#she's not insane or some kind of secret serial killer or shit

[laugtherhyena]

Compilation of Beni's normal looking sprites

[maxwell-grant]

I can probably guess, but how would those individuals getting the Death Note make things worse?

Well,

While she probably should have the book over Light, Emilia is far more ambitious and dangerous that he could be even without the notebook. She's sort of this embodiment of a child's imagination/rebellion in that she's this rebellious firecracker that can do basically anything and has very little respect for grown-ups and very little tolerance for injustice, but she's also egotistical and stubborn and has very little breaks and a very stunted sense of morality, among many other flaws. She's not really that bad, she's a trickster with a big heart trying to make the best of a fiercely opinionated brain and a lease in life she was never supposed to have, she grows for the better but, she did think about cutting off an angel's wings just to see what happened (she later saved the angel by beating Popeye with food poisoning). She held the world hostage with a shrinking spell to try and force the U.S President into ending war forever. Her first appearence had her win a fight by carving out a scorpion's eyeballs with a barbecue spit. Again, she's not evil, but she tends to rejects concepts like "nuance", "social filter" and "not getting to do what she wants right now". She absolutely would have a list planned for the occasion, and there would be a lot of politicians and big shot important folks in there. I'm starting to reconsider my stance on whether she should have the book or not.

The Golden Amazon actually is just straight up evil though. In the first book, she destroys most of England and attempts to rule the world by replacing humanity with synthetic beings, by the second she's leading a secret society of superwomen from the Amazon, and in the following books, while she became an "anti-hero" in the loosest sense possible, that's more so because she succeeds in taking over things and so now has to defend her matriarchy from aliens and saboteurs (I think the books might have retconned some details as they went along but she seems to be either defending Earth so she can rule it or already being it's ruler). She is the Dominatrix of the Solar System, the greatest scientist who ever lived, a cruel, ice cold murder expert superhuman who pretty much doesn't need the Death Note in any way, she really really doesn't need any kind of help in killing/torturing people. The real danger here is her learning about the existence of the shinigami and the shinigami world and deciding she doesn't like death gods in on her territory (existence itself) and deciding to do something about it.

The Black Bat, I mean, Tony Quinn is kind of a piece of shit. He's a scarred and miserable District Attorney turned vigilante serial killer who brands the corpses of the criminals he kills, and unlike The Spider he's not exactly dealing with apocalyptic extreme circumstances to make this behavior less insane, he's just fighting mobsters. Passing the Death Note from the son of a cop, into the hands of a disgraced District Attorney who already decided to go out at night to murder crime with guns and has associates at hand to help him do it is just, well it's not exactly a step up from the threat Light Yagami posed.

El Sombra, look, Djego tried, he truly did. He did a lot of good. If you gave him the Death Note, he'd use it exclusively to kill Nazis and he'd mean it, because that's all he ever did, if you handed him the book during the events of El Sombra and Gods of Manhattan he could have done a lot of good with it. It's just, Pax Omega happened, and what became of him is absolutely not someone who you want to hand something like the Death Note to. He failed, and he failed where it mattered most, and his reward for failure was becoming version 2.0 of everything he hated most and nearly dooming the entire planet. Even if he could have used it to kill Hitler and every member of Untergang, there was no happy ending to the tale of El Sombra. He just failed too profoundly for that to be possible.

The Whisperer, see The Black Bat's deal but times ten, or really just read that editor note above introducing him. The Whisperer is "Wildcat" James Gordon, a handsome young dandy Police Commissioner who, once elected, turned out to be a total maniac asshole (famously burned down an illegal casino as Commissioner, didn't even put on a disguise to do it) and who fights crime by transforming himself into an unrecognizably older persona so he can murder people with impunity. I feel like I don't have to elaborate much here, what's wrong with this guy is fairly brutally self-evident.

The Blue Morpho, because, well how long you've got? Even if you've never watched The Venture Bros and don't know all the horrible things he's done personally, I feel like "cartoon supervillain moonlighting as a dark violent pulp hero in order to kill all the other supervillains in town standing in his way" is fairly self-explanatory. Mr Fitzcarraldo here offed his world's Legion of Doom in one blow pretty much by accident. He's not really out to kill for killing's sake, he just wants to get one guy really badly, but he doesn't really care who he has to get rid of to do that, or even just killing people to solve minor dumb inconveniences like avoiding paying taxi fare or being annoyed by a henchman. He might have the biggest on-screen body count in a show that has Brock Samson in it and only became deadlier as The Blue Morpho, that's no small feat.

Hugo Danner, because there is not a single aspect of Hugo Danner's life that didn't suck and that he didn't find a way to make worse. Hugo Danner was every bad/evil/stupid take on Superman published years before the genuine article. Hugo Danner is the Garth Ennis Superman pisstake that Garth Ennis loved the character too much to actually do. Hugo Danner enlisted in WW1 and only realized he could have ended it single-handedly after he'd already slaughtered thousands and thousands of poor infantrymen with his bare hands and the war ended, and promptly hated himself for being such a colossal idiot. He could not conceive of solutions that didn't envolve "squeezing continents into submission" and punishing all the people too stupid and scared to love him the way he thought he deserved. He hated himself too much to even kickstart plans to create a master race. He got himself killed by cursing the skies and being struck by a lightning bolt on the final page. There's not a lot that the Death Note could have done to save his life from being a shit show, but all he ever did was perpetrate that shit show on others so, yeah, good riddance Danner you stupid bastard.

[eristic-kaleidoscope]

Beeware of Mysteries || Eureka 01 || Trial 2-1 || Re: Eri, AIRika

Walking into the trial room with a perplexed expression, Eureka's little springy bee antenna wobbled above her. At some point during the investigation she had found a headband with cute bee antenna on it and decided to put it on for the rest of this. There was a reason for this but even Eureka was smart enough not to mention she did it because of An when everyone was angry over the loss of a person they all enjoyed the company of. Not that she was thinking about that issue at the moment. She was more considering, who did this murder, and was it the serial killer.

While everyone went over some basic information and their alibis, Eureka listened with her hand on her chin, thinking. Who did it? What evidence did they have towards the express killer? She could try to rush this along but there was a secondary advantage to this. The secrets hung over all of their heads so it was in her best interest to hope for this trial to eventually reveal who the serial killer was. That and quickly trying to end the trial would make people angry.

"Well as many probably know I spent a lot of time last knight drinking and playing loud music for fun. Which is why I woke up with an insane hangover due to not doing enough to prevent it. I am going to be honest I am not sure when i woke up because I was fucked. Light hurt and all that. I do remember i got dressed and headed for the kitchen to make myself some hangover therapy sandwiches.

When I got there Erik was making curry and some other shit. Curry really is not friendly to a hangover if it is properly spiced so I stayed way away from whatever the hell he was doing and made myself some nice fried egg sandwiches. You know with all the good shit like bacon and stuff. I also made a vegan one.

After making those I messaged An and we went to hang out in my room while I nursed the head splitting suffering. She was messing around with her electronic pad while we sat there and said some weird stuff was going on which I guess involved the murder. Also thinking about it now I don't think she is actually allowed to say i am telling the truth about anything because that would be unfair to have kidnapper backup on my alibi. But either way i didn't see much of anything."

She shrugs. That was the way it was. The others who had much more active mornings could testify in a more meaningful way. She would have to accept just being able to help the trial with her own intelligence. Something she had ample amounts to share.

"AIRika is also correct about the issue with the locked cabinet. At least, partially. The tape was not the only part. I know this because we found residue from the tape on the nearby rubber chicken. So somehow the rubber chicken was involved. I am not really sure how. I would have just cut the electrical circuits but that is because whatever scanner the lock is using is kind of weird. Not that I have tried to study it. I assume the sisters would be displeased if I was trying to bypass their locks."

She certainly could. It would not be hard for an electrical engineer of her caliber. The issue was that once she had done it they would make a rule about it and then she wouldn't be able to do it when she really needed to.

[mermaidsirennikita]

did you go see top gun maverick is that what your mustache love is about plz discuss

I could answer this privately so that only you know my shame, but alas, I am going to go ahead and share with the entire class, as I can tell that this is what you want me to do, or you would have DM'd me on one of multiple channels in which you can do so, Olivia.

Let me tell you about my Top Gun history.

My mother would've been like... 16 to the dot when Top Gun was originally released. She saw it minimum 5 times in theaters, but "it could have been up to 10, I wouldn't know" in her own words. As she is a Cool Mom TM, I therefore saw Top Gun... throughout my lifetime. I think Top Gun is the movie that made me realize that people really enjoyed putting tongues in each other's mouths.

Of course I was going to to see Top Gun: Maverick. Even if I think Tom Cruise probably has ordered some seriously fucked shit due to him being like, the second most powerful Scientologist in the world; even if I was Team Katie in Divorce: Impossible; even if I roll my eyes whenever he's like, "A TOM CRUISE MOVIE IS ONLY TO BE SEEN IN THEATERS".... I was going to see Top Gun. One of my best friends, who commandeered my presence over the past two days, is also insanely into Top Gun, so it was like. Me in the middle seat, my mom (who proclaimed prior to Top Gun: Maverick beginning, "I think this will suck but I'm here for fun") on one side, and my friend on the other.

I should also add that. I don't think I necessarily viewed the men in Top Gun the way many people did. I've never really been attracted to Tom Cruise. Not because he's a Short King, but because he gives like, very hyper energy, and I am not... about that life. There is one movie, and one movie only, where I am attracted to Tom Cruise. It is Jerry Maguire (his best performance, fight me) and it is specifically the scene where Renee Zellweger tells her sister that her boss, Jerry Maguire, is coming over to their house unexpectedly, and her sister knows there's definitely some kind of sexual harassment situation going on here (which also leads to the immortal exchange of him apologizing for kissing her and her going "I might not sue", in what is a GOLDEN line reading) so the sister says, "he better not be good looking" and cut to her opening the door to INCREDIBLY SLEAZY SPORTS AGENT!Tom Cruise with his sunglasses on, clearly wasted, going "HI. I'M JERRY MAGUIRE."

That is the one time I have ever been attracted to Thomas Cruise Mapother IV.

Rather, I was attracted to the blindingly blond, gum-chomping, homoerotic serial killer presence of Val Kilmer, aka "Iceman" (who does in fact appear in Top Gun: Maverick, and it is very emotional). But secretly... In a manner I was not confident to admit to until I reached full adulthood... I was also super attracted to Goose. As in, The Mustache, "talk to me, Goose", the ONE GUY who FOR SOME REASON is not shirtless in the Immortal Beach Volleyball scene, who is married to Meg Ryan and has an adorable child named BRADLEY BRADSHAW because I guess Goose and Carole are sociopaths, who performs a truly rollicking rendition of Great Balls of Fire.

It's not so much the appearance of Goose, but like... The average guy virility vibe? Like the vibe that he doesn't care about being pretty like Maverick and Iceman, he is not here to pick up girls, he's a happily married father, he's got a bit of an adrenaline issue as any elite pilot would, but overall he's just a deeply good man, with the level of Good Guy Masculinity that signals to me "surprisingly great in bed".

So of course, I must see Top Gun: Maverick because Maverick (who has somehow never progressed beyond the rank of captain for THIRTY YEARS, "by choice") is training this elite group of Top Gun graduates for A Super Secret Mission, and Jon Hamm (CALLSIGN: "Cyclone") is like "fuck you, Maverick, I know the law" but he also has to give Maverick this job because Iceman runs the Navy now or something. I appreciated the nepotism. And anyway, one of these Top Gun pilots is JUST ONE Bradley Bradshaw (CALLSIGN: "Rooster"), son of Goose, who did in fact die in the original in what is a legitimately super sad scene, and of course Maverick is all twisted up about it because that's his best friend's (who he did lowkey kill by accident, I know the Navy cleared him of wrongdoing but I never did) only kid.

I also need to interject in this moment to add that I am not attracted to Miles Teller. I'm not. I don't think he's a bad actor--I think he was good in The Spectacular Now, but I haven't seen many other movies with him in them besides the Divergent movies and Whiplash, all of which I did not like but cannot blame on him. I know very little about him as a person, and I don't wish to know more. He is not my type.

But I will fucking admit. He did sweep into that bar in a Goose Outfit (mustache, aviators, open Hawaiian shirt over a white wife beater) in what is clearly the best shape of his life, and I did sink in my movie theater chair thinking "God, this is going to be embarrassing to me". Because while my mother and my friend had no preconceived notions about him and were therefore not ashamed about being attracted to him. I have a brand to uphold. And sadly, I knew immediately that I was going to let myself down and thirst over Mustache Miles Teller for this entire fucking movie.

I will not be googling him. I will not be watching a single interview. I will just let this incredibly deep and abiding desire to fuck him live in that movie, and that movie only.

But also, he's legitimately really good in it; I will not lie. Rooster is all Mustache and Kicked Puppy Energy, and he has great chemistry with Tom Cruise in a father/son way, and Tom didn't even wear shoe lifts, he stands there looking a full foot shorter than Miles Teller and by God, if that didn't make me MORE ATTRACTED TO ROOSTER??? He does emotional pushups. He does plane stuff. As you know, I have a No Military rule, but like... fighter pilot shit.... is cool.

Are there hotter men in that movie? Yes, for sure. I would've liked to See More of Them, specifically Reuben Fitch (CALLSIGN: "Payback"), Mickey Garcia (CALLSIGN: "Fanboy" ... I have questions), and Javy Machado (CALLSIGN: "Coyote"). I hate to say this, but I was also very attracted to Glen Powell, a man who I would also never be attracted to in the wild, purely because he did in fact embody the Messy Bitch Who Lives for Drama rival of Rooster, Jake Seresin (CALLSIGN: "Hangman"). Mostly because he basically exists to have unresolved sexual tension with Rooster (and also the only lead girl pilot, Natasha Trace, CALLSIGN: "Phoenix", who also has a Vibe with Rooster, and I get that they want us to take women in the military seriously but I could've done with a celebratory threesome scene, whatever) and to be like, vaguely sexist to Phoenix and mean to the pilot with GLASSES??? DO WE LET PEOPLE WITH GLASSES FLY FIGHTER PLANES NOW??? I do love a problematic bitch.

Anyway, what I'm saying is, yes the general TOP GUN-ness of this made me want to fuck everyone (besides Tom Cruise), but you know what?? Let me live. Let me have this!!! Everything fucking sucks, and I should be able to have two hours of testosterone and people stealing planes (this happens multiple times in the movie) and soulfully saying "Talk to me, Goose" because Goose is God. Let me bask in the glory of a truly fabulous slo mo beach football scene, in which they thankfully kept the shirtless Tom Cruise to a minimum. (Rooster at one point does that BRO THING BULLSHIT jump into the air chest bump thing with Coyote, and I audibly groaned in shame at how much it delighted me.)

Is this a perfect movie? Nah. There are more interesting white guys they could've cast, if those roles had to be white guy adjacent; they could've just... had more diversity in the True Leads in general. Why is there only one main girl pilot? I would've cast someone other than Jennifer Connelly in the Replacement Love Interest role for Maverick, though I did appreciate that she was age appropriate.

But in terms of capturing the kind of non-superhero, fun as fuck action movie with like, Manly Tears Emotionality at its core, which is what the original Top Gun was... yes. This did that. I am sorry Katie and Nicole; I am on your sides in the divorce(s) but your cult leader ex husband did a good movie here. It was easily some of the most fun I've had with a movie in a whiiiiile.

And yes, I was devastated by the bit where Rooster unplugs the jukebox, sits at the piano, and does a rendition of Great Balls of Fire, because I am not made of stone.

Basically: yes, I do want to fuck Mustache Miles Teller, SPECIFICALLY AS ROOSTER, NOWHERE ELSE, I'd probably have sex with any of the young pilots in the movie, with the exception of the guy with glasses because I don't believe he can possibly actually be a pilot, they had him a plane but I did not buy that for a second, and I would argue that this movie is somehow... Similar to Magic Mike: XXL in vibe, while also being deeply different? More movies like this, basically.

[buttybarnes1917]

An Unexpected Party

AN: WOW! There was such an insane response to the first chapter of this fic! Thank you all so much!

If you’d like to be added to the tag list, please make sure to reblog, and have your age in your bio! Thanks!

Chapter 2

“Okay so, how do I look,” You sighed touching up the lipstick you just applied and turning, smoothing your sweater down.

“Very cozy,” Wanda said giggling a little bit.

“Too cozy?” you asked immediately, turning back to the mirror.

“Jesus Christ, Y/N, you’re meeting the guy for coffee,” Yelena groaned from the bed and peeked at you over her phone. “It’s just my cousin.”

“Yeah. Just your ridiculously attractive cousin, nothing to worry about at all,” You sighed back, and Wanda hugged you, smiling softly.  

“You look beautiful, and James seems very…kind.” She said and Yelena glared at her a little.

“He’s the nicest kid in the world.  He’s just…grumpy and going through some stuff.”

“What stuff?” You ask sighing. “Should I be worried?”

“Not really my business,” Yelena said, but pushed herself up, and you could tell by her tone she was about to fill you in.  You and Wanda sat at the end of the bed, waiting. “You obviously don’t know this,” Yelena said softly.  “So James had this partner…They like… were really good together.  It was serious. I know that, because…” she took a deep breath.  “No one else in my family knows but…James was looking at rings.”

“Holy shit.” You said softly.  “What happened?”

“Well there was this like big party James had planned where we were all going to finally meet this person, right, like finally after three years of James being super secretive and using gender fluid pronouns, we were finally gonna meet them.  You guys know how… intense my family can be, and James wanted to make sure that whoever he was interested in was going to stick around. He didn’t wanna keep introducing people to his family, ya know?”  Yelena braided her hair down as she talked.  “The plan was he was going to propose, then have them meet the family and announce them as his fiancé right?”

“Makes sense,” Wanda said.

“Right, except when the time came, no one showed up.  Then James showed up an hour later, stoned out of his mind, drunk off his ass, and sobbing about how he had just found out that he had been cheated on.  My family basically all thought he had been lying for the past three years, and James took that really hard.”  Yelena sighed softly.  “He just hasn’t been the same since.  He stopped drawing and painting, he used to play the piano and just… hasn’t in so long. He wanted to go to school to be a mechanic and open his own shop.  When the breakup happened he just… dropped out of school, became a loner, moved into his parents’ basement again.  He just smokes and games now.  That’s it.”

“That’s so sad,” you said softly, playing with the edge of your sweater.

“Yeah.” Yelena said softly. “No matter what he’s done, he’ll always be family.  I understand heartbreak like that.”

“You have to go,” Wanda said, glancing at her watch. “I’ll drive you, Yelena and I will wait in the car.”

“Why?” Yelena asked. “He’s my cousin, not a serial killer.  She’ll be fine.”

“It’s just down the street, Wanda,” you agreed with Yelena.  “It’ll be okay.  Promise. I’ll be back in a bit.”

“Well… okay.” Wanda said softly.  “Text when you’re leaving.”

“I will,” you said as you grabbed your bag.  “Yelena, don’t eat chips in my bed while I’m gone.”

“Yeah yeah yeah,” Yelena waved her hand at you, distracted on her phone.

****

You stepped into the small coffee shop, sighing a little.  This place was your favorite place to stop on your way to work; it was so nice and quiet, the baristas left you alone, and they played quiet indie rock. There were free chairs nearly everywhere against the wall, and outlets for computers.  Your favorite spot was a cozy couch surrounded by plants in the corner near a speaker that played rain sounds.  You walked over to the counter, and the girl at the cash register slid your coffee over to you, smiling softly.  “Figured you’d be in about now,” she giggled.  “It’s a Saturday.”

“Oh thanks,” you said and handed her a bill.  She made the change and you dropped it into the tip jar.  

“Thanks,” she smiled at you and you nodded, turning as the bell at the front door rang.  Your heart nearly stopped as you recognized him from his picture.

James Bucky Barnes.

In the flesh.  

Well, half flesh.  You noticed his left arm was completely made of black metal, with gold flecks lining specific lines.  You didn’t know he had a prosthetic arm and immediately turned your attention away from it, trying not to stare.  You made a mental note to ask Yelena about it later.  

“Oh wow,” the barista whispered, staring at him as well as he walked over and smiled down at you.  

“Y/N?” He asked, tilting his head.

“…oh yeah, yeah, that’s me,” You yelped blushing a little.  He grinned and opened his arms, drawing you into a quick hug.  The scent of pine and lavender filled your nose, and you closed your eyes a minute, almost immediately comfortable.  He pulled away and smiled at you kindly.  

“You’re more beautiful than your picture,” he chuckled softly.  

“So are you,” you said without thinking, and he grinned. A soft pink blush gently brushed his cheeks and you giggled just a little.  

“Thanks,” he almost mumbled and ordered his coffee.   He looked at you.  “Did you order?” he asked.

“Oh yeah, um yeah I did. I’ll get a seat for us,” you mumbled a little and turned hurrying off.    You tossed your stuff down at a table and waited nervously.  A few minutes later, James walked over with a small mug of espresso and set it on the table.

“Sorry for being a bit late, I took my bike and traffic was awful,” he said.

“Oh no you’re fine.”  You say.  “I was running a bit behind too.”

“Ah okay.”

There was a slightly uncomfortable silence.

“Yelena’s told me so much about you,” You blurted out, mentally kicking yourself.

“Oh god I hope not,” James laughed shaking his head a little.  “She knows too much.”  You laughed a little, relaxing at the sound of his voice.  “So she mentioned you might need a date to a wedding?”

“Well… in short yes. Long story, I need someone to pretend to be my boyfriend.”  You said and he nodded a little.  

“Okay.  What do you need?”

“That’s it?” you asked, confused.  “You’re okay with it?”

“Sure.” He shrugged. “Not really doing anything else.” He smiled at you a little.  “I have a lot of free time nowadays.”

“Right.” You said clearing your throat a bit.  “Well… I was supposed to go to my stepbrothers wedding with my ex, but… well he’s my ex. And he’s in the wedding so… I can’t go alone.  He’s bringing this girl and she’s….” You pinched the bridge of your nose.  “She’s a model.  So Yelena suggested you.”

“Right.” He nodded. “Bad breakup?”

“Well it wasn’t good, but it wasn’t the worst,” you said softly.  “He blamed a lot of things on his ex… I guess his previous relationship ended really badly, like blowout bad.  He said he got cheated on.” Bucky chuckled a little humorlessly and sipped his espresso.  

“Yeah.  I’ve been there.  Poor guy.”

“Yeah.”  You sighed a little and stared at your coffee.  “He’s a good person just… he gets into this headspace where he gets… it’s hard to describe.  He gets very holier than thou.  And it’s hard to put up with all the time.  I made space for it when we first started dating, you know. He went to therapy and all, but it never really… got better.  And then the fights started.”  You sip your coffee, trying to form your next thought.  “I think his therapist got in his head that he needed to… I don’t know… figure himself out and be single for a while.  Steve took that to mean breaking up with me.”

“I’m sorry,” Bucky said softly. “I can’t imagine how it felt.”

“Not as terrible as him replacing me within weeks of my step-brother’s wedding, which he’s in.” You laughed a little and ran a hand through your hair.

“Well, consider yourself no longer single,” he chuckled softly.  

“This might sound weird, but can I take a picture of you for my Instagram?”  you asked and he nodded.  

“Absolutely,” he grinned. “You gotta set everything up.”

“Mmmhmm.  My stepbrother is very curious,” you laughed as you took out your phone.  James posed dramatically and you giggled softly.  “Thank you again, James.”

“Just Bucky is fine,” he smiled a little sadly for a moment.  “I don’t like James as much.”

“Bucky,” you said softly, trying it out.  “Sounds good to me.”

Bucky looked at his phone as you tagged him and chuckled softly.  “Very good,” he smiled softly and you giggled.

“Okay, I have to head home… wanna come over tomorrow, and we can talk rules?”  

“Wow what an incredible date that sounds like,” he teased and you laughed.  “Sounds good.  Yelena gave you my number, I assume.  Let me know when you’re free.”

“Sounds good.”

Bucky stood up and offered you his hand grinning.  “Looking forward to working with you.”

“You as well,” you giggled and shook his hand.   

Taglist: 

[severusdefender]

Listen Lilly and jkr might be built different because on God you will never catch me with that ' marrying the dude who your ex best friend hates because he got bullied by him'.

I don't care if I'm legally allowed, to me it's the greatest sense of betrayal. For what Some dick????? She really did that for dick she found at Scotland. Miss gurl have you heard of our lord and savoiur Mr world wide? Pitbull????

So you know how I told you that I though snily friendship was a tree that began to rot there's no way it would have lasted and I did a comparison to my own friendship.

So I was my best friends side kick ish while they were like the troubled popular person,,, I was just there. I didnt cause any trouble but I wasn't like this major straight arrow,,, what I'm trying to say is no one bothered me and I didn't bother them, despite knowing a lot of information about them.

And I knew the person who caused them trouble and I knew their gang. Only if I was THAT insane of a person I would have thought about dating not only the ones that caused them heart ache but the ones who I knew my friend had a crush on.( But like even at like the lower levels ya know. Like I would have dated that one person that caused you drama at 5th grade and you sorta don't like them not the person who actively bullied you by making multiple spam accounts on Twitter and literally cause you to see a therapist . Make it make sense love)

There is a level of maturity that you need to go through, especially to those who you no longer reconnect with and I think it's the idea that you can trust them to not actively try to ruin your life. Like you may not have the biggest trust on them when it comes to emotional and mental scarring. But physical harm. You know that they won't hurt you. Physically.

And in her case the root of the breakup happens to be due to a word said during an altercation. She has every right to be mad and not forgive him. But when you choose to date the person that was not only responsible for the altercation but also for previous attempts???

No I'm sorry. My friend didn't didn't pull that shit thank God because I would have absolutely decked them on site. We handled it privately everyone knew but it was a 'stay in your own lane' kind of a thing.

Also personally knowing that Lilly was a well liked charecter and still didn't have a prior relationship history and only dated Potter who had a crush on her from the getgo doesn't sound cute it sounds lowkey vindictive.

And it makes no sense for her charecters that's written as a no flawed mature person to even do that. Like I understand if they both did that after highschool or if she saw someone else.

I know she's allowed to make mistakes and self reflect but how to do that when you literally married the cause of problems to someone else. And it gives me v much wife of a secret serial killer and with the whole ' I didn't know he was capable of that.' (also the main reasons why snily friendship repairment is impossible or at least heavily confrontational and angsty that requires years but never really goes back to the old times)

And if anyone is out there I wanna let you know that doing that strategy of being with the person that your ex BFF and you hated doesn't make you a bad bitch or whatever it makes you look like a bad friend. Get therapy and solve your abandonment issues.

🤺♠️🤺

the fact that he threatened her should have sent her running for the hills.

[tibby]

If you have the time can you please please please recap season 4 of riverdale. I was going to binge it on Netflix but things happen and then I saw your post about the graduation episode and HAD to watch that happen and now I’m recommitted to the cause and need to know what happened while I was gone

sure. okay so the season sadly starts with the death of fred andrews in a very sentimental and moving episode that’s kind of seperate from the rest of the show so it’s not really until episode two that things kick off. the riverteens are kind of thriving in a parentless world because milf alice was kidnapped by a cult, dilf hiram and milf hermione are in prison, milf penelope is in hiding after killing a bunch of people, milf mary is kind of just There, milf gladys went back to toledo after her drug empire failed, god knows what milf sierra and gay kevin’s straight former cop dad are off doing, and dilf fp is the sheriff but because it’s fp he’s kind of bad at it. so the riverteens are horrified when their new principal mr honey expects them to be at school on time and disapproves of them throwing school dances because students keep getting murdered at them. cheryl, who an episode prior never wanted anyone in riverdale to celebrate the 4th of july ever again because of her brother’s death, considers this an act of oppression and throws a party at her house. however, as she is keeping her brother’s mummified corpse in the basement, she gets angry when reggie tries to sneak down there. meanwhile gay kevin is trying to make amends with betty for the time he tried to have her lobotomised because of the cult led by chad michael murray. betty uses this to her advantage to find out where the cult is, teaming up with her half brother, charles (not to be confused with chic, who was only PRETENDING to be charles back in season two). archie gets munroe, his prison buddy, to attend riverdale high, and reggie is weirdly jealous about it. archie discovers that this is because reggie is being abused by his father, so they smash in his car and apparently this solves everything. jughead starts attending stonewall prep, where he meets bret weston wallis, donna sweett, joan berkeley, and jonathan. he also reunites with moose, who disappeared in mid s3 after cheryl outed him to the whole school including his homophobic dad, and then his homophobic dad dressed up as the gargoyle to try and stop moose and gay kevin hooking up in the sex bunker they stole from dilton doiley after he killed himself, but it turns out that his homophobic dad was just angry HE never got to fuck gay kevin’s straight cop dad back in the day. it was this whole thing. anyway, moose is like “i’m going by my real name, marmaduke now, so people don’t find out about my dad” but everyone does anyway and so moose mysteriously disappears again. betty finds out where the cult is (after disarming a bomb attached to her sister polly using a bobby pin) and goes to rescue her mother. milf alice reveals that chad michael murray is using the cult money to build a rocket, and his wife/fake daughter evelyn is going to drive a bus full of cultists off a cliff. the day is saved! veronica finds out that her father’s real surname is luna and decides to start going by that as an act of rebellion because he keeps leaving the prison that he owns to fuck with her after she had him arrested. archie decides to turn his gym into a community centre with munroe’s help. cheryl, who, for unknown reasons, obtained custody of polly’s twins, immediately fires the nanny that toni hired because he said there were probably rats in the walls and went into the basement. cheryl goes to make sure that the nanny didn’t interfere with her brother’s mummified corpse, and toni walks in on her stitching him up. videotapes start arriving at the homes of the riverdale residents of said homes being filmed for hours. onto halloween! toni tells cheryl they can’t have a dead body in the horse and makes her rebury jason, at which point cheryl claims she is being haunted by a doll named julian, who is supposedly possessed by the spirit of her other brother that she ate in utero, but the haunting will stop if they unbury jason. toni agrees, but the doll continues to appear in weird places, and cheryl is forced to confess that while she WAS gaslighting her before, she isn’t right now. betty bonds with charles while receiving prank phone calls from polly, who is now in a mental institution. archie and munroe try to throw a halloween party at their community centre for the troubled youths but it’s interrupted by a drug dealing gang trying to start shit in the parking lot, thus giving archie a new enemy. reggie destroys mr honey’s office for the joke but mr honey catches him and is like “you do this because your dad hits you.” jughead uncovers mysteries surrounding strange disappearances of prep students known as “the stonewall four,” and donna drugs him so she and bretjoanjonathan can lock him in a coffin overnight as a bit. meanwhile, veronica burns a man alive in her basement. archie becomes a teen vigilante for the millionth time in the series, jughead and the other stonewall stags go into the running to be the ghostwriter for the baxter brothers franchise, veronica gets her mother out of prison but then finds out that her half sister, hermosa the PI, got their father out of prison, and he is now mayor again. betty and gay kevin start an fbi training course in which betty realises the serial killer gene is a real thing and she does have it, and remembers when she killed her childhood cat. jughead finds out that his grandfather who drunk himself to death but also abandoned fp but is also just some guy ACTUALLY wrote the baxter brothers franchise and is like “i have to reveal this!” so he takes it to his english teacher mr chipping but then mr chipping jumps out of a window before anything can come of it, and jughead is horrified when the stonewall stags have no reaction. cheryl is still convinced she is being haunted by a doll and things are further complicated when her extended family shows up. her uncle discovers jason’s body in the basement, threatens to send cheryl away, and is killed by toni. speaking of death, archie is still on his vigilante shit and asks hiram for help, at which point the near dead body of the gang leader, dodger shows up wrapped in carpet outside of the community centre. betty visits chic in prison to find out more about charles, and when chic threatens to reveal where milf alice buried the man she killed back in season two, charles and fp go to dig it up again and move it somewhere else. to get her family away from her and also in the spirit of thanksgiving, cheryl makes them think that they ate her uncle. dodger’s family show up at the community centre thanksgiving for revenge and there’s almost a shoot out, but thankfully the deep fryer explodes and chaos is avoided! milf mary later suggests the deep fryer exploding was archie’s dead dad’s ghost. betty and jughead spend the weekend at stonewall prep, where they play a homoerotic game of never have i ever with bret and donna. donna says that she and mr chipping were having an affair. now it’s time for the gang to go to therapy: archie gets diagnosed with gay but is also just suffering from an insane guilt complex, betty has mommy issues, veronica has daddy issues, cheryl is being gaslit but did NOT eat her brother in utero, jughead is just some guy. jughead finds out where his abusive alcoholic grandfather has been hiding out, and meanwhile his dad gets shot. veronica decides to fight back against her father by starting a rival rum business. polly rips off a nurse’s face and betty finds out that everyone in her family has a trigger word instilled in them by the cult, so she imagines herself going back in time to STOP her child self killing her cat to learn how to control it. cheryl uncovers her gaslighter by literally gassing her house, and it’s revealed that milf penelope was living in the walls and mad that cheryl had jason’s body. cheryl reburies jason and imprisons her mother in the sex bunker. archie’s uncle shows up, just in time for football season! the riverteens are playing stonewall prep, and reggie reveals that the preppies fight dirty, just in time for them to tonya harding munroe’s knees as he is their star player. archie’s uncle gives munroe steroids so he can play anyway, and riverdale loses but munroe gets a scholarship. cheryl feuds with her new cheerleading coach and locks her in her office so she has a panic attack. hiram threatens to sue veronica for stealing his rum recipe, so she teams up with cheryl (maple syrup queen) to create a new type. jughead joins the stonewall prep secret society, the quill and skull, and reveals that he watched a homeless man die. also, the cheerleading team performs cherry bomb. betty starts feuding with bret and decides to stand off against him in a quiz show, and although she wins, she is accused of cheating and is forced to give it up. she also wanted to use this to try and get into yale because apparently “cooper” is an uncommon name and people associate it with her serial killer father. veronica and cheryl enlist milf penelope and her former brothel in a hotel to run their underground rum dealership after hiram kept fucking shit up at veronica’s speakeasy. jughead is forced to come up with new stories for his baxter brother books, and so he writes about betty’s serial killer father (uh oh!) archie tries to restart his father’s construction company but his uncle’s shenanigans make it hard and gay kevin’s straight former cop dad has HAD IT. fangs is back from cult recovery, but gay kevin has gotten into non sexual tickle porn. toni and fangs get in on this they use this to blackmail nick st clair after he returns and understandably upsets cheryl, his would be rape victim. archie is attacked in the bathrooms at school because his uncle can’t mind his own business, but this plot was fucking boring so i don’t remember most of it. jughead and bret decided to duel, because of course, and betty uses this as a chance to investigate the preppies further. she finds out that bret films sex tapes and blackmailed moose with one, and also has one of her and jughead. she also finds a video suggesting donna lied about her affair with mr chipping. veronica goes to new york to visit katy keene, played by lucy hale of fantasy island fame, who tells her that her mother is dying. veronica returns home just in time to hear that hiram has a mysterious disease and decides to make amends. jughead is accused of plagiarism, meanwhile veronica realises her father thrives off war, and continues their rum battle. archie is now drinking at school and veronica accuses mr honey of being a fascist for having a problem with it. BUT. MOST IMPORTANTLY. ALL SEASON WE HAVE BEEN TEASED WITH DEADHEAD. AND IT IS FINALLY HAPPENING. IDES OF MARCH PARTY AT STONEWALL PREP. AND BETTY BASHES JUGHEAD’S HEAD IN WITH A ROCK. betty tries to prove that the stonewall stags did it instead but donna is an insane lesbian and thrives off gaslighting and fucking with her. because jughead died, betty gets his spot at yale. the core four are accused of murder but cleared of everything. jughead has a funeral, and bret’s attempt of proving jughead isn’t in the casket are thwarted by the sweet pea, the sweetest pea in the room. hiram shows up just to fire fp as sheriff. betty kisses archie to help with her grief, and veronica ends things with them both. but donna is not convinced, and goes around stalking betty, saying she watched her sex tape and knows that betty couldn’t last so long without sex with jughead. and she is right! because lo and behold, jughead is alive and hiding in the sex bunker, despite donna’s best attempts to catch them out. donna knows they’re up to something and implies she killed jonathan when bret doubts her. betty and archie are like “yeah we only dated for the bit :/” but their texting implies it was...more. betty and jughead return to stonewall and expose the preppies, but they decide not to interview jonathan because he “has food poisoning.” or he’s dead. their other teacher kills himself, and fp reunites with his abusive father. betty discovers that donna’s grandmother was one of the people killed for the rights to the baxter brothers/tracy true franchise, and the entire scheme was a complicated revenge plot by donna to get back at their teacher for killing her grandmother. betty blackmails her with this information so donna can’t have the tracy true contract, and everything is “wrapped up” just in time for gay kevin to announce he’s doing a variety show. gay kevin’s intentions of performing hedwig are destroyed when mr honey is like “no, this is inappropriate for high schoolers,” and so the riverteens decide to band together and have everyone perform hedwig songs as an act of protest. meanwhile, betty and jughead fight because jughead didn’t do his homework because he was too busy watching the stalker vhs tapes, and veronica and archie fight because he lied about her father working out at his gym, given that hiram has tried to kill him multiple times and doesn’t really care about his health. betty and archie use this as an opportunity to kiss during origin of love. the variety show is cancelled, but the core four and gay kevin perform midnight radio on the roof, and jughead watches a stalker vhs tape of someone in a betty mask killing someone in a jughead mask. tickle porn shenanigans continue, and gay kevin is threatened over cheating his original tickle porn handler out of money. mr honey then forces them to shut the website down. cheryl leaves the rum business after her mother is threatened because of goons that were mad at hiram. hiram decides to deal with this by going after said goons. archie writes a song for betty, they explore their relationship further, but she picks jughead over him even when he says he’ll dump veronica for her. jughead discovers that ethel watched his and betty’s sex tape, and he and charles uncover blue velvet video, which houses sexy films and snuff films, and jughead is like “oh this is connected to the whole vhs stalker thing.” cheryl is sent a video of someone dressed up as her father killing someone dressed up as her brother. the riverteens turn their focus to the fact that all of them except archie and jughead have been banned from prom for various reasons, and betty suggests they kill mr honey as punishment. jughead writes an elaborate murder fantasy about them doing so, and also kills off reggie and drives cheryl insane for the bit i guess. the riverteens conclude that mr honey was behind the vhs stalker tapes and have him fired, and he tells them they’re all deranged before going to teach at stonewall prep. the school secretary tells them all the wonderful things mr honey did for the school and hands jughead a recommendation letter he wrote him for college. jughead realises they fucked up and rewrites his story so mr honey lives, but uh oh! he and betty uncover a vhs tape of their fictional murder of mr honey, much like the others.

and that’s what you missed on riverdale!

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

The Last Weekend (S2, E13)

It’s been a trip fam. Hopefully, it continues for a third season. Thanks for sticking with me this far. 

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:19 - That taxidermy is creepy af. 

0:25 - Ok. But like, this is amazing. Look at Malcolm. He’s confused,  annoyed, and a little pissed off but he doesn’t actually look scared. He just woke up in a strange place tied to a chair and the last thing he remembers is telling his father to run. He knows his serial killer father kidnapped him but he’s not scared because there’s a part of Malcolm that is so so desperate for Martin to love him. Malcolm is NOT okay. His reaction to being kidnapped by his serial killer father is evidence of that. This dude is not in a good mental place. I'm here for it. This is bad. 

0:40 - Groggy, annoyed, and sassy Malcolm is adorable.

0:51 - This is a woman who thinks not telling the NYPD about that Capshaw phone call killed her son. She doesn’t know where Malcolm is right now or if he’s alive. BUT Jessica knows Martin has Malcolm and therefore - Malcolm is not safe. The guilt and fear is oozing from Jessica and I want to hug her. :( <3

1:13 - Again. Malcolm is in danger. Why doesn’t Ainsley seem to be worried? At all?!? This girl’s lack of empathy is genuinely concerning. If my brother was abducted by our abusive father I would be a wreck. 

1:25 - “Don’t get cocky.” HA. What a great line. Although, it’s really sad to see how desperate Ainsley is for some attention from her mother. Although, I do love the contrast between this line and the line from 1x3: "You watch my reports?" "Not with the sound on". Jessica really is growing as a parent. I love that for her. 

1:31 - “Capshaw is claiming Malcolm was Dad’s accomplice.” WHY ISN'T AINSLEY UPSET ABOUT THIS. SHE’S ACTING LIKE IT’S JUST SOME JUICY GOSSIP. BE ANGRY GIRL. BE SCARED. BE UPSET. THIS IS YOUR BROTHER. At least Jessica is pissed and scared about it. 

1:46 - “Cruel eyes.” Has Capshaw ever looked at Malcolm? That boy has the sweetest eyes ever. They’re a gorgeous shade of blue, wide, and expressive. Never cruel. Often fearful. ALSO the fact that Capshaw looks at the window (where she knows Malcolm’s friends are standing) when she says this INFURIATES ME. I want this woman dead. She is the spawn of Satan and you can't change my mind. 

1:50 - The way Dani looks at Gil when he says, “You buying this?” is wonderful. This girl is scandalized at the idea that Gil might be buying Capshaw’s story. This girl is team Malcolm and I love her for it. She's so offended at the idea that Gil - the man who's known Malcolm since he was 10 years old - might think Malcolm is a bad guy. <3 <3 

1:52 - “Our boy’s crazy, but not that crazy.” <3 <3 <3 Every time JT calls Malcolm “our boy” or “our guy” my heart explodes. I love the evolution of their relationship so so so much. <3 Also JT is giving off major big brother vibes to Dani and Malcolm this episode and I LOVE IT. <3

1:54 - “Good. We all know she’s lying. Problem is we’re the only ones.” This whole scene. *CHEF’S KISS* Seriously, protective!Dani, protective!JT, and protective!Gil in the same scene?!? All going to bat for Malcolm? I’m in love. This is the found family content I’m here for. ALSO look at GIL. This man is so so pissed that someone is trying to paint his surrogate son as the bad guy. Gil is a good man but someone is threatening his family and that means he’s going to break his own rules. <3 I’m here for it. This is the kind of inner turmoil I subscribed to this show for. 

2:02 - "Good morning sleepyhead." I have thoughts. 1) If Martin truly cared about Malcolm why didn't he restrain Malcolm on one of those twin beds (where he could actually sleep) instead of tying him to a chair?!?! 2) Look at how hard Martin is trying to act like Malcolm's friend (not even a good friend). He's not acting like Malcolm's dad. A dad or a good friend wouldn't leave a guy who just suffered from an embolism alone and tied to a chair. They'd take him to a hospital, obviously that was out of the question here. So for the sake of this comparison, a good friend/dad would have put Malcolm on the bed, gotten some warm blankets for him, made sure water was close by, and stayed with him until he woke up - to you know, MAKE SURE HE'S STILL BREATHING?!?! BUT not Martin, this dude just waltzes into the room and delivers a mildly condescending yet cheery rendition of "good morning sleepyhead" almost as though Malcolm's unconscious state was a burden to Martin. Even though Malcolm was unconscious because MARTIN DRUGGED HIM (also not good!Dad behaviour). 

2:04 - "You drugged me?!?" This breaks my heart. After everything, Malcolm is still surprised (and rightfully annoyed) that his father drugged him. Malcolm knows that Martin is a bad man. He knows Martin has drugged him before. He knows he shouldn't trust Martin but after everything there's still a part of Malcolm desperate to believe that Martin loves him. PLUS one of the last memories Malcolm has before he woke up in this motel is of Martin saving his life. Malcolm was giving in to the "maybe Dad really does love me" mentality. It's heartbreaking and I want to give Malcolm a hug. 

2:23 - I find this whole exchange so upsetting yet interesting. Both Malcolm and Martin are being openly hostile to each other. Usually, Malcolm is civil to Martin but right now, Martin is NOT chained to a wall and Malcolm is acting like an argumentative and whiny teenager (and rightfully so but still not a safe move). Martin is matching Malcolm’s mood. Martin is engaging in Malcolm’s frustration with an off-putting amount of cheer. I honestly believe Martin is just ecstatic that he’s been given an opportunity to ‘be a father’ again. There’s also a part of me that is completely convinced that Martin was already hatching his plan to have Malcolm kill him. Why would he do that? My answer: 1) Martin doesn’t want to go back to prison, 2) To finally get revenge on Malcolm for turning him in in 1998, 3) he’s a predatory psychopath and he saw an opportunity to screw with someone, 4) Martin is pissed off that Malcolm keeps trying to distance himself from Martin. Martin see’s it as betrayal and he wants to make Malcolm suffer. 

2:25 - THIS. IS. AMAZING. The way Malcolm immediately panics and tries to escape Martin when the switchblade comes out is incredible. You can see Malcolm’s perspective shift. We actually see it flip back and forth all episode. Half the time, Malcolm is a little boy desperately trying to convince himself that Martin has changed and that Martin loves him. The other half of the time, Malcolm is a logical and educated adult who knows Martin is a dangerous killer who is trying to manipulate him. It’s such a compelling dichotomy.

 2:44 - “We are the victims here Malcolm.” I absolutely believe that Martin believes this statement. HOWEVER, I also think he’s using the situation to his advantage in an attempt to sway Malcolm’s trust in him. 

2:52 - “You’re in a pickle.” This infuriates me. Martin does NOT love or care about Malcolm. What Martin does love - is what Malcolm does for him. ie. Providing him a connection to the real world (visiting him in prison), giving him an outlet for his attention-seeking needs, giving him a plaything to manipulate. Martin views Malcolm as a pet NOT a person and NOT a son. That kills me. 

2:55 - “I need to call Gil.” <3 <3 This is absolutely beautiful and terrifyingly stupid. Beautiful because Malcolm is in trouble and his knee-jerk reaction is “Gil can help. I trust Gil. Gil loves me. He’ll listen. He’ll help.” <3 <3 So precious. It’s scary though because it’s no secret that Martin views Gil as a threat to his family. This will make Martin more determined to manipulate Malcolm. Because again, Martin views everything as possessions. He doesn’t actually love Malcolm, Ainsley, and Jessica. He loves the idea of them and what he can do with them. He doesn’t actually care about them though. He only cares about their wellbeing to the extent of how it will affect him. (SIDE NOTE: I’m honestly crushed that we didn’t get a proper Gil+Martin face off during this finale.)

2:58 - “Gil’s great and all.” This man speaketh from his ass. He hates Gil. This is some damn fine manipulation. He’s interaction with Malcolm in a way he knows Malcolm will have a positive reaction. I respect it. It also makes my blood boil (out of love for Malcolm).

3:05 - “Who would you believe?” This hurts. Look at how absolutely crushed Malcolm looks. Malcolm knows no one will believe him. Why would they? He’s the son of a serial killer with well documented mental health issues and well documented issues with rule-following. It’s common knowledge that he’s an intense and weird dude. And it’s all Martin’s fault. 

3:07 - “Can we talk?” I’m impressed. First, Martin complements the man he knows Malcolm respects more than anything. Then, he appeals to Malcolm’s insecurities and fears of being ‘The Surgeon’s son’. He does it all calmly, in a comforting tone of voice. This is manipulation at its finest. 

3:17 - “You look ridiculous.” This is Malcolm fully aware that Martin just tried to manipulate him. It still hurt Malcolm because those fears about no one believing him are completely rational and a very logical outcome of the scenario but at least Malcolm is aware of Martin’s game.

3:30 - “I’m Clare.” .....Clare = Claremont. Did Martin do that subconsciously or is he aware?  I can totally see him accidentally picking that name because after 20 years he’s begun to define himself as a part of the Claremont institution. He’s almost trying to maintain that link to the life he’s become accustom to. 

3:35 - “Too insane.” Holy shit. Malcolm sassing Martin is 1) hilarious but 2) super scary because I just keep waiting for Martin to snap and hurt Malcolm for his “disrespectful and ungrateful behaviour”. Malcolm really has no fear in this scene and I’m scared for what that means for his mental state. It’s not good. That much I know. 

3:45 - “I’m not your friend.” This broke my heart. Malcolm is so upset as he delivers this little outburst. He can see that Martin is trying to act like his friend instead of a loving father. It’s killing the little boy inside of Malcolm. It’s also frustrating for Malcolm because he wants so badly to do the right thing (turn Martin in) but he also just wants his dad to act like a real dad. 

3:55 - The fear in Malcolm’s eyes when Martin brings the knife back out. <3 Gorgeous. 

4:00 - The trepidation in Malcolm’s face as Martin cuts him loose. <3  ALSO, “I didn’t kill you. That’s gotta count for something.” why the hell should that count for something now? Martin tried to kill a 10 year old Malcolm. That should be the end. Any FATHER who tries to kill his 10 year old son (no matter what the kid may have done) is a garbage human and that child should never be told he has to forgive, trust, or have a relationship with his father. On some level Malcolm knows this BUT he’s also desperately trying to convince himself that Martin is a changed man. 

4:12 - WTF Ainsley? This scene genuinely makes me believe Ainsley has been somehow involved in this whole prison break scheme. Or at least, she’s been in contact with Martin since the escape. 

4:43 - “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Okay. Fine. Ainsley is finally showing a bit of fear here. But is it because of the Woodsman? Something tells me Martin has gotten into Ainsley’s head and Ainsely genuinely believes that Malcolm is safe with Martin. The Woodsman changes things though. Maybe the Woodsman was a variable Ainsley wasn’t expecting or didn’t plan with Martin. 

5:00 - “Why are we in Vermont?” First of all - there’s something precious about the way this line was delivered. Secondly, why is Malcolm eating? Doesn’t most food make him sick (1x1)? This is a high stress situation - presumably he’d be too nauseous/stressed to eat right now. 

5:15 - “That dream’s as dead as your 23 victims.” hahahaha ZING. This line actually hurts though. It’s not just Martin’s dream that’s dead. Malcolm’s is too. Presumably Malcolm has a fantasy somewhere in the back of his mind where he’s happily married with children. Hell, maybe his children visit their grandparents every weekend for Sunday brunch? But Malcolm probably doesn’t actually think he can have kids or a spouse because he’s terrified of what kind of a father and husband he’d be. That’s Martin’s fault. Martin has doomed Malcolm to avoid the deep, meaningful relationships in life that Malcolm clearly craves. 

5:25 - “I’m absolutely right” The anger in Malcolm’s voice is incredible and concerning. On one hand, it’s great that he’s being honest with Martin. He’s making Martin work for his trust and he’s communicating that Martin ruined certain aspects of Malcolm’s life. On the other hand, this boy has no sense of self-preservation. He’s provoking a predatory psychopath. He’s almost begging Martin to hurt him. I’m terrified at what that means for Malcolm’s mental health. 

5:35 - “Don’t you ever think it’s possible that I changed?” Look at Martin’s big stupid face. He doesn’t believe that he’s changed. He’s just trying to manipulate Malcolm. Martin doesn’t view Malcolm as a son. Just as a plaything. 

5:55 - “You want to find a missing woman. That’s your brilliant plan?” It’s an excellent plan. It’s a plan Martin knows Malcolm won’t be able to deny. Martin has observed Malcolm’s obsession with understanding serial killers for 23 years. Martin has watched Malcolm torture himself to save the victims of serial killers. Martin knows this is the one plan that will (at least temporarily) stop Malcolm from turning him in. Malcolm’s need to help other people is stronger than his need to help himself. So again, Martin is a shitty father. 

6:19 - “I worked the Woodsman case at the bureau for years.” Of course he did. $100 bucks says Martin knew that and he planned this out before his escape. Capshaw was an inconvenient hiccup in the plan but he was always going to kidnap Malcolm and try to manipulate Malcolm into becoming his partner in crime. 

6:42 - “Someone who’s not going to call Gil Arroyo the first chance he gets.” Damn. Martin feels threatened by Gil’s relationship with Malcolm. Which is why an escaped!Martin and Gil showdown would’ve made my year. 

6:46 - How convenient that Jeannie is from New York. 

6:52 - “But we could save her. Together.” Ugh. This breaks my heart. You can see that Malcolm knows Martin is manipulating him. You can also see that this is an offer Malcolm can’t deny. Saving people and finding/understanding killers is what keeps Malcolm sane. PLUS he desperately wants to spend time with the ‘nice’ version of his dad. The one he remembers from 1998. Malcolm is eating out of the palm of Martin’s hand and it’s so so so upsetting. 

7:01 - Why does Gary look so much like Deputy Crutchfield? It’s the moustache. 

7:10 - “This is my partner. Cameron.” UGh. I’m going to throw up. 1) Malcolm’s startled expression melts my heart. This boy does not want to be Martin’s partner in any sense of the word.  2) Was Martin implying that Cameron is Clare’s sexual partner? The hand around Malcolm’s shoulders made it feel that way to me. 

7:15 - Ugh. :( The way Malcolm looks at the hand on his shoulder. :( You can see how conflicted he feels. He likes the gentle, fatherly physical affection from Martin but he knows that Martin is a killer and this is an act. You can see that Malcolm knows this is all a hoax but you can also see how desperately Malcolm wants to believe in it. 

7:45 - OMG. This is a man who hasn’t been in public for a very long time. This is not socially acceptable behaviour and Malcolm looks so embarrassed and scared (that someone will recognize the serial killer making loud noises of pleasure over his pancakes). 

7:55 - I love that Malcolm isn’t eating. It aligns with Malcolm’s canonical eating problems. Kudos for the rare plot consistency.

8:13 - “I suppose I’m a little bisexual.” Ugh. Shut up Martin. You absolute moron. You’re not bisexual. You’re just a manipulative nutcase. It does make me wonder though, is this Martin’s way of trying to bond with Malcolm? Like maybe (whether it’s true or not) Martin thinks Malcolm might not be straight and he’s trying to have a father-son coming out of the closet moment? .....it sounds like a reach even in my head but here I am with this theory.

8:39 - The fact that Martin is such a verbal feminist throughout this show is so off putting to me. He’s a serial killer. He has no issues MURDERING people for FUN. Yet somehow it feels like I’m supposed to respect him more than the average man because he believes women are people with rights? Nah. It makes me hate him more because I don’t thinks he’s an actual feminist. I think he’s acting. He’s trying to appeal to what will make him seem more likeable. I think it’s a tactic he uses to soften Malcolm to his manipulation. 

8:48 - “I worked this case for years. Almost lost my mind over it.”........okay so I want more details on this. Did the FBI take him off the case? Did he stop working the case because he was fired? Did Gil watch Malcolm become consumed by the case and beg him to take himself off the case? 

8:52 - “I called every number at the FBI. You wanted nothing to do with me.” I hate Martin. He’s trying to blame Malcolm. He’s suggesting that more women could have been saved from the Woodsman if Malcolm hadn’t been ignoring Martin while he worked for the FBI. Martin is actually implying that the Woodsman could have been caught years ago if Malcolm wasn’t such a bad son. 

8:57 - “...such anger issues. Still do.” I’m going to punch him. I hate Martin. He’s mentally torturing our mental-fragile baby and he’s having fun doing it. Malcolm looks absolutely wrecked and my heart is shattering. Someone needs to give Malcolm a hug. Yesterday. 

8:59 - This moment has been giffed but damn is it worth pointing out again. The way Malcolm is self-soothing with his left hand while his right hand shakes is gorgeous. It really shows the depth of Malcolm’s inner conflict. I’m in love with this moment. Give Tom Payne an Emmy. Please.

9:13 - “There’s no time, my boy.” Every word that comes out of Martin’s mouth is calculated and manipulative. He has Malcolm exactly where he wants him and I hate it. 

10:05 - I’m 90% sure Martin already knows who the Woodsman is. He’s just playing dumb so he can screw with Malcolm’s head for longer.

10:17 - YES MALCOLM. Stand up to Martin. I love it. It also makes me worry about Malcolm’s mental health but I think we can all agree that Malcolm’s been on a downward spiral for months. At this point, our boy is not going to start improving his mental state until he hits rock bottom. 

10:19 - Martin actually looks shocked when Malcolm demands he earn his trust. Like it never occurred to him that Malcolm might be willing to rebuild the trust to begin with. 

10:30 - This whole scene between Gil and Ruiz is genuinely one of my top scenes of this episode (maybe even of the season). “The media will crucify him” “You might as well issue a shoot on sight order” “This isn’t a joke” “He has his demons but he’s not his father.” “I’ll stake my career on it.” This is one of the purest Papa!Gil scenes of the season and Malcolm isn’t even present. I love how Gil is literally willing to put his entire career on the line for Malcolm. I love how Gil is fighting for Malcolm in a public setting. Look at how the whole precinct watches the exchange. Gil is putting himself on the line in front of an entire precinct of people who respect him out of love for Malcolm. <3 <3 <3 

10:47 - “If he’s still alive.” If. Gil is terrified. Gil is losing hope. This isn’t like Watkins. Gil knows how desperately Malcolm wants Martin’s love and Gil knows that compromises Malcolm’s ability to profile his way out of a dangerous situation. Gil knows that Martin will kill Malcolm. Maybe not today, this week, or this year but it’s part of Martin’s plan. Gil knows that even if Martin doesn’t kill Malcolm - he’s capable of taking Malcolm away forever. Maybe by going on the run but maybe just because he tormented Malcolm to the point where Malcolm regresses to the scared 10-year old that Gil worked so hard to help. Gil knows Malcolm won’t survive that kind of trauma again. At least not mentally. Gil is terrified and I’m in awe. 

11:05 - “C’mon kid. Where the hell are you?” Hear that? It’s my heart shattering into a million pieces because this is the type of father Malcolm deserves. The fatherly concern Gil has for Malcolm is everything to me. 

11:20 - “Damn his daughter’s smoking.” hahahaha the irony. 

11:24 - Why am I so shocked and delighted that Malcolm has an NYPD ID? <3 It makes perfect sense that he’d have one but now I have these headcanons of Gil taking Malcolm around to the accounting office, and the administration offices to get him set up at the NYPD and my heart can’t handle how cute it is. 

12:12 - “You brought egg salad.” Ugh. These guys are so artificially in love and it grosses me out. 

12:54 - See what I mean? Crutchfield looks like Gary from the motel. I can’t unsee it. 

13:12 - Look another moment where Gil is CLEARLY thinking “this family I swear” hahahaha this man is so done with life today 

13:44 - “I know that look Jess.” <3 Aww....they’re practically married. <3 Jokes aside, this is amazing. Jessica respects Gil and she stops her plans when she notices the look on Gil’s face. She knows he’s not trying to control her - he’s trying to protect her and her children. He loves them and he’s trying to lighten her load. 

15:00 - “It’s your Lieutenant.” there’s a split second when you can see the hope, confusion, and fear clouding Malcolm’s face. For just a moment he thinks Gil is on the phone. Then the deputy says “Clare” and Malcolm’s expression transforms into one of annoyance and disgust. 

15:20 - “I didn’t have a credit card.” BAHAHAHAHAHA can we all just agree that talking about porn with your adult children is gross?

15:27 - This. Is. The. Worst. Thing. That. Could. Happen. The headline says “Son of Martin Whitly” and then later we find out Malcolm BRIGHT is on a wanted poster. Malcolm’s privacy from the press has been compromised. His life has been compromised. Nothing will ever be the same. This is bad for Malcolm’s already fragile mental health. His flimsy sense of safety has been forcibly removed and the public is going to crucify him again. Just for being Martin Whitly’s son. People are going to Google him. They’re going to find out he went to Harvard, that he was fired from the FBI, that he has mental health problems (although, Ainsley already exposed that). 

15:52 - Damn. It should be illegal for someone’s wanted picture to be that attractive (and I say that as an asexual).

16:00 - “You need a minute?” I love LOVE this interaction between JT and Dani. You can see that JT is a little unsure of how to talk to Dani because he loves her like a little sister and he knows she loves Bright. It’s adorable. <3 Big brother JT is my favourite JT. 

16:17 - “I like the guy.” UGH. I’m going to go sob in the corner. <3 <3 This line is AMAZING for two (2) reasons. 1) JT is admitting that he likes Malcolm. The bromance is real and I’m here for it. 2) This is JT subtly telling Dani that he knows she likes Bright as more than a friend and it’s not a bad thing. Malcolm isn’t a bad person and he can understand why she’s attracted to the annoying little dude. <3 

16:35 - Why is Ainsley working with Dani and JT? Does she actually want to find them? I still think she’s somehow involved in this. 

16:48 - “Did you steal this truck?!?” Good boy Malcolm. Don’t trust him. 

17:05 - Martin’s biggest mistake: he underestimated how devoted Malcolm is to his ‘mission’. He wasn’t able to manipulate and subdue Malcolm as quickly as he would’ve liked and now his plan is unravelling because Malcolm is snapping out of his ‘Martin might be good’ trance. 

17:19 - “I’m calling Gil. I should’ve known.” <3 I have no words. Just joy.

17:45 - “I do not want my son getting killed because of it.” LIES. Martin tried to kill Malcolm because of it when Malcolm was 10 years old. Martin didn’t care when Malcolm was bullied, shunned, and literally locked in a closet because of Martin. Martin didn’t care that the weight of his crimes destroyed his son’s childhood and continued mental health. Martin. Doesn’t. Care. The problem? Malcolm so so desperately wants to believe that Martin cares about him. You can convince yourself of almost anything if you want to badly enough. 

18:13 - Annnnnd Martin’s plan is back on. He’s lied his way back into Malcolm’s tentative good graces and the manipulation is still in full force. 

18:18 - The parallel that Martin is going on a stakeout with Malcolm right now and the fact that Gil used to take Malcolm on stakeouts as a kid is overwhelming. Do you think Martin knew about those stakeouts? Is this Martin’s way of trying to prove to Malcolm that he’s a better father than Gil?

18:33 - I DO NOT LIKE THIS. I DO NOT LIKE THIS. I DO NOT LIKE THIS. Capshaw is crazy and I don’t like her alone with my queen Jessica. #stressed

18:37 - “Believe me, I understand.” Ugh. Someone (preferably Gil) hug Jessica. This woman has been repressing her emotions for too long. :( 

18:56 - Ooooooooohhhhhh Capshaw just made the biggest mistake of her life. This woman is actively trying to convince the world that Malcolm is just like Martin Whitly and then she said as much to his mother’s FACE. I’m here for the lady fight. Say what you want, but vicious girl fights are so much more entertaining than dudes who just hit each other. 

19:29 - Bitch. Jessica regularly mixes pills with alcohol. Research your victim, moron. This isn’t going to work. 

19:56 - “You. Always you.” .....isn’t that what Malcolm said to Eve? Ew. ALSO the way Martin dismisses Malcolm’s admittance is very upsetting. If he wanted to prove that he’s a good father he should really pretend to care. At least a little. 

20:25 - As far as Martin is concerned, this is a victory. His son trusts him enough to let him out of the car - unsupervised. Martin’s plan is working (as far as Martin knows anyways. Malcolm is still definitely conflicted).

20:43 - I love that Malcolm keeps calling for “Martin”. Not “Dad”. Not “Dr. Whitly” (that would be bad on account of the manhunt). Just “Martin”. This goes back to Malcolm not knowing who “Martin” is to him He’s still trying to figure it out. Hell, he only resorts to calling him “Clare” when he thinks it’s the only way Martin will get back in the truck. 

21:15 - “What the hell is he doing?” EXCELLENT question. Seriously - did this moron not recognize the Surgeon and his son? There’s a literal manhunt for these two right now. It’s all over the news. It was playing on the precinct TV only a few hours ago. WHY DID CRUTCHFIELD NOT CALL ANYONE ABOUT THEIR IDENTITIES?!? Isn’t it protocol to call the NYPD about this or a hotline? I’m sure it said as much on the wanted flyers and the news.

22:05 - I’m honestly so stressed that Jessica is tipsy and drugged right now. 

22:35 - “Back then I wasn’t a good judge of character. Now I can sniff them out a mile away.” UGH. This honestly gives me PTSD. My mom says the same thing. She married an abusive man and now she claims she’s self-aware and is an excellent judge of character (spoiler alert: she’s not). My mom is about as good at it as Jessica. I mean, anyone remember Endicott? Or Eve? 

23:06 - “What was that Jessie?” OMG. I hate Capshaw more with each passing moment. 

23:16. - GIL. OH THANK GOD. JESSICA IS GOING TO BE OKAY. EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY. JESSICA DIDN’T GO LONE RANGER ON THIS. 

23:34 - Is that a picture of baby Malcolm on the mantle? <3 So cute. <3

24:10 - This bitch is going to jail for a looooonnnng time. Gil Arroyo and Jessica Whitly just heard her admit to torturing their son. She’s going to suffer. I’m happy about it.

24:28 - “Daddy. Daddy.” My heart is breaking. This is a real insecurity that Jessica has about Malcolm. She feels like she’s not enough for Malcolm. That’s why he keeps visiting Martin. That’s why Malcolm was so attached to Gil and Jackie as a kid (and now). Jessica feels inadequate as a mother. That probably contributes to how she emotionally neglects Ainsley. She’s afraid of trying and failing to be enough for both of her children. So she denies herself the possibility of failure by throwing the match. 

25:07 - Jessica and Malcolm studying Krav Maga together. Headcannon accepted. My heart swells at the thought. 

26:12 - Anyone else think it’s interesting that the picture of baby Ainsley was smashed over Jessica’s head. It just feels too convenient. It has to be some sort of hidden message. Does it mean that Ainsley’s the one who is going to destroy the family? Does it mean Ainsley’s working with Capshaw (or Martin)? It has to mean something. Right?!?

26:34 - “I meant for her sake.” I love Gil. He’s not threatened by the fact that Jessica is a badass. Hell, he thinks it hot. Weak men are intimidated by strong women. Gil’s a keeper. 

26:46 - WHUMP. <3

27:15 - This wasn’t part of Martin’s plan but I do genuinely think Martin’s not nearly as scared as he’s acting. 

27:38 - Why doesn’t JT introduce Ainsley? Because she’s not law enforcement and she’s not technically supposed to be there?

27:56 - Damn. Ainsley is desperate for attention from anyone. I bet you that’s why she became a reporter. People have to listen to you when your face is on their TV reporting the news. 

29:41 - JT is triggered. :( This is PTSD. The last time a gun was pointed at him it was extremely traumatic “I’m a father. I’m a good man and I am not a threat to you.” :( Someone hug him. 

29:57 - “But she is.” <3 DAMN. Badass!Dani for the win. <3 

30:34 - “Predatory psychopath married an emotionally compromised enabler.” Is this a comment on Jessica and Martin’s marriage? Jessica didn’t consciously enable Martin but her rich lifestyle and the things she was willing to overlook to maintain appearances definitely gave Martin more leeway than he should have had. 

30:48 - “You haven’t been in my league for decades.” Yep. Now Martin wants to kill Don. He didn’t need Malcolm to beg him to hurt Don. Martin was already chomping at the bit. 

32:00 - “NO.” Malcolm’s not his father. Even now he doesn’t want anyone to get hurt. He tries to protect everyone from physical harm. Even serial killers. That’s a good man. 

32:30 - I hated this speech from Ainsley. It felt....artificial? I just can’t see Ainsley actually believing that her Mother is light, kind, and good when she clearly resents her Mother for paying so much attention to Malcolm and neglecting her. This whole speech just felt really out of character to me. It felt like Ainsley was pulling a Malcolm - saying whatever she needed to get the suspect to confess to the truth. 

33:43 - “I can’t. Not anymore.” Bullshit. Martin clearly wants to hurt this guy. He just refuses to do it until Malcolm begs. Also, it feels like the show is trying to suggest that this is Malcolm giving into the ‘darkness’ that Ainsley was referring to. I disagree. This is typical Malcolm - consumed by the need to save a victim and solve the case. This is the guy who chopped off a guy’s hand to save his life, the guy who tried to infiltrate a cult to save Andi, the guy who tried climbed out of an elevator shaft to arrest a serial killer. Malcolm just doesn’t care about himself and his mental health isn’t doing so great. That doesn’t mean he’s becoming a killer. He’s not ‘going dark’.

34:40 - “Please. I’m asking as your son.” This wrecked me. 1) Malcolm looks so utterly destroyed here. Anguish is all over his face. You can see him grasping at straws because he’s so desperate to save Jeannie. He’s willing to compromise the idea that his Dad may have changed. Malcolm knows Martin hasn’t changed but asking him to do this will make it real and kill Malcolm’s desperate fantasy of a bio-dad who loves him. 2) Martin is a piece of shit. You can see how utterly delighted he is when Malcolm begs and refers to himself as Martin’s son. Martin views Malcolm as a possession and it delights him to hear Malcolm confirm that possession (”I’m asking as you son.”)

35:00 - Okay. His hand isn’t shaking but look at him. You can’t tell me he’s enjoying this. He looks terrified, guilty, nauseous and I don’t think it’s because he’s suddenly realizing that he and Martin are the same. I think it’s because he just compromised his moral code to save a total stranger. He somehow found it in himself to favour a Jeannie over Don. Yes - Don is a serial killer. Yes - Jeannie is his victim. So, yeah - picking Jeannie over Don is logical but does that make it right? That’s what Malcolm is struggling with. That AND the fact that he just asked his Dad to hurt someone - the screaming is probably bringing back suppressed childhood PTSD from that camping trip in the woods. 

35:13 - Another crazy theory for why Malcolm’s hand isn’t shaking. Have you ever been so so so scared/stressed/anxious that you felt nothing? Seriously - it’s like your brain just shuts down everything but life support and your body goes on autopilot. I honestly think that could be happening to Malcolm as a way to cope with the stress. 

35:20 - This is Martin pretending to be tormented and I HATE HIM FOR IT. He’s playing with our broken boy and I despise him for it. Hasn’t Malcolm suffered enough?!?!

36:04 - Something tells me that Don’s testimony will be vital to clearing Malcolm’s name next season (yes, I’m in complete denial that this show is cancelled). 

37:03 - This hurts. Martin is comforting Jeannie and it’s bringing back childhood memories for Malcolm. Memories of a Dad who used to read him bedtime stories and tuck him into bed at night. Memories that are tainted with the knowledge that Martin is a serial killer. Look at how sad Malcolm is. He’s fully accepting that Martin hasn’t changed and that he never will. He’s letting go of the desperate hope that Martin might love him the way he remembers as a child. He’s remembering that the love he experienced as a child was all a hoax on Martin’s part to begin with. 

37:07 - WHEN DID MALCOLM GET A PHONE??!?! WTF. 

37:14 - “The bad man is gone now.” Except he’s not. He’s always been here. He didn’t change. He just tried to be cleverer than his son. It failed. 

37:52 - Do you know what would have made this scene even more powerful? A flashback to the phone call baby Malcolm made to 911 in 1998. 

38:08 - NOW Martin is Dr.Whitly because Malcolm has fully accepted that Martin = The Surgeon = Dr. Whitly. They’re all the same and they all suck.

38:33 - “Maybe I need to work on that.” <3 <3 Yes, get sober sweetheart. Your dependance on alcohol and pills is not healthy. 

38:45 - This Gillica moment will live forever in my heart. I swear I’ve never shipped to people so hard while fully wanting them to be my parents. 

38:51 - OMG. Of fucking course it’s Edrisa. <3 hahahahaha

39:29 - The fact that Malcolm gave Jeannie his jacket is so cute to me. Just more proof that Malcolm’s a good guy. 

39:57 - Looks like the Claremont cardio program is lacking. (I’m so mean).

40:08 - I love this whole exchange between Martin and Malcolm. 1) I fully believe that Martin is genuinely upset that Malcolm turned him in (the dude doesn’t want to go back to prison - fair enough). 2) Malcolm just looks so broken as he listens to his father rant. You can see how bad Malcolm feels for turning his own father over to the cops. Again. The guilt is consuming Malcolm. Very bad for his flimsy mental health. 

40:22 - “You made me become him again.” Okay. Stay in your lane Martin. Let’s not victim blame here. You’re a monster. You’ve been manipulating Malcolm all day and you’re still at it. You wanted to hurt Don but you want to hurt Malcolm more. 

41:11 - “This world isn’t for you.” My heart is shattering. You can hear the pain in Malcolm’s voice. This isn’t a conversation anyone should have to have with a parents. Especially not when you’re already wracked with guilt and mental health issues that you’re not coping with.

41:20 - “Dad. Listen to me. I’m trying to save you.” THIS. THIS is the show. For two years we’ve watched Malcolm try to empathize and understand killers because he’s desperate to save his father and alleviate his guilt for turning Martin in. 

42:00 - “I was a good father. But you, you were never a good son.” ...............this is bad. Shit. This. Is. Bad. This is going to torment Malcolm for the rest of his life. He is going to constantly question “should I have been nicer to Ainsley? Should I have been more obedient? Should I have shown more of an interest in medicine? Would that have stopped that from killing? Did he kill because I wasn’t a good enough son?” Logically Malcolm will know none of that is true but it won’t matter because pain isn’t always logical. 

42:26 - 1) Damn. This family is stabby. 2) holy shit holy shit holy shit. 3) I’m shook. I fully expected it but I’m still shook. It was self defence but that won’t matter. Sure, there’s a 90% chance that Malcolm won’t suffer legally for this but there’s a 100% chance this is going to ruin Malcolm’s life. The guilt is going to swallow him whole. His mental health is going. to reach an all time low. The media will crucify him. No one will look at him the same. He won’t be able to go anywhere without people making assumptions about him. He’s going to be transported back to 1998 - this time with more trauma. It’s not going to be good (and I’m ecstatic at the thought of it because I’m an emotional whump whore). 

42:40 - His hand’s not shaking. I honestly think it’s because he’s in shock because Malcolm still looks like hell. He’s dissociating. If this triggers a mute!Malcolm episode I’m going to be the most excited person in the world. 

42:46 - “I was right. We’re the same.” This was Martin’s master plan. He knew once he escaped Claremont there was no going back. He didn’t want to go back to prison so he found a way to get himself killed (I’m assuming this kills Martin because that’s a lot of blood). No only did he plan to either 1) be on the run forever or 2) die trying  - he made sure that he could torment Malcolm as much as possible along the way. This sentence is going to destroy Malcolm. That sentence has been his greatest fear for 23 years. Now he thinks it’s true. It doesn’t matter that he stabbed out of self-defence. Fear isn’t logical. This is a big problem. 

43:12 - “Bright? What did you do?!?” ..................It’s been 3 days and I still can’t handle this sentence. You can see the shock on Dani’s face and the fear in Malcolm’s eyes. He looks like a cornered animal. He thinks she’s going to arrest him - he knows she has to. He thinks he just ruined his chances at a happy ending with Dani. He’s realizing all at once just how bad his life is about to get. AND DANI - she doesn’t believe he’s a killer but that doesn’t mean she’s not scared for him. The dude looks like he’s in the middle of a mental breakdown plus the legal issues - it’s not going to be a good day. 

I CAN’T BELIEVE THE SEASON ENDED LIKE THIS. I HATE IT. I LOVE IT. I’M CONFLICTED. I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS. I WANT CLOSURE AND THIS JUST GAVE ME MORE QUESTIONS. UGH. THANK GOD FOR AO3. 

I sincerely hope another network picks us up for a third season - I’ll be back if they do. If not - thanks for hanging out with me. I’ve had fun and this show will always have home in my heart. 

[thefirsthogokage]

Why did you rage quit the rookie?

(this turned out longer then I meant it to be, but I kept remembering reasons why I hate this show now)

The writing went down the drain. Hard. I was so pissed because it started off well in season one. Granted, it had a couple big ridiculous things that happened, but overall it was pretty good. Especially for a freshman show. One of the best I'd seen in years.

Then season two came along and it became progressively/exponentially worse.

Obviously going for shock value over good content with extreme circumstances in most episodes, often not making sense (why the fuck did Nolan's son and his girlfriend go to that trailer park?)

poor plot lines with female characters (Lopez and Wes getting engaged after only being together a few months, Lopez trying out to be pretty damn toxic and "I was poor, you should have been happy you were rich" and "sorry you're embarrassed of me (which is the same abousive shit my mother would pull), Grace going back to her ex because they had a kid even though their marriage sucked and it was outlined earlier in the season that was a bad idea, Jessica killing that one guy and that was never followed through on and her being psycho and following Nolan around and that never being addressed, Chen never given psychological damage she should have absolutely had even of she did self-therapy, Rachel getting her "dream job" in NY and the writers couldn't even take the time to tell us what said dream job was.)

Poorly planned plots in general (stunningly so)

Most characters not feeling like a proper continuation of who they were in season one. Going a ong with that, Chen and Bradford being way too close basically over night when that isn't natural progression from season one

I was for Chenford after season one, but they escalated it in a very cheesy and non true to character way, which also happened way too quickly. So many of their interactions felt too romantically tinted when they shouldn't have been there yet. HEART EYES ALL THE TIME! Like, I stayed watching the show for them until I couldn't tolerate anymore. Then I tried staying for Nyla and just gave up because I hated the rest of the show so much

obvious lack of research (the serial killer with pathology that made no sense, never finding out the connection between him and the lady, the guy apparently also got a job a prison with a stolen social security number from a disabled person - both of which would have been flagged in a background check!!! Such a genuinely poor writing episode and the season just went even more downhill from there)

Nolan being the hero even more in most of the episodes, and his intellect or lack thereof being a plot device

not letting Chen actually suffer from PTSD like she should have and just had her basically quickly move on in an impossible way (I am including this twice, thank you)

throwing her into a relationship with a guy who was a jackass and went all "leave my woman alone" on Bradford when she absolutely didn't need help

Jackson going to a very public premiere with his actor boyfriend even though he was an active cop. What the actual fuck were they thinking with that? Jackson isn't that dumb, he would have never done that.

this show clearly is not keeping a a continuity or character bible of any sort, getting basic facts of their characters wrong (especially Tim, I just can't remember the specific thing that it was, but it could have been inconsistencies in his wounds. Now that I think about it, Chen said something about him getting shot more then once and stabbed and the only time we ever saw evidence of any injury was after he was shot in episode one. Which actually brings me to my next point...)

they never had Tim have a scar from his gunshot wound

Tim getting his 12-year-old-acting girlfriend out of trouble when she bats her eyes at him. He shouldn't have even been dating her in the first place. No way Tim would have ever dated a friend of his rookie. Completely unprofessional of him, in a way that was not believable for his character.

No way Chen could have been an undercover cop after that documentary episode. And if that episode was mean to be a stand alone, it should have never been in the show. That episode also had continuity issues, and that's not including the absolute insanity of whatever the fuck they did to Stirling. (That poor actor, he really wanted to come back and continue the story with his character and Jackson)

THE WHOLE FUCKING BULLSHIT TIMELINE AND PACING OF THE SHOW! examples: They made the stupid thing current to whatever the real world year was. The problem with that was they had an in-universe schedule set up. The first two seasons should have spanned from like October 2018 to October 2019, and yet, in the episode where Wes got stabbed (earlyish season 2), it was November 2019 when it should have been around like May, 2019. They said it was 2021 early in S3 when it should have never been around that time. Infact, it was supposed to be during their last 30 days of their rookie year, meaning THAT should have been October or November 2019. The time pacing of this show is so bad. They should have done a real time skip in season 3, instead, the first NINE FUCKING EPISODES WERE THOSE LAST 30 DAYS! And, according to someone else's math, because of the bullshit with the timeline, Lopez was pregnant for 11 months. Absolutely fucking insane. Timelines and timetables that are so thoroughly screwed up in a show that it's THAT obvious they are flying by the seat of their pants are just impossible for me to stand. That is so dumbfounding to see on any tv show and alone enough for me to rage quit. It's so bizarre they stuck to a timeframe in-universe, then so obviously screwed up what year it was every damn season at least once (in S3 2-3 times).

Just such piss poor writing. No real planning ability. No writing talent left in that writer's room after season one. Just people who throw words down on paper and hope that people will like it. Which so many people still do for some reason?

There are so many other things wrong with this show, but those are the ones I remember off the top of my head. Granted, a couple are second hand because I stopped watching after the rookies did stuff with the DEA. I couldn't watch that. That was such and insane idea. OH AND THEM GOING ON A FUCKING SECRET OP? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!

And that's not including what I've heard was their "After School Special"-style take on fighting racism in the police force.

And I don't always pick up on these kinds of things specifically. I generally don't pick up on missteps like that in plot or timelines or whatnot or just things that even someone who doesn't have much specified knowledge in certain things should miss (the "job at a prison" thing I mentioned earlier). I'm good at telling the chemistry between actors, - or lack there of, - not the other stuff. When it's so bad I - of all people - am noticing things that are normally pointed out to me, a lot of fucking up is happening. In multiple departments. Like, normally when anything happens in other shows, it isn't as blunt, on the head, painfully obvious, and frequent as it has been in this show.

So, yeah, if you made it though my rant, congrats. If you don't get irritated with the show and bullshit that happens in it now, power to you I guess.

I really wished I could still hate watch this show, but it checked way too many "this is exceptionally poor craftsmanship: tv show edition" boxes for me to put up with it anymore. It was so promising at first, even with it's various hiccups (that I didn't notice until later on all of them) but I hadn't seen a show crash that hard in quality before. I mean, since then I had to experience the travesty that was Supernatural going from 15x18 to 15x19 and 15x20, but that was after I gave up on The Rookie.

Anywho, I would say I hope that answers your question anon, but I have little room for doubt that it didn't.

[in-tua-deep]

tua rewatch with the roommate

Episode five

Oh fuck the “I found you. all your bodies.” scene

“We died?” “Horribly.” throwback to the ben convo o o f

“If perfectly arranged under rubble and otherwise unharmed counts as ‘horribly”’  - roommate

I like that Diego says he’s going to kill Hazel and Cha-Cha like it’s a challenge?? lol five doesn’t care if they live or die he only cares if u do you big dumbass

“Well I know none of the main characters die bc there’s a season 2... and i’m pretty sure they’re all in s2... like all of the family?”

I mean luther is kind of valid for being frustrated that five didn’t share about the apocalypse but also like,,, the first person five told about it (Vanya) suggested he might be insane. so. i can understand some reluctance on his part on top of the whole “the last time my siblings fought this the Whole World Died Including Them i would like them as far away from apocalypse stuff as possible”

okay okay so five says “they turned me into the perfect instrument” so do y’all think that implies experimentation like in the comics or ????

all i can think about during the kennedy scene though is my high school history teacher. he went over the assassination in intimate detail and i’m pretty sure he was writing a book about it and everything. mr. hansen if you’re out there - 

i like feral beard five more than mustache five tbh if i’m picking 

“Someone ELSE shot the president? Was he supposed to shoot kennedy or was he supposed to kill the person who shot kennedy?” - Roommate

love that five tells luther to grow up over murder,,, though to be valid pretty sure they did actually murder people as kids SO. grow down?

fuck i love mary,, will you love me like you loved me in the january rain??? just shoot me in the heart

GOD rob is such a good actor

“wait a second... how is he wearing pants?” oh roommate you have a big storm coming

i have some serious questions about the commission and their methods of communication. where do?? the tubes come from? where do they go after?

Allison: i have a bad feeling [about leonard]

where are these instincts for everything else tho??? her marriage?

“Vanya. she really is trying to look out for you. i really would trust her. you could invite her to come along so she can see he’s perfectly fine??” - Roommate, whose instincts regarding not trusting leonard-harold are spot on

apparently my roommate knows people who put salt in their coffee. i have. so many questions.

“That’s suspicious?? that’s suspicious right?? did he do that? is he a secret serial killer? is he a FUCKING secret serial killer?” roommate when they talk about helen cho going missing

“What do you mean stop showing up it’s been like. a day” - I mean. the roommate has a point. 

Klaus’s depression bath is a mood :(

did klaus put eye shadow on before his bath or did he get his hands on eye shadow in vietnam?? the questions that will never be answered

Five is so enthusiastic about having someone who understands... he doesn’t even notice absolutely Not Being In The Mood,, klaus is grieving and five is just like !!! where did you go!!!! like it was a vacation

klaus: yeah i’m ten months older now. when i’m done being depressed i will lord that over diego for the rest of our natural lives.

does five write in all caps all the time?? why? 

roommate: I wonder what the upper size limit on the knives her can use. like is it machete length? forearm length? what are the limits on his powers. if he sharpened a very sharp mechanical pencil could he use it? if he sharpened a piece of the chandelier? at what point does something become a knife?

me: could he hurl mia (my cat)? mia and her knife feet?

allison also writes in all caps to write leonard’s address

we stan agnes and hazel in this household

“I never said we didn’t !! i just thought she was just a random extra in the first episode and every time we cut away i think that’s the last we’ve seen of her” - roommate because i keep saying that this is an agnes stan household

“OH THERE’S THE PATCHWORK COAT i was afraid it didn’t come back” - okay though good question he definitely didn’t have the coat on the bus. what is it with klaus and his magically appearing coat????

oh :(  oh klaus :(  every time klaus is sad i am also sad :(

honestly a family conversation IS the threat in this family

god though this random vet in this bar is actually an asshole though like. klaus doesn’t owe him shit. klaus served. he’s clearly having a moment with the photo. that could have been a family member or something who died i don’t even know

agnes: i’m a twitcher :)

“like a twitch streamer?” -Roommate

PLEASE give me twitch streamer!Agnes au

look i just enjoy hazel and agnes

roommate: honey you’re too young for her

me: NO DON’T BE MEAN TO THEM,,, agnes deserves a boytoy

“does diego drive a manual?” my roommate once again focusing on things that i do not

five: i have to find the people whose deaths could save the timeline

my roommate: is it agnes?? is he going to kill agnes????

i’m still laughing about that fact that luther is holding dolores.... over the fire escape... she couldn’t drop that far lads

luther’s dumb sometimes but he does have some nice heart to hearts with his brother,,,, honestly he and five get along pretty well in the early episodes. kindred spirits. body dysmorphia and isolation squad.

my roommate has to keep remembering social media doesn’t exist in this universe

i am still confused as to why

that won’t stop me from giving everyone iphones and youtube accounts in my aus though

diego can curve ANYTHING he throws, usually knives, according to cha-cha’s research. but that doesn’t explain the spoilers i have seen about s2 sO

Klaus: You also told me that licking a nine volt battery would give me pubes

HOW DID I FORGET THAT LINE

oh diego got a bullet graze forgot about that as well?? does he ever get like. medical attention for that? diego?????

it really has been like. maybe two days since helen cho died. is no one??? concerned????? they just immediately jump into replacing her??????????????????? hellO? 

“very clear camera angles to show that this actress did not actually play the violin for this role” - i mean that’s fair but ellen is trying rip

me: who’s your favorite character so far?  roommate: that’s a tricky question. klaus is very entertaining to watch. allison is the most reasonable and i’m very interested to know, well, she seems like the best combination of reasonable and has the least selfish intentions. diego and luther i feel like are both good in a bland way in that they’re both doing good in the best way they can which usually involves punching people. five is fun. five is very fun. five is as fun to watch as klaus, they’re both very fun actors to watch on screen. they’re more expressive than diego and luther tend to be.  me: so which is your favorite?????  roommate: first instinct says allison, though she probably has the least dynamic or interesting arc so far

are hazel and cha-cha the best because their victims never see them coming?? like. they aren’t really THAT competent.

“I do LOVE the aesthetic of an ice cream truck playing ride of the valkyries” - my roommate is valid

“LOVE the hypersaturated background in this scene. it’s more fun that having it be desaturated.”

five looks so baby in this scene with the handler :(

still unsure where five got that handgun but i’m vibing

hate when she touches his face !! awful!!!

the handler’s little “all of them??” like yeAH ALL OF THEM even though they irritate the living FUCK out of each other. siblings man

ben gets shotgun for the getaway !!! go ben!

“I’m starting to think... given how space and reality seemed to be warping during her playing... that her medication... isn’t for anxiety...” - oh, oh roommate

ah i blocked out the leonard vanya make out as well

“DIDN’T YOU MEET HIM TWO DAYS AGO?” - yeah i feel u roommate

yup there’s helen’s body

“CSI call crime scene investigation - that’s going to start to smell real soon”

pogo: and you understand that the children can never know

me: actually pogo fuck you

and that’s episode 5 everyone thank you and goodnight

episode six

i do love a good flashback to klaus

klaus: sees a shirtless soldier and instantly falls in love

they don’T EVEN QUESTION HIM just “KATZ GET THIS MAN A PAIR OF PANTS” and they go with it?? he just APPEARED and they don’t even care

klaus was really just vibing in the 60s huh

wait this is like 1962 or 63 right

when does s2 take place?? also the 60s right???

didn’t kennedy die in 1963 i feel like what i know about s2 contradicts that date but i could have sworn they said a round trip to 1963??????

luther is SUCH A MOOD in the family briefing.

“aww he’s a bad liar” - roommate

“I realize that [the umbrella] was necessary for the title drop but where the fuck did that come from”

@ the handler please stop touching five,,, but also five has such. non reactions to her touching him. which worries me. like she grabs his shoulder walking alongside him and he doesn’t even look at her

why are there gas masks in the briefcase room...

can you IMAGINE if your boss toted a child into the room and introduced him as the Legendary Time Travelling Assassin that the whole office had a betting pool over who would die that one time and is Definitely approaching 60 not 13... and then called him LEADERSHIP MATERIAL. implying that this child will probably get a promotion before you do?? can you IMAGINE?

“again... two days ago...” roommate about leonard and vanya

vanya really chose literally just the worst time to come back to the academy huh

okay but vanya going off?? valid, but also,, i mean. it IS their dads fault that they don’t have any relationship with vanya?

luther: it’s about the moon  roommate: critical role moon theory

hey like. how did the family get together in the first timeline holy fuck. it’s hard enough to get them together when they Literally Know The World Is Going To End

so remember diego getting grazed with a bullet yeah well he has a sling on now which makes sense!! and yet. when five got grazed by a bullet he SLAPS A BANDAID ON IT. someone please address this.

five is such an asshole coworker i love it

i wonder if dot is a mother. or just a nice coworker. she keeps trying to talk to him and invite him to lunch aww

i wonder if it’s purposeful on the handler’s part to call him “mr. five” instead of “mr. hargreeves” to like... further isolate him from his family? by removing his last name they’re sort of removing his ties to his siblings considering it’s not like they’re related by blood

forgot how much i hate the bathroom scene !! wow !! hate it so much!!! there’s so many violations of social etiquette in such a short scene! it’s so deeply uncomfortable!

luther: stop it pogo! you know everything our dad did

i am remembering once again how much i hate pogo all over again!! reginald literally locked klaus in a mausoleum!! he abused the kids! pogo didn’t even speak up about sending luther to the MOON,,, oh luther :(

he just learned his dad exiled him for no reason he has lots of rights his entire world view was just shattered wow i am like infinitely more sympathetic to luther on the second watch

“I knew allison and luther was a thing. you told me allison and luther was a weird thing. still not a fan.” - my very valid roommate

they could have made the fort so much more sibling-y instead of romantic and it would have been so much better honestly

oh dave :(

“I wonder who her primary care physician is and if she can find out what that medication was...” roommate i wish i knew

“I’m trying to decide if he knew ahead to time to try and get at her specifically or like... i don’t know when he took the figurine I was like ‘doesn’t he own an antique shop is he there to steal antiques from the family home’.” roommate on leonard

forgot the handler gifted five a suit. also don’t like that. don’t like her talk about his body and everything either.

“is it too much to ask to give him two outfits? one he can wear now and one with the new body?” - roommate

honestly with hazel’s talk on budget cuts i’m not surprised he only gets one suit

STOP TOUCHING HIS FACE,,,, HANDLER. STOP TOUCHING HIS FACE

five and his sweet tooth. don’t take the candy five. come on. what did your father TEACH YOU. honestly reggie probably was like “let them get kidnapped it will probably teach them a life lesson”

“there were like... villages that needed rebuilding after disasters. he could have been sending these packages to legit lunar research facilities. legit facilities would have adored to have that information.” 

okay but people KNEW he was on the moon. cha-cha mentioned it. it was in vanya’s book. why were scientists not knocking down reginald’s door demanding the research??? if i was a moon scientist i would have the mansion staked out trying to demand info jesus

“love his eye fluttering in the way of ‘oh shit i got something in my eye i can’t break character scene is still going scene is stILL GOING’“ - hilarious observations from the allison luther fort scene 2.0: grown up version that gets erased

did they just leave the fort up all those years. did no one USE the green house??? did grace lovingly work around it all that time?

oh :(  dave :(

grace is capable of lying and pogo is a shadowy motherfucker

“okay now that they’re actually putting it into the plot i understand why you don’t think he’s trustworthy but you really got on my back about that”

in my defense i just hate him tbh i did not like him when he first showed up and i never particularly liked him tbh

allison: i think you’re the only person who knows who i am and likes me anyway

me, remembering the theory that allison rumored luther to love her: HMMMMMM

okay but i think the luther and allison dance scene is fucking HILARIOUS. absolutely ridiculous. i mean i hate that it’s incest but also the fucking LIGHTS DESCENDING. the RANDOM WARDROBE CHANGE. 

roommate likes the green underskirt thing under allison’s random dance dress

are they just doing this in public???

ugh. the kiss. ugh. erased that from my memory as well

“they clearly want romance in this show but they painted themselves into a corner with the siblings thing” - roommate

five and his fucking STAPLERS isn’t this the second time he’s knocked someone out with a stapler?? the bank robber and now gloria??

five please your siblings were finally doing some decent work on their own issues :/

five is the kind of dramatic as fuck entrances 

“love how he just grabs [allison’s] coffee. kid needs a coffee after all that.” - roommate

five actually does a good job of rallying the siblings though?? they just broke the fuck up in the og timeline

“something tells me that harold jenkins might be leonard”

oh roommate

episode seven

uh oh harold was born

i feel vaguely bad for him

“me the night before a convention” - roommate on harold’s tape and cosplay and everything

okay but how did reginald even KNOW harold jenkins had no powers?? did he? keep tabs on all the forty some kids not just the seven he kept?

but also why the fuck are these people laughing at An Actual Child fuck all of them honestly

“did HE kill hargreeves?? I mean. he’s got motive.” - roommate

harold really said “i think my superpower is actually this hammer motherfucker”

how did he get twelve years?? was he tried as an adult?? was he in juvie? how old WAS he

twelve years ago... they’re 29 soooo seventeen? he did NOT look seventeen? he was NOT seventeen in that flashback what???

roommate theorizes that harold ran off after the murder and committed petty crimes until caught and tried for murder when he was seventeen so was maybe 13 in the flashback

okay so i looked up the timeline and he got out in 2014 or something so he was like 13 in the flashback which makes SO much more sense honestly but also what the FUCK was he doing for five years

“he’s actually laying out all the facts as he knows them and I appreciate that.” -roommate about five briefing the team

five?? the only member of the family with communication skills? it’s? somehow more likely than you think?

“allison’s pants that she’s wearing now are the most perfectly tailored things i’ve ever seen. not even a wrinkle when she’s standing still. do you know how hard that is to do?” again my roommate noticing the things i absolutely do not

five. five. you have a GUT WOUND and also jumped a BUNCH OF TIMES. you are not blinking into the police station and getting the file. you need some SLEEP. and REST. and WOUND CARE FIVE FOR FUCK’S SAKE. you still have a GUNSHOT GRAZE on your upper arm and a SLICE on your wrist from DIGGING OUT A TRACKER. FIVE.

diego wants to be batman SO BAD.

five crossing his arms and Not Uncrossing Them because he’s literally HOLDING HIMSELF TOGETHER.

wow luther is really handling this so much worse in this timeline rip

luther is losing validity points for CHOKING KLAUS i knew this happened but i didn’t remember how awful it was !!! bad and terrible! and luther is very drunk and very sad and very angry. oh. he’s saying he never left the house and never had friends for nothing :(

klaus had the realization that reggie was an asshole YEARS ago and he’s just kind of like “aww. luther :(” 

klaus is trying so hard

“Klaus has had the most heart to hearts with the most siblings honestly.” - roommate

allison at the beginning making her laugh in the office with the EYES, five on the steps of meritech, diego after the vet bar, luther on the couch...

wow cha cha really thought hazel was talking about how meaningful his partnership was with her when he was talking about agNES

five limping up the lawn and staggering up the stairs and clinging to the rails baBY SIT DOWN. YOU ARE BLEEDING.

“inspiring leadership” “one of the greats” what a sibling moment honestly.

five really said “i think i will pass the fuck out now”

five really said “hey i am literally willing to die for this mission because this mission is the safety and lives of my entire family and i love you guys :(”

except he doesn’t because five is decent at information sharing but getting feelings out of him feels like pulling teeth at times smh

is leonard trying to vicariously live his “normal child born on the umbrella academy day discovers they have had powers the WHOLE TIME” dream through vanya??

we yell about how leonard and vanya have known each other for like a week but i mean same for hazel and agnes!! he’s literally asking her to run away with him and she says yes !!!!! agnes is here for the romantic adventure with this man she’s really living her first hot girl summer and living for it

“she’s having her own little rom com! she thinks she’s living in a rom com not a dark sci fi!” - roommate accurate as usual

she just called ben the emotional support ghost and i mean... she ain’t wrong

honestly klaus should have just left luther to his rave, he didn’t get to party in his teens or during his college years or anything

i do appreciate the viking yell of “B R O T H E R” that luther greets klaus with though because that’s exactly how i greet my own siblings whenever i see them

oh klaus :(

oh klaus :(

he’s having war flashbacks, cravings, is in withdrawal, AND experiencing sensory overload while reliving one of the more traumatizing moment of his life

oh klaus :(

five in a bed for the second time of the season which is nice for him. if only the first time wasn’t because he passed out drunk and the second time wasn’t because of a whole shrapnel wound. i am now that captain of the Let Five Sleep brigade holy SHIT like at least they imply that the others sleep five is just feral and ready to go at all times

are the police allowed to just. remove someone’s arm sling? is that permitted? his arm could be fucked up? i mean. it is? he was shot?

“I saw everything my brothers and sister could do ruin their lives” VANYA some REALIZATION up in here,,,, admitting that the umbrella academy wasn’t exactly a desirable place to be is actually some real growth for her and leonard just fucking shuts her down? fuck that man

VANYA SEE THE RED FLAGS FOR WHAT THEY ARE COME ON

oh klaus :(  oh luther :(  oh :(

“love his corset side pants, like benedict from violet evergarden” - on the topic of Klaus’s pants

“I made everyone else so I must have made you” says god except for the fact that the kids just... surprise popped up instead of coming about the natural way. maybe god DIDN’T made them????????

oh klaus :(  prepare for disappointment :(

oh i didn’t notice the photos of the umbrella academy in the barbershop the first time i watched this

so klaus gives an age for the mausoleum... thirteen... do you think that was before or after five left? statistically it’s probably after bc it was only a couple of months after they turned thirteen that five vanished

Klaus’s “we were just kids” breaks my heart every time

if i was one of reggie’s kids i would have just not gone to the funeral. rip to the hargreeves kids but i’m different

he doesn’t even call klaus klaus in death, he still calls klaus number four. fuck that man.

“i was gonna say i’d have been very very surprised if they kept him dead” - roommate on klaus waking up

“Five bucks says he set these guys up to try and get something out of her” - the roommate being very perceptive

cha cha is VERY rude to my girl agnes

honestly why DIDN’T hazel just kill cha cha after her whole speech and threats about killing agnes slowly in front of him???? like he literally watched her try to kill him as well

why wasn’t diego arrested in the original day that wasn’t actually?? he was being considered already. he still left the house, albeit with grace instead of allison. why wasn’t he arrested then???????? 

roommate thinks it’s interesting how committed the show is to their old timey shit. she used a nicer words like anachronisms but the point is: w h y

are these episodes even longer than i remember?? holy SHIT

[awesomelyanxiouspanda]

I'm a Murderer, Not a Monster (Billy Loomis/OFC/Stu Macher) Part 1

This is a repost since I deleted my old Tumblr!

Summary: 

In this AU, Stu and Billy were never caught or killed. Their plan went off without a hitch, and once it was done, they hung up their knives. On the anniversary of Sidney’s death, they were forced to murder again to protect their cover; Tie up loose ends and save themselves from death row for good. Only problem is that the murders were spur of the moment and they have no alibi. On the fly, they choose a house at random and hope for the best. Which leads us up to now!

Author’s notes:

-I had a dream and it inspired this little thing. In this AU, Stu and Billy were never caught or killed. Their plan went off without a hitch, and once it was done, they hung up their knives. On the anniversary of Sidney’s death, they were forced to murder again to protect their cover; Tie up loose ends and save themselves from death row for good. Only problem is that the murders were spur of the moment and they have no alibi. On the fly, they choose a house at random and hope for the best. Which leads us up to now!

-AU takes place in a weird time convergence. Basically the timeline is made up and the worlds don’t matter.

-I’m a fool for bad boys who are soft just for a few specific people, so Billy and Stu will be a bit OOC here. If that’s not your cup of tea, this is your warning.

-Relevant facts: Billy and Stu are both 19-20ish now. Ginger the OFC is 24 and Poppy is 6.

-Ginger’s appearance is rather general but she is short and chubby because there is not enough plus-size character love in fics.

-I had to split this into two parts. This one is SFW, just cursing and mentions of murder. Part two will be NSFW smut!

~“I’m a murderer, not a monster. I don’t kill kids, and what life would a kid have without their mom, hmm?”~

Billy’s words played over and over in my head while I stood, trembling, at the kitchen counter with my hot coffee mug in hand as I sipped at the sweet caffeine for support. I had to put on a strong front. I know he said he wouldn’t kill us but that wasn��t very comforting when there were two serial killers sitting at the table with my daughter; All three eating pancakes like there wasn’t a care in the world.

“Thanks mama. I’m gonna go brush my teeth for school,” Poppy said, pushing out her chair as she collected her plate.

“Alright sweetie. Don’t forget to wash your face after,” I called to her.

She nodded in agreement as she trotted off, ponytail swinging joyfully behind her.

With her bountiful energy out of the room, I let my shoulders sag and swallowed hard. Fear and uncertainty were tearing up my stomach and making it hard to breathe.

“You can relax, doll. We’re not going to hurt you, and especially not her,” Stu commented, shoving the last bite of his pancakes in his mouth, “We’re not that kind of people.”

I cringed slightly at the way he spoke with his mouth full and gaping, but didn’t dare comment on it. Who would correct a murderer on his table manners?

“I know you said that but it’s just…. I’m terrified honestly. I don’t trust anyone in my home, around my kid, other than family and now there are two strange men staying here,” I explained quietly, keeping my tone as docile as possible.

Billy rose silently from his chair and immediately I tensed up as his dark eyes landed on me. He wasn’t insanely tall like his partner but he was beyond intimidating as he marched over and stood only a few inches from me. Even though he was shorter, he still towered over me and my five foot frame. It suddenly felt like there was a lump in my throat that I just couldn’t swallow past.

“We won’t be in your hair longer than we have to be. As long as you keep your end of the deal, everything will go smoothly. You have my word that we wouldn’t touch a hair on that kids’ head no matter what, but if you were to try to start some shit-”

“I would never!” I cut him off immediately, heart racing and pounding hard at the threat, “Self preservation is my strongest suit next to doing anything to protect her.”

“Good, then he’s right. You can relax. You have nothing to worry about,” Billy finished with a nod.

A little grin came to his face and he raised his hand. Instinctively I flinched but somehow managed not to jerk away entirely. He patted my cheek gently with a little click of his tongue before going back to the table.

“Say, Ginger, you got any scary movies here?” Stu chimed in.

…

A week had come and gone, and then a second until more than a month had gone by. After almost two months of Stu and Billy hanging out off and on in my home, it was as if they weren’t even that infamous killer I’d heard so much about on the news. If I hadn’t woken up to the two of them over my bed in the Ghostface masks with blood soaked cloaks and knives, I might have never believed that they were. They were both so… normal. Although Billy obviously had some brooding and anger issues, he seemed to just be a regular, albeit gorgeous, guy with a chip on his shoulder; And Stu was absolutely adorable, funny, kind, and endearing. Together they made a hilarious duo; Billy’s dry humor and sarcasm pairing perfectly with Stu’s overzealous comedy. I was starting to LIKE having them there; it was a scary though.

They were both also surprisingly respectful of our home, of Poppy and my general distrust of men around her; Ensuring they were never in another room alone with her, even if it was just the kitchen or living room. I appreciated their tact. It was becoming easier to make myself almost believe the cover story they had come up with about us meeting in a bar and them passing out in my house on the night of the murders.

I was still in wonder of just how they had ended up here though. We were about an hour away from Woodsboro and in a decent but not extravagant area. Why us? Why this house?

“What’s wrong, doll? You look down?”

My cheeks heated under the pet name and I quickly tried to push away the butterflies it gave me when mixed with the curious look on Stu’s face. There was no way I could begin to acknowledge my stupid little crush on him without it making me feel weird. Although I’d started to feel friendship or possibly more toward them, there’s was nothing to say that they were doing more than keeping up the pretenses of our deal and ensuring I wouldn’t rat them out. Not to mention, my self-esteem told me that two men who were so beautiful would never be interested in a woman of my size and appearance, much less since I was almost four years older than them.

“No, not down, just thinking,” I explained, passing the popcorn bowl over to him.

He cocked his head to the side in obvious curiosity while he swiped some popcorn from the bowl.

“About?” Billy asked from the recliner across the room.

I shrugged but chose to be honest. I’d learned honesty was certainly the best policy with them.

“Why you came to this town when your hometown is an hour away. Why you chose this place of all places.”

Apparently that threw them both for a loop, Stu’s eyes darting to Billy while the other let mild-surprise run across his face.

“Well, I guess it was just fate. I’m pretty sure anyone else would have fought us by now and we’d have had to kill them. Which would have screwed up the whole plan, of course,” Billy vaguely explained.

I felt my curiosity pique at the mention of a plan and I hesitantly asked, “What is your long term plan?”

“A fresh start. Get away from all that shit that started this whole thing and try to do more with our lives,” Billy replied, eyes drifting back to the movie on the TV.

“It wasn’t like we planned on killing forever. Hell, we made it out for a whole fucking year before someone jeopardized our freedom,” Stu added in, “Had to do what needed to be done to keep people looking away from us though.”

He was obviously waiting for some kind of reply but I wasn’t sure what to say. Instead I gave him a shrug as I mulled over my thoughts.

“I can’t say I agree with, or understand, killing anyone to begin with, obviously, but I wasn’t in your situation either. That said, I CAN understand wanting a fresh start. That’s why Poppy and I moved here too; Away from a past life I no longer wanted a part of,” I responded after a while.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Billy asked.

I hesitantly met his powerful gaze before admitting, “I had to leave our old home for our safety. Let’s just say, there are worse things a person can do than end a life.”

The intensity in the room went up a level and I could almost feel both of them staring at my burning face, but I had already let out more than I wanted to. In this place, in my new world, no one knew of our past. They knew I was a single mom to a happy little girl, and that’s how I wanted to keep it. People’s opinions tended to change when they knew your dirty little secrets.

“Mama, are we still watching Rugrats tonight?” Poppy asked.

Her sudden appearance from the bedroom made me jolt and yelp in surprise. She grinned and stuck her tongue out at me, before clutching her tummy and letting out rolls of deep belly laughter.

“I scared you! I scared you! You scare so easy mommy!”

With a slight eyeroll of embarrassment, I waved away her hysterics before gesturing her over.

“Don’t make fun of me, butthead,” I teased, then added, “But yeah, as soon as Stu and Billy head out we’ll put on Rugrats.”

“Sounds like it’s time to skeedaddle, scoob,” Stu commented in a silly voice, “Gotta let the little princess get her movies in.”

Poppy grinned and nodded.

“Don’t forget, you promised to come back soon and play candyland with us,” Poppy reminded the two before climbing up onto the couch next to me.

“Yeah, yeah, pipsqueak,” Billy commented, unable to hide a little grin before he rose to his feet, “We’ll stop by again soon.”

I got up from the couch and walked them to the door out of habit, waiting until they were down the sidewalk before I shut and locked it.

“Okay, let the Rugrats extravaganza begin!” I cheered, scurrying back to the couch.

Poppy giggled and burrowed against my side eagerly as I flipped the TV over to the correct setting and pushed play. The familiar theme song blared from the TV speakers as the movie started and I settled back on the cushions more. Some parents wouldn’t admit it but I still enjoyed cartoons as much as I had when I was a kid. It was a nice bonding experience too, watching some of the shows I grew up on!

…

As the credits rolled, I shifted slightly and slowly lowered Poppy to the couch. She had fallen asleep about halfway through, as I had expected, but I wanted to finish up the movie anyway; It was one of my favorites!

Patting her shoulder gently, I set about picking up the remnants from the evening visit. Popcorn bowl, kernels, soda cans, and the like all barely fit into my arms so I rushed into the kitchen quickly as not to drop anything and let it down on the counter, sorting rubbish from dishes.

I had just got the sink water started to wash the dinner dishes when there was a loud crash from the garage.

“What the fuck?” I muttered.

I cut the water and dried my hands before shuffling closer to the garage door. Once I was almost a foot away, I heard hushed hisses and curses.

“Oh my god!”

As fast as I could, I flipped the deadbolt and door lock, only to be greeted to the sound of something slamming against the door.

“Oooohhhh ladies! I know you’re in theeerrreee,” a male voice sung teasingly, “Just wait ‘til I get you, you fucking bitch!”

Another slam against the door had me finally moving, eyes watering and chest burning as I held in a panicked scream. Without words I snagged Poppy and my phone up from the couch and sped into my room.

“Mommy?” Poppy groaned sleepily.

“Shh baby. I need you to stay as quiet as possible. Someone’s here. Hide in the nightstand.”

Her eyes instantly cleared up as fear marred her features. There was a sense of wisdom in her movements as she calmly and quietly crawled into the lower part of the bedside table, the cubby hole just barely large enough for her small frame. I turned it so the open side faced the wall and breathed out a sigh of relief. You couldn’t tell it wasn’t meant to be that way, nor that there was an opening on the other side. As long as she was still and silent, he’d most likely never find her.

“Whatever you do, don’t come out or speak unless I tell you to. No matter what. I love you.”

With Poppy tended to, I brought up my cell phone and dialed 911.

“This is 911. What is your emergency?”

“My name is Ginger Wallace. I live on 304 Cedar Knoll. Someone just broke into my house and threatened to kill me and my daughter,” I rushed out, hoping my words were clear enough for the operator.

“You said 304 Cedar Knoll, ma’am?” the woman asked.

“Yes, please, hurry and send someone,” I hissed.

Something slammed into the bedroom door and I jumped back with a scream as the pressed wood flexed under the impact. Hands shaking and heart pounding, I ran over to my desk and looked for anything I could use as a weapon. Another wall-shuddering thud hit the door right before the man spoke again.

“They’ll be too late, bitch. They always are. You wanna know all the things I’m gonna do you to before they get here? And to that little bitch too?!”

At those words, my blood ran cold.

“What’s taking so long?” I spit into the phone when I didn’t hear anything other than keys clacking.

“Okay ma’am, I was able to send out your location. An officer is on the way. Are you in a safe place away from the intruder?” she asked.

“Yes? No? I don’t fucking know. There’s a door between us.”

“Okay, I need you to stay on the line with me. An officer should be there about in twenty minutes.”

The door bowed under the pressure of what sounded like the intruder’s entire body being thrown against it and I felt my strength begin to drain, my knees going weak as I back up and leaned against the wall.

“Twenty minutes?!”

That was too long. Way too fucking long. Without much thought, I hung up the phone and dialed the first number I could think of. The intruders cursing was barely registering in my mind as I prayed for my only hope to answer. They had been renting out a place not too far away and with luck they’d still be awake, and thus the closest help.

“Ginger? It’s late, doll. What’s up?” Stu asked through the phone.

Another slam and cracking wood filled the air, along with a cackle that made me shudder.

“There’s someone in our house,” I whimpered, sliding down to sit on the floor as I felt panic set in hard, “He’s threatening to- to kill us. Are you guys able to-?”

“What?! Fuck, yeah. We’re on the way!”

I whispered a quiet thank you and tried to listen as he rambled something about being at the liquor store, but my attention remained on the crack slowly spreading down the door. I had to do something, but what?

“Hey! Ginger! Listen to me, sweetheart. Are you in a seperate room from him?”

Billy’s calming voice came through the haze like a beacon, and I quickly answered him that we were in my bedroom.

“Okay, good. I want you to barricade the door with whatever you have. Dressers, bed, whatever. Just keep him out until we get there. We’re less thab ten minutes away.”

I nodded, then realized with a frustrated sigh that he couldn’t hear that.

“Okay,” I finally murmured.

Climbing to my feet, I managed to pin the phone between my shoulder and ear and push the dresser at the same time. It wasn’t super heavy, but it was something. Next I maneuvered my vanity over. I barely had released it when the man slammed into the door again with a frustrated growl, tearing a startled scream from me as I stumbled back onto the floor.

“Do you have a weapon?” Billy asked suddenly.

“No,” I whispered.

“Is Poppy safe?” came the next question.

“Yes. He won’t be able to find her now,” I replied lowly.

“Okay, okay good. That’s good. We’re almost there.”

I heard a car horn honk from his side of the line and Stu swearing frantically, but then I stopped listening as recognition washed over me. The intruder was quiet, had been for a good minute or two.

As if my thoughts provoked his actions, suddenly the door was rammed again. The crack splintered farther down and I could swear there was light peeking through now.

“If you open up now, I promise to make the brat only watch! Hmm? How does that sound? Would you open up to save her?”

The guy sounded winded or hurt or something, but his threat was still bone-chilling nonetheless. I knew I stood no real chance against him weaponless. A terrified whine escaped before I could stop it and I felt my stomach lurch in disgust.

“We’re here! Right outside, Ginger. Don’t come out, okay?” Billy snapped sharply.

“O-Okay,” I whispered.

A door slammed in the other room and I heard the intruder let out a cry of shock before all three men were yelling. I couldn’t help but hide my head in my arms, unable to stand the sensory overload of the screaming onto top of all the other shit going through my mind. When a cry of pain sounded, my heart nearly stopped. I jumped to my feet when Stu yelled out for Billy, and nearly tore the furniture from the door to investigate the cause, but then came a loud thud; like a body hitting the floor.

I couldn’t make out what was being said at first, but then I heard my name.

“We got him! It’s okay now.”

With a strength I didn’t know I possessed, I shoved away the dresser and vanity as fast as possible and tore the door open, just to be greeted with the sight of Billy and Stu holding down a large man. A glint in the dark drew my attention to the blade at his throat, but my attention was quickly moved to the blood dripping from Billy’s nose.

Fuck. He’d gotten hurt trying to help me. A wave of guilt crashed over me, calmed only slightly when he spoke up.

“I should gut you here and now, you fuckwad,” Billy growled, “Slice you open and let you watch your intestines bleed out like a butchered pig.”

“Yeah! Teach you a lesson about messing with what isn’t yours!” Stu hissed, a terrifying look of glee on his bright eyes.

“No! Don’t kill him! No killing please.”

My shouts echoed across the room, over the man’s pained cries and the heavy grunts of Stu and Billy, and thankfully they both seemed to listen. On shaking legs, I slowly made my way over to them. The assailant was still stupidly struggling under the guys, but they gave him no quarter.

“Let’s do this the right way, okay? Remember, new start,” I whispered, carefully reaching out.

Billy tilted his head back, obviously weighing the options, before be nodded once. I couldn’t help but cringe as the blood dribbled down from his nose.

Damn that asshole for causing all of this mayhem!

“New start,” Billy agreed finally.

Hesitantly I rested a hand on their backs in a grateful manner, to which Stu surprisingly seemed to relish in.

I let out a yelp of fear as Billy reached out and suddenly slammed the man’s face into the floor, effectively knocking him out and silencing him immediately. Stu let out a snort then leaned lightly against my leg, his weight and warmth a welcome support in return, as Billy tied the man’s hands behind his back.

I let out a sigh of relief as we finally heard sirens approaching.

“Where’s Poppy?” Stu demanded suddenly, rising to his feet with an expression kin to fear on his face.

Billy swore harshly and growled out, “Did he hurt her before?!”

“No, no, she’s okay,” I reassured him quickly, “We hid before he got to us.”

Both men went limp in obvious relief as I called for her to come out. I heard nightstand scrape on the ground before she rushed out, barreling straight into my legs. I wasted no time hugging her back. After a few moments, she threw herself at the Stu. He brought her up in a bear hug, tossing a questioning look in my direction, to which I could only shrug. Why would I deny her comfort after what we’d just experienced? She clung to him like her life depended on it.

“We’re safe now, baby,” I murmured to her, reaching out and rubbing her back.

Her curls bobbed as she nodded in understanding. As she began to pull back, she instantly reached out for Billy, who was much more hesitant about holding her.

“Thank you. Thank you for saving us,” Poppy muttered into his shoulder.

“Of course,” was all he said eyes wide and glued to mine.

It was painfully obvious that he felt awkward and unsure of the familial affection, and I wanted to help somehow but wasn’t sure how. Stu shifted closer and wordlessly wrapped an arm around my shoulder, copying the motion on Billy, drawing us in. Poppy let out a little hiccup and a weak whimper as she fit snugly between the three of us. Feeling less awkward and even more grateful to them, I let my guard down and gave into my baser emotions; the dam breaking with the first tears that slipped out.

“Oh doll,” Stu muttered, squeezing me tighter when a little sniffle escaped my hold.

Eyes burning and chest aching with so many hectic emotions, I wrapped an arm around both their waists and held them tight; soaking up the feeling of complete and utter safety. As I rested my face against Stu’s chest, the tears flowed freely.

“You’re okay now,” Billy added after a few moments, “We’re not gonna let anyone hurt you.”

The sincerity in his tone took some of the ache away. I carefully drew from Stu and turned to face Billy, letting a frown curve at my lips.

“But you got hurt,” I murmured.

He looked surprised for a second before simply shrugging.

“This is nothing. I’d take worse if it’s what I had to do to make sure you guys weren’t hurt,” he replied.

Blushing, I swallowed hard and tentatively reached out, taking the hand that wasn’t holding up Poppy.

“Thank you. Let me go get a napkin and some ice for your nose.”

[nightwingshero]

Claws and Fangs

My werewolf au!!! My first shot at it, but here it goes!!

Montana wasn’t the top of my list of states to visit, let alone live.  It never would have crossed my mind. I dreamed of the shiny lights of LA, Atlanta, New York, or even Paris. Never some town nobody has heard of in a state many people didn’t talk about much. Don’t get me wrong, the idea of at least seeing the National Parks was enticing, a part of nature that not many people got to see in their lifetime. But living here? Never crossed my mind.

Rowan had been right though, like she was about most things. Part of me wondered if her being just a bit older had anything to do with it, or the fact that she had seen more than I had to truly understand the reasoning behind why. I couldn’t say that Montana was terrible. Growing up in Oklahoma, farming country wasn’t exactly foreign to me. I’ve seen it, I’ve lived it. I guess it had made being what I am easier, kept the secret where it needed to be. Rowan hadn’t been so fortunate. Her brother dying only eight years prior, hunted down by our own kind.

That led us together, ironically. My father punishing me for years for what I was, or what I wasn’t, and my snapping. Rowan’s loss and her wondering without direction. She found me that night, terrified out of my mind for what I had done. She was there to clean it; she was there to make it okay. And we’ve stuck together ever since.

I sigh and shift in the passenger seat, staring off into the fields and forests that passed us by as we drove. My feet propped on the door as wind whipped through the open window. It smelled so differently here, causing my heart to race in excitement. The promising freedom of it, all this land to run on, was refreshing to think about. It smelled like sunshine and clean water. It had me practically begging for a run in ever which direction. The freedom it promised…was so tempting. A certain scent lingered in the air that I couldn’t put my finger on, a spice that tickled my nose with a hint of…sandalwood? A shiver went down my spine as I reveled in it. I wanted to follow it, roll in it, and embrace it. But we had both agreed before we got here: no changing until we got a feel for the place and settled. We couldn’t risk anything before we could have a chance to actually have a home to call ours.

The scent began to fade quickly as we crossed a bridge, the sound of the river music to my ears before something sweet floated into our car. I rubbed my nose after sneezing, trying to adjust to the sudden change. We slowed before Rowan pulled into a gas station, shutting the car off at the pump with a sigh. Being cramped up in a small space for hours on end was hard, even with me being claustrophobic. It was never good for anyone, making their joints sore and themselves stir crazy. It was even worse for us; it drove us insane. We weren’t meant to be in confined spaces, it was against our very nature. I could feel the desperate urge to whine and pace, to hide in the woods and never come out. But I knew better. And if I had to be fairly honest, the other side of me liked car rides. They just never last long.

“I’m gonna go pay for gas. Want to grab some snacks for us?” Rowan asked, her dark brown eyes meeting my blue green once, and I can see the toll this has on her, too.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” I replied, the dryness in my throat becoming more and more obvious. I opened the door, tugging at the cut off shorts that Rowan insisted would help us fit in. Which was why I had a blue flannel tied around my waist, instead of wearing the leather jacket that was now packed away. We didn’t want to appear too suspicious, and if that meant a change in wardrobe, then so be it. She rolled up the sleeves of the red flannel as we walked towards the store, and I could feel the heat of the sun on my exposed arms as the cool breeze swept in to soothe it.

The bell above the door rang as we entered, a blast of cool air washing over us. I could hear the unit running raggedly in the back, and I didn’t think it would last much longer. The old man at the counter looked up from his outdoors magazine and narrowed his eyes, but we pretended not to notice. Rowan moved to the counter, taking some cash from her back pocket. I made my way down the aisles, noting the jerky and off brand pastries that I knew had to be somewhat stale at this point. I sneered slightly at the smell of the preservatives. I could almost gag.

Finally making it to the back, I pull open a cooler door to grab a couple waters. I raised a brow at the lack of a biting chill before letting the door slam shut. I weigh my options as I eye the snacks one more time, feeling the gaze of the old man on me as Rowan waited. I caved, grabbing the jerky and some chips. Something was better than nothing, and I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of here. I round the corner and come up on a shelf of brochures on my left. I slow, taking them in. Some were for the national park in the Henbane, the hiking up North in the mountains, an apple orchard in the Valley east of us, and a haunted house tour of an old hotel.

A colorful pink one in particular caught my attention enough to grab it on the way. I stuff it in my back pocket before approaching the counter, setting the rewards of my hunting trip down for the cashier. His eyes narrow again before he starts scanning, grumbling, and his eyes drop to the line of my tank top. I almost growl and make a show of my teeth to give this man something to really look at, but I know better. So, I just clear my throat and glare back.

He rolled his eyes before telling Rowan our total. She hands it over with a smile, thanking him and telling him to keep the change before we’re finally making our way back outside. I settle back in the passenger seat while Rowan pumps the gas. I stick my Converse out the window as I lean back, pulling the jerky out of the plastic bag. My mouth waters, but I know that as soon as I eat it, I’ll be disappointed. It had been too long since we last hunted, not daring to take the risk of being tracked down. It made me restless.

The driver’s door opened as Rowan sat back in, fastening her seatbelt as she went. “There. That should hold us for a while. At least it can give us time to find somewhere else to go where I won’t have to be worried about being killed or kidnapped. Was I the only one getting a Cabin in the Woods vibe from that guy?”

I hum before I pull out the brochure from my pocket. “I pity any serial killer that tries to pull that shit on us. We bite back.” I flip it open, scanning and reading.

“Not really my taste.”

I chuckled and turned to her. “Hey, check this out.” I show her the hot pink trifold.

“Drubman Marina?” Rowan asked with a crinkle of her nose. “Like, I know you like the water, Wren, but I think we should probably find a place to live before we think about buying a boat. And I’m not really down for a houseboat. I’m sorry, I draw the line there. We agreed.”

“No, I know.” I flipped it open, pointing as I go. “She’s a real estate agent, and she’s right in the Henbane region. I don’t think she’s that far…” I trail off as I pull out a Hope County map that we had gotten at the visitor’s center right out of the county line. My eyes wondered over the Holland Valley region briefly, the memory of the scent there. Curiosity gnawed at me as I traced a road the small town, Fall’s End.

“It looks like she’s actually on the border of the Whitetails. Maybe she’ll know of some lodging up that way, something that can tide us over until we find something more permanent. It’ll give us a chance to get to know the area, too.”

“Yeah.” I replied, breaking from my trance. “I wonder if she takes walk ins.”

Rowan turned the key, the engine coming to life. “Guess we’re going to find out.”

 “This is exciting! Y’know, we never get newcomers. I always have to deal with people who’ve lived here all their lives. Never get to show people the wonders of this treasure state of ours.” The blonde goes on as she shuffles through the bottom drawer of her filing cabinet, her back to us and bent in her chair. She pops her gum, the smell of cotton candy strong and I have to find my happy place. I could handle sweet, it wasn’t an issue, but it was so heavy in the Henbane. Mix it with the sweetness of Adelaide Drubman, and suddenly I was overwhelmed by it.

Seeming to find what she was looking for, she straightens and turns back to us, dropping the file heavy on her desk, making Rowan and I jump. “There we go! I have all kinds of stuff in this damn thing, let’s see if I can find what y’all are lookin’ for. Let’s start with regions. Now, each one has a special charm, and I’m Henbane’s.” She joked with a wink and a smile on her pink-painted lips.

“We actually did some research beforehand and had an idea of where.” Rowan chimed in with a polite smile. I could see just a hint of disappointment in Adelaide’s crystal blue eyes, but that doesn’t deter her.

“Which one did you ladies settle on?” The itching came back, that little gnawing at the back of my mind, and as Rowan answered, I impulsively blurted out mine, too.

“Whitetail—”

“Holland Valley.”

Adelaide’s brow raised as Rowan whipped her head around, her eyes scanning my face as I glance back at her. Her eyes show confusion and just a bit of concern. She cast a look at the blonde. “Can we…?”

“Oh, you go right ahead, darlin’.” Adelaide turned away, looking through her stack as Rowan’s attention fell back on me.

“Wren…I thought we talked about this. We both agreed. The Whitetails are better for us, it’s more…isolated. There would be more privacy, and it could be better hunting.” Rowan whispered, eyeing Adelaide here and there, the blonde humming lightly to herself.

Guilt bubbled inside, because she was absolutely right. We both agreed, it was a part of our plan. The Whitetails would offer us the sanctuary we needed. The Henbane was the second choice. Rangers and hikers to the north and east. Protected land that we desperately needed. Holland Valley was never an option, the chance of there not being enough cover for the both of us there. It was too open. But for some reason, I couldn’t get that damn scent out of my mind.

I leaned closer to Rowan, dropping my voice. “I know, and I’m sorry. But…did you not smell that on our drive through?”

Her dark brows furrowed. “Smell what?”

I sigh lightly, contemplating and frustrated. This wasn’t something that happened with us, being on different pages. Doubt began to eat at my insides. “I know it sounds crazy, but I smelled something strong and just…god, it was so enticing. I’ve never smelled anything like it before.”

Adelaide coughs a bit as Rowan tilts her head in contemplation. “We can check it out when everything is settled, I promise. But I think we should stick to the other two.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“You know,” Adelaide gave us a look with her brow raised. “Some of these dipshits out here might still be ignorant, but there are still a good majority of us that support your lifestyle, dears.” She smirks, a knowing look piercing us and the hairs on the back of my neck raise.

“Oh, no,” Rowan laughed before gesturing between us. “We’re not a couple. We grew up together.” Adelaide only hums, but I can tell that her words held a double meaning, I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

Her face becomes a mask of shock, something ingenuine about it as it doesn’t truly meet her eyes. She shrugged and continued. “Well, I’m just saying. So, any special fellas out there for yah?”

“No.” Rowan asked with a frown, both of us a bit shocked at the question.

“Really? You two are gorgeous, I’m shocked.” She laughed, and we give each other a quick glance. We say nothing, but we both know it’s not without some sort of effort. Packs, wolves in general, were dwindling in America. Or so we’ve gathered. They migrated North or overseas, or just died off. Being rogues put targets on our backs, but being unmated females made it so much worse. Female rogues that were unmated didn’t last very long, either claimed quickly or killed. The fact we made it this far was a miracle within itself, and one that wasn’t without bloodshed.

I smiled in response. “Dating isn’t really our thing. We decided to travel and just focus on what we want to do.” I lied smoothly. Adelaide sighed wistfully.

“Oh, to be young again. I envy you girls. What I would give to just pick and go wherever.”

“It’s freeing.” Rowan replied, and I nodded. It was freeing. Not being tied to a pack, or a male with too much testosterone for his own good. I think that was what made my lip curl the most. The males reeked of testosterone. Some made me gag more than others. Rowan said it had something to do with compatibility. A female’s sense of smell had a tendency to be more…sensitive than males. While all females smelled sweet to them, some were too sweet. That’s how her brother described it. Males smelled too musky sometimes, the less compatible, the worse it was. The more compatible, the stronger the pull. But at the end of the day, they were so full of themselves that even without the smell, they were repulsive. I enjoyed tearing into each and every one of them. “So, we’re thinking the Whitetail Mountains—”

Adelaide held her hand up, stopping Rowan in midsentence. “I love the mountains, dear. Absolutely. Any other time, I would be the first to suggest it.”

“But…?” I asked, eyeing her as she leaned forward.

“But I’m going to be real honest with you, girl to girl, I don’t think it’s the best fit for you right now.” I raised a brow, my pride and wrath clawing up at not liking to be told what to do. I fought to keep my teeth from showing. I counted to ten, did everything I could to calm the beast. Rowan threw me a side look, a shocked warning in her eyes. Careful. I knew that, and I was just as shocked as she was. I hadn’t been this worked up in a long time. I had long since gotten a control of that side of me. Now, the littlest thing was setting me off into a frenzy. Adelaide’s eyes looked at me curiously before continuing. “Not that I don’t think you strong, independent girls can’t do whatever you wanted, I’m just saying that the mountains and valley might be a bit…dangerous.”

“Dangerous? How?” Rowan asked with a slight scoff and hid my smirk behind my hand. Little did Adelaide know, there was nothing in this county more dangerous than the two women in front of her.

Adelaide shrugged. “Some people don’t take kindly to new folk. And you said you wanted to go somewhere isolated. The mountains are unforgiving, ladies. Things go bump in the night there and in the valley. This region offers both decent isolation, and great views. The sheriff’s station is also in this area, so if anything happens, you have a faster response. Besides, anything out of this region, you’ll have to go through John Seed when it comes to land. A lawyer makes things a bit more complicated, dears. Makes the process go a bit longer. And I don’t know if y’all want that. Trust me, I think you would love it here. Besides, we could be neighbors!”

Rowan and I share one last look, contemplating. The doubt was there, for sure. Trusting a total stranger, someone who would have absolutely no idea as to what we were and what we could do, over our own paranoia. But getting a lawyer involved was out of the question. It raised too many flags, and we needed to stay as off the grid as possible. We needed safety; it was the whole point of being here. To find a home we could reside without being discovered, and we were in an unknown territory. The choice was obvious, and we both came to that understanding without a word.

  It took us a week to get everything settled legally and moved in. I eventually got used to overly sweet scent, my nose only burning here and there. Adelaide and her boy toy, Xander, had graciously offered to help us. She was starting to grow on me more and more as time went on. She showed us the best place to go shopping, to get fresh meat, and highly recommended a pizza place not too far off the way. Our first night running was short and cautious, getting a feel for the land.

We stocked up on supplies, not having anything else better to do. Rowan applying for the newest park ranger posting, insisting it would help us blend in and establish some sort of roots here. I didn’t know how I felt about that, having been on the move all these years. I felt dizzy while everything seemed to finally slow down around us. I didn’t really think we could ever be able to do this, to have some sort of semblance of normality in our lives. It gave me hope.

The air was crisp, the sky full of stars as we got out of the car. The 8 Bit Pizza bar was busy and in full swing, even at eight in the evening. Outside, we could see Addie’s son and nephew, Hurk Jr and Boshaw, drinking beer and laughing away. They had helped us move furniture in, Adelaide not taking no for an answer. I opened my mouth to say something, but I froze, my feet coming to an immediate stop as the scent hits my nose. My mouth twists in distaste as Rowan’s nose crinkles. We both look, our guard up and prepared for anything.

I spot a cruiser at the end of the parking lot, closer to the forest. Two men, one older and the other younger, stood close and whispering urgently to each other. Even with my enhanced hearing, the noise from the establishment made it nearly impossible to hear what they were saying. Before Rowan and I move to leave, the older man caught our eyes and his head tilted to the side. His companion whipped his head around, taken in what had caught the old man’s attention.

He’s not unattractive, his tan skin and messy, swept back hair. He rolls his shoulders back, his chest puffing out a bit in the process. I sigh internally, because it was a show we’ve seen before, and I wonder who is the first one to die. Males didn’t typically take rejection well, despite how desperately we wanted peace. I’m trying to figure out a way to get out of this unscathed when the younger wolf turns and flashes his teeth, teasing and showing off.

My reaction is instantaneous. It wasn’t as much of an aggressive move as it was a way for him peacock. His way of putting himself on display while still in his skin. His way of flirting and an attempt to impress, a common move for most males. It wasn’t new to me. But the wolf was clawing inside, offended and aggravated at his audacity. It’s disrespectful to her, and she won’t stand for it. I’m shaking, fighting the instinct to go for the throat, and not for a mate’s mark. My teeth flash, promising violence and death if he dares to take another step.

Rowan squeezes my arm firmly, looking around to make sure no one is paying attention, but everyone is pretty much inside. Hurk and Sharky too plastered to comprehend what’s going on this far away. “What the hell are you doing? Wren, calm down.” She whispers harshly, softly pulling at my arm.

I wished I could answer her, but I couldn’t. I was consumed with rage and I honestly had no fucking clue what was wrong with me. I just knew this male was beneath us, unwanted, and he deserved to be put down until his throat was bare in submission. I wince, doing what I can to rein it in. I didn’t want a scene or to start off on the wrong foot. Something was wrong with me, and I needed to get my shit together. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

The older man stalks towards us with purpose, his eyes hard, and it reminds me of a time when my father did the same. The everything, the anger and offense, evaporates immediately and fear replaces it. I hated males with a passion. I hated their need to be in control, feeling more powerful than anyone else.

“Rogue females? Don’t see that every day.” His voice is gravely as he grumbles, and he spits to the side. “Name’s Dutch.”

“Didn’t think there were any more wolves around here.” Rowan replied icily as she glared at him, and he shrugs.

“There are more wolves in the North, girl. Don’t know where you come from, but we’re around up here. Maybe should’ve thought about that.”

“Noted.”

His friend finally came up to join him, and I fight to snap at him. His eyes are twinkling in amusement, as if I was nothing but a piece of entertainment for him. “Unmated females, at that. You know, that won’t last long with you being on your own.”

I sneer at him and his taunting. Dutch rolls his eyes. “Forgive this dumbass here, Pratt isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.” Pratt shot him a look, but the older man ignored him. “He’s right though. You passing through or staying?”

Rowan and I share a look, unsure of how to respond, before she throws her chin up high. “Staying. And we don’t intend on leaving anytime soon.”

Pratt let out a low whistle as Dutch rubs his bald head thoughtfully. “Ain’t no one asking you to leave, girlie. Relax.” He held his hands in surrender. “Just thought you could use some friends, I’m sure you’re a bit short on those.” When we don’t say anything, he sighs and continues. “Look, we aren’t the only ones here. I’m offering you a friendship, here.”

“You don’t know us.” I blurted, eyeing him up and down, trying to size him up as my instincts kicked in. He was a strong beta and could possibly pass for an alpha status. He carried himself as if he was a leader, more than what was pumping through his veins. Pratt was no better; except I knew that beta was all he could ever be. “What’s in it for you?”

His eyes narrowed slightly. “Everyone starts off not knowing each other real well, don’t they? I figured maybe it wouldn’t hurt to have a makeshift pack. Rogues don’t last long on their own, which is why I’m sure you two are running around together.” I shift uneasily, because he’s not wrong. When my father died, I had felt it. I had felt the loneliness of being without a pack, or at least someone. Rowan and I had stuck together ever since, but it wasn’t enough. I could feel the pull, the desperate need for more than what we had.

“And what? Are you supposed to be the head of it?” Rowan asked genuinely, and I held my scoff to myself as he smiled at her.

“Of course. And I take care of my own.” He reached his hand out. “Friends?”

We both hesitate, unsure of what to do in this situation. Both of them together is making me want to gag, their scents mingling and making me want to hurl. Maybe at one time, Pratt would’ve smelled more appealing to me, his pine undertone with a crisp scent I can’t pinpoint. But it’s not good enough, not anymore. I can feel myself looking down on him, despite him being a bit taller.

Rowan sighed, her hand grasping his. “Friends.” I follow suit, offering him, and him alone, a polite smile. This male is no threat to us, not showing a bit of interest like his partner. It’s easier to make friends with strangers who haven’t offended you.

“Word of the wise, ladies.” He said, holding up his pointer finger. “Stay clear of those mountains and that valley. Like I said, we’re not the only wolves around here. I have some land, an island in the center of the county. You’re more than welcome to stop by whenever you want.”

Adelaide calls to us, making Rowan and I jump out of our skins. The blonde eyes Dutch with a sickly-sweet smile, malice shining in her bright blues. I’m taken aback by it, knowing nothing but kindness from the woman. She motions us forward, beckoning us to join her and her family inside. We part ways with the males, eager for the escape, and Addie doesn’t follow us in until she sees them leave. She turns to us, lips pursed.

“Be careful, ladies. You’re better off in the Valley or Whitetails than to hang around him. Trust me, he’s not what he claims to be.”

  “So, we agree?” Rowan asked on our drive home. “That we keep our fucking heads down. I do my job at the springs, you do whatever. I heard of a deputy posting at the jail, wouldn’t hurt. But either way, we stay the fuck away from whatever is going down. Right?”

“Why don’t we just leave?” I ask, glancing at Rowan. “It’s been a week, and we’ve already stepped into a werewolf soap opera. I don’t know about you, but I could do without dramatics. Or that pup sniffing around.” I sneer.

Rowan scoffed. “Is this about the drama or the male?”

“Why can’t it be both?”

“I like it here.” Rowan admitted. “I think it’s pretty and it could do us some good. There’s an older wolf here that seems to mean well. And it wasn’t like we were running eager to Holland Valley or the Whitetails. Sure, we contemplated it, but we know the area better now.”

I frowned and I picked at the edge of my t-shirt. “What about that scent? The one I caught when we were driving through the valley?”

“It could’ve been a fluke, Wren. Maybe it’s best to stay in the Henbane, you know?” she sighed and glanced at me. “You wanna talk about what happened back there?”

I turned, looking out the window as I shrug. “I have no clue. I haven’t lost control like that in a long time. It just bothered me, you know? I felt like he wasn’t…good enough.”

“When hasn’t that been the case for either of us?” Rowan laughed.

“It was different this time.” I turned back to her; my brow furrowed. “I, my wolf, got offended, Rowan. In the worst possible way.”

Rowan frowned. “Wren, he didn’t really do anything…insulting. It’s a typical practice in our nature, especially with males.”

“I know. Ro, I think there’s something wrong with me.” I glance at my hands, the dark vine tattoos contrasting on my light skin. “I was so ready to rip this guy apart, to make him submit. I’ve never felt like that before, you know?”

“And you’re sure you don’t have alpha blood in you?” she joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Positive.” I sighed with a roll of my eyes. “Maybe…maybe I’m just stressed from the long drive and the change of moving, you know? I just need time to adjust.” I couldn’t tell who I was trying to convince more: Rowan or myself.

[adhd-tea]

Oh my god, I’ve written something again? YEP!

Here is, falling for you, a spencer reid fic with so many fucking parts dude its insane.

There was a smug look on her face as she sat in the grey and white room. Her hands sat relaxed as they were cuffed to the little bar. She’d been in there for three hours, but she knew exactly what she was doing. Letting her sit, stir give off any indication that she might be guilty. It was a profiler's job after all. She didn’t kill anyone, if that’s what you’re thinking, although the agents behind the two way glass might think differently. Her hair was messy, eyes were blood-shot and she was still in her skimpy pajamas. So she sat, and she waited, they’d be in there any minute now, and judging by her own personality, she guessed they’d bring in the ‘good cop’. And just as she thought a young, skinny guy came in and sat opposite her. “Hey, I’m Doctor Reid, I want to ask you a few questions, Miss…” She noticed that was her cue to talk “Abigail Town, but you knew that, so why lie Doc?” Abigail asked leaning forwards. “I’m the one asking questions” He murmured, he reached in the file he had and brought out three photos, all women, around the age of twenty all with their throats slit. Abigail gagged. “Oh my god...That’s, I was not expecting that” Reid raised his eyebrow “What were you expecting?” He asked curiously “I don’t know, like a gunshot to the head, not their throats slit, like jeez, warn a gal before you show her shit like that” The Doctor sighed and leaned back “Do you know these women?” She shook her head “I mean I probably passed them in the streets at some point but I’ve never talked to them” She explained still not looking directly at the photos incase she threw up “Well, then why don’t you tell me why we found your DNA at the crime scene and direct links all leading back to you” Abigail shrugged “I don’t know, you’re the FBI agent, why don’t you tell me” Reid picked up his files, leaving the photos, before heading out of the room.

Reid walked into the small room with JJ and Morgan. “Did you see how she reacted to the photos, she almost threw up” JJ nodded at Morgan, “Yeah, and look at her now, she’s avoiding the photos at all cost, she’s as pale as a ghost, I don’t think she’s the UnSub” They all sat in silence for a while. “If it’s not her, then who is it?” Spencer asked, Morgan sat up and walked into the room. “Listen kid, we know you didn’t do this, but if you know who did, then you have to tell us” Abigail looked up “C-can you take the photos away please? If I have to look at them any longer I think I’m gonna throw up” Morgan nodded and swiftly collected the photos. “Do you know anyone who could one, try to frame you, and two, kill people?” Abigail thought for a second but shook her head “No, I’m sorry I don’t” Morgan nodded and sighed “It’s okay kid, for your protection we’re gonna keep you at the BAU, if someone is trying to frame you then you could be in danger” Abigail nodded as the handcuffs were taken off of her, “Uh, do you think I could go to my apartment and change?”Morgan looked at her clothes and quickly nodded “Sure Miss Town” Abigail smiled “Please, call me Abi, it’s weird when people refer to me as my last name” Morgan laughed a little bit and opened the door. “Reid, take Abi to her apartment so she can get changed” Reid nodded and grabbed his jacket from his chair. 

The ride to Abi’s apartment was quiet, and long. She noticed the young Doctor glance at her countless times. “Want something Doc Oc?” Reid shook his head “N-no… Did you just refer to me as Doc Oc, as in Doctor Octopus?” Abi smiled and nodded “Ah, the genius knows something” Sencer smiled “How’d you know I was a genius?” Abi smiled “I didn’t, I just took a well educated guess based on how you look and you answered my question” Spencer looked dumbfounded, “I- How did you do that?” “Ah, a magician never reveals her secrets, this is my apartment by the way” Spencer stopped the car and the two unbuckled their seatbelts “I’ll be ten minutes” Spencer raised an eyebrow “You’re not going alone” Abi did a double take at him “I’m not?” She questioned “If someone really does wanna harm you, then I need to go in with you” Abi smirked “Trying to see me naked, Doctor Reid” The Doctor stuttered “N-no, I'm just doing my job” Abigail laughed “I know, I’m messing with you, come on” 

The two walked up the long winded stairs up to Abigail's apartment, in complete silence. “Okay” Spencer said as they reached the door “I’ll wait out here whilst you change '' Abigail nodded and unlocked the door. “Oh my god!” She screeched staring at the carcass of a cat pinned to her walls. “Abigail?! Are you oka- oh my god” Spencer shouted looking at the same thing that Abi was looking at “S-someone was in my apartment” She whispered in shock, spencer took his gun out of his holster “Abigail, stay here, don’t move” She nodded and watched as spencer walked around her apartment checking if anyone was in it. “It’s okay, you’re okay” A breath fell out of Abi “I think I’m gonna throw up” Without a word she ran to the bathroom, throwing up her breakfast that morning “Here” Spencer said passing a glass of water to her as she sat on the floor “I’ve called the team they’ll be here soon” Abi nodded and downed the glass of water “Thank you” She croaked “Can you, uh, get me some clothes, i think i'm gonna throw up if i stand up” Spencer nodded and hesitantly moved over to her drawers grabbing a shirt and leggings. “Here, I’ll leave you to get changed”

-------Spencers POV---------

I closed the door to the bathroom leaving Abigail to get changed, I hadn’t even noticed the smell of the dead cat before now. This girl, who was twenty two at most, had been falsely arrested, held for three hours, found out someone was trying to frame her, and then finally found the carcass of a dead cat on her wall. I work with serial killers and I still couldn’t bear the sight of the cat. I looked around her apartment for a while, I wasn't snooping, at least not fully. It's this brain of mine, I profile people without even realizing. Her apartment was messy, not messy enough that it's dirty though, more of an organised messy. You could probably ask her where something is and she'll find it. “Reid?” I heard Hotch’s name call out “In here, you might wanna bring in a vet or something” I saw Hotch physically gag at the sight of the cat. “Yeah, I think that's best, where is she?” I nodded my head towards the bathroom. “She’s getting changed after she threw up,” Hotch nodded and waved a few people in the apartment. “Morgans in the SUV downstairs, take her there when she comes out, keep her at the BAU” I nodded and walked back to the bathroom, knocking on the door gently, “Abigail, can I come in?” I asked as softly as I could, I heard a weak “Yeah” From the otherside of the door and opened the door slowly, “Can you stand?” I asked crouching besides her “I think so” I nodded and helped her up, walking her out of her apartment and down to the SUV. 

We arrived at the BAU and set her up in the smaller conference room. “Do you need anything, water? Food?” She shook her head and fiddled with her bracelet “No, I’m good, thanks though Doc” I smiled softly and walked out the door “My names Spencer by the way, figured that since we've already seen a dead cat today you might as well know my name” She laughed a little and looked up “Thank you, Spencer.” I smiled again and walked out the room. My name felt weird coming out of her mouth. When I first met her she was, tough, stern and definitely used humour as a coping mechanism but now, she seems more soft and fragile. “Is she okay?” JJ asked me, coming up to me. I sighed and shrugged “I’ll talk to her” I nodded at JJ and sat down at my desk.

------Abigail's POV-----

I sat on the small couch in the office and tried to control my breathing. I hadn’t believed it at first, when Morgan said that someone was out to get me I had practically laughed. But now, now it all seems too real, I’d never seen a dead body before, but within three hours of arriving at the BAU I’d seen so much I’m scared i can never go back to living a ‘normal life’

Spencer was nice. I kind of had him pegged for the nice type when he walked into the interrogation room, wasn’t expecting him to be this cute though. “Abigail, Hey im Jennifer Jareau, you can call me JJ. Can I ask you some questions?” I looked up and noticed a young blonde girl walk towards me “Yeah sure” I whispered, she smiled and took a seat opposite me. “Can you think of anyone, anyone at all that would want to harm you” I thought for a second and suddenly a name popped up in my head “Lydia Parker” I spoke breathlessly “She bullied me as a kid and when I left for college she killed a bird and left in on my doorstep.” JJ nodded and stood up leaving the room. 

It was quiet, too quiet for me. Spencer definitely doesn't need company, but I’m gonna go pester him anyway. “Hey” I smiled sitting on the edge of his desk “Hey, how are you feeling?” I shrugged “I feel like I’ve smoked a shit ton of weed and now I’m coming down from my high” He laughed and leaned forwards “Do you like reading?” I shrugged “I don’t really read to be honest” He looked offended to be quite frankly “You don’t read? Come with me” I found myself following the charming doctor through the halls of the BAU and towards the library “You have a library in here?” He smiled and nodded “Yep, everything from Rossi's autobiography to The Hungry Hungry Hippo” I laughed a little and followed him to the back of the library “Here” He said reaching up and grabbing a green book “I think you’ll like it, it’s about a girl who falls in love with someone on the other side of the world, I really enjoyed it” I smiled and flipped through the pages “Thank you Doc Oc” He laughed at the nickname and walked towards two plush chairs in the corner “What’re we doing?” I asked sitting down “According to numerous studies, the best way to calm down anxiety is through reading, and tea, but Garcia hogs the tea so we have none” I found myself laughing more with him. “Thank you, Spence” He smiled and pulled a book out of his bag and the both of us began reading our books.

[queenofcarrots]

Reylo Fanfiction Anthology Recs

I’ve been very slowly reading my way through Amid Secrets And Monsters: The 2019 Reylo Fanfiction Anthology. I like reading things that everyone else isn’t reading, so I organized the collection by number of hits and started from the end. I love everything I’ve read so far, so here’s a bit of my thoughts about what I’ve been reading. I’ll be adding to this post as I continue (slowly!) reading my way through it.

The Dark Crystal by erney007. A fantasy AU heavily inspired by the Dark Crystal (1982). (Rated M, 26,309 words)

Holy shit this is fun. It’s a retelling of the Dark Crystal movie with characters both from SW and DC, expertly interweaved with SW canon elements. I love both SW and DC and this was such a fun combination of the two. If you’re a fan of the Dark Crystal you should read this story.

Dust Devil by Orevet. Rey stayed on Jakku during the events of 'The Force Awakens', and it changed nothing and everything. Now she finds herself drawn to another desert planet, where Kylo Ren wanders. But the past that haunts him is no longer his own. He's not a monster. He's much worse. (Rated M, 12,339 words)

This was hard to read in parts but totally worth it. Kylo Ren is a kind of ghostly serial killer and Rey falls in with him. The Resistance is helping to track him down. It’s a canonverse AU and I loved noticing the past tweaks to the story that led things to the point where the story happens. There’s a critique of systematic racism that I appreciated too. This is dark and there is a major character death but I wouldn’t say the ending is unhappy, exactly. If you like/ don’t mind blood and you don’t require a HEA you should read this story.

the shadows are whispering (again) by thewayofthetrashcompactor (BriarLily). Rey watches the blue figures behind them a moment more before settling back against his chest, turning her face to soak up the last of the sun. "So you've always seen them?" she murmurs. He nods again. "As long as I can remember." (Rated M, 752 words, 1/3 chapters posted)

Only the first chapter so far, but this is a beautifully written scene between Ben and Rey, relaxing together on Naboo, and the Force ghosts show up. I’m looking forward to see what happens next, if they talk to the ghosts and what they might say. If you like beautifully written canonverse and Force ghosts, you should read this story.

The Weight of a Soul by Ceallaigh. “If he is condemned, then his soul shall be cast into oblivion,” the Mother answered. “It will cease to be. Oblivion is beyond the veil that the Force encompasses. His soul would be consumed by nothingness, and Ben Solo would exist on neither the mortal plane or the World Beyond.” (NR, 10,426 words)

Ben is reformed, but not forgiven. I really enjoyed this thoughtful story about what it means to be redeemed, reformed, and forgiven, and how love can be a part of that process. This is, at its core, a love story. If you like redeemed Ben and a loving, supportive Reylo you should read this story.

La Llorona by commandercrouton. “Back in the old days when the west was still wild, and this state was part of Mexico, this small town used to be an even smaller village. And in that small village lived a beautiful woman. Some say her name was Maria, some say her name was Reina – named for a queen – but the truth of the matter is no one really knows her name. What matters is her beauty, and the curse that came along with it,” Maz begins, settling into her chair comfortably before continuing.

“The folklore will tell you she waited until she found someone to match her beauty and help her gain riches. I don’t think that’s true. History is never kind to women. Back then, women were at the mercy of their fathers or husbands. I’m sure her father waited until someone with pockets lined with gold made him an offer he couldn’t refuse and sold her off.”

Rey shivers at the particular set of words. She knew all too well what it was like to be sold off to someone. Digging her nails into her palms, she forces herself to focus on the rest of the story. (Rated M, 6,023 words)

This story was a treat! Ben and Rey are spending the summer researching regional folk ghosts for an online publication (she believes, he doesn’t) and in this case they find what they are looking for. Reylo is established but new, and through this experience (which is pretty creepy!) they get to know each other better. I love how the author worked in their canon childhoods and made them relevant to the ghost. If you like creepy ghosts but want a HEA you should read this story.

Don't Cry Mercy by below_the_starry_clusters_bright. Rey Jackson has always had the power to soothe agitated minds. When Father Luke Sykwalker visits her at Sister Maz's Home for Girls, Rey assumes the disturbed nephew he speaks of just needs a calming word or two. By the time she realizes that something more sinister is at play within Ben Solo's mind, the demonic entity Kylo Ren has set his sights on her. (Rated T, 13,084 words)

Oh gosh I enjoyed this - I like the darker ones, I guess. Kylo Ren is a demon who possesses Ben Solo, and Luke brings Rey to him in an attempt to help him. Let’s say it doesn’t go as planned. I love this, the author did a very good job of resetting the canon events around Ben’s turning to Kylo in a 1920s orphanage / insane asylum story. The ending isn’t happy but there’s potential for a continuation. Even without a continuation, if you like demon stories, scary darkness, and you don’t need a happy ending,  you should read this story.

linger in the doorway (of my field of paper flowers) by bittersnake. She can't tell if she got the better deal or not. Foolish. Did you truly want to waste away in this sand-ridden hell? a voice whispers, low and soft. No, she thinks, but it would be a familiar hell, at least. (Rated M, 3,562 words)

I really enjoyed this one, too - I am into eldritch, weird stuff, and this story delivers. Rey returns to Jakku to meet someone, and there is a new garden growing there. Who is growing it and why? This is the perfect combination of beautiful description and creepiness, and if you like that kind of thing you should read this story.

I’ll be adding to this as I read more! 

@reylofanfictionanthology, @nancylovesreylo, @commandercrouton, @erney007, @mnemehoshiko

[byjove-cannibalcove]

Hannibal AU for @pragnificent​

will is called in to find the person responsible for the murder of roughly 15 people over the course of a single weekend up in new jersey The killings were really brutal, and disproportionately targeted a home where a party had been taking place, as well as a single police officer who had arrived to check in on them preliminary assumption is that it was a large group of people, possibly an occult ritual slaying of some kind, especially because it happened on friday the thirteenth and the teenagers had been having a scary movie watching party for some reason so anyways they get up there and are looking at the carnage and trying to figure out how the hell most of these murders were even pulled off, since it includes things like 'cut a head from someones shoulders' and 'a 6'4" football player was thrown onto a spike' and shit like that naturally they look into it and find out that there has been large scale killings in this general area every ten years or so for 30 years or so that the first one was the only one where the killer was caught (a little old woman, motivations unknown) and that while there is usually at least 1 survivor of each attack the survivor is in all cases driven too insane by the events to accurately describe anything that had happened (though for what its worth they, for the most part, do not tell cohesive stories, so you cant listen to them anyways) so anyways will is out here trying to get a vibe, get a feel for the person that did this, trying to understand why he targeted these people hes fifuring out shit like 'yeah this cop was a serial abuser' and 'a lot of these teenagers show evidence of having been having a lot of sex and underage drinking and drug use beforehand, all of which appears consentual' that the kids with records of wrong doing and bad reputations were killed most violently, that those that seem like good kids were mostly killed quickly and pretty painlessly and wills preliminary feelings are 'this killer was... driven... but not calculated... almost childish.. ' this leads team science to be like 'okay so like a fellow teenager?' and then argue like 'only if they are a GIANT teenager, we are talkign 6'5" based on some of these swings" and wills like no no not a teenager, like, an actual child, think Home Alone, a child with no concept of torture but who just wants to make the bad people go away, who feels like hes defending his home which leads the group to be like 'okay potentially a giant disabled person, cant be too many of those secreted away in the area' wills going out to sit by the lake days later and thinking how beautiful it is, how peaceful, serene, like you could just float out into the water here and stare at the moon and never look away he finds a used condom in the reeds by the dick, curls his nose in disgust, imagining them fucking in the water, or on the dock, how vulgar it would be there are homes along this lake, not here exactly but visible in the distance at the far other end. this is a big long lake with many nice little divots like this one, so many people live along it and have never been hurt, many families, lots of vacation homes. the only families that were ever killed on this lake usually lived there for a decade, more, before it happened, kids that were raised in those homes only killed during a party when they were vulgar when they disrespected the lake disrespected nature ruined it with their noise and their wild parties, drug use just the sort of thing a little old lady in 1979 might find worthy of death, might be driven mad by it takes a while but eventually they will dig up the information of the little old lady having had a disabled  son, jason, who drowned in the lake a few years before Mrs vorhees went on her rampage, the information that he had drowned while attending a summer camp, while the teenagers on duty werent watching him hes long dead btu will latches onto it, that it fits perfectly, they tell him hes losing it will starts channeling mrs vorhees, wandering around the lake, whispering to her boy, cleaning up trash he finds on the lake shore mrs vorhees was by all accounts an incredibly kind woman, a bit of a radical even, very environmental, a bit of a hippie, kind to strangers, lover of children, cherished and adored her disabled son, wouldve loved this lake and the clean air, the beautiful nights would have wanted the lake to be clean, to stay quiet will spends all night cleaning the lake for no reason at all other than an odd compulsion to see at least one small section of it be as nice as it would have looked to Mrs vorhees eyes how she would have taught it to her son, to cherish that will is sort of losing his mind, snapping at everyone, he hates loud noise and drinking right now, doesnt like how careless it makes everyone, is avoiding drinking himself for now at least but the clarity hurts, he is staying up at night in dirty hotel rooms and wishing he was outside under the clear sky, he buys a tent and puts it up down by the lake, in the area he cleaned he knows he shouldnt, there is a killer on the loose in the area, but will knows he isnt what the killer is looking for in the night he sees a shadow go over his tent, thinks he hears the crunch of a boot in the leaves, he holds his breath, cant move he sees a knife cutting through the fabric and tenses but when he looks again the tent is fine he realizes hes sleep paralyzed and sits up suddenly in burst of motion, throws open the tent flap, stumbles into the clearing its empty the lake reflects the white face of the moon at him. their eyes meet and it is beautiful he returns to the hotel room with the sunrise and as he climbs the stairs the phone in his pocket rings, the door to his room is wide open, jack stands inside with the phone to his ear he sees the tent under wills bag he thinks will is losing it, it is insane to camp by the lake when there is a killer on the loose there will doesnt have an excuse jack tells him that they found the cemetary that jason was buried in (very difficult because records from the time are so fucking spotty and it was a tiny family cemetary for a family that no longer exists) and that he was clearly marked as a drowning victem, dead at age 10, so no, its not mrs vorhees son, and there are no relatives, so scrap that, they are back to square one jack orders will to go home and talk to hannibal because being here is not very helpful right now if hes gonna do crazy shit like camp next to the murder lake will talks to hannibal about it, with as much honesty as possible, and how certain he is that its jason hannibal convinces jack to exume jason. there is no living family to protest and it will settle will enough to get will back on track and stop focusing on it. jack agrees in a very irritated way they go to do it (jack team science will and hannibal as well, as support for will) and... yeah there is no casket in that spot. empty grave. a marker and nothing else. holy shit somethign something something eventually they manage to link shit up like 'okay maybe it was jason that killed the second camp full of counselors in training-- the person was described as a  teenager, small in stature with a bag to hide their face. the killer in the 3rd instance was a grown man who slaughtered a fuckton of people over the course of a FEW days, and then was killed by a small child who fucked his head up so much that there was nothign identifiable left, not even teeth, so no one ever knew their identity, it literally might have been jason, it totally could have been a huge disabled man living in the woods  and no one ever knew about it ((we are gonna pretend 'jason lives' didnt happen)) anyways its basically decided that 'yeah it literally might have been jason vorhees, growing up alone in the woods, who committed most of those murders... but hes dead now so this is a new killer' and its a very frustrating thing because jack is like 'cool we just answered some cold case files btu we still dont know wtd happened last weekend' and will is like NO I SWEAR IT STILL FEELS LIKE THE SAME GUY And is trying to claim that 'maybe the person that was killed by the kid was someone else'   'an accomplice?'    'no no this person-- jason-- he is entirely alone. only the memory of his mother. only her touch guiding his hands, only her words in his ears, he cant listen to anyone else, he cant... he cant collaborate' and hannibal sits with him out on the lake, lets will row out in a boat with him Will imagines Mrs Vorhees, feels the way she must have felt, looking out at this beautiful lake, the one that nearly her son from her, beautiful and calm and tranquil, while the teenagers behind her loudly partied, drank, didnt have a care in the world, and his teeth bare at the idea, and he hates them too, hates the way they would look at her son if they knew he was alive Hannibal, sitting across and watching him, tells will thatthe lake is beautiful ((of course hes looking at will rather than the water haha)) will tells him its deep and cold will looks deep into the water and sees the drowning boy. blinks to wash the image away. blinks again. again. "Hannibal??" hannibal asks what will sees will jumps in the water reaches for child jason snags the hand of an adult dragging him down its beautiful here one blue eyes looks into his, startlingly clear hannibals arms snag will around the middle and pull him back to the boat jason lets go without fuss ((he just wanted to touch wills hand, will who for a few moments had looked, to jason, like his mother)) back at shore will tells hannibal this, and he is shakign and shivering and frightened of the lake and of himself, because he must really be fucknig losing it asks for comfirmation that hannibal didnt see anyone in the lake hannibal does not give will that confirmation he asks if will is seeing ghosts will says its more like spirits "a lake spirit, then?" its such a silly thought but somehow will ends up out at the lake the next night, hannibal at his side. hannibal has dressed down, a warm cream sweater over his dress shirt for the late october chill, will in flannel, and they set up wills tent and clean the area around their campsite meticulously. hannibal warms food he brought from home over the fire and will fishes, cleans and guts his catch, the knife catching the white face of the moon as it flicks over the scales in the dark night will stands, jus tinside the circle of light by the fire, and channels mrs vorhees "Jason... jaaaasonnn" nothing he thinks hannibal will laugh at him, but he doesnt he concentrates more on the image in his mind, the kindly smile she wore in the photos he saw of her, the fierce protective instinct that lay behind those eyes, the fact that jason is out here, alone, confused, scared, and he feels protective of him too "Jason.. come here" a tiny intake of breathe behind him, and wills blinks his eyes open and Jason stands before him. not a child. a man. Tall. huge. a giant he is wet, the only sound he makes the slow dripping of lake water from his clothes onto the ground below. his clothes are ragged and encrusted with leaves and dirt. his face is covered by a battered hockey mask. the skin beneath it is grey the image is a terrifying one, the stuff of nightmares but he isnt a monster he is wills son will holds out his arms "Jason, come here" jason is still for a time, tilting his head only slightly as he tries to work out what will is, who he is but he comes slowly he is so much larger that will, but he kneels, down on one knee, looking up at will one blue eye shining, searching wills face for something will wraps his arms around him "My special boy" jason shudders and melts into the hug, mask pressed to wills stomach the machete drops to the ground, huge hands press to wills back, so gently, like will is made of glass, something too precious to jason to risk hurting will tells him that he knows he was scared, was confused, was lost and alone for so so long that he thought he had to be that way but he doesnt that he can come home with will he doesnt have to stay here anymore, he doesnt have to wait Jason makes a sound, the first sound he has made so far, a small, a tiny little sob, and his shoulder loosen, like a great weight has left his shoulders he seems to shrink in wills arms, and for a moment will is holding a child and then his arms are empty but not cold there is a warmth in him, something between his lungs, love, peace, hope, life in a way he has never before experienced it will wants to cry but it feels more like happy tears he holds them at bay, sniffles once, wipes his eyes with sleeves filthy with lake water arms wrap around him from behind, and it is hannibal again, pulling at him, and will turns, melts into hannibals hug, lets himself cry they dont stay the night at the lake, they pack up their campsite, put out the flames, walk through the darkness to the car, will being led behind hannibal by the hand like a child, too shaky and full to do it himself later, in therapy, they talk about it, briefly, and agree that jason is somewhere better now, that the killings will stop, that they dont need to tell jack about this, that jason was a special boy, a good boy who loved his mother very much, that maybe they are together now, somewhere and when will looks out at the moon from his porch that night, he feels a presence just behind him, a warm, protective presence, who is looking up at the moon with him, and he knows its true

[snugglyporos]

Okay ya’ll I have to rant for a good minute about the Fate series because my stupid autistic brain has been hyper focusing on it for the past four hours and I need to put these thoughts down or I’ll never get rid of them. 

I’m so... disappointed? frustrated? mad? Idk what I think. It’s all of these things to see such a great idea executed so awfully. So lazily. So incompetently. 

Because I can’t help constantly engaging with it and going ‘you know, this would be really good if they just did x.’ There’s so many monumental moments of stupidity that I can’t help but go ‘wow that’s dumb as hell.’

There’s a rule in fiction where the larger the stakes are, the more complex and unwieldy it gets, because it effects more things. That’s why usually the best fiction involves low stakes overall, or personal stakes, because you don’t need to then consider the cosmological complications of your story. Having a story that involves magic, time travel, secret organizations, multiple illuminati organizations on top of those, and countless other bullshit does not make for a coherent or compelling story. 

I’ve said before that one thing I hate is the idea of a ‘world organization.’ It’s lazy as hell. If Russia and China couldn’t get along when they were both communist, the idea that the entire world with all its varying ideologies and ethnic groups could be run by one group of people is nonsense. People can barely coexist with others like themselves. Furthermore, in our age of nationalism, the idea that say, China would have their top brass subserviant to western illumiati is stupid. It’s also stupid in the reverse. The idea that all of ANYTHING is ruled by one group of people is stupid and it makes you look lazy to write things like that.

Second, trying to put your story in the ‘real world’ or any image of it while claiming that all the world’s mages belong to one organization while ‘the church’ that runs all religions exists is stupid. It defies belief. It also wouldn’t be an issue if they weren’t dead set on trying to explain how this goes on in the ‘real world’. 

Also, apparently time travel exists. Also, all of human history was erased. Yet somehow they go back in time, and summon people from the future. You know, going back to a time that doesn’t exist, and summoning people from the future who haven’t been born yet, who also don’t exist. Time travel is ALWAYS stupid. It’s ALWAYS bad. Always. Because the core notions and questions that it brings up immediately reveal why it is stupid. Let’s say you sent one person back in time. If you witnessed it, and didn’t go with them, you should now not exist. Why? Because the act of something being somewhere that it wasn’t before creates a paradox. The only way it doesn’t is if the world you lived in is the same world where they went back in time, and that raises questions about fate and free will, and most authors simply aren’t interested in getting that metaphysical, and as such render their stories incredibly stupid. 

But! Let’s try, for the sake of arguement, to put aside all this nonsense. Does the core idea of the story make sense? Are there clear, defined rules? No! Nothing makes any goddamn sense. Apparently, magic exists, but then there are magic circuts, which aren’t explained. The rules about everything is not explained and is frequently contradicted. Example. Who can be summoned, and how? Sometimes, it’s anyone. Sometimes, it’s different versions of someone. Sometimes, it requires a piece attached to that someone. Sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes, where the person is summoned changes how powerful they are, and sometimes it doesn’t.

But they can’t even get their basic shit right. Example: is Dracula a vampire or is he not? Because the series can’t decide if it wants to allow people from history OR people from fiction to be summoned, it can’t decide if someone like Vlad III is undead or not. Are you going with the version of history where he was an insane, murderous, nationalistic king? Or are you going with the version from the story of Dracula, a work of fiction? You can’t have it both ways!

Here’s another example: can you summon gods or not? Heracles is summoned, and Heracles is a god. He was literally made into a god at the end of his own story. Even if you go ‘well, the version that people can summon is his non-god self from before the end’ he is still a demigod. Which means that you’re now getting into weird territory where it’s unclear who and what counts as someone who can be summoned.

But then you get into having to think about all the weird historical revisionism that the series plays with. Look, historical fiction can be fine. What I don’t understand is the series’ weird fixation with turning some of histories worst individuals into anime girls. You could certainly, for example, make a version of King Arthur where all the sexes are switched. Granted, a whole lot of the story wouldn’t work, because characters like Morgan Le Fay and Mordred no longer work in their story roles anymore. But you could, theoretically do it. 

What I don’t get is why the series says, ‘you know who we should depict as a kind and gentle anime babe? Nero.” You know, the Nero who kicked his pregnant wife to death, castrated a man and forced him to marry him, put on plays that people were forced to attend and then executed anyone who yawned or sneezed during his performances, and who built a private lake where the Colosseum now is, put a floating house on it, and had the ceiling have an accurate replica of the starry night sky using precious gems, only to then remark that ‘now I can live like a human being.’ Yeah, that Nero. Clearly, this just screams that we need to depict them as being a kind and gentle ruler, and not say, an unstable psychopath who sees himself as a literal god walking upon the earth. 

But that’s not even their worst offence. They turn Elizabeth Bathory into a pop idol. You know, one of histories worst serial killers? The person who had innocent women murdered and then bathed in their blood? Yes, clearly that is someone we should portray as an innocent girl. 

And it’s not like history is lacking in great women who did fantastic things. There are scores of heroines to choose from if you want to use them. You don’t need to pick serial killers and sex change the most insane emperors.

But even some of the ones they do pick don’t make sense. Why the fuck is Marie Antoinette considered a ‘heroic spirit?’ If we go by her in popular myth, she’s best known for something she didn’t say, which is ‘let them eat cake.’ Why the fuck did that mean ‘let’s make her someone who is entirely misunderstood and loves the peasants?’ Also, why a ‘rider’ and choose her for that because of her being pulled in a cart to her execution? The fuck?

It beggars belief. It utterly confounds the mind. It’s lazy, and its shoddy. Almost as shoddy as the notion of ‘classes’ which makes no sense and apparently has a heirarchy, which itself makes no sense if the whole point of having people fight is to decide something. Having people fight where someone gets an innately better class at random makes no sense. Hell, having classes at all makes no sense. Having it be okay for the things you summon to kill those who summoned them to win makes no sense, because if all you needed to do was kill each other, you don’t need heroes to do that! 

Hell, the fact that they’re fighting over the ‘holy grail’ and that it was made in japan is nonsense already. The holy grail is literally arthurian legend. I know japan gets a pass for this shit, but I don’t know why. Everyone rolls their eyes when they say that ancient egyptians look exactly like modern day japanese people, but apparently it’s also okay that they just straight up steal something from arthurian legend as a premise... and then entirely botch that premise or understanding anything ABOUT it. 

Here’s an idea. If you’re going to use the holy grail as your plot device, you know the thing Jesus drank out of at the last supper, maybe don’t then say that people can just make them all over the place? That’d be like if in the last crusade, all of the cups that Indiana Jones found were all capable of being the holy grail. It’s stupid.

Why is it so hard to just do something simple? You don’t need to overcomplicate this shit. Grab some characters who each want a thing they can’t have, have them be represented by some great hero, have them fight for that thing, and you’re done! You don’t need to bring time travel, the illuminati, nonsense magical rules, and metaphysical shit into this! 

Again, maybe the creators have no desire to do anything other than try and see how many awful historical people they can put boobs on. It’s starting to remind me of that book that went around a few years back where someone drew history’s greatest murderers as anime babes, so you could see guys like Stalin, Hitler, and Pol Pot as big tiddy anime girls. Why? Idk. 

But if the series wants to do that, if all it wants to do is wallow around in its own shit, it’s taking way too much time and effort trying to make up stupid nonsense. It’s just so frustrating and disappointing to see an idea with such promise be farted away by people who clearly do not give a shit about what they’re making in the slightest. It’s a damn shame.