#skzchan au

[skzchan]

Chapter 11: Epilogue

Chapter Eleven Soundtrack: I Like Me Better - Lauv

Word Count: 434

Pairing/Ship: Changlix - Lee Felix and Seo Changbin

Genre: Fluff, Angst, AU

Warnings: Some Harsh Language

Felix straightened the tie around his boyfriend’s neck. It had been three years since him and Changbin started dating and they were now both graduated from high school and working. Changbin had been working at an auto shop to provide from him and Felix since he graduated and bought an apartment for him and Felix to live in together. Felix was working as a receptionist at an entertainment company called Prince Entertainment Records.

 “Binnie, why didn’t you just tell me you wanted to audition at Prince when I first got the job there? Hell, why didn’t you tell me you rapped?” Felix tightened the tie. Changbin shrugged.

 “I don’t know it just didn’t come up.” Changbin looked down at the outfit he was sporting. A tie, dress shirt, hoodie, leather jacket, and black skinny jeans adorned his thin, but toned figure.

 “Didn’t come up!” Felix threw his arms up in frustration, “It didn’t even occur to you that you could’ve mentioned it when I dedicated and sang a whole damn song to you at my graduation?!” Changbin could tell Felix was unimpressed. He slid his hand around his boyfriend’s small waist.

 “Would it make you feel better if I dedicated a whole album to you if I pass the auditions and get into Prince?” Changbin offered. He had planned to dedicate an album to Felix anyway, but at this point, he figured there was no point in keeping secret anymore. Since Felix had found out about Changbin auditioning, he was all over Changbin about his music and why he hadn’t told him about it earlier.

 “Lix, baby. I’m sorry I kept my music from you. I wanted to surprise by dedicating my first album to you on my debut if I made it. And if I didn’t I didn’t want to disappoint you.” Changbin sighed back hugging Felix. He pulled Felix closer to his body and Felix’s hands met Changbin’s at his waist. Felix sighed, turning himself around to face Changbin, while still in his embrace. He put his arms around Changbin’s neck, pulling their faces closer together.

 “Binnie, baby. You could never disappoint me.” Felix kissed his boyfriend, then rubbed their noses together.

 “Gosh, fuck, I love you so much, Lix.” Changbin kissed Felix again and the younger boy chuckled.

 “Gosh, fuck, I love you so much too, Binnie,” Felix replied, mocking Changbin, but meaning it honestly.

 “Now, show the world how fucking amazing you are! Go get ‘em, babe!” Felix said sending Changbin off with a slap to the ass. And Changbin walked out the door to take over the rapping industry.

[jyunshiim]

Broken compass *✬★*☽ ⤷𝘉𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘟 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘶

Genre → angst | romance | friends to lovers | lovers to strangers | college!au | uni!au

Contains → implies slight nsfw content

Listen to → Broken compass

Word count → 12.9k

TW → No major TW

Summary:

It’s just the way it is. Fate brought upon such intermittent human emotions, fracturing a person and their bond.. Though it was inevitable. However thoughts dwell on a person over time and slowly sink in, making one question…’If only…’

The warmish rays of the autumn sun beamed gracefully through the towering windows in your spacious cafeteria as you and your friends conversed about your summer and reminisced about the fun you all had. A cushioned booth that seated at least 6 of you was perfect for you and your friends as you leaned back into the booth, knees pressing against the round, creamish table in front of you. Han, Hyunjin and Yeji had been your friends since the age of 16; they’ve seen you at your highs and lows, your best and worst and yet they stayed with you and treated you like someone incredibly special to them. They were the best friends you asked for and they had, without fail, made sure everyone was treated equally with lots of love and adoration. It was staggering to you how you all grew up together and attended the same university too, though it was comforting - despite knowing you wouldn't see them all the time as you would in school - but that was okay. They all took a course suited them best spotlighting their talents; Han took literature with a combined English degree, Hyunjin took fine art with a year abroad and Yeji took graphic design. However, they all pursued something they wanted a career in, something they enjoyed…except for you. You were denied entry for criminology since your grades and entry points did not add up to the requirements so it was Communication that you had to choose because your points aligned with the requirements. The disappointment was spiteful but it was out of your control to change it now.

The ice in your plastic cup brushed up against each other, rattling, as you swirled the watery coffee as you and your dear friends talked about summer and all the things they got up to; Hyunjin opened an Etsy shop, Yeji managed to complete a course during summer to increase her skills to get a job and Han had been relentlessly writing in his charcoal grey notebook with his chewed pen slipped into the spine. The 4 of you spoke together as the ice in your cup melted further before Hyunjin had to leave for his class. “oh yeah you reminded me that I had a class too!” you pounce up grabbing your bag and cup before waddling past Yeji to get out of the booth.

“I finish my classes at 6pm today,” Yeji frowned as she opened her arms to give you a hug.

“oh my god no! that’s so long, you can do it though and if you want us to wait we can,” you offer as she waves her hands gesturing not to.

“We’ll message you later, good luck on your classes!” Han bounces his leg as he waves you and Hyunjin goodbye.

You take a sip of your coffee as you open the large, tan doors to your lecture room before the professor arrives. You take a seat; The theatre was ample with elevated ceilings. It was bigger than you expected but you played it safe and sat close to the front of the room,5 rows up, 3 seats down so it was easier for you to dash out. The faint, bitter, diluted taste of coffee was repulsive since the water weakened the caffeine that you needed for that energy boost for a 9am class. It was completely diluted now and there is no use in drinking it. What a shame you couldn’t finish it before the class. Other people begin to fill up the room although your row remains empty. It was relieving. You gently place your phone on the table and scroll through your social media to kill some time before your professor comes in.

You felt a tap on the table before your head shot up in dismay, your skin going slightly pale since you didn't know a single soul in the class - yet.

He clears his throat. “Excuse me, is anyone sitting here ?” pointing at the seat next to you.

“Oh, yeah-” you realised what you said “OH NO I mean no, sorry,” your ears flared up red but from the corner of your eye the person sat down and put his headphones around his neck. Your eyes scan across the row and there was no one but you and him. Regardless, you embarrassed yourself to the first person who actually spoke to you.

“You seemed a little bit lonely, I hope you don’t mind” He smiled. He seemed incredibly sweet so you let it pass. You unconsciously picked up on certain features like the dimple on the left side of his cheek, his walnut locks perched at his eyebrows and his lips were full and were a pinkish hue like a strawberry bonbon.

“I’m Chan by the way, it’s rude of me not introducing myself and then invading your personal space” he lets out an endearing giggle. Your ears began to burn up again with embarrassment. Did you really give such an aura? your semi dry throat croaks slightly before you clear it again.

“Ah no no, you didn’t.Thank you for the company Chan!” you nervously chuckled as your thumb picks at your cuticle.

The energy you created was tense and you felt nervous but he seemed to be very gentle and calm with you and your nerves. He seemed… really nice.

“and you are?” he attempts to persevere with the conversation. You felt a wave of awkwardness and cringe dissipate through your body before you turned your head to him to respond.

“oh yeah of course i’m [YN]” you nod as you give a polite smile.

“It's very nice to meet you, I hope we can become friends over the course,” his gentle tone sounded sincere and honest, it was comforting and refreshing.

You felt deflated after 2 hours of your first ever class and wanted to head off to the rooftop cafe that looked over the campus, so you latched onto your bag strap and briskly tried to head off alone without any more conversation. “Hey, what other classes are you in?” Chan asks. It was obvious he was starting a conversation with you because he wanted to know you better and of course you couldn’t be open with him just yet. Sharing schedules wouldn’t hurt though?

“Oh, well i’m in seminar class A i think that should be the only different thing on everyone's schedules?” You turn to him leaving a gap in between. He inches closer; “I'm a bit confused about how to know what my class is?” he shows his screen on his phone. You carefully examine his timetable and pinpoint the class he's in.

A deafening silence flooded your mind.

“Oh great! We can always go to class together, if you don’t mind,” he smiles again both his dimples appearing.You nodded your head before he walked around to leave but stopped to turn around; “I hope we can be friends!”

That would be nice.

–

A few months go by. You and Chan became closer since he was the only one in the class that cared about the subject and understood it at the same level as you. You studied together often whenever you had the time and met up outside of campus with him and your other friends. Chan and your friends got along extremely well and he treated each one of them as he would a close friend.

Hyunjin and Yeji organised a small gathering to get to know Chan better.

[Online]

You: I was wondering, why dont we go out sometime?

Chan: that sounds good to me

Yeji: woow this is the first time I heard you say that?! but of course!!

Hyunjin is typing

Hyunjin: Sounds good to me!

You: okie, we can go to the one near my house?

Han: sure thing, 7pm tonight, lets go.

You: that was so straight up but okay lmaoo

Everyone agrees in unison and so that evening you, Chan and your friends were hanging out again. The night felt like a blur to you. A lot happened at once but what you could remember was Chan asking you if you were okay every minute and making sure you didn’t feel too overwhelmed. He didn’t drink a lot, perhaps only two drinks but it seemed to you that he was a heavy weight. Only Chan, You and Yeji were sober, however Han and Hyunjin visited another universe that night…

“Why does my brother have to embarrass me like that!” Yeji whines as Hyunjin anchors her down. Chan helps Yeji put Hyunjin into her car.

“I did not expect him to-”

“be like this? yeah never put him and Han in one room.. a competition every time!” Yeji groans in disappointment. “put the other one in the back as well i’ll take him home too but he’s going to get a slap from me tomorrow!”

You and Chan slip out a laugh in unison before looking at each other, stupefied.

“Well, I’ll be off, Yeji, I’ll see you soon, good luck with those two…” you giggle before waving goodbye.

“Hey, don’t leave without me,” Chan runs after you, the side of his arm brushing against yours slightly.

“Oh, you live this way too?” you ask him slightly staggered that he was walking in the same direction.

“Oh, no I don’t but I am in no way letting you walk alone in the dark,” he shakes his head. You felt his body lean into yours before his hands placed themselves on your shoulders to move you away from the road. It didn't faze you in the moment but it truly did mean a lot.

“Where do you live then?” you ask him, tilting your head to the side.

“I live in a student apartment complex too but it’s not your one, it’s the one that’s opposite the convenience store,” you instantly knew where he was talking about. It was a 10 minute walk from your place so it wasn’t far at all.

The breeze was gentle, gliding through the leaves that rustled above your head as you walked contently next to Chan as he talked about his experiences in his flat - it was not sounding pleasant at all!

“Oh.. that does not sound fun at all I’m so sorry! Just know you can come over anytime just drop me a text and i’ll be down,” you nudge his shoulder playfully instantly becoming bashful.

He chuckles softly, it was the half giggle half chuckle that you found endearing. “thank you, I will keep a note of that. Feel free to ask me out whenever, my flatmates are awful so I wouldn't want to bring you around,” he shakes his head, tsking at the comment he made.

“a-ask out?” you thought to yourself, a sheer wave of panic inundating you. He didn't mean that way.

“Well Chan, if you need an escape I'm always here…” you smile, assuring him some sort of freedom from his flatmates.

What was that? That foreign feeling in your stomach?

“thank you so much, you’re the first person to actually offer that and care about how I feel, thank you,” he looks down smiling in appreciation before he lowers himself to the ground.

“wow, hey are you okay?” you stop your hand before it touches his brunette curls. You inspect to see what he was doing and you feel his fingers on your shoelace. Your body is set into panic.

“Hey! you don’t need to do that,” you squeal in embarrassment.

“hey, listen, it’s fine,” he swats your hand away. You were completely dumbfounded to say the least.

–

The crispness of the air was nostalgic to the days when you were younger, around 9 years old, when you and Yeji used to play in the park together despite your fingers freezing into icicles. You vividly remember when you, Yeji and Hyunjin used to play at the top of the play trail before a young boy climbed up to the top and was startled that there were people there and started crying - that was how you all met Han.November had emerged. The temperature plummeted drastically which was a shock to you yet you felt reminiscent of your youth. The blanket on your lap accumulated warmth as you fiddled with the corner because the soft material was satisfying to touch. You sat at your desk, gazing out of your window on a bleak evening as the sun wanes at the horizon setting to let the entrancing moon set itself directly outside your window, a mighty breeze  perforates the warmth of your bedroom through a crevice at your window since you forgot to close it fully. Your room had the perfect view of the moon, especially when it sat high and mighty beaming its pearly luminescence. Your eyes were almost magnetised to such a simple thing but it felt like home to you since the moon was the only thing that gave you comfort when you were alone.

You reached over to your phone to cure your boredom and decided to message Chan.

You: Hey, what are you doing?

Chan: Nothing right now, my flatmates are burning something in the kitchen and honestly being irritating.

You: Well, you’re free to come over if you want to. I’m only doing some of my assignment

Chan: Oh yeah! If you don’t mind I'll be on my way in like 15… thank you

You were caught by surprise at the instantaneous reply yet you felt gratified that he was keeping you company as well as letting him escape from his flatmates from hell.

20 long minutes go by and you get a text from Chan that he’s downstairs. You take the elevator down and scan your keycards to open the security doors to let him in. “Wow, your place is so much nicer…” he looked around mouth, slightly parted in awe.

You push the ashy grey door to your room revealing a heaven-like scene - to Chan. Everything was a simple white, from your bedding to your blinds to the accessories that decorate your walls. He scans the room; the white, flower fairy lights adorned the headboard of your bed along with the outskirts of the window frame, draping down the sides to create an heavenly atmosphere. Your room was comfortable to him and he instantly felt at home.

“It’s so peaceful here,” he lays on your bed as he turns his head to the window. “Wow, it must be so nice here, you really made this place so homely.” he smiles.

you giggle, “seems to me you’ve made yourself at home,” you say as you push his legs aside so you could sit down too. There was a brief silence as Chan turned his head to look at you with his sleepy eyes, your eyes felt as if they were bolted to him before you shook yourself back.

Chan inhales sharply. “Well I have my laptop too so we can actually be productive because trying to study in my flat is so shit,” he scoffs as he pulls his laptop out of his bag. You follow by standing up and moving to your desk, resting your knees against the desk for comfort.

He leans against the white wall whilst sitting cross legged on your bed. His eyes were fixated on his screen; he was focused and the quiet allowed him to focus. As you sit at your desk, you rummage through the last draw of your desk;

“Hey Chan, did you want a drink and some snacks, I have a few things here,” you grab a few different ones for him to choose.

Chan’s heart was warm and he felt like he met a friend just as genuine as himself, as selfless and caring as himself. It was surreal to him. Everything was starting off strong and you were grateful. Who would’ve thought that you and a mere friend would be studying together with the scintillating orb that gleaming into your bedroom. Everything just felt perfect.

–

The new year is thought to be filled with goals and ambitions that ought to be fulfilled by the end of the year. You thought it was stupid. To you, it meant more deadlines which were incredibly close together from your most difficult units. You and Chan sat at a library, he had an energy drink and you had your coffee next to your laptop, it was very clear that you both would talk all night instead of actually getting any work done. You prod Chan’s hand to attain his attention, his deep brown eyes looking up to focus on yours instead of the screen he had been staring at for the last 35 minutes;

“Chan,” you call his name in a hushed tone. He peeks above his screen and pushes one of his headphones back from his ear. “Yeah? Are you alright, do you need help with anything?” he asked, heedfully listening to what you had to say.

It had been a few months and you wondered why he spent 90% of his time with you. Was it because you were his only friend? It couldn’t be right? He’d always help you with your work and always give his notes to you and wait for you, it didn't matter where or what the weather was. You wondered for a while and thought you’d ask him the question whilst it was just you and him together so you gathered your courage to ask.

“you almost always hang out with me all the time and talk to me and share literally everything with me… why?” it almost sounded like you were putting yourself down and you had to admit a small percentage were the pure insecurities talking. Why did he even like you in the first place?

The question was striking to him. He blinked blankly at you and titled his head, scrunching his forehead as he thought about the question, his lips slightly pouted. “ No reason, I just think you’re nice to hang around, you’re a nice person,” he smiles again. That sickly sweet smile. That’s when you felt it again but this time it was different from the last. The breathlessness, the pains within your chest, the burning ears. It couldn’t be the feeling of embarrassment, it was much more than that.

“Oh right, I was just curious because you always talk to me and message me and wait for me and -” you pause for a moment to see his expression. It was a softish smile, his features so gentle; “slow down, don't worry, you’re just a really really nice person and I enjoy hanging out with you”

You nod at his response. It sounded so simple yet you felt like it had more meaning to it, like an iceberg. You remained silent after his response attempting to process what you were feeling.

“now let's get some work done, we are not good study buddies!” He prods the surface of your hand before your fingers close inwards instinctively.

Your cheeks burn a crimson along with the tips of your ears, panic settling in for no reason. “O-oh um i’ll be back, i’m just going to the bathroom,” you point, nervously breathy laugh escapes your lips before you push the chair back and speed walk to the nearest bathroom.

Your hand lingered over your chest, your forehead forming tiny specks of sweat that would race down your face. This was abnormal. Your heart felt like a rock anchoring you down but you had to compose yourself. you didn't want chan to feel like he was a problem because he really wasn't. He was nothing but sweet and selfless. You inhaled sharply and exhaled slowly and gathered your emotions and walked back out. You hoped Chan didn’t think you left upset or worse, abandoned him.

You walk back to the corner you were both sitting in, your legs feeling like jelly, and sit yourself down in front of him. His thick lips were pouty and a rosy hue, his hair was messy from ruffling it and his eyes were droopy as if he were to drift away whilst he looks down at his notes, hand on head, processing what he wrote but he seemed so gentle at this moment, like a sleepy puppy. Your fingers twitch to move his stray hairs away from his face before his eyes glance at you and you retrieve your fingers. “are you alright? you went away for a while?” He asks with a concerned tone.

“oh dont worry I just felt a bit sick,”

“sick! we should get you home!” he sits up alert.

“Wait, no! not sick… I think I'm just tired. It’s fine Chan don't worry,” you tut, clearing your throat as you sit up straight adjusting your posture.

“we’ll go in an hour from now,”

The remaining time there was awkward yet spending your time with him was enjoyable as if you didn't want that moment to end at all.

–

You were desk bound again because of your assignment deadlines that were close. You rest your elbow on your desk, leaning your head onto your hand as you fidget with a pen tapping it onto the desk. You contemplated the things that happened over the last few weeks for a while. The bedroom was silent, the ticking of the clock getting quieter as your clamorous thoughts engulfed you in that moment. You could hear your heart thumping out of your chest, the sudden feeling of pins and needles in your right leg from the lack of movement. You were overthinking again. The phone pings and the blue screen beams back at you alerting you of a new notification. Could it be the email from your professor or was it him?

Chris: Hey, you haven’t messaged me when you went home, is everything okay? Are you feeling better?

You breathed deeply, your fingers grasping the phone until the little line pops up and starts blinking.

blink

blink

blink

You carefully thought about your response. it shouldn't be too painstakingly cringe, or serious or blunt. Just the regular you. Although you were too aware of your behaviour for you to be somewhat normal.

You: Hey, i’m okay. i think i’m overworking a lot and my head started to hurt don’t worry about me

Chris: Oh okay, just don’t overwork yourself. I can hand you some of my notes if that helps and you can copy them?

Chris: And don't say no because I know you would :/

he read you like an open book, welp.

–

As time went by, your relationship with him was flourishing like a blossom tree on a spring day. Every moment was something new with your new friend and it was enjoyable to be with him. You went out with him, he came over to visit, you spent your breaks with him and he obviously helped you with note-taking. He made sure you were walking away from the road which caught you off guard, his hands gently settling on your shoulders and carefully moving you aside. He drapes his arm over your shoulders as you walk towards your accommodation;  It was only then, when you and Chan were walking back where you really felt something and you realised what it was this whole time, it was like a final awakening and you accepted what this feeling was. You really did like Chan. It wasn’t the typical ‘i like him’, it was a burning passion, a longing for someone so kind and selfless like him, someone who understood you through your highs and lows. Chan was everything you wanted in a person yet you forced yourself to believe it was an unrealistic standard and went along with it. Your heart thumped through your best. You could feel your ears redden from the nerves and coyness.

–

The door to your room slammed against the wooden door frame that had only recently been replaced. Chan crashed onto your bed, his face buried amongst your plushies and pillows, his black cap beside him letting his chestnut locks sit against your ivory pillows. The sun rays beamed in through the blinds that were open enough to let a few rays illuminate your small bedroom. It was getting dark soon. You set your bag on the tan wooden floor although before you could sit on your bed, you had to change. “Chan, I'm just going to change real quick, you can play whatever you want on my laptop,” you point at your laptop as you open the door to the bathroom. You needed some time to get yourself together. You and Chan are just friends. Chan leaned back into your bedding, he felt at ease when he was at your place.

It darkened outside, the resplendent sunset disappearing over the horizon allowing the scintillating stars to adorn the stygian night sky. After you put your things away and hung up your bag behind the door, you jumped into your bed crossing your legs and leaning back into all your plushies and pillows. Chan was closest to the wall, leaning his head against it in a torpid state.

“are you alright?” you prod his shoulder, his head whipping to face you. His resting face was extremely pouty and his eyes seemed droopy from being exhausted. Almost always, Chan seemed sleepy with you but little did you know he was comfortable enough to be in a vulnerable state around you.

“oh yeah, I’m okay don’t worry about it!” He tried to sound somewhat energetic.

You and Chan talked, ate some snacks, talked again and watched a show together before it got too late. Chan teased every now and then by taking something of yours and holding it back, annoying you slightly; “Come on Chan give me my phone back!” you whine

Chan laughs “it’s kinda cute when you’re annoyed,” he says returning your phone.

What did he say?

You and Chan peacefully sit together again, only millimetres apart from each other, the tension in the room rising by the second until Chan sighs deeply.

“oh wow it’s already 12:30!” he leaps out of your bed. “I have to go, I have a meeting with the director of our year tomorrow at 9am”

“oh! i’m so sorry for keeping you for so long, i’ll walk you out,” you hastily lurch out, finding your slippers and a zip up hoodie to keep you covered and warm.

Chan’s smile was only on one side of his face, one of those smiles that you give (or get) when you are appreciative. “Thank you,” his voice was hushed but to you it sounded relaxing. You didn’t want him to leave.

You wave to him as he walks down the tenebrous street alone with his hood up.He exhaled in relief. He felt nervous, bothersome even, causing him to want to tear his hair out. Of course, these were destructive thoughts however they were one of many. He aggressively slapped his cheeks as he tried to shake himself back to what he thought was reality.

You tap away at your phone to message Chan despite him only just leaving. You couldn’t get enough.

YOU: let me know when you get some, it’s really late and dark

CHAN: I will <3

You stare at your phone with your mouth slightly parted. Do guys send hearts like this to anyone? It was too late at night to even ponder about it so you buried your face into your heap of pillows and plushie although something was different. Chan’s scent lingered. A mixture of sandalwood with hints of rose, you didn’t want to get up and stayed laid down on your bed, your cheek pressed against the pillow Chan was laying on as you held your phone on the lowest brightness waiting for him to reply.

Your eyes begin to droop, becoming heavy like rocks were tied to your eyelids before everything went dark. Your phone remained in your hands.

–

Sun rays greeted you as they slipped through the tiny gaps in the blinds gradually awakening you. A small groan passes your lips as you hear the birds chirping to one another, singing their morning song. Your hands pat your mattress in search of your phone; 7:56AM. You could’ve sworn you were waiting for a text from Chan! You shoot up awake, panic stricken, and jumped up from your bed frantically to unlock your phone. There was no message from Chan and you began to get worried, why did you fall asleep without checking if he got home safe! What if he got ambushed or hurt? Thoughts flooded your head until it began to overflow. Your fingertips pushed the hair out of your face despite stubborn strands falling back as you paced the room.

You pause as you see the ‘typing…’ pop up on your chat with him and relief hits you instantly. You

CHAN: Hey, sorry for not messaging you. I got home within an hour of leaving yours and fell asleep really quickly. I can imagine how worried you must be. let's meet on campus? sorry …

He finally responded at 8:10AM. Your anxiety evaporated and you brushed it off for now and calmed yourself down.

However Chan didn't get home within the hour of departing from your home. He took a detour to a small convenience store to buy a simple iced tea and took a stroll down a bridge. He thought to himself, a lot. There are many things a person could think about when it comes to understanding a relationship, whether that may be platonic or romantic. It was a topic that was sensitive to him due to whatever happened in his dismal past thus choosing to ignore it and start afresh. He knew he was insecure and worried of losing your trust or that he might do something to upset you resulting in you not liking him. He felt on edge most of the time though he tried to push it to the side because he knew you were nothing but caring to him although he was worried that he wasn’t up to your expectations. It was a constant battle with himself and he didn't know how to deal with it. He walked the rest of his way home, exhausting himself as you rested peacefully. That's all that mattered to him. Chan is a person that thinks about his actions and the consequences to an extent that is damaging. He is incredibly fearful of doing things wrong or hurting people which explains why he chooses to not have many people in his circle unlike yourself as you rely on your wonderful friends. He couldn't tell exactly what he felt and how to put it into place, so he thought and thought over and over again until it was painful to even think again.

Chan lay in his bed with his towel dried hair and sighed at the ceiling. “leave it until tomorrow,” he said to himself. He unlocked his phone to message you but before he could tap a few letters into the keyboard, he curled up in his bed drifting soundly to sleep.

–

During the first period class, as the lecturer presented the class, Chan nudged you to grasp your attention. Your head turned first and your eyes followed; he seemed a little different today his curls were messier and his cheeks were rosier. You didn't know if your feelings were just making you hallucinate.

“what?” you whispered in a hushed tone.

“ I got you this,” Chan hands you under the theatre room desk. It was your favourite drink from the store you always go to with him, it was surprising he even remembered.

Your demeanour changes. You were excited over such a small thing that he remembered that it made your heart skip a beat.

“What are you going to do now?” Chan asked as you both walked side by side to leave the room.

“I’m not too sure to be honest, is there anything you wanted to do?” you ask him.

Chan thought for a moment. “Have you started the assignment yet? could we start it together?” he did and said anything to spend more time with you.

“you’re eager aren’t you,” you giggle, your cheeks blushing a roseate hue. He couldn’t say how much he wanted to be in your company so these excuses will have to do.

It was always assignments that got you and Chan to be together otherwise there would be no excuse for you guys to hang out. You weren't the most straight forward person and nor was he so beating around the bush was something you both had turns out which began to get frustrating. You and Chan sat next to each other at a table as you assisted each other with the assignment. He had an endearing habit of chewing the top of his pen when he was focused planning and to him, it was endearing that you would do piano taps on the table to keep focused. He made sure he was close to you, shoulders touching, knees touching under the table and faces a couple inches apart. You had to contain yourself, so you started biting your lips due to your nerves. Thoughts raced through your head as you gazed at Chan focused staring back at his notebook. You turned back and felt his knee touch yours, causing you to move your knees together tightly so they didn't hit him again. His company was pleasant.

After an hour or so, you tapped the back of Chan’s hand -

“what’s up?” his face was close to yours and you felt like you could just kiss him right now but you couldn't let your impulsive thoughts take over. You gulp as your eyes trail from his lips back to his hazel brown eyes.

“should we perhaps go now? we’ve been here for a while” you gulp as you try to maintain eye contact with him though the nerves began to creep up slowly but steadily.

“If you want to, let's go,” he closes his notebook and laptop. “do you want to see the sunset with me today, only if you want to of course I understand if you have other things to do,” he scratches the back of his head and lets out a slight nervous chuckle.

Your heart was beating out of its chest that it felt painful but you didnt turn down his invitation. He made a bold move and this was clearly a date! you were relieved that he could ask you out for something other than writing an essay…

“ Of course, that sounds really nice! I’ll go home and get changed and I'll meet you,” you tell him sweetly.

“i’ll come to yours and we can go together,” he smiles as he rests a hand on the side of your arm. Chan actually meant ‘let's go on a date and watch the sunset, i’ll pick you up’ but he didn't try to coerce you into something you didn't want such as going on a ‘date’.

–

You got ready and changed into something a little warmer. You checked your phone and instantly saw Chan’s name on the screen meaning he was waiting for you downstairs. Your hair was tied up today, a long, tan coat draping down your body. You and Chan walk side by side talking about all the intricacies of the world. Just you and him under a setting sun and the potential sight of the moon. Chan took you to a secluded area away where there was a perfect view of the sunset. “this is where I come sometimes when I need a break from everything,” he says as he sits down on the sand, looking out to the sunset looking over the ocean. It was like a small cove looking area that was separated away from the main beach.

The sound of the ocean crashing onto the warm beige sands; the beach was imbued with such serenity within that moment in time. It was later during the evening so people had gone home and it was just you and Chan. The gentle breeze misplaced a strand of your hair sticking to your lips until you felt a finger brush against it attempting to move it away. Within that moment, your eyes locked with his and for a moment you felt the world stop. The waves stopped crashing against the shore and the wind stopped, although that’s what you thought. You could tell from the way he looked at you something in him changed.

“Too close?” his dimples deepen as he smiles at you shyly.

Your cheeks were now visibly red from being incredibly flustered. “o-oh no! no, don't worry” you clear your throat as he continues to smile, furrowing his brows as he gazes endearingly at you.

You and Chan spoke about a plethora of things from dreams and ambitions to your childhood unlocking deep aspects that you haven't told anyone. You felt like it was safe with him, he felt safe to be around. This felt more like a date than hanging out but ‘date’ was never uttered so you thought to keep that idea to yourself except, Chan thought the exact same thing.

–

As you and Chan walk side by side down the promenade, his fingers twitch as you admire the view to your right. He gulped hard before clearing his throat before his fingers slipped between your fingers attaining your attention as you turned your head around instantly. Your cheeks flood a pink, then a red and your eyes widen as if you saw a ghost, turning pale; his fingers tightened and grasped your hand. Your mouth was agape, eyes doe eyed facing Chan as he simply smiled with red ears. He was just as nervous.

“I hope you don’t mind,” he gulps.

You process it for a moment. He’s holding my hand. Chan is holding my hand. He likes me. He actually likes me back. you stop for a moment and you move your hand away from his, now facing him.

“I really like you, I hope it’s not something that would push us apart because I know we’re good friends too and I want us to stay as good friends bu-” You cut Chan off his nervous rambling by laying a soft kiss on his pouty lips. He paused for a moment before he pulled you in and returned the favour. A million fireworks and an army of butterflies set off whilst a heavy weight from your shoulders ascended. Chan moved back slightly, the winsome sparkle in his eyes clasping your heart as his flushed cheeks were a soft rosy pink, you couldn't help but examine his face again and again. Although, to Chan, you were just as entrancing as if you were an angel set free to roam earth. Every inch of you, to him, was like fine china; so dainty and delicate and he knew he wanted nothing but for you to be happy and safe. Anything he did was for you.

From that day, the rose tinted glasses veiled the naive eyes of two new lovers.

Although, it wasn’t official as one would say. Feelings were mutual although there was no step further into the relationship. It was confusing but you knew he liked you back but you waited for the right moment and the right time.

–

You were on campus using the library for some study time since you had some exams approaching. Chan had a meeting prior to meeting you to study as you alway do although this time he was a little later than usual:

You: hey where are you? It's been over an hour. Should I meet you elsewhere?

You: I feel stupid sitting here alone :/

typing..

typing..

Chris Bang: Hey, I'm so sorry. The meeting went over a bit today but if you want we can go and study somewhere else instead of the library.

Chris Bang: the librarian is a bit moody sometimes and doesn't like it when we talk

You: Where were you thinking?

Chris Bang: how about at a coffee shop together, you like coffee right?

You: but you don't! it’s unfair on you

Chris Bang: I’ll get something else dont worry <3

The stupid heart again. Your heart fluttered and melted within seconds of reading his selfless messages. You wondered to yourself if he was truly human because of his genuine kindness and selflessness. You closed your notebook and laptop and slid them into your grey, leather tote that you decorated with keychains that he gifted to you for no reason. One was a pearly keychain with a white, clear puppy charm attached to one side; you saw it when you visited a store together and he instantly bought it for you. However, you were the same when it came to love languages. You bought him a necklace with a tiny bear charm in the centre because he knew how much you loved them so it felt like having you with him all the time. The sentimental gifts were one way to keep a part of him with you and vice versa. You got up from the booth you were sitting at and realised you dropped something. You crouched to grab it from under the table before knocking your head from underneath. You bit your lip to stop any noise leaving your mouth but the back of your head thumped from the collison.

“hey hey, are you alright?” you hear a concerned voice from behind and as your teary eyes meet Chan’s worried face, you feel at ease.

you nod, despite the back of your head hurting slightly. “Let's go before you get hurt again,” he whispered as his hand hovered, waiting for you to grab it. As you stood up, he gently ruffled your hair to tease you a little bit before you winced at him, swatting his hand away. He found it endearing but he knew you didn’t like it all the time so he kept it to a minimum.

Everything felt too good to be true.

–

The weather began to get colder considering it was around mid November now. You could barely  comprehend that summer went by so fast and it pained you to reminisce about it because of how amazing Chan made it for you - not that it usually isn’t but you get the idea. The icy air brushed the tip of your rosy red nose as your hands shovelled deeper into your coat pocket attempting to accumulate some warmth. You glanced to your right to see Chan with his hood over his head, his side profile peering from it. Your sharp inhale caught his attention as he turned his head to you slightly; “you alright?” he asks as he offers his gloves to you from his pocket without a second thought, it’s like he prepared himself.

you nod, “yeah, it’s just really cold and i’m so smart, I didn't bring a scarf with me,” you scoff at yourself.

“hm, maybe you should organise yourself a little more, good thing i’m pretty organised” his honey-like voice distracts you from the fact he removed his scarf from his neck and wrapped it around yours.

“ Wait, stand still for me,” he asks as he carefully secures it, the gentleness causing a tornado to whirl in your stomach. You were bewitched by Chan and his ascendant nature since he wasn’t worried about taking bold steps. You felt comfortable enough around him although your fervid feelings made you feel agitated at times.

You felt agitated because you knew you weren't just friends but you werent dating either so it was confusing. The anxiety consumed you from the inside out even though you knew what he saw you as.

–

The reason Chan kept it this way was simply because he was afraid of commitment and afraid that he would end up alone again. It was his fate to be left isolated from the world and he couldn't help but challenge it. He wanted to make sure that things would go smoothly and that his intrusive thoughts didn't get to him although it was a constant battle against him and himself, attempting to fight for something he really wanted.

–

His scent lingers on his scarf; A light lemon scent combined with a hint of apple, but the slightly sour green kind, with a sprinkle of spice and slight mintiness. During your daze, you and Chan end up at a coffee shop where he leads the way to a sequestered spot near the back of the cafe. “This is my favourite seat,” he says as he places his bag down along with his jacket. Your bag rests against the wooden panelled wall, painted a light beige tone as Chan turns to go to the counter.

“wait, wait for me!” you leave your things and your jacket at the booth.

“hey, it’s fine, I can get the things you si-”  

“nono, let me come with you,” you insisted.

Chan’s heart set free butterflies swarming his stomach when you insisted on joining him. It always happened whenever you would stand by him, brush fingertips on accident, the gentle nudge whenever you look over to his notes or whenever he’s showing you something, whenever he accidentally bumps into you when you suddenly stop walking - a habit of yours you never knew you had. It was the small things that made his heart ache, his stomach flutter and his cheeks burn up by his nerves. You had an impact on him and yet you were left unaware of it.

You and Chan stood side by side waiting to order at the counter. You scan the comprehensive menu that had a million different combinations - maybe a million was an exaggeration. You couldn’t decide between a coffee or a cold pressed juice or perhaps a smoothie? The choices you had were almost impossible to choose from until you turned to Chan to ask for his opinion.

“hey Chan,” you tug at his sleeve, his cheeks blazing red.

“u-uh yeah,” he turns to you, gulping hard.

“Firstly, are you okay, you look really hot?” The choice of words were interesting but you went with it.

“oh yeah, i’m fine! i think the heating in here is on full,” he chuckles nervously.

“ohh yeah, I suppose it is. I was meant to ask, what are you getting?” you point at the menu.

Chan takes a moment to decide. “What do you want?” he asks

“I don't know, that’s why I'm asking you?” You prod his arm.

“oh well choose 2 things,” he says calmly.

“umm I liked the hazelnut latte and the green apple and berry smoothie,” you carefully read the menu.

“Then we’ll get those!” he decides before going to the counter to order without telling you what he wanted. He ordered both the things you wanted and you were left speechless, why was he like this.

During that evening, you both worked on things you had to do for your assignments while sipping on your drinks. “Can I try the smoothie?” you ask Chan. He nods and pushes the tall glass to you. You share the same straw as him, sipping the smoothie; “mm I made a good choice this is really good!” you return the glass with a ring of your lip gloss around the straw. Chan didn’t care. His lips place itself on the straw from where you drank, the rush of nerves and butterflies swarming through his body. To him, you were angelic; the way you spoke to him in a soft tone, whenever you found something funny and gently pushed him or hit his arm he found it extremely endearing. Whenever your head was absorbed into your textbooks or study or the habit you had of having your forehead creased as if you were angry was endearing to him and the way you’d chew the inside of your cheek and had to remind you to stop. All the small things made his heart flutter

–

You and Chan left the café at closing time after spending 90% of the time talking about something unrelated to the topic you were writing about, laughing with him and exchanging looks full of adoration. You never felt happier. You walked together, endlessly talking about a myriad of random things that seemed to be engaging for both you and Chan. It was the small acts of service that would send you into a daze like pulling you in front of him when careless people run by or when your earring got stuck onto his bracelet when he tried to take a leaf out of your hair but was gentle with you. It was the small things you loved so much, your heart physically couldn't take it.

–

As hours passed, the clouds began to appear, heavy, ready to set the torrential rain charging down to  brawl with the concrete and leaves.

“It’s about to give us a rainstorm…” Chan sighs as he looks up before the heavy raindrops descend from the sky. You squeal at the cold drops of water gradually drenching you before you reach out to grab Chan’s hand. Who knew it would rain the day you forgot to bring your umbrella…

“I think we should go home,” you say as you hold his hand to guide him back to your place in the torrential rain. It was rather sweet how during the whole route home, Chan held his jacket over you to try and keep you as dry as possible although it was no use. The rain pounded the ground in rage as the wind roared fiercely; it wasn’t a pleasant experience.

–

The doors to your flat open up and the warmth collides with you like two elements combining; like fire and water. Luckily your accommodation complex was always warm during the winter time. Your hair was dripping in water as well as Chan’s hair too; “oh no, everything is drenched!” You gasp at his hoodie that felt like a soaked sponge, the palms of your hands pressing against his chest examining the saturated attire.

His hands gently wrap around the wrists moving them down, away from the hoodie with a smile full of endearment;  “It’ll dry up soon, don't worry,” he smiles. Even though you both were stuck in bad weather, he managed to make you feel safe and happy first.

<< For Chan, it was the lack of safety he had that made him so unbearingly cautious of you and your safety. He wanted to make sure you were safe and happy with him, it was the least he could do by giving, if he couldn’t receive it in the first place >>

There was an odd feeling in your stomach that evening, something felt like it had shifted and was ought to happen although you brushed it off. It was a typical thing for you to feel when you and Chan were alone together. You felt sorry for him for having to hang out with someone who did the same thing day after day, you felt sorry you didn’t make things interesting despite trying but he didn't seem to mind. He seemed to always be immersed into anything and everything you had to say, do, or show. But why did he keep things as ‘just friends’?

–

It was late. You and Chan hadn’t stayed out for this long since you met and it felt somewhat rebellious, not to anyone in particular but mostly to yourself. It felt like Chan would whisk you away to somewhere so far away, where it would only be you and him. Nothing else in the world would compare to that. You tapped in your keycard to get into your building, Chan closely walking behind you; The sliding doors closed behind you, your footsteps resounding in the hallway as you walked towards the elevator. Your fingers itched but you clenched them tightly, digging your nails into your palms; glancing over to your side, you see Chan with his gentle smile as he tugs at the strings on his drenched hoodie. You press the button. No one was around, not a single student in the building was walking around at this time, considering it was 4:10AM. You press the up button to the elevator and wait for it to descend to the ground floor. “Thank you for tonight, this was the most fun I have ever had,” your voice was hushed and soft only for him to hear. Chan lowered himself to your face; “Thank you for giving me your time and allowing me to take you out for this long” the huskiness was soft and gentle, especially when he was speaking in a softer tone. You both stepped into the elevator and pressed the 6th floor since that was the floor your room was. Once the doors close, you turn to look at Chan; you both exchange a few looks. The energy was tense and you felt like something would happen and it did to your surprise. Chan’s palms cup your jaw as his lips press firmly against yours. It felt desperate, as if he had been holding back for a long time. Your cheeks burn up, your heart races and your forehead forms beads of sweat from the sudden surge of emotions. You froze, not in fear, but in shock. You didn’t know what to do and quite frankly, there was a lot but instead you leaned your body against the metallic wall of the elevator, your hands clenched towards your chest and eyes closed tightly. A million thoughts in a millisecond hasten intensifying your anxiety about everything within that moment. To him, it seemed like it didn’t matter; He parted away from you and let you open your eyes to comprehend what he did. “I’m sorry, I didn't mean to shock you like that I just–” he sounded regretful, gulping so harshly as you watched his throat, your eyes gazing back up at him again.

“it’s fine,” you mumbled, trying to gather your thoughts, attempting to fathom his actions.Though from that moment, it did feel a little awkward and your response was worse than anything else you could have said.

You got to your floor and opened your room with your keycard taking off your jacket and throwing it onto the floor because it was still wet, pulling your hair tie out from your hair to let it down. You turn around to Chan who hung his head low, chewing his inner cheek, his solemn expression making his aura grey and dismal.

You clear your throat and take a step towards him.

“You can try again,” you whisper to him, “but please take your wet hoodie off,” You giggle. Chan’s face changes from a sad frown to a confused expression although his face also had relief written all over it. His eyes shot up in confusion and disbelief. “Wait, you didn't mind? you’re not mad?” the franticness of his tone causing Chan to stutter.. you shook your head.

And so, he slipped his hoodie off his body. “Seems like this is wet too…” he tugs at his t-shirt, the mischievous character slipping out within this moment as he starts becoming comfortable.

Without words being exchanged, without any more time being wasted Chan was cupping your face as his lips collided onto yours. The desperation in his bearing conveying to you everything he wanted. His lips brushed against yours like an ocean on an empty shoreline, like the universe paired you guys together like the ocean and the shore, like the moon and the sun; you both already knew you couldn’t live without each other. Chan inches closer to the edge of your bed. You melted into him, the way his lips would trail from your wet lips down to your jaw, to your neck and back to your lips again. You hesitated for a moment as your fingertips hooked under hist-shirt, halting Chan briefly before he eagerly pulled it over his head, casting it to the floor without a care. Living with this hellish anxiety about Chan seemed to dissipate as if he were a celestial being. It felt like you were living in hell with heaven right by your side. Chan’s teeth nip the tender skin on your neck, your gasp alerting him. “are you okay with this?” He asks with a worrisome tone in his voice. You nod your head, your fingers entangled between his locks, your fingertips grazing over his cheeks and lips ever so lightly. He left more kisses, whilst you placed your hands under his shirt holding him closer to you. One thing led to another as impulsive decisions were made between the two but you didn't care. You liked him a lot to the point you would definitely call it love. He loved you more than anything. The intimacy between you and Chan was all that mattered, you wanted nothing more than that.

Chirping birds sang their song at the break of dawn, the gentle sun peeking through the gaps of your blinds. Slowly, you open your eyes to see Chan on the other side of your once vacant bed. His messy locks lay across your pillow before he turns to face you again still soundly asleep and resting. His fingers twitched in his sleep, his eyebrows furrowing as though he saw something unsettling or fearsome. He did it again, his lips frowning in his sleep, was he having a nightmare or bad dream of some sort? You shuffled closer to him, wanting his arms to go around you again and within that instance, his arms held you close. It was a tight grasp however considering his dream, you were someone he needed then.

–

A few months went by labelless again. You and Chan did ‘couple’ things without the official title and you didn’t know why yet you didn't want to instigate a conversation about it in case it caused any problems which you strongly doubted.

You, Chan and your other friends met up again one evening at Yeji and Hyunjin’s house for a gathering the Hwangs organised since it had been a while they invited you around.

“Wow, it’s changed so much since we were kids!” you point at the new decor and wallpaper.

“I remember how we used to joke about pushing you down the stairs,” Han laughs and nudges you. “ah yes how could I forget, YOU were throwing a tantrum because you wanted something from Hyunjin’s room and he said no so that was your first instinct!” you nudge back. Reminiscing about your past with them felt as if you were reliving your past; you turned to Chan and he seemed reserved, sitting on the couch next to you his head hanging low. You duck under to peer at him though his woeful expression worried you slightly. You poke his shoulder and inaudibly mouth ‘are you okay?’. He returns a simple nod.

You and Han teased each other, as best friends do, although Chan felt quite protective of you at that moment and put his arm around you pulling you towards him. It definitely isn't malicious at all although you felt like the others were gawking at you right now.

Yeji leans over and whispers to your ear; “since when?” although you hush her by putting your index finger on your lips.

–

The beaming pearly moon shone over you and Chan as you both walked side by side, hand in hand. “You know, the moon is so pretty isn’t it?” you stop for a moment, admiring the floating orb.

“It really is..” Chan says softly as he gazes lovingly at you. His heart began thumping aggressively out of his chest, his throat becoming dry from being so flustered. You turn to him, your sweet smile releasing an explosion of confetti in his stomach. He couldn't help but smile. He inched closer, only a couple centimetres from your face before setting a soft, gentle kiss on your lips.

Everything felt perfect ~

The following few months stayed the same, just you and Chan visiting each other everyday. He visited your apartment so often, it was as if he lived there. You had so much planned for the future with Chan it was like the universe gifted you a blessing in disguise. Though something so beautiful blossomed, there was a pit in Chan’s stomach he couldn’t get rid of.

Self hatred,regret, insecurity, anxiety. The whole lot came crashing down, ruining his parade of emotions he had been enduring over the last few months. He tried to fight it and ward it off like an evil spirit but it came back, again and again. He didn’t know why he felt so much hate towards himself, constantly beating himself down to the ground when he knew he didn’t do anything wrong. It was all tough up until he had the opportunity to forget everything when he was with you, leaving any self destructive behaviour behind. He felt like he was back on track. His past was something you were unaware of since he kept it hidden and locked away, confined to the depths of his mind. He didn’t know whether he could be there for you all the time not because he didn’t love and care, but because he was so unsure about himself and whether he could handle the tragic effects of his unknown past. He didn’t tell you because he was afraid you’d leave and that would destroy him, being the reason for his demise.

But it takes courage.

Chan stares at his ceiling wondering what to do after seeing you so happy, patiently waiting for an answer that he knew you were waiting for despite not asking him. He pondered how to approach what he wanted to say; over text? too cruel. Over the phone? too cold and heated. Not at all? definitely a devilish thing to do. He knew what he had to do whilst feeling an excruciating tension in his chest whilst thinking about it. He fiddles with the necklace you bought him and reflected on the time he spent with you. The experiences he fulfilled with you. The things he took from you and couldn’t give back in case you regretted everything you did with him. He knew he was building up his walls again due to his past and the corruption that he, himself, endured.

You got a call from Chan on a random evening.You remembered the date clearly.. The blinds were slightly open as the breeze meandered through the slits into your bedroom circulating the small interior. You stood in the middle of your bedroom, with a smile on your face, since Chan called you. Hearing his voice was like medicine to you, it made you feel happier whenever you had a bad day or something of the sort. You tapped the green answer button and raised the phone to your ear as you continued to tidy your bedroom. Your cheeks ached from smiling so much since you missed him every second of every day.

Except, something wasn't right… Your stomach twisted into a knot.

Chan’s voice wasn't elated as it usually is. He didn’t sound happy or sad or excited or anything. He sounded serious, which wasn't like him at all. You clear your throat;

“Hey, are you alright Chan? Are you sick?” you ask him worried if he needed your help.

“hey, no i’m fine..” he pauses, “well kind of i don't know.. I wanted to ask if we could meet?” He asks.

“Of course Chan, i’ve just cleaned my apartment, did you want to come over? you suggested sounding rather fretful.

Chan thought for a while, this was a very important decision. “I can meet you at your place,” he said with slight hesitation.

Chan had been in a situation that had made him feel like he was a burden to anyone that he came into contact with. Despite his overwhelming, undying love for you he felt like it was too much for him to bear. Not you; the idea of eventually disappointing you with the possibility of you leaving him, loathing him, resenting him because of him. Of course he trusted you so much, he could trust you with his life however there was a feeling of guilt, worry, and an amalgamation of other things fused into one emotion. He didn’t want to hurt you and make you feel any bitterness towards him since he knew how much you loved him. He sat in his bedroom a few minutes before the phone call to you wondering what to say and how to say it but it was better said in person. He didn't want you to waste your time on someone that was seen as unreliable except no one understood his feelings like you did. That was the problem. You understood yet he refused to believe there was someone who did, someone made for him, someone who was tied to him with the string of fate.  He ignored everything and went with what he thought was right; Sometimes following the heart is better than your mind..

‘You didn't do anything wrong’ that's all he wanted to tell you but it would sound like excuses. Chan was too close with chaos to the point where fear and chaos resided comfortably in his head slowly eating at his fragmented mind. He felt like he entered an eternal darkness that was difficult to escape, he was truly trapped now.

–

Chan sat next to you, your eyes glinting in the winter sunlight that broke through the blinds. You sat against your headboard smiling at Chan with deep admiration, just as you would usually when you were with him. He gulped before he spoke. “So…” he began with a hefty sigh, “ I don’t think we should become anything more than friends,” he sets it straight and clear slightly choking up on his words.. You stare at him with a blank expression your smile immediately fading to nothing, the words you wanted to say were getting stuck in your throat. It was painful. You wanted to say so much, so many questions yet not one came out and all you could do is stare at him. “I understand if there isn't much to say and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings or lead you on and I know we did things you’ll regret and I took things from you I cannot return…,” he explains, his voice cracking at every moment he felt his heart break. “I understand if you don't want to see me again or hate me but you are so amazing, someone else would do a better job at being good to you,” he spewed absurd words at you that spiralled into your head and made you feel faint and overwhelmed but you listened because you really cared about him.

“you were nothing but amazing and I want you to know that you have done nothing for me to make this decision,” he said. “I don’t think, right now, I’m in the right state to be there for you, to protect you and to love you in the right way. I dont think I’m simply fit enough to be someone that you can be in love with.”

– “I don’t think i’m good enough for you and for whatever reason, I cannot tell you why…”

– “ For you, someday, … I wish I could give you all my love to you but I can’t help the way I feel and it hurts just as much it hurts you.”

He rambles. He lets himself say everything he felt explaining himself from start to finish. You filled your lungs with air and inhaled sharply before deciding to respond to Chan. “I understand,” you say. Nothing more, nothing less. You watched his expression change from somewhat fine to teary-eyed before he snapped and released a waterfall of tears.

“Please understand that everything I did and I said, I meant with my whole heart and I wouldn't change a single thing I endured with you,” he swallowed his words struggling to speak as his tears overthrew him. “you deserve so much more than this.”

“I understand you Chan, please don’t be upset,” you hold yourself back from exploding into tears, your heart cracking every millisecond. You have never, not once, seen Chan in such a vulnerable state, sobbing, eyes puffy and red. “Don’t cry or be upset,” you try to comfort him, brushing his cheeks dry, even though in that moment your heart was shattering into a million pieces, your soul was crushed and everything you ever feared arose from the dead. Your stomach knotted and your throat tightened making it harder for you to share your feelings but all you could do is force him a broken smile.

Chan stood up, drying his eyes and clearing his throat. “We can stay as friends and eventually we’ll be okay, right?” he puts his hands on your shoulders, gazing into your eyes that were already pooling at the sight of him. You nod without a second thought. This was a complicated relationship from the start but you couldn’t blame him. You wanted to kiss him but you couldn’t. He wanted to kiss you but he just explained why he couldn't be with you putting you both in a vulnerable state. Chan didn’t want to give you false hope but he couldn't help it so he pulled you close cupping one side of your tear-stained cheek setting a passionate, hard kiss onto your lips. You melted into him, fusing your fragmented heart with his as your eyes let the teardrops run down your cheek. This wasn’t a goodbye, yet it felt like it since the dynamic of you and Chan has completely changed now. You didn’t blame him, you never would. Once he parted away from you, drying your tears from your face, he took a step back and brushed his hands down his face and took a deep breath; “I'm sorry, I shouldn’t have continued to give you false hope…you shouldn’t have felt anything for me…i’m so sorry”

You shake your head, tears streaming uncontrollably down your cheeks.

“If you don’t feel comfortable at any point of us being friends, let me know okay?” He still cared about you so you wondered how it would all go from now on. “i’ll see you soon…” he tries to break a smile from under all the sorrow. You nod.

The door closes. As it does, you stand against it before sliding down with your hands in your palms sobbing by yourself, your heart aching from the heartbreak you were suffering. You sobbed to yourself for a while until you felt numb. As Chan gets home, he sits on the edge of his bed feeling parts of his heart empty and void. What has he done? He blames himself for hurting you, for being an awful friend, for being an awful person. He hated what he just created, he felt as though he should’ve kept quiet. All he wanted was for you to be happy although he ruined it even more.He grips onto his hair tightly as he lets himself loose, sobbing to himself on the floor. He needed something more to distract but there was nothing. He takes the sleeve of his hoodie to dry his face before lying on his back staring at his ceiling for hours on end.

You both looked at your phones to message each other but it didn’t feel right.

1:23 AM you sit on your bed squeezing a plushie for comfort as you surveyed the luminous, consoling orb that is situated in the centre of the sky outside of your bedroom window. The luminosity comforted you as you stared at it; despite tumultuous emotions and irrepressible tears you coped, the moon felt like a friend that gave you a gentle hug. You already missed the sweetness that you once had between you and Chan, his gentle hugs especially when he nuzzled his head into the nook of your neck or when he held your hands when they were turning a crimson in the bleak winter weather. He cared a lot about you so you didn’t understand why he halted anything from becoming more. ‘we can stay as friends right’ - those words echoed in your head. You knew it would be a lot for you to overcome these feelings but would he do the same? Would it take a long time? You didn't know, although you had all these questions that were left unanswered.

Time went on.

Everything felt unfamiliar when you returned to your classes even though he sat next to you and tried to make you smile. He slid a peach tea next to you before the class started but when your eyes met it was a different story. “Thank you,” you croaked before clearing your throat. You didn't open it but you put it in your bag as you tried to hold your tears back.

“how are you today?” he asked. The audacity of Chan asking that very question when you were left in tears and pain. “fine I guess,” you lied.

“I know you’re not fine, I'm sorry…” he whispered. You wanted to disappear at that moment but you simply shrugged and brushed it off.

The same thing occurred almost everyday until you began to meet your friends more and gradually tried to ignore and get over the harsh emotions you were feeling.

You: Hey

Chan: Hi

You: how are you?

Chan: the same

Chan: you?

You: i’m okay

*you lie again*

Chan: That's good, I'm happy you’re feeling better. I’ve got a part time job for the summer.

You: oh that’s cool! i hope it goes well, all the best

He’s moving on. A part of your heart felt empty almost as if it wasn’t fully healed from everything just yet but it would be easier if he moved on first. It would hurt much less than you leaving him first but Chan thought otherwise. He didn't want to leave the feelings behind first because he fell harder than he should have. Seeing you move on, to him, hurt less since he turned you down first and he felt guilty for it as if he were a villain. There was more than one shattered heart and only one was healing.

September. Autumn.

A new season and a new academic year approaches which also means your birthday was close by. You started to go into your classes later and leave later even though he wasn't in your class anymore since he chose different units. There were very few lectures you did share with him yet he sat at the front alone and it felt awkward to sit with him when there wasn’t much conversation over summer, only a few hey’s and how are you’s. That’s what broke you ever so slightly, you were drifting apart and you could feel the bond tear.

You walk through the campus and you see him walking in the opposing direction and you pretend not to see him because you couldn't face him but he called out your name;

“hey!” he waves at you, a softish smile paints his face as his eyes sparkle as he looks at you. you remembered that smile and how he used to squeeze you tight whilst smiling like that. You stopped for a moment and blankly glared in his direction confused about what he wanted to talk about.

“Happy birthday,” he says softly. He wanted to say ‘I love you’ but he put himself in a situation where it was impossible for you to go back to those feelings when you were ready to move on. He wanted to give you a hug and tell you how much he missed you but he was far gone from the opportunity.

“thank you,” you respond. A simple thank you and a smile. What more could have been said?

You hoped to be loved by him again although it felt far from that now. Despite Chan saying it wasn’t you, it felt like it. It felt like you weren't enough, unloveable and undesirable but the moments you shared with him also proved otherwise so you were conflicted with a myriad of feelings in the moment. You just wanted him to comfort you, to love you, to be yours but none of that was plausible anymore. He’s moved on and so have you, bittersweet yet something you both could learn from; it was just an instance of being the right person at the wrong time. From being someone you thought you’d be close to forever, you both seemed to have turned into strangers instead.

You lied again, you didn’t stay as friends anymore. Time found a way to rupture the bond you had left hanging by a strong and eradicated what was left. You missed him and every moment you spent with him from start to finish and despite the harrowing emotional warfare you met along the way, you missed Chan’s sweetness. His pureness and honesty was something you appreciated since he went above and beyond to make you feel as happy as possible but one wrong idea cast the relationship into ruin.

[xskzmangoxx]

H I D D E N D E M O N S - bang chan

Chapter 2 ;

Description : Bang chan, an ordinary twenty two years old man, as he may look. ready to leave for his military service, but something stopped him. someone discovered his secret, someone,you, found out who he really was, the thing he kept hidden deep within him. and he couldn't risk it. what he didn't know, is that he'd risk the both of your lives trying to save his own, his selfishness striking once again.

Tw: swearing and a tiny bit of violence!

Seoul, Gangseo-gu, 13 AM

The morning was rough, a thumping pain craved in his head as he slowly opened his eyes. The sun was already high up in the sky and the hot temperature of the room told Chan to hurry and get out of his bed as quick as possible.

He realized how late it was and jumped out of his bed, quickly putting on a jean he randomly found on his desk and ran to his kitchen, grabbing a banana and rushing out of his apartment, his computer under his arm.

His boss gave him the week to finish his unfinished work then he'd definitely leave the company, jobless and desperate. He rushed in his studio, bumping into many shoulders on his way. When he was about to open the small room he usually spent hours in, he noticed a figure standing in front of it, examining it.

He quietly approached them and frowned, a feeling of insecurity and fear rushed trough his veins. He clicked his tongue and slightly pushed the woman who looked really intrigued in his room.

"Could you please leave, miss.." he squinted, reading the small fonts on her blazers. "Y/N, i have work to do." He said slightly annoyed that someone was already annoying. He didn't even start and yet someone was already not letting do what he had to do.

"Ah, excuse me.. Bang Chan right?" She smiled and extended her hand out, looking brightly at him. He huffed and closed the door, locking himself in his little bubble.

"Time to produce." He clapped in his hands and put his computer down, connecting the many flash drives to it. He set down his set and looked trough his many papers, searching for the lyrics he wrote yesterday in the bus. Something about anger, possessiveness and fear, exactly what he felt these days.

He was already putting his headphones on, ready to tap on his keyboard to create a sound that would satisfy him when a loud knock stopped him in his tracks. He grunted and got up, harshly opening the door only to face the same woman as earlier. He rolled his eyes and waited.

"I'm sorry if i'm disturbing you in your work Mr Bang but we really need to talk. I'm Miss Y/N as you noticed earlier, i'm the new producer. I'll be replacing you starting next week. So i'm here to see how you work and to adapt to thr studio i'll spend my days in!" She said excited and tried to peek in the interior of the small room, chan's chest blocking her view.

"Can't this wait next week?" he spat at her, definitely not in the mood to spend his day with someone. She shook her head and smiled again, her rosy cheeks liting up and her eyes hiding behind her crescent lids. He sighed and bit his tongue in annoyance. He opened the door and went back to sit on his chair.

"If you make one single noise i put you in the recording room." He quickly say and put on his headphones, looking at the work he's started last night. She pursed her lips and intertwined her hands behind her back, bouncing on her feet. She looked around and opened her mouth in amazement.

"Wow.. this is really cool!" she exclaimed pointing to the huge speakers at the back of the room. Chan cracked his neck, keeping in his anger for himself, containing himself of creating another scene again.

"Okay but hm.. may i ask why you're fired? You seem to be doing a really good job.. except for you attitude but eh." She asked, bending towards him, looking at his computer.

He snapped his head to her and glared.

Even though her words annoyed the hell out of me it made him think back of his actions.

why did he snap like that? after seven years of working here and bearing his infuriating colleagues, yesterday was the final straw he could endure. Kang InHa, lyricist and composer of many kpop groups, aka one of his many enemies, tried to tease him during an important meeting.

"Bang Channie, it's been so long since i last saw your cute cheeks!" The tall and arrogant man said approaching the younger and cupped his cheeks. Chan breathed in and politely stepped back ignoring the snarky remark. "So what, you won't greet back your superior?" He smirked ruffling the curly blonde haired one. Chan tilted his head, clearly annoyed and bowed politely.

"Hello Mr.Kang." He gritted trought his teeth and sat down with his other colleagues. Sadly for him he was sitting right next to InHa. The older not hesitating to tease him a bit more.

"The boss isn't here yet, so, i've heard you've been producing really good songs huh?" He started, nodding and clapping in his hands, attracting everyone's attention. Chan hated being the center of the attention, it made his anxiety worst and his emotions were suddenly uncontrollable.

"Sadly enough i have to perfect them, and it's a real hard job you know. And those lyrics, are you okay Channie? It looks like you're going trough something really heard these days! My studio is always open if you want to talk about it. You know depression and society critics isn't really what people like to listen to."

'What a snake' chan thought, feelings his blood boiling.

"And that song.. hero's soup i think. It's about a father-son relationship right? But i thought you didn't have on-" Enough was enough. His nerves were now talking and Chan got up, grabbing InHa tie tightly, lifting him up a bit.

"You, shut, it, now." He barked, pushing him to the floor, looking down at him and rolling his eyes, leaving the room with shaky legs.

But this already happened, regretting now is useless, it won't change.

"None of your business, just keep your mouth shut." He snapped his teeth and got back to work.

The girl sighed and sat in one of the orange chairs. She rested her head in her palm and looked at the big screen in front of her. She was bored, she actually thought that he would have been a bit more friendly and that she would spend a nice week with him.

"Could have at least explained me how all of this worked.." She whispered, sighing deeply.

Soon enough she heard a soft music coming out from the speakers and it caught her attention. Her lazy eyes travelled up to the big screen and saw that he almost finished another track.

He's definitely a working machine. She thought and smiled. She listened and felt herself drifting to sleep as the melody was really soft almost like a lullaby. And she fell asleep, laying back in the chair, mouth opened with little snores here and there.

Chan finished his shift, considering that he started really late, half a day wasn't enough to finish a song but he was proud of what he made. Instead of perfectioning "Grr" he preferred creating "Sunshine" which would lift his mood a little. And it did. He felt less tensed and even forgot about the girl's presence in his studio.

So when he turned around and saw her laying legs spread on the chair and snoring it really surprised him. He sighed and left her in the studio, not locking the door.

He made his way to the bus stop and put his earphones in, listening to some lo-fi music to keep him calm and composed. But a loud screech rang in his ears and he grimaced, recognizing the voice.

"Chan!!" she yelled running after him, holding some papers in her hands. She stopped next to him and catched her breath softly. "Y-you forgot this on your desk!" she smiled handing him the paper that were a bit crumpled now. He quickly took them back realizing that it wasn't lyrics but his journal.

"You didn't read that right?" he asked panicked, his heartbeat quickening again, and his veins popping out on his hands. "N-no." She said, looking away and blushing a bit. Soon the bus arrived and Chan quickly got in, ignoring the girl.

She lied, she had in fact read that. She regretted but it only made her more intrigued about Chan's character.

[skzchan]

Chapter 10: Together At Last

Chapter Ten Soundtrack: Can’t Help Myself - Eric Nam

Word Count: 400 Pairing/Ship: Changlix - Lee Felix and Seo Changbin Genre: Fluff, Angst, AU Warnings: BoyxBoy Kissing

“Lix, baby.” Changbin ran into Felix’s room, where Lucian, Heather, and Chan were surrounding a still crying Felix. He was shaking and sniffling and his bed covers were up to his chin. Changbin could feel tears threatening to fall at any time. Changbin shook his head and crawled onto the bed towards where Felix was hiding himself.

 “Baby, I’m here. It’s okay. No one will ever hurt you again.” Changbin reassured the sobbing, younger boy. Changbin positioned himself under the cover beside Felix at a good hugging angle and grabbed the frail boy in his arms.

 “Changbin,” Felix let tears stream down his face, you could hear in his voice that he’d been crying for hours, “I di-didn’t ch-cheat.”

 “I know, baby. I know.” Changbin placed a gentle kiss on Felix’ forehead as he pulled the smaller boy closer to his body. He wrapped his arms farther around Felix and swayed slowly, rocking Felix in hope to calm him. By now, the room had emptied and Changbin had Felix all to himself, though if he knew his friends, they were eavesdropping just outside Felix’s door.

 “Lix,” Changbin spoke softly, gaining Felix’s gaze, “Will you be my boyfriend?” Felix smiled through his tears.

 “Of course.” Felix’s voice was raspy from crying for hours. Changbin smiled and pulled Felix down on top of him as he laid down on Felix’s bed. Felix shuffled himself up so his face was hovering over Changbin’s. One of Felix’s hand made it’s way up to Changbin’s cheek and the other was guiding Changbin’s arms around his waist. Felix placed his soft lips on the older boy’s, entrancing him in a kiss. The two boys’ lips moved in sync, following the other movements. Changbin bit at Felix bottom lips and Felix opened his mouth, giving way to Changbin’s tongue. Their tongue’s moved together for a while until Felix broke the kiss to gasp for air.

 “I’ve never kiss anyone like that, hyung.” Felix breathily admitted to Changbin, who gave the boy on top of him a big, genuine smile.

 “You can just call me Bin.” Changbin offered Felix.

 “What about Binnie?” Felix asked, pushing it slightly, but of course, Changbin gave in as soon as Felix brought out the puppy dog eyes.

 “I love you, Lix.” Changbin placed a soft kiss on the younger’s lips once again.

 “I love you too, Binnie.” Felix did the same.

[skzchan]

Chapter 7: Hurting

Word Count: 396

Pairing/Ship: Changlix - Lee Felix and Seo Changbin 

Genre: Fluff, Angst, AU

Warnings: None

The floor of the stairwell was now tear-stained by Felix who was still on his knees. Tears flowed out of him like water out of the ocean and through winding rivers. Felix was a teary disaster. He tried to pull himself up with the door handle, only to fall back down, crying even harder. His body hurt from the biting and trembled from every pinch and touch. He’d been violated and not only that, but publicly. And to top it all off, Changbin saw the whole thing. Why? Why him? Why now? Felix tried to pull himself up again, this time succeeding. He managed to get himself through the doors of the library before falling to his knees in tears again.

 “Felix! What happened? What’s wrong?” Chan ran over to him whimpering boy, concern in his tone and covering his face. Chan knelt down beside the younger, caressing him kindly.

 “L- Lawrence… to- touched… m- e… he… saw… th- the who- le thi- thing…” Felix managed to get out between sobs.

 “Who saw, Felix?” Chan asked.

 “Changbin!” Felix cried out. He started crying even louder.

 “Oh no.” Chan let out in a breath. He grabbed Felix by the shoulders and lifted him gently. Chan hadn’t talked to Felix too much about his relationship with Changbin, but he knew that Felix really liked him.

 “Come on Felix, let sit okay.” Chan guided the crying, younger boy to a seat. Chan sat down on one of the few couches in the library and sat Felix beside him, caressing him in a comforting embrace. Chan rubbed small circles on Felix’s back, in aim of calming him down.

 “Felix, when you’re ready, can you try and tell me what happened?” Chan asked, softly. Felix nodded, his breathing slowing down to a normal pace and his crying beginning to stop.

 “Lawrence t-touched me,” Felix sniffed, explaining to Chan what had happened, “And Changbin s-saw him touching me a-and I th-think that he th-thought I was ch-cheating. H-he s-stormed off.” Felix starting crying again, he’d never do anything to hurt Changbin. Although they’d only been dating for a short time Felix cared deeply about Changbin. He’d even dare to say he loved Changbin, so never in a million years would Felix even think of cheating. Lucian and Heather approached Felix and Chan.

[skzchan]

Chapter 9: An Explanation

Word Count: 456

Pairing/Ship: Changlix - Lee Felix and Seo Changbin

Genre: Fluff, Angst, AU

Warnings: Some Harsh Language, Some Violence

Changbin turned around to face Lucian.

 “What do you want, Lu? Because if it’s about that asshole I don’t want to hear it.” The hurt could be heard in Changbin’s voice as he spoke, his head hung and shaking back and forth.

 “You might want to reconsider after you hear what we have to say,” Lucian suggested, his hurting friend. Changbin sighed.

 “Felix was cheating. He was being harassed.” As soon as the words left Lucian’s mouth, Changbin was standing.

 “He what?!” Changbin yelled, anger boiling through his veins. He hoped he heard Lucian wrong.

 “He was getting harassed… By Lawrence.” Lucian put emphasis on the word that made Changbin’s toes curl. Someone hurt Felix. Someone had hurt his Felix.

 “And probably because that bitch Cecile told him to. Bin, she probably wants your Felix to herself.” Heather played off of Changbin’s anger, riling him up to set a bitch straight. Changbin’s fists were curled so tight he’d begun digging cuts in his palms cause by his fingernails.

 “No one touches my Felix,” Changbin growled. Lucian held up Changbin’s bike keys in front of him. Heather had taken Changbin’s keys and brought his bike with her and Lucian. Changbin grabbed his keys and ran as fast as he could to the parking lot of the abandoned zoo. He didn’t even bother to put on his helmet. He sped off like lightning towards the school.

“I’m gonna fuck that bitch up!” Changbin screamed before he entered the school, stomping to the last period class he knew Felix shared with Cecile. He entered the classroom.

 “Ma’am, may I speak to Cecile.” Changbin smiled sweetly at the teacher, then his glare traced the classroom until he found Cecile. He had noticed that Felix wasn’t in class, but he couldn’t focus too much on it now, he had to teach Cecile a lesson.

 “I suppose. But make it quick.” The teacher sighed, motioning Cecile out of the class. Changbin led Cecile out to the hall.

 “Changbin, did Felix cheat on you?” Cecile put on a fake sympathy act. Changbin curled his fist once again. He lifted it up and clocked Cecile right in the nose.

 “AHHHHH! MY NOSE!” Cecile screamed in pain, but more so in horror that Changbin broke her nose, affecting her ‘effortlessly good looks’.

 “Stay away from my Felix. Or next time a punch to the face will be the least of your worries.” Changbin hissed his threat. The classroom door swung open and the teacher came rushes towards them, a flock of students followed behind.

 “To the principal’s office NOW!” The teacher pointed at Changbin, who had already started making his way down the hall. Of course, Changbin knew he was suspended, but he didn’t care.

[skzchan]

Chapter 5 - Evil Brewing

Chapter Five Soundtrack: FXXK IT - BIGBANG

Word Count: 302

Pairing/Ship: Changlix - Lee Felix and Seo Changbin 

Genre: Fluff, Angst, AU

Warnings: Some Harsh Language

The next day, Felix sat with Changbin and his friends at lunch. This was the first time Felix had ever sat with anyone at lunch, let alone a group of people. He didn't know what to do.

"So, what happened with you two last night?" Lucian asked Changbin and Felix.

"How do you know I was with him last night?" Changbin retaliated.

"You weren't at the house, and Felix is sticking to you like velcro." Lucian pointed out what Felix hadn't even noticed he was doing.

"Are y'all datin' now?" Pete asked both he and Charlie started laughing. Just as Changbin was about to respond, a girl walked up to the table.

"Aw, did Binnie finally get a boyfriend?" The girl asked genuinely.

"No..." Changbin answered. Felix's stomach dropped at his answer.

"Maybe..." Changbin changed the subject, "Lix, this is Heather, Lu's girlfriend."

"Hi, Lix. Sorry if Bin's answer made you sad. He always gets embarrassed when he gets a significant other." Heather reassured Felix.

"Only I call him Lix. He's Felix to you." Changbin stated, claiming the nickname as his only for Felix.

"Okay, Mr Bossy. So, he is your boyfriend?" Heather teased. Changbin looked at Felix.

"Yeah?" Changbin more asked than answered, not breaking eye contact with Felix.

"Dating?" Felix finally spoke, "Can we try dating first? This is my first time being in anything like this?"

"Yeah, Lix." Changbin agreed, wrapping an arm around Felix's waist.

-

Cecile watched Changbin wrap his arm around Felix from a distance. Her face became hot with anger.

"He's mine and that freak isn't going to keep him from me!" She shouted at Lawrence, who was sitting beside her.

"You!" She pointed harshly at Lawrence, "Get rid of him. Fuck with Felix and make that asshole watch." She instructed Lawrence the most wretched task.

[skzchan]

Chapter 8: The Other Side

Word Count: 345

Pairing/Ship: Changlix - Lee Felix and Seo Changbin

Genre: Fluff, Angst, AU

Warnings: Some Harsh Language

“Have either of you seen…” Lucian stopped himself when he saw that Felix was crying, “What happened?” Chan looked at Felix as if asking permission to tell. Felix nodded.  “Lawrence touched Felix and Changbin saw, got mad, and stormed off.”  “Felix, I’m so sorry that’s awful.” Heather comforted the crying again boy, who was shaking in Chan’s arms. Felix was traumatized.  “I bet Cecile was behind it too. She’s obsessed with you. I’m going to kill that bitch when I get the chance.” Heather hissed. Felix shuttered at the mention of Cecile’s name. The thought of her disgusted him and it hadn’t even occurred to him that Cecile was probably behind it.  “I- I would n-never d-do something l-like that t-to him.” Felix was in his own mind.  “Something like what?” Lucian asked.  “Felix thinks that Changbin got mad at him because he thought Felix was cheating,” Chan explained, Felix was still zoned out and shivering.  “Oh, fuck, huh.” Lucian let out a sigh, “He would too. He’s been through so much shit like that.” Lucian looked at Heather who had sat down beside Felix, joining Chan in comforting him.  “Babe, we should talk to Bin.” Lucian helped Heather off the couch. Heather nodded in agreement and Chan waved them off.  “Where would he be though?” Heather asked her boyfriend.  “I have a pretty good idea about where he’s at.” Changbin sat on top of a cement block in an abandoned zoo. ‘Why would Felix do this?’ was the only question going through Changbin’s mind. ‘Why Felix why?’ A single tear rolled down Changbin’s cheek. He was more hurt by Felix than he had been by any previous cheating boyfriend he’d had. Why Felix meant this much to him, he couldn’t wrap his head around it. Tears started falling more steadily until Changbin was completely sobbing. He had never cried this hard over a past boyfriend. He just didn’t know what to do with these feeling. Changbin couldn’t decide if he wanted to cry harder or punch something… or both.  “Bin.” 

[skzchan]

Chapter 4: True Heart

Chapter Four Soundtrack: Voices - Stray Kids, For You - 3RACHA

Word Count: 2,016

Pairing/Ship: Changlix - Lee Felix and Seo Changbin 

Genre: Fluff (soft kissing), Angst, AU

Warnings: BoyxBoy Kissing, Some Harsh Language

Felix was still clutching onto Changbin for dear life by the time they pulled into his driveway. Felix’s home was a small, honest house. Felix made his way to the door of the two-story townhouse and Changbin followed in hot pursuit. Felix opened his door revealing a small hallway. Changbin entered and peered around the corner of a doorway, seeing the rest of the lower level. A dining room and kitchen were connected by a wide opening.

 “My room is this way.” Felix pointed to the stairs that the small hallway led to. Changbin took charge and headed up the stairs first. Felix following in confusion, as Changbin blindly led the way. When Felix made it to the top of the stairs, Changbin was standing in front of a door, hand on knob, ready to enter. Changbin gave Felix a questioning look and Felix shook his head indicating that that was not, in fact, his room. Changbin moved onto the next door and repeated what he had done at the previous door and Felix shook his head once again. They continued this until Changbin reached Felix’s door. Felix gave him a nod of approval and Changbin swung the door open. Inside was Felix’s small bedroom. His bed was small and lonely in the middle of the room, only touching one wall. The other walls were lined with bookshelves that were filled with adventure upon adventure, just waiting to be read. Beside where Felix’s bed lay, was one solemn dresser that housed the few clothes that Felix had. Changbin dragged his hand across the books, walking passed each bookshelf.

 “You really like reading, huh?” Changbin picked up one of the books that were being pushed out of place.

 “It’s pretty much the only thing I do.” Felix shrugged admittedly. He went the nicest shelf out of the many and picked up the second Harry Potter book, replacing it with the first. He handed it to Changbin.

 “Thanks. I guess I’ll get going now.” Changbin took the book and made his way to the door, only to be stopped by Felix.

 “A-are you going back to that house?” Felix asked, wondering if what those guys said, the night before, was true. Changbin nodded without even turning around. He started walking again, out the door and towards the stairs. Felix followed him and swung himself out the door, holding onto the door frame.

 “Why don’t you stay here tonight?” Felix offered Changbin. He really wanted him to stay. Felix was starting to grow attached to the intriguing boy.

 “Are you sure that’s ok? What about your family?” Changbin wondered, not wanting to impose.

 “It’s alright, my sister isn’t going to be home tonight and my mom works late,” Felix informed, encouraging Changbin to stay.

 “What about your dad?” Changbin asked curiously. Felix’s face fell to a saddened look.

 “He left when I was five.” Felix’s eyes were on the ground.

 “I’m sorry, I didn’t mea-”

 “It’s ok. You couldn’t have known.” Felix gave Changbin, a sad but sweet smile. Changbin put a comforting hand on Felix’s shoulder.

 “If it’s any consolation, my parents don’t really give a fuck about me. I stay at that place to get away from their bullshit.” Felix watched in shock as Changbin realized how open he just was. The latter's eyes widened and he made his way back to Felix’s room, quickly changing the subject.

 “So, Lix, what do ya do for fun here?” Changbin sat himself down on Felix’s small bed. Felix wanted to correct the nickname but decided against it. It was much better than Cecile’s nickname for him.

 “I read.” Felix sat down beside Changbin, sliding into the dip in the bed where Changbin sat.

 “Yeah, but other than that.”

 “Homework?” Felix tried hard to think of other things he did, but other than reading, school work, sleeping and eating, he really didn’t do much.

 “Really? You really don’t do anything but reading, huh? What about drinking? Do you drink?” Changbin scratched the back of his neck.

 “Water… occasionally milk.” Felix’s reply was innocent and Changbin hit a hand to his face.

 “You’re really too innocent, aren’t you?” Changbin chuckled, shaking his head. Felix raised an eyebrow. He knew he was innocent, but he didn’t think too much of it before now.

 “What about girls? You got a girlfriend?” Changbin pried deeper into Felix’s person. Felix shook his head.

 “Never really thought about that before.”

 “So, you’re gay?”

 “No. I’m just… not interested I guess.” Changbin sighed in disbelief at Felix’s responses.

 “Dude, how can you be straight and uninterested in girls.” Changbin laid back on the bed and sprawled himself out. Felix had never really thought about girls or boys or being straight or gay or love in general. Felix just read; he read to avoid life; he read to forget about how his mom struggled working two jobs and his sister was out of the house, who knows where every other night; he read to avoid the emotions he felt about his father leaving; he just read. But here, now as Changbin laid across his bed, drilling questions into him, all the realities of life hit Felix like a sledgehammer to the face. And the hardest hit; why wasn’t he interested in girls?

 “Is there something wrong with me?” Sadness could be hear welling up in the back of Felix’s throat, seeing stirring in his eyes. Felix wasn’t asking Changbin specifically, he was wondering aloud. In fact, Felix hadn’t even realized he’d asked the question out loud.

 “Of course not Felix.” Changbin sat up, realizing he might’ve been too straightforward with the innocent boy. Changbin put his hand on Felix’s, now quivering, shoulder.

 “There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s okay to not like girls, yet or in general.” Changbin comforted him, but Felix had already started to cry. Changbin moved his hand slowly, rubbing circles on Felix’s back.

 “Hey, don’t cry,” Changbin spoke softly, not wanting to upset Felix anymore. Felix’s tears slowed and he looked up to face Changbin, letting out a sniffle.

 “If I was gay, would you still talk to me?” Felix asked, he didn’t know if he was gay, but he sure didn’t want to go back to be alone.

 “Yeah, course I would.” Changbin continued rubbing circles on Felix’s back.

 “Do you think Chan hyung would too?” Felix was looking at his hands now.

 “The librarian? You kiddin’? He thinks you’re great. You couldn’t get him to stop talking to ya even if you wanted to.” Changbin chuckled, hoping that remark would make Felix feel better. And it did. Felix gave a small smile. He leaned into Changbin wrapping his arms around him.

 “Thank you, Changbin… hyung.” Felix smiled into the hug he was giving Changbin.

 “How do you know I’m you’re hyung?” Changbin asked, confused.

 “You are, aren’t you?”

 “Well, how old are you, Lix?”

 “Seventeen.” Felix sat up from the hug to face Changbin. Changbin nodded.

 “I’m eighteen, so I guess you’re right.” Changbin ruffled the younger boy’s hair and a smile found it’s way back onto Felix’s face.

 “Uh, hyung,” Felix’s face went serious, “Don’t tell anyone I’m gay because I don’t actually know yet.”

 “Well, Lix, do you want to find out?” Changbin’s words confused Felix.

 “What do you mea-” Felix was cut off by Changbin’s lips pressing against his. Felix tried to pull back in shock, but Changbin held his face in place for a bit longer. Finally, he let Felix go, gasping for air.

 “So?” Changbin said through breaths, “Ya like being kissed by a guy?” Felix’s mind was going crazy. He couldn’t even begin to comprehend what had just happened. He felts as if his heart was going to pound out of his chest. Tingles shot through Felix’s spine and his face flushed with red. Changbin laughed.

 “By the look of it, you do.”

 “I thought you were straight!” Felix almost shouted. Changbin began to laugh even harder at Felix declaration.

 “No, I’m bi. I like guys and girls.” Changbin said through breathy laughs. By now he was rolling around on Felix’s bed, clutching his stomach. Felix’s senses were still overwhelmed by the feeling of his first kiss. Changbin’s laughter died down as realization set in.

 “Fuck… Felix… I’m sorry. That was your first kiss, wasn’t it? Fuck, I’m so sorry. I’m such an asshole. I should’ve asked first. Fuck.” Changbin’s words came out like a thread as he stood up, readying himself to be dismissed.

 “I- it’s o- okay…” Felix’s stuttered, shaking his head, “D- don’t leave. I- I don’t m- mind. I th- think I l- liked it.” Changbin sat back down.

 “Really?” Changbin felt a strange feeling in his stomach as Felix confessed.

 “I think… I like… you.” Felix’s head dropped, his gaze landing on the ground. He could feel the butterflies take over as he awaited Changbin’s response. Felix felt Changbin’s hands around his waist pulling him forward. He hesitated, but followed the guidance of Changbin’s hands pulling him upward and onto Changbin’s lap. He heard a small, quiet laugh escape Changbin’s mouth.

 “I think I like you too, Lix.” Changbin placed his index finger on Felix’s chin, lifting Felix’s gaze from his hands to Changbin’s eyes.

 “You’re cute when you’re shy, Lix.” Felix felt a shiver creep it’s way up his body as the words fell from Changbin’s lips with ease. How was Changbin so good at making him feel this way.

 “Lix,” Changbin whispered. Felix’s whole body started to tingle at the sound of the nickname. Changbin’s lips found their way to Felix’s, kissing softly and speeding up quickly. Changbin licked Felix’s lips not breaking the kiss and Felix opened his mouth, not knowing what was to come. Changbin was about to slide his tongue into Felix’s mouth when he stopped himself.

 “I think we should stop here before we get ahead of ourselves, Lix.” Both Changbin and Felix’s breathing was heavy. Felix nodded in agreement but didn’t move from Changbin’s lap. His arms were still around his hyung’s neck. Felix didn’t ever want to let go.

 “Already 10:00pm?! Damn, time really does fly when you’re havin’ fun, huh Lix?” Changbin laughed, looking at the time on his phone. A shiver crept up Felix’s spine once again.

 “Should we sleep now?” Changbin suggested. Felix, who was still in a trance from the events that had just taken place, nodded. Changbin wrapped an arm around Felix and used the other one to pull down the covers off the empty half of the bed. He pulled Felix off of his lap and into the bed, tucking the covers back over Felix.

 “Wait, hyung what about my clothes? I need to change into my PJs.” Felix giggled, getting up from his spot on the bed.

 “Oh, right.” Changbin stood, corrected. He pulled off his shirt and slid off his jeans throwing them both to the side, then crawling onto the spot on the bed where he was previously sitting, this time laying down and covering himself with the blankets. Felix watched him in confusion.

 “Don’t you need pyjamas?” Felix asked, pulling open a drawer in his dresser.

 “I sleep in my boxers,” Changbin replied, adjusting his pillows. Felix shrugged and continued to pull out his favourite sleeping shirt. He undressed and slid the long, cosy shirt over his body.

 “Hot,” Changbin muttered to himself as he watched the younger boy undress.

 “Pardon?” Felix looked at Changbin who quickly turned his gaze away. Changbin shook his head.

 “Come to bed, sweetie,” Changbin said in a mocking tone. Felix laughed and rolled his eyes at his hyung, who was goofing around. He returned to the spot where Changbin had originally pulled him to and laid down.

 “Goodnight sweetie.” Felix mocked back and placed a soft kiss on Changbin’s lips. Changbin smirked. Felix turned around facing the wall. He felt a hand slide across his side and pull him close. Changbin pressed his body against Felix’s spooning him tightly.

 “Goodnight Lix,” Changbin whispered and with that the two boys fell asleep.

[skzchan]

Chapter 2 - An Abandoned Night

Chapter Two Soundtrack: NXT 2 U - 3RACHA

Word Count: 1,194 

Pairing Ship: Changlix - Lee Felix and Seo Changbin

Genre: Fluff, Angst, AU

Warnings: Some Harsh Language

It was already dark out by the time Felix started walking to the party. He was absolutely dreading this event. How could he have given in? What an idiot. He thought to himself. Felix let out a groan of frustration at himself, and just as if he was in one of his books, the weather decided to reflect his emotions. An enormous roll of thunder shook the earth and lighten struck not so far away as if Zeus himself was there, then suddenly the heavens opened up. Felix pulled his jacket tighter around himself. He was about to start running when he noticed an abandoned house a couple steps away. Felix ran for cover, into the abandoned house.

Ominous creeks came from the ground as Felix ventured farther into the garage of the abandoned household. Felix felt as if he was being watched.

 “Hello?” Felix called out into the darkness.

 “Is anyone there?” A sharp noise stung Felix’s ears as metal clanked on metal. Felix heard a faint ‘shit’ from a voice coming from beyond the dark in front of him. Something grabbed Felix from behind and before he knew it he was in a chokehold. Just as he was about to let out a deafening screaming a hand clasped his mouth shut.

 “What’s in your bag!” A figure in all black shouted at Felix, who now was being held to face the figure in black. Felix was on the verge of tears. The hand was removed from his mouth so he could reply.

 “Just a book and a cola, please let me go.” Felix pleaded as tears welled up in this eyes.

 “Drop him, Lu.” The figure said. On command, Felix was dropped to the ground. Felix scrambled to his feet, turning to run, but he couldn’t because he was once again grabbed by the collar id his shirt. This time though, the culprit was the figure in black.

 “Hold on, why the fuck should I let you go?”

 “Please, I don’t mean any harm I just want to go home.” Felix was full-on crying now. The figure sighed. He took off his mask and revealed a familiar face. Felix knew him, but how? He didn’t know. The boy holding Felix was about his height, with black hair and deep brown eyes. His face structure was triangular, but Felix found it cute. In fact, overall Felix thought that this boy’s dark seeming personality didn’t match his figure. Although the boy had an intimidating persona, he had a cute figure and face.

 “Do I k-know you?” Felix sputtered through a sniffle, “You go to JY High, right?”

 “Yeah, we all do.” The boy replied. Three other boys emerged from the dark behind him.

 “You’re that kid all the girl like, yeah?” The boy examined Felix, eyes tracing him, up then down and back up again.

 “I- I don’t know… My name is Felix. Lee Felix.” Felix stuck out his hand to the boy that still had him by his collar. The boy gave his hand a look and then raised an eyebrow at Felix.

 “You’re supposed to shake it…” Felix instructed.

 “I know. I’m not a dumbass. But why are you introducing yourself to me?”

 “Because it’s polite Mr…”

 “Seo Changbin.”

 “Well nice to meet you!” Felix took Changbin’s free hand and shook it.

 “I’m Lucian and this is Charlie and Pete.” One of the boys behind Changbin spoke up. Felix dropped Changbin’s one hand and took the other one off of his collar. He walked towards the three boys that had just been introduced to him.

 “Nice to meet you all!” Felix gave a big smile.

 “Ni-“ A big crash of thunder cut Lucian off, causing all the boys to jump out of their skin, startled. Charlie burst into laughter.

 “Let’s go inside.” Lucian chuckled, joining Charlie and now Pete in laughter. Changbin was still straight-faced and unamused.

 “Don’t mind him,” Lucian whispered to Felix, motioning to Changbin, who was leading the crew up an old staircase into a rugged, run-down living room, “He’s not big on visitors, but he’s actually a nice guy once you get to know him.” Felix smiled at the back of Changbin’s back. ‘I wonder if he likes reading.’  Felix thought to himself. Felix secretly hoped he could actually become friends with Changbin. Unbeknownst to Felix, he and Changbin both desperately wanted a real friend.

Changbin took a seat on an old rickety couch, that appeared to be falling apart. Felix couldn’t understand why anyone would want to hang out here, but at the same time, he felt as though he never wanted to leave. This place would be a perfect reading spot for him.

 “So… is this like… your hangout spot?” Felix asked still looking around the place that was once beautiful.

 “Well, Binnie basically lives here, and this is where we keep our motorbikes, but other than that yeah, it’s our hangout.” Pete’s answer spiked Felix’s curiosity about Changbin.

 “Why do you live here?”

 “He hates his rich fami-”

 “SHUT UP!” Changbin shouted furiously, interrupting Charlie’s honest answer. Changbin picked up a piece of wood and threw it at the feet of where Charlie and Pete were sitting.

 “GET OUT! ALL OF YOU!” Changbin demanded. Felix jumped from his spot on a lonesome chair.

 “Except you,” Changbin pointed at Felix with a harsh finger, “You, sit.” Felix did exactly as he was told, as he was too afraid to do otherwise.

Once everyone else had left Changbin proceeded with a question to Felix.

 “What book?”

 “Pardon?”

 “You said you had a book. What is it?”

 “Oh…” Felix pulled his book from his satchel, “It’s the first Harry Potter book. I’m rereading the series again.”

 “How many times have you read it”? Changbin made his way towards Felix’s lone chair. He pulled up a stool and sat facing Felix.

 “Uh, I think around 9 or 10 times.” Felix peered at the book in his hands, trying to recall all the time he had read it.

 “Damn,” Changbin mumbled under his breath.

 “Have you ever read it?” Felix finally had his chance.

 “I don’t read.” Changbin shook his head.

 “Oh. It’s such a wonderful experience though.” Felix brought his gaze back to Changbin, who was now looking down at his hands.

 “Do you want to read this? You can borrow it if you want.” Felix offered. Changbin shrugged and let out a little breath.

 “I guess. You’ve read it 10 times, so it must be good.” Changbin brought his eyes to meet Felix. A smile as wide as the ocean spread across Felix’s face as he handed Changbin his beloved book. Changbin opened the book immediately.

 “Oh…” Felix’s shocked voice causes Changbin to look up from the book, “You’re starting now?” Changbin nodded and went back to the book. Felix adjusted himself in the chair. He wanted to sleep, but he also wasn’t positively sure he could trust Changbin. Nonetheless, Felix found himself drifting off to sleep in a strange place with a strange boy reading a book by his side. If this wasn’t straight out of Felix’s dreams he did know what was.

[skzchan]

Bookers and Bikers - Masterlist

main masterlist.

Title: Bookers and Bikers

Genre: Fluff, Angst, BoyxBoy, Book and Biker!AU

Pairing: Changlix - Seo Changbin and Lee Felix

Word Count: 6.9k

Warnings: Some Harsh Language, Mentions of Harassment, BoyxBoy Kisses, Some Violence

Summary: Felix was popular. In fact, he was the most popular boy in school. But, unlike the other popular guys in school, Felix wasn’t a jock, or a player. He didn’t care about partying or dating. Felix absolutely loved reading. He would do anything for some quiet time and a good book. He was pretty good grades too. Most of the boys thought Felix was weird and most of the girls fawned over Felix’s good looks, so although he was nice to everyone and made small conversation with everyone, Felix didn’t have any real friends. Felix spent most of his time reading in the library. One night Felix was walking home from work, when he got caught in a horrible storm. Felix was just going to push through to get home, but suddenly lightning struck frighteningly close to him, so Felix took cover in an abandoned house. And what he met inside surprised him, as he discovered the house wasn’t truly abandoned.

A/N: It’s finally here! I can’t believe I actually finished it before summer’s done, wow. Anyway, I will be updating this in parts. Basically, by each chapter, so I hope y’all enjoy it and give it some love! As well, I have given this au a soundtrack, so each chapter has a recommended song I have chosen to fit the tune of the chapter. I will also be posting this on my wattpad, so I hope y’all will give it some love there too! You can find this au on my wattpad here. Love y’all!

Chapter 1: Books and Bikes

Chapter 2: An Abandoned Night 

Chapter 3: Best Book 

Chapter 4: True Heart

Chapter 5: Evil Brewing

Chapter 6: A Precious Violation

Chapter 7: Hurting

Chapter 8: The Other Side

Chapter 9: An Explanation

Chapter 10: Together At Last

Chapter 11: Epilogue

[xskzmangoxx]

H I D D E N D E M O N S - bang chan.

Chapter 1 :

Description : Bang chan, an ordinary twenty two years old man, as he may look. ready to leave for his military service, but something stopped him. someone discovered his secret, someone,you, found out who he really was, the thing he kept hidden deep within him. and he couldn't risk it. what he didn't know, is that he'd risk the both of your lives trying to save his own, his selfishness striking once again.

TW: Alcohol, swearing.

Prologue

Seoul, Gangseo-gu, 11PM.

"Hey happy birthday man!" a raven haired short guy exclaimed with a sharp tap on Chan's back, making the older cough and laugh on his bitter drink. "Hey Changbin, long time no see, how are you??" the blonde curly boy asked, feeling his heartbeat quicken, in fear. The small guy chuckled and dragged another blonde guy beside him, a skinny freckled young looking boy who was holding Changbin's hand tightly. "I've been really well actually, found myself a boyfriend! And you, how's work? Did you produce anymore songs?? Any girlfriend?" He smirked, chaining the questions for Chan to answer, only making his anxiety more severe.

He clenched his jaw and focused deeply, trying to answer calmly. "Yeah yeah i've been doing good as well.. the agency is asking me for a lot but it's cool really, and what's the lucky one's name?" He interrogated his friend hoping to change the subject of the discussion.

Chan lost his job, he snapped at work and was fired, on his birthday. He cursed himself all day and wanted anything else than this party to end so he could focus on himself and on his actual problem. Sure Chan was one hell of a rich man, but without his job he was nothing, he could always try to apply in another company, but there was no hope, JYP was the only company that liked his ideas and talent.

Changbin smiled at his boyfriend, waiting for him to introduce himself. "Felix.." he mumbled, the sound fading trough the loud music that was echoing trough the room. Chan frowned and bent forwads the freckled boy, trying to hear him again. Then Changbin suddenly yelled "His name's Felix, he's a bit shy, and he's not so confident in his korean yet!" Chan stumbled back and closed his eyes at the sudden high pitched voice in his ear.

"Nice to meet you Felix!" Chan affirmed, nodding. "I'm sorry but i have to talk to the other guests." He excused himself and slipped trough the many dancing and sweating bodies. He finally got to an empty area and sat down, hoping for anyone to come to talk to him again.

Why would he throw a party if he didn't enjoy it? You'll ask. Well, he didn't. His friends surprised him.

Two hours ago, Chan was unlocking his door, an evident frown on his brows. He sighed deeply as he entered his warm appartement, turning on the lights only to meet a chubby guy holding a cake in the middle of his living room, smiling dumbly as his shiny eyes disappeared between his lids. Chan pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed again.

"Jisung that's really sweet of you but i'm not in the moo-" He got cut mid-sentence by multiple cheers filling the living room. He looked around and gazed at every person that was standing and clapping in his living room. Too much people. "Happy birthday Channie!!" They all yelled in happiness and Jisung held the cake closer to Chan, looking at him with innocent eyes. he wished for Chan to blow the pink candles he spent so much time to put on the cake he bought earlier.

Chan should have felt happy and cheered up at the sight but it woke nothing in him. His heartbeat was steady and his frown was still on his face. Jisung gulped and was about to put the cake away, biting his inner cheek before Chan quickly blew on them and shut his eyes closed tightly.

Make them go away, set me free.

He made his wish and looked up at his friends who were clapping once again. He faked a smile and thanked all of them. Suddenly the lights turned off and purple leds were now illuminating the room, loud music filling everyone's ears. He breathed out and before he could say anything he got pushed in the middle of a mass of people dancing.

His kitchen turned into a cocktail bar and his living room into a nightclub. He rubbed his temples trying to calm down and acted like he was actually happy and thankful for this party, chugging down multiple shots trying to spend the night quicker.

-----

The night came to an end and everyone left his appartement, he could finally sit down and breathe. Jisung and Minho made sure to tell Chan they'd come tomorrow to help him clean up. And that's exactly what he didn't want.

He needed to be alone right now.

But now that pure alcohol replaced his blood he couldnt think straight and focus on his main problem. He hated that.

His life was becoming a mess again. After so many hatd times trying to put his shit together, everything was falling apart again.

And he feared the worst.

What if he made it again? What if he lost control again?

[skzchan]

Chapter 6: A Precious Violation

Word Count: 341

Pairing/Ship: Changlix - Lee Felix and Seo Changbin 

Genre: Fluff, Angst, AU

Warnings: Mentions of Harassment, Some Harsh Language

It was like what Felix’s every other day had become. He was off to meet Changbin at the school library, during study hall before last period, to discuss hangout and talk about a book. This was how they spent most of their ‘dates’. Felix, just about to exit the empty stairwell where he usually read at school, was yanked back and shoved up against the wall. He now faced Lawrence, Cecile’s minion.

 “Lawrence, please let me go. I have to go to the library for study hall.” Felix politely tried to shut down the situation he was in. Lawrence snickered at Felix’s kindness and put the hand that wasn’t pushing Felix to the wall against Felix’s waist. His hand slid up Felix’s shirt.

 “You’re not just going to study hall, you’re going to spend time with your boyfriend.” Lawrence hissed at Felix, sliding his hand farther up his shirt, pinching his nipple. Felix let out a gasp of pain.

 “Lawrence please don’t touch me!” Felix demanded, but Lawrence continued. Felix tried to fight back from the touches, but Lawrence was too strong for him. Lawrence started nipping at Felix’s neck.

 “Please, stop!” Felix cried. Not only was he late for his date with Changbin, but now he was getting harassed.

 “What the fuck, Felix!” A scream came from outside the stairwell. It was booming loud even though the doors were closed. Felix barely caught a glimpse of Changbin, who was now storming away, as Lawrence dropped him. Felix sank to the ground. He sat there staring in disbelief. Felix could hardly comprehend what had just happened to him. His whole body hurt and he felt disgusting even being in his own skin. Felix wanted to just disappear.

Changbin ran right out of the building. This is why he didn’t date boys. They always cheated. Changbin didn’t even bother to get his bike. He just ran, and ran, and ran, and didn’t stop. Changbin never wanted to stop. He wanted to run off the face of the earth and never see Felix again.

[skzchan]

Chapter 3 - Best Book

Chapter Three Soundtrack: Breathless - Astro

Word Count: 393

Pairing/Ship: Changlix - Lee Felix and Seo Changbin

Genre: Fluff, Angst, AU

Warnings: None

It was finally Felix's favourite part of the day, study hall. He was off to see Chan at the library, just as usual. Felix planned to tell him about the interesting string of events that had unfolded the night prior. He pushed through the library doors, expecting the regular sight of Chan behind the librarian's desk, but instead, he saw Chan standing beside side the culprit of the previous night's events, talking to him.

"Chan hyung," Felix greeted both of them with a smile, "Changbin."

"I wanted to give you back your book." Changbin handed Felix his book. Felix hesitantly took it from the other.

"You... finished already?" Felix asked hoping that that was the reason and it wasn't because Changbin decided he didn't like it and stop reading. Changbin nodded.

"Yeah, I couldn't put it down." He half smiled.

"Well, I can bring you the second book tomorrow if you want?" Felix offered.

"Actually, could I come to your house after school to pick it up? I don't think I could wait until tomorrow to read it." Changbin's eyes grew and a hopeful look found it's way onto his face.

"Sure. I can meet you in front of the school and we can walk to my place together." Felix suggested and Changbin nodded in agreement. Chan gave Felix a wink of approval. Chan could already tell Felix liked this boy. Felix took Changbin by the wrist and dragged him to a table far away from the rest and the two talked about books for the rest of study hall.

Felix stood in front of the school, waiting. He had been waiting for about 15 minutes and was starting to worry that Changbin stood him up. Just as Felix was about to give up and go home on his own a motorbike pulled up before him. It was Changbin, of course.

"Get on," Changbin instructed Felix, handing him a helmet. Sudden anxiety shot through Felix's stomach, but he wasn't about to turn him down. He took the helmet from Changbin's gloved hand and got on the bike behind him, putting his helmet on as he did so. Felix wrapped his arms around Changbin's waist and held on for dear life. Changbin gave Felix a thumbs up asking for permission to go and Felix gave one back. The motor roared and Changbin sped off.

[skzchan]

Chapter 1 - Books and Bikes

Chapter 1 Soundtrack: Very Nice - Seventeen

Word Count: 628

Pairing Ship: Changlix - Lee felix and Seo Changbin

Genre: Fluff, Angst, AU

Warnings: None

Eyes followed Felix as he walked down the hallway. He was probably the most popular guy in his school, not because he was a like the rest of the guys, the ‘jocks’, or because he threw amazing parties, none of the normal reasons. Felix was popular because he was friendly toward everyone, as well as the fact that all the girls fawned over his good looks. Although Felix was friendly to everyone, he didn’t have any real friends. He could talk to and get along with almost anyone, but he didn’t have a best friend or a really close friend, matter-a-fact Felix didn’t even have a friend, just acquaintances. All Felix really had was his books. Books were Felix’s safe place. He was never seen without one, he always had a book in hand, and music at the ready for whenever he’d get a chance to read. There was one person though, that Felix talked to more than others and that was Chan, the librarian at the school. Felix confided in him.

Felix took his spot in first period, placing his favourite book on his desk in front of him, safe and close to him. A girl, not much smaller than Felix himself, walked up to his desk.

 “Hi, Felix.” Her voice was more flirtatious than usual. Felix looked up at the girl from his seat.

 “Hello, Cecile.” Felix smiled back. He knew she was flirting, but he wasn’t interested. Felix was intimidating or frightening, although at times he could look somewhat intimidating. In spite of his sometimes daunting demeanour, Cecile was never dismayed by him. Felix was a nice person.

 “So Lixie,” Cecile invited herself to reside leaning on Felix’s desk, rewarding him with a nickname which he had never before been called. “How’d you like to go to Gryffin Anderson’s party tonight with me?”

 “I’m not much of a party person…” Felix spoke honestly. He was never a partier; a ‘good time’ to Felix was sitting on his window seat, reading a book, and having a cup of hot coffee.

 “Aw come on, Li-“ Cecile was cut off.

 “And Cecile… It’s Felix.” Cecile had a taken aback look plastered on her face, but she was soon back to her usual self, pestering Felix.

 “Alright, whatever you say.” Soon after, the teacher joined the students and class had begun.

It was finally study hall, Felix’s favourite subject because he got to spend his time in the school’s library with a fabulous variety of books for him to read. Felix also got to have some fascinating chats with the school librarian, Chan. Chan was really Felix’s only friend too.

 “Hey, Chan hyung. What’s the scoop on the new books? Are they any good?” Felix patted the stack of new book that been donated to the school’s library.

 “There are some interesting selections in there,” Chan replied.

 “Any suggestions for me?”

 “You finished the Harry Potter series again?” Felix nodded to Chan’s question although it was obvious. Harry Potter was an easy read for Felix, but it was still one of his favourites.

 “Alright, what about this?” Chan pointed to a series by Eric Walters series. Felix inspected the book. It seemed interesting.

 “I’ll give it a read tonight.” Felix picked up the book and Chan signed it out for him.

“Lixie!!” A voice sang through the halls. The voice, of course, belonging to Cecile.

 “Cecile, I told you already, it’s just Felix.” Felix shook his head.

 “Come to the party! And then I’ll call you Felix.” Cecile demanded.

 “No, thank you. I prefer to be respected and called by what I’ve asked to be called by.” Felix protested.

 “Lixie,” Cecile said once again, confirming she didn’t care.

 “Fine, but only this one! Ever!” Felix sighed in defeat.