#so help me idk how to make a cut on mobile I am truly sorry for all the scrolling byeeee

[asamiontop]

“Lena, you can’t.”

Lena stopped. Her whole body went eerily still as tension coiled out of sight in her shoulders, her neck, her back. Even her ponytail seemed to tighten as the words echoed in her head, Kara’s normally gentle, indulgent voice taking on that glint of steel that Lena, until recently, had associated exclusively with a completely different person.

She whirled and took two threateningly sharp steps towards the reporter. Her pursed lips, the twitch of a perfectly manicured brow, the subtle flexing of her jaw… it landed perfectly. Lena’s expression of barely concealed ire was a blade honed to perfection, designed to make men wither before the look alone lest she unleash something far more terrifying. Kara shrank beneath it like everybody else. Maybe more.

“What do you mean, I can’t?” Lena spat.  Most people who had ever insinuated that Lena Luthor could not do something wound up finding themselves frighteningly wrong, frighteningly quickly. Kara knew that.

“It’s just—it’s dangerous.” Kara entreated, sufficiently cowed by the wrath radiating off of Lena in waves.

“I’m perfectly aware of the risks associated with the misdeeds of my own family, Supergirl,” Lena stated coolly, her voice snagging on the name that contrasted so nauseatingly with the nondescript cardigan and slacks and glasses standing in front of her. “It has never stopped me before. This time is no different. Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

She spun on the ball of one stiletto and made to stride towards the door. A hand caught her around the wrist. Warm, dry, careful, even as it caged her as unmovably as iron.

“Lena, please.”

Once more, Lena turned to face her intruder, or guest or whatever. She knew fury was alight in her eyes, knew she couldn’t hide it from the gently beseeching blue that met her. So she let it simmer and dared Kara to look, to face it directly.

“Please,” Kara repeated, just above a whisper. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

In a most un-Luthor-like show of weakness, Lena snorted. She glared at the place where Kara’s fingertips seared like brands on her skin, setting her veins aflame with equal parts rage and longing. She had a facade of loathing to maintain, so she allowed poison to spill from her lips. “That’s rich, coming from you.”

Kara should have released her. Lena had meant for the comment to burn, to make Kara feel the touch the same way she did. But Kara merely followed her gaze, forlorn and regretful. Then she loosened her grip and shifted it with a slow, devastating slide to rest neatly around Lena’s hand. On the way, the pads of fingers traced featherlight paths of fire down the inside of her wrist, tripped over the tendons at the base of her palm, and lingered on her rapidly heightening pulse.

Mortifyingly, all Lena could do was struggle to keep breathing and control the traitorous sigh that wanted to jump from her mouth to land encouragingly against the shell of Kara’s ear. Just as she was about to succeed in wrangling her body’s inconvenient reactions, Kara mirrored the motion with her other hand, reaching for the wrist that had been free from her grasp.

Lena swallowed hard, kept her throat from whimpering and her knees from wobbling, and raised her chin defiantly.

“Lena…” Kara’s eyes were so stupidly, frustratingly earnest. All misty and clear and pointedly difficult to ignore. “I never want to see you hurt. I never wanted to hurt you. I know that I did and I know that it’s unforgivable, but that doesn’t mean you should throw yourself into danger now.”

“Like I said, Kara,” Lena pretended to struggle against the Super’s grip, a little white lie to convince herself she’d put up a fight as Kara besieged her defenses with nothing but gentleness. “I’ve been walking into danger for years now. Because of you and despite you. This is no differ—”

“It is different!” Kara’s volume rose on a cry and her fingertips tightened around Lena’s hands. The Luthor could do nothing but blink at the crystalline fire blazing back at her, the fingertips pressing desperately into her palms.

Kara turned her face away, viciously worrying her bottom lip, sucking in watery breaths and blinking so hard that those crocodile tears Lena had sworn to hate tumbled haphazardly down her cheeks. Lena’s chest shuddered painfully and she watched mutely as Kara fought to regain control after her outburst.

When she turned back, her eyes were red-rimmed and bluer, somehow. Lashes wet, her eternally light mascara just barely smudged. “It’s different, now,” Kara admitted feebly, staring at their semi-joined hands. “Everything is different.”

“Yes, well,” Lena sniffed haughtily, prepared to deliver a dark ‘who’s fault is that,’ and yet her unruly mouth changed course at the last second and she muttered instead, “things may be different between us, but the threats we have to face have not changed. Neither can we.”

She’d sounded much more placating than she’d meant to. Much kinder, as well. It was embarrassingly damning but, miracle of miracles, the kink in her armor seemed to have gotten through to the Kryptonian. Kara looked back up at her, an endearingly persistent tear dangling from her eyelashes. Lena’s fingers twitched with the urge to wipe it away and she almost snatched one of her hands out of Kara’s grip so she could smack it across the back of her own offending digits.

“I can’t,” Kara blinked mournfully and the tear dropped away. She shook her head, pitiful as Lena had ever seen her. “I can’t.”

Well. At least it was a better tune than you can’t.

“You can,” Lena urged, exceedingly gently. She lured Kara’s eyes to hers with the pretense of kindness, pinned her with an almost tender gaze for a fleeting second—a manipulation, Lena reminded herself, not an indulgence—then let her eyes harden. “You can and you will.”

With that demand she jerked her hands in the direction Kara was pulling her, an old self-defense trick, and then away. Some self-assured part of her knew the Kryptonian would release her before ever physically causing any pain. (The cognitive dissonance of that certainty with the barbs she’d thrown at Kara and the heartbreak she’d experienced by her hand was something Lena had become practiced at ignoring.)

But Kara didn’t let go. She followed Lena’s movements to minimize the forcefulness of her decision, but kept her in an iron grip. For a nanosecond, Lena experienced something akin to fear. Kara hadn’t even flinched. It had taken her more conscious effort to make sure Lena wasn’t harmed than to keep her rooted in place.

It was extra embarrassing then, that after the spike of cold dread that shot down her spine, a soft swipe of Kara’s thumbs across the back of Lena’s hands was all it took to soothe her. Even more mortifying that when Kara’s voice lowered and she declared, gravelly and rough, “I won’t,” that Lena felt the assurance somewhere distinctly inappropriate and south of her stomach. “I won’t let you go, Lena.”

Indignant, exhausted, and now decidedly late to her engagement with her villainous brother, Lena lost her patience. “And why the hell not?”

“Be-because…” Kara faltered. Her brow crinkled and her mouth opened and closed blankly and she bit her lip again, turned it vibrantly pinker. “Because it’s different no—”

“Yes, yes, Kara.” Lena’s eyes rolled. She was beginning to lose her grip on the finer points of her Luthor upbringing but what the hell, Lillian wasn’t here to see it. “We’ve established that things are ‘different’ as you say.”

Lena leaned forward into Kara’s space, glaring up at her too-blue eyes and spun gold hair and offensively perfect face. “But let me make something very clear. Nothing has changed for you.” She paused to let Kara choke on that for a second, resumed just as the Kryptonian was about to protest.

“You’ve known who I am this entire time. Known more about me than most, I might add. You knew, every time I stepped in to help Supergirl and the DEO, exactly who it was that was standing in the line of fire to save your sorry ass. And all of this time it never bothered you, not once, that I was putting myself in danger.”

Kara pursed her lips, her eyes wide and panicked, and swallowed dramatically.

“What is different,” Lena continued, willing herself to stay cold, “is that now I know who you are.” She imagined herself stabbing an accusatory finger in the center of Kara’s chest. “I know now that the person who went behind my back, who mistrusted me for no other reason than my name, who enlisted the people I cared about to betray me was also the person who once made me feel the safest I’d ever felt.”

Hm. That wasn’t supposed to have slipped out that vulnerably. Lena shouldered past it.

“I know now that the person who believed in me, who I’d grown to care for, to lo—” she halted abruptly. Evidently this was the time many of her little boxes decided to eagerly try to slam themselves open. Lena needed to get a hold of herself. She cleared her throat. “The person I loved as a dear friend, was the same one that Reign almost killed. The same one that risks her own life day in and day out for the people of this city.”

If anything, Kara only looked more confused now. Lena was, admittedly, confusing herself a little bit, letting unmoored and unresolved feelings get the best of her. She had to haul her small tirade back into control.

“Surprisingly, that was one of the most difficult parts of your little revelation,” she sneered, “realizing that someone I lo—” damnit Luthor, get a grip, “that someone important to me, had been on the brink of death so many times and I hadn’t even known. I hadn’t even been given the chance to care.”

Lena shook her head, shrugged as if that fact hadn’t gutted her repeatedly and left her in a drunken stupor for days. “What really helped me overcome that hiccup was you,” she added, sickeningly sweet. “When I realized that you, Kara, were watching me do the same without batting an eye. Without caring at all.” Lena snarled, refused to let Kara eke out her adamant refusal. “I figured, if Kara can do it, then so can I. Why should I care when she doesn’t?”

Lena chuckled darkly. “You see, Supergirl… you—as the ultimate role model for how indifferently you and I should treat one another—have absolutely no excuse to flutter in here and tell me what I can and cannot do. Nothing has changed for you.”

She made to pull her hands away once more, with measured, deliberate finality. This time, Kara allowed her to slip through her fingers. One inch, two… a few more and Lena would be free to go handle the latest crisis and then hide away in the bottom of a bottle after this soul-crushing conversation.

At the very last second, Kara latched back on. She closed her hands around Lena’s fingertips and, with barely any pressure, froze her to her spot.

“That’s not true,” Kara argued weakly. “It’s… it’s not true. I always cared Lena.”

“Well,” the young Luthor huffed, “regardless of whether or not I believe you. If you cared then and you claim to care now, still nothing has changed. Let me go.”

“No,” Kara persisted. “It’s a trap, Lena. You’re going to get hurt. Or worse, he’ll take you or, or, kill you—”

“And why do you care?!” Lena finally broke. Her voice cracked on her yell and her eyes began to burn. “You never stopped me before, never hesitated to come ask me to intervene or—”

“Because I didn’t know what it was like to lose you!” Kara snapped back and Lena’s mouth snapped shut. Kara blinked intently at her for a few moments, shocked into silence at her own admission, long enough for it to settle heavily over them both.

When she spoke again her voice was soft, broken. “I… I was awful. And selfish. And a lot of things I will regret for the rest of my life. And I told myself it was all for the best, because I was scared of losing you. There was this vague idea in my head of how horrible it would be to not… to not be a part of your life anymore.”

Lena scoffed. She’d heard this before. Kara only squeezed her fingertips entreatingly and continued.

“But then… then you found out and we fought and I… Lena, I had no idea. I had no idea how much—how much it could hurt. When Mon-El left Earth I… I was sad but I wasn’t devastated. Losing you, hurting you, broke me in a way I’ve never felt before.”

Lena tensed all over, bracing herself against the confession. Her jaw went tight, her nostrils flared, her chest shook but her heart, traitor that it was, slammed hard against her ribcage trying, against her best efforts, to get to Kara.

“I can’t begin to imagine what I would do if I lost you for good,” Kara added miserably. “I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself… or the world… if I lost you before I got the chance to… to try to fix this.” She stepped forward and looked imploringly into Lena’s eyes.

“I want to fix this, Lena. Us. Whatever it takes.” Kara’s hands grew bolder, wriggled up to fully envelop Lena’s once more. “I’ve never felt this way about another person. And maybe that’s why it took me so long to recognize it. Maybe that’s why it took losing you for me to really understand how much you mean to me.”

Shakily, Kara released one of Lena’s hands. Then, achingly slowly, she raised her fingertips—up, up, up until they hovered a breath away from Lena’s jaw. She paused, giving Lena a chance to retreat from the touch. Hopeless as she was, Lena didn’t budge.

Hopeless as she was, Lena leaned weakly into the cradle of Kara’s palm when it curled delicately around her cheek.

Kara’s thumb traced a wet arc over her cheekbone and Lena’s eyes fluttered closed. She felt the gentle, damp press of its pad at the quivering corner of her mouth. Still, she didn’t recoil. Still, all her heart screamed for was more.

Kara puffed out a breath cracked with relief and disbelief. “I love you, Lena.”

Piece by piece, Lena crumbled. The kinks in her armor became chips, became fissures and rent her into pieces. She had so much vitriol stored up to launch at Kara in response to that confession. So much hurt, turbulent and vengeful, roiling in her gut and so much anger, lack of understanding, disbelief.

But all she could muster was a defeated “damnit, Kara” and a watery sob before collapsing into the safety of the blonde’s arms. Because what’s a soul to do when it hears the siren call it’s been yearning for from the person who unwittingly brought it to life?

Kara caught Lena against her chest, shifted to ease the blow and enveloped her instantly. She cupped the back of Lena’s head, tucked her other arm around her shoulders and held as tight as she probably dared.

As she stained Kara’s cardigan dark with her breakdown, Lena became aware of a cheek pressed into her temple, tender fingers stroking her hair, and a gentle shuddering of Kara’s shoulders as the reporter, too, lost her composure.

Lena lost track of how long they stayed that way, how long it took for the feeling of imprisonment to fade beside the blinding relief she felt within Kara’s embrace. She cried and cried and wrinkled Kara’s clothes in her fists and, damn everything, felt like she’d come home.

“This doesn’t fix anything,” she hiccuped.

“I know,” Kara murmured into her hair.

“‘I love you’ doesn’t fix anything,” Lena insisted, still indignant.

“I know, I know,” Kara keened mournfully, “and I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for saying it, I’m sorry for not saying it, I’m sorry for everything, Lena. I love you so much. I want to stop hurting you. I want to put the pieces back together, however you’ll let me. Please, Lena. Please let me.”

Kara was sobbing now, begging and pleading into Lena’s hair and for all intents and purposes, on her knees for the young Luthor.

And Lena could cite Kara’s weakness, her prostrating herself at Lena’s mercy, for what she did next. She could cite it, but she’d be lying. Because it was the confession that dislodged something jagged and bleeding from Lena’s heart. Three basic, overused words that cut through all the gnarled twists and turns of her and bared the knotted, aching, nerve that held the truth of it all.

“I love you too, Kara,” Lena mumbled near inaudibly into the soft wool. Near inaudible was plenty audible for a Kryptonian.

Kara reared back, wild-eyed and stunned. She stared at Lena intently, shocked and speechless and heartbreakingly hopeful. Her mouth twitched silently around a ‘what’ of impossibility, so Lena beat her to the punch.

“I love you, too,” Lena repeated, watching the blue of Kara’s eyes illuminate with the words. She opened one of her hands and set it to rest over the thundering in Kara’s chest with a faint, blooming smile. “‘I love you’ doesn’t fix anything, but it’s a start.”

[thran-duils]

When the Truth Comes Out (P.1)

Title: When the Truth Comes Out (Part 1) Summary: Reader/Professor Novak. The reader is in graduate school and has fallen into a surreptitious relationship with her married professor. Professor Novak is educated, handsome, and fascinating. But he has an issue of drawing healthy boundaries for him and the reader. And it all comes to a head when their secret is found out and everything has to change. Words: 2,143 Warnings: Smut, ***ANGST***, infidelity, emotional abuse, eventual happiness(?idk if it’s super happy but lmfao)

Chapter Two || Fanfic masterpost || Masterpost (mobile)

Professor Novak’s hands moved up your sides, lips smashed together. His arms wrapped around you, holding you close as he drove up into you.

You leaned back, biting your lip, feeling him inside. Your hand finding a pile of papers that slid out from beneath your weight, causing you to yelp as you started to fall back. Novak’s grip tightened instantaneously on you, jerking you back up.

“Your desk is a mess,” you teased breathlessly, rolling your hips to him.

“I think we are looking at the culprit for that,” he husked in return, his lips finding yours again.

You smiled against his kiss, your hand finding bare desk this time to avoid another mishap. It was true; you had been bent over his desk only moments before and you had succeeded in knocking over his pens to start with when your hands reached out for grounding. Now his papers, whatever they were. He would collect them later.

A vacuum started down the hall and he froze, fully seated inside you.

You turned your head, just as shocked as he was.

“Shit, it is Tuesday, isn’t it?” he hissed, drawing your attention back.

“What does that mean?”

“Janitor is in the building on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays.”

“They probably have headphones in,” you tried to reassure him, running your hands down his arms.

Novak shook his head. “That’s not the problem. How are you going to get out of here without being seen? It’s damn near eleven o’clock.”

“I’ll crawl out of the window,” you whispered, a hand coming down to grip his ass. You just wanted him to continue.

He shot you an annoyed look, “We are on the third floor. Nice try, Y/N.”

“We’ll figure it out after,” you pouted, rolling your hips to him again, sighing softly feeling his cock brush inside you. “Please.” You batted your eye lashes, giving him doe eyes.

It worked; he fell into your rhythm. And soon he had you laying back on your back as he plummeted into you. His hands held tight as they cupped underneath your thighs, his eyes hooded with lust watching your breasts bounce. You touched yourself, biting your lip at him sensually as he locked his gaze on the movement. When your back arched as you saw stars, you whimpered, trying to keep quiet.

Novak followed and his hands planted on either side of you on the desk as he held himself up from collapsing onto you after he had emptied himself. You lazily reached up, running your fingers gently through his hair. He hummed in approval and you massaged softly, helping him to come back down.

He leaned down, giving you a long, deep kiss. “You are lovely,” he breathed.

“You flatter me,” you whispered in return, a grin despite yourself.

Pulling away, he told you, “I mean it.”

You knew he did. He was risking a lot sleeping with you, stealing kisses and time with you when he should be at home. Let alone the scandal it might cause that he was with a student, no matter if you were in your mid-twenties now, in grad school. You had really nothing to lose reputation wise; you would not face the bigger repercussions. He had reminded you time and time again to be quiet about it, saying he did not want you to betray him.

Sitting up, you suddenly took notice that the vacuum sounded more distant.

“Hmm, seems the janitor went upstairs. See? They were wearing headphones.”

“Yeah, luckily it is Tuesday and not Thursday. They come in to vacuum the offices then and that would have put us in a very precarious situation.”

“Truly,” you agreed, sliding off his desk and reaching for your clothes. You dressed quickly, knowing that this was the opportunity for you to sneak out of the building. He was doing the same, gathering up his things.

You bent to pick up his papers and he waved you off, “I’ll do it in the morning. Don’t waste time.”

Shrugging, you straightened back up and went to go snatch your purse off the ground by the door. When you stood back up, Novak was by his desk, holding out a bill towards you.

“Take it.”

“Are you… paying me now?” you asked, unable to think if you should feel offended or amused.

Novak looked unamused himself and he told you firmly, “I saw you eating ramen in the dining hall.”

Realizing he was giving you grocery money, your annoyance melted away. You stepped closer, “You ‘saw’ me?” He said nothing and you smirked, imagining him watching you. You knew he kept an eye on you and happened to show up where you were at times. You had caught him before, giving him mischievous smirks across the green, across the room, to let him know you saw him. He had told you he needed to watch out for you, that you were at risk of being swept away from him. You had laughed when he told you that, but you knew he was serious; he had accused you once of taking a boy back to your dorms from one of your classes; he had seen the two of you leaving the student union, walking close together. He had been actually envious. You knew it was frankly unfair he would be upset about it if you had since he was married. But, you enjoyed the way he coveted you too much.

You still had not taken the bill – you could see it was a crisp hundred though. Squaring your shoulders, you asked, “What if I just like ramen?”

“I don’t care,” Novak stated. “You should be eating better. And I know the refund checks aren’t coming for another week.” You narrowed your eyes slightly, still not moving. You loved teasing him, knowing you could get under his skin. All that power was intoxicating at times. He rose his eyebrows and ordered, “Y/N, take it.”

Sighing dramatically, you said, “Fine” as you grabbed it from him. “Thanks. I’ll be sure to buy some broccoli and spinach to go in my ramen.”

“Y/N,” he warned, and you grinned widely at him as you stuck the money into your pocket

“Yes, dad, I’ll eat better.”

“’Daddy’”, Novak corrected you, his lip upturned into a small smirk.

You chortled and said, “Yes, ‘daddy.’ I’ll make sure to stay healthy for you.” You added playfully, “You know you’re only 35, right? I mean, technically, you could be a daddy but –”

“Enough,” Novak cut you off, ushering you towards the door. He needed to go with you to lock the building door behind the two of you. “They are on the next floor. We need to go before they come back down.”

As you opened the door, you smiled to yourself, knowing he did not want you to tease him for his kink. He followed at your back, locking the door behind you, and ushered you forward again in hushed tones. You smiled, feeling the danger of the situation. The two of you slinking around in the dark to escape the building, hiding your midnight tryst.

<> <> <>

Castiel texted you while you were in class, asking you to come to his office at 3:00pm. When you had seen the text, you were confused. It was the middle of the day, so unless he had gone off his rocker, it not a booty call. You did not have a class with him, so it was nothing to do with academics.

Walking across campus, you racked your brain thinking about what could be going on. His father was sick. You prayed nothing had happened with him, that would devastate Castiel.

You two had been seeing each other – still in secret, of course – for over a year and a half since that night escaping from the janitor. That put you at almost two years counting the time before then. What had started out as sex had blossomed into something deeper. The first time you had called him by his first name, it was real… the dynamic change in the relationship was real. The declarations of love came next. The two of you confided in each other, sharing intimate things. It was hard to explain to your roommate why you never brought anyone home from the bar.

Knocking twice on his door, he beckoned from the other side to come in. You moved into the office, cheeks flushed from the chill outside, hair windswept. Closing the door, you blurted out, “What’s up?” as you turned back around to look at him.

Your face fell for only a few seconds before you composed yourself again; he looked wrecked. His sweater was wrinkled – so unlike him – and he looked like he had not slept. You thought the worse, your mind going back to his dad.

“She knows.”

Forehead creased in confusion, you asked, chuckling nervously, “Am I supposed to know who ‘she’ is?”

“My wife. She knows. About us.” Your face fell immediately as the gravity of the situation fell on you. He exhaled shakily, rubbing his hands up his face roughly, pulling at his hair at the end. He shook his head and said, “She suspected something, she said. So, she looked at my phone.”

“She knew your password?”

Castiel shot you a reproachful look that made you want to recoil. “We’re married, Y/N. We know each other’s passwords.” The way he said it made it sound like you were stupid. “Not sharing that with her would have been suspicious.”

“Sorry,” you muttered, avoiding eye contact. “I just didn’t know.”

Castiel sighed again and said apologetically, “I know. I’m sorry. I’m just…” he trailed off. He paused before saying, “Thankfully she doesn’t know who you are. She didn’t see any of the pictures. And I don’t have your name saved as the contact.” You understood that; you had his number under an alias as well. “She just saw…. our texts. From two days ago. She didn’t even read them all… she said she couldn’t. She only saw a few. But… me saying ‘I love you, night’ confirmed everything.”

You swallowed sharply, not knowing what to say. He was waiting for you to say something though, he was staring at you.

“So. What happens?”

“I fix it. I have to… I can’t leave her, Y/N,” Castiel told you, sounding strained. He could not keep eye contact with you. You felt like you had been hit by a freight train, staring at him in shock. He exhaled sharply at your expression and said exasperated, “Christ, Y/N. Don’t look at me like that.”

“How do you want me to look at you?” you snapped, trying to hold back the tidal wave of emotion welling up inside of you.

“She told me she was pregnant!” Castiel barked, and then closed his mouth, knowing he was being louder than he should be. There were so many people in the building, including in offices nearby. You could not help your mouth fallen open though. They had been trying, but she had not gotten pregnant for years. “She was saving it. The surprise.” There were tears forming in his eyes as he shook his head, letting out a small laugh void of humor. “We’ve been trying for so long. And… it has to all happen like this.”

“’Like this’,” you echoed, catching his attention. “So, that’s it then? We’re just…”

You trailed off, not being able to finish.

Castiel stood up from his desk now, coming around it to you. His hands cupped his face and as much as you wanted to shove him away, you did not. You craved his touch, you wanted to be comforted.

“No. I mean, I don’t want that,” Castiel told you tearfully. “We just need to… back off for a little bit.”

“How long?”

“I don’t know, Y/N. I-I don’t know.” He looked at a loss. Choking back tears, you looked away from him. “Hey, look at me.”

Shaking your head, you shoved him away. He looked shocked, his jaw going slack. You wiped angrily at your eyes, trying to hide all evidence of tears threatening to spill over.

“No,” you told him angrily. “That’s not fair. You don’t get to ask me to just wait around for you to get your shit together.”

“Y/N, now don’t—” There was an edge to his voice, a switch in his demeanor. He was going to try to persuade you to be docile about it, as he always did, but you were not hearing it.

Turning around, you flung the door open and stormed out, leaving it open behind you. You did not know if he called out after you because all you could hear was a roar in your ears, just wanting to get out of that goddamn building and be back in your room.

~~~

CASTIEL FOREVER TAGS: @willowing-love @perseusandmedusa @greenappleeyes @afanofmanystuffs @earthtokace @shikaros-blog @marisayouass @splendidcas @stixnstripesworld 

[enviedear]

dracodear’s lucky number sleepover & writing challenge !

alright y’all... this is just too adorable. 

first ⌙ thank you all so much for following me and sticking with me. i know i kinda suck at uploading sometimes but everytime i do you guys are so supportive. i can’t believe all of you actually want to be a part of my rambling lol.. but nevertheless i am so damn touched. thank you to everyone who’s following me.

second ⌙ this truly is so stupid of me but 444 is my luckiest number. i love the number 4 and idk to just come across this was adorable to me. also it’s an angel number and i really need some of that in my life rn lol. 

third ⌙ welcome to the sleepover! stick around a while ;) under the cut will be everything i’m doing for this sleepover as well as my writing challenge ! don’t worry the rules will be under as well. i really hope you participate :)

all the kindness,

dracodear

 ⇣ sleepover ⇣

send as many as you’d like, loves 🥺

🦋 ⌙ headcanon request 

🐨 ⌙ i’ll make u a mini playlist

🐬 ⌙ ask me anything (about myself, fics, or the world)

🍄 ⌙ i’ll ship you with a character from mcu or hp (add a few things abt yourself pls)

🪐 ⌙ send a character from mcu or hp and i’ll give u a fic rec

⇣ writing challenge ⇣

RULES ⇢

⌙ you don’t have to follow me to partake (but i’d love for you to)

⌙ reblog this post if you’re participating

⌙ fics can either be reader insert or oc’s

⌙ can be one-shots, series, or drabbles

⌙ please tag me ( @dracodear​ ) in your completed fic, along with the hashtag #dracodears444challenge. just so i can keep up with everything.

⌙ if you’re writing on mobile pls disregard this one. but if your fic is 1k words or more try and use the keep reading tab.

⌙ if you’re going to write nsfw content that’s perfectly ok ! just make sure to tag accordingly and nothing that goes against my guidelines

⌙ you can write for any harry potter or mcu character you’d like

⌙ send me an ask or pm detailing which prompt you’d like and for whom. 

⌙ once your fic is done and i’m tagged i’ll reblog, comment, and like + add u to this post

⌙ it’s two people per prompt and two prompts per person

⌙ once a prompt has reached the limit i’ll mark it out so make sure to look at the updated list

⇣ prompts ⇣

fluff ⇢

1. “i’ve loved you the entire time!”

2. “your eyes shine like the stars.”

@letssingintherain ⇢ draco x reader

- starstruck

3. “you’re perfect. in every way.”

4. “i’m going to kiss you if you don’t listen.”

5. “you’re too good for the world.”

@rip-us​ ⇢ george x reader

6. “sorry.. i can’t take my eyes off of you.”

7. “your lips are softer than this blanket.”

8. “my heart only beats for you.”

9. “i can’t feel my arm but i’m glad you slept well.”

10. “you’re my sun and i revolve around you.”

11. “there is no greater honor, than to be yours.”

12. “i’m so in love with you it scares me.”

13. “your wish is my command.”

14. “do you know how much you mean to me?”

15. “kiss me again and i’ll tell you.”

@boyruins ⇢ harry potter x reader

angst ⇢

1. “you’re not sorry.”

2. “i can’t believe i trusted you.”

3. “i moved on a long time ago.”

4. “you’re not who i thought you were.”

@louvrr​ ⇢ draco x reader

5. “don’t you dare tell me you ever cared.”

6. “even with all this you can’t see how much you’ve hurt me.”

7. “she/he isn’t just a friend.. is she/he?”

8. “i’ll never speak to you again.”

9. “no one cares. no one has cared. can’t you see?”

10. “you’re pathetic.”

11. “just let me help you!”

12. “i don’t believe you.”

13. “i’m leaving because of you.”

14. “you’re hurting me.”

15. “you were gone and i never missed you.”

songs ⇢

1. don’t wanna fall in love ⇢ kyle

2.  everytime ⇢ ariana grande

3. vienna ⇢ billy joel

4. mr loverman ⇢ ricky montgomery

5. 20 something ⇢ sza

6. big god ⇢ florence + the machine

7. moon river ⇢ audrey hepburn

8. fortress ⇢ lennon stella

9. back of a cab ⇢ king princess

10. supercut ⇢ lorde

11. seventeen ⇢ troye sivan

12. malibu ⇢ miley cyrus

13. james joint ⇢ rihanna

14. ghost town ⇢ kanye

15. teenage fantasy ⇢ jorja smith

tagging moots... i love y’all 

@louvrr​ @fanficflaneuse​ @malfoys-demigod​ @imintoodeeptostop​ @slut4draco​ @nebulablakemurphy​ @blondiewholovestowrite​ @reidemandweep​ @remmyswritings​ @assemblemotherfuckers​ @letssingintherain​ @darlingdittany​ @rip-us​ @sxpphire-skies​

[thebotjock]

Just some 1:30 am ramblings as I sort through my thoughts. Sorry it’s long, Idk how to add a read more on mobile.

I really did enjoy this game, like I loved it, ellie’s parts mainly but I started to enjoy Abby’s parts eventually once I warmed up to her a little.

Overall, I don’t like Abby as a person/character but I get where she’s coming from with her actions. I know why she did the things she did. I mean Joel killed her dad, fucked over the fireflies AND doomed humanity all in that one decision to save Ellie. I loved yara and lev but they were the only allies of Abby that I liked really. And i didn’t dislike everyone because of what they did to Joel, though it certainly didn’t help, I just didn’t click with any of them like I did with say Tess for example in the first game, I was just indifferent to them. And honestly I straight up was just annoyed by Abby for a lot of the game. But god I hated Mel and that fucker Ellie managed to slice up with her knife the most. I’ve never taken such a dislike to a character ever as much as I did Mel. It was really cool to see a pregnant character fuck shit up but gOD I couldn’t staND HER. Aside from that, it was Abby’s fear of heights, her banter with Lev and her funny comments on stuff that made me warm up to her a bit in the end but I didn’t love her. The game is real good and I really enjoyed it but she shouldn’t have had as much screen time as she got idk. Maybe that view will change on a second playthrough? Also That Scene™ on the boat was stupid and pointless. Just fade to black... christ.

Also a big part of the game to me at least felt like in these situations where you have both sides and you’re attached to both characters, choosing a side or whatever comes down to where your loyalties lie? Like who do you love and want to fight for more? In the first game for a lot of people it’s clear cut what you want to do next - save Ellie, humanity be damned, because we love her. We’ve travelled all this way with her and we just truly love her. And in the second, it’s a little more cloudy for a lot of ppl who grow attached to Abby and Lev. In my mind I knew my loyalty would always lie solely with Ellie no matter what happened. I’m super attached to this character and even tho I don’t agree with or condone her actions half (most of lol) the time, I’m gonna take her side no matter what, you know? (Except when she left her cute farm, baby and Dina. Ellie what the fuck is wrong with you. I wanted to reach through the screen and shake her)

Also I need therapy after the boss fight in the theatre lol that fucked me up good. I honestly thought I wouldn’t be able to finish the game. I was so so sure Ellie was gonna die and beating her senseless was brutally hard to watch. It was a very very interesting and bold choice to make the player beat the shit out of their main character. Still dunno where I stand on it. Just. It was definitely interesting.

[izzy-b-hands]

Happy At Home-Part One

This was gonna be a short bit of Sledgefu about them moving house. Turns out it is more than that, and a lot longer now! In any case, thanks to all who read/like/reblog and I hope you guys enjoy! 

Part Two to ? (idk how long this full thing will end up lol) I will post asap as I finish them!

The apartment was starting to show its age. 

Granted, it was old when they started to rent it, but now...

Eugene pondered if an apartment could be called elderly as Snafu thunked the handset of the phone down with a clatter. 

“Fuckin’ landlord. Fuckin’ bullshit. We got no heat, and that ass goes on about how we should be able to tough it out,” Snafu shouted. 

“Snaf-” 

“I toughed it out! That fucker-he didn’t even ship out! We finished the damn mess for him, now he inherits this fuckin’ piece of shit building from his father or grandfather or who the fuck knows, and he thinks he can talk to me-”

“Merriell!” Eugene shouted, only so Snafu would snap back and really hear him. 

“For what we pay for this shithole...” Snafu grumbled, then stomped back to join him on the couch. “Sorry.” 

“You don’t have to be sorry for anything. I get it-but you’re gonna destroy your voice yellin’ like that. And the cold won’t help it if your throat is sore,” Eugene said as he tossed one of their many accumulated blankets over Snafu. 

Snafu pulled the blanket so most of his face was covered, only his eyes free. “I know. He’s still a fuckin’ asshole.” 

Eugene bit his tongue not to giggle at Snafu’s voice, muffled by the blanket. “He is. But we’ll make do. We always have, always will.” 

Snafu brought the blanket off his face and frowned. “We been livin’ here for over two years. The heating coulda been fuckin’ fixed by now.” 

Eugene sighed and pulled Snafu close. He was right-they’d been asking and now begging damn near every winter they’d been there for it to be fixed. 

“If I could find us a house-” 

“People might talk,” Eugene started. They’d had this discussion a lot, as of late. 

“I don’t give a shit. Tell ‘em we both had girlfriends before the war, but when we came back they were gone, so we stuck together,” Snafu spat. “So now we have each other, and if that bothers anyone, I’ll go find one of the grenades we used to carry and jam it so far up their-”

“Okay, okay. I think I get the picture you’re painting. And it is a hell of a picture,” Eugene replied. “But let’s say we find this house. How the hell are we paying for it?” 

Snafu shrugged and snuggled closer to him. “We’d figure it out.” 

“Someday, maybe. Least we got a roof over our heads now.” 

The phone rang, shrill and overly loud in the quiet apartment. The cats jumped, all lumped together in a basket with a blanket over them  as Eugene stood to answer it, a blanket still wrapped around his shoulders. 

“Eugene?” Sid sounded tired.

“Hey, how are you?” Eugene asked. It had been a good few months since they’d talked, longer since Sid had visited. He missed him-plus, it was one of the only ways he could get updates on how his family was. 

“Your father-” Sid sighed, but it edged on a growl. “Is a wonderfully kind man, except for right now when he’s being a damn stubborn ass who won’t just do this himself. I, as middleman, am supposed to ask you if you and Snafu won’t come down and do your parents a favor of sorts.” 

“They know Snaf would be coming with me, no matter what this ‘favor’ is, right?” 

“I already told them. They still keep callin’ him your ‘roommate’. Not sure if they haven’t figured it out yet, or if it’s straight up denial. But either way, they said this applies to the both of you,” Sid replied. “Now, your parents decided to build a new house-” 

“What? Where, and why?” Eugene laughed. “What bullshit is that, anyway? This country can’t even house all of us that came back, and they went and built something new?” 

“Eugene-” 

“Look, Sid. We’re sittin’ here in a damn tiny place that hasn’t had proper heat in the winter, or ventilation in the summer since we moved in. We pay out the ass for it, no matter how many extra hours we both pick up at work. We’d love a goddamn house, even if it was barely warmer than this place. So hearin’ this-” Eugene choked on his words. “Just-what the hell do they want with us?” 

“They don’t want to sell the old place. They consider like piece of the family history, or whatever. Your brother said no to staying there-he’s got his own place, his own things goin’ on, as you already know.” 

He did. His brother called a bit more than Sid, but the calls were always on edge. Still filled with ‘I love you’s and ‘hope you’re well’s, but there were questions unasked in between them. 

“Okay, so? They have two houses instead of just one, pity them,” Eugene sighed. He loved Sid, but tonight wasn’t the night to listen to how well other people were doing while they struggled. He just wanted to sit back down and warm up next to Snafu, who was watching him with an increasingly confused look on his face. 

“The cold made you dense or somethin’? What the fuck do you think I’m about to ask you?” Sid laughed. “You get the house, so long as you two are willing to move back down here.” 

“I’m sorry?” 

“You. And. Snafu. Get. The. House,” Sid replied. “They’re tryin’ to do a nice turn for you, while also making themselves happy by keepin’ the house. Furnished, ready to go for you, all you have to do is come back.” 

“Forgive me, Sid. But there’s no way it’s that easy. They’ve got to have some motive-” Eugene started, but Sid cut him off with a heavy sigh. 

“As far as I know, they don’t have any motive other than greedily wanting two houses.” 

Eugene moved the handset from his head, and turned to Snafu. “So, you were talkin’ about that house.” 

Snafu pushed his blankets off and walked over to him. “What the hell is goin’ on?” 

“We got a house waitin’ for us in Mobile-my parents’ old house. Apparently, all we have to do is show up, and the place is ours,” Eugene said. “It feels...too easy.” 

Snafu nodded. “Maybe. Or maybe...” 

“What?” 

“You miss them. I know you do, don’t try to lie to me. And I bet they miss you. And I’d bet they’re just as stubborn as you-” Snafu continued. 

“I am not that stubborn,” Eugene protested. 

“Yes, you are,” Snafu and Sid spoke at once, Sid’s voice tinny from the handset. 

Eugene sighed, and shot Snafu a look. 

“Anyway, I’d gather they needed some way to show they care for you, without meetin’ up with us and everyone bein’ all emotional and messy. A nice place to live where they know you’re safe might be that way,” Snafu said. 

“We’d have to pack fast,” Eugene protested. There was something in the pit of his stomach that made him too nervous to just say yes to the prospect of going back. Even if Snafu and the cats would be with him. 

“I can manage that,” Snafu said as he gently pulled the handset from Eugene’s hand. “Hey, Sid? Tell ‘em we’re comin’ down. The cats, and whatever junk we want to keep that we can fit in the car.” 

Snafu listened for a moment, then nodded. “And we’ll meet you to get the key. Sounds good. Yeah, I’ll wrangle him into a better mood by the time we get there, don’t you worry. Be seein’ you, Sid.” 

Snafu hung up the handset, and wrapped his arms around Eugene. “C’mon. Smile, at least a little. We’re gettin’ out of this frozen tundra-” 

“It could be colder, if we’d ended up further North,” Eugene said as he let his head fall onto Snafu’s shoulder. 

“You get to show me around Mobile, we’ll have a nice clean place-I’ll get to see your old room!” 

The tears started to fall before he could stop them. He let the blanket fall as he grabbed hold of Snafu and clung to him. 

“Whoa, what is this? C’mere, sit down,” Snafu slowly walked them back to the couch. “Talk.” 

“They’re doin’ this because they love me?” Eugene choked out. “I mean...it isn’t that I don’t appreciate it, even if don’t agree with all of this, like them building another house when there’s plenty like us who can’t find anywhere to live. But if they love me still...I mean, we invited them here, how many times, to show them the town and have dinner with us?! And they never even acknowledged any of those invites-just had Sid tell us they couldn’t make it. I sent them letters after we made it back, made it here, and the few they sent back-” 

He was a mess, tears falling faster than he could brush them away, his sinuses already aching. “Anybody could have sent those back to me. Hell, Burgin sent back nicer, warmer letters than what they sent. They love the idea of me, of who they want me to be. And I’m sure they feel some sense of obligation to me, as their child. But I don’t know that they truly love me, as I truly am. Or if they ever will.” 

The silence hung between them, until Eugene slowly raised his head. 

Snafu was weeping, tears running fast down his face. “Sledgehammer. I-” 

He sighed and sniffled as he looked away for a moment, as if the words he needed were running away from him. “Eugene. I can’t tell you exactly what they feel; I know you know that. But I can tell you how I see it. And the way I see it, is that no matter how they feel, it seems like they’re tryin’. Tryin’ to do somethin’ at least. Now, we could use the place-someplace a little bit nicer, bit bigger. I understand why you’re nervous about it, because who knows if they’ll come by or what they’d say if they did.” 

Snafu sniffled again as he grabbed Eugene’s hands and held them tightly in his, so tight it almost hurt. “But I can tell you this. If they do come by, after we’re down there, and they try and hurt you at all, or make some ultimatum about us in order for us to keep the house, then we’ll just go.” 

“Snaf-” 

“I know, I know, that would be hard and scary because where would we go and what would we do. But you know what? Just like you said-we’d make do. We’d find somewhere to land. Find jobs, find another apartment. Hell, if we really struggle then we’ll go to Sid or Burgin and tell ‘em we’re sleepin’ over for a few weeks. But we sure as hell wouldn’t stay, if that’s how they’d be treatin’ you. If that’s how it would be, then they can let that house rot, empty and lonely,” Snafu said, tears still falling, but now with something strong behind his eyes. They were piercing, but loving all at once. 

“Okay,” Eugene said shakily. “I think...I can do it, if we keep that as a plan, just in case. Would be nice, not havin’ to worry about the cats freezing overnight. They’d have my mom’s garden to play in and run around.” 

Snafu nodded. “You could plant whatever you like there. Dress the house up however we want. Actually have room for shit, even!” 

They laughed, and Eugene let himself fall against Snafu slowly to push them both back into the couch. 

“We’re really doing this,” he sighed. 

“We really are,” Snafu replied. “Tomorrow, at least. I am not packing up anything tonight though. I want to get some sleep, and keep you warm.” 

Eugene moved to press a kiss to Snafu’s neck in agreement. That at least gave him time to will his stomach to calm, before they’d be packing and getting on the road. 

[pooklet]

unaesthetic asks (anon edition)

i usually use a psd for asks to make them look nice and transparent and number them but tbh it’s just keeping me from answering asks quickly, having to shift layers around and stuff. so this is me literally cutting and pasting the text of some asks into a text post instead, sry.

if i did not answer yr thing here i lost/never got the ask, need a separate post to answer it (community lot anon), or worked myself into an anxious lather when i did not have an immediate response at the ready and fled into the woods to hide inside an old damp log and mutate slowly into a creature composed entirely of moss.

1) hey friend i think i can actually help with this one! slig did my poor lover for momma lisa, and has a few of my other skins linked to different body meshes in this tag here. @asimplevampire​ also did rehash for androgyny. those are the two i know off the top of my head but if anyone else knows any others pls reply to this post!

i don’t personally make showerproof skintones for body meshes because i a) am lazy and b) don’t usually take pics of my sims in the shower or naked in general so the occasional floating head just gives me a lil chortle when it does happen.

2) yis, it is the second to last one in this post by @magpieplayssims​ with a bunch of face masks piled on.

3) i use a personal edit of gunmod’s 3.1 A camera which alters the, like, central pivot axis so i can swing the camera underground into any basements i might be using. as a result, whenever i load the lot, it starts me off zoomed inside the floor, you just gotta zoom out with the scroll wheel to get above ground and it works normally from there. i haven’t figured out how to mitigate this while still being able to access underground rooms. which is why my edit never got its own post, but i did share it here.

4) nah, not really. i mean i have an outdated one at the back of my catalogue but my face is boring to me cuz i see it every day n stuff & i’m less and less interested in making human features now that custom sliders have let me go absolutely mad with power.

5) ye sorry i put that on my to-do list and promptly forgot about it cuz my brain seems to think that putting something on a list means it’s done forever now!!!! but now it’s actually done and i’m fixing the other links too.

6) yr phone is a craven liar and i will not stand for this libel. earlier today i was genuinely bewildered by a discussion about channing tatum cuz i thought his name was tatum channing. i sat there for minutes, convinced that there were two guys in hollywood one named channing tatum and the other named tatum channing and wondering if that ever got confusing for them.

7) u would be surprised, friend! my memory is a lawless wasteland but i do not end up chatting back and forth w/ many ppl b/c i am a seething pit of social anxiety. if we talked, like, more than twice, i probs remember u!

8) omg i was about to be like “nah i never made nosemasks for those” but that is a fucking lie of the highest caliber, i totally did make one (1) set and then forgot entirely about it. i will post them with the next batch of bodyshop content which should be Shortly (and if i don’t just yell @ me and i’ll just lazily put them on sfs and link them in a reply).

also thank u anon i am glad u like my content! :D

9) omg thank u so much anon that is so sweet of u to say!! truly i don’t feel like i have accomplished a whole lot beyond managing to snag @resurrection-failed​ but that is definitely the Best thing i could accomplish so i am 100% fine w/ that

10) oh ts4. i want to play it real bad but i have discovered that playing games that are still being updated and could break at any moment due to a new patch or ep gives me hives. esp when it’s sims games b/c those are held together exclusively w/ wishes and prayers as it is. they’re like the bottom panel of an expanding brain meme on spaghetti coding. at least when the game is Done there nothing else for EA to break (... right?). plus i only have base+pets and no money to throw at the other expansions so i could maybe download 1/10th of the cc available out there ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

but i am excited to be late af to the party. lemme tell u. thank u for saying such nice things, anon!! i hope u have a good day also. like, lots of ‘em.

11) hey anon! it’s built into tumblr’s text editor. u type the text first, highlight it, and click on the fourth button that looks like a slouchy figure 8 to insert yr link. i’m not sure if it’s the same on mobile, tho, cuz the tumblr mobile app is self-elected torture.

12) i do not right now but i can make one. idk if it would interest you but i am also doing a big ol’ blend of the hq eyes and wifezaya’s favorite ephemera mist eyes and will make a default version of those too when they are done.

13) nah i am still using my v3 texture for straight hairs and for waves or natural hair i just use nouk’s originals. i’m old-fashioned and boring. if u need help w/ making yr own, tho, i would suggest checking out @furbyq​’s tutorial here!

14) hey friend! i did have plans to do that, in that vague way where i have plans to do many things but most of the time end up taking a five-hour nap under a cat instead or watchin game grumps. luckily, @digitalangels​ is a doll and did it for me so consider this my official endorsement. i am pooklet and i approve this action.

15) hey anon. when did i call it that?? i think usually i just call it marriage or equal marriage if i need to specify (or gay marriage if i’m feelin Spicy cuz nonbinary-for-nonbinary is pretty gay). if i did say same-sex it was probs w/ implied air-quotes since that was the term du jour when we got married, which was 3+ years before the supreme court mandate, when it was only legal in some places and everyone was still ‘‘‘‘debating’’’’ the ‘‘‘‘issue’’’’ of queers gettin all married.

16) i been gatherin’ links for u anon but lemme look around a lil more. i will either give this its own post or add it as its own section in the resource post that is like .... five years overdue. meanwhile if anyone reading this has anything they either know is made for dark skin or works well universally or knows of a list like this that already exists, i would appreciate links!

17) I KNOW THAT’S YOU, AZAYA

[queenreginascontour]

idk how to ask this without sounding like a loser rat bitch, so here goes nothing. i go back to my college in the beginning of august for my soph year but i really don’t want to go back. i feel like i didn’t make any friends and it honestly fucking sucks bc i go to a SEC school so i feel totally invisible. at first it was fine bc i could focus a lot on my schoolwork but then it started affecting my mental health. i feel so stupid sending this but i literally don’t have anywhere else to go. (1)

i know you’re in college too and you seem like you have friends and your shit together. in general i honestly respect you and i don’t want to talk to my family or home friends about this bc i feel like a little kid. idk. idk what i’m even asking for i just want this to end. (2/2)

hey anonty.. first of all im sorry 4 answering this so late but like i said, i didnt want to answer it on mobile LMAO but ok im gonna try to give the best advice i can give and i truly hope it helps u.. ok we know by know that asking me for advice just turns into storytime so im butting this under the cut bc idk how long it will be:

let me first clarify that i absolutely do not have my shit together, and that’s ok. i dont think anyone really does. im a rising sophomore as well, and for the first few months of first semester, i genuinely thought that i would never find real friends in college. not to suck my own dick, but ive always been someone who just has a lot of friends (not in like a bitchy, mean girls popularity way). a lot of different kinds of people just kind of gravitate towards me.. i dont rly know why, but because of it, ive never really had an issue with not having friends. however, i also have never really had to go out of my way to make friends, either. this proved to be my issue in the beginning of first semester. once again, not to suck my own dick, and probably to ur surprise if u regularly see my blog, people know me as a smart person. ive always performed very well academically and maintaining that has always been a priority for me. obviously, this attitude continued in college, but (kind of like u said), i think i got a little too into it and i used studying and homework as a hiding place because at my core, i was scared to go and make the effort to make friends. im sure u rly dont care about my personal life and im sorry for writing this all but what im trying to say is cliche but.. put urself out there. if u just go from class to class to the library to ur room, there is literally no way for you to meet people. once i started just like, joining clubs and getting an internship and even just going to the common room in my dorm building, i found my people. what’s funny to me is that my closest friends thus far just came to me out of nowhere, like my friends from the past.. like i literally do not know how we became friends. the law of attraction is real thots…….

one other cliché: be yourself. i am such a firm believer that it is impossible to make real connections with people if u present them with a modified version of yourself. i am a very transparent person. how u see me act on here is how i act in front of others. half my dorm from last yr knows i want to fuck a cars character, and that’s how you find your true friends and how your true friends find you. another anecdote u dont want to hear: my roommate came into college not wanting to drink or get involved in the party scene in any way. she was also very insecure. for context: my school is not a “party school” by any definition, although some act like it LMAO. obv people go out once in a while but nobody goes too hard, nobody parties on weekdays, and there are so many other things to do off campus that going out seems kind of stupid. however, my roommate felt like she had to drink and frequent the house parties in order to have a social life. it was literally the saddest fuckign thing to watch. she spiraled into someone she didnt want to be and i had to save her from many a sticky situation. she put herself out there, but she put a fake version of herself out there. im rambling again, but just.. dont be my roommate.. stay true to urself

finally, i dont know your situation, and i would definitely put a lot of thought into this, but transferring is an option. you said you go to an sec school- maybe that’s the issue. maybe a smaller school is a better fit for you. i truly love my school more than i thought that i would, and i want you to share that feeling. if you continue to feel invisible and trapped- most importantly, if it continues to affect your mental health- please, try to transfer. my roommate did consider transferring until she realized that she was being disingenuous and turned herself around. it is important for you to find at least one person at school you can turn to, especially if you feel like the environment is eating away at you. i assume it’s too late to start the transfer process for this semester if you’re going back in august, but stick it out for at least part of the semester and really try to find your niche. if you can find your niche, i guarantee that you will find your people. also, im.. idk.. humbled ? that u turned to me for help, but please, talk to your family. as a bitch who has too much pride and bottles shit up, i know it can be hard. but they know you better than anyone and they can probably help you better than i can. 

i love you, and i hope everything works out. keep me updated, and know im here anytime u need to talk

[zhaoly]

ok really long post ahead, sorry for mobile users since i dont think the spoiler break works on mobile iirc

i finally finished the main quest for fo4.. um.... was that it?? that was kinda my first reaction lol. ok i have SO many thoughts as i always do when i finish a game.. maybe more for this one tho

so i ended up doing both the minutemen and bos endings because they split relatively late in the story so i just made two separate saves... they were basically the same except i thought following liberty prime was kinda fun lol. i liked watching him pick up a behemoth and then just throwing it to the ground

so now that i’ve like... finished the game.... i guess i can see why people complain that fo4 is more of an fps than an rpg

like.... i’ve dumped a ton of hours into this game, but that’s mostly because i’ve spent a lot of time building settlements lol. besides that, the story does seem to be lacking a bit. i think it definitely had potential, but nothing was really fleshed out that well... like if i try to think back on what i did, i’m like.. ??

maybe part of that is because four main factions was a little ambitious? i just feel like there wasn’t much opportunity to actually get to know each faction and like actually feel like you were involved with them

1) minutemen - i mean, you got a shitton of radiant quests from preston (which drove me crazy very early on and got modded out)... and then what? you claim settlements and that’s about it. reclaiming the castle is as deep as the story gets. besides that all you have is radiant quests

also there were like... zero named characters besides preston who were actually really involved with the minutement. like there was ronnie shaw but she just ends being a merchant later, and i didn’t even get the proper armory quest from her because my game glitched out. so basically she was just a unique merchant for me

and like... who else is there?? there’s the sanctuary crew and some named settlers but none of them are really part of the “minutemen.” so like you didn’t really get to talk to members of the faction and stuff and actually feel like you were immersed in the story. like i know that the story is that you’re rebuilding the minutemen so there’s supposed to be no one but preston, but later on as you claim settlements and expand the minutement and stuff there’s still nothing... no new story, quest, npcs... you have to do some dungeon clearing quests for some of the named settlers but that’s literally it.

i liked their general “for the people” thing but like... they never really expanded on it... they did end up being one of the two factions that i sided with because of their cause but i just think the story (or lack thereof, really) with them was pretty bland

2) railroad - well i was considering joining them very early on cause i do think their cause is decent, i like deacon, and i accidentally spoiled for myself that danse is a synth (i like danse because i mean you know me and my beef)... but then i felt like they were a little too focused on the synths. like that was literally just their entire cause. and i just felt like that was just too narrow.

and you met these characters that you really just.... met and then nothing ever happened later with them! like high rise, mister tims, idk what the point of drummer boy was, etc..

and again there were just a ton of radiant quests... at least they were all finite, but like there was what? helping that one safehouse (forgot the name), mila quests, and pam’s caches. the ticonderoga quest was kinda interesting but i wish there was something more besides “here’s ticonderoga. oh whoops it gets destroyed later. haha!”

3) institute - well i disliked them right off the bat because they were the ones who not only MURDERED MY HUSBAND but also KIDNAPPED AND BRAINWASHED MY CHILD (yes i consider it brainwashing)????? like come on. i take this stuff very personally man. it’s the same reason why i joined the stormcloaks in skyrim (before realizing what a bunch of racist assholes they are but.... i digress) cause i was like WHY tf would i join a group that tried to execute me with absolutely zero cause

so i’m just like why would i join a group that murdered my husband (right in front of my eyes i might add) and kidnapped my child. hello??? like yeah i hated the fact that they gave you a goddamn baby in the first place, but since i had it i was like WELL I AM OUTRAGED THAT THEY DID THIS TO MY CHILD.

then there was the whole deal with them actually taking real people (and presumably murdering them) and replacing them with synth copies. i HATED that a lot and it was a big turnoff on top of all of my personal grievances against them. their elitist attitude towards the commonwealth was annoying as fuck as well as their manufacturing of gen 3 synths for what was basically slave labor. also there were like random conversations that would occur between scientists and synths and the scientists were such assholes.

oooooh and the part where you ask shaun why he decided to let you out of your cryo pod and he’s like “well... i suppose that i just wanted to see what would happen” and i was like BITCH WHAT?????? EXCUSE ME?????? THAT’S YOUR REASON?? 

like the shaun/father thing was an interesting twist in the story... but it def was not enough to make me want to join the institute. esp with that craphole reason that he gave me for letting me out of the cryo pod. and like the dude is basically a stranger to you, why tf would you just join the institute bc he’s “”””family””””? i suppose they tried to make it a more difficult dilemma by really trying to push your character’s story in the “i’m looking for my son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” direction before you actually find out what happened to shaun, but i didnt find that a very compelling plot point in the first place.... so it had pretty much no bearing on my decision

also. the synth shaun. he made the synth shaun which is like super weird and a little creepy. like this kid’s never gonna age.... i mean 50 years from now he’s gonna be a 60 y-o in a 10 y-o’s body!!!!!!!! who tf thought that was a good idea?? i mean i’m on the “gen 3 synths are truly sentient” train cause the game basically does nothing to show you otherwise. you have institute scientists telling you that they aren’t, but literally everything in the game shows you that they are. also danse

and then their cause... they say they’re the “best hope for humanity” and stuff but like what are they actually doing to help humanity. the only beneficial thing they did was create gmos like that huge pumpkin (while replacing roger ww in the process which as i mentioned before was something i hated). besides that, wtf are they doing besides hiding away in their blindingly white laboratories experimenting w/ synths?? 

anyway yeah i hated the institute but i guess in terms of “story” they did a little better than the railroad and minutemen. but they honestly got a helping hand from the fact that shaun was involved with them and a large part of the story early on was looking around for information about shaun and being able to ask npcs about the institute. however once you proceeded past a certain point they also fell into a very boring routine of having a handful of radiant quests available and not much else involving them

4) bos - well.... i def felt like they were super culty when i first went onto the prydwen. and i really dont like their stance on gen 3s and non-feral ghouls. but i do like that theyre out and about clearing the commonwealth of super mutants, ferals, and raiders lol. 

i really really hate the whole danse thing tho and how close-minded they are about him :( i did see that there was actually cut content where you could challenge maxson and danse would get his rank back and i kinda wish that they actually implemented that. i dont really want the elder role but i’d like the chance to do something where you could shift the bos’s opinion on gen 3s, even if only slightly... like THAT would be a good story element, come on! 

but w/e. i really didnt like them at first but i like their aesthetic compared to everyone else and their general cause (at least theyre not like opening fire on the slog, right... ?) ..

anyway i might just stick with their ending as my “main” playthrough cause afaict they’re not much diff from the minutemen ending except i get the sentinel rank, and you actually have some named people that you can interact with about your choice.

ok im actually really tired of writing this post... i actually have so many more thoughts haha but i dunno if i’ll be able to get them all out because as if on cue i’m getting tired around midnight.. anyway

yeah so the story was eh and i wish it went more in depth. like, even though i wasnt super fond of fnv’s story, i did think it was more immersive and detailed... i think fo4 had a lot of potential but sadly didn’t quite deliver. tbh i think the game couldve gone without the railroad if four factions really did just spread them too thin while in development.

like i think the part of the story with kellogg was good... the whole thing about trying to find the identity of this guy, searching his home, searching for him, looking through his memories, etc was pretty interesting. i liked how we were able to see his backstory and something about him that wasn’t just “dude who murdered my husband.” like that was all good stuff! but the story REALLY deteriorated after that... i mean you just end up having to kill the guy and then he’s just out of the story completely.

oh and like related to that--what was that whole deal with nick speaking in kellogg’s voice briefly after you finish in the memory den??? why would they just throw in a line like that and not expand on it at all???? that bugged me SO MUCH because again there was so much potential there!!! if kellogg had somehow gotten into nick’s mind you could be presented with so many new options. like how do you get him out? can you get him out? who do you go to for help? etc etc etc NOT JUST SOME THROWAWAY LINE THAT ACTUALLY DOES NOTHING AHHH

speaking of which. fo4 seems to do that a LOT. like maybe it’s recency bias bc i really dont remember all the details of fnv to be able to compare, but i feel like fo4 has a ton of little throwaway things that are interesting details but aren’t expanded on at all. like not even a little bit. i think there needs to be a certain balance between details and mini stories... like fo4 dangled SO many of these little details in your face that you just never got to expand on at all.. i love an interesting world where you can discover things that dont really have an impact on the main story or anything but these scraps just drove me crazy.

also there were like... no vaults??? i feel like fnv had a lot more... fo4 has vault 95 for cait (and a kinda boring purpose/story imo). the vault of triggermen where you find nick. the vault for refining human genes. vault 81. and that’s it.. i felt like i spent a lot more time in vaults in fnv? and they had some creepier stories/experiments too

ok like my brain... is really slowing down but i will at least get a few more thoughts down before i go to sleep

SETTLEMENTS. LORD HELP ME. again, a great concept with so much potential but poor execution. i really enjoyed settlements--with mods. vanilla settlements are just so horribly lacking. for one thing not being able to clean up your settlement is just terrible. you really would just have to leave piles of trash, garbage, debris, 200-YEAR-OLD SKELETONS, etc, lying around your settlement!!!!! where you’re supposed to have people living!!

settlers themselves also have some pretty terrible ai. theyre stupid af. their pathing is godawful. i am extremely proud of them when they actually are able to successfully navigate a structure i built because it is such a goddamn struggle for them! like they’re literally coded to take the shortest possible straight line path so i get tons of them walking into walls trying to get to their destination instead of walking around them, going through doorways, using stairs etc (yes theyre all navmeshed)... it’s actually so aggravating

also settlements themselves are incredibly and frustratingly buggy. the resources getting messed up in your pip boy bug is super annoying. there’s a shit ton of other bugs with them that i’m just too tired to list but i’m like ahhh god i feel like i’m playing a beta version of this shit! also what’s up with them spawning on top of buildings in sanctuary?

ok yeah i have a lot of crticisms for the game so it may not seem like i enjoyed it but i actually did. i think the story was decent up until after you finished kellogg’s part, cause after that it just got really boring (which is lame because seriously, the story gets boring after you can start decided which faction/s you want to join??)

but mods def contributed a lot to my enjoyment, esp my settlement mods... like most of my mods are settlement mods lol. so like... if i played vanilla fo4 i do doubt that i’d have enjoyed it as much. i do actually like the fps aspect of it, but i think there are too many places that are overloaded with enemies.. so you’re constantly fighting shit. it gets kind of annoying after a while.

OH THAT JUST REMINDED ME. GUNNERS. another thing that had potential but ended up just being... ??? raiders but fancier??? you could literally switch out all the gunners for raiders and nothing would change. when i first encountered them i was really excited cause i thought it was a new side faction but they’re literally just... raiders. but fancy. it’s disappointing af. there’s no story behind them... you can get into gunners plaza and find some holotapes from the leader and some members but then there’s nothing else! you don’t ever get to find out what the story is behind all of it! again with dangling some details in front of your face and then just never expanding on it at all. ugh gunners were seriously a big disappointment for me.

okay i’m actually done now cause i’m tired and typing this out actually took a lot of time lol. i still have a ton of thoughts but i need to sleep. lame