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httpiastri · 4 months

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PERFECTLY FINE – CHAPTER TWO (JEDDAH)

genre: angst, fluff, comfort, etc.

word count: 6k

warnings: hmmm nothing except heartbreak in several scenes lol

author's note: guys im really sorry but im pretty mean to paul here..... like it got to the point where i rewatched jeddah videos of him and physically felt ill because i was mad at him LMAO 😭 but we'll get through this together!! this was supposed to include some other scenes but it was long enough as it was sooo 😶 summary for this chapter ig is yn feels very torn between her boys, and so do i. hope everyone has a good week (it's finally race week again aaaaa) !! 💗

also i think the next chapter might be shorter because i just wanna get it out already and i don't have a lot to write about in it hehe, fingers crossed that i can finish it soon<3

(alsoooo i proofread this a few days ago but i just cant find the energy or time to do it rn, praying that there are no big issues…. if there are, i would be so thankful if you could send me an ask or message etc 🙏)

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"i still can't believe i missed out on the top ten again. and by just three hundredths, even..."

pepe shakes his head as you both make your way out of the campos truck, dragging a frustrated hand through his hair before pulling on his red bull cap. you can't help but chuckle – he's been like this all day, and all evening yesterday. you understand it, though; finishing just outside the reverse grid pole once again must feel frustrating.

not that you can relate. with a much better qualifying session yesterday in your second-ever qualifying in formula 2, you managed to snatch an eight-place finish. in other words, you will be starting third in today's sprint race, and just the thought of the probability of getting some big points sends tingles through your entire body.

"you'll get it next time," you say with a pat on your friend's back. "i mean, look at ollie. from p-nowhere last week to pole yesterday. that can be you next time around."

you've just come out of your morning meeting – morning meaning starting at ten and ending around noon – and now you're finally getting some lunch in the red bull hospitality. even during a race weekend like this, with mostly evening and night sessions, you still managed to oversleep and almost didn't make it in time for your meeting. you didn't get to have any breakfast, you had to run all the way from the shuttle to the truck, and you even forgot one of your racing boots as well as your phone in your hotel room. thankfully, you'll still have time to go back to the hotel before the sprint race, but walking around without your phone feels like being naked.

"speaking of ollie," pepe starts as you turn left and head into the formula one paddock. "are things between you two... alright?"

your eyebrows furrow together at the pause in the middle of his sentence. "why wouldn't they be?"

"well, i..." he stops again, and it makes you want to shake him. "i heard something. but it doesn't matter."

"who are you to decide that it doesn't matter?" you scoff. "tell me."

pepe sighs – he knows fighting you over this is a losing battle. you're way too stubborn to let go of this. "i heard that you were having issues. that you aren't happy, or something along those lines..."

you stop in your tracks, brain working in overdrive to comprehend what your friend is telling you. not happy with ollie? why would you not be happy with him? "who told you this?"

pepe stops in front of you. "i heard it from kimi, who heard it from... paul."

"what?" your eyes squeeze shut as your hands interlace on top of your head. "why would kimi come to you? instead of asking ollie himself?"

"you know kimi," pepe starts instantly. "he's young and gullible. i think he wanted to go for the see-if-the-best-friend-knows-anything strategy instead of asking ollie straight out." his hands squeeze your shoulders softly and you look up at him, a hint of a pout on your lips. "i guess he was scared that ollie would get mad at him or something."

"it's just-" you sigh. "it doesn't make any sense, does it?" pepe is just about to say something more when you cut him off with a dismissive swat of your hand in the air, stepping away from him and continuing your walk down the paddock. "let's just forget about it. i need lunch."

pepe stands frozen for a few moments before hurrying up to you again. he can't quite read your mood – you look unbothered, but he can't help but notice the slight touch of redness of your ears and the way your eyes seemingly can't focus on one thing for long enough. there's no way you can be over it already.

with pepe shutting up for a little while for the first time ever, you're left all alone with your thoughts as you continue your stroll. you know you should've asked for more information; you should've asked for details, for exactly what kimi said and how he worded it. you probably should also ask kimi himself for what paul told him. but right now, it's like a shadow is clouding your vision.

how dare paul say something like that? he must've known that the rumors he made up would spread like wildfire, as they always do in the formula paddocks. the snowball effect can make something tiny become huge, which is why you're always cautious about rumors. but apparently, paul doesn't care about that.

you're far too enraged to think even straight, and that's why it takes pepe pulling your arm to make you stop walking. you frown – to be fair, your frown hasn't left since it appeared a few minutes ago – but when you realize what it is that he's pointing at, both your frown and your jaw drop.

there's a swarm of journalists and fans following a ferrari driver down the road in front of you, which isn't all that uncommon. both charles and carlos are always incredibly popular. but what blows your mind is the fact that when you finally catch a glimpse of the driver's face, it's neither of the team's main drivers.

it's ollie.

"ollie! mate!" pepe yells, his arm waving erratically over his head. it takes a moment for the brit to find the owner of the voice, but he's tall enough to look over everyone else, and he's soon making his way over to you both. "i know you're popular, but this all seems a little excessive, don't you think?"

"i don't know what happened, as soon as the news came out..." ollie lets out a chuckle before turning to you, eyebrows raised at your expression. "i've called you like a hundred times, what have you been up to?"

"i left my phone at the hotel-" you begin but cut yourself off and shake your head. "wait, what news?"

when ollie starts speaking, time slows down. the entire world around you goes dark, the only thing you can hear being ollie's explanation of how carlos needs surgery and the call he got as he was having lunch. you feel lightheaded, almost like you could faint, when he speaks his final words. "...and they said i will be the one to replace him. i'm driving the formula one grand prix tomorrow."

you don't waste any time before throwing yourself into his arms, a loud squeal passing through your lips. "are you kidding me?" you exclaim, hugging him even tighter. "this is incredible, ollie! oh my god, i..."

"i can't really believe it myself, to be honest," ollie says, shaking his head as you part from the hug. pepe slaps his shoulder, congratulating his friend. "i would love to stay and chat, but i need to be in the car for the last practice, and i have a lot to get done-"

"go! go!" you usher, softly shoving him away back towards the journalists and fans who are still waiting just a few meters away. "we will talk later, okay?"

"of course."

and then you watch him leave – your boyfriend, the soon-to-be formula one driver – with a much lighter heart. this definitely helps you forget about all of the things regarding paul.

at least for a little while.

but of course, pepe stops your train of thought. "does that mean i get the reverse grid pole?"

you've never ever been to the ferrari garage before, so as you stand in the middle of it, you have no idea where to go or what to do; this is completely new territory. thankfully, you got a vip-pass from ollie before he ran off for his pre-practice duties, so at least you have the privilege of looking like a fool inside of the garage instead of right outside the doors.

a fool dressed in a red bull race suit, even. great.

you were in the middle of preparations for your sprint race when ollie texted you, and since you still had some time before the race started, you made it over to the other side of the paddock as quickly as you could. but unfortunately, that meant that you didn't have time to change your outfit into something more discreet.

"you don't look like you belong here, miss," a voice rumbles from behind you. your heart stops in your chest, and you're ready to improvise an excuse or find an escape route when you turn around – but luckily, you're met with chris, ollie's manager, standing there.

"thank god you're here," you say, letting out a sigh of relief. "do you happen to know where ollie is?"

"he's borrowing carlos's room. it's right down the hall and to the left."

you quickly thank him, turning again and making your way down said hallway. the room is easy to find, the two big, red fives on the door sticking out among the white walls. you're glad to find it unlocked, but you still knock a few times before sticking your head inside.

"sweetheart? can i come in?"

ollie is sitting on a massaging table, elbows on top of his legs and head resting in his hands. his eyes are stuck on the floor, but you take his silence as a yes.

"i got your text," you say, tiptoeing inside and shutting the door behind you, careful to not make any loud sounds to scare him. "how are you doing?"

when he still doesn't answer, your heat rate picks up. is something really wrong?

you make your way over to him, hands finding his cheeks and softly tilting him up to look at you – and you swear you've never seen him look this wrecked before.

not after his worst crashes, not when he lost the rookie championship last year. once again, you've entered completely new territory, and your heart breaks at the sight of him.

"ollie, talk to me," you plead, biting back the pout that starts to form on your lips. it's so painful to look into his eyes, but you can't back down. not now, not when he needs you this much.

"i'm-" his voice cracks but he shakes his head, clearing his throat. "i'm so nervous, i don't know what to do."

it's like he's oozing anxiety, and his heavy sigh is like a stab in your chest. ollie, your usually so calm and collected boyfriend, is probably going crazy over this – you know him well enough by now to understand that he's definitely freaking out even more on the inside than what he shows or tells. "i get that. one hundred percent. but," your thumbs begin to stroke over the skin of his cheeks, along his jaw, and then finally across his eyebrows, to which his eyes flutter closed. "this is your dream. it's been your dream since forever, and now you finally have the chance."

ollie sighs, but nods. you're getting to him.

"and it's not just any car, it's a ferrari. do you realize how cool that is? do you realize how many people would kill for an opportunity like this?" you smile at the sight of him with his eyes still shut, eyelashes resting atop his cheeks, messy fringe covering his forehead. even like this, at his most stressed state, he's completely gorgeous. "you would've killed for an opportunity like this just 24 hours ago."

"but what if i ruin it?" his voice is barely above a whisper when he speaks, shoulders slumping forward. "what if i go out there and i'm shit, and then they realize what a big mistake they've done by even putting me in the academy? what if-"

"it won't happen." his eyelids slowly open and he looks up at you, seemingly not even the slightest upset that you cut him off. "you're too good to do that. you'll get in that car and it will feel like your second home, just like it always does."

finally, a small smile makes its way onto his lips. it's only been a few minutes since you came in, but he seems much more relaxed now, leaning into your touch completely. "i'll try my best to make you proud."

you pout. "i'll be proud even if you end up with a slower lap than your pole lap from yesterday."

a laugh bubbles from his chest and he stands up from the table, opening his arms wide and pulling you in for a tight hug. his heart is still beating louder than a drum in his chest when your ear is pressed up against it, and you're almost worried it will jump out any second. but his breaths are much more controlled now, and his mind seems much lighter.

he presses a long kiss to the crown of your head, arms squeezing you tight. "i really need to go, because the sprint starts in..." you shoot a quick glance to the clock on the wall. "forty-five minutes. my team is going to kill me. but go out there and show them, baby."

and that's exactly what he did.

though, that's not the only thing you were correct about; your team was indeed furious when you finally made it back to the campos garage. your main engineer, who was supposed to help you get strapped in and fix all of the last details with the car over fifteen minutes ago, was apparently so angry he left you to do everything yourself. it's not that you didn't know about your schedule; you just needed to be there for ollie before his big debut.

everything works out in the end, at least according to you, and you're soon settled in your car on the grid, waiting to go on your formation lap. however, you've barely gotten as much as a glance from anyone on your team. you can't help but press the button to activate your radio. "i'm really sorry, guys. i just... had to do something."

"hope it was worth it." the voice of one of your engineers booms through your earpieces instantly, the sternness in his tone sending a shiver down your spine. "we got a huge fine because you were so late to get into the car, so..."

another of your engineers speaks up. "let's focus on the race instead now. no need to fight."

maybe it was because you got to visit ollie right before the race, or maybe it was just starting third and having a good car. either way, the sprint race was one of your best races in a long time. not only did you pass richard verschoor starting one place ahead of you into turn one; you also overtook paul, who started from pole, before the end of the first lap and got to lead your first laps in formula two ever.

dennis came around to steal the lead from you, but just landing yourself a spot on the podium was enough for you to celebrate. when you scored a second-place finish where the guy in first place was one of your former academy members, it didn't really matter that the guy on the third step of the podium was your ex-boyfriend.

going through all media duties is always exhausting, but it's usually never as dreadful as it is today. sitting in that press conference, knowing that your boyfriend is starting his first ever formula one qualifying in just a few moments. you have to literally bite your tongue not to pull a valtteri bottas and ask the journalists how q1 is going.

when you're this busy, you don't really have any time to think about paul's rumors. though, something about it continues to loom in the back of your mind all evening. especially when he speaks in the press conference, despite how hard you try to not even look at him, and especially when he's asked about ollie.

as the press conference finally comes to an end, you're not the only one who wants to hurry out of there to watch the rest of the qualifying session. you and the rest of the podium trio find a big screen that's showcasing the session, and you all insist that you should stay and watch, despite the f2 staff members' continuous attempts to squeeze the last drops of content from you.

they keep stuffing their phones and cameras in your face, throwing all kinds of questions about ollie your way, but you refuse to budge. you won't let them ruin this moment for you.

you're sure they've gotten quite a lot of embarrassing pictures of you teary-eyed while admiring your boyfriend's results, though.

you follow the timing board like a hawk, but something breaks you out of your trance. "who are you watching?" your head snaps to the direction of the voice – the f2 instagram admin with her phone pointed to paul.

as if you all haven't been watching and chatting about ollie for the last ten minutes.

you try not to, you really do, but you can't help but roll your eyes at the sight of paul. he's trying to look all innocent, hugging his trophy to his chest as his big, blue eyes blink up at the screen in the distance. a year ago, you would've just thought he was adorable – but today, this frustrates you more than anything. "i'm watching my dear friend ollie," he starts, eyes finding the camera so easily.

dear friend, huh? a dear friend is someone you spread rumors about?

the next time he speaks up, you have to physically bite your tongue to not yell at him. "the guy who gave me one position on tomorrow's grid."

you turn your head away in pure disgust. how could he say something like that? is that the only thing he cares about, places in his starting grid for tomorrow's feature race? is he serious?

you want to escape, to just storm off and never speak to him again. but instead, you force yourself to take a deep breath and focus back on the thing you're here for. ollie is doing so well; when q2 ends and he has driven his last lap, he misses out on q3 by just over a hundredth of a second. he almost even manages to knock out the legendary lewis hamilton, his fellow countryman whom he's been following for as long as he can remember, in his first-ever qualifying session.

you've never been prouder.

"honestly, as long as i can just bring the car home without wrecking it completely, i'm satisfied."

you give ollie's hand a soft squeeze at his words, fingers intertwining as your hands rest on top of the hotel cafeteria table. your other hand lifts your sandwich to your mouth and you take a bite, chewing it down quickly before giving him a nod.

you know his statement is meant as a joke, but you know it's just as much of a truth as a lie. driving an actual ferrari f1 car is his biggest dream, and even just making an alright race probably is enough to make him happy. there's no pressure on him, no one is expecting him to perform a miracle or even score some points.

but at the same time, you know he would never be satisfied with himself if he "just" brought it home safely. ollie isn't like that; he's way too stubborn, too determined, too much of a sore loser. it's what makes him. no matter what he says, there's always going to be something inside of him telling him that he needs to do better.

"i think you'll score your first points today," you tell him with a shrug. "i can feel it."

"don't say that, we don't know anything yet."

a shake of your head in combination with that smile of yours is enough to make some hope spark in him. "well, you have the car for it," you start. "and you have the skills."

ollie stays silent, letting the distant chatter of the other hotel guests having their breakfast fill the air. the cafeteria is emptying out by now, but new faces have been dropping in for a long time now, most of them walking by to give ollie a pat on his shoulder or a quick "good luck, mate".

you put down the last of your sandwich, leaving it behind with the fruit rinds and other scraps on your plate. "but don't think too much," you hum, eyes softening as they land on his. he's trying to contain his worries and anxiety as much as he can, but the slight tilt of his eyebrows and the way his gaze tends to dart away every once in a while tells a different story. "it's just driving. it's just what you always do, no problem."

you hold your glass of orange juice up to him and he gets the hint, clinging his own glass to yours before downing the last of its contents.

you're just about to speak up again with new words of affection, but an icy feeling spreads through your body at the sight of paul entering the cafeteria. the feeling soon turns into real nausea, and you can't even remember what you were supposed to say when you realize that he's making his way towards the two of you.

you want nothing more than to stay and keep encouraging ollie, but you can't take it at this moment. you stand up from your seat, giving ollie's fingers one last squeeze. "i forgot that i have a meeting soon," you make up. "so i need to go. i'll come see you before the race, okay?"

he doesn't even get to say bye before you've stormed off.

unfortunately, you have to pass paul in order to make it to the exit, but you make no effort to even recognize that he exists. you keep your gaze straight ahead.

karl, paul's physio, does a quick greeting from you though – as well as a confused look at the candle pressed into a pastry in one of the hotel's yogurt bowls – but then, you're off to hide in your hotel room until you're needed at the track for race preparations.

of course paul had to come by and ruin everything yet again.

with a good race from yesterday in the bag, you thought you could keep the momentum into today. however, that didn't turn out to be the case.

when a trident driver hit you from behind in the first lap, you lost a few positions instantly and after that, it was a bit too tough to recover. you had opportunities for overtakes, and the car was good enough to go through with them, but you never could. you kept slipping up, making rookie mistakes, and falling back even further. it even got to the point where your team came on the radio to remind you to focus on the road.

but no matter how hard you tried, it wouldn't work. the entire race, something else clouded your mind.

or, more specifically, someone.

every time you even caught a glimpse of paul's silver car, it was like something in your mind short-circuited. the memory of your conversation with pepe, the thought about paul running around and spreading rumors about you in the paddock… you couldn't push the thoughts, or the anger, away.

other times, back in the day, you were always good at turning your anger into something positive for your races. if you were upset with your father for something he said about red bull or the junior program, you went out there and proved him wrong. if you heard that another driver had complained about how you just got your seat because you were a girl, you made sure to dominate the race.

your stubbornness was always your biggest strength. but today, it was like your tank had run out. as much as you wanted to completely crush paul, you didn't have the capability.

at least paul didn't have that good of a race, either.

the second you get out of your car, you storm off towards your garage. you know you'll probably get a lot of shit for your performance your entire debrief, but if you can at least get over with it sooner, then you can forget about it and refocus on the next race weekend. plus, you really want to catch ollie before he's away for his f1 debut.

thankfully, you're not the only one getting criticized during the debrief; the team is not very happy with pepe's start, nor his DNF. after they've gone on and on about how costly this weekend has been for the team for an hour, you're finally released, but not without one last reminder to "think about what you're doing here and whose time you're wasting".

it's natural to lose all energy and confidence after a race like this. but the second you're back in ollie's arms, it's like the world around you just disappears. he's always been the best at keeping you grounded.

you've probably never hugged him this tightly before, but you can't help it. the second your arms wrap around his neck, you pour everything you have into the embrace.

he looks so good, so handsome and professional dressed up in his ferrari race suit. not just his prema suit with the ferrari logo on it, but an actual ferrari outfit. he looks like a real f1 driver – and the realization that he indeed is a formula one driver now brings tears to your eyes.

"hey," he says around a chuckle. "don't cry on me, woman."

"i won't..." you reach up to wipe away a drop from the corner of your eye as you pull away slightly from his embrace, shaking your head. "i won't. i'm just so proud of you."

"why are you so sappy?" the scene in front of him brings a huge grin to ollie's lips – he finds you equal parts adorable and hilarious. "i'm just going out there to drive a car. no biggie."

"no biggie," you repeat with a scoff, dabbing your other eye quickly before doing your best to blink down your other tears. earlier today, you were the one saying all of this was no problem. and yet, now he is the one who has to convince you of it. "right. it's just your passion, the thing you love. but i'm still proud."

an engineer catches ollie's attention above your head, sending him a certain look that has your boyfriend nodding before giving you one last squeeze. "i think i should-"

"of course, go," you usher him, retracting from his arms. "i'll be here after, no matter what happens." he nods, and he's about to leave when you speak up one last time. "have fun, okay?"

"always."

who would've imagined that ollie would not only score points in his first ever f1 race, but also win driver of the day, have the most overtakes, and score a seventh place as the second best british driver of the race?

well, you had imagined everything from him coming last to winning the race by horse lengths. and yet, this was all so unexpected. if someone had told you on wednesday that ollie would score six f1 points three days later, you would've laughed in their face. but now, it feels like it's been a long time coming.

you weren't allowed to stay in the ferrari garage for the actual race – it would've been a pr nightmare for everyone involved – so your nerves were all over the place since you weren't able to hear ollie's radio messages, info about the strategies, and so on. at least you get to wait right outside the garage with jamie, chris and his dad david, being the first to congratulate him after such a good debut race.

he looks completely worn out when he finally walks out through the door, but you can almost feel the pride and happiness radiating from him. his sweaty hair rests messily on top of his head, and an ice vest is draped over his body already to cool him down from the insane heat. and, most importantly, the smile on his lips is bigger than it's been all week.

ollie looks like he doesn't ever want to let go of his dad's hug, his face nuzzled in the crook of david's neck for a long time. you can only guess what things the father is whispering in his son's ear, but when the result is ollie pulling him even closer, your heart expands in your chest.

when they part, it's jamie's and chris's times to congratulate the point-scorer, and when he pulls away from his manager's arms, his eyes land on you. you're pulled into his embrace in just a second, a giggle slipping past your lips when he lifts you up into the air and spins you both around. his strong grip around you never eases, not when he sets you down on your feet again and not when he starts speaking.

"i knew it would be hard, but..." he shakes his head, a sweaty fringe brushing against the side of your head. "my entire body is ruined. like, it doesn't hurt because i have so much adrenaline, but i'm going to be in so much pain later. my neck and my shoulders and-"

another one of your waves of laughter cut off his ramblings, and he joins in once he realizes what he's been doing. when you finally pull apart slightly and your hands come up to cup his cheeks, you're just staring into his eyes for what feels like forever.

your boy, the f1 driver.

"this is from your mum," you whisper to him, leaning in to kiss his cheek. "and this is from your sister." a kiss to his other cheek. "and... this is from me."

ollie has to crouch down slightly because even when you get onto your tippy toes, you can't reach all the way up to his forehead. but once you press your lips against his skin, all of the hidden tension in his eyebrows disappears. he's like putty under your touch.

"i'm so proud."

ollie's groans are muffled by the pillow his face is pressed into, head twitching when your thumbs press into some tense areas of his neck. you shush him jokingly, like a mother comforting a crying baby, but your movements never halt.

ever since he got out of that car, he's been complaining about how sore he is. especially his neck and shoulders, and all of the muscles that were most affected by the g forces. you don't blame him, however – he's got a free pass for pretty much everything for the next week, you think – but you decided to be a nice girlfriend and help him out. the strings of whines and swearwords he keeps letting out don't seem to be stopping anytime soon, though.

the lotion on your hands is enough for you to be able to glide your fingers across his upper back, along his shoulder blades, all over his freckled skin. as you're straddling his lower back, you can reach pretty much all angles of his upper body, and the knots in his muscles seem to be disappearing despite how painful your massage seems to be.

eventually, ollie tilts his head to the side, his blushed cheeks decorated with lines from the pillow underneath him. his slight pout is on full display and his tired eyes flutter closed as he speaks. "hey, y/n?"

"yes, ollie?" you reply, your thumb pressing into one especially stubborn knot in his right shoulder. ollie stays quiet for a few moments and takes a deep breath, almost as if he's gathering courage for something.

"you know that i love you right?"

the world around you stops.

everything freezes.

he loves me?

your breath hitches in your throat at the words. it's the first time he's ever said them, and though it's not the most uncommon thing for someone to tell their girlfriend of over six months, they make your head spin.

a mishmash of thoughts clouds your mind. they won't shut up for even a second. but the loudest thought is the only one you shouldn't have; it's about the only person you can't be thinking about right now.

the way that your mind instantly wanders off to paul is frankly embarrassing, but you can't help it. he's the first boy you've ever loved, the first person you've ever uttered those three words to. the only one. and no matter how badly you wish you could just forget about that and move on, he's still a part of you. he's your only real experience of love.

and this just isn't the same.

you want to say it back to ollie, you truly do. but at the same time, you don't want to say it if it isn't true – it's not fair to him.

ollie senses that something is up. your signs aren't exactly subtle, anyway; your movements have stopped completely and he can't even hear you breathing anymore. "hey, i'm sorry-"

"don't apologize," you interject instantly, shaking your head as you start to climb off his body. "you did nothing wrong. i'm the one who's sorry."

"stop that, you shouldn't be." he turns around, staring up at you with those big, brown eyes of his. "i don't expect you to say it back if you don't want to. i just..." he lets out a low sigh. "i wanted you to know, i guess."

you sit still for a few moments, before leaning down to place a kiss on his rosy cheek. "thank you." another pause. "it means a lot, you know?"

"well, you mean a lot to me."

and he does to you, too.

but is that enough?

ollie loves me.

he actually loves me.

he told me today after the race, and... i didn't say anything. i just sat there like a complete moron.

i couldn't say it back. i just don't feel what i felt for paul yet.

what's wrong with me?

why don't i race like i used to? why can't i control my emotions? was the sprint race yesterday just luck? did i really deserve that podium?

why does paul still affect me this much? why is he always there in my thoughts – when i'm racing, when i'm with ollie, when i try to sleep...

i have a perfect boyfriend and a great car, so why do i feel like everything is falling apart?

yourusername just posted!

yourusername p2 in the sprint 🥈 big thanks to the team for the hard work!! and i got to witness the rb p1-2 up close, congrats redbullracing 💙 also check slide 4 for an appearance from me and my former family on f1tv <3

show all 96 comments

user y/n and the prema staff during the driver's parade 😭 they're so cute

→ user her referring to them as her family, byeeee

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user why is no one talking about the last slide???

→ user because i can't talk while i'm crying, sorry

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user great job this weekend y/n !!! thank you for signing my cap 🥺

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user loved to see her celebrate the red bull double podium even after a hard feature race ❤️

→ user she had to balance out the post with that max and checo pic 😭 would've been just ollie & prema otherwise

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

user ollie looks like a baby in the second pic 🥲

→ user just a little boy playing with his toy cars

→ yourusername i had to hold his little teddy bear during the race to make sure it wouldn't get dirty

→ user stopppp you're so real for sharing that

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teawithnosugar · 1 year

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All Alone

Cheater!Ellie x Mentally ill!Reader

CW: angst/no comfort, mentions of sex???, anxiety???, depression, suicide??? kinda???, self-harm, alcohol consumption, mentions of smoking WORDS: 1.2k SYNOPSIS: Ellie cheats on you and everything goes downhill. (Modern AU) SONG: Goth - Sidewalks and Skeletons

"My hollow heart finds it too hard to trust We're all alone until we turn back to dust"

AN: I wanted to make this way longer but I have other stuff I wanna finish so this is it ig :<

You loved too much, a flaw you were aware of since childhood. Always giving too much to people who took without giving anything in return. So when you fell in love with a green-eyed brunette who made you feel good in more ways than one, you best believe you poured your heart and soul into that relationship. You gave her everything.

You met when you moved into the apartment next door, fate seemingly leading you to her everyday. You were hired at the same cafe she worked at, invited to the same parties she was, and she had approached you one day, asking you if you were stalking her. The moment you giggled in response, everything clicked and the rest was history.

You never questioned the way she knew you like the back of her hand and the way you barely understood her. She knew how fragile you were, pacing back and forth the bridge of normality and emptiness. She knew she held your world within her grasp, but you remained oblivious to the amount of women she had at her disposal.

When you walked into her apartment using the spare keys she gave you and saw her in bed, sweaty and naked with another woman, shock enveloped your very being. Paralyzed, you witnessed her hurried attempts to dress, her lips moving in haste but you heard none of it, only the pounding of your heart in your ears. You just wordlessly walked back to your apartment, locking the door and never leaving ever again.

A week has passed, and throughout this time, your ears have been tormented by the filthy noises of different girls entering and leaving her apartment every night. If there was one thing you immediately understood about Ellie during your relationship, it was that sex was her best stress reliever. You wish you could say you were glad that your pain caused her so much stress, but, find yourself devoid of emotion.

You wondered how long this had been going on. You’ve only just heard the noises now that you started leaving the door of your small balcony open. Hers was right next to it and always open. You never opened yours though, dreading the thoughts that would assail your mind once you gazed down upon the perilous streets below. You weren’t afraid anymore though.

You sat on the pavement of your balcony, legs dangling in the air as they slotted between the metal of the railing. Your dark eyes stared into the sky, struggling against the city's light pollution, you squint, yearning to glimpse whatever celestial bodies remain visible. There was a lit blunt between your lips as you listened carefully to the voice of the woman Ellie was with. She sounded so alive, while here you were, barely eating, still in the same clothes as that fateful day, lost in visions of eternal darkness.

For hours, you linger in that space, even after the lewd voices next door faded, and the scorching sun rose and set, you sat there, staring downward at the streets below, questioning why you have yet to surrender to the void.

The sun had heated the metal railings of your balcony, scorching the skin of your thighs that now fitted so well between the small gaps. The smell of burning flesh may have been what attracted the footsteps that faded into your hearing. As the footsteps paused, a familiar shadow loomed over you from the side. As you turn your head to the side to meet those green eyes, , your body creaks with the strain of prolonged immobility..

One can only imagine the sight that befell her—eyebrows arching in shock, mouth agape, her guilt-ridden gaze scanning you as though you were a crime scene. Cigarette butts littered the small area of your balcony. Your frame has withered since her last encounter, excessively so. To the point where your legs slip effortlessly through the narrow gaps in the railing. The skin on your thighs a deep red and creamy white as the flesh started melting off. There were deep red gashes on your thin arms, flowing onto the concrete.

Remaining eerily still, you watch as she climbed from her balcony to yours. Gently yet swiftly, she guides you into your apartment, breath quickening as she felt how cold you were despite sitting in the sun for god knows how long. It didn’t take long for her to call an ambulance.

Lacking the strength to move, you acknowledge that you may be dying—be it from starvation or the loss of vital fluids—it didn’t matter. You had died days ago.

Your hollow heart found it hard to trust Ellie and her words. She laid you on her lap, and you stared blankly up at her. You tried to engrave her face into your mind, the tears flowing over her freckles from her wide green eyes and her trembling form.

It was sick but your heart swelled because she actually cared, and your mind found solace in the fact she’d suffer too.

First, your vision fades, and for the first time in a week, clarity pierces through the incessant ringing in your ears. Her trembling pleas and tearful apologies. Her words were unintelligible but for the first time in a year, you felt like you understood all the thoughts going through her head.

She shouldn’t have let you be

She should’ve tried talking to you right after

She shouldn’t have been so distant

She should’ve opened up

She shouldn’t have cheated

She should’ve went to you with her problems

You gave her a smile, and you knew that was the final nail driven into the coffin of your relationship, eliciting a slight flinch from her and a resounding sob.

As your remaining senses fade into oblivion, you embrace the darkness that welcomes you with open arms. Leaving her all alone like you had been for so long. .

She stood by your side, a radiant presence in the dimly lit kitchen of the bustling house party. The soft yellow lights illuminated her green eyes, while you sat on a barstool, seeking refuge in the shot glass cradled in your grasp. She stared at you for a while, her curious scrutiny enveloped you, tracing the contours of your being, looking you up and down, unable to resist the gravitational pull of curiosity before finally saying the words she had harbored within her mind for weeks that found their way to her lips.

“You stalking me or something?”

Her words possessed a rawness, unadorned and direct. You were so drunk out of your mind that laughter erupted from your depths, cascading forth like a bubbling spring. Your laugh visibly stirred something in her, her confident facade faltered, unveiling a light blush that bloomed upon her freckled skin, like a rose in bloom.

In that fleeting moment, both of you sensed it, an unspoken realization in that moment that you were both fucked.

Shaking your head as your laughter gradually subsided, you extended a hand toward her, an offering of connection.

“I’m Y/N” your voice a soft symphony that carried your essence.

The brunette, hesitant yet undeniably drawn to you accepted your hand, rough hands intertwining with yours. She gave you a small smile, a thin veil hiding all the troubles she’d eventually give you.

“I’m Ellie”

#the last of us #tlou #the last of us 2 #tlou 2 #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams #ellie x reader

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janemechner · 11 months

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painting progress from 3 hours this morning at vata. this is the first time i’ve ever done such an intense realism study, andy is really a great teacher i had no idea i could paint like this. i think ill be finished by next session !!

waiting a week in between each session has really changed my mindset about painting too. i usually finish most pieces within the same day, but i like the distance. it’s like refreshing a browser in my eyeballs. i’ve always drawn quickly but i never realized how much patience really is a benefit and a skill. i think i also never really realized how impatient i generally am. because i have to wait a week to work on this i end up thinking about blending and values for hours a day just imagining i’m doing it instead of doing it. maybe mental practice can be just as effective as physical.

anyways this is a bit of a word vomit i deleted ig because reels are ruining my life so back to my tumblr sketchbook for a bit

#dessins #dessin #drawing #my art #art #photo #painting

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legallysoup · 11 months

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18.10.23 - wednesday, mecredi, onsdag 6/31 days of the studyblr community challenge

happy birthday sarah, i apologise that you missed out on the chaos today :(

i thought it was going to rain today but no it was just the weather gaslighting me and we finished the afternoon at 25 degrees.

things i did today:

i stayed up last night doing some coding commits, i managed to do nearly all the parts. now i only have to submit the hashtags and powerpoint because im unorganised i watched both science mineral revision videos received my new minerals task, i will probably start it next week performed our drama assignment (it was so on crack i enjoyed it immensely)

things i will try to do tomorrow:

start my coding presentation finish all commits do my french bc i saw it was due but i need to wait for the lesson :/ photography branding

im not sure how much i can do bc i have an eye test but we'll see (or not depending on what the specialist says ig)

✨things i did for me today✨

talked with some friends about the new guardians of the galaxy movie, i watched it a few weeks ago and! its so good! made some sweet dumplings in syrup (they were good) does orange juice count as selfcare i think it should

my laptop is running out of storage (as in i have 2.57gb left) but i dont want to uninstall my games this is very sad now half of my websites dont run because im out of disk space aaaaaaa

day six: what did you decide to do this challenge and what is your goal?

i decided to do this challenge because as ive said, i thought it would be easier than doing launching straight into 100 days of productivity. im trying to get some sort of routine in, which is kind of happening! only one week in and im remembering to do my studyblr updates on time, which is great! once its really cemented and solid, im going to try incorporate allocating journaling or something. in my opinion, its really easy to need to work until you have to sleep, but turning off that side of the brain and chilling out before i sleep will be a good habit to get into. it won't happen in a month and teenagers are renowned for terrible sleep schedules, but ill try :)

SARAH HAS RETURNED YAY

#good soup #studyblr #studyblr challenge #studyblr community challenge #chaotic academia #langblr #language learning #french #norwegian #welcome back sarah yay

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hanjist · 22 days

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sonder.

content - struggling artist!hyunjin. gn!reader. angst.

warning - mini argument ig.

word count - 1914.

a/n - i got stuck within the end so i might delete and fix it to repost later but im not sure yet. not proof read.

“y/n, i have a favor to ask of you.”

it’s never good when he asks for a favor. it started with little things, like getting his paints at the store before you go home or helping him carry a canvas out for an art show. then it became serious; driving him from exhibition to exhibition so he can display his art, to having to stay hours with him at auctions. then it became a major problem in your own schedule, having to take several days off from work to the point you get warnings. then him having to ask for your help when it came to your shared bills and necessities. it just felt never ending with him.

“what is it now, hyune?”

“i have this art exhibition and-”

you put your finger to his lips.

“stop right there. i know what you’re gonna say. you need my help to drive you there, help with packing the canvases, and refill paints for new pieces.”

his eyes go wide as you basically read his mind. he gently grabs your wrist to take your finger off his mouth. as he opens his mouth to speak, you cover it again with your other hand.

“i know, i always know. don’t worry, ill take another day off.”

your voice filled with exhaustion, but hyunjin doesn’t seem to recognize it.

“yes! thank you, y/n! you’re the best.”

he plants a wet kiss on your cheek before skipping away to his designated art room. as he turns away, you wipe his sloppy kiss off your cheek then sigh as you watch him go back to his element. as much as you love him, it’s tiring to do all of this every other week.

with having to balance out your job as a corporate lawyer and his artistic talent, the cycle goes like this: having to attend client meetings and discuss the next case on your hands, all while hyune is at home preparing a new piece for another showcase. once you’re home, hyunjin asks you for another favor regarding his art, and you can never say no, which leads to you disappointing your team and clients as you take another day off. hyunjin prepares his canvases by finishing the last details and wrapping them carefully for the next showcase; while you are finishing up complaint calls from your company how you’re doing a lousy job and if you keep repeating your times off, your pto will be revoked and your pay will be cut, making you stress about bills you are now paying alone. then comes the showcase, where you’re driving from one hour to several hours, place to place, to please your boyfriend. having to stick beside him when it comes to potential buyers or critics who could display his art somewhere else. then having to go home in silence when another showcase has failed him. it’s always the same.

as you prepare dinner, tears start welding in your eyes. you’re stressed, exhausted, and tired. you just want a break from it all. you need time to relax, but the world won’t give you it.

“hyunjin, baby. dinner is ready.”

you peak into his art room, watching as he paints the canvas with a royal blue color. he hums when you call for him. he turns around, a soft smile on his face. whenever he looks at you like that, it’s like all your problems go away. but not tonight, not when you’re so overwhelmed with everything going on.

“thank you, honey. i should’ve made it for you… but i was so caught up with the sketching, i got ahead of myself and started painting. ill do it tomorrow, m’kay?”

you nod at him as his hand rests on your cheek. placing your own hand on top of his, you caress it carefully.

“okay.”

he said that last time too.

the day before the showcase, everything was a mess. you came home from work late, which stressed hyunjin out if you were gonna be able to make it or not, considering your work load. you tend to work overnight at the office, it’s more convenient for you.

“you had me worried sick! why didn’t you tell me you were gonna come home late?”

“didn’t bother, sorry. i’ll tell you next time.”

then, you had to make dinner. during this simple task you took up, hyunjin made it harder by rambling about his worries for tomorrow, right beside you.

“you know, i really hope this showcase will do it for me. i can really see myself having my big break tomorrow! do you think so too, y/n? i mean, it’s been a long journey, but im so confident in tomorrow! unless, maybe im just overthinking it. what if tomorrow is like any other showcase? but this one… this one could make or break my career.”

“…mhm.”

then right after dinner, you had to help pack his fragile pieces. covering every single one in multiple layers of bubble wrap, then wrapping it with paper, and finishing it off with twine to secure everything.

“make sure to make the knots tight as possible! i don’t want anything breaking.”

“yes, hyunjin.”

the final straw was work. you were preparing for tomorrow by putting hyunjin’s artwork in the trunk of your car carefully. as you made room for his stuff, you had completely forgotten about some papers for your case in the car. hyunjin was rummaging through the papers, getting them out of the way, until he saw the text on them.

“honey, your work. did you request time off for tomorrow?”

“yes, hyunjin.”

“are you sure?”

“im very sure.”

“m’kay. just making sure.”

he handed you the stack of your case papers in your hands. as you read through them, you had realized you had to attend an important meeting tomorrow regarding your clients case, which you weren’t able to find someone to cover for you.

“wait… hyunjin. i don’t think i can take you tomorrow.”

“what? but i thought you just said you requested time off?”

“i did, but i didn’t get anybody to cover this case. i have to go tomorrow.”

“you can’t!”

“what do you mean, ‘i can’t?’”

“honey, this showcase means so much to me! this could make or break my career. you need to find someone to cover you. this one exhibit could change our lives. it could benefit us.”

you sigh at him, fingers rubbing your temples.

“hyunjin, my work is important too. i can’t do it. im sorry. why not you just take my car tomorrow, ill take the train to work.”

“but i need your support, y/n.”

“and i need to work so we can pay off all these bills.”

“my career…”

“what career, hyunjin?

the words that came out of your mouth left hyunjin with a gasp. you quickly covered your mouth.

“oh. is that what you think of me? that my career is nothing, right? that im not as successful. okay, guess that’s how it is.”

waiting for your response, you stay silent. it’s enough of an answer for him. he looks at you with a blank face, tears welding in his eyes.

“hyunjin, i’m sorry- i didn’t mean it like that.”

you reach out for his shoulder, but he flinches away.

“no, it’s fine.”

he takes a deep breath before he speaks again.

“i’ll take the car tomorrow.”

you look at him with guilt, then it suddenly turns into a look of relief.

“i’ll take the train.”

before you even woke up, hyunjin was already out of the house. your car keys weren’t at its usual place on the kitchen counter. he’s left. as you make your way to the train station, you can’t help but feel some guilt for what happened last night. it’s not like you verbally said those things to him, he just assumed it. and he wasn’t wrong.

despite your doubt in him, hyunjin’s showcase went more than well. several art dealers had bought pieces of his to display in their own galleries, as well as some institutions who wanted to display his work in their private galleries and museums. everything was going so well for him, so how come he couldn’t feel happy about it?

after work, you decide to show up to his art showcase to apologize to him. you speed your way to the exhibition, not even bothering to take a glance at his work, only searching for him. you find him talking with a man slightly taller than him, an art dealer. he finally did it. you want to run up to congratulate him. you want to plant so many kisses on him. you just want to see him.

as the dealer shakes hands with hyunjin and turns away, you run up to him and hug him. he doesn’t reciprocate it back. due to the awkward skin ship, you let go of him.

“who was that? did he buy your work?”

“an art dealer, he did.”

“oh my gosh! you did it, hyune!”

he stays silent.

you awkwardly move your hair in your face behind your ear.

“look, im sorry about last night… i didn’t mean it like that. i just— i was frustrated.”

he blinks twice at you. no response. you start to explain yourself furthermore.

“hyune, my work is important too. you know that, right?”

he nods without a word.

“im sorry i lashed out on you last night. it wasn’t my intention to hurt you.”

“but you did.”

“i know! and im sorry.”

“you hurt me, y/n. you really made me feel like i was on my own. i trusted you with my worries and my feelings. i know you work, it’s important. but you always say yes to my showcases, how come this time you lash out on me? you know, i try so hard to support the both of us. i know my career isn’t one that isn’t promised with success, but you could at least have a little faith in me.”

now you’re silent.

“i do it all for you. you should know that. i pursue my passions because of you. i just wish you could recognize that.”

he sighs while tilting his head back. then he looks back at you with an emotionless face.

“i don’t really want to see you right now. let’s just talk at home.”

he turns away from you. you’re left alone standing. standing in front of a large canvas. one that he painted. painted of you.

it was you.

you were his muse.

but you were too overwhelmed to notice.

too upset to even give a compliment on his work.

how come he didn’t tell you about this one? was it supposed to be a surprise?

now, you really feel guilty.

you looked at the other canvases beside the large one. one titled “how the mind works.” a self portrait, displaying his corrupt thoughts, but the center is a daisy. the first ever flower he got for you. the other one was a painting of a bouquet of roses. the bouquet he gifted you when he asked you to be his girlfriend. as you viewed more of the paintings, most were just bouquets of flowers. all of them you recall on certain dates you went on.

it didn’t hit you back then. but now, you come to your senses.

he’s just as complex as you are.

his life is just as difficult as yours.

and despite everything, he keeps going just for you.

another thought hits you again.

you just hurt someone else’s baby.

you made him feel like a burden.

but he never was and never will be.

#skz imagines #skz scenarios #skz x reader #stray kids #stray kids imagines #stray kids x reader #stray kids x y/n #stray kids x you #skz angst #skz fanfic #stray kids angst #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin #hyunjin x you #hyunjin x y/n #hyunjin angst #hyunjin headcanons #hyunjin imagines #hyunjin scenarios

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