#sirius black need a hug

[franklysirius]

Marauders aren’t’ stupid :

• James is a little prick that is quite good at a lot of subject but he only master the one he actually likes

•Remus need to study to have good grades he’s clearly not gifted but manage to have the best grades

•Pete got anxiety so it’s really complicate for him to work, if he got motivation and is in the mood to work he will neglect all his body’s basic need until it’s done

• Sirius seem like the one who never work, people never saw him open a book to study a new subject, at one point peter was really curious because this b*tch have one of the best grades of the class and that is not possible. So he just ask the question one day and Sirius is surprised because « didn’t you study the school program when you were a kid ?” And James Peter and Remus are so confused because wtf.

But yea basically Walburga stole sirius and Reggie’s childhood by making them learn all the fcking program in advance and because she’s such a great mom sirius had no choice than to know word by word every subject so yea this man isn’t a genius he’s just a children that try to survive and make his mother proud.

[brigid-faye]

Wolfstar lie low Drabble, shout out to irl beta @remakaz ❤️🫶🏻 you are the best travel buddy and tech* date ever (*tesco)

-

He’s been lying low at Remus’ for seven days. It’s after the seventh time he catches Remus’ eyes flicking down to his lips (over a cup of tea, standing in the kitchen) that the question in Sirius’ chest finally escapes his mouth.

“How can you still want me?”

After a week of what Sirius knows, dimly, is wild rantings and vacant silences, insomnia and night terrors, it’s this that makes Remus Lupin look at him like he’s crazy.

One eyebrow up, the opposite corner of his mouth a bit quirked, a head tilt that makes his curls fall over his forehead. It’s so achingly familiar, but jarring, too - the grey in his hair, the depth of the wrinkle between his eyes.

And -fuck fuck fuck all of this - Sirius should have been there for those changes, he wants to press his thumb against that wrinkle and push away all the pain and worries Remus has endured without him. Because of him.

Remus swallows his tea and sets his cup on the counter. He considers Sirius for a moment, opens and shuts his mouth. Frowns and deepens the wrinkle.

“I would have kissed you in that fucking shack, Sirius,” he says, low but even. “If we-I should have kissed you in-”

Sirius isn’t aware of closing the distance between them, he only knows that the kiss is messy and desperate and tastes like life. He’s been so scared that he will finally do the one more thing that will make Remus give up on him, shun him, hate him. Some one thing that will expose the too much in him, something that will reveal the terrified need he feels to hide in Remus’ bones, in the warm brown of his eyes.

But Remus is kissing him and breathing in gasps, nearly sobbing with relief and-

Oh.

Oh, you need me, too.

[reggieblackdiary]

Regulus (in another universe I’m easy to love) Black and James (I already love you in every universe) Potter

[marauderstars]

I don’t know who needs to hear this but James Potter would have thought you were doing great and given you a hug if you needed it.

[unconventional-lawnchair]

We'll heal together: Chapter Three 1/2

Young Blood Noah Kahan

Peter Pettigrew x Reader (Platonic) / Sirius Black x Reader (Ambiguous-Past) / Remus Lupin x Reader (Ambiguous) / James Potter x Reader (Platonic)

Masterlist

Summary: Filler fluff featuring Remus, Harry, and a Patronus Charm

Cw: Use of {Y/N}, Dementor Attack, non-explicit and non-sexual nudity (please reach out if I missed something}

Wc- 1300

“Are you sure about this Harry? This is very advanced magic. Many witches and Wizards are unable to summon them even into their late years. Some never do.” Lupin mused from the top of the stairs, walking down to meet him.

“I’m sure.” Harry nodded, standing up taller as if to make himself seem more confident. “I am.”

“Well, everything is prepared.” Lupin mused, walking past him to sit atop a chest and looking up at the boy. 

“Now, what I am about to show you is called a Patronus Charm. Do not feel discouraged if you are unable to summon one immediately.” The professor continued, “You hear me, right Harry?”

Harry nodded firm, changing the grip on his wand. Lupin stood and walked over to stand beside him. “Now, close your eyes.”

“Professor?” Harry looked at Lupin strangely and Lupin shook his head. “Trust me, close them.” He mused and the boy listened, slowly closing his eyes.

“Now, raise your wand and think of your happiest memories, Concentrate. In order for it to work, you must think of a memory. And not just any. This memory needs to be one that brings you joy, peace, warmth. A Memory to spell away any darkness.” Lupin rattled on and walked over to the chest as Harry nodded, eyes opening. “Got something? Good. Let it fill you up. Lose yourself in it. Then speak the incantation,”

“Expecto Patronum.” Harry finished and Lupin smiled. “Ready?”

“Ready.” He nodded and Lupin took a breath.

“Concentrate, Harry. Concentrate...“ He urged before he suddenly yanked open the chest top. Shadows spilled from the chest, the darkness seemed to climb up the very walls to lean haughtily over Harry. The Dementor looked particularly horrific.

“Expecto… Patronum…!” He shouts and flicks his wrist, The spell fails, again, he shouted, only for a candle by his side to lose its flame. Harry felt the darkness slowly encase him. Still, he shouted. He shouted until his body grew tired and limp, until he fell to the ground and his breath left his lungs.

“Harry! Harry, here.” Lupin woke the boy and Harry leaned into his side. Remus felt his breath stop for a moment, as Harry tried to raise himself with Remus’s support.

He had experienced that once before, when he was merely a tot, leaning against his uncle Moony to try and climb up to his mother across the room. His lips thinned as Harry walked across the room, sitting down on the steps, away from the box like it physically ailed him. “I think I need a break.”

“Take your time. Here, eat this.” Lupin mused as he walked over and pulled some Chocolate from his pockets. He handed it over and Harry muttered a thanks before he took a bite.

“.. Something else is on your mind, isn't it? Hard to focus on the Charm?”

“I-” Harry paused as he remembered, he shouldn't know that information, he definitely shouldn't let Lupin know he knew of his Godfather and Godmother. He would have to explain how he found out, how he knew, and then explain why he couldn't get it out of his head. Certainly not long enough for him to think of anything happy enough to summon a patronus.

Lupin had found himself staring at Harry as he waited patiently for the child to continue. A part of him felt guilty. The way his head was downcast, the sharp edges of his nose and his hair hanging over his eyes. Without them, he could only see James. The man who should be standing where he was, teaching his son what he was, sharing the moment that he was. He knew if Lily could hear his thoughts he’d be torn a new one, if James heard them he’d surely cry. If {Y/N} heard them she’d probably give him those bright eyes, silent and patient, let him weep into her shoulder as she always did. Not a word exchanged between the two. No reassurance, no empty promises, just two humans in their rawest forms offering each other as support. He missed them.

“Professor?” Harry mused and looked up at Lupin. That snapped him from his thoughts. Lupin kneeled down beside Harry, taking the floor at his feet. “Yes, Harry?”

“What do you think of?” He asked curiously, and Lupin pursed his lips. 

“My happiest memory?”

“Yes.” Harry breathed, looking just past Remus’s shoulder.

“Well. It's rather complicated.”

“Is it?”

“It is… But, it's about me, your father, and a few of… the people we once knew. People I should not care for.”

~~

The sun slipped into the Shrieking shack early that morning. Remus was laying on his side, arms wrapped around a small and fluffy bundle. He hadn't slept that well in years during the full moon, and not a single new scar in sight. 

He slowly looked around. He had his bare back against a large beast, turning to see it was a stag, James, laying back to back with him. On James, was a large black dog and a plump rat, that brought a smile to Remus’s face instantly. They were here, and they were fine. He looked down into his arms and was greeted by the sight of a small silver fox, nose to his chest and long fluffy tail over her muzzle.

He felt safe, warm, and loved. He hasn't felt so loved, He couldn't help it, letting out a chuckle, slipping into a small sob. This woke the fox, who snapped its head up, hurrying to her feet and whipping her head around every direction. Remus sniffled and began to chuckle louder, making his sobs strangle him a bit, waking everyone else.

You turned to face Remus and he swore he could hear you squeak a sound of distress. He sat up fully and you ran towards him once more, mid run turning back to yourself and holding his cheeks to try and comfort him. He leaned down to bury his head into your neck, arms around your waist and sobbed. You rubbed his back, nose to his temple as the boys began to morph back into their normal forms.

James let out what sounded to be the war cry of a dying, well, stag, as he stretched out his body limb to limb. “Merlin, that will take some getting used to.” He mumbled and turned to face Mooning and he quickly hurried over to kneel by him and ruffled his hair. “You alright mate?” He fretted. James and You shared a look and you simply nodded. James hummed and looked down before his face slowly turned a soft pink. His head snapped away and you tilted your own.

That was, until you realized, all of you were at a certain level of undress. The final level really, you would have won, if being naked was the goal. You looked at the other boys and Peter had his back to you with red ears, hurrying to get dressed, James grabbed his robe and tossed it over you two as he slipped on his pants and practically shoved himself into you and Remus’s lap. You gave a choked laugh as Remus slowly grew silent, his laughter coming through more than his sobs. Sirius rolled his eyes before he hurried over and wrapped his arms around Remus’s shoulders from behind and made himself comfortable. Peter eventually turned around fully dressed.

He looked the group over and shrugged before he walked over to your side and reached over to hug the slightly shaking boy. 

Remus never felt so loved.

~~~

“It was the day I realized that no matter what happened, I would give my life for my friends.” Remus declared and smiled at Harry who stared at him curiously before he slowly smiled back, nodding. “I see.”

[julesart04]

[arliedraws]

Inspired by my own fic lol

[jiinshien]

Sirius is puzzled❓

Sirius is suspicious⁉️

Sirius is angry💢❌💥

[ittgirl23]

Lily and Sirius bonding over sibling trauma will never not be comforting but also simultaneously traumatizing.

Like what do you mean they sit there and they talk about how guilty they feel, and how resentful their siblings are of them? And what do you mean they also share fond memories from when they were children and try to remeber when things were easier? What do you mean they share that pain? Why must you do this?

[messervixen]

TW: Internal homophobia (Walburga and Orion nothing could make me like you)

Give me Sirius Black who knew he liked Remus romantically. Who wanted to say something but was stopped by an overwhelming fear of rejection because that was what he’d known all his life (courtesy of his parents).

Sirius knew he liked Remus but anytime someone asked him how he felt he would deny it because he was terrified that it would get back to Remus and it would ruin their relationship forever.

Give me Sirius who knew how he felt about Remus but was scared of it. Scared because he’d been told it was wrong. Scared that Remus would think so too.

Sirius was scared because what Remus thought mattered. He wanted Remus to approve of him. He was scared Remus wouldn’t look at him the same way anymore.

Give me Sirius who was denying his feelings for Remus from himself too. He knew that he was in love but he wouldn’t allow himself to think it because then it would be real.

Sirius was denying his feelings to himself because he didn’t want to feel that way. He just wished he could be normal.

[albondiguilla007]

Harry meets the Mauraders fanfic recs

Ok, so this list was born after I read the beautiful fic called The Devil’s White Knight. It’s about Harry traveling to an alternative universe where Voldemort was killed in his youth, where his parents are alive and his whole life played out differently. He still has his memories though, and a whole lot of trauma, so he goes through a journey of getting to know a family that loves him unconditionally while struggling with everything else.

I was obsessed to say the least. I started looking for similar fics that gave me the same feelings and that explored Harry’s trauma and power as the key to Voldemort’s defeat, and how he fit into his new life. Thse are some I enjoyed a lot.

- [ ] Devils White Knight: 65k, complete: Please give it a try. https://archiveofourown.org/works/6854605/chapters/15646567

- [ ] To make it better: 175k, incomplete: It’s Drarry, Wolfstar and Jegulus. How beautiful is that? It explores Harry’s mental health and his alcohol addiction post war. Honestly breathtaking. https://archiveofourown.org/works/39312627/chapters/98377947

- [ ] In Another Life (I would make you stay): The Potters are from Pakistan. Harry’s alter ego stays in his mind like an annoying Jiminy Cricket. He has a little brother. 112k, complete: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19903207/chapters/47142952

- [ ] Across the Universe: 3k one shot told from James’ point of view. It’s a shame its not longer, this one hits all those sweet spots for me. https://m.fanfiction.net/s/4180686/1/Across-the-Universe

- [ ] To be Human: 80k, incomplete: In the middle of Bill and Fleur’s wedding Harry is called into another dimension by suspicious forces. https://archiveofourown.org/works/47583439/chapters/119924326

- [ ] Potter by any other name: 85k, complete: After the war Auror Harry gets in the middle of an attack on Diagon Alley and suddenly appears in front of Auror Mad-Eye Moody and Auror James Potter. He lies about his name and decides to help them. The family feels were strong on this one. https://archiveofourown.org/works/39836340/chapters/99738360

- [ ] The Incalculable Power: 76k, incomplete: So so so SO good, Draco and Harry travel back in time to the Marauder’s time in Hogwarts. They are intrigued by the new transfer students. https://archiveofourown.org/works/28632333/chapters/70181604

- [ ] Stunning Shifts: 106k, incomplete: During a publicity stunt, Harry and five others are sent to another world where a well timed Stupefy made all the difference. As Harry looks for his peers and a way home, another Harry investigates the odd arrival of his doppelganger. https://archiveofourown.org/works/552828/chapters/985108

- [ ] You’re somebody else: 54k, incomplete: Harry escapes Malfoy Manor and appears in the middle of the Potter’s home. He is freaked out to say the least. https://archiveofourown.org/works/36528937/chapters/91094224

Let me know if you’re intersted in more recommendations! I’ve been reading a few similar fics.

[lookingforsneha]

Remus, at 19/20, realises he doesn't need a secret spot where he hides his chocolate. Because he doesn't have anyone left to hide it from.

[brigid-faye]

small scene that's been bouncing around my head for idk a decade. not an excerpt from anything

Remus is standing in the shadows of the owlery, his chest jumping in too-quick breaths behind his folded arms, his barely-17-year-old face scowling and Sirius knows - he knows - the other boy is about two seconds from bursting into tears. Sirius doesn't understand why James and Peter don't seem to see that.

Unfortunately the two of them are currently between him and Remus, because those two are the sorts of friends you turn to when you're upset. You go to Peter for sympathy. You go to James to be buoyed up. Sirius knows who he is. His brand of fury will just make it worse.

"You sent it already?" James is asking, confused and disappointed.

"Why not?" Remus snaps.

They're talking about a note Remus just let fly, one in response to a nasty letter he received less than an hour ago over breakfast. The letter was rescinding an offer of a summer job at the national museum Remus got a week earlier. The letter didn't say they were pulling the offer because they learned Remus was a werewolf but Remus assumed that. Sirius did, too, because the world is shitty sometimes. (A concept Sirius is starting to understand that James and Peter don't quite grasp.)

James looks bewildered. Peter makes a 'slow down' motion and says, "Well-but-what did you say?"

Remus shrugs. "Thanks for the opportunity," he says flatly. "What was I supposed to say?"

"That they're being assholes!" James says. "Or-or, I don't know, I could write my mum, she could-"

Remus makes a hopeless sound, a shaky laugh, bitter and lost enough that Sirius involuntarily takes a step closer.

Remus looks at him.

Remus turns those hazel eyes to Sirius, his expression angry and hurt and pleading, and fuck-fuck-fuck this year has been a delicate, delicious, terrifying mess between the two of them and Sirius is so gone for him, and has no idea where they're going, or what he's supposed to do, but Remus is begging him to get this - this right here - right, so Sirius stops thinking.

He steps between James and Peter and yanks Remus into his arms.

Remus is startled; Sirius notices the way he stiffens and pulls back a little, like Sirius might think better of this. But when Sirius doesn't, when Sirius just holds tighter and says "Fuck 'em" in his ear, Remus collapses against his shoulder, letting go of his tears and hiding his face in Sirius' neck.

James and Peter are right there and silent and there's no way this looks like an embrace between friends, but Sirius doesn't care. Because maybe Peter is more comforting and James inspires hope, but Sirius is the one Remus wants right now, and that is everything Sirius needs.

[florsial]

Spreading my 2 headed lamb Regulus animagus agenda with Black Brother angst!!!

word: 820

someone give Sirius a hug or something like damn he rlly going through it

WWE WERE BORN TO DIEEEEEEEEEEE ( i love ldr music)

As he walks, the crunching of the branches underneath his feet calms the harsh beating of his heart. It hadn't been a good day. He felt like he was constantly being watched by his parents. The entire day was spent anxiously looking over his shoulders, expecting his mother to turn a corner with a wand in hand or his father to yank his shoulder with a bruising grip when his back was turned.

He really needed his walk, at least that was what James insisted on.

For a couple of minutes, he manages to clear his head, the grip of his parents loosened, leaving his mind to heal from the harsh and bruising touch. His feet soon stopped near the edge of the Forbidden Forest, and he was able to see Hagrid's hut, he figured he might as well stop by to say hi.

Sirius takes a couple of steps before he promptly stops. With widened eyes, he takes a step back from the disfigured animal. A two-headed black lamb, a baby, but not exactly a newborn, nowhere near a sheep. Its two heads conjoined by the side of their faces, the eyes wide and watching Sirius' movement with unsettling attention. The animal was creepy and yet he could not look away.

It made a noise, from one of its heads, and its legs wobbled a bit. A small movement that makes Sirius' heart ache pitifully. Remus had a farm back in Wale. He told Sirius of animals, sometimes humans, born with more than one head and dying not much sooner because they simply were born to die, doomed from the very beginning. They wouldn't have been able to survive the harsh world with the disability, nor would their bodies be able to continue the demands of life. And looking at the lamb, he thinks of how this might be the last time he sees it.

With slow steps to not scare the animal, he approaches with an outstretched hand. A comforting gesture. He manages to close enough where he can sit down and pet its soft fleece. The animal reciprocates the action, settling down to the ground beside Sirius.

"Hey there little guy," He hums.

The lamb doesn't reply, only closing its eyes. So Sirius continues to talk, "How have ya been? Well I hope, you look tired."

"I am too you know?" He runs his fingers through the soft black fleece. The animal shifts its position, slowly maneuvering itself to Sirius' lap.

"Looks like both of us are worn out, huh?"

The lamb never replies, Sirius guesses it takes too much out of the animal. So he fills the silence with his chatter about his friends, his academics, pranks, and Remus, but soon it shifts to a bit of his parents, and some of Regulus, which leaves his eyes watery. Despite never getting a baa in reply, he feels heard and comforted by the lamb.

When he finishes, he finds his face damp. The lamb leans closer and Sirius begins to sob into the black fleece. He admits in his tears, that he misses his family. He misses the times when their mother didn't scold them for minor things and gave them a cold shoulder, when their father wasn't locked up in his office or shouting at their mother, and the times he played with Regulus while the little boy was still oblivious to the world and giggled at every little thing.

At that, the lamb finally replied in its soft baaa from one of its heads. A sound that draws a wet chuckle from Sirius.

"Thank you," he mumbles softly against the fleece, "Lulu would like you, he's always been fond of lambs."

Another baa in response that makes Sirius smile.

He isn't able to stay with the lamb for long though, because he hears the familiar calls of, "Padfoot! Padfoot!" And he knows that his friends must be looking for him. Sirius turns to the lamb who is now slowly moving off of Sirius. A clear sign that he is about to leave. He wants to tell it to stay but before his mouth can form the words, the lamb makes a sound and turns around to leave. He watches the lamb move further but isn't able to stay long enough to see it fully leave his sight before his friends jump him with a group hug. Dragging his eyes away from the leaving lamb.

For the rest of his time in Hogwarts, he doesn't see the two-headed lamb again. It's only when he takes another walk to clear his head during the war in 1979, does he see it again. Black fleece and two heads conjoined standing on wobbly legs, staring directly at him, but it didn't feel like a visit, it felt like a goodbye. A permanent one.

The next day, Regulus is declared dead and Sirius never sees the two-headed black lamb again.

[regulus-books]

410 words - busy - @jegulus-microfic

warnings: arguing, bipolar james (although it's not directly mentioned, i wanted to add this tag because that's kinda what I was aiming for, and if you want a little more info on this specific episode of his I will definitely make a second post about it because I also have gone through similar things (lol another author using their mental illness in a fic/oneshot), and I hope you enjoy<3)

James has been busy a lot lately. A lot.

James has always been a hard worker, Regulus knows that. It just feels... purposeful this time. Maybe he's overreacting, but James gets up, works, eats (in silence), and goes back to sleep. He hangs out with Sirius on the weekends. Cycle repeats itself.

Regulus is standing outside the door of James' office.

"Jamie?" Regulus' heart squeezes painfully with worry about what James' answer will be. Silence emits in the hall. Regulus knocks again. "Amour?"

The door swings open fast, knocking Regulus back a bit. "What?" James' tone is harsh, and bitter. Regulus' face contorts and his eyes water.

"Well, um," Everything he says seems more stupid. He picks the skin around his nails. He looks at the ground. "I was just..." He doesn't know what to say next.

"Well, spit it out." James bites back, and Regulus is almost dumbfounded.

"What do you want for dinner?" Regulus selects a question from his list:

•Are you okay?

•When will you come out of that room?

•Can we just talk?

•What do you want for dinner?

•What did I do wrong?

"I don't fucking know, Regulus, figure it out yourself." James spits his name like it's a slur.

He doesn't even know what he feels. Pain, anger?

"I can't take this shit," Regulus says, shaking his head as tears fall down his face and his bags get packed. He looks at James' face.

James. The man he loves is staring at him in the doorway of their bedroom while he is packing a bag. It almost feels like a fever dream. James is leaning against the frame of their door, one hand in the pocket of his work trousers, he looks almost nonchalant.

"Are you seriously just going to fucking watch me walk out?"

"If that's what you want." James leans his head on the frame now, just watching.

"You won't even fight?"

"No."

"You won't fight for me, James? For us?" James looks down at the ground, where the bag is, almost all the way packed before looking back into Regulus' teary eyes.

"No."

Regulus heart is being eaten by wild animals. He can feel them ripping away piece by piece, each one going slower, applying more pressure, biting further in.

"Did I do something?" This time, James doesn't answer at all. Instead, he looks away from Regulus, away from the suitcase, away from his bedroom and walks back into his office.

[r4yra]

James's Forbidden Desires (NSFW)

Summary: He didn't know why he did it, maybe it was anger, maybe it was curiosity, but, impulsively, James leaned in closer to Barty’s face, his lips grazing the shell of his ear as he whispered soft, teasing words, all the while keeping eye contact with Remus. Barty's breath hitched at the sudden lick at his ear and groaned at the following rough bite at his earlobe. Without wasting a second, Crouch, still unknowing of Remus’ presence, pushed James into the wall, pulling the boy’s ankles close to his ears and pounded away, directly into James’ sweet spot.

Or

James’ two best friends/crushes (more like the loves of his life, you can only like someone for so many years until you have to admit it’s more than just a crush) were dating each other, leaving him lonely and with way too much free time. He had to find his way of coping, and it just so happened that Crouch was in need of coping too.

Ship: James Potter x Sirius Black x Remus Lupin

Tags: Not Actually Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love, Angst, Established Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Barty Crouch Jr. & James Potter Friendship, Everyone Needs A Hug, James Potter Needs a Hug, Face-Fucking, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Being Walked In On, Friends With Benefits, Jealous Remus Lupin, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders, Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter)

As the soft moonlight filtered through the windows of the astronomy tower, James Potter’s hands wrapped around Barty Crouch Jr. with familiar ease. Barty let out a contented sigh, his head falling back in relaxation.

“Merlin James, you get better at this by the day,” Barty murmured, leaning into the touch.

A smirk made its way to James’ lips. “I have a very thorough instructor.”

At that, Barty let out a breathy chuckle. “That so, huh? I’ll have to send him my thanks… It’s like you have magic in those hands,” Barty murmured, head falling back.

James chuckled softly, a playful glint dancing in his eyes. "Well, I've been known to work wonders."

Barty's smirk grew wider as he moved more into James's touch. "I'm intrigued. Care to show me a few tricks?"

James leaned in closer, the warmth of his breath on him sending a shiver down Barty's spine.

But clearly, Barty was done with the dirty talk, because as soon as James’ mouth was close enough, he thrust into it, his own mouth opening in a silent moan.

The thrusts were rough and strong, no sweet talking or gentle pets of affection, even Crouch’s kisses were rough, the taste of blood still lingered on his lips. The force of his thrusts didn't allow his brain to make any coherent thought besides how good it felt. Just like James wanted, and needed. Anything to get his mind off of the reason why he’s here in the first place.

“We’re together, James… Me and Pads.” No! Merlin no, get those beautiful emerald eyes out of his mind, looking at him with what he could’ve sworn was pity. Remus deserved to be happy. Sirius deserved to be happy. They were perfect together, like the stars and the moon. You can’t think of one without thinking of the other. They made each other happy. Believe him, James knows this.

He’s seen the looks and smiles they share, so much love and so much longing. There was a time when he could make them smile that way too, but lately, it felt so distant. Part of that was his fault, he didn't stick around them long enough to make them smile.

He feels guilty for distancing himself, but he can't bear the pain when he sees them being passionate with each other. The forehead kisses, the hand holding, the hickeys and the scratch marks that he wished littered his body too, he’d show them off to everyone to see. Show everyone he belonged to them . 

It wasn’t jealousy, he wished it was, at least he’d be able to feel angry about it. He felt longing, to be on the receiving end of the love they shared so openly, to fit right in with them. But in between all of that love, there was no space for James, he knew that for a fact.

Late nights unable to sleep, James spends long hours in the Gryffindor common room, burying himself in books or practicing spells to distract himself from the ache in his heart. He was too scared to go up there and see Sirius and Remus cuddled up in the same bed, looking so peaceful.

Flying through the air, James throws himself into Quidditch practice with reckless abandon, pushing his body to the limit to drown out the voice in his head that tells him he's not good enough for Sirius and Remus. He pretends not to notice their concerned glances from the sidelines, afraid to let them see his vulnerability.

Meals in the Great Hall, sitting at the Gryffindor table, James picks at his food, his appetite diminished by the knot of loneliness in his stomach. He joins in the laughter and chatter of his friends, but his mind is elsewhere, consumed by thoughts of Sirius and Remus and the love he can never have.

Walking through the streets of Hogsmeade, James keeps his distance from Sirius and Remus, convinced they're happier without him. He puts on a brave face, but inside, he's crumbling, desperate for a connection that seems just out of reach.

At parties, James dances with Peter, his movements stiff and mechanical as he tries to block out the memory of seeing Sirius and Remus lost in each other's arms. He avoids looking at them, afraid that if he does, they'll see the longing in his eyes.

Writing letters to his parents, James paints a picture of happiness and success, concealing the loneliness and heartache that gnaws at his soul. He avoids mentioning Sirius and Remus, afraid that if he does, the truth will come spilling out.

His friends don't deserve that, but every time he saw the passion and love in their eyes it was just a reminder that he didn't do that, that he wasn't a part of that love, and that it would never be directed at him.

He remembers the night after they told him they were together, how only after having no more tears to cry he went searching for Crouch. Begged him to make him forget them. Wouldn’t be the first time, Crouch and him had hooked up a handful of times before. Sirius would’ve killed him if he found out he was fraternizing with Crouch.

Crouch, by a divine coincidence, was too going through some romantic issues of his own, and fucking the pain away definitely sounded like a plan. Just like right now, James’ brain had been empty, the only thing he could process was the feeling of Crouch’s cock down his throat, and of his own fingers stretching him open, ready to take Crouch.

“Ngh, almost there… off. Off!” Crouch had to pry the brunette off his cock or he would’ve cummed right down his throat. But as good as that sounded, he had other plans for tonight. He pulled James up and switched places with him, slamming him into the wall and attacking his neck with bites. 

Soon enough, James had to hold onto Crouch’s shoulders for dear life, his only support being the arms under his knees. Barty was pounding him like he was being paid to do it. How Crouch looked so skinny but could still bounce James’ body weight like a flesh-light was beyond him.

As the thrusts settled into a rhythm his mind got lost in the pleasure, however, when he noticed movement out of the corner of his eye, his pleasure-filled expression (he hadn’t even realised he was making) faltered, and he turned to see Remus entering the tower, his expression dark and intense.

 James froze, his hands stilling on Barty's shoulders as he registered the presence of his best friend. His heart raced, and a mixture of guilt and anticipation flooded his senses. He couldn't believe Remus had walked in on this intimate moment between him and Barty.

The taller boy’s expression was a mix of shock and… anger. Remus's eyes flickered between James and Barty, his jaw clenched. Remus's eyes narrowed, something simmering beneath the surface, but he said nothing, his gaze locked on James with such intensity that it sent a jolt of electricity down James's spine. He felt exposed under Remus's piercing gaze, the air thick with unspoken tension. Despite the shock of being caught, a part of James couldn't deny the rush of excitement at Remus's unwavering gaze.

James couldn't tear his gaze away from Remus, his mind racing with a mixture of emotions. There was surprise at being caught like this, guilt for betraying the unspoken trust between them, and an undeniable flicker of something else – a longing that James had buried deep within himself over the past 2 months… Why should James feel guilty? What unspoken trust is he even talking about? Remus has Sirius, and Sirius has Remus. And they had no compromise with James, so what was with this reaction? What in the world made Remus think that he had any right to look at James like he’s just caught someone else playing with something that belongs to him? Why should James feel guilty about fucking someone else?!

He didn't know why he did it, maybe it was anger, maybe it was curiosity, but, impulsively, James leaned in closer to Barty’s face, his lips grazing the shell of his ear as he whispered soft, teasing words, all the while keeping eye contact with Remus. Barty's breath hitched at the sudden lick at his ear and groaned at the following rough bite at his earlobe. Without wasting a second, Crouch, still unknowing of Remus’ presence, pushed James into the wall, pulling the boy’s ankles close to his ears and pounded away, directly into James’ sweet spot. 

James’ voice became a chorus of sweet meowls and “Ah, ah, ah”s but he never once took his gaze off of Remus. Kept glaring at him, over Barty’s shoulder, challenging him, a clear expression of ‘What?!’ 

But Remus did nothing, said nothing. In fact, he turned to leave. But not before he caught James’ lips forming the word:

“Coward.”

He froze for a moment, just like James had when he first walked in. James could see the frustration on the other boy’s face. An internal battle, over what he should do, over how he should respond, but James didn’t want to hear it, see it. He was so done with this, all of it. The emotions were too much, so he sought shelter in Crouch’s shoulder, trying to focus back on the pleasure. And if he flinched at the click of the door closing behind Remus, that was his own business.

If you'd like to read it on AO3:

(Still debating if I should continue or not, either way hope you enjoyed it! ^^)