#some English voiceovers can sound really bad even though their English is fine

[ladybuvelle]

// Also I almost totally forgot. For some reason my first thought on waking up was a Mexican Garen spinning around and wearing a sombrero. Everything else was normal. Just the hat and he spoke Spanish. I have no idea why I thought about this.

So I remembered he probably has a Spanish voiceover and... why does this sound really weird to me? I know very little Spanish, but I hear people around me speak it all the time (I live in NYC, right by a predominantly Dominican/Puerto Rican/Mexican neighborhood - I hear Spanish spoken a LOT). Maybe it’s a dialect/accent thing...?

Either way, hearing Spanish Garen say “Justicia!” (hoo-stee-see-ah) is pretty funny XD

BUT THEN THERE’S SPANISH SONA....

Damn gurl. You sound like the female announcers on Spanish radio. Only maybe a bit on the older side.

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh Season Zero: Seto Kaiba's First Kidnapping

It’s Christmas vacation, I have Mannheim Steamroller on repeat, so much chocolate just an arms reach away from me. And I have purposely given myself nothing to do as an attempt to teach myself to do nothing.

So lets watch something weird and revisit Zero.

For those new here, I have been also reviewing most of Season Zero. If you don’t know what that is, you can my recaps in order by clicking this link here.

And like last time, I am not actually affiliated with Team Millennium, and I hope they don’t mind that I am capping their episode. You can find them on Youtube where they are slowly redubbing this season into English, and um--this next episode is the last episode they have! So I don’t know how I’m going to recap the rest?

Probably the same way I did in the first episode where it’s a lot less dialogue and more just...my reaction to it.

And, as always, my disclaimer for the new people that this was made in the 90′s and based off of the OG manga and it is...not the same show. It’s problematic. Why wouldn’t it be? It’s a counter-culture anime from the 90′s. Though this episode is pretty tame, honestly. Weird, but tame.

So, we start off the episode with a very lovingly drawn sky, not sure why it’s on THIS show but it’s here. This post apocalyptic sunset.

And staring directly into this sun going supernova is Seto Kaiba in his green hair, just brooding...

Not sure how he has this view from his Pemberly style mansion, but I dunno, maybe the city is visible from the backyard, or Seto just has really good vision. Either way don’t worry about it, we see Seto vibe out and visualize weird stuff all the time.

So, spurned by his hate for his classmate that beat him in cards once, Seto decides it’s time to enact his revenge by...what sounds a lot like some weird Lord of the Rings Lore and I dunno if it’s a bad translation or I just don’t really know what the hell he’s going off about because I never read the Yugioh version of the Silmarillion. Probably both.

See, while the first couple episodes of this show have different variations on Youtube, this one really only had the Team Millennium version in English (which is fine, there’s just some confusing things) and then the other version I saw skipped half of the episode because I guess they decided this part was boring or something. So forgive the fact that I’m flying on the seat of my pants here and I assume y’all will know all the deets I don’t know. For once, my contribution will be...kind of a lot less words.

So lets get right to it.

(read more under the cut)

Seto, who is in so much denial from Seasons 1-4, that I’ve headcanoned is actually cursed to never admit magic is real, has decided to call upon the (checks notes)

4 Game Masters

Yeah, that’s a new mechanic, these are a thing now. Don’t worry if you never heard of them before, I’ve been capping this show and I also have never heard of the legendary 4 magical Game Masters either.

So at this point these statues start glowing all creepy, and because it’s Yugioh I just kinda assumed...they’d do something.

I’m starting to think that maybe that was supposed to be symbolic, actually. Maybe there was never actually magic in the statues. Maybe it’s part of Seto hallucinating, as always. This whole show kind of runs on being a sort of metal fever dream whenever people get intense about games, so I’m probably not supposed to align it with any established magic laws anyway. It’s just I never know when things are real or just aesthetics, which I enjoy, quite a bit, that it’s open ended--but still it’s somewhat confusing as to if these gargoyles are...a thing now or were just always set dressing to kind of remind us of the cards that come later in the episode.

But, remember the spooky indoor gargoyles in your mind, keep it there, these menacing gargoyles over a fiery sunset...

OK now lets meet the real villain.

There he is. Our villain. And his name? Ripley Sheldon.

MAN to go from spooky gargoyles to Ripley Sheldon. There’s a name. That’s a name all right. I’ve only seen one episode of Big Bang Theory but Sheldon is a name forever ruined for me.

So--sidestory--this one time, my friend was at a wedding in Santa Cruz, which is a pretty beachy hippie town that always smelled like weed before it was legal, and there was just...a doll at the wedding. My friend was seated at a dinner party table just right next to this doll, and the family was like “Ah yes, this is the doll, you have to speak to her. She’s a member of the family.” and my friend had to suffer roleplaying with this doll for hours.

So before you’re like...there’s no way grown ass adults are this weird with dolls in public.

Yes. It happens.

Ah, and it’s the first instances of the Kaiba Corp logo and it’s the same. Complete with helicopter, because that Logo is never done until it’s surrounded by a fast military vehicle of some sort.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh great.

Yo remember that one episode where Yugi almost got his legs chopped off by Arcana and Arcana’s wife was being held behind a curtain, and at the end of the episode Arcana pulls back the curtain and his wife was a manikin the whole time and her head fell off?

Getting those vibes.

Back at school, Miho is busy being the most manipulative human being, this time with losing at cards. Like y’all I am TRYING to give Miho the benefit of a doubt here, but it seems even the translators hated Miho so much they had her refer to herself in the 3rd person. I am trying, really I am, sorry to everyone who loves Miho, I will leave that door open as I watch these--that maybe Miho will...grow on me.

But not this episode.

And then this happened. I guess from the breeze of Honda leaning over too far.

Believe it or not, Yuugi’s vertigo will come back later in this very episode. This whole bizarre scenario was just foreshadowing.

But for reals, Yuugi is so FRAIL in Season Zero. While I appreciate the contrast between Yuugi and Yami Yuugi, I gotta recognize how much Yugi has evolved over 4+ seasons because Yuugi is just...eggshells. Every part of him is polite little eggshells.

But in contrast, you have Anzu who is ready to fight in every single scene she’s in and I’m OK with that.

That and the very clear romantic direction that is just...simple. It’s very simple in Season Zero. That’s nice.

Anzu isn’t even possessed by two ghosts. In fact, between Anzu and Yuugi right now, there are 0 ghosts. So weird. So kosher.

Speaking of weird,

Y’all, I have no explanation for this. I only know so much Kanji.

The translation I watched tried so very hard to do what they could with this, and kudos to them, but...this is what happens with translation, it’s just a very hard job sometimes. So I get how they decided to form this joke into English, but if anyone is like a Japanese speaker and gets the pun that was clearly happening here, feel free to youknow, share the knowledge.

Unfortunately the undubbed episode that exists on Youtube that I found edited out this part so they didn’t have to try and translate it, lol. Either way, I appreciate Orange Jounouchi a lot, as well as the background squids on Squid Jounouchi.

Can you imagine just being in high school, and you get summoned to the Nurses Office? Can you even imagine what rumors would start from that? Like I know Seto wants revenge against Yuugi through cards, but I think he just did. I think he did like maybe one of the worst things you can do to a High Schooler just now. May as well page over the intercom that Yuugi has to pick up his yeast infection ointment.

And this is where we meet...a ridiculous satire. This 30 year old beautiful woman flirting with a child disaster who cannot balance while seated on a low chair.

And predictably, Yuugi lost because things just got THAT weird and awkward. Dunno if the translators put that in there for fun, or if that’s honestly how it was in the original. My bet it was probably exactly that weird in the original. Mostly because this show has a lot of “stranger danger” set ups to teach little children to never trust bad adults and this just seemed like exactly that type of set-up. Don’t trust the overly nice nurse or she’ll steal your cards in a game, kids.

After this really awkward card game (and I’m not going to bother to dive into it because I don’t talk about the card mechanics here), we find out...that Seto’s just been staring at them...the entire time.

Like it has such a voyeuristic vibe to it, it really makes you wonder about Seto’s whole deal just an awful lot. Like Season 1-4 doesn’t really ship Yugi/Kaiba, in my opinion (and just my opinion, I know how y’all feel about the ship and that is a-ok, all ships are welcome here)...but Season Zero ships A LOT. It’s not a serious ship by any means, it’s clearly a crack ship, but they...very clearly know what they’re doing with Seto being this obsessed with Yuugi in this way, omg. It just sounds like a kink to me.

So, ways to beat Yuugi Muto:

steal his stuff halfway through the game, try to kill yourself, rock paper scissors, try to kill Joey Wheeler, or dress up a sex doll like a nurse and have a gross old man have it play cards while he makes a sexy lady voiceover.

(Y’all I’ve been to my share of arcades in my life and I think I’ve only seen like 6 pinball tables total. Do good arcades only exist on TV? I think it’s all a lie.)

Then, because I guess this episode wasn’t going anywhere, Yuugi goes to the arcade to play some video games. The video game is unimportant, and it’s never been brought up before, but he’s dead set on finding it. Because unlike Yugi, Yuugi just doesn’t really have a goal in this series so he just kind of flutters around until someone tells him what to do.

TBH that’s a pretty 90′s thing for a show or a movie to do. To have characters just exist and have things happen to them, but in all, they’re just...wandering. So it’s not so much a knock on the show, it’s just that sometimes it’s a little of a transition to go from a goal being something physical, like finding the lost city of Atlantis before every human’s soul is absorbed into the great Leviathan, to the goal being more of a mental acceptance--Yuugi just learning to accept this curse he doesn’t even know he has yet, and trying to find acceptance in his group of friends.

With Yuugi, we’re kind of just watching his daily life, which is mostly watching him try and sneak games into every spare moment that his local adult has turned around. It has a very slice of life feel to it, but minus the near constant innuendo slice of life tends to have (at least the ones that have been recommended to me)

Now, because this is a show about people getting a real EXTREME comeuppance every time they break the law, what will happen to Yuugi for ignoring his Grandpa’s wishes and going to the arcade before going home?

First, we meet this mushroom haired person.

That’s right kids, NEVER stop by the arcade on the way home from school--1.) The local arcades are almost always 90% boring racing games and busted shooters that came out on the Nintendo 64 when I was a child and 2.) You will get abducted.

And then we get this face swap.

Kaiba just really loves dress-up. No wonder he was hanging out with a guy super into dolls. And like, I went into before how Seto Kaiba is always doused in facsimile energy. He loves faking it up, and apparently that’s been true since Zero.

He introduces that he will have four challenges from four Game Masters and uh so welcome to the...I don’t where this is, but a weird place full of dolls that must exist somewhere in Domino.

I guess this is to make it seem like they have an audience to watch Yuugi fail but even still...what?

So we get kind of a mirror to the scene at the beginning with Miho crying and Honda telling Yuugi to apologize for beating her, except replace Miho with Seto and Honda with this guy who really likes dolls (and Miho is a lot like a cursed doll). Like, if there were a theme to this episode it’s “grow up and stop apologizing when you beat someone in a card game” which isn’t a terrible theme, especially in this show that is about Yuugi learning how to adult.

In fact the “grow the hell up” theme is so strong we have a villain who is just...a big baby who carries dolls around. Kinda makes you wonder if the show would have eventually had Yuugi just...grow out of toys and games completely for the finale. Like in the Yugioh we have now, he can’t, because first off they licensed a hell ton of toys, but also because Yugi does games for his actual job. Even if Pharaoh was gone, Yugi still has to play games all the time. In this case, he could just...be using the games to learn how to do adult things, which is actually why we give kids games in the first place.

But, speculation aside, it’s at this point that a card play knocks Yuugi off of his chair and he passes out. Despite the fact that this isn’t a Shadow game and there...shouldn’t be any magic present. In fact, I don’t think any part of this game in this episode required opening the door of darkness. When he switches to Yami shortly after falling off of his own chair he’s like...yeah this is fine. Seems all above board. No need to kill anybody

And then apparently there’s a type of Dual Monster’s card I was unaware of.

A doll-type.

So I looked it up, is there a doll type card in Yugioh?

And it seems like there’s a lot of dolls, but not like...a type, as far as I can tell. Again, I don’t play this game, I’m only here for the plot and this one just seemed like they really had to reach for Yuugi to have just the right type of card to play.

And again, because this wasn’t a Shadow Duel, our loser just kind of walks away...all the way back to Britain, I guess.

And Seto just stands there behind a window in a rainstorm to allude to his many unshed salty tears, and it cuts to Miho who I guess has learned not to cry when she loses to Yuugi now.

And then she pulls out an absolutely winning tactic. This would win, actually. It’s actually genius.

And that is a very strong

From me. Wow. No thanks. I actually don’t want to see Yuugi do a kissy face ever again, thank you.

Half of you loved that though. This is fine. We’re all different.

Anyway, I assume the game was never played, or Miho won and the show just decided not to show it. If Season Zero Yuugi is a Yuugi that makes out then...that is...shocking. Then again, we’re only like...a third of the way through? I think?

Anyway, it’s...after Christmas because I went out of town for a spell, but I’ll just...post this now. Last post before the new year.

I’ll see y’all in 2020!

[what-even-is-thiss]

Fic, Off of Land, Out of Water, Part 3. Optimism.

Part 3 of the mer au. Uuuuhhhhhhh... warning for mention of transphobia and allusion to self harm but its not explicit or important ‘kay this was a hard chapter to write I hope you like it it’s got 2,531 words, bye.

First Previous Next

Abstract: We meet Virgil’s brothers.

3. Optimism

Patton drove faster. Roman turned the radio up louder. Patton reached over and fully turned it off.

“I swear, you’re worse than mom.” Roman said.

Patton made a face at him and then stepped on the gas again.

“How have you been doing by the way? With her?” Roman said.

“Roman, today is about a fishy situation with Virgil’s friend, alright?” Patton said. “Let’s find something good to think about.”

He smiled. Roman sighed and put his socked feet up on the dash.

“Fine, don’t talk about it but I know your fake smile when I see it.”

“Oh, I’m just worried about Virgil.”

“All of us are always worried about Virgil.” Roman said, putting his feet down and unwrapping a piece of gum. “Everything all the time always about Virgil. He’s like an anti middle child, I swear.”

Patton laughed. “I kind of wish I could argue with you about that but here we are. Going to pick him up again.”

“I prefer to look at it as performing a service.” Roman said.

………..

Virgil sat on the one flat rock and gently made waves in the water with his tail. He had to prop himself up against another rock to do this because his new anatomy wasn’t made for sitting up. Patton sat in his lap (if you could all it that) in a swimsuit. His swimsuit was a weird combination of grey and blue boxers and a frilly pink crop top. He was twelve now and even though he was only two years younger than his brother Virgil was always the big one in their family and Patton was missing some things.

They were alone together. Seagulls yelled overhead. Patton watched them with no interest.

“So what is it like down there?” Patton asked eventually.

“People are people. Judgy.” Virgil said.

“Know when you’re coming home?” 

“Next year maybe. But only for a couple weeks at a time. Can you get off?”

Patton scrambled off. “Sorry.”

“Nah, it’s fine. Just too much after a while. Now can I ask you a question while mom isn’t around?”

“Yeah!”

“What’s with that?”

He pointed at the swimsuit.

“Mom got worse after you left. Decided she wouldn’t sign off on blockers but I’m making the best of it. Blah, right?”

He let out a strained laugh and Virgil gently slapped his face. He still wasn’t letting him get away with the fake laughter. They went silent again for a minute. Seagulls yelled some more.

“So who do you live with down there?”

“The witch.” Virgil said. “I call her Val because she kind of reminds me of that teacher you had in kindergarten. Too happy. Too nice.”

“I don’t think you can be too nice.” Patton said happily. 

“Whatever. She’s getting old.” Virgil said.

They went quiet again. The weight of a year apart sat between them. The knowledge that they’d never catch up on it all in one afternoon. The fear that they might never catch up again.

They heard a car in the distance. The sound of running and Roman shouting about hamburgers and the parents apologizing about traffic followed it. Patton wondered if Virgil was as tempted to vanish into the water as he was.

………..

Logan was nothing like Roman had expected.

“He’s nothing like I expected.” Roman said.

“Well what were you expecting?” Asked the new angry man sitting in their secret rock cave.

“I don’t know. Something more dramatic.” Roman said, helping Virgil to get Logan on his feet.

Patton grabbed the ice chest and shoved Virgil’s phone into Virgil’s pocket.

“Personal space, much?” Virgil asked as Logan fell over again. “Hey! I told you, we can carry you to the car.”

“I can tell that I don’t want that.” Logan said. 

“As the one who's usually the shortest, I know.” Patton said, smiling.

“Why does he keep baring his teeth at me?” Logan asked. 

“It’s the way humans smile, Logan. Get used to it. Especially around Patton.” Virgil said. “Hey, move your legs!”

“I’m not exactly used to having them yet, you know!”

After a good deal of lifting and shuffling and eventually some help from Patton as well, they stuffed Logan into the backseat of Patton’s black SUV. Virgil was the one to position him and quietly click and hiss something at him when he looked frightened of the seatbelt. As Patton and Roman took their places in the front it wasn’t lost on them how touchy Virgil was being with Logan in the backseat.

Virgil took a moment from clicking to say “Don’t start the car yet.” in English.

Patton adjusted the rearview mirror to see what they were doing. The body language was like nothing he’d ever seen before. Logan, smaller than even Patton was and probably in shock, seemed to be looking everywhere but the ground. Virgil coughed as he tried and failed to make a certain sound in the back of his throat. The seawater wasn’t quite out of his system yet. Logan bumped him in the chest with his head in a really casual way.

“Yeah I’m fine, thanks.” Virgil said. “I’ll just say it this way. The car is going to make noises. I’ll explain the noises to you later. It’s safe, alright?”

“It’s powered by fire. How good can it be?” Logan mumbled.

“You just think that because your only experience with fire is volcanos.” Virgil said.

He ran a hand down the length of Logan’s spine. Logan winced.

“What is happening to my eyes?” Logan asked, a curious tone in his voice.

“You’re crying. I’m sorry!” Patton called back. “We really have to get moving though, Virgil. I can never find my way back to the road in the dark.”

Virgil made a noise of agreement and Patton turned the key.

……….

Roman carefully placed both of his hands beneath the wig and removed it. The cap was next. He checked his teeth in the mirror. No, he hadn’t been performing all night with lipstick on his teeth. Of course that had only happened the first time but he was still paranoid about it. Every single time. 

He pulled the dress off and stripped to his underwear slowly, untucking and unstuffing everything. Eventually it was all undone and he pulled on a pair of jeans and an undershirt before going to work on removing the makeup.

“Get lipstick on your teeth again?” said a deep voice in the doorway.

Roman looked in the mirror. Tall, dark hair, light freckled skin, black jacket, a look in his eyes that was just a little off. Young enough that the stress of living in modern America hadn’t yet put dark rings under his eyes so he made his own with eyeshadow.

“How’d they let you in?” Roman asked, throwing away a third makeup wipe.

“Stage manager knows me by now.”

“Not enough to know that you’re aro, I’m assuming, fish boy?” Roman asked.

Virgil chuckled. “Well if it gets me free beer…”

Roman turned around and approached with his arms open. Virgil accepted the hug and patted him on the back.

“You’re just as bad as the rest of us.” Roman said, pulling his button up on. “So tell me why you’ve decided to let me bless you with my presence.”

Virgil shoved him and turned off the drag queen’s mirror lights for him. They started walking out of the club.

“Patton and I were thinking about doing the tattoo thing you suggested.”

“Wait, what?”

Virgil shrugged and pulled some gum out of his pocket. Roman took one. He knew he didn’t have to ask.

“I figure if I get it on my leg it won’t show up down there and you’re looking for a way to avoid questions about the scars on your arm so why not? Pat’s got a design. His scars are finally healed enough. You wanna go right now?”

They reached Roman’s car. Roman assumed Virgil had taken an Uber or something. He assumed. He might never know. There was a lot he didn’t know about his younger brothers. There was a lot he had to assume. There was a lot he had missed out on with them, but would he miss out on an opportunity right now to make a stupid memory? Hell no.

“Well if you’re being fun and spontaneous for once I’m  gonna bank on it. Sure.” Roman said, showing all of his perfect white teeth and clean face, both now totally free of lipstick.

“Cool. You’re the only sober one. Let’s go steal Patton.” Virgil said.

……….

Every time Logan clung to a blanket or felt strange at someone touching him he looked surprised at himself. The fact that human behavior came so naturally was worrying. They were all taking shifts looking after him. Usually it was Virgil but Virgil sometimes had to go into a recording session for some radio commercial or an audition for a voiceover or meet with his agent. Sometimes he returned to the ocean because, well, he had to. So during those times Roman or Patton would have to take over the “humanization process” as they had dubbed it. Or, “project Logan”

It was mostly Roman that used the first one.

Learning to walk proved to be difficult and teaching him manners proved to be even more difficult. Patton ended up getting nights, after Logan was tired of walking ten steps and then falling over and over all day long. So he mostly taught Logan how to read. As such, he ended up explaining a lot of strange things in picture books to him.

“Why do you always depict merpeople with bare skin?” Logan asked one day.

Patton looked up from the mug of tea he was stirring creamer into.

“Hmm?” he asked.

Logan held open the picture book he was reading. There was a mermaid in a clam shell bra, happily singing. Logan had already explained to Patton at length why clam shell bras would be awful ideas and woven strips of cloth made from seaweed and sometimes hair were used when a person felt compelled to cover or contain that area were much better ideas and used by merpeople with breasts all the time. Patton had heard that lecture many times, in fact. He had not, however, heard the complaint about skin.

Patton moved to the couch to sit next to Logan, his sleepy eyes almost making him spill his tea. The couch in Virgil’s apartment was a small leather loveseat. Logan didn’t seem to care about the closeness. Merpeople never seemed to care about closeness, Patton had noticed. They touched each other without thinking. He looked over Logan’s shoulder as he pointed at the illustrations in the fairy tale book.

“None of them have scale patterns. Almost all of them have belly buttons.” Logan said, pointing at various drawings in confusion

“Do you not have a belly button?” Patton asked.

“Of course not.” Logan said. “Virgil has told me now how mammals reproduce and I was absolutely not created that way.”

Patton moved closer and started tracing the large splotchy birthmark surrounding Logan’s left eye.

“You seem kind of disgusted by it.”

Patton sounded almost hurt.

“Well, I am.” Logan said, gently moving Patton’s hand away.

“Well… thank you for your honesty, kiddo.”

“I am older than you.”

Patton giggled. “Obviously, but I’m still me. I’m the dad friend. So is that birthmark where your scales would normally be?”

Logan nodded and lifted up his shirt in response. Patton got a good look. Freckles formed a series of swirls and lines on his skin. And it was true. Logan had no belly button.

“That’s fun. So you were born from an egg?” Patton asked.

Logan quickly put his shirt down, shut the book, and looked embarrassed.

“It is highly improper to discuss reproduction in polite company.”

“Right, sorry.” Patton said.

“That story about the sea foam though.” Logan said. “Ignoring all the inaccuracies it reminds me of  the story Virgil told me. About the day he went under.”

“That’s a good one.” Patton mused. “I was there for it.”

As usual he couldn’t think of much else to say.

“Yes, but one that led to strange markings, I suppose.

“Want to see my strange markings?” Patton asked.

“Out of curiosity, yes.”

Patton lifted up his shirt and showed Logan the scars and the tattoo of a merman holding a tragedy mask over his left scar.

“For Virgil and Roman.” he explained. 

“I never expected humans to decorate their skin.” Logan said.

“What did you expect then?” Patton asked, almost like he was questioning a child.

“I… don’t know.”

“Your idea of us was like our idea of you.” Patton said, tapping the fairy tale book.

“Oh.”

Logan looked off into the distance, seemingly understanding something now. Patton rested his eyes on him wistfully, wondering why he’d never asked more questions of Virgil. Why he didn’t ask more questions of Logan now. Why his brain wasn’t good at forming questions in the first place.

He wondered what it was like down there. He knew what it was like to be in saltwater, but not to breathe it. He knew what it was like to be close to someone, but not to the extent that he wouldn’t flinch at the touch of a stranger.

He wondered, too, what Logan was thinking about.

“With video recording,” Logan said, “Could you… I’m not sure how it works but could it record me saying something and then keep it forever?”

“Until someone decides to delete it.” Patton said.

“Then with that and these,” he held up a book, “why did I just dedicate my entire goddamn life to memorizing things?”

“I see that Virgil taught you how to swear.”

……….

Patton wiped the tears from his eyes. He never did cope with pain that well.

He looked at Roman’s bandaged arm from the backseat. Virgil stuck his phone with the aux cord in the cup holder and turned up the speakers loud. 

It sounded just like when Roman first got his license and became an adult only in a legal sense. When Patton was 13 and foolishly taping his chest down with packing tape that left his body constantly sticky and sore. Like the summer they drove away to Disney World without their parents knowing. When Virgil was homeschooled for two weeks at a time and always smelled like saltwater. When dad and mom still loved each other and the band that made this music was still together. It sounded like the first conversation they’d ever had about getting tattoos together.

It sounded like The Black Parade.

Sober now, horribly, criminally sober, with a new picture on his chest and his brothers screaming off key in the front seat, Patton drifted off, his glasses sure to leave a mark on his face when he woke up.

Roman sang until he was hoarse, ignoring the bandages and how similar the tattoo would feel to what it was covering up.

Virgil, for once, didn’t think. The pain on the back of his leg barely registering as anything. The celtic cross it formed barely meaning anything to him.

...........

Logan lay on the bed next to Virgil, for some reason not feeling compelled to cling to him. Must be a human thing. He slid to the floor and sat, his knees pulled to his face.

Virgil’s soft snoring broke the ice of the early morning fear just enough to get his brain working. The series of freckles and birthmarks on his skin looked mystical in the moonlight. Like he was destined to find some sort of meaning in it. Maybe he was. Maybe he could.

Maybe there was a way to connect to the past with it.

[mst3kproject]

1009: Hamlet, Prinz von Dänemark

I spent a buck-fifty Canadian to download this movie. There’s not much you can get for a buck-fifty Canadian.  One sour soother, maybe, or a chipped coffee mug from a garage sale that has a photo of somebody else’s grandparents on it.  So now you know how much Hamlet is worth.

We all know the story of Hamlet, whether we wanted to or not. King Hamlet of Denmark was murdered by his brother Claudius, who then married Queen Gertrude and stole the throne.  We can’t be having that, so the king’s ghost appears to his son, Hamlet Jr, and tells him he must take revenge.  Junior then spends the whole rest of the play wandering around pondering the afterlife and battering his girlfriend Ophelia before finally running Claudius through during a climactic duel during which pretty much everybody else dies, too, except for the ones who were already dead.  Nobody has ever given me a convincing explanation of why these people have names like Horatio and Laertes instead of Svend and Rolf.

I’m definitely not going to try to review Hamlet itself, Shakespeare’s play, because I don’t know a damned thing about Hamlet.  I deliberately went out and murdered those brain cells with alcohol immediately after writing my final exam.  Instead I’m going to have to talk about this movie in itself, how it fares both as a film and as a retelling of this story.

That second point is a big one.  Hamlet has been done, a lot, and as the bots point out with their sketch about their all-percussion version, it’s really hard to do anything unique with it anymore.  If you’re an acting troupe who wants to give it a try, that’s cool because it means people will get to see live theatre, but if you’re making a movie you really need to bring something new to the table.  An interesting interpretation, an actor or director that people really want to see, an unusual setting or time period, something like that.  This Hamlet has none of that.

I am reasonably sure that what the movie is trying to do is to look like a stage play, much as The Magic Voyage of Sinbad was trying to look like an opera.  Sinbad pulled it off with extravagant sets and operatic bombast.  By contrast everything in Hamlet, from pillars to thrones to flights of stairs, looks like it’s made out of concrete.  There is very little music, which somehow makes the whole thing feel even more doom-and-gloom-y than Hamlet already does.  The costumes go for a semi-fantasy look somewhere between Elizabethan and medieval, which is very stagey, and the effect is heightened by the fact that most of the characters never seem to change their clothes. The actors don’t look comfortable in them, though, which means they look uncomfortable in their characters as well. Queen Gertrude in particular looks like she’s too worried about damaging her gown to move easily in it, and the giant chain around Claudius’ neck is absurd.

Adding to the impression that the movie was shot in somebody’s basement, it’s lit very pootly when it’s lit at all.  A lot of shots are quite dull, lit in a way that shows where things are but doesn’t create mood or drama.  The film is in black and white and the characters wear black, or at least colours so dark you can’t tell the difference, which leaves night shots (such as the one where Horatio and the guards are chasing after the king’s ghost) looking like a bunch of heads floating around.

It is, of course, very difficult to judge a dubbed performance. The actors we’re watching appear to be going for a sort of heightened melodrama, part of the idea that we’re meant to feel like we’re watching a stage play.  The dub actors, on the other hand, don’t seem to have gotten the memo.  A lot of them mumble, particularly Maximilian Schell as Hamlet, which is really weird because he’s dubbing himself.  Sometimes they manage to make the Shakespearean English sound very natural, but that often jars with the physical performances.  I have no idea what sort of accents some of them think they’re doing. There are a few who don’t seem to be trying to do an accent at all, while others sound like they’re aiming for British (because it’s Shakespeare?), German (because the movie’s German?) or Damn Worwelf.

Most of the actors are kind of bland-looking, and those who stand out do so because they look weirdly wrong for the parts they’re playing.  Polonius with his little mustache looks like a physics teacher who feels naked because he’s not wearing a necktie.  He’s also dubbed by John Banner, so if you keep hearing this is so klandinkto! every time he speaks… that’s why.  If Hamlet himself looks familiar, it may be because Maximilian Schell was Dr. Reinhardt in The Black Hole, or maybe it’s because he looks a lot like the guy in Atlantic Rim that I referred to as MacGuyver. He’s a very fine actor who won an academy award for Judgment at Nuremburg, but he’s way out of place as Hamlet.  His Hollywood good looks and crooked little smile make it feel like he’s trying to play Hamlet as a dashing heartthrob.

For all that, there are a couple of moments in this movie that I quite like.  The scene in which Hamlet is nodding and smiling to the wedding guests while the Too Too Solid Flesh soliloquy begins in voiceover is quite nicely done.  It gives you a very visceral sense of this man who is forced to bottle up his anger and grief.  I also like that during the Murder of Gonzago scene, the camera focuses not on the players but on the audience reaction.  Claudius and Gertrude smile at each other when the players talk about love, and then grow uncomfortable as the play condemns re-marriage.  Ophelia’s embroidery is an attempt at symbolism, the arum being a popular funeral flower.  Too bad it’s so in-your-face that it loses all subtlety.

On the whole, though, Hamlet is just dull.  The spartan, ugly sets and dark costumes offer us very little to look at, and in some of the darker scenes there’s almost nothing to see at all. The physical and dub performances don’t match, and neither hold the attention.  Watching it feels like a two-hour slog through a tarry morass of depression.

I kind of wonder what the purpose of this movie was supposed to be. It was made for TV in the sixties, and I guess it was an attempt to capitalize on the Germans’ love of Shakespeare – because Germans do definitely love Shakespeare, sometimes considering themselves to have a better claim on him than England because unlike the English, they respect him.  More Shakespeare plays are performed in Germany every year than in England, and in the leadup to World War II the Nazi regime tried to get rid of him, couldn’t, and had to settle for picking and choosing which translations were ‘German enough’ for them (this always reminds me of the joke about Hamlet being better in the original Klingon).

If this is the case, I would like to know what the Germans who saw this movie in its original broadcast thought of it.  Sixty-year-old reviews of made-for-tv movies in foreign languages are hard to find even online, so I honestly have no idea.  I know that people who have seen this English version hate it, and I have a hard time imagining it being much better in German even when you love Shakespeare unconditionally.  The fact that the Germans do love Shakespeare just makes it seem that much more likely that they’d consider this dreary pork-filled version an insult to him.

It’s also interesting to think about what made the Best Brains pick this one out as an MST3K project.  The movie is definitely bad, and in its own way it fits right in with a lot of the black-and-white crap from the Joel era that tries so hard to be important and just ends up being depressing.  Yet the source material remains as something a lot of people would consider untouchable (the Germans being high on that list… although Shakespeare himself, purveyor of fine penis jokes to Her Majesty the Queen since 1591, would probably be totally okay with the MST3K treatment.  He must have heard way more vicious audience commentary).  My guess it was something they considered a challenge to themselves, in the same way as RiffTrax tackled Casablanca just to see if they could do it.  The Amazing Colossal Transplanted Sci-Fi Channel Episode Guide entry on the episode is kind of interesting, as Kevin mentions the feeling that they had to be funnier than usual in order to live up to the play’s legend.

My high school English teachers (the same ones who inflicted The Most Dangerous Game on me) insisted that Hamlet is a play which should make you think.  I’m pretty sure this is not what they meant, but the thing I’ve always found myself thinking about while watching or reading it is the idea of marrying one’s brother’s widow.  The church of the time said that this was equivalent to marrying one’s own sister (Claudius indeed calls Gertrude our sometime sister) and frowned upon it most heavily, and this would have been common knowledge in Elizabethan England because it was Henry VIII’s excuse for divorcing Catherine of Aragon and marrying Anne Boleyn, Queen Elizabeth’s mother (never mind that he’d also fucked Anne’s sister Mary).  By portraying this as villainous behaviour, Shakespeare was sucking up to the Queen, emphasizing that her mom’s marriage was way more legit than Catherine’s.  Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[revenblue]

Finally watched MML in English, liveblogging under the cut.

when I watched in Japanese I called the whole thing with Heinz doing the recap "inspired". now that I can understand it, I can see just how inspired it really is (far more than I'd thought), I'm love. I forgot just how much I love Heinz

he doesn't believe Cavendish about him being Professor Time ;_; (admittedly I have Opinions about that whole plotline but)

the jingle for Time Chips, omg

Cav's so willing to strip off for his celeb crush omg. and Heinz is Uncomfortable. (also, looks like "wearing underwear with your crush's face" is a thing people in Dwampyverse do :P)

yeah, accusing Melissa and Zack of dating is sure to be ship fuel

of course the diversion's Melissa's idea, that conniving little (I love her)

"stop foreshadowing" omg

Baljeet's singing is so good. such harmony (my former church choir soprano brain provided the term "descant" but uh yeah)

that jingle XD and of course Heinz's priorities are such a mess that he'd rebrand before he saves the world

Heinz thinking Diogee's an agent, beautiful~ and out of "habit" XD then again, his best friend is short and furry, it's no wonder he'd leap to that conclusion

ahh, foreshadowing with that orange soda thing ("destroying the environment" wow)

Heinz's snark at the questions about Perry, ahaha I love him

okay so "time juice" (it feels weird to hear him call it that) isn't Pizzazzium Infinionite itself, just... similar. :/

"who keeps a clock in their backpack? that's just weird" not as weird as a gd anchor, Milo

"maybe we're related"

"he's either saying he's going with you, or he regrets the impulsive mistakes of his youth" both. it's both, and the """""mistake""""" is falling in love with you, Heinz (but he loves you enough to just sigh about it sometimes)

the way the music pauses when Milo falls into the bush, that's amazing XD

Perry's hypercompetence is so damn attractive, wow *swoons* god I'm such a furry

King Pistachion's instructions to his "kids" is so great XD

that mask gag XD

"too much exposition" "yeah that's probably why your show was cancelled" ooh burn

"yeah no pressure" that's gonna come up later isn't it

Milo's dancing is so great, haha. and that scorecard gag, so perfect

ah, Dwampy, always bringing us those classy bathroom jokes

"Ducky MoGo" I mean it's a catchy name... XD (her intro's kinda underwhelming though. that's where my nitpicks are, the plot)

joking about Ferb talking, nice. and the "yes, yes it has".

"well it does kinda describe us, but it's just rude", that callback :D

"what are the odds" "better than you think" ah yes Milo shows up again

Dakota listing off animals, nice. in alphabetical order, too. also I love that beard sight gag still

"you won't let me sing the zoo song" yeah that probably got old real fast

Go Fish with hot sauce packets. er, hot sauce packet singular. it really says something that Perry's happy to go along with that idea (it's bc it's Heinz, I think)

"'careful' or 'hurry', choose one" yeah it is kinda a choice of one or the other XD

and he squished the hot sauce packet XD

cupholder joke, I love it XD

that extended view of the window with the sounds of destruction. perfect cross-language joke

"what do you usually do when things go wrong" their silence here is telling. (also, the answer? Phineas yells.)

"we have no frame of reference for that" yup

Perry beating up Pistachions to cover for Heinz, I'm love

Candace's attitude to Milo is uh... not fun

"no human being has a neck that long"

ah yes, the duck is still after Elliot, of course

"hey, sometimes Murphy's Law" can be totally helpful!" yyyyyyeah...

oh hey, a woodpecker

okay, the thinking Candace is a Pistachion thing makes that scene make a whole lot more sense

"I was talking about me. we need this guy around" oh, Candace...

"my bad" "we still need him!" I love that XD

the sitcom gags are doubly amusing with the context of the dialogue XD they were good when I watched it originally, but now? amazing. but also wtf Heinz why

"and that's why we use a cupholder"

ah yes, The Island. when I first watched this I knew it was The Island, even before the reveal

oof, Cav dealing with his hero worship not being such a hero. never fun.

Perry's just standing there though, what are you doing Perry

ugh Heinz needs a hug, Perry what are you waiting for

"I know when I'm not wanted" oh Heinz ;_;

it's... it's this bit. where Perry kinda just disappears entirely? there's no other reason for him not going after his nemesis to reassure him the way he always does.

"okay now that's environment. no wonder they banned this stuff." ah yes the callback

and Orton showing up to relate, which is... it makes sense at least? (but where the hell is Perry?)

"oh look a ukelele" Heinz why

ooh the SONG

"and there's a future self up to which I have to measure" oof

"no matter where I go, oh look, I'm already there" *Homestuck intensifies*

and the gd mid-song genre switch. with the "throwing money away" sight gag. ye gods. XD

"I forgot where I was going with this" nice going Heinz

"apparently the locals are not music fans" yeah it takes a suave semiaquatic personification of unstoppable dynamic fury to love your singing voice, Heinz :P

and the reveal of it being The Island, this'll be... yeah

oh hey, voiceover montage song from Milo

is this an Uptown Funk reference? I'm not sure, I don't keep up to date with pop music, but it looks like a reference

OH yeah, Melissa did a ton of research herself. she'd be happy with all this new data

Baljeet's totally flirting there too

...the jokes about Zack and Melissa dating are... idk. they're amusing in the moment but the premise they're built off is uh. I don't like it.

oh boy, the explanation of Murphy's Law... you know, that kinda breaks my suspension of disbelief a little. because instead of unspoken rules, it's now spoken rules with details to find inconsistencies in

"montage time!" I love him

gotta say, I do love the occasional gag of "things spontaneously catch on fire", that's always fun

"several hundred" Dakotas? looks like the 102 estimate from that episode was lowballing... or he's guesstimating

"you're gonna laugh" "probably not" I mean if you set the death montage to cheerful music...

huh, he told the truth. idk why I was expecting him to lie but I was so that's a surprise

he took it really well, which. eh, idk, I figured it'd be used for angst at some point. but apparently not.

oh so it's this SPECIFIC orange soda. also Dakota's been doing this for a while I guess

"well I'm not the environment" these two are... far too similar. Dan Povenmire's typecast himself I guess

"we're gonna need a lot of cupholders" ah yes the cupholder joke again XD

aaaaaand they're captured.

"we had to switch over to the HDMI cables" I love this joke XD

"you and what army" "that army" ahhhh. cliché but always satisfying

oh hi Isabella, showing up in the last uh ten minutes. and flirting a little with Phineas of course but eh this plot point came out of absolutely nowhere

I love how, when Heinz falls out of the thing, Perry's first reaction is to jump out after him and save him. it's a fun dynamic to bring back. also did I mention Perry's competence is attractive?

"oh, that was touching" ahaha XD

"don't mess with Doctor Zone- Doctor Zone? who's Doctor Zone?" XD

welp, giant Pistachion

oof. can really feel its dilemma. poor giant Pistachion :c

giant Pistachion redemption ;_;

"here's an adaptor we needed" XD

AAAAAAA PERRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYy, my heart ;_; he saved them, risking his cover, I can't ;_;

and he retreated to pet mode just in time, ugh ;_; PERRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY ;_;

then he leaves as soon as they're not looking and disappears from the plot

"Murphy's Law And Order" omg

loving that accurate tech support gag

blasting familiar yet not plot relevant characters so we see how bad things are. gotta keep us invested

lemon callback, nice

radioactive watermelon is a bit... out of nowhere. why is he carrying that in his backpack again? (especially when he doesn't carry a clock)

"blowtorch and some peanut butter" nice refrance

yeah, seeing everyone as a Pistachion is... not good. (tbh when I first saw this my only thought was "I hope Heinz isn't in there" bc I'm er biased)

and Heinz is fine, that's a relief. Perry musta kept him safe... speaking of which, where is Perry?

"Vanessa's dad" hm... okay this is a weird epithet but it kinda makes sense with how they'd know him, considering Ferb's crush on Vanessa...

"no, I am Professor Time, and we are not out of time until I say so!" hhhhhh I have a lot of feelings about this. it's dramatic, which is always fun, but. ugh I'm biased, I love Heinz

and the deus ex machina. which is... not quite out of nowhere, but. hhhhhh I have Opinions.

Cav's squee is adorable

nice use of the Doctor Zone theme

ah yes the letter, almost forgot about that plot point from Missing Milo

"I don't feel so good" okay that's not the dialogue but still!

nooooooo not Giant Pistachion ;_;

oh right, in this timeline Doctor Zone wasn't a thing, so Sara's shirt was blank

"wait a minute, why am I still part plant?" amazing

"we're going to be in serious trouble aren't we" yup

rip DEI

"my building! ugh. can I crash on your couch?" CALLED IT

"feel free to cross over any time" heh

oh Heinz XD "where do you guys keep the extra toilet paper? I'm asking for a friend" so either he had an "accident" or Perry had an "accident" (...it's the latter. it's gotta be the latter. Agent Pee strikes again)

[metavanaj]

AJ’S ARCADE | TIME CRISIS 5

Game: Time Crisis (Released 2015)

On the 4th of January 2019, I was blessed with the opportunity to play Time Crisis 5 - which as of the time of writing this, remains trapped in the arcade. Mid-way through 2018, I found out that they had ported past Time Crisis games, which sparked a light gun phase thus I’ve been scooping up every one I can for the Nintendo Wii, PlayStation 2 and the PlayStation 3; hence the vested interest & high hopes for TC5. Having played all the past main line TC games, how does the latest 2015 romp hold up? Eh.

Before we go any further though, I thought I’d should let you, the precious reader, know that I only played through the first three stages. While I had access to the True Mastermind edition, with the extra three stages I only managed to have enough time to play through those first three stages twice - once to enjoy the spectacle, and once to try master them. However, I will make reference to the latter three stages, as I have watched a few playthroughs on YouTube, so I could experience the story, without the pressure of the gameplay.

Now, let us dissect this bitch.

The Good

Story - It has one...?

To say past games haven’t had much of a narrative would absolutely be true. Usually, the formula consists for two bros., two handguns vs a whole terrorist organisation, and taking them down before they unleash a super weapon of some sorts. Throw in a few interesting boss fights, some varied locales a not-so-surprising showdown with Wild-Dog...boom-bada bing, you have a Time Crisis narrative.

Past entries of the series have literally been too short (in terms of game time) to tell anything of worth, in the story department. Time Crisis 5, being twice as long as any previous entry, actually has enough breathing room to tell a story...for an arcade game. Mind you not anything complex, but it’s leagues better than any other light gun shooter, that dare put in possess cutscenes, inter-midst gameplay, and call it a plot. The plot actually goes somewhere - literally, and figuratively. From stages 4-6 onwards, Time Crisis 5 deviates from its usual action movie plot and manages to actually possess a few decent twists & turns, which all culminates in a satisfying finale. I wouldn’t say it’s emotional but it does evoke an emotion...and this is an hour long arcade game; that’s pretty outstanding. The series for the first time in history, makes reference to the fact it does indeed have a history; however I won’t delve into it as it would involve major spoilers - I’ll just say that it’s pretty neat.

Sights - Gwaphics

To say Time Crisis 5 is gorgeous would be an understatement. The game bleeds beauty in the presentation department. Not only does the game look like a modern, vivid, and colorful spectacle for each and every frame but even small things like the UI and HUD looks uber crisp. I especially like the simple ‘end of area’ screen in which the game primarily utilises the color of the whatever character you’re playing.  While I still believe Time Crisis 1-3 still look decent regarding their age, acting as sort of landmarks of the series graphical progression, I believe TC5 straight makes TC4’s early-HD-looking ass a lot less appealing; making that game appear to age not so gracefully. While I do praise the visuals highly, it’s not 100% great all the time. Bandai Namco, have indeed utilised Unreal Engine, instead of whatever in-house concoction they usually come up with. While I’m not entirely sure if it’s 4, or a heavily modified version of 3, either way the team behind it all have left in a few jaggies here and there. Nothing too bad mind you, it just means the game looks great most of the time, instead of all the time.

Sounds - VO, Sound Design, Music?

There’s not much to say here. It’s an arcade on-rail shooter - of course the sound design is amazing. Each bullet iss followed a meaty sound effect, which of course  is poorly balanced with the rest of the audio, so everything is drowned out by gunshots . I was in a noisy arcade so I didn’t get to appreciate other environmental sounds and the music, as much as I would have like.. Watching it back, there’s nothing special about TC5’s soundtrack but it still remains fitting and energising. The main theme is a pretty nice EDM interpretation of the series main theme but that’s it really. Personally, while the series has had a great soundtracks, in the past, I would call any of the OSTs after TC 1 & 2 too memorable at all. As I said, it’s fitting and that’s all it needs to be.

Voiceovers, voiceovers, voiceovers. By god, they’re voiceovers, alright. The game features dual audio but I only experienced the English VO - mind you, I have seen a playthrough with the Japanese ones. Both languages provide the equal parts cheese and cringe, both giving the ‘so-bad-it’s-good’ vibe. This is House of the Dead 2 levels of bad but it’s up to par with rest of the series so you’ve got nothing to worry about. I will say that the English VO tends to have more awkward moments more frequently but they both get the job done and they both provide a different experience. What more could you want?

Gameplay - It’s Time Crisis Alright.

Gameplay, at it’s core, is the same formula seen in TC3 & 4. It’s your usual shooting gallery with a cover mechanic. If you get to greedy an enemy’ll throw out a special red bullet that will take off one of your lives; the game will let you know this happening with a bright red ‘crisis flash’. The game also has you on a time meaning you can’t take your sweet time from behind cover - however, Time Crisis hasn’t felt like an actual crisis of time since the first game so you might as well take your sweet time behind cover. Introduced in TC3, is weapon switching; weapon switching functions a little differently in this game, so I’ll delve into that later into this piece. All you need to know is you have access to 4 guns: a handgun, machine gun, shotgun and a grenade launcher (all of which fire just as you’d expect). All of these little things add up to create some great set pieces and intense gunfights. TC5, as the series second HD outing, introduces that enhanced presentation and a small but meaningful load of mechanics. I won’t go in-depth about some of the new additions as they make brief appearances and are mostly featured in the latter three stages. Let’s just say as no point does TC5 feel ‘same-y’ or ‘stale’

The Bad

The Gameplay - Ok, let me elaborate.

Right, I just said that the gameplay’s good, right? Why is it now in the bad-section? Well, it’s a mixed bag. While, TC5 still retains what made the past games fun, this iteration features some drawbacks...and some they’re pretty game defining. For every step forward TC5 takes, it takes two steps back. These little niggles start to quickly add up and begin to degrade the quality of the experience. This game could be the best in the series, but with the flaws I’ll mention below in mind, it ends up feeling like an incredibly mediocre outing when it should in fact be the biggest and baddest TC yet.

Frame Rate - Cinematic But Not Practical

The game is capped at 30fps and it sure doesn’t feel like it was built around that frame rate. Need I say more? While this doesn’t impact gameplay for the most part, it can become an irritation. The game isn’t a rock-solid 30fps and that’s where I begin to have issues with the frame rate. It’s nothing horrible (just brief dips to 25fps, it felt like), but it could mean the difference between you losing a life or not, which could mean the difference between spending another dollar or not.  The game functions at 30fps but it doesn’t thrive at it; an obvious boost to 60 would indeed rectify, or at least help mask a lot of the issues I have. The main one, that directly tied to frame rate, is the ducking behind cover; vital for both shielding yourself and reloading. Numerous times during my play session I was blindsided by bullets I was meant to dodge...half of these yes, I’ll admit were my fault but other the other half, not so much. I would often left go of the pedal, with in an appropriate reaction window, but the animation of ducking behind cover wouldn’t play out in time. Sure, I could adapt to the new rhythm (like most 30fps games force you to) but I shouldn’t have to - every past entry has ran at 60 and the ducking mechanic has function fine. It shouldn’t be problem now. If I had to take a guess, the creators have prioritised graphical fidelity, with the frame-rate being an afterthought.

Weapon Switching - Don’t Fix What Ain’t Broke

OK - so this might not be a major problem but it was with my experience of the game. The new guns feature a little button on the side for weapon switching, similar to a GunCon2 which is pretty cool. This replaces pulling the trigger behind cover to switch weapons. However, this means you’re force to take a two handed grip - not necessarily a bad thing but does remove an option. My concern was more the button wasn’t very responsive. I could quickly snap between handgun to machine gun but trying to switch to the other two guns was hassle for some reason. The button almost pushes through to the other side and gets stuck - this might’ve just been an issue with the gun I was using though, but it did result in some imprecise weapon switching. All I’m saying is that the way, weapon switching has worked in the past was fine, and I believe the button on the side of the gun could’ve been used for something else.

Dual Pedals - It’s weird

New to the Time Crisis 5 is that aforementioned dual cover system. It...works - kinda, not really, sorta. On paper, it sounds like an excellent idea but in execution, it’s a little clunky and clunky play gets you killed. So you use the two pedals to switch between cover right? Yes, that part’s fine. Personally the animation getting between cover is a little long, but not too bad. It’s more say I’m poking out of the left cover. If I want to the be poking out of the right one, I would need to tap the right pedal which would put me behind the right cover - to then poke out of it, I would need to double tap the pedal and then hold it down. While I wouldn’t complain about the extra foot work, it just doesn’t feel kinaesthetically sound. It’s not entirely bad though. Tt’s just more that the 30fps caps lead to some imprecise cover shifting, which results more often than not for you to be smacked by a bullet you saw coming. If the game did have to be tied to that 30fps though, I feel a viable way to fix this would be to just use the pedals to switch between covers and use the button on the side for peeking out of cover, tying the two actions to two seperate inputs for more precise play. I guess if the button on the side is being used, might as well revert back to old weapon switching method.

The Handgun - What have you done to my baby?!?

The handgun got nerfed and I am sad. Past titles didn’t have a cap on how fast you could fire the handgun - it would fire as fast as you could finger blast. Rhyme and innuendo intentional. Hell, TC1 & 2 are entirely built around just having the handgun and how fast you can fire it. The fire rate on the handgun, in TC5, isn’t abysmal but it makes the little thing less satisfying to use, as well as less viable when stacked up against the machine gun. Yet again, people were easily doing handgun only runs of TC3 & 4 just because of how easy it was to use the handgun. It’s a bit of double edge sword so I can see why such a change happened, so as to make the hand gun feel like an obvious downgrade. I’m just not sure the way they did it in TC5, was the way to do it.

The FABULOUS

Character Designs - Oh yeah, baby

Say what you will but I like the path the series has taken since TC3, becoming increasingly more ‘mong’ as the series goes on - TC5 is the ‘mongiest’ entry thus far. The game also introduces some much need color into the overall presentation, which not only reflects well on flamboyant tone overhaul but also just makes the game more visually appealing to the eye. Oh and all the characters look visually distinct from one enough, not just the dual twink protagonists this time round. Essentially, everyone who’s not a target has been given the attention that a MC would be given.

The EVEN FABULOUS-ER?!?

Wild Dog & Wild Fang

‘Nuff said.

And that’s Time Crisis 5 - it makes some weird design choices that affect the flow of combat and your reaction time but ultimately it retains a lot of what the series has been praised before. While I wouldn’t say it’s as tight a gameplay experience as, say TC2 & 3 (even for 4 that matter - hey it runs at 60fps), it’s certainly a good enough title to add to the lineage. The new mechanics in the game also do a decent job of setting itself apart from past entries. I also feel lot of the issues I mentioned would actually be easily rectified with a higher frame rate. Maybe a console release could fix this, hey Bandai Namco? *wink wink* If you see TC5 out in wild, give it a few quarters and minutes of your time - it’s not the most polished experience but it sure is one hell of a ride.

[sachi-pon]

free! dive to the future episode 9 liveblog/review thing

it's time for another liveblog/review post!!! ^___^ the previous episode was so happy!! and it wrapped up some major plotlines of this season. so it seems like this new episode will be a big turning point. i don't really know what's going to happen because other than haru entering a competition against rin and sousuke dealing with his injury, i don't know what plotlines might emerge. this is going to be interesting...

my previous liveblogs: (episode 1) (episode 2) (episode 3) (episode 4) (episode 5) (episode 6) (episode 7) (episode 8)

official link to watch the episode: http://www.crunchyroll.com/free-iwatobi-swim-club/episode-9-interval-in-the-evening-calm-775640

***

crunchyroll changed their video player?!?!?! weird. and the subs look weird. okay this is just throwing me off, lol.

so this is the big turning point? a focus to a bunch of new characters? where are the characters i already know??? XD haha

wait, what is this game???? i want to play... i will probably lose though

wow see this is what happens when you're overconfident

whoa i wasn't prepared for that sudden english!!!! (even though the game's voiceover was in english lol)

no i don't want to see rin, i want to see that random mysterious english-speaking guy who is good at video games!!!

OMG WTF. HOW DID HIYORI STAY HIDDEN LIKE THAT. ...i just replayed the scene again and you can see a little bit of hiyori's hair sticking out behind ikuya's hair. XDDDDD

"you'll probably just end up making ikuya look better" find me a boyfriend who will give me praise like that. XD

BANANA SHAKE-U

wait, so there is this random person who is going to race haru and ikuya??? what? who? i guess he's important...

haru has to stick to free because... well... otherwise, they'd have to change the name of the show, right??

hmmmmm she looks familiar, it's almost as if i have seen her somewhere hmmmmmmmmmmm (sarcasm)

lol was that weird moment of evil laughter part of haru's imagination?? XDDDDD

his triceps are even more amazing than his swimming in my opinion <3

she wants to race haru? is she trying to have an epiphany about a problem going on in her life? haru should start charging for this service. he'd get rich.

ummm i don't care if you can beat the guys in your club. you can't beat haru.

i love how haru has almost no reaction to all of this craziness.

HOW DO YOU BUY THIS????? yay, my new favorite character is here <33333 i just love his english.

actually i would be confused about that machine too. i don't understand it haha

how did they suddenly teleport to a dining room/restaurant/whatever?

video games, easy. chopsticks... a different story.

oh wait, now he has learned how to chopstick.

haru being surprised is so cute. <3

wow that other guy just completely ignored haru's existence.

she's seeing him again?! oh no, now she will have to relive the trauma of being defeated at a video game. XD

omg, the temple looks so beautiful <333333

rei is such a great captain!!! nice pep talk!! ^__^

aaaaah i hope they make it to tokyo!!!!!

what is a concrete jungle parfait??? does it taste like concrete???

hmmmm maybe there will be another season, but focusing on rei, nagisa and the others? just a thought. that would be really weird though, because i am used to the focus being on haru.

haha asahi you lost. see, overconfident people will lose! didn't you watch the beginning of this episode?

rival brothers??? sounds pretty dramatic!!! i like it!

i forgot about kisumi oooooops

"ikuya kicked his butt in freestyle!!!!!" again, i want this type of boyfriend. <3

of course rin did an amazing job because he's rin and he's amazing.

this is how you guys practice swimming? by watching soap operas????

LOL WHAT. HOW. rin just HAPPENED to appear at this time? hahahaha

awww momo is so happy about the kangaroo!!! =) =) =)

what??!?!?!?!? uncle?!?!?!?!? whaaaat

momo and rin's faces lol

he writes emails about people's muscles??? totally what normal people do.

"keep working hard and don't slack off." yeah sorry guys, no more soap operas.

finally, a sousuke update!!!

yes, i think he will be fine!! =)

steve????? omg that's such a random name. and i love the way rin said it. but why is steve so fat??? he needs a diet immediately.

is albert some kind of bad guy??!!

"not of this world"?!?!?! albert is an ALIEN!!!!! run for your lives!!! the alien invasion is upon us!!!!!!!!

"i know those muscles!!!!!" of course you do, gou. of course you do.

what is this music??? for some reason, it's scaring me. (but it sounds cool. XD)

haru, i don't know if you should be swimming with an alien. it's not safe!! you don't know what he'll do to you!

oh no, this poor kid ;___; good thing the wonderful makoto was here to save him <33333 makoto is a hero too!! ^____^

uh-oh, this means makoto can't be there for haru's race. =(

MAKO IS CARRYING HIM AWWWWW THAT IS THE SWEETEST THING. MY HEART HAS JUST MELTED. <33333

super dramatic music!! o__O well i guess that's what happens when an alien has invaded the earth and has entered a human swim race.

wait, makoto made it to the race after all??? wow, you are pretty awesome, makoto. XD

yes haru lost, but he's at an unfair disadvantage. haru can never beat an alien. he is only human!!

why does my dear mako look sad in the preview???

mako and rin on a date? <3 lol

my thoughts on this episode: i'm going to be completely honest here and say... this was weird. yes it was an interesting episode and it was fun to watch it, but it was just weird. first of all, there are already many characters in this new season. why are the writers adding more characters??? it just seems kind of random and unexpected. secondly, i guess i don't really get the big deal about "haru lost." okay, so he lost. is that the major plotline for the next three episodes? i don't know, but maybe it will be. but is there anything particularly horrible about THIS loss? or did haru just expect to win every race all the time? was he overconfident? there were already two other examples of people being overconfident and then losing. however, i may be wrong here and haru may not have been overconfident.

albert is apparently a world record holder. haru's a highly skilled swimmer, but that doesn't mean he can beat a world record holder!! (and alien!) so is it really this huge surprise that he lost? i think there's something that i'm not realizing. i guess it'll become more clear to me in the next episode. in the next episode, we'll see how this loss has affected haru. maybe it's giving him a lot of stress, or sadness. or maybe he's fine. how does he feel? we're going to find out!! if he feels very bad, then i guess that's the major plotline of the next three episodes, because he'll need to recover from these negative feelings.

[leaveharmony]

In 2014, NJPW released a few short documentaries on World, before Wrestle Kingdom 9.  They were all released in versions with and without english subtitles; this is my transcription of the english subtitles on part one of Hiroshi Tanahashi’s.  I’ve done this before with plain screencaps interspersed but I wanted to redo it with .gifs, ‘cos I really love these little videos, and ‘cos I can now, and also, just ‘cos.  :)

This is Part 2.  Part 1 is here.

Teaser:

Question: What if Tanahashi Jr. became a pro  wrestler?!

HT:  “Well, right now he plays soccer.  When I  ask him if he wants to be a pro wrestler, he  answers ‘No way!’ When I ask why, he says,  ‘It looks like it hurts.’  It certainly does.

Q:  “What if he does become a pro wrestler?”

HT:  “Well, then the second coming would happen this century.”

(the little opening sequence plays; the theme of Tana’s documentary is  Tana’s passion for wrestling and his love for the fans)

Caption: 1.4 Towards Tokyo Dome

HT:  “I love the Tokyo Dome but I’m not  convinced yet.  To explain why, you’ve got  these great crowds at Korakuen Hall and  Ryogoku but so many more people come to the  Dome, right?  The crowd at the Dome get up and go crazy for great matches that I watched  when I was a fan.  Like the 10.9 show or  Inoki’s retirement match, that reaction is  what I want to draw out.”

Caption: November 20th, Gold’s Gym, Shinjuku,  Tokyo.  Tanahashi continues training towards  1.4

(we’re inside Gold’s Gym, watching Tana go through his workout)

HT:  “The target is 300.  Six days a week to  reach that goal.  I did it two years in a row  but last year I only did 291.  This year is shot.  (he leans on a railing, sighing at the tragedy of it all)  Even if I work hard from now on I won’t make 300.  I’ll do 3-A-Days!”

Caption: How to make time

HT:   “You have to manage your time wisely.   So, when I’m out doing local promoting I  always carry my workout gear and a change of  clothes with me.  And so, if I get like a 2  hour break, I ask our staff where the gym is  and just go there.  Footwork is really  important.  And then I’ll appear on TV or  radio soaked in sweat. (laughs)”

(more of Tana working out)

Caption: Training outstanding talent

HT:  “Of course, I want to be bigger.  In a short term, I train hard to increase  flexibility.  Then I add more muscle mass.”  

Caption: Ideal Body

HT:  “For me, it’s the Dynamite Kid.  If I could get a body like his, I want to be like that.  That was number one.”  

Q:  Have you gotten close to having a body like the Kid?

HT: Not even close.  The Kid in his prime, he had big shoulders and huge traps, also he was just so quick.  I don’t have that kind of  body yet.  I’ve still got a way to go. 

Caption: A peek at his strict eating habits

(Tana buys a little bento box  at the  counter and sits down at a window seat for  lunch)

Q:  “Tanahashi, what’s this?”

HT:  “This is Gold Gym’s chicken breast boxed lunch.  Brown rice, boiled chicken breast and broccoli.  It’s really good.  And healthy.”  

(he breaks his hashi up, briefly clasps his hands together and says “Itadakimasu,” then  starts eating)

Q:  “This is your lunch?”

HT:  “Yes”

Q:  “You’re pretty strict about your eating  habits, right?”

HT:  “There’s a difference when you’re being strict and when you’re not. You can feel it in your body right away.  I really like sweets, and there are times I eat at night,  but…building your body is a gradual process.  You just have to keep at it.  So you can eat something bad one day, and still be ok.  Changes take place over time, both good and bad.”

Caption: Meals during national tours

HT:  “During national tours…I don’t eat much  at night.  At company dinners I eat  selectively.  Like edamame or lean sashimi.   When there’s just convenience stores, then my  go-to food is canned mackerel.  I just eat them one after another.  I can’t stop.   (laughs)”

Q:  “Is ramen completely out of the question?   Do you like ramen?”  

HT:  “I love ramen and I want to eat some.  I crave them!  But it’s ok.  The Dome is  waiting.”

Caption: Bodybuilding for 1.4

HT:  “I always strive to be in my best shape  for the Dome…and whatever nerves I get, I put to use.  I have to or else.  I bundle up all my feelings and take the to the Dome,  where I release them.”

Caption: Tanahashi’s 1.4 has already started.

(Tana walks out of the gym.)

Caption: to the town of Omotesand?

Caption: Enjoying a little free time

HT:  “I used to go shopping a lot when I was  younger, but now it’s just rarely.  I love  shopping, but, it takes too long, it takes  twice as long as other people.  And they  never have my size.  (laughs)”

(It’s raining again - Tana is standing out in  it with his umbrella, eating a protein bar.   “Gotta get my fix,” he says)

Caption: It started raining so we headed to a  special place.

Caption: November 20th, Rela Quwa Omotesando

(Tana enters some kind of medical office, probably a physiotherapy place,   various greetings.  Inside, he’s seated filling out forms, and answering the doctor’s questions)

HT:  “My neck is bad.”

Doctor:  “Yes”

HT:  “In my neck and waist…I can barely turn  my neck.”

(the doctor, Hiroki Mihara, makes hmmm  noises, and asks about injuries)

HT:  “Some fractured bones in my hand.  My  knuckles, both right and left cross  ligaments, and front and back ligaments too  (indicating his knees)”

HM:  “I see.  Anything else?”

HT:  “Last August, I injured my neck really badly, but it’s better.  There’s something near the base of my head that works like a  catch and must be forcibly reset each time.”

HM:  “Were you dropped?”

HT:  “From really high up, it was bad.  (chuckles)”

HM:  “Yes.  So mostly the neck?”

HT:   “Yeah, and my back is stiff in the  morning.  It feels like it might pop when I  get up slowly.”

(quick cut.  Absent his coat, Tana sits on  the exam table with a pained look while the doctor examines & manipulates his back.  Some movements must be painful, because Tana’s grimacing and hissing.)

HM (about the alignment of his back):  “This is straight.”

HT:  “So it’s off, to the left.”

HM:  “Yeah”

HT:  “I didn’t realize.”

HM (checking his shoulders):  “The shoulders  are off, too.”

HT:  “Now that you mention it...”

HM (turning Tana):  “It goes this way.”

HT:  “So it seems.”

HM (indicating right):  “This side.  (he  manipulates Tana’s left arm) You need to  stretch more.”

HT:  “My left shoulder is really bad, the right  is still ok.”

HM (checking Tana’s right shoulder):   “Yes, so  it seems.  What about your neck?”

HT:  “Both sides really hurt.”

HM:  “With your shoulders like this…(indicating a position)...your neck is straight.”

HT:   “Really?  (he makes a “Yeeeech” noise)”

HM:  “It really is yes.  Do this and you can  move.”

HT:  “I see.”

HM (indicating Tana’s troublesome left  shoulder):  “Let’s do this shoulder.”

HT:  “Yes please.”

Caption: Toward 1.4 making the condition of  his injured body as good as possible.

(Tana is flat out on the exam table while the doctor works on his limbs)

HM: “Your muscles are great.”  

HT (muffled, he’s on his stomach while the  doctor works on his back): “They’re too soft.”

HM:  “Piable.”

(Question from a NJPW staffer, until now  silent):  “Big difference?”

HM:  “Yes, completely different.  Comparing top athlete’s muscles to others, even though they’re soft, they’re more pliable, which  means they respond easily to loosening.  Your  muscles will loosen up right away. If your muscles were more rigid, you’d get much stiffer quickly.  And your joints are much  looser than I expected.” 

HT (still muffled):  “Many people think that  pro wrestlers aren’t that flexible.”

(time passes, Tana is on his back now while  the doctor tends to his left shoulder.  When  we pan up to his face, he looks both like he’s in slight pain and like he’s on a one way magic carpet ride to Blisstown, population: Tanahashi)

HT:  “Amazing, I feel it…”

HM:  “I can move it now.”

HT (indicating with his right arm for comparison):  “Before it only moved to here.”

HM:  “I’m surprised you could move it.”

HT:  “But it’s fixed now.”

HM:  “It’s been a long time.”

HT:  “Yes it was.  It hurt so bad.  I could hardly move it by myself.  It even hurt just to stretch it.”

Caption: The injured body

(Tana is on his side while the doctor works  his right shoulder hard.  He’s not in  Blisstown anymore; I guess the right wasn’t as ok as he thought)

HT (voiceover, after the session):  “When you are performing for others, you have to  possess this inner strength.  When people  come to see you perform, as a pro wrestler,  there is this desire to make them happy and  enthusiastic.  You have to perform despite  the pain.”

HM (while working on Tana’s neck):  “There are some pro wrestlers who continue on even while  injured.”

HT:  “In fact, I had to continue wrestling after suffering whiplash.  It was in the big tournament this summer, I went on even though  I couldn’t move my neck.”

(transcriber’s note: fuck you, Fale!)

HM:  “I’ll do your neck thoroughly.”

(shots of the session continue while Tana  does another voice over.  He has a sizable scar on his left elbow, probably from some surgery or other)

Caption: Body care of a 38 year old

HT:  “When I was younger, I’d hit the gym without any preparation.  But as I got older,  I started stretching before and after. Also,  this might sound strange, but while showering  after finishing my workout, I would say  ‘thank you’ to my muscles as I washed my  body.  (he starts to laugh)”

(the session concludes.  Tana is stretching experimentally, testing his restored mobility)

HM:  “You were in bad shape, especially on your left side, but you’ll feel better now.”

HT:  “I see.”

HM:  “To be honest, your whole body was out of  line, but another (session) or two and you’ll be fine.”

HT (smiling, knowing he’ll probably delay too  long the next time too):  “I’ll come again.”

(Tana takes a selfie with the doc, because of  course he does)

Caption: Suddenly, an outstanding talent  comes…

(a Very Tall Kid walks in.  One of the clinic  staff, he’s 22 years old and 6'2.  Tana looks like all his christmasses have come at once,  and immediately goes into Recruitment Mode.)

HT:  “New Japan is recruiting new members, so  come!”

(the kid starts to laugh)

HM:  “He’s 6'2, definitely.”

HT:  “He’ll get bigger.”

HM:  “You’re only 22, right?”

(the kid nods, he’s past speaking for a  moment but grinning incandescently at Tana.   He kinda reminds me of Okada a bit, the way he’s grinning & giggling)

The Kid:  “Yes.  I want to bodybuild.”

HM:  “Start with bodybuilding.  You can always  do both, so start with that.”

HT:  “Amazing!  6'2 is really tall for a  Japanese.”

The Kid, to Tana:  “Do I have to be your size?”

HT:  “You are big enough now.”

(Tana takes a selfie with The Kid, because of  course he does)

(outside again)

Caption: January 4, 2015;  Standing on the  main stage of the Tokyo Dome 5 years in a  row.

HT:  “I feel like New Japan Pro Wrestling…is  riding on my shoulders.  ‘I love you four  years in a row.’ is what I want to continue.   Until I’m told, it’s enough.”

Caption: VS Okada Kazuchika

HT:  “What makes Okada so great and popular  nowadays is, like me, we have this great  connection with our fans.  And Okada’s motto  has always been ‘Keep evolving!’  Okada’s  popularity is already staggering, so facing  someone like Tanahashi may not be enough for  Okada.  What can I do?  Evolve.  I will  evolve.  Okada and the fans want that.  What  can I do to make pro wrestling more exciting?   Be stronger and outrageous.  If we make pro  wrestling interesting, its popularity will  continue to grow…”

Caption: 1.4 The Moment of victory

HT (hums for a second):   “In kanji, ‘bliss’ is  written with ‘climax’ and ‘good fortune.’  I  wonder…for a wrestler it’s the peak.   Realizing your dreams of becoming a champion,  in a place like the Tokyo Dome, and saying “I love you all,” that is bliss.  To go far  beyond the confines of the Tokyo Dome, doing  what I love as a pro wrestler, I want to continue to savor new and exciting  experiences for years to come.” 

[apeterbakerus1-blog]

A voice over actor’s typical workflow

By Peter Baker:  www.peterbakervoiceover.com

So you’ve set yourself up as a voice over actor?  Good for you!  You have a studio set up and wonder what will happen?  You'll get an email from a client who has found your website and likes your samples.    If they haven't given this detail with the script you need to ask them the following:

1) STYLE  What voice style do you want...is there a showreel you like?

2) PACE What speed?  Does it need to fit into 2m25s for example?

3) CHALLENGING WORDS  How do you pronounce certain words or acronyms?  Ideally they'd send you an audio file saying challenging words very slowly and also at normal speed.  Don't just rely on forvo.com, or howjsay.com.  For non-English words, Google Translate gives you a good idea sometimes if you click the right language, but don't rely on it!  For unusual non-English company names, you may find a video on YouTube that mentioned how to say the word you are looking for.

4) FILE TYPE  As a voice over actor, you need to ask, what file type do they need?  WAV?  AIF? mp3?  What data and bit rate?  For example, even though most modern digital recorders capture at 32bit 48KHz, San Francisco's Voice Bunny insists on files that are WAV but 16 bit and 44.1KHz. ACX or Audible audio books need files that are mp3 files, 192Kb/sec and normalised to -3dB.

After you have all the information, you'd record, peaking between "4" and "6" on your calibrated PPM meters or equivalent if you are using VU meters.  I would say if you are serious about being a voice over actor, you’d use PPM or “Peak Programme Meters” as used in the BBC and professional radio and TV stations as they are much more accurate than VU.

5)  FILE EDITING & PROCESSING  You as a voice over actor can't send the raw audio to the client, although some studios insist as they want to deal with waveforms without any processing.  At the very least you need to delete your mistakes, after all you're a professional that doesn't make mistakes, aren't you?!  Here's the order I personally process files.  I can do this very quickly as I have keyboard pre-sets on Adobe Audition, which saves so much time. (Use ALT + K if you have Audition!)

- Open the waveform

- Chop off the rubbish at the start and end

- Cut out mistakes.  A good technique is to leave a 5 second or so gap when you mess up during recording.  You won't be wasting this time, you'd be re-reading the script to ensure you don't flub!

- Deal with "spikes" - these are nasty sounds that can be treated with an electronic pop filter or if too bad, it may need a retake.

- Add 0.5 second of silence at the start of the file. Add 2 seconds at the end of the file.

- Deal with breaths.  A natural sounding read will usually be fine with breaths left in, but for a fast reading commercial, you may need to spend time carefully cutting out breaths in a desperate attempt to save milliseconds!

- I normalise the waveform to 100%, then add light limiting - 9Db - to give the waveform a "haircut", then "Normalise" the file to -3Db, before saving.

Never ever attach files to emails, even small ones add up to clog your send box.  It's far more professional to email a link from a file transfer service.  If your client does not ask for specific file types, send a 32 bit wav and a small email copy which is useful in case the production company need to email it to their clients.

7) FEEDBACK

I recommend that you offer "unlimited" retakes, like I do.  In other words, if the client wants any changes, you don't penalise them in any way.  For no extra charge, you will re-record the sections required or even the whole lot if they want it.  In my experience, unless you really haven't understood the brief you'd been given, most people will be fully happy first time or just want a few retakes in the style and speed of the original that they can "patch" over the original recording.

8) INVOICING

It's rude and desperate for you as a professional voice over actor  to send invoices right away; it's usually good form to wait a few days at least!  Unless you are happy with your own accounts system, I recommend Xero, the system that I use.  It's great because it's a cloud based system, no installation, so you can reconcile your accounts on your phone, tablet or any computer anywhere. You can set up multiple currencies in PayPal, a must for an international voiceover.  My Xero is set up with GB Pounds, US Dollars, Canadian Dollars, Australian Dollars and Euros.  It works out currency conversions as well.  But the killer application is that the system securely "sniffs" your bank and PayPal accounts once a day so you don't have to enter anything.  You just need to match your invoices with the payments that Xero has sniffed out and everything is fine.  As Xero is cloud based, your accountant can log in as well, so you don't need to waste time doing the yearly account submission as you've already done it!  I highly recommend all voice over actors getting a cloud based accounts system and ignore Excel and paper based systems.  You won’t have time.

9) GROWING THE BUSINESS

As a professional voice over actor, you must update your website once a month at least, keeping in mind SEO.  Pepper your site with varieties of the words apart from “voice over actor”- such as commentator, audio recordings, audio studio, audio talent, etc.  Don't forget featuring keywords of your specialties such as "medical voiceovers, medical narration, pharmaceutical narration, etc.  Ensure the "id" and "Alt tag" on your images isn't some random number but something that search engines can read.

Each day, do at least 20 minutes of marketing, even if you are busy.  Find new production companies and look up their websites then email them with a short, professional message offering your services.  Target a country per week if you like.  Mandy.com have a superb international directory of production companies that is free to access.  Linkedin is great if you use it properly.  Ask these sorts of people to join your network as a top voice over actor :  Production managers, Creative Directors, Producers, any video production company, audio production companies, etc.  Don't forget that when they accept your invite, you will be sent an email.  Don't ignore this as you'll get a link (in small blue writing - don't miss it!) saying "Send a message".  This is gold-dust as you can send a direct message including your contact details without buying any "in-mails" from LinkedIn.

Consider signing up to voice over actor websites where clients post auditions and you send in your best shot.  These so called "pay to play" sites have had loads of criticism, but usually from voiceovers who don't use the sites properly, and therefore don't get much work from them.  Some sites you pay a subscription and then they also take a % of the fee, but they offer a voiceover access to some very high profile clients.  The most professional and active sites are in my opinion:  voices.com; voice123.com, voicebunny.com, bodalgo.com, the voicerealm.com.  Don't forget the general freelance sites where you can post your voiceover services...People Per Hour, UpWork etc.  Fiverr is also a great money spinner, but don't sell VO's for just one $5 gig, use the Fiverr package options to include loads of perceived "extras" that people will generally need anyway, such as fast delivery, wav file and so on. Nobody actually pays just $5.   Over the last 5 years or so, I have netted over $87,000 just from Fiverr, (honestly!) so this is one not to be ignored.

For more details on how to build and grow your voice over actor career, I have loads of training videos you are welcome to look at.   Please visit:   www.voiceovermasterclass.com

I also have a Kindle book on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Voiceover-Masterclass-Scripts-Deliver-Professional-ebook/dp/B00Y6YDI1E/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1517222336&sr=1-1&keywords=voiceover+masterclass

Good luck!   PETER BAKER  www.theenglishvoiceover.com

For More Info :- voice over rates

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

7O3X 1 | Saiyuki Reload Blast 1 | Konbini Kareshi 1 | Knight’s & Magic 1 | Chronos Ruler 1 | 18if 1 | Boku no Hero Academia 27 | Vatican Kiseki Chousakan 1 | Katsugeki 2 | Hina Logi 2 - 3

Still need votes for this.

7O3X 1

As you can kinda tell from these notes, I love random trivia, so this was a hype show ever since I found out about it. Then again, I never thought a quiz anime would exist in the first place prior to the announcement of this.

Okay, question 1 – why exactly did some Japanese staff member saddle this show with a name that doesn’t match the Japanese title at all? So long as you know O is a correct answer, you’re fine…

I love how they’ve styled the credits to be like a Q and A. That really works in the show’s favour.

Headband girl’s name is Mari Fukami, right? How does she pose her legs like that?!

For some reason, I like Shiki’s name in the Western order more…

Interesting how Kuroda stands out more than Shiki, knowing anime tropes.

I’m not entirely up to snuff on Japan’s nuclear stuff, but the Descartes saying is fairly well known and I got it. The thing about quiz shows is that you have to want to play along, which I’m not getting just yet, but this is just the setup stage so I’ll keep going. Sahara…The Metamorphosis (I love transformation fiction, so to get a question about Metamorphosis so early on basically means you’ve won me over, LOL)…I think the deeper this goes, the more cliché it may seem, but I like it. Especially because I remember  helping out at the library a lot (plus free pizza as a result…haha).

The books Shiki passes by include “The World of Literature You Don’t Know” and a parody of that Arukeyo Otome thing by Masaaki Yuasa that was released recently (which is based on a novel). Specifically, the name of the 7O3X version of the book is “The Morning is Short, Walk On Girl” (to use the sentence pattern of the original).

Ah, now Shiki’s a kiddo that gets me! I’ve never been too sociable to people and before I got too deep with the internet, it was just me and books, and as a result I specialised in everything English (bar writing, which I was average at). However, by the time I was 13, I lost my skills in English to essays. My love of anime made its resurgence around then so I suspect if I were still a book nerd, I wouldn’t be where I am today…

Okay, I think someone on the ‘net warned me about the panty shot. It’s a good thing Shiki is clearly uncomfortable with it…yeah. Moving on.

That club with the skirts really is disturbing, but I couldn’t help laughing like the brunette in front of Shiki.

Gakuto really made a great first impression. It wowed me. Unfortunately, the quiz show he referenced doesn’t exist, according to Google-sensei…”High School Quiz Show” apparently does, though.

I think there are specialised makers of those buzzers, Shiki. Or you could order them online or something, your call.

Please stop with the panty shot references…but sticking “April” in English really doesn’t make this question work out for me. So, to answer in Japanese, it would be shigatsu.

There are 50 stars on the American flag, right?…Yep. It wasn’t a trick question – buzzing in too fast can be a liability, so make sure you listen to the entire question before you answer!

I’d actually guess Gakuto is going to ask for “the nation with the most people”…Darnit! Oh well, I knew that one before the other guy buzzed in. Interesting how there’s Vatican Miracle Examiner this season though.

I suck at anticipating questions, but I’m good at answering like Shiki. “Et tu, Brute?” is said by Julius Caesar.

The guy to Mari’s left just seems to be fooling around. I’d know that sort of guy anywhere…*frowning face*

I don’t know about this “I fell in love” one…By the way, the text is here. That reveals the author is Dazai and Das Gemeine actually starts with “Back then, each day was the end of my life.” “I fell in love” comes after that.

Kaijou High School? Is this foreshadowing for a later opponent? Like, say, Mikuriya Chisato?

Stop it with the panty shot reference! Argh!

Wait, there’s a silhouette there in one of the circles. The long hair and colour of the circle indicates it’s most likely a girl, but probably one the staff want to keep secret…Interesting.

I’m kind of ambivalent, as this was one of 4 major hype shows for me. The number of panty shot references means they may refer to the event again in subsequent episodes, and fanservice has killed shows for me in the past. However, I’m slowly getting the hang of this quiz bowl stuff, even if I can’t always get in before the answer, and I know the emphasis is on quizzes, so I’ll give it another ep.

Saiyuki Reload Blast 1

Apparently, you don’t need to know much to get into Saiyuki so *shrugs* I’m gonna try it.

I think a more literal version of this ep title is “Sudden Storm”. “Squall” implies power as much as immediacy…

This reeks of DN Angel (late 90s/early 2000s) style, and I like it! Plus I’ve heard of the dragon/Jeep from other people who’ve talked about the series (notably there was an article on CR that convinced me to watch this and it mentioned the dragon), so…that was actually no biggie. Camera blood spatter is a bit questionable, though…

I have weird tastes in humour, as you might know from Kado. Therefore, when the woman appeared at the window, I laughed myself silly…

Shangri-la is China, so it’s natural that west China is different to east China. Kind of like how western America and eastern America are different…

I dunno why Gojyo is a water sprite, but that “diarrhoea sprite” thing is funny.

Gahh! That blonde (Sanzo) is too hot for me! No wonder people put characters on dakimakura, this guy looks right at home on one.

Well, I dunno what I just got myself into, but that was some good stuff! Next ep, please! (Plus, Granrodeo and Luck Life, the same duo of artists on Bungou Stray Dogs. That’s gotta be a good sign, right?)

Oh great, I left the ep running and it turns out there’s an after credits segment. Tsukigakirei’s after credits extras didn’t quite work for me, but since I laughed so much at the main show, this shouldn’t hurt, right?

G-Guh! The dragon can write calligraphy?! With its feet?! At least the joke works in Japanese and English…

That baldness joke works for me, considering I know Sanzo’s a priest…welp, if you get a lil’ background knowledge, it seems like you can conquer almost anything Saiyuki, and who knows what places it’ll take me in the future, eh?

Konbini Kareshi 1

I’m here for the VA talent, if nothing else. Nishiyama’s (Atsushi of Boueibu) getting a lot of side roles lately, which is great!

That running sequence took a good minute and a half, which is the same length as the OP. I almost noped out of there because that kind of thing is only compelling for about 10 seconds for me.

There’s something that’s a hybrid of Sagrada Reset, Denpa Kyoushi and Tsukigakirei here…which means it’ll probably get a low to medium rating, if anything. I can normally peg what sort of rating a show will get by its first episode,because shows tend to be consistent about what they do.

Interesting to note they don’t use shigatsu here.

The picture book is “The Mermaid Prince” (<- update: “The Merfolk Prince” is a better translation, so my bad). It was pretty obvious by the swimming sequence in the OP that at least one of these guys is a swimmer, or at least a PE nut (as some of the other things on his table suggest).<br>

I’ve never seen a younger brother be a morning person and the one to wake up a sibling. It’s always an imouto or a mother…

Wasn’t this straight romance, and not Hitorijime My Hero romance? Towa really has that bromance thing going on for him, the way Suna and Takeo (Ore Monogatari) do.

CS I think is a reference to BS Japan, one of the TV stations that shows Boueibu. Update: It’s actually highly likely to be CS-TBS, which shows the show. By the by, Nishiyama is Miki.

The red keion announcement vaguely pisses me off simply because I know that’s the light music club. I’ve seen small snippets of K-On, and while it wasn’t enough to warrant marking episodes off, catchy songs aren’t enough to keep me coming back.

This first meeting seems a little hamfisted for some reason I can’t put my finger on. However, it’s great Miki’s getting a lot of lines right here, although it’s still a side role…

The background scenery is beautiful in this show…

Here we go again…(basically, I have a very low opinion of this show, just as I suspected I would have).

I’ve got the volume on to evaluate Nishiyama, but the high-pitched teasing voice Towa just used is not natural at all. It would’ve worked better in his normal voice.

I get why the girls are fangirling over books, but I didn’t get who Michael Ende was until “The Neverending Story” came up, haha.

Glasses girl (Mami, right?) is reading something called “Glasses Man”, haha.

There’s a lot of voiceover here, as if the anime staff don’t quite care about their show enough to animate lip flaps.

As soon as she stepped on his foot and he didn’t give chase, that’s when I realised I didn’t quite care about these people. The pacing in this show, during critical moments, is just too awkward, that’s why…

Well, that was subpar. It has an opportunity to get better next ep, but I don’t care to stick around enough. However, there’s an interesting thing in the ED – there’s credits for scripting “Merfolk Prince”, meaning that may show up in a later ep. This ED sounds Coldplay-turned-Japanese, which is cool.

Knight’s & Magic 1

If you didn’t notice already, I’ve become so complacent with the premieres, this is my biggest season so far. If I finish watching every first ep I intend to watch as of the count I did for this commentary, I’d have 17 documented (7 more than on my hype list) because I have time, plus I’m relying on ANN to find me the good stuff this time.

What’s with that apostrophe in the title? As someone who likes their grammar to be correct, I just don’t like it.

I get the appeal of programming as an IT nerd, but it’s an acquired taste, plus it doesn’t have much payoff when you get frustrated at problems within your own code because it’s all a bunch of words and punctuation anyway.

Oh, it’s that effect where you-letterboxing! That’s what I was thinking of! (Reminds me of Erased.) Also, the ambient light is nice here, but the angled letterboxing is just plain weird.

CGI…bugs? That’s a pretty bad choice for monsters, IMHO.

ANN people have commented Erni’s past went too fast and I agree. Also, it’s just cliché after cliché with this show, ain’t it? Including the need to kabedon a girl.

Why does red eyed girl look like Atsushi of Bungou Stray Dogs? Plus, the wear on the mechas is nice.

Not every man – or every woman or other kind of person – dreams of robots, y’know?

“Trandorkis.” That’s the worst name I’ve ever heard in a while, and not just because it has “dork” in it, mind you.

Well, the look is shiny, bright and appealing and I can see this having a niche appeal to those who like giant robots. However, the backstory was too fast and Erni is way too OP for this world, so I’m dropping it.

Chronos Ruler 1

I’m familiar with only the first one or two chapters of the source material, so I was surprised this got adapted to anime…considering it’s a Taiwanese creator on a Jump manga though, it was kinda inevitable these days with all the Chinese coproductions.

That was a pretty interesting intro, even if it seemed like I’d watched the PV instead.

The battle there was good but a lil’ rotoscopy…hmph.

The colour scheme’s a lil’ dark…it’s a bit worrying, because Chronos Ruler normally has some pretty bright colours. I don’t want this to come off as a completely edgelord work like Big Order. I don’t seem to recall this dog though…

I’m pretty sure I don’t remember the forced humour spot, either, though it’s not as bad as, say, Bungou, where the director is known for his distinctive style of humour. Then again, my memory on this stuff is kinda vague.

This thing is starting to show cracks in its façade. Some of the movements are stiff and the CGI, while integreated well, doesn’t quite work with the 2D (although that’s shown up since the battle with the Horologue). “Cabalet” really adds to the cracks.

Every time Kiri speaks, I think of Kunikida (Bungou), so Victo is Dazai.

Adding the music to the show really adds another crack. There is absolutely no singing going on in this one singing scene.

Cue bad time puns. Puns are one of my specialties, y’know, so I don’t mind ‘em. Why else would I run LOL Yeah Shinichi, eh?

Victo, you remind me so much of +Anima’s Senri…and that’s just beautiful. Not many shows remind me of that. To anyone reading this, if you can get your hands on the old Tokyopop releases, +Anima is a gorgeous series, so go read it!

If Victo’s cards can fire at Mach 10, then he can’t beat Koro-sensei, LOL. (Ouch.)

Kids, don’t wear your hats inside. That’s an etiquette thing you should never forget, okay?

That was…strangely a much better premiere than I expected a Chinese part-production to be like! It’s better than the bunch of premieres I’ve tackled already and since good premieres are scarce, I’m taking it!

Update: Here’s another sign that doesn’t bode well for this show – it’s got the same director as Chaos Dragon (Masato Matsune), which I dropped after 2 eps. Chaos Dragon is known to be the epitome of road apples around the internet…

18if 1

18if was initially the only thing guaranteed to be out of Amazon’s greedy hands, so it’s great to see something so visually exciting ifnally be here for me. I know it’s based on a mobile game, which tend to be bad, but…c’mon, I’m struggling to find a good lineup here with what’s basically the death of Kaito x Ansa (it debuted on the 12th, but still hasn’t come CR’s way). Katsugeki’s good though, so at least that’s a lock for the commentary…

Quick –is this thing meant to be fully English? Or is this just Funimation being annoying?

Oh no, what a horrible first impression! Someone who speaks from their *erhem* and a chicken, aka cock…*muffles laughter* How dirty of me to even suggest it, but…well, it’s what we’re working with here.

The more I watch, the more confused I get.

Couldn’t Haruto have run towards the door? Or is this one of those non-lucid dreams?

This 16 frame simultaneous animation doesn’t quite work for me, but it’s an interesting hallmark of this anime.

Katsumi’s a Looney Toons Cat, sort of kind of…

The production values are mostly quite good, but unfortunately Haruto looks eyesearingly bad and I still can’t quite grasp the narrative thread of this show…

I just realised I completely didn’t care about Haruto getting his arm chopped off, not only because this is a dream world where anything can happen, but because heck, that arm drop wasn’t dramatic in the least.

“Anything can happen in this world”, eh? Including headphones being sliced off with a head, it seems.

Wait, so Yuko’s from his school? Haruto, please don’t encourage Yuko to skip school, as cool as that is.

Okay, I can see this becoming a harem crossed with The Royal Tutor…which would pretty much make this the Monogatari series. Unfortunately, because I still can’t quite detect what’s happened narrative-wise and the production values aren’t as great as they seem at first glance, I’m dropping this.

Boku no Hero Academia 27

Finally, we get out of that pool of mediocrity to get to the good stuff. Let’s go!

This new amazarashi OP is…great! Absolutely great match for this show…but as a musical choice for me, it’s kinda dull.

This old man is great humour-wise, but man, he’s basically Speed of Sound Sonic as an old geezer, LOL. The vibes between “little bro” and “big bro” are just too much.

Gran Torino really is a great old guy, basically Yoda, LOL (I had to make the comparison because even though I’ve never seen Star Wars, Horikoshi’s a fan). He can see weakness just from watching Deku on TV, which is what every great mentor should be able to do, right?

What makes movement flexible? Belief in one’s own strength and no fear for repercussions (not quite in the way Deku’s doing right now, but rather going all out all the time without having a subconscious fear drag you down). Also of course exercise and youth works in your favour.

Deku likes katsudon, LOL. No wonder he’s basically Yuri Katsuki’s little bro as well as Saitama’s, hahaha.

Best Jeanist is basically Aoyama gone pro (I’ll say ouch for Bakugou in advance).

Oh! Uwabami! I know she came from Oumagadoki Zoo, so it’s nice to see her animated!

Gahaha, Gran Torino is such a Mr Miyagi (even though I’ve never seen the original Karate Kid).

“Omazan”, LOL! This ep just keeps getting better and better!

Gahaha, I just made a comparison of Yuri Katsuki to Deku, and suddenly here come the food metaphors. This show became superhero!YOI with better comedy, and that’s just even more fantabulous than before.

This fairy tale AU, I dig it. Unfortunately, Mercy (@mercysorrows) spoilt prince!Shouto for me, but yes, this AU is just as great as the ep itself. Kaminari looks great in this, although I’m disappointed I couldn’t see Tokoyami. What a great twist at the end though, for it to be 1-A’s festival album…is that foreshadowing for a later arc, perhaps? (The All Might fire is both a fitting and a sad analogy, because All Might’s force is literally Deku’s sword and shield and All Might’s presence is what makes Deku a hero, yet it suggests Toshinori’s time as a buff man is limited…*feels all sad inside*)

Vatican Kiseki Chousakan 1

This one actually seems like it has some promise, and because I was a Detective Conan fan a few years back I’m a sucker for any new seasonal mystery series. By the way, let’s just call this “The Vatican Anime” and leave it at that, okay?

“This story is a work of fiction…” – The Vatican’s real, though, right? By the way, “succor” is, according to Google-sensei, “assistance and support in times of hardship and distress.”

The shaky camera doesn’t quite do it for me…There was similar stuff for Chronos Ruler, only that time they overdid their spinning.

I thought the door was an elevator, that’s how deceiving that doorbell was. Sheesh though, Hiraga looks like the dude from 91 Days when he’s tired (which is not a compliment!).

The Game of Angels and Demons seems to be reversi or something, Google doesn’t give me anything good on it.

*points at undressed Hiraga* Unnecessary, but wowee. Me likey.

“I’m the one who came up with the game.” – Oh, that explains why I had no proper hits on it…*sighs*

Biometrics? I thought we were in the 91 Days era, or at least another period in the past. Turns out we’re in the present (or somewhere very close to it).

Comparison to Youkai Apato here – both shows take care to state the obvious, but well…they’ve all got a good dose of (at least somewhat good looking) bishies, so I can live with that.

Okay, wait…they show Mexico on the map, but Google just keeps getting me hits for New Mexico (slightly off from the shown section of America) when I look for “aliens America 1945”, and Roswell was 1947 so uh…this really is a work of fiction, after all.

The most widespread religion where I am is Christianity, so it was optional for me to take RE back in the day. I’m not too familiar with Catholics (although there should be some if I bother to look for them), but…this smacks so much of my old RE classes yet doesn’t give me the same nostalgia as the recent Saiyuki did. Maybe it’s the cracks of subparness and the stating the obvious that are doing this.

This Jacob guy looks brainwashed. More than the other procession of priests we’ve just been introduced to, at least.

Bad CGI…then again, I keep these gripes because even Chronos Ruler does better than this and because Kado is its precedent.

“…follow the way like a little child would.”

So the show finally shows some promise! Why did it only start pulling out its big guns now? Probably lazy writing…

I know the AB negative blood is rare, but couldn’t there be someone else with that blood type around the Church? It’s not impossible, y’know?

Can someone verify the correctness of the Italian in this email?

I think we met Johannes already, so…it seems like this show has a propensity to introduce the viewer to a person twice over. That works when things are like Detective Conan (one story spread over 3 eps) but doesn’t work for 1 ep.

I get a sense of feeling of blasphemy from you guys (Hiraga and Nicolas) too, although I’ve pointed out my reasoning.

It’s a good thing it seems like the staff went out to the Vatican to get something that looks realistic, eh?

Wait, is Lauren a man?! Oh my…Also, from my version of the video (from Hidive/Sentai) I get the feeling the next ep preview got blended into the ED. Or was that just time constraints?

Wait, there’s a Horror Bunko? If I knew a Horror Bunko existed, why haven’t they started adapting stuff from it until now? I think people have been complaining about the lack of good horror works in anime…(Oh, I could probably answer my own question there – horror isn’t that popular in Japan itself. It’s popular in the West though…)

All in all, it’s not quite as Scooby-Doo as some people have pegged it to be, but not inspiring enough to continue.

Katsugeki 2

I’m pretty scarce on choice, so I’m doing what was previously never ever done before – I’m picking up one of my worst rankers (Hina Logi) to have a second look at. Mind you, we’ve had an overall stinker of a season so far.

(insert “Come at me, bro!” joke for Tonbokiri)

Huh, interesting – I’ve used female pronouns for the saniwa due to the female VA, but now that I properly listen to them, they do seem more like a dude. Does that mean that Touken Ranbu is specifically trying to go for a larger audience than just fangirls? Of course, for the fangirls, there’s Hanamaru, but Katsugeki’s way better.

Okay, Mutsu. 6 bullets is overkill, calm your gun-totin’ farm. Mutsu’s much like the typical anime protag and while he’s an alright sword, I never have been able to understand the appeal behind him. Maybe he’s for the people who like muscular bishies…? Tonbokiri and Yamabushi probably do that better than him…

LOL, these two. However, just comparing their stats, Kane-san edges over Mutsu a bit for everything aside from range…and that’s only because most swords have a short range.

When you talk about Tonbokiri, you often hear the legend, so it’s no surprise to hear it here. I’m just not good with sorting these swords chronologically though, so…Tonbikiri comes from the age of Nobunaga no Shinobi, huh? Interesting.

Daifuku.

The reason Mutsu carries a gun is because Ryoma Sakamoto was around during the dying days of the age of swords.

It’s kinda hard to hear what Mutsu’s saying from the way he talks, but the hot pot is specifically a nabe.

Noting that Tonbokiri’s ben out about 50 times, this saniwa really is a rookie and this era is probably the second or third map. Yagen isn’t too rare though, so he’s probably the biggest veteran here in regards to this saniwa. However, Mutsu’s number means that this saniwa’s starter wasn’t him…who was it, then?

Mutsu’s statement about daifuku is a pun on the fact “daifuku” means “great luck” as well as being a name for this mochi-like item.

Mutsu, weren’t you going to eat…?

What even is a Historical Restraining Force? Is that the group the saniwa is part of?…My bad, they just explained it.

One of the things that make Touken Ranbu so great is the propensity of it to go from battle action to serious drama or poignant melancholy at the drop of a hat.

This ED…was an odd choice, but has a nice singer. I realised the shots of people I don’t recognise show the swords when they were…y’know, swords. I still love the style of the next ep preview though (it’s even got the same BGM as the game!) and as expected, the citadel at the end of the ED is gorgeous.

Hina Logi 2

Good anime are scarce this season and magical girl shows that can be put through the commentary are scarcer, so…here we are.

“Rice Balls Over Flowers” is hana yori dango. Plus, hina means chick and since chicks are cute, I guess that’s where the aesthetic of the show comes from.

Someone likes the Osomatsu-san ED aesthetic, it seems.

How can you walk and not notice those breasts??? That’s exactly why I didn’t want to pick up this show again.

A qipao is a type of Chinese dress, the sort that normally has a slit up the leg and a skirt that doesn’t quite go to the knees.

Interesting, they’ve incorporated the panda hair accessories into the Trance.

For some reason, the production values here are quite nice, meaning either luck and Logic sells well in Japan or Bushiroad put a lot of their funding behind this…it’s probably a case of both.

She wants to stay with Nina, but unless she was either bored or maltreated at her home castle (which I don’t think was the case) I don’t really get Lion’s motivations…

Well, it actually was a rice ball (onigiri)! Geez, these puns…

Nina needing a logical answer is of course appropriate for a show based off Luck and Logic, LOL.

I seem to remember this Veronica lady from the original, which is funny, because I don’t remember Nina and Luck and Logic was very forgettable…

*tries to sneak away* Gratuitous boob shot? On a high schooler? Yeah, nah.

“small little town” – Small and little are the same thing though…

Trying to entice the lolicons with this ED is not good, y’know.

There really seems to be something hinted about Kagura-sensei, y’know?

I’ve termed this season “the race to the bottom”, but it was interesting to actually pull out a low ranker and give it a second chance. While I’m still not into Hina Logi as a whole and I gave it a 30 first time around, it’s probably better than that stinker Konbini Kareshi.

Hina Logi 3

*shakes head* Only in anime would someone ride a rocket like this. Only in anime.

I can’t see what Lion’s pointing to…

I am screaming profanities at my screen and shaking my head. Only in anime would a plotline like this happen. Only in anime!

I kinda understand Lion’s plight, since my dad used to go to my school to help out every now and again or have parent teacher interviews. Of course, that was when I was much younger, so…yeah. I think the staff are trying to get more younger girls involved in this by bringing in a “sexy dad”, but my tastes don’t skew that way.

Oh, now I understand Lion, but I still don’t get Mahiro, Yayoi, Karin or Karen.

Doesn’t spasibo mean “thank you” in Russian?…Yep. So Liones (country) is based on Russia, then.

Oh gosh, it’s one of those “There are two trains” questions…they bore me to death so much (and I can never solve them!) that as much as I like solving anime board questions, I’ll pass on this one.

The subber at CR decided to put their sub out of the way at the expense of being able to read the question. However, not being able to read the sub of the dialogue is a major problem! So I have absolutely no idea what the teacher was saying during the time she had that math problem up! (Also, that Foreigner question would depend on if you defeated the monster on impact or took extra time to properly defeat it.)

When there’s that screen with the four visuals on it, there’s a girl with a horned hoodie. I recognise her from the original series, but I don’t remember her name.

Here’s something on ezhiki, although there also appears to be a cookie variant.

Little kids always want their own independence, to the point where running away is one of those things most kids do, but then they come back. I don’t think I ever ran away from home, though. I was always too busy with studies and piano to run away…

I know these eyecatch-style screens are meant to be funny, but still…I never laugh at them…isn’t that sad for a show that wants to be a funny slice of life/fantasy…thing?

Last time I saw a bear in anime, it was Armed Girls Machiavellism…

Why would you ever need a bear repelling machine???

Who’s Belle?…Oh yeah, Belle is the squirrel.

Dasvidanya = goodbye. I’ve learnt more Russian because of anime than I ever would have without it (I read the entirety of Crime and Punishment thanks to that gorgeous Fyodor in Bungou Stray Dogs, y’know).

[leaveharmony]

A transcription of the english subtitles for part two of a two-part documentary about Hiroshi Tanahashi, produced by NJPW in 2014.  Part one is here.

Teaser:

Question: What if Tanahashi Jr. became a pro  wrestler?!

HT: Well, right now he plays soccer.  When I  ask him if he wants to be a pro wrestler, he  answers “No way!” When I ask why, he says,  “It looks like it hurts.”  It certainly does.

Q: What if he does become a pro wrestler?

HT: Well, then the second coming would happen  this century.  

(the little opening sequence plays; the theme  of Tana's documentary is about Tana's passion  for wrestling and his love for the fans)

Caption: 1.4 Towards Tokyo Dome

HT: I love the Tokyo Dome but I'm not  convinced yet.  To explain why, you've got  these great crowds at Korakuen Hall and  Ryogoku but so many more people come to the  Dome, right?  The crowd at the Dome get up  and go crazy for great matches that I watched  when I was a fan.  Like the 10.9 show or  Inoki's retirement match, that reaction is  what I want to draw out.  

Caption: November 20th, Gold's Gym, Shinjuku,  Tokyo.  Tanahashi continues training towards  1.4

(we're inside Gold's Gym, watching Tana go  through his workout)

HT: The target is 300.  Six days a week to  reach that goal.  I did it two years in a row  but last year I only did 291.  This year is  shot.  (he leans on a railing, sighing at the  tragedy of it all)  Even if I work hard from  now on I won't make 300.  I'll do 3-A-Days! 

Caption: How to make time

HT:  You have to manage your time wisely.   So, when I'm out doing local promoting I  always carry my workout gear and a change of  clothes with me.  And so, if I get like a 2  hour break, I ask our staff where the gym is  and just go there.  Footwork is really  important.  And then I'll appear on TV or  radio soaked in sweat. (laughs)

(more of Tana working out)

Caption: Training outstanding talent

HT: Of course, I want to be bigger.  In a  short term, I train hard to increase  flexibility.  Then I add more muscle mass.  

Caption: Ideal Body

HT: For me, it's the Dynamite Kid.  If I  could get a body like his, I want to be like  that.  That was number one.  

Q: Have you gotten close to having a body  like the Kid?

HT: Not even close.  The Kid in his prime, he  had big shoulders and huge traps, also he was  just so quick.  I don't have that kind of  body yet.  I've still got a way to go. 

Caption: A peek at his strict eating habits

(Tana buys a little bento box  at the  counter and sits down at a window seat for  lunch)

Q: Tanahashi, what's this?

HT: This is Gold Gym's chicken breast boxed  lunch.  Brown rice, boiled chicken breast and  broccoli.  It's really good.  And healthy.  

(he breaks his hashi up, briefly clasps his  hands together and says “Itadakimasu,” then  starts eating)

Q: This is your lunch?

HT: Yes

Q: You're pretty strict about your eating  habits, right?

HT: There's a difference when you're being  strict and when you're not.  You can feel it  in your body right away.  I really like  sweets, and there are times I eat at night,  but...building your body is a gradual  process.  You jusy have to keep at it.  So  you can eat something bad one day, and still  be ok.  Changes take place over time, both  good and bad.  

Caption: Meals during national tours

HT: During national tours...I don't eat much  at night.  At company dinners I eat  selectively.  Like edamame or lean sashimi.   When there's just convenience stores, then my  go-to food is canned mackerel.  I just eat  them one after another.  I can't stop.   (laughs)

Q: Is ramen completely out of the question?   Do you like ramen?  

HT: I love ramen and I want to eat some.  I  crave them!  But it's ok.  The Dome is  waiting.

Caption: Bodybuilding for 1.4

HT: I always strive to be in my best shape  for the Dome...and whatever nerves I get, I  put to use.  I have to or else.  I bundle up  all my feelings and take the to the Dome,  where I release them.

Caption: Tanahashi's 1.4 has already started.

(Tana walks out of the gym.  His gait is less  odd, so, maybe the umbrella was throwing him  off before, or the wet ground made him walk  cautiously)

Caption: to the town of Omotesand?

Caption: Enjoying a little free time

HT: I used to go shopping a lot when I was  younger, but now it's just rarely.  I love  shopping, but, it takes too long, it takes  twice as long as other people.  And they  never have my size.  (laughs)

(It's raining again - Tana is standing out in  it with his umbrella, eating a protein bar.   “Gotta get my fix,” he says)

Caption: It started raining so we headed to a  special place.

Caption: November 20th, Rela Quwa Omotesando

(Tana enters some kind of medical office, probably a physiotherapy place,  various greetings.  Inside, he's seated  filling out forms, and answering the doctor's  questions)

HT: My neck is bad.

Doctor:  Yes

HT: In my neck and waist...I can barely turn  my neck.  

(the doctor, Hiroki Mihara, makes hmmm  noises, and asks about injuries)

HT: Some fractured bones in my hand.  My  knuckles, both right and left cross  ligaments, and front and back ligaments too  (indicating his knees)

HM: I see.  Anything else?

HT: Last August, I injured my neck really  badly, but it's better.  There's something  near the base of my head that works like a  catch and must be forcibly reset each time.  

HM: Were you dropped?

HT: From really high up, it was bad.  (chuckles)

HM: Yes.  So mostly the neck?  

HT: Yeah, and my back is stiff in the  morning.  It feels like it might pop when I  get up slowly.  

(quick cut.  Absent his coat, Tana sits on  the exam table with a pained look while the  doctor examines his back)

HM (about the alignment of his back): This is straight.

HT: So it's off, to the left.

HM: Yeah

HT: I didn't realize.  

HM (checking his shoulders):  The shoulders  are off, too. 

HT: Now that you mention it.

HM (turning Tana): It goes this way.

HT: So it seems.

HM (indicating right): This side.  (he  manipulates Tana's left arm) You need to  stretch more. 

HT: My left shoulder is really bad, the right  is still ok.  

HM (checking Tana's right shoulder): Yes, so  it seems.  What about your neck?

HT: Both sides really hurt.  

HM: With your shoulders like this...your neck  is straight.

HT: Really?  (he makes a “Yeeeech” noise)

HM: It really is yes.  Do this and you can  move.  

HT: I see.

HM (indicating Tana's troublesome left  shoulder): Let's do this shoulder.  

HT: Yes please.

Caption: Toward 1.4 making the condition of  his injured body as good as possible.

(Tana is flat out on the exam table while the  doctor works on his limbs)

HM: Your muscles are great. 

HT (muffled, he's on his stomach while the  doctor works on his back): They're too soft.

HM: Piable.

Question from a NJPW staffer, until now  silent): Big difference?

HM: Yes, completely different.  Comparing top  athlete's muscles to others, even though  they're soft, they're more pliable, which  means they respond easily to loosening.  Your  muscles will loosen up right away.  If your  muscles were more rigid, you'd get much  stiffer quickly.  And your joints are much  looser than I expected.  

HT (still muffled): Many people think that  pro wrestlers aren't that flexible.  

(time passes, Tana is on his back now while  the doctor tends to his left shoulder.  When  we pan up to his face, he looks both like  he's in slight pain and like he's on a one  way magic carpet ride to Blisstown,  population: Tanahashi)

HT: Amazing, I feel it...

HM: I can move it now.

HT (indicating with his right arm): Before it  only moved to here.

HM: I'm surprised you could move it. 

HT: But it's fixed now.

HM: It's been a long time.

HT: Yes it was.  It hurt so bad.  I could  hardly move it by myself.  It even hurt just  to stretch it.  

Caption: The injured body

(Tana is on his side while the doctor works  his right shoulder hard.  He's not in  Blisstown anymore)

HT (voiceover, after the session): When you  are performing for others, you have to  possess this inner strength.  When people  come to see you perform, as a pro wrestler,  there is this desire to make them happy and  enthusiastic.  You have to perform despite  the pain. 

HM (while working on Tana's neck): There are  some pro wrestlers who continue on even while  injured.  

HT: In fact, I had to continue wrestling  after suffering whiplash.  It was in the big  tournament this summer, I went on even though  I couldn't move my neck. 

HM: I'll do your neck thoroughly.

(shots of the session continue while Tana  does another voice over.  He has a sizable  scar on his left elbow, probably from some  surgery or other)

Caption: Body care of a 38 year old

HT: When I was younger, I'd hit the gym  without any preparation.  But as I got older,  I started stretching before and after. Also,  this might sound strange, but while showering  after finishing my workout, I would say  “thank you” to my muscles as I washed my  body.  (he starts to laugh)

(the session concludes)

HM: You were in bad shape, especially on your  left side, but you'll feel better now.  

HT: I see.

HM: To be honest, your whole body was out of  line, but another (session) or two and you'll  be fine.  

HT (smiling, knowing he'll probably delay too  long the next time too): I'll come again.

(Tana takes a selfie with the doc, because of  course he does)

Caption: Suddenly, an outstanding talent  comes...

(a Very Tall Kid walks in.  One of the clinic  staff, he's 22 years old and 6'2.  Tana looks  like all his christmasses have come at once,  and immediately goes into Recruitment Mode.)

HT: New Japan is recruiting new members, so  come!  

(the kid starts to laugh)

HM: He's 6'2, definitely.

HT: He'll get bigger.  

HM: You're only 22, right?

(the kid nods, he's past speaking for a  moment but grinning incandescently at Tana.   He kinda reminds me of Okada a bit, the way  he's grinning)

The Kid: Yes.  I want to bodybuild.

HM: Start with bodybuilding.  You can always  do both, so start with that.

HT: Amazing!  6'2 is really tall for a  Japanese.

The Kid, to Tana: Do I have to be your size?

HT: You are big enough now.  

(Tana takes a selfie with The Kid, because of  course he does)

(outside again)

Caption: January 4, 2015;  Standing on the  main stage of the Tokyo Dome 5 years in a  row.

HT: I feel like New Japan Pro Wrestling...is  riding on my shoulders.  "I love you four  years in a row." is what I want to continue.   Until I'm told, it's enough.

Caption: VS Okada Kazuchika

HT: What makes Okada so great and popular  nowadays is, like me, we have this great  connection with our fans.  And Okada's motto  has always been “Keep evolving!”  Okada's  popularity is already staggering, so facing  someone like Tanahashi may not be enough for  Okada.  What can I do?  Evolve.  I will  evolve.  Okada and the fans want that.  What  can I do to make pro wrestling more exciting?   Be stronger and outrageous.  If we make pro  wrestling interesting, its popularity will  continue to grow...

Caption: 1.4 The Moment of victory

HT (hums for a second):  In kanji, “bliss” is  written with “climax” and “good fortune.”  I  wonder...for a wrestler its the peak.   Realizing your dreams of becoming a champion,  in a place like the Tokyo Dome, and saying “I love you all,” that is bliss.  To go far  beyond the confines of the Tokyo Dome, doing  what I love as a pro wrestler, I want to  continue to savor new and exciting  experiences for years to come. 

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