#six of crows shitpost

[def-not-kaz-brekker]

If you don’t think that kaz goes around saying you that his favorite color is black because “its the color of my soul” but actually his favorite color is black because that’s the color of Inej’s hair did you even read six of crows

[lilisouless]

"Wylan and Jesper making out on the floor"

Matthias passing by: aw, young love. So pure and delicate

"walks until finding Inej and Kaz making intense eye contact"

Matthias: OH DJEL! MY EYES! WHAT KIND OF PORNOGRAPHIC DISPLAY IS THIS?!

[neptune-scythe]

you've heard of what type of person are [insert characters] at a haunted house

but allow me to present

The Crows in an escape room:

Kaz is the person who figures everything out immediately but won't say anything to anyone (they think it's because he's being a dick but really he's too smart for his own good and doesn't want to ruin the experience for the others by escaping in 10 minutes and doing everything himself), or he'll solve something while no one is looking and just go "oh wow look this just opened all by itself how crazy you should do something about that"

Inej and Matthias are calmly solving the clues and methodically writing things down, though Matthias gets frustrated early on, but he hides it well. Inej isn't as invested, she's just there to have fun with her friends and exercise her brain

Wylan is extremely invested. he wants to escape and starts getting flustered almost immediately and is more frustrated than Matthias and way worse at hiding it

Jesper and Nina are playing with the props, having conversations and making jokes. they both start screaming and jumping around excitedly any time the group solves something, even if they did nothing to contribute.

Nina is the person who keeps saying "come on guys we have to focus" and then immediately gets distracted with something that looks dick shaped and won't stop making jokes about it.

Jesper will be paying zero attention to the room and then take one look at something and solve it immediately and go right back to being silly

Kuwei is the one who looses all hope after five minutes and won't stop saying "we're all gonna die" and cannot be convinced otherwise. he doesn't do much to help just kinda sits there being a downer

[randomfandombullshit]

Straight friend groups be like: Kyle, brunette girl, the funny one, Chad, Stephanie

Gay friend groups: devilishly handsome cold blooded killer, feared assassin trained in acrobatics, flirty sharpshooter with a gambling addiction, powerful yet promiscuous sorceress, politician's disgraced son with a passion for music and pyrotechnics, matthias

[highlyincorrect]

My favourite part of the whole “I’ll tell Matthias you tried to kiss Nina with tongue”/ “He’ll never believe that”/ “ then I’ll tell Nina you tried to kiss Mattias with tongue ” is that it implies just how immensely visibly ✨homosexual ✨Wylan is to the rest of the group.

Like even Matthias- fresh out of a cult bitch, Mr Hetero, poor boy caught in the conservative YouTube pipeline- could take one look at this bomb-making twink and went yeah that’s a gay one. Home of sexual. Real man enjoyer.

I also firmly believe that Kaz too took one look at this fruit in the tannery and said yep let’s send my most attractive manwhore to lure him in like a fish on a fucking line and it worked-

[talleryn]

Kaz: *addressing the crows* and if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box

Matthias: but that’s just a trash can

Kaz: what’s your point

[six-of-cringe]

Very Funny that at the end of the church of barter scene the stadwatch haul Van Eck back down the aisle away from Jesper and Wylan. It's like they get reverse married where instead of your father walking you down the aisle he is taken back up the aisle and then put in jail

[mercury-way-cryptic]

kaz: I present to you

kaz: Jesper!!! he can melt metal with his bare hands

kaz: and inej

kaz: she can scale a wall in two seconds flat without making a single noise

kaz: and then there’s me

someone else, on the edge of their seat: what can you do???

kaz: I can monologue

kaz: Very Threateningly

[budugu]

Let's all come together and admit that, no matter how much we try to paint a flawless picture, there's no such thing as a perfect fictional character. (This doesn't apply to my darling Inej)

[def-not-kaz-brekker]

Do you ever get sad because no one would come for you, and if they couldn’t walk they’d crawl to you, and no matter how broken they were they’d fight their way out with you, knives drawn, pistols blazing, because that’s what you do, you two never stop fighting???

[lilisouless]

"Are you a couple?"

Matthias: We are not a couple

Jesper: Matty-poo! are you embarassed of me? I thought we were over this

Matthias: He is joking

Jesper: Now you are gasligthing? Whats wrong with you? You said you loved me. Well, if you are so sure on denying our love, you won't mind if i go and make out with the hot ginger over there waving at us

Matthias: Jesper-

Jesper: Oh! and now i am "Jesper" , yesterday i was "sugar bunny" but things change, apparently

"How insensitive"

Matthias: oh boy

---

"Are you dating?"

Matthias: no-

Inej: What?! NO! nononono! ew-

Matthias: ew?

Inej: no way! no, no no no no no no...

Matthias: alright, maybe mrs Kaz Brekker shouldn't be so judgy

---

"Are you boyfriend?"

Matthias & Kaz: no

"Because we have couples discount"

Kaz: We are married

Matthias: what-

Kaz: Neither of us have a ring because we used the money to build our house, we don't need a ring when you have such an intense and passionate love like ours

Matthias: for the love of-

Kaz: us

Matthias: no!

---

"Aww, what a cute couple are you"

Matthias: we are not a couple! what this is always happening to me?

Wylan: Maybe we should stop holding hands so they won't get the wrong idea

Matthias: not yet , they are still cold

---

"Are you a couple?"

Matthias: NO!

Nina: huh?

Matthias: sorry, it´s the habit

[neptune-scythe]

Pinterest did a funny putting these two on top of each other in my feed

[randomfandombullshit]

Wylan: kaz I really think you should just buy the movie, you have the cash to spare and its such an effort to pirate it

Kaz: no wylan, it's the principle of it-

Nikolai climbing through the window: did I hear someone utter a negative alternative to the word privateer-

Kaz: I'm less concerned about how you climbed up to a 6th storey window with no footholds whatsoever on the wall, and more concerned about the fact that you also picked the lock on my window

[broken-heart-raven-queen]

Andrew and Renee would talk knives with Inej and become friends with her, the would gift different knives to each other on special ocassions and Kaz, Jean and Neil would just stare (they would also befriends but first of all they are simps).

[multifandomconfusion]

Matthias: Ducks are better than rabbits.

Jesper: What? Rabbits are adorable. Have you ever been in a fight with a duck? Ducks are jerks.

Nina: Duck is delicious! Rabbit is all gamey.

Jesper: We’re not talking about flavor, Nina!

Nina: Flavor counts!

Inej: Who carries around a duck’s foot for good luck? Anyone?

Wylan: You wrap yourself in a comforter stuffed with rabbit hair. I’ll wrap myself in a comforter stuffed with duck feathers! Who’s cozier?

Inej: Okay, but-

Wylan: NO, NO, NO, NO. WHO’S COZIER?

Kaz: Then why don’t we take a rabbit, a duck, stick ‘em in a cardboard box and let them fight it out!

Inej: BECAUSE IT’S ILLEGAL, KAZ!

Kaz: ONLY IF WE BET ON IT, INEJ!

Matthias: I- Djel-

[talleryn]

Nikolai: Are you an ‘arr’ pirate, or a ‘yo ho ho’ pirate?

Kaz: I’m an ‘I’m not paying 600 Kruge for photoshop’ pirate.