#so i think it had to turn itself on and off again throughout the day (which i've noticed once but it probably was more times than that)

[happyvalkyrieofdoom]

I think my trusty MP4 player that I’ve been using on an almost daily basis for about a decade is preparing for a happy retirement

[leonstoenailunderhisbed]

First Date, Huh?

Summary: The human race is at danger of extinction. The government had come up with a plan to increase the level of population throughout the country that involved you and a very good looking man.

Warning: unprotected sex. oral (both receiving). creampie. slight degradation. overstimulation. male and female anatomy. afab reader. impregnating. breeding kink (kinda?) aftercare. mentions of medical procedures (I forgot what it was called lol). not proofread. wrote this right after my dream sooo…

Word Count: 5,155

A/N: I had a dream about this and I woke up thinking I was pregnant😭 (be safe out there y’all) anyways, I picked up far cry 5 again and I’m literally eating that game up

“Falling for a stranger, good gracious. I might even fly out to Vegas. I’m thinking maybe you’d be down to do it,” Love Talk (demo), WayV

The world population had been declining after the rise of a deadly disease. People died in groups and the government had tried to prevent the spread.

But their attempts were in vain.

Decades after the virus had finally been tamed. The world had been left with only one third of its population remaining. The economies across the countries crashed and people had to rebuild themselves slowly.

However, that all came to a halt when the government suddenly introduced a new bill.

They had planned for a procreating program. In which scientists were able to develop a new technology wavelength that can determine what person is more biologically compatible with another person.

The government had ordered people to come to the nearest available clinics in order for the scientists to collect a sample of their blood. Of your blood.

Months passed after the collection of blood and suddenly a group of soldiers, along with scientists, stormed inside the houses of people and marked them with bracelet bands.

The soldiers sedated everyone and transported them to an underground warehouse. The warehouse itself was an underground bunker with scientists roaming around in their lab coats.

The underground facility was huge- it could be considered an underground city if the president decided to. But he didn’t.

When you woke up, you noticed you were inside a room with white walls. The floor and ceiling were white. Even the lights were white. Everything was white, except for the red bed you were currently in.

They had laid you down on a bed full of pillows and blankets. Your eyes blurred as they adjusted to the lights of the room.

Sitting up, you’ve noticed- and probably felt- the presence of someone laying down next to you. You looked over at the person and noticed it was a man.

He was waking up as well. He had dirty blonde hair and looked to be tall and broad. His features were rough and masculine, with his stubble being noticeable under the harsh lighting. As you sat up, he slowly sat up as well and took in the environment. When both of you laid eyes on each other, you both let out a gasp and quickly got off the bed.

You quickly realized what either of you were wearing. They had changed you into a skimpy satin nightgown while he was wearing a silk pajama set that revealed his chest due to the V-line cut.

The intercom from the room turned on and a person spoke,

“Good morning to you two. I’m sure you’re both confused and scared but afraid be not. We’re ensuring your safety at this establishment. As you both can see, you’re both wearing the same color of wristbands.”

You looked down at your right wrist and saw the green wristband, your eyes trailed towards the man and his was also green.

“This means that both of you are biologically compatible. Our goal here is to not hurt you. We’re simply trying to bring back the population back to where it should be and we need your help.”

Your eyes widened and so did his. The man’s eyebrows pinched together as look of suspicion and anger appeared on his face. But he didn’t say anything.

“I’m sure you both know what this means. You have the remainder of the day to get started. We expect positive results since we’ve run extensive research on your genetics. That is all, get started.”

Essentially, they wanted you to have sex with a stranger. That’s revolting.

You turned your gaze back to the man, his blue eyes stood out from his features. Neither of you said anything. It was all too…awkward. You glanced at the bed and then back at him. How do you even start something so intimate?

“Um-“ you started quietly, “So…we’re compatible.”

The man simply stared at you and then back at his wrist. He nodded, “Yeah. Seems so.”

“Should I-“

“We don’t have to do anything,” he interrupted you, “What’re they going to do if we do nothing? They can’t kill us. Those mad scientists need as many people as possible and if they killed you or me then what’s the whole point of this?”

You sighed and nodded. He was right in a way. Even if you disobeyed they couldn’t kill you, right?

Sitting at the edge of the bed, you begin to wonder everything that has happened so far. They’re making everyone breeding machines- is what you thought.

Before all of this, you were living your life the way you wanted it. And now you were forced to have a baby with someone you don’t know. All for the sake of humanity.

It was cruel.

“What do we do instead?” You asked quietly.

“Find a way out of here,” he responded as he walked around the room and tried to find an exit. There was no door. No windows. Nothing. As if you two were put in a white box.

He was getting frustrated that he had been put in this position. He didn’t want any of this, not with you. It wasn’t personal but he didn’t know you.

“There’s no way out,” he spoke after some time. It didn’t take a genius to know that you two were locked in this space.

“Do they really want us to…” your voice trailed off as you stared at him. He looked back at you and shrugged, “Maybe. Those crazy bastards are probably stressing about the human race dying or whatever.”

After a moment of silence, you could smell something. Something that smelled good.

“Is that you?” He asked. He also smelled something.

“I was just about to ask if it was you too,” you replied.

He furrowed his brows and sat next to you. He leaned closer to your neck and inhaled softly.

“It’s the both of us,” he whispered. You stared into his eyes at the proximity.

What was happening?

Did the scientists do something? Why did he suddenly look more attractive and smelled enticing?

You leaned back and got up from the bed. Panic started to run through your veins. “Do you think-“

He raised a brow and sat in the edge of the bed as he watched you pace around the room. You hadn’t noticed but he was secretly checking you out in that nightgown. He felt shame and quickly looked away- this wasn’t him.

“Do you think they put something on us?” You asked, your tone laced with anxiety.

The man sighed and ran a hand through his blonde hair, “I don’t know. But they sure know what they’re doing.”

“We should just get on with it. They won’t let us out anytime soon. But maybe they will once we had sex, right?” You asked with a rushed tone. Thoughts occupied your mind and all you wanted to do was get out of this sick and twisted place.

He looked at you with a worried expression, “Are you sure? I mean, we don’t even know each other’s names and-“

“Y/n. My name is y/n,” you interrupted him.

The man raised his brows in surprise and let out an airy chuckle, “Well okay. Name’s Leon.”

He extended his hand out for a handshake and you hesitantly took it. His hands were rough and calloused. Almost made you wonder how they’d feel inside your wet and tight-

What.

You quickly withdrew your hand and looked away. What was going on with you?

“You really want to do this?” He asked softly. You looked at him and swallowed hard. Did you? Or was it whatever the scientists gave you that spoke for you? Either way, you still wanted to get out of this place.

“If fucking you is the only way that could get us out of here then so be it,” you muttered and walked back to the bed.

You sat next to him, shoulders touching.

“Okay then…” he replied quietly, “Guess this is our first date, huh?” He joked.

You looked at him with furrowed brows, how did he have the spirits to joke times like these? Men.

You sat down next to him on the bed, staring at him. He stared right back at you and his gaze fell to your lips. He then leaned in to whisper in your ear, "Can I?”

He put his hand on your cheek as his other hand landed on your thigh. You silently nodded and closed your eyes as he leaned closer to your face.

His breath fanned your lips and all you could do was close your eyes as he finally put his lips on your lips.

The hand on your cheek traveled to the back of your head as he pulled you closer, your hands traveled to his shoulders as you deepened the kiss.

It was a slow, passionate kiss- albeit the current circumstances.

His tongue grazed your bottom lip and you parted your lips just enough for his tongue to delve inside your mouth, exploring every crevice.

The hand on your thigh went higher up to the hem of your nightgown, squeezing the skin gently in between his finger. You moaned into his mouth as he gently hit your bottom lip.

You’ve already started to feel aroused and wet, even though there was a lingering thought in the back of your head telling you that this is wrong.

He leaned closer to you, pushing you down gently until your back finally touches the bed. Leon’s hands moved around your body as he kissed you, his knee right in between your legs causing you to moan quietly.

He smirked at your reaction and moved his lips down to your neck as he pressed his knee into your wet cunt. You couldn’t help but grind on his knee as he sucked your neck. Leaving bruises and hickeys for you to worry about tomorrow.

Your hands wrapped around his biceps as his hands held your waist and squeezed just a tad bit.

He slowly brought his lips down to your collarbone before one of his hands pulled the straps of your nightgown down. Causing the dress to slip down to your waist, revealing your breasts to him.

He pulled back and stared at your hardened nipples with a slight smirk. His fingers hovered over them as he kept teasing you. Then he leaned down to suck the right one, as his hand began to roll your nipple in between his fingers. Your back arched against him and that only caused him to groan at the bliss of sucking your tit.

Your legs squeezed around his as he rubbed it slightly against your covered cunt. He could feel the wetness seeping through the fabric of your panties and that only turned him on even more.

His erection, confined against his clothes, rubbed along your stomach. You could almost feel it twitch as you felt it. Almost.

He pulled back from your right breast and moved on to the second one. His teeth grazed at your nipple as his hand gripped the previously sucked one.

And all you could do was moan and squirm under him.

He moved his lips down from your breasts to your stomach before ripping your nightgown apart and throwing it down on the white floor. Leaving you in your panties.

His lips trailed kisses until he met the waistband of your panties. His fingers ran down your thighs as he slowly parted them, lowering himself until he felt his knees touch the floor. His head was right in between your legs and he stared at the wet spot on the slit of your panties.

He brought a finger and stroked the slit from top to bottom, he made sure to apply just enough pressure for you to not only feel how wet you were but also to feel the way his fingers wanted to prod inside.

You closed your eyes tightly shut as your toes curled. This was all too much and he hasn’t even started. He chuckled lowly, seeing how you were reacting made his pride increase just a little.

He firmly pressed your thighs down on the bed as he brought his face back to the waistband and began to pull your panties down with his teeth. Once they had reached your thighs, he pulled them off with his hands and let them fall on the floor.

You were shining and glistening. His mouth watered and all he wanted to do was dive in. And so he did.

Almost immediately he struck his tongue into your wet hole, licking around as he savored you. He moaned as he tasted you, he’d never tasted something like you and he wanted more.

His thumb circled around your clit, his speed shifting from fast to slow as he watched how much that affected you. He dragged his tongue all the way up and down, sucking your wall and letting them feel just how spongy they are. He then pulled back and moved his thumb away from your clit- which caused to whine in protest.

He gave you a look, one that made you more wet. His eyes piercing yours as he thrusted one finger inside you. He let his index finger stay there for about ten seconds before he actually began to move it. He curled it around as he experimented with what way got you most closest to your orgasm.

His finger curled inside you as he kissed your clit. Sucking it and gently pulling it with his teeth. He took out his finger and then thrusted two fingers inside, causing your mouth to gaze open and let your head roll back against the mattress. He scissored you- fucked you with his fingers.

Pulling out and thrusting all the way back in. His callouses rubbed against your walls, bringing new sensations that you never thought you’d ever experience.

One his index finger hit the spot that made you moan a little too loud, he knew he’d found it. He curled his fingers even more rapidly as he rubbed that spot inside you. Brushing the pad of his middle finger against it, igniting something within you. Your body felt warm and sweaty.

You were coming undone by a complete stranger that is allegedly compatible with you. Your hands traveled to the top of his head and pulled his face closer to your hide. His nose bumped against your slit, his chin hitting fingers. But he didn’t mind, he knew you were close and he wanted you to cum on his face.

He licked your clit as you grinded against his face, your breaths became short and your grip tightened. With a gasped moan, you came on Leon’s face. Your cum spilling down his fingers and chin. He pulled out his fingers and licked as much as he could, swallowing the grace that came out of you.

Once he finished licking you clean, he pulled back and stared at you with dilated pupils. The black consuming all of the blue as he stared at you like a hunter. He got up from the floor and stared down at you as he became mesmerized with your body.

He pulled his shirt over his head, exposing his broad and muscled chest. He then pulled down on his pants, revealing the bulge in his underwear. Pre-cum leaking through the fabric.

You almost drooled and quickly sat up. Crawling your way to him, you sat on your knees as he caressed your head, encouraging you to do whatever you wanted with his dick.

Your hands cupped his bulge and he instantly inhaled sharply. He shuddered at your touch and so you slowly pulled the waistband of his underwear down, watching in awe as his cock sprung free.

The pink tip leaking ore-cum as aforementioned was a sight to behold. Your hand wrapped around his base as you brought your lips over to the head. Kissing it softly as your hand stroked up and down his shaft. He closed his eyes and gripped on your hair, strands meddling in between his fingers.

Your tongue dragged all the down to the bottom, to his ballsack. He shuddered and bucked his hips against your face, smearing pre-cum along your cheek. You parted your lips and slowly took him inside your mouth.

Your hands found his balls and you slowly massaged them, causing him to groan and moan loudly as his grip tightened.

As his dick was inside your mouth, your tongue flicked down the frenulum- just the underside of the tip where the head and the base join. He gasped softly and moaned as he felt you flick your tongue on his sweet spot.

Your tongue slowly moved down from his frenulum to his base, tongue slurping and swirling around as you took him deeper and deeper into your throat. Not deep enough that you’d start gagging because that would probably not feel good.

Instead, you took one of your hands and resumed stroking the remaining parts of his base as you sucked on on the part that fit in your mouth.

Leon was a complete mess; moaning and whimpering as you took him in your mouth. His feet flat on the floor as he looked down at you with pure list and desire. Your eyes met his and he only felt even more turned on.

His cock started to twitch in your mouth and you knew he was about to cum. You continued to stroke his balls and base as your tongue worked its magic on his head and frenulum.

With a loud groan, he gripped your head and forced his entire cock inside your mouth and shot his cum down your throat. Tears pricked at your eyes as you moaned softly as the sensation of his juices spilling down your esophagus. It was warm, you thought.

He pulled back breathlessly and watched as you swallowed his cum. Once he pulled back, some of his cum smeared on your lips and he watched as you licked it back in your mouth. The sight turned him on again and his cock got hard.

Leon got on the bed and slowly pushed you down again. He took hold of your thighs and brought them up to your chest, “Hold,” he demanded in a sultry and low voice.

Your hands wrapped around the back of your thighs as you held them pressed up against your breasts. He aligned his cock to your entrance and slowly pushed in.

“Fuck- so tight,” he muttered as he gasped for air. You rolled your head back and whimpered as he pushed himself all the way through. His pelvic bone making contact with your bone as he slowly began to thrust- not fully out though.

He rolled his hips in a way that wouldn’t allow his cock to leave you completely just yet. He was going slow and gentle, making sure you’ve adjusted first before he picked up the pace.

Once he saw your reaction- face scrunched up in delight as you moaned quietly and breathlessly. He pulled out and then pushed back in with force.

Leon couldn’t control himself anymore. His hands pushed your knees even more down against the mattress, your hamstrings flexing as he pushed this position even more further.

Your breathing increased- chest heaving up and down. His ballsack slapping against your asshole, causing your wetness to spread throughout your both bodies. His tip gently brushed up against your cervix as he plunged in. One of his hands went down to your clit and began to circle it.

You writhed and moaned even more as he simultaneously triggered your two sweet spots. It was all so overwhelming and your mind went blank.

He was fucking you dumb and you loved it. Your jaw went slack, drool coming out from the ends of your lips. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you still held on to your thighs.

He left go of your knees and gripped your hips, the sound of wet skin smacking echoing through the room.

“Gonna cum,” he muttered. He leaned down to whisper in your ear, “I’m gonna breed you…fuck- gonna be a good girl f’me right?” He grunted as he kept pounding into you.

His knuckles were turning white from how hard he gripped the fat skin of your hips, as if he was holding on for dear life. You nodded, “Yes,” you breathed out shamelessly.

He grunted some more against your ear and that only caused you to grow closer to your second orgasm. This man was so vocal but it was hot.

“Ngh- fuck,” he moaned as he shot his cum deep into your cunt. Cum spirting into your womb, making sure you took everything without spilling it.

He pulled put and motioned for you to roll over. You obliged and rolled over until you laid down on your stomach. He took hold of your hips once again, raising your ass to his level as he thrusted his cock inside you from behind.

Your face planted against one of the pillow and your hands gripped the bedsheets as your moans came out muffled. Somehow, he hit deeper in this position. His hands went from your hips to your waist and he squeezed it gently.

As he continued to pound into you, your ass cheeks juggling from the force of motion, he took your hair in one hand and pulled your head up. Your eyes were closed as you moaned. This was all so much but you needed more. Completely drunk on his cock is what you were.

He leaned down as he pulled on your hair, “Like it when I fuck you like this, huh?” He taunted. His words were sent straight to your pussy as it caused you to clench around him. You nodded and blabbered stupid yes’s.

“Gonna show me how much you like it?” He whispered as he pulled one and forcefully thrusted in you. You whimpered and moaned as you replied a breathy yes. He chuckled and continued fucking you like a mad dog.

He let go of your hair and wrapped his hand on the back of your neck, his fingers gently pressing on the sides of your throat. You felt lightheaded as he did so but it also added to how hot and turned on you were.

You felt your orgasm near as he continued. Your cunt clenched and pulsated around his cock and it only caused his moans to get short and breathy.

“Feel’s good,” he grunted in your ear. You could only mewl, moan, whimper- all of those sounds were the only things escaping your lips.

His other hand went down to your clit and he pinched it gently, causing a big moan to erupt from your mouth as you came on his cock. Essence spilling down from his shaft and onto the bed but neither of you cared. He groaned and his thrusts faltered slightly as you came on his cock, it felt even more tight and he closed his eyes for a moment as he continued.

But not long after you did he also cum inside you. For the second time. And it felt better than the first. You whimpered from the overstimulation as he shot his cum even deeper, the tip of his head brushing your cervix as his cum (and you were convinced) entered your womb with certainty.

He let go of the back of your throat and slowly pulled out of you. His cock softening as cum oozed out of your cunt and down on the bed. Both of you were left panting and you starting to feel sore and tired already. He looked around to try and find something to clean you with but couldn’t find anything.

So, he resorted to using his shirt to clean you off, “This might hurt,” he spoke softly as he gently pressed the fabric on your cunt and wiped the cum off. He tried to be as gentle as possible as he heard you take in sharp breaths. You were overstimulated and he started to feel bad for how hard he went.

He helped you lay down on your side and dressed you up. He put on your panties but then realized he had torn your nightgown.

“Sorry,” he mumbled shamefully. You shook your shoulders and looked at him with tired eyes, “It’s fine. They weren’t mine anyway.”

You both chuckled at that. You two had almost forgotten the situation you were both in, and maybe that was a good thing.

He pulled on his underwear and pants- since his shirt was used as a towel- and pulled the blanket over your body to give you some privacy. Even though he just fucked you.

He laid down behind you and wrapped his around your waist as he pulled you to him. Both of you closed your eyes and slept for a while, him nuzzling into your hair as your hands rested on top of his arms around your waist.

It was comforting. You felt cared for and that was all that mattered.

-

The two of you woke up to the sound of a door opening. Your eyes fluttered open almost immediately and you covered yourself with the blanket as Leon watched the scientists come in with a suspicious look. He narrowed his eyes as he saw them approach you.

“We’re going to take both of you to the examination room for testing,” one of them said. The other scientists gave you some new clothes before speaking, “We will wait outside.”

After they left, you exhaled loudly. You had forgotten you and the rest of the people were taken for insemination.

You slowly began to pull your new clothes on and walked out of the room with Leon next to you. The scientists saw you both and began to guide to a room down the hall, with two guards following behind you.

They had told Leon to wait in the lobby as they took you to a more private room. A female scientist came up to you and out on some elastic gloves, “I’ll be the one performing your pregnancy test. I’ll be taking your blood so please relax and take deep breaths for me.”

You sat down on the bed and followed her advice. There was no point in fighting or arguing since she clearly looked exhausted, probably overworked. But you couldn’t feel bad. You felt bitter at the fact that you now had turned into a baby machine- along with the rest of population.

With a sigh, you relax your tensed muscles as she took your arm gently and injected the needle on your vein. Blood began to draw from your arm and into a tube. Suddenly, you felt a wave of washiness. Fatigue overtook your body.

The test was over after a few minutes. The doctor withdrew the needle and put on a bandaid, “Okay. Off you go. Test results should be back in a couple of days. For now… I don’t know,” she shrugged tiredly as she moved over to the side of the room where she stored your blood sample with the rest.

There were at least 100 other blood samples. The mere sight disturbed you and you found yourself leaving the room hastily. Walking back to Leon, he looked at you concerned and gave you a once over to make sure you’re okay. Once he silently approved that you were okay, he spoke with a soft tone, “How do you feel?”

“Like shit,” you muttered. “Did you know that there’s a bunch of us here?” You whispered as your eyes searched around, “I don’t think we can leave.”

He furrowed his brows and looked at you, “Why not? We’ve done the deed, shouldn’t we be free to go home?”

You shook your head, “No. I don’t think so. I have a feeling we’ll be stuck here if the results come back positive.”

He sighed and looked away as the information set in. Freedom was so close, yet so far.

“So now we just wait?” He asked quietly to which you nodded.

“And now we wait.”

-

Days have passed and you two were called to a room. A scientist sat in the middle of the room, on his chair where he had stacks upon stacks of papers. Both of you sat down in front of the desk and waited for the scientist to notice you two.

“Ah- you’re here,” he muttered as he swiftly began to look for some papers.

“Alright… just to confirm the information is correct. You’re both Leon Kennedy and Y/n L/n?” The scientist asked.

The two of you nodded silently and the scientist continued, “Okay so, we have the results. You are pregnant. Which means we’ll have to keep you both under surveillance. You are to stay in this facility until the birth of your child. You will be assisted with the birth as well as the raising. We will provide all the essential services required for this procedure, all you two have to do is remain healthy. And please, for the love of God, be kind to the child. The couple before me kept on arguing so the least you two could do is pretend you love each other in front of the kid.”

You and Leon exchanged a glance and then looked back at the scientist. You knew this would happen, it was inevitable.

“Before I forget, you two got assigned a new room. On the second floor. Good luck and congratulations,” he said as he dismissed you both.

The two of you stood up and left the room, only to be met with two guards to escort you both to your new room.

You were to share a room but at this point, you didn’t care. You were too focused on thinking about the pregnancy that you had forgotten about Leon.

-

The more you hung out with Leon, you didn’t know if it was by force or nature, the more you realized how kind he truly is. He looked cold and mean on the exterior but inside he was just a man looking for love. Just like everyone else.

The pregnancy went just fine. Leon was there to support you 24/7 and so were the scientists.

When you had to give labor, Leon stood next to you and held your hand.

You gave birth to a beautiful boy. He had your hair while he had Leon’s eyes. You held your son in your arms and watched as Leon looked at you with awe.

What you weren’t expecting at all was that you fell for Leon. Even before the birth of your son, you and Leon actually began dating. The two of you shared some interests and actually liked to be around each other’s presence.

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

Maybe this was a new type of freedom for you.

[megalony]

Emergency Situation

This is a new Evan Buckley imagine, requested by the lovely @neonkiwi I hope this is what you were looking for and that everybody likes it. I might do a follow up part if anybody is interested. Feedback is always amazing.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem@sj-thefanthefan@hellsdragon@im-an-adult-ish@crazylittlethingg@allauraleigh@onceuponadetectivedemigod@ceres27@avyannadawn@sleepylunarwolf@coverupps@justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @topguncultleader @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyjen @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts

911 Masterlist

Summary: When (Y/n) becomes ill while on shift, she suddenly deteriorates but the reason why is… surprising.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A shudder jolted through (Y/n) when a pair of tense arms suddenly deadlocked around her waist and reeled her off her feet. Her heels pressed down into the floor and her head fell back onto Evan's shoulder when he moulded his chest up against her back and buried his face in her neck.

She could feel him smiling into her skin and his arms crossed over her stomach so his hands could grip her hips and gently shimmy her from side to side.

He nuzzled his nose into her neck and bit down enough to make her gasp. But Evan's eyes widened and his smile shrunk when he felt (Y/n)'s hands deadlock around his forearms and she wobbled and lost her balance in front of him. He couldn't count the times he had grabbed her from behind like this and wrapped around her like a blanket and she never usually lost her footing.

"Did I scare you?" He whispered quietly against her cheek as he pressed a sloppy kiss there and straightened them both up, staying wrapped around her. He kissed her cheek again and moved to kiss her temple but he let his lips linger against her forehead for a few seconds. "You okay? You're starting to burn up."

He could feel her temple was flushed and she was starting to sweat which was unusual since they had been in the station for the last hour and it was full of air-conditioning.

"I think I'm getting sick, my stomach's in knots." (Y/n) turned her head and let her face tuck into Evan's exposed neck, nudging his collar out the way so she could press an open-mouthed kiss there.

Her fingers dug down tightly into Evan's arms to steady herself and to keep him holding her as tightly as he was. The pressure his arms were applying into her waist and stomach was comforting and helpful when her abdomen felt like it was twisting itself up into knots.

At first, (Y/n) thought she was getting cramps but throughout the night she hadn't felt well and now she felt sick. She was coming down with a bug. Hen had been off sick last week after Denny got sick, and then Eddie hadn't been feeling great the past few days. Now it seemed to be (Y/n)'s turn. She prayed she wouldn't pass it onto Evan, he wasn't good with being ill. He was better being the carer, not the patient.

"Oh, baby." He mused quietly against her temple, brushing his cheek against her forehead while he gently swayed them both from side to side, glad no one else was in the corridor at the moment. He just so happened to leave the locker room and see his wife walking ahead down the corridor. Evan would take any opportunity he could get during shifts to snatch a kiss from (Y/n) because they had to be professional when in front of everyone else.

They didn't dare risk being anything but professional in case someone said something and their shifts got split up. Bobby was lenient enough to let them work together even though they were married.

Evan sighed into her hair and fought the urge to roll his eyes when the bell sounded.

"Are you okay to head out? If you tell Cap he'll let you hang back at the station."

"No, I'm good."

Tilting her head back, (Y/n) let go of Evan's arm so she could cup his freshly shaved jaw and reel him down for a kiss. She sunk her teeth into hie bottom lip just to feel him groan into her mouth when she had to untangle herself from him. They had to go get ready.

Evan ducked forward and pounced, clamping his fingers down on (Y/n)'s hips when she started to walk away. He followed behind her, kissing the back of her neck and giving her hips a wiggle before he bypassed her and moved towards the lockers.

Evan slung on his jacket, grabbed his helmet and turned to (Y/n) as she did the same. With them both sharing the same last name, they had to have their first initials printed on their jackets. Their names were on their jackets and helmets for security, if they got injured, lost or unconscious, people would know who they were. So their initials needed to be added for safety reasons so they didn't get mixed up.

(Y/n) jiggled her shoulders to rid herself of the shiver building up in her back that went right down to her toes. She followed after Chimney towards the truck but she pressed her lips into a straight line when she climbed up the first step and suddenly felt Evan's hand swat her bum. She didn't have to turn round to know he was grinning. No one else had seen or heard the light touch, thankfully.

(Y/n) began to regret going on this call the moment she sat down because she seemed to melt into her seat and the thought of getting back up seemed impossible.

She pulled a headset over her ears and slouched down, moving her seatbelt a bit lower so she could shift to the right and slump her head onto Evan's shoulder. Deep breaths made her feel a little better but her stomach was knotting up again and (Y/n) wondered if she might throw up soon. She hoped not. Each bump the truck rolled over had her stomach churning and every sharp corner spun her head.

Her eyes fell closed and she stayed wedged up against Evan's arm as he moved his hand to squeeze her thigh. Evan turned his head to the left and perched his chin on top of her head while he looked out the window a the passing scenery.

When the truck made a harsh break, (Y/n) kicked her foot out and pressed the heel of her boot into the chair opposite to steady herself and her face wedged into Evan's arm to stop herself from groaning.

(Y/n) ignored the small chatter through the headphones and focused on the feeling of Evan's fingers rubbing circles into her inner thigh.

They were all glad to tear off their headphones when the truck rolled to a steady stop at their newest call out scene. There was already another unit here but they needed back up to help evacuate the building and tend to anyone with injuries.

She grabbed her helmet and followed out the truck, the last in the line to climb down but as soon as the temperature change and the gravity shift hit her, (Y/n) felt uneasy. Her hands reached out in front of her and gripped Evan's shoulders tightly as she followed him down the truck and onto solid ground. As soon as her feet touched the ground, (Y/n) buried her face in Evan's back and tried to stop her stomach from tightening up.

"Everything okay baby?" He whispered softly and his head turned to look down at her. He could feel her tight grip on his shoulders and he could sense how close she was standing to him like she was trying to merge herself into his back.

"Just a wobble,"

"You sure?"

(Y/n) nodded and batted her eyes up at him when she moved to stand at his side rather than behind him but she couldn't bring herself to smile, not yet. She could feel the adrenaline pounding through her blood from arriving on scene but it wasn't enough to rid her chest of the tightening feeling or relieve her tense stomach.

She forced herself to let go of his arm even though she didn't want to, and secured her helmet and gloves. She could feel her stomach knotting but one of the many knots started to ease when Evan reached his arm out so it crossed in front of her chest and his hand clamped down on her left hip securely. He didn't move an inch away from her as they stood lined up, waiting for their orders. And although Evan stayed facing forwards, (Y/n) could feel his head turning and his gaze drifting down to her every now and then.

"Okay, Buck, Eddie, I want you round the back with the 211 to evacuate. Chimney you go with me through the front to make sure everyone gets out. And (Y/n)," Bobby's gaze lingered on her for a few seconds and his eyes narrowed. He could either see or just sense tat she wasn't at one hundred percent today. "Go with Hen, help check everyone over and assist medics."

(Y/n) didn't question it, she knew not to and deep down she was relieved to have an easier task than running in blind to get everyone out. She wouldn't be quick enough today and she didn't hold enough strength to pull anyone out and run back in for a second go. Helping the wounded was a much easier job for (Y/n), it was automatic to tend to people and help with their injuries whereas Buck and Eddie were far better suited to run into the burning buildings and find ways to get out.

The call out lasted an hour and a half and by the end, (Y/n) felt broken.

She was glad it was over. She wanted to go back to the station and collapse down in a chair. She never usually needed to recharge her batteries like this but today, she felt drained down to ten percent.

Patching the injured up had been an easier task than running in and out the burning building but now (Y/n) was flagging. She shouldn't feel this breathless, shaky and dizzy from walking around tending to the wounded.

With all the equipment packed up in the medic bag, (Y/n) hoisted it up on her shoulder and made a slow walk away from the make-shift tents, over towards the fire trucks that felt like they were a mile away.

She barely got three feet from the tents before it felt like her lungs were filling up with stones and all the air was starting to drain out of them like they had a leak. And when her stomach started to clench, (Y/n) had no choice but to drop the medic bag down to her side and hunch forward to crease her stomach and try to relieve the tension.

Her body started to burn up so much that (Y/n) dropped the bag at her feet and threw her helmet down beside it. She ripped open her jacket and leaned forward with her hands braced on her knees and her chin tilted down into the top of her chest. She willed the urge to be sick to dissipate. She didn't need to stand in front of everyone and throw up; she would embarrass herself.

Evan's lips curved into a frown and his brow creased when he looked over at his wife. He took off his helmet and rattled his fingers through his knotted curls and squinted over at his girl. She looked like she was about to throw up.

When he realised she was wobbling and her knees suddenly caved, Evan darted into a sprint to grab her.

"Baby- woah, woah hey I got you." His arms bolted around her waist and he reeled her into his chest. His chin tucked down into his chest to look at her properly as she curled her hands around his biceps to stay upright.

"I- just dizzy."

"You're not dizzy, you're sick baby girl."

(Y/n) shivered and leaned forward to tuck her face into his jacket, breathing in the combination of Evan's scent and the smoke clinging to his clothes.

"No, I'm o-okay." The sickness was starting to wear off the longer Evan held her upright and took her weight for her. She could feel herself calming down already, it was just her stomach knotting itself up. Maybe she had a stomach infection rather than a sickness bug.

"Of course you are, and I'm five foot one. Come on, back in the truck." Evan kissed the top of her head before he circled his arm around her waist and pinned her into his side to keep her up on her feet. His other hand moved to cup her hip and he started walking back towards the truck. He would come back and grab her gear once he'd gotten her sat down and calmed down in the fire truck.

(Y/n) reached up to grab the door handle but she was grateful Evan just held her hips and effortlessly hoisted her up in the air. He lifted her up and moved her inside the truck as if she weighed nothing at all.

"Baby-"

"Don't baby me. If you have another wobble or you throw up, you're going home. Got it?"

Rolling her lips together, (Y/n) nodded and looked down at her hands that she locked together on her lap. If it was the other way around she knew she would be exactly the same with Evan and he only had her best interests at heart.

***

She was going to be sick.

The burning in her stomach turned into an intensifying ache in her abdomen and each and every muscle was contorting and twisting inside her in a way which felt impossible. The agonising twist of her muscles stopped her from standing up straight but she tried her best to look as okay and as normal as possible.

One arm bound around her stomach and her other hand gripped the metal banister as she almost slipped down the stairs. She needed to get to the toilets behind the shower room before she threw up in front of everyone.

Evan had been right. She should have told Bobby the moment they got back to the station that she felt sick and needed to take the rest of the shift off. But she didn't. Her pride stopped her from asking for help or leniency and because she hadn't been sick or in immense pain, Evan didn't push her to go home.

(Y/n) should have gone home.

When she reached the corridor, (Y/n) slumped forward until her chest was almost pressed down into her thighs. Tears burned in her eyes and as soon as she reached the toilets, (Y/n) crouched down and bound her arms around her waist. Her body hunched up into a ball shape and she stumbled into a cubicle, crashing down to her knees in front of the toilet just in time to throw up.

The static in her ears got worse until it was deafening white noise and she began to shake despite the cold air in the bathroom.

God, it had been a long time since she had a sickness bug this bad. The last time, (Y/n) had a stomach infection and couldn't eat anything for three days. It had kept her up at night, striking her with pain every time she tossed and turned but that was still different to this. That had been her stomach, this pain was in her abdomen.

Pushing up, (Y/n) flushed the toilet and turned around to sit down on the toilet with her knees spread apart and her elbows on her knees. Her hands smothered her face and she dropped her head down between her thighs to relieve the blood swelling up in her head and making her feel dizzy.

Tears soaked into her palms and small hiccups bubbled past her lips when the pain only got worse and made her limbs coil inwards.

Something was wrong.

Something was drastically wrong, this couldn't be a normal sickness bug or an infection or a problem like IBS. This had to be different, (Y/n) had never been in this much agony before in her life.

Maybe she was having a hernia. Maybe her intestines were twisting and cutting off blood supply to part of her intestine and she would need surgery to fix the issue. Maybe something was rupturing like her spleen or her appendix. It had to be something drastic and that meant (Y/n) needed to tell someone. She needed Evan. She wanted her husband. He would know what to do and how to make everything better.

When the cramping, throbbing pain dulled down, (Y/n) did her best to take a few deep breaths to try and pull herself together. She had to go and find Evan and talk to him.

Her hands moved to run up and down her trousers as she willed herself to stand up. The sooner she moved, the sooner she could get some advice and go get help for whatever ailment she now had.

"Oh God!" A burning sob bubbled past her wet lips and both her hands moved to her stomach when a horrendous pain made her double over.

She struggled for breaths, gasping and choking as her body slumped to the left and her head pressed into the plastic wall of the cubicle. Her knees spread wide into each wall and her hands imbedded into her stomach like she was trying to merge them through her skin to grab her organs.

Her knees wavered and struggled to hold her weight when she pushed up to undo her belt. She raked her trousers and underwear down but her vision started to blurr and sparkle with white dots when she looked down at her underwear and slumped herself to sit back down. That wasn't right. That was very, very wrong.

Why was there blood and fluids in her underwear?

The moment her hand gingerly moved between her thighs, her arms recoiled and (Y/n) braced herself on the wall as she cried out.

"No! No, no." This wasn't happening to her. She was having an out of body experience. She was seeing this happen to someone else, not her. This was a nightmare, a bad dream. A horrible vision of someone else's life. None of this was happening to (Y/n). It couldn't be.

Both her hands moved to smother her mouth and nose to the point she wasn't breathing when the toilet door opened.

Her trembling fingers dug into her cheeks enough to scratch her skin and her trembling body started to shake the cubicle wall along with her jittering knees that were bashing into the walls. She could barely feel each little breath that left her lips but she heard the gasping hiccup she let out when she tried to breathe deeply. It was hard to control her cries and be deathly silent when her body was going into shock.

She leaned back and slammed her elbows into her waist when a light knocking rapped on the door.

"Everything okay in there?"

It was Hen.

This was not a state (Y/n) wanted any of her coworkers to see her in. She didn't really want Evan to see her like this either, but he was the only person she would allow to witness and help her in this state. She needed help. She knew she needed help and Hen could get Evan so he could be the one to help her.

(Y/n) struggled to try and take another deep, rumbling breath and she held it in her lungs, waiting out the snapping pain in her abdomen before she tried to speak.

"Can y-you g… get Evan for me? I'm n… not well." There was no other way to put it and (Y/n) didn't want Hen panicking and trying to open the door to help. She didn't want anyone's help even if she knew she needed it. She needed Hen to think she was being sick so no one would crowd around the bathroom and try to listen in and bustle their way in to help her.

"Sure, can I do anything to help you? Maybe give you an examin-" Hen was a trained paramedic, she could go get her bag and check (Y/n)'s vitals and see if she could do anything to help her.

"Evan. Please."

"Okay, I'll go fetch him." The worry was evident in her voice but as soon as she left the room, (Y/n) let out a sob and crumpled her chest over onto her knees. Her arms bound around her lower waist and she doubled over, tucking her head down to smother her cries and soak up her tears and runny nose.

Her stomach was on fire, it felt like her intestines were being twisted and pulled down and her chest was burning like she was on fire on the inside. All she wanted to do was curl up as small as possible and pass out to make everything stop. She wanted to wake up at home in bed with Evan and have this be a bad dream or a distant memory from weeks ago that she didn't have to remember.

She heard the door open again and for a second, she froze, trying to stop herself crying and control the shaking just in case more people were coming in. But she only heard one familiar set of footsteps. One set of heavy clad boots that carried a lot of weight when they bashed into the floor. It was only Evan who came in and the door shut behind him. She was safe.

"Baby? Baby it's me. Hen said you're not feeling well." Evan moved towards the only closed cubicle and pressed his left arm against the door while his right hand lightly tapped on the door to let her know it was him. "Can you open the door for me baby girl?"

(Y/n) stretched an arm out and pulled the bolt across before she coiled back in on herself. Her arms stayed around her waist and she tucked her face down into her knees so she didn't have to see her husband's worried, panicked gaze and feel embarrassed and stupid.

Evan rolled his lips together and took a deep breath when his eyes set on his wife. Panic rolled through him in waves that he couldn't control. He wasn't sure what to do or where exactly to touch her but he knew there was very little he could do if they were both in this tiny cubicle with (Y/n) folded up like a piece of paper.

He took two steps forward and crouched down on his knees in front of her. His hands reached out and gently cupped her exposed thighs while he kissed the top of her head.

"Baby… can you talk to me, hm? What's going on?"

His hands started to move in deep circles into her thighs but he felt worse the longer (Y/n) kept crying. He could hear her panicked breaths running away without her and she was bubbling and gasping and trembling all at once.

"Alright, sit up for me," His hands moved to her shoulders and he slowly eased her up and straightened up in front of her so they were level. "That's better. Now I need you to tell me what's going on. You're clearly in agony, baby, can you tell me where the pain is?"

Evan cupped (Y/n)'s chin between his thumb and finger and kept her head level with his so she could look at him.

He could see the pain written across her face and shown in her cries and trembling body, but that wasn't enough. Evan couldn't begin to help if he didn't know why she was suddenly in agony, where the pain was coming from and why it was happening.

He looked down when (Y/n) pressed both her hands into her abdomen and pushed so hard he fretted she was going to bruise herself. But when Evan glanced his eyes down, he gulped when he looked at her underwear. Blood. Something told him this wasn't the usual period cramps, he'd never seen (Y/n) in agony like this before and she would of told him if it was her period causing the problem. And if it wasn't, why was she bleeding?

His hand rubbed across his jaw and down his neck in anxious habit before he sighed.

"I'm gonna move you just a little, okay? I need to get you out of here because we both don't fit. Take some deep breaths for me baby girl."

With his arms wound around her waist as carefully as he could and (Y/n)'s head burrowed into his neck and her hands on his shoulders, Evan slowly moved onto his feet and stood up. He held her tight and slowly shuffled backwards until he was out of the cubicle and (Y/n) was coiled into his chest.

(Y/n) dug her nails into his shoulders when he turned them both around and slowly lowered her down onto the tiled floor before he moved to kneel beside her.

"Can I take a look?" Evan motioned his hand towards (Y/n)'s stomach, he was getting nowhere asking her questions when she seemed to be in too much shock to cooperate with him.

When she nodded, Evan carefully peeled her hands off her stomach and lifted up her shirt. He pressed the base of his hands around her tummy and down near her hips to try and feel for any lump or abnormality without applying too much pressure to hurt her. He didn't like the reaction he got; flinches, whimpers and then a bursting cry when he pressed below her belly button.

Evan suddenly froze when (Y/n) screamed. She slumped forward, latched both her hands around his left arm and pulled it towards her chest. Her temple pressed deeply into his shoulder and her knees pulled up as she screamed into his shirt and made his body come over in shivers.

"What? Baby what's wrong- what did I do?"

"Baby."

"What?"

Clamping her lips together, (Y/n) pulled on Evan's hand and moved his palm between her thighs. She could see the confusion written on his face when his brows narrowed and his lips parted slightly in a way that showed he didn't understand what she was trying to show or tell him. She tugged on his hand until he finally took a deep breath and shuffled round to kneel between her legs.

His hands were gentle when they clamped around her thighs and parted her knees to the side but (Y/n) could see all the colour fading from his face until he was left a pale grey.

"Oh fuck… Oh- baby how the Hell are you in labour?!" Evan dug his fingers down into (Y/n)'s thighs until he was leaving indents and bruises in his wake.

How could she be in labour?

It wasn't possible. (Y/n) couldn't be pregnant. She didn't look pregnant, she didn't have a raised stomach or a bump or any abdominal movement to suggest she was having a baby. She'd had no more back pain than the rest of the team after a horrid shift. She didn't have morning sickness a few months ago. No swollen ankles, no cravings or obvious changes.

If she was in labour now that meant that she had been working when she should have been resting. She had been putting herself- and a baby, in harms way by continuing to be a firefighter. She had been around smoke, running in and out of fires, carrying heavy equipment, helping move people on back boards and going up the ladder. Everything she should have stayed away from she had been doing.

When (Y/n) started to cry, Evan leaned down and kissed her knee and tried to rub his hands along her thighs. He didn't mean to shout or make her think he was angry with her. It wasn't as if she had been hiding the pregnancy from him and the rest of the team.

"I'm gonna go grab Hen and get a med bag-"

"No- oow, Evan don't leave me!" (Y/n) latched her fingers around his wrist and pulled him back as she leaned forward and screamed. Something was happening. He couldn't leave her, not for a minute, not even for a second. He had to stay with her.

"Okay, shh hey I'm right here…" He glanced around before a light bulb seemed to flicker and he reached around the the radio strapped on his belt. "Someone bring me a medic bag to the toilets. Now! I've got an emergency back here."

Evan leaned down and looked down between (Y/n)'s thighs before he sat up on his heels and started to unbutton his shirt. He slipped it off his arms and laid the shirt over his knees, leaving him in his trousers and vest.

"Baby, you need to push for me, if this really is a baby it's coming now."

His hands continued to rub up and down (Y/n)'s knees while he tucked his chest down near his knees. He had delivered a few babies on the job alongside Bobby over the years, but never one where a woman didn't know she was pregnant. And this wasn't just anyone or just a colleague at the station. This was Evan's wife. He was going to be a dad and he was only just finding out on the day his wife was giving birth.

No one was going to believe this.

(Y/n) leaned her shoulders up against the cubicle behind her and dug her nails into the back of her thighs as she cried out and screamed. Tears drenched her face and a hoarse scream clawed at the back of her throat.

"Buck? What's going… on?" Unease and confusion tore through Hen when she pushed open the toilet door and held her breath when she looked over at the couple. they were sat in the middle of the floor with (Y/n) slumped up against the cubicle and Evan knelt between her legs with his shirt in his hands.

"Got any clamps in that bag?"

"Any… what are you doing?"

"She's having a baby so find some fucking clamps and help me!"

A quiet mutter of 'oh my God' blurted past Hen's before she slumped down to her knees next to Evan and started rummaging through her bag. Every few seconds, she lifted her head and leaned to look over Evan's arm just to check that this wasn't some prank. Or that Evan hadn't got this drastically wrong and was preparing for an entirely wrong situation.

"Head's out… come on, one more push then you're done baby." Evan shuffled his shirt a bit higher over his hands that were shaking when he curled them around his baby.

His baby. God, he was going to be a dad. How was he going to be a dad when they weren't prepared for this at all? They had nothing ready for a baby, not even a single onesie. What were they going to do?

"Well done! Look at that, a little girl," Hen pressed her fingers to (Y/n)'s wrist and checked her pulse while her other hand rubbed up and down her arm to try and keep her calm.

Evan's arms began to tremble as he ran his hand up and down the newborn's back until a little string of whimpers and cries left her ruby red lips. He swaddled his shirt around her and brushed his face against his shoulder to clear away the tears so he could see her properly.

He had a daughter.

He waited patiently for Hen to put two clamps onto the cord and cut it before he leaned between (Y/n)'s legs and carefully eased their girl onto (Y/n)'s chest. When (Y/n) curled her shaking hands over their baby's back, Evan held her wrists and smoothed his thumbs up and down her skin to try and keep her calm because he could see she was going into shock.

"You really had no idea?"

"Do you think we'd of had her on shift if we knew?" Evan sassed back with an air of anger about his words.

Neither of them would be on shift right now if they knew (Y/n) was nearly nine months pregnant. (Y/n) wouldn't have been on full duty if she knew and she would of been on maternity leave by now if they had some prior knowledge about their daughter coming into the world.

"What's the emergency in here- oh- oh Hell. Eddie get a gurney, Chim fire up the ambulance." Bobby clamped one hand down on his hip and ran the other up and down his face when he looked over at the three of them on the floor with a newborn crying between them.

"Placenta is in tact but you're bleeding a bit, I'll give you something to clot your blood." Hen rummaged around in her bag when she noticed a small puddle of blood forming on the floor between (Y/n)'s thighs. At least the placenta was all together. The last thing they needed with a surprise baby was an operation to remove a broken part of placenta.

"Evan…"

Moving her arms, (Y/n) nudged their girl towards him when the shaking got worse and she felt like she was going to be sick. A baby on her chest was a sudden, comforting weight but when she felt sick, it was also a suffocating feeling.

She closed her eyes and tipped her head back against the cubicle, pulling her arms into her chest when Evan gently eased their daughter into his arms. She coiled her arms tightly together to try and make the shaking subside but she was grateful when she felt Bobby kneel down on her other side. (Y/n) was grateful when Bobby held her hand, he didn't mind the shaking or her tight grip and he rubbed his free hand up and down her shoulder.

"Well this is one Hell of a surprise,"

"We're gonna need some time off," Evan rolled his lips together, supressing his smile when he looked down at the new bundle in his arms. He would need some emergency annual leave now. He didn't have the time to put in a request four weeks in advance and wait for approval.

Evan could feel a headache forming behind his eyes already at the thought of having to go and buy everything. Right now. Today. Or tomorrow at the very least. They needed everything from clothes to a crib and bottles and nappies and Evan was going lightheaded from the thought.

"Do you know how much paperwork I'll have to do now?" His smile showed he was only jesting.

Evan needed time off now and (Y/n) was going to be off work for a few months, starting from today. Bobby was going to have to find a replacement for (Y/n) while she was on maternity leave. He would need to do a report to the chief to explain why she needed the time off so suddenly and explain this situation and how they came to have a birth in the station.

It would be investigated to make sure (Y/n) hadn't kept this a secret or that Bobby hadn't put her in danger and forced her to work through her pregnancy since he hadn't given any papers to say one of his team was pregnant.

"No one's going to believe this… I've got to ring Maddie- oh God, and my parents." No one was going to believe Evan when he told them he now had a daughter. Not that he was going to have a daughter or that (Y/n) was pregnant, but that she had given birth,

He was going to have to explain to Maddie that she now had a niece and get Maddie to help explain to their parents that their first grandchild had been a wild surprise.

"Oh my God what happened in here?!"

[bobluvbot]

someone you loved

pairing: sirius black x f!reader  summary: your relationship with sirius hurt so much, that the only way forward was to forget. wc: 3k a/n: angst angst angst!!! lots of negative self talk and low self esteem, allusions to a bad childhood (not stated directly), implied emotional abuse & cheating, both sirius and reader are going through it.

snippets of his voice echo in your head like a haunting lullaby that doesn’t seem to end. its funny how the mind is known to block out the traumatic memories, but for some reason, yours kept record of the most painful ones that left his lips.

you’re just too much. 

i can’t love you the way you expect me to.

i’m ending this.

i’m sorry, but i can’t deal with this, with you, anymore.

it keeps repeating like a song once loved, now loathed left on repeat, and a stop button might be somewhere but you can’t bring yourself to turn it off. it reminds you of that habit you secretly developed when you had two large bruises on both your knees after a nasty fall, bone hitting pavement. nothing bled, which was a relief to the new babysitter as no bright band-aids would be blatant proof of her lack of attention on the kid she was supposed to keep watch on. blood kept within the skin, nothing left to do but to watch your body slowly take it back. you were curious of how the color changes each day, the angry reds bleeding into dark purples that resemble galaxies that you’d see on your astronomy books. one day spent examining your bruises again, you pressed on the reddish purple one too hard and tears spring up your eyes when the sting hits. but as it lingered and faded, a strange feeling of satisfaction replaced it, and you felt the urge to press on it again, curious to see if the same unknown feeling makes an appearance again. It does, and the fascination as you play in between the lines of pain and pleasure follows you as you grew up. Curious, you once read up on it from those muggle books, where you learn that the body itself releases pain-killing hormones that help relieve the perception of pain, leading to a temporary feeling of relief. 

you knew thinking about sirius’ words will never not hurt, will continue to bury you in a deepening hole that you have to fight to the nails to crawl out of, but you couldn’t stop. 

It gave deep seated satisfaction to that green monster in the back of your mind, responsible for only seeing the negative in each situation you find yourself in. ‘i told you so,’ it says in a tinny singsong voice, clearly pleased with each iteration of sirius’ words and the raw metal stabbing your heart each time.  

it also serves like a constant reminder of your failure. Failure to love like a decent person, failure to be the person that sirius needed, failure to gauge what was too much that the other person drowned without you knowing, failure to protect yourself and your dignity from being trampled on like nothing, and failure to just simply accept the fact that love just wasn’t made for people like you. 

being friends with lily made you forget a lot of things, fundamental parts that you realized so young. you knew better, should have after everything you’ve gone through, but somehow with her, anything seemed possible, achievable, tangible when you’re a kind person. marlene would always say, doing good things meant you can expect to receive good things back from the universe.

and for the most part it seemed to always work that way. you’d witnessed james nurture the simple appreciation he had on lily’s genuine smile at him that eased his nerves while they were in line to get sorted into houses throughout the years, growing as he’d gotten to know her innate kindness and wit, and finally erupting from him like rays of sunlight until he became brave enough to speak it out loud starting fourth year. 

Even though the marauders had acted questionably during their early years of exploring their pranking abilities, james had always been full of love. Never hesitating to share it to those he truly cared for. it took lily years to accept this, and more to gain courage and let herself experience it. 

by 7th year, you never believed a love could thrive like that whilst cradled with such young hands until you saw james and lily do it effortlessly. 

so what part of this could’ve made you think otherwise? 

were you to blame for believing in that fantasy, that something like this could be attainable for someone like you, too? 

you had always housed deep adoration and awe for sirius black, like many others, despite his wild reputation and scandalous rumors that seem to always follow when his name gets uttered.

why? Because he was once the raven haired boy who slipped the trolley witch a few sickles when he saw you return the pumpkin pasty after realizing you couldn’t afford it. 

it had been a gloomy tuesday. the trolley witch was supposed to go compartment by compartment, but the bumbling first years seemed to miss that memo and started piling up close to the cart to see what was being sold that she had to force them all in a line. you were quiet and unobtrusive as you stood patiently in line; which was nothing compared the boys’ raucous laughters and animated chatter behind you. sirius would’ve accidentally pushed or stepped on you if he didn’t see your figure. the train was loud and so was james’ mouth, so excited to be away from his parents and to have his first official Hogwarts friend, but sirius also stood close enough to you that he could hear your stomach grumbling and see your arms crossed over your midsection. he admitted once that he found the gurgling sounds funny (like an eleven year old would do) but he didn’t have the heart to poke fun at you because he remembered he’d hear the same thing from his own when his parents would send him to bed without eating. 

even before your turn, you were already overwhelmed at the amount of food and candy available, none of which sounds or looks remotely familiar to what you’ve had growing up. your heartbeat picked up when you heard loud sighs, feet tapping impatiently (both James) snorting and shushing (sirius), and just grabbed something that resembled bread, quickly apologizing to the witch that gave you a kind smile. you hadn’t eaten anything as you rushed to pack the mismatched, secondhand supplies that the headmaster had sent you, and you were dropped off to the station just in time before the train left. your fingers trembled in excitement to finally eat and in hunger as you fished out your coin purse. It took a few seconds before it sunk in that you don’t have enough to buy your pasty. How embarassing. 

You swallowed your tears back, willing the hateful voice in your head to keep quiet for a minute or two, just enough time to put back the pasty and run to your deserted compartment, where you could freely go to town beating yourself up for your stupidity. Just quick enough so no one will notice. 

It took three deep breaths before the dam opened, for the tears to run uncontrollably down your cheeks. You couldn’t even wipe it off because your hands were still clutching your stomach, trying to ease the growling, gnawing pain. Pathetic.

The compartment door opened and you didn’t even hear someone clearing their throat, only looking up when a hand dropped three pasties, a chocolate frog, and a bottle of pumpkin juice on your lap. Barely balancing it, you looked up to see who took pity on you, but only caught a glimpse of stark raven hair and alabaster skin.

you’d find him later during sorting, squeezed between three boys that couldn’t seem to shut up about what house they thought the other would go. not used to kindness, much less from a complete stranger, you hesitated approaching him. but fate always had a weird way of showing you it does listen to your wishes once in a while and you found yourself later on, scooting a bit to your left to make space for him on the bench of your shared house. you both exchanged a knowing smile, and you’d always remember him like that. The kind boy who gave you a feast even without knowing who you were. 

you’d remember that boy when the pouring rain had finally soaked through your thick coat as you waited patiently for him at madam puddifoot’s on your first Valentine’s day. Despite the fact that he was already two hours late and the cafe would be closing soon, you chose to wait. 

you’d remember that kind boy when some mean ravenclaw girls in class would pick on you for the most absurd things, embarrassment coursing through your veins as you looked back at him desperately for some reprieve, only for him to avoid your gaze and continue to guffaw at something James said, effectively ignoring your existence. 

You once asked him why. It was embarrassing how quick he figured out what you were really asking. In fact, he knew a lot of things: that he didn’t deserve your love (or anyone’s for that matter), that someone as pure and selfless as you shouldn’t even associate with the likes of him, and that he was aware of every single thing he does that shatters you whole. He knew that he should tread this conversation gently, to not let his claws rip further skin more than he already has, but the Black darkness has its way of slithering out of the deep recesses he tries to bury it in. 

Words leave him exasperatedly, like he’s not spouting words that cut through skin. “I’d been clear to you right from the start, of what I can give you and what I can’t. You knew what you were getting into, Y/N. you put this onto yourself.” 

He storms back into his dorm before he could hear your quiet sobs echo through the empty common room. 

—-

lily knew in the back of her mind that this wasn’t just a simple, silly request now, but more of an obligation to her closest friend. 

it’s been three weeks. three excruciating weeks to be handed and given and filled with so much love she didn’t need to ask for, whilst seeing her best friend chip away with the lack of, like a once-bright porcelain doll that was abandoned and exposed to the direct heat of the sun. 

you had finally gone silent by last week, like a shut door. refusing to eat, go to class, speak—- hell, lily bets, if you could also not breathe by choice, you wouldn’t. It’s like youre keeping everything you once had given to the world thoughtlessly, close. Dorcas thinks you were keeping close to heart the mundane things that make you alive, to remind yourself that you still are. She had said, like air to a balloon. lily cried herself to sleep that night, the thought of losing such a fundamental part of her life, you, inch by inch, day by day, in front of her very eyes was a haunting, damning thought. Something that she and you both thought would come so much more years later, with unsurmountable memories, many glasses of champagne and slices of cake, wrinkles and smile lines, more laughter and loving hugs exchanged. 

she had thought the silence was a welcoming sign of change. A necessary step towards acceptance and moving on. she was relieved when your crying stopped, tremors leaving your fingers, and there was a chance again for the redness to vacate the whites of your eyes. She held hope that she and the girls can start working on instilling your light back, hopeful that a few months from now their star can find its way back to its rightful place in the sky and everything could be okay once again. 

Lily looked forward to nights that were filled by snores and shuffling of sheets, not the unmistakable sound of your feet on the wooden floors, misjudging that everyone was asleep, the muffled creak of the dorm room door opening and closing, and your footsteps fading in the dark. She’d wait fifteen to thirty minutes (the longest was an hour or two on the first night) before she’d hear you return, footsteps still light but she could hear the slight drag in each step, almost as if it was taking so much of your might to even make it to the bed. the quiet whimpers would start, followed by muffled hiccups lily knew only happens when you cry too hard. it took so much of her to exercise self-restraint, to keep herself on her own bed and not lay beside you and hug you as if it’s something that could put you back together. 

She has to turn her back on you even if it felt like raw betrayal. 

Because that one time she didn’t, she couldn’t forget the look of horror, dejection, desperation, and pure unbridled embarrassment on your face when you realized she knew what you were up to late at night. She knew you came up to the boys’ dormitory, crawling into sirius’ bed, where you begged and begged for him to take you back, that you’ll be a better more doting and loving girlfriend this time around, that you won’t be too attached this time and will give him the necessary space and time he needs so he doesn’t feel suffocated, that you’ll be anything, do anything just for him to welcome you back into his arms and whisper sweet nothings in your ear until your throat was raw, and sirius has to physically take you back to the start of the staircase to your dormitory. 

this happened for days and days on end until the boys had to lock their door at night, or whenever sirius is in. 

james couldn’t meet lily’s eyes when he’d ask for her help to keep you apart from Sirius as it would do you no good. they had gotten into a fight because of this, because lily heard nothing but  ‘stop her from making a fool of herself’ and her best friend is the smartest intuitive empathetic kindest witch she had ever met; the farthest thing from a fool. 

But one day those very words came off your lips with a hollow laugh. “But I am a fool, Lily. No one in their right mind would even do half the things I do.” It would be hypocritical for lily to deny sneaking out at night and crawling into your ex’s bed and begging for him to take you back as something of a desperate fool would do. A girl once had chased and pined for Remus during the entirety of fifth year and the things she did to get his attention were laughable at that time. But she didn’t plan to see the same, even worse, done by her best friend, and she still couldn’t wouldn’t call you a fool.

After all, your only fault was that you loved. And that shouldn’t even be a fault because that’s what she did with James, marlene with dorcas, her father with her mother. even someone as selfish as petunia could find love and be loved right back. 

you of all people deserved to love and be loved right back after everything you’d been through, and james would say the same thing for sirius as well. 

but sirius was a complex person, lily could recite this on top of her head from endless times where you stood your ground, defending sirius’ honor like he’d see your great martyrdom and suddenly consider you once again worthy of his love and affection. Before, she knew of sirius as a friend and James’ brother— but she knew more than what she signed up for because you’d fill in the gaps for her when she’d try to beat some sense into you during the unacceptable treatment you’d accept from sirius. 

You’d say with such confidence “he loves me, he’s just going through a lot right now, especially after that howler his mother sent him a few days ago.”

You didn’t have to elaborate, lily remembered that day vividly, not because of the way sirius’ face fell when the howler began its assault had reminded her so much of how she’d react after getting bitter letters from petunia, but because that same day she saw sirius being manhandled by a hufflepuff, both kiss sick and all over each other, into a secluded broom closet. 

It was years worth of push or pulls, of moral dilemmas that would get the outspoken redhead to choke on her words, and dejectedly sweep them under the rug out of your sight. Because the beaming smile and flushed cheeks you’d sport when Sirius murmurs sweet nothings in your ear, the weight on your shoulders dissipating when tucked in his arms, the jump in your step whenever he’d kiss you on the forehead and wish you good luck for the day— Lily couldn’t bear the thought of robbing you with those moments of bliss, even when it’s all done in private. 

So in an empty classroom on a gloomy Tuesday afternoon, she points her wand at you, fingers trembling and tears trailing down her cheeks, but you don’t see any of these. Instead, your beautiful features wear a serene expression that weakens lily’s knees. Oh how she missed her dearest friend. She’d do anything in the world to get you back, hold your hand, and dance with you in the autumn rain. 

So she does the wand movement like she practiced for days and takes a breath. She pictures you and Sirius happily dancing barefoot during the yule ball, your blushed cheeks when you told her about the feel of his lips on yours for the first time, you on sirius’ shoulders as you carried the quidditch cup, both smiling big as remus snaps a picture from the muggle camera, you drifting off to sleep on sirius’ shoulder while your hands were laced as you rode the train back to hogwarts.

Before mumbling the incantation, obliviate.

[rhys-writes-some-shit]

"Sing to Me?"

Alastor x Reader (QP)

Yawning, you trudged out of the bathroom, drying your hair loosely with a towel. You were warm from your shower and the filling meal you'd had a little while earlier. Alastor was probably the best chef you knew, a fact you were extremely proud of. Even if your preferred form of protein was banned from the hotel premises, Alastor was always able to make do with what he had.

Despite it being late at night, you grabbed your laptop (a very rare, not VoxTech one) to work on some paperwork. You'd promised your boss to get these spreadsheets done, and you weren't one to shirk on your promises. Yawning again, you tuned your old-fashioned radio before settling down with your laptop. The radio had been a gift from Alastor. Many late nights had been spent listening to his broadcasts. They'd always been a comfort, even before you'd signed a contract with him.

Some light jazz filtered through the static, one of your favorite songs. Alastor knew you were listening. Smiling lightly, you started typing away.

The music was occasionally interrupted by a bloodcurdling scream or a sharp whimper. Your smile never left, humming along while Alastor had his fun. Part of you was vaguely aware that the radio show was now being broadcast all throughout Hell, that you didn't even need the radio, but you liked it, so it stayed on.

The spreadsheets were simple enough. With the radio in the background, you were able to focus just enough that the job came naturally. In the back of your mind, you started going over the next day’s schedule.

You'd ended up zoning out while you typed, not even noticing how the radio switched to static and then turned off by itself.

A single knock preceded Alastor's entrance, enough to break you from your thoughts. You were quick to notice the faint blood splatter on the sole of Alastor’s shoes, the only evidence of his previous activities.

“My dear, you know how I abhor those vile machines,” Alastor reprimanded, walking and starting to subconsciously organize your room. A chair was pushed in, a painting adjusted so it was even, the bottom drawer of your dresser lightly closed.

“Yeah, yeah.” You grinned to yourself. “I need it to do my job, Al. Besides, do you have any idea how hard it is to find a piece of electronic equipment that's not created by VoxTech?”

“All the more reason to get rid of it.” Alastor walked over to the window and stared out at it. He was a little lost in thought himself, it would seem.

Typing a line, you said, “I liked your broadcast.”

“I'm glad.”

He was quiet. Something was wrong. Your grin died down, pushing your laptop to the side. Alastor’s smile was still there, but dimmer. Sadder.

“Al? You okay?”

“Nothing to concern yourself with, dearest,” Alastor replied, a slight edge in his voice.

You wanted to push. To get him to talk to you. But you knew it wouldn't be worth it. If anything, he'd just get upset or shut down more.

“You know, sometimes I wonder what would've happened if we'd met while we were alive,” You said nonchalantly. “I mean, obviously that would've been impossible in the first place, considering I wasn't even born when you died, but I just wonder about it.”

“What a ridiculous thing to wonder about!” Alastor laughed a little. “As you said, it would have been impossible. And why think about being alive when we have all of death to enjoy?” His tone lightened a bit. “There is so much entertainment to be had! Life was quite dull, comparably.”

You wondered for a moment, trying to figure out where to lead the conversation. “Where did you live, when you were alive? You already know where I lived when I was alive, it's only fair I know where you lived.”

Alastor’s grin softened a bit, still sad, but with a hint of happiness in there. Nostalgia, if you had to guess. “New Orleans, Louisiana. I lived there with my mother. I had a delightful job as a radio host.”

“You're still a radio host,” you teased playfully. “What was it like, back then?”

“Ah, it was… entertaining.” He didn't say anything more, lost in thought as he leaned on his cane. You were vaguely aware that you were the only person who ever saw him like this. Alastor wore his smile like armor, guarding himself with a nonchalant facade, but very rarely, behind closed doors, the guard would fall, just for a little while.

Just as you were about to open your mouth to ask another question, Alastor spoke, “You seem quite tired, my dear. Maybe it is time we part ways for the evening.”

Pressing your lips together, you knew he was right. You really should be getting to bed, but you were worried about Alastor. You hadn't seen him like this before, so it was impossible to guess what he'd do once he was alone.

“You really should learn to hide your emotions better.” Alastor turned suddenly, chucking to himself. “There is nothing to worry about, darling. I am perfectly fine.”

“Yeah, you say that, but for some reason I don't believe you.” Stifling a yawn, you gave Alastor a look.

“Now, now, don't be like that.” Alastor came and sat on the edge of the bed, using his magic to set the laptop on top of the dresser. “What can I do to convince you to sleep?”

Leaning back, you thought for a moment. When the idea hit you, your face flushed with embarrassment for a moment, but you swallowed the anxiety. He did ask, after all.

“Sing to me?”

Alastor laughed, causing you to glare. “Again with the ridiculous ideas!” When your face fell subconsciously, Alastor hesitated.

When he didn't say anything, you accepted the fact that it was a ridiculous request. Assuming he'd leave the room on his own accord, you used your magic to turn out the lights as you slid under the covers of your bed. You never did get all those spreadsheets done like you'd wanted.

“Parlez-moi d’amour.”

Alastor’s slightly-static-filled voice was quiet. His eyes faintly glowed in the dark and you watched him with wide eyes.

“Redites-moi des choses tendres.”

Smiling softly, you sank into the bed, closing your eyes and allowing Alastor’s comforting voice to wash over you.

“Votre beau discours /

“Mon cœur n'est pas las de l'entendre /

“Pourvu que toujours /

“Vous répétiez ces mots suprêmes /

“Je vous aime.”

((The song))

[literaila]

hey

gojo satoru x fem!reader

summary: you're both drunk and (not) in love

warnings: alcohol mentions, angst if you're me, fluff, nonsensical conversation

a/n: i will be messing with this later but if i have to think about it for any longer i'll cry (also listen to be (acoustic) because i said so)

last part | next part

*

year four.

the house is almost silent, tonight. 

usually, at close to midnight, it's quiet. the house will buzz as the furnace works, the house settling itself into the earth, but there's none of the laughter that echoes throughout the hallways like it does during the day. no names being yelled across a threshold, much too loud for the size of the house itself. 

the kids are always in bed this late, and usually you and satoru are too--besides the nights where you stay up talking or arguing, speaking with soft voices for so long that your throat is sore by morning.

those are the nights when you fall asleep on the couch together, or you migrate to one of your rooms, speaking nothing of the broken rules in your relationship. 

satoru's bed is a lot more comfy than yours, anyway. his blankets are heavier and his pillows are fluffier. 

or that's what you usually think to yourself in the morning when you wake up there once again. it's an excuse, sure, but at least it's more reasonable than reality. 

but tonight is quiet because the kids aren't home. and it's almost midnight, and the two of you are just walking in through the door. 

and, admittedly, you're a little bit drunk. 

"don't--" you say, laughing languidly, tripping over satoru's legs as he pushes the door open. it took him five tries to unlock it, but you don't say anything, because everything looks a bit uneven. "don't forget to shut it all the way."

satoru ignores you. "why are all of the lights off?" 

you step over the tiny shoes left by your front door, almost tripping on air, and flick on the lights. you squint at the brightness, groaning.

but the lights do nothing to ease the eerieness of the hallway. 

you can't remember the last time you came home this late. the last time you had a night without the kids. 

it's probably why the two of you went a little overboard at the bar. but it's hard to keep up with shoko anyway, so it's not really your fault. 

satoru hiccups. "why don't we have night vision?" 

"humans suck," you answer, trying to kneel to take off your shoes, which are pinching at your feet. 

"true," he says, kicking his own sneakers against the wall. his jacket is already off, and on a normal night you would chastise him for not hanging it up, but at the moment you've kind of forgotten about the coat rack. 

and how to think properly. 

"did you--" you shake your head, looking at satoru, who seems to be upside down. "did you lock the door?" 

"of course i did, i'm not a heathen." 

but you see him rattle the doorknob, clumsily, and that must satisfy you because you walk out of the hallway, into the living room, which is just as dark as the rest of the house. 

it's strange that no one else is home. strange that there's no one to tuck in, no room to peek your head in before you pass out. 

"how late is it?" you ask satoru, who's following so closely behind you that you almost fall back into him when you stop. 

"dunno." 

"is there someone here? i feel like i'm in a horror movie," you turn to satoru, who's squinting around like he'll be able to see something in the dark room. "where are your glasses?" 

"dunno," he says, with a grin. and then hiccups again. 

you roll your eyes, but grab his hand as you pull him along the house, trailing to one of your rooms--you can't remember which--and forcing yourself to take off your socks before you climb into bed. 

it's a good thing that both of the kids are gone because neither of you are exactly quiet as you walk through the house. satoru is tripping every step, and you're holding onto all of the walls trying not to do the same. 

seriously, neither of you ever get out. 

and, in the blink of an eye, you're in someone's bed--hopefully yours--nuzzling yourself under the blankets. your head is swirling, and you can't see anything, but satoru is there, you think, because you can feel him. 

like a buzz on your skin as his hand trails up your arm, and he pulls you into him, probably. it's all fuzzy. and you don't care what he's doing anyway--you trust him, even drunk. 

"i'm never drinking again," you mumble as you turn, wiping something off of your face.

satoru laughs. his breath on the side of your cheek makes you blink. "you said that last time, i think." 

"i was right." 

"lightweight," he teases like he isn't slurring the word. 

he's so very close, and yet, you curl your leg around his, trying to get yourself even closer. 

satoru doesn't complain as you move, as fast a dream, and then you're lying on top of him. 

maybe it's not his bed. maybe he's the comfortable one. 

you blink hazily at his smile and press a chaste kiss on his jaw like it's an appropriate thing to do. 

you can't think of anything to say, so you just hum into his skin as you settle in. you kinda want to lick him.

"why're you so cold?" he asks you, rubbing your arms. 

you don't respond. 

being with him is like walking on top of everything else. walking on nothing at all, actually. 

his hands wrap around your waist, secure and sure, like he's never hesitated a day in his life. and you think, just for a moment, that you've never been warm like this.

that maybe you've been living in a tundra. maybe that feeling in your core has been frozen for so long, and satoru is the only thing warm enough to defrost it. 

but it takes a long time. that hurt, that fear eased in the edges of your soul cannot be cleared out with a single burst of flame. 

though satoru is not one single thing. 

but, nonetheless, his hands on you, holding you to him, are enough for now. 

his eyes--with nothing to stop them from reaching you, like a blindfold or lens--have always been far more than you wanted. 

but he's looking at you, so you can't think about any of it.

you want to tell him something, but you’re not sure what. there’s something in your mouth, ready to come out. but it stays hidden, a secret you’re keeping from even yourself.

his eyes are on yours, focused and sure, pupils blown.

you kind of want to laugh at him, because inhibitions make you giddy. and satoru has always been something that excites you. 

his face echoes with the memories of two children, two foolish kids who never understood just how good they had it. 

have it. 

"do you think i'm strong?" satoru asks you, still slurring, and he's joking. he's been quiet for a while, so you don't know where this is coming from. on a normal night, you'd probably be concerned about the question. 

but tonight you just giggle against him, tracing the slope of his eyebrow, which makes his face twitch. 

with your other hand, you pretend to feel around his arm like you'll find anything but muscle. "hmm," you pinch his bicep, giddy when he flinches from your touch. "i guess. might wanna hit the gym, though." 

you think you might die from just the way he's looking at you. 

"you're a bad liar," satoru grins at you. he's breathing heavily through his mouth like you've exhausted him. 

"so are you," you tell him. 

"says who?" he asks, and he's lying to you right now. 

"me. remember when you tried to convince me that you painted that portrait in the hallway?"  

"i did," satoru swears, but he shakes his head as he says it, looking away. 

a bit of reprieve for you, but you still tilt his chin back. you want his eyes.

"see? bad liar." 

"i get it from you." 

you grin at him, not sure what it means. 

"if you died, would you come back to haunt me?" satoru asks you, suddenly. like the question is significant, in some way. 

"if i die you'll already be a ghost," you say to him, "because you're dying first." 

"no, i'm not." 

"do you want me to die?" 

he pretends to think about it. "well, no, i guess. but if you did, would you haunt me?" 

"definitely. i'd throw things around the house for you to clean up. and mess with your conditioners." 

"so you're an evil ghost." 

"just a bit of karma for letting me die." 

"i'd avenge you," satoru argues. 

"i don't want to be avenged," you roll your eyes. "just keep me alive."

"oh, yeah. guess i could do that." 

"you guess?" 

"i mean... it's a lot of work. i'll have to look at my schedule." 

"next time i go on a mission i'm going to come back hurt just to see you freak out. maybe i'll lose a limb. or some brain damage? which is worse?" 

satoru, who squirms around a paper cut, gives you a plagued look. "i'm going to tell yaga about the threats you're making." 

"like he'd believe you." 

"i'll lock you in the basement. you'll never go on another mission again. there, i solved our problem. you never leave the house and i don't have to worry about keeping you alive." 

"we don't have a basement." 

"oh. right," he frowns. then he blinks, and the smile is back. 

"also, i keep you alive every day. you can't return the favor?” you sigh. “i'm being exploited." 

he raises a brow. 

"who do you think hides all of the sweets?" you ask him. "the kids aren't eating all of those." 

"where'd you put my pocky?" 

"you'll never know." 

"i'll torture you for information. i know where you're ticklish." 

you squirm away from his seeking hands, but don't move. you grasp one, stopping him from touching any further than your side. "i'm not scared of the man who won't even remove his hair from the drain after he showers." 

satoru makes a face. "but it's all slimy and weird." 

"it's your hair! stop making megumi do it." 

"i feed him. he can help out." 

you have to keep yourself from giggling again, like a foolish girl who’s in love with her best friend.

you roll your eyes and fall flat against him, letting go of his hand, even though it's very soft, and you relax on his chest. there's a moment where satoru settles into this--into you--and then his hands begin to roam the expanse of your back.

"if i was a ghost," satoru whispers, "i would lay on top of you in the morning so you couldn't get out of bed." 

"like a sleep paralysis demon?" 

"yup." 

"dont you already do that?" 

he licks his lips. "it'd be scarier if i was invisible." 

"can ghosts touch people? i don't think they're tactile." 

"i'm not like a normal ghost." 

"not like normal anything." 

satoru nudges his nose against your forehead in retaliation, but he doesn't argue. it's not like he can, anyway. 

"hey," you whisper, after a moment. you're looking up at him, admiring the slopes and concaves of his face at this angle. his eyes almost make his face glow, his own personal light. 

"hey." 

"do you think the kids are awake right now?" 

"no," satoru sighs. "nanami probably put them to bed at six. after feeding them straight broccoli." 

"i told him their routine..." you mumble. "i think." 

"d'ya think megumi'll haunt us?" 

"he'll never die," you tell him, "just out of spite." 

"true." 

"you can't haunt him, okay?" you say, very seriously, giving him a flat look, which he laughs at. "when you die he deserves some peace." 

"no promises." 

you poke his chest but have no answer. actually... you're not even really sure what you're talking about. or that it matters. 

there’s something in your mouth, ready to come out.

but satoru is still warm. he smells like bitter alcohol and bubblegum. 

"hey," you whisper, again, looking at him through half-lidded eyes. you’re not sure what you’re doing.

he is blurry this close, but you can still see all of him. you'd know his face if you went blind, behind a mask. you could black out--you probably will--and he'd still be there. 

"hey," he murmurs back. his voice is like a punch to the throat. but his smile is effortless.

"you're pretty," you whisper, as you think it. "and sweaty." 

satoru's looking down at you, and his smile stays the same. his breath is on your face, sugary sweet. "so are you." 

"i know." 

satoru laughs, his knuckles running across your cheekbone. it almost makes you shiver. "pretty," he whispers like it's a joke. 

"why're your eyes so blue?" 

"wavelengths, or something. didn't you pay attention in school?" 

you laugh, shaking your head at him. it's funnier than it should be. 

"don't you like my eyes?" he asks, suddenly pouting. 

"yeah. they're like a nightlight. 's never dark." 

his eyes are probably your favorite thing in the world, you don't say, 'cause you can't think. his eyes are unimaginable, and so close to you.

satoru swallows, shaking his head. "that's all i am to you?" 

"and a teddy bear. you're comfy." 

satoru hiccups, but holds you closer, smiling against your forehead. "good." 

there's a couple of minutes where the two of you bask in the silence. the quiet is a nice break from it all. and you're both so drunk that the usual fears can't seem to make their way in. 

not the way they usually doing, plaguing your body. fear is just something that is, right now. nothing to be afraid of.

but, even so, you've never felt so safe. or so sleepy.

and this time, it's satoru who whispers, "hey." 

"hey," you say, back. you smile at him. his fingers trace circles on your back. or maybe he's writing something. you can't tell. 

it feels nice, though. 

"i like you," he says. and you're not sure if he means in general, or here, in his bed with him. maybe it's a question. 

it doesn't matter. 

"i like you too. hey?" 

satoru just hums this time. you can tell that he's about to fall asleep, because his eyelashes flutter shut, and his breathing has begun to even out. 

"satoru," you say, again, because you want to see his eyes just one more time before you fall asleep on top of him. 

you have to say something. it could be the alcohol, but it might be just you.

"yeah?" 

"i think i'm in love with you," you say, and you mean it but it's not what you meant to say. but you're half-asleep, about to drool on his chest, so you can't even contemplate the words. 

is it drunk and in love? or drunk on love? 

you can't remember. 

you could probably kiss him right now. he’s close enough, and you’ve always wanted to. but, even this version of you knows that it would be a bad idea. so you don’t. and you don’t think about what you’ve just admitted.

satoru's smile is vicious, as it begins to blur. you can feel his heart beating against your fingertips. "yeah?" he whispers, and you're not sure why he sounds breathless.

you nod against him. 

"me too," he murmurs, and you can't think about what it means. he whispers something else that you don't hear.

because the two of you fall asleep just then, and the words don't really mean anything. 

just, you know, everything. 

*

in the morning, your head pounds. 

one of you left the blinds open last night, so the sun wakes you up, shining through the trees outside. your mouth is dry, and your throat burns, like you swallowed knives. 

and you're still on top of satoru, and you remember exactly how you got there. 

he's groaning when you begin to move, holding you closer. and this isn't all that unusual. 

but when he opens his eyes, there's a daze in them. some secret he's thinking about as he looks at you. 

and you both forget to mention that you remember the night before. and everything that was said. 

you probably shouldn't talk about it with a hangover, anyway. 

*

next part | series masterlist

[ultram0th]

“I’m telling you, Dude,” Justin Howells vented to his workout bud as the both of them ran on the treadmills for cardio day, “his staring is getting to the point where I’m thinking about talking to the owner.” 

Justin was annoyed about how when he’d walked into the locker room because he’d forgotten his reusable water bottle, he’d spotted Dave near his stuff. It wasn’t that Dave was a bad guy or anything. The 40ish year old man had been a competitive bodybuilder back in his prime, but after years of no longer competing, he’d grown a sizable muscle gut that gave him more of a bearish appearance— and he’d made it clear that he found the fitness influencer very attractive.

Justin carried on, not only pissed that he’d been under the impression that he’d caught Dave trying to mess with his stuff (he didn’t have any proof unfortunately), but that the ex-bodybuilder was across the gym at the barbells, not even trying to hide the fact that he was blatantly staring at Justin as he ran.

His friend, Mike, just grunted, too focused on his run than anything.

Justin went on though, mainly so that he could clear his head of all the rage he was feeling. “And the fuckin’ weirdo tries to play it off all cool,” he huffed, feeling his meaty pecs bouncing as he continued to run shirtless. “I tried to confront him, but he shoved my water bottle at me, as if he’d known that I’d go back for it.”

“…yeah, isn’t that something…” Mike panted.

Justin rolled his eyes as he grabbed his water bottle, unscrewing the top as he ran so that he could keep his heart rate up. “No lying, man, next time that roidhead messes with me…” he trailed off and took a sip from his water bottle, the cool liquid sending an odd tingling sensation throughout the stud. He ignored it and swallowed, his mouth feeling like he’d just licked a D battery.

He noticed Dave’s smile growing larger.

“Next time, what?” Mike teased.

Justin cleared his throat and grunted. “I’m gonna…” he coughed and felt his mouth twitch and his tongue seemingly move on its own, “…suck his cock.”

He paled at the words that left his mouth, having had absolutely zero intention of saying anything even remotely close to that. He’d wanted to say that he’d kick his ass.

Mike flinched and cocked his eyebrow. “Huh?” he asked, slowing down the smallest bit.

Justin Howells shook his head and cleared his throat again, even rubbing at it with a muscled hand. “Um,” he stammered, “I said that I was gonna… suck his big cock so hard until he shoots his fat load down my throat!”

The stud nearly fell off the treadmill in shock and horror. Not only had his mouth seemingly forced those strange words out by itself, but he even shouted it out loud, garnering the attention of a couple of other gym goers who gave him weirded out looks.

“Keep it down!” Mike hissed. “You can’t be joking like that so loudly. People are gonna think you and Dave are some kinda thing.”

Justin struggled to regain his footing, his heart racing in his bare chest. He locked eyes with Dave, who was red in the face as he tried to stifle a laugh. However, the second their eyes met, Justin winced internally as he felt a stirring in his cock.

Dave gave the mortified stud a knowing wink as he performed bicep curls, his massive, hairy muscles bulging with power. He then stood up and began to waddle back towards the locker room, his broad back swaying to and fro.

At the sight of such masculine power, Justin’s cock started to plump up. “Wh-what the fuck… is wrong with my slutty body?” he hissed to himself. He frantically looked around the gym, wanting to wail out as he noticed that the stirring in his loins calmed down whenever he looked at anyone else in the gym, but the second his eyes landed on the older bodybuilder, his cock twitched excitedly and he felt himself flex his asscheeks.

“Justin, you okay?” Mike asked as he looked at the other man’s pale face.

Justin turned to his friend, desperately wanting to tell him that something was horribly wrong— that he couldn’t control his words and that he was getting hard just by looking at Dave. Unfortunately, when Justin opened up his mouth, his mortified ears heard himself say, “I’ll be even better as soon as that muscle daddy fucks my tight hole.”

He didn’t wait for a confused response from Mike. Instead, Justin hopped off the treadmill and stomped his way over towards Dave, his hard cock tenting out the front of his shorts. He knew that something was wrong and based on the knowing look that’d been on Dave’s gruff, handsome, chiseled, stubble-covered face, Dave knew what it was. He rushed into the locker room and stopped right in front of the older bodybuilder and tried to lean over him in a threatening way,  but his his eyes hungrily taking in the sight of the older man’s hairy pecs barely covered by his tank top ruined it.

Dave just smirked back at the red-faced man. “Can I help you, Bud?” he asked in his baritone-filled voice.

At the sound of the deep, manly bass emanating from the bodybuilder’s plump form, Justin felt his cock twitch and start to leak pre-cum. “Your sexy ass better tell me what you did to me,” he hissed, trying to keep his voice down and wincing when he’d outwardly referred to the man as ‘sexy’.

Dave tried to look innocent, but the chuckle that escaped his full lips gave him away. “What do you mean?” he asked. “And you really find me sexy?”

Justin wanted so desperately to lash out at the older man, to demand that he fix whatever the hell was happening to him. His body, however, had other plans.

“You better shove that thick cock up my ass right now!” he barked, his eyes widening at the gay words that left his lips. Straining, he tried again, even clenching his jaw as he struggled to control his own words. “Wh-what… what the fuck d-did… did you do… me… Do me, Daddy!” He stomped his foot in frustration.

“Yeah, maybe later,” Dave winked, making the other man shudder. “First, I’m gonna let you suffer for a bit— I’ve always heard every time you’d talked shit about me in the gym. Well now, I think you’ll find it hard to say anything negative about me at all from now on.”

Justin paled at what Dave had admitted. He had no idea how, but somehow the muscle gut-having bodybuilder had cursed him, forcing him to constantly vocalize his need for the man’s cock, making him sound like some perpetually horny slut. He imagined himself at work or even the grocery store, unable to say anything besides how badly he wanted a man’s huge, veiny cock in his mouth or ass. Worse was that he couldn’t take his eyes off of Dave’s hairy muscles, his own cock painfully hard now.

“You gotta fix this, Daddy!” he begged, even bringing his hands in front of himself. “Please, fuck me in the mouth and let me swallow your cum.” He coughed and tried again. “Let me be your little muscleslut! N-no, fuck my tight hole… lemme suck those muscletits…” He trailed off, starting to feel hopeless. 

Dave stood up and started to head out of the locker room. “I’ll fuck you after my workout,” he promised. “In the meantime, why don’t you go out on the floor and finish what you were doing.”

Justin’s heart raced, but he found his legs moving on their own accord as he strutted back out onto the gym floor.

Mike found him and hurried over. “You alright?” he asked, concerned for his friend. “You rushed off so quickly, I thought you’d gotten sick.”

Justin could feel it bubbling up in his throat. He pleaded with himself to stay quiet, but his mouth started to move all without his say so.

“I’m great, Stud,” he chirped. “I just had to admire Dave’s huge, sexy muscles. They’re so big and manly, especially his massive cock. After my workout I’m gonna let him wreck my tight hole, and then I’m gonna suck him off and ask him to tug on my nips…” The words just kept pouring out of the humiliated stud, and Dave couldn’t help but smirk as he overheard.

[aviscarrentals]

why i believe alex replacing logan is the worst possible decision williams could make

#1: logan’s confidence

we saw this exact thing happen with checo last year. after his brief stint of trading wins with max, max continued to consistently wipe the floor with him via the gap in their performances. this continued to eat away at checo’s confidence until, by the end of the season, he was t-boning alex albon in singapore for no reason and somehow retiring twice in suzuka. now that there has been an extended break and he has had the chance to grind and truly work on himself nonstop, he has returned with incredible form. but who knows how long this will last? as soon as there’s a race that isn’t a red bull 1-2, he will be completely torn into and i believe the downward trajectory of last year will repeat itself.

this is very similar to what logan went through last year. once he was announced, there was so much hope for an incredible debut season, but that never came his way. i think the first big nail in the coffin was getting his first p20 at his home race and i think the biggest hit was qatar. even though he should never ever be ashamed of putting his safety first, i understand why, from an athlete’s perspective, he would look at that race as a failure.

fortunately for him, he has had a team with incredibly strong leadership backing him up. giving him the opportunities he needed, never giving up on him, celebrating the single point he scored last year like he lassoed the fucking moon, and re-signing him because he has such incredible potential as a formula 1 driver. everything went wrong for logan, except for williams, who did everything right.

except now, williams has publicly stated that they have no faith in him to score points. now the only support logan has is random fans at races, strangers on the internet, and his own friends and family. that must feel fucking awful. logan has been so positive throughout the struggles of this year and last, but he has to be hurting right now. there’s no way he isn’t.

logan sargeant is not a bad driver. you can disagree with me as loud as you want to, but i won’t hear a word of it.

absolutely stunning junior career aside, logan showed incredible improvement towards the end of the season. not only did he score a point in austin, but he came unbearably close in mexico, and if it weren’t for a hydraulics failure, he very easily could have had two points finishes in a row.

this year may seem like it has gotten off to a bad start for him, but i heavily disagree. in bahrain he had great pace and was steadily climbing closer and closer to the points when he had a brake failure. the car switched his balance completely on its own and made it literally impossible for him to turn. even max couldn’t recover from that.

in jeddah his pace was wonderful again. i think his biggest struggle currently is qualifying, but he was overtaking beautifully and making his way up the field. while 15th isn’t a spectacular finish, he was matching alex quite well throughout the whole race. (also jeddah sucks so he gets a pass 👎)

george russell did not score a SINGLE point during his rookie season for williams and he is now a race-winning future championship contender and beating his 7x wdc teammate in the standings at p4. logan has already beaten that AND he has an experienced driver that he seems to get on with quite well as a teammate to mentor him, which george didn’t have; he was william’s number one driver from day one. logan has so much potential that is only being hindered by his lack of confidence, unpreparedness (reminder he was brought to f1 an entire year earlier than he was originally supposed to be; they planned for him to be a 2024 rookie), and a shitty car.

#2: alex albon

now poor alex is in the worst position of his life. brother already probably feels like shit for putting logan through this (even though it is NOT his fault and he has absolutely zero say in this decision) and if he doesn’t score any points this weekend, he will be torn to shreds by the media.

i have already seen multiple posts including alex in their list of fuck yous. this will do incredible damage to him pr-wise and will also make him feel even worse if he doesn’t somehow pull off a miracle performance.

#3: albert park

alex is an incredible driver, constantly pulling a back marker car into the points. however, this is a track that he has historically struggled at (in the exact same turn might i add!!) for multiple years in a row. who’s to say this mistake could not be made tomorrow or sunday as well? that will make everyone involved look and feel horrible.

not to mention that the fw46 is NOT SUITED for albert park. AT ALL. vcarb’s official website describes it as a ‘medium-high’ downforce track, which is exactly what the car is suited to struggle with, making it nearly impossible for albono to score points (which, like stated before, will be terrible for him) as well as making this gp a likely inconsequential race! meaning this is the perfect opportunity to let logan drive on the limit and really showcase his true talent and capabilities as a driver.

but now williams has chosen to do the complete opposite and ruined logan’s trust in his team as well as any other offers from rival teams for him for the 2025 season. if logan’s own team would bench him for his teammate, why should they take him over a talented upcoming rookie? (this is a rhetorical question; i truly believe he has the potential to, with a good enough car and team behind him, become a race-winning driver in the future.)

#4: james vowles and the future of williams

james has justified this decision by mentioning how every race counts and that a single point can make a world’s difference in the midfield. while this is true, james has also been on the record multiple times saying that he doesn’t give two shits about this season (as well as the next few). he has stated that his goal is long-term, to rebuild the team and return it to its former success of the 90s and early 2000s. so why ruin the reputation of your driver who you have been supporting since his junior career over the possibility of a single point or two? that is a short-term solution, not a long-term one. james is usually a wonderfully eloquent speaker, however, he has completely contradicted himself here.

in my opinion, the best decision would be to race logan. while i love alex to death, he’s the one who crashed his car, completely on his own with no fellow drivers or failures on the car’s side to blame. logically, he should be the one to sit out the race, no?

like i briefly touched on before, i also think this is a golden opportunity to put logan in a race where they will most likely come away with nothing anyways and give him the opportunity to pull off something incredible (which he absolutely can under the right circumstances). if he was able to have a good drive on sunday, he would be a star and williams would look like geniuses. with this decision, everyone just looks like an asshole.

final thoughts

to conclude, i am no certified expert, but this decision makes zero sense to me, as it also does to many others from what i’ve seen. i usually wholeheartedly agree with all of james’ decisions, but this one beats me. i cannot for the life of me figure out why williams would choose this.

there is a part of me that hopes williams will reverse this decision before sunday in order to save themselves from all of the pr backlash they are facing, but i understand that that is very much wishful thinking. the only good thing that can come from this is williams finally learning how to be prepared and/or logan being able to channel his frustration into motivation (although i don’t think there’s any way for him to possibly work harder than he already has).

if anyone disagrees with me and thinks this is the right decision for williams to make, i would love to hear why. no one has to agree with me, these are just my personal thoughts on the situation.

-avis 🏎️💨

[meanbossart]

What is your take on Astarion's relationship with his siblings?

I have put unreasonable amounts of time into thinking about what the dynamics were like during Cazador's reign in that house. I mean, imagine sharing the same tasks, bedrooms, and general experiences of abuse and duress with the same people FOR TWO HUNDRED YEARS. That's absolute madness. If any of you have had experiences with co-living with family under stress for any extensive amount of time, you know very well the levels of emotional 4D chess-ing that tend to take place as a result. You end up distributing so much frustration and anger around and often onto the very same people you will ultimately seek comfort from - this is that situation but blown up to impossible proportions.

So, "strained" doesn't really do justice as a descriptor here. I believe the family had a dynamic, ever-evolving hierarchy within itself, years-worthy of time where the spawn shifted alliances and made "cliques" within themselves - rebels would evolve into pushovers and trusted friends would turn into snitches. You had endless amounts of drama within the group and flies on the walls would witness them cut each other's heads off one day and sob into one another's laps the next.

Naturally I think all of them were resistant to the concept of being a "family" at first, but it's pretty much impossible to not develop family-like ties throughout that long of a period. Following Cazador's death, I believe there would be further splintering within as some want to maintain said ties and others are eager to cut them - seeing both their siblings and the relationships themselves as yet another painful reminder of what Cazador imposed upon them.

I think Astarion falls into the latter category. If he had his way, he would never see, speak, or think of his brothers and sisters again. And while the sibling nomenclature is a deeply-rooted habit, he doesn't think it holds any legitimacy whatsoever (whether or not that's the case in his heart is another matter).

Dalyria (the moon-elf physician, whom I have come up with a story, personality, background and motivations during several long showers that might not necessarily line up with yours, so, if anything of what I'm about to say seems pulled out of a hat, it's because it was) is the opposite. She has grown attached to the constant presence of her siblings and taken a mother-goose role upon herself. With the Exception of Leonard and Violet (more on that later) she has decided they are her responsibility and wishes the group would stick together.

I like to think that there's a lot of history between those two in particular. Obviously, the interactions between Astarion and his siblings are very brief, but It's enough to run with. Dalyria shows a lot of concern and understanding towards him and even pleads when he threatens Petras' life - again, I think she did a lot of trying to pragmatically keep the peace among them and genuinely grew attached to a few - Astarion being the main one of said few. You even get the smallest hint of a on-and-off intimate relationship with the way he derisively calls her by her nickname.

Also, Astarion very occasionally showcases enough emotional maturity that I could see him latching onto the one other person around who seems to have her wits about her, but he's still flawed enough that Dalyria can think of him as a younger sibling that needs her care. Not to mention that, to me, she demonstrates a penchant for moral superiority and a dash of a machiavellian outlook, based on her diary and her completely unapologetic initiative to kill a child on the small chance it would lead her to a cure - not any child either, but Leonard's child. I can totally see Astarion sympathizing and gravitating towards someone like that.

Which brings us to the rest of the siblings - I would wager that, at least by the end of it all, Leonard and Violet were the odd-ones out. As it tends to happen within any tight-knit group, when one succeeds by stepping over the others (even if the reasons for it are justifiable) that brews a lot of resentment and eventual exclusion. Leonard not only did that, but he apparently still held onto hope of future and family outside the Szarr house; wheter or not everybody wanted out, I think a us-versus-them mentality is unavoidable under those circumstances, and Leonard was looked down upon by the others in their respective ways for what he was trying to do.

Violet just seems like she had gone a little cuckoo to me. We get very little about her, but when I think of an adult woman playing childish pranks on her roomates while you are all stuck in what's essentially a human trafficking ring... I think of a person who's either just a very silly breed of evil or who has lost touch with reality, and the latter is more interesting, imo. I think no one liked her, not only because she was a nuisance but also because she became completely emotionally untouchable. I think both Violet and Leonard are spawn who did not survive long after they were all freed.

I'll stop here before I ramble on for another 8 paragraphs about Aurelia, Yousen and Petras (Oh Petras, my beloved), but, yes, suffice to say that I believe it was kind of complicated LOL

EDIT: Not me calling Leon "Leonard" this whole post. Sorry buddy, you look like a Leonard.

[blu-ish]

🌦️Song of the storm (Sonadow fic)

...

It seemed like it was never ending. The rain poured like a faucet throughout the forest, bending leaves and branches down with a powerful force. Completely soaking the soil below. It was almost as if the world itself wept. Shadow couldn’t help but stare in awe, almost completely forgetting the figure that sat beside him. 

“It’s coming down pretty hard huh.” Sonic said, leaning a bit forward to look out at the darkened sky from their makeshift shelter in a small cave. Small wasn’t even the correct term, there was barely enough room for the both of them. However, Shadow could appreciate the hedgehog’s attempt at digging some of the dirt out to create some extra space.

He could see Sonic reaching out his muddy gloves to wash with the streaming water on the cave's lip. The ebony hedgehog hummed in agreement, “Yes, it is.”

“Interrupted our race too!” The blue hedgehog pouted, which was sorta amusing Shadow supposed. 

“It’s no biggie though, the plants needed a drink.” Shadow grimaced as Sonic shook his hands to which he could only fathom was to dry them, not so much himself though. He grumbled, shooting a glare at the hedgehog who only chuckled nervously in response.

All became silent yet again in the hedgehog's burrow, all except the song of the storm.

Another hour passed, and a second, and then a third, soon both hedgehogs seemed to grow sick of their shelter turned prison. 

Shadow hugged his knees, there was no possible connection out here to get in touch with Rouge or Omega. Even Sonic had tried to contact Tails, Amy, and even Knuckles at one point– which surprised the hybrid because he wasn’t even aware the echidna could get a signal on his floating island.  

Shadow didn’t necessarily get cold, but each time a drop of water happened to make its way inside and landed on him, he would shiver at the sensation. He started to wonder why Maria ever told him she had once dreamed of standing in the middle of one of these like they did in her novels.

He was really debating if maybe he should just convince Sonic to make a run for it and find their way back home. But he realized Sonic’s brother’s workshop would most likely be miles from where they both decided to get lost too. He mentally kicked himself for not thinking about any of this before, why is it whenever that hedgehog drags him into anything he loses himself?

Shadow’s ears suddenly perked up, a noise, almost a murmur at first came from Sonic’s direction. He turned slowly to face him as he realized Sonic was singing. He couldn’t name what song it could possibly be, Shadow knew very little of the modern day artists. But he never took Sonic for one who could possibly carry a tune. 

“What song is that?” He found himself asking, he cleared his throat awkwardly. “If I may ask.”

Sonic blinked, he took a moment to just stare at the other hedgehog, almost like he had no clue what he was talking about. Which just caused Shadow to get even more embarrassed and frustrated that he said anything at all. That was until a lightbulb seemed to go off in Sonic’s head, he “oohed” and smiled. 

“That? It’s a lullaby, I used to sing it all the time to Tails whenever we were traveling and I would spend hours trying to get him to sleep.” He smiled fondly, eyes drifting in thought. “He doesn’t do too well in thunderstorms.” Shadow could faintly catch the blue hedgehog’s frown.

“I see.” Shadow said a little more plainly then he’d hoped. So he added, “You're worried.”

Sonic simply shrugged, “What can I say, I’m his brother. That’s all I’ll ever do.” He laughed, and Shadow found himself softly doing so as well. 

As time went on, the hedgehogs found themselves telling each other stories to pass the time. Sonic would make Shadow swear on his “coffee beans” every time not to tell Tails all the embarrassing stories he’s told him about when he was a fox pup. Shadow found it rather odd, he wouldn’t tell, but if it gave the strange hedgehog reassurance he would go along with it.

Soon the stories shifted to Sonic's childhood. Shadow never realized how long Sonic was alone when he was younger, about his life on Christmas Island. How he described the world, how even then he was willing to risk his life for all who inhabit it. The hybrid was reminded how he spent his own early days, on the Ark, but he had Maria. Just like how Sonic has Tails. 

Without really realizing it, Shadow had started telling Sonic more about his past. The experiments, the pain. About how much pressure he felt on his shoulders trying his damn hardest to be a cure for her. That’s all he ever wanted to be.

He’s not sure how it became so easy to talk about these things, he supposed it took time. Especially with someone like Sonic the Hedgehog. But he concluded that’s exactly the reason why, because while he and Sonic were complete opposites at times… they were an exact mirror image of the other. A mere reflection of who they are inside, two hedgehogs willing to risk it all to protect the world and all they love, for who they love.

They were only interrupted by the occasional sharp clap of thunder that would echo through the woods. Causing them to jump only a few times, and then laugh once more.

Soon, Shadow didn’t even notice until he glanced down that he and Sonic were basically leaning on each other. He suspected the blue hedgehog was cold, and surprisingly, he didn’t mind. He knew how Sonic felt about personal space, that was something they had in common after all. 

“How are you doing, with all this water?” As much as Shadow relished the silence, he was genuinely curious. Sonic let out a delayed “hm?”, he realized he might have caught the hero dozing off. 

“You think I can’t survive a bit of rain Shads?” Sonic scoffed with a toothy grin. “How dare you.”

Shadow’s quills stood up ever so slightly, clearly annoyed. “That’s not what I was insinuating at all.” He moved his arm away from Sonic, a very clear cold filling the void. They both noticed it, and stopped. They didn’t dare bring attention to it.

Sonic instead for whatever reason, shifted, standing as close as he could to “standing up” as he could get in the burrow. He glanced over at Shadow who was looking at him with what he guessed was an amusing expression since the blue hedgehog stifled a laugh.

“Want me to show you instead?” Sonic asked, reaching a hand out to Shadow. Right when he thought he was just starting to understand this hedgehog that confused him so, he goes and does something he would never expect. Especially from someone he knows has an innate fear of water. 

“What do you think you're doing, Sonic?” 

“You don’t have to,” Sonic said almost unnaturally softly. “But, I want you to trust me.”

Shadow sat there for a moment, trying to juggle his options as quickly as his mind allowed him. But as soon as Sonic started to put his hand down Shadow swiftly reached and took it. An action that felt a little too familiar.

“Fine,” he muttered. “I will.”

Sonic grinned, and at that same time Shadow could feel a strange twist in his chest. Perhaps he has been in here too long.

The rain was surprisingly not as wild as before as they exited their shelter, with rays of sunlight peeking through the whitening clouds above. The raindrops caught onto both their quills, beading down one by one. It was almost refreshing, but still cold, very cold.

Except for the warmth that came from Sonic’s hand. He felt that weird twist again as soon as he let go. 

“See?” Sonic uttered, breaking Shadow out of his plaguing thoughts. “Nothing to it, a little water never hurt me!”

Unbeknownst to Sonic however, Shadow could see how often his ears flicked as the water touched them, or how his fingers flexed with anticipation. As soon as Sonic’s quills started standing up, Shadow confirmed that Sonic was, in fact, not enjoying this. Which gave the hybrid an idea. 

“I see, how about a challenge then.” Shadow stated, grabbing the blue hedgehogs attention rather quickly. He grinned.

“A race, in the rain.” He then pointed back toward the direction of which he hoped would be one of the Mobian villages they were previously at before their first race. 

“First one back wins.” 

Sonic smiled, “Oh, you're on Shads!”

As they got into position, Sonic dug his shoes into the mud, trying to get as much of a grip as he could. Shadow had already felt at a slight disadvantage since his air shoes relied on heat from his chaos energy to activate; he was sure they’d work just fine, but he was hardly thinking about the mud. The rain that sprinkled his skin, kept his mind from wandering for too long.

From the moment they took off to the moments they stole glances at one another. The rain was there. 

They twisted and winded their way in between the trees, over boulders, and across the grassy hills. And again their race had turned into a game. A game of chase, just like before.

Sonic would lose Shadow, but then Shadow would find him. Shadow would hide behind something, then purposely bump into Sonic. They’re usual competitiveness was still there, but soon something else was too.

They would circle each other occasionally, with little to no real known reason between them. It was almost like a dance, one Shadow didn’t see himself losing. 

Their combined speed broke through the rain, sending raindrops flying in every direction with each sonic boom. The sound in perfect sync with the distant thunder. Each breath filled with damp air. The earth under his skates, and someone to enjoy it with right next to him.

With the village in view, he could feel Sonic beside him speed up, and so did he. He blinked raindrops out of his eyes, using a bit more energy to pass Sonic ever so slightly. 

Until it hit him.

He saw Sonic zoom away, seemingly not realizing Shadow stopped until he was a bit farther away. The blue hedgehog came rushing back, worried.

“Shadow?” He could feel his eyes darting around him, he slowly got closer to Shadow. “Are you okay, why did you stop?”

Shadow chuckled, staring up into the sky with a smile. “This is what she meant, by being in the rain.”

Sonic paused, he raised a curious brow, but smiled fondly anyway.

The two hedgehogs squinted as the sun finally made it completely through the clouds, the rain reduced to occasional sprinkles as the warmth reached them.

Shadow felt Sonic nudge him a bit, raising his arm over his shoulder. The hybrid rolled his eyes and leaned into it. Just this once.

They watched the clouds for a bit before Sonic spoke up, “You do realize I won right?”

“Oh? Did you?” Shadow peered up a bit, he felt Sonic stutter before clearing his throat. 

“Uh, yeah! You're the one who decided to have a moment in the rain while I crossed into town.” He smiled. “So what do I win?”

Shadow shrugged, “I wasn’t planning to lose, so I didn’t think that far.” he said flatly.

Sonic fake scoffed, “Oh, how you hurt me so~” Yeah, he was still as annoying as ever.

He eased Sonic away from him as he pointed a finger to the blue hedgehog's chest. “You decide what you win then.” 

Sonic had paused for a moment, back to staring at the other, and for a second Shadow could almost sense some sort of inner turmoil. Before he could ask Sonic shouted.

“Don Fachio’s chili dogs! I’m starving!” Sonic finally said, quite enthusiastically too, before adding slyly, “Your treat.”

“Fine.” Shadow could do that. But not before shooting Sonic an unheated glare. “But, you owe me one for getting us caught in that storm.”

“It’s a date then.” The blue hedgehog replied teasingly. Shadow couldn’t believe for the life of him that only a few hours ago he was letting his heart leak a bit and telling Sonic things he’s never told anyone. It was becoming a troublesome habit. But he supposed Sonic did the same, he knows a lot remained unsaid, and he’s not sure when they’d ever reveal themselves. But he did know one thing.

He wouldn’t mind being caught in the rain with him again.

[raynewolferune]

Meta Jazz, the Arkham Intern Therapist Pt 2.1

Note: The writing bug bit me while wading through the comments and replies so you guys get more! 😁 Special thanks to @the-scarecrow-of-aus & @starlightcat04 for helping spark this continuation!

Also, so you're not confused, this part is from Kon's POV and backtracks to before the Bane incident to explain how Kon started going undercover in Arkham. Pt 2.2 has the Bane incident from Kon's POV.

~*~*~

When Kon got the call from Tim asking if he'd be willing to do a favor for him, he hadn't expected it to be an undercover assignment in the infamous Arkham Asylum itself.

"You want me to do what?" He asked staring at Tim in disbelief once he reached the Nest to debrief.

"Go undercover as a new guard in Arkham." Tim repeated with a deadpan expression looking over his shoulder at Kon from his computer chair. Holy fuck, his eyebags were bad. 

"Have you slept in the past week, Tim?" Kon asked, taking in his best friend's appearance.

Tim frowned at the question. 

"I don't see how that's relevant but yes." He answered, heartbeat unchanging. Which didn't really mean anything since it was Tim but Kon decided he'd believe him. 

For now. 

Kon sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Okay, I'll do it." He said. "Can you tell me why we need someone undercover at least?" 

Tim eyes widened, startled by the question like he was surprised Kon didn't know yet even though Tim hadn't told him yet. Okay, deep breaths, calm down, Tim clearly hasn't slept in at least two days. Kon coached himself as his temper flared up at the evidence that Tim wasn't taking care of himself again. All the Supers agreed: sometimes you just wish you could beat some sense into the Bats and make them take care of themselves like normal human beings.

"Ah. Right." Tim said, turning back to the computer and pulling up some files as he explained. "Two thing have occured within roughly fifteen days of each other that together are rather suspicious. First, Dr. Thomas Rylie, Jonathan Crane's undergraduate roommate and classmate throughout undergrad and grad school, was hired to work as one of the new in house psychiatrists at Arkham Asylum. They also got their doctorates from the same school during the same time frame and both focused on the impact fear has on the brain. Dr. Rylie's focus was on fear conditioning and Dr. Crane's focus was on fear responses." Well, that sounds suspicious. 

"Second, Gotham University lost their minds and began an undergraduate and graduate internship program partnering with Arkham Asylum." 

Kon went cold. They did what?

Pictures of the Asylum, University, and three people -presumably Scarecrow, Dr. Rylie, and a young woman- filled the computer screen now. 

"The internship program has only one applicant so far and she'd already started working at the Arkham. Her name is Jasmine Fenton and her background is...sparse, to say the least." Tim turned in his chair to face Kon.

"I'm too recognizable in Gotham and among the rogues to successfully go undercover in Arkham so I've set you up with an apartment and ID as 'Kyle Jennings.' You're scheduled to start work at Arkham as a new guard tomorrow morning."

"Okay," Kon said with a nod. "What do you need confirmed? What are the primary objectives?" He prodded Tim again since his friend's sleep deprived brain seemed to think that was enough information for debriefing. It wasn't. Definitely not. A lot was implied but it wouldn't be the first time Tim had completely different intentions than what Kon had understood from his briefing. Sleep deprived Tim frequently assumed others could read his mind or something. Sleep deprived Tim was wrong.

"We need to determine if Dr. Rylie is here working for Scarecrow as part of some new scheme. We need to determine if Jasmine Fenton is complicit. We need to know if Gotham U is also in on it. And we need to find out what exactly Scarecrow is the planning." Tim stated automatically as he ticked each one off on his fingers.

"Got it. Guess I'll head over to my new apartment then and start prepping for tomorrow." Kon said, heading towards the exit. Tim hummed in agreement waving a hand in his direction as he left. That dumbass was probably already absorbed in the next case. Kon sighed, hopefully Tim would at least pass out sometime later tonight.

~*~*~

Kon's first day at Arkham wasn't anything special. He didn't see Jasmine, Dr. Rylie, or Scarecrow. He didn't see any rogues or doctors at all. It was just a really Gotham kind of orientation. 

"This is where we keep a cache of stun grenades, long-range scope rifles, tranquilizer rounds, and rubber bullets." His new supervisor and guide through orientation, Alex Fhizer, said as he showed Kon how to access, inventory, lock, and re-conceal the cache. "Everytime you pass by a cache on patrol, you will check the inventory again and sign off on it with the date and time. If anything is different from the previous inventory entry, you will immediately radio the tower and the island will be put on lockdown." Greyish Hazel eyes peered out of a weathered face staring Kon down. "You will never neglect to inventory a cache while on patrol. You will never neglect to report an inventory discrepancy. The first time you do you will be fired immediately and you can count yourself damn lucky if that's all that happens to you." 

Fhizer was intense, man.

"Yes, Sir." Kon answered. Fhizer's hard look lasted another long moment before the older man gave a firm nod and continued showing Kon the ropes.

~*~*~

The second day was no where near as chill as the first. Hell, his brain was already starting to warp, there hadn't been anything chill about that orientation.

Kon started his second day by boarding the Arkham transport bus with the rest of the staff and early morning visitors to the island. That was where he saw Jasmine Fenton in the flesh for the first time. 

She has got to be part Amazonian, was his first thought upon seeing her. She was around 6ft tall with a thick mane of red hair tightly braided reaching all the way down to her waist. Jasmine was wearing teal stud earrings, a silver bangle type bracelet on her left wrist, a white blouse, black slacks, and black flats. She carried a small, clear purse that only held a small notepad, pen, house key, chapstick, and a thin teal wallet that presumably contained her IDs, debit cards, and a small amount of cash. Damn, she was tall.

Kon's concentration was broken by the quiet sound of metal crunching slightly beneath his fingers. He immediately loosened his grip on the hand rail, checking for damage with a wince. He breathed a soft sigh of relief when he saw the damage was almost entirely unnoticeable to the naked eye. He'd have to mind his strength more closely. Kon was too used to the farm and facilities that were all reinforced to handle casual use from people with super strength. 

Tim's notes indicated Arkham wasn't reinforced for super strength anywhere. Not even along the outer walls. The facility had opted to use suppression collars on their meta inmates instead since they were cheaper and easier to repair and replace according to the official reports. However, Tim's notes had also mentioned that Arkham had reinforced the outer walls to account for super strength at one point. They'd poured nearly every dime the facility could spare into the project for months until the Joker himself had taken it personally. The madman had absolutely obliterated the reinforced outer walls until no part of them remained standing. Given Joker had destroyed the walls without having any meta powers at all and his history of viciously attacking -damn near mauling- anyone that tried to put him in a straight jacket, Kon didn't really blame Arkham for stopping while they were ahead.

Kon looked up as the bus jolted to a stop. The other passengers filing off around him. He watched as Jasmine Fenton was met by Dr. Rylie in front of the bus as he waited to disembark. 

"Ms. Jasmine!" Dr. Rylie greeted her enthusiastically with a broad open grin and beaming eyes. He reached towards her with both arms, hands open and she reached back. Their right hands clasped as their left hands landed on the other's upper arms as the two greeted one another openly. Kon wasn't very familiar with intern-mentor relationships nor what would be considered normal or professional for them, but it looked like a rather affectionate greeting for them having been strangers two weeks ago. That was strange, wasn't it? Was Tim right to be worried about them?

"Ms. Jasmine is the first and only applicant for Dr. Rylie, Director Keener, and Dean Byle's hairbrained idea to hire more doctors for this place." One of the older guards that had been standing just behind him on the bus explained having apparently noticed Kon watching the pair.

"They just seemed rather affectionate for Gotham." Kon shrugged dismissively as he turned to look over his shoulder at his new colleague. The shorter man laughed.

"A bit, yeah." He agreed. "I think Dr. Rylie is just desperate for this program to work out." He continued as they finally managed to get off the bus. Dr. Rylie and Ms. Fenton were gone now. "Pretty much everyone's been treating her like a princess." 

"That doesn't seem fair to everyone else." Kon commented, dropping back a bit to let the older man lead the way to the guards room for morning debriefing and to get their assignments. He'd already memorized the layouts but 'Kyle Jennings' shouldn't have yet.

"Who cares about fair as long as it works?" The guard answered. "If treating her like a princess scores more interns for the program in the long run, and if one intern every year ends up interested in sticking around, I'll be happy to cater to every single one of them." He confessed, stopping in the middle of the hall to turn and face Kon directly. Kon glimpsed the name Ryans as the silver name badge flashed the briefly reflecting the overhead lights. "You non-gothamites just don't get it. We're desperate for whatever help we can get." 

"That's why I applied here." Kon lied. "Going to school across the bay, I heard a lot about what went down over here while I was in college. I want to help." 

Ryans gave a short solemn nod then turned and led the rest of the way to the break room. 

~*~*~

Day four undercover was when Kon officially met Jasmine Fenton. 

Everything had been going well so far with his undercover assignment. He'd settled in to the role of Kyle Jennings, been getting along well with his new coworkers including Ryans and Fhizer, and hadn't yet managed to screw up inventorying the caches during the outer patrol loops. That being said, Kon was having other issues.

The worst part of being an unstable Kryptonian clone was that his strength tended to fluctuate. It normally wasn't much of an issue when he was surrounded by reinforced everything in his daily life but here at Arkham it was becoming a problem. Case in point, Kon thought to himself with an exhausted groan as his freshly made coffee mug shattered in his hand.

"Oh come on." He sighed snatching a handful of paper towels from the counter and bending to wipe up the coffee and ceramic shards on the floor. At least he was the only one in the room when it shattered. The door clicked softly behind him and Kon jumped twisting to look. 

Jasmine Fenton stood behind him having just closed the door to the break room after entering.

"What happened here?" She asked, sounding bewildered with slightly wide eyes as she took in the mess on the floor. Thank God. She didn't see it.

"Guess I was a bit more tired than I thought." He said with a forced laugh in order to hide his nerves. "Slipped right through my fingers."

She nodded, accepting his words at face value. 

"I've done that more than a few times close to finals." She admitted. "You guys have 10 hour shifts, right? You must be exhausted. When's your next day off?"

"The day after tomorrow." Kon said. "This is day 3 for me since orientation doesn't count."

"You get 2 days off followed by an on-call day, right?" She asked.

"Right," Kon agreed. "AKA 2 days of freedom and a day chained to the Bowery." He joked.

"Absolutely terrible, they may as well put an ankle monitor on you." She cracked back grinning. Kon snickered. The door opened again.

"I see you found another non-gothamite here." Dr. Rylie said striding into the break room with a wide grin.

"Sounds like that makes three of us." Kon agreed. Outside of Joker, he had never seen a gothamite grin that wide in his life.

"Dr. Thomas Rylie, a pleasure to meet you." Dr. Rylie introduced himself holding out his hand to shake. Kon shook his hand as gently as possible, mindful his strength was on the fritz.

"Kyle Jennings, nice to meet you. I just started as a guard earlier this week." He said then held his hand out to shake Jasmine's.

"Jasmine Fenton, I'm an intern therapist. This is my second week here." She greeted with a warm smile shaking Kon's hand. She didn't say anything about being glad to meet him, Kon noted. It wasn't exactly strange behavior but something made him take note of it anyway. Like by not saying it she was saying she hadn't decided whether meeting him was a good or bad thing yet. Dr. Rylie didn't seem to notice anything off with the interaction though as he went about making his own coffee. The three of them made idle small talk as they made their own coffees. Once his new cup was ready, Kon bid them both goodbye and went on his way. While they were his main objective, lingering too long this early into their aquantiantship would probably be strange.

He had several other small friendly interactions with both of them over the next few days. Taking the time for greetings, small talk, and sharing small bits of casual background info from Kyle Jennings's past to encourage them both to open up to him. He also broke a clipboard, two more coffee cups, several pens, and a doorknob during that time as his strength continued to fluctuate. The doorknob had been particularly embarrassing. He had gone to open the door for Jasmine when he saw her with her arms full of files and somehow managed to twist it in such a way that the screws holding it in place sheered off and the knob came off in his hand. Collins, his partner for building patrol that day, burst out laughing hysterically as Kon stared at the doorknob in horror.

"No worries, man." Collins said, clapping Kon on the shoulder still snickering. "Someone else probably broke it and put it back so they wouldn't get scolded or something."

"Yeah," Kon said with a nervous laugh. "That must be what happened."

Jasmine's eyes flicked between the two of them then she grinned.

"And here I thought you just really hated that door." She teased Kon. He felt his face heat up as Collins laughed at him again.

"It is an ugly door." Collins agreed enthusiastically smirking.

"Terribly ugly. Hideous even," Jasmine said with a smile.

"Possibly even traumatizing to behold," Collins continued to smirk.

"You've got me. I have a deep rooted traumatic fear of metal taupe doors." Kon deadpanned ears burning. Jasmine snickered as Kon got the door open for her and they went their separate ways.

~*~*~

"What have you found so far?" Tim asked. Kon did not have the words to express how much he didn't want to be at the Nest at 3am on his first day off from undercover work. If it was anyone other than Tim he wouldn't have even answered the phone.

"Literally nothing," Kon said dryly. "I am still the newest of newbies at Arkham. I practically spent the whole week being babysat by senior guardsmen." He sighed, reminding himself that it wasn't Tim's fault that he was a little insomniac goblin and that Kon really did love his friend and would be sad if he hurt Tim's feelings. Eventually. When he woke up again in the morning. "I did start befriending them both though. It's slow going since we're in different areas but nearly being the only non-gothamites there seems to be helping me make some headway at least." 

There was one other non-gothamite on staff, a medical nurse named Sharon Earley. She was in her mid-thirties and the most sour and unpleasant person Kon had had the displeasure of meeting so far on Arkham's staff. Not that Kon could blame her for that. Not when she had several large ragged scars spanning from her chin and down both of her arms from when Zsazz had gotten hold of her alone after dark her second year at Arkham. It was a damn miracle she'd survived him. Kon didn't know how she managed it but he wouldn't try to find out either. Ryans had taken him aside right before he first met Nurse Earley and warned him not to stare or ask about any of it and then explained the bare basics of what happened to her after they'd left. 

Tim probably had a file with every detail of that night as well as information about Sharon Earley's life both before and after that night somewhere on his computer. The thought made Kon nauseous. 

"Good, good," Tim said absently as he updated the mission file on his computer. The keys clicked so rapidly that Kon again reconsidered whether or not his best friend had super speed. "Better to keep them from suspecting than to rush in anyway." 

"Exactly." 

Tim continued asking questions about every little detail he could think of concerning Dr. Rylie, Jasmine Fenton, and the rogues currently in Arkham.

"They don't let me near those guys yet. I'm too new." Kon said when Tim asked if Scarecrow looked to be plotting more than usual.

"They don't?" Tim sounded surprised, going so far as to stop typing so he could turn and stare at Kon. The clone was amused to note something about his statement had managed to wake Tim up enough to be visibly shocked instead blank-faced with exhaustion.

"Of course not," Kon answered trying to keep the amusement from his voice as much as possible. "As many times as your rogues have broken out they're leary of letting new hires near them in case they're goons in disguise." 

Tim sank back into his chair looking like Kon had uprooted his whole world by proving the Earth really was flat via actual science.

"That's impossible." Tim said sounding faint. "Everytime there's a mass breakout, we always hear that some of the guards helped them escape. How?..." He trailed off, eyes darting rapidly like he was tracking lines of an invisible conspiracy board in the air in front of him. Kon shrugged, uncomfortable with this new information.

"Scuttlebutt is that the people helping them escape are visitors. The guards get blamed because the goons visit wearing clothes similar to the guard uniform from a distance. All blue polo shirts and black pants look similar at a distance." Kon explained. "It also doesn't help that the guards can't really do much to stop the escape attempts since they only have stun grenades, tranquilizer darts, batons, low voltage tazers, and rubber bullets to fight back with. So as long as enough people are involved in the escape attempt at least some of them will make it out even if the guards manage to to tranquilize several of them." 

Tim still looked like Kon was blowing his mind. It was such a rare experience that Kon had to continue.

"Plus the tranquilizer darts and the rubber bullets have to be fired from different hardware." Kon told him. "Which sucks because you have to carry twice the amount of weight while chasing after the escapees which slows you down and it takes longer to swap between them."

There was something similar to mystified horror spreading across his friend's face now.

"Speaking if swapping between them, they have different ranges too." Kon continued gleefully. Half because it was fun wrecking Tim's worldview and half to actually impart the information. "Batons are short-range. Tranquilializer darts and stun grenades are mid-range. Rubber bullet riffles are long-range."

"If that's all it is, WE can fund then better gear to control the inmates." Tim interrupted turning back to the computer and swiftly typing out a list of things to send Arkham. Kon shook his head.

"That won't work." He disagreed gently. "They aren't failing because of the gear itself."

Tim turned back around to face him, confused. This was not going to be a fun conversation, Kon swallowed hard and forced himself to continue.

"The problem is that if you fire the rubber bullet riffles from mid or short range you could seriously injury or even kill the patient. If they get past mid-range, you'll miss them completely using tranquilizer darts or stun grenades. If you try to use either of those at short-range it'll be bad for you whether it's because they'll get hold of you before the tranquilizer knocks them out or because you'll stun yourself too."

Comprehension and trepidation began to dawn on Tim's face. He deflated in his chair, sinking lower and lower as he stared off into nowhere.

"You also can't hit them with more than one tranquilizer dart in a four hour window because you could accidently kill them that way. That also means even though you have a baton, you typically can't do enough damage to them to keept them from escaping because that might potentially kill them." Kon said completely solemn now as he relayed the information. "Because regardless of the reputation Arkham has or what the patients have done, it is still a hospital and they are still patients." 

Tim was staring directly at Kon now. Mouth open, face slack, eyes wide with a kind of numbed shock. Kon held his gaze.

"Yeah," Kon said after a moment. "Yeah, that's how I reacted too." He looked down, picking at his nails for a moment before forcing himself to stop and meet Tim's gaze again. "Phizer, my new 'boss', made sure to drill that into my head during orientation. 'Arkham's guards exist first and foremost to protect the patients. Arkham isn't supposed to be a prison. It's a medical facility. The patients are confined to the premises because their affliction has made them dangerous and they have to stay so that we can keep them and others safe from further harm. We are here to keep the patients and staff from hurting each other, themselves, or being hurt by people outside of Arkham's walls.' Not gonna lie, man." Kon said quirking a bitter grin as his did. "Hearing that kind of fucked me up a bit."

Tim sucked in a huge heaving breath then slowly let it out before he responded.

"I can't say I ever thought about it like that." He admitted in a soft strained voice. "Can't say I ever wanted to either." There was a bitter tinge to his words.

"Yeah, neither did I." Kon answered, shoulders slumping a bit. "Was there anything else you wanted to ask me? I kind of want to head back and sleep a bit."

Tim shook his head slowly.

"No, I think we're good at the moment." He said looking twice as exhausted and drained now as he did when Kon first got there. Kon nodded.

"Good night then. I'll see you later, man." He said, pushing off the wall he'd been leaning against and heading for the door.

"Be safe, Kon." Tim answered softly turning back to his computer.

[causenessus]

new grounds

part 0.14. FLOWERS . . . 2.18.2024

PLAYING IN THE CAFE . . . was it something i said by mykey

kageyama can’t sleep. it’s the night of the volleyball quarterfinals. she hugged him and now he can’t stop thinking. 

things feel like they have finally clicked, and something inside him flutters everytime he thinks about her arms around his neck. but at the same time, a pit of worry is growing inside of him. does she know how he feels about her? how does he feel about her?

he’s never thoroughly thought about it before, she’s been a new experience for him in everyway. she was something that he moreso felt rather than knew. when he saw and thought of her, his feelings went wild and everything inside of him just wanted to offer itself to her. he had never been so emotional about something; volleyball was a passion that riled him up but she was even different from that. she was a person that he found himself constantly seeking out throughout the day.

he hadn’t even fully realized how much he stared at her, or how he sought her out in the crowds during games. she simply just always caught his eye whenever he turned towards the audience where she was sitting and he never looked away.

these were all things he felt. he had never logistically rationalized out how he felt or why he was feeling it, like he normally did with everything. and he found that he wasn’t sure he wanted to try and make sense of his feelings, he just wanted to let them continue guiding him towards her. they had brought him close to her multiple times; they walked home from work together now and he found it easier to talk to her now. he found himself even wanting to make conversation with her, despite how terrifying it always was.

but did she feel the same way?

that was the question that had been plaguing him all night. everything had started to connect after she had hugged him and tsukishima had "debriefed" everything like he always did. 

bokuto had known about her plan to hug him, did that mean she had talked about him to others? was that a good thing or a bad thing? why would she put so much effort into doing something for him anyway? what if she was interpreting everything he was doing as a friend? what was he doing to show his interest in her? did he even want to show that he had feelings for her anyway? what if she didn’t return them?

he had beeen staring blankly at his ceiling for what felt like hours, blinking ever so often and shifting on his bed to check the time, scroll around on his phone, and then return back to the ceiling because his thoughts demanded his full attention.

he had just shut off his phone when he heard a buzz and he immediately reached for his phone; this is how it had been ever since he had gotten her phone number, too. something in him was always hopeful that the notification was from her, texting him about something. but as he squinted at the contact name, his hopes dropped a little. it wasn't y/n, it was hinata.

the door chimes and her head perks up immediately, as it has for the past hour every time she hears the ding, hoping it’s him.

this time it's and she’s washed over with simultaneous feelings of relief and anxiety. he’s always had a calming effect on her but it's paired with the worry of rejection today, and she gets a little confused at how exactly she feels.

the anxiety only worsens when he passes by her and says nothing. he doesn’t even glance her way and her heart drops. a voice in her head wants to critique her for once again expecting anything different. perhaps she’s read everything wrong, mistook all his signs for something they’re not. the thought makes it feel as if everything within her wilts and she barely notices a customer in front of her until they clear their throat. she helps them with what they need as he walks out, tying an apron around his waist.

he stares at her, trying to calm his own nerves. talking with hinata helped him feel better but he’d been distracted all of saturday. he’d paid attention to whatever he was working on but he wasn’t always "all there." part of him was always thinking about her, and that part had only taken over more of his mind when he thought about seeing her today. now that he was here, he was worried about what the right thing to say would be. and when would be the best time to say it?

he didn’t want them to be interrupted by any orders, after work as they walked home would most likely be his best bet. but he didn’t trust himself to say anything to her before then. he'd keep to himself for now.

for the next few hours, they barely talked. they worked around each other in silence, passing each other things they might need for the order they were working on and talking to customers more than one another. she glanced at him more times than she was be willing to admit, and sometimes they made eye contact, but he would only give her a grim smile, where his lips pressed into a thin line. she’d always look away first, unsure of what to do. 

the night came quickly, and she wasn’t sure where to go from there. there hadn’t been a good opportunity to talk to him today, mainly due to customers and how terrified she felt that he was barely interacting with her. she settled for a slight risk; she’d humiliate herself and ask if he still wanted to walk home with her. if he said yes, she would stop him at some point and bring up the flowers. if he said no, she’d go home and cry. maybe stop in a park and sit on a bench to rethink her life choices first.

she’s cleaning a coffee machine while he’s putting up chairs and she takes a deep breath. he stacks the last chair and starts making his way towards the counter. her chest tightens, knowing this is the only tiny window of opportunity she’ll get to ask him. “hey,” her voice cracks out with the first word and she tries to ignore it, he looks up at her, face slightly more expressive than it’s been all night. he’s intent and focused on whatever she’s about to say next and she forces the next words out of her mouth, “...do you still want to walk home together tonight?” her face is warm and she’s sure she’s bright red by the end of the sentence, waiting for a response. 

he blinks first and then answers, “oh, yeah. i thought that was already the plan. i’m grabbing my bag now, do you want me to bring yours too?”

she turns back to the coffee machine, wiping down the steam wand with a rag and letting out a breath to herself, “yeah, sure. thank you.”

now she felt stupid. this whole thing had been the result of miscommunication and overthinking, all on her part again. just like how she’d first felt about him, thinking he hated her and hating him back. but she fell for him despite it all so perhaps this was just how they'd be.

at least he hadn’t been intentionally ignoring her, though, and she felt slightly more hopeful about tonight. 

they clocked out together, the silence more bearable this time around and she locked the door behind them.

then they were walking down the sidewalk together, down a path that she’d come to enjoy now that she had company. she tried not to focus on it instead of whatever worst case scenario her brain was trying to come up with.

there was an upcoming bench with a lamppost right next to it, casting a warm light onto the ground. that’d be a good place to talk to him. she tried to ease into the conversation, “i told you that you played well on friday, right?”

his hands were stuffed into his pockets, face slightly obscured by the collar of his jacket as always. he turned his head to look at her, looking slightly surprised. “oh, yeah. you did,” he answered, then immediately averted his eyes.

“well i really meant it, i think you know i’ve been friends with bokuto for years now. yachi, keiji, him and me have been close friends since high school. and us three would always go see his games so i’ve seen a few matches before. but i don’t think i’ve ever seen a setter like you. it’s amazing how you can adapt yourself so well to every spiker. hinata and bo are both such energetic, wild people yet you can always match their pace and read their minds when even they don’t know what they’re doing. it's like you give them the exact set they want and none of you guys ever even say anything to each other,” she smiled up at him, and he sank farther behind the shield of his collar, trying to hide his burning cheeks. 

this is what he had been telling hinata. that she just put so much thought into anything she did. anything she was passionate about, anything she paid attention to. his stomach was once again fluttering at her words. he hadn’t even ever told her that much about his volleyball career yet she managed to compliment him on the one thing he felt insecure about. “you really think that? that i match their paces?” he asked, feeling a lump in his throat.

“of course! god, you’re last set to bokuto, first you tricked everyone into thinking you were going to set to hinata and then you perfectly changed your posture to set to bokuto and the ball just went straight into his hands. i don’t think i could have cheered louder.”

even his nose had turned red from how flushed her words made him feel. “i’m honored you think that–” he stopped when he felt a tug on his sleeve turning his entire body to face her. she was still holding onto his jacket, but her face was red and she was looking away. “something wrong?” he asked, looking down at her.

“no. i mean– no. nothing’s wrong. i just wanted to ask you something, if that’s okay,” she stuttered, letting go of his jacket to play with her hands.

he’d been so caught up in their conversation about volleyball he’d nearly stopped thinking about what he wanted to tell her today. his heart was racing and the feeling in his throat only grew stronger as he waited for her to continue.

“did you happen to buy flowers for me at some point? on valentine’s day…or the night you came to my show?” she tucked a stray hair behind her ear as she looked up at him. 

he felt so stiff that he nearly couldn’t breathe, nor respond. he almost wanted to deny it before he talked himself out of it. this was his opportunity to bring up what he wanted to say as well. “...i did. those were both from me. i’m really sorry if you found that creepy or anything–”

she cut him off with a hug, arms wrapped around his neck, and his body seemed to relax at the same time as she let out a shaky breath, her face buried into his jacket. “oh my god, no. it wasn’t creepy at all. it meant so much to me,” this time he was fast enough to return the hug, her arms around her torso to keep her in his arms and express to her all the things he couldn’t verbally say. one of her arms moved to hold him close by the back of his head, and he rested his chin on her shoulder. “i’ve never gotten flowers from anyone other than my friends–just bokuto, yachi and keiji. i never even got any from my family when they were around. when bokuto told me those flowers on closing night were from someone else, i was so surprised. and then my favorite flowers were on my door again on valentine’s day…i was so happy.”

she removed her arm from around her shoulder, pulling her face back from his jacket. he was almost going to let go when he realized she was keeping him close, a hand still in his hair, their faces inches away from each other.

he let her take her time to do what she wanted. she seemed to be searching his eyes for something, and when she found it, she smiled. “the flowers meant a lot to me, kageyama. you’ve done a lot for me since we’ve met and i couldn’t be more happy than to have met you. this is all new to me, i don’t know what i’m doing and i didn’t know what i could give back to you after i found out you were the one who gave me flowers. i really went to friday’s game to see you and support you above everything else. i wanted to hug you, just to thank you for everything you’ve done. i’m sorry if it doesn’t equate to all of your effort, but i just wanted to tell you how much you mean to me, if i could give nothing else.”

“can i kiss you?” he mumbled, still lost in her eyes. the hair at the back of his head tightened slightly.

her breath hitched and he waited for her answer. "yes," she said after a beat.

as soon as he answered he closed the gap, softly pressing his lips against her own, all the while her hand remained entangled in his hair, holding him close. 

every anxious thought left him with the kiss. he knew this was where he was supposed to be, by her side. he’d never felt more at home, being so close to her. he broke the kiss, trying to catch his breath, but they were still close enough that their noses bumped.

“there,” he said with a playful smile, resting his forehead on hers. “now we’re even for the flowers.” 

her nose scrunched up slightly as she laughed, slinging her other arm around his neck again. “does the mean if i buy you flowers you’ll kiss me again?” 

“i’ll kiss you whenver you want,” the words spilled out of his mouth before he could even process what he said, and his blush only worsened. “sorry. i kind of really like you. you have no idea how much my friends helped me talk to you.”

she laughed again, and he smiled at the noise, pulling her closer to him. “i couldn't tell at all. i really like you too, kageyama, you have no idea,” she gave him a peck on the lips.

“will you call me tobio?” he rested his head on her shoulder again, suddenly feeling the aftereffects of all his pent up anxiety wear off. 

she started to play with his hair, running her hand through it which only made him feel sleepier, “i think i can manage that, tobio.”

prev. | m.list | next

extras <3

bokuto thought the families in romeo and juliet liked each other

yachi was severely confused by bo’s tweets and thought she was having a stroke but keiji knew exactly what bo was thinking and had to explain the real story to bo

me trying to secretly use "new" during the written parts as references to the smau title 🧠🤓

I FEEL SO BAD LMAO

KAGEYAMA DID NOT READ HINATA'S CONTACT NAME AND GO "oh great it's hinata 🙄" he was just really hoping it was y/n and so literally reading anyone else's contact name would make his hopes go down

today i'll reveal how hinata found out what y/n's favorite flowers are...

bro found it on sheer luck but he start mass searching through her instagram story archives and found when she had done a random "ask me questions" thing mainly regarding theatre but someone had asked her for her favorite flowers

i bsed that explanation big time but i've also been thinking about it for weeks and it's the best i got lmao 😭

kags kissed y/n one more time before she opened her door and went inside and wasn't really thinking about how noiseproof her dorm was and immediately closed the door, slid against it and screamed

kageyama was slightly worried but also he was going to do the same as soon as he got outside so he kept walking (he could hear bo and keiji scrambling to open their door after hearing the scream and he was terrified of coming face to face with the both of them after everything that had just happened)

yachi also came running and there was an immediate debriefing

same thing for kageyama as soon as he got home except tsukki, hinata, and yams were all sitting in chairs facing him waiting for him to come home like when you come home in the dead of night and your parents are just there waiting for you to explain yourself ykwim

(yams was working on math homework until he came in)

then twitter blew up with all of them talking about what just happened and anyone following them was like "??? tsukki?? hospital bills?? romeo and juliet??? bleach??? kageyama has a gf??"

it was a good night for twitter

I HAVE A SMALL IDEA FOR AN EPILOGUE SO DW ACTUALLY ONE MORE CHAPTER LEFT

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THOUGH

I'VE LEARNED TO NEVER TRUST SLEEP DEPRIVED ME TO WRITE I THINK I MADE LIKE TWO TYPOS IN THE TEXTS but i cannot be bothered rn to go back and fix them i'm so sorry </3

taglist: @ncitygreen @lvrlamp @cherrypieyourface @mimi3lover @lees-chaotic-brain @frootloopscos @0moonii @cr4yolaas @eggyrocks @pinkiscool @httpakkeiji @localgaytrainwreck @lunaviee @kitty-m30w @lixie-phoria @aliruuiz @corvid007 @iluv-ace @yvjitadori @k8nicole @ryeyeyer @thechaosoflonging @kettlepop @r0seandth0rns @rinheartshyunlix @lucky-chars @par4disee @vixx-11 @luvkvni @does-directions @whykirbo @reminiscentyearn (form to be added to taglist! <3)

[krazyyyyyy]

A True Friend Hyugo x Reader

While skipping class, a certain someone joins you

Words: 819

You rested your back against the trunk of an oak tree, your eyes tiredly reading the text of a novel your English professor had recently assigned to you, given your continuous procrastination throughout the week and your avoidance of reading the book. The paper you were supposed to write about the book was due tomorrow morning, and you hadn’t even started it or finished the book itself. That’s how you ended up out here, skipping class in the open fields behind your school, attempting to finish the book before the school day ended. You’d probably have to pull an all-nighter to write the paper, but that was a problem for later on.

You felt at ease where you sat, the soft bark of the oak tree against your back, the cool shade providing a respite from the sun's heat. While a subtle breeze, carrying the scent of grass and earth flowed freely around you. The chirping of birds and the gentle rustling of leaves in the wind were the only sounds you heard as you continued reading.

As you focused on the book, a faint sound caught your attention. It was the sound of soft, barely audible footsteps as they drew closer to you.

Suddenly, a cheerful voice rang out from right next to you.

“Whatcha reading?”

A smile appears on your face at the familiar voice of your friend, Hyugo. “Jane Eyre. I guess it’s about an orphan girl struggling in life. It’s actually not that bad.” You reply without looking away from your book.

He smiled as he curiously looked over your shoulder to examine the book's contents. 

He then laughed “Since when do you skip class to read?”

You let out a sigh. “Since today… I have to finish this book and then write a paper about it, all by tomorrow morning, or else I can kiss my A in English goodbye.” You glance at the boy curiously, “What are you doing out here anyway, Hyugo?”

Hyugo kept his usual smile as he sat on the grass next to you, leaning back onto the tree with his hands resting behind his head. “I didn’t feel like going to my history class. It’s so boring (Y/N)!” He pouts.

You laugh, shaking your head in amusement, “You never feel like going to class. How in the world are you still in the student council?”

He shrugs, smiling, “I guess I'm just that amazing.” You suppose he wasn't totally wrong, but you wouldn’t tell him that; Hyugo always managed to be at the top of the class, regardless of whether he showed up to class or not. Knowing his secretive nature, you’d probably never figure out how he does it.

 You roll your eyes, turning your attention back to your book. The two of you sit in comfortable silence—that is, until Hyugo decides to speak again a couple of moments later.

“(Y/N)?”

“Hm?”

“You think you’ll ever make it to the Higher Class?”

Instantly, the book before you didn’t seem as interesting anymore. Everyone at your school dreamed of being a part of the Higher Class, but only very few actually succeeded in making it in. Even if you’re born rich, it's not always guaranteed you’ll make it, especially when everyone makes mistakes…

You close the book, setting it down beside you. “I hope so. It would take a huge burden off my family’s shoulders…I don’t think I can afford to fail.” You let your head fall against the tree in exasperation, looking to the sky in an attempt to ignore the aching in your chest. Knowing you were your family's last hope broke you in ways you never thought possible.

A sudden weight and softness on your shoulder snap you out of your daze. You look over to see Hyugo resting his head on your shoulder with his eyes closed. “(Y/N), If you ever need anything…and I mean anything, let me know. I’ll be there…Always.” He mumbles into your shoulder.

“Thank you, Hyugo,” You whisper, keeping your emotions in check. “But I have to do this myself.” You had to endure this burden alone, regardless of the support you were offered. You made a promise to your father, and you intended to keep it.

Hyugo sighs. “I know, but it’s good to remember that there are people who…” He pauses, choosing his next words carefully. “... really care about you.”

You smile, resting your head on his. “You worry too much.”. 

He chuckles. “If I don’t, who will?” He then yawns, nestling his head comfortably on your shoulder. It doesn’t take long before he’s fast asleep and quietly snoring.

Although tempted to finish your book, you can’t help but give in to the temptation of sleep as your eyes grow weary. Nuzzling into the softness of Hyugo’s hair, you fall asleep without a single worry on your mind for the first time in a long time.

[dailycass-cain]

As promised many months ago to end this day, here's a 🧵of the insanity Cassandra Cain's "human" body can do due to what David Cain put her through (besides the two obvious ones of body language and various forms of killing he trained her in).

The best issue that showcases that is of course Batgirl Vol. 1 #14 where various government agencies look at the footage Cass got caught filmed in.

The first few pages are literally showcasing how inhuman, but still bordering on human she is due to what David Cain put her through.

This is always fully covered throughout Batgirl Volume 1 and is usually forgotten when writers and editors tend to have their job. Not saying any names or storylines of any RECENT kind where a WAR broke out in GOTHAM.

is still salty YES

We've seen Cass's speed all the time throughout the Puckett run. To just showcase the prior issue's bullet dodging or her issue of Tim (#18) be child's play (along with her taking several shots up close and dodging each one from a certain corrupt government bastard).

Nah the best example of Cass's true "speed" is in #34 facing the mob boss Ving and his gang.

Yeah, you're seeing that right she is faster than a freaking bullet. Surprising how SOME seem to forget that in other comics. 🙄

Something even Batgirls remembered (#15) when Cass was playing shogun dodge with Cluemaster who was trying to shoot her with a shotgun.

But what of Cassandra's strength? Just how strong is she really?

#19 where Cass is faced with the obstacle of three-inch quartz preventing her from escaping a gas chamber. So let's examine just how thick three-inch quartz is.

Well, let's google just that.

A SEVEN on the hardness scale. Further research says that it can only crack due to "extreme impacts" which wouldn't ya know:

As for her body itself, Batgirl/Ghost: The Ressurection Machine #3 suggests this about Cass being immune to A LOT of poisons:

Something Batgirl Vol. 1 "sort of" delves in #50 when both she and Bruce are doused with a new batch of super drug but it turns out they were both immune to it due to them being built differently than normal humans.

This is all the more surprising because a few issues prior to (#46) Cass is doused with a version of it, but you could say given what she "sees" Cass is under A LOT of stress (the building tension with Bruce, Babs breaking up with Dick, Superboy/Black Wind stuff). Plus she does "sort of" snap out of it to beat the bad guys in that issue.

Just like in #51 she avoids the pheromones to Poison Ivy even though she is showing signs of falling under the hormones but snaps out of it due to willpower (something Bruce was almost succumbing to before he fully snapped out of it too).

It really feels like "this anti-poison" ability Cass had was all but forgotten once the series ended. Of course, naturally with a certain "infamous" story ONE YEAR LATER, but also Batman & Robin Eternal as she is affected by Fear Toxin (among other stuff too).

#9 & #59 showcase that David Cain shot Cass regularly so much that she can not even feel it. This could explain also HOW she was eventually able to dodge bullets and become so fast.

#22 also showcases this as well so this is not something simply just randomly put in. This was something the writers wanted to show the sickening lengths David Cain put Cass through.

Again, #14 brought up Cass's metabolism and how off the charts it was. I think something we just overlooked is that in #26 Cass slept for 20 hours a day for four days (or perhaps longer) straight until she fully recovered from fighting Lady Shiva.

That's not even going under the amount of food she consumes. This little detail was first showcased in #39 when Cass ate like she was freaking Goku.

This little bit of detail was brought back in #66 when she ordered THREE burgers (I'm assuming with everything on it) with three sides of fries and a BIG milk.

Amusingly, this detail was recently brought back in Nightwing #106 & #108 where she FEASTED on who knows how many pancakes.

Lastly, I feel this bit is worth mentioning as well from #47 with Doctor Lewis Friedman who started the theory on body language that David Cain made a frightening reality with Cass (shame he was never brought up again after this issue).

All this isn't even counting on the extremely LONG hours of shower time Cass picked up in the Gabrych run that even Willingham's Robin (which went on during this) teased (something again Batgirls kept up on).

So there you have it. The utter anomaly that is the body of one Cassandra Cain.

[ronwestbreeze]

Hi! I noticed you’re request are now open. I was wondering if you can write more for shallow waters? Maybe how things have been since tua has been born? If not I’d totally understand! And if so thank you in advance! :)

family of thieves

pairing: jake sully x fem!na'vi!reader

warnings: family stuff! cuteness hehe

summary: in which the older sully kids like stealing tua from right under your nose

word count: 1.4k

author's note: this is a short and sweet little one shot and yes it is set in the shallow universe lol. i just thought i'd give y'all something sweet after that last one hehe...takes place after shallow waters

Okay, you will admit it. You made a pretty adorable baby. The cutest little thing in the world and you loved her with all of your heart.

And so did the rest of the Sullys.

The first few months Tua was always at your side or with Jake. Oftentimes you felt Jake was always hogging the girl but he teased you and said he was just her favorite. He was totally wrong but that was beside the point.

Once Tua became a toddler, that’s when a lot of odd occurrences began to happen.

The first time it happened you were in absolute panic. You had come back to the family tent to find it empty. You guessed that everyone was out in the waters as usual. But it wasn’t supposed to be empty.

“Tua?” You called, heart dropping in your chest when you saw that the toddler you had left for only a few seconds wasn’t there anymore. “Tua!”

Dropping everything, you rushed around the village, heart practically ready to tear itself out of your chest. When you got to the beach, you spotted Jake and Neytiri riding on his ilu further out in the waters.

“Jake! Neytiri!” You called from the beach, eyes still searching your surroundings in a panic. The two hadn’t heard you, irritatingly you shouted louder, this time in Na’vi. “AAAH! I AM CALLING TO YOU, JAKE AND NEYTIRI!”

Neytiri turned her head first, brows furrowing together when she saw your anxious state, “Y/N? What is wrong?” She called back. That was when Jake looked over as well, frowning when he saw your worried face.

“Do you know where Tua is?” You called.

Before either of them could reply, Tsireya, who had been floating in the water nearby, suddenly perked up, “Oh! I just saw Neteyam with her! They should be that way.”

You gave her a quick thanks before rushing off in that direction with Jake and Neytiri still calling after you.

Further down the beach and near a bunch of rocks, you spotted Neteyam first. He was sitting on one of the taller rocks, talking to himself it seemed and pointing out toward the ocean. But when you got closer, Tua, your unbothered daughter, was sitting between his legs and giggling as if she were having the time of her life.

Neteyam spotted you as you got closer, He grinned and waved, “Sa’nok! I was just showing Tua the little fishies! Plus, I think she really wants to meet a Tulkun now after I told her a mighty stories about them.”

You placed your hand on your heart, feeling uttered relief and slight exasperation. “Neteyam, boy, you almost gave me—what is it your father says?—a heart attack! I thought I lost Tua!”

The boy looked confused for a few seconds before he realized what you had meant and started grinning sheepishly, “Oh right, sorry.  It was Tua’s fault anyway! She was looking at me with those big eyes! I couldn’t say no to that!”

Despite your previous freak out, you couldn’t find yourself staying mad at Neteyam. After all, he was practically your first baby too, even though you didn’t give birth to him yourself. Plus, Tua looked to be having a grand time with her older brother. The sight itself calms you down and allows you to smile gently.

Carefully you climbed up onto the rock with them. Tua reached for you and you took her in your arms, “Next time tell me you’re taking her for the day.” You poked his head, “I might as well have raged throughout the village to find her.”

Neteyam chuckled sheepishly, “Sorry, Sa’nok. I won’t scare you like that again. Promise.”

You smiled as Tua tugged gently at your hair before giving him a quick kiss on his forehead. Just as you slid off the rock, both Jake and Neytiri arrived on the ilu, both looking confused and worried.

“What happened? Why were you freaking out?” Jake was the first to ask, his eyes scanning you and Tua for any harm.

“Your son stole Tua while I wasn’t looking.” You sighed. “All is fine, crisis averted.”

Jake visibly calmed down while Neytiri tsked at her son, “Neteyam.”

“Sorry, mother.” The boy raised his hands.

You thought that that would be the one and only time that would happen. But for some odd reason, it kept happening.

The second time, you had turned away for a few seconds to fix her food. Before then she had been sitting and playing with her tail. But when you turned back to feed her, she was gone. This time you didn’t freak out, you were just confused. She had been right there, how could she have crawled away that fast?

Neytiri was in the tent with you, cooking some of the fish they got for their meal for the night.

“Tiri’.”

“Mmm?”

“Where’s Tua?”

Neytiri looked up from what she was doing, looking around as well. “Was she not just here?”

“Yes, she was!” You got up and left the tent, Neytiri not too far behind you. “Tua! Tua!” You tried not to be too loud as the night was settling in and you knew most of the villagers were going to bed soon. “Tua! Tua! Tua—Kiri?”

You had stumbled upon the teenage girl, not too far away from your tent, to find her in the water, holding Tua with her, surrounded by glowing fish.

Tua’s big eyes were fixated on the fishes as she tried reaching for them in Kiri’s grasp. Your shoulders sagged and relief flooded your chest.

Kiri looked up and smiled, “Hi, Y/N!”

Neytiri appeared next to you and chuckled when she saw Tua, “Kiri, dinner is almost ready. It’s time to get out of the water.”

“Aw, Mom, we were just about to have a little fun.” The girl grinned.

“Yes, and Tua was about to eat her own dinner just now.” You pointed out before grabbing Tua from Kiri as the latter hoisted herself out of the water. “I swear you children just want me to have a heart attack.”

“I was going to bring her back.” Kiri pouted as they began walking back to their shared tent. “But she really liked the fish.”

Tua giggled when Neytiri tickled her cheek. You smile gently at Kiri, “I understand you want to spend time with your new sister, but at least let her fill up her stomach first before you go taking her on your little adventures, please.”

Kiri nodded, resting her head on your shoulder, “Yes, Mom, I will. Promise.”

Apparently, you had to tell all of the children this.

It happened again a few days later. This time you had tried to put Tua down for a nap. Only as soon as you took your eyes off of her—really you should’ve learned by this point—Tua was gone.

You didn’t freak out this time, you only sighed. Jake entered and saw your face. He placed down his equipment and cupped your face to give you a kiss.

“What’s wrong, princess?”

“One of our kids took Tua again.”

The amusement was not missed on his face as he gave you another kiss, “Well, I did just see her with Lo’ak and Tsireya. Might wanna start there.”

You hug him close, burying your face into his neck. “Why do they keep doing this?”

Jake chuckled, gently squeezing the back of your neck, “You made her too adorable, baby. She takes after you.”

Just as you were about to pull away from the comfort of your husband’s arms, Lo’ak came into the tent with Tua sitting on his shoulders.

“She wanted you so I brought her back.” Lo’ak said, taking her off his shoulders.

“Where did you take her?” You asked when Tua reached for you.

Lo’ak glanced toward Jake and shrugged, “We were with Payakan—but we were careful, I promise!”

Jake sighed and you chuckled, “Don’t worry, I believe you. Just tell me before…” At this point, was it even worth telling him to remind you? Really, none of the children were doing any harm. Just spending time with their newest sister, which was really sweet when you got over the initial panic.

You pulled him into your side, “Just be sure not to take her with you on any of your shenanigans, like you do with Tuk.”

“As long as she doesn’t try to tattle on me.” Lo’ak muttered. Jake gave him a look.

“Penis face!”

The three of you froze and all turned to look at Tua in your arms. At first you thought you were hearing things, perhaps you had gone insane in the current heat. Perhaps you imagined the whole thing—

“Penis face!!” Tua giggled, clapping her hands together.

Your eyes widened as you stared at your daughter. There was a snort from your son.

You glared at your husband, “Jake!”

“Lo’ak!”

“What—Dad literally said it earlier!”

“Out! Both of you!”

[moonstrider9904]

It's taken me a while to process the fact that Crosshair lost his hand, and I've seen many different takes on the subject. All takes and sentiments are valid and I understand they all come from somewhere, and I'm grateful to have seen such a diversity of opinions before forming my own. Cards on the table, I disagree with the sentiment that Crosshair losing his hand was a bad writing choice on the basis of it meaning that he's now healed.

Let me elaborate (and I will elaborate a lot on this):

I feel like the relation between the hand coming off and the tremor/PTSD stopping is more a symbolic connection that the fandom perceived rather than something explicitly established by canon. It was never said after Crosshair lost his hand "he is now healed because of this." If anything, the way Crosshair was written through season 3 shows us he is putting in effort to healing way before losing his hand. Meditating, slowly opening up, moving past the horrors of Tantiss, etc. These are all things Crosshair does throughout the season that help him move forward. When the subject of Tantiss is brought up again, the tremor returns, and this is a very normal response.

But if I'm honest, I doubt how much PTSD and the concept of healing is truly understood by those so openly criticizing this writing choice, because that would also mean understanding that healing is not linear and it does not come magically through one sole act, deed, or loss. If the aforementioned was understood, so many people wouldn't have an issue with this connection in the first place because, symbolic as it may be, it is not fact. It is a symbol. What we did see was healing being depicted throughout the season: you work through your issues and you do better but then you can be back at square one the next day. Even if you're doing well for a period of time, the source of your PTSD can return, and your physical symptoms along with it, and of course this is normal and valid and it is wonderful to me that this was put on screen with Crosshair.

If it had been explicitly established on screen that Crosshair was magically healed because his hand's no longer there, I would have some other things to say about the matter, but again, it was not. This is something that fandom is coming up with and people are now deciding they have an issue with, because canon did not turn out to accommodate their theories and beliefs. And, even if it had been established that Crosshair fully healed from his past demons because he lost the hand that had the tremor, that wouldn't erase all the healing he had beforehand. I think it's invalidating - to the writers, to anyone with PTSD who relates to Crosshair, and to the character's phenomenal character arc - to assume that Crosshair's hand loss is the most significant part of his healing when he did so much work on himself before it.

And I would also argue that the loss of a limb is a traumatic event in itself, and I question how exactly it would be possible for one trauma piled on top of past traumatic events is supposed to heal someone.

I hate the fact that Crosshair lost his hand as something that happened to him, I hate it because it's Crosshair. Because I saw him getting hurt on screen, more than he already was. Because his whole body was trembling when it happened. Because I witnessed a man I've loved since day one, who's so kind and caring and has grown so much have to go through something so terrible. Because he had to endure pain and suffering yet again. Because I love him. Because my heart breaks for him.

As a writing choice, however, it was shocking, but it led up to a key moment between Crosshair and Hunter, and by extension, the climax of the finale. Yes, it would be significant for Crosshair's hand to have stopped shaking for him to take the clean shot, I wouldn't have objections if that had happened in canon either. But I think the power of Crosshair landing that final shot wasn't in the hand tremor. It was in losing his shooting hand, after a lifetime of equating his own worth to being a sniper, then hearing his brother Hunter, who he went through so much trouble and resentment and forgiveness with, encouraging him. Hunter really said "you can do it" and that was when Crosshair stopped thinking of himself as a sniper, and more as a brother. And he helped saved his sister. And with that, he saved all his other brothers on Tantiss. As a writing choice, Crosshair losing his hand is something that I accept and acknowledge as canon and I have processed the initial shock to the point where now I can talk about it more, and analyzing the scenes further makes it not just sensate writing, but poetic.

Back to the subject of the PTSD, Crosshair was able to rise above losing his hand in the moment on the bridge to team up with Hunter and save Omega, and that is admirable. And even if he was peaceful in the finale, one thing we can say for sure because it actually works that way in reality is that Crosshair will have to do a lot of healing and a lot of coping post losing his hand. I arrive at that conclusion quicker than I would conclude that "he's fine now" because the latter is not humanly possible. Even when people are capable of summoning the strength in the moment, there is a lot of healing and coping needed afterwards.

Being strong in the moment and mustering a smile when things turn out alright does not invalidate the struggle and effort put into getting better both before or after that moment of strength. Crosshair was so brave on Tantiss, but he's not fully healed upon returning to Pabu because no, PTSD is not stored in the hand, and I sincerely don't think that was the writers' intention on what to convey. If anything happens afterwards that we don't see on screen, I would anticipate it's the continuation of his healing process, which is not linear or constant.

And before anyone gets angry and wants to come at me with a pitchfork, let's remember Tech's wise words: Understanding you does not mean that I agree with you. While I see and understand the reasons why many people perceived this writing choice as a lazy one, I only wish to shine light on reasons that to me make this choice make sense. I've suffered PTSD from more than one traumatic event in my life, and for a total of twelve years (and counting) I have put in the work. I have had my share of non-linear healing. I have seen first hand and know this process all too well and it is yet another reason why I think Crosshair's character arc was masterfully done.

Lastly, I want to make one final call to be respectful towards the writers of The Bad Batch for how they chose to write their story. Here on tumblr, many fanfiction writers would be appalled if a reader came up to us spewing the things they hated about our story and how we should change it. I would be appalled too. That is not a cool thing to do to a writer. So let us treat other writers with the respect we want for ourselves.

May the Force be with you all ❤️ Now that the finale's done, us writers have the whole world of TBB to explore, adapt, and make into our own, and all of it will be valid and beautiful. Just be sure to always embrace others for their differences, for that makes you whole.