it could be improved. Hypnotizing people is so fun.

8. How do you feel when hypnotised?

It's a pleasant dissociation. When I dissociate because of environmental factors there's stress, there's a thin skinned feeling of every sense in my environment threatening my composure, there's a dangerous sense of being adrift and lost and what I would describe as a panic but with no emotion or urgency, to pull myself back and feeling incapable of doing so. It's like being knocked away from the spaceship of my mind and drifting out into the void with no tether, no aid and no way back. Somatically it feels like my brain is being pushed outside of my eyeballs, like my perception is a like charged magnet pressed against my eyeballs and pushing it outside of me. Hypnosis is--- surprisingly--- a lot like that. But it's calm and controlled. The external stressors fade away. There's a tether. There's a rope to my brain. There's a guide with me the entire way whether pre-recorded or live. It feels controlled, peaceful, serene. I ADORE that feeling. More than any feeling in the world.

9. How do you feel when you hypnotise someone else?

Electric. I simply cannot think of a better way to put it. My words are electric, my movements are electric, my energy is electric. I enter a flow state. A mini-trance of my own as I just allow my training and skill to take over and slide into the role of Miss Dawn like it was who I was the whole time and my life outside of these moments was just a playful act of pretend. I just feel in tune with the moment and let it propel me. I adore it.