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obliviontomars-blog · 6 years

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The Group - Chapter 01

So here's the deal: it's my first fanfiction ever. I will continue if you guys give me some feedback (I need to know if this sucks or not).

Hope you can enjoy and have as much fun reading as I did writing :D

The food was all set. Vegan, healthy, sugarish, you name it. One of my favorite things was to host parties and make people feel welcome. After a while I became known for my hospitality and the crazy parties with the coolest people I threw.

After I moved to LA, me and my friends started to throw some Wednesdays parties in my apartment. People called us "The Group". We were 5 students (and a teacher) of UCLA, of different areas, that became very close.

The rule to our meetings was to always bring another person, so we could meet new people. That way my place was constantly full of artists, painters, directors, actors and students. The most crazy and creative people of LA.

The living room was already full of people. A plastic artist from NY, a few students from UCLA, and this supposedly famous writer that I have never heard of.

I was refilling the avocado toasts when my phone vibrated. Tessa had sent a message:

"Prepare yourself, I'll be there in 15 min."

I didn't quite get what should I be prepared for, so I just assumed she was talking about her presence.

The doorbell hang and Josh arrived, carrying this fancy tequila on his hands.

"Darling, save this for a special occasion, my gift from Mexico."

"Awn thank you, how was the trip?"

"An entire week of crazy sex with the prettiest boys."

"Jesus... I need you to give me all the details later, baby."

I was putting the tequila in the kitchen cabinet when he asked, while running his eyes throughout the living room:

"Where's Superman?"

"Not among us anymore." I answered, giving him a kiss on his cheek.

The doorbell hang again. When I opened the door I thought I was too drunk and seeing things wrong.

"Hi baby, how are you?" Tessa gave me a very tight hug. "This is my friend, Jared."

It wasn't the alcohol. He was really there. My mind went completely blanc for a second before I could think of what to say. Tessa gave me this weird look as if she was trying to say something with her eyes. Think fast Victoria.

"Oh, hey, I'm Victoria. Welcome! There's food, lots of drinks and very nice people. Hope you have fun." I smiled as I finished the same welcome speech I always give to the newbies.

"Thank you, nice to meet you Victoria. I've heard great things about your parties." His voice was calm and had a husky tone that sent shivers through my entire body.

"Hope you'll find them all to be true. Make yourself home!"

He entered the living room and went compliment the people who were inside. I turned myself to Tessa and whispered in a desperate tone to her "Jared Leto? Jared Fucking Leto? Seriously?"

She laughed. "I told you to prepare yourself."

"Oh my god... I need another drink." I said while I closed the door behind me.

I was a huge fan of Jared and his work. Also, he was in my top 5 hottest guys ever. He had this mysterious aura around him that everybody would comment about, wich always made me very curious about him. Besides that, such a beautiful and talented guy, single at the age of 47? Something was seriously wrong with him.

The thing is, I never thought I would meet him, so I got really nervous about him being at my place. Despite that, I knew I was a great host, and in the past few years I learned pretty well how to interact with people I've never met before. If I just try to act like I wasn't extremely sexually attracted to him at all, I should be fine.

It was my chance of meeting the myth. So I took a deep breath, filled my glass with some more wine, and went sit with Tessa and Jared.

They were sitting on the floor, with Josh, Leo and another girl I couldn't remember the name, just in front of the balcony.

"Where's Superman?" Tessa asked as soon as I sat down.

"Oh lord... He's not coming anymore, okay? No comments, let's just move on."

"Victoria, you're gonna die alone." Leo mocked me.

I sticked my tongue at him. "Thank you, next."

We all laughed.

I notice Jared wasn't drinking anything. "Hey, can I get you something to drink?"

"Would you have something non-alcoholic?"

"That's gonna be a little hard to find here today. I'm so sorry. I'm gonna check the fridge to see if I can find anything."

"Don't worry, water is fine by me."

"No way." I got up and went to the kitchen.

My apartment wasn't very big, it was an open concept living room and kitchen, with a huge balcony in the front. Wooden floors, very cozy, nice view.

I realized Jared was following me, so I immediately straighten up, making sure my butt looked bigger. Cause you know, they ALWAYS look. I was wearing a high wasted shorts and an open back body that gave me a very sexy look.

I opened up the fridge and saw some lemons.

"How about a lemonade?"

"I would love one, thank you."

He leaned on the counter top while I was preparing the drink.

"I'm sorry about my curiosity, but who is this Superman guy? Everybody here is talking about him." He asked, almost whispering.

I chucked. "It is actually the Superman. My now ex-almost-boyfriend, that I happened to have dumped. Henry... Cavill. I said looking down. People always got surprised by the fact I was dating him, wich made me embarrassed. "He apparently got very close to everybody. More than I thought." I sighed.

"Oh wow. You dumped him? Woman you've got some balls. I wouldn't dump a man like that." He pointed to his arms while saying it, alluding to Henry's massive muscles.

I laughed ."Yeah, well, what can I say... I'm more of a batman kind of girl." I winked at him.

He threw me the prettiest smile I have ever seen in my life. His eyes were blue like an ocean. It felt like I could get lost in those forever.

I was smiling back at him when I immediately remembered he interpreted the Joker, so I swallowed hard hoping he wouldn't think I was flirting with him. Well, I wouldn't actually mind if he think that, though.

"So, no alcohol, at all?" I asked to break the ice.

"Bad for the body. And the mind." He added.

"Living on planet earth is bad for the body and the mind. Seriously, no poisons?"

"Well, I had enough you know. I spent too many years on the road and already had my share of all the poisons you can think of. Now I just like to stick to the natural adrenaline."

"Natural as in what, pot?" I chuckled at my own audacity.

He smiled. "As climbing, or my concerts. And a little bit of that too, every now and then" He smirked.

I laughed "Oh that's nice. You know, I'm a big fan of hiking. Actually my friend Leo got me into that, he does climb sometimes too." I finished the drink. "Here we go, a non-alcoholic lemonade to you, Sr."

He smiled at me and took the glass, slighty touching my fingers. My legs went loose and I thought I would fall down if weren't for Leo's voice.

"Heard my name."

"I was just telling Jared you like climbing, and initiated me into the mountains."

Leo was an extremely tall and handsome brunette guy. He was a photographer and teacher at UCLA.

"Yeah it's my favorite hobby, and allows me to take some pretty nice pictures."

"Since you've mentioned, I was actually thinking about going to Yosemite saturday morning. We could hike, so the lady here could go too." Jared said.

"I would really like that, could be fun. Victoria?"

"Count me in." I answered and shook my head in sign of approval.

Someone in the balcony called Jared's name.

"Well, we can talk details later, if you guys excuse me."

Leo smiled at me, saying with his eyes what no needed to be put into words. He lifted up his beer and saluted "cheers to hiking with a very, very, hot guy. I bet your wet right now."

"Cheers to that baby. And yes, I am." I finished my wine all at once.

#jared leto #jared leto fanfic #jared leto fanfiction

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allsystemsarenotgo · 5 years

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“The Novel”

I've been needing to talk to somebody about something. Last night, somebody I don't talk to very often anymore was willing to give up some sleep to talk to me.

I gave them the abridged version. I knew they needed sleep and didn't have time for a novel.

Here is "The Novel".

---

A child learns their name by having it spoken to them repetitively.

A pet learns its name by having it spoken to them repetitively.

When bullies call you gay and queer repetitively because you've never had a date much less a girlfriend in 12 years, ... At some point you begin to believe it.

When that trend continues to a statistic of 3.25 years of relationship out of 30 years of life.....

You begin to question the things you ever thought you knew.

I was an opinionated ass in high school that knew better but did the things anyways because I had nothing to really lose. Except I did lose alot of pride along the way.

I didn't like many things, and I didn't understand the decisions of many people. There are days that I wish I was still friends with people that I alienated or that alienated me because I didn't believe in drinking alcohol or having kids before college, or at a young age at all.

There are alot of days that I wonder....will I have to be find a lady 8-10 years younger than myself to love me for who I am...and potentially make them have kids at a young age so I'm not the age of their peers' grandpa's when they graduate?

^ That image was me in high school.

I never dated in high school. I courted and got shot down a ...couple... times. I didn't go to parties, I wasn't a part of the cool kids' clique. I didn't really....do anything high-schooley in high school.

And it got me bullied. My eccentricities made me well known. I was generally outspoken and firm on what I believed (no sex, no alcohol, scientifically agnostic) and...it basically made me live in infamy. It got me bullied alot. I was called gay and queer alot. And it wasn't just from 1 or 2 or 5 people.

I had 3 crushes in high school. Two were a grade younger than I.

The first I asked out my Sophomore year. We talked alot, sat next to eachother, did classwork together. We were both above-average students, so the teacher us let us do what we wanted while she dealt with the rest of the class.

That was really what entered me into the downward spiral of depression. I'd never asked a girl out before, much less been shot down. It took me a long time to get over that.

The second I asked out my junior year. We didn't have any classes together, but I had worked my way into her family via a mutual friend. I felt like we knew eachother fairly well.

Getting shot down by her didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. But given the nature of high school, the backlash of her friends and friends-of-friends, and probably half the school altogether...that is what hurt. It showed the true colors of many whom were already primadonna status, approaching it, or (falsely) thought they had it. She did apologize to me after a period of time, and ultimately, she probably made the better decision.

I never asked my third crush out. After being shot down twice in two years, I didn't want it to be three for three. I worked with her, and we got along awesome. Maybe not asking her was a fatal flaw in my life. I will never know. We have stayed friends over the years despite not seeing eachother until earlier this summer. I met up with her twice, and both times wrenched my emotions. I've since found out she is actually taken, which shot down my chance of ever knowing the true answer.

Then I finally went to college.

I went from a school of 450 kids in a town of 360 people to a dorm of 500+ kids in a college of 10,000+.

But I did not change with the scenery. I was still outspoken.

Neither of my roommates liked it.

Neither of my roommates liked me.

I was outspoken enough to write a persuasive essay on Abstinence for my college English class. I didn't see the problem.

Until the Prof said we had to read them aloud, after she had graded them.

Then I panicked. I crashed and I burned.

I felt so....little and insecure.

I wasn't one to force my thoughts on people. Yet, I just had.

Do you know how bad that feels inside?

Pretty damn bad.

One day, I got a message from a high school friend I hadn't talked to in a while. We started talking. In the end, she admitted she had a crush on me through high school and asked if we could give it a try. I was 1.5-2 hours away from home.

It was a hard juggle, but we made it work as best as somebody that'd never had a GF before much less a LDR could.

After a few months of LD dating and the start of my second year of college, a topic came up that would change the rest of my life mentally.

And something clicked in my head.

- What if this girl was 'the one'?

- What if something happened. Would I want to die a virgin?

- What if this doesn't work out. I'll always be the inexperienced one?

That last one hit me hard. There was no way around the fact. And for what I knew, I knew that being the lesser experienced would likely never be a good thing.

(10 years later, a friend put it perfectly....)

I convinced myself to break something that I had let run my life for the previous 10+ years.

I think it's safe to say that very few peoples' first time is "great". But it's a learning experience.

-learn-

Then we broke up after 9 months.

We rarely saw eachother, it couldn't be that difficult to get over right?

Wrong.

-sulk-

-lonely-

-stressed-

-imbalanced-

And...

-addicted-

I was broken. The fire inside of me had been lit, and nothing was putting it out.

I had a raging wildfire spreading within me within a few short weeks, and no way to control it.

I had just started a job at the school newspaper, running the website. I shared an office with the two graphic design artists. We were getting along pretty well and it was fairly evident that both of them were really relaxed and loose about what they wanted to talk about. I was the reserved one, sitting at my desk, listening with minimal contribution.

Until one day, I finally had the courage to chime in to their conversations. It didn't take much longer before I was in my second relationship.

I learned alot of new and different things during that 2.5 year relationship.

Example: telling her father about my shellfish allergy. It was good because he cooked alot of it. It was because he knew my weakness and made no secret that some things would easily justify using it against me.

I learned to get over my fear of public image. I was dating a woman almost twice my weight. When we first started...dating...I was petrified to be seen with/around her much less hold her hand. Over time that phobia subsided.

I learned that addiction comes in many forms. I spent many nights at her apartment, sometimes I went home and sometimes I didn't. Spending 4 hours a day with her at work and another 4-12 hours with her at her apartment...it got to the point that I missed her when I was away from her. I missed having her company, and I missed cuddling.

I learned that I'm very much a physical contact person. After all those years of being an only, lonely child...I wanted to give and receive physical touch.

She would print off a piece of artwork, I would lay on my stomach on her bed, and she would trace the outline onto my back, then start filling it in. That's usually when I would fall asleep. She would keep drawing as I slept, and eventually I would wake up.

As long as we were touching, I was happy. Sometimes I would lay on her, sometimes she would lay on me, sometimes we'd be side by side with a leg on the other.

I learned that calculated risks are worth calculating to the limit. And that mis-calculating is not fun.

I learned that parents are smart and figure out almost everything.

There was only one real issue and one hybrid issue with the relationship.

Both of us were mentally strained. I could not speak my emotions or feelings. I couldn't handle the 'adulting' conversations regarding the future. I couldn't explain when I was sad, mad, upset, or anxious in voice, only text. I couldn't "use my words". When scolded, I just wanted to ball up in a corner and cry. At the same time, both of our academics were on a downward spiral of death. She ended up dropping out completely and going back to junior college, I ended up changing majors twice and barely escaping with any pride left at all and a very expensive piece of paper that said "Bachelor of Science in Miscellaneous Bullshit". Okay, University Studies...but same thing.

The relationship had evolved far beyond what it had originally been intended to be.

It was supposed to be more of a cover-up for a FWB situation than an actual relationship. But we caught some sort of feelings, and....

I've been single since then.

It took a few years, but we still talk to eachother and are still friends.

But I miss the cuddles.

I miss the touching.

I miss being relaxed and falling asleep while being drawn on.

I miss...alot of things.

I had a few more crushes develop during college. Some I let go, some I got turned down on. At least none of them laughed at me.

One of the ones that I let go...I reconnected with a couple months ago. I was going to ask her out...and I kinda did...only to find out that she was secretly in a relationship that hadn’t gone public yet. That was a pretty good kick to the twig and berries, knowing that I was just too late to the party.

Once I learned about High Functioning Autism, alot of things made sense. I slowly learned better coping mechanisms. I learned to do more "normal" things like making eye contact.

My senior year of college, I met an awesome lady in my coding class. We got along great. She helped crack my shell. We went on walks, we played basketball, we played on pool tables, we played soccer. We sat on balconies and talked. We kind of...had a thing going. She was my only friend to attend my college graduation. We even took a picture together in my cap and gown (which I have tried many times to find. I'm guessing it was deleted....see below).

But we didn't. I wasn't allowed to hug her much less kiss her, even on the forehead (I wanted to...many times). I was barely allowed to hold her hand.

I got shot down. I felt like I was in a plane that was missing a wing and didn't have an ejection seat.

I plummeted into the ground and crashed and burned.

We stopped talking after that.

I still don't know what exactly I did wrong.

I could say that about many friends that I have lost over the years.

I still don't know what exactly I did wrong.

That was 5 or 6 years ago. I honestly don't remember anymore.

That's how long I have been lonely.

That's how long it has been since I went on a date.

That's how long I have not been able to have an unweighted conversation.

Sure, I have seen my second ex a time or three. But it's not the same. That's not a date. That's not something to lead to the future.

I have a two best friends that I can talk about almost anything with. But I never see them. One lives two states away, the other lives several hours away (any other state besides Texas, and they'd be in another state).

They help. They give me a method to vent. But I am afraid of losing them.

I have lost 3 best friends in my life already.

One cut me out of their life as a birthday present to me after 4 or 5 years, my freshman year in the dorm.

One cut me out of their life after many conflicts over 7 years. We never met in person.

One cut me out of their life after I became a burden to them. We saw eachother on a regular basis, I even stayed at their house once after they tried to break my shell and I (mentally) collapsed into a puddle of goo. They also hurt me once by calling the police for a welfare check, and my parents got involved.

Of the two best friends I have managed to keep, the closer of the two has issues in their own life going on right now. I feel guilty and sad for even talking to them...they have asked that I limit interaction while they try to straighten out their own world. They have also called the police on my for a welfare check, and got my co-workers involved.

I already had a hard time making friends before. Anymore, it's hard for me to trust anyone at all.

I don't have any friends to go places with.

I'm always working my ass off (working 7 days a week these days, haven't had a real day of rest in months).

Social Anxiety says that I can't go anywhere alone. Plus I don't really trust myself alone, much less in a foreign Environment.

How am I supposed to meet a friend, when I work my ass off 7 days a week? When I don't know what resting is?

How do I elevate a non-existent friend to "More than a friend" status?

A child learns their name by having it spoken to them repetitively.

A pet learns its name by having it spoken to them repetitively.

When bullies call you gay and queer repetitively because you’ve never had a date much less a girlfriend in 12 years, … At some point you begin to believe it.

When that trend continues to a statistic of 3.25 years of relationship out of 30 years of life…..

You begin to question the things you ever thought you knew.

Sometimes I wish I was Ace.

Sometimes I wish I knew what I am.

Historically, I can be described as a smart, odd, minimally sarcastic ignoramus. But that is only my personality.

Am I straight? Am I gay? Am I bi? Or am I just hopeless?

Will I ever find love? Will I ever have kids?

Is there something wrong with me that revolts women away?

Will I have to find a woman 8-10 years younger than myself and cause her to have children at a young age to avoid being the age of their peers' grandparents at graduation? If I find a woman now, we date for 3 years, engaged for 1, married for 3, then have a kid...I'll be 37 when they are born and 55 when they graduate high school.

We're the bullies in high school right all this time? I don't want them to be. But what if they are? Or am I just that broken inside?

The things that I like/enjoy...they scare me a little. And that's coming from me. For years I have said I was a sapiosexual (turned on by intelligence rather than personality or looks)...but it never occurred to me, what if the gender lines do not in-fact exist? What if....

These are the questions that keep me awake at night.

These are the questions that feed my depression.

These are the scenarios that feed my anxiety, my trust issues, my loneliness.

These are the reasons that, more than anything....I will never turn down a hug.

Because a hug means you love and care about me.

And I need that reassurance.

But it feels good on the inside, too.

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