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davids-cartoon-corkboard · 4 years

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I have said a Lot about the “Raph is a system” theory over the past several months, so this is something of a compilation post. It’s got some new stuff, it’s got some old stuff. (You’re reading Part 1) (Part 2 is here) (Part 3 is here)

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Firstly, “system” is the term for someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder, or DID. (The term can also apply to some folks with OSDD.) Someone might develop DID after experiencing long-term trauma at an early age- roughly five or six years old. To paraphrase the DSM-V:

1. We’ve seen three (possibly four) distinct personality states who speak, act, and perceive others differently.

2. The personality states, or “alters”, don’t necessarily share memory, and Donnie insinuated in “The Clothes Don’t Make the Turtle” that Raph has a bad memory in general.

3. Problems arise when alters don’t get along or aren’t on the same page. That none of them seem to be quite aware they’re a system doesn’t help either; it’s hard to work on communication and cooperation when you don’t know they need to be worked on!

4. This whole situation isn’t a normal part of a broadly accepted cultural or religious practice, or just Raph playing make-believe. (Though I wonder if he had “imaginary friends” when he was younger...)

5. It’s also not because Raph’s been smoking the devil’s lettuce or whatever. “Pizza Puffs” was one long weed joke and he was the only one “sober” (not poisoned) throughout! We don’t see this happen to other mutants, so it’s not a bizarre side effect of mutagen either.

(I’ve seen a few people joke that Mikey has “multiple personalities”, but that’s a tad yikesy and also just plain incorrect. His “doctor” personas are something he does deliberately, and youngest siblings are just Like That.)

So yeah, Raph is pretty heavily DID-coded. We’ve seen four alters so far:

“Host” Raph (HR): He’s our everyday Raph. A “host” is an alter who fronts most of the time and takes care of “business as usual” situations. They are often unaware of past traumatic events, such that they can appear “normal”. (Ex: the host of a child who lives with an abusive parent could be unaware of the abuse. Otherwise, they might cry or be uncooperative whenever the parent is near, further invoking their wrath. This unawareness allows them to be a “good child”, and stay under the parent’s radar sometimes.) Some systems have more than one host, but that the others have shown up so rarely in this story suggests HR is the only host (for now?).

Savage Raph (SR): Debuting in “Man vs. Sewer”, he’s a survival-oriented alter. HR probably could have defeated the Sando Brothers on his own under normal circumstances, but being in the middle of a breakdown doesn’t do much for your fighting skills. SR got pulled to the front to deal with them instead.

“Red” Raph (RR): “Red” is just a placeholder since we don’t actually know his name yet (or even if he has one, not all alters do), though I’ve also heard folks call him “Angel”. He’s got a “tough love” approach to problem-solving, which was probably a helpful thing in the past. LDM were no doubt rowdy children! We were (officially) introduced to him in “Pizza Puffs”.

Mind Raph (MR): MR could just be a manifestation of HR's thought process via Cartoon Goofery, but that possibility doesn’t give me anything to work with so I’m ignoring it. He’s pretty similar to HR, maybe a tad more upbeat. We (officially) met him in “Raph’s Ride-Along”.

When “Pizza Puffs” first aired, I was like “ah yes, this is the alter who has the cranky edgelord tendencies we’ve seen in previous iterations of Raph. He probably broods on rooftops in the rain when he’s in a bad mood.” Combining that with the whole “Red Angel” thing gives off some Batman vibes. And, of course, SR is similar to the Hulk. Those two heroes are pretty different, but they do have one major thing in common...

A sudden, violent loss. Given how prevalent rushing water is throughout “Man vs. Sewer”, I’m thinking a flood came through and separated Raph from his family. (You could probably argue that turbulent water symbolizes a turbulent subconscious? 🤷) Again, DID stems from long-term trauma, so Raph must have been gone for... a while. A couple of months, maybe more? It’s hard to say exactly; we have a little wiggle room when applying human developmental psychology to a human/turtle mutant. Since Splinter still needed to care for the other three, he wouldn’t have been able to devote much time to searching for Raph, and the New York City sewers go on for miles and miles. The longer Raph was alone, the more convinced he would have been that the others had drowned and he was the only survivor.

How old would he have been? I know the turtles are “different ages”, but they were all mutated at the same time so I’m pretty sure Splinter was just like “the littlest one is the youngest, the biggest one is the oldest, and the medium-sized ones are the middle children.” They’re all probably fourteenish by “Finale”. Back in “MvS”, Leo said, “You know how savage Raph gets when he’s alone”. He didn’t say anything like, “You know how savage Raph gets when he’s alone ever since such-and-such an incident happened”. This suggests that LDM straight-up don’t know something traumatic happened to Raph; they were too little to retain concrete memories of that time. In their minds, Raph has always been like this. Draxum isn’t known for his patience, so even though he wasn’t able to immerse the hatchlings in mutagen for long, they probably mature a bit faster than humans. And since humans usually can’t remember anything from before four years of age, three sounds about right for the turtles, though they would have been stronger and steadier on their feet than any human toddler. I doubt Raph would have survived otherwise.

I think he’s sort of... “stuck” back in that trauma. Catching food, building a fire, making a weapon, and getting camouflage aren’t the behaviors of someone who’s only been gone for a few minutes.

When SR called for help, I don’t think he was expecting anyone to answer.

But Raph did manage to hang onto something as he was swept away! It wasn’t much, but that little ragdoll gave him comfort while he was scared and alone.

(The rabbit design on Bruce’s pajamas is probably a coincidence, but...)

Raph seems the type to have sympathy for odd-looking toys. His knockoff Mrs. Cuddles plushie was the emotional crutch he needed back then.

And then he was separated from that as well. Lowkey associating Mrs. Cuddles with this traumatic event would explain why HR was so scared of her. That he doesn’t remember the trauma means he has no context for this fear, making it seem silly and baseless to him (and to the rest of his family), which is why he denied being scared at all in the first part of the “Mrs. Cuddles” episode. It would also explain why he collects teddy bears instead these days, they are a “safe” toy. (The moral of the story is to not make fun of triggers that seem silly.)

(I wonder what would happen if Mrs. Cuddles encountered Savage Raph? Perhaps he’d be quite sympathetic towards such a lonely little raggedy thing! Timestuck as he is, he probably wouldn’t question why a stuffed animal can talk... and it wouldn't be hard for her to persuade her “new bestest fwiend” to get rid of some “mean ol’ nasty sewew monstews” for her.)

That whole “sewer monsters” thing suggests Raph ran into... something while he was wandering alone. Y’all have heard those rumors about alligators living in the New York City sewers, right? Encountering Leatherhead could trigger a flashback.

It would be pretty easy to introduce Leatherhead into the narrative. One of the episodes the Rise crew had planned was titled “The Island of Dr. Noe”, and alligators have very impressive teeth. The Mirage comics had a story where Leatherhead and several cryptids were brought to an island to be hunted for sport.

Noe seems to have quite a few cronies/friends/rivals he could entertain this way. Since he’s got that obsession with Raph, Noe captures him as well, knocking him out with those darts so he can’t waste his energy trying to escape too soon. (Let’s just assume everyone’s powers are glitchy because they all hit another wave of puberty, meaning they can’t just curbstomp the lower-level villains lol.)

HR wakes up on the island and, of course, starts to panic because he’s lost and alone. While wandering, he runs into Leatherhead, which would trigger a flashback to getting attacked by that alligator all those years ago. But Leatherhead doesn’t want to fight! He’s just as scared and confused as HR is, and could really use a partner to help him survive this island.

HR and SR come into conflict because Leatherhead is/isn’t/is/isn’t/is/isn’t a threat. HR eventually wins out, reasoning that even if Leatherhead is that alligator, it wouldn’t be fair to judge him for what he did back when he was an animal.

But time and dissociation can make memories unclear. That our first look at Leatherhead was in Draxum’s “bluh bluh I’m gonna mutate all the humans” bit in “Bug Busters” means he’s a human-base mutant. He wasn’t the alligator back then, but the hunter tracking it. Leatherhead isn’t one of Noe’s targets, he is one of Noe’s guests! And he wants no one to interfere with his quarry, so he’ll play nice long enough for him and the snapper to take out the rest of the hunters and the freaks. Then the two of them will have the island all to themselves...

Years and years ago, Jack Marlin was a big game hunter prowling the New York City sewers in search of an alligator. He did manage to find and kill one, only to realize it had also been hunting! He had inadvertently saved the strangest little turtle creature.

Marlin had become too skilled at this point, the hunt held no challenge for him. This turtle sounded very young, and he was quite big and strong already. An adult could be tough and intelligent enough to entertain him. Marlin tried to get Raph to lead him back to “the others”. But Raph had been lost for some time, and as far as he knew, his family was dead. Hearing that put Marlin in quite the sour mood. A little mutant snapper is a better catch than none at all, so Marlin tried to haul Raph off. Raph fought back and bit off Marlin’s hand. He escaped, but lost his rabbit in the scuffle. Marlin retreated as well, taking some time to recover, scheme, and hunt other game. (And to pocket that rabbit. The blood loss had made him woozy, and he wanted to have some kind of proof he hadn’t just hallucinated the snapper.) Perhaps he turned that alligator’s hide into a vest, which provided the genetic material for his mutation when he eventually got bit by an oozesquito. Like his Mirage counterpart, Marlin didn’t take losing a limb as a sign he should retire, and instead got a tricked-out prosthetic. Who knows what he could do with it in such a mystic setting as Rise.

Raph eventually reunited with his family, but those distrustful, high-strung survivalist traits he had picked up weren’t helpful anymore. He once again had to be the good and patient big brother who didn’t bite when someone play-tackled him or shook him awake at three in the morning because they’d had a nightmare. Those two states gradually got partitioned off more and more, and now they know little, if anything, about each other.

So Leatherhead and HR are chasing away some mothmen or whatever, and things are going pretty well... until one of them knocks Leatherhead over and a familiar ragdoll rabbit falls out of his pocket. SR realizes that Leatherhead is Marlin and switches in to fight him off again. They’re evenly matched, or perhaps SR is even in danger of losing, when LDM arrive to provide support. Leatherhead is enough of a tactician to know that he should retreat. Donnie and Mikey pursue him while Leo stays behind, placing the rabbit in his stunned brother’s hands. “Remember when Pops made this for you? You were always really gentle with it, ‘cause he wasn’t good at sewing back then...”

(This thing really needs patching up, he’s got sewing stuff for whenever he needs to fix his bears/Blue isn’t a threat on his own/Wasn’t he just back at the lair?/Blue gave back the rabbit/Why does he feel like he got hit by a train?/Blue doesn’t want to fight?/ ...Leo?) And that’s enough for HR to switch back in. He’s probably missing memory from his whole time on the island, so while Leo does his best to tell him what happened, they don’t have enough puzzle pieces between them to truly figure out what's going on.

They defeat the bad guys, release the cryptids, save the day, etc. (Leatherhead managed to lose Donnie and Mikey in the woods. A battle for another day.) Once they return to the lair, HR gets help from Draxum to modify the memory spell from “E-Turtle Sunshine” so he can try to fill in the gaps. Surely he wouldn’t get rejected by his own subconscious... right?

Cue part three in the saga of Raph Punches Himself In The Face. SR isn’t happy that HR is essentially trying to poke at an improperly-healed wound, and attempts to chase him off. HR assumes that SR is just a psychic white blood cell like the Lou Jitsu constructs in Splinter’s mind, and retaliates.

But, of course, fighting is not the answer here. All that accomplishes is giving the body bruises. Eventually HR realizes “stay away” and “back off” are a little different than “get out”, and that SR is just scared. So HR tries another tactic. Over the following days and weeks, he tunes in to calmer memories and just sort of... talks. About what happened yesterday, about his teddy bear collection, about how he finally managed to get a good picture of that pizza pigeon. It takes a while to establish a connection, and even then, it’s spotty at best. Using the spell too much can cause headaches and nightmares. There are days when SR is nearby, and days when he’s not there at all. But he shows up when he can.

And then there’s awkward, stilted conversation and questions neither of them know how to answer and questions neither of them want to answer and more scrapes and bruises and strained silences and apologies, but they finally, finally reach a compromise. SR still doesn’t let HR near those memories, but he tells HR what happened as best he can. (The audience would see those memories, with SR as a voiceover.) Afterwards, HR still visits the mindscape that’s starting to become more solid. They talk some more, they watch light and shadow flow around them, they listen to half-forgotten lullabies on scratchy old cassette tapes. Eventually, HR doesn’t even need to use the memory spell, meditation is enough.

They’ll never get along all the time. But it’s a start.

(SR is going to be so clingy when it finally clicks for him when he finally lets himself believe that his family is alive.)

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This took eight million years lmao. Parts 2 and 3 will come out eventually, they’ll focus more on MR and RR. Let me know if I need to tag this stuff as anything.

The usual disclaimer applies, I am not a system or a mental health professional so if you’re one or both of those things then feel free to give me some of that good good constructive criticism.

#you called for help... but nobody came.#rottmnt #rottmnt theory #the 'raph is a system' theory #rottmnt raph #savage raph #mrs. cuddles #leatherhead #jack marlin #plot bunnies free to a good home lmao #long post

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robotslenderman · 4 years

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Eternal Hearts Liveblog: Part 4: Chapter 7-8

An actual thing I told a friend when I started this draft: “These chapters have been a real let down in comparison [to the face-sitting/dick-key-ring guy chapter]. Altho I’m on the necrophilia chapter now so things are looking up!”

And we start off with a body in the trunk.

RIP Charley.

Don’t worry, he’s not the body involved with the necrophilia, because it wouldn’t be problematic enough otherwise.

WARNING: DEAD DOVE, DO NOT EAT! This a liveblog of Eternal Hearts, which is a book that got de-canoned about a week after publication for good fucking reason!

Today’s warnings are: Necrophilia, necrophiliac rape (”but Dusty, isn’t necrophilia by definition rape?” buddy I didn’t say the corpse was the one not consenting. This is, like, rape squared), fridged WLWs (I wish that was the worst thing that happened to this particular WLW), me pretending Sascha Vykos has a period kink until Lucy refuses to let me lie to myself any longer (it makes sense in context. Unfortunately), corrective rape mention, and the current chew toy of the universe getting kidnapped after we know somebody’s been hinting about wanting to rape her (not Becca).

Yeah it’s rape all the way down.

This chapter is worse than usual. At least dick keyring guy was funny, this chapter’s just...

dear fucking god shoot me now. “The necrophilia chapter” does not prepare you for what is coming (it’s not me. I’m not coming. I’m as dry as the Sahara)

Godspeed, you poor bastard. May god welcome you through the Pearly Gates, although I’m not sure Heaven exists in this shitty shitty universe.

Oh yeah and he wants to murder Becca, clearly.

Trust me, Lucy. WE KNOW. Dude’s gotten laid twice and all he can think about is his sister and it’s the only way he can get off, ewwwww.

Like -- full disclosure? Brother/sister incest, when consensual, has never really fazed me at all. There’s way sicker shit out there (see: this entire fucking novel) than two adults consensually fucking and I really don’t care. “Ooooh, they’re ~*~SIBLINGS~*~, aren’t I an edgelord?” no man I honestly don’t give a shit.

But there’s that, and then there’s... this.

Touching David’s dick or being forced to touch his dick is gross no matter how distant you both are in the gene pool.

Poor Becca. Poor, poor Becca.

Jesus fucking Christ. Do I really need to comment on this one?

David reminisces on his first rapes of Becca. He uses the word “nymphet” which, if you’re well read enough, you’ll recognise as the same word Humbert Humbert uses to describe Dolores in Lolita, specifically a word that he used to describe sexually attractive (to him, mind) ~13YOs.

So he raped her that night and ofc he thought she liked it (which is why he’s calling it “rape”, obviously). Loud sigh. And we get descriptions of the rapes -- Becca takes escalating precautions to protect herself up until she threatens him with a knife, at which point the rapes stop. Because nothing says “I wanna have sex with you” like locking your door and threatening your bro with a knife.

So he’s raped her three times.

Now he wants revenge for her telling Emmet to check him into rehab. Specifically, revenge with his dick.

So David goes to Becca’s house, presumably to rape her, because that’s all he can fucking think about. He is hyperfocused on this bullshit.

Luckily for both Becca, there’s nobody there. Except the girlfriend, who’s dead, because the poor fuck got stuck in a room with Sascha fucking Vykos. And a creepy AF vampire.

(David briefly fantasises about Emmet and Becca banging each other bc... Reasons I guess???)

Anyway, David breaks in and meets a creepy vampire.

Look, let me tell you upfront here, spoilers galore: the Eternal Hearts wiki page lied. This isn’t actually Isabel, it’s Sascha, even though “Isabel” hears a sound and calls out to “Sascha”, thinking it’s Sascha, because of... idk, Reasons???

Look, consistency isn’t this book’s strong point, okay?

Anyway they’re Sascha Vykos, not Isabel, but we don’t actually find that out ‘til chapter nine. So Sascha’s hanging out there, pretending to be Isabel, and is like “ohh hey, I heard a noise, is it... ME???”

Oh yeah, and “Isabel” has beheaded Becca’s girlfriend and is drinking the blood out of the severed head like an edgelord.

I’m choosing to believe that Sascha Vykos brought a blood bag over to indulge a period kink and that the blood between their thighs has nothing to do with the severed head they were just sucking on.

(Blame the author, not me, I’m just the fucking messenger.)

Saschabel starts masturbating. With their fingers. I think it’s really important to stress that they’re using their fingers, given what’s coming up later.

They know David is watching, they’re taunting him. They also think the poor corpse is Becca and are like “hey why don’t you eat me out and taste your sister’s blood?” because Saschabel just HAPPENED TO HAVE A BLOOD BAG IN IT WITH BECCA’S BLOOD LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU

Even David is like “yeah, no.” And also has a surprising amount of sense:

And then:

BLOOD BAGS ARE GREAT FOR PERIOD KINKS AM I RIGHT

Aaaaand then Saschabel grabs the severed head and then starts --

AAAUGH

OH GOD

WHY

WHYYYYYYYY

There goes the blood bag/period kink idea. God fucking DAMN IT. You couldn’t let me just HAVE THIS for ONCE, could you, Eternal Hearts?!?!

David realises that the corpse isn’t Becca because its (her? fuck) tits aren’t big enough. Also he has a huge boner. Saschabel has noted this fact.

Saschabel also somehow knows that David wants to bone his sister, because...??? idk. Auspex or something.

and uh

then David starts making out with them.

?????????????????????????????????????????

because what Saschabel was just doing was... really hot? yeah nothing turns David on like corpsefucking I guess. And also lapping up the blood on Sascha’s stomach. dear god dude you’re not even a vampire what the fuck you’ve got NO EXCUSE.

David is about to screw Saschabel senseless but Saschabel is like “lol, no, you’re gonna do the corpse first.”

David is like WHAT.

Saschabel is like “(:” and also makes a pun about heads.

Honestly that terrible pun is the most tasteful part of this whole chapter.

(Actually no, scratch that, Saschabel compares David’s expression to an “untipped waiter” and that is genuinely funny. Dude’s about to be raped by proxy with a corpse and his reaction is compared to an untipped waiter.)

(Yeah that isn’t funny at all but look, if I don’t laugh I’ll cry so I’m choosing to laugh.)

David finally gives in to Saschabel’s threats and goes to town and we get to hear about it in sordid detail, which I will spare you. And thankfully, after an explicit couple of paragraphs, we cut to chapter fucking eight!

Thank. Fucking. CHRIST.

This chapter introduces us to Tony, who is a vampire hunter because he’s an adrenaline junky.

Tony daydreams about his guns, then gets horny:

Dude don’t fuck your prey, that’s just --

I changed my mind, fuck your prey as much as you like, it’s gonna be less rapey than this insinuation because at least if you rape a vampire they’ll rape you right back so we won’t feel as gross.

We cut to Odette, the woman Tony is thinking rapey thoughts about, who’s tailing Lucita and thinking about how she could run like hell right now if she wanted.

(PLEASE, RUN. RUNNN. RUN FAR AWAAAAAY)

And then she gets a flashback about being raped by a camp counselor, because... idk why not ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This is actually really sad, because Odette is absolutely torn about running away from Victoria -- wanting to be free, but also too scared to leave, and too devoted to Victoria to leave. And also Victoria’s clearly been using Auspex on her, and Odette is scared of her mind reading powers.

Lucita seems to spot Odette, and turns around and heads towards her. But before she can reach Odette:

I presume this is Tony, the guy who wants to rape her.

Poor fucking goddamn Odette.

End chapter eight!

#Eternal Hearts liveblog #Eternal Hearts cw because like... if I listed all the warnings again we'd be here ALL DAY #and possibly I'd get the FBI overreaching their jurisdiction just to make me STOP #please kill me #wait actually #given what happened in chapter seven I'd just rather you didn't #I'll make do with a coma or something #VTM #Eternal Hearts #oh god that was horrible #rape cw #I can't believe I forgot to add that Jesus

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gingus-doon · 4 years

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It's ask time! How about thoughts on the Yabusame siblings? ( by the way, I always love hearing your thoughts on this game! they honestly make my day. <3)

i'll talk about them separately first, then together! so i hope you don't mind if this gets a little long (＾ᴗ＾)

(update after writing this– it got quite long LOL so i'm gonna put it under a read more—)

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first, alice– i think he's great!! himbo extraordinaire, how could ya not like him :'D i've probably ranted about this before (read: in the tags earlier today lol) but i just love how much of a softie he is. it's especially apparent by how hard he tries to come off as this intimidating lone wolf figure lol. it's funny, because with his muscle and prisoner uniform (as well as actually being a murderer lol) he succeeds on that and comes off as untrustworthy despite being just a softhearted fool 😔 he'll be all like "you fools!!! you can't make allies in a death game!" and all that edgelord junk, insult sara brashly and then feel VERY bad about it as soon as she started fake crying. it's so immediately un-intimidating and i love that lmao. and how COWARDLY he is, despite being a pretty big dude. i think he doesn't perceive himself as intimidating, as some of the moments in his ytts events suggest (i'm specifically referring to when he meets mishima and is like Yikes! and then at the end mishima's like "appearances can really be deceiving huh" and alice is like "?!!??" LIKE SJDHDJ I LOVE THAT DYNAMIC FOR THEM, poor them having that issue 😭😭)

i wouldn't consider him one of my favorites but i appreciate him very much <3

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okay, now reko– REKO'S CHARACTER FALLS INTO ONE OF MY FAVOURITE TROPES!! angry punk woman is always good（⌒▽⌒）but i also love how caring she is, an even better trope than Chaotic Angery™ is Chaotic Angery with a soft spot!!! it's very good of her and mwah i just love her.

i also think it's interesting that this more caring aspect of herself came out after alice's incarceration and that it seems to have been largely hidden from him throughout their lives?? in the flashbacks when they were kids, she seems fairly nice, but alice describes her as cold when they were adults, and he loves her so much that i trust his opinion. i really wonder what's up with that !! i don't know if i'm forgetting something that implied the cause of this harshness towards him but i'd really like to know ;; (i may be forgetting or misremembering some things, the only part of the game i've played recently is chap 3 and never with reko sjdhd)

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it's also kinda nice how reko seems to outgrow the conventional morality thing she has going on? because she pushes alice away entirely on the basis of his murder, and that murder was very likely justifiable given that it was of the Bastardest Bastard. perhaps if alice told her the circumstances under which it'd happen, she'd understand, but alice condemned himself as harshly as (if not more than) reko so he wouldn't try to reach out to her when she was already pulling away. regardless though, reko seems to hold the general opinion that you can't just like, kill people, even if they're bad! but then she goes apeshit on rio after he kills alice so i appreciate that lol. though i'm a little upset that there's no epic cg of reko trying to whoop his ass :' we were robbed…..

robbery aside tho, i love reko!! she is one of my favourites and i'm sad that she's logical route bc that probably means she's not going to be part of the good ending (assuming there is one and that it's emotional lol)

ok so now i'm gonna talk about both of them together so this is gonna be sad. IT'S SUCH A TRAGEDY THAT THERE WAS NO OPPORTUNITY FOR THEM TO JUST BE SIBLINGS AND GOOF AROUND?? THAT MAKES ME SO SAD, I WANT THOSE INTERACTIONS THE MOST !! 😭😭 i don't know if we're gonna get them in ytts either since there is still that unresolved tension but i hope we get a taste of it! they're just both so dumb and i wanna see em be happy and just have a good time together 😭 also, reko seemed more like the leader of their duo when they were younger and i think that's a nice dynamic! it sounds endearing. reko seems like the one to say "come on bro!! let's go ___!!!!" and alice seems like he'd just listen to her, and then they'd get up to some shenanigans lol. like i could see reko getting them into a barfight HSHHDJSBSJHD. but i could also see her taking him to an abandoned building and just having a heart to heart after exploring like little kids :'D

oof, and, one of the things that hurt me most in the game was the bongos saga? i genuinely thought getting the bongos was gonna have them make up!! but then after the room of lies thing with reko happened, it dawned upon me that the real reko would not be there to receive them– not just the real reko, but a reko who had gotten a little closer to working out her feelings about alice's murder and was kinder than the one alice recalled. IT FUCKING BROKE MY HEART TO SEE HIM REJECTED LIKE THAT… i was just like "i'm not even an alice stan but i'm abt to cry right now." AND THE SHITTY TIMING OF REKO'S ABDUCTION….!! LIKE GRRR NANKIDAI WHY'D YOU DO THAT 😭😭 IT'S GENIUS BUT I WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY !

a lot of my feelings on characters and relationships in this game boil down to "i just want them to be happy!!! let them be happy!!" so the way only one or the other can survive makes me sad ;; though, i am interested in seeing how (and if, maybe) saving alice turns out to be the better choice, since it is the emotional one. it probably has more to do with the dolls' relationship to humans than alice himself but still lol. and they did get at least a little reconciliation in the end, so that's nice and good.

sorry this got so long!! thank u for the ask and for ur kind words anon (＾∇＾)

#your turn to die #reko yabusame #alice yabusame #yttd reko #yttd alice #i hope u weren't looking for anything cool like a theory lol #this is just me rambling abt the yabusames 😌😌#kimi ga shine

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vikingpoteto · 4 years

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the curse of cousin Chad

Read on AO3

______________________

Relationships: GEN. Tim Drake & Jason Todd & Stephanie Brown

Summary: Tim Drake's only wish is for people to stop talking about Red Robin on the news (and a monkey's paw finger curls somewhere as Chad Wayne shows up in their lives.)

________________________

Red Robin had been better, but he had been worse too.

After Batgirl helps him sit down, he stops for a second and decides that he probably doesn’t have any broken bones, just more than a few bruises forming. Batgirl all but falls by his side, exhausted, and judging by the groan she lets out she must be just as sore. Still, she extends her fist for a bump and he grins as he obliges.

“Well, no one got shot or stabbed, so that’s a win on my book,” Red Robin says.

“That and we put away a dangerous gang that had been terrorizing the locals for months,” she reminds him.

“Yeah, that too.”

He glances around and decides the building they chose is tall enough that they can relax for a bit. He pulls down his cowl. Tim lets out a long relieved sigh when the cold night air touches his face. Batgirl follows his cue, even if she struggles with her hair for a bit to do so. The two of them let their legs dangle from the edge of the rooftop, unbothered by the height, their gazes on the sky.

Heavy footsteps approach the young vigilantes from behind, but neither Tim nor Steph worries, because they’re familiar with the sound. As expected, a third vigilante soon enough takes the spot by Steph’s other side, his helmet already under his arm and his face mask free.

“You two look really beaten considering you weren’t fighting alone tonight,” Jason says.

Steph flips him off.

Tim rolls his eyes. “There were a lot of weaklings, okay? Sometimes that’s more annoying than one strong guy.”

“If you say so.”

“How about your night?” Steph asks casually.

“Kicked some ass, shot the kneecaps of the most stubborn ones. All in a night’s work.”

They nod and resume watching the sky for a brief peaceful moment. So high above they can barely hear the sounds of sirens and late night traffic on the streets.

Then Steph sits up so fast she almost slips down the edge. Tim and Jason grab her shoulders by reflex and pull her back at the same time.

Ignoring the fact that she almost died, Steph shouts: “What time is it?”

“Hm... about 2am?” Tim checks his wrist pad. “Yeah, 2:35.”

“Oh my God!” She groans, pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes. “We missed the countdown by, like, a lot! How did we not hear the fireworks?”

“Gunshots?” Jason suggests.

“Fireworks and gunshots don’t sound the same, we all know the difference.”

Tim rolls his eyes, because this is so them. Of course they’d miss the start of the new year because they were busy fighting crime. Steph and Tim were even planning on going to WE’s New Year’s party together after what was supposed to be a super quick patrol, just to stop a few muggers, really . Tim is glad they did, even if Lucius is going to scold him on Monday. He hates those parties.

“Well, I have a little something here to celebrate,” Jason says with a crooked grin.

He turns his helmet upside down, revealing a bottle of booze. Of course the dramatic bitch had it hidden, just waiting for the right moment to reveal it. Steph whoops excitedly.

“Jason, you’re my hero! I mean… B is gonna kill us if he finds we were drinking in uniform, but it’s not like he’ll find out, right?”

Jason hands the bottle to Tim first, his smile positively wicked. Having been given this sort of gift from Jason before, Tim rolls his eyes and takes a generous chug without hesitation. His eyes tear up a bit at the taste when he passes the bottle to Steph.

She happily drinks straight from the bottle like Tim had… Then she freezes.

"Jason?"

“Yeah, Steph?”

“What the heck is this?”

“Spinach and lettuce juice. Timmy needs those antibodies."

"Jason, why are you like this?

"You didn’t think I was giving you guys alcohol, did you? You two are minors.”

Tim grins. He can tell Steph is trying to decide whether to throw the bottle overboard or at Jason’s head.

Before she decides, he turns his gaze back to the sky and asks: “You guys made any New Year’s wishes?”

“Resolutions,” Steph corrects. “Wishes are for birthdays.”

Jason makes a high-pitched voice, “wow, look at me, I’m Stephanie Brown, my mom loves me so much she celebrated my birthday!”

Tim laughs. “Geez, I’ll drink to that.”

There are no words to describe the horror in Steph’s face when he takes back the bottle and drinks a little more of the green juice.

He simply shrugs. “It’s an acquired taste.”

Deciding it’s not worth the trouble, Steph shakes her head and says, “I’m keeping it simple this year. My only resolution is to pass all my classes for once in my life. What about you, Jay?”

“I don’t do that corny shit.”

“Then why did you ask?”

“I know you guys like corny shit.”

“We’ve seen you cry over Jane Austen, your edgelord bullcrap doesn’t work on us,” Steph says. When Jason tries to protest that his eyes were just tearing up from yawning, she turns to Tim: “What about you? Any New Year wishes?”

“Just one, too,” Tim says. “I wanna make sure every non-criminal forgets Red Robin ever existed.”

Jason and Steph snort.

“I’m serious. No more shipping me with my family, no more stalkers. I’ll do everything in my power to make sure no reporter writes the words ‘Red Robin’ ever again.”

“Good luck with that, Timbers.”

Tim drinks his lettuce juice in silence. He hands the bottle back to Jason. Steph pretends to gag when he also takes a long sip. Despite their incredulity, Tim is feeling positive about his goal. He feels like after the Red Twins craze died down, people lost interest in him. He thinks he can pull it off.

If only he knew.

Tim almost never visits the manor anymore. He’s been to the Batcave once or twice on the past few months, but the house itself… he doesn’t even remember the last time. He decides to stop by on a rare free afternoon, hoping Duke and Cass will be around. If not, seeing Alfred outside the cave and having a cup of tea with him was more than enough.

He lets himself in, because he knows it makes Alfred begrudgingly happy when any of the kids acts as though they still live there rather than politely ringing the bell. It also makes Damian mad, which is always a plus.

Hearing voices from the living room, Tim heads straight there, excited that there’s someone home. His smile freezes on his face. Whatever he was expecting to see, it wasn’t… that.

Bruce is sitting near the fireplace pinching the bridge of his nose as he does when his children are fighting among themselves. On the opposite couch is none other than Jason being embraced by a complete stranger that is currently sobbing into his shoulder.

Jason’s gaze meet Tim’s in what is clearly a plea for help. All Tim can do is mouth who the hell is that? to which Jason mouths back I have no fucking idea.

“Would you look at that, Tim’s here,” Bruce says. Tim has the feeling he’s trying to save Jason.

The sniffling stranger pulls back and turns around. “Oh god. You’re a man now, Timmy! Last time I saw you, you were just a tiny kid!”

To Tim’s complete horror, the man stands and comes hug him tightly.

“Uh… ”

“Oh gosh, I’m sorry,” the man gives a watery chuckle “of course you don’t remember me. You were a basically a toddler and I was also a kid when I last saw you. I’m Chad, your father’s cousin.”

“Oh. You’re…”

“I mean, Bruce's cousin. I knew Jack, though. He was good people.”

“Bruce’s cousin. Hm. So your name is Chad Wayne, huh?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Nothing,” Tim pretends not to see Jason hide a snicker into his hand. “Sounds… cool.”

“Chad is visiting Gotham for a couple of weeks,” Bruce tells him. “He just graduated from college in Central City and decided it was a good idea to visit old relatives. It was such a great surprise when he arrived.”

“Right,” Chad wipes the tears from his face, “and I happened to run right into Jason here and oof. Saying I was surprised doesn’t cover it.”

His jovial laughter is so genuine that it’s almost unsettling.

“Oh. You… You know Jason."

“Yeah, man. My family was in a year long trip to Africa, so we didn’t hear about his death until a long time had passed. My parents were crushed that they couldn’t be there for Brucie then. Bruce was telling me about how you guys got him back. Nothing short of a miracle, huh?”

“A miracle,” Jason echoes.

Chad scratches his own nape, finally looking appropriately embarrassed. “Sorry I got so emotional, Jason. I almost didn’t recognize you, you got so jacked , man. I guess I have a good memory for faces.”

He speaks so fast. Steph always complains that Tim speaks too fast whenever he is in the zone and caffeinated, but that was nothing compared to Chad’s rambling.

“Oh well. C'mere, Tim, sit with us, let me get to know you guys. Even if I’m your father’s cousin, I guess I’m closer in age to you two ahaha...”

Tim is known for being a quick thinker, but something about Chad’s khaki shorts and how out of place they look in Gotham stuns him into inaction. He lets Chad drag him to the couch and doesn’t say anything else on pure fear that the guy is about to do it to ‘em.

“Actually,” Jason stands, “Tim is here to pick me up. We have this, hm, doctor’s appointment. To check my… eyes. Yeah, my eyes. Tim’s gonna drive me.”

“Oh, that’s alright, we can talk more when you two come back.”

“Back?” Tim parrots.

“Actually, Chad, Jason and Tim don’t live in the manor,” Bruce says. “They share an apartment around downtown.”

For the first time, Chad drops his too-blessed-to-be-stressed smile and frowns. “What? Why? I thought you guys just got Jason back. Shouldn’t he stay with you, Bruce?”

“Actually, that’s a funny story,” Jason says, taking Tim by the arm. “I’m sure Bruce will love to tell you all about it. I can’t be late for my appointment, isn’t that right, lil' bro?”

“Uh… Yeah. Being dead made his insurance skyrocket and the cancelation fees are a nightmare.”

“Hm-hum, all that. See you around and stuff.” Jason is holding Tim’s arm with such force that it’ll bruise for sure. They’re still on the way to the door when he hisses: “ Get me out of here right now.”

“But I didn’t even see Alfred,” he whispers back.

“ Now, Timothy ! ”

They don’t stop powerwalking until they’re in the car. Jason doesn’t bother going back for his bike and Tim makes a mental note to ask Cass to bring it back to their place later.

For a second, they just breathe Gotham’s polluted air to remind themselves they’re still home and not in a Disney sitcom.

That’s when Jason starts ranting. Apparently he was on the way to the kitchen to get just a bowl of cereal when he walked into Alfred getting the door open for cousin Chad. Alfred had said "Master Jason, I didn’t know you were here" and cousin Chad recognized him and started losing it. Bruce didn’t let Jason kill him, unfortunately, but managed to pull a story out of his ass about Jason coming back from the dead after someone from the Justice League messed up the timeline or something like that. The official story is that they found Jason just a couple of weeks ago and are still working out the kinks of having a family member return from the grave. Except Jason’s speech was a lot more convoluted and involved a lot of curse words and shakespearean insults.

“...and I didn’t even get my freaking cereal!” he finishes, just as Tim parks in front of their home.

“Well. That was an afternoon you just had,” Tim says. Jason huffs and gruffs on the way to the elevator. Tim waits until the doors close to say: “Bruce didn’t pull that story out of his ass, by the way.”

Jason frowns. “What?”

“Your cover story,” Tim clarifies. “He had it for years. I know everything about it if you want the details. He asked me for feedback when he was figuring how to make it believable and whatnot.”

“What? When? Why?”

“As soon as we found out you were alive. He wanted to be ready in case you decided to officially join the family again. It took a few days of work, but the plan exists and is ready to go whenever.”

Jason doesn’t say anything. Tim had expected that, so he allows him to mull over the newfound knowledge. He also expects Jason to head straight for the kitchen, which he does, and Tim follows his brother closely, not commenting on the tension of his shoulders or the way his jaw is set tight enough to crack a few teeth.

When his brother just stands near the sink apparently unsure of what to do with himself, Tim gets milk from the fridge and starts preparing a bowl of cereal.

“What were you doing there, anyway?”

“I went to see Alfred,” Jason mumbles. “But he was busy, so I was… I was talking to Bruce for a bit.”

“Oh?”

Jason grabs the bowl Tim is offering him. “Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Shut up.” And Jason stomps his way to his room, slamming the door after him.

When Steph shows up after class, Tim tells her not to bother him.

WAYNE FAMILY

Tim: @Bruce so wats his deal

Bruce: Dear Tim, what do you mean by that? sincerely, Bruce Wayne.

Tim: chad

Tim: whats his night persona

Tim: his masked name

Bruce: Tim, Chad is not a vigilante. sincerely, Bruce Wayne

Dick: shoot

Dick: he’s a villain???

Bruce: Dear Dick, Chad is not a villain either. He’s just a civillian. sincerely, Bruce Wayne.

Duke: dont he want to avenge his parents?

Bruce: Dear Duke, His parents are alive and well. They’re international activists currently on a mission to feed the poor somewhere in South America. sincerely, Bruce Wayne.

Damian: That means he’s must be a sleeper agent of sorts. I’ll collect some of his DNA for examination. Drake, I trust you’ll do a thorough check on his background, official and otherwise.

Tim: on it

Bruce: Damian, if you get your second-cousin’s DNA to run tests, your weekend at the Kent farm is permanently cancelled.

Jason: so b you admit you text like it’s a business email just to fuck with us, huh?

Bruce: Dear Jason, Mind your language in front of your little brothers. Sometimes I’ll sacrifice the format for the sake of speed. Regardless, this is the ideal way of writing a text message. sincerely, Bruce Wayne.

Bruce: @everyone Chad will be staying with us for a few weeks. He’s just a regular civilian with no tragic backstory, no metapowers and no secret identity. I expect all of you to behave like Alfred taught you and hide your secret identities like I trained you to. No one will investigate him or do anything to compromise our identities. Is that clear? Awaiting confirmation, Bruce Wayne

Cass: weird

Bruce: Dearest Cass, It’s not weird. Civilians exist. Sincerely, Bruce Wayne

Tim: not in our family they dnt!!!

Tim: cmon b you cant tell me s not suspicious!!!!!

Bruce: It is not.

Alfred: Master Bruce already checked his DNA for metagenes and ran a thorough background check with the help of miss Barbara. Unfortunately, Master Chad is clear.

Cass: weeeeeiiiiird

Tim decides to avoid Wayne manor for the foreseeable future. Instead, he buys Alfred’s favorite brand of tea and wonders if he can convince the butler to come over to stay with them for an afternoon or perhaps the whole weekend. Tim is more than willing to share the couch with Steph and let Alfred have his bed. He puts the tea away with a passive aggressive note letting Jason and Steph know that tea is to be saved for Alfred.

Jason is in the living room cleaning one of his guns while Steph does her homework on the carpet by his feet, meaning is just an afternoon like any other for them.

Tim has to remind himself of her resolution before he gives in the temptation of asking her to go patrolling with him. The thing is that his resolution is a lot easier to pursue when Batgirl is around, because she can deal with the civilians after the fact while Red Robin vanishes as soon as the criminals are in cuffs.

Alas. Working alone can be fun, too, he tells himself.

Before he heads out to get his suit, however, the buzzer sounds. He hears Steph cheering and saying something about pizza.

Then a voice that makes Tim freeze in horror.

“Oh, hey. I must have the wrong apartment. Is this Tim and Jason Wayne’s place?”

“Uhhhh…”

He runs so fast Bart would be proud, hoping he can sign at Steph to send him away before he sees them, but it’s too late. Tim rushes only to find out that, in all the glory of his khaki shorts and boat shoes, Chad Wayne is already inside his apartment.

Tim is very aware that Jason is frozen on the couch right behind him, still holding a gun.

“Chad! What a surprise!”

“Hey, Timbo!” Chad grins, looking genuinely happy to see him. “Damian told me you wouldn’t be working tonight and then he gave me your address!”

Why, god? Why hadn’t Tim killed Damian when he had the chance?

“And who is this lovely young woman?” He asks. “If she isn’t spoken for, I might want to steal her for me.”

“I’m his ex, actually, and I sort of live here.” Steph offers her hand. “I speak for myself.”

Instead of shaking her hand, Chad brings her fingers to his lips and gives them an excuse of a kiss. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, ma damme .”

Steph’s smile is too wide to be natural and her eyes look like they’re about to jump out of the sockets. Like the rest of the family, she seems to struggle to believe this guy is real. Tim can’t save her, he just wishes Jason would put away his things while cousin Chad is busy with Steph.

“So, Chad, it’s so nice to see you, but uhhh... What are you doing here?”

“Well, since you guys never go over I had to come see you! And trust me, I get it , when I let my folks’ place to go to college, I wanted to spend even the breaks at my frat house. Anyway, I thought I’d come here, we can order some take out and…”

His eyes finally find Jason and he freezes. “...is that a gun?”

Crap, poop, turd, crap, crapcrapcrapcrap-

“Uhhh… yeah?”

In the same way when he heard that Jason doesn’t live with Bruce, Chad’s positive vibes vanish and he looks distraught.

“Guys… does Bruce know about that?”

Before anyone can stop him, Chad walks in like he owns the place and takes the seat by Jason’s side. Tim and Steph exchange a panicked look, both praying that the gun isn’t easy to assemble or at least that Jason doesn’t have any ammo within arms reach. The two hurry to join them, Steph dropping on the couch and casually leaning against Jason in a position that allows her to hold his arm should he decide to throw Chad out. Tim takes the arm of the couch closer to Chad, ready to pick him up and throw him away himself if he says something stupid.

“We keep it here for safety,” Jason says simply.

“Okay. Oof.” Chad reaches for Jason’s shoulder. “Look, I get it. Gotham is dangerous. But having a gun at home is more of a hazard than anything else, Jace. Can I call you Jace?”

“No.”

“Look, I’m an only son, but if I had a little brother like Tim, I’d want to show him a good example, you know? And guns are not the solution. Do you genuinely think you could shoot someone? I don’t think so. I served the army and there we learn that shooting a person is harder than you can imagine."

Tim can see Steph discreetly pinching Jason’s thigh to keep him in check. Jason looks like he’s asking himself if he’s in the Twilight zone.

There is a beat of silence and Jason opens his mouth. Tim braces himself. Before disaster hits, Steph blurts:

“Actually, that’s why Jason’s here.”

Fortunately, Chad doesn’t notice Jason’s and Tim’s perplexed faces because he’s focused on Steph again.

“Of course Bruce hates guns with his parents and all that,” she frowns sympathetically. “But… Chad, Jason died. Of course he’s getting therapy, but he still needs something to feel safe at least at home. Isn’t that right, Jay?”

She gently rubs his arm. Jason knows Steph enough to recognize the play along or you’re dead in her falsely upset expression.

“Uh… Right. That. I moved in with Tim because, uh, I know Bruce is weird with guns." Another pinch to his thigh. Clearly in a begrudging voice, he adds: "And I super agree with him. I mean, what if Damian found it?”

“God, no,” Tim deadpans. “I don’t want to even imagine Damian with a gun.”

“But Tim and he knows he's not to mess with it,” Jason adds.

“Bruce told me you’re here you and him are a bit at odds, but he didn’t tell me you fought over you having a gun.”

“Bruce doesn’t know and you can’t tell him,” Tim cuts in. Batman is definitely going to forget his no-killing rule if he finds out they let cousin Chad see Red Hood’s gun. “Please, Chad. I promise you we’re careful. We’re just trying to make the best out of a difficult situation.”

Tim hopes the mention that this is a touchy subject will deter Chad. He forgets to take in consideration that Chad thinks they’re his family despite him knowing literally nothing about them. He is under the very wrong impression that he's allowed to talk to them about personal shit. Which is great. This is just great.

“If it makes you feel better, this is temporary,” Jason says. “I talked to my, uh, my therapist about it and he cleared me to have the gun. When I start, you know, getting over the death trauma, I’ll get rid of it.”

“Right,” Steph nods eagerly. “We’re planning on throwing a party when we reach that point and everything.”

The three of them wait with baited breath as Chad considers their excuses, his expression somber. Then Chad opens his arms and pulls Tim and Jason into a triple hug.

“I get it,” he says in a hoarse voice he probably finds cool. “You do what you have to do to cope, man. Bruce told me you’re brave and I can see that’s true. And you, ” he squeezes Tim, “I heard from Dickie that you’re a little prodigy, but I’m so proud of you for being there for your brother!”

God, he has so many feelings. Tim promises himself he’ll never complain about Dick being clingy again. Dick has a Batman level of emotional constipation if compared to this guy.

“Right,” Jason pulls himself free from the hug. “I’m gonna put this away, alright?”

He gathers his cleaning supplies and the spare parts spread across the coffee table and takes it to his room. His expression says he's still trying to figure out what that was.

“But, Timbo…”

“Just Tim is fine.”

“I thought you didn’t know Jason before his death? Bruce adopted you kind of recently, didn’t he?”

“Uhhh… I don’t know what to tell you. Jason and I hit it off and became friends fast,” Tim says. “I mean, at first he hated me enough to want to slit my throat…”

“Wow, alright,” Jason interrupts as he returns, a pout on his lips. “I see we’re very comfortable joking about my early… grumpiness. It’s not something I feel guilt or still have nightmares about at all”

Tim almost snorts at that. “Like I was saying, we got better.”

Chad nods thoughtfully and leans back to be more comfortable, nothing about his body language suggesting he might be getting ready to leave.

“So!” Steph claps her hands together. “Thank you for understanding, Chad. Now maybe let's talk about something lighter, shall we?”

And that’s what they do, with some sttrugle. At first, Chad seems too upset to talk about anything and Steph has to use all of her charm to get him to forget about the fantastic start of his visit. Jason helps by making sarcastic remarks that almost sound genuine and Tim… Tim can’t do much.

He texts Cass and she agrees to take his patrol duty for the night. Tim considered making up an emergency at WE and going out anyway, but in the end he decided that was unfair to the others.

He also sends a message chewing on Damian for sending Chad his way without a warning. No one ever visits Tim’s apartment other than his family and his hero friends, so they could have been in full uniform in the middle of the living room. Damian responds with a dismissive text filled with words that Tim doesn’t know. Tim threatens to break all of his crayons and puts his phone away

By this point, Chad is a bit more like himself again and Tim almost wishes he stayed distressed, because the rest of the night is painfully weird. To avoid more awkward conversation, Jason puts on a random horror movie for them. Chad comments on how impressive it is that none of them seems to mind the gore. He squeals and groans and gives Steph a horrified look when she simply keeps eating her pepperoni pizza as though nothing of note is happening on the screen.

The thing is that the movie’s gore is decidedly inaccurate to the point that they barely recognize it for what it's supposed to be. Besides it’s nothing worse than some wounds they’d either suffered or seen as vigilantes.

Maybe it’s because Tim didn’t get the adrenaline he expected from patrol, but he ends up falling asleep on Jason’s shoulder during the climax of the second movie.

He wakes up alone on the couch with a blanket half-thrown over his legs. It's still the middle of the night and he has half a mind to go to his room before he hears muffled voices from the kitchen. Rubbing his eyes, he follows the sound without thinking much.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” Steph greets him.

She and Jason apparently are building a castle of Uno cards in the middle of the kitchen table.

Tim joins them. “It’s 3am.”

“Witching hour,” Jason mumbles.

Steph gestures at the castle and offers Tim a card. He takes it.

“It was a dirty trick to fall asleep like that,” she tells him. “You missed the selfie party to celebrate the first time he visited Jace and Timbo.”

Tim groans. “He stayed long?”

“Too long.” Jason adds another pair of cards to the castle. “I think I have a headache and the Lazarus pit is supposed to make you immune to headaches.”

“That's what I was telling Jason before you got here, Tim. We’re socially capable, right?”

“Hmmm… Right, I guess.”

“How come we couldn’t get rid of him? Why were we so lost while we were, like, just hanging out with him? Is everyone outside of Gotham like that?”

Part of Tim is relieved that Steph hates Chad too. He thought he and Jason had finally caught Batman’s moodiness, but Steph is one of the most cheerful people he knows and her dry sense of humor and quick quips are a lot more bearable than cousin Chad’s peppy attitude.

The other part of him…

“I think it’s less about him not being from Gotham and more about him being a civilian,” Jason says.

The castle falls. None of them reacts.

“That can’t be right,” Steph says. “We have civilian friends and they’re not like that.”

“Do we?”

“Yeah! Jason-- Hm. Tim has Tam… Oh, forget it, she’s not talking to him again. I have Francisco and- I just remembered he’s the son of a gangster.” Steph pauses. “Huh. Do we seriously not know any civilians?”

They don’t. Not on a friendly level, at least.

Tim had considered that before, but he didn't want to think about it. It was weird he was so distant from a normal life that he felt unsettled by it. Not bad. Just weird. If he hadn’t found out Batman’s and Robin’s identities, would he grow up to be a Chad? Finishing high school, living in a frat house in college, and all that? Would he still be a Drake, neighbor to the Waynes?

He loves all of his siblings and Bruce and Alfred and he doesn’t want to consider a life without them.

However.

In a world without Batman. Bruce would still be a good man. He still wouldn’t hesitate in adopting an orphaned circus boy. He would probably also adopt the little shit that tried to steal his not-batmobile tires. If by a miracle he also adopted the boy next door that tragically lost his parents and a girl from a very broken family and a young boy whose parents couldn’t be there for him anymore. His gremlin of a biological son would have grown up beloved and incapable of harming anyone, let alone assassinating a person.

He remembers the plan to bring Jason back to the world of the living and how easy it had been for him and Bruce to put it together and make it seem believable, because in their world it was believable and it could have been the truth.

If Jason Wayne, a regular boy, son of a regular man, had been killed in a freak criminal act and brought back to life thanks to superhero shenanigans, all of them would have been there for him. Jason wouldn’t resent his father for not killing his murderers, because that wasn’t a possibility, and they’d find a way to get him to overcome the effects of the trauma. Bruce certainly wouldn’t spare effort or money to get his son back to full health.

If Stephanie’s father hadn’t been a super criminal, Tim’s first girlfriend wouldn’t hit him in the face with a brick on their first meeting. She would have been a normal girl with a normal life and she could even run into him at school. There is no doubt in his mind that he would have found and made Steph his friend no matter the universe, except… would he?

In that reality, he didn’t know what gore looked like. He would get too upset to function for half an hour at the mere sight of a gun. He’d visit relatives unannounced and the worst thing that could happen was to find them heading out as he arrives. He draws the line at the khakis and boat shoes, because he doesn’t think he’d wear those in any universe, but still.

That would not be Timothy Drake-Wayne. Tim had seen his own internal organs before. Tim’s not only unfazed by fire guns but also built some for his older brother. Tim is fully aware that visiting any of his siblings might mean walking into a ninja fight at worst and finding them pretending to drive the batmobile at best.

Steph and Jason don’t say anything for a while and Tim could easily blame it on the fact that it’s almost 4am and they have yet to sleep, but he knows it’s because they’re reaching the same conclusion he did: they’re not normal people. They always knew that, but knowing something and seeing evidence are two different things.

And again… it’s not bad. It’s not that Tim wouldn’t change anything about the past, it’s just that he doesn’t regret the life he lead up until this point.

It’s still weird. Too weird.

BABS

Babs: The red dynamic duo ship is back with a vengeance, huh?

Babs sent you a link.

Tim had never had a panic attack. Considering the life he leads, that’s a pretty surprising thing. However, that text from a woman he considers part of his family kicks his fight-or-flight instinct like nothing in the world could. He clicks on it. He reads the article.

He screams into a pillow for about ten minutes.

Jason and Steph find him lying face down on the floor trying to get his phone’s AI to buy him a ticket to Smallville. He's sure Conner will take him in. He’ll work at the farm. He’ll stop being Red Robin. He doesn’t care.

It’s an article from a teen magazine.

TIM WAYNE AND MYSTERY MAN?

Ah, the Wayne Family. Our favorite and most iconic family of Gotham. Timothy Drake-Wayne (18), or Tim, how he prefers to be called, has been under our radar for quite a while and not just because of his cute face. The young CEO of Wayne Enterprises and heir to Drake Industries is smart, rich and incredibly charming if the rumors are true. That being said, the question we’re all asking is: how is this boy still single?

Little to nothing is known about Tim Wayne’s love life and we were all crazy to know if he is in the market for a girlfriend.

Well, ladies, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Tim Wayne might have a special someone. Nothing is confirmed yet, but Chad Wayne (26), Tim’s adoptive father’s cousin, shared a rather interesting picture on his snapchat.

[IMAGE]

Once we got over how freaking hot Chad is looking, we noticed something in the background. Right behind Chad, we can barely see someone that looks exactly like Tim Wayne fast asleep on the shoulder of a real heartthrob. Our suspicions were confirmed by Chad’s caption that said “visiting the little cousins”!

It’s a well-known fact that Tim Wayne is openly bisexual, so could this be his boyfriend? Or are they just dudes being bros, unbothered by toxic masculinity? Only time will tell.

THE BIRDNEST

spoiler alert sent a screenshot.

spoiler alert: lmao

WonderWing: … ok first I thought it was funny but now I’m concerned

WonderWing: do I need to talk to them?

WonderWing: do I need to talk our dad???

In the hood: WHY THE FUCK DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO US?

In the hood: WHY IS ANYONE SEEN NEAR THIS DAMN KID AUTOMATICALLY HIS SIGNIFICANT OTHER??

send me a Signal: scratch that what is this openly bisexual business?

send me a Signal: I mean we know hes bi but hes not that vocal bout it?

spoiler alert: lmao tell em dick

WonderWing: lololol when he was like 12 there were rumors that Jack Drake’s son was gay right?

WonderWing: high society trashy gossip

WonderWing: around the same time his mom thought it was a good idea to let him be interviewed for this random magazine

WonderWing: they mentioned the rumors prolly because they wanted him to like say something motivational about bullying or wtv

send me a Signal: i think i know where this is going

send me a Signal: what did he say?

spoiler alert: i like my men how i like my women

send me a Signal: of course he did

spoiler alert: yeah and he wasnt out to his parnts yet so that part is less fun

send me a Signal: oof

In the hood: are you kidding me? Tim came out to the whole world because he couldn’t stop himself from making a dumb bi joke? Why can’t he stay in the closet like the rest of us?

Boss A$$ Bat: Bi rights

WonderWing: steph did you change cass nickname again

spoiler alert: ye

Boss A$$ Bat: I like it (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

send me a Signal: wait tims too quiet where is he

in the Hood: Steph took away his phone because he kept trying to book a flight to Smallville to become a farmer.

send me a Signal: of course. why wouldnt he.

Chad apologizes profusely for not noticing Tim and Jason were on that shot, but thankfully he does it over the phone so Tim can hang up halfway through his heartfelt apology.

The kids that still live in the manor aren't so lucky.

Tim gets a stream of facetimes from Duke, Cass and even Damian. Apparently Chad won't stop asking Cass to speak up, because she can, why bother with this weird sign stuff? (Cass stops Duke from hitting him.) He insists on asking Damian to play football with him until Damian knocked him out with a ball to the face. Bruce forced Damian to pretend he dislocated his shoulder on the stunt to prevent further invitations. Even though Duke is, by all means, perfect, Chad keeps stalking him and asking about his opinions on his siblings and if he thinks Bruce is doing the best job on raising them. The answers never satisfy him and he keeps asking as though he thinks the boy will change his mind if caught by surprise. Duke starts using his powers to jump out of the window whenever Chad is about to walk into the room until he lands on Alfred's roses. The fact that the butler isn't mad, just disappointed causes Duke to stop his daring escapes.

Bruce, despite his cool facade, isn't much better. He now has to keep his public persona at home too and, when it isn't driving him insane, he is being annoyed by his children exchanging weird looks and holding back giggles while he plays the himbo part.

Long story short, Chad is making a few days feel like torturing years.

The breaking point is the day Tim walks into his living room only to find Steph and Damian sitting on the couch facing each other while she dutifully paints his nails black.

“What is happening?” Tim asks. “Did I fall into a parallel Earth?”

“Tt, do not concern yourself with us, Drake. I’m here for Brown, not for you.”

Steph smirks at him.

“What the- Okay, first of all this apartment is mine and Jason’s. Steph doesn’t live here. Sometimes. Second… Since when do you get along with Steph?”

“I tolerate her.”

“What the hell? That’s like I love you in Gremlin language! Since when did you get Damian?”

Her smirk widens and Tim more or less expects her to do a little victory dance. “I don’t know what to tell you, man. I’m just irresistible.”

“Hm.” Tim turns to Damian. “Chad drove you out of the house and Bruce didn’t let you go to Dick's place in Bludhaven, right?”

“Father says I cannot miss school.”

“Great. If you’re going to become our second unofficial roommate, please stay away from Jason’s pots. He says he has a system and he's a nightmare when we mess with them.”

“I would never spend more time than necessary in your disgusting nest.”

“You’re literally on my couch! Letting my best friend paint your nails! You freaking pest!”

And Damian isn’t the only one.

Cass used to come over regularly, but the frequency of her visits increases dramatically now that Chad is staying at the manor. She isn’t bad to be around, though, as she mostly keeps training in the basement or napping on the couch that Steph is more than happy to share with her. When Tim asks why she doesn’t simply stay in the Batcave, Cass tells him Bruce is keeping their time at the cave to a minimum because Chad noticed sometimes they vanish even if all cars were in the garage.

Chad is also painfully public. He’s constantly tweeting and updating his Instagram and making sure everyone and their mother knows what he’s doing, who’s with him and where they are. That makes it difficult to kick him out without drawing attention. Gotham's elite is a nest of gossip and intrigue and people ought to ask uncomfortable questions if a rich guy sends a rich relative away for seemingly no reason. Bruce might be the most private person in the world, but Brucie Wayne is supposed to be a fun-loving man.

Cass convinces Tim not to make much fun of Bruce, because apparently, after Chad posted a picture of him and Bruce trying to bake and Brucie is wearing an apron that says “Kiss the Bat!”, Superman himself called him only to laugh for ten minutes. Tim Supposes that’s punishment enough.

When Duke is the one seeking shelter, it isn’t as fun. As much as Tim likes the guy, he’s a chronic worrier in a completely different way of Tim. He wants to make sure they're all living healthy lives and eating properly and, for some reason, whether Steph and Jason are bullying Tim. He question things such as the fact that Steph is ruining her back on the couch, Tim’s habit of leaving dirty dishes in the sink overnight and the lack of the right brands of food, whatever that means. Tim gets tired of it pretty fast, but he also finds that being unnecessarilly dark is a efficient way to get Duke to shut up.

“So Steph basically moved in, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you guys share the rent or…?”

“I own the building, Duke.”

“Right. So she doesn’t pay any bills.”

“She kills bugs for us sometimes. She buys candy, too.”

"Does Jason pay bills?"

"He does. We split it evenly between the two of us."

"Huh. Where does he get any money?"

"Don't know. Don't care."

"Is Bruce okay with that?"

"If Bruce wanted to have a say in my life he shouldn't have died and forced me to get emancipated."

"... Tim, I love you so much, man, but sometimes it's hard to be your brother."

"I know, Duke. I love you too, Duke."

One night, he comes back from patrol and he finds all of his siblings literally camping in the living room. Someone even built a pillow fort by tying a preposterous amount of blankets to the porch door and the TV stand. Too tired to care, Tim turns to his room.

“Good night, Jay. Good night, Steph. Good night, parasites that do not live here.”

“You take back those words on this instant, Drake,” Damian hisses, but fortunately someone (Steph) tucked him too tightly into his sleeping bag, so there’s nothing he can do but wiggle around like an angry worm.

“Why are we parasites?” Duke asks from his air mattress. “I’ve done the dishes. That’s more than what Steph does.”

“Good night, Tim,” Cass says from… somewhere. They know she found a place to sleep. They don’t know where it is.

DAD

Tim: brus pls get rid of him

Dad: I can’t, Tim, it’d be suspicious to kick out a relative for no reason.

Tim: every1 is living at my place bc of him

Tim: even damian

Tim: do u kno how insuferable a man has to be that damian would rather spend time with jason and i

Dad: If everyone being at your place is bothering you so much, why don’t you invite Chad?

Tim: … no. ur not pushing him to me.

Dad: Chad and you are close in age, aren’t you? You could get along if you tried.

Tim: i 19! he 26!

Dad: Jason is 22 and he’s your best friend.

Tim: conner is my best friend

Tim: jason is a partner in crime at best

Dad: If you’re able to think of something to shorten Chad’s visit, I’m all ears. I admit it’s inconvenient to have him here. Otherwise, I think spending time with your siblings will do you some good.

Tim: i hate you

Dad: Alright, Tim.

Tim: … ok that was a lie and im sorry i love u bruss

Dad: I love you too, Tim.

One day, Tim goes to the kitchen for a mug of coffee and finds Barbara comfortably working on her laptop.

“...you don’t even live at the manor.”

“Hm? Oh, I’m not avoiding cousin Chad, Steph just invited me over for waffles.”

Tim just takes his coffee and leaves without saying anything else.

And then shit finally hits the fan.

Because Tim isn’t an idiot like Bruce, he didn’t make his public persona something that would be painful for him to play. As far as Gotham’s society knows, Tim Drake-Wayne is a calm and collected young man, work-driven and not too ill-mannered for a rich boy, which isn’t as different from the real Tim. Real Tim is an overworked ball of anxiety that appears to be a calm and collected young man, so no one is surprised when he doesn’t acknowledge the rumors about him and the mysterious man.

At least not until a son of a bitch with too much free time decides to ruin his brother’s life on twitter.

@earthnotflatffs101 yo don’t this dude with tim drake low key look like jason todd?

And the motherfucker even dared to repost Chad’s selfie and an old picture of a 13 year-old Jason walking alongside Bruce.

Of course the tweet goes viral.

Everyone starts talking about the eerie resemblance between Tim’s buddy and his deceased brother that he supposedly never met. Some find it tasteless that everyone is making a conspiracy theory out of an allegedly dead child, but they are quickly overpowered by the wave of old gossip being revisited. It takes one Sunday afternoon for everyone to start pointing out how weird it is that Tim Drake left the Wayne manor seemingly out of the blue and started living by himself at such a young age and how my sense it’d make for him to share a place with a brother. They notice Chad captioned the picture as "visiting the cousins" plural even if it's public knowledge that Tim Drake- Wayne lives alone. People start demanding to know who is the mystery man lending his shoulder to Tim, tagging the few Waynes with known social media in their posts and even WE corporate account.

It’s the very definition of a shit show, in Tim’s humble opinion.

Red Robin and Batgirl skip their Sunday patrol to brainstorm ideas of damage control. Damian is pacing around the kitchen as the two of them desperately try to apply an algorithm Oracle made to make sure less people will see posts about Jason Todd. There’s not a lot they can do about the fact that #IsJasonToddAlive? is trending. They’re so distressed that Damian forgets to be unpleasant.

“I see no other option,” Damian says at some point. “We should kill that man before he ruins our family any further.”

“How would killing him solve anything?” Tim groans.

“It would make me feel better.”

“No.”

“His death would cause people to forget about Todd.”

“... Go on.”

“Tim, you’re not going to let Dami kill Chad.”

“Why not!”

“Because with our track record he’s going to come back with radioactive powers or some shit.”

“That would be good! He’d finally fit in with the family! As it is now, we’re becoming the freaking Kardashians with a hint conspiracy theory, Steph!”

That’s not the biggest problem, though.

The problem is that Jason doesn’t come home on that night.

Tim and Steph wait for hours after Damian finally calms down in his sleeping bag, but the sun rises and Jason’s room remains empty.

He isn’t freaking out, by any means. Jason is an adult man and he can handle himself. He used to go missing by months at a time before moving in with Tim. He must be busy doing Red Hood stuff. He could let them know he’s okay, just for shits and giggles, but it’s alright. He doesn’t owe them anything.

On the third day after #isJasonToddAlive went viral, Tim and Steph go on patrol even if it’s not their turn. It’s a spur of the moment thing, because they’re home and bored. They agree to split up and just ride around town aimlessly, see what happens and meet at the end of the night to grab waffles at that 24 hour diner Steph likes so much. One that Jason first took her to after one particular bad night in which she failed to stop a mugger from shooting their victim.

He is just riding his bike, not paying attention to where the wheels take him. It’s just a coincidence that he ends up in Red Hood’s old territory. He hears from some loiterers that Batgirl had been seen roaming around just south from where he is. He keeps his patrol focused on the north side.

A beeping sound informs him that someone is trying to contact him. He accepts it almost right away.

“ Jason ?”

“Nope, it’s me, Timmy,” Dick’s voice answers.

He sighs. And cringes when he realizes he broke the no-real-names-when-in-uniform rule. He’s lucky it isn’t Batman calling him. “Sorry, Nightwing, I thought… Never mind. You need something?”

“No, it’s just that I just got here at the manor. I thought I’d let you know.”

“Oh. Is everything okay? I didn’t even know you were coming back.”

“Well, with this whole Jason is alive thing blowing up I thought I’d come home, help in any way I can. Reporters are driving B insane.”

“Ugh.”

“Yeah. Also… Do you know Jason’s here?”

There is a beat. Tim presses the breaks with too much force and it’s a miracle that his bike doesn’t simply throw him away with how fast he stops.

“ What? ”

Dick chuckles over the comm. “I figured he didn’t tell you. Do what you want with this information. I’m gonna help Alfred now.”

Tim doesn’t bother saying goodbye, but he’s sure Dick will forgive him. He’s already pressing the buttons on his wrist pad to contact someone else. “Batgirl? Meet me at the cave. Now.”

It takes a lot of effort to stop Steph from storming into the manor through the main entrance in full Batgirl gear. And it’s a good thing Tim managed it, because there is a literal swarm of reporters in front of the gates and Tim wonders if anything happened in the short two hours he was out patrolling.

Once they’re in the cave, they’re careful enough to change into civies. Unlike Tim, Steph doesn’t have clothes stashed there so she simply steals a sweater from Damian’s locker while Tim checks the news.

“Someone saw the mystery man that looks like Jason Todd getting into Bruce Wayne’s car two days ago, ” he tells her when she comes out of the changing room. “How did we miss that?”

“I don’t know, you’re the tech dude,” she groans. “Maybe we hid so much crap the computer started hiding it from us too.”

It’s an explanation as good as any other and the truth is unimportant now. They climb out of the cave with unusual care, checking twice to make sure no one is around to see them emerge from the secret passage. As soon as the cave entrance is hidden, they hear altered voices.

Steph reaches for Tim’s hand when they walk towards the commotion and intertwines their fingers. One could think the gesture was a request for comfort. Tim had been friends with her long enough that it was a silent plea to hold her back if she needs to fight the urge to dropkick someone.

“... can’t simply hide him forever, Brucie!” They hear Chad saying.

Then, in a deep voice that isn’t quite Bruce or quite Batman, but that is still firm and definitive:

“If you can’t agree with me, feel free to leave. But stay aware that if you do anything to expose my son to unnecessary attention, I will not take it lightly.”

They walk into the room to find a Chad that looks somewhere between mildly horrified and extremely angry. Bruce is standing against the fireplace and he is definitely using the shadow he’s casting to appear bigger and more threatening, a trick he usually only uses when he’s wearing a cowl.

“What’s going on?” Tim asks.

“Tim!” Chad turns to him. “Get your father to see reason. I’ve been telling him that this is the perfect time to tell everyone Jason is alive. He wants to… to hide him like he’s a dirty secret.”

Tim raises an eyebrow. “What does Jason think?”

“Jason doesn’t know what’s best, Tim, he’s not okay! He has a gun in your house, for crying out loud!”

For the sake of the intensity of the argument, Tim pretends not to notice the batglare he’s getting from his father and focuses on giving Chad a batglare of his own:

“So? You have a problem with my brother?”

Steph is squeezing his hand enough to hurt. He isn’t sure who’s holding who back now.

Chad takes a step back. “You people are insane. Mom was right. Trying to help you guys is useless.”

“ That’s what you’ve been trying to do?” Steph blurts.

Chad shakes his head and storms out of the room… And just like that, Chad’s gone. Gone from their lives, hopefully forever, and if not... Tim knows last year Duke learned a lot about restraining orders.

“I was wondering when you two would come pick him up,” Bruce says. “I hoped it’d take a little longer, it’s nice having him home.”

“Where is he?”

“First… what is this about a gun?”

“First of all, it was Damian’s fault for giving him our address.” Steph shrugs. “Second of all, the gun is the least dangerous thing in Jason’s room and right now I’m more dangerous than any weapon you have, so where is he ?”

“Library.”

They bolt out of the room and straight upstairs. Tim is so caught in the relief of the biggest source of problem being gone that he gets careless. Jason always said Tim is too quick to forgive, even if he doesn’t forget, and he guesses that is true. When he enters the library and he finds himself facing a startled Jason, he’s not angry. Mildly annoyed, for sure. Relieved that his worst paranoiac fears rooted in PTSD are proven to be untrue. Concerned by the fact that Jason looks almost small, younger, maybe because he’s wearing one of Bruce’s shirts or because his expression is so off guard.

But, most importantly, Tim isn’t holding Steph’s hand anymore.

“Jason Todd, you mOTHERFUCKER!”

“No, don’t- ”

But it’s too late. She leaps and dropkicks him and Jason screams in pain and soon the two of them are literally rolling on the floor yelling insults at each other and knocking an entire table sideways. Tim sighs.

“Say uncle! Say uncle right now, you musky bitch!”

“ It’s musty, dumbass!!”

“You’re that, too!”

He sits down in one of the comfy reading chairs and waits for them to get it all out of their system. At some point, Steph is straddling Jason’s back pulling him backwards by the nostrils and he somehow is reaching back to tickle her sides and both of their gazes meet Tim’s unimpressed glower. They stop.

“You two done?”

“She started it!”

“ Bitch- ”

“Enough already,” Tim groans. He waits until both look appropriately ashamed and get off of each other. “Steph is right, though, what the fuck, Jason?”

Jason cringes, but still tries to play it cool, as though nothing unusual happened. “The news had my face, I decided to lay low.”

“And how’s that working out for you?” Steph snaps. “It took us three whole days to find you without actively looking. Bruce found you even before.”

“Also lay low hiding from what? Us?”

Grumbling something impossible to understand, he stands and crosses his arms in a clear attempt to look tough. In the absence of his leather jacket and the presence of all of Tim’s annoyance he only looks stupid.

“Look, I freaked out, alright? Me being found out was my fault.”

“How the heck is Chad’s stupid selfie your fault?”

“Because I knew it was a bad idea, okay?” Jason snaps. “I shouldn’t have sat there and made dumb excuses, I should have told him to fuck off the moment he saw my gun. I noticed him taking the stupid pictures, but I didn’t even care that I could be in one of them, I thought it wasn’t worth waking Tim up. All these months playing house and messing around with you guys made me reckless and soft. ”

Steph retreats a step as if he had slapped her.

“Okay, Jason, I’m willing to put up with a lot of angsty bullshit from you, but… Is that really what you think of us? That we’re, we’re what, bringing you down?”

“That’s not what I said!” He runs his fingers through his hair in frustration.

“No,” Tim interrupts. “He's right.” When Steph makes to argue, he raises a hand asking her to listen. “You did grow reckless. That’s what you’re supposed to do, Jason. You’re supposed to relax and have down time and mess around with us. And if shit happens… We have each others' backs. You’d known that if you had come home, because you’d know Steph and I spent the past three days trying to cover for your stupid butt, since we knew you’d want that.”

Jason doesn’t say anything for a minute. When Steph doesn’t either, Tim continues:

“You don’t have to just survive anymore, you know? I thought you knew that when you agreed to live with us. You’re family.”

“You sound like Dick.”

“I mean, Dick was the first person that treated me like family. Maybe that’s why I was so... Hm. Never mind.”

“You’re still upset he fired you, huh?”

“No. I mean, I have been. But I know now it wasn’t personal. He was doing the best he could, even if he didn’t really understand what I needed back then. I know Dick always loved me.”

“Hm. Did you talk to him so he could apologize or did you work all that on your own and forgave him by yourself?”

“Nice try, but right now we’re talking about your issues, not mine.”

Because Steph had been awful quiet for a while - which is something highly unusual - they turn to her in question. They find her wearing her furious expression, the one that puts fear for their lives in criminals hearts, but the effect is ruined by the fact that her big eyes are pooled with tears.

“Oh shit. That’s new. I didn’t know she did that. I thought she destroyed her tear ducts when she was a kid or something. What do I do?”

She simply shakes her head. “I get you, Jay,” she says, her voice a bit wobbly. “Admitting you have something means knowing you can lose it. But is the fear of losing it worth throwing it away altogether?”

Jason pulls her into a hug. She sniffles and rubs her face on his chest, purposefully wiping her runny nose there before she hugs him back.

“I hate you so much, Jason.”

“I hate you too, Steph,” he says softly. “And, from the bottom of my heart, my bad.”

She sniffles again. “Tim, get your gay ass over here. This is a triple hug situation.”

Tim snorts and mumbles something about the fact that Dick can never find out about this or he’ll never forgive them for not including him.

He joins the triple hug nonetheless.

The trio ends up sitting on the floor, their backs resting against the table Steph and Jason knocked over. They learn that Jason had escaped to one of his old hideouts when he heard the news. He was both annoyed and creeped out to find Bruce already there waiting for him and the fucker had the gall to bring Alfred along to make sure Jason wouldn’t say no.

In exchange, they tell him Damian was offering to kill Chad on Jason’s behalf, which makes him bit moved.

“Bruce had already said everything you said, by the way,” he tells Tim. “It’s scary how you’re more like him than his own biological son.”

Tim rolls his eyes. “We said the same thing because we’re right.”

“It almost sounds like you do want me to go out and tell everyone I’m alive.”

“I mean, yeah, but that doesn’t matter.”

“Wait, what?” Steph frowns. “You want people to know Jason’s alive? Then why did you make me spend hours sitting in front of a computer hunting tweets about this glorified zombie?”

“Because if Jason’s secret goes out, it’s for us, not for him,” Tim says. “It’s a pain to be part of a public family. We’d get to go out in public without worrying about being seen and to, I don’t know, post stupid pictures online, mock old people together in Bruce’s galas, but it also means that he would have to avoid reporters and have a double life like the rest of us do.”

After Tim finishes speaking, Steph nods as if that makes sense. Jason finds himself frowning at his feet.

“I’m gonna do it.”

“Wait, what?”

“I’m gonna come out as a living person. I’ll maybe even pepper in the fact I’m also queer, just to spice things up.”

“Jay, you don’t have to…”

“No, I don’t. When it was Chad’s bullshit about me having to live my best life, I wasn’t going to, but if it’s for you guys, I can do it. Steph’s right. I can’t live a half live." His smile twists into something wicked. "And I know exactly how to do it.”

Congratulations, @JasonToddWayne! Your twitter account has been successfully created.

The first and only post is a picture of a man in a leather jacket and sunglasses in the middle of a fancy lobby. Hanging upside down from the chandelier above him is no one other than Dick Grayson-Wayne holding a flashlight right behind the man’s head to simulate a bright aura. Around him, some kneeling, some standing, but all holding out their arms towards him are all of the Wayne kids, Tim, Cassandra, Duke and even Damian. If you look closely, you can see a smiling butler on the background and, further, a shadow that looks very much like Bruce Wayne facepalming.

The caption of the picture simply says: I lived, bitch.

@dgraysonman retweeted that.

@stephssss retweeted that.

@thomascommaduke retweeted that

@babsgeez retweeted that

@BruceWayne retweeted that

The thing about being part of a scandal you purposefully caused is that you get to kick back and watch the world burn around you while you wear an evil little grin on your face whenever people ask what the hell you were thinking. Tim used to get annoyed by interview requests that had nothing to do with WE and everything to do with his personal life, but for once he enjoys watching the messages piling up and eventually saying no to all of them.

Bruce makes a brief and vague declaration about his son being back from the dead, no big deal, and he expects everyone can respect his family's privacy in this delicate moment. He gives the press just enough and refuses to elaborate. Only liars give too many details and they’re not lying. Not entirely, at least.

Of course, Jason doesn’t help by posting the weirdest freaking memes to his twitter account and, whenever someone tries to get answers from his, his retorts vary widely from “I returned from the grave to wash Damian’s mouth with soap” to “I was captured by a group of murderous ninja that dipped my corpse in a cursed pool that brought me back to life”. Unfortunately, he gets verified and no man should hold so much power.

They return to their lives, Tim in his room, Jason in his and Steph on her couch. Sometimes they even meet in the kitchen to play Uno and prank call Dick - it never works, because Dick always says he’s flattered that they wanted to hear his voice, but it’s the thought behind it that counts.

They go on patrol sometimes. By this time, the public seems to have caught on that Batgirl and Red Robin are basically a duo. Sometimes the Red Hood is included in the mix. For once, Tim doesn’t mind that they know as much.

He thinks they’re heading towards more peaceful days.

DUCK DUCK BRUISE

Duck Robin: hey stephanie what the hell

Duck Hood: Do I even want to know

Bruise: we need our own groupchat

Duck Hood: Why is it named that?

Bruise: bc we red red and purple

Bruise: u never played duck duck bruise?

Duck Robin: its duck duck goose steph

Bruise: u and i led v different childhoods

Duck Hood left the chat

Bruise added Jason Todd to the chat

Bruise changed Jason Todd’s name to Duck Hood

Bruise: u cant escape us jay

Drake Robin: one of us! one of us! one of us!

Duck Hood: Next time either of you complain about not getting laid I’ll show you a screenshot of this conversation.

Jason, Tim and Steph are walking home. It’s still day and, even if the sun isn’t quite shining because this is still Gotham, it’s nice and warm outside. The reason they went to get groceries together is because Jason had been horrified to find out that neither Tim nor Steph knew how to pick fruit and they spent a good part of their afternoon arguing over which apple was the ripest. Tim refused to get out of the shopping cart until their groceries were paid.

It had been fun.

Steph forced them to carry all the bags, arguing that she is but a frail young woman even if Tim is pretty sure she can bench press him. The real reason is because she wants to play Pokemon Go on the walk home and that’s valid, so they carry the bags. She is one of the few people of Gotham that isn’t afraid of getting mugged, so she might as well use that privilege.

A text stops her from catching a bulbasaur right before it stops her entirely.

“Steph?” Tim calls, his brow furrowing in worry.

“It’s happening again,” she whispers.

The brothers approach her to look at her phone. They’re already familiar with this at this point, so none of them is surprised to see a headline and a picture.

MYSTERIOUS BOMBSHELL SEEN LEAVING JASON WAYNE’S APARTMENT

Tim recognizes the outfits they wore two days ago on the day he snapped and forced them to take out the trash together, which ended a week long battle of wills. It’s also the day the biggest bag ripped open and an obscene amount of RedBull cans rolled down the curb. The picture is them watching the disaster. Steph is a pretty girl, but that picture is not doing her any favors. Her face is all scrunched up, as Gothamites tend to be on the rare occasions they see the sun, part of the ripped trash bag still in her hand. Jason has his hands on his hips looking like every bit of the mother hen he is and he is wearing crocs over socks (Tim has sworn to kill Roy Harper for corrupting his brother like that, making him think that’s an okay thing to do and say disgusting things like just try it, you annoying hipster, it’s comfy. )

“You know what? They called me a bombshell, I’m not even mad.”

“How come it’s Jason’s apartment? I’m literally the only person in this household with a dayjob!”

“First of all I'm an university student. Second, you only do actual work because you’re a sucker, you’re all trust fund babies. And that includes you, mr. Crime Lord.”

“Thank you, miss Eats All my Fucking Food.”

They resume their walk without reading the rest of the article. Tim thinks to himself that this is not too bad. Then it gets worse.

“Hey. Are those reporters?” Steph asks. “In front of our house?”

It only takes a glance to find out that she’s right. There is a small group of people hanging out near their apartment complex even though there’s no apparent reason to be there. Any decent Gothamite knows you don’t loiter for no reason, because you never know when the freaking Killer Croc is going to randomly pop out of the sewer or some crap. Those people are there with a purpose and that purpose involves a lot of them holding cameras.

“Yeah, I’m out,” Tim says.

“What?”

“This is the first time I’m not involved in the news. I’m going to enjoy my immunity. You two are on your own for this one.”

He turns his back to them. Enough is enough. Sometimes you just have to draw a line in the sand, let the universe know what you’re willing to put up with on that day. Tim is not willing to deal with this. He gestures at Steph and Jason not to follow him as he stalks into the adjacent empty alley. He takes a long, deep breath and shouts at the top of his lungs:

“COOONNEEEEEEEEEEER!”

Tim had never been better, or at least that’s what he tells himself 50 times in a row. He chose to be in denial and deny he will. He sits on the floor of his best friend’s room and takes a deep calming breath of the fresh air coming through the window. It doesn’t smell like gritty cities or nosey reporters at all.

Conner finally comes back and hands him a bowl of popcorn before taking a seat by his side. He turns on the old television in his room. Tim smiles.

“Hey, your siblings are on the news,” Conner says.

Tim glances at the phone Conner is holding. It’s a picture of Steph walking into their building carrying Jason in her arms as one would carry a toddler, one arm supporting his bottom and the other pointing threateningly at the camera. There is no doubt in Tim's mind that they’re mimicking the meme on purpose. He doesn’t bother reading the headline. He doesn’t want to know. He simply puts the phone aside and hugs Conner.

“I don’t want to go back to Gotham ever again. Let me live here, please.”

Conner laughs. “Sure, Ma’s been trying to get me to kidnap you for a while now.”

“Good. I’m going to learn farm work. I’ll bring honor to us all.”

“Sure," Conner pets his hair. "It’s been a whole day now. You already miss Jason and Stephanie, don’t you?”

“...yeah.”

“I’ll fly you back home tonight.”

“Thanks, Conner, you’re the best.”

Despite everything, there’s no place like home.

#batfam #jason todd #tim drake #stephanie brown #red hood #red robin #batgirl #impulse control? idk her #i swear i was gonna wait to post it but lmao #i mean it's already written so #here take this

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ssaalexblake · 4 years

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Children Of Earth is... I don't wanna say edgelordy, but my fave DW eras have actual hope (or interrogate it like Chibnall era seems to be doing) and I'm just, tired of stories where everything goes wrong and everyone just ends up in perpetual despair. (Capaldi playing someone so broken and doormatty keeps making me think that 12 is doing a Family Of Blood though.)

i genuinely almost put the phrase edge lord in that text post, and only took it out at the last minute because i concede, the show is Kind of founded on the premise of being edgelord doctor who... And that was fine when it was mostly episodic, it stopped them going over too over the top, but the minute they decided to head in the direction of mini-series’ it was Too edgelord because there was no breathing room.

(i mean, they also benefited from the team dynamics being absolutely batshit when Tosh and Owen were there, and they couldn’t maintain Total Edgy Seriousness all the time without Somebody suggesting an end of the world threesome, so yeah, it worked, Rhys couldn’t carry it all on his own)

Honestly, i just think they went too far. I mean, sure, a genuinely compelling moral quandary was to be had, pretty much the same one as 13′s in villa of diodati, is it ok to sacrifice the few for the lives of the many? but Yikes. Some of their choices were.... Questionable.

It just think it had little personality, was one horrible thing after another with no breathing room and was Too plotty to really make me feel for anybody in the season. I cry like a Baby every time i watch tosh and owen die, like, genuine tears down my face, and i Really don’t like Owen. Ianto, whom i love, dies and i’m like... K then, sad because he’s dead but his death was just.... That. Probably doesn’t help that they tried to add drama by having him die in jack’s arms while totally ignoring that jack would be dying Exactly like ianto... he’d just walk it off later.

it’s all in the milking of the dramatics for me tbh, they overdid it and... I mean, not gonna rag on about their story choices, well plotted and sound and is definitely the most solid season story wise, but i agree, a series needs more than just bleak bleak bleak and then some misery on top for sprinkles. And the shock value killing off cast is Cheap as hell and while s2 is mostly the guilty one there, as it offed more cast members, they were both in the season till the finale so it didn’t affect anything... Unlike children of the earth, when it got really clear exactly what that meant for the story. Plus, you know, Tosh and Owen dying like that had tragic romance, almost romeo and juliet vibes, can’t Be together but can die together, it felt like something that in the end they were together even if they were only over comms, it doesn’t feel like bleak nothingness that they were a comfort to each other in the end to me.

There was no edge of comfort in coe because there was no resolution, just ruin in That death, imo.

Honestly all this just brings back why i’m gonna have to ignore torchwood as a show exists to have jack back in the dw universe. I mean, i Like slightly darker stories focusing around hope because pie in the sky hope stories annoy me (well, when in adult shows they do), also known as why i can’t finish star trek: tng, it feels so smug, so the track dw is on right now with the whole intense need to be hopeful but not actually being great at it is more my style... But it has to Actually Be Hopeful. Something has to go right. It can end badly for the hero character and still not be hopeless.

... and capaldi in it just weirds me out now, lol

#dw shit #cauldronofmorning #it's Kind of dw shit... i don't have a tag for the other one

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leagueofidiots · 5 years

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Happy Birthday Dabi!!!!

A.) Triggers!! Mentions of past abuse

B.) Shigadabi yeet

C.) I headcanon Jan 18 as the day Touya died, but I wrote this back when I thought his birthday was Dec 6 and I was too lazy to edit things, so,,, yeah

I've never been a huge believer in birthdays. Living with the Todorokis, I always spent it training or locked in my room, screaming and crying and begging for freedom. With Ujiko, they went by without my notice. On the streets, I only did something once. Just found a small alleyway and lit my fingertip on fire, singing to myself in an attempt to try to lift my mood. Honestly, it just made me more depressed.

It's just a day used as a mark of age. Not even worth mentioning. In fact, something to keep secret to everyone but yourself.

So it's beyond a surprise when I swing open the door of my room to be greeted with a loud shout of "Happy birthday!" ringing in my ears. My fellow league members stand in front of me, a small, messily frosted cupcake balanced in Toga's hands and held out to me.

"Guys, what are you doing?" I ask awkwardly. "Also, what day is it?"

"January eighteenth," says Compress. "Did we get our date wrong or something? We had to guess between today, February sixth, and November twelfth. Sources were somewhat unhelpful."

Was it my birthday already? I thought it wasn't for another week at least. Even so, how did they know? I'd carefully avoided the topic.

"You see, once you told us that you were…" begins Kurogiri, cutting himself off once he hits the name we all know he means. "Well, I decided to look you up. Just for a few simple things. Birthday, any interests I could find...I'm sorry if it seems invasive, but I thought it could help us better understand how to help you feel appreciated."

At first I'm put off by it. People knowing things about me I didn't tell them bothers me deeply. But the more I consider it, the less I mind. They care. And it's harmless, isn't it? It won't kill me to play along just for the day.

Toga waves the cupcake in my face. "Well, you gonna take it, Bacon Bits?" she asks gleefully.

I accept it, hesitantly taking a bite. "Mmmm. What'd you put in this thing?" I ask, mouth full. It tastes awful, and I feel my nose wrinkle in distaste despite myself. Between food in general, sweet food in general, and whatever the salty-bitter aftertaste is, I almost gag.

"Oh, crap, is that the wrong one? I put blood in one...I think that might be it. Sorry. It's either chocolate or blood."

Spinner gives her a sideways glance and a whispered, "Whose---"

I spit out the dark batter. "Definitely blood, but uh...You know, I'm good. Not big on sweets anyway."

"Oh!" She takes it back. "More for me then."

Jin drags me out to the common area, mask lifted enough to display a wide grin. "We couldn't do much, but we figured it'd at least be better than before we all knew each other, yeah?"

"Yeah, sure," I say. "You guys didn't have to do anything, you know."

"Yes we did," Shigaraki insists. "You're my right hand, it's only right we should give you at least one day for just you."

"Now we know you're more the type of guy to keep to yourself," says Magne, "so just let us spoil you for the next half hour, then you get to do whatever you want, okay?"

I nod again, shaking my wrist loose from Twice's grip. "Alright, I can deal with that. What did you guys have planned?"

Suichi quickly ties his scarf around my eyes, careful of his claws and my staples. "Hang tight for one sec."

There's a quick shuffling, accompanied by my teammates' voices muttering happily to each other. A portal opens, and a few moments later I'm allowed to see again.

The seven idiots I for some reason chose to live with sit in a half-circle on the floor at my feet, each holding grocery bags with diversely-shaped contents, one of Toga's hair ribbons tied and stuck on top of each. Atsuhiro smiles, and passes me his.

"You guys…" I say quietly. I'm not worth all this effort, all this money, all this time. It'd be better spent planning missions or buying food or really anything else. It's stupid of them to care so much about something---someone---so worthless.

"Not a word," says Jin, as if he can hear my thoughts. "You're worth it. We saved up for this."

It's not anything like when I was a kid, eagerly tearing open neatly and colorfully wrapped boxes, unsurprised at the high cost of the contents. I'd never thought I was worth any of it deep down, but the ritual was still exciting even if I spent it alone on most occasions. But this is nicer. People around me that actually care. I try to make myself accept it.

Baby wipes from Compress, saying he worries about me showering on the days my scars hurt particularly badly. A book from Spinner, saying he'd read it and thought I'd enjoy it. Eyeliner from Kenji, saying she'd tested it for tear-proofness. A sweater from Kurogiri, saying he'd knitted it himself. Several nail polishes from Himiko, saying she wanted to give me the pastel pink as soon as humanly possible. A My Chemical Romance CD from Twice, saying he wanted to listen to it with me sometime.

When it comes to Tomura, he simply tosses an empty plastic bag onto my lap. "I didn't buy anything."

"Some boyfriend you are," I say teasingly. Really, I'm somewhat grateful. As much as I want to feel wanted, I can't help but see the yen racking up, another day without food for the league, the people I care about most suffering as silently as they're able to.

"Yeah, yeah, shut up. My gift to you is that I will leave you alone." He doesn't smile or anything to indicate that he's kidding. "Won't hug you, or try to hold your hand, or anything. You're free."

I push myself off the couch onto my knees, trying to ignore the tugging at my staples. "Tomura…" How do I say it? I don't want to sound like I care too much or anything. "I don't want you to leave me alone. Just...Just when I ask you to, okay?"

Does he think I don't want him? It's difficult to treat him like I do when touch can be so suffocating, so terrifying. Especially with someone like him, who has described laying inches away from me without trying to cling to me like drowning.

I take his hands in mine, careful to leave his fingers to twitch anxiously away from mine. "You deserve to get what you want too."

Tomura smiles up at me, eyes shining a little bit with the effort to remain emotionless at my rare display of affection. "Well, what am I supposed to get you then?"

"Seeing you smile's enough," I say quietly. I regret it instantly.

"Oh, get a room," laughs Magne.

I roll my eyes, and shove myself back up onto the couch. "Thanks, Kenji."

"Always happy to help."

"Well, that's all we have," says Kurogiri, smile showing in his voice. "Let us know if we can do anything for you, but the rest of the day is all yours."

"Enjoy your alone time," says Suichi, helping pull me to my feet. "You're probably not gonna get any more for a long time."

And for once, the thought of being alone terrifies me. If I go alone in that room, how is it any better than those years I spent before the burns, the black hair, the overwhelming hatred?

"Actually, I'd rather hang out here," I say as if it's no matter, as if the thought of closing a door behind me won't send me spiralling back to that ten year old version of myself, screaming and pounding on my walls as a mix of tears and snot pour down my face.

"Oh. Alright, cool." Jin holds out another cupcake to me. "You're positive you don't want this?"

I shake my head, smiling a little. "Thank you guys. For this."

Toga grins. "Anything for our favorite edgelord."

Tomura pushes himself to his feet, snatching the cupcake from Twice. He takes a toungeful of the grainy-looking frosting and smirks at me, passing the cake back covered in saliva. I take his hand, his pinkie sticking out cautiously. "Happy birthday, Dabi." And looking around at them, I finally understand the phrase's meaning.

Click for quality

This is what he's jamming to: https://youtu.be/aWQ_r9nNHt0

youtube

#dabi #shigadabi #writing #I LOVE YOU SO MUCH DABI BB HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYY

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aviatrickss · 5 years

Text

Vox Machina episode 33!!!!

I think it’s really funny that they always describe it as “the gang helps Percy free his hometown from evil vampires!!!” when really Percy was like “y’all i’m gonna murder a lot of people come with or don’t idc”

They’re all so dumb like Percy’s wearing the Disguise Hat and standing in the dark and they’re all like “PERCY??? Hey PERCIEVAL do you recognize her??? PERCY??”

“You’re at the bottom of my list. (And I take off the hat)” AVHHHGGHHHHHGGHHHHHHHH

“My perception is passive as hell right now” snrjxhsjxbwb

Matt makes really good annoyed/disgruntled faces for Ripley lmao

Keyleth trying to talk Percy out of going after Anders and Grog making the throat slitting motion lmaoooo

VEX GIVING VAX PERMISSION TO GO OFF ALONE INTO THE STUDY DNSBCHSHXHSH

Everyone immediately realizing that’s a terrible mistake

JENGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he kicks the door open stupid dramatic bitch

GIVE CASS A HEALING POTION U MORON

Taliesin is having a fucking fit over his fake dnd sister im gonna die

28 FOR INITIATIVE PERCY IS FUCKING PISSSSSED

HULK VERSUS WOLVERINE SJRJEJXJW

Sndbxhshs Grog shrugging off the domination after beating the shit out of Vax in one round

SCANLAN’S FIRST COUNTERSPELL AWWW

Oh SHIT vax gets got

“Darling... take the mask off” jesus GOD my heart

Percy trying to clean himself up before he meets his long-lost sister and Matt’s just like “there’s a lot of gore :/“ and Taliesin’s faceeee dnanxnsnxbsb

Vax you STUPID dumbfuck idiot

Percy in the corner fucking coughing his lungs out from the shock of that dumbfuckery wjfnsnxja

And then Percy picking up Vex’s arrows bc he’s not an idiot suffering from bloodloss, but a normal(ish) dude keeping his crush quiet znsbdbwb

Oh no he just wants to beat the shit out of Vax lmao

“DON’T!!! GO!!! INTO ROOMS!!! BY YOURSELF!!! GODDAMIT!!!” Maybe my fave line in the series thus far ngl

Percy and Cass hug I’m cry

Cass is like “yeah I’m gonna fight them too” and Percy just loses all coherant thought and also his powers of speech true elder sibling mood

Percy immediately regretting finding his sister, an even bigger elder sibling mood

Percy nonchalantly asking Grog to put Professor’s Anders’ blown apart corpse in the Bag of Holding???

“You shat in the kitchen???”

Scanlan playing with Ripley’s gun and Percy going “this is LITERALLY how she lost her hand” dnejxjwjxbshxhs

Cass talking about how she’s worried about Simon who VM fuckin tortured and currently has locked up in their dungeon and fucking Vax just being like “that’s the name of my belt as well :)”

Scanlan turning them all into Percy and Cassandra was already funny but the idea of Grog as this fuckin jacked 10ft tall Percy who is just also There is HILARIOUS

RIP Percy, Scanlan, and Vex. Travis is absolutely ready to have possessed!Grog murder them all sjsjdhwhdbwhz

Percy’s gun jamming when he tries to shoot possessed!Vax.... dare I say true love

VAX’S STUPID DIY SERENRAE GLOVE WORKED!!!! PIKE TO THE RESCUE!!!!!

Really mad at Scanlan for not pulling a “if any spirits are listening... does this sound like Shakira? LELOLOLELOLELOLEEE

Vax and Percy hacky-sackying a ghost between them and Vax stabbing/punching Percy to try and save him..... I hate these fuckin edgelords

“You can use your bonus action to throw me the gun!” “Um.... no!”

Taliesin makes the FUNNIEST face when they find out Cass is a rogue, he’s really just like.... surprised.... and disappointed

Between casting the Spirit Guards and doing some healing, Scanlan really Cleric’d up this fight. I think Pike would be proud :)

Percy going “oh for the love of” when the ghost who just got yeeted out of his unconcious body decides to kick him when he’s down jenejdjwjzjwns

(Vax going to stand between Percy and the angry ghost)

SCANLAN SHAMING ONE OF PERCY’S ANCESTORS TO DEATH WJXNWNXSNNZ

“DON’T!!!!!!! Loot my family’s crypt!!”

#i love these morons so much #critical role #delete later

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idlecreature · 5 years

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The Volturi sorted by ABBA song

This list came straight out of my wine-soaked brain on Saturday night, when a friend threw an ABBA-themed party and we danced and belted out lyrics until the early morning. I’m not familiar with ABBA’s entire discography, so this list is restricted to their better-known songs (aka, the ones on my friend’s playlist). Let’s get into this:

Aro - Voulez-Vous

And here we go again, we know the start, we know the end Masters of the scene

Voulez-Vous is one of ABBA’s more upbeat, faster songs. The lyrics are particularly Aro-ish to me because, although the singer is describing a familiar dance, they still find its rhythms exhilarating. Aro’s someone who loves his immortality and lives with flair. He’s a curious soul, and the song’s title (”do you want?”) fits his whole shtick. He definitely wants.

Marcus - Chiquitita

Your love’s a blown-out candle All is gone and it seems too hard to handle

The ultimate heartbreak song. I immediately imagined Aro teasingly serenading Marcus with this song, and I still can’t get that image out of my head.

Caius - Super Trouper

Part of a success that never ends Still, I’m thinking about you only

I’ll admit, this song is a bit of a stretch, but hear me out. Super Trouper is sung by someone at the end of their music career, sick of being up on stage under the blinding lights. Despite all of the Trouper’s successes, they are only, ultimately, revitalized by their special someone. Caius is a kind of performer, right? Acting as the Volturi’s chief Justicar, traveling around the world, holding trials, and punishing the law-breakers must be incredibly draining after centuries and centuries. But…Caius is also an incredibly loyal person, knitted closely with his coven. Kicking back after a hard day of judge, jury, and executioner and calling his coven-mates on the phone, and knowing that he’s doing it all for them, to make the world a slightly better place. That’s the Super Trouper in Caius.

Sulpicia - Head Over Heels

Pushing through unknown jungles every day She’s a girl with a taste for the world

This song was such a shoo-in for Sulpicia. The nervy string beat, lyrics about lace and running gauntlets. Patting her husband’s head and saying “that’s all very fine”. This song is all glamour and gritted teeth, and that’s Sulpicia.

Athenodora - When All Is Said And Done

Standing calmly at the crossroads, no desire to run There’s no hurry any more when all is said and done

The singer’s resigned air, the unflinching look at the state of their life, the brutal honesty. All very Athenodora-y. She’s a nomad at heart, “a bird of passage”, and I think she’s always viewed the Volturi as a temporary gig. She’s expecting it to fall, and she has an exit plan for when it does.

Chelsea - Lay All Your Love On Me

Don’t go sharing your devotion Lay all your love on me

Chelsea’s desperation to be loved, and her possessiveness and jealousy are her central character traits. The melodramatic electronic organ, the chorus of voices, the unscrupulous lyrics, and general extraness of this song are all very Chelsea. The lyric “I’ve had a few little love affairs…I used to think that was sensible” is just….so accurate, and shows how calculated Chelsea has been in her relationships.

Felix - Take A Chance On Me

Gonna do my very best, and it ain’t no lie If you put me to the test if you let me try

Felix can be angsty, but he’s not a total Edgelord like some of his fellow coven-mates. He’s upbeat, loyal, a mum friend, a bro, a shoulder to cry on, and often overlooked. He’s often the first to volunteer for missions because, for personal reasons, he’s got a lot to prove. Tireless earnestness and inner strength are qualities expounded in this song, which are Felix’s very best qualities.

Demetri - Angel Eyes

You’ll think you’re in paradise And one day you’ll find out he wears a disguise

Demetri lives for the drama. He’s the king of illicit affairs, and I imagine he’s had carefully-constructed whirlwind romances with European nobles, seduced gentile Victorian ladies taking in the Italian air, and had elusive entanglements with humans in clubs. He can treat his human partners flippantly, but they don’t forget about him. A human partner who probes him a little too deeply finds themselves playing a very dangerous game…

Heidi - So Long

So long! See ya, honey Can’t buy me with your money

Obviously, because of her gift, Heidi is very conflicted about her own body. Like that Margaret Atwood quote about male fantasies, she’s always reminded that her body is a performance for others. She gets constant offers, but she’s very selective in her lovers. Her rejections can be pretty blithe; “so long! you know it’s not worth trying” pretty much sums it up.

Afton - The Name Of The Game

And you make me show What I’m trying to conceal

Afton’s a recent addition to the Volturi guard, and he’s there for one reason: his relationship with Chelsea. He’s her polar opposite - bashful, reclusive, a wallflower. He’d long given up on relationships by the time he arrived in Volterra, and suddenly this 3,000-year-old vampire was very into him. It was a confusing, colourful courtship, and he’s still pinching himself. I can see him looking at his powerful partner and thinking “what’s her game?”.

Santiago - Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! a man after midnight Won’t somebody help me chase the shadows away?

Santiago’s here for a fun time, not a long time. He signed up with the Volturi before they had Jane and Alec when the death toll was high, and he’s prepared for the day the twins’ gifts fail, and he has to step up to the plate again. He’s susceptible to melancholy and hates to be alone, although his relationships often don’t last the night. The longing for glamour and company in this song make it a perfect fit for Santiago.

Corin - The Winner Takes It All

The gods may throw a dice, their minds as cold as ice And someone way down here loses someone dear

Look, Kyilliki’s convinced me that Corin is hopelessly in love with her bosses’ wife. Even though sometimes her love is reciprocated, Corin knows the outcome of the affair is a foregone conclusion. But Corin loves, hopelessly. She knows her role is auxiliary, she sticks to the rules, waiting in the wings, for the day she gets to prove herself. “Rules must be obeyed, the judges will decide, the likes of me abide”. Ya. Sad face.

Renata - Andante, Andante

Make me sing, make me sound Tread lightly on my ground

This softly-sung, theatrical song suits Renata. Although Renata would easily give up her life to protect the ones she loves, is faultlessly kind and overtly welcoming, she actually doesn’t love easily. She’s gentle, non-confrontational, needs reassurance. It takes her time to warm up to people; and even then, she half-expects relationships to fail. I imagine her singing the end of the song, especially the singer’s last forlorn cry.

#volturi #twilight #ABBA #Another silly list!#the idea just crawls into my head and then this happens #I'm a categorical creature #what can I say?#do I need to explain why jane and alec are missing from this list? As far as I know all of ABBA's songs are about adult relationships #also I typed this up from a list I made on my phone at like 3am lol

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wildshadowtamer · 5 years

Text

Home & Thunder (Reader)

Thanks to @thunderstruck-edgelord for the idea of a thunderstorm and reader fanfic! (Gotta say, i’m a bit obsessed with this blog)

Warnings: Mentions of Bitty Abandonment and off-screen character death

Notes: The Reader character is androgynous, that’s why everyone says “Them” (just so it makes it easier for you to imagine yourself)

Characters: Lamia bitties belong to @vex-bittys, ‘Beta’ belongs to Luna #MLT #ACT on UTAU Amino.

You were heading home in a horrible late-night thunderstorm, rain pouring down harshly and the wind stinging your eyes, you pulled your jacket closer to you as you run through the horrid weather when you suddenly stop.

A sharp whining hit your ears and you look around to see where it came from “Hello?” You asked worried, wondering if someone or something was crying for help, the whining got louder, whatever it was must have heard you.

It came from an alleyway, dark and dusty, you decided to approach carefully, despite the horrible conditions. Lightning struck, and a high-pitched scream came from a soaked through cardboard box labelled ‘FRAGILE’, Something alive was under it.

“Oh...You poor thing...” You mutter under your breathe as you approached, another flash of white and loud crack hit the air, making the creature under the box scream in fright again. “It’s alright, just...come out, I’ve got you.” You told it in a calm, quiet tone.

You soon realize it can’t lift the pathetic box it was hiding under, so you carefully lift it enough to look underneath and- ...its four tiny skeletons, about 8 inches tall.

“What…What are you doing here?” You asked, reaching your hand out cautiously towards them, the smallest quickly latched onto your hand and cried, to which you quickly put your hand to your chest and hold him calmly, your free hand once again reaching out to the other three.

“…I don’t trust you.” One of them spoke, crossing its arms angrily but another strike of lightning quickly changed its mind as it grabbed the remaining two skeletons and got onto your hand, so you could safely put them in your fluffy jacket, now soaked in water.

“Let’s get you four home.” You spoke to them silently, getting up and running at a slower pace than before back to your apartment, after about 20 minutes you arrived at the apartment block you lived in and unlocked the metal door, sighing as it closed with a dull thud.

The sound of rain echoed through the empty hallways as you hurried upstairs and opened your door “Here we are, you three.” You mutter to the tiny skeletons hidden in your jacket, which you now unzipped once reaching the Livingroom. You laid them down on the couch and realized only one had legs, the other three had beautiful snake tails:

One had a striking orange and red tail, the second had a beautiful black and white tail and the last, smallest one had a striped red and yellow tail.

“Oh…wow those ar-“ You got cut off by lightning and another scream from the smallest, who latched onto the orange tailed one quickly, Orange, as you promptly named him, hushed Stripe and stroked his skull, coiling around him protectively from the storm.

You decided to try your best at muffling the storm, drawing the blinds and curtains over the Livingroom window, holding the small skeletons close to your chest as you laid on the couch and put a lullaby CD into the old radio on your coffee table.

“Shhh, close your eyes and goodnight~” You sung quietly along with the music, the storm seemed to drown out quickly as the ball of skeletons on your chest purred softly, you draped a fluffy pink blanket over all of you before sleep claimed you all.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

When you awoke, you saw the four tiny skeletons still laying on your chest, snoring. It was cute, to say the least, so sat up and adjusted them carefully.

“Oh, hello.” Stripe, as you named him, lifted his head and tried to smile but ended up stifling a sob, holding his hands to his face. “I-I’m not crying, s-shut up!” He hissed before you could even speak, seems like he didn’t like people seeing him upset.

“The storms gone, its okay.” You hushed the shaking skeleton, stroking him with two fingers, scared to hurt him on accident.

“I-I don’t care! Its not like it cared me…or anything.” He mumbled angrily, wiping the tears from his eyes quickly and jumped as Orange awoke.

“Huh? Oh, hello human!” Orange sat up quickly, grinning and propping both arms on his hips “I’m very thankful you saved us last night, your very kind!” Orange blush dusted his cheeks, hugged the happy skeletons side as soon as Orange awoke.

“Um, I don’t mean to be rude but why were you four under a box?” You questioned carefully, scared one of them might bite, they were snakes after all. “Well…” Orange began, keeping eye contact while rubbing circles into Stripe’s back “I’m not too sure about the others but from what Beta and the Krait had told me, most of us either got abandoned or lost.” He looked away, his smile fading.

“Oh…you poor-“ You stopped, realizing you had no idea what they were. “Lamia Bitties, except for Beta…She isn’t a Lamia” Orange helpfully explained, you took a mental note of researching these Bitties.

“Right. How horrible…” You frowned, stroking Orange’s tail with your fingers softly “Its alright! I know my owners name, so you can bring me right back him once we’re feeling better!” He beamed happily, Stripe whined at the mention of an owner which made Orange flinch slightly.

“H-Huh? Oh, h-h-hi!” The one Orange referred to as ‘Krait’ woke up and waved shyly, his eyes already filled with tears “I-I-I’m…” He trailed off, pulling the tiny scarf he had wrapped around his neck to his mouth “Most of us don’t have names, Beta’s the only one who had an owner who named her.” Orange once again helpfully added in softly, you already fixed that issue

“Well, I already kinda figured out names, if you want them.” You smiled, Orange and Krait’s eyes lit up with different emotions: Orange had excitement and Krait had hope.

“Really!? Well, go ahead!” Orange quickly cheered you on, bouncing with excitement “Alright then um…” You scanned the three lamias’, you already knew what to call Orange and Stripe, obviously but Krait was harder.

“Orange,” You pointed to him, he giggled happily “Stripe,” He grumbled and nodded “and Kayra” You smiled at Kayra, who teared up and squeaked before hugging you frantically “Thank you thank you thank you!” He kept repeating, shaking from crying and joy.

“Aw…it okay little…Kayra” The realization that you didn’t know their gender hit you, as they were skeletons, you just presumed they were all guys…oops.

“Umm, what…gender are you guys…?” You mumble awkwardly, Orange chuckled and grinned “Me and Stripe are guys, Beta and Kayra are girls. Don’t worry, I know its hard to tell” He reassured you, coiled around Stripe on your lap. Kayra was still shaking and hugging you, your damp jacket still on.

“Oh, hah, good. Nearly misgendered ya, Kayra!” you joked, you felt Kayra shakily chuckle and then suddenly jump away when you sneezed “Oh…oops, sorry Kayra” You were quick to apologies, but she just seemed a bit shocked if anything.

“Ugh…I shouldn’t have slept in wet clothes…” You muttered, picking them up and putting them on the couch as you got up, a shiver ran down your spine from the cold you have, and Orange snickered behind you “I’ll be right back” You told them as you walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

[Orange’s POV]

The human walked off to what I presumed to be the shower, as soon as she was out of sight, the newly named Stripe spoke up “Their….nice, actually.” I Nodded in agreement, smiling “Mhm! Not everyone would rescue Bitties they don’t know!” I smiled at Stripe, who blushed slightly and looked away nervously “Hah…y-yeah.”

“I Wonder If they’ll keep us…” Kayra mumbled quietly, I turned to her and put my hand on her shoulder comfortingly “Don’t worry! I’m sure she’ll keep you three, I have an owner after all. If she doesn’t, I’m sure she’ll bring you to a nice home where you’ll be loved!”

Kayra smiled and fidgeted with her sweater sleeves, nodding shyly “Y-yeah, that sounds good.” She agreed, coiling around the still sleeping Beta “Is…she gonna wake up ooor?” I asked in a joking way, but it did seem she was fast asleep, I didn’t blame her, it was a bad night after all.

“Alright, I’m back!” The Human called, a towel wrapped around their body and hair, which was making it hard to tell what they were aside from human “Oh! Human, we forgot to do formal introductions!” I slither forward to the edge of the couch where the Human knelt, I held out a hand “Hello! I’m Orange, its very nice to meet you!” I grinned when the human took my small hand and bowed “Hey, I’m Y/N, very nice to meet you oh great Orange!” They joked happily, acting like I was a king, which I didn’t mind at all.

Stripe snickered at the sight and red blush dusted his cheeks, I couldn’t help but blush too and laugh, which sent Y/N into a laughing fit too. By the time we had settled down, all our ribs hurt, and we were struggling to catch our breathe

“Wow Haha…I haven’t had company like you three for a while!” Y/N sighed happily, still giggling a bit “So, do you know your Owners number?” She asked, looking at me since I was the one to mention knowing my Owners name, thankfully, I did. “Here, I’ll put it in your phone!” I gestured for the phone laying on the coffee table next to the radio “Oh yeah, forgot I left it here.” I heard Y/N mutter under their breathe, passing it to me carefully, I tapped in the number and started to text my Owner

???: Hey, it’s your Papython, got lost last night and a human helped me!

It took a few minutes of idle chatting between Me and Y/N for him to answer

Owner: Thank god Paps! I was so worried you got hurt in that thunderstorm! I’ll come pick you up!

I looked up from the phone and cocked my head at Y/N, quickly asking what the address was and texting it to my Owner, as well as Y/N’s name.

Owner: Right, be over there on my motorbike in half an hour, I know how much you love riding in the sidecar!

“Okay, he’ll be over in a half hour!” I told Y/N happily, they nodded, and I carried Stripe, Beta and Kayra to the floor to talk easier

“So, what’d you do with your owner?” Y/N asked quickly, I shuffled closer “Well I actually go on long rides with him on his motorbike and do woodcarving with him some days! We’ve gone paintballing and mountain climbing, we even went snorkeling a few times!”

I talked about all the cool things we’ve done for the half hour until the apartment door knocked and I heard my owners muffled voice “HI!” I yelled, making Stripe and Kayra flinch. Y/N got up and opened the door, to which I followed them.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

[Regular POV]

You open the door to see a young blonde teen with beautiful blue eyes in black biker gear, he held out his free hand, the other holding his helmet under his arm.

“Nice to meet you sweetheart, I’m Owen, I presume you’re the one with my Papython?” He asked as you took his hand and nodded “Yup! I kinda gave him a nickname, actually.” You mentioned, putting your hands on your hips, not realizing you still were in a towel.

“Oh? I’ve been meaning to name him, actually. What’d you choose?” He asked, not even mentioning the towel “Orange, I thought it suited him!” You blush and laugh, shuffling to the side when you feel Orange nudge your leg “Speak a’ the devil”

“Hi Owen!” He grinned “Y/N’s been super nice to me!” Owen knelt down and picked him up, to which Orange sat on his shoulder “That’s great bud, hey,” He focused his attention on you “Thanks. It means a lot to me that someone would take him in like that.” You felt your face going red “Oh it’s no problem! Nothing I can’t handle” You laugh nervously, giving Orange a thumbs up.

“Anywho, we got a motorbike waiting, don’t we bud?” Owen glanced at Orange, who lit up and nodded excitedly, You two say your goodbyes and you close the door, clothing realization finally settling in.

“…oh my god Hes gonna think I’m so weird.” You shook your head, in disbelief that you just did that. “Pff- nice job.” Stripe snickered from the couch, you turned around, face as red as his tail, and quickly walk off to your bedroom to get dressed.

#is this a fanfic?#super proud i did this #Home & Thunder #Made a whole new blog for this.#lamia bitty #Nevvi bitty

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guardiandae · 5 years

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Meta/Commentary Part 1: A Little ‘XO’ Wouldn’t Go Amiss

(Spoilers below)

Wade finally learned his roomie's real name on day two, when the proposed nickname of 'Priscilla' was rejected via stabbing.

"Y'know- I usually know a guy's name before I let him penetrate me," Wade joked, gritting through the pain.

"My name is Nathan Summers. You can call me Nate. Or you can shut your whore mouth."

I’m gonna say this right now so when I finally finish the sequel of this fic, nobody can cry foul or anything or pretend that I didn’t plan everything all along from the very start of this journey: There’s a reason why Nate stabbed Wade and it’s not just to be an edgelord. This fic starts written in Wade’s POV and then switches to Nate’s, and there is so much more info revealed from Nate’s perspective that changes how interactions are colored. In the sequel, it’s not written in that style but eventually you will understand Nate’s POV and be able to look back on this (and other moments) and be like, Ah. I spent a few months just agonizing over this fic planning. The levels of depth going on here, you don’t know.

Also it’s hilarious because, the movie never really establishes Cable’s real name so hi, it’s Nathan Summers. Scott Summers’ (Cyclops)’s son, but like... older than him because future and time traveling hijinks or whatever. This is only important because like, daddy issues.

technically they were even sleeping together, even if Nate slept in the only bedroom because he'd called dibs and Wade slept on the couch in a pile of fast food wrappers.

Denial.

Living with Nate was weird after living with Vanessa for so long. No more kisses -- not like he wanted any.

Denial!

Usually when Wade got home, Nate was never there. Hours later when Nate did come back, he'd just go to bed. Other times, Wade was hired for jobs that took days of travel to complete. There was little interaction between them and they barely saw each other, so Wade took to leaving little notes behind.

[Went to get milk. And also to put a cap in someone's ass. He's a bad guy though, so don't worry. I'll be home late. xoxo] [Forgot the milk. Also didn't cap the guy so I didn't get paid. Can you pick some up while you're out? xoxo]

So much info in one little spot. Nate only sees them as roommates, as a living arrangement and tenuous partnership to serve as an end to both of their needs. Nate has a place to live, and his only responsibility, as we learn in his POV, is to pay the rent on Wade’s behalf, with Wade’s money, because Wade is a disaster and his memory is getting worse. Not only is Wade just an annoying person who can’t take anything seriously, in his incorrect opinion, but there’s that level of guilt for feeling like a freeloader when Nate is the kind of person who’s had to fight just to survive his entire life. Wade’s little notes are so sweet, but to Nate, 1. weird 2. is this a joke? 3. stop reminding me of how much you care and meanwhile i can barely bring myself to write a note back, aaaaaa

I need to remember to revive the note-leaving between them in the sequel. It’s too cute, I can’t stand it.

Mercenary jobs had become harder to come by, and then work dried up. It was almost like nobody wanted to pay a guy to kill people anymore. As if there could ever be a shortage of people in the world who needed to die. But when one door closes, another opens -- everywhere he went, he suddenly saw slews of missing persons flyers. Wade had never noticed how many there were before, but he took it as a sign. He'd always wanted to try his hand at being a P.I. and Wade hadn't realized that the market was booming with families desperate to find loved ones. He offered his services as a private dick to several different people, but every single case was unsolvable. It was like they'd just vanished into thin air, but he knew that wasn't possible. It was frustrating to realize he was such a lousy dick.

Spoilers, but this is when the Thanos snap happens, and Wade is completely oblivious. Could someone who can be so devastatingly observant really be so obtuse? Or is his mind just protecting itself from such an incomprehensible reality that everyone else is suddenly saddled with? These are things Nate wonders later as well. Even I don’t know for sure. (I haven’t watched End Game and there’s still more plotline to tackle during the Snap, don’t @ me about how Marvel did it, I don’t know and I don’t care, I have my own plans) (By the way, characters will either be snapped or inexplicably alive, and that’s not a plot hole, that’s the joke. Welcome to Marvel, the writers never fucking make sense and I don’t have to either, YEET)

[Someone tried to sell a metal arm on the black market????!! It better be Bucky's and not yours. Not like I care.] [It was Bucky's.]

Rip Buckkyyyyyy lmaooo

But also, cryyyy because Nate is busy trying to help deal with absolute fucking chaos and he didn’t really stop to consider whether Wade would be wondering what happened to him. Ow. Yeah, I think Wade definitely subconsciously registered what happened and is in total denial of reality. It’s better that way. Nobody fucking tell him.

There was nothing that he hated more than being ignored. Might as well just talk to himself. Which he did a lot of lately.

Foreshadowing.

All of the warmth left his body at once, leaving him a little breathless and dizzy. He was vaguely aware of Nate looking at him, but it was less of a 'you're home' and more of a ' why are you here?'

This whole area of the fic hurts so good because I’m gay and I love drama.

Wade coming home, literally bleeding to death on the inside and in shock because, once again, everything went to shit for him, story of his life. And he sees Nate just there, dressed down, relaxed, and has this little flash of domestic happiness because he so desperately wishes that the domestic happiness was real and that Nate actually was waiting for him and happy to see him come home, and the hard snap back to reality where Nate doesn’t even like him is soooo fucking painful lol end me. And on top of that, he misread Nate’s concern as hate/disgust for him bc that’s what he’s used to, and then he passes out on the floor and wakes up with Nate over him because I’m gay and I love drama!!!!

"Wade, you died for a second," Nate told him. Wade couldn't quite tell if Nate was concerned for him or just annoyed. "I had to pull a piece of metal pipe from your chest. Can you tell me what happened?"

"I got a… pipe in my chest," Wade said, pausing for breath. His lungs felt wet and heavy. He should've left the pipe in.

"Very illuminating," Nate deadpanned, letting go. "Anything else I should know?"

This moment where Nate is so very fucking concerned for Wade, but then Wade cracks a weak joke, because that’s how he copes, and Nate is like, wow, fuck it, so much for being worried about you.

[[SCREAMS IN GAY.]]

These thoughts didn't feel like his own, even though they had his voice. His mind was always scattered, full of thoughts that flowed nonstop like a babbling brook. Sometimes it took a lot of conscious effort to reign himself in and make sense of his own head. But these just popped out of nowhere, in bold print, in boxes that were separate from everything else.

"Am I going nuts?" he wondered aloud, whispering to himself, because honestly, he was a little afraid of his own head right now.

(A little late to be asking that.)

And this is when the ‘boxes’ manifest for Wade. But in this fic, the voices that manifest in his head are his own intrusive, negative thoughts. The depression, the loneliness, the self-hatred, the belief and fear that Nate hates him too.

I’m gonna recap vs a full copy and paste because the next bit is long:

-Wade is coughing up blood clots from his lungs in the morning, or trying to. -Nate is disgusted but also sympathetic and offers to help Wade out. -A really layered conversation occurs.

“Maybe if I drown myself in the bathtub, the blood clots will rinse out. What d'you think?"

Wade’s exhausted. Joking, but also dead serious. Nate is concerned about Wade making such a dark joke, but he also can tell that Wade really is struggling.

“I’ll help you.”

“Really?” Wade is relieved Nate wants to help him, at first, but then remembers he just said he wanted to drown himself in a bathtub, and becomes disheartened again because he remembers Nate doesn’t like him. “Oh. Yeah.”

From Wade’s point of view: Nate just offered to help Wade kill himself, because of course someone would get a kick out of drowning him, he’s annoying, yadda yadda.

From Nate’s point of view: Wade isn’t okay and he offered to help him with his problem, because he sounds desperate and Nate doesn’t think that jokes will help Wade with his mental state, nor will the drowning actually do anything to solve the problem (the blood clots festering in his lungs).

"I bet you'd love to hold me down and watch me struggle," he said, still thinking about the drowning idea. Then, in a flirtatious tone, "I'll make it good for you, baby. Just promise me we'll do it face to face."

From Wade’s POV: He’s making a joke about Nate drowning him, but also making a sex joke to make it funny, to mock Nate if he really does want to drown Wade, so maybe he wouldn’t do it, or maybe it’d be weird and interesting.

From Nate’s POV: Wade is flirting with him, and his humor and still really dark and Nate really shouldn’t laugh at it or encourage that kind of thing.

From Wade’s POV, seeing Nate trying not smile: ah holy fuck he really wants to drown me.

"I don't want to watch you struggle," Nate said. If he did, he'd just leave Wade alone to keep coughing up blood.

"Ah. Consensual," Wade nodded. "Okay, well, I'd be open to some over-the-clothes stuff, and whatever happens while I'm still dead doesn't count."

Nate couldn't help but laugh. "I don't think we're having the same conversation."

Wade is continuing the joke, because from his POV he’s like, whelp, this might as well be what happens.

But they really aren’t having the same conversation. There’s more like, four different conversations happening at once. Wade’s very sincere idea of drowning himself as a solution to his problems, and Wade joking about Nate drowning him as a sexual innuendo. Nate interpreting Wade’s dark humor as a shitty attempt at flirting that he neither wants to encourage nor outright shoot down, and Nate offering to give Wade a better solution to fix his actual problem.

And Nate’s solution is to use his telekinesis to just... remove all the shit from Wade’s lungs. But he didn’t communicate that idea with Wade before just doing it, even if he did ask permission, so that’s pretty shitty and hence why we had to add the ‘Nonconsensual Telekinetic Heimlich Maneuver’ tag. smh

"That was dubious at best and now we have to add a warning in the tags," Wade sighed. "Non-consensual telekinetic Heimlich maneuver…. This is problematic now. People aren't gonna click on this."

This is a good spot to stop for now and continue in another post.

#self meta #reread #a little xo wouldn't go amiss

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keelywolfe · 4 years

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FIC: Snowdrifts ch.3 (spicyhoney)

Summary: Edge is still adjusting to the new status quo

Tags: Spicyhoney, Violence, Rescued Child, Medical Experimentation, Babybones

Read it on AO3

Read it here!

~~*~~

It wasn’t particularly late, especially for a movie night, but Edge was already in bed, lying on the same mattress on the floor that he’d slept in the night before. In the corner of the room was a dresser drawer lovingly lined with blankets, but otherwise empty. Its intended occupant was on the mattress where she was not supposed to be, carefully tucked between the wall and Edge.

Snow was lying on her back in a sprawl, her little hands lying next to her skull and fingers curled into loose fists. Her knees were drawn up, the socks sewn onto her pajama bottoms concealing and protecting her tiny feet. Her sockets were closed, her mouth working occasionally, dreaming of tomorrow’s bottle. Once, she startled, all her limbs going stretched and stiff. She settled back with a sigh when Edge reached over to lay a hand on her ribcage. Sleeping soundly, which was exactly what Edge was supposed to be doing.

Before he and Stretch took Snow upstairs to bed, they and their brothers came to a tentative agreement. For him and Stretch, if the child woke at night then only one of them would get up at a time to give the other a chance to sleep. Red would take her for a few hours in the morning, at least until he found work, and Blue would watch her in the afternoon for an hour or two after his work and training. Out of all of them, Blue had the most rigid schedule and despite his disappointment, he reluctantly agreed it was for the best.

Right now was supposed to be Edge’s chance to sleep, the next feeding would go to Stretch. Despite his exhaustion, his body didn’t seem to have gotten the message. It was far more accustomed to staying up until the wee hours of the morning, then snatching a few hours of sleep before heading out to check the trapline around Snowdin. The best he could do was resist the urge to shift restlessly to keep from waking Stretch.

At least his bed companion wasn’t having any issues, not that it was particularly surprising. Stretch had never met a nap he didn’t like, and he was out cold, sprawled out on the mattress behind Edge in a pose that was amusingly similar to Snow’s.

It was strange. He’d never really slept with Stretch simply to sleep. Always before it had been preluded by some kind of sex act and even if he felt up to indulging, which he decidedly did not, he wasn’t about to allow any shenanigans in the same bed as a sleeping child.

Stretch never said a word when Edge laid the baby on the side of the bed where she’d ended up sleeping the night before. He’d only shook his head and said, “gonna let me stay on the mattress this time? i’m still a little floored from last night’s sleeping arrangement.”

Nothing else, not even a little sly flirting. He’d crawled into the bed next to Edge, slung an arm around him, and quickly fallen asleep. Edge wasn’t sure what to think about that. That afternoon, he’d said that this wasn’t about debts or fucking, but he supposed he’d still been expecting…he wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting—

(maybe let me love you, too? just a little?)

--but now was not the time to figure it out. He closed his sockets and firmly told himself that he needed to sleep. Right now.

He lay there, practically feeling the minutes ticking by and with a quiet sigh, he opened his sockets again irritably. The baby hadn’t stirred, utterly unmoved by his inner turmoil. One should admire the ability to ignore unnecessary distractions, certainly his brother would, and behind his wry jealousy came the sudden, ridiculous urge to wake her.

Not out of petty spite, never, it was his simple desire to see her awake, smiling and happy as she raised her hands to him so that he could hold her as long as he liked, something he had yet to manage.

That evening, she’d woken halfway through the movie, some ridiculous heist flick that Edge mostly ignored in favor of watching Snow breathing, a far more interesting sight in his opinion. Until she woke, that was, and then she spent her time being passed from lap to lap, only returning to him when the Tale brothers left for home and by then she’d been yawning again, ready for a hopefully longer sleep that night.

Only Sans hadn’t held her. Edge saw his expression when Papyrus offered their home if they ever wanted another universe to try. It wasn’t obvious, only a twitch of his socket, a slight tightening of his jaw. Edge didn’t ask, he wasn’t about to press Snow on anyone. He’d declined Papyrus’s offer with the excuse that he didn’t want to try bringing her through the machine portal again anytime soon, and Papyrus accepted that readily despite his obvious disappointment.

Snow had drowsed off before the door even closed behind them and Edge couldn’t help being disappointed that he’d spent so little time with her. He’d have plenty of opportunity to see her awake, he reminded himself. Tomorrow the Swap brothers would be returning to their duties and his brother would be going out to search for his version of gainful employment. He’d be spending plenty of time alone with her and the idea was both thrilling and intimidating. For all that he wanted to care for her, it would be their first time together without Red or Stretch lingering close by. What would he do if something went wrong? If she were hurt or she began to cry and refused to be soothed, what if she choked or—

“you’re supposed to be sleeping.”

Edge did not flinch, but it was a close thing. He hadn’t even noticed Stretch waking. “I’m resting.”

“uh huh.” Stretch rolled over and snugged up behind Edge, dragging the blankets closer around them both. Despite the bareness of their bones, his embrace was more soothing than sexual, his thumb gently rubbing Edge’s spine between his shoulders where stress gathered. “s’ok edgelord, her new car smell will wear off eventually.”

“She doesn’t smell like a car,” Edge said, offended. She smelled like a combination of milky-sweet and clean lavender soap, as a child should.

“i didn’t…nevermind,” Stretch chuckled and pressed a light kiss against the back of Edge’s skull. "scared she's gonna disappear if you stop looking at her?"

"Yes."

It was the wrong thing to say. Stretch was teasing, the question an easy, shallow one. His answer should have been the same, not pulled from the deepest quagmire of his soul.

Behind him, Stretch went briefly still, then his arm around Edge tightened almost to the point of pain. His own version of making sure no one disappeared, perhaps, that if he held on tightly enough Edge would stay. Unnecessary, Edge had no intention of going any further than the kitchen for a warm bottle. He said nothing, only leaned back into that embrace, guiltily indulging in its warmth as he kept his gaze on the peacefully sleeping baby who knew nothing of the upheaval she’d caused.

"she's not going anywhere," Stretch said. There was an unexpected fierceness in his words, whispered low against the side of Edge’s skull, his breath gusting down lightly over Edge’s cracked socket. "you and me? we aren't letting her go, not for anything, you get me?"

Edge closed his sockets. Tried not to let the sudden surge of emotion deep in his chest work its way loose to rattle away in any of the rest of his bones. He didn’t want to wake the baby. "Yes."

"do you?" Stretch persisted, "i'm being really real here, i won't let anything happen to her, okay? i promise you."

The intensity of that promise settled a lingering uneasiness in his soul, one that had stirred to new life at Sans’s question about Underfell; Stretch was not one to break a promise and despite his lazy nature, Edge trusted him to keep his word. It wasn’t only him and Red who would stand for her, Stretch would keep her safe at any cost. That was something Edge could believe in.

“Thank you,” Edge said quietly.

“heh, told you before, you don’t have to thank me for this. you still don’t.”

Edge said nothing. Stretch was correct, but not in the way he thought. There was no gratitude that would be enough for what he’d offered, no polite social contract could compensate for what was priceless. His was a debt that would never be paid and yet, somehow, that bothered him less than it would have only a day ago.

Edge sighed and let himself relax back into Stretch’s arms, letting the dual sound of those breathing around him lull him to sleep.

tbc

#spicyhoney #papcest #keelywolfe #underfell #underswap #underfell papyrus #underswap papyrus #drifters

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sinceileftyoublog · 5 years

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Riot Fest Sucks

BY JORDAN MAINZER

Riot Fest Sucks. It’s a tongue-in-cheek phrase that occupies multiple meanings and connotations, referencing the organizer’s self-deprecating recognition that they’re not gonna make everyone happy with the lineup and scheduling conflicts. It’s the name of a Goose Island Beer Co. pale ale made for the Fest, at times served lukewarm, its $10 price tag a symptom of a somewhat pretend punk festival bombarded by corporate sponsors whose presence fails to belie the lack of close, cheap parking, credit card lines, and functioning ATMs. Oh, and Riot Fest Sucks because hours into it my girlfriend sprained her ankle exiting the Vans popup experience down the 20-foot fire pole with no soft landing. So unlike previous years, this year, I left after a couple sets on Friday.

I won’t get there yet--first things first, Caroline Rose. When I walked up to her stage and heard Natalie Prass playing on the loudspeaker, I thought what I initially did upon first seeing Rose’s name in small print on the lineup poster: “Why not Pitchfork?” But as soon as her band gradually came out--first "nicest legs in the band” drummer Will Morse, then “handsome and single” bassist Mike Dondero, then “best friend” Abbie Morin--and started playing a surf rock melody as Rose entered, it was clear that her unique mix of electro pop and retro rock--not to mention her early folk and country material--had her suited for a festival that embraces classic sounds. They began with new song “Everybody’s Making Out”, potentially from the new album she just finished, and then “Cry!”, the band providing a plinky breakdown to the LONER standout. Rose alternated between genuinely appreciative of a fairly large crowd coming out early on a Friday to hear some upbeat but sad songs, and being playful and goofy--essentially conducting the band with her feet while playing keys on another new spacey synth pop song, all before noticing the camera and posing as if she was in a photoshoot. Her joking fit the sarcasm of songs like “Money”, which was interrupted by Rose chugging a 312 and barely smashing the can on her head and then playing Aerosmith’s “Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing” on kazoo. Rose is as fun at a festival as she is forlorn on record.

But then the incident happened. I listened to a remarkably nonstop and consistent Hot Snakes set through the medical tent next to the stage as my girlfriend iced her foot, leaving for urgent care right as Neck Deep’s catchy but juvenile pop punk began, not to return until mid way through Turnstile on Saturday. Thankfully, we were able to rent a wheelchair for the next couple days. Navigating the grounds with a wheelchair was a challenge, parking for free on Roosevelt before going through the grass of Douglas Park and the various street curbs separating the Ferris Wheel and the Rebel Stage from the main area. For what it’s worth, save for a couple unsavory comments (“You’ve got him trained well!”), most people were extremely aware and respectful, moving out of the way when necessary, and even helping us out of the mud. We chose not to get ADA access next to the sound stage until Sunday, partially because we were unaware of the possibility, but also because we wanted to be with friends and in the crowd. And from my brief experience, Riot Fest and its attendees walked the walk as much as they talk the talk about acceptance and zero tolerance for discrimination against differently abled bodies.

Speaking of Turnstile, what I saw from them was a perfect mix of rap rock, hardcore, and nu metal, favoring songs from last year’s Time & Space like “Generator”, short ditty “Bomb”, and standout “Moon”, the last played twice, once regularly and once a capella by vocalist Brendan Yates to close the set. It was much more inventive and progressive than the band who commenced immediately afterward, nonetheless Riot Fest staple Gwar. This time around, most of Gwar’s set surprisingly focused on the generic thrash music, not as many antics, just costumed men playing and spraying blood willy nilly as opposed to as part of a plot. (Except when they killed Donald Trump--that was great.) It’s not Riot Fest without Gwar, but at this point, their sick jokes and edgelord humor is appealing mostly to dudes like the one in the Joe Rogan 2020 shirt I saw leaving the set.

We then traveled to the secluded Rebel stage to catch supergroup The Damned Things, who thankfully came on late, since on the way we got caught up in one of many “What happened?!?” conversations with a friend. The band first formed in 2010 to release their debut album Ironiclast, then consisting of Joe Trohman and Andy Hurley of Fall Out Boy, Scott Ian and Rob Caggiano of Anthrax, and Keith Buckley and Josh Newton of Every Time I Die. Nine years later, they’ve released their second album High Crimes, and this time around, Caggiano and Newton have left, and in has come Alkaline Trio’s Dan Andriano. At Riot Fest, they played half songs from the first record, half from the new one, including the first four tracks of the latter, which showcase equally what The Damned Things do well and where they fall into the traps of MOR rock. “Cells” is more raw than you’d expect from a band with FOB and Alkaline Trio members, both on record and live, and is a surprisingly great introductory song to the album. The other songs they played from High Crimes, including cheesy cheerleader chanting “Something Good” and “Omen”, whose lead riff can’t decide whether it rips off Tame Impala’s “Elephant” or Muse’s “Uprising”, could have been ditched in favor of record standouts like “Carry a Brick” or “Young Hearts”. The former combines the vocal urgency from Buckley that we’re used to with ETID, with Anthrax-worthy thrash metal, while the latter (along with the record’s centerpiece “Storm Charmer”) interpolate a menacing blues rock stomp that could have been emphasized over the pop punk sheen of the Fest. Not to mention “Let Me Be (Your Girl)”, whose music is straightforward but whose lyrics feature gender inversion when assumed sung from the perspective of the lead singer. I left enjoying the set but wishing they had played for longer so I could hear the deeper cuts.

Album score: 6.3/10

Of course, the scheduling gods put Testament, also known as “if Metallica was still good,” during The Damned Things, so we had time for just a bathroom break before catching The Struts. In case you’ve never heard of them, The Struts are English glam rockers, fronted by a man who wears a shirt with batwing sleeves, who fancy themselves the lovechild of Queen and Def Leppard but end up falling closer to someone like The Darkness--which is not a bad thing! Their second album Young & Dangerous is catchy and somewhat undeniable, and the band’s fanbase came out to support them at Riot Fest, British flag in tow. It was probably the crowd’s enthusiasm that fed off lead singer Luke Spiller that made the set infectious; “If you’re not ready to dance and sing, then you might as well fuck off,” he proudly proclaimed, a nice, clear contrast to drummer Rafe Thomas oozing out the words “Hello Chicago” in the most droll voice possible. Sure, the lyrics “I bet your body’s so sweet” are even more cringey in 2019 than they would have been in the 70′s and 80′s, and the “instructing the crowd to get down to the ground” maneuver is pretty tired, but it was refreshing to see a band so unabashedly and unironically unashamed of their influences. “Don't wanna live as an untold story / Rather go out in a blaze of glory,” Spiller sang on the opening lines of “Could Have Been Me”, and upon ending the song, he instructed the crowd: “Ladies and gentlemen, remember our names!” It felt like a scene from a movie, and I couldn’t help but think that such cinematic flair is exactly what the band is going for.

I had time to catch a little bit of underrated electro pop band Pvris and pick up an Orange Wit from All Rise Brewing Co (another Riot Fest staple whose most popular beer has actually improved over the years) before catching Wu-Tang Clan, almost by default. The legendary group seems to be Riot Fest’s token hip hop booking every other year, and so I’ve seen them play Enter the 36 Chambers about 36 times. They ended up doing it again even though not billed to do a complete album set, but was I really going to see Rise Against, Manchester Orchestra, or Andrew W.K. over some of the greatest artists, let alone the greatest hip hop collective, of all time? I’ll take time number 37.

Then came what I knew was going to be the most difficult decision of the weekend, and one I kept thinking about even after it was made. Thrash metal titans Slayer were playing their final Chicago area show at Riot Fest, and their other supposed farewell show I saw last year was phenomenal. Then again, who am I to believe that this would be the time Slayer would finally stop cashing it in and retire? Instead, I opted to see something I very likely would not see again: Bloc Party playing their 2005 debut Silent Alarm in full. Based on how surprisingly great their Lollapalooza 2016 set was, I was eager to hear a set filled with, uh, only good songs, and the idea of the first sounds of the set being the echo of the opening drums to “Like Eating Glass” traversing through the crowd, was one that supplied me with a rare kind of glee. So when the band came out donning masks, launching into the album’s slow final song “Compliments”, I realized that what I initially heard as speculation--that they would be playing the record in reverse--would be true. There went my dream. The sounds and images of fire coming from Slayer’s stage filled me with regret.

But as the set went on, I realized that the choice was one that was both strategic on the part of the band, making the crowd stay to hear favorites like “Banquet”, and beneficial to the crowd. Each song was more energetic and frankly better than the previous one, from the sweet dancefloor melancholy of “This Modern Love” to the stop-starts of “Positive Tension” and “Helicopter”. Of course, “Like Eating Glass” proved to be a worthy singalong, everyone around me air drumming like nobody was watching. And I even got to see Slayer close with “Angel of Death” on the way out!

With one full day of Riot Fest finally in the books and surprisingly sore from navigating a wheelchair over patches of grass, mud, and curbs, I was thankful that the first batch of sets we were interested in seeing on Sunday was at the same stage, where I could grab beer and food and come back, and we could switch off between the grass and the ADA stage (which, awesomely, had free water). Arriving to hear the end of wildly cool and catchy Chicago post-punk band Ganser, we sat and waited for Nick Lowe with Los Straitjackets (and watched a different kind of “jacket” swarm unfortunate members of the crowd who mistakenly wore too much cologne). With the masked instrumental rockers (another band with masks?!?), two years ago Lowe released an album of instrumental versions of some of his best songs, so I was curious to hear how they would fare as his backing band. They got a slowed down “So It Goes” out of the way, as if to say to casual fans in the crowd, “I dare you to leave,” before burning through a variety of early era Lowe classics like “Without Love”, given a country spin by the band. The band delivered a mid-set instrumental performance as Lowe took a break, showing their guitar chops and stop-on-a-dime dynamism, before Lowe came back for “Half a Boy and Half a Man” and the other song everybody was waiting for, “Cruel To Be Kind”. Before playing set closer “Heart of the City”, Lowe said to the crowd, “Thank you, music lovers!” the quintessential statement from a true “music critic’s band,” but one with the pop songwriting talent to reach beyond.

I took the one-two punch of the “Save a lollipop, suck a dick” t-shirt and the tardiness and subsequent flatness of The Village People’s set as a sign that I should leave and walk by Less Than Jake opening their set with Back to the Future music, be mad again at the scheduling gods for putting the amazing-sounding Ride at the opposite end of the park from where Guided By Voices was about to play, and grab some delicious Harold’s Chicken for myself and unfortunately protein-lacking pad thai for my girlfriend. But there’s nothing like GBV to fix a less-than-ideal situation or improve an already good one. “How do you follow The Village People?” Robert Pollard hypothetically asked as the band went on. “With the village idiots!” With even less time to play than they had at Summerfest, GBV churned out practically all hits, starting with their usual set closer “Glad Girls” and revealing a barrage of known live gems--“Cut-Out Witch”, “Motor Away”, “The Best of Jill Hives”--and some they haven’t played in a while, like Isolation Drills’ “should have been a hit” “Chasing Heather Crazy” and “Echos Myron” prelude “Yours to Keep”, during which a crowd member actually blew a whistle when Pollard sang, “the whistle blows.” The latter was part of the band’s Bee Thousand finale, giving a crowd of casual fans exactly what they wanted and pleasing diehards no matter what.

Deciding to forego sprinting and catching any of Against Me!’s full albums (two of them!) set or Dave Hause & The Mermaid, I planted myself in a spot where I could see Kate Pierson and Cindy Wilson’s beehives. The B-52′s followed a recipe for success in their set, leading off with track one of their debut, placing one hit early (“Private Idaho”), segueing a couple more from their debut into “Roam”, saving the two you knew they were gonna save for last. (Though I didn’t know they’d introduce “Love Shack” with War’s “Low Rider”.) The band was appropriately absurd and silly, frontman Fred Schneider’s sprechgesang adding hilarity to his response to Pierson’s “Something’s on fire in that pizza joint!” (“That’s my dinner!” he responded.) After the band ended with “Rock Lobster”, Pierson broke character and said two very serious things: 1) “Please vote!” and 2) “Go see Patti!”

And Patti Smith we did see, in all her glory. Her voice was as strong as ever on “People Have The Power”, “Dancing Barefoot”, “Free Money”, “Because the Night”, and “Gloria”. Unfortunately, almost half of her set was covers: “Are You Experienced?”, The Rolling Stones’ “I’m Free”, “Walk on the Wild Side”, “After the Gold Rush”, and for some reason, Midnight Oil’s “Beds Are Burning”. I would rather have heard something from her excellent later career albums like 2012′s Banga.

Hey, but she got a tribute during The Raconteurs’ set, as they chanted a little “Gloria” during “Top Yourself”. Along with shouting out headliners Bikini Kill (and the fact that they call God a “she” on new album closer “Thoughts and Prayers”), was it all part of Jack White’s plan to reveal himself as a feminist punk? I’m not sure; I do know that sociopolitical ideas aside, Help Us Stranger is a bit underwhelming as compared to the previous two Raconteurs releases, which were no White Stripes albums themselves. In any case, the band gave a very good set, because Jack White live is not to be reckoned with. The generic charge-up of album opener “Bored And Razed” was a buzzing jaunt on stage, and the blue-eyed soul of “Now That You’re Gone” was actually a nice change of pace from the blues-rock mashing of “Top Yourself”. On record, though it’s a welcome Ryan Adams diss track, “Don’t Bother Me” is straight up annoying, the repetition of the title after each line well-intentioned but flat--again, live, it somehow worked as a piece of absurdism. Thankfully, the band did play some of Stranger’s highlights, like the beautifully melancholy “Only Child” and power pop jam “Sunday Driver”. I wish they had replaced the comparatively generic “Somedays (I Don’t Feel Like Trying)” with catchy punk dirge “Live a Lie” or “Thoughts and Prayers”. The latter is the best song on Help Us Stranger. From the title, you think White might be trying to comment on gun control, but the song is at heart about life, a zooming folk odyssey rife with synths and fiddle and mandolin. “There’s got to be a better way / To talk to God and hear her say / ‘There are reasons why it is this way’,” White sings. It would have been an appropriate Riot Fest song: realistic, yet inspiring.

Album score: 6.3/10

But it was Bikini Kill’s triumphant reunion that was the perfect way to end the weekend, with dizzying instrumentation courtesy of Tobi Vail’s drums, Kathi Wilcox’s bass, and Kathleen Hanna’s guitar and siren of a howl. You knew they would sound great and play everything you wanted, from “Rebel Girl” to “Demi Rep”, the latter of which I hope will expose a new generation of fans to the band as the theme song to Hulu’s excellent PEN15. But the most fitting, even if not entirely poignant, was Hanna’s commentary, decrying “Let’s take this country back” white feminists and men who think they know everything, calling out rape culture more explicitly than anybody at the entire fest. “I’m sure Slayer talked about this a lot,” she quipped at one point. But it was a thought-provoking off-handed comment, one that makes me look forward to future lineups. Forget my forced symbolism of a $10 dollar beer. And I know the inherent problem of having a private, very white festival in a public park in a neighborhood made up of predominantly people of color, is not going to go away as long as the fest stays in said park. But Riot Fest can make a statement with the curation. Do they continue to market to nostalgia with minimal radical politics? Or will the festival live up to the name and, in their own words, stop sucking?

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