#simultaneously ruined me and made me obsessed with it at the same time

[sandyferal]

I genuinely think Tootie’s behavior towards Timmy would improve dramatically like. The second Vicky moves out of the family house. It’s clear that Vicky is severely inhibiting Tootie’s ability to have friends, much less have them come over and spend time with her. And it feels likely that the main reason her crush turned into an obsession is because Timmy had shown himself to be the only person willing to be nice to her. It doesn’t justify the way she acted, but let’s be real it’s not like she has good role models to teach her better.

I feel like once Vicky isn’t around to ruin her social life she’ll be able to have other friends over and like, have someone around to seek comfort in that isn’t her crush. She could actually start growing as a person. Which could happen as soon as like, 1-3 years after the events of the show?

I also really like the idea that even if she isn’t obsessed with Timmy, that Crimson Chin doll he gave her holds a special place in her heart because like. As a sentimental person I gotta be real something like that would never not be sweet to me. I’d thinking about it for years.

And I like to think because of that she eventually got into comics and began to obsess over those instead. Maybe Crimson Chin wasn’t her thing! But she seems to enjoy fantasies and I think it would be so fun to see her find her own interests. If we’re getting into specifics, I get the vibes that she would be into comics following heroes like Superman, or when villainesses get their own comics like Harley or Poison Ivy. Obviously not those exact characters but those are the vibes I get. Not to say I don’t think she wouldn’t still have girly interests and love romance and stuff but man.

Additionally. I fucking hate Tootie from the live action movies. They glorify her as hot and morally perfect while simultaneously treating how she was as a child as weird and ugly. Man people grow up and sometimes get less weird but like some people are just dorks. Tootie is a dork. Keep her as an overenthusiastic, emotional, glasses-wearing, strong-willed dork. You cowards. Women don’t need to be “perfect” to be accepted and loved.

If Tootie and Timmy did eventually get together, personally I think it would be good if Timmy just. Didn’t see her for a while. She gets more into spending time with actual friends, and doesn’t talk to Timmy as much until they meet up again a couple years later at an afterschool comic club/comic con, or something of that sort. I think she deserves to be her own person before she actually ends up with anyone.

And while I normally don’t like “ships” (I say that in quotes bc I don’t particularly feel compelled to ship these children at all) that involves a party who clearly isn’t interested… they’re also. Children. It’s not that serious. They really shouldn’t be together at this age anyway, and they probably will change as they get older.

It doesn’t feel that big of a deal to imagine Tootie and Timmy might be together as adults despite their current dynamic, because the main issues are:

a) Tootie doesn’t respect boundaries and is emotionally unstable, which are both likely caused by isolation, lack of good role models, and being too young to understand things. Very likely she grows out of it.

b) Timmy not liking her. Which, in the context of the early episodes about her, is actually something you could debate?

To clarify, he obviously isn’t interested in a romantic relationship most of the time, but at the same time he clearly has some care for her. The argument could be made that it is because of his fairies influencing him, yes, or it’s just pity. But like. There are episodes where he legit just does something because he wants her to be happy. And he indicates he doesn’t really dislike her or hate spending time with her. He, at least in theory, is actually willing to spend time with her. (“I would’ve gone to her dumb party if she’d invited me.”) That’s not even mentioning how he. Like. Just straight up chose to stick himself with a love arrow because he wanted to enjoy spending a Valentine’s Day with her. Which is a whole thing that could be analyzed but not the point.

If anything his actions point to a young boy who at the moment, only feels attraction through the lense of someone being “pretty” instead of someone they can genuinely get along with. He sees Tootie as weird and embodying the qualities boys find “icky” in girls. It would make sense if he grew out of that.

Although at the end of the day I don’t really care who these kids end up with, I JUST want Tootie to be able to have a happy and healthy social life/relationship with a partner when she grows up, and I hate the idea of completely stripping away her “not pretty” qualities before she’s allowed to have that. She’s a fucking lovely little girl who deserves to be herself, and to be weird, and to be happy. That’s my fucking daughter!!! I love her so much!!!

[nova-alien-rants]

trying to finally heal my NPD and dealing with the damage it's caused is so fucking devastating

uhh if you demonize narcs please get off my blog before i launch you into the sun uhh this post is kinda long

it just... it hurts so bad dude. and i feel like my BPD makes it even worse because every time i'm confronted with the reality that i've fucked up those around me so badly, i can end up spiraling into thinking i'm the worst person ever, i deserve to die, i ruin everything, there's no hope for me, etc. it's so awful. i genuinely hate how much i've hurt those in my life.

examples:

i've gaslit my gf to the point where she still feels like SHE'S the problem, even though it's literally been me all along. she kept trying to help me and i villainized her the whole time. i'm disgusted with how i acted. my eyes have been opened and i no longer act the way i did, but the damage has been done and i can't help but cry because of how much i've hurt her these past several years.

my friend became used to me making backhanded jabs and even passive aggressive remarks because i always felt threatened by him. i stopped being mean to him like that, but because he was used to that dynamic with me, he kept up with his own vindictiveness and made me feel terrible that i trained him to do that in the first place. he doesn't do it with anyone else.

i've lost many friends and gotten into baseless arguments simply because i was acting like a giant asshole under the delusion that THEY were the assholes, not me. even though they literally did not do anything. my own ego was wounded and that wasn't their fault. i was such a fool for destroying those relationships.

i feel so fucking despondent so much of the time now, and i keep flip flopping between "there's hope for me and i can help reduce the stigma of NPD" and "i am the worst person ever, i'm a horrible monster who just hurts people, there's no getting better for me." my emotions are so intense. either they're everywhere, or they're nowhere. i also feel so much grief. i could have had amazing relationships with amazing people around me, and to an extent i do now! but so much of the lives of myself and others have been absolutely ravaged by my own self obsession and vindictiveness, and i can't help but wonder what things would be like if i weren't the way i am. honestly i'm so ashamed of myself for letting things get to this point.

whenever i would do research on NPD, i would wonder like... why do people not know they have this condition? how could they possibly not know when it fucks up their lives so bad? i knew about my BPD and OCPD before i even knew what those conditions were called, and those are also ego-syntonic personality disorders! so i was REALLY thrown a curveball when i was told i'm a narc. it felt like my world shattered and i simultaneously could see clearer, but also felt so much shame and sadness. and other things, but i don't even know what in specific. bad things. it seriously changed how i viewed myself and everyone and everything in this world around me.

i remember i would always tell myself i would never end up like my parents, both of whom are narcissists. they were and still are the worst abusers out of all the abusers i've ever had in my life. so when i found out i was a narc, too, i felt disgusted not only because it explained so much of my life, but also because it meant my worst fear had come true. i associate narcissism with my parents. i'd be lying if i were to say i didn't have my own internalized ableism about NPD due to them. at the same time though, i get distressed from sharing physical features with them too, so it's hard to really say. it just sucks all around.

i feel like some kind of evil monster crying crocodile tears upon finally having it click that they actually are, indeed, some kind of evil monster. i've hurt so many people so badly and i was totally blind to it. COMPLETELY. to the point i genuinely believed THEY were the ones hurting ME. sometimes i'm so consumed with shame i literally never want to show my face to anyone ever again. i want to run away and start a new life where no one knows who i am or what my past was like. but alas, such is not feasible, so i am stuck dealing with the consequences of my actions. and accept them i will, of course, because it's the grave i dug for myself, but fuck, man. this feels so awful. i feel so awful.

[music-orthemisery]

not your original "twin speak" anon, but to add, i remember this one interview after as and pw just got married and it was mentioned that he was talking to the interviewer for a long time, and as was like, 8 hours?? i don't think i could talk to you for that long before she goes back to wherever. or that time he described his wedding and getting not-jitters but just being zoned out. this isn't a diss on as, and i dont think i make much sense but. i think pw mentions "twin speak" when he talked about her because that's what in his vocabulary and he wanted to romanticize her (and isn't that funny it's the same thing he says with...anyway), but that time of his life wasnt all that peachy. what's obvious is that he wanted to be in love so badly.

Oh, anon, you are opening a can of worms for me and I am HERE for it.

Because…yes. “He wanted to romanticize her,” and “he wanted to be in love so badly,” could be entire thesis statements.

I have a lot of thoughts on the Pete/Ashlee relationship, but it boils down to - anyone who was paying attention and/or actually looks at all the details of that time would see it’s very likely that this relationship at least STARTED as PR. All the signs and set up were there.

At the core of it, Ashlee was continuously striving to edge-up her image to set herself apart from Jessica. She was also still trying to come back from the SNL incident. The Simpson family was HUGE at the time and very few of those girls’ actions weren’t carefully calculated by their father, Joe. Like, both girls had reality shows and for what? This was like the equivalent of the Kardashians then, and Joe was Kris Jenner.

(Side note - this is why the idea that Pete “held Ashlee back” or negatively impacted her career is…odd. She already ruined her own career with the SNL thing in 2004. She was getting HUGE at that point, and it was genuinely a disaster. People would NOT let that go. Getting with Pete was a continued attempt to claw back from that and he genuinely had nothing to do with it.)

Simultaneously, Fall Out Boy was absolutely MASSIVE, and all eyes were on Pete. He was attractive, charismatic, and was the poster boy for what was “hot” at the time. Pete was also…not in his best mental state for most of it. His interview answers and journals point to someone who just wants to feel “normal” and like he’s doing things “right” for once.

It’s also heavily alluded that his label was pushing this as well. Hollywood and fame at the level they were at requires strategic calculation, and Pete’s adjacent obsession with “protecting” the band and being the perfect frontman likely made him agreeable to their suggestions. (“Put love on hold, young Hollywood is on the other line”)

The fact that there were suddenly several points where Pete says “Ashlee Simpson” as his celebrity crush or whatever in interviews and then they’re spotted together…? That shit isn’t real life. Especially not in the Simpson household. Especially not for Pete Wentz circa 2007.

Were they attracted to each other? Totally. Obviously. They have a child. But were they in LOVE LOVE and good for each other? Fuck no. Not at all. Their shotgun wedding due to Bronx was Pete doing the “right thing” and getting that “normal guy wife and kids” fantasy he’d been desperate for. I’m sure the Simpson family also had much influence, but by no means am I saying Pete didn’t go into that willingly. He made his mistakes, they were his to make. Ya know? Hehe

I’m also not saying anyone is a villain here. They were all pawns in a money game, and everyone is a loser when that’s the case. In retrospect, it was obviously good in ways that Bronx exists and helped Pete start to realize the mess his life had become. Both he and Ashlee moved on to different people who they seem much happier with and better suited for. Luckily everyone made it through to healthier places. That’s unfortunately not the case for many.

So there’s a novel just to agree with you, anon! It was such an odd and sad time for Pete, and I’m glad he was able to put the pieces together into something objectively more settled, healthy, and joyful.

(And, ok, just a few disclaimers: Before anyone is like “you’re just saying all this because you have truther mold” - genuinely, for me, you can take Patrick completely out of the equation and I would still think this. I thought this back when it was HAPPENING.

Also, you can totally believe their relationship was disingenuous and unhealthy and that doesn’t have to equate to hating Ashlee/women? Not sure where that idea came from…maybe there’s some other fandom trauma there or something…but that’s genuinely not the case for me at least. You can totally dislike something and not have some…morally questionable reason behind it. Nuance and context, babes. They’re beautiful things.)

[mcufanfics]

Unexpected Chemistry - Doctor Strange (fanfic)! ⚠️ warning! Smut/18+ scenes!

It was a breezy afternoon when you decided to visit your favorite spiritual shop, a hidden gem tucked away in the heart of the city. The shop was filled with the scent of incense and the soft glow of candlelight, with ambient music creating a tranquil atmosphere. As you perused the crystals and tarot cards, your attention was suddenly drawn to a tall man browsing through the same section.

His presence was commanding, his aura almost tangible. With sharp features, intense blue eyes, and an air of confidence, he stood out among the eclectic mix of patrons. You couldn’t help but stare a bit longer than socially acceptable, captivated by his enigmatic demeanor. To your surprise, he noticed. His eyes met yours, and a small, knowing smile played on his lips. Feeling caught, you quickly averted your gaze, pretending to be engrossed in a book about chakras.

Moments later, you heard his voice, smooth and confident, “Finding anything interesting?”

You looked up, your heart skipping a beat. “Oh, um, just browsing. How about you?”

“I’m always interested in expanding my knowledge,” he replied, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “I’m Stephen, by the way.”

“Y/N,” you introduced yourself, feeling a strange connection. There was something magnetic about him that made you want to keep talking. After a few moments of small talk, you mustered up the courage to ask, “Would you like to grab a coffee with me? There’s a nice café not far from here.”

His smile broadened. “I’d love that.”

You both decided to meet outside the shop a few hours later, and after parting ways, you couldn’t shake off the excitement bubbling inside you. When the time came, you found him waiting, looking even more striking in the evening light. Together, you walked to the café, and as you sat down, the conversation flowed effortlessly.

Stephen was charming and flirtatious, his wit sharp and engaging. He had a way of making you feel at ease while simultaneously setting your heart racing. You found yourself laughing more than you had in a long time, sharing stories and learning about each other’s lives. He talked about his journey from being a renowned surgeon to discovering the mystical arts.

“So, what got you interested in spiritual shops?” he asked, genuinely curious.

You smiled, feeling comfortable opening up. “I’ve always been drawn to the metaphysical. There’s something calming about connecting with the spiritual side of things. It helps balance my everyday life, especially working at the pet shop.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “There’s a lot of wisdom in ancient practices. They teach us to look beyond the obvious, to understand the deeper layers of reality.”

You were fascinated by his perspective. “You sound like you’ve had quite the journey yourself. What led you to... this?” You gestured vaguely, unsure how to describe his aura of mystery.

Stephen chuckled softly. “A series of unfortunate events, as they say. I was a neurosurgeon, arrogant and obsessed with my work, until a car accident changed everything. My hands were ruined, and I searched the world for healing. That’s when I found Kamar-Taj and learned about the mystic arts. It opened my eyes to a reality far beyond what I had ever imagined.”

His story was both tragic and inspiring. “That’s incredible. It must have taken a lot of strength to go through that.”

He looked at you with a warmth that made your heart flutter. “It did. But I found a new purpose. And meeting people like you makes it all worth it.”

After a delightful time at the café, he looked at you with a warmth that made your heart race. “How about we have a real date in three days? There’s an Italian restaurant I think you’d love,” he proposed.

You nodded eagerly, “I’d like that.”

Three days passed in a blur of anticipation. You went about your routine at the pet shop, but your thoughts kept drifting back to Stephen. You replayed your conversations in your mind, each memory making you smile. When the evening of the date arrived, you dressed carefully, wanting to look your best. Stephen was waiting outside the restaurant, looking dapper and sophisticated in a tailored suit.

Dinner was a magical experience. The restaurant was cozy and intimate, with soft lighting and the aroma of delicious Italian dishes filling the air. Stephen pulled out your chair for you, his gentlemanly manners making you feel special.

As you browsed the menu, he leaned in slightly, his voice low and teasing. “What looks good to you?”

You glanced up, meeting his eyes. “Everything. I can’t decide.”

He chuckled. “How about we share a few dishes? That way, we get to try more.”

You agreed, and soon, the table was filled with a variety of plates, each one more delicious than the last. Over dinner, the conversation deepened.

“So, Y/N,” Stephen said, his gaze intense yet playful, “what’s something about you that most people don’t know?”

You thought for a moment, enjoying the way his attention never wavered from you. “I have a secret passion for painting. It’s something I do to relax, but I’ve never shown my work to anyone.”

His eyebrows lifted in surprise. “A hidden artist. I’d love to see your paintings sometime.”

You felt a blush creep up your cheeks. “Maybe someday. What about you, Stephen? Any hidden talents?”

He smirked, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Well, aside from bending the fabric of reality, I’m quite skilled at close-up magic. Want to see a trick?”

You nodded eagerly. He puts his hand in his pocket and pulled out a deck of cards, performing an intricate sleight of hand that left you both amazed and amused.

“Impressive,” you said, genuinely awed. “You must be fun at parties.”

He laughed. “I try. It’s all about keeping people entertained.”

As the evening came to a close, he insisted on walking you home. The streets were quiet, and the moon cast a soft glow over everything. You talked about your favorite books, movies, and places you’d like to visit someday.

Outside your apartment, he reached out for a hug. His embrace was warm and comforting, his arms wrapping around you in a way that made you feel safe. As you looked into each other’s eyes, still holding each other, he leaned in and kissed you gently. It was a tender, lingering kiss that left you breathless and wanting more.

“Goodnight, Y/N,” he murmured, his lips brushing your ear before he turned and walked away.

You watched him go, your heart fluttering, and then made your way inside. Sleep came easily that night, filled with dreams of him.

The next day was like any other, until you returned home from work. As you settled on the couch to watch TV, a familiar swirling light caught your eye. Stephen stepped through a portal, his eyes intense and filled with a longing that mirrored your own.

Stephen's gaze locked onto yours, a mixture of relief and desire igniting the air between you. He sauntered over to the couch, his voice a deep, velvety rumble.

“Can we talk?”

You look at him surprised

“yes of course”

He takes a seat next to you, his eyes never leaving yours. He takes a moment, gathering his thoughts before speaking.

“I... I can't stop thinking about you.”

He says, his confession hanging in the air.

You can't help smiling as you look at him

“The same honestly”

Stephen's heart skips a beat as you smile. He leans a little closer, his gaze fixated on you, his voice filled with a touch of vulnerability.

“I've been trying to tell myself it's a terrible idea, that I shouldn't let my feelings for you grow.”

Without saying anything or any warning he leans in and kisses you.

The moment their lips meet, time seems to stand still. Stephen's hand finds its way to your cheek, his touch gentle yet filled with a barely restrained passion. As he deepens the kiss, all the doubts and hesitation that had weighed on him disappear. He pulls you closer, as if he can't get enough of you.

His grip on you tightens the moment he hears you moan. The sound sends a jolt of electricity through him, his mind and body on fire with desire. He deepens the kiss, his tongue gently exploring your mouth, tasting, claiming. He can't get enough of you, his hands roving over your body, needing to feel every inch of you.

His dominance takes over as he gently pushes you back onto the couch, his body covering yours. His hands wander over your curves, his lips exploring your neck, leaving a trail of hot, open-mouthed kisses down your skin. He growls, the sound deep and possessive as he hovers over you, his eyes darkened with desire.

Your arms wraps around his shoulders and neck slowly and his lips continue their downward path, his breath hot against your skin. His hands find the hem of your shirt, slowly peeling it off, revealing more and more of your skin to him. The sight of you, laid out beneath him, is driving him wild. He can barely contain himself, his body screaming for more, to claim you fully.

Once your shirt is removed, Stephen pauses to take in the sight of you beneath him, his breath catching in his throat. His eyes roam over your exposed skin, his gaze filled with hunger. He leans in, his lips finding your collarbone as his hands gently run down your sides, savoring the feel of your body against him. He kisses a path down your chest, his tongue teasing and tasting, leaving a trail of kisses in its wake.

You gasp as fingers find that sweet spot between your legs, his touch sending a shiver of pleasure coursing through you. He kisses you deeply, capturing your gasp with his mouth as his fingers move in a slow, deliberate rhythm. He groans into the kiss, feeling the way you respond to his touch, the way your body arches against him.

His finger slides into you, eliciting a moan from you. He begins moving his finger in and out, setting a rhythm that makes your breath come in quick gasps. His eyes are dark and intense, watching your every reaction.

Stephen watches you closely, a satisfied grin on his face as he hears your soft moans. He adds another finger, stretching you slowly, his pace and pressure increasing. He leans in, his breath hot against your ear as he whispers,

“That's it, let me hear you.”

He grins as he feels you nearing the brink of ecstasy, but instead of letting you fall over that precipice, he suddenly stops, pulling his fingers away. You let out a whine of protest, but he captures it with a kiss, his lips claiming yours in a possessive, dominant display.

He catches your hand before it reaches his most sensitive area. He intertwines his fingers with yours, pinning it in place against the couch. His gaze is intense, the look in his eyes commanding.

“No, not yet.”

He hovers over you, his body pressing down on yours, his lips finding your ear as he whispers,

“This is about you.”

You nod with a hint of disappointment but still you couldn't really complain,

“Alright..”

He stands up to pull you up and lead you to the bedroom, he pushes you gently to your back on the bed.

Stephen's eyes roam over you as he stands before you, his gaze molten hot with desire. He strips off his clothes, revealing his toned, lean body. His skin is marked with the faint traces of old injuries and the scars left behind from past battles.

He crawls onto the bed, his body covering yours as he hovers over you, the press of his skin against your making your heart race, your breathing to quicken.

Stephen takes his time as his lips move down your body, leaving a trail of hot, open-moutheds against your skin. You gasp as he licks your clit, the brief moment of pleasure sending a wave of heat through you.

The feel of his tongue on your sensitive flesh, the pressure, the slight bite of his teeth, makes you bite your lip to keep from crying out. Stephen moves his way up your body, his lips leaving hot, wet kisses as he goes. He stops, his lips hovering over yours, his breaths coming in short pants.

His body is a solid weight against you as he positions himself between your legs. He looks down at you, eyes darkened with desire, his breath hot. You feel the press of his length against your entrance, and you shiver in anticipation.

Stephen shudders at the feel of your touch, the gentle caress like a match to the fire that's burning within him. He adjusts his position slightly, pressing the tip of his length against your entrance. His eyes meet yours, his breathing a little ragged as he speaks, his voice rough with lust

"Ready?”

You nod gently and he looks into your eyes, making sure you're okay, and then slowly, carefully, he starts to push himself inside you.

Stephen lets out a low growl as he sinks further into you, your gasp and moans igniting something primal within him. He struggles to control himself, wanting to go slow, to take his time. But the feeling of you around him is making it difficult.

He starts to move, slow and deep, each thrust drawing a moan from your lips. He watches you, every expression, every sound you make, his eyes filled with a mixture of desire and possession. His arms shake as he holds himself above you, the need to take you, to claim you, almost overwhelming him.

The feeling of your hand on his arms, the way you gasp and moan as he moves inside you, drives him wild. He wants to hear more, wants to make you cry out his name. He changes his angle slightly, increasing the pace a little, and the sound that escapes you makes him groan deeply.

Stephen's control snaps at the sound of your small whines and moans. His thrusts becomes deeper, rougher, his pace increasing, his body covering yours completely. He pins your wrists above your head, the gesture dominant, possessive. He growls in your ear.

His grip on your wrists tightens, the feeling of you beneath him making him lose what little control he has left. The sound of your gasps and moans, the way you breath quickens, the way you respond to him drives him wild. He pounds into you harder, deeper.

He keeps up the relentless pace, taking you with a primal need. He can feel you trembling, the way you whine, moan and gasp for breath, and it drives him mad.

“That's it, good girl”

His words sends shivers down your body and he notices the effect his words have on you, the way you shiver. He smirks, his eyes dark and intense as he looks down at you.

“You like that, don't you? You like it when I take control”

His pace increases, his thrusts getting rougher, his grip on your wrists never wavering.

As you whine and moan for him, he moves his other hand down to your abdomen, pressing down hard against the mattress. The pressure makes your body arch up against him, and he lets out a low, guttural growl of approval. His eyes rake over you, taking in the sight of you trembling beneath him, his hand holding you down, and his possessive need for you increases tenfold.

Stephen can feel your body tensing beneath him, signalling that you're close. The way your moans and gasps get louder as he presses your abdomen down, tells him all he needs to know. He grins, his own breathing ragged and ragged with need. He keeps up the pace and pressure, his eyes dark and locked with yours, wanting to push you over the edge.

His eyes narrow at your words, a low, possessive growl rumbling in his chest. You can feel his grip tightening, his hold on you becoming fiercer as he feels your body beginning to come undone.*

“Yes, that's it. Come for me,”

He demands, his voice deep and commanding

Stephen watches as you come undone beneath him, the sound of your long drawn-out moan and the feeling of your entrence twitching, drive him to the edge. He holds on just a little longer, savoring the sight of you quivering and shaking, the sound of your voice saying his name, his own body on the brink of exploding. He gasps, his eyes dark and intense,

“Good girl”

Now he can't hold back any longer. With a final hard thrust, he lets go, his body shuddering and tensing as he spills himself inside you. He groans deeply, his arms giving out as he collapses on top of you. He's panting, his breaths coming in shuddering gasps, his chest heaving with the effort. His body is slick with sweat, and he rolls onto his side, pulling you close against him.

He pulls you against his chest, one arm wrapped around your waist, the other gently tracing lazy patterns on your skin. His breathing is ragged, his heart racing, still reeling from the intensity of their encounter. He buries his face in the crook of your neck, his lips gently brushing against your sensitive skin, placing soft kisses. He says nothing, simply enjoying the feeling of having you in his arms, close to him.

The next morning, you woke up in each other’s arms. The sunlight filtered through the curtains, casting a warm glow over you both. You spent a lazy morning cuddling, showering together, making coffee, and enjoying the simple pleasure of each other’s company.

As he prepared to leave, Stephen kissed you deeply. “I’ll see you soon, Y/N.”

With a smile, you watched him step through a portal, disappearing from view. Your heart was full, knowing that this was just the beginning of something incredible.

Part 2 coming soon!

[fogwitchoftheevermore]

hi beastlife fans i feel like i don't actually do any clear discussion about my character in my videos cause i keep forgetting so here's some stuff i've said in the discord about my guy

on the way he's approaching everyone else's problems this season:

"i said it in the tags but my guy being a reincarnation plays into this attitude really heavily. like my guy has been fishie and kiwi and bree before and it has truly deeply ruined their life. they know now what it's like to be on the opposite side, to be their friends back then, and they said "ok, yeah, i see why they left. i can't keep doing this." but are simultaneously not noticing that yeah, people left them because of the way he acted back then, but when they came back and helped him, talked sense into him that was what helped him. fishie cannot get through this entirely on her own, someone has to talk sense into her here, but space is refusing to be that someone."

[in response to: b!space is setting healthy boundaries about this, to be fair.]

"b!space is setting healthy boundaries but like someone has to do it and i don't know that anyone else has realized they have to. i think also b!space has realized that someone needs to talk that sense into people, but hasn't quite grasped that it probably needs to be multiple someones all getting different parts of it through to the person so they can come to the final conclusion themself. and as such. not helping much"

[slightly later]

"ok actually i wanna elaborate on what i mean when i say that space has been all of these three cause it. it's fun to me

fishie-the self isolation and expecting everyone to read your mind about why you're upset and what you want

bree-obsessing over a past lover who you were separated from under tragic circumstances and making it everyone else around you'd problem. taking out specific feelings about the circumstance on people around you who remind you of the circumstance for reasons entirely out of their control and this being the root of a very close relationship, for better or for worse.

kiwi-so afraid all the time. betrayed all their friends because it felt like the only option. deeply regretted it and died for it but had no idea how to fix the issue.

also i think this is why space is so much more lenient with kiwi (giving him a whole other season) compared to fishie or bree, because the life where he did the shit kiwi did was also his first go at this. i think he's inherently more forgiving towards someone pulling the same shit because of it

doesn't mean he's gonna let kiwi run rampant but like, it sure helped.

(this is also because like. that's partially why i was so forgiving about kiwi, because i have that experience of playing the heel. i made the reincarnation thing canon because these characters effect the way i play b!space so heavily. oak and null have no reason to hold the importance to me they do from day one without this.) i also say that's part of the reason because the other two reasons were strategy (strength in numbers, especially relevant at the end) and kiwibird is my friend and i like hanging out with him

oh this (along with the fact that they weren't entirely in control of themself) is also why my beast was so relatively chill about the amnesia cold and subsequent possession. like beast!space has never actually meant buiche but this is a voice they've heard before, even if buiche doesn't know it, and that matters for something"

[carmenized-onions]

CHAPTER 8 WOOOOH

i ADORE that it’s his pov, let us into your mind pretty boy!! they’re so cute, he’s down bad and i’m obsessed

Adorable in the literal sense!!! = my heart beating faster in the literal sense

GRUMPY CARMY HE’S SO CUTE I CAN NOT EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH

he’s happy about her wearing his jacket :’)))))<3 like ofc he is but the fact that it’s written out clearly is just 💓💓💓

“God, you’re perfect”- i i i i i i i i i i i i *malfunctions*

Carmen likes that idea. Your man. - 🥹🥹🥹 THERE ARE MORE PEOPLE WHO LIKE THAT IDEA 😁💃

You didn’t make it. Therefore, it’s just fine. - BEIDKFKRIENEDODN???? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SURVIVE THIS

Un-special. - NOOOO BABYBOY ILL CRY

You grin, he has no come back for this, you’re perfect - 💓💓💓

He wants to be your man. He wants to have been your man. If he had been, for the past three years, you would probably be talking about moving in together, by now. - i’m gonna sob now, probably for a good amount of time tbh

He misses the fact that you usually share utensils, since you’re always trying something. But he’ll survive. - THEY SHARE SIDNFIFNFIFKF COUPLE *WHO ARE NOT OFFICIALLY A COUPLE* GOALS

So good. You’re so good - ✨🦋✨🦋✨

Like Mikey did, though, not in the same way, obviously. - CACKLE. I CANT EVEN

Carmy does have to give you hints, but he prefers it that way, prefers to be needed by you for a change - 🥺🥺🥺 they’re so wholesome i<3

but maybe on the underside? Only you and him would know it's there. - PLS LET THAT HAPPEN BUT IT’S CARMY WHO DOES IT 🥺🙏🏼🫶🏼 am i being bold coming with requests/hopes? absolutely yes but also you kinda set this up so i’ll blame you actually~

Name it. Name anything. He’ll give you anything. -😭😭😭 HE IS PERFECT

the quick kiss before work - THESE TWO ARE MY FAVOURITES EVER

cara mia - 🥹🥹🥹 yeah that’s just yeah :’)))))))<3<3

Pretty boy OPEN UP!!!! It was very fun, writing his POV, and a fun challenge, to be like-- Well, okay, what would he think about this?

I FUCKIN LOVE thinking about words a little more intensely, like adorable, like, bro the etymology behind it is being worthy of divine worship-- It's so deep. It actually is that deep, if u think about it. No i'm not fucking delusional YOU SHUT UP!!!

Grump carm is fun, i was equally as grumpy to leave that scene, honestly, as a breakfast lover. I've curated the perfect breakfast for people when they sleep over. If that was ruined for me and also I woke up to a phone call, i'd have a straight up meltdown. But also he's just a clingy sonofabitch so wear his jacket and suddenly everything's right as rain.

So many down bad lines we can hardly summarize em all!!! But the your man spiel in particular holds a place in my heart and also breaks it. (Also his whole coffee thing. Mf is not over the one time Tony made coffee and a peach wine)

As does the everything about him feeling un-special. I only know of one D20 watcher in my following, but if they're reading this, I was vv much going for a Kingston Brown/Liz Herrera relationship. Hard to feel special, when you're dating a hero.

YKNOW WHATS FUNNY, NO ONE HAS EVER NOTED IT, BUT I HAVE ALWAYS WRITTEN THEM TRADING SPOONS/FORKS WHEN SHE TRIES SOMETHING, AND NO ONE HAS EVER NOTED IT UNTIL I MADE IT SO CLEAR HE DOES IT ON PURPOSE LMAOOOO

"Like Mikey did, though, not in the same way, obviously. - CACKLE. I CANT EVEN" listen, i didn't know how else to make it clear that he does not think tony is actually his brother and also simultaneously does NOTT feel a type of way about his brother. But like . Yknow. SAFETY IN A PERSON OR WHATEVER OKAY!!!! SHUT UP!!!!!! jkjkjk.

As for underneath the table request, i plead the fifth. I don't know what the fifth is. But as for Cara mia-- I doubt this mf will ever say it again, but he definitely felt like he was getting his heritage challenged in that diner and he had to claim it for himself before The Actual Tony could. He's gotta have SOMETHING original in this bitch.

Anyways, anyways, I wrote like 1200 words of beats for the chapter after the next chapter, so here's a poorly cropped snippet from that to avoid spoils, because idk, maybe you like rough rough drafts. It's really honestly just the place i write jokes that will not make it into the final to make me laugh.

sommefuckingbitch indeed

ALSO FUCKING POPPING YOUR OTHER ASK IN HERE SO I DON'T DEMOLISH PEOPLE'S HOME PAGE LMAO <3

YEAH!! yeah to all those things. But listen, if it wasn't in-between the lines clear enough, of course carmy is wondering about that first point, too, so it'll be made very clear what the FUCK happened dontchu worry your lil head. Your lil hair washed possibly moaning head.

[acourtofthought]

i don't wanna start anything really, just have to get this off my chest, but i don't get the hype for azriel. he creeped me out when i read the books (like i get that mor isn't being forward with him, but to get to tge point in which cassian has to act as a buffer between them?? when they're all supposed to be this super close family dynamic friend group? it just made me feel uncomfortable. plus, that bonus chapter makes things even worse. he comes off as entitled and even a bit possessive, as if he is owed a mating bond/relationship with elain. and the fierceness with which he gets attatched to these two women, in short period of times developing what seems more of an obsession than a crush... just weird for me)

this is not a critique of anyone who finds him likeable, hot and all the other adjectives, btw. i would actually love to get the hype lol...

I think it's easy enough to pick out Az's good qualities and see exactly why people like him but I agree, I don't understand where people are feral for him.

I realize we all like different things but it's still difficult for me to fully grasp it.

I.E., I realize that some women are really attracted to strange men in prison. They're not wrong for their attraction, their attraction to those men doesn't effect my life therefore it's not my business. However it's still confusing to me how that attraction comes about.

The Az thing isn't quite that extreme 😂 and I realize that as a SJM future MMC, we're all supposed to eventually be into him (that's usually the point of a romance author writing about a specific guy).

So maybe it's more of a I don't understand why people are feral over him right now.

First off, I'm not sure exactly what the Az at the end of his journey is going to look like. I really have no idea how dark Az actually is or how much of his personality will remain broody and closed off. Does he like torturing people? Does he feel bad over it? Is he always going to argue against Rhys and Feyre's orders? Is he going to start being nice to people outside the IC? Are we going to see a 90 degree turn around of his character? 45 degree?

Second, a very large portion of Az's character right now is obsession over females in a really unhealthy way. Which can sometimes be thrilling in certain romances (dark romance / mafia romance) but that's not the kind of author SJM is and because of that, it's difficult for me not to recognize his behavior as a red flag in this specific series. Also, it's not sexy considering he's acting like this over two females at the same time. The best thing about the obsessive male trope in dark romances is that he's fixated on one person.

Az as an individual is a cool character.

Az as a love interest is (right now) awful to me. If I was Elain or Gwyn, I would not find him appealing if I had a front row seat to his simultaneous thoughts on Mor and his thoughts on Elain.

Try it, pretend you're Gwyn right now and have a crush on Az. But then imagine that you hear how he yearns for Mor while simultaneously jerking off to Elain's headache powder and flippantly talking about killing an ally because that ally got a bond with the third sister while his brothers are with the other two.

Now pretend you're Elain with a crush on Az. Not only are you hearing the way he talks about you to Rhys but you hear how he can't confirm being over Mor and you see him being amused by Gwyn, having admiration for Gwyn and feeling happy over the thought of her happiness.

No matter what thought Az is currently having for any one female, it's tainted by the thoughts he's having for the other two. Even though he wants to kiss Elain, he's still happier around Gwyn and not over Mor. Even though he seems amused by Gwyn and shows admiration for her, he's still got thoughts of Mor (love) and Elain (sexual) running through his mind.

It ruins the romance for me and that is why it's so difficult for me to understand the Az hype at this moment.

[mod2amaryllis]

Lots of people are coming out with their best shows/movies/anime etc. of the year, and since you have such impeccable taste I'd love to hear yours! Only if it's okay ofc! Have a wonderful rest of 2022 and great 2023!

ok this is the only end of year reflection i have the capacity to do tonight, lemme thiiink ummm it was a big year for things tbh!!! I'll just ramble i guess, first up...

TV SHOWS

SEVERANCE: possibly the best first season of a show I've ever seen, and absolutely the best s1 finale of a show I've ever seen, huge ups to @tricktster for recommending it. you've probably heard it a million times but if you haven't, GO WATCH SEVERANCE, it lives up to the hype.

THE REHEARSAL: the magic trick that this show pulls is so bizarre and unprecedented it's like. impossible for me to even talk about. the entire time watching it i was gaping at my tv in open disbelief. it does and says so much in the wildest ways possible I'm still obsessed.

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS S4: three words, Baby Colin Robinson

ANDOR: I'm not a star wars guy at allll. not even a little bit. my expectations have never been high. but when i saw @variastrix loving it up on my dash i was like okaaay and holy shit. SO good. the prison arc especially was just like OUUUGHH THEMES AND DIALOGUE OFF THE CHARTS!!!

ANIME

SPY X FAMILY: what's especially fun is that we were in Japan while the second part of the season was dropping and Anya was fucking eeeeverywhere!!! everyone agrees with me cannot get ENOUGH of that funny little girl!!! best execution of fake dating trope everr the more convoluted the better.

MOB PSYCHO 100 III: ......like. c'mon what is there to even say. what's there to saaaaay! it's in my top 3 anime ever! the subversion of shonen anime has basically ruined all other stereotypical anime for me forever because it's just. so much better. so much funnier and more poignant to watch the most powerful boy ever strive to be a better person. i love that little guy and his silly conman role model

MOVIES

EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE: i feel the same way about this movie as anyone else. saw the trailer, hooked instantly, then when i actually watched it i walked out going "this is the greatest movie I've ever seen??????" insanely shot, cast incredible, the whole premise simultaneously huge as a multiverse and small as an immigrant couple in a laundromat. this movie defined my cosmic outlook on life. that nothing matters, so we should make the most out of what and who we love. in any other year this would've been my far and away fave. but then came:

NOPE: you guys follow me. you've heard it already. this movie ..... this..... FUCKING MOVIE.... haunted me from the moment i saw that chimp covered in blood. it scared me so bad i wasn't even sure if i liked it but then i thought and kept thinking AND I THOUGHT AND KEPT THINKING AND I HAVEN'T STOPPED THINKING this movie this god damn movie. it's a social commentary, it's a blockbuster popcorn hit, it's about animals, it's about people, it's a creature feature, it's funny, it's glorious to look at it's glorious and i love it so so much. Jean jacket really is a beautiful name for a baby girl.

GAMES:

VAMPIRE SURVIVORS: this game is like if you broke gaming down to it's purest chemical form and injected it directly into your bloodstream. it's a game that might be perfect in its simplicity. it's also really funny that i can be a stinky old garlic man, i like that a lot. it's free on mobile what are you waiting for.

HORIZON FORBIDDEN WEST: i feel so fucking bad for this series not once, but TWICE releasing at the same time as two of the greatest games literally ever made (i still have to beat elden ring oops) because i love these games SO MUCH! they scratch a very particular itch for me which is plenty of upgradable weapons/armor for me to chase, incredibly in depth lore, and post apocalyptic robot dinosaurs. literally no notes. i love games like this that're like "we know what you want. you want to kill a spinosaurus with a bow and arrow and afterwards treat yourself to some incredible American vistas, here, take it, enjoy." it's an incredibly Me game. probably my goty if measured by how much fun i had playing it.

ALBUMS:

BRONCO BY ORVILLE PECK: the biggie. life changer. this beat out pony for me. makes me wanna be a lonesome cowboy in the Rockies so fucking bad i can taste it. like....im already thiiiis close to being a lonesome cowboy in the Rockies and when i listen to curse of the blackened eye on my morning walk, looking at the snow capped mountains, I'm there. I'm a cowboy baby. also saw him live and sobbed he's insane, the talent, he's just showing off he's nuts.

LAST NIGHT IN THE BITTERSWEET BY PAOLO NUTINI: through the echoes specifically. came up randomly in a mixed playlist and swiveled my head so fucking fast. one of my favorite artist finds of the year.

NOPE OST BY MICHAEL ABELS: that's right bitch nope gets featured TWICE, idc!!!

DANCE FEVER BY FLORENCE + THE MACHINE: this is the album to finally get me into Florence + the machine, before i was just into the hits but this album.... King? FREE???? DAFFODIL???????? good god welch

THINGS IN GENERAL

mfucking!!!!!!!!!

FISH!!!!!!!!!! 🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟💙💙💙💙✌️✌️✌️🥰🥰🥰🥰🐠🐠🐠🐟🐠🐟🐠🐟🐠🐟🐠🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡🦈🦈🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

I think I’ve mentioned how when my dad left my mum for this woman he was having an affair with (I think I was about 15 I can’t remember exactly lol)

She ended up having a massive MS attack from the stress and was bed bound for a while. So I was doing most of the cooking and cleaning and like getting my siblings ready. I also became the person my Mum confided in because she didn’t really have anyone else.

One night she was really upset and going on about how she wanted to get back at my dad and that she knew something that would completely ruin him. THEN she told me for the first 10 years of their marriage he had been cheating on her with men sexually.

So that whole thing made heaps of thoughts go through my brain.

The first I’m embarrassed to admit was: is it weird if I still read gay stuff now. I probably can’t now.

The second one , after talking with her a bit more, was she didn’t emotionally value gay relationships as much as straight relationships because she was more upset about this woman and then all those men and that he “only did it for sexual relief”.

And that not being straight was a dirty secret that could ruin people.

At this time I was very heavily learning about myself that I wasn’t straight. I hadn’t told anyone. And I didn’t have the words to describe what I was yet. I just knew I wasn’t straight. And I knew in that moment I couldn’t tell anyone because suddenly I was in the same category as a mass cheater who made my mum have an MS attack and that my feelings were inherently not as Meaning as straight people and only a sexual relief.

I did end up coming out around that age though because I just broke down one day and my mum asked me the “is there anything you want to tell me about yourself” aka are you gay question lol.

And then after that I was still finding lots of my dad’s p0rn , especially lesbian ones, he told me that he wasn’t actually into men it’s just because he met the wrong people - and again my head was full of me being bad for being this way. That it wasn’t a real thing. Just a sexual thing to be kept hidden. That only happens when you fall into the wrong crowds.

I started getting sick at the thought of people thinking of me in those situations. So I called myself asexual. I would drill into everyone I didn’t want sex. I wasn’t like that. It also helped me hold onto the illusion I could be with a man. I would tell people I was romantically into men and women while shoving down those sexual feelings of women and pretending they weren’t there. I was obsessed with being seen as innocent and pure and holding onto to a type of naivety that I think I felt I had been robbed of. I would pretend to not get sexual jokes. I would push down my feelings. Pretend to not understand relationships.

And then I joined an lgbt youth group. And almost all the people there would talk badly about lesbians. Call them names. Say they were bad people.

And it felt like again the world was confirming my fear that who I was was a bad person. That my sexuality was something wrong. So I shoved it down even further. Trying to convince myself by any means necessary that I wasn’t a lesbian. Like maybe if I like anime I can like men. If my favourite character is a man then surely I can fall for men.

Then I became friends with this one guy. I KNEW I just knew fully in my heart if I were to be ever be attracted to a man it would have been him. And yet I wasn’t. I told him I thought I was gay so I couldn’t be with him. But that I really wanted to be his friend. And after that he would just continue to ask me out and tell me how sad he was. So again, it felt like the world was telling me that my sexuality made me a bad person.

I kept pushing it down. But I would always talk about being attracted to women. I simultaneously made being attracted to women my personality, while always adding the footnote that it absolutely wasn’t sexual.

I was about 18 or 19 when I cracked though. I fully snapped. I lost most of my friends. I couldn’t handle the homophobia I’d surrounded myself with. I couldn’t handle being treated like a bad person for my sexuality. I couldn’t handle being debated. So o snapped. I was very angry during those times. It honestly feels like looking back on someone that wasn’t me. I couldn’t get rid of one friend though, I felt I didn’t want to through it away, but there feels like a permanent wall now because I know she’s not okay with my sexuality. She shut me down when I talked about what I gone through. So she feels there but not there too.

And I can’t help but feel like my lesbianism has lead me to a life of a loneliness. I’m both so upset at my sexuality yet so defensive of it. If anyone says anything I normally jump at them. I shut them down. I call out there homophobia. But at the same time it breaks me down.

I still hold onto that idea that I’m a bad person for being a lesbian. And it seems to doesn’t matter where I go there is a debate going on if lesbians are actually bad or not. You go into straight circles and they don’t get it and think it’s okay to have a think piece discussion on my personhood. And I just have to accept it as their opinion. I go to lgbt events and those discussions are back again - but they are using more buzzwords.

I look towards my dad and I see a man who hates himself and hates me. I know every times he says something homophobic to me he’s saying it to himself as well. And I don’t know how to feel about it.

I look towards my mum and see someone who says she accepts me and shoots my dad down anytime he says something homophobic, but I can also see the unease and discomfort in her eyes when I talk about it. I see her complacency for homophobia as long as it’s coming from her friends or family. I see how she doesn’t view my personhood as the same as my sister simply because I have no hope of finding men attractive. That I’m less then. That my feelings are not worth as much.

And I look at how lonely I am. How single I am. How I don’t fit in with other lgbt people around me and it’s so hard not to feel as though there really is something wrong with my sexuality and that maybe this is a punishment for something.

[veronicasanders]

Horror movie time! Do you like them? Are you a thriller person or a gore person? Any favorite villain? What horror movie do you think is over hyped? What horror movie do you like the most? How do you feel about jumpscares? Twist endings? If you're not a horror movie fan, just talk to me about your favorite Halloween movies :)

Hello!! 😱😱 

I’m not a horror movie person in general, mostly because I think I don't really get scared. But I do have some horror/thriller movies that I love because I just feel like they transcend the genre: (list after the jump)

Here's the list in no particular order. IMPORTANT NOTE: I  am always referring to the originals, unless noted. Lol

Rosemary’s Baby

Get Out

The Shining

The Exorcist

Carrie

Misery

Poison Ivy (this one is kind of terrible but also amazing)

Cube

Village of the Damned and The Bad Seed (both super old and campy, and maybe that’s why I like them)

Psychological thrillers are way more interesting to me than gore/slasher flicks. Jumpscares do nothing for me. Twist endings are cool with 2 caveats:

The movie has to be good without it, so that if you know the twist ahead of time or figure it out, it doesn’t ruin the entire thing (I’M LOOKING AT YOU, M. NIGHT!!!)

It shouldn't be predictable

Overrated:

Halloween - My brother INSISTED that it was objectively good and totally transcended the genre, like the ones above. He was WRONG. Terrible fucking acting, including from Ms. Jamie Lee - who I generally find to be a great actor, so maybe it was really just terrible directing.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre - I have never been simultaneously BORED and ANNOYED the way this movie made me, so I guess that's an accomplishment. But honestly, I think the entire last HALF of this movie is that one bitch shrieking at the top of her lungs. And me just sitting there going "kill her, kill her, kill her..."

Paranormal Activity - Boring. I saw it (honestly maybe not the first one?) in the theatre with my friend, and the only entertaining part was these two girls near us who kept screaming and yelling at the screen. Which was really bothering my friend. Needless to say, I ditched him to have drinks with those girls after.

The Blair Witch Project - Probably no one cares anymore but when this came out, everyone I knew was OBSESSED and I lost interest like 10 minutes in. GET A TRIPOD, LADS.

The Sixth Sense - Knew he was dead in the first scene, after that it was super unimpressive.

Scream - Meh. Not funny enough to be a comedy or good enough to take seriously.

Other favorite Halloween movies which I will happily watch all year round:

The Craft

Death Becomes Her

The Addams Family and The Addams Family Values

Little Shop of Horrors

Edward Scissorhands

Witches of Eastwick

Beetlejuice

Practical Magic

Rocky Horror Picture Show

Ghostbusters (I’m partial to the remake here)

The Witches

E.T. (okay it may be a stretch to call it a Halloween movie but there is hilarious Halloween content)

Mermaids (same, not really a Halloween movie but like...it's so fucking good and the Halloween scenes are very memorable)

Any Halloween episode of 'Roseanne'

[euargh]

I posted 576 times in 2022

That's 576 more posts than 2021!

157 posts created (27%)

419 posts reblogged (73%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@/ chuchuinwonderland

@/ veele70

@/ im-being-held-hostage

@/ firecooking

@/shinekittenace (SORRY, I'M REALLY SHY AND DON'T WANT TO ACCIDENTALLY ANNOY ANYONE. -SOBS.-)

I tagged 555 of my posts in 2022

Only 4% of my posts had no tags

#lmao - 167 posts

#spamton - 166 posts

#deltarune - 54 posts

#same - 44 posts

#me - 40 posts

#blogging - 36 posts

#garfield - 35 posts

#vent - 28 posts

#mood - 24 posts

#idk - 22 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#lmao no really he did literally wake up screaming and it freaked me out but he saw and experienced in his nightmare the hells i endured

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

had a rough past two three years, but I think I will try to maybe return back into the internet world and try to revive this account because I want to be part of a fandom and community again. I’ve become reclusive but the Spamton fandom makes me want to crawl out of hiding to join in. I have no idea who I am following or who is following me, sorry. but uh hi there. also I forgot how to use this place but I shall learn (I want to make my layout Spamton themed.)

edit: my carrd https://segstuff.carrd.co/ and discord info: https://euargh.tumblr.com/post/702133847753736192/heres-my-discord-superevilgenius5125-feel-free art tumblr: https://segdraws.tumblr.com/

8 notes - Posted September 17, 2022

#4

Sorry for not posting this earlier. I ended up having to simultaneously cook/clean for the entire day and then got angry at myself for not making this quick video sooner. I hate that my bank account only has four dollars in it. If I knew a Jevil plush was going to happen, I would have saved up for it like I did the Spamton plush. B’) Oh well.

10 notes - Posted November 23, 2022

#3

My dad: [unclear] called me a big shot! Here’s your package.

Me: WHAT THE MAIL PERSON GETS THE JOKE AND OPENLY SAID IT AFTER RECOGNIZING THE PACKAGE’s RETURN ADDRESS?!

Dad: no, I said your package called me a big shot.

Me: oh

I saved for months and had finally enough money just in time to order SPAMTON on its release day! HE IS HERE!

13 notes - Posted September 24, 2022

#2

story time:

so today I woke up after hearing loud electrical buzzing outside. It was freaky and sounded like something getting electrocuted. Suddenly BOOM the power went out. I sat up. The power returned then flickered again before shutting off. Again it happened, then finally stayed off for a few hours. It made me finally realize how horrible it must have been when my family was without power for two weeks during the Texas shutdown back in February 2021. I wasn’t here when it happened but lmao I like thinking that because I am back and here to stay it won’t happen again. (LIKE, I’M GONE FOR SIX MONTHS AND EVERYTHING FALLS APART, GOES TO HELL, AND DIES. Typical. There were so many dead trees and things and everything was in ruins when I had returned and other bad things. Jeez, fml. but... I guess maybe that means I am actually important? idk I just try to find stupid little things to give me reason to continue living instead of the “end it” dark thoughts solution that creeps up on me.) Anyways back on topic. I was irritated at being in the dark but I remembered  my Garfield lamp and used it!

I currently obsess over Garfield, Spamton, and Inside Job. Secondary obsessions, Peeps chicks, Pokemon cards. It’s hard remaining interested in things so I force myself to obsess over things to “stay” and pretend there’s meaning. I was originally going to film something and shower today but it was dark and becoming cold in the house and I changed my mind. (58F and dropping. Currently it’s 45F down here.) Then the power finally returned, but then every single hour it would shut off again. I suppose it was due to the wind outside being cold and heavy. This tropical region can’t handle the cold. Anyways, I think the power is finally stable. dunno, just wanted to log down a diary entry. hi

16 notes - Posted November 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

oh man people keep thinking Jevil sold out faster than Spamton because he’s popular, (which yessss he’s awesome) but REALLY Fangamer stated themselves that it takes a couple months to make a bunch of plushes and most likely after the Spamton plush was released, there was a HUGE demand for Jevil plushes to which they went to work on that. (As in the Spamton plush was announced on 4/20, then it was released many months later in September! whereas the Jevil  plush only had a few months to be worked on (September to November) and they weren’t sure how good the sales would be and decided to test before creating a whole load of them like the Spamton plush, to which it was successful and now they will make a whole load of them. AND I TOO REALLY WANT ONE,

29 notes - Posted November 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[jinkoh]

Pentagon Scenarios - When they're jealous

Maknae Line | >Middle Line | Hyung Line

SFW; Warnings: none; gender-neutral reader

Masterlist

Shinwon

Recently, you’d been obsessed with some actor, watching his whole filmography and not missing a single interview of his.

It’d started out innocently enough – you’d seen his picture, tall and handsome, in some magazine.

“He’s really gorgeous,” you’d absentmindedly stated, causing Shinwon to look up from his game and throwing a brief look at the open page.

“A feast for the eyes,” he’d said. “Obviously can’t compare to me, though.”

You’d chuckled and jabbed him in the ribs playfully. “Obviously.”

And that’d been the end of it, or so Shinwon had thought. In reality, it’d only been the beginning.

You’d looked up the actor’s interviews after that; binge watched his dramas and movies. You were so immersed with that guy, Shinwon had briefly considered to talk to his manager about pursuing acting himself. After a little bit of consideration though, he’d come to the conclusion, that it wasn’t really what he wanted – he much preferred the schedules with the members or doing his radio show.

Still, that actor and your obsession with the same bugged Shinwon a little. Shinwon was tall and handsome too and most importantly he was actually there and not just behind a screen.

When he came home one night, feeling especially tired after his radio show, he found you on the couch, fully absorbed in some drama. Shinwon considered to watch a little with you – until his arch enemy appeared on screen.

“Nooooo,” he whined, throwing himself on top of you like a giant blanket, simultaneously blocking your view. “Let’s watch something eeeeelse.”

You laughed at your boyfriend’s antics. “Why?”

Instead of a proper reply, he just made whiny noises and wiggled around like a pouty toddler.

“C’mon, it’s a really good show, I promise. We can start from the beginning, so you get the story.”

“Noooooo.”

“Why?”

He tugged his face into the crook of your neck. “I don’t like him.”

You laughed, wrapping your arms around your big baby of a boyfriend. “Are you jealous because I like that actor?”

“Jealousy is not a concept known to me.”

“Sure, baby, sure.”  You tried to reach for the remote on the coffee table – to no avail. “You gotta get off me though, so I can turn it off.”

“Mmh-mmh,” he grumbled and shook his head. “Comfy.”

“You’re hopeless,” you said, indulging him anyway, letting the drama run on in the background without paying it any mind.

Changgu

Changgu was really happy for you, when you’d told him that you’d booked a small vacation with your best friend. You didn’t get to see them that often, so it was nice, that you got to spend some time together.

After you left, he found himself checking your Instagram a lot, excited to see all the places you and your friend were visiting, excited to see you smiling and having fun in the pictures.

But as time went by, his excitement slowly started turning into something else. A week was a lot longer than he’d thought and he he’d already missed you on day one. Even though he wanted to be happy for you, he couldn’t help feeling a little jealous of your friend, wishing he’d be the one spending time with you and making you smile.

Enduring the remaining time until your return felt rough. He didn’t let it show, though. He didn’t send you whiny texts or called you every night – this was your well-deserved vacation, and he wasn’t going to ruin it by making you worry about him. He pressed “like” on the pictures you posted, he replied full of curiosity when you texted him to tell him about your day and he picked the phone up with a smile when you called him.

Whenever it felt particularly hard he just took a deep breath and told himself he could endure this. Just fours more days, just three, just two, just one.

When it was finally time for you to come home he was happy and relieved to get you back. He’d offered to pick you up from the station, but you’d insisted that you’d drive with your friend. So, all he could do was sit at home, order your favorite food for dinner and wait for you to come back.

He almost jumped out of his seat when he finally heard the clattering of your keys at the door. Changgu didn’t even wait for you to come in, he hugged your right there on the doorstep, as if he hadn’t seen you in months (to be fair – it did feel that long).

Caught by surprise, you dropped your keys, but neither of you paid it any mind. You hugged him back, softly running your hands over his back.

“Did you have a good time?” Changgu asked, still not letting go of you.

“Yeah, I did. Let’s go inside first?”

“Mhm,” he replied, but didn’t budge one inch.

“Changgu?”

With a sigh he let go, picking up your keys and your suitcase and moving them into your shared flat. You followed after him, making a small detour to the bathroom to wash your hands.

Changgu brought the suitcase into the bedroom and then settled on the couch, waiting for you.

“It smells good,” you said as you walked out of bathroom.

“Mhm, I ordered food.”

“Oh, god, amazing, I’m starving.” You started making your way to the kitchen.

Changgu watched you with a pout. “We can eat a little later.”

“What’s wrong?”

Still pouting, he opened his arms, a silent request for cuddles. “Didn’t you miss me?”

“Of course, I missed you.” You sighed fondly, walking over and snuggling into his arms.

Contentedly, he held you in his arms until the growling of your stomach made him take pity on you. On condition that he’d get more cuddles later that night, he let you go so both of you could finally have dinner.

Yanan

This whole gala thing wasn’t half as fun as he’d expected. Especially not now, when you were standing across the hall from him, talking to that photographer you’d been dying to meet, while he was sitting at the bar, nursing his drink and throwing longing glances at you.

“You know you can go over and talk to them, right?” Hyunggu grinned. “You're dating.”

“I know,” Yanan supplied with a pout. “But y/n could also come over here instead. I’m their boyfriend.”

Hyunggu just laughed at that,  finding entertainment in his hyung’s cute behavior.

Yanan wasn’t quite as amused, scenarios of him walking over to you and taking you back home with him running through his head. He didn’t. Instead, he stayed at the bar, only half-listening to the conversations of his friends and simply nodding along in confusion when they addressed him.

Of course, he was happy for you, that you finally got to meet someone you’d been looking up to for a long time. He didn’t want to ruin this for you either. But seeing your happy smile from afar made him wish you were smiling at him instead.

After what felt like an eternity, the guests of the gala already beginning to thin out, you came back to the bar, standing close to your boyfriend who was still wearing a pout.

“At last they have returned,” Changgu announced solemnly, a laugh in his eyes.

“C’mon, I wasn’t gone for that long.”

“Long enough,” Yanan mumbled under his breath.

“Don’t be like that, love.”

Hyunggu looked at the two of you for a second, before grinning knowingly. “Guess that’s our sign to leave.”

“Get home safely.” Changgu gave you a small wave before he followed behind Hyunggu.

“Thanks, Changgu, you too.” You watched them leave before turning back to your boyfriend. “Should we go home?”

The car ride was quiet, Yanan sulking on the passenger seat, focusing his gaze on the streetlights, the dashboard, his hands – anything, but you. He knew he didn’t have a right to be angry, but somehow he still was.

“Yanan, please tell me what’s wrong already,” you pried as you came to a halt at a red light.

“Nothing.”

“Please?”

Yanan shrugged, still not looking at you.

“Pleaaase?”

“Youdidn’thavetolookthathappy,” he mumbled, feeling his face flushing red.

The traffic light turned green, and you started the car again. “What?”

“You didn’t have to look that happy talking to him,” he repeated, a little more clearly. Then, almost inaudibly: “You left me all alone…”

You couldn’t help the chuckle that wanted to escape your lips. “You weren’t alone, the boys were there too?”

“That’s not the same. I didn’t want to spend the evening with the boys.” He paused. “I wanted to spend it with you.”

“I’m sorry, I just got so excited talking to him. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

“How?” He finally looked over to you, though the pout was still prominent on his face.

“I’ll buy chocolate for you?” You briefly glanced at him, before focusing your attention on the road again.

“Hm.”

“Or we could re-watch My Love from the Star when we get home?”

“Hm.”

“Cuddles?”

Yanan eyed you for a moment, thinking about your offer, but he wasn’t quite satisfied yet. “….Hm.”

You sighed fondly. “All three?”

At last, a small smile spread on Yanan’s face.

“All three.”

Masterlist

[storytime-reviews]

Do Revenge Movie Review

A dethroned queen bee at a posh private high school strikes a secret deal with an unassuming new student to exact revenge on each other's enemies. 

It’s actually somewhat difficult sitting down to write a review about this film, because I loved everything about it and want to just shout it from the rooftops. You could say I am obsessed.

Do Revenge is interesting because it’s a dark teen comedy, yet full of pastel aesthetics. It looks absolutely gorgeous, the costumes are amazing (albeit very wacky and not at all like anything anyone I know would ever wear) and the song choices fit perfectly in each scene. All in all, this film is really just a vibe, and I enjoyed myself from beginning to end. Is it often crazy and over the top? Yes. But Do Revenge works precisely because it simultaneously doesn’t take it itself too seriously, yet is a well crafted and thought through narrative.

This review contains some spoilers

Drea (Camila Mendes) finds herself slipping down the social ladder at school when her boyfriend leaks a private video she made for him. With no one to turn to for support when her friends turn their backs on her, she finds herself becoming friends with the new girl, Eleanor (Maya Hawke). Eleanor is desperate to get revenge on the girl who outed her and labeled her a predator when they were young. The two girls form an unlikely friendship behind the scenes, in an attempt to exact revenge for each other. Of course shenanigans follow, and their plans inevitably go off the rails.

Camila Mendes and Maya Hawke have so much chemistry; whether you see their characters as platonic or romantic soulmates, there is clearly a deep connection between them. I love how over-dramatised so much of this narrative is, yet it’s also grounded in the slowly developing friendship between the two girls. I just absolutely loved watching these two girls protect each other and go absolutely feral in order to exact revenge, there was nothing more entertaining than watching them scheming and putting their plans into action.

I loved all of the sly looks at each other as they continued to pretend they barely knew each other, and the ways in which they would comfort each other. Their dynamic works so well because they are both so messed up, they don’t even care about all of the collateral damage in their attempts to destroy their enemies. Yes, their dynamic is fucked up, and yes so are their actions towards others, and yet you cannot help not only completely sympathise with them, but also feel the need to encourage them to be worse, to do worse. Even when they fuck each other over, you know that they deserve to be together, that this is where the narrative needs to end, and you cannot help but be glad they got the story right.

I honestly did not see that plot twist coming, but it made complete sense. From the beginning, if you look carefully, Eleanor’s true character is foreshadowed. The very day the film came out I already saw multiple gifsets putting it all together. When Drea says, ‘I like you Eleanor, you’re just like me’ she didn’t realise how right she was. Then there’s the fact that Drea says narcissists don’t realise they’re being played, which Eleanor throws back in her face once she realises the truth.

Yet, at the same time, they both acknowledge that they felt their happiest when with each other. Neither of them felt good with their attempts to destroy the other. They really are fucked up soulmates. And that’s what makes their dynamic so enjoyable. They are so similar, so messed up in the same way, that it is a true joy to watch them together. There’s no one-sided toxic angle to this relationship. I kind of love how full circle it is, that Drea betrays and ruins Eleanor when they are young, and therefore influences who she becomes.

You have to commend the writers and directors for putting together a cohesive, enjoyable revenge plot, whilst at the same time creating this really messed up dynamic that works so brilliantly. They both hurt each other so deeply, they hate each other but are also best friends. They ruined each other’s lives, but they only feel happy around each other. They don’t want to hurt each other anymore.

Do Revenge works from beginning to end because it’s a carefully constructed film wherein the plot points and twists make sense, and the characters have so much chemistry. It’s just so much fun to watch them destroy lives together. That’s why it’s such a good film, it’s consistently fun, consistently good, without being too serious. And it’s definitely worth a re-watch.

[krizaland]

ok but. zib, pilot dib, and normal dib x reader. bonus points if zim has feelings for y/n

YES! I LOVE THIS IDEA SO MUCH?

Also thank you so much for waiting all this time.

The only thing is, I felt like it was too many Dibs at the time when I started writing this, thus this is more of a Pilot Dib vs Zib fic. I hope you don’t mind!

Be warned: This fic deals with obsessive behaviors, mentions of death, and grotesque depictions of allergies.

Also I got waay too carried away with this fic so there’s probably gonna be more than one chapter lol.

It all happened in the blink of an eye. One minute, Zib was just minutes away from taking down the first of many Irken Empires, the next his world went dark and he awoke in a new yet oddly familiar place.

This new place seemed just like his old dimension before it had been destroyed.

Same yellowed sky. Same polluted rain.  Even the technology seemed the same.

Zib felt what was left of his shriveled heart sink.

Everywhere he turned he was reminded of the world he had once destroyed.

The guilt swallowed him like a black hole!  

Zib found himself wishing he had just died instead of ending up in this bitter memory of the past.

He sunk to the ground and buried his face in his knees.

Just as he was about to burst  into tears, a familiar voice ring out

“Hey....Are you ok?”

Zib’s eyes widened as his head jerked up.

Staring down at him was another Dib!

Both Zib and Dib gasped simultaneously.

“Wait! Another Dib?!”

Dib’s eyes lit up!

“This is amazing! I- Wait! You’re not one of Zim’s experiments sent to trick me are you?”

Zib blinked in shock before announcing,

“Of course not! Zim ruined my life! I cant stand being in the same room as a Zim let alone working for one!”

“Oh really? Then tell me, other Dib, if that’s what you actually are, What are you doing in this  dimension huh? What happened to yours?” Dib pressed as he glared down at his counterpart.

Zib went quiet for a moment before muttering under his breath

“My Zim destroyed it.”

“What? Sorry I didn’t quite catch that.”

“My Zim destroyed it ok?! He destroyed my home, chased my dad off a cliff, and stuck this stupid PAK to my head!”

While he was indeed spewing lies, Zib couldn’t help but feel like there was some truth to his rant.

After all, Zib was certain that he wouldn’t have snapped if  Zim hadn’t invaded his life.

Dib hummed as his eyes narrowed.

Zib started to sweat a bit as his counterpart stared him down for a moment.

“Makes sense to me!” Dib chirped as his face perked back up.

Zib let out a sigh of relief as Dib continued,

“I’m guessing when your dimension was destroyed, the fallout must have sent you to this one!”

“Sure. Let’s go with that.” Zib grumbled impatiently.

“Well I’m sorry for your loss and all but perhaps you were sent here for a reason?”

“Oh really?”

“Yes, really! You were sent here to help me take down my world’s Zim!” Dib announced dramatically as he pointed to Zib.

“I’m pretty sure that’s not it but I’m still pretty bitter about all the drama that my Zim put me through. So I don’t mind lending one of my ingenious helping hands.” Zib boasted as he rose to his feet.

“So you’re really going to help me?!”

Zib nodded and examined his claws.

Dib’s signature unnerving grin nearly split his face in half.

“This is great! With our minds combined we’ll be able to take down my Zim once and for all!���

And with that, Dib burst into a fit of maniacal laughter.

Zib found himself joining in as he imagined all the horrors he could inflict upon this dimension’s  Zim.

After spending all night scheming, the two Dibs finally concocted their plan to take down Zim.

The next day, the two Dibs made their way to skool.

“Ok, other me-“

“Please call me Zib. It...it’ll make it easier to differentiate our names.”

“Ohh-kay. Zib! Remember: Once I lure Zim to the cafeteria, you-”

“Yes. Yes. I activate the net and capture him.”

“Excellent! With you by my side nothing can stand in our way!” A crazed giggle escaped Dib’s throat as he spoke.

“I couldn’t agree more! I don’t think there’s anything that can even try to get in our way!”

No sooner had those words left Zib’s lips-

BAM!

In the blink of an eye, all of the air was sucked out of Zib’s lungs.

There, standing on the skool steps, was you!

You were the most beautiful creature Zib had ever seen!

From your beautiful eyes to your playful smile, You were truly captivating.

“Who is that?”

“Why that’s Y/N! The most beautiful creature who ever graced this unforgiving world! No one else can compare! They’re kind, beautiful, and have the most melodic voice!” Dib gushed as his face melted a bit.

Drool poured from Zib’s mouth as his worm like tongue slid out.

“Y/N.....”

“Ah... Soon Y/N will be  all mine.” Dib purred.

Zib’s bubble of euphoria burst!

“Wait! Yours?! Who says you get to have Y/N?!”

“Well me of course! I say I get to have Y/N! No one else is worthy of their glorious presence!” Dib cooed as a faint blush dusted his cheeks.

“Tch! As if! The only one worthy of that vision of beauty is me! Not you!” Zib growled as he snapped a claw at Dib.

Dib’s signature unnerving grin spread across his face as he let out a crazed laugh.

“Oh you’re so funny Zib . You truly are a joker.  For a minute there I thought you were trying  to steal Y/N from me.  Good thing you wouldn’t do such a thing right?”

Zib simply chuckled and shook his head.

“Oh don’t worry. I don’t intend to. After all, how can I steal someone who was never yours to begin with? I’ll just simply claim them for myself!”

Dib’s left eye twitched as a low growl escaped his throat.

“You take that back! Y/N is mine! Ive already claimed them for myself! I won’t allow you to steal them away!”

“Oh yeah? Just you try and stop me!”

ZAP!

Zib activated the net and threw it at his counterpart.

Dib let out a screech as he fought against the net.

Zib let out a maniacal laugh as he activated his PAK legs and made a run for you.

You felt a cold chill run down your spine as Zib landed by your side and cleared his throat.

“Hello there. You must be an alien because you look out of this world.”

If it was said by anyone else, you would’ve laughed at the cheesy pick up line.  However, seeing Zib made you scream in horror.

“Dib?! What the hell happened to you?!”

“Don’t worry, I’m not from this dimension! I’m the most superior Dib in the multiverse! And I was sent here to be your boyfriend! Or at least I’m pretty sure that’s why I ended up here when all of my hard work imploded in on itself.” Zib chuckled as he threw an arm around you.

You blinked in shock for a moment before peeling Zib’s arm off of you.

“Well other Dib-“

“Please call me Zib. I want to separate myself from this dimensions inferior Dib!”

“Ohh-Kay. Well* Zib,* umm it’s nice to meet you I guess-“

“Oh ho the pleasures all mine.” Zib purred as he pulled you close.

Despite how nervous he made you, Zib constantly touching you was getting on your nerves.

“Ok, look. I’m flattered and all but I already have a boyfriend!”

“Well of course you do! He’s me!” Zib giggled as he caressed your cheek.

“No!  He’s actually-“

“Right here!”

As if on cue, Zim’s voice rung out like an alarm bell.

You let out a sigh of relief, pushed Zib off of you, and ran into Zim’s arms.

“Zim! Oh thank god you’re here! This guy is apparently another Dib with the hots for me!”

“So I’ve gathered...” Zim growled as he held you protectively.

Zib’s left eye twitched as a crazed giggle escaped his throat.

“Oh. So you’re dating a Zim?”

“You’re god damn right they are! And they’re not dating just any Zim! Oh no! Y/N is dating THE GREATEST ZIM WHO EVER ZIMMED!  So keep your grimy... Zib filth off of them!” Zim hissed as he shot Zib a glare.

“Is that so? Well isn’t that just lovely? A beauty dating a beast” Another crazed giggle escaped Zib’s throat as he struggled to keep his composure.

“The only beast here is you filthy Zib-creature! So why don’t go back to whatever hole you crawled out of and leave my beloved Y/N alone?!” Zim snarled as he snapped a finger in Zib’s direction.

“Oh don’t worry. You won’t have to deal with me for much longer. Enjoy your Y/N...for now...” Zib chuckled darkly as he vanished into the shadows.

“Jeez. And I thought our Dib was creepy.” You shuddered.

“Worry not, sweet Y/N! Zim shall protect you from all Dibs no matter how creepy they may be!” Zim reassured as he took your hands in his.

You couldn’t help but giggle at Zim’s reassurance.

“I know you will, babe. Now c’mon let’s get to class.”

And with that, you and Zim hooked arms and walked to class together.

Meanwhile, Dib finally managed to free himself from the net, only to find Zib chuckling to himself.

SMACK!

Dib’s hand collided with Zib’s cheek.

“Ow! Hey!” Zib snapped as he rubbed his sore cheek.

“How dare you betray me like that! I thought we were partners!” Dib wailed as he put his hands on his hips.

“Well we were partners but it seems there’s been a slight change of plans. You see, I haven’t seen another human in such a long, long time. Y/N is such a lovely sight for my oh so sore  eyes. I simply cant let anyone else have them! A beauty such as Y/N needs to be protected from the unworthy.” Zib explained dramatically.

“But Y/N is mine!  I saw them first! I learned everything I could about them! I even have several samples of their blood in my closet! You can’t just barge in and ruin all of my hard work!” Dib whined as he threw his hands in the air.

“Look Dib, I feel for you. I really do. It can be so difficult living in a world where you’re left unappreciated. But you’re just too soft for such a lovely Y/N. It would practically be cruel to leave them with you! They need someone strong enough to protect them from anything. Especially a Zim.” Zib spat out Zim’s name like it was poison.

“I’m not soft! I can protect Y/N! I know-“

“Oh really? Then tell me why Y/N is trapped in Zim’s clutches! Go on, tell me why they’re glued to his side instead of yours!” Zib interjected

“I....Well...”

Dibs face fell. He really didn’t have a proper answer for his angry counterpart.

“That’s what I thought. The fact that your Zim is even alive is more than enough proof that you’ve not only failed Y/N but you’ve failed your dimension as well! Face it! You’ll never be worthy enough for someone as beautiful as Y/N! So do both Y/N and yourself a favor and give up!” Zib snarled as he glared down at his counterpart.

Dib let out a small whimper before shaking away his sadness.

“No! I’ll never give up on Y/N! I’ll keep fighting for their safety as well as the safety of my world too! I’m not gonna let you bully me into stopping!”

Zib simply smirked and folded his arms

“You really don’t get it, do you? You’ve already had your chance and you blew it! Now it’s time for an actually competent Dib to take the wheel! Once I’ve claimed Y/N as my own, I’ll take down your Zim myself!”

“What?! Oh no you don’t! You’re not you going to steal Y/N nor the glory of exposing my Zim from me!” Dib roared as his face burned red.

Zib chuckled darkly and slowly shook his head.

“Expose your Zim? Oh no, Been there done that. No, I’m going to annihilate your Zim down to his every last cell. I can’t have that vile alien monster trying to steal Y/N away from me.”

“What? You mean, you don’t even want the glory of exposing the existence of aliens to the world?”

Zib sighed as he patted his counterpart’s back.

“Oh Dib. Sweet, naive, Dib. I’ve already tried exposing my Zim and do you know what happened?”

Dib simply gave Zib a quizzical look.

“No one cared. Not even dad! Isn’t that funny? Everyone simply shrugged and ignored me! Ignored all of my hard work! I’m doing you a favor here! I’m saving you from getting your heart broken by Y/N and your fellow humans.” Zib explained gently as he threw an arm around his shoulder.

Dib shook Zib off of him and growled,

“That’s a load of shit! You’re just trying to trick me into giving up on Y/N! Well guess what?! I’m never gonna give up on Y/N! I’ll keep fighting for them! And I won’t let anyone stand in my way! Not even another Dib!”

And with that, Dib stormed off into the skool.

“You can run but you can’t hide from the truth!” Zib called out as he slithered inside.

NEXT

[sinfulcries]

reader filming him and kenma fucking without his consent and black mailing him the next day, telling kenma that he won't leak the video if kenma becomes his slave. despite reader being toxic, kenma catches feelings for him and when he confesses, reader says he feels the same way and fucks kenma only to crush kenma's hopes by saying he was just joking & that he would never like him hehe.

tokyo afternoons . kenma x male reader

authors notes. holy shit this was really long and it took me a few weeks to write. i was planning on writing 2 smuts for this but i lost inspiration at the end </3 anyways, virgin kenma hits differently

word count. 3.1k

tw. blackmail, non consensual filming, manipulation, toxic && douche-y reader, sadistic reader, virginity loss, corruption, size difference, unprotected sex, ignorant kuroo, obsession, spitting, noncon at the end.

The air was hot. Tokyo has always been so warm but it was never this hot. Kenma’s pale skin started to sweat, cheeks flushed as golden eyes peered at the man who was sitting beside him. You always left a warm feeling in his chest-- always left his heart drumming loudly whilst his cheeks were flushed a bright red. You were addictive, one of the people who managed to effortlessly bring a smile on to Kenma’s face.

“You’re staring at me.” You broke the comfortable silence with a chuckle, Kenma snapping out of his trance as he turned away to avoid your hot gaze. “Sorry,” Muttering a half hearted response in reply, the blonde averted his gaze to the sky-- watching the harsh sunlight spread over tokyo’s vast horizon. “You know, You look really pretty when you were staring at me earlier.” Another sentence that came out of your mouth broke the comfortable silence once again, and Kenma eyed you cautiously, not wanting to believe the compliment. 

“Do you say that to every person you hook up with?” Furrowing your eyebrows at his response, you planted your arms on top of your thighs, resting your head in the comfort of your palms as you looked at the shorter blonde seated beside you. “Believe it or not, I’ve only said that to you.” 

A sweet-talker. That’s what you were. Trying to lure Kenma in with your velvety voice and your captivating stare. Again, you were addicting. And Kenma was bewildered that he managed to hook up with you, the most popular and well loved guy in his university. “You seem like the type of person to call your partner a slut in public.” 

“I do call my partner’s ‘slut’ in public. Not with you though.” You snorted, grinning as you faced the sky, taking occasional glances at the male. “And why is that?” Confusion laced in his voice, and eyes narrowed at your taller figure, you only smiled softly in response, lashes fluttering against soft skin as you whispered faintly, “You’re just different.” 

Kenma could barely form a response with how his skin turned hot quickly-- The heat of the sun accompanied by your words only making him more of a mess than he already was. Hearing the speakerphone play the familiar tone signalling that their break was over, you grabbed the back of the smaller boy’s neck before pulling his head in to connect your lips with his. You took the opportunity to tug on his bottom lip between your teeth before pulling away. 

“I’ll see you at my place, Kozume.”  You sing-songed whilst simultaneously standing up to catch your next class. Kenma was left to stare at your retreating form, cheeks dusted with red as he felt the warmth in his chest spread every time he thought of your lips on his own once more.

Time seemed to tick slowly-- and Kenma had to begrudgingly go through the whole day without thinking of you or the intimate little moment that you had with him a few hours ago. It was pure torture-- not having you by his side or seeing your smile or hearing your shameless attempts at flirting. It was embarrassing, but he knew that he was getting used to you and your presence. Running a hand through his coarse hair, he spotted you leaning against the wall outside of his classroom, a greasy smile plastered on your face as you diverted your attention from the ladies beside you to the small blonde. 

Kenma’s heart dropped. He knew you were popular and that he didn’t have the right to get jealous because you were never his to begin with, but did that intimate moment mean nothing to you? Did that kiss mean nothing to you? He was snapped out of his thoughts when you tapped his shoulder once again-- your deep voice ringing in his ears as you cupped his cheek tenderly. “-ma, Kenma hey?” 

“Sorry I zoned out again.” He apologised, forgetting about what upset him for a moment before removing your calloused hand that rested on his cheek. You frowned at the action but soon relaxed, taking his small hand in your own. “Don’t worry about it. Should we get going?” You asked, and Kenma tensed, heaving a sigh as he mustered the courage to remove his hand from your hold.

“I don’t think i can go to your place today. Just choose one of those girls to go instead.” he murmured, bowing dejectedly. Tilting your head in confusion, you slowly grabbed his chin, tilting his head softly so that his golden orbs could meet yours. “Are you jealous, Ken?” you cooed, pressing another kiss onto his lips as he could only hear the whispers of his classmates in the background.

Kenma started shaking, instinctively moving closer towards you, turning his head so that he could bury his face into your chest. Noticing Kenma’s change of behaviour, you glared at the group of girls gossiping, instantly shutting them up. “Mind your own business.” Your loud voice was heard throughout the semi-crowded hallway and the people who had witnessed the sight of you kissing kenma nodded frantically, scrambling away to leave you and kenma to your own devices.

“They’re gone now baby. You can stop hiding.” Grabbing his hips gently, the blonde slowly scanned his surroundings before hugging you again, a soft whimper leaving his lips as you stroked his hair soothingly, “T-Thank you.”

Smiling fondly you replied, “No problem. Let’s go, baby.” 

As the two of you made your way towards your apartment, Kenma couldn’t help but stare at your taller figure, huddling closer to your side once he felt the chilly afternoon air hitting his skin. “We’re almost there, kitten. Sorry I didn’t bring my jacket.” You apologised, instead removing your blazer and placing it on top of his shoulders. “You’ll get cold, y/n.” Kenma murmured worriedly, “I’ll be fine baby, don’t worry.”

His chest rose and fell quietly. The faint sounds of footsteps and your occasional humming were the only sounds that he could hear in the empty street. You both arrived at your place quite quickly. You politely opened the door for the setter, leaving your backpacks at the doorstep and discarding your shoes before making your way towards the kitchen. “Do you want something to eat, Ken?” You called out, opening your fridge to scan over the snacks you had. 

“No thank you.” Kenma declined from the couch, unbuttoning the first top buttons of his dress shirt and tossing his tie to the side. “Suit yourself.”

Making your way towards Kenma’s hunched form-- a grin wormed its way onto your lips, ruffling his hair once you crept up behind him. “Wanna go to my room instead? You can lay down more comfortably over there.” 

Kenma gratefully accepted your offer, taking small and reluctant steps towards the mattress. “A-Are you sure I can lay down here?” The blonde shyly inquired, unable to focus once your scent hit his nose. You smelt so good-- fresh and clean, just the way Kenma liked it. You laughed at his flustered expression once more, jumping onto your mattress before pulling him in so that he was on top of you. “You’re light.”

“A-And you’re really warm....” His voice was so faint that you could barely hear it. Kenma looked to face you, cheeks dusted with red as he ran his tongue over his bottom lip thoughtfully. “What’s on your mind?” 

“I was wondering i-if you c-could…” Kenma tried his best not to stutter.

“If I could, what, kitten?”

Closing his eyes, Kenma took a deep breath before murmuring, “If you could kiss me again....”

Not giving the setter a chance to repeat himself, you leaned in to kiss him-- snaking an arm around his slim waist possessively as you started to jerk your hips against his clothed cock. Kenma whimpered into the kiss, eyes shut tightly as he failed to notice your free hand propping your phone on the nightstand-- giving the camera a perfect view of what you were doing to the poor boy. 

“Ruin me, y/n-kun~” Kenma didn't have to tell you twice before a dark smirk made its way onto your lips-- hitting the ‘record’ button before trailing your kisses downwards, kissing and sucking on the skin of his jawline and neck. 

“Mm,” Kenma whimpered, grounding his ass against your growing erection, earning him a deep growl of his name. “Yeah baby keep grinding against my cock like that,” you praised, only making the smaller male comply. 

A whine left the blonde’s lips as he started humping his ass against your thick cock-- his head fuzzy and vision clouded with lust. He loved this so much-- feeling your bulge against his ass. If the tent in your slacks was already big enough to prod at his clothed entrance, he couldn’t imagine how big you would feel deep inside of him, rearranging his guts and fucking him like the useless cock sleeve he was.

Feeling your big hands caressing the soft skin that hid beneath his dress shirt, he yelped as your thumbs pressed against the flesh of his hip before moving upwards to roll his nipples between your thumb and index finger. “You’re so sensitive, kitty. Such a cute little boy…” you cooed, tugging on the hardened bud.

Kenma keened at your touch, leaning against your chest as you moved to unzip both his and your trousers, making both of your hard cocks spring free from its confinements. Kenma’s intense and love-struck gaze was trained on your hard cock, the sight making him subconsciously lick his lips. “Don’t just stare at it, Kitty. Put it in your mouth.”

He gulped. His pupils shaking and his hands sweating as he struggled to even touch your length. “I-I don’t think i-it would fi--!” You were getting impatient and soon you grabbed him by his hair, forcing him to take your fat cock in all at once. “Stop making excuses and take it like a good boy.”

You started fucking his warm throat-- a low groan leaving your lips once you felt the tip hitting the back of his throat. Kenma was inexperienced and you could tell by the way he was sobbing, frantically tapping your thighs signalling that he couldn’t breathe. You rolled your eyes, lifting his head up so that he could gasp for air only to fuck him a second after. “Breathe through your nose baby.”

Kenma’s tear filled eyes met yours and eventually, he started getting used to the feeling of your cock wrecking his pretty little mouth. His face was ridden with drool, the sound of gurgling, your deep groans and his frantic whimpers around your cock the only noise filling the room. 

“I’m about to cum, doll--!” You rasped, thrusting into his mouth a few more times before holding his head in place, spilling your hot cum down his throat. Your free hand came to cup his cheek, spreading the cum that dripped down his chin onto his cheeks, mixing it with his drool and his tears. “So fucking pretty.” you grinned, making him smile weakly in response.

You effectively flipped Kenma so that you were on top of him, Your fingers teasing the rim of his puckered hole as he squirmed beneath your bigger figure. “You’re a virgin aren’t you?” You mused, grabbing the bottle of lube from your night stand before coating your fingers generously with the cold gel.

Kenma blushed, turning his head to avoid your gaze as he felt his heart thumping loudly in his chest. “Y-Yeah..” He murmured.

Your gaze on the blonde softened, wanting to at least prep him properly before fucking him senseless. “Okay. I’m going to stretch you out first, Is that fine with you darling?” A curt nod was Kenma’s only response and You wasted no time in stretching his hole out. You started with one finger, thrusting it in and out of him until he got used to the feeling before moving onto two fingers. You took your time with him, making sure that he felt good before he told you that he was ready to take you in.

Glancing at the camera once more you grinned darkly before snapping your hips forward, burying every inch of your cock inside of Kenma’s ass. The smaller male mewled helplessly, arching his back as he felt full from your cock. 

“Mmm, Your cunt’s so nice and tight f’me” You moaned against his taut skin, snapping your hips forward to meet Kenma’s. The smaller male jolted forward, attempting to meet up with your pace only to rake his nails helplessly against your back.

Kenma felt your lips clasping around his hardened nipple, Your warm and wet tongue swirling around the swollen bud. The blonde cried out in bliss, toes curling as he came without warning, an amused chuckle leaving your lips. “You’re so sensitive, Kenma. You came so easily.”

“S’Cause you’re too big…” Kenma laughed breathlessly, feeling the bulge in his stomach as you moved inside of him. A fond smile replaced your hot expression and soon enough, you were peppering kisses all over his sensitive body, a string of whimpers leaving Kenma’s mouth as he begged for more.

As much as Kenma enjoyed the hot afternoon in your embrace with your cock buried inside of him. He failed to notice the beeping sound of your camera once the two of you were done with your little session.

The next day seemed like a blur to the man. After you approached him, Showing the video you took with a shit-eating grin on your face, He instantly begged you not to show anyone-- Even getting on his knees to suck you off in the senior’s empty classroom. Your smile was different-- it wasn't genuine and soft just like the one you had flashed him yesterday-- your smile was wicked, condescending. And it only made his heart break much more, seeing how mean and ruthless you actually were. Your actions were undeniably fucked up however Kenma still couldn't bring himself to despise you, And he hated how much you still made his flutter even if you were hurting his feelings without a care in the world. 

“Kuroo can I tell you something?” Kenma asked timidly, asking the chemistry major, making him nod attentively. “Yeah go ahead man.” 

“You know Y/n L/n right..?” The blonde’s voice was slowly becoming softer and Kuroo only hummed, “Yeah the attractive senior what about him?” Kenma gulped before continuing, “I-I… we had sex and he b-black mailed me..” 

Kuroo scoffed, laughing loudly at the words that left Kenma’s mouth. “Y/n? Fucking someone like you? I'm sorry Ken but fantasies are waaay different than reality. Have the video games been getting to your head? He’s way too out of your league.” Kuroo shook his head, trying to stop himself from laughing more and Kenma sighed exasperatedly, trying not to cry. 

“You’re really not helping, Kuroo.” He murmured as the rooster head only raised his hands up in defense, “I'm just saying! He would more likely go for me you know,” The older male cooed teasingly, wiggling his eyebrows. “Well I have a class to catch, Ken! Let’s hang when you’re less busy and also, get lots of rest.”

Kenma sighed at the man’s words as he was left alone to ponder. If his best friend didn’t believe him then, no one would. However as much as the thought consumed him, He soon craved to have you touch him lewdly once more. He craved you, Confusing infatuation with love. Kenma wasn’t in love with you, No, He was obsessed with you. And to think that he would have such feelings for, you, out of all people, made his situation much more pitiful. 

Before the blonde could think of anything to make his situation less worse, He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket, a text message that had been sent from you illuminating brightly on the screen.

Y/n-Senpai: Come over after class.

Although the text was simple and straightforward, Kenma couldn’t help but think about it for the rest of the day. Why did you want him to come over? Were you gonna delete the video? Several thoughts spiralled in his head but none of them seemed to answer any of his questions.

“Relax, Kenma, I’m not going to do anything.” You laughed heartily, making the blonde seated in front of you shuffle nervously. Your words were not exactly the most convincing, especially paired with the mischievous glint in your eyes. But he decided to keep shut, letting you speak first.

“Do you like me?” You spoke bluntly, And Kenma tensed at the question, hanging his head down low to avoid your gaze. You soon frowned at the action, grabbing the smaller male’s chin, forcing him to look you in the eye. “C’mon, Ken. Answer me.”

It was now or never. You were giving Kenma the chance to confess! He wouldn’t just throw this opportunity away, No! He was going to tell you how he felt right here, right now. “Y-Yes.” He mumbled embarrassedly, only to blush once he saw you smiling at him softly.

He was too innocent! You almost felt bad for playing with his precious little feelings, however, as much as you loved making the naive boy smile, You would much rather see him crying and wailing for you to reciprocate his feelings.

“Are you gonna say anything else…?” Kenma piqued anxiously, and you hummed in response, inching your face closer to his, “Do you want me to say anything?”. God-- How could he form a proper reply when your lips were merely inches away? The younger only nodded before you leaned in to kiss him. 

“I wanna fuck you.” Were the words that came out of your mouth. “I- Don’t think I want to-” 

Giving him no time to protest, you pinned him onto your couch, pressing your body closely against his as he let out a silent mewl. “Don’t be such a killjoy. I thought you liked me?”

Your change of personality only caused Kenma to sniffle, tears forming in his eyes as he clutched onto the couch’s fabric tightly.-- “I do but, I don’t want to--!”

He looked so pathetic! And it almost made you cum, seeing him look so pitiful and helpless. Your touch on his skin was hot-- Blazing and painful; It almost reminded Kenma of the hot tokyo afternoon he spent with you a few days ago, except this time, you were torturing him and taking advantage of how weak he was, especially when it came to you. 

You effectively shut the male up by spitting into his mouth, forcing him to swallow your saliva as your predatory gaze landed on his shivering body. “You don’t want to? Well then you’ll leave me no other choice but to force my cock inside of you, Kenma.”

[oscopelabs]

Isn’t Everything Autobiographical?: Ethan Hawke In Nine Films And A Novel by Marya Gates

When asked during his first ever on-camera interview if he’d like to continue acting, a young Ethan Hawke replied, “I don’t know if it’s going to be there, but I’d like to do it.” He then gives a guileless shrug of relief as the interview ends, wiping imaginary sweat off his brow. The simultaneous fusion of his nervous energy and poised body language will be familiar to those who’ve seen later interviews with the actor. The practicality and wisdom he exudes at such a young age would prove to be a through-line of his nearly 40-year career. In an interview many decades later, he told Ideas Tap that many children get into acting because they’re seeking attention, but those who find their calling in the craft discover that a “desire to communicate and to share and to be a part of something bigger than yourself takes over, a certain craftsmanship—and that will bring you a lot of pleasure.”

Through Hawke’s dedication to his craft, we’ve also seen his maturation as a person unfold on screen. Though none of his roles are traditionally what we think of when we think of autobiography, many of Hawke’s roles, as well as his work as a writer, suggest a sort of fictional autobiographical lineage. While these highlights in his career are not strictly autofiction, one can trace Hawke’s Künstlerromanesque trajectory from his childhood ambitions to his life now as a man dedicated to art, not greatness. 

Hawke’s first two films, Joe Dante’s sci-fi fantasy Explorers with River Phoenix and Peter Weir’s Dead Poets Society with Robin Williams, set the tone for a diverse filmography filled with popcorn fare and indie cinema in equal measure, but they also served as touchstones in his development as person drawn to self-expression through art. In an interview with Rolling Stone’s David Fear, Hawke spoke about the impact of these two films on him as an actor. When River Phoenix, his friend and co-star in Explorers, had his life cut short by a drug overdose, it hit Hawke personally. He saw from the inside what Hollywood was capable of doing to young people with talent. Hawke never attempted to break out, to become a star. He did the work he loved and kept the wild Hollywood lifestyle mostly at arm’s length. 

Like any good film of this genre, Dead Poets Society is not just a film about characters coming of age, but a film that guides the viewer as well, if they are open to its message. Hawke’s performance as repressed schoolboy Todd in the film is mostly internal, all reactions and penetrating glances, rather than grandiose movements or speeches. Through his nervy body language and searching gaze, you can feel both how closed off to the world Todd is, and yet how willing he is to let change in. Hawke has said working on this film taught him that art has a real power, that it can affect people deeply. This ethos permeates many of the characters Hawke has inhabited in his career. 

In Dead Poets Society, Mr. Keating (Robin Williams) tells the boys that we read and write poetry because the human race is full of passion. He insists, “poetry, beauty, romance, love—these are what we stay alive for.” Hawke gave a 2020 TEDTalk entitled Give Yourself Permission To Be Creative, in which he explored what it means to be creative, pushing viewers to ask themselves if they think human creativity matters. In response to his own question, he said “Most people don’t spend a lot of time thinking about poetry, right? They have a life to live and they’re not really that concerned with Allen Ginsberg’s poems, or anybody’s poems, until their father dies, they go to a funeral, you lose a child, somebody breaks your heart, they don’t love you anymore, and all of the sudden you’re desperate for making sense out of this life and ‘has anyone ever felt this bad before? How did they come out of this cloud?’ Or the inverse, something great. You meet somebody and your heart explodes. You love them so much, you can’t even see straight, you know, you’re dizzy. ‘Did anybody feel like this before? What is happening to me?’ And that’s when art is not a luxury. It’s actually sustenance. We need it.” 

Throughout many of his roles post-Dead Poets Society, Hawke explores the nature of creativity through his embodiment of writers and musicians. Often these characters are searching for a greater purpose through art, while ultimately finding that human connection is the key. Without that human connection, their art is nothing.

We see the first germ of this attraction to portray creative people on screen with his performance as Troy Dyer in Reality Bites. As Troy Dyer, a philosophy-spouting college dropout turned grunge-band frontman in Reality Bites, Hawke was posited as a Gen-X hero. His inability to keep a job and his musician lifestyle were held in stark contrast to Ben Stiller’s yuppie TV exec Michael Grates. However in true slacker spirit, he isn’t actually committed to the art of music, often missing rehearsals, as Lelaina points out. Troy even uses his music at one point to humiliate Lelaina, dedicating a rendition of “Add It Up” by Violent Femmes to her. The lyrics add insult to injury as earlier that day he snuck out of her room after the two had sex for the first time. Troy’s lack of commitment to his music matches his inability to commit to those relationships in his life that mean the most to him. 

Reality Bites is also where he first positioned himself as one of the great orators of modern cinema.” Take this early monologue, in which he outlines his beliefs to Winona Ryder’s would-be documentarian Lelaina Pierce: “There’s no point to any of this. It’s all just a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes. So I take pleasure in the details. You know, a quarter-pounder with cheese, those are good, the sky about ten minutes before it starts to rain, the moment where your laughter become a cackle, and I, I sit back and I smoke my Camel Straights and I ride my own melt.” 

Hawke brings the same intense gaze to this performance as he did to Dead Poets Society, as if his eyes could swallow the world whole. But where Todd’s body language was walled-off, Troy’s is loud and boisterous. He’s quick to see the faults of those around him, but also the good things the world has to offer. It’s a pretty honest depiction of how self-centered your early-20s tend to be, where riding your own melt seems like the best option. As the film progresses, Troy lets others in, saying to Lelaina, “This is all we need. A couple of smokes, a cup of coffee, and a little bit of conversation. You, me and five bucks.”

Like the character, Hawke was in his early twenties and as he would continue to philosophize through other characters, they would age along with him and so would their takes on the world. If you only engage with anyone at one phase in their life, you do a disservice to the arc of human existence. We have the ability to grow and change as we learn who we are and become less self-centered. In Hawke’s career, there’s no better example of this than his multi-film turn as Jesse in the Before Trilogy. While the creation of Jesse and Celine are credited to writer-director Richard Linklater and his writing partner Kim Krizan, much of what made it to the screen even as early as the first film were filtered through the life experiences of Hawke and his co-star Julie Delpy. 

In a Q&A with Jess Walter promoting his most recent novel A Bright Ray of Darkness, Hawke said that Jesse from the Before Trilogy is like an alt-universe version of himself, and through them we can see the self-awareness and curiosity present in the early ET interview grow into the the kind of man Keating from Dead Poets Society urged his students to become. 

In Before Sunrise, Hawke’s Jesse is roughly the same age as Troy in Reality Bites, and as such is still in a narcissistic phase of his life. After spending several romantic hours with Celine in Vienna, the two share their thoughts about relationships. Celine says she wants to be her own person, but that she also desperately wants to love and be loved. Jesse shares this monologue, “Sometimes I dream about being a good father and a good husband. And sometimes it feels really close. But then other times it seems silly, like it would ruin my whole life. And it’s not just a fear of commitment or that I’m incapable of caring or loving because. . . I can. It’s just that, if I’m totally honest with myself, I think I’d rather die knowing that I was really good at something. That I had excelled in some way than that I’d just been in a nice, caring relationship.”

The film ends without the audience knowing if Jesse and Celine ever see each other again. That initial shock is unfortunately now not quite as impactful if you are aware of the sequels. But I think it is an astute look at two people who meet when they are still discovering who they are. Still growing. Jesse, at least, is definitely not ready for any kind of commitment. Then of course, we find out in Before Sunset that he’s fumbled his way into marriage and fatherhood, and while he’s excelling at the latter, he’s failing at the former. 

As in Reality Bites, Hawke explores the dynamics of band life again in Before Sunset, when Jesse recalls to Celine how he was in a band, but they were too obsessed with getting a deal to truly enjoy the process of making music. He says to her, “You know, it's all we talked about, it was all we thought about, getting bigger shows, and everything was just...focused on the future, all the time. And now, the band doesn't even exist anymore, right? And looking back at the... at the shows we did play, even rehearsing... You know, it was just so much fun! Now I'd be able to enjoy every minute of it.”

The filming of Before Sunset happened to coincide with the dissolution of Hawke’s first marriage. And while these films are not autobiographical, everyone involved have stated that they’ve added personal elements to their characters. They even poke fun at it in the opening scene when a journalist asks how autobiographical Jesse’s novel is. True to form, he responds with a monologue, “Well, I mean, isn’t everything autobiographical? I mean, we all see the world through our own tiny keyhole, right? I mean, I always think of Thomas Wolfe, you know. Have you ever seen that little one page note to reader in the front of Look Homeward, Angel, right? You know what I'm talking about? Anyway, he says that we are the sum of all the moments of our lives, and that, anybody who sits down to write is gonna use the clay of their own life, that you can’t avoid that.”

While Before Sunset was shot in 2003, released in 2004 and this monologue refers to the fictional book within the trilogy entitled This Time, Hawke would take this same approach more than a decade later with his novel A Bright Ray of Darkness.

In the novel, Hawke crafts a quasi-autobiographical story, using his experience in theater to work through the perspective he now has on his failed marriage to Uma Thurman. Much like Jesse in Before Sunset, Hawke is reluctant to call the book autobiographical, but the parallels to his own divorce are evident. And as Jesse paraphrased Wolfe, isn’t everything we do autobiographical? In the book, movie star William Harding has blown up his seemingly picture-perfect marriage with a pop star by having an affair while filming on location in South Africa. The book, structured in scenes and acts like a play, follows the aftermath as he navigates his impending divorce, his relationship with his small children, and his performance as Hotspur in a production of Henry IV on Broadway. 

Throughout much of the novel, William looks back at the mistakes he made that led to the breakup of his marriage. He’s now in his 30s and has the clarity to see how selfish he was in his 20s. Hawke, however, was in his forties while writing the book. Through the layers of hindsight, you can feel how Hawke has processed not just the painful emotional growth spurt of his 20s, but also the way he can now mine the wisdom that comes from true reflection. Still, as steeped as the novel is in self-reflection, it does not claim to have all the answers. In fact, it offers William, as well as the readers, more questions to contemplate than it does answers.

The wisdom to know that you will never quite understand everything is broached by Hawke early in the third film in the Before Trilogy, 2013’s Before Midnight. At this point in their love story, Jesse’s marriage has ended and he and Celine are parents to twin girls. Jesse has released two more books: That Time, which recounts the events of the previous film, and Temporary Cast Members of a Long-Running But Little Seen Production of a Play Called Fleeting. Before Midnight breaks the bewitching spell of the first two films by adding more cast members and showing the friction that comes with an attempt to grow old with someone. When discussing his three books, a young man says the title of his third is too long, Jesse says it wasn’t as well loved, and an older professor friend says it’s his best book because it’s more ambitious. It seems Linklater and company already knew how the departure of this third film might be regarded by fans. But it is this very departure that shows their commitment to honestly showing the passage of time and our relationship to it. 

About halfway through the film Jesse and Celine depart the Greek villa where they have been spending the summer, and we finally get a one-on-one conversation like we’re used to with these films. In one exchange, I feel they summarize the point of the entire trilogy, and possibly Hawke’s entire ethos: 

Jesse: Every year, I just seem to get a little bit more humbled and more overwhelmed about all the things I’m never going to know or understand. 

Celine: That’s what I keep telling you. You know nothing!

Jesse: I know, I know! I'm coming around! 

[Celine and Jesse laugh.] 

Celine: But not knowing is not so bad. I mean, the point is to be looking, searching. To stay hungry, right?

Throughout the series, Linklater, Delpy, and Hawke explore what they call the “transient nature of everything.” Jesse says his books are less about time and more about perception. It’s the rare person who can assess themselves or the world around them acutely in the present. For most of us, it takes time and self-reflection to come to any sort of understanding about our own nature. Before Midnight asks us to look back at the first two films with honesty, to remove the romantic lens with which they first appeared to us. It asks us to reevaluate what romance even truly is. 

Hawke explores this same concept again in the 2018 romantic comedy Juliet, Naked. In this adaptation of the 2009 Nick Hornby novel, Hawke plays a washed-up singer-songwriter named Tucker Crowe. He had a big hit album, Juliet, in the early ‘90s and then disappeared into obscurity. Rose Bryne plays a woman named Annie whose longtime boyfriend Duncan is obsessed with the singer and the album, stuck on the way the bummer songs about a bad breakup make him feel. As the film begins, Annie reveals that she thinks she’s wasted 15 years of her life with this schmuck. This being a rom-com, we know that Hawke and Byrne’s characters will eventually meet-cute. What’s so revelatory about the film is its raw depiction of how hard it is for many to reassess who they really are later in life. 

Duncan is stuck as the self-obsessed, self-pitying person he likely was when Annie first met him, but she reveals he was so unlike anyone else in her remote town that she looked the other way for far too long. Now it’s almost too late. By chance, she connects with Crowe and finds a different kind of man.

See, when Crowe wrote Juliet, he also was a navel-gazing twentysomething whose emotional development had not yet reached the point of being able to see both sides in a romantic entanglement. He worked through his heartbreak through art, and though it spoke to other people, he didn’t think about the woman or her feelings on the subject. In a way, Crowe’s music sounds a bit like what Reality Bites’s Troy Dyer may have written, if he ever had the drive to actually work at his music. Eventually, it’s revealed that Crowe walked away from it all when Julie, the woman who broke his heart, confronted him with their child—something he was well aware of, but from which he had been running away. Faced with the harsh reality of his actions and the ramifications they had on the world beyond his own feelings, he ran even farther away from responsibility. In telling the story to Annie, he says, “I couldn’t play any of those songs anymore, you know? After that, I just... I couldn’t play these insipid, self-pitying songs about Julie breaking my heart. You know, they were a joke. And before I know it, a couple of decades have gone by and some doctor hands me... hands me Jackson. I hold him, you know, and I look at him. And I know that this boy. . . is my last chance.”

When we first meet Crowe, he’s now dedicated his life to raising his youngest son, having at this point messed up with four previous children. The many facets of parenthood is something that shows up in Hawke’s later body of work many times, in projects as wholly different as Brooklyn’s Finest, Before Midnight, Boyhood, Maggie’s Plan, First Reformed, and even his novel A Bright Ray of Darkness. In each of these projects, decisions made by Hawke’s characters have a big impact on their children’s lives. These films explore the financial pressures of parenthood, the quirks of blended families, the impact of absent fathers, and even the tragedy of a father’s wishes acquiesced without question. Hawke’s take on parenthood is that of flawed men always striving to overcome the worst of themselves for the betterment of the next generation, often with mixed results. 

Where Juliet, Naked showed a potential arc of redemption for a father gone astray, First Reformed paints a bleaker portrait. Hawke plays Pastor Toller, a man of the cloth struggling with his own faith who attempts to counsel an environmental activist whose impending fatherhood has driven him to suicidal despair. Toller himself is struggling under the weight of fatherhood, believing he sent his own son to die a needless death in a morally bankrupt war. Sharing the story, he says “My father taught at VMI. I encouraged my son to enlist. It was the family tradition. Like his father, his grandfather. Patriotic tradition. My wife was very opposed. But he enlisted against her wishes. . . .  Six months later he was killed in Iraq. There was no moral justification for this conflict. My wife could not live with me after that. Who could blame her? I left the military. Reverend Jeffers at Abundant Life Church heard about my situation. They offered me a position at First Reformed. And here I am.” How do we carry the weight of actions that affect lives that are not even our own? 

If Peter Weir set the father figure template in Dead Poets Society, and Paul Schrader explored the consequences of direct parental influence on their children’s lives, director Richard Linklater subverts the idea of a mentor-guide in Boyhood, showing both parents are as lost as the kid himself. When young Mason (Ellar Coltrane) asks his dad (Hawke) what’s the point of everything, his reply is “I sure as shit don’t know. Nobody does. We’re all just winging it.” As the film ends, Mason sits atop a mountain with a new friend he’s made in the dorms discussing time. She says that everyone is always talking about seize the moment—carpe diem!—but she thinks it’s the other way around. That the moments seize us. In Reality Bites, Troy gets annoyed at Lelaina’s constant need to “memorex” everything with her camcorder, yet Boyhood is a film about capturing a life over a 12-year period. The Before Trilogy checks in on Jesse and Celine every nine years. Hawke’s entire career. in fact, has captured his growth from an awkward teen to a prolific artist and devoted father, a master of his craft and philosopher at heart.