#so it feels more like a bunch of people in their early twenties still playing with their old group even if a bunch of them are still in hs

[the-amazing-spider-sim]

work friend almost becomes real friend thanks to the power of dnd

next / prev

[lost-in-fandoms]

https://www.tumblr.com/lost-in-fandoms/762168056269144064/thinking-about-streamer-max-who-lowkey-does?source=share

Omg. Omg!!!! Streamer Max my beloved! What does Daniel do when he stumbles onto Max's stream? I'm just imagining him clicking on a random link or something and suddenly bam he's got a face full of this pretty streamer with slutty short shorts!

(Anyway love your work and hope you have a great day!! 🥰)

You are so sweet I hope you have a great day too!!

Some slutty streamer Max to try and have something good to end the day with

Daniel sighs, rolling over towards the bedside table and grabbing his phone, checking the time for what feels like the twentieth time that night already.

4:42 am.

Just twenty minutes after the last time he checked.

He sighs again, sitting up slightly to drink some water, resigned to the fact that he'll probably won't get any sleep tonight either. If he's lucky, he'll get a couple hours when the sun is rising and then sneak a nap in somewhere during the afternoon.

He knows that jet lag is not helping, having landed in Perth from Los Angeles just two days ago, but he's been dealing with this insomnia for way too long to lie to himself any further. Sleep simply isn't coming.

He's tried most things already tonight, from the relaxing herbal tea his mom had recommended, to the white noise machine, to the podcasts, to the meditation. Nothing has worked.

He grabs his phone again, going through some of his messages and emails before clicking on the twitch app.

It's something new he's been trying the past couple of weeks, doesn't even remember who recommended it to him, and so far it hasn't worked, but at this point into the night he's willing to do anything. Whoever it was who first told him about it had been speaking about ASMR streams and music channels, but Daniel has been mostly browsing around, not really finding anything that catches his eye.

Tonight, he moves past the few streams he has followed already, scrolling through the live channels without looking for anything in particular, until something catches his eyes.

At first glance the stream doesn't look like anything special, even if the game itself looks cute, just a guy in a dimly lit room in a corner of the screen, mouth moving to say words Daniel can't hear yet, but.

The guy is sitting on a gaming chair, leaning back slightly in a way that Daniel doubts is fully comfortable, legs splayed, his short shorts bunched up to leave milky skin on display. He's using both hands to play, but just as Daniel is watching, slightly transfixed, he laughs, probably at something in chat, and brings one hand away to lightly scratch at his neck and then down to his leg, pulling it more to the side, fingers grazing on his crotch.

Daniel swallows.

He taps on the screen, opening the stream without really thinking about it, finally letting the guy's voice play through the speakers.

"...just for 40 more minutes. No, you cannot bribe me for one hour, Kiks, not even if you use the cute emote. I have work."

He has an accent, a lisp that comes out when he says Kiks, bright blue eyes and a lovely smile. And a hand that is still on his dick.

Daniel's eyes fall on the name of the stream, Farming some slimes, which tells him nothing, and the name of the game, Slime Rancher 2, which tells him that at least he's not in some sort of secret porn category, before going back to the camera square.

The guy is now playing again, hands just barely in view from where they're wrapped around the controller, and Daniel takes a breath, trying to gather his bearings after feeling like he's just been hit over the head with an hammer.

The chat is scrolling by slowly, his 236 viewers obviously not all interested in talking, so Daniel has no problem catching the last few messages. It's mostly people complaining about the guy leaving early, the person he was talking to earlier, KicksforKiks24, offering to gift some subs if he stays longer, and Daniel wonders if he is the only one noticing the absolutely sinful thighs on display here.

Nightnectior: What if I ask really nicely Max?

The new message pops up in chat, and Daniel watches as the streamer, Max apparently, laughs again, shaking his head.

"No, Night, I told you, I have things to do early in the morning."

Okay, maybe Daniel is the weird one here. Maybe he is the only one thinking about Max's legs and reading his posture wrong. Maybe he is the only perv in this chat, and everyone else is absolutely normal.

Severson: would love to see you do /things/ in the morning

Daniel chokes on his spit.

He's expecting Max to ignore it, or to delete the message, or to have any kind of reasonable reaction, but Max.

Max grins.

He blinks slowly, shifting on the chair almost casually, bringing one foot up to rest on the seat, shorts bunching up so much Daniel can see a hint of pubes, the outline of his balls and dick now fully visible, and then sliding a hand down his thigh to rest on his lower belly, fingers grazing his crotch again.

"Would you?" he asks, voice low.

Daniel has forgotten what Max's asking about. He's forgotten about anything that isn't the desire of sinking his teeth in the meat of his thigh, to have them wrapped around his head, and the knowledge that his dick is half hard already.

"I don't think that's how it works," Max says, in response to a message Daniel doesn't even care to look at right now. He's barely aware of the chat going faster now, more messages popping up in a rapid succession.

"Oh look at all of you, coming out to play."

Max's hand slides lower, now fully on his dick, as he giggles, a sliver of his stomach exposed too. Daniel's heart is beating in his ears. He doesn't know what's happening.

There's a new sound on the stream, something that startles Daniel out of his daze enough to realise someone has just donated €50 just to call Max a pretty boy.

Daniel wonders how hard it is to figure out how donations work. How much he can donate without his bank blocking his account. How much it would take for Max to do something.

He swallows, feeling slightly insane.

Max's fingers squeeze once.

Daniel's breath stutters in his chest, his hands twitching, wanting to touch himself too but so transfixed he doesn't dare moving.

And then Max shifts, grabbing the controller again and sitting up a bit, shirt falling back into place. Even if the outline of his dick is still clearly visible, something in the spell breaks, letting Daniel breathe again.

He can still feel his heart rabbiting in his chest, his mouth dry. His dick is hard under the sheets.

With a trembling finger, Daniel presses follow.

[theblue6ook]

Shit Interview

Summary: Y/N bombs her interview at Wayne Enterprises and has no idea what she’s going to do now. [B (23) & Y/N (21)] [Eventual slow burn with Bruce]

Pairing: Bruce Wayne x fem!reader

a/n: Well hello there. If you liked this story, it’s a part of my “Out of My League” series. There will be more to come ;)

“Get the FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!” Y/N pushes past the rows of people cluttering the sidewalks, smooshed together much like the buildings surrounding them. Each person moving at their own time and own pace… as you can see that is just not quick enough.

Her legs burned as she power-walked down 5th Avenue, moving with as much power as she could muster in her borrowed heels and wrinkled pencil skirt. The checkered blazer she was previously wearing is now bunched up in her left arm as she dodges pedestrians, businessmen, and the occasional soccer mom. Her watch is peeking at her from underneath the bunched blazer and she swears at the time: 11:32 a.m. Of course, out of all the days my car could have died, it was today.

She sighed, this was not how her morning was supposed to go. Y/N had a schedule planned down to the last minute until her beat-up Volkswagen Bus decided to play dead. Everything was planned, she thought, everything was ready.

9 a.m.: wake up and scrounge for breakfast

10 a.m.: borrow some old work clothes from Carrie’s closet to look presentable

10:30 a.m.: leave the apartment in my trashcan on wheels

10:55 a.m.: arrive 25 minutes early and go over notes

11:20 a.m.: get this interview going and pray for a job

11:50 a.m.: grab some flowers and head to the hospital with (hopefully) good news

Everything was perfect. So where did it all go wrong? Well, she was ready to leave at 10:30 a.m. and when she got in her beat-up bus… click, click, click. Dead battery with no time to replace it and no one to jump it. Could this get any worse? 

[Oh it definitely can!] 

Y/N looks up from her watch and sees Wayne Enterprises coming into view. Once she gets close enough she throws herself up the concrete steps and swings through the revolving door, checking her watch. It’s only 11:35 a.m., she would still have 15 minutes left of her interview. Not great that I’m late, but not hopeless, she thinks. She approaches the front desk and silently hopes this receptionist will take pity on her. 

Throwing her blazer on and pulling at her pencil skirt, she sheepishly says, “Hello. I have an interview with Mr.Collins, my name is Y/F/N Y/L/N.” 

The receptionist, a small woman about her age smiles and looks back at her computer, “M’kay. Let me see what I have here.” She types out Y/N’s name and scrolls through and stops when she clicks her tongue. “Oh honey, your appointment started twenty minutes ago.”

“Actually it was fifteen,” Y/N admits, “and I also called to let you know I was having issues with my car.”

“We ask each of our interviewees to arrive five minutes early… Mr.Collins will consider it twenty minutes late,” she gestured with her pen. “I’m sorry, but late attendees are not allowed to interview, it’s policy.” 

“I called though-”

“Honestly, it does not matter-”

“I just walked all the way here from the west side,” Y/N began to grow frustrated.

The receptionist sighed and gave a sympathetic look, “There are other opportunities at Wayne Enterprises. I feel for you. I want to let you up, but I can’t. Why don’t you check out some of the other opportunities here on the website? There are thousands of jobs here, you’re bound to find something.”

She steps back from the desk, heels dragging with her. She wants to say something. She can feel it on the tip of her tongue, I have looked at the website. I have submitted applications. Why would I be here in the first place if I hadn’t? She refrains, feeling frustrated and embarrassed, pulling herself past the desk and out the door. Carrie is going to ask how the interview went, she groans, squeezing the back of her hands against her eyes. Clutching at her tote she decides to trudge towards Dorthie’s Flower Shop anyways.

-

There on the corner of Nottingham and Meadow sits Dorthie’s Flower Shop. Y/N sighs, here is my fortress of solitude. The same store she busted her ass in, more than a few times. The same store she put her blood, sweat, and tears into for four years. The same people she sobbed to when her dad kicked her out. Nothing changes here, except for the flowers.

She grows slower as she walks across Meadow Street. By the time she approaches the green barred door her feet feel heavy and drag. Could it be the blistering pain from commuting in cheap heels? No. It’s the fact that John… sweet, old John Garret sits inside alone and waiting. John Garret is one of the kindest… most intrusive person Y/N has ever met. The man and his late wife Dorthie practically raised her. She didn’t want to unload her day on him, not after everything he’s done for her. He would only worry, Y/N’s doing enough of that herself.  

Stepping back from the doors, she decides to skip the flowers. It’s not like I really needed them anyway, she thinks. As she starts walking past, Y/N makes the mistake of glancing in the window… and there is John glancing up right at her. He grins brightly at her and shrugs his hand. 

Come in, she sees him mouthing. 

I really shouldn’t, she mouths back. Then he gives her that look. If she doesn’t go in he’s definitely coming outside, she bites her lip. Holding up one finger she mouths, maybe just for a minute. She nervously trips up the concrete step to get to the green doorway. That is not a good sign, she thinks. She pulls the door open with sweaty hands and hears a familiar ding! 

“Well hi there, sweetie,” John messes with his phone for a moment before setting it on the counter, giving her his full attention. “Aren’t you all dressed up?”

She leans against the “Build Your Own Bouquet” table and picks at the old green paint chips that stuck to her hand, that door really needs to be repainted. “Job interview.”

“Doesn’t sound like it went too well?” 

“Just stressful,” she forced a smile. “I came to get some flowers for Carrie.”

John raised his eyebrow but didn’t feel like playing chicken with Y/N. “How’s the poor girl’s treatment going?”

“Umm,” she muttered picking at her pencil skirt. Another topic I don’t have the energy to discuss. “It’s been hard, but she seems like she’s doing better,”

That was a big fib. Y/N almost felt bad for it, but it hasn’t been that long since John lost Dorthie and truthfully she doesn’t think he can take another hit. A year ago they all lost dear Dorthie Garrett. Five months ago they found out Carrie had colon cancer. Four months ago she started treatments. It has been an emotional bitch and all they can do is hope. In Y/N’s experience, hope just isn’t enough, but she’s trying… for Carrie.

John walked past the counter and put his hands on her shoulders, “Y/N, this is good news. Carrie is a tough girl. She will power through. She has to.” She sighed, stepping back from him and running her hands through her hair.

“Y/N, you can talk to me. I won’t break if something is going on. I just want to make sure you girls are okay.”

Turning away from him, she aimlessly wandered down a row of flowers. She toyed with the stray petals littering the shelving. “What kind of flowers says I just blew my latest job interview, but please, for the love of God, don’t die on me?” 

“Y/N!”

“John, I am at my wits end!” She whipped around to look at him, “Carrie can’t work right now, not that I would let her if she tried, and I can’t find a job for shit.”

“Y/N. You know you always have a place here.” He stated it softly, but his eyes were firm. 

Her eyes were starting to burn with frustration, “I would never put you in that position-”

“Oh my- you’ve been this stubborn since you were a little girl,” he rolled his eyes, “I know you’re reluctant to help, but I have never been reluctant to help you.”

“John-” her voice died in her throat as soon as she heard that familiar door chime. She almost took the opportunity to turn away and walk out but stopped when she noticed John had smiled. He smiled big.

“Y/N, meet the man singlehandedly keeping my business going,” He walked past her and shook the gentleman's hand. “Mr. Alfred Pennyworth.”

[jessy-the-martian-girl]

This is a story of Jessy meeting Luis for the first time. Set in the Remake-verse. ~5.4k words

Warnings: R-rated, mild description of sexual assault at early stage – groping, threats, victim blaming; nothing overly explicit, but still might be triggering, I guess? Oh, and a bit of foul language too.

Place: Paris

Time: 1998, late May or very early June; less then seven years prior to RE4 Remake events and about four month before Raccoon City

Summary: Jessy is on her French vacation. It was a gift “weekend tour” from her mother who dreamed that her daughter would “see the world” and not just roam the vicinity of the coastal town where their family settled twenty years ago after moving from Kaliningrad. That night she had a major disagreement with her potential fiancé. They broke up and Jessy stormed off into the night. And she ran into trouble. And Luis was just walking around the city after an uneasy conversation with his colleague and friend – and he just happened to turn up in the right place at the right time (by some miracle and author's whim).

Unexpected soundtrack: Vadim Uslanov - Night Rendezvous

«Stupid, but still funny trendy song» that I mentioned in the story.

Night Rendezvous

Tú que deseas mirar a otro mar Del color de la felicidad, Necesito que vengas conmigo. Que las noches de París tienen magia Noches de Acapulco, Chicasss

She must've gotten too lost in her own thoughts and hasn't noticed a pair of some guys following her... If only Jessy wasn't so unsettled by the way she was treated by someone who was considered almost her fiancé by all the relatives and acquaintances – she most certainly would've never found herself in the night streets of Paris dressed in rather tight midi skirt and a unseasonably light blouse.

At some point their sweet romantic date night went totally awry. In fact, it happened right after her gentle refusal to finally take their relationship to the next level. Jessy didn't feel like she was ready to have sex with this guy, but she almost gave in, yielding to the pressure of the stereotype: “if you've been dating for more than six months, and still haven't gone beyond hugs and kisses, then there's obviously something wrong with one of you”. And it's been ten months for them already.

She was never completely repulsed by her boyfriend's advances, even though she didn't feel ecstatic either. So Jessica didn't resist now, at the hotel room, as Eugene was trying to undress her and perform some kind of a foreplay. It was not only the lack of any desire aroused by his actions that bothered her, but a feeling of awkwardness and...

“Shame? Why am I ashamed?” Jessy gasped mentally, involuntarily pulling away from the greedy hands of her almost-fiancé.

- Please, don't... - she found her voice to say it aloud.

- What's wrong, Jay? - Eugene had quite a hard time switching from the anticipation of a pleasant evening to a not so pleasant conversation. - Come on, quit playing hard to get! Let's have some good time already!

- I'm... Not ready, - Jessica gently caught the playful hands of her potential partner and looked him straight in the eyes. - Sorry.

It was that moment that he burst with a bunch of accusations and reproaches. So Jessy quickly learned that she was a frigid pecker tease, who plays around too much, that she was trying to build herself up and that with such an attitude towards normal people she will end up as an old maid with forty cats. Eugene here, on the other side, positioned himself as a hero, a brave and selfless man who was willing to save her from such a fate – and spent almost a year of his life on that.

- I've been told that you were a weirdo, but I couldn't even imagine to what extent! - the man who initially wasn't unpleasant to Jessica at all, now seemed to have thrown off his mask, turning more and more into an ugly stranger with every vehemently spitted out word.

- You know, about that 'old maid' part – you spoke too soon as I'm only twenty two, - the brunette smiled wryly and began to fix her clothes, ignoring the further verbal jabs.

Jessy slightly adjusted her bra and blouse, pulled down her upturned and wrinkled skirt. Then she picked up her small ladies' backpack and, standing at the doorway of the hotel room, added, taking advantage of the fact that her (definitely) ex-boyfriend paused to catch his breath:

- Good luck finding the girl who would be excited enough about that gift bow on your dick to close her eyes to everything else.

Jessica didn't elaborate on that “everything” - she simply didn't want to become more like Eugene. The door softly closed behind her back and the small heels hastily clicked on the stairs indicating her retreat from the man who turned a complete stranger so fast, and from his evil sarcastic words too.

Jessy simply needed a little more time to figure out whether she really wanted to be with that man in every sense... or not. After all, she was not a prude or a devotee of «No ding-ding vithout a vedding ring!» approach. (a/n: Do you remember this film from 1993?) Besides, it was Eugene who seemed kinda strange to her, though he was not unpleasant and he didn't really try to coerce her into having sex until this night. And there also was that social pressure and her own family, stating that “everyone must be in the relationship”...

And now Jessy was genuinely glad that her mother, who presented her with this French tour, insisted on separate hotel rooms when she found out that Eugene was planning to join her girl on that short trip to Paris. Another reason for being glad was the one that started out as a mild disappointment: their check-in simply did not go according to plan. They were to stay on different floors in one hotel, but due to the heavy overbooking and some maintenance issues they were offered an option with two different hotels.

By some ridiculous coincidence there was only one single room left in every hotel available, and the staff flatly refused to put two people in such a room. Though Eugene tried to make a fuss for getting a double room or even some other options to stay closer to his girlfriend, he achieved nothing. Jessy had to calm him down and apologize on his behalf, partly out of concern that they will be shown to the door, but mostly because of her peaceful nature and her desire to resolve conflicts in the most polite way possible.

She even managed to convince Eugene that they should see the situation as an opportunity to compare living conditions in different places for their next voyage. So that they would know what to expect next time, basing on personal experience, and not some reviews from strangers on that online hotel reservation site. (a/n: Booking was online since 1996, so – why not?)

That's how they've ended up in different districts. And it was a great relief for Jessy now. Her hotel wasn't really far, at least for an experienced hiker like herself, so she just took off into the night.

She didn't even think that it wasn't the best time for a solo stroll or that in her state calling a taxi was a much better option. On her way Jessy submerged into mental conversation, trying to disprove harsh words that were thrown at her face by her ex-"fiancé".

She was really hurt by all those words, her calmness was just a mask she hardly held. And it has crumbled as soon as Jessica was one on one with herself, with only her thoughts and the night city to keep her company.

- Paris, "the city of love", they say? - she whispered and the thought has made her feel bitter, so the brunette tilted her head back a little, glancing at the night sky, partially obscured by clouds.

That simple gesture helped her to hold back tears that were coming as if by themselves, even with her realizing that their break up with Eugene was inevitable. The trip has just significantly accelerated the onset of this moment.

A gust of fresh wind gently ruffled her hair that got out of the low ponytail and caressed her burning cheeks, distracting and helping to slightly rearrange her thoughts. The same gust reminded Jess that she has left her jacket in her ex-boyfriend's room: she was so eager to get away from there, that she simply forgot about that piece of her clothing. And the girl definitely was not going back to retrieve the said jacket as she didn't want to make a false impression of "coming to her senses" and accepting all that was proposed to her.

So Jessy shook her head with a quiet sigh, wiped away the tears that spilled, and headed in the direction of her hotel — fortunately, the room key remained in her backpack.

~~~

After talking to Evie, who was flaming with righteous anger because another helpful over-the-counter drug they have developed and registered was discontinued before reaching the shelves, Luis felt an irresistible desire to clear his head. Her idea of speaking up against Umbrella was... unexpected, but still so her. Though he sincerely doubted that the idea would work out. The corporation was too powerful for a couple of ordinary researchers, even if they were declared "the best". Serra suspected that Umbrella simply will chew them up and spit them out without even really noticing any efforts to fight against it. They would be lucky if they were the only casualties – and Evie, unlike him, had a family.

When Orivia realized that she won't be able to convince her colleague and friend, she turned visibly upset. But still she stated that she understands his desire to not get involved and only asked him to keep quiet about her plans with any outsiders.

The untold “at least” was something that Luis almost felt with his skin, just like her disappointment in him that tingled unpleasantly somewhere in his chest. The crumpled and hasty goodbye only added to that feeling, but... It didn't make the young man to change his mind and plunge head-first into that dubious plan of the great confrontation.

With such a mood lingering, Serra found it a bad idea to come back to his small rental apartment right away. Instead he opted for a longer route, taking his time to feel into the ambiance of a very late Parisian evening, that was smoothly turning into the night. And because of that decision Luis has found himself at one place where he was most needed that night.

Although at first he thought that the noise he had heard from the alley was some kind of a roleplay, and he almost passed by. It was the third (male) voice with threats and a female protesting cry asking to let her go that made Luis change his mind and intervene. There was something off to the intonations of the voices that unpleasantly scratched the ear and absolutely did not fit into his first assumption about foreplay or some kind of bedroom game taken to public place. Though he was ready to apologize if he was to ruin the consensual fun for the trio.

~~~

Jessy has gotten lost, her "autopilot" hasn't worked this time. Mostly because she was too immersed in her not so positive thoughts. So when a hand landed on her shoulder, she did not have enough time to react and quickly found herself pinned against the blank wall of the alley by some guy whose breath slightly smelled of alcohol.

- Well, hello there, babe, - his voice didn't sound drunk though, it was hoarse and with a distinct note of anticipation in it. - Whatcha doin' here at such hour? Lookin' for me, aren't ya?

An excerpt from a stupid, but still funny trendy song involuntarily flashed through Jessy's mind. And it felt kinda suitable for the situation in total too, but inappropriate associations were quickly crushed by her common sense: to get out into a crowded place, if possible, was top priority.

Or at least to change the alignment and get more freedom of movement for herself, and less tension in this "free love seeker".

- It's so chilly and uncomfy here, - Jessy sincerely hoped that the tone of her voice has some resemblance to seductive or at least mildly interested one, and not terrified, as she really tried her best to keep her fear at bay. - How about we go to my place then?

- You think I'm dumb or what? - the man's voice got angrier and the grip on his victim's shoulders got even tighter. - I know those girly tricks you lot are capable of!

"Well, that definitely didn't go as planned..." - Jess slowly bit the inner part of her lip to switch her attention and not to start panicking.

She remembered how her brother and his friend had taught her the basics of self-defense and told her that showing fear to any attacker is almost always a pretty bad idea, unless it's done for deception. And now she still had two more options to try out, though both were rather gross.

Unfortunately, the lesser gross option was excluded almost immediately - by appearance of this "seeker's" pal, seemingly out of nowhere. And that option couldn't possibly work against two offenders.

- Wow, what a chick you got there, buddy. Mind sharing? - the newcomer grinned with exaggerated joy, eloquently playing with a switchblade, and added, with his eyes greedily moving over the caught girl's body. - Don't make a fuss, just please us, pretty!

- You just lured us in, dressed up like that and wandering all alone!

Two offenders went on with exchanging dirty remarks, sharing their opinions about the looks of their "prey" and fantasies about what they would do with her. And Jess froze, gritting her teeth, realizing that her body refused to perform the third and the last option she had in mind as an escape plan. She also knew that she would definitely not be able to fight off two attackers at once. Even if it was not for the knife, they were bigger and physically stronger.

And even if she could break free of the hands still firmly keeping her in place, she won't be able to run off because of not knowing where to run. Her skirt was only a mild inconvenience (a/n: “Who runs faster – a girl with her skirt up, or a man with his pants down?”), just like her low heeled sandals, but it was against her too.

The prospect of being driven into some dead end, with possible consequences to that, has made Jessy feel nauseous. The fear started to creep in despite her best efforts to remain calm.

Her breath hitched and her body stiffened under the greedy touches as one of the attackers got to her breasts and the other pulled her skirt to her waist, reaching between her legs. With the knife at her throat and a grim promise to shut her up permanently if she as much as tries anything, there was not much room left for any resistance on Jessy's behalf.

But before those creeps did anything more than groping, the brunette felt the grip on her shoulder loosening and she tried to break free, but she only got a long shallow cut on under her chin.

- No! Let go of me! - she cried out in pain and once again desperately tried to get away from her offenders, but to no avail.

The whole situation started to get really scary. Those two didn't even try to hide their faces and there was just enough light from the moon and a few street lamps for Jessy to see some rather distinctive scars and tattoos. She tried not to think of a worst case scenario with her never getting back home.

All her efforts now resulted only in a light slap in her face – more humiliating than a real punishment, like a warning of sorts, - and a hand of one of the offenders was now clutching her hair rather painfully. The girl forced herself to freeze again. She tried to breathe evenly to cope with the rising fear and disgust caused by the touch of those sweaty hands on her body. Jessy hoped that the lack of her resistance after the first — unsuccessful — attempt would make those two more at ease. And that would give her another chance to try and escape.

Suddenly, a new (and rather pleasant) voice with a slight accent was heard from the entrance to the alley, not too far from the trio:

- It looks like señorita doesn't want your – ahem – advances.

- And who the fuck are you to tell? It's none of your business.

- Get lost, scum, while you still can!

Both attackers spoke at once, too irritated by this uncalled interference – they didn't really want any witnesses. Then the guy with the knife left the victim at the hands of his accomplice and lunged towards this unexpected defender, aiming to strike at his neck. The newcomer didn't run off, but he barely dodged the first attack. It was pretty obvious that he was unaccustomed to close range combats. Luckily for him he's only gotten a shallow cut on his left cheek, and the inertia played its trick on the attacker making him stumble past his target.

- ¡Mierda! - the young man cursed, hastily wiping away the drawn blood.

He had to step aside to avoid the next attack of his opponent, and then he noticed out of the corner of his eye that the girl seemingly unfroze. She shifted her feet and, twisting, swiftly moved her knee into the crotch of that would-be rapist still holding her.

That bastard howled in pain and let go of the girl, clutching his hurt and the most precious part of the body instead. His pal got distracted by those screams and that left him open to a counterattack. It was an opportunity that Luis (and – yes, it was him) didn't miss. He blocked the hand with the knife and punched the aggressor in the nose with the base of the open palm. And finally, he wholeheartedly stomped the heel of his boot on the rise of that bastard's foot.

Luis knew that such blows did not need much force, but tend to hurt like hell and usually cause a lot of blood. And seeing stars actively prevents anyone from running somewhere or after someone. Adding a fracture of the metatarsal to the picture does not contribute much to ability of running fast too. And Luis also was aware of how not to hit if there was no intention to kill another. Even with the fact that self-defense was legitimate, it would not be pleasant to be held responsible for disproportionate response. As well as to go through the trouble of proving the legality of one's own actions and the absence of "provocation" on your own part.

Anyway, after disabling an overzealous knife lover, Serra quickly moved towards the damsel he was rescuing, grabbed her hand and commanded:

- Run!

Jessy just nodded curtly, hoping desperately that she wouldn't twist her ankle. After all, her sandals were more of a compromise between "pretty" and "comfortable", therefore, not too suitable for running. Nevertheless, she once again pulled her skirt higher with her free hand, briefly appreciating the lack of any comments on the view of her knees (even if there still was an eloquent look at said view). And then she trusted her unexpected savior, her brave knight, to lead the way.

~~~

Luis was pretty familiar with the city. It has become his personal "thing" to carefully study the territory where he would be staying for quite a long time - and his contract assumed that his affiliation with the 6th Laboratory would be quite long. Unless he pays off the grant provided to him for his study by Umbrella. Anyway, thanks to that knowledge of the location, he was now leading the victim of assault to a safer place, winding through narrow streets along a route known only to him.

When he made sure that the chase was not breathing down their necks any longer, Luis slowed down and took a careful look at the girl he rescued. Her youth was obvious - and it was highly unlikely that she was older than himself. (a/n.: oh, but she was older, for a year and three weeks, darling 🤭 they're 21 (Luis) and 22 (Jessy))

Despite what she's just been through, this dark-haired girl remained outwardly calm. She wasn't crying or trying to throw herself on her savior. The only things that betrayed her current state were her icy fingers that still clutched Luis' hand and noticeably trembling shoulders.

They've finally stopped near some bridge. Serra involuntarily rubbed his left cheek with his free hand and hissed at the unpleasant sensations. He completely forgot about the cut he had gotten earlier.

- I have peroxide in my backpack, - the stranger's voice also trembled a little. - But only that and some cotton pads, unfortunately.

- That's quite enough, - Luis smiled carefully, mindful of the cut this time, and with a half bow waved his hand towards the parapet of the bridge where lighting was better. - Would you please do me the honor, mi bella señorita?

- How could I refuse to help such a brave knight? - girl's uncertain smile showed that she did appreciate his attempt at chivalry.

The brunette soaked a few cotton pads with peroxide and carefully blotted the cut on Luis' cheek, washing off partially dried blood. Her touch was really soft and gentle. Her expression quickly turned to one of concentration.

- The cut is rather shallow, but it still may leave a scar...

Luis barely kept from grimacing as the wound began to tingle. To distract himself from the sensations, he turned his attention to studying the face of the girl he rescued. Soft lines, a small furrow in her brows, dark hair pulled into low ponytail with a few loose strands, her eyes that seemed almost brown under the rather dim light... And then Serra saw the cut on his rescuee's face.

- Looks like you could use some first aid too, - he gently touched her chin near the cut, and showed the blood remaining on his fingertips. - May I?

- Vot kozly, - judging by the tone, the girl definitely swore in a language unfamiliar to him, but that was all, as she fell back into the role of a fair lady right away. - If it's not too much trouble for you, my knight in shining armor.

Quite by chance they also discovered some leftovers of the medical tape in the girl's backpack, and she offered Luis a makeshift band-aid for his cut. He refused, saying that “the scratch” didn't need that much attention. Instead they've used this idea to dress a cut on the girl's chin and neck. During the procedure Serra only marveled at the girl's spirit: there were no hysterics about ruined looks, no real attempts to pull away from his hands. She was not even complaining about some bloodstains on her light blouse. The girl just grimaced with light annoyance upon noticing that fact and waved it off as something absolutely insignificant.

After returning the favor, Luis found himself still wanting to do something nice for this stranger.

- How about a short tour of the night city to smooth out the negative impression? - he suggested all of a sudden, and recited slightly rephrased line from a recent song that stuck with him. - Que las noches de París tienen magia...

And Jessy agreed, to her own surprise. She didn't feel threatened by this new acquaintance and metaphorical ants in her pants were in combined effect with the adrenaline rush after their recent run, making her itchy for some action. In addition, Jessica was well aware of how her brain works and that if she was back in the safety of her hotel room all by herself this soon, she could have a nasty emotional breakdown.

It would be quite understandable, considering all the events of this day, but it wasn't something the girl was really looking forward to. And an interesting walk could help with preventing such extensive reaction.

Meanwhile her hero took off his jacket without any hesitation or words, and draped it around the girl's shoulders. It surprised her - Eugene has never been so considerate, instead he was more likely to lecture her on how she should have thought in advance and dress accordingly to the weather.

Such gesture from the man she has just met was something new in her picture, and Jessy simply accepted this unexpected care. Especially when the brunette realized that she's still shivering because of the chilliness of the night and the stress.

The jacket was a little oversized for Jessy, with sleeves just a bit too long. It slightly smelled of cigarettes and still kept the warmth of another body. The girl slipped her arms into the sleeves, carefully wrapping herself into the jacket to preserve the lingering warmth.

The short tour turned out quite long... And extraordinary too.

At first, Jessy was still somewhat wary of her self-proclaimed tour guide, ready to bolt if he suddenly went out of boundaries and tried to do something inappropriate. But he behaved decently: he kept his hands to himself, did not make lewd comments or suggestions, and, of course, he did not try to drag her into dark alleys — and the girl finally relaxed.

By silent agreement, they did not ask or give names - simply sticking with "sir knight" and "mi bella señorita" instead. Luis was showing his companion still wrapped in his jacket those places that he himself has got interested in over his exploration of this city - either by history or aesthetics. And most of those were not to be found in any of the tourist guides. And Jessica didn't just listen to his stories with keen interest, but asked questions too. Sometimes she even could add something of her own - some small details that Serra didn't know about yet. Even if it was the "I've read somewhere/I've heard" kind of details.

Yet the most striking thing for both of them was the feeling that they seemed to be "on the same wavelength" - and saw the world around them in the pretty similar light. There was no need to explain any jokes or occasional associations, or to frantically try to fill the silence. Because even silence didn't feel strained, it was more on the comfy and appropriate side. No one in their right mind would expected such a match from two strangers brought together by mere luck and a chain of events.

The lights of the Eiffel Tower had long since gone out when they came to a small cozy cafe that was still working that late. Luis, after brief consideration, invited his fair lady for a late snack.

- Just so you know, their profiteroles taste the best, and there's a nice variety of fillings too, - the Spaniard almost whispered that with a conspiratorial smile, leaning closer to the girl's ear. - My treat.

Jessy, of course, hesitated and even felt a little embarrassed, but the temptation outweighed, pushed by her curiosity and hunger. Besides, she suspected that in the time remaining from her trip, she simply would not be able to find this place on her own. And she did not sense any dangerous or inappropriate subtext, as if the treat was to come only with some conditions. Besides it was nice to feel like a "beautiful lady" who is being courted by such a pleasant gentleman, even if it was only for a while. It turned out to be the best cure for everything that fell on her that night, starting with a rude breakup.

And after either a late dinner or a very early breakfast (which was not only delicious, but rather pleasant), this gray-eyed knight escorted Jessica to her hotel, where they have said their goodbyes.

- Thanks... For everything, - Jessy suddenly took a step back and tried to perform a curtsy.

The move turned out rather clumsy, and with her tight midi skirt it looked somewhat strange, but it still fell right into the mood of their unusual meeting-excursion.

- At your service, - the Spaniard flashed her a genuine smile, and, also trying to maintain the overall mood of the night, planted an old-fashioned kiss on the hand of his bella señorita.

After that the girl, with a shy and grateful smile, returned the jacket to her brave knight and went into the hotel. And Luis went to his rented apartment, which by a strange coincidence turned out to be not too far from there. He still hoped to catch a couple of hours of sleep before his day starts.

But he already had a plan in mind: to try and arrange another meeting with this girl next evening. Just to make it more modern, with proper introductions. She intrigued him – including with how easily and smoothly she had picked up his game of a noble knight and a fair lady.

Unfortunately this plan didn't get a chance to come true as first thing after Serra got to the Lab in the morning was an unpleasant surprise. It was an order for his transfer to a group of scientists directly involved with the Nemesis project. As Luis was reading through the documentation he now had access to, he felt growing panic and nausea rising in his throat. Everything that was supposed to be a mean to find a cure for their local “madness” had been distorted and was about to be put into production of bioweapons.

Serra only hoped that his face didn't betray the way he really felt about this project. He had that sinking feeling that if he was to express his disagreement openly, he would never leave this lab complex again. Luis had a few moments of silently questioning Umbrella's true motives before – as he was no fool. When he was only a researcher it was much easier to come to terms with his own conscience. Or to turn a blind eye on how the results of his research could be really used. And his scientific curiosity took the best of him at times, of course, but the prospect of direct involvement with the bioweapon production was the literal last straw for him.

Having somehow worked through the day, and discreetly slipped several significant errors into his data, the Spaniard returned to the rental apartment. He quickly collected the essentials for his escape and in a few hours went to hitch a ride out of town. From there Serra had a long, presumably dangerous and not always comfortable journey ahead of him. He knew he had to find a place where the hands of this corporation would not reach him. Some place safe to lay low. Perhaps he'd even... have to go back to where he fled several years ago: to the ashes left from his grandfather’s house. At that moment, he totally forgot both about the necessity to work a few more years for Umbrella, and his plan to try and meet that girl again.

Although when he finally remembered about the plan, he realized that he was rather glad that his name remained unknown and that they did not show up with that señorita anywhere to be seen by many people or surveillance cameras.

“At least there’s less chance that Umbrella will find her and try to use her somehow, - Luis tried to comfort himself as a random car was driving him towards the next point of destination. - And our disagreement with Evie comes in handy too. Now they won’t suspect her. And I’ll just try to vanish from their sight. My only regret now is that the main database could not have been compromised..."

~~~

And at the same time Jessy was already packing. She got lucky enough to exchange her ticket for an earlier flight as she really didn’t look forward to endure the company of her ex-boyfriend on her way back. The girl slightly regretted that she has never asked the name of her brave knight in shining armor, who showed her a rather interesting side of Paris. She definitely wouldn't mind meeting with him again or getting to know him better.

For now the brunette was preparing for the storm: she knew that she would have to fight off collective lectures about her breakup with Eugene, including “how could you miss such a guy” and “you'd better set your standards lower” statements among everything else.

But Jessy also knew that the memories of the second part of the last night would be enough moral support for her not to succumb to this social pressure anymore. That amazing state of being “on the same wavelength” with a person was unconditionally accepted as the “minimum standard” of a closer relationship for her.

Even if it meant that she would indeed remain an old maid with a bunch of cats.

07/27/2024

[tethrras]

📚 BOOKS / 💘 HEART WITH ARROW / 🤓 SMILING FACE WITH GLASSES for lavinia, please!

📚 BOOKS — what level of education has your oc most recently completed/is currently in (GED, undergraduate, grad school, phd, etc)?

being from a noble family, i think lavinia had a tutor growing up that taught her and probably her siblings as well history, politics, etc etc. i don't know if she was necessarily the best student? i think she has a Lot of difficulty sitting down and listening to things she might not have WANTED to be listening to for extended periods of time. she really loves sharing ideas and if she just had to shut up and listen to something she would definitely have been the girl who doodled horses in the corner of her paper. i think she probably ended up getting a different tutor in her older years who would actually engage in philosophical debate adn conversation with her, which was good because she is a person who is VERY loyal to her beliefs and could always use a different perspective, esp if it's something that she isn't actually that passionate about LMAO. so yeah she def was tutored up into her late teens, maybe early twenties, before she became a guard and underwent guard training!

💘 HEART WITH ARROW — what and/or who do(es) your oc consider the most important to them?

her siblings (who are still alive), ivan and laurel, are very important to her. even though she doesn't really get along with either of them, they're still family and she knows they would come to bat for her even if they'd rather not or they held a grudge against her for it. her other siblings, namepending 1 and namepending 2, are also important to her, but they are dead. also her parents, cassandra, vivienne, leliana, cullen, blackwall, dorian... but varric comes first because that's wifey

🤓 SMILING FACE WITH GLASSES — is your oc chatty or quiet? are they at ease in social situations, or are they more shy?

so yeah i think earlier i mentioned that she likes to engage in conversation with people but she's also happy to do her own thing. she would be GREAT at parallel play lol, she grew up the youngest of 5 in a huge house with a bunch of servants and aforementioned tutors and then living in the barracks for a while, so she's just used to having people around and feels weird when she's alone unless she's upset or feels badly about herself. when around people, i'd say she is equal parts quiet and chatty though, sometimes she likes to just listen (or zone out lol) and sometimes she likes to chat and get to know people better and lowkey spread the word of the maker JUST A LITTLE BIT!!! A LITTLE TINY BIT!!! and in a subtle way!!! but yeah i think she feels quite at ease in social situations, i think growing up again as the youngest of 5 that she learned to really lessen her base level embarrassment so she's okay with looking dumb or asking stupid questions. i think she would only be uncomfortable in social situations if people were talking about things she STRONGLY agreed with

oc emoji asks

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Weird question for you. It's the wine talking, sorry :)

If you could make a movie of your LotR fics, which actors would you cast? I know you'll keep Brad Dourif as Grima - would you change anyone else? Still go with Viggo for Aragorn, Sean for Boromir etc?

Also, if there was flashback scenes that included Theodred, who would you use for that role? Movie guy had like, two scenes, and we barely got to see his face.

Always a hard question!

I mean, if we're talking about the actors as they are today I suppose Brad's age of 73 would actually align better with what Tolkien had in mind when he wrote Grima (described as: "a wizened figure of a man with a pale, wise face and heavy-lidded eyes"), rather than middle-aged Brad from the early 2000s ;)

For modern actors, I've no idea who I would choose for Grima. Someone suitably weird looking. Not off-puttingly vile, but just disconcerting. He'd need a proper snake-vibe. I like him having certain animal-esque/evil fey-ish qualities, but they need to be done right.

Also he can't be sexy. No Loki-isn't-traditionally-handsome-in-a-greek-statue-sort-of-way-but-he's-still-unquestionably-good-looking bullshit. None of that. He needs to be disconcerting and weird.

Oh I would keep Grima having dark eyes, as they're described in the book. Because I think it adds a nice level of spookiness to him just having eerily dark inkwells as iris'.

Grima needs to look like he's reading your mind (and possibly stripping you, but not in a sexy way) with his eyeballs.

I have issues with how Peter Jackson chose to portray Grima, because the approach doesn't really make sense for the character and the position he occupies in the King's court, but I did appreciate that he wasn't sexy and that needs to be maintained.

As for everyone else? Honestly, I'd likely redo the entire cast. Some of it is for racial diversity reasons (Aragorn, Legolas, Elrond, maybe Boromir etc.) and others is just down to my thinking other people would be a better fit (Eomer, Eowyn, Arwen, Boromir again, Gimli etc.)

I feel like Dev Patel would need to be in it. Maybe as Legolas.

-

I think it's easier to do this by people I'd keep/invent time travel and/or necromancy-that-works to have their early 2000s selves reprise the role:

Bernard Hill - Theoden

Ian Holm - Bilbo

Cate Blanchette - Galadriel

Ian McKellen - Gandalf

Christopher Lee - Saruman

I'm 50/50 on the hobbits and their actors, all of whom I like, but I feel that there are better fits for them? Also, again, we can have more diversity.

-

There absolutely would be flashbacks with Theodred and I would pick someone more appropriate age wise since he's in his 40s, like Boromir, and whoever they had in the movies was too young.

There'd be some fun scenes of Theodred being like: I don't need to marry, I'm still young, there's plenty of time for heirs and spares. Then Grima just stares into the camera like he's on the office. Holds up a chart that shows the growth of Sauron's power. Theodred is like "eh, it's fine."

In another deep flashback scene:

Grima saddles up to Eomer: Have you thought about marriage yet?

Eomer: I'm twenty-two.

Grima: You say that like it matters? Your cousin isn't being helpful and the House of Eorl doesn't make many children, on the whole, and you all drop like flies in your thirties due to being way too adrenaline addicted and prone to poor life choices. Someone. Needs. To. Make. An. Heir.

Eomer: There's plenty of time.

Cue five years later:

Grima: Theodred's dead. So sad. May Middle Earth's smallest violin play at his wake.

Eomer: I'm. hmmm. Yes. Ok, I see what you meant five years ago about us all dropping like flies in our prime.

Grima: Your father going off with too few men to fight a bunch of orcs didn't clue you in to this tendency? Literally. Your entire family's history? Just. Somehow. Didn't clue you in? But never mind, so sad, too late now though. Quick, go fight some orcs.

Eomer squints at him suspiciously.

Grima does finger guns and walks away.

-

I always end up having these things turn absurdly comedic.

anyway - not sure this was helpful! I've no idea who I would cast save that it'd be a major revamp.

thank you! <3 <3

[dirty-urie]

Diamonds and Daggers: a Ramble

This is a mess I don’t know what to tell you

First of all, I’m obviously interpreting most of the this song as literally sexual. Yes, it has deeper meanings, but i really don’t think it’s a straight up metaphor for getting fucked over by the music industry the whole time. I’m interpreting it like this because I’m horny! But also because I think it does Brendon a disservice to ignore what he’s explicitly (…very …explicitly) trying to communicate with the lyrics at face value. This song, I believe, was written for PFTW, that album is a love letter to vegas, reflecting on his youth from a place of success. A significant part of his Vegas youth and early success was his sex life. Obviously 😂 I have a whole blog about his sex life. So there’s some truth to it. Also, Brendon has always been very autobiographical in his writing, so I wouldn’t he surprised if almost everything comes from a place of real life experience, even if his main purpose is to communicate the punishing, addictive nature of his career.

Anyway. This is a bad time to tell you guys I’ve always had a slight masquerade mask kink 😂 they just make people hotter. I’ve started appreciating the emotional intimacy intimacy side of sex so so much more in the last year and a half or so as I’ve been unpacking trauma and forming strong bonds with who I’m attracted to, but fuck if the thought of having a no-holds-barred all night fuckfest with a mysterious stranger doesn’t sound pretty appealing 😂 especially a man even though I generally fantasize about women. Maybe it’s because men are already sub-human to me, so a faceless jacked sex slave to wordlessly do my bidding sounds perfect (THATS A JOKE DONT CANCEL ME)

(He’s a baby in this gif and therefore unsexy but you get the picture)

This song is what I envision when I think of early-to-mid-twenties Brendon on sexy Vegas romps (and the overly sexualized picture of Vegas in general… not just the sad expensive dusty desert town it normally is in reality. I mean, it’s fun, but normally not sexy sexy like you would wish it was.) Debauchery and anonymity and eagerness certainly. Beyond the physical setting of Vegas, I feel like d&d (unfortunate abbreviation), calls on some of his early touring days. A blur of substances and hotel rooms and more substances and sensations pretty people he’ll never see again in a good way. I love the submission and masochism, first of all because it’s so so so Brendon, but also because it depicts his… I’m not sure the right wording. Lack of maturity? Inexperience? Naivety of the time? Maybe self-doubt? It’s not quiiiiiite immaturity in the way But It’s Better depicts immaturity (shitty cocktails and naively believing you can find emotional fulfillment in meaningless sex. While there’s some sense of sex and booze dulling the pain, it’s different somehow. Less overt? Maybe it’s the ever-present sense of self-satisfaction, even when he wakes up alone in an alley, he’s still thinking of the taste of her. I think a lot of it could be that this song was looking back on naivety while BIBIYD was written during a place of strong naivety still. The boys had likely never actually been to a strip club at the time nor formed serious connections with sexual partners.) I mainly get a sense of deference to his partners as he’s assuming they’re older and/or more experienced and can show him the best way to a good time. In addition, the concept of novelty comes into play too there. If he lets a bunch of different people show him the way, he’ll learn a bunch more than if he’s leading them. I also love the line “I thought I’d seen it all ’til you dropped me to my knees”, mainly because it’s hot, but also because it really captures the awe and inexperienced naivety of young, exploratory sex. “You’re telling me there’s more?! 🫦🤤” Plus the “tell-tale heart” line tells me he was probably putting on a facade of confidence while nervous and/or embarrassingly excited deep down, which is another hint at immaturity and inexperience. It’s possible the heart mention is meant to imply more yearning for a deeper connection beyond the sex, but idk. It’s a demo so I’m not going to look too deeply into the lyrics themselves as they could just be drafts and placeholders without muchhhh meaning. It could also be a more tasteful way to bring up arousal. The words “tell-tale” make me think of him trying to play things aloof with a woman or other partner while obviously achingly hard. I’m sure there’s a connection to the Poe poem (the poe-m if you will), but I don’t know if it goes deeper than wordplay with the title.

B’s verified comment on But it’s better. Also the stripping story is wild and a little sad but I digress

I’ve always loved the juxtaposition of seedy shit (I’ve been fucked in many a shitty motel and apartment, and I have the most messed up nostalgia and romanticization of that time) and a classy facade, which I feel like the song really encapsulates. The black tie almost-eyes-wide-shut-esque orgy/S&M sex club, the velvet rope, waking up stumbling and fucked well, even the iconic “silk tie tourniquet” alluding to shooting up using nice clothes hbjjjsjsjk (I’m a recovering addict for those who don’t know and drug imagery+sex either makes me really horny because it’s double appealing or I go into a full blown panic attack because extremely iffy consent 😂 a fun Russian roulette game I play. But this imagery is appealing). Basically nice clothes scattered across the floor while debauchery takes place (I have a formal wear kink also if that wasn’t clear).

I’m obsessed with the hunger and desperation. We always knew Brendon to be a horny bastard, especially teens (ew I know) through late twenties. He still desires and enjoys sex now of course of course. But it’s slower, more about relishing emotions and forging emotional intimacy (for example, MOAB’s make-up/break-up sex depicted the emotional effect of sex on a relationship, the yearning to be physically close to make up for everything else. Sugar Soaker is playful moans and flirty teasing, probably drawing at least some inspiration from Sarah and his sex with her. But both songs certainly take sex… not for granted, but not as something he thinks he needs more than oxygen.) this song however. It’s a visceral biological NEED and that’s clear. It’s not making love, it’s fucking… hard (I did not mean to reference 50 shades 😂 but I realized I was as I was typing.) “wanna taste it all,” “beg and crawl,” “til I choke,” “starvin’”. Even as he’s fucking, its never enough: “louder, faster.” (I wonder if that’s his request or his partners’ for him. I assume he’s often the one penetrating [certainly not always. Pegging, fingering, etc. Not my thing but you do you. He says he’s never had penetrative sex with a man and I believe that just because why would he lie when he’s told us so much about his sex life already?], so it makes more sense coming from a partner he’s fucking. but could be a request coming from him during a blow/handjob, being ridden, impact play, aforementioned buttstuff, grinding, so it’s certainly not a given. I like the ambiguity, plays into the vibe of sex coming from everywhere and surrounding his life. Maybe he doesn’t even know who’s begging, just knows everyone fucking needs it. Maybe two people are fucking next to him and they’re requesting more, who knows? Not them and not me 😂) It also shows Brendon eager to please which I love. Lots of oral talk. That makes it clear that he’s desperate for more than just a quick orgasm despite the frenzy. He wants the new sensations, the skin-on-skin fervor, the satisfying moans of pleasure as you make someone come hard on your face (i miss eating pussy 😭😭😭😭😭😭) I feel like baby Brendon and modern Brendon fuck for the same length of time, the main difference is just that baby Brendon comes at least twice and sometimes early on, and elderly Brendon comes once at the very end when Sarah is tapped out and quivering and the sheets are soaked and fuck I’m going to come, someone sit on my face. My mouth is watering. It’s like baby Brendon is rushing to have more sex as he’s already deep into someone’s cunt. Nothing is ever quite enough. Like shoveling your face at a buffet even though you’re surrounded by food.

BAHAHAHAHA how did he say this with a straight-face

There’s definitely some slight hyperbole. While I’m sure he did attend orgies and get fucked hard against walls, there’s omission of the real-life awkward moments and human connection. It’s a high-light reel. Even the waking up in an alley moments are glamorized somehow. Like, he had bad haircuts and rotted on filthy tour buses and jerked off alone to shitty porn and had awkward embarrassing moments too back then. It wasn’t all underground sex parties. But I’m sure, especially in retrospect, some times just felt like a blur of bodies. It reminds me of hey look ma a bit, especially the music video, just going as hard as you can until you break down

While, again, I’m not analyzing anything too too deep (mostly I’m too sleepy and horny and a little sad tonight to be doing anything with my brain), I do want to touch on the phrase “Diamonds and Daggers” itself because it’s the title. It does kind of sound like words Brendon thought sounded good together and used as a place holder without much meaning, but I think at the very least, he’s talking about a carrot and stick type thing. He wants the good and the bad equally, pain with pleasure. This sort of plays into the idea of getting off on the very idea of depravity and sin so he wants it all. Also of course, it’s a metaphor for the music industry. I know I’m taking these lyrics very seriously and I appreciate the double entendres but I’m sorry, I’ve heard about his love-hate relationship with his job a billion times. I haven’t heard him getting strapped to walls a billion times. Fuck me 🤤 Also im autistic so literal meanings are easier for me 😂

There’s something about this song that is exactly what I’ve been wanting. It has the Vegas vibes that are a little deeper than just TWTLTRTD (which leaves a lot to the imagination but nothing is explicit. Calling himself a libertine, letting us imagine the sordid details of a casual affair, a FWB situation with Ms. Jackson, ggb about a threesome, partying in Vegas lights, a desperate hooked feeling about a person in nicotine, an obviously partially physical love affair throughout collarfull.) The lyrics to the original Vegas Lights sort of scratched the itch as they were more explicit but they were still more about generally being young in a party town. D&d has more art to it than MOAB or Sugar Soaker, which, while songs about sex, are kind of “I FUCKING LOVE HAVING SEX WITH MY WIFE IM SO FUCKING FAMOUSSSS” (Sugar Soaker sounds like a demo to me. I’m dead serious. I like it, but you can hear Viola’s influence and I don’t love him.) Honestly, as much as Panic! Is a sexy band who sings (sang 🥲) about sex, it’s normally in the context of an affair or relationship or shrouded in deeper meanings about the music industry or the nature of relationships. While this song certainly has that, it’s less annoying about it 😂 and like, the lyrics themselves are arousing I guess. That’s what it boils down to. While I might get aroused listening to casual affair and imagining him fucking me in secret while we sneak around, none of the lyrics themselves make me wet and desperate. These are different. And while I’m sure the initial thrill will wear off, it’s still a different effect than his slightly subtler songs

I wonder why this one was scrapped and adapted into Roarin 20’s (and I’m sure influenced other songs. Like hey ma.) I mean, it’s possible and likely this was always just a demo for him to capture the PFTW thematic and auditory vibe of reflecting on his wilder Vegas youth, and would never ever ever move beyond this anyway in the form of a song. But still, he wrote this sexy song for a reason. Could have been he was feeling nostalgic and horny but a reason nonetheless. He went as far as to record it, I do wonder if he wanted to make an explicitly sexy song for that album. I mean, it does fit well with the hedonism and music industry critique and pain and pleasure of pftw. But maybe he had to tone it down by label request or he didn’t want to feel to exposed (a good call considering a few atrocious fans during that tour) or maaaaaaybe even Sarah but I doubt it. She respects his art to the point that I don’t think she’d intervene unless it was explicit detail that obviously pertained to her (maybe why sugar soaker was toned down, but again, I think that’s just viola’s vibe). Or he just didn’t love it? I like that we’re getting it in demo form only personally. I’ve always sort of had issues with some of Brendon’s production and it’s easier to just say “it’s a demo, it’s going to sound a little bit shitty” than “THIS COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER AGH 😭😭😭” plus it’s more intimate. I wouldn’t exactly want to see him sing this live (well maybe once but that’s just to see his face and body as he sings it. But not every night.) and while I’d like a music video because I can see this song SO CLEARLY in my mind 😂 there isn’t one that would satisfy me short of straight up porn (and then I wouldn’t like it still because of the ethical ramifications so 😂 maybe if it was simulated sex with a qualified intimacy coordinator and also we get to see his actual naked body including his cock then I’d be happy enough. But still nothing he could put on YouTube.)

But speaking of a music video, I do want to translate it into another medium. Maybe a fic? Especially if it was a bunch of tiny vignettes and less of a traditional fic. Or maybe just more inspiration for my longer form fic. I can’t really draw but I could trace certain elements into cohesive visuals or try painting. I would consider commissioning an artist but I’m poor, and again, I see this so clearly in my head. So I’m worried an artist would butcher my mental image.

To conclude (for now), a list of lyrics that made me dizzy in a good way in no particular order (it may just be all of it lol):

Strapped to the wall

Louder, faster

You dropped me on my knees (SO GOOD FUCK)

Pull me back into the black-tie masquerade

One hundred perfect bodies, zero names

Evening gowns and eye holes, no taboos

I wanna taste it all

Could move it to the mattress if you want (mmmm submissive man, tumbling into bed together, yes 🫦)

The taste of you that’s left inside my mouth

Lock me up and keep your name under my tongue (it’s a shame this one never made it into any real panic songs. It’s clever enough and it works well with a lot of Brendon’s ideas. Codependency, addiction, more about the music industry.)

[neverwritewhatyouknow]

This is the Anon that sent in the ask with the rambling and I got bored and decided to send in an ask on the other issues I have with the casting, although some of them are trivial and nowhere near the level of casting Nora with a non Jewish actress.

First is the age/appearance of the actors playing Alex and Henry. Part of RWRB is that these characters are so young. Alex is 22 and Henry is 23. Alex's future aspirations are shaken up because he is choosing Henry. He just got out of college, just started to work towards his ambition of becoming the youngest senator and that got side railed because of Henry. His character is based on his youth - he was barely out of high school when his mom ran for president. He hasn't got the time to explore himself outside of politics, his arc in the story is to learn how to slow down, to not burn himself with his ambition. Henry is finishing up his gap year, and he is likely going to be pushed to join the military. And he doesn't want that but he learns to fight for himself by being with Alex. Your early twenties is when you truly start to come into your independence and aging them up takes away from that and that whole feeling in the book. Also if the characters are being aged up, Alex saying, "America, he is my choice," hits different in the mid to late twenties when many people are getting engaged/married than it does in the early twenties. But if they aren't aging them up, then why are they casting people who look in their late twenties? Like they do not look young. Basically, aging the characters up diminishes their arcs in the books and if they aren't aging them up, then why cast people who look older than the age range they are playing? Second, is the fact that Shaan Srivastava is still the equerry for Henry. Like I get it was all diversity, and RWRB (Book) is diverse but CMQ didn't always go about it in the right way, the most (in my opinion) egregious example of is Shaan. Shaan is Indian. And he is working at the beck and call of the British Monarchy, the same British Monarchy that colonized India. Like I've seen all "He's doing it for Henry!" And Henry is still apart of the monarchy. I don't care how blorbo he is. Yes, the monarchy was causing Henry pain. He is still a member of the monarchy and he still does benefit from it. And what about Shaan? What are his feelings on serving a monarchy that colonized his ancestors, still in living memory? How does his family feel about it? He is a very minimal character outside of Henry and Zahra and like I get the need for diverse rep but also do it right and don't include negative connotations if you aren't going to address them. It isn't right to include an Indian character serving the British Monarchy and just leave it at that. I was hoping that the movie will fix this by maybe not making Henry's equerry Indian, but alas they kept Shaan. Just hoping they expand on him and his very likely inner conflict, but I highly highly doubt that.

Welcome back!

Yeah, I’m with you on the ages thing. It was something that was bugging me since the start, but I think I have a theory about it all now.

They weren’t looking for the best actors for the roles, they knew who they wanted and they got them. It just so happens that the actors they hired work well together. Taylor was coming off his The Kissing Booth high, Nick was working on a whole bunch of stuff at the time, Rachel was going off of her Love Victor high and about to go onto more, every single actor in this movie is famous and has been for years. They knew who they wanted and didn’t care about the age.

Like, I read somewhere that they auditioned Alexs and Henrys for hundreds of hours. Something like that. Bullshit. There’s no way. They had at most 3-5 actors for Alex or Henry, and had them audition. If they auditioned hundreds of people, do you really think they would’ve ended up with two already massive actors? Nope.

There was a movie that came out a few years ago where they had an open call, meaning anyone could audition via self-tape. They must have gotten hundreds or thousands of tapes. But the writer and director of the movie tweeted who they wanted. They openly said that they wanted a certain actress. Lo and behold, guess who was cast in the movie? This happens all the time, they know who they want and they get them. That’s what happened here too, but minus the open call, RWRB didn’t have one.

In the actual movie I doubt they aged up the characters at all. People over 18 play under 18 all the time, and even when it’s noticeable they don’t age them up, so it won’t happen here either (at least that’s what I’m thinking). But they’ve also done a lot of different stuff, so I wouldn’t be shocked if the ages were adjusted to 24/25, something a little closer to… 30.

They could’ve found actors at age (or at least looking at age), but they didn’t. I will say though, that I think the actress playing Bea is close if not exactly the right age (correct me on that), and I’d say Rachel looks the closest to 23. She has a very youthful face. She’s not Jewish, so still not good casting, but at least she doesn’t scream “I’M TOO OLD!” I can go either way on Nick, sometimes he doesn’t seem too old, other times I think he’s definitely looking more mid-20s. But they all hold themselves with so much maturity, that it makes them all that much older

And Casey’s argument when people fired back about the ages was so dumb, they were like “Excuse you? 28 is old?!! Wow. Ageist!” (Not in those exact words, but with that attitude), and it’s like, no, that’s not old… But it is when you’re trying to pass for 22. Sometimes you just don’t look 22, that’s okay, find someone who does.

I don’t know a lot about British colonialism besides the basics, so I wasn’t immediately hit with seeing anything wrong with Shaan as Henry’s equerry, since the UK has a large Indian population and it’s bound to happen. It reminds me of a scene from The West Wing where they hired a young Black man to be the President’s bodyman (where he follows the President, holds doors, gets paperwork, basically a super super senior aide to him) and they worried it would look bad since the president was white. But they were like “Are you gonna treat him well? Pay him a good salary?” And everything was okay. So to me, personally, I did realize anything was weird about Henry’s arrangement.

BUT that said, the reason that Shaan is Indian in the book is because Casey was playing fill-in-the-blank with races, ethnicities, genders, and sexualities. We can enjoy how diverse it is while also admitting that Casey did it all very deliberately so we’d talk about how diverse it all is. For that reason, it does ick me. I’m happy to learn more about this, it’s not something I know an immense amount about. But yeah, I can guarantee you they will not touch anything remotely close to his life or job beyond what is needed in the movie.

[randomvarious]

1990s Hip Hop Playlist

Welp, the 50th anniversary of hip hop completely passed me by over the summer, and I didn't end up saying a single thing about it here, even though hip hop really was my first true music love. So, to make up for it, I've got a bunch of hip hop playlists on the way, starting with this massive update to my 90s one, which adds twenty new songs. The original iterations of this thing were backloaded with late 90s stuff, but now, with this update, I've managed to frontload it with a bunch of early and mid-90s stuff too. So, let's dig in!

Every single song in this update can be found on a quadruple-disc compilation called The Best Rap Album of All Time, which was put out in 1999 by budget UK label Dressed to Kill. It's a superb collection that spans from the late 70s through mid-90s, and comes with some unmistakable classics, but its 90s fare consists of a bunch of underheard and forgotten gems. And those gems seem to be derived from a couple different sources: one, a super overlooked scene that Americans don't know anything about called Britcore that emerged during the late 80s in the UK underground, and saw people (mostly guys) spitting raw, hardcore raps over seriously banging breakbeats; and two, the catalogue of the great, New York-based Profile Records, who put out some fantastic rap tunes during their tenure.

So, first the Britcore. I added a bunch, but Da Hoodzmen's back-to-back tracks, "The Rhyme Ripper" and "Runnin' Rampant," are probably my favorites here. This totally obscure group is actually originally from Orlando, Florida, but their lone release was a 1993 12-inch that was only put out in the UK, on one of the country's top hip hop labels, Music of Life, and it really suited that whole boom-bappin', old school Britcore sound to a T. "Rhyme Ripper" has almost 12,000 Spotify plays and "Runnin' Rampant" has about 3,200. And obviously, they deserve a whole lot more, because even though they're not actual posse cuts like A Tribe Called Quest's "Scenario," they still definitely have that same level of gravitas and energy 😤.

And now, Profile. This label put out a lot of cool and gritty street rap from New York and New Jersey over the years, but they also had deals with people on the west coast, down south, and in the UK too.

So, the most popular add among all of these is "Word Iz Life," a mid-90s rap classic by New Jersey trio Poor Righteous Teachers that feels like it was made to be blasted out of a car's stereo on a hot summer's day. This one currently has about 8.7 million plays on Spotify and is fronted by a serially underrated emcee named Wise Intelligent, who is one of those five-percenter conspiracy rappers with pretty wacky views, but the guy can definitely rap circles around just about anyone, as he clearly shows on this very track here.

Then there's two vets from New York who both happen to possess really deep and distinctly gravelly voices: Nine, from The Bronx, and Smoothe Da Hustler, from Brownsville, Brooklyn. Nine's biggest hit was "Whutcha Want," which hit #3 on the Billboard rap chart and #50 on the Hot 100, but his follow-up single, "Any Emcee," was terrific too, which only peaked at #35 on the rap chart. That song, which pairs his rough vocal with a smooth sample of The Spinners' "I'll Be Around," has about 166,000 plays. And then Smoothe Da Hustler's fantastic piece of 1996 gangsta rap, "Hustler's Theme," which was deeply inspired by Curtis Mayfield's own "Freddie's Dead," only has about 25,000 plays, which is, just, way too low.

And another pretty popular track in this update comes courtesy of LA's legendary DJ Quik, whose slice of g-funk in "Summer Breeze" has about 2.2 million plays on Spotify, and should be everyone's golden age rap summer go-to instead of DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince's "Summertime." Both aim for that same exact feelgood, laid-back, nostalgic party vibe, but "Summer Breeze" is just a better song in every way.

Speaking of g-funk, you can't sleep on Dallas' Ganksta C either, who delivers one of the coolest pieces of hazy, whining synth gangsta rap you'll ever hear in your life, with "Just Another Day," which has about 44,000 plays.

And keeping it south, comes one of Profile's most slept-on signings of all time: M.T., who hails from New Orleans. This guy sounds a bit like Method Man, but he's also able to do that silly thing where you slightly open your mouth, vigorously shake your head, and then produce a noise. And he does it while he raps, which is wild! Comparable in quirkiness to someone like Ol' Dirty Bastard or early Busta Rhymes, M.T.'s excellent "Set It Off" has under 1,000 plays!

And then across the pond in the UK, Profile had Daddy Freddy, who originally hails from Jamaica. He's someone who's unmatched when it comes to that furious ragga style, and he shows why on "Go Freddy Go" and "Haul & Pull," which have about 16,000 and 33,000 plays, respectively.

Standing Ovation - "Onslaught" Daddy Freddy - "Go Freddy Go" Monte Luv & DJ Rob - "Silk Smooth" Militant Posture - "Down of Terror" Brothers on Organised Missions - "B.O.O.M." Brothers on Organised Missions - "Delivering the Answer" 2nd II None - "Ain't Nothin' Wrong" Kobalt 60 - "Kaos From Order" Daddy Freddy - "Haul & Pull" Killa Instinct - "Un-United Kingdom" Da Hoodzmen - "The Rhyme Ripper" Da Hoodzmen - "Runnin' Rampant" Potna Deuce - "Can U Dig It" Ganksta C - "Just Another Day" DJ Quik - "Summer Breeze" Nine - "Any Emcee" M.T. - "Set It Off" Smoothe Da Hustler - "Hustler's Theme" Poor Righteous Teachers - "Word Iz Life" Big Al Zoota - "Zoota Bang"

I also added a couple songs that can't be found on Spotify to the YouTube version of this playlist too. And both tunes happen to be by guys who sport British accents, but only one of them is actually from England itself, while the other, Dana Dane, hails from Brooklyn. Dana faked his British accent in order to stand out from his peers, and it proved to be a successful move, because a bunch of his singles actually managed to chart, including his late 80s classic, "Cinderfella Dana Dane" 😂. But his 1990 song, "Something Special," which currently has about 70 plays, is pretty great too. And then the actual British act, a London duo called 499, supply "Don't Categorise Me," a sweet piece of chill jazz-rap that sounds like it could've been produced by someone like Pete Rock, and currently has about 11,500 plays across its handful of YouTube uploads.

Dana Dane - "Something Special" 499 - "Don't Categorise Me"

And this playlist is also on YouTube Music.

So, with this large update, the Spotify version of this playlist now has 31 songs that end up totaling 2 hours and 9 minutes, and the YouTube version has 52 songs that total 3 hours and 35 minutes. So, if you want a lot more 90s hip hop gems, be sure to check out the YouTube one.

Enjoy!

More to come, eventually. Stay tuned!

Like what you hear? Follow me on Spotify and YouTube for more cool playlists and uploads!

[legaciestold]

“I brought you some water.” (from leon for claire!)

early march 2020 noticing trauma meme@everythingheard (leon)

sometimes claire feels like she's in the twilight zone. there's elements of her life that feel so mundane again that a part of her wants to chase the feeling just to exist within it as if, with it, a sense of childish pretending can commence. as if she's always been this girl rushing to her next college course because she'd miscalculated the line at the coffee shop and not a girl who only a few months before had been in a hell on earth where the undead hunted her and she had to fight for her life. it's jarring, the normalcy of it all after being on alert for so long; as if there's a kind of disconnect between the moments that make up her day.

she laughs with her classmates as they talk amount a movie while waiting for their professor.

she startles at the sound of the door banging against the wall because the professor was carrying a bunch of items and used his foot a bit too forcefully to shove the door open.

(because a part of her knows, there is still a risk to her out there.)

claire never much cared about politics before she switched her major either, yet now she was starting to pay attention to things within the complexities of it and how it could be used to shape and change society. she was happy to be back in school even if her major was different now but was ever aware that it also brought her one step closer to fulfilling a deal that she still wasn't quite sure what would look like. (she could make a difference with it though. maybe she could be a small part of something that could stop history from repeating and that mattered even if it'd come about because of a deal she still held unease about.) but, she also knew her deal looked a lot better than leon's. she was allowed some semblance of normalcy while he wasn't. not right now at least, unless you counted them as a sliver of normal (maybe they were, in a way, some piece of life and hope that wasn't ripped from them). it wasn't fair, the paths they were being placed on but at least.. at least they were trying to make the most of it.. together. that mattered too.

but that was the other thing: leon.

they'd gone about things so backwards, really. risked their lives for each other before they knew one another, lived together before they had feelings for each other, slept in the same bed before they'd even kissed... and now he was off enduring training that was beating him down to build him back up while she was going to school and expected to be normal and missing him like she imagined those wives that lined up on base as their husbands went off to deployment must have always felt when they returned home after to an empty bed. her nineteen-year-old (going on twenty) life wasn't anything like she imagined it'd be anymore than leon was the kind of guy she'd thought herself falling for when she'd briefly dated in high school (not that that really counted when nothing had ever gotten passed making out at the movies and breaking up two weeks later). but it was how things had played out and claire couldn't really imagine her life without leon in it and a part of her was still trying to sort out how she felt about that.

she'd never felt so strongly about someone before.

maybe it was some weird combination of her first real experience with a significant relationship even if they hadn't really been on any actual official date yet and the fact that in over three months she'd spent more time with him than she thinks she'd ever had with another person outside of chris. claire worried earlier on that maybe it was a kind of co-dependence brought on by trauma and maybe a part of it was but at some point it'd become something else, something more. they knew each other in a way she wasn't sure other people knew them. they'd shared things they never shared with anyone else. they felt safe together in a world that no longer felt safe.

perhaps that's why, the moment temporary housing had been set up for her so she could start classes at the new school on time until something else was sorted since apparently the dorms weren't deemed secure enough, she'd given leon the key to it when she'd went to see him the one time they'd actually let her go see him during training thus far. it wasn't like they did anything in order and it wasn't as if they were moving in together (besides who knew how long his training would take) but there was a comfort in the acceptance of the access. that if for some reason he decided to show up at three in the morning unannounced, she trusted him and was okay with that. it meant, there was a kind of home they'd found in each other and frankly, it wasn't as if he actually had his own apartment yet (or that she did, this was temporary). he'd gone right to training in the aftermath of their capture, or well, a week or so later. it meant 'as long as we stick together, we'll be fine'; that even if they weren't going to see each other everyday like they had up until she'd been captured by umbrella, that it wasn't going to be goodbye or a disconnect. we're in this together. that's what it felt like and claire hoped he took comfort in that as much as she did.

that comfort doesn't make her restlessness any better though, once she's back 'home' after classes and finished her homework and is sitting on the couch with the news playing in the background and her cup of soda clattering to the floor because the news is talking about raccoon again but they are talking about umbrella too this time and the government and there's been a data leak and she's not sure she's heard much after that but the few images they do show after a viewer caution are seared in her mind both from memory and from seeing it again. she certainly doesn't remember falling asleep or passing out on the couch at some point (an hour? hours? minutes?) later though there's evidence that her staying on the couch at night is more normal than it should be. she doesn't sleep in the bed in the bedroom because it's too far from the door if someone breaks in and she wouldn't hear them until it was too late and despite her being fully capable of defending herself, leon used to sleep on the side closest to the door in those shitty motels just in case someone tried to get at them or sherry. and the bed feels too cold in a way.. her nightmares that still plague her finding her. they find her on the couch too but it's different, the couch doesn't feel like something's missing from the equation. and claire doesn't linger on the fact the nightmares are worse and that it might be because she'd grown so used to a warmth being there to help chase them away and it hasn't been there. she doesn't like that some part of her craves that warmth to such a degree as if she can't support herself when she can.

but..

maybe there was a kind of strength in knowing one didn't want to face demons alone too. and things were still so fresh. trauma took time to recover from.

claire also doesn't remember that leon texted her they were going to let him have an extremely brief leave from the confines of the base for the first time though later she'll think maybe it had been supposed to start the next day. regardless, on this specific day, as the tv is still on and talking about revelations made because of how impacting such things are, the day's shows being run over by news reports, she's unaware of the door opening or that she's neck deep in the worst nightmare she's had since that first night after raccoon that they hadn't just passed out and actively tried to sleep until she feels warmth awakening her and for just a split second she forgets she's not back in a shitty motel. there's no panic in her awakening like there might be had it been someone else because some part of her body automatically knows that warmth. but there is labored breathing, her coming down from the images in her dreams.

his voice finds her as a glass is placed in her hands and it alarms her that he'd been there long enough to get it with her none the wiser. that shouldn't have been able to happen, she knew better than to let her guard down. what if it hadn't been leon? still, claire takes a sip, the coolness of it awakening her to the reality of the moment. then she hands it back to him to place on the coffee table, her eyes trying to focus to see if it was still daytime or had found it's way into late evening. "maybe i'm the one that should be going to boot camp. i'd have been taken out before i could have even gotten to the knife between the cushions." she states, an air of frustration at herself, because it's totally normal that a nineteen-year-old should be worrying about that. yet she continues.

"glad it's you, though. i missed you." she tells him, her hand reaching to touch his arm. "but you didn't go awol right? because if you did, i'm going to need at least five minutes to come up with a diversion in case this place is being monitored for our get away. i feel like that's the kind of message chris would have had nightmares about a few years ago, his sister running off with a runaway soldier." but all joking aside, claire would, wouldn't she? if leon asked her to. she kind of feels like that kind of intensity should scare a normal person, but maybe she stopped being normal from the first moment the face of the undead turned to look at her.

[talenlee]

Story Pile: Willy's Wonderland

Hey, you heard about the Nicolas Cage Five Nights at Freddies knockoff movie that was made in a single month? Have you heard it’s good?

Spoiler Warning of course, I’m going to discuss things in this movie. But also, Content Warning! This is a movie with a lot of your typical schlock tropes, there’s a needless sex scene where you Don’t Get To See Anything, there’s a lot of splashy, gory, wet violence against angry animatronics.

A stranger arrives in town! Car trouble! Can’t afford to fix it! But he can work in the obviously haunted as hell town landmark to pay for it by morning! Well, time to walk into the creepy murder house and work out what about this town is darkly messed up right? Because this guy is now trapped in the Cursed As Hell building, the other story – of a group of plucky teens wanting to deal with the Double Heck Murder Haunted House of their town – intersects with his. People get stuck in a closed room as the ghosts of this town pick off these people one at a time!

The whole thing is set up exactly as you expect, and let’s be clear: There are surprises in this movie, but the surprises are mixed in amongst the least surprising structure. This is a Z-list slasher movie about watching a bunch of thinly-developed teenagers getting murdered in a bunch of ways by evil haunted animatronics, and also Nicolas Cage is there.

Oh and also, ACAB.

Just as an experience of watching this kind of movie, this is a fun one. Rather than try to key up a lot of intense fear and horror, the movie shows you people’s tension, their horror, but it stops short of really trying to make you feel it. Because this is a goofy movie and it knows it and it’s having fun doing slasher kills and playing little kid’s music in a threatening way.

I hear a lot of complaints about horror movies where the characters do things that don’t make sense in order to create situations of maximal tension. This is a complaint I often feel is overblown, where the more good horror movies I see the more often, people are operating on entirely reasonable information or failing to appreciate the danger they’re in. The question of the soundness of a horror movie isn’t ‘do they do stupid stuff,’ it’s ‘do the actions people take make sense?’ Like, do two people, while extremely high, isolate themselves?

Yeah.

They do.

It does make sense at the time: Because they’re not taking this thing seriously and don’t think things are as bad as the others do. And that’s kinda the heart of this whole genre of the story, which is about incorrect assumptions about the reality of the story you’re stuck in.

The whole thing is extremely American, incidentally. I obviously don’t how the rest of the world feels about it, but a kid’s eatery with incessant, repeating, overwhelming singing from animatronics feels very American to me, as does the way that you can be in a town and still in the middle of nowhere, or the way that you might show up in some small town and find the whole thing is basically a pagan cult built around a cursed organ of capitalism.

It’s interesting because normally, in my experience, curses, haunts like this, they tend to be built around the idea of the aged, of the ancient. Ghosts of the restless dead, tales of ancient crimes, there’s time necessary to a ghost, surely. But the scale of time here is so brief, so near — Willy’s Wonderland is a twenty year old sin, a thing from the early 00s that persists on long enough that one of its victims grew up into an adult.

These props are very physical – I’m sure there’s some computer graphics going on, just because by default, CG is cheaper than physical props, but the ways that Nicolas Cage interacts with these things has such a physicality to it. When he shoves it, bits of it move that he didn’t touch because of the flow throug of an elaborate mechanical system. Is the whole movie ‘Nicolas Cage murders disturbing puppets?’ probably not. But it feels like it.

It’s hard to not think about videogames watching Willy’s Wonderland. It’s hard to look at the long, slow, methodical monstages of cleaning a Pinball machine and not think in terms of games that match that same gameplay pattern. The montage is not doing something cool, it’s not to make you feel pumped up or cool, it’s clearing out a long, slow methodical experience of executing on something thoroughly. It’s often that the cleaning is setting up a combat arena that the player – er, that is the Janitor – then executes on. There’s also the combat arena, the use of breaks to divide the story into levels, and the ‘boss fight’ nature of things.

It creates another dimension to the story the teenagers are involved in. It’s not just that they fell into a haunted house with evil monsters in it. It’s that they fell into a videogame experience, in the fight between a player character who’s only going to succeed and the villainous force he only meaningfully exists to oppose. This is what it’s like to be dropped into a videogame between the protagonist and the villain and know that you have to hope the protagonist is going to line up with you, and sometimes he doesn’t and that’s just… oh well. In a lot of ways the story kicks you around to keep you from being on your feet for long.

Ultimately, Willy’s Wonderland is a pure movie in the degree to which it’s having fun with its dumb idea, and executing on it flawlessly. You get to see things cleaned up, you get to see things beaten down, you get to see terrible monsters do terrible monster kills, you will see some cleavage in an extremely unpleasant way, and you will be reminded that all the layers of power in systems that build around capitalism will put on a sad face emoji while they literally sacrifice people’s lives to the ongoing sense of order. All cops are bastards, and evil is worth fighting.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[xtrablak674]

Down the Rabbit Hole

First it was the disagreement about filters with my twenty-four year old nephew, who concurrently doesn't have any social media accounts, and says they're adamantly against using filters on photos, they prefer reality to fantasy. I told them I too prefer reality in my art, but on this precious face, the more filters the better. A bitch needs to look good for posterity.

This conversation was the spark, but what would be the kindle is my correspondence with SoundCloud to try to get the log-in for my probably fifteen year old account. They had a bunch of questions about the last playlist I deleted like twelve years ago, and the clincher was they had a long defunct email address from my days when I had a domain name or three. I was explicit in my response that that email address hadn't been in service since maybe 2004.

SoundCloud also wanted me to send a photo of myself holding up the number for the trouble ticket I had opened with them. Now this took me all the way back to the early aughts, because I was sure it was either dating or hook-up sites that would ask you for a photo with some code or string of numbers. Naturally my mind wanted to find one of these old selfies, before the term was even coined.

Cloud accounts were my first stop, I perused my Google Drive, and DropBox but they both only went back as far as the pre-teens. I had considered getting out my first iPad to see if those other alternative cloud accounts would help, but I knew the real tea would be found on the DVDs I burned on my early 2008 MacBook Pro to back up my files, but that laptop didn't really work and I didn't have an external DVD reader that could plug into my iPad Pro.

My alternative and now only Flickr account did a bit better and I found some of these low megapixel photos. But that wasn't enough, I then dived into my sent items on my oldest email address, one of the three I had opened with Yahoo, when Yahoo was the Google of the world. Looking at the old attachments that I sent folks and that folks sent me had me in a downloading frenzy, curious now about why did some of the images still look relatively good while others looked like trash. Alongside pixel dimensions, I saw that MP which I am guessing is megapixels played a large role in if photos looked good twenty years later.

Not content I then decided to try to date when I opened all of my open email addresses, scouring sent items and inboxes to see which were the early entries and thus probably the year the account was created.

All of this to say I still feel strongly that all of this "archived" material is a potential resource to create some kind of new content, I am just not really sure what. I had considered making graphs or list of the different people I fucked with in different years based on my correspondence with them via email, but then this leaves out the whole instant message phase of the late nineties and early aughts, which I will not even lie was a big place for me to hang out. I do have snippets of some of those conversations that I emailed to myself.

But what happens to all this digital debris? I wonder about my current digital footprint which is currently primarily text and DMs, will these be saved? What happens when a platform goes out of business. My personal beef with Apple it has never been easy on mobile to access old content. I loved Time Machine on the desktop OS, because it made it very easy and clear how to access old content.

I think archeologist realize that this "digital" age will not survive the cloud servers and services that we spend so much money backing up and storing it on, but what will happen to these things after we're gone? Will anyone ever see these things or are they just digital debris left behind like an unpaid storage unit?

[Photos by Brown Estate]

[prose-mortem]

ARC Review of Happy Place by Emily Henry

Rating 4/5 Stars

Let me start off by saying that even though I love romance in many forms, this is not the type of book that I normally like. The fact that it was so unexpectedly enjoyable and engaging speaks to the author's ability to write excellent characters and surprise you with their depth and interweaving histories. I usually get bored with forced proximity/fake dating tropes unless it's like a reality TV thing, but Emily Henry has made me re-evaluate that position for sure!

The cover of Happy Place is gorgeous and was one of the things that drew me to it when I requested it on NetGalley, but it didn't prepare me for how serious some parts of the book were. I thought it was going to be a fun, but fluffy romance read- I was so very wrong. There was a lot of fun, but even more depth than I expected as the author excavated what female friendships, aging, choosing what feels right to you instead of what you should do per societal standards, and truly evaluating the efficacy and importance of romantic relationships look like in 2023. All of the characters are young, but the aging aspect specifically peered into how friendships change as one grows out of college age into adulthood where lives often go in very different directions. (Think mid-twenties to early 30s when people are settling on careers and deciding if they want kids.)

Our two main characters, Harriet (Harry) and Wyn have broken up months prior to the friend's trip they are both invited to attend with their old university besties. The problem is that they have not told anyone about the breakup, and Harriet does not have the heart to tell her friends since she is still very much grieving the loss of the relationship. As the story progresses, the two MCs are forced to explore their relationship in depth as the complexities of adult friendship also rise to the surface. Harriet is in medical school but finds that she desires a life with fewer time constraints and with more availability to do what she loves- create art. Her fear of her family's judgment, grief over her failed romantic relationship, and the stress of putting on a "good show" for her friends force Harriet to come face to face with the question that plagues many people in young adulthood: Should I do what is stable and expected of me, or should I take the risk of acting on what brings me joy?

The characters are very compelling, and even though there is plenty of fun banter among all the characters, Emily Henry does not shy away from prying back the layers of social programming and exploring how authenticity emerges when we have the bravery to face who we really are. All in all, it was not what I expected from a book with a bright (gorgeous) pink cover with a bunch of people lounging and playing on the water! Not that pink indicates a lack of depth, but on romance books, it is something I usually correlate to something like a rom-com. There was humor injected throughout the book, but I was pleasantly surprised by the author's willingness to look at life "as it is" as well. I loved everything about Happy Place and truly enjoyed the development afforded to the side characters. The ending is fully satisfying, and I can officially call myself an Emily Henry fan!

Thank you so much to NetGalley, Emily Henry, and Penguin Random House- Berkley for sending me an e-ARC of Happy Place! Given how much everyone enjoyed Book Lovers last year, I think that this is going to be the next contemporary romance "it" book!

[somethingconsistent]

Dead Mom.

Shout out to my lactation consultant for introducing me to this song. Special shout out to the verse below that would’ve absolutely wrecked me if I had heard it in the early days of my grief. Let’s be serious the birth of this beautiful girl has had my nicely knitted up emotion wounds completely flayed and exposed again. There was no comfort I craved more than that of my mother through labor and in recovery. The first week every day I thought of how no one around me knew what I needed the way my mother would have. I wouldn’t have had to ask her to do things she would’ve known. Maybe that’s me putting her on a pedestal, as I so often do with the dead. But if there was one thing my mother was an absolute expert in, it was making sure that someone was cared for. I’d even love to fight with her. I’d love to be annoyed that she wouldn’t just let me be. I’d love to be annoyed that she brought groceries again or mopped the floor again. Or ran a half a load of laundry when it could’ve waited. There is no love like a mothers love, there’s no equal or comparison. I’m so lucky to have so many people in my life that are trying to help. I’m especially lucky to have a partner who is willing to do the hard and messy parts of newborn life so I can focus on healing and feeding her. I’m lucky to have a neighbor and sister who feeds us and loves us and comes by just to drop food and get a hug from me, not to see the baby. I don’t know what I’d do without kat.

I’ve had ten years almost to adjust to life without a mother. A little over ten days to adjust to life as being a mother. I say often that 22 years with mom was worth 40 or 50 years with someone who was less than she was. But I still had so much to learn. I still wish I had more time. I tell Penelope in the middle of the night about how much Grandma Terri would’ve loved her. And how insufferable my dad would’ve been about how perfect she was. He would’ve shown pictures of her to anyone who gave him the opportunity.

Hey Mom, Dead Mom

I need a little help here

I'm prob'ly talking to myself here

But Dead Mom I gotta ask

Are you really in the ground?

Cause I feel you all around me

Are you here, Dead Mom?

Dead Mom

Dead Mom

I'm tired of trying to iron out my creases

I'm a bunch of broken pieces

It was you who made me whole

Every day Dad's staring at me

Like all "hurry up get happy

Move along

Forget about your mom"

Cause Daddy's in denial

Daddy doesn't wanna feel

He wants me to smile

And clap like a performing seal

Ignored it for a while

But Daddy's lost his mind for real

You won't believe the mess that we've become

You're my home

My destination

And I'm your clone

Your strange creation

You held my hand

And life came easy

Now jokes don't land

And no one sees me

Nothing seems to fit

Mamma, is this it?

Are you receiving?

I want something to believe in

Or I'm done

Take me where my soul can run

Or I'll be in my bedroom

Wake me when I'm twenty one

Daddy's moving forward

Daddy didn't lose a mom

Mamma won't you send a sign?

I'm running out of hope and time

A plague of mice, a lightning strike

Or drop a nuclear bomb

No more playing Daddy's game

I'll go insane if things don't change

Whatever it takes to make him say your name

Dead Mom

[lebrookestore]

summer of seven years; j.jh

Pairing: Jung Jaehyun x female reader

side— yuta x oc!zhong ailiseu

Themes: summer! au but not really, summer fling, brothers best friend, heavy angst, fluff, attempts at comedy, food (pizza for this teaser), slowburn, this fic takes place over a significant amount of time, learning to love, writer! jaehyun, celebrity! jaehyun but its not really elaborated on

Warnings: mentions of a broken heart, swearing, protective parents, the reader is a procrastinator, food, a makeout scene that is suggestive and leads to more but absolutely no sexual content, betrayal, rejection, some unrequieted love

Wc: 30k

Summary: Coming back home was hard for both you and Jaehyun, but when you realize both of you are back in the same place again, feelings from three years ago rise to the surface, and you start to realize that the things you thought you knew when you were younger never quite played out.

Taglist: @danishmiilk  @radiorenjun @channoticedmeuwu @chicksung @jenosslut @kisshim @mrkcore @intokook @kkakkdugi @sungchanscult @0429a​ @sakurasangcl @rouiyan @kiri-ah @kariskwn @imdamnconfused​ @armysantiny​ @subhyuck​ @aprilpari​ @hannie-dul-set​  @jenoly-simp​ @hyuckefi​ @floraljae​ @dreamycomets​ @ppangjae​ @smoll-tangerine​ @sehunniepot​ @lesdevoeux

Authors note: i did it, i actually did it goodness gracious i honestly thought this fic would never end! i cut out a few unnecessary scenes, but all in all i am proud of it. This fic is for @kokonomi​ summer event!! and it is entirely based off taylor swift albums, specifically evermore and folklore!! it was a lot of fun writing it, and i hope you enjoy it! feedback will be greatly appreciated!!

prologue— the one

Jaehyun walked out of the airport, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding it. It was about six in the morning, the sun was just barely coming up in the sky, painting it with oranges and blues. The sunrises were something he never really missed about the place, considering he was almost always asleep at this hour.

He hadn’t caught a wink of sleep the previous night, with his flight and all (not to mention the guy sitting by him. Snored a bunch, thank god for that window seat.) and now he doubted he would for the next twelve hours. 

It was ironic how the world had led him back to the place he had started at, his hometown. He had never particularly liked it there, which was why he left in the first place. He had been ready to find something new, something different. 

And he had been happy outside, he had done well, thrived even. The new environment was exactly what he needed after sending twenty-one years in one place. As soon as he had graduated, he had left, promising his parents he’d be fine.

He was Jung Jaehyun, the author that left his readers swooning over his characters (and sometimes himself). The author portrayed love differently every time which each book, giving every character a reason. Sometimes it was bittersweet, sometimes amazing, sometimes unfair.

Jung Jaehyun, who wrote love stories and didn’t know a single thing about it. 

Inspiration was a funny thing, it hit you at the most random of times. Being in the city after living for so long here, it was like he couldn’t help but pour his ideas onto a document. Inspiration fuelled imagination and his books were exactly that: figments of his imagination. He spun tales from his thoughts alone, fabricating them from his ideas.

Or in other words, it was absolute bullshit.

But people ate it up and so he must have been doing something right. He supposed that most loved sappy endings, and combined with the message of love persevering, it all worked out in his favour.

It was...odd being back home. He didn’t really feel the nostalgia yet, since the airport was a little further away from town. Might as well have been in a place he didn’t know much about.

Dragging his suitcase behind him, he walked along the footpath, waiting for his cab to arrive. Six-thirty now, still obscenely early for his taste. One of the things he boasted about was since he worked for himself, he could get up whenever he wanted, and work whenever he pleased. The problem was when he wasn’t working when he had no ideas to put out on paper. Those were the times he had to abide by the rules.

The sun was a little higher in the sky now, the normal glow he was used to coming back. The cab stopped by where he was standing and he got in, telling the driver his destinations. He had had to read it off his phone, after a year being away, he had forgotten a lot of things. Was his childhood home on the right side of the street- or was it the left?

Had he even ever lived in this place? It was so tame, so calm. Perhaps it was because it was a little too early, but in the city, the streets would have already been jam-packed at this hour. 

A lot could change in a year, he realized, sighing and closing his eyes. A year ago at this time, he would have been sitting in his apartment, typing away on his laptop as the words poured out of him. It used to be so easy, the way he could write book after book and not get burnt out. The way he could work and write as if the ideas never gave him a moment of peace.

Where had that gone? Maybe that’s why he had come back to where it had all started, to find it again.

“Come home, sweetheart, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you,” his mother said over the phone when he told her about his writer’s block. God, he hated that word, because it felt like someone had put a wall in between him and his work. 

You see, for all his twenty-two years, people had put him on a pedestal. He was Jaehyun, the boy with the looks that put others to shame, the guy who was on the soccer team in high school, the one who got a scholarship for college. He had always been forced into things and had to come out of it being the best ever single time.

Writing was the one thing that was his, the one thing he could control and work with without anyone judging him. Sure, people loved his work anyways, but it was the fact that it was his own talent, not something he had been thrown into.

But that came with its obstacles as well. Being such a young person in the writing scene was tough, some thought he was a one-shot wonder even three novels into his career. All of them even had the best-selling sticker on them dammit.

Still, it was real, even if there were people judging him. For the first time, they wanted him to fail, which only made him want to do better.

However, now as he sat on the leather seats of some dingy cab, he didn’t really feel as if he had made it. It was embarrassing, the way he was crawling back home when he wanted nothing to do with it.

“Sir?” He glanced at the driver, who cocked his head to the side at a familiar-looking house. “We’re here, sir.”

“Thanks.” He paid the man and got out of the car, pulling his luggage out and standing on the sidewalk. The cab drove off, leaving him alone as he took it in, before walking up to the porch of the house and knocked.

Jung Jaehyun was finally home.

chapter one: the cute pizza guy

If there was one thing living with your parents almost all your life taught you, it was how to sneak food around quickly.

They were, what one would call health freaks, which meant your diet growing up was extremely controlled. Burgers? Once every three months, candy was only seen during Halloween and Christmas, and chips might as well have been a myth.

Okay, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration. You got chips once a month.

In short, they were the protective type, in all areas. Up until you were fifteen, you couldn’t go anywhere unless one of them was with you or your brother tagged along. This was how you learned how to sneak out, but that’s a story for another time.

As of right now, however, you padded across the floors, gripping a pizza box tightly as you approached the stairs of your house. Your parents and brother were in the living room, and you had been unpacking, but got hungry in the middle of doing so and you weren’t exactly in the mood for a salad.

Finally having graduated, you came back home for a few months to figure out what exactly you wanted to do with your life. You had missed it here, after three years of being away, and were thrilled at the prospect of being back. 

Minus the whole sneaking around.

You kicked open your door as gently as you could, walking in and setting the box down on the floor, before getting down as well, sitting criss-cross as you looked at your open suitcase in disdain. Eh, that could wait, you had a lovely Margherita pizza that deserved your attention instead. 

So you ignored the mess on your bed and floor, opening the box up and taking a slice, before realizing you hadn’t locked your door. It would be a little hard to explain why and how you had the slice with you, so you placed it back down and tip-toed to the door, clicking it shut.

It would’ve been a shame to have gotten caught when you had gone through the trouble of getting the cute delivery guy to come to the back door and make a fool of yourself in the process, only to get it taken away.

Dammit, he really was cute.

Placing your feet where there wasn’t any mess, you carefully navigated back to your original spot, next to the window. You stood there, hands on your hips as you sighed, looking around. 

Your childhood bedroom was pretty small, with a closet on the far end, a desk next to the window, and your bed near the wall. The window had curtains that were hot pink because you were an eccentric nine year old who loved colour.

And it was currently a mess, with your clothes strewn about and other items you had brought back. You had never really been a pretty unpacker, but it didn’t really matter as long as things went back in their places in the end. 

The problem was that your room had been like this for the past week you had been here. If there was another thing that stood out about you, was the fact you were a professional at being a procrastinator, so in the end, nothing ended up in its place anyways.

You glanced out of the window, studying the house on the opposite side of the street since it was the first (and only) thing that caught your eye. There wasn’t anything that interesting about it, since the houses in your area of the town tended to be pretty much the same, but there was a peach tree on the far side of it.

On the footpath stood a man, dressed in causal formal clothing. His right hand was wrapped around the handle of a suitcase, and for a brief moment, you wondered if he too was like you, a person who would procrastinate.

Or maybe he was a more put-together person than you were, and his things would be unpacked within a few hours. It certainly seemed that way, with the manner he carried himself. For goodness sake, the man was standing straight from what you could tell. No slouching, not even a little bit.

He also probably knew what he was doing with his life. It seemed as if everybody but you had the answer to that.

Huffing, you were about to turn back to your pizza, which was the only thing that didn’t judge you at the moment, when the man turned around, presumably to look at the place. 

You froze on the spot. 

His hair cast a little bit of a shadow on his face, and considering you were looking at him from above, it would’ve been a little tough to make out his features for anyone else. However, you knew exactly who it was, a person you hadn’t seen in a long time and one you couldn’t possibly ever forget.

Jung Jaehyun, with his stupid pretty face and ability to leave you breathless even when you were over six feet away from him. You could tell how he looked from where you were standing, his hair had grown a little bit, but it was the same square jawline and eyes you had known.

You had been seventeen when you so naively fell for him one summer, blissfully oblivious to how it would end.  He was your brother’s best friend at the time and had always been nice to you. He smiled whenever you met each other, he offered to help you when you had to write an essay you were struggling with and was all around the perfect guy.

Which was what you hated so much about him. He was perfect in every way imaginable, with his dimpled smile and features that were akin to a Greek god.  He was a year older than you, your brother’s age and the type of guy people looked up to.

That was three years ago, almost four. That one summer when you fell in love and crawled out with a broken heart.

chapter two: don’t cry over split coffee

There really wasn’t much to do in your hometown, you soon discovered after revisiting all the usual places that had made up your childhood. The arcade, the lake a little outside of town, the old high school, and that abandoned theater kids used to put up their poorly planned out plays for fun during the summer months.

You remembered doing the same when you were fifteen, with your friends and older brother and his friend. You had written out the play, but chose to be one of the background characters. Not that it mattered anyway, hardly twenty people attended the show.

Still, it had been fun, and the look Jaehyun gave you afterward when he complimented you on the story- well, the tenth grade you was absolutely enamored by it, even more so when you heard him tell your brother he wanted to be a writer someday.

You had impressed the future writer, your job was done. You had a smile on your face, and motivation to continue writing stories for short plays. That was how it all started, you supposed, with a little bit of infatuation and they want to please him.

Dammit, you were letting your mind wander again. Ever since you had happened to catch a glimpse of him from your window a week ago, he had been plaguing your thoughts. 

Cupping your mug, you looked over. Opposite to you sat two people, your old friends from high school. They knew about the whole ordeal and were the ones you had forced into acting in your play.

The girl was Zhong Ailiseu. She was that type of person who was undoubtedly the main character in the production of life, with brown hair that she had recently cut, which complimented her honey irises. Her voice was gentle, pairing with her smile that seemed to light up the room.

Ailiseu truly was what everybody wanted to be, she was virtually the textbook definition of perfect. In school, she was the star, always at the top of her class and the best at everything she tried and put her mind to. She got into one of the top colleges on a scholarship for fashion and was now back in town just like you. All she was waiting for was to be welcomed into that company she had taken an interview for, which she was most certainly going to get.

You sometimes wondered if she was even real. Perhaps she was simply a fictional character.

Her fingers were intertwined with the boys under the table. You had caught a glimpse of it and had put two and two together. Part of you couldn’t believe they had ended up together, with the amount they used to fight and bicker over the stupidest of things when you were younger.

He was Nakamoto Yuta, and the years away had definitely treated him well. Childish features had morphed into sharp, angular ones that left him looking pretty terrifying when he was thinking to himself because f his resting bitch face. However, that was all canceled out the moment he smiled. His smile was dazzling, to say the least, his eyes would light up like someone had flipped a switch.

Currently, his hair was a muted red colour, which matched his eccentric personality. He always had been an unpredictable little shit, which was what made his presence extremely entertaining. All in all, they complimented each other well.

The three of you got along like a house on fire, even after four years of strained contact with each other. You had decided to meet up at the coffee house yesterday and within minutes it was like you were seventeen again.

“I can’t believe you two are together,” you said, glancing from Yuta to Ailiseu. “Can’t believe you got over him stealing your cookies to the point where you fell in love.”

Yuta sent you an alarmed look, shaking his head rapidly. You realized a little too late that you weren’t supposed to bring that up, because she probably still didn’t know. Ailiseu’s eyes widened, before she turned to her darling boyfriend and narrowed them.

“I fucking knew you took them,” she grumbled and he shrugged, pointing at you. “Y/n ate some of them too okay!”

I’m friends with liars and thieves I-”

“I’m going to go get some more coffee!” You exclaimed, eager to weasel your way out of the situation. Ignoring their protests, you smiled to yourself, getting to your feet and walking up to the counter.

You placed the mug down, leaning against the counter and calling for the barista. He turned to you, a puppy-like smile on his face as he nodded, “How may I help you?”

His name tag read ‘Jeno’ and he seemed to be barely eighteen. Returning his smile, you ordered some more coffee, paying him on the spot. While you waited, you read off the specials listed out on the board and other assorted seasonal drinks.

Jeno came back with your coffee and you thanked him, turning around to return to your table and probably still arguing friends. Catching sight of the table, you walked over, but didn’t see the person directly in front of you and ended up walking straight into their figure, spilling a little of your coffee on your sweater.

While you weren’t thrilled that your pretty white cashmere sweater was now dyed a light brown colour in some places, you looked up to apologize to the person, only for the words to die in your throat.

Jaehyun stood there, staring back at you with an expression that mirrored yours perfectly. He was wearing casual clothing, just a tee thrown over some jeans, but he still looked breathtaking. Swallowing thickly, you cleared your throat and greeted him, brushing away the urge to fall to your knees at the confusing feeling that was creeping up onto you.

“Jae.”

Oh fuck, you forgot the Hyun part of his name. You only ever called him Jae when the two of you were messing around that one summer when you thought that you had him. Stumbling over your words, you completed his name hurriedly, flushing embarrassedly.

“Y/n,” he nodded, a small smile making its way onto his face, “Hey, it’s been so long.”

Not long enough, clearly. “It has! How are you?” You hated small talk. It was pointless and a waste of time. Jaehyun shrugged complacently, just like he used to when you were younger 

“So and so, decided to get back in town for a bit for a break.”

“A break?” You asked, shifting your weight from one foot to the other. Trying to ignore the sticky feeling of drying coffee that was soon making itself known on your arm, you pretended to be interested. 

He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, “I’m a writer, so I’m searching for an idea for my next book.”

“Right! I remember you wanting to be a writer,” you said, words dying and growing softer with every one. He studied you for a second, before smiling.

“Yeah.”

“Well, I suppose you came looking for Johnny,” you muttered, mentioning your brother. “He’s back at home.”

You thought about how Jaehyun used to take you here for dates, ordering your favorite drink while the two of you shared a cheesecake. Perhaps that was what hurt the most, even after all these years. It hurt because he had been perfect, he had done everything a boyfriend should have. He took you on dates, he would kiss you and hold your hand, tell you how amazing you were.

You fell in love with that part of him, and this place was just reminiscent of it all. It was funny how your hometown came with these memories you would rather forget altogether. And him standing in front of you was proof enough you hadn’t imagined him that day. 

“Actually I came looking for no one,” he said, “But I’m glad I ran into you.”

That felt like a slap in the face. You nodded curtly, “Yeah- me too.” Niceties were a given when it came to Jaehyun. You couldn’t flip him off if you tried, because he was always so nice to you, even when he told you it all meant nothing.

He had told you in person, under the big peach tree beside the porch of his house. He had been so gentle, that you didn’t even feel the impact of his words until you were back in your room, which was when you finally broke down.

No one understood why you were in such a terrible mood, nor why you looked so broken for the better part of the starting of your final year at high school. This was because no one knew about you and Jaehyun since the two of you had done an amazing job of concealing the relationship.

And because of your lack of proper reaction, he still probably thought that the break up- if it could even be called that- was mutual. It definitely wasn’t, he had taken your heart and let his fall until it hit the ground and was in a million pieces.

You hated love, despised it even, solely due to this man, since because of him, it was hard to love someone else. You had been so utterly heartbroken that even when you moved for college, you put all your energy into doing well and forgot about enjoying it.

Now that you were done with it and he was standing in front of you, it was like someone had ripped those stickers open again to show off your wound. 

“I have to get back to my friends,” you managed to get out, whispering a curt goodbye and walking away, back to the table. Jaehyun watched you leave, slightly bewildered at the sudden, unexpected exchange with an old friend.

“Sir? Are you ready to order?” The barista asked. Snapping out of it, he nodded.

“Yeah, I’ll have a…..”

chapter three: dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen

Giggles escaped you as you tried to smother them down with your hand over your mouth. Your fingers were intertwined with Jaehyuns as the two of you fled the party that was taking place in his house. It was his brother’s birthday, but he had done enough for it and had chosen to spend the rest of the evening with you.

He was finally eighteen, a proper adult and picture-perfect as could be. He had grown out his hair a little for the summer, so it curled around his neck adorably, making you want to thread your fingers through it.

He turned around to steal a glance at you, a smile briefing his features as he pulled you closer. You were behind the house in the backyard, and you could just about make out the scent of his cologne wafting through the dewy night air.

Summer nights always had an odd chill in the air, one that was inexplicable. Jaehyun didn’t have a jacket on him at the moment, so he settled for simply pulling you closer to him, wrapping his arms around your waist as he smirked.

“Hey you.”

Before him, you never really understood the concept of butterflies in one’s stomach and nervousness around that special person. But at that moment as you stood in his arms, heat crept up your neck as a whole damn zoo infiltrated your insides. It was almost laughable, he could do the bare minimum and it would affect you.

“Hi,” you said shyly and quickly, dropping your gaze to your feet. He chuckled, thinking about how adorable you were. 

“It’s nice out here, hmm?” He asked, keeping his eyes on you. He had quickly figured out how easily you broke down under his utmost attention, and it was amusing seeing you so confused and grasping at words. Nodding softly, you met his gaze.

“It is.”

Details were a little bit of a blur, but you remembered him kissing you right after, lips pressed against yours. The rest of the world was drowned out in the process, as your hands cupped his face, kissing him back.

His kisses were soft, you soon discovered after sharing many of them with him. They were gentle, almost as if he was scared of breaking you. If you had to describe what being with him was like, in the most childish way possible you’d have to say it was ‘nice’, but not in a mediocre way. It was nice in the way that made you feel fuzzy on the inside and a smile appear at the sight of him. Nice in the sense where you felt safe.

Of course, there was the added edge of excitement since he was older than you and your brother’s best friend. You felt flattered that he chose to spend his time with you, especially since you thought you were simply the little sister to him. It was exciting, to an extent, since your brother didn’t know about the relationship.

He was different, out of bounds but also so safe at the same time. 

All the summer nights he would sneak into your room, the days your fingers would be entangled in his hair as the two of you kissed, being with him was truly something out of a fairytale. The glances he would give you when your brother was around and the two of you were playing it off- the thrill had remained every single time. 

You should have known it was only a matter of time before the thrill would fade for him.

~

Jaehyun had been waiting for half an hour now.

He glanced down at his watch and clicked his tongue in slight annoyance. Johnny had promised to meet him here at six, but it was already half past it, and the movie was going to start any minute now. One would think that an old best friend would make more of an effort to be on time, but apparently not.

Thankfully, he spotted his old car pulling up a few feet away, parking and getting out of the driver’s seat. Johnny looked even taller than the last time Jaehyun had seen him, if that was possible, hair messy in a stylized way. 

And then the passenger door opened, and you walked out, wearing your brother’s jacket with a bored look on your face. Some of your hair had fallen out of your ponytail and in front of your face as you crossed your hands over each other and followed Johnny to where Jaehyun was standing.

Which prompted him to panic a little bit. You see, seeing you that day at the cafe had confused him a little, and also reminded him of how the two of you left things off all those years ago. You seemed pretty put together, which somewhat helped his state of mind, but when you looked up from your feet and spotted him standing there at the entrance of the cinema, you froze in place.

Dammit, Johnny did not tell you he would be here.

“Y/n! You remember Jaehyun, right?” Your brother asked, a bright, kittenish smile gracing his features as he walked up to his friend, slinging an arm around him. You pressed your lips together, wondering how to ask the question without offending anyone.

“I thought it was going to be just the two of us?” You tried to look as sad as possible about not being able to spend quality time with your oh-so-wonderful brother, but he just walked over to you and tackled you in a hug.

“Well, we can do that another time! You’re going to be home for a long time, we don’t know how long Yoonoh will be here.” He turned to his friend, blissfully oblivious to the awkward situation he had put the two of you in, “You guys were friends too, right?”

“Well-”

Jaehyun started to say something and your eyes widened in alarm, placing a hand on Johnny’s shoulder and shrugging, “Yeah, it’s just been so long you know?”

To this the writer frowned at you, raising an eyebrow in question. You ignored him, gesturing to the door of the cinema house. “We’ve probably missed the first ten minutes of the movie, sorry we’re late Jaehyun.” 

Even though your words were directed to him, you refused to look at him, instead,  dragged your poor, confused brother in with you and asking him to get the popcorn. It seemed as if you would be pushing the dude around a lot today, especially since Jaehyun would be there.

He now stood beside you, watching your brother walk up to the counters and ask for the snacks. “What was that all about?”

“He doesn’t know about...whatever we were.” You said, not quite knowing what to describe the old relationship as. Jaehyun had told you it was just a fling, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say it like that.

He raised an eyebrow, “Still? I thought you would have told him by now.”

“I didn’t talk about it after you broke up with me,” your voice had taken a turn for distant, and had a sort of finality to it that told him to not press for answers anymore. Accepting this, he didn’t say any more.

The evening was awkward, to say the least. The world had decided that you were its object of entertainment and put you in the worst position, sitting right next to Jaehyun. Why? Because your darling brother wanted that specific seat, but also wanted to sit next to Jaehyun and the only seat left was the one next to the latter.

The movie itself was pretty good, about two college kids who fall in love with each other with a sprinkle of misunderstandings and a pretty silver locket even you were envious of. You couldn’t help but scoff at the pretentious way love was portrayed in it, because you knew for a fact that not everyone got their happy endings.

Jaehyun glanced to his side, where you were slumped in your seat, practically engulfed in your jacket as you bit down on your nails, eyes trained on the big screen. The light illuminated your features in the dark theater, eyelashes casting shadows over your face.

Seeing you here, it really hit him that he was back in this place he called home. You were one of the memories that haunted him, and you probably always would. 

When he was younger, he lived life recklessly (in the words of his friend Mark, yolo), though he followed the rules. His point being- he never really thought of the consequences. As selfish as it sounded, he was there to have fun and be the best. The main character in his own little book of life, while everyone else were passer-bys.

When he was younger, he also hated history. To him, there was no point in learning about something that was in the past. It was old news, a story told too many times. It was stale.

And yet, here he was, back in his childhood, older and hit with the past again. The history that came with the town was right in his face, and he couldn’t ignore it. The past was bound to come back to him, and now as he studied your familiar features, he realized.

The past started with you.

chapter four: i have this dream you’re doing cool shit

The sun announced its arrival through your window, making you roll over and cover your face with a spare pillow. You loved your room, but in the mornings it awoke you rather violently, something you had forgotten with your time away at college.

Needless to say, you were not a morning person.

“For fucks sake,” you groaned into the plush pillow, curling your body to the side and facing the wall. You had to sleep with your knees bent anyways, since the bed was a little small for you now. You had been doing it since you were eighteen.

“Oi, sleeping beauty,” Your brother’s voice cut through your solitude, “Wake up.”

You felt the mattress dip towards the end, and you concluded at he had sat down at the edge. Turning onto your back, you covered your eyes with your wrist and sighed.

“Five more minutes.”

“What are we in school? Get your ass up, we’re going out.”

Those words were something you hadn’t heard in a long time, so part of you was intrigued. The other part was perfectly content with ignoring him and going back to sleep. However, you knew how insistent Johnny could be when he wanted, so you dragged yourself out, but before giving him a hit with your pillow.

Ah, siblings.

Driving him out of your room, you got dressed for the day. Summers in your hometown were cheery, the typical lemonade and watermelon type of season. The sun, while you despised it while waking up, was actually something you really liked throughout the course of the day. 

You jogged downstairs to get some breakfast before leaving, thanking your mother for the blueberry pancakes she made. It felt as if you were seventeen again, everything was almost the same.

Almost.

Johnny was talking to someone, and you couldn’t help but pay attention to the conversation considering he was sitting right next to you. You had definitely missed him at college, and being back with your brother well, you were his baby sister. He was the first boy you ever looked up to, and the boy you know would always love you back.

He wouldn’t be the last, but he would always be there. That was enough for you, in fact, being home as weird as it was, it was like a reminder that everything would always be the same around here. It would always be there.

“See you there,” he said, clicking off the call and digging into his own pancakes. You nudged him, plastering on a sweet smile.

“Who was that?”

“Jaehyun, he’ll be meeting us a little later.”

Your smile faltered at that, but you made sure it didn’t fall. Instead, you took another bite, using it as an excuse to not respond straight away and instead think about what to say. Taking a sip of your orange juice, you started.

“Uh, why is he coming? Not that I’m against it but I’m just there? You two are in bromance.”

Rolling his eyes, he stole a blueberry from your plate, “Because it’ll be just like it used to, you know? With you there with us. It was fun.”

An odd sort of wistful smile appeared on his lips as he played with his food. You couldn’t quite figure out why it seemed so distant and detached, but didn’t think too much about it. After all, you were busy worrying about how to deal with his best friend later.

You were regretting ever getting involved with Jaehyun in the first place because it made things so messy. It made you think over what you were saying, and rethink it. Contemplating whether you should say something or not, was just a big mess.

Another thing that was the same about this summer, Jaehyun was there.

But you’d worry about that later because you had managed to cajole Johnny into getting you froyo before you met up with him. So while he did that, you decided to venture into the little bookstore right next to the frozen yogurt shop.

It was a quaint place, cozy and welcoming. The owner was often seen typing away at her laptop, supposedly writing her own book to display up one day. You walked through the aisles, scanning the shelves for a title that caught your eye. Some were familiar, ones you had read when you were younger, and some you had never heard of, but one, in particular, made your eyes widen.

You can call me babe for the weekend by Jung Jaehyun.

It was as if your body worked on its own accord, feet leading you to where that book was. The spine of it was a light sage green, the letters were printed out onto the cover in a darker colour. His name jumped out at you from everything else. Slipping the book out, you turned it over to read the summary.

It was a love story, intriguing from what you could tell. You never really took him as a sappy love story kind of guy, but apparently, he wrote them. No wonder he was so popular, he catered to what people wanted. Biting down on your lower lip, you sucked in a breath, making a split-second decision.

Holding the book close to you, you walked up to the check-out counter, signaling for the owner. She got a little startled, flashing you an apologetic smile for being distracted, and shut her laptop. 

“This one?” “Yes please,” you said, and she smiled. You almost caught her name on the tag she wore, but she turned around to get a paper bag from the other end for your book. “Here's the bill.”

Forgetting about it quickly you paid, taking the bag from her hands.

“It’s a good book,” she said, and you cocked your head to the side. Blinking, she smiled sheepishly, “I’ve read most of his books, simply because I can brag about how I know him- Y/n right? We used to go to middle school together if I’m not mistaken.

It was then you noticed she was about your age, with brown hair that got lighter towards the end and honeyed brown eyes that complimented it. It definitely felt as if you had met her before, almost as if you knew who she was and yet you couldn’t quite place her.

“Yeah,” you said, “I’m sorry I don’t remember-”

“It’s fine,” she waved her hand nonchalantly, “Enjoy the book! It’s really good.” Opening up her laptop again, she seemed to be deep in thought, before looking back up at you. “Do you have a story?”

At this, you frowned in confusion, leaning against the counter and letting the pretty white paper bag hang from your wrist, “Story?”

“Nevermind,” she muttered, “It’s just a lot of people that come here- they have stories you know? Everyone has one, I think.” The same sort of wistful smile you saw on your brother’s face appeared on hers. “Maybe yours hasn’t begun yet, or maybe you don’t know it.”

Her words struck something inside of you, something you couldn’t quite decipher. Perhaps you did have a story and didn’t know it yet. Perhaps you were still waiting for it to begin. You nodded curtly, bidding her farewell and reaching the door when she called out to you.

“Y/n!”

“Hm?” You turned around and she had that same look on her face. Glancing down at her laptop screen, she looked back up at you.

“Tell me your story when you figure it out.”

chapter five: gold rush

It was an ungodly hour of the night, or morning if you were getting into technicalities. Your phone screen glared back at you, 3:00 am staring you in the eye in white. This was probably one of the reasons why you weren’t such a morning person because you were the idiot who stayed up till the ass crack of dawn.

You shut your eyes for a moment, before handing your head and looking at the book that sat in your lap. Jaehyuns book, of course, you had taken it upon yourself to start it that evening, but you never expected to be sitting there, with it all finished.

The story itself was a rollercoaster, it even had you tearing up at a few instances. There was no doubt that he was a talented writer, and deserved to be where he was.

He was just too damn perfect, the person everyone wanted to be and everyone wanted. This madness had started three years ago, and now that you were back home with almost everything the same, you couldn’t help but think.

A part of you was still stuck at seventeen, and probably always would be. A part of you, especially after reading his stupid book with a stupid happy ending and with everybody content, you couldn’t help but wonder if you’d ever have that. Why did it seem like everybody else got theirs while you were stuck with being bitter?

Everyone wanted Jaehyun. He was practically perfect in every way, absolutely beautiful. If they didn’t want to be him, they wanted him for themselves. Maybe that’s what made you feel so special when he chose you that summer.

You were among the mass of people who also wanted him, you soon realized. You weren’t all that special after all. You would forever be just one in the crowds, just another girl who was affected by his charms. 

You buried your head in your hands, sighing defeatedly. This was ridiculous, all of this had happened three years ago, more than enough time for you to make your peace with it and move on with your life. You thought you had, with college and everything.

But now you were back where you started, not knowing what the fuck you wanted to do with your life, forced into a past you didn’t want to indulge in. You were twenty-one, without the slightest idea of how to navigate.

Growing up shouldn’t have been this hard. 

“Oh god,” you scoffed humourlessly, wondering how you had spiraled into that train of thought after reading a romance novel. Ah yes, this was what two and a half years of college had taught you.

Wonderful. 

Pressing the power button of your phone, you squinted to take in the time. Only six minutes had passed since the last time you checked, and tiredness set in. Your eyelids drooped and you placed the book on your bedside table, yawning.

You’d leave the thinking for when it wasn’t three in the morning.

~

Someone had got to be kidding you.

You stood there, gaping at Jaehyun, who was busy talking to a few seniors. Why was he here? Why did the world deem it okay for you to bump into him at every place? So many questions that would never be answered.

You were currently visiting your old high school just for kicks, when you spotted him there, one hand in the pocket of his jeans and the other gesturing as he spoke. His attire was formal, a dress shirt and blazer. All in all, he looked good, almost annoyingly so.

You had been to the library so far, and now you regretted deciding to venture out into the halls you once roamed as a student. Rooted to the spot, you tried thinking of a way to get out of your current situation, but the exit was on the other end of the hallway, which meant you’d have to pass him.

Straightening up, you tried your best to walk past him nonchalantly, but he turned around just as you were passing, catching onto your figure and calling out to you.

“Y/n!”

Goddammit.

Turning around awkwardly on your heel, you plastered on a smile. “Jaehyun! Didn’t see you there!” 

Lying was a bad thing but hey, it wasn’t like your nose was growing any bigger. He raised an eyebrow, turning to face you properly and you averted your gaze. Okay, so maybe you weren’t a great liar, but that wasn’t the point. Swallowing nervously, you asked, “So what are you doing here?”

He took a few steps closer to where you were standing. “Since I was in town, the school invited me to give the kids a talk since I’m apparently a successful writer.” He gave you a small grin and a roll of his eyes with this statement. 

“Ah,” you said with your extensive conversation skills, “I’m um, here because I wanted to be.”

Jaehyun chuckled, “That’s cool too.” He looked around, cocking his head to the side as if calling you, “Come with me.”

“Huh?” You frowned in confusion, but followed him anyways, walking through the hallways and quickly fell into step with him. He pushed the doors open and both of you exited the school building, finding yourselves outside.

You walked a little forward, leaning against the railing. All in all the school seemed to be more or less the same from what you remembered, just devoid of the familiar faces you had once been so used to. It was funny, how almost all of them had left the town while you had come back.

You supposed that was the problem, everything seemed to be the same on the surface, but when you looked a little deeper, it was really very different. You had always been taught to never take things at face value, and that concept definitely translated into your current life.

But sometimes you wished you could take it at face value, your life would be so much easier that way, you were sure.

“So uh, we need to talk, don’t we?”

You looked at him, humming in question. He stood beside you, giving you a pointed look as if he expected you to know what he was talking about. Sighing, Jaehyun continued, “I mean, it’s been a little weird between us don’t you think? Especially since we keep running into each other.”

Pressing your lips together in a thin line, you nodded, looking away from him and sighing. “Yeah I’m sorry about that, I guess I just got startled seeing you here.”

“Why?”

You shrugged, “I don’t know, still adjusting to being back I guess and you were a pretty big part of it.” Your words were fairly innocent, but they held a deeper message that he could almost catch. 

It was true after all, you had met Jaehyun for the first time when you were nine and he was ten. You had been in the fourth grade, busy doing your math homework on the table in your living room when Johnny burst through in all his fifth-grade glory.

He had just come back from soccer practice, mud staining his socks and a bright grin on his face. He held a football under his arm as he yelled, “MOOOOM!”

You looked up from your work, playing with your pencil and frowning, “Shut up.”

“You shut up!”

“Kids!” Your mother yelled back, walking into the area of the house the two of you were in, “No screaming aren’t you supposed to be doing your homework?”

“He distracted me,” you justified, pointing at your brother, who refused to admit this, instead chose to ignore you completely. This wasn’t at all appreciated by you, but you had math to finish, which was arguably more important than Johnny.

“I got a friend,” he said, taking a step to the side to reveal another, slightly smaller boy standing behind him. Then again, Johnny had always been a little taller than most, so the new boy was probably at a pretty good height for being ten.

He had rosy cheeks and fluffy hair, giving him a scruffy look. He too wore a uniform similar to your brothers, a smile on his face that lit up his childish features and showed his dimples. He walked up, smiling at your mother since he hadn’t seen you yet.

“Hi Mrs. Suh! I’m Jaehyun!” He said, voice much higher than it was now. Your mother smiled, resting her hand on his head and patting it affectionately.

“Hi honey, I’m so happy to see you! Will you be staying for dinner?” She cupped Jaehyun's small face, bringing him to look up at her. He frowned in thought, “I’ll have to ask my mom! Can I please use your phone?”

To this your mother agreed, gesturing to her phone which was kept on the table where you were sitting. He skipped over, taking it and giving it to your mother, but first smiled at you, holding out his hand.

“Hi! I’m Johnny’s friend Jaehyun!”

You looked at him curiously, taking his hand and shaking it, the scene was rather amusing for your mother since it was so formal for a couple of kids. “Hi Johnny’s friend Jaehyun, I’m Y/n! His sister.”

He frowned, taking the phone back from your mother and punching in his own mother’s number. “You can just call me Jaehyun.”

“Okay-”

“Ignore her, she’s annoying,” Johnny stated, receiving a light, playful smack from your mother. Muttering out a half-assed, not at all sincere apology, the two boys ran into your brother’s room.

You met him at nine, your nine-year-old self would have never even thought about falling in love with him. Life was funny that way, it threw you for a look every time.

“I suppose that’s true,” Jaehyun said, snapping you out of your thoughts and bringing you back to the present. You blinked, realizing he was responding to you. “But whatever happened, doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, right?”

Oh.

He was thinking about the summer, oh god. That definitely complicated things, but you saw no flaw in his reasoning. Sucking it up, you nodding, smiling softly as you met his gaze.

“Yeah, we’re friends.”

chapter six: catching up

You were starting to think Ailiseu really lived the dream life, especially since she was complaining about her brother at the moment.

Without context, that would sound odd. How did complaining about one’s brother translate into having a perfect life? In that case, you should have been giving the Kardashians a run for their money in the luxury department.

But apart from being practically perfect herself, her brother was Zhong Chenle. Practically everybody knew that name, he was the current hottest celebrity and had topped the Billboard charts with his music several times. He was currently on everybody’s playlists, even your own.

Ailiseu was related to a celebrity, she was living the life. 

You had known Chenle, he was somewhat of a younger brother to you as well. When you were fifteen with her, he was a bright eyed thirteen year old with a shit-eating grin. He would follow Ailiseu around and was always singing. You would often see him with his friend, the two of them would prank you and your friend very often.

So seeing him in a magazine in a photo shoot, as the face of some brands, was a little jarring if you were being honest. He was once a geeky little kid, now one of the most successful, youngest people in the industry.

He left the town to pursue his career when he was seventeen, moving to Korea to do so. Sometimes you felt a little inferior, you still didn’t know what you were doing with your life and he was out there making a name for himself.

“He hung up on me because he was going to dinner with some Celebrity Chef- can you believe the nerve? I’m his sister, his flesh and blood and he just threw me off!” She huffed, plopping down next to you on her bed. You had to take a moment to digest that statement.

“Hell girl I’d ditch anyone to meet a celebrity,” you quipped, picking up your phone and switching it on. “He’s living his best life out there.”

Your response wasn’t appreciated, and Ailiseu hit you playfully on your arm. You let out an exaggerated wail of pain, scooting away from her. “Demon.”

“That me!” She said chirpily, blowing a kiss in your direction, “And he should be used to the whole Hollywood shebang by this point. He’s going on tour soon.”

“That’s amazing, I know a celebrity personally damn.”

“Is that all you picked up from this?” She pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration and you laughed, leaning against her headboard of the bed. It was nice, being able to do this again as if you were just a bunch of high school kids again. Resting your chin on the tips of your fingers, you smirked.

“So, Yuta?”

She flushed, shrugging as nonchalantly as possible. “He’s nice.”

“Just nice? Don’t you remember the aging crush you had on him junior year- OW!?” You flinched when she hit you with her pillow. “I do not remember you being this aggressive what the hell?”

“You deserve it honey, and what about junior year? If I remember correctly, you were busy pining over Jung Jaehyun?” She wiggled her eyebrows at you suggestively, knowing she caught you. “Oh wait! You had been doing that since the beginning of high school.”

Rolling your eyes, you refused to answer that, scrolling through your phone for a bit. While everything that had happened back then had definitely hurt you, Ailiseu knew all about it, and it was easy talking and joking about it with her. At least then, there was someone to stop you from spiraling.

Clearing your throat, you started again, “You know, he’s back in town?”

She raised an eyebrow, “What, really? What are the odds, you come back and he’s there too?” She brought her knees up to her chest, “Maybe it’s a sign for you to go running back to him.” Her tone was light and casual, you knew she was being sarcastic, and yet you couldn’t help but think about it. It was pretty amazing how the two of you were at the same place at the same time.

Ailiseu noticed the shift in your demeanor, eyes widening. “Girl no, don’t say you’re actually going to-?”

You shook your head, letting out a forced laugh. “No, it’s just a little weird I guess.” You chewed on your lower lip, “I agreed to be friends with him again, though.”

“That’s how it always starts, he literally dropped you so easily! I don’t care how perfect he is, that was pretty heartless.” She said firmly, cupping your face and forcing you to look at her. Her eyes softened and she sighed. 

“Just...promise me you won’t do anything stupid okay? It’s easy to fall back into old habits.”

It sounded like a warning like she knew what she was talking about, eyes laced with concern. That scared you a little, but you nodded curtly, bringing her hands down from your face and squeezing them affectionately.

“I promise.”

chapter seven: lay the table with the fancy shit

You looked at yourself in the mirror one last time, deeming your outfit appropriate, and walked out of your room, jogging down the stairs. The Jungs were coming home for dinner today since your parents deemed it the perfect time seeing everyone was around. 

You let your hair out of its ponytail, running your fingers through it to the tips to brush it out a little so it framed your face nicely. Once you had arrived downstairs, you began helping around, starting by setting the table.

The thought of spending the evening with him definitely didn’t seem quite as stifling or daunting as it once had, but you were still a little nervous. Ailiseus’s words stuck out with you- what was it again? Something about old habits being easy to fall back into? Whatever it was, for some reason it felt like a warning.

The doorbell rang and you abandoned your task, which was almost done anyways and walked up to open. Johnny was still getting ready while your father was helping your mother in the kitchen, which left you with door duty. You opened it, smiling at the three figures that stood there.

“Good evening Mr. and Mrs. Jung! Jaehyun,” you greeted then, acknowledging him last. His own mother went off into a tangent about how pretty you looked and how grown up you seemed. Jaehyun handed you some flowers and a bottle of wine they had brought along.

You walked into the kitchen, placing the bottle down on a counter and looking around for how you could help. Yes, you didn’t mind being around them, but you’d much rather stay away if you were being honest.

You decided to get the drinks, now that you were legal and allowed to drink. Your parents took out the appetizers, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

Until of course, the devil himself walked in, fixing the cuff of his sleeve. He looked really good, hair left loose instead of being styled formally. You looked up from pouring your own drink, swallowing the sudden lump in your throat.

“Hey, want something to drink?”

“Sure,” he said, stuffing his hands into his pockets and taking a few steps closer, standing next to you. You pressed your lips together in an attempt to not react, placing the bottle down and handing him his glass.

He took it from you, flashing you that pretty smile of his that could make your knees buckle when you were younger. You hated the fact that you still got carried away with the idea of him.

“So,” you cleared your throat and decided to start some sort of conversation so it wasn’t awkward, “How is it being a bigshot writer?”

He giggled at your question, eyes lighting up like a kid, you couldn’t help but smile. Shaking some hair out of his face, he answered, “It’s pretty normal, I just write for a living, sometimes win an award and have the blue tick on Instagram. Sometimes people recognize me, but those are the exciting days.”

Dry humour always had been a part of his character. You snorted, opening the freezer to get a few ice cubes and dropping them into your own drink, before taking a sip. “How glamorous, I know two celebrities now.”

His eyebrows furrowed, “Two?”

“Yeah, Chenle and you,” to this, he let out a sound of realization, nodding. “I’ve met Chenle on several occasions in the city.” He took a sip of his drink, “It was pretty surprising seeing him there at first.”

“I can imagine,” you muttered, “Shall we go back into the living room?”

He nodded, and the two of you walked back together. By this time, Johnny had made his presence known, dragging Jaehyun away to talk. You shook yourself out of the slight trance the latter had thrown you into. It was something only he was able to do with you, you felt like a little kid looking up at him.

Taking a seat on the side of the sofa next to your mother, you made an attempt to figure out what the adults were talking about. It was laughable, how you still referred to them as adults even though you were one yourself.

You supposed you still had to grow up, in a sense.

chapter eight: meet me behind the mall

Yuta was lying down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He didn’t speak, he wasn’t even listening to any music, he was just there. This was something he liked to do, to contemplate his decisions. He always had been the type of person you thought before he acted, especially when it came to something as big as this.

In short, he wasn’t impulsive. Impulse often led to downfall or poorly planned out events, somethings failures altogether. 

He knew he was still young and had plenty of time in his life left. From a logical standpoint, this was a pretty rash decision on his part. What if things didn’t work out? What if it was all a big mistake?

He knew he loved Ailiseu, the both of them had been going out for two years now. The memories were strong, and she gave him a feeling of warmth and a sense of home. She was familiar since he had known her since he was fourteen.

He sighed, turning over to his side. He had been lucky enough to have the most perfect girl in the world to call his own. In his eyes, she was perfect, as she was to most of the rest of the world. He slipped his hand into his pocket, bringing out a small box.

When he told his mother what he was contemplating, she had been extremely excited, muttering the usual mother spiel of her child growing up too fast. With several questions later, she disappeared off into the bedroom, only to reappear with that same box in her hand.

Yuta opened the box, to reveal a small dainty ring. It was classy, just a small diamond resting atop the crown of the pretty silver band. He picked it out, examining the piece of jewelry.

“It’s a family heirloom,” his mother had informed him fondly, “Passed down through the last three generations.” With that, she placed it in his hands, squeezing them, “And now it’s yours, sweetheart.”

He was dumbfounded, to say the least, that she trusted him with that ring. His mother believed him, so this had to be the right thing to do...right?”

Some would say he was too young to be thinking about marriage, and in all honesty, he agreed. But then again, what he felt towards Ailiseu was real and strong, he was sure of it. If it wasn’t he would have never even considered doing this in the first place.

Yuta wasn’t the type to play around a lot, he believed in working towards what you wanted, and he had done exactly that. Now he had her, and he was ready to promise her everything, as much as he could give.

He was also a bit of a romantic.

Putting the ring back in its casing, he shut the box. A satisfying snap was heard as it closed, and he placed it on his bedside table, shutting his eyes.

All he needed to do now was figure out the perfect time to ask.

~

Hanging around Jaehyun with Johnny was something you were pretty used to. You had done this all the time when you were younger, in fact, Johnny used to just assume you were coming along.

What you were not used to was Jaehyun showing up at your doorstop and telling you to come with him without Johnny.

Which was how you found yourself sitting in the passenger seat of his old car, knees pulled up to your chest as you bit down on your waffle. He had insisted on buying them for the two of you and refused to let you pay for your own.

It was alright though, free food was always a plus.

“So,” you started, breaking off one of the end pieces of your waffle and nibbling on it. “Are you going to tell me why you dragged me out to the-” you peered out of the window and frowned, “middle of nowhere?”

He rolled his eyes, “It’s not the middle of nowhere, we’re behind the mall.”

“Behind the- why would one even come here?” Some cream cheese from your waffle slid down onto your palm and you scooped it up, “Okay, why?”

“Why we came here? Can’t I just hang out with a friend?” He asked, prompting you to scoff. As if you were going to believe that nonsense. You shoved the piece of waffle in his face, and accused.

“My brother is your friend. Me? I’m the annoying little sister you let tag along out of pity.” Though the statement was basically you making fun of yourself, you said it light-heartedly, almost triumphantly as you knew you had caught him there. You smirked and he sighed, finishing off his own waffle.

“Fine, you’re fun to be with okay?”

You raised an eyebrow, “Oh? Fun am I? I suppose that’s why you decided to play around with me in the summer.” The words were out of your mouth before you could comprehend them yourself. His eyes widened slightly at the sudden attack and you winced, “Sorry I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s okay,” he said, “We were young and dumb and it didn’t really mean anything. We were just fooling around.”

You had lived through him telling you you were just a fling, but hearing again after all these years? For some goddamn reason, it hurt just as much as it did all those years ago. Pressing your lips together, you nodded curtly.

How else were you supposed to respond? This was Jaehyun for goodness sake, you never knew how to navigate anything when it came to him. That was your own fault, you had let yourself get swayed with him.

But it hurt because you hadn’t told anyone other than Ailiseu, it hurt because you had bottled it up for so long and now that you were here you felt like a pressure cooker that finally had to let off some steam. And what better time than now, right? He was right there.

Sucking in a deep breath, you braced yourself and finally jumped. “Except,” you shut your eyes for a moment, catching his attention. “It wasn’t just ‘fun’ to me.”

Jaehyun frowned, “I’m not following-”

“That summer,” you cleared your throat, suddenly finding that your almost finished waffle was extremely interesting, “I didn’t think of it as nothing, it wasn’t just a summer fling to me- I actually liked you.” Your voice was just above a whisper right now, and you refused to meet his eyes.

“I-” He stuttered, “Oh my god I’m so sorry-”

“It’s fine,” you waved him off, “Like you said we were young and dumb and it was so long ago, I just saw you as my brothers cool older friend.” You forced a laugh, busying your mouth with the rest of your waffle. An awkward silence settled over the two of you, it was almost too much too bear.

Oh god, this was a mistake, you should have kept your mouth shut. You shouldn’t have told him, why did you ever think that was a good idea?

“Uh- well forget about that,” you said, “I have to be home to help my mom with dinner.” He didn’t press any question, instead nodded, “Yeah, of course, I’ll drop you back.” His cheeks were a little flushed, the tips of his ears were bright red. 

The drive back was painfully silent, to say the least, none of you had anything to say. You played with your fingers, looking out the window at the scenery as it became more and more familiar. 

He pulled up in front of your house and you got out, shutting the door after you. You hesitated, before turning around and bending down to the window with a small smile on your face.

“Jaehyun?”

“Hmm?” He looked up at you, seemingly distracted and deep in thought. That was because of you, you knew, but it was okay.

“Thanks for the waffles.”

chapter nine: i’m staying at my parent’s house

“I read your book.”

Jaehyun looked to his side and at you, his attention settling on you from the movie. The three of you had been watching a late-night movie, but Johnny had fallen asleep midway, which was made very clear by the snoring. It was okay though, more popcorn for you.

While the movie was pretty interesting, it followed a generic plot, and even though talking seemed to be particularly dangerous when it came to you and Jaehyun, you indulged anyway.

Clearly, you were a slow learner.

“One of them,” you clarified, “The one about the fake dating?”

“Oh right! That one,” he said, voice softer than usual for the benefit of your brother. “It’s my latest one actually.”

You hummed, glancing at the TV. “I think it's so amazing how you can string words together like that. It was beautiful.” This was the truth, you had genuinely enjoyed it a little too much, more than you were willing to admit. “I also find it amazing how you already know what you’re doing with your life.”

He chuckled, tongue poking against the inside of his cheek. “You could say that.”

It sounded as if he was objecting to your statement. Clicking your tongue, you shook your head, “I could- like come on you knew when you were what, seventeen? Meanwhile, I’m here wondering what the fuck I’m doing.”

“That’s okay though, I guess I’ve just been pushed to figure stuff out.” He turned to face you properly, “But in truth, sometimes I wonder if this was the right thing for me.”

“What? Being a talented and best-selling author isn’t it?” You leaned forward from where you were sitting on the couch, reaching a hand out and curling your fingers into a fist to mimic a microphone. The sides of his mouth quirked upwards at this.

To your surprise, he raised his own hand, holding your wrist as if it was an actual microphone. Your eyes widened at this in surprise, heat rising to your face at the contact. Looking at him, you realized he was smirking and had to bite back the urge to scowl at him for being so infuriating.

“Well, I write love stories, and I’m going through a sort of block right now,” he said slowly, voice still soft, but his words seemed calculated. His eyes never left yours, keeping his gaze on you. It was a little intimidating if you were being honest.

It was something he seemed to like to do because he knew the effect he had on people. He liked to see their reactions when he pushed them a little, which was something you were extremely well versed with, and it still affected you.

“A block?”

“How do you write a love story when you’ve never been in a serious relationship? Making shit up gets old after a while.”

“So Mr. Bigshot didn’t have any lovers out there in the city?” You asked, not quite believing that statement. He scoffed, shaking his head.

“Don’t think hookups are valid.”

Now that was information you didn’t need, but you nodded anyways. He smiled, but something was off about it, it almost looked- scared? You weren’t quite sure, so you asked.

“You’re faking that smile, aren’t you?”

He licked his lips, “How did you know?” 

“If you pay attention to someone, you pick up the little things,” you shrugged, “Why?”

“I’m just,” he hesitated and shrugged like a little kid. “Sometimes I take a moment to realize I’ve made it, and then the next moments that follow are me figuring out how to keep it.” He sighed, “And with this whole block about my next book, it feels like it’s slipping away faster than I intended it to.”

Swallowing because your throat had suddenly gone dry under his gaze, you answered, “Well, you’ll figure it out. At least you have made it, I’m just floating.”

“I hope I do, I’ve never really failed at anything,” he admitted, “And what? You’re so talented, you’ll sort things out soon enough.”

You realized the two of you were still in that position, with his fingers curled around your wrist, barely a few centimeters away from his face. Flushing, you pulled away, rubbing your hand where he had held it.

“I actually have an interview on Friday,” you resumed eating your beloved popcorn, looking to the television again. “For that store beside the yogurt shop, you used to work at in high school, which by the way was the best job ever.”

“You only think that because I used to give you free froyo.”

“I never denied it, did I?”

Looking over to him, you kept up a serious front for a grand total of two minutes, before bursting into laughter, as did he. What followed was hushed whispers to keep it down considering it was late, but the smile on your face never dropped.

“Tell you what,” you started placing the bowl of popcorn to the side, “When you finish your next book, tell me. That way I have something to look forward too and you have someone to please.” He smiled, agreeing with this.

“I wouldn’t want to let you down, would I?”

chapter ten: dancing in your levis, drunk under a streetlight

Your town absolutely loved Halloween, it was a pretty big holiday that was always celebrated with pomp and cheer. Children dressed up, trick or treating was a must and the candy stores favored it too.

And at the end of it all, the Halloween festival took place, where the whole town came together for the celebrations. There was even a dance, which was all in good fun. You had missed the season here with your years away.

The summer had slipped away and before you knew it it was the day before the holiday, All Hallows Eve. You got that job at the store, but today in honor of the spooky season, you were let off work early so you could get ready.

Your costume was a simple one, a baby pink dress that had a few ruffles here and there along with sequins lining it, paired with those cheap fairy wings that are available in toy stores. A witch was a little too generic and overused even for you, 

Your makeup complimented the outfit, you kept it plain and natural because of the louder outfit. Deeming yourself presentable, you collected your things and walked out the door. You were alone since you were the only one left, the rest of your family were already present at the festival.

Except you weren’t alone because leaning against his car just outside your house was Jaehyun, dressed up as a vampire, fangs and all. You raised an eyebrow, walking down the steps towards him.

“Hey, Count Dracula.”

He smiled, which was a little odd since he had fangs poking out and onto his bottom lip (not that you were staring, “From Hotel Transylvania, in the flesh.”

“Oh? So then where your daughter old man?”

“Old man- daughter??”

You pat him on the shoulder, “Seems like you need to rewatch the movie dude.”

He rolled his eyes, “I’ve come to pick you up...what are you?” He frowned, eyes sweeping over your figure. You tutted disappointedly, shaking your head.

“It’s very sweet of you to wait for me Jae, but you couldn’t even figure out what I am?”

He whined, opening the door of the passenger seat for you and cocking his head to the side. “Focus on how sweet I am and tell me what you are.”

You smiled sweetly, getting into the car, ignoring the small warm feeling that was blooming in the pit of your stomach at the fact he waited for you. He shut the door, jogging over to the other side and getting into the driver’s seat. “I’m a fairy, dumbass.”

“Well, if it makes it better, you’re the prettiest fairy I’ve ever known.” He said this with a sing-song lilt to his voice and you leaned back in your seat, pressing your lips together and hoping the dark of the car hid your obvious flustered state with that statement of his.

“Just drive Mr. Vampire, we’re already late.”

“Blah blah blah blah,” he responded oh so maturely, using the signature line from the movie. Chuckling, you fiddled with the radio so it played a song you liked.

You reached the venue in a matter of minutes, the bright orange and brown colors popping. The place had been decorated wonderfully, and it brought back a sense of childish excitement in you. Part of you wanted to pick up one of the plastic pumpkin baskets and go around collecting an abundance of skittles.

Opening the door, you looked around with a wistful smile on your face. Turning around to look at Jaehyun, you gestured towards the festival.

“Come on, let’s go! I want to get as many bloody drinks that are available.”

You joined the rest of your family and friends, taking a bloody mary from one of the stalls. Ailiseu was dressed as a witch and Yuta was a cat, her ‘familiar as she called it. He seemed less than thrilled to be her cat, but with how he looked at her when she spoke about it and how excited she was, you speculated that it wasn’t all bad.

It was cute, seeing them together. Sometimes you couldn’t help but feel a tad jealous but then again, they probably made everyone and their third removed cousin feel single.

The night was lovely, lots of chatting and conversing with fellow residents of the town, some you had known since you were a child. You made sure to keep up the talking politely, even passing ways with the owner of the store you had taken an interview with.

Looking over your shoulder to locate the snack table, your eyes met with Jaehyuns briefly. You smiled softly, before saw the snacks, and decided that they were more important.

The night, all in all, was great, you received a lot of comments on your costume and danced with a few people, including your brother. After a bit, you decided you needed to get off your feet and took a seat at one of the tables.

You had almost forgotten how it felt to be a part of this community, to be with all these people you loved. With a start, you realized that you had been homesick, extremely homesick. Being back you hadn’t really figured it out until this moment. You had been visiting places of importance to you, only to see that things were so much more different than you expected them to be.

The tone of the evening changed as the music slowed down as the night progressed. Another thing you realized was how painfully alone you were, of course, Ailiseu made sure to drop by from time to time before getting whisked off with her boyfriend, your mother was busy dancing with your father and Johnny, well, you really couldn’t say much about him.

“Not much of a dancer?” 

You looked up to see Jaehyun there and scoffed, “Are you trailing me or something?”

He smirked, “Nah, just saw you sitting all mopey here so thought I’d try and help with that.” His hands were in his pockets as he stood there, towering over you since you were sitting. “Wanna dance?”

“Why would you ask me?” You raised an eyebrow, looking around, “You know there are about ten other girls waiting to catch your eye, right?”

“And? I’m asking you out of all of them. Also because you’re the only one I know.”

“Ah yes, telling someone they’re your pity dance and last resort is the way to win over a girl,” you quipped, amused as you got to your feet, “But sure, lead the way.”

You followed him, the both of you coming to a stop when you reached the spot on the floor. You placed your hand on his shoulder, and the other found his, fingers intertwining as he raised it. His other hand rested on your waist, a smile on his face.

“I took dance classes in college.”

“So then you should be able to make up for my nonexistent dancing skills,” you joked, slowly swaying with him to the music. He let out an amused sound, nodding slowly. 

“I suppose I’ll have to, though to be fair this is just basic prom shit, don’t you think?”

“Did you go to prom dressed as a vampire in Levis? And I didn’t go to senior prom,” you said, “The new Chis Hemsworth movie had come out and I had my priorities straight. That and the fact I didn’t have a date.” To this, he looked surprised, twirling you around.

“You? No date? That's impossible, who wouldn’t want to go to prom with you.” The two of you came back to your initial position. “So you didn’t get to do the whole getting your dress and stuff?”

“Mother goose was devastated that she couldn’t go dress shopping with me, but she quickly got over it and harassed Johnny instead. I’ll say it was a win.” You smirked triumphantly as you moved to the music. You giggled, causing him to smile and twirl you again. The song was coming to an end.

“Well, I think you would have looked lovely in a prom dress. If I wasn’t at college I would have asked you.”

The two of you came to a stop and you scoffed, “So is asking me to dance out of pity a thing you’re into or…..?”

“I mean it,” he said, giving you a pointed look, “I would have taken you. Not out of pity.” He squeezed your hand affectionately, “I think you would have looked breathtaking.” He sounded so sincere, that you were honestly surprised.

What surprised you more was the close proximity between your faces, he was just there. If you moved even a little forward, you would be able to kiss him. His eyes dropped to your lips for a moment, and that thought seemed a lot more enticing.

Then you did a double take- since when were you thinking about kissing Jaehyun? You took a step away from him, avoiding his eyes and pulling away. You had forgotten how easy it was to be sucked into his little world, into him. There was something absolutely magnetic about him, and for some reason, you seemed to the iron filings.

Like a moth to a flame. 

“T-thanks for the dance,” you managed to get out, “I’ll see you around.”

And with that the vampire watched the fairy leave.

chapter eleven: the lakes

“Do you enjoy seeing me squirm?”

The question was blunt and Jaehyun chuckled, turning into the street and seeing that it was deserted, went a little faster. A small amused smile settled on his lips as he looked at your indignant expression from the side of his eyes. “Maybe I do.”

You pressed your lips together, looking at the passing landscape through the window. These sudden impromptu outings were starting to become the new normal, he’d show up, and more often than not it was for you. You were sure Johnny was getting suspicious, but he had to work so until you had received a call from hopefully your new boss, this was the best way to fill in your time.

“So not even a hint?” 

“Nope,” he said, popping the p, “Don’t you like surprises?”

“Yeah, when I was like, twelve.” you snorted, “I swear I’ve been everywhere in town, so how come I don’t recognize the way?”

“You will when we reach. You’ve only been there once and that’s all the information I’ll be giving you.”

“Generous, and how do you know I’ve only been to this place once?” You shrugged off your jacket and folded it neatly, placing it on your lap. It was too hot outside for one anyways, but your mother had insisted. She was probably one of the reasons you still felt like a kid.

“I was the one who took you,” he said cockily, causing you to roll your eyes and cross your arms. God, he was just so annoying, and for some unknown reason, you liked it. You liked it a lot.

“You seem to be taking me to a lot of places recently,” you observed, looking over at him. His hair curled around his neck, in its naturally curly state, and a small smile playing on his lips as he drove.  “Why is that?”

“You asked me this the last time too, can’t you just accept that I want to spend time with you?” He glanced at you briefly, “We’re almost there, by the way.”

“Oh thank god, I thought this drive was never going to end.”

“Are you saying you’re tired of me?”

“Hey, you said it, not me,” you wiggled your eyebrows at him and he shook his head in amusement, pulling up to the side of the street. You got out of the car, realizing no one else was around, and turned to him, “Are you going to murder me in a deserted field or something? Because I would be missed.”

“Trust me a little, would you?”

“It’s good to be skeptical,” you walked around the car and to the side where he was standing. Cocking his head to the side, he gestured to the forest and began walking.

“What- we’re going into the forest? Dude, we could get killed!”

“By the frogs?”

“Oh fuck off,” you trudged after him, leaves crunching under your shoes. You looked around before your surroundings started to seem vaguely familiar. He turned around, a bright, dangerous looking grin on his face. Reaching a hand out, he glanced at it.

“You want me to hold your hand?”

“Just take it dammit.”

You obliged, and he pulled you along until you reached a small pathway. The two of you walked down it until you came to a little clearing that was extremely familiar. You let out a breath, turning to face him.

“You took me to-”

“The lake,” he finished for you, “I brought you here that summer, and you were absolutely mesmerized by the place, so I thought it would be fun to bring you back.” He smiled, taking some pride in the awestruck look in your eyes as you scanned the area.

“I remember,” you said softly, leaning against one of the barks of the trees. The scene that lay before you was stunning, the canopy and foliage of the trees towering over the place, ivy and moss covered the ground and in the middle of it, all was a lake.

“It’s been so long,” you looked back at him, and smiled, rolling your eyes when you saw him staring at you expectantly. “Fine, fine, I should have trusted you.”

“And-?” “Don’t push it,” you warned and he snickered, taping you abruptly on the shoulder, before turning on his heel and breaking into a run, “You’re it!”

“What- ARE WE TWELVE- JUNG JAEHYUN!”

You broke into a run since you had no other choice than to chase after him. He was surprisingly fast, but then again you remembered watching him play at his soccer games when you were fourteen. This proved to be a challenge for you, considering you were the one who had to run after him.

But if there was anything you loved, it was a challenge.

You picked up your own pace, reaching out so that the tips of your fingers brushed against his coat. You managed to grab it, tugging and effectively causing him to jerk and stumble on his feet. You grabbed his arm triumphantly, smirking.

“Caught you,” you tilted your head upwards, nose in the air in mock snobbery. You kept your expression blank for a few minutes, before bursting into laughter, as did he. You looked around, feeling like a child again, but in a good way. This type of feeling was something you treasured, a feeling you had once been used to.

“Thanks,” you said, looking at him, “For bringing me here. I think I needed it.”

“I had a feeling,” he took a few steps closer to you, studying the look on your face. You looked happy, content at the moment, and he liked it on you. Spending time with you made him think of that one summer when you seemed to always be like it. In fact, he had been thinking about that time a lot.

He genuinely did like your company, which is why he fooled around with you when he was eighteen. It seemed like there wasn’t much difference between him then and him now.

You flushed under his gaze, and then it clicked. There was something else about the lakes, the reason why you liked it so much and you had a slight feeling he knew why. You glanced down from his eyes to where his lips were, sucking in a deep breath.

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you spoke, “You know, uh, this is also the place you-”

“I kissed you.”

He took another step forward and your breath hitched in your throat as stared at him. “I remember that.”

Your mind went into overdrive at the moment, seeing how close the two of you were, talking about that, you froze in place as the memory overtook you- well it would have, but before you knew it, his lips were on yours and you were sure it wasn’t recollection.

Jung Jaehyun was kissing you, and though it wasn’t for the first time, it still took your breath away. The kiss was slow and impossibly soft as if it was matching your surroundings. You kissed him back, eyes fluttering shut as you did so.

He pulled away, and you stood there, still feeling the ghost of his lips on yours, eyes still shut. A few seconds passed, but it seemed like an eternity to you as you tried to figure out what you felt. When you couldn’t however, you decided to follow the feeling instead. Maybe it was the memories, maybe it was the adrenaline from the running around, but your hands reached up, cupping his face to bring him back down to kiss you.

A familiar touch, one you were used to. His hands settled on your waist, tugging you closer as his mouth moved against yours. He was so gentle as if he was afraid he would break you. It was just how you remembered it to be.

And you couldn’t think of anything else, it was like he had claimed all of your senses and instructed them to focus on him and him only. You were acutely aware of his thumb rubbing circles on your waist through the fabric of your shirt, the way his lips were warm against your own, and how he held you as if you were made of glass.

Then he stopped kissing you, pushing some hair out of your face as you looked at him, cheeks burning, but a starstruck look in his eyes. He smiled softly.

“Still the place I kissed you.”

chapter twelve: surprise shawty

You got the job at the store, having received a class from the owner telling you you had to report at eight in the morning on Monday. It was not that different from the job you had taken up during college, which was at a cafe. Here, you didn’t have to make any drinks, seriously the number of times you had ruined pieces of clothing you loved was too many to count.

Standing behind the check-out counter you scrolled through Instagram. You thought it would be a lot busier, but so far only two people came in, and one walked out without even buying anything (which you could respect). To put it plainly, the job was uneventful.

But that didn’t matter, what mattered was you were getting paid.

You saw a few of your friend’s posts, double-tapping the screen and scrolling immediately past. They all seemed to know what they were doing with their life, with set careers and paths they were to take, while you were sitting behind a counter, watching it unfold before your eyes. 

Part of you wondered if you’d ever find something you truly loved to do. If you’d ever figure out what you wanted in and from life. It wasn’t a crime to be confused, but it wasn’t all that fun either. Sure, you could just pursue music, which was your major back in University, but that industry was extremely hard, and not everyone made it. Hence the term ‘starving artists’.

You propped your elbow up on the counter, resting your chin on the palm of your hand as you clicked on the explore page, picking a post that caught your eye and continued with your cycle of scrolling. It wasn’t like you had anything better to do anyway, this had to be the calmest job you had ever worked.

So engrossed in your activity, you didn’t notice the doors open. Jaehyun saw you sitting there, and walked over, leaning against the counter.

“So could you help me find something?”

You snapped your head up, ready to jump into the two-liner about welcoming the customer to the store that you had been instructed to say when you realized it was him. You got to your feet, switching your phone off and raising an eyebrow.

“And what could you be looking for?”

“Ramen. And wondering if you have a break soon.” He grinned and you shrugged, pointing to where the ramen could be prepared. 

“I’ve been on break for the last three hours,” you filled him in, walking out from behind the counter. “I assume you want to eat together or something, but be warned, I’m not sharing.”

“Who said anything about sharing?” He looked positively scandalized at the prospect of having to give you some of his precious ramen. You snorted, taking two of those prepared bowls of ramen down from a shelf, placing it under the water, and waiting for it to cook.

A few minutes later the two of you were back at the counter, but this time with food. It was comfortable, which was honestly a little surprising. The kiss at the lake that day hadn’t been the last between the two of you, and it was like being seventeen again. Except for this time, he asked you to be his girlfriend.

That alone was enough to throw you off- it couldn’t have been a prank right? But when you saw the genuine look in his eyes, you knew it wasn’t. You couldn’t help but feel special all over again, just like you had all those years ago. 

This time, it seemed like he actually liked you, and you definitely couldn’t deny the revival of your crush on him during your time back home. Hey, that wasn’t your fault, he had been the one being all nice and taking you places. What girl wouldn’t appreciate that?

“So how’s your first day on the job?” He asked, looking up from his noodles. You finished chewing your bite, raising your wrist to your mouth to cover it as you answered.

“Pretty good, better now that you’re here.”

“And she’s a flirt? You surprise me every day.” You elbowed him in the side, causing him to let out what could only be defined as a squawk of exaggerated pain. The sound was enough to make you stare at him in mild horror.

“What the hell was that sound?” You exclaimed, scooting as far as you could from him.

“It’s my laugh.” “That was a laugh? Oh hell no, that was a dying chicken.”

“Dying- Don’t even start, I’ve heard the sound you make every time you see puppies.” He pointed out, brandishing the disposable fork in your direction. You rolled your eyes, pushing it away.

“That is different, those are puppies. I’m seriously reconsidering this relationship.”

“OVER MY LAUGH?” “From now on I’ll be the one laughing for the both of us, “ you patted him on the head affectionately, “You just stick to the silent hot guy laugh.”

He cocked an eyebrow, smirking slightly. “So I’m hot now?” “Don’t push it.”

~

Seeing his baby sister and best friend lip-locked did not bode well with Johnny.

It was an accident, really, the two of you had been planning to keep everything on the down-low for a bit, until of course, Jaehyun accidentally kissed you before walking away, leaving you with a very distraught older brother.

Jaehyun turned on his heel, wincing, “Uh-”

Considering he hadn’t even known about the summer, this was a big shock. He stood there gaping, looking from you to Jaehyun. You panicked for a minute, getting up from where you were sitting and walking over to him. “Hey uh, I can explai-”

“WHAT THE FUCK?!”

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was how Johnny Suh found out you were in a relationship.

A relationship, yes that would be the term. After the second first kiss you had with Jaehyun, he took you on a date a few days later and you earned the title of girlfriend. Thinking about it made you a little giddy, in a good way. Never in a million years you would have thought you’d end up in this position.

Now, it would be an understatement if one said he handled it badly. To put it mildly, all hell broke loose at that moment.

You were his little sister, he knew every single thing about you, and to see you with no less than the boy he knew since he was ten? How did that happen? When did that happen and why in all that was good and holy was it happening?

“Shhh,” you shushed, squishing your brother’s face between your hands, “It’s not a big deal! We’ve only been going out for a month.”

“A month!!”

“We haven’t done anything,” you promised, to which Jaehyun clicked his tongue.

“We’ve kissed”

Johnny’s eyes grew wide, and you threw your boyfriend a dirty look, playfully slapping his arm. “Jae?”

“Mmhm?”

“Shut up.”

“Shutting up.”

Turning back to your brother, you smiled sheepishly. He sighed, putting his hand over yours and bringing it down. “I just need a little time to adjust to….this.”

“I couldn’t tell,” Jaehyun said dryly and you scowled at him, pointing to the door of the living room, signaling for him to leave. He tried to protest, but with one glare from you, he surrendered.

“Thought he was shutting up,” you muttered, “And hey, take all the time you need. I get that this is a little, well, out of the blue.”

“Blue? It’s fucking red.” The sides of his mouth drooped downwards as he looked at you. “I just...wish you told me. I would have never seen this coming, I mean- you and Jaehyun? Since when?”

“Since last month,” you pat him on the shoulder, “And I get that, but hey, nothing has really changed, I’m still your sister.” You smiled, “I’m sorry for not telling you when it happened. But you can’t tell anyone.”

“What? Why?” “Because we just want to keep it quiet for now, okay? It’s still very new, so please?”

Johnny sighed and nodded, engulfing you in a hug. You wanted to keep it quiet so you could get used to it yourself. Nevertheless, there was something comforting about your brother knowing, it made it feel a little more real.

“So Jaehyun, huh?”

chapter thirteen: tis’ the damn season

December welcomed the winter season with open arms, marking two months of your relationship with Jaehyun. At this point, one other person knew about it, that person being Ailiseu. She didn’t seem against it but told you to be careful once again, before rattling on about double dates.

“Hand me the cocoa powder,’ you instructed, stirring the pot you had on the stove that was filled with milk. He obliged, picking up the box and holding it out to you. Making sure it was the unsweetened one, you let your spoon rest on the side with a soft ‘clink’, opening it and taking three spoonfuls out. Putting it into the milk you pushed it to the side and resumed your stirring.

The tradition of you making your famous hot cocoa was one that you had missed out on with your years away at college. Ever since you were ten you were the one who would be in charge of the comforting drink, and so this time you decided to drag Jaehyun along with you.

“I always add a little cream,” you informed him, leaving the boiling mixture for a moment and walking to the fridge, taking the very product out of it. 

“Interesting,” he said, watching what you did carefully, “You know when I’m in the kitchen, I usually help with the actual cooking and don’t just stand around.”

“Well you’re in my kitchen, well, my mothers, and I just need you to do as I say,” you poured some of the creams into the pot, adding a tablespoon of sugar and combined it all together. “And what you can do right now is talk to me while I make the cocoa.”

He rolled his eyes, leaning against the countertop, “Fine, did you hear Taeyong was back in town?”

“Yes actually, Ailiseu told me he came back for Christmas like usual. Is his friend with him?”

Jaehyun shook his head, “It’s a little surprising honestly since they’re usually always together. I met with him yesterday and he didn’t want to talk about it, but I think he misses her.”

You blinked, “That is surprising, I wonder what happened between the two of them.”  The conversation fell into silence for a moment, before you remembered about your drink, stirring it one last time and lifting the wooden spoon. Holding the palm of your hand underneath, you blew on it a little before calling him to taste it.

He obliged, taking a step forward and you brought the tip of the spoon to his lips, tilting it slightly upwards. He slurped some of it, pulling a face because of how hot it was, and fanned his hand in front of his mouth. 

“So? How is it?” You asked and he winced as if debating his choices. Then, he started very carefully.

“Do you want me to be honest?”

It was your turn to frown and you nodded, putting the spoon back in the pot. He licked his lips, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but um-”

“But what?” You narrowed your eyes at him and he shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets. It seemed as if he was trying to avoid telling you what he was thinking. “It sucks.”

“Excuse me?” You asked, eyes widening at the harsh feedback. He grimaced, glancing at the pot of your cocoa. 

“I’m sorry! I’m just telling you the truth- like sure it tastes good it’s chocolate! Chocolate always tastes good but it just ends at that.” He looked around, opening a cupboard and taking out another chocolate bar, one that was different from the chocolate you used.

You weren’t the best at cooking, but this hot cocoa was the one thing you were actually good and, and this bitch had the audacity to trample all over it? You should have been irritated, but instead, you just stood there, watching as he broke a few pieces of the chocolate and put it into the pot. 

“You got any vanilla extract?”

Wordlessly, you pointed to another cupboard, and he navigated his way over there, taking the small bottle out and using a teaspoon to add some in. 

“I always use double chocolate when I make cocoa,” he said, “And vanilla gives it a little bit of a kick. Since you already added sugar earlier, thats one less step.”

This time he held it out for you to taste. Reluctantly, you obliged, taking the spoon from him and taking a sip from it. With the few extra ingredients he had added, it tasted extremely different, in a way that did not benefit you at all. Why? 

It was fucking delicious.

But if he thought you were going to admit that, he was up for a surprise. You swallowed it along with your initial reaction, pulling the spoon in the pot and clearing your throat.

“It’s okay.”

It was as if he could see right through your half-hearted lie and smirked. Suddenly the kitchen seemed to be ten times hotter than it was- your mother really should have taken your suggestion of putting a fan there into consideration.

“Just okay?”

“Mhmm,” you hummed uncomfortably, shifting on your feet and turning away from him so your back faced him. He clicked his tongue.

“You love it, don’t you?”

It was annoying, just how perfect he was. Scoffing, you shook your head and lied through your teeth, “Nope, it’s just meh.” You poured yourself a glass of water as if to accentuate your previous statement. “I put in”

“The secret ingredient? Let me guess, it’s love!” He mocked your voice, going higher in pitch. Placing your cup down, you hit the backside of his head playfully and glared at him. 

“Now you’ll never know, and you’re not getting any of that ingredient either.” You brought out a few mugs for the rest of your family, “We should serve it.”

Jaehyun took the pot off the heat, placing it down next to where you had kept the mugs. He seemed to be amused by your curt responses. “Come on, just give it another taste, I’m sure you’ll like it.”

Sighing, you turned to him, pressing your lips together in a complacent manner. You knew he was competitive, but you had never thought that he would actually want you to say he was better. “Fine,” you agreed reluctantly, making a move to pick the spoon up before you were caught off guard.

Jaehyun had pressed his lips to yours, and you could just about make out the sweet taste of chocolate on them amidst the shock of the sudden kiss. Honestly, this man was getting more and more irritatingly swoon-worthy than you were willing to admit.

He pulled away, a shit-eating grin on his face when he saw the startled look on yours, and then as if nothing happened, started pouring the drink into the cups.

“Bet you like it now.”

He let everybody believe it was your recipe. 

~

Jaehyun leaned back in his seat, staring at the journal in front of him. He was sitting at his old desk in his childhood bedroom, playing with the pen in his hand.

Christmas was just about over, maybe a half an hour more for it to be the twenty-sixth. His family had celebrated with yours instead of going to the party that was held at the town square near the school. 

The book that sat on the desk was leatherbound, and a present from you. “Since you had writer’s block, I thought you’d like to start afresh. And this reminded me of you,” you said with a smile, handing the wrapped gift to him.

Smiling softly, he opened it, pressing down the middle to straighten out the spine of the book. It had been a long time since he physically wrote anything out since nowadays he usually stuck to typing. It made it easier for his editors and everyone else as well.

Still, nothing could beat the smell of a new book.

Picking up the pen once more, he looked over the pages, and something clicked inside of him. A new start, one that was different, this time he would be putting pen to paper. The urge to write overcame him and he placed the nib down.

Inspiration truly was a funny thing, and even at that moment he didn’t quite know how to define it, but at twelve in the morning, it struck him. Words melted into the paper like paint strokes from an artist’s brush, and for once he wasn’t really thinking about a plot he had set in place. This time he wrote whatever he thought of.

For the longest time, Jaehyuns imagination had been his muse, the one thing he could always fall back on when it came to creating his work. It was the only thing he could fall back on, simply because most of his stories were fabrications of his mind. He wrote what he thought people wanted and were often right.

He wrote about love even though he didn’t know a single thing that said emotion. He wrote about what he thought love was, his idea of it.

Some writers would say he was lucky he could just think up a plot to his next best-selling book, to just know what worked and how to make it realistic. He did too, at first, until he realized that there was only so much he could imagine.

But at that moment as he scribbled away, he didn’t think too much about it. He didn’t think too much because this time he had an inkling of an idea, this time what he was writing happened to be the start of something real.

And this time, he had a different muse.

chapter fourteen: left you out there standing

“I think I’m going to be sick,” Yuta complained, groaning as he took a seat on the first bench he saw. Ailiseu rolled her eyes, sitting down next to him with a bright smile on her face which rivaled the sun itself ,and also opposed the traumatized one on his.

“Suck it up you big baby,” she taunted, “That was the best roller coaster I’ve ever been on.”

“Yeah? So did you like the part where we tried to defy physics and the concept of gravity or the part where we were almost catapulted out of our seats?”

“Both of those topped you screaming in my ear and making me go temporarily deaf,” she quipped just as quickly, “We should go get some cotton candy.”

“So my throw-up is pink?”

“They have light blue coloured candy too!” And with that, she had already gotten up and was making her way to the cotton candy stall. Shaking his head, Yuta got to his feet and followed her, slipping a hand into his pocket to make sure the box hadn’t fallen out during the rollercoaster ride.

He had taken her out on a date to the amusement park and knew it had been a good idea when her eyes had lit up like a kid in a candy store. So far, Ailiseu had managed to convince him into riding several different roller coasters that each looked like another step into the underworld for him.

This was the third date he had taken her on in which he had been carrying around the damn ring, and he still hadn’t found the perfect moment to ask her- that and because he kept forgetting.

“I kind of want a mix of blue and pink,” she wondered aloud, before telling it to the stall vendor. All or nothing was always the case. “Hey Yu, wanna share?”

She turned to him, the nickname slipping off her tongue easily. He always loved it when she called him that, and nodded immediately, “Yeah sure.”

And a few minutes later, she held a large stick of cotton candy, which was in the colours of pink, blue, and when those parts overlapped, a little bit of purple. The smile on her face was enough to make him smile, and he tore a little piece off, biting into it. 

It melted on his tongue, the oversweet taste making him wince a little bit. Ailiseu on the other hand seemed overjoyed at the treat, some of the candy sticking to her chin unbeknownst to her. It was as if she wasn’t that perfect, but to him, it only enhanced the trance she seemed to have put on everyone.

“Let’s go on something simple next,” she said, almost out of pity for her boyfriend, considering she had forced him on the rides he wasn’t particularly thrilled about. “The carousel?”

“As long as there aren’t any twists and turns, I’m good with it.” Even though he thought it was too sweet, he stole some more anyways. It was addictive like that.

The evening passed like most of the ones they spent together, time always seemed to move a little faster around Ailiseu. It was like he was chasing time itself for moments with her, but he regretted nothing. 

With carousels and Ferris wheels, Yuta briefly wondered if the setting was a little too childish, thinking about how he’d just have to wait for another date to try again. He wanted things to be perfect, after all and would wait until it was.

The drive home was filled with laughter and chattering- she always had been one to talk a lot. Her words somehow always managed to brighten up every situation, as did her smile. At least, they definitely brightened up his.

“We’re here,” he said, pulling up into the driveway of her house and parking the car. She nodded, pecking his cheek, and got out of the car. Watching her walk away made him realize something.

Yuta didn’t ever want to see her walk away, and though he had tolerated it for the past two dates in search of that perfect moment, he just couldn’t do that anymore. There would never be a perfect moment, he would have to simply create it, or would have to let her disappear behind her door once again.

He quickly got out of the car himself, walking up to where she was on the landing of her house. The night air had a chill to it as he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jacket.

“Hey, um.” 

“Huh? Is there something wrong?” Ailiseu asked, turning on her heel. Her brow furrowed in concern as she took a step closer to him and further away from her door. That was another thing he loved about her, the way she was always ready to help, or always looking out for everyone else.

“No,” he started, voice coming out higher than usual. He shut his eyes for a moment, before clearing his throat and continued, “Actually yes, well not really there’s nothing wrong in particular but-”

She smiled at his words, which he was clearly overthinking about. It was endearing. She reached a hand out and taking his in her own, squeezing it gently. “Hmm?”

He sucked in a deep breath, and with the hand that was in his pocket, he curled his fingers around the box, bringing it out but not quite showing it off just yet. Her eyes were alight with curiosity, a glint in them as she stared at his enclosed fist and back at his face.

It was now or never.

He brought it out in front of the two of them, opening it so that she could see the ring. Her eyes widened, and her lips parted in a mixture of awe and shock as she watched him get down on one knee.

It was everything a girl could have wanted, something straight out of a fairytale. Every little girl’s dream, to find her prince charming and be whisked off with her glass slippers, seven dwarfs in a hut in the woods, or a true loves kiss. Seven-year-old Ailiseu would have been absolutely ecstatic.

Yuta certainly did look like a prince, his longish red hair falling in front of his face, eyes searching her face for any sign of an answer. Then as if someone had flipped a switch, he realized he hadn’t even asked,

“Zhong Ailiseu,” he said, voice low and a little shaky, “I love you, more than I have ever loved anyone, even more than my hair,” he threw the joke in as if to lighten the mood. Normally she would have laughed, or at least spared him a giggle, but she was frozen, staring down at the man.

“Yuta,” she whispered, sounding so uncertain of herself that it scared her. This was madness, she had to be dreaming. After all, this was every little girl’s dream. At one point it had also been her own.

This was everything a girl could have wanted, and it should have been everything she wanted and yet, all she could do at the moment was panic. Her mouth went dry as she tried to think straight but to no avail.

“Ailiseu, will you marry me?”

~

Four words.

They were four small words, eighteen little letters that absolutely shattered her world. 

Two minutes later she was back inside her house, five minutes later staring at herself in the mirror in her room. Ten minutes later it finally sunk in, the reality of her situation and what she had done- or rather, what she hadn’t done.

Fifteen minutes later she was crying, the perfect evening had turned into a nightmare of a night. It felt like all her fault, and she felt the worst she had in a long time.

Yuta had asked her to marry him, something she definitely wasn’t expecting. She loved him, she really did, but it was just so sudden, she couldn’t register it.

Now, what happened before she was back in her house?

She stared at the ring, knowing that the right word would be ‘yes’, and yet she couldn’t bring herself to say it. It was the good thing to say, the one everybody wanted to hear, but it wasn’t the right word, at least not for her.

“No.”

“W-what?” Yuta spluttered, almost dropping the ring, “Ai-”

“This is a joke right?” She asked, voice trembling, “Yuta I-”

He got to his feet, standing up to his full height, “This isn’t a joke? Ali I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he said, the nickname suddenly sounding bitter as his voice took a turn for sad, but also earnest. He was trying to prove it to her.

“Rest of it? Yuta our lives have just begun, we’ve just graduated I-,” she shut her eyes, before opening them, turning around and pinching the bridge of her nose. “I can’t say yes, I can’t get married?” It ended like a question as if she was asking herself if she had made the right decision. 

A few hours ago, the only decisions she had been subjected to were those about rides and the type of snacks she wanted. This was just too big a jump, and far too overwhelming for her.

“I-I’m sorry I just can’t,” she whispered, staggering backward and leaning against the outside wall of the house. “I don’t understand Yuta this- you couldn’t have taken this seriously right? We’re so young.”

Yuta looked so broken right then that she wanted to backtrack, to take back everything she had just said. She wanted to erase the night from her memory completely, to turn back time and say it never happened in the first place.

“Fuck, thats not what I meant,” she hissed, and he shook his head, pocketing the ring box. “Baby I-”

“I know what you meant,” he cut her off coldly, “I get it. Sure.”

She sighed, “Yuta we don’t have to think so much about the future right now.” It was frustrating, trying to explain her point of view without hurting him. “What matters is the now.”

“It doesn’t since you don’t even think our relationship is serious,” he said, refusing to look at her. 

“You couldn’t have expected to meet the one so soon? Yuta it makes no sense no one finds their forever straight out of college thats impossible! You didn’t think-”

“I did,” he said, shutting his eyes and looking up, clenching his jaw. “Now I’m not so sure.”

Those words were like a knife to her gut, it only made her feel worse. How had things gone so wrong so fast? If it had been chilly before, it was freezing now, but maybe that wasn’t because of the weather.

“I- this was just bad timing come on Yu, this doesn’t have to be all or nothing,” she pleaded, pulling her sweater tighter around herself, “Right?”

“Ali I love you, but-”

“I love you too, and this isn’t just about you,” she snapped, before apologizing immediately after, “I’m sorry, I just can’t, please tell me this doesn’t mean anything.”

He scoffed, “Goodbye Ailiseu.”

It wasn’t fair, he wasn’t being fair to her, and yet she felt guilty for it. She felt guilty because even though he was being unreasonable, she could tell he was hurt. She felt guilty because she was the one who hurt him, even though it was hurting her just the same.

She didn’t wait, as soon as he said that she opened the door and walked into the house, some stupid pride of hers refusing to let him see her cry. She supposed it was that same pride that made him refuse to think about anything more than what he thought was right.

Half an hour later, Zhong Ailiseu had successfully cried herself to sleep.

chapter fifteen: i saw you dance with him

When Jaehyun walked into the store on Wednesday with a Mcdonald’s bag in his hand, you were sure that nothing could have made him any more perfect than this. It was another uneventful workday, and the fact he had brought you lunch? Spectacular.

The icing on the cake was the fact that he had even gotten the peri-peri fries without you even having to ask. Johnny used to-and still did- forget about that all the time, and here he was, with the goods.

“To what do I owe this pleasure?” You asked, opening the spice packet and emptying it into the shaker bag. He grinned that boyish one you so loved, shrugging mischievously. Raising an eyebrow, you took a step away from the counter and began aggressively shaking the bag.

“You’ll find out when we’re done here.”

Taking a fry out of the bag, you hummed, biting down into it and savouring the spicy taste. “So basically you’re bribing me with lunch?”

“Basically.”

Another fry. “Well you certainly know the way into a girl's heart,” you quipped dryly. 

Within a few minutes, you had finished the lunch he had gotten you. While you had been flattered and impressed with the effort, you weren’t impressed when he stole some of it from himself. You shared a trait with Joey Tribbiani from ‘Friends’ and it was the fact that you did not appreciate sharing your food.

Once you were done, however, he managed to convince you to close the store for a little bit so he could take you somewhere, though you were not sure where to. Ushering you into his car, he instructed you to ignore the garment bag hanging in the back.

That piqued your interest in the item even more, and you would occasionally glance at it through the rearview mirror, wondering what it could possibly hold.

Jaehyun had taken a liking to surprising you, the way your face would light up made it all worth it, and this time he was sure nothing could ever top it. He had thought about it for a while now and decided it was the one thing you would truly never see coming.

He pulled up to a diner, parking and getting out of the car. Retrieving the garment bag from the back, he handed it to you and told you to try and keep it off the ground. Then, he took your hand in his and led you inside the diner.

The diner was empty, there wasn’t even anyone behind the counter. This only made you suspicious, and for a moment you wondered if this was how you were going to die.

“There’s a surprise inside,” he said, eyes sparkling, “Go change in the bathroom.”

Bewildered out of your mind, you obliged, walking to the back and into a stall. Unzipping the bag, your eyes widened when what was left in your hands was possibly the most gorgeous dress you had ever seen in your entire life. 

It was a pale blue colour, the fabric was delicate and airy. The top was sleeveless, with two straps connecting the front to the behind, adorned in lace of the same colour. It blended into the skirt part of the dress seamlessly, ruffles falling prettily around the underlayer. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in, examining the dress.

Was this for you?

He had told you to get changed- but for what? The piece of clothing that you held seemed too beautiful for you to wear, it belonged in a display case in your opinion. Definitely not with you, but you quickly changed into it, remembering that Jaehyun was standing outside.

What on earth was going on? What was he planning? Questions hovered around in your mind but vanished the moment you walked out of the stall and saw yourself in the mirror that panned out on the other side of the wall. The clothes you had been wearing hung from your forearm, but you looked absolutely stunning. The dress fit you perfectly, almost as if it had been made just for you.

Once you had emerged out into the front, you saw Jaehyun waiting there, an awestruck sigh escaping his lips when he set his eyes on your figure. He had discarded the denim jacket he had been wearing, leaving him in a black dress shirt and dark blue jeans. A light blue flower was pinned to his chest pocket and you realized it was a corsage.

“You look…...wow,” he said, sounding a little breathless. You couldn’t help the smile that blossomed on your face, resting a hand on your hip as you asked.

“You look pretty wow yourself Jung, mind explaining what this all is?”

He took a few steps closer to where you were, taking something out of his pocket and taking your hand in his. It turned out to be a ribbon, with the same flowers that were pinned to his pocket on it: your corsage.

“You didn’t get to go to prom so,” he tied the ribbon around your wrist, making sure it wasn’t too tight, “I decided to give you the experience”

He looked up from tying the knit, a small triumphant smile playing on his lips. Intertwining your fingers, he dragged you to the middle of the diner. It was only then you realized that along with the place being empty, the tables had been cleared out to the side.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, and his hands rested on your waist. Then he froze, before letting out an embarrassed sound, taking his phone out of his pocket and opening Spotify, playing a playlist he had put together, which was something he had evidently forgotten to do.

“Right,” he muttered, “Now we can dance.”

Perfect by Ed Sheeran came on, and the two of you swayed to the music. He had really taken the effort to do all of this for you, down to choosing cheesy songs as well. It was endearing, and the fuzzy warm feeling in your stomach had decided to make it their new home.

“How did you manage to do this?” You asked, and he made a zipping motion. 

“A magician never reveals his secrets.”

You raised an eyebrow and he sighed, “Fine, your mom helped me with the dress, and the owner of this diner is an old friend of mine.”

You hummed, “Thank you.”

There was no one else around, so it was a rather lonely prom, but to you it was perfect. In the old diner, with muffled music playing, you would have ignored the Chris Hemsworth movie if this was what you would have gotten all those years ago.

It felt a lot like you were in high school once again, still in love with Jung Jaehyun, and that was the realization that shook your entire world at that moment as you danced with him. It felt the exact same, the way your heart was in your throat, how you couldn’t stop smiling,

You were in love with Jung Jaehyun all over again.

“Told you,” he said out of the blue, to which you frowned in confusion.

“Told me what?”

“Told you I’d go to prom with you.”

chapter sixteen: countdown

Ten minutes.

It was 11:50, December 31st, and just ten minutes left for the new year. The party was underway, held at the hotel as usual. It was the only one in your hometown, so most of the events were held there.

You had snacked up on the appetizers that the caterers were handing out, talking with a few old friends, and looking around for Ailiseu. She should have been here with Yuta, but you couldn’t spot her anywhere.

She hadn’t even picked up your calls that night, in fact, you hadn’t heard from her for a while now. You couldn’t help but get a little worried, but you figured the two of them were spending the new years together or something of the sort.

The music died down as the DJ announced that there were only five minutes left for midnight and you looked around to try and find Jaehyun. You were acutely aware of the fact that it was the first time you were ever going to have a kiss at midnight.

Well, your first time for a proper kiss of course, when you were little your parents would kiss your cheeks and foreheads for good measure, and you would hug Johnny. At college you dated a guy for a little, but it didn’t last longer than four months and New Years Day did not fall in between those four months.

Three minutes.

You finished off the last few sips of the drink one of the waiters had given you, placing it down on the table, and spotted the boy you had been trying to find, walking over. He was talking to an old friend of yours, one that came back to town during the Christmas Holidays.

“Taeyong!’ You called out, earning a smile from the boy, who gave you a side hug. Exchanging greetings and such, you turned to Jaehyuns side. He wrapped his arm around your shoulder and you subconsciously leaned into his embrace.

“You two huh?” He raised an eyebrow, a smile tugging at his lips, “I suppose I should leave you two alone since there is,” he glanced at his watch, hair falling in front of his eyes. “About a minute before midnight.”

“Unless you want to see us make out- Ow!” Jaehyun jerked away from your touch when you elbowed him in the side, shaking your head at his antics. 

“Wheres your lucky girl?” You asked, regretting that statement almost immediately when Taeyong’s smile faltered. He forced a laugh, taking a swig of his drink and shrugging. 

“She’s my imaginary friend,” he said, trying to pull it off as a joke. Scratching the beck of his neck awkwardly he took a step back, “See ya.”

He walked off, and you were just about to ask Jaehyun what was up with him before the countdown for midnight begun. The music died down as people counted, and you joined in the fun.

Ten.

“So, another year huh,” he asked and you nodded, turning to face him properly.

Nine.

“I’ll be looking forward to seeing your new book coming out,” you winked, talking much louder over all the chattering.

Eight.

He laughed, a sound you could barely hear, but you could see it and it was just as beautiful. His nose scrunched up, lips quirking upwards and dimples showing. The best part about it was the fact that it was because of you, it was directed at you and you were the reason he was smiling like that.

Seven.

“Maybe,” he said, “Let’s hope I finish it, huh?”

Six.

“Yeah,” you agreed, “I know you will. You’re the best writer I know.” You declared this confidently, before thinking about it for a moment. “Actually, you’re the only writer I know.”

Five.

“True,” he took a step closer to you, “So that makes me the best anyways, huh?”

Four.

You hummed, looking straight at him. He brought a hand up to cup your face, brushing his thumb over your cheekbone.

Three.

He kissed your right cheek and you giggled, pulling away from his touch. This resulted in him pulling you back.

Two.

A kiss on your left cheek.

One.

A kiss on your lips, soft and gentle, like a warm hug that made you smile into it. Cheers erupted all around you as people clapped and kissed, and the clock hit midnight.

Happy new year.

~

A day later, Ailiseu showed up at your doorstep. For the first time in all your years of knowing her, she didn’t look perfect, far from it in fact. She looked broken, shattered even.

You said nothing, wordlessly leading her to your room and taking her into your arms. You asked no questions, you didn’t pry for any information. She cried and you let her cry, because even though you didn’t know exactly what had happened, you knew she needed to let it out.

There was something about her at that moment that reminded you all too much of how you were when Jaehyun had broken your heart. That something made you very well akin to what she needed at the moment, which was comfort.

You knew then that she hadn’t spent New Years with Yuta.

chapter seventeen: we never painted by the numbers baby

When you were younger, your parents used to tell you you were an easily distracted child. Simple things like a clock ticking could break you out of your focus, and it would take a miracle for it to return.

And distractions came in different forms, someone interrupting you while you did something, an irritating noise, or a certain Jung Jaehyun trying to get your attention.

You were sitting on his bed in his room, reading a book that wasn’t his. Now, maybe he was jealous you were giving your attention to another writer’s words or was just being The Annoying Boyfriend (patent pending), but he was trying his best to distract you.

The reason you had chosen to hang out in his room was that you thought he wouldn’t be such a distraction. You thought it would be a peaceful evening, just enjoying each other’s company, but clearly, that wasn’t what he had wanted.

“Just one more page,” you mumbled out, turning the page. He whined like the three-year-old he was- debatable- rolling onto his back and staring up at you through his hair.

“You’ve been saying that for the last three pages.”

“I’m at a good part, and aren’t you supposed to support people reading?”

“When it’s my book? Sure, but you\ve been at a good part for so long. You’ll be at the good part when you go back to reading it too,” he insisted, propping himself up on his elbow.

“I took an all-nighter reading your book, so you can bear with this,” you retorted but shut the book anyway because you knew that you were now successfully distracted. There was no going back to your former state of solitude.

He smiled sweetly because he knew he had won. You huffed, looking around the room and spotting the journal you gave him for Christmas sitting on his desk. You hoped off the bed, walking to it and picking it up.

“You started using the journal! Can I read what you’ve-”

“Nope,” he snatched it out of your hands, “Not until I’m done.” He held it above his head, far away and out of your reach. You pouted, pulling your best puppy eyes in an attempt to persuade him.

“Pleeaaaasseee?”

“Nope,” he said, a smirk on his face, “Have a little patience will you?”

It felt like a challenge, one you took on almost immediately. Steadying yourself by placing a hand on his shoulder, you attempted to jump to catch the journal. He took a step backward, the back of his knees hitting the bed, causing him to sit down on the edge.

This also caused you to fall onto him, straight onto his lap. Your eyes widened when you took note of the position the two of you were in. It didn’t seem to phase him, however, instead, the cocky expression on his face only grew. Placing the book to the side, his hands fell onto your waist as he looked at your lips unabashedly.

“Hey.”

“H-hey,” you managed to stammer out, suddenly flustered. He pushed some hair out of your face, cupping your cheek and pulling you down to kiss him.

Your lips fit perfectly against his, like puzzle pieces finally finding their places. Your fingers found their place in his hair, tugging lightly as you tilted your head slightly to kiss him better. 

You had kissed him several times before, but there was something different about it this time. His mouth felt hot against yours, fingers skirting under the hem of your shirt and slipping under. You shivered at the contact, but it only made you pull him closer to you.

He pulled away, then kissed you again and again, until you had lost count of how much he had kissed you. You were drunk on his touch, truly and completely intoxicated with the way his lips moved against yours.

What had you been doing before this? You didn’t remember and you didn’t care, because all you could think about at that moment was Jaehyun. He had taken over your senses, which you supposed was his goal from the start.

He kissed the side of your mouth like a tease, and then your jaw, pressing butterfly kisses down your neck. You were positively dizzy at the sensation, but you didn’t care. Now that you had had a taste, you never wanted him to stop.

You dropped your head to his shoulder, breathing going heavy at every little thing he was doing. You definitely weren’t thinking straight anymore, but you didn’t quite mind it. Your fingers fisted the material of his shirt, ducking and capturing his lips again, almost desperately.

He groaned, and his hands were now on your back. The two of you couldn’t have possibly gotten any closer, your bodies were already touching and you whimpered, eyes fluttering open for just a minute to look at him.

He stared back at you with a half-lidded gaze, one that made butterflies erupt in your stomach. Licking his lips, he searched your eyes for an answer to his silent question, and you nodded softly, wrapping your legs around his waist. 

His mouth was back on yours, and it was not the first, but definitely one of the many that took place through the night, his hands on your body and his touch unforgettable. You were lost to Jung Jaehyun and you wouldn’t have had it any other way.

A distraction indeed.

chapter eighteen: in the middle of the night, in my dreams

With all your expertise in sneaking junk food into your house for your consumption, you had little to no knowledge in the area that was sneaking out.

Now you were sure you would have been fantastic at it, but you had, as described before, helicopter parents who were extremely protective of their darling daughter. You had been taught from an early age that everything you did wrong would always have consequences, and when you got punished for simply breaking a vase, you decided that sneaking out was definitely out of the question.

There was a difference between the two as well, for, in the food aspect of it, you were getting something into the house, but sneaking out required you to get out of the said house. Someone was sure to notice your missing presence, whereas when it came to pizza, you could simply hide it in your room.

Jaehyun texted you at midnight, telling you to get ready for him to pick you up. Now obviously this meant you had to sneak out, and at night too. That definitely added a level of excitement, so you changed out of the pajamas you had been rocking into some respectable clothes, which consisted of sweatpants and a hoodie you had stolen from your brother. You made sure to take one of his jackets that had somehow landed up in your closet as well, seeing it was still pretty cold outside, being January.

You managed to tiptoe out of the house without waking anyone up or tripping over your own feet. You took your copy of the keys with you, waiting for your boyfriend to show up. 

It still made you giddy thinking about it, Jung Jaehyun was yours. You had to be the luckiest girl in the world to have gotten someone as amazing and perfect as him to be yours.

He showed up with his car, and one midnight drive later you were leaning against the hood of his car, eating ice cream. Was that a good idea in this weather? Hell no, you were probably going to get a cold, but you didn’t really care. You were perfectly content with your coffee flavoured ice cream.

Life was good. 

Then again, anything involving ice cream made life good. It was just the general rule of thumb, something Jaehyun seemed to know considering he had taken you out for some.

He shivered, something he thought you had missed, but you had caught sight of it. Realizing he was cold, you shrugged off Johnny’s jacket handing it to him, seeing at all he was wearing was a thin tee shirt.

“Take it, you idiot.”

He protested, “Idiot? I buy you ice cream and I’m an idiot?”

“You’re cold and eating ice cream,” you clarified, pushing the jacket towards him, “Should fit you, it’s my brothers.” “Won’t you be-”

“I’m wearing his hoodie, it’s honestly hot under here,” you said, licking another spoonful of your ice cream. “This is very high school of you, sneaking out with me.”

“Everyone likes a good rom-com moment, don’t they?” He countered, pulling the jacket on. A frown appeared on his face as he looked at you for a moment, before speaking up. “Shouldn’t you be wearing my hoodie?”

“You never gave me any,” you clicked your tongue in mock disappointment, “Aren’t you the romance novelist?”

He rolled his eyes, “You’re going to use that everywhere aren’t you? And you’re supposed to steal them, and then I’m supposed to annoy you about stealing my clothes but I don’t actually mean it because I like when you wear them. There are levels to this shit.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, before bursting out into laughter, causing his eyes to widen in bewilderment at your outburst of amusement.

“Oh, you so read fan fiction in middle school,” you giggled like a giddy school girl at the ‘deer in headlights look that appeared on his face, telling you that you had hit the nail right on the head. “And you’ve probably watched more romantic movies than I have!”

“Not true.”

“How was 10 Thinks I Hate About You?

“Excellent thank you- wait how the fuck did you know I watched it?” He sounded so scandalized that you were thrown into another fit of laughter. He was just so endearing, you couldn’t help it. Finishing off your ice cream, you patted him on the shoulder and tugged on the sleeves of your hoodie.

“Sleepless in Seattle? Oooo, no what about Clueless?”

You received no answer to this, just him grumbling under his breath.

“If it makes you feel better, the first thing I’ll do in the morning is steal some of your clothes” You promised, trying to keep a straight face as much as possible. 

This seemed to please him, making you chuckle in amusement. He was just so odd, but something about it made him all the more charming. You crushed the disposable paper cup, pushing yourself off the hood to go throw it in the garbage.

“I’ll hold you to that,” he said, “Or I’ll show up with a suitcase of clothes and demand you take it.”

“How romantic,” you snickered and he joined you on your walk to the trash can on the footpath. He glared at you mockingly, trying to prove his point as he ran his fingers through his hair, taking your crushed up cup and threw it away for you.

“Thank you.”

Your thanks fell onto deaf ears as he earnestly tried to convince you of the level of his solemnity. “I’m serious, I will, and John will have a heart attack.”

You made a show of thinking about it, though the only thing properly on your mind was how soft your bed was going to be when you returned back home to crash. Nevertheless, the thought of giving your brother a metaphorical heart problem sounded rather entertaining to you even in your state of tiredness.

“Deal.”

chapter nineteen: the beginning of the end

Winter finally bid adieu and Spring came along, dancing cheerfully through the town, sprinkling flowers everywhere. Joy rushed in, as leaves unfurled and flowers bloomed, painting the world with greens and other bright colours.

Taeyong left town once again, and Ailiseu got accepted into that fashion program she had been waiting to hear back from. That kept her mind busy and off Yuta, who you hadn’t heard from at all. Someone mentioned he had moved away, whether that was true or not you didn’t know.

The odd sense of homesickness started to creep back, even though you were home. You were home but nothing was as you remembered it, too much had changed. It was just a familiar place with memories that had been forgotten by most.

“I’m thinking of moving out,” you declared, flopping down on the couch next to Jaehyun. He hummed in question, raising an eyebrow at your statement. “You know since I’m working and I don’t see myself going anywhere else for the time being. I can’t stay with my parents forever.” 

You picked up the guitar you had left on the end of the couch the day before, placing your fingers on the fret to play a G chord, idly strumming. “And I was thinking of getting back into music, trying to do something with it you know? Maybe I’ll record a demo or something.”

“You could teach,” he suggested helpfully and you shrugged, placing it back down and sighed. Kicking your legs up, you snuggled closer to him, head in his lap as you looked up at him.

“How do you do it?” You asked, genuinely curious. “You already have your life set out for you, and here I am.”

“It happened by an accident- a happy accident.”

“Bob Ross would be proud,” you grumbled, “And life is just beating the devil out of me, isn’t it?”

He chuckled, leaning over and pressing an affectionate kiss to your forehead. His hair tickled you and you giggled, shutting your eyes at the gesture so you didn’t get any of his hair in your eyes. 

“You’ll figure it out, I know you will.”

He said it with such conviction that you almost believed it yourself. You knew it was ridiculous to expect to be successful at such a young age, but everyone you knew seemed to have it figured out for themselves. 

It seemed like you were running this race and everybody else was way ahead of you. You were tired of running (understandable since you weren’t much of an athletic person during school) and you didn’t know where the finishing line was.

Spring danced away, its performance ending as Summer once again took its footing. You Had started saving up to get your own place even though your mother insisted it was fine. It was fine, but you wanted to one day order pizza without having to ask the delivery guy to come through the back door.

This time however you weren’t too concerned about deterring a cute pizza guy. 

Yellows and Oranges, summer turned into something you loved, as did it with Jaehyun. Speaking of him, he sat at his desk once again, that same journal open again- except this time it wasn’t the first page he was on.

He was five pages away from the end of the journal- and the book itself. The story itself had poured out of him over the past few months faster than anything he had ever written. Words were his best friend and they worked side by side with him as he wrote his next book.

The story was sweet, about two kids falling back in love with each other after reuniting. It was the usual, ‘it’s always been you’ type of scenario, but he was that type of writer who could just make a cliche like that work perfectly.

The problem was he had no clue how to end the story. Usually, the endings would come to him first, and he would build the book around it, but this time it was like everything had flipped the moment he started writing in the journal. This seemed like a good place to end the story, but he had no idea how. 

Then it struck him- not the ending, but what being close to the end of the story meant, with his publishing house and editor and everything. He stared at the pages, and placed the pen down silently, dread taking over him.

He had come home to find inspiration and it had hit him like a truck the moment he met you again. He had come home in the hopes of writing his newest book and now that he had, he realized that he shouldn’t have come in the first place.

Why?

Because Jung Jaehyun, the perfect man, had made his first- maybe second- mistake. A terrible mistake he knew he couldn’t ever fix. For once in his life he had faltered. He had been rash and childish and had played with fire even though he had been warned against it.

Everybody what happened when you played with fire. It was dangerous and you could get burnt, except this time he was going to be burning someone else in the process. The one person he really didn’t want to hurt.

Now he had to figure out how to tell you.

~

“Wanna go get something to eat?”

You asked Ailiseu and Jaehyun, turning around on your heel to face them. The three of you had been going around looking at apartments for you. Ailiseu had tagged along, but mostly for the food and to tell you about her colleagues.

“Sure! We should go to that place next to the apartment you liked,” she suggested and you nodded.

“Hey, maybe if I’m lucky I’ll live there soon! And then you two can come over anytime you like- hopefully, I get it and I can get settled before Christmas.” You looked over at your boyfriend, who was currently staring off into space at god knows what. “Sound good?”

“Huh- what? Oh yeah sure,” he said, scratching the back of his neck. He had been out of it all day today, distant even. He distractedly nodded, following along with you and your friend.

You hadn’t taken much thought to this, thinking he must have been tired or stayed up late or something of the sort, but Ailiseu had.

You were sitting at the table, and had finished ordering, when she looked over at him, studying his expression before it clicked. Narrowing her eyes, she placed the menu down, smiling politely at the waiter and elbowed him

He let out a small yelp, and she glared. You looked up from your phone, confused. “Something wrong?”

“Nothing!” She chimed in quickly before Jaehyun even had the chance to complain. He pulled a face, and unbeknownst to you, somehow she knew this and swiftly gave him a kick to his shin to shut him up. “I just need to talk to lover boy here for a moment, if you don’t mind?” ‘Lover boy’ looked less than thrilled at this, visibly befuddled at the sudden bout of physical abuse he was receiving from your friend. You shrugged, and nodded, “Yeah sure go ahead, I’ll watch the food.”

She threw Jaehyun a withering look, who was still trying to figure out why he was suddenly being persecuted as such. Nevertheless, he followed the girl, who was starting to look extremely scary all of a sudden.

Once they were out of your line of sight, she yanked him outside the cafe and onto the sidewalk, leaning against the wall of the building. Jaehyun saw this as good a time as any to ask what she was doing.

“What was that all about-”

“We’re not so different, you know?”

She stated this as if she was talking about the weather, straightforward. Taken aback, he waited for her to continue, leaning on his side against the wall. She turned her head to look at him and sighed.

“We’re both perfect, or expected to be at least,” she huffed, blowing some hair that had fallen in front out of her face. “I have to live up to my younger brother, as ridiculous as that sounds, and you? Well, it’s just written off, isn’t it?”

He didn’t quite know how to answer this accusation even though somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew she was right. Ailiseu clicked her tongue, shutting her eyes, and pressed her lips together.

“I’m just...whatever you’re thinking, just think it through okay? Don’t hurt Y/n.” It should have sounded like a warning, but it didn’t. It was just concern. “People like us, people who have expectations to meet and lines to colour inside of- we all have a downfall.”

“Downfall?” He inquired, not knowing how she picked up on what he may or may not do. 

“Ditto.”

“How so?”

“Since you’re expected to be so perfect, you can’t help but want to mess something up.”

He scoffed, “I don’t want to mess anything up-”

“It’s the way the world works,” she refuted calmly and sighed. There was a faraway look in her eye, almost as if she was speaking from experience.

“All I’m saying is don’t screw this up like I did, okay?” She said, coking her head to the side and gestured back to the door of the cafe. “We should get back, your girlfriend is waiting for us.” 

This was a warning, but it was warning him against himself. For some reason, he knew he had to hear it, and it struck something within him. The problem was he had already screwed it up, and there was nothing, not that he could think of at least, he could do to fix it.

And with that she left him there, her usual cheery demeanor was back like someone had flipped a switch. Jaehyun chewed the inside of his cheek, thinking over her words. She had a point, he knew, but he didn’t have much of a choice.

He never had one in the first place. 

chapter twenty: i’m only seventeen, i don’t know anything

You supposed that nothing had really changed in the years away, at least not on your part. You were still the same girl at heart, and your realization of the fact, you were still in love with Jaehyun definitely supported the argument.

Part of you wanted to laugh at the revelation, how did he manage to make you fall right back in love with him? You had always thought that first loves and puppy love never really lasted, and yet here you were, thinking about him while trying to finish the diamond painting that Yuta had gotten you for Christmas. Unfortunately, that was a slow process, and though you had been working on it for months now, you were barely done with half of it.

Diamon painting was serious business.

You sighed, trying to not smile, placing the applicating wand down. You were careful not to knock over the tray with the actual diamond, since that had happened thrice already and every time you had to clean up it slowly ate away at your ever-dimming willpower.

Love was funny that way, you would never be able to completely decipher its meaning. Did it ever fade away? Or did it stay once you had moved on, waiting for its candle to be lit once again if given the chance?

You had made two lines worth of progress, and deeming that enough for the night, you carefully poured the diamond back into their individual packets. You rolled the canvas up, and placed it at the end of your desk, using a paperweight to keep it from rolling off.

Getting to your feet, you took in a deep breath, glancing out of your window. That smile you were trying so hard to bite back broke out on your face, it was small but definitely there. Why?

Because you saw Jaehyun standing on the pavement right outside his house just as you had all those months, almost a year ago from the same spot you were standing at. This time, however, he didn’t have a suitcase beside him.

He was just staring at his house as if he was searching for something in its view but he didn’t know what. He seemed to be holding something- a journal maybe? As he stood there, watching and waiting. It was oddly full circle in a way.

Your eyes wandered to the side of his house, next to his porch where a peach tree was. Your smile melted off your face as you remembered what had happened there.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized, shaking hair out of his face, “but you know, I have to leave for college this year so it won’t work anyway, and this was just a summer thing.”

You stared at the boy wordlessly, not knowing how to respond. All you knew was that each one of his words hurt really bad, they were like a rod prodding at your heart, slowly tearing it to pieces. 

“Y-yeah,” you said, “I get that.”

He smiled sweetly, “It was fun. I should get going, I have dinner in a few.”

“Fun,” you repeated incredulously. Your voice was all funny and hollow-like, but you blinked rapidly, “Yeah, bye.” Seventeen year old you didn’t know what to think, but you knew that this was the first time you wanted to cry when you weren’t physically hurt in any way. 

You snapped out of it, scoffing to yourself and wondering why on earth you were thinking about that. It was over three years ago, it was ridiculous to hold any sort of emotion over the incident because at the moment you had everything you wanted.

At least that’s what you thought. 

chapter twenty one: closure

The inside of the old theater auditorium was pretty dingy if you were being honest with yourself. It was one large place, with a stage right and the front and seats covering the rest of it, each row on a higher step than the previous one.

You walked into the auditorium, into that space between the stage and the first row of seats, seeing that your boyfriend was already there. He was standing right near the stage, hands on it as he looked up. The dim lighting lit up his features and cast shadows over his face.

“Hey you,” you greeted him, smiling softly as you walked closer. He turned to look at you, nodding passively.

“Hey.”

Something was off, you could tell from the start. He didn’t return your smile, his voice was empty sounding and the air in the room seemed to somehow weigh down upon the two of you. You frowned, taking a step forward.

“Sooooo,” you started, looking around. This was the place you first developed a crush on him at the age of fifteen, and now you were back so many years later, but you couldn’t place the feeling that was taking over you. “Why’d you call me here?”

He studied your face, the way your eyes attentively paid attention to him, awaiting his response. The small pout of your lips, the outfit you were wearing that day, he took in whatever he could. Every little thing just made it harder for him to say what he wanted- no needed to say.

What you deserved to hear.

Well, that was the biggest overstatement anyone could make. Of all people, you were the last person who deserved this. He sighed, looking at his feet and then back at the stage.

“The worlds a stage and you’re my actress,” he said, and you blinked in confusion before realizing what he was referencing. “You Can Call Me Babe For The Weekend,” you responded, “I read your book.” You had read it after all, but what you didn’t understand was why he was suddenly quoting himself.

“I know you did, you told me,” he said, turning completely to face you. You still had that look on your face, confused and in the dark. He sucked in a deep breath and smiled softly, but it was a defeated, bittersweet smile.

“I’m almost done with my next book.”

“Thats great!” You exclaimed, before stopping, raising an eyebrow. Unlike you, he didn’t seem as enthusiastic about the fact. “It is great, right?”

“Yeah it is,” he said mindlessly, “It really is, I finally managed to get something new but I’m close to writing the end.” He cleared his throat uncomfortably and you immediately knew he was hiding something. “What is it, Jae?”

“I have to go back,” he blurted out all of a sudden, before exhaling. You blinked in shock at the sudden statement, staring at him wide-eyed. The silence was too much for him, and so he blabbered on, “To the city, since I’m almost done I have to-”

“Go back, I heard you,” you finished for him. “I just don’t understand what this has to do with me, I mean you’ll be coming back right?”

He stayed silent, refusing to meet your eyes. You sucked in a breath, shutting your eyes and repeating yourself. “Right?”

“I don’t know okay? I mean I may not come back because well I got my book and with editing and my publishing house being in the city it wouldn’t make sense.” His words, even though he was almost whispering, it resounded through you. He might as well have been speaking through a megaphone.

“Besides coming home was temporary anyway.”

That hit you the hardest because they sounded so similar to what you had once heard. It was just a summer thing, it was fun, we were just fooling around, it was just temporary.

You opened your mouth, then closed it, You turned around and away from Jaehyun because you knew where this was leading, it was just too damn obvious. “Temporary huh?”

“Y/n I didn’t mean it like-”

“Of course you didn’t,” you forced a cheery voice, “How else could you have meant it! My bad, maybe you were talking about the weather.”

“I-”

“Just say it already okay?”

“I’m sorry about summer.”

You whipped your head around, wondering how the fuck the conversation went there. He looked unbelievably guilty, chewing on his bottom lip, “I was a kid and stupid and-”

You scoffed, staggering away from him. “Contrary to popular belief, Yoonoh, I do not need your closure.” You spat the word out like it was poison, bitter and hard, “I know what happened that summer, and you do not need to justify it.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, hanging his head as he looked away from you. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing, to think that just a few minutes ago you were absolutely content with your life and how things were going, this was just a complete one-eighty degree flip from that.

A broken heart was something you had only read about, but you had never expected to actually have one. You never thought you could physically feel your heart shattering as if someone had yanked it out of your chest and was crushing it with their hands until all that was left was dust. 

You had felt this time of earth-shattering pain only once before when you were seventeen of course. A few days ago you were perfectly okay with being just like your high school self, but right now? God, you despised that trait of yours more than anything in the world. You had been in love with Jaehyn then and you were still in love with him and you hated it.

You hated being in love with him and you wished that you weren’t, in fact, you wished you had never fallen in the first place. It was your fault, after all, you were the idiot who let him string you along every single time.

You should have known, this was what he did. He took your heart and played you like a puppet until he had had his fill of fun. Then he left you to pick up your broken pieces alone in the cold while he continued on with his life.

“I’m so stupid,” you hissed, the ache in your chest increased with every second you spent in front of him. “Oh my god, I hate you.”

Jaehyuns eyes widened and he reached out to grab your hand, “Y/n-”

“Don’t,” you warned, slapping his hand away and sucking in a breath. You wanted to cry, fuck, you wanted to scream and cry so badly but it just wouldn’t happen. For some reason, you couldn’t cry and it only hurt more. It was getting hard to breathe through the torrent of emotions that had crashed upon you and you were in no way prepared for them.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid-”

“You’re not stupid,” he made you look at him, holding you by the shoulders as you slowly broke down in front of him, but not noticeably enough, “Babe- Y/n’,” he corrected himself. “This is my fault.”

You chuckled, but it was devoid of any humour. Love- or losing it rather hurt like a bitch, more than anything you had ever experienced. This was worse than the last time because this time you had actually believed it was for real. All the signs had led you to trust him, but that was your mistake.

Hope was just as finicky as inspiration was, it was a feeling of the moment thing. Sometimes it lasted for long periods of time, sometimes it was just a spark to keep you warm on a cold day. You had hoped and you had been crushed, completely and utterly crushed.

“No it’s mine,” you said, pulling away from his touch because you didn’t want to ever be near him again. “I was the one who was stupid enough to fall in love with you twice, wasn’t I?”

His lips parted and for the first time that evening, he was speechless. You swallowed the lump in your throat, sniffling as you turned on your heel and walked out of the auditorium. It was strangely poetic, you had walked out on him from the place you had first fallen.

The world loved irony, it always had. You opened the door to the driver’s seat of your car, before slamming it shut and screaming into your palm. Tears finally sprung to your eyes as you leaned against the vehicle, eyes screwed shut as it hit you.

Your throat went dry, your knees felt weak. You couldn’t think straight as you stood there, completely heartbroken. You had fallen in love with the boy you just weren’t supposed to be with and it was time you learned that.

But you never learned, did you? You were a hopeless idiot, and you knew it. You deserved this, but at the same time, you knew you deserved so much better.

You didn’t want better, because all you had wanted, ever since you were fifteen, was Jung Jaehyun.

Pulling yourself together, you opened the door once again and got into the car, resting your hands on the steering wheel. You stared right ahead at the number plate of the car in front of yours, making no motion to move. Those tears finally broke free, making their way down your face as you broke down for real.

You were homesick, and so you turned to the one person you thought could bring back whatever joy you had in the first place, to reinstill that childish memory of your hometown. In a way, he definitely had now, but this was the last thing you had thought of.

You turned the keys in the ignition, starting the car up, and shakily took a deep breath, wiping away your tears with the sleeve of the jacket you were wearing- his jacket. Pulling out of the spot you parked in, you drove away, as far as you could from Jaehyun, until you didn’t even know where you were yourself.

All you knew was that he wasn’t coming back.

~

Days turned into weeks, but this time everybody knew. Johnny didn’t know how to navigate the situation except give you space and as many ice cream tubs of raspberry ripple as you wanted. For some reason, the ice cream didn’t make life any better, all it did was remind you of what you had lost.

Jaehyun boarded his flight with his journal in his hand. Though he had never wanted to come home, now he didn’t want to leave because there was something holding him down, and he had idiotically let that something run away for the second time.

He was the romance author, he should have known that second chances didn’t come along very often, and third chances were miracles. He had been handed one and he had wasted it.

He left in August, in the very end of summer and everything ended along with him the moment he took his window seat in the plane. He pulled down the retractable table and opened the journal to the last few pages.

He finally knew how the story ended.

chapter twenty two: there’ll be happiness after you

Weeks turned into months and you did move. You got another job in a music store teaching the little kids that wanted to start getting into music, or rather, their parents wanted them to get into it. 

You got your own apartment and ordered pizza as much as you wanted, and you learned how to live in your town, the town it had grown into when you were away for college. You didn’t have the apartment for Christmas as you had hoped, but you had had it by March.

Ailiseu moved away by July, and the months turned into years. Loneliness was something you had grown accustomed you, so much so you didn’t even feel it anymore. You made new friends, you waited till people came back for the holidays, you spent your Fridays watching Netflix and weekends were spent at your parent’s house.

It was a life you had been presented with and a life you were making work. Somewhere between this mess, Chenle came to visit, which brought it a lovely amount of publicity for the town. Taeyong came for Christmas, still without his friend but you knew better than to ask.

You understood the wistful look he held every time someone brought her up, it was a familiar look because you saw it every time you looked in the mirror.

You were still fifteen and age twenty-two, and twenty-three.

You walked along the footpath, waving to one of the elderly ladies of the town out of politeness, standing across the road and waiting for it to clear so you could get to the bus stop. Looking over, you thought you saw a familiar silhouette, hair and everything, only for that speculation to be crushed the moment the man turned around.

It wasn’t who you hoped- thought it was.

Not hoped, hope was dangerous. Sighing, you crossed and waited for the bus. You were going to that bookstore that was near the frozen yogurt shop, the one Jaehyun used to work in when the two of you were in high school. 

Part of you wondered what life would be like if you never met Jaehyun in the first place. Maybe you wouldn’t be at home, maybe you would have done something else. It didn’t matter now, it wasn’t like you could rewrite everything that had happened when you were younger.

The bus made its stop and you got in, bagging a seat at the back as you took out your phone, scrolling through it to pass time on the ride there. 

What you said that day in the theater, about how you hated him, couldn’t have been farther from the truth. You loved him and it made you bitter, so much so you said things you really didn’t mean.

You got off the bus, standing outside the store, and took in a deep breath. You pushed open the doors, taking in the familiar surroundings, and sighed, spotting the owner. She was the same, typing away at her laptop, eyes focused on the screen.

You walked up to the check-out counter, leaning against it. “Hey.”

She looked up, a knowing smile on her face. Shutting her laptop, she pushed it to the side to give you were full attention.

“You finally got it huh?” She asked and you hummed, nodding. 

“My story, yeah, I believe I do.”

“I’m all ears,” she moved to the side so you could walk behind the counter and take a seat before sighing. You finally understood what she had meant that day when you had bought his book. 

“I was fifteen,” you started, and you told her your story, a story that had definitely begun, and you didn’t know if it had ended, but it was a story nonetheless.

It was time for a new story because you knew there would be happiness after Jaehyun, but there was Jaehyun because of him. It was time to move on and write a new chapter of the story, or to close the book on this one.

“...And this is the story of how I fell in love.”

epilogue— cardigan

Jaehyuns phone rang and he pinched the bridge of his nose, picking it up. It was his editor, and it was an ungodly hour of the night to be receiving any calls but he was used to it. Holding it up to his ear, he shut his laptop.

“Yes?”

“We need to talk about a book signing,” the editor’s voice cut through, clear and sharp, “For your book, Betty.”

“I know the name of my book Jungwoo,” he clicked his tongue, “Just email me the details will you?” “Already have. Your flight is in a week, I’ll be following a little later.”

“Sounds good. Is that all?”

He could hear the humoured chuckle of his editor and the amused look on his face over the call. “Good job on the book Jung, another best-seller, very different from your usual happy endings.”

“What can I say, I like keeping people on their toes,” he said, “Good night, or should I say good morning?”

“Go to sleep.”

Jungwoo cut the call and Jaehyun shook his head, tossing his phone on his couch. Walking to his bedroom, he yawned, switching on the softer lights and sitting down. On his bedside table, his book was displayed.

The book he had written was based on his stay two years ago back home. Betty was a hit, moving people young and old. Usually, he would have at least a paragraph as the summary on the back, but this time it was just one sentence.

‘The worst thing that I ever did, was what I did to you.’

A week later, he couldn’t believe where he found himself, right back home once again, but this time with his editor. He sat at the table, signing books and talking to his fans, fans he didn’t know but someone he came from the same place as them.

He found himself signing yet another front page of his book, as he hummed along to whatever the person standing there waiting for him was saying, smiling at what he thought was the right intervals. It was the dedication page, but it was mysterious, because he had dedicated it to a seventeen-year-old girl, but never mentioned her name.

Handing the book back, he waited for the next person, sighing. The walked up, placing the book on the table and speaking up.

“You screwed up, didn’t you?”

Snapping his head up, he saw Ailiseu standing there, a smirk on her face. Before he could answer, she took her book back. “Forget it, I don’t need the book signed, I already knew what it was about and I know the author personally.”

He pressed his lips together. “You were right. I did screw up.”

“Fix it then. You have a lunch break now.” She said, placing a small piece of paper on the table, “I have a feeling she won’t mind.”

Jaehyun swallowed. “She won’t?”

Ailuseu shrugged, “You don’t have to take my opinion, go find out yourself.” Giving him a pointing look, she turned around and walked away. Jaehyun smoothed out the crumpled piece of paper, studying its words. It looked like an address.

He knew what he had to do.

She was right, it was his lunch break, so he grabbed his coat and cap, getting out of the venue. He didn’t take the car, instead opting to walk the way to the place he had been directed to.

He was scared because he didn’t know how you would react. You had probably forgotten all about him, moved on with your life. He definitely hadn’t, something always led his thoughts and himself back to you, so much so that he wrote a whole book about it.

He was haunted by everything he did, with the way you had looked at him that day. In the disbelief he had to face with how it ended, he couldn’t reinvent himself, not this time at least.

Jaehyun reached the address, and it wasn’t an apartment complex, but a house. So much had changed and he was standing at the root of it all. He saw someone move in the windows and looked didn’t know if he should knock or not.

But it turned out, he didn’t need to, because you happened to look through the window, freezing on the spot when you saw him. He stood there, hands in his pockets, eyes meeting yours.

You took a step back, wondering if you had hallucinated. It was him, it definitely was. Your feet moved on their own accord carrying you to the door and you opened it, standing there and staring at him.

He stood on your front porch, he looked older just as you did. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in, leaning against the door and just taking him in.

“Jaehyun.”

He smiled softly, looking around, “Y/n.”

A sad smile made its way onto your face as the two of you stood there, a million unsaid things and paths that could have been explored. Somehow, something inside of you told you you had known he would be there.

“Been a while.”

“It has,” you agreed, “I read your book.”

He returned your smile, “Told you I wouldn’t let you down.”

“You never have,” you said,” realizing it was true. Life was cruel and this was life. He had just done what he needed to, just as you had. The look in his eyes was grateful and he sighed, taking a step closer to you.

“It’s summer,” he whispered, and you nodded.

“Indeed it is.”

fin.

[crossdressingdeath]

Re Cullen Dr-gon Age: whenever I see someone defending his actions because of his PTSD from being mentally tortured by demons in the Circle, I always feel like "Yeah that sure sounds HARROWING, doesn't it". Like it *is* traumatic and horrible; but all Circle mages are forced to go through exactly that or die in the attempt, and yet their trauma is never directly addressed in DAI. just Noodle McHeterosexual's

Also like... even if he'd never ever done a thing to hurt a single mage in all his days prior to Broken Circle and what happened to him wasn't in any way similar to the Harrowing, he still wouldn't have the right to take his trauma out on others?????? That's not how it works?????

But yeah, if a mage ever so much as says an unkind word to a Templar because Templars tortured them for years they're treated like they're just being so mean and unfair and don't they know that most Templars are totally nice and just ("just") lock children up forever for being born and only kill them if they get mad about being locked up. Meanwhile poor sweet baby Cullen got tortured by demons, so you know, if he wants to torture a bunch of children and young adults with demons (and also more traditional methods) that's just fair play! Because in case you forgot, he was tortured. By demons. Who were also torturing all the surviving mages in the tower and they weren't allowed to so much as show how exhausted and terrified they were or Cullen and his buddies would murder them, but we don't talk about that. Nor do we talk about how if you play a mage your introduction to Cullen is him helping to torture you, the teenage/early twenties Warden, with demons! And then casually informing you that he doesn't know what possession looks like and so would have just killed you stone dead if someone else told him to! HAVE I MENTIONED THAT CULLEN WAS TORTURED YET.

Essentially Cullen was a terrible choice to make into this poor, sweet innocent tormented baby. Pick someone who isn't human scum using his trauma as an excuse to be cruel to people who've never wronged him, Bioware. I don't think that's a high bar.