#social broken scene

[inamorato666]

another venting post but i just want to express in as much detail as possible about the sheer mourning i have for my friends

they arent dead, none of them are. they just moved on. we've just outgrown each other. im sure a few of them have this same feeling as me, at least to some extent.

most of these friends that i often see are online profiles. my main source of communication is through discord, and during the pandemic, my first year being inside was hellish but at the same time i cherished all those chaotic times of being in servers laughing my ass off at the stupidest shit ever. granted, we were all lonely, trapped in isolation. of course we would cling to each other more in an communal online space.

an important detail about this though is that shortly after lockdown was initiated, my parents pulled me out of public school and put me in homeschooling. that was the beginning of my downfall.

as time passed and everyone was returning to attending school in person, i was still stuck in my same routine of always being online. it was a hellish cycle that soon became. at first it wasnt all that bad since i still had so many friends to keep up and rely on. but in my last year of isolation, the course of growing up and out had taken its toll. so many people were forgotten as i came and went. not to mention that the closest friendgroup i had been with ended up forgetting about me too, as i had to leave it due to being left out of things too many times.

and ever since then ive barely been able to heal from that intense loneliness. ive met my girlfriend which has been an absolute blessing and i now have one of the closest friend ive had ever but. i cant help but still mourn that feeling of being surrounded by people who cared about me like i cared about them.

i deeply miss it. i dont know whats happening to me but it feels like i cant make friends anymore. i dont know if its because of the social isolation, general smaller than average range of people since my school is a smaller charter one or just the general process of growing and maturing. but every time i seem like i can enter a promising friendgroup i end up leaving for whatever reason. its mostly because i realize i cant stand those people or they still forget about me even if it feels like ive made a good impression.

i cant help but feel guilty for wanting more. after all, my friend and my lover are all i need right? but then again humans are social creatures. everyone has a group they can fall back to. so why not me? what happened to me? who do i blame?

it feels so...i guess, bittering when i see or hear about either of the two most important people in my life mention about their friends. i want to join in so badly. i really do. but i know the pattern. i know ill leave. i dont know if ill ever fit into a group. i dont know if this is okay and i should move on and make peace or continue trying.

ive been trying to numb about this for a while now. but the pain resurfaced recently. it was a realization. a realization that this one group of people that ive been hanging out with consistently doesnt care about me. i always have to butt myself in so i can be acknowledged. even then, they still ignore me so many times.

my chest is starting to hurt so much whiel writing this because im now realizing how lonely i am. im surrounded by people but almost no one sees me. i want to share my ideas and experiences so badly. no one wants to hear me. i feel so selfish for wanting more than i already have.

the reason why i started writing this was because of a particular friend i had since the early days of middle school. we clicked after the first few anxious weeks of school. while we didnt have any classes together we still found each other whenever we could. we had our cringy anime phases together. we comforted each other. we fantasized about living in a giant mansion in the middle of the woods with other friends with our other friends, making our food, tending to our house, healing.

ever since i left that friend group that forgot about me it seemed like even she forgot about me too. the process of realizing that was slow and almost painless, but every time i realize every day we are fading and straying away from each other more and more to the point ive now accepted that i probably wouldn't want to talk to her even as much as i want to relive those conversations we had in the past.

we were the awkward, emo, queer kids. shes moved on. shes almost unrecognizable now. im not even mad im just...stunned that my memory of her doesnt match her current self. that realization hurts, that im living in the past while everyone is moving on in the present.

"used to be one of the rotten ones and i liked you for that/now you're all gone got your makeup on and you're not coming back" is a lyric by social broken scene in a song called "anthems for a seventeen year old girl"

she has her make up on and she is not coming back. im still rotting. i feel so lonely and i dont think this can ever be numbed.

[teenagesuprstar]

park that car! drop that phone!! sleep on the floor!!! dream about me!!!!

[asoftepiloguemylove]

IT FEELS SO SCARY, GETTING OLD // ON LONGING FOR CHILDHOOD

Lorde Ribs // pinterest // 怪物 Monster (2023) dir. Hirokazu Kore-eda // @troyandabedsnewapartment // Broken Social Scene Anthems for a Seventeen Year-Old Girl // Jandy Nelson I'll Give You the Sun // pinterest // Jorge Luis Borges A New Refutation of Time // 투모로우바이투게더 TOMORROW X TOGETHER 그냥 괴물을 살려두면 안 되는 걸까 (Can't We Just Leave the Monster Alive?) // 怪物 Monster (2023) dir. Hirokazu Kore-eda // Rhiannon McGavin Habit from "Grocery List Poems" // Fortesa Latifi Hold This // Noah Kahan False Confidence // 怪物 Monster (2023) dir. Hirokazu Kore-eda // Mitski Class of 2013

[gabtron]

yeule // anthems for a seventeen year-old girl (cover)

[reefshrk]

anthems for a 17 year old girl / broken social scene

inspired by @eggsdoodz art

[lesbianjudasiscariot]

Anthems for a Seventeen Year‐Old Girl

[d1gnan]

broken social scene patch i made with an old t shirt and hand painted

[thotdarkrai]

That time javier and john almost met in 1909

[shivroyscunt]

i’m always up at 12am like have u listened to this thing called music

[glittergroovy]

Anthems for a Seventeen Year-Old Girl • Broken Social Scene

[dangerxox]

you dont get it. park that car. drop that phone. sleep on the floor. dream about me.

[newwavesylviaplath]

something i struggle with deeply is the fact my mom was really close friends with this guy in highschool and he ended up being the drummer for a band that i really like and now that band (which granted, was already very popular) is starting to trend on tiktok cuz one of their songs was on the soundtrack for the movie 'i saw the tv glow' (along with scott pilgrim!) and now i have to live my life knowing my mom would like actively hang out with a member of a band that is so totally sick and i can already tell one day the girls i go to school with who made my life a living hell for the past two years straight are gonna start posting to the song being all like "u guys this is MY song 🥺🥺" and i'm just gonna have to deal with it silently.

[kieranculkingirl]

[vox-celeste]

Music is therapy.

Where do i go when i am in need of substance to help me cope

The magic of vibration moving through my ears

It is a feeling of falling

I am descending from a higher plane of existence

And into a space of serene lushness

Where nothing matters

Where i float in solitude

Ecstatic

It's the feeling when engulfed into the state of frequency

Many sounds galore

I can see the sounds

I can feel the sounds

I am the sounds

I become one with the frequencies

As they flow through, and around me

I can feel all of my stresses crystalize

And to the ground

They fall

Shattering into tiny pieces

Like sand

They fall

Mounds they make of my pains

And with a breeze they disperse into the air

A sandstorm surrounding me

Yet

In the center i restfully remain

With nothing but sound in my brain

Nothing but the waves of sound

As they clash into one another

I sink into the tides

Music is like an ocean

Turbulent

But a relaxing vacation.

[toddtakefive]

btw todd’s reluctance to join the dps because he doesn’t want to read (which is then accommodated for) and is scared to put himself out there (which is also worked through) being read as todd not wanting to go AT ALL, and thus neil making the proper accommodations (“todd anderson, who prefers not to read, will keep the minutes of the meetings”) and encouraging him to step out of the box that stifles him being seen as ‘forceful’ or like he can’t take no for an answer makes me insane with rage