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non-sequitura · 4 years

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Non-sequitura Disney in-depth analysis (after making a tier list)

Warning: SUPER longform. If you don’t know a movie well, you should skip the summary. I tried to be light on spoilers, but they’re there.

I went chronologically from favorite to least favorite. So S tier is, in order from fave to least fave, The Incredibles, WALL-E, then Zootopia.

S tier (Something I consider high quality AND a movie I greatly enjoy. I would love more Disney movies be like this.)

The Incredibles - one of my favorite movies of all time, possibly THE favorite. Rockin social commentary, epic action scenes, memorable characters, not a minute of screentime wasted, great take on the Fantastic Four, hilarious parts for both adults and children, an interesting villain, etc.

WALL-E - I love how social commentary was done here. Also skies above, what a beautiful love story. Really blazed a trail in non-verbal storytelling (especially given it was an animated kids film!) Robot animations are particularly delightful.

Zootopia - another social message delivered excellently and entertainingly. I love Judy and her persistence, I love the expressiveness of the faces and the epic city setting. I love Judy and Nick's banter. This movie deserves to be remembered longer than it has been so far. Admittedly, not one of my fave villains, which makes it my least favorite of the Ss.

A tier (either super high quality or something I greatly enjoy and deem of at least reasonably good quality)

Mulan - this movie did everything right. Truly feminist protagonist, an icon for strong Asian women, fairly culturally accurate (tho Mushu confuses me), GORGEOUS and iconic music. Lets a relatively natural romance develop. I frickin love the action scenes, I love the emporer. Sadly, this movie just didn't lodge its way in my heart as well as Pixar did. Pixar just has some magic, yo.

Cinderella - my gosh what an underrated protagonist. Her family straight-up abuses her and she never loses sight of her goals for a better life. Iconic visuals helped bring Disney out of bankruptcy. A gorgeous alto singing voice.

Wreck-it Ralph - alright alright ppl don’t crucify me for this. I honestly can’t think of much wrong with this movie. Vanellope and Ralph’s vitriolic best buds relationship is adorable, her forgiveness of him is heartwarming and (relatively) deserved, rockin’ Owl City song, epic visuals that mix together bc of all the different games. ALSO ONE OF THE BEST DISNEY VILLAINS NO CAP. One of the only twist villains I like. And we stan the romantic pairing.

Tangled - I’ve talked about this a lot, but Rapunzel deserved the whole world after what she’s gone through. That being said, Gothel is not some shallow monster she needs to escape from, but an intelligent, well-defined monster with backstory. I could totally see this story happening if the world of Tangled existed. Epic love story, hilarious dialogue. Music is… good but much of it is less memorable to me. Visuals are good but not quite at the level/creativity of many other disney films.

The Lion King - they really put Hamlet in Africa and pulled it off lol. But in all seriousness, no one took the premise of this film seriously at the time and it became sooo iconic. I love Scar and his eventual downfall, I love how Simba grows emotionally, I love the sad moments that don’t overpower the overall feeling of light goofiness. And music so memorable it was one of the first Disney musicals.

Coco - not a super unique story premise. But an incredible culture to explore with such creativity and sensitivity. I love the themes of death not being the worst and music being so central to the story. Twist/twist villain was memorable and not expected. And yeah, it did make me cry, so props there.

Ratatouille - the most recently watched of these films for me. This movie is soooo unique! Back when Pixar was truly super out there with their concepts. Super Parisian visuals and soundtrack. It somehow starts goofy (THE OLD LADY TRIES TO KILL REMY WITH A SHOTGUN WHILE WEARING A GAS MASK) but really drives home the message that you can truly do what you want regardless of who you are. Colette can get it. And the monologue by Ego at the end is one of my favorites in film.

Frozen - Anna is one of my favorite Disney protagonists. She’s so resilient and loyal. Elsa ain’t bad either but she experiences… less character development. The film is a tad too pleased with its own self-awareness for my taste, but there’s no denying how iconic the music and visuals were.

Inside Out - Alright, this movie hits home for me bc I tried to run away after moving. A super thoughtful, heartfelt depiction of (potentially depression? imo) with great moments of humor. Riley’s inner world is so creative and lovely. Also realistic depictions of Minnesota/California culture.

Tarzan - Jane! is! smart! and! adorable! Her scientific curiosity makes her very endearing. it’s so cute to see her and Tarzan learn from each other. Also Tarzan’s “found mother” is epic. Solid score. Solid film all around. To quote Lily Orchard, “This film is what Pocahontas tried to be.”

B tier (one of my favorites but has a few significant flaws that bring it down (or not quite as memorable to me, but consider good quality))

Peter Pan - Haven’t seen it in a hot sec, but I remember being super charmed by this as a kid. Just going out, having incredible adventures, and returning to a warm home at the end of the day. Tinker Bell is hilarious and beautifully drawn. Gets major negative points for the depiction of Native Americans tho.

Big Hero 6 - I was super charmed by the protagonist, his family/friends, and the setting. The plot/villain’s motivations are a bit of a mess, though.

Princess and the Frog - This movie has so much flavor to it! The visuals/music are lovely and unique. Tiana is incredible but it’s kinda annoying how EVERYONE keeps trying to shoehorn her into romance. The thing is, her goals are entirely reasonable. Focus on her restaurant, then look to settle down. But they’re like “nooo you’re ignoring the important things in life” smh. Also, epic villain, woohoo! The movie dragged significantly for me when they were in the bayou. Charlotte is delightful.

Winnie the Pooh - don’t remember it super well, but I think it was charming and occasionally dark, which is an addictive concoction.

The Little Mermaid - MAN ppl roast Ariel way more than she deserves. Visually, it was… fine. idk. This movie is good. I don’t have much else to say about it.

Snow White - the one that started it all. Visually, super impressive. Musically, lovely. I find the romance a bit… off. Well, more than a bit. What is it with Disney and kissing sleeping people?

Alice in Wonderland - a nerdy acid trip. Right up my alley! I also like films where ppl go on incredible adventures and return to the status quo, but THEY changed bc of it. Epic. SUUUUPER creative visual interpretation of Carroll’s book. Brave - gosh I loooove films where a parent and child learn to understand each other. Never got why ppl hated this movie so much. The Scottish flavor is present and fun. Merida made one mistake and made it up. The arrow scene is iconic.

Cars - a fun ride! (hahaha puns.) We love seeing Paul Newman as a car.

B-minus tier? (same as B, but problematic, or weaker story-wise.)

Hunchback - man… settings-wise, this film might be my favorite. I also love Esmeralda and Quasimodo as characters and as a duo (though the sexualized depiction of Romani ppl is not epic.) I also don’t find the discrimination against Esmeralda/Quasimodo jarring bc it matches the time period. Frollo is super interesting as a villain. The gargoyles are… def not necessary. Basically, this film doesn’t know what it’s doing with tone.

Sleeping Beauty - Aurora was my favorite when I was younger because I thought she was the prettiest, and that still defines how i feel about this, basically. Visually lovely - everything is kind of elongated and gothic. Maleficent is spiteful and epic. I have no issue with the fluffier parts of the movie, like the music or the fairies. RIP for lack of consent being a plot point, though.

Hercules - Megara is incredible. one of the only Disney “princesses” who acts like an adult and has cynicism as a major part of her personality. I love her and Herc’s progression where she learns to trust him (yes, he is genuinely that sincere, it’s not a front.) Muses are unique, whoever came up with them was high on something and I’m living for it. I just think the plot itself was somewhat unrealistic/ weirdly-paced. There are some memorable songs, some less-than-memorable songs. Art style is cool but I’m personally not a fan. EXTREMELY inaccurate depictions of the original Greek gods.

C tier (entertaining, but I don't consider it a great movie)

Bolt - I watched this like 11 years ago. It was fun! A cool concept about those put on a pedestal learning their worth even without celebrity boosting them up. Animation was… fine I think. not super memorable to me.

Frozen 2 - They really took any scrap of character development Elsa had in the first movie, threw it in the garbage and set it on fire. Anna deserved so much better. Songs are bombastic and impressive, have the occasional interesting lyric, but are really weirdly placed and none are quite as iconic as the first movie’s (except Aurora, she does great work here. Also the song Anna sings after she thinks Elsa died.)

Not a big fan of the vaguely homeopathic theme. Not a big fan of Olaf’s WEIRD character development. Not a big fan of the suuuuuper awkward dialogue and the animations that imply not only that Kristoff is into his reindeer but that Elsa and Anna are into each other (if you’re questioning if they did that, yes, they did, I can find screenshots of some really weird expressions/moments. THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO PANDER TO YOUR WEIRD FANS, DISNEY.)

The voice actors did great work, the animators did great work (look at the details on their clothes! Look at how Elsa’s posture changes to be more confident! look at how they're animated while they're singing!) Some weird costume/makeup choices that make Elsa look like an aging starlet, but she also has some gorgeous moments so eh. It’s a wash for me.

They really did not know what to do with Kristoff this movie, huh. The only thing that happened to him was singing a cheesy 90s ballad and marrying Anna, both of which were admittedly epic. Also, the trolls got 0 appearances despite being literally psychic. Probably could have helped with a lot. I'm not a huge fan of lore/worldbuilding, and thee was a lot of it here. Overall neutral on it.

Also a big theme in this movie I don’t love - **** TANGIBLE CONSEQUENCES TO OUR ACTIONS!!! The danger is Elsa’s death, the elements, colonialism, and Arendelle literally being destroyed. None of those end up playing out, so I was left at the end going “this film had literally no stakes.”

Monsters U - same as above - entertaining at the time! Not super memorable. The ppl we were supposed to dislike kept switching. Doesn’t really match the canon of Monsters Inc (I thought they were supposed to have known each other since childhood so why did they meet in college?)

Cars 3 - so apparently, everyone HATED this movie! Fun! I never watched Cars 2 (yes watched Cars 1 if you haven’t been paying attention to this list), but I didn’t think this movie was bad at all. Well-acted, some fun chase scenes, the scene where Lightning fails at driving in the simulation is genuinely hilarious, and some interesting perspectives on teachers getting the spotlight for their skills for once.

Incredibles 2 - I liked this film at first, but then it was… just okay in retrospect. I love me some good family dynamics. The plot here makes not a lot of sense. THEY BUILT UP THE UNDERMINER FOR NOTHING AND THEN FORGOT ABOUT HIM. I was surprised by the villain swap, but it happened so last minute I never really understood their motivations even after they explained them. Tried to tackle waaaay too many messages.

D tier (I didn't enjoy these or consider them mediocre)

Finding Dory - Maybe I should have put this higher? Like C tier at least. Ah well. Wasn’t a huge fan of the body/physical comedy (not my thing), but it was entertaining and awww finding family is heartwarming.

Finding Nemo - I remember nothing about this movie.

E tier (this film has significant problems)

Beauty and the Beast - *sigh*… I want to love this movie. The score is gorgeous. Visually, they could have made it more distinctly Rococo-era France but didn’t (why?) The voice actors did good work and I think Paige O’Hara is SUPER underrated here.

The Beast is emotionally manipulative with an awful temper that (for MOST of the movie. He doesn’t change.) That’s the main reason this is in E tier. This movie shaped so many generations of people thinking they can change the behavior of someone who treats them badly through the power of love. But you can’t. She learns to “love” the beast under coercion. It’s not Stockholm syndrome - it’s a trashy romance novel. Big fan of Gaston as a villain. He’s an archetype ppl can recognize and it’s so satisfying to hate him.

F tier (I think this film actively harms the industry and would rather it not have been made. Both the one in E tier could be considered harmful to the industry, but I think they had significant enough artistic accomplishments to scrape above that. I'm also generally a fan of "lack of censorship bc it's better to teach what not to do.")

Pocahontas - this movie took real historical events and romanticized them AND sexualized one of the only Native princesses they’ve had. Boo. Nothing wrong with animation!Pocahontas as a character, it’s just people put her in a story that doesn’t represent history well at all (and these historical events, unlike those in say, 14th-century Germany, had super relevant effects on people alive today.) And they portrayed the Native Americans and colonial settlers as equally in the wrong. (though I like Governor Radcliffe as a potential villain and love the line “see how I glitter.” I can’t NOT laugh when I hear it.) Lovely music, though. Nice animation, but the colors are weirdly… muted?

Bad Garbage (I don't wish this film had never been made, but I wish I never had to see it.)

Planes - this movie was ridiculous. I remember not much about it except that I kinda hated it and that it was super cheesy with tension one could see right through that immediately resolved itself via one twist or another.

Haven’t seen tier: Recess, A Bug’s Life, A Goofy Movie, DuckTakes Movie, Lilo and Stitch, Pinocchio (actually i have seen this but I remember nothing about it), The Nightmare before Christmas, Toy Stories 1, 2, and 3, Up, 101 Dalmatians, The Great Mouse Detective, Cars 2, Moana, The Good Dinosaur, Pete’s Dragon, Fantasia, Peter Pan Return to Neverland, Fantasia 2000, The Black Cauldron (read the book, though!), Bambi (or I did and remember nothing about it), The Rescuersm, The Rescuers Down Under, Planes Fire and Rescue, Bambi 2, The Fox & the Found, Oliver and Company, Atlantis, Treasure Planet (I want to, though), Piglet’s Big Movie, The Jungle Book, the Emporer’s New Groove, The Jungle Book 2, Chicken Little, Brother Bear, The Three Caballeros, Pooh’s Heffalump Movie, Dumbo, The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad, Aladdin (seen parts but never the whole thing), Strange Magic, The Sword in the Stone, James and the Giant Peach, Frankenweenie, Lady and the Tramp, Ralph Breaks the Internet, Doug’s 1st Movie, Monsters Inc. (want to, though), Meet the Robinsons, Dinosaur, The Aristocats, Robin Hood, The Tigger Movie, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, that pooh movie at the end without the title on it

-11/21/20

#blog #non-sequitura-blog #11/21/20 #november #2020 #longform #analysis #disney

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aqvarius · 4 years

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HLITF: This is not the Story of your First Night: Soma - otona love - chapter 2 summary/translation

so i decided to spend the 700pt to buy all 6 chapters of this lol. my love for soma crosses all boundaries and languages and i decided i will get through this no matter how long it takes me. i find it kind of hard to translate sometimes because i have to figure out a lot of context re: pronouns/who’s doing what and also there’s a lot of like ‘vague’/euphemistic language when it comes to some of the more graphic bits haha. also i’m swapping into a primarily second person format because writing about “them” makes me feel weirdly voyeuristic (and somehow writing about “you” is less voyeuristic? makes no sense but i like it more lmao).

i’ve chosen to title this as “this is not the story of your first night” and have gone back and retitled the first chapter post which you can find here.

i’m thinking of shortening it to “not your first night” but please let me know if there’s a less clunky title that would work.

anyway i’m going to put this under a cut because it is really image heavy! this is a looong chapter and i ended up taking a lot more screenshots because there were so many moments i wanted to showcase.

click below to read my summary/translation of chapter 2!

soma: “i’ve been looking forward to this day with you”

anyway i just had to share how google decided to translate this next slide bc i’m screaming it’s so funny.

this is the original slide, which i think is basically saying: smiling as he’s about to make me cum with his fingers, kyokan [the instructor] casually/nonchalantly puts on a condom (😲)

you think, “i was hoping that this day would come too”

((alskdjflsdj they are SO CUTE together))

anyway you get really nervous and there’s a heartbeat sfx which is so funny because there has been no music in this story but there’s suddenly this loud thumping noise.

“with a whisper [of my name], kyokan slowly sinks himself onto me”

i think this means he’s lowering his weight onto you, sinking onto, rather than into - you at this point.

you moan his ‘name’ (kyokan/instructor) and in response he slowly but firmly spreads your legs and then sinks deeper onto you.

“ah... instructor’s ..... is getting really hard”

he rubs against your entrance* and your heart is pounding again. also the heartbeat sfx comes back lol.

*i don’t really know how to translate this part because it seems to be a really evasive way of talking about like “receiving parts” if i’m reading it correctly lol

“n-not there...!”

“his hard, hot tip touched my sensitive bead, my body trembled”

soma: “does it feel good here?”

((of course it does!!!!!! you know it does!!!!))

you respond affirmatively, and he says:

“harder? or more gentle?”

kyokan you are SUCH A TEASE!! omg i can’t believe this is all happening on the very night he confesses ahhhh. no wonder everyone always says soma is good with women laskjdfla

he tells you not to lose energy this time lol. your sensitive parts are being stimulated and your breaths become shallow... his hot mass, coated in your nectar, slowly enters you. quietly, gently and caringly... he gradually goes deeper and deeper.

“aah... i can feel kyokan’s heat in the core of my body...”

soma: “does it hurt?”

he is such a gentleman i’m swooning~

so anyway you say you’re okay so he says he’ll give you a little more (!!) can’t believe he’s saying that with that smile ugh my heart can’t take it.

you moan in response and in contrast to your soft voice, his cock [they call it his “that” lmao] powerfully pushes even deeper inside you.

“sugoi.... it’s so deep....”

i think that deep down we all knew this, but it’s official that soma is packing lol.

“finally, with the instructor... i’m one with my beloved instructor soma...”

“my heart is feeling as full as my body is feeling pleasure”

this is all so steamy but these two lines made me so emotional~~~ ((they’re so in love ahaslfkjsl my heart can’t take it)) i can’t quite yet figure out how to phrase that second line in as pretty of a way, but basically it’s saying that your heart is feeling full to the same extent as your body is feeling pleasure.

you both moan each other’s names and you wrap your arms around his back and you’re being embraced, holding on tight to him, and he holds you tightly in return. feeling his pulsing heartbeat, you instinctively become happy. by the way there’s also this random rustling sheets sfx that sometimes pops up that i also find really funny.

“the instructor’s thrusts gradually speed up to the rate of his heartbeat.”

you start moaning more and he asks:

soma: “too fast?”

you just respond in moans like “nn, ahh” lol, so he asks you again if it hurts, and then his movement slows because he’s worried that you haven’t answered him.

something that i’m learning about soma (as if i didn’t already know) is that he’s always checking in with you. in this case it’s because it’s your first time together but it’s something that he always seems to do and he loves teasing you so i wonder if in the later cases it’s more like light 言葉責め (verbal humiliation?) lol.

you respond no (that it doesn’t hurt) and he says

soma: “sorry, i don’t mean to be rough-”

but you’re like “no!! don’t stop yet...!” ((she’s having such a good time lmao)) but you can’t say it so you just bite your lip and shake your head

soma: “so it’s like that, is it?”

he’s guessed what you mean and starts thrusting rhythmically again. his long hair sways with each movement of his hips, making your skin tingle even more.

you feel embarrassed that you want him so badly right from the start, but even though you’re embarrassed, you can’t escape the pleasure dominating your entire body. in fact, you want even more. you don’t want him to see your lustful face so you cover your face with your hands, but soma takes your hands and laces your fingers with his.

soma: “show me the face you make when you feel me”

((!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can’t handle this, i had to take a short break bc my heart is about to explode))

you note that you’re still unaccustomed to this instructor who refers to himself as “俺”** in bed, and then once again he pushes deep into you.

**俺 (ore) is a more informal/manly way of saying “I”. soma normally uses keigo/polite language when he talks so he tends to refer to himself with 私 (watashi) but when he’s in bed his speech pattern and language changes to be more aggressive/manly.

this is just soma panting/moaning but i love his blush sprite and i always include it wherever i can lol.

anyway, you have a glorious orgasm (which i was too lazy/noob to translate properly) and that concludes the flashback. ((also i'm probably wrong but i feel like the text implies that it’s her first, which means that sex with the ex hajime was... not that great lmao?))

the music comes back now as we return to the present which is nice haha. you reminisce that soma wasn’t as mean/teasing as he is now ((lmao!!!! i knew it)) and feel nostalgic thinking back to your first night.

you were so embarrassed at him asking you all those questions, but that’s just soma’s kindness.... or so it should be. with that, you get out of bed, reminding yourself that soma is always kind, and go to the bathroom to wash away the remnants of last night ...

anyway i thought that was the end of this chapter bc i’ve literally been sitting here translating for ages BUT IT’S NOT.

kurosawa: “nooo~ S [sadism] is sugoi desu ne...!”

it’s jarring to go from super steamy and emotional reminiscing about your first time with soma to suddenly kurosawa lmao. i also finally figured out that the ‘present’ (i.e. not the flashback) is set after graduation when you are already working as a full fledged public safety detective. anyway he tells you that he went to an SM bar yesterday and he was blown away by how amazing S is. only then do you realise what he means by S.

kurosawa says that the most amazing thing is that their kotobazeme (verbal abuse/humiliation) is no joke.

i just want to interlude here and say that i wrote this entirely summary completely chronologically and never went back to add anything retroactively and yet i was already talking about soma’s kotobazeme ages ago (and how on their first night he was probably genuinely checking in to make sure she was okay but now probably does it to tease her). i know my man so well lol

anyway, toru tries to give you an example of kotobazeme and gets all up close and is about to whisper in your ear and then ishigami is like “that’s enough”.

ayumu: “any more than that and it’ll be sexual harassment”

soma: “that’s right”

seeing my #1 and #2 faves together is giving me palpitations.

luckily, kurosawa backs off but then he says that ishigami is good at it (verbal abuse) ... and so is shusuke... and goto...

goto interrupts him and says “shut up” which immediately proves toru’s point lol. there’s some banter between goto and soma vs toru which i’m too tired to translate bc it’s 2am and i’ve been doing this for hours but anyway goto grabs him by the neck and drags him off.

you’re left wondering if the public safety division are all like the S types you get in SM bars... and that includes “shusuke-san” too. you ruminate on the word “kotobazeme” and then the next line is maybe my favourite line in the entire chapter script:

“no way... do we naturally do SM play now?!”

BECAUSE HE’S ALWAYS TEASING HER AND EMBARRASSING HER VERBALLY IN BED!!!!! I KNEW IT LMAO AND IT’S ACTUALLY ONE OF MY FAVOURITE THINGS ABOUT SOMA

just as you’re realising this, you feel a tap on the shoulder. smiling as you turn around, you get a chill down your spine as you are faced with a slightly chilly 菩薩顔 bosatsu face. i have no idea how to translate this lol it’s like a buddhist thing. i guess it would be that really like... serene face?

soma: “we’re not like that”

he whispers in your ear and..... that’s the end of chapter 2.

wow that was a RIDE. i really hope you enjoyed this super long and fangirly/low quality summary! i really loved this chapter because we get to see that first night where soma was so sweet and caring and loving (although still a bit of a tease), but also we know the theme of this story which is about soma’s verbal humiliation which i’m sure you all know i just adore. and we also get to see some of soma’s moves in bed haha. i’m hoping that in the future chapters we’re going to get some more kotobazeme from soma which i’m so excited for lfakjsdlk what kinds of dirty things is he going to say!! and more importantly, what kinds of embarrassing things is he going to make YOU say?

ANYWAY this took me hours to do this lol and it’s 3am now and i’m so excited to post this and get some sleep. please reblog/like if you enjoyed. furthermore, i’ve set up a ko-fi page here and would be incredibly grateful if you would like to support me for translations and being able to purchase more routes to summarise in english! there’s one where kazuomi from masquerade kiss watches you masturbating which i really want to read and summarise/translate if i have the time/energy.

click here for chapter 3

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feuilly-cakes · 4 years

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Midnight Sun - 2.5* review

I would first like the thank the academy for getting me through this nightmare of a book. I'd also like to thank my stubborn nature for not DNFing it before it got good around the 550 mark. Overall, this book was a drag. The pacing was way off and the narration was irritating. Edward is whiny and angsty and can drag a scene out for 10 more pages than it was from Bella's perspective. The way his super vampire thought processes are described is extremely pretentious and obviously an attempt to seem cool, and to be frank, I hated every second of it. The only time these dramatics let up was during the action sequences, which are all crowded in during the last 200 pages of the book and are the only parts I actually cared about seeing from his perspective. I've been waiting for this book for 10 years so I was very much disappointed that I only enjoyed the last bit. I will be going into depth about some things I noticed, good, bad, and ugly, so beware of spoilers beyond this point if for some reason you don't already know what happened. The Interesting Bits -Edward and Alice have whole conversations without the others knowing by her thinking at him and him changing his expressions or moving slightly. I thought this was pretty smart. Edward is the lookout for his family. He's in charge of knowing public opinion and if someone suspects them to be vampires, but he's also the one to keep an eye on Jasper to make sure he's not struggling. -Edward hates Bella to begin with, especially during their first meeting. He also likes "violent music" and uses it while doing his usual angst routine. Once he gets over that, he observes Bella doing kind, selfless things that bring her out of her comfort zone, just to help others. He also wanted things with Bella he hadn't ever wanted before, and its implied in the context of the scene that this includes a physical relationship. He honestly gives me demisexual vibes and has done since I read Twilight. -Alice is the only one who is acting with empathy and consistently thinking of humans as people. "Her name is Whitney. She has a baby sister she adores." "She's Charlie Swan's only family. It would kill him, too." -Tanya is Russian. Just throwing that in there. -Jasper's brother Peter was turned in the 1940s, so Jasper was with Maria for approximately 90 years, owing to Peter being in the army at least a year and however long it took Peter to make his way back to him after leaving. Also owing to the time between Jasper leaving and finding Alice, he could only have been with the Cullens for 50 years at the most. -Humans have to put in effort to move vampires as they are very heavy. Edward moves his hand along with Bella when she wants to pick it up. Also when he jumps back he has to check to make sure he didn't rip her hands off. -Vampires feel thirst differently. Some feel fire and some feel dryness or acid. -Turning into a vampire is usually described in the books and the fandom spaces as burning, but here it's described as pain, and it packs more of a punch, makes it more real. Edward flinches when thinking about the pain and refuses to subject Bella to it. -Charlie's thoughts are very difficult to hear, and are mostly vague impressions. Renee's are extremely loud and influence those around her without anyone knowing. -My favourite part is where Jasper shines through, because he is my fave for character complexity reasons. Basically, there's a huge car chase to get to Bella at the ballet studio, Edward and Alice are doing some very cool things with their powers, but Alice sees Bella in the studio and Edward freaks out until he doesn't anymore. Jasper has been influencing them into a battle state, which is how the coolness of the scene has been going so smoothly and he can get them both back on track after each vision. He has a very tight grip on Edward's emotions, "like a fist clenched tight around [his] throat". For reference: pages 648-654 UK hardback. It's the coolest scene in the book and I forgot Carlisle and Emmett were also there. The bad/questionable -Alice sees how Bella reacts to Edward leaving her, and how messed up she gets, but he still chooses to leave her in New Moon. -Edward has this whole pages long inner monologue during the meadow scene about how many things he can think about in detail and how smart he is and how perfect his memory is. It's highly pretentious and annoying. -On page 508-509 Edward licks Bella's teardrop and dramatically monologues to himself about how he, as a vampire, can't digest or absorb water, so when Bella inevitably leaves him to become a puddle of sadness he will still have a part of her with him in the form of that tear. I'll admit I laughed, then went to go tell someone about it and laughed some more, because it's so ridiculous and I couldn't make it up if I tried. This entire section was 4 paragraphs long. -The plot hole of why the nomads can't tell Bella is human before the wind comes gets solved, and then immediately creates another plot hole. Edward disguises her heartbeat with foot tapping, and they magically can't smell her, and then Edward realises Jasper has made most of them seem very boring with his empathy powers but in a way Edward has never seen before despite being a mind reader in his head when he remembers the past. Somehow his convenient powers have never been so much as thought of in 50 years. The huge red flags: -Edward refers to Bella's classmates as "children" twice and yet he is still willing to date her, despite them being the same age as her.* -Bella asks Edward if he has multiple personality disorder because he is avoiding her and then talking to her seemingly at random.* -Bella says she is "So clumsy that [she's] almost disabled."* -Edward calls Jacob a "child" and when Bella points out he's almost the same age as her, he says he knows. This is super creepy.* -Alice stole Bella's crutch to stop her escaping when tricking her into going to prom. *These are also in Twilight, and as such have already been talked about. In conclusion, this book sucks except the last 200 or so pages. This has been the longest 2 1/2 months of my life.

#twilight #midnight sun #stephenie meyer #book blogger #twilight renaissance #Books and Literature

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hmhteen · 7 years

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HMH Teen Teaser: TIME BOMB by Joelle Charbonneau!

Tick…tick…tick…time is almost up before you new fave psychological thriller hits bookstores! If you loved ONE OF US IS LYING or THIS IS WHERE IT ENDS (and even THE BREAKFAST CLUB!) you will love this twisty turny thriller about a group of teens caught in their school when a bomb goes off. The problem? One of them is responsible. (Cue dramatic music here.)

Scroll down for an exclusive excerpt!

1:51 p. m .

“Don’t fight,” Cas said from the doorway that Frankie and Z had just disappeared through. Tears glistened in her eyes. “Can we turn the radio back on? Maybe they’ll tell us help is finally coming.”

Rashid clicked on the radio before heading over to help Tad. There was the buzz of static, then the announcer telling ev- eryone that the firefighters were making progress. The fire was contained to the west side, and they hoped to have it out soon.

“With one person of interest being questioned, authorities are now working to find another individual they have con- firmed is involved in this terrible bombing. A source confirms that the individual is one of the students trapped on the second floor of the school. With four bombs having already gone off, there appears to be one explosive device still inside the school that could detonate at any time.”

Another bomb was ready to go off, and the bomber was one of them.

Earlier Tha t Da y . . .

8:35 a.m.

D i a n a

— C h a p t e r 1 —

All you had to do was smile and wear the right clothes, and everyone would think you were special. If you appeared successful, people would automatically assume you were suc- cessful. Her parents believed that. Her father had built a career on it. They wanted her to believe it.

Diana hated that she did.

“Perception is everything, Diana,” her stepmother said so often that Diana wanted to scream. But screaming wasn’t pre- sentable. And, boy, did it make the wrong impression. This made screaming at the top of her lungs very tempting.

“Always take care to make the correct choice, Diana,” her stepmother said over and over again. “Everything you do is im- portant and reflects on your father and the positions he takes. And think about what your father’s opponents would claim if you don’t do well in school or become a leader in the activities you’re in. They’ll wonder how serious your father is about edu- cation if his own daughter doesn’t do well in school. The other side is always looking for a reason to point fingers and show that your father isn’t worthy of his position. That we aren’t worthy. So you can’t allow your grades or your attention to detail to slide, or you’ll hurt your father and, worse, you’ll hurt the work he’s trying to do.”

Diana looked down at the clothes she’d chosen for the day. After sixteen years, she knew exactly what details would be no- ticed and what people would think when they saw her.

Stylish white jeans. A tasteful pink top. But nothing too expensive, because that made people jealous. Nothing too tight, because that gave people the wrong idea. And no wrinkles. Wrinkles made people think you were lazy. No one trusts a per- son who is lazy. To get what you wanted in life, you must in- spire trust — even if you intended to break it.

Her father inspired trust with his perfectly tailored suits that were made less stuffy because he never wore a tie and al- ways left the collar open.

Folksy. Friendly. Everyone’s idea of the perfect dad and for- mer army-communications specialist who always puts his family and country first. At least that’s what people must have thought, because he got elected. He was working hard to make sure he got to keep his job for another term, and it was their family’s job — Diana’s job — to make sure she didn’t do anything wrong that could make voters question whether they wanted him back in office.

No pressure there.

“Katherine?” she yelled, knowing how much her stepmother hated raised voices. No response. She must have already gone downstairs. Dad would be in meetings already. Diana bit her lip as she reached for the gold studs Katherine gave her for her sixteenth birthday, then added the gold-cross necklace that had technically been from her father. She’d pretended not to notice when one of his aides handed him the box that he’d clearly been unaware of up until that moment.

“Little touches make all the difference,” Katherine insisted. “People notice the details.”

Yes, they did, Diana thought as she reached into her jewelry box and pulled out the ratty friendship bracelet she’d made for herself years ago, wishing she’d had someone to give it to and to get one in return from. No one ever assumed the popular girl needed to be given a gift. No one thought about whether the popular girl was lonely when she went home. Everyone as- sumed the popular girl had a million friends and a family who supported her.

Diana walked to her mirror and checked her makeup. Just enough to make her blue eyes look bigger. Nothing more, or people might question whether she was a good girl. And she was supposed to be a good girl. She ticked off her stepmother’s checklist one by one.

Good shoes. A nice home. Top grades.

Smart, respectable family tree. Perfect manners.

All signs of a strong, well-brought-up girl. A girl everyone claimed to know from school. One parents and teachers pointed to as an example to others. One who had been taught to calcu- late her appearance and demeanor down to the plain red color of her cell-phone case. One who was determined to use it all to show everyone that it was foolish to trust what someone wanted you to see.

Perfect.

And if she didn’t want to ruin her perfect image, Diana would have to get moving. Tardiness was not acceptable for a girl who was supposed to be without flaws. Tardiness implied a lack of respect for other people’s time.

Glancing at her watch, she shook her head and hurried downstairs to find her stepmother so she could get a ride to school for the yearbook meeting.

“Katherine?” she called.

No answer. Huh. Well, Katherine was probably in the back- yard making sure the staff had polished the patio furniture to a shine so that guests could be invited back to the house after the event tonight.

“Katherine?”

“Your mother went out.”

“What?” She turned and spotted her father standing next to the porch swing with his cell phone pressed to his ear. Since there was no point in correcting him about Katherine’s relation- ship to her, she simply asked, “Where?”

He put up a hand to quiet her. “Yes, I’m here, and yes, I understand there’s been some pushback, but I can’t step back from the bill, or I’ll get hammered. The press will smell blood and it’ll be over, and we all know I’m right on this. I just need one thing to tip in my favor. You have to trust me on this.”

Diana started to speak again, but before she could get a word out, her father turned his back and nodded. She would have to get in line for his attention.

“Yes. I’ll make that distinction tonight, and don’t worry. The event will be the perfect place to highlight the positive points in the bill and to take charge of the conversation. If you have other things you want to talk about, I’ll be at the office in a half-hour. Good speaking with you, too, Tim. I appreciate your dedication. We’re going to turn things around.” Finally he hung up and turned toward her.

He was wearing perfectly pressed khakis and a red polo shirt under a deep blue sports coat — relaxed authority was what her stepmother called the look. But despite the clothes, Diana didn’t think her father appeared relaxed.

“That was Tim?”

Her father nodded. “He’s worried about the negative press my Safety Through Education bill is getting.”

Tim hadn’t been on her father’s staff as long as the oth- ers, but he was smart and perceptive, which is why her father’s chief of staff hired him right out of graduate school. And even though he was younger than the rest of the staff, Diana knew Tim was right to be worried about her father’s bill. The press was calling it an invasion of privacy. The law would require that students and teachers inform the administration if they thought someone in the school might be interested in doing harm to students, teachers, or school property. Any students reported would then have to hand over their passwords to social media and email accounts or face suspension and a potential inves- tigation by federal authorities. Those who didn’t report suspi- cions before a harmful event could be charged with aiding and abetting.

Her father believed the law would turn everything in the country around and would finally do what no other laws had been able to do — make things safer. Any students interested in causing trouble would think twice about it if they knew their friends and teachers were watching them and ready to act on any suspicious activity. And by catching and circumventing threatening behavior early, there was a good chance of diverting those students toward a more positive path. Her father was cer- tain that taking action in the schools and the education system was the best way of changing the escalating pattern of violence in the country.

“Was there another bad story in the press?” Diana asked. Not everyone agreed with her father’s thoughts on how to keep the country safe. Since the unveiling of the bill, there had been phone calls and mail and huge editorials about invasion of pri- vacy and people’s differing definitions of what a “threat” to society actually was. Diana had even gotten hate mail for her father’s idea. When she had tried to talk to her father about it, he had just told her to give the mail to Tim and ignore it. That everything would work out. But when Tim had sat with her and listened to her talk about the threats she’d gotten and how people made a point of telling her they were going to vote her father out of office, Tim had admitted the backlash was concerning. If the tide of bad press and angry editorials about the potential law continued, they both agreed that it would be sunk before it ever had a chance to be tested. And her father’s career — one she had been told was necessary to make the world better — would be sunk along with it.

Was it any wonder Tim wanted to pull out all the stops to make sure her father’s event tonight got the press’s attention, or that she was willing to do whatever it took to help? It was nice to have someone finally realize that she was capable of helping, and to finally listen to her when she had an idea. And Tim had said he was glad he could run ideas by someone without having to worry about her telling the senator that his ideas were too radical or that he wasn’t up to the job.

Her father shrugged and gave her his own practiced smile. “Some of my co-sponsors are wondering if we should shelve the idea for more study, but Tim has some polling that says retreat- ing might do more harm than good. I’m not worried. Tim and the others have a plan to make this all come together.”

“If you need me —”

Her father held up his hand as the phone rang. The phone was always ringing. “I’ll catch this on my way to the office.” He looked at Diana and gave her a tense smile. “Your mother left a note for you on the counter. You can help by making sure you’re ready when she comes to pick you up. I need everything to be perfect if we’re going to turn this around.” Then, before she could say anything, her father put the phone to his ear and said, “Larry, I’m glad you called …” as he disappeared into the house.

Diana hurried after him, but he didn’t bother to look back. A minute later, Diana heard the front door slam behind him as he left before she could remind him that she needed a ride. And when she read her stepmother’s note, she knew she wasn’t going to get one from her, either.

Diana dear,

I’ll be home to pick you up at four. Wear the

blue satin dress hanging in your closet and leave

your hair down. Please be on time. Tonight is very

important to all of us.

Katherine

She stared at the letter.

Be on time.

Leave your hair down. Tonight is important.

But, clearly, driving Diana to school today was not.

She turned the bracelet on her arm again, looked at her stepmother’s words one more time, hearing each of them ring- ing in her head along with all the other things she’d said over the years.

“Keep your opinions to yourself, Diana.” Because they might differ from what she was supposed to think. And that wasn’t allowed.

“Remember that we’re counting on you.” Yes. They were.

Diana headed back upstairs to the antique toy chest in the corner of her room. Quickly, she dumped the decorative pillows and extra blanket stacked on top onto the floor, then lifted the lid. She pulled out two bags. In the side pocket of one of the bags, she found the list she’d made for herself a few weeks ago and put it in her pocket.

A quick glance at the clock told her she’d better get going or she’d be late for the yearbook meeting. Yesterday she’d moved the meeting to two hours earlier than originally scheduled. She doubted anyone would be thrilled that she’d asked them to change their plans simply to make them wait.

Diana turned, took one last look in the mirror and saw what her family wanted her to be. What she had tried so hard to pretend to be.

Perfect. Someone everyone expected to do the right thing and no one would ever suspect of doing something wrong.

Good.

Booting up her computer, she sent a quick message to Tim, telling him that she was going to school now. Then Diana care- fully picked up her bags and headed downstairs and out the door. Her father thought the only contribution he needed from her was for her to nod and smile and look flawless — like their family was supposed to be. She was determined to prove him wrong.

9:52 a.m.

R a s h i d

— C h a p t e r 2 —

“Why do you have to go to the school today?” his father asked, coming into the kitchen. Rashid had hoped to get out of the house before his father had gotten home from the hospital. So much for that idea. “Your classes do not start for another week.”

Rashid hefted the bag he had slung over his shoulder and explained, “I need a new school ID, Father.”

“What happened to your old one?” His father looked at him with a frown.

“I lost it when we were visiting with Sitto last month.” Technically, that was true. Although Rashid knew his words implied that he accidentally left his ID behind at his grand- mother’s in Palestine. “The office is open for new students to get IDs. I thought I should do it now instead of waiting until school starts.”

His father nodded, then glanced at the kitchen clock. “Will you be back by the start of Dhuhr?”

“I don’t think so.”

“I can call and see if the office will be open during the af- ternoon. If you wait, we can pray together, and then maybe you can take your sister. It would be good for her to see the school without so many people. It’ll help her get used to the idea of going there next year. You could introduce her to some of your friends.”

His sister already knew most of his friends, since they either lived nearby or went to mosque together. The others …

His father thought he understood what it was like for Rashid at school, but he had no idea. He didn’t listen. Or maybe Rashid’s cousins in Palestine were right, and it was Rashid’s fault he didn’t completely fit in, because he did not know who he was or what he wanted.

A few years ago, he would have brought his sister with him to school. But that was then. Now … so much had changed. He was different. His sister certainly was, and his friends … They all still enjoyed the comics and building robots, which held their friendships together. But Rashid could tell there were other things — like the facial hair that he had started growing earlier than anyone else in his class, and the adherence to his faith that prevented him from shaving it — that were creating an invisible wall between them.

He bit back the anger that seemed harder and harder to keep hidden and respectfully said, “Next time. I don’t know who will be there, and I don’t want her to have a bad experience.”

It was hard enough for Rashid to fit in, especially now. He didn’t want to bring Arissa. The hijab made her stand out even more than his untrimmed beard did. But Arissa didn’t seem to mind wearing it. More than once, she said that she liked the attention the hijab brought, and it helped her know exactly who her friends were. The hijab signaled who she was and that she was proud of her heritage. She said if people didn’t like it, they could just get out of her way.

Rashid wondered if it wasn’t easier for her because the hi- jab was so obvious and its meaning so clear. Since some of the other students chose to grow beards and mustaches, his own beard was sometimes interpreted as a personal choice instead of a mandate of faith. But it often raised questions he could see in people’s eyes that never got spoken aloud — not even by his friends. If he had been braver, he might just have sat down and talked to his friends about it and helped them understand. Instead, he let the silences get longer.

Now he felt he had only one option open to him.

“I should probably go now so I don’t have to stand in line all day,” Rashid said, feeling the weight of the bag pulling on his shoulder. “I will pray at school.” There were plenty of empty classrooms. Since it wasn’t a school day, he wouldn’t have to worry about people making fun of him washing in the bathroom first. “I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

His father smiled. “No need to rush. If you see people you know, you should spend time with them. You haven’t had the chance to see any of your friends this summer. The best life has balance. Maybe while you’re at school, you can see if there are any new clubs you’d like to join, although I still think you should take photos for the yearbook. The pictures you took this summer are very good.”

“I’ll look into it,” Rashid said, knowing he wouldn’t. He had other things to do. He just hoped his father would be able to understand.

“Good.” His father patted him on the arm and frowned. “Why are you taking your school bag?”

Rashid smiled to hide his nerves. “I’m bringing some note- books and comic books and a couple of other things to put in my locker so I don’t have to bring everything on the first day. I like having stuff to read in study hall.”

He also read when his friends were late for lunch, to avoid drawing the attention of some of the football players, who liked to harass him.

“Using extra time for study is always good.” His father pat- ted him on the arm again. “Do you have your Koran?”

“No,” Rashid said, shifting toward the door. “I’m leaving it here. I’ve got to go.”

“Wait a second.” His father disappeared out of the kitchen and returned holding a thick paperback that Rashid had no choice but to take. “You might be glad to have it at school with you.”

Rashid forced himself to thank his father, but he couldn’t meet his eyes as he walked out the door. He put the book in the bag and headed to school, still trying to decide if he was going to go through with his plan.

Was this really the time to draw the line in the sand?

He thought about the names he’d been called last year and how uncomfortable his non-Muslim friends looked when they pretended that they were all the same. That nothing had changed.

He wished nothing had changed. More than anything, he wanted to turn back the clock to before the beard and the sus- picion it brought into focus. Things had already been hard then, but they had been better.

Hitching the bag so that the weight was better distributed, Rashid frowned and started walking faster. If he was going to change things, he had to do it today. He only hoped that he had the courage to do what needed to be done.

9:58 a.m.

— C h a p t e r 3 —

“You’re Kicking me out?” Sweat pricked Z’s back and forehead. He should have had two more months. His mother had said they’d agreed. And now he was getting screwed.

Z turned his back on the landlord’s son. He couldn’t look at the satisfied smile on the jerk’s pimply face without wanting to deck the guy. Z felt like hitting something — everything.

“Not exactly,” Nick said. “I mean, I know my dad and your mom talked about trying to lower the rent over the sum- mer to help you out, but my dad realized that if he changed the terms of the lease for you, he’d have to do it for everyone, and you know how that goes. It’s not like my father wants to do this.”

Sure he does, Z thought. He just doesn’t want to say he wants to boot the guy who’s just lost his mother to cancer. That would make him have to admit he’s a crappy person. But that’s what he was. All Nick’s father knew was that a guaranteed rent check was dead and buried. It was time to find a new one, and to hell with anything else. Yeah — Z knew exactly how that went.

“I’m sure this is breaking your father’s heart.” Z clenched his fists and looked out the narrow window over the sink. If he closed his eyes, he could still see his mother standing there, washing dishes … when she had been well enough to do some- thing that normal.

“Hey, don’t be like that.”

“Like what?” Z turned and stared at the guy. Nick straight- ened his shoulders but took a step back, tugging at the hem of his dirty T-shirt. “Your father made a promise to my dying mom, and two weeks after she’s gone, he sends you to tell me he was just kidding.”

Nick took another step back and swallowed hard. “He’s re- ally sorry about this.”

“Sure he is.” Everyone was sorry. Z was so tired of hearing everyone tell him how damn sorry they were. Only they weren’t. But they would be. Soon. Very soon. Z unclenched his fists and turned back toward the off-white fridge that his mother had plastered with photographs. “Tell your dad not to beat himself up about it. It’s no problem, Nicky,” he added, yanking open the fridge. The cool air washed over him, helping to tamp down the anger he wanted to let break free. Despite the open windows, the apartment was sweltering.

“Hey, kid, if it was up to me, I would let you stay. I know things are tough. After everything that happened, this really sucks, but —”

“It’s fine,” Z said, grabbing a bottle of tap water out of the fridge. It wasn’t fine. There was nothing fine about being told by a twenty-seven-year-old guy who lived in his parents’ basement and had Cheetos stains on his T-shirt that you had to clear out in three weeks. Adios, boy. Don’t let the door hit your long-haired, tattooed self on the way out.

“Look, my father would like to be able to let you stay. He really liked your mom. She was a nice lady.”

“Yeah.” Z closed the fridge and looked at the photo of his mother’s happy, healthy face pressed next to his five-year-old chocolate-coated one. “She was great.”

Was.

He swallowed hard while, behind him, Nick Mansanelli said, “I could talk to my dad about having you do some work on our cars in exchange for staying in their attic. It’s not the best place, but it would give you some time to sort out whatever it is you’re going to do next. I’m sure you could use the —”

“No need.” Z would rather sleep in a ditch than become slave labor for anyone. He uncapped the cold water and took a drink. “Tell your dad pretty soon he won’t have to worry about dealing with me ever again.”

Nick took another step back and rubbed his hand against the back of his neck as he looked around. “Can I … you know … help you do anything? Do you need some boxes or tape?” Nick turned toward the living room and nodded. “You got a lot of stuff to pack up around here. Why don’t I —”

“No.” Before Nick could step into the hallway that led to the bedrooms, Z stalked forward and blocked him. “I don’t need your help.” Z didn’t need anyone.

Nick frowned. “Are you sure? I mean, it’s no prob —”

“I’m sure,” Z said as the phone in his back pocket chimed. He pulled it out and looked down at the display.

YOU OK? DID YOU HEAR FROM YOUR UNCLE IN CALIFORNIA? I’M WORRIED ABOUT YOU. PLEASE TALK TO ME.

Kaitlin.

Of all the people who said they wanted to help, she actually did. But there wasn’t much more she could do or say. She kept telling him it was okay to be angry. That it would get better if he just gave it time. They all warned him about making deci- sions too fast. Urged him to give the relatives he barely remem- bered a chance to reach out. He had to give things time.

But time wasn’t going to change the fact that his mother was dead and that everything sucked.

Kaitlin had been there for him when everyone else had bailed. Extended family. Neighbors. Teachers. He’d tried to tell her to get lost when she followed him out of the school after he’d been in detention. But she dogged him all the way to the parking lot and insisted he give her a ride home. Her mother was a nurse at the hospital where his mother got treatments. It wasn’t as if he was going to say no, but that didn’t mean he was going to talk to her. Which was probably what Kaitlin wanted, since she had plenty to say. Kaitlin had been determined to be his friend, even when he didn’t want her to be. Even when he cut school more than he bothered to go. If it hadn’t been for her, he wasn’t sure he would have made it this far.

And now he was going to cut her loose before he dragged her down. She deserved better.

Z shoved the phone into his pocket and looked back at Nick. “Look,” Z said with a deliberate sigh. “If that’s all you came here for, I’ve got to get going. There’s a teacher I have to talk to

at school, and I don’t want to miss him.”

Nick slapped Z on the shoulder. The universal sign for I want you to think I’ve got your back, even though I plan on screw- ing you the first chance I get. “Hey, no problem. I just came by to see how you were doing and make sure you didn’t need any- thing before —”

Before you chucked me to the curb. Z again clenched his hands into fists at his side, and Nick backed up a step.

Finally, the guy turned toward the front door and said, “Hey, make sure to take care of yourself. And give them hell at that school. I never liked it much anyway.”

At last, one thing they could agree on.

Z chugged the water, then headed down the hall toward his room to grab his father’s old army duffle and the letter that had arrived last week. His cell phone chimed as he was slinging the bag onto his shoulders, but he ignored it. He had things to do.

In the kitchen, he grabbed the picture of him and Mom and slid it next to his phone. He then walked out of the apartment. No need to lock the door. If someone wanted to clear the rest out, let them. He was going to school, and he wasn’t coming back.

***

The tension is killing us! If you want to dive deeper into the mysterious world of TIME BOMB, you can pre-order it at one of the links below!

Amazon Barnes & Noble Books-a-MillionHudson IndieBound Powell’s Target

#hmhteen #hmh teen #thetesting #the testing #the testing trilogy #testingtrilogy #amreading #am reading #books #excerpt #excerpts

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no-literally · 7 years

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THINGS I HAD TO LEARN THE HARD WAY ABOUT STUART ALAN JONES (a queer as folk uk meta)

good-enough-for-me said: What did @checkersandbalances do to make you like Stuart even more? ;)

WHAT DIDN’T SHE DO. omg. ahem. I first watched Queer as Folk UK in college and adored it, I’ve shouted “Vince is my favorite” from every hilltop (I’m dramatic that way) but I didn’t feel any need to do deep analysis and hadn’t thought about it too much since then.

And then I SOMEHOW drew checkersandbalances down the rabbit hole with me. We’d met as Sherlock fans, so I knew hard-core obsession (and long-winded meta!) was in our nature. But a funny thing happened: as much as I shouted about Vince, as loudly as I wanted to sympathize with every one of his bad choices, as much as my heart went to him...checkersandbalances felt the same way about Stuart.

Like, I hope you all have the life-changing experience of having a fellow friend/fan love another character in your favorite show as much as you love your fave in that show. Suddenly we started getting into fights about Stuart’s motivations; checkersandbalances was usually right. And suddenly Stuart moments that were mildly humorous to me became outright hilarious. And suddenly, inspired by about a trillion capslock texts, I started writing meta. So here’s a rundown of what I gained, complete with some links to the meta it inspired.

Stuart’s A Good Man:

Okay, so obviously I KNEW Stuart is a good person, or I’d never have shipped him with my baby AKA Vince (and I ship them SO HARD). But. Like. I sent checkersandbalances a LOT of texts early on that implied Stuart is incredibly selfish. Or rather, she’d be like, “Stuart’s got good intentions here” and I’d text back “YOU SURE??? PROVE IT” but probably more subtly because I knew she loved Stuart. Here’s the thing: she was right, every time. Some key moments when I underestimated Stuart:

STUART’S STRUGGLING WITH GRIEF IN THE FUNERAL EPISODE (e4).

I saw this through Vince’s eyes the first few viewings. I thought Stuart was saying rude things about Phil because Stuart likes bragging that much. Um. Nope. Wrong. Stuart is trying to distance himself and Vince from Phil as much as possible, to reassure himself that they’ll never die in the way Phil did. Turns out its a valid fear. Vince assumes Stuart’s story means he’d sleep with anyone besides Vince--but Stuart’s trying to show that he sets Vince apart. (Also, that time Stuart calls Vince good-looking? Not a joke.)

STUART’S WORRIED ABOUT VINCE’S SELF-ESTEEM.

In episode 5, Vince goes on his first date with Cameron and comes back mad that Cameron didn’t try to sleep with him on date one. It’s how we get Stuart’s AMAZING line, “Vince, is it so hard to believe that someone fancies you?” (YES, YES IT IS STUART, WHICH IS WHY VINCE PICKS UP NONE OF YOUR SIGNALS IN SEASON TWO EVEN WHEN ONE OF YOUR SIGNALS IS INVITING VINCE TO A THREESOME, omg.) Vince picks up a meaningless (and awful!) shag rather than deal with his self-steem issues, and we see Stuart watching Vince, upset. This moment (and Stuart trying to convince Vince he’s good looking post-funeral last episode) is HUGE because it lays the groundwork for Vince’s bday in e7, where Stuart tries to manipulate Vince to leave him because he believes it will be better for Vince’s self-esteem. I don’t even remember what I thought the first time I watched the e5 scene, because it was so clearly wrong that I don’t even have space in my head for it now that I understand what is actually happening and how important it is.

STUART KNOWS AND ALSO DOESN’T CARE (AT ALL) THAT VINCE HAS A “SMALL AND TINY WORLD.”

Unfortunately, I do remember my first impression of this scene. The s1e8 “Good Enough for Me” scene is probably my favorite scene EVER, and I knew that Stuart was demonstrating his love for Vince by naming all the Doctor Who actors. But I thought,for sure, that Stuart believed Vince’s world was too small for Stuart’s goals. He tries to run off to London at the end of the show, after all! When Vince is like “please get lunch with me again” and Stuart turns him down with that conflicted look, I thought that was a SURE sign Stuart was trying to discourage Vince’s romantic attraction because Stuart couldn’t return it. But, um. NOPE. Please enjoy/feel your heart break at this original script excerpt:

“IF IT GOES ANY FURTHER, HE’LL PULL VINCE TO HIS SIDE,” the script says, and Stuart thinks this BEFORE he tells Vince that Vince doesn’t fit in his world. So OF COURSE Stuart still wants to include Vince--he just thinks that if he doesn’t distance himself from Vince now, Vince will never find his self-esteem and flourish on his own. (As if Stuart would EVER be upset that Vince follows him around, blatantly in love. Stuart doesn’t want Vince to lie to people and say they’re dating (see: s2 wedding episode) but boy does he sure enjoy kissing and slow-dancing with Vince about 5 seconds later in that same scene.)

STUART IS A TOTAL MESS OVER VINCE BY THE END OF S2.

Like, obviously I spotted Stuart’s breakdown during his fight with Vince (Adian Gillen, way to be the Best Actor Ever, damn) but I had failed to appreciate a whole bunch of moments where Stuart is struggling so much in s2 with his feelings around Vince, and how to stay friends/something more with Vince. There are a lot (here are more) but I’d like to take this particular opportunity to remind you that Stuart hoped Vince would join him on a balcony at a wedding in the evening while a romantic song played in the background. (Also, that the music that plays, encapsulating Stuart’s emotions, is a love song about how madly in love with someone the singer is, even though it’s a difficult feeling. And that right after the song ends Stuart asks Vince to slow-dance with him for the first time ever; WHAT A GREAT SEQUENCE.)

STUART IS A FUCKING NERD. (AND ADORABLY SO!)

If his utter enchantment with Vince’s Doctor Who obsession isn’t enough (it’s enough! it’s so good!!), please recall in s2 when he welcomes the police into his apartment and goes through his cabinet of, like, every issue of Attitude and Gay magazine ever published to pull out some magazines for his coffee table. Like, I get that he was performing his sexuality to make him seem more innocent to the police, or whatever. That doesn’t negate the fact that he has a perfectly curated cabinet of every issue of attitude and gay magazine he’s ever received. You know he started that collection the moment they started publishing Gay Times in 1984, right? It’s my headcanon that Stuart is an expert on queer history, he cares about this stuff SO MUCH, and no one can convince me otherwise.

Stuart’s Unintentionally Hilarious

Once you understand that Stuart’s motivations come from a good, flawed, even awkward place (because he’s in an emotional place of rapid growth around his relationship with Vince) the experience of being a Stuart fan becomes a lot of more fun. Because, um, those who don’t yet grasp his emotions kinda think he’s like Satan? (Not my language!) And that’s delightful in part because Stuart would love being seen as all-powerful SO. MUCH.

tl;dr: I loved this show a lot, but @checkersandbalances made me love it 1000x more because now I better understand her fave, Stuart Alan Jones.

[even more QAF UK meta]

#this has been a casual love letter #about #qaf uk #stuart alan jones #origin story #queer as folk uk #stuart x vince #meta #my words #vince tyler

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