#so i edit once and then move on or else id do what im doing with my current two books

[shakirawastaken]

dsmp if...they were teachers part 2

ANON I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED UR REQUEST IM SO SORRY IM GONNA CRY BUT here it is :D with techno too :) please people send in some requests for meee check out part 1 here!

techno: english (with 1 mythology class for seniors): - hates his english classes wishes he could just teach mythology - would make all the students do a little project on a greek mythology story - rivalry with mr soot  - “ill give u each 10 dollars if u go to mr soots class tmrw talkin about how im a better teacher” - supports each and every kid no matter WHAT even if its not english related - holds detention in his room cause no one wants to fuck with him - like dream he doesnt anyone to get fucked over his english class so he hosts after school office hours like its college - has read all the classic novels and makes his classes read them. he wont move to something else unless some kid IS REALLY passionate about it - “ranboo we will not be reading the diary of a wimpy kid series even if you resonate with greg heffley on an emotional level” - BUT for his english classes he makes them do a general book report project so he can see and appreciate his student’s taste in books  - albeit not the biggest fan of romance novels but knows it ends with us for some reason - brings all the projects home and keeps them in a big storage bin. he loves showing them off to future classes and even you - light. acadmeia. dresses formal, long sleeves, hair tamed, glasses on the bridge of his nose - “tommy please stop swearing. tubbo calm down?” - hold detention with him cause no one fucks with mr blade

phil: principal - best principal ever - has a great relationship with all the staff tbh  - wilbur and techno and tommy arent his sons wdym - no ones rlly scared of getting sent to the principals cause like yk theyre like “oh phil??? hes nice”  - everyone calls him phil - ok i lied everyone BUT tommy isnt scared of going to phils - “I DONT WANT TO GO TO PHILS” “tommy calm down-” - hates the school board, lets the teachers teach what they believe is best for the students - can deal with the consequences - once wilbur got him to play a role in on of the school’s productions - big year for the dsmp high thespians tbh - is married to the guidance counselor kristin - who by the way is a GOOD COUNSELOR - actually does guidance - phils whole office is green - always wears his bucket hat tbh - besties with the other school’s principals

foolish: architecture/woodworking - i think this one was another “duhhh” one - builder man teaches builder children - starts the year with teaching them the basics of everything and then sort of lets them go wild  - is so scared some kid is gonna get hurt - has goggles in every corner of his room, gloves, whatever safety stuff  - loves it when kids work together to make some big project - IN YOUR GUYS’ HOME YOU HAVE A SHELF full of little sharks all the kids made for him its so cute - he makes stuff for you in class and uses it as an excuse to teach  - wears muscle t-s or normal t-shirts never dresses formal  - “it would get in the way of the wood?? duh” - id want to be in his class - is besties with mr jacobs and mr punz the random coach who shows up just to coach basketball in the winter - another teacher everyone simps over - once refused to teach tommy cause he didnt want to “catch a case”

i kinda want to write for the bench trio so here’s STUDENT EDITION

tommy: junior in high school, ta to mr wastakens math class  - tommy signed up to TA for wilbur but then wilbur said “absolutely not” so he got put into dream’s introduction to stats class  - but he also has dream for the period after that for his ap stats class - so hes stuck there for like 2 and a half hours  - dream groaned when he saw who his TA was - makes tommy grade papers and stuff but never tests  - he doesnt trust him with that - tommy is a good kid and usually doesnt disrupt class but when he does its hilarious - expect mr blade doesnt give a second shit about tommy in his class  - tommy is rlly good at drama and math (even though hed never admit hes good at math)  - his locker is a mess  - besties with tubs and ranboo ofc - phil is his father dont tell anyone - he is so adamant on walking home bc he doesnt want people to know that his family works there - always has his red jacket on  - never gets school lunches says they are cursed

tubbo: junior in high school, ta for mr quackity’s spanish class - tubbo likes quackity so he signed up to ta for his class - he isnt good at spanish tho- - quackity knows that but likes tubbo so he lets him be  - sapnap ADORES tubbo for some reason - “TOBY!!! WHATS UP!” “hi mr sapnap” - sapnap thinks tubbo is such a good kid - but  - mr notfound knows tubbo is a menace - “good morning toby” “good morning mr notfound *innocent*” “sit down and get started please” - SO FUNNY LMAO  - tubbo is a menace - pulls a bunch of pranks on the teachers but then the blame always ends on tommy somehow “wHAT- TUBBO DID IT” “no he didnt” - besties with tommy and ranboo ofc - tubbo is rlly good at science but isnt so hot at english - but mr blade is rlly nice and takes him time to help tubbo  - tubbo appreciates it so he gets mr blade a gift at christmas - mr blade teared up - runs thru the hall dragging tom and ranboo behind him no regrets - “STOP RUNNING THROUGH THE HALLS” “no” ranboo: junior in high school, ta for mr blades mythology class - lOVES ta-ing for mr blades class - mr blade kinda lets him chill in the back, stapling papers - no interaction whatsoever - he also now cant wait to take that class next year - mr blade refers to him as my protege a lot  - i hope i used that word right - besties with tommy and tubbo - all the teachers are nice to ranboo and kinda sorry that hes friends with tommy and tubbo LMFAO  - “hi ranboo u doing ok” “yes thank u mr jacobs” “RANBOO! LETS GO! PUDDING DAY IN THE CAFETERIA” “thats my cue mr jacobs” - ranboo usually doesnt get into trouble when he does oh boy its good - not pranks on teachers but school wide pranks - is shy but when someone picks on tommy and tubbo he GOES OFF - attacks them through words - when he gets comfortable in a class he lets out these small comments that get the whole room laughing - so not the class clown but people know hes funny and people respects him 

[birdybirdnerd]

Midnight for spence, secret for Nance, wound for raph-nce (I had to keep the bit going)

ALRIGHT sorry i had to wait till i could be somewhere with wifi to do this

oc asks: not so nice edition!

Midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping?

changes over the course of parable actors. before meeting up with the brigade, spencer has a lot of anxieties about his parable, nightmares about endless looping hallways and being alone and not mattering to anyone. nightmares about waking back up there specifically, all the hard work hes put into becoming his own person erased like it never happened. he uh, did a lot of late night wandering whenever it kept him up, or drank himself unconscious. not good!

after basically adopting gidget, his anxieties turned towards 'oh god oh fuck this person needs someone put together to help them and im a mess, this is a mistake, im gonna fuck them up irreversibly and just continue to traumatize this poor traumatized kid and that is the LAST thing i want'

things get a lot better for awhile there, until, of course, the end of reset the actors, when his fucking narrator returns and now spencer needs to handle this and deal with this and figure things out and he cant impose this bastard on other people, he can take care of it himself, and god hes so annoying and awful but hes too pathetic to just drop off on the street and wipe my hands of the whole thing, and id feel like a fucking fraud if i didnt give him a second chance but now the nightmares from when i first left the parable are back and theyre mixing with new ones where nansen somehow figures out how to go back and drags me back and it was all for nothing, ill never see the others again, oh god-

so uh. yeah. he quit drinking for awhile there for gidget, but nancys return marks a return of his alcoholism (for a bit. they all get their shit together again thank god and spencer never, ever again touches the stuff except for a Single glass of champagne/wine at a particularly fancy dinner or party, maybe once a year at most)

Secret: What's one secret your OC never wants anyone to know about them?

nancy admits this to dr joy one session, and no one else.

when he first saw spencer in the falling-apart parable the coalition had made their base, when the rescue attempt for the narrator was in full swing, when hed spent years with a slowly dawning horror at what the other versions of him had done, and what that corrupted parable leading the charge was doing,

he was so, so close. seconds away, even. from grabbing spencer and running and not stopping until they were back, safe, in their own parable

he would have done it, if spencer hadnt interrupted him to demand his help in finding gidget

Wound: How does your OC handle being wounded? Are their wounds mostly physical? Mental? Emotional? What's the worst wound your OC has ever experienced?

raph is a HUUUUGE drama queen and makes a mountain out of a molehill to cope. the more dramatic she is about something though, the less serious it actually is

but when shes really, actually hurt, she tends to retreat. hide it. put on a smile and act like nothings wrong, what are you talking about? this goes for both physical and emotional hurts, too; shell work on a twisted ankle or a pulled muscle until the pain is literally too much for her to even move, and keep forging onwards when her head is a disaster zone until the depression is so thick and murky she cant see a way out of bed in the morning

dont think shes had any suuuper serious physical injuries, maybe needed stitches from falls on set or casts for fractured bones. shes pretty hardy, even if she can be kind of a clutz

emotionally, the worst shes been would have to be... hm. sometime maybe a few months before the brigade formed, i can see her having started her transition months prior. shes been part of this theater/drag group for almost a year now, surrounded by people so, so much like her that love her so much. helping her figure her way out in the world, and in herself. odette dotes on her, is supportive, helps her get on hormones and become more comfortable with herself.

estrogen therapy comes with increased mood swings, heightened emotions, and raph already has bipolar disorder. she feels so much all the time, and the hormones make that stronger, and one day she realizes all the good she has and how different everything is and shes faced in the mirror with the face of someone she can actually love-

and she suddenly feels like a fraud. shes a fake. shes not human, shes not one of these girls. she was made to press buttons, was made as a vessel for the players enjoyment of a game that wasnt even fun anymore, none of them had to go through what she did and she cant even tell them, shes crazy, shes nothing, her narrator was right-

big bad mood swing. bed bound for weeks. raph loses a lot of weight, burns some bridges when the only energy spikes she gets are to yell at the people she loves with all her heart (those bridges reform, i promise, amends are made and therapy helps all). its bad, and the only reason she didnt fully waste away was that odette never once gave up on her, despite rows and no responses.

raph still feels so terribly guilty about this, but has worked to be at peace with herself over it since then

[softness-and-shattering]

About the Mean Girls musical movie

I know Ive had conversations before about the cultural context stuff, that it seems like the message was not as effective as the first movie when the stuff its talking about, how girls are wrong whatever they do and everything is up for criticism and filming, and you have to pretend to be sweet and kind fairy princesses instead of being allowed to be human. And Id have to go back and find those posts to see what I do and dont agree with now. Because I just saw the movie. And honestly, I liked it. A lot of the visuals were really fun and interesting, which I think is impressive in a movie that mostly takes place inside of a high school. Regina more than once looks like she's in a music video, and that works because shes so hyped, its like she lives in a reality where not only do people break into song, but she's always in a music video. She really sells the character, self-assured and in charge and perfectly manipulative, and even when she's being vulnerable you're like, but is this another deception? She's more villainous in this version, and by the end maybe more human as well. (also the costuming is phenomenal, that Halloween angel dress?? The entire Halloween Someone Get Hurts sequence might be my favourite. )

Also Renee Rapp, who plays Regina, is just incredibly hot. She also played Regina on Broadway so it makes sense she has the character down. Thats not film critique thats my personal admiration. Its almost a little silly with the "oh no Regina is gaining weight she cant fit her clothes" because she looks amazing. [Edit: She's also obviously - I was gonna say she seems older than the other "teens" but actually she's 24, so Im having a moment of feeling old. And she's actually the same age as Auli'i Cravalho who is a lot younger in my mind because holy shit Moana came out EIGHT years ago?? Angourie Rice/Cady is 23, Jaquel Spivy/Damian is 26, Avantika/Karen is 19, thats more the age I thought they were but not the cast seems to be mostly 23-26. Its so weird when times moves the same for people while your image of them in your head stays the same. So Rapp isn't older she's just a bit bigger (neutral/positive). And she's been playing the role for a long time. And Im allowed to find her hot because she's a goddamn adult and so am I. This paragraph is not critique it is me blogging on my blog. Now Im annoyed at myself for Caveats of Fear but Im gonna stop dwelling on that now.]

On that note, though I originally liked the musical quite a lot, the significant fatphobia in it soured it for me. And Im happy to say in the musical movie, they changed or omitted those lines. I was waiting to cringe and they just sang something else. So that was great. I think the only fat character was Damian (why does that suddenly look like a vampire name?) - Jaquel Spivy - and he seemed comfy and cool, no self deprecating fat jokes or anything. Generally the lines/jokes that were uncomfortable or a bit bigoted have been changed. Though there isnt any disability rep, and theres a random character the burn book claims puts alcohol in her inhaler, like a 3 second joke.

And the big thing is that a lot of the meanness is shown in montages of vertical video and comments - no-brand tiktok obviously - and I think thats pretty realistic, and also in the original theme of not being mean to peoples faces but talking all kinds of shit behind their backs. And I think the montage format is effective in mimicking that endless scroll eyes glazing over stuck in the doom scroll/stuck in the spectacle. The music was good. I really liked how they overlaid the Spring Fling/thematic music with the math competition. If anything, Cady is not as good of a character, her Plastic switch is basically overnight, the scene with Aaron at the party is still kinda of awkward, she doesnt get as much room to breathe, while almost everyone else comes off really well. Heck even the candy cane/glen coco guy did well, I was actually suprised at how differently and yet excellently the actors acted their lines, compared both to the previous movie and the musical. Auli'i is fantastic, scary Janis is *scary*. And I simultaneously want to be her best friend. (It certainly helps that her art is augmented with embroidery and she's carrying embroidery hoops in multiple scenes. Fiber arts my loves.)

When I first saw a trailer my thoughts were "ugh we dont need another movie of this," but I think Ive changed my mind. Its similar enough and different enough that for me its a good adaptation. Also - I almost forgot to say - Janis gets a girlfriend for Spring Fling. Its not a plot point, we're just montaging getting ready and Janis goes to pick her up (in the lavender suit), and Damian is taking photos with two other sapphic couples. And he gets a crush/admirer who again, is just there to be there and doesnt interfere with the main story. I might change my mind again once its had time to settle in my thoughts, but initial impression is that its a fun movie I would watch again. Maybe we want the social commentary to be more incisive than it is, and in the end it is entertainment that needs to not be too boring to hold peoples shortening attention spans. (also neutral). Maybe thats wishing for it to be a movie that its not trying to be, and thats always a recipe for disappointment and also not great or fair analysis. What a fantastic line to end on*.

[simmer-until-tender]

Sims tag

Thanks to those who tagged me~

1. what’s your favorite sims death?

satellite. It's so sudden and random and weird. Death be that way sometimes.

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match?

whatever makes my game look like a dog ate a box of crayons and vomited all over everything

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight?

hell nah, I have too many skinny bitches in my game as it is

4. Do you use move objects?

religiously, and then I yell at my sims when they throw routing errors

5. Favorite mod?

whichever one makes the hobby NPCs go fuck themselves

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got?

I got university from the library lol but I think the first one I owned was open for business, which was a revelation at the time. I always wanted nightlife but was too afraid to ask my mom for it cause it looked SEXY. now, as an adult, can confirm nightlife is the best one. but I am a sexual deviant, so.

7.  Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing?

in my head it's like "aLIVE" but from a linguistic perspective I gotta concede that the "LIVing" pronunciation makes more sense because it's consistent with the other modes (buy/build) which are verbs not adjectives

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made?

I hate all my loser sims I guess I have a sweet spot for a child sim I made back when I was a child. She lived in a trailer, had big droopy eyes like Brittany Spears, and was named Miami.

9.  Have you made a simself?

yeah I basically always have one but she's a townie. to play her would be weird. here's the bitch

10. What sims traits do you give yourself?

sloppy and lazy yeeeeeee

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color?

the custom mohawk colors bro

12. Favorite EA hair?

this bitch still has a hold on me

13. Favorite life stage?

I like teens, they're so sassy, getting them to do their homework sucks but also unlike children they can just get bad grades, nobody cares

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the game play?

I'm a builder but I'm trying not to give up on gameplay. It's not working.

15. Are you a CC creator?

not really, I like recoloring things to look like an 80s train-wreck though

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sims squad?

.....there are sim-cliques?

17. What’s your favorite game (1,2,3,4)?

sims 3 is hideous (sorry bout it), sims 4 has lovely landscapes but the gameplay is akin to watching paint dry. I'm sure I'll love the sims 1 once I get around to playing it. I like creepy weird stuff.

18. Do you have any sims merch?

i wouldnt let myself be seen dead in sims merch also fuck EA

19. Do you have a youtube for sims?

I have too much CC to also run a screen recorder without tons of crashing lol I have no self control

20. How has your “sims style” changed throughout your years of playing?

with every passing day i am more of a builder and more of a maximalist also i keep making animal sims now like some kind of furry *shudders*

21. What’s your origin ID?

lol just say no to origin

22. Who’s your favorite cc creator?

who made the baby bbq? them

23. How long have you had a simblr?

since 2017. I was a baby in undergrad then. making sims stories was like my therapy. now im an adult with real therapy.

24. How do you edit your pictures?

I churn them mindlessly through photoscape generally. anything else is too much work.

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next?

SIMS 2 REMASTERED

SIMS 2 REMASTERED

SIMS 2 THAT RUNS WELL ON A MODERN COMPUTER WITH SIM HANDS THAT ARE MORE THAN 7 POLYS PLZ

I'm not sure who has/hasn't done this. I'll tag @sicksadsim, @pixelatedpanic, @letomills, @snapdragoned, @ivycopur, @bubuthejedi, @lifetime-want

[nonsensical-pixels]

The Sim Tag 💚✨

i got tagged by @profesionalpartyguest and @cobycobsy2k! ty mm besties 💘

What’s your favourite sims death? -> death by cowplant. iconic.

Alpha CC or Maxis Match? -> rn i'm gravitating towards maxis match, but i've done both styles and they're both fun to play with!

Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? -> hell nah. let them live their pixel lives.

Do you use move objects? -> 24/7

Favorite mod? -> @bstu's edited gussy up. i just use it constantly, it's a must have. cba to actually send my sims to the store for clothing or wait for gussy up to go through every single menu when i just want to grab a wedding dress.

First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? -> ts3... on android. my granddad got it for me when i was ~5. ts4 pales in comparison to that grainy goodness.

Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? -> aLIVE MODE

Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? -> my profile pic sim! her name's lili. rarely use her anymore now that i've switched to true mm but that whole gang of toddlers are just so cute to me.

Have you made a simself? -> gigantoborkodoggo and me are living the high life

What sim traits do you give yourself? -> bookworm, geek, dog lover, shy, socially awkward

Which is your favorite EA hair color? -> the maxis red in ts2 (especially on nina's default hair) is just superior

Favorite EA hair? -> it's hard to decide butttt i do love a lot of the mansions & gardens hairs. especially for men.

Favorite life stage? -> toddlers in ts2. they're chaotic but i love them sm.

Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? -> im bothhh.

Are you a CC creator? -> (checks my 10-page-long downloads blog) maybe?

Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? -> a ton!! there's so many sweet people on here.

What’s your favorite game? -> ts2 foreva

Do you have any sims merch? -> i have one (1) shirt with a plumbbob that i'm too big for.

Do you have a YouTube for sims? -> i have an account for commenting on sims videos but otherwiseeee nope.

How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? -> i used to just throw in every single piece of cc i downloaded and hope for the best. at one point in my main pleasantview i had poppet, pooklet, remi, sunshine, and hard mm hairs... all thrown in at once. nowadays i stick to one style per game folder.

What’s your Origin ID? -> nonexistent

Who’s your favorite CC creator? -> there's too many to count aaaaaaa. love everyone on here and all my mutuals, you guys make HAWT cc 💖

How long have you had a simblr? -> a year and 3 months

How do you edit your pictures? -> most of the time i don't edit them at all! reshade is more than enough for me.

What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? -> i want a south-east asian inspired pack for ts4!! like i won't BUY it but my culture's rarely represented in the sims and i'd LOVE to convert that pack for ts2.

tagging my simscord besties @skittlesplays | @sunise | @oceansmotion | @makingformyonesimmer | @brattyful | @time-p1ays | @lunnaris-sims | @antoninko | @roxanna-moxie and everyone else who wants to do this! (pls don't feel too obliged to do it!! love u guys <3)

[avornalino]

Sims Tag

ty for the tag @catnipsims !!!

1. What’s your favourite sims death? this is such a morbid question but probably cow plant or meteor

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? if i had to pick one... uhh mm i think

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? no? youre weird if you do this btw. weight gain is natural :)

4. Do you use move objects? lol yeah

5. Favorite mod? realistic pregnancy, realistic childbirth, career overhaul basically any mod that makes the game harder/more realistic

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? i think it was either seasons or cats and dogs i cant remember

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? LIVing but the other way makes more sense but im not changing!

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? usually just whoevers household im playing with but i also looooooooove ms sierra o'connor with all my heart <3

9. Have you made a simself? yeah a few years back but i cant remember if i posted it

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? perfectionist, cat lover, loner (that sounds depressing tbh dont worry about me lmao)

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color? either the black that they added a few years ago or the dirty blonde

12. Favorite EA hair? that overused one from a free update

13. Favorite life stage? ya bc theres the most to do soooooooorry to everyone else

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? i build like once a year so def gameplay for me

15. Are you a CC creator? yeah i had a brief cc moment which i would like to forget ever happened

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? ummmmmm no :) jkjk @fernw00d and @periipheral <333

17. What’s your favorite game? (1, 2, 3, or 4) sadly ive only ever played ts4 and im too lazy to try the rest of them but they look fun!

18. Do you have any sims merch? god no

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? ...yeah but i privated all the videos

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? i think i used to use a lot more alpha clothes (and had a brief alpha hair phase) currently its pretty maxis match/mix

21. What’s your Origin ID? what are you a cop (i think its avornalinoo)

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator? @/fernw00d @/periipheral @/simstrouble @/okruee @/softerhaze @/awingedllama @/ridgeport and so many more i love this community

23. How long have you had a simblr? think it was august 2019 slay

24. How do you edit your pictures? crop, slap an action on it, maybe add grain and call it a day (im lazy)

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? none. i want this game to end

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? controversial but i really like discover university i think its cool and adds a lot to gameplay and sims lives overall! also seasons is super slay :)

i shall tag @periipheral @fernw00d @fizzytoo @birdietrait @prematurehag @whimpysims and anyone else who wants to do it!!

[lilioopdf]

edit: no one’s gonna see this but i talked too much and realised i should prob put a page break thing but in conclusion: we need things that make us happy. literature and history was always mine, and i tied it so deeply to my identity that i didn’t know what to do once i stopped studying those. writing helps. ive always been writing. one day i’ll be a literature student again. (even if i sob through that degree because of the papers). writing helps me believe that not all is gone and out of reach.

today my friend talked abt how he missed physics and learning about physics and exploring physics and this friend is actually really clever and i swear he’s a bit of a prodigy but anyway

he went to some event where he got to experience physics things (sorry im useless at this stuff so idk what he did) but be got to build stuff and explore labs and weird chemicals and everything

and he said he’d been reading up less on physics and engaging with it and everything because his school rejected him from physics clubs (which is insane to me bc i know some vv talented people from my old school who went to their new school and got rejected from communities theyve won national competitions in but anyway) and because of heavy academic commitments and everything (for context we live in one of the most academically rigorous countries in the world

i think i feel the same way about writing and literature in general because

writing was always so tied to literature for me and i don’t think i’ve ever remembered a time where i wasn’t even writing simple scenarios down? in 2016 i had a routine of lying on my stomach on the floor and drawing while listening to the radio and it was then that i realised that i wanted to get out of the country

but i also knew i wanted to study literature then and i knew it when i was rereading the same books at four and when it rained when i was seven and when i was drawing at 8 and at 12 before i entered secondary school and at 14 before we could even pick our subject combinations

and i was in love with literature and every single class that i went to but then my last time studying it properly didn’t turn out the way i wanted and like i wasn’t ever able to actually move on from it because it’s always been so tied to my personality

like i was always so history and english oriented and im not bad at other things bc i do it well when i want to but my languages and humanities were always up there

like id have a basic conversation with someone and then they’d go and tell someone’s else how well spoken i was or like id always be put at the front of school events and important events even with ministers just for my communication skills and like ive always attributed it to like everything literature like id tell myself oh must be because im a lit student and this and that

and even at this new place i realised not everyone wants to actually work in art history and music and theatre and dance and so i felt okay enough to tell people i would probably go into comms/pr and the first thing people would say was oh that suits you so much actually

and tbh ive never considered communications before this year but childhood friends and teachers always said they could picture me as a reporter or journalist even when i had no plans of doing that and look how it actually turned out to be kinda true so that’s kinda cool

ive been yapping so much in this post but my point is that i genuinely didn’t know what to do with myself when i stopped properly studying english lit this year. my english lit teacher (so so good by the way, i had the best and most loveliest teachers ever) is not even in the school anymore because she got promoted to somewhere really good and doesn’t even teach lit anymore.

but like idk writing makes me think it’ll be okay. im studying art history rn which is cool i love it but i think ill always be reaching out for literature no matter where i’m at and my friend put it perfectly when he said his event gave him “a glimpse into the life (he’s) always dreamt of pursuing”

like yeah i think we all need something that helps us hold onto hope especially in such a shitty world and i think 8 year old me would love this and i talked a lot but i needed to get it out because i beat myself up for not taking literature again but maybe not all is lost, just a little harder to find

[bradleymarshall]

It’s like my only option in life is to be rich

I can’t afford a maid

Dishwasher atm is fine

I’ll buy heaps of pans and plates and just stack the dishwasher until it’s full to wash

Won’t touch a plate in my life

Unless I have to

Not every day though

Maid can do that eventually

Just a ridiculous existence

How can I even relate to anyone at all

My experiences are so fucking skewed and left of centre I can’t even explain to a counseller how I feel

You know

I can’t wash the dishes or use a shower

Oh wtf

Yeah I don’t eat anything from any restaurant

Like people ask me

How do you live

I don’t even know

The only way through is to be rich

Then I can afford 50,000 to casually hook up my whole house to bore water

And to cancel my students cause I don’t teach them

They attend my school of music

And I just fly anywhere the fuck I want just doing podcasts

And being openly gay

And making content

If I was rich

I could have a studio

Where I record music

Have green screens

Have a room for props

I wouldn’t have to have my bedroom full of equipment

I could actually make it a bedroom to film scenes in that I don’t have to rearrange every time I film

How the fuck is anyone supposed to relate to me as a genuine connection

Jordan or Adam

Short of casual sex

It’s a miracle anyone can be attracted to me given how fucked up everything is

If I was rich

I could install bore water across my whole house inside a faraday house cage

And then I could shower like everyone else

And wash my hands without fear

Like I need to be rich enough to hire a maid before my parents die

Like how the fuck

I can’t even washes dishes without my fingers falling off

How pathetic

I can put the dishes in the dishwasher

But the pan

I need to be able to wash the pan without touching the soap

It’s just ridiculous

Too hard basket

Just buy 7 pans haha

And hire a cleaner for an hour for 1 hour a week to fucking do everything

Idk everything is just a massive head fuck

Philippines

It’s all there

Permanent maid

Showers

Bore Water

Maybe when I’m rich I’ll just fly Adam to the Phillipines where he can’t escape my love island

But by then I’ll be rich enough to have it in my house in Melbourne

Even the fucking heater is a headfuck

Elaine likes it on

I want it off

But I don’t want to live alone

So what

Solution: have an illusion gas fireplace where the heat isn’t dry? Can there even be a humid heat

Just fucking have a jet engine humidifier going so the whole house feels like it’s on the equator

Move to Queensland

Lose all my contacts here

Crown Maria

They don’t even know im gay

Such a fucking headache

Idk how many millions id have to spend to make it all work eventually

I definitely think my fingers are so bad because of the heater and dish washing

It’s just drying them out so much

Idk what to do

Even a counseller would be like

Idk bro

Doctors and counsellers are all useless haha

It’s too specific

A problem

Bore water

Use boiling water to wash the pan

Only use soap at the end once already clean

Use a long sponge with a handle so there’s no contact

I’m like a fucking retard boy in the bubble

I may as well should sleep in glass oxygen like MJ

My life’s a literal punch line to a joke

Gay retard with everything falling apart from skin to life

And the only thing holding him together is his intj Bruce Wayne brain

If not, he’d most likely be dead

Like dazelle

How many years will it take

Fucking 5?

Until I push this shit up hill

I need to just spend every day behind a computer editing

I promise to never get a normal job

Even that masters of teaching position I’ll fuck off

But idk

Maybe I’ll want to teach down the track

Vcass sounds so fun to teach at idk

Not a luxury life though

How is it

Out of all the people that I’ve seen in my life

Only you, Jasmine,

Seem to stay

And that’s it out of everyone

Everyone

Is it really that hard to stay in contact with people

Xavier, Belle, Tim smith my vocal coach, Benjamin Martin, it’s like, people come and go like the wind. There’s barely any constants but yourself. Life is a horrible tragic experience if you just look around

That song glimpses is so true

It’s only the glimpses of happiness among the oceans of bullshit that make it worth it remotely

Otherwise he “would kill my self today”

Amen

To that

Is the only way people can stay close to me is if they had a romantic sexual attraction to me initially

I wonder

Is there anyone platonic who stayed with me

Xavier

I don’t trust

Is there anyone?

lol

I sound like I’m having a full scale mental break Down again but I’m just venting

“If I have peace, let it last beyond the day”

I want to write a song like that

It’s my favourite song

I come back to it every few months

Him post Malone and Reagan beam haha

I haven’t read a book in so long cause I fear I don’t have time to escape anymore

I’m like those are the things you can do in old age when no one no longer cares for your looks

You know all this is selfish in a way

Cause I talk to you

Cause I feel like my story is so complex the counseller won’t have time in an hour to understand wtf is going on so it’s a waste of time unless I just present one problem to him

But I don’t even know what problem to present first. At least you know everything.

I just feel shithouse for so long now. And now ever since a few weeks back I feel even more shithouse haha

At least I’ve found peace making content with Jasmine laughing there

I love those moments in transit between places where you’re forced to waste time

Like on a plane or on a train

It’s like those long trips

Even to my gigs

Are my breath of fresh air where there’s a few hours up my sleeve I can afford to waste time and I can relax.

It’s like when I’m at home, I’m just sprinting as fast as I can every second, and it’s like I’ve hit a wall and I’m so exhausted. And everything is burning up at the same time, like how can I feel so attracted to boys and also afraid at the same time. wtf is going on

Maybe its only half gay

Maybe the other half is spiritual and intellectual height, which makes you feel lonely among everyone else

Why I can only seem to keep you and jasmine

[thesugarhole]

how do i actually finish cookie clicker though. like my current goal is to get 700 of the last building before the new last building in the beta gets in the wild. im 11 units away, which, for the sake of simplification, cost 220 000 cookies. i currently make 1.3 per second (with multiplier: raw is 0.6). the closest i ever gotten to the number required was with either 2 building specials + 1 elder frenzy or 3 building specials, + click frenzy + frenzy + godzamok + loans + golden cookie button. and once it was over it netted me about 60 000 cookies.

like its fine, for now, i have to waste fthof spells until i get to a good combo of this style. while i dont, i optimize it for idle because im not gonna go constantly back to it to click cookies.

but once im at 700, then what? well, i plan to 800 every building but thats not the goal here. the goal is to get the remaining achievements, and im missing three. the last cookies per second one, and the last two baked all time ones.

for simplifications sake, these are 1 cps (hence why i mentioned raw before- i technically already have it, but it doesnt count), 1 000 000 cookies per ascension, and 1 000 000 000 cookies per ascension.

you see my problem here.

i get its a LOOOOONG game but im like. at peak dead zone of it because its ALMOST over but that almost? in one trillion years. on a good day

once the game updates ill get these almost instantly since it adds a new income source, but its a literal case of goal post moved because new achievements are also introduced to replace them

i dunno. ive been at this for maybe 4, 5 years now, it would be nice to have that final closure. but i just dont get how, what sort of super combo i would need to get me realistically close, and how to replicate it enough times.

id be so happy if this was the most of my worries though. like imagine that. person in the world so carefree the only stress inducer is no full achievos on cookie clicker. alas

edit if it matters: i do play the stock market rather extremely (as i already have all the related achievos): buy when a stock is worth under 10$, sell when its worth over 100$ (150$ish if its the higher grossing ones). this doesnt make a dent in numbers, at best its 2-3 days worth of cookies, based on raw, so about 1.2 to 2 cookies.

i have the garden frozen most of the time and only unfreeze it for combos, planting golden clovers on clay to get the golden cookies to spawn faster. i have been considering using it to either up my cps or for extra cookies when mature but, i havent really worked out a solution im satisfied with that wouldnt need me micromanaging it.

radiant apetite (permanent x2) and reality bending (one tenth of everything else combined) on krumblor. all cookies. all upgrades. all grandma stages. grandmatriach rage or whatever its called is active when idle, i turn it off when i go to combo.

[woelfpack]

what’s the test and what does it do?

universe, are you trying to give me a reason to slow down?

i don't need one, i promise i’ll listen some other way

see, i’ve already been making some changes.

i’ve been moving, and sleeping.

i’ve been forcing myself to close my eyes.

i just got scared, that's all, and i can’t go back to sleep

id rather talk to you

talk to myself

no editing, im softly typing in the dark with nails i’m growing out in crisis

to prove to myself i am still part of my grandmother and my aunt and the great women who have died before me

it was a covid impulse, but now its just something i can control and try out\

and why not try to be someone else every once in a while? 

i’m really quite cool, i just don't see it.

i mean look at all i’ve done, i’m so grateful for the path.

but am i grateful enough? i don't hear your voice in the trees the way i used to. i hide from you.

that’s how i know something is deeply wrong. 

i’m writing my thesis, i’m healing, i’m working, i’m making money, i have such wonderful opportunities and i’ve met such great people. i’m closer to my family. i’m growing up, and i see what’s really important. it’s so scary. 

if we live to see it end, which i fear we will, i pray we’re healthy and we have the lives we dreamt of.

if you’ve forgotten your dream the way I have, I hope you find it. 

shit lets find them together.

meet back here sometime next week.

[caffeinewitchcraft]

“There are a lot of mistakes in your writing”

uh yeah i know i put them there for ✨spice✨

[haikyuu-bf-scenarios]

Bokuto Kotaro: Second Encounter

First Meeting

i finally left my job at a restaurant which was very stressful so now i have much more time and i finally made my way back to my haikyuu fixation. im gonna try my hardest to knock a few of these out in quick succession

*edited*

“no more stolen hoodies?” Kuroo

“you are not who i want to see ever again, cat bastard”

“youre so mean to me you know that?”

“what do you want from me, Kuroo?”

“would you be nicer if it was Bo asking you?”

“i want to break you in half”

the rest of the class continued on in a similar manner

once the class had ended you tried to speed out of there and away from him

but the cheeky fuck followed you

when he caught up - 

which didnt take long bc of his stupid long legs -

he threw an arm over your shoulder and stirred you in the opposite direction as you were going

“what the hell are you doing? i want to go back to my dorm, thank you very much”

“well you seemed so interested in volleyball the other day i thought id bring you to practice with me today”

“ah no nonono!”

you start pushing against him trying to turn away but he just pulled you closer making escape impossible

“oh whats the big deal! i was under the impression that you loved volleyball”

“you are such an asshole! you know that?” you continued to struggle but you were already being pulled into the gym

“i hate you kuroo, i hate you sooooo much”

“whats wrong with volleyball?”

“nothing i just dont want to-”

“woah arent you the person who took my hoodie?” a very excited, very familiar voice yelled

and it shut you right up

“what are you doing here, are you gonna watch us play?!”

“yes they are. they practically begged me to come today, what with their huge-”

you jabbed your elbow into Kuroo’s side

“i told you its not like that, cat bastard”

Kuroo held his side groaning “duly noted, ah”

he clapped his hand on your shoulders and shoved you onto a bleacher

“how bout you just sit there before i regret bringing you here anymore than i do already”

“hey youre the one that forced me here”

he waved you off as he walked away to get changed

“wow you piss him off almost as much as i do”

“hmm, not as much as he pisses me off”

you started to pull your computer from your bag

if you were gonna be here for the next few hours may as well get some work done

“youre doing homework?”

“uh yeah? Kuroo kinda forced me here so i might as well”

“i thought you came to watch practice?”

you looked at him and felt all of your resolve soften

he just looked so sweet and innocent, you felt like you were breaking his heart

you answered him with what you hoped was a sweet smile, “ah, he kind of just grabbed me without asking. i’ll probably end up watching you play anyways, my focus isnt the best”

“Bokuto, lets go!” one of his teammates called for him to join their practice

“ah, i have to go now but hey, if you happen to space out just focus on me instead!”

‘is he, is he flirting with me???’

“yeah, sure...” you muttered dazed but he was already jogging onto the court

“Bokuto’s too dumb to consciously flirt with someone”

“excuse me?” you turned to Kuroo, who had just come from the locker room, “what is that supposed to mean??��

“it means dont take it the wrong way, (l/n), hes very oblivious”

you were going to respond but he had already moved away from the bleachers leaving you to scoff to yourself

‘what a dick’

you finally opened your computer to begin your work for your psych class

‘when that cat bastard inevitably needs help with this essay, hes gonna have to go somewhere else for help’

the team had finally stopped a while later for a small break

by that point you had given up on trying to write that essay

the noise from the boys (the balls and the arguing and the yelling) had kept you from focusing very well

not to mention watching Bokuto play was,,,, engaging to say the least

as the boys dispersed, him and Kuroo made their way to you, having set their stuff next to you at a previous water break

“so you finally gave up, huh, (l/n)?”

“shut up, Kuroo, yall are loud. itd be hard for anyone to concentrate”

“excuses, excuses” he teased, sitting down on the floor to your left

“besides watching you guys play is actually pretty cool”

to your right, however, Bokuto pulled off his gym shirt before starting to chug his water

“not to mention very,,,, distracting” that came much breathier than you would have liked

‘no one should be allowed to look that good without a shirt on, fuck’

“wow, Bo, very brave stripping in front of our company”

“huh?” he looked down at you two like he hadnt just done exactly that

when he laid eyes on you he started to apologize, realizing what was going on

“im sorry, im sorry, ill put it back on!”

you chuckled along with the rest of the team, feeling glad that you werent the one being teased for once, but also slightly bad

“its chill, Bokuto, I know you must be hot from playing so much”

he stopped himself from throwing the shirt back on, “really? thanks!”

“besides you could always consider this repayment for seeing (y/n) topless the other day”

“Kuroo Tetsurou, you shut your whore mouth!!”

this queued a bombardment of questions from the rest of the team

which Kuroo gladly explained, with an occasional kick in the knee from you when he started to tell it wrong

“ah Kuroo, you’re an awful person” Bokuto whined

“thank you!” your exclamation caused another ripple of snickers

the team engaged themselves into a different conversation while you gazed at Bokuto

“here,” you snatched Kuroo’s towel from him, completely ignoring his protests, “why dont you use this instead, no point in making your shirt even more sweaty”

you tossed it to Bokuto so he wouldnt have to use his recently discarded shirt

“thank you!”

Kuroo flicked your shin bringing your attention toward him

“hey that was mine”

“yeah, and?”

“and, what am i supposed to use now??”

“use your shirt, or maybe your jacket”

“you absolutely suck you know that”

“not as much as you”

he couldnt reply bc their coach called them back to practice

he gave you one last glare before running to his coach with Bokuto not far behind him

when practice finally came to a close the boys collected their stuff and walked out the door with you

once the cold air hit you hugged yourself, trying to bring some warmth back

“are you cold, (y/n)?”

Bokuto always made the cutest face in your everyones opinion

“yeah a little bit, i wasnt expecting to be out this late so i dont have a jacket or anything”

“here,” he reached into his bag an pulled out his volleyball hoodie, “you can wear this”

“you sure, wont you be cold then”

“nah, im still pumped from those matches!”

ah, im too tired for his endless energy right now

“how can you still have so much energy, Bo”

“i don know,” he shrugged, “but here wear it”

he shoved it into your hands, you set your stuff down before pulling it on

yup, just as nice and warm as you remember it being 

you shoved your hands in the front pouch as you continued walking

once you got to the point where you either go to the south dorms or the north dorms Kuroo said his goodbyes

“see ya, im ready to pass out”

“see ya, man”

“deuces, cat bastard” you snuck in

he gave you slick smirk, oh he wasnt done fucking with you just yet

“yeah, yeah, just make sure you make it inside before you two decide to start making-”

“dont you dare finish that sentence!”

he jogged away laughing before you could hit him

you huffed in annoyance as you turned back to Bokuto

“shall we continue?”

“you two dont get along very well, do you?”

“me and Kuroo? eh, we get along, as long as he keeps his mouth shut”

you added and an inaudible “fucking cat bastard” 

“hmm”

the rest of the trip was oddly silent for Bokuto’s personality, you assume its because the fatigue has finally caught up to him

although he did make the effort to drop you off at your dorm room

he didnt ask for his hoodie back, however

oh well, yours for now :p

masterlist

[shhh-no-ones-home]

cake walk bucky barnes x reader

+++++++++

Inspo can be found here, i really liked the idea and kinda ran with it lol

sorry ive been away for a while. ive been in a shit mindset but things around me are changing again and im hoping for the better. im away from home this week and figured id finally finish this, as well as restart the marvel shows on netflix so expect some new daredevil and punisher one shots in the near future 😁

also this is like half edited so if it sucks or i forgot to fix anything sorry

Song: soft by motionless in white

tag list: @cynic-spirit +++++++++

Bucky had been super tired lately. He had been having nightmares here and there and though he hadn't had one in a while he was still worried he'd hurt me in his sleep. So he was currently taking a nap in our shared room at the compound. We were only here for a few days to train new recruits and then we would all be back to our own homes. Me and buck, Sam, Clint, even Scott showed up. But then again he was always excited to be part of the team. Now I was in the kitchen like I usually was, stress-baking. But just to be safe, and per his request, I had a camera on buck while he slept to make sure he was still okay and I could rush to our room if he needed me.

So I stood at the island, gathering ingredients and singing softly to myself. not unusual for me to do, it was a good distraction after all and everyone else loved it because it made the place smell great. that and they all loved the many cakes, cookies, muffins, breads, and other baked goods I decided to make. a lovely thought really, one that brought a smile to my face as I began measuring out the dry ingredients. when I turned to look at the monitor though Bucky was gone, making me set the flour back onto the counter. Panic set in immediately. I tapped the screen twice, hitting the tracking cam on his watch and the footage coming up. I sighed deeply as I saw the blurry side video of Bucky murder-stomping his way through the halls. I tapped my own watch quickly.

"attention we have a 'wolf out of containment.' if you see him direct him to the kitchen but do not engage. If you wake him he'll hurt himself."

I said into it, rolling my eyes at the code name, and looking back to the monitor in worry. I heard my voice echo off the walls as he stepped towards the sound. One of the agents was walking down the hall and paused when he saw Bucky, rage behind his eyes as he got closer. Now Bucky was holding him harshly in his metal hand.

"Where is she?"

He said through gritted teeth and i could see both of their faces in the view on my watch.

"Kitchen. Down the hall to the left."

The agent squeaked out. Bucky threw him to the ground quickly before making his way down the hall. I double tapped the monitor again as he turned into the room. There was an intensity and pain strewn across his features as he made his way to me. whatever nightmare this was it had a full hold of him. he had been sleep walking a lot recently but it had never gotten this bad. but he knew what to do, even unconscious. Before he even made it to the table across the room Sam was rushing in behind hi, coming to a screeching halt when he realized what was happening to his best friend.

"I heard the code. Is everything okay?"

He asked and Bucky turned around, throwing a punch his way and him ducking. he made a scared face as he stood back up ready to fight.

"At ease soldier!"

I yelled and Bucky froze, mid motion as he began to throw another. He looked over his shoulder at me, seething, breathing heavy, eyes glazed over.

"Come here."

I said softly. He sent Sam a glare before doing as told, backing his way to the counter where i was standing. he never once stopped looking at Sam, or the other few agents that came rushing in with guns. that definitely didn't help.

"do you need help?"

one of them asked, looking between me and Bucky as he plucked a knife out of the wood block on the counter, holding it in a defensive position as he stood in front of me.

"no, I don't need help. Sam and I can take care of this."

i said matter-of-factly, the agent speaking into their watch and all three of them lowering their guns.

"just leave us be. everything is fine. if i need anything ill call."

they all nodded hesitantly, looking to Sam briefly before leaving. i sighed out when they were finally out of sight, side stepping buck and going back to measuring my sugar and vanilla.

"He sleep walking again?"

Sam asked quietly, stepping very slowly around the table and I nodded, moving to put mix my dry ingredients together. Bucky stood next to me, fist clenched tight around the knife as he watched Sam's every move with vigorous intent. I pulled one of the stools out from under the counter before grabbing a spoon and mixing the wet and dry ingredients together to make the cookie dough.

"Sit."

I offered buck and he sent me a confused looked. I glared at him and he did as told.

"Sam you mind setting a timer on that pad for twelve minutes?"

He nodded and did as told, stepping closer but not close enough for buck to do anything about it. they stared at each other as I molded the dough into balls on a tray.

"has this been happening a lot recently?"

Sam asked and i nodded, pushing the chocolate chips off the ends of my fingers.

"it hasn't been full mission before, and this one is lasting much longer."

i noted, washing my hands in the sink to the right of the counter.

"how do you know what to do?"

i let out a nervous laugh, tucking the tray of cookies into the hot oven behind me.

"in all actuality, I don't. I'm just hoping that the things I've tried before work. "

Bucky looked between me and Sam as I stood back up, drying my hands on the towel and moving to touch his cheek gently. he flinched for a second, staring at me as i tucked his hair behind his ear.

"its okay soldat. you can relax, he's not going to hurt me. he's my friend."

i said very softly, looking over his eyes as he turned back to Sam.

"put the knife down."

i said just above a whisper, moving to stand behind him. i began slowly running my fingers through his hair. he still held the knife tightly as i started to hum along to one of his favorite songs from his childhood. he had shared it with me sometime after we had moved in together. it had been my savior more than once.

"does that work?"

Sam asked and i sent him a look, trying to get Bucky to lean back into my chest. he kept jolting himself back up, fighting the urge to close his eyes. as I got to the end of the song though he had his head completely rested against me, body limp, and knife clattering to the rug beneath us. he had fallen back into a deep sleep, snoring softly as I continued to finger comb his hair.

"yes Samuel, it works."

i said, and then the timer went off. Bucky jolted upright, the stool shaking as i leaned forward and caught him before he fell off. I held his shoulders as he breathed heavily, looking around in deep confusion.

"Sam?"

he asked before looking back at me and drawing his brows.

"hey baby, its okay. I'm sorry we woke you."

he turned to me and took my hand.

"y/n, why am I in the kitchen?"

i let out a nervous laugh, letting him go and getting my cookies out of the oven.

"you were sleep walking again."

he groaned, standing up and freezing when he looked down.

"I didn't hurt anyone... did I?"

he said horrified as he picked the knife up. i shook my head frantically, taking it from him and putting it back in the block.

"no! no no no. baby you did not."

i said quickly through one breath, placing my hands on either side of his face. he looked like he was going to cry.

"hey, no, look at me. James. you didn't hurt anybody. I dropped the knife in surprise when you came in here. it had nothing to do with you."

Sam sent me a sad look as i tried to calm Bucky down.

"you're sure?"

he asked pained and i pulled him into a tight hug, cradling his head in my hand and mouthing to Sam to not say anything.

"yes Jamie I am sure. you are perfectly fine. scared the shit out of some agents. but no more."

he took in a shaky breath.

"i scared you."

he repeated just above a whisper and i pulled him away from me, holding his head in my hands and looking between his eyes.

"you just caught me by surprise, nothing we haven't been through before."

he sighed heavily and closed his eyes. i kissed his forehead gently.

"hey, now that you're awake, you want a cookie?"

i asked and he looked up at me, offering a small smile.

"uh, yeah, id love one."

i nodded once before turning and carefully taking one off the tray and placing it on one of the dry paper towels sat on the counter in front of him.

"made especially for my buckaroo."

i said and he laughed lightly before taking a bite. he was none the wiser and Sam sent me a testing look.

"Sam?"

i asked, holding one out to him and he took it begrudgingly. i went back to finger combing Bucky's hair as he snatched another. sending me a genuine smile as he chewed. i shared another knowing glance with Sam before he pulled another bar stool out and sat across from us.

"these are pretty good y/n, wish we could share with more of the guys here."

he said and i sent him a look.

"well i guess we'll just have to save them some for later. I'm sure they're all very busy right now with other important things."

i said a little condescendingly and he shook his head.

"so uh, i don't know what's happening but if i sit here any longer there wont be any left for anyone else. what do you say we go for a walk or something?"

Bucky said with a smile and i nodded, smiling back.

"i think that's a great idea. Sam?"

he looked from Bucky to me and to the tray.

"uh you guys go ahead. ill make sure these get to the guys, and that the recipe doesn't make its way into their daily reports."

i took Bucky's hand as he stood and nodded once at Sam in understanding. he was going to make sure no one got word of Bucky's incident, just in case. he was getting better after all.

"thanks Sam, it means a lot. come on buck, lets get some air."

[mosilion]

living at a crossroads

looking back with regret. the time ive had and the time ive wasted, dreams of another me who chose differently

ive been with my partner in the countryside for almost a year now but its looking like that time is coming to a close. originally we were looking to buy a house here as impulsive as that was. we didnt buy but found a nice little place to rent for cheap on a nice little farm on a picturesque little ridge, in the foothills of the berkshires.

i didnt spend as much time outside though this year, compared to last year when we were in monticello, ny. i didnt go for walks, didnt go foraging in the woods, didnt go swimming. i did do these things but only once or twice all year while the sun was still out and the air was still warm.

ive started going for walks regularly up and down my street, but only recently in the last few weeks, and now its getting colder and darker and looking like we’ll have to leave. go move to the city where the jobs are and the schools are and the opportunities and the people and the rats and the cockroaches and trash and smelly streets and the tiny apartments and everything too expensive for my meager grad student salary.

at least there will be people? at least there will be things to do? will there still be covid? will another wave swell this winter?

instead stayed inside, on my computer, staying up all night in a foolish desperate strain to seize something more of the day. stiffening my muscles and worsening my posture. started going to physical therapy. im basically geriatric at this point all hunched over. i should be doing my stretches regularly and getting more exercise to make any progress.

i made some progress on my phd, at least? how many struggling hours paralyzed, stuck in cycles of dissolution before finally writing a few more paragraphs, finally editing the paper id been sitting on for months or years even, still it persists. but even in all my time not doing school work i dont pursue my interests, i dont read books, i dont make music. through much of the pandemic i was involved in some reading groups for fun which were interesting and gave me something else to keep up with. after a while those all eventually died out sometime this year and now theres none left. everyones so flaky even online, or especially?

not having any friends around to share it with, it feels like i cant fully acknowledge the beauty of this place, except now in fleeting moments of mourning. just living with my partner, the two of us in this little house grinding our gears, theyre so busy with work and school and being a diligent worker, what am i then just spinning my wheels and dissipating life energy into squander.

we knew a few people living in the valley 30-50min away, we saw them once or twice, in the spring. was it our fault for not reaching out more? we talked about barbecuing once it was warm out but never heard from them again, never got a text or an invite or a hows it going. whys it so hard to make friends, do i just have to be persistent? feels like trying to trick someone into wanting to be around me. i dont want to force it, i dont want to impose myself, please just think of me and reach out someone, for once.

i had hoped that some friends might visit us, i think it could have been really fun. i tried to coax people, many times, got some empty promises that never materialized. nobody came, its too far away, people are too busy, life weighs you down. now its cold and we will leave and the opportunity will never come again. maybe in ten years if i do buy a house in the country some day. but im not sure if ill ever get to live here again though. it is beautiful, but a bit too remote. i would have loved to go hiking, go swimming, just be outside with my friends. my best memories in life are being outside with my friends. theyre all from years ago, those things haven’t happened too often. why dont i go do these things myself, whats stopping me?

i found today through some social media creeping that someone i dont know but have many mutuals with lives here too. bought a house with their parter and moved here this year, just as my partner and i were planning to do. i found the house and its only a five minute drive from where we live. the closest store of any kind is 10min away, the closest major town with an actual grocery store is 30. i imagine what it might have been like had we known this couple this whole year, actually knew some other people our age in the same f**king town in the middle of nowhere!!! i shouldnt think about this too much, its too painful.

at least ill have some friends in the city though, right? wont i, or will it be another repeat of empty intensions and unfulfilled expectations. will i have someone to talk to? to talk about the things my partner cant engage with me on? i see them all the time every day but theyre still so busy and preoccupied as to feel often distant in a way. relational dysfunction. hardly have sex anymore. its too much to rely on one person for all these things and be around each other for so long. and so many things they would just never be interested in or able to engage with that are so core to me i need someone to engage with. idk maybe im too much of a niche weirdo to be understood, need some more normal interests. need to be on campus so i can actually talk with people about my work, but i never enjoyed it around campus either, i would always just stay home instead and fail to get anything done as always. in the pandemic i have actually managed to get more done then in previous years but its still a struggle.

im afraid even in a room of people i will still feel alone and alienated, stuck feeling thats its all just shallow and fake, because what genuine human connection is even possible? who even has the time of day anymore, anyway.

will i remember this year or will it just fade away as a blur of time lost. does life still happen if there are no memories or people to share experiences with. will i ever get up and live my life or just be stuck mourning each day for what was lost in stagnation, an impotent grasping at fantasies

[ready-to-obeyme]

[OM!] (American) College!AU Demon Brothers

Scenario: Headcanons on the demon brothers as college students (specifically in the US because I don’t know how college works elsewhere), their possible majors, career goals, extracurriculars, ~GPA~ and whatever else I could think of + how meet you in college

Note: I’m hoping to do a Part 2 with the Undateables but honestly… we’ll see lol. This is based off something ~A~ and I thought of for our specific university but we’ve made it broad enough to share HAHA this turned out VERY long

- 

Lucifer

Majoring in Political Sciences with a minor in Psychology

Pre-Law-- most likely immigration law or child custody (there’s definitely a backstory here)

Initially went to community college for the first two years to save up money to take care of his younger siblings

Rejected an offer to go to an Ivy League because it was too expensive; if his siblings ever found out they’d be furious that he’d give up on that chance, but he knows he can succeed wherever he goes (and besides, family is first) 

Transferred into a 4-year university his junior year 

Very high GPA-- VERY

In a professional fraternity with Diavolo and Barbatos 

He didn’t think he’d join one either but Diavolo was the vice chair when he transferred in and the president the year after so… ~nepotism?~ and also Lucifer is charming as heck so no surprise he’d get in

Also rooms with Diavolo and Barbatos

Goes to the gym regularly just to keep fit; gets goaded by Diavolo and Satan into joining an IM team with his frat brothers and actual brothers-- probably basketball or flag football

Probably meets you at a interclub council meeting and mutters under his breath how useless the board members are and you overhear 

“Never have I met more incompetent people.”

“Lmao mood”

“!!!”

Keeps sitting next to you at every interclub meeting then after because at least there’s someone that can keep his mind stimulated (thinks you’re hot if you’re competent btw)

If you somehow meet him on campus, he’s the type of guy to put his hand up and pretend he didn’t see you (just kidding, he always ends up saying hi anyways) 

Will Absolutely Lecture You if you are procrastinating on studying especially if your midterm is, like, TOMORROW

Always ends up studying with him because he’s actually focused on studying and glares at you if you get distracted (but hey you get good scores in the end)

Mammon

Majoring in Business Econ/Economics, Minoring in Statistics

(always ends up in the middle of the “is econ a humanities or a STEM major” debate that leaves him left for dead) 

Planning to work in Business as Finance -- probably has been treasurer or finance director for a club; can even see him being a banker if it suits his plans better

Goes to a four-year university

Decent GPA (or Lucifer would absolutely destroy him), and does REALLY well in mathematics classes

Would room with Lucifer and his posse if they all go to the same school 

Probably in a Business Frat as well because he’s pretty charismatic when it comes down to it but  was an RA for some of his years for the free rooming and dining hall privileges 

Is a very chill and understanding RA (as in he smokes weed with you when he’s off-duty) but is surprisingly well-versed in dealing with roommate issues

Works part-time (gasp) to buy stuff off of Amazon and go out to places 

Spends a lot of time exploring places with his friends, going hiking, rock-climbing, clubbing-- which is expensive, as it turns out, so he needed to be able to afford it somehow

Meets you when you’re eating your lunch outside somewhere and he asks you if you have a dollar he could borrow for a vending machine snack

You exchange numbers with him so he can pay it back (even though you honestly don’t really need it, but why not) and turns out he’s in your GE class

“Heyyy wassup! So glad I have a friend in this class” 

“Oh by the way, did you finish the homework? Haha, I forgot it.” 

Mammon always repays you for your help in food though so you aren’t complaining

Leviathan

Majoring in Computer Sciences

And honestly that’s too much for me already-- the man is doing computer programming, coding-- WHEW-- and they do NOT rest

Goes to a community college but honestly has no problems cinching internships. The computer is his domain-- online applications are EASY, doing projects NOT as easy, interviews? HARD-- REALLY HARD (someone help him)

Probably intends to work with a big company like Google if only to help supply his income so he can live his life going to AX and buying merch 

Most likely moved out of his house mid-college with his online friends (who are luckily compatible with him living-space wise) and visits home once a week 

There’s two potential sides you can meet first: 

Either you meet him at a convention and you both gush about the same character and anime and somehow find each other online (not college related) 

Or his favorite Ruri-chan keychain gets broken off in the computer lab, and you’re the one running after him to give it him

He may or may not owe you his life after that (and if you enjoy anime, well that’s a bonus)

Both of these meetings can happen if he doesn’t recognize you in class because you were in cosplay-- imagine the surprise

The two of you as friends are MASTER PROCRASTINATORS at every assignment the two of you have-- so low-key not a great influence-- but you have fun together watching animes, playing games, talking about life-- anything but actual work 

Always ends up scrambling to finish things-- but he keeps doing it because it’s been working for him so far

You help him prepare for interviews because he’s always nervous before each one regardless of how well his application looks

Satan

Majoring in Comparative Literature AND Anthropology (ya boy is doing the whole nine yards)

Planning to get his Master’s and then a PhD in one of his majors (whichever proves to be more engaging for him)-- visibly excited to become a Professor

College was meant for Satan-- like REALLY; the man is in LOVE with learning; most likely to go and be accepted to an Ivy-League after Lucifer but... truly believes you can get a good education anywhere so it depends on his financial standing (and how much scholarship he gets)

Does get a little disgruntled when his classes aren’t available but doesn’t mind learning something new-- if the professor bores him to death, he’ll read the book

Really good at tutoring people; someone suggests that he works as a peer-learning facilitator/writing tutor and he does-- might as well make bank doing something you always do anyways   

Joins a writing/journal club as an extracurricular and a club that provides tutoring services to the underserved community-- surprisingly good with kids!

He knows friends in high places, so if he wanted to, could get into any party without batting an eye and his favorite professors love him

Spends a lot of his time going out to the city and exploring places, similarly to Mammon, rock-climbing, hiking, paragliding-- anything

He is VERY well-rounded as you can see; competes with Lucifer to see whose GPA is better though

You probably meet him during office hours, and you can only stare in awe as he asks questions that you had in mind, but better; if you’re visibly confused about something, he’ll take his time to help you too (it’s habit at this point)

Ask him for his contact info and you’ll get it, and maybe repay him in coffee? (You always see him at the cafe on campus.) 

Most likely to have a specific spot in a cafe that he is always at that the workers actually save a spot for him or give him his usual order before he even arrives-- may or may not have helped them edit their essays or with their homework as a thank-you so you KNOW they’ll love him forever

The type of person to help you make flashcards and cram if you need it

Asmodeus

Majoring in Dance and Fine Arts (I HC going to NYU specifically)

Considering going for an Master of Fine Arts degree but he might just move to New York and go for being a Broadway Star

College is mainly just training for him and hoping to land gigs in local theater-- and the university theater if there is one-- and building his resume for his big break 

Has SO many extracurriculars, all pertaining to his career choice, but also because he enjoys what he does: drama, competitive dance team, acapella, fashion design

Makes an unbelievable amount of friends, incredibly good at networking

The first time you saw him was when he was performing for a local theater and you were in love with his performance, and the next time you saw him in the hallway of a classroom building, you told him how much you enjoyed it

Always accepts compliments about his looks with grace, but there’s something about truly being admired for his acting and singing that has him preening

Invites you to come out to his next performance, and if not his, then to another play-- and it can be a date, but up to you ;) 

The man is the KING of Multiple Talents and has big dreams to match 

Always finds a way to hang out with you and drag you to every club that he can use his fake-id for (and when he’s actually 21 and above, gets a little offended that he doesn’t get ID’d) 

A night in the town with you is always a good night! 

Sometimes when he has practical exams coming up, he asks you to watch him perform-- and he likes your compliments but actually takes getting all the moves seriously so you better pay attention!

Most likely to move far away to reach his dreams, but he would take you with him if he could-- his little star

Beelzebub

Majoring in Physiological Sciences

Pre-Nursing or Pre-Sports Medicine 

He’s a little undecided, but he’s definitely going to go into the health field because he likes the idea of being able to use his strength to help others

Gets a scholarship from the university because he’s part of the football team, which is actually pretty hard on him because Fall Semester/Quarter he has to keep skipping classes for games  

Always brings a snack to eat with him during lecture-- and is not afraid to bring his entire lunch and make it right in the front row, though he tends to stick to the back because they tend to have electrical plugs 

You most likely meet him during lecture: he offers you an entire sandwich (not a chip bag, not fruit snacks, an entire LUNCH) because he heard your stomach growl during class 

From then on, you collect notes for him when he’s gone from games and even go to games if you aren’t usually the type to just to see how he’s doing; it’s hard trying to find you among the huge bleachers, but he always asks you where you’re sitting anyways 

Really appreciate it if you help him study into late at night because it IS hard balancing sports and academics 

He most likely doesn’t really have any time for anything else so he usually makes up for it during the rest of the year when training is less to volunteer in the hospital or at the gym as a personal trainer 

If you ask him to teach you how to properly lift weights, he’ll definitely help out and the both of you can work out together-- though you feel bad when he has to add four extra weights to each side after you finish your reps

Belphegor

Majoring in Computer Graphics/Animation

Intending to go into making animation or game design-- is one of the brothers who doesn’t really know exactly what he wants to do yet because he’s afraid that doing what he loves as a job will ruin it for him

His family reassures him that they’ll support him whether or not he continues with his path in life, but he’s considering art school and then taking internships in places so he has a better idea on what he wants

Most likely to sell his own original work and become a full-time artist regardless

I think you already know how you meet him-- he’s sleeping in a lecture hall-- either against the wall or on the small piece of wood they call a desk when class ends and he’s still sleeping; and you wake him up 

Sleepily thanks you and continues to sleep through every class that you wake him up to; when you ask him why he doesn’t just go home and sleep, he tells you he’s too lazy to walk back and forth from his dorm/apartment to campus (mood) 

When you add each other on Snapchat or something, he sends you pics of ‘places to nap’ on campus

You always end up studying together because he’s actually pretty good at understanding lecture stuff despite not being awake for most of it-- apparently he’s used to teaching himself 

Will make you art for your birthday and will vehemently refuse payment so he just tells you to take him out for dinner instead 

If you talk about how you’re not sure on what you want to do in life too, he’ll probably say ‘mood’ but is most likely to encourage you to do whatever you want to do in life too 

[ghostlypawn]

hello since last night i've been thinking about how good watt would be as a netflix miniseries n then i remembered you made that edit so i wondered if you had any thoughts on how that would go 👀

okay i have Some already made thoughts and rambling just came up with thoughts

i would want it to start with the summer of the accident that made this all happen where we see everyone doing their thing:

idk if the accident happened at a game or competiton but im setting it at a football game so it can be tigers vs titans and we get to see eva

clark in the football game

some visual context about chess’ olympic past u know like some schools have clippings of student accomplishments on a board or like trophy cases or something

obviously the bad stunt happening

reese as mascot, possibly doing what she did in the show with the if chess needs a minute i can join but get rejecte

captain kimberly sexting the whole time x

i would want more indepth familial storys about some of them like annleigh/farrah before the sleepover (like we see annleigh getting dressed that could b a longer convo about how her parents expect her to take care of farrah etc) but like with all of them

i feel like it could be similar to the carrie tv movie (which is fitting considering its an insp for the show) where it intercuts with police interviews and the whole show is basically them re-living what happened that night for their statements

possible general overview w music (although could even b without):

ep 1 = flashback to the stunt and worst team ever (ends at the end of the song)

ep 2 = “does anyone have an update on annleigh/farrah” *straight cut to them arguing in the car outside, annleigh trying to take the bottle, whilst clark tries to stop them and then it cuts straight back to a silent team* “.........theres no service?”. dont even occurs. i feel like ending when kate and chess leave would be a solid place to end?

ep 3 = skype tomorrow,, i feel like possibly seeing flashbacks of their relationship could be here bc its not a very visual song?? sounds kinda cheesy tho. btb also happens here and the ep ends w chess dying

ep 4 = forever to farrahs death would probs b this ep but that feels like a squeeze bc its 3 songs so we might have to cut it at mattie being sick after captain of the team?

ep 5 = wallflower and defense

ep 6 = matties lament,, mayb over a montage of her being put into prison and possibly what everyone else is like at school like cairo not getting replies from riley and her watching motivational speeches n stuff jkdfkjfd (i feel like the shut tf u joke kinda wouldnt work as well idk?? i would possibly interupt it with a police interviewer confirming that mattie didnt think she was guilty but that makes it more serious idk it could still work),, phoenix also happens, ep ends at kate leaving?

ep 7 = move on to wallflower reprise mayb? once again 3 songs so may be tight but theres not a great place to cut

ep 8 = idk and the breakdown defo possibly could go straight the end? would like to bulk out the last scene a bit with actual apologies to reese and may some grave visiting and kateva and possibly cario visiting riley in prison and also the whole police statement thing would need to be wrapped up ?? (idk why but id kinda like riley to be portrayed more sympathetic instead of “psycho killer” like she had a mental break due to the stresses of needing to be perfect n i feel like that gets overlooked sometimes)

i feel like it could be stretched to 10 eps if it was cut well

i also think there could be some well done foreshadowing but i dont know how i would impliment it atm kfdfkj but the actual show does it well anyway in the script,, possibly add some visual foreshadowing for the tv show

im not sure if i have any other thoughts at this time but feel free to share some thoughts !!