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project-sour-grapes · 3 months

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State of the Union

I have hit the same roadblocks repeatedly in my life for 29 years. Or 26, if we consider that the first 3 years of life are basically boilerplate.

After a childhood of being told I was special, or after my temperament demanded that I be treated as special, or some feedback loop of the two, I am accepting that I am not. I am not inherently special. At the very least, acting like I am has gotten me nowhere. I half-ass everything I do. I rest on my laurels. I wait for things to turn into emergencies before I take action. I sit and observe things, and--while there is a role for the philosopher-sitter-observer in life--this has prevented me from taking action and making things happen. Whenever I hit an obstacle, I give up. Or I think of changing course entirely. I could be sailing in the middle of the ocean and come across a log and say, "Shoot, I better turn around."

I started this blog as a goodbye to that sort of thinking. I started it as a way to catalog my journey away from that life. But I'm turning around and realizing I'm merely a foot further from shore than I was a year ago.

There's that Confucius saying about "going slow" vs "stopping" along your journey that any Tumblr veteran knows. But this trajectory is just not satisfactory. I am going so slow towards my goals that it's almost as bad as being stopped. Hell, it might be worse, because I can comfort myself with my millimeters of progress, and say, "Well, I'm moving," and then blame the microscopic magnitude of it on anything that feels comforting at the time. "That's just how the system works." Or, "I'm just being patient." Or, "Maybe this just isn't the right path for me."

And maybe this isn't the right path for me. But I'm not going to find that out by being mediocre. Or by working only one hour a day toward my goal.

I was talking to my mother a few weeks ago about why I can't finish anything I start, big or small. I told her that I wanted to leave healthcare already and that my patients were starting infuriate me. Then after the hour-long practical conversation about work-life balance and "pros and cons," which is all of the typical career advice that anybody ever gets, she just said frankly, "Whatever you're running from, once you realize it and are ready to stop running, you'll find your goal."

The things that came to mind when she said that include:

running from body dysphoria (since I'm a man born with female body parts)

running from my desire for but difficulty with building friendship and relationships

running from my gigantic ego, since I don't know what to do with it

As I'm writing this, I want to stop and change course real quick. What if what I'm running from is my huge ego? And my fear of it means it just comes out in unhealthy ways? My repeated career and relationship failures would show as much.

Old school psychology is kind of goofy, but I'm thinking of Freud's concept of sublimation, where anything that we bury just comes out in new, weird ways. And in Jungian psychology, the things we don't like about ourselves or that are the more animalistic parts of ourselves (our "shadow") will make themselves known one way or another. The most vital, carnal parts of the human psyche fester like a pressure cooker unless we let off steam in a healthy way. "What we resist persists" is a true statement even for the ego.

I can't resist my ego. I can only channel it. The human ego is a powerful force, and with that, there are only two things I can do with that energy:

use it to compress diamonds in my own life

use it to make coal to burn others

Looking at the track record of my life, I have gotten most off track after I have accidentally acquired a pile of coal and then decided to weaponize it. Perhaps this was because I felt entitled to diamonds instead, and lighting the coal was a "fuck you" to those I had held my hand out to.

I think my mother was right. I am running from something. (Maybe several things, but) The something is my ego.

I'm not going to bury it or accept being average (at least the kind where no progress is being made year-over-year) or Buddhism my way out of it. I am going to run with it.

"What is the best way to ride a horse? The direction in which it is running." -Somebody

There are a few analogies for embracing the ego that I want to mull over the next few weeks. The ego is:

like fire in that it can keep you warm and aid in survival or it can burn your house down

like nuclear power in that it is the most efficient form of energy known to man or it can poison entire cities if handled poorly

like a German Shepherd or Belgian Malinois; it can either sniff out the bombs and incapacitate the bad guys or it can rip up your entire living room and shit the bed

It's not the ego that is the problem. It's what you do with it. It's where you point it and why.

Anything powerful can be both protective and harmful. Who are you serving with your ego: yourself or your community? Ideally, it would be a mix of both. My problem has been lopsidedness and then victimhood and self-righteous indignation when nobody even asked for my lopsideness to start.

With all of that being said, a few things are true:

I am not special and the world owes me nothing.

I have a huge ego, and if I work for what I want, I will fucking get it or something even better

It's the tension between these statement that gives rise to human motivation (past the lizard brain motivations like food, water, etc.). It's like in Ernest Becker's "Denial of Death," where he says mankind's greatest achievements are pitiful attempts to live forever. Or F. Scott Fitzgerald's belief that we should be able to "hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless yet be determined to make them otherwise." We are both statistically not special in a world of 8 billion people and such an expansive universe, and yet having an ego is the most human thing ever.

And that's the universe: just paradoxes and the tension between them, and mankind's convenient spot at the center. Everything in the universe is in flux. Nothing in the body or in nature is static. It's all trajectories and voltages and potentials in the Physics sense.

Thus I will both accept that I'm not special and that my ego is gigantic, and that's aight.

How do I channel the powerful force of the ego in a healthy way then, like those superhero movies montage where the hero starts using their powers and sucks at first and breaks everything in their kitchen but then masters them? Honestly, fuck if I know. I have shit to do the rest of tonight, and I'm going to have to think on this one.

Will come back with more ideas, but the goal is not to squash the ego, but to channel it for good. Don't put out the fire, just learn how to use it like any other tool.

That's it for now.

Other quotes that are on my mind today:

Life is a numbers game.

The grass is green where you water it.

Have a good one.

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mirceakitsune · 1 year

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I do NOT justify what I think, feel, or create to anyone

I want to make something clear in very direct words for today's cult of a society: I do NOT justify myself for what I think what I feel or what I create, especially not under pressure or under threat. I need no thought passport from and for anyone: I owe no information or explanation to any individual or platform or government, especially because some twisted minds think certain content has special meaning associated with remote harms in their paranoid minds. I can draw or render whatever perfectly normal or completely crazy thing I want if I feel like it, I can freely share what I think feel or make with whoever I want, I can be whoever I want and was born being… you own nobody and the rights to their mind, period.

I have no obligation to trust anybody I don't feel like trusting… particularly not anyone who's looking to take away my rights and freedom, especially corrupt oligarchs now playing the role of popes while hailed as saviors by the very people they're ripping off. I don't need to know or care how your mental triggers work: I don't have nor comprehend them, I can see an image of the most horrible stuff and just scroll past it. I respect that some don't work this way and are more affected by what they put their eyes on, until the moment their sensitivity threatens my right to exist as a being with individual thoughts and creative freedom: If one's "empathy" and diseased complex thinking spiral to the point of going crazed tyrant, it's time for some spirits to be crushed and desensitized in tears, because the rest of us aren't going to live in a hell of angry authoritarian children harassing us everywhere we go because some have too many feelings and can't keep it to themselves! At that point fuck feelings, you're gonna be made into a man sonny: Here's your ticket to Ukraine for treatment soldier, go shove your nose up a few dead bodies scattered on the streets till your empathic condition has been cured.

I'm sickened by the way complete strangers, including the owners of large services or politicians to the comedy of it all, address me as if they're my parents / brothers / children and entitled to my trust whereas I'm obliged to understand their culture. I'm sorry but what hole in the ground did those people crawl from and who the fuck are you? I don't even know you nor need to, at this point I actively don't want to nor want anything to do with your demented world! You think just because I exist I need to be in line with your choir and part of some fashion, be it far-left or far-right or any other woke trash I need to pick from the official lists of ideologies? I feel and believe only what I personally experienced, which was rather isolated from society and other people thank goodness for that! if you think using every direct or indirect method imaginable to endlessly harass and control and interrogate me is going to change that, you're upping what you see here every single time.

My only obligation in this shit world is to not practically and realistically harm others: No going out on the streets mugging or pick-pocketing folks to steal their belongings, no kidnapping punching stabbing shooting poisoning or creepily touching people, and as far as the internet goes no hacking of accounts or making bomb threats… the list goes on for similar common sense stuff. Those clearly justified things are the only actual obligations me and everyone else have: Beyond this we have zero! I'm not obliged to understand anyone's culture and whatever struggle for the "common good" (WTF) they feel I need to be involved in… in turn you aren't obliged to understand me, in fact I actively want people to not truly understand me as any info they have can be used against me by the enemy.

This is an issue of concept and principle, something I know few people these days have instead of wrongly thinking they do: I will be up in arms over it even if it's things I'm not into or downright dislike. Stuff like toddler / very young cub porn is in fact on that list, not to mention death or gore which fuck that shit: It's really not my thing if I'm being completely honest… yet I will defend it too to the death, because just as they can judge and attack those that like it so can their judgmental mind turn against me if the random paranoia already in their brain ever gets rewired, and I'm not gonna play around with monkey brains to find out how this shit works just so I can briefly imagine "maybe I won't be next on the list".

Thing is that the more people try to stop me or interrogate me over things I normally wouldn't even think about if I didn't hear them from others, the more it makes me want to create those things just to spite them. I'm starting to feel that if I don't make my art offensive toward whatever is in fashion today I'm wasting the effort, this doctrine shit actually pushed me into feeling like that. Which sucks because I wish I could at least just focus on what I truly like doing… but hey, if even thoughts are a weapon in some medieval ideological war to you, may as well mix them up and play along a bit!

To sum it up: If I feel like it I can draw swastika dick monsters wearing a "black face" yelling the holocaust never happened while fucking 7 babies and their parents at once: Don't look if you don't like it, none of your or the world's business ootherwise. Capiche?! Of course I likely won't draw that in particular as it's seriously not my thing, plus I don't want the simpletons thinking it must be something I truly believe if I made a drawing about it… that's just to say it is my right to create whatever insanity I'd want free of your hateful judgment.

Was going to talk about the shithole Patreon and more have been turning into, but I ended up writing this instead so best left for another time if still necessary. Just yeah; I've more than reached the end of my rope with whatever alien society is out there beyond my bedroom window… if there's no way we can let each other exist any longer, best I don't speculate.

#rant

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imthebadguyyy · 3 years

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maybe something like interviewer asking her sexist questions and the boys stand up for her , after that interview she feels insecure and the boys comfort her . that's just an idea you don't have to write it !! <33

I hope you like it, and I'm so sorry about the delay 😭 I couldn't find my footing with this one, and I hope it's what you wanted ! Have a lovely day 💙

The One Where They're There For Her

Pairing - One Direction x Reader (6thmember!female!reader)

Fandom - One Direction (Directioners)

Summary - A particularly sexist interview decides to reduce you to just a sexual being and makes no effort to hide his misogyny. But the boys are there to support you.

Warnings - sexualization of the lgbt community, sexist comments, swearing, (honestly I hated myself for writing some of the comments here,and I'm so sorry)

Being a part of the biggest band in the world comes with certain responsibilities. Not responsibilities that come along with signing a recording contract, but those that a person deems themselves responsible for. For example, as the only female in a boyband, a female with a fanbase as large as yours, you took it upon yourself to always stand up for what's right, and to be an ally for the causes close to your heart.

That meant that your social media was often flooded with information about important causes, or your opinions on issues like feminism. Was it always well received? Heck no. There were people filled your feed with hate and comments calling you the most horrible names and labelling you a 'man hater' and a 'bitch' But you didn't let it get to you. On most days. On days like today, it was all you could do to keep it together. It had been a tiring few days, touring, recording, performing and doing an endless amount of interviews and photoshoots. It was safe to say you were on the last of your nerves, having battled your way through a makeup artist who had insisted on pointing out your flaws and had used a shit ton of makeup to cover them up. You had battled a photographer who had not hesitated to tell you that if you didn't look more feminine people would think you were turning into a man.

Before you could retaliate, Paul had dragged him away and told management to cancel the photoshoot, and find another photographer before grabbing the six of you some sandwiches and had let you all go back for a quick power nap at the hotel. Then in about half an hour he had woken you up, to get you ready for another interview. That's how you were here, in a white jumpsuit and a black blazer jacket, paired with black heels. Another day, another interviewer that got on your nerves. But this one, this one was different. This interviewer was different, but also the same. Another misogynistic man who thought he was entitled to stare at your ass and cleavage, and eye fuck you as you settled into a seat in between Niall and Zayn.

Settling in, you crossed one knee over the other, plastering a fake smile onto your face, as the man leaned back in his chair, throwing you a sleazy smirk. Noticing the look, Zayn shifted so you were out of view of the interviewer, but in view of the audience. It was in moments like this that you were a 100× more grateful to have your boys. They were well aware of how sleazy some interviewers could be, having had plenty of experience with them, and Zayn and Louis in particular were very protective about the way you were treated. Squeezing your thigh softly, he leaned back a little, lips settling into a thin line as he looked at the interviewer with a cold look. A little behind, Louis threw the interviewer a dirty look.

"So, One Direction! Congratulations on the album, as you all know its out on November the 22nd, with eighteen new songs, including the singles Night Changes and Steal My Girl Speaking of stealing girls, do you think I could steal your number Y/N? And may I mention, you look ver, very hot in that outfit" The interviewer joked, throwing you what he thought was a sexy smirk. (P.S - it wasn't) Answering with an awkward laugh, you shook your head, as Niall tensed up beside you. "Aww come on, your'e a pretty girl, I'm a handsome guy, let's go out sometime" he pressed on, ignoring the growing anger in Harry's eyes. "That's umm, nice. But no thanks, I'm not going to go out with you" was your answer, as you pushed a strand of hair behind your ear. Picking up on your nervous tic, Zayn moved his hand to rest on your knee, stopping it from bouncing up and down.

"Aww come on baby, what is it? You like girls or something? Because I wouldn't mind being a part of that action either" the sleazebag chuckled, ignoring the disgusted look Liam sent his way. "That's rude" Liam said, while Zayn tightened his grip on your knee. "Oh come on lads, are you telling me the idea doesn't appeal to you? Two women together, mm, makes me all excited just thinking about it, especially if one of them's Y/N" That comment was all it took for Louis to stand up, turning to the man and saying in a voice much rougher than his usual voice, "Alright, that's fuckin' enough, what the fuck is actually wrong with you?" he was backed up by Liam, who stood up, going to tower over the interviewer, whose eyes had lost some of the sleazy look in them. "All you've done since we walked in here is make those disgusting comments about Y/N, and it's sickening. Have some fucking respect" he practically spat.

Behind him, Zayn took your hand in his and pulled you to your feet, noticing the slight glossiness in them, leading you back to the dressing rooms, while Niall, Liam, Louis and Harry stayed back to continue to snap at the interviewer. "That is no way to treat a woman, and not only are you disrespecting her, you also made those god awful events about seeing women together. Your'e a shame to every single person in this room by talking like that" Harry continued, glancing over his shoulder to check if you were okay.

"And no, it doesn't excite us, because we are not assholes, and you are, a disgusting sleaze who does not deserve the job he has. Fuckin loser" Niall chimed in, standing up and storming out. Louis stood up as well, turning to directly face the cameras and the cameramen and sound technicians, who had all looked shocked when the man had made his comments towards you. "I sure as hell hope you have that on record, so you can see just how fucking sexist this industry is to women. Y/N does the same job as us, works just as hard and has the same number of awards, nominations, and records and yet you decide to only focus on her body, clothes, love life and sexuality. Get a fucking life" he spat at the camera, before walking away himself, eventually followed by Harry and Liam, who apologized to the outraged fans before leaving themselves. As they made their way to the dressing rooms they could hear the audience telling the interviewer to apologize to you, their anger at the way you were treated echoing through the building.

Walking in, Harry caught sigh of you curled up in one of the armchairs, with Louis sitting beside you, while Niall and Zayn talked to a furious Paul. "He had no damn right to treat her like shite, and you need to make sure that he knows those comments were un-fuckin-acceptable" Niall was saying, looking angrier than Harry had ever seen him. "And to make those sickening comments about wanting to get action? Can't we sue him for something?" Was Zayn's reply, glancing over his shoulder at you to make sure you were still okay. "We can't sue him, atleast I don't think we can, but I'll have someone let the smug bastard know that he needs to learn how to respect a woman" Paul said, before leaving the room to give the six of you some time together before you had to head back to the hotel.

"How're you feeling darling?" Louis said, moving over and patting your knee so you moved. "I'm okay" you mumbled back, letting Louis settle in next to you, leaning back to rest on his chest. "He had no fuckin right to say any of that, and don't you let it trouble you for a second" Zayn added, pouring out a cup of tea for you and for Louis and Harry. "I don't care about what he said, I couldn't care less, but it was just so frustrating, sitting there and listening to him just sexualize a whole community of people. You've got to be in a really sad place to think of shit like that. That's what annoyed me. You think I give a damn about what he said about my clothes or wanting to take me out on a date? It was the way he was talking, like he was sure any woman would be glad to have him that irked me. He's really tiresome" was your reply, as you reached forward for a sip of your tea. "That's the right attitude love. Haters gonna hate" Harry said.

"I know that. But I just wish I could punch him once, which sounds mean, but he does kind of deserve it" Niall said, earning a laugh from you. Niall was never usually aggressive, and even now, he wasn't particularly rude but it was rare to see him wanting to punch someone. "It's okay Niall, you don't have to. I can do it myself, but I won't" you replied, leaning up to squeeze his hand. "Besides, Ni, if you went and punched him, I'd do it too, and then we'd all go to jail" Liam chimed in, scrolling through his twitter. "Twitter isn't happy either babe. #stopsexualization and #Y/Ndeservesbetter is trending already" he added, showing you his phone. "If it means some of these sexist asses get their heads out of the sand, I'm happy. But I dont want to to think about it now" you replied, cuddling closer to the warmth radiating from Louis's body.

"Okay, we won't talk about it. Do you want to go back to the hotel?" Harry asked, standing up and walking to the door "No I want to go to Nando's. Anybody else hungry?" You asked, to nods of assent from the boys. "I'm starving. Those stupid sandwiches didn't fill me up at all" Zayn said, standing up to grab his coat and wallet. "I know and I'm craving some hot Peri Peri chicken with some fries. Do you think they'd let me put the lemon and herb sauce on the fries?" You asked, standing up yourself, earning a laugh from Louis. "Your'e an international superstar babe, I think they'd give you some lemon herb sauce" Liam joked.

Laughing, the six of you made your way to the car, with Harry and Niall squishing you in between them, as Louis sat in the back with Liam, and Zayn sat in the front with Paul (he was driving thank GOD) "I'm proud of you darling" Harry chimed in suddenly. "I am too" Niall added. "You know I am" Louis said, before Liam added "Always babe" and Zayn turned to smile at you before adding, "We are all proud of you, and we always will be, not only because you do a damn good job of not listening to the haters, but because you do what you think is right" "Awh come on, your'e gonna make me cry" you mumbled, leaning into Niall's shoulder. "Almost makes me feel bad for teasing you about having an extremely low spice tolerance the last time we were at Nando's Haz" you smirked, earning a roar of laughter from the boys.

"That chicken was spicy love!" "It was lemon and herb with no peri peri!" "And it was spicy!"

And just like that, you were back to messing around with each other. Sleazy interviewers would come and go, but your boys were always there to support you. Always.

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A/N - Thanks for reading ! I'd also like to apologize on the behalf of this fictitious interviewer I made up, I felt so bad while writing some of this 😭 anyways, I hope this is what you wanted! Enjoy !

Tags - @zaynkissbot @gucci-hazza @bxtchboy69

#one direction x reader #one direction x sixth member #one direction imagines #one direction fanfiction #one direction #harry styles x reader #liam payne x reader #louis tomlinson x reader #niall horan x reader #zayn malik x reader #imthebadguyyytags #harry styles #niall horan #liam payne #louis tomlinson #zayn malik

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nightswithkookmin · 3 years

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A quick lesson on ships

Because why not??😌

No but seriously, bare with me, I'm trying to answer your questions. Sit if you have to. Hehe

Uban Dictionary defines shipping as this:

A term used to describe fan fictions that take previously created characters and put them as a pair. It usually refers to romantic relationships, but it can refer platonic [sic] ones as well. (Just think of “shipping” as short for “relationSHIP”.) 9 Apr 2015

Ships can be platonic or romantic or both.

There's fictional ships and non fictional ships too. You ship two people you want to be in a relationship or who already are in a relationship or who you suspect to be in a relationship- perhaps due to queer baiting, ship baiting, romance baiting etc.

In the shipping fandom, there are two sects of people. Those who are Proships those who are Antiships- antis are ironically considered part of the shipping community because for some reason they are always in shippers business💀

Antishippers are those who oppose a particular ship or shipping in general (more on that later.)

Proshippers are well- Pro ships.

Pro-Ship

A term mostly used in fandoms, but can stretch outside of this to include original characters. The core belief is that shipping two fictional characters, no matter if they are family, share ages gaps, considered to be unhealthy, or show blatant signs of being abusive or other generally unsavory behaviours, are valid in a fictional setting.

Pro-Shippers or "anti-antis" are also known as "rainbow meaties" and will use 🌈 + 🍖 emojis together often in their bio on twitter or other social media platforms- usually within fictional settings.

These shippers reinforce the idea fiction is separate from reality and shouldn't be confused with the other.

‘Anti’ is short for ‘anti-shipper’ or ‘anti-[ship]’.

Kindly read through this thread to get the gist of it.

III

Shipping non-fictional individuals is a subset of Proshipping, in my opinion, known also as alternative shipping- as far as my knowledge on it goes.

As with fictional shipping, alt ships have their antis too. People who disagree with shipping real couples in a romantic way for whatever arbitrary moral reasons they have and who feel entitled to go out of their way to correct, stop, police and punish such shippers.

Then there are those who although may be pro real people shipping think they have the right to tell others how they should ship and to what extent they can ship.

Others too prefer to ship real people platonically because they view romantic shipping of real people as problematic.

So to answer your question on Anon's post- there is no such thing as a Proshipper who is also Anti shipping. Thats oxymoronic. Perhaps they might be platonic shippers who are anti romantic ships but not necessarily romantic shippers themselves.

I don't think there's anything wrong with preferring to ship platonically. It is when they assume by virtue of their false sense of moderacy that they are better than others that shit starts to get funny.

Those shippers are delusionally confused beings with a supremacist imperialist complex rooted in ignorance and absurdities.

I usually walk by those quietly. keep it pushing. Gotta mind my business somehow even though most times I just want to pull their hair and bite them and shit😭

I try to keep it classy.

Lord knows I try.

You are either pro ship or anti ship. There's no in between. Those shippers who are shippers but claim they are not are nothing but fraudulent, fake us, simps trying to bamboozle their way through life- pardon my Swahili.

There are a lot of anti shippers moonlighting as shippers in this fandom. It's fascinating.

Personally I think those people are either confused or their desires to appeal to other Anti shippers must have morphed their brains into ass dick hybrids.

Anti shippers in general are notorious gatekeepers, gaslighters, bigots, high key sanctimonious and often have a cis white westernized sense of morality and ethics through which they fliter others and expect everyone and everything to conform to.

They impose their values on others, their ethics on others, resort to manipulation, policing, intimidation and bullying to impose their will etc.

Within shipping, there are those who are Proshipping yet anti certain ships. Most Tuktukkers are anti Jikook. And assume anyone who isn't a tuktukker is equally anti Tae Kook and so go ahead and exhibit anti behaviours towards them.

Think of such groups of shippers as Proshippers with a preference for particular ships if you will.

There are Pro shippers who also feel some kind of way about Shipping real life people or alt shipping.

Here's further resource to help you understand what proshipping is

If you are intolerant with other shippers choice of ships or style of shipping and you traumatize them for it that's Anti shipping. Especially if you feel entitled and justified to traumatize others because you take a higher moral status over them.

You can be proship and not like how certain people, how they go about

Simply walk away, click off, mind your business. You are not the only adult in these streets and leave people to do what interests them.

I think for as long as I can remember, I've always been a proshipper and I ship both platonically and romantically, fictionally and alternatively💀

Some themes in fiction are a hard limit for me such as the R word, pedophilia, incest, child abuse- I just can never find the entertainment in those topics and will struggle through such themes.

But others believe it's just FICTION and those fictional characters aren't really dealing with the imaginary struggles we read about.

Yall do you sis.

I don't really know why people make a big deal of it or try to demonize the concept of shipping as if it were something strange or mysterious- just keep your moral values to yourself. I am not your mother's daughter. we were not raised in the same households.

Then again I think it all depends on the different cultures and social backgrounds we all come from and how entitled, supremacist or imperialist they are.

For Yoonmin, I shipped them romantically but didn't think they were a real couple at all. I just romanticized their interactions and found humor in it. At the back of my head I was expecting them each to one day find husbands or wives and go their merry ways and even harbored the thought they each could very much be in serious romantic relationships with others.

In similar ways, I shipped Minimoni and Vmin.

You can ship a pair romantically and not think at all that they are actually REAL.

A lot of jokers ship Jikook romantically and don't assume they are real. Just as a lot of people shipped say Elena and Stefan romantically even though Paul was married.

Some shipped Elena and Damon too due to their unscreen chemistry and even felt they could be a thing- that was before later it was revealed they had started dating in real life. Even that I was holding on to my Bonnie x Damon fantasies because Bonnie was my bias and I shipped her with everyone romantically- of course I didn't expect any of those ships to manifest into something because it was the character I was shipping not Kat herself. To this day I still love her onscreen chemistry and friendship with Damon and don't see how people could wish for it to be more than that😭

It was beautiful as is. Not everything should climax into sexual intercourse.

But if I felt at some point any of her ships had crossed into alternative ships I would have jumped on those and supported it whole heartedly.

If you assume a pair are a real couple and dating in real life that's alt shipping- a lot of alt shippers suspect a ship is real and that's why they ship them.

There is no such thing as platonic alt shipping.

And for me personally, because I believe Jikook are a real couple and have made that cross over I don't ship any of that pair romantically with other members anymore.

It's bizzare to me to ship someone I know has a partner romantically with anybody else- I make exceptions for Vmin of course💀

I know JK is side eyeing me but I don't care.

I want Tae to be happy too😭😭😭

Tae just wants his bestfriend and soulmate😭

It's too much😭😭😭😭😭😭

He stays shooting his shots🤣

Jimin Harem is real🤭

I must admit, I catch myself slipping on Vmin and Minimoni every now and then- old habits die hard and they don't make it easy 😫

But that don't mean I think Vmin is dating. THAT WOULD BE WILD.

Summary

Proshippers can be Platonic or Romantic shippers and you can ship a pair romantically and not assume they are real at all.

Anti shippers are just assholes trying to beat their values down people's throats.

Alt shippers don't ship their OTP with other players romantically.

I don't know what you mean by Jinkooker...

Do you ship Jinkook romantically or think they are real?? Sis...

Maybe you just ship them platonically or casually.

I ship all the ships platonically.

Especially all Jimin"s Tae's ships. I'd let my self flirt with the idea of romance every now and then.

JK's ships don't make sense to me as ships.

As nonplatonic ships I mean.

I'm fascinated each time I see a hardcore JK x any member ship besides Jikook swearing up and down JK is screwing Namjoon🤣🤣

I hope this helps??

GOLDY

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teaboot · 4 years

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Not to be that person but if someone doesn't want to date anyone, for whatever reason, they don't have to, you're not discriminating against anyone because they happen to not be part of your dating pool as far as you respect their rights and identities

Bluuuuuuuuh okay so this may or may not be a longass post depending on how coherently I can translate the concept in my brain into English words, so apologies in advance.

Okay, so if a dude comes up to me and asks me out, I can say 'no thank you'. That's a thing I am 100% within my rights to do. It doesn't matter if I'm attracted to him or if I'm not attracted to him or if I think he smells bad and it turns me off, it's not important. I am allowed to say no to the king of France, I can say no to Joe Shmoe at the liquor store.

A step further is HOW I say no. Do I say, "no thank-you", or do I say, "ew, no, your face is gross"? One of these answers is polite and concise; the other, no matter how true to me, is something they're going to have to live with.

For the rest of their life, every romantic interest they pursue, they're going think of that person who told them they were too ugly, and they're going to be ashamed or insecure or embarrassed. Maybe they'll shrug it off eventually, but maybe they won't. Either way, is that the impression of yourself you want to leave on people?

Now the fun question: what if he's a trans guy?

Once again, you can say no. For any reason at all, you can say no. Maybe you aren't attracted to him, maybe he has bad breath, maybe you're new to the concept of gender identity and your fear of somehow fucking up and hurting him is getting in the way right now. For any of these reasons you can say no! But you DON'T GET TO MAKE IT THEIR PROBLEM.

Saying no-thanks to a trans woman because you aren't attracted to her? Totally fine.

Telling her "NO, I DON'T LIKE DICK"- that's real sweet. That's something she has to walk away with, now- every time she meets someone she likes and wants to get to know, that person's first thought is going to be about her genitals. She'll never be good enough for anyone because all anyone cares about is her junk.

You're not interested in a trans person? Cool, you don't have to be.

You're not interested in a trans person because you haven't made peace with the reality of trans identities? Obviously not great, but sure, take the time to figure things out.

You've never been interested in someone you knew to be trans, and announce "I NEVER WANT TO DATE A TRANS PERSON"? That's a different statement. That's saying, "There is one defining characteristic that makes all trans people the same, and it's something I find repulsive!" And- Surprise!- THAT is Transphobic. Which is, at it's barest bones- say it with me now- MAKING IT SOMEONE ELSE'S PROBLEM.

And imagine, if you will, dating a lady for a few weeks. She's clever, funny, beautiful, kind- you're head over heels for her, until the very first time you have sex, and you see her vagina. And you think to yourself, "that's an ugly vagina", and break up with her.

If that was a deal breaker for you? Who gives a shit. Some would say it's a bit shallow, but so.long as things break off amicably, life will move on without anybody getting hurt.

Same situation, but you tell her "I can't be with someone who has an ugly vagina!"... Jesus fucking Christ, my guy. What the Fuck. Why the fuck would you tell her that? What on earth made you think your personal aesthetic preferences were more important than her sense of self worth? You entitled jackass. Who died and made you Empirical Minister Of Visually Pleasing Hoo-Has? Why would you SAY that to someone??

Same situation, but she's trans. "This isn't working out for me"? Sure. "I don't know anything about this subject, I don't want to move forwards until I know more"? Hard, but not cruel. "Bye honey, shlongs gross me out"??? WHAT KIND DICKBAG ARE YOU????

And that's kind of what gets me on "Can I say I'm not attracted to genderfluid people?". Because, like... I'd never tell a lesbian, "oh, you aren't attracted to men? Have you met every man on the planet? Sure, sweetie" because, like... Cis men are men all the time. You're attracted to women, whatever. Cool.

But someone who DOES experience attraction to men tells me, "Oh, I'd never DATE one!"- Then I'm sketched out. Because, like.... Why? What do you think all men have in common? You didn't say you weren't attracted to them, just that you'd never date one.

"Oh, I could NEVER date a trans man!"... Why...? The only thing I can conclude is that you're boiling down everything they are to a set of genitals, at which point, fuck, they're probably happier without you.

And by the way, how often do you hear, "UGH, I could NEVER date a CIS woman"? Think about that one for a sec. How does that one feel to a cis lady? Probably pretty shitty. Imagine hearing that from someone you have a crush on. Do you feel outraged? Embarrassed? Maybe you feel disgusting, like someone you admire is repulsed by your body.

Fucking *Ouch,* huh?

SO. Easy rules for not being a dick:

1. If you want to turn someone down, you can, no matter what your reasons are. BUT YOU DO BOT HAVE TO SHARE THOSE REASONS.

2. Their hang-ups are not your responsibility, but YOURS AREN'T THEIRS, EITHER. DO NOT tell someone you can't date them because they look like your mom, just say no and move on! DO NOT tell someone you don't want to have sex because you think their feet are gross, just say no! DO NOT bring up someone's voice or hair or eyes or genitalia, JUST SAY NO! TELLING SOMEONE YOU LIKE THEM IS HARD. BE POLITE, MOTHER FUCKERS.

3. Maybe you're already dating someone you like, and you discover new information that you weren't expecting. Maybe they're trans, maybe they had a hysterectomy, maybe they have a tattoo or a kid or a criminal record, maybe they wear a wig or have a disability or have a rubber duck fetish. Whatever it is, it's an emotional topic and you need space to process. Good! Think things out! If that ends it for you, okay, but none of these things makes someone a bad person or an ugly person or unworthy of love! Don't make them feel that way. Again, your hangups are on you, not them.

4. The next time you go to say something like, "I'd never date a trans guy", or, "I'd never date a black girl", or, "I'd never date a disabled person"- Stop, and think about why you feel that way. What is it about this group of people that you don't like? Is it a real reason, or a stereotype? Is it an aesthetic reason, and if so, don't try to dismiss is as "that's just how I feel". There's a reason. Keep digging for that reason, and once you find it, figure out if it's a belief you want to hold onto. Always ask yourself "why?". Never let yourself fall into the belief that any group is worthy of wholesale dismissal.

5. Breathe. Stay calm. You're not a bad person. Society has programmed us with a lot of biases- it's not your fault you have them, but it isn't a free pass to remain ignorant and hurt others. Be gentle with yourself, but be willing to reflect on your feelings and behaviors and rein in the ones that are harmful. No matter your feelings, at least be kind. We're all trying our best, and we all just want to be loved. Keep that in mind.

Anyhow, that's just my two cents. I hope this wasn't too winding or rambly, I'm still working out my thoughts on the matter myself. Being genderfluid doesn't make me an expert on trans issues, and I certainly don't have the experience to speak further.

If there are any corrections to be made, please let me know. Always learning!

Please take care.

#Long post

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blowjob-horseguy · 4 years

Text

You know what, I'm tired, I've been watching alot of sitcoms, and recently I've been mulling over my problems with dating (in highschool/middle school). So all you a-spec kids listen up!!!

Dating is NOT Mandatory!!

It is NOT a required part of growing up! It is NOT something you need to do to be a "Real Teenager"! And you are NOT missing out on life for not taking part in it.

Dating and Sex are NOT Synonymous

If the planets have aligned and you are feeling the mythical and elusive Romantic Attraction, you can date that person (or people, idk, you do you) without sex being involved. At. All. You can communicate to the person you're with that you have hard boundaries for that kind of thing. I know it seems like Communication and Boundaries are for 'The Adults', but you deserve to feel safe in your relationship NO MATTER YOUR AGE.

Sex and Intercourse are NOT Synonymous

I know this probably goes against everything everyone has ever taught you, but Intercourse (putting the stick in the hole, per say) is not the end all be all for sex. If you want sex to be apart of your relationship, for whatever reason, A) remember to use safe sex practices (I'll link resources on how to do that below). B) it doesn't EVER have to include penatrative sex if your not comfortable with that. Sex is supposed to be something FUN that you and your partner(s) do together, something that feels GOOD, and If you are feeling uncomfortable, unsafe, in pain, or Triggered. Thats. Not. Good. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE BOUNDERIES! YOU DESERVE TO FEEL SAFE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP!

There is NO Special Secret

This one is a little harder to explain. If your like me and have always felt like dating was some kind of Secret Language that all your peers knew, and you missed the lesson on how to 'normal', that isn't true. Romance and attraction look different for everybody; how we express it, how we experience it, and to what frequency we experience it. Everybody is just trying to figure it out, even if it seems like they're an expert. Just because they move a bit faster than you, doesn't make what they feel any less real. (This is a lesson I need to remind myself of Frequently). Alloromantic/allosexual romance (especially in the teen and tween years) tends to move faster (starts faster and sometimes ends faster), but that doesn't make it any less or any more real or valuable then the love you feel. If you don't feel any romantic attraction at all, you are in no way obligated to fake it for someone else's benefit. If you rarely feel attraction, and you feel like you're somehow behind your peers, or you feel like you move too slow for them; you are under no obligation to try to speed up, or rush into something you're not ready for, or even break your own heart because you feel like you need to stay out of it completely. Just because they work a little differently doesn't make your feelings any less important than your peers'.

Now for the Warning

There are going to be people who don't understand why you don't date. They're going to think it's sad that you're single, They're going to think you're lying when you say you're fine, and- in my experience- They're not going to just leave it the fuck alone. You don't have to explain your entire history with romance and/or sexuality to these people. It's perfectly fine to say something like "I'm trying to really focus on school right now and I don't have time for a relationship" or "my parents won't allow me to date" or even something closer to the truth "I'm really just not interested in anybody" (though this one may get you set up with their friends, or friends of friends). If you find someone who you can say "I'm aro and/or ace" or "I'm demi" or just "I don't experience attraction the same way you do" GO AHEAD!! Thats great!! If you are in the position to be out and proud, I'm happy for you. If you want to educate people, educate people!! Just know it isn't a requirement, and you don't have to educate everybody.

You deserve people in your life that respect your boundaries. You are entitled to your boundaries. You deserve to be and feel safe. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be YOU

Now for the Sex Ed I promised-

Here is a link to a Scarlateen on how to use condoms-

Scarlateen in general is a great resource, and very inclusive, here is a link to their sexual health page-

Also the YouTuber Ash Hardel has a series called 'The ABC's of LGBT' that includes videos about a-spec identities and how sex and relationships can work for some a-spec people. Here's a link to that playlist-

#lgbtq community #lgbtq🌈#asexual #aromantic #a-spec pride #a-spec #asexual pride #aromantic pride #demiromantic #demisexual #lgbtq youth #lgbtq advice #i think this post might be a little heavy on the demiromantic focus #it's just such a personal thing for me #ever since inwas little it felt like everybody around me just magically understood dating #their feelings seemed to jump around so fast i couldn't understand it #i got a little contemptuous. it was something that I've wanted for a while now #but still feel excluded from #and it's been kinda hard to unlearn my contemptuous attitudes

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tiffanytheswiftie · 4 years

Text

So every year on my birthday I kind of like to recap my year, and since I'm turning 29, I decided to model this year's after the Elle article Taylor Swift did at 29 entitled "30 Things I Learned Before Turning 30."

@taylorswift @taylornation

1. It's okay if people don't get my interests.

Over the years, I sometimes tried to hide my interests because I was worried people would think they were weird or wouldn’t understand them. It always seemed like a lot of my interests fell out of the “ordinary” interests of those around me. But I’ve learned that’s okay, and it’s okay if people don’t get it. If I enjoy it, that’s all that matters. Like the song says, if it makes me happy, it can’t be that bad.

2. I can love my body while also wanting to make it healthier/look better.

I have struggled with body image and my weight for the majority of my life, and I have always believed the biggest struggle was the mental aspect of it all. I thought I could only appreciate my body once it got to how I wanted it to look (which, it never has). I hated it. However, I realize now that the best way to improve it, is to love it, and appreciate it for what it does for me already.

3. It's not malicious to cut out toxic people.

Cutting out toxic people is hard, but necessary. I’m not calling someone up and saying, “I’m never talking to you again,” or completely ghosting them, however I no longer involve them in most aspects of my life. It’s freeing and better for my mental health.

4. Traveling is so important.

It’s no secret that I love traveling. I want to visit every continent (minus Antarctica), experience different cultures, see history, and experience new things. It’s important to open up my mind and broaden my horizons, and something I recommend everyone to do. It’s good to meet people from all over the world who live different lives and come from different lifestyles and philosophies. Plus, traveling is just so fun! Like Donna says in Mamma Mia 2, “life is short, and the world is wide, I want to make some memories.”

5. My path can and will change often.

When I first started trying to decide on a major for college, I seriously thought about at least 12 different career paths. And what I chose wasn’t even included in those at the time. Point is, my path will change often. My dreams will change often. And that’s okay! It doesn’t mean I failed, it just means my path has shifted onto something different. My initial dream may have just been setting me up to go down a certain path.

6. My life isn't on a timeline.

Honestly this is probably the hardest lesson I had to learn. Everyone, myself included, seems to put life on a timeline. I thought by a certain age I had to have a degree, I had to be married, I had to have kids, I had to have traveled to a certain amount of places, etc. and if I didn’t then it just wouldn’t happen. I hear people talk about other people and where they are in life. But no one’s life is on a timeline, and everyone’s big moments will happen differently. The only time it’s ever really “too late” is when I’m dead. And I’m not dead. I’m very much alive.

7. I need to be able to look forward to things.

Sometimes life can seem monotonous. Every day looks the same, and it can really wear me down. I always try to make sure I have something to look forward to. It could be something big, like a trip or Christmas, or something small, like watching a new movie. Either way, I keep a countdown app in my phone, and I look at it on days I feel like my life is doing nothing. I always make sure there’s something I can look forward to.

8. It's possible to be both brave and terrified.

My mantra in life has always been “Fearless.” I got it from a Taylor Swift quote when I was about 17 years old that says, “Fearless is not the absence of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. Fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. Fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death.” While I’ve always loved that quote and have used that word to overcome fears, it took me awhile to actually be able to fully embrace the idea of being fearless.

9. Water is good for the soul.

Drink water. It’s not only good for the soul, it’s good for staying alive. Hydrate before you die-drate. There’s nothing more satisfying then getting a big gulp of cool water.

10. I shouldn't care what people think of me.

This is something we’re preached our entire lives, yet often we still worry about the people who judge us. And that’s crazy. I only get one life and going through it worried about what someone thinks of me is a stupid way to live.

I think I can best sum this lesson up with the words from Sebastian Stan in Houston, “Don’t care about what other people say about you, just really don’t give a damn…you have to ultimately go ‘I’m doing this’ and people aren’t going to like that. Not everyone’s going to like what I do. So…who gives a f***? You know, if it feels good to you, and you’re helping somebody, or you’re not harming anybody, you’re being kind, you’re being considerate, then that’s it. That’s all you need.”

11. If someone judges me for my appearance, they are the ones with a problem.

One thing that has hindered me through the years is my fear of someone judging my appearance. I’ve let it affect every aspect of my life. For so long, I wouldn’t go to certain events, talk to certain people, participate in certain activities, travel certain places, date, go to restaurants, do fun things like dancing or swimming, etc. (and some I still don’t) because of being afraid people would judge how much fat is on my body. And I recognize that’s not a good way to go through life, and if someone judges me for that, they are the ones with the issue, not me. In the words of Brianna Wiest, “Focus on what your body does more than what it looks like doing it.” And I’ve been trying to live those words.

12. I need to live in the present, not the future.

I tend to freak myself out by thinking either too far ahead or about things that haven’t (and might not) even happen. I think about what age I’ll be in 10, 20, 30 years. I’ll think about what might go wrong with something at some point. It’s not healthy, I will drive myself crazy overthinking about this. One of the biggest things I’ve learned is to live in the now. It’s good to have future plans or be prepared for the future, but never forget to live in the present. Focus on the now. Live now.

13. It's good to try different things to figure out if I'm interested or not.

It’s so good to try different things out to discover if it’s something I enjoy or not, something I want to pursue or not, etc. It’s so easy to sign up for a class, look up a tutorial, or just get out and try. I have tried a lot of things in my life that ended up not being what I decided to put all of my energy into, but that’s a good thing. I don’t have to ask myself “what if?” and some of it I still enjoy doing as a hobby.

14. Writing is good for my mental health.

If you follow me on any social media, or are reading this right now, then you probably know that I tend to write things out often. I enjoy writing. It’s one of the ways I express myself, and it’s good for me. It’s therapeutic. I write when I’m excited, happy, or sad. I write out poetry or songs or just short little essays. I enjoy it, a lot, and I’m glad I’ve embraced it.

15. Read as much as possible.

Reading is good for so many reasons. It makes me smarter, it makes my brain more active, and it takes me into different worlds. It also lets me experience things or understand things I might not have otherwise. It helps to stop my mind to slow down and focus on one thing. Reading is important for everyone. It can be a novel, a short story, a magazine, whatever. Just read.

16. A good night's sleep can make a huge difference.

Trying to get a good night’s sleep just makes the next day better and is good for my mental and physical health overall. I’ve had crazy sleep schedules, sometimes from work hours but mostly because I’m an anxious night owl who pushed myself to stay awake and watch movies rather than going to sleep. I honestly feel better now that I’ve got myself on a better sleep schedule.

17. I should push myself out of my comfort zone but also know my limits.

I would have missed out on a lot if I hadn’t pushed myself out of my comfort zone, and I hope to do it even more in this next decade. It’s good to run towards some of the things that terrify but fascinate me. However, it’s also good to know that everyone has limits. It’s good if I can recognize situations or places that always make me feel uncomfortable and to try and keep myself out of that environment.

18. Music and concerts are therapeutic.

Music has been a part of so many aspects of my life (as it is for many). It’s played on road trips, at parties, at big life events, in my room, in the movies I love watching, and the list goes on. It’s no surprise that music is therapeutic and something so many people can relate to and love. One of my favorite parts about music is getting to go to concerts. Taylor Swift, Julia Michaels, Aly & AJ, Miranda Lambert, Britney Spears, Demi Lovato, and Selena Gomez are just some of the artists I’ve been lucky enough to see in my life, and whose concerts let me really let loose, and just be in the moment and feel all the feelings. And that’s great, and something I hope I get to experience quite often in the next decade and beyond.

19. It's important to be knowledgeable about the world.

This can be looked at in two different ways.

On one hand, learning about other cultures and places is interesting and important on opening up the mind and broadening horizons (kind of like what I stated about traveling). It’s cool to see how people live, talk, what customs they have, etc. and to recognize that while we’re all different, we also all have a lot of things in common.

On the other hand, it’s important to be knowledgeable of the issues in the world. It’s good to know what big concerns there are and learning about them so I can see where I stand on it as well as knowing what I can do to help people. For example, with refugee crisis, knowing what is going on in their country and what they are facing so I can look into what I can do to help provide assistance (such as donating, raising awareness, praying, etc. We can all do something). It’s important.

20. Be active in politics and be respectful with politics.

Being active in politics is vital to helping shape the present and future. Being educated about issues, empathizing with people, being aware, opening up my world to be bigger, and having an open mind is all important when approaching politics. It’s also imperative that I make sure I am always respectful when doing this. If I disagree with someone, I don’t attack them. If someone attacks me, I ignore them. If you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes. Don’t play stupid games.

21. Dog videos and cat videos will always make me feel better.

There’s not much to say about this except it’ll always make me happy and dogs and cats are so cute and deserve all the best things in the world. Also please send any and all dog and cat videos my way.

22. It’s so good to get to meet people from different backgrounds, lifestyles, cultures, etc.

Through traveling and living several different places, I’ve been lucky enough to meet people from all over the world. This has opened up my mind and has helped me to be able to recognize the different issues people face. It has helped me see so many lifestyles and values and I have learned a lot about the world through these people. I am thankful for them.

23. Being open about mental health is so important.

I have social anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder, AKA anxiety and depression. I’ve talked about this a lot in the past few years, however it took me awhile to get to that point. I was first diagnosed at 17 and it wasn’t until I was about 25 that I finally was able to be open about it and talk about it (and I have to thank Jared Padalecki for being a huge reason I was able to do that through his words and Always Keep Fighting campaign).

Mental health isn’t just about diagnosable disorders, though. Everyone has mental health, just as everyone has physical health. Mental health is just as important as physical health and should be treated as so. It’s okay if a couple days need to be taken to feel better. It’s okay to not be okay, as cliché as that sounds. The more open people are about mental health, the more awareness there will be, and that will lead to healthier minds.

24. Encouraging friends is something that should be done daily.

Let me repeat that, ENCOURAGING FRIENDS IS SOMETHING THAT SHOULD BE DONE DAILY. Everyone needs encouragement. Uplifting others is the easiest thing a person can do that can make such a big impact. Uplift them, encourage them. I am genuinely so proud of so many of my friends, and I try to tell them that often.

25. Watching movies will always be my joy and therapy.

I watch a lot of movies. A lot. And it’s because I genuinely love them. I find so much joy and entertainment being able to escape into different worlds and lives and situations for a couple hours. I also turn to them when I am sad or dealing with anxiety and depression and need something to help me. They are therapeutic. They are fun. I am thankful they exist, and I don’t care if that sounds weird to someone (see #1). I also love learning about them and knowing different aspects of them, such as how a scene was filmed or how an actor approached the character. Random challenge: when watching one of your favorite movies, take yourself out of the story for a minute and just watch the characters on screen as actors. It’ll blow your mind on how talented they are.

26. Creativity can be expressed in a lot of ways.

I’m a relatively creative person and sometimes it feels like I can’t find a way to express that, which makes me go crazy. I used to think I had to have a specific and grand outlet in order to express creativity, but that’s not true. I can express my creativity in the clothes I wear, the things I write, in painting or making bracelets, in photography and videography, or even in every day conversation. There are so many ways to express it, and none of them are wrong or not enough. I’ll do me and you do you.

27. It's good to have people who inspire me, but I shouldn't put them on a pedestal.

A lot of different people inspire me. Some are family, some are friends, some are musical artists, some are actors, some are YouTube creators, some are activists, some are just random people on Instagram or Twitter or wherever, and the list goes on. And it’s great to be inspired by other people. It’s nice to have people to look up to or who inspire me to be myself or express myself. However, it’s always important not to put them on a pedestal. Nobody is perfect. We’re all people.

28. Be kind, be empathetic, be patient, but stand up for myself.

Kindness, empathy, and patience are all things we should strive to have. I always try my hardest to be kind to everyone (sometimes I fail, like everyone, but I try). I have realized I have a lot of empathy, which is great and I’m thankful that I have that. I’m working on patience with myself, but I do try to be patient with other people. However, I also need to know when to stand up for myself. Sometimes people mistake kindness for weakness and try to push me down; I shouldn’t let them do that. I can still be kind while standing firm.

29. I may never understand a struggle someone's going through but that doesn't mean it's not real.

Often times when people talk about their struggles, I see others say, “well I have never experienced that or have seen that so it must not be true.” And that’s a poor way of thinking.

For example, as a white person, I’ll never fully understand the struggles and obstacles that racial minorities face. But it’s so, so important I still recognize that those struggles and obstacles exist and do my part in trying to help improve them. Another example is that a man will never fully understand the struggles and obstacles I face as a woman, but they should still recognize that those things are real.

30. I know that age is just a number and turning 30 next year just gives me a new decade to look forward to.

And last but not least, turning 29 shouldn’t be a scary thing. Age shouldn’t make anyone sad or feel like they have failed at life or something for not reaching a certain point (see #6). People put too much emphasis on age sometimes and it’s ridiculous. I’m 29. I’ll be 30 next year. It doesn’t mean anything except that I’m given a new slate to start a new decade of my life, and that should excite me, not scare me. So here’s to 29, I hope my last year in my 20s is great…but I have a feeling my 30s will be even greater.

#Taylor Swift #taylurking #30 things i learned before turning 30

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bluewatsons · 4 years

Conversation

Ivan Illich with Jerry Brown, We the People, KPFA (March 22, 1996)

Brown: This hour we have a very special privilege and opportunity. We have here in the studio in Los Angeles Ivan Illich and Carl Mitchum, two friends of mine who I hope you'll enjoy our conversation. Listen in. You'll find it instructive. Ivan Illich is the author of a book, very famous in the 1970s, called Deschooling Society, another book called Medical Nemesis. He's also the author of Celebration of Awareness, Tools for Conviviality, Gender, and now his most recent book called In the Vineyard of the Text, a commentary on a 12th century scholar and saint, Hugh of St. Victor. Along with us here in the studio is Carl Mitchum, a professor of humanities, presently Visiting Scholar at the Colorado School of Mines and on a more permanent basis a professor at Penn State where Ivan Illich and his friends and fellow scholars meet every year for a few months to study these ideas that over the next hour we're going to do our best to elucidate and share. Ivan, why don't we just start with the book that I first encountered when I became aware of you, and that is the book Deschooling. Can you reflect on what you were thinking about when you wrote it and how you might see that reality today because we're still struggling with schools in this society. There's still a dependency on professionals that seems to have control of how we learn or don't learn and I just have to wonder have we made any progress in creating the context where people get the sense that they are in charge of their own learning?

Illich: During the later 60s I had a chance in a year and a half to give a dozen different addresses to people who were concerned with education and schooling at which I had looked as a historian. I asked myself, since when are people born needy? In need for instance of education. Since when do we have to learn the language we speak by being taught by somebody. I stood in front of a group and asked, who of you remembers from whom your child has learned walking? Among a hundred people certainly thirty would raise their hands and I would say, I guarantee you are all graduates of education schools. I wanted to find out where the idea came from that all over the world people have to be assembled in specific groups of not less than fifteen, otherwise it's not a class, not more than forty, otherwise they are underprivileged, for yearly, not less than 800 hours, otherwise they don't get enough, not more than a 1,100 hours, otherwise it's considered a prison, for four year periods by somebody else who has undergone this for a longer time. How did it come about that such a crazy process like schooling would become necessary? Then I realized that it was something like engineering people, that our society doesn't only produce artifact things but artifact people. And that it doesn't do that by the content of the curriculum, by what we are taught, but by getting them through this ritual which makes them believe that learning happens as a result of being taught. That learning can be divided into separate tasks. That learning can be measured and pieces can be added one to the other. That learning provides value for the objects which then sell in the market. And it's true. The more expensive the schooling of a person the more money he will make in the course of his life. This in spite of the certainty from a social science point of view that there's absolutely no relationship between the curriculum content and what people actually do satisfactory for themselves or society in life. That we know since that beautiful book by Ivar Birg [?], The Great Training Robbery. In the meantime there are least thirty or forty other studies, all of which show the same thing. The curricular content has absolutely no effect on how people perform. The latent functions of schooling, that is the hidden curriculum, which forms individuals into needy people who know that they have now satisfied a little bit of their needs for education is much more important. So that was the reason why I went into it.

Brown: So Deschooling was based on the insight that the school industry teaches people, not teaches them but manipulates them, into thinking that they have certain needs that the school itself alone can satisfy?

Illich: That they have needs. Not all people whom I knew as a young man had needs. We were hungry but we couldn't translate the hunger into a need for food stuff. They were hungry for a tortilla, for comida, not calories. The idea that people are born with needs, that needs can be translated into rights, that these rights can be translated into entitlements, is a development of the modern world and it's reasonable, it's acceptable, it's obvious only for people who have had some of their educational needs awakened or created, then satisfied and then learned that we have less than others. Schooling, which we engage in and supposedly creates equal opportunities, has become the unique, never before attempted way of dividing the whole society into classes. Everybody knows in which level of his twelve or sixteen years of schooling he has dropped out, and in addition knows what price tag is attached to the higher schooling he has gotten.

Brown: So you get a precise definition of where you are in the social hierarchy by how much schooling your had or how much schooling you don't have, so you didn't know you needed fourteen years and a postgraduate degree or to get out of high school depending upon where you lived.

Illich: It's a history of degrading the majority of people.

Brown: So you take somebody who's poor and you modernize the poverty by not only having a person that doesn't have a lot of material goods but now lacks the mental self-confidence that his father or grandfather had before that.

Illich: And I can create a world for him in which he needs constantly something which--at that time I searched for a word I didn't findd, context sensitive help. You know, when you are in front of a computer and when you are in that program and put in Word Perfect it tells you what help you need at that point at which you are. This is instructions for use. This is incorporation of teaching into the object with which you encounter at its high point. We have created a world in which people constantly are grateful if they are taken by the hand to know how to use a knife or to use the coffee maker or how to go on from here in text composing.

Brown: So basically what you have is we're getting a world that more and more makes people dependent and the dependency isn't on nature or on their friends but on those who run the institution, whether it's a school or a ...

Illich: I don't want to go that far in my paranoia. To say the ones who run the institution, that is exactly what Mitchum there intensely explored over the years. It is that increasingly people live in an artifact and become artifacts themselves, feel satisfied, feel fit for that artifact insofar as they themselves have been manipulated. That is the reason why the two of us in several dozen of our closer flings [?], our invisible table--I don't like college--concern themselves with the things in the world as it is today as determinants of the possibility of friendship, of being really face to face to each other. Usually the people who do the philosophy of things, of artifacts, of technology, are concerned about what technology does to society for instance. Inevitably modern technology has polarized society. It has polluted the environment. It has disabled very simple native abilities and made them dependent on objects.

Brown: Like an automobile.

Illich: An automobile which cuts out the use value from your feet. Like an automobile which makes the world inaccessible when actually that means in Latin using your feet to get somewhere. The automobile makes it unthinkable. I recently had the question, "You're a liar!" when I said to somebody I walked down the spine of the Andes. Every Spaniard in the 16th, 17th century did that. The idea that somebody could just walk! He can jog perhaps in the morning but he can't walk anywhere! The world has become inaccessible because we drive there.

Brown: So the objects, like a car or even like a school, change who we are.

Illich: Who you are and even more deeply they change the way your senses work. Traditionally the gaze was conceived as a way of fingering, of touching. The old Greeks spoke about looking as a way of sending out my psychopodia [?], my soul's limbs, to touch your face and establish a relationship between the two of us which is this relationship, and this relationship was called vision. Then, after Galileo at the time of Kepler, the idea developed that the eyes are receptors into which light brings something from the outside, keeping you separate from me even when I look at you. Even if I gaze at you. Even if I enjoy your face. People began to conceive of their eyes as some kind of camera obscura. In our age people conceive of their eyes and actually use them as if they were part of a machinery. They speak about interface. Anybody who says to me, I want to have an interface with you, I say please go somewhere else, to a toilet or wherever you want, to a mirror. Anybody who says, I want to communicate with you, I say can't you talk? Can't you speak? Can't you recognize that there's a deep otherness between me and you, so deep that it would be offensive for me to be programmed in the same way you are.

Brown: Carl, were you going to jump in here?

Mitchum: I think that when Ivan talks about the importance of artifacts, or objects, and how they influence the way we experience ourselves and relate to others that's the thing in Ivan's work that has been continually most challenging to me because as I've tried to reflect and think about the world in which I live, a world in which a hundred years ago, even fifty years ago, when I was growing up there was a predominance of natural objects around. Rocks, trees, animals, chickens. Even in the city there was a predominance of natural vegetation and that's all changed. We live in a world in which the artifice of our environment overwhelms the natural foundation or context of the past. As Ivan has pointed out, that artifice is undergoing a fundamental transformation in what he referred to as context sensitive help screens. We spend more time now in front of a screen of one kind or another than we used to spend face to face with other humans beings--either the screen of the television set, the screen of the computer, the screen of my little digital clock right here in front of me.

Brown: And then even the city that we see is some kind of a screen with the billboards, the buildings. It's a mirror of the technological change and manipulation of nature. We're seeing this--what is this thing that we're seeing?

Mitchum: And we begin to experience the world, like when we're driving in a car the windshield becomes a kind of screen. The world becomes flattened to that screen. What was the term that Barbara used, Ivan?

Illich: The windshield gaze, but I found at the Penn State Library a report on the Texas meeting of windshield technicians. Last year we had three volumes with some 870 contributions about how to engineer the windshield view which always makes you be where you're not yet.

Brown: So you're looking ahead.

Illich: You're looking at what lies ahead, where we are not yet, which of course makes us with terrible feeling like when you are with somebody and he always wants to know where we will be next week, where we will be the next hour, instead of being right here. It makes facing each other increasingly more difficult because people can't detach themselves anymore from the idea that what we look at has been manipulated and programmed by somebody.

Brown: But people have always been subject to domination in one form or another in society. Now this is a different form of this kind of control.

Mitchum: It's not domination. It's transformation.

Illich: Let's stop for a moment and take that seriously because you give me some idea of who's listening to us. Definitely what I ought to do was until quite recently in all cultures which we know of determined by the idea of hierarchy being natural, being a given. The human condition, which can be that of the tropics or that of cold climate, which can be that of a very highly sophisticated Greek politea [?], with slavery or God know what horrors, or which can be that of a monastery in the 12th century. Being something given in which I live, which I have to learn to suffer. People didn't speak of a culture. The word didn't exist. But they spoke about the style of the art of suffering which we have here and not somewhere else. Somewhere else knows how to suffer his human condition. All this has been blown away, but what was common to all these forms of suffering the human condition was some kind of hierarchy which led them to the idea. The two of us, we haven't seen each other for a year now, and when we saw each other we bowed in front of each other and I had this clear feeling just as I was deeply impressed by some of the things which recently I have read of you. You also had a similar bow. This very idea of bowing. Don't bow in front of a screen. It's made impossible for people, or very difficult, who constantly see non-persons on the screen. I remember the day when that kid told me, "Yes, but I did see this evening Kennedy and then President Bush and then also E.T." For goodness sake, I am not something like them. I am somebody who wants to respect you, who wants to look up to you. This has been deeply undermined. That's the reason why I am saying that thing with the domination is important. Abuse of this leads to domination.

Mitchum: The abuse of the screen leads to domination?

Illich: Domination ought to be distinguished.

Brown: That was really hierarchy. I was speaking of more hierarchy. You think of the medieval period, the kings and the clerics and the peasants, and then we have this world of democracy where supposedly we're all equal and yet it turns out quite different from that.

Illich: But domination, let's say superiority, manipulation. With equality, dealing with the other, from above becomes manipulation.

Brown: So you're saying in a context of equality if you bow to someone that's already wrong.

Illich: It is already wrong and probably he will manipulate you. He will use devices and tools. He will manage you. There's a tremendous difference between managing somebody under the assumptions of equality and being able to exploit, to command, to deny another persons under conditions of hierarchy. The very idea of power is something literate, like money or watts [?] which can be loaded anywhere, is a very modern idea. It makes you believe that women and men can fight for power. In traditional society where human was Adam and Eve, where their relationship was a proportion like in music. A quint [?]. You hear a quint. You don't hear two sounds which combine to a quint.

Brown: What's a quint? A note?

Illich: A note, yes.

Mitchum: Two notes that harmonize.

Brown: A chord.

Illich: If you take a chord, divide it two to three and then listen to it you get that which people all through history have enjoyed as beauty, as music. Until Bach. That's the only thing which we can enjoy is music. And then from 1730 to 1890 modern music reflects a completely new view which you can make something they called music out of tempet [?] tones, that is tones which are artificially, using logarithms, defined in such a way that they are all slightly off proportion but provide the possibility of symphonic arrangements of international usage. I'm really addicted to precisely this horrible, impure noise which is modern music but I know that it is nothing to do with traditional Gregorian, with traditional Greek, with any kind of past music where people didn't hear individual tones which together give a proper arrangement. But they only could hear the relationship between the two sides of a chord. The loss of the sense of proportionality, the loss of the sense that our friendship is not Jerry plus Ivan and some interaction between them as if they were two screens, two programs, two machines, but an irreality [?] which is beautiful in itself. That sense seems to me that which I would like to save. I can't do that in politics. I can't do that in public life. I can do that only cultivating, we get together around spaghetti and a glass of wine.

Brown: So now in your earlier period you were more engaged in thinking about and writing about things like medicine or the medical world or the schools or tools or energy or transportation and now what you're just saying that you really have to focus on friendship, on people, around a table. Is there something that changed in you or something that changed in the world that brought you to that perspective?

Illich: I guess both. I am surrounded for the first time in my life with people above 25 who were born in the year, or shortly after the year, during which I had one experience of what they call medically in America depression of two weeks. I called it melancholia. I called it acedia.

Brown: Acedia being one of the seven deadly sins.

Illich: Which is the inactivity which results from a man seeing how enormously difficult it is for a man to do the right thing.

Brown: Also called sloth in some translations.

Illich: In good English. Sloth. I had a period of very black sloth and didn't want to continue writing on that book Tools for Conviviality. I said to myself, you don't have kids yourself. If you had kids now probably you wouldn't do it because you couldn't imagine your own kids. But you'll go on and finish this. I understood what ashes [?] were, what it meant to have to move into a world of the technological shell of which we spoke before. And now these people are born in that age. I can speak differently to these people than I could speak to people of the sixties. In '68 when I made people aware of the horrors implicitly inevitably affected by sickening medicine because it creates more sick people than it can help, stupefying education of which we just spoke, time-consuming acceleration of traffic so that the majority of people have to spend many more hours in traffic jams in order to make a few people like you and me and perhaps even Mitchum omnipresent, that was our main concern. Today my main concern is in which way, and these people understand it, technology has devastated the road from one to the other, to friendship, and yet therefore it is not our task to run out into the world to help others who are less privileged than we are. Some people must do this and I must collaborate with it. The real task is to remove from my own mind that screen. You and Mitchum spoke just a few minutes ago which makes your face inaccessible to me, which removes the thou which you are and from whose gaze, whose pupilla in the eye, I receive myself inaccessible to me.

...

Brown: Ivan just mentioned you had a focus on these larger societal issues and now you're coming to focus in recent years on the more immediate friendship. I'm very struck by the fact that you've always when I've used the word communication and then you say computers communicate but people talk, people have a conversation. I think the same thing is also true of the word relationship. You can have a relationship among instruments or between instruments, but you can only have a friendship between two people or among human beings. I guess one of the obvious points about the modern sophisticated world would be the technological terms that invade our own understanding of ourselves and our immediate life. In this book that Ivan has written called In the Vineyard of the Text he called my attention to footnote 53 which is from the Latin. Who is the author?

Illich: This is Hugh of St. Victor who writes to a friend of his.

Brown: OK, this is Hugh of St. Victor, a man who lived in the 12th century, and here is what he says. He says, "Charity." Now when he says charity does he mean love?

Illich: Yes.

Brown: OK, so I'm going to use that. When he says love never ends. "To my dear brother Ronolfe from Hugh, a sinner. Love never ends. When I first heard this I knew it was true. But now, dearest brother, I have the personal experience of fully knowing that love never ends. For I was a foreigner. I met you in a strange land. But that land was not really strange for I found friends there." And it goes on. You want me to go on some more?

Illich: It's so beautiful.

Brown: "But the land was not really strange for I found friends there. I don't know whether I first made friends or was made one, but I found love there and I loved it and I could not tire of it for it was sweet to me and I filled my heart with it and was sad that my heart could hold so little. I could not take in all that there was but I took in as much as I could. I filled up all the space I had but I could not fit in all I found so I accepted what I could and weighed down with this precious gift I didn't feel any burden because my full heart sustained me. And now having made a long journey I find my heart still warmed and none of the gift has been lost for love never ends."

Illich: Isn't that a marvelous little letter?

Brown: It's wonderful.

Illich: Today we would immediately say if a man writes to a man like that he must be a gay. Why not? But anyway if he writes to a woman they would say what a marvelous sexual relationship. But do I need these alienating concepts? I want to just go back to a great rabbinical and also as you see, monastic, Christian development beyond what the Greeks like Plato or Cicero already knew about friendship. That it is from your eye that I find myself. There's a little thing there. They called it pupilla, puppet, which I can see in your eye. The black thing in your eye.

Brown: That's the pupil.

Illich: Pupil, puppet, person, eye. It is not my mirror. Libby [?] spoke that way about it. It is you making me the gift of that which Ivan is for you. That's the one who says "I" here. I'm purposely not saying, this is my person, this is my individuality, this is my ego. No. I'm saying this is the one who answers you here, whom you have given to him. This is how Hugh explains it here. This is how the rabbinical traditional explains it. That I cannot come to be fully human unless I have received myself as a gift and accepted myself as a gift of somebody who has, well today we say distorted me the way you distorted me by loving me. Now, friendship in the Greek tradition, in the Roman tradition, in the old tradition, was always viewed as the highest point which virtue can reach. Virtue meaning here the habitual facility of doing the good thing which is fostered by what the Greeks called politaea, political life, community life. I know it was a political life in which I wouldn't have liked to participate, with the slaves around and with the women excluded, but I still have to go to Plato or to Cicero. They conceived of friendship as a flowering, a supreme flowering of the interaction which happens in a good political society. This is what makes long experience so painful with you that every time we are together you make me feel most uncomfortable about my not being like you. I know it's not my vocation. It's your vocation. Structuring community and society in a political way. But I do not believe that friendship today can flower out, can come out, of political life. I do believe that if there is something like a political life to be, to remain for us, in this world of technology, then it begins with friendship. Therefore my task is to cultivate disciplined, self-denying, careful, tasteful friendships. Mutual friendships always. I and you and I hope a third one, out of which perhaps community can grow. Because perhaps here we can find what the good is. To make it short, while once friendship in our western tradition was the supreme flower of politics I do think that if community life if it exists at all today it is in some way the consequence of friendship cultivated by each one who initiates it. This is of course a challenge to the idea of democracy which goes beyond anything which people usually talk about, saying each one of you is responsible for the friendships he can develop because society will be as good as the political result of these friendships will be.

Brown: So we start with a world where the good society creates the virtue and the virtue is the basis of friendship. Now it's reversed. Now it seems we have to create the friendship and in the context of the friendship virtue is practiced and that might lead to a community which might lead to a society which might be a whole other kind of politics.

Illich: Yes.

Mitchum: Let me venture a commentary on that because it seems to me...

Brown: Would you say we understood each other?

Illich: We understood each other.

Mitchum: In some sense that's what you're trying to do, Jerry, with We the People. As I visited your place in Oakland you've created a context in which what comes first is your friendship with other people and the friendship, the relations, between the people at that community. And out of that may grow some politics but what I experienced when I visited We the People in Oakland is primarily your hospitality and the hospitality of others there with you.

Illich: Here is the right word. Hospitality was a condition consequent on a good society in politics, politaea, and by now might be the starting point of politaea, of politics. But this is difficult because hospitality requires a threshold over which I can lead you and TV, internet, newspaper, the idea of communication, abolished the walls and therefore also the friendship, the possibility of leading somebody over the door. Hospitality requires a table around which you can sit and if people get tired they can sleep. You have to belong to a subculture to say, we have a few mattresses here. It's still considered highly improper to conceive of this as the ideal moments in a day or a year. Hospitality is deeply threatened by the idea of personality, of scholastic status. I do think that if I had to choose one word to which hope can be tied it is hospitality. A practice of hospitality recovering threshold, table, patience, listening, and from there generating seedbeds for virtue and friendship on the one hand. On the other hand radiating out for possible community, for rebirth of community.

...

Brown: Let me ask you about the institutionalization of hospitality. I remember a phrase once, "hospitalization has replaced hospitality" and this business of institutionalizing values. I know you've written about the story of the Good Samaritan who is my neighbor and now we come up to this world of the needs, the rights, and the institution to take care of all that. Based on what we were just saying can you say a little bit about what institutionalization does, and in my mind I identify this with the image of progress, and then this reality that we're discussing of friendship, of love, of basing anything we might want to call community on that very immediate unconstrained, uninstitutionalized way of being together.

Illich: All right. I'll come to progress before I come to the last point at which we are now where progress is smiled about a little bit.

...

Illich: Let me being somewhere else. Hospitality, that is the readiness to accept somebody who is not from our hut, this side our threshold, this bed in here, seems to be among the characteristics which anthropologists can identify, one of the most universal if the not the most universal. But hospitality, I'm going again to the Greeks I know, Xenia [?], Xenos, is the word for hospitality also.

Brown: Xenos, the word for stranger, hospitality.

Illich: Xenos was Zeus insofar as he is the god of hospitality.

Brown: And also the same root of xenophobia, fear of the stranger. So you can have love of the stranger or fear of the stranger.

Illich: Yes. Xenophobia means hospitality. But hospitality wherever it appeared distinguishes between those who are not necessarily yonons [?], or pamphilions [?], Greek areas, but Hellenes and those who are blabberous [?], barbarians. Hospitality primarily refers to Hellenes. It's a behavior which knows there is an outside and an inside. It is not for humans in general. Then comes that most upsetting guy, Jesus of Nazareth, and by speaking about something extraordinarily great and showing it in example destroys something basic. When they ask him, who is my neighbor? He tells about a Jew beaten up in a holdup and a Palestinian being called a Samaritan, it came from Samaria [?], it's a Palestinian. First two Jews walk by and don't notice him. Then the Palestinian walks by, sees that Jew, takes him into his own arms, does therefore what hospitality does not obligate to, and treats him as a brother. This breaking of the limitation of hospitality to the ingroup, to the broadest possible ingroup, and saying, you determine who your guest is, might be taken as the key message of Christianity. Then, in 300 and something, finally the Church got recognition. The bishops were made into something like magistrates. The first things those guys do, these new bishops, is creating houses of hospitality, institutionalizing what can be only what was given to us as a vocation by Jesus, as a personal vocation, institutionalizing it, creating xenodocaea [?], roofs, refuges, for foreigners. Immediately, very interesting, quite a few of the great Christian thinkers of that time, the year 300, 1600 years ago, John Krezostamos [?] is one, shout, if you do that, if you institutionalize charity, if you make charity or hospitality into an act of a non person, a community, Christians will cease to remain famous for what we are now famous for, for having always an extra mattress, a crust of old bread and a candle, for him who might knock at their door. But, for political reasons, the Church became, from the year 400, 500 on, the main device for a thousand years roughly of proving that the State can be Christian by paying the Church to take care institutionally of small fractions of those who had needs, relieving the ordinary Christian household of the most uncomfortable duty of having a door, having a threshold, but being open for him who might knock and whom I might choose. This is what I speak about as institutionalization of charity. Historical root of the idea of services, of the service economy. Now, I cannot imagine such a system being reformable even though it might be your task and the task of courageous people whom I greatly admire for the impossible task they take on to work at its reform, at making the evils the service system carries with it as small as possible. What I would have chosen and as Mitchum and other friends have chosen together as our task is to awaken in us the sense of what this Palestinian, I say always instead of saying Samaritan, example meant. I can choose. I have to choose. I have to make my mind up whom I will take into my arms, to whom I will lose myself, whom I will treat as that vis-a-vis that face into which I look which I lovingly touch with my fingering gaze, from whom I accept being who I am as a gift.

Brown: It's very hard to add to that. Let me just step back a bit and just put this question back. This whole world of services, the schools, the hospitals, the welfare, the servicing of needs. And service is not just that. There's entertainment. There's all sorts of things that define the modern economy and that's what you're saying is smothering the individual and only alive possibility of being a human being in response, in the I-thou, in the I am here now, loving, being with. That reality is destroyed by what proports to be the good of serving people through the institutions of modern society.

Illich: But there is this, for me, most uncomfortable, painful--at moments I feel this hateful obligation to be also in the midst of schools, hospitals, the transportation systems, radio!

Brown: This isn't exactly a service.

Illich: I leave it up to you. I am not for one moment suggesting, none of us is suggesting, that you can... We formerly spoke about Manichaeans in a Puritan way, withdrawing to the comfort of friendship. But it is only there that you can become in the I-thou relationship, which has mutual respect and bowing, that person who knows, who has a sense for the good. Not for values. Values are totally different. For the good, what is proportionate. And therefore know where you stand when you move into criticism of service systems, of economy, of economic relations of class structure.

Brown: So friendship is the soil out of which one has to walk in the larger world.

Illich: I wish it were the soil. I wish there were still soil to it. And it is not friendship unless there is something a little bit dirty to it. Dirty you don't say in English. You know, dirt in the good sense. Earthy.

Brown: Fleshy.

Illich: Because the eyes are fleshy. That image in there, in your pupilla, of me is fleshy.

Brown: So when you said Manichaean, and maybe people listening won't know what Manichaean is, but this idea that this idea that there's an evil spirit and a good spirit and your looking at the world of services is certainly the product of some evil spirit. You're rejecting that and saying, yes, friendship is the pure spring of creativity or being fully human and yet we're in the world.

Illich: I use the word dirty because dirt is a good word.

Brown: It's the source of what's real and from that source we still have to be in the world and do something to the world..

Illich: It's a reembodiment of our judgments and of our experience. By reembodiment I mean the country [?] of what, radio too, does. People had to listen to us without seeing our faces.

Brown: And while that's limited it's a wonderful thing that we're able to do it. And Ivan thank you very much for doing it. Folks, now that you've heard us talk I hope you'll be talking with your own friends.

#interviews #ivan illich #jerry brown #radio #education #judgment #christianity #Manichaean #xenophobia #friendship #sin #acedia #deadly sins

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