#slumbertale asks | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

perseverantdt · 11 months

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16 & 17 for the writer ask?

16: What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

I don't actually own that many books, nor do I have any place to borrow books from. The only books I have are textbooks, which don't really need bookmarks. As such, I don't really use bookmarks. However, I do use some sort of mark to keep a book from flipping to a different page when I go away. I just mostly use whatever I can find lying around. It's been a long time since I've last read a book, but the weirdest thing I can remember using as a bookmark was a mug. I don't recall if it was empty or not.

17: Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

Note: Parts in italics indicate out-of-universe explanations.

In Ethereal Dreams, all living creatures have a soul, regardless of whether they're natural or constructed. This soul is made up of a magical "casing" and the energy inside it. This energy stabilizes the creature's body, whether it be physical or magical. If, somehow, the soul or its magical energy were to be completely removed, the body would slowly weaken until the soul manages to recover its strength.

While a soul can never be split into parts, it can be damaged or weakened. However, the creature's body normally protects its soul from being damaged by physical or magical attacks. Damaged souls slowly heal themselves. How fast this healing occurs depends on the abundance of ambient magic in the realm where it is. A damaged soul will have a weaker ability to cast magic, as magic casting draws on the magical energy of the soul. However, if the damage to the soul is severe enough, its properties may change once it gets healed, to the point where one can argue that the healed soul is no longer the original.

Through the use of certain magical spells, a soul can be made vulnerable to direct manipulation. A mage with good-enough experience can alter the properties of an exposed soul, but this isn't the main danger of having an exposed soul. Rather, an exposed soul is vulnerable to having its magical energy being absorbed. This concept originally wasn't in this story, but the idea that spawned Ethereal Dreams kinda called for it, and I have a system of this in a different story I've been looking to write. When someone absorbs another soul's magical energy, the absorber's magical capability gets strengthened. A soul does not have to be outside its body to be exposed to manipulation, but souls outside of their bodies are much more susceptible.

If the situation's circumstances aligns just right, two creatures can fuse their souls together into a singular entity. The resulting entity will take on an appearance that resembles both of them, though it will look more like the creature with the stronger magical capability. They will have shared control of the body, but only one of them can control the body at any given time. The fused soul will retain magical properties from both souls. Specifically, they will be able to cast the realm-amplified magic of either soul. There is no recorded instance only one unknown instance of a soul fusion and as such, this is a completely unknown topic to the entire world of the story. That only instance is one of the main characters in the story, and even that was by complete accident.

This is the idea that really got me excited on writing Ethereal Dreams. It started as a what-if on Lilak Rain's Slumbertale AU but I didn't want to write that because I don't think I would be able to make a proper characterization of their characters, especially when the story is quite new. However, I didn't want to abandon the idea. After a long time of worldbuilding, a couple of storyline changes, and just overall having a hard time turning the idea into a story, here I am, with a great world to write my story on. I took quite a few concepts and ideas from various other WIPs of mine, but I think they work quite well.

#perseverant-writes #ethereal dreams #ethereal dreams meta #writeblr #q17 took me quite a while to answer #apparently i don't have my lore docs in order just yet #should probably get to that at some point

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elirastudio · 2 years

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I know of another tumblr user who had this thing too he has vary good at art, like on the same guys who make the vary detailed art of Castlevania and he runs an undertale AU called slumbertale and he got it permanently fixed. Maybe you could ask him how he fixed it.

Do you know it’s name?

Maybe I could talk to him

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kaissauce · 2 years

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oh so you a sans kinnie??? name every single sans

A Fatal Error has Occurred accusionTale Act to Flirt Aftertale Aftertale: Black Afterthought Akintale Alive All Good Things Alliancetale AllTale's AlphaRune Alphatale Alterdune Alterdune (zakthepower) Altered Destiny Altergeno Altertale AlterTale has been Taken An Altered Tale Another Take Apprentice to Error ArsonFell Ask Frisk and Company Ask Glitch and Squid Ask Mercy Series Asrieltale Asundertale AsylumTale AsylumTale (Blackroses113) Axetale Barrier Blocks Beastly Underfell BeastTale Beijing Opera Tale BioTale BitterSweet Blind Art Blizztale BlossomTale Bowser's Cavern Conquest Brokentale Brotherhood Buttontale Caninetale Cavebit Changing the Story ChiselTale Choco-Tale ChocoBlook Chronotale CNAS-Tale Category:Combination CommentaryTale Category:Community Shared CORETale Coronation Corrupted File CotFosh-dropswap Crafttale Crazedtale CreaseTale Creatortale Crimsontale Crystaltale Damned Monarchy DanceFell Dancetale Dawnbreak Death's Tale DeeperDown Definitely Not Deltarune Delta Experiment Deltafell Deltarune DeltaTraveler DemonHunterTale Desperatale Despotale Destroyed tale DeTale DeVoidTale Differtale Dire!Tale Distorted Rotation Doused Flames Down Below Dragontale DragonTale Z Dread Not Dreamborne Dreamswap Dreamtale Dreemurr Reborn Dusttale DystopicFate Echotale Endertale Entity NEO EntropyTale Epictale Erasure Inverted Errortale EscapeTale Espeon Underswap Eternal Starvation EUC Evertale FactionTale Faithtale Fallen Flowers Fallen Stars Far Away, Standing Near FateTale Fellswap Fellswap X Felltale Final Tragedy Firetale FlipTale Flowerfall Flowerfell FlowerPop Flowery Melody Flowey Garden Flowey's World Foiltale FragileTale Freaktale Frogtale Funtale Fusiontale Gaster Bros GeneticTale GhostTale Glamourtale Glitched Reset Glitchtale Godverse Goopytale Greattale Handplates Hatetale Haunted Hearts Heavenfell HELPtale Hollowtale Hopetale Horrorrune Horrortale Howlingtale Hungerswap Hungertale ImmortalTale Infinitetale Inktale Inner Demons Interlopers Inverted Fate Irontale Island Fall Japaritale JudgementTale Jumbletale LogTale MagicTale Magitale MajickTale Majoratale Maniatale Mayhem Memoirs Megatale Metal and Magic Metal in the Underground Metal in the Underground Mettatale Mettatale Monotale Monotale Monster Friends Monster Friends MonsterTale MonsterTale Mooktale Mooktale Mothertale Mothertale My Little Tale My Little Tale Mysterioustale Mysterioustale N Name the Fallen Name the Fallen Negatale Negatale QuantumTale Quite the Mishap R Reapertale Reapertale Rectus Resilience Rectus Resilience Redemptale Redemptale Redemption!Frisk Redemption!Frisk ReizaTale ReizaTale Reminiscence Reminiscence Rosefell Royal Blue RUAM! Underfell Rulesrune Rupturedtale Underswap Sensetale Shadowtale Shifting Realities SlimeTale Slumbertale Sole Sufferer Sondertale StaticTale Stellartale Storyfell Storyshift Storyshift (Preboot) Storyshift (Preboot) Storyspin Storyspin Storyswap (Shionbluu) Storyswap (Shionbluu) Storyswap: Reawaken Storyswap: Showtime! Sudden Changes Sudden Changes Summontale Surface Tension Swapfell Swapfell Red (YiB) Swapfell Red (Ziznine) Swaps of the Fallen Underground Swaps of the Fallen Underground Swaptale The Golden Quiche The Merciful SOULS The Merciful SOULS The National Tiny Steamed Buns Kindergarten The National Tiny Steamed Buns Kindergarten The Thought Timetale Timetwist Timetwist Total Drama Tale Trainertale Trainertale T TrioTale TS!Underswap Tubertale TutorialTale Ultra!Tale UnderDestiny Underfail Underfell Underfell (Kaitogirl)

Underfell GG Underfire Underfoil Undergale Undergamer Undergamer Underhouse UnderHunt Underkeep Underlie Underlust UnderMafia UnderMaze Underpants Underpants Underplayer UnderPlus UnderPost UnderPost UnderRacer Undersail Undersecret Undersecret UnderShift: Desolation

I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE

#long post #ask #ninikins

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spectacles-blog · 3 years

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My rainbow doodles. Can you tell I like drawing scarfs? Reblog > like

Oh boy. Credits. From left to right. Dang I'm scared to @ people. qvq

Spectacle - spectacles-blog

Midnight!Nightmare - ask-the-variants / glitchysquidd

PaperJam - 7goodangel

Cross - Jakei95

Pale!Ink - unu-nunu-art

Fatal_Error - Xedramon

Blade!Killer - ask-the-variants / glitchysquidd

Reaper - Renrink

Error - Crayon Queen

Slumbertale!Sans - rainingskeletons

Ink - Comyet/Myebi

OSD!Dream - calcium-cat

Nightmare - Jokublog

Geno - Crayon Queen

Outer - 2mi27 (?)

Gradient - askcomboclub

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harmonytre · 3 years

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Made AU versions of myself! Part 1 here

Zippy (Fresh AU): Zippy talks way too fast and often interrupts people. She speaks in “cute” terms like hewo, owo, uwu, etc. Unironically . . . She doesn’t like when people swear or abuse others. The words on her glasses change. She has messy hair, a windbreaker, parachute pants, and puffy thick shoes.

Disdain (Nightmare AU): Disdain is lonely, but pushes everyone away. She snaps at others easily. She considers herself too dangerous to be around. Her tentacles have a mind of their own, and often wrap around her, or in rare cases, around people she likes. She refuses to tell how she became the way she is. She has short slimey hair, a scarf, and hoodie, a skirt, shoes, and four gooey tentacles. Doesn’t wear glasses.

Echo (Dancetale): Echo focuses on hip hop and interpretative dance styles. She listens to almost all genres of music! She doesn’t like classical or most rap songs (or any songs with suggestive themes/excessive swearing). She’s fairly fit and enjoys jogs outside (and wii games like Just Dance). She has a long ponytail, t-shirt, exercise pants, and tennis shoes.

Inspire (Ink AU): If you ask how her hair is poofy, fluffy, and flat at the same time, she’ll laugh and change the topic. Her glitter freckles change color based on emotion. She always has pen doodles up her wrists and arms. She’s charismatic and friendly. Her drawings can come to life, but will never harm others. She has a turtleneck, sash, shorts, socks, and um, whatever her shoes are!

Faze (Underlust, specifically Reimagined by @zirkkun): Faze is touch-starved, but too uncomfortable around most people to even approach them. She’s a little cuddle-bug! She prefers spending her time reading books or playing video games over interacting with others. She’s pretty timid and quiet. She has a long sweater, scarf, pants, shoes, and flat hair.

Eager (Gaster Blaster AU): Eager cannot speak. She can use sign language or animal-like grunts. She’s playful and enjoys many things, like sticking her head out car windows, or scratches behind her horns. She very much enjoys cuddles and is careful of her spikes when she does. She can run on all fours if she wants to. She has a fluffy hoodie and pants to fit her digigrade legs. She doesn’t need glasses, as all her senses are increased.

Grace (Slumbertale by @rainingskeletons): (This is such a comfy, soft, and beautiful AU! Go check it out. <3) Grace adores children and enjoys making up stories. Her hair and dress are long and flowy, the flowier, the better! She’s barefoot and has pants as well. The inside of her dress has a galaxy pattern!

Tranquil (Fallen Flowers by @tarableart): Tranquil fell into the underground and was raised by a family of ferret monsters. She has the form of a raccoon and her flower is a sunflower with a mix of green and blue: kindness and integrity. She’s bolder than my other sonas, but still has a silly side. She enjoys making others laugh. She wears a shirt, poncho, and skirt.

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harmonytre-reblogs · 3 years

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Undertale/Deltarune AUs

(IF YOU SEE YOUR AU HERE AND WOULD LIKE ME TO LINK TO IT, PLEASE LET ME KNOW! I’m not directly mentioning everyone, but will gladly link to them if asked.)

Blog names are the same or in parentheses if applicable. All on tumblr, and if not, then on Deviantart or Youtube.

INDEX:

Personal and Friends

Mutuals

Favorites

Deltarune (although most are in the two above)

Undertale Alternate Timeline and OC

Undertale Alternate Universe

Personal and Friends

Flicker-of-a-Neon-Soul (mine)

Prismtale (mine)

Skeleflock AU (mine)

Savepoint AU (mine)

Impostertale

Don’t Name Tale @/Polilla-de

Alivetale @/tatatale

Undertime @/azeriaa

Abysstale @/metakazkz

UT-Zircans

ShatteredTales

Damagedtale (Rain) @/6nimus9

Magusverse @/xfre3ax

Lumitale @/iyumiichi

Idoltale @/nekojaf

Techy @/k0re-drawings

Parasite!Tale @/bloowe-blu

Underlust Reimagined @/zirkkun

Thirdtale Sans @/purple-murder

Soulbound-ut-au

Cheshire from @/alchemic

Passagetale @/splynter

Frostytale, Chicken Sans, and Bunny Papyrus by @/sanityau

Ecantale

Escort Mission (Yoki-Doki)

Arwaa and Matias by @/nurizyume

Condoriano @/murmur-utdr-au

Spitetale, Motiftale @/nosebleed-inglishera

Dragontale, Heartache, and more @/squarefriend

Kaleidoscopetale-AU

Various AUs by @/blaiddsumu

Horizon-Tale

The-Nursery-Official

Ask-OABGaster-Alpha-Yan

Various AUs by @/undertalewasagoodgameokay

Magustale

AskSunflower

Underknowledge

Mutuals

Mermaid Pirate AU by @/kiokodoodles

Critic!Tale by @cihello

Cyrustale (OnixOwl)

Various AUs by @/Satellite-Starss

Refusetale (natsuneneko)

Various AUs by @/scarew0lves

Favorites

Sans The Seraphim (The Thought)

Over the Void @/Undertale-over-the-void

Timetale AU @/Punny Skele-scientist, Allesia the Hedge

Endertale @/xxtc-96xx

Underswap @/underswapped3

Chutsu AU @/Emositecc

Littletale @/mudkipful

Ink Sans @/comyet

Paper Crane @/little-noko

Outertale

Bonely Hearts Club

Delta-Experiment (Deltarune)

Wingsdingus

Slumbertale @/rainingskeletons

Gaster’s Great Escape @/moldy-junk (Deltarune)

humancandy-comic

Sixbones @/zarla-s

Insomnia @/wily-art

SwapOut @/cats-artbag

AskErrorSans

Pink Swapfell @/whyiswingdingsafont

AskFallenRoyalty

Pinktale by @/save-star

The rest of the Pinkverse by various creators XD

Playbacktale @/linssins

Deltarune

Paper Trail @/lynxgriffin

Deltaspin

Under-deltarune-tale-comic

Lifeline-AU

Felltarune @/sunfloraas

Undertale Alternate Timeline and OC

Underplayer

Another One

Dogs of Future Past @/lynxgriffin

Underpuppets

Chocoblook-comic

Skelechara (insanelyadd)

Undertale Green (FlamingReaperComic)

Willow (cottagegore OC) @/smol-spoopy

Glitchtale @/camilacuevas

Project: JUSTICE @/RoyalElemental

Ghost Switch (CleverCatchphrase)

All That’s Left (dyonsia96)

Regret (BroGirl62)

Unexpected Guests @/undertalethingems

Gaster Bros @/leafaske

Handplates @/zarla-s

GenoHope (Azany)

Just a Head AU @/kathaynesart

Wartime-undertale

Undertale-four-kingdoms

Lee from @/halban-josu

@/rainbowsans ‘s characters!

Megalosomnia by @/megalommi

Ask-Grillby

Undertale Alternate Universe

Wingtale-AU-Blog

Underdecay @/little-noko

Overtale @/yuramec version

Paraversetale

Horrortale-comic

Fallen Flowers @/Tarableart

Undetermined (WhisperingIllusion)

Underfell @/underfell

Minecraft AU @/kers-seeri

Faded Timeline (ClassyEyeballs)

Imaginary Friend (LotusTheKat)

Cyrustale (OnixOwl)

Farmtale (anime-grimmy-art version)

Undertale Inc. @/salami-dono

UT Mob @/nyubackneko ‘s version

Papster (Macosi-Comics)

Unnamed AU by @/asterxsk

Any of @/blaiddraws Gasters! (and also Entypo and Dave look cute!)

The Fall and Fostertale by @/kalon-dern

Jadefell @/glaucuss22

Ask-Mac404

Ask-BHC-Sunny

Outerbloom by @/outery

Various AUs by @/glitchysquidd

Pawtale

Tethertale and more by @/enderparty101

Various AUs by @/whiteartblood

Darkworld!Frisk by @/friskundertaleisms

Enti!Flowey by @/undertaleatnight

Moontale-Official

Ask-Dune

#undertale #undertale au #list #HarmonyTRE #btw this is just a personal list #for what I'm willing to draw for requests which are closed atm #more organizing

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rainingskeletons · 6 months

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hello! i was wondering if you have/planning of posting any refs of the characters? i want to make some fanart of sans and pap cause they look so silly (i love the comic btw!!)

Heya, the refs I use are kind of messy but I do have some!

But mostly I ref the comic itself hahaha

(Self plagiarism, les goooo)

#slumbertale #ref sheet #slumbertale ask #slumbertale asks #undertale #sans #papyrus #undertale fanart

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hecallsmehischild · 5 years

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Grieving the Good

Beyond Boundaries by Dr. John Townsend claims there are six components for grieving a lost relationship. Most of the steps are already inherent to how I deal with pain, and I recognized each as I went through them. One, however, took me off guard. It makes sense, but it hadn’t been said to me before.

3. Name what you valued.

When you value someone, you affirm that he or she is important to you. When the connection is over, there are certain aspects of the person and the relationship that you miss the most. There are the values you have to grieve. {List of examples follows}

Sometimes, the value you need to grieve is connected to specific memories as well. It could be a trip you took or a private joke you shared. It might be a time of deep intimacy in which you were very close. Perhaps it was good times with the family.

Why is it important to name the specific things you valued? Because you must say good-bye to the entire person, not simply the negative parts of the person. You cannot walk away from the things you disliked, which may be the things that ended the relationship, without also saying goodbye to the things you loved as well. A half grief is never a healing grief.

It has been seven months since I ended a ten year friendship. Things have been better. I feel more healing every week that goes by. However, I am still stuck some days. I still cycle fruitlessly through each thing that hurt me. In my head, I argue and shout and scream until I’m acknowledged. I deliver biting, sarcastic lines designed to cut. I make it so that this time, I’m not the one in a thousand pieces on the floor.

I can’t seem to move on from this simmering anger on the back burner. I want it to protect me, but I know that’s not what it will do. It will turn into bitterness and a permanent wall that will hinder me from connecting to new people in my life. I also know, though, that if I try to suppress or ignore it, it will come back to bite me in other nasty ways down the line. So I continue to try and find ways of legitimately dealing with it, torn between letting it run its course and trying to find ways to let go.

I have grieved the negative parts and events for months, now, though I have not publicly disclosed all the specific events that led to this dissolution. It is time to grieve the good. I will grieve the good without asking which parts were lies and which were truths, because I’ve already asked myself that untold times and there is no answer to be had. At the time, it was all true, and I will grieve that.

My friend,

You are one of the two people that I know who writes at what I call a college-Lit-class-level. It’s a very specific compliment that carries a great deal of my awe. I know many truly wonderful writers who floor me every time I read their work. But I do believe your work, if published, could be taught in college classes. Not everyone would get it. You probably will not have a broad readership. It took me years of reading your writing to start to understand what you were getting at. It’s a small niche, but people who understand what you’re saying, well. Their conscience will be smitten. Your wordplay and sensory overload descriptions are brilliant. I will miss getting to read your work in advance and offering what I could to the editing process. I will miss cheering every time you got accepted for publication. I will miss collecting any printed piece you got published and begging for your autograph. I grieve that I will never hold your published novel and say, “See? I knew you could do it.” I still know you can.

We made two books together. Did you know how fun that was? Yes, there was some pain in the process, but we made two children’s books. You crafted two lovely stories. You weighed in on design ideas and I illustrated them. I am much more comfortable with my tablet and Art Rage after 9 and 6 months spent on the respective books. I have some concept of character design, simply by doing it over and over. This isn’t something I ever sought to pursue myself, but I learned a little of it through trial and error and repetition. Perhaps you will take the stories and have someone else illustrate them for publication. That is okay. I have my copies. They are the only two I can’t part with, even now. I will miss creating children’s books with you, friend. I grieve the ones we will never make. I grieve these ones will never be seen, but for the few copies that exist among friends and ourselves.

I miss sharing music with you, trying to find songs you would enjoy and occasionally finding for you one you’d searched for without success. I will never hear many of the songs you would have sent me, a lifetime of accumulated musical taste we could have traded.

I miss your passionate conversation about topics that interested you. You were never annoying, in spite of your concerns about being so. I could have listened to talk about your passions for hours. I miss how, when we got together, we could (and did) literally talk for hours, as if jamming together all the time we hadn’t spent together. I miss our long-distance communication. The wall-o-text emails. The few months we did Marco Polo, when we thought it would revolutionize our communication to be able to pick up on tone and facial expression. I miss getting to show you the cool little mundane things about my day. I grieve the loss of our communication.

You and I shared our deep sorrows and victories. We shared vulnerability and acceptance. We both mourned friendships that didn’t last or people who used us and wondered why people were so quick to cast loyal friends aside. I thought I could talk to you about anything and everything that hurt. I kept that belief very shielded from the things I knew I absolutely could not bring to you. Fortified heavily with denial was the belief that you were a safe person, and during the time I believed it, it was a good thing for me. I grieve the loss of that. I grieve the loss of trusting that you were really going to tell me the truth once you confessed to your lies, and that there were and would be no more lies between us.

I saw a great beauty in you, and I wanted so desperately to see that beauty bloom and grow, and to have been a small part of that because I felt you were so much wiser, smarter, more talented than me. I grieve that I will never see what becomes of you in this life up close. I hope, desperately, that you do heal and grow.

Once, when I really needed it, you stood up for me. Though details have come into question, now, in that moment I fully believed I needed it, and you were there for me. In the very early years of our friendship, you provided a friendly and safe-feeling place to talk with you. We talked about anything and everything. I grieve that.

I grieve the gifts I could not keep, chosen with care for every birthday and every Christmas. I grieve the joy I took in picking out gifts for you as well.

You loaned me your knowledge. Knowledge about health and food, theology and psychology. Book recommendations that were dead on what I needed to know and what my brain was able to process correctly. Articles you sent that made you think of me. You have had your head more in the real world than I ever cared to, and when I was stymied about how to even research, you shared your store of collected knowledge with me.

You had such insight. I felt that you “saw” me, and you phrased what you saw in me all so beautifully. I thought I was so fortunate to be friends with someone like you, who would point out my strengths in such a healing way. Do you even comprehend what a balm your words can be, when you want?

I remember playing the What-Does-M-See game. Because you said you could see the spiritual realm. Now I don’t know what to believe, but at the time, I was always in awe when you saw or described something. Especially if it was about me, and especially if it was accurate to something in my life.

I miss praying with you in the early days, when we first got to be prayer partners in the huge house.

I’d never had a delicious vegan meal before. You astounded me by cooking incredible savory 100% vegan dishes. And I got to cook one dish for you that you fell in love with. And even when we lived apart, it was fun to cook with you over Skype, creating the same dish across several states’ distance.

I’d only recently begun reading aloud books for you. Books I thought spoke to your situation, or books that I hoped held some answers for you. I grieve that I will not be able to share with you like you shared with me.

Slumbertale was a short story born out of our friendship. I wanted to sustain you from week to week. Give you something to look forward to. I miss coming up with a new few paragraphs of the story each week and waiting for your reaction to the next twist in the tale. I miss picking out a weekly treat to mail you. I miss making gestures of Philia (deep friendship)--nearly Storge (familial)--love and having them received. I grieve the loss of the times I was able to shine a little light into the darkness for you.

You actually got me to like parenthesis. With a super creative poem. How even? I was so anti-parenthesis in fiction and storytelling, but you did the thing. I liked it so much I had to literally paint the poem.

Some of my most beautiful artwork and poetry were inspired by something you said or wrote, or a part of who you were. You influenced my poetry style. You twined into my craft sphere. We even started a mini-partnership about my trees, remember? I wanted to start writing micro-fiction, but was having a hard time titling the trees. Your titles were spot on and creative and always inspired a fabulous story. I offered $2 per title if the tree sold because I wanted to. Now I title them myself, and have only just returned to the micro-fiction, because the grief was so sharp.

I believed you were someone worth flying out for on as short notice as I could afford during the absolute worst times. I did this three times. I grieve being able to hold the belief that you deserved this, and much more, from me. I grieve the image of you that I had and refused to release for so long.

I grieve good times in Seattle, the city I never want to visit again because the painful associations now outweigh the good associations. You were the last remaining reason I ever wanted to return there.

I remember one time, during a visit to you, I spiked myself into a panic attack. I had ordered a mocha from one of Seattle’s hipster one-off coffee shops. I could tell from the first sip that the balance skewed way more toward coffee than chocolate, and that it might be too strong for me, but I drank it anyway. And shortly after, my heart was hammering and my breathing was shallow and every dread in my heart came screaming up to the surface of my skin. And I asked you for a hug, and in the middle of the coffee shop, with no embarrassment, you held me. Spoke gently into my ear. Helped me regulate my breathing. Helped me back down to a tolerable level of anxiety (it would be a few hours before the caffeine totally left my system).

You wrote me a journal in response to the one I wrote to you. Then you spent months helping me decode your handwriting so I understood all of what you had to say.

You wrote the single piece of derivative fiction (or fan fiction) that exists for my still unfinished novel. You accompanied it with components of a visual piece of art for me to assemble, one that directly related to the story you’d written, in spite of you “not being a visual person.” It had so much meaning to me.

You gave me a deeply meaningful nickname, and called me that almost to the exclusion of my name.

I miss your laughter. I miss your sense of humor. I miss your warmth.

I grieve the good in you, and I grieve the good I received from you. I grieve the good we made together, and the good we shared with each other. As hurt and furious as I am, I still miss you. But I will not return this time. I cannot express to you how much I hope you heal, truly heal, and learn to relate to people. I wish you well. I wish you healing. I wish you true joy. I wish you a life where you do not have to leave claw-marks behind.

Goodbye.

#emotional abuse #rlchild #grieving #goodbyes

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cliban · 5 years

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Rant time (oof)

I go to school. At this school of mine, we have an art department. Within this art department, I scribble away at my latest drawing. It's a semi-realistic eye, and, to be quite honest, a very good work on my part. However. I would love to show it off, I really would! But I can't. This teacher lets us do.... letter patterns...... and Letter patterns...... and letter patterns..... No, nothing useful, just letter patterns. You see, my teacher has a mentality that only realism is 'true art'. I think all of you know my style by now. Defined lineart, simple colours, sometimes cel shading. I'm very happy and efficient with this style of art. Well, was. My teacher is obsessed with shading. Realistic shading. I can't shade like that, I don't have the patience. So from now on, I am no longer good at art. Sorry but, that's what the teacher says, and teachers are ALWAYS right? Right?? No. Don't EVER let someone tell you you aren't good at art because of your style. I don't want anyone giving up on art because of someone's stupid opinion. Do what you enjoy, and you can only improve. This teacher I have is narrow-minded, has 'favourite students', and doesn't like my art because 'digital art is the easiest thing in the world'. Mhm, do go on. Tell me how easy it is. Yep yep yep. Now can I tell you about how stuff can glitch, how much work I put into my stuff, and all the wonderful tools I can use? Oh, sorry, I forgot, Teachers are always right, of course, of course. I don't particularly care, but, there's a point where this stuff GETS to you. I've lost a lot of sleep, and the Shadow-whisperers (cough slumbertale cough) have been more frequent than ever. I've seen people just give up on art because they couldn't do realism like the teacher instructed. And I saw so much potential in them. That's why if someone tells you that sort of stuff, they're narrow-minded or just dont like you. Second teacher. She is.... worrying. She's a substitute. Let's call her Ms/Mrs L. I am discussing stuff with my friend, Chris, in Maths. He's trying to do work, but the date is wrong and it's triggering our OCD. Chris asks Ms/Mrs L, and she launches in a tirade about how she's been a teacher for so long and she doesn't need us bothering her. It's still triggering us. Us, being the stupid 12 year olds we are, get the student helping Mrs/Ms L (Oh did I mention she never does any actual teaching?) to change the date. Mrs/Ms L sees Chris saying thanks, and boy, I still get chills from the look look of pure rage in her eyes. She marches over to Chris, grabs him by the arm, and yells. Like, not teacher yelling, full up SCREAMS at this 11 year old kid, who's the smallest guy in the year sevens. "HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT ME IN THAT WAY YOU LITTLE BRAT!!!" She full on screams for about 10 seconds, then drags Chris out the room, forcefully. I asked him to show me the force later, and he got to drag me around. It was a lot of force. The room goes silent, as outside her raised voice continues. Chris comes in five minutes later, looking.... subdued. Chris is a bouncy, hyperactive kid. And he's my friend. I stay behind after class and talk to her about it. She's adamant Chris is the devil. I can't do anything about it. That was a long time ago, and I still remember it clearly. Then came the breaking point for me. It's social science. We're close to packing up, and we've cut and stuck quite a few things. The paper is building up, so Alyssa (My friend) asks me to put it in the bin as I'm closest. Reasonable request. I get up, and am about halfway to the trash can, when someone grabs me, pulls me back. I am extremely hapephobic around anyone I don't know very well. I can't stand brushing against anyone in a crowd, its that bad. I whirl around, and I just stand there in shock. It was Mrs/Ms L! I... I'm not thinking clearly. Did a teacher just.... pull me back? On purpose? What is she going to do to me?? I barely refrain from a full blown panic attack, which are way too common for me, and seriously affect me. I had some physical bullying done to me when I was little, and its still mental trauma. "We wait til we're going out of the room at the end of class to do that." Mrs/Ms L says. I mumble something and go back to sit on my seat. "What do we do?" she asks, like I'm a child. "I-I'll wait til I'm going out of the room at end of class to put paper in the paper bin." I spit this with enough venom in my voice to not be noticeable, but I'm shaking as I sit back down. There have been reports of her verbally abusing students, but no grabbing them, until my last friend, Charlie, was in PE. We wear our bibs like superhero capes sometimes. It's fun, and the teachers have had no issue with it. Until Mrs/Ms L is subbing for our teacher. Badminton. Not ideal, but fun all the same. I'm with Charlie, Alyssa, and Liam (My bf :3). Not a bad team at all! We're the green bibs. Mrs/Ms L suddenly storms up and pushes through us as we're talking to Charlie. My heart sinks. Forcefully, Charlie is grabbed by his collarbone area. "PUT YOUR BIB THE RIGHT WAY!" she howls, and I snarl lowly. "Hey! Get off him! Let go of him! You can't touch students!" I yelp, and push my way to him, and I stand in front of Charlie. She backs off, with me hurling legal phrases after her. I made an appointment with the Dean, but I haven't had the chance yet. It's been 2 months, and to be quite honest, when I had music with her, I was scared. Scared that I'd lose control and physically defend my friends and classmates. I hate injustice, and she's gotten away with too much for me to be comfortable around her. I feel like.... one day, she's gonna seriously injure me or my friends. And I won't be able to help. Yes, I am afraid. I don't know what to do, to be honest. The school could just kick me out for being a 'troublemaker'. But I'm scared, and I want some help.

#rant #stuff #school

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