#so sorry for the phrase daddy word i've not had a lot of sleep

[homoerotisch]

fighting for my life trying to spell "exacerbate"

[ash-the-porcupine]

Rosita being a mom to Porsha, please!

Accepted!!

(Here you go! Sorry it's short, but I hope you like it! I've never centered a one-shot around Porsha specifically, so I'm hoping it turned out good :D )

Porsha Crystal had blamed herself for months about what happened to Buster. If she hadn't ignored Buster she never would have said she was fired and none of it would have happened. Because of what she said, Buster had nearly died twice. It really wasn't her fault, but she blamed herself anyway.

This particular day, rehearsals had just ended, and she was sitting in a theater chair, looking at the stage of Moon Theater thoughtfully. Buster had done so much for her. He treated her like his on daughter. He had to be one of the best people she'd ever met apart from Suki. 

She sighed with a forlorn sniffle. She wiped away a small tear. She knew Buster wasn't here right now, he had taken Ash with him to go get dinner to talk over the latest show, but she still felt like she was intruding. 

She heard a little thump behind her, and turned around with a sniff, only to see Rosita a few feet away. She yelped in surprise, apologizing frantically as she startled Rosita with her cry. "It's okay, honey, really. What's wrong?" she asked gently as she took a seat beside Porsha, setting her purse to the side after pulling out some gum and handing it to the wolf girl. 

"Thanks, Rosita. It's dumb, though." she shook her head in such a little way that it was barely noticed. 

"You want to talk about it? I'm not going judge you, you know that right?" the mama pig reminded kindly, rubbing Porsha's back in a comforting way. She had an extra caring look on her face. Porsha found her weirdly easy to talk to. 

"Rosita..." Porsha struggled a bit to find the right words. "Do you think Buster's mad at me for telling my dad that I was fired even though I wasn't? If I hadn't done that, daddy would have never tried to kill him. I know he has nightmares a lot still. I mean, since I sleep at the theater because I don't have an apartment or anything yet."

"I think that he wishes he was heard out, but he holds nothing against you, Porsha. He has told me himself that he thinks you deserve so much more than how you were being treated. You deserve better. I've had a similar talk with him, and you know what? He doesn't think it was your fault in any way. He actually blamed himself for a long time, thinking he simply should have phrased things better when he spoke to you. But in the end, Porsha, it all boils down to your dad. Jimmy was the only one at fault in that situation, and the only one that will ever be held responsible." Rosita stated surely.

"But if I hadn't said I was fired..." Porsha tried to say. "Why is he so nice to me? If I hadn't opened my big mouth he wouldn't have to feel scared all the time. I'm seen the way he reacts to my shadow when he doesn't know it's me yet. I don't get it."

"Buster loves you, dear. You are not your father, and he knows that just as well as I. You're sweet and kind and funny, you're nothing like him. Buster thinks of you as a daughter. So do I." Rosita assured, smiling sweetly the entire time, her expression soft and loving. Porsha gave her an adoringly little smile, brushing away the last of the tears. 

"I don't understand him sometimes." Porsha stated with a little laugh. "He's so nice to everyone, even when they treat him like some sort of ragdoll to toss around."

"He is very nice, isn't he? I think the only time I've really seen him truly angry is when Eddie started telling all his secrets from college."

Porsha couldn't help but feel better and laugh with Rosita as she said this. "That must have been pretty funny. I haven't met this mysterious Eddie yet, but I see Buster as the kind of guy who would ride a skateboard down a 500 step staircase, to be honest." the wolf giggled.

"I could see that…" Rosita began "…ending very badly. Buster's a master at doing dumb things. Most of us think of him as our chaotic theater dad, but I consider him as more of a brother who acts a bit like one of my kids." 

Porsha smiled, much happier now. "Do you think I could become a permenant part of this theater group? Maybe even have a home here in Calatonia? It's different but... I like it. It's peaceful." she hummed, ears perked forward. 

"Of course, Porsha! We all love having you around, it would be great to have you become a permenant addition. I could help you find a good place to live, too, by the way. I'm glad you like it here." 

"Thanks, Rosita. You're a really good mom." 

"And you're a great daughter."

[hollanderfangirl]

Nothing lasts forever |Harry Holland|

A/N: K, I wrote this for you. @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh congratulations on 1k!!! I wrote this through a writer's block so yeah not my best work

Warnings: angst, mentions of divorce, Harry being a dick

Word count: 3k

They say love conquers all. But it’s not that simple, is it? You meet, you fall in love, you think that love is enough and when things start to go downhill, you realise that it isn’t, after all. It’s the effort, time, circumstances, along with hundreds of other things. You make promises of being together forever but nothing lasts forever. Nothing. And when the promises break? You get your heart broken. But a heart that’s broken is a heart that’s been loved. How can something so perfect, something that brought you so much happiness, something you thought would be yours forever, go so wrong?

When you and Harry got married, everyone knew you were one of those couples who make you believe in ‘together forever’. You had met when you were teenagers and neither of you thought the relationship would last even six months. But there you were, seven years later, having the most extravagant wedding, vowing to never leave each other’s side and to support one another through it all.

The first two years of marriage was a honeymoon period, you both were having the best time of your lives, going on dates often, cooking together, falling asleep next to each other, you wondered how you even got so lucky. You joined him on most of his trips, you both travelled across the beautiful cities of Europe and America together and nothing else really mattered. You loved him more than anything in the world, and he loved you, what else did you need?

When your work was piling up, you knew that you had to go back, although neither of you wanted to leave each other. He was away from you more often, working on sets and filming his own movies, but you were quite used to it to say the least. Spending away nights of frustrations all alone, with no one there for you. But you didn’t complain, you could never do that. You could never stand in the way of Harry and his career.

Two years later, on Christmas Day, you held your daughter in your arms, a healthy and beautiful baby. You and Harry had never been more happy and overwhelmed.

“So what should we name her?” he asked you while gently rocking her to sleep.

“Noelle,” you smiled. “She really decided to make Christmas even more special”

Over the years, you were so proud of your little family, you would often look at Noelle and Harry, playing or reading together and the ‘father-daughter bonding time’ as Harry liked to call it. She was more fond of Harry than you, and that was why it was even harder for her than it was for you. You regretted it so many times, you didn’t want to give it all up, to give him up. But it was becoming so difficult, taking care of a small child all on your own, along with Harry acting like a child himself. It was far too much responsibility than you could handle. You loved him, you really did, but love is never enough.

Now you were cooking in the kitchen with Noelle sitting on the counter, reciting her lessons from school.

“But mommy! We have holidays coming up now!”

“Yes and you will have all the time to play and enjoy, ok?”

“And there’s something else too,” she giggled.

“Oh is it?” you pretend to think.

“Yes! It’s my birthday”

“That’s right, you’ll spend your birthday with grandma and grandpa and your uncles”

“Will daddy be there?”

“Hopefully yeah,” you sigh.

“Will you be there?”

“Of course, sweetie. Mommy would never miss your birthday party,” you pinch her cheeks.

“Why don’t you and daddy ever want to meet?” she speaks up after a minute.

“Baby… daddy and I…” you honestly didn’t know how to phrase it. “We just kind of don’t… talk anymore, you know?”

“Like Tina and me?”

“Yes, exactly like you and Tina”

“But you told me that I should not be angry at her and we should become friends again”

“That is for you, the thing between me and daddy is much more complicated”

“What does complicated mean?”

You chuckle, the questions never end.

You step out of the car into the bitter cold December wind in front of the Holland household. It had been a while since it had snowed this heavy, and you were worried if you would be able to drive in this weather.

“Here you go,” you say as you hand over Noelle to Sam.

“Gosh it’s so cold today, what are you even going to do?” he asks you.

“Go back to the office I don't really have anywhere to be”

“You're gonna work through Christmas? Take some time off, why don’t you stay with us?”

“Sam no-”

“Come on, y/n. How long will you keep avoiding him this way?”

“I- ”

“And what about Noelle’s birthday?”

“I’ll come and visit for a few hours on 25th”

“Y/n, this will always be your home too, with or without Harry. We would love to have you over for Christmas”

“Mommy please, I’m feeling cold out here,” Noelle says reaching out her tiny hands out to you from Sam’s arms.

“Okay fine,” you laugh.

As you get inside the house, Noelle jumps off from Sam and starts running into the house.

“Daddy!”

“Oh my little princess I’ve missed you!” you see Harry run from the living room, picking up Noelle and kissing her forehead. “How have you been? Have you been good? Otherwise who’s gonna get all the gifts?” he pretended to say in a childlike voice.

Your heart warmed up at the sight, your lips curling into a smile. It had been so long since you had seen the two of them reunited like this. Everytime you went to drop Noelle off at Harry’s house, you just waved from the car, not even caring about what happened afterwards.

He seemed a little surprised to see you there and you weren’t sure if it was a good surprise or not.

“Y/n… hi”

“Hey Harry”

“You um changed your hair”

“And you’re wearing the same old sweater”

“No this is a new sweater it’s uh-” he says trying not to continue with an awkward silence. “It’s the old sweater,” he shrugs, making you smile

"Y/n! What a surprise," Nikki calls you from the living room. "It's so nice to have you here over Christmas, everyone misses you so much"

You walk over to meet everyone as Noelle calls Sam to the side.

"Hmm what's up?" he asks the little girl.

"I know how mum and daddy can talk"

He lets out a laugh. "What? And why's that?"

"Mommy said that she and daddy don't talk anymore and that's the only problem. We just have to find a way for them to talk and become friends again"

"What's your plan, genius?"

And then she told him.

After dinner that night, you were sitting on the front porch with Sam. He was your friend, someone who you could always turn to. All of Harry's family was like that. When you both got divorced, you thought you would lose contact with the Hollands, you didn't want to lose them too because they were just like your own family but the bond didn't change, Sam helped you get through it, just like he helped Harry and he was the one who had tried to resolve things between you both.

"I still don't understand. You both were doing just fine, better than fine. All of you were so happy, what even happened?"

"Sam… Harry and I haven't even talked about what went wrong between us. Everytime we tried to talk, something came in between"

"Then talk now, you have plenty of time"

"How does it even matter now?"

"It does. I've seen how miserable you two are, you don't even want to see each other. I know you both still have something"

"We have Noelle," you say as a matter of factly.

"You know what I mean. You both love each other"

"See that's the thing with love. Love doesn't help me take care of a four year old all on my own, Sam. She misses him so much. She just keeps asking me when she'll get to see her father. He never made time for us"

"I know he's been a kind of a jerk"

You raise an eyebrow at him.

"Okay a big jerk, but he cares about you and Noelle. I'm not asking you to get back together but at least talk and resolve whatever beef you both have"

"We can't"

"Why?"

"It's just… I don't even know"

There was a long silence. If it was summer, you would have been hearing the crickets chirping but at this hour of a cold winter night, all you could hear was the faint distant noise of the faraway traffic.

"How about this, you both go out tomorrow, just for an hour or two, hang out, talk, just say whatever you had been holding in all this time"

"You're setting us up on a date?"

"Not a date. You both just need to talk, right? So you just need some alone time"

"Has Harry agreed to this?"

"He definitely would"

"No, it'll be too much. And what about Noelle?"

"What about her? We're all here to take care of her. You just go and talk this over"

You lay awake at night thinking about the happy times you had with Harry. How did things go so so wrong?

Two years earlier

"Harry, the opening ceremony is on Friday, it's huge for the company!"

"Yes I know, love. I really wish I could make it"

"What… do you mean?"

"I'll be leaving for Atlanta two days from now"

"But it's important to me and everyone will be asking for you"

"I'm so sorry, baby but I have to go"

"You've done a great job, y/n. Where's Harry? I'd love to meet him," your manager asks you at the after party of the opening ceremony.

"He couldn't make it tonight. He really wanted to be here"

"Where's your husband, miss y/l/n? This is such a big day for you!" another one of your colleagues asked you later that night.

"He's really disappointed he couldn't be here but duty calls," you tried to hide your loneliness and sadness through a smile.

"Y/n! I haven't seen Harry tonight…"

"How's the movie coming up?" you were talking to Harry at 2 in the morning, time zones were driving the both of you crazy.

"It's going great! The location is amazing, I think we could shoot the whole film here. I just wish you were here I miss you so much"

"I miss you too, just come back home," listening to his voice seemed to make you even lonelier.

"I will," you hear music playing in the background and the noise of people cheering and talking.

"What's happening there?"

"Ah they're throwing a party in my honour, it's been such a success-" you heard a woman laugh right beside him.

"So are you having a good time?"

"Yes I am I just-"

"Then you should go back to it. Bye"

"But y/n-"

You were still working when he came back from the airport and you immediately rushed home after you were free.

When you saw him, you felt as though you were seeing a stranger. He looked different and he felt different and he looked tired than ever. Nevertheless you jumped on him and hugged him tight, making sure he was real.

"Oh god I've missed you, more than you could ever know," he stroked your hair and kissed your forehead.

"Really? Then show me how much you've missed me," you say as you lead him into your shared bedroom.

"I'm so sorry I missed your opening, darling I really wanted to be there"

"It's alright, we have another celebration next month, you can meet everyone there"

"Oh I can't make it to that either, I have to get away again after three weeks"

"But you just came back! And Noelle is just two years old, how do you expect me to take care of her and go to work?"

"There's nothing I can do, y/n. The contracts have already been signed. This is my big break, it's important to me"

"And our marriage is not? Your daughter is not?"

"You both are the most important to me," he put his calloused hands on your cheeks. "But you knew this was what our life would be when you married me"

"Everything has changed since then, Harry. We have a child now and we're so happy here. Why do you have to go away halfway across the world for months"

"Nothing has changed. I still love you the same and our careers are still as important to us as before"

"You could have at least talked to me about this"

"Yes I'm sorry. Everything will be alright once I return, I just have to go now"

Harry couldn't focus on work that day. He just kept replaying the conversation he had with you before leaving.

'I can't lose her. I really can't," he thought. 'Oh my god I love her, I love her so much. We have to find a way to make this work'

And ten thousand miles away from him, you sat all alone on the bed, thinking, 'this will not work, we're so happy, why does he want to give all of this up?'

"We're not teenagers anymore, y/n. Now I want something and you want something else, our worlds are different"

"So we just let it go?"

"I'm not saying that we have to let anything go, but it's my career, y/n. For the first time in my life, things have finally started to move and I don't want to lose anything"

"Harry… I have always supported your career. I have always supported your dreams. But you can have everything you want right here with me and Noelle. You don't have to leave"

"You're not even trying to understand"

"I'm understanding everything. I can't do this anymore, I'm not another one of your fans, Harry. I can't just keep on chasing you like this"

"Ice skating? Really?" you say as you see the long sheet of ice that lay on the ground in front of you, there were only a few people as it was a cold day. Everyone was probably snuggled up in bed with some warm coffee rather than going out on a date with their ex husband.

"We can go somewhere else if you want, there's a restaurant-"

"No this is fine. After all Noelle chose it"

He helps you put on your skates and you both hold each other, trying not to lose balance until you reach the ice rink.

"Ah that's it," he lets go of your arm but still holds your hand in his.

"Wait what did you mean Noelle chose it?"

"You don't know your daughter, Mr Holland. She's grown up to be quite the matchmaker," you laugh.

"You remember how we used to come here?" you smile at the memories, you and Harry used to go ice skating almost every week in winters. Although neither of you were the best at it, you loved the times you spent falling and laughing and later on having hot chocolate in each other's arms.

"Yeah," he tries to hold your other hand as well. "You remember the Christmas Noelle was born? I miss taking her out ice skating"

"Of course I remember," you sigh. "Eighteen hours of labor, and I was alone. You couldn't even make it in time for the birth of your own daughter"

"She was supposed to be born in January, how could I have known she would come in so early?"

"Well you always have the excuses ready, don't you?"

"It's not an excuse, it's more of an explanation. The flights were all booked, I mean it was Christmas! And I did reach the hospital in time"

"You reached the hospital when she was all cleaned up and in my arms"

He stays silent for a few moments and then speaks, with a gentler tone. "Y/n I'm sorry, I really am"

"You always said that, yet you never did anything to understand what went wrong"

"I was just so caught up in my life, I mean… there was so much work. I know I didn't spend much time with you both and-"

"It wasn't even about spending time, Harry. The thing is, you were never there for us. When I needed you the most, you weren't there. Even your brother understood that I needed someone but you didn't. You're just so-" you choked on the words.

"I know, and all I can say is that I've messed up, big time. I know you can't forgive me"

"Oh I've forgiven you a long time ago, Harry"

His hair was all messed up from the wind, going wild in all directions like a crown on his head. His nose and cheeks were turning red from the cold and all you wanted in that moment, was just kiss him. You wanted to feel his cold lips on yours until they turned warm. You wanted to hold his hair in your fingers, you wanted to touch him, you wanted to feel him. You wanted everything you once had. You wanted him back.

"I remember everything about you, you know?" he spoke up. "How can I ever forget? I remember how much you loved reading and how you hated it when I left my clothes on the floor. And how you keep your socks on during sex"

"You just had to bring that up" you roll your eyes and laugh.

"The thing is, I love you. I always have, even now when we're.... over, I still love you. I never got over you"

"Harry-"

"Y/n, what we had, it was something else. You're… the only woman I've actually ever loved in my life"

"And you're the only one who I've loved in my life. But we can't go back now"

"Why? Why can't we give it another chance? Give us another chance?"

"It didn't work the first time, why do you think it'll work now?"

"I don't. But I'm miserable without you and we're different now. I've lost you once and I'll never make you feel like I'm busy for you, ever again"

"Are you sure? I'm tired, Harry. I'm so tired, I really cannot go through this if everything goes wrong again"

"It won't. I promise you, let's give us another chance, please?"

You looked into his eyes and you knew the answer.

*･ﾟﾟ･*:｡:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　　

🌻

Taglist

@mischiefmanaged011 @notsosmexy @drie-the-derp @justanothermarvelmaniac @amorhollands @thisetaernallove @calltothewild @fancyxparker @peterspideysstuff @musicalkeys @theliterarymess @hollands-weasley @tommysparker @god-knows-what-am-i-doing @parkerpeter24 @more-like-reyna @hollandbroz-n-haz @aqiise @sarcasticallywitty15 @spiderrrling @theonly1outof-a-billion

[aries-writes-shit]

I'm gonna be completely honest here; Likely going to info dump/ramble excessively, high possibility of it including personal issues, fair warning.

To put it as simply as I can:

Romantic or platonic is fine

I am demi-pan(or omni)romantic, not looking to have biological kids for personal reasons also honestly I don't know how much gender would affect my attraction. I just find people pretty and am vibin. Usually I just say I am of the ace/bi spectrum.

I identify as female, going by she/they, gender neutral pronouns I just think should be normalized as a default when you don't explicitly know and even then be respectful.

I've driven myself into excessive isolation leading to being easily overwhelmed even if it's given certain tasks as I am forgetful and need explicit instructions as I believe I'm a visual learner but to be more specific things need to be explicitly spelled out for me a majority of the time. It's often a tedious process as well as me getting overwhelmed when put on the spot even if it's saying what I want to eat or even retrieving the food myself even in my own home.

But I need excessive time in retreating to isolation which consists me usually pacing around the kitchen, specific I know but even in other environments like hotels I often pace the kitchen space even if it's very small, and indulging myself in maladaptive daydreaming fueled by music to which I normally speak/mumble out loud, do random stuff with my hands animatedly which I don't always do when actually indulging in conversation with others, or just dancing late at night with my highly inconsistent and likely unhealthy sleep schedule of which I am nocturnal at this point. I do also sing a bit though I need another voice to go off of in feeling more comfortable in harmonizing with others.

I find interest in psychological subjects which I love to share with others if I hopefully am no bother so it's a mutually exchanged topic others can indulge in as well. Also I am a sucker for depth in stories tied to characters, development, details no matter if it's very small or if it is significant to the story or it's characters themselves.

I also am iffy about exchange of material items, though I do love specific silverware, cups, trays, the occasional jewelry (I favor rings or bracelets I guess? Necklaces sorta) if it means something to a close individual, and other small trinkets for me to admire or put to use.

My love language is quality time but what I love most is unapologetic, unfiltered, mutual conversation. With my tendency to overshare a lot of things despite my insecurities and hesitance I don't just want a listener. I want them to be invested as well. I myself do often put myself in the listener role though and am referred to as one's local counselor sometimes.

Very much radiating the burnt out gifted kid and mommy/daddy issues vibe because I've had enough trauma and damaged self worth from it but it's mostly inflicted upon myself rather than from others or in being inthe bystander/observing role or in being neglected. I grew up praised and spoiled really, even now referred to as such in my family, but in the present it overwhelms me and if anything I'd rather not do anything for others and them do nothing for me and in dismissing my existence.

Honestly I've developed a toxic mentality against myself, even being aggressive in trying to validate or dismiss issues involving myself alone.

I've made progress including ditching a habit of mine I've had all my life through sheer power of will and have stopped excessively apologizing for laughing as I find it annoying to some extent, though not as much anymore which is good. Though I will apologize for laughing when by myself and when breaking down in tears I end up having a personal therapy session in uncertainty about turning to someone else even though I am very open about my issues. I have no problem sharing information, I just overthink how it's recieved or if it's dismissed and insignificant so why try? Of course I'm also a hypocrite and validate others, trying to do so for myself gradually though it can be hard and becomes an aggressive battle mentally.

But yeah I usually put myself in the supporting role for others including friends and family even though I myself am the youngest to some extent.

I try to encourage a space of comfort and validation for others and as emotionally assertive or reassuring/validating I can be, often turning heartfelt though significantly more blunt and assertive, I also have crackhead energy sometimes to be honest. Often with strange mental conversations or comments spewing out, a significant questioning being related to society. People confuse, frighten, or entertain me a majority of the time.

Anyways yeah to put it simply (and sorry to go on a long tangent and apologies if I contradicted myself or if I sounded repetitive);

Chaotic individual of the ace/bi spectrum that is highly emotional with abandonment issues, familial trauma, high insecurities related to my mere existence, and I obviously ramble a l o t.

A (not so) few other details; compared to some of the giants I am a small marshmallow (not too fluffy but kinda-) standing at around 5'2" with an internal inferno of emotions I currently withhold inside me and instead giggling excessively or spilling tears when I get emotional. Or aggressively cussing but that's usually by myself, but I am a bit clumsy and forgetful overall. Also my sleep schedule is a total mess of which I may have previously mentioned and I have significant words and phrases taking up the majority of my vocabulary I put to use in writing or conversing. Also I can get significantly fired up about topics related to terrible parenting, terrible people in general, unnecessary gendered stereotypes and objects for no reason what so ever, and in validating others. Also I am a forgetful mess as I've stated I believe two other times. I can forget a topic entirely midsentence or go on tangents about unrelated topics while having originally interrupted myself. Also last minute note/s, I wear glasses and often joke about being blind as hell and needing my access to sight. And regarding what I wear I typically avoid branded material cuz of my unreasonable insecurities, and I go for more subtle things of black/blue but I do have other options. I just mainly go for subtle/reserved in appearance that's comfortable for me and I typically wear jeans and just- sneakers or crocs for the indoors. Also I can imagine the slight possibility of me snagging tops from my partner if they didn't mind, an example of me wearing other's things typically being my dad's shirts on occasion and the rare item of my mom's originally or my older sister.

Yep definitely went off, sorry if this is overwhelming or if it includes a ton of unnecessary details :')

Don't stress yourself especially at my expense please—

Sorry it took so long, heres your match!

C!Philza

Oh no, look the old man adopted another kid /s

This man raised two boys on his own, hes so ready to help you if you become overwhelmed

Learns what you order so you dont have to talk to the cashier if you dont want to

If you need to pace, he will step back and let you do your thing

Checking in occasionally to make sure your alright

Will definitely try and make you have a healthy sleep schedule

Will definitely listen to you rant about any topic you start to rant about

Its healthy to get things like that off your chest