#so basically i haven’t heard anything about her since 2021

[genderqueer-karma]

crying real tears my japanese teacher came back to the states after going back to japan in 2020

[sarahsmi13s]

Lieutenant Rogers - pt 7

Shield of Injustice

pairings: romantic!neil ‘omaha’ vikander x rogers!reader, platonic!dagger squad x rogers!reader, plantonic!sam wilson x rogers!reader, platonic!bucky barnes x rogers!reader

characters: sam wilson, bucky barnes, john walker, lemar hoskins, helmut zemo, joaquin torres, karli morgenthau, the flag smashers, the dora milaje, sarah wilson (mentioned), y/n rogers, neil vikander

word count: ~6.9k 

series warnings: language, blood, fighting, sexual inuendoes, john walker, cannon dangers, cannon deaths, suggestive themes, the flag smashers, super soldiers, angst, if i miss any please let me know

chapter warnings: language, blood, fighting, death, murder, john walker in general, suggestive oma-star content, threats of harm or violence to loved ones, poorly written fight sequences (i’m so sorry), if i missed any lmk

a/n: if you couldn’t already tell, i’m OBSESSED with crossovers. reader is the daughter of steve rogers, and has the super soldier serum as well

also this part is basically episode 4 of tfatws, so we get mentions of star and a little cameo in the middle

sources: Top Gun: Maverick (2022) , The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (2021)

series summary: 13 pilots were called back to Top Gun in 2023. at the same time, Lieutenant Rogers learns that her father’s shield was passed down to John Walker.

chapter summary: while star and her friends fly the mission of a lifetime, sam and bucky are on a mission to find karli before john does. but they all get way more than the barganed for...

‘lieutenant rogers’ universe

pt 1  pt 2  pt 3  pt 4  pt 5  pt 6  pt 8

*****************

It’s been about two weeks since Bucky and Sam really talked to you except for when John showed up unannounced at Top Gun.

A lot’s happened with them.

They broke Zemo out of jail, but Bucky will tell you Zemo escaped all on his own. They went to Madipor and almost died. They also saw Sharon Carter. Zemo killed some scientist that had recreated the serum and then they almost died again.

And now they were looking for Karli in Latvia.

****

Zemo just told them that Donya Madani’s funeral would be that afternoon, and it’s highly likely that Karli would be there.

Bucky may have lost his temper a little bit, thrown a teacup maybe. But could you blame him? Not only was he trying to stop a radicalized supremacist Super Soldier and get his best friend's shield back, he was worried about you.

He understood that you had limited contact while on a carrier but he would have liked a text or phone call, something to let him know you were okay.

Sam came back from the call he had to make to Sharon.

“Hey Sam?” Bucky got his attention. “What Bucky?” “Have you heard from Y/N yet? You know anything about the mission she was sent on?” Sam shook his head, “No, I haven’t heard from her. But I know the mission is dangerous and that she said she’d get in touch with us as soon as she was on shore.”

Bucky nodded, “I know it’s just been awhile and she said the mission would only take a day.” “Bucky, she’s on a carrier in the middle of the ocean, it’s gonna take more than a few days,” Sam reasoned.

“She’d want us to focus on our mission, not worry about her. Not that I’m not worrying, but she knows distractions can be fatal.” Bucky just pressed his lips into a thin line and nodded.

*****

When time came to go to the memorial, Bucky, Zemo, and Sam left the safe house.

“Karli Morgenthau is too dangerous for you guys to be pulling this shit.”

Great, John’s here.

Bucky threw his arms to the side as Lemar and John jogged down the steps, “Ah, how’d you find us now?”

“Come on, man. You think two Avengers can walk around Latvia without drawing attention?” Lemar retorted as they went down another flight of stairs.

“No more keeping us in the dark,” John started, as they reached the bottom. “You can start by telling us why you broke him out of prison.” He pointed at Zemo.

Bucky tilted his head a little as they met John and Lemar at the stairs. “He did that himself, technically.”

“What would Lieutenant Rogers think-” Bucky pointed at him, “You leave her out of this. She’s got nothing to do with this. She doesn’t even know we’re here.”

“Well, this,” John gestured to Zemo again, “better have an unbelievable explana-” John got closer and Sam stepped between him and Zemo. “Hey, take it easy before it gets weird.”

Zemo rolled his eyes and stepped through, “I know where Karli is.” Him and Bucky started walking around John.

John’s hand on Zemo’s chest made him stop. “Well, where?” John asked impatiently, looking at Sam. “All we know it, it’s a memorial,” Sam answered. Zemo looked over John’s shoulder and walked around him.

“That means civilians. High risk of casualties,” Lemar said, turning to follow the Baron. “Alright, good, we’ll move in fast. Take her by surprise,” John strategized.

Sam looked at John, “No, I wanna talk to her alone.” John looked over, shaking his head, “I’m not losing her again.”

Sam wasn’t about to let John near Karli, “Look, the person closest to her died, she’s vulnerable. If there’s any time to reason with her it’s now.”

But, John wasn’t having it. He ran up in front of them all, “What? No. Wait, no! No! Stop. Hold on. Stop, okay?” He looks at Sam in the back, “I think we’re way past reasoning with her, unless you forgot that she blew up a building with people still in it.”

Lemar agreed, “Look, Sam, you walk in there cold, she could kill you.”

“If I go in hot and the op goes wrong, more people will die,” Sam argued back.

John looked at Bucky, “You’re gonna let him do this? Are you gonna let your partner walk into a room with a Super Soldier alone?”

“He’s dealt with worse. And he’s not my partner,” Bucky sassed.

Sam tried to reason with John as he walked around Bucky, “I used to counsel soldiers dealing with trauma, okay? This is right in my wheelhouse.” He stood in front of John now.

“Yeah, I know. And I know those soldiers, which is why I know this is a bad idea.” John really just wanted to get this over with and complete his first big mission, and gain your respect.

Lemar shook his head, “Wait… If he can talk her down, it might be worth a try.”

John scoffed, but finally complied. He pointed to Zemo, “We’ll deal with you later.”

“I’m sure it will all come to an agreeable conclusion. My associate is just up ahead.”

They turned and saw a little girl. Zemo led the way.

He spoke to her quietly before she gestured for them to follow her.

“What the hell?” John asked, frustrated that Zemo could gain allies so quickly.

****

The girl led them to a GCR building and pointed in the direction of the memorial.

“Karli’s in there,” Zemo further explained. Sam nodded and walked through, “Alright.”

Zemo goes to follow but John harshly grabs him and shoves him against the wall. Zemo groans a little bit as John speaks to Sam, “Hey. You got 10 minutes.” He cuffs Zemo. “Really?” Zemo rolls his eyes as the cuff locks around his wrist.

“Then we're doing things my way,” John was still talking to Sam as he locked the other around a bar.

“Aggressive,” Zemo mumbles. John looks back at him. “But I get it.”

****

John paced as he waited for Sam.

“You’re gonna pace a hole in the floor, Walker,” Bucky said, arms crossed.

He looked at Bucky, “I’ve been meaning to ask, what would Lieutenant Rogers think about all this? Breaking him out of prison, letting Wilson go in there alone.”

“You seem to care an awful lot about what the pilot thinks,” Zemo observed. John’s jaw clenched. Zemo’s mouth formed an ‘o’, “Oh, you want the lieutenant's approval. That’s what it is.”

Bucky scoffed, “You think bringing Karli in is gonna earn her respect?” John stayed silent. “Well, you better hope Karli’s alive when you do.”

John sat down for a minute or two before beginning to pace again.

“Uh-uh. No, no, no. This is a bad idea,” John said. Whether he genuinely felt uneasy and worried for Sam’s safety, or he just didn’t want Karli to get away and ruin his chance at his first big mission was unclear. However, with his attitude thus far, it was safe to assume the latter.

“It hasn't been 10 minutes,  John. Just sit tight,” Bucky said from his spot in the doorway.

“Don’t do that. Don’t patronize me,” John spat going down to look at the clock.

Bucky shrugged and watched him, “He knows what he’s doing.”

John stares at the clock before Bucky watches his demeanor change and he walks towards him.

When he gets to him, Bucky stops him, giving him a look and a head tilt that said, ‘Don’t even try.’

John stepped back, looking at the ground with a clenched jaw. He looked up at Bucky, attempting to be intimidating and not frustrated. “This is all really easy for you, isn’t it?”

He was talking about the serum in Bucky’s veins, in your veins, but not in his own.

“All that serum runnin’ through your veins. Barnes, your partner needs backup in there…” Bucky just stared as John looked past him. “Do you really want his blood on your hands?”

****

Well…

That went… horrible.

John managed to push past Bucky and into the room, just as Sam was getting somewhere.

His intrusion not only made Karli run, but it also destroyed any rapport Sam had created with her.

But don’t worry, Zemo managed to get free and find her.

He got multiple shots off, hitting her in the abdomen with one of them. But when she knocked the table over, she knocked her vials of serum onto the floor.

Zemo smashed them under his boot, destroying any potential Karli had at expanding her army.

And while he was doing that, Karli managed to escape and John caught up with him, knocking him unconscious with the shield.

****

Back at the safe house, Sam is emailing Sharon while Zemo rested with a cold compact on his face.

“Were you ever offered it?” Zemo asked Sam.

“What?”

“The serum.”

“No.”

“If you had been, hypothetically, that is, would you have taken it?”

That caught Sam’s attention.

“No.”

“No hesitation… that’s impressive.”

Zemo grunted a little as he took the compact off his face. “Sam, you can’t hold out hope for Karli. No matter what you saw in her, she’s gone. And we cannot allow that she and her acolytes become yet another faction of gods amongst real people. Super Soldiers cannot be allowed to exist.”

Sam shook his head and turned toward Zemo, “Isn’t that how gods talk?”

That made Zemo think, leaving him to sit there silently.

“And if that’s how you feel, what about Bucky, or Y/N?”

That didn’t draw a response from Zemo.

“Blood isn’t always the solution.”

The door opened and closed as Bucky walked in, shucking the leather jacket off.

“Somethings off about Walker…”

Sam chuckled, “You don’t say.”

Bucky laid his jacket on the bar and went over to a cabinet. “I know a crazy when I see one.” He pulls out a glass to pour himself a drink, “That’s because I am crazy…”

Sam chuckled, “I believe it.”

Bucky uncorked the bottle and poured his drink, “You and Y/N shouldn’t have given him the shield…”

“We didn’t give him the shield.”

“Well Steve definitely didn’t,” Bucky sassed, bringing the glass to his lips.

Before Sam could retort, the door was kicked open.

“Alright. That’s it. Let’s go. I’m now ordering you to turn him over,” John demanded as he stormed in, Lemar trailing behind him.

Sam stepped up to him, “Hey slow your roll. Now let’s be clear; shield or no shield, the only thing you’re runnin’ in here is your mouth.” John squinted his eyes a little but didn’t say anything. So Sam continued. “Now, I had Karli and you overstepped.”

He pointed with his thumb towards Zemo, “He’s actually proven himself useful today. And we’re gonna need all hands on deck for whatever’s comin’ next.”

“How do you want the rest of the conversation to go, Sam, huh?” Sam just looked at John, making the latter chuckle softly. “Yeah…” John gestured with the shield, “Should I put down the shield? Make it fair?”

Sam scoffed at John’s poor attempt at being intimidating. John put the shield down, preparing himself for a fight.

But before either man could make a move, a vibranium spear was thrown right between them.

Everyone looked in the direction it came from, seeing a Dora Milaje make herself known. Then two more soldiers came through the opened doors.

Ayo spoke in Wakandan to Bucky, “Even if he is a means to your end… Time’s up.” Then she switched to English, “Release him to us, now.”

John turned and held out a hand, “Hi, John Walker, Captain America.” When he got no response he looked around awkwardly. He was losing control of the situation and he didn’t like that.

“Well, uh, let’s put down the pointy sticks and we can talk this through, huh?”

Sam chuckled a little, “Hey, John, take it easy.” John turned to Sam with a look on face, making Sam grin a little bit. “You might want to fight Bucky or Y/N before you tangle with the Dora Milaje.”

John smirked and turned back to Ayo, “The Dora Milaje don’t have jurisdiction here.” She narrowed her eyes and tilted her head, “The Dora Milaje have jurisdiction wherever the Dora Milaje find themselves to be.”

John nodded, “Okay…” He chuckled, “Look, I think we got off on the wrong foot.”

John then proceeded to make the mistake of placing his hand on Ayo’s shoulder…

She used her spear to knock his arm away before hitting him in the knee, then the face. While he was disoriented, she kicked him in the chest and into the spear that was still lodged into the column.

Then just absolute chaos ensued.

The Dora Milaje used their speed and agility to fight both John and Lemar. They’re trained warriors and the way they fight is unique, the two American soldiers were very under prepared.

Sam, Bucky, and Zemo just watched, the latter two finding it pretty amusing.

But Sam walked over to Bucky, “We should do something…” Bucky nodded a little and crossed his arms, “Looking strong John!”

Ayo wasn’t letting up and it made Sam a little antsy. And by the time she got John on the ground, he was sure she would put her spear through his chest.

“Bucky…”

The addressed looked at him and sighed, “Alright, fine.”

Bucky walked over and grabbed the spear, “Ayo…” She pulled the spear back, making Bucky grunt in surprise. “Ayo, let’s talk about this,” he managed to say as he fought her.

In the living room, Sam had to assist Lemar. He took the hits and dodged what he could as the other trapped John to the table by threading her spear through the straps of the shield.

Back with Bucky, Ayo managed to get the upper hand and disarm him… no literally, the Wakandas had embedded a code into the arm in the event the Winter Soldier ever made an appearance again.

While Bucky was stunned Ayo checked the bathroom where she saw Zemo sneak off to, but he had escaped through the grate in the middle of the floor.

John managed to free his arm just before the soldier that threw it took her spear back, letting the shield fall to the floor.

And he didn’t dare move to grab it, so the Dora warrior did.

But Ayo was on a mission.

“He is gone,” she said, referring to the Baron. Then she nodded to the shield. “Leave it,” she ordered.

The warrior nodded and gave the shield back to John, who still sat on the floor trying to catch his breath.

In the kitchen area, Bucky knelt down and picked his arm back up and just looked at it.

“Did you know they could do that?” Sam asked as he got off the floor and walked over to him.

Bucky didn’t answer as he put his arm back on, groaning a little as the plates got back into place. He flexed his fingers, “No.” The mechanisms whirled and clanked a bit before he rotated his arm around and set everything back into place.

Lemar gets up and walks over to John, who is just staring at the floor.

“You alright man?”

“They weren’t even Super Soldiers…” John mumbled out.

His ego was severely damaged. He felt like he was taking a step forward only to get pushed ten steps back. John had lost control and then got his ass handed to him on a vibranium platter.

John was frustrated, he was failing his mission. He’s not ready, and it’s painfully obvious to him now. This role is harder than he thought, Steve’s shoes are too big to fill on his own.

“Come on,” Lemar said as he helped him up.

Sam walked by and only gave John a disgruntled look. A look that clearly told John he fucked up.

*****

John and Lemar stood at a table in the mall, talking about the mission.

“Look man, the serum and its source are gone,” Lemar started. “I know it didn’t work out the way you wanted it to, but it ain’t all bad.” John nodded and gave him a small, tight lipped smile.

Before John could respond, a girl came up to him and asked for an autograph, which he gave her.

He thanked them and wished them a good day before turning back to his friend, rubbing his face in exhaustion.

“How long until that gets annoying?” Lemar teased. John chuckled, “You’re just mad she didn’t ask for yours…” “Oh, it’s her loss,” Lemar threw back. “Even got a little Battlestar logo to go with it.”

John exhales amusedly through his nose.

He tapped the table, “If you had the chance to take the serum, would you do it?” Lemar nodded, “Hells, yeah.”

“You wouldn’t be worried about how it might… how it might change you?”

Lemar thought about it before sighing, “I mean… Power just makes a person more of themselves, right?” He shrugged, “Karli Morgenthau. Steve and Y/N Rogers.”

John nodded a little before looking at him, “And me?”

Lemar faced his friend completely, “You already have three Medals of Honor. You consistently make the right decisions in the heat of battle.”

John rubbed his brow, “Yep…” He kept his eyes on the table, “Three badges of excellence to make sure I never forget the worst day of my life…”

He looked up at Lemar, “We both know that the things we had to do in Afghanistan to be awarded those medals felt a long way from being right… Being Cap is the first time I’ve had the chance to do something that actually feels right.”

“But God! Imagine how many lives we could have saved that day if we had that serum,” Lemar said. John nodded, “I know… I know.”

*******

You laid on the couch, your fingers gently running through Omaha’s dark hair as he rested his head on your stomach.

The setting sun casted a beautiful orange glow over the room as the movie played on TV. You could feel the vibration of Neil’s chest against your thighs as he snored.

The squad had just gotten back to North Island earlier that afternoon and after the debriefing all you and Omaha wanted to do was cuddle and be with each other. So that’s what you did.

You knew you should probably call Sam and Bucky, but you had been on a cramped carrier all week and you just wanted to spend some time with your boyfriend. You also weren’t sure where they were or if they were busy, so you’d just let them call your first or check in with them after you’ve had time to decompress.

Which is why you were finally letting your eyes slip closed as you relaxed.

And then your phone rang.

Groaning, you reached for your phone. You picked it up and answered it, not bothering to check the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this Y/N?”

The voice on the other end was unfamiliar, and it put you on alert. It was foreign, sounded European but pinpointing exactly where wasn’t really your concern.

You carefully sat up, hoping you wouldn’t wake Omaha, “It is. Who are you?”

“My name is Karli Morgenthau.”

You froze for a second. You recognized that name.

Sam and Bucky tried to keep you in the dark, but you had connections. Someone on the very inside that was keeping you updated as best he could. And the name ‘Karli Morgenthau’ came up a lot recently.

You gently get up as you speak, “I know the name… You’re the leader of the Flag Smashers, right? The group against the GRC?”

Making sure Neil is still asleep, you step out onto the back porch.

“I am, and you’re Steve Rogers daughter…”

“I am… Why are you calling me Karli?”

She sighs, “I need you to stay out of my way. I know how close you are with Sam and Bucky…”

“Are you threatening me, Karli?”

“All I’m asking is that you make sure Bucky stays out of my way. I want to speak with Sam, alone. If Bucky comes with him, I can’t promise he’ll make it out alive…”

You cross your arms and lean against the railing, “Bucky can hold his own, he is a trained assassin after all.”

Karli’s quiet for a moment before speaking again. “You know that we’ve reached people all across the world right? Have pulled hundreds of people to the cause, some in San Diego?”

You knew what she was doing but you weren’t going to take any chances.

“What do you want me to do?”

“Just stay out of it. Don’t try and warn them, I’ll know. I can track your calls and text,” she says with authority.

You can see why she has a following, and you understand her cause… but her methods don’t sit right with you.

“And if I don’t?”

“If you want your friends, your boyfriend, to stay safe… you’ll do as I ask…”

You can hear the smirk in her voice, the baseless arrogance thinking that she had intimidated you. You knew there was a big chance that she was lying, that she was just using the people you held close and loved as leverage. She was a bully, and the Rogers don’t like bullies.

But were you really going to risk the safety of your family? No, you weren’t.

“Okay, I won’t intervene…”

“Good.”

She hung up and you let out a breath.

“Everything okay?”

You looked up and saw Neil in the doorway. You smiled at him, “Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine. I just needed to take a phone call… I didn’t want to wake you.” He nodded and came over to you. 

“Was it Sam or Bucky?” You shook your head, “No, it was my contact. He was updating me, said they were doing just fine and were getting close to stopping this group.”

He smiled, “Okay that’s good.” He wrapped his arms around you, “Do you want to go out for dinner or just eat here?” You put your arms around his neck and tilt your head, “I’d rather eat here, if that’s okay?” 

Omaha nods, “Of course that’s okay. I do need to go get some stuff-” “I can go get it. I don’t mind.” 

He squeezed your hips, “Are you sure?” You nodded and pressed your lips to his.

He hummed against your lips and pulled you close. You arched into him and got on your toes. Neil gripped your hips and picked you up to sit you on the railing.

You giggled and sat your phone down as he began to kiss your neck.

A moan fell from your lips and your hand slipped under his shirt. His hands moved up your sides; one in the middle of your back to keep you firmly against him and the other buried itself under your messy bun to pull your lips to his in a deep kiss.

Your free hand pulled him closer by his waistband as he licked your bottom lip. 

He slipped his tongue into your mouth, battling for dominance with yours.

You’re moaning and whimpering against each other’s mouths before he has to pull away for air.

“Fuck, Star-light…” You chuckled at the breathlessness in his voice as you took a few deep breaths. “After dinner Oma, I promise.” 

Neil nodded as he swallowed, “I’ll hold you to that.” You laughed again as you both sat there in each other’s arms. 

Your phone going off vibrated the railing you were perched on and shattered the moment.

You checked it, just to see that it was a text from Fanboy about a new show you had talked about watching together. 

You looked back up at your boyfriend, “I should probably head to the store.” He nods, “Let me make a list. What sounds good?” You think about it for a minute, trying to find out what’s making your mouth water. “Ooooh, chicken and steak quesadillas? With homemade tortilla chips?” 

“Do we have tortillas?” You nod, a grin spreading across your face. He mirrors it, “Then that’s perfect. I’ll make the chips while you go to the store.” 

Giddy, you peck his lips, “Okay, make a list while I fix my hair and make myself look presentable.” He grinned and kissed you back, “Yes, ma’am.” 

You shove him away with a giggle and you both go inside.

You go into your room and fix your hair before throwing on one of Neil’s hoodies. As you do that, your phone dings with another text, this time it’s from Sarah Wilson. 

“I need you to call me. Karli just made contact with me…”

You huffed and dug through one of the drawers in your closet.

“C’mon…” You sighed once you found it. “There you are.” You pulled out the old burner phone Nick had given you and slid it into your pocket.

After that you slipped on your shoes, got the list and another kiss from Neil and you’re out the door.

******

Sam and Bucky were walking around Latvia looking for Zemo when Sam’s phone rang.

“Who is it?” Bucky asked, not looking at the caller ID. “It’s my sister,” Sam mumbled, concern in his tone as he answered. “Hey, what’s up?”

Bucky couldn’t hear what Sarah was saying but by the way Sam responded, he could tell it wasn’t good.

“Listen, pack an overnight bag and take the boys.”

Bucky turns his head, “What happened?”

Sam pulled his phone away from his ear, “Karli called Sarah. She threatened my nephews.” He brought his phone back to his ear.

“Okay. Go somewhere safe. Only pay cash. Alright? Let me know when you get there.”

Bucky’s phone vibrates in his pocket.

“I know. Look, I love you. I’ll never let anything happen to you and the boys.” Bucky pulls his phone out to check the notification.

“Okay, bye.”

Sam hangs up as Bucky slows to stop to read the text from an unknown number. Bucky’s brow furrowed and he frowned at his phone.

Sam arched an eyebrow, “Everything okay?” Bucky shook his head, “I’m not sure.” Sam peaked over at Bucky’s phone screen, reading the text on the screen.

“Karli wants to meet Sam somewhere alone. Don’t let him go alone, but don’t get caught either. Watch your 6, Buck - ⭐”

“That has to be Y/N…” Bucky said, a sense of dread filling his chest that Karli knew your number. “It’s signed with a star… thingy.”

“An emoji?”

“Whatever it is, that can’t be a coincidence.”

Sam nodded as he sighed, “She used an Avengers burner phone… we can’t track it because she most likely took the battery out. But that means no one else can track that text back to her either.”

Bucky nods and deletes the text and the number from his phone, just as a secondary precaution.

“But she’s right… Karli wants to meet me somewhere. She left a contact number with Sarah,” Sam confirmed just before his phone sounded with a text notification.

He looked at it and it was a location and time. The rooftop about North Plaza, and now. She wasn’t going to let him sit and develop a plan.

“She said to come alone… Like Y/N said…” Sam told Bucky, nerves and fear filling him as he looked at the sniper.

Even had you not warned Bucky, he wasn’t about to let Sam face Karli alone.

“I’m coming with you.”

****

After changing into their gear, they went to the plaza.

“Karli!” Sam shouted as soon as he entered the room.

The Super Soldier leaned over the railing to make herself known and the two men made their way up the stairs.

“You called my sister? That’s how we’re gonna play this?” Sam questioned the moment he topped the steps.

“Sam, I would never hurt her,” Karli said gently as she leaned on the banister. “I just wanted to understand you better.”

She pushed off the half wall, “I see you, uh–” She pointed to Bucky, “–didn’t come alone.”

“You have to end this, now,” Sam said, natural, but gentle, authority in his voice.

Karli shook her head, “I don’t wanna hurt you. You’re just a tool in the regimes I’m looking to destroy.” She glances at Bucky who walks a little closer to cover Sam’s back, “You’re not hiding behind a shield.”

“If I were to kill you, it would be meaningless,” she said bluntly.

In all fairness, Sam and Bucky weren’t representing symbols like John was. They weren’t members of the government or the GRC. Their deaths would do nothing for Karli’s cause.

Sam glanced over his shoulder to Bucky, assessing his body language and overall demeanor before turning back to Karli.

“I was gonna ask you to join me… or do the world a favor and let me go.”

Before Sam could say or do anything, Sharon spoke into his comms.

“Hey, Sam, new Cap is moving, looks like he’s found them, or maybe they found him.”

Sam’s eyes widened and he looked at Bucky, “It’s Walker.”

Bucky quickly made the move to jump down, but Karli had other plans. She jumped and slammed into Bucky, causing him to slam into the column.

While Bucky pushed off the ground with a groan, Sam fought Karli. He placed a kick to her chest, throwing her off balance.

He looked at Bucky, “I’ll send you the location, go.” Buck nodded and ran through the door while Sam deployed his wings and took off before Karli could get up.

****

When Sam landed at the location, having cannonballed through the skylight onto the stairs, a Flag Smasher was kicked through the door about two flights above him and straight into the wall.

Sam looked up the flight of stairs and saw John walking down them with a look of determination on his face, sheathing the shield on his back as he got closer.

Sam could only watch as the Flag Smasher tried to hit John with a pipe, only for John to catch it and wrestle with him for a moment… before he easily bent the pipe. The steel pipe.

“Oh shit…”

John threw the soldier into a pillar, who hit it harshly but managed to get up and run.

Sam watched John descend the steps and walk past him, “What did you do?” John bypassed the question, “They’ve got Lemar.”

****

Bucky entered the building from the bottom floor, skipping steps as he ran up the stairs.

As he ran up a flight, he’s ambushed on his left side and slammed into the wall.

The soldier grabbed him from behind and tried to put him in a chokehold. But Bucky leveraged himself against the wall and launched them into a pillar.

He managed to free himself from the guy's hold. Bucky parried one of the punches thrown at him before kicking him down the stairs.

Bucky hurdled the railing and stalked toward the Flag Smasher as he tried to get up.

Before he could stand up, Bucky planted his boot into the guy’s chest and sent him through the brick wall.

Bucky checked to make sure the soldier was unconscious before leaving.

“Stay there.”

****

Sam and John made it to a big open, seemingly empty, room.

Then two soldiers jumped down behind them from the landing.

John reflexively threw the shield, hitting them both. Sam closed-lined one with his wing, while the other pulled a knife on John.

“What’s with all the knives?”

Within a few minutes of them fighting, Bucky made his appearance as well as two more Flag Smashers.

The one with the knife tried to stab John, but he countered it with the shield and sent the blade flying towards Bucky. Luckily he caught it.

But a soldier approached him from behind with a knife of their own.

Bucky readied himself and the soldier charged, kick flipping before attempting to attack. But the attempted slashes were parried and countered with a few punches and a knee to the ribs. Then Bucky gets leverage and is able to flip them onto their back.

He flips the knife in his hand and throws it into the floor next to the soldier’s head.

Another soldier grabbed Sam from behind. He quickly elbowed them and turned on his thrusters, using the heat to disorient them before kicking them over the table.

John hit one in the face with the shield before throwing another on the ground.

The one thrown charged at a preoccupied Sam, but Bucky intercepted them and punched them out.

“You’re welcome.”

As John fought, he was grabbed from behind by a maskless Flag Smasher.

John struggled to get free and the soldier locked his arms, exposing his chest.

Karli charged in, hurdling a table and running to John, knife at the ready.

But Lemar came in just in time and tackled Karli.

They both got up off the ground, ready to fight. But Karli was faster.

One well placed, powerful punch to Lemar’s chest sent him into a concrete column. Killing him instantly.

****

It was like the world was put into slow motion.

The fighting stopped as Lemar slumped on the floor.

John broke free of the hold on him and went straight to Lemar.

He knelt next to him, “Hey. Hey. Hey.” John patted his chest and shook his shoulder. He held Lemar’s face, “Lemar. Lemar.”

John kept repeating Lemar’s name, but it was no use. Lemar was dead.

The rage that filled John was visible. Everyone in the room felt it.

Bucky and Sam were stunned, catching their breath as they watched John.

But the Flag Smashers took their chance and ran.

Karli took a different exit than the others, and Bucky and Sam followed her.

John took the quickest exit, jumping out the window. He immediately clocked the soldier that held him back.

He chased him into the town square. Using the shield to block what concrete object was thrown at him.

“Where is she?!”

John ran, throwing the shield at the soldier’s back before running up to him and hitting him in the chest, knocking him back into the memorial.

He tried to get up but John knocked him down with the shield. He tried again but John pinned him under his boot.

“It wasn’t me!” He shouted, begging for his life.

John said nothing as he raised the shield.

“It wasn’t me!”

The soldier’s final plea fell on deaf ears as the edge of the shield was brought down on his chest.

****

The crowd that had gathered gasped as John brought the shield down three more times, shouting in rage.

Once the man fell limp under John, he stood and took deep breaths.

Bucky and Sam ran through the crowd, but they were too late. Far too late.

John strapped the bloodied shield to his arm. Brandishing the tainted symbol to the recording phones.

Blood was rushing in John’s ears, dampening the sounds of the world around him. But his eyes worked just fine.

The sight of a crowd, multiple cameras, Sam and Bucky, and a dead body greeted John as he looked around.

Then the sprinkling rain hit his skin and the weight of his actions barreled into him… and he ran.

******

Bucky and Sam chased after John, finding him in an abandoned train station.

They find him kneeling, grieving the loss of his best friend. They don’t intervene, they know he needs it.

It’s not until John stands and walks in their direction that they make their move.

“Walker…” Sam said cautiously.

John looked at them, but didn't stop walking, “You guys should see a medic, you don't look so good.”

“Stop, Walker.”

John turns around, “What?” He started gesturing with his hands, “You saw what happened. You know what I had to do. I killed him because I had to! He killed Lemar!”

Bucky shook his head, “He didn’t kill Lemar, John.”

Walker just rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Don’t go down that road,” Bucky advised. “Believe me, it doesn’t end well.”

“I’m not like you.”

Sam stepped up, trying to reason with John and calm him down.

“Listen, it was the heat of the battle. Okay? If you explain what happened, they may consider your record. We don’t want anyone else to get hurt.”

Bucky couldn’t stop looking at the blood on the shield as Sam stayed calm.

“John… You gotta give me the shield, man.”

Walker looked up at the two, “Oh…” He smirked a little, appearing as if he just figured a riddle. “So that’s what this is…” He looked at Sam, “You almost got me.”

Sam shook his head and shrugged, “You made a mistake.”

John looked between them, “You don’t wanna do this.”

Bucky clenched his jaw and looked up at Walker, tearing his eyes away from the now tainted memory of his best friend.

“Yeah we do.”

****

The fight that ensued was quick, but it was ugly.

John wasn’t giving up that shield easily, but Sam and Bucky weren’t letting him leave with it.

Faces were bloodied, rib cages were bruised and broken.

Sam and Bucky’s intentions were just to incapacitate John and take the shield.

Walker was trying to kill them.

He was aiming for the chest, the throat, the face, the head. Anywhere that could be lethal, that’s where John was aiming.

John thought he deserved that shield. After everything he went through to be chosen. After what he endured that got him a spot on the list.

He wasn’t going to let them simply take it. They would have to kill him.

But they didn’t.

Sam and Bucky had every opportunity to kill John. Just like that, John is dead and the shield is theirs.

Except, it wasn’t that simple to them… Well maybe to Bucky it was but he had to think about more than just what he wants.

They fought and fought. Their backs met the concrete more than they would care to admit.

John ripped Sam’s wings from his pack, nearly decapitated him with the shield before Bucky intervened.

After Bucky took hits to the ribs and face, Sam managed to get ahold of the shield. Both of them work together to take the shield from where it was strapped to John’s arm.

Bucky had John pinned to a broken down forklift and Sam had to use his thrusters to get the shield to finally come off… snapping John’s arm in the process.

But Walker wasn’t letting them just walk away.

He stood from the ground, chest heaving as he walked towards them. “It’s mine.”

Sam stared him down. “It’s over, John.”

“It’s mine!”

He throws a punch at Bucky, only for it to be countered. While disoriented from the punch, John tries to run at Bucky, only for the assassin to lower his shoulder and pick him up by the legs.

Sam took the shield and ran, the shield meeting John’s back as Bucky slung the man and knocking them all to the ground.

Bucky is the first to stand, picking up the shield and dropping it by Sam’s head before walking out.

*****

The next day, Sam and Bucky met with Torres at the same building Mama Donya’s memorial was in.

Bucky left shortly after Joaquin arrived, leaving Sam alone with him.

“What’s our next steps, Torres?” Sam asks, propping himself on the table.

“Captain America killing a foreign national in public, it’s kinda like a big deal… Like-like international incident big. Folks, uh, higher up on the payroll are all over it now. So, unfortunately…”

“They’re taking jurisdiction,” Sam finished.

Torres nodded, “Yeah.”

He looked down and noticed Sam’s equipment bag on the ground, broken wings inside.

“What happened to these?” He walked over and picked the bag up with a grunt, sitting it on the table.

“So, is there anything we can do?” Sam asked Torres as he looked through the bag.

Joaquin shook his head a little, “Not really.” He continued to look at the damaged wings, “As you can see, they’ve cordoned off the whole camp, and Karli’s a ghost. After what went down, she’s laying extra low. Like under-underground.”

“And that’s why it makes sense for us to get involved. The longer we let her regroup, the harder it’s going to be to find her,” Sam told him.

“She’s got people helping her from all over the world, on all platforms. She’s… really good at this thing.”

Sam nodded his agreement, “Yeah.”

Torres ran his hand over the wings, “How’d these break?” But his question is only answered with a sigh.

So he moved on.

“Anyway, all we can do now is sit tight and just chill. Sometimes, there’s nothing to do until there’s something to do.”

Sam stood and smirked a little, “That’s bizarrely wise.”

Torres chuckled, “Well, I’m a bizarrely wise man, Sam.” “Yeah, alright.”

Sam’s phone rang in his pocket and he sighed. He picked up the shield and turned to leave.

“That Star?” Joaquin asked, standing straighter. Sam reached for his phone, “I hope so… Thanks Torres.” He nodded, “For sure.”  

Sam pulled his phone out and walked toward the exit.

“Wait, yo, you forgot the wings,” Torres called out. Sam looked over his shoulder, “Keep ‘em.”

****

Sam answered your call once he got outside.

“I know-”

“What. The. Fuck did he do?”

Sam sucked in a breath.

This was bad.

********************

well....

that was... something

john walker has defiled and tainted the shield’s legacy... everything steve rogers stood for covered in the blood of someone. sam and bucky had their go, now it’s star’s turn

i’m sorry it took so long to get this part up, but it’s here know! and we’re getting more into the events of TFATWS. the next few parts will follow the events of the last two episodes. but it won’t stop there.

let me know if you want to be added to my top gun taglist or the lieutentant rogers taglist by rebloging the masterlist linked at the top, commenting, or sending me an ask!

lt. rogers tags <33: @milesdickpic @roosterscockpit @luckyladycreator2 @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @malindacath @twsssmlmaa @cassiemitchell @startrekfangirl2233 @mayhemmanaged @nikkipea​  @that-one-random-writer​ 

thank you guys for being here <33 *mwah*

[lucysweatslove]

Life/school updates again bc that is basically all this blog has turned into.

Dyed my hair last weekend. It’s been almost a full week. Some of it has washed out so really it’s just a little darker and more of a cool toned almost-black imo. I like it.

Since I won the VP thing, school has felt weird. I get this weird impression that some people are mad or annoyed. There are many reasons why I might be picking up on this- and idk if it’s even mad/annoyed because how tf am I supposed to know- but idk. If it IS because I won, that feels weird to me. I didn’t NOT want to win, but it’s not like I intentionally ran against the other girl in my cohort. I had no idea anybody else was running or had been nominated- and I had asked last year’s president (who was orchestrating it) to be sure. I had (and have) no intent to take away anything from anybody else. I also didn’t play dirty or anything. Like I get being disappointed if a close friend lost, but idk. If I had lost, I wouldn’t be angry or upset at anybody in particular or take out disappointment on anybody. It would just be like, yeah, more people in the class that voted chose that person. And every one of my classmates has some amazing things going for them- minus the fact that I feel less safe with some classmates than others, I don’t think anybody would do a BAD job in the role, so why be upset, you know?

Before I applied for the VP thing (before I was even nominated), I had told the MS2s that I was interested in the derm groups, but only if there was need. Like I’m interested but I was pretty clear that I don’t want to take away from anybody else. If other people are interested, let them lead. Well it turns out I’m now co-leading the derm interest group and leading the derm service learning group.

Another classmate texted me about the service learning group today. She recently shadowed a derm and liked it and wants to get more involved, both to explore and, I think, to show long-term interest in case she decides to go for derm. So I think if I can make it work, I’ll have her co-lead it too. I haven’t heard back from the current (MS2) lead though to talk to him about it.

It feels kind of weird having so many of us (10%) interested in derm. Idk if that’s the route I’m going to go for sure, but I loved working in derm, and my Autistic Special Interest (TM) is sunscreen so it fits lmao. 10% is just weird though. Though I go to a good school, matching derm is hard and few people do it. 6 people total matched derm this past match from the whole school (all like 270 of us). The prior year was also 6, but 2021 was only 2. Statistically speaking maybe one of us will match derm.

Which kinda goes back to me not wanting to take away opportunities. Something that is very hard for me: advocating for myself when it might come at the detriment of others. I feel like the girl that “doesn’t even go here” from Mean Girls sometimes. I genuinely want every one of us to succeed and match into desired specialties, and I want to support my classmates as much as possible….

The problem is that derm is hella competitive, and mostly it’s not even people who love derm. It’s people who love the lifestyle and money and “prestige” of derm and then forge connections. Or are already connected.

I have a leg up in a sense because I have connections from prior work, but they’re connections from my small “rural” state, not research connections or “big name” connections.

Which means regardless of my genuine interest (and the numbers of people from Reddit who DM me to ask about sunscreen and then tell me I should have a YT channel because of how well I can explain the concepts lmao), if I can’t force the “right” connections, I won’t match.

Then there’s the whole step 2 score issue too, which like, when you’re arguing over who to admit between a 272 and a 273, it’s just borderline ridiculous (the numbers might not mean anything to you, but those scores are somewhere in the 97-98th percentile.

Anyway, I want to be involved in things I’m interested in, and even if I don’t end up trying for derm, I still think derm is super important for a rural physician. Derms are more common where I live because we are a “recreation town” and attract a lot of derms, but out in the sticks, so wait times aren’t terrible, but it IS difficult for some patients to travel. If you are comfortable treating some of the most common derm diseases, can do a decent skin exam, and doing some of the most common derm procedures (like cryotherapy), you can improve patient outcomes for vulnerable rural populations.

Thank you for coming to my rant.

[trainsinanime]

Ich habe 5.537 Mal im Jahr 2022 etwas gepostet

Das sind 1.381 more posts als 2021!

601 Einträge erstellt (11%)

4.936 Einträge gerebloggt (89%)

Blogs, die ich am häufigsten gerebloggt habe:

@galahadwilder

@flightfoot

@gentil-minou

@dingdongyouarewrong

@into-september

Ich habe 4.137 meiner Einträge im Jahr 2022 getaggt

Nur 25% meiner Einträge hatten keine Tags

#miraculous ladybug – 3.099 Einträge

#spy x family – 135 Einträge

#bakery enemies au – 124 Einträge

#eurovision – 71 Einträge

#ml season 5 spoilers – 70 Einträge

#ml spoilers – 63 Einträge

#ml s5 spoilers – 53 Einträge

#marigami – 46 Einträge

#eurovision song contest – 40 Einträge

#ml elation spoilers – 30 Einträge

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#always remember weredad the basics of that situation haven’t really changed except he’s gotten even more unwilling to date anyone but ladybu

Meine Top-Einträge im Jahr 2022:

#5

Kim: Man, this Monarch guy sucks ass. I'm glad that Hawkmoth dude is gone, though.

Alya: What? No, it's the same man. He just uses a different name now.

Kim: Huh? Oh, I get it! Is this like how Marinette dresses up and calls herself Ladybug sometimes?

Alya: What? No she doesn't! …who told you?

Kim: Wait, that was supposed to be a secret? Oh shit, sorry!

Kim: How about Adrien and Chat Noir, is that a secret too?

884 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 6. November 2022

#4

Since I just saw some Ao3 discourse across my dash again, I just want to say: I think it would be great if there was a similar site to Ao3 that was explicitly kid-friendly and heavily moderated. I’m against turning Ao3 into that site, but I think it would be good if that site existed. I don’t care enough to actually make it happen myself, but I’d probably cross-post some of my stories there and maybe donate to keep it running. This is not meant as some sort of gotcha, I think people should really get on that because it would be a net good for fandom overall.

1.650 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 19. Oktober 2022

#3

The love square in Miraculous Ladybug seems so simple (“hey, that Superman-Lois-Clark thing? What if it went both ways?”), but I am in awe of how finely tuned and balanced it is. Both to make it plausible, and to make it interesting.

The show goes to great lengths to show that all sides (and in particular the two main ones) are absolutely realistic options if it weren’t for the rest. Adrien always liked Marinette and has been positively smitten with her since about season 2. Ladybug was always fond of Chat Noir and this has only increased. The one major time where Ladybug officially rejected Chat Noir, in Glaciator, was also one of the softest and genuinely most romantic moments between the two.

And at the same time, they didn’t make it too simple. The love square is not symmetric when you look at the details. Marinette’s feelings for Adrien and Chat Noir mirror his for Ladybug and Marinette to some extent at a very high level, but if you look down at the details, they’re all developing differently, at different paces, for different reasons, all the time. Chat Noir is the big romantic flirt. Marinette is head over heels and thwarted by anxiety. Both like grand gestures, but for Marinette it’s gifts, for Chat Noir it’s big events.

The show looks so simple, and I guess parts of it are. But the way our heroes interact in the love square is anything but, and that’s what makes it so much fun to watch.

2.190 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 7. Juli 2022

#2

Idea: Reverse Marichat. Marinette is out and night and sees Chat Noir sitting on some random balcony. So she scales up some trees, a gutter pipe and a window to come to him and see what’s up.

3.630 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 1. Oktober 2022

Meine #1 des Jahres 2022

Honestly, society has lost something big when they started putting ads on “Never Gonna Give You Up”. It used to be you clicked a link, and you heard that synth music and you just groaned. Nowadays, you see a link, go, “that might be Rick Astley”, then you click it, Youtube plays an ad for dog food and you see below that is indeed Rick Astley. You go, “ah, yes, that was indeed a link to that music video. Do I feel like watching the video today or not? Probably  not, but I have the entire ad time to decide”. It’s essentially a global “do you really want to get Rickrolled?” filter.

This is really one of the best and most important reasons for using an adblocker: So you can get the proper rickroll experience. Here are some good ones for your platform.

42.217 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 19. Januar 2022

Hol dir deinen Tumblr-Jahresrückblick 2022 →

[purplesurveys]

1647

so how are you today? Man you caught me at just the right time. Everyone is being fucking annoying. My mom has refused to talk to me and my siblings since Wednesday for reasons only she would know – the only difference now is that we’re all grown and have stopped seeking her validation, so we don’t actually care for this tantrum from a 50-year-old and are just more annoyed than anything lmao. Angela and Reena also for some reason are also being testy so I’ve had no choice but to bite back. Anyway, the only person I can tolerate right now is my sister and I’ve turned off my phone and kept it out of reach for the entire day, cos all I want to do and have to do is to cool down and get away from everyone eugh.

do you like to eat eggs? I like eggs but I get easily tired of the taste if the serving is too much in one meal. Something about it I can never get enough of, though, is when the yolk is runny.

when was the last time you had a cup of tea? It was in like December 2021 when the company gave a tea set as a gift for everyone and I decided to give tea a chance. (Didn’t work.)

do you have a tapestry in your bedroom? Nope.

have you ever been to London? I haven’t.

do you enjoy going to the library? I love libraries and wish we had more public ones...98% of the libraries we have are under schools, sooooo not super accessible. Another thing about libraries – I wish people went to actually read! Or otherwise, look for new things to read! Or discover genres they might not even know they’d love! Everrrrryone just goes to libraries for a quiet place to work and while that’s not wrong, it does kinda bum me out a bit...I wish people would have a deeper reason to go to libraries, and dare I say a deeper appreciation for them.

if you went to NYC (or if you’ve been) what are your favorite things to do there? I haven’t been, but I have two main things on my agenda when I land there – one is to go to ALL the museums New York could possibly offer me; the other is pizza.

who’s the most recent person on your Facebook feed? (if you have it) I am annoyed by people today and don’t feel like checking Facebook now lmao.

when (if ever) was the last time you saw that person? –

do you know anyone who has a pet bunny? Nah, we used to have one though.

can you play the violin? Nopes.

what’s the last movie you watched? Decision to Leave, but I didn’t finish it.

did you enjoy this movie? The cinematography and editing weren’t anything I’ve ever seen before and were both amazing; but plot-wise it was a challenge to keep me interested because I don’t like mystery and murder plots to begin with.

what store or website would you most like a gift card for? Nike.

how do you feel about wolves? Wouldn’t know how to manage one in real life.

what’s something you’re looking forward to? Spending the rest of this day alone and unbothered.

name your top 3 favorite musical instruments? To listen to? Piano, violin, saxophone.

what was the last book(s) you bought at a bookstore? Not an exact answer, but I very nearly picked up a copy of Saul Hofileña Jr’s Under the Stacks a month ago and stayed AGES at the bookstore thinking if I could afford to drop ₱900 on a book. Ultimately I decided against it but I’ve been itching to go back for it ever since. Books that compile essays about anything and everything social history are super hard to come by, and that beauty of a book does exactly that; I just have to gather budget for it first, lol.

does the song you’re listening to/last heard evoke any emotion for you? Not really. I like how vicious of a punch it gives in the lyrics, but it’d probably be too much of a reach to say it changed my life.

do you use pinterest? Mainly for work since I do a lot of event pitching and planning, and always need Pinterest for pegs and mockups.

are you wearing earrings? Nopes.

if so, describe them: I’m not wearing anything but thanks for reminding me that I really need to start investing in some good clip-ons.

do you know any sign language? Just basic phrases and most letters of the alphabet. 

have you ever seen the musical Ragtime? Never even heard of it.

do you have a favorite poem? Not really, I’m not a big fan of poems.

do you like Indian food? Crazy for it. It’s my favorite cuisine and it’s been so long since I’ve had it that it almost feels illegal.

describe your favorite scarf, if you have one: None; I never need them unless I’m flying out to a really cold country.

do you have a dog? Yeah, I have two of them.

have you ever read the Little House on the Prairie series? Sounds familiar but no, I don’t think I ever have.

do you have any homework? I’ve got work I should be doing, but I cannot be assed to do that anymore on weekends. The days of Fired-Up-Corporate-Slave-Robyn-Who-Can-Work-Weekends have long been laid to rest.

have you ever gone on a service trip to an underprivileged country? I already live in an underprivileged country lol, but yes – when I was in private school we did use to do visits and interactions and such with underprivileged groups and help with everyday tasks in their community.

do you need to do laundry? No.

do you enjoy going out for breakfast? Not really, mainly because I hate heading out at a really early hour. What I like to do instead is to go to restaurants that serve all-day breakfast so I can have it regardless of the time of day.

have you ever performed in front of more than 100 people? Sure.

do you like muffins? Just the chocolate chip type.

when (if ever) was the last time you went to church? This morning.

have you ever heard the singer Audra McDonald? Yeah I used to have a friend who was obsesseddddddddd with Private Practice and as far as I know she was on that show.

[mercy-burning]

I’ve Got You

Part of Mercy’s 1k Celebration: A collection of Spencer Reid x Reader requests to celebrate 1,000 followers.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: An embarrassed Reader accepts a swimming lesson from Spencer Category: FLUFF / SMUT ending (will be specified before it splits) Warnings: Language, fluffy smut at the end Word Count: 5.5k

Full Request: “...For your 1k celebration, I was wondering if you could write a fic where Spencer teaches reader how to swim, and then smut happens? Congratulations for 1k btw 🥰!” — @jareauswifey

***EDITED: 7/23/2021***

MASTERLIST | 1K MASTERLIST

NOTE: Fun fact: I don’t know how to swim either, so this was incredibly fun to write and I can’t wait for you guys to read it! 

Also, the more I wrote this the more it became absolutely fluffy, but since there was a request for smut, I wrote it in as an extra ending. So the majority of this is still fluffy, and there’s a good, solid end for those who don’t/can’t read smut. But the smut is added at the end for those who want it. Totally up to you! I hope y’all really enjoy this one!!

***

"Wait, she dragged you into the pool?"

"She didn't... drag me, she pulled me in."

"Look, no matter how you say it, Pretty Boy, the fact of the matter is, you ended up making out with a movie star in her pool. I call that a win."

While everyone in the bullpen was laughing, you found yourself distanced from the conversation, definitely not thrilled about the idea of re-living the case you'd just worked. And you loved Garcia as much as the next person, but this was one of those times you wished she wasn't so adamantly curious about everyone's personal lives.

"Look, it's not even a big deal, okay, people... kiss each other in pools all the time," Reid got out quickly, also not very thrilled about this conversation. "I mean, you've all done it, right?"

Garcia, Morgan, Elle, and JJ all recounted quickly a few times they'd experienced it, and you were hoping desperately that they wouldn't ask you, since you'd stayed quiet pretty much the whole time, immersing yourself in paperwork (or so you made them believe; you were really just trying not to think about how sad this whole situation made you).

But, of course, it was not your week.

"What about you, Y/N?" Garcia asked. You looked up to see all of your friends looking at you expectantly, and you felt like you could have cried right then and there.

"O—oh, um... I haven't... done that before."

You wanted to smack the smile off Morgan's face when he said, "Oh, so you're telling me Pretty Boy's got Pretty Girl beat in something for once?"

"That's... That's not true, he beats me at everything," you countered, already feeling your face get warm. "Look, it isn't a big deal. It's just not something I've ever done before, and there's nothing wrong with that."

"Never said there was... Why are you getting so defensive?"

The teasing tone in his voice made everything worse, especially since he knew about your huge crush on Reid. He was the first one to point it out, and you swore him to secrecy. And now, he was threatening to expose you, and you wanted to tackle him, even though you were positive you wouldn't get very far.

"I'm not defensive! I just... I haven't kissed anyone in a pool before, and Reid's right, you guys are acting like it's a big deal when it isn't, that's all."

"Well, how come?" Morgan pressed.

"How come it's not a big deal?"

"No, how come you haven't done it?"

That settled it. You were going to deck him in the face the first chance you got.

"Because... I... I can't swim."

You'd said it so quietly, completely embarrassed over the fact, but everyone still was able to hear you.

"You can't?" Elle asked, obviously amused.

"No," you stated firmly, crossing your arms and huffing, a strand of your hair blowing away from your face as you did so. "Before you ask why, I just always had other things to do growing up, and I never bothered to learn. And there's nothing wrong with that either, by the way."

You refused to look at your friends as they took in all this information about you, and by this point you couldn't wait to go home. In fact, you were thinking about leaving right now, to save yourself from further embarrassment.

But then, of freaking course, Derek Morgan had to say something.

"Hey, maybe Reid could teach you how."

The second you were alone with him, he was dead meat.

Your face was even warmer now, and you wanted nothing more than to hide, maybe under the desk, though perhaps a hole in the ground in the middle of nowhere sounded more satisfying. Hell, anything sounded more satisfying than being here right now.

"Ha-ha," you laughed instead, trying to play it off like a joke-suggestion. "I'm sure Reid has better things to do with his time than teaching a woman in her twenties how to swim."

"Are you kidding me, Reid never has anything better to do with his time," Morgan countered, earning a few chuckles from the room.

You rolled your eyes and started to gather your things. You were going to decline and say goodnight, but before you could someone spoke up.

"I—if it's something you really wanted to learn, I could... I wouldn't mind teaching you the basics... or something."

As much as you didn't want to look at Reid in that moment, you did it anyway, because you had to make sure he was being serious. To make sure you'd heard that right.

"What?" you asked quietly.

"Well... You are always saying how we should hang out more. Maybe... it would be a good idea?"

You had said that. But that was before. You know, when you were starting to grow your confidence around him. When you were finally starting to grow the guts to ask him out on a date. Before he started kissing movie stars in pools...

Now all that confidence had been shattered, and you felt smaller than you'd ever been, embarrassed and incredibly babied at your inability to fucking swim.

All of this should have nudged you to say, "no". It should have saved you from making any rash decisions, but...

The way Reid was looking at you, so genuine in that kind way of his, you could have sworn he was begging you to say, "yes".

Or maybe that was your crush talking.

Whatever the case, it was that stupid crush that pushed all reason out of your brain and made you agree.

"O—okay.  Why not?"

Your friends clapped, Reid smiled at you, and you could practically feel Morgan's burning Gotcha! look all the way from the other side of the room.

What were you getting yourself into?

***

You almost thought about bailing. There was no way you were going to survive this! Not only was it embarrassing enough that you couldn't swim, but now the guy you have the biggest crush on was going to teach you how? You were going to have to see him, wet, and he was going to have to see you in a swimsuit, and he was probably going to touch you, too.

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck—

You were about to call Reid and tell him you weren't feeling well, but just as you got out your phone, he showed up in front of you, walking into the pool room at the hotel you were staying at for the weekend. Neither of you had a pool, and to avoid further embarrassment on your part, he offered to rent a room for the weekend so you could use the pool when no one else would be there. In theory it was a good idea, but in actuality it was an awful idea, because now not only did you have to take swimming lessons from your crush, but you were sharing a room with him for the weekend as well.

It was your worst nightmare.

"Hey! I—I got here a little earlier than planned, so I wasn't gonna wait here that long, and I... Never mind. I'm sorry. Hello." Great, now I'm rambling... Good start, Y/N...

Reid laughed a little, setting down a bag. "Hi, Y/N. Are you still sure you want to do this? I know... I kind of pushed it on you last minute, and—"

"No! I'm... It's probably something I should learn at some point anyway... Better get it done now while I can, right?"

"Yeah, I suppose you're right. So, uh... You want to get started?"

You turned to the pool, gesturing with your arms. "Lead the way, Genius."

He laughed a little and made his way to the water, and you took a deep breath as you followed behind, hoping you wouldn't make a bigger fool of yourself than you already had.

Reminding yourself to breathe and stay cool, you reluctantly and very slowly made your way into the water, staying close to the edges even though you were tall enough to stand with the water sitting safely at your chest. You'd been in pools before, but always just like this, at the edge. Your friends growing up were always supportive in your decision not to do anything more, even though they'd offered multiple times to teach you, but the truth was that you were quite afraid of being in deep water.

You were never going to tell them that, though. You weren't even sure you wanted to tell Spencer. But you supposed that if he was really going to teach you how to swim, you'd have to come clean.

Just... Not right now.

"Hmm... Okay, so I'm thinking for now I should teach you how to float."

Shit.

"Um... O—kay..."

He could tell you were nervous, it was obvious by the sympathetic way he looked at you and tilted his head. "I know it's probably intimidating because you don't know how to swim, but floating is actually pretty easy."

He then proceeded to lean back and float on his back. His head was tilted so he could still look at you, and he looked serene. Calm. And supportive, as he said, "There's nothing to it, all you have to do is lean back and just let your body relax. It might feel like you're starting to sink a little, but you won't."

"WhywouldyoutellmethatohmyGod," you squeaked, leaning out and holding very tightly to the edge of the pool. The panic you outwardly exuded was just about the most embarrassing thing you could have done, and it only made you feel worse, shutting your eyes tightly and regretting every life choice youd ever made.

Reid was suddenly beside you, laying a gentle hand on your shoulder, and you jumped, making him retreat. "Y/N, hey. Look at me."

You didn't want to. God, you wanted to do anything else. You would have rather floated in the water.

But you did it anyway, refusing to make things worse.

His face was just as soft as his touch, and even though you had nothing to worry about, you felt like you were going to cry.

"Are you... afraid of the water?" It wasn't mean or mocking. It was a genuine, concerned observation, and that somehow made it even worse.

"Y—yes," you choked out, feeling your throat start to tighten.

"Why did you agree to do this, then? I... I'm still more than happy to help you, but if you're afraid, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. I won't make you..."

"I know that, I just... You were practically begging to teach me how to swim, and I didn't want to make you sad," you joked hoping it would lighten the mood and keep you from actually shedding any tears.

Thankfully he laughed, and it made you laugh right along with him, some of your troubles easing and the tightness in your throat letting up just a little. The two of you were silent for a few beats before you reached out with one hand and grabbed his, taking a deep breath and nodding.

"Okay. I'm ready to let you teach me how to float. I promise I won't... freak out this time."

He looked down at your hand on his for a second, something changing in his eyes before he looked back up. "Are you sure?"

No. "Yes."

"Okay... Do you... want to stay here by the edge?"

You scoffed. "Where else would we go?"

"Um... Never mind, we'll stay here. Just um... Come here?"

You laughed a little at the fact that he didn't get that you were joking, and then let go of the ledge with your other hand, pulling yourself towards him and letting him get closer. His hands gently held onto your arms as your feet planted themselves on the pool floor. The proximity was surprisingly calming, considering your outburst just a minute earlier, and you were thankful for that.

Despite all the mess, things weren't nearly as bad as you'd imagined they'd be.

"Okay," Spencer said, nodding slightly. "I'm going to float first. I want you to keep your hands pressed up under my back, okay?"

"But... don't you already know how to float? What do you need me for?"

"I'm demonstrating how light your body weight is while you're in water. See, when I go back like this..."

That was your cue. He leaned back just like he had before, and your hands moved, laying your palms out to lay under his back as instructed. You instantly understood what he meant, because he started to sink a little, and when you lifted him up, it was like he weighed nothing.

"So, even if you do start to sink, I'll be right there to keep you steady. You'll be just fine," he reassured, standing up again. You removed your hands and smiled at him, already feeling better about this.

"Okay. How do I... Go back? Do I just..."

"Oh, uh... Here," he offered, reaching out his arms. You walked into them, and instantly felt your heartbeat pick up when he wrapped them around you, the two of you closer than you'd ever been.

"I'm going to lay you on your back, okay? I've got you."

You nodded, unable to form any words. And when he leaned your body back into the water, you were suddenly aware of all he could see.

Warmth flooded through you as you looked up at him, his hands planting themselves firmly under your back. Your bare back. One of them was pressed against the tie on your upper back, and immediately your mind went there, imagining his fingers deftly untying the knot and letting your bathing top come undone. Your heart raced faster and faster, and it was becoming harder to relax.

"Y/N, it's okay," Spencer said, snapping you out of it. "I'm right here. I'm not going to let you go, okay?"

"Okay," you whispered. "I trust you."

"I'm gonna start letting you go, okay? Just relax your muscles, take nice, calm breaths, and let everything go. Just... float."

His words were soft and whispered, so light it was like in a past life they were dandelion seeds floating in the wind on a warm summer day. You closed your eyes and focused on that image, the white fluff floating in a field, and your body started to relax.

"That's it," you barely heard Spencer's voice as you drifted off. Everything was light, airy, and... non-existent.

You weren't sure how long you stayed like that, but eventually you realized that there was nothing holding you up anymore. Nothing was there to ground you, to keep you steady.

Your heart leapt out of your chest, and you gasped, flailing and you felt your face start to go under as a result. "No!" you screamed, suddenly panicked.

Almost as quickly as the panic set in, Spencer's arms were wrapped around you again, pulling you from under the water and into his body. Your arms instantly clung to his neck, trying to pull yourself up and away from the water, where it couldn't drown you.

"Y/N, hey, I've got you. It's okay, I'm right here. You're okay..."

"I'm done," you breathed, trying to calm yourself. "Can we be done?"

"Yes, we can be done," he said back softly, using one of his hands to stroke the wet hair from your face.

Despite your urgency to be done, however, you stayed like that, wrapped up in him for what felt like forever. His hand continued stroking your hair and his lips continued to whisper sweet words of encouragement and praise. Gradually your breathing slowed to a steady pace, and you almost forgot where you were again. At least until he spoke up.

"Are you okay?"

You lifted your head back to look into his eyes, managing to get out a quick, "Uh huh," even as your breath caught in your throat. The way he was looking at you with such concern and sweetness sent a course of butterflies through your stomach. They migrated out towards your chest, accompanying your heartbeat in a quick, thundering pace that only seemed to get faster when his hand grazed your cheek.

Against your better judgement, your eyes fluttered closed, and you savored the feeling of his hands on you. The one brushed down your cheek and over your neck and collarbone, while the other found purchase against your lower back, his thumb rubbing comforting circles just above the hemline of your swim bottoms.

You felt his forehead touch yours and audibly gasped, clinging tighter to his neck and refusing to open your eyes.

"I've got you," he said so softly you weren't even sure you heard it at all. "I've always got you. Can you plant your feet down?"

You were still close enough to the edge of the pool that you knew you could, but in all honesty you'd forgotten you were even there. The sheer panic that came with floating on your own made you feel like you were in the middle of the ocean, and if he hadn't told you otherwise, you would have believed it to be true.

"I can," you answered truthfully. "But I don't want to."

With your foreheads pressed together still, you opened your eyes to find him staring at you, and it was sheer sparkling amusement you found swimming in his gaze as he spoke.

"Then don't."

You weren't sure who moved first. The next thing you knew, your lips were pressed together, and it was all you could take not to simply absorb into him. Which... of course, you practically did anyway. Because of the water, he lifted you to him with ease, giving you a better angle to cling to him since you'd done it so frantically before.

Your lips moved together without a care in the world, the two of you taking your time to just feel the moment. The tender, caring way in which he reciprocated and explored your kiss was almost as butterfly-inducing as all the simple looks he'd thrown your way and the gentle tone he always took with you.

It was almost as if he liked you back.

The thought made you pull away, breathless and dizzy, and the sheer look of contentment, followed by immense panic that set on Spencer's face brought you back to real life.

"I'm sorry," he rushed. "I... Y/N, I..."

Knowing you were already in too deep, you stopped him. "I like you."

He was silent. Frozen. And then, simply, "What?"

You sighed. "I... I like you. I have a crush on you. And I've had a crush on you pretty much from the moment we met. And I... I was trying to find the courage to tell you, and then the thing with Lila Archer happened and I wasn't even... like, she's so pretty, and she can swim, obviously, and I just felt like a total loser after that case, and so when you said you—"

Your words were cut off when he kissed you again, and you'd never been so surprised. Well, save for the panic you felt while floating in the water on your own just a few minutes ago, you supposed...

Though you were inclined to say this surprise was much better.

He pulled away after a few seconds, searching your eyes. "I like you, too," he said quietly.

"Y—You do?"

"Well, of course I do. You're... You're smart, and you're beautiful, a—and you're really good at swimming..."

You laughed. Hard. And Spencer laughed right along with you, until the two of you were just there, smiling at each other. And eventually, you ended up kissing each other again, just as you had before.

Only this time, your kisses got deeper. With every second, the two of you became more hungry, the low and soft moans coming from the bass of your throat urging him to become bolder.

Rather than holding you up by your back, he lowered his hands, gently over your butt and hooking under your thighs as your legs clung around his waist. Your arms still stayed around his neck, only now your fingers weaved through the hair at the nape of it, and when you tugged a little, he moaned into your mouth.

You didn't know how you got there, but all of a sudden, your back was pressed up against the edge of the pool, and you used that leverage to let go of his neck and let your hands roam freely, over his arms and down his chest.

But eventually the two of you had to come up for air, so you broke apart reluctantly, both panting and smiling like fools.

"So, is, uh... is this a hobby of yours?" you asked. "Making out with girls in pools?"

Spencer laughed, pressing his forehead to yours. "Only recently, but... I think this time is the only one that really counts."

He nuzzled his nose against yours and you laughed, feeling completely warm all over and suddenly thankful for not being able to swim.

***NSFW ENDING BELOW***

Now it was just... weird. Maybe that wasn't the right word, but it definitely was a weird feeling.

You'd both showered separately, barely saying a word to each other in between that wasn't awkward mumbling... And now you were sleeping in separate beds, faced away from each other, and you were pretty sure that neither of you were actually awake.

It had been like that for hours.

You weren't positive of how he was feeling right now, but you were still on fire. His kisses had burned you in a way that still lingered, even after taking a warm shower to clean the chlorine from your body, and a small cold shower to refresh you and quell the heat you were feeling that was no doubt a product of him.

Because nothing ever seemed to work out in your favor, it obviously hadn't worked.

So there you were, trying and failing to sleep, hyperaware of Spencer sleeping(?) in the bed next to yours, pressing your fingers to your lips and hoping you could recover from this.

You... liked each other, though... You'd both admitted it, mutually agreed that the feelings were there on both sides, and you happily kissed one another. A lot.

So why was this feeling so weird? Why was everything awkward? Maybe it was just a byproduct of your awkwardness and his combining, rather than cancelling each other out and creating a perfect match. Maybe it wouldn't last, because you'd always heard that opposites attracted, and as far as you could tell, you and Spencer Reid were anything but opposite.

The thought made you curl into a ball, all the awkwardness you were feeling suddenly dissolving into a sorrow and worry that had never nagged you like this before. The burning your body had felt before seemed to cool, leaving you numb and hollow.

But then, a beam of light through the clouds.

"Y/N?"

"Y—yeah?" you said back, matching his near-whisper.

"I know we have our own beds, but... I... I was wondering i—if maybe you'd want... to sleep in mine? With me?"

Maybe it was pathetic and desperate, but you didn't answer. You got up from your bed—practically leapt— and met him in a few strides, getting in under the covers and laying down, facing him in the dark your eyes had adjusted to.

He was smiling, half triumphant and half amused at your eagerness. "Can't sleep either?"

"No," you said quietly, still searching what little of his eyes you could see. "I... Truthfully, I think I just missed being close to you."

"Me, too," he whispered, scooting closer.

His hands were tentative in touching you, but you gently gripped his wrist and guided it to your waist, where it firmly rested and brought warmth back into your veins. Even through the fabric of your tee shirt, his touch burned hot, and it was everything you needed.

But it wasn't everything you got.

He leaned forward and kissed your forehead, and it burned just as hotly. It made you scoot even closer, until your chests were practically flush and your arms rested firmly around his neck again, making him smile. You felt it against your forehead, and that alone was enough to fully bring you back to life.

You wanted more. Just being close to him wasn't enough anymore. So you stretched a little and found your way to his neck, pressing soft kisses under his jaw. The grip on your waist tightened a little, and it urged you forward, strengthening your kisses and even encouraging you to get in a few licks and bites.

He stuttered your name, and you pulled back, looking at his face. But before you could say anything, he leaned forward and captured your lips in a kiss that could only be described as pure desperation. You sighed against him and purely relented as he pulled you closer. Instinctively your leg lifted and wrapped around his, the tangle of limbs and lips becoming second nature in no time.

Before, when you were kissing in the pool, you were careful to avoid the teeth accidentally clanking together or the accidental tongue slip, afraid of ruining the sweet moment you were sharing, but all caution was thrown to the wind this time. You were both so desperate to be near one another that you welcomed every imperfection. In fact, it's like they weren't even imperfections at all.

At one point, you all but grinded your lower half into him, warmth flooding there, now, too.

And it seemed he was feeling the same...

You could tell he wanted to pull back, to explain himself, but you didn't care. You wanted it just as badly, so you did the only thing that felt natural and shifted, straddling his waist and deepening your kiss.

In no time, he gathered your hair in his hands, sweeping it away from your face and tucking it behind your ear as you slowly moved your hips. The groan he let slip was just about the most delicious sound you'd ever heard, the grandest thing you'd ever felt, and you wanted to hear it again, over and over until your last breath.

And then you felt him grow harder underneath you, and the mere implications of that sent you into a tailspin.

"Y/N," Spencer said softly, and you paused, leaning back a little and combing through his hair with your fingers. It was still damp from the shower.

"Do... Do you not want to?" you asked sweetly. "We don't... we don't have to tonight. O—or at all, if you don't want to."

"Oh, no I do, it's... just that I didn't know if you wanted to. And I don't... have a whole lot of experience with sex, a—and I didn't want to... I don't know, be bad."

With a small laugh, you leaned down and kissed his cheek. "I'm with you, Spencer Reid. Nothing could ever be bad."

"You're just saying that," he said, though you could hear the smile in his voice.

"I mean it. You make me feel safe, and I... I trust you."

He kissed you then, gently one second and then hungrily the next, and it was all too much to bear. So you grabbed his face and kissed him back, as hard as you could, and he matched your energy by lightly bucking his hips up towards you. The feeling sent a shockwave through you, and even elicited a whine from the back of your throat.

The two of you kept at that for a good five minutes or so before you decided it was, again, all too much. You pulled away from him and sat up, still straddling his hips. And while looking down at him, seeing him breathe as steadily as he could, you brought your hands to the hem of your shirt and slowly yanked it over your head, revealing yourself to him and welcoming the warmth that bloomed through you at his reaction.

His eyes widened and his breathing faltered, and even though it was dim, you could have sworn you'd seen a pink tint paint his cheeks.

"Touch me," you whispered suddenly, the urgency surprising even yourself. Without hesitation, Spencer reached out as far as he could and gripped your bare waist. His thumbs swiped gently up the front of your stomach, and then you leaned down a bit, giving him full access.

The second his hands brushed over your bare chest, you sighed out, small pricks of pleasure beaming through your whole body. Your hands reached down to anchor yourself, landing on his chest and gripping his shirt. He kneaded your breasts first, feeling them out and getting used to how they weighed in his hands, and then he slid them over, brushing the pads of his thumbs over your nipples.

You leaned down and kissed him then, gripping his shirt and lifting it until he understood what you were trying to do.

Both of your clothes came off one by one, and by the time you were both fully naked, time seemed to slow. You both marveled at each other, pressed soft kisses to each inch of bare skin, and inevitably prepared for what you both wanted most.

He slipped on a condom, fumbling an explanation of how Morgan gave it to him after the case in LA, and you laughed, promising to give him a piece of your mind later.

And then, you wrapped yourself around him once more. Only, rather than in the pool, he was sitting up in the bed, leaning against the headboard while your arms rested on his shoulders and your legs clung to his waist.

You sunk onto him slowly, gasping out at how full he made you feel. Every millimeter deeper was slowly splitting you from the inside out, and it was... God, it was everything. Especially as he wrapped his arms around your back, making those comforting circles with his thumbs again, and whispering, "I've got you," over and over again.

By the time he was as deep inside you as he could be, you were breathing into his neck, kissing him there and trying to catch your breath. It had been so long since the last time you'd done this, and now that it was happening, and with Spencer of all people, you were overwhelmed in the best way possible.

Once you were ready, you started moving, slowly lifting your hips and bringing them back down. Until, eventually, you found a slow, searing rhythm that had you panting against his skin.

A low groan left his throat when you clenched around him, and it spurred you on. With another tight squeeze, you quickened your pace just a little, and everything was starting to build.

"Y/N... Y/N, fuck..."

His words were few and far between, but they were laced with just the right amount of wonderment and desire, sending another swarm of butterflies all throughout your entire body.

"Say it again," you breathed desperately in his ear, gripping his shoulders as you clenched around him again. "Say my name, please..."

And he did. It was the sweetest thing you'd ever heard, better than your favorite song, and the only thing you wanted to hear for the rest of your life. He said it again and again, thrown into a mix of expletives and little whimpers that all meshed together to form your new favorite song.

You reciprocated, whimpering out his name when his hips lifted in time with yours, hitting something deeper within you that sent you flying into your own world.

"Kiss me," he pleaded, his hands pressing so firmly into your back you thought they'd leave handprints.

It was a plea you wouldn't deny even if you were able. You kissed him deeply, gladly welcoming the soft push of his tongue against yours and the little sounds he offered. You returned each and every one of them as your body knotted, that imminent feeling of tension starting to rise within every part of you.

He must have felt it, too, because one of his hands reached over and slid in between your bodies, looking for and then finding your clit. His middle finger made easy circles that brought you closer and closer until you snapped, tightening around him—your arms and your legs included.

You cried out against his mouth, and he breathed a final, "I've got you, baby," that shattered your world as you shattered around him. He fell closely behind, and you relished the feeling of him tensing and twitching inside of you.

As your heartbeats slowed, and your breathing right along with it, you slumped against him, your foreheads resting gently against one another. He kissed you sweetly, and you returned it, feeling yourself become more at ease the longer you stayed there.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly, still catching his breath. "Can you move?"

Recalling the moment in the pool earlier, you laughed a little, nudging his nose with yours and promptly answering, "I can. But I don't want to."

With a smile, Spencer hugged you closer and let you rest your head in the crook of his neck.

"Then don't."

TAGLIST:  @elldell1204 @muffin-cup @calm-and-doctor @slutforthegubes @takeyourleap-of-faith (I’m sorry I keep forgetting to add the taglist to all my stuff, I’m still kinda new at this lol. That being said, if you’d like to be added, shoot me a message or comment here and I’ll add you 😂❤)

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: June 6th, 2021

I’m back with more ask responses! You can also check our Frequently Asked Question sheet if there’s something you’re wondering that’s not answered here.

FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

Thank you for the patience with these questions  ♡

Hey in very beginning of step 3 in the scene where Mr.Holden had a thought dancing on the tip of his tongue but he kept it to himself after MC and Cove were being cute (idk if it makes a difference but this is when they're dating)... Can we know what he was thinking/ wanted to say? It's been bugging me lol 

He would’ve gone into a “look how much you’ve grown”, “your dad is so proud of you”, “I’m so glad things worked out with the MC”, and etc spiel, haha. But he resisted the urge to fawn on his baby boy, at least for that scene.

If we planned to move away for college/future plans in step 3, is it implied that MC and Cove would have a long distance relationship for sure? Could MC have convinced Cove to come with them? How is the dynamic of their relationship going to be addressed in Step 4, if that makes sense? 

Cove is willing to follow the MC where they went after everything is settled for them there, and if they’re sure they want him to come! You’ll get to decide how things shook out during those transitional years just by making choices about it during the opening prologue of Step 4.

Hi! First off, how does it feel to have created one of the best games when it comes to inclusion for lbtq+ peeps? I've never felt as validated with my identity and sexuality when playing a game and I'm seemingly not alone ♥ Second, and this might be a little too specific, but what kinds of drinks does Cove like as well as dislike? Thank you, you're the best ♥

Thank you for very much! It’s really nice to hear the game felt inclusive. Cove likes regular water and fruit juices/smoothies most! He dislikes coffee and cola, and he’s not super into most teas either.

Hi, may i ask what gb patch stands for? Specifically the gb part lol

It stands for my old, silly username I used in places like Neopets as a kid, aha. The company name wasn’t super thought out since it was originally just me making VNs as a hobby. Luckily, “GB Patch” kind of seems like it could mean something reasonable, so I didn’t have to rebrand when it did become a more serious, commercial group.

If we chose to not propose to cove in the step 3 dlc would he propose or would the mc propose in step 4 or the wedding dlc? 

Yeah, you or Cove can propose in Step 4 if you’re not already engaged! The Wedding DLC takes place after the engagement so the proposal scenes aren’t there.

will you guys announce if the early access for the new game is out on patreon ? 

When beta builds of Step 4 or whatever start coming out on the Patreon we will mention it here on social media too.

Heyy I just had a quick question about Baxter if that’s okay :)?

I saw in an ask+answer that it’s possible to casually date Baxter In step 3, but what leads up to that? I have the step 3 dlc and I’ve tried playing them In a different orders and ways but it doesn’t seem to get anywhere ^^;

The Step 3 DLC is Cove-based because he’s the default guy. There’s a separate Baxter romance DLC that’s not out yet. That’s where you can get him to date you. I’m sorry for the confusion!

Will we ever get any LI's or side characters with physical disabilities or deformities? I think your games would be a great place to have them in since they're always so accepting and safe! 

Yeah, we do hope to have representation for that in future projects ^^. Thank you for the confidence in us.

Is it possible to get Cove to take the bed and MC to sleep on the floor? 

Not in Step 3, I’m afraid.

So, I have played the prologue of Our Life countless times and I haven't gotten the [Your Life] achievement, why is that? 

Steam sometimes isn’t connected properly when an achievement unlocks and so it remains locked on your account. If that happens, unfortunately getting the scene again won’t unlock it. The achievement becomes inaccessible because the game thinks you already have it. Playing with the same Steam account on a different device or fully deleting your game data (more than the only the save files) are the only work arounds we’ve found.

Since when you talk with Jeremy in step 3 it's mentioned he goes on dates with someone (which assume is JB because who else would take this boy on dates) that makes him happy, does that sort of make JB and Jeremy the canon relationship in the first game?

The default for XOXO Droplets is that JB casually goes on dates with each of the jerks! Shiloh would’ve been harsher if Jeremy was the only guy getting her attention, haha. But the player can change that default by dating just one person the whole game for their own story and who she ends up with for real has no default.

Hi, hello! Huge OL fan, thank you so much for the wholesome content, it was very much needed during these times. Managed to get several people to join team Cove, so that's very exciting, I always have people to fawn over him with. I have a little question and I'm sorry if it was asked before, but does it ever come up in the game what Cove has told his mom about us? (who knows, with so many options, one can miss it) Or, alternatively, will it come up in the Step 4 DLC? 

Thank you very much for sharing the game with people <3. It’s really great to hear people are liking it. Right now that doesn’t come up in game. Kyra is willing to keep her mouth shut and Cove isn’t gonna have that conversation either. At least not when he’s younger, but yes, perhaps when he’s a fully grown big boy in Step 4 you can ask him about it.

I’ve been thinking about this ever since it has been confirmed that there would be two love interests for OL2, would there be the possibility of forming a polyamorous relationship with both love interests? I’m sorry if you answered this previously, I’m just curious. 

We are considering it, but it’s not a guarantee yet. It’d be really great to have but it’d add so many extra alterations that’d need to made, aha.

Hello! You mentioned how Cove would be uncomfortable with kids at 23, but how old would he be when he’s comfortable with having/adopting kids? (Same goes for the other LI’s.) btw, love your game!! 

He’d want to be at least 25, but even older would be good. Derek would want to have kids when he and his partner could reasonably support them, the age itself wouldn’t matter. If they were doing good at 22 and wanted kids, he’d be up for it. Or they could wait until their 30s or whatever. Baxter is also more of a “when it feels right” guy rather than having a specific age requirement. Cove is just especially wary of being a young parent because of his own parents. I’m happy you like the game!

does step 4 immediately play after you press "end summer" in step 3? or is there another button/transition (like the story text thingy) before the epilogue begins? what happens after the epilogue? roll credits? 😂 

Step 4 will have transition section always and there will be an extra button, if you own the Derek or Baxter DLC. By default the Cove-based version of Step 4 just plays once Step 3 is over. However, having the other guys’ storylines will mean you get to pick which version of Step 4 plays; Cove Step 4 (the basic one), Derek Step 4, or Baxter Step 4.

Happy pride, thank you for all you do for us🥰

I have a quick question though, I recently got a MacBook after my old windows computer broke, and now steam says I cannot download it, but it has no issues with other games, what can I do to download it?? I’m sorry if my English is bad

Happy pride month! Unfortunately, Our Life isn’t available for Mac on Steam right now. To be an approval application Apple requires having special notarization and we as a small group haven’t gotten that. Itch doesn’t care and lets us release the game for Mac there anyway, Steam does care so we’re locked out of putting the Mac build up on their storefront. Feel free to email us and we can try to help the situation out further!

support@gbpatchgames.com

Hello! I was jus wondering if the Baxter and Derek DLCs are still happening? I haven’t heard anything about them on here or patreon in a while so I just wanted to make sure ^^

They’re still coming and we just released a new sprite sketch on the Patreon for the Derek DLC c:. But right now Step 4 is still much more of a priority. Once that’s closer to being done we’ll focus way more on sharing previews for the other guys.

is it possible to tell cove you love him (platonically) at step 3 fondness/selecting him as basically family? i just love the mc and liz sibling interactions and it got me wondering about it (especially if you've selected that option)

You and Cove can be as close as family, but there’s not a specific scene in Step 3 where you say “I love you” in a family context. But there’s always Step 4~

do you intend on ever adding a collectors mode to Our Life? Like a way to collect achievements and CGs for the gallery without it effecting any save files? 

We weren’t considering it before. But if a lot of players would find that helpful, we could start thinking on that!

Sorry if it's a silly question haha, but (in crush/love) is Cove really aware of how cute and cuddly he seems to MC? If so, what does he think or do about it? Or does he just ignore it? 

He isn’t particular aware. Cove never truly stops being surprised that the MC is interested in/attracted to him, haha.

Would you say that the alone ending of xoxo droplets is worth playing again to get? 

Nope, haha. The goal is to make friends/get a boyfriend and so the alone ending is kind of the bad ending for the game. Though there is a consolation prize if you get it by accident.

Is there any possible situation which would ever prompt Pran to bake for his girlfriend? Like I know it's unlikely I mean even if JB broke her leg somehow I'm pretty sure he'd still be like "I considered baking you a cake and doing the frosting the way I think looks interesting but you don't deserve a cake, no one does." right but also ahhh it would be super nice if some day he just surprised her with baked goods one day out of nowhere. JB would be so shocked it would be cute. So is there any possible situation where that could/would be a thing that he would do? 

He might bake out of spite, like if he felt he had to prove her wrong on something. Or if JB used some good reverse psychology on him. Or he might do it in a relatively nice way if he could make his GF so shocked by the kind gesture that his amusement with that overrode his insistence on not being sweet. Pran is very difficult in high school, aha.

Is the "one route (where) it can be seen that Everett will drop his seemingly eternal waging with Jeremy pretty easily and can start getting along without thinking much on it" the Lucas route? I'm curious! 

Yep! Everett will side with Jeremy if it’s between him and Lucas.

Hi I hope you guys are having a great day :) I just had to ask how Cliff would feel about Cove's partner/fiancé Mc calling them dad whether it be accidental or otherwise and secondly I also wanted to ask how he would feel about being asked to be the one to give the mc away at their wedding. 

He would be very touched and excited! I hope you have a good day too :D

Hello! I saw an ask relating to whether Cliff "moves on" after Cove's grown up and stuff (and he stays single), but what about Kyra? Will she be with anyone else or will she stay single? 

She does start dating again, but she takes it slow.

Hi! I absolutely love the art for characters in OL and I wonder is this fine to draw my MC in same drawing style and upload online later? Is this something artists would be okay with? Thank you! 

Yeah, you can certainly do that C:

Hey there!

I wonder if I'm just being stupid here.. Is Step 4 a DLC? And if so, where can I find it? I can't seem to find it on Steam :< Thank you!

Step 4 is a free epilogue! It’s not done yet, but once it is finished you’ll just update your game file and Step 4 will be there after Step 3 ends.

hi! are step 4 and the wedding dlc two different things?

They are. Step 4 is a free epilogue that’ll be a default part of the game once it’s done, the wedding DLC is an optional paid expansion that takes place after Step 4.

Why did Baxter not receive a step 2 sprite seeing how he shows up later

Sprites are time consuming to draw and take money out of the budget that could’ve gone to other things. His tiny appearance in Step 2 wasn’t worth all the effort to make a sprite, aha.

I just realized, what happens if if you get the patreon exclusive moment but at a later date, when you don't have the membership anymore, it's updated (like a bugs fix update for example)? Would you have to get the membership again? 

You would have to get the membership again to redownload the build. But there’s very little chance there’s going to be an update once it’s been out for over a month. If a build gets released with errors, players catch/report them within the first few days. So by the time the first subscription period ends, any problems that were noticeable would already have been fixed. And we’re certainly not gonna be adding new content to it once it’s been released for a long time. There’s no need to worry about missing out on something worthwhile in the future if you cancel your membership. It’s being made with the idea in mind that many players are gonna be getting it and then going.

Hello! Wanted to ask about gaming choice in step 3? Once upon a playthorugh I got the option to buy Cove a bracelet for his graduation present. I played the same basic character again and that option wasn't there anymore. I'm not sure where I went wrong. My Cove wears a bracelet on each hand and my MC is into fashion and jewelry. Do I need to put an earring on him or? Sorry, love your game so much. 

He also needs to have liked bracelets in Step 2 for that to be considered a good gift option for him. Sorry for the confusion! I’m happy you love the game :)

Is Step 4 being released at the same time as the Wedding DLC or will the first come before the latter? Thank you! 

I’m not sure. Ideally they’ll come out at the same time, but the wedding DLC has a lot of art to get done and we may have to release it after Step 4.

Can mc still get confession from Cove at the end of step 3 even if mc casually dates Baxter in step 3? Such as in crush mode? 

I don’t think so. Maybe that’ll change, but generally there’s differences to the Step 3 ending if you were dating Baxter and those differences likely will conflict with getting the Cove confession.

For the patreon moments/dlcs, will it be available for all tiers? 

It’ll be available for tier 2 (Fans) and up!

[jjpmoans]

thank you, love

→ characters : jaemin na x reader

→ word counts : 1.5k

→ warnings : angst, really not recommended if you're on happy mood

→ summary : based on the song Secret Love Song by Little Mix. Listen to it when you read this! Basically y/n, she's tired of it.

You stare blankly into space, feeling the warmth escaping your body as seconds go by. The heat of the night seems no longer hot. Instead it is replaced by the coldness, the degree of coldness that you never knew your heart could reach ever since he came into your life.

Your heart was warm, once upon a time. She was warm, loved and happy. She was everything you could ever ask for, beating for that one particular name, one particular man that has made his way into your heart and built a home there, warming the space. She, who has loved unconditionally, was loved by the man you called your life partner, or so you thought.

The sound of key chiming tells you that he’s home.

He’s back at what you call home.

But you don’t know anymore if this space is considered home. It has lost its warmth. All this space has is two soulless humans arriving and leaving the space at odd hours, greetings forgotten and laughter faded into the air. This space is no longer warm, no longer a place you call home.

Home is supposed to be lively. It is supposed to be filled with warmth, laughter and cry regardless of occasion, it is supposed to be filled with love. However what’s left is the memories, the memories of two people being in love, plastered on every corner of the house. You laugh inwardly, you suppose not even his shadow has managed to leave a trace for more than two seconds on those frames. Every picture looks cold despite the smile of the people inside them.

The door opens and if you haven’t been sure before, now you are definitely sure that things have changed. Your heart used to make somersault when you heard the keys jiggles from outside and your stomach used to churn to the thought of the man on the other side of the door. But now even as he stood in front of you, your eyes bore through him blankly.

They have left.

The love you had for him.

They left.

“What are you doing?” there he sat, looking extremely tired. Your heart wrench at the sight of him, knowing that he must have gone through a hard time, practicing and all. However you can no longer stand this.

“Let’s break up, Jaemin.”

It takes him about three seconds to process the words coming from you as you see his eyes widens gradually, hurt evident in his eyes. His shoulder slumps, though he said nothing but you were once his soulmate and though you declared that the love you had for him has left, you can feel the painful pang of his heart, mirroring yours.

It’s not easy for you either. It’s not that you didn’t want to understand.

Wait- no. You don’t want to understand anymore. You are tired of understanding and you’re tired of accepting this over and over again. He would apologize and you, because you love him and you believe he loves you so you take it, you accept his apology and you let them slip off your mind. You really want to stay but it has been eating you alive, this awful feeling.

“You- what?” he asks, seems like he refuses to believe that you had just uttered those words right to his face.

“Let’s break up, Jaemin. Let’s not torture each other anymore.” you propose through a pained voice, using every ounce of bravery because unlike Jaemin, you’re not strong. You’re not like him who thinks this can be settled through apology because unlike him, you’re not free.

You’re kept in the dark where no one knows of your existence except his members and his family. You’re kept away from the crowd even when his company is understanding about dating. He chose to keep you away, away from his fans because he simply couldn’t give up on his popularity.

Because dating you will bring him down. Because revealing you to the public will humiliate him, will cause a lot of fans to leave and will cause his downfall.

Because unlike him being your lucky charm, you’re his bad luck.

That’s what you have in your mind all the time. That’s what has been eating you alive, the insecurities and the self-guilt. The love you give him is what’s holding him back. The affection you shower him with is what’s ruining his future.

“But- why?”

You look at him longingly, wanting to capture every inch of him inside your head, etching them there so when you miss him, you can close your eyes and see him.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“What-”

“I don’t want to be kept hidden anymore.”

And just like you’ve thought, shock is written all over his face.

“Am I not important enough for you to put aside your popularity, Jaemin? Am I meant to be kept in the dark for the past three years and more? Am I- are you ashamed of me, love? Are you ashamed that I’m not an idol just like the one your members are dating?”

You look at him struggling to form words. He looks so lost that it hurts you. It hurts you to hurt him like this. It hurts you to stab him with your insecurities but it’s been too long. It’s been too long and your insecurities are growing ugly-ly inside you.

“That’s not-”

“Then why?”

“Why can’t you hold me in the street?”

“Why can’t you show me to the world?”

“I just- I wish that- why can’t we be like that? I’m yours, Jaemin.”

“I’ve been yours for so long but it seems like I’m not. You’re not proud of me. You kept me in the dark and it’s not to protect me. It’s to protect you.” tears falling endlessly on your cheeks as you let yourself crumble.

Last time. It’s for the last time.

“We’ve had this argument over and over again, Jaemin. Every time I think of it, I feel like I’m being ridiculous. And we both know this. This is hopeless. If we talk about it again, it would feel like deja vu all over again and I’ll be back in your arms when you say sorry.”

“I don’t want to do this anymore.” you are on your knees, in front of him while you watch him falling apart because just like you, his soul resonates with yours. Because no matter how it seems like it’s his fault, you know that if you can be patient, if only you’re a bit more patient than these three years will be worth it. “But I can’t do this anymore, Jaemin.”

And when his calloused hands hold your jaw for you to look at him, you feel another crack inside you that you didn’t know your heart is still able to feel even more.

Because even if you said it over and over again, this love, this feeling you have for him, is never gone.

She’s never gone.

She’s just there, she’s sitting there at the deepest corner of your heart, crying her soul out because she loves Jaemin too much but it hurts her to hurt you even more.

You feel the chapped lips against yours and wetness, his tears and yours mixed together for the last time. His calloused hands feel so soft on your jaw as he thumbs the apple of your cheek and you know, as much as this hurts him, you know he only wants the best for you.

“Do you still love me?” Jaemin speaks against your lips, forehead on yours.

“Always, Jaemin.”

He nods, closing his eyes to let another stream of tears down his cheeks. “I’ll let you go, love.”

And the next thing you know is you’re shaking. You’re shaking in his arms, crying your heart out because even if this is what you want, it doesn’t mean you’re happy with it. But you know him and you know this is beyond his control. You know that even if you want him to man up and reveal your relationship, you don’t want to ruin his future. He has a bright future ahead and maybe, you’re not destined to be a part of it.

“I’m sorry, love.” Jaemin’s hug on you tightens and you soak his shirt with your tears. “I’m sorry for keeping you away for too long. I’m sorry for not being able to give you the love you deserve.”

You wail, utterly broken. “I’m so sorry that this hurts you deeply and I can’t do anything about it.”

“Thank you, love.” he states, pressing kisses on top of your head. “Thank you for staying, holding on for so long. Thank you for making me the happiest man.”

Jaemin cups your jaw, pressing another kiss to your lips, for the very last time. “Maybe in the future where I can control my life, I’ll meet you again, love.”

“I’ll find you again and I’ll love you right.”

“Thank you for the happiest three years, love.”

Copyright © 2021 jjpmoans. All rights reserved

[nishisun]

suna rintaro is NOT a genius. (2)

part 1

summary: you loved the idea of soulmates. suna rintaro didn’t. it isn’t that hard to put two and two together to realize that maybe people with different opinions on things don’t belong together.

Summer 2021

[recording. patient: suna rintaro | session: 1]

[dr. natamoto] hello, rintaro-kun. how are you feeling this afternoon?

[suna rintaro] conflicted.

[dr. natamoto] ah. thank you for your honesty. so, what brings you here today?

[suna rintaro] team- ahem, my teammates.

[dr. natamoto] very well. (shuffles through notes) so, one of your teammates, miya-san, called me a little over a week ago and we discussed about your well-being.

[suna rintaro] ...i’m aware.

[dr. natamoto] do you have a specfic reason as to why you agreed to see a therapist?

[suna rintaro] i’ve.. been feeling down lately. I guess people noticed it, so i wanted to seek help.

[dr. natamoto] okay, (shuffles through notes) from my notes here, it seems that you’ve been feeling this way for a while. how long have you been feeling down altogether?

[suna rintaro] … a few months now. It’s gotten pretty bad these past few weeks. Alcohol has been my only escape. that’s kind of why i came.

[dr. natamoto] i see. Tell me, how often do you drink alcohol?

[suna rintaro] almost every day. i’ve been trying to reduce my alcohol intake because it affects the way i practice.

[dr. natamoto] i see. rintaro-kun, how would you describe yourself in one word?

[suna rintaro] (chuckles) irritable.

[dr natamoto] why did you pick “irritable”?

[suna rintaro] people say i’m an asshole, at least i’m aware. i know i get angry and annoyed easily, i’m not blind to my own actions.

[dr. natamoto] thank you for the explanation. so, miya-san also mentioned how you’ve been suspended from the black jackals team due to your behaviour recently.

[suna rintaro] (scoffs) if i knew that this place would make me feel shittier than i already do, i would’ve never agreed to come here.

[dr. natamoto] (chuckles) right, my apologies. (shuffles papers) so, growing up, miya-san mentioned that you lived in a destructive household? how so?

[suna rintaro] … (sighs) fuck. this is harder than i thought.

[dr. natamoto] take your time, please.

[suna rintaro] my parents didn't have the healthiest relationship with one another. my dad was an alcoholic and was abusive- still is i’m pretty sure. when he found out my mom was cheating on him he lost it i guess. (long pause) i don’t want to talk about my childhood that much.

[dr natamoto] i completely understand. last week, your father was taken into custody by the police, and you will have to speak at court, is that right?

[suna rintaro] ... yes.

[dr. natamoto] so, i’m guessing that ever since you heard the news, is when you’ve been feeling more down than usual?

[suna rintaro] yeah.

[dr. natamoto] tell me, rintaro-kun. at that specific moment, when you heard the news, what did you feel at first?

[suna rintaro] i don’t know, numb. i didn’t feel anything at first to be honest. It’s just been hard to be motivated to do things recently.

[dr. natamoto] okay, so you’ve been feeling numb, and haven’t gotten any motivation recently.

[suna rintaro] yeah.

[dr. natamoto] have you.. by any chance talked to someone about this?

[suna rintaro] (chuckles) i tried.

[dr. natamoto] and how did that go?

[suna rintaro] shitty.

[dr. natamoto] so sorry to hear that. who was this person you talked about it to?

[suna rintaro] someone really important to me, her name’s y/n—i fucked things up, again.

[dr. natamoto] how so?

[suna rintaro] she was concerend about my recent behaviour as well, i lashed out on her and said some hurtful shit that i didn't even mean. now she hates my guts, again.

[dr. natamoto] again? Explain.

[suna rintaro] i’ve known her since we were kids. our parents were childhood friends and we lived next door to each other our whole lives. we were never really close to one another, but we still talked every now and then.

[suna rintaro] i was into her in senior year of high school, though.that’s when we started getting closer. she acted like she didn’t want me but most girls act like that at first. they want you to chase after them, and i sure did even if i acted like a dick to her. it was worth it though.

[dr.natamoto] ... you must know a lot about girls.

[suna rintaro] sure do.

[suna rintaro] at her sister’s wedding a few years ago, i did some fucked up shit. She managed to give me another chance after meeting kimi and i fucked that up too. all i’ve ever done was hurt her. i keep coming back in her life and i bring her nothing but stress.

[suna rintaro] i want to be better—i really want to, but it feels like a never ending cycle. i just want to do something about it.

[dr. natamoto] well rintaro-kun, i am very glad that you’re willing to be better.

[suna rintaro] thank you. i needed that.

[dr. natamoto] anytime. now, why do you think you keep hurting her?

[suna rintaro] like i said, it’s ‘cause i’m a heartless asshole.

[dr. natamoto] what makes you think this way?

[suna rintaro] because all i do is hurt people.

[dr. natamoto] if you were heartless like you claim to be, you wouldn’t be seeking help to better yourself for you and your family. you’re far from heartless.

[suna rintaro] ... i guess you’re right.

[dr. natamoto] okay, (opens ipad) what do you see in this picture?

[suna rintaro] a baby.

[dr. natamoto] correct. now, what is the first thing you think about when you hear the word “baby”?

[suna rintaro] if i’m being honest? kimi.

[dr. natamoto] (laughs) makes sense. did you have any negative thoughts when you saw this picture?

[suna rintaro] no… not really.

[dr. natamoto] okay.. how come?

[suna rintaro] … what?

[dr. natamoto] how come you didn’t experience any negative thoughts when you viewed this picture?

[suna rintaro] … i don't know?

[dr. natamoto] so if i told you that i wanted to hurt this baby, how would that make you feel?

[suna rintaro] the hell?

[suna rintaro] concerned for you.. i guess. but why would you want to hurt a baby? Only a heartless asshole would do that.

[suna rintaro] … oh.

[dr. natamoto] exactly!

[suna rintaro] what’s the point?

[dr. natamoto] (shuffles through notes) you said “all i do is hurt people” a few minutes ago, but that isn’t the case rintaro-kun.

[suna rintaro] …

[dr. natamoto] i think that you claim to “hurt people” because you’re afraid of opening up, especially to y/n; you’re afraid to show vulnerability.

[dr. natamoto] when you said you lashed out on her when she was concerned about your behaviour. Is it maybe because you’re afraid that she’ll judge you for this?

[suna rintaro] no, she would never judge me. i know her.

[dr. natamoto] i thought you’d say that. so from everything i’ve heard, the only other reason i can think of is that you’re afraid of y/n and kimi getting attached to you, because you’re afraid that you’ll hurt her— them, again. am i correct?

[suna rintaro] ...

[suna rintaro] fuck. uh, yeah, you’re right. Shit.

[dr. natamoto] why is it that you don’t want them to get close to you?

[suna rintaro] .. they.. deserve better. i can’t give them both the happiness they deserve.

[dr. natamoto] and why exactly is that?

[suna rintaro] why is what?

[dr. natamoto] why do you think you can’t give them the happiness they deserve?

[suna rintaro] because everytime i’ve came back into y/n’s life, it was always me that screwed shit up. She’s been generous enough to forgive me everytime. i don't deserve all the chances she’s given me.

[dr. natamoto] rintaro-kun, do you want to hear my input on this situation?

[suna rintaro] well, obviously, you’re the therapist.

[dr.natamoto] here’s what i want you to do; i want you to talk to y/n, even if she “hates” you, which i’m pretty sure she doesn’t.

[suna rintaro] how do you know she doesn’t hate me?

[dr. natamoto] she wouldn’t be giving you so many chances. Don’t you think, rintaro-kun?

[dr. natamoto] i think the reason she keeps giving you chances is because she wants you to know that she’s hoping you’ll change for your good. she’s willing to stick with you through your ups and downs. and i don’t want to speak for her, but it seems like she’s in love with you.

[dr natamoto] may i ask, what exactly did you say to her the last time you’ve seen each other?

[suna rintaro] i… i told her to stop worrying about me.. and told her i wanted her out my life.

[dr. natamoto] did you mean that?

[suna rintaro] of course not. i’m a mess without her. i don't know why i said that.

[dr. natamoto] what caused you to say this to her in the first place?

[suna rintaro] i don't know, i guess i was already having a rough day and i wanted to be alone but she wouldn’t—she kept asking me what was bothering me. I’m a dick.

[dr. natamoto] it’s completely okay to want some alone time. Instead of lashing out, you can use a method called “I sentences”. It’s basically when you express the way you’re feeling, using “I” to start the conversation. for example, “I feel”. after you express how you’re feeling, follow it up with “I would like it if you’d please…” Try it.

[suna rintaro] okay…

[suna rintaro] i feel irritated right now and i don’t want to put it out on you. im grateful that you care for me so much, but I would just like it if you’d please give me some time alone for a while.

[dr. natamoto] perfect! since we’re running out of time, i want you to write down all the things you’re grateful for at the end of each day, just to end the night on a positive note. after doing this for a week, i want you to talk to y/n. If the conversation gets too heated, try to slow yourself down by using the “I” sentences. I know it may sound inconvenient at first, but trust me, they work. i want to see you in the next two weeks is that fine?

[suna rintaro] right, thanks doc.

[dr. natamoto] anytime! Have a wonderful day, rintaro-kun.

—welp this is the second part and unfortunately i never wrote a third part because this was just an old series that i gave up on a while ago. i hope you enjoyed it! i’m sorry i didn’t write anymore parts:( i’m just trying to empty up old things in my drafts

[lafayetteworld]

Robin 2021

Okay, so it's been a while since I've been actively posting on tumblr, mainly because I haven’t had time. That being said, the commentary I am about to make on the Robin 2021 series is not meant to offend anyone and while I am particularly critical, I also acknowledge that some people genuinely like it/prefer the direction its's going in. And that's fine. But I did want to break down why I feel the current series is just 'meh' to me at the moment and it’s not necessarily because Damian is potentially being shipped with a newly introduced character.

Please be aware, that there are lots of spoilers. 

So, to start off, I am a big fan of the older Batman and Robin (2009) series, where Damian had partnered up first with Dick and later Bruce (2011). I do no think they are flawless, certainly. I think, in particular, the Nobody plot - excluding of course the interactions between Batman!Dick and Robin! Damian which are gold - was very good. In just a handful of issues, I think we were offered a great insight into Damian's character and how layered he is. 

My first thoughts when I heard about Robin 2021, based on the announcement: Damian will follow his own path, for some reason he retains the Robin moniker which is weird but okay, it does seem like something he'd do I suppose. He will participate in mortal kombat-sort-of-tournament, which will showcase his abilities and in the process, 'he will seek his own destiny' (which I believe was a line used in the actual announcement). The reason he wants to win? Initially, it appeared to be only because he wanted to prove to be the world's best fighter -- which by the way, how is only a tournament of this level only coming up now? Anyways, ignored that. Not a big deal. The idea of watching Damian fight different opponents was appealing either way.

The art of those comics is perhaps nowhere as striking/appealing as Robin 2021 and there's certainly not as many elements to it, but there was just something about it. I stopped reading comics after, for reasons I can't recall but I do remember finding out that Damian was killed off sometime after. I was super heartbroken over it but luckily I found out about it right around the time DC decided to bring him so really I had to wait a short while to see the little shit being Robin again.

I am not as familiar with the arc on Alfred's death but I know Damian watched what was basically his grandfather figure die in front of his eyes. How it was addressed after was rather poorly and that's a discussion for another time, just as it is that hot mess of Gleason's Titans.

 My hopes may have been too high in thinking we will be offered the introspection we'd seen in Batman and Robin, or him deciding what type of vigilante he wants to be. Like who remembers Damian admitting 'sometimes I don't know who I am or what I want' or him saying he does not wish to be like Nobody. That was so poignant.  

First issue of Robin 2021 was a disappointment. I know that there's a lot of damage to the character that had to be addressed but why did he die from like the beginning? Why is it the first thing we see is the author's OC defeat him? I mean, we really didn't need that to find the tournament's rules. Anyway, I was so sold on the art that I could have overlooked all that, except then the art became inconsistent so.....

Do I think Flatline's design is awesome? Yep. Do I like that she is potentially a badass female fighter? Sure. Do I like her abilities? Somewhat? They haven't been explored that much. But to me, having an OC appear out of nowhere and kill the character I was hoping to watch mature/develop is a bit underwhelming. Then, we start getting references of how poetic it is that Damian may fall in love with the first girl that kills him. I thought it was funny at the beginning but subsequent issues only seem to point that actually, the author does want to use Flatline/romance in this journey of growth that Damian is undergoing. I mean, we really shouldn't be romanticizing that she killed him? The girl is serious about winning too. That she caught him off guard is actually rather awesome but I don't think it had to mean anything more than Damian meeting a potentially dangerous fighter and that he needs to be less reckless.

Damian is a pretty complex/difficult character with a lot to figure out. Why does he need a girlfriend? Why can't he have friends that helps him grow or mentor figures? Him and Rose have such a great dynamic, for example.

I see a lot of people saying 'well, he's a teenager boy so it's normal'. Yeah of course it is. But why can't it be the opposite? Damian isn't a normal teenager. Out there, may be teenagers who feel the same. They don’t care about this stuff. 

It is so frustrating, and underwhelming. Not because there's anything wrong with Damian having a crush. Not because there's necessarily anything wrong with Flatline. But because there's no need.

Why is it just because he's a teenager he has to have a romantic interest? If romance is introduced in a plot, surely it doesn't have to be just because 'he's a teenager'. And if he does, why does it have to be an OC that hasn't been explored very well? Flatline could be a seriously cool character without needing to be a romantic interest for Damian and vice versa, Damian has so much to figure out on his own. So for me it's not the shipping that’s an issue, it’s the reasoning and how it may perpetuate clichés when there’s other angles that could be explored. 

Also, why the hell is Alfred used to drive Flatline's likeability? If Alfred is Damian's guilt manifesting, then that's actually Damian thinking that?

'I like this one, Master Damian.'

Seriously. I really hope we end up finding out that was tied in with Flatline's ability or something. So, Williamson won't explore Damian's guilt over Alfred but he'll give us a panel where Alfred (or a manifestation of him) is basically giving his thumbs up for his OC. That doesn’t sit well with me. Not so early in the series, anyway. 

Why is this whole manga thing keep coming back? Yes, Damian reads manga. I loved this addition and I think it's great that Williamson actually brought it in. The fact that it was Flatline who found it seems cliché. And no, I don't think it's a parallel between the shojo manga characters and them two. I really hope that particular manga has a deeper meaning than that. The fact that we keep seeing the blood sprayed (or is it cuts? not sure) on it does seem to hint at that.

There were some good moments. Damian and Dick. Basically every single interaction between Damian and Ravager. The whole Damian and Conner could have been developed better, because it seemed rather sudden they had a heart to heart when Damian can be such a distrusting little shit. Damian reuniting with Goliath.

Why is it that we're five issues into this series and it's all over the place? I don't dislike it. The art is great, although there's so many inconsistencies. But it's been super hard to feel in any way about it other than just 'meh'.

Issue #6 was boring. I didn't mind Flatline and Damian analysing other fighters, it was interesting actually, but that it's still being framed as heading towards a romantic relationship is so.....well, eugh.

Overall, I just don't feel there's enough...substance? Damian does interact with a wide variety of characters and there are a lot of things going on - batfamily searching for him, Ra’s Al Ghul (which was funny yet so odd the way he was characterized), the whole tournament and magic island, so on.

Flatline is not the issue for me, but rather one part of why the series has not managed to appeal to me. I do feel there's a bit too much of her. Or rather, there's not enough of her as a character and too much of the whole 'they're teenagers so they'll have to end up having a crush on one another because he's a boy and she's a girl who literally stole his heart'. Like, I wouldn’t mind having Flatline or other fighters background explored, just to see the types of people they are and so on. 

I wish there'd more of Damian's inner thoughts too. If not that, then give us more fights. Not just snippets. It's a tournament. Let's see how badass they all are. Damian’s fight scenes in #6 were beautiful but brief. I hope the next issues will give us more of that.  As someone who does like Damian x OC fics, I can’t blame the author for wanting to hype their own OC, but I am also a great fan of friends to lovers, slow burns, friendships can be just as great as romantic relationships, of taking the time for mental/emotional growth. 

Anyways, if you've made it to the end of this commentary, I applaud you. Once again, if you do like the whole Damian x Flatline thing, that's cool. I don't, but I do understand to an extent why people find it appealing. And if you think the Robin 2021 series is amazing, then I am happy for you -- I wish I could be this enthusiastic about it.

P.S just saw the cover for issue #7 or is it #8 ? I think I may cry.

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with MustangSally

MustangSally has 33 stories at Gossamer. Even if you haven’t read it, you’ve probably heard of at least one of them, Iolokus, since it’s an X-Files fanfic classic. All her fics hit big and are well worth your time. I’ve recced some of my favorites here before, including And Dance by the Light of the Moon, All the Children are Insane, and Iolokus. Big thanks to MustangSally for doing this interview.

What's the story behind your pen name?

I could tell you but then I would have to kill you.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

Yes and no. Yes, because life has moved on since the early nineties and the characters and the fans are in vastly different places now. Our current tech would make the premise of the X-Files impossible. No, because of the longevity of some of the Star Trek TOS work (there’s an archive of hard copy fanzines at the University of Iowa). Top-drawer authors started out in TOS fandom.

I’m just greatly saddened that my physical body is showing wear and tear while the fic doesn’t. Fic gets to stay smooth-skinned and muscular, captured at the peak of perfection.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

At the risk of sounding atrociously trite, I think of the friends I made.  I met some very remarkable women that I’ve been able to stay friends with online for over twenty-five years.  We may have moved to Facebook and post entirely too much about our pets and which of our body parts has sagged this week, but we’re friends.  It’s a furiously funny, feminist, and well-educated group of women with jobs in the highest levels of academia, finance, communications, and media.  I’m amused by the fact that if I have a question about how a virus replicates, I can ask a PhD I’ve been drunk with in Las Vegas.

Back in the day, I had a job that sent me traveling around major cities in the US and UK. I could post on a message board and within ten minutes there were people I could go out for dinner and drinks with. We already knew we had something we could talk about for at least a couple of hours. Additionally, most of these people were women so there was an added level of security. Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Well, it was mostly atxc and the Yahoo! groups mailing lists that spiraled out into Geocities sites and, eventually, LiveJournal. The amusing thing is that getting in on the ground floor of social media and the Internet has helped me get jobs!  When I look at a new piece of software, I think, ‘this is hella easier than uploading to Geocities.’  We had to walk uphill both ways, in the snow, on dial-up, fighting off dinosaurs with our AOL CDs while writing HTML code. What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

DO NOT FEED THE TROLLS.

The past four years in politics have basically been the ugliest online kerfuffle the world has ever seen. I survived the Shipper Wars of ’96 and I thought those were brutal, but that was NOTHING. The only way to win an argument online is to not have the argument at all. Arguing with a troll is like mudwrestling a pig: You both get filthy and only the pig is happy.

Also, READ THE FUCKING TERMS OF SERVICE.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

I had the most terrible straight-girl crush on Scully. I wanted to be her best friend, I wanted to BE her.  I wanted to order Chinese food and paint each other’s nails and talk about bones.  Scully and Princess Leia and I could all just hang out poolside with hot and cold running waiters and poolboys, drink margaritas, and bitch about how unfair it all was – if the stupid men would just get OUT OF THE WAY AND LET US DO OUR JOBS, the world would be so much better. What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

This question is really about Iolokus, isn’t it?  You can’t fool me. [Lilydale note: I can neither confirm nor deny the motivation for this question, but I cannot complain about the answer.]

Simply put, I was enraged. The moment it was revealed that Scully’s ova had been used in experimentation, I lost my feminist mind. It was the most obscene defilement imaginable.  Scully wasn’t nearly as angry as I was.  What I thought needed to happen was for Scully to become a fiery force of vengeance against the MEN who had done this to her.  Clearly, I was not going to get that level of satisfaction from the show, as I was imagining Kali-like carnage on a global scale. I emailed RivkaT (whom I did not know well at that point) with a proposition that we work together. Strangely enough, we didn’t meet face to face until we were well into the project, but we did talk on the phone quite a bit. The rules were simple – everyone had to be punished in truly horrific ways, and at some point, we had to see if we could write a car chase (only because that seemed impossible).  Then it basically turned into a very twisted game of chicken to see who could be the most outrageous in terms of killing people off or writing really horrific things that fit within the structure of the narrative.  I did, in the end, write the car chase, but RivkaT one-upped me by throwing in a helicopter (a FOX News helicopter, at that).  

Really, RivkaT?  A helicopter? What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom? I am terribly proud of what I wrote, pleased that it brought pain and pleasure in equal amount to people, and, again, thrilled by the people I became friends with. I admit that I stopped watching the show when Scully announced her pregnancy.  I could only see a long jump over a shark tank for the rest of the series. I haven’t watched the new episodes, either.  It is complete in my mind and doesn’t need to be continued.  I wouldn’t say no to having a reunion with some of my fic friends, although we’re still chatting online like everyone does.   Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

Rivka and I wrote in the Buffy fandom for a few years, but then we moved on to real adult jobs that left absolutely no time for me to write. I’m in education, and I regularly sweat blood for fear that someone is going to find my old fic. The Buffy people were fun; there was a certain *shininess* to them that I really enjoyed. The X-men authors were just batshit and delightful, and some amazing stuff came out of Marvel fandom, particularly in the Thor/Loki and Steve/Bucky subgenres. I’ve learned to appreciate a good coffee shop AU and one famous Erik/Charles fic where all the main characters are crabs. Seriously, crabs—it’s hysterical. [Lilydale note: Other Crabs Cannot Be Trusted by groovyphilia currently has almost 2,500 kudos at AO3.]

Every few years, I’ll have a student try to explain to me what fandom is and I just smirk. Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully? No. Not really. Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom? I fell into an X-Men hole a few years back and had a great old time wallowing in the Cherik muck, and there was a flirtation with BBC Sherlock as well. Strangely enough, I became interested in A/B/O fics only because of what they were saying about the role of women in our society. The limitations on the male omegas seem absurd and then you realize those are the same limitations put on women all. the. time.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

RivkaT very nicely formatted everything and put it up on AO3. What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

I will always be stupidly proud of how shocked and horrified people were by Iolokus. The truth of the matter is that Iolokus has Greek drama at its core. Scully is Medea, and the entire story is lousy with “blood on the threshing floor” and Dionysian rites. The everyday is subverted into horror, and wives and daughters will tear men limb from limb like the Maenads. Since I was ultimately disappointed with what Chris Carter did with the entire show, that approach seemed appropriate.

At a certain level, all fic is corrective fic.  Like critic Anne Jamison said, “Irritated fans produce fanfic like irritated oysters produce pearls.”  And because fic has fallen so much into women’s sphere, a pure form of correction is not just the death of the author but the MURDER, a new creation springing up from the spilled blood like Cadmus sowing dragon’s teeth.

Okay, that’s a bit much. Maybe I should just take myself back to the isle of Goth Amazons or something. Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I had to write a self-evaluation and a reflection on pedagogy today. If that’s not fiction, I don’t know what the fuck is.

All my creativity is caught up in trying to pretend to be a normal middle-aged white woman so no one knows I am really a lizard.

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Keep writing, keep reading, keep fighting the commercialization of narratives. As things grow more and more commodified, all our dreams and desires reduced to tchotchkes made in China, it’s a revolutionary act to separate your work from the marketplace. Be bold, take chances, turn the trope on its ear and kick it in the ass. Take everything the creators have done to make a work palatable to the unwashed masses and set it on fire.

Be subversive.

Be mean.

Have a great fucking time.

(Posted by Lilydale on March 2, 2021)

[hynko]

*ೃ༄ EP 1. 여덟 EIGHT ∞

All parts + info here!

warnings: swearing, miso soup slander </3

a/n note: I used all my braincells for this help!! Also big <3 to @slxttygoddess for giving me the name idea for y/n’s bestie 🙄

0.7k words

↳ ༉‧₊ 7:00 PM

“see you tomorrow n/n! Text me when you get home” Somi waved goodbye, her voice slowly fading into the background as she enters her car, driving home

“Bye miso!” You yelled the nickname that she hated the most, knowing that her car was long gone, and walked away

You weren’t expecting that she even heard you, but she did—somehow. “I heard that Ms. l/n” she yells back, her car turning back to your path as she rolls her side window down

You slightly cringed at the nickname “not the last name, ma’am” “why do u keep calling me miso” she asks with a soft whine, her car slowing down to your pace as u walk

“I think its cute to be honest” You said “I hate miso soup” “why DO you hate miso soup?” You asked, irking a brow “its just so basic yk? Also I kinda hate the taste I don’t know” somi explains

“ah, yes. The one and only hot Somi hates anything and everything basic” you retorted with a grin “I mean… you aren’t wrong though, Like, why would you be the same as everyone when you could be different?” She says with a half-serious tone

“Point taken.” You gave in “so… wanna sleepover at my house?” She asked, changing topics “I thought we were going to the cafe tmrw?🤨” “do u want to or no tf?” “fine” “get in then”

- 8:26 PM

You slumped on the couch, opening instagram “2 hrs ago with miso” you typed, then pressed the share button

- 9:10 PM

You went to somi’s kitchen, opening her fridge which had nothing but bottles of alcohol “why is your fridge empty?? Also aren’t you drinking too much?” You asked, concerned

“Well I usually just order takeout, too lazy to cook anything and you can never have too much alcohol” she remarked

“Should we get groceries then?” You asked “sure, I’ll drive” somi replied

- 11:10 PM

“Okay, we got all the snacks and drinks. Lets go back at my place” somi proclaimed “why’d we took so long though LMAO” you questioned

“I don’t know why are u asking ME” somi retorted, giggling “whatever just help me put the groceries at the back” she uttered

- 11:15 PM

“Yo should we get ice cream on the way back? Its my treat this time” she insisted, turning on her car “How could I say no to ice cream tf????” you replied

- 11:25 PM

“So n/n, I know i’ve been asking this alot, but how do you not have a boyfriend yet. I mean— i don’t get it you’re literally a fucking goddess” she asks, while driving

“I really don’t know…” you plainly responded “there must be someone you like? What about your old volleyball friends, they’re hot” she uttered

“how about you?? Why don’t YOU have a boyfriend? You sexy motherfucker” you replied, smirking “hey, don’t try and avoid the question, it isn’t gonna work” somi retorted

“Well..” You sighed “I haven’t really talked to them since I graduated from highschool, when you know…” you muttered looking to the window, avoiding somi’s gaze, not that she was looking at you anyway, her eyes are technically glued to the road

Somi turned to look at you and softened her look “I’m sorry y/n I didn’t mean to.” “Its oka- HEY WATCH OUT!” you yelled

Somi stepped into the brakes, before she crashes into something “KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD” you yelped “OH MY GOD DID WE HIT A PERSON” somi panicked

“I don’t know… but I did see something, I’m not sure what it is though.” You said, trying not to panic “should we go check?!” You asked

“The hell we aren’t! Haven’t you watched horror movies at all?!? If we go check, there’s a 90% chance something bad will happen. I’m sure we didn’t hit anything. And even if we did hit a person, their bodies should have been flying and we should’ve heard or seen it! I’m sure they’ll live the fuck?” She quickly explains

“This isn’t a horror movie. But fine, drive. Just keep your eyes on the road for fucks sake” you retorted

Somi hesitantly drove away, not wanting to know if she hit anyone or anything. She turns to look at you for a second

“So…”

“do you still want that ice cream?”

a/n: idk this is more of a filler (?) This chapter is just somi and y/n. I’ll start soft then eventually do the good parts 😕

hynko 2021 do not repost, translate, or copy.

[tinyboxxtink]

"Doppelganger" *Part 23*

WHOO, y'all. I don't know what it is about this story but I am just...rolling it all out with the tragic backstory. No angst, I promise-- It ends happy chill out. But damn. Maybe I'm working out my own issues in here...lulz.

This gif will make so much sense you have no idea.

PART 22

Part 24

Tag List

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@objection-argumentative

------

“....And how did that make you feel?”

You tried not to laugh out loud as the question left Dr. Crestview’s mouth. Did she really just ask you that?

“...I mean it makes me ‘feel’ bad,” You rolled your eyes with a laugh while looking out the window. When you turned back to the doctor she was not laughing, and she was writing something down.

“...That was a joke,” You clarified.

“Oh yes, I get it,” She nodded as she continued writing.

“Do you?” You asked her frankly. The question caused her to stop writing and look at you.

“Mrs. Barba--”

“Ms. YLN,” You corrected. “I’m not married yet,”

“...Hmm, interesting,” She wrote something down. Seriously? She even had an insight on what-- technicalities?

“I’m sorry, was that some sort of test?” You asked sarcastically.

“Actually, it was,” She said to your surprise.

“Excuse me?” You looked at her, baffled.

“You know when most women get engaged, they start imagining their last names as their husbands. You know such as changing their signature, gathering documents, and the like,”

“...Are you serious?” You laughed again. “This is 2021 lady, half the women I know didn’t even take their husband’s last name at all,”

“And is that what you’re going to do?” She asked. “Keep your last name?”

“...If I say yes are you going to psychoanalyze that too?” You crossed your arms.

“In my experience Ms. Y/L/N, women who don’t want to change their last names tend to do so because they want to keep their independence, their…’identity’. They think taking a man’s last name is ‘giving up’ something. Giving up their identity,” She explained.

“...And?” You gestured with your hand as if waiting for her to continue.

“And in my educated opinion, it also signifies a woman going into a marriage with one foot out of the door already,” She simply stated.

“Wow,” You shook your head with a sarcastic laugh. “Did I come here to resolve my trauma, or for marriage advice?”

“I think they’re one and the same, Ms. Y/L/N,” She stayed completely calm and emotionless.

“Are they?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Given what you’ve told me in our last few sessions, you’ve given off a tone that you don’t think you deserve good things. Maybe you’re keeping on foot out of your relationship so that when it falls apart, you’ll be ready,”

“Wow....wow,” You started to stand up and storm out of the office, but she stopped you with a question.

“I’m sorry if I offended you with my observation Y/N, but be honest. Am I wrong?”

You thought about all the talks you had with Rafael about ‘not being good enough’ for him, or ‘stealing his love’. And on the one hand you felt that you were ‘connected’, you felt safe and secure. After everything you’d been through, it was almost impossible not to be, right? Right?

“....And what is your magic solution to this feeling, doctor?” You crossed your arms.

“You need to forgive yourself,”

“...Jesus Christ,” You rolled your eyes with another laugh as you paced the room. “Really? That’s your solution? Telling me something I already know?”

“No, my solution is this: You need to apologize to your parents,”

“EXCUSE ME?” You practically screamed.

“You blame yourself for their death, correct? You think that because of their desire to make you happy they risked their lives driving into the city and therefore got into their accident,” She looked over her notes from past sessions with you.

“...Right,” You looked down at the floor.

“And I don’t think that you have ever forgiven yourself for that. And in not doing so, you haven’t forgiven yourself for anything you’ve done since then. All these things you say you’ve ‘done’ to Mr. Barba that you should be ‘punished’ for-- he doesn’t see it that way. Other people don’t see it that way. Your parents' accident wasn’t your own doing, getting kidnapped wasn’t your fault. I think that you need to find closure with your parent’s death before you can even begin to ‘forgive’ yourself for whatever transpired between you and Nevada Ramirez,”

“....So you want me to apologize to my parents? How are they going to ‘forgive’ me?” You asked her.

“I think you’ll find Ms. Y/L/N that just the act of apologizing will bring about its own form of forgiveness,” She smiled.

“.....Right…” You tried not to sound condescending, but for a shrink she sure sounded crazy.

“Or don’t listen to me, I can’t force you to do anything. But that is my advice,” She shrugged.

“Noted. Thank you, doctor,” You nodded and walked out the door.

----

You walked out into the streets of the city from your doctor’s office and thinking about just how or when you’d have a chance to go to your hometown where your parents were, when you were stopped by a young girl on the street.

“Oh my god...you’re Y/N!” She gasped.

“...Yes?” You stared at her blankly.

“You’re that girl who killed Nevada Ramirez!” She squealed, causing a few people to stare and take pictures of you as they walked past.

“Oh good lord…” You muttered nervously. “Yeah well um--”

“Can I get a selfie with you?”

“Um--” You looked around, not sure of what to do. You wanted to run down the street screaming, but you thought better of it. You turned back to her with the fakest smile you could form.

“Sure!” You threw an arm around her and smiled as big as you could as she snapped a selfie with her phone.

“Thanks!” She beamed at you. “ And by the way, your fiancé is REALLY sexy,”

“Oh girl I know,” You faked a laugh and a toss of your hair as she walked away with a laugh.

It really creeped you out that girls were ‘fangirling’ over your fiancé. As if you weren’t worried about keeping a hold of him all on your own. Also how did she even know what he looked like?

The article.

You grabbed your phone and did something you told yourself you’d never do: You googled yourself.

The first thing that popped up was an article on the NYTimes.com front page:

“Fairy Tale Romance Or Horror Movie?”

...What the fuck?

The article contained your video as the main focus. Then under it the article basically dictated the video, with Tasha’s opinions thrown in here and there. Then most of the photos from the photoshoot of you and Rafael were at the bottom of the page. They were gorgeous, you had to admit. Granted you were both airbrushed to hell, but Rafael in a suit drove you nuts. Even if it was just on a screen. You dialed his number as you continued walking down the street.

“....Hola, mi amor. How is my pinguino feeling?”

“Well she’s currently feeling like she’s got the sexiest man in New York City,” You grinned.

“Oh really? And why’s that?” He asked you curiously.

“Check out the picture I’m texting you,” You grinned as you texted him one of the photos from the spread.

“Oh Christ…” You heard him mutter through the phone, causing you to giggle.

“Oh yes, you even have your own fangirls now,” You rolled your eyes with a smile.

“No I do NOT,” He argued in disbelief.

“Yeah I’d be careful leaving your office there counselor, a group of tweens might be waiting outside,”

“Oh my god...they’re breaching the doors!” He acted terrified, making you laugh harder.

“Oh I think I see one,” You whispered as if you were sneaking up on someone. “She’s holding a ‘Barba 4Eva’ poster board,”

“You better be kidding,” He warned.

“No, in fact I think she’s right outside your door,” You bit your tongue with a smile.

“Oh well I’d better call security then,” He chuckled as he sauntered over to his office door and swung it open.

“Oh my Gooodddddddd it’s Rafael Barba!!! The sexiest ADA in New York City!!” You giggled wildly, jumping into his arms like a crazed fan.

“I should definitely look into some armed guards at my door,” He laughed as he pulled you into his arms and kissed you.

“Oh most definitely, wouldn’t want to let the crazies in,” You nodded as you kissed him again.

“Well I think it’s too late for that…” He teased you while tousling your hair.

“Shut up,” You playfully hit his hands away.

“Speaking of crazy, how was therapy today mi amor?” He asked cheekily.

Wowwwww, sexy AND sensitive, how did I get so lucky?” You rolled your eyes. “Actually, she gave me homework,”

“Did she?” He inquired.

“Yes,” You suddenly got very serious. “She um, she told me I need to go see my parents,”

“...Your parents?” His eyebrows furrowed.

“Yeah, something about needing to ‘apologize’ to them or some weird shrink thing like that,”

“....Do you think it will help?”

“I mean...” You sighed and looked out the window. “I don’t know. But I’d like to try,”

“Bueno,” He nodded walking closer to you and kissing the top of your head. “So are you going to go now or--?”

“Well I was kind of hoping you’d come with me,” You bit your lip. You didn’t know if asking him to come along on your shrink homework assignment was allowed, but you knew you couldn’t do this alone. Maybe that was the point.

“Really?”

“I mean, I met your family,” You half laughed, trying to make light.

“Right,” He nodded his head with a chuckle. “Well then, let’s go,”

“...Now?”

“Why not?” He started to walk towards the door.

“Don’t you have a job?” You pointed to his desk.

“Oh they just like to pay me to sit in here so nobody robs the place,” He joked as he grabbed his coat. “I have nothing going on today baby, they won’t miss me.”

“Okay then,” You shrugged uneasily. “Guess we’re going to Jersey,”

----------------

After a train ride and a taxi later, you arrived in your small town of Shallow Meadow.

“Christ Almighty, I knew Jersey was in the dark ages, but not even having Uber??” Rafael grumbled. He hadn’t been in the back of a dirty cab in such a long time, and now he remembered why.

“Alright Daddy Warbucks, chill,” You laughed as you started walking with him through town.

It was a quaint little town; one stop light, one grocery store, two bars, something out of an old movie really You know the movies where the car breaks down in the tiny shitty town and all the townspeople are flesh eating zombies or something. The people of Shallow Meadow were pretty much like that. Well, to you anyway.

“So why didn’t we just have the Mayberry Express drop us at the cemetery?”

“...Because we don’t have roads you can drive on up there,” You answered with a nervous smile.

“...Right,” He shook his head as he noticed people coming out of shops to stare at the two of you. “...Do I have some kind of weird sign on my back that says NEW YORKER or what?”

“No, but that thousand dollar suit screams “moneybags” out here,” You smirked. “Besides, they’re not staring at you they’re staring at me,”

“...What? How do you know that?”

As if it was answering his question, a girl with bright red hair dressed in farm clothing and holding a baby on her hip came sauntering up to the two of you.

“Well lookie here,” She smirked. “Miss Prissy Pants brought back herself a Prissy Papa,”

“Excuse you?” Rafael was taken aback by such rudeness by such a poorly dressed person.

“Marla back off,” You scowled at her. “Just because you’re upset I found treasure and you’re stuck with trash--”

“OH, is that what we are now? Trash?” Marla spat. “You have a lot of nerve coming back here and saying that, murderer,”

“WHOA,” Rafael stepped in front of you. “I’m sorry, what-- what did you just call her?”

“Did she not tell you the story? Oh no wait I bet she did, her version. The version where she’s the victim and we’re all just the villains. Isn’t that right, Prissy?” She glared at you.

“...I never said you were--” You tried defending yourself.

“Really?” She scoffed. “Then why did you not even bother to show up to your folks’ funeral? Their ONLY daughter, the ones they DIED for. Couldn’t even be bothered to leave her high rise in the city to pay respects to the parents she KILLED,”

“It wasn’t like that and you KNOW it, Marla! And why was I going to come back? The only two people left in this town that tolerated me were gone--” You got up in her face.

“AND WHY IS THAT, Y/N?” She got back in yours, her baby almost falling out of her arms.

“Alright lady I don’t know who you are, but you’re going to back the hell off my fiancée--”

“Oh good God, your fiancé?” Marla laughed. “You would find yourself a sugar daddy, since you killed yours,”

“Alright you know what we’re leaving--” You grabbed Rafael’s hand and stomped away towards a huge hill that had a sign reading “CEMETERY” at the top.

“I hope you’re heading up there to beg their forgiveness Y/N, ‘cuz you sure as hell ain’t getting any down here!” Marla yelled angrily after you.

--------------

“...Well I think we just figured out where your forgiveness issues came from,” Rafael tried making light of the situation.

“Ya think?” You nodded.

“This whole time,” Rafael shook his head. “This whole time I thought you just had it in your mind that you were responsible for their death. But-- but you had an entire town telling you that,”

“...Yeah,” You shrugged.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything, baby?” Rafael took your hand as the hill got steeper.

“Because I thought they were right, Rafael!” You said in a ‘duh’ tone. “Why would I tell you that an entire town thought that I was a murderer? That’s not really a selling point on a partner,”

“...You thought they were right?”

“...Well, yeah,” You nodded softly with a small smile.

“And now…?”

Before you could answer, you reached the entrance of the cemetery. Luckily it wasn’t that big; you were ashamed to admit you didn’t even know where they were buried. But you found them in a small corner under a shade tree. You walked up to their mutual headstone:

“Y/M/N AND Y/D/N: Beloved Husband And Wife, Mayor and First Lady.”

“...Mayor?” Rafael looked at you in surprise.

“Yeah, well--” You shrugged. “You see why they were so beloved, and I was the hellish daughter that killed them?”

“Y/N…” Rafael put a hand on your shoulder.

“I was supposed to want to ‘take over the city’, like I would ever want to be in charge of anything in this stupid backwards hick ass town,” You scoffed angrily, tears stinging your eyes.

“...But didn’t you say that your parents wanted you to go to Juliard? Pursue your dreams?” Rafael asked in confusion.

“They did! My grandparents-- they had a different view,” You shook your head. “The...the hierarchy here it’s-- well it’s not really a democracy,”

“...How so…?” Rafael raised an eyebrow.

“Because everyone just loved and accepted my family as, I don’t know, the ‘royal’ family?” You felt so stupid comparing your family to the Royal Family, but you didn’t know how else to explain it.

“The Mayor and First Lady titles were just...passed down, in my family. And not because they were dictators or something,” You quickly added the last part, you didn’t want Rafael to think any less of your family than he probably already did.

“People here are just...simple,” You sighed. “They accept things the way they are, they hate change. So it was just assumed that my family would always be... "the family’,”

“But you didn’t want that,” Rafael said again.

“Of course I didn’t want that!” You scoffed. “I didn’t want to just get a high school degree and then marry some ‘Cletus’ redneck man from here and have ‘heirs’ just to keep the family going!”

“But your parents understood that,” Rafael reiterated.

“It didn’t matter what my parents did or didn’t understand. My grandfather had more clout with the townspeople here,” You rolled your eyes. “My dad was the ‘mayor’, but his dad controlled everything. His father had been the mayor for over thirty years before he passed it onto my dad, who didn’t really want it either” You walked up to the headstone and ran your fingers over your father’s name.

“....So when he tried to ‘save’ me from that life, my grandpa wouldn’t hear it. He blamed me for...for manipulating them into giving me anything I wanted, like I was a spoiled little child. He blamed me for them giving me their life savings to go to Julliard instead of putting it back into the town treasury. Then he blamed me when they got killed, and he just reinstated himself as mayor! Which, I haven’t checked but I’ll be damned if he isn’t still rattling around his old ass bones in our house! He’ll just haunt this place forever!” You threw your hands up and looked down angrily at the town down below.

“Carino…” Rafael came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist from behind. You took his hands in yours and kissed them before turning to face him. You looked into his sparkling green understanding eyes for a moment, before directing your attention back at the headstone.

“....This is Rafael Barba, mama and daddy,” You pulled him gently forward. “We’re getting married soon,”

“...Nice to meet you folks,” Rafael said awkwardly.

“...Raffi they’re dead,” You smiled jokingly.

“Right, right,” He shook his head with a small laugh.

“...He’s a very good man, daddy. I know you always wanted that. And he’s very handsome, so you’ll have beautiful grandchildren mama, just like you wanted,” You smiled while Rafael softly chuckled.

“...I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to come,” You finally said with tears rolling down your cheeks. “I should have been here sooner,”

“But you’re here now,” Rafael softly rubbed your back.

“Yeah…” You nodded softly. This was the hard part.

“...I’m---I’m sorry, that I made you feel like horrible parents that night,” You tried not to cry, but the memories of that night flooded your memory the more you spoke.

“I’m sorry that you thought you needed to come see me, that you weren’t good parents if you didn’t,” Your lip trembled, you fell to your knees.

“...I’m sorry the last words you heard from me were ‘I hate you’,” You finally broke down sobbing.

“Y/N…” Rafael knelt down next to you and held you in his arms as you cried.

“Do you get now why...why I don’t think I deserve you? Why don't I think I deserve anything? Why I think I have to take everything? Fake everything? Because I am such a terrible person my own parents died thinking I hated them because I was that horrible to them!”

“They didn’t think you hated them, carino,” Rafael rocked you back and forth. “They knew you loved them, I know they did,”

“You know you’re probably right, Rafael. But it--I needed them to hear it,” You nodded at the gravestone.

“And?”

“...And I feel a lot better,” You smiled as Rafael wiped tears from your face.

“Really?”

“Yeah…Really,” You chuckled. “I guess that therapist really knows what she’s doing,”

“She should for the amount of money I pay her,” Rafael shook his head with a laugh as he helped you stand up.

“...Thank you for doing this with me, amor,” You sniffled, pressing your forehead against his.

“Of course, penguino,” He kissed you softly. “And, for what it’s worth--” He added as you two walked back down the hill towards town.

“I think that if your parents were alive, they would be proud of you,”

“Oh, I know my mother would take one look at you and be DAMN proud,” You both laughed at that.

“And I also think they would be appalled to see how their townspeople treat their daughter,” He glared at the town.

“Yeah well,” You shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. Not anymore,”

“I’m glad to hear it,” He took your hands as the sun started to go down in your sleepy little town. “Now can we please get back to the city before I catch something out here?”

“Yes,” You giggled, staring at him lovingly.

“Let’s go home,”

[robinrunsfiction]

Hello!! Could you write a vampire gerard x reader one day..? And it's kind of fluffy with Gerard being overprotective or jealous? If so thank you and have a good day!!

Vampire-tine’s Day 2021 - Day 2

Pairing: Vampire Gerard Way x Female Reader Rating: General Requested By: Anon Word Count: ~2,000 Author’s Note: When I started this request, I kinda missed the “fluffy” part and the beginning part was angsty AF. But! Luckily I have @mariawritesfanfic in my life (for like a billion reasons) who gave me an idea, direction, and helped me basically get this story where it is today! Hope you all enjoy! Also sorry it’s late, I didn’t intend to put this one up tonight, but I failed to get the one I meant to post today done sooo

It was another bitterly cold night, but Gerard couldn't feel it, and it didn't matter anyway. What mattered was him was making sure (YN) got home safely. He watched from the shadows and the rooftops as she approached her building, but in the distance Gerard heard something that caught his attention. In a flash, the monster was in front of her fangs gleaming and Gerard launched into action as well.

“Don’t touch her,” Gerard snarled as jumped in front of (YN).

“I won’t hesitate to go through you to get to her,” the vampire snapped back. “I want a fresh meal, and this one smells delicious.”

Gerard heard a small whimper behind him before he threw himself at the offending creature. It wasn’t long before the monster, weak from hunger, gave up, running off to tend to his wounds.

“(YN),” Gerard murmured as he turned to find her still frozen in fear, hands clasped over her mouth, eyes wide.

“Ge-Gerard?” She stammered. “Gerard, what was that? What are you?!”

“I can explain, but let’s get inside before he comes back. Can I come inside with you?”

(YN) nodded as she reached in her bag with shaking hands to pull out her keys.

“Gerard, can you please explain what just happened?” (YN) asked when she shut the door behind them.

Gerard sighed. “There’s been a rise in vampire attacks, and I know you work late so I’ve been watching to make sure you get home safe.”

(YN)’s face softened at his words, before she was shaking her head in confusion again. “Vampire attacks?! And how have I never noticed you behind me? Are you telling me you’re a,” she trailed off.

“Vampire? Yea, I probably should have mentioned it before,” Gerard replied, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "To be fair, I'd only just gotten turned when we met."

“Well this answers a lot of questions I’ve had,” (YN) murmured to herself as she made her way to the couch, lost in thought.

“What?”

“Huh? Nothing!” She replied quickly, blushing as she looked up at him. “But how do you keep yourself from wanting to bite me?”

Gerard swallowed hard. He wanted to close the distance between them and take her in his arms and show her how he felt, but he couldn’t. All he could do was be mostly honest. “Because I’d be devastated if anything happened to you. More than anything I want to keep you safe.”

(YN) ducked her head awkwardly, trying to hide the blush on her cheeks. “I can’t ask you to follow me around forever like my own personal bodyguard.”

“There is another way, but I’d understand if you wanna say no. Please don’t feel like you have to do this,” he said starting to pace nervously.

“Wha-what is it?” She asked, her voice sounding a bit strained.

“It’s called a protection mark. It’d help me sense when you’re in a dangerous situation, and I could be there in a flash to help protect you.”

(YN) nodded thoughtfully, taking in his words. “But you wouldn’t know everything I’d be thinking or feeling or doing, right?”

“Right,” he nodded. “Just when you need protecting.”

“I… I guess that would be a good idea,” she replied.

“If you aren’t sure, you don’t have to,” he reassured her.

“No! I, I mean, I think it’d be the best idea. I’d really not like to be bitten by a vampire.”

Gerard winced. “Umm… that’s part of the process.”

“Oh,” she breathed, her hand going to her neck protectively.

“It won’t be deep, just a small wound, I promise.”

“And you won’t turn into a bloodthirsty monster?”

“No, I’d never do anything to hurt you,” he said softly, sitting down next to her.

(YN) nodded. “Ok, I trust you, Gerard.”

Gerard took a steadying breath and leaned in, feeling overwhelmed with nerves. He knew how to do this, Ray had explained it all before, but being this close to (YN) in this context was something else all together. He tried to ignore the vampire instincts screaming in his brain about how good her blood smelled, how amazing it would taste, that’s not what he was doing.

He bared his fangs, and sank into the soft skin of (YN)’s neck. She let out a whine that turned into a whimper and he wanted to stop, but he had to make the wound deep enough. As he drew back, the taste of her blood hit his tongue and he had to stop himself from drinking more. 

“The worst is done,” he said encouragingly to her. She opened her eyes and he smiled, hoping to reassure her.

“You can, umm, the bit that’s bled, you can have it,” she said, stumbling over her words, cheeks heating up at the offer.

Gerard’s heart would have been beating a mile a minute if he was still a human. He leaned back in and carefully licked away the small rivulets of blood. It was better than anything he could have imagined. The best meals he had as a human were nothing compared to her.

Once the bleeding stopped, he brought his fingertip to his fang, piercing the skin. It took a moment for a bead of blood to pool up before he held it over the wound, allowing it to drip in. He drew another droplet and let it fall into the other hole.

“My blood is now mixed in yours,” he explained softly, looking up at her again. “Not enough to turn you into a vampire, but just enough for me to know when you’re in danger.”

“Now what?” She asked just as softly.

“You don't need me hanging around you anymore, so I can go,” he said, getting up.

“No,” she said quickly, reaching out and grabbing his hand. "I mean, you can stay and hang out if you want. I'd love to hear about being a vampire, if you wouldn't mind telling me about it."

Gerard smiled and sat back down next to her. "Yea, I don't really get to talk about it much. What do you wanna know?"

Gerard stayed until just before dawn, having spent all night talking with (YN). They'd been friends for a while, but no longer having to hide his true identity made him feel even closer to her. It also did nothing to help the crush he had on (YN), as well as his instinct to protect her at all costs. 

When he returned to his basement apartment, he typed out a quick message to Ray, letting him know what happened that night and climbed into bed. But sleep wasn't coming anytime soon, as all he could think about was (YN).

A few nights later, Gerard was walking into a party at someone's house. He wasn't the type to go out without good reason, but a text from (YN) inviting him was more than good enough.

"Gerard!" She called when she saw him, waving him over.

"Hey," he smiled as he reached her. She threw her arms around him, giving him a tight hug, before pulling back sheepishly. "Sorry, I guess I missed you," she laughed nervously.

He smiled back. "That's ok, I missed you too. You've been ok?"

"Yea. So far so good I think," she shrugged and that's when Gerard realized he was holding her hand. He wasn't even sure when it happened, but he liked the way they fit together. "I haven't had to work as late so I'm not walking alone in the dark, but I'm still glad to know you're there if I need you."

They settled into a comfortable, easy conversation, as if they were the only two people in the entire party.

"Hey Gee. Gee… Gerard Way!" Ray shouted, finally getting Gerard's attention.

"What?" Gerard asked a little annoyed, and (YN) giggled.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Ray asked.

"Yea, sure," he said, giving (YN) 's hand a reassuring squeeze before following Ray out to the back deck.

Outside, Ray's breath came out in clouds, filling the bitter night air. Gerard noted that the moon was nearly full and that meant the werewolves would be out in a night or two and he should warn (YN), just to be safe.

“How’s it going with (YN)?” Ray asked, rubbing his hands together for warmth.

“Everything seems fine so far,” Gerard replied hesitantly.

“But?”

“You know that I’ve had feelings for her for a long time, but ever since giving her that protection mark,” Gerard trailed off.

“Oh Gerard,” Ray sighed.

“What?!”

“You didn’t know tha-”

“Wait, shit, I think (YN)’s in trouble,” Gerard cut his friend off.

“At a party?” Ray asked skeptically, watching his friend run back inside.

Gerard pushed through the crowd, as if being led by an invisible thread to (YN). When he found her, she was backed into a corner, a tall, hulking man was looming over her, and she was clearly very uncomfortable and nervous. 

“Gee!” She exclaimed when she spotted him.

“(YN), are you ok? Is this guy bothering you?” Gerard asked.

“She’s fine,” the man snarled. “She doesn’t need any help from some greasy dork like you.”

“She’s not, and you need to leave her alone,” Gerard said trying to keep his voice calm.

“Make me,” the other man laughed darkly.

Gerard stepped forward and shoved him with all of the strength he could muster, launching the jerk across the room. His friends, noticing the commotion, started to make their way to where Gerard was standing protectively in front of (YN) once again.

“Hey Gee, let’s get outta here!” Ray called from by the door. Gerard grabbed (YN)’s hand and led her quickly out of the house. Once they were away from the party and certain they weren’t being followed, the three of friends settled into a comfortable pace 

“Are you ok?” Gerard asked, squeezing (YN)’s hand.

“Yea, thanks,” she smiled. “How’d you know I needed help back there? Was it the protection mark?”

“I think so?” Gerard replied, turning to look at Ray, who sighed again, stopping under a streetlight.

“I tried to explain this to you Gee, but I think you were a bit distracted,” Ray explained in an amused tone, shooting a glance toward (YN). “While the protection mark alerts the protector to when the bearer of the mark is in danger, it will also increase the bond between the protector and the bearer. Ya know, enhance anything that is already there.”

Gerard glanced over at (YN), she was already looking at him, and they both looked away nervously.

“Anyway, this is my place, I’ll see you two later,” Ray said, with a wave and heading up to the building they were in front of, leaving (YN) and Gerard alone.

“I’m sorry (YN), I wasn’t paying attention when Ray explained it all to me. I didn’t mean to make you, I mean, all I wanted,” he groaned, hanging his head in defeat.

“Gerard,” she said, reaching out and tilting his head up so she could look in his eyes. "You can tell me."

"I just like you so much, I asked Ray for advice and I got distracted imagining being your hero when he was explaining everything," he laughed, but his voice was tinged with sadness. He had a feeling (YN) was about to ask him to leave her alone forever.

But she was smiling softly up at him, her hand still resting gently on his cheek. That's when she leaned in, pressing her lips to his sweetly. The moment took him aback for a moment, but when he realized what was happening, he kissed her back with every bit of emotion he had been holding for her in his cold, unbeating heart. When she pulled back she was blushing lightly.

"Gee, remember what Ray said? It enhances feelings that are already there. I already liked you too. And now I know you like me back."

Gerard grinned. "Do you wanna come over to my place, it's not far."

"I'd love to," she smiled. "Hey, look, it’s almost the full moon. I don't have to worry about werewolves running around, do I?" She laughed.

Gerard just wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her tight against him as they headed down the street. "Oh (YN), I think I have a lot to tell you."

[externalmusings]

An Independent Swiftie’s Theories on What is Next

I’m a Swiftie. Which doesn’t much surprise anyone who knows me. What would surprise them is how much time I actually spend wrapped up in the chaotic games she plays. I love it, because that is exactly the type of person I am; detail-oriented and massively engaged in secret messages and easter eggs.

I over-analyze EVERYTHING. Which is exactly why playing into her little games is so enjoyable. That’s also why I don’t put much stock in the theories other Swifty sleuths come up with. I read up on what the discussions are, but I tend to try to come up with my own meanings in the clues. Which is why I have some theories that I personally haven’t seen anywhere else. Pardon me if these are not new theories, but here is a collection of what I think is next, and HONESTLY, what I would be thrilled to see.

1 – Karma is Real

I think the theory that there is a “sixth” album sitting in the wings is credible. Outside of Joe, her longest public relationship was with Calvin Harris. Not to mention her longest album hiatus was during the time she was dating him. Now, from everything I’ve read and heard about Taylor, she’s not exactly a creative faucet that can be shut off when she feels like it. Hell, the girl finished Lover in the middle of the night, because that’s when it came to her. Which is why I think there is no way she doesn’t have several songs for those missing two years in her albums’ narratives.

In addition to the highly probable likelihood that Karma exists, I don’t believe that it was just because of the Kimye drama that it was cancelled. Karma would have probably been a tender and touchy album for her at the time it was set to be released. The Met Gala takes place in May every year, which is said to be where she met Joe. Personally, I think it was probably at a pre-party or afterparty (don’t ask me why, there’s no concrete anything that would give me that impression, that’s just how I imagine it). So if Lover, Cruel Summer and Gorgeous specifically are to be believed, she was kinda sorta with Joe as early as summer of 2016, ahead of Karma’s scheduled November 2016 release. This means she was with Joe a good few months before she would have had enough lead-time to pull the rip-cord on Karma. That’s plenty of time, especially given her immediate infatuation with Joe, to get to a point to where she wouldn’t WANT to release an album that was most likely about loving Calvin. That maybe for the good of her new delicate relationship, she should put that one away. And since she felt like she was effectively cancelled as a person during that time, why not cancel Karma so she could write about her new love, address the Kanye drama and salvage her reputation. But to do that, she’d need time. A year, to be specific.

2 – Karma is Next

I think the most concrete evidence of this is from the Instragram photo posted by Drake of himself and Taylor from a time when they could’ve been originally collaborating. Since we never saw any collaboration from the two, obviously that was swept under the rug and is clearly coming back to the surface. Also, wouldn’t now be a good time for Drake to appear? On an album about Calvin when the only other album reference Swift has made about Drake is in a song about Calvin? Plus, she has now forgotten he existed, so I’m sure she is more emotionally equipped to handle the release.

If I were Taylor, I would be itching to get any back-album released, now that she basically has nothing stopping her from rereleasing old material. But why now? Well, I don’t know the terms of her original recording contract, but it is known that she can’t begin recording Reputation until November 2022, which is five years after the original release. What if she was banned from rerecording Karma until November of 2021, which is five years after Karma SHOULD HAVE been released? If she had started recording in November, wouldn’t she be about ready to release now?

Also, it has been 10 months since she announced a new Taylor’s Version album. I think because this is an album that has been hinted at, but is not confirmed to actually exist, I think she’s going to go with another surprise release. Tease it on a Thursday, like with Folklore and Evermore, and release the next day, which is why there’s been such a delay in announcing anything. I think that’s also why she’s been pretty quiet on Instagram, with her final Red era video about getting ready to feel (20)22, which was four months ago now. Clearly, the Red era is over and she’s been quiet because she’s gone and secretive, just like Karma. We’ve been dying for more clues, but guys, we’ve had them all along.

3 – Secret Release of Album 3

I’ve seen the patterns, guys. I see that she won Album on the Year, released two more albums, switched genres, won Album of the Year again, released two more albums, switched genres, won Album of the Year again and released… one more album. Well, guys, could this be her getting ready to release Karma, which is new and secret like it’s two predecessors, so she can get started changing it all up again to get that fourth Album of the Year?

4 – The Release Schedule I’d Love to See

If I’m right about Karma being next, then she will have released 2, 4 and then 6. Now if you ask me, her self-titled debut is the least anticipated and would be the most surprising release. I think it would be too much of a going out with a pitter, rather than a bang, if she saved that release for last. To get the most traction and maintain the most momentum, she should release that right in the middle of the pack. No one will expect it, and it will be the time when it gets the most fan reaction. That also leaves her with the ability to release the next four after Karma in 1, 3, 5, “7” order, and by going in that order, there will continue to be a more anticipated album coming next. But while I would actually love to see her release 1989 last, so she could bookend her Taylor’s Version releases with the Album of the Year winner, the way she started with Fearless, it’s hard to argue that the 2, 4, 6, 1, 3, 5, “7” release schedule is appealing as well. I guess we’ll see how she chooses to do it.

[twomanyideas]

The Way To A Man’s Heart

A collaboration by @mdelpin and @oryu404​

Gratsu Weekend 2021 Prompt: First Pairing(s): Gray x Natsu, Gray & Loke

AO3

Summary: Gray has long held feelings for Natsu, but it takes finding out that Lucy is planning to make a move to convince him to act first.

Chapter 1

Gray had been about to open the door to the Fairy Tail guild when he heard a rustle in the bushes.

“Pssst, Gray.”

He recognized the voice right away and could already feel a headache forming in response, but he dutifully walked towards the bush, fighting the urge to just freeze it and head inside the guild. Loke crouched behind the bushes, looking uncharacteristically serious.

“Do I even want to know who you’re hiding from?”

“I have some important intel, and it affects both of us.”

“Intel?” Gray was admittedly curious, but he stopped himself before he could get caught up in whatever this was. “Look, man, I just got back from a job. All I want is to relax and grab a beer.”

“Would you still think that if I told you it’s about Natsu and Lucy?”

Well, that certainly changed things a little. Natsu and Lucy were his teammates, and if they were in trouble, then he wanted to know about it. However, he knew from experience that Loke’s definition of trouble was markedly different from his. But what if it was serious...

Ten minutes later they had made it to Gray’s small apartment. Gray dropped his mission bag, and subconsciously his shirt, by the door and led Loke to his living room.

“Alright, so what’s this about?” he asked, getting two beers from the fridge and giving one to Loke.

“Gray, don’t take this the wrong way, but I need you to grow a pair.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!”

“Look, the situation is desperate. Cancer told me Lucy summoned him to do her hair and help her pick outfits this morning.”

“Is that all? She does that all the time.”

“Yes, but this time she was getting ready to ask Natsu out.”

Gray ignored the tightening of his stomach at those words, outwardly shrugging them off.

“Still don’t see what this has to do with me.”

“So you’re perfectly fine with Lucy dating Natsu? That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“I don’t care what the Flame Brain does,” Gray was lying through his teeth, but he’d gone years hiding his feelings and he wasn’t about to let them out now.

“You’re so cute when you’re in denial,” Loke snickered.

“Fuck off.”

“We both know Natsu will end up saying yes, even if only because he won’t want to hurt her feelings, and who knows how long that will last. We’d both be screwed, and not in the good way.”

Loke was right. Natsu hated hurting his friends, except for him of course, but Gray couldn’t fault him for that. Not when he was just as bad. Natsu wouldn’t want to disappoint Lucy, so he’d likely say yes. Not to mention there was almost as much pressure on him to like Lucy as there was on Gray to like Juvia.

And what if Natsu ended up marrying her? That tightening in Gray’s stomach worsened, making him want to doubl over to ease the pain. He’d experienced plenty of crushes over the years, but his heart had long ago decided on Natsu. Would he be able to live with himself if he didn’t at least try to stop this?

But what about Lucy? She was his friend too. Should he really stand in her way?

His eyes narrowed at the thought. Fuck that, he’d hadn’t known her that long, but he’d been waiting for the flame brained dimwit to wake up to romance for years. If she was planning on making a move, then it was as good as a declaration of war. And Gray wouldn’t give up without a fight.

“Alright, let’s say, for the sake of argument, that you were right. What is it you have in mind?”

“I think it’s about time you asked Natsu out. Don’t you? If you get him to date you, then maybe Lucy will finally take me seriously.”

“I can’t just ask him out. He’d probably think I was messing with him and punch me on the spot.”

“True, he’s a tough nut to crack, but there’s always something,” Loke muttered, his expression turning thoughtful.

He snapped his fingers a few minutes later, startling Gray out of his panicked thoughts.

“Okay, so the basic problem is that Natsu’s oblivious, right?”

Gray nodded, thinking that summed it up quite nicely.

“So here’s what you’re going to do.”

Loke explained his plan and Gray instinctively knew he was doomed. There was no way anyone could be that oblivious.

He knew the likelihood of this working was slim at best, but that didn’t matter one whit because Gray had already resigned himself to doing whatever it took to keep from losing Natsu forever.

0-0

“I’m back!”

Gray tensed the moment he heard the guild doors bust open, followed immediately by Natsu’s loud greeting. It was time to put their plan in motion, but he didn’t feel ready. He hadn’t really had enough time to process that he was finally making his move. Loke squeezed his shoulder before sitting down next to him at the table, and that was all the encouragement he could give because Natsu was likely to hear any words they exchanged.

“I can’t believe you got a reservation for The Spice Grill!” Loke sounded enthusiastic. Way too enthusiastic. Gray cringed at the loudness of his voice.

“Oh yeah, it was part of the reward for that job I went on today,” Gray recited his lines, feeling incredibly stupid. “I hear all the food is super spicy there and they cook it on a grill right in front of you.”

“Don’t they have that magical bartender too?”

“Oh yeah, that’s right! She makes special drinks that you can infuse with your magic. I wonder what ice-magic tastes like?”

Loke made a few crass comments in response, but at least they made him laugh, soothing his nerves a little. Gray hoped Natsu was listening, but it worried him that he’d remained silent so far.

“So who’re you taking?”

Gray thanked his lucky stars that Juvia had yet to return from her job with Gajeel, because that had been the trickiest part of this plan. If she’d been here to overhear this conversation, there was no chance he would’ve gotten away with not taking her. Voluntarily or not.

“Hey, Levy!”

Shit, that was Lucy. If he couldn’t lure Natsu over before she got to him, it would be all over.

“I haven’t decided yet,” Gray stuck to the plan, doing his best to sound disinterested even though inside he was desperately screaming at Natsu to take the bait. “You like spicy food, don’t you? Wanna come along?”

Loke rubbed the back of his neck, “I guess I could go.”

“I like spicy food, I’ll go with you, Ice Block.” Natsu finally joined the conversation, and Gray almost cheered.

“Why would I take you out to eat?” Gray sneered, knowing he couldn’t make it too easy or Natsu would suspect something was up. “You have the table manners of a boar.”

“Didn’t you say the reward was for all you can eat?” Loke threw in the last incentive.

“All you can eat?” Natsu’s enthusiasm bumped up a notch at the news, and now he was practically salivating. “Oh, come on, don’t be a jerk! I promise I’ll be on my best behavior.”

“Alright, I’ll tell you what,” Gray proposed after pretending to think it over. “I’ll take you, but only if you can beat me at arm wrestling.”

“As if I would lose to you,” Natsu scoffed, sitting across from him and propping his elbow on the table. He peered at Gray expectantly. “Bring it on, Ice Princess, I’m all fired up!”

Elfman had just checked their hands and elbows when Gray heard Juvia enter the guild already calling for him. So rather than complete the challenge, he got up, dragging Natsu along by the hand he was already holding and making a beeline for the exit.

“Change of plans, Pyro, let’s go!”

He glimpsed Juvia’s disappointed face on their way out, but it didn’t bother him in the slightest. Lucy’s, however, was much harder to dismiss. He felt a bit guilty, knowing what she’d planned to do and how much effort she’d put into it, but not nearly enough to abort his mission. All was fair in love and war, right? And this was both, so doubly fair.

“Hey, you can let go now,” Natsu tugged his hand free of his grasp. “What got into you, anyway?”

“I didn’t want to have to deal with Juvia wanting to come along,” Gray answered honestly, and Natsu didn’t question him further.

“So where is this restaurant?”

“Akane Beach.”

“Aw man, you didn’t say we’d have to take a train to get there!”

“You didn’t ask.”

Gray held his breath while Natsu glared at the train station as if it were somehow responsible for his motion sickness. A minute later his shoulders slumped, and he began walking. “Ugh, fine. Let’s just get it over with.”

He couldn’t believe it. Loke’s stupid plan had actually worked! He was going on a date with Natsu! Well, fine, he’d tricked Natsu into going on a date with him, but it was still more than he’d ever thought he’d get.

0-0

The train ride went about as expected. They had the compartment to themselves since Natsu’s agonized groans and dry heaves scared away most of the passengers. Gray watched over him while he thought of the dinner ahead.

The restaurant was pretty trendy, much more so than any place they usually went to. Loke had pulled some major strings to get a reservation on such short notice, and adding that all you can eat option was going to cost Gray almost the entire reward from his last job. He was a little worried that they would stand out from the other guests, and while he’d teased Natsu about his manners, it wasn’t like his were that much better. However, the hassle would be totally worth it if things went the way he hoped, but if it didn’t... Well, it was all you can drink too.

This wasn’t the first date Gray had been on, but it was the first one where he felt this nervous. Had they ever done anything like this together before? He didn’t think so. Most of the times they’d gone places together, it was at Erza’s behest - one of her attempts to get them to get along better, and she was usually there to run interference.

And they still almost always ended up in disaster.

The train slowed down, signaling their arrival and pulling Gray out of his thoughts. Once it rolled to a stop, he nudged Natsu that they had arrived, carrying him off the train on his back and walking onto the busy platform of the Akane Beach Station. He soon found a bench outside where they could sit while Natsu recovered.

The breeze brought with it the smell of the ocean, making him feel like Ur was wishing him luck. Gray couldn’t help but smile in response. Natsu stirred next to him, perked up by the sounds of live music and the bustle of excited tourists.

“You ready to move?”

Natsu responded by springing off the bench, grabbing Gray by the arm and pulling him up, “Come on Ice Block, I want to check out the music!”

That was easier said than done. It was a Friday evening, and people had come to Akane in droves. Natsu held on to Gray’s arm as he tried to force them through the crowds, making sure they wouldn’t lose each other in them.

Gray rolled his eyes at his friend’s usual blunt approach, lowering his core temperature instead. He laughed at Natsu’s surprised expression when people moved away from them, clearing a path.

Natsu grinned, but rather than letting go, he tugged harder, wanting to get to where the excitement was at. They quickly crossed the boardwalk, getting their first view of the resort and amusement park.

The Spice Grill, the restaurant they were going to, was inside the resort, but they still had some time before their reservation. Natsu headed straight for the street musicians that played outside the hotel, tapping his foot to the beat and clapping louder than anyone when the song was over. He threw some jewels into their open guitar case.

“After listening to Gajeel, I’d almost forgotten what proper music sounded like.”

Gray snorted in agreement. “We should probably head inside now, wouldn’t want to miss our reservation.”

“All you can eat, here we come!” Natsu cheered, holding the door open for Gray, and following him inside.

@fuckyeahgratsu​