#so im not gonna say i have autism since I'm not diagnosed by a professional

[blue-banditt]

INTRO: ... gods I'm so over typing this out for the 6th time

Hi I'm blue :] some stuff about me: I'm 20 years old, I work professionally in horticulture (seasonally rn 😮‍💨), and I'm a man. I might post about work stuff sometimes.. since I'm a full time working adult. Sorry if it gets boring

This is an anonymous account where I can talk about SH and Addictions without triggering other people. If that's not your thing, feel free to block me, as I don't tag my posts so less people see them.

I WILL however put a TW and read more cut if the post is super duper triggering, like detailed descriptions of triggering topics etc. or like pics of my scars etc.

I have a lot of mental illnesses unfortunately!! My current diagnoses are: PDD (chronic depression), DP/DR, C-PTSD, BPD (borderline), AUD (alcoholism), ASD (autism), Gender Dysphoria, and I have Misophonia too but it's not actually a diagnosis atm— that doesn't make it any less real or debilitating though!!

Diagnoses I used to have but no longer fit the criteria for: SAD (social anxiety), ADHD // I'm also diagnosed with situational mutism but recently I've been thinking it was a misdiagnosis so I no longer identify with it as a label

I highly, strongly suspect I have AvPD, and as soon as I'm in a position to request a professional diagnosis, i will.

ummmm ok boundaries;

Minors be cautious! I'm not gonna say not to interact but be aware that I probably will not be interested in becoming mutuals etc. and if you have your age/range in your bio I will steer clear of interacting with your account. Feel free to block me if it makes you feel safer

EDblr feel free to interact with me!! I may not have an ED but y'all struggle with similar comorbidities as me so if you find relatability it's chill. I don't get triggered by ED content so no worries there

DMs open to mutuals (if I've followed you back) asking for/trading SH pics is ok if you're 18+ but please dont send them unsolicited. I will not respond to people im not moots with or if you're a minor

I think that's it ??

[gayopinion]

i read your opinions page and im curious - if you feel like it would you expand on what you mean when you say self diagnosis is ok for some conditions? what parameters would you consider make a condition ok to self-diagnose vs not?

this was something i wrote like almost a year ago and actually the other day i was thinking how it doesn't rlly reflect how i feel today bc i don't Really Care if someone diagnoses themselves with xyz condition. i never go on desktop tumblr but if i had been this week i'd have taken it out.

i cant answer your question perfectly so i apologize but instead i'll explain that think my problem with self diagnoses lied in how people used it. how some people would be like "i have x condition and so i do this bad thing (as in dealing with symptoms) and make no effort to improve my life because of that or to work around it." which obviously was a bitter viewpoint to have and is a very specific example and i don't have the right to enforce it on others who feel clarity or peace in knowing why they might act the way they do. BUT i still think everyone should try their best to work with their abilities to make their lives easier rather than blaming a struggle they have on a diagnosis (i'm not saying i'm above this - i've certainly fallen victim to this mentality myself).

i know now that many more people struggle with conditions like autism, adhd, ocd, etc than i had previously thought. my lack of first hand experience and understanding lead to believing the misconception that people were trying to label themselves quickly for xyz symptom of any condition they could find without really thinking about the repercussions that has. i also didn't know at the time that autistic people were unable to transition to their real gender if they received a diagnosis, which goes to show there are reasons to self diagnose rather than seek medical professional advice (which is another story and i'm not shaming anyone for not having healthcare coverage). i think some conditions like BPD or antisocial personality disorder are not something you need to share with strangers, but i'm not going to stop anyone from identifying with an explanation for why they are who they are. of course people shouldn't base their personalities on a diagnosis or condition but i'm well aware that's a small subsection of people who do that and i'm not lumping everyone in with them.

tl;dr: i wrote that a while ago and have since met many wonderful people with autism, adhd, ocd, et cetera and saw why people self diagnose and how it helps them. i would say the pros certainly outweigh the cons of self diagnosing, and if anyone wants to tell themselves and the world that they have a condition that makes their brain function in a specific way, then i think that's just fine and there's definitely advantages to seeing the world through different eyes. i'm gonna take it out of my page now, and i apologize if i alienated or hurt anyone by my poor choice of words.

[eyecicles]

i'm autistic...i've known for about 6 years now, and i was diagnosed pretty late (17) and in secret. my mom doesnt believe in autism, calls it "all in my head", and she doesnt take the resulting depression and anxiety seriously either. she yells at me for everything i've come to learn has to do with my autism, and claims to have read and researched everything but i know she hasnt (or if she has, its been 1 or 2 unreliable articles) /1

whenever i break and tell her she’s yelling at me for something outside of my control (for example, being uncomfortable with sudden changes in plans or making eye contact) she starts talking about how if i keep saying it to myself i’ll never get better and i should acknowledge the problem and stuff like that. she doesnt want me to go to therapy and if i must, its gonna be someone she picks out and i really dont want to go there

im kinda scared of therapy as it is because ive lived my whole life this way and im worried that i’ll lose bits of my personality if i start to change (even if its for the better) and i dont want to go but i also know that i should, and i also really want an official diagnosis from someone whose opinion actually counts (because mine sure as fuck doesnt) so that my parents could get off my back about these things. im really confused about how to explain shit to them

and how to approach this whole thing because im so tired of having to constantly adapt to every new thing she insists on especially when im not mentally ready for it. she doesnt take my mental health seriously or considers it a priority and then tries to act like she cares (she does care, i know that, but her approach is all wrong) but refuses to take my opinion on it anyway, even tho im clearly the one suffering most. ive even told her (after a long time) that she hurts me but she wont stop

im sorry to dump this all on you but none of my friends have problems like this and my family doesnt believe in MIs because of the stigma around them here, and i dont know who else to ask for advice from. if you could give me anything at all, i’d appreciate it so much

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Hmm, I don’t exactly know what you mean with "diagnosed in secret”. You don’t have access to any papers or anything else you could use as proof?

Asking the people who diagnosed you for something like a certification would be your easiest option, of course. But if that’s, for some reason, not possible, I would advice you to either talk to someone from an autism counselling centre (if that’s a thing where you live) or your doctor. They will help you find out how to get an official diagnosis, because I definitely think that would be your best course of action.

I unfortunately know a lot of parents who treat their autistic child like your mother does. And some of them refuse to accept the truth even when they’re confronted with hard facts and actual evidence, like a professional diagnosis. I think what helped a lot of people is talking about autism in a way that humanises us. Showing them interviews, videos or books by other autistic people in similar situations, with similar struggles, or just talking about as neutral as possible. No method is infallible, sadly, but I found that normalising or talking about the more positive aspects of autism will sometimes change the minds of parents with autistic children. Sometimes only to some degree and very slowly, but it’s still better than nothing, I suppose.

My parents were quick to accept that I’m autistic, but they’re pretty much like your mother when it comes to mental illnesses. It’s a very tricky situation and a topic I’m trying to avoid with them. I personally don’t think that changing the perspectives of one’s parents should be anyone’s main focus though, even if their words still hurt. Self acceptance and getting the help you might need are infinitely more important in the end.

I understand your concerns about therapy, I really do. Almost every autistic person has a comorbid diagnosis (I think it’s about 90%), or several, and getting the right kind of therapy is often unavoidable if we want to get better. But that’s also why it can be important to get an official diagnosis: regular therapy, with someone who doesn’t know a whole lot about autism (because let’s face it: even mental health professionals mostly know jack shit about autism if they didn’t study it) is often times almost completely fruitless. A good therapist won’t try to change your personality and autism symptoms by the way.

I know you said that your mother would want to pick your therapist, but it’s not for her to decide. Especially not when you’ve got the diagnosis, because the psychologists in charge will recommend you therapists that are well-versed in autism and the unique struggles we face. If you have still concerns about your mother, you can and should bring this up with those people as well! They will know how to best handle situations like yours, since it’s sadly not that uncommon.

The first step is usually the hardest. But to me it sounds like you desperately need to change something about your situation - you can see yourself that you won’t convince your mother the way you tried. But a diagnosis and therapy can help you in so many ways you might not even be aware of yet. It’s of course not a magical remedy to all your problems, but I think the fact that you reached out to me already shows that you’re on the right path. You seem to fully realise yourself that it can’t go on like that. Which is great!

So yes, my advice would be to first talk to someone from an Autism Centre of Excellence (or however it’s called where you’re from, it should be easy enough to find online) (you can usually e-mail them as well, if you don't want to call) or a doctor.

Another thing: if you haven’t already, I think it could help to check out the autism community online. There are many people in similar situations, with similar concerns, and just reading about other autistic people’s experiences online helped me a great deal. You can for example check out the #actuallyautistic tag on tumblr, or this blog. If you like, you can of course ask me more questions, of course.

I wish you the best of luck, anon!