#so i have no idea how he ends up treating jenny q in the coming issues

[bludsfinest]

midnighter isn’t batman if he was gay and committed murder, he’s batman if he was in a stable relationship and a competent father

[rvmmm21]

[ V V S her diamonds ] – ch 03.

[4:15 p.m.] Disappointment tweaks at Seungwan’s heart when she peers through the huge glass window of their study cafe and sees no Bae Joohyun. 

. . . . .

A group of students are huddled in the back, bent over open textbooks, laptops and scattered stationary. 

Yerimie, Saeron, Seul, wow, there’s Jennie sunbaenim. And she spies Sooyoung sunbaenim balancing a tray of various caffeine-injected drinks back to the table.

A sad sigh escapes her lips. Perhaps she’s l–

“Seungwan?” 

Oh my g– what the–?! Seungwan screams, whipping around in shock at the fingers gently resting on the back of her shoulder. She’s met with a slightly surprised Joohyun, standing there wearing a cream Jute blouse tucked into denim jeans, twinkling eyes and endless amusement etched into rosebud lips. 

“S-Sunbae!” She exclaims, grasping her chest to calm her rapid-fire heart. “Y-You’re here, I was just–”

What, peering through the glass, looking for you like a creep? 

“It’s fine,” Joohyun chuckles, adjusting her hold on the stack of thick notebooks cradled in her arm and motioning for the younger girl to lead the way. “Let’s go. This is heavy.”

Thursdays might’ve found an unexpected favour with Son Seungwan.

Busy eyes move from annotating to the two girls urgently making their way over, the students lifting their heads at Seungwan’s warm greeting. 

“Sorry we’re late,” she sincerely apologises. 

Jennie knowingly eyes her friend. “Not surprised.” 

Joohyun raises her a playfully challenging brow before slipping into the free seat next to Sooyoung at the end of the table, right across her partner.

“You ordering anything, Wan?” Seulgi asks between highlighting her page, offering her and Joohyun biscuits in individually wrapped aluminium packets.

Joohyun takes one and Seungwan nibbles on the edge of her biscuit, deep in thought. The group soon slips into the robotic rhythm of monochromatic scribbling, greyscale note-taking, typing, and intermittent snacking. Jennie slips away to order small desserts for everyone at the table. They thank her with shocked bows and hungry stares, unable to settle on one in the garland of appetising coloured treats on the tiny table.

“Sunbae, you’re like Santa Claus,” Seulgi happily attacks the New York baked cheesecake. “When did you order this? It’s like we were asleep and we just woke up to presents!”

Her bearish enthusiasm has an observant Sooyoung unconsciously smiling around her fork.

As the group tucks in, Seungwan thinks a group study date is the safest she can be in terms of being on the receiving end of any more of her senior’s teasing mannerisms.

Fortunately, Joohyun always surprises her.

A little later on, they’re discussing the historical impact of contemporary Korean literature. Right in the middle of a sentence, Seungwan’s concentration is shattered by a deep blush of raspberry when she feels a feather-light graze against her right Adidas sweatpant leg. She chokes, almond eyes shooting up from messy essay notes, silently begging for mercy. But of course, Joohyun’s serene, unbothered expression gives nothing away as she continues to ask for her opinion as though Seungwan is crazy for looking like a flustered mess. 

The frazzled junior doesn’t know what makes her head spin more; the fact that Joohyun, composed as ever, initiated a game of footsie right under both their friends’ noses in public… or that she secretly enjoys it.

Not that she’ll ever admit to the latter.

Small fists corkscrew the sleeves of her sky-blue Chrome Hearts hoodie as the desperation to hide the cherry-blossom tint in her cheeks builds.

. . . . .

It’s past midnight by the time they’re done, and everyone bids goodbye with ‘Z’s coming out of their ears. Much to everyone’s surprise, Sooyoung and Seulgi got along pretty well this evening and the taller girl had hastily agreed when Seulgi suggested they visit her favourite boba place. Yerim and Saeron were late for their movie, and Jennie was spending the weekend at her girlfriends’.

“Wait, are we dumb? Why did we book this now,” Saeron asks incredulously, “aren’t you gonna get wrecked by grumpy ajumma? Curfew ended like ten minutes ago.”

“Ah who cares, she’s always like that,” Yerim retorts with a dismissive wave. “I could fill a prison wall with how many strikes she’s given me and Seungwan and Seulgi unnie.” She slings an arm over Saeron’s shoulder, urging them to hurry. “C’mon, ads don’t take forever.”

“Wan-ah,” Seulgi calls back as she’s being dragged away by an eager Sooyoung, “if you order pizza can you leave some out for me!”

“Yeah, yeah. Enjoy. Don’t wake me up.”

“Hyun-ah, you sure you’re not coming?” Jennie’s sleek midnight-black Vetements cardigan blends with the hues of the night sky, giving away how late it is. She swipes into her messages. “Chaeng said she doesn’t mind.” 

Joohyun laughs with mock disgust. “Thanks Jen, but I’m not crashing your date-nights anymore, thank you very much. I saw enough the last time, my eyes can’t take that kind of stuff.”

Waving goodbye, Jennie and Chaeyoung speed off, leaving Seungwan wondering what ‘kind of stuff’ Joohyun could be referring to.

The pair are drawn to the horribly lit bus stop and just about the only source of light for miles. 

Seungwan yawns silently, but she doesn’t mind waiting with Joohyun. It’s late and although her apartment is in the opposite direction, she’d be at ease knowing her friend got home safely.

The darkness is engulfing, allowing an overhead street lamp to bathe them in its flicking spotlight like stars in a West End Production. 

“We were pretty productive today, sunbae,” the younger tries to make conversation to fill the space between them. “Do you wanna come for next week’s session too?”

“Sure,” comes the reply. “Thanks for waiting with me. When’s your ride getting here? We should’ve booked at the same time.”

Seungwan nervously scratches the back of her neck, crinkling her worksheets in her grip. “Uh, I’m just walking home tonight actually.”

“Oh? Do you live closeby?” she asks in surprise, assuming they were both waiting for taxis.

“Ah, yes, I’m just– it’s just down there.”

Joohyun narrows her eyes suspiciously. “Down there… where.”

“Just a quick walk, past… past the duck pond,” the girl mumbles, staring down at her shoes.

“Q-Quick? Quick?” Joohyun stutters, malfunctioning at their severely clashing definitions of ‘close’. A delicate fist draws back and Seungwan flinches, Bae Joohyun looking closer and closer to doing what she did to Lucas to her poor, startled junior. “The duck pond near uni? Yah, Son Seungwan, that’s almost a twenty minute walk from here.” 

“Fifteen if I have my speed walking playlist on,” Seungwan tries, but she isn’t listening.

“A lot of dangerous things can happen in twenty minutes, you know.” She hurriedly unlocks her phone and clicks into the KakaoTaxi app, altering the destination to add a stop and shoving it into reluctant hands. “Hurry, put your address in.” 

Seungwan so badly wants to politely decline, not confident in her ability to sit in a moving vehicle with such a pretty person without hurling herself out the window at top speeds. But the latter’s glare dares her to try.

With shaky fingers, she successfully types in her address after three tries and hands it back. Joohyun checks it and confirms the change. Seungwan wants to comment on how her frantic nature is actually really endearing, but she resists, thinking she’s still cooling off from it.

“Thank you, sunbae,” she bows instead. She even tries to insist she pay her share of the ride, but Joohyun refuses, saying it’s what she gets for thinking it was a good idea to walk home alone.

Finally, a black Sedan pulls up to the curb and the driver winds down his window. “KakaoBlack for Bae Joohyun?” He checks, looking as ready as both girls are to go home and crash for the night. 

The girl nods, opening the door for Seungwan to get into the backseat and climbing in after her.

Grand streaks of neon dance across the car windows, falling behind as quickly as they appear. Seungwan tears her gaze from the rapid city lights when she hears her name. 

An almost child-like excitement masks Joohyun’s usually steely features when Seungwan hums questioningly, not having heard what she’d said. “I said unnie,” she repeats, “you should call me unnie now that we’re closer. Honestly, I wanted to correct you this evening, but I never got the chance to. Aish, everyone was so noisy.”

The topic of noise has Joohyun distracted, suddenly popping off on a tangent about how sound-proof couple study rooms should be integrated in cafes and student-dense areas alike. But Seungwan finds it hard to focus on anything other than those glowing eyes and that tiny, lopsided smile.

For the rest of the journey, the two exchange stories of their university life experiences, life outside classrooms and even a few laughs; mostly on Joohyun’s part at how Seungwan seems to have the most prankish roommates slash best friends in the world. She loses it at ‘carbonara shampoo’, finding the idea wickedly genius and hilariously absurd altogether. Uncontrollable cackling booms in the backseat and Seungwan can’t help but giggle too, ears saturated with Joohyun’s chimerical laughter.

Eventually, the street lights and the houses start looking familiar and they’re pulled into a student apartment lobby before either of them knows where the time went. Joohyun can see the grumpy ajumma at reception wearing a frown, but she doesn't know it’s because someone’s gone over curfew. Again.

“Goodnight Seungwan.”

“Goodnight… unnie.” Seungwan wishes, ignoring the way their new closeness unfolds her heart like a secretly passed note. “Stay safe, and message me when you get back!”

Making to get out of the car, she flinches when she’s unable to fully stand up. Gulping, she glances over her shoulder to see Joohyun holding her back by her bag straps. In her sleepy state, the younger can’t tell if that intently searching gaze is serious or not.

“By the way, when you were looking into the cafe from outside this evening, you weren’t checking Jennie or Sooyoung out, were you?”

Seungwan shakes her head truthfully. “Why?”

“Good.” A cat-like smirk graces her lips and Seungwan’s stomach drops. “Just making sure.”

. . . . .

[askjennie]

I would love some advice- is this Compete betrayal? Or something to work past?

Hi Jennie! I would really love some insight on this, I know its so long, sorry in advance, but Its been weighing on me a lot…

so a month ago, one of my 3 best friends in the entire world told me and best friend number 2 that she was starting to have feelings for best friend number 3’s ex-boyfriend- we’ll call him Q. Now, this guy is the literal definition of scum. He treats women with zero respect, is a manipulative, unsupportive, emotionally abusive person and treated my best friend number 3 like absolute crap. Best friend number 1 knew every single detail of their relationship and their break-up, and how she developed feelings for the guy bewilders me. Anyways, best friend number 2 and I talked her out of considering dating him, pointing out that he is an awful guy and totally not worth putting her friendship with best friend number 3 in jeopardy. (this is all through texts, as best friend number 2 and attend university in a different city). 

Fast forward two weeks, and best friend number 1 tells all of us that she has decided to go ahead and date Q. We’re very shocked, and text her lengthly paragraphs explaining how this would be a bad idea, how he would only hurt her, and that this is before anything else a complete action of disloyalty to best friend number 3. Again, we talked her out of it, but this time she was being overly apologetic for the situation to the point of really attacking herself. Best friend number 2 and I call her, being worried about her emotional and mental state, and while she reveals that she has not been in the best place mentally/emotionally, it was not as serious as we though, and it all came back to how much she likes Q and is conflicted because she wants to have a relationship with him, but in the end she agreed it would be for the best of all of us not to be with him as she couldn’t really see the relationship being extremely succsessful and long-lasting.

During this, I made sure to call best friend number 3 to see how she was handling all this, -it’s important to mention that she has had a long struggle with mental illness, including suffering from an eating disorder that left her hospitalized at one point 2 years prior, and dealing with self-harm and even a suicide attempt 4 months prior to this, yet by this point she was doing really well in the recovery process- so when calling her to see how she was coping, at first she told me all she wanted was best friend number 1’s happiness, she was over Q, and there was no Jealousy there and she told best friend number 1 that she was fine with it. However, I knew better, best friend number 3 is so altruistic, almost to an excess, and would sell both her kidneys on the internet to make a person she loves happy. So after lengthily conversations, BFFn3 admitted that while she was over Q, BFFn1’s decision to date him gave her so much stress that it drove her to consider self-harm and suicide again. 

Additionally through all the ex-BF drama, best friend number 2 and I both were struggling hard to keep up with very intense programs at uni, and were diagnosed with major depression, -and hearing BFFn3 say that she considered suicide again, (after we all struggled so much to help her get better mentally and saw her go from being in the hospital, hooked up to an IV, 3 hairs on her head, weighing barely 40 kilos, barely enough skin to stretch over her bones, and covered in scars to finally being in a relatively very healthy place), hearing that did break me. I went into a period of constant anxiety to the point of barely being able to think and fiction normally, and had to start taking antipsychotics to deal with everything.

So right after all this had built up, BFFn1 texts again and says that while she heard everything we said to her, (and at this point BFFn3 had told her she had an issue with the situation, stopped talking to her for her sanity, and told her their friendship depended on what she chose to do next) BFFn1 had made her final decision to go ahead and date Q. BFFn2 and I unleashed all our feelings, while not being mean or calling her any names or attacking her to much, we were very honest and told her that this decision was not okay, that she was putting BFFn3 and really all of our mental health’s on the line, etc. yet, at this point she started defending herself, played the victim, saying how she was at a really bad place in her life and he was the only thing that made her happy- however (i told her this) no matter how dark a place I was in (i’m taking antipsychotics for christ’s sake! I would never think its okay to put myself over the life and mental heaths of my best friends. By the end of the conversation, nothing we said changed her mind, and she chose to date Q regardless.

So now i’m here thinking what the hell happened to by best friend, I have known her for 15 years, since I was 3 years old, and we have never fought before, she has never been disloyal or showed the capacity to hurt me like this before. On one hand I feel completely betrayed and have less respect and no trust left in her at all - I can’t believe she would put herself before the lives and health’s of her best friends, especially knowing how serious it could become, implying that we’re selfish or not thinking about her by not being supportive, and pretty much defending her actions and showing no remorse for her actions. On the other hand, I feel guilty for being mad because she is in a bad place mentally, and I feel guilty for not supporting her in a critical time. Am I being a bad friend? Should I try to help her even though I can’t stand her actions? Should I be supportive? I’m really conflicted about that part…Also, what kills me is the irony if the situation, through this she says things like “I’m sorry for bothering you with this”, or “I love you and I’m here for you always”, and “I’d do anything for you guys” but how can I believe that when she clearly chose not to stop dating Q for us? I feel so betrayed, but she is also my best friend and has been forever…I don’t know if I could ever be friends with someone who did what she did to us, i feel our friendship might be beyond repair….but I still love and fear for her and I want her to be okay and I don’t know if I should support her or not…

And this whole situation has creating so much anxiety in me its keeping me from focusing on school, despite the meds, and I really need to get straight As to stay in my program, and its exam season too… i try really hard to get work done, but its impossible because I always come back to thinking about this and it’s wasting so much energy when I barely have any as it is, and I can’t afford to not have any energy left for school

Im sorry its’ so long! Any advice on this I would really appreciate! thanks so much!

Jennie: I don’t think it’s fair of you to put so much responsibility on BFF1′s shoulders. She is not responsible for your mental health, or for the mental health of your other friends. Yes, dating a friends abusive ex is a bad decision. Yes, she should have considered BFF3′s feelings about this, and worked out that she shouldn’t date someone who hurt her friend badly. But you need to allow her to make her own decisions, and you need to understand that she is not the sole cause of your depression, or your friends depression.

She did not cause BFF3′s suicidal thoughts. She hurt her, and that’s not good, but someone in a mentally healthier place would not have considered killing themselves because their friend started dating their ex. She did not cause your depresion, or BFF2′s depression. Friendship drama didn’t help you, and it added to the stress you were already experiencing, but again, someone who was entirely mentally healthy would not have been diagnosed with major depression just because their friend was making some bad choices. She is not responsible for these things.

That doesn’t mean that they’re your fault, or your other friends fault - mental illness isn’t anyone’s fault, it’s an illness, that could happen to anyone. You deserve treatment and support to manage and recover from your illness. But it’s not okay to act like your lives and your health are in the hands of BFF1. She just doesn’t have that much power. You are responsible for taking care of yourself, and making sure you get the help you need (which it sounds like you have done, because you’re on medication). BFF1 shouldn’t be made to feel like she has to stop dating who she wants to date so that her friends don’t kill themselves - because that is emotionally manipulative.

If she’s stressing you out that much, then maybe you need to get some space from her. It’s great that you care so much about your friends, but it sounds like you need to put yourself first right now. Take care of your own needs, seek out counselling or therapy if you haven’t already done so, and focus on getting through your studies. If your friends are good friends, they will understand, and encourage you to take care of yourself. You are not responsible for them, and they are capable of taking care of themselves as well.

Disengage from this drama. Let people date whoever they want to date, be there for your friends when you’re able to, but primarily, be there for yourself.

[limejuicer1862]

Wombwell Rainbow Interviews

I am honoured and privileged that the following writers local, national and international have agreed to be interviewed by me. I gave the writers two options: an emailed list of questions or a more fluid interview via messenger. The usual ground is covered about motivation, daily routines and work ethic, but some surprises too. Some of these poets you may know, others may be new to you. I hope you enjoy the experience as much as I do.

Peter J. King

was active on the London poetry scene in the 1970s, running Tapocketa Press and co-editing words worth magazine with Alaric Sumner. Aside from a brief return to writing and publishing in the 1980s, and translating from modern Greek poetry with Andrea Christofidou, he abandoned poetry for philosophy until 2013, since when he has been writing, performing, and publishing frenetically. His poetry, including translations from German and modern Greek, has been published in journals such as Acumen, Bare Fiction, The Curlew, Dream Catcher, Eye to the Telescope, The Interpreter’s House Lighthouse, New Walk, Osiris, Raum, Oxford Magazine, the Quarterly Literary Review of Singapore, A Restricted View from Under the Hedge, Shoreline of Infinity, Tears in the Fence, and The Writers’ Café. His latest collections are Adding Colours to the Chameleon (2016, Wisdom’s Bottom Press) and All What Larkin (2017, Albion Beatnik Press). A second, expanded edition of the latter is scheduled to come out some time in 2019.

https://­wisdomsbottompress.wo­rdpress.com/

Peter J. King wisdomsbottompress.wordpress.com

The Interview

When and why did you start writing poetry?

It was at school — probably when I was about sixteen or so. I can’t say why (it’s a fairly common thing to do at that age, or was then; perhaps less common to think in terms of people reading it, and to continue writing).

2. Who introduced you to poetry?

It’s hard to say; I have two sets of memories, but they’re not chronologically orderable. One is of my father’s books, and his encouraging me to read (not that I needed much encouragement!); the other is of what I encountered at school, both primary and (more significantly, I think) secondary.

3. How aware are you of the dominating presence of older poets, traditional and contemporary?

The question assumes that there’s a dominating presence of which to be aware… I don’t feel dominated by other poets; I either enjoy what they write or I don’t. When I do (perhaps especially when I don’t), it might give me ideas for my own writing, or it might have no effect on me.

4. What is your daily writing routine?

I’m not a creature of routine, except when it’s imposed upon me. In the dim, dead past (especially in the 1970s), I used to write a lot at night, often all through the night. That’s no longer possible, but I might write (or paint, or both) at any time that I feel like it. I do tend to like writing in public places such as cafés, restaurants, and trains — but that’s also irregular.

5. What motivates you to write?

I ought to be able to answer that, as my career (?) as a poet has a very useful shape: I was very active on the London poetry scene in the 1970s, centred on the Poetry Society and the Troubadour; I had what might be termed an emotional breakdown which stopped me writing for a few years, but I returned briefly in the early 1980s; academic work then took over, and I didn’t write again until 2013, since when I’ve been extremely active. So, given all that, shouldn’t I be able to say why I did or didn’t write during those different periods? Yet I can’t. I write because I enjoy it, both the process and the product. I’d write even if no-one but me was going to read it, but having other people read and hear my poetry is also a pleasure.

6. What is your work ethic?

I’m never wholly sure what that means. There’s the chilling notion of a Protestant Work Ethic, but having been brought up a Catholic (long lapsed) I’ve never suffered from that. Leaving aside an odd usage that uses “ethic” to gesture at a kind of self-absorbed concern with oneself, but taking it to mean some sort of set of moral principles, then I think that most work is demeaning and soul destroying, forced upon people as a necessary part of the capitalist system in which we’re imprisoned. That our current government thinks that it has a duty to force people into this demeaning activity (relabelled “dignity-providing”)­ by treating them badly until they give in, is appalling. On the other hand, as Flanders and Swan so elegantly put it:

Heat is work and work’s a curse And all the heat in the universe Is gonna cool down as it can’t increase Then there’ll be no more work And there’ll be perfect peace (Really?) Yeah, that’s entropy, man!

7. How do the writers you read when you were young influence you today?

Another one that’s hard to answer. Leila Berg’s “Little Pete” stories have never left me, and my lifelong love of science fiction has had a big (and is currently having a huge) effect on my writing. Of all the poets whose work I read before the age of, say, nineteen (before I discovered “experimental” poetry, and came under the influence of Bob Cobbing, et al.), the ones that made the biggest impression were probably Rupert Brooke, Gerard Manley Hopkins, Paul Verlaine, T.S. Eliot, Ezra Pound, E.E. Cummings, and Kenneth Patchen. They’ve probably all affected me in one way or another.

8. Who of today’s writers do you admire the most and why?

I love Sophie Herxheimer’s poetry — both on the page and in performance. Camilla Nelson and Amy McCauley have both produced poetry and performance that have really grabbed and excited me. Adnan al Sayegh, Abughaida, Wole Soyinka, Jenny Lewis, Jee Leong Koh… I’ll end up just listing all the poets whose poetryI’ve enjoyed. For the most part, I’m very reluctant to rank them in any way.

9. Why do you write?

I can’t really disentangle that from Q. 5 (“What motivates you to write?”).

10. What would you say to someone who asked you “How do you become a writer?”

You write. There’s nothing more. To be a good writer, you read (not just the same things over and over, but new things), enjoy what you read, and write a lot.

11. Tell me about the writing projects you have on at the moment.

I don’t generally have projects, as such (I find the idea of “writing my next book” rather perplexing and alien to my understanding of poetry — more like what an academic writer does, or a novelist). I’m currently putting together a collection of poems that I’ve written over the decades inspired by and on themes of science fiction, fantasy, horror, and myth, and writing some new poems for that. I’m creating some new cut-up poems for the second, expanded edition of my “All What Larkin”, coming out next year from Albion Beatnik Press. I’m writing lots of other poems as they come to me, in all sorts of styles and on all sorts of themes. I’m filling in gaps in a sequence of seven-line poems on “Great Britain by Registration Numbers”, which I’ve been writing on and off for a couple of years. I’m also working intermittently on translations of the Greek poets Kavafis, Karyotakis, and Doros Loizou ( in collaboration with Andrea Christofidou) and the German poet Gustav Sack, and on reversionings of Rabindranath Tagore’s poems.

Wombwell Rainbow Interviews: Peter J. King Wombwell Rainbow Interviews I am honoured and privileged that the following writers local, national and international have agreed to be interviewed by me.

[dinoalexander]

The Semi-Quotable 2017, Part 3

... again, Thank you Tumblr... very nearly almost done.

——

"So, using the Monty Hall theorem in current event terms, behind 1 door is Kendrick Lamar, and behind the other 2 doors is Lamar Odom." -Gordon

"I hate to say I told you so, but I don't really." -Amanda

“PLATE TACO!” -Festivus party

"A favor owed is better than money in the bank." -Steve

“STRIKING A NOSE.” -Actual Wheel guess

"A Hemi is not a license to drive like you don't have any sense!" -C

“You’re going to lift this with good form because I don’t want you sitting there with a sore back while you’re face-fucking a pumpkin pie on Thursday.” -... somebody at Shannon’s gym

“I can’t spell today...” -C

“T-O-D-A-Y.” -C’s boss

“It flows like diarrhea.” -Jordan

"No picture, no puss." -drunk Asian gambler

"I traveled 3000 miles to yell numbers at strangers." -TPIR shirt

“What state’s nickname is the Badger State?” -Michael

“My nether regions.” -Christina

“... Between waxings.” -Q

“Personally...I’m a smizer. It lets my soul express it’s happiness without all that pesky wrinkling.” -Jen

“I don’t mean duck! I NEVER MEAN DUCK!” -Q

"Sorry we couldn't get Brad Rutter." -Sara

"An-taaaaaawn Jamison!" -Michelle

“Parents who have massages have children who have massages.” -Q

"GODDAMNIT, PAUL!" -C. It should be noted that no one named Paul was in the vicinity

"I feel like I'm on cocaine, I have so many ideas right now." -Amanda

“Susie, you're going to pay for my hip replacement if you knock me over again!!” -Jules (Dana’s daughter)

“You need to settle down and put your clothes back on.” -Q

“I’ve heard THAT one before.” -Jordan

“Love my beautiful comical sweet babies!!!” -... some girl

“That's my new go-to insult, ya jacknog.” -Tony

“HQ app needs to monitor their fiber intake for a while, because their shit's not together this week.” -Adam

“Pumpkin pie is mah BITCH!” -Laura

"Don't overthink it. It's trivia, not your oral defense." -Michael

“Better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6.” -Q

"It's like getting C. Diff of the mouth!" -Christina

"Gracefully disconnected." -Cat

“I had fun once. It was awful.” -Grumpy Carter (Molly’s son in a Grumpy Cat mask)

“If you don’t have PMT, you don’t have anything.” -I meant to say “PMA”

"Because this is what you do when you're 37. Dress up like Barbarella and Storm Troopers... and act like idiots on stage covered in glitter." -Shannon

"Molly, ok this is where I bow out of this thread. We all know how flexible you are. Duh." -Jenni Leigh

"Oh fuck me in the ass with a sandpaper lube." -Q

Gordon: "One, two, three..."

C/Joe/Jason: "SORRY, GORDON!"

"That came from the colon." -Steven

"PBS, 1994! I used to watch that all the time; I'm STILL looking for that bitch!" -Tiffany Haddish. The question: "Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego?"

“🎶 Spinarak, Spinarak, does whatever a Spinarak does... 🎶” -C & Jordan

"What's the ICD-10 code for demon possession?" -Q

“While working in TV news I was told by management I was a fat loser who should just be grateful anybody put me on camera. I once had to do an extra long traffic and weather break because the female anchor was boning the news director in the building’s gym (they were both married to other people). When all but two traffic cameras went out and I had to use them a lot in a six-hour show, I got screamed at for not using different cameras and when I pointed out there WERE no other cameras, I was screamed at again that they didn’t want to hear any excuses. I’m not saying any of this to justify shitty behavior, I’m saying TV news is a flaming hellhole of a business and most of the people in it are rotten assholes who wouldn’t be welcome in an opium den.” -Drew Harmon

"I beat Gordon, I get his property, and I claim prima nocta on his wife." -C

James: "I'm not that type of guy."

Cindy: "LIES!"

"I need something that will keep me awake and alert and fresh like a daisy. And unlike you, David Muir's come-hither stare isn't going to do it for me!" -C

"... oh shit, is it 6:30?" -Q

"Welcome to the Gordon Pepper Experience." -Gordon

“Maybe your apple crisp is trying to tell you something.” -Angela

“I don’t pay it to tell me anything! It knew what this was.” -C

"Asking me to create the state of the art Jquery menu widget for version 3.2.1 when you have version 1.10 is the equivalent of you telling me to create a program to help steer the best lawn mower of the world capable of shearing acres of land a day and you giving me a goat." -Gordon

“Sarcasm drips from your tongue like drool from a baby’s mouth.” -Ellen

“The sea is emotion incarnate. It loves, hates, and weeps. It defies all attempts to capture it with words and rejects all shackles. No matter what you say about it, there is always that which you can't.” -Christina

"Hey Colorado Board Shorts! Can you please close your legs? We can all see your Denver Nuggets." -C

"Trump's so classy, even his showers are golden." -Jessica

“UNC is going down quicker than Blair St. Clair on a Breathalizer.” -G

"(Jon Snow) is the heir to the Iron Throne... AND THEY'RE BACK TO FUCKING." -C, on "The Dragon and the Wolf"

"Where are the TRASH people?" -Mike

"Karnowski! HE FAT!" -C, on Gonzaga's big man

"Kill it. Kill it dead." -Jordan

"I'm confused. Facebook is stupid." -Cindy

"My opinion, and you can quotewall me on this, is the following: Everyone should be treated equal, which means that the minority should never be empowered to think they are above the majority. Equal? Yes. But not greater than." -G

"How I know I'm getting old: my Facebook wall has, over time, turned from petty angry status updates to woke angry status updates, and babies." -Mama Shrub

"You didn't see the movie. You don't get to make the joke." -me, on "I'm Mary Poppins, y'all!"

"I try to remember things could be worse. I could have been born a Siamese twin about to go on a date with my gay brother....while sharing only one butt." -Leslie

"Imagine Quisla's mind is like a presidential strip club. The sign outside says "43 beautiful men and one ugly one."" -C

“... Still waiting for that cosmo.... Jordan.” -Q

"Asking Trump to denounce white supremacists is like asking a rose bush to denounce Miracle Grow." -Clint

"Sometimes the one way to respect the power of fire is to get burned." -C

"That's so deep Adele is rolling in it." - Jordan

"The only thing I've accomplished today is using my boobs to make a waterfall in the shower." -Leslie

“Glitter is the herpes of arts and crafts. It gets everywhere and you can’t get rid of it.” -Q

"We don't ask about the boxers." -C

"SPF 100... for Pasty White Ninja." -Jason

"Aren't you tired of all these bad hair days?" -Cat

"Lady, I haven't had a bad hair day since 1993!" -C

"What the rass happen ta Tiger? 'im all gon' in an' rass up, look like some criminal!" -Q

"Trump is a traitor, Bannon wants to launch the Crusades, Conway is slowly evolving into her final witch form, Spicer is about two days away from spontaneously reenacting the head-explosion scene in SCANNERS, Miller is the psychic projection of every asshole you hated in high school, and Pence calls his wife "Mother" *jazz fingers* The Aristocrats." -Jennifer

"Will whoever left their tequila shot with a lime wedge on our table please come by and retrieve their lime wedge and their shot glass?" -C

"¡Mierdoso!" -Q & Lenora

"That tastes like Tussin." -Tohry

"I'LL BE GOD DAMNED. THERE IS AN ICD-10 CODE FOR DEMON POSSESSION!" -C

"You talk about taking your pants off, and then I have to Skype you." -Jason before WLTI

"You're gonna end up touching someone inappropriately." -Q

TO BE CONCLUDED... eventually.