#so please enjoy !!!

[walnutmistjamie]

Phil Dunster | The Ted Lasso Cast Share Their Favourite Desserts | Dish Podcast | Waitrose

[horrorlesbion]

if anyone remembers that post about evil/threatening dogs in film needing their tails cgi-ed away because theyre too happy wagging their tails they tried this in john wick 4 but apparently gave up on doing it for the tails shadow

very good perfect boy

[ontheseconddayitrains]

Colette but make it white mage

[emloafs]

i'm wanting it back - chap 11 sneak peek

“Okay, well, catch me up. What happened last night?” Miguel questions.

Eli chews at his bottom lip. Embarrassment washes over him as he slips his phone back in his pocket. He scratches at his neck as he mumbles a response. It’s too quiet for Miguel to hear.

Miguel cups a hand around his ear dramatically and leans closer. “Huh?”

“I said,” Eli enunciates. He takes a deep breath and lowers his voice. “We sort of kissed last night.”

Miguel’s mouth drops open. Eli is about to continue, but Miguel unfreezes to scold him.

“You’re telling me that you kissed him last night, and you couldn’t figure out you were DATING?!” Miguel’s eye twitches a little. “You’re an idiot!”

Eli, always quick to anger, yells back in defense. “This has been a very confusing time for me!”

Miguel holds up both of his hands in defense. “Okay, okay. That’s fair. You get one amnesia pass.”

The fight leaves Eli’s body in an instant. “But also… I’m an idiot.” He feels a little pathetic, but he whines. “What do I do?”

[beanandberry]

Part Two!

I hope this is ok and stayed (somewhat) in character.

To anyone who reads and enjoys/comments/anything at all, thank you so much. <3

[poorly-drawn-slugcats]

hey everyone so this is my iterator oc Guarding Old Doors otherwise known as GOD and they recently* went through three separate divorces (romantic, platonic, and religious, in that order)

[lesbianasukalangleysoryu]

i'm not sure if anyone else has pointed this out because i've only had vegaspete for a day and a half but here's something that struck me about the finale:

in light of their most recent interactions (vegas apologizing while goading pete to shoot him and vegas apologizing while letting pete pummel him), the sentiment here is more repentant than romantic. the only way vegas knows how to atone is through violence. he doesn't want to deprive pete of his opportunity for revenge, so vegas offers up his own life (as much as he can, while he's still bound to his father)

and then after gun's death, pete doesn't thank korn on vegas's behalf. his gratitude is a way of taking responsibility for (and , in a sense, asserting ownership of) vegas

which brings us to the pool. vegas can't take his own life because he promised it to pete. it's not that this scene is in juxtaposition to the first, it is the consummation of the promise vegas made in the parking garage. in lowering the gun, vegas surrenders himself to pete.

[intosnarkness]

Chapters: 1/15 Fandom: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage Relationships: Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa, Kaz Brekker & Jesper Fahey, Kaz Brekker & Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker & Nina Zenik, Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck Characters: Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa, Jesper Fahey, Wylan Van Eck, Nina Zenik, Pekka Rollins, Jordie Rietveld, background Matthais Helvar Additional Tags: Forced Prostitution, Human Trafficking, Gangs, Gang Violence, Implied/Referenced Torture, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Canon-Typical Violence, AU, background wesper, Panic Attacks, Flashbacks, Murder, Heist, Arson Summary:

Kaz Brekker signed a contract when he was 13 years old, and he's been indentured to Pekka Rollins at the Sweet Shop for almost 8 years. When he's assigned to seduce someone at one of Pekka's parties, he meets Inej Ghafa, the Banshee of the Barrel, and tells her he can help her. She decides to take him up on that.

(Complete, will be updating twice a week.)

Guys it’s done. Have chapter one and may god have mercy on my soul.

[cosmic-shine]

Unusual commissioned triple DW Sweets: Vicki, Dodo and Steven, dessert is banana split <3

[herosplatling-replica]

hot and fresh off the presses: i wrote a Rhythm Doctor fic! i think i'll crosspost it here as well, but for now it's only available to registered AO3 users. please leave a comment if you give it a read!

[hero2222-nsfw]

Open Starter: Poolside toy

Here Chisk was, at the enterence of the public pool, his wrist and ankles bound to the beach chair and his clothing removed completely. He thought it would be funny to test on the pool water, and as punishment, he's become the free-use living dildo everyone was welcome to use and abuse.

(Have fun and go wild)

[incorrectjane-andthedragon]

What Your Favorite JATD Ship Says About You

(Inspired by Eldena Doubleca5t’s hilarious YouTube videos.) (I joined the fandom...not that long ago) (As of posting this, Chapter 12 is the most recent chapter of Dragonblade) (I made up some of these ship names myself) (Please don’t take this too seriously) 

Gwendoc (Queen Gwendoline X King Caradoc): You’re a sucker for background characters that seem rather one-dimensional on the surface but have rich inner lives. You think this ship has it all: wholesome family fluff, and buried nuances that you could speculate on for days. 

Ivoline (Sir Ivon X Queen Gwendoline): ‘Opposites attract’ is your favorite trope, especially when there’s spice thrown in.  

Ivonodore (Sir Ivon X Sir Theodore): You just want to f*ck dads. 

Janster: There are two options for this, Pre- and Post- Dragonblade’s release. Pre-Dragonblade: Friends to lovers is your bread and butter! Post-Dragonblade, you’re putting that butter on your popcorn to eat while you watch wherever the heck this novel is going. 

Janther (I’ve also seen the much less common Junther) (Jane X Gunther): You are a firm believer in the inherent romance of swordfighting, during scenes of which you will pause the show to write an essay about the relationship that would make an English teacher rejoice. You are holding onto this ship with the strength of a pitbull. 

Peprake (Alt. Peprika) (Pepper X Rake): Your main interests are keeping things canon and keeping things wholesome. 

Jepper (Jane X Pepper): You’re a sucker for character development.

Smithy X Jane: You think Smithy deserves more love and Jane deserves more stability. 

Jesther (Jester X Smithy): You think Smithy deserves more love and Jester deserves more stability. 

Smunther (Gunther X Smithy): You think Smithy deserves more love and Gunther deserves more stability. 

Jesinia (Jester X Aged Up! Lavinia): You love two dorks being dorks together.

Gunthinia (Gunther X Aged Up! Lavinia): You’re always a sucker for an arranged marriage trope and slow burns. 

Jansther (Jane X Jester X Gunther): You just want everybody to be happy!

Jesthane (Jane X Gunther X Jester X Smithy): You really just want everybody to be happy!

Drane (Dragon X Jane): You also really like friends to lovers, but the other ships were just missing something, that certain je ne sais quoi. You refuse to let anything limit your imagination. 

Robane (Robert X Jane): You…are Martin Banyton.

[answermywearyquery]

Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Han Joo Won/Lee Dong Sik (Beyond Evil) Additional Tags: Fake News Article, Like... In Universe News Article, Journalism?, this is silly, No Idea Who Is This For, POV Outsider, Humor

Summary:

LIKE FATHER (UN)LIKE SON: Family Drama at Today's Commissioner Hearing

(Or: an in-universe reporting of Han Gihwan's Commissioner Hearing, but it gets crack-ier as it goes.)

[littlemsterious]

i was thinking about that post comparing Jessica Rabbit as an asexual to Barbie and an asexual and then i thought of the Neil Gaiman post (was it a post?) about Crowley and Aziraphale being asexual sexless and then this happened.

anyways. thoughts?

sorry it took so long I meant to do this a week ago but my brain is full of rocks.

[Image ID a three sided venn diagram. the big circles show Margot Robbie's Barbie sitting in front of a mirror, Jessica and Roger Rabbit from the poster of Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and Aziraphale and Crowley from Good Omens standing back to back. Between Barbie and Jessica Rabbit it says "sexualised by society". Between Jessica Rabbit and Aziraphale and Crowley it says "Knows what sex is". Between Aziraphale and Crowley and Barbie it says "no reproductive system(?)". the center is the asexual flag. End ID]

Also i haven't seen the Barbie movie as of this edit so at least please tag your spoilers.

[captainfern]

boyfriend’s best friend simon

(18+ smut, fem!reader, infidelity but your boyfriends a cunt if that makes you feel better)

—•—

you don’t know how this happened. you don’t know when this happened. all you know is that it is happening, and you really don’t want it to stop.

simon’s everything that your boyfriend isn’t. has everything that he lacks. communication, understanding, selflessness; commonsense, emotional intelligence, a big cock,

the list goes on, frankly.

but here you are, your bedroom sweltering around you, swimming beneath distorted waves in your vision. convection currents radiating from your conjoined bodies.

simon’s hands were large and calloused on the soft fat of your hips, fingers toying with the taut lines of stretch marks passing onto the thick of your upper thighs. his hands gripped and pulled and moved you against him, slamming you up and down, grinding you against him.

he was leaned up against the headboard of your bed, head cocked back with dark, hungry eyes glued to your body and a coy smirk plastered across his face. the way he looked at you, gazed you, admired you as if you were some kind of prize, had your stomach in knots.

maybe you were a prize. after all, he was balls-deep in his best friend’s girl, and he didn’t have a care in the world. didn’t have a care in the world that his cock had chubbed instantly when she opened the door to let him in an hour ago.

you panted above him, thighs burning, shins pressed into the warm sheets of your bed. you were hesitant to be on top, to perch your body weight across his pelvis. your boyfriend never assured you it’d be okay, just agreed with you and fucked you flat on the mattress. simon was different.

“what? think i can’t handle myself a girl like you, eh?” simon had uttered, looking you up and down. a prize. he was also knuckle-deep in your pussy by this stage, two fingers scissoring you open. “oh, sweet girl, you have no idea.”

and now you were here. straddling simon riley, the formidable ghost that you’d seen only occasionally with your boyfriend. a recluse of a man, a mountain of a man. was always kind, always respectful.

an army dog, a government mutt. always so obedient, and so polite. well-trained and well-mannered. clearly, until he had a pretty bird like you stretched across his lap. a prize.

“yeah, ride this fuckin’ cock, baby,” simon grunted, helping you fuck yourself down onto his cock. his thick, fat cock— a cock that hit you so deep, stretched you so wide, that the joke of ‘is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?’ had died on your tongue because, holy fuck,

he could use it. he knew what he was doing. you should have guessed it with the way he spat on your cunt ten minutes into you letting him into your flat; the way he licked the glob of spit from your wet folds and fucked it into you, tongue warm and searching. you also should have guessed when he rubbed at your clit with his thumb while stretching you open on his fingers; the way he moved them at just the right pace to make you come twice in a row. now:

“s’all yours, baby. s’all yours,” he uttered, pushing his hips upwards to meet your downwards movements.

your tits bounced with each of his thrusts, the mattress creaking beneath you. the sheets were bunching, the heat in the room thick and molten. liquid, drowning you.

you gasped, air in your lungs. you were not drowning, just fucking delirious with the way his cockhead knocked up towards the plug of your cervix.

panting, you clutched at his shoulders. broad and muscular. you could feel the difference in texture where skin ended and scar began. a few times, your fingers wandered upwards, and you drew the tips through his hair. once cropped, now grown out. scruffy, rugged,

handsome. sweat beaded on his forehead, turning the lighter strands dark, sticking to his skin. between the filth he spewed from his mouth, you could hear him grunting and moaning. you wished he’d moan louder. maybe once he stopped talking it’d be different. but you weren’t sure how soon that would be.

“fuckin’— look at the fuckin’ state of you. such a pretty girl. such a pretty— fuckin’— girl,” simon groaned, thrusting up into you. the force made you hiccup around a long moan. simon smiled, triumphant. “look like a dream takin’ all o’ my cock, sweetheart. perfect little pussy letting me stretch her open, huh?”

“simon,” you moaned, and that wasn’t the first time you’d said his name tonight. but he acted as though it was.

a dog with a bone, simon flashed a wicked grin, canines showing, and redoubled his efforts in pushing his cock in and out of you, rutting against your body.

“yeah, baby, i’m here. your simon’s righttttt here,” he said, grinning, as he took one of his large hands and placed it over the mound of your belly, pressing gently and squeezing you there. he couldn’t actually feel his cock inside you, but the added sensation knocked an airy moan from your chest, your eyes rolling. simon hummed, pleased as he fucked you. “‘m reaching so far, aren’t i? so deep. bet your lad couldn’t reach up here, could he?”

you whimpered, and you wanted to whimper a ‘noooo’ but it died in transit. instead, you whimpered, like a wounded dog, as his cock hit that perfect spot inside you. it made you want to scream.

you continued to bounce against him, his thighs pressed close to yours. he fondled you, squeezed your hips while you both worked each other towards release.

“simon,” you pleaded, breathless. “oh, fuck—”

simon wanted so badly to beam with pride. but he resisted, cocking his head and watching the way your greedy cunt sucked his cock in with wet squelches at each upward thrust.

“you feeling good, sweet girl?” he asked, tone warm and honey-sweet. well-trained. then, “this cock making you feel good? he followed with an obvious lilt. mutt.

you replied with a yes, that trailed off into a high-pitched moan when simon’s thumb found your swollen clit, rubbing against it and beginning to draw small, tight circles.

“thaaat’s it, baby. sing for me.”

“siiimon,” you mewled, body tiring but stomach growing tight. bubbling hot, molten like the atmosphere of your bedroom. the knot in the base pulling tighter and tighter with each nudge of his cock against your g-spot.

your cunt was soaked around him, dripping out onto his pelvis and onto your bedsheets. making a mess.

tight, velveteen walls clutched at his cock as your climax built. gripping tight, holding him against you, keeping him with you. wet and warm and the closest to heaven a non-religious man like simon’ll ever come close to.

“beautiful,” he suddenly whispered, eyes on your face now. “beautiful girl.”

well-trained. damn, your boyfriend wasn’t even close to being this well-trained. he was more used to chewing you up like a toy, and heading off to do god knows what once he’d finished. once he’d satisfied himself.

you weren’t a toy for simon. just a prize. much different than a toy, for your information.

a toy is something you play with. a prize is something treasure. savour. and with the way simon revelled at the silky feel of your pussy against his bare cock, he intended to savour you forever.

“you wanna come?” he asked softly, but you knew the soft tone wasn’t going to last. not with the way his eyes glinted, his soft abs flexed, and his mouth curved at the corners. “can feel this pussy startin’ to make a fuss. so desperate for it, isn’t she?”

personifying your pussy. a new one, but one you weren’t entirely afraid of.

so you answered. “yes. simon, please—“

simon quickened his pace, thrusting deeper. your flesh rippled, thighs and stomach and tits moving with the sheer force of his movements. he grunted and panted, eyes drooping, fingers tight in your hips, chasing his own high too. he still had a hard-working finger drawing sharp shapes across your puffy clit.

“go on then. come all over my cock, sweet girl. show me what i’ve been missing out on.”

the tension in your body grew and grew, sweat accumulating across your skin. shiny, dewy, completely ethereal, you hurtled towards release with wind in your sails. sweating, hot, on the brink of overstimulation, you let your mind go fuzzy. you had a heartbeat in your clit. you could feel the stickiness of your inner-thighs. you could hear simon,

“come for me, baby.”

the coil snapped as if on cue. maybe you were the well-trained dog in need of a new collar.

your release rocked you off balance, and you slumped forward, ready for simon to catch you. he did, of course, leaning you against his chest as your body shook, twitched, jerked with the force of your orgasm. it travelled through you like electric shocks. an electrical current that fizzled out after a few long seconds, and left you boneless against simon’s chest.

he was close behind you, his balls drawing tight, tip leaking inside you, flared head now ruddy and red.

he moaned. “god, baby. feel so good around me.” a speechless moment, filled only with pants and— moans. simon moaned loudly, eyes snapping shut as his orgasm quivered inside him. bees trapped in a glass jar.

“just needed a proper cock to split you open,” he said suddenly, voice deep and rich. “pretty girl like you needs a big cock to keep her happy.”

rutting, in and out. desperate mutt. canines flashing, grip tightening, moans increasing. military stamina you hoped wouldn’t last all night. a working dog, too, this man. god, what a man. not perfect (you wouldn’t want him to be), but pretty fuckin’ close right about now.

“simon,” you whined, desperate.

he groaned deeply. “oh yeah, fuck, that’s it, baby. say my name— yeah, say my name when i come inside you.”

“simon…”

“that’s it, baby. that’s it. fuck, m’so close. m’so close, baby, keep going.”

“simon, please—!”

“mhm, thaaat’s it, fuck,” simon moaned, then shoved his cock as far in as it’d go (making you gasp and choke on a loud moan) and then came inside you.

you felt the heat. more heat, more liquid fire. molten. lava. you were drowning again.

he filled you, cum painting your insides as he moaned out your name, whining as his head flopped backwards, his large hands keeping you firmly in place.

then, everything stilled. your heartbeat clanged loudly in your ears, heavy in your rib cage. your puffy clit beat in tandem with it, and your hole fluttered around his cock, now still and plugging his release inside you.

for the briefest moment, as you lay against simon’s chest in the warm, sex-laden air of your bedroom, you thought of your boyfriend. the man you should’ve been doing all of this with.

but the thought was merely a linger. it flitted away, brushed aside by simon’s lips, that came to rest against your tacky forehead. he peppered a few kisses there, rubbing your hips, arse and back soothingly as you fizzled down.

“pretty girl…” simon whispered softly, hugging you to him. “my pretty girl.”

his prize.

he always thought his mate was a bit of a prick, anyway.

[parakavka]

my partner has about 3 genres of youtube video they watch, so I've decided to combine them all into what would be their Ideal Video