#so having their wands still kinda follows that logic I guess

[tenacious-minds]

I’ve been listening to endrinas the language of flowers fic, and in the authors notes of chapter 1 of part three, they mention how the book never explained how Sirius got his wand back, and my immediate reaction was “I always assumed they never bothered to take it off him”.

[sapotillam]

I've always wondered how it is possible that spells are not the same depending on the wizard's language. How I am to cast anything if I'm not saying the right incantation? Isn't there a global common name for each spell that every wizard should use? Well I think I found an answer and, frankly, I should have guessed it way earlier.

It doesn't matter what word you use to cast a spell: it's the intention behind the words that matters.

Magic is not something one acquires. It is a power running through the veins of some people, waiting to be used. It doesn't come out of nowhere: when a wizard casts a spell, he bends his own magic to his will. Understand this : it is not the incantation that summons the magic, it is the wizard's intention, his decision to use his own abilities to cure, hurt, make wonders.

According to Ollivander, a wand is just a way to focus a wizard's magic. It is an accessory -however powerful- to rein in the magic and make it follow a precise path. Words and spells are just the same: they are only anchors that help the wizard in the summoning of his power! And it works, especially for children, who cannot control the strength of the magic running wild in them.

Of course, I assume that it is easier to cast in you own language to grab the meaning of the spell. This is why Fleur Delacour will get the same red lighting when saying "Stupéfix!" as Harry Potter when he yells "Stupefy!": all of those spells, translated in other languages or not, are hiding the same goal. Wether somebody gets hit by "Endoloris" or "Crucio", if the caster intended harm, they will suffer all the same.

And this theory is reinforced by many other facts! (Yeah, I've thought it through.) Like: I was saying that a wand is just a way of conveying the magic, and not of producing it. As a consequence, wizards can borrow other wands to cast ; it will work. They won't get results as impressive as with their own wand, because of all the the-wand-chooses-the-wizard thing, but still: it's their own magic they're using, and not a magical artefact! (And so if I follow my line of thought, a Muggle couldn't do anything with a wand. Or just a little if the wand, you know, kept a little power, just like a electronic device. Wich seems... Kinda logical?)

Another example: wandless magic. Wizards no longer need a tool to focus their magic. Their will is enough to summon their magic and make it obey. Isn't that amazing? It shows that some advanced wizards no longer need help to control their power, they're getting stronger than that!

And finally, the most obvious and final example (because you know, always keep your most striking argument for the end of your essay): wordless magic. I mean. Do I even have to expound? In sixth year - so early, and I never thought of it ONCE- , Harry gets taught how to use his magic without the need of an incantation. Isn't that the ultimate proof to show that words are, actually, meaningless? A French wizard, an British one and a Bulgarian one could all cast the same spell without understanding one word of what's being said between them, because the final truth is this: it doesn't matter.

[mollyscribbles]

Owl House rewatch thoughts

* Hard to say from what little we see of her, but I think Luz' mom might have been less worried about her daughter reading fantasy and more about the "multiple incidents of bringing uncontained live animals and explosives to school" thing.

* If Eda considers Luz' Azura book as being only useful as kindling, it means she's not inclined to view human books as something she can make snails on.  Considering how unique her portal to the human realm is treated, where did Amity get her Azura books?  I've seen people suggest the author travels between realms, but if that were the case, Amity would've been able to get the latest volume from a local store rather than needing to borrow Luz' copy.

* Suggestions for other species that escaped from the Boiling Isles: the platypus and peacock mantis shrimp.

* "Weak nerd arms" ok really identifying with Luz here.

* Really love this take on Chosen One stories.  Because yes, there is an appeal in being told you're special, you're unique in the best possible way, but ultimately this is a story about people who aren't "special" so much as outcasts who do their best with the situation they're in.  Which is something that a lot more people can aspire to be.

* The fact that this was a set scheme(as the multiple fake maps would indicate) rather than a trap specifically designed for Luz indicates that even people who've spent their lives on the Boiling Isles would be drawn to the idea of being a magical chosen one. I bet Amity's not the only one to have an interest in fantasy literature around here.

* Oh wow Amity's first appearance outside the credits is . . . something.  It's easy to forget just how far she grew in one season.

* Eda's not a *bad* teacher, so much as she has yet to learn that teaching requires expanding on a concept you introduce and explaining your reasoning.  "Here is what you can learn from tasting snow" instead of just "here, taste these different kinds of snow"

* Hm.  For someone who despairs at the concept of the school teaching blind obedience, her teaching style kinda relies on it.  Bit of a hypocrite there, Eda.

* Gonna be honest, the first time I watched this and King mentioned Eda sneaking a drink of elixir, I thought it was going to turn out to be a magic-looking flask.

* It seems slightly odd that King's apparently known Eda for a while but didn't have any idea of the curse.  Maybe she was just REALLY good about keeping up with her elixirs pre-series.

* Really like the metaphor for a chronic illness that's kept under control by medication.

* If the Emperor's Coven provides access to all forms of magic, you'd think others aspiring for a spot would be permitted a multi-track education at Hexside.  That might be why none of them seem to be that impressive at magic when they're supposed to be the "best of the best" -- even if they have *access* to all forms of magic, they've only had training in one specific field during the bulk of their education.

* lbr, Lilith's cheating was worse because at least Eda told Luz what she was doing.

* You'd think Willow and Gus might have caught on that Luz didn't have permission for them to come over when she told them to hide from Eda.

* It's nice that Eda realizes raising a kid with a "screw the rules" mindset will result in a kid who breaks her rules sometimes.  Cleaning up the mess she caused is really the correct punishment for Luz; directly dealing with the consequences of her actions but otherwise considering it a lesson learned.

* Reading to kids in the library is an A+ way to shift Amity from "Jerk" to "Jerk with a heart of gold" territory.

* Prediction: At some point, Luz will return to the human world (probably only briefly but Eda won't know at the time) and Eda will come across the "Coping with empty nest syndrome" book Luz got her from the library.  She'll cry.  King will cry.  Hooty will cry.  Every viewer will cry.

* Pretty sure that, given what the world is like, if any of them ended up questioned about their actions during the body swap episode, they could just say "Oh yeah I was body swapped that day. What'd I get up to?" and everyone would consider this a perfectly logical explanation for them acting out-of-character.

* HC that Hexside is fully aware some illusion-track students skip class by having an illusion of themselves attend in their place, but they figure a student maintaining a decent replica of themselves for the duration of the class period requires enough effort to count as a form of class participation, so they just let everyone think they're getting away with it.

* Gus and Willow are really ride-or-die friends.  Always nice to have.

* Probably some of the mystery appeal will be gone from the Human Appreciation Society once a legit human is just attending classes on a regular basis; being able to get definitive answers to questions rather than spending your time speculating would cut back on the draw.

* I love all the details they include on this show -- a lot of other shows would just stick in scribbles while panning past pictures instead of writing out all of Eda's incident reports.

* The pallisman is a neat concept; sort of like a mix of a wand and a familiar, a magical control that will have opinions of its own.

* Given Bat Queen apparently has enough of, um, a biological aspect to have kids, I wonder if that means Owlbert is capable of laying eggs.  Or having eggs with another owl/pallisman if the male pronouns are anything to go by.

* I mean even Phineas and Ferb didn't question Perry laying an egg when he uses male pronouns so could go either way in terms of what Disney would allow.

* Reading the book fair signs, it looks like sci-fi is a popular genre in the Boiling Isles.  Makes sense, since what we'd consider Fantasy would be more contemporary/urban fantasy to them.

* Getting the vibe that someone on staff had a less-than-amicable experience co-writing with a friend to inspire this one. And/or experience with shitty contracts.

* The Hexside requirements also required knowledge of basic runes, but given Luz apparently had no issue with that I'm guessing she just picked those up offscreen.

* "I've seen worse" is the ideal admissions response tbh.  Like . . . she pulled off the required spells and the headmaster has seen decades of students' awkward first attempts.  It probably counts as a good day when no one's admissions test resulted in needing to bring in someone from the Construction Track to repair the building.

* It's very reminiscent of D&D that the majority of the cast has the response of "This is clearly a trap.  Let's check it out!"

* You'd think that carnival fortune tellers wouldn't have the same appeal in a world where it's something you study at school.  Unless it's viewed the same way as those "magic" shows they have sometimes where the tricks all involve chemical reactions.

* Kinda surprised a school that teaches kids fire spells doesn't have some kind of fire suppression system in place.

* Hrm.  Guessing the mind guardian went back and undid their own damage offscreen; otherwise they'd have had to go re-do the repairs before leaving.

* Good they had the wifi and charging cable coming through the portal to explain why Luz' phone still has service and the battery's not long dead.

* Luz, how have you survived this long with your instinct for pushing buttons.  The same as the rest of humanity in a world full of buttons, I suppose.

* Probably if they thought about it, the best criteria for picking Grom royalty would be less who's the most skilled at magic and more who has the most low-key fears. . . . nvm, having a Stay-Puft incident would cause them to reasonably scrap that approach.  Maybe appointing someone who obsesses over grades would have better odds of producing a relatively-simple-to-combat exam paper.

* I'm thinking the letters are written by Eda, who doesn't intend anything sinister by it so much as being the type to cover her bases when pulling off a scam and realizing Luz' mother would need some evidence to indicate her daughter was safely at camp.

* The band-aids clearly have some healing spell built-in, considering they've been used to heal inanimate objects.

* someone on the writing staff has a long-standing rant about Quidditch they've been holding back on.

* I know that normally the humor in the cut from "she's finally growing up." to Luz planning the heist would be that she's doing something that sensible adults would consider to be a bad idea, but if Eda saw her just then she'd wipe away a tear of pride and go "Her first self-planned heist! They grow up so fast!"

* Eda's the one who talks about cheating at stuff, but Lilith has a habit of playing *dirty*.

* I would like to say I appreciate them going with a more serious credit sequence because it was disconcerting with Star Vs when a dark ending was followed by "I THINK EARTH'S A REALLY GREAT PLACE"

* Lilith may have made a 30-years-late attempt to redeem herself, but I really don't trust her.  I don't quite want her dead, but she DID spend decades trying to force her sister to join the Emperor's Coven as a prerequisite for curing her curse.

[artificialqueens]

Mateo's Eight chapter 2 (Branjie) - athena2

Summary: Con artist Vanessa Mateo has just been released from prison, and she’s planning one last heist to erase her debts and start a new life for herself.

But for this to succeed, she needs the help of the very person who ratted her out to the cops: her ex-girlfriend, Brooke Lynn Hytes.

(An Ocean’s Eight AU)

Previously: Vanessa began setting up a heist and was forced to call her ex, who ratted her out to the cops Now: Brooke answers a phone call from Vanessa, who she hasn’t spoken to in six months

A/N: Thank you all so much for your feedback on chapter 1 and interest in this so far! It really helped encourage me and I hope you can leave some more on this chapter. Thank you to Writ for being the most amazing beta!

—

Brooke has a million reasons not to answer that phone.

Hell, she has a million reasons why she should have thrown the thing away in the first place.

But she didn’t.

She’s not only held on to the phone, but has also kept it fully charged in her bedside table, along with the pictures of her and Vanessa that hurt to look at, for six months.

Brooke had stared at it for hours after that day, the day when everything came crashing down around her. When the life they had imagined went up in smoke. After they released her from the police station, Brooke had dialed Vanessa’s number until her fingers ached and that number was the only thing in her head, trying to explain what happened, why she did it, even when she knew Vanessa wouldn’t answer, would never answer again because of what Brooke had done to her.

Brooke should have thrown the phone away then and there, killed her last connection to Vanessa, the same way she’s tried to kill her feelings. She’s succeeded for the most part, except for when she rolls over in bed, expecting to meet warmth and finding cold, empty space, when she goes four blocks out of her way to avoid the diner, when she automatically reaches for creamer in the grocery store even though she takes her coffee black.

She’s wide awake–Brooke doesn’t think she’s slept through the night in six months, when she started sleeping alone again–when the ringing tears through the room and makes her heart stop. That clunky Nokia would buzz in Brooke’s pocket and signal the start of a con, one they had built together in the diner, taking notes and picking steps apart as their feet in their scammed-for boots wrapped around each other under the table.

There’s no way anyone but Vanessa could be calling that phone. But why now? Why at all?

Brooke does some quick math in her head. It’s been six months since that day. Vanessa must be out of prison now. Could she really be calling Brooke after what she did? Brooke knows Vanessa won’t easily forgive something like that, if she’ll forgive it at all.

But she’s still calling, and there has to be a reason.

If this is a chance for Brooke to explain herself, tell Vanessa the secret she was hiding for all those months–the secret that forced her into confessing–she has to take it. At least it will help Brooke sleep better if Vanessa knows the truth.

“Who is this?”

—

Brooke frowns at the unfamiliar number on her phone screen. She barely answers the phone for people she does know, but she takes the chance and picks up anyway.

“Hello?” She asks.

“Brooke?”

“Yeah, um, who is this?” The voice is strangely familiar, with a roughness that makes Brooke’s heart pound.

“It’s Vanessa. You know, from the store?” Her question quirks up with hope at the end.

The phone almost slips through Brooke’s hands. She orders herself to stay calm despite the excitement burning through her, the endless possibilities on the other end of this call.

“Oh, hey, Vanessa,” Brooke says.

“Hey.” Is it just Brooke, or she can hear the smile in Vanessa’s voice? She pictures Vanessa’s bright teeth flashed in a grin for no one to see.

“So,” Brooke recovers herself quickly, “would you like to do something tonight?”

—

“How long have you been doing this stuff?” Brooke asks. Vanessa hovers around Brooke’s shoulder but is loud enough for Brooke to hear even with the honking cars and endless bustle of people.

“That day you found me was my first big one,” Vanessa admits sheepishly. “Before that it was just street stuff with my friend Silky. Three card Monte, that kinda thing.”

“Seriously?” Brooke asks. She leads Vanessa into a department store, their arms brushing quickly and making Brooke wish they could stay that way forever, that her arm could always feel the tingles of Vanessa against her. “I would’ve never guessed that was your first. You were so natural.”

“I was screamin’ on the inside, Mary,” Vanessa says. “I thought I was gonna piss myself a few times.”

Brooke snorts and nudges Vanessa toward the purses, gesturing at them all. “Pick a purse. Any purse.”

“You sound like a magician.” Vanessa giggles. “You got a magic wand and a cape somewhere?”

“Maybe,” Brooke teases. “I do have some tricks up my sleeve.”

“Will I ever get to see any of ‘em?” There’s a definite flirty tone to Vanessa’s question, one that makes Brooke’s cheeks flush and her mouth dry.

“Maybe,” she says with a nervous smile.

Vanessa raises her eyebrow and Brooke’s knees weaken. “Any purse I want?” Vanessa checks.

Brooke nods. She watches with a smile as Vanessa stalks among the purses like a lion after its prey, stroking the faux-leather and modelling them in the mirror. There’s such easy confidence in the way she moves, like she’s going to take up all the space she wants and everyone else just has to get out of her way. Brooke could watch her for days.

“This one.” Vanessa triumphantly hands Brooke a scarlet purse crisscrossed with little black studs.

Brooke peeks at the name and designer on the tag, blinking in shock at the number of zeros, then beckons Vanessa to follow her upstairs, looking down into the purse department from the second-floor balcony.

“Watch,” Brooke commands, enjoying herself maybe too much, wanting to show off a little for Vanessa. Vanessa’s brown eyes roam over her skin and Brooke’s whole body heats up.

Brooke calls the purse department, adjusts her voice, and begins. “Hi, this is Elizabeth Smith. Account number 415793. Can you get me this purse”–she gives the details she memorized from the tag– “and have it ready at the counter? My assistant will be there in a few minutes to pick it up. Just charge it to my store card. Sorry for the rush, it’s a present for someone and I’m late.”

Vanessa stares at her with an open mouth as the cashier takes the purse, rings it up, and bags it. Brooke then walks downstairs and pretends to be Elizabeth Smith’s assistant, returning upstairs and handing the bag to a still open-mouthed Vanessa. Brooke can’t help but smile. She’s never had someone else to share in the thrill of it all with her, someone to put her skills to use for.

“You must’ve been at this a while, then,” Vanessa says finally.

“A few months.” Brooke doesn’t want to talk about what stole her hope and pushed her into this, why she has so many bills. She doesn’t want to talk about the box under her bed where she stashes money in the hopes of affording a good lawyer one day. She’s just not ready for Vanessa to know yet.

“Well, you’re a pro.”

“I like the planning of it, I guess,” Brooke says, face flushing at the praise. Planning and organizing has calmed her since she was a kid, rearranging stuffed animals and alphabetizing books to drown out her parents arguing. A way of getting the control she didn’t have in her big, cold house. “Writing it all out, making sure it’ll work. That’s how I came up with this one. I was here yesterday. I heard Elizabeth Smith giving her info at the counter and planned it out,” Brooke explains.

“Holy shit,” Vanessa mumbles. “Well, thank you.”

Her awestruck eyes look up at Brooke, and the sheer joy of making Vanessa happy hits right in Brooke’s heart. It’s something she wants to experience forever.

“Hey,” Brooke says. “Um, next week, do you–can I take you on a date? A real date, with dinner and no scams?”

Vanessa smiles. “I’d like that.”

—

“I have something planned,” Vanessa says.

That’s the absolute last thing Brooke expected, especially when Vanessa hasn’t even been out of prison 24 hours yet, and it’s a few seconds before she can muster up words through her shock.

“No.” Brooke has given all that up, given up the schemes and lies and the designer clothes she scammed herself into. She’s lived a perfectly normal, perfectly safe (perfectly boring) life the past six months, another way to separate herself from the old life she had with Vanessa. She told herself she would never con again, that she would just chip away at her debts and the ever-rising interest rates using her paycheck from the dance studio like everyone else. No cons, no scams, no lies. (And no hope of ever freeing herself of those bills).

“It’s the biggest thing I’ve ever thought of. I need you to see this through.”

Vanessa needs her.

Those words would have once sent Brooke running no matter what time it was or what Vanessa needed. There were mornings when she woke early and the sun hit Vanessa’s face just right, and suddenly an angel was wrapped in the white sheets of Brooke’s bed. It was times like those that Brooke would have harnessed the damn moon and pulled it down if that was what Vanessa wanted.

“No.”

“I know you still have bills. They could all be gone in one night.” Vanessa was always quicker to show her emotions than Brooke was, feelings passing across her face and bursting in each word. She’s trying to keep them out here, trying to lure Brooke in with cool logic, but there’s a hint of desperation in her tone that she can’t quite conceal.

All her bills gone in one night. Brooke can’t let herself consider that possibility, because she doesn’t need this danger. But the relief of having her bills paid off, never having to worry about how to pay for groceries and electricity, is growing too great to resist. She’s been conning almost two years, saving money where she can in the hopes of paying things off, all of it feeling like one huge battle she’ll never win. One night could end that battle.

Brooke feels the itch tugging at her fingers, the thrill pulsing in her heart, the urge in her to just forget her boring life and rob someone blind, to send a giant middle finger to the universe that let her sink into tens of thousands of dollars in debt for medical bills when the assholes she conned had garages full of collectible million-dollar cars that collected nothing but dust.

Some part of her wants to do it, wants to fight for something again, wants to win. She didn’t fight hard enough when it counted in court, wasn’t able to win against her ex-husband, and he took the person she loves more than anyone. Vanessa is promising big money, probably enough for her to take him back to court and win.

But if this is the biggest thing Vanessa’s ever thought of, the risk must be astronomical. Vanessa always saw the reward, jumping into danger for the rush of the prize. Brooke was always stuck with the responsibility of seeing the risk, putting a net under each of Vanessa’s jumps, preparing for a fall. It had suited her–suited them–Vanessa with the drive to make it happen and Brooke with the meticulous nature to make sure it would work.

“No,” Brooke says for the third time, cursing herself inwardly for her stupid idea that Vanessa called to hear her side of things, that there was even a chance Vanessa still loves her. But it’s a lot harder for that refusal to come out than the other two.

“I didn’t want to do this…” Vanessa sighs, “but who’s to say I don’t go back to the cops and let them know who my accomplice was?”

Brooke stills, heartbeat in her ears. “You wouldn’t do that,” she manages around the lump of fear in her throat. The normal life she created for herself, the future she sometimes allows herself to dream of, everything she’s worked for, would all be ruined, just like that. Just like she had ruined Vanessa’s life.

Vanessa laughs bitterly. “Wouldn’t I? ‘Cause you did the exact same thing to me. After you promised you would always protect me.” Vanessa’s anger jumps through the phone and slaps Brooke in the face, but there’s a touch of pain under there. A touch of hurt in trusting the wrong person.

Brooke deserves it, she knows she does. But she can’t bear to have Vanessa in pain, especially when she caused it, even if she knows she had to do what she did. If only she could explain it, try to make Vanessa understand that Brooke never wanted to hurt her.

“Vanessa, I—”

“You help me, you get the money, and I stay quiet. I think you kind of owe me, don’t you?” Vanessa poses the final blow, and Brooke’s resolve crumbles. If she can do this for Vanessa, they can at least be even after what happened last August. They’ll each get their money and go their separate ways, though hearing Vanessa’s voice again makes Brooke realize how much she’s missed it, and she’s not sure she wants to go her separate way.

“How much?” Brooke asks.

Vanessa whispers the number in her ear.

Damn it. With that kind of money she can get rid of her debts once and for all, even with the interest. She won’t ever have to choose between paying the water or electricity bill, or silence her rumbling stomach when she smells fresh bread from a bakery. She can buy a nice house, set up a flower garden and a vegetable patch–hell, with that money she could buy a mansion with a freaking fountain in front–away from the dust and noise of the city, instead of this apartment that smells like fish and is barely big enough to fit her, sometimes suffocating in its size. It’s more than enough for a strong lawyer to help get Zoey back.

Brooke looks at the picture on her nightstand, blonde hair and blue eyes smiling back at her.

“I’m in,” Brooke says.

[mageniskala]

SEVENTEEN: Zodiac’s Reading of This Month #1

Merry meet and Namaste...

Hello, welcome back to ACE OF DIAMONDS. Okay, without further talking, i'll share my reading right down below.

04/01/2020 Decks: The Wildwood Tarot and Rider Waite Tarot Topic: Zodiac's reading for this month .

1). S.coups: Leo

Pile: Knight of Pentacles, 7 of Sword, 3 of Wands, Queen of Stones, Page of Stones, 3 of Stones.

This month is busy month for Leo. He got many responsiblities to handle, things to get done. He almost can't handle it, but in the end he fulfills his duties. Leo needs to prioritise his loved ones the most, families, friends, SEVENTEEN, and Carats, instead of paying attention to hate-speeches and negative comments on SNS. Take no shit of what antis said. Haters gonna hate. Leo also has to know that rooting to his creativity is way more important in this matter.

2). Jeonghan: Libra

Pile: 3 of Swords, The Magician, King of Wands, 3 of Arrows, 8 of Arrows, Page of Arrows.

I sense a lot of mind/tought energy. Likely this month will be tough moment of Libra, because there are two 3 of Swords (Arrows) coming out, and it even get worse with 8 of Arrows that associates with strugle. Libra will be strugling from physical (dizziness, cold, low blood-pressure) and mental illness (red: anxiety disorder). In other hand, Libra has The Magicians which means the power within and trick to handle all these chaos. Libra doesn't speak it loud, he keeps it for himself, he tells a lie that 'he's okay'. Good news, he has such a big spirit to get better and better, this big and pure intention will help him get out of the dark place.

3). Joshua and Seungkwan: Capricorn

i). Joshua - The Sun, The High Priestess, The Moon, The Forest Lovers, The Moon on Water, The Guardian

Well, it is interesting. There are two card of The Moon, which tells us about something unsure and confusion, and moment of stillness. So, i can tell that Joshua has big doubt about something. From the card of 'The Forest Lovers', i can see that what he doubts to is the bond, the relationship between him and a person. I also see femine energy, big one. Oh ya, noted it, feminine doesn't have to be a girl or woman, it can be boy or man, because femine isn't gender, it's aspect of energy inside human being. So, i come to a conclusion that the person with feminine energy is Joshua himself. And the other person is with masculine energy, because there is 'The Sun' which is masculine. Joshua needs time to dive deep down to his soul to seek the truth behind his confusion.

ii). Seungkwan - 10 of Pentacles, Judgement, The Moon, The Wheel, The Hooded Man, Page of Bows

Seungkwan misses his home and his family. He misses some memorable moments with them. His feelings up and down, he becomes so sensitive and melancholic. He calls his family with hopes it'll help to release his home-sick. He can't spend much time with them during christmas, becuase he has to work and make his dreams come to manifest. He trys to conceal his feeling from others and act playful, cheerful, and passionate like usual.

4). Jun and Hoshi: Gemini

i). Jun - The Magician, The Hanged Man, Page of Pentacles, 6 of Bows, The Stag, King of Stones.

Jun's skill get blooming. He developes his vocal and dancing skill. This month will be a steppingstone for upgrading his level in this industry. And, i feel by the sixth month he will be bestowed with abundance in the form of projects. In the same time, there will be some toxic comments about him, but he's kinda immune with it, because he always follows the lead of his heart and intuition. By the end of 2020, he will be in the moment of stillness where he worries nothing, doubts nothing. He's fully surrendered himself to Universe/Time to show what will it be in the future.

ii). Hoshi - Page of Swords, The Tower, King of Swords, 6 of Bows, 10 of Bows, King of Bows.

Soon or later Hoshi, our tiger, will face 'The Tower Moment'. It is moment where his life start to change in sudden. Some unexpected events take place in his life. It changes how he thinks and see about life and others. He steps on new path and new journey to live. He will heal his wound (bad experience and memories) from past and relese them, so he can be the new version of Hoshi. He also got many responsibilities to carry on his shoulders. Maybe it will make him exaushted physically and mentally. But, no matter what he promises that will live his life gratefully, happily, and heartfully. And what will he get? Of course, abundance. The results never betray the efforts.

5). Wonwoo: Cancer

Pile: 8 of Wands, Temparance, The High Priestess, 8 of Vessels, The Wood Ward, 2 of Vessels.

OMG, i personally like it, and bit shocked. I sense big feminine energy, it associates with intuition, compassion, and caring and nurturing. Two of Vessels represents attraction, love, relationship, and harmony. And this card is empowered by Temparance, so i'm quite sure that Wonwoo has been balancing the aspect within him; cold-warm, ignore-care. He's no longer the 'tsundere' one, at least around this month. His affection to the one has been spreading until he concerns that could no longer be held back. IDK the one realises Wonwoo's feeling or not, but he's totally aware with Wonwoo's change by seeing him become more caring and soft. But you know, actually loving and caring, soft and warm  hearted are Wonwoo's nature that always there, never not. So, i can say, he doesn't change at all. I guess i know the one, but no, i'm not gonna tell it.

6). Woozi and The8: Scorpio

i). Woozi - The Moon, Knight of Pentacles, Page of Wands, The wheel, 4 of Arrows, 8 of Arrows.

I can feel hoe exausted Woozi is. He has worked hard, now he needs rest and leave his bussiness for awhile. It's good idea if he comunes with nature, either going to see beach or lake. It will heal him if he go somewhere with amount of water. I'm pretty sure he knew it and ready for it. But before going, he needs to get done his works and arrange the schedule.

ii). The8 - 9 of Cups, The Hermit, 4 of Swords, 10 of Stones, Knight of Arrows, Page of Wren.

Just like Woozi, The8 too needs some rest, but i sense that he no needs to go anywhere. What he needs is, to have some times with his mind by himself indoor, it could be either dorm or home. Basically, The8 is man of wide insight, so clearly he will spend time by reading some books that can improve his personality, awareness, and spiritual consiousness. And also, recalling all memories, good memories, about him achieving severel of his dreams and passions.

7). Mingyu: Aries

Pile: 2 of Cups, The Hierophant, Temperance, The Ancestor, The Sun of Life, The Stag.

WOW! It's sweet. Like i said in Wonwoo's reading, Two of Cups (Vessels) is about relationship, love, caring, nurturing, and harmony. And Mingyu's reading, Temperance also came out to be empowerment of Two of Cups. Meaning, the relationship is going balance; loving and caring each other, eventhough both keep it low-key and undercover, they tend to be not so obvious. By this, Mingyu has been going through new journey and new experience of life. He made decision by listening his heart, not what people say. I can see this beautiful love, but when i look deeply into their soul, they are connected by karmic debt. So, this relationship is part of karmic scenario. For Mingyu himself, if he can accept and embrace who he is, he will be awaken spiritually, if not even i myself don't know. Because i only see what i have to see.

8). Dk, Vernon, and Dino: Aquarius

i). DK - 2 of Swords, Page of Pentacles, 3 of Pentacles, 4 of Stones, Knight of Bows, Ace of Arrows.

DK will get two offers, which both of them are equally good. He will be so confused which one should he pick. Page of Pentacles is sign that whatever he will pick, it will be new source of money and popurality, which is projects or collaborations. If you DK's stan, please encourage him. DK is pure and innocent person, he really needs protection from others, because i sense an evil eye in the future. Maybe he will get scammed and used just because he's purely good person. He needs someone with very logic and realistic mind to always remind him to be careful.

ii). Vernon - 7 of Swords, 9 of Pentacles, The Devil, 4 of Arrows, 2 of Stones, Page of Stones.

Vernon is about to face new challenge and in this matter he's very newbie. He has no any significant experience with it. So he's very aware and careful doing this. Vernon's nature is abitious, passionate, and competitive. He like challenge and try something new. There are severel difficulties and obstacles. If he can conquer the difficulties and obstacles, he will bloom and show his new charm, of course everyone will be stunned.

iii). Dino - 10 of Swords, King of Cups, The Moon, The Journey, 7 of Bows, 9 of Stones.

Someone is about to pass away. I can't feel who he/she is, i guess it could be one of Dino's relative, and it makes him has to come home to attend the funerial ceremony. I see 13 and 9, i assume it as September, 13th. Deep down, i hope it's not true and not gonna happen. And here, Dino will be overheat, he has pushed himself too hard. His perfectionist sometime ends up like this, but he just enjoys the moment where he can't do anything, because at that time he can see himself so crystal clear and evaluate all that done. Dino likely is gonna have massive emotional turbulance and mood swing, but he's gonna bring them into possitive way. Many romantic songs/raps and sexy dances will be born out of it.

.

Huffttt... it's so exausted. FYI, i spent for about 5 hours to do this reading. So, i really really thank you for coming here and read my readings. Please kindly share to Carat friends or family. Love you!

[rinnysega]

“Mr. Smiles’ Circus”

I totally fell behind on a lot of my writings this month because I’ve been picking up extra shifts at work before my trip. But, I did manage to finish this one even though it was going on longer than what I’d originally planned. And what’s funny is I’d even planned to make it longer than it is, but due to time I had to trim it down. I’m just glad I’m posting something before I leave!

This is a gift fic for @clairjohnson because Mr. Smiles is one of my favorite clown ocs in the fandom, and I wanted to write something for him for a while now. Consider this though a warm up since I’m still nailing down his character, but I would like to explore more with him in the future. Enjoy!

Late, late, late…

What was it about humanity that made it so slow and trepid as the years passed? It used to be his victims would flock to his traps with a sense of curiosity and adventure, but lately they seemed so cautious and immune to his tricks. It left him starving. He’d already set the bait for his next meal in what felt like ages ago—a carefully woven dream left in the mind of one of the locals, and yet here he was, weeks later, without so much as an appetizer. How despicable.

It was late evening in 1985, and the twilight was hidden away, far beyond the forest. Mr. Smiles blew into a dirty old kazoo as he reclined back on a rusted metal beam, high above in the rafters his old circus tent. The center ring was barren, just several yards down below. A dull, monotonous sound that kazoo made. What a perfect score to how he felt: so bored and so hungry.

His leg hung idly over the side and swung slowly to and fro like a pendulum, highlighting just how long he waited.

He’d happened upon a young, sleepwalking child out late one night behind his house close to the outskirts of town. Watching him creep slowly about like a sick kitten, Mr. S had the idea to try setting up something new—something to entertain himself with while getting a fresh meal and cheap kicks. That night, he manipulated the boy’s mind and senses to dream of his circus. In his dreams, the boy could smell the dirt, the candy, the concessions, and the animals. He could hear the elephants, the laughter, the applause, and the music. He’d see his tent, the ring, and the ringmaster before him, and he’d have that dream again and again until that adventurous spirit would lead him right to his death.

Every day on the walk home after school, the boy would hear those familiar sounds, and smell those alluring aromas leftover from his mind’s eye. But as the days and weeks passed, he never went to explore and see the abandoned circus that awaited him, and as the clock ticked away, so did Mr. S’s patience.

He sat up and held the toy instrument between his fingers, fiddling with it as if it were a cigar. His teeth ached so badly, wanting nothing more than to sharpen and sink into a delectable morsel and appease his sickness. Perhaps time for experimentation was over and he’d rely once again on being an active predator and not resting until he got what he wanted. His stomach was surely on that side of reason.

With a grunt, he flicked the plastic toy from his hand and watched it clink and clang along the way down before landing with an echo on the floor below. Just then, he heard voices and shuffling feet.

“I heard something in the tent!”

Mr. Smiles sat up and looked down over his shoulder to the opening—where the curtains pulled in and wooden stakes nailed it to the earth. Darkness outside already covered his park like a sheet, but just there, at the lip of the folds, were several beams of lights, illuminating the way inside.

There were three of them, all children, holding lanterns and flashlights, and one of them was that boy he’d targeted.

His interest was peaked as he reclined forward to get a better look at them. Well, well, if this boy was going to keep him waiting for this long, it really was only polite to bring seconds and thirds, Mr. S supposed. He could forgive him for that.  

“Are you sure you heard something?” said the lone girl in their group. “I’m already feeling kinda sick being here. You said we’d only look around a bit.”

“It’s only been five minutes.”

“Five minutes is “a bit”.”

“Are you serious right now? We find an old amusement park and you want to bail? You said you’d come with me to look for it.”

“No offense, Dylan, but I didn’t think there’d actually be one.”

“Then why’d you say yes?”

“Cause I didn’t think there’d be one!”

Amidst their bickering, another, softer voice spoke up, and a third child pointed his light further inside. “Hey, guys? What’s that?”

The others shone their flashlights on the center ring, and all three went over to investigate what they’d found, Dylan leading the way. As the children stepped up onto the platform, their lights all shone on the abandoned kazoo.

“It’s not as dusty looking as everything else,” Dylan noted. “Is this what fell...?”

Before he could finish his sentence or even crane his head to look up, the bottom end of a walking cane sliced through the air and planted itself between them. The girl stepped back, fearful.

Their lights combined once more and followed up the long cane to see it reach all the way up to the rafters. At the top, holding the hooked end of the handle was a clown. He smiled down at them, seemingly amused by them as he stepped off the metal beam and glided with ease—hardly holding onto the thing at all.

“Spotlights? Oh, please, how kind of you. I’m flattered.”

He descended rather quickly and stepped down to join them before he flicked the cane, ever so slightly, to have it retract back to the small size of a wand. He tucked it away in his vest, hardly flinching at the brightness that now shone directly at his face. “It’s been so long since I’ve had an audience.”

“That’s the guy!” Dylan yelled to the others, as if unaffected by the sight of the man. “He’s the guy I was telling you about from my dream! It’s just like I said. I end up in this tent, and this guy’s here.”

“Yes, I’ve made dreams come true for many people, my boy, but so generous for you to take notice and come find me here. You can call me Mr. Smiles though, or Mr. S for short. After all, it’s been so long since I’ve put a smile on someone’s face, and that alone just makes me, mmm, frown.” The edges of his lips pulled down into an exaggerated look of despair.

“What’s wrong?” Dylan asked. “Are you in trouble?”

“Dylan…” The young boy tugged at his sleeve. “Mom said don’t talk to strangers…”

“He’s not a stranger, Kevin. He’s the guy in those dreams I’m having. I just told you.”

“He’s still a stranger.”

“No he’s not. It makes him a…a…”

“Premonition?” Mr. Smiles suggested, his mood lifted and playful.

“Huh?” Dylan turned his attention back to the clown before him. “I-I guess, but why am I having those dreams? Who are you?”

“Don’t you see how old my poor circus has become?” He stepped back and showcased his point with a wave of his hand. They held their flashlights in different directions, but each one only illuminated one broken down relic after another. “I haven’t seen a happy face in here in years. I’ve been long forgotten by everyone in town.”

“But don’t you live in Derry?” The girl asked. “You could just put an article in the paper.”

“He’s magic, April. Magic people are lonely and mysterious and don’t like other people and live by themselves. Is that right?” Dylan faced him again.

Mr. S simply shrugged. Who was he to argue with that logic?

“So that’s it then? You’re really magic?”

A long, painted smile gave him his answer.

“I knew you were the right one to hear my pleas,” Mr. S said. “Yes, both I and my circus are magic, sweet, sweet Dylan, and you have the power to bring that magic back.”

“I do? But in my dreams, I’m just enjoying the rides. What am I supposed to do to bring it back?” He spoke with the air of an army general—someone who knew his involvement was of the utmost importance, and Mr. S. couldn’t help but feel pity for the poor nobody who was delusional to think he was a somebody. But it made his job that much easier.

“The thing about magic is, you’d be surprised at what limitations you can break when given the opportunity.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means to enjoy my show. Let your imaginations run free while I entertain you. After all, a child’s happiness is what keeps an old man like me going. The more smiles and laughter I get, the more vibrant my circus will be, and in no time at all, the magic will be back and you three will be who I’m most grateful for.”

April pulled on Dylan’s sleeve to whisper in his ear. “This is like a fairy tale…” Her worry was starting to dissipate and Mr. S. could tell she was slowly getting on board with the little charade he’d set up for the three of them. And he really had to hand it to those modern movies that romanticized such things. Children who meet a whimsical, magical adult and after a short adventure, have a happy ending? What a perfect ploy to get easy food.

“Come now, children, let me see a smile.” He twisted his wrists and pointed at his own large smile in order to make them copy, and once their faces lit up with enjoyment, the circus dimmed to life and the ambiance was beginning to come to life.

“That’s it, now!” He took a step back and took his cane from his vest pocket again to hold up as confetti boomed and trickled down from the ceiling. Faint accordion music began to play as their smiles widened and hearts swelled. They were doing this? Just by smiling, they were seeing magic performed just before their eyes?

“I told you, this is real!” Dylan shouted in excitement, just as the jolly music went into full swing and lights danced around the show floor in colorful patterns.

“I don’t believe it.” April looked at the lights at her feet. “This is real. This is really real!”

“Have a seat and relax, and as a token of my sincerest gratitude, enjoy the first ever extravagant cavalcade of spectacular wonder, by yours truly himself, in over thirty years!”

Mr. Smiles tapped the cane on the floor and instantaneously, the circus erupted to an operation of show-stopping features the likes that no one’s ever seen. Right before their eyes, the arena lit up with more dazzling and vibrant colors that spread along the tattered curtains now patched and threaded as if brand new. The dust swept into the air and sparkled like glitter as shadows emerged to dance before them, followed by the real people themselves, as girls, clowns, and performers of all kinds greeted them throughout the entire floor with smiles and waves and choreography that would put anything on television to shame.

Dylan’s mouth hung open as he took in all the developing sights and sounds. A hand curved over his shoulder as Mr. S knelt beside him and hugged him close to admire his work with him. The pride swelling in his chest was a premonition in and of itself in what delicious fortune was in his near future. “Breathtaking, isn’t it?” he said.

“And you’re saying I did this? Just by me being happy?”

“With a lot of work done by myself of course, but yes, Dylan. It’s all because of you my circus is as alive as it was so many years ago, and I couldn’t thank you enough for that.”

“This is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I can’t believe you chose me out of anyone you could have picked.”

“Because why wouldn’t I choose someone with such a...noble heart such as yours?”

“Noble?”

“Or honest, loving…trustworthy,” the last word tasted good on his lips. “Take your pick of character, kid, but you are one special young man who came to my rescue. You’re really a lifesaver.”

Dylan immediately pivoted his feet toward him and hugged him around the neck, pulling him down into a tight embrace. He rubbed his face against his tufts of dark hair and whispered in his ear so the others couldn’t hear him in his small moment of vulnerability.

“You’re amazing...”

A soft patch of goosebumps ran along his arms as Mr. Smiles curved them around the child to return his hug, and Dylan pulled away from him just as firecrackers were set off, introducing the clown car now zooming out from behind a curtain with a cannon twice its sized hitched to the back.

“Oh, man!” Dylan shouted and pushed away from him to join the other two at the edge of the ring. They were in such awe of the spectacle unfolding now before them that they were unaware of a malicious grin forming on the ringmaster as he stepped back into the shadows and out of their sight…

“Look, fire breathers!” Kevin ran on one direction as April ran in another to look at the acrobats about to fly through the air.

A dozen dancers filled the room and crowded it like a ballroom with music and ribbon twirling underscoring the shouts of those about to swing into action. All three looked up in wonderment as those acrobats sprung to life up in the air, flipping and spinning and diving and catching one another as if effortless and second nature.

Lions and elephants stampeded into the rings by their masters, and just as their hearts raced with danger of being so close to such animals, three large muscular men carried them with ease to the bleacher seats to give them a front row view of the show. They lifted barbells as the clowns wheeled in on unicycles. They made balloon animals that seemed to float in the air without helium, and as they watched with laughs and joy, they were delivered in their laps hotdogs, popcorn, pretzels, and root beer floats.

“This is crazy…” April said to herself, but loud enough for the others to hear over the noise of the show now running on all cylinders.

“I know! I can’t believe it’s real either!”

“I thought you were crazy when you told us about your dreams, but it was a vision, Dylan! You had visions!”

“You know what this means?” He said. “I’m gonna tell everybody! Everyone’s gonna come here, and I’m gonna be a hero!”

“Cheers to that!”

The three of them held their root beer floats up to cheer together as the fire breathers dispersed from the rings and took positions at the exits...

“I can’t wait to show this to Dad, Kev.”

“I bet he’d like this place.”

“Me too.”

“Hmm…I wonder where that guy went,” Kevin said as he filled his mouth with another handful of popcorn. “I bet he’s real happy to see his circus like this again.”

“Are all these people even real?” April wondered. “They couldn’t be if it was just him here.”

“Weren’t you listening?” Dylan finished his hotdog in one more bite. “We did this. We made them all come to life. None of them would be here without us. They’re all illusions.”

“That’s amazing…” April’s smile fell after a few moments more. “But how could this place be forgotten in the first place?”

“I bet the Russians had something to do with it,” Kevin said. “Dad says they hate anything fun and American.”

April turned her attention to the acrobats and went into deep thought. “What if we stopped smiling?”

“Huh?” Kevin looked at her.

“If our happiness keeps it going, what happens if we just stop?”

Both boys stopped their smiling when the question plagued their minds as well.

“I don’t know…” Dylan trailed off. “Um…” He looked frantically around for the man from his dream—remembering that even then, that man was always with him. But here, in the real world, he was gone. He felt worried. “Hey...honestly though, where’s Mr. S?”

At the question, the music went into sharp and flat tones and made all three children hold their ears in pain. They looked up to see what was happening to the band, only to discover a field of horror being set into motion before their eyes.

The men holding the weights were suddenly crushed to death beneath them. The balloon animals had wrapped around the throats of their makers and strangled them to death. The clowns were death on the show floor, those painted smiles morphing into painted frowns.

Screams slashed through the broken music notes as the acrobats all fell to their deaths.

Stampeding elephants trampled the dancers.

Carnage exploded from the human canon and coated the dead bodies in the arena in chunks of blood and gore.

Lions were mangling whatever person so happened to be in their way, and the food that remained on their laps turned to ash.

“Guys!” April screamed as the three got to their feet.

The bleachers shook and fell apart beneath them, and Dylan, April, and Kevin pulled each other up to escape the collapse just as the fire breathers took their cues and all torched the exits to the tent.

They were trapped as the arena went up in flames.

As everything fell to shambles around them, the screams and flames overwhelming their senses, the children climbed back on top of the center ring to look all around them for a way out.

“Mr. S!” they all cried. “Mr. Smiles!”

Creeping hands of the nearly dying were grabbing at the ring to claw at their ankles, and lions and elephants were surrounding them and giving them no way out on either side.

“Mr. S!” they screamed louder. “Mr. S! Help! Make it stop! Make it stop!”

“What do we do? What do we do!” Kevin cried.

“Do we smile? I can’t smile! I can’t laugh! I can’t do anything” April screamed.

“This isn’t how my dream ended!” Dylan shouted to them. “This isn’t the ending to what was supposed to happen! Mr. S! Mr. S!”

“No, it’s not, is it?”

Mr. Smiles emerged from the floor before them, eyes yellow and burning with the light of the fire. He rose out of the smoke, and seemed to rise with the licking flames as he grew taller and loomed over them—his body curving above them like a bridge to protect them from the falling debris of his tent, but not from the saliva that dripped from large, protruding fangs.

Dylan fell back at the sight of him and his heart pounded, his muscles going numb.

“But this is my ending, children.”

When Kevin tried to run, Mr. Smiles’ large hand fell over him like a cat trapping a mouse, crushing him where he fell. When April cried and did the same, his other hand was there to meet her and end her with a squish to the floor.

And now alone was terrified little Dylan, still fallen over on his back as that devious grin descended upon him. In one last attempt to survive, he put his hands over his tearful eyes, and with heaving weeps, prayed that his friend from his dreams, this man he admired so much, was not this monster, and none of this was real, and how any moment he’d wake up again...

But he, nor any of them, ever would again.

[unicornninjabitch]

Me, sliding in with a slushee: sup I’m sad my dudes

Followers: we know and your poor attempts at humor aren’t a funny or good coping mechanism so just get on with it

Me, slurping my slushee: alright then I’ll ramble for a little bit

So I think I’ve lost weight recently, which I’m not super shocked by cause I just don’t eat alot and without someone asking me if I wanna get food I can easily forget to eat for like days at a time, plus I just tend to lose/gain a few pounds pretty easy. I just generally have a small appetite and I don’t really like eating by myself. I’ve pretty much always had issues with my body and weight and eating and food and stuff, I mean since I was a kid I’ve had troubles with this shit and I still do but it’s different now. When I was younger I just wanted to be “pretty” and get attention from people and have people see me as desirable/lovable/fuckable cause that would give me worth and the the only way to get those things was to get skinnier and be more attractive. Now I don’t think that way and I don’t put all my worth into other people’s views of me, but there’s other parts of me that still desperately crave for a flat tummy and a thigh gap and my collar bones to poke out and to just e small. Logically I know that’s almost impossible for me and it would be insanely unhealthy for me to be that thin, but there’s still parts of me that would kill for it. Plus I naturally have a smaller waist and its much more noticeable when I lose weight cause of how I hold fat I guess, so I have this huge like constant internal fight where it’s like Skinny vs Less Girly Figure and it’s kinda exhausting. I mean I really don’t want to constantly hate my body and I wish I could just be okay with what I have, but I’m not. For fucks sake I got to the point where now I don’t like even being near scales like I know if a scale says a number I don’t like I’ll feel like I’m not allowed to eat or I’m disgusting. And logically I know I’m not as big as I think I am like I know at most I’m kinda chubby, but another part of my brain only sees myself as some weirdly shaped baby whale who shouldn’t be allowed to eat because it needs to be smaller. Like as a whole once I came out as trans I kinda became more okay with my body weight wise, but every so often I’ll lose/gain weight and notice it in the mirror and have my Skinny vs Less Girly Figure and I just wish it would stop. I just wish there were one day where I could look in a mirror and say, “Hey I don’t hate who’s looking back at me”, but I can’t right now and I don’t know when I’ll be able to. I’m scared I’ll never be able to. I mean the idea of getting weighed at the doctors gives me so much fucking anxiety and makes me so uncomfortable. Like I would ask that they didn’t say it out loud and I look anywhere except the numbers cause I know no matter what it says if I don’t suddenly and magically like my body then I will 100% fall back into unhealthy patterns and I mean back in freshman year of high school I got like obsessed with it. I weighed myself almost everyday and I refused to eat more than x amount of calories and I let it basically consume me and dictated every part of my life. Don’t get me wrong I’m still overly critical of my body and the food I eat, I don’t think I’ll ever really love my body, I still have a bad relationship with food (if that even makes sense), and I still care way too much about my weight, but I do try to be better.

Also I’ve said before going from where everyone called me Alex to home where very few people even know I’m trans has been super hard on me and yeah that shit hasn’t gotten easier. Though I’ve kinda gotten used to it. Like I know I can’t be sad all day everyday cause of being deadnamed and misgendered all the time, but the getting used to it bothers me alot. Like hearing my deadname/deadnaming myself or whatever and it makes me uncomfortable, but it’s like I’m getting a resistance to it which for some reason makes me feel like I’m some how faking everything and it doesn’t help when I feel dysphoric or whatever. Like somedays I half regret coming out just because like I mean t and surgery-and fuck just legally changing my name seem so far away so like what’s the point, you know? Like it feels like no one will ever see me as a guy and some days it’s hard for me to see me as a guy so why the fuck do I bother? Why couldn’t I just get comfortable in the very back of the closet and just stay put? I mean it feels like coming out and all the anxiety that came with it was for nothing. Maybe it’s just that I’m still feeling some kinda way about how coming out went and how my mom still calls me her daughter or whatever, but I mean it all feels like it was pointless. I mean it feels like I’m on my way to just being a statistic and I wish I didn’t feel that way- god I wish I didn’t feel that way, but I do. It feels like in a few years I’m just gonna be a number about suicides or something. And there are some days/nights where if I could muster up the willpower to stand up I’d go back to cutting up my wrist, but I’m either that depressed or that tired from trying to convince myself that things will eventually somehow be okay that I don’t and I hate that my depression is what keeps me from going back to cutting myself. I really, really, really fucking wish I weren’t this sad and I wish I could wave a wand and be okay, but I can’t.

And my dysphoria has been just generally awful lately in like a bunch of ways. There’s the constant reminder in my chest and pants that’s slowly been driving me insane and a growing rate and there’s thinking I’m only allowed to date bi/pan people but at the same time feeling like I’m not man enough for anyone and there’s stupid shit that almost always makes me feel like “hey maybe mom was right maybe this is just a phase”. Which is fucking ridiculous cause I tried to wait it out like 3 different times and it never goes away and I mean now the idea of ever wearing a bra/dress makes me want to like hide under my bed or something. I know this isn’t a phase or me trying to be a *~special snowflake~* so how come I always go back to thinking that. Like my mom calling me my deadname or her daughter, obviously I got to grow thicker skin cause I can’t be in a constant state of like one foot off the room, but because I’m getting used to it and it’s taking longer for it to bother me I feel like I’m now faking shit. And I know it’s just me trying to protect myself, but it still bothers me I guess. I mean my mom’s reaction really fucked me up. Like instead of coming out on insta/snap I just deleted them and started new ones. I went back to my old therapist and I’m not even out to her cause I’m so scared of her reacting like my mom and I get scared literally everyone ever will react like my mom. I mean Thanksgiving I avoided my sister and yelled over her because I was so scared that my dad’s family would like yell at me or something and that would make my brothers/dad/step mom be like “Oh!! Yeah!! We were dumb you ARE just a silly little girl” and I couldn’t handle that. And idk a part of me wishes I was angrier at her or something, but another part says I should’ve saw this coming cause when I first started questioning my gender I brought it up to her cause I used to tell my mom everything and she seemed mad that I even thought I maybe wasn’t cis.

I don’t know I feel like I repeat myself in these a lot, but I don’t really know I was just feeling really sad and had to get some shit out I guess

[rangerwriting-blog]

Excuse me for being somewhat lazy on Headcanon Day this year, but I don’t feel like typing up anything super elaborate like I have the last two. I’ve just been really busy this week which is why I haven’t made any significant contributions yet.

Instead, enjoy some of my headcanon on the legendaries.

Luseli = Ho-oh Sunivel = Lugia Kabosul = Zapdos Ludeos = Articuno Nubehis = Moltres Veshana = Cresselia

Just a fair warning: it’s exceedingly heavy character analysis information. Very little makes sense without the full context as the primary reason for these existing is mainly for my reference when I get around to writing the stories.

I also included what I’ve dubbed “minifiles.” These are small tiny profiles that list all of the above information in one place.

Please note the legendaries weren’t “born” on the days listed; they were all created at about the same time. The astrology bit is really just for me to have no blank fields on the profile form. Plus, it’s a good exercise.

I won’t be making every packet available in the future, but I just wanted to share the full extent of the handful I have right now.

I know that, condensed, this doesn’t look like a lot of work, but each packet represents minimum 3-4 cumulative hours. So this is a minimum of 18-24 hours.

Also, sorry for the excessively tiny font, but keep in mind I have 66 of these things to eventually create, print off, and cram into binders. I’m trying to conserve space for when I reach that point.

If anybody’s curious about the full process:

It actually all starts with the questionnaire. That probably takes up the majority of the time because it’s the most tedious part of all of this. That represents a good 2-3 hours at least. This is because I do everything longhand. I just really dislike typing this on the computer directly, so I have to write it out with pencil and paper, then type it up, so you can see how repetitive answering the same 40 questions can get even with the vastly different answers.

Then comes all of the analysis stuff. Before I did these, I didn’t have a methodology but I do now.

I do the Multiple Intelligences next because that’s pretty quick. Maybe 10-20 minutes. The test I use is a PDF recreation of the Birmingham Grid for Learning. I used the Way Back Machine to tease out all the questions and recreated the scoring.

I do the MBTI next which is another maybe 10 minutes for the test itself. But if the character ends up borderline on two or more types, I can spend upwards of 30+ minutes combing through the profiles to extract the traits I see. Sometimes I come back to this part after I’ve done some more work with them. The test I use.

Temperament is usually pretty quick, about 5-10 minutes since I just have to look at the profiles and see what matches best. The site I use.

The next bit is one of my most hated bits: astrology. This doesn’t seem like it would be a big deal but looking at the section clearly reveals I choose everything down to the exact day.

This process is very long and involved.

First, I look at some basic profiles to get a feel for the signs and which element they might be. Then, I look at the more expanded profiles to determine which is best due to having greater detail.

A lot of the characters end up falling on cusps because I’m lazy.

What does this have to do with anything?

Well, the next thing I do is go to a site with those birthday profiles. If I’m dealing with a cusp, I have like 5-6 profiles to sort through which isn’t bad.

But when you’re dealing with a macro sign like just Gemini or Leo, that’s where the headaches start since there are about 30ish profiles to dig through.

If this ends up being the case, it can sometimes be 60+ minutes for this bit alone. Site 1. Site 2. Site 3.

The Empathy Quotient is another really short test, maybe 10 minutes. Same with the Self-Knowledge Traits. The test.

The Trait Sheet is another very involved process. I have two character trait thesaurses (Positive and Negative). From there, I do the negative traits which isn’t too bad. The positive traits are a bit of a headache since I write down the list of all the positive traits they have. I then go back and put them in the proper categories. Then I type it. That’s probably another 30+ minutes.

Wandlore is usually another very involved process that’s half logic, half intuition. (This is the wand information from Harry Potter if you can’t tell.) I used to just use a google document but I ended up printing out everything and putting it on index cards so I can flick through them physically. I go through cores (the three official ones, then over two dozen fanon ones), flexibility (all fanon), numerology (basis was given by JKR herself but I expanded on it), then the wood.

Sometimes this can be quick because I have a good understanding of the topic and characters and my intuition guides me to certain bits that just fit so perfectly. Other times, I have to sit there and deliberate for awhile.

All in all, this process can take anywhere from 5-30+ minutes depending on how many choices I end up with (usually the wood is what kills me because there are like 40 different ones I’ve collected).

Arcana is another thing that can be easy or teeth-grindingly frustrating. Yes, this is taken from the idea of the Persona series. If you’re familiar with Persona or the Tarot, you can see why this can be one of the most frustrating things.

For me, this is one of the most important since it is the absolute summation of everything the character stands for. This is usually the hardest thing to pin down after wandlore because of it.

I’ve become fairly familiar with a lot of the Major Arcana because of how much work I do with the Tarot for character analysis, but I still don’t understand most of them. Or sometimes I get so many that might be applicable that it’s difficult to know which one to choose. I often end up using dual Arcana (primary and secondary) because of two just fit so snugly together. (Luseli’s Devil/Temperance for example)

This isn’t even getting into times when none of the Major Arcana fit so I have to dig into the Minor Arcana. (Ludeos’ King of Cups and Veshana’s Queen of Wands for example)

Again, this process can take anywhere from a minimum of less than a minute to 30+. The site I use.

When it comes to the human characters, I’m going to add in another step of creating a personal timeline for them. Thankfully, that will just be a matter of copy-pasting from my Master Timeline. But that’s going to also be involved because of involving ~*~math~*~ to deal with my calendar system. I’ll also need to summarise any and all events, then type them up to be included on said timeline.

I didn’t do this with the legendaries because it’s pointless. They’re immortals, so I’m looking at them at the macro level. Digging as deeply into their psyches as I do Summer, Solana, or anybody else would just be even more time consuming and ultimately frustrating since there would never be an end. I have a lot of experience with immortal characters, so I know when and where to cut my losses on delving into their histories. A couple of major events are generally enough to get a good feel for them. (In this case: the founding of the Temple system following the war, the Civil Flame, and the Extinction (the events of the Hero.)) I wish I could go into greater depth, but it’s just not necessary.

....I guess I kinda failed in the “not wanting to type up something longwinded” thing huh

But yeah, there you go. This is the process I go through for character creation for Ranger stuff. It’s very tedious, time-consuming, and downright infuriating at times, but I end up with extremely fleshed-out, unique characters and come out with an individual comprehensive psychological profile which feels so rewarding to hold in my hands when I finish.

[impvarjack60]

18 Post Game Wrap Up Show

"Wait,.. I said WHAT?!" "To put it mildly, you said running today would be a bad idea, in the most vile and vulgar way possible." "Oh... We're going to have to apologize to them somehow." "We, Ms. Potty Mouth?! Do you have a mouse in your....... wait, never mind." She was still naked, and I didn't want to go there. "Ugh... I've never felt so sticky, or been so sore. Maybe we over did it a little?" She kinda' winced as she said it. "Ya think?!" We were young, and in love. We had newfound passion, and last night we had barely scratched the surface. Now we had to deal with the consequences. And we still had to deal with those steps. Another mistake we managed to make was not bringing the slings up, at least we could have kept ourselves from tumbling down the steps. But those went between our legs, and the prospect of having anything occupying that space made me shutter. We threw the sheets and our clothes over the side and let them fall to the ground. Then crawled our way over to the steps. It was like standing at the edge of a cliff. I decided to be chivalrous and go first. Ow-ouw-ow-ouw-ow-ouw all the way down for both of us, I never was so happy to be on solid ground. "Dibs on the tub." Said Anna. "Very well, you seem to be worst off." Then she whacked me in the arm, and I swept her up and gave a morning breath kiss. That's when you know you've arrived as a couple. You can stand in your side yard completely naked, hair that looks like you had a squirrel living in it, covered in goo, breath like a stale fart, and all you can think about is how much you love each other. We must've been quite a site......

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I guess they were starting to trust us more, the replicator had been adding items available to us. One of these things were art supplies. Anna took one of the leftover planks from the tree house build, and cut the ends off in a swirling pattern. Rosemaling. She was remembering more from her implanted life, I sometimes wondered what she'd be like around a welder. She took the scalpel and just touched it's surface and routed it with more rosemaling around the edges. In the center she spelled one word; 'Love'. She went to the replicator and ordered paints and brushes, along with some sandpaper. Dipping the brushes into the the routings, this paint was the best stuff ever, it came with a wand that you passed over it and it dried rock hard. Then she sanded what had slopped out of the routing, and finished it by giving it a clear coat.

"Hows this?, do you think the Zahir's will like it?" "I think they'll love it, Anna. You're very crafty." "Thank you. I think I'll do some of this for the house, I mean, if it's OK with you." She was asking my permission to girly up the place. When I was on earth, my home was quite stark- and frankly- I liked it that way. I was a minimalist and I think the Masters seen this, as this home reflected that simplicity. But this was our home now, and I was delighted with the prospect of our home having a woman's touch. "Yes, Anna. You have my permission to go nuts, and thanks for asking. All I ask is that you leave the storage room alone. I want a mancave that has some shred of masculinity, and another thing, don't put ANYTHING on my speakers." "Of course darling, thank you!" Then she gave me a big hug. Compromise. If we could keep this up, we could have the best relationship ever. But that has never happened with any couple in the history of the universe. Maybe because there's so much of me in her this works, but I can't help but think the day will come with a big blowup. Right now though, it's all hugs, kisses, and sweetness. Even in paradise flowers die......

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"Olaf." "Yes, Michael. What can I do for you?" Can you get a message to the Zahir's to come to dinner tomorrow evening, three hours before the rotation into night?" "A small social gathering based on the consumption of food. Excellent idea, Michael. Do you mind if I observe this firsthand?" "No, Olaf, I know you spy on us anyway." "I wouldn't put it that way, Michael. I merely wish to observe you." "I don't suppose you 'observed' us last night." There was that pause again. Anna had just stepped into the room, her eyes as big as saucers. "You hesitated." "I'm sorry Michael, but I do have a job to do- and besides- your performance last night was an excellent example of the human condition." "Olaf!!" Anna screamed. "That was a very personal moment! We're not some zoo animals meant for you to gawk at!" Sic'em Anna! She was very arousing when she stood up for herself. "Anna, one thing you must realize is there's a price for everything. Your very existence is based on preserving our races. If you don......" "Olaf, that is ENOUGH! Do as I asked, then power down. I'll deal with you later." I was basically telling the Masters to go fuck themselves. They needed us, and I'll lead a revolt if they ever threaten Anna or myself again, I don't care if they can read minds.

If your reading my thoughts right now, then you'll know I wouln't let you threaten Anna's life. Ever.

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"You know I'm very proud of you, the way you handled that back there. You stood up for yourself." We were just getting into bed, and were calling it quits early, the starlight just starting to fade. "Thanks, but I'm still pissed! How much do you think they watch us?" "Every single minute, of every single day." "You don't seem to be too bothered by this." "I'm a realist, Anna. Right now these beings have us by the short and curlies. This is their ship, and their habitat." The next thing I said would really ruffle her feathers.

"They made you, Anna. they made you. How do I know they wouln't take you away and dematerialize you. I can't bear the thought of losing you right now, so I'm willing to compromise my privacy. This place is the next best thing to being in Heaven, and I wouln't do anything to jeopardize this right now. Although I just told Olaf to go jump in a river, I'll have to apologize to him tomorrow."

"You're defending them?! I can't believe you right now! I'm sleeping somewhere else. Goodnight, Michael!!" "Anna wait, don't lea......" "Don't talk to me right now!" There it was, the blowup. Over something this trivial. Well, trivial to me anyhow. Earlier today I imagined all the animals of the forest in an circle underneath the tree house all cheering us on last night. And with the twenty thousand hours of porn that I've watched in my lifetime, thinking about the Masters huddled around a monitor watching Anna do the reverse cowgirl was kinda' funny. She did not see it that way, her feelings were crushed. But they were her feelings, this didn't come from me. Her thoughts are becoming independent. When I first met her- and the way she did the whole 'Stepford Wives' bit- I feared I was getting a robot. Now she's down on the couch fuming over being spied upon, and for what I said. I was using logic, and she was following her heart. This made me smile, and now I love her even more.

True love, that's what this is. It's finally happened for me. On this speck of dust floating among the stars, with the soft orange glow of the nebula streaming thru the windows, I felt so at ease, and sleep came.

 Well,... for a short time anyhow.

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"Are you awake?" She was practically rolling me over, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I am now." I was grinding into my eyes to fight the sleepiness. "I couldn't sleep, I kept thinking about what you said, and how you talked to Olaf. That could have been very dangerous.... and I.. just... can't... stay mad at you."

"That's the thing, Anna. This whole thing is very dangerous. We're in space, at the mercy of the Masters. A billion things could go wrong. I live with that fear every day. I have you, Anna. Right now you're my rock. I need you, do you understand? I NEED YOU!" I just couldn't hold back my emotions. Dammit! I really didn't need a moment of weakness. I got myself back together, took a few deep breaths and tried to tell her how I felt at the moment.

"Anna, you have no idea how glad I am that you got mad, even when you directed that anger at me. When I first met you, I though I was getting an automaton. A cardboard cut out Princess Anna of Arendelle. You're proving me wrong, and I couldn't be happier." "So you're not mad at me?" "How could I be?" "I still feel I handled this badly." "Anna, you handled it with your heart, I couldn't be more in love with you right now." "I'm so sorry." Then she gave me a big hug, and I gave her one back. We may have gone to bed mad, but the star did not shine through the window with us feeling that way. I drew her into the covers, spooning into her and stroking her hair. Then I whispered in her ear. "There will be many more times like this, we will live a very long time. Please, let's settle things before we go to sleep, there is no problem we can't solve, as long as we love each other." She turned to me face to face. We were just kissing for the better part of an hour, and stroking each other. Make up sex was completely out of the question, as that particular equipment wasn't functioning up to specs yet, and I've never been a big fan of that anyway.

I would really like to get some sleep, before that giant fusion reactor comes streaming through the window. We have a dinner party, and I have to apologize to Olaf, or cuss him out, we'll see how that goes.

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"Olaf, what the Hell? You don't ever threaten Anna,... ever. Do I make myself clear?" "First off, you didn't let me finish last ni......." "Your damn right I did not let you finish, she is very fragile. You do remember our first day? I'm sure you seen all that too." "Please Michael, just let me speak. I know all this looks very easy. But you must understand, this whole thing was a very difficult thing for us to undertake. Creating all the Hybrides cost us a great deal of our long accrued treasure. We were well aware of your mental stability. we had to be sure, you and the others of your species were right for us, and this mission. Please see this thru our eyes." "I've been tested, haven't I?" "Yes, and so far you've passed with flying colors, as you'd like to put it." There it is, now it's out in the open. I suspected this all along. I knew this was a trick that women back home used all the time, and I'd fail miserably,...all the time. But this time I was one step ahead of them.

"Ya' know what Olaf? I really don't care. You can spy on me and play your little games to your hearts or what ever keeps you alive content, I just don't care. But if you do anything that upsets Anna, I will smash you into a million tiny pieces." "That wouldn't do any good, Michael. The object you see is merely a drone, my being lies elsewhere." Way to go, asshole. Another clue.

"Have you thought about how much you've changed since you've been here, Michael? You came here as a timid loner, the very sight of Anna scared you near to death. Now look at you. You stood in front of a hundred and six complete strangers and gave them the most inspirational speech they've ever experienced personally in their lives. You've fallen in love deeper than with any female you knew on Earth. And knowing how omnipotent we are, you still told me to 'Go fuck yourself!' in so many words. That is an extremely brave thing to do. Would you have done any of these things on Earth?" Damn, he got me. Point, Olaf.

"Yes, Olaf. You're right. I've changed, and rather quickly, to boot. But the fact still remains that I will never, ever trust you fully, until you reveal yourselves. I want to shake somebody's hand, or flipper, or whatever. If I ever find out that Anna's accident was intentional, there will be hell to pay, I promise you." "I can assure you that was purely an accident, please watch." Now Olaf broke out something I haven't seen the whole time I've been here, their video technology. It was an overhead view, so I have to assume the cameras are mounted near the sky panels, yet another clue. I watched in horror as she danced down the limb and it gave way, her falling to the ground, and her screaming, it was gut wrenching. "Please, Olaf, turn it off." "Now do you believe me? These beings are a substantial investment on our part. We would not intentionally damage them to this extent in order to conduct a test." Price, cost, value. Didn't we just leave all that shit behind? Now I felt terrible. Anna was just a thing to them. She had a dollar amount attached to her. It reminded me of that joke I made at the meeting, she was repaired instead of replaced. She wasn't 'totaled' like in the car insurance vernacular. "Alright Olaf, that will be enough for now." "Is there something else bothering you right now?" "I just need some space, Olaf." "Very well, call me if you need anything." I never even acknowledged him. I decided to just go for a walk, alone.