probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.
we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."
at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.
the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.
the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.
what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.
here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.
51K notes
·
View notes
Honestly, I made that joke about Van’s ancient desktop, but it probably works better than new computers. And it made me think: god, Van must HATE planned obsolescence. Stuff that’s built to die? Stuff that’s built to fall apart in a matter of years just to force you to buy more? For a person whose whole deal is gripping tight to the past, to old technology that still works perfectly fine, to the idea of survival threaded through everything from the stories she tells to the machines she rents out? Yeah, dude. No wonder she hates her cell phone. Not only does it force the illusion of connection without actually granting intimacy, but it’s doomed from the minute you take the thing out of the box. For Van, the very idea has got to be offensive.
59 notes
·
View notes
gonna come up with a better name for her, currently its Gabriel "Gaby" Gatefens but I feel like I could do a better one
her whole concept is being like a gate fence, so she has like vine tattoos and also locks as piercings and stuff. I want her to be very butch and I hope she counts as butch..!
4 notes
·
View notes
My most recent trick for trying to spend less (or, in this case, buy less) is to put like really practical and/or arbitrary rules around things I can't buy in categories I am spending too much on too frequently. For example:
At this point, no buying jewelry whatsoever!!
If the shoes aren't leather, I shan't buy them (I noticed I'm more inclined to wear my leather shoes, so why buy a pair that aren't leather and i'd be less inclined to wear them?). This means I buy like one pair of shoes a year on average now, and each year it has been a different style.
No polyester clothing. This rules out like 70% of the clothing I'd impulse buy without consideration, and it narrows the number of stores I can shop from for clothes to mostly just the discount department store and thrift stores. No acrylic because it fucking feels bad
No makeup unless I'm replacing something from years ago that was like grody to the max or something I've used up. No perfume because I have probably too much.
Does the coat make me feel like a fucking movie star? If not, it does not make it to the checkout with me.
I'm finding this really helps a lot because if I want to impulse buy something I can think, does this follow my rules I made? And if it does I can get it, but then I've pondered it, and often it doesn't and I don't get it. It's really been useful. Because NO i would not actually have a good reason to get that sequin dress I walk past at the mall when I go to one job and NO I would not be able to wear the cute fucking winx club looking blue heeled boots for more than like a half hour at a time and the plastic would probably be fucked in a year so NO they do not come home with me
7 notes
·
View notes
[vent/ only rb if commenting]
having a full mental breakdown because of my shitty horrible family / barn. Romeo stays at my family members barn free of charge- this is because my dad has always helped them build their equestrian center, even before we had Romeo or planned to have Romeo. This free board has been our saving grace during tough financial times (including now) and is why I can “own” a horse in the first place.
But they suck! they schedule farrier and vet visits without asking me or telling me in advance- I get a text the night before if I am lucky. My phone has been on the fritz and not receiving texts. I had no idea the farrier was today. I also have schizophrenia- this is key because between it and ptsd, my memory is HORRIBLE. I have always been forgetful, but at this point I have full memory loss. It also means I am prone to being nocturnal- due to certain symptoms, sleeping is hard for me unless I am like, eyes hurt levels of exhausted. I did not sleep today until 5 am, and as a result, slept through the farrier. Now I have my barn owners (and dad) calling me all morning- are they concerned about me, a known suicidal and severely mentally ill person? no! why would they be! I am instead met with hostility and shaming. This is a historical pattern- “why don’t you have a job????” “why are you working minimum wage and can’t hold down a job? you are too smart to burden your father like that” “excuse me??? we told you to water the flowers why we where out of town!!! if you can’t help us out, maybe Romeo should find somewhere else to live and someone else to live with” (that threat was a long sit down in which my aunt and uncle cornered me and cussed me out for not remembering to water flowers- I have memory loss. I had remembered to, by myself, take care of the four horses we had at the time and carry bales of hay out every day. My family was also doing poorly due to my dads alcoholism- something they encourage, fyi. They knew this fully and where more or less threatening to rehome Romeo on me, over two planters of $60 flowers being wilty. Mind you, they are top 1% of income. This family makes more in a year than my father makes in 10. They make more in a year than I make in 100. I was not doing it out of hostility. It was not about the flowers.). In response to me daring to talk back or defend myself, they go straight to threatening my horse- it has gone so far as for them to threaten to kill both Romeo, my dog, and my other animals, any time I say an opinion they don’t like- be it political, me trying to stand up for myself, me standing up for other family members, or even just like, me being quiet. I’ve had times where I see them doing yard work, and wave to be nice, only for them to come over and tear into me for not working or helping out more or for doing something ‘wrong’ (I recall one time when I was walking Romeo in hand around the arena, and he pulled me over to a weed. I corrected him by holding out treats to get his attention back on me, which worked. I got yelled at for not ‘teaching him a lesson’ and ‘giving him vices’ and ‘ruining [co-owners name] horse’. Because..... I didn’t instantly give him a bruise on his nose for being a horse and wanting to do horse things).
I am equal parts mad at them (and dreaming of the day I can cut ties), but also feeling like the shittiest horse owner alive. I daydream of future horses all the time, but I don’t think I ever will- both financially and because I don’t know if I’m a good pet owner at all.
13 notes
·
View notes
Do you know what its like to be trans?
[Comic description: A comic about being trans. Long descriptions follow.
1. A light-skinned trans woman with shoulder-length brown hair stands at her bathroom sink wearing a T-shirt with a fish on it, draped so that her left shoulder hangs out. The text reads, ‘Let me teach you, what its like to be trans.’ 2. A blister pack of unlabelled pills sits next to this are two prescription bottles, one of Estrodial and one of Spironolactone, the latter of which is on its side with pills spilling out. The text reads, ‘What it’s like to spend years of waiting / For the right people to tick the box to tick the box to say your sick enough to get treatment. / Treatment to be you.’ 3. The woman brushes her teeth while looking at a tablet propped up by the sink. The text reads, ‘Do you know what its like to be a prop for political power? / To know they Dont actually care?’ The word ‘actually’ is underlined. 4. The woman sticks her tongue out in concentration as she works on the clasps of a bra behind her back. The text reads, ‘Do you know what it’s like? Do wait years for your body to change?’ 5. The woman starts shaving her cheeks and chin, which are covered in cream. The text reads, ‘What its like to work (emphasis) so (end emphasis) hard to overcome every toxic gender norm?’ 6. The woman touches her own shoulders with an unhappy expression. The text reads, ‘To take stock at the damage puberty has done?’ 7. A bottle of nail polish lies on its side dripping onto the counter. Polish has been splashed against the wall. The woman’s hands are visible in the sink, with just her right thumbnail painted. The text reads, ‘Do you know what its like? / To paint your nails only to see how disgusting your hands make you feel?’ 8. The woman bends over the sink, with her eyes shut and tears streaming down her face. The text says, ‘What its like, To do your makeup wrong / and see every feature you hate (emphasis) highlighted (end emphasis)?’
9. Fully dressed with a bag on her shoulder, the woman stands in her doorway with the door open and light streaming in. The text reads, ‘Do you Know what Its like to go outside? / When all it takes is one person to think that you are large enough danger to childrens lives to end yours.’ 10. The door is closed. A single point of light streams in from the peep hole and hits the woman’s head. She has one hand on the door and is looking down at the doorknob with a sad expression. Her bag lies on the ground beside her. The text says, ‘It paralyzes you.’
11. Back to the scene in the bathroom, similar to the first panel but mirrored and with a large black X scratched over the woman’s face. The text reads, ‘Do you Know what its like? / To not be seen as a person? / Because that’s what you taught me.’ \End descriptions]
23K notes
·
View notes