#so when i’m having symptoms disease of an additional metnal illness it’s like hmmm i don’t think i’m supposed to talk about that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

transmechanicus · 4 months

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Kind of hard to ask as anon

But you doing ok?

Need to vent?

Hi very kind and thoughtful of you to ask, i am doing mmmmm suboptimal but i do not need to vent to a person per se, so much as i need to say absolutely insane shit in my tags and have everyone pretend not to see <3

#my stuff #asks #this is the problem with using tumblr as a multi-role platform bc when i want to talk about my fcuking metnal illness i stress-#about my online friends judging me for it #not in like a mean sense but just that it feels like it would change their opinion of me #like on tumblr u can say you have adhd or autism (i have the latter and likely the former)#but anything more intense is regarded as sketchy #so when i’m having symptoms disease of an additional metnal illness it’s like hmmm i don’t think i’m supposed to talk about that #mostly because the majority of the time it’s something i mask over #and do subconsciously until i get particularly tired or stressed or fatigued #so when i get to those states i’m trying extra hard not to blindside everyone with what a fucking mutant i am under the surface #like yippee hooray more ammunition for some transphobe to use in 3 weeks next time i get anon hate #anyways im. tired. i need more tattoos. i need a vacation. i need a forever hug. i need to feel cute. i need things to just be okay #i need to not be fractured into so many snapping pieces i need to know what is expected of us #i need to not feel like an adult babysitting a child who’s actually controlling me #i feel weak and undisciplined but i know fixing those won’t fill the hole gnawing my heart #im going to bed. blegh.

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