#shout out to ten minutes ago when i was planning out details for my flash fam mer au and i realized that i had just written a HalBarry fic

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

I am unable to write scenes without homoerotic tension. Everytime I reread what I've just written I'm like "Oh these bitches gay! Good for them, good for them." It's not even intentional. I'm writing ship fics about characters I don't even ship.

[writethelifeyouwant]

Red

Summary: Y/N has been having an infuriating dry spell in the love department lately, thanks to lockdown, and her roommate Jensen is getting fed up with her attitude. So, he lets her in on a little secret…

Pairing: Danneel x Reader Rating: 18+ Tags: female masturbation, talk of male masturbation, phone sex, dirty talk, praise kink, light degradation, lockdown was hard on singletons but great for phone sex operators Word Count: 4.5k Created for: @anyfandomgoesbingo - Sex Hotline AU | @spnkinkbingo - Tribbing

A/N: Requested by @danneelsmain - hope this lived up to your expectations babe! I haven't written Danneel before but I really enjoyed writing this ❤️

“Yes... yes... yesyesyes–”

“Hey, Y/N!” Bang, bang, bang! “Hurry up in there will ya? I’m dyin’ here,” Jensen jiggled the doorknob to no avail, and Y/N was incredibly thankful she’d remembered to lock it this time.

I’m dying here, Y/N thought to herself, pulling the shower head from between her legs with a frustrated huff, the water swirling down the drain carrying the fading vestiges of her almost-orgasm with it. She had been so close. Bang! Bang! Bang!

“Just a minute!” she shouted, frustration tipping over into anger. The knob on the faucet was twisted to the ‘off’ position with unnecessary violence, and the shower curtain was attached at one less ring than it had been half an hour ago when it was yanked open to settle against the back wall of the tub.

Bang! Ban–

“Seriously, Jensen?!” Y/N barely had the towel secured around herself before she threw open the door, hastily ducking to avoid Jensen’s knock-in-progress.

“Thank fuck.” Jensen danced around Y/N and shoved the door shut, sending Y/N slipping across the tiles on her still-wet feet and locking her on the other side. The clearly audible hiss of Jensen relieving himself leaked through the door and Y/N growled in frustration, aiming a kick at the door before stomping down the hallway to her room.

He couldn’t have waited ten more seconds…

It had been bad enough that lockdown got them all stuck at home with no possibility of one night stands, or follow-up booty calls to keep her sex drive in check, but now Y/N was having an even bigger problem. She hadn’t been able to get herself over the finish line for at least two weeks, and she had no earthly idea as to why. Y/N was beginning to think that regular orgasms were part of the reason that she was usually nice to be around, because right now she felt like she was one bad joke away from stabbing somebody.

And that someone was likely to be Jensen.

Tucked up into the corner of the couch was Y/N’s standard position these days. She wasn’t sure what was playing on the TV, something as mindless as she felt right now.

“Budge up.” Jensen hit her feet and flopped back gracelessly on top of them without giving her the chance to move them.

“Ow, asshole!” A pillow whipped through the air and collided squarely with the side of Jensen’s face.

“What is your problem lately?”

“You, clearly,” Y/N snapped, pulling her knees into her chest defensively. Jensen raised a single eyebrow, giving her a pointed look. “No, it’s not you,” Y/N admitted, letting some of her aggression seep out of her frame with her words. “Sorry.”

“What’s up?”

“Nothing, it’s fine.”

There was a stiff silence between them, Jensen waiting for Y/N to break and answer his question and Y/N knowing that she didn’t want to talk about this with Jensen but not seeing a way out of the conversation. Jensen had an irritating habit of getting her to open up about things she never planned on telling people – like the fact that she was gay. And now he was about to hear far more about her sex life than she ever wanted to share with someone of the male species.

“I’m, um,” her cheeks were on fire as she glanced up to see Jensen looking back at her with concerned curiosity. “I’m… having a problem,” she finished lamely.

“Okay…”

“I can’t… Do you ever–” Y/N choked on the words every time they tried to bubble through. “So… um, it’s– it’s been a while.” She saw comprehension flash over Jensen’s freckled face a moment later.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“You know PornHub has a whole section for lesbian shit, right?” Another pillow hits him in the face. “Okay, okay, ow,” Jensen rubs his jaw in exaggeration. “But seriously, it’s been a while for everyone. You just gotta take business into your own hands.”

“You don’t think I’ve been doing that?” Y/N hissed, unconsciously checking around them as if someone else was in their apartment who might overhear.

“Well then what’s the problem?”

“I haven’t like,” Y/N made a variety of nonsequitous hand motions that had no bearing on the word ‘orgasm’ but Jensen seemed to get the message.

“How long?” he cringed.

“Like, almost three weeks? And it’s not like I haven’t been trying like, everything, I just… can’t,” she shrugged helplessly. “Has this kind of thing ever happened to you? Is there something like, physically wrong with me?”

“No, no, I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with you,” Jensen rushed to reassure her, patting her leg awkwardly. “This kind of thing happens all the time.”

“So it’s happened to you too?” Hope shone from Y/N’s face that maybe she wasn’t doomed to a life empty of sexual pleasure.

“Well… no, not exactly.” Y/N’s shoulders drooped, hopes slashed.

“How are you staying so sane?” Y/N accused. “You used to be with a different girl every few days before all of this.”

“Hey! I was not,” Jensen was mock offended but Y/N could tell he was also a little proud. “And I’ve, uh… I’ve got my sources,” his eyes twinkled mischievously as he answered her question.

“Jensen Ross Ackles, have you been sneaking out behind my back!”

“No,” he rolled his eyes, “nothing like that.” Jensen pulled out his phone and started scrolling through the screen as Y/N watched.

“Jen, if you’re trying to show me porn, I’m good. Don’t need to see what you get off to,” Y/N shuddered at the thought. A text beeped on her phone a second later, Jensen’s name popping up on the screen.

“That’s my source,” he explains and she opens the message to see a 1-800 number, next to the word Red.

“Red?”

“Red.” Jensen confirmed with a wicked grin, nodding sagely.

Y/N could not believe she was about to do this. She looked down at the number on her phone screen, ready to dial as soon as she pressed the little green button. Jensen’s assurances echoed in her head. Best phone sex I’ve ever had… she actually gets off with you, she’s not just faking it… sounds so hot, and her body is killer in her profile pic. Admittedly, the picture he’d shown her had been really fucking sexy. A slender girl in small red panties and unfairly pretty breasts cradled in a satin bra covered in little hearts, dark red hair pinned up around her face in a vintage style.

Before she could talk herself out of it again, Y/N pressed dial and held the phone up to her ear. It rang a few times before connecting to an automated menu, and Y/N was secretly relieved she wouldn’t have to ask an operator if she could speak to ‘Red’.

Thank you for calling the Sugar Lips Hotline. Please enter your card details to continue.

Jensen had warned her about this part, so she had her card sitting out of her wallet on the desk in front of her.

If you know who you are trying to reach, please press one. If you would like to be assigned a random operator, please press two.

Y/N shakily pressed the number one, and then put the phone on speaker while she was at it.

If you would like to speak with Candy, press one, followed by the pound key. If you would like to speak with Kitty, press two, followed by the pound key. If you would like to speak with Lance…

Y/N wondered if she would still have the confidence to go through with this by the time the robotic voice mentioned ‘Red’.

If you would like to speak with Red, press thirteen, followed by the pound key.

The moment of truth. Y/N entered the number 13 and then pressed the pound key. The line began to ring again.

“Hi there,” a temptingly soft voice slipped through the receiver of the phone sitting on the desk in front of her.

“Hi-i,” Y/N’s voice was jarring in comparison, breaking on the first word she uttered.

“Oh, so I’ve got a pretty little girl on the line today, huh?” Y/N didn’t know how to answer so she didn’t, hands frozen in a death grip on the sleeves of her too big sweatshirt. “What’s your name, baby?”

“Y/N,” she whispered back, suddenly scared that Jensen would be able to hear every word being said in her room. Quickly digging into her pockets she pulled out her headphones and plugged them into her cell. Why hadn’t she done that earlier?

“That’s such a pretty name, baby,” the woman cooed, and now her voice was right against Y/N’s ears; it felt like she was in the room, whispering against her skin. “I’m Red.”

“That’s what I should call you?” Y/N managed to keep the tremor out of her words this time.

“Unless you want to call me something else? I can be whoever you want me to be baby girl. Mommy, ma’am, mistress…” Y/N’s heart thundered against her ribs. She realised that she had no idea what she wanted from this – she just knew she was desperate. “Or maybe you want to be in charge? I could be your baby, your good little girl.” Y/N wished she could see Red right now, watch what she looked like as she purred all these promises down the line, teasing and tempting.

“Is,” Y/N gulped, “is there anyone you want me to be?”

“Nuh-uh,” she tutted, and Y/N could imagine her shaking her head, red curls flying by her cheeks. “This is all about you Y/N. I’m here to make you feel good.”

Y/N felt a lick of heat curl in the base of her stomach, twisting itself around her intestines.

“Yeah, I could use that,” she laughed nervously, figuring she should be honest if she wanted this to work out well. And she really needed it to.

“Oh, have you been feeling a little pent up baby?” Red’s voice echoed in Y/N’s ears. The small vibrations coming out of her earbuds were enough to start sending a pulsing sensation down the side of her neck, worming its way under her skin and into her veins. Christ, it had been too long.

“You have no idea.”

“Well, I betcha we can fix that. Are you somewhere comfortable sweetie?”

“I could get on the bed?” Y/N offered, wondering why she hadn’t started there in the first place, rather than at her desk.

“That sounds like a great idea,” Red purred seductively. “Why don’t you stretch out on the bed, get yourself nice and cozy. Maybe prop a pillow up next to you and think about me snuggling you in real close. Wish I could be there to put my hands all over your body.”

Y/N was thankful she was already sitting on her bed by the time Red finished painting her little scene because if she’d been walking, she’s pretty sure her knees would have given out.

“Fuck, it’s been so long since I felt another girl’s hands on me.” She tried not to be embarrassed at how whimpery her voice had gone. If this went well it was about to get a whole lot worse anyways.

“I want to touch every inch of you,” Red breathed heavily. “Run my fingers through your hair, over your neck, down your back. Would I find a bra there to unhook, baby?”

“Yeah,” Y/N sighed, arching her shoulders and feeling the band scratch taught around her ribs, pushing her breast up towards her chin.

“Why don’t you take that off for me?”

“Okay,” Y/N felt her voice shake as much as her hands as she reached behind her back to unclasp her bra, breathing deeply when the pressure of the garment disappeared.

“Bet that felt good, didn’t it baby?” Red laughed knowingly.

“Yeah,” Y/N agreed, loosening up a little at the acknowledgement of a shared experience, something all girls could relate to. She pulled her arms through the straps beneath her sweatshirt and shimmying the discarded bra out the bottom before pushing her arms back through her sleeves. The peaks of her nipples tightened as they caught on the pills of fleece that now sat against her chest.

“What else are you wearing?”

Suddenly embarrassed she hadn’t thought to put on anything sexy in preparation for this call, Y/N didn’t manage more than an “um…” before Red laughed, a warm sound that melted into her like chocolate against your tongue.

“Why don’t I tell you what I’m wearing?”

“Yeah,” Y/N nodded before she remembered that Red couldn’t see her. “Bet it’s something really sexy,” she attempted to flirt, cringing at how awkward she sounded.

“Well that depends,” Red mused. “Do you like lace?”

“Yeah,” Y/N breathed. She loved seeing girls in lace lingerie; the way the delicate weave of the pattern offered small tastes of the skin it covered, the way you could feel someone’s warmth seeping through such a thin fabric so easily, the way it felt to have someone touch you or suck you through such a meagre sheet of modesty…

“What about stockings?” Red voice broke through Y/N’s train of thought, pulling her back to the vaguely out of body experience she was having.

“Love them,” Y/N answered quietly, trying to pitch her voice the way Red was, low and alluring.

“Well, that’s a shame,” she sighed dramatically. “Because I’m not wearing anything at all right now, sorry to disappoint.” Y/N couldn’t see her but she would bet anything Red was wearing a big pout right now. She wondered what her lips looked like. In her head she pictured soft and pillowy.

“You are such a tease,” Y/N laughed, hoping to disguise the pang of arousal that had shot through her a moment before.

“Yeah, but you like it, don’t you baby?”

“Yeah, I really do,” Y/N found herself admitting unconsciously.

“Are you gonna keep teasing me, or are you gonna get naked too baby girl?”

A throb of desire fluttered between Y/N’s legs, her pussy clenching, and when she squirmed back into her pillow a little she felt the lace fabric of her own panties sliding a little more between her thighs. Her arousal had started to soak out of her and into the material.

“You want me naked?” Y/N’s words scratched their way out of her throat, trying to pull her confidence along with them.

“Oh god, please baby,” Red moaned loudly, but it didn’t sound fake. It was like Jensen had told her, it sounded like she was really enjoying this, and like she was actually getting off on what was happening between them right now. “Want to feel your skin against mine.”

“I want that too, baby,” Y/N’s hasty breaths shook her words. She stripped out of her underwear and shoved her phone and headphones down the front of her sweatshirt so she could shimmy it over her head without disconnecting the earbuds. She didn’t want to miss anything.

“God, if I was there I would kiss all over you. Bet you taste amazing,” Red sighed, and Y/N could hear something shifting over the phone, like fabric moving around.

“Are you on your bed too?” Y/N asked.

“Yep, all spread out for you baby girl.”

“Are you touching yourself?” Y/N’s confidence was starting to build as she heard how much Red sounded like she’s into this, and she couldn’t deny she was turned on too. She felt wetter than she’d been in weeks, and when her fingers drifted down over her stomach its muscles twitched in anticipation of where she was about to touch.

“Where do you want me to touch?” Y/N let her eyes slide closed, and she could imagine Red batting her lashes as she asked - where do you want me to touch? - She pictured the girl she’d seen in the photo poised over her, legs straddling Y/N’s hips as Red ran her hands over her own body, fingers trailing over her throat, fondling her breasts, twisting around the pink flesh at the tips of each, lingering on the soft of her stomach before dipping lower.

“I want you to touch between your legs and tell me how wet you are,” Y/N said between deep breaths, trying to keep her voice even.

“I’m already so wet for you, baby,” Red gasped, and Y/N hoped it was a reaction to her fingers slipping inside her pussy.

“If you were here with me, what would you do right now?”

“I’d make you watch me fuck myself on my fingers.” Holy shit, Y/N couldn’t help the moan that bled through her lips, and she heard Red chuckle. “Yeah, you like the sound of that baby?”

“Mm-hmm,” Y/N whimpered, her own fingers finally making their way between her legs and sliding easily through the slick she found there.

“I’d straddle myself right over your face, so you could see my fingers fucking my pussy, feel me dripping on you.”

“Oh, fuck.”

“And then, when my fingers are nice and soaked, you’re gonna suck them clean like a good little girl, aren’t you sweetheart?” Red’s monologue was absolutely wrecking Y/N, she wanted everything the woman on the end of the line was describing so badly. “Want you to do it to yourself, since I can’t be there to do it for you. Can you get those fingers nice and wet for me baby?”

“Fuck, yeah, okay.” Y/N pushed two fingers inside her pussy, clenching around them wantonly. She must have let out some kind of noise because Red giggled again before she continued talking.

“That’s it, fuck yourself for me baby girl, until I can do it for you.” And fucking hell, the thought of Red actually with her, touching her, fucking her… “Your fingers nice and dirty now?”

“Mm-hmm,” Y/N squeaked, pressing against her g-spot to get herself even wetter.

“Good girl,” Red hummed. “Now suck them clean for me, Y/N. Want you to taste just how sweet you are. God, wish I could taste you too,” she moaned, her breath hitching.

Y/N obeyed Red’s instructions, sucking her fingers into her mouth and twirling her tongue around them, curling it across the dips and whorls of her fingertips. She groaned around the digits in her mouth, trying to make it audible that she was doing as she was told.

“Good girl,” Red cooed again, obviously hearing Y/N’s sucking. “Good filthy girl. You’re so dirty aren’t you baby, bet you’re dripping onto the sheets right now you’re so horny.”

“Oh my god,” Y/N felt her whole body clenching as she pushed her hand back between her legs, toying with her clit and sending fresh jolts of desire to her core. “Fuck, I’m touching myself again. Couldn’t help it, you’re so hot baby.”

“I want you to touch yourself sweetie. Want you to make yourself feel so good.”

“I want you to feel good too,” Y/N whimpered, maybe stupidly, but she remembered Jensen saying that Red got off with him and she wanted the same thing. She wanted to know that Red wanted her, that Red found her sexy. She didn’t want to be in this alone.

“Oh, I am feeling so good baby girl,” Red assured Y/N, her voice brimming with sincerity and whimpers to back it up. “Fucking myself so good, pretending it’s your fingers inside me.”

“Fuck, that’s so hot,” Y/N couldn’t come up with anything more eloquent than that. The more she played with herself the foggier her brain got.

“What are you imaging right now?”

“Thinking about you, you on top of me.”

“You want me on top, huh? Want me to hold you down a little, baby?”

“Mm, yeah,” Y/N sighed, slipping two fingers from her free hand down to her entrance and pushing them inside, keeping her other hand on her clit, rolling it between her fingers. “You could hold me down, grind yourself against me. Use me to get yourself off.” Y/N’s breathing was ragged now, and the fingers inside her pussy sought out her g-spot again, starting to focus their efforts a little more concertedly on the spongy bundle of nerves.

“Oh sweetie, that’s so hot, fuck,” Red moaned heavily, her breath catching on her curse. “I’d grind against you so good. Rub our pussies together, all slick and hot, grind my clit against yours nice and hard. Fuck, touch your clit for me baby.”

“I am,” Y/N gasped, drawing fast little circles over the nub between her legs. “Fuck, want all that so bad. Think you could come like that? Just from rubbing your pussy on me, getting me all wet and dirty?”

“Fuck yes, love rubbing my pussy on yours, love grinding our clits together. I could tease you so good. Go nice and slow, wonder how long you’d last before you start begging me to let you cum.”

“I’m close,” Y/N whimpered, surprised at how true it was. She hadn’t gotten so close to cumming this quickly in ages.

“Already baby? You naughty little girl,” Red groaned, and the sound of bed springs crackled through Y/N’s earbuds too. Y/N pictured Red arching off the bed, fucking her hips into her fingers. “You want to cum for me baby?”

“Fuck, yes, yes please,” Y/N begged, feeling the muscles in her thighs and stomach starting to constrict, heat singing through her veins.

“Not yet baby, keep fucking yourself.” Y/N let out a pathetic whine in protest. “You can do that for me, can’t you sweetie. Fuck yourself on those pretty little fingers for me?”

“Yeah, yeah I am.”

“Good girl, I’m so fucking close baby.”

“Fuck, please, want you to cum. Want you to cum with me.” Y/N’s eyes squeezed tight as small pinpricks of light started to burst in the darkness of her vision.

“Gonna cum for you, baby girl,” Red cried, voice high and tight. “Fuck, I’m gonna squirt, I can feel it. Gonna squirt all over your pussy, fucking soak you.”

“Oh my god,” Y/N felt like she might actually start crying, she needed to cum so badly. She was so so so close.

“Rub that little clitty, pretend it’s me rubbing up against you. All hot and wet,” her voice was breaking, her words short and breathless, and Y/N could tell Red was as close as she was. “Gonna cum all over you. Fuck, gonna squirt so hard bet I could actually cum inside you.”

“Holy fuck!” Y/N’s hips snapped into the air, searching for the imaginary body she wished was there. It was becoming hard to hear through the intense buzzing in her ears. Every nerve in her body was pulled taut, ready to snap.

“Cum for me Y/N, c’mon baby, you can do it, want you to cum for me like the good little girl you are baby, c’mon.”

Y/N was sobbing, wrist pistoning her fingers in and out of herself faster than she ever remembered being able to move, and she felt the walls of her pussy clamping down, trying to keep the pressure inside where it wanted it. And then she couldn’t take it anymore. Everything froze. She might have screamed, but to be honest she couldn’t be too sure, because she couldn’t hear anything except the white light that had flooded the dark space behind her eyelids.

Lockdown became much more bearable after that day. Though Y/N did have to try really hard to not think about the fact that she and Jensen were kind of fucking the same girl. In a way. It was weird. But if she ignored that part, then her ‘dates’ with Red were perfect. She was finally able to release all the tension, sexual and otherwise, that this whole mess had building up in her system constantly. And eventually, the world started to open back up and things started to get just a little bit easier.

Y/N wondered what she would do when lockdown was well and truly over. When the bars and clubs opened up again, would she and Jensen go out and try to hook up like they always had before? Would everything just go back to normal? Would she still want to call Red if she was getting actual sex with a real girl, and not just her hand or a bit of silicone? Yes. The answer was most definitely yes, Y/N had to admit to herself. Even though it was just phone sex, it was still some of the best sex she’d ever had.

Well, Red is a professional, she thought to herself wryly as she spooned some froth onto the top of the cappuccino she was making. The coffee shop she worked at had reopened last week, finally.

“Y/N! Can you jump on register while I take my break?” Michelle called from the end of the counter.

“Sure thing,” Y/N smiled and wiped her hands off on her apron, making her way behind the other baristas to the cash register. She briefly glanced at the line of people waiting to order – a couple of college kids carrying some scary looking textbooks, a portly man scratching his bald patch, a pretty girl with shiny hair and awesome winged liner. Y/N blushed as she caught the eye of the girl, and immediately looked back at her tablet, typing in her register code.

“Hi there, what can I get you?” Y/N’s customer service voice was alarmingly cheery, and the two college guys blinked, startled, clearly still unused to interacting with humans again – Y/N knew the feeling, cringing internally. She made a note to dial the pep back a little.

“Hey, what can I get you?” It was the pretty girl at the front of the line now.

“Um, I’ll have a caramel latte, please,” she answered with a bright smile, red lips stretching across shockingly white teeth.

“Size?” Y/N asked, tapping the order into her tablet.

“How big can you make it?” the girl giggled, and Y/N looked up, something tugging at the back of her mind.

“Um, large?” Y/N answered absentmindedly, trying to figure out what was bugging her so much. The girl just nodded, politely accepting the fact that Y/N had skated over her joke. “Can I get a name for the order?” She grabbed the large sized cup and uncapped the marker, hand poised over the white cardboard, ready to write.

“Oh, sure. It’s Danneel.”

“Danielle?” Y/N asked, her mind still wandering.

“No, Dan– you know what, it’s a weird name. Just go with Red.”

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[i-need-air]

Hello I really like your hybrid au especially with kirishima

I was wondering if I can request one with kirishima hybrid where reader gets kidnapped because someone from the old ring wants revenge and kirishima is looking for them

Wow, I took some time with this because it was hard to place Kiri in such a situation. I hope I gave it justice. This is not my usual fluff since it's a darker theme, so yeah. Hope it was worth the wait though! Enjoy and tell me if you liked it!! 💕💕

Word count: 4k [ I... I got carried away... and I still feel it's short 💀 ]

Warnings: kidnapping, blood, mentions of abuse, guns, Kiri's past being f'd up, insults [?], hint towards assault;

[ Masterlist ] [ Main Hybrid!Kirishima HCs ]

× this man is all about safety

× asks you to send him a message whenever you arrive safely at home or wherever you're going

× it's super-sweet and really helpful; your well being is everything to him after all

× yet one evening you didn't arrive on time

× no message, nothing

× he was waiting and paying attention to time since he wanted to suggest going out to watch a movie, but you didn't arrive

× one hour later he finds himself frowning at the clock, tapping his foot in wonder

× he sent you a message; the fact that it send but you didn't receive it unsettled him more, to which he decided to call— "The phone you're trying to reach is disconnected or no longer in service."

× did you run out of battery? was that even possible?

× what seals the deal is a DM he receives from a throwaway account on social media he was so active and known on.

× "We've got your little toy. You know where to find us, Red Riot. Come alone or they die." and attached was a pictute of you, on the floor, possibly unconscious, hands tied behind your back.

× a collar was placed by your side; he knew what it was.

× his blood ran cold, a freezing shiver electrified through his spine as he jumped out of the couch, terrorized and more importantly raging mad

× Red Riot: a name he tried to forget; a name people shouted at him in praise as they put bets on his head; a name he's been given as he fought friends and foes; a name that brought back pain and suffering. A name he didn't want to taint his new life with.

× he did not take any time to leave the house in a hurry, his eyes burning with unshed tears.

× Kirishima didn't know where his friends were, so he found himself on his own, outside your apartment complex, taking a deep breath in; he could find you; he had to find you even if it was the last thing he did, yet he had to do it alone.

× he spotted your car in the parking lot— in a blink he was by it's side, just spotting your belongings inside and the car-keys still in

× uncontrollable rage took over him as he still sniffed your scent in the air.

× you've been here and because of him, now you weren't; you're gone; you've been attacked too, the window smashed and blood running down the door

× he sniffed again, noticing how it wasn't your blood— relief didn't come since he did recognize the other scent; his dealer.

× "You fucking mutt!" he growled above the red-haired man chained to the wall, fist closed readied to make impact.

× Kirishima growled lowly, remembering.

× "You fucking made me lose ten fucking grands because you didn't want to finish that fucking beast!" his screams could be heard throughout the hallways.

× He got inside the car.

× "You and your fucking group, you think you're too good to fucking follow MY ORDERS—" a crack could be heard as the punch collided with the hybrid's jaw, yet it did little to no damage to him. Curses followed, making the man almost chuckle, yet chose not to, knowing the damage it would bring. "YOU PATHETIC PIECE OF— I FUCKING BROKE MY HAND, SHIT!" he yanked him by the hair with his other hand, pulling hard. "I'm gonna make you regret the day you were born." And if it weren't for his improvised family, Kirishima would've been regretting that day anyway without his assistance.

× He sped off, fingers whitening on the steering wheel because of his harsh grip. Tears now ran freely on his cheeks with no conscious attempt made to be stopped.

× Only two places haven't been raided by the Hybrid Protection Services came to mind, deemed as abandoned yet for those that knew the insides, the buildings were definitely used mostly as hideouts and for special occasions

× few escaped from being detained by the police, yet word came to him that the bastard, Mawler as he liked to call himself, was caught; it didn't seem to be the case and as he drove, Kirishima could only think he'd make the fucker regret the day he was born; a bitter laugh left his lips, hating himself for a moment. Although the image of a friend came in his mind, imagining him slapping his back in a poor attempt to motivate him. That's what he would say too.

× the self-hatred washed off; for you he'd do anything.

× he rushed to the first location; it used to be a club with an underground arena, in which he himself fought in countless times

× his neck itched as he gritted his teeth; the memory of the electric collar they had to have on while almost killing each other made him want to vomit

× a deep growl left his frame; gutural, dark, menacing; they wanted the Red Riot? it seems they forgot where he really got that name from;

× he only saw blood on the way there.

× he parked not too far but tried to keep a low profile although his big frame didn't help in a stealth situation. Kirishima knew he's in for trouble, but what else could he do?

× —

× you blinked, blinded by the light that shined harshly in your face

× "Would you look at that, fellas? Guess who's wakin' up?" you had no time to panic, just flashes of the quick encounter just by your house appearing in your mind as a boot collided with your stomach, making you wince in pain

× What was going on? What the hell happened?

× "Aww, don't make that face..." someone mocked. "Save it for when Red Riot comes along, baby." he whispered harshly at you, venom in his voice.

× you muttered "—Riot?" in daze, placing your knees as close to your chest for protection; your head hurt badly, a throbbing pain coming from the back of it.

× laughed echoed around you; "He didn't fucking tell you? How much of a fucking BEAST he was?!"; other voices joined in... two more voices, but you couldn't be sure

× memories came back at you; how you were arriving late but decided to not send any message since you were driving; parking, gathering your stuff, the sound of crystal breaking—

× but nothing else;

× "You don't fucking know what your piece of shit of a mutt even did before acting like a perfect little boyfriend, didn't ya?" the same venom filled voice came closer to you, giving you the chance to finally see his ugly scowl and to imprint his stupidly face in your mind;

× were they talking about Kirishima? Your Kirishima? He never really got into detail about his previous life yet made it clear he was forced to fight for the entertainment of others— did they fucking think he had a choice?

× yet you remained silent; it seems Kiri knew you'd be there and your concussion didn't really help you to think straight and form any plan;

× something could be heard outside, a crash of some sort and everyone stood still for a good second.

× "He—... He's here already?" one of them whispered. A clicking made you freeze. You snapped your head up in terror, only knowing that sound from movies, a sound so scary you really didn't think you'd hear it in real life; guns.

× "I fucking send that message 20 minutes ago..." Ugly Scowl said, taken back in surprise. His eyes, dark and void of goodness snapped on you, an unsure smile painting over him. "I wanted to have some fun with ya."

× your body couldn't control the shiver that ran through it, from head to toes, and he noticed, turning his uncertain smile into a sadistic one; your face was probably a dead giveaway too.

× but Eijirou was there and deep down you knew there was nothing to fear; except for the guns.

× the red-head wasn't dumb, he knew this world a million times better than you, so he must've known; with a flood of nervousness piling up in your stomach, you blinked the stinging feeling in your eyes away and hoped for the best.

× "Go check that fucking sound, retards!" he then screamed, two sets of footsteps rushing at his orders; it seemed he was the "boss" of whatever the hell this small group of pieces of shit was and hated your boyfriend's guts.

× should you talk? should you not? what's the best possible outcome out of this?

× your wrists stung, locked harshly with what felt like a rope; in a poor attempt to move your fingers to feel if you could, in an ideal world, free your hands, the man caught your movements instantly; he yanked you by the neck, lifting you off the ground with no difficulty and that's when you noticed he was strong, muscular, big; his frame wasn't as massive as Eijirou's by any chance but massive enough to make you reconsider any attempt to escape. "Don't even fucking think about it, dear."

× his breath, foul and heavy, hit your face and you almost gagged; he was watching you, observing your face in search of something. Through a nod he hummed at himself.

× "Not bad, Riot." his nose hit your cheek as he breathed you in and a whimper left you, guts screaming danger; he snickered. "It's okay, I like them when they cry." he mocked your tears in a heavy whisper, which you didn't notice until he pointed them out.

× a snap could be heard from inside the building, possibly on the floor above; were you underground?

× the disgusting man by your side lifted himself up, throwing you on the floor like garbage. He lifted his gun and narrowed his eyes towards the stairs.

× "Be good and maybe I'll keep you for myself after I hunt your mutt down." he said between gritted teeth. You just started praying for the man you loved, still trying to figure out a way to at least hide before this scum used you as a threat more than he did already.

× —

× Kirishima watched them from the shadows; his breath was heavy yet silent, his enhanced vision saw the two low-life mobs he sometimes noticed following Mawler whenever he went; he took in consideration their stance; of course they'd bring weapons—

× his mind drifted to one of his trainers, EraserHead, and on the few moments of aloofness he let himself have around the younger ones put in his charge; "Humans are easily fooled—" he'd grin lazily. "And very easy to scare."

× with determination like he's never had before, he grabbed a rock; if he had to reach you, he'd have to do the only thing he was never good at: being stealthy.

× he rushed to the left of the back entrance, hidden behind a beaten up car as he threw the small rock in the opposite direction and in any other situation he'd find himself amused, EraserHead's words on replay in his mind. One of the guys almost jumped in place at the sound, gun fastly jerked into its general direction with trembling hands.

× with no second to spare, he entered the building, his speed impressive—

× no sound was made, but what helped him greatly was that one of them started talking into the nothingness; "We know you're there, you bastard!"

× the other one was now searching inside the building, yet his head turned towards his companion outside; sadly for the poor idiot, it only took a punch in the jaw to immobilize him and knock him out entirely. He took the guns from the now unconscious body and put them in his belt and pocket, yet had no intention to use any.

× the second one left outside was still talking a whole monologue, making the man sweat drop; was this Mawler's plan? he wasn't known to use his brain much...

× yet he wasn't as easy to take down as Kirishima wanted it to be; he turned around, probably uneased by the lack of response of his partner, suspicious and more on the edge; he could feel it, his nervousness, his fear; another bitter grin appeared on Eijirou's features.

× "Jackal?" his voice hid fear behind it.

× they definitely knew the damage he could do and the hybrid was glad they did, wanting them to be terrified, his predator instincts washing over.

× he jumped on him, kicking the pistol out of his hands in a heartbeat and making him stumble backwards, losing his balance; it happened in a blurr, old feeling of being in the ring, fist to fist, tail low and ready to pounce. He was in his element once again and God, he hated himself when he let go of all the pain and broke his arm, the sweet image of your smiling face as you burried yourself into the same arms he hurt people with always in the back of his mind.

× before he could realize, the other woke up from the knockout; he heard rushed steps towards him and a snapping sound. The blabbering idiot was on the ground now, breathing but beaten to a pulp and everything stood still for a good second.

× he got hit? in the back of his head? With just one glance he saw a broken wooden plank and blinked stupidly; did he seriously think—?

× Kirishima grinned and in an instant he grabbed Jackal's head and smashed it into his knee.

× —

× you could hear his steps; you knew it was him; heavy yet trying to conceal them poorly; your man was walking around the floor above and you sniffled your nose at the thought.

× he was absolutely massive and nothing about him was silent; gentle, yes, but silent? laughable. Even in this horrendous situation you closed your eyes lovingly at the thought. He's here.

× "Those damned fucking useless pieces of shit—" Oh, yeah. Him.

× the barrel was suddently pointed at your head and any thoughts you had abandoned your brain completely

× utter terror overwashed your senses in every way as you stared at it with wide eyes

× "Let's see if he fucking likes this—"

× —

× the only way down for the public was the stairway; not even those useless guards knew the hidden entrance his friends and him used once; they had to come back though, the guilt and knowledge that if they're found to be gone would make Mawler execute everyone else.

× a low window painted black that led to a storage room behind the filthy bathrooms and the place they'd be kept in cages; he ran on the first floor, approaching the stairs before jumping on the dusty metal bar, now completely silent and praying his poor attempt at a bait worked.

× in no time he was outside again and in even less of a second he found himself by said window leading to the underground arena.

× —

× "Maybe if I hurt you a little bit, he'll come to his senses." He grinned, gun's safety lever clicked, now pointed at your stomach.

× you saw your vision blurr and you really, really wanted to say something but didn't know what to; your lips trembled and you bit them in the hopes of showing at least some courage before getting shot but you couldn't help closing your eyes.

× the sound was so loud; an obnoxiously loud bang shook the room or maybe just shook you to the core, then warmth engulfed you wholly.

× it gripped into you so strongly yet no damage came; "I got you, baby." came as a whisper in your ear and just as you snapped your eyes to see his red, sweet, gorgeous red eyes look at you tenderly, he was gone.

× nothing was said; just a rush of screams and silence; your kidnapper tried to shoot again or so you saw but he was jumped on instantly; that's when you noticed Eijirou was growling like a wild animal and was covered with blood.

× he was like a hurricane, like a bulldozer, like an unstoppable force that destroyed with no mercy; covered in red and splatters due to his constant attacks just painted him with more of it;

× you were looking at Red Riot and your stomach dropped; this is what he was made to be and you cried when he did not stop beating the man underneath him.

× "Baby, stop—" you'd whisper, really trying to get up and barely making it to stay in a seating position, kinda desperate; and he indeed stopped at your plea, froze actually.

× the poor devil under him was groaning, gargling whatevers but it didn't matter; he was looking at you, shocked and you could see the fear in his eyes...

× was it bad that it didn't matter to you? as long as he didn't kill them, as long as justice got to them and furthermore kept Kirishima by your side forever, it didn't matter to you; it was instant, that thought.

× but as he stood there frozen, taking in your nerves and sudden relief, your crying face filled with worry; you took him in too... how his back was getting soaked in blood, running through his shirt down, and down, leaking...

× he got shot for you;

× "Please, leave him, help me and—" he turned a little, ashamed yet mute.

× like a scolded child, unsure; he was bleeding but he was scared of you; he had a hole in his back but he was hurting for your reaction.

× you sniffled again, getting on your knees, pain striking in your stomach but ignoring it; "Eijirou, come to me, please."

× and he did, all so gracefully, so fast and without a single wince; as if he knew pain more than he should've.

× your hands were instantly freed

× his silence killed you inside, it really did. This man, this amazing creature that beamed like the brightest star in the sky was now somber, dull...

× your phone was thrown on the floor as they tampered with it and you rushed, with trembling hands and uncertainty at his attitude to call the police; he was still to say anything, just staying on his knees in front of you, head low and teary eyes.

× he just muttered the location when they asked you about it but that's it; the operator asked questions yet you didn't care to answer them, just saying you need an ambulance too before closing the call to crawl towards him, taking his torso into your arms careful not to touch the wound on his back.

× he then cried harder into your neck, almost falling into your embrace, accepting it but his hands didn't move to touch you, laying unmoving on his sides.

× "I'm so—" he hiccuped. "I'm so sorry, [Y/N]." His frame was shaking more and more;

× "I love you, Eijirou." It's all you could say. Really, your brain just screamed for you to tell him that, as if you felt it's what he needed to hear the most.

× guilty; blaming himself; putting himself down;

× he shuddered into you as your hands, tired and sore, reached for his sweat soaked hair to stroke it gently.

× "You came for me. You saved me. Thank yo—"

× "Don't! It's all my fault—" his voice broke for a second, hands turning into fists and the only thing grounding him was your scent invading his nostrils. "You're hurt because of me..."

× you cried with him too, gluing his head more into you, peppering his face with shaky butterfly kisses.

× "It's not your fault, it was never your fault, Eijirou." you shook in place as you reassured him. Word by word, sentence by sentence, you let him know he's just as much of a victim being chased by his past, a past he was forced to have; he came for you, he rushed to save you, he took a bullet for you and yet again, he acted like it was nothing, as if the pain of putting you in danger was greater than any damage he could take.

× his hands encircled you and for the first time since you saw him after waking up to this nightmare, he winced in pain but did not let you go. Instead, he pressed your body into his, fearing you'd dissapear.

× you asked him if you should cover the wound, not really knowing what to do for now; you'd have time to talk, you'd have time to reassure him again and again and again, but now you had to make sure he was fine.

× he shook his head, feeling his nose tickle your neck in the process; "Leave it, I've taken worse." And with that statement you cried harder.

× the police sirens could be heard in the distance, accompanied by the ambulance one...

× —

× so much time passed; so many hours without sleep; police station, explanations, Kirishima almost getting arrested in the spot and being incarcerated, hospital, lawyers, more questioning...

× everything was explained, everything kinda settled for the never-ending day, knowing it wouldn't be the last time you'd have to visit said police station, already sure you'd follow Kirishima there without hesitancy to make sure he's treated correctly, but for now... home.

× the bullet didn't reach any vital organ even if he was hit square in the back and for a normal human it would've meant a hit in one of the lungs, but not for a hybrid—

× still, it didn't hurt less to see him in that state;

× your car was sealed and taken away as evidence, so a taxi home was your only way there.

× hands locked and much, so much to talk about ahead of you but one thing sure

× "I love you." You squeezed his hand, catching his attention, loving how his lips curled in a small smile, not as bright as usual, but still, his smile.

× "I love you more." Was his usual response yet this time it was shy, not looking into your eyes but somewhere behind you, out the window. You frowned and shook his hand to catch the attention fully.

× "No. You don't seem to get it." You led his big, strong, scarred hand to your lips, kissing the back of it softly. "I love you, Kirishima Eijirou. So much."

× the car ride was silent as he took in your words and you couldn't help but enjoy the way his eyes widened, now having his full attention as his cheeks reddened slightly, knowing he's been caught putting himself down.

× he let out a breathless chuckle, so small but with it his shoulders fell in relief. He nodded, watching his hand holding yours and gulped, your words repeating in a loop in his mind.

× Eijirou was so easy to read, so transparent and honest and it warmed heart to ser him accept your words, words you've said countless times before this incident and without a doubt in the future until they engraved permanently in his heart.

× he chuckled again at your expression, catching your gaze and holding it until a smile broke on his face, this time big and warm, just like him. The smile you wanted to see all along.

× he cried again through it, passing his free palm over his eyes for a second; "You're my everything, [Y/N]." he'd pull you into his chest, inhaling your scent. "I love you." he squeezed you close.

[grandexodus]

Breaking and Entering - (Part Three)

Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader

A/N:  This is the first finished short story I’ve written in years.  While I still need to write more often, I’m thrilled that you guys have enjoyed this mini series.  If you have any feedback, criticism, or requests my inbox is always open.  Thank you for the support.

Rating: T

Word Count: 1,933

Content Warnings:  discussion of stabbing (wound), stalking, breaking and entering, animal abuse (not explicitly detailed), blood, fighting, light cursing.  Fem reader insert, she/her pronouns.

Summary:  When the replicator continues their criminal activity, you find yourself as their target upon arriving home from a long case with the BAU.  Aaron Hotchner, your unit chief, is more than accommodating during the string of traumatic events that you endure before, during, and after the replicator case.  

Previous Part // First Part

Listen to the playlist based on this story -> Spotify // Apple

“There’s only one bedroom, so you can have it.  I’ll take the couch.”  Hotch stated.

“Hotch-” You started.

“Aaron,”  He corrected.

“Aaron, I’m not taking the only bed in the house.  I’ll take the couch.”  You said as you set your go bag on the ottoman.

“Y/n, I’m not the one with an injury.  You should take the bed.”  He insisted.  

“Daddy.”  Jack came into the living room.  His babysitter was following close behind.

“Sorry.”  The sitter mouthed from behind Jack.

“Hey, buddy.  Listen, it’s really late, so you should get back to bed.”  Hotch said as he hugged his son.

“Is y/n going to stay the night?”  Jack asked tiredly.  Though a twinge of excitement was evident.

“Yeah, she’s going to stay with us for a little while.  She’ll be sleeping in my room, so if you need me I’ll be in the living room, okay.”  Hotch explained.

“Why don’t you share your room like I do with my friends?”  Jack asked innocently.

“Well, Jack, I think that’s up to y/n.”  A smile spread across Hotch’s face.

“I don’t mind.”  You said as you gave Jack a warm smile.

“I’m going to head out.  Goodnight, guys.”  The babysitter said.

“Goodnight, Jessica.  Thank you.”  Hotch said sincerely.

“Goodnight, Jack.”  Jessica smiled and gave a small wave before leaving. 

Hotch looked at you, “Have a seat, I’ll be back.”  He turned his attention back to Jack, “Come on, Jack.  I’ll tuck you in.”  

You took a seat on the couch.  You couldn’t help but smile to yourself as you noticed how happy Hotch was when he was with his kid.  It was endearing.

“I’m sure you’re more than ready for bed.”  Hotch said upon returning to the living room.

He picked up your go bag, and he slung it over his shoulder.  “You have no idea.”  You stood up, and Hotch almost immediately had an arm around you to support you as you walked.

The walk to the bedroom was a short one.  “There’s a bathroom right through there, and this will be your side of the bed.”  Hotch gestured to each location.

“I’m going to get cleaned up real quick.”  you said.  You were suddenly sheepish now that you were in his room.  He nodded, and you took your go bag into the bathroom.  

You quickly removed what was left of your makeup, brushed your teeth, and changed into your pajamas.  When you returned to the bedroom, Hotch was changed and lying in bed reading.  You crawled on to your side of the bed, thankful to finally be off the clock.  Hotch closed his book, set it on the nightstand, and turned off the lamp.

“If you need anything, let me know.  Even if you have to wake me up.”  His voice was low.

“Okay.”  There was a moment of silence.  “Aaron.”

“Yes.”

“Thank you for everything today.”  At first he was silent.  However, within seconds he found your hand and laced his fingers with yours.  

“You’re welcome.” 

You smiled to yourself, and before long the two of you were asleep, hand in hand.

***

It had been four days since the replicator had broken into your apartment.  You had stayed with Hotch and Jack the entire time.  You, Hotch, and Jack had said your goodnights two hours ago, and Hotch had been snoring peacefully for about an hour.  You had just rolled onto your side and closed your eyes when you heard your phone vibrate against the nightstand.  You grabbed it and unlocked the screen, squinting until your eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness.  Once your eyes focused, you opened the text notification.  

Your heart sank to your stomach.

Unknown ID:  ZUGZWANG

“Aaron.”  Your voice came out in a whisper, and he didn’t stir.  “Aaron.”  You said louder.

“Hm.”  He groaned.

“It’s the replicator.”  You couldn’t keep your voice steady no matter how hard you tried.  Hotch was alert at the sound of your words.  You handed him the phone and watched as he read the text.  

“I’ll call the team.”  If he wasn’t wide awake before, he definitely was now.

He called the team into the office before calling Jessica to come pick up Jack.  

“Y/n, I want you to stay here.  Whoever did this will be expecting you to work the case.”  Hotch stated as he hurriedly got ready.

“Aaron, I can hold my own in the field.”  You argued.

“Y/n, this is an order, not a suggestion.”  You hadn’t heard him this harsh in a very long time.  He sighed when he noticed your taken aback expression.  He came over to you and placed his hands on either of your cheeks.  He looked down at you, as you were sitting on the edge of the bed.  “I’m sorry,”  He started, “I didn’t mean to sound so harsh.  I just have to keep you safe.”  You felt heat rise to your cheeks.  “I guarantee you would be safe if you worked this case as you are the target.”  

You couldn’t muster up a response that was anything more than an understanding nod.  This man was driving you absolutely insane.  He removed his gentle hold on your face and finished getting ready.  I felt like a mere matter of minutes had passed before he and Jack were out of the house.  

You certainly couldn’t go back to sleep.  You were far too anxious.  Last time your nerves ran this wild you at least had the privilege of busying yourself with a case.  Now, you had nothing.

There was a small stack of books on the nightstand on Hotch’s side of the bed.  Surely he wouldn’t mind you borrowing one to keep you at ease.  You scooted over to his side of the bed and skimmed the book’s titles.  Most of them were informative regarding law in some way.  Those weren’t necessarily your cup of tea.  However, at the very bottom of the stack was George Orwell’s ‘1984.’  You retrieved the book from the stack before you propped yourself up on Hotch’s side of the bed and began to read.

A few hours had passed and you hadn’t heard any updates from the team.  Perhaps they weren’t updating you in order to keep you as uninvolved as possible.  Undoubtedly per Hotch’s orders.  As much as you tried to focus on the book, you could only manage to read a few sentences at a time before allowing your mind to wander.  

The sound of the front door closing pulled you from your anxiety ridden trance.  Your brow furrowed.  It couldn’t possibly be Hotch.  He would have let you know the case closed and he was on his way home.  It was far too quiet of an entrance to be Jessica and Jack.

Your heart began to pound as whoever was in the house got closer to the bedroom.  In an instant, you dialed Hotch and placed your phone face down on the bed.  

The bedroom door burst open.  Your breath caught in your throat.

“So, we finally meet face to face.”  An older man began stalking toward you.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  You spoke quickly, unable to hide your panic.  You were trying to focus on the man and search the room for anything that could be used as a weapon at the same time.  That venture wasn’t proving to be easy.

“Y/n, or should I say special agent y/l/n,”  He paused, “You know why I’m here.”

“Do I?”  You questioned as you took a step back.

“I was supposed to be where you are, an agent in the BAU, but you took that away from me.”  He stepped closer.  There were only a few feet between the two of you.

“We’re going to do things my way, or not only will you get your brains blown out,”  He flashed the gun that was tucked into the waist of his trousers, “but this whole place explodes.”  He took another step.  “You see, y/n, in ten minutes the bomb in the garage is going to go off.”  He was calm.  He had been planning for this moment for a long time.  “But before it does, I’d like to have a little fun before it does.”  He was now only a few inches away from you.  You had to think quickly if you stood any chance of getting out alive. 

Without hesitation, you stomped on his foot as hard as you could.  As he doubled over you swiftly brought your knee up to his face.  Before he could regain his composure, you snagged the lamp from the nightstand and shattered the base against his head.  You saw your chance to make a run for it, and you limped as fast as you could to the bedroom door.  

You were almost to the door when you were slung to the floor by your shoulder.  The man held you on the floor with a foot on your throat, just barely pressing down.  “One move and I’ll crush your windpipe.”  He threatened.  In one swift motion he pulled a knife from his pant pocket and crouched next to you.  He smirked as he ran the back of the knife down your cheek.  You shivered against the cold metal.  

“Rumor has it you got a pretty nasty stab wound.”  He moved the knife to your wounded leg.  “Let me guess, the wound is right,”  He tapped your shin with the blade, “about,”  he tapped your knee, “here.”  He plunged the blade into your healing wound.  

Instantaneously, a blood curdling scream rose up from your core.  It was all you could do to stay conscious.  Tears ran down your cheeks as you frantically looked around for anything to use as a weapon.  There was nothing.  

“FBI, hands where I can see them.”  Rossi stood behind the man with his gun drawn.  With a glare in your direction, the man raised his hands, leaving the blade in your thigh.  Rossi holstered his weapon and cuffed the unsub.

“Y/n.”  Hotch came barreling in.  He collapsed beside you as Rossi left the room.  “I need a medic.”  Hotch shouted over his radio before returning his attention to you.  

“Try not to move.”  Hotch said.  “I’m so sorry.”  You hadn’t ever seen him like this.  His eyes flooded with fear, with worry.  He brushed the hair out of your face and left his hand resting on your cheek.

“Don’t apologize.”  You winced and placed your hand on top of his, “You couldn’t have known.”  Without warning he leaned down and pressed his lips against yours.  Immediately, you gave into the kiss, ignoring the butterflies raging in your stomach.

“Sir, I need you to back away.”  The medics were finally in the room.

“Wait, there’s a-” You suddenly remembered the bomb in the garage.

“It’s diffused, we heard everything during the phone call.”  Hotch reassured you and you let out a sigh of relief.  “The house is safe.”  He still had his hand in yours, “You’re safe.”  He gave it a gentle squeeze before letting go so the medics could get you on to a stretcher.  “I’ll meet you at the hospital.”  He said as he stood up.  

“Can’t you ride with me?”  you asked, exhausted.  Hotch looked at one of the medics for permission.  The medic simply nodded. 

“Of course.”  Hotch said.

“Thank you, Aaron.”  you reached for his hand and quickly laced your fingers with his.

He didn’t say anything before softly planting a kiss on the back of your hand as he followed you and the medics outside.

[redhoodssweetheart]

By the Sea Part Ten

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Mermaid!Reader

Requested: No (Requests are closed except for a few, see pinned post for details. I also no longer do taglists)

Word Count: 1.8K

Warnings: Angst, fluff, talks of being drunk

Description:   Y/N is a mermaid that longs for the land.  Her friend Natasha tells her that she knows a human who will take care of her and leads her there, she only has one rule: do not under any circumstances fall in love with a human.  But Steve’s friend Bucky is drawing her in, in ways she hadn’t expected.  Will Y/N be able to return to the ocean once her stay in the human realm is complete?  And what happens when Natasha learns that Y/N is betrothed to be married to their king’s son?  Will she drag her friend back or keep her hidden amongst the humans?

Y/N walked down to the docks with a basket of food in hand.  Steve had been spending more time at the docks trying to sort through the shipments and get the items delivered to the shop owners in the village.  With the summer festival quickly approaching Steve had become busier and busier as more ships approached their small harbor.  Y/N missed having him around all the time, but she understood his feelings.  More people had been flocking to her shop to buy flower arrangements and petals for the festivities.  She often came back home tired and going immediately to sleep after the day.

“Y/N, what are you doing here?”  Steve rushed over to her when one of the dock workers alerted him to her presence.  “You know you shouldn’t be this close to the water.”

“I’m fine, Steve,” she assured him.  “No mermaid would dare come this close to the human docks in the daytime.”

He shook his head and took the basket out of her hands, “Well excuse me for worrying about your safety.”

Y/N chuckled and gently placed a kiss to his cheek, “Will I see you tonight or will I be entertaining the boys and Natasha alone?”

“I’ll try, but I’m not sure how long we’ll be here.”  Steve hated that he was so busy, but he couldn’t just abandon his post with how close the festival was.  He had to be here to make sure that nothing was going to go wrong.

Y/N understood, “All right, well I’m going to head back to my shop and relieve Bucky of counter duty and then I’ll head home and help Nat get ready for dinner tonight.  If you don’t make it home, dinner will be waiting for you as always.”

“Thank you, Y/N.  I’ll see you later,” he turned back to his shipment manifest and began talking to some of the sailors that were beginning to approach him.  

Y/N headed back to her shop where Bucky was laughing awkwardly at a group of young women that had him cornered.  Y/N frowned as one of the women reached up and placed her hand on Bucky’s chest.  Y/N didn’t like that the younger woman was touching him so familiarly as if she had a right to do so.

Marching over she grabbed Bucky’s hand and pulled him away from the girls who were now glaring at her.  Bucky looked relieved that Y/N had finally arrived.  The young women had cornered him five minutes before and were cooing over him.  “Thank you for covering for me, Bucky.  Can you please head home and make sure everything is ready for dinner tonight.”  She didn’t glance at the women, but she could feel their glares on the side of her face.

Bucky bent down and brushed a kiss to her cheek, “Happily.”  He turned toward the young women and said, “Now that the lovely owner of the shop is back I’m sure she would be more than happy to help you with anything you need.”

Y/N smiled at them and said, “Yes, was there anything in particular that you were looking for?”

“No, we were just leaving,” the one that had brazenly touched Bucky said. “The flowers look wilted anyways.”  She and the others hastily left, leaving Y/N and Bucky in the store alone.

Bucky relaxed and wrapped his arms around Y/N’s waist, “I never thought you’d show.  They cornered me five minutes ago and wouldn’t let me leave.”

Y/N patted Bucky’s chest, “I see I have to keep an eye on the young women here because that is not the first time I’ve noticed them eyeing you.”  She had seen it sometimes when they were out together, strolling hand in hand down the street.  The young women would elbow one another and point in Bucky’s direction.

Y/N had asked Natasha about it and she said that that was how some women were.  They didn’t care if a man was in a relationship as long as he was attractive and wasn’t wearing a ring he was considered fair game.  She had told Y/N that Bucky only seemed to have eyes for her, but that wasn’t going to stop others from trying to pull him away from her.

“I don’t know why they even bother, even before you came I never paid attention to them when they tried to talk to me or seduce me.  I had hoped they would have given up now that I was with you,” he admitted.

“It’s fine, you’re an attractive man and Natasha warned me that flirting is a part of human culture.  But the joke is on them because I know you’d never leave me,” she twined their fingers together and shyly smiled at him.

Bucky grinned and pressed his forehead gently against hers, “Yeah?”

“Mmmhmm,” she hummed.  “I’m not going to give you up so easily.  I love you too much.”

“I love you too much too,” he told her before he gently pressed his lips against hers, and then stepped out of her embrace, “Okay so I’m gonna go start preparing for dinner.  Natasha should be at Steve’s, yes?”  Y/N nodded her head.  “Great, I’ll see you there,” he pecked her on the lips one last time before heading out the door and down the street toward Steve’s.

Natasha was swimming toward Steve’s home when someone grabbed her hand and pulled her to a stop.  She turned to tell whoever it was to leave when she saw Loki behind her.  His face set in a frown.  Natasha’s heart started hammering in her chest and she quickly dipped into a bow.

“Your Highness, I wasn’t expecting to see you.  What can I do for you?”  Had he figured out where Y/N was?  What did he want?

“Where do you go during the day, Natasha?  You’ve been gone a lot lately, and your friends are worried about you ever since Y/N’s disappearance.  They say you’ve been acting strangely.”

“Have they?”  Natasha tried to keep her voice even as she spoke.  “I’m just looking for Y/N, I’m just as worried about her as everyone else.”

“Tell me, is she at the human village not far from here?  You spent some time there when you were younger, yes?”

“How did you know about that?”  Natasha didn’t think anyone had known about her staying at that village, she had always been so careful.

“It’s odd that Y/N would disappear just as you had all those years ago.  Just tell me the truth, Natasha.  Is that where Y/N is?”  Natasha had a lie poised and ready to go, but she couldn’t bring herself to say it.  She already knew that he knew that the village is where Y/N was.  Loki took her silence as a yes, “Who is the boy she’s in love with?”

Natasha’s mouth opened slightly, “What are you going to do?”

“Nothing yet, I have to plan this just right, and you’re going to help me.  If we don’t bring her back soon I can’t frame this to my father as Y/N didn’t run away.”  He let go of Natasha, “I’m only trying to save Y/N.  I don’t want her to be on the run for the rest of her life.”  With that, he swam away from her leaving her feeling like she was caught in a riptide.

She swam to Steve’s and when she entered the house she was thankful that it was empty.  It gave her time to compose herself before the others began appearing.  She had no idea what she was supposed to do.  She knew that Y/N was happy here with Steve and Bucky and the others.  How could she make her friend give this up to be in a miserable marriage where she will never be allowed to see them ever again?  But at the same time how could she let her friend be a fugitive?

She had been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn’t even heard Bucky come into the kitchen until he was waving one of his hands in front of her face, “Natasha, are you all right?”

She blinked a couple of times as she reoriented herself, “I’m fine, how long have you been here?”

“Only a couple of minutes, I just came from Y/N’s shop,” he gave her a bashful smile.  “I’m just here to help and make sure everything is ready for tonight.”

Natasha smiled at Bucky, “You really care about her, don’t you?”

He nodded his head, “I do, I don’t know how, but she’s become an important part of my life and I can’t see myself without her by my side.  From the moment I first saw her to now I’ve only grown more fond of her.”

“Sounds like you love her,” Natasha said slyly.

Bucky’s cheeks began to heat and he stammered for the right words to say, “Well, I um, I can’t, uh, yeah.”

“She seems happier here,” Natasha admitted.  “I think it’s been good for her here.  She always seemed lonely back home, never really fit in there. I think it’s because part of her always belonged here with you all.”

“I never thought I’d feel this way about someone,” he told Natasha.  “Everyone always seemed so fake and obsessed with money or their looks, but not Y/N.  She came here and saw beauty in everything, and saw me for who I am rather than what I can offer her in the long run.”

“I’m home!”  Y/N shouted from the entryway as she placed her things on the hooks and table that Steve had designated as a drop-off spot.

Natasha nudged Bucky, “Go greet her, I know you want to.”

Bucky flashed Natasha a bright smile before rushing off to greet Y/N.  She was making her way down the hall when Bucky appeared and swept her into his arms, “Whoa!”  She laughed as her feet were lifted off the ground.  “Didn’t we just see one another,” she asked with a laugh.

“We did,” he said as he sat her down and held her close, “but I missed you.”

Y/N’s heart leapt in her chest and she bit her lip trying to keep the goofy grin off her face, “I missed you too.”

“If you two are done being disgustingly cute, could you please come help me finish the rest of dinner?”  Natasha asked with a huff as she poked her head around the corner.

“Coming,” Y/N chimed right before she pecked Bucky on the cheek and wormed her way out of his embrace.  “Come on, let’s go help with dinner.”  He took her hand and followed her to the kitchen where they proceeded to help Natasha with dinner and annoy her at the same time with how they couldn’t keep their hands off of one another.

But she had to admit, she was glad to see how happy her friend was and hoped that Y/N could stay like this forever.

[hallowed-be-thy-username]

Can we get uhh joker with an girl who's afraid of loud noises like yelling, thunder, ect?

Hello, anon! Thank you for the request, you’re my first one! 💖

I took a guess on what genre you preferred and figured fluff would be a good choice. A bit ooc for our clown but hey, it’s fluff. I hope it’s what you were looking for and that you like it!!

Self-insert, Ledger Joker x fem reader (no other details on appearance, etc for your imagination to complete)

Word count: 1,611

Warnings: noise phobia, shouting/fighting, thunderstorm, flash back about attempted mugging, adult language, graphic threat of violence (it’s still nice, I promise 😂)

Phonophobia

Not again.

The neighbors were at it again. At least once a month, the couple next door would spend the evening screaming at each other. Your old apartment building on the edge of downtown Gotham was far from sound proof, the near paper-thin walls serving as a mere sieve for their harsh words spat at full volume. And what made it even worse was that a storm was brewing in the dark outside.

You’ve had a problem with loud noise since you were young. It’s difficult to explain, but the anxiety it could trigger was sometimes overwhelming. Fireworks, concerts, construction sites, storms, it feels like your ears amplify the sounds even more. It vibrates your skull and closes in on you, weighing heavy and making you feel so small to a point where sometimes you felt like you could barely breathe.

You thought about doing something, saying something, to the people next door to get them to stop but the idea of confronting them only made the anxiety worse and you curled into a little ball on your couch in the small living room.

A rumble from the sky carried the threat of impending thunder to your ears and your chest tightened. Oh no, no, no, no. This has happened a few times before, too many sounds at once and you shut down in a full blown panic attack, your head pounding with each and every vibration.

You really didn’t want to be alone. You were in your late twenties but didn’t really have friends. You’d left home when you were sixteen out of necessity and since then focused on fending for yourself for so many years in this unforgiving city until you’d finally gotten off the street and into this ramshackle apartment. Then six months ago, you met him.

The Joker, terrorist, mass murderer, psychopath, the Clown Prince of Crime, came into your life one night when you were coming home from a late shift at your job as a clerk at the bus station. You preferred night time, it was quieter. You rounded a corner on your usual route back to the apartment building and found yourself at gun point, threatened to give a man in a ski mask whatever he wanted, “or else”. Before you could react, a purple-clad arm wrapped around the man’s chest as his throat was cut in front of your eyes. You knew who he was and you were no stranger to violence in your life but you’d never seen anything like that. Ever since then, he’d taken an interest in you. He used your apartment as a hideout and occasionally gave you small jobs like picking up unmarked packages or driving a car to a random address and leaving it there in exchange for cash. You were in no position to refuse for obvious reasons. You’d even contemplated at one point whether the mugging was staged to get you to trust him or owe him something. The time and place seemed all to convenient. You waited for the day when he’d ask you to repay your debt but it hadn’t come yet.

Whatever you were to him, he was really the only person you knew or cared to talk to. You had been afraid of him at first, of course, but that began to fade a few months ago. Whether or not letting your guard down around him was in poor judgement, you had reached a point where you didn’t care. You hated yourself for it, but an attraction was growing in your belly, nervous fluttering of your heart when he looked at you adding to your frustrations. He really didn’t care about much of anything, free from the stress and worries of life that everyone else was subjected to. You were fascinated by that and your mind eventually spun it around into some sort of crush, to your dismay. It’s not possible, you told yourself. He wouldn’t want you, some regular girl from the streets of Gotham. But why did he keep you around?

Your fingers twitched toward the burner phone he’d given you on the table. He always called you, you’d never called him, if that was even possible. But at the first crack of thunder over the screams of “fuck you, asshole” from next door, you grabbed the device and hit the call button before you could think better of it. Too late, it was ringing.

You shakily brought the receiver to your ear as each ring twisted your stomach into tighter knots. Another crack of thunder.

“Well, well. Hello there, doll,” you heard Joker’s raspy voice croon over the speaker.

Your breath hitched in your throat before you forced yourself to speak, “H-hi, Joker. Um, I, uh wanted to know if you w-were planning on staying here tonight.”

The two or three seconds of silence that followed felt like an eternity before he answered, “Ahh afraid of the storm, are we?”

Stunned and unable to speak, your cheeks burned with embarrassment. You were never able to hide anything from him, even when he couldn’t see your face.

He giggled and said, “Lu-cky for you, I need to, uh, lay low tonight. Ten minutes.”

The line went quiet and you lowered the phone from your ear. Ashamed of what you just did, you wished the earth would swallow you up in that moment but you were stuck here. At least you’d have a distraction.

Right on cue, every sixty seconds, thunder sent your body trembling harder while the apartment next door continued to echo with blame and insults for what felt like the longest ten minutes of your life. You had been resisting, but finally covered your ears with your palms just before Joker’s ghostly face suddenly appeared in the window as another crack of thunder stung your ears. Your eyes widened and you let out a yelp before your face flushed and you hurried to the window to jerk it open. Joker climbed in from the fire escape, his hair wet with rain and greasepaint smeared a bit more than usual. He looked down at your shaking hands and sweat beading on your forehead and asked, “What’s the matter with you, hm? Called me here didn’t ya?”

The sound of shouting and glass breaking from behind the wall made you nearly jump out of your skin as you stared at him and he raised his eyebrows.

“Hmmm, what do we have here? A little phonophobia?” he hummed, leaning toward you.

He was always right. This you definitely couldn’t hide from him. Your breaths with short and huffing as you nodded meekly. He was most definitely the wrong person to seek comfort from but you had no one else to turn to.

He liked his lips and rolled his eyes up at the ceiling for a moment when the man next door screamed obscenities once again.

Suddenly, Joker turned toward the wall and growled at full volume, “Keep doing that and I’ll cut your tongues out nice and slow so the last thing you taste is your own blood filling up your mouth!”

The resulting silence made your ears ring and he slowly turned back toward you, tongue flicking out over his lip. His voice was incredibly loud but as soon as it was over, your breathing began to slow.

“Better?” he asked with a sly little smile.

You swallowed and swiftly nodded before thunder practically shook the building, the storm now looming overhead. Your eyes involuntary squeezed shut and a whimper escaped your mouth as your trembling legs barely held you upright. Joker sighed and slid his water-logged coat from his shoulders along with his gloves, draping them over a chair. He wasn’t supposed to be someone who had much, if any, empathy for other people. Why should he help you?

Maybe he knew what you were going through.

“You need a, uh, distraction, hm?” he asked.

You opened your eyes and looked into his. They weren’t dark and cold as usual but you still couldn’t read what was going on behind them. You never could.

You blinked and he stepped closer to you until you could feel the heat coming off his body. Your heart raced and you couldn’t hear anything anymore as the lump in your throat tightened with anticipation. Your mind raced with irrationalities. Was he finally about to kill you?

Suddenly he grabbed the collar of your shirt and pulled you forward to smash his lips into yours. You took a sharp inhale, the smell of greasepaint and gasoline flooding your nose as you drowned in the sensation of his warm lips against your own. Was this real?

Your eyes fluttered closed and you kissed him back, involuntarily lifting your arms to wrap them around his neck. This was real. He hummed against your mouth as he dropped your shirt collar and took your face in his hands, deepening the kiss. His scars made it that much more intense as he hungrily devoured the taste of you until your lips were practically swollen.

He took your bottom lip into his mouth before releasing it and pulling away for you to catch your breath.

“Dis-tracting enough for ya?” he purred, still holding your face.

Your expression of shock and surprise morphed into a wide smile and you giggled as you nodded your head at him. He smirked back and locked lips with you once more before he staggered to bring both of you toward the couch where he pulled you down to flop on top of him as he chuckled.

Thunder rumbled overhead but you didn’t hear it. You were too busy kissing the Clown Prince.

[uboat53]

The Greatest Movie Scene

This is a spiel about the greatest scene I have ever seen in a movie.  It is not about the greatest scene that's ever been in a movie, I haven't seen every movie so that's not a fair statement, nor is it about someone else's greatest movie scene.  This is about the greatest scene I have ever seen in a movie, which includes all of the personal background and baggage that I bring to the movie plus the particular circumstances in which I saw it.  Clear?  Great.

The greatest scene is from the movie Batman: The Dark Knight, the one with Christian Bale.  If you haven't seen it yet, stop reading this and go watch it.  It is a movie that really benefits from being seen fresh without spoilers, so don't do that to yourself.  If you read past this, accept that you will be spoiled on key plot details of the movie.

Now, with a movie like this one, with a cast that includes Morgan Freeman, Michael Kaine, Gary Oldman, Aaron Eckhardt, Heath Ledger, and where Christian Bale himself, the star of the movie, can essentially be an afterthought, one might imagine that I'd be talking about one of their fantastic performances.  And one would be wrong.

So let's set the scene.  We come near the end of the movie, the third act.  The Joker, who has spent nearly two hours of movie time tormenting the heroes and tearing the city apart with incredibly innovative and terrifying schemes, has set three terrible plans in motion, all of which are occurring simultaneously.  First, he and his gang have taken a lot of doctors and nurses hostage in a skyscraper that's still under construction.  Second, he's placed explosives in two huge ferries that are being used to evacuate people from the city and is threatening to blow up both ferries unless someone on one ferry presses the detonator to blow up the other.  Finally, he's driven the city's white knight prosecutor insane and has encouraged him to exact his revenge on the police officers who led to his disfigurement, and that prosecutor has taken the family of the city's top policeman hostage.

For our scene we're going to focus on the second plan, the one with the ferries.

Now our two ferries couldn't be more different.  One of them is full of families, lots of women, children, and men who are no longer young.  The other one is full of the most hardened criminals from the city's prison.  Each is full of explosives and each one has a detonator on board that will destroy the other ferry if activated.  Both have been told that they have until midnight to blow up the other ferry (fifteen minutes away!) or both ferries will be blown up.

Now many movies would focus on the execution of the other two plans, they're far more action oriented.  Batman has a ton of great fight scenes in the partially completed skyscraper, tangling with disguised thugs and the police in turn, and the prosecutor (Two-Face!) is threatening the policeman's family with a loaded gun to their faces, but the real heart of this sequences is the scene on the ferries.

On the prison ferry, the warden has the detonator and is protected by two prison guards armed with shotguns.  The guards are young and frightened, both of the prisoners who are increasingly insistent that the warden should activate the detonator and of the ticking clock which is slowly approaching midnight.

On the family ferry, frightened people debate with the captain of the ferry and national guardsmen on board who eventually decide to put it to a vote.  Amidst a sinking feeling of dread, the people on board the ferry write their vote on pieces of paper which are slowly, all too slowly, collected by the guardsmen in their helmets.

Seconds tick by and the tension builds.  Frightened faces flash in front of the screen, sometimes reacting to the arguments for or against using their detonators and sometimes simply blank with dread.  Tension builds and builds.  The family ferry finishes their vote, it's a landslide in favor of using the detonator.  The captain takes it out, his hand on the key that will explode the other ferry.  There are only three minutes left.  He pauses for a moment.  "What are you waiting for?" an old woman demands, "Do it."  "We're still here," he says nervously, "That means they haven't killed us either."

Meanwhile, on the prison ferry, there is utter bedlam.  Prisoners are on their feet, screaming and shouting in the faces of the terrified guards, only kept back by bared shotguns.  At the back of the crowd a man stands up and walks forward.  He is huge, a massive African-American man with a shaved head, covered in tattoos and scars.  Calmly, he walks forward, the crowd parting before him and going silent, until he stands face to face with the warden, looming over him.

"You don't want to die, but you don't know how to take a life," he says in a threatening growl, "Give it to me; these men would kill you and take it anyway.  Give it to me. You can tell them I took it by force.  Give it to me and I'll do what you shoulda did ten minutes ago."

Nervously, hands shaking, the warden pushes the detonator into the handcuffed hands of this huge prisoner.  The expression on the warden's face is pained; the prisoner is right, he wants desperately to live but cannot bring himself press the trigger.  He hasn't killed the people on the other ferry directly, but in that moment he has sealed their fate.

The prisoner holds the detonator, looks at it for a moment, and then tosses it out the window into the water.

That is the single greatest momoment of the movie and, for my preferences, the single greatest moment in any movie I've ever seen.  The raw tension of the scene, the conflict between pure morality and a desperate desire for survival, the anticipation of one outcome, and the suddenness by which another is achieved.

That is the pivotal moment of the movie, the moment when the tension is broken.  And not like tension breaks in other movies where there's a gradual drawdown and sense of relief, this tension snapped like a dry twig and left behind only deepening feeling of dread, acceptance, and a certain feeling of pride and accomplishment.  The fear on the people's faces as they chose or were forced to accept that they would die in order not kill was palpable, all the more so as we'd been witness to their struggle.  The decision of the filmmaker to make us spend the entire fifteen minutes with these people, worrying and debating, trying to save both their lives and their souls as Batman fought his way through a vertical construction site, drew us into their struggle and forced us to empathize with their fate.  There was no way to save both their lives and their souls and they had chosen, even the ones who we may have assumed were the most soulless among them, to save their souls.

But it's not just the tension that's the reason why this scene is so great, not by itself.  The reason why that scene, that moment when the detonator flies out the window, is the greatest I've ever seen is that it's the moment when the Joker is defeated.  Batman hasn't punched him in the face yet; in fact, at that moment, he has Batman pinned, forcing him to watch the culmination of his schemes, but in that moment he has lost.

You see, the thing that becomes clear from the rest of the movie is that the Joker isn't trying to kill people or destroy the city.  That's far too simple for him.  He threatens the life of a man not by pointing a gun at him, but by threatening to blow up a hospital if he isn't killed.  He tries to break his enemies not by injuring or killing them, but by setting them up so that they must choose which of two choices they value most, only to discover that they were the reverse of what they thought they were.  The Joker isn't trying to destroy Gotham, he's trying to force Gotham to destroy itself.

In that moment the people of Gotham, some of them at least, decide that they won't do it.  They won't play his game.  He may kill them, he may rampage ans scheme and cause his mayhem, but they won't be a part of it.  Not because they are perfect and not because they are without fear, but because they are human.

And in that moment it is they, the ordinary people, who become the heroes of the movie.  Not the caped crusader or the police, not the extremely talented actors who take lead billing on the marquee, but the regular people who are most often just relegated to the background of superhero movies, forced to simply react to or accept whatever the result of the conflict between the hero and the villain is.

That's why that moment in Batman: The Dark Knight is the greatest scene in any movie I've ever seen.  It has stuck with me since the moment I saw it, at a midnight showing in the summer of 2008 with some of my roommates while we were doing summer work in our college town.  No movie I've seen before or since has stuck in my head the way that one did, coming back to trigger more and more thoughts and contemplations on the many, many topics that it brought up, many of which are still salient to the world we live in today, and no scene to me has better illustrated the greatest potential of human nature.

If you're still with me, thanks for reading.  This has been going through my head for years now and it's good to write it all out.  I hope you enjoyed and, if you haven't seen the movie yet, go see it!

[agenzproject]

Love above all

It’s been years. Years since I last felt the comfort in her texts.

I thought I could move on. How foolish I was. I find myself chuckling as I recall old me bravely telling her goodbye.

I stare out the window of the car as the quiet uber driver takes me to the hotel I will be staying in. London is exactly as I expected it to be. Gloomy, Grey and rainy.

Staring at the raindrops falling on the window, my mind starts chasing a train of thought. If there’s anything that movies have taught me, it’s that the heart must always be followed. And my heart, it yearns for her.

I haven’t heard from her since I turned sixteen, which was six years ago. I wonder if she still remembers me. I am sure she does not. Yet, I must satisfy this desire within the muscle that dominates my nerves.

We met through text, on a BTS fan account.

I didn’t even know her real name yet, ‘lover’ was enough to know her. We never shared pictures, yet I saw her in my dreams. I had never heard her voice yet; her words were enough to soothe me. I didn’t even know if she was a girl, yet I imagined being with her forever. I didn’t even know if she was real, yet I led myself to find comfort in my moments shared with her.

Was I chasing a dream, or was I going to reunite with the love of my life?

The sudden halt of the uber pulls me out of my thoughts and I look over to see that we have parked in front of the hotel I have a room reserved in.

I smile and thank the driver, to which he responds with an earnest nod. He is a nice man. As I step out, he calls out to me.

“You sure you don’t need an umbrella?”

I look up to see the sky painted Grey, my favorite colour. A smile takes its place on my face and I shake my head. “No, sir, I don’t think that will be necessary. Thank you for offering.”

He nods once again and waits for me to reach the Valet standing at the front door before he drives away.

The valet, a young man in his twenties with blonde hair and brown eyes, bends down in a curt bow upon my arrival and I nod at him.

As I’m about to enter through the sliding doors, I hear yelling and turn to see a man, who I assume is in his thirties, shouting at a girl who is no less than ten for running out onto the road and playing in the rain with her favourite clothes on.

The exchange warms my heart as I watch the girl nod and the father then lead her over to another building, soft yet angry as he does so. It reminds me of my own father. A strong-willed man with a firm hand on things. And it also reminds me of why I have to be in London like this in the first place.

I sigh at the thought, recalling all those nights he yelled at me.

I walk over to the receptionist and smile at the young-looking woman. She offers me a well-practiced smile in return. “How may I help you, miss?”

“I made a reservation under the name Aqsa Malik.” I tell her.

She nods and after seeing proof of my identity, hands me the key to my room on the second floor.

I leave for the elevator after thanking her but before I press the button, I notice two young ladies sitting in the lounge, close to each other. They clearly aren’t English and judging by the curly hair and Arabic written on the bags, I would assume they are from North Africa.

I feel a smile tugging at my lips as I press the elevator button after noticing the two marital silver bands on their ring fingers.

Inside the elevator, I inhale and exhale deeply, happy for those two women, who seemed only a tad bit older than me.

It is a good time to be homosexual. I hope that this works out for me too. I hope that the girl I came to see resonates with me. I hope she agrees that now is the right time. Because six years ago, if you were born a Muslim female, being lesbian always ended in tragedy.

I was hoping this would be an exception as I entered my three-star hotel room, heading straight for the bed, ready for some rest.

Before I slip into my bed-sheets for some sleep, I play a few songs that remind me of her.

Blue and Grey by V is what encouraged me to confess to her.

Rewrite the Stars from the musical, The Greatest Showman, was the song we listened to think of each other.

Talking to the Moon by Bruno Mars was what made me cry every night after we cut communication.

These songs lull me into a peaceful sleep as the soft rain keeps patting my window, giving the room a sense of coolness.       

 

 

He yelled at me. He told me to forget her.

I wished I had just turned the tab off when my father got home, pretending as if nothing had ever happened. But I didn’t, and he ended up reading all of my texts with her, with a long lecture following afterwards.

Being a Muslim with an ex-girlfriend isn’t easy, especially when you’re just fifteen.

“You’re too young to even think about these things!” He yelled. “How can you determine your sexuality at just fifteen! Straight is the natural orientation of a person, drop this lesbian bullshit!”

I hadn’t cried. I didn’t say anything in response. It would have been of no use. Rewa had already broken up with me, albeit she had said she would still like for us to be friends.

I had apologized to my father a few days later and snuck online through another device, from where I was caught later on as well, all of this happening in a span of just two months.

Three months later, I had a friend contact Rewa’s social media and tell her I’m okay.

We both finally had the chance to talk again over Wattpad.

I smiled, satisfied as I texted her a detailed message on how I was planning to meet her, asking her as much details as the online relationship would allow me to.

I promised her that till the day we met, I would sing Blue and Grey every night the moon was visible in the sky. And I did just that.

But then a text appeared on my screen once she had received the message.

‘Aqsa, I think we should break up.’

Confusion filled my insides. Weren’t we already broken up? If she didn’t want to be in a relationship with me, why would she lead me on and sweet talk me like that so much?

I was furious. For a few moments, I had no idea what to say to her.

Then, I did.

‘Wait, aren’t we already broken up?

Did you seriously forget that you broke up with me?

Did you really sweet talk me all that much just to make me go through the worst moment of my life a second time?

Now I know what my dad feels like every time I go up to him with a half-assed apology with no intention of listening to him a second time.

Unless you have anything important to say,

Goodbye, Rewa.’

And that was the last thing I ever said to her. She didn’t answer and I deleted our chats, promising myself to never look back. Oh, how bad I am at sticking to promises.

Maybe I should’ve gone easier on her. She was just thirteen, after all.

 

 

I haven’t sung Blue and Grey to the moon since.

The words come out of my mouth as I stare at the moon, having woken up from my sleep at 3 a.m. My voice comes out deep and heavy, my heart aching with every worse.

Where’s my angel?

I’m sick and tired of everything,

Someone come and save myself,

‘Cuz I am feeling blue and Grey,

 

Everywhere I go, everything I see,

Can you look at me ‘cause I am blue and Grey?

Every time I smile, Every time I cry,

Can you look at me ‘cause I am blue and Grey?

 

Oh, I just wanna be happier,

Baby don’t you let me go,

I feel tired in the winter sky,

I just wanna feel stronger

The tears slip down my cheeks without warning as I sit at the chair, huddling into myself further.

I hope she remembers me when I pay her a surprise visit in the morning.

 

Anxiety is getting the best of me as I stand in front of her college dorm room. Should I knock?

What if her roommate thinks I’m weird? What if Rewa reports me to security? What if she hates me? What if she wants to have nothing to do with me?

I try walking away but then tell myself that I didn’t come all the way from Pakistan just to run away when I am right at her doorstep. I miss her, and whether she does or not, doesn’t matter. I have to see her.

I knock at the door, swallowing down my fear as a shudder runs through my body.

I have to do this. There is no turning back now.

The door opens. A tall, dark skinned, African woman, looks down at me.

It is her.

My breath gets caught in my throat as I stare at her in awe.

It has to be her. Dark skin, curly black hair tied in a pony above her head, and about six feet tall. It is, without a doubt, Olanrewaju, my ex-girlfriend.

Holy shit.

I am not prepared for this.

“Um, can I help you?” She asks, concerned. Her voice is deep, yet smooth as she speaks in a British accent.

I just offer a weak nod, still taking her appearance in for the first time. I try to say hi but it just comes out as a guttural croak. Embarrassing.

“Um, are you okay?” She touches my shoulder. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around before. What’s your name?”

Upon her touching my shoulder, my body tenses tenfold. She quickly retreats upon noticing my panicked expression.

“I’ll let you inside and give you a glass of water.” She takes a hold of my forearm, and gently walks me into her dorm.

I don’t register my surroundings as I continue to stare at her strong and bold figure. This is the love of my life and she doesn’t even know it.

She sits me down on what I assume is her bed as she walks over to the jug of water on the table. Thankfully, I caught her alone. Roommate isn’t home.

Rewa presses a full glass of water up to my lips and makes sure it all goes down, allowing me to inhale deep breaths, trying to regain my posture.

It takes a few minutes, but I get better.

I nod at her, offering a small smile.

She smiles back. “Now, tell me, what’s your name?”

I stare at her, my gaze piercing hers. “Aqsa.”

There is a flash of something in her eyes that I hope is familiarity and I think I am right when she takes a double take. “What?”

“Aqsa.” I repeat, as if I have no idea what history she might have with that name. “Why?”

She frowns in confusion, her eyes scanning my entire figure before she shakes her head. “Oh, uh, nothing.”

I nod.

“Where’re you from?” She asks. It’s no secret that she’s trying to figure out if I am the Aqsa she knew all those years ago.

“Pakistan.” I tell her.

Her frown deepens. “Where did you grow up?”

I have decided that I’m going to let her figure it out on her own and act as if I’ve never met her. “Why do you ask?”

She shakes her head a bit, then raises her eyebrows. “Middle East?”

She remembers. I nod.

Her breath hitches just a little and she visibly gulps, studying my features carefully.

“Do I know you?” She asks, her voice small and doubtful.

I stare into her big eyes and nod.

She exhales and looks away, leaning back in the chair next to the bed. She folds her arms across her chest, pondering the situation, her expression unreadable. But the tension in her posture can be sensed without having to try twice. “What are you doing here?”

“I told you I’d find my way to you, didn’t I?” I tilt my head, a soft smile on my face.

She clenches her jaw and I can feel the heavy emotion in the atmosphere that replaces her prior concern. “You also said goodbye.” Her voice is heavy.

I pursue my lips in a thin line and nod. “That wasn’t a promise. I promised that I would come to you when I could, though.”

“How did you find me?” Her voice is a bit steady, yet forceful.

I smile. “You told me you lived in London. I have connections around the place. I have the internet. I know you wanted to study mechanical engineering so searching in all the good colleges amongst the mechanical engineering students was the best way to go about it.”

She is looking at me now, her dark chocolate eyes searching my face for something. “You remember?” Her voice cracks as the words leave her mouth.

I nod, trying my best to not get teary-eyed five minutes into our reunion.

Rewa clears her throat and tries to regain her steady posture. “And what about you? What are you doing?”

Ah, small talk. I allow myself to relax. “I’m studying medicine. I’m in my third year. Also, I’m writing.”

She nods and points at something behind me. I turn around to see a small wooden shelf nailed to the wall above her bed, all of my books resting on top of it.

A small smile appears on my face and my jaw stings, an indicator that I am about to cry. “That’s all of them.”

“I had two since when you first wrote them four years ago and then I just gave up, trying to forget you.” She tells me. “But then Noah noticed them and bought more books as gifts.”

“Noah?” I turn to look at her, frowning a bit in confusion.

She sighs and sits back once again. “He thought that maybe I like the writer, so got all the books he could find written by her.”

I nod, that not being what I wanted for the answer. “Who’s Noah?”

Rewa sighs again. “Forget him. He’s unimportant.”

I clutch the glass in my hands tighter, my desire for knowing who Noah was increasing. I am a curious person. I try to shrug it off by distracting myself with something else.

“Where’s your roommate?” I ask.

She looks to the side to see an empty bed. “Semester just started, so she’s out with her friends.”

“You got any?”

Rewa nods. “One is at home due to an emergency and another is probably at her job right now.”

“Do you have a job?”

She shakes her head. “My parents are still paying for me, it’s all going smoothly. They say I have to start paying my own fees when third year starts.”

I nod. That sounds reasonable.

“They’re divorced, right?” I remember she mentioned it.

She nods and there’s an emotion on her face I have a little trouble trying to understand. She seems satisfied, yet in pain, as if she wished I didn’t remind her of her parents. But on the other hand, she seems happy that I cared enough to remember.

“How’s your sister?” I ask, recalling that she mentioned having a younger sister.

Rewa’s expression eases a little as she thinks of her sister. “She’s doing great. Last year of high school then college.”

“That’s good.” I nod.

The door to the room opens and we both turn to see a girl about Rewa’s age standing there, studying me with her critical green eyes, attempting to determine who I am. Her white skin is covered in patches of brown, as if she was playing in the mud.

Once she’s established that she doesn’t know me, she turns to Rewa for an explanation. “Ju?” Her voice is an indicator to the fact that she’s sensed something is wrong.

Rewa sighs. “An old friend.” Then she addresses me. “Aqsa, this is my roommate, Jessica.”

Jessica advances towards me in a friendly manner, extending her hand out for me to shake, her thin lips forming a warm smile. “Nice to meet you. You can call me Jess.” She has a Scottish accent.

I smile back and shake her hand, nodding. “Nice to meet you too, Jess.”

She nods, her curly, red hair bobbing as she does so. “Where’re you from?” She lets my hand go.

“Pakistan.” I answer. “You?”

“Scotland.” She laughs. “Anyways, I have to hit the shower. See you later.”

I nod. “See you.”

Once Jessica is gone, I turn back to Rewa. “Wanna go out for a drive?”

“You have a car?”

“I rented it.”

She seems to ponder over the offer for a bit, as if carefully weighing the pros and cons of going on a ride with her ex. Finally, she nods. “I don’t see why I can’t go.”

The walk towards the rented Honda is quiet as Rewa seems to be deep in thought while I take in my surroundings, not feeling too nervous to notice them anymore. It’s still cloudy outside, but I think it won’t rain till late in the evening.

I get into the car parked outside the campus and Rewa hesitates once she’s opened the door to the passenger seat. She bows down and looks at me. “Where are we going?”

“We’re circling the next five blocks until we get tired.” I tell her.

She whips out her phone and I think she texts somebody that. A faint smile appears on my face. This is my Rewa. Wary of everybody, no matter how trustworthy they may seem.

She then enters the car and closes the door, fastening her seatbelt.

I start the car and smile at her. “You really think a bestselling author would try to kidnap you?”

            She gives me a sheepish smile, a little pink creeping up her cheeks. “You only have one bestseller and I don’t want to take any chances.”

I nod, turning forwards, driving onto the road. “You’d probably win in a fight against me anyway.”

At that, she laughs and that is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard in my life. More beautiful than a waterfall splashing into a river below it. I want to be the one who keeps her laughing like that all the time.

Her laugh dies down after some time and we fall quiet.

“Do you still listen to K-pop?” I ask her, breaking the silence.

“Sometimes.”

“BTS?”

“Yeah. They disbanded though.”

“I know that.” I nod. “Can I play a song?”

“Which one?”

“I don’t know…” I think for a minute, observing the wet streets of London. “Spring day?”

She seems to ponder over it too before agreeing to play Spring day. Once the music plays in the car, something… settles within me. I feel… calm. I don’t know if it’s because of the song or because I’m finally meeting Rewa, but I enjoy this feeling.

The song ends in a few minutes and it’s quiet again. But this time, it’s welcome. It’s not awkward, it feels good.

“Can we be friends again?” I ask all of a sudden.

She doesn’t respond for at least two minutes before nodding. “Wont your dad find out?”

“He doesn’t need to know it’s you.” I smile. “Besides, I’ll be independent in two years and have a job, so no worries.”

“Wont he get you married after that?” She asks.

Why does she care about that? I suggested being friends. Maybe… she’s hoping we can be more? My stomach does a flip at that exciting thought.

“I’ll get out of there.” I tell her. “Do a job here, be free of their restricting opinions.”

She doesn’t respond.

“Will you give me another chance?” In the silence, I ask her the question I have been aching to ask for a long time.

“At dating?” She gets right down to the point.

I shrug. “If you want to. I just want to be a part of your life again.”

“So, it doesn’t matter how?” She asks.

I draw in a deep breath. “I just want to make you happy. I still love you. You can decide how I make you happy. I can be whatever you want me to be. My love for you exists beyond any label this world could slap on us.”

There’s silence again. Then she speaks up. “You’re still the same.”

I blink, eyes still on the road. “What?”

“Before, when we used to text,” She says. “You’d always say something that would fluster me so much. You’re still the same.”

At that, I smile, recalling all the many times I would say something cheesy and make her feel butterflies in her stomach. “Glad to know.”

She gives a soft chuckle in response. “I think we can start off fresh, with you as my friend. I still need time getting over Noah, so-“

“Noah was your date?”

“Yeah.” Her voice is quiet.

“What happened?” I ask, concerned. I swear if this Noah hurt her, I might just have to put ‘become a hitwoman’ on my bucket list, not that I haven’t already considered that.

She lets out a puff of breath, hugging herself. “I don’t know, we both wanted very different things from life. He was too serious about it and I wanted to focus on my future.”

“Oh.” That is all I can say. Noah hadn’t hurt her so there was no reason to be mad. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“So, we can be friends?” I smile.

“Of course.”

I feel all giddy on the inside.

I look to my side and smile at her, slowing the car down. She smiles back, both of us sharing eye contact for a swift moment before I turn back to the road.

I go back to the radio on the car and play Seesaw by Suga, a song and artist we both adore to pieces.

And at that moment, as Suga’s soothing voice instills a sense of safety and Rewa at my side awakes a sense of assurance, I feel complete.

Who knows?

Maybe I can make her love me again, we can resume our relationship and maybe even get married.

Live a happy life.

Six years later, standing at the altar, Blue and Grey playing in the background, as I hold Rewa’s hands, I realize just how right I was.

“I love you, Aqsa.”

“I love you so, my love.”

“I declare you married! You may kiss!”

And we do. A beautiful, passionate kiss, marking the beginning of our life together.

Some tales do have happy endings.

A Story by Riley Gray

[champhangman]

Bleed Into the Night - Part Eight

Title: Bleed Into the Night Part: Eight / ? Characters: Hangman Adam Page x OFC Summary: She wasn’t looking. Neither was he. For a brief flash, they found each other. Word Count: 4,690 Warnings: Alcohol use, hella cursing, and glossed-over smut. Previous: Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four  | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven |  A/N: shout out to Ash and Jamie for encouraging this part   

Tagging: @adampage / @cowboyshit / @mindofasagittaruis / @kalliravenne / @sadlittlecountess / @brie-mode-activated / @xbreezymeadowsx / @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch / @wardl0w / @what-does-mine-say / @snarkandsarcasmftw / @drewshoneybadger  / @mysteryoflovve / @knnyomega / @rampagewriting / @hurricanranabaybay / @kploveswrestling

Eight

Looking forward to having you in my arms again.

Serena read the message again. It had been sent early that morning, before Adam's flight, and had been followed by a flurry of texts detailing all the things he couldn't wait to do with her. Her smile faded as she read the other messages. Would it have killed him to say he couldn't wait to just hold her? Granted, she wanted to do everything else too, but—

"Big plans with your cowboy?"

Groaning, she locked her phone and looked at Cole. The truth was they had no plans. She'd all but given up on plans. It was a rare occasion that made Adam want to go out unless it was for drinks, and in recent weeks he'd been unwilling to do even that. It had led to several arguments that always left her feeling sick inside, the sickness escalating when he tried to smooth things over with lovemaking. She felt as though she had to tiptoe around his obvious moodiness now, not wanting a quarrel to start up.

She knew he was going through something. Knew that the depressing turn his storyline on Dynamite and BTE had taken came from somewhere within him. It mirrored his own insecurities and anxieties. He'd told her that. She just wished he would open up and tell her those worries and doubts instead of seemingly expecting her to unravel them by watching the story unfold.

"Just dinner and maybe some drinks," she said with a quick smile. "What about you and Britt?"

She breathed a silent sigh of relief when Cole animatedly told her what he and Britt would be doing on their days off together. They were going to spend a day at the beach while the weather was still perfect. They were going here, and there, and had plans to meet up with friends and family.

Serena kept her smile in place as he spoke, swallowing back the bitter taste of envy. Adam had met her parents once, completely by accident. And though her mother had loved him in an instant it had been obvious her father had reservations. He still clung to the idea that wrestling was just a phase that she would outgrow, and that she would regret it when she either lost interest or got injured and had nothing to fall back on. He had all but interrogated Adam about his plans for the future. When he had learned he used to be a school teacher he had launched into a brief tirade on how he should have stuck with that. During the whole debacle she had only been able to sit there, unable to stop her father after several tries, and had finally taken the bottle of wine her mother pushed toward her and gulped down several glasses. Then her father had topped the whole thing off by saying he hoped they were using birth control.

Adam hadn't asked about seeing her parents again. Nor had he brought up her meeting his family. She'd asked and he'd said they could do that over the holidays, that his parents didn't travel and with their schedules…

"Mermaid?"

Blinking, she noticed that Cole had stopped talking several moments before. She pressed her lips together and gave her head a tiny shake. She needed to stop thinking about all the things that were wrong and focus instead on all the things were right. Her career was going well. Her title reign was being touted as prestigious. There were already talks about her being moved up to Raw or Smackdown by the year's end. And, despite the hiccups with Adam, she kept reminding herself that they were okay.

"Things are okay with Page, aren't they?" Cole asked.

"Of course," she promised quickly. And they were. They had both brought up possibly moving in together soon. Once she was sent to the main roster, when she wouldn't be expected to be in Florida five days a week. Because he didn't want to leave Carolina, and she hated living in Florida, they had tentatively agreed that she would move in with him. They could use the apartment he kept in Jacksonville for the times they had to be in Florida.

She loved him. He loved her.

She was pretty sure he loved her.

"Why don't we all get together tonight?" Cole slung his arm around her shoulders and guided her towards the gate, where people were lining up to board the flight.

"I don't know…" If Adam's texts were anything to go by, he had plans for them, and those plans surely didn't include Britt and Cole. Her phone buzzed in her hand and she glanced down.

Connecting flight delayed. We'll probably get there at the same time.

She texted him that she was boarding, fingers moving quickly to tell him she couldn't wait to see him and that she loved him. Relieved when he returned the words of love, she pushed her phone into her pocket.

"We can go out to dinner," Cole told her. "It's karaoke night at Dillon's."

She wanted to sing. Wanted to drag Adam up to sing with her, because despite his grousing whenever she got him to, he always sang so nicely and put his all into whatever song was chosen. She loved hearing him sing. Loved that he always looked at her. Even if they were just singing some dopey love song while fixing dinner in his apartment or hers, he always turned to look at her.

"Yeah, that sounds great," she heard herself say as they boarded the plane. After getting to her seat she sent a text to Adam with the tentative plans, adding that she really wanted to go, then waited several moments for him to reply. None came and, with a sigh, she switched on airplane mode and settled in, hoping for a nap during the flight.

Hours later, feeling grimy and sleepy, she dragged herself through the airport, slightly disheartened by the lack of texts from Adam. She told herself that he was probably in the air, or that he hadn't seen her message before boarding, but while waiting for her Uber she sent him another text to let him know she'd arrived and would see him at his place. And frowned when he replied immediately.

I got here about an hour ago. See you in a few, baby.

Her excitement over seeing him outweighed the sinking feeling that he wouldn't want to go out, and by the time she got to his building she didn't care what they did. She just wanted to be with him. He probably hadn't seen the text, she thought as she jogged up the last few steps and approached his door. It opened and there he was and she forgot about her plans for them to go out with Britt and Cole. Grinning, she leaned up for his kiss, squealing as she was tugged into the apartment. Her suitcase clattered to the floor, as did her backpack, and she briefly marveled at his gracefulness when he lifted her, spun, and kicked the door shut in one fluid motion.

"Hey," he greeted between fevered kisses that tasted of whiskey and soda, one hand diving beneath her t-shirt.

"Hey," she gasped as she stumbled against the end table. She heard the lamp there topple.

Adam held her to him, fingers stroking her side beneath her shirt. Resting his forehead against hers, he sighed, the hand on her hip squeezing.

"I missed you," she murmured, lifting her hands to cup his face. There was a line between his eyebrows that she didn't recognize. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." His eyes drifted shut when her fingers slid into his hair. "I just missed you is all."

"I'm here now," she pointed out. "C'mon, let's go lay down."

He groaned, lips finding hers for another kiss. "Can't wait to get to the bedroom."

"It's all of ten feet—" Serena cut off with a moan and threaded her fingers through his hair more securely. "Couch?"

"Works for me, baby."

She gave in to the chaotic need, her last coherent thought that there was always a slight panic when they met no matter how brief the separation. As though he thought he'd forgotten something about her body. Or feared she had forgotten how well he took care of her needs. There was an impatience, too, which she usually loved, because it was nice knowing that he couldn't wait to make love to her.

Hands scrambling, they pulled and tugged at each other's clothing. Moans and harsh breaths snatched between them as they sank onto the couch, where the chaos grew into a frenzy. Filled and surrounded by him, his scent in her nose and his taste on her tongue, she forgot everything but him and how much she loved him. Their bodies slid, slippery with perspiration, but his grip on her was firm. The only air she could catch came from him and she grew weak, his name a breathless plea. His voice grew faint but her name was clear when it rolled off his tongue while as his body strained.

Sated. Weak. Sweaty. She hummed as his fingers brushed locks of hair from her face and sighed when he offered a reverent kiss before easing his body off hers. Watching him reach for the blanket over the back of the couch, she pushed herself upright. "I need a shower," she murmured, leaning in for another kiss. "You wanna join me?"

"Maybe in a minute," he sighed, fingers trailing down her arm as she stood.

"Which means you'll be asleep before I get out," she laughed, stepping over their discarded clothes to get to her suitcase. Then, remembering she'd left clothes during her last stay at his apartment, she turned and headed for the bedroom. She paused, watching him stretch out on the couch, and cleared her throat. "Cowboy… We're going out, aren't we?"

"Dinner and drinks with Cole and Britt." He dragged a hand over his face.

She took that as confirmation that he wanted to go and, relieved, headed into the bedroom. It occurred to her after she'd gotten into the shower that she should have let Cole know she and Adam were coming, but it was still plenty early. She lingered in the shower, half-hoping he would join her even though she knew he'd probably dozed off and would grumble that she should have waited for him when she came out. After drying her hair and dressing in the black jeans and purple and black plaid flannel shirt he'd hung in his closet for her. She stood in front of the dresser long enough to gather her hair in a bun, eyes dancing over the items that scattered the polished surface. His wallet, the bottle cap that for some reason he tended to keep in his pocket. Propped against the mirror was a picture of them backstage after her title match and she smiled, remembering the silly smile on his face when he'd seen the same picture on her bedside table.

Carrying her shoes to the living room, she saw that Adam had gotten up from the couch. Their clothes still littered the floor. The lamp was still on its side. She sighed and moved to right the lamp, dropping her shoes by the couch. He'd probably gone into the kitchen for water or a snack. Opening her mouth to call to him that they could eat out, she paused when she heard the clink of glass against glass. She stepped over his discarded boots and entered the kitchen. "Hey, Cowboy, you ready to go?"

It was obvious he wasn't ready. Standing at the counter in just his boxer briefs, his curls in wild disarray, he sent her a bewildered look while pouring whiskey into a glass. "Go where?"

"Dinner. A few drinks. Karaoke night at Dillon's?"

"Hell," he muttered, setting the bottle down with a thump. He lifted the glass and took a small sip. "That involves putting on pants…"

Serena rolled her eyes. "Really?"

"I'm already comfortable." As though to prove his point, he idly scratched his bare chest. "Why don't we just stay in and be cozy?"

"You can push your legs into your jeans one leg at a time… It doesn't take that much energy," she pointed out. "And your shirt snaps up for Christ's sake."

"I'm tired." He took another, larger sip. "Can't we just stay in?"

"Knew that was coming," she sighed. "Cowboy…"

"I just got here. So did you." The glass met the counter with a heavy thud. He poured more whiskey into it. More than he usually did, especially from that bottle. The brand that a friend had turned him on to, made with local honey and limited to short batches. His good whiskey. She had a bottle just like it at her place, hardly touched because he got a little weird when she drank his whiskey. He took a gulp and hissed as it went down. "I was already out, Dimples."

"But I want to go out," she said gently. She didn't want to have this argument again. It was always a roundabout that went nowhere. "We haven't gone out in weeks."

"We went to Cole's."

"That was over a month ago." Frowning when he gulped down the rest of the glass, she thought about walking over and taking the bottle. But knew that would lead to a larger argument. And she was so weary of the arguments. Even if they blew over and were smoothed with hours-long lovemaking, they wore her out. Left her feeling anxious and scared. "Adam—"

"You always want to go out," he said, and her eyes widened at the bitterness in his voice. "Fuck, can't you just be happy to be with me?"

"I am, but—"

"Dinner. Drinks. Karaoke. Shopping. We've got food. We've got drinks. We can sing just as good here as we can in some stupid fucking bar. Don't you ever want to just fucking stay put?"

"That's all we do!" she snapped.

"It's not." The glass slammed down, his precious whiskey sloshing over the rim. "Why am I spending my days off with you if you can't be happy staying in?"

"I've been asking myself the same question."

His head jerked up, and from across the kitchen she could feel the ice in his eyes. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Did you just want me here to fuck me?" she asked, sucking in a breath when he snatched up the glass.

"Why do you come here?" he fired back, scowling as he downed the whiskey in one gulp.

"Because I like being with you," she ground out. Closing the space between them, she grabbed the bottle and jammed the top on before he could refill his glass. "But—"

"Sure," he snorted. He let the empty glass fall onto the countertop, dragging both hands through his unruly hair as it rolled and clattered against the knife block.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She reached for the glass to place it in the sink. Before she could, though, he blocked her.

"If you like being with me so damn much, why do you always wanna go somewhere? As soon as we finish fucking, you gotta do something. Can't you just be happy?" He closed his hand around the glass. "With me?"

"What is wrong with you?" she asked. She tightened her hold on the glass, not liking the desperation in his grasp. "I am happy with you!"

"But?" he sneered.

"But you keep doing this!" She hated the look in his eyes. Almost haunted. "You come in and fuck me into oblivion then… This!" she stressed, gesturing at the glass. "And even when we have plans to go out to eat or see a movie or what-the-fuck-ever, you back out. You're tired. You're worn out. You—"

"I'm fucking exhausted after traveling all goddamn day to be with you!"

"And after you've slept?" she challenged. "Tomorrow? When you've had a good night's sleep and feel better? What excuse will you use then?"

"What?" His eyebrows pinched together, and she wasn't sure if it was irritation or confusion.

"What's your excuse gonna be, Adam? Oh, it's raining? Oh, we can throw something on the grill? Or are you just gonna distract me with kisses and sex?"

"Oh, so now sex is a distraction?"

"You seem to think so! Anything to stay in and drink, right?"

"I like to unwind."

"I do, too. But it shouldn't take half a fucking bottle." She frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing!"

He shouted the word and she lurched back, eyes widening. "Adam—"

"I'm tired, Serena."

Her frown deepened. He never called her Serena anymore. She was always Dimples. Or baby. He only referred to her as Serena when he was introducing her to someone. "Tired of what?"

"Everything."

"I'm tired, too," she whispered. She let go of the glass, swallowing a gasp when his precious whiskey sloshed. It splashed over his arm, on his chest, and she listened to it land on the floor. Droplets rained down, pattering on the floor, and she felt her throat close up when he slammed the glass down. He snatched up the bottle and wrenched off the cap, taking a gulp before finally looking at her again.

"Tired of what?" He hissed the words out after swallowing another gulp.

"This," she whispered. "The fighting and the drinking. I'm tired of you not wanting to be seen in public with me."

"That's a fucking lie."

"Is it?" she challenged.

"Dimples—"

"Why don't you ever want to go out with me, Adam? And don't say it's because you're tired. You're never too tired to go out with the guys on tour. You're never too tired when Dax or Cash want you to go bar hopping as soon as your flight lands."

"You think I'm ashamed of you?"

"Isn't it obvious?" she cried, hating the sting of tears. "Is that why you never want to go anywhere? Because you don't want to be seen with the fat girl?"

The bottle slammed down on the counter. "How could you think that?"

"What else am I supposed to think?!"

"You're not the fat girl." The statement burst from his mouth with anger. "I've never seen you as the fat girl."

"Bullshit. It's always a fight to get you to go anywhere." She frowned. "Except when it's somewhere no one will see us. Like the camping trip—"

"Me wanting to be alone with you is bad," he snapped. "Most women would be over the goddamn moon."

"I'm not most women," she whispered.

"No." He reached for her. She gave a little cry of surprise when he pulled her to him. "Dimples… Baby—"

"No," she gasped, pushing at his chest. Not like this. Not now, when she was mad and sad and worried. Not when he wouldn't answer her questions. Not when he reeked of whiskey. "Adam, no…"

He shoved her away with a pained sigh. "Never thought you'd turn down a kiss."

"Is that all I am to you? Someone to kiss? Someone to fuck?" Her body met the counter next to the fridge and she reached to grasp the edge, needing the support.

"If I just wanted someone to fuck, I wouldn't have to drag my ass all the way to Florida."

Her heart slammed to the floor. It took with it all the breath from her lungs. "Oh," she whispered. "So I'm not just an easy fuck, I'm inconvenient?"

He didn't answer immediately and she felt weakened when he sighed.

"I can't do this," she gasped. Just before her vision blurred she saw him reach for the bottle again. Pushing away from the counter, she rushed from the kitchen, stopping at the couch long enough to pull on her shoes. She tried her best to keep the tears from falling, swiping them away angrily when they began to slip down her cheeks. Grabbing the clothes he'd peeled off her so recently, she nearly stumbled to where her bags had landed, a sob escaping when his hand landed on her shoulder.

"Dimples—"

"You don't let me in," she sniffled, cramming her clothes into her backpack. She heard something inside snap but didn't care enough to see what she had broken. "Just when I think I've loved you enough to push away all those insecurities you have they come back up. I'm not strong enough for this, Adam."

"Baby, please…"

"Don't 'baby' me." She shook his hand away and reached into the side pocket of her backpack for her phone. "The only time you let me in is when we're having sex."

"That's not true."

"Is anything we do true?" she asked, turning to face him.

"It's all true," he promised.

Her eyes slid to the bottle gripped tightly in his hand. "That whiskey is the only true thing here, Adam."

***

His hands were shaking. His lungs felt full but he couldn't exhale. His heart was thudding and dropping and with each beat of his pulse he was sure he could feel a new splinter. "Dimples," he whispered, still struggling to believe he was watching her get ready to leave. "We're true."

"Are we?"

Adam's breath stuttered over his lips. "We have been since the beginning."

"We weren't true even then," she said. She blinked and he saw tears slip down her cheeks.

And felt his heart shatter. "No," he said, unsure if he was agreeing with her or making a different point. His brain was too fuzzy for this. He'd been traveling all fucking day, and he'd had a few… He glanced at the bottle in his hand and slowly leaned to set it down. It wasn't fair of her to start this at the worst possible time for him to deal with it. "We've been true, Dimples."

"When? When I blew you by the lake? Or when I finally broke down and slept with you?"

He flinched at the coldness in her tone. "Before that. When you were in the hospital. The night I came to see you in the ring."

"It wasn't even real then." She shook her head. "It felt real for a bit, but now it's just…"

"What?" he asked, dragging his hands through his hair. "It's what, Serena?"

She gulped. "It's not real. No matter how much I try to make it real, it's not. It's… It's not you, it's not me. It's both of us. I'm in love with the idea of being in love. I either fall for the guys who only want an easy fuck, or I fall for the guys who can't bear the thought of touching me. I thought you were different, Adam."

"Dimples—"

"Don't!" she cried out, squeezing her eyes shut as a sob rippled up her throat. It tore through the air, lodged straight in his chest, then drove upward into his heart. "You can't just call me that and flash your pretty smile and think it'll be okay! And don't say you're not, because that's what you do! I need more than sex when we're able to be together. I need the man I fell in love with. The guy that stayed up for over a full day because he was scared and worried about me. The one who held me and sang beautiful songs so I could get some sleep. I need the man who built up my confidence to the point I thought that, maybe just once, the fat girl could win the gorgeous man with the heart of gold."

"I can't be that man all the fucking time," he tried to explain.

"I'd be happy if I could just see him every once in a while," she whispered.

He took a step toward her, heart faltering when she snatched up her backpack. "Dimples…"

"I gotta go," she sniffled, and he knew she hated the tears that were falling. Hated showing what she considered a weakness. Probably hated him for not being able to argue harder.

But he couldn't. He was still trying to wrap his mind around why she was so upset. Why going out was so important to her. And why, apparently, having a lot of sex was a bad thing. He was scared to open his mouth and say the wrong thing, the thing that would upset her so much she would never speak to him again. He was scared that she was really leaving him, that this wasn't going to be some little hiccup in their road to forever.

"If you come across any of my stuff, just give it to Britt? She can give it to Cole for me." She slung the strap of her backpack over her shoulder and squatted to get the handle of her suitcase.

"Dimp – Serena," he pleaded, reaching for her. But his fingers only caught air as she stepped away. His splintered chest shattered. "Don't."

"I love you too much to go through this."

The lump in his throat made it impossible to speak so he lifted his head to look into her eyes.

And saw pure heartbreak in the split second before she turned.

"Don't," he croaked, surging forward. She was already walking out, though, and he stopped, frozen in place, unable to believe she was truly leaving. That she could walk out on him – on them. Then she was gone, and he could hear her footsteps in the hall. By the time his body caught up with his brain and he made it to the doorway, she was gone.

Gone.

All the air left him in a rush and he gripped the doorframe for support. Longing to run after her, he stood there until he knew it was too late. It wasn't that he didn't want to go after her, to catch her, to make her try to understand why he was the way he was. He just…couldn't. Because he knew she wouldn't be able to understand. Her fears about their relationship were so different from his.

And he'd just made her feel that her fears had been reality.

He shoved away from the door and closed it gently, hand moving automatically to turn the lock and fasten the safety chain. Turning, he was greeted by the sight of the tiny cactus she'd brought him the first time she had come to the apartment. He remembered vividly her helping him find the perfect spot to place it, and his gaze naturally moved to the shelf by the TV, where her handwritten list of cactus instructions still lay. Even though she hadn't been there that often he was hit by reminders of her with each step he took.

The little table he'd set the whiskey on. One she'd had in her spare bedroom and didn't want. The blanket on the couch, identical to the one she'd tucked over him when they'd napped on her couch after her injury. Snatching up the bottle, he lifted it to his lips, gaze dropping to his clothes on the floor.

"Damn it," he breathed. She'd bought him that tank. He took a sip of whiskey from the bottle, barely noticing the burn as he swallowed it down and moved to sit on the couch.

The couch that smelled of her. Where they had just – had it only been an hour ago? – made love.

If he'd only known… Sucking in a breath, he raised the bottle for another swig, eyes burning as regret flooded him. It overpowered the ache for only a moment then was gone.

The ache remained. Stewed and festered and grew despite the whiskey he tried to drown it with. It was still there when he stumbled into the bathroom to splash water over his face, and followed him to the bedroom. His hand swept over the dresser top, fingers fumbling before catching the cap. He clutched it while sitting on the edge of the bed.

And for the first time in months, couldn't remember the soothing sights and sounds of the day they met.

[burnedbyshoto]

Hello! Since your askbox is open, is it alright that ask for a request? If so, can you please write a scenario detailing the birth of Todoroki and his s/o’s first child? Maybe he is out on patrol when he hears that his s/o is about to give birth and has his friends rush him there? I’ve been having a bad week, so please inject me with fluff and good feels. Thank you!

anon, love, I hope this helps you feel better! I’m sorry I wasn’t able to upload this the day you submitted. I know I don’t know you, or you know me, but if you want to talk about this bad week please feel free to dm me!!! sending my love

todoroki shouto x first time pregnant!reader

warning: pure fluff!!!

Part Two  Part Three  Part Four

Pregnancy can be a beautiful thing, and in this case, it typically was.

The day you had found out you were pregnant you could not stop crying, immediately calling Shouto, your loving husband of two years, to bear the good news. While giving you an initial scare by immediately hanging up on you when spilling the news, you were relieved to find him next to you in five minutes with a bouquet of your favorite flowers and misty eyes.

You could still remember holding him tightly as you two hugged as tears fell down your face as you whispered to Shouto that it was real and that he was going to make an amazing parent.

That was exactly thirty-nine weeks ago, and now being an entire week overdue with the same raging pregancy hormones, you wanted this baby out of you!

You were a Pro-Hero before this baby, and you planned on staying a Pro-Hero once the sucker was born. Through a lot of pressure from family, friends, and mostly Shouto, you had agreed to spend the your pregnancy with your alumni U.A. and teach Hero Basics even though you would not be participating in any actual lessons as soon as you couldn’t see your toes anymore.

So there you sat at home, your swollen feet elevated on pillows as a heated blanket lay over your simultaneous cold and hot body, dumb hormones were making you crazy. You were overdue, and you were ready to quite literally kick this baby out of you. Were you excited to be a mother, definitely, but this child seemed to be tap dancing on your bladder like it was life or death.

“Relax, tenshi,” You whispered to your baby, rubbing your swollen belly as you grimaced as a terrible heat flash went throughout your body, “Are you seriously craving donuts right now? We just had an early dinner!” You gasped as images of the sugary sweet dessert flashed through your mind making your mouth water.

“Okay, you convinced me!” You laugh, it took you a while, but soon you managed to squirm off the couch and onto your feet only after two minutes. “That’s a new record, I should tell Shouto…”

How you used to be an S-Rank Pro-Hero you had no idea because now you couldn’t even put on shoes without assistance. “Mama is gonna cry when she has to get back into shape. You made me so fat!” You coo softly to yourself as you waddled over to your purse and grabbed it.

Checking yourself in the mirror, you groaned. Your face was so round that it officially beat Uraraka’s for roundest face in the old class 1-A. You wore a maxi sundress even though it was still February because nothing else fits! Well, sweaty old XXL shirts did but it just was not acceptable in public! Slipping on your sandals, you yelled goodbye to no one in the house and waddled out to buy some donuts.

You eventually made it to the donut shop with drool just about coming down your mouth as you entered the store.

“Ah, Todoroki-sama, I was wondering if you were going to be coming in at all today!” The owner greeted you with a bow as you laughed easily.

“My little Tenshi got his little donut cravings really late tonight, Takashima-sama you wound me, your best customer would never disappoint!” You teased back, your face contorted into a grimace as you clutched your swollen belly, waddling closer to the counter with your wallet ready.

“This one is on the house,” The store owner Takashima said, sliding over a box of half a dozen maple bars.

You teared up, accepting the box while sobbing, and left a generous tip as you went to sit down. Calming down slowly, you groaned as you placed the box down and froze.

Why was your leg wet?

You looked down, hands waving with heightened anxiety and shrieked, “ TAKASHIMA-SAMA, MY WATER BROKE!”

⋆✭⋆✭⋆⋆✭⋆✭⋆

Twenty minutes away via car stood Todoroki Shouto walking down the crowded streets of Tokyo with Midoriya and Iida. The three of them had finished working together for a promo radio interview and were now patrolling near their agencies.

“You know, I’ve really come to miss y/l/n-chan walking around with us,” Iida confessed as he waved to a young fan who was pointing him out to his mother.

“It’s Todoroki, Iida-kun,” Midoriya reminds Iida for the millionth time, but knows that no amount of reminding will ever get Iida to not call you by your maiden name.

“Y/n will be back soon after of course, she feels ready to return to the field,” Shouto says silently agreeing with the fact that he missed having his wife with him while working, it had to be the worst thing about you getting pregnant by far. 

“Is she not overdue for the baby, as well? Don’t most pregnancies last only thirty-eight weeks?” Iida questioned as they stopped to take pictures with an obvious American fan.

“Y/n’s ob-gyn doctor said we shouldn’t worry, but that if by the end of the week if y/n hasn’t given birth naturally, she’ll need a c-section,” Shouto explained as he pulled out his phone feeling it buzzing. He saw your contact picture, a celebratory picture of you after finishing a rather intense hiking trail during your honeymoon. “It’s y/n.”

The two of them nod their head as they watched Shouto pick the phone to his ear as he turned around to give himself some privacy. Shouto spoke once, nodded three times and hung up after giving his love.

“Well, y/n is in labor, and I need to get going,” Shouto says eerily calm, his arms stiff by his side, and Midoriya just about jumps out of his skin.

“SHE’S IN LABOR?! OH MY GOD, I’M NOT READY!!”

“Do not panic, Midoriya-kun, it is Todoroki who is going to be the father, not you.” Iida reminds Midoriya who is looking in every direction trying to figure out a game plan for getting to the hospital.

“I KNOW THAT! BUT I–” Midoriya stops and looks over at Shouto who is visibly panicking. “Todoroki-kun, are you okay?”

“There are no more trains back to Musutafu until 21:00,” Todoroki says carefully and to their horror, it’s only 18:30. “Even if we take a car, we could be late.”

“No!” Iida and Midoriya yell.

“I’ll get you there on time!” Midoriya affirms turning his back to Shouto. “Get on!”

With a crackle of lighting, and the shout of “RECIPRO BURST” the three Pro-Heroes were gone without a trace.

⋆✭⋆✭⋆⋆✭⋆✭⋆

“It hurts!” You scream in pain as contraction after contraction plummets through you, obviously, your baby had no care in the world that 1. mama was in a hell lot of pain and 2. papa wasn’t here yet so you weren’t going to let him leave your womb.

“Todoroki-sama, you need to push! You’re going to get yourself or the baby hurt!” Your doctor yells obviously worried as you clenched your legs tightly together.

“I’m not having this baby without S-Shoucchan here!” You cry as the pain is quickly becoming unbearable.

“Y/n, I’m here!” A very frazzled looking Shouto walks through the delivery room, his body clothed in medical scrubs his face showing his fear and love. You giggle a bit like a lunatic seeing a few leaves stuck in his hair finding it amusing despite the pain.

“Midoriya and Iida brought y-yOU!?” You screamed again as your body is now fighting you on letting your baby come out.

You look up and see Shouto now at your bedside, his hand clutching yours as the doctor commands a few nurses to get things ready. “I was scared I was going to miss this…” Shouto admits as you clench his hand in yours as another painful contraction sears your body.

“You’re not missing anything!” You can’t help but snap as you throw your head back, a thin sheen of sweat covering your body. “Get this baby oUT OF ME!” You shriek at the doctor who has now positioned your legs for delivery.

“Alright, Todoroki-sama, I need you to push for ten seconds, okay?”

“OKAY!!”

And Shouto watched as his wife only tightened her death grip on his hands, curses leaving her lips left and right as she pushed with all her might. He stared over at the doctor who he knew was screaming at his stubborn wife to follow his commands, but he could hear nothing besides the roar of his heartbeat in his ears.

Shouto can’t stop himself from leaning over and pressing a kiss on your sweating forehead as you scream louder to get the baby out of you. Then, Shouto can hear a soft cry. His eyes widen as he watches the pink, white, and bloody baby being held by the doctor and all he can hear is the baby’s cries and the exhausted pants from you.

He looks down to find you slumping in the bed, your hair a complete mess, sweat drenching your body, and tears falling down your face.

“Shoucchan,” You murmur, and immediately Shouto is attending to you, wiping off the sweat, fluffing your pillow and kissing you a million times as both your shaking hands hold each other. “Baby, you’re crying.” You inform him with a weak but incredibly affectionate smile.

Shouto wipes away the tears that fall down his face, only to find himself crying, even more. The nurse eventually brings your guys’ small baby boy over to the two of you and gently handed him to you, and you cradle your baby close to your body. “Hi Kaito,” You coo at the baby who was now soundlessly sleeping on your chest, “I’m your mama, and I just want you to know that even though you were a pain in my ass, I love you so much…” 

Shouto snorts as you look up at him and smile, and he comes down to press another kiss on your lips. “Come here, Shoucchan,” You say handing your son over to him, and watched as your husband froze. You waited a moment and then grinned as Shouto reached for baby Kaito and you easily handed him over. You watched with tears in your eyes as Shouto gently bounced with Kaito in his arms, whispering about how much he was going to love him, and how he was going to make Kaito proud to be his son.

“I promise, Kaito, I will never ever let you or your beautiful mama get hurt, and I promise you no matter what happens, I will love you forever and always.”

this made me really soft and kinda was like “maybe pregnancy isn’t that bad???” anywho, hope you enjoyed and have a good rest of your day!!!!!

bonus!

The entire old Class 1-A shuffled through the hallways of the hospital, each claiming to see a different patient so that they could all visit your room.

“Okay, just in case you bozo’s don’t know how to behave around babies, do not scream when we walk in. They are shits to be put to bed, and if you wake up y/n-chan’s sleeping baby, I will end you!” Mina threatens as she eyes down the… louder members of the class. “Second of all, it’s a baby, so don’t talk to it expecting answers, and most importantly, do not. I repeat, do NOT, throw the baby around like it’s some game!”

She gave an obviously pointed glare at Kaminari.

“I’m so excited!” Momo squeals right before they open the door, and with numerous amounts of presents and balloons on hand, nineteen Pro-Heroes entered the room and froze. The sight in front of them making them speechless. Shouto was laying on the bed with you, his arm behind you giving you comfort, and the baby laying on your chest asleep. For the matter at hand, all three of you were asleep without a care in the world.

Some members of the party had to bite down on their hands to keep them from screaming.

Later that night when Shouto woke up for a few minutes and checked his phone for any messages, he then saw a picture of the three of them asleep on the hospital bed on the group chat, with a caption:

‘What a beautiful family, can’t wait for more pictures! Welcome to the family Todoroki Kaito! We love you!’

[eilonwiiy]

All That Glitters

Summary: A fluffy Safi/Merik one-shot set in the Bookends verse.  

Inspired by this ship meme ask: Who tries to start role-playing in bed?   Answer: Safi, but it only ends in a fit of laughter.  Safi is a terrible actress and they both know it.  

Ships: Safi/Merik

Read on AO3: here

*   .   *   .   *   .   *   .

Safi adjusted the sequined torture contraption plastered to her thighs for what felt like the hundredth time since she shimmied into it.  It wasn’t really meant for torture, but when something dissolved the use of her legs and made her feel like a sausage casing, torture didn’t seem so a far-reaching.

This was supposed to be sexy.

She tried shifting her thighs, glued together by sweat, to no avail.  She was beginning to think that maybe she had gone about this the wrong way.  A mermaid seemed like the obvious choice when the idea had popped into her head.  Merik had a strong connection to the ocean, having grown up in Nubrevna, and for as long as she’d known him - which, granted, wasn’t very long - he’d find any excuse to talk about his years spent sailing and adventuring on the high seas as a boy.  But now, with legs tightly gift wrappped in shimmering spandex, it seemed stupid to have eliminated, in her most humble opinion, her best features - if only for the supreme discomfort she was in.  Her boobs weren’t faring much better.  The vinyl shell-shaped monstrosity strapped across her chest would soon become a permanent fixture on her body if Merik didn’t turn up soon.  This was, of course, for him after all.  

It wasn’t that things had grown stale in the bedroom.  Quite the contrary.  Safi found herself spending more and more time with Merik than ever before.  Skipping her morning classes was becoming all too much of a habit to the point where her sociology professor had personally reached out to her by email asking if everything was alright.  Embarrassed, Safi had quickly replied thanking her for her concern and assuring her that she was ok.  More than ok (though she’d left out the finer details as to why in her response).

And yet.

She couldn’t help but feel as though something was out of place.  Between him and her.  They hadn’t had “the talk”.  Yet.  And as Merik had proven on more than one occasion that he was just as maddeningly stubborn as Safi, they never would.  But that didn’t stop her from having many long-winded and, ultimately, unproductive talks with herself.  She was growing discontent with the one-sidedness of it all, especially when she was all too painfully aware of what she was thinking.  She wanted to know what the real Merik was thinking, not the fantasy version she carried around in her head all day - the one that wanted more than the whatever they were doing now.  Because on the days she opted out of her morning class, she wasn’t hanging around for just a tumble in the sheets.  I mean, that certainly wasn’t a deterrent.  Merik was living up to every bit of expertise he’d so boorishly boasted when they’d begun dancing circles around each other.  But that wasn’t all there was to it anymore.  Most mornings when her cell alarm woke her up after spending the night, the desire to stay tucked against Merik’s chest and wrapped in his arms far outweighed doing anything else, and in the last week, she was almost positive she’d picked up on his reluctance to do the same.  This was highly unusual.  When they’d first started hooking up, he’d be showered, dressed, and halfway through eating a banana - what he called breakfast, the barbarian - all before she’d even hit the snooze button on her alarm the first time in a long series of snoozes.  Now, all of a sudden, Merik was following her alarm’s example and snoozing right alongside Safi.  Not so long that he missed class - he hadn’t gone through a complete personality transplant - but enough that Safi awoke to a thoroughly eye-opening ‘good morning’.

Which was exactly why she was laying across Merik’s bed, her bottom half squeezed into the glitziest mermaid tail Amazon had to offer with her top half covered in plastic seashells and glitter like a beach craft project gone wrong.  The plan had seemed sensible enough: if they tried something new in the bedroom, then perhaps it would inspire him to try something new outside the bedroom.  Like, eat bacon and eggs for breakfast.  Or try role-playing as something else.  Her boyfriend, perhaps.

Under such a premeditated salacious scenario, it all sounded so childish now, but it was too late to back out.  With a look of determination setting on her sparkly face, she tossed her long blonde hair over her shoulder and adjusted her boobs with renewed commitment.  Tonight, she would initiate and complete.  She wasn’t entirely confident that she’d be able to get herself out of her tail without Merik’s help anyhow.

She hadn’t come over mermaidified.  Kullen had let her in, eyeing the multiple bags of supplies hanging from her arms warily and having the decency to listen to her rambling explanation without question when the plastic leaf garland she planned on using as a vine of seaweed flopped out of one of the bags.  About ten minutes later, he announced that he was heading over to Ryber’s and wouldn’t be back until late tomorrow.  Smart man.  

Safi stared at the bedroom door, a perfect beached mermaid, waiting for her sea captain to walk in and ravish his scaley catch.  Yes, this was good.  This was not at all insane.

5 minutes went by.

Safi wetted her lips, resisting the urge to roll off the bed and refile through her makeup bag.  It would be just her luck for Merik to walk in as she was reapplying a fresh coat of lipgloss.  It wasn’t worth the risk.  He’d be too distracted by the fish tail replacing her legs to notice that her lips had lost their sparkly sheen from two hours ago anyway.  

Another 10 minutes went by.

These sequins were going to leave permanent indentations in her ass if she didn’t move soon.

25 minutes.

His last class was supposed to have gotten out over an hour ago!  Where the hell was he?

30.

That’s it.  She was going to text him.

Then, suddenly, the door swung open and there was Merik, his dark hair tousled wet and his cheeks rosy, like he’d gotten caught in a snow flurry on the way home.  He stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of Safi, his hand gripped around the door knob.  She had turned to stone the moment the door clicked open.  With her torso twisted and arm strained backwards frozen in midair as she tried to acrobatically reach for her phone from the nightstand, their eyes met.

It took Safi several beats of stunned silence for her to remember that she had lines.  She jolted as though breaking out of a spell, the room filed with the rustle of sequins and (fake) pearl necklaces draped around her neck clacking against each as she gyrated back onto her side, all the while Merik still stood rooted in the doorway, his face bafflingly expressionless for a man who had just unsuspectingly walked in on a mermaid floundering on his bed.  

Safi took a single deep breath and began…

“Oh captain, my captain,” she recited in a musical lilt.  “To be caught in one’s net is but my kind’s greatest fear.  But to be caught in a gaze such as yours, I cannot say.  For it is a forbidden love we swim around.  I dare not say what would happen to me if I were discovered in the arms of a land dweller for it is too gruesome to even imagine… but I know of a place where no one can find us.  A secret lagoon that only I know of.  Where the water is warm and… and… what are you looking at??”

Merik’s eyes were narrowed in a deep frown.  Somewhere in the midst of her opening monologue, his attention had shifted to the rest of the bed and - more importantly - not her.

“This place is covered in glitter,” he said bluntly, looking around the room.

Safi blinked, momentarily stunned.  “What?”

“There’s glitter.  Everywhere,” he emphasized, still too engrossed with the contents of his room to even spare a look at her.    

A shock of disbelief robbed Safi of speech for a moment.  “Are you serious right now?”

“Yes, I’m serious,” he said, running a mystified hand through his hair and brushing the tip of his boot on a spot on the carpet that was no doubt fertilized with glitter.  He scowled.  “I’m going to have to burn this place down.”    

Safi’s mouth puckered open and close, fittingly, like a fish.  Heat flashed through her - and not the kind she was hoping he’d ignite from this encounter.

“Better start with the bathroom,” she jeered snidely.

At those words, Merik’s gaze finally snapped to her.  His brown eyes widened half a fraction and, without a word, he bolted from the room.  Safi listened for the telltale sound of the bathroom light being switched on and a smugness flitted across her pursed lips when she heard the satisfying gasp of horror that instantly followed after.      

Angry footsteps sounded from outside the room and Merik reappeared.

“It looks like Tinkerbell was murdered in there,” he accused, jabbing his thumb over his shoulder.  From her spot on the bed, she could see the red flush creeping up his neck that she had come to know so well from their many heated arguments - and the exhilarating reconciliations that followed.  He planted his hands on his hips and stood over her like an angry parent.  So not the role she was hoping he’d be playing right now.  

“Safi, what the hell is going on?”

“Relax, Tink’s fine.”

“Safi.”

“What do you think is going on?” Safi hissed, sounding more like a murderous siren than the seductive mermaid she had planned on.  Strangling him sounded just as pleasurable as sex at the moment.  

“I don’t know!” Merik half-shouted, throwing his hands up.  He looked Safi up and down in earnest for the first time since he walked through the door.  Underneath the irritation radiating off him was genuine confusion and he struggled for his next words.    

“This… is weird,” he finally landed on.  His hands dropped to his sides and his shoulders slumped a little.  He stared into Safi’s eyes clearly hoping she would say something, but she wasn’t in the mood to let him off the hook.  Not when she could feel angry tears prickling at the backs of her eyes.  This was such a stupid idea.  What had she been thinking?  She was an idiot for thinking she could pull this off.  Before Merik, she’d hardly had any experience with anyone.  Besides Caden.  

Ugh, she mentally harrumphed.  Chiseled Cheater.  Just the thought of him set her on fire.  Why after that trainwreck she’d entertained the fantasy of attaching herself more exclusively to another brainless cow was beyond her.  Something was truly wrong with her.  

When she didn’t say anything, Merik let out a rough sigh.  “Safi, I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Nothing!” Safi snapped, breaking from her thoughts and suddenly finding her voice.  Merik eyes widened.  

“You don’t have to say anything at all,” she continued in a coldly polite manner, raising herself up.  “I’m leaving.  Have a good night.”

Safi flipped onto her butt and began to scooch across Merik’s bed, digging her bound heels into the mattress to pull herself forward and propping her top half up with her hands.  She knew how undignified she must have looked, but she kept her chin held high, ignoring the way every piece of her ensemble made an ungodly amount of noise with the effort of her movements.  Just get up, she screamed at herself inside her head.  Just get up and get out and you’ll never have to see him ever again for as long as you live.

But she did want to see him.  And she hated herself for it.

That was the last thought she had when her feet touched the ground, for when she stood and tried to take a step forward, she toppled onto the floor.

And then Merik was on the floor with her, his face rippling with full-bellied laughter.  She’d never heard him laugh in such a way, so free and uncaring.  It would have sent her heart soaring if not for the not so minor fact that her humiliation was its cause.  Before she did something stupid, like grab his face and kiss him senseless, she reminded herself of that fact, then peeled her upper half off the floor and sent a venomous look his way.  

“Merik, I swear, if you don’t stop laughing, I’ll-”

But what Safi would do, they never found out.  Because when she tried to get back onto her feet, she’d fallen right back down and Merik crumpled into a heap on the floor dissolving into hysterics and clutching his stomach.    

“Stop laughing!” Safi cried, but either Merik couldn’t hear her over his own howling or he didn’t care.  The thought of the latter only made Safi angrier and with a strangled sob she tried to pull herself up by the bed sheets, wishing to get as far away from Merik Nihar as possible and forget that she’d ever met him.  She’d give him an unflattering nickname and forbid Iseult from speaking his name ever again.      

But then, without warning, she was in the air.  Strong arms wrapped under her knees and around her back.  Before she could protest, she was being gently lowered onto the bed, and the next moment, Merik had her caged underneath him.

He wasn’t laughing anymore.

Safi felt the tear that escaped the corner of her eye and slid down her temple before she could stop it.  She looked away, blinking unseeingly at the ceiling and huffed in frustration.  His face was drawing closer, so close that she could feel the warmth of his lips on hers.  And then, he paused.

“You’re acting real crazy, you know that?” he murmured huskily.

An indignant sound burst from Safi’s throat and was immediately swallowed by his mouth.  

It wasn’t this first time Merik Nihar had rendered Safi speechless.  Sometimes it was with his stupidity.  Other times with his bullheadedness.  And then there were times when he kissed her and stole the very air she breathed.

This was one of those times.

The sound of his deep exhalation the moment after their lips met was the only thing that nudged Safi’s lungs to back life.  The kiss was slow and deliberate and the arm still underneath her tightened its hold on her while the other kept himself propped up as to not crush her.  There was something incredibly sexy about the way that coarse wool of his jacket brushed against her bare skin with every roll of his head and Safi wished not for the first time that evening that her legs weren’t bound.  She cupped his face in her hands, dragging him closer, and finally he relented and lied down on her properly, the silken slide of their lips growing hotter, deeper.  In a matter of seconds he had every nerve-ending inside her crackling to life.        

The moment he stopped she wanted to grab him by the collar and yank him back down to her, but she restrained herself, too caught up in the softness of his eyes.  He smoothed her hair back from her flushed forehead, fingers bumping over the seashells among the waves as he peered down at her.  She had a feeling he wasn’t going to be the first person to break under the silence.

“I’m not crazy,” she finally said.  Although her voice was soft, a familiar defensiveness rang through.

The corner of Merik’s mouth curled up.  “I didn’t say you were crazy,” he countered, continuing to gaze down at her fondly.  “I said you were acting crazy.  Care to tell me why?”

Safi pressed her eyes shut and breathed in deeply - or she tried to.  The combination of the constrictive nature of her outfit and Merik’s lower half pressed deliciously against her was making it hard to breathe at the moment.

When she opened her eyes he was, unfortunately, still waiting for an answer.  She sighed.

“I just wanted to try something… new.”

Merik’s brow arched.

“In bed.”

“Oh.”  

There was a pause.  Safi willed her cheeks not to burn up.  She focused on the masculine bump of his throat and watched it slowly bob up and down as he swallowed.    

“Are you… bored?”

“No,” she was quick to answer, unable to stop herself from looking at him when she said it to assure him that it was true.  Relief softened his eyes, but his expression turned serious again a moment later.

“Are you unhappy?”

Safi’s heart thrummed against her breast, too powerful for even the bra so tightly bound to her chest to tamp down.  For a moment she lost herself in his questioning eyes.  The color on his cheeks gave him a boyish glow.  She could lie.  End this now and walk away in whatever humiliating capacity her mermaid tail allowed.  Roll, hop, slither across the floor like a garden snake - whatever.  The point was she would never have to face that feeling ever again if she wanted to.

“I’ve never been so happy with a man before in my life,” she confessed instead. 

Surprise flickered across Merik’s face.  

“So, naturally, I tried to change everything.”

Merik broke out into a chuckle, his eyes brightening with that rare smile of his that Safi was coming to adore so much, and his hand, which had been frozen for some time, resumed caressing her hair.

“By turning into a mermaid?” he asked, amused.

Safi nodded and Merik shook his head ruefully.  He pulled away slightly and peered down.  “How would this-” he gestured back and forth between their lower halves “-even work?”

A watery laugh broke through Safi.  “I don’t know!” she moaned covering her face with her hands, embarrassed, but finally able to appreciate the absurdity of it all.  Merik began laughing too, the sound soothing her jangled nerves, and he gently pulled her hands away so that he could see her.

“Did you have a costume for me?” he teased.

“You brag so much about that damn boat of yours I assumed you had one stashed away somewhere.”

“It’s not bragging.  It’s talking,” Merik corrected evenly.  He arched his brow.  “Where’s Kullen?”

Safi rolled her eyes.  Even with her half-naked underneath him he still couldn’t help his thoughts from wandering to Kullen.  She knew she shouldn’t judge.  She was the same way with Iseult afterall, but really, come on.    

“He’s far, far away at Ryber’s.”

A wolfish grin spread across Merik’s face and to Safi’s surprise said, “Good,” then leaned into her and found that sweet spot between her neck and shoulder with his lips.  Safi’s heart faltered.  

“Seriously?” she breathed, arching into his touch nonetheless.

“You did go through all the effort,” he murmured into her skin, kissing a path along her collarbone.  His hand traced a line down the middle of her chest, leaving a happy trail of goosebumps in its wake.  His fingers spread along her ribcage, a searing handprint on her skin, and his thumb slipped under her bra, brushing the underside of her breast.  A shiver ran through Safi.  Hell-gates, it was going to hurt like hell when the time came to rip those seashells, but holy shit it would be worth it.  Possessed with an urgency to anchor herself she plunged her hands into his thick hair and cradled him to her.

“Plus,” he said between kisses, “I don’t mind trying new things.  Here or… wherever.”

Safi’s hands paused.  She’d never know if he felt the flutter of her heart under his lips, but he lifted his head to gaze up at her from her bare collar.  His dark eyes smoldered with meaning and somehow Safi knew what he was saying.  They always did understand each other best when they kept their mouths shut.

“Really?” she sniffed, careful to put on an air of indifference.  She may have been voluntarily bound beneath him, but she wasn’t about to give herself away entirely.

“Really.”  

They held each other's gaze for a moment, then Merik’s face slowly lit up with a lopsided grin.  Safi tried to contain the smile breaking out across her lips, halfway succeeding.  It was enough for Merik, though, and pressing a tender kiss upon her chest, he returned to his exploration of her neck.  She let her head fall back and a breathy sigh passed through her lips, fingers curling in his hair, only to be cut short by a startled gasp when he nipped her earlobe rather boldly.  

“A little advice for the future, domna?” he said in a low voice, and her traitorous body stiffened at the seductive dominance honeying his words.  His breath was hot against her ear as he took an insufferable pause no doubt for dramatic effect.

“Play to your strengths.”

In one graceful move, Safi pushed him off her and rolled him onto his back so that she was on top of him.  

She planned on doing just that.  

[tangenciales]

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Royal Blood [Alpha!Cal AU] - The Girl Who Cried Wolf. Part 2

The Girl Who Cried Wolf | Royal Blood | No Love Go | Gimme

Summary: No matter how fast you run, you can’t run from yourself

Warnings: oh, wow, where do I start?.. still, a lot of smut, still nothing too gross, but full on smut. also description of violence and abusive and toxic relationship, some curse words and, as usual, lack of proofreading

A/N: so, “The Girl Who Cried Wolf” got such a great response from you, guys, (thank you a million times for that again) that my vague ideas formed into the whole plan for this series, so, here’s part two to the story of our two wolves, which isn’t going to be last for sure! All my love goes to my pixie @bringmethehorizonandpizza for tolerating me and kicking my ass during this hell of a ride (and this part is hell of a ride, trust me). Traditionally, thank you @flannelpunkcalum for alpha Cal 😘. Huge shout out to the wonderful @burncrashbromance for the mind blowing lyrics edit you can see in the moodboard (the theme song for this part is ‘Little Monster’ by Royal Blood). I’m really in love this this part, so I hope you’ll like it too. Feedback is extremely appreciated, as always. Enjoy!

***

You’d been riding a guy’s dick for ten minutes straight already. You legs were starting to hurt, yet you were nowhere near to your orgasm. You were bouncing in a steady rhythm, your hands on your own hips, head a little thrown back. You closed your eyes, trying to concentrate on the feeling of the thick cock inside of you. The guy, whose name you wouldn’t remember for the dear life, was holding your waist to help you grind. He wasn’t kissing your breasts as you’d like, wasn’t even palming them, too busy enjoying the fact that the hot girl from the club was riding him right now. But he had a hard dick and that was enough for now.

You leaned forward and put all your weight on your left arm, sliding your right hand down your body to you clit. You started rubbing circles on it, bringing the guy to the extase by the mere view of you doing it. But you cared only about cumming right now. The new angle made you change the rhythm of your moving, your ass motioning smoothly against guy’s hips. You felt his dick going deeper inside you. The sensation was so good, yet not completely enough. You closed your eyes and tried to distance from the guy’s moans. You’ve learned already there was only one way for you to reach the high, so you let your memory bring him back again.

You almost whimpered at the pictures flashing through your mind. His dark skinned torso under you, his tattoos on display. His hands grabbing on your tits as he’s moving up to suck on your nipple. His plump lips on your clit.

That memory of his lips was the last drop. You could swear you remembered how they felt on each part of your body he kissed that night. You cried out and came on guy’s dick thinking about the sex with alpha which happened more than a week ago. You let the guy move you under him and chase his release, riding your high through it.

When you both were done, you just put your clothes back on, smiled to his offer to stay for the second round and left his place without looking at him twice. You felt the same pit in your stomach as before the sex and you knew the second round wouldn’t help you with it. Nothing would.

You sighed as you entered your apartment, kicking off your shoes and slipping off of your dress. That was the fourth guy in a week. You didn’t even feel ashamed, at this point it became almost science. You were gathering statistics, and for now it was frustrating.

You got into the shower, hot streams of water soothing your skin a little, while you were trying to get your mind straight. You fucked four guys in the last six days. You’d never been innocent, you had to admit, but that was a record even for you. And every time it was the same. No matter how good they were in bed, you couldn’t cum without thinking of the alpha. And after the sex it seemed like your hunger got even stronger.

Just like now. You sighed and rested your head against cold tiles. You’ve had a dick inside of you less than half an hour ago. Yet here you were, horny as ever, wishing for the certain hands sliding down your body right now instead of your own. You closed your eyes and gave in. You knew it wouldn’t help you, but you couldn’t resist images of him in the shower with you. You almost felt his hot breath on your shoulder, could hear him groaning in your ear. Your hand didn’t even stop at your clit, fingers going straight into your pussy. Your imagination was already painting you a picture of him pounding in you from behind, his hips slapping at your ass, his hands wandering up to your breasts and then down again to squeeze your ass. He’d be going fast, no tenderness in his movements, each of his thrusts making you stand on your tiptoes. He’d be too caught up in the feeling of your tight pussy around him to even kiss your shoulder as he’d done minutes before, just breathing through his clenched teeth next to your neck, growling at how fucking good you were.

You felt your walls clenching around your fingers, coming in no time, whining so loudly, even water couldn’t muffle the sound. When you could breathe again, you slided down the wall on your shower floor. You clasped your legs, hiding your face in your knees, letting water hit on your back. Was that how it was going to be now? Were you finally doomed? You’d felt the hunger like that before, once, many years ago. That was the moment it all finished for you in the wolves’ world.

You sobbed and felt the salt in the water on your face. There was only one explanation of what was going on with you. But fuck you if you were ready to believe in it. Because if it was, what you were afraid it was… Well, it meant the end for your life as you knew it. So was it the end of you?

Was he the end of you?

***

Calum frowned in his own coffee cup.

He was sitting in his car, outside Ashton’s house, waiting for his best friend, who was late as usual. The hour was too early to function, honestly, and they had a long, boring and difficult meeting with the potential partners in front of them. But that wasn’t the reason of his frowning.

Truth to be told, Cal was off the whole past week. And he would lie if he said, it hadn’t started with him waking up alone and finding out his little omega had just left him. He knew the trick, been putting it up himself one too many times. But she was the first woman who did it to him, and Calum didn’t like the feeling at all. How did she leave without waking him up? How come he didn’t hear her, when several hours before all his feelings had been tuned up with her. But as hard as that pill was, he swallowed it. She didn’t want anything more than one night. Deal, he was on the same page. Not even starting with the fact, that he’d never bothered with omegas. It was supposed to be one night only. Just to satisfy his hunger and interest. And even though her ability to just leave him in the morning regardless of what her omega nature might have demanded from her, still kept his interest up, Calum almost came to terms with the idea of just letting her go.

Almost. One tiny detail still torturing him. He could smell her. Every moment of every damn day since that night he was feeling her scent. In his bed (obviously, as he didn’t change the sheets, but only because he had no time, of course, and not because he wanted to feel her smell), everywhere he went (like he smelled of her now), and especially in his car. That was probably his imagination, he went to the car wash the very next day. Just the memory of her sucking his dick while he’d been driving was making the feeling so intense. But he couldn’t really smell her, that’s for sure. She lived in a different part of the town and Calum tried his hardest to avoid any possibility of crossing ways with her. Still, he smelled her. And it was already driving him mad.

“I know I’m late, shut up,” dropped Ashton, climbing on a passenger’s seat and grabbing his coffee.

Calum didn’t even look at his friend, too deep in his own thoughts. He just started his car and left the parking lot.

“So, I took a look of their offer last night,” Ashton started couple minutes and half of his coffee later, “and it’s total bullshit. I just hope they also understand it. We’re not going to have any business with them on such terms.”

Calum only hummed to that, trying to concentrate on the road.

“Let’s just be civilized, yeah?” Ashton continued. “I’m sure I’ll be able to come to the agreement with them in a diplomatic way. No need to go full on alpha on them from the beginning,” he chuckled.

“As you say,” his friend nodded.

“What’s with you today?” asked Ashtin, finally sparing his friend a concerned look. “And what’s that smell?” he went on, scrunching his face.

Calum’s frown grew deeper, as he looked at Ashton peeking around his car.

“What smell?” he asked with suspicious, stopping at the traffic light.

The very next moment Ashton opened his glove box and choked on his coffee.

“What the fuck, Cal?”

Calum bent to the glove box and let a quiet laugh, as he understood, what Ashton was talking about. Her underwear was crumpled and shoved into his glove box next to his documents and some car stuff, spreading around the wonderful smell of her sweet pussy.

“So I haven’t imagined her smell,” he muttered, sitting back up and setting the car in motion as the light turned green. He felt his mood lightening up.

“Care to explain why you have some omega’s panties in your car?” hissed Ashton, shutting the glove box.

Cal looked at his friend, cocky smirk back on his face. “And why do you think, Ash?”

Ashton rolled his eyes. “I’m not about the gory details, you smartass! I’m about the fact, that you don’t do omegas!”

Calum only shrugged to that. Seriously though, how much did he need to explain to answer that simple question.

“What I find much more interesting, is that you can actually smell she’s omega, yet at the party couple weeks ago you couldn’t even smell she was a wolf,” he noted, again concentrating on his driving. Though he couldn’t help looking at Ashton’s shocked expression.

“That omega? How did it happen?”

“Like you don’t know how it happens,” Calum rolled his eyes and got a hit on his shoulder. “Hey, if you haven’t noticed, I’m driving!”

“No, you’re being a dick,” argued Ashton. “Who is she?”

Calum sighed. “She’s from the north, we tracked her to the last city she lived in, but couldn’t find her original pack. If she had a pack, she must have left it many years ago. Lives among humans, has no contacts to wolves at all.”

“Why?”

“Have no idea,” Calum shrugged. He never really questioned that. He knew this world was full of lonely wolves like her, more often women than men, for that matter. And her lifestyle didn’t surprise him a bit, it only made everything easier. No pack meant no problems in bringing her to his pack. And even though she did leave him that morning, something in Calum made him sure that possibility still existed.

“So you were looking for her?” Ashton continued his questioning, more than just intrigued by the thoughtfulness on his friend’s face.

“Maybe,” Calum quirked an eyebrow.

“Why?”

Calum shrugged, searching for a place to park his car. “Couldn’t really shake her out of my mind.”

Ashton nodded, fully satisfied with that explanation. He finished his coffee and threw another careful look at Calum. “Do you think she may be…?” he didn’t finish the question, knew Calum hated the word.

“I’m trying not to think about it,” Calum admitted. He stopped the car and looked around the street.

��Yeah, but what if she is?”

Calum sighed and turned to his friend. “Then I’m fucked, Ash.”

With that he got out of car, leaving Ashton laugh at him inside.

***

The clinking of the elevator was probably the only sound on this floor, as you were probably the only person left in the building. It was past midnight, and saying you were tired would be an understatement. You were exhausted with the amount of work you’d been doing, the lack of sleep and feeling horny permanently. You’d stopped your sexual escapades lately, getting they were only making it worse and tried another method, abstinence. This didn’t help either, but at least you were getting some extra sleeping time. You were on the verge of tears this last couple days which never happened to you before, and considered you were going mad in much less joking manner.

You opened an Uber app as the elevator doors opened and started to enter your address. You were too sleepy and distracted this morning to drive, so you left your car in it’s parking lot and relied on the Uber. You heard heavy steps behind you and hurried to tap on the order button, switch off your phone screen and get into the elevator. To you dismay, Nick was fast enough to get in the elevator before the doors closed. You kept your sigh inside and tried to act it cool. You didn’t talk much since you rejected him in the bar that night, only if you had no way to avoid it. You leaned on the elevator wall and closed your eyes. You felt he wasn’t going to miss this opportunity, yet you were praying for him to keep his mouth shut.

“Didn’t know you were staying so late,” he started. You clenched your teeth and just shrugged, trying to show you weren’t up to the talking.

“I actually have a question for you,” Nick carried on.

Of fucking course you do, you thought, sighing and opening your eyes. “Can I avoid answering it?” you asked out loud.

“Don’t think so,” Nick shook his head, you heard anger in his voice. “I just still don’t get what you’re up to.”

“Excuse me?” you frowned, questioning again if sex with him was really good enough to bear with all of this now.

“You said, you don’t look for anything serious.”

“No, I don’t.”

“So you’re just fucking around?”

You smirked, “What a rude way to state it.”

The elevator clinked again and the doors opened. You entered the spacious hall, feeling Nick’s intense glare on your back.

“So what about that guy from the bar then?” he kept interrogating you.

“What guy from the bar?” you asked tiredly, god knows there were enough guys from the bars in the last several days.

“That night, when you told me you weren’t interested. You left with the guy,” Nick explained as they left the building and came out to the parking.

“And what about him?” you sighed and opened the uber app to check how far was the car. The next moment you felt the urge to shove your phone against the concrete pavement. You made a spelling mistake in your address and the app was politely asking you to check it. There was no car ordered.

“Is he your boyfriend?” Nick came around and stood right in front of you, demanding an answer.

“I don’t do boyfriends,” you shook your head, correcting the mistake in your address.

“But he kissed you like he owned you.”

Your fingers froze over the phone. You couldn’t fight the smile brought by the memory. He did kiss you like he owned you. And of course your imagination went off at the mere thought of alpha, you swear you could smell him in the night wind.

“So?” Nick questioned again.

You switched off your phone again and looked up at him. Unexpectedly, you met a pair of dark brown eyes instead of Nick’s light blue.

“So what?” asked alpha behind Nick’s back.

Your senses went wild the moment you heard his voice. You could hear alpha’s steady calm breath and human’s heart running faster with every other second, smelled alpha’s scent enveloping you, felt sour smell of Nick’s fear and the unholy sweet smell of your own juices. You saw alpha’s eyes brighten a little with lust as he met your stare.

Nick slowly turned back and looked at the other man. Alpha was slightly taller, but it felt like he was leaning over the human. You looked at Nick’s fingers trembling a little. If you were him, you’d be scared too.

“Back off, man, it’s a private conversation,” Nick scoffed.

You raised your eyebrows in surprise. Sure, Nick had no idea who he was talking to, but still having enough courage to say something like this at this level of fear was impressive. The roar didn’t leave alpha’s chest, but was loud enough for your ears. You felt wetness between your thighs immediately. Oh, what would you do for that roar.

“Why don’t you back off, man, of the lady who’s already said she’s not interested in you?” alpha pointed out with a smug look on his face.

“And how exactly is that your business? Are you her guy or what?”

You groaned inaudibly.

Alpha made one more step towards Nick. “You have no idea, who I am,” he said in a low voice.

You knew there was no way they finished that testosterone rush themselves.

“Nick,” you said, touching his shoulder, “just leave, please.”

He turned to you, looking offended and betrayed. “Fuck you both,” he muttered and set off to his car. A minute later you were left face to face with the alpha, Nick’s car rushing through the quiet streets of sleeping town.

Alpha smiled at you. “That’s why sleeping with humans isn’t a good idea,” he said, the same smugness in his voice.

“Says the guy who fucked how many human girls exactly?” your voice was sweet as sugar venom and you didn’t even try to fight your smile as you congratulated yourself of wiping his smirk off his stupidly gorgeous face.

You opened the uber app for what seemed a thousandth time that night.

“You don’t need that, I’ll give you a ride,” he said and you felt his hand on your arm, motioning you to turn in the direction of his car. He took couple steps towards it and froze, realising you weren’t following. “Omega?” he asked, looking back at you. You looked at him, you almost considered his offer. But you knew getting in his car was a bad idea, probably, the worst ever. The were reasons you left him the morning after. And those reasons didn’t disappear.

“First, I told you I’m not your omega. So stop calling me this. Second, I’m not getting in your car.”

You met his irritated look, your eyes cold and not giving anything away. His reaction was anything but what you were expecting. He chuckled at you and shook his head. “You’re so mistaken.”

You felt anger rise inside. “About what exactly?”

“Everything,” he stated simply. “Plus, you left something in my car the last time you were there. Wanna get it back?” same cocky smile back on his lips.

“Nah, that was a present,” you smiled back and switched your attention back to your phone.

“Well, then, thank you,” he muttered coming back up to you and taking your phone from your hands.

“What now?” you asked, exhaustion filling your voice.

“I told you, you don’t need it.”

“Well that’s just childish,” you said, pointing to your phone in his hand.

“Look who’s talking,” he rolled his eyes on you. “Now get your pretty ass in the car.”

You shrugged, said, “Enjoy the view of my pretty ass then,” turned in the opposite direction and started walking up to the park on the far corner of the street. You heard him exhale irritatedly and follow your steps.

“What now? You think you can just walk away from me?”

“Watch me,” you dropped not even looking back. He would hear you anyway, you knew.

“Come on, omega! I’m bigger and faster and stronger. You can’t just run away from me.”

You snorted to that. “Funny how you think it has anything to do with you. I just wanna get home, alone, lacking the company of you, Nick or anybody else.”

You stepped onto the park grass and kicked off your high heeled shoes. The grass under your feet felt magically, the ground still warm from a hot day, little drops of dew tickling on your toes. You dropped your purse not stopping for a moment, knowing full well he was following you. You had no intention of coming back to his bedroom, but you had to pay him back for stealing your phone and trying to force you into anything. You walked to the tall trees deeper inside the park and started to unzip your dress. The moment you were sure no one except the alpha was possibly able to see you, you picked on the hem of your dress and pulled it up. You dropped your dress on the ground, turning back and looking at the alpha, his stare wander over your body covered now only in a set of navy lingerie. You heard him hiss and saw the bulge forming in his pants at the sight of your body in the street lamps’ light.

“You know you can be arrested for this?” he said, his voice low. You heard danger in his tone and felt shivers running up your back.

“And who’s gonna arrest me? You?” you mocked him, raising your hands up behind your back and unclasping your bra, which fell on the ground next to your dress.

You basked in the way he was looking at you, with hunger and lust in his eyes. You knew you held all the power that moment, could ask for pretty much anything. Yet that would be too easy of a victory for you.

“Like what you see?” you asked, smiling devilishly at him.

He didn’t answer anything, just rubbed his chin, his eyes not leaving you for a moment. So you just bent and pulled your panties all the way down your legs until you were completely bare in front of him. You stood back up, stepped out of your panties, leaving them with the rest of your clothes on the grass and stepped back into the clearing behind the trees. You stopped right under the rays of moonlight coming through branches and painting your skin silver and looked again at the alpha. He took couple of steps in your direction, you heard blood rush in his veins, knew he was hardly holding back. So you just smiled at him, licked your lips and shifted.

You felt defocused for a moment, almost lost your balance, finally standing on all four legs after so many years. But it was only a moment, wolf’s instincts taking over you. You got used to hiding the memory of the feeling so deep inside of you, yet it was never forgotten. You felt so damn free, so happy, so beautiful. You inhaled the night air and turned your face to the other wolf. Alpha was standing on the same spot, looking at you in awe. He took another moment to memorize the way your silver fur was glowing in the moonlight and started to unbuckle his belt.

You knew you had so much of a head start before he’d shift and come after you. You spared him one last look and set in motion. You ran through the park, which almost felt like forest, if not for the city smells and the lack of true forest noises. You could hear alpha behind you before you reached the other side of the park. His paws hit the ground heavier than yours, but with the same speed. You sniffed and raised your speed. You crossed the road as fast as you could and whisked into one of backyards, away from street lamps and late night walkers. You heard him run closer up to you, his roar following you suit. He was an alpha and you assumed he might happen to be pretty fast. But you weren’t your father’s fastest wolf for nothing. So you let go of your fears and all of the issues you had with your wolf nature and just ran, as fast as you could, jumping over fences and enjoying every moment of your freedom.

You heard him slowing down soon enough, not even halfway through the distance. You didn’t flatter yourself with the idea that you really were faster than him. You knew alpha could reach you if he really wanted. He decided to let you go, maybe surprised by your speed, but not outrun by you. Soon you lost his smell, and by the time you came closer to your block of flats, you felt like the only wolf under the moon.

You sneaked a glance on your front door from the dark corner of the building, realising how not thought through was your plan. Sure, you teased alpha, but how you were supposed to get into the building now in a wolf shape and without the keys? Shifting back in a human’s form here on the street wasn’t a good idea either. Even if some lunatic type of neighbour of yours would be coming in or out of the building, how would you explain your naked ass outside at this hour?

You straddled back behind the corner of the building, sat down on the cold pavement and tried to think, which wasn’t easy in a wolf’s shape. One part of you, the bigger one at the moment, was convinced there was nothing better than spending the night under the stars, you just needed to find a softer piece of ground. But this part also wanted to howl at the moon, so you weren’t sure you should have listened to it. There was also one more part of you, made of instincts and dark desires, pulling you to the opposite side of the town, to one certain spacious house. It longed to crawl inside and fall to the feet of the alpha. Though there was no chance you’d listen to that part of yours either. The human part of you raised your head up, to where the fire escape was.

You stood up and tried to aim for the first landing. It was pretty high for a wolf, but four attempts finally brought you there. You had no trouble then, knowing well the door to the fire escape on your floor was never locked. You easily turned off the lights in the corridor, and needed no more than ten seconds to shift back into human, snatch your emergency key and whisk inside your apartment. There you leaned on the door and exhaled. There definitely were certain perks of being a human in a humans’ world.

You realised you left to alpha your phone and purse with all your stuff along with the keys. Thank fuck, your car keys were safely on the table near the door, as you didn’t drive that day. But you really wanted the other stuff back. You rolled your eyes at your own impulsiveness, questioning if teasing the alpha was really worth all the trouble. But you were too tired and agitated to think about it right now. You thought you won’t be able to sleep, your mind rushing with everything that happened today, but the exhaustion soon lulled you into much desired oblivion, leaving all the worries for the morning after.

***

Calum was running back to the park, sniffing at the city smells. He hated shifting inside the town, too many noises and severe smells for the wolf’s senses. But, he had to admit, tonight’s show was totally worth it.

Damn omega was driving him crazy. Calum was positive he never felt this kind of attraction to anyone in his life. And in a wolf shape these feelings only intensified. She was so beautiful, as a human and as a wolf. And she was doomed, just like him, no matter how fast she was running away from it.

As he stepped back into the park, he felt something was different. He couldn’t see or hear anything, but his instincts were on a verge. And Calum learned to trust his instincts long time ago. He slowed down and tried to keep closer to the trees. The first thing he noticed was clear grass, no sight of their clothes anywhere. Calum would have lied, if he’d said he didn’t think about some late wanker stealing their stuff, though he did hope it wouldn’t happen. But there was something else. Calum froze on the spot and lowered his head, trying to get the smell of whatever was lingering on the other side of the park.

“Seriously, dude?” Ashton’s voice was like a thunder in the silence of the night. “Gonna sniff me?”

Calum straightened and walked out of his shelter. Low roar was the answer to Ashton’s grunt. The wolf came up to his friend and looked around, then looked up at Ash in a silent questions.

“They’re in my car,” Ashton answered with a sigh. “Let’s go.”

He walked to his car, Calum running nearby and opened the backseat door. By the time Ashton got to the driver seat, he already had a naked six feet dude in the back.

“The fuck you were thinking?” he started as Cal got into his pants. “Shifting in the middle of a town? Are you completely out of your freaking mind?”

Calum pulled his shirt on and looked at his friend in a rearview mirror, quirking an eyebrow.

“You know the answer to that question.”

Ashton turned back and looked at Calum with all the anger he had right now. Sadly, his friend had just bent down to tie up his shoes, so Ashton had only his nape to burn through. “Since when do you think with your balls, man?”

Cal chuckled and looked up. “She’s in a heat.”

“Wait, what?” Ashton choke on his own words.

“She’s in a heat,” his friend repeated in a calm voice, putting on his jacket and checking the pockets.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, could smell her even while she was yet in a building.”

“Well, then excuse me, but why isn’t she fucking your brain out right now?”

“It didn’t hit her fully yet,” Calum leaned back on the seat and finally looked straight at Ashton, cocky smile on his lips. “I guess, will do in a couple of days. I think she still doesn’t understand what’s going on.”

Ashton nodded, they kept silent for couple of moments.

“So that means…” Ash started.

“Yeah,” Calum returned hastily.

Suddenly Ashton clapped his hands and bursted out laughing. “You are so fucked, my boy!”

“Not yet,” Calum snorted, “but intent to be soon, thank you very much.”

He looked at a pile of her clothes, carefully put together by Ashton. He didn’t know where this feeling came from, but he knew it wasn’t going to be easy for him. He knew she wasn’t going to be easy for him. He sighed.

“Anyway, how come you are here?”

Ashton shrugged nonchalantly, but seeing his friend waiting look, gave in. “Mike’s been at Luke’s, when I crashed. And Mike said you’ve been acting odd lately, so I decided to go and check on you.”

“Mhm, but that doesn’t explain you being here,” nodded Calum, his eyebrows furrowed.

Ashton sighed and admitted, “I may or may not have tracked you down.”

“Un-fucking-believable,” Calum crossed his arms on his chest, looking at Ashton. “My own pureblood gossips behind my back to your pureblood, and after that my best friend tracks me down.”

“Hey, you can’t actually blame us! Not everyday you’re going crazy about an omega.”

“Yeah, right,” Calum hummed, taking his car keys from his pocket. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’ll go and spend some time with my purebloods to show them that nothing’s actually changed. And I’ll take that,” he added, picking up omega’s stuff.

“Are you sure you’ll be able to leave her these and then actually leave her?” Ashton teased looking at the pile of clothes in Calum’s hands.

“Good night, Ash,” Calum only rolled his eyes and got out of car.

“Good night, loverboy!” cheered Ashton in an open window and started his car.

Calum only smirked. He knew Ashton was probably right, but, thank fuck, being an alpha meant having people to do delivery for him. He sighed again as he got into his car. If only other problems with his omega were so easily solved.

***

You woke up feeling awfully. Your whole body hurt, you head was heavy, muscles refused to stretch properly. That was your post-shifting hangover, and truth to be told, you were expecting it. You knew the price for not shifting for so long. Though this time it was totally worth it, you thought remembering alpha’s hungry eyes.

Nor hot shower, neither strong coffee helped you to feel better. While putting on a bracelet, you noticed that your hands were shaking. You frowned. That was too much of a reaction even for such a long pause. You felt so anxious, so unstable all of a sudden. Like a wolf feeling an upcoming earthquake, you wanted to fall on the ground and listen to what the Mother of All would whisper to you. And then run. Run as fast and as long as you only could. Because whatever it was, that was coming, it would uproot trees and make rivers flow backwards and eventually it would crash you. You could hear it coming and you were scared. For the first time in your entire life you were truly scared.

You smelled him, when you were putting your dress on. There was a wolf behind your apartment door. Not your alpha, not even a pureblood. A young beta you were positive you’d never met before. He knocked on the door once and walked away. You put on some flats, absolutely not in the mood for heels, and walked up to the door and opened it. Whoever that beta was, he already left the building. There was a paper bag left on your threshold. You carefully looked inside and smiled against your will. Your clothes were there, folded, your purse on top of a neat pile. You checked your purse and found your cell phone there, fully charged and with one unread message. From ‘Big Bad Alpha’. You chuckled and opened the text.

“Once you’re done trying to fuck me outta your head, give me a call.”

You rolled your eyes. That was definitely not what you were doing. And of course nothing of that was connected to him. But he, typical alpha, thought the whole world was spinning around his precious persona.

You grabbed your stuff and left for work. Thank all the gods it was finally Friday and you had to get through eight hours of work and then you’d have the whole weekend to get back to normal.

But all your hopes were actually in vain. You had just to look at Nick in the office to understand how deep in this you were. All the pictures of the night you’d spent with him were rushing in your mind. His arms, his lips, his tongue, his dick. You felt an urge to grab him by the hand and fuck him in the closest restroom. You shook your head and buried your nose in the financial report you had to analyse for the afternoon meeting.

Things got really harder when one of your colleagues offered you to have some coffee. While everyone were lounging during their not so much deserved break around the coffee machine, you couldn’t help but study men’s crotches and guess what was hidden inside their pants. Your hands were shaking more and more and soon you felt your neck sweating under your hair. Your body temperature was rising, you couldn’t control yourself anymore and at some point, after another hungry look at the man passing by your workplace, you understood you could soon become dangerous to people around. Each time you blinked, you were seeing alpha. You didn’t even need to imagine him naked, the memory of just his stupid smirk was setting you on fire.

You didn’t need to convince your boss in anything. By lunchtime you looked so bad, she didn’t just believed you were having flu, she basically assumed it herself and ordered you to leave the building before you could infect anybody else.

The wisest option was to go home, take a shower and after a glass or two of whiskey think about actually calling the alpha. But you were never that wise. So twenty minutes later you entered the bar you first met him and asked for a drink. Bartender didn’t look at you twice, not having any interest in people downing a double whiskey in one go in the middle of the day. But the guy sitting next to you happened to be more than interested in a girl downing a double whiskey in one go. You weren’t sure what exactly he said, you thought he called you pretty, but you weren’t sure. What you were sure about was how right his lips felt on your neck in the bar toilet, where you shoved him in five minutes later. His hands were a little too rough, but you didn’t care, too busy unbuckling his belt.

You almost came the moment he slid into you. You were leaning over the sink and he was taking you from behind. He was going hard, his hips slapping at yours. You closed your eyes, momentarily forgetting where and who you were with. The mere idea of his yellowish eyes made you moan. His low roars were bumping in your ears, synchronised to your blood flow. You had to bite on your lip to prevent yourself from crying, as you imagined his big but gentle hands on your hips. Soon you were moving towards the guy, trying to get him deeper, where you were aching for, as you admitted now, something much more different then a quicky in a bar. You finished faster than you were expecting, too exhausted by the pining and wait, and slipped off the guy. He tried to protest, but you smiled, taking his dick in your hand and helping him cum like that. You were desperate, but not to the point of letting him cum into you.

He left you soon after he finished, giving you some time and space to clean up. You looked in the mirror and hardly managed to keep yourself from smashing it. You closed your eyes and inhaled deeply. You didn’t feel easier. You didn’t feel anything for that matter. The black pit inside your abdomen was still there and there was only one dick on this entire damn planet to satisfy that hunger now. You finally saw what he was talking about. You were in a heat. What’s more, you were in a heat for him. You were doomed.

You left the bar as abruptly as you came there. The drive home was rushed. You took a shower, threw away the clothes you were in today and sat on your couch. Your phone was on a coffee table in front of you. You fit a cushion under your left arm and let yourself consider your options. Option number one was to call him. Humiliating? Yes. But also solving all of your problems, in a short term at least. Option number two was not calling him and probably spending the whole night humping on a cushion.

You sighed and dialed his number. Alpha picked after the first signal, he was obviously waiting for your call.

“Where are you now?” he asked directly, his voice is quiet and businesslike.

“Home.”

“Will be there in ten,” and with that he hung up on you.

You exhaled as you understood that you were holding your breath through that painfully short conversation. His humorless attitude let you hope he wouldn’t make it more embarrassing than it already were. You had to hold on for ten more minutes now. Ten more minutes that would be probably the longest in your life.

He didn’t need to knock, you heard his steps as soon as he entered your floor and the door was unlocked even before that. He rushed through the hallway and shut the door behind him with a deafening bang, but fuck it if you cared. His eyes were already bright yellow. He felt your need and his instincts were taking over his self control, just like yours.

You somehow missed the moment when he started kissing you. Maybe you blinked or lost consciousness for a moment because of how heavenly his lips felt on your burning skin. His smell enveloped you and finally, fucking finally, you felt your shudder slowing down.

“Could smell you from two blocks away,” he was humming in between heated kisses, all tongues and teeth, your back pressed to your door, his lips slipping on your jaw. “You must be suffering. My poor omega, took you quite some time.”

And that moment, whimpering from just his lips, you realised.

“Name,” you moaned in his ear.

“What?” he whispered, trying to focus on your face. You took the opportunity to dig your teeth in his lower lip, so plump and so red already.

“Your name,” you said again, a moment or a century later, when he lowered his head to your collarbones. “I still don’t know your name.”

You felt his chuckle on your skin, his breath burning you to the bones. He looked  at you face again, then, not dropping the eye contact, he pushed your legs apart with his thigh and basically lowerer you on it. You cried out and closed your eyes, bright flashes flicker under your eyelids.

“Big bad alpha would do, love,” he mused.

You opened your eyes to meet his cocky smile. You shook your head, subtly grinding on his thigh. “I’m not calling you this,” you said stubbornly. You may have been ready to fall at his feet, but you weren’t boosting his ego with calling him that.

He smirked at you, “We’ll see about this when I fuck you nice and deep.”

And to that you could just sob, cause that was basically the only thing you needed right now.

He looked around your living room fast, picked you up with “I got you, love,” and in the next moment you found yourself bent over your own couch. His hands caressed your hips for a second and then picked on your sleeping shorts and pulled them down. The air was cooling your heat down, but it only added to your torture. He didn’t try to touch you or go with any other kind of foreplay. He knew you ached for him. No time wasted, he just took his dick out and entered you.

You choke on the sensation. It hurt and stretched you so much, but also was the best damn feeling in the world. He gave you literally a moment to get used to him and then he went hard. Each thrust was pushing him deeper inside you, where you were burning with your lust. He leaned on the headrest, his hands on both sides of you, not holding you anymore, the only contact between your bodies where he was sinking down into you. The sofa started to move forward with every his movement, making him laugh shortly. You felt your feet slip on the floor and alpha moved one hand back on you waist to pine you down and not let you fall. Not like you’d care much if you did fall. At this point you weren’t sure if you’d even notice, all your senses centred on his dick inside your core. You were moaning yes’s and fuck’s at his every move, it felt better than any sex you’d had before. The only thing you needed now, was to cum. Alpha bent lower, his breath blaze your ear.

“Come on, love,” he whispered, pushing inside harder and harder every time. “Been waiting for so long, just let go now.”

He dropped his head on your shoulder, his chest pressed to your back. You felt vibrations of his low roars with your spine, feeling so intimate and so intense. He sensed how close you were, turned his head and started sucking under you ear. He remembered how you were moaning the previous time from his kisses there. And this time it only made you whine louder. You couldn’t hold it back anymore, you felt the climax bursting up inside you. The heat was burning all your other feelings down. You were finally cumming, forgetting everything. There was only your alpha left in the world. Only him and the sensation he was giving to you.

You were bubbling something uncontrollably, feeling tears in your eyes, moving your hips, trying to ride your high on his dick. You felt his laugh and then he stood up and slid out of you, making you sob.

“I know you wanna ride it out, but I haven’t finished with you yet,” he said, as he picked you up. Yes, he was an alpha and so he was extremely strong, but when he was lifting you like you weighed nothing at all you were almost losing it right there.

“Bedroom is that door,” you snorted, seeing him moving to the bathroom door.

He easily maneuvered, lightly kicked the door open and, crossing the room in two big steps, carefully lowered you down.

“Take off your shirt,” he asked, but not ordered, while getting out of his own clothes.

You happily obliged. You were pretty sure you’d take off your skin if he’d asked you to. He took your naked body in as he freed from his own shirt. You almost moaned from the way he was looking at you. Until his sight stumbled at a thin claw scar on your side. It was the first time he saw your naked body in a daylight. You took he didn’t remember that detail from the first night you spent together. You could feel the question form in his head, but you didn’t have time for that, not now, not while you were still aching for him.

You sat up and pulled on his open jeans, taking them down along with his boxers. He bent to take his shoes off and caught your lips with his lips, as he was done with them. He moved you further on the bed, his lips and hands not leaving your body for a moment. You were clenching on his shoulders, basically hanging on him. His body felt so hard yet so soft at the same time. Muscles shift under his dark skin as he moved you even closer to him. You were kissing feverishly, like you both were dying from thirst and your lips were the only source of water. You were drinking each other, breathing each other, not stopping, not letting go for a moment, your bodies fitting each other perfectly. You felt your eyes filling with tears again. In this moment everything was like it was supposed to be, and you finally were right where you were supposed to be. Your whole life you were searching for this, you were born for this. And now you were fulfilling your destiny.

Alpha lowered you back down on the pillows, clenching on your waist and was holding your pelvis on the same level with his crotch. He bent to you again to steal another kiss and you felt his dick at your enter.

“It’s Calum,” he whispered, detaching his lips from yours. You looked at him, puzzled, too deep into the bliss he was sending you to understand what he was talking about. He snorted and explained, “My name. It’s Calum.”

And with that he pulled your waist a little higher and entered you again.

Calum was going slower, taking his time and enjoying each motion. Your deep moan followed his each push. He dropped his head on your chest, his lips finding your nipple a second later, making you cry out at the sensation. His pace soon became too slow for you, but Calum was holding your waist so tight that there was no chance of moving. All you could do was dip your fingers into his dark hair and press it closer to your breasts. You started whining soon, the feeling too much for you, but he was just hiding his smile in your skin. Your walls started clenching around him again, his groan echoed in your insides. He couldn’t hold it much longer after that. His hips moved sloppier each time, his rhythm fastened. He looked up on you with question in his eyes, and you lost it. Him bending over you, that big bad alpha, and asking for your permission was so intoxicating, you couldn’t hold it any longer. A short nod was the last thing you managed to do before your world exploded and fell into glittery pieces around your shaking in pleasure body. And when you thought nothing could possibly top that, you felt your alpha cum inside you. The pleasure was too much, and with his guttural roar you let go of this world and let the darkness consume you.

***

“Alpha?”

That was the first word leaving you as you came back to this world. You shifted, finding out with the surprise you were lying on your front, your sheets covering you up to your waist. You opened your eyes lazily. Calum was lying on his side next to you, watching you with such softness in his eyes, you felt an urge to die for him right that moment. Thankfully, there was no need.

“Told you, you’d call me that,” he mocked, stroking your hair.

You closed your eyes again, smiling at his remark. You weren’t ready to leave your heaven yet, so you just inhaled deep, basking in the feeling of his tender touch. His hand slipped further, his fingertips caressing the skin of your back. He found deep bite marks under your right shoulder blade.

“Where are these from?” he asked you, his voice half whisper.

You frowned. The memory of that awful night popping up in your mind at the first call.

“Long story,” you said. You definitely didn’t want to speak about that now, not when you felt like that.

You turned on your side and moved closer to him, hiding your face on his chest and clasping your arms around his torso. His arms nestled around your much smaller frame, snuggling you even closer. He smelled of home. Not the one you left so many moons before, but the one you were supposed to find one day, the one that was waiting for you since you came to this life. And he also smelled of something you never even dreamed to find. He smelled of happiness.

“You know what’s going on with you, right?” he asked an eternity later.

You frowned, knowing full well where he was going with this talk.

“You’re an omega,” he said when you didn’t answer anything. “You’ve been in a heat at least once before, so…”

“I’ve been in a heat just once,” you answered bitterly. You looked up at him, his eyes still as soft as they were. Yours were spiky, you were wounded by his remark.

“Well, I’m flattered,” he said and kissed your forehead. “I didn’t mean it that way, love, trust me. I just-,” he paused in search for the better words. “You must know what’s going on.”

Of course you knew. You were scared of it since you ascended. You lived your life threatened by the idea of this day coming. You closed your eyes and shook your head.

“Don’t say it,” you pleaded in a dreadful whisper.

“Whether I say it or not, it won’t change it,” he answered with a sigh. “You can’t run from it. You’ve tried already.”

“Not sure about that, I’m pretty fast.”

He let out a short laugh. “Yeah, I’ve seen.”

You looked at him again, now only sadness in your eyes. “You don’t know what you’re asking me about. I’m the worst candidate ever to be an alpha’s mate.”

You got out of his embrace, stood up from the bed and went out on a small balcony your flat had, throwing a satin gown over your naked body. You weren’t trying to escape him, you just really didn’t want to argue with him. And you would argue, you felt it. He was obviously just as stubborn as you were, he wouldn’t let it go.

You heard the door open behind you and felt the anger rise inside you. Couldn’t he let you breathe for a moment at least? Did he understand you weren’t in the mood to discuss it? You sighed quietly, your mind rushing in search for the better words for all the arguments why you shouldn’t have been his mate, why you shouldn’t have been anyone’s mate for that matter, why you shouldn’t have been an omega in the first place. He wanted an argument, he would get one, you decided, lining up your reasonings.

What you haven’t expected was him coming up to you silently and kissing on your neck. You leaned back on his shoulder a little, moaning at the sweetest feeling. His hands were all over your body, palming and gripping and stroking on your curves. His left hand slithered under your robe and clutched on your right breast, you whimpered on the feeling. His lips were still assaulting your neck. You relished in the sensations, your body completely under his control. You felt his right hand caressing your hip under the soft material, his slightly calloused fingers so tender on your skin. Your slit clenched in pure anticipation, juices slowly leaking out of you.

“Widen your legs,” he whispered as his hand slid lower.

You obeyed, aching for his touch again. You knew it was the heat messing with your head and reactions, but you couldn’t deny how much power he had over your body. Calum hissed through his teeth as his fingers touched your wet folds.

“Look how you’re dripping for me,” he mused in your ear, his fingers stroking through your folds, lightly touching your clit. “Can’t have enough of it, can you?”

You exhaled loudly, your eyes shut and your hands gripping on the balcony railings. “No, alpha, need more,” you confessed, him squeezing on your breast harder at your words. “Please, give me more.”

He chuckled, as his finger stopped at your clit. You felt him pressing on a sensitive nub a little and then he went faster, rubbing it in circles. His lips went back on your neck, leaving a hickey after hickey. Your legs started to shake from this simple stimulation, the pleasure building up inside with the highest speed. You felt Calum’s greedy smile on your skin. The next moment you forgot how to breathe as he pushed a finger inside you. He curled it up, massaging on your trembling walls, and you cried out.

“Keep quiet, love,” he whispered into your neck. “Don’t wanna attract your neighbours.”

You didn’t give a fuck about your neighbours, but bit on your lower lip nonetheless, not ready to disobey. Not when he was pushing the second finger inside you. Calum wasn’t rushing it, his fingers going in a steady rhythm, each movement carefully planned. His every motion was putting you higher. Soon you were grinding on his hand yourself, trying to get his fingers deeper. He chuckled at your action.

“Aren’t you a greedy girl?” he mused with a grin.

“I need you deeper,” you sobbed. “Please, Calum, I really need you.”

You didn’t know what it was exactly. Your pleading or the fact that you called him by his name for the first time. But something really got him, as his grip on your breast tightened  even more and he let out a low roar. He pulled his fingers out of your pussy and turned you to the balcony door.

“On the bed, now,” he commanded shortly, giving your ass a light slap.

You didn’t hesitate for a moment. He followed you suit, freeing himself of the sheet he’d wrapped around his hips before following you to the balcony. You sat on the edge of the bed and leaned on your arms to move beck, but Calum shook his head, motioning you to stay where you were.

“Lay down,” he said. You did as you were told, feeling uncomfortable with your feet not actually touching the floor. But he picked up your legs as soon as he reached you and lifted them on his shoulders. You smiled, getting where he was going with it. Calum stroke your legs slowly with his hands, kissed on your shin. “You’ve got gorgeous legs, have I told you?”

“Not yet,” you smiled. You untied your gown belt and let the material slip on the sides, opening your body for his sight.

“You’re such a tease,” Calum smirked, his hand caressing your belly.

“Look who’s speaking,” you answered, covering his hand with yours and pushing it lower, to your aching core. “I still need you deep inside me,” you whispered, looking him right in the eye.

“Too much sass for a little omega,” he chuckled and slipped his dick into you.

You opened your mouth involuntary, the sweetest whimper leaving you, eyes still fixed on his now light-brown orbs. He pulled back and pushed inside you again, this time pushing his cock almost on the full. You choke on your breath, sure he was gonna break you in two and oh so ready for this. Calum grinned at your reaction and started pumping you, his movements harsh and fast. You gripped on your breasts, squeezing your niples and adding some pain to the pleassure. He leaned a little forward, his hands fall to the bed on both sides of you. The new angle set you on fire. His dick was so deep in you, right where you needed it, right where you were burning for him. You closed your eyes, no longer able to maintain eye contact, seeing bright flashes at his every push. You were whimpering loud, forgetting everything in the world, caring only for his dick inside and the low groans he was letting slip from his plump lips. You didn’t know how long you were going like this, the concept of time completely alien for you now, but soon your legs started slipping over his shoulders, covered in sweat. You clenched on his bitsepts, your nails going deep in his flesh and making him hiss through his greeted teeth. You opened your eyes and saw on his face he was close, a fold between his eyebrows showing he was holding out and soon would let go. You couldn’t fight your smile, your chest full of pure happiness just at the realisation of how good you were for your alpha.

“I still can…” he didn’t finish his question, roaring on your pussy clenching around him. “Right?”

“Cum into me, alpha,” you half-begged, half-ordered, stroking his shoulders, “give it all to me.”

He leaned a little more on you and, pushing his dick all the way down you, started to cum. You saw the pleasure on his face, heard his satisfied moans and these set you off, the pleasure bursting out in your abdomen and covering all around in light flashes and complete silence.

Calum let your legs slip from his shoulders and fell on top of you. You hugged him with your arms and legs and let him catch your breath. His big body was crashing you, but it was the sweetest feeling in the world, to have him like that in your arms, panting and gaining his strength back after the pleasure you gave him. You let yourself to dissolve in contentment, letting go of your consciousness. The last thing you remembered from that day, was him whispering you “Sleep, my sweet omega,” as his strong arms were laying you on the pillows.

***

He looked much younger in his sleep. You put your palm under your cheek and kept examining his face. The frown between his eyebrows disappeared, his plump lips weren’t pressed together and looked even bigger and softer. His jaw wasn’t so vivid as he had no reason to clench his teeth in the sleep. He was so relaxed.

You thought how much you didn’t know about him and how much you wanted to learn. Sad thoughts occupied your mind again. Whatever you wanted, there was no chance for the two of you. So the less you knew, the better.

Sweet little moan escaped him, as he rolled on his back and shifted his arms over his head. You looked down his body, getting fast what was bothering him, the prominent bulge showing from under your bed sheets. Well, that you could definitely help him with.

You carefully moved the sheet from him not to wake him up and slid down on the bed, awkwardly trying to fit between his legs. His dick was all the way up and leaking precum already on his toned belly. Must be painful, you though.

You threw one more careful look at him, making sure he was sleeping, and took his dick in your hand. You pumped him couple times, enjoying his length and curving veins. He was so damn beautiful at every part. You sighed and put his head in your mouth, wishing for him to wake up from that and not your hand. You started from sucking just on the head, your tongue occasionally sliding lower. When you heard another moan leaving him, you pushed your head down as far as you could, and hollowed your cheeks on the way back. Your hand was on the base of his dick, massaging on the parts you couldn’t fit inside. You kept bobbing your head, swirling your tongue around the head, when you heard him moaning your name. He lifted his head up and slid his fingers in your hair.

“Shit, baby, yes,” he muttered, his voice sharp and low from the sleep.

You concentrated on the head again, sucking and kissing on it, and looked up at Calum. His eyes were half-open, lust and pleasure in his sight. You smiled at him and licked with your flat tongue all the way down and up again. His hand in your hair twitched a little as you pushed him down your mouth again. You let your tongue lick and swirl all the way, as you relaxed your throat and pushed his dick further. His other hand flew to your hair as he breathed out, “Jesus fucking Christ.”

You gave him two seconds and lifted your head back up to take some air and repeat it all again. He was panting in no time, tugging on your hair and dropping curse words at your every motion. You felt his dick twitching at the base and went back to bobbing your head and simply sucking, as he was close, his hands helping you keep the rhythm.

“Love, I’m gonna cum,” he whispered, letting you know you could stop, if you wanted to. But you didn’t. You lifted your head again and gave his head one last sucking kiss, which was the end of him.

You were slowly kissing on his lower abdomen, as he was coming back from his high. When you heard his breathing coming back to normal, you sat up and innocently smiled to him.

“Good morning, alpha,” you said.

He sat up in one sharp move and pressed you to his chest, kissing you hungrily. You clenched on his shoulders, surprised and flattered by his reaction.

“You’re a devil,” he whispered, letting go of your lips.

You smiled again. “What do you want for breakfast?” you asked, leaving feather like kisses on his cheeks.

“You,” he stated simply. His hands were stroking your neck, examining bruises he left last night.

“No, Calum, you need food,” you argued softly, trying to unclench his arms.

He sighed, letting go of you. “Whatever you wish, then.”

You left him in the bed, the same gown from last night thrown over you. Your kitchen was little, but had everything you needed. You examined the content of your fridge and decided to go with something easy. Quarter of an hour later he came out of your bedroom to the delicious smells of ham and omelette with veggies and freshly brewed coffee. You put a plate on a kitchen counter in front of him, not missing on how mouth-watering did he look in only his navy boxers.

“Where’s your breakfast?” he asked, sitting down and picking up a fork.

“Oh, I’ve had mine already,” you stated with a chuckle and winked at him.

You poured yourself some coffee and leaned on the counter opposite to him. He shook his head and beckoned you to his side. You easily gave in and sat on the chair next to him. Calum smiled to you and put the plate between both of you. He took a mouthful of omelette and handed you his fork. “Eat.”

“I’m really not hungry,” you smiled, drinking your coffee. His next look made you choke on your drink. You obediently took a fork and picked a little piece of ham with the red pepper. “You have a right for the first bite,” you reminded him.

“I also have the right to decide what to do with my first bite.” He took the fork back, snapped another piece of omelette and lifted it to your mouth. His eyes were serious enough for you not to argue this time. Seeing you chew, he also kept eating. When you two finished, you felt a snatch of guilt.

“Should have cooked more,” you said, clearing the counter.

“Oh, I’ve had enough,” Calum hastened to reassure you. Then he grabbed your wrist and pulled you closer to him, devilish smile on his face. “Now I want my dessert.”

He easily picked you up and sat on the counter, where minutes ago stood the plate and your cups. He pushed your legs apart, his lips on your lips already. You didn’t waste any time shoving your hand in his boxers and palming his already hard dick. Was he always so fast up or was it your heat messing with his reactions too? Whatever the answer was, next moment you forgot even about the question, as he threw your gown open and his lips started their way down to Calum’s dessert.

***

You two were lounging on the bed. It was late in the evening, you were naked and clenching on each other.

Calum spent the whole day in your apartment. After heated sex on the kitchen counter and rather passionate shower together, you settled on the couch in front of the tv. No one cared about what was showing, too busy with your make out sessions and slow loving on each other. When things got heated again, you moved back to the bedroom. And now, one round later, you were just lying on his chest listening to his heartbeat and trying to breathe in unison.

“Tell me something,” he asked softly.

You looked up at him, frowning a little. “What do you want me to tell?”

“Anything. Tell me about your family. Or where did you get those scars,” his hand hovered over your shoulder blades, his fingers caressed your bite marks. “Or why do you say you’re worst omega ever,” he sighed at that. “I just wanna know.”

You moved up from him, rolled on your front and pushed a pillow under you, clasping on it with your arms. You settled and looked him in the eye. “I thought, you knew everything about me,” you mocked him, remembering what he said to you at your meeting in the bar.

He also moved to lie on his stomach, making sure his face was the same level with yours. He didn’t answer anything to your mocking, just looked back at you, his eyes soft, but demanding. You inhaled deeply, lowered your sight to his shoulder and tried to imagine, what could you start that story with.

“My father was, and I assume, still is the alpha of the biggest pack of the north of the country,” you said, feeling his mood shift with his surprise. You knew he got what pack you were talking about. You knew he didn’t expect that.

“The Lakes pack?” he decided to check his guess.

You hummed in agreement. The Lakes… You hadn’t seen them in almost ten years and there wasn’t a day you weren’t missing them.

Calum whistled at your confirmation. “So you’re saying you’re a wolf royalty?”

You rolled your eyes. Little did he knew about real life in your family. You swallowed and went with your story. “Our bloodline were alphas of that pack for decades, if not centuries. And we only ever had boys. I was the first girl to be born in our family for as long as people could remember. Although, when I was born, my father already had a son, so no matter how surprising was the fact that I happened to be a girl, it didn’t actually change anything. Dad had his male heir, pack could be sure in the safe future. I think we were the only pack which survived for so long with the inherited alpha position, it’s so unnatural for our kind. But, we’re also the creatures of habit and tradition. And that was our tradition, so,” you broke for a moment. “I guess, it was really lucky all generations of my family were producing alphas. The younger sons always stayed as pure bloods to protect the family. None of the wolves from my bloodline has ever left the pack. I was the first.”

“How did it happen?” Calum asked quietly when you didn’t continue after some time.

You sighed again. You succeeded in keeping those memories buried deep down your soul for so long, that digging them up now was really painful.

“As I said, we only ever produced alphas. So, when I was born, my father was pretty certain I’d become a pure blood, the right hand to my brother, who, when time comes, will replace my father. I don’t remember my mom at all. I’ve seen her only in photos. She died when I was about three.”

“Do you know what happened to her?”

You felt a lonely tear stream down your cheek, as you shook your head. “My dad never spoke to me about her. Not once. It was a taboo topic in the pack. There was a moment in my early teen years, when I got really curious and started asking questions. But I learned pretty fast, that wasn’t a winning strategy.”

“I’m sorry you never knew her,” Calum said softly, his hand slid back on your body, just to remind you were not alone now.

“Yeah, well, at least she didn’t have to live with my dad, so, I guess, she was lucky anyway,” you shrugged. “I was brought up the way all the boys in the family were. My whole childhood was filled with trainings and fights. If I wasn’t at school, I was probably learning to hunt, or fighting with other future pure bloods, or doing any other shit me father believed I  had to learn to do in order to protect the name of the family. That was the most important, the name of the family, never the family itself,” you inhaled, taking a pause before continuing. “I never questioned what my father was doing to me. When I was little, it was just the fun game. I mean, I had to explore woods and hills with our best hunters instead of learning maths. What kid wouldn’t prefer that? But later things got weird. My brother… you see, he never really was serious about things. He was petty and reckless and arrogant. Too arrogant even for the alpha,” you smirked at that. “No offence though.”

“None taken,” Calum assured you. His hand was gently stroking your waist.

“He’s two years older than me, I think, I didn’t mention,” you huffed. “So, cutting it short, by the time he ascended and, of course, happened to be an alpha,everyone understood he would never be a good leader to the pack. I was fifteen, when it happened. And since then my trainings only intensified. Even more, my father started taking me to meetings and his talks to elder wolves. I wasn’t getting what was going on until I heard one talk between my father and his closest pure blood. They were talking about how the pack needed a better alpha,” you closed your eyes, reminiscing on one of the scariest moments of your life. “They wanted me to kill my brother, Calum. My father wanted me to kill his older son and took his place as soon as I ascend. He even said, I would have had no trouble doing it with how useless my brother was.”

You felt Calum’s hand go harder on your back, trying to reassure you, to calm you down. He didn’t hear the best parts yet, though.

“It was a month before my eighteenth birthday. I cried in pure shock the whole night after that. I think, emotions set the process. I ascended the next morning, during the breakfast. It was only me and my father in the dining room that day. Have no idea, where my brother was. Dad understood everything from the beginning. He sent me up to my bedroom, to go crazy alone, as I thought at the start. I had no idea what was happening, hands were shaking, temperature rising, I was seeing red. Well, you’re an alpha, you know what’s an omega ascending like. It hits you with your first ever heat like a truck with no warning. Half an hour later one of young pure bloods knocked on my bedroom door. He was one of the wolves I was training all my life with. He was a fellow friend. But at that moment I saw only a mature enough wolf in him. As I understood later, my father brought him to help me go through the heat. We didn’t leave my room for three days before it finished. It was pure madness, and what made everything worse for me, I never learned a single thing about the heat before. My father couldn’t even think there was a chance for me to end up an omega. I knew the theory, but no one ever instructed me on what to do. And also, I forgot to say, that was actually my first sex ever,” your alpha hissed at that, but you decided to ignore his reactions, at least for now. “The short times we weren’t fucking, I was so unresponsive out of pure shock, you could think I was in a kind of trance. Matt, that wolf, he couldn’t look at me after that,” you swallowed your tears. “You know who could actually look at me? My father. The first evening he saw me after ascending, he looked at me like I betrayed him, like it was all my doing. He looked at me, said he’d never thought he’d be disgraced to have a whore as a daughter, and left the house.”

Calum moved closer to you, his lips attached to your shoulder. “I’m sorry, love, I’m so so sorry.”

“Oh, wait till you hear the best part,” you let out a humourless laugh. “That night I decided to leave the pack. We were wealthy, I had some money, a car, no idea what to do and where to go, but, like, that wasn’t stopping me. So I packed what I thought was the most important and left the house after everyone went to sleep. Well, i thought, they went to sleep. My brother waited for me in front of the house. I have no idea, how exactly, but he found out my father’s now broken plans about his two children and, of course, he decided to kill me first. Even though I was no threat to him anymore. The scars you see, it was him. I refused to fight him, was crying and begging him not to, but he shifted into a wolf. My dad went out of house to the noise. He looked at us, I was lying on the ground, crying and wounded, my own brother in his wolf shape biting on my back. I was covered in my own blood. I thought he would do something, thought he wouldn’t let his only children rip each other’s throats. But he just looked at us and went back into the house, like saying, he didn’t care what would happen to any of us.

“I got so angry. I’ve never been that angry in my entire life. So I shifted. I think, my brother was surprised. He though, after I ascended I somehow gained the obedience of a typical omega and would never attack an alpha. But, as you already know, that’s not what happened. I fought him back and knocked him out, which wasn’t so difficult. I was fighting him since we were little kids, I knew all his tricks and flaws. I made sure he wasn’t in a state to follow me, shifted back, got in a car and never went back.”

You kept feeling Calum’s lips on your shoulder, his kisses soft and loving. He lifted his body up to linger over you, his lips moving to your other shoulder. You felt your heartbeat, risen at the unpleasant memories, starting to calm down. You closed your eyes, shoving the pictures of your past back where you kept them for so long, trying to relax, drinking in your alpha’s scent, letting yourself forget there were any other wolves or men besides the two of you in the world.

His kisses went lower, drawing heated patterns on your back, covering each part of your skin. When he finished with your back, he kept kissing your ass and then legs. He went all the way down, caressing your one leg with his hands, while kissing on the other. He then moved you on your back and went back all the way up the front of your legs. He went around your core, not bothering it. He wasn’t trying to turn you on with those kisses, his only agenda was loving on you, showering you in his warmth and care. Your fingers slipped in his hair, you were smiling at him.

“These are actually nice,” you whispered, tugging on his dark curls genly.

“Anything for you, love,” he whispered back, kissing on your belly.

By the time he finally reached your lips, you were panting hard from the desire. You couldn’t control your feelings to him, nor physical, neither emotional. You were so enamoured by him, his actions, his reactions to you. You enfolded your arms and legs around his torso, pressing him more into you, like you were trying to merge your two bodies into one. This kiss wasn’t rushed or rough, but somehow it was the most passionate one you’d had so far. You weren’t satisfying your animalistic need for him, he wasn’t claiming his right for you. This moment you were just loving each other.

He didn’t need much time to slip into you again, you sobbed at the feeling, too sensitive after all the sex you’d had before. He noticed that along with your wince.

“I can…” he started, moving from you, “we don’t need to.”

You only tightened your grip around him. “No, Calum, need you.”

And he obeyed. One word from you and your big bad alpha was at your command. You said you needed him, he let you have him. He gave you some time to adjust, his head buried in the crook of your neck, his heavy breathing blazing on your skin. And then he started moving. He raised his head up, his eyes glued to your eyes. His pushes were slow, going full length deep. You were whimpering in synch, not letting your eyes close. You needed him to see you that moment, all of you down to your deepest secrets. You needed to see what he was doing to you, what he meant to you this moment. His eyes were glowing yellow, reflecting your bright blue ones. He wasn’t having sex to your body this time, he was making love to your soul. You felt your eyes filling with tears again and broke the contact, only to feel him kissing on your cheeks, collecting your tears with his lips, not letting you spill any of them. You felt your high build up soon, the wall of it towering over you as his movements got sloppier. You started to clasp your legs around his torso on the feeling, hardly able to stay in consciousness any longer.

“Look at me,” he asked you and you opened your eyes.

That was the last drop for you both. You managed to deal with the crashing feelings inside, but seeing them reflecting in each other’s eyes set you both over the top. You cum around him, crying his name out, feeling him loading you with his own cum, the sounds he was making this moment the most beautiful you’d ever heard in your life.

***

You were standing in your kitchen, nursing the cup of black coffee. You were waiting for Calum to wake up and dreading that moment. Your heart was heavy with what you had to do, but your will was never as strong.

You heard his phone vibrate on your night table. He shifted, disturbed by the sound, but to the time Calum finally sat up in bed, whoever was calling him, stopped. You heard Calum stretch his shoulders and pick up the phone. Not ten seconds later you heard his voice.

“Yeah, Ash, what?” he made a pause after that, probably listening to the explanations that Ash, whoever that was, was giving him. “Can’t you deal with it yourself? Told you I’m off limits this weekend,” he huffed in dismay. You knew the face he had right now and shook your head. How come you learned all that about him in just a day and a half. “Well, that’s important too.” He paused again. You felt your stupid heart pick up it’s pace at realisation that Calum was postponing some of his business to be with you while you were in heat. “Shit,” he hissed. “Alright, alright, I got it. I’ll be in… shit, honestly, no idea how fast. But I’ll come, okay?.. Yeah, see you there.”

You took it he hung up. You listened to him stand up and collect his clothes from the floor, where it was lying since Friday afternoon. He appeared couple minutes later, his eyes scanning the living room in search for you. You cleared your throat and he turned to you. You saw that again, the same softness and adoration in his look you saw last night. But all this drowned really fast at his realisation. You liked it, how fast he picked up on your mood and on what you were thinking. Whatever it was, heat or not, the understanding you two had was incredible.

“I need to go deal with some stuff,” he stated simply.

“Yeah, I’ve heard,” you admitted, trying to look anywhere but him.

“I was about to say I’ll be back as fast as I can, but I take it…”

“Yeah, no need to worry about it anymore,” you interrupted him. “The heat is over.”

You swallowed, feeling his eyes scanning your face.

“Thank you for everything, but, I guess, now you can fully get back to your life.”

You heard him swallow. You could feel he was angry. You didn’t know how you felt it without even seeing his face, but you did.

“Look at me,” he asked.

“Calum, seriously, I think it would be better for the two of us…”

“Look at me!”

You couldn’t fight the direct order. His eyes were dark, almost black. Pain and fury splashing in them.

“It wasn’t about your heat,” he said. “Your heat was the symptom, not the reason.”

You shook your head, silently begging for him not to say it out loud. But he didn’t listen to you this time.

“We’re mates.”

“No, we aren’t! That was just stupid wolf physiology. We were acting on our instinct and only!” you exclaimed.

“Damn it, can you just stop fucking fight it?” he shouted back at you. “Last night wasn’t an instinct! We’re not an instinct!”

“There is no we, Calum,” you felt tears stream down your face.

“If there’s no we, then what are you crying about?” he asked in a surprisingly soft voice. You tried to look away, tried to close your eyes, at least for a moment. But you couldn’t free from his command. “What are you crying about, love?”

“I’m not your love,” you shrugged in disagreement, you eyes giving you away no matter what you were saying. “I’m not your love and never will be,” you repeated trying to convince yourself rather than him. “I’ll never be your mate, Calum, and there’s no happily ever after for us. I won’t obey you, I won’t follow you, I will never become an omega you need. I was raised to rule a pack, not kneel to one man. I wasn’t meant for that life, I just can’t. No matter how hard I’ll try, I will only make you unhappy. And I can’t,” you sobbed, “I can’t make you suffer with me, Calum.”

He sighed, looking at his feet and rubbing his chin.

“Just go, Calum,” you pleaded. “Just go, and forget me, please.”

“I can make you be mine,” he said, his voice careful, like he wasn’t completely sure in what he was saying.

You chuckled through your tears. You knew he would never do that. No to you and not to himself. “You can order me to stay by your side, but you can’t order us to be happy. Your command doesn’t work like that, alpha.”

He looked back at you, no anger in his eyes anymore. He looked betrayed and beaten. You felt your heart clench with pain. You hated yourself for what you were doing to him. But you couldn’t bear the thought of staying with him and making him regret it for the rest of his life.

He sighed again. “I’ll go now,” he finally said. “But I’ll be back as you’re ready for us.”

“Calum, I’m serious…”

“No,” he shook his head stubbornly. “You can try to fight it or run away from it, but you’ll get it. No matter how much time you’ll need, it’ll be my way. You will be mine.”

He put on his jacket and stepped to the door. Then he stopped and looked back like he forgot something. “One more thing, you’re prohibited to leave the town,” he ordered you and left your apartment.

You felt your tears break all the dams inside and flow out of you. You sank on the floor and curled up, clasping on your knees. You had no idea what you were going to do. You wished you rather die than doom him for the rest of his life with you. And you were ready to die without him.

You guessed, dying was the only option left for you.

***

Taglist: @myloverboyash, @bringmethehorizonandpizza, @calumamongmen, @5saucewho, @madformichael, @c-h-i-l, @woahitsannerieke, @rotten-kandy

Also tagging some mutuals and people who requested for the second part in comments (IF YOU DON’T WANNA BE TAGGED JUST LMK AND ALSO FEEL FREE TO IGNORE): @angelbabylu, @i-calumhood, @calpops, @singt0mecalum, @rip-lukes-balsamic, @gorgeouslygrace, @inspirationcal, @calumfmu, @megz1985, @ficrec5sos, @toohardto-forget, @lockthisheartinchains, @imaginirwin, @josie-elizabeth, @danique001, @itsmeempar

[callioope]

I’ve been vague about what has been going on in my life intentionally, both because I needed to tell some people offline first and because it’s a lot to process. 

But here is what happened: I am in the process of miscarrying.

I thought it might help to share my story. Miscarriage is more common than people realize and rarely talked about. If someone can benefit from my story, all the better, but mostly this is to help my grieving and coping process.

This is pretty detailed, so trigger warnings and all that.

Exactly one month ago, I read the results I had longed for: pregnant.

Today, I’m sprawled out on the couch in the most excruciating pain I’ve ever experienced. 

They don’t tell you that miscarriage is a process.

We’ve been trying to conceive since the end of last June. It was taking so long, I was convinced I’d be scheduling a fertility consultation this coming June. They tell you if you’re under 35, to give it a year. Before we started trying to conceive, I’d tell anyone about how time speeds up the older you get. It makes sense logically, of course, when a year is 1/5 of your life, it sure seems long, but went its 1/32, well... 

But this has been the longest eleven months of my life. The first month we started trying, I had an unusually long cycle. 39 days. I was so sure I was pregnant. My breasts had been hurting for two weeks. Husband and I were vacationing in Minnesota to see Aston Villa play. I bought a pregnancy test, beaming, excited, and was puzzled by the negative result. A week later, when my period came, I cried to my mother, and she said something about the universe saying I wasn’t ready or something. Whatever it was sounded bleak and ominous to my ears. It sounded like it meant I’d never be ready. 

The fall was busy and stressful, and despite all the tedious ovulation test strips, nothing happened except somehow, my period got lighter month by month. I was pretty sure something was wrong with me. I thought I had a UTI. (I was actually stressed and dehydrated, which I eventually remedied.) While I cried at a Sara Bareilles concert in November, my mother told me that her OBGYN said it can take as much at 9 months for the body to recalibrate after being on the pill.

Speaking of which. I’ve been taking the pill for over a decade. For the most part, I took it correctly. There is some leeway to taking it incorrectly, for the record. You can miss two pills in a row and it still has instructions for what to do (while cautioning to be safe and use extra protection). Maybe only once did I ever have to throw out a pack for missing too many in a row. 

(This is maybe neither here nor there, but rebelcaptain accidental pregnancy fics have become a bit of a pet peeve for me. Jyn and Cassian are far too careful and intentional to let that happen, and it is so easy to be responsible since there are so many birth control alternatives these days that don’t even require reliance on routine or memory.)

So, of course, the concern lately is that clearly 10+  years on birth control has messed me up. I do not know this objectively (what I do know is that I have OCD and anxiety and obsess over Everything That Can Go Wrong), but the point is that birth control really can have consequences that I don’t think are necessarily fully understood or studied. DO NOT GET ME WRONG, USE BIRTH CONTROL. My only regret is what I didn’t know.

I learned too late, but a lot of conception advice articles tell you to quit the BC as soon as possible. Even if my mom’s OBGYN is wrong, the general advice does seem to be that it can take up to 3 months for your body to recalibrate. So, if by any chance someone reading this is thinking about conceiving soon, if you take nothing else away from this rant, take this. I wish I had stopped taking the pill a few months before we actually intended to start trying.

After ten months of all this worrying, I finally got what I’d longed for. The moment I saw that positive result, it felt so surreal. There had been little things leading up to that moment, strange hints and signs, like I knew subconsciously even before a test would have been positive. I wrote that Howl’s Moving Castle pregnancy fic before I knew. I started learning “Here Comes the Sun” on my ukulele before I knew (it’s... silly, but I decided I wanted to learn the ukulele because I wanted to be able to play that song for my kids some day). It involves finger picking, so I’d been putting off learning it, but one day I just decided it was time. And finally, I decided to watch the latest season of Brooklyn 99. I’d avoided it because I knew Amy & Jake were also trying to conceive, and it was too emotional for me to watch that when I was so frustrated for how long I was taking. (Of course I didn’t realize they also had trouble, and watching it actually felt cathartic for me.) I got that positive result literally the next morning. 

I spent Monday, April 20, making checklists and spreadsheets. I set my first prenatal appointment for May 8. Those two and a half weeks were the slowest of my life. They stretched out like a rubber band. I couldn’t really focus on anything except this pregnancy I’d waited so long for. That’s probably why time moved so slowly. I wasn’t filling it with the hobbies I enjoyed, writing and playing my ukulele. All my overwhelmed brain could handle was the hilarious distraction of Community. Yeah, this is also around the time I disappeared from fandom. It was originally for a happy reason, I was just too excited to focus!

I know many women who have miscarried. The data seems to vary from source to source, but anywhere between 10% to 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. I couldn’t wait to get to the doctor to confirm everything was okay. I wondered if they would do an ultrasound; I dreamed of seeing a fetus on that screen.

We started talking about how we were going to tell our family. We wrote a pretend promotion letter for my sister, promoting her from “sister” to “aunt” (she’s a badass at her job and we had recently been talking about her promotions so it was thematically relevant). We planned to do a video call with my parents where we played Quiplash and created custom answers related to the pregnancy. 

But we never got that chance. On May 8, I went in for my first appointment. I’d spent the last three days sewing a mask because the ones we ordered still haven’t arrived yet. So all the time I would have spent preparing myself for the worst (as is my way) was spent instead distracted by sewing and finishing up Community. 

They took me to an office first and went over medical history questions. “Any morning sickness?” the nurse asked. “Not at all,” I said. “Should I be worried?” “No,” she answered. “Consider yourself lucky!” 

(For the record, many women who carry to term do not ever get morning sickness.)

(It was just one of those unfortunate exchanges.)

Then the exam with the doctor. All in all, it’d probably been 30 or 40 minutes by this point, all of this excited talk. I was going to tell my parents on Mother’s Day. My due date was Christmas.

I video call my husband just in time for the ultrasound. 

There was no embryo. 

The doctor said a lot of women are ovulating later in their cycles due to the stress of the pandemic. At the time, I thought maybe. Hope is funny like that, in the face of logic. It started to grow like a weed in the cracks of my breaking heart. 

But the thing is, even with that stubborn hopeweed, I knew. I’d been doing this for ten months. I knew when my last period was, I knew when I ovulated. I was 7 weeks and 1 day, and there was no embryo, and that was it.

The beginning of the process of miscarriage. 

Technically, it’d started a few days before that appointment, but I was distracted at that time. I’d noticed one morning that there seemed to be more hair in the shower floor than there should be. 

Dots started to connect. My breasts had stopped aching. Now, they started to shrink back to their original size. 

This happened over several days. I felt certain I would miscarry on Mother’s Day; fortunately, that did not happen. No, enough days had to pass for that hopeweed to prosper. Only then, when it whispered maybe would I start spotting and cramping. 

On Tuesday, the second ultrasound confirmed what I already knew. Not viable. Missed miscarriage. Technically, the prescription the doctor hands me reads “missed abortion.” “It’s just the technical term,” the doctor explains, acknowledging that many women might find this triggering. 

I don’t cry as much as I did. I only cry when I tell people. It seems important for people to know, just in case. Just one person in the relevant circles of my life. I had to tell my boss to explain the sudden uptick in unexpected doctor appointments. (I’m Rh negative, so I needed to go to the hospital to get bloodwork and a Rhogam shot -- and being in a hospital these days in anxiety-inducing enough without this trauma.)

It still feels surreal. All of this happened in one month. Somehow my life has changed completely and then reverted back. This is just a blip in my life, relatively, and yet it seems the longest month of my life.

In movies, in stories, miscarriage seems to go the same way: a flash of bloody sheets, a shout of shock and pain, and then grief. I never knew how it really goes: that it would stretch out for weeks, from the moment I saw that first ultrasound to now, twelve days later, just starting to bleed. I’ll have to go back for another ultrasound to confirm it’s done, and if it’s not, then I’ll need surgery. 

This speaks nothing of the grief. 

And then it’s back to square one, a whole year later: ovulation tests and endless waiting. 

It’s been a whole month; it’s been only a month, and miscarriage is a process. 

[bright-molina]

a/n I did it y’all, I finished a fic for the first time in a billion years! Sidenote, I wrote this literally waaaay back when season 2 first came out so it’s outdated, yeah, but hey a fic is a fic right? Also: that middle gif isn’t mine, just wanna put that out there. Also, also: lowkey if y’all want more steve fics hmu

*

Your eyes were narrowed at the screen of the TV. You had no idea what was going on in whatever show happened to be playing but if looks could kill then those actors would be dead ten times over. It was date night and Steve had bailed on you for the third week in a row. To make matters worse it was your anniversary and he was now avoiding you. Usually, you had Nancy to talk to about it but even she had disappeared without a word two days ago. It took you longer than you cared to admit to connect the dots but you finally had. There was something going on and you were determined to find out exactly what that was. 

You picked up the phone with a new purpose and started dialing numbers. There was no answer at Steve’s house which you had expected and so you tried Nancy one last time. Mrs. Wheeler gave you the same response she had given you the night before, one which you were now sure was a lie. You dialed a few more numbers but none of them led you anywhere. It was then that you got the idea to try Jonathan’s. If your best friend was anywhere it would be with him. After a few rings, somebody finally picked up the phone. It just wasn’t who you were expecting it to be. 

“Hello?” 

“Mike?” You weren’t too surprised to find Mike on the phone. You had, afterall, lived right next door to the Wheeler’s your entire life. You had honestly spent a fair amount of time with the party and you knew how close Mike was to Will Byers in particular. 

“Y/N?”

“Shit!” 

“Was that Steve?” You sat up in your seat and were surprised to find out that the Byer’s house is where your boyfriend was hiding. You could hear Steve telling Mike to tell you that he wasn’t there. You couldn’t help but sigh and roll your eyes at his desperate attempt to throw you off.

“Uh, n-no. He’s not here.”

“Don’t lie to me, Mike. I can literally hear him talking.” You could hear the sound of muffled shouting on the other end of the line. Their voices became clear and Steve answered the phone himself this time. 

“Hey, babe”

“Steve Harrington!” You immediately scolded, practically being able to see the way he was most likely wincing on the other end. “You bailed on me again!” 

“I know, I know. I’m sorry—“

“Sorry isn’t going to help when I kick your ass!” You shouted. You were mostly angry at him but also a little hurt. For as long as you could remember, the two of you told each other everything. And now, just as you thought you and Steve were at your best so far, he started hiding things from you. More than anything you wanted answers. “You better have a good explanation for ditching me because I swear to god, Steve, I told you last time that —” 

“Monster hunting!” He quickly responded, yelling a little bit in the process. He knew he couldn’t lie to you any longer. If he hadn’t told you than he was sure you would get it out of one of the boys, all of whom adored you. 

You wished you could say that Steve’s claim of ‘monster hunting’ surprised you but it really didn’t. The year before you had fought off a demogorgon alongside him, Nancy and Jonathan. When Will had gone missing you refused to sit still. And when there turned out to be a monster from another dimension you didn’t hesitate to help your friends get rid of it. Needless to say, it was quite the bonding experience and you and Steve had gotten to know each other a lot better since then. 

“Look,” Steve’s voice lowered and you could tell he was worried. Your anger dissipated almost completely upon finding out all his sneaking around came from needing to know you were safe. “Just promise me you’ll stay home, okay? I’ll explain later, promise.”

“No need,” You couldn’t sit back, a fact which Steve knew very well. Not another moment passed before you were standing up from the couch and looking for your things. “I’ll be there in ten.”

*

“Great, you see what you little shit’s did? Now Y/N is going to show up and she’s pissed at me which is never a good thing” Steve sighed as he ran his hands through his hair, not that it budged at all. He had spent a few minutes debating what exactly he was going to tell you when you got there. Finally he had come to the conclusion that he would just wing it, maybe he’d get lucky and you’d let it go because of unexpected circumstances. 

“Dude, you’re the one who bailed on her again,” Mike shook his head. He could recall the many times before when he overheard you telling Nancy everything that had happened. And then the following day’s conversation when you would tell her how he had made it up to you. Usually involving details he wished he could unhear. “That’s not cool.” 

“And on your anniversary?” Dustin was the next one to criticise him. “You know, you’re not really coming off as the best boyfriend at the moment. No offense.” 

“You guys are supposed to be on my side,” Steve mumbled as he rolled his eyes at their comments. He had to admit though, they weren’t totally wrong. It wasn’t that he didn’t care about you, of course he did, more than anything. Which was why he had opted in keeping you out of the loop this time around. 

“Wait, wasn’t Y/N the one who killed the demogorgon last year?” Lucas questioned. They could all recall your telling of the events perfectly and if there was anyone they believed, well it was you. “So wouldn’t it have made sense that she help us out?” 

There was a chorus of agreements from the rest of the party while Steve rolled his eyes at them. “Technically we all killed it a little. As you know, my girlfriend is a badass and she just so happened to be the one to deliver the killing blow that got it stuck in the trap. But we all got some hits in, okay?” 

“So basically she killed it” Max put it simply and the boys unanimously agreed while Steve tried to argue his point. A laugh rang through the room over their debating. 

“You bet your ass I killed that thing.” 

When they turned they found you standing in the doorway while leaning on your own nail covered bat. Steve watched as you greeted each of the boys and introduced yourself to Max. He couldn’t help but smile at the sight of you listening to them recounting everything that had happened the past couple of days. It wasn’t until you turned to look at him with a glare that his smile fell. 

“We have to talk don’t we?” He asked even though he knew the answer perfectly well. 

“Kitchen” Was all you replied with before walking past him without another glance. 

*

“It’s all Dustin’s fault!” Steve immediately told you. Both of you pretended not to hear the ‘no it wasn’t!’ from the other room. “I was on my way to see you but you weren’t home and he ambushed me. They all did. It was the kids fault! And then there was a junkyard and these lizard things and shit and,” He sighed heavily and it was then that you noticed just how tired he was. “It’s been a long day.” 

“And you were planning on fighting those things alone?” You asked, not surprised at all by the fact. 

“Not exactly,” He knew when he saw the look on your face that he had to elaborate. “Mrs. Byers is with the kid in the room and Jonathan, Nancy, and Hopper are clearing out the shed. We have a plan.” 

“Why did nobody think to tell me what was going on!” You sighed in exasperation as you propped yourself up on the table. A shot of fear ran through you as you realized that until now it had been just Steve and the kids and you had no clue what they were up to at the time.

“You were the first person I said we should go to!” 

“Yeah, same!” 

“Hey, dickheads, this is a private conversation” Steve rolled his eyes at Lucas and Dustin before turning back to you. He sighed when he saw the way your arms were crossed while frowning. You felt him wrap his arms around you, holding you as close to him as possible. “It was my idea not to call you. I’m sorry.” It simply wasn’t possible for you to stay mad at him. A soft smile made its way onto your face and before you knew it you were kissing him for the first time in what felt like ages. “You know I love you, right?” 

You gave a small laugh before kissing him, a little harder and a little longer this time, muttering I love you’s in between. “You know,” You were short of breath as you hopped off the counter and tried to compose yourself. Steve watched as you turned towards him again and your smile very subtly turned into a smirk. Your face was flushed and you were both just a little disheveled and he could swear he fell in love with you even more just then. “I had a little surprise planned just for you tonight,” Your voice was low and suggestive and if he wasn’t flustered and bothered before than he definitely was now. You placed one last soft kiss on his lips and flashed a smile before turning around again and making your way out of the room. “I guess now you’ll never know what it was.”

“Wait!” Steve tried calling after you but you were already gone. He let out a frustrated sigh as he ran his hands through his hair again. His imagination ran rampant with all the possibilities of what you had been implying. He spent another few minutes pacing the kitchen in an attempt to calm down a little. One thing was certain. He had missed out on spending time with you and if they didn’t die that night he was definitely going to kill Dustin. 

*

A week later you sat in your living room once again. This time however you had company. 

“Please baby,” Steve whined as he placed soft kisses up and down your neck. He had pulled you into his lap and was trying to convince you to elaborate on the little comment you had made at the Byer’s the week before. Meanwhile, you were watching a rerun of Ghostbusters. You were stubborn though and refused to tell him. For the time being at least. 

After another ten minutes of Steve trying to get your attention you finally huffed and turned to face him, straddling his lap in the process. The action caught him by surprise and he moaned a little when you kissed him just to get him to stop talking. 

“You really want to know?” You whispered against his lips as you tangled your hands in his hair. He gave you a small nod and gulped a little. “Well first,” His attention was focused completely on you and your every move as you kissed along his jaw. “You let me finish watching Ghostbusters.” 

Your laugh rang through the room when Steve threw his head back, rolled his eyes, and groaned loudly. In a flash you had changed positions, you now had your back against the couch while Steve straddled you. “You really suck, you know that?” You simply hummed in response as he kissed you again. 

The moment was short lived. Before you could process what was happening the front door swung wide open and you were met with a chorus of shouting. 

“You two are disgusting!” 

“What the hell guys!” 

“Seriously, get a room!” 

“Everyone avert your eyes!” 

The two of you sat up on the couch, Steve reluctantly and with a heavy sigh. You, on the other hand, gave him your I-told-you-so face. You had very specifically reminded him that it was game night and the party would be there soon. Evidently he hadn’t heard you. 

“Can we help you?” Steve looked at them, only slightly annoyed at their sudden intrusion. 

“We called tonight,” Mike complained first, motioning towards the plethora of junk food piled on the table that you had bought for everyone earlier. “In case you hadn’t noticed.” 

“And you guys couldn’t have knocked? We were,” Steve paused for a second and debated his next choice of words. “A little preoccupied.” 

“You know what,” Dustin interrupted before anyone could argue any further. “Just because we’re good people, and kind of owe you both, we’ll postpone for tomorrow. Just, you know, sanitize the place or something.”

He had a point and they all figured it was better safe than sorry. You let them leave all the things they had brought with piled on the floor and soon you were left alone with Steve again. 

“I knew he was my favorite for a reason.” Steve made sure the front door was locked before walking back over and offering you his hand. 

“What?” Your smile was wide, already knowing what he was planning. Or hoping you had planned still. “You don’t really want to pick up again after that do you?” 

“Why not?” His grin matched yours and there was a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “Just in case, we’re safer in your room. C’mon.”

You spared one last glance at the door before taking his hand and letting him lead you upstairs, knowing you were in for a blissfully long night. 

[pandora15]

Regeneration

Scrubbing a hand over his face, Obi-Wan tried to focus on whatever he was supposed to be doing right now.  

Right, he had to submit a handful of reports on previous missions for the Council and then plan out the briefing he was holding later that day.  

Sighing, he sat down on the couch and began to write the first report.

Obi-Wan slowly typed the heading for the report, which included the Jedi involved on the mission, the location, the date, and a few other general details, and then he paused.  

For some reason, he felt as though he was forgetting something important from the mission, or something was off…and now, it just felt like someone was coming.

Sure enough, the apartment’s door slid open and Anakin came in, smiling brightly.  

“Obi-Wan,” his former Padawan greeted, “when did you get back?”

“Just a few hours ago,” Obi-Wan answered, squinting at what he had written so far.  The datapad blinked innocently back at him, but it wasn’t helping.  

What am I supposed to be doing now?  

When Anakin didn’t reply immediately, Obi-Wan glanced back up at him.  “Anakin, was there something you needed?” Obi-Wan asked.

“Well, now that you mention it, I know we’re supposed to have that briefing later, but something came up, and I can’t go,” Anakin murmured, flesh hand rubbing at the back of his neck.

“What can possibly be so important?” Obi-Wan inquired as he continued to type.

“Um…I have to attend a meeting in the Senate Building,” Anakin answered slowly, though the fact that Anakin was suddenly interested in looking at the floor made things abundantly clear.

Oh.  Senator Amidala.  He was pretty sure that they were romantically involved, but since Anakin had never exactly told him anything, they never really talked about it.  

“Right,” Obi-Wan mumbled, bowing his head.  He felt…something, but it was impossible to describe it.

“So…do you think you can cover for me at the briefing?” Anakin asked softly, pleading.  “I was supposed to go to the Archives, I think, but I didn’t do that yet…” he explained.

The strange feeling suddenly rose again and completely overwhelmed him.  Obi-Wan placed the datapad on the table before him with a clatter, then covered his face with shaking hands.  

He felt like he was drowning; it was difficult to breathe and focus and do anything at all.  He could hear the blood rushing in his ears; he could feel the pounding in his head, the bile rising in his throat.  His breaths were short and quick, almost painful.

“Obi-Wan?” He barely heard Anakin’s voice now, but felt a sudden weight next to him on the couch.  “Obi-Wan?” Anakin asked again, voice now closer.

Obi-Wan rubbed at his eyes absently, shoving the feeling down and away almost violently.  He breathed deeply and pulled his hands away from his face.  “Yes, sorry,” he answered, then breathed again.

“What was that?” Anakin asked, frowning.

Obi-Wan blinked.  His vision was slightly blurry for some reason.  

“Nothing, it’s fine,” he answered.  “Do you remember what you were supposed to do for the briefing?” Obi-Wan asked, deftly changing the topic.  “I’m assuming you want me to go to the Archives for you as well?”

“Yes, well, if you can,” Anakin responded, voice more uncertain.  

Obi-Wan sighed internally, saved the report he was working on, and stood up.  “Well, I’ll be on my way, then.  You should probably head over to the Senate soon for your meeting,” Obi-Wan told him.

“Master, wait,” Anakin tried.

Obi-Wan stopped.  The exhaustion he felt pulled at his limbs and he wanted nothing more than to just sit down and not have to worry about anything for at least a few days.  The migraine brimming beneath his skull was beginning to quietly rage at him now, but the war and the Republic weren’t going to stop just because he needed a break.  

“Yes, Anakin?” he asked, turning back towards his former Padawan.

Anakin swallowed.  “Is everything alright?”

He wanted to say no, that he was desperately tired of practically running the Republic’s side of the war and almost every single mission and battle that was sent out of the Temple.  He was tired of all the reports and assignments and commitments and meetings and everything else he had to do right now, when he had literally no time to rest.

“Yes,” Obi-Wan answered shortly, because what else could he say?

Anakin frowned even more, then shook his head.  “I’ll cancel my…meeting.  I’ll go the Archives and come to the briefing later today,” he said after a long pause, then walked over to Obi-Wan and pulled him to the couch.  

Obi-Wan moved without much protest, confused about Anakin’s sudden change in behavior.  

“I feel like something’s wrong and you’re not telling me, Obi-Wan,” Anakin admitted.

“I have a lot of work to do, Anakin,” Obi-Wan responded.  “I’m glad you changed your mind about the briefing; it will give me time to finish the reports I have to do for the Council,” he realized, and reached for the datapad on the table, but Anakin swatted his hand away.

“You’re always doing reports for the Council, Master,” Anakin noted.  “Or if not reports, then you’re planning something or grading papers for classes you don’t even teach or something else!  When was the last time you had any time for yourself?” Anakin asked, voice raised.

Obi-Wan blinked.  “It wasn’t that long ago,” he answered finally.

“Really?” Anakin asked.  “So when exactly was it?  Because since the war started, I’ve never seen you take a break, Obi-Wan!”

“I don’t have time for this, Anakin,” Obi-Wan answered, keeping his voice level.  His head was pounding now, but he violently pushed the pain away into the Force and blinked the blurriness in his vision away.

“Fine,” Anakin answered angrily.  He stormed out and slammed the door behind him, causing Obi-Wan to wince at the loudness of the sound.  The migraine pulsed slightly, but he ignored it, rubbing at his eyes briefly before turning towards the datapad again.

Right.  Back to work, then.

As soon as he picked up his datapad, however, Obi-Wan’s commlink beeped urgently.  He barely suppressed the urge to throw his datapad across the room in frustration and instead placed it back on the table.  “Kenobi,” he answered once he picked up the commlink.

“We’re having an emergency Council meeting in ten minutes, Obi-Wan.” Master Windu’s voice sounded a little more urgent than usual.

Obi-Wan nodded.  “I’ll be there, Master Windu,” he answered, then clicked off the commlink.  So much for doing reports or planning the briefing or anything else.  It would take him just below ten minutes to get to the Council Chambers from here; he had to leave now if he wanted to get there on time.

He stood up and then stumbled when the pain in his head exploded into a full-blown migraine.  Obi-Wan gasped at the intense wave of dizziness and collapsed back onto the couch, feeling bile rise in his throat.  

Muttering a curse, he grappled for his commlink, contemplating calling Master Windu back and saying he was ill.  

But that wouldn’t do.  

He had to be at the meeting, especially if it was as important as it seemed.

He stood up again, and slowly pushed the pain into the Force, placing the commlink on his belt and walking out of his quarters.

---------------------------------------

The Council meeting was taking hours.  

Obi-Wan struggled to pay attention, but it was like his brain refused to work.  

Kit Fisto stood in the middle of the Council chambers, giving his report on his encounter with General Grievous on the Vassek system.  An encounter that costed Fisto the life of his former padawan, Nahdar Vebb.  The fact that Vebb was only recently Knighted made the loss even more devastating, but the Jedi must move on, as it is the Jedi way.  

Obi-Wan frowned and crossed his legs, trying to focus on the conversation again.  It was then that he realized that Master Yoda was saying his name.

“Yes, Master Yoda?” he asked, looking over at the Grand Master.

“Agree, do you, with Master Tiin?” Yoda asked, gesturing towards the Iktotchi Jedi Master, who stared at him severely.

Obi-Wan frowned, trying to remember what they were just talking about mere seconds ago.  He blinked, watching as the room blurred and suppressing the urge to shiver.  It normally wasn’t this cold in the Council Chambers.  

“I…” he began, trying to focus, but the exhaustion pulled at every part of him, demanding his attention.  He couldn’t possibly…

“Listening, you were not, Obi-Wan,” Yoda scolded, interrupting his train of thought.

Obi-Wan moved his head downward slightly, causing his vision to blur and pain to shoot through his temple and into his spine.  He blinked quickly and swallowed the bile rising up his throat, leaving a burning aftertaste in his mouth.  

“I apologize, Master,” he responded.  His own voice sounded far, far away now.  Yoda glanced at Mace Windu, who was frowning deeply.

“If you’re not going to listen and participate, then you can leave, Obi-Wan,” Master Windu announced severely.

A cold feeling—embarrassment, or shame, perhaps—rushed through him, making him feel even more nauseous than before.  He didn’t—shouldn’t—want to argue, but he suddenly felt as though he wronged the rest of the Council.  

“I—” he began, at a loss for words.  He looked around the circle of Council Members, but no one looked back at him, not even Yoda or Plo.

“Go,” Master Windu said, pointing to the door.

Obi-Wan pulled himself to his feet and looked directly at Master Fisto, who still stood in the center of the circle.  “I apologize,” he said again, voice echoing oddly in his ears, and the Nautolan gave a single nod back to him, a sort of understanding flashing through his face.  

Obi-Wan turned and walked slowly out of the circle.  

His vision was blurring even more and the pain pulsed now, through his body.  

He stumbled, once out of direct view of the Council.  Before he could think of pushing the pain away again, into the Force, it pulsed again, causing his vision to turn grey and the nausea to rise again.  

He swallowed the bile, and blinked up at the dim blurry lights near the ceiling, hearing someone far away shout his name before everything turned completely black.

---------------------------------------

Anakin sighed and scrolled through the datapad he was looking at.  

He didn’t understand how Obi-Wan found the Archives so interesting most of the time.  It was so boring.  

Nonetheless, he finished preparing for the briefing—finally—and still had an hour or two to spare.  

Padmé was disappointed when he cancelled on her; they were finally going to meet after about 3 months, but after seeing Obi-Wan’s near-breakdown (if that’s what it was, Anakin couldn’t really understand what exactly happened), Anakin immediately changed his mind.  Besides, Padmé would understand.

He returned the datapad to Jocasta Nu with an awkward smile and turned to leave the Archives.  As per the rules of the Archives, he initially put his commlink on silent when he walked in, so as he left he pulled it out.  There were almost 20 unread messages for him, all from Ahsoka.  He sighed.  Not wanting to read through all of the messages, he decided to call her instead.

“Master!” she exclaimed in relief.  “Did you see my messages?  Where are you?”  She sounded extremely worried, and through his bond with her he could feel her worry.  Something was wrong.

“No, not yet, I was in the Archives.  What happened?” he asked distractedly, trying to figure out what he should do with the time he had left before the briefing.  

He probably should go back to Obi-Wan and see if he needed help with anything.  Maybe if he helped him Anakin could get him to sleep during the night rather than stay up and work, as he normally did.

“It’s Master Kenobi, he collapsed during a Council meeting.  I’m at the Healers’ right now, but they’re making me wait before I can see him.  It’s been about an hour now,” she answered quickly.

Anakin immediately changed direction, as a feeling of dread rose in his stomach.  “I’m on the way,” he assured her, almost running now.  “Did they tell you anything?”

“No, not really.  Master Che wanted you to come, but you weren’t answering so she asked me to wait out here and try to contact you.  I’ll let them know you’re coming and see if they’ll tell me what’s going on,” she answered.

“Alright, I should be there soon, Snips,” he told her, then clicked off.

---------------------------------------

Master Vokara Che sighed, then beckoned Anakin into her office.  “We should talk in private, Skywalker,” she said, waving him inside.  Anakin felt another burst of worry within him, and he frowned as the Twi’lek healer sat at her desk.  She looked pointedly at the seat across from her, and he sat as well.

“So,” Master Che began, “As you might expect, this is another migraine.”

Anakin nodded.  That was what he thought.  “I feel like they are getting more frequent and severe,” he admitted, remembering that Obi-Wan had one about 3 weeks ago.

“Then you understand my concern,” Master Che responded.  “I am sure that his migraines are stress-induced, and I’m concerned that this may lead to more permanent problems,” she admitted, rubbing her face.

“What do you mean?” Anakin asked, confused.

Master Che sighed.  “Obi-Wan woke up about ten minutes after arriving here.  Almost immediately he started panicking because he was behind on all his work.  I ended up having to sedate him to get him to calm down and go back to sleep.  He’s been sleeping since,” she said.

“Wait,” Anakin said, voice rising, “Obi-Wan panicking?”  That never happened.  Ever.  His Master was well-known for his astounding level of calm, even in slightly more-than-difficult situations.  But this was…new.

The Twi’lek healer nodded.  

“Are you aware that Obi-Wan is practically running the Republic’s side of the Clone Wars by himself?  And that since he’s the newest member of the Council, they expect him to complete nearly all of their reports for the missions of all members?  That he’s taking on teaching classes because some of the teachers were killed in the war?  And I’m sure that you know that he’s been playing a largely significant part in your own padawan’s training, am I right?” she said, raising her brow.

Shame curled in his stomach, but he immediately squashed it.  Now wasn’t the time to be ashamed of this.  “He never said,” Anakin whispered, voice cracking.  “He’s never talked about these things,” he mumbled, eyes moving downward.

“He won’t, Skywalker.  Especially now,” Master Che responded.

“I asked him earlier today to go to the Archives for me, and he literally freaked out as soon as I asked.  It worried me so much that I agreed to go myself, but I didn’t know it meant anything serious,” Anakin realized.

“I imagine that it’s the sheer amount of work that he was subjecting on himself for all this time, without really caring for himself,” Master Che explained.  “He hasn’t been sleeping, and he is underweight and dehydrated.  The headaches are stress migraines, which aren’t necessarily any worse or better than his usual migraines, but coupled with the chronic stress, they can cause some problems for him.  As you’ve probably noticed, he will be prone to severe bouts of anxiety when pressed.”

Anakin nodded slowly.  Now that he thought about it, Obi-Wan had seemed to be really on edge over the past few weeks.

“I’ve completely removed him from any duty at all for the next few days,” Master Che continued.  “We can’t have a war as big as this one resting on one man’s shoulders as it is.”

Just the idea of just one person running the Republic’s side of the war made Anakin feel nauseous.  There was just…so much to consider, so much to do.

He nodded, and Master Che continued.

“Ideally, I’d like him to also see a mind healer to help him, but I know he’ll refuse.  If anything, I’ll do what I can to help him to find his center,” she explained.  “He is very overwhelmed, Anakin, so you need to keep him calm, no matter what.  I don’t care what you think is going on, if I sense any agitation from him or you at all, I will remove you from these Halls.”

“Understood, Master,” Anakin answered.  

“Good,” she replied and then deflated.  “He should be waking soon.  You and your Padawan can go see him.  Wait at the front with Ahsoka; someone will meet you to take you to him once he wakes.  Make sure you tell your padawan what I told you,” she instructed.

He nodded.  “I will.  Thank you,” he answered again.

She frowned.  “Don’t thank me yet, Skywalker.  I’d like these migraines to stop, but it seems like the opposite has been happening,” she murmured.  “Go.”  She waved him away.

Anakin walked back into the waiting room, where Ahsoka was waiting.  She smiled, eyes eager.  “Did you see him?” she asked brightly.  “What happened?”

“Ahsoka, quiet,” he murmured, glancing around apologetically at the other Jedi who frowned at her loudness.  He sat down next to her heavily.  “And to answer your question, no, I just talked to Master Che about some…things.  They’ll let us both see him in a few minutes,” he explained.

“What did Master Vokara Che say?” she pressed.

“It’s hard to explain, Ahsoka, this isn’t the best place to say,” he murmured, glancing around the room uncertainly.  “But when we go inside, it’s very important that you and I both remain quiet and calm, okay?  Don’t even talk to Obi-Wan about the war or the Council or…anything, really,” he advised, then shifted uncomfortably on his chair.

“But why?” she asked, tilting her head.

“Not now, Ahsoka,” he muttered, just as a Padawan healer approached them.

“Right this way, Knight Skywalker, Padawan Tano,” the healer said, gesturing them towards the door leading to a hallway.  They followed him into one of the rooms.  Obi-Wan was propped up against the headboard of the cot, blinking sleepily.  An IV was attached to his left wrist, Anakin noted.

“Hi, Master,” Anakin said softly as they entered.

Obi-Wan looked up.  His eyes were quite red and there was almost no color at all in his face.  “Anakin?  Ahsoka?” he murmured, then blinked again.  “I don’t understand,” he murmured.  “I thought you left.”

“We didn’t,” Anakin responded softly, slightly confused.  “How are you feeling?” he asked, hoping it wasn’t too much to ask even that.

“Tired, I think,” Obi-Wan answered, blinking slowly at him.  

He wasn’t lying, Anakin noticed.  Whatever sedative they gave him was strong; it seemed like he was going to fall asleep again within the next few minutes.  

Obi-Wan glanced around the room.  “Can you get me a bin, Anakin?” he asked softly.

“Are you nauseous?” Anakin asked as Ahsoka picked up the bin near the entrance of the room and handed it to Obi-Wan.

“Not especially, but I want it with me just in case,” Obi-Wan mumbled, leaning his head back against the headboard.  As Anakin moved closer, he could see the sweat dotting his brow and the dark bruises under his eyes.  When was the last time he slept?  Anakin wanted to ask, but bit the question back, remembering what Vokara Che said.

“I’m glad you’re both here, but I think I’m about to fall asleep on you,” Obi-Wan admitted after taking a shaky breath.

“That’s alright, Master Kenobi, we’ll come back some other time,” Ahsoka piped up, smiling slightly.

“Good,” Obi-Wan answered, then closed his eyes.  A few seconds later, he was snoring lightly.  The padawan healer that escorted Anakin and Ahsoka moved forward and adjusted Obi-Wan so that his head rested on the pillows instead of the headboard.  The healer nodded at them and gestured for them to leave.  They walked back to the waiting room, where Master Che was waiting for them.

“I spoke to the Council about my decision to pull Obi-Wan out of everything for the next few days, but I’d like it to be for a week, if not more.  Once his migraine is gone and he is discharged, I’d like him to be on medical leave for some more time, even if he says he’s fine,” Master Che explained.

Anakin nodded.  “Whatever you decide, Master Che.  If there’s any way I can help, let me know,” he said.  “When can we visit again?”

“I think tomorrow might be best,” Master Che answered.  “Don’t you have an important briefing coming up, anyway?”

“Oh, kriff!” Anakin exclaimed.  “Come on, Snips; we’ll come back tomorrow,” he told his Padawan, before looking up at Vokara Che again.  “Thank you so much,” he said.

---------------------------------------

“Anakin, thank the Force you’re here,” Obi-Wan greeted when Anakin walked in the next day.

“You seem better,” Anakin commented, but he couldn’t tell if Obi-Wan actually was.  Though he was sitting upright and appeared to be more coherent than before, he still was really pale and had those dark smudges under his eyes, and Anakin could almost feel the migraine slipping through parts of Obi-Wan’s mental shields.

“Yes, well, I’m fine now, but Master Che doesn’t seem to think so,” Obi-Wan sighed.  “Anyways, how was the briefing yesterday?” he asked, tone nonchalant.

“It was good, Obi-Wan, but don’t worry about that stuff,” Anakin said.  “Just focus on getting better and doing whatever the healers tell you.”

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow and then snorted.  “I’d rather just get out of here so I can finish…well, everything,” he responded, then frowned, “I hope.”  Anakin felt something similar to alarm slipping through Obi-Wan’s mental shields.

“Don’t worry about that,” Anakin repeated, then sat down at the chair by Obi-Wan’s bed.  That’s when he noticed the IV still attached to his Master’s wrist.  “The Council is taking care of everything…” He trailed off when Obi-Wan seemed to freeze.  “Master?” he asked.

Obi-Wan blinked slowly, then began to shake his head, but stopped with a pained hiss.  He crumpled back into the bed, breathing heavily.  A light sheen of sweat appeared on his forehead and his eyelids fluttered as though he struggled to regain control.

“Obi-Wan?” Anakin asked, feeling panic twist his stomach into knots.  He reached forward and placed his flesh hand on Obi-Wan’s shoulder.  He felt Obi-Wan tremble violently beneath his hand, felt feverish warmth emanating from him.  

Anakin heard the door behind him open; he watched as Vokara Che rushed up to the other side of Obi-Wan’s bed and placed one hand on his forehead and the other on his chest.  Anakin felt her Force suggestion, pushing Obi-Wan into sleep.  

Obi-Wan deflated with a long breath, his face relaxing almost immediately.  His eyes fluttered shut.

Vokara Che turned to him immediately.  “You told me you’d be careful, Skywalker!” she exclaimed, raising both hands in exasperation.

“I was!” Anakin responded loudly, but frowned when Obi-Wan’s face twisted in his sleep.  “I was,” he repeated, quietly this time.

The Twi’lek healer released a sigh, then moved to adjust the bed from its propped position to a more horizontal one.  The tension in Obi-Wan’s face smoothed out only slightly.  

“The Force suggestion won’t last long,” she murmured, studying Obi-Wan carefully with a frown.  “I don’t think he gets fevers with the migraines, but it seems that his whole body is struggling to find balance, not just his mental state,” she mused, then looked at Anakin again.  

“Even if he is asking about the Council or the war or anything, you won’t say anything.  Am I clear?”

Anakin nodded.  His commlink buzzed, and he lifted it to see the message.  “Ahsoka’s on her way,” he said softly.

She sighed.  “Wait outside for her.  I’ll let you know if he’s still able to receive visitors now.  You will most likely have to wait until tomorrow,” she said.

Anakin nodded and moved out of the room quickly.

---------------------------------------

“But it’s not just a migraine, is it?” Ahsoka asked.

Anakin sighed.  “No, I’m sure you’ve realized it’s not,” he answered.  They were walking back to the apartment, since Vokara Che decided that Obi-Wan would have no visitors for the rest of the day.  “I’ll explain it all to you when we get back.”

Since there wasn’t really much time after Anakin’s Knighting for him to move out of Obi-Wan’s apartment, they still lived together.  When Ahsoka became Anakin’s Padawan, she decided to either sleep on the couch in the living room or in Anakin’s bed, since they were very rarely at the Temple now.  She didn’t mind sharing with Anakin; it felt nice to have another person right next to her while she slept.  It was…comforting.

When they got back to the apartment, they sat side-by-side on the couch awkwardly.  Anakin stared briefly at the datapad Obi-Wan left on the table the previous day, forgotten now.  

“Tell me,” Ahsoka said, turning towards him.

Anakin took a deep breath.  

“As you may know, the war has been affecting Jedi quite a bit,” he began hesitantly.  “But Obi-Wan’s pushed himself well beyond the brink of exhaustion and he’s having a hard time bouncing back from it.  He took way more responsibilities than humanly possible and pushed himself too far.”

Ahsoka’s eyes were wide, as though she didn’t really know how to respond.

“Vokara Che says that he just needs time to find balance again and to recover.  Once he recovers from the physical illness, he’s going to need a few more days before we can ship out again,” he sighed.

“What are we going to do then?” Ahsoka asked.  “Weren’t we supposed to go to Vanqor?”

“Next week,” Anakin answered.  “I told Cody after the briefing, but he decided that he didn’t want to worry the other clones,” Anakin continued.  “But even after this we’ll have to keep an eye on Obi-Wan and make sure it doesn’t get to this level again,” he murmured.

Ahsoka nodded then leaned back.  “If we end up visiting him tomorrow we should get him something,” she suggested.

“Like what?”

“Um…” She frowned, thinking.  “Food?  What does Master Kenobi like?” she wondered, realizing that she had literally no idea.  She knew almost nothing about her Grandmaster, despite spending a significant amount of time with him.

“Tea,” Anakin answered immediately.

Ahsoka raised her brow.  “I said food, Skyguy, not drinks,” she laughed.

“Right,” Anakin responded, then frowned.

“Master…” she said slowly.

“I’m sorry!” he exclaimed, covering his face with his hands.  “It’s just that Obi-Wan never really said and I guess I never paid attention to what he liked to eat while I was his Padawan,” Anakin muttered.

“You’ve known him for over a decade!” Ahsoka exclaimed.  “I’ve known you for about three weeks and I know what you like,” she declared.

“You do not,” Anakin challenged.  “You never even asked!”

“I didn’t need to, Skyguy,” she responded, “Let’s see…you’re from Tatooine, so you obviously like blue milk.  You also like flatbread and black melon, from what I understand.  Your absolute favorite, though, are nerf burgers and milkshakes,” she listed off.

Anakin’s jaw dropped.  “How did you know?” he asked.  “I don’t even know what you like,” he admitted.

She smiled.  “I have my ways, Master,” she responded.  “And it’s fine, Togrutas have a really specific diet.  I wouldn’t expect you to know what I like.  Yet,” she grinned.

Anakin laughed.  “Oh, don’t you worry, little one, I’ll find out exactly what you like,” he said, then deflated.  “We could go to Dex’s and get something for Obi-Wan there.  I’m pretty sure Dex knows what he likes to get, and he would love to meet you, Snips,” he realized.

“Let’s go, then!” she exclaimed, jumping to her feet.

---------------------------------------

Anakin walked into Dex’s Diner and smiled.  He hadn’t had the chance to visit since before he was Knighted, before even the war started.  Obi-Wan used to take him here all the time when he was younger, but as they got busier with missions, those visits became more and more infrequent.

“Ani, is that you?” Dex called, and then lumbered over to the entrance, where Anakin stood with Ahsoka.  

“Anakin!” Dex exclaimed, then hugged him tightly, causing Anakin to gasp from the tightness.  When Dex released him, he looked down at Ahsoka, who stood smiling next to Anakin.  

“And who’s this?” Dex asked, crossing one set of his arms.

“This is Ahsoka,” Anakin responded, placing a hand on Ahsoka’s shoulder, “My Padawan learner.”

“Oh!  It feels like yesterday when you first came in here with Obi-Wan, and now you have your own Padawan,” Dex crooned, walking them over to a booth.  

Anakin and Ahsoka sat down on one side, while Dex squeezed in the other.  

“Speaking of Obi-Wan, where’s he at?” The Besalisk looked around the diner, as though he expected Obi-Wan to walk in any moment.

Anakin deflated.  “At the Temple, Dex.  He’s unfortunately not feeling well,” he answered, and Dex frowned.  “We’re hoping some food from here might do him some good, so if you can, we’d like whatever he usually gets, to go.  And a nerf burger for me,” he added, realizing that he was hungry.

“I’d like a Shawda Club sandwich,” Ahsoka chimed in, glancing at the menu.

Dex nodded.  “Was it one of those migraines?” he asked quietly.

Anakin paused, unsure of how much to say.  Obi-Wan never really liked talking about his migraines, but the fact that Dex already knew unsettled him.  “Yeah,” he answered finally.  “At least, part of it is,” Anakin supplied.

“Part of it?” Dex questioned, then sighed.  “I won’t ask for details, but I’m sorry to hear that.  Tell him to get over here once he’s better, alright?” Dex asked, then stood up, “I have to get back to my orders.  Give me about fifteen minutes for your food.”

Anakin thanked him and released a breath when Dex was out of earshot.

“I never thought that Master Obi-Wan would be friends with someone like him,” Ahsoka commented quietly, glancing back at Dex, who was cooking again.

“Dex is not what you might think him to be, Snips,” Anakin answered.  “If it weren’t for him, we probably wouldn’t have the clones right now.”

Ahsoka’s eyes widened.  “What do you mean?” she asked.

By the time Anakin finished explaining what Obi-Wan told him about his discovery of the clone army on Kamino, Hermione, the droid waitress, came to their table with both of their orders and Obi-Wan’s food in a large bag.  

“It’s all on the house,” she told them as she placed their trays before them.  Anakin thanked her and waved at Dex in thanks before digging into his food.  Ahsoka did the same, and with a delighted smile, quickly finished her food.

“Let’s head back to the Temple,” Anakin said, grabbing the bag and walking out with another wave at Dex, who waved back.

---------------------------------------

“Obi-Wan!”

Obi-Wan looked up and smiled at Anakin as he walked in with Ahsoka.  “Hello, Anakin, Ahsoka,” he greeted.  

He looked better now, more awake and with less bruises under his eyes.  

The IV was gone now, though Master Che had told them before they came in that he was still taking pain medication for the migraine and was struggling with nausea.  She seemed uncertain about whether Obi-Wan would be able to keep the food from Dex’s down, but she was sure he would be happy with the gift, which would help.

“We got you some food from Dex,” Anakin announced, lifting the bag of food slightly.  “He wants you to visit as soon as you get out of here.”

Obi-Wan smiled softly in response.

“I’ll come visit him as soon as I can,” he said, frowning at the bag of food.  “I appreciate the food, but I don’t think I’ll be able to keep it down.”

“That’s alright; we can keep it in the cooling unit for now,” Anakin replied.  “How are you?”

Obi-Wan nodded slowly.  “Better, definitely,” he replied.  “I am sorry if I worried you.  It’s been a difficult few weeks.”

He let out a quiet sigh and sank back into his pillows.  “I’m—that’s not entirely true,” he whispered.  “I’ve been rather negligent about coming to terms with…well, everything.”

The admission, as heavy as it was, didn’t really answer any of the questions that Anakin had, but he hesitated to press Obi-Wan further.  However, the confusion must have shown in his eyes because Obi-Wan let out a sigh and closed his eyes, looking a bit more uncomfortable than before.

“I need time.”

Anakin found himself nodding slowly, unsure of what to say.  Luckily, his Padawan did not have the same problem.

“That’s alright,” Ahsoka replied, sitting down on the stool next to the bed.  “It’s okay to not be okay, Master.”

Obi-Wan nodded slowly, letting out another sigh and rubbing at his eyes.  “I’m not—I don’t think I have been for a while.”  His voice cracked, and for a moment, Anakin felt as though he finally knew what lay in the core of his Master’s identity.

“I know,” Anakin croaked, and he sat next to Ahsoka.  Slowly, he lowered his shields, one by one, and projected as much love and support into the Force, practically flooding it into the bond he shared with Obi-Wan.

He just needed Obi-Wan to understand how much he cared, how much he wanted Obi-Wan to feel like he wasn’t alone.

“We’re here for you, Master,” Anakin whispered, and he projected that into the Force, the calm sort of support that he had always sensed from Obi-Wan before, when he was the one who was struggling to stay afloat.  “Always.”

Obi-Wan blinked.  A tear rolled down from the corner of his right eye, followed swiftly by another.

“Master Kenobi?” Ahsoka asked, eyes wide.

Obi-Wan shook his head as more tears fell, until he could contain it no longer.  A sob escaped from his mouth, and he curled into himself, covering both eyes with his hands.

Without thinking, Anakin moved towards the bed, pulling Obi-Wan into a tight hug.  He felt his Padawan immediately follow, feeling her arms wrap around his shoulders, one of her montrals pressing onto his upper arm.

Obi-Wan continued to shudder, crying more openly than Anakin had ever seen.  In fact, Anakin was sure he’d never seen Obi-Wan cry before at all.

This was new territory, but Anakin promised himself that he would do whatever it takes to make sure that he was there for Obi-Wan the same way Obi-Wan had been there for him for all these years.

The Force felt lighter than it had in a long time, as though something had just clicked into place and there was renewed hope lighting the way into the future, into the years ahead.

“Thank you,” Obi-Wan whispered, voice shaking.  “Thank you.”