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#so it is hard to tell myself i'll do ok with it all
velocesainz · 15 hours
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𝑾𝒆𝒍𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝑴𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒂'𝒔 𝑩𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒊𝒒𝒖𝒆°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・
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☾⋆⁺₊🎧✩°。
Hello lovelies! Welcome to my boutique you can make your purchase of the items that are under the cut (You can always add your own prompts). I write romance, dark, angst and smut so feel free to let me know which genre you want to see me write. I also write for poly!drivers and really love it. Feel free to send me a message to talk about anything, I'm always here to listen. I write for the following fandoms. My requests are open
Formula 1 | Percy Jackson | Stranger Things
Add yourself to my taglist
♡₊˚ 🦢・₊ ♪ ✧
𝑪𝒍𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒕𝒆𝒎𝒔: ˙✧˖°📷 ༘ ⋆。˚
Bathrobe: You're literally perfect
Bikini: Sexy, sexy little slut
Blazer: Can you feel how how much you turn me on
Blouse: I wish I never met you
Bomber jacket: How could you say that
Cardigan: I could do this all day, all night
Cargo pants: You're not telling anyone what happens here
Crop top: I'll make tonight special
Corset: Oh you don't think it'll fit? Nice try but i will make it fit
Denim jeans: Your ass looks extra nice today
Flowy skirt: I wonder how your father would feel if he knew what was going on between us.
Graphic tee: Will you marry me?
Halter top: I will love you till the day I die
Hoodie: I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't tell you
Jacket: You're the best thing that has ever happened to me
Jumpsuit: Swallow it. I should not see even a drop and that pretty tongue of yours
Maxi skirt: I'm drunk ok, so what?
Mesh top: Why do you care so much
Midi skirt: How can you show off so much of your body like that? Your body is mine and only I get the see it and touch it
Leggings: How did I get so lucky
Off-shoulder top: Wait till we get home
Overalls: If you were a good little whore for me you wouldn't have to face this
Pencil skirt: You're so fucking stupid
Polo: I frankly don't give a fuck
Puff sleeve: That's sucka good fucking girl
Romper: You are going to regret what you just did
Shirt: Your moans are my favourite sound
Shorts: I'm not responsible for anything that happens after this
Sweater: It's time to put that mouth to good use
Sweatpants: You make my head spin
Tank top: I can't get enough of you
Trench coat: You really think you can escape from me
Tube top: You squeeze me so well
Tunic: Jealous? So what if I am jealous
Turtleneck: I'm going to mark you up so everyone knows you're mine
V-neck sweater: You are so hot it makes me hard just looking at you
Custom-wear: Any particular prompt phrase
𝑨𝒄𝒄𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉: ༘ 𝜗𝜚⋆。˚.ᐟ
Bracelet: Forbidden love
Earring: Soulmates
Necklace: Fake dating
Barrette: Bet
Scarf: Friends to lovers
Sunglasses: Arranged marriage
Watch: Strangers to lovers
Sun hat: Enemies to lovers
Baseball cap: Love triangle
Scrunchie: Unrequited
Headband: Secret relationship
Beret: Friends with benefits
Gloves: Rough sex
Cufflinks: Jealousy
Brooch: Soft sex
Bandana: Breeding
Belt: Spanking
Tie: Choking
Ear cuffs: Possessive/ obsessive
Clutch: Punishment
Shawl: Filming
Leg warmer: Degradation
Sashes: Drunk sex
Fedora: High sex
Beanie: Public sex/ semi-public
Face mask: insecure reader
Bucket hat: Mirror sex
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mistergoddess · 5 months
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hmm yeah in 2 weeks exactly from this moment i will be on a plane overseas for the first time ever in my life and i have put exactly zero thought into any of that like what i'm packing how i'm packing when i'm packing what i'm packing in how i'm getting to the airport what my next move is on a whole ass other continent after getting off the plane or even just. idk. general mental preparation. lmao.
i mean it's the uk and i am not solo traveling beyond the flight there so it's not that serious but fuck i have been head empty i can't even sort out getting a phone plan which i have exactly five days to do lmfaooo let alone all that. eugh. whatever. fuck it we ball mentality.
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bunnihearted · 3 months
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🦈2
#even tho it was so hard for me. ofc when u can only communicate via the internet so much is lost i think... sm extra things u need to be#more secure kinda? like physical presence does a lot on its own#but yeah.. ok i actually wrote more but u can only have 30tags per post and safari on ur phone does not tell u when it's stopping so half o#what i wrote just disappeared ._. i cant rmbr what i said... and i mean this is just for myself to vent but grr im so annoyed#yeah just that he was sm more patient than i realized. i just was in the start of learning how to live w my avpd#i wasnt able to do a lot. even if i wanted to. he helped me sm to uncover things in myself to start that thing within me#i just desperately wish i had found him earlier and that i've been this far along in my anti avpd limitation abilities.... truly wish that#so im trying to accept it and just think bc i dont have a choice :') i've never wanted anyone like this and that just is how it is#i will always love him simply bc he is who he is#he's so so cool and amazing to me in so so many ways. and i always loved just how he talks and communicates bc it resonates w me#and there are simply sm details i just adore. but yeah... i probably shouldnt think abt that? i feel like.. it isnt my place to think abt i#but it is what it is but it hurts so incredibly much. will i ever be able to let go of him? the love i couldve experienced? the wonderful#person i couldve been with? will i be able to stop thinking abt all his great qualities and how much i wish he was mine? and all the things#wanna do and talk abt with him? he's just.. he just is .. i cant describe it. it feels like more than just earthly love...#maybe i sound insane or too intense or dramatic or smth but.. it feels so much larger than everything#so i struggle sm with letting go bc i want to touch him and i want to love him and i just want to be with him and experience everything w h#but that isnt my place. i know... why.. have i only ever felt like this w him... what do i do with this?? am i crazy? am i going insane? is#there smth wrong with me?#he is worthy of everything and he is so so wonderful but is there smth wrong w me for being so..#for having love that actually truly is all consuming? what is this... it's scary. esp when i cant unleash it. it's like a wild beast i have#to learn how to tame. and i want to be able to find mutual love too. but i cant force anything. will the universe grant me that?#i cant imagine myself ever being able of letting go of him but if that is what the universe has planned then..#ok im actually starting to sound intense and weird and idk O.O i think i think too much#.. it hurts that i wont get to do all of the things and talk abt all the things i wanna do w him. i'll never get to hug him...#if i could ask for only one thing it'd be one hug from him....#maybe is ound crazy but with all my disorders and feeling disconnected from the world.. and finding someone that makes me feel tethered#and safe and real.. and having to let go bc it just wasnt meant for me... why is the universe so cruel.#in the end i care abt him so much i just want him to be loved. i want him to finally feel loved.#someone else.. someone else without avpd can do that for him. i want him to be oh so so loved and .. yeah.. :(#i wish i couldve loved him as he deserves but .. its not my place. not my place... all i want is to hear his voice and live in his arms
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scarletcomet · 2 years
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i am so normal and not mentally ill at all
#ok so im sorry to ppl who see this post before i delete it later but#i really want to sh and the only reason im like holding back is because scars#i have too many already and even if i tell myself i'll only do a little bit in an area that's easy to keep hidden i know that it's like#an addication and it's so hard to stop once you start and then the next thing you know you're out of space#the 2nd reason is because i don't want to break my 62 day streak on the calm harm app#i'm really out here having the same feelings about my days clean from sh as i do about my snapchat streaks or duolingo streaks huh#lmao#i'm really fucked up huh#i just need a few cuts but i know a few turns into 10 which turns into 50 and so on and then the same thing the next day#i know what relapses are like for me. 6 years of this shit now#maybe i should have thrown away all those blades back in september when i got clean again after a really bad relapse#i know exactly where they are hidden in the back of the drawer of my bedside table#i didn't throw them away because i wanted to have them 'just in case'#i guess having them there makes me feel idk safe?#anyways so sorry for posting this#im truly fine other than a little stressed and the overall self hatred#maybe i need to remember that i kinda freaked myself out several times the last relapse from like the severity of the wounds#i don't want to cut that deep though. at least rn. but i know once i start each cut just isn't 'bad' or deep enough so i keep going#ugh sorry for posting this idk what is wrong with me (other than the anxiety depression and adhd)#self harm tw
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ame-to-ame · 14 days
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:|
#i am not gods strongest soldier#she'll talk to someone who will say stuff like you're useless to her and take it fine but. she won't even stand to be in the same room w me#what difference is it to be being in your room playing games with the same people all the time vs. like idk.#aren't you just transferring who you're dependent on. is the difference just the level of commitment. you feel like you can leave whenever#nothing's changed really somehow. you're still doing the same things you did while back then. just that you also avoid me.#and god i don't know. i tell myself I'll care less I'll get over it it is what it is and i try so hard to be busy and not think abt it#but i can't sleep w/o watching something these days or else it's on my mind and that's been shit for my sleep quality#it's the first thing that pops up in my mind when i wake up. i get distracted in class sometimes by it. it's not like i can control it#it's just like the more you try to not think abt sth the more it comes up type of deal.#and I'm trying so hard but i think this is legitimately. gonna make me spiral and I'm trying my best to have a grip and not go there#i have things I'm looking forward to and I'm supposed to b having fun but it's hard when. There's that looming in the back of your head.#ugh ok rational choice let's go. i don't try to talk to her: we don't talk. she doesn't try to talk to me. i suffer in silence.#maybe I'll get over it find something new that feels like a safehouse but that's a big if. and idk how long i can hold on for#i try to talk to her: maybe it could go well? but maybe she'll just get more avoidant#i don't really get it it's like she can respond and laugh to stuff i say when in a group setting but she gets so guarded when it's just me#like subconsciously you know I'm not a threat you can allow yourself to have fun around me.#but you're consciously putting a guard up around me and reinforcing the negative feelings when it's just me#god. i don't. but. at least it sounds like she's happy for now so. that's all i ask for. if she doesn't want to see me i don't show up#i want to see her but. i mean. There's really no compromise or middle ground here.#they say time heals everything but it's already been so long. i don't even know why I'm still attached. she's like a different person.#the person i loved appears every now and then just never in front of me and I'm trying my best but I've never been good with loss#how do you come to terms with something being dead and alive at the same time. how do you make up the mind to drive the nail in the casket.#i can't make myself put it into the dirt when i catch a glimpse of the person i once knew. that hasn't changed for anyone else. just me.#vent#delete later
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kindacreepy-kindaugly · 6 months
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It never gets any fucking easier does it
#bitch bout to do smth very stupid here#i've kept my distance for what already feels like forever n i really thought by now i'd be. at least on the way to functioning on my own#i can ignore it when i'm doin ok but the pull never goes away it's always there#then i get low n i just. can't think of a reason to fight it anymore#i feel like i got sold just another lie. that if i just stay strong n don't go back then i'll start learning how to live w/o him but#did anyone actually tell me that? did i just lie to myself? he makes me feel awful most of the time but if i feel awful anyway then why not#sometimes it helps for a moment or two#that's if he even wants me around anyway. could you go either way#cause i'm sick n weak n suicidal just the way he likes me but also he might be too focused on doll to feel like playin w/ me rn#i feel like everyone told me it'd get easier but maybe they didn't. or maybe i'm doin smth wrong.#honestly it might be my fault he's gettin worse again in the first place cause maybe he was right n i just need a villain in my life#someone to blame when everything's too hard#i guess i wouldn't know what to do w/ myself if he really changed like we supposedly want him to so.....#i hate how i'm realizing he was right about more n more things all the fucking time#i can't do this on my own. i need someone to go to someone i can rely on someone to hold me#others in this system got someone who actually cares about em n what do i get? fucking val#i try not to go there cause it's not healthy but lately it's been hard to convince myself this life isn't a punishment#hell was too cozy so they put me here instead. i don't deserve to be looked after. i only deserve to be used#i don't know what exactly it was i did that was so awful but. i can't make sense of it any other way#so there must be something. this is just me gettin my due.#why else would i have been made like this? wired wrong for this world in so many ways always needin too much#so stop bitching n whining about it n just take it like a good boy#i'm still a good boy if i rly put myself into it right?#spdrvent
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thelostconsultant · 1 month
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Soft launch vs. hard launch
pairing: Charles Leclerc x reader
type: smau
summary: Oscar and Logan are very protective of you, so you and Charles have to get through them before making your relationship public.
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liked by logansargeant, charles_leclerc and 35,133 others
yourusername: I wanted to start the day at the gym, but someone knows the way to my heart ☕ logansargeant ❤️
view all comments
user1: You’re in Belgium? On an F1 race weekend?
↳ user2: Can’t wait for the posts about her shenanigans with Logan. 
oscarpiastri: And where’s my coffee?
↳ logansargeant: Get your own.
↳ oscarpiastri: Good to know I can count on my friend.
↳ yourusername: Stop flirting under my post! It will be flooded with shippers in seconds. 
↳ logansargeant: Shhhh, don’t tell him.
↳ oscarpiastri: Tell me what?
↳ yourusername: Nothing. 
↳ oscarpiastri: I hate you both.
↳ oscarpiastri: And see you at the track.
user3: I love these three. They should do a podcast together during the break. 
user4: I wonder who’s dating who. 
↳ user5: It’s a poly relationship, I’m calling it now. 
↳ yourusername: Wrong. 
↳ user4: Then what’s the truth? The suspense is killing us!!!!
↳ yourusername: 🤷‍♀️
charles_leclerc: Photos I can taste in my mouth...
↳ oscarpiastri: What?
↳ charles_leclerc: Her coffee.
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liked by oscarpiastri, vancityreynolds and 673,677 others
yourusername: So you wanna know what’s my favorite position? Here, now you know (credit to Debbie Ridpath Ohi)
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logansargeant: Look, there’s Oscar! 😼
↳ oscarpiastri: Haha…
user6: Sometimes I look at her weird posts and I have to remind myself what an amazing fashion model she is beside everything else she does.
user7: You should have taken a photo of yourself doing that. Preferably in a short skirt. 
↳ user8: Dude, gross, fuck off!
↳ logansargeant: Yeah, fuck off.
↳ user9: I love how Logan always shows up to tell assholes off. 
charles_leclerc: Guess the interview didn’t go as planned.
↳ yourusername: Never again. You were right.
↳ oscarpiastri: Wait, what interview?
↳ logansargeant: Hello? Care to answer your phone? 
↳ yourusername: Chill, boys, it’s ok. Already had my rant session with someone. 
↳ charles_leclerc: Anytime.
user10: When did this happen? Can’t remember Charles ever commenting under her posts. 
↳ user11: He has left comments before, but I gotta agree that he’s been suspiciously active lately.
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liked by yourusername, heidiklum and 291,329 others
charles_leclerc: Thank you for having me, verawang, I had a good time. Anyway, what do you think, would this one look good on me?
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user12: Considering how often he interacts with yourusername on social media, I'm not even surprised to see he happened to pick her photo.
logansargeant: You're talking about the clothes, right? Because if you're not talking about the clothes, we will have to talk.
↳ charles_leclerc: Am I in trouble?
↳ oscarpiastri: After writing, "would this one look good on me?" Yeah, you are. Pervert.
↳ charles_leclerc: I'll send you to your room, son.
↳ logansargeant: Pulling the adoption card? Tsk, you can't pull that on me. Confess.
yourusername: *pulls out the popcorn*
↳ logansargeant: Put that down, I sent you a message.
↳ yourusername: No.
↳ user13: LOL, I love that she's only here for the chaos.
user14: Charles, what's going on between the two of you? This is suspicious.
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liked by yourusername, danielricciardo and 1,754 others
charles_leclerc: Our first kiss captured by the one and only danielricciardo. #tbt
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user15: Soft launch on this average Thursday? Who is she?
user16: HOLY SHIT IS THIS YOURUSERNAME??????
↳ user17: This photo is so dark, how could you possibly tell?
↳ user16: Trust me, I'd recognize her anywhere. (Don't ask how.)
↳ oscarpiastri: I'd like to ask though.
↳ logansargeant: It's definitely concerning.
danielricciardo: You're welcome.
↳ logansargeant: Why are you randomly taking photos of other people making out?
↳ danielricciardo: I have a natural talent to recognize historical moments.
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liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1 and 1,932 others
yourusername: Someone came home from the party with a fake beard and fell asleep with it still on his face. No kiss for you until you get rid of it.
tagged: charles_leclerc
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user18: Are you a "soft launch by Charles" son or a "hard launch by Y/N" daughter?
↳ user19: And she hard launched it with this? She's so chaotic, I love her. She could've chosen some sweet photo, but instead she chose this.
user16: I told you all it's her. I knew it!
logansargeant: If you ever want to complain about him, you know where to find me.
↳ oscarpiastri: And me. I'm ready to trash talk my father.
↳ charles_leclerc: Thanks for the vote of confidence.
user20: Not Max liking this. Dude, just follow Charles!
oscarpiastri: Okay, reacting to Charles's photo now that you made this public: Keep it PG!
↳ yourusername: Osc, don't freak out, that's just a kiss.
↳ logansargeant: Yeah, but the rules.
↳ charles_leclerc: That's a photo, it's not happening in front of you.
↳ oscarpiastri: It was on my screen, so now it's burned into my brain.
1K notes · View notes
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Post war/coma comic about Gai struggling with his recovery
Since tumblr hates long form comics, I have to split this into 2 bc its 36 images. This is the first part, part 2 i'll either do as a reblog or a separate post right after this, stay tuned! Links to support me in pinned post <3
tw: s*icidal thoughts, injury, a little blood
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Bisuke: Gai's Back!
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Gai: GRAAH!
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Kks: Im home Gai: Welcome back Kks: [wheels rolling] Hey,
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Kks: Ga-!? Gai: Im fine. The tile is cool on my face. Kks: Wanna go lay down in bed? Gai: I am so /sick/ of lying down. Kks: Ok. What do you want for supper?
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Gai: You're not going to comment? Kks: I already know what happened. You overdid it again. I should be able to keep up with chores, kakashi. Kks: You can. Just don' bull through it all in one go. Do you want to end up in the hospital again? Gai: Please don't. Kks: I know sitting still is hard for you, and "too much" is in your DNA, but you have to take this slow so you don't exacerbate your injuries, Gai. You went from hyper-aware to pretending your body limits dont exist. Gai: Like you haven't done the same.
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Gai: You've proved your point. Kks: It's not about that. And you've dragged me to bed and out of bed repeatedly when I needed it. You were burning alive from the inside. Tsunade told you your immune system is out of whack. You need to take it easy. /I/ know you're capable, but are you trying to prove to /yourself/ you are? Gai: You want me to admit my embarrassment? Kks: If something serioud happens, You'll be even more embarrassed then
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Gai: How could you possibly know how I FEEL?! How could you EVER KNOW HOW I FEEL?! Kks: I DON'T! But I've /been/ the one ouking and sobbing on your bathroom floor because I couldn't take living anymore! And I don't want that for YOU!
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Kks: I'm sorry, Gai. Gai: I'm sorry
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Kks: I can't stand knowing you're in pain, and I can't get you help. If there was a way, I'd do anything. Gai: You do so much to help me already.... And I yelled at you Kks: I've screamed at you so much, that was pretty tame. I wish I was like you with things like this. Not great with what to say...... But I can listen.
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Gai: I hate feeling so weak. I'm tired all the time, in constant pain, I can't even walk-..... I can tell tenten and the boys worry despite my efforts to appear positive. Kks: They're just not sure how to react. They know you hate being babied, but don't want to push you into hurting yourself. You hate being told you can't do something. They love you. You get stronger everyday, everyone is cheering you on.
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Gai: I know it's irrational, but... I feel like you gave up the Hokage position to take care of me. Kks: Haa!? I'm grateful if anything. I'd be retired too if I could. That'd be amazing. I'm dreading just helping Tsunade but as long as you're by my side, I'll be fine. We're still equals, rivals, friends, partners
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Gai: Even if I can't- Kks: /Always/ wil be, dickhead. Gai: You worry about me hurting myself? Kks: I know you think about it
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Kks: We're the same in that regard Gai: I would never act on this, please believe me, these thoughts are rare........... Kks: It's ok, Gai. Gai: Sometimes I think i should have just died. I feel so out of place on the streets I used to feel so at home at. I never asked to live. I didn't plan to. I just don't know how to-...
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Kks: I understand that. Though, dying didn't feel any better. Gai: I know I didn't fully pass like you did. I didn't see papa. Just for a moment, I wish I could have seen him.
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Kks: As much as I'm sure he wants to see you again, It's too soon. Dai'd slap the shit out of you for wanting to waste your youth just to see him. Gai: [chuckle] probably. Kks: I have those thoughts less and less now, but they're still there. "why am I the one who survives?" "Burden" "Gai will come to his senses eventually"
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Gai: FALSE!! None of my grief is with you! I love living here with you! My love for you only burns hotter each day! You're so lovely inside and out! Kks: Maa What did I do to deserve such praise from teh mouth of the hottest man in Konoha?? Gai: YOU STILL THINK I'M HOT?! Kks: YOU-! [CACKLE]
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Kks: Your bad taste is the only reason I had a chance before someone snatched you up. Gai: The worst. Kks: Thought we'd irritate eachother, but it's been pretty smooth. Even though you still get played by the dogs. Gai: You really wanna throw those stones?
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Gai: They play you just as easily. don't lie. Kks: My point is, whatever you need from me, you have it. No questions asked. Even if you yell and scream, i can take it. You held me together when I was unraveling, and I'll never forget it. Didn't trust anyone else to see me like that. Broken
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Gai: I never saw you as that. Kks: I'll never see you as that
1K notes · View notes
yzashaven · 6 months
Note
helloo, this is my first time requesting something but I have gotten obsessed with the way you write so-
I had this idea of a f!reader that is really not vocal in bed. And scaramouche absolutely GETS OFF to every little whimper and whine she makes because he doesn't hear it that often and makes an effort to hear *something* KDBDKDIEIDJD
Ok that's it, woohoo (with my luck i've already forgotten i even wrote this a day later so I'll just sign off with an M to remind myself, lmao)
~M
𝐌𝐎𝐀𝐍 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐄
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꒰ 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 ꒱ scaramouche x fem!reader
꒰ 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 ꒱ nsfw themes. cunnilingus. begging (both sides). fingering. penetration. kiss/bite marks. use of "baby" n "pretty girl". just the tip but not for long. he slaps his cock on your pussy like once + slight pussyjob?! (think that's it :3)
꒰ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬 ꒱ he just wants to hear your cute little moans. is there really something wrong with that?
𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄—this was actually drafted like... a few days ago?? i don't remember when but suddenly, now, at a random time of 4am i felt like finishing it so here u go !! might be a bit off or something cuz i did it while half awake 😭 LMAO [not proofread]
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he's trying his best, he really is. all he wanted was to hear your pretty moans that tell everything he needs to know—that he's making you feel good.
scaramouche's tongue laps up your dripping arousal as his hands held your thighs apart. a soft sigh could be heard from him upon dragging a finger along your slit. that same finger soon enters your hole and finally, you let out a small moan. your voice was barely above a whisper yet he still heard it, "please moan for me, baby," scaramouche says and dips his head back down in between your legs. he plants a gentle kiss to your clit before speaking up again, "i really want to hear your pretty voice." he sounds almost... desperate.
he brings in another finger inside your pussy, curling them up at the perfect angle that he was sure would let you let out some kind of sound.
but all he got was silence.
a frown forms upon his lips but he won't give up. he leans down to suck on your clit all the while maintaining eye contact as much as possible. a deep blush appears across your cheeks, radiating heat on your skin. his hand makes it way to yours to guide it towards his head. you oblige in his obvious wishes and let your fingers tangle in the soft locks of his hair.
scaramouche pushes his fingers a bit deeper within you, in hopes that the tips of his fingers hit your sweet spot ever so slightly. he wants you to be all needy for him. surely that'll get you talking, right?
after some time, he found himself already lost in the sounds of your cute whimpering whenever he thrusts his fingers inside. "...'m cumming, scara..." you quietly gasp out as he began to absolutely devour you. he's acting like he hasn't eaten in days (which he doesn't even need to do!) "cum on my tongue, baby. cum for me."
you let the waves of pleasure wash over your body and bit by bit, moans began to continuously be drawn out from you. he smiles and lets out a low groan; upon standing up, you could clearly see how hard he was as he was stroking the length of his cock. slowly working it up from the base up to the tip.
he teasingly slaps his cock against your folds, eliciting a few good whimpers from you. since he felt like teasing you further, he slides the length of his dick along your slit. the head of it entering your hole every now and then but never fully settling inside you.
"tell me you want it." he spoke in a low and sultry tone.
"i want it." you replied upon throwing the last bit of your dignity out of the window, "i want you, scara. please..." a soft smile curls up his lips. affectionate kisses on your forehead and temples as he easily slid his cock inside. every sweet little sound you let out seems to drive him a little more crazier.
scaramouche's thrusts were slow, yet deep and precise—making sure that you felt pleasure rather than any hints of pain. "fuck, scara..." the way you gasped out his name with so much need laced in your voice. he fucking loves it.
"let me hear you some more, pretty girl." he whispers in between soft kisses on your collarbone as he felt like marking you with his kiss and bite marks. the feeling of that along with the head of his dick reaching your deepest parts sent shivers throughout your body.
he's glad to know that he's making you feel good.
and now he wants to fill you up for being such a good girl, all for him.
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bellflower-goat · 2 years
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<:]
#Just scroll past if ya see this#Hm. I am realizing many things tonight#This might be vent-ish so beware!#I am more than a bit broken and I don't really know what to think about it#Many things that happened 1-5 years ago hurt me a lot and I never quite realized it#And if I did. I tried to minimize it. like if it wasnt enuff to count as a bad thing. I had it good! But#Then I realized that I didn't. maybe I did have it better than some people but it was still bad nonetheless.#n I'm only now comin to terms that it ok to say that it hurt me. it's ok to say I had it bad!#I still don't know if im really aut.istic or if im overanalizing stuff#It's hard to tell really. some people in my family are on the spectrum#And idk if it's really alright to say that I might be. iknow people say that it's alright to inform yrself and it helps but#Maybe I'm makin a mountain out of a molehill and it's not that deep. The copin mechani.sms help me wonders#And some stuff like what being over or understi.mulated ring some bells as to what happens to me#But I still don't know. And maybe if I look it up more I'll just fill myself w the wrong ideas and make a wrong assumption#It's weird.#Stuff's weid and idk if I should worry so mucha bout this. It's kinda pointless isnt it?#But its scary to not know what's happenin to my body. Freezing up and not being able to talk at all and hrmin mself just to feel#somthing. anything. It's very scary! Cause I'll have plans for when it happens but it didn't work last time and I felt so sick n i tre.w up#And I don't know what's happening or what I can do to help myself or anything.#I wish i was exagerating I really do.#but maybe I'll be alright. I hope I will#I discovered many stuff abt me but I still don't know so much#I am worrying too much and this won't help. Maybe I should take a bath.#I think ill go do that actually.
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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ain soph aur brainrot
#🌙.rambles#it is 4 am after a long good but tiring day n my mind is a mess pardon my rambles for the night#i am thinking a lot. but at the same time also not at all. BUT but one certain thought rn while i'm listening to ain soph aur#I'M THINKING OF LUCIFER OH MY GODDDD. PAIN. I LOVE HIM. i love the lyrics so much. oh my god#thinking about it n i have loved angels for a very long time#ok confession when i was a kid i used to be somewhat religious bcs catholic school sob n my mom is too#not devout but she believes in god so yeah. n i was a good girl! i would believe in god too n all n#i found the bible interesting imho but mostly the old testament n uhhh#as i grew up my beliefs changed bcs i honestly don't believe in any god. if you do believe in god then oh that's good for you! i don't mind#i respect it but it ain't for me. because if there's a god out there then they must hate me then#i'm just not fond of religious people that. are too dependent on god. like please goddamn no#i much prefer to rely on hard work and believe in my own self than luck or some divine being or whatever#can you tell claude is also my favorite character in fire emblem three houses c:#that said oh my god i just thought randomly about how. it. meeting all the people i have in my life#that said i'd consider myself lucky to have met you all. i'll try not to think more of it rn bcs i'd probably get emotional n cry again#maybe this is a bit hypocritical of me but i personally like to believe in fate/destiny in a way when it comes to you#back to gbf though 🥺 OH YEAH I WAS TALKING ABOUT ANGELS#i find mythology vvv interesting! i greatly love mythology. n similar stuff too. i really really really want to read paradise lost#i love angels. so going through wmtsb (i haven't finished the third part yet bcs i am too emotional n nervous n scared for it but#oops we will forget that fact for now)#i've always loved angels and birds and wings. freedom. i think i read fanfic with. themes with those. i really loved them#god this reminds me again of how much i really want to learn and understand n know so much more. about everything#in life in the universe in this world. and of everyone. please tell me all about your thoughts and secrets and emotions and desires#your past. i really want to know. i'm genuinely so curious about it all#which is a bit dangerous now that i think of it in this world. this society. but personally for me i really value loyalty n honesty n trust#but we can hurt the people we love even if we don't want to. and i'm very used to the feeling of. feeling like i'm a monster#buuuut i still very much love the concepts of ^^ & emphasis actually on the S there#like yk if i relate n love angels and the moon and the night and the sky so very much. n that love is part of my identity#i wonder what about for everyone else. i want to learn from another human. i'm so goddamn curious about everyone#i'm gna sleep now but oh my god october passed by so quickly
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lucy90712 · 3 months
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kinda sad but reader distancing herself from jude bc she’s pregnant and don’t know how to tell him and he’s really scared bc he thinks she’s gonna leave him
A/n: I had to give this a happy ending as I have far too much angst to write that I needed a pick me up
Do it. Just do it. 
I have to keep telling myself those few words. In front of me sits a pregnancy test that I can't get myself to take as I don't want to know the answer. Jude and I have always been really careful as he doesn't want kids, I don't mind either way but because he doesn't want them we always try to be super safe. Despite that for the last few weeks I've just not felt right I've been feeling really nauseous and my period is now a week late which really only means one thing I just didn't want to believe it. As much as I know I'm almost definitely pregnant I don't want to take the test as that will confirm it and then I'll have to deal with the consequences.
How would I tell Jude? Would he leave me? Can I raise a baby on my own? All of those questions swirled round my brain as I still just stared at the test. Jude will definitely not be happy but if I am pregnant I don't want to get rid of the baby as I don't think I could handle all the emotions that come with that. If I don't get rid of the baby I can definitely see Jude breaking up with me which I understand he doesn't want kids and he's just starting out his career at Real Madrid he won't want a baby to look after so I'll probably be on my own in a city I don't know with no support. 
It got to the point that all of the questions were starting to eat away at me so to forget about them I decided just to take the test. What no one tells you about taking a pregnancy test is that the few minute wait for the result feels like a century I swear I was pacing back and forth forever before the screen displayed the result. I chose to take a digital test as it would tell me how many weeks I was as that's something I wanted to know too but then I realised that knowing how far along I am will make it feel a whole lot more real. There was no surprise when I finally looked at the test and it said pregnant 4-5 weeks. 
Finally seeing it confirmed made it impossible to hold back my tears any longer. Instinctively my hand went to my stomach as I thought about how in a few short months I will have a baby the baby that is currently growing inside me. The tears were a mix of happiness as somehow I was actually happy to know I was pregnant and anxiety as I have no idea what the future holds. 
~~~~~~~~~~
It has been a month since I found out I was pregnant and I'm now 10 weeks along. A few weeks back I went for my first ultrasound and got to see the baby and make sure everything was ok which it was. Jude still doesn't know, I've tried to tell him so many times but I just can't do it I either chicken out or the moment just doesn't feel right. I know I need to tell him soon as I'm already starting to develop a small bump which will only get bigger and sometimes I think Jude gets a bit suspicious when I won't eat certain things I usually love as I know they will make me sick. 
Over the past month I have definitely been a lot more distant with Jude which has meant he hasn't noticed when I've had really bad sickness days and that I have a small bump growing. It's hard hiding such a big secret from him which is part of why I've been so distant because I just want to tell him and for us to be a happy family but I know it won't go that way and I can't bare the thought of that. I love Jude so much and I don't want to ruin our relationship but I know at some point I'll have to tell him and deal with whatever heartbreak comes along with that. 
No one apart from me knows about my pregnancy not even my parents or my friends I have kept it a complete secret. Today though I'm seeing my friends and I know they are getting a bit suspicious as when we go out I'm always tired and I don't drink anymore. We aren't doing much today just going for brunch so I got up after Jude left for training and went to where we were supposed to meet. Once everyone was there we went in and got a table and I lasted less than a minute before the smell of someone's food made me feel so nauseous that I had to run to the bathroom. My best friend joined me to make sure I was ok but I knew she wasn't convinced when I said I was fine. 
"Are you ok?" The rest of the group asked 
"Yeah I'm fine" I said 
"What's going on girl you've been acting weird for a while now" my best friend said 
"Ok you guys can't say anything to anyone but I'm pregnant I found out a month ago and I've been hiding it because Jude doesn't want kids and I don't know how to tell him" I admitted 
None of them really knew what to say they all knew that Jude didn't want kids and a baby was never supposed to be part of our lives so they were as shocked as I was. After the initial shock they all started giving me advice and telling me everything would be fine. They all tried to reassure me that Jude wouldn't leave me when he found out but they did say I need to tell him at some point soon and I agree but it's hard to find the right words to say. 
Once I got back home I just sat in silence thinking about life and how I got to this point. I was so consumed with my thoughts that I didn’t hear the front door opening or Jude calling my name as he entered the house with increased panic when I didn’t reply. I only came back to reality when he was stood in front of me catching his breath after I nearly gave him a heart attack. There was a lot of staring at each other as I tried to find something to say while he tried to read me and work out what I was thinking. 
“Love are you ok and before you tell me you’re fine I know you’re not you’ve been acting strange for a while and I just want to know what I can do to make things better” he said 
Hearing him say that was too much for me I just burst into tears right in front of him. His arms made their way around me and he tried to calm me down but that didn’t help. This last month I’ve held back all of my emotions about this whole situation and now they are coming out all at once and I can’t hold them back any longer. I tried to tell him but the words couldn’t escape my mouth so instead I grabbed his hand and took him upstairs with me. I kept my pregnancy test and ultrasound pictures hidden away in my wardrobe so I found them and just placed them in Jude’s hands. This isn’t how I wanted to tell him but I think it’s the only way I can do it without having another breakdown. 
“What is this?” He asked 
“I’m pregnant” I said 
“I’m sorry I know you don’t want kids and we are always careful I don’t know how it happened and I just I’m just sorry” I rambled 
“Hey it’s ok calm down how long have you known?” He asked 
“I’ve known for a month and I’m 10 weeks now” I said 
“Wow we are going to be parents” he said hugging me tightly 
“Wait you aren’t mad” I questioned 
“No of course I’m not mad I’m actually really happy I know I said I didn’t want kids but more recently I started to change my mind especially seeing you with all the guys kids it made me want that with you I couldn’t be happier right now” he said 
“So you aren’t going to leave me?” I asked 
“Of course not I can’t wait to go through this whole journey with you I’m just sad I haven’t been there for you until now” he said 
Hearing that was such a relief but not at all what I expected. I’ve always been told things happen for a reason and this is one of those things I guess. Naturally Jude had a lot of questions so I told him everything like everything I know about the baby and how I’ve been feeling as he wanted to know how I’ve been coping. It felt so good to finally tell him everything and he seemed so genuinely happy which allowed me to actually think about how excited I am too as that’s something I’ve pushed away until now. 
After a long conversation we both went silent and just took a minute to take in what has just happened. As we sat there Jude’s hand made its way to my shirt which he lifted up slightly and just rested his hand on my tiny bump. I watched as the smile on his face got even bigger than it was before I could see him look at my almost non existent bump with so much love that it almost made me cry. This whole thing doesn’t seem anywhere near as scary now that I know Jude is here to support me and I already know he’s going to be the best dad if he loves our baby this much already. 
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jackalopenecropsy · 4 months
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ok i'll indulge myself....
part 1(?) of biker gang!141 and an interesting fem grunge!reader... if u want more
cw; slight mentions of blood
The streets were pretty quiet this time of night. The only sounds to be heard were barking dogs or tires occasionally skidding in the distance. And the teenagers were never out this late in the fall, as school just started or they were working their dead jobs at the gas station or high school graduates pouring the same 5 drinks at a bar.
You liked walking around- even though it was maybe 1 or 2 in the morning- mainly because you had your scary guard dog with you, (who wasn't even a bit scary, he was just a police academy dropout with a fear of cotton swabs and squirrels) but also because the air this time of year smelled the best. It did wonders for your skin and sinuses, so why not? Walking around in the daytime was a lot more of a chore anyways, teenagers skating sporradically with fruity vapes on necklaces or older men just leaving their blue collar jobs for lunch while staring at you with unreadable expressions.
The northwoods, sigh. You'd told yourself that you'd leave it all the time when you were a kid. Over the years, a mix of the economy making that absolutely impossible and an aquirement of taste for small-town life made it a lot easier to accept the impossibility of it. Bartending and eventually being remote in editorial work kept you afloat in the small house you'd been able to buy flat out in the south side of town.
That part of town was just cemeteries and neighborhoods, neighborhoods and railroads, and gas stations and bars. As most south sides were. Another luxury of living where you lived was the copious amounts of streets and drag-worthy strips of old highway that laid for miles in one direction or another.
You used to work as a freelance flag girl for drag racers on some shitty craigslist copy, but quit l because the only racers that wanted you were full of white-claw drunk young assholes rooting for douchebag car modders who compensated for their dick sizes by throttling so hard that the pop of their exhausts sounded like gunfights. It was too loud and to risky and too tasteless.
But in the ends of the summer, it was taken over by the bikers. Not bicycle-bikers, but motorcyclists.
You were absolutely terrible at hiding your drooling depraved stares at every single one of them. The young women in skin-clad leather and red lipstick with matching sleek bikes, the finer-aged older men in their lean-back harleys with bandanas, the cute guys your age in their blackout helmets and their modestly-modded bikes. Oh, the variety, oh the taste. You had once thought about picking up biking yourself, but when you told your friends they all cackled at the idea. You were too absent minded at times; definitely from all the weed you smoked. Only half embarassed, you agreed.
Tonight was no different than the other nights of early Septembers before. Your dog lapped his tongue in the air catching stray dew drops falling from leaves overhead as you took your time walking accross the street. He swayed his tail so hard that you almost got knocked over a few times. The sound of a motorcyle revving in the distance made you slow your speed to a halt, listening intently, shamefully to see if you could get any bit of eye candy while out.
You recognized the sound of the engine, which soon became engines as the sounds came closer.
'Oh... a group of Kawaskis?? No... that's at least two more different motorcyles, but a few Kawaskis.. Do I hear a Harley?'
You blinked to yourself before shaking your head.
'God fucking damnit, you geek. You should NOT be able to tell what motorcyle model someone's riding from the fucking engine.'
Before you can shamefully walk back towards your house, you feel your dog tug harshly at his leash. You try to hold him back, but he yanks with one solid push of his back paws on the blacktop, and before you know it, you're hands and knees down on the hard ground as he's running full speed towards the sound of the motorcycles.
You groan in frustration as you stand up in a small bit of pain, your fishnets torn to shit as your palms and knees are scraped just enough to bleed a reasonable amount for getting launched by a 90 lb dog of muscle.
"Riley!" You shout and run at him, dodging a few trash cans along the street's edge as you do so. "Riley, goddamnit! Come back! Here boy!" Your converse were broken in enough to give you good ground as you chased him, and you almost grab his loose leash dragging behind him- until you trip over your own feet again just before you do.
You stay on the ground this time, unworried for your dog, as he's a big boy who knows how to not get hit by a car or get lost. More focused on the soul-eating embarassment of being outrun by a dog with more anxiety than a war veteran, and tripping twice in the process. You ignore the growing and stalling sound of engines beside- or in front, you can't tell being face down in the gravel- you as you're grovelling.
"Eh... excuse me miss? Are you alright?" You hear a gruff, dark voice mumble from just above you. You whip your head up to look at 5 people in bikers helmets just in front of you, their motorcyles off or stalling as they stand looking down at you on the ground.
"Oh- oh my- uh yeah- don't worry about me I'm great. I just tripped- nothing serious." You wave them off as you try and cover the growing fluster on your face. You stand and shake the dirt off your hands before swiping it off of your zip up, shaking it out of your gloves too. You look up to see none other than Riley, sitting contently behind the man in front of you, eagerly being pet by one of the bikers with a skull design painted onto his helmet and visor.
"Riley!" The biker looks up and your dog wags his tail hard enough to knock the bikers over too, and barks at you. "You are so not going to get any treats when we get home." He whines and continues barking, then twirls in a circle.
"You're dog's name is Riley?" The man in the skull helmet asks- and you suddenly become hyperaware of how all of the bikers are staring so intently at you. And those that have spoken so far have sickeningly thick English accents.
"Ah- yes, yeah. I was just on a walk and I heard you guys from the other street- but he just loves motorcylists so much, he took off on me. Usually he just waits until they pass us by. I'm so so sorry if he got in your way or anything." You scramble to try and seem somewhat normal as you switch between standing like a deer in their headlights, and holding your arms as the wind blew against your back.
"Ain't that a funny coincidence." The biker next to him stated, his accent thicker, and different. Possibly scottish.
"You watch it- It is a good name for a dog like this." The skull-helmet points an authoritative finger at the scot before patting Riley's head again. The man in front of you laughs heartily and takes his helmet off, revealing an older- FINELY aged man with hair in a short, short pulled back light brown and gray spotted ponytail. His mustache pulled down into a scruffy beard by mutton chops, giving him a real grizzly harley-rider look. You swore your jaw dropped when he took it off, and you were quick to cover your mouth when he smiled at you.
"I'm sorry about that miss- You've got a good dog protecting you. My names John Price." He walked up and took your hand from your face, squeezing it lightly. "My boys back there are harmless. You seem to have roughed yourself up a bit." He tilts his head as he leans back and looks you up and down, still holding your hand. Oh how deeply thankful you were that he was blocking the headlights from illuminating your red face.
"Yeah- I'm fine though, really! I just, can't keep up with Riley if I tried." You laugh and tremble a little as the cold air catches up to you. He raises an eyebrow- and fuck it gets to you because it makes him smirk a little bit too.
"Well, no offense but you look like you're in no condition to walk home like that!" A woman's voice comes up from behind Price's. You squint at the light when she comes up, and you see a blonde woman about his age with smile lines and blue eyes that could knock you down to your knees yet again. "My name's Kate, don't let John here scare you, he's just an old man." They banter a bit as you stare into space, begging any ethreal being to show you a sign that this is real life.
'Fuck being bisexual, god hates me.' You curse to yourself as you smile shyly at her.
"We can give you a ride home if you'd want! I wouldn't feel right letting you have to get yourself home with blood down your legs." Price motions with his free hand at your torn fishnets, rocks littering the cuts on your leg.
"Oh- I don't want to impose or anything, and I'll have Riley!" You struggle to keep yourself still as the wind continually stings.
"Lass, you're shakin' like a leaf in this wind." The scottish man shakes his head in his helmet, leaning back against the flat of his bike.
"You ain't getting home with just a dog draggin' you forward." The gruff voice of the skull-head from beside him made you look away in embarassment. They were all right, you were blocks away from home, and you didn't have your phone on you either.
"Um.. If you're sure you don't mind... but what about Riley?"
"He can ride wi' me!" The scott excitedly patted the flat he was leaning on, shuffling a few top panels to show a compartment on the back of it that had a hooking mechanism for leashes. Assumedly he had dogs too, and how greatful you were for it.
You sigh in relief that you wont have to limp home in your misery, as strong as you are, the chunk of you lost twice to the blacktop actually hurt more than you'd ever want to admit.
Before you can take a step forward, you're lifted off your feet and holding the shoulders of Kate. She laughs as you gasp and sets you on the back of skull-head's bike so you can backpack him, right next to Riley in the odd formation their bikes created.
"I promise he's not as scary as he looks- right Simon?"
"I don't bite." He chuckles deeply and you tense against his back as he does so. "You might want to hold on tho', I'm not exactly the easiest ride." You blush, hard as he says it, and the group laughs loudly as they start their bikes.
"Oi, treat her nice Si." A soft voice jeered from the last bike to Kate's right. "Or else I'll have to take her off your hands."
"Nice try Gaz."
"Boys! Quit scarin' her." Price chuckles and lights a cigar as he revs his engine. "Or else she wont wanna see us again. Now where do you need us to take you, love?"
'Ah.' Was all that crossed your mind as you locked your arms around Simon's waist, and you all shot off down the street.
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moviecritc · 5 months
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ohhh i may have an idea for your polyamorous thing, what about the reader trying to soft launch her relationship with carlando but people keep thinking they’re just a group of very close friends or they think that she is only dating one of them and the other is just their friend so she gets tired of people not taking the hint and just ends up hard launching? maybe at a grand prix weekend?
captions ⋆ carlando smau
pairing: carlando x reader
summary: carlos, lando and you had been dating and soft launching each other for almost two years, and carlos just got bored of people thinking you're just friends.
warnings: some suggestive comments
a/n: not the biggest fan of lando EXCEPT when carlos is around so i loved doing this so much. also, it's my first smau, pls tell me what you guys think about it <3
masterlist | wattpad | letterboxd
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yourusername spent a few days watching this two drive in circles very fast (+ kiki)
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user1 NEW CARLANDO PHOTO JUST POSTED
user2 thank u y/n for feeding us with all this carlando content
landonorris dry ass caption
yourusername at least i post you you dumbass user1 never beating couple allegations user3 carlos must be so tired of third wheeling them
user4 THAT IS THE CUTEST DOG I'VE EVER SEEN
francisca.cgomes i'll never forgive you for naming your dog almost like me
yourusername it's my love language ok landonorris you could've named it lando or smth yourusername i'll change her name to nowins 💋 landonorris wait wat
carlossainz55 👑
landonorris ok i'll correct myself THIS is dry carlossainz55 you muppet yourusername at least he comments good things ?? user5 their friendship is top tier
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user1 here before y/n
user2 NOT LANDO SOFT LAUNCHING CARLOS
user3 i'm dying
user4 i don't wanna start something but that aren't lando's arms in the third picture
user5 it scares me that you can recognize lando's arms... user6 girl go touch some grass
yourusername and i'm the one getting called dry
landonorris i didn't want you to feel bad bout you're boring caption 💛
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yourusername you guys could've win at least
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landonorris isn't a podium not enough for you?
yourusername no landonorris yeah idc what you think yourusername THEN WHY U ASK i'm changing to red bull they'll give me more emotional stability maxverstappen1 please stay there i don't want to have lando in the garage looking for you
user1 cute cute cute friendship
user2 call me crazy but...
user3 but WHAT GIRL? user2 lando soft launching carlos and posting the picture of y/n with another boy (definitely carlos), and them posting each other anytime they can user4 girl they're just friends user5 yeah they've been knowing each other for a long time, they're just very close
carlossainz55 our biggest supporter 💛💛
yourusername always 💛 user2 OUR biggest supporter? them using the same heart lando used in a previous post? user6 paranoid
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carlossainz55 💛💛💛
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user1 WAIT OMFG
user2 CARLOS HARD LAUNCHING LANDO AND Y/N I TOLD U GUYS
user3 they're all dating?
user4 isn't that obvious
yourusername cute dog
carlossainz55 Hermosa we talked about calling Lando our dog landonorris she meant kiki you muppet yourusername no i actually meant you baby
user4 y/n won the game with this two
user5 now i know how true jealousy feels like
yourusername my pretty boyss 💛
carlossainz55 🥰🥰
landonorris dream rides 🤩
yourusername lan- carlossainz55 I'm going to ban Lando from this app user3 LANDO LMAOOOO
user6 CARLOS AND KIKI ARE THE CUTEST AHGDJKJHFSA
charlesleclerc so happy for you guys
user7 charles approves
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yourusername your dream girl's dream boys
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carlossainz55 First
landonorris he's so obsessed carlossainz55 Yeah
landonorris now THAT is a good caption
francisca.cgomes ok cutiess
danielricciardo Y/N blink twice if you need help
landonorris shut the fuck up she's totally fine with us yourusername save me pls
user2 does she even have a job?
landonorris serving cunt? carlossainz55 Being the most beautiful woman in the world? yourusername i'm a publicist but yeah mostly what they said user3 you're so iconic for this
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ame-to-ame · 29 days
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Rereading ayaka is in love with Hiroko senpai!!! Last time I read it I don't think it was finished/I didn't finish it but ack. Now I also want to be in love 😭😭😭
#i want to say i want to be someone like ayaka but in reality im probably more like hiroko#i used to be someone like ayaka. i was really tunnel visioned and i didn't consider much aside from the person i was interested in#but it's been years now and there's a lot more to consider and it's. hard and im even more scared now.#i think there's someone who im currently talking with who's trying to figure out if im into women or not and if im available or not#but it's that sort of thing where there's just. a lot in my shoulders and a lot to consider. i want a relationship eventually but.#there's just so much to consider right now. in the past i thought that as long as i could make my partner happy a rx is just btwn 2 of us#but when i did actually get into a serious long term relationship i realized that most people. do expect getting to have in laws.#people for the most part want to be loved proudly and not have to hide it. and i do too. but at the same time. i just. there's so much on me#i almost came out to my dad the other day while trying to console him. but maybe that news would just be the last straw for him. idk.#i just can't really afford to have my life be shaken up much more right now when i just rebuilt some stability.#especially when my parents are having a midlife crisis and both of them are leaning on me. my health worsening also stressed them out too.#i really thought I'd be braver and have less to worry about the older i got and the more independent i became but. ig not.#in my teens i told myself once i reached adulthood I'd be free to be myself and pursue happiness. in my 20s i tell myself after med school.#maybe once I'm finally out of med school and etc I'll have the opportunity to live my life. or maybe by then there will be another reason.#it's a real concern. i mean. sure I've never wanted kids I've always been ace and I've always liked women but. the societal pressure.#to other queer people the gaydar goes off easily but to the cishet audience i've mostly. been able to go unnoticed.#and when you're younger not having a bf or ppl you're interested in and being focused on your studies is a thing your parents are proud of#but as i get older. it's just been harder. i don't know how much longer i have before i have to conform or have the cat out of the bag.#i don't even get it sometimes. i really don't. the expectation of family and marriage is wanting happiness for your child right? but somehow#idk. idk. i really don't know. sometimes maintaining an image. might be more important than your child's feelings.#and i really can't be certain that between ego and saving face compared to me that. I'll come out on top. i really don't know.#idk. idk. i know there are ppl interested in dating me. but idk. i really need some time to process things through.#sometimes i ask myself how i would feel abt it and i really can't figure out how i feel at all.#it's ok to date someone u don't love ig. i mean. I've done it before. you can make yourself like someone after a while. but idk if i.#idk i just. i think im just really scared. and I'll need at least another month or so before anything is back on the table.#it's honestly just me running away from having to deal with sorting out thoughts and feelings 👍👍👍 which i eventually will have to face ig#but if i do fall in love ik i have it in me to sort those things out quickly i think. if im not too scared to let myself fall.#ig i just have to get more used to ppl being interested in me again ack 😭 it's easy to ignore it when dating someone but. now.#and it was fine in the summer bc i wasn't really around too many ppl my age. but. ugh. unfortunately. i do have. a face and a personality.#delete later
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cosmicdream222 · 6 months
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EFT Tapping Script Template for Void State, Manifesting & Shifting
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・。.。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
This is an example EFT tapping script to use to clear your negative beliefs, calm your nervous system, and reprogram your mind with positive affirmations around entering the void, manifesting your dream life or shifting.
If you've never tried tapping before, this quick video demonstrates all the points you need to know. Some people don't use the wrist point and that's fine, I prefer to use it. You can also tap other places on the body, especially places that might hold tension like your lower back or shoulders.
Phase 1: Set-Up
Tapping sessions start off with a "set-up" on the side of the hand, where you tell yourself that even though you have all these negative thoughts, it's ok and you love yourself anyway.
The set-up phrase template is: "Even though I [have this negative thought/feeling/situation], I deeply and completely love and accept and forgive myself." It's usually repeated 3 times, but can go longer if you want.
It's best to use your own words, but this is the basic idea:
For void state: "Even though I think the void is hard to enter, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Even though I have tried so many times to enter the void, and I keep failing, and I'm so frustrated and annoyed, I deeply and completely love and forgive myself. Even though I have tried so many methods and nothing is working, and I'm so mad that people make it seem so easy, and I feel like something is wrong with me, I deeply and completely love and accept and forgive myself. I'm willing to change the way I look at things. I'm willing to change my mind and my state. I'm willing to let go of the past."
For manifesting your dream life or shifting: "Even though I think it sounds impossible that I can wake up with all my desires/shift to my desired reality, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Even though I have so many limiting beliefs from society, doubts that this is real, and people telling me this is ridiculous, I deeply and completely love and forgive myself. Even though I have tried so many methods and keep failing, and I wonder if I'll every be successful, and I feel like something is wrong with me, I deeply and completely love and accept and forgive myself. I'm willing to change the way I look at things. I'm willing to change my mind and my state. I'm willing to let go of the past,"
Take a deep breath, rub your hands together, drink some water.
Phase 2: Venting
Start tapping on the main points in a cycle and continue with the venting.
Void: "I have been trying to enter the void for so long. I haven't had any success. It's just so frustrating. It's just so hard. No matter what I try it doesn't work. Every morning I wake up disappointed that I failed to enter the void again. Why has it been so hard for me? Some people make it look so easy. It's just not fair. What am I doing wrong?"
Manifesting/shifting: "I have been trying to manifest my dream life/shift for so long. I haven't had any success or movement at all. Every morning I wake up in my same old reality and I'm so frustrated. I just want to wake up with all my desires. I'm just sick of this life. Why do some people make it look so easy? I've tried everything and keep failing. What's wrong with me?"
Continue venting for as long as you need. You might want to go through 2-3 (or more) rounds of the negative before you move on.
Phase 3: Bridging
Next I like to start making "bridging" statements. Like you're creating a bridge from your past negative state to your future one, you're gradually guiding yourself to feel better.
Example bridge for any: "I know I've been trying for a long time. But I also know I've had a lot of things to overcome. Yes, my life has been difficult. I know it's not my fault. I know I'm not doing anything wrong. I can't compare my journey to anyone else's. I don't know what they were going through before they had their success. But I do know I am in control of my future. No matter what happened in the past, I'm willing to believe I am in control now. I'm willing to believe that life can be easy for me. I'm open to believing that I can be successful."
You can continue to bridge as long as you need to. If you find your affirmations hard to believe, you can do a few rounds saying them starting with bridging phrases like:
Maybe I can start to believe that ____
I'm willing to believe ____
I am open to the possibility that ____
I can start to accept that ____
I choose to believe ____
Phase 4: Positive Affirmations
Finally, start using your positive affirmations and hyping yourself up.
Void: "It literally doesn't matter what happened in the past, because I am in control now. I was overcomplicating things because of tumblr and putting the void on a pedestal. I don't have to do that anymore. I know the void is real. I also know the void is no big deal. I know I enter the void every night when I sleep. I've entered the void a million times before. I know the void is just myself in my highest form. I know I am in control of the void because I am the creator. I know the void is easy to enter. I know I can enter the void easily no matter what."
Manifesting/shifting: "It literally doesn't matter what happened in the past, because I am in control now. I was overcomplicating things because of tumblr/ShiftTok and putting my desires on a pedestal. I don't have to do that anymore. I know manifesting/shifting is real. I know I am the creator of my reality and I can have anything I want. No desire or reality is more special, bigger or more important than any other. I know I can have whatever I want. I know I can shift/manifest easily. I am a master shifter/manifestor now. It's so easy for me to get all my desires."
Continue with the positive statements for as long as you want. In total the whole thing would probably take 10-20 minutes, but you can always go longer.
When you're done, rub your hands together or "Namaste", thank yourself for doing the work, and drink lots of water!!
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