#some weird amalgamation of the three versions of him I have

[sketchpepper]

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[rallamajoop]

On the Backgrounds and Ages of the Four Lords

So, as previously mentioned, I've gotten a bit fixated on puzzling out all the (admittedly limited) clues we get about the backstories of the four lords. Who joined the family when? How old were they? Were they all from noble families? There isn't a lot of hard info, but the tidbits we get provide some interesting clues.

This is all likely to get a bit tl;dr, so have the short version up front:

Dimitrescu and her daughters all joined Miranda's family sometime between 1920 and 1958 (though probably not at the same time). Dimitrescu was 44 years old.

Heisenberg joined the family sometime after Dimitrescu ‒ probably much later (he may even be younger than her daughters).

Donna joined the family sometime after 1996, probably in her late teens/early twenties (and is definitely younger than Dimitrescu's daughters).

Moreau could have joined any time from 1920 onwards; there's not much to go on.

And there's a surprisingly good case to be made that none of them may be really descended from village's legendary 'four founders'. (But believe me, I've found so much more to talk about than just that.)

On the lords' ages

So, there’s this widespread idea that Heisenberg (and presumably the other lords) were only children when Miranda began her experiments on them. Personally, I don’t think this adds up. I’d assume it comes from Heisenberg’s statements to the effect of ‘she took us to be her children’ etc, (and maybe Dimitrescu’s dismissal of him as ‘but a child’) – though he never does say, ‘we were only children’, just that Miranda had treated them that way.

What little information we do have about the lords pre-experimentation all points towards their being taken as adults – Dimitrescu and Donna being the two we know the most about. Miranda’s notes on ‘experiment 181’ gives ‘Alcina D’s age at the time of cadou implantation as a thoroughly mature 44 (notably, other test subjects mentioned in the same document are also 20+).

We don’t have as exact an age for when Donna was adopted by Miranda, but in discussing the event, the gardener’s diary at the Beneviento’s household does say she’s been an outsider ‘ever since childhood’ – ergo, childhood is in her past. Granted, childhood may not be all that far behind her, if being adopted by someone like Miranda isn’t too weird, but late teens/early twenties would fit – and tracks with how she looks too.

Also worth noting is that Dimitrescu’s three ‘daughters’ have remained ‘children’ since at least 1958. They don’t look all that much younger than Donna, but they do add some supporting evidence to suggest that cadou implantation functionally freezes you at that age indefinitely. Now, as amalgamations of monstrous flies masquerading in humanoid shape, it's quite possible the Dimitrescu daughters are outliers even in Miranda’s twisted family, but I think the point still stands: everything points to Dimitrescu and Heisenberg being their full-grown, middle-aged selves long before Miranda ever got her hands on them.

What year each of the four lords joined Miranda’s family is the more interesting question – the dates we’ve got may be more spread out than you'd think.

Miranda

Miranda’s own encounter with the megamycete is the one we have the most concrete info on: it occurred shortly after her daughter’s death in the Spanish Flu outbreak a hundred years ago, so presumably 1919 or 1920. Images during the game’s credits show a little of the village’s history as Miranda began experimenting on the villagers, presumably soon afterwards, given the epidemic still seems to be in action.

How soon she began her cadou experiments isn’t clear, but was certainly by the 1950s at the very latest.

Lady Dimitrescu (and family)

Lady Dimitrescu is one we have a loose date on: from the maid’s diary we know that both she and her daughters were well-established in the castle by 1958. She may well be the oldest of the four lords. Miranda lists "Alcina D" as her 181st subject – experimentation had clearly been going for a good while by that point. As noted above, she was 44 years old.

Considering how effortlessly she inhabits her role, and considering what we're told about the village's four noble families, it's no surprise that Miranda records "Alcina D" as being of "noble descent." That she carries a 'hereditary blood disease' (presumably hemophilia: famously common in European nobility due to inbreeding) only adds to the picture.

So it is surprising that Miranda goes on to note that she's "not from the village," and Dimitrescu's own diary states that Miranda gave her the castle and her daughters (much as Moreau talks about being ‘given’ his mountain). Even the winemaking notes vaguely allude to the castle having previous occupants (implied: not the Dimitrescu family).

The original Japanese version of Miranda's experiment notes provides one interesting clue: here "Alcina D" isn't just 'of noble descent', but specifically descended from a fallen noble ‒ a detail which begins to paint an interesting picture. It's hard to imagine Miranda doing many experiments on outsiders from wealthy families, whose disappearance could raise difficult questions. But a former aristocrat fallen on hard times (and suffering from hemophilia to boot) might even be prepared to volunteer for Miranda's 'treatments', if given the hope of having her health and fortune restored. So Lady D certainly comes from privilege, but perhaps from somewhat further afield than you might think.

There’s a fan theory that Lady Dimitrescu was in fact the same jazz singer pictured on the cover of a CD you can find in Ethan and Mia’s home, by a band called ‘Lady D and the Pallboys’. And while I think people treating it as definitive canon are getting carried away by what’s more of an easter-egg at best, it's not impossible. A younger Alcina might well have had to work to support herself in the years before meeting Miranda.

The bit about being ‘given’ her daughters seems to hold water too. Though Lady Dimitrescu clearly took many cadou research subjects from her own servants, it may have been Miranda who performed the experiment that created her daughters: she's the one featured in the photo in the book detailing their creation, and the text sounds far more like her voice than Dimitrescu’s.

There's some conflicting info about how much control Lady D has over her transformation into her mutated form. In game, she transforms only after being stabbed with a poisoned dagger, and it doesn't seem that voluntary ‒ in one voice line, she declares that only Miranda has ever seen that form before. So it's odd that Miranda describes her as having 'arbitrary control' over body transformation in her notes on Subject 181 ‒ only to later speculate that "if the subject's regeneration is not properly balanced then she may mutate uncontrollably" in the report from her lab at the end of the game, which suggests no control at all.

This is another detail that does add up a little better in the original Japanese, which may be closer to, "There is also concern that cell division will not be controlled if the metabolic balance is disrupted by poisonous substances" ‒ the speculation there is specifically about poison making her vulnerable, or making her lose control (which it certainly does in game).

Whatever her history, the name 'Dimitrescu' is apparently the one genuine Romanian surname among the lords. Etymologies suggest it may be related to the Greek Demeter, the goddess of spring, whose grief at the loss of her own daughter plunged the whole world into an endless winter ‒ so definitely some interesting thematic parallels there.

Donna Beneviento

Up the far opposite end of the scale, we have Donna Beneviento – almost certainly the youngest of the four lords. We don’t have a hard date for Donna either, but it was clearly after 1996 (and incredibly, there’s a case to be made that it may have been as recent as 2017). But see my other post for (much) more on the mysterious Beneviento family.

Still, even if "the four lords" have been around for much longer than 25 years, how do we know it was always the same four? Maybe Heisenberg wasn't the first to rebel.

The name ‘Beneviento’ sounds Italian (as does 'Donna'), but doesn’t seem to be a genuine Italian name. Possibly ‘Benevento’ is what they were aping.

Karl Heisenberg

Heisenberg gives us much less to go on. He alludes to having spent ‘decades’ as Miranda’s ‘son’ (so, let’s assume he can't have joined the family more recently than the 90’s at the very latest). Dimitrescu dismisses him as ‘but a child’, which does suggest he’s a lot younger than her. Given that Dimitrescu’s daughters joined the family before 1958, and that Miranda was still completing her little family as recently as 1996, this makes it entirely possible that Heisenberg is actually younger than little Bela, Cassandra and Daniela. Which certainly puts a different spin on that ‘but a child’ line – never mind that that man is over 40 if he’s a day old.

The dog tag Heisenberg wears is potentially significant, but not very specific. The shape and design matches German dog tags which came in during WWI, and were still in use through WWII and presumably beyond. Modern designs differ, but it's hard to find good info on when that shape fell out of use. Mind you, I've seen Romanian dog tags of the same shape too ‒ it seems to have been widely used. So this may well hint that Heisenberg served in the military somewhere, somewhen, but it could also have belonged to a friend or family member. The other objects he wears are a compass and a scale, FWIW.

Interestingly, a couple of tidbits from the Japanese game text strongly suggest Heisenberg’s ‘lordly’ status is little more than fiction. It’s not just that Dimitrescu dismisses him as ‘riffraff’ in her diary (though this, too, is stronger in Japanese, where he’s more specifically ‘of low blood’). What's more interesting is that Heisenberg’s own diary echoes the same idea.

Where in English it reads "I was just lucky I had more affinity to the stuff than the other poor shmucks in the village" there’s a preceding clause in the Japanese version (貴族なんて身分も) that seems to mock the idea of his ‘aristocratic’ status. This one being a little beyond my own fangirl Japanese, I threw it to my sister (the one who actually spent a year in Japan), and she suggested something more like, ‘Aristocrats? Status? Hah! We just happened to have better compatibility than regular villagers, that's it.’ Neither of us are super-fluent speakers, but the implication Heisenberg’s called a ‘lord’ only because he happened to survive Miranda’s experiments still comes through.

Heisenberg is, of course, a German name – obviously taken from the theoretical physicist Werner Karl Heisenberg, of uncertainty principle fame, which also ties in with the character’s mad science theme.

Salvatore Moreau

Which brings us to Moreau, at which point I can only really give up. He could be as young as Donna or as old as Dimitrescu ‒ there’s next to nothing to hint at how long he’s been around. We know he’s responsible for creating the first varcolac, and that he had at least one assistant at some point, but the latter did not survive the creation of the former.

That ‘Moreau’s clinic’ sign (complete with picture of a syringe) may hint that he had some past career as a doctor – or it may just be pointing to wherever he ran his experiments on unwitting villagers. Still, the fact it’s so much nicer that the roughly-written sign pointing to his new mountain laboratory does suggest it might be a relic from an earlier life.

In addition to the big 'Mother' tattoo with the jellyfish, anyone paying really close attention might also spot a faint anchor tattoo on his forearm, and a rather cute fish tattoo on the underside. This may all hint at a nautical background, or they could just be your basic fish man = sailor tattoos association.

Speaking of Moreau, given the general hostility that characterises Miranda’s family, it’s surprising the one and only positive interaction between any of them comes from Moreau’s diary. According to Moreau, Heisenberg comforted him about his place in the family, telling him they were each given a flask because they were all needed at the ceremony. Maybe this came out more sneering in person, but given how Heisenberg later dismisses Moreau as ‘that moronic freak’, it’s surprisingly nice of him to bother – even with what he presumably knew was no more than a comforting lie.

Although Miranda's notes describe him as being unable to control his transformation into his giant fish form, it's notable that Moreau is the only character we do see shift back into human form after he first appears transformed. That said, the rest of his behaviour does suggest his control is somewhat limited (and even that Miranda may be manipulating him remotely).

The name ‘Moreau’ comes of course from The Island of Doctor Moreau, famed for creating animal-human hybrids (who likewise had difficulty controlling their animal sides). But it’s also a real French name ‒ apparently one that originated as a nickname for someone with dark skin (from 'more').

A bit more on those lordships

How legit the nobility of the ‘four lords’ is supposed to be is an interesting question. By fairy tale video game logic, it’s only natural that Miranda’s four most successful experiments should represent the four noble families of the region: the ceremony site features four giant statues, you can collect relics that mention the village’s four founders, etc.

But in practice, only Dimitrescu is really referred to as ‘Lady Dimitrescu’, or any other title (if you're paying really close attention, you might catch the Duke referring to 'Lord Heisenberg' and 'Lord Moreau' when you sell him their remains, but in his introductory spiel, it's only Dimitrescu who gets any honours). Donna at least comes from a family rich enough to have a gardener, but Heisenberg and Moreau live in a factory and a dam: not especially 'noble'.

Stranger still, the names on those relics belonging to the 'four founders' aren’t Dimitrescu, Beneviento, Heisenberg and Moreau, they’re Berengario, Cesare, Guglielmo and Father Nichola. Now, these could be first names rather than family names (all seem to exist as both), but they're also all Italian, which makes for an odd combination the French, German and Romanian surnames of the 'lords' we meet in the game. You can find the current lords' names carved in stone in the wall of one of the caves (pictured above) ‒ but just because it's carved in stone doesn't have to mean it's been there forever.

Throw in the fact that Dimitrescu is apparently not from the village, and how Heisenberg mocks the idea of himself as any kind of lord, comparing himself to the 'other poor schmucks in the village', and the whole idea that any of these four are legitimately descended from those founders starts to look pretty suss.

It seems to be a popular theory that Heisenberg at least (and potentially Moreau too) was simply random experimental subjects that Miranda renamed in honour of region’s one-time noble families, raising them to lordly status to support her own legitimacy. But if those old relics are to be believed (to say nothing of the experiment report for 'Alcina D'), I'd actually go a step further and suggest maybe she didn’t even bother renaming anyone. After all, if Mother Miranda declares that the four great houses of the village are (and always were) Dimitrescu, Heisenberg, Beneviento and Moreau, who'd dare contradict her?

On Miranda's filing system

Near the very end of the game, when Chris explores Miranda’s laboratory, we find four books containing her research notes on the four lords. Now, I am absolutely reaching with at this point, but I can’t help wonder if the order of these four books might just be significant – the order in which those four experiments took place, perhaps?

True, the books are lying on the table, rather than filed neatly in order in the bookshelf – but they’re not in the order you fight the four lords (the sequence those symbols appear in elsewhere). Donna’s is the last of the four, which would be consistent with her being the youngest. And Heisenberg’s is to the right of Dimitrescu’s, which tracks with him being younger than her.

So it’s interesting that the first in the set isn’t Dimitrescu’s (as I’ve already speculated above), but Moreau’s. Lady D is second, Heisenberg third, and Donna last. So could Moreau be the eldest sibling? He doesn’t carry anything like Dimitrescu's authority, but there is a certain twisted logic to the idea the hideously deformed Moreau may have been one of Miranda’s earliest experiments. And there's a compelling tragedy to the idea of him as Miranda’s first son, supplanted and outdone by each new sibling to follow him as the years went on.

(Or, you know, Miranda might just have left those four books lying around at random, the order meaning nothing at all. It’s all speculation down here.)

The Duke

No discussion of the four lords would be entirely complete without touching on the fact the Duke was at one point intended to be the fifth lord of the village. Between his name, the fact he's got some sort of weird powers, and has obviously been involved in all the weirdness around the village for a long time, this is hardly surprising.

So it's a little disappointing that the fact that he "was going to be the fifth lord" is pretty much all the notes that come with his artwork will tell us on the subject.

His villainous role in the Shadows of Rose DLC logically should have been a big clue here, but if anything, the Masked Duke only muddies the waters. Miranda's notes on the subject tell us he's merely a twisted copy of "a man I once knew." Which doesn't exactly suggest he was ever one of her experiments, let alone one of her 'lords'.

Either way, the owl crest that can be glimpsed in the background of Duke's shop (above left) and in his carriage (above right) is exactly the kind of throwaway detail that could fuel years of fan speculation. The carriage version bears the text "L'argent defend le droit" (apparently French for 'Money defends the right/the law'), which is certainly fitting.

But the text on the shop background (as near as anyone can make out) reads "The Right Honourable Lady Carolyn Margaret Divine" ‒ a reference to nothing and no-one any RE fan has been able to identify. It could be a reference to material that got cut. It could be a vital clue to a future RE title. Or they could just be fucking with us at this point.

Aaand that about wraps it up for the four lords.

As I said back on my original Donna post, I really don't think there are any definitive answers to the RE: Village timeline. If you'd prefer to headcanon that the Moreaus were once the village's most respected founding family or that the Dimitrescus have lived in that castle for generations, knock yourselves out ‒ there's nothing in the game to say they couldn't have been. Half the stuff that seems to add up one way or the other may be just a happy accident. But the clues still we get fascinate me, and coming up with theories that could fit all the little details hidden in documents and optional dialogue is exactly the kind of challenge I'm here for.

[lennsart]

Okay The Dark™ has intrigued me, enlighten me my friend ~

Ooooh so this one is a bit harder to talk about because it is in my wips, but it's not really a story ! It kind of gathers all of my ideas around Dark Link and how I present him in my fics. It's a lot of vibes, and some things that I thought way too much about njfenjejnejez

So here's the gist of it :

- Dark Link isn't one specific Link's shadow. I like the headcanon that he is Time's, but here, he is more of a dark reflection of the Hero's Spirit as a whole.

- This idea is kind of weird (and hard to grasp), but he's both younger and older than every hero. He started to exist recently, but he kind of exists outside of time and space's borders. He has witnessed every hero's quest and knows where his predecessors failed.

- He can change his appearance to look like the heroes, and also to look like a "dark version" of them. And when he does that, depending on who's face he's wearing, he has fun lil powers !

I'm not a 100% sure for these powers, because some of them aren't really related to the hero... Some of them are there as a placeholder until I have a better idea (unless I don't dskkskdkdskds)

But for now, here's what I have :

Four : clones (like Shadow Link do in some of his battles, but also in reference to the Four Sword of course)

Sky : lightnings (like Demise & Sky during the final battle)

Hyrule : puppetering, as in taking control of his adversary for a little time (not really a reference, but since Hyrule has the most magic out of them all I wanted Dark Link to take his face for something a little overpowered lmao)

Legend : mind diving (kind of a reference to Link's awakening in that you spend a lot of time in Legend's head ? I'm not sure about this one)

Twilight : portals, like teleportation (like the way you warp in game)

And for the last four ones, elemental magic

Wind : wind power (it seemed obvious, also one of Wind's power in game)

Warriors : fire (because war -> violence -> fire, but also Volga)

Wild : water (kind of a reference to the shrine of resurrection and Mipha's powers, but also very much a placeholder)

Time : earth/plants ? (because Kokiri forest ? Definitely a placeholder)

I know it would be criminal to not give Time, well, time-based powers, but it felt weird to have only three element out of four ? But also maybe earth would fit Wild more. I have to think about it, up until now when I tried to write fights I avoided using these powers at all fgjkjfdkfdkf

And now that I'm laying this down, I see that I had a pretty good theme of using the villain's powers in game and I just... Kind of dropped it ? Like Demise, Shadow, Volga, and then Time's here with plants lmao

I have to think more about it ! But as you can see, the goal is to have Dark Link be the worst threat every heroes have faced.

- One thing that I like to use is the fact that Dark Link is "fueled" by negative feelings. The more tension there is within the Chain, the more powerful he is.

In the dreaded "Bitch are u okay" wip that I talked about earlier, he more specifically feeds off of "the hatred of a hero for a hero/the hero's spirit". Which means, if two Links hate each other, that's nice for him, but if someone hates themselves, that's perfect as well !

And, as I put it in my notes and made myself snort re-reading them, "he can be nerfed by the power of ✨therapy✨". Which means, if the heroes are honest with each other and a good team, he'll be less powerful. But he knows that and they don't :0 so he'll try to turn them against each other !

- Last but not least, I referred to him as "he" in all this post for clarity, but in most of my wips he has pronouns 💅!

Mostly 'it', sometimes 'they' and sometimes 'he' !

Basically, I used him when I need a powerful antagonist, for fights but also in fics that are more centered around feelings and stuff ! He is both an amalgamation of the worst things in LoZ's bad guys, and occasionally, a (not really well hidden) representation of mental illness.

It's been a while since I've written anything with those ideas though, but seeing them written down makes me want a Dark Link come back in my stories lmao

[grassbreads]

Hi!! For the wip title tag game, can I know more about the XP and ZY mortality oneshot, Retrospective and Epilogue Dirkjake :>

Hi hi!! Thanks for the ask 😁 (context). I hope you're ready for three wildly disparate fics.

XP and ZX mortality oneshot

This is my current Tai Sui gen fic WIP! It's set during the extras, just a few years before Zhi Xiu passes away. It's about Zhi Xiu getting snowed in during an uncommonly severe winter on Flying Jade Peak and considering what he wants to do with the last bit of his life while Xi Ping feels Extremely Fine and Good and Normal about the guy he's lived with for a century finally getting truly old. It's a mix of lighthearted shenanigans, Extras-standard somber contemplations of mortality, and Zhi Xiu forcing Shiyong to confront his emotions for once in his goddamn life.

I've only actually written about 600 words of this one, and it's still untitled, but I have a plan for what the rest will be and I'm fairly excited about it :).

Retrospective

I think I've mentioned on this blog before that I have a long MXTX crossover WIP that I expect to never finish or publish and work on once in a while solely for my own self-indulgent joy. This is that. It's about all three MXTX leading couples (plus Moshang) being pulled into a crossover by the System and having to watch back their own life stories together. I love a good MXTX crossover, and I love fics where the protags that never tell anyone anything get their trauma secrets spilled involuntarily, so this is just me doing both of those at once.

It's written from SQQ's pov of course. For maximum chaos. It's also the origin of these jokes.

Epilogue (pre-meat) Dirkjake

This is another currently untitled oneshot WIP, this time based around the Homestuck Epilogues. It's about Dirk and Jake's final doomed hookup that we know took place sometime before the start of the epilogues proper. I'm unsure how much sex scene I'm actually going to include, as it's mostly about Dirk's mindset and how weird it is to navigate romantic and sexual feelings when you're halfway into becoming an amalgamation of every version of yourself across all realities (and most of those versions absolutely fucking suck). It's also about the absolutely unhinged morning after argument.

I don't know how familiar you are with Homestuck Ririn, but here's a small modicum of context for the insane relationship I'm talking about.

Since it's a crapshoot as to if/when any of this will get published, I'll go ahead and throw the whole short WIP of the Tai Sui fic under the cut, as well as smaller excerpts from the other two. Hope this has been interesting :)

Retrospective

Before Shen Qingqiu could react out loud, the man in red spoke up for the first time, his voice tinged with a teasing lilt.  “We have a king in our presence? What place in the North might you be from that I’ve never heard of you?” This San Lang really couldn’t have been more draped in red flags if he tried. “San Lang” obviously wasn’t his real name, and he’d stood impassive and uncaring through the whole process of introductions only to speak in such a way at the very end. A bad attitude to rival Mobei-Jun’s! Furthermore, even though he’d been introduced without formal name or title, he was obviously someone of some import. His boots and collar were draped in fine decorative silver, the sleek vambraces on his arms were hammered with intricate designs, and his whole bearing dripped the obnoxious confidence of someone used to being in charge. Plus, in terms of red flags, he was even wearing literal bright red! And to top it off, though his aura didn’t quite seem like that of a demon, there was obviously something off about him in some ineffable way. His energy was dark. Too dark! Wasn’t it a bit cliché to give the obviously evil guy a fucking eyepatch?

And another excerpt just for funzies:

Shen Qingqiu’s nose curled involuntarily. The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System? Seriously? Was that what the newly maidenly Luo Binghe’s story had been retitled to?? He hadn’t thought it could get worse than the trope-tastic Proud Immortal Demon Way, but that title was seriously pushing the boundaries of what could be considered literature.  Plus, why the hell did it put so much of the emphasis on him?? Wasn’t he the scum villain? And wasn’t the one the system had self-saved? Give the protagonist his due, would you? At least Airplane’s original title had known who to shine the spotlight on.  The sound of a clearing throat caught his attention then, and he turned around to see Shang Qinghua transparently trying to catch his eye as he spoke up.  “Is that voice seriously trying to imply that we’re all characters from novels?” That idiot. 

The Untitled Dirkjake Oneshot

The last time you hook up with Jake, you’re already more amalgamate than person.  Sex is a strange thing when you’re no longer limited to awareness of just yourself. It’s a strange thing when you can’t stop feeling the convictions of the parts of you that are thirteen years old forever and a computer, or the part of you that’s part computer and fused with two trolls and a cherub and squatting in the body of a cueball-headed puppet. Did Doc Scratch have a dick? You feel a flicker of Scratch-flavored derision every time you consider doing so much as jerking off, so you’re leaning towards no, but you’re not ready to cross that question off the list just yet.  Vague self-disgust and derision doesn’t actually stop you from jacking off, of course, but you’re definitely doing it less frequently. Who has time to crank one out when you’re busy realizing that the entire reality you inhabit is nothing more than a grand narrative made to entertain some unfathomable outside audience? Even focusing on the voyeurism angle can’t quite keep your stallions running in the middle of that dark night of the soul.  Point being, when Jake pins you to the mat and gets a hand around your throat on live TV one night, you’re more than a little pent up, not to mention more than a little out of sorts. You’re still in the thick of your ascension, undecided whether RUMBLE IN DA PUMPKIN PATCH will help or hurt Jake’s influence on Jane’s presidential campaign and even more undecided as to whether her campaign even fucking matters in the slightest. You’re distracted, not really giving it your all, so he gets you down in a way you rarely let him, even when you’re playing heel. 

The Untitled Tai Sui Oneshot

One hundred and two years after the advent of the spiritual energy prohibition, an uncommonly harsh winter struck Flying Jade Peak.  The Xuanyin Mountains’ spiritual energy had melted away by then, dissipating back into the veins of the earth and leaving the once eternally snow-bound peak no colder than any other peak throughout Great Wan. Its ground was lush with grass in the summer, and auspicious animals gathered around many planted beds of peonies and wine ingredients whenever the sun was high. A certain shifu had taken to forcing his disciple out to plant as punishment whenever he felt too sore to beat him, which ensured the gardens were tended frequently and well.  That winter, however, returned the verdant peak to its condition of endless blinding white and bitter cold. Even the mundane atmosphere, unburdened by any heavenly commandments’ meddling, could inflict a deep freeze to suit a sword cultivator sometimes.  Stymied for the first time by his aging body’s inability to endure such frigid cold, the peak master of Flying Jade Peak found himself with rather more free time than he knew what to do with as he was snowed in. His elder disciple, the consummate master of finding ways to waste time with nonsense, took up filling his shifu’s schedule as his new mission in life, and he saw to this charge more attentively than he’d ever seen to any of his lessons.  “Shifu! I brought you more rebirth berries from Southern He!” “Shifu, did you know Northern Li has started publishing a gossip column staffed entirely by sword cultivators?” “But Shifu, don’t you want to see the new moving picture they made about Yu Chang? I can recreate the theater in the Law Breaker, so we wouldn’t even need to go outside.” The honorable General Zhi’s hand twitched where it held the Sword that Mended the Heavens. “As I said, I’m behind on practice. A replica of the sword platform would be fine.”  “Bah, don’t you want to do something we can do together?”  Zhi Xiu smiled at his good-for-nothing student.  “My disciple would be welcome to join me in practicing the sword.” Xi Ping grimaced, but for once he didn’t flee immediately at the threat of hard work. Instead, he whined, “What good is practicing the sword? It’s not like I ever used a real sword to copy your sword moves, and I’m not about to start now, so it’s no good practicing with spiritual energy prohibited.” “The fact you still dare to say these things is a sign that I have spoiled you irreparably. The sword platform, please.”  “And if I am unfilial and refuse?”  Zhi Xiu reached over and flicked him in the forehead.  “Scoundrel. How can you treat your elderly shifu this way?” “Isn’t it because you’re elderly that I think you should do something better with your time than practice swordsmanship in the Law Breaker all day?” “And you think a moving picture about an acquaintance of yours is a better use of my time?” “It doesn’t have to be the movie! I just think we can find something better to do than slashing at nothing in a rotten bracelet for eight hours straight.”  Zhi Xiu reached out instinctively to hit his disciple with Zhaoting’s hilt until he made way, but something caught and stopped him before he could finish the motion. Xi Ping’s eyes, for all his flippant discourtesy, did seem to have something sincere and pleading tucked away in them, and suddenly the old sword master couldn’t bear to disappoint the request for a day spent with him. “Four hours,” he said. “You practice with me—serious practice—for four hours, and we can do something else together afterwards.”

[telemna-hyelle]

❤️ 👻 🎁? -Sky Floor

❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?

But he didn’t act soon enough. As tears began streaming down Red’s face, he gave Legend one last shake and screamed, “WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CHILDREN?”

It's gotta be this one. The reactions were glorious

👻 What is your wildest headcanon?

.........

that fi and ghirahim are the parents of hyrule and lorule's version of the picori sword

🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share?

“Why’d you do that?” He yelled, and everyone froze. An uncomfortable aura settled onto the other heroes, most of the desperately wishing to not be here at the moment, but Legend—Legend looked stricken, nearly paler than he had been with sword through his middle.

The veteran opened his mouth, but Wind cut him off, sailing full speed ahead, ignoring the shaking and tears and his voice cracking on every third word. “I thought this was over, and that you all saw me a-as a hero just like you, a—and I can take care of myself¸ but y-you’ve starting acting all weird  since we left my Hyrule and I s-saw that sword, and was gonna dodge it but then you jumped in front of it and you could’ve died and why’d you DO that????”

The silence was nearly absolute. The other heroes didn’t seem to dare to so much as breathe, so the only noise came from Wind’s furious sniffling and hiccupping. He knew the crying made him seem more like a child—and he knew he was a kid, but he was also strong! And could take care of himself!—but he couldn’t seem to stop, couldn’t decide if the tears came from his anger or fear or sadness or some unholy amalgamation of all three.

“I’m sorry.”

[avaritia-apotheosis]

Phantom Children Ch. 6

Hi guys! I'm back <3 (also, I'm currently looking for alpha/beta readers for Phantom Children, so if you're interested, feel free to shoot me a message!)

In Which: Danny Attempts to get Answers, Bruce Learns, and Dick Finally Learns What's Inside the Door that Doesn't Exist

AO3 | Prologue | 5 | [ 6 ] | 7

DANNY IS KNOCKED DOWN three, four, eight times on the ice. Each time made his back ache, his bones bruised and tired, and his mind burning with embarrassment and a drive to lash out. But each time he gets back up. Each time he lasts a little bit longer against Talia.

The ice still shifts, cracks and rumbles with every wrong move. Danny learned to roll with it. Move on light feet but attack with a firm stance, gauge which parts of the ice are stable and which should be avoided. Multi-tasking has never been Danny’s strong suit, but he’s good at learning and learning quickly.

Talia corrected his form as much as she beat him down. Exploited every one of his openings until he learned to defend them and praised him whenever he managed to pull one over her. The League’s martial arts was the holy amalgamation between almost every single fighting style there is, mashed and refined to perfection to become almost unpredictable to the untrained. A vast improvement to Danny’s previous ‘fuck around and see what works’ brawling and had the added benefit of meshing together with his spontaneity.

“You are doing well, Daniel,” Talia said as she sheathed her sword, hand resting just above her hip. “You have improved greatly in such a short time, as I have expected.”

It takes every ounce of Danny’s superhuman energy to not collapse to his knees, his every breath a ragged shudder as he tries to get his breathing under control. “Still can’t beat you, though.”

“Very few can boast that feat.”

“I’m not exactly sure if that’s supposed to make me feel any better or not. Do I get my prize at least?”

Tahlia tossed her braid over one shoulder with a laugh. “Come, then, let us rest in the caves. The sun is to set soon and we must make camp before we freeze to death.”

“Hypothermia is so last season. I’m way too cool for that.”

He didn’t know whether to be disappointed that Tahlia didn’t react to his pun. It was pretty clever, in his opinion.

('Puns are the lowest form of comedy,' said mind-Jazz.

Says the one who named the Box Ghost the ‘Crate Creep.’

'That’s alliteration, not a pun.')

It was kind of pathetic that even his mind-version of Jazz was smarter than him.

“What would you like to know first?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Sarcasm dripped from Danny’s voice. He sheathed his sword and let it hang loose at his side. “Maybe how old this mysterious brother of mine is?” Ancients, his life was weird enough already, it wasn’t supposed to sound like the B-plot to a bad soap opera.

“Damian is younger than you by a little over four years. He will turn eleven this year.”

“Huh. Never been an older brother before.”

“Perhaps you might have been, if circumstances had been different.”

Cryptic. Great. Danny stepped over a particularly large crack in the ice and scampered over to solid ground. “You gotta give me more than that. What’s he like?”

“Prideful,” she said. “But skilled enough to warrant it. He was raised like a prince—as how you should have been.”

“And he lives with…our dad?”

“Yes. In America.” The cave was deep enough to shield them from the worst of the eventual mountain winds. Tahlia had already started building a campfire with equipment from her knapsack, embers eating away and growing into a steady flame. He sat down, legs crossed, beside the fire, hands tucked beneath his armpits.

He bit his lip, a question forming in his mind. “Do…do we have the same dad?”

Tahlia looked up at him. “Of course. Only your father has had the privilege of being called my beloved, and only he is worthy enough to have sired my children.”

Once night fell, it fell quickly. Blanketing as far as Danny could see from the mouth of the cave in a thick darkness. Snow fell from the skies in thick tufts and covered their footsteps.

“Does he—do they know about me?”

“No, they do not.”

“And you probably aren’t going to tell them anything about me, if you could help it.”

“That is very perceptive of you, habeebi.”

“You won’t tell me anything more about them, will you?”

“In due time, I will.”

Danny blew part of his fringe away from his face. Figures.

Despite the ever-present niggling at the back of his mind, Bruce had yet to see what was in the flash drive. The weeks since his strange meeting with Vlad Masters suddenly exploded with criminal activity with the recent breakout in Arkham and the brewings of another gang war in the shadows of Gotham’s paved streets. It was all hands-on deck. And Bruce, whether as Batman or Wayne, had always prioritized Gotham and its citizens over anything else.

The flash drive remained on his person despite the crisis, tucked away in one of the sturdier compartments of his utility belt to prevent the data inside from becoming damaged. Sometimes he found his hands gravitating towards it, fingers brushing against the button that would release the mystery from its confines before he realized what he was doing and steeled himself. Hands fisted to his side and attention forcibly directed elsewhere.

Eventually, the rogues were placed back into Arkham, and Gotham let out a shuddered breath of relief as it remained standing for another day.

Most of the family were out on a light patrol, cleaning up the remains of the breakout and helping where they can. Jason and Dick bickering over the comms whilst Barbara laughed in her clocktower.

(“It’s not that bad.”

"‘It’s not that bad’—shut the fuck up.” Jason spat. Bruce could hear him revving his bike. “You’re a fucking idiot, you know that? Certified Grade A idiot. B’s gonna kill you.”

He could hear Dick roll his eyes. “Sure, pile it all on, Jaybird. Blame the victim.”

"It was your fault.”

“It’s not my fault I didn’t see it there!”

"You tripped and got a concussion. From a stick. A. Stick.”

“Can we please just leave that out of the report?” Dick groaned. Barbara laughed. “Oh god.”

“Richard motherfucking John Grayson. I swear if you vomit on me then—”

“I’m not gonna vomit on you! You just turned the corner a little too fast. It’s nice to see you care though.”

"Fuck no, I just don’t wanna smell like regurgitated cereal.”)

Damian was benched from a patrol. Their last conflict with Poison Ivy ended with Damian sticking a bad landing and twisting his ankle. He dealt with it with as much grace as can be expected. Meaning that he spent the last few days sulking as he caught up on his missed schoolwork and shooting daggers at everyone else who came back from patrol.

Bruce flicked the flash drive open and plugged it into the computer. The flash drive contained only a single folder dated six months ago.

He clicked it, and a news headline popped up.

LOCAL TEEN DIES AFTER DRIVING OFF CLIFF

Beneath it, a picture. Blue eyes. Black hair. A familiar face.

Blood pounded in Bruce’s ears. He could hear nothing except a sharp gasp from Damian behind him.

When Dick and Jason arrived at the batcave, it was to an eerie silence. Not that it was usually loud, only that Bruce spent most of his free time down in the cave and Dick had come to expect hearing some signs of him around. Typing on keys, the clicking of a mouse, the heavy thuds of a fist meeting a punching bag or a training dummy, etcetera, etcetera. Or maybe even Alfred cleaning up around the cave, feeding the bats, or restocking their med bay.

(Dick, it turned out, didn’t have a concussion. Probably. Not a severe one anyway. What mattered most was that he managed to convince Jason to have dinner at the Manor. Alfred was making a tarte tatin for dessert tonight and those were absolutely to die for. )

One of Tim’s cases took him to the other side of Gotham. The only person in the cave was Damian, who was staring agape at the batcomputer.

“Why the hell is the demon spawn looking at old pictures of Bruce? We get it. They look alike.

“Uh, Dami? What’s up?”

Damian snapped his mouth shut. “I believe it might be best if you asked father that, Grayson.” Despite his clipped tone, there seemed to be little anger in his voice. His proud shoulders were hunched over on the chair, eyes trained on his lap.

He looked so small.

Damian clucked his tongue. “He’s upstairs, if you need him. So is Pennyworth.”

Dick shot a glance at Jason who raised his hands in mock surrender. “You’re up golden boy. Whatever the fuck the old man’s problem is this time, I’m not dealing with it.”

Dick sighed. “Fine.”

There was a door in Wayne Manor that didn’t exist.

When Dick was a child and recently adopted by Bruce Wayne, one of the first things he did was explore the manor. It’s the prerogative of every child that somehow found themselves in a large mansion—even more so given the castle-like exteriors of Wayne Manor. All castles have secret passages, and if the Batcave lay in the subterranean depths below, then surely the manor proper must have its own secrets.

Dick would tumble and cartwheel along the hallways, opening any and every single door he came across. A lot of them were just empty bedrooms or unused parlors and sitting rooms; the furniture covered by white sheets to keep the dust away. Alfred was probably magic, but even he can’t keep the entirety of the manor dust free.

The majority of the unused rooms were unlocked.

Except for one.

It was a room in the west wing, on the second floor. A couple doors down from where Bruce’s and Dick’s were. Why it was locked, Dick never found out. But he was curious since it was the only room on that floor that remained shut.

When he asked Alfred about it, the old butler only said that it was an unused storage room they preferred to keep locked just in case. When he asked Bruce about it, he’d be quick to change the subject. Usually something Batman related. Which, well, always worked, because it was Batman related. And Dick, young and spry and itching to fly under Batman’s wings, would quickly forget about that curious little mystery in favor of punching bad guys in the face and flipping over rooftops.

At some point that locked door quietly disappeared, leaving a blank expanse of wallpaper and a decorative vase where it once stood. It was never brought up again. And Dick slowly forgot that it was ever there in the first place.

Until now.

The wooden table and vase were shoved off to the side. Wallpaper sliced away to reveal the lines of a doorway. The door, covered in its faint damask wallpaper, was kicked open, the wood around the bolt splintered and cracked. He could hear voices—Alfred’s and Bruce’s—speaking softly on the other side.

He pressed his back against the wall and kept his breathing quiet.

“Three times, Alfred.” Bruce’s voice was hoarse, barely above a whisper. “Three times she’s done this to me.”

“Master Bruce…”

“I don’t—I don’t understand why—” Bruce choked, swallowing a shuddered breath. “Damian, I can understand. Jason, I can too. But…This? I—” Bruce suddenly quieted. Dick knew the jig was up.

He unlatched himself from the wall and slowly slid through the once-hidden-door, a hand kept on the frame. “Um. Hi, Bruce? Alfred?” The words fell flat, stilted. Dick winced as he said them. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but, uh…” He trailed off the second he registered what was in the room.

It was large, as so many rooms in the manor were. The room was covered in peeling green wallpaper with faded pictures of baby deer and owls and other woodland creatures prancing about. There was a dresser on one wall. A shelf filled with little picture books and stuffed animals on the other. A brown teddy bear had fallen on its face on one of the shelves.

In the middle—where Bruce was hunched over—was a crib. The wood streaked and aged with time, the beddings within pristine and untouched, if not dusty. Hanging overhead was a mobile with little animals dangling on a string.

“Worry not Master Dick. It is good that you are here since it will inevitably involve the rest of the family at some point.”

Dick nodded absentmindedly, trying to lock eyes with his guardian. “B? What’s—what’s going on?” Dick took one step deeper into the room. “The pictures in the cave. I thought they were you since they were too old to be Damian—” Bruce’s hands on the crib’s railing flinched.

Dick’s breath hitched.

“They’re…not your photos, are they.”

Bruce took a deep breath in, the lines of his shoulders tense. “No. They’re not.”

In their line of work, the answer could have been anything. Clones, magical doppelgangers, alternate universe counterparts, hell, even just someone’s genetic code being coincidentally similar to another person. But…this room, this nursery, pointed towards only one conclusion.

“Who is he, Bruce?”

Bruce angled his head towards Dick, unshed tears glimmering in his eyes. “He’s my son, Dick.

“He’s my son.”

[theskoomacat]

had a dream that me and an amalgamation of my friends got kidnapped by elongated muskrat with his henchman. we were in a car, and at some point i decided to escape by pissing dream muskrat off. idr what i told him but it was extremely easy to rile him up enough to make him literally stand up inside the car in an attempt to intimidate me, which i did too, so we stood like to idiot goats bent under the hood, foreheads almost touching. this allowed me to somehow kill both men. we decided to drive on because the road was very narrow and lbr fucking weird so we couldn't wait for the police without stopping the entire traffic

we reached some kinda avenue next to an industrial zone and a bus stop. we got out of the car and i immediately forgot about the plan to wait for the police to catch up to us, and we started waiting for the bus. it was night, and the bus stop was Very Weird. there were plenty people, and something was constantly happening. the sidewalk changed its configuration three times, so we had to trek back to our previous spot constantly. meat produce was delivered constantly (i remember only some weird fried shrimps with eyes...), and i asked a local wtf and he told me that they overproduce the food and then dump what doesn't get eaten in a giant dump behind that industrial zone (disgusting). there were shady cars, and at some point all the light turned off on the avenue, including all the headlights. neither the bus nor tram was coming (clearly inspired by my experience with German Railways, who have habitually left me after midnight in the middle of nowhere with no means of reaching home), people were getting restless and were trying to find a place to charge their phones

at some point i said fuck it and proposed we walk to a different stop with different trams and try to make our ways home from there. and so we did, we reached the circle avenue of my dream version of Moscow - and immediately there were two trams that would take us our separate ways. the rest of the dream was some riveting public transportation action, with no trace of a memory of the muskman, cut short by my alarm

[bigskydreaming]

Interesting. Another week where I liked all the X-books that came out. Must’ve been cuz there was no Duggan in the mix.

New Mutants was one of the better issues since Ayala took over. I haven’t loved all of their issues, though enjoyed them for the most part, but this one I could really see everything start to come together that they’ve been seeding from their start. I wanna reread once next issue comes out and see whether it works better overall to read the full arc in one sitting. Also it might be that the Otherworld stuff was a forced detour they had to make and that threw off the pacing. We’ll see. 

But the kids with Gabby was such a sweet moment, and its so nice to see them all on the same side when it comes to Farouk......but Farouk’s motivations and the little interlude about the boy call back to Ayala’s first issue and it looks like the suspicions laid back then were true. Its almost certain that the Shadow King is actually an amalgamation or even just a full on puppet of an Amenthi demon who merged with or possessed Amahl Farouk as a child and using him as a host, has been all about trying to make this world match the one it came from, based on the same ideals Annihilation espoused. 

Basically, Amahl is not the same as the Shadow, the Shadow is trying to turn Krakoa into a new version of Arakko, and if I’m interpreting one panel of the art right, I think Xi’an (who seemed to have her suspicions back at the start of this arc too) just sensed another presence for the first time - and she’s the one who knows the Shadow King’s psyche best after all - and she’s figured out that there’s a separate Amahl Farouk consciousness hidden somewhere inside him. And given that second ‘demonstration’ interlude and the fact that the New Mutants are now nowhere to be found in the Shadow King’s mindscape, I’m guessing she managed to shunt them from the part the Shadow King controlled, into whatever part the original boy Amahl is hiding in.

Excalibur was one of its better issues. I’m far more interested in the politics of Otherworld than the political shit in X-Force, Mordred being a mutant is an actually interesting twist, and the idea that Arthur is making his son’s betrayal a self-fulfilling prophecy by attacking mutantkind because he believes Mordred will inevitably side with them as a mutant has some interesting possibilities. It was also unexpectedly....nice, to see like, the whole family Braddock fighting on the same side for probably the first time ever, lol, from Betsy to Brian to Meggan to Jamie.....Jim Jaspers remains a wildcard I’m wary of because like, lol I’ve read the original stories of him and it seems this writer has too, and I want someone to bring up that he’s keeping Redroot captive and make some kind of issue about that, especially now that Death has been brought back into the mix and Betsy’s offered to help him escape Sevalith. 

(Only to have him say no, he’s working - lol anyone else think Death’s trying to pull off a one-man coup and take over Sevalith for mutantkind and do his Daddy Dearest proud? Or given that he’s obviously still crushing on Ororo, even after - well I mean, probably BECAUSE she kicked his ass and left him for dead.....I could TOTALLY see them playing this as like, part of some weird courtship attempt of his. The only way he feels he can woo her as an equal is to come to her with a kingdom of his own or some shit like that. Idk, we’ll see. He’s definitely up to something though, but I do believe him when he says that ultimately he’s on the same side as the rest of them).

I liked that they haven’t forgotten about the other Rogue, Gambit and Rictor Captains, I liked Roma’s conversation with Jubilee about Shogo and the foreshadowing there, as well as Jubilee’s response and her clear conflict.....Merlyn can fucking die in a fire already, please and thank you, ugh, enough with this old shithead.....oh I LOVED that someone is FINALLY doing something with Bei, and it does make sense for it to be Excalibur though I figured it would’ve happened in New Mutants by now. But she and Shatterstar make a fun odd duo, and actually Star’s comment to Brian about being a new friend too like, lol, okay, I’m kinda here for a trio of Brian, Star and Bei to be like a Krakoan Warrior Three who are all united by their perspective as like, lifelong combatants and being outsiders among the rest of Krakoa even if Shatterstar and Bei are technically still mutants too. It makes sense.

Hmm, what else. Would love to see Bei’s thoughts on Death and Redroot, all things considered, and have something to do with those plotlines in the future. And really in general I’m here for this big all-kingdom smackdown with Sevalith, Hothive, Mercador, the Furies and Merlyn’s kingdom all arrayed against Krakoa and Avalon. Of course, these are still only the Foul Kingdoms. Roma and the rest of the Fair Kingdoms so far don’t seem to have any real problem with witchbreed....but this arc is still only getting started. Still waiting for Mordred’s inevitable entrance....curious to see what his power is, and especially if HE even knew he was a mutant before now.

Also: JULIO AND SHATTERSTAR CUDDLES. WE HAVE WAITED 84 YEARS FOR THIS.

And as for Hellions....

Okay, I didn’t actually love Hellions, its kinda on...layaway. I liked a lot of the fallout of last issue, I liked that the stakes are so apparent here, but I’m gonna be bothered by a lot of stuff unless there’s some kind of plot twist that reveals that Kwannon’s daughter is still alive somehow. Like maybe Sinister lied about not having another back-up JUST to ensure he still had one last card to bargain with up his sleeve since he lost the ‘in’ he had with the Hellions now, and with the Council now aware of his secret experiments with Arraki DNA (and bringing Tarn down on their heads in a way that COULD have started a full on war with them if Ororo hadn’t handled it for them)....like point is, all eyes are going to be on him for awhile now and he has very few cards left to play or people in his corner, so I’m HOPING that there’s another plot twist coming in the last couple issues there. 

Because if Kwannon’s daughter is ACTUALLY dead....it really doesn’t sit well with me that the first real mutant death in an age of literal immortality for the rest of them (since even Gorgon and Rockslide technically are still alive in SOME sense)....like for that to be Kwannon’s daughter, the only real innocent in all of this, and having been held hostage to this storyline the whole time, and only existing to force Kwannon’s hand in all of this....yeah. No. Thank you, do not like, that better not be all there is to this. I never trust anything Sinister says as a general rule, so I’m not gonna believe him about that having been the only back-up of her daughter until its wholly proven otherwise.

Other thoughts.....I like that Emma knows that she fucked up, I like that Emma DID have her own kinda failsafe in place because she didn’t trust Sinister for shit, I like that she was RIGHT not to trust Sinister for shit and that her fail-safe stopped even worse shit from happening....I DON’T like that her fail-safe literally just made Alex a weapon of mass destruction with no awareness he even was one and someone else’s hand (let alone fucking MANUEL’S on the trigger)....I DON’T like Emma looking all pained at how devastated Alex is when that was the inevitably outcome of this particular failsafe, like sorry Emma but if what it did to Alex was really that big a problem for you, you should have found a different failsafe.....and I REALLY REALLY don’t like Emma effectively just offering up Maddy’s resurrection as essentially a bribe to ‘fix’ what had happened to HIM, like....if you guys could have made the case for Maddy’s resurrection before now, it should have been for Maddy’s sake, not as like....a cheer-up tactic for fucking Alex, and DEFINITELY not to ‘fix’ a mess that still resulted in Kwannon’s daughter’s death (unless of course there’s a twist there).

Oh and I also meant to say there BETTER be fallout once Scott discovers Emma and Manuel’s role in all of this. I could definitely see Scott like, interceding on John’s behalf if he manages to pull of killing Empath, because like....he’d kinda want to do it himself. This is one of those times where I REALLY wish they’d spend more time developing where Gabe fits in with the Summers brothers now, relationship wise, because like, just show him giving any kind of shits for Alex as his older brother like, at all, and you can EASILY justify Gabe going full wrath-of-omega-mutant on Empath, and what’s the Council gonna do to one of their prized omega mutants, especially one who’s already been imprisoned on Krakoa for Xavier’s mistakes in decades past? 

Actually damn, now THERE’S a consequence-arc I’d love to see, because imagine Gabe helping John go after Empath, and then the Council really trying to throw HIM in the Hole for that, and then Scott being like uh no, remember the events of Deadly Genesis? The fuck I’m gonna stand by and allow that, Xavier you still owe him for that shit, especially since this resurrected version of him never did all the shit Emperor Vulcan did, at least as far as he knows. Or THEN ALSO I could see him getting Storm to back him up on this and she gets the Arraki to be like, well we owe this mutant a debt of gratitude for his role in making our new home, and actually his actions sound totally acceptable, we’re honestly not sure what the problem is, actually he sounds more like us than you so we’re happy to offer him sanctuary, and then the Council would shit their pants because they don’t want to lose an omega mutant to their war-like cousins since you KNOW more than a few of them are making contingencies in case they ever have to fight them again, and like, it’d split the loyalties of the entire Summers Clan in doubt and just...tons of story possibilities there. Lots to consider.

Eh, that’s not where they’re going with this at all though, so whatever. I’ll actually be really surprised if they do end up writing John as managing to successfully kill Empath.

Last thoughts.....this was weirdly the first time they EVER made me give a crap about Nanny? They managed to make me more interested in her in one issue than they have in her previous thirty-five years of existence, gave her more DEVELOPMENT in one issue than in all of that time, and when she was willing to sacrifice her just to save the orphanage from being destroyed I was like, holy shit. I....like...her?

And then they fucking ruined it all the very next page with how they had her react to Peter, and their ominous as fuck final epitaph. I’ll wait on deciding my full thoughts and feelings about that, and see just WHAT Peter ends up doing as a result....I have a feeling things are not going to end well for him and we might be close to seeing the last of him, especially with the inferences they’ve made about how destructive Peter’s true power is - whatever the hell it actually is. Like, Peter, at least, I can see the Council being more than willing to leave in the Hole, or just....put at the back of the resurrection queue for the rest of eternity. Which is shitty but would be perfectly in keeping with them and also I don’t actually know what he’s going to do yet.....like, is it going to be some bullshit like HE tries to destroy the Nursery or some shit because Nanny wanted to save it, or more likely is it gonna be something like he goes to the Right and betrays Krakoa or whatever and gives them valuable intel or something like that? Idk. 

Finally - YES MADDY’S COMING BACK. And she’s gonna be pisssssssed. Like, I don’t see how they’re planning to approach that, like....I’m expecting Xavier to try some serious editing on her back-up to maneuver WHICH point in time Maddy will come back remembering up to, because uh....that’s gonna matter a lot. But since this is all happening against his objections in the first place, and this seems more like Emma’s personal crusade to try and make up for her part in all this, I wouldn’t be surprised if Maddy comes back with full memories up to her most recent back-up.....which means she’s going to still be full on hating all of them, being like FUCK Krakoa AND your amnesty for all mutants I just want you all to burn, and oh yeah, on TOP of all that its inevitable she’s going to find out how much some of them FOUGHT to keep her from being resurrected, like....? Oh there is like only a 1 or 2% chance this ends any way other than TERRIBLY for everyone concerned.

(And yet I still hope they pull it off, because I don’t want her back just for one or two more issues, I want her back longterm. Ideally, I’d love her to take Jean’s place on the Council and pull it off with the support of like Mystique and Emma and Destiny and others as a giant fuck you to Xavier, but I’d also settle for her ditching Krakoa for Arakko and being like these are more my kinda people and also you can’t do shit to me here).

Oh and PS - lolololololol forever at Hank fucking McCoy trying to give Emma shit for her actions here. Like I mean, at least he’s AWARE he has literally no leg to stand on, whatsoever? I mean, I guess there’s that? But still. LMFAO OMG SHUT UP HANK YOU LITERALLY DON’T GET TO SAY SHIT ABOUT ANYONE ELSE BEING SHADY EVER.

Edit: Oh and also I forgot - I need to know how MUCH the Council found out about Sinister’s experiments, in particular if they found out he was ALREADY experimenting with making chimera mutants, like way ahead of schedule according to Moira’s LAST life in Powers of X, when like, the chimera mutants were a recent development as of a full hundred years in the future from now. Like, that changes a LOT and I would love to know what Xavier, Moira and Magneto think of that accelerated timetable and how it might change things.

[twilightknight17]

We’re at the end of the road, folks.

And god damn, I feel so validated by my Sojiro characterization. Wow. Thanks for basically making me canon for ten more seconds, Atlus. XDDD

So when last we left our intrepid heroes, they were laying at the bottom of the Jail of the Abyss, because Ichinose is an asshole. So we had to fight our way back up, carrying Sophia’s unconscious body. Which wasn’t that bad; the Jail isn’t very big. We left Sophia at the door to keep her safe, and then charged back into the hall of the Ark to hack Ichinose’s exploding crystal box thing.

Ichinose doesn’t understand why we came back.

So, yeah. I guess like... bizarro-world Maruki? Maruki wanted to alleviate suffering by granting everyone’s wishes. EMMA’s going to make it so that people can’t wish for anything.

After a kick-ass hacking battle set to the new version of Rivers in the Desert, Ichinose yells at us about our right to judge. Why should humanity keep this painful world, just because WE’RE strong? Just because we’ve never screwed up or suffered?

Which, clearly she has no idea who the fuck she’s talking to.

We’ve worked too hard to listen to that kind of bullshit.

Ichinose proclaims that “humans don’t need hearts” and charges up the laser crystal to blast us again, and Sophia steps in to block the attack. She’s still fighting Ichinose’s control even though Ichinose insists that she’s just a faulty prototype.

Apparently Ichinose created Sophia in the first place because she spent a lifetime being called a heartless doll, so she made an AI to help her learn about the heart.

I think you’re the problem, but not for the reasons everyone else is saying.

But she got angry when Sophia started asking questions of her own and basically tossed her aside, until EMMA found her and dropped her into the Shibuya Jail.

And Sophia, unlike her creator, has learned and grown, and is tired of being given orders. She’s ready to make her own choices.

That is certainly a persona.

I gotta admit, they got me. I was wondering why Sophia didn’t have her arcana yet, but for some reason, I also wasn’t expecting her to get a proper persona. I’m now wondering about the implications of someone being able to code an AI capable of developing a soul that can summon a persona. There’s a zero percent chance that Ichinose had any access to plumes of dusk, which are the reason that Aigis and Labrys gained enough consciousness to have personas. So Sophia is legitimately a miracle piece of technology.

Pandora is an interesting choice, but I dunno if I can articulate that beyond a surface-level, “Oh, because she’s Hope, and Hope was still in the box.”

I swear to god, every major villain in this game is trying to be Goro Akechi. For the last goddamn time, we don’t kill people. Get up, Ichinose. We’re leaving.

Ryuji literally grabs her by the arm and drags her out, because she’s trying to stay behind. Which just confirms for me that if Goro hadn’t put up that bulkhead door, we’d have dragged his stupid ass out of the Ship, too. XD

Back to the real world, and Tokyo is blacking out, and the Tower is losing its shit.

The metaverse is fusing with reality, the Tower is becoming the Tree of Knowledge, and hell yes we are climbing this tower after all!

Morgana points out that this is the same thing that happened last year, and Zenkichi freaks out a little bit.

You’re lucky you moved to Kyoto, sir. You missed quite a bit.

I love these kids, though. They’ve got so much black humor about this whole god thing.

The metaverse encroaching on reality means that everyone has to cram into the bus in their thief gear. Zenkichi, please. Your hat. Sir.

I love climbing this tower. I’ve been here, too! Also they have butter. XD

I was expecting the Mementos version of the lower observation deck, and instead I got some weird amalgam between Mementos and Azathoth’s boss chamber.

We had to fight Metatron as the guardian of the last elevator, which is another parallel to Yaldabaoth’s archangels. And then it’s up to what I guess used to be the high observation deck to fight the big box.

EMMA insists that all humanity wants is to let it give them all the answers, and it throws them into some sort of alternate fog world full of the voices of the public.

The Thieves are all separated, trapped in the fog. Each of them has to find their way out, and they realize that the fog of the Desires is protecting EMMA. EMMA knows exactly how calling cards work, so they won’t work on her. Instead, the Thieves decide that they need to send the calling card to the public, so that they’ll become aware of their desires again and the desires will crystalize.

...oh come on, Atlus. We’re right in the endgame.

One last hacker battle to break into EMMA’s server room in the tower, and Futaba and Ichinose manage to hack EMMA itself to deliver a calling card to everyone at once.

Love you, Zenkichi. We’ve taken out two gods already. We’re good.

Confronting the Ark again reveals a bunch of freaky tentacle arms grabbing the desires, and then the box turns into some sort of massive figure that looks sort of like Yaldabaoth, except less robot and more seraphim. It literally names itself the Demiurge, so I feel like EMMA may be drawing something from the lingering dregs of Yald’s influence? It’s cool.

Clearly no one told you what happened to the last false god that thought it knew what was best for humanity. ;) “Hope binds humanity to misery” is bullshit.

After a... not very difficult first phase, the Demiurge reveals its true form, and we split into three teams to take out its support orbs (modeled after the sephirot) and the main body.

I really liked the setup for the last boss. The teams were the first instance where it was really apparent that the whole team was fighting together. Each of the three battles was happening concurrently, and destroying the orbs has a concrete effect on the main fight. I wish we’d gotten to do things like this more often, especially during the Shadow Thieves fight.

That said, the main body was actually the easiest part of the fight? All the attacks were really telegraphed, and not particularly hard to avoid. Except for the spear jab.

But it finished off with a full-team all-out attack, and that was awesome.

The desires began to return to their owners, and we get to bask in a job well done once again.

Upon returning to the real world, it’s the next morning. Sophia’s happy that she got to be a hero, Zenkichi’s heading off to properly arrest Owada, and the rest of us need to head home, because we were supposed to be home last night. Zenkichi can’t figure out why we consider him a phantom thief, since he “only joined [us] to use [us]”. Which is silly. The Phantom Thieves are built on the bonds of friendship and stalking! It’s too late, Zenkichi. You and Akane have been adopted.

I’m a little disappointed we didn’t get to tell Akane the truth. That would have been great.

Atlus personally reaches out and pats me on the head, because Sojiro has the absolute perfect reaction to his kids coming home after a nationwide manhunt for them.

I feel so valid making him serve Lavenza coffee and be completely nonplussed about a guy marrying Death. I love him. We’re so lucky to have Sojiro. XDDDD

The next day, the kids have a celebration party for their victory, and learn that Akira is going home the next day. This kid needs to catch a break. He can’t even have a few days to relax with his friends. X’‘‘D

Everyone goes to see off Akira, though we detour to Shibuya to meet Ichinose. A news report shows that Owada was successfully arrested, and apparently Ichinose tried to turn herself in to the police, and they didn’t believe a word of it.

This is just highlighting my issues with Maruki. Even if he doesn’t think he did anything wrong to society as a whole, he never apologizes to them for what he put them through. Especially Akira. Ichinose turns around and helps them stop the final boss, and her last scene is her apologizing to the Thieves and trying to make amends for her actions. Maruki’s last scene is... “If things get bad, you can start over like me! Now we’re even!” We are not.

Sophia leaves to help Ichinose learn about the heart, Akira promises to come back for winter break, the Phantom Thieves go their separate ways once again, and the credits roll.

I’m gonna leave my final impressions in a different post, because this one is long enough already. So... look forward to that?

[hellyeahheroes]

Marvel’s Spider-Man: Miles Morales story and character review

So let’s state a disclaimer, I didn’t like the PS4 Miles character as it was blatantly clear that they never read a Miles story with the actual mistakes they made(Miles going to the wrong school, Rio being a science teacher, Jefferson loving vigilantes/supers, using MJ as an origin for Miles, the skin lightening of both Miles and Rio). It was insulting because they clearly researched and had a fidelity to Peter Parker as they had references from both of the 616 and Ultimate Universes but with Miles, they somehow missed the first thing about Miles: he doesn’t want to be Spider-Man. I didn’t like this version. Notice the past tense.

Miles Morales PS5 redeemed him. I am half-way as I’ve done all of the side quests and pretty much half of the main story. And I also seen the whole main story on YouTube. So yeah.

First off, the first thing I noticed about Miles was his fresh-cut. It was, to quote my brother, “a hot mess” in the first game. I was delighted to hear that the first thing the “black” consultant told the Insomniac developers. His edge was fucked up. Second thing was how social Miles was. Third thing is that they retconned Miles going to Midtown. Yes, in the first thing they did actually have kid in Brooklyn attend a public school in Queens. I am pretty sure in the remaster the changed it to Brooklyn Visions.

These changes along with the fidelity of the relationship between Miles and Ganke were what sold me on this version of the character. I get it. No one wants Peter to die and honestly, they probably should have just used Anya, but Miles is popular now and it’d be stupid to just not capitalize.

So let’s talk about a few characters starting with the actual main character of the game: The Tinkerer.

Let me tell you that at first I thought she was redundant. I am not going to spoil it, but it was obvious the moment she is introduced in the game and Miles mentioned her twice before she is formally introduced. It’s clear that she was the focus. I felt that she was redundant because there is a literal harem of morally dubious women who Miles has a close connection to that she takes aspects from. Tinkerer is an amalgamation of all of them. She is a girl leading a gang(Diamondback/Tomoe) who is a genius inventor(Ceres). She wants revenge against a company that is poisoning the city and killed her brother so she becomes a ruthless vigilante(Tiana). Her powers or devices are that she manipulates a metal to form any shape she wants(Tomoe). Her relationship of Miles is one that is really platonic with some romantic undertones(literally every single person that I mentioned) but it is torn apart because Miles lies and keeps secrets from her(Katie Bishop).

What sold me on her character is the work they did in her collectibles which I implore you to collect because they provide so much depth to her character and also, it doesn’t really bother to explain Miles’ character in this world but hers. This girl is hurt because her loved one was killed and she saw Miles as family or a second brother. They hung out together and as soon as Miles went to Visions, they drifted apart. I’ve always wondered about the kids Miles left in his whole transfer situation and Tinkerer was one of them. Her pathos and identity is very much tied to Miles. And I love her.

Look, at first, I was reluctant to want her in the main comic, but someone put in too much work to not include her in Miles’ main rogues gallery. I hope that Saladin sees it and implements a version of her in the MM: Spider-Man comic. She also reminds me of Gear from Static Shock except she is not a gay white man.

Ganke was spot on. This is the best adaptation of Ganke I’ve seen.

Yes even better than Homecoming.

Ganke is part of Miles’ Spider-Man. He is not just the fat Asian kid providing tech support. He is the motivation and is apart of it too unlike the thing they tried to do with MJ and Peter in the first game. This also shows the clear contrast of Peter and Miles. Peter never trusted anyone enough to be that involved in his being of Spider-Man. Miles knows that he can’t do it alone and relies on Ganke for information gathering and webs. Ganke is important and this game nailed it.

Aaron Davis is in this game and no one is surprised. This version of Aaron...is different. Okay in the comics, he is a foil to Miles in that while Miles is becoming more heroic, Aaron is becoming more villainous. It’s no coincidence that Spider-Man and the Prowler look similar but the gist is that if Miles didn’t get bit by the spider, Miles would have become Prowler 2.0. The game eschews this dynamic because it is hard to pull that off after the mangled Miles’ origin so they opted for the Prowler to foil Miles in a different way: keeping secrets from family and friends and being protective of family because fear of loss. Aaron, after losing his brother and never getting a chance to reconcile with him, is hurt and wants to protect Miles and subsequently Rio. Miles, throughout the game, is becoming increasingly worried about his mom running for city council and painting a target on his back. He shows his frustration and distances himself from his mother in his work as Spider-Man. Aaron does the same to Miles when he finds out that he Spider-Man. There comes a point where the two collide and Aaron goes further into the extreme which I won’t spoil. You get it.

This change, while different, isn’t terrible. It’s actually really well thought out. It accomplishes the same thing in that Aaron is not a good role model but he is a good person to Miles. It allows Miles to reflect on his own behavior towards his mother. So I’m with it.

Oh and before I forget, Danika being in this game sold me that they actually started actually researching Miles. They ignored the weird racial commentary that she became enamores and she became a foil to JJJ. A voice of youthful and helpful positivity vs Randian cynicism and skepticism. A social justice activist vs an arrogant self important commentator. And it was fun listening to her. Hopefully Saladin brings her back. I am currently on Underground base liberation missions where she teams up with Ganke and Miles in putting them down. Just started, but there was already some mild hint that Ganke is crushing on her(they are a couple in the comics). So yeah.

The cons because like Ganke, I love pros and cons list. Two things about this game annoys me. First, the move to Harlem and this forced narrative of Miles being Harlem’s Spider-Man made no sense because just look at the map. Harlem is part of Manhattan. There is nothing stopping Peter from visiting Harlem regularly. Brooklyn, however, would justify having their own Spider-Man. As, if you didn’t know, Brooklyn is emerging into becoming the next big city as the area is thriving. Also, gentrification. Point is there is a reason why Miles connection to Brooklyn is important. It is foil to Peter who is from Queens and wanted to move into Manhattan island because part of it was he saw it as a measure of success to get out of the old neighborhood and make it big. Miles loves Brooklyn and doesn’t want to move out. Trying to replicate his love for his city in Harlem just because it’s predominantly black and brown is lazy and honestly if they included Brooklyn in the game, it would have justified the price of this game. Which brings me to the second point.

This game is too short on content to be costing $50 dollars. Just to point out something, all of the DLC from the first game cost 10 bucks a pop and you had as much content in those three expansions as you do this game. Infamous First Light was the same exact thing in relation to Infamous Second Sons and it cost 30 bucks. Uncharted Lost Legacy cost 30 dollars. I could go on. Point is that it shouldn’t have costed nearly the price of a full game when in comparison to the previous iteration, it wasn’t. Now I’ve seen people say that hating because it’s short isn’t warranted or pull up this quoted fact that video games are too long. Anti-consumerist bullshit aside, the difference between the main storyline of the previous game and this one is not repetition. It’s the lack of variety in enemies and deesculating storylines. In the first game, there were a variety of enemies that had their own AI and attacks. And you adjusted accordingly to whom you were facing. There were classes of enemies within the variety. You had the rudimentary common criminal which had 4 classes and how to deal with them and from that point, each enemy afterwards were variations of those four classes and each provided a different challenge. The repetition wasn’t boring because it provided a new challenge. This game only gives you three types of enemies and while 2 are vastly different from anything in the previous game or it’s expansions, the need to limit the series to focus on narrative becomes unwarranted because you are still getting less for nearly the same price.

That’s all. Have a great day. It was a fun game. Really.

@ubernegro

[floatingcatacombs]

Evaluting Gatchaman Crowds Through Rui’s Outfits

12 Days of Aniblogging 2020, Day 1

Oh, I’m fashionably late to this one. Gatchaman Crowds is a 2013 superhero anime that serves as a soft reboot of the old tokusatsu franchise, only now with 21st century shitty anime tropes. From this painfully generic setup emerges a surprisingly layered evaluation of technological disruption in the smartphone era. For this reason, Crowds is a favorite amongst anime bloggers as a superhero work that’s actually trying to do something interesting.

Unfortunately I don’t care about any of these guys

But it’s also a favorite amongst all sorts of weirdos because of the character Rui Ninomiya. A horrifying amalgamation of the technolibertarian CEO and trans femme hacker archetypes, Rui is by far the most interesting character in the show, because they’re a surprisingly prescient look at how the tech industry will function throughout the 2010s. But they’re also a ‘boy’ who never leaves their house without dressing in the most girly clothes imaginable. Predictably, this is catnip for me. But the funniest part of the whole situation is that nobody ever addresses it. Rui never provides an explanation for their outfits and the rest of the cast just uses she/her until they properly get acquainted and switch to he/him.

I could tell you that Rui’s obviously trans and wrap up the post right there, but that’s honestly not the most interesting angle of attack here. So I’m just going to use whatever pronouns I feel like in the moment for them and focus on what really matters: fashion! Rui has a surprisingly large wardrobe throughout the show, so I’ll be doing the heavy lifting of ranking each of her outfits. Oh, and also maybe a little analysis of what she represents. Spoilers for the whole show, of course.

7. The Yellow Dress

Let me lay out Rui’s ideology before I lay into their fashion disaster. You see, they’re a tech disruptor who believes that governments and bureaucracies are too slow to achieve the monumental (yet unspecified) change that society needs. So, they preside over a smartphone app called GALAX that successfully predicts Pokemon Go’s geosocial AR gimmick three years early. GALAX is a technolibertarian’s wet dream – crowdsourced emergency response, interest-based meetups, and matchmaking for people who need specific help and the people who can help them, all deeply gamified.

Their outfit here is about as messy as their politics, but at the same time, what a look. She’s got blue-and-white-striped programming thigh highs on under her combat boots, which are both such trans iconography, you know? While they may just be a reflection of early-2010s 4chan crossdressing culture, it’s also totally possible that Rui directly influenced or reinforced trans girl fashion, like the accelerationist she is. What a prescient show, in all sorts of weird ways.

6. Lace-up Dress with Bunny Ears

It wouldn’t be an anime girl cosplay without some bunny ears, now would it? Rui spends 5 minutes in an early episode just wandering around the city in this outfit, listening to people’s conversations and feelings on GALAX. There’s something very funny about how nobody even notices them, like they’re completely invisible despite their ridiculous outfit. This actually factors back into the tech stuff! Like pretty much every tech company, Rui’s app and vision are both sleek and shiny but rely on tremendous amounts of dirty labor kept as hidden as possible. From Amazon’s inhumane warehouse conditions to Facebook’s trauma-inducing moderator farms to Apple’s child labor-tainted supply chains, there’s always suffering humans behind the too-good-to-be-true magic of tech companies. Rui’s lie by omission is failing to mention that the app relies on invisible extradimensional beings called CROWDS that are manually controlled by underpaid workers to assist its users. One of the workers comes to Rui challenging their vision and arguing that they should be sharing this tech with the movers and shakers of the world, not trying to keep it invisible. He threatens a collective walkout and Rui fires him. At this point, we’re not even operating on metaphors.

5. Green Business Casual

Sure, most tech companies have cruel labor underbellies, but there’s also the separate risk of moral rot. It’s what causes Microsoft to take on ICE contracts and Google to develop censored versions of their search engine at the whims of authoritarians. Many tech companies start off with an altruistic message, but without a serious ethical core, they will start doing a whole lot of evil as they bend to financial and other pressures. Rui’s version of this is extremely literal: she made a deal with the devil to gain the ability to use the CROWDS and launch her app. Except this devil is also a butch gender-noncomforming alien (there is a Lot of other gender going on in this show that I don’t even have time for) and the two of them seem to have an extremely fucked-up relationship. Like any good Faustian bargain or any bad attempt at raising more venture capital without a viable business model, eventually the whole thing comes tumbling down and now you’re doing something terribly fucked up. Rui looks good in a dress shirt, at least!

4. Whatever your abusive partner puts on when she body-snatches you

Of course the center won’t hold, GALAX is subject to a hostile takeover, and to nobody’s surprise, an app with the flimsy promise to change the world for the better can actually be way better at ripping it all apart. I guess the prescient social media parallel here is Facebook being used to propagate Myanmar’s ethnic cleansing, or really anything related to Twitter for the last 5 years. FuckedUpAlienMimic!Rui sure does have cute fangs and a way more refined fashion sense though. I don’t feel like looking into that one.

3. Business....Futch?

I know I’m not done outlining Rui’s arc, but I’m going to skip ahead for a moment to say that Gatchaman Crowds also has a second season! I’m largely ignoring it here because Rui is pretty much stripped of all plot relevance and most of her outfits are less exciting, but I had to include this one. For two episodes, she puts on bright yellow stirrup leggings and an oversized polo shirt, with a cute ponytail to boot. It’s a ridiculous look, but still feels really evocative to me. Sometimes a girl just has to put together completely uncoordinated outfits and see what happens.

Unlike the disruption-focused first season, Gatchaman Crowds season two, which aired in 2015, is about how unfettered technolibertarianism can easily descend into fascism. Goddammit.

2. The Bunny Ears Outfit Again Oh God Who Hurt Her

The weight of the world comes crashing down in Rui’s hands, she’s bruised and beaten in a surprisingly sadistic manner by her alien ex-business partner/girlfriend, and she’s locked out of her own company which is very quickly causing society to fall apart. So what does she do? She puts the bunny dress back on, and wanders the streets again until she has to call upon the powers that be to fix her own mess. It’s silly that the powers that be in this world are superheroes, but I bet you forgot that this was technically a superhero show at this point. Anyways, my extended metaphor is quickly drifting off course, but I guess this is the part where Rui gets grilled by Congress and slapped with an antitrust case.

1. Every Trans Girl Stereotype Rolled Into One

I’ve been incredibly harsh on Rui throughout this writeup, because I’m harsh on the industry she represents, but I’ll make it up with this section. Look at what she’s wearing! A choker, the gothiest Hot Topic dress imaginable, arm warmers, no less than three asymmetric garters not even holding up anything, and the tallest black boots she could find. It’s incredible! If the first outfit on this list was hinting at her relationship to stereotypical trans fashion, then this outfit just screams it. It’s the perfect goth femme hacker look, a style commitment I have no choice but to respect.

Gatchaman is a weird show. After spending most of its runtime thoroughly dunking on tech disruptors for being too optimistic and uncritical, it takes a last-minute turn into Lockean state of nature arguments. It settles on “the masses are inherently good enough that empowering people through technology shouldn’t ever be a problem”, ignoring all the suffering that happened due to Rui’s unwillingness to curate their own technology. I’d give Gatchaman Crowds an average rating, but it’s one of those interesting average ratings where instead of being milquetoast, they tried something and failed and wrote themselves into a corner. But hey, at least there’s an interestingly gendered character!

[taehyung-rambles]

Who Was the Center for the Most Successful BTS B-Sides? (Up To BTS, the Best)

So, I’m finally deciding to make this post after posting about who I thought were the centers in each BTS era. This post is going to be a little stranger because there aren’t as many materials I can use to make my decisions. As such, a lot of my conclusions are going to be based on how I, personally, perceive these songs.

To start off with, I’m going to explain how I’m using the term “B-side” in this post. I’ve seen some sources say B-sides are bonus tracks, songs recorded at the same time as an album but released later, and the “less important side of a record” (this last one refers to cassette tapes and vinyl). For the purposes of this post, B-sides are any songs that do not come with a music video attached.

Don’t Leave Me, Heartbeat, and Crystal Snow are referred to as singles, so they aren’t strictly B-sides. However, I’m including them in this post because they’ve been promoted in a manner that is more similar to BTS’s B-sides than the title tracks. Heartbeat does have an MV, yes, but the footage used was of live performances--none of which included live performances of Heartbeat itself--and footage that was filmed for BTS World, not Heartbeat specifically. Essentially, I’m including these three songs because they seem more like B-sides than singles. Don’t Leave Me was never performed live and was probably only indicated as a single because it was the soundtrack for Signal. Crystal Snow is listed as a single in conjunction with MIC Drop and DNA (it’s listed like MIC Drop/DNA/Crystal Snow), so at the very least, it doesn’t seem like a solo single. Finally, the BTS World soundtrack album lists each song a member of BTS is in as a single. In the first place, that makes Heartbeat being a single a bit redundant, and secondly, it’s only a single for BTS World--not a BTS studio album or EP.

I know We are Bulletproof: the Eternal has an MV, but it’s animated--which is cool, but it isn’t an MV BTS personally filmed for, and it isn’t considered a BTS era. Also, Map of the Soul: 7 doesn’t even list it as a single in the way Don’t Leave Me or Heartbeat were listed. So, it’s in the B-side post.

The second thing I’m going to mention is that BTS have not performed all of these songs live, so the photos I’m using for them are going to end up coming from random live performances. For instance, I used part of the We are Bulletproof: the Eternal performance for Louder than bombs because they came from the same album and both read as somber songs.

Finally, the way I decided on the centers for these songs was as follows: if the song had choreo, I considered that in addition to the vocal; if the song did not have choreo, I essentially had to go off of the vocal presence within the song. That doesn’t mean the member with the most airtime is always going to have the center position, but it will be the case most of the time. There will be some instances, though, where a certain member had airtime somewhere in the middle of the pack, but the parts they were given were key to how the song was perceived, so they came off feeling like a center; an example of this would be ending two of the choruses or a vocal line member having a part in the verses when other vocal line members only sang on the choruses and pre-choruses. 

The last thing I want to mention with this is that the live performances dictated most of my decisions. There are plenty of BTS songs that are recorded one way, but the live performance switches up the parts the members sing. An example of this would be Hobi singing Namjoon’s opening in Spring Day because Hobi had no parts to sing or rap in the studio version. The live performance is how BTS uses the song the most, obviously, so if one member is a lot more prominent in the live version than the studio version, the live version is more important to my perceptions as BTS clearly wanted to show that member to fans more for a certain song. This doesn’t happen a whole lot, but there definitely are songs in which one member is invisible the studio version but then is central to the live performance.

I did not go through every single B-side that exists within BTS’s discography because that would take absolutely forever. I am talking about a good chunk, though, because I’ve decided to talk about songs that are either really popular with ARMY, really popular with BTS, or both. I’m also only using OT7 songs, not the subunit songs. I may do a post on those later.

The post I did in this format with the BTS eras included an MV center. Obviously, that’s not going to happen with this post, so we’re just gonna use “Center”, “Co-Centers”, “Secondary Center(s)”, and “No Center” as the labels.

DISCLAIMER: I know my conclusions are weird some of the time, but it’s just how I view the performances of these songs, which is what I mainly used to decide (unless there isn’t a live performance to look at). The fun of this is seeing the different opinions of ARMY, so tell me if you think the center for a song is different than what I think.

DISCLAIMER #2: This is not who owned every BTS B-side. That post will, most definitely come later, but this post is strictly me trying to see who was the objective center for each B-side. Trust me, a lot of my opinions would be very different if I was talking about the top 3 members for each B-side. For instance, there’s plenty of songs where I thing a rap line member had the best part, so they would own the era for me; however, objectively speaking, they aren’t actually in the song enough to center for it.

I don’t know how this song was perceived when it first came out, but it has definitely become a staple to both BTS and ARMY. Any time BTS decide to perform older songs--and I mean old songs--I Like It is usually one of them. They’ve done performances of it since it came out, and are still doing it now, in the 2020s. Of course, that’s because it’s a lovely song with pretty melodies that ARMY loves.

Center: Jungkook

I kind of knew who I was gonna pick for this before I reviewed a couple live performances of this song. Actually, though I still agree that Jungkook is the center for this song, it wasn’t as clear in the live performances as it is in the studio recording. That’s mostly down to the choreography, though, because Jungkook’s voice absolutely runs throughout this entire song. Even if you’ve got Jimin in the center and Jungkook on the side during the choreo, Jungkook’s singing adlibs and harmonizing and all these wonderful things that push him to the forefront of people’s attention. He does center in the choreo the most, too, of course, but I Like It doesn’t have super powerful choreography, so that didn’t make as much of a difference.

Secondary Center: Jin

I gotta tell you, with how much Jin was pushed off at the beginning of BTS’s career, I didn’t think I’d find Jin in a central position for a song that came off of their first album. Jin being on every chorus is really what solidified this for me. Jimin is on every chorus, too, but for whatever reason, he doesn’t stick out as much. When Jin comes to center stage, he really feels like he’s carrying the performance. It may be an obvious thing to say, but Jin comes off like he’s the center for BTS when he’s up front in I Like It. It’s just that Jungkook literally envelops the entirety of the song. Jin is a really strong support, though.

So, Attack On Bangtan is weird because the studio version is such an amalgamation of the members that you can’t really separate who is who on the chorus except for one specific person that we’ll talk about in a second. The reason I’ve included it in this list is because it’s gotta one of BTS’s best power songs. If you think of songs like Not Today or ON that scream intensity, Attack on Bangtan is definitely one of those. Aside from the fact that it’s an ARMY favorite, I think it’s such a strong introduction to BTS and what they can do with their music, so it can’t be easily forgotten.

Center: Namjoon

Like, if I’m being honest, this song doesn’t have much of a center. However, if you’re looking at the studio, it’s almost like Namjoon is the only one there. I mean, the rap line and Jungkook have prominent parts, obviously, because the rap verses are central to this song. Both Jimin and Jungkook are actually noticeable on the chorus, despite what I said above, but in reality, everything in between is Namjoon. Namjoon’s got the supporting pieces of the song for the entirety of it. All those short phrases and background pieces are done by Namjoon, so it reads like a Namjoon song; it sounds like a Namjoon song. If you watch the live performance of Attack On Bangtan--the performances with the choreo, especially--Namjoon seems like he’s leading this troupe of guys on stage. I’ve said this somewhere before, I think about No More Dream, but Attack On Bangtan is another one of those songs that says, “Hello, I’m Kim Namjoon, and I’m going to introduce you to BTS.” It’s a unique flavor of BTS that doesn’t exist anymore, so going back to this older stuff is really interesting. Still, though Namjoon is a definite center, he’s not a super-standout-ish one. Mostly because this song is absolute chaos.

I wasn’t originally gonna do this B-side because I didn’t think it had that much support as an individual song, but rather as a piece of BTS’s older stuff. However, I think this song is banger, and BTS have performed it as recently as 2019, so it’s going in the list.

Co-Centers: Yoongi, Hobi, & Namjoon

This is true rap line dominated song. Namjoon completely dominates the chorus and the end of the song, and Hobi and Yoongi are almost the only other members that stick out the rest of the time. Watching this live, it feels like the rap line is trading places with each other at the center of the song, and the effect is really cool. I will say Yoongi isn’t as prominent as Hobi and Namjoon are, but he still stands out more than the secondary center I’ll talk about in a second. I really don’t think there’s another B-side this banger that so heavily leans on the rap line. There’s eras of BTS’s music that do (like MIC Drop and Not Today), but the B-sides don’t usually. Maybe that’s why I love this song so much.

Secondary Center: Jimin

I’ll concede that Jimin doesn’t actually have a lot to do with this song, but because he’s got such an effective hook during the chorus, he does seem like one of the central members. Jimin does have pretty central moments in the choreo, as well. Not just during his parts, but his character--if you want to call it that--that he portrays on stage is central, as well. Also, he’s got that one part where the backup dancers make him fly across the stage. So, Jimin was hard to miss.

I’m not the biggest fan of Tomorrow, and I don’t know why, because it’s insanely popular within ARMY. The story behind the song is one thing because I find it extremely interesting and meaningful, but the sound of Tomorrow isn’t my thing. In any case, I think it’s pretty clear why I’ve decided to talk about it. The breakdown of Tomorrow is pretty predictable, and it follows what BTS’s centers are probably “supposed” to be (if BTS was like a standard K-pop group), but let’s talk about it anyway.

Center: Jungkook

As I don’t like this song, I can’t say for certain, but if ARMY are talking about Tomorrow, they’re talking about Jungkook, right? He’s got such a strong presence in both the choreo and the vocal, plus the style of both fit him really well. I don’t know if it’s the body rolls people love or the fact that this genre does amazing things for Jungkook’s voice or both, but the stage for Tomorrow 100% intended for Jungkook to be at its center.

Secondary Center: Jimin

This is what I meant by this breakdown being how it’s “supposed” to be. With Jungkook being the main vocalist, it makes sense for him to center. So, if Jimin’s the lead vocalist, then he should co-center. Obviously, BTS are amazing at letting each individual member have a chance to center plenty of times, but Tomorrow was pretty straightforward. Jimin is just, quite obviously, on stage as a support to Jungkook. He isn’t exactly as standout--which is why he’s a secondary center--but Jimin is, without a doubt, a face of Tomorrow.

Y’all, this song was so hard to decide on because the face of this song basically has no parts in the studio version. However, when I think of Spine Breaker, I think of one member first and foremost. I kind of had to call this one based on that and the choreo alone because the member that feels like the center made the choreo for it--you see where I’m going with this, right? As an aside, I know this has an MV that BTS filmed for this song specifically, but no one talks about a Spine Breaker era because they made the MV years later. So, it’s a B-side. Anyway, this song is an absolutely iconic part of BTS’s discography, and BTS and ARMY both love it to bits. Let’s talk about centers.

Center: Jin

If you listen to the song, without watching the live, you can’t justify Jin as the center of Spine Breaker. The thing is, though, he’s made this song his bitch just by being the legend he is. Jin made it his business to own this song despite not having many parts in the original version. I don’t think Spine Breaker is a crackhead song on its own, but if you combine it with the live performance of it, as well as the MV and the choreo, it is absolutely a crackhead song. It only ended up like that because of Kim Seokjin, so how can he not be the center?

Secondary Center: Taehyung

That being said, I do have to pay tribute to who I believe is the vocal center of Spine Breaker. I fully understand that the rap verses are fire, but the essence of Spine Breaker is in the chorus, and that’s Taehyung’s territory. Jungkook bridges the space between Taehyung’s lines in the chorus, but that deep, rich, full voice Taehyung has in Spine Breaker is what gives it its iconic sound. Honestly, for how much Taehyung’s unique vocal tone contributes to the sound of Spine Breaker, he should probably be a co-center, but Seokjin’s presence is too strong. Still, this is close to being a Taehyung song.

This is another B-side that I’m unsure of how it was received when it came out, but it’s iconic as of the 2020s, and I don’t think that’s gonna change. From what I’ve seen circulate about the song, I kind of think it’s only as iconic as it is because of a specific member, but I think it would’ve been popular regardless because it’s an amazing song with a great beat. I just think the reason it became mainstream was because of a certain person. I can say for sure that the reason this song is iconic to BTS is because of one person, but we’ll talk.

No Center

Does that surprise you after I blabbed about Taehyung for a whole paragraph? Here’s the thing: Taehyung made this song a meme because of how he delivers his verse and how badass it is. However, if you watch an entire performance of JUMP, Taehyung doesn’t ultimately stick out more than any other member. Now, I will say that Taehyung having such a long part is really rare for a vocal line member. Legit, the only thing I can liken it to is Jungkook’s bridge in ON. Maybe it’s not that dramatic, but still. Like, Taehyung is 100% the face of JUMP, but it just isn’t as prominent as Jin in Spine Breaker. All the members seemed to appear equally overall (even though Taehyung just appeared once, but for a long time), so JUMP has no center.

This B-side has got to be in the top 10 list of “BTS Songs That Could’ve Been A Single” because it’s that good. I feel like it represents the boys really well and acts as a song that says “fun” without saying “we’re all still babies.” Basically, it feels like the professional--or grown-up--version of songs like Paldogangsan and JUMP. I think there’s a good bit of love ARMY pays to this song for different reasons, so let’s talk about it a little more in detail.

No Center

It depends where you are in the song, honestly. And if there’s a different member that feels like the center at different times, then there is no center. Like, in the beginning, Boyz With Fun definitely feels like it’s being led by the rap line, but then Jimin gets this really slow, long pre-chorus, and Jungkook gets the chorus. But then, you look at the choreo and the middle of the song, and Taehyung’s all over the place. He’s got that kind-of-rap-verse, the bit where he talks and Hobi tells him to stop, and he’s got a super central part in the choreo at the end where the boys watch him do a move and then copy it. So, I think Boyz With Fun did what it should’ve done, which is highlight everybody’s charms.

I think the center for this song is so obvious I don’t even need to rewatch a performance of it to talk about it. I don’t know that this song is insanely popular with ARMY; I think it’s a song ARMY is fond of, but I don’t think it’s got I Like It status yet. I put it on the list because the old RUN BTS and Bon Voyage episodes played this song, like, all the time. That’s why I ended up liking it because I didn’t initially. Because of that, Converse High reads like that BTS B-side that’s promoted almost as much as the title track of the time. Other examples of this would be Mikrokosmos or Dionysus.

Center: Jungkook

It’s really just because Jungkook’s voice is everywhere in Converse High that he’s got to be the center. Airtime usually predicts how often a member will be in the center of the choreo, and Converse High is no different. I imagine Jungkook’s voice just sounded the best to BigHit since this genre is where a clean vocal will shine, but maybe they used Jungkook to juxtapose the meaning of Converse High. Sort of like “oh, doesn’t this song sound like a cute love song?” but it’s actually about what they want their girlfriend’s to wear, you know? I know there’s a lot of theories behind this song, including sexual ones or “fuck this shiny K-pop shit” ones or whatever, but still. Something to think about. Anyway, that was a tangent, and Jungkook is the center for Converse High.

Moving On is such a beautiful song, but up until Sowoozoo, I didn’t think it was considered one of BTS’s most popular B-sides. The fact that the boys performed it at Sowoozoo in 2021, though, made me think it meant a lot to them. I know it tells a piece of their history as young artists, but I hadn’t seen any performances of it past 2015, so the fact that they performed it in 2021 was really awesome.

No Center

This is a song that’s kind of like Life Goes On or Permission to Dance. Those songs were messages to ARMY that didn’t have the need to pick out one member or another to be the face of it, and Moving On is a message to the younger versions of BTS; every member has an equal opportunity to send that message, and that’s what makes the message all the more special.

Butterfly was used as a song to promote The Most Beautiful Moment in Life, Part 2, so clearly, it was deemed pretty important among BTS’s discography. Also, ARMY loves it. There’s always at least one B-side per album that is used like a title track in every other way but by having an MV. Butterfly is definitely one of those.

Co-Centers: Jimin, Taehyung, & Jungkook

I sort of feel like Taehyung could’ve been down as a secondary center, but he also feels like he fills the song more in the end where Jungkook fills it in the beginning and Jimin fills the middle and the end, so putting all three down seemed like the best option. There’s not really a reason to explain this beyond that it makes sense that these three are the most standout since they have the most parts. The maknae line really support this song with their various vocal tones since all three blend into the melody of Butterfly in a unique way. 

Of the B-sides that came out around this time, Whalien 52 is probably the least sensationalized, besides Moving On. I was conflicted about putting this one down, but I still feel like it’s reasonably popular among ARMY, and I kind of associate it with Butterfly, for whatever reason, so I had to include it.

Co-Centers: Namjoon & Jungkook

The best way to explain Whalien 52 is that you’ve got Namjoon leading the rap line and Jungkook leading the vocal line. Both of them are very present within the song, so it comes off almost like the other members are featured artists. That’s not really a bad thing for Whalien 52, though, since the story is told really well through Jungkook and Namjoon. The rest of the members offer great things to the tone of this song, but if we’re talking centers, Jungkook and Namjoon feel like they’re taking the lead.

Personally, I don’t think Ma City is one of my favorite B-sides, but from what I’ve seen in various videos across the internet, this song is comparable to Dionysus. That’s not something I necessarily agree with, but if it means enough to BTS to perform all the way up to 2019, and if ARMY love it, then I’ve got to talk about it. Ma City isn’t easy to choose a center for, because there definitely is one, but it depends on if you’re talking about the studio version or the live version. As I said already, I’ll be going with the live for the purposes of this post, so bear with me for this weird decision.

Co-Centers: Namjoon, Jimin, & Taehyung

Originally, Taehyung wasn’t a part of this line-up, and Jimin was a secondary center, but watching the live performance is what made me go with this. Taehyung doesn’t always sing the chorus in the live performances since it’s really hard to maintain a growl like he does in Ma City, but the fact that the chorus is his part is pretty significant. For Jimin, his part on the pre-chorus is, more or less, the most standout-ish part of Ma City. At least, for me. Maybe it’s the way Jimin does it, maybe it’s the melody, I don’t know. Namjoon, though, supports the song completely. He’s the absolute bones of Ma City, and that really comes through in the studio version. Each of these three contribute a lot to the sound of Ma City, so we’re looking at three co-centers.

BAEPSAE is a stronger song than so many other BTS songs, including the singles, and you can take that to the bank. Do I think it cracks the top 10? No. But I do think BAEPSAE is as good as nearly every other big BTS song. Of course, this is one that ARMY also thinks is amazing, and I’d say BTS do, too considering the fun they have with it on stage. If I ever decide to make a post about my favorite B-sides, BAEPSAE will be on it.

No Center

I don’t think I can justify a center for BAEPSAE because it’s almost like the song itself overtakes everything else. Like, yeah Jungkook’s rap verse is one of the best he’s ever done, yeah the rap line kill it, but BAEPSAE is also just that good, you know? Not that it doesn’t matter who’s singing it, but it makes the members shine rather than a singular member making it a wow song.

I’m more or less putting Wishing on a Star on here because I assume it’s a song the boys love. There’s a good handful of Japanese songs BTS hasn’t performed live or have only done so a few times; Wishing on a Star is one that keeps reappearing at Musters, so I figure I’d add it on here, despite it not being my favorite song in the world.

No Center

The reasoning for this is, more or less, because the vocal line (who are the predominant members in this song) all felt fairly represented in the line distribution. A lot of the time, you’ll get a B-side that’s really supported by one member or another while the remaining members fill in the gaps, but Wishing on a Star is feels evenly divided, so each member only stands out when their part comes up. There’s also no choreography, so that nixes that part of the equation. This is the case for some future B-sides, too, but Wishing on a Star only has a center so far as an ARMY feels like one member sticks out more than the rest to them.

I really didn’t like this song when I first heard it because I thought the composition of it was too confused and strange, but now that’s a reason that I love it. It’s one of those iconic BTS B-sides, which may have to do with the dance practice or the message of it or both, but I don’t feel like it’s talked about much anymore. I’m bringing attention back to it here because the centers for this song are so weird considering a pairing like this hasn’t ever happened in BTS’s discography before or since. Well, maybe with one exception. 

Co-Centers: Yoongi & Taehyung

I know that everyone calls this a Yoongi song, but to me, it really feels like Taehyung and Yoongi were meant to be partners for this song. The only other song I could liken it to is FIRE because these two are the most prominent in that era, but in 21st Century Girls, it’s like they’re side by side the whole time, while FIRE felt like they were independently central. Both Taehyung and Yoongi have central pieces in other places besides the chorus, but of course, the chorus is the main reason they come off as centers. The vocal and the choreo support it, and I think it’s really fun to have a song with Taegi at the center. I think Yoongi and Taehyung are very similar in their approach to music, so it’s cool to have them partnered in a song. I’m still waiting for a Taegi subunit, though.

This is, I believe, BTS’s first song intended as a message for ARMY, and because of that, it’s become very special to the fanbase. I don’t believe they’ve performed this recently, and I don’t believe they performed it a whole bunch to begin with, but it’s still such a special song that provides a harsh and hopeful view into these boys’ lives. I adore it for that reason, and so does the rest of ARMY.

No Center

This was probably an obvious answer, but like Moving On, 2! 3! doesn’t want to have a center because it’s supposed to a message that the members of BTS are telling ARMY in equal measure. What it did was allow each member to speak at the forefront of the song, rather than having a member at the center of it all. That’s what this song needed, and that’s why it’s so special.

This is another song that I didn’t really like that much because I’m not a fan of straight EDM songs, but I came to find it catchy and--weirdly enough--powerful. I’ve seen a lot of people say that Wings is an underrated song, but I feel like the love it gets from BTS and ARMY plants it firmly in the “iconic BTS B-sides” category. It’s certainly become a fan favorite, as is evidenced by BTS’s usage of it on the Speak Yourself tour and return to it in 2021.

No Center

I will say that Jungkook did feel like center for this B-side initially, but the way the boys perform it live makes it clear that a.) there’s a equal part for everyone and b.) the song is mostly about the beat, not the vocals. It’s a dance track, so it’d be hard to have a vocal stand out when the point of the song is to jam to melody of the music. Jungkook’s voice does sound the most fitting for this type of song, but Wings isn’t dominated by one member or another.

I don’t actually think this song is super popular among ARMY; I think the message of the song has been talked about a lot, but song itself isn’t circulated that much. That being said, I’m gonna talk about it because it was clearly meant as a song for ARMY, much like 2! 3! Since it’s got that kind of meaning attached to it for BTS, it should have that meaning among ARMY.

No Center

There’s a lot of “No Center” B-sides coming around now. I feel like I’m gonna repeat myself by explaining why there’s no center, so I won’t mention it again here. Especially since I’ll probably mention it again later. I will say that Yoongi and Hobi almost felt like centers because their verses stand out the most, but the fact of the matter is, the back half of the song is almost entirely the vocal line. Within the vocal line, Taehyung feels like he has a significant part, but it’s just in the last half. Basically, no center was the only conclusion I could come to.

I don’t think it’s a secret or a stretch to say that Best Of Me is a pretty basic song. However, that being said, it’s one of the handful of BTS B-sides that could’ve been a single. I mean, for BTS, it couldn’t have been, but for pop music in general, Best Of Me is the exact kind of thing that would be played over and over again on the radio. That would probably be why it was a song chosen for their comeback show--or it could be because of Andrew Taggart. Who knows?

Co-Centers: Jimin & Jungkook

Okay, this deduction is true, but like, barely. Genuinely, in the live performance, it doesn’t seem too much like Jikook are the centers; it’s mostly the vocal that makes me see it that way. Once you get past the first chorus, there’s a lot of Jikook in the vocal, and that does mean there’s a lot of Jikook in the choreo, but since Best Of Me has a lot to do with the beat--rather than the vocal--it still doesn’t feel like it has a secure center. I will admit, though, that Jikook do have a stronger presence in the song than the other members, choreo included. They’re almost like the silent centers of Best Of Me.

In the echelon of BTS B-sides, Pied Piper has got sit in the top 10, at the very least, along with the next B-side we’re gonna look at. ARMY absolutely love this song, and it’s become a mainstay in everyone’s favorite BTS songs list. Whether it’s the lyrics, the smoky sound, the way members perform it, or all of the above, Pied Piper is absolutely one of the best songs BTS has produced in their career. Iconic almost seems too small a word for it. It’s definitely gonna be a classic one day.

Co-Centers: Jimin & Jungkook

Yeah, the Jikook center in Pied Piper is just a skosh stronger than it was in Best Of Me. If you couldn’t tell, I was being sarcastic, because it’s really obvious that those two were meant to center this song. I’m almost 100% sure it’s because of their vocals, but it could also be because they were thinking about which members would project the tone of this song the best, and Jimin and Jungkook were the answer. You know, since they are the lead vocalist/dancer and center, respectively. I really do think it was because their voices matched the tone the nicest, though. I’ll keep my opinions reserved about who I, personally, like to hear in this song the most, but it’s no secret that songs that play on head voice and falsetto are always going to fall to Jungkook and Jimin because they’re the most developed members in those registers. Even if Jin and Taehyung have the potential to sound more interesting, at times. Jimin and Jungkook’s voices just fit Pied Piper, no doubt about it, so of course they were going to vocally center the song.

Here’s another one in the same class as Pied Piper, and honestly, Go Go is definitely treated as the more iconic BTS B-side. I mean, the sound of Go Go practically makes it a given that it’s going to be iconic, so I suppose there’s no surprise there. This is another BTS B-side that I didn’t really like when I was just casually listening to BTS’s music, but the deeper I got, the more I realized that Go Go is an example of how high-quality BTS can get with their music. Especially since Go Go doesn’t read like a standard pop song. I think Pied Piper, Go Go, and a handful of other B-sides are clear testaments to how incredibly talented and unprecedented BTS are as a group.

No Center

This was kind of a tough call to make, but the end of the day, no member feels like a true center for Go Go. Maybe it’s because the whole song is unique, so no matter who you’re focusing on, it all seems special. Jimin and Jungkook appear the most in the vocal, and Jungkook centers the choreo the most often, but honestly, if I was gonna peg a center for this era, it’d be Taehyung. I’d liken this B-side to JUMP in that way because a.) Taehyung’s got a pretty long rap-esque part and b.) his part is one of the highlights of the song. For me, it’s the highlight. Taehyung’s part in the second verse, and the fact that he starts the choruses, makes it feel like you’re waiting the whole song just to get to Taehyung. However, that being said, given that the frequency of Jikook is equal to the heavy presence of Taehyung--at least, in my opinion--there can’t really be a center. Plus, there’s the fact that Jikook, while having the most parts, don’t have all of the most impactful parts. A lot of that is the rap line and Taehyung. Bottom line, everyone feels just about equal in Go Go in terms of stand-out moments.

Don’t Leave Me is not it for me, I’m not gonna lie, friends. I still listen to it all the time when I’m going through my BTS playlist, but it doesn’t have the same magic a lot of other BTS B-sides do, in my opinion. I do think there’s some incredible vocal moments in here, though, and I think they all fall on the same two people, so I can’t really imagine any other members centering in this era but them. In fact, when I listen to this song, it’s kind of got a FAKE LOVE effect, where the main thing you notice are the two members jumping up to those high belts in the chorus--well, in FAKE LOVE, it’s actually the refrain, but you get where I’m going with this by now. Anyway, I listed Don’t Leave Me since BTS calls it a single, despite it not having an MV or any big promotion.

Co-Centers: Jin & Jimin

I’m not saying this to be rude, but Don’t Leave Me, deadass, reads as a song where everything is filler besides Jin and Jimin on the chorus. I’m not saying the other members don’t sound good; I’m just saying Jin and Jimin’s voices were definitely meant to be the part people focused on. And, to be honest, I think that’s fair, given the vocal prowess they demonstrate in Don’t Leave Me. Like, is it impossible for tenors to belt as high as they do in this song? No. Is it impressive that they’re able to do it so often? Hell yeah. I’ve always been amazed by Jimin and Jin in Don’t Leave Me, and with the way they stand out, it doesn’t leave room for any other member to center this song. But that’s okay. Every once in a while, it’s nice to have a song with super stand-out members. Every member has a song or two where that’s the case for them, and it’s cool to see the different combinations that pop up in those instances. Jin and Jimin are one such case, and I find the result really interesting.

Japanese Spring Day is one of the most powerful BTS songs, and you can quote me on that. It’s in the same league as Korean Spring Day, Life Goes On, Blue & Grey, Let Go, Mikrokosmos, and Magic Shop. I would venture that many other fans agree with me. Honestly, though, Crystal Snow is one of those BTS songs that just fills you up completely. It’s almost an overwhelming song to listen to, given all the emotion pouring out of it. I’ve gotta say, this is another B-side that really leans on the strong, power vocals coming from one specific member, just like with Don’t Leave Me, and I feel like it’s probably someone you won’t expect--unless you’re expecting it because you know my opinions already. I’m about to write an essay, so prepare yourselves.

Center: Taehyung

Taehyung is such a vocal athlete, and he’s got nothing but opportunities in Crystal Snow to demonstrate that. Crystal Snow marks a really big shift for Taehyung into these higher registers that he’s constantly singing in today. It’s not like he wasn’t hitting notes like this before now, and it isn’t like he still wasn’t singing outside of his vocal range before now, but Crystal Snow really pushed his limits, and he ended up surpassing them--by a good margin. Not to get on my shit again, but the notes Jinminkook are hitting in this song are within their vocal ranges. However, not only are they out of Taehyung’s, they’re way out of Taehyung’s. A baritone doing this with his voice shouldn’t happen as often as it does, and Taehyung’s now comfortable doing it. Absolutely amazing.

But it isn’t only the stunning vocals he’s producing that make Taehyung the center of Crystal Snow--it’s the parts he was given. Taehyung was prominent in Spring Day, as well, but Crystal Snow really pushed him to the forefront. It’s got the same feel as Butter, where you’re expecting the members to switch off more often, but instead, it’s Taehyung. Especially since Taehyung’s got the end of the chorus, the entire build of song is structured so it’s satisfied with Taehyung’s part. I imagine that has to do with the desire for his soulful voice to carry Crystal Snow, and it worked. I know there’s the triple high note, and Jungkook almost has as much airtime as Taehyung, and Jimin sounds incredible, but Taehyung has always felt like the point of Crystal Snow.

Secondary Center: Jungkook

Even though Taehyung was given the most central sections of Crystal Snow, there’s no doubt that Jungkook’s voice is supporting the song, as well. He’s got the foundational pieces of the song, and even though Jinmin are handling the adlibs at the end, if you’re listen to the whole piece, Jungkook is the one with the claim to frequency. It’s not because he had a lot of parts that I consider Jungkook the secondary center--it’s because Jungkook is the thread holding Crystal Snow together. Jinmin are nearly there in terms of being centers, but in the same way a single stand-out verse for Taehyung in Go Go wasn’t enough to center him, neither are adlibs. Even though the adlibs are absolutely stunning.

Knowing the truth behind this song makes me sad to this day, but there’s no doubt that it’s a beautiful song with a great performance. An unusual performance for BTS, to be sure, but still amazing. Oddly enough, Let Go is difficult to pin down a center for because the vocal and the choreo are so disproportionate, which never happens in BTS’s performances. There are songs where Hobi will step out to the center while Jungkook or Jimin are singing for a chorus, or a different member will center for a short dance break than the one who had just finished singing in the center, but Let Go so strongly features one member in the choreo that it makes that member feel like the overall center when, vocally, they’re obviously not.

No Center

Again, like, looking at the choreo only, Taehyung’s the clear center, but vocally, there isn’t a center at all. I imagine they centered Taehyung for the Let Go performance because this was supposed to be a goodbye song, and BTS have said Taehyung is what really drew people in initially, so maybe they wanted Taehyung to be the face of the goodbye. I know I said I was using the live performances to dictate my decisions, but Taehyung really wasn’t all the present in the vocal, at least, not more than anyone else. The choreo does make him closer to a center than the other members, but I think saying there’s no center feels better than giving it Taehyung for the choreo.

We’re getting into the Love Yourself: Tear B-sides, which, I think, are some of the best BTS B-sides yet. 134340 may be on the lower end of that list, but it’s still a better song than a good chunk of the B-sides we’ve look at so far. I feel like this and the following few songs are examples of BTS songs where every member gets to showcase their unique styles because each of their parts feels different, even if they’re singing the same line. 134340 is no different, which is probably why it’s a favorite among ARMYs.

No Center

I can tell you that the rap line and Taehyung definitely aren’t the centers, but I don’t think I can say Jinminkook are the centers. Airtime aside, 134340 is almost perfectly set up so that the members will all have equal parts. Granted, Taehyung fell through the cracks on the vocal end, but he usually does in the middle or at the end of songs. Jin wasn’t present in the beginning, so I suppose Taehyung and Jin balanced each other out. Either way, this isn’t the type of song that’s going to have a center, anyway.

Ah, the infamous “Why hasn’t BTS performed this live?!” B-side. Paradise made this list because of that reason. Prior to 2021, I hadn’t heard much about Paradise, but I’ve quickly learned that this is the single most popular BTS song that ARMY want to see performed live. And I agree. It’s a brilliantly catchy song, and I’d love to see how the members handle the melodies live, since there’s some fun vocal embellishments in the studio version. It’s also a crowd vocal song, which means it’d be super fun to sing with ARMY in the audience. Hopefully we’ll get to hear Paradise the next time a Muster can take place in a live venue.

No Center

Like, Jimin’s got the most airtime, right, but he doesn’t feel like the center of the song. Paradise is the type of sound that really fits Jimin, but with just the vocal to go off of, I can’t really say that makes him a center. Actually, Jungkook and Taehyung sort of feel more central than Jimin, despite Jimin having both pre-choruses. Anyway, I think Paradise it one in a long list of BTS B-sides that don’t actually have centers because the B-sides are typically more well-balanced than the eras are.

Why is it that BTS had all these great B-sides, but like, didn’t perform them until 2019, when they came out in 2018? Were they waiting for the entire Love Yourself album series to release? Either way, it’s a crime we don’t have more Love Maze performances because this song is vibey as hell, just like everything else that came from this album, and MOTS: Persona. ARMY definitely agree with this opinion, which is why it’s become one of the most successful fan-favorites.

Center: Jimin

You know, with the way Love Maze is structured, especially in the last half, it’s really hard for one member to center--and yet, somehow, Jimin managed to do it. Love Maze has got super short lines that feel evenly spread between the members, but if you’re really listening to it, Jimin is sewn into every piece of this song. It’s sort of like Taehyung in Crystal Snow. In retrospect, this makes a lot of sense because everything from Love Yourself: Tear to MOTS: Persona was really Jimin-heavy. I imagine that’s because BTS were produced a lot of groovy-sounding, R&B-esque music during that time, like Love Maze, and Jimin’s tone compliments that vibe really well. Love Maze ended up sounding like a song that Jimin was leading from beginning to end.

In terms of what Magic Shop could be categorized as, it almost feels like this song belongs outside the realm of both BTS eras and BTS B-sides. It’s more like a personal letter to ARMY, so it feels odd talking about in any type of technical terms. Besides that, I don’t think it’s any wonder how Magic Shop made the list of the most successful BTS B-sides. It’s one of those pieces that makes ARMY feel connected to BTS, and it may even be the most connective song we’ve got between us. A warm hug. That’s what Magic Shop is. Not a B-side. Anyway, enough gushing. Let’s get to the good stuff.

No Center

I was really counting on this one having a center, and I honestly thought it was gonna Vmin because I think of them as being super prominent in Magic Shop. I think my personal opinions clouded my perceptions of Magic Shop, though, because Jin is actually the one I feel like I hear the most throughout the song. That being said, Jin does read as a center. In fact, the individuality of the members kind of disappears for me, except in the beginning and the bridge--which is, maybe, why I thought Vmin would be the centers. Magic Shop feels more like BTS, as a whole, singing to us, not the individual members. So, ergo, no center. Sort of an interesting thing to notice.

I’d put Anpanman in the same arena as Go Go. Like, it’s got that party vibe that has made it a more popular BTS song than some of their singles and title tracks. It’s got a bit of childlike vibe, just like Go Go, but where Go Go feels mischievous, Anpanman feels uplifting. It’s definitely one of my most-listened-to B-sides because it’s fun, and it weirdly, it’s sort of another “Message from BTS” song. It’s got some of the best choreography, too, but that’s for another post. 

No Center

Lots of “No Center” B-sides piling up. Okay, there’s no center, but if there was gonna be, it’d be the rap line. Even though the vocal line have the chorus and the bridge, the punch in the song comes from the rap line. That being said, Taehyung’s opening of the song feels very central. It’s just that Taehyung barely shows up the rest of the time. Jikook have a lot of airtime at the end, but it feels like they’re barely in the first part of the song. You see why there’s no center? It was close for the rap line, but Anpanman just doesn’t end up having a center.

BTS and ARMY alike adore SO WHAT because it’s the hype song that’s perfect for the end of any concert. I’m not personally a huge fan of EDM songs, but I can’t deny the magic this performance has on stage. It’s like going to a huge house party with BTS as the hosts. It is a dance track, though, and those don’t typically have centers to them. Will it be the same for SO WHAT? Stay tuned on “This post is way too long; I’m just reading the headings at this point.”

Center: Jimin

SO WHAT is 1000 degrees of chaotic, so in a live performances, it’s kind of hard to pick out who’s sticking out, but Jimin is still a definite center for the song. He and Jungkook fit the best with EDM music, and they really utilized Jimin for So WHAT. It’s hard to explain, but it’s like it’s Jimin’s song, and he’s passing off some of his lines to other members to sing. I don’t mean that in a rude way, and, no, I did not forget the iconic Taejin bridge, but Jimin is still the most central member.

Secondary Center: Jungkook

I can’t really deny that Jungkook was all over SO WHAT, too, and I was gonna put him down as a co-center, but Jungkook still didn’t stick out as much as Jimin did. He was, without a doubt, the second most present, though. SO WHAT is sort of focused more on making a beat out of the members’ parts, rather than actually having those parts stand out, because it’s a dance track. So, you get a lot of repeating parts that are dependent on the beat to shine, but Jungkook still managed to stand out beyond that. I had to give him the secondary center position for that reason.

I’m not actually sure how popular I’m Fine is to ARMY, but to me, it looks like BTS presents it, almost, like a single. It’s reminiscent of the way Best Of Me was promoted, which makes sense, because they’re very similar songs. I don’t know if it’s the intricate performance or what, but I’m Fine definitely feels like an important song in the BTS discography, to me. Let me know if you don’t think it should be on this list, but I thought it was meant to be seen as the BTS single that never was.

Center: Taehyung

To be honest with you, Taehyung already felt like the center in my head, even before reviewing the live performance again. I will say, he doesn’t feel like a super established center, as the vocals were pretty evenly divided--actually, they were a bit Jikook dominant--but if you include the live performance, Taehyung does still read as a center. It’s especially true because of the choreo since Taehyung ended up being the central piece for the beginning and the end, plus the bridge had a central piece for him, as well, but the parts he was given were also key to him feeling like a center. Of course, he begins and ends the song, but it’s also the way the song ends. It’s got that reiteration of the “I’m fine” lyric that’s meant to bolster the feeling and purpose of the song, and since Taehyung got that part, it made him seem more central than the other members.

Answer: Love Myself is kind of like Magic Shop. Like, how can you talk about this song in technical terms when it’s just meant as a personal conversation between ARMY and BTS? We’re gonna talk about it anyway. I don’t think this song has gotten the same type of popularity that songs like Go Go or Anpanman have, but Answer: Love Myself is definitely a fan-favorite. There’s no doubt about that. And BTS love it a lot, too. It became sort of an anthem, more than anything.

No Center

I don’t know about you, but when I think of Answer: Love Myself, I think of Vmin’s high note. And, while it’s true that Jimin’s voice runs through the whole song, and Taehyung has some key parts, neither of them could be the center based on that since the other members were prominent, too. And since Vmin was, more or less, the only two contenders, there’s no center. Answer: Love Myself is one of those songs that doesn’t have to have one, though. Or rather, it isn’t supposed to have one. So, this is probably how it was gonna be, high note or not.

Depending on the day, this BTS B-side is my personal favorite. I do have a B-side that’s always my favorite, but many days, Mikrokosmos ties with that one. I feel like Mikrokosmos has become the face of BTS x ARMY in a lot of ways. It seems like it’s always going to be that one, special song that’s meant to tell the world about how important ARMY and BTS are to each other. Though Magic Shop may feel the most connective, I think Mikrokosmos does the job of making ARMY and BTS feel like one being. It really feels like a song that could’ve been a letter to BTS or BTS’s letter to us, and that’s why I adore it so much.

No Center

As this falls under the same category that 2! 3! and Magic Shop do, it’s probably self-explanatory as to why Mikrokosmos wouldn’t have a center. I mean, besides the whole “it’s a message from all of BTS” thing, Mikrokosmos is also really well divided between each member in terms of airtime. Well, between the vocalists, at least. If you couldn’t tell, the vocalists have more of an opportunity to center than the rap line does. Even if the rap line has the best parts in a song, the vocalists usually have the most, and that’s where the centers often come from. Back to Mikrokosmos: there’s no center. The end.

I didn’t really like HOME all that much to begin with, either, if I’m being honest, but now I think it’s one of the most fun songs to listen to from BTS’s discography. Again, I’m not sure if HOME is super popular among ARMY, and I know BTS kind of only performed it a handful of times, but since the quality of it is so high, I figured it belonged on this list.

Co-Centers: Jimin & Taehyung

Ah, ha! We’ve finally got our Vmin co-centered song. I think the way I feel this works is that Jimin is the one who’s all over HOME, Taehyung is the one with the important parts, and they both pop out. Jimin is, without a doubt, a center for HOME, even just based on the sheer amount of airtime he has. Not because it’s a lot, but because the airtime he has feels vital to the sound of the song. Taehyung, on the other hand, has a part in the first verse that’s become iconic, his part in the final chorus was built up to be more noticeable than the other members’ parts in that chorus because he belted, and he belted hard--in the studio version, that is, though he’s done it live once or twice, too--and he ends the song. So, yeah. I mean, I’ve always felt that Vmin were the most stand-out in HOME, and I still think they were meant to be the central members of it.

Okay, I know what I said about Mikrokosmos, and my ultimate favorite B-side is coming up, but don’t touch me when it comes to Dionysus. It’s such a damn good song. Like, it’s almost on par with ON, and I think that’s BTS best song of all time. They 100% promoted this song like it was a title track. Everywhere BTS went during this time, they were performing Dionysus, and often, it was a bigger performance than they were giving for Boy With Luv, which was their title track at the time. Dionysus is a king of a BTS song, and that’s not changing any time soon.

No Center

Considering all the aspects of Dionysus, no, there isn’t a center. If we’re talking about stage presence alone, though, it’s Namjoon and Taehyung, for me. They’re essence on stage is so damn strong during every Dionysus performance that it almost makes them eligible to be co-centers. Really, though, since the parts are allotted fairly equally, so it’s a toss up on who you consider to be the center. Honestly, depending on the energy, any of these member have the potential to be the center. It’s just that, overall, there isn’t one.

Here’s another song, like Paradise, that I hope we get to hear live one day. I mean, the way Jungkook reacted on his 24th birthday VLIVE tells me they kind of forgot it exists, but I can hope. I’d say the desire for BTS to perform this live is pretty high among ARMY, at least at the moment, so I’ve put Heartbeat on this list for that reason. I thought it was a little bit basic when I first heard it, but I still think it’s a beautiful song that the members did wonderful with.

No Center

As strong as my opinions are about who owned this era, I don’t think any of those opinions apply to a center for Heartbeat. Jimin and Jungkook seem like they’re very present throughout certain sections of the song, but then, Jin seems like he’s dominant after the bridge. I do, more or less, feel like the melodies in Heartbeat don’t actually lend themselves to members shining individually, but rather, as a whole. So, I’m gonna go ahead and say Heartbeat is almost a Jinminkook centered song, but not quite.

So, I personally wouldn’t have put Louder than bombs on this list, but RUN BTS told me that this song is one that ARMY really want a live performance of. I’m not exactly sure why--maybe because of Troye Sivan--but if ARMY want to see it badly, then it’s reason enough to put it on this list. I really liked the uniqueness of Louder than bombs initially, and I still commend BTS for always trying new genres and tones. It’s one of the many things that makes BTS amazing.

Center: Jimin

Okay, so this isn’t a very strong central focus Jimin has, but I do definitely see Jimin as more central than the other members. Well, I mean, barely, but still. Usually, Jungkook is the one that’s on every chorus, and the other members rotate, but this time, it was Jimin, and it was really noticeable. I mean, depending on the part, the other members did feel stand-outish. It’s just that Jimin’s presence was that strong. It makes sense, given the tone of this song, that Jimin would center for it, but I do think of this song as more Jimin-centric than it actually is.

I don’t know that We are Bulletproof: the Eternal is actually that popular among ARMY, but I wanted to discuss it out of respect for the message behind it. I think it’s a song that BTS meant to be very special, and it almost seems like more of a goodbye song than Let Go does. On certain days, I find this song really beautiful, on others I find it sad. I don’t listen to it often, but I always experience powerful emotions when I do.

Center: Jungkook

This is another instance where the center isn’t that clearly defined, but whether I’m watching it live or simply listening to it, it’s always felt like We are Bulletproof: the Eternal is being led by Jungkook. I imagine his parts at the beginning and end of the song make it feel like that, but I think giving him those parts was intentional. It’s sort of like Jungkook, the center of BTS, became responsible for presenting this song of gratitude to ARMY on behalf of all the members. It really isn’t something that comes across strongly when you’re considering the entire piece, but nonetheless, Jungkook still reads as a center.

I’m not gonna front and say I love this song as much as other ARMY do, or as much as BTS does, but I cannot deny that Your eyes tell has made quite the impact since it was released. Jungkook’s work usually does receive lots of love from ARMY, but I would venture that they get more love from BTS because they praised him for this song as much as they did for the rest of his music. That’s the main reason I put it on this list. If BTS really love this song, then it deserves to be recognized.

No Center

So, to be honest, in a live performance, Jimin is the member that sticks out the most, to me. However, in this case, I don’t think that equates to him being the center. It doesn’t feel as though Jimin is leading the song or that he’s sticking out because he was meant to be the center; the allotment of the airtime is fairly even, so Jimin only seemed to stand out because his vocals stood out--not because he was the face of Your eyes tell. That being said, it may seem odd that Jungkook wasn’t the center for Your eyes tell, but actually, when Jungkook writes for BTS, his presence isn’t all that strong. I wonder if that’s because he writes for others, rather than from his own experiences. Or, at least, that’s what he’s said. This was a long tangent, but Your eyes tell doesn’t seem to have a center.

This is the BTS B-side that, no matter what songs I may be in love with on a given day, will always be my number one. Blue & Grey absolutely blew me away the first time I heard it, even more so once I learned of the story behind it. Unlike Jungkook and his way of writing music, Taehyung wrote this piece from a hole he had in his heart, in an effort to heal it; that sincerity bleeds through Blue & Grey, and I haven’t heard a song before or since that has felt so utterly real. This is such a unique sound for BTS because it’s quintessentially Taehyung, and BTS being a part of the final product turned a beautiful piece, meant for a mixtape, into a masterpiece.

Center: Taehyung

Again, unlike Jungkook, since Taehyung initially wrote this for himself, his presence is very strong in Blue & Grey. To me, it feels very much like he’s given BTS permission to tell his story while he steers it, dictating only the beginning and the end. More than any other B-side, Blue & Grey feels like it’s being led by one member. I think, though, that was a necessary choice for the emotion behind Blue & Grey to be properly conveyed. I meant it when I said that BTS, as a whole, made Blue & Grey a masterpiece, but Taehyung had to be the main voice because this song is so personal for him. That’s what brings Blue & Grey to life. I would love to see Taehyung shine through more music in the future because he has the capability to create magic.

I knew this song was gonna remain a popular song for ARMY the second I heard it, but I didn’t know BTS themselves really loved Telepathy. In the same way Dionysus was performed a lot alongside Boy With Luv, for a while, it felt like Telepathy was Dynamite’s partner. It’s a song that mimics the style of Dynamite while feeling more like a BTS song. It was exciting to listen to something completely new from BTS, and I think that’s why ARMY responded to it so intensely. That might be why BTS did, too.

No Center

I had to watch three performances of Telepathy before figuring out that there is not, in fact, an intended center. At first you think it’s Jungkook because he has so many parts in the beginning, but in the middle, he’s not really there; then you think it’s Taehyung because he’s got a bunch of back-to-back parts, but I didn’t think it was quite enough for him to be the center; then you think it’s Jimin because Jimin dominates the end. If I had to choose, it’d probably be Vmin because those two really do dominate the last half of the song--plus they’ve got that cute little moment at the end where they’re both humming the melody. Taehyung definitely stands out the most performance-wise, but I don’t think any one member was intentionally put forth as a center. No matter how bubbly Taehyung is while they perform Telepathy.

We’ve come to Dis-ease, the last B-side from the BE album, and the image I have is crap. What can I say? I really wanted to use a photo from the live performance, and the boys weren’t together on stage until the end, so this is all I could grab. Anyway, when the boys released their BE-hind stories on YouTube, I found out from Hobi’s interview that he and Taehyung really love Dis-ease, and Jimin was really proud of the work he did on it. I’m unsure of how much ARMY love Dis-ease compared to the other B-sides on this list, but I’m in the same camp as Taehyung and Hobi when it comes to adoring it.

No Center

I wanted to say Jimin was the center, but I don’t think he really is. He is at the end, but then, Hobi feels like the leader of the song during his verse, yet not for the rest of the song. I will say that, oddly, Jungkook felt sort of absent in Dis-ease. Not because he doesn’t sound amazing--he always sounds amazing--but because his presence in the song was a lot weaker than it usually is. Just like every member has a song or two that they stand out the most in, every member has a song where they don’t stand out a lot. Though, Jungkook did still have key parts to sing in Dis-ease. Nobody really had central parts, though.

Alright, we’ve finally gotten to the end of the road with this post. I hope to add more in the future--hopefully soon. I know I skimmed over a lot of the early B-sides that a lot of fans adore, like COFFEE, Look Here, Blanket Kick, etc., but I didn’t feel like those B-sides stacked up to the reputation songs like Pied Piper and Go Go have. I also didn’t really feel like they’ve had longstanding love for them from BTS like Like It or BAEPSAE have, either. Not that BTS and ARMY don’t love those B-sides, but certain ones have fallen through the cracks where others haven’t. 

That’s why this post is a good jumping off point for ARMY to discuss other B-sides they love, because this is, by no means, and exhaustive list. I didn’t intend to name a center for each and every BTS B-side, as there are simply too many, but I think I covered all of the prominent ones. Let me know if you disagree with me--or if you agree, tell me why. There will be more to come in the future, so check back for updates once we’ve got new music to gush over!

[visander]

A Losing Game (3/6).

Magnus remembers when his life started to go wrong.

You can read this chapter on ao3 here. The wonderful art featured below was done by @thelightofthebane and by beta for this event was @bamf-alec​.

Chapter Three:

The next time Camille brought Magnus along with her to do something, they found themselves in an empty warehouse. Upon reflection, Magnus thought it was very cliché.. There was a man there, older than the last one. He was tied to a chair when Magnus and Camille walked in. Whoever had tied him was gone already and now it was just the three of them alone in that dark, drafty building. 

Magnus hesitated when he walked in and saw exactly what was going on, but Camille snapped at him to come in and he listened without a word. The man bound to chair was big and full of muscle. Magnus remembered being thankful that he was tied down because he was sure this man could beat the shit out of him if he wanted to.

He tried to ask why they were there, but Camille ignored him. She acted like she hadn’t even heard him speak. Instead, she focused on asking the man questions about who’d tipped him off, who’d told him this or that, who had betrayed her, acting as if Magnus wasn’t standing right there, watching in bewilderment. 

The man insisted that he didn’t know what she was talking about. Camille clearly didn’t believe him and Magnus himself hadn’t known what to think. Later, he’d be convinced that the hostage was innocent after all but back then, he hadn’t been so sure. He’d still been convinced that Camille wouldn’t do this to someone who was innocent. The last man she’d killed had to have done something deserving of his fate. This one too. There was no way this could all be happening to them for nothing. Magnus still thought that Camille wouldn’t do that. Even if they didn’t deserve death, they’d done something to get themselves here. 

Camille got sick of it all quickly: sick of trying to dig for answers and having the man insist he didn’t have any when she was so clearly convinced that he did. First, she slapped him across the face. Then, she punched him, and kept punching him until blood was dripping from his face down his chest and cascading across his body.  It was only his nose that was bleeding, Magnus recalled, but it was bleeding so much that the entire scene looked so much worse than it was. He hadn’t thought Camille’s delicate-looking hands could inflict so much damage. He’d been taken back that her nails still looked perfect. She tried for a while longer to get the man to give her answers that he truly didn’t seem to have, while Magnus stood and did nothing the entire time. 

He stared dumbfounded, not assisting her, but also not doing anything to help the man. He just stood there frozen with wide eyes and, when Camille finally turned to him and snapped ‘shoot him’, Magnus still didn’t move. His face twisted when he finally processed her words. His stomach flipped suddenly, making him anxious he’d throw up right then and there. He hadn’t signed up to shoot people. He’d never wanted to hurt anyone. He’d thrown up alone in the bathroom of his apartment the night he saw Camille shoot someone for the first time. Afterward, he’d promised himself that he’d never do what she did, no matter what Camille said. Magnus wasn’t a killer. 

He did try to refuse, at least.

“I can’t,” he had said to her. He’d thought Camille would be annoyed with him at first, but then she’d do it herself. She did have a gun, after all, same as the one she insisted Magnus be holding as they walked inside. Now, it was cold in his hands. The safety was off. It was loaded. It had been loaded the entire time he’d carried it on him, but it suddenly felt much less like a toy and more like a real thing, capable of ending someone’s life. How had he held this before and thought it was so cool?

Camille glared at him. Then, she moved towards the man in a flash of anger. She was ripping off the binds tying the man to the chair and then backing up with a look of calm contemplation and strange excitement. 

The man scrambled to his feet. Magnus expected Camille to shoot him right then. She had to be letting him get up so that she could shoot him. Yet, she didn’t raise her gun even when the man was standing. Magnus didn’t understand what she was doing until the man's eyes locked on the gun in Magnus’ hands. 

Camille would shoot the man if he dove towards her, but Magnus was the weakest link here and all three of them could see that plainly. The man Camille had brutalized could probably see it more than anyone. Magnus might be his chance at getting away alive. The man didn’t waste a moment before he was lunging towards Magnus, grappling to try and get the gun from his hands.

Magnus yelled for Camille, but she did nothing except stand and watch, blinking impassively as the scene unfolded around her.

Magnus raised the gun and pointed it at the man at last, yelling at him to back up. The man didn’t. Instead, he dove for Magnus again and, without even deciding to do so, Magnus found himself pulling the trigger. The man dropped to the ground before he could even process what he’d done. His ears were ringing with the sound of the gunshot. His hands were trembling as he lowered the gun. 

The man laid dying on the floor, choking and jerking as he made horrendous noises Magnus wished he couldn’t hear. It wasn’t like in the movies. He had shot him in the chest, but he didn’t die instantly. He stared wide awake with a panicked, far too human expression on his face as he struggled to breathe. 

Magnus only looked away when Camille reached out to tip Magnus’ jaw up towards her. “When I tell you to shoot,” she said, after a long moment. “You do.” Her words were sweet like velvet, discordant with the threat that lay plainly behind them, where the man lay dying on the floor, Magnus’ shaking hands still holding a gun he’d just fired.

Camille dipped forward and pressed her red lips against Magnus’. The kiss was not sweet. Her lips were cold and left dark lipstick smeared across Magnus’ face, marking him. Her sharp nails dug into the skin under his chin, leaving a shallow scratch mark as she finally pulled away and turned to leave him standing there, as if nothing at all had just happened between them, as if Magnus’ lips weren’t stained red like the blood that was trailing far too close to his shoes.

Just like before, he didn’t tell anyone about that night. He certainly didn’t tell Alec about the kiss. Somehow, it was the kiss that stuck in Magnus’ mind, lingering just as heavy as the memory of watching someone he’d killed slowly realize they were dying. It hadn’t felt like something romantic. 

It had been her showing him exactly how fucked he was. When Magnus kissed Alec later that night, he tried not to cringe at the feeling. If Alec noticed, he didn’t say anything about it. Magnus was thankful for it at the time.

Now, though, Magnus wished that Alec had noticed. He wished he’d asked what was wrong and refused to let Magnus push him away. He wished Alec had pushed him until he’d broken down and admitted it all.

Maybe, Magnus would have ended up in prison. He had killed someone, but maybe the police would have been able to help him, too. Either way, he was sure things would have ended up better than they did. Ragnor would have come to visit him. Alec too. Magnus never would have thought of being in prison as nice but it would have been. 

Magnus envied that version of him, locked up and ignorant to just how bad things might have gotten if he hadn’t been. 

.

The day passed in a weird amalgamation of fake normalcy. Magnus uncuffed Alec and let him go to the bathroom. After, he’d intended to cuff him back to the couch, but Alec had asked if he could have some coffee instead. Magnus nodded. When Alec sat at the counter with his mug, Magnus didn’t tell him not to. He could have cuffed him to the barstool if he really wanted but, thus far, Alec hadn’t moved to attack him or run outside, so Magnus let him sit, occasionally using his free hands to lift the mug to his lips. 

Alec eyed him, as if daring Magnus to break whatever moment they were having and restrain him again. When he didn’t, Alec’s first instance of  being unrestrained in Magnus’ house passed in silence. It was probably incredibly stupid for Magnus to loosen his control on Alec so easily, but he was hopeful that Alec understood the situation they were in now. If Alec wanted to leave, he’d have to hurt Magnus to do so. If he tried to leave, Magnus would have to hurt him in return to stop him. 

Magnus wasn’t sure of much between him and Alec but he did know that neither of them wanted that. Yet, Alec wanted to leave and Magnus couldn’t let him. He wasn’t quite sure how that would possibly pan out, but coffee at the counter as they made small talk wasn’t that awful a start. 

Alec, somewhat awkwardly, asked what Magnus had been doing recently. He struggled to answer and, after a long moment, Alec coughed and started telling him about how Izzy was dating this cute nerdy guy who Alec would never have thought she’d be into. He rambled on about it, clearly just trying to fill the silence with something.

Magnus and Izzy had always gotten along. They’d been friends towards the end, in a way that was more than just Magnus being nice to his boyfriend’s sister. He’d missed her for a while after everything happened. He’d lost more than just his boyfriend that day. He’d lost Ragnor. He’d lost Isabelle, who’d quickly become one of his best friends. The only one left had been Raphael and… well, it was a dark time for both of them. Magnus didn’t think he or Raphael had been a good influence on each other. 

Without Ragnor, their anger ricocheted off each other and amplified itself. Maybe, that anger had never really gone away. It had just stewed and become something more essential. Magnus was still angry. How could be not be? Ragnor was gone and he had nothing else to do but sit and blame the person who’d taken him away, along with Alec and anything else good that Magnus had ever had. 

“I missed you,” Magnus said aloud eventually. He hadn’t even been sure what Alec was saying before he cut him off. He was probably being rude, but he hadn’t exactly chosen to speak, either. The words had simply bubbled out and besides, they were something much more aligned with the truth than whatever odd conversation he and Alec had been having about siblings and partners. 

“I missed you too,” Alec murmured after a long, quiet moment. He seemed reluctant to admit it. Magnus wondered why. He wondered if it was a lie. He wondered if it mattered even a little bit if it wasn’t the truth. 

He and Alec were soulmates. Magnus knew without a doubt that their story was supposed to end with them together, and yet, that wasn’t what happened. Did it matter that they’d missed each other, when considering everything else? No, it didn’t. If anything, it made everything even more tragic and the last thing Magnus needed was another tragic fucking story. 

Magnus got up, moving to do the dishes. Alec sat behind him. Neither of them spoke, until Magnus finally turned and led Alec back into the living room, where he cuffed him to the couch yet again. 

When he glanced down at his phone for the first time that morning, he had a message from Raphael. It read simply: ‘She’s pissed.’

Magnus shoved his phone into his pocket without answering. They’d known she would be. That was the point. 

.

Magnus tried not to think about the night that everything changed. He and Raphael didn’t speak about it, even after all these years. They had never spoken about it. They probably never would. 

Magnus was fine with that. He tried not to think about it. He tried not to think about what he could have done differently. He tried not to think about the countless mistakes he’d made. He tried not to think about the fact that it was all his fault, but at night, even after all these years, he still had nightmares about it. 

He didn’t think he’d had a single nightmare since that didn’t involve Ragnor, Camille, Raphael and Alec. Every nightmare he had involved one of them; Ragnor most often, Alec coming in just behind and on the tail end were Camille and Raphael. Sometimes, he dreamt about what actually happened. He relived it night after night, though sometimes his head was much more creative. 

He dreamed about things going differently. He dreamed about him and Alec making it work somehow. He dreamed that they’d stayed together. He dreamed of Ragnor at their wedding, giving a speech. Everything was always perfect and then, in the end, Camille always showed up again. Magnus dreamed that she shot Alec, Ragnor, and then, she shot him. Sometimes, Raphael was there. Sometimes not. Ragnor always died and Magnus’ dream always ended just as Camille raised a gun and shot him, too.

They say if you don’t wake up when you die in a dream, you die in real life. Magnus never had the pleasure of seeing if that was true or not. He always woke up just then, covered in sweat and gasping for air like he’d been holding his breath all night. 

That night, with Alec cuffed on the couch for the second evening in a row, Magnus had that same dream. This time, though, he got to get up and stared at Alec from the doorway, watching his chest rise and fall in time. This time, Magnus got to get up and see that Alec was fine. He was alive. Camille had not come to kill him in the middle of the night. 

That night, Magnus didn’t stay awake worrying until sunrise. He didn’t work himself up in circles, worried that something had actually happened to Alec and having to convince himself that Alec was probably fine and it was just a dream, having to remind himself that Alec didn’t want to hear from him, even if something was wrong. 

But even watching Alec, there was something about the dream that lingered in Magnus’ head. There was something about Camille, something about the way she’d looked that Magnus couldn’t quite shake. He convinced himself that it was anxiety left over from the dream, that it was something about being the only one awake late at night, something about seeing Alec on his couch, something about the situation they were still trapped in. 

He brushed it off, but staring at Alec, he felt a slow cold dread spreading in his stomach. For just a second, something occurred to him that hadn’t before, something that he shrugged off in the warm, comforting morning light. 

What were the odds that Alec just happened to be there, guarding a shipment that was intended for Camille? One she’d have to know they’d want to sabotage, one she might have suspected they were looking into? What were the odds of that being an accident? 

Magnus got himself a glass of water then went back to bed, where he struggled to sleep for a few more hours before he finally drifted off. He didn’t think about it again after that. Alec worked for a small, specialized company. There were only so many of them and, if you wanted the best security in New York, you’d call them. It made sense why Alec had been there. It wasn’t very coincidental at all, when Magnus really thought about it. The odds were rather high.

That was another mistake Magnus made. He should have thought about it a little more. He shouldn't have brushed off what occurred to him that night.

The next morning, he woke up and uncuffed Alec like he had the day before. They made breakfast together and sat silently, eating as if everything was normal. Magnus didn’t think about Camille once. 

.

“So, you’re just going to keep me?” Alec asked evenly the next afternoon. 

Magnus was sitting with a book propped open on his knees. He’d been pretending to read it and trying not to glance over to Alec, wondering what he was thinking about, when Alec finally spoke.

Magnus pressed his lips together and pointedly didn’t look up. He turned a page and found even more words that didn't seem to mean anything to him. “What else would you like me to do with you?” he asked. 

Alec stared at him, his uncaring facade cracking. “You can’t just keep me. I’m not a pet you picked up.” Alec’s voice rose in anger. He hadn’t gotten angry with him since the day Magnus had first taken him. “I have a life, Magnus. I have a life outside of you and whatever criminal mess you’re constantly wrapped up in.”

Slowly, Magnus closed his book. He looked up to Alec, scanning his angry face. Alec looked like he expected him to be angry at his outburst in return, but Magnus wasn’t. Part of him wanted to breathe a sigh of relief. Being around Alec didn’t make any sense. Having breakfast with him, making small talk like nothing was wrong — none of it made any sense but this, this finally did. 

“My other option is to kill you,” Magnus said softly. It could have been a threat. To anyone else being held hostage, it probably would have been, but Magnus didn’t mean it as one. He wasn’t trying to scare him. It was just the truth. 

He couldn’t let him go. He was willing to do so much for Alec, but letting a witness who’d seen what Alec had seen go like nothing had happened was out of the question. Magnus couldn’t do that, not even for him.

Alec blinked as his words sunk in. The anger disappeared on his face. They stared at each other for a long moment before Alec, in an equally as soft tone, said, “So, what? I just stay here, tied to your couch every night? I never see my family again? No one knows where I am or what happened to me? I just disappear and stay trapped in your loft for the rest of my life?”

Magnus moved to put his book down on the coffee table. “That—” he said as he rose to his feet, “—or I could have someone shoot you.”

He stared at Alec, gauging his reaction. He was past the point of pretending he’d be able to do it himself. If Alec would rather that, Magnus could call Raphael and have him do it. Then, he would take a very long vacation and contemplate throwing himself off a bridge, like he had years before.

This time, Magnus might just go through with it. He wasn’t sure.

When Alec said nothing, Magnus went to go make them both a drink. For the first time since he’d gotten there, Alec accepted the whiskey that he was handed. He grimaced as he took the first sip and then downed the whole glass in one gulp and made a face after like it was the most disgusting thing he’d ever tasted. 

“Another?” Magnus asked, half joking.

Alec handed his glass back with his uncuffed hand and nodded. 

.

“How could you keep doing it?” Alec asked after a while, his words forced out like he couldn’t bear to hold them in any longer. He’d had more than a few drinks and Magnus had as well. Apparently, they were past the point of avoiding questions and holding back their words. At least, Alec was. 

“What do you mean?” Magnus asked, pretending not to immediately understand the question. 

“After what happened, how could you just keep doing it?” Alec looked up at Magnus, his eyes desperate for an answer, desperate to understand. Magnus wondered how long he’d wanted to ask Magnus that. He wondered if Alec would be disappointed at the truth.

Magnus shrugged one shoulder. He looked away. He was sick of looking at him. He was sick of the way his heart ached when he did. He could ignore it normally, but the alcohol made everything worse. Whiskey was his heartbreak drink and it was the only thing he’d drank for years after he and Alec stopped talking. Perhaps, choosing it again tonight hadn’t been a wise choice.

“Why would I stop?” he asked eventually. He dared a glance over. “I didn’t have you anymore. I didn’t have Ragnor.” Magnus knew his words were bitter. That wasn’t fair. It hadn’t been Alec’s fault they’d stopped talking. Neither of them had a choice, but that was the moment that Magnus’ life had irreparably changed. Burying Ragnor, losing Alec — what else did Magnus have to do besides get revenge? He had no one else to fight for, no one to change for, no better life to long for with anyone who mattered. Ragnor had been Magnus’ best friend, Alec his life. Without them, Magnus hadn’t cared anymore. 

“I stopped caring. Nothing mattered anymore,” he summarized finally. He took a sip of his drink and then choked out a soft, bitter laugh. “I was dead, Alec. What else could I do?”

“You could have come back to me,” Alec murmured quietly. Magnus thought he was kidding but, when he looked up, Alec was staring back seriously, his eyes soft and hurt. “We could have run away together. You could have stopped. Everyone thought you were dead. You could’ve been anyone. I could have become anyone.” Alec fell silent as if he’d suddenly realized just how unrealistic that all would have been. 

Not impossible, no. Some people did that. Some people left and managed to find a new life so disconnected from their old one that they never had to look back, but the odds of that having worked out for them were so slim. Alec’s family would have done anything to find him. They’d have followed him to the ends of the earth, even if he didn’t want them to.

They’d have gotten caught or recognized somewhere. Something would have gone wrong. It was a nice thought anyway, a nice thought now gone sour with age. 

“I loved you so much,” Alec said finally.

“I loved you too,” Magnus responded. 

Neither of them said anything else. There didn’t seem to be anything else to say. What was the point in thinking about how things could have been different? There wasn’t one, but Magnus understood anyway. It seemed so impossible that they’d ended up here and not in one of the millions of universes Magnus was sure existed where he and Alec were together and happy and where Ragnor wasn’t dead. 

He didn’t think there was anyone who had ever loved someone as much as he loved Alec. It was truly astonishing that that hadn’t been enough. 

.

Everything with Alec came to a head far before the night it actually happened. Perhaps, they had been doomed from the start and it hadn’t been Camille who’d ruined them at all. Magnus wasn’t sure and he wasn’t going to dedicate his time to rehashing it. What he did know was that they fought. They’d been together for about a year at that point, the happiest year of Magnus’ entire life still and up until that point, they’d never really fought before.

The only time they’d come close, they had been disagreeing about Magnus’ work with Camille. That’s what they fought about that day too and yet, the day had started so nicely. Ragnor was gone, leaving Alec and Magnus in their apartment all alone. They’d made out on the couch and done nothing but enjoy the presence of each other all morning. Those days were Magnus’ favorite. Even now, he’d look back and remember those mornings with Alec pressed against him as something sacred and blissful. He’d go there in his head when he needed an escape and he was weak enough to allow himself to. 

Eventually, the kissing had come to an end and Magnus had told Alec that he was meeting Camille later. It was supposed to be Magnus’ day off, but he didn’t officially have days off and even when he tried to ask Camille not to call him on specific days, she only seemed more inclined to call him then, so he’d stopped asking.

Looking back on it, Camille had been jealous of Alec. She’d been jealous of Magnus’ devotion to him. Magnus was stupid and blinded when it came to her but he still loved Alec more than anything else and Camille hadn’t liked that one bit. 

Alec had gotten mad at him. He’d told him that he didn’t like Camille or that Magnus was working for her, but Magnus had heard all of that before. He knew Alec didn’t like her. Then, Alec had said something Magnus hadn’t heard before.

“I found blood, you know,” Alec had snapped. “On your shirt after you came home last week.” 

Magnus was sure he looked horrified when Alec’s words sunk in. He wasn’t that good at hiding his emotions back then. Alec had liked that, how open he was. Now, he could hide everything without even trying. He supposed he and Alec had that in common now.

“Whose blood was it?” Alec asked when Magnus failed to speak.

Magnus didn’t answer him. What was he supposed to say? That he’d shot someone? That he didn’t even know the guy's name? Instead, he turned and stormed out. He was angry but, truthfully, he wasn’t angry with Alec, even then. He was angry with himself and, for the first time, he was angry with Camille for making him do all of the things she had. 

Magnus knew then that he was going to lose Alec. He’d thought for a while that Alec would realize Camille wasn’t all that bad and it would be fine, but that wasn’t the case. Camille wasn’t fine. What Magnus was doing with her wasn’t fine and if he didn’t do something about it, he was going to lose Alec. 

Outside, Magnus just happened to run into Ragnor.

Magnus wondered a lot what would have happened if Ragnor hadn’t come home right then. Magnus would have left. Maybe, he’d have gone to confront Camille by himself. Camille might have shot him instead. Or maybe Magnus would have sat outside and calmed down enough to realize that was a horrible idea. Maybe, he’d have gone inside and told Alec everything instead and Alec would have convinced him to go to the police for help.

 Magnus wasn’t sure, but either way, he was sure that Ragnor would still be alive. Magnus might have died in his place, but maybe he wouldn’t have. Maybe, he and Alec would have figured it all out and he would never have lost his best friend. Maybe, he and Alec would have been happy together for the rest of their lives, like they were supposed to be.

None of that was what happened. 

Instead, Magnus sat in Ragnor’s car and broke down crying. Magnus didn’t tell Ragnor everything that had happened, but he managed to tell him about the first man he’d seen Camille shoot and that had seemed to be enough for him to understand. He didn’t tell him about the man Camille had forced him to shoot. He didn’t tell him about all the people who’d come after.

He’d been so scared Ragnor would hate him if he knew everything. He loved Ragnor so much. He looked up to him and admired everything he did and, for some reason, he looked at Magnus and saw something worth admiring back. He couldn’t deal with Ragnor hating him. 

Ragnor paled at what little Magnus had managed to say, but he also didn’t look surprised. He didn’t look scared either and that calmed Magnus so much. Ragnor always knew what to do. He always took care of everything. 

“We’re going to go to her and you’re going to give her the gun back and you’re going to tell her you’re done,” Ragnor said calmly. 

Magnus had brushed his tears away and then nodded. If Ragnor said that’s what they’d do, then of course that’s what they’d do. 

Looking back on it, Magnus wasn’t sure what Ragnor had been thinking. Magnus was pretty sure Ragnor had thought Camille wouldn’t hurt them. They, unlike the man she’d shot, had people who’d miss them. They had phones with location services on. They were even connected to Camille. Magnus had a photo of him, Camille, Alec and Ragnor in his room, taken back when Magnus had still thought Camille was everything she wasn’t.

They would be too messy to hurt. That’s probably what Ragnor had thought. She wouldn’t be that bold. They were safe. If Magnus went and told her he was done, that would be the end of it. 

Magnus should have told Ragnor everything. He should have made sure he understood the scope of what was happening here, but he hadn’t. He was ashamed of how far he’d let it go and he didn’t want to tell Ragnor about what he’d done. So, he didn’t and even though he knew better, he started his car and he drove them to Camille’s, so Magnus could tell her he wasn’t working for her anymore and pretend that he thought that would go over well.

Magnus had understood the situation so much more than Ragnor did. He knew how unhinged Camille was. He knew how untouchable she’d made herself. He should have insisted that it was a bad idea. Ragnor would have trusted him if he had said it, but Magnus just wanted so desperately for someone else to tell him how to make this right.

He had never regretted being so selfish in his entire life. That moment where he decided to listen to Ragnor when he knew he shouldn’t, when he knew Ragnor didn’t understand how bad it was, haunted him like the rest of that day would.

Last Chapter | Master Post | Next Chapter.

[afterspark-podcast]

My Little Pony/Transformers: Friendship in Disguise, Part 2 Transcript

[This can also be found on AO3!]

[Stinger]

O: [laughing]

S: Like, I told you about this before.  You- you know my reasoning, you know where it comes from.

[Intro Music]

O: Welcome back to our April Fools’ Special!

S: For the My Little Pony/Transformers crossover.

O: Today we will go through issues 3 and 4, which will finish this little series and now on to part 1 of issue 3- Fluttershy makes friends, or [clears throat] um, ‘Pet Sounds’.

S: Fluttershy and Discord are in Fluttershy's house having a tea party, when they hear a very loud noise outside.

O: Discord, for reference, is a reformed villain in the series.  He's basically just Q from Star Trek if Q were an amalgam of a bunch of different critters all smooshed together.  (Including being played by the same actor.)  Ah, but he's good friends with Fluttershy at tha- this point in the series, presumably.

S: Outside in a crater, Soundwave emerges concluding that this world is ‘illogical’.

O: Fluttershy asks Discord if he's trying to play a trick on her, but he says even he can't think of something this bizarre.

S: Soundwave scares several of Fluttershy's animal friends, who flee into her house for safety.

O: Fluttershy attempts to calm them by saying, “No one's all bad!”  Before she catches sight of Ravage, Ratbat, Rumble, and Laserbeak.

S: Her first instinct is, “I can bond with this person!  He has PETS!!!”

O: Pretty much.  Fluttershy gathers up a few of her animal friends and flies directly over to Soundwave to introduce herself.

S: Said animal friends do not appear to be happy about this turn of events.

O: I don’t blame them!

S: Soundwave does not detect a threat from Fluttershy, but correctly detects a threat from Discord.

O: Meaning Soundwave can scan for chaos magic.

S: Well, considering Starscream, I'm pretty sure he can just scan for chaos in general.

O: [laughs] That's not a bad way of looking at it!  Soundwave begins attacking Discord, while the cassettes make a beeline for Fluttershy

S: Rumble, being the only one who can presumably speak in this group, starts badgering Fluttershy for information about this world's defenses.

O: And also, “Why does everything smell like lavender!?”

S: The Decepticons… I guess, know what lavender smells like.

O: I think the question is, do the Decepticons like what lavender smells like?

S: Very good question.  Discord proceeds to make a nu- a nuisance of himself to Soundwave, transforming into a metallic version of himself.  With puns even!

O: [snorts] Fluttershy, being Fluttershy, spots a scratch on Ravage's nose.

S: Or a booboo, as she calls it.

O: And pulls out some ‘booboo cream’ to tend the wound.

S: Ravage looks rather disarmed by all of this attention.

O: The rest of the animal cassettes all gather around Fluttershy, while Rumble is in the background getting more annoyed as he protests that it's not a ‘booboo’ it's ‘battle damage’.

S: Rumble backhands the cream out of Fluttershy's... hand?  Hoof?

O: Hoof, probably. [laughs]

S: To the shock and chagrin of the rest of the cassettes, Discord, and all of the animals in the vicinity.

O: Fluttershy gets upset because she was, “Trying to be nice!”

S: The other three cassettes turn on Rumble, as Discord transforms Fluttershy's animal friends into little robot versions of themselves.  Surprisingly menacing ones!  And they all attack Soundwave.  Soundwave gets to learn what being attacked by a dozen rabid little bunnies feels like.

O: Rumble attempts to dissuade his fellow cassettes from murder, invoking the ‘f word’.  The ‘f word’ being ‘friendship’ here.

S: Fluttershy immediately changes her tune and asks if friendship is what they really care about.

O: Soundwave responds with, “Unquestionably: Friendship superior.”

S: While being covered in a bunch of tiny, rabid, metal animals.

O: Yes.  The fighting stops, as Fluttershy says they can start over and be friends.

S: Discord points out that he could just turn them all into little pretty ponies, but doesn't.

O: The animal friends are returned to normal, and Rumble apologizes to Fluttershy.

S: Megatron coms Soundwave at this point, and tells him to meet up with the rest of the Decepticons.

O: Soundwave responds in the affirmative, but with the caveat of, “Eventually.”

S: And the final panel has Soundwave sitting down and looking on at- as his cassettes and Fluttershy frolic.

O: It is a stupidly cute panel.

S: Mm-hmm, Rumble has a bunch of bunnies in his arms.

O: Ravage is playing with a birb.

S: Laserbeak and Ratbat are both giving tiny animals rides.

O: And Discord is giving Soundwave a thumbs up.

S: It's happy communication all around.

O: Right!? Like, this is what Soundwave deserves, okay!? This is my humble opinion- Soundwave should just stay here and be happy.  I actually would pay good money for a crossover- like, a crossover fic of them.  Just Soundwave helping with like, Fluttershy's animal hospital thing.  That sounds so cute! [laughs]

S: It would be a relaxing vacation for him.

O: He deserves a relaxing vacation.  My boy deserves a relaxing vacation!  Also, just going to pause- if you guys hear creaking, I am super sorry.  But we- my neighbor is moving around a lot for some reason, and there's a lot of cranking going on here.  So, sorry you can hear that.

S: Issue 3 part 2, “The Flying Fox Trot,” begins with Rainbow Dash reclining on a cloud and chomping on an apple, content with life.

O: At least until Windblade zooms by, dissipating Rainbow's perch.

S: The two introduce themselves to each other and rainbow proclaims herself as, “The fastest in Equestria!”

O: To which, Windblade, seasoned warrior, plane with literal jet engines, asks, “Until I showed up?”  Of course, the only way to settle this is with a race, apparently.

S: Considering Rainbow Dash's personality, yeah.

O: Yeah.

S: At the starting line we get cameos from some horse-based Transformers, Mach Kick and Battle Unicorn.

O: Which, honestly, since one’s a horse and one's a unicorn, I'm just amused that these exist at all- in a toy line for boys.  And also, I kind of want them on principle.

S: They're-

O: They look amazing. [laughs]

S: With very convoluted transformations.

O: Apparently.  Because apparently, you can't, you- you- you- can take the horse out of the organic but you cannot take the horse out of a horse.

S: [laughs]

O: I know that wasn’t right.

S: You can take the organic out of the horse, but not the horse out of the robot.

O: Yes.  So it's, uh, anatomy is just about as bad as a real horse is what I'm getting at here. [laughs]  Windblade and Rainbow Dash take off and are neck and neck, figuratively speaking, since Windblade doesn't have a neck right now, but whatever.  Until they run into a gaggle of Decepticons.

S: Misfire and the Rainmakers not- well, to be specific.  And honestly that just sounds like a band name?

O: Jem and the Holograms’ new rival! [laughs] I like- great- okay, okay, I know- I know- I know that we were talking about this in our warm-up, not in the actual episode but if you want to get into weird things you can that like, fit into the Transformers-verse, arguably Jem and the Holograms takes place in the fit into the same continuity.  And in fact, there was a G.I. Joe character whose entire backstory is that he was a roadie for Jem and the Holograms, and G.I. Joe definitely takes place in the same universe as Transformers.

[Okay, so like, I’m not wrong per say, but arguably Transformers, Inhumanoids, G.I. Joe, and Jem and the Holograms all take place in the same universe due to the presence of Hector Ramirez in all four series. ~O]

S: And considering the comics, which definitely have had multiple G.I. Joe crossovers.

O: Yeah, but not Jem and the Holograms.  Like, I think the last IDW Jem and the Holograms was kind of weird because it didn't- it didn't tie in with the rest of like, the Hasbroverse.

S: Mm.

O: Anyway, I'm sorry, tangent!  It just cracks me up that's all.

S: [laughs] The Rainmakers popped up in a season one episode, in G1, when the Autobots had to visit Cybertron.

O: Misfire doesn't show up in G1 till like, very late season four, and by late I mean, season four only has like, what?  Three episodes?

S: Mm.

O: But, you know what I mean!  And he's more widely known from his IDW appearance with the Scavengers, who are ‘sirs not appearing in this comic’.

S: And also for his incredibly bad name-

B: [laugh]

S: And also for his imp- incredibly bad aim, for which, poor Misfire gets his name.

O: Rainbow Dash suggests doing the ‘Flying Foxtrot.’

S: Which Windblade, understandably, is not familiar with.

O: And I'm half convinced that Rainbow Dash made it up, but whatever!  This entire thing seems to be baiting the Cons into shooting heat seeking missiles at the two of them, and then nyrooming behind them so that the missiles hit the Cons instead.

S: The comic ends with Rainbow Dash and Windblade agreeing to a tie and sitting atop a pile of Rainmakers and Misfire.  Who all look like they are regretting their life choices.

O: They were defeated by a pony, [speaks while laughing] I would hope they were regretting their life choices! [returns to speaking normally] Issue 4, part 1, is, “Strength in Numbers,” featuring Applejack and the Insecticons.

S: It opens with Applejack being very upset that there are some giant ass bugs in her orchard, eating everything.  And, I mean, she unfortunately has a super big pest problem here.

O: Which is a bad thing when her entire income is dependent upon farming.

S: Yep.  The Insecticon horde is very happy, and surprisingly cute as they munch on delicious apples and trees.

O: Applejack attempts to chase them off in multiple ways… none of which work.

S: Spraying them with the hose, hitting them with rakes, spraying them with the hose again, and then trying to push them off the apple trees.

O: Back inside her house, she brainstorms more things to try when Discord appears out of nowhere and she too is like, “Are you playin’ a prank, Discord!?”

S: Well, if i lived in ponyverse or-

O: Equestria.

S: Equestria, I think that might have been my first thought too.

O: I mean, fair.  Giant insects are eating her apples.  Like, who else could do that but Discord on a normal day? [laughs]

S: Mm-hmm.  However, Discord says that this stuff is too mundane to be one of his pranks.

O: Applejack asks for his help.  He declines, as he'd much prefer to watch this madness, but he does summon all of the Apple Family to aid Applejack.

S: The Apple Clan is here!

O: No, really, like, ALL of them are here.  And I am not listing them off, because it's pretty much every single Apple character that appeared in the show at some point.

S: So all of the Apple Clan charge in, and I'm kind of wondering now if he like, showed up and briefed them all- just-

O: [laughs] I think they all saw through the portal, and saw bugs eating apples and were like, “My people are calling me!” [laughs]

S: My- my home needs me!

O: My home needs me, exactly.

S: Babs Seed, Big Mac, and Apple Bloom take out an insecticon by themselves by kicking it,

O: Which are Applejack's cousin, older brother, and little sister, respectively.

S: Several other Apples take out other Insecticons with ropes.

O: And an elderly Apple accidentally kicks one of Bombshell's Cerebral Shells back onto him and then orders him to go away while she's sort of flailing.

S: Accidental mind control, here we are!

O: And the day is saved thanks to the Apples, and we move on to the final chapter of the crossover fittingly called, “Finale.”

S: We open in the Crystal Empire with one of the other princesses of Equestria, Princess Cadence, as several of Twilight’s students report back to her that the Decepticons are nowhere to be found, but are likely planning an attack according to the Autobots.

O: Speaking of attack!

S: [sighs] The wall is smashed in as Megatron, Queen Chrysalis, and their allies arrive and demand that they hand over all the magical artifacts.

O: Twilight Sparkle and Optimus arrive just in time.

S: Optimus attempts to get Megatron to leave with politeness.

O: Surprising no one who's dealt with Megatron for more than 10 seconds, he declines. [laughs]

S: And with a combined call of, “Transform and trot out!” and, “Till everypony are one!”  …Oh, so grammatically incorrect.

O: [laughs]

S: The Autobots and their allies go on the offensive.

O: And I get secondhand embarrassment from those lines existing in a printed form.

S: Pinkie Pie throws a pie in poor Soundwave's face.

O: And we get a pretty great two-page spread where a variety of things are happening...

S: Rarity is riding in Arcee's vehicle mode as they launch themselves at Shrapnel.

O: Optimus is punching the crap out of Starscream.

S: Megatron orders Shockwave to just get some magical shit already!

O: Bumblebee goes on a tangent about Equestria's tasteful decor.

S: More bickering back and forth, and went- then Twilight summons the orange cap of shame onto Megatron's Fusion Cannon.

O: For reference, this is referring to the fact that Megatron with his original alt can't normally be sold without said orange cap identifying that he's not a real gun.  Which was a thing that was put into place after- or like you know, late 80’s, early 90’s.  Um, at least, you know, he can't be sold without this in the states and personally I think it's fucking hilarious.

S: And through the powers of friendship and Spike's awesome skills, the Space Bridge opens and Spike and Grimlock come through and assist.  And this is dragon Spike.

O: Yes.

S: Not human Spike.

O: Oh- to which, dragon Spike is wearing adult human Spike’s exo suit though.

S: Mm-hm.

O: To make this more confusing, how many Spikes would you like to go around?  That sounds really dirty within the fandom- and I'm gonna move right along!

B: [laugh]

S: Twilight and Optimus use alicorn magic and the Matrix in tandem to send the Decepticons home.

O: One delightful tea and Energon party later… the Autobots arrive back home themselves.

S: Optimus then explodes the space bridge behind them to protect Equestria from the Decepticons.

O: Much to the sadness of the Autobots, who enjoyed their time with their new friends.

S: Unfortunately for the ponies, Shockwave might have figured out a way to bring them to Cybertron instead.

O: And on that sequel bait, the crossover ends.  And yes, there is actually a sequel that's been announced.  In fact, I think the first issue or two might be out, and we're definitely looking forward to reading it at some point.

S: I feel like I've definitely seen a cover…

O: Other than that, what were your thoughts and feelings about this crossover?

S: The colors and such were really nice, but the cartoony style that the My Little Pony artist used for the robots didn't really work for us.

O: And we want to add, we're not saying they're a bad artist!  It was merely a stylistic option that didn't mesh well for us, specifically for the robot characters.

S: Mm-hm.

O: Um, this was further compounded by the fact that normal- like, Transformers artists that we are more used to doing comics, were also involved in other issues.  And so, they were drawing the robots better, and then the ponies also didn't look like terribly off model or something.  So it was just less distracting when they were doing it.

S: Mm.

O: Overall the special was good, and we recommend it to you if you like Transformers and My Little Pony.

S: Not that you should, you know, wait for our recommendation or anything.

O: [laughs] Uh, the Fluttershy/Soundwave chapter was a standout for both of us.

S: It was very cute, and I really enjoyed how emotive the non-speaking cassettes were.

O: I loved seeing the poor man have to deal with Discord's nonsense.

S: I feel like... we could have done with something longer having him deal with Discord’s nonsense.

O: I- yeah, it was constrained in the way that they did this, where each- there were only four issues, and each issue was- was split into two parts.

S: Yeah, and it's only 24 pages an issue or something.  So it's very- they're very minimal and very constrained.

O: Right.

S: It's just an issue with the medium.  I also really enjoyed the Spike/Grimlock chapter, because it was nice to see them both admiring each other's qualities, and supporting each other, and just being so uplifting.

O: And cute!

S: Mm-hm.

O: My second favorite was probably the Pinkie Pie chapter though, because it was just completely batshit insane.  Uh, just- again, Shockwave had a whisk and a spatula, because he was planning on eating the ponies.  I- where do I go with that?  How do I make that better!?  I can't, that's the answer! [laughs]

S: Shockwave just really wants to- to practice his, um…

O: Culinary arts? [laughs]

S: Yeah. I don't know, the implication that Cybertronians have culinary arts is- it just kind of weirds me out.

O: [continues laughing] Yeah, but- but Gauge was like, “I have a recipe!”

S: I know!  Well, that's the entire implication, it's just like, oh.  Mm.

O: I love that we probably got more actual like, culinary cannon from a fucking My Little Pony crossover than any of the other Transformers comics combined!

S: Yeah.

O: That's weird! [laughs]

S: I mean, the fact that it does come from effectively a pre-war era does mean that we'd potentially get more culture.

O: Eh, yeah.  I mean, but I don't think this was pre-war.  It seemed like it was mid-war?

S: I know, but just the fact that the uh, IDW2 is mostly pre-war.

O: Ah, that's true, that's true.

S: The characters all felt in character, the relationships were entertaining and sweet, and barring the one artist everyone was very expressive.

O: And with that, thanks for joining us for our April Fools’ special.  We hope ya’ll enjoyed, join us next time as we go back to business with episode 43, The Golden Lagoon.

S: Yay.  And that just about wraps it up for us today.  Remember to check us out on Tumblr or Pillowfort as Afterspark-Podcast, for any additional information, show notes, or links you may have mentioned.  You can also find us on Facebook and Twitter at AftersparkPod (all one word), and various other locations by searching for ‘Afterspark Podcast’ such as AO3, iTunes, Spotify and Youtube, just to name a few.  And feel free to send us questions on Tumblr, Youtube or AO3.  Till next time, I'm Specs!

O: And I’m Owls!

S: Toodles.

[Outro Music]

[uzuuzuking]

so this started out as just a general post about why i like cinderella adaptations, but slowly spiraled into a ranking/review of all the cinderella adaptations i’ve seen in my short, young life. so strap in for possibly the longest post i’ve ever made on this blog. (look, i never know how much i have to say about something until i really get going lmao)

idk why i like cinderella adaptations/remakes/spinoffs so much? most of them are garbage (especially the ones within the last 10 years don’t @ me) but fuck it i like this brand of garbage. it’s fun to watch these movies and rework the bad plotlines and dialogue in my head as i go along.

i guess i like the source material and some of the aspects of all the different adaptations, but honestly i just like re-imagining them because there’s only so much cringey script-written-for-teens-but-clearly-written-by-40-year-old-adults-who-have-no-idea-how-teens-or-even-people-for-that-matter-actually-talk-and-interact i can take in one excruciating sitting.

anyway here’s my personal ranking of all the cinderella adaptations i’ve seen that no one asked for. (not including stage productions because i haven’t seen any and have no opinion of them. also not including into the woods because that’s not just cinderella, but a spectacular amalgamation of fairytale mishap and shenanigan.) and reviews because apparently i had more to say than i originally thought when i first started constructing this list:

cinderella (1997) - the absolute best cinderella adaptation of all time, hands down, this is non-negotiable. this movie has it all: an excellent and diverse cast, gorgeous costume design, beautiful sets, some of the most dazzling dance numbers i ever witnessed when i first watched it at the wee age of 4, and a positive, progressive message that was accurate for its time yet also so ahead of its time. i cannot praise this version of cinderella enough, it is my all time favorite and one of my top 3 feel-good movies. if you watched it today, the effects might not be as magical compared to what we have now, but keep in mind it was released in 1997. anyway, the cast is truly amazing and so effortlessly inclusive (and honestly the fact that the prince was asian with a black mother and white father and they literally never addressed it was such a power move). i could go on about this movie forever (i’ll probably make a whole post dedicated to it in the future) and what it meant to me and many others as young, impressionable poc. in conclusion, this movie set an exceedingly high standard for me and destroyed the chances of any other cinderella adaptation even hoping to live up to that. i love it! so! much!

ever after: a cinderella story (1998) - tbh i never saw this until i was in college but i immediately fell in love. i love the flow of the story as a whole - i never felt like anything was missing. i love the costumes and i especially love how danielle and henry’s relationship progressed throughout the film. slow-burn comes to mind when i watch their interactions and we all love a sweet, sweet slow-burn. it’s romance babes! it’s Dramatic in a few scenes and all i can say is that it really works because drew barrymore’s performance is exceptional, fantastic, engaging, more adjectives to describe how enthralled by her i was. above all, her character is compassionate - she uses her voice to speak in support for those who are suppressed by the flawed government systems and law enforcers, and influences the prince to use his status and power to better his people who lack the privileges of the nobility. she’s such a strong female lead (emotionally and physically - she literally fireman carries her love interest, who is taller than her and definitely exceeds her own bodyweight) and truly the mvp of this adaptation. watch it. watch it for Her.

enchanted (2007) - amy adams and idina menzel - ‘nuff said. okay but for real this one is so unique with its transition from classic d*sney 2D animation style to the real three-dimensional world and i adore it to the ends of the earth. the music? slaps! the story? slaps! the development of the main character? slaps!! she’s so princess-y and d*sney cartoon-y and struggles in the real world, but she adapts at a good pace and i love that she learns to be realistic while also keeping hope and love close to her heart. also her mother figure / daughter figure bond with morgan is so so precious. the only constructive criticism i have for this movie is the fact that we were robbed of idina menzel singing!!! did they know all along she was destined to play the frozen queen years in the future and decided against her singing in this one?? is that it? ridiculous. it’s been over a decade and i’m still seething over this. other than that this movie is *chef’s kiss*

ella enchanted (2004) - anne hathaway’s back must still be hurting from carrying this film. (no shade to the other cast members, they’re good, but anne is a queen and i forever love her.) this is another childhood favorite of mine. the story itself is a refreshing take - hats off to gail carson levine for the source material! i’ve talked about the differences between the movie and book before in the midst of my reread of the book a few months ago, but i don’t remember how much i focused on the movie. it’s so different from the book that it might as well be its own thing. on its own, the movie is pretty decent! again, mostly because of anne. it’s funny, it’s sad (especially that scene towards the beginning between ella and areida, i’m in stupid tears every time), and it gets weird but it’s a fun time. the chemistry between char and ella is so zesty i can feel it through the screen, i swoon over both of them. tbh i probably wouldn’t like this movie so much if not for the fact that anne hathaway is truly talented and i spend most of my time watching it just looking at her. 

cinderella 3: a twist in time (2007) - i genuinely enjoyed and appreciated how the characters were written in this one. they all had clear motives and became much more dynamic through their lines and actions (drizella is arguably the most static character here but she still amuses me so it’s fine i guess). cinderella has more agency since the stakes are higher. prince charming actually has a gotdamn personality and has some of the funniest scenes and dialogue. good for him. i was kind of sad that anastasia’s story with the sweet baker boy was thanos snapped by the stepmother, but she and baker boy get a cute credits illustration together so it’s still canon! maybe i’m more biased on this one because i grew up rewatching it A Lot, but i definitely prefer it to the first and second movies.

cinderella (2000) - this one is kind of weird but i like it? the film has a really interesting vibe that i’m still trying to figure out how to describe even after seeing it like 5 times. wikipedia refers to the aesthetic style as “the glamour of the 1950s” which just might be as close as we can get. it follows the general guidelines of the cinderella plot, but the main differences were: zezolla (cinderella) was already helping with the chores before her father remarried, claudette (stepmother) was actively trying to murder zezolla’s father during their marriage, the stepsisters were much more violent and crass (they hunted zezolla’s beloved farm animals for sport and talked about getting “a man in [their] bed”), zezolla’s father was manipulated by everything claudette did and said and treated his own daughter poorly as a result, and prince valiant is honestly kind of a douchebag but seems willing to improve himself after meeting zezolla (basically his vibes are iffy but he’s willing to learn). this whole movie is pretty niche and i have yet to interact with someone who’s also seen it. and the only reason i’ve seen it so many times is because i just like listening to how the dialogue is delivered. (except for prince valiant’s random song at the ball, i kind of hated that and i skip through it every time lol).

a cinderella story (2004) - the classic hilary duff version. very cliche early 2000s high school romance, but it works for the cinderella narrative. not particularly diverse. a classic nonetheless. in my mind this is the pinnacle of the “modern cinderella movie” type. this is one of the most iconic movies for us zillennials and i’d like to think it’s known well enough for me to not go into a lot of detail about it. basically it was fresh and new for its time, had plenty of memorable scenes, and did i mention hilary duff? the film kind of plays into the “not like other girls” trope - as do a couple of the movies i listed above - but i’m just going to acknowledge that the early 2000s were Wack and simply move on. all in all, i like this movie for the nostalgia, iconic scenes, and hilary duff. also jennifer coolidge is pretty funny as the stepmother.

another cinderella story (2008) - again, an early 2000s classic, but this time with selena gomez. i liked the dancing in this one. i like selena’s quiet, somewhat timid characterization of her character, mary. and jane lynch in the stepmother role is perfection. she’s so fun to watch and is always hilarious. the story is nothing remarkable, but it’s okay and i liked it as a kid. after the hilary duff version, this one still managed to feel fresh because, though it was similar in its modern era approach, it focused more on the performing arts and dance. “cinderella” is an aspiring dancer, rather than the 2004 aspiring scholar. the “prince” is a famous popstar, not a football player. the stepmother is an outdated popstar desperate to stay Hip and Relevant with the kids, not a cranky botox lady. honestly i just love watching this one for the dancing, mary’s genuine and innocent love for the “prince”, and literally everything that comes out of jane lynch’s mouth. that woman is a dialogue gold mine.

a cinderella story: once upon a song (2011) - lucy hale is good. missi pyle is good. they play their roles and lines that they’re given fairly well. over all, it’s entertaining. lucy, of course, has them Pipes and i do like the songs in this movie. the only major downside for me was the “token best friend of color” trope. lucy’s best friend is an asian girl who’s good at sports and is there for one liners and support. the prince charming character’s best friend is a black guy who he only knew for probably a month at the most. he can beatbox, sing, and dj. basically he’s also just there as support. they really don’t do much for the plot but they’re there for diversity and whatnot. this movie is.. fine.

cinderella (1950) - the only reason this ranks so low for me is because i watched it a lot as a child when it was on vhs and it always felt like a fever dream to me. i was just really young and didn’t feel invested in any of the characters. it is a classic, though, and i would watch it again and be able to enjoy it.

cinderella 2: dreams come true (2002) - i liked cinderella’s and anastasia’s stories from this one. jaq’s was meh. it was fine.

dj cinderella or cinderella pop (2019) - netflix knows i like cinderella adaptations so, naturally, they shoved this into my recommended and, naturally, i watched it. twice. which is more than i can say for the following review... so this movie is brazillian and is pretty much the cut & mold of modern cinderella movies. but she wants to be a dj. she stars out living a perfect life as a wealthy girl with a loving family, but turns out her dad is cheating on her mom with his secretary. that’s when she “stops believing in love”. which is actually valid bc if i saw one of my parental figures cheating on the other, i honestly wouldn’t know what to believe in anymore. anyway, cíntia dorella (yes. that’s her full name.) and her mom move into her aunt’s place. a year or so passes. stepmother/secretary/cheating lady is throwing an extravagant birthday party for her daughters and hires freddy prince, a popular musician who cíntia doesn’t really like. meanwhile, cíntia gets a dj gig she’s excited for until she finds out she’s the opener for freddy prince at her stepsisters’ party. she ends up disguising herself as “dj cinderella” and freddy is super into her. it’s pretty generic from there but i was entertained enough to watch it twice. take from that what you will.

cinderella (2015) - ok so we been knew that d*sney’s live action remakes ain’t shit, and this one is no exception. d*sney within the last few years has been like 99% aesthetics and marketing. this movie was visually stunning, especially with the settings and costumes. those were the only 2 things i truly liked. everything else was forgettable. in its defense, i did read a post about the “have courage and be kind” message which is something wonderful to hold onto, especially for anyone in an abusive situation like ella. that’s valid and i respect that. i still lowkey hate this movie tho. i started getting a headache about 4 reviews ago, but remembering how much praise this movie got has reignited my fighting spirit. honestly if you like it, that’s good, you like what you like and that’s that. but this is my review and i hated how proper ella’s posture was (she’s been doing physical labor hunched on the floor for years now, how does she not slump around in exhaustion at the end of the day??), i hated how perfectly curated the whole thing was (again, that’s mostly because of d*sney and their aesthetics), and i hated how hollow everything felt. i can’t perfectly describe it, but i never felt emotionally invested in any of the characters. something about their performance was lacking and yet again i blame d*sney. i actually really like lily james, but something about the way she was directed left me devoid of emotional attachment to ella. i remember nothing about ella’s step family or the prince. that’s how much of an impact this adaptation had on me. also i just remembered the fairy godmother as i type this. i ADORE helena bonham carter, but this movie does a horrible disservice to her. if she liked working on this movie, then i’m happy for her, but even she wasn’t strong enough to sell this to me. i saw this movie in theaters and came out of it lamenting my waste of money that i could have spent on something i would have actually enjoyed. but the thing that enraged me the most, the thing i despised, i detested, the thing i seethed over and rant about to this day was the ONE (1) token black character. i don’t even know if he had a name but he was captain of the guard or some shit. if i remember correctly (but probably not tbh this movie was so forgettable), he was the one who heard ella singing and was the whole reason the prince was able to have her try on the glass slipper. this man, who had zero character development, zero relevance to the plot, an insignificant amount of screen time, is suddenly the reason the main character is able to finally connect with her love interest. um. What. i hate how the writers treated him and i will forever be filled with every last grain of salt over this. anyway he’s my favorite character and everyone else is just eh. to conclude this ungodly long review, i don’t like this movie. i tried to watch it again once but got so bored i quit 10 minutes in. do yourself a favor and watch cinderella (1997) instead. (the only reason this movie is ranked above the remaining 5 is the production quality. but i guess that’s unfair bc d*sney has the big bucks. and maybe i wouldn’t be so harsh if i weren’t sleep deprived and grumpy from a sugar-induced headache, but these feelings still come from my Chest so idk.)

a cinderella story: a christmas wish (2019) - i think we all secretly enjoy christmas-themed movies and this has got to be someone’s guilty pleasure. i was mildly entertained (but again with the cringey dialogue written by people clearly not in high school...) and i do like laura marano. but they autotuned her to hell and back - which i loathed - because the woman can actually sing and she has a lovely voice. she got to sing candidly one (1) time and i relished the experience. my ears thank her beautiful, un-autotuned voice. other than that it was.. fine. i didn’t hate it but i didn’t like it either. laura marano deserves better than this. (can’t say the same for the other actors tho because their roles were unmemorable.) also laura marano was super cute in her elf costume!

not cinderella’s type (2018) - i legit forgot about this one until after i compiled the entire list lol. i saw it on youtube and it was decent as far as i remember. it’s another modern day cinderella. i think the “prince” runs over “cinderella’s” cat or something?? i’m pretty sure it was her mom’s cat so now she has nothing left to remember her mom by. prince boy feels awful and tries to befriend her or do something to make it up to her, but she just doesn’t really like him. i think her aunt and uncle are emotionally abusive to her and prince boy does his best to be there for her without making things worse. if i remember correctly, i liked that aspect of the movie because it’s hard to be there for a victim of any kind of abuse if trying to help them could potentially hurt them more, especially minors still under the care of abusive guardians. anyway i think cinderella girl’s best friend is in love with her or something but she ends up not being into him and slowly gets together with prince boy. she eventually moves out of her guardians’ house and into the spare house at prince boy’s home (he’s rich or something). i need to rewatch this movie tbh i could be wrong about everything here lol.

rags (2012) - not amazing, definitely not memorable because i have nothing to say about its plot or writing, but it has keke palmer which is its one redeeming quality. also it’s the only one on this list where the male protagonist is the cinderella. so that’s solid i guess.

a cinderella story: if the shoe fits (2016) - this was a movie. it happened. i vaguely remember how ridiculous it was and sometimes i felt secondhand embarrassment. i don’t remember what about specifically, but i remember the emotion. sofia carson is a talented singer. i think she’s a decent actor but this script was Bad.

elle: a modern cinderella tale (2010) - i only watched this one because i was bored out of my damn mind and saw it on youtube. i felt bad for all the actors because this script was terrible. i don’t recommend this unless you’re about to sit down with your squad and make fun of it.

apparently descendants is on the “cinderella adaptations and references” list on imdb but i refuse to put it on my list because it’s not a cinderella-specific adaptation and i don’t like the descendants franchise. now, if we’re going to discuss a quality series about the children of fairytale characters, that would hands down be ever after high. but that’s a different topic for a different day.

thus concludes the ranking no one asked for but i felt compelled to make. thank you and goodnight

[some-creep]

SERIOUS and OFFICIAL RE3 Creep Review

Resident Evil 3 Remake is a good and fun game that I have already dedicated more energy into than all of RE2 Remake.

However. We can’t leave it at that so here’s a stupid long post.

First off: This will not include any mention of the freebie multiplayer game bundled in, RE: Resistance, a game that I unfortunately like but also realize it adds absolutely nothing to the purchase of this game itself.

Second: I have no goddamn idea what other people are saying about this game because I haven’t even clicked on the steam store page to see the general review scores. I don’t have twitter, and I refuse to watch reviews. All I know is vague youtube titles I’ve seen in my feed. That’s it.

Third of all: Everything I’ve ever written on here is disjointed and confusing so buckle the fuck up.

Oh. And spoilers.

To start this story we must go back to everyone’s favorite year, 2003, when RE3 released on the Gamecube and I was in third grade. Watching my cousin play it when he stayed over was my first actual experience with the series. And Nemesis was, like, really fucking scary at the time because I was a child. I bring this up because as you all might know, I’m a bit of an obsessed weirdo sometimes. This is where it started for me, so RE3 is kind of a big deal for me personally. Conceptually, this game means kind of a lot to me I guess.

As a “remake”, RE3 does, like, a terrible fucking job at being one of those. This is flat out, just, not a remake. At all. It’s a re-imagining. It would be easier to count the things they included from the original over the things they cut, that’s how different it is. OG RE3 had like. Three environments. And the remake just straight up cuts one of them and slaps a different character in the other. Alright I guess. We don’t see Brad get killed by Nemesis, because that just… doesn’t happen anymore. Jill doesn’t go to the police station… at all even. There’s no missile countdown during the final boss fight which was my favorite part because it was like. I know it was just a glorified timer but it was much scarier to me than the self destruct timer? Idk for some reason the concept of a missile destroying the whole ass city is an idea that genuinely just kind of freaks me out to this day.

This will sounds very hyperbolic but the ending was kind of garbage. Mr. Paul I love my Wife Anderson did a shot for shot recreation of the original ending and I guess I was just expecting something like that instead we got. Not. That. I don’t know if these complaints are valid but they are things I’ve been thinking about a lot. Half that scene straight up just takes place in a map that is just an empty white void. If that after the credits scene wasn’t a possible hint at a Code Veronica remake I will riot. CV is my other favorite game (conceptually. CV itself is a completely fucking unplayable nightmare game).

There’s no helicopter fight. There’s no gravedigger. There’s no giant spiders. There’s one bonus costume. Hell, there frankly isn’t even a lot of Raccoon City at all.

I guess it is short. My first play through was 4ish hours of logged gameplay and 6ish hours of total playtime with cutscenes and nemesis chases which apparently pause the timer since they’re basically QTEs? This doesn’t really bother me like it does other people. I don’t have a lot of free time anymore. Everyone fucking hates that this game is short from what I’ve seen? Idk. (It’s no shorter than RE2. RE2 just seems longer since you can be Leon or Claire but their stories are basically identical. B scenario in RE2 Remake was a fucking joke.)

Buuut… I really, really like this game.  Carlos is fine. He’s in this game. I still don’t like him that much but he’s the best of the male sidekicks. Maybe I like him more than Leon. He isn’t offensive or anything I just don’t stan him as hard as everyone on here seems to. Mikhail is way, way better now. Love how he knows who Jill is. Nikolai has… good facial mocap I guess. He’s certainly in the game and is evil and Russian again so no change there. Tyrel is a character who does things and is in scenes. He seems nice. He’s doing his best. And then there’s Jill. Who got the best treatment of anything in this entire game. Not like, physically of course, her ribs are absolutely destroyed and her spine has been snapped several times after all of that shit they put her through in the cutscenes.

I loved, loved, loved the opening. So much. Jill’s apartment. Her nightmares. The fact her life is in shambles. I’ve gushed about this before but I genuinely loved how the game opened. It’s everything I could have asked for and so much more. It’s an idea I’ve toyed w/ before in one of the only finished stories I’ve ever put on AO3 and I’m so glad to see it acknowledged canonically. I just. Ugh. I loved it.

Everything she says is beautiful and perfect and sassy and sometimes angry and it’s just. Good. They let Jill say fuck and she became unstoppable. Also she at least still says the You want S.T.A.R.S. line. It’s way, way, way early, in a scene that makes no sense for it to be in at all. But she says it. And I liked that she said it. I’m easy.

That stupid railgun bullshit at the end?? I was streaming it live and just exclaimed “is this game even real???” because I was just so all about it. We’re all still giggling at “Bitch can’t even swim.”

It’s fun to play as Jill and do sick dodge rolls. I’ve gone through this game four times now, once on each base difficulty and again on Assisted with just the hot-dogger fire knife w/o healing. Sick dodge rolls make the game very easy if you don’t fuck them up. I always fuck them up. But, still. I feel like all the bits are there from RE2 but just better. I intend to go through the game on the other two difficulties. Wish me luck. I am frankly terrified. But I want to do it.

Two of the nemesis fights are just straight up identical though. Which is. Okay. Sure. Whatever.

This game only had two puzzles for reasons I do not understand. The subway puzzle was the hardest of the two. It is the first puzzle in the game. Arguably, it is the only puzzle in the game because it is the only one you have to think about for more than 11 seconds to solve.

When the credits play the new version of Free from Fear I genuinely forget every weird problem I have with this game because it’s just… so good. Once again. I am easy.

This whole thing probably sounds like more complaints than praise for a game I’ve put this much time into, and maybe it is, but it is easier to talk about about something bad about a game than to pinpoint what you liked. And I love to complain as we all know. This is horrible as a remake. It’s great as a follow up to RE2 Remake probably. I think plenty of people already disagree with that. But plenty of people like to just be wrong on the internet.

Speaking of RE2 remake why did Pale Heads return from.. the ghost survivors dlc of all the fucking things. That’s just weird. They were a weird inclusion. Maybe I’m not totally surprised something like that made it over but it’s still… weird. They’re fine as an enemy type. I just ignored them though.

I think that for me it is just enough to have good and fun characters that I enjoy. I just. Like how Jill is written. And honestly, that’s kinda just all I need. It doesn’t really matter to me that this game is something of a horrible amalgamation of vaguely borrowed concepts from the original game. Sure, the RE1 remake is great because it’s mostly completely faithful, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only way to do it. Re-imaginings like this can also be good. This one is good. It’s fun.

There are a strange amount of tentacles in this game to the point where I wonder if someone on the dev team just straight up had a fetish. Especially after you get the lockpick. That scene is. Um. Yeah. It’s in the game.

Is that really how I’m going to end this? Talking about the tentacle fetish?

Yeah.