#so me and my sister have been doing some painting in our bathroom and what not. which has been fun !!

[changingplumbob]

Foster Household: Chapter 9, Part 9

CW: Mental Health Struggles - Guide to content warnings

Even Sulani was not immune from rain. Carson got out of bed at the cry of his alarm and headed to his bathroom. He liked that there was more space, and it had a nice view even with the downpour, but it didn’t make having to shave before school any easier. When he was clean and dressed and finished breakfast he decided to call his older sister, just to check about sharks.

Carson: I know it’s early but can you please tell me if sharks can break through my floor

Marta: Hola Carson, Keira is in the shower

Carson: Oh, sorry, I didn't even think about you answering her phone

Marta: It’s bueno. She told me on honeymoon sharks are pretty safe. Most attacks are from thinking a human is a fish. They will not break through your floor

Carson: Are you sure

Marta: Si, I promise. She said from underneath surfboards look like seals *laughs* isn’t that cute? But your house will not look like a big seal

Kayleigh had the day off and spent it doing what she loved most, painting! After finishing a particularly excellent painting she got a call from her regular gallery. News around the town was that Kayleigh Foster was now a global superstar! They hoped she would remember them in her future works and they had recommended her for a star of fame in Del Sol Valley! Once she got a call from the council she couldn’t contain her excitement and called around her family to let them know.

Charlie: You’re really going to get a star?

Kayleigh: That’s the rumor. You’ll all come right? I couldn’t have done it without my family. And after maybe everyone can stay for a couple of days, this house has enough room

Charlie: Of course but don’t you want to celebrate like... without your kids

Kayleigh: Your dad suggested a dinner party for my friends tonight which will be nice. He’s going to ring around on his afternoon break

When Carson got home he congratulated his mum and sat down to do his homework where he could talk to her and his eldest sister.

Carson: So everyone will be invited to stay? Even Reece?

Kayleigh: *sighs* You’ll be at school a lot of the time, don’t worry about Reece

Charlie: Besides, he’s less snarky with you when Samir is around. It’s like he tries to be well behaved or something

Carson: Charlie you know he tried convincing me Samir is a werewolf! As if I'd fall for that

Kayleigh: Actually that is true

Charlie: Mum... have you been inhaling the paint fumes for to long?

Kayleigh: No! Samir told me. Your dad and I have discussed it at length. It’s strange but true

Charlie: When were you going to tell us?

Kayleigh: I wasn’t but clearly Reece doesn’t mind you knowing

Carson: Great, another thing he can make fun of me for not knowing

Kayleigh: I know you two fight but he loves you really

Charlie: Have you told him about the OCD yet

Carson: No. Do you think I should?

Kayleigh: It’s always your choice darling

Carson: Maybe. I’ll think about it since he’s willing to open up about Samir

Kayleigh: Do you want to invite some friends over? Me and your dad will be out here with our guests so the living room will be empty

Carson: Yeah I’ll see if the guys and Onyx are free, thanks Mum

Charlie: Mum that picture is gorgeous, is that Ariel? Can I have it? Please please please

Kayleigh: *laughs* Okay firstborn, it’s yours

Charlie: YES

Harvey greeted the guests as they arrived to celebrate his wife. Most of them were from back when they lived in Willow Creek but Kayleigh had also asked him to invite two he’d never met before, Suzanna and Adam Kightstone.

Harvey: Nice to meet you. I’m glad you could make the trip from Chestnut Ridge

Suzanna: Of course! She deserves a celebration

Adam: Oh wow, look at all her art! This is so much more than the gallery pieces

Harvey: Yes if she paints masterpieces she likes to keep them at home

Kayleigh: Food everyone! We’ve made a gorgeous salad for starters

Suzanna: Now remember we’re here for my friend, not to fly off the handle if the food isn’t right

Adam: Alexander is the food critic, I just do art

Suzanna: Adam I’m serious. She’s never judged us for being aliens, it’s important

Adam: Don’t worry starlight, I can keep a level head for a night for you. Let’s go see what humans choose to put in their salads, how many fruits do you think we'll find?

Bob: You must be proud

Harvey: Oh I am! How a fisherman like me managed to catch her I’ve no idea. Anyway we’ll be celebrating your success soon. Bob is a chef see

Adam: Oh yes I’ve read the reviews, everyone seems to love your food. Any plans of opening your own place?

Bob: Eventually but I know Eliza would like me to have a stable well paying job for a while first, especially now we have Tiana. She’s our youngest, we adopted her

Suzanna: I would have loved a girl but we have two boys

Bob: Well just wait until they grow up, Onyx surprised me, and Aaron's Artemisia. You may have a daughter under your roof and just not know it yet

Calista: If Emisia ever crosses a line just tell us and we’ll talk to her about her manners

Kayleigh: From what I can tell Carson isn’t too bothered by her. He was a bit stressed after prom but I think he has girl on the brain for now

Aaron: It’s a relief there’s some kids that are unbothered

Eliza: Fergus is also unbothered worse luck

Aaron: I know you think Emisia is a bad influence but-

Eliza: Oh they have always been thick as thieves. I don’t think I could pry their friendship apart with a crowbar. It helps that she has a lawyer for a dad though, hopefully that'll stop them getting up to anything illegal

Previous ... Next

[the-girl-who-cried-wolf]

I think if you were the moon I'd be the sun. That's probably why we're too far away.

I haven't listened to this song but it showed up on pinterest and I thought of you!

Also how was your day 🤍🤍🤍

mais!! hello!! these lyrics are so lovely, thank u for sharing 🥺 the sun and moon dynamic really is one of those things that i can never get tired of <33

[wifeofnatasharomanoff]

Cookie Jar

Warnings: g!p Nat, oral (Nat receiving), Fingering (r receiving), soft!dom Nat

Words: 1,753

A/N: Hi my darlings! Wrote this little thing, felt like writing some fluffy smut, hope you like it!

(Also Alex's dialog isn't a typo, he's like 3 and can't talk properly, set a bit after AOU)

Don't forget to drink water, sleep and eat well my loves! <3

You woke up to the sunlight, blinding your eyes in the early morning. Your wife's muscular arms wrapped tightly around your body. You groan, tossing and turning as you try to get out of her hold. “Where do you think you're going detka?” she mumbles out, whispering into your ear.

You smile, “Natty the kids are gonna be up soon..” she places a light kiss on your neck, “It won't take too long baby.” you sigh, “You're lucky I love you.” you say, sliding your hand in between both of your bodies.

Slipping a hand into her boxers, you grasp onto her hardened cock. “Fuck—” you smile, moving your body down to her crotch. You look up at her from your position, lazily jerking her off. “Mmh.. kotenok you're doing so– so good, fucking hell!”

Her hips bucked up as you run your palms up and down her dick, “'m gonna fucking cum all over that pretty face of yours detka..” she lets out a moan, when you rub her tip with your thumb.

Not too soon after, thick ropes of cum shoots up, painting your face. “Natasha— I have to go clean up now.. thanks a lot.” she chuckles, looking at your messed up face, “You're welcome moya lyubov, happy anniversary.” she winks, you roll your eyes.

You get up from the bed, making your way to the bathroom when, “Mommyyy! Mama!!” a knock on your door from your eldest. You whisper out a swear, “Yeah sweetie! Yup– mommy will be right out.” you yell out, glaring at your wife when you hear her snicker.

You get out of the bedroom, widening your eyes in shock, “Alex! Why did you put— How did you put your little sister on top of the counter, I told you that she'd get hurt Alex.” you scold the toddler, picking up the baby.

“Sowwy mommy..” he looks down at the floor, sadly. Natasha walks into the kitchen, “Y/N, have you been yelling at our son?” she ruffles his hair, and he lets out a little laugh.

You huff, “He put Aliana on top of the counter again.” the red-head glances at the baby, back to your son. “You did what?” he cackles, running off to the living room.

“Alex! I– whatever. Nat he got this from you.” you say, adjusting the baby to your hip. “What? I never did that with Yelena when we were kids.. I think.” you laugh softly, kissing the corner of her mouth. “What do you want for breakfast Tasha?” she looks at you, “I can make it.” you scoff, walking to the pantry. “You are gonna burn the house down, but help is appreciated.”

“Mama, I want a peanut butter samwich.” she turns to face the little boy, “Babe, Alex wants a peanut butter sandwich!” you get out the peanut butter, “Got it.”

After breakfast the 4 of you sit in the living room, “Mommy look I drew bord!” you take the paper and look at the deformed bird drawn on it, “Yeah, buddy I can tell. It's– great.” he flashes a big smile, kissing your cheek, then runs off to the table.

The baby sleeping on your lap stirs, “Detka you need me to hold her?” you shake your head, “No it's fine darling.” you rock Aliana in your arms, attempting to get her back to sleep.

Natasha leans over, whispering in your ear, “You want a 3rd one?” you blink, looking up at your wife. “I—” she chuckles, placing her lips against yours, kissing you slowly. You break the kiss, “Can you go uhm..” you spoke, breathlessly, “Check the oven? Call me if the cookies are done, okay?”

She gives an exaggerated whine, “You want me gone so quickly?” you roll your eyes, “Romanoff, just go do what I told you to.”

“That's not what you said last night.” she gets up from the couch and walks off to the kitchen. “They're done!” you hear from outside the living room. “Okay!”

You take the sleeping baby out of your arms and slowly place her down on the couch, then get up and make your way into the kitchen. You feel a pair of arms wrap around your waist, causing you to let out a light giggle. She plants light, feathery kisses on your neck, “Nat— we.. are in the kitchen.” she presses her body against yours.

“Natasha Romanoff.” she lets go of you, raising her hands up in surrender, “You have no idea what I'm gonna do as soon as I get my hands on you detka.” you smile, taking the cookies out of the oven. “Oh I have a bit of an idea my love.”

She turns around, and gives you a smack on the ass. “Natasha!” she laughs, “What? I didn't do anything.”

Your eldest kid walked in the kitchen, “Mama hit mommy.” you gasp dramatically and widen your eyes, “How dare mama hit me?” Alex huffs, crossing his arms, “Say sowwy to mommy.” your wife smiles, giving a fake apology then whispers into your ear, “I don't regret it though.” she pulls back and winks at you.

A blush forms on your face, “Mommy your face is red!” he points at you before running of to god knows where, “And why's that?” Natasha pretends to not know why, “It's just, there's a fly in here and it's really, really annoying me.” Natasha gasps, “Did you just call me a fly?”

You smile innocently, placing the cookies in the jar. Natasha takes out her phone, “Y/N look!” you hum in response, looking over at her screen. “Ugh, Laura's so lucky, when Alex was a baby he was chubby like that.” Natasha raises a brow and looks over at you, “What?” she shakes her head, “Nothing.”

You nod, closing the cookie jar, “Remind me to make sure someone can watch the kids for our anniversary next year.” you say, walking over to peck her on the lips. “Yeah, we should've done that beforehand.” she says, pulling you in by the waist.

“Mhm..?” you get on your toes, pressing your lips against hers, letting out a slight moan as you feel her tounge slip into your mouth. “Mmph—” you break the kiss, over hearing a cry in the distance. “Duty calls.” you say, clearly out of breath.

After dinner, you and Natasha put the kids to bed and go back into your share bedroom. You sigh, and slip off your dress, noticing her eyes on you. “Come to bed baby.” you turn to look at her, “Yeah.” you unclasp your bra, sliding it off your shoulders.

You sit down next to her in bed, she pulls you onto her lap. “You're so perfect kotenok..” she places a kiss on between your uncovered breasts, sending a shiver down your spine.

She brings a hand between your thighs, rubbing your cloth covered clit, you whimper as you desperately grind against her fingers. “Tasha stop t-teasing I–” she smirks, sliding your panties to the side. She slightly widens her eyes, looking down at your dripping slit. “Is this all for me baby?” you whine, nodding vigorously.

She runs her fingers through your glistening folds, your hips buck forward, you moan softly. “D-daddy please f—” she pinches your nipple, causing you to yelp. “Use your words detka.” you let out a breathy moan, “Fuck me please 'need you in me.” she kisses your jaw, “Whatever you say princess.”

She discards her boxers, her hardened cock springs out, her pre-cum leaking from the tip. “Nata—” she covers your mouth when she slides her dick inside of you. You let out a muffled scream, completely breaking apart as she stuffs you up, inch by inch.

“Fuck baby you're taking daddy in so well..” you moan, pushing in more of her length. She feels your walls clench around her, “Mm.. daddy you're so big.” she grunts, grabbing onto your hips to thrust harder into you.

Your whimpers and moans like music to her ears, she pulls you in for a rough, slow kiss. You gasp softly, locking your lips with hers. “Mmh.. Natasha–” she squeezes your ass, making you emit a throaty moan as her dick rubs against your g-spot. “Oh—”

She grips onto your hips, slamming her cock deeper into you. “Taking me in so well baby.” she leans over and whispers. “Are you close?” you nod, unable to respond in words. “Cum all over my cock like a good little whore.”

You dig your nails into her shoulders, moaning loudly, as you came onto her dick. “You're doing so well detka..” she praises, whispering into your ear as she runs her hands up and down your back. “Natasha..” she looks down at you, “Mhm?”

You press a light kiss to her neck, “You want me to clean you up darling?” she softly smiles, “If you want to.” you nod, she kisses your cheek, and slowly pulls out.

You lower yourself onto her, wrapping your lips around her tip. She lets out a shaky breath, bringing her hand to grip onto your hair. You take more of her dick inside of your mouth, coating it with your saliva. She takes her hand, pushing herself into you. “Oh fuck baby..” she lets of a soft moan as you run your tounge over her veins, you feel her dick twitch inside of your mouth.

You suck harder, bobbing your head up and down her length, looking up at her with wide eyes. “Y/N..” she whimpers out, “Fuck– kotenok 'm gonna cum, swallow it like a good girl.” she says, before filling your throat up with her warm juices. You swallow it down, you pull her cock out of your mouth.

She smirks, grabbing your jaw to look at your fucked out face, her cum dripping out the corners of your mouth. “Are you okay moya lyubov?” you smile, nodding your head, “Mhm!” she wipes off your mouth, looking down at you. “Happy anniversary Tasha..” you say, moving upwards to pull her into a slow, passionate kiss.

She smiles into the kiss, pulling you closer to her. “Happy anniversary.” she pants out, “Maybe next anniversary.. we could have a 3rd mini Romanoff in our family.” you laugh, kissing her cheek. “Natasha– you're being serious?” she nods slowly, nervously smiling.

You kiss her softly, “Natasha I– yes I would love to have another mini Romanoff.” you look up at her, she holds onto you tightly, “Let's pick out names.” she says. “Nat I'm not even pregnant yet, you weirdo.” she chuckles, kissing your neck. “Yet.” you smile, “I love you Natty.” she puts her head in the crook of your neck, “I love you most Y/NN.”

You groan when you both hear a loud shatter in the direction to the kitchen, before yelling, “Alex!”

[shelbgrey]

Stitches(Derek Shepherd x reader)

Paring: Derek Shepherd x reader

Summary: after wanting to do something nice for your boyfriend Derek something goes wrong

Requested: @virtualreader

A/n: not one of my best works but I hope you like it.

Greys MasterList.

It was one of those rare acation that I had the day off. When your a doctor that's rare what was even rarer was I had the day off and Derek didn't.

Derek had been pretty stressed lately, him and my sister Meredith were starting a clinical trial and it wasn't going as planned. Not knowing how his day would go I thought he deserved something special. So I got the bright  idea to cook a nice dinner and we could just stay in for the night.

I know it's a running joke at the hospital that doctors can't or have time to cook. I'm one of the rare ones in our group that can. When we have gatherings I'm the one to cook if we don't get take out.

Anyway, I turned on some music, Elvis Presley to be exact and serched the kitchen for some kinda idea of what to cook, luckily I went grocery shopping at the beginning of the week so our kitchen was packed. After a bit of serching I decided on a pasta recipe that was one of his favorites.

Now usually I'd make the noodles from scratch but I didn't know how much time I had before Derek got home. Everything was going smoothly for the most part, the noodles were cooking and so was suase. While everything else was going I opened the cabinet to look for some spices. My phone rang before I could grab anything. I left the open cabinet and picked up the phone.

“hello?”

“hay, sweetheart” Derek said in a tired voice.

“what's up Doc?” I said softly.

On the other end he chuckled a bit. “I'm no my way home” my eyes widened and I looked over at the stove. Dinner wasn't even half way ready and he was in his way home.

“like... Right now?” I said kinda worried.

“yeah, got off early... You okay?” he asked kinda worried by my tone.

“oh I'm fine... See ya when you get home. Love you” I quickly said before hanging up. I rushed back to the stove and knelt down to the bottom cabinets that was next to the stove to get another pot. I quickly stood up and..

Smack!

The top of my forehead colied with top cabinet door I left oven and fell on my but in pain. As soon as my hand made contact with the wond it jerked back in pain. I looked at my finger and start to shake at the red liquid that painted my fingers.

“crap” I let out a shaky breath and slowly stood up. I grabbed a clean wash rag and ran to the bathroom. I immediately regretted looking in the mirror because the sight was horrid. I don't mind blood but I hated when I see my body leaking with it.

Pretty pathetic a doctor afraid of her own blood. I covered the cut back up applying presher. I tried to calm down and I did succeeded to some digrea but my heart rate picked up when I heard the front door open.

“y/n?” I hear Derek's voice shout. My eyes widened as I heard his foot steeps get closer and closer to our shared bathroom.

“what the hell happened?” I stood still like a deer in a pair of head lights. He eyed the now red rag and approached me in doctor mode.

“nothing I'm fine.. It's just a scratch” I said swating his hand with my free one. “It looks like more than just a scratch” he protest.

I backed away again and he gave me a look that made me sigh in defeat. “fine... Your the brain doctor after all” I said lefting the rag up.

He sighed and gently lifted me up on the counter and carefully moved my hair out of the way. He quickly discarded the bloody rag and got the first aid kit we kept under the sink.

After looking at the cut for a bit he opened the kit. “your gonna need stitches” I rolled my eyes. “Derek I'm fine”

After some back and forth I let him take care of it. He handed me with care as I silently staired at the scrubs he wore home. He never did which made me realize he was in a hurry to get home. I felt bad knowing that he was probably exhausted.

I winced a bit once the needle made contact with my skin. “I'm sorry” I mumbled. “I know this isn't exactly what you wanted to come home to”

Not moving my head I looked up at him. He smiled softly and put the needle down. He gently lifted my chin up and placed a soft kiss on my lips. “it's fine, I like taking care of you”

I smiled softly as he put a bandge on my head. He placed another kiss on my forehead and let out an airy chuckel. “your so accident prone”

I chuckled and slightly shook my head. “I am not” I smiled and wrapped my arms around her neck. “yes you are, how did you even reach it?” he said playfully making fun of my Hight.

I playfully slapped his chest. “how was your day?” I asked softly. He shrugged and placed his hands on my waist. “well it's good now” he softly pecked my lips.

“I was gonna cook you dinner but it's probably gone to waist” I sighed and gave him a frown.

He moved a stray piece of hair behind my ear. “it's okay... We can just get Chinese take out and watch a movie”

I grined up at him. “can we watch Elvis?” I smiled and playfully rolled his eyes. “sure” he was about to walk away but I grabbed his sleeve and pulled him back. I did grabie hands. “I'm injured”

He laughed and snaked his arms under my knees and picked me up bridel style. He carried me to the living room and I turned on the movie while he ordered our dinner.

The rest of the night consistent of cuddles and talks about what I missed at the hospital. I cuddled ferther into his chest. “I love you”

“I love you too”

[samcatcher]

When in London.

chapter 4. masterpost

“Do you have any siblings?” Sam asked me as we walked out of the house and onto the quiet street.

“Yeah, just one. I have an older brother called Michael. He lives in central Paris.” I replied.

“That’s cool. Your house must have been quiet growing up. I have 3 siblings who are all musically inclined. You probably remember.” Sam added and laughed a little.

“I remember your brother who used to work at the market, that’s all. I thought he was your only sibling. I thought it weird how some days he would be kinda quiet and some days he would be loud. It was like he was two different people.” I said.

Sam started laughing.

“He was two people. My brother jake. They’re identical twins.” He said through laughter.

“What? No way. So is the twin in the band? Is that the brothers you were referring to sharing a hotel room with?” I asked fast, shocked.

“Yes. Now I hope you see why I wanted to avoid that at all costs.” Sam smirked.

“I do see that now. Who’s the other sibling then?” I laughed and then phrased my question.

“My older sister Ronnie. She’s cool but she’s not too interested in the band.” Sam stated.

“So you’re the baby?” I asked, trying not to tease because I knew I was too.

“Just like you.” Sam added in the same tone.

A bus later, we ended up at the nearest hardware store. Sam pushed the cart and I followed him to the wall of paint samples and build your own buckets.

He seemed uninterested at first but once I stared at him despairing, his poker face dropped and he turned into his passionate decorator mode. Immediately scanning the wall and picking out samples I can narrow down to one color.

He eventually held about ten samples of different colors. All giving off a different vibe from each other. My eyes were set on this beautiful orangey peach color. 

“See the greens are good if you want some sort of nature themed room. Living in London probably isn’t as naturistic as Michigan so you might wanna get back to home. Although these pink colors work really well with plants. So either way I guess you're turning your room into somewhat of a forest. If that’s what you were going for anyway.” Sam explained passionately. I made sure I took in every word.

“I do have a lot of plants.” I said smiling, I picked up the peachy sample from his hand and looked at it one more time.

“What do you think?” I added.

“I think it’s absolutely perfect.” Sam answered.

Somewhat impulsively, I decided to get two cans of the peachy color my eyes were set on from the get go. I found it immensely summery and perfect compared to the dark green leaves on all of my house plants.

We got various paintbrushes and rollers too. I also got a small can of plain white because all of my furniture was that color and Sam told me he had a trick to patch up white furniture that's been stained or chipped. 

We called a cab back to the house, Sam insisted on paying for it, I let him. 

We struggled to take everything up the stairs, Danny and Amelia weren't there so we just assumed they had gone to do something in London together as a family.

Sam helped me put a giant tarp down onto the hardwood floor, we taped it extra carefully to the floor and baseboard, so that we were sure not to get any paint on the ground. We put tape on the top of the white baseboard also, and over the plugs and light switches. Taking extra precautions.

Once everything was protected, Sam brought in all of the supplies and opened the first can of paint. We stared in awe at the beautiful orangey pink color. And I imagined how it would look on my currently white walls. I was filled with excitement, a massive smile crept on both of our faces.

I lent Sam an oversized white t-shirt. He didn’t have any spear shorts but he didn’t mind. He said he had better pairs at home anyway. He went to the bathroom to change.

Suddenly my phone started to ring, obviously it was Jean.

I was quick and blunt with the conversation, I didn't feel bad because I had the excuse that I was about to paint, I didn't tell him that I was painting with Sam though because it would just cause problems. Jean has always been jealous, so I knew that if I was talking to another guy while he was in an entirely different country, it wouldn't sit well with him.

After a quick 'I love you bye' I put the phone down and put it on to not disturb it. I didn't need any more distractions from him.

Sam came in about 3 minutes later. His hair was pulled into a tight messy bun, the shirt I lent him was oversized on him just as much as me, you could barely see the shorts. He noticed this and tucked one corner of the shirt into his shorts to make it look less large.

“let's get to work then, are you sure about this?” he asked and raised an eyebrow. 

Then he smiled suddenly as I nodded. He started on the wall with the window on it. Carefully dragging his paintbrush along the seam of the window, so that it didn't graze the windowsills and window frame. Watching him do it was mesmerizing, he was so precise with his hands.

I chose the wall which held my own door to the balcony, I did what Sam did and carefully made my way along the edge of the doorframe. About five minutes of painting went on, and suddenly Sam stopped, looked at me and shook his head. Then he walked out of my room.

Then 2 minutes later he walked in with a Bluetooth speaker he must have brought with him.

“There's no way we can paint without music, Lyla.”

It tingled in my lips as he said my name.

I laughed and let him choose what to play, he didn't even ask for my opinion on what he should put on, he said he wanted to play something he knew I would like.

Joni Mitchell's Blue.

I loved that album, I pretended that I just liked it, he seemed like the 'I told you so' type so I didn't want him to get too cocky on his assumption.

The songs played and we sang along while we covered my walls in the peachy shade. The more the walls were covered the brighter and more me the room felt. Sam's wall was halfway done after the album finished, and mine was about a quarter.

As soon as it finished he went back over to his phone, and without 10 seconds to spare he hit play on Don McLean's American Pie, god Sam had taste.

Halfway through the first and iconic song on the album he stopped painting and started to sing and approach me. Then he took my hand in his and spun me around, we shitty danced for about a minute. Finally, I giggled and said;

“Come on, we have to finish painting! You have a show soon.”

He grunted and looked up at the ceiling.

“As soon as that show is over, I'm coming right back up here. We're finishing this tonight!”

I laughed and shot him a 'sure we will' look. Then he smirked and went back to painting his section of the wall.

About 2 hours had gone by, Sam's wall was completely finished and he had approached the wall next to it, the wall in which my bed would be against.  My wall was just about finished too, so I moved onto the wall that housed my bedroom door.

After American Pie he chose the classic Hunky Dory by David Bowie. This one was one of my all time favorites. Especially when I had just got to France, I listened on repeat. I vocalized how much I loved this album, and he smiled so genuinely, then wiggled his eyebrows.

“You seem the type.” He said as he focused on his wall.

I smiled.

This time I initiated the dancing, and he didn't resist, he grabbed my hands immediately and spun us around, while we sang to the chorus of 'Oh! You pretty things.' And in a fit of laughter, I collapsed against the wall behind me, which was covered in wet paint.

“Oh shit!” I said, trying to get a good look at my back, Sam laughing next to me.

“It looks quite cool actually, I don't think you should keep wearing that though, you might spread that peachy infection around the house.” He laughed.

I groaned and looked through my suitcase that I had moved into the kitchen. I found a shirt that I had taken from Jean's closet and put it on, leaving the messed up shirt in a carrier bag next to my suitcase.

I walked back into my room to find Sam still painting, and I felt bad because he needed to be at the pub in half an hour.

“Hey Sam…” I leaned against the doorframe, he turned around quickly

“Didn't you say you needed to be at the pub by 4?”

Immediately he checked his watch and saw it was 3:31, then he began to frown. He took a step back and took in what we had done already, then he said

“I'll be back... tonight. Don't you dare go to sleep before I come back.”

I laughed and shook my head, then he grazed my arm lightly and looked at me to tell me he genuinely meant it. Then he trailed out of my room and I heard him go downstairs.

I decided to paint for about 20 minutes longer, but without Sam in the room with me it was just boring. There was only a quarter left to do. 2 walls were completed and the other two walls were halfway done. So I decided I'd do what Sam said and not paint anymore until he's back from his show.

I made sure the paint in the paint tray was used, and then I cleaned the paintbrushes and rollers in the bathtub with paint thinner, making sure that it didn't dry on the brushes and deem them unusable.

Sam left at 3:45, stressing he wouldn't get there in time. He had been gone for about an hour so I assumed everything was fine. I didn't get his number or anything so there wasn't a way for me to ask right now.

I decided to order myself some food, as a celebration for the day and for the work Sam and I had gotten done. I got him a carbonara but I didn't know if he'd want it, so I put it in the fridge for anyone to eat. Amelia didn't come back, so I assumed she went to watch her brother play.

I was hoping Sam would invite me to come and watch, but I think he was hoping I'd ask, so the subject just got dropped.

I spoke to Jean for a while and changed into some pajamas. I went down into the living room because my room smelled strongly of paint.

At around 10:30 I started getting tired, but Sam's words were circling in my mind. I watched a few movies I had loved since I was a teenager, the sofa was still in its bed form, so I decided to get cozy in there. Since Sam and Danny were gonna come home late and probably wouldn't want to have to set up the sofa bed.

It was funny, we only had one sofa bed but two sofas, so Amelia and I heard Danny and Sam arguing about who gets the bed and who gets the sofa. Eventually, Sam told me, they settled on taking turns, and it was Sam's turn for the bed tonight.

I felt myself drifting off but tried my best to stay awake so I could finish painting my room with him, but I just couldn't fight the sleep that was bubbling up inside. Eventually I gave in. Not realizing where I was falling asleep.

-

I woke up to the blinding sun. I was confused about where I was, all I could smell was the aroma of deodorant and paint, and I could feel a warmth against my back.

I sat up and looked down at a sleeping Sam next to me. Facing away from me, but he was taking up almost all of the bed. Paint was on his hands and arms, and a small bit on his face. He was completely out of it. The gig must have made him so tired. Danny wasn't there on the other sofa, the only people in the room were me and Sam.

Suddenly, the tiredness in my mind changed to everlasting guilt.

I reached to find my phone but it wasn't anywhere near me. I needed to see if Jean had texted me, and I needed to act normal. He doesn't know I just shared a bed with a man I met 2 nights ago.

I realized it was upstairs in my unfinished room still, so I gently crawled out of bed. I didn't need to be gentle though, Sam was so out of it.

I walked up the stairs and into my room. Which wasn't unfinished at all.

The tape was removed, the tarp was gone, and every wall was painted. It wasn't patchy or rushed, it was perfect, it looked like a second or possibly third coat had been applied to the walls as well. Sam wasn't lying when he said that it needed to be done tonight.

I snapped out of the trance that the walls had put me into, and grabbed my phone from the middle of the room. I quickly unlocked it and rang Jean straight away.

I made my way to the balcony, because my room still smells like paint, and the walls were still wet. It was 11 am though, so I wondered why the paint was so fresh smelling.

Jean and I spoke for a while about how we slept. We planned what we were going to do when he got to London. After about 15 minutes we ran out of things to talk about, so I put the phone down and just appreciated the morning breeze.

About 5 minutes of staring into the sky, Amelia texted me

“Hey Lyla, I completely forgot to tell you, Danny and I are at our cousin's, we went there straight after the gig, we should be home by dinner time!”

That explains why the house was so empty.

I pondered for what felt like hours about sharing the bed with Sam. I knew I shouldn't be guilty because I didn't feel him getting in the bed with me, and I didn't intend for him to. But I realized it was kind of my fault for falling asleep in the place that I knew he would end up sleeping in. He literally told me it was his turn on the sofa bed that night.

I then wondered, why did he? He could have woken me up?

Then it hit me. He could have slept on the other sofa. He chose to get in that bed with me.

I put my hands over my face and then ran my fingers through my hair. Wondering why he would do this.

About 30 seconds after my realization that there was absolutely no reason for him to have gotten into bed with me willingly, my thoughts were interrupted by my stomach.

I walked into the kitchen and decided to make a full English fry up for me and Sam. Especially for Sam, to say thank you to him for finishing my room while I was sound asleep. In his bed.

I guess the smell woke him up. Because when I was just about to plate up the breakfasts, I saw him sheepishly walking up the stairs, rubbing his eyes and yawning, he went into the bathroom without acknowledging me, then came out 5 minutes later, face washed, hair up, but still in paint stained pajamas.

He came up behind me and looked at the breakfasts on the plate. Mouth wide open.

“Oh my god, what is this?” He was shocked, someone had never seen a fry up before.

“It's about the only thing I can cook.- I laughed -Here, the plates, we can eat it on the balcony it's warm out there.”

We both walked out to the balcony, Sam holding the plates and me holding two glasses of orange juice. Then Sam went back inside and came out with a chair from the kitchen.

We both sleepily ate our food in our pajamas. Sam kept closing his eyes and shaking his head to tell me it was good.

I decided not to bring up the bed thing. He was probably just tired and would rather have slept on a bed than on a couch, and he probably didn't even notice I was there. I was under the covers to the far left, and he was on the right.

We both finished at almost exactly the same time.

“Thank you by the way, I didn't expect you to finish my room without me there, it was shocking going up there this morning and seeing it so perfect.” I laughed and tilted my head to smile. Like I was posing for a photo.

Sam blushed slightly and shook his head. “It was nothing really... I wanted it to be finished for you when your furniture comes.”

I nodded and put my legs up on the small table in front of me, Sam did the same, our feet were touching slightly.

“Do you wanna come to the pub we're playing at tonight?” Sam said after some moments. He looked at me nervously.

“Yes of course I would.” I said affirmatively, smirking at him.

We sat in a comfortable silence for 20 minutes after that. I was happy that he had invited me. I would never have invited myself.

Then he excused himself to go and get dressed.

Eventually he came back out onto the balcony wearing a thin white sweatshirt and a pair of black cotton shorts. And we started the day staring at the sky together.

chapter 5

[i-fondued]

Ghost | Sinners in Secret - Chapter 13

Chapter 13 - The Clubbing Incident

Pairing: Cardinal Copia x Reader/Sister of Sin x Papa “Terzo” Emeritus III

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Plot, smut, etc. See AO3 for full list of tags!

A/N: Here is the next chapter! I'd like to add I've never been clubbing before and what I know of it is what you see in movies. Also here is the offical playlist for this chapter, I forgot to add that LOL

Chapter One - HERE

Chapter Two - HERE

Chapter Three - HERE

Chapter Four - HERE

Chapter Five - HERE

Chapter Six - HERE

Chapter Seven - HERE

Chapter Eight - HERE

Chapter Nine - HERE

Chapter Ten - HERE

Chapter Eleven - HERE

Chapter Eleven and ½ - HERE

Chapter Twelve - HERE

AO3 - HERE

The clock on the mantle over the fireplace chimed eleven times, signaling the hour, but I was too excited to even notice how late it already was. 

After a private dinner in our rooms, which had been the suggestion of Saltarian who stated Veritas was still fuming from earlier, we had begun to get ready for our night on the town. Terzo had taken over entirely and what had originally been planned to be just a quiet dinner in the city with a little night time sightseeing had morphed into clubbing well into the morning hours. This also meant Terzo had sent out a ghoul to do all the shopping he thought of since neither Copia or I had packed anything appropriate for clubbing. 

“Amore, you better hurry up.” Terzo called from the bedroom as I dressed in the bathroom. He’d wanted me to surprise me with their outfits and Copia with mine. “We need to pianificare la nostra fuga and soon!”

“Okay, okay!” I laughed, heart thrumming at the excitement of our plans. I took in my outfit and couldn’t help but hum appreciatively at the choice Terzo had made. It was so far out of my comfort zone but even i had to admit that I looked good, blush staining my cheeks.

I was wearing an incredibly short black latex dress, so tight to my curves it looked almost painted on. It had a mandarin collar with a keyhole over my chest to show off the ample cleavage the skin tight latex caused. Hanging from the collar and settling in the center of the keyhole was a silver grucifix. I wore thigh high latex boots, the heels just high enough to show off my legs but not enough that I would break my ankle. I wore the same long, dangly grucifix earrings I’d worn the other night but left all other jewelry off. I’d pulled my hair back into a slicked back ponytail and did my make-up for once. I kept my lipstick a deep red and my eyes smokey with a dramatic winged liner. 

My white iris still threw me off and I had to keep pausing when my reflection would startle me. The three of us hadn’t spoken about it, content to just soak in our small victory but Copia and Terzo had reminded me a few times that we would eventually have to talk about it. 

“Alright, I’m ready…let's get to sneaking.” I giggled, stepping back into our rooms as I smiled sheepishly before my eyes focused on the two men waiting for me. 

Terzo was standing in front of the fireplace, back towards Copia who was sitting in the wingback chair from the other evening. He was leaning slightly on the mantle and my mouth went a little dry looking at them both. 

Terzo was wearing a black sheer dress shirt, billowy lantern sleeves that came tightly to his wrists. I could see his chest hair, dark and thick, as it traveled from his chest down his stomach and past his navel where it disappeared behind his trousers. The front had some pleating details and at the collar was a large pussy bow. He wore high waisted trousers with a thick leather belt and they were made of some sort of silky material that was loose through his hips and thighs but started to tighten to his calves towards the bottom before they were tucked tightly into a pair of black boots. He was wearing black silk gloves and he’d kept on his Papal paints, hair slightly ruffled but not in his face beyond a strand or two. Again he wore his black diamond stud and grucifix earring as well, him and I matching without thinking.

“Ah, Amore. Hai un aspetto fantastico, Tesoro.” Terzo crooned as he came over to press a soft kiss to my temple. “How about il Cardinale, eh? He cleans up well, no?”

Slowly I turned my gaze to the other man in the room and my cheeks flushed at the sight of him. Copia’s eyes locked with mine, the heat clear in them, as he stood. Copia had been dressed in what I’m sure would look simple in comparison to Terzo and I but fit his personality far better that anything else, I had to give terzo credit there. Copia wore a black dress shirt, the first few buttons undone to expose his chest and his chest hair. He wore dark trousers that were just as tight as his formal trousers from the night before, dark leather belt with a small silver chain connected from the first belt loop to the one closer to his hip. He also wore a leather harness around his shoulders that connected together between his shoulder blades. 

I’d be lying if I said my mouth wasn’t watering at the thought of these two men. Copia’s knowing smirk made my thighs clench and I tried to think of a good excuse to use to convince them to stay here and fuck me till the sun came up. 

“Hai un aspetto incantevole, Topolino.” Copia purred as he took my hand and kissed my knuckles, his mustache ticking my over sensitive skin.

“Come on, you two. We need to sneak out of here, pronto!” Terzo chuckled, taking my free hand and tugging us along. 

The man was like an over excited toddler sometimes and I couldn’t help but smile brightly at him as he tugged me to the French doors leading into the hallways. 

Quietly as we could, which wasn’t saying much since we were all dressed like we were going to a goth vampire rave, we made our way from the dormitories to the main building and towards the side entrance where Terzo had said there was a ghoul waiting to drive us into the city, that way nobody had to worry about getting us back from the club. 

“Come, we have to hurry.” Terzo teased but Copia’s hand shot out and snagged both of us, pulling us back around the corner as the sounds of someone heading up the hallway became clearer. 

Realistically all three of us were, or in my case were becoming, senior clergy. We could come and go as we pleased. But part of me knew that we had a few folks who would go to great lengths to get us in trouble, even if it was something as silly as sneaking out of the monastery and without a papal guard with us for Papa. Especially after the last time he was here and caused a huge mess at the Vatican. 

I peaked as subtly as I could around the corner and had to hold in the groan of who was heading in direction. Cardinal Veritas apparently had taken the night patrol for the dormitories, Sister Caterina walking with him as they spoke softly. I couldn’t hear them but judging by their faces we didn’t want to get caught out at almost midnight. Veritas looked like he was sucking on a lemon and Caterina looked like she was about to cry. Suddenly they paused and I could just barely make out what they were saying. 

“I understand your frustrations, Brother, but is it not enough what we have now?” Caterina sighed, ringing her hands slightly. “We’ve lost the battle, they will be bound and there isn’t anything either of us can do.”

“It is my birthright, sorellina, you may be willing to step aside and lose Terzo but I am not willing to put aside what should have rightfully been mine.” Veritas hissed, rounding his fury on his sister who jumped slightly at his outburst. 

“I-I didn’t want to lose him,” She mumbled as they walked towards the hallway opposite where we were hidden. “Our goals, our dreams…they were not the same. Funny how that changed when he found his Prime Mover .” She sneered at my title, I rolled my eyes. I almost felt bad for her…almost. 

“We will make them see, mark my words Sister.” Veritas said ominously before they were out of sight and too far away to hear what they were saying. 

We waited a few minutes, I was processing what we’d overheard, before Terzo started to tug me along again. Copia was hot on our heels. 

“Come, Tesoro. Do not let them distract you from our celebrazioni, si?” He chuckled, tucking his arm around my waist as we stepped out into the side entrance where a black SUV with tinted windows sat waiting for us. 

“Papa is right, Stellina.” Copia purred in my ear as Terzo opened the car door for me. “Tonight is about us, celebrating us.”

…

After a surprisingly quick drive where I was glued to the window, taking in as much as I could in the inky black darkness of the night, we pulled up out front of a very old stone church. I could see the line of goths and punks wrapping around the building behind the ropes, all of them dressed in various outfits similar to what we were wearing. Copia had stepped out of the SUV first, turning and offering his hand to me. I smiled and thanked him, pressing a little kiss to his cheek as I stepped out of the way for Terzo. 

Once he stepped out it was like someone woke all the people in line up, all of them suddenly shouting for Terzo. I stepped closer to Copia out of instinct before taking both their arms. This was going to be my future, I couldn’t keep shying away from it. As we walked up to the bouncer, Terzo worked the crowd with his cheeky smiles and spoke fluent italian. 

“Ah buonasera Papa, Cardinale!” The bouncer greeted us, massive smile on his face. “Sono passati parecchi anni dall'ultima volta che vi ho visto qui.” It has been several years since I last saw you here

“Marcos, divertente vederti qui, non pensavo che avresti ancora lavorato qui. Pensavo che alla tua ragazza non piacesse questo posto?” Funny to see you here, I didn't think you would still be working here. I thought your girlfriend didn't like this place? Copia greeted him with a handshake and a genuine smile. “Siamo in città per affari ufficiali del clero, ma Terzo ha deciso che dovevamo festeggiare.” We are in town on official Clergy business, but Terzo decided we needed to celebrate

“Non lasciare che ti trattenga, entra. Sono sicuro che il manager sarà felice di vedere che i suoi clienti preferiti sono tornati!” Don't let me hold you up, come in. I'm sure the manager will be happy to see her favorite clients have come again! The bouncer laughed, holding the door open for the three of us. Terzo followed behind Copia and I while blowing kisses to the crowd outside. 

I gasped at the interior of the space, clearly once an old church had been given a second life now. The feeling was dark and seedy, the pulsing beat reverberating in my chest as the strobe lights flashed and the red glow of the overhead lights tinted the people around us, the back wall where the altar used to be was now a massive DJ stage, the stain glass windows illuminated from outside causing the stage to have a sort of ethereal glow. 

The main worship area had all pews stripped from it and instead was a massive dance floor packed with bodies. On either side underneath where there was a mezzanine level, were two massive bars with large cages holding women who were dancing along with the music. There was a massive staircase to our right that was roped off with two bouncers standing there to block folks from just heading up to where there was a VIP section on the level above us. 

“Papa, Cardinale, Sister.” A woman’s voice pulled me from my wandering gaze. The woman was shorter than me but you wouldn’t know based on the massive heels she was wearing. She wore a latex dress, just as form fitting as mine but stopped just at her knee, it was a nude color so at first glance I thought she was naked. She wore a leather body harness over it and smiled warmly at us. “We’ve been expecting you, I’ve set you up in the VIP lounge tonight.”

“Ah, Manager, it is so nice to see you again.” Terzo crooned, leaning around me to press a kiss to the woman’s cheek in greeting. “However I think we would like to jump right into the fray so to speak.”

“Excellent, Papa. Please let me know if you need anything, I’ve set you up with VIP bottle service for the floor and for your booth upstairs. Enjoy your evening!” With that she sauntered away, heading upstairs herself. 

I looked over at Copia who looked smug but anxious and I took his hand, squeezing it as I leaned in to yell in his ear. 

“You don’t have to dance if you don’t want too.”

“Si, si…I know. Let us get a few drinks and then maybe I will join…” he laughed sheepishly and tugged on Terzo’s sleeve, gesturing to the roped off VIP bar on the ground floor with his head. Terzo got the message and the three of us walked up to the bartender, a man wearing only a bondage harness and black leather trousers. 

“Three tequila shots!” I called out, handing him the black credit card I’d been told to use for emergencies. Clubbing and liquor counted as an emergency right?

Quickly the three of took the shots as the man poured them, sticking three lime wedges on a napkin in front of us. I turned around facing the boys with a cheeky grin. 

“To our first hurdle, one down and six rituals to go!” I cheered, a goofy smile on my face as I clinked my shot glass with theirs before throwing it back with a grimace. The liquor itself was smooth as it slid down my throat, sucking on the lime wedge before flagging the bartender for another round. 

“Amore, take it slow. We will be here for a while, why don’t we have a few drinks first, no?” Terzo teased, his gloved hand running up and down my bare upper arms as he called out into my ear over the pulse of the music. 

“But shots are faster and I need liquid courage for this.” I grumbled, a blush staining my cheeks. “Copia, what would you prefer?”

“I think one of us needs to keep a clear head just in case, Topolino. One more shot for me and I think I will stick with scotch for the evening.” Copia spoke as he leaned against the bar, though he looked casual I could read the tense muscles in his back. 

“Why don’t you scope out a spot for us in VIP while I let Papa drag me out to dance, find a good spot to watch us.” I offered, he looked a little more relaxed and nodded before heading towards the stairs up to VIP.

“You are very kind to him, Amore.” Terzo purred in my ear as he curled around me, one hand settling on my hip as he held the shot in front of my mouth. “He may not join us now, but give him some time to warm up and he will come back to you, trust me.”

“I think watching us will be all the invitation he needs.” I mumbled as I leaned my head back on his shoulder, turning to his ear as I spoke. “Let’s do this shot and you can show me some moves, old man.”

“Ooh, stai chiedendo una sculacciata stasera, marmocchio.” You're asking for a spanking tonight, brat. He chuckled darkly as I turned in his arms and took the shot from his hand. I threw it back while maintaining our gaze, my eyes heavy with lust as the strong liquor started to work its way in my system. “Come, let me show you these moves…”

Terzo threw his shot back quickly, taking my hand and leading me out onto the floor of writhing bodies. The dance floor was packed with people, the heat and air thick, making me almost feel like I was moving through a pulsing body of water. Somehow Terzo and I made it to almost the middle of the floor, moving our bodies together with the bass of the music. I followed his movements, facing him at first with my arms around his neck as he wrapped his around my waist. I swayed my hips to the beat as he pulled me close to him, the other bodies around us pressing closer as we began to move with the push and pull of the crowd around us. Like the movement of the tides, Terzo and I swayed together. His hands guided my hips against him as we bounced to the sound of the music, feeling almost entranced between the thrumming bass in my chest and the dark heat of lust in his eyes.

In the pulse of the strobe, Terzo’s mismatched eyes were locked on my face. His white iris looked like it was glowing, I was mesmerized by him as we both began to sweat from the wall of heat around us. Terzo’s hair was slightly hanging in his face as he gripped my hips roughly and spun me around to grind against him. I gasped and leaned my head back against his shoulder as he held firm my hips and refused to let me move away. I felt his cock against my ass and I couldn’t help the shudder that ran down my spine as I writhed against him, dancing to the pulsing beat. 

Terzo’s hands started to wander as I matched my movements to his own, the heat of his body and hands bleeding through both his gloves and the thin latex material of my dress. The flashing lights were disorienting and adding in the liquor running through my veins I had to close my eyes so I didn’t feel like I was spinning. 

“Stai bene, amore?” Terzo’s voice rang in my ear over the deafening beat. 

“I’m fine, just sensory overloaded I think. I never did anything like this before…” I laughed as I reached behind me to cup the back of his head. He pressed open mouth kisses to my neck and I moaned, the sound absorbed by the beat of the music. “Terzo…”

“Amore.” He purred into my skin, his hands running up my sides from my hips to my waist before cupping my breasts as he swayed against me, groaning in my ear as my free hand reached back to cup him over his trousers. 

He grunted and thrust himself into my palm, my mouth going dry as his thumbs pinched my nipples through the latex dress. I gasped his name, turning my head to bury my face in his neck. He smelled of incense as always but also something earthy, something so unique to him. I couldn’t help myself as I pressed kisses into the skin of his neck, biting down as one of his hand slipped between my thighs for only a second, sucking and leaving a love bite. He hissed, swearing under his breath as we continued to rock to the beat, before he chuckled darkly. 

“Look up, si?” Terzo groaned, hands returning to my hips as I bucked back against him.

I did as I was told and gasped at the slight of Copia watching us from the VIP area, leaning on the railing with a dark smirk. Even in the low light of the club I could see his eyes locked on Terzo and I as we ground against each other. I couldn’t help the whimper that slipped past my lips as one of Terzo’s hands wrapped around my throat, the other teasing my clenching thighs as we danced. His hand gripped the thin exposed section of skin between my thigh high boots and my extremely short dress. Copia’s smirk slipped from his face as he watched Terzo bite my neck, sucking a love bite mark right under my ear. I gasped, arching my back and tugging on his hair. 

“Terzo, please.” I gasped, eyes slipping closed as his fingers slipped upwards and just barely brushed against my clenching cunt. “What if someone sees us?”

“Pensi che me ne frega un cazzo, Amore?” Terzo chuckled in my ear, nipping the lobe before speaking again. “Let them enjoy the free show if they want…”

We danced for what felt like hours, Terzo groping me and grinding his cock against me. I felt him edging me so much I was shaking in his arms, panting and writhing like I was on the verge of coming undone in the middle of the dance floor. Twice our personal bottle service came and brought us another round of shots, taking the glasses with them as they went. I felt pleasantly drunk, floating on the edge of too much and not enough alcohol in my system. Just enough to make me think I could dance as well as the cage dancers but not enough to make me throw up. 

After the second round, which was actually Terzo and I’s fourth round in total, I had looked up to where I had spotted Copia before but he was gone. Puzzled, I tried to look around for him but Terzo spun me in his arms to face him, pulling me close as he grabbed my ass and we writhed against each other. Without warning he crashed his lips to mine, a strangled gasp coming out of me as our teeth clacked together. His tongue was in my mouth instantly and I fisted his shirt in my hands as I swallowed the strangled sound he made. His hands gripped my hips in a vice, grinding against me as he tilted his head to deepen the kiss. 

“You naughty girl, Sorella…” Copia’s voice purred in my ear, I jumped as I pulled away from Terzo and looked over my shoulder. 

Copia had a slight flush to his cheeks, eyes slightly glassy from the liquor he’d been drinking, but he also had a cheeky smirk as he watched Terzo and I dance. He curled around me, hands gripping my hips as he pulled me away from Terzo and back to him. Terzo stepped closer, tucking a leg between mine and grinding it up against my core as Copia shifted my hips back and forth with the beat. I let out a groan, head falling back to rest against Copia’s shoulder as the two of them puppeteer my body like a marionette. I had already been close but now I was panting and arching off of Copia while Terzo whispered filthy things in my ear. 

“Sento il tuo odore da qui, Amore.” Terzo purred, his hands cupping my cheeks as he tilted my head to look at him. I panted and smiled at him warmly. “You’d drive these little boys crazy if they only knew…”

A blush stained my cheeks as I looked around us, most people were locked together just as much as we were. They were oblivious to what we were up to just next to them, but there was a set of two pairs of eyes in our direction. They were behind Terzo, how he even knew they were looking at us I’d never know, but they were dancing with two pretty girls. They weren’t looking at the girls though, no they were locked on me. I gasped as Terzo pressed open mouth, wet kisses to the keyhole spot over my cleavage. I looked away, my hands running through Terzo’s hair and pulling him against me. I hummed in pleasure and groaned as the tight pull behind my belly button became sharper and sharper, orgasm close as I shook in Copia’s arms.

“Who do you belong to, Sorella?” Copia hissed in my ear, gripping my hips tightly and holding me still as my thighs clenched against Terzo’s. I whined, so close to my orgasm I felt my cunt clench painfully, which earned me a sharp spank on my ass. 

“Y-you…you both.” I panted in his ear as his hand curled up to tilt me to look up at his hooded eyes. They were dark and possessive, my heart thrumming in my chest at the look he was giving me. “Only you two.”

Terzo’s thigh slipped further between my legs and I hissed at the feeling of the silk sliding between my legs, but I felt Copia groan behind me. He ground his hips forward against my ass and I knew Terzo had managed to graze his knee against Copia’s cock, the wicked grin on his face giving him away. 

“Let her have her reward, Cardinale. She has been a very good girl, no?” Terzo argued for me, a sly smile on his face as he rocked forwards against us with the pulse of the music. 

Both Copia and I writhing against one another, I was panting as my hands came to grip Terzo’s collar. I tugged his lips to mine roughly, tongue slipping into his mouth as he slipped a hand into my ponytail and tugged on it playfully. I gasped, sucking his tongue into my mouth and matching my playful flicks of my tongue to the beat of the music. Copia meanwhile was back to guiding me against Terzo’s thigh, grinding his cock against my ass with every rock of my hips. Between the liquor in my veins and the heady feeling on the dance floor I was so close, trembling while I was pinned between my lovers. 

“P-please.” I begged, lips grazing against Terzo’s as Copia leaned forward and teasingly ran his teeth against my pulse point. “I-I can’t…”

“Be a good girl, Sorella. Vieni per tuo Papa e il Cardinale.” Terzo crooned, hand coming to take over on my hips. He rocked me faster against his thigh as he rocked against me. 

“Sì Sorella, vieni per le tue consorti.” Yes Sister, come for your mates Copia’s voice was gruff as he groaned against me, sinking his teeth into my pulse point as I came undone in their arms. 

Terzo pressed his lips to mine as I cried out in bliss, swallowing the sounds as I arched and rocked through my aftershocks in their arms. I felt boneless as I floated there, swaying vaguely with the bass. Both men chuckled as they murmured sweet words of affection in my ear, pressing gentle kisses into my overly sensitive skin. As the pulse of my heart began to return to normal, Terzo slipped his leg from between mine. I stumbled slightly, Copia catching me and I smiled reassuringly. 

“Amore…my pants…” Terzo caught my wrist to catch my attention. I looked back at him puzzled for a moment, he was laughing hysterically as pointed to a dark stain on his upper thigh. “Now I will constantly smell like you per la sera.”

My face was bright red and before I could say anything Terzo was distracted by the bottle service girl, who was coming to see if we needed another round. I leaned to Copia who had his hand steady on the small of my back. 

“I-I have to go to the bathroom,” I called, leaning back against him to shout in his ear. “I’ll be right back. Order me another rum and coke?”

“Of course, but I think we will need to head back soon. I for one would like to get some sleep before Imperator and the older Emeritus family members arrive.” Copia said before leaning closer to me. “Besides, I have plans for you when we get back to the Monastery, si?”

That was all the motivation I needed to get my ass in gear, an excited smile on my face as I nodded enthusiastically. 

“I’ll meet you by the door in five minutes? You wrangle Terzo.”

“Four minutes, and if you are not there I will come looking for you.” 

“Oh, is that a threat, Cardinal?” I teased, tugging on his shirt collar before he snatched my hand, pressing a kiss to the inside of my wrist. 

“È una promessa, Amato…”

…

I felt like I had been waiting in line forever, but finally I was able to use the bathroom. I had freshened up as best I could after grinding against Terzo’s thigh and a thrill went up my spine as I stepped out of the woman’s bathroom and into the long dark red hallway. 

At first there wasn’t anyone as I shuffled my way down the corridor but when I came towards the bend before the short opening to the main club I had to stumble backwards slightly or I would have slammed into a pair of guys who were blocking the hallway.

“E-excuse me.” I stumbled slightly, not trusting the way they were looking at me.

They looked to be in their early to mid twenties, both dressed in black dress suits. One had dark hair, long and pulled into a bun at the nape of his neck; the other had short sandy blond hair. Both were looking at me like I was their next meal and they hadn’t eaten in a few days.

“Una bella ragazza come te non dovrebbe perdere tempo con un paio di vecchietti come loro.” The dark haired one spoke first, leaning on the wall in an attempt to look sexy that just reminded me of a movie villain.

“I-I’m sorry I don’t speak Italian.” I spoke, my tone slightly wobbly as I sobered quickly and fear settled into my veins like ice

My hands were shaking slightly as I tried to peek around them to see if anyone was coming this way. Copia had said if I took too long he would come looking for me, surely it was longer than five minutes right? I realized they were still speaking with me and I looked back at them

“He said why you bother with them, you need someone young to take care of your needs, eh?” The light hair one purred at me, taking a step towards me. I took a step back and tried to not corner myself so I could run back to the woman’s bathroom if I needed too. 

“I don’t need anyone to take care of my needs, I’m all set.” I hissed, standing up straight and glaring at them both. Neither of them seemed put off by my attempts to deny them what they wanted.

“Come Principessa, let me show you what a young man can do better si?” The dark hair one spoke again, moving more towards me. 

I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up as my back just barely brushed against the back wall. I could see down the hall to where the bathroom was and nobody had come out yet, someone would come out right? I could feel the lump forming in my throat as I thought about screaming. 

“I said I’m all set.” I snapped, slapping away the blond one’s hand as he attempted to snag my wrist. 

“I even ignore the fucked up eye. Unless it is a contact, no?” The dark haired one purred, smirking as his hand reached out to cup my cheek. I slapped his hand away too, mind reeling as I thought about the best escape route.

“Leave me the fuck alone.” I hissed, attempting to shove past them and down the hall to the main area of the club where I could at least attempt to get help or find my companions. 

“Come, do not put up a fight, uccellino.” He chuckled darkly, the blond one doing the same. His hands brushed against my upper arm in a soothing motion and I flinched away from him. 

“Don’t touch me!” I spat, side stepping them both with a furious look on my face. “If you try and touch me again you will regret it.”

“You put up this much fight for the old timers?” He joked, stepping with me to block my path. “Beautiful girl like you deserves better, no?”

“They are twice the men you boys will ever be.” I spat at him, he opened his mouth leaning in to speak to me again but I heard another voice in the hall.

“Credo che la signora abbia chiesto di essere lasciata in pace, ragazzi…” I believe the lady asked to be left alone, fellas...

Terzo’s voice felt like a lifeline and I had to hold back the sob that hung in my throat as the two men stepped slightly towards him. I could see him standing only a few feet away, a predatory gleam in his eyes and a wicked smirk on his face. 

“Vaffanculo, nonno. Nessuno ti ha chiesto di essere coinvolto qui.” Fuck you, grandpa. Nobody asked you to get involved here. The dark haired one spat, as he stepped towards Terzo.

“Sfortunatamente per te, il fatto che tu stia minacciando la mia amata significa che in realtà devo farmi coinvolgere.” Unfortunately for you, the fact that you are threatening my beloved means I do in fact have to get involved . Terzo sighed dramatically, winking at me before turning to the two younger men.

“Amato? Che cazzo, da dove vieni?” Beloved? What the fuck, where did you even come from?

Terzo ignored them and held his hand out to me, nodding comforting as I stepped around the two men and towards my companion. “Come, Sorella.”

“Sorella? She your Sister?!” The blond one said, horrified look on his face as he looked at Terzo and I. 

“She is my paramore, my Sister of Sin. My Prime Mover. You will show her respect.” He spoke, eyes dark and white iris flashing dangerously. I snatched his hand and started to pull him away from the men, desperate to get out of there and grab a few drinks for the road. 

“Sorella del peccato? Oh, sei uno di quei pazzi satanisti, vero?” Sister of Sin? Oh you're one of those crazy Satanists aren't you?

I didn’t know what came over me, a rage so strong I could taste the copper on my tongue as I whipped around and my furious gaze locked on them. 

“Do not speak to Papa Emeritus the Third like that…or of Lucifer.” I spat, my head starting to hum on the edge of a headache. “You will not speak of our Dark Lord like that again, or mark my words you will lose your tongue.”

“What could you possibly do about it?” The boys laughed and I clenched my fists.

“Amore…” Terzo’s voice cut through the low buzzing sound I felt in my head but I couldn’t get the rage to dissipate. Another voice slipped into the fray, one I could have sworn I’d heard before.

Protect my flock…heed my power, Prime Mover…

“I-I will…” I mumbled, Terzo fixing me with an odd look as I took two steps towards the boys. 

“Ah you finally make your decision, uccellino?” One asked, a smirk on his face. I smiled sweetly.

“I did.” I purred as I pressed my hands together in mock prayer. “Nema.”

I knew something was up by the way their eyes widened in fear, both taking a small step backwards. It wasn’t till the buzzing sound filtered away that I heard the unearthly growl from behind me. Looking over my shoulder I felt my heart spudder as I realized what I had allowed to happen.

“Sorella…what did you do?”

“I’m protecting our flock, Terzo.” I mumbled, dazed and stepped back towards him as an unmasked ghoul slid forward between the men and I. 

Carefully I reached forward, putting a hand on the ghouls shoulder and spoke softly to them. Their head whipped around to look at me with wide glowing eyes. Part of me was terrified but another understood that this ghoul would never hurt me; unmasked or not. 

“Your name is multi-ghoul, you will serve me, yes?”

“Yes, your eminence.” Their voice was rough as they materialized a mask, a silver one like all the ghouls had, and pulled it on to cover their face. “I am yours…”

“See boys? Lucifer shares his power with all who ask, as long as they are deserving…” I crooned, tilting my head as they looked at me like I had lost it. Maybe I had, I felt drunk on power I didn’t quite understand just yet. The multi ghoul growled as he crouched low and close to me, protective stance. 

“Omega…” Terzo called softy, the low lighting in the hallway flickering slightly before another ghoul materialized next to us. The boys were shaking in fear now but I ignored their eyes. “Please escort this new ghoul back to the monastery, si?”

“Yes Papa.” Omega spoke, their voice deep and level as they put a hand on the newest ghoul. My ghoul, I shuttered as I felt what was clearly anxiety but not my own. Multi was looking back at me with primal fear in their eyes, I nodded calmly.

“It’s alright. You’re safe with us now…” I tried to reassure them, smiling and nodding as Terzo put his hand on my shoulder. “As soon as I can I’ll come find you, okay?”

They nodded at me before looking and growling at the outsiders before Omega whisked them both away in a void of black. The two boys who had tried to take advantage of me were shaking and looking back and forth between Terzo and I. They scrambled, shoving each other as they tried to slide around us. 

“Do remember next time you try to mess with us Satanists, boys! Some of us have a direct line to the big man.” I chuckled, pointing to my white iris. “Some of us are his favorites…”

Without another pause they booked it out of the hall, leaving Terzo and I standing there staring at each other. His chest was heaving and he looked almost furious…almost. I blushed bright red, ringing my hands together and looking away from him. 

“I-I’m sorry I don’t know what came over me I-!” I started before Terzo spun me and slammed my back into the wall before crashing his lips against mine. 

I gasped at his rough handling of me, back arching off the wall as he drove his tongue into my parted lips and teased my own. He pressed his entire body weight into me, taking my wrists and pinning them above my head so I couldn’t escape him. I whimpered into our furious kisses as he slipped his leg between mine again and I rocked against him. I moaned and rolled my body against his as his free hand gripped my hip so tight I thought I would bruise for sure. 

“I lose you both for one minute and this is how I find you…” Copia’s voice made me jump, pulling back from Terzo’s aggressions and blushing bright red. 

“Copia I-” I started to speak but Terzo put a hand over my mouth, silencing me. I pushed against his grip on my wrists but he was stronger than he looked and I ended up just glaring at him as he spoke to Copia.

“Non so come abbia fatto, ma la sorella ha evocato un ghoul.” I don't know how she did it, but Sister summoned a ghoul.

“Un demone? Senza alcun aiuto rituale?! Ma non è…” A ghoul? Without any ritual help at all?! But that's not…

“Possibile? Lo so, eppure l'ha fatto lo stesso. Avremmo dovuto discutere del segno di favore prima di fare qualsiasi altra cosa.” Possible? I know and yet she did it just the same. We should have discussed the mark of favor before doing anything else.

“Sai che dovremo dirlo a Saltarian, vero? Per non parlare di Imperator, si?” You know we'll have to tell Saltarian about this, right? Not to mention Imperator, yes?

“La festa è finita, vero?” The party is over isn't it?

“Afraid so, Papa.” Copia sighed before looking at me, a smirk on his face but serious in his eyes. “You, Topolino, are going to have quite a lot of explaining to do when we get back to the Monastery.”

Terzo took his hands off my mouth and wrists and I couldn’t help but pout as we walked from the club.

“I would have thought that of all people, you two would have thought the fact I summoned my own ghoul was cool…” I knew I must have looked childish as I slid into the SUV that was waiting for us, sitting in the middle of the back seat. 

“Sorella…” Copia started before Terzo took my chin and tilted it towards him. 

“It was one of the sexiest things I have seen you do, Amore, and I have seen quite a bit.” He chuckled, I blushed and looked away slightly. “However, ghouls of this nature…they are supposed to be summoned in a controlled environment.”

“What do you mean by this nature?” I questioned, Terzo looked over to Copia with a question in his eyes. The Cardinal sighed before taking my hands and pulling my attention to him. 

“When one is given a mark of devotion, there is a trade that is made so to speak.” He sighed. “You give Lucifer proof of loyalty, one that all can see whenever you open your eyes, as a gift he gives you someone just as loyal to you. Your own ghoul.”

“But the church has so many, surely not everyone has their own.” I pushed. 

“True, many of the ghouls that are summoned are done by the clergy or even the current Papa for the Ghost Project. But for senior clergy, it is a final test of loyalty.” Copia spoke, eyes almost unfocused as he looked at me. “But for some like…Papa, his brothers and…because of the mark of loyalty…”

“We have our own personal ghouls, Amore.” Terzo finished, a small encouraging smile. “It is something that comes normally after a rite of ascension, so you are skipping steps here.”

“You had called for a ghoul named Omega…is he yours, Terzo?”

“He is. He is part of the Ghost Project too, but he is my true companion ghoul. He feels as I feel, I feel his feelings sometimes too.”

“And you Copia? Who is your ghoul?”

Copia’s face turned dark and he wouldn’t look at me, stumbling and muttering something before Terzo took over for him. 

“Ah, the Cardinale…he…well…he was unable to summon his ghoul at his rite of ascension.”

“O-oh.” Was all I could reply, longing to reach out to Copia but he refused to look at either of us. The rest of our ride back to the Monastery was silent, all of us tangled with our thoughts. 

When we pulled into the side driveway, the sun was already coming up. Some siblings were starting on the earliest morning chores, receiving the daily delivery of food and supplies when we stepped from the SUV and made our way inside and back to our rooms. I wasn’t sure if it was the looks on Terzo and I’s face or the waves of anger and hurt pouring off of Copia but nobody stopped us the whole way. 

“I am going to go lay down in the other room.” Copia said simply, pausing to press a kiss to my temple. “Congratulations, Amore. I am very proud of you.”

“Y-you aren’t going to come sleep with us?” I asked, a lump forming slightly in my throat as I spoke. 

“No, Topolino. I need some time, si?” He smiled softly but it didn’t reach his eyes as he slipped from my reach, down the other hall and into one of the spare bedrooms. 

I felt the tears beginning to pool in my eyes as Terzo led me towards our bedroom. 

“Come Tesoro, let me get you ready for bed, si?” He sighed as I nodded sharply, fighting the tears back. “The Cardinale? He is…sensitive about this, yes?”

“I-I didn’t know…”

“I know, he knows this too. He just needs some time, Amore.” Terzo sighed sadly, as he helped me sit on the edge of the bed. “Come, let me help you get out of these clothes.”

He tugged my boots off my sore feet, tossing them to the side and helping to pull the latex dress off me. As he handed me my nightgown, I pulled it over my head and clenched my fists. 

“If you need to cry, then cry, Sorella. It will not help to hold it in.” He whispered as he came over to me with a wet hand towel, dabbing at the remnants of makeup on my face. 

I felt a few tears slide down my cheeks but I refused to let them flow freely, shaking my head like a child. Terzo sighed again but finished helping me take off my makeup, letting my hair down from its ponytail and tucking me into bed. I watched him from my spot in the middle as he took all his own clothes off, wiping his own face with the same towel he wiped mine off with before sitting on the edge of the bed and tossing his jewelry onto the side table. 

He slipped under the covers with me, wearing only his underwear and gave me a small smile with his arms open wide. “Vieni qui, mio amato.”

I wriggled forward into his arms, burying my face into his chest and inhaling the scent that was so uniquely him. Even as he rubbed my back a small part of me longed for the warmth of Copia settling in to sleep behind me. I felt my throat constrict as I tried to form the words to speak.

“W-will he always be upset with me about this?” I whispered as I wrapped my arms around Terzo.

“I do not think so, Amore, but I cannot say for sure when he will move on from this…”

It was then I felt the dam I had built up over the last few months of everything going on crack and as one tear became two, more and more leaks appeared in the dam till I was openly sobbing in Terzo’s arms. He shushed me and soothed me as best he could, his hands running up and down my back but I was so pent up and exhausted I couldn’t stop crying. Eventually I did drift off, the soft sound of Terzo humming in my ear soothing me enough to let the exhaustion of the whole trip catch up to me. 

[illness]

After a rough year of health, my grandpa departed from this plane about 28 hours ago. I’m treating myself kindly, but my heart has a noticeable absence inside.

He was a guy who always, always did everything for everyone – if you need your deck restained? Done. Need a new shower? Give him like a week and it’s there. Want a new window? Yeah dude he had it done in a day or two. Like. A tree fell through this man’s ceiling and he had it tidied up, with assistance, in a week. When my mom needed a ramp for her wheelchair in her final months, he had it made in a few days. He got shit done, always with others in mind.

He was also secretive with a lot of things; we knew he was declining over the past year just by looking at him, his tremors, a noticeable decrease in blood flow. But he was still doing jobs and painting houses. He was just that kind of guy and I respected it heavily. I envy it still. Everything he labored was with love and care that you could not find from anyone else. He amazed me.

He was preceded in death by the love of his life, we’ll call him Dean. I never met Dean – he passed a little before the turn of the century, so I only know him in stories. They helped raise my mother together – her mom wasn’t in the picture for much of her adolescence, but those two were. My mom only ever spoke in adoration of them. Things weren’t stable and they moved a lot, but they had love – and they always had her. I knew he did experience a few hate crimes, around the 60s or 70s, which breaks my heart. I never brought up his sexuality with him – mainly because it wasn’t my business, and I felt no need to prod at him about this open familial secret – but I wish he could have lived in the time that I do right now. Even with all its trials and tribulations. Despite all that… he had many admirers. Male and female. A real ladykiller. That did come with some stalking… he had a man who was highly interested in him try to sneak in through the dog door in his house. 🫣 even still, I can see where they’re coming from… he was a stud!

Speaking on my mother, my grandpa would move mountains for her. When we would go on our little beach excursion every year, he would go to our house and always fix something up or add some new fixture. I remember him totally redoing our kitchen, our bathroom, our dingy little porch in the back… we would be gone for a week max, so he would check on our animals and workshop. He still did this even in a damn recession. No cost, no questions, just love.

And the animals he had! He grew up on a farm with a slew of sisters and a few brothers, and he just always had something. He had these gorgeous salukis with my mom when she was growing up, and once he got his own house, he would always have his own dog and a crowd of stray cats that he would inevitably befriend. He even rescued a baby squirrel and raised it before trying to send it back into the wild – I think it stuck around in his backyard for the most part, still visiting him and climbing on his his shoulders. The animal who held his heart the most was Sam, a golden retriever my mom picked out herself and gifted him. He lived to about 8 or 9, but that was his soul animal.

Following Dean, the other loss that changed him was my mom. It’s almost been half a decade since she left, and I knew that broke him. His only daughter gone before 50 – what do you do? I don’t know. But he still kept my sister and I in mind, always, making sure we were set. He left us a house – the same house we all grew up in, with decades of work inside. All for my sibling and I to live comfortably. A house with the most beautiful backyard full of elephant ears, hydrangeas, tulips, pea pods. A backyard that I spent hours running around in, with a shed that’s got tools for days and a fully working kitchen. Somehow.

I don’t know where I’m really going with this. The fact that he spent so many of his final years making sure our family would be okay, to set up this level of comfort for us – I have been musing over it constantly these past few days.

Something I loved about him was how comfortable with silence he was. I would walk with him and his dog in the neighborhood as a child, rattling off sentences constantly, and he just nodded and listened. As I got older, I became quieter for a multitude of reasons. I remember just sitting in the yard while he did his work, never feeling pressure to talk – we didn’t need to. Taking in nature instead of forcing small talk. I never thought that I would miss not saying anything with him, because there’s so much I wish I could have asked him, even still. Though I regret not opening up more, I still look upon the quiet fondly. He appreciated it, and I appreciated him for it.

I’m going to miss him a lot. Understatement. Getting older has been very hard on me and I’m not even at a quarter of a century yet, lol. My heart is sore but I am eternally grateful for what he’s taught me and what he has left for our family to continue on with.

I will close this jumble of words with my favorite story about him. One day, circa early 70s, my grandpa calls out of work and tells his boss he’s sick. Really, he just wanted to take his daughter to the park with her mother/his spouse at the time. Conveniently, someone with the local paper is there and snaps a quick pic of the group after a brief chat.

The next day, he’s reading the paper, checking the weather for the week… and then he sees it:

I don’t know if his boss found out or if there were repercussions, but it’s still my favorite thing to recount. It’s just such a thing he would absolutely do. I love it.

No amount of words could properly sum up who he was, truthfully. He was one in a trillion, and I am grateful that I had the honor of being part of his time on Earth. I had a less-than-stellar childhood and upbringing at times, but he was always a safe space for me. It’s a high honor to be a man in my life with little flaw – he is one of the few I can bestow that upon. I can’t exaggerate just how much of a beacon of light he was in our lives.

I’m grateful that I was able to hold his hand as he transitioned, becoming free of the ailments that tried to rescind his independence. I will never know what waits for us after life, but I’d like to think that he is in some sort of heaven – adding a fresh coat of paint onto the pearly gates, dozens of animals and people eagerly awaiting his arrival. I know he’s back with the loves of his life, the ones he longed for from the moment they departed; his daughter, his Dean, and his Sam-bone. How beautiful and deserved that is for him, my Papa, to be free of decades-long grief. ❤️

[ecxhanadi]

The Cursed Mirror

One day before Hari Raya appeared, everyone in the house was busy preparing traditional cuisines such as Rendang, Lemang, and Lontong. Some of my relatives helped decorate the house with colorful curtains, painted the house, changed the covers of the couch and cleaned the floor while my sisters were wiping the windows. As for me and Sarah, my cousin, we helped our grandma make Ketupat, it was really exhausting until we didn’t realize the time went so fast and we knew everything was already prepared. The joy of everyone in the house can be described as the kids were rustling and playing around, and the atmosphere got crazy. The next morning, Sarah and I woke up earlier and got out of our bedroom. We saw our siblings, parents and relatives already prepared. So, we quickly lined up in front of the bathroom and took a turn to shower. Then, we wore our ‘Baju Kurung’ and sprayed some perfume. We went to the mosque and performed ‘Hari Raya’ prayers. After finishing the prayer and going back to home, we started to apologize to each other if there were any wrong-doings and hopefully will be forgiven. Then, our parents and grandparents gave us ‘Duit Raya’. It was simple yet the recipe of happiness. Anyone have a guess how much Duit Raya I got from my parents? YEAH… It was RM 50, which is too much! But to be HONEST, that’s not what I want for Hari Raya this year because it seems familiar to me every year they’d have to give the same thing and that’s not important. All I wanted was some fun and forgiveness from my parents. I know it’s hard for some people to properly forgive someone if they’ve ever done something cruelly but wishing I was free from the darkness and cruelty. The first thing we had to do was all my relatives gathered in a circle at the dining room to enjoy the meals that were cooked by my aunties and my mother. On the other side of the house, Sarah and I were chatting while eating our food and others were taking a picture of themselves using their cameras and mobile phones because Hari Raya permits you to have an extra time where everybody has got to do something crazy.

In the evening, my family, relatives and I are going to visit some of their friends' houses. Sarah and I were wandering outside while our family was busy talking to their friends, and we found an abandoned house. We decided to enter the house and we found a mirror. It was still good, so we picked it up and brought it home. Inside our room, we noticed there was a piece of letter at the end of the corner of the mirror. The latter contained weird photos of a boy named start with letter K and two girls named Mei and Aoi with strange arms at the back of each of the photos. I gave a surprised response. Sarah mentions that she once saw them, she frequently catches hands growing out of the corner of her eye. She expresses her frustration of these hands prompting concerns from me asking if she is all right. Suddenly, she notices something and points it out. We both turned our backs and saw many hands in the mirror. In panic, Sarah asks what they want, reckoning that they are here to grab her legs. This provoked me to make an attempt to exorcize them by challenging the hands in an arm wrestling. I lost instantly. The hand then disappeared. Sarah notices the hand disappearing from the photos. I suggest they wanted attention. I explained to Sarah that most lesser spirits are satisfied and disappear once their desires are resolved. In order to get rid of the hands in the picture, we have to play with the hands that come out. After that, we played their way through countless hands that stood in their way until there was only one left. Sarah reports that almost all photos have been cleaned out, meanwhile I say that I am worn out. A purple hand grabs Sarah's wrists. A mouth opens up on the hand telling Sarah to come to him with a resounding voice. The hand then slowly dragged her inside the mirror as she screamed for help. I attempted to reach her hands but it started to drag me too.

We were dragged to a dark foggy bathroom with hands in every corner. I notice the water and presume that it is a boundary. We are approached by a boy with an empty and expressionless face. The boy inspects us. We describe him to have silky smooth hair and long lashes, labeling him handsome like a prince. But our anticipation broke when he called us the chaotic people and questioned what food it took to grow it. He says he is let down that someone finally showed up, but it was just a bunch of crackheads. Sarah whines saying that he dragged us in here then says that out of the blue. The boy then leads us to a door, showing a room of many floors and full of mirrors. He tells us that this is a house of Wonder's boundary called Cursed Mirrors, but he doesn't know the details. We both describe the room full of mirrors and say that he has never heard of this. The boy introduces himself as Kaito, he says that he was just getting worried because he couldn't get out of there. We asked how he brought us here. Kaito answers, telling us that he asked for help from the hands to help him. I asked if they were his friends. Kaito bickers and explains that they are accessories for the Wonder and he doesn't own them. He asks if we could help him get out. We both agreed and we all walked to the hall and Sarah explained to him the boundaries.

Sarah tries to move Kaito over to the mirror. The mirror didn't seem to reflect anything. Kaito explains it's been that way since he got here. He speculates that maybe it's because he is a ghost, or maybe because he doesn't have any memories. I asked what he meant by it. Kaito reveals that he doesn't remember his life or how he died. Kaito asks us what they needed to do to get out of here. Sarah answers that they need to break the Wonder's Yorishiro. An image of a boy appears at one of the mirrors and he points out the direction of the Yorishiro which is located in the top ceiling of the boundary. To reach the stairs up to the Yorishiro, they need to pass through the mirror, but the mirror is only for orderly people, the mirror boy says. It seems that the Wonder would need to decide whether to let someone through in order to get to the Yorishiro. Suddenly, the room got darker, and a bell chime can be heard throughout the boundary. The mirror boy tells us that the world would be better off without someone who is annoying and that our life has no value, he transforms into a man, switching to a male voice in the process. The entity who is presumably to be the corporeal form of Wonder of Cursed Mirror asserts that he would take our place. He explains that their goal is to exchange places with the living. Kaito is merely a feeble spirit, and he is not worth replacing. He flicks his finger, causing anthropomorphic minions to come out of the mirror to try and steal both our souls, whichever of them steals it gets to take her place. Arms come out of the ground and grab us, restraining us from movement. A minion was moments away from climbing to the hand to take her soul before Kaito throws a small mirror frame to the minion causing it to fall. The minions then begin to target Kaito instead prompting him to run, but they end up restraining him to the ground. A minion swung a punch to Kaito. The arm around his tightens its grip, making him slightly lose consciousness. Kaito cries for help. A figure to what appears to look like a girl shatters the arm, freeing him from the grasp. She then breaks through the glass, grabbing Wonder's throat as Wonder asks why she is barging in his boundary before ruthlessly smashing his head against the mirror repeatedly. She tells Kaito he is hopeless and that he can't do anything on his own. Kaito starts crying as she pats his head. Sarah and I were shocked as she saw how Wonder was easily beaten by Mei, one of the girls in the photos. Mei walks over to Wonder's corpse and penetrates through her chest with bare hands, extracting his heart in the process. She reiterates to Kaito that if he wants to get stronger he needs to beat a strong apparition and eat it.

A grunting Kaito is heard as Mei has forced his mouth wide open in order to force-feed him with Wonder's heart. Kaito exclaims that he no longer has the desire to do this, and requests Mei to take it away. Mei continues anyway and steadily tries to move the heart onto his mouth, she is interrupted by Sarah and me, who grabs her arm and orders Mei to stop the procedure. Mei grabs both of our heads and seemingly attempts to collide it with the ground. Mei ceases the attempt and reaffirms that she is supposed to be gentler with the girls than the boys. Mei comes to a resolution and uses her ability to put us to sleep.

Mei asks Kaito if he'd rather have his new power taken away and vanish with it, or if he would rather take over the boundary and assume the role as a Wonder. Kaito comes to his decision, giving grounds that he doesn't want to disappear and become nothing, so in order to avoid this he will agree on becoming a Wonder. Mei affirms to this and agrees to grant his wish. She announces that from now on, Kaito will now be known as the new Wonder of Cursed Mirror. Kaito takes on a new form, now wearing a tattered black jacket embellished with eyes. Mei tells him that the boundary now belongs to him. In celebration, she comes to ask him what he wants to be as an apparition. Kaito answers, saying his wish is to be a normal human. He asks Mei if it could be possible. Mei affirms this. Suddenly, a resounding no comes from Aoi, the other girl from the photos. Aoi asserts that apparitions born in the land of the dead are forbidden from living as humans in their world. She demands Kaito to give back his position and urges him not to become the Wonder. Mei chuckles and tells Aoi that Kaito had certainly become very strong, suggesting that it would be enough to crush her like a bug. She adds that Aoi would be unable to defeat him under his own boundary. She looks back and notices Kaito attempting to flee away from the situation. She confronts Kaito who confesses that he wouldn't be able to beat a girl who's slinging a big knife around. In an effort to get him engaged, Mei smacks and forces him to yield. Kaito exclaims that the lives of three are in his hands due to them being in his boundary, and that he can do whatever he wants with them. Mei proceeds to drag Kaito away and pushes him to Aoi, he gets freaked out by her knife prompting his limbs to attack. Aoi began to fend themselves against the ravaging exoskeletons. Aoi suggests that in order to take back his position as a Wonder, they would have to break the Yorishiro, but since we both aren't awake yet she has to resort to getting him under control. Aoi grapples Kaito and once again demands him to let go of his position. In a fit of rage, Kaito's exoskeleton begins to extend across the room, colliding with the top surface. The collision knocked some debris that began to fall on us.

We both woke up, and Kaito seems to have protected us from the falling debris. I suggest that Kaito looks far different from before, in response to his new look. Kaito affirms this and adds that he is stronger now than before. He tells us that he's one of the Wonders now and he gets to run the boundary they are now in. He says that he hopes that we won't try to destroy it, as this would ultimately lead to his harm. He tells them to leave, and suddenly the mirrors shake as pink limbs begin to drag me and Sarah into the mirror leading to outside the boundary. Kaito expresses a call for silence as he tells us to stop struggling, he expresses his farewell to us, expressing that he would meet us again in the future. It is at night-time and we both are transported back to our grandma house where we lay in our room unconscious.

18th May 2021

Total Words: 2,210+

Inspired by Toilet Bound Hanako-kun

I write this story when I was 15 years old. My teacher gave us an assignment during school holiday. It was an individual task, each person given the same plot and the theme is Hari Raya/Eid. The best story gets duit raya(money) from her.

And guess what? I won in the first place! ^^

[demonicpiano]

A Sock for Your Dilemma

Written for @rusengweek2023, Free Day! Wahoo!

Includes demon summoning, bad ideas, and a need for knitting. Available on Tumblr and/or AO3.

Ivan had about three seconds before the black smoke cleared and the human-esque figure now standing in his living room prattled off, “My name is Arthur.  Reason for summoning and what are you offering?”

“Uh,” was the first thing Ivan said. He sat on his living room couch, leaning over the coffee table with his hands lifting from a drawing made with suspicious red on a piece of paper. Tall horns, tail tip twitching, hands on his hips—Ivan quietly bemoaned the creature staring dully and expectantly at him, “Oh no, it worked.”

“What worked? This better not be another prank! I had four this week already!”

“No! No prank!” Ivan shot to his feet, almost tripping on the coffee table as Arthur charged a few steps forward. “I just! Ah,” he glanced around the table, nothing foretelling but a half bottle left of wine. It didn’t do much. So he thought. “I…dont know.”

“You don’t know. You summoned a demon and you don’t know why.”

“Sorry,” Ivan said. “My bad.”

Surprisingly, the demon only huffed, puffed, and sighed. “Ugh. I suppose it wouldn’t be the first time. Fine. I’m here already. Let’s negotiate.”

“Negotiate?”

“About what you want.”

Ivan sank back onto the edge of his couch, staring up at Arthur.

“You somebody managed to get my number. There's some part of you that wondered if it was legitimate enough to try, yeah?"

"No, I don't think so," Ivan told him. "It's bad idea to negotiate with demons."

"Then why even try summoning one in the first place!" Before Ivan could 'I don't know' again, Arthur made an offended noise and turned away. He wandered around the living room, which was only a tight circle, sniffing at nothing in particular and his tail flicking.

Truly, Ivan didn't know. He hadn't been expecting guests that night. Demonic or not. It was just some silly paper his sister had stuffed in the mail. Maybe that was the prank.

"What the fuck is this!" Arthur turned to Ivan, pointing at a photo frame on the wall. "Is that a sock?!"

"I—yes? Have you ever seen socks before?”

“Not in a frame for pictures and paintings!”

“It's the first one I ever knitted. So I framed it. Safekeeping.”

Arthur looked at the frame. Looked to Ivan. Looked to the frame again. He harrumphed and continued onward, gesturing at a picture between the two windows facing the rich view of an alley, one of a morose clown. "And this thing! What the hell is that thing. It's creepy." He continued around Ivan's apartment, snuffing and snorting over anything he deemed extraneous and odd. Again, coming from a demon.

Didn’t every and any piece of literature and religion screech over these creatures? But it was so absurd. A demon. Snooping around his kitchenette, sans fireballs and tortuous screaming. Ivan may have been a bit underwhelmed, if it were honest to himself. Arthur seemed like an ordinary man that came out of a gay bar on Halloween night. Maybe it was all according to plan, to dismay the victim, then spring hellhounds and annoying pop music when they least expect it. Ivan rocked to himself on his couch, petting down his scarf as he stared at the sheet of paper on the table. Mildly worrisome. The mold growing in the bathroom pipes was probably worse in the long run, though.

Arthur stopped just on the other side of the coffee table again with fists on his waist. Ivan looked up at the horns again and tucked his face into his scarf to snicker.

"Oi. You brought me here, remember? I don't like wasting time, so I'm not leaving without a deal. If you need a friend, I will make you one. If you need a lover, I will make you one. If you want a plane ticket back to your sisters, it will be done."

"How do you know about all that?"

"It's my job."

Ivan decided not to question it. "Ah. So you are every kind of man."

"Aye. That’s right. Any and every sort you need me to be."

Ivan made a thoughtful noise. He shook his head. "I don't feel like giving up my soul today."

"You don't have to. We perform deals to a far lesser extent all the time."

"But I get lesser asking."

"Naturally."

Ivan thought again. He shook his head again. "No, it's bad idea."

"You give grocery clerks money for food. You give your car petrol so it can give you distance. Your entire life already revolves around deals and trade-offs. Think about it!"

"I am thinking! It's still bad idea!"

"Okay and?! Humans make bad ideas all the time."

"That's...not the good selling point."

"Well, it's true, innit?"

Ivan sighed to himself, but made sure it was loud enough for Arthur to hear. If there was no other way to get this demon out of his home besides striking a deal, maybe the smallest, most affordable deal wouldn’t be so bad. It was either that or start smacking the demon on his head, but that wasn’t a good idea either, even if a lead pipe, for example, would make good music between those horns.

Maybe Arthur could snap away the mold in the pipes. Or grant him a new cooking set, one that wasn’t dinged up and flaking. Or  new shoes that wouldn’t get wet in the snow, or…

Arthur gave him a curious look, one that sent a blush through Ivan’s face from the knowingness of it all. 

"How much would...it cost to have someone to talk to for the night?"

"You do understand what sort of entity I am, right? Ask for something better."

“I see. I cannot even pay a hell-creature to spend time with me.”

"I-I didn't say that! I'm just saying if you had one opportunity to ask for anything, why go for something so..."

Ivan frowned.

"Anticlimactic, really."

"Because you said big deals need big payments!"

"And what do you have to lose? You're two payments behind in a rundown flat. I can give you riches. I can make the world love you. I can give you friends. Endless vacations. Endless ecstasy!"

Ivan hunched up his shoulders and made a few uncertain noises.

Arthur was at his side, breaching the couch in a heartbeat. "Your shame. Your guilt. I can take them all away."

Ivan leaned back, pinching his scarf to his mouth to protest, "Then you will chew me and eat me!"

"You might like it!"

"Oh, no. Oh, no, that's more bad ideas."

A short sigh. Arthur resigned to whisk around the coffee table again and back, the tip of his tail irked and twitching. "Fine!" He finally said, still going back and forth. "I suppose since this is your first time, I'll go easy on you. But only because of that! This is business, after all. You want me to sit down and have a little chit chat through the night, then we will." He finally stopped, whirling on Ivan. "I won't take your soul over such a puny request, but I expect payment nonetheless for my time!" He pointed behind himself. "I will accept that!"

Ivan glanced at nothing there, then Arthur, then the nothing again, until he realized it was the photo frame on the wall. "You want a sock?"

"It's something meaningful to you, isn't it?"

"I could just...make you one."

"But that doesn't have the same emotional satisfaction to it!"

"It doesn't?"

"Well!" Arthur's hand fell to his side with a huffy sigh. "What sort of sock are we talking here?"

"Oh!" Ivan leaned down and brought out a wicker basket of yarn and needles from beneath the coffee table. "Any sock! I have good yarn."

"Aaaand that's probably where all your income goes."

"No, that's-" Ivan blushed. "Okay maybe a little true." Arthur raised a brow, in which he glanced away.

"Two socks, as I have two feet, after all. And my end will entail spending time with you in any way however long it takes to make them. Does that strike your fancy?"

Ivan peeked up at him. “You wouldn’t take my soul afterwards?”

Arthur rolled his eyes and slighted back, crossing his arms. “Look, I know my marks when I see them. I can go somewhere else to get that if I must.”

“But you can get socks somewhere else, too-“

“Not like this, okay?! Are you going to make them or not?”

“You cannot make socks? Maybe I can teach you instead, that will be good payment, yes?”

“Erm, well. Yes. But. I’m afraid that won’t be possible. I’m fine with you making them for me, really.”

“Is it because of the claws?”

“No. We’re cursed. Our little departing gift from Heaven, I suppose. Can’t make anything from our own creation. It withers and rots away in our hands.” Begrudgingly, “So we get others to do that for us.”

“Ah, and most people do not do it for demons.”

"Right, right."

The living room fell quiet. Such a thing must have been a bruise to Arthur's hellish pride.

A sock. Two socks. Two measly little socks. What harm was this? Ivan stroked through his scarf with the image in his mind of demonic toes wedging into a cracked door, or some idiom like that.

“Okay," he carefully said. "We can have a deal.”

The pleasure erupted across Arthur's features, shoulders straightened, his tail gave a singular flick. "A deal it is, then. Pleasure doing business and all that. We'll just need a kiss to seal it."

Of course. "Okay."

"With tongue."

Ivan furrowed his brow. "No."

Arthur laughed. "I'm taking the piss out of you." He held out a palm, making a beckoning motion. "Just a drop of your blood and we're gold, luv."

Maybe they should have gone with the kiss instead. "On your hand?"

"No, give me your hand. Just a little prick."

"Just how you are a little demon?"

Arthur lightly snorted, smiling almost. "Maybe to you." Another beckon. It was almost gentle. Maybe impatient.

Maybe demons hankered for dusty, boring old souls. He smiled, shy over something goofy like putting his hand onto Arthur's palm. It wouldn't be good. Every part of him knew that. Very warm, though. Of course he dwarfed the creature, but—Arthur leaned forward, lifting their hands to his face and stared right at him as he pressed his lips to Ivan's knuckles. A being quick and sly and holding him far more confidently than he could handle; yes, a very not-good idea indeed.

"If we misbehave," nothing but green, green eyes and soft lips on his skin, "it's bad for business, yeah?"

Arthur kept staring. Waiting. Neck, ears, cheeks, all red. Ivan nodded. Bad, bad, bad.

Just socks. Just yarn and string and a demon.

With a corner of his lips curling up, Arthur glanced down and sank a claw into Ivan's fingertip. A droplet fell onto the page with the sigil on it. Ivan tried to let out that shaky breath as quietly as possible. A pinch and cut were always worse when it was expected, but just a pinch, nonetheless. Arthur smudged his thumb over the cut and let go of Ivan's hand, poking into his own to drop a few more on the paper. Dark creature. Dark blood. Ivan instinctively put his finger to his mouth, gawking as the scrawls on the page shifted and swirled before his eyes, blending with the blood. He jumped, leaning back as they lifted in a grain of dark scarlet to Arthur's waiting hand, and ran up his skin and settled like a snake around his neck. Just a thin outline of whatever words they were, but Ivan knew where they settled, therefore could see them.

Magic? Science? An act of godlessness, right there in Ivan's crummy living room. Arthur's smirk split into a smile and sharp teeth. Just socks. Just knitting.

"From this moment until you're done, whatever you want. I'm yours."

.

[agirlwithbigdreamsforher]

CHAPTER 23

THE NANNY: CHAPTER 23

Pairing: Andy Barber x Annie Johnson (OFC)

Summary: Working and single parenting is not easy. Andy needs to find a nanny for his son Jacob. Annie, an education degree student at Lasell University, comes to their lives just in time for the big changes in Andy’s life.

Warnings: Language, I think that’s it.

A/N: The witch is back.

Disclaimer: I do not give permission for any of my works to be copied, used, translated nor reposted anywhere else but here on this blog. Do not steal what you didn’t work for. Minors and ageless blank blogs don’t interact with me or my works. Reblogs and likes are always welcome. Thank you for reading this work of fiction.

Word count: 1801

GIF not mine, if its yours, please let me know to give you credit :)  

                                     ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Annie walked into the house a little past 4 p.m. after a girls’ day out with Sharon. She left the house around noon and let her boys by themselves. The house was in complete silence, the dining table was a complete mess, water colors and paper sheets scattered over it, dirty plates in the sink. She then walked to the living room that looked like a warzone, not better than the dining room. Andy was sleeping with Jake on his chest, paint and stickers all over their faces and clothes and messy hair. Annie just shook her head and smiled, she took Jake in her arms and took him to his room. She went back to the living room and touched Andy’s cheek with the back of her hand.

“Baby,” Andy hummed, “I’m home. Did you have fun?” Andy hummed again and she giggled. Annie leaned in and give him a small kiss “Great job, daddy.” Andy turned to his side and started snoring while Annie left the room to let him rest a bit more before waking him up to clean up their mess.

Saturday, August 20th, Jake’s birthday was finally here. Annie totally convinced Jake to have a Harry Potter team party and asked every guess to dress as one of the characters except the main character because of course Jake had to be dressed as Harry Potter.  It has been two weeks since Andy talked to Lynn and they agreed on letting Andy have the afternoons free to spend more time with Jake. They have seen progress, Jake’s nightmares were ceasing, and when he had them were not about the monster. The dynamic was definitely changing, Annie took care of Jake in the mornings so Andy could spend the whole afternoon with him, she would tag alone if Jake insisted but in the most part it was just the two of them. The bond Jake and Andy were creating was evident, Annie couldn’t be happier to see how Jake was enjoying the company of his dad. They played ball in the back yard, Andy read stories to him before bed, they went out by themselves, and Andy sometimes even share and explain his work to Jake, so he could understand what he did and why his job was important in helping people.

It was around noon when Annie was setting the tables ready in the back yard. His brother and sister in law had already arrived, baby Denisse dressed as dobby was the cutest thing ever with a little sock sewed to her costume.

“Andy?!” Annie called him, from the beginning of the stairs. “Our friends are here. Come on!” no response, she smiled “Be right back.”

Anthony and his wife were dress as some Gryffindor students, while Sharon and Seb of course were dressed as Bellatrix and a death eater. These two have been dating since they met at Alessandro’s, and to be honest they were perfect for each other. Mark and his boyfriend opted to be Neville and Draco.

Annie walked to their room, Andy was hidden in the bathroom and she knocked at the door.

“Come on big guy.”

“I look stupid!”

“I’m sure you don’t, come on, let me see you.”

“No! I’m not coming out!”

“Oh please! It’s Jake’s birthday! He is going to be sad if you don’t come down.”

“Why didn’t you rent a Dumbledore costume?!”Andy opened the door and came out, the beard was absolutely ridiculous, it looked like a dead animal, and she couldn’t help but laughed.

“Ok! I’m not coming down!” But Annie grabbed him by the arm.

“No, I’m sorry, is just that beard is too much! But you don’t look bad. Although the clothes are a bit loose on you.”

“Of course they are! We are talking about a giant!”

“Ok, Hagrid is not a full giant.” Annie looked for the bag were the costume was. “I thought this included a belly.”

“It does, but I don’t like it.” Andy walked in the bathroom and came out holding some kind of rounded pillow.

“Ok, let’s put it on, I wanna see.” Annie put the fake belly between Andy’s pants and his shirt. “Hmmm, looks good to me, sexy chubby man.” She hugged him and winked at him, “Next Christmas you’re gonna be Santa, can’t wait to sit on your lap daddy.”

“I look fucking ridiculous.”

“Tell you what. If you come out like this and use the costume the whole party, I’ll let you put it anywhere.”

“Anywhere?” Andy lifted his eyebrow.

“Yes, baby. Anywhere, and you know I am a woman of my word.”

“Alright! Let’s do this!” Andy walked out of the room and down the stairs. It was impossible for every adult to hold their laugh. “Yeah, ha-ha, very funny.”

“You look ridiculous man.” Anthony said while laughing.

“I hope you don’t look like that when you get older.” Seb commented.

“Shut up both of you, he looks adorable!”

“I don’t like adorable, honey.”

“Ok, how about fucking sexy?”

“My god! Now you shut up, I don’t want to hear my little sister talking like that to some Harry Potter character, is gross.”

“Fine, I’m going to help Jake with his costume, you can go to the back, and beers are on the fridge.”

Five minutes later, Jake and Annie walked out to the back yard, Some of Jake’s friends were already there, including his neighbor Luis. Jake was so excited to see his dad dressed as Hagrid, and Andy, once he saw his son’s reaction, knew every prank Anthony and Seb did today will be worth it. The magician came around 3 p.m. and all the kids were ecstatic when he did the tricks, he even put Jake to help him in one of his acts. Around 6, some of the kids and their moms started to leave, but the rest of their friends remain in the yard, drinking and hanging out.

“Can I take off my costume now, honey?”

“Sure, baby. My promise stands still.” She winked at him and he ran to his room to change into a t-shirt and sweets. He was coming out the bathroom when his phone dinged. A text of an unknown number.

“Hi, Andy. Long time without talking.”

“Who is this?”

“Oh, that’s right! I changed my number. How about if you call me and see who am I, after all it’s been 3 years since you last saw me. It will be nice to catch up.”

Andy’s blood froze. When he read those last words he knew exactly who this person was. He dial the number and she immediately answered.

“Hello, my love.”

“Don’t call me that!” The nickname she used to call him stunk deep. “The fuck you want Laurie?”

“Ouch! So rude!”

“Fuck you! You left three years ago! You left your own son alone! How do you want me to treat you?! He was one! What kind of mother does that?! Never mind, don’t say anything! I already know the answer.”

“Come out, and let’s talk.”

Andy walked to the window and saw her standing right across the street and she waved her hand.

“How do you know where I live?”

“Come down and I’ll tell you.”

“No, get the fuck back to New York. You won’t ruin Jake’s birthday.”

“Such a special day to come back and see my son. I am an excellent birthday present.”

“No, you’re not! And he is no longer your son, he is mine. You send me that letter resigning to your parent’s rights remember?! Leave my family alone Laurie, I’m warning you.”

“Family? Andy you don’t have a family. You wanted to play the big happy family with me when I was fucking miserable! But you were too fucking busy trying to impress your boss to notice! Who else do you got? Your mother is dead and your dad is in jail.” Andy’s breath hitched “What? You thought I didn’t know? I found out about your dad before I left you. Poor little Andy is all alone.”

“I’m not alone, I have friends, I have Jake and I have...”

“Who? The nanny? So plain, certainly not better than me. Thought you had better taste.”

“Don’t you dare to talk about her! She is more of a mother than you ever were to Jake!”

“Yeah, whatever. But tell me, does your precious little nanny know about your dad? Does Jake know he has a grandfather?”

“If he doesn’t know about your existence, trust me he doesn’t know about my so called father.”

“Oh but I could tell him! Families don’t have secrets Andy, and you have been hiding so much shit just for everyone to think you are not fucked up.”

“What do you want?”

“I want my son back, and either we can do this the easy way or the hard way, you choose.” And she hang off the phone. Andy looked back again outside the window the phone still against his ear and saw her living in a white Audi.

“Baby! Why are you taking so long?”

“What?” Andy turned to see Annie.

“Oh, you’re on the phone, I’m sorry.”

“No, I just finish.” He put the phone in the pocket of his sweats.

“Great! Guess what? Sam’s mom told me Jake’s school is looking for a teacher assistant, I have to go there next Monday and give a sample class.”

“That’s amazing honey, I’m sure you’ll do great.” Andy turned to see once more to the window and made sure Laurie was no longer there.

“Wanna come with me? Our friends still down stairs, we are planning to play charades.”

“What?”

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah…”

“You sure? You look pale. Who were you talking to?”

“Ammm Lynn, it was Lynn, she was telling me about this case I have to take care of next Monday.”

“Oh! Is it bad? You seem disturbed.”

“It’s fucking messed up.”

“I’m sorry baby,” She went to hug him and give him a kiss, “I’m sure you’ll do great.” Andy still seemed off, “Do you want me to tell everyone to leave? It can be just us, watch a movie, or we can play charades with Jake. And later I can help you relax, remember my offer.”

“I’m not in the mood honey. Not tonight.” He took a deep breath, “Let’s go play” He gave her a tight smile and walked towards the door.

“Andy,” she reached for his arm, “You know you can talk to me about anything right?”

“Yes, I know honey. Just a though case, nothing to worry about, ok?”

She nodded and walked together to meet their friends. The game of charades making Andy forget for a while Laurie’s call, but knowing very well she was not going to leave town that easily.

[everystephoftheway]

camp cloudtop- chapter nine

Vex is kinda a bitch and Vax is kinda a simp, so, you know, the usual. 

This can be found on ao3 as well.

Backpacks fell to a heap at the door as Vax and Vex arrived at their apartment, their bodies falling on a heap on the couch just as the door swung shut. Their apartment, just like everything in their lives, was a perfect conglomeration of their two styles. Most of the furniture had been thrifted, but they managed to keep a thread of industrial grunge mixed with some posher elements. Their apartment was essentially a stretched out U-shape, following the odd architecture of their building. The open floor plan kitchen and living space were on one end and the bedrooms and bathrooms were on the other. The dark vinyl couch was long enough to fit three people comfortably, four if one was of the smaller species; bits and pieces of the fabric had started coming off the arms and ends, but the twins didn’t seem too bothered. Their coffee table was littered with their toys: arrows of all kinds, both made and in construction, were scattered about while a collection of Vax’s throwing daggers were kept well organized in a case he kept on the bottom shelf of the table. Over the wall mounted TV they recently brought in was a painting, Vex’s favorite painting, of a bear frolicing through a sunlit field, a little family of other bears in the background. 

“Did you see the girl in my group with the white streak in her hair?” Vex reached over her shoulder and pulled the hair tie from the bottom of her braided ponytail, slowly working her hair out so it laid on her back, wavy and voluminous.

“That’s Cassandra, right? Percy’s sister?” Vax turned his head against the couch cushion to look at his sister. “She got so tall.” 

“I love that she’s in our group. No one can roast another like their sister can.”

Vax scoffed. “Tell me about it.” 

Vex laughed, reaching over to punch him in the arm. Percy had left them just after the teleportation circle; he and Cassandra lived in one of the nicer districts of town in a brownstone that the twins could only dream to own one day.

“Kash made quite a bold move on your ‘partner’ this afternoon.” Her eyes watched her brother as she made air quotes around the word partner, and while he didn’t cross his arms or stiffen his shoulders, she could tell that he had held his breath for a moment; it was what he did when he was trying to hold something back, thinking of an appropriate response.

“He always liked to believe he was faster than me.”

“Let him be. You don’t need that in your life. Dating a coworker never ends well.” 

“That’s the pot calling the kettle black if I’ve ever heard it.” 

“Do you ever listen? I told you this morning. Percy and I are not dating. We’re fucking. It’s different.”

“You might want to tell him that.”

One of Vax’s brows arch high onto her forehead. “What on Exandria are you talking about?”

“Don’t you see how he looks at you? He practically worships the ground you walk on.”

“Well, everyone should do that no matter the circumstance.”

Vax rolled his eyes and pushed himself to his feet, walking over to their fridge to grab a beer. Despite his annoyance, he tossed one to Vex as well. 

“But, really, Vax. I know you. The last thing you need is to fall head over heels for your ‘partner’,” again with the air quotes, “only for it to end poorly. Then you’re stuck, miserable, for the rest of the summer.”

What Vex didn’t understand was Vax wasn’t quite sure he had a say in the matter. Keyleth was so kind and bright; it was hard not to find himself overtaken by her spirit, even if they had only known each other for a few days. 

“Besides,” Vex shrugged as she took a sip of her beer, “if you go frolicing about with nature girl, when are you going to have time for me?” 

A pang of guilt bloomed in Vax’s chest, his lips down turning into a heavy frown. She was right, wasn’t she? The twins made a pact long ago to stick together, no matter where they went, no matter the cost. It was them against the world, and it would always be them against the world. How selfish was it that he was thinking about dividing his attention; would Keyleth even understand his loyalty to his sister?  

He took another swig of his beer. “I’m sure Kash will show her a good time.” Vax then retreated to his bedroom and closed the door behind him, ready for a hot shower and the buzz of three more beers he planned to drink.

[msbarrows]

My nephew and I have started sorted through decades worth of boxes and bags of documents and files going back to his paternal grandfather’s time - my sister and BIL were both masters of procrastination so a lot of things that should have been sorted through and discarded before they moved to this house have instead been sitting around unsorted since the move. Technically since well before the move for a lot of it.

This particular item discovered in an old file box of my sister’s brought back memories for me.

The summer of 1985. She’d moved to Toronto some months previously and was renting a room in a house on Bathurst Street, working for a home care service by day and doing laundry at a women’s spa downtown in the evenings. I came down that spring to (in theory) find a summer job, and the two of us would look for an apartment to share, while I attended the Ontario College of Art starting that fall.

(I never did find a job that year, nor did we end up sharing an apartment.)

The 40th anniversary of the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki was coming up. Reagan was talking Star Wars (not the movie) and nuclear umbrellas. Brezhnev and Chernenko had died in fairly rapid succession; Gorbachev was just in and already talking about reform iirc. The Berlin Wall had yet to come down. An American warship capable of carrying nuclear missiles was due to visit Toronto’s harbour front. Nuclear disarmament was a big topic.

My sister and I saw something in a free Toronto newspaper about an upcoming protest related to most of the above - the shadow project. The goal: to use chalk paint to mark hundreds of people-shaped “shadows” on streets, sidewalks, and buildings, reminiscent of the images etched into surfaces when the bombs fell. We decided to participate. Everyone was given one of the above cards, marked with our name and providing contact phone numbers and the legal hotline to use if we were arrested.

I remember it mostly as a minorly scary (chance of arrest, ack!) but mostly fun night, spent with a group of other people while we ran around with our little buckets of chalk paint and paint brushes, painting life sized “shadows” every few metres along the stretch we’d been assigned. I think we were on University heading south from Bloor, because I can remember coming up to where the road split to either side of buildings (but it might have been Spadina).

I also joined a protest group that occupied Nathan Phillips Square for a few days; I can remember sitting in circles singing protest songs, sleeping overnight on the grass in the little parkette there with other protesters wrapped in sleeping bags and blankets, going on coffee runs to refill thermos or use publicly available bathrooms in the underground PATH commercial zones nearby (including the very high class ones with perfume dispensers underneath the Hotel York, among very few open at oh-my-fucking-god early in the morning). The dog in the bandana who the police were unsure of what to do with when they arrested his owner (iirc they just picked out a few known faces to take in, most of us were ignored and just sat around and sang some more). I remained involved with the protest movement for several months afterwards, until my college work load got to be too much. Oh, and I was introduced to Bloom County at one of the evening coffee shop meetings, when a member brought in his anthologies (thank you random person for getting me hooked on the adventures of Opus et al).

It was an interesting time to be on that line between teenaged and adulthood.

[nancypullen]

First Thursday in October

It’s been a good day. This morning I ran up to Walgreen’s and sat down for my flu shot and a COVID booster.  This was the view from my seat as I waited...

Is that just seasonal decor or can I bring the family up and use it for our Christmas card photo backdrop?  The grandgirl would love that.   Anywho, got a shot in each arm and received instructions to wait fifteen minutes before leaving.  No problem. I had a coupon I was itching to use so I grabbed a basket and picked up a couple things.

If you see a 59 year old woman with purple and black Halloween nails, mind your own business.  I wait all year for this month I intend to enjoy it head to toe.

I popped by the post office and sent a box of earrings off to my sister.  I’m late with it but she’ll still have twenty days to enjoy the Halloween bits and another month after that to use the autumn leaves and pumpkins. Here’s what I’ve been cutting, cooking, and putting together...

I keep the wonky ones and give away the ones that aren’t as bad.  It’s been months since I’ve worked with clay and I’m rusty.  It was still fun.  Any day spent creating with these two for company is a good day.

They think everything I do is wonderful. I could hold up a pair of sweaty socks tied together with a bow and they’d swear they love it.  I make something, show it to them and say, “What do you think?” and I always get a rousing response.  Of course, it’s the same response I get when I say, “Want a treat?” or “Ready for bed?”  Everyone should have a fan club.  You can see in that picture that I had the windows open today - we’re enjoying such nice weather, cool in the mornings, pleasant in the afternoons. We had a glorious string of chilly, rainy days and I confess I was a little disappointed by today’s sunny and warm forecast.  Chillier, please. I’m seeing more colorful leaves in the trees, on the driveway and in the yard.  They’re truly works of art. Look at this beauty!

Have I mentioned how much I’m loving my craft room?  It is perfect.  It’s the first thing I see when I come downstairs each morning and, I have to admit, it inspires me.

There’s still a bit to do, like a quote for the front of the desk, and a bit of foo-foo here and there, but I like it.    I tried to make a video to share with you but I’m very, very bad at videos. This was my attempt.  It will either make you seasick or annoy you with odd, unexplained noises.

For some reason I felt the need to zoom in on that little library mouse print.  I was probably going to gush over the frame, another barn sale find from Tennessee. It used to be in the grandgirl’s room in Mt. Juliet, framing a map of NeverLand.  She prefers it over (as she calls it) “the cozy chair.”  Over on the top of the cabinet that holds all of my art supplies I repurposed a bird cage that once held plants on the porch. I just stuffed a fake plant in there.  It’s not perfect, but I’ll figure it out. It works for now.  But enough about that room.  Just because it makes me happy doesn’t mean anyone else is interested.  We still have plenty to do in this house.

In the video you may have noticed that the stair bannisters are still that orangey wood. Ugh.  They clash with the new floors.  The plan is to eventually rip up the awful carpet on those stairs and just have them stained or painted.  We’ll do the railings then too. Until then I’ll have to ignore it.  The upstairs bathroom floors also have to go.  They are currently a really cheap and ugly sheet vinyl.  I’ve got nothing against vinyl flooring, but this stuff is not well done and it’s not in fabulous shape.  I do like that it’s neutral, and that’s about the only nice thing I can think of to say about it.  In the Halloween bathroom it’s in slightly better condition than in the master bath.  I haven’t done a whole lot in the master bath yet.  I’ve got our ruffled shower curtain from TN in there, a couple of sage throw rugs in front of the double vanity (more orange wood), and one “art” piece hung on a wall beside a window. I’m too lazy to go upstairs and get a picture of it, it’s just a cute painted tin floral thing.  It works in the space.  BUT, this week I added a little something new.  The toilet in that bathroom sits in a little alcove and it’s quite plain.  I’ve eyeballed it and wondered if I should put a couple of floating shelves there and add a plant , some TP, and a candle or a couple of knickknacks. Nothing felt right. So I did what I always do and decided I’d come up with a little something, print it, frame it, and hang it.   It’s a start, right?  I’m pleased with it, and feel it adds a bit of levity to the room.

You finished the rhyme in your mind, didn’t you?  

Felt appropriate for the space.

It’s not finished.  I placed it a little high because I’d like to add a tray to the tank and put a plant, candle, whatever there.  You get the idea.

Maybe a shelf would look better. I think I’m Team Shelf.

As I say so often, I’ll figure it out. So that’s what I’ve been up to - painting stuff, making stuff, printing stuff, decorating stuff, still trying to Nancify it up around here.  After a summer that rocked me a bit, I feel like I’m finally getting my groove back.  No surprise that I’m reborn in the fall.

Net week Matt arrives for a quick visit before attending a conference in D.C.  Rumor has it there may be a family trip to the Renaissance Fair that weekend.  After that the mister and I will be escaping to Chincoteague where the wild ponies play. It’s only about an hour from us, so an easy drive.  Assateague (Maryland) and Chincoteague (Virginia) sort of all run together and Assateague is supposedly one of the best spots in the world to get night sky and Milky Way photos. Here’s an article about that: https://www.onlyinyourstate.com/maryland/best-stargazing-in-the-world-md/?utm_medium=email&utm_source=maryland&utm_campaign=newsletter&utm_content=nltitle1 You know that’s why my photographer husband wants to go, but I’m planning to bring a pony home.  Just kidding.  I’m just saying that we have different reasons for looking forward to this little get-away.  If we end up with a pony that’s just a bonus.  It’ll be a nice escape for him, work is stressing him out and he’s getting on my nerves. That’s what’s shakin’ here on our patch of the Eastern Shore.  I’m vaxxed against everything but the plague, I’m staying busy, we have plenty to look forward to, and fall is in the air.  It’s good, it’s all good.

Sending out loads of love and big hugs for anyone who needs one. Heck, even if you don’t. Consider yourself squeezed.

Stay safe, stay well, go get your booster.

Nancy

[eris-found]

I didn't know I was trans when at 9 I was in swim class and my instructor told me that I wouldn't float as well as the girls since I wouldn't grow breasts. But I knew something was wrong, like no if girls float better I should float better (that instructor wasn't a good instructor TBH)

I didn't know I was trans when I was in elementary school and had an equal amount of boys and girls as friends, I just knew that I wanted to be like my friends. I also knew that boys were expected to play with boys.

I didn't know I was trans when my sister went to sleepovers with her friends, I just knew that there was something that was wrong with me that I wouldn't be allowed to hang out with my friends in the same way.

I didn't know I was trans the first time I watched a movie with transphobia in it, but I felt the approval from those closest to me of the movies hatred.

I didn't know I was trans when I turned 10, I did know that I wanted to be a girl.

I did know I was trans when I was 12, but I also knew that it was monstrous to feel that way (the lie that I had been fed until then)

I did know that I was trans when I was 16 and hating the changes my body was going through, but I wouldn't accept that I was trans until much later.

I didn't accept I was trans when I was 16 and staring to self harm and hoping that if I just left it long enough they wouldn't be able to save any of the parts I hated so much by the time the EMTs arrived.

I didn't accept I was trans when at 18 I made a bet with myself that I would transition if by 20 I couldn't find someone who loved me(the lie that the only way to be trans is to be unloved)

I didn't accept I was trans when at 21 I used gender fluid as my gender to my closest friends, living between womanhood and agender fluidity wasn't close enough to saying I'm a woman, but safely let me run away from maleness, and a different Identity than transsexual, transgender, etc. meant I wasn't actually trans (rationalizing goes hard y'know)

I didn't accept I was trans when I nervously asked to take my partner's last name when we married, much to the chagrin of some family members and much to the elation of many of my friends (you're one of the most amazing men I know was a constant refrain, and I couldn't even tell myself that it was cuz I wanted a maiden name, let alone someone else)

I didn't accept I was trans when at 28, obergefell happened and my partner and I, both Bi, sat knowing things were changing and that the wedding we had been planning for three years would've been completely different but for our already queer genders

I didn't accept that I was trans when the three years before the wedding, I had to deal with the heteronormativity of the wedding industry and their expectations of what someone who they saw as a groom were (the cracks were showing more and more)

I didn't accept I was trans standing in the bathroom before our wedding ceremony changing into women's slacks and a vest and having no one to be with as everyone in the bridal party had basically gone to be with my partner, helping with hair and makeup that I desperately wanted but couldn't have.

I didn't accept I was trans standing with painted nail on the dais at the wedding watching my partner wear a dress I helped alter to their taste walk up the aisle, something I so desperately wanted to wear myself.

I did accept I was trans sobbing in a Noodles, telling my partner that I was thinking of going to a gender clinic and that I was a woman and a number of things I don't remember because I was terrified and drowning in my emotions.

I do accept I'm trans today, and have now for over 6 years, I've been on hrt, I've made new friends, I've become more clear in myself. Being fully me has been the best thing to ever happen to me.

I didn't think that I would live to 25 let alone a decade past that, and now I get to plan for the next decade, and more after that. Struggles haven't stopped, but at least I get to face them as myself now.

[creepyschoolgirl]

I decided write more of these things of my self insert x Johan because I have fun doing it!

I sometimes think what happens if we have fights. I think Johan would give us some space between us so we both can cool down. He first to apologize and i always apologize too then after we make up he buys us food and we cuddle rest of the night.

Johan never really snaps or rises his voice but one time he did when I was getting those thoughts again about thinking he be happy without me. He only rise his voice once and snapped but more of crying awhile yelling little bit because I unintentionally hurt his feelings because of my paranoid thoughts but he noticed he scared me because he realized he basically yelled at me. He felt awful for that then he just goes hide in a other room for a couple hours.

I get inspired when I talk to friends and see things I like about some fics and stuff with him. But mostly keep him in character. I do have this idea he can be a good boyfriend but he loves eat up my attention definitely when I am FaceTiming my friends he tries to give me kisses and nuzzle his face up to mine! I am usually try tell him I will give him cuddles when I get off the phone and if I am not FaceTiming my friends when it just calling he will lay on me or drape himself around me. “ Julia come on it’s 9am I want go back bed.” “ Okay, after I am done talking to my parents I will go back bed with you you little attention hog!” He even gets jelly when I talk to my parents on the phone.

Also we share drinks sometimes because he wants mostly wants what I am drinking. “ Julia can I have some of your Snapple?” “ sure Johan you can have some.” R.I.P. my Snapple because he be drinking all of it!🥲 But I steal some of his coffee from Starbucks so it’s even haha!

I think I did mention before that we go away for weekend. I think we go out of town and shop a little we also get a nice hotel he gets us nice glass of wine. Then we take a nice bath together because I feel like he get a hotel with a nice bathroom and has nice tub for us soak in.

I love imagining waking up and him trying burry himself more into me because he doesn’t want get up quite yet. I brush my fingers through his hair so he can feel even more relaxed when he sleeping on me. Johan is very much a strange man because he will sleep on me or sleep on my stomach depending on how he feels because he wants be close to me as possible. But I mentioned our sleeping habits kinda before so yeah we love cuddling each other and laying on each other.

I been having a lot of back pain lately so I am thinking about lately Johan just rubbing where my back hurts. He definitely is good at it because he definitely relaxes me when he does it this man is really good with his hands! Oh my gosh that sounded so wrong!

Also not only Johan let’s me practice my make up on him he lets me paint his nails sometimes lol. He always chooses black or a really dark color he don’t really mind it! He enjoys these cute things I do he wish would had with his sister when they were kids but sadly they were separated. Sometimes he wears mascara but sometimes he wears eyeliner buts around very close friends and his sister. Lol yes, I got the mascara idea from the fandoms joke he must wear mascara or something because that man had pretty eyelashes 🤣!

Johan I feel like gets bit overprotective with me and I am the same way with him sadly that can cause us fight a little bit. But, We always make up at the end he always gives me a big old hug and i burry my face into chest. Also when we do get overprotective of each other it’s kinda funny because I will randomly grab his arm or he will pull me close to him.

Johan and I were once eating something spicy for dinner my stomach started to hurt this man when we laid down together rubs my stomach so I can feel better. He kisses the side of my head too and i slowly start dozing off in our bed.

This is the last one for right now!, I love it when he gives me so much praise for doing something even if it’s small and I do the same for him. He always makes it so special too because he will pick me up bridal style and giving me kisses awhile saying how proud he is of me!

I hope you guys like it I am always looking forward for some feed back!

[theartofgrowingblog]

to those i used to know

I had a best friend all throughout high school. I won’t say her real name, so we will call her Holly. Holly and I were joined at the hip. At school events, we would huddle together on the bleachers, making fun of whatever happened or laughing at videos on our phones. We played the Sims and pretended like we knew how to do makeup. Lana Del Rey’s “Born To Die” album was the soundtrack of our teen years.

We met for ice cream last month. I wore an outfit I never would have dared to in high school. I drove my own car there and listened to Lana Del Rey for nostalgia. I hadn’t seen her in three years, not since our high school graduation. 

I remembered it. I had been an online student for my entire senior year because my mom is immunocompromised and I am an introvert. I also had no friends to spend the senior year with. So why would I bother? Everyone thought I had just homeschooled instead and was surprised to see me at graduation. I got a picture with a few of the people I remained acquaintances with and we talked about Dungeons & Dragons. 

I saw Holly there. I wasn’t quite myself yet, so I didn’t talk to her. I was scared that we had ended on bad terms I was not aware of, so I went to see my family instead.

She reached out to me early this year. We had brief exchanges of ‘you look great’s or ‘I love that game’s, but hadn’t had a real conversation in four years.

So we met for ice cream. It was awkward at first. We didn’t know how to talk to each other anymore. I am not 16 years old. I am nearly 21. 

I’m proud of her still. She has grown, just like I have. She is not 16 years old. She is 21. She is doing good things with her life. She has a good support system. She has fun. She has grown without me. And I am proud of it rather than sad.

We are planning on hanging out again soon. I had to re-give her my phone number. Maybe we can get to know each other as adults.

My childhood best friend was a girl named Taylor (not really, but you get the gist). We met when I was the new kid in third grade. I’d just transferred from a tiny public school to a sizable county school. I didn’t know anyone. I sat at lunch with a girl I didn’t know that well and moved seats when she puked on my sneakers.

I don’t remember how me and Taylor started hanging out, but we were fast friends. We basically lived at each other’s houses. Her grandmother was like my own. I tried Starbucks for the first time with her. That’s a big deal for a basic white girl like myself.

We went through a lot together, but we remained the strongest of friends. Most pictures of me between age 9 and age 13 have her in them in some way. We always made sure we were in the same class (her grandmother worked at the school, so we did utilize a bit of nepotism). 

We talked about boys and tried to learn to do makeup and painted each others’ nails. We played stupid long games of truth or dare. We were basically sisters. We couldn’t wait to get older and be able to go out by ourselves. We were girls together.

She has a baby now. I sent her a gift when he was born, but had to text her grandmother to ask for her address. We haven’t seen each other since 8th grade.

I decided it wasn’t cool to hang out with her anymore, since a more popular girl wanted to be my friend. She ate lunch with a mutual friend for about a month before transferring schools.

I didn’t feel guilty about what I did until a similar thing happened to me. It wasn’t a good thing to do. I know that. I was thirteen, but I knew better.

She seems like a wonderful mother. I’ve never met her son, but he is adorable and has the cutest chubby cheeks. I hope he liked the toy I sent him.

I have another friend, let’s call her Melanie. Melanie was my soul sister in ninth grade. We just clicked. We spent the night together and watched Riverdale and went to the mall together (unattended!). We took selfies in school bathrooms and she would help me fix my hair in seventh period. 

Being 14-years-old is hard enough as is, but having Melanie helped me more than she knows. She moved to Indiana the next year. I missed her so much, and we messaged and kept up with each other through Facebook and Snapchat. 

She still texts me “happy birthday” and sends me the Snapchat memories she gets of us. 

“Omg, we were babies!” was my most recent response to a picture of us with a very dated dog filter on. 

My saving grace in 11th grade was a boy I’ll call Devin. Devin was my best friend when I needed it most. I was the most alone I’d ever been. Holly and I weren’t talking anymore and I would either skip lunch in the bathroom or eat with my favorite teacher. We had mutual friends, but he noticed when I disappeared from the lunchroom. He started eating in the classroom with me. He would bring his Nintendo Switch and he would always beat me in Smash Bros. He tried to teach me how to play Yu-Gi-Oh! and I never caught on. We came up with a Dungeons & Dragons campaign. Devin helped me beat the permeating loneliness of being friendless in high school.

Devin and I don’t talk anymore. I ran into him in the university union the other day and it was distant.

I still carry pieces of every person I have ever known. I still play the Sims because Holly showed it to me. I eat Tostino’s Pizza Rolls because I tried them for the first time with Taylor and we loved them. I still have the perfume I bought while at the mall with Melanie. I play as the character that I made for Devin’s D&D campaign.

I crack jokes that old friends made first. I massage a popcorn bag before putting it in because a girl I went to elementary school with said that it gets butterier that way. I keep Marco’s ranch in my refrigerator just in case my best friend Brooke comes by and wants some. I hate ranch. I read text out loud in movies and TV shows because my mom can’t see it well from the couch. I didn’t even notice I did it until my boyfriend told me it’s cute when I do. 

I am more than myself. I am a mosaic of all that have loved me and all that will love me. When I hate myself, I hate the combination of thousands of years of love. When I get aggravated at something I do, it’s probably something I gained from an old friend or a distant relative. 

I am me because someone loved me.