#shes not real and doesnt feel real but shes like :) when she lost her Mom status when she has nothing else

[idkwhatever580]

I threw it away

Masterlist<< I mostly write Natasha romanoff but if you have a request I’ll be happy to write Regina.

Pairings: Regina George x reader

Prompt: weight had never been a tricky thing for y/n. Until she started dating Regina.

Warnings: bad relationships with food/weight

A/N: idk I wanted to write something like this to show that an ED or a relationship with weight can change even when you’re older and not just at girlhood i guess? Just remember that you are so perfect and loved.

Y/n’s pov

I started dating Regina during the summer between our junior and senior year.

I used to be friends with Janis. That is until I found out what she did to Regina.

I don’t care if a girl is your mortal enemy. You don’t mess around with her biggest insecurities. Even if it’s what she flaunts the most.

Especially not weight. Those Kalteen bars were horrible of janis to do.

I slowly just got “busier” over time. And I eventually just stopped talking to Janis all together. I didn’t want to surround myself with that energy.

So after Regina got hit by that bus I started visiting her and trying to make it up to her.

It might not have happened if I just told her what they did.

But then again, we might not have started dating. So back to now.

I basically have been living at Regina’s place. I spend the night a lot, but if I go home then Gina is always picking me up when I can go.

My parents don’t care much. They say that I’m allowed to live my life. Thank goodness they’re laid back. Of course not as much as Mrs George but they believe that as long as I’m not getting drunk, high, or pregnant then I’m good.

I’m in Gina’s room and she gets up and says

“I’m going to the bathroom.”

I get up to go with her.

“Okay!”

She’s like the black cat and I’m like the golden retriever. But we work really well together.

She walks in and does her business and then after she washes her hands and all, she decides to head over to the scale.

I’ve never used it. But she uses it all the time.

She breaks me out of my thoughts when she thinks out loud

“Yes! Back down to my ideal 120 pounds” (about 54 kilograms?)

I frown. I’ve never heard her say her weight before. And I say

“Congrats baby! Was that from all the kalteen bars?”

She nods her head and says

“I finally worked all the weight off”

I smile and kiss her and say

“That’s great. Why don’t you go tell your mom?”

She shrugs and says

“Eh. It doesnt matter. I’m gonna go back to the room okay?”

I nod my head and say

“I’m gonna pee”

She doesn’t stay since I’m a bit pee shy still so when she leaves I quickly run to the scale and check my weight.

Definitely not Regina’s ideal weight.

Suddenly I feel this rush of guilt fall over me. I walk back to her bed and crawl in with her. As she scrolls through her phone, I get lost in my thoughts.

If Regina tells me I’m perfect the way I am then why would she lie? Obviously she wants to be a certain weight. And if it’s her ideal weight then she clearly wants me to be that way too. I need to lose more weight. Maybe I’ll start a diet. That’s good. I’ll start a diet and just won’t tell Gina until I hit her desired weight and then she’ll think I’m perfect for real.

“What’s on your mind?”

I snap out of it and shake my head

“Nothing! Just watching videos over your shoulder”

She squints at me and says

“Alright. You know if you need anything you can tell me right?”

I nod my head.

Then all of a sudden Mrs George comes into the room and says

“Hey girls! I just wanted to let you know that I made my world famous cookies and they’re cooling in the kitchen right now if you wanted to grab them while they’re warm.”

I smile and Regina gets up so I follow.

She grabs one and says

“Aren’t you gonna eat one?”

I shake my head and say

“I’m not hungry.”

She hums and says

“But you love my mom’s cookies. You always eat a few”

I just now realized how much I eat of those and get slightly flustered so I say

“I’m just not hungry right now”

She nods her head and eats her cookie.

They do smell heavenly. But I must stay strong.

We head back upstairs after Gina finishes her cookie and I go on my phone to look up good diet routines. I find a decent one to start with.

If I don’t like it then I’ll do another one.

So I text my mom and ask her if she can get a few things the next time she goes to the store and she agrees.

Then I turn around and yawn.

“Y/n are you sleepy?”

I nod my head and she says

“Take a nap baby. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

I smile and let my eyes flutter closed and Regina whispers into my ear

“My perfect girl”

I smile at her even though it’s fake. I don’t feel perfect anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been a few weeks on this diet and it’s hard. It’s hard for me to reject a bunch of the foods I love.

Thankfully Mrs George also makes some keto versions of her food every now and then so I can eat those.

I have a routine now. Every time I go to the bathroom I check my weight right after. I check my weight in the mornings and in the evenings. But only at Regina’s house since I am here all the time.

We’re watching tv on her bed and I say

“I gotta pee. I’ll be right back”

Gina nods and says

“Kk”

I do my business and wash my hands. But it isn’t until I go to where her scale is that I find it’s not there.

I look around the room and I don’t see it anywhere.

“Gina?”

I say loud enough for her to hear me.

“Yeah?”

Once I know I have her attention I say

“Where’s the scale?”

“Oh.. I threw it away”

After she says that I walk quickly to the room and say

“What?! What do you mean you threw it away?”

She shrugs as always and says

“I threw it away”

“Why would you do that? I need to see my weight.”

She gets up and comes to me and says

“I threw it away because I noticed that you’ve been doing this thing where you check your weight all the time.”

“Well you check yours all the time too!”

For some reason this is like a huge deal to me. I just want to be perfect for her. She grabs my hand and sits me down and says

“I know. I realized how bad that can be for my mental health. So I decided that I was going to lose the weight from those nasty kalteen bars and then start fresh. I, of course, have been having a healthy balance between my food intake. But it’s not a huge deal if I lose weight or gain weight. As long as I’m healthy.”

I look at her and say

“Oh. That’s nice.”

She nods her head and continues

“I noticed that once I stopped, you started. And I didn’t want that for you. You have never had to worry about your weight before because it was never a bad thing in your house. Most girls would call you lucky. And I don’t want you to start thinking bad about yourself now”

I frown and say

“But you said the ideal weight is 120?” (54)

She sighs and says

“I said that wrong. I wanted to get back to my baseline and start taking care of myself properly. The only reason I lost that weight in the first place was because I didn’t want to feel like Janis had that hold on my body anymore. If I was gonna gain weight it was going to be for myself. And because of myself. Not for anyone else and not because of anyone else.”

I nod my head in understanding and she puts one of her hands on my cheek and the other on my waist and says

“I’m sorry you ever felt less than perfect because of a stupid slip up I made. Your body is literally so beautiful.”

I doubt her until she says things that most people think are ugly

“From your beautiful stretch marks. Right down to the cellulite in your legs. It’s all beautiful. Perfect. And honestly. You’re so healthy. You work out. You’re strong. You have a good balance with food. Well, you did before you started whatever diet thing you have going on. And you are literally like a puzzle piece for me. The way we can cuddle perfectly. I love your soft tummy because I can nap on it and be so comfortable. I love your ass and tits because they make great handles for… sexy times…”

I giggle and she continues.

“I love how each and every scar and divot and bump and mark on your body tells a story. It makes you, you. And I would change that for the world. So I threw the scale away. If I’m starting new. Then you are too.”

I sigh as I get a fluttery feeling in my heart and stomach and I hug her. I finally say

“Thank you. Thank you so much”

She shakes her head and says

“No thank you. You’re the one who convinced me I’m perfect the way I am. And now it’s my turn to do the same.”

I pull away and she says

“Why don’t we go downstairs. I think my mom is making us a snack”

I smile and nod my head.

We head downstairs and Mrs George is making snickerdoodles and I smell the air and say

“It smells delicious!”

She smiles and says

“I made some keto ones for your diet y/n!”

She pulls out one singular cookie that was set apart from the others and I say

“Oh. No thanks. I’m not gonna diet anymore. My body is perfect the way it is.”

She smiles and nods her head affirming that and then hands each of us a cookie that is still warm and soft from the oven.

I hum when I take the first bite and Gina does it at the same time as me so we end up giggling from it.

This time. I eat two cookies and Gina does the same.

Then Gina asks

“Mom? What did you do with that other cookie?”

She turns around and says

“Oh! I threw it in the trash.”

Gina nods and turns to me. I smile at her and say

“Slay”

We love a good parallel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: I hope y’all liked it! It’s my first time writing Regina George. But I’m thinking of writing a prequel to this and doing how Janis and y/n had their fall out. And when y/n started being friends with Regina. Let me know what y’all think!

Taglist

@ilovesnat @ihartnat @marvelnatasha12346 @moistblobfish

[rigginsstreet]

years later when theyve moved far away from hawkins, have been together for a couple decades, married or something close to it, settled in their life, steve getting a call from nancy that her moms died, theres gonna be a funeral. doesnt formally invite steve but its heavily implied he's welcomed to come.

and of course steves gonna go. he's stayed close with nancy all these years and he knows she has jonathan and mike and holly and her own family to lean on but theyre friends so... not going doesnt even feel like an option

and its kind of just assumed billy will go with him back to hawkins, to the funeral as his plus one. because theres not a whole lot they dont do together and they certainly havent traveled without each other, so when billy tells him its a hard no on that one, steve doesnt get it.

steve still doesnt get it when billy gets an attitude whenever steve starts talking about how sad it is for nancy that she's lost her mom, how "at least karen went peacefully", when he keeps pushing how he wants billy to go with him and "fine you dont have to go to the funeral but just come to hawkins with me for a little getaway"

and its not until steves pushing for billy to go again, muttering about how hes an asshole under his breath when billys getting all pissy and steve says something along the lines of "i seem to recall a few rumors back in the day about you being real friendly with her so i dont understand this stick up your butt all of a sudden!"

its meant to be a joke, kind of. a little bitchy, a little teasing, but he definitely wasnt expecting for billy to go off like a bomb, laying out in black and white just exactly what was going on with him and karen back in the day. how its taken billy years and years of therapy to unpack all that shit and realize how fucking gross it was and how a grown adult woman was using him to fill some void in her marriage and how he was so desperate for someone to notice him, to like him, that he didnt think twice when the moms around town would fawn after him, a teenager. a kid. and when he thinks back on that time now it just leaves him feeling dirty so, no, he does not want to be around people mourning karen wheeler and what a great wife and mother she was. sorry for nancys loss or whatever but he's gonna pass.

and now that that particular secret has come to light, steve doesnt really feel like being there either. calls up nancy and makes up an excuse that he cant get any time out of work and he's so so sorry about it, but he'll try visiting hawkins when he can to make up for it.

the flight to indiana is already booked but steve calls up and changes it to any other place that he can, doesnt matter. adds on another ticket for billy. while everyone from hawkins is at the funeral theyre locked away in a hotel room forgetting about it all. billy healing in his own way.

[dasketcherz]

Please spread your Beckory Agenda (hc’s) with us🌸💕🌸💕🌸💕🌸

∆ they totally help/copy each other with their school homework

∆ gregory loves to give tony (& his other friends) drawings as a form of friendly art gifts, and tony kept every single one of it safe in a folder or when he really loves it so much he hangs it up in his own bedroom

∆ gregory doesnt like being touched unprompted, especially by strangers. But whenever he's the one who initiates physical contact, it means he's showing signs of beginning to trust having you around

∆ ^^^ with that said, he developed the tendency to play around with Tony's hand. Poking his palms, playfully intertwining their fingers together, clasping them together as a way of innocently stimming that way, a sign of being very comfortable around him. Tony didn't mind it, he grew to like that habit with greg too

∆ ^^^ greg has smaller hands than tony's. So it was extra cozy when they held hands (even platonically before their relationship became more than friends)

∆ greg loves building a fort, he finds joy in making a cozy tent where he and his best friend(s) can just get lost in their little world together

∆ when tony's sleepovers at greg's became more and more reoccurring, it has become very noticeable to the point his mom and grandma also takes notice. When he's bout to ask his mom, there came a point she just cuts him off with "yes yes you can stay at Greg's tonight, just make sure to text me when you're there okay?" and his grandma chimes in "say hello to Greg for me!" and even started insisting tony bring home made cooking of hers when he goes to his best friend's place. They essentially became a lil extended family through the relationship the kids have as very close friends

∆ tony is the only one in the friend group that calls gregory "greg"—Cassie calls him by his full name while Ellis tends to call him anything else but his real name lmao

Gregory was caught off guard the first time it slipped Tony's mouth, during a situation where he needed some comfort on top of that, so the cute lil nickname felt sorta special to him

∆ greg is very sweet and nice around his friends. so you can imagine the look of surprise in tony's face when he saw the feisty side of greg when bullies try to mess with him or his friends. Just when he thought greg was a pretty cool kid already—he thinks strongly of it being true after that. They make each other feel safe for having one another's back

∆ tony begins to develop the tendency of being lowkey a mom friend around greg. As much as capable greg is on his own, tony observed that he still tends to forget about lookin after himself when he gets busy lookin after others, so he's the one to do that for greg. (this becomes such a prominent behavior after overcoming and healing from the GGY incident for both of them)

Like lending him his coat when the lil guy forgets to bring his in a cold weather outside (happens a lot, to the point tony's coat(s) gets mixed up with greg's clothes when he forgets to return it back), or tony packin extra cuz he just have the feelin greg is bound to forget to bring his lol, greg appreciates it a lot tho—tony eventually earned the title of "my knight and shining armor" from greg cuz of the countless times he's been a life saver for him

[moralorelconfessionsrebornn]

moraltons if they had a pregnancy 

clay: “this lustguard thing is a scam!!” no he's actually so broken up about it. men getting pregnant? that goes against man like 100x fold. he gets it secretly aborted in sinsville, but he can't help reflect on his momma and all her lost children. (its also 100% danielles) 

bloberta: she is unasumed at this point. doesnt really care who the dad is, it's all the same rigamarole she's been through. she ends up just keeping and having it again, and pawning it off on clay. she's been soley detached from her body and doesn't care. she does infact flirt with mr. potterswheel mid contractions though. any excuse to have another man touching her nether regions. 

danielle: he is thrilled. he has to keep quiet about it. is excited, because he'd never think he'd have the opportunity to have any. (not a huge fan of kids, but has a soft spot as a gym coach. and as an uncle who never got to interact with his nephew properly.) becomes detached from religion as he considers his pregnancy as an act independent from any religion. keeps fit and blends in with the yoga moms and just “the gay guy who's also here.” really hopes it's a boy.

censordoll: at first she doesn't believe it. she's paralyzed with this information and doesn't even humor the idea. but as her pregnancy goes on, and she can feel the baby/she swells and get nausea/cravings, she breaks. she has a whole meltdown over it, her entire life a slave to this one concept of never being able to bear children, and now suddenly some act of God has gifted her one? is this even an act of God? is this just some trick of her faith? A fake pregnancy designed to make her question her faith and belief in the Lord? she is too hysterical about it, and ends up just playing with her clit while thinking about pregnancy in her own home. deep down she is Really excited to bear a child, and keeps a strict healthy protein exclusive diet to keep the baby healthy. she also toys around with insertion of eggs and pretends to birth them. while rubbing her tummy and cooing. 

putty: similar to censordoll as he sincerely considers it a test to his faith. but as time goes on and he gets actively more noticably pregnant, he can't help but feel Violated by the Lord. he cancels some of his sermons and just lays in bed. he feels so dissociated from real life, he doesn't even have the drive to jerk off or indulge in any kind of sexual urges. he feels devoid of them. all his morals feel like oxymorons that contrast each other. no man shall fall pregnant, getting an abortion is against the Lord's will. he doesn't know what to do. he ends up just drinking himself half to death in his office, and the next day he wakes up with a large blood stain in-between his legs. he knows what this means, and even with how molested, and dirty and wrong he felt. he can't help but mourn his dead baby. he can only confide in stephanie. who he cries into for weeks, before slowly returning to sermons. claiming a nasty stomach bug in June.

stephanie: she is honestly excited. similar to danielle this was never a thing she could've considered with her sexuality. and she did feel very maternal when it came to people like Orel, so it wasn't like she Didn't want to be a mom. she just knows she'll struggle. with people in moralton questioning who the father is, and not taking “nobody” for an answer. she doesn't want her sexuality questioned, but she's honestly just excited to have a new stepping stone in her life. she knows she'll have some support from the church , at least her father in the endeavor. she takes it's very casually. censordoll does infact protest her sex shop (againx(xyz)) from her newfound pregnancy intermixing with her taboo job. but she doesn't listen. just cares for her sweet baby. secretly wishes it was a boy. sometimes putty comes over and cooks/cleans for her when her energy is low. 

papermouth: retardedly thinks is alien, shoots stomach then dies. 

nurse bendy: she feels panicked at first. with a school nurses salary and her last pregnancy concepted from rape. she's not sure what to do or feel. she actually talks about it with danielle And Joe. danielle claims that he's happy for her, even if she feels violated. and claims that if “Mary had a miracle baby, anyone can.” (he really only says this to sate her panic, as he really thinks it's from principal fakey nefarious activities. but this does comfort her). Joe claims “who'd want some stupid baby brother BLEHH.” but nurse bendy just finds this cute, imagining her son getting all jealous and affection needy after she gives birth. it all sets off her motherly feelings that she never got to live out, so she ends up keeping it full term. she takes the time to play house and teach Joe how to be a good big brother. here Joe grows up a little as he learns to help out his mid pregnant mom. with little tasks like, taking out the trash and cooking. miss secondoponionson is also around to lend a hand. knitting little baby hats and cleaning up after bendy.

sculptham: abortion number 2 baybe. actually represses this even harder. she doesn't like the implication that she might've been raped again, even if it was a magical pregnancy. her anxiety is just spike 200% more. 

fakey: claims his wife cheated on him in his delusional haze. throws her out again. 

figurelli: yay! another child to put to work in the family! everyone in the figurelli household lends a hand in his pregnancy.. has weird pica pregnancy cravings for cat litter.

Creepler : absolutely Over Joyed. doesn't have to chase around little boys when he can just.. have his own! as his bump gets bigger he only gets hornier with the influx of new hormones. has a socially acceptable reason for people to touch him now ; begs doughy to touch his baby bump.

This is rlly interesting is this the cockvore anon again???

[anarchyatthesupermarket]

HI i am having Thoughts about your necromancy au and i need to talk about it. i was trying to convince my sister to read it so that i could have someone to talk to about it. but then i realised. yknow who definitly also has Thoughts about YOUR necromancy au? you. feel free to delete this ask i just wanted to ramble(about the later chapters specifically)

Call this my toxic trait buttt I dont think Rae did anything wrong in raising his mom from the dead. LIKE why the fuck shouldnt he?? His mom(and grandpas) didnt deserve to die, why the fuck should he let them, when he HAS the power to bring them back?? like??? Also not Momboo being a massive bitch telling Isla her son deserved to die. LIKE GIRL. i know you have issues but that is NOT how you talk to a grieving mother. ABSOLUTELY DESPICABALE behaviour. ALSO im pissed off at Fenris, Caspian and Aax. Like not them confirming Rae's worst fears when he actually tells them about Momboo and sends HIM away. and blah blah blah its their magic reacting badly but they dont even TRY to sympathise with him. Als.o like Fenris you are literally dating another necromancer. You cannot give Rae shit for being a necromancer without then applying that to your BOYFRIEND???

ALSO funny how when Rae raised HIMSELF from the dead, taht didn't trigger their magic or whtv, but when he was revived by Momboo it DID. 🤔🤔🤔🤔 (I dont think this will go anywhere but. thats beside the point.) Actually wait no maybe im onto somethign here. Maybe its because momboo fucked him up while reviving him!! maybe she did this on purpose!!! wait no i think im wrong. whateverrrr im being silly 😋

i cant wait to see how other characters react to Rae's new situation. I think(hope) that Athena and Jamie will still eb on his side.... actually maybe not. But i will hope.

At least Rae has Isla, even though everyone thikns hes a monster(THE EPIC PARALLELS ARE REAL) at least his plan didnt fail and his mom;s alive. slight consolation.

If i was Isla i would be HOSTILE to the afformentioned people (Fen,cas,aax momboo) if the situation gets resovled and doesnt end with Rae's eternal death. Hell id be hostile the entire fucking time. I want to see ISla kick someones shit for Rae because how DARE they call her son a monster for saving HER. do you think that would cause her guilt though? since she kinda maybe sorta ruined her sons life? that he ruined his own life to bring her back?

OKAAY ANYWAY thats most of my thoughts. can you tell that Rae is my favourite character no matter the universe? Can you also tell how unwell i am about this au? i think about it..frequently.... again feel free to delete this i just needed to share my thoughts ad feelings with SOMEONE

I also have so many thoughts about my necromancy au, it's just rotating in the back of my brain 24/7. I'm really hoping this all makes sense.

I agree with you, there's very little reason that Rae shouldn't bring his family back and Momboo's reaction (while coming from a place of trauma and fear) was unreasonable. However, I raise this to you, Rae is dead, he can not age or die. At this moment with how it stands he is going to watch Isla grow old and die, if he brings Raemond and Everett back the same thing will happen. He brought Isla back and he's going to loose her again and why would he be any better at processing his grief. Necromancy can not stop old age.

As for what happened with Momboo bringing Rae back and then Aax/Fenris's magic reacting badly to that, I have so many thoughts about it bc it's also how I imagine magic working in this au. I'm going to try to make this make sense.

I imagine that everyone's magic inside them is like a well, you can take water out of it (to perform magic) and more water will flow in to replace that lost water. You can deepen the well to increase how much water can be taken out of it without it running dry (strengthening your magic) however, if you try to deepen the well too quickly then parts of it might cave in (think exercising without warming up leads to hurting yourself, you try to perform too much magic that you're not ready for and you get weaker because you pushed yourself too far). The thing is is that you don't want your well to collapse or run dry. Rae bringing back Isla caused both to happen. When Momboo brought him back she just refilled his well with water so he could rebuild his well (bring himself back to life because Rae relies completely on his magic to live, other people can survive their well of magic being emptied but he can't). Because of that there was life magic in a well meant for necromancy, it was like dumping a bucket of muddy water into a mountain spring, and it will take days for Rae's magic to replenish and wash out the life magic. Fenris and Aax sensed the life magic in him (magic that wasn't supposed to be there, magic that was wrong for who Rae is) and it set alarms bell off in their heads because that's Rae's body but that's not Rae's magic that's reanimated his corpse. That's what Len's magic and reanimating the hordes felt like, that was a necromancer's magic filling bodies not meant for that form of magic.

The same thing didn't happen when Isla or Centross were brought back because they are both necromancers and so is Rae. That is necromancy magic filling wells meant for necromancy. I don't think Momboo felt as much "wrongness" with bringing Caspian back either because of a combination of Caspian not having magic and Momboo being a life witch.

Rae being called not human is a correct statement because he's dead, he's a corpse that's walking around. He's an abomination/unnatural because he's "living" off of magic that is nothing like his own.

Rae is an abomination, he is a monster. He is both Len (the traitor, the monster, the original sin) and the hordes (the horror, the grief, the terror) that marched on cities. He is a reanimated corpse with the singular goal of bringing his family back no matter the cost.

This is not because of what type of necromancer he is (because there are types, I just haven't been able to talk about them yet), he brought Centross and Isla back with both of their desires being completely separate from his own. He has no control over them. His situation is a bit more like Len and the horde which Len has/had complete and utter control over. Rae didn't have enough magic to bring himself back to life completely (hence the no heartbeat/breathing/just being alive) but he did have enough magic to bring himself back as one of the "mindless undead" which have singular goals according to the necromancer who raised them, his goal being bringing his family back. He's not being rushed into doing that/given the illusion of free will because his "soul" inhabits his body since it was reanimated. Think of it like Rae's soul/ghost is possessing his body, if that helps, but ghosts usually are formed with some goal in mind like revenge, in Rae's case that goal is simply bringing his family back.

Anyways, I could keep talking about this but I feel like I'm making less and less sense as I go on. I'm always happy to answer asks about this series bc I am unwell about it. I hope this made sense and I'm glad you're enjoying the series!!

[wiihtigo]

whats the deal with hoostergold. i love casey i want to know why she hates booster gold and why shes right. i mean . misguided.

writing this assuming you dont know anything about booster gold from dc comics LOL

so casey started working for booster as his personal assistant in his peak IDGAF era (that stretch of time when he wasnt doing much in comics around after the jli disbanded and superbuddies time..before ted kord died and he got his new zest for life. i mean suicide)

casey just left home freshly 18 with big dreams of making it in the glamourous city of metropolis. even though casey doesnt really care that much about superheroes, at this point she did find booster inspiring as a celebrity in the way that he was a cheat and a hack when he got his start but still made a name for himself anyways (and honestly wasnt immune from a little being dazzled by The booster gold) and she thought since "Hey no ones heard from booster gold in a minute since the justice league exploded" he would be an easy (semi-easy. easier than superman at least) (she probably tried. got nowhere) target for walking up to and asking for a job. and her luck was maxxed out that day because she did just show up at his house and ask for a job and he was like Lol why not. she had it in her head she'd fix his career and get his name back in the spotlight and in turn, booster would help her break into the acting scene with his hero celeb connections

she worked for him for a long time and then BOOM ted kord got shot in the head and as that wound was freshly opened he was in a peak state of whats the fucking point of anything i dont care i dont care so he fired casey, because honestly he was just paying her to be an errand boy at that point anyways/to be nice and casey took it extremely well

casey during her employment for booster was giving 100% of herself to give him anything he didnt know he wanted (even though he didnt really want anything and was content to chill by the poolside all hours of the day). her investment in boosters life was always wayyyyyyy more than booster even cared about what he was having for dinner that night. he always just kind of humored her/thought it was handy to have her around if he needed someoen to find the remote he lost somewhere in his living room. but she was literally on the mission of her life, shes the type to work crazy overtime because she thinks her boss will notice her and be so appreciative she'll get rewarded (stupid) and all her work will be worth it in the end when shes living like he is. but then shes suddenly fired and instead of just getting a new job and accepting Sometimes Life Sucks (or the horrifying thought SHE may have made the mistake of betting it all on this guy who can barely remember her name half the time because hes too busy watching wheel or fortune 24/7) shes like I have to fucking kill this BLONDE DEMON

the thing about that is shes like blind with rage that he wasted her prime youth (18-most of her 20s) and for the first time in her stupid delusional life she experiences soul crushing doubt in her lifes direction and the clear path she set out for herself. caseys mom had her when she was 16 and never hid the fact she never wanted kids (never wanted casey) and she resents the fact she had to drop out of school and get a job she hates to support them and casey sees her mom being this talented but utterly defeated and depressed alcoholic woman in her 40s and feels a mixture of Well i wont go and do that im built different and IM FUCKING SCARED which is what leads her to moving to a whole new huge city by herself no friends no education just in the cheap dingy apartment barking

so with all that baggage and hope and dreams in that big head of hers the real only option was murder

[twinkle-art]

im curious since Andromeda has terminal haunted by mom thoughts behavior and a weirdoes connection to Emet selch, what's her thoughts/relationship to hydaelyn/venat? cuz she kind of comes out the gate swinging and just straight up calls the player character her child in early visions. I suppose its equally likely hydaelyn was just too vague for a while for her to have very concrete feelings about it, and perhaps a more traditionally maternal style doesnt resonate enough to be very affecting, but im curious as to how she felt about All That

ohhhh this question is so fun i’m so tickled to know you’ve been paying attention like that 

so the short version is a little of column A, a little of column B– the truly overwhelming aura of maternal love that hydaelyn exudes unsurprisingly hit her like a goddamn truck, but perhaps not how you might expect. 

circa. ARR, when she was first given the title of Hydaelyn’s Little Superstar, she was very lost in the sauce of an uncomplicated Narrative of Heroism. as she does not come from a place where hydaelyn is even recognized as god, she was mostly caught up in the excitement of being chosen by a divine entity that she wasn’t even fully convinced was real, like, a week earlier. like, i think she would’ve thought of being referred to as Her child as something closer to set dressing, the sort of thing an all-powerful goddess is supposed to say, rather than something hydaelyn genuinely means and feels, let alone something she can actually internalize.

(a brief aside, thinking about this made me suddenly realize that in the absence of hydaelyn as an uncontested presence in the god-rejecting society she grew up in, the closest cultural equivalent would then be……. solus zos galvus. i will be unpacking the profoundly deranged implications of this parallel another time.)

however, you’re completely correct to hone in on the fact that hydaelyn’s maternal love being, like, what maternal love is actually supposed to be would throw andromeda, who’s never really had that modeled for her, for a loop. the slow, dawning realization that that’s how it’s supposed to feel would creep up slowly, without fanfare, only really crescendoing during endwalker

her time with venat was odd for her, in that it left her feeling deeply, deeply sad for reasons she struggled to articulate. perhaps this is a very revealing comparison to make, but i can really only liken it to the feeling of observing a closely-knit and happy family that you aren’t a part of and feeling an odd sense of loss that you didn’t get to have what they do. as a person, rather than a distant, inhuman entity, it was suddenly undeniable how genuine venat’s unfathomably deep love for the world, and her by extension, was, and i think it would probably make her heart ache to know that such a thing could exist, or that maternal love could come without the baggage she knows it to, and that she had had such a thing all along and not known it until right before she had to let it go

because everything is a part of my grand scheme (<- lie) i do love how this ties in very nicely with her relationships to both her real mom (lucretia) and her fake evil not-mom (emet), in that going into endwalker’s climax where she needs to finally see herself for who she truly is rather than simply The Hero, a huge part of her growing up is also seeing her parent as a full person with interiority as well. stripping the veneer of straightforwardness from how she understands and interacts with all three of these characters at more or less concurrent points in her arc simply feels right <3

[unlimitedhorsepower]

i wish this was spoilers for t&b2 2nd cour but its not. i just wish yuri adopted lara because her mother sucks. i think yuri would be a great dad despite him probably not believing he can be an explicitly positive influence on anyones life...

i think yuri would uniquely understand lara because theyve experienced some similar things in their lives (awful parents & accidental manslaughter in self-defense)

this is just an AU but huge spoiler warning for t&b 2nd cour happenings under the cut where i explain this AU in more detail (seriously dont read unless you already saw the 2nd cour):

again if you clicked the readmore open on accident, implied and explicitly stated huge massive spoilers for t&b2 2nd cour just below this text.

-

first of all, did i cry while drawing this? yeah. dude i am not coping....

anyways i cant get over the fact that lara killed a villain in self-defense and on accident in the 1st cour and it wasnt brought up again, she was just fine about it. plus im seething that her mother “cared about lara for real actually”, or so i understood and i dont feel like rewatching that. i dont have any sympathy for her mom...

i think the only person who could possibly know half of it and also understand lara is yuri, in regards to awful parenting and killing someone as a child in self-defense both.

yuri definitely has looked up laras information and is at least peripherally aware of her mothers circumstances, etc, we know for a fact yuri keeps up-to-date on classified information on the heroes, and just in the 1st cour he was effortlessly holding a law class for children.

i think laras mother couldve given her an ultimatum on how she is her mother and legally lara cant really do anything without a guardian- shes 14, so i dont think she can be a hero without her parents approval, and realistically paolin couldnt whisk lara away from her legal guardian no matter how much she wanted to help.

given an ultimatum from laras mother, i think paolin shouldve definitely tried to whisk lara away in the childish sense of “lets run out of here now, i dont have time to think it through but i dont want to let your horrible mother take you to a different city to put you through all of this again because i care about you”.

its not realistic, of course, and i think paolin would be aware enough of it and also retroactive enough to seek help she can think of: agnes and yuri, who are her superiors and the first authority figures she can think of since the heroes are more familiar to her

i do want to think the heroes would have some sort of legislature considering child heroes, that while imperfect (obviously, since why do child heroes exist in the first place...) are in some ways effective in protecting the rights of underage heroes, including something that makes sure theyre not manipulated in their position or somesuch.

i think the legislature would allow the judicial bureau to immediately restrict the activities of a hero if applicable and place them under alternative guardianship and for the reasons of yuri ending up as laras guardian, include something that the guardianship can be immediately transferred if a suitable guardian is found (has to be a higher-up or somesuch to begin with maybe)

its just for plot reasonings, though, and similarly i think laras mother would realize where paolin mustve taken lara and follow the two girls.

i think yuri couldve lost his mother shortly before this, but in any case, agnes isnt evil but she really doesnt feel like someone who wants to take care of a child. in a moment of weakness and his sense of justice and personal trauma, i think yuri would sign the motion and when questioned who the guardian may be, he just says its him.

i like to think he wouldnt have let laras mother take her, not after any hurried explanation from paolin and just laras body language around her mother...

which yuri regrets immediately afterwards mostly because he doesnt see himself suitable to take care of anyone any longer, even if his mothers death doesnt have anything to do with him etc.

lara would definitely think yuri is scary and intimidating, and he can be very stoic, but hes not cruel at all. lara could hug him without permission and scare herself, especially with how she got tears and snot all over his suit. yuri would be surprised by a hug but only because he doesnt know how to deal with positive things happening to him, and the rest of it is quite alright.

as it turns out, hes actually very kind and very mindful of laras feelings, whereas lara has never been in a position where she has felt free to express herself in any negative manner without being reprimanded and controlled by her mother.

yuri is also undeniably a foil to kotetsu in many ways, and to have him assume a parental role with a child would be very fitting. in contrast to kotetsus mother and bother supporting him freely and kaede being his biological child, yuri is inadvertently making his own family after fully losing it (in more ways than one, by having terrible experiences and quite literally his parents dying) by growing very fond of lara.

and i think kotetsus career in heroism has led to him at times neglect kaede, especially when she didnt know about his hero identity (despite his best efforts, because hes been so busy). yuri, however, would be such a wonderful parental figure in every way in a relatively effortless way, even if he may appear distant at times- he would just be worried about lara.

but i think lara would grow to trust him quickly, because he doesnt raise his voice nor punish her, and hes very gentle despite his meticulous demeanor.

yuri getting enrichment in his cage of sorrows because somehow, due to this, hes breaking the cycles that have kept him captive his entire life. he becomes gentler with himself because of lara talking about her feelings to him and he has to accept that if it was not a sin for lara to have killed in self-defense, perhaps he can truly forgive himself for his original sin.

i think lara couldve been cleared fit for herowork again, but yuri sees her hesitancy and asks her whats wrong, and lara would trust him enough to dare to eventually admit that she doesnt want yuri to abandon her because she cant be useful as a hero anymore, but that she doesnt even want to be a hero.

her heroism was her mothers dream, and after what happened to her and accidental manslaughter, she doesnt want anything to do with hero work on the field anymore.

it wouldve been refreshing to have someone who just doesnt want to be a hero anymore, for very understandable reasons. yuri wouldnt have been angry with her, he wouldve told her that she doesnt have to be a hero if she doesnt want to. she doesnt have to be anything... and what she experienced on the field was undeniably frightening, even without her mother having pushed her into the hero career.

and anyways, at that point, lara could just say she wishes yuri was her dad and cause yuri enter such an emotional turmoil he doesnt know what to do with himself but in a way thats somehow positive.

he would have his own reservations about it, but like, thats something hed solve by himself instead of dumping it on lara.

paolin wouldnt have been disappointed in lara either, and whereas laras mother things you have to pick between things, paolin wouldve respected laras wishes and assured her that of course theyll be best buddies forever, even if she ends up getting a new buddy hero partner. she doesnt have to choose between friends, she can be friends with multiple people at once.

i think lara couldve just become yuris daughter. yuris ties are as garish as they have always been, but theyre so cutesy now because he lets lara pick them. he has ties with hearts and flowers and stars and licensed cartoon characters. all of his private folders are now marked with cute stickers in addition to the meticulous numbering system he uses.

lara couldve been part of the whole message of “you can still be a hero even if you dont have X power or do X things”, because even if her NEXT ability is powerful, she just doesnt have the will to be a superhero. instead she would be free to choose her own path and i think she still wouldve wanted to help people some way: maybe she wouldve gotten interested in yuris career as a judge and study hard so that she could be just like him.

t&b really hasnt had anyone who has just given up on heroism,and sometimes “giving up” is the kindest thing you can do to yourself... and i just feel if theres someone else who would benefit seeing “giving up” as something positive, its yuri. because hes so strict with himself.

it wouldve been lovely to see him gain some more substance in his life and for him to see that even if he doesnt feel that way, he can be kind and gentle and a positive influence on someones life, because hes not an awful person...

like my status if you cried lol (yeah im fucking crying btw)

anyway if anyone else thinks this concept is cute and doodles something or whatever i would LOVE to see it and would love if you could tag me in that stuff... or hearing your opinions

well thats it... if you read this far youre a fucking trooper but thanks for doing so. accepting thoughts and prayers in these trying times (said through gritted teeth)

[oncominggstorm]

Im autistic & adhd. Also have undiagnosed physical health issues which been acting up lately. Really not doing well, need help. Currently in shutdown, include verbal shutdown. And struggling type, forgive grammar plz. Need help & support, but is none. Don’t know what do. Everything feel impossible. Long vent under cut.

Want run away, somewhere no one can find. Somewhere quiet & alone, with internet & tv so can watch comfort shows, play comfort games, etc. But will turn off phone, or get new number, or just block all family except younger sister on everything, or something, idk. Want comfy bed & comfy chairs & good temperature control & good food, and just quiet & solitude. Preferably somewhere out in nature. Let everyone figure out their own shit without me. Can’t do this anymore. ONLY things keeping me from doing are younger sister & lack of money. Mom & twin sister need figure shit out on own, can’t handle anymore. Can’t do.

Dont have a job or any money at all, literally only have $5 (and well over $20k in credit card debt, in collections). Am in autistic burnout & have been for nearly 3 years now. Had quit job in May cuz burnout so bad. But still expected take care of entire family.

Live with dad & twin sister (will call twin). Dad extremely NT & able bodied, dont understand me/twin at all. Knows nothing about autism/adhd & unwilling to learn. Pays bills & does chores so that is helpful, but not willing do any other support. Doesn’t believe in mental health.

Mom & younger sister (will call younger) live with grandma. Younger is 12 yrs younger, i basically raised. Feel almost more like parent than sister. Also is best friend & person i care most about in world, would die for her. Hate seeing her suffer. Twin & younger both also autistic & adhd, and neither have job. Grandma has moderate (bordering on advanced) dementia & need 24/7 supervision & support. Younger currently has busted knee, on crutches & really struggling & lot of pain. Mom refusing to believe is as bad as is, thinks younger is exaggerating, barely helping her. Ive been having drive over nearly daily to help. Mom had multiple strokes 2 years ago, still has both cognitive & physical challenges as result, & just lost job. Mom almost deffo undiagnosed autistic/adhd but refuses to believe. Doesnt believe younger is either (she still undiagnosed, me & twin formal diagnosed recently). Mom never great person, but got much worse after strokes, is mean & bordering on verbally abusive to us (and is DEFFO verbal abusive to grandma). Also has horrible memory & cognitive issues, doesnt understand things correctly, half of what she says doesn’t make sense, makes helping her hard.

Twin sick rn, lots of stomach issue & pain. Found out few months ago has enlarged spleen, but no answer yet, cant see specialist til Dec. Twin also has medical anxiety, so hard to know for sure what is real & what isnt. Every day twin ask me for MULTIPLE favors; get things for her, do things for her, etc. Also get MULTIPLE txts every day complaining about not feeling well, yet she refuse go doctors. Counted once a few days ago: in 11 hour period, asked for 7 favors & texted 13 times about pain.

Even when not sick tho, twin basically never help. Feels like she think I “less disabled” than her, not true. I doing horribly and still have take care everyone else while she sits on couch play video games & ask me to bring her things. No one ever bring ME things. Twin NEVER return favor no matter how bad I do/how well she do. One sided only.

Today twin ask for SO MANY THINGS, CONSTANTLY. Doesnt seem to care that I not doing well either & just CANNOT handle, keeps asking anyway. I tell her how bad am doing & immediately she ask for more favors. Won’t shut up about how sick she is (feeling very “wrong” w/stomach issues, has enlarged spleen but don’t know why yet & is worried that is cause), and says she is NOT OK, and that something is VERY wrong & she is worried she is dying, but also won’t get her ass to ER. Also expect /ME/ take her AND go in with, if decides go. Told her has to ask mom or dad first. Now just won’t go, and instead just keep complain to me about how bad doing & keep asking for help with stuff.

On top of that, am constant worried about all shit mom needs to do: get grandma house in her name so can keep (rn bank gets when grandma dies due to 2nd mortgage or something idk, which will make mom & younger homeless), get grandma car in her name (mom hasnt had own car in like 6+ yrs, just uses gma’s), figure out her unemployment (applied but no check yet cuz needs submit weekly proof of job applications & doesnt know how), get guardianship for grandma (mom never even got power of attorney, and is too late now cuz grandma cant understand to sign, so rn we just stuck cuz grandma not capable make decisions, but legally we cant make for her either), update her resume, get help for grandma, etc. Most of it fall to me. Mom kind of person who just WILL NOT do things, no matter how much help u give (ex: was trying get her accommodations for her job after strokes so wouldnt lose job. Explained process multiple times, both verbally & in writing. Figured out who she needed contact for help & wrote out email for her, ALL she had do was copy & paste & send email. Didnt do it. Now fired cuz couldnt keep up w/out accommodations). Mom also no longer even ask for help, just tells us we are doing. Ex: said to me “I’m going to come over tomorrow so you can help me do my job searches for unemployment.” Just tells me I’m doing it, not even ask. Sick of it. Grandma have dementia, at point where cannot even shower or wash hands, we have no support at all, doing everything ourselves. ADRC says only way to get grandma help is to put lien on her house & sell to pay off when she dies, but mom & younger live with grandma so that would make them homeless once she dies. Says we can’t even get occasional respite care unless give up house, let alone regular in home care.

Just can’t handle anymore. Feel like am being broke into thousand pieces, or crushed by thousand lb weights. Feel stuck. Feel like no choices, no good options, no way out. Want run away. Want take younger & her cat & find cabin in woods somewhere & just go run away from everything/everyone else. But can’t, no money. Feel so stuck. No help. No support. Don’t know what do.

[trickstarbrave]

what do you mean by ""reylo dynamic""??

okay. first thing to understand is when i say "reylo dynamic" in a ship or pairing or style of writing romance it isnt unique to reylo. a lot of popular fandoms have some variation of "the reylo dynamic" its just reylo has popularized and kind of mass marketed what used to be a niche fandom ship dynamic so its what i call it as shorthand

The Reylo Dynamic™ usually has specific traits (note: it does not need to have all of these, just a significant amount). canon characterization does not matter either, all it comes down to is the fandom portrayal of the ship by and large (think dramoine and kacchako). the only hardline one is this:

>spunky female character (usually protag of the story) who is at least a little combative with the male lead, and a male lead who is otherwise grumpy/brooding/mysterious

for the common traits:

>female lead is usually brown haired, shorter, with emphasis on being petite and small. idk why even reylo stories they do this even tho daisy ridley isnt that short???

>male lead is usually dark haired and typically described as "unconventionally attractive" exactly

>female lead usually has to prove herself or feels like she has to prove herself. like. as a big thing. it can be one big moment or her constantly feeling like shes being condescended to for some perceived weakness (like: being a woman, being small, not knowing how to control magic powers, whatever). important thing to note is she will often not get over this until like the very end of the story if ever

>usually bc this dynamic can be hard to accommodate for and write around (bc the two romantic leads DONT WANT TO BE AROUND EACH OTHER) there is usually some kind of plot contrivance keeping them together. fated lovers, soul mates, class project, you name it. i feel this is usually a cop out bc i spend most of the plots feeling like they should just fuck and get it over with

>there is almost always miscommunication. and the annoying kind. every time i have tried to suffer thru a story with The Reylo Dynamic™ in novel format i find myself annoyed. bc i dont believe most of the time this is a real, normal, very human break down of communication. i constantly feel like one of them is being an unreasonable or frankly stupid brat in the situation purely for the sake of plot convenience. do you know how dumb it is to see a woman who has lost her job, her only friend, her boyfriend, and her mom get told by some hot guy "hey due to circumstances outside of ur control that i dont blame u for we have to get married also im rich and will take care of ur every need and im not asking for romance i just need magic powers back of mine that u technically have and if u dont marry me they'll also go out of control and kill you" and the woman. is mad and pissy abt it and deliberately makes problems for him. bitch u were at rock bottom and this guy is offering u free rent and food and answers to all the questions you had since chapter 1. and ur mad abt it. theres no moral objections she has to him she's just annoyed bc????????????? i guess she is being asked to do something????????? bc she doesnt wanna look weak?????????? bc shes cranky??????????????? i dont know. id cut her some slack to start with but she just keeps deliberately antagonizing him until they fuck. i gave up reading it was a slog

>lots of bickering and jabs at the other. depending on the rating of the story this will only be resolved with hatefucking. even then it usually wont fully be resolved. while i am a fan of hatefucking there is smth abt how much of a slog it is to watch it in the reylo dynamic bc of the next point:

>usually the author never commits to them having a real, genuine, non-imagined reason to being combative with each other or hating each other, NOR having a real, genuine, non-imagined reason to be together and make it work and be happy. they live in this limbo between dislike. a constant "will they wont they" but instead of the will they or wont they in question being hooking up its instead if they will break up or not. it's like watching a very incompatible couple refuse to work things out by talking and sorting through their own issues AND refusing to just break up and see other ppl more compatible. id rather there be genuine dislike or even hatred they have to sort thru and actually make progress in. dont half ass making a guy horrible. give me a reason why the mc hates him. or if it is imagined by the mc, show the mc processing it properly and working thru it and having proper character growth. but they dont bc the bickering is part of the appeal and making one or both of them genuinely bad ppl breaks the fantasy. or smth.

[hermanunworthy]

!DNDADS S2 EP34 SPOILERS!

here are my thoughts on the new episode!!! this time im actually writing them out in real time. ive been so so excited for this one

- no normal fact damn. thats okay though will i support

- oh god are they doing this w their comedy personas.

- IM SO NERVOUS FOR THIS STRANGER I CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW SHES FEELING ABOUT THIS LMAO

- i love how tori didnt even get an introduction to scam it was just like oh yeah theres a guy here named scam likely

- LINK JUST SHOWING GARFIELD ON HIS PHONE lincoln li wilson bless ur soul

- somehow the audio quality of link being on a microphone extra loud makes this so funny

- istg the moment hermie has a line im gonna scream and jump up and down

- ANTHONYS IN FUCKING JOKER MAKEUP????

- THE COMPLETE SILENCE AFTER THE PLANES JOKE.

- i literally forgot that disney movies have anime remakes now in dndads i was so confused for a sec WAIT TORI DOESNT KNOW THIS OMFG IMAGINE HER CONFUSION

- WAS NOT EXPECTING THE SUDDEN TAYLOR ANGST HE WAS SCARED ABOUT HIS MOM DYING AS A KID??? ARE U JOKING??

- honestly though i think taylor opening up like this through comedy makes sense

- link is so supportive of taylor awwww

- BETH MAY PREPARING MISOGYNISTIC JOKES WHILE EXPECTING TO PERFORM FOR A MAN HELPP

- NORMAL IS LAST OH GOD

- OH GOD HES TRAUMADUMPING TOO

- i think its so funny and ironic how scary is the only one who doesnt drop lore about her family in her set

- OHHHH MY GOD THE CHAPARRAL ROAST. OH YEAH. I LOVE THE DIRECTION WILLS GOING W THIS (NORMAL DOESNT GET MAD HE GETS EVEN)

- HERMIE SAID A SINGLE WORD I REPEAT HE GOT ONE WORD IN FOLKS

- WILL IS SO GOOD AT THIS. GOD

- HERMIEEEE

- THE WAY MY FACE FUCKING FELL WHEN HE STARTED DIRECTLY ROASTING HERMIE. OH NO

- "im sensitive about that :[" MY LITTLE GUYYYYY NO

- NOOOOO NORMAL WHAT ARE U DOING THIS IS SO MEAANN THIS IS TOO FAR

- HERMIE IS CRYING???? OMFG NO

- NORMAL TOLD HERMIE HE LIKES HIM!!!!!

- will campos is carrying this entire episode

- GOTHCLEATS????

- IM LESS THAN HALFWAY THROUGH THE EPISODE AND I AM ALREADY LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND

- hermies up now i am so fucking scared. this episode is NOT going the direction i thought it would omfg (not complaining at all im just in shock)

- *applauds hermie along w tori* (I CANT BELIEVE ANTHONY IS DOING THIS W JOKER MAKEUP)

- HE JUST HAS DC JOKES.

- thanks for the existential crisis/aging/suicide jokes hermie i really needed that on my bday 😅😅 /s

- IS HERMIE OKAY????? THERE WAS SM TO UNPACK THERE. I CANT DO THIS

- "im saying were all thinking about how i would be better off dead" IM KILLING MYSELFFFF

- nobody hmu ever again /j i am never going to stop thinking about the fact that hermie is canonically suicidal

- TORI SCORED LINCOLN HIGHER THAN TAYLOR LMAO

- HERMIE LOST.

- i had to take a big ol break just to process that shit. fuck. this is somehow making me even more insane hermie brained wtf

- HERMIE IS TELLING THEM TO JUST KILL SCAM???

- THE FACT THAT I JUST DID A DRAWING OF SCAM AND HERMIE WHOLESOME FATHER SON BONDING BEFORE THIS EPISODE. GOD

- "u dont like me, u idiot" 😦

- MY FUCKINGGGFG FACE RN. I. I

- NORMAL IS TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE WTF

- IM LITERALLYYY GETTINF OAKWORTHY CONFESSION SCENE. ON MY BDAY.

- HERMIE DIDNT DO IT FOR HIS SCHOOL???

- HE. HE. HE DID ALL OF THIS FOR HIS DAD. HES LITERALLY JUST LIKE ME FR.

- WHAT THE ACTUAL FUUUUCK. OAKWORTHY NATION. WE ARENT REALLY WINNING BUT HOLY FUCKING SHIT

- THIS IS LIKE WHEN GLENN WAS SAYING THE ONLY THING LEFT FOR HIM IS TO KILL HIS DAD THIS IS SO UPSETTING

- ANTHONY ASKING IF NORMAL ACTUALLY GENUINELY LIKES HERMIE. I CANT DO THIS

- GUYS WE GOT AN ANCHOR BREAKING W LOVE BC OF OAKWORTHY. JUST LIKE WE WANTED

- will campos really holding on strong for us. normal is gonna fix hermie if its the last thing he does ig

- THE BABY AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SEASON WAS STEWIE????

- THERES STILL LIKE ANOTHER HALF HOUR LEFT I FEEL SICK

- NICKYS BACK i wasnt expecting him this episode yippee

- THEYRE IN SPACE. AND HERMIE IS THERE. THIS IS THE PERFECT EPISODE FOR ME

- im being so serious guys when i say i think this may be my fave episode of the whole season so far it is boggling my mind and smashing my heart to pieces and im loving it

- "u can be polygamous in space" there are so many good lines this episode

- I LOVE HOW EXCITED BETH IS ABOUT THE TELEBANGLE

- i also love whenever freddie talks about sciencey mathy stuff that i dont understand

- ARE THEY SERIOUSLY ALL MARRYING EACH OTHER??? IS THIS REALLY WHATS HAPPENING???? HELPP

- SCARY SIGNED AS TERRY. W A HEART. YALL.

- THIS EPISODE IS A FUCKING FEVER DREAM I SWEAR

holy fucking shit. what a rollercoaster. so yeah guys i think that was my fave episode of the season wow. what a bday gift to me. herman unworthy is just like me fr. i am going to take an eternity to recover from this.

[laylaisthename]

you know im down bad when im actually posting my fics on tumblr.

-

Lincoln McQuoid/M!MC || SFW || 3900 words :pensive: ||

Fic about two guys with terrible birthday experiences that are trying to do better. Set in a theoretical time after everything's been resolved. Timeline doesnt exactly match up since we're probably like a week away in game from Linc’s birthday but uuuh just pretend ok.

tw; mentions of under (american) age drinking (idk im european and he's 18 so its fine to me) 

"Lincooooln." Horus calls lazily from the couch.

"What?"

"You know what day it is?"

Lincoln pads into the living room, his eyes narrowing at Horus. "The day the Elric brothers set their house on fire?"

Horus snorts, "Of course you would say that you weeb. Aaaand...what else is today?"

Lincoln sighs. "Who told you?"

"I'll let you take one guess at who'd be texting me about your well-being."

He buries his face in his hands and lets out another deep, soul-weary sigh.

"Abel says to tell you 'happy birthday' and to make sure that, quote 'he doesn't spend the whole day moping around his apartment alone watching daytime tv and getting drunk.' unquote. Ouch. You really spend your birthdays like that?"

There's a thoughtful frown on Lincoln's face, a look that Horus knows a little too well by now. He opens his arms invitingly, and a small smile plays on Lincoln's lips as he moves to join him on the couch, resting against his chest.

"Bad birthday memories?" Horus asks.

"Melancholic ones. I told you what happened on my seventh birthday. My mom still tried after that but it just... hasn't been the same since. And then I lost touch with Abel, and she..." his words trail off. 

Horus' voice is quiet when he responds. "I know. I'm sorry." 

Unsure of what else to say he simply wraps Lincoln in his arms. Instinctively Horus' eyes flicker to the empty spot on the wall where Silvia's portrait used to hang, a pang of guilt lancing through his heart. He must have apologized a thousand and one times already, but it still never felt like enough. Sometimes he catches Linc glancing over too, expecting it to still be there- for her to still be there. 

His thumb subconsciously moves to twist at his mother's ring. It was a feeling he knew well. 

"Okay I'm gonna be real depressing here," he starts, "but stay with me on this. Every year on my birthday my dad used to take us to this nice Egyptian restaurant. I'd get baklava and chocolate cake and some damn good chicken and then we'd go home and watch any movie of my choice, so we'd usually end up watching A New Hope again."

"And you're calling me a weeb? Nerd."

"Shut up, I'm being genuine here for once in my fucking life. Anyway. Point is. We'd get dinner, watch a movie together, I got some gifts, and it was the best day I could wish for. Then after... everything happened, Amalia and her parents took me out somewhere." He takes a moment to gather himself. Talking about the past five years was still hard at times, actually telling the truth of his hurt rather than lie and say he was fine. "I spent my eighteenth birthday crying my eyes out on the floor of a restaurant bathroom. Told Lia I got food poisoning, but I knew she didn't buy it. Next birthday was barely any better. Amalia was off to college by then, so me and my new best friend 'Fake ID' hit up every bar in town for a free drink for the birthday boy. I vaguely remember making out with some hot girl in a bathroom stall, but mostly I just remember feeling incredibly alone. And, well, nauseous."

"Is this story going anywhere or are you rambling?"

"Right. I'm trying to be profound. Well, tl;dr, birthdays sucked. At 20 I ignored my birthday and 21 I got shitfaced again, but this time legally. Then this year I happened to find myself in the area after a hunt. So I walked into that Egyptian restaurant, I got myself dinner and some baklava, found the nearest movie theater and watched, uh," he falls quiet for a moment, thinking hard, "I don't remember the movie's name, it was pretty forgettable I'll be honest. But it was the best day I'd had in longer than I'd like to admit. Whenever I closed my eyes I could almost feel my family sitting next to me. My dad's lame jokes, my mom's laughter. Annie stealing food off my plate when she thought I wasn't looking..." Horus is quiet for a moment. "Sorry, I'm making it about me again."

Lincoln turns over in his arms to face him. "It's alright. Honor their memory instead of burying it deep, right?"

"Yeah. But, if you do wanne just laze around all day and watch shitty movies I'm down for that too." he tightens his arms around him a little. 

Lincoln hums, lying his head back down on Horus' chest, and he wonders if Lincoln could hear how his heart raced. Neither of them would spend another birthday alone if he had any say in it. They lay there a little while longer in comforting quiet.

Lincoln rouses after a while, quieting Horus' whine with an achingly sweet kiss as he heaves himself off the couch. "I think I know what I want to do today."

***

Their first stop was Westchester Elementary. Lincoln hadn't told Horus what exactly they'd be up to, wanting it to be a surprise. It was a warm autumn day, the warmth of summer not quite gone yet. 

The sounds of children playing outside  accompanied by a quiet ambiance of rustling leaves and birds' song. It was strange how nice Westchester could be when horrible men and creatures weren't actively terrorizing it. 

"So, this is where baby Linc took his first steps into becoming a menace to society?" 

He rolls his eyes, but smiles regardless, "You know Russ, I don't actually know much about what you were like as a kid." 

"Me? A model student once they got me to stop cutting up my clothes." 

"That's what I thought." he holds out his hand, and by now it's second nature for Horus to grasp it as they walk along. Lincoln leads them to the side of the building, stopping before they round the corner. 

"Close your eyes for me?" 

For me.

The gentleness in Linc's voice over shadows any dirty jokes in Horus' mind. He simply smiles, "Alright." letting Lincoln lead him a little further away with his eyes closed. 

He stops Horus, grabbing him by the shoulders and turning him around. 

"Okay, now, open your eyes." 

So he does. And before him, Horus sees something that was-

A stunningly painted mural adorned the old plaster, a deep indigo blue of a night sky, swirling into the yellows and pinks of dawn. Against that backdrop was the silhouette of a woman, leading a chain of children of different ages toward the light of a new day under a bright shining star. More stars dotted the dark sky, painted in such a way that they almost seem to shimmer in the sunlight. Among them Horus managed to recognize a few constellations; the Scales of Libra, Aries the Ram, the Eagle Aquila, the Archer Orion-

His eyes flit to Lincoln, who in turn is watching him with searching eyes and a kind smile. 

"It's gorgeous." Horus says after another breath. It was hard to put into words, but it felt as if a hopeful wish had been put into every brushstroke. 

Having apparently found what he was looking for, Lincoln turns to the mural. "My mother painted this. She told me she started the first draft a few weeks after she found out she was pregnant. The actual mural didn't go up until I enrolled here, and I got special permission to 'help' her out during recess." 

They walk up close, where painted in white, surprisingly neat, yet childish letters;

LINCOLN & 

and then in a beautiful curling script;

Silvia McQuoid

Lincoln traces his fingers along the letters, closing his eyes, a smile painting his lips. 

"There's more murals like these all around town. She'd always say this was her way of giving back a little kindness into the world. Something to inspire people." his eyes open again, looking up at the silhouette. "A couple were painted before I was born, but I loved coming along whenever I could. She always insisted that even if I just painted a single line, that I'd put my name up next to hers."

"She sounds awesome, wish I could have met her."

"She would have loved you, I'm sure of it." 

Horus laughs, "Ha! You're just saying that because I'm your boyfriend." 

Lincoln bumps his shoulder, "I mean it, Russ. Someone so full of life like you? She'd be making wedding plans after our first date." 

Horus was not a shy or bashful man by a long shot, so the blush creeping up to his ears and the sudden stutter in his throat caught him off guard. His eyes flick over to Lincoln, who also seems to realize what he'd said with a start. He didn't want to read into it too much, his racing mind already looking for a way to change the topic, but a small voice in the back of his head tells him that if Lincoln had asked him right here, right now, that he would not mind at all. But then a suitable deflection comes to mind, blurted out a little too tense, a little too fast. 

"I already promised to take you out for dinner today, no need to butter me up."

"Maybe I'm hoping to get free dessert too." 

"I dunno, you find me a dark and quiet corner and I can get right on that if you're so impatient." 

"At an elementary school? Really?" 

"Ah, you're right. So are we going to your highschool next? Behind the bleachers maybe." 

Lincoln laughs again, "Speaking of dinner, there's a few more murals I wanted to show you. Come on." Linc turns to head back to the motorcycle. 

It was like a light bulb flickering to life over Horus' head as he realized exactly what he would get Lincoln for his birthday. He pulls out his phone, sending out a dozen texts as they walk, nearly missing the helmet Linc tosses him. 

The last message is off and confirmed by the time they reach the second mural, and hours blur by as they ride all over Westchester. Every painting is somehow more gorgeous than the last, accompanied by anecdotes from Lincoln about inspirations, color choices, meanings. It was something incredibly dear to his heart, anyone could tell. 

Horus steps up close to Lincoln, leaving a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you."

"For what?" 

"Sharing this with me. But," he reaches his hand into Linc's back pocket, pulling out the motor keys, "I have a surprise for you too." 

Lincoln raises a brow, but doesn't make to grab for the keys. "Where are we going exactly?" 

"Ah-ah, wouldn't be a surprise anymore if I told you. But it's close by, I promise."

***

It's a short drive over. Horus parks the motor out on the side of the road, walking ahead down an alleyway to the back. 

And as his friends had promised, strewn around a blank wall was everything needed to paint a mural of their own. 

Brushes in all sizes, a dozen different colors of paint, lights that illuminated a smooth, blank canvas waiting to be filled. Off to the side lay a cooler filled with drinks, and a bag full of takeout food. 

"But how…?"

Horus counts it off on his fingers, "Had Connor call in some favors at city hall for the permit, Lia brought the food, Joss got us drinks, Dee and Noah took care of the supplies, aaand," Horus lets out a sharp whistle, and Abel appears from around the corner carrying a cake, followed by the rest of their merry little gang. A chorus of "Happy birthday, Lincoln." rises from the group. Joss rolls her eyes. 

"I'm just here for the cake." she nods her head toward Abel. 

Linc's eyes grow wide."Is that…?" 

"My mom's recipe? Yeah, I promised, didn't I?" 

Horus pulls a lighter from his pocket, lighting the candles. 

"Happy birthday to you." Abel starts, and Horus, Amalia, Connor and Dee are quick to join in, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Lincoln, happy birthday to youuu." 

The look in Lincoln's eyes is part horrified, part touched and wholly embarrassed as the song comes to an end. 

"C'mon make a wish." 

Lincoln walks up and thinks for a moment, and if Horus wasn't head over heels before, then the way that the candlelight flickered in Linc's eyes surely would have done the trick now. The moment passes as he closes his eyes, blowing out the candles in one big breath. 

"Let's see if this cake lives up to the hype." Noah walks up, knife in hand, offering it to Lincoln to cut the first piece. 

Abel looks offended, "You doubt my baking skills?" 

"Cut him some slack," Connor says, "being a ghost for a few years made him forget his manners." 

Noah just shrugs, taking back the knife to cut up pieces for the rest as Lincoln takes the first one. 

The silence is broken by an incredibly inappropriate moan from Lincoln that almost sets something off in Horus. But that would have to wait until he had him all to himself.

"Just as good as you remember?" Abel says, unable to keep a large, goofy grin off his face. 

"Better somehow." he takes another large bite. 

Horus is handed a piece next and wastes no time shoving a large piece into his mouth. "Oh shit, this is good." Agreements ring out as everyone digs in. Their impromptu party is however quite short lived.

"As much as I wish I could stay," Abel says, "I was in the middle of grading papers that I really need to finish by tomorrow."

 Amalia pipes up, "I should go too, I got a long drive ahead to get back in time for my lectures tomorrow if I want to get any sleep. Cake was totally worth it, though." 

Connor walks up to Dee and Noah, slinging his arms around their shoulders. "The three of us promised Harper we'd stop by tonight to check something out, so we should get going too." 

Jocelyn grabs another bite off the last slice of cake. "And I'm not hanging around to play third wheel to these two, so bye."

Horus waves her off. "Good night, Joss." 

"Night, Red. Keep the old man’s spine intact.”

“Old man? I’m not even 30 yet.” Lincoln replies.

“I make no promises about his ability to walk tomorrow.”

Jocelyn grins, “Nice.” and heads off.

Abel hangs back for a moment, watching the others leave. He walks over to Lincoln, whose eyes still betray his feelings of guilt. Apologies were exchanged a while ago, but Horus could tell that Lincoln still had a hard time letting go of the hurt he caused. 

"Abel, I-" but his words are cut off as Abel envelopes him in a hug. Lincoln hesitates for a moment, before hugging him back. 

Abel lets him go, a kind smile on his face. "Happy birthday, old friend." he turns to Horus, giving him a nod, and Horus nods back. 

And just like that it was only the two of them left again. Horus polishes the last crumbs off his plate, quietly thanking Abel and his mother for what was maybe the best cake he'd had, ever. 

Lincoln walks up and hugs him tightly, burying his face in Russ' neck. And now it was Horus' turn to stand there for a moment, unsure of what to do, before he returns the gesture. 

"Thank you," the words are a quiet murmur against the crook of his shoulder. "Thank you."

"I'm glad you like it." 

"No, I liked spending the day with you. You doing this for me? I love it. I-" he hesitates on the word. Lincoln pulls back a bit, cupping Russ' face in his hands. "It means a lot to me. I just don't know what to paint." 

He pulls him in for a kiss, short and sweet. But being pressed up against Lincoln's back all day on the motorcycle has left Horus with a desire for something more than that. He walks Lincoln backwards until his back hits the empty plaster wall, nearly tripping over a bucket of paint in his haste. He opens his mouth, and it was delicious, both of them still tasting of whipped cream and cake. 

Lincoln flips them, so Russ' back is now to the wall and pulls back. A groan escapes him as he leans forward after Lincoln, 

"Don't move." he places another kiss along his jaw. 

"Hm?" 

"I just figured out what I want to paint."

Horus stood there, chest heaving, pupils blown wide. "You're just going to leave me like this?" 

He laughs, a bright and joyful sound, "I didn't exactly bring lube along." 

"I'll run to the corner store and make the most suspicious purchase of my fucking life, I'll even throw in some roses, don't test me."

Lincoln comes back with a bucket of paint and brush in hand. "You can do whatever you want to me back at my apartment. Just keep still." 

He opens the can, a deep blue, and gets to work tracing an outline around Horus, lingering around his hands, leaving kisses as he goes along. Up his arm, over his shoulder, a kiss under his ear. 

"You're making it very hard to stand still, you know." 

"Better keep at it. Don't want to get paint in your hair- hold out your hand a little."

Horus does as asked, moving as little as possible, as Lincoln traces the paint over his head and down his right side. 

Lincoln steps back, admiring his handiwork- or maybe admiring Horus. With the way his eyes darted around it was hard to tell. He turns, reaching for a new brush and another can of bright red paint. It doesn't escape Russ that it's the same shade as the color of his hair. Lincoln holds them out for him to take. 

Horus shakes his head "I'm not much of an artist."

"Just the rough outline, I'll take care of the details." Lincoln stands with his back against the wall, hand overlapping with the silhouette of Horus beside him. 

"Alright, fine. For the birthday boy." 

Horus then realized that he probably had not held a paintbrush in his hands in a decade, if not more. He wasn't nervous per se, but still very cautiously went to work, part of him afraid to mess it all up. He kneels down to get started by Lincoln's legs. The red paint stands in stark contrast against the gray wall, overflow dripping down, and suddenly Horus freezes. 

His hands shake, breath catching in his throat, whole body tense and ready to spring. Blood dripping down the brush, out of a creature's mouth, covering his hands his eyes seeping into his chest the ground thick in the air-

A hand clamps on his arm and distantly his name reaches his ears -"Russ!"- his father telling him to run, Annie calling after him- he tries to pull away, hand balling into a fist so tight that his knuckles ran white, nails digging into his palm, fight or flight instincts setting in and he was afraid and wanted to, no had to fight there was no one else left-

"Horus!" Lincoln's hands frame his face, forcing him to look into his eyes. 

"I'm-" the word comes out as a ragged breath. Adrenaline ebbs out, his heart still racing at a thousand miles a minute, but he was back in the here and now at least. Realizing what had just happened, Horus slaps on his trademark grin, the gesture not quite reaching his eyes. "I'll get lost in your eyes like this." 

"You're shaking." 

His hands still tremble a bit as he pries himself loose, "Low blood sugar, you know how it is. Maybe we should eat some of the take-out before it goes completely cold." he drops the brush back into the bucket, avoiding looking at it too closely. 

"Horus-"

"There's one with chicken and one with beef, which do you want?"

Lincoln wraps himself around him from behind, plucking the beef noodles from the bag. "Talk to me, Russ. You were gone for a moment there." 

Horus hops up onto a crate, opening his food up, his voice quiet, but finding its confidence as he talks. "Ugh. It doesn't usually happen, red is my favorite color, and I've seen worse whenever I need to dye my hair again- seriously makes my bathroom look like someone died there." he lets out a breath, combing his fingers through his hair, "but, I guess the paint just… took me off guard. I'll be fine after I eat something." 

Lincoln sits next to him, frowning, 

"I should have realized-" 

"Don't. Don't start pitying me or, fuckin' saying its your fault. We were just making such good progress in getting you to stop blaming everything on yourself-" 

"That's not true," Linc says matter-of-fact, "I blame plenty on Matthias." 

Horus laughs. "True. But, yeah. I don't want my little episode to ruin this. I won't let it." He nods over, gesturing for Lincoln to go stand at the wall once they're done eating. 

His hand still shakes a little as he traces the outline around him, but everything was further from Horus' mind now. Focus on the motions, focus on his warmth, his voice-

"Look at that. You're a natural." Lincoln says as he draws the final line, vaguely linking the hands of the silhouettes together. 

"Are you gonna start pulling out gold stars next, or what?" He grabs himself a soda from the cooler, and a beer for Lincoln,

"Is that something I'll need to keep in mind?" 

"Everyone likes being told they're doing a good job, no? Don't worry about the drinking by the way, I'll drive us back." 

"Sure, but if I start lamenting about Naruto, cut me off." 

"No, please tell me more about how Naruto and that black haired guy were totally in love." 

"Oh, like you're any better about your space movies." 

"I just have a lot of feelings about the Clones, okay!" 

Conversation flows and time flies as Horus watches Lincoln get to work. It was mesmerizing to see how the piece came together, stroke by stroke; two silhouettes, hand in hand with a ribbon tying their hands together. Horus' figure set in a royal blue, Lincoln framed by an explosive red, the tie that binds them red on one side, blue on the other. The message rang clear; I’m a part of you, you’re a part of me.

"Now all that's left," Lincoln cracks open a black can of paint, dipping in a smaller brush. "is signing it."

He signs his name in beautiful curling letters;

Lincoln & 

Before holding out the brush to Horus, who glady, if a bit messily, adds his name underneath;

Horus Asar

[kindestegg]

what's yr fav hidden gem horror game thats been wiped off the net

the fishermen and the worm :( i first heard it got gone when i randomly got a dm on reddit of all places bc once upon a time i commented on a post recommending it as a creepy game that doesnt look like horror at first, n the person basically went 'yeah hey do u still have the files for this bc turns out its gone from the net' n im like AGH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bc i lost those in between moving computers many times

iirc the only surviving proof of it existing is an incomplete lets play series on youtube n also some screenshots i took revisiting the ending location to show my bf a long time ago.

it was a very neat little game n it makes me sad the creator wanted it gone but i guess i sort of can understand it bc sometimes as an artist ur gonna get embarrassed of ur old art n want to move on from it n see it gone off the net, i know ive done that with like, p much all my old devart profiles (i have none atm)

you might be wondering what it was about... to give a summary, its about these two little guys who are dubiously in love or maybe just besties who live in like this cartoony paradise in a hole n call themselves fishermen but then theyre like. hey why do we call ourselves that if weve never fished. so they go to their elder and are like HEY WHERE THE FUCK IS ALL THE WATER n hes like FUCK YOU THERES NO WATER HERE ITS ON THE SURFACE YOU STUPID FUCK. so they go to the surface n they meet this worm bug lady whos rly nice n sort of a mother figure to them, shes like rly old, shes been told by her moms (<3) to wait for these two guys for thousands of years in that very same spot. theyre like can u show us water n shes like yeah n points to a speck on the horizon n theyre like wtf we meant to fish in n shes like ohhh okay. yeah we gotta go to a different place for that.

AND THEN. THE REAL GAME BEGINS. you see bc every place in this world is called an 'age', n the more you traverse it, the weirder n often times creepier it gets n the more u get the feeling this is kind of telling the story of someones life? but you cant figure out who. not yet at least. without spoiling too much though, i rly like all the diff visual n style changes for every age, the next age you encoutner right after you move away from the worms spot is genuinely really fucking creepy n with this genuinely NASTY looking grit to it n it only gets more fucked up the more u play through it. thats around the point where i realized OH. oh ive been tricked. this ISNT a silly goofy haha rpgmaker game thats short n sweet! THIS IS A SCARY GAME!

but as ive said every age has a diff look to it, one other is psychedelic, another almost looks like a dr seuss book... so on. eventually, everything starts coming together, n what i rly like about this game is that it doesnt just give u dead ends, it expects you to be smart to figure it out, yes, but it also gives you PLENTY of evidence to figure it out n flat out tells you some stuff n by the end youre probably gonna just naturally know what happened.

i will also say looking back on it i rly appreciate the underlying theme of being gay n growing up gay n how the world aorund you affects you, theres like, SOME REALLY DARK fucking themes when you really get down to it and actually study the full on implications of what its trying to tell you. it rly gets dark with like, how bad homophobia can get n how heartbreaking n desolate sometimes the experience of being a gay kid can be when u have no one who you think you can trust n then growing up into a gay adult whos just getting more confused n worried about the future n sometimes even getting taken advantage of.

but despite all the horror n darkness... its a game that knows when to give you plenty of breathers, the three main characters are so charming they just shine naturally, they combat all the darkness by just being themselves. theyre not the ones who lived through all this horrible crap, theyre just bright little cartoon guys who want to go fish! n by god(s, in this games case) theyre gonna do it!!! n in the end... they may just decide to make things better for everyone else. the game has a good ending. its good guys. the game is good.

[goremet-chef]

vent/rant

its so fucking ABSURD man. "whats with the attitude?" you want me to kill the mood even more? want me to say im depressed cuz my cat is dead and i didnt even realize that on the 21st, that would be the last time id ever see her again? is that what you fucking want?

its so NON EXISTANT to EVERYONE, it means fucking nothing to them!!! how could you care so little, just because we didnt live with her? she was the last remnant of my home. a home free of yelling and violence and blood, home where my friends live, home where i was safe and now shes gone, she was the last one. i thought i had longer with her, at least with riley i got to say goodbye properly

the same thing happened with domino, when i was younger. i felt so betrayed that they didnt even let me say bye to him, i feel a similar anger now.. but i live 2 hours away, there was no convenient way for them to let me do that. i think just..

the SUDDENNESS of the decision is what breaks my heart. she didnt know she wasnt gonna wake up ever again, she probably had no idea what was happening and its. its not like i wanted to see her die, the same way we watched riley get worse until we realized there was no saving him and he wasnt gonna get better, but.. was there really nothing we couldve done? nothing at all? was euthanasia the ONLY course of action? maybe we could have saved her, but its too late now. it doesnt matter anymore

im still kind of in denial, honestly.. it doesnt feel real. some part of me thinks it was a sick joke from my sibling. i know its not, i know its real, but with how everyones acting like it didnt happen at all, you couldnt blame me for feeling that way. part of me really hopes it was a joke but. i know if i ask ill just get confirmation that it wasnt

i wish i was there at least. that way i wouldnt be stuck in this limbo of thinking its not real. i know when riley was put down, id still go to my grandmas room and go to the living room at night somewhat hoping that he'd be there when i looked, but of course he never was. one time i was zoned out and i subconsciously reached over to pet him and feeling time stop when i froze and saw i was reaching for nothing, it hurt so fucking bad, it still hurts so fucking bad man. looking up and seeing the little box he was inside, it fucking sucks i hate this so much

i wish i was there, because at least my grandma gets it. those were her cats, have been for years. she always played it off like they werent because technically artemis and riley were OUR cats, but my mom lost her home and my grandma took us in when i was like.. 8 or 9. and she decided to go back and get them for us. im so grateful she did, because they wouldnt have lived as long as they had out there.

she gets it, because she loved them too. my mom didnt love them. my brother didnt love them. my older sister literally just completely abandoned and probably forgot about riley, who was HER cat. i remember he used to attack my feet from under the bed, when i was a little kid. the only one who came close to loving them like how we do was my oldest sibling, and even still he doesnt seem sad about it at all. like i know hes sad cuz he loved her but he rarely ever saw her, it was more like a passing claim of "oh, thats my cat", yknow?

my grandma gets it. i know she knows its really hard for me. it was so hard when domino was gone. when riley was sick, she tried to be lighthearted about it and even when i saw him for the last time, and we were both crying, she told me to say bye to him in kind of a goofy voice. i know she doesnt want to see me hurting like that, and it was kind of dreadful at the time, but im really glad she let me say goodbye to him, because it was a goodbye i meant. it wasnt "goodbye, see you later", it was the real one and i didnt get to give that to arty. i just said bye like normal, because i thought shed be okay! i thought whatever was wrong with her, we could fix. i cant believe it was so cut and dry

and i cant stand it here, they dont have and kind of sympathy, i think my mom doesnt even KNOW that i know. which means she just didnt plan on telling me at all. even my sibling was confused as to why she wouldnt have. its like they cant fathom why id be sad for more than a day or two, but i loved her! i fucking loved her, i loved all of them

i dont believe in the afterlife, but part of me wants to believe that they can at least know how much i miss them, how much i love them. its the only sort of comfort i have, even if i dont really believe it. i hope they can hear me cry and they know that its because i love them so fucking much and i want to see them again

it doesnt help that, exactly like when riley was put to sleep, im having dreams about her. dreams where shes dead, but im hallucinating her and i can see her again and im petting her and its so real.. shes there in my head and everyone around me tells me "its not real" but i dont even care! i dont care if its not real, because seeing her is enough. arty, i love you so much girl, im so fucking sorry we couldnt do anything. im sorry to riley too, and domino, and talcum. im sorry marceline, im sorry ellie. i know its not my fault, there was really just nothing we could do, but man i wish that wasnt true

they lived their whole lives with us, which is why its so crazy to me that most of my family doesnt really care. no one is gonna remember them, so ill drown myself in the grief just to honor their memory, because they deserve to be cried over. they deserve to be missed, to have someone who loves them after everything. their loss should be mourned, how could i think back on their whole lives and do anything but? i know people say "oh, remember the good times! they wouldnt want you to be sad" but the good times are gone. crying affirms the fact that i loved them and ill keep loving them until im dead too, because they deserve that

[nerves-nebula]

TW: VRISKCOURSE IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2023

Feel free to ignore

Ding ding the witch is dead (the witch being vriska)

But honestly while I do agree that vriska represents Tumblr better I'm glad she lost because since I read homestuck for the first time 5 years ago I always found her kinda boring?

Like she only becomes interesting when interacting with other characters, like Terezi's whole thing with her, John/June's complicated feelings towards her, the many times she assaulted tavros and how that affected him, her relationship with Meenah (honestly I'd argue that Meenah is more interesting and spend less time with her than vriska, and she's still a dick so trust me the issue here is not unlikeability)

People act like she's the peak of unlikable female characters but she's just a popular girl that bullies others because her mom sucks, I already dealt with plenty of those IRL (especially during the time I first read HS), the machinations of her mind really aren't that complex, the only thing interesting about her is her powers.

Otherwise she's just a plot device

Basically what I'm saying is that there are unlikable female protagonists out there that are more interesting

Then again maybe her making me respond in this way is the point, maybe the point of a Tumblr woman is to make you wonder why anyone finds her interesting but I dunno I only been here for 6 years what do I know?

i mean i think that the way shes mean is why people hated her so much, cause she was mean in a way they found Too Close to real life. she wasn't unlikable the way a fictional character is SUPPOSED to be, she's unlikable the way your worst friend who ruined your life for years was, hah.

i dont really have a horse in this race as far as the Tumblr Culture goes, cause idc that much. but I do have an interesting relationship with her character so I might as well share it here.

I have particular affection towards Vriska because she reminds me A LOT of my older sister. which you might think is a bad thing and it sort of is, but its more complicated than that.

SEE my oldest sister basically had to raise all of us, on top of dealing with some weird emotional incest stuff with our mom (our mom would call her her "little husband" so it wasn't great) and worst of all she had to protect us from our oldest brother who was and still is an incredibly violent and volatile person. so she'd basically get beaten up all the time protecting us, and if my oldest brother was picking on one of us she'd antagonize him to get him to beat her up instead cause she could take it or something.

ANYWAY she's gone through a lot of trauma processing now and I love her and everything she stands for, but she was kind of a cruel kid/teenager. which makes sense, our childhood was a never ending hellscape of fighting and injuries and abuse, especially for her. So she did what she thought it would take to keep us (relatively) safe, including some rather abusive tactics to try to stop us from appearing weak, and she also lashed out cause she was like 13 raising 4 kids and constantly fighting 1 bigger kid

Anddd the thing about Vriska is that she's also a teenager and she's also been abused and she basically doesnt trust anyone else to NOT screw up (which is very much like my oldest sister too, but you cant really fault the controlling nature when everything was so high stakes hah)

soooo fsdfdsfsdfsadfds like,, my oldest sister wasn't a very good person until a bit into her later teens. So I can't really hold Vriska to like a Worst Person Ever standard because to me she doesnt represent a person who was awful to me and who I stopped being friends with or whatever. She's like a child version of my oldest sister, and that child deserved to be cared for instead of thrown into the hell that she was. I would wrap her in a blanket if I didn't think she'd stab me for it or something.

ANYWAY that's what I feel about this fictional character.

plus i love abused characters, what can I say. she was never my favorite but i did always wish the best for her hah.

[reinereix]

problems :))

my parents have been fighting continuously over extended familial problems and my mom blames it all on me that bcuz of me they are fighting. my dad blames my mom that she doesnt look after me and cuz of dat i score less marks. they have been extra like super extra pressurising me to study but since July ion even feel like and even if i get 45/50 they scold me! my friend scored 46 and compared me to her... my tution teacher told my parents that i dont pay attention in the class nor tuition just because i yawn... and because of that my parents have been extra pressurising me. i dont even get free time.. of my own.. always telling me to study (im in 9th grade). my mom's getting a lot over controlling now. she asked me to delete ig cuz its a "distraction" when its the only one app which makes me feel like yeah im doing well (tho ik im addicted) In July 2023, i once accidentally posted a meme of my teacher (not made by me) on my story and a bitch snitched on me and told her and the teacher complained the principal and she called my dad! and i got real bad scolding in a very harsh tone by my dad i swear... after dat day i have never been the same. they dont even trust me when i say it wasnt me who made it. i lost my appetite... i lost my energy. I WAS JUST WASNT THE SAME. i almost blacked out in the middle of shopping... my mom tells me she should have killed me when i was born. i should have been born as a cow not human and if i was she would have beat me up in the worst possible way. she runs behind me with a heated pressure cooker and knife etc if we even get in an argument. today she picked up my guitar to hit me. before it was a chair. my parents threaten to rot me, lock me up, break my legs, hands etc. my mom says im not worthy to be a human and when i say her the things which she says me she's triggered and wants to hit me. and i cant even justify/explain myself because that's considered talking back. cant shut the door for gods sake. one time it slipped from my mouth that i might be in depression infront of my mum and all she said was "dats why u gotta study" "what pain/sadness do you have? do you not get food? clothing? shelter? do we not provide you with everything you need" my parents forbad me to take part in any extra curricular activities and forcing me to take part in quizes and what not, like debates? competition regarding intellect which ive absolutely no interest in...plus watching yt explanation videos is also not allowed atm DUDE IM SO DONE.. i cant even visit my friends, nor go out w them... i cant even tell my dad im using insta...i cant even tell them ab my male friends, cant even introduce my male seniors (who are like my brothers) to them, cant invite them over either...its an unending list.. i wished to write more but nvm! thanks for reading :) i hope you are having an amazing day/night <3 with regards - T ps im from India