#someone STOP me before I start shipping them and before I make everything worse by killing Wolf before Crow and Wolf realize

[friendly-neighborhood-imbecille]

Y’ALL, DO NOT TAG SHIT AS POMPEP UNLESS YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY 100% SURE THAT OP ACTUALLY SHIPS THAT LIKE BRO WTF.

I’m absolutely serious here, pedophillic ships are an extremely sensitive topic and most people want to stay absolutely far away from them, for good reason.

You never know who’s going to have a fucking breakdown because they opened up their notifications and saw that someone interpreted their platonic parent/child art as a pedophile and their victim.

Pompep shippers, I’m not gonna go harassing y’all, and I don’t think people should go harassing y’all, but you need to stop and think before you tag shit like that. Just because you don’t see it as a big deal doesn’t mean it doesn’t have a massive mental effect on others.

Actually this goes for everyone. Pro pompep, tag your stuff, and don’t mix badgercereal and pompep tags. It’s either one or the other with that ship because of the subject material. And absolutely don’t tag others’ badgercereal as pompep.

Anti pompep, don’t ask if peoples badgercereal is pompep. It’s so much worse to see y’all mistake it than the pompeppers mistaking it. If a pompepper mistags your art, it sucks, it makes you feel horrible, but at least there’s that knowledge that they probably only did it because they were looking for what they wanted to see.

If someone else mentions pompep on your art it feels like an accusation. You get paranoid as hell and start to question everything. “Did I do something wrong?” “Did I make pedophilic art by mistake?” “Does everyone else think this is pedophilic too and they’re just not saying anything?” “Do they all think I enjoy pedophilia?” “Do they all hate me?” It leads you spiralling and panicking, trying to get rid of the evidence of your “crime.”

One little question that can be easily answered by going to the artist’s profile, can lead to a panic that the artist will remember for years.

If you aren’t sure if something is pompep or not, just go look at the artists other art. Pompep shippers aren’t subtle. If nothing there is pompep, question answered. If there is pompep, don’t harass, just block and move on. Don’t put yourself in a situation you’re uncomfortable with just to tell off someone who I guarantee will not listen to whatever you have to say.

[ultralightpoe]

Chaos - Bucky Barnes

Authors Note: terribly written but I'm clearing out my drafts

Warning: mentions of abuse

Word Count: 2340

Part One Here

Enjoy!

“What the hell happened?” Cho snaps, moving to the gurney being pushed in and surveying the amount of blood that was spilling. “Back up! I need room, someone page Stark immediately!”

The lights of the tower flicker under the storm, and Steve watches as Cho’s team wheels the gurney away quickly, his hand shaking heavily. Panic claws at his throat as the scene from earlier unfolds in his mind once more, turning slowly to the redhead beside him. 

“Steve-” She starts before he shakes his head. 

“Nat, this is not a conversation you want to have with me right now.” He sighs, bringing a hand up to pinch his nose before he realizes it’s coated in blood and pulls it back sharply. “I need to shower.”

He storms off, shoulders squared as he thinks about all the reports he is about to fill out. 

- 

“We won’t have much time, in and out as fast as we can. Everyone has their tasks?” Steve asks, making sure everyone nods back to him before making eye contact with you. “Y/n, I know this will be your first mission-”

“We should go before the storm gets any worse.” You interrupt, fixing your headset and moving to the bay of the quinjet, grabbing your bag before being the first to leave the ship and rushing to leave them behind. 

“Slow down Y/n.” You hear Bucky warn in your earpiece, and normally you would turn around to wait for him. But he wasn’t your partner on the mission today, so you didn’t turn and kept the same pace. They could catch up if they wanted. 

Bucky stops in his tracks when he sees you march off, not bothering to turn to him, his heart thundering in his chest. Normally you would slow down for him, normally he would have your back during missions. 

It was a slow realization that you would be alone. 

“Maybe we should-” He starts, feeling like a fool as Sam turns to look. 

“We gotta go, come on man.” He mumbles, watching as Nat takes lead. 

It was going to be a simple mission, in and out, Bucky reminds himself. Taking a deep breath before following the rest. 

- 

“We need a report,” Tony sighs, tracing through the footage of the mission, eyes widening at the fight. “I’ve never….”

“Tony, I’ve never seen it before. And it’s my fault.” Nat sighs, rubbing her hand across her face. “I got involved.”

“How?”

“I got in Bucky’s head a bit. I was just worried-”

“Worried about what?”  

“About Bucky and- I just remember coming out of the red room and being so attached to Clint. I had no family, no story, no morals. I was just pain. I was in pain myself and I inflicted pain onto others.”

“You went through something terrible-”

“THEY WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TERRIBLE! Bucky went through 70 years of it and the experiments they ran on Y/n….. I just wanted them to safe. I didn’t want them to get hurt.” She sighs, picking at her hair. “I love them both and I just wanted them to take a break. Maybe they would see how much they needed each other, and they would finally admit it to each other.”

“You should know by now that Barnes never thinks the way we do.”

“He thinks he is going to ruin everything he touches.”

“I know someone like that.” Clint interrupts from the door, giving Nat a small smirk. “Let’s just take a night to rest, Cho will update us if need be.”

- 

It had turned into a mess too fast, and there was nothing you could do to stop it. The rain covered most of your vision as the walls of the compound seemed to be closing in quickly, the others screaming over the intercoms as they had been ambushed. 

You had been tasked to get the files from the lower levels of the compound, and you had planned to get it done quickly. You had not planned, however, to be locked in the basement as it began flooding. 

“GUYS!” You should, tears springing from your eyes as you cling to the door, the water reaching your ankles at the top of the stairs. 

“They blew up the dam-” Sams voice cuts through, half static half radio. “Steve, to your right-”

Gunshots could be heard in the background, Natasha cursing and you truly did not think they could hear you at all anymore. “Shit.” 

Instead of clinging to the door you turn to survey another way out of the room, eyes scanning over every inch of space to find your exit. The intercom in your hear rumbles with static before your name breaks through, Bucky’s voice sounding panicked. The next thing you know the intercoms have a sharp ringing through them that makes you gasp out and tear it from your ear quickly, dropping it in the water and diving in to find a way out. 

- 

Bucky curses as he tears the intercom from his ear, dodging a bullet quickly and diving behind a wall as Nat stays covered by her own, making eye contact for a second as she tears her own comns out.

First the heavy explosion that shook them down, the dam breaking and water beginning to flood, Hydra soldiers attacking them and now their comns were down. Worst of all Bucky could not find you. 

Heart thundering through his ribs as he bites at his tongue to keep from grunting in pain when he realizes he had been shot, but right now that doesn't matter. He had to find you. 

“I have to find Y/n!” He shouts, watching Nat nod before he dashes to the exit that you were supposed to use. Just as he reaches the metal door something loosens in his chest, knowing you would were near and he could find you. He would never let you go he swore to god. 

He pulls the door, desperate to get to you, only to find it sealed shut. So his metal hand takes charge, bending into the metal as he grunts out, doing his best to get it off. A shout of pain fills the air as Sam comes into view, moving to help Bucky tear the door off. 

They make eye contact for a moment, the rain beating down on them before a blast of light blows them to the side, heat covering their bodies as they ram into the wall. 

Bucky’s head slams into brick, he hears Steve shout and Sam scream out in pain before it all goes blank. 

He would never see the chaos erupt. 

- 

Steve is up the second the sun filters through the curtains, happy to finally get to leave his room and check on his friends' health. 

Nat is already waiting for him in the front hall of the med bay, a nervous look on her face as Steve walks past her to speak with Cho.”Any update?”

“He’s breathing.” She sighs. “And he was so lucky Y/n was there.”

- 

You could hear the explosion from under the water, and in a panic you swam back up, only to find that the water had flooded to the roof and your face was pressed to the ceiling to catch your breath. 

Taking a moment to breathe as you hear Sam scream in pain, there was a pain in yoru chest that you couldn’t explain. It felt like a panic attack but worse, you couldn’t breathe and you couldn’t stop crying. 

“PLEASE!” You scream, hands pressing to the ceiling as the water gets worse. 

“Stop crying!” A voice breaks out, and you whip your head to find your old boss, the man that had thrown you into your first cell. The man that had ruined you. 

He was standing in the center of the room, and you had to blink for a moment to realize that there was no water, and you were completely dry.

“W-what?”

“Stand up!” You listen to him immediately, just as you used to, the tears still streaming down your face as you look around the room. It was different now, when you had come in it had looked like a simple office, now it was your cell. 

Or had it always been your cell?

Who was screaming?

“I SAID STAND UP!” Doctor Cornell shouts, stomping forward to drag you up himself, a slap tearing across your face as you cry out. 

“Where’s Bucky?” You gasp, the pain in your cheek fading away quickly. “I want to find Bucky.”

“You think he wants you?” Cornell laughs bitterly. “No one wants you, I’ve made you a fucking freak.”

“I want b-” Before you can finish your sentence you remember Bucky ignoring you, avoiding you….. And then you realize why. Cornell was right, he had made you a freak. You were a monster. 

A sob racks through your chest, and the painful feeling explodes. 

You try to scream out, only for your lungs to fill with water and more panic to take place. 

- 

Steve could not believe his eyes, holding Sam's abdomen tightly in an attempt to stop the blood, watching as vines burst from the basement and travel across every surface faster then he ever thought possible. 

“Is that……” Steve starts, looking to where Nat was trying to get Bucky up.

“Y/n.”

Sam gasps out as the vines wrap around him, tightening around his wound and glowing a deep golden color as some of the blood stops, the vines traveling further and wrapping around the Hydra soldiers tightly to stop them all. 

Now that Sam's wound is being taken care of, Steve dashes to dive in the water, swimming down to try and find where you were. Only you were nowhere to be found, whatsoever. 

By the time he comes back up he is panting for air, watching as Bucky kneels by the water with blood leaking down his face and panicked eyes looking at his friend. “Where is she?”

“She’s not down there.” Steve gasps. 

“STEVE WHERE IS SHE?!” Bucky snaps, the water reaching his waist as Nat moves to snatch him back. 

“The vines are dying, Y/n can’t hold them off forever. We gotta go.” She rushes out, snatching the back of Buckys vest. 

“NOT WITHOUT Y/N-”

“Bucky. Y/n is holding them off but we have to get Sam out of here. Please.”

- 

“Any word on Y/n?” Bruce asks, coming into the surveillance room where Clint is deep diving into the footage. 

“I can’t find her.” He admits, eyes never leaving the screen. “I would love some help.”

“You got it.”

“Lock the door before Barnes comes in and bothers me again.” He sighs, watching Bruce lock it. It was a joke, but he knew that Barnes was hurting. He could understand that. 

- 

Bucky woke up in a startled panic, reaching to your side of the bed quickly, sitting up to find you when he doesn’t feel you. “Y/n?”

His voice is scratchy, a mix of all the screaming from yesterday, and he slowly realizes you aren’t there as the memories resurface.You weren’t here, you were gone. They weren’t able to find you yesterday. 

A knock sounds at the door and Bucky jumps up, excitement filling him as he rushes to answer, hoping to see your face on the other side of the door, only to find Steve on the other side. His heart plummets to his stomach as his friend looks at him softly. 

“You found your way to her apartments then?”

“I think I came here immediately yesterday.” He answers truthfully, letting Steve in before looking around the room, seeing all the dead plants. “How did her plants die in a day?”

“Buck…..” Steve starts, and Bucky tenses, fists clenched as he turns to his friend. “It’s been…. It’s been a week.”

“What?” Bucky laughs, flinching as Steve turns on the light. 

“It’s been a week. You came here the night we brought you back and you passed out, I think because of the head injury-”

“If it’s been a week then where is my doll?”

“We…. we can’t find her Buck.” Steve sighs, rubbing between his eyes. “I think it’s time you and I talked about some things-”

“Talk about things? I can’t talk I have to go find her Steve-” He moves to pass his friend but Steve shoots his hand out to catch him. 

“I think it’s time to admit you love her.”

- 

Freak freak freak freak freak. 

Your mouth was dry and your feet hurt, this was the only thing you could comprehend. 

The lady in the market was staring at you wildly, looking terrified as she reached a hand towards you, concern flashing through her eyes. “Are you okay?” 

She had a heavy accent, one that reminded you of someone, but you couldn’t put your finger on it. What was it…..russian?

“Do you want me to call someone?” She asks, rubbing your shoulders. “What’s your name?”

“I…..I’m….” Who were you? You blinked slowly, trying to remember who you were. All you saw was a flash of someone with a metal arm before you were met with a bald man in a lab coat. “I… don’t…. Who am I?”

- 

Bucky finds himself in the med bay the next morning after a long lecture from Steve, staring at Sam as his friend runs on the treadmill. 

“I… I am so confused. Steve said you were in critical condition?” 

“He was.” Cho answers in amazement, reading the stats that Sam is sending through the tech pad in her hands. “But he is completely healed.”

“How?”

“Y/n, there were traces of her vines left in the wound. It’s completely healed now.”

“Her…. she’s never done that before.” Bucky mumbles, a tight feeling in his chest. “What do you think it means?”

“I think we need to find Y/n, as fast as we can. That was way too much energy used.” Cho answers, a grim expression on her face.

Bucky could do that, he would tear apart the world to find you.

Tag List:::

@spookyparadisesheep @minaxcarter @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @whatishappeninghere81 @vicmc624 @unaxv @elite4cekalyma @scott-loki-barnes @luciaexcorvus @zephyrmonkey @littlewhiterose @classyunknownlover @cyberficlya @m00n5t0n3 @donttalktosposts @magnificentsvn @jenniferpendragon @dexter99

[froggiewrites]

Possession

Pairing: Doflamingo x Reader

NSFW

Summary: Doflamingo wants you, and he has always been good at getting what he wants. Warnings: Smut, Possessiveness, Manipulation, Yandere (i think this counts?) Word Count: 1.8k Notes: This is pretty different in vibes from everything else I've posted here, but Doffy has bewitched me a little bit. I was trying to finish Dressrosa before writing about him but I just had to get this one out. Crossposted from Ao3

Doflamingo did not know exactly when you caught his eye.

It was small, at first, the instinct to seek you out. He didn’t indulge in it. He had far more important things to worry about. But as time went on, as you appeared again and again, he found himself more and more determined to have you.

You were a sweet thing, innocent and uncomplicated, ripe and ready for the taking. It took very little effort to endear himself to you. A few well timed words and well placed smiles and you were falling at his feet. It was adorable, really, the way you fell apart when he came around. He expected the passing fancy to end at that, a short dalliance that would end in you being thrown to the side as his ambitions led him somewhere far greater than here, somewhere you couldn’t and shouldn’t follow.

But he found himself enjoying you more and more. Your wide eyes and gentle smiles, your soft hands and thighs, your plush lips and warm mouth. You may not be an asset to the family, ignorant to his work and his purpose, but you were…useful, in your own way.

The nightmares didn't stop, but it was a little easier to come back to reality with someone beside him, not that he would admit that. And if some days he awoke with his hands primed around your throat, ready to squeeze, well. Nobody had to know. That was the risk you took, you naive little thing, when you followed him home. When you accepted his invitation into his bed, into his arms. If you noticed the bruises when you woke up, you never mentioned them. He doesn’t know if it’s ignorance or pity that keeps your mouth shut. He doesn’t know which is worse.

It turns his stomach to think you would pity him, dare to see him as small enough to deserve anything less than utter devotion, than worship. But the idea of you leaving if you truly knew him, knew better…it’s worse than revolting. It makes every one of his muscles tense, his chest tighten, his teeth clench. Every part of him primed to chase you down, hold you tight, ensure that you would not and cannot leave him.

Once he had a hold of the thought of you leaving, it stayed buried beneath his skin, a constant nagging feeling he couldn’t shake. He was haunted with the image of you sneaking away, catching a ride on a ship somewhere far out of his reach. In the days following, he holds you closer than ever before, grip strong enough to bruise. You cannot move an inch without his permission. As it should be.

He begins his careful construction of your cage soon after.

It begins slowly, with small gifts that earn him that soft smile. Then the next step, as you slowly start losing contact with old friends, start coming to him more and more as the only person in your life there and willing to listen. He keeps you coming back for companionship, for joy, for pleasure, ensuring that you can come to him and only him for such things.

When he takes you, he studies you, carefully plans each action to lead you further and further into this delusion you seem to have. That he loves you. That you’re safe in these arms. That you chose this. 

“Doffy!” You cry sweetly when his teeth find your neck, nipping at you gently, finding and latching onto your most sensitive parts. Tomorrow he will pretend the marks are an accident, that the small amount of blood he draws was simply due to an excess of enthusiasm, and not just him taking what he’s owed. Every part of you is his, including the blood in your veins. If he wants it, it is his to have. He savors the taste of iron on his tongue, the taste of your very life, your vital essence.

Doflamingo’s hands are calloused, and you gasp as you feel their roughness against your skin. He holds himself back, ensuring his touches are firm but not cruel, that his pace is steady but not brutal. His hands find your breasts first, pinching and prodding demandingly. He keeps his eyes on your face as his fingers find their place, teasing as he watches you struggle to keep your eyes on his, lashes fluttering. You keen sweetly as he rolls your chest in his hands, and he almost struggles to keep the smirk off of his face. You’re putty beneath him, ready for him to shape in whatever image he pleases.

His hand slips lower, fingers tracing slowly down to where he knows you want him. He carefully plans his steps in this dance, and he can see in your eyes that you’re following his lead without question. You shine with adoration, and when he intertwines his free hand with yours, you light up, a goofy, lovesick smile overtaking your lust for a moment. He grins, a sense of warmth blooming through him. Surely a sense of accomplishment, for continuing the charade successfully. For leading you further and further into your cage without a moment’s hesitation. You’re eating out of his hand, just as you were meant to.

His fingers push past your panties, and he begins by inserting only one, slowly sliding it into your hole as you moan. He keeps his pace slow even as you wiggle your hips in frustration, even as you begin to softly whine. He doesn’t give you what you want until you beg.

“Doflamingo, please, more!” Your voice is tinged with desperation, and he chuckles.

“I need you to be more specific, little bird.”

“Faster, please.”

He had planned to make you beg far more than that, until you were nearly crying for him, but the sweet little whimper in your voice makes it hard to deny you. “That’s all you had to say.”

He begins to thrust his finger at a significantly faster pace, then adds another, then another, prepping you well for the real show. As much as he would love to take you immediately, to take and take and take until you’re broken beneath him, he was sure you would leave for that. You wouldn’t look up at him with that sickening admiration in your doe eyes anymore, and he simply would not lose that. He attempts to take the hand intertwined with yours back, to rub at your clit as you clench around him, but you curl your fingers around him harder, and cry out, “No, stay, please!”

He allows you to keep the hand, for now.

He can feel you near your precipice, can see it in your eyes, and chooses the exact moment before you break to pull out his fingers. You sob as they leave, and he gives you a sympathetic smile, hoping you’re too far gone to realize it’s far closer to a predator’s smug grin. “I know, sweet thing, but you can’t have all the fun to yourself.”

He finally peels your panties off, leaving you bare and caged beneath him, where you belong. He lines himself up with your entrance, and he stares you dead in the eyes as he plunges his full length into you at once. You cry out, eyes closing, and he tuts quietly. “Eyes on me.”

You obey.

His pace is fast but not punishing, and he keeps his thrusts on the softer side of brutal. Another thing he will blame on his enthusiasm tomorrow, when you quietly whine that it hurts to walk and he shushes you and tells you you belong in his bed anyway. You’ll laugh like it’s a joke, and he’ll laugh at your ignorance. One day you’ll realize it was the truth, and you’ll willingly nest here at his side, ready and wanting whenever he asks. But that is the future, and right now he should be more focused on how deeply his cock is buried inside you, and how you cry and tighten around him, calling his name.

His teeth long for your neck again, but he can’t bring himself to break your intoxicating eye contact. He can see himself reflected in your eyes, looking a far more innocent and giving man than he is. Is this how you see him? His hand finds your clit, willing to continue the charade. You nearly scream as you feel his finger rub against the nub, and he almost laughs. How easy you are to unravel. A few more thrusts and a few well practiced movements of his fingers and you come undone, squeezing around him tightly, eyes falling shut, back arching off the bed and pressing your chests together. He keeps moving, allows you to keep riding it out, burying you in your pleasure. He cums a few moments later, burying up to the hilt in you, filling you, marking you as his. He bites down on your shoulder, hard enough to bleed, and after his orgasm subsides he licks the wound, lavishing in the taste of you.

He falls on top of you, pinning you to the bed, and you don’t complain. You bring your arm up to run your hands through his hair affectionately. With the hand still held to the bed, you gently run your thumb over his knuckles, memorizing the feeling of it. You lay in silence as Doflamingo begins to slowly ponder the next stages of your entrapment. You’ll stay tonight, of course, but likely still go home tomorrow. Perhaps the next step should be ensuring you stay here every night. Accessible, willing, waiting for him. After that, he’ll find you work to do in the family, find some busywork that keeps you here. You can have everything you’ll ever need in these walls, if he so chooses. And choose you he does.

“Doffy?” Your sweet voice breaks him out of his pondering, and he looks down to see you staring up at him with something resembling worry.

“Yes, little bird?”

“Are you alright? You were frowning. Did I do something?” Your tone is filled with anxiety, your eyes searching his face for answers.

He chuckles. He can’t deny the pleasure he finds in you looking at him for comfort, for reassurance. You trust him. “No, of course not. I was just thinking about some plans for the future. Nothing to worry your pretty little head about.” To ensure the matter is laid to rest, he kisses you on the forehead, watching as you flush red, as your lips twitch into a smile and you hide your face in his shoulder. So sweet. So simple.

You fall asleep crushed beneath him, dreaming of a life shared. He falls asleep holding you close, dreaming of the next step in making you well and truly his.

[queermania]

I don't want to start drama and I don't expect you to respond to this but I think you deserve to know what's being said about you. tumblr. com/transfagbenny/738678589192552448/and-id-appreciate-if-we-stopped-using-the-terms

i actually am going to address this because this person has been lying about what's been going on for months and they've apparently been harassing other people for months if not years, so. it's time to put an end to this.

before i start though i want to make it abundantly clear that if you take this as an opportunity to do anything other than block this person, then you are trash. do not send him messages. do not tag him in things. do not harass him in any way. leave him alone. if you need to block, do so and then move on. hate mail and harassment is disgusting behavior and i don't want to be surrounded by anybody who engages in it. and if you do it on my behalf, i think you are worthless and i want nothing to do with you.

so, this is what happened: back in february of 2023, an anon asked me if i had any opinions that would get me canceled with the dean girlies. i replied, "oh now we’re talking!! hmmmm let’s see. i don’t care about benny at all. deanbenny does nothing for me. deanbenny is dust. it is dust. drowley rights forever" and i did not tag it because i'm not an asshole. bear then sent me a message that at the time i thought was funny/cute because his url reflected that he was obviously a huge benny fan. we had a very cordial exchange. everything was good. we chatted a little bit about how neat it would've been if benny had been played by a black actor and how the racism problem with gordon would've been fixed if gordon had been played by a white actor. not all of our conversation is visible anymore (and i also don't think all of it was on this post anyway) because i've since blocked him so his replies no longer show up on my posts. the point is: everything was fine. it was a good tumblr exchange. he continued to follow me. i did not follow him then or at any point.

the problem is that he kept coming onto my posts and into my inbox to try to make things about benny. that is not okay. i had already said that benny was a character (and deanbenny a ship) that i was not interested in. to me, this is an obvious boundary i've established that he repeatedly crossed. it's not an egregious violation, obviously. more than anything it's annoying. what he should've done, if benny was that important to him, was unfollow me and move on. but he didn't and i indulged him for awhile but at a certain point i thought, "okay maybe if i stop indulging him, he'll take the hint." so i stopped responding. he did not take the hint. he got worse and he even started commenting on things that he couldn't make about benny, just to willfully misinterpret things i said and taking them completely out of context. unfortunately, i don't have receipts for any of this because at the time i didn't know it was going to become an actual problem (however I have since learned that this is an established pattern of behavior he engages in, so you can probably find examples on other people's blogs).

it got so annoying, though, that i very carefully broached the subject in a private server with people i trusted. without naming any names or using any incriminating language (i.e. not specifically referencing benny), i basically said that there was someone being annoying about a specific character on my posts and i wasn't sure what to do about it. immediately, a handful of people replied with some variation of "the benny stan? he's been doing that to me too." i do have receipts of this (and an entire server to back me up) but i hope you can all understand why i'm not going to provide those or name names (or ask anyone to get involved publicly). the point is, it became apparent that i wasn't the only one and this was a pattern of behavior. i also learned during that conversation that bear has a history of harassing people and calling someone racist or a transphobe if they block him.

at that point, i decided not to rock the boat. i would just continue to ignore him and maybe he would get bored and move on. well that obviously didn't happen. he kept doing it and as a fun added bonus, he started to make vague posts about me. the thing is i don't actually care if he vagueblogs about me. it's his blog. he can do whatever he wants. it's none of my business. i mean i personally think he should've just unfollowed but, again, his blog, his choice. it is annoying that every single time he would do it, someone would send me a link or a screenshot of him doing it, but that's not really his fault. so, again, i just ignored it.

this is where we get to the incident in question. after a private discussion among a small group of friends, i posted this obviously joke poll at the insistence of @letterstothedevil, a tumblr user who has given me permission to include her in this.

the original message about the poll:

the permission:

now EYE think it's abundantly clear that the poll was a joke amongst friends, but maybe it wasn't, and i'm not going to fault anyone for not magically knowing that. i am, however, totally willing to fault someone for being a gigantic asshole. bear commented on the post and i, admittedly, gave a somewhat dismissive response because at that point i was so tired of him being willfully obtuse and twisting every little thing i said that i just didn't want to bother. he then went and made a series of not-at-all-vague posts calling me racist and claiming that i simply do not care about the racism in the show and it's obvious because i've never ever discussed it on my blog (which is a hilarious lie given that i'd specifically discussed it on my blog with him). at that point, there was no reason not to block him. he was already doing the thing that i didn't want to deal with. so i did. and i thought that would be the end of it.

again, i was wrong.

i then started to get anon messages daily about benny and deanbenny and how i'm racist for not liking benny, etc. this was harassment that EYE was on the receiving end of. nobody else was a victim of the messages i was being sent. they were sent to me and it is not my job to make sure other people are protected from the harassment that i am experiencing. i'm pointing this out for two reasons: 1. because i did try to protect bear from it for awhile anyway. i knew that people would assume it was him and at the time i was still giving him the benefit of the doubt, if for no other reason than the fact that i didn't think he could send me messages since i blocked him. and 2. because when i did finally start to respond to some of the messages, bear acted like he was somehow the victim in all of this (and continues to act that way to this day).

i don't know if bear had (or currently has) anything to do with any of the messages i get (which, thankfully, have slowed considerably). what i do know is that at no point during any of this happening did he stop looking at my blog and vagueblogging about me.

when i finally did answer a few of the messages, bear had a bit of a meltdown about it. i know this because he used a separate account that i hadn't know existed to message me and because he talked to one of my friends about it. (i'm not going to name that person but if they want to get involved publicly of their own accord, that's up to them lol). i'm also not going to share screenshots of what bear said to me because he explicitly asked me not to (it's also the reason i'm not sharing screenshots of the numerous receipts i have of the things he's said and lied about on his blog but, unless he's deleted any of them, you can go and find the posts yourselves.) what i am going to share is that in the message he sent to me, he flat out lied about his behavior. he told me he hadn't been vague-blogging about me, that he would never ever do that about anyone, and that he would certainly never harass someone (all things that i have receipts of him doing).

it took me awhile to respond to this message because i was still trying to be gracious about the whole situation. i recognize that he is much younger than i am and i think it's important for me, as a full blown adult, to take that into account. i had a private discussion with a few trusted friends about how to handle this because it was important to me to not let him off the hook for his behavior and for lying just because he's young. this is what i ended up saying:

his response was to double-down on his lies (while, hilariously, vague-blogging about me and the whole thing) and then go into victim mode about something so completely unrelated and far-fetched that i decided i simply wanted nothing to do with him ever. (this is when he asked me not to share screenshots, so i won't, but this is me saying that i have ALL of the receipts, bear, so if you continue to lie, you will not like what happens.) i blocked his alternate account and tried to ignore him.

the harassment continued. again, i have no idea if he was actually part of it. the vagueblogging continued. he started to do it to other people he associated with me. many of them blocked him because of his behavior. i continued to answer some of the hate i received, continued to ignore and/or block most of it. it got so bad that i was sent seizure bait on more than one occasion, one time bad enough that i actually ended up going to the ER. there are receipts of all of this, too. you can see on my blog the messages i've been sent. i think at one point i even shared a snapshot of what my inbox looked like. i've shared privately with friends (who can confirm if they want to, but no pressure) screenshots of the kinds of messages i get that i don't respond to. the point is, that for a period of months, i was relentlessly harassed. and at no point during this time did i say anything to or about bear (or anyone else). the most i've done is respond to messages that have been sent to me. i've largely sat quietly while this thing happened to me and bear continued to make posts about me and act like he is somehow a victim in this. he's assumed things about me and my identity. he's violated boundaries i've set. he will not let this go. and i'm not the only one he's doing it to.

i'm so fucking tired of it. leave me alone. leave my blog alone. leave my friends alone. leave any and all of the people who have blocked you for your own inappropriate and obnoxious behavior alone. that's it. that's the end. none of this would be happening if you would just respect other people's boundaries. i don't want you on my blog. i do not want to interact with you. i don't want anything to do with you. that's it. the end.

[paledarklight]

my god can you STFU?? You keep telling people “you didn’t actually watch the show!” No you didn’t! You say Carol is a whore and a creepy person, when she isn’t . Fans of Carol x Daryl might say “oh this oh that!” But they are the ones making to weird, not the characters and the writers. Also stop attacking the fucking actors! What the hell is wrong with you? What did the girl who play Carol do to you?

Don’t get me started on being a hypocrite and a liar. And saying things like “I don’t attack people!” But literally are mean to everyone no matter how nice they are. (Yeah I saw that person asking questions nicely and the way you responded to them? Ew. Just ew. They didn’t say or bring up half the shit you mentioned and you were a fucking ass.)

Yeah the gross sexual messages are gross. I’m sorry you get those! They aren’t fun I know. Don’t respond to them, people will send more trust me! (I’ve had people send shit like that to me)

People are hating on you because you are a proshipper and have openly admitted to being okay with older men dating underage girls! (Don’t care if “16 is legal” it’s still gross and shouldn’t be legal) But when two people have a like 2-5 year age gap both above the age of 30? Oh no that’s wrong! Because the woman is older and has a husband before! (Even thought it’s not canon and she doesn’t ever flirt with Daryl. It’s almost always a joke?)

also Daryl is late 30s or early 40s I’ve always put him around 39. That doesn’t make shipping him with a 16 year old okay. Don’t care if she turns 18 at one point, that’s still so weird. (And I’m not saying Daryl is a creep, why? Because it’s not fucking canon. He’s a good guy and I love Beth and his relationship with Beth. I don’t see it as romantic because that’s gross! If you had a better explanation other than just “oh it’s legal” maybe I wouldn’t think it’s so gross. But yk you are a fucking weirdo for saying that)

Calling all the shippers people who condone SA and saying it about not even shippers? Ew wtf. Don’t even get me started on the fact that you seem to be a bigger fan of the ship than the shippers!

Oh also it’s not SA to jokingly flirt with your friend or provide comfort to them! Especially when they don’t ever out rightly say not to. If anything you go back and watch later seasons and Daryl likes being around Carol! Why? Because they are friends. You are the only person I’ve seen say weird shit. And again, THE SHIP ISNT CANON. Yes Carol has done shit, but they only reason you seem to hate her are because of a couple toxic shippers.

And I wouldn’t have a problem with any of this, if you were a good person! If you didn’t lie and say weird ass shit all the time. You probably are a troll I know. But it’s annoying.

(Also not everyone woman who is friends with a man wants them for sex? And if you are going to say characters are bad? Have good points! And hold up other characters (that are usually worse) as well. They are just as bad. Fuck you and have a good night)

oh also I saw you say “don’t make everything sexual!” No one is, it’s just you (also your ao3 bookmarks are public… why are you reading smut about a 16 year old and a guy in his 40s- sorry my bad can’t have my own headcanons, late 30s? Kind of weird… someone people not like us by Kendrick!)

xoxo a bitch ass mf (WHO DOESNT SHIP BETH WITH ANYONE AND DOESNT SHIP DARYL WITH ANYONE SO DONT YOU DARE DO THAT SHIT) eat my shit!

I saw you say if they don't say No then it's okay to verbally sexually molested them so everything you said suddenly doesn't matter.

[quacktities]

I feel like the appeal of C! Quackbur (to me at least) is just how versatile it is as a ship and the range it has.

You want a subtle rivals to lovers, mutual pinning and longing but one of them is repressing his own feelings because he hates himself too much to let someone get attached to him ship dynamic with a political backdrop? You want longing gazes, knowing looks and the unspoken truth that, maybe, just maybe this relationship and understanding between them goes deeper than either of them let on or want to admit? BOOM. Lmanburg election arc Quackbur!

You want all of that but with more tension, high stakes, mental illness, a very "forbidden romance" vibe with an enemies that have been in love with eachother for a long time but can now finally be on the same side and possibly act on their feelings dynamic (but theyre doomed by the narrative so it was never going to work out. Or maybe it will, who knows. Maybe this time they find solace in eachother. Maybe this time Quackity stops him before its too late. Maybe this time it doesnt end in flames. Who knows. Its up to you really, if you keep telling the story over and over again, maybe this time they get their happy ending here and it doesnt have to be a tragedy. Your choice really). Pogtopia era C! Quackbur!

You want fucked up grief and angst and reminiscing on the past and being haunted by what could have been? You want seeing the spectre of your dead friend (if he was truly your old enemy, why does he feel like a past lover to you) and wondering if maybe he remembers everything you both went through the same way you do and if maybe his heart aches when he sees you the same way yours aches when you see him but you know he isn't the same and you'll never see the old verison of him ever again... but hes here... as a ghost.. and that has to be worth something right. (Is it a miracle you can still see him or are you forever being tormented by what you can never have?). BOOM, Butcher arc C! Quackity and Ghostbur (or Aftermath C! Quackbur as I call them)

You want all of that, but hey. What if we brought back the guy. What if it didn't have to end in death? What if they could reunite and speak again after everything? Would they even get along? You want the culmination of years of pinning, grief, hurt, and mutual obsession? Do they truly love each other, or have they fallen in love with the idealised verisons of each other they have in their own heads? Maybe this time, they'll actually get their shit together and talk. There really isn't anything stopping them now, other than themselves and each other. Maybe C! Quackity finally finds someone who respects him, is dedicated to him, and can engage with him on the same intellectual level in C! Wilbur. Maybe C! Wilbur finally finds someone who makes him feel human and can challenge him and his more self-destructive behaviours while still loving him in C! Quackity. Maybe this time, they get to understand each other, and they get to heal. Maybe this time, it's not too late, and sure, they dont have the healthiest relationship, but they're working on it, and they're okay for once. Just this once. Maybe. Or maybe you don't want that. Maybe it is too late for them. Maybe they'll never have what they once had, and they're both left with bitter hatred and longing for the past that grows weaker by the day as the rose tinted filter starts to fade. Maybe they make each other worse. Maybe the closest they ever get to being close to each other is by hurting each other. Maybe the only times they hold hands are when they're catching each other's bloody fists. Maybe they're both too far gone now. Maybe they've hurt each other too much to ever be vulnerable with each other. Maybe it's just too late for them. Maybe it was never meant to be. You want a joker card ship dynamic that can either end in healing and a happy ending or in an even more fucked up tragedy? Or both! Why not. BOOM. Post revival C! Quackbur

[in1-nutshell]

Can you do one where mtmte bot buddy is perceptor easily scared younger sibling that has a crush on rodimus? Thanks for the help with how to inbox my request.

I've been noticing a trend with request for Rodimus lately. Our Co-Captain is getting some loving hours.

Hope you enjoy!

Perceptor's younger sibling who is scared easily with a crush on Rodimus

SFW, Romantic, Platonic, Familial, Cybertronian reader

MTMTE

Buddy had always been a jumpy bot.

Whether it be in the heat of the moment or in times of peace, something always had Buddy on edge about something.

“YYEEEP!”--Buddy

“What was it this time?”--Perceptor

“I thought I felt something on my pedes.”--Buddy

“Hmm.”--Perceptor

“Don’t ‘hmm’ me! I’m telling you I felt something on my pede and now its not there!”--Buddy

“Careful, you’re starting to sound like Red Alert.”--Perceptor

“Hey leave Red out of this!”—Buddy

“Yeah leave—”—Red Alert

“AHH!”--Buddy

“AHH!”—Red Alert

That being said, Perceptor is protective of his younger sibling.

He loves them, scaredy bot, and all.

He does try and help Buddy in his own ways by trying to rationalize everything, which helps them a bit, but too much.

Is willing to put a bot in their place if they try to make fun of Buddy for their jumpiness.

Primus forbid that someone does scare them with malicious intent.

He wasn’t a Wrecker for nothing.

Buddy had tried going to Ratchet or any other doctor or nurse to see if it was a medical problem.

“I don’t see anything bout of the ordinary here kid.”--Ratchet

“Nothing?”--Buddy

“Perfectly normal frame inside and outside. I think you just get jumpy too often. You can always go see Rung if it gets any worse.”--Ratchet

“Thank—”--Buddy

Whirl barging into the medbay.

“HAS ANYONE SEEN CYCLONUS OR PANIC BUTTON?”--Whirl

“Whirl! Please, you’re—”—Ratchet

THUNK!

Buddy passing out on the med slab with their spark beat going wild.

“Ohhh… Jumpy’s here.”--Whirl

“Yes…”--Ratchet

In the lab.

Perceptor looking up from his work.

“Is your Buddy sense tingling?”--Brianstorm

“Stop calling it that.”--Perceptor

“But it is!”--Brainstorm

“Brainstorm.”--Perceptor

“Perceptor.”--Brainstorm

Brainstorm saw this problem as a challenge and had asked Buddy if they were willing to be tested to see if he could solve the problem.

Buddy had never been raced out of the lab faster than at that moment.

“Brainstorm?”--Buddy

“Yes?”--Brainstorm

“Is this safe?”--Buddy

Buddy sitting on the lab table with several jumper cables clipped into their frame with a series of wires on their helm.

“Oh Buddy! Of course, it is relatively safe, in theory.”--Brainstorm

“In theory?”--Buddy

“Yes. Everything comes from a theory. Now whether this is a good theory is what we are about to answer now!”--Brainstorm

“Does Percy know?”--Buddy

“What he don’t, know wont hurt Buddy. Now let’s flip this—”--Brainstorm

“BRAINSTORM!”--Perceptor

“He sounds mad! What did you do!?”--Buddy

“Nothing!”--Brainstorm

“Brainstorm.”--Buddy

“Buddy.”--Brainstorm

“…”--Buddy

“… I may have locked him in the closet before I grabbed you from Swerve’s…”--Brainstorm

“…You know, for one of the smartest bots on the ship, you sure can make a dumb decision.”--Buddy

“What--”--Brainstorm

BANG!

Perceptor kicking down the lab doors with his snipper rifle in his servos.

“AAHHHHH!”—Brainstorm and Buddy

No mercy from Percy.

Their friend group had gotten used to Buddy’s jump scares after the first few times.

Sometimes they were the cause of it.

Buddy would always laugh it up in the end.

They would never take it too far so it was all fun and games.

But there was one thing on board that made their spark run faster than the scares.

Rodimus Prime.

The captain was going to be the death of them, they were sure of it.

The two got along great, which wasn’t the problem.

The problem was that Buddy liked the reckless captain.

“Has anyone seen Rodimus? He should have been here by now.”--Buddy

“Nope.”--Chromedome

“No.”--Rewind

“Haven’t seen you’re Conjux since this morning.”--Brainstorm

“Conjux?! Brainstorm!”--Buddy

“Don’t lie to me Buddy I’ve seen how you two look at each other. Everyone on the ship practically knows about it.”--Brainstorm

“Oh don’t tease them Brainstorm.”--Chromedome

“thank you—”--Buddy

“Its not their fault that they are both oblivious to each others feelings.”--Rewind

“You too Rewind?”--Buddy

“I’m getting sick and tired of watch you two pine over each other.”--Rewind

“Who’s pining?”--Rodimus

“GAH! Roddy, don’t do that!”--Buddy

“Hahaha! You know you can’t be mad at me.”--Rodimus

“…One of these days I’m going to get a spark attack because of you.”--Buddy

With their friendship the amount of reckless stunts had gone down.

Something Ultra Magnus was grateful for.

Buddy the ever worry wart always tried to talk their captain from doing many reckless activities.

Most times they would work, but that would usually mean that he would try to do another activity that was less of a threat without Buddy looking.

Rodimus trying to get off the ship to go meteor surfing.

“Rodimus!”--Buddy

“Shh! Megs will hear you!”--Rodimus

“And? You are in no condition to go meteor surfing! You just got out of the medbay from last expedition.”--Buddy

“And I’m fine!”--Rodimus

“Please…”--Buddy

“…Fine. But you have to help me with some of the reports.”--Rodimus

“Deal.”--Buddy

“After I go and flip over the captains chair!”--Rodimus

Rodimus jumping and failing to do a flip landing on his faceplate.

“Roddy!”--Buddy

“Hmmm?”--Rodimus

“Hang on I’m bringing you to Ratchet.”--Buddy

“Nooo… I don’t wanna.”--Rodimus

Buddy throwing him over their shoulder like a sack of potatotes.

“Too bad Captain.”--Buddy

Key word try.

Buddy watched him sometimes like a hawk.

The other times that Buddy wouldn’t be able to talk him out of the activity ended up with Buddy joining.

Those time Rodimus would smile that smile of his that could literally light up a room.

“How did I end up here?”--Buddy

“What do you mean?”--Rodimus

“Here!”--Buddy

Buddy latched on a cord dangling from the ceiling by their chassis.

Rodimus on the ground with his arms wide open.

“I must have my circuits fired to even say yes to this!”--Buddy

“Nope, I just asked, and you said ‘yes’.”--Rodimus

“I know!”--Buddy

“Relax Buddy its just a trust fall!”--Rodimus

“Yeah! But I didn’t think it was going to be from this height!”--Buddy

“It’ll be okay! Just let go!”--Rodimus

“Let go?!”--Buddy

“Trust me Buddy! You’ll be all right! Just trust me!”--Rodimus

Buddy saying one more pray to Primus before detaching from the chord, screaming on the way down.

Rodimus catching them nearly falling on the floor too.

“See! I gotcha—Buddy?”--Rodimus

Buddy passing out.

Perceptor knew about Buddy’s little crush on the Captain.

While he would have wish it be on another crew member, he supposed that Rodimus wasn’t the worst of them all.

After talking it over with Drift, Perceptor decided that it would be a good idea to actually talk to Buddy about it.

“Percy?”--Buddy

“Buddy.”--Perceptor

“What’s going on? We don’t usually have private talks like these. Wait! Did something bad happen to you?”--Buddy

“No, no, I asked you to meet me here to talk.”--Perceptor

“To… talk?”--Buddy

“Yes.”--Perceptor

“Okay, I’ll bite what did you want to talk to me about?”--Buddy

“Its about Rodimus.”--Perceptor

“What about him? Did some—”--Buddy

“Nothing happened to him…yet.”--Perceptor

“What?”--Buddy

“I noticed you and the Captain have been spending more and more time with each other. And if my theory proves me correst, you like him.”--Perceptor

“Umm… where did you—I mean, me and Roddy—I mean—”--Buddy

“Its okay.”--Perceptor

“What?”--Buddy

“I’m fine with you dating Rodimus.”--Perceptor

“Really! But doesn’t he annoy you? Especcially two days ago when he said ‘science is magic’. You nearly grabbed your riffle and made him into Swiss cheese.”--Buddy

“… Yes. I have taken that into account, but you are mainly going to be spending time with him. He wont be my Conjux, he’ll be yours.”--Perceptor

“Conjux!”--Buddy

“That was a joke.”--Perceptor

“It didn’t sound like it!”--Buddy

“How do you intend on telling him?”--Perceptor

“You’re just filled with questions aren’t you?”--Buddy

“I’m a scientist Buddy.”--Perceptor

“Yeah, but its not that simple Percy.”--Buddy

“How so?”--Perceptor

“I can’t just go up to him and say ‘Hey Roddy, I like you a lot. You want to go out with me? We can go to Swerve’s for our first date. We can drink, dance, and watch movies all night long’.”--Buddy

“What?”--Rodimus

“Don’t sound like that Percy—”--Buddy

“That wasn’t me.”--Perceptor

“Then who—”--Buddy

Rodimus standing in front of the door way.

Buddy’s fans kicking in before passing out.

“How long where you there?”--Perceptor

“Long enough to know Buddy already beat me to the chase and already had a date night planned.”--Rodimus

“…If you ever think or try to hurt them in anyway, I know how to shoot in between your seams and make you go through the worse pain imaginable before any medic comes to help you. Do I make myself clear?”--Perceptor

“Clear. And the thought of hurting them is the last thing I would want to do.”--Rodimus

“Good.”--Perceptor

“Yeah.”--Rodimus

“…”--Perceptor

“…”--Rodimus

“We should probably get Buddy to Ratchet.”--Rodimus

“Agreed.”--Perceptor

[ryuichirou]

Okay I know you made this art like AGES ago but the womb tattoo Idia lives rentfree in my head and I wanted to ask if you had any hcs connected to that, like which character would love it and breed him nonstop, who'd find it hot in theory but not actually want to knock him up, who'd just make him get rid of it to not even risk it... or maybe someone would just make him a public breeding stock?

Hi again, Anon!

I am so happy you liked that one; I randomly remember that idea from time to time as well. We definitely should revisit it, and I should draw it again, but for now I’ll use your ask as an opportunity to talk about it!

First of all, “public breeding stock” is a phrase that feels so wrong yet so right when you apply it to Idia… thank you for putting this image in our heads. Ah, the way he should be treated 😔

As for the boys, I think none of them would want to get rid of the tattoo in an easy non-sexual manner; maybe it’s because of magic, maybe it’s horny monkey brain, but the moment they see it on Idia’s stomach, they’ll go ballistic lol

I also think that the majority of the boys we ship Idia with wouldn’t actually want to knock him up BUUUUT there is some nuance to this whole thing, so let’s go through the list of our main Idia ships…

Azul – this one actually has some hcs, since the original comic is Azul/Idia-centric! The moment Azul learns about the true meaning of the tattoo, he’ll play the “oh how dare you, did you want to use me for your own satisfaction, Idia-san?” card, of course being very obviously fake about this heartbreak and betrayal of trust. And he would completely ignore the fact that Idia wasn’t planning on doing that at all… and he’ll keep talking about it, while having sex with Idia, completely ignoring Idia who is trying to explain that this isn’t the case. The fact that Idia’s mouth starts smiling involuntarily due to how good it feels doesn’t help his case at all.

Azul doesn’t really buy the breeding thing, but he’ll still get overly horny simply due to how much power he has over Idia in this state, especially as the tattoo lights up with his every move and how Idia exhales whenever the dick leaves his body. They’ll break the spell, but Azul will definitely use it in the future. Controlling Idia by having the one thing that he wants sounds like too powerful of an idea to ignore it. Azul is on his way to learn how to cast it! (he’ll also try not to think about how much he genuinely loved seeing Idia looking like this and desiring him…)

Jade and Floyd will get super into in this exciting new thing that Idia did to himself. It’s like a fun toy just got upgraded into the best toy! Idia is already pretty easy to chase and freak out, but when he’s barely running because his body actually wants him to get railed by these two, even though his mind isn’t… it’s perfect. It also feels like when Idia is scared of them, his sexual frustration gets even worse, so by the time they finally get tired of playing around and pin him down, his tattoo would be so bright and hot and his hips would move on their own because he’s desperate. These two would really push the tattoo’s effect to its absolute limits before they even get to touch Idia directly. So of course they’ll comment on how pathetic Idia looks, and of course they’ll play with him for hours!

While they probably won’t be very interested in the breeding part, they would love how Idia begs them to stop but also keeps clinging to them. They’ll also love how his belly is getting filled and stretched as they finish inside for the 5th time both, and Jade would be the one to not only comment on that, and then Floyd would put pressure on the belly to make Idia squirt out everything he’s been storing inside for the past two hours. His tattoo almost started disappearing, too..! But now that Idia is empty, it’s bright and hungry again.

Ortho – Of course he’ll help his niisan/niichan out! Isn’t it for the best that they can do it together and Idia won’t have to embarrass himself in front of other people? Not to mention, they’ve read a hentai manga just like that about a younger brother who helped out his older sister in the exact same way! What do you mean Ortho shouldn’t have access to this type of literature? Too late! Anyways, he’ll ignore Idia moaning about how wrong this it because he’s too busy enjoying how the tattoo colour changes whenever he changes the settings of his robo-dick.

Ironically, I can picture him of all people kind of wishing to knock Idia up, both as AI Ortho and as actual human Ortho. Not only he’ll say it while fucking the living daylights out of Idia, he’ll also make sure that by the time of his third orgasm Idia would start agreeing with him while crying of pleasure. This would’ve instantly became a cringe memory that Idia could’ve easily brushed off (he wasn’t really himself, it was the tattoo’s fault) when the whole thing is over; but Ortho would say that it’s a bummer that actually knocking Idia up is impossible… Ortho, please, you are the one person who SHOULDN’T think about it!

Sebek – no thoughts head empty; after figuring out what kind of curse this tattoo implies and yelling at Idia for being so obscene, he’ll get consumed by the desire to breed him. Maybe fae react to this type of tattoo stronger? Maybe it’s just a Sebek thing. But the moment he stares at the tattoo for longer than 2 seconds, his pupils will dilate and he will get super horny. He might get a vague desire to actually  impregnate Idia, and it’ll keep his hips going like crazy, but it wouldn’t go further than that. Even though for a moment there he really would feel like Idia’s body is capable of handling fae eggs or anything else for that matter… Still, Sebek will fill Idia with to the brim and just keep creampie-ing him until both of them pass out.

Lilia – he is the one guy who is actually aware about the tattoo and what it represents, and he would be very impressed by the fact that Idia managed to do this to himself somehow. This is absolutely the first time Lilia witnessed someone doing it on accident… He’ll scare Idia with stories about how some infertile fae casted this spell on themselves and pumped out like 5 babies that year in one go, and how the tattoo means that Idia won’t go back to normal until his body is properly satiated with thick and potent seed. Idia could just ignore it of course, it won’t kill him, he’ll just feel incredibly horny all the time and start feeling the urge to shove anything even remotely phallic inside his ass—this is where Idia would beg Lilia to stop talking and making everything worse lol

Lilia will fuck Idia alright! And he’ll feel him good, while still talking about how Idia’s body will start changing whether he wants it or not. Idia will be completely terrified but also too horny to think about anything because Lilia would feel way too good.

But ALSO. When Lilia himself is done (grandpa can’t go 10 rounds like he used to…), he could actually do the “making Idia a public breeding stock” thing and just invite all the Diasomnia students to have their way with Idia. He’ll stay there the whole time, holding Idia’s legs and patting his head playfully while Idia completely loses his mind because both his hair and his tattoo would go absolutely crazy because of how overwhelmed and horny he is. He wouldn’t remember just how many guys he took that day, but thankfully, they left plenty of autographs on his body with a marker that Lilia found somewhere.

[t8oo]

By all accounts the lupin fandom has always prided itself as a drama free ship war free open to polyamory and wildly different headcanons fandom. And I can name a few people that have worked hard to keep this place very friendly. And I really started in this fandom in a friendly place. I even managed to make friends that Liked Luzeni maybe even just as much as me. I was ecstasic. I really loved those people so much, I talked to them daily. Some of them I respected so much for their craft. Great.

Id always been upfront and very clear that they were befriending someone who was fucked in the head. And i dont mean seasonal depression type I mean Bipolar and Bpd and all the symptoms it entails. Im not even going to mention the upbringing and the life ive had. All of it was a complete and violently abusive catastrophy.

Last year I exhibited symptoms that were intense. TOXIC. It didnt mean that I was toxic to my friend, because I was rational enough to know about boundaries. I was at the end of my rope. For undisclosed reasons I had to be interned. Great. During the ultimate time that lead me to become crazy, not a single person i thought was my friend gave me a hand. I received a message from one friend while I was litteraly perched on the windowsill about to jump telling me about their life. Not asking abt me. I sent some Hey thats cool but im about to kill myself and they didnt reply. Days after I was interned they told me that my message triggered them so they had to have an emergency meeting with their psychiatrist. Cool. Nothing abt me still. Sorry ? Fallout 1

During yhat whole shitstorm and despite everything a friend became my like. favorite person in bpd terms. Just really fucking embarassing shit really. I tried to prevent it, i tried to pull out not to make it worse, which not only was making it worse but was making it toxic. I aparently blew out, which of course my memory conveniently forgot. I said something ahout their partner. They never explained what. Again, after internment I apologized. They told me they needed time. They bsolutely deserved it. I was probably horrible to warrant that reaction. I might even have been toxic. Again, I do not remember what I even said. Im not a demonic entity it couldnt have been like I desacrated them and insulted them beyond repair. Even in my anger I have always been limited. But all i can do is speculate. They never explained, just took my apology. And then They never came back. That friend I liked so much that despite everything I did to control myself became a person i liked beyond wat was normal. We have had so much fun. Not enough to mend bridges or explained anything. Fallout 2

During that blow out one friend meddled, asking that other friend for information ? I asked to pass along a message to friend B. which friend A refused. Like it was not their business, even tho they were clearly invested in the business enough to talk to both of us about it lol. No problem. 4 days ago thou i confronted a group of friends that were friends As friend, for kicking them out of an rp group for no reason, even bordering on racism. My friend feels hurt about that event, has always hinted at it. it even stopped them from rping, something they did for 12 years. They had no closure and so I tried to bring it to them. Asshole move or empathic ? Thinking back i may have been taking the situation personnaly because i was already on my way out menrally. I dont know. All i know is that four days later, after i talked for hours to that group and the reason why they treated my friend so poorly that they still had scars over it, i was experiencing a mental crisis and that friend refused a request. Great. Fallout 3

The last friend litteraly stood by and said nothing. Not before the fallout and not after. I dont even know'if that counts as a fallout. This girl was so cute, so fun, so talented, so FUNNY. And when it came to a heed she said nothing. No side taking. Neutrality. Okay

At this point I no longer had anyone to talk to I think. I was documenting my attempt and the horrible conditions of the psych ward on twitter for everyone of my "friends" to see. One i particularly loved so much because they genuinely were on the same level of insanity related to luzeni made a tweet about the late hystix, a person i did not know but a lot of the lupin fandom did. A beautiful soul that was always supportive and kind. Everyone was mourning her. It was truly heartbreaking. I hope she is in peace. Our attempts matched in timing, it was actually mindblowing. Mine just fucking failed because of nosy neighbors. I feel so close to her in spirit still. That we both struggled so much that we came to the conclusion that nothing could save us. She did not have the nosy neighbors. That friend mourned her publicly.. on twitter. Ok. Logical, its a depressing, horrible and sad situation all around. All we can do is mourn. Still, it was a friend I was genuinely close to. That never showed the empathy they did to me. Hey dude so im kind of facing the exact same issues but you never reached out ? While my torment was there and documented on twitter because again. I did not fucking know wat was going on. I was in a strict mental ward under a lot of dosage from nurses who refused to give me insulin even thou i was type 1. Friend said that they tweeted at me. No mention of the years and years of discussions we had on discord and me checking up on them everytime they pulled out for severe family matters and i was genuinely concerned. Nope they aparently tweeted something at me. Okay. Thank you for the concern. Your investment really shows. Fallout 4

after that I stopped friends all together. The fact that friends I was talking nigh on everyday to each revealed their lack of concern for me during an extreme mental health crisis was abyssmal to say the least.

Fallout 5 came with Sheen. I was managing a charity zine for Palestine, and the lack of investment from so many artists brought me to the edge. I took it out on Sheen in the softest way possible. I told them I was disapointed in their piece and that it looked low effory. Sheen, a person I had knwon for the entirety of my investment in the lupin fandom, decided that an offense was enough to block me and never speak again. Once again i was on the verge of yet another blow out. And it happened. Lol. Its just so funny in retrospect that everytime I start acting weird alluding to a breakdown people shun me out despite, you know. me being clear abt my medical record. I realized that I was rude to Sheen and it was uncalled for. Apologized publicly not in the attempt that Sheen sees it but just so that everyone knows that if they hear abt the story, at least they know its all been my fault. Online friendships are so cool because it just takes the block button to burn bridges without coming back. With no chance of mending or at least a genuine apology. so Fallout 5

Is there a reason that all of these issues happened within one fandom ? I do think so. Unless i am incredibly unlucky. Or an abusive piece of shit unbeknownst to me. I think that the lupin fandom is surface level niceties. If they dont like you you will know. It will be passive but you will be muted and eventually just ostracized. You will not be invited in fandom events, or group discussions. It did not help that my mental health was constantly deteriorating and I started developping a persecution complex, thinking that people were making secret discords where they were telling others to avoid me or something. Ive endured all of this for one thing. One Humiliating thing : i love luzeni. I love it so much I want a tatto of it. I love it so much that after years before sleep I pick a random fic and then imagine their discussions. I love their dynamic so much. I love their romance I love how fucking inhinged they are i love that they hurt and love each other the same, i love that they cant live without the other, that they genuinely complete each other in a really ugly but complete patchwork of mental illness and really elaborate kinks.

I gave up thou. Another depression, I blew out, attempted again with the window, got caught and sent to the hospital. It pulled me back from the fandom. I realized i was allocating so much of my thoughts to it and how I could be better perceived, how I could make friends again to talk about the fictional thing i loved the most in the world. And I realized that in giving up and keeping to myself, that I could be more stable. That the damage was done and I cant really enjoy this fandom anymore, but Im still attached to the hip to luzeni and so in the words of a really brilliant man... Nah... Ill do my own thing.

U might be wondering why the hell is this bitch airing their laundry publicly. Its therapeutic. You dont have to read or care. If those friends see it, and make a comment of their own about how the events did NOT happen like I told, I would love to hear how they perceived it. I do not give my friendship freely and easily and these people have done profound damage to my abilty to trust. And most of all, I never had any closure. I kept rethinking, blaming them, then myself, then miscommunication, then them and then myself again. To this day I dont know why all of this happend. Did I act like an unfathomable monster, or did my friend simply not give a shit enough to help me through this. I dont fucking know and I cant deny either options. Maybe I am talking through a completely selfish wrapped sens of perception that is not to be trusted. I wouldnt be surprised. I have a very hard time relying on my own brain lately. My health is deteriorating very fast, and shit is getting worse.

The second reason is that I am going to be interned for psychiatric issues for the next 3 months. For the first time in my life I think Ill finally get all the professional support i need, available and close. Im not going to be investing any time in the fandom, if simply talking to the psychiatrist abt this catastrophic strings of fallouts. I might be posting some luzenis, but frankly i doubt it. I only make fanart when I am happy, or sad enough but still capable. Im neither right now. You are not entitled to any of these informations, but I just wanted to write them out of my mind because I have a LOT of baggage to go on through and this is an extra bag I dont need so im throwing it out.

You cannot gauge an entire fandom from your perspective, the same way you cannot gauge an entire userbase. No, tiktokers are not the worst people in humanity. Neither are reddit users. Being on tumblr is cool, but it doesnt make u better than being on twitter. And so this is only my opinion of the lupin fandom. I met some amazing persons that i wish the best for, for ever and ever, but in all the niceties and welcoming you might see, I dont think that extends to a person with mental illnesses that are villified, or out of their control. I can fairly say that my experience was disapointing, and I dont intend to rekindle anything. Ill just be on the fringe maintaining the spirit of luzeni alive because fuck you monkey punch these are my characters now by law.

If you read until this bro get a life. Also im joking, youv given me more consideration than most people i met have. If your take after this is that I am deranged, then youv read right.

Thank you for reading. This blog has always been a pleasure to post on, even my most cringe and embarassing shippy stuff. Ive been met with nothint but support, and I truly enjoy being here because of you. I hope this isnt a 3+ month long goodbye. I hope I draw my lovers again. But I cant guarantee anything. I wish you all health most of all, and love and compassion.

[tiredatiny]

—Deep Sea

Pairing: Lee Felix x male reader

Genre: strangers to lovers, pirate au

Warnings: cursing, treating reader as an object, that’s it I guess??

Part 1 of 3

“Captain!! Oy captain, I think we caught one of ‘em mermaids!” A yell could be heard from the deck.

Soon there was a huge swarm of excited pirates, all of them wanting to see the “mermaid” that was being pulled out of the dark sea. But instead of a beautiful sea creature, they saw an angry man with a fish’s tail trying to cut the net that was keeping him hostage.

“Han are you blind or something??”

“You dumbass that’s a merman!”

The ship’s crew became dead silent when their captain stepped out of his helm. “For fucks sake what are you all yelling abou-“ he started scolding but stopped when seeing the merman. His eyes light up greedily, already thinking about the price he and his crew could get if they sold the creature. “Who’s the man that captured it?” Han quickly straightened his back and with a cocky smile he yelled “It was me Captain Chan! I, Han Jisung successfully captured this-“

“Oh don’t be so full of yourself. You obviously caught it by accident” someone cut him off. Han turned towards the voice and it was no one other than Minho. Of course.

The captain patted Han on the back proudly before continuing scolding. “Well what are you all standing here?? Bring the tank and fill it with water!”

-

The lack of space was making go crazy, but hey at least the pirates were oh so kind to not close the lid of the tank. Right after you were brought to this ship, you started planning an escape since you didn’t really want to be killed and sold by some dirty pirates.

“Hi merman.. you uumm hungry?” The once dark room was now full of light, as someone from the crew stepped inside with an oil lamp. You turned around, not wanting to be faced with your kidnapper. “Maybe he doesn’t speak English” the pirate mumbled and carefully knocked the tank’s glass. After multiple attempts to get your attention, the male sighed and left, leaving a plate of food near the aquarium.

You made sure that he was definitely not coming back, before reaching towards the plate. You took a piece of.. something and took a small bite that you quickly spit out. It tasted so bad, it felt like eating sand. You didn’t dare to eat the other things on the plate, fearing that they would taste the same- or even worse.

All through the rest of the evening, you listened to the crewmen and tried to make your escape plan based off of what you heard. The only problem was that you knew names, not faces. You knew that someone by the name Hongjoong was this ship’s quartermaster and that he was the one usually steering the wheel. You also knew that a seemingly young man named Wooyoung was guarding the door leading to the room where you were. You guessed that there were about 10 to 14 people on the ship with you and that alone made escaping so much harder than it already was.

The next couple of days went by with the same schedule. You woke up after a couple of hours sleep, thought about the best time to flee the ship, got some awful dinner and went to sleep.

During the days you had figured out that the best time to escape was during the night, when most of the crew were sleeping. Firstly you would climb out of the tank, as quietly as possible. Then you would crawl across the deck and jump into the sea. The only possible threats were Captain Chan, Hongjoong and Minho. It seemed like those three never slept and were always on the lookout.

Once it became dark, your plan started. Getting out of the tank was so much harder than you had originally thought and you ended up cutting yourself while jumping to the floor. The stinging feeling didn’t last long, thankfully. You clumsily opened the door and saw Wooyoung snoring.

Just don’t wake him up and we’re good, you thought. Your eyes wandered around the deck, trying to find any threats and when it seemed like everything was clear you started making your way to freedom. The plan was going almost too perfectly until a loud gasp could be heard. You quickly turned around and recognized the man who was standing a few meters away from you, utterly shocked. It was Felix, the ship’s other cook.

No one dared to say anything for a moment. Both of you just stood there completely still.

“Wh-what are you doing here??” The cook finally asked. You noticed how he was trying to be quiet and you were somewhat thankful for that. But before he could get an answer, you started dashing to the other side of the deck ready to escape.

Felix acted before he could think and tried to stop you as best as he could. Deep down he knew he was doing the wrong thing but he really didn’t want to disappoint the whole crew by letting you get away.

The noises woke Wooyoung up and the man was more than confused. “What are you staring at?? Help me!” Felix shouted while gripping onto your tail like his life depended on it. “Right right.. should I call the captain or-” Wooyoung mumbled, still half asleep.

“What the hell is happening here?”

Both Chan and Hongjoong stepped out of the shadows of the ship. No words needed to answer their question after seeing the scene in front of them.

You quickly ended up in a fight with four men and honestly if it wasn’t for the fact that you were so close to freedom, you would’ve given up a long time ago.

The last thing you remembered was accidentally slapping someone with your tail and then you were falling into the sea. You heard yelling but couldn’t care less anymore. You were free and- wait…

Your eyes focused on the figure that was slowly sinking to the bottom of the ocean. The horrifying feeling creeped up your spine as you realised what was going on.

You had accidentally taken Felix with you.

[usopps-devotee]

know sounds cringe but just hear me out lets say that the red hair pirates just recruited a cute female crew member thats pretty short(like 169cm) and weak. She goes shopping alone in town ,the town the red hair pirates staying at .But than she gets attack by some thiefs that try takeing her money but when she refuse to give them they beat her and leave her with huge red bruises on the arms/legs and on the forehead that start to bleed pretty bad ...she gets still in pain and robbed....walks to the local clinic.Stay in a room to heal. Meanwhile back at ship where the guys are starting to worry about their little pumkpin desides to go searching for her .They go around asking everyone at different food stalls if they seen her keep mind that shanks and his crew are wereing their causal outfit and weapons on and super tall guys so people get scread. They finally get a to a man that saw her.he gives the directions to the clinic. Shanks and his crew get to the reception and ask for their little pumpkin is bit the receptionist tells that she can't tell where their pumpkin is at because if she has not clarifies that visitors are allowed than she can't tell them.Also because she thinks they look suspicious because there pirates

How do you think the guys will react to this fact?

short,,, anon that's like 5'6 ,,,,,,, I'm 2 inches shorter than that (like 162cm or something). please don't bully me on my birthday.

they would be relieved to have located their sweet girl but that doesn't end their worries. What happened, who attacked you, how bad was it to the point where they aren't allowing you to have any visitors? They needed to see you.

If you think they don't sneak in you're a fool, its both startling and heartwarming to hear the sound of Shanks coming in from the window. "Captain! you're here, sorry if I scared you." it was rare to see Shanks mad, the amount of rage in his eyes almost terrified you. "Who did this." his voice was calm it was clear that someone wouldn't make it till tomorrow. You told him everything, how the gifts you had gotten for the crew as well as every last berry had been stolen. From the way you described it he's surprised you made it here on your own.

"I'm so sorry pumpkin, I swear we'll never let anyone lay a hand on you again." You sat up in your bed, wincing a little at the pain. Pulling the captain into a hug, him being heartbroken was worse than all the cuts and bruises you endured. "Shanks I should have known better than to go out by myself, I'll make sure to bring someone with me next time." he gives you a small kiss on the forehead and rubs your back. "See you tomorrow Pumpkin and make to get that visitor thing fixed so we can see you."

Lucky and Yasopp are the first to come and see you, both melodramatic about your current state. Damn near tears while they explained how worried the crew was. Benn ended up stopping by before they left even bringing one of your favorite sweets to make you feel better, although he waited for the two other men to leave, wanting you to have your treat by yourself.

Shanks was the last member of the crew to visit you, to your surprise he came back in with a wide smile and familiar bags. "I didn't look in most of them," he said like you should be proud that he didn't snoop through all the gifts, all you can do is shake your head and smile. "So which one is mine?"

"That my dear captain you will have to wait and see, i want to give everyone their gifts at once."

[pro-logue-epi-logue]

RANDOM DEVIL'S NIGHT THOUGHTS

~NUMBER 52~

Remember when I said, I have more than 3 rants saved in my drafts? Yeah, so here is one of them.

Not a Random Thought but more of a RANT -

Because

Alex fucking Palmer by god i hate this shit piece of a character( sorry for this crude language or upcoming ones, if any) befor some people say oh you gate alex you must be mYsOgInIsT, if you hate a woman you are not misogynistic and believe me i hate horseman and that shithead aydin too but this is about her.

Lets be honest here, NO ONE hates alex for her friend with benefits thing with Will, like okay you fucked move on and neither do anyone hate her for being a luxury escort.

She deserves every bit of hate for being a total bitch to emmy for no reason, looking down on her, comparing her trauma to her, emphasizing she suffered more??

Seriously Alex Palmer deserved a punch to the face.

At one point i even began to understand Aydin's point of view and i hated that scum bag, but alex she just got worse and worse.

Concepts like Dignity and maturity are foreign to Alex Palmer and it shows.

Also i don't think anyone else noticed this, but she clearly wanted to be way more than she was in everything specifically in Will's life thats why she kept on butting in.

She was so goddamn annoying.

I really blme PD for this too, they went about will and alex and will and damon all the time and when people started Shipping them, they were like "How did this happen?"

Why create a fuss of them when they are not even end game?????

Will was an alcohol and drug addict, was depressed, thought about suicide for years when he was around alex and damon And people are shipping them?????

The guy would have probably died of OD if they(Damon andalex) were around and emmy hadn't come back.

What kind of a shitty ass friend was this alex like she knew about will drugs and all not once did she say anything to stop him?? I know she is not responsible for it,but she acted all entitled all throughout Nightfall maybe used her head and said anything, even damon tried to make him stop drinking????

Also, someone has to say it so i will, this devil's night fandom is full of idiots and hypocrites, it is so normal for them to hate on banks and emory like they weren't the only two with brain, they literally LOVE the horseman but hate on emmy for what ?? Because she rejected a boy, or signed those paper??

She was backed in a corner and had to save her grandma, she thought of will and was technically helping them or else more videos would have came out?? Did you not read the book?? Horseman assaulted Rika, Damon treated Banks like a Dog, Will was a bitch to Emory in blackchurch, always pushed her in corners in high-school and by god they just Love them.

Or maybe they hate her because they wanted willalex.

Its is sooo common to hate on banks and emmy but god forbid someone mentions how much of an idiot rika was, alex almost let emmy got r*ped( someone mentioned it in a post that alex knew about taylor but didn't show herself to emmy), the douche bags horseman enough said but yes hate an orphan girl who wanted to save her grandma and did nothing wrong. Especially SOME fans act like you killed someone instad of mentioning the obvious.

Also how the fuck on earth PD can throw willemmy out of the window in their own goddamn book, ever since alex arrived everything was Alex,alex and bitch alex,...

The train scene was sooooo disgusting and vile and what made me livid is after that will says " oh she belongs with us, she is like us" i was literally like shutup asshole it took you this to see emmy belongs with you not when she said she loves you, and also the alex deserves to be taken care of, like fuck off!!!! she was nothing but a cunt of emmy for no reason in blackchurch and even after that, if anything emmy should have slapped her real good. But obviously as she was a fucking fanservice so it was only logical to throw willemmy and everything about them out of their book, right??

No one even hugged emmy, i said it once and i will say it again none of those assholes deserved emory scott. Not even Will bitchy grayson.

And the loop holes in Nightfall that were like 20 kept on coming because of this alex plot was sooo stupid.

How can you write a character like emory, so strong and complex and will insecure and addict and literally abandon them in THEIR OWN BOOK.

But yes Alex "fucking pick me girl, i am better than you emory" Palmer deserved the entire half of the book.

I once saw a tiktok that said Alex carried this series. My reaction was like

She did nothing to the plot in corrupt, hideaway or killswitch instead of making normal things sexual and i don't count the shopping scene in hideaway because kai paid or else she wouldn't have done it. And in nightfall all she did was be a stupid bitch who was jealous of emory because will still wanted Emmy and aydin was ignoring her, as he should this bitch grated my nerves.

SHE WAS NOT A LEGEND.

SHE WAS NOT HOT.

AND SHE CERTAINLY WASN'T A GIRLS GIRL THATS FOR FUCKING SURE.

SHE WAS JUST A DUMB IDIOT WHO COULDN'T DIGEST THE FACT THAT EVEN AFTER 5 OR 4 YEARS OF KNOWING HER, WILL STILL LOVES AND WANTS EMORY.

AND WHEN AYDIN TOOKS EMMYS SIDE THAT PISSED HER MORE, LIKE HOW COME THE GUY I LOVE IS TAKING SOME OTHER GIRLS SIDE AND THE GUY I THINK LIVES ME( WILL ) DON'T WANT ME.

Everytime someone says Alex was awesome, i just sigh and move on.

I didn't pay any attention to alex in other books like she was a side character right, but in NF apparently she becomes a major character and ended up running the book, i blame those horny Facebook group people who wanted Alex so much they kept on bugging Them, look what you did you ruined a book that was about to be an awesome one.

[ughgoaway]

thinking about matty being late to pick his kid up for whatever reason (like maybe 15 mins late, nothing too crazy, and not too late to warrant calling someone else to pick them up) and he's feeling terrible about it as he bolts from the car to the playground, but he feels better - heartwarmed, even - at the sight of the kid playing hopscotch with the teacher or the two of them just sitting chatting as they wait for him. cute potential, i think!! <3

how did I forget to respond to this??? (the answer is adhd but SHHH)

anyway YES maybe he got caught up in the studio doing "work" (fucking about with George for 3 hours) and suddenly looked his his phone and just felt his heart DROP.

obviously, he immediately runs out of the studio with one arm in his jacket and immediately on the phone to the school, trying to sound coherent. I don't think you answer, I can see it being the older receptionist (who definitely ships girlie and matty) and she's so lovely and assures him that Annie is totally fine and they'll look after her until he can get there.

so 10 mins and many traffic violations later matty comes into the playground borderline Olympic sprinting but is relieved to just the the two of you sitting on a wall swinging your feet and giggling.

as he gets closer he can hear the convo and his heart (and ego) swell over the fact its about him.

"So my daddy and my uncle George do something that Uncle ross calls "pratting about" for too long, and Daddy gets caught up, so that's why he's late, probably!" Annie says, and matty has to actually stop himself face palming at his daughter using the word prat. he makes a mental note to have a go at Ross for using bad language around his daughter (as if he doesn't use words 100x worse)

He should interrupt and collect Annie, but he can't stop himself from staying back just to see your reaction

"ahhh, that makes sense, I'll be sure to ask him when he gets here. do you like your dad's music, Annie?" you say, stifling a laugh and nodding thoughtfully along with Annie's answer

matty tenses and prepares for his heart to break into 10000 little pieces, but luckily, Annie answers just how he wants, "Yeah. I like it when he waves to me onstage. He smiles lots up there and his music is funny, you should come see him sometime!" she says excitedly, looking up at you with so much hope in her eyes

you say something like "oh that sounds so fun, Annie! maybe one day I will come to a show!" and even though you know you really shouldn't, being her teacher and everything, internally you think it's not too bad an idea...

before it becomes officially eavesdropping matty jumps in and grabs Annie, profusely apologising and thanking you. of course you brush it off and say its no big deal, you wave bye to Annie and wave at matty too, substantially more shyly.

later that night at dinner, he starts to grill Annie lightly about what you spoke about, but sadly, it's nothing too interesting until she makes one little comment that makes matty very very happy.

"miss y/n asked about you though, she asks about you sometimes"

he doesn't push any further and listens to Annie talking about the upcoming sports day with a very content smile on his face.

blurb masterlist here!!

[ourflagmeansheartbreak]

I am gutted and angry and sad and disappointed by the news. I loved OFMD with my entire heart, that show meant everything to me. Before you comment “it’s just a show” yes, I am aware. Please consider what it means to people to just see good shows that have queer people that are NOT just about queer people? Show with people who have disabilities, mental issues, who are trans, people of colour, and it’s not just about that, it’s a whole another world and a whole another plot, those people simply exist. How much it means to people to just see someone like them. People who saw this queer show and how much it took off and started writing, drawing, creating because of it, because of how inspiring it was to see queer people thrive.

People are upset, rightfully so, because taking it away you take away the hope it gave you. Hope to prove yourself worthy in this world, hope to see yourself represented.

Thought I am absolutely devastated, I’d like to thank everyone in OFMD cast, directors, writers and fans who helped to create this beautiful piece. The world we created together will forever be my safe space ship and I love all of you, not only people who were involved in creating, but the fans as well because we together created a beautiful community in which we made each other feel safe and understood.

Those two seasons will forever be in my heart and as angry as I am, I’m glad we had this honour of seeing it. I’m glad we had this honour of this community. Every single one of you from this fandom is amazing, the amount of talent and dedication I see every time I log in; the fandom itself inspires and motivates me. So thank you for existing.

I’m so sad we won’t get third season, but I’m glad we got the two. And I’m glad we got each other.

Please don’t ever stop writing, don’t ever stop creating, because with OFMD being done, your work could be the next big hit. And I believe in you.

For now I’ll appreciate what we got, all the beautiful messages we’ve been taught through it, the representation we finally got, and happiness it gave me. Because Izzy Hands was right, not moving on is worse.

I love all of you from this fandom, I hope that this fandom won’t die soon and we can still share the incredible works, drawings and stories, because people in here are truly incredible.

I’m sorry for your loss, but we will rise again. If not for this show, make sure to create something better yourself. Because I believe in you, I truly believe you can.

Lots of love,

Will x

[btskitten7]

Chapter v; a deadly favor (part two)

Ship: Min Yoongi x fem reader

AU/Genre: Mafia AU

Rating: M

Wc: 7.2 (all parts together)

Chapter warnings: spicy scene in this one! (oral f. Receiving. Fingering. Implied love making) Yoongi getting drunk (and very sad) stalking mentioned. Selling drugs.

Chapter summary: this is where Yoongi’s mask starts to slip and he’s having difficulty keeping it straight. He knows his lies are going to catch up to him and it’s getting to him. Namjoon betrays Yoongi without knowing the extent of his betrayal. Yoongi’s dad is an ass here :/ Hoseok is closing in on you. This is where things are going downhill.

taggs: @shadowjellyfishfest @princess-sunshyn @scuzmunkie @baechugff @maunosorioh @shelyamc

It was your comfort spot. Most nights he would find you there. On other nights you both would sleep there if the weather permitted.  No doubt you'd be there tonight too.

It was a beautiful night. The stars were bright and the weather was a little chilly but tolerable. You could see the lights of Seoul from a distance. You got to witness the sunset, something you try to do every night you have the time. The beautiful arrangement of orange, red, pink, and a bit of purple almost made you forget about the fight earlier. It was calming.

A pair of arms wrapped around your waist, instantly warming you up. You didn't have to look to know who it was. His scent alone told on himself. Yoongi placed his head in the crook of your neck, soaking up your scent. You relaxed to his touch, you couldn't help yourself.

After a few moments, you pushed your body off of Yoongis and turned, facing him, remembering the whole reason why you are upset. You folded your arms and looked at Yoongi. Yoongi's heart dropped to the floor when he saw your reaction. He knew he deserved it.

'This must be what You felt when I did the same to you' he thought to himself.

Ignoring the beautiful scene around him, Yoongi couldn't keep his eyes from locking on yours. He saw the confusion, worry, and sadness in your eyes. He knew that this time he'd be able to fix it... but he also knew that there would be a time that he might not be able to fix it. He won't always have the right words to keep you here. And that scares him. Looking at your expressions now made him think of the future and you finding out everything.

Moving closer to you and taking your hands, taking a deep breath

" I'm sorry..." he started " I had a long day today and seeing that...the thought of.." he stops himself and sighs defeatedly. "It just...made me lose my cool. I didn't mean to react that way, normally I don't..this time was different. I don't like the thought of someone else charming you. Especially to that degree. Especially when you love roses and flowers in general. It just drove me crazy and seeing how happy you were about them...it just," Yoongi paused for a second before continuing "it just made me jealous. More than normal."

You could see the sincere look in his eyes. It just confirmed what you thought of before.

"I understand but it hurts my feelings a lot when you pull away like that. Not once but twice. You've never acted like that before. It kind of scared me and you looked unrecognizable to me." You said to him looking into his eyes.

Yoongi felt even worse than he did before. Hearing that come from your lips felt like someone kicked him dead in his chest. It was something he never wanted to do to you. All he could do was look down from your gaze. He couldn't believe he allowed Hoseok to make him react like that..not only that but to you of all people.

"Blossom I...I'm so sorry. There's no excuse for that" he said once again. "I should have never reacted that way. I would never hurt you and I never meant to scare you."

You knew Yoongi was apologetic, he meant his words wholeheartedly. Also, you knew Yoongi would never hurt you. Of course, you accept his apology, but it's still going to remain in the back of your mind. It was hard for it not to be.

"You are forgiven, baby. I can't stay mad at you for long even if I wanted to. I know you wouldn't hurt me. It was just different to see you like that.  But I'm sorry too."

Yoongi frowned and tilted his head. There was nothing that you needed to apologize for in his mind so he was curious as to what you had to apologize for.

"What are you apologizing for?" he asked,

"For assuming you got me the roses. I should have confirmed who they were from before accepting them. If I would have known they were from another man, let alone anyone else? I would have left them there or donated them to the hospital. Patients love things like that. Nevertheless, I'm sorry too."  you explained.

Yoongi chuckled and pulled you closer to him, wrapping his arms around your waist and making small circles against your skin with his fingertips.

"Baby..." he started " you didn't do a thing. It was all me. I shouldn't have acted that way"

His eyes softened which made you melt.

This was the Yoongi you were used to. Not that person you saw earlier. You placed your hand on Yoongi's cheek, cupping it softly. No extra words were spoken, it didn't need to be. The atmosphere said everything that needed to be said between you two.

No longer able to hold himself back, Yoongi leaned down and kissed your lips softly. Not wanting anything more and not giving you anything less. It was like the argument was erased from your memories as you shared the sweet kiss.

Wanting to savor this moment, Yoongi picked you up as he moved towards the chair. As he sat down, he sat you directly onto his lap, not breaking the kiss. Not even for a second.

Slowly the kiss became something more passionate and sweet. His lips were parted, allowing you to slip your tongue inside. Warm and soft, are the words you'd describe Yoongi's lips. You could kiss them for hours and not get tired of them.

Your bodies pressed together heatedly as your tongues both fought for dominance. You could feel both of your heartbeats pick up as the kiss grew more intense between you two.

Warmth bloomed in Yoongi's chest as the sparks began to ignite as the kiss continued to the room. Your legs were wrapped around his waist until he laid you on the bed, closing the space in between you, still not allowing the kiss to break. The intensity of the kiss, his weight on your body, and the smell of his cologne made you see double. Butterflies danced in your stomach, you were over the moon over Yoongi. And he was with you.

Yoongi pulled back and stared into your eyes, creasing your cheek softly. "I love you blossom. I don't ever want to lose you..." Your stomach did backflips. It took so long for Yoongi to tell you he loved you so each time you hear him say it, you melt. "I love you too, Yoongi"

Yoongi smiled as he leaned down and kissed your lips. You returned the kiss, meeting his tongue in the middle. Yoongi knew that he had an early morning tomorrow but he did not care. He needed this. He needed you. You broke apart and Yoongi began to kiss your neck sweetly.

"I'm going to show you how much I love you, yn"

Just that alone was enough to drive you mad. His kisses were loving and sweet. Yoongi started to nibble on your earlobe as he slid his hands down your body, gripping your breast and rubbing them. A soft moan left your lips as he continued to grip your breast and kiss your neck.

He gripped the bottom of your shirt and lifted it over your head, pleased to see that you had nothing underneath. From your neck, he began to kiss your collarbone which led him to your breast. Yoongi flicked his tongue across your nipple making you gasp softly. He licked and sucked your nipple as you squirm underneath him. After a few moments, he switched to your other one and repeated the same process. Your moans only grew louder from here as he licked down your stomach. He left plenty of soft kisses against your skin which gave you butterflies.

Yoongi spreads your legs apart and runs his tongue along your lips. Your hands subconsciously found their way to his locks which caused you to pull him closer. He then kissed your thighs slowly moving upwards towards your entrance. You moaned loudly as he teased you with his tongue alone. Your hips begin to move up and down as he continues to lick you.

"S-stop teasing" you demand breathlessly which earns you a slap to the thigh followed by Yoongi's deep chuckles.

"I think I'll take my time" Yoongi smirked looking up at you.

You let out a small cry when he took your clit into his mouth and began to suck on it with his eyes amused by your response to him. You could feel yourself getting close to orgasm already. You knew you would explode if he didn't stop and he knew that too, but that didn't stop him.

It encouraged him.

Yoongi kept sucking on your clit while penetrating you with his two fingers. You moaned loudly as your body tensed up and your orgasm washed over you. You came so hard that you almost passed out.

Good thing you didn't because that would have made Yoongi stop what he was doing. You didn't want that.

When your orgasm subsided, Yoongi climbed on top of you and smiled at your dazed look. "You okay blossom?" He asks jokingly with a slight hint of worry. You look at him with a lazy smile on your face nodding. "Why wouldn't I be? You do this to me every time" You wrap your arms around him and pull him in for a deep kiss.

Yoongi chuckled against your lips before kissing you again. The kiss lasted for a minute before he broke away and said lovingly, "I want to make love to you, baby." You nod in agreement with a loving smile as you hold his face close to yours. Yoongi couldn't help the butterflies he felt when he was with you.

It's like his tough and cold persona was nonexistent when you were with him. He was worried that he wouldn't be able to properly express himself and sometimes it's still difficult for him. But you made it so easy for him to fall in love.

He had to protect this no matter what.

~~~~~~~~

For the next few weeks, things were pretty quiet and normal. Yoongi and his father were off on another trip. Surprisingly, they left Seokjin behind. That never happens but you didn't mind the company while Yoongi was away. Things at work were the same but your shifts ran smoothly and calmly. Which is unheard of in the nursing career but you weren't complaining. You hadn't seen that guy again, not that you wanted to. You just hoped that his friend was staying out of trouble and trying not to get shot again. When your co-workers told you that someone came looking for you, you could only assume it was him. The way Yoongi reacted...it's probably best that he never comes around again.

After an hour or so of passing meds, you finally had a chance to sit at your desk and chart everything that you couldn't before. You only had an hour left in your shift, so you went ahead and got everything ready for the shift. As you were charting, you realized that your picture  was missing from your area.

"Hey, Jackie?" You asked, "Have you seen my picture that I had up here?"

Your coworker hummed as she thought about it for a moment. She shook her head and looked at you with sad eyes. "Sorry love, I didn't know you had a picture there if I'm being truthful. I don't  realize small things like that."

You smiled softly "It's okay"

Sighing as you sat back in your seat you kept looking around your workspace.

"I thought I had a picture here of Yoongi and me?" you asked yourself under your breath. You pouted and texted Yoongi.

(Blossom 🤍): Baby...I think I lost my picture at work. I must have misplaced it when I packed up to go home but now I'm sad.

(Yoon 🖤): don't worry, we'll look for it once I get back. It's probably laying in plain sight and you've overlooked it.

(Blossom 🤍): okay 😔 can we take another one just in case I've lost it?

(Yoon 🖤): Blossom 😂 we take pictures all the time. You do not have to ask me to take more.

(Blossom 🤍): you didn't like to before mister!

(Yoon 🖤): I was younger and we weren't together. Why would I need to take pictures?

(Blossom 🤍): it was only five years ago 😒 and you should always take pictures! You look so handsome 🥺

(Yoon 🖤): so I was still younger then. I'll only take pictures for you.

(Blossom 🤍): you better! My shift is almost over! I'll text you before bed!

Not pondering on it for too long after your conversation with Yoongi, you got a new admission that needed your attention.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yoongi, Namjoon, and his father are in Japan talking to some of his father's old "friends".  They want to discuss business with his father. The drug trade.

For months now, Yoongi has been fighting with his father about the whole drug trade. Min has been hounding Yoongi about it ever since Namjoon's father convinced him to do so. With Namjoon's father being the current underboss with his father, of course, his father would go along with the one he trusts the most. And he would do anything for wealth. Min probably trusted Namjoon's father more than he trusted Yoongi, his son. But now, his father believes that having a part in the trade will bring more money to the family. Yoongi couldn't argue with that in fact, he agreed. He saw just how much people could potentially make from the trade alone and had no ties to the mafia but he didn't think it was worth the risk.

Casinos, construction, building complexes, and businesses are less risky. Of course, one could wonder how you obtain all that you have but they wouldn't suspect you as fast as they would with drugs. Getting into something like that is like inviting the police right into your home. Yoongi wants his time as boss to be as smooth as possible. He remembered how his mother always had to clean up the messes his father made and the years they spent apart since he went to prison often, he didn't want you to have to do the same. He couldn't let you do the same.

But once his father sets his mind on something, he sticks to it. He shouldn't be surprised, he's the same way. He and his father bumped heads over you plenty of times and Yoongi never let up.

As much as Yoongi tries to separate himself from his father, he still carries his father's traits. There was no denying that.

Namjoon thought the same as Yoongi...but once he talked to Yoongi's father and his father, it all made sense. Namjoon has a great relationship with his father and always trusted what he told him. Min has always been a second father figure for him as well. They told him to convince Yoongi before the trip but he hasn't had the chance to talk to him alone. Since they were going to be gone for two weeks, Yoongi spent every waking moment with you. Even on the trip, he's been talking to you all day and all night. The dinner is tonight, so he has to convince him right now, but of course, he's talking to you.

"It's 11 at night, why are you just now having dinner?" Namjoon heard you ask Yoongi. Yoongi chuckled.

"Because my father wants to have dinner with one of his friends he hasn't seen in a long time and they aren't done with whatever they are doing until that late. Don't worry though, Joon and I had a filling lunch today." Yoongi said while aimlessly picking at the bottom of his shirt. He smiled at your sweet giggle on the other end. "I hope it was good!"

Namjoon hated to interrupt. He knows how much Yoongi wants to talk to you, especially after the blow-up a few weeks ago but he only had less than an hour before they had to leave. It was now or never.

Namjoon walked over to Yoongi and cleared his throat.

"I need to talk to you about something."

Yoongi looked up at Namjoon with a slight frown.

"Can't it wait until I'm done?"

"No. We need to talk about it before dinner. It's important."

"Baby don't worry about it! You can call me when you're done with everything. I don't mind waiting for you. I'm off tomorrow" you said reassuring him. An annoyed sigh left his mouth. Namjoon became a bit worried since it isn't the best time to talk to him when he was irritated. Especially if one interrupts his time with you.

"No, it's okay blossom. I'll call you in the morning. Get some rest. I should be home tomorrow night or early the next morning.  Goodnight, I love you"

"I love you too, baby! Hurry back to me. I miss you! And don't work too hard! Have some fun every once in a while!" You said which made Yoongi snort.

"I only have fun when I'm with you." Yoongi smiled. Namjoon knew that if he allowed this to continue, he'd be waiting for another 30 minutes before he could say anything.

"Yoongi" Namjoon said sternly, which caused Yoongi's smile to fade. Yoongi rolled his eyes before saying another set of goodbyes and I love you's.

After getting off the phone, Yoongi's dark eyes looked into Namjoon's.

"What could you possibly want that couldn't wait until I was done with my conversation"

" Since we don't have much time, I'm going to just say it, I think we should get into the drug trade. BEFORE you say anything just hear me out. We have enough businesses to cover our tracks. No one would expect it. It's not like we are the ones sitting on the streets selling it. That's what we have our soldiers for. They sell and the family profits. This would be good for you to come in as boss with a new way to make money. You'll be able to bring in more than your father did when taking the family from your grandfather"

Yoongi shook his head with a condescending scoff. He knew exactly where Namjoon got this idea. He was just agreeing with him a few months back.

"Did my father talk to you regarding this? Because I believe I've already made up my mind. No drugs. It's not worth the risk I thought I told you that. And tell me you can see Jungkook selling drugs? I certainly cannot, unless they're all women. Then he'll be our top seller." Yoongi scoffed with a chuckle. Namjoon sighed before continuing.

"Our fathers and I talked about it a few nights before we left for the trip. At first, I agreed with you, and I still do but when they explained it, I understood better. I think we can do this. With everything we have? No one would expect a thing-"

"You keep saying that as if I told Y/n about anything. Regardless of what we have or what can cover what, do you think I want to push drugs in my home? Where would it all go? Do you want me to go purchase a warehouse and fill it up? How would I explain that? It's already hard enough to keep things between us as it is. I'm not denying that it could bring profit up, there's no question about it. But I'm not trying to add something else I have to hide from her. You don't fucking know how hard it is to keep lying to her." Yoongi jumped up, completely taking Namjoon by surprise. Namjoon felt horrible listening to Yoongi talk about you. He didn't like lying to you either. But this isn't about you, they both had a family and reputation to uphold. He wasn't going to back down like he knew Yoongi wasn't

"Listen, I know what my father wants for the family. He only wants the best and so do I. But in a few months, he's not going to have much say-so. I want my time as boss to be smooth sailing and if, IF, I decide to have kids with Y/n, I want it to be just as smooth for my kid to run or not to run if he so chooses. You're my underboss, you're supposed to be on the same page regardless of what your opinion is. I don't give a fuck what my father or a matter of fact what your father wants. If I have to find another underboss, let me know right now you can go work for my father if that's what you fucking want"

Yoongi was two inches from Namjoon's face. His eyes were dark and serious. Namjoon knew there was nothing else he could say. He threatened his position and knew he wouldn't be let off easily. He shouldn't have had so much confidence in convincing Yoongi...

~~~~~~~~

"You wanted to see me?" Namjoon asked, walking into the conference room. He was a little nervous when Yoongi's father called him but a part of his nerves subsided when he saw his father.

"Yes, son. Don't be so nervous, please have a seat." His father said pointing to the black couch that faced another black couch that the two men were sitting on.

"I'm just wondering why I wasn't to inform Yoongi about me coming here," Namjoon said, finally taking his seat. "I just hope everything is okay"

Yoongi's dad sat his wine down on the white coffee table in front of him with a big smile.

"Things are amazing but they are going to become better. We have some new things that we're going to be adding to our... assets."

Namjoon smiled softly and nodded. "That's great, what's going to happen?"

"Since Yoongi added the real estate and the new property, it's a success. I'm quite proud of you two. How did you guys come up with that?" Yoongi's dad asked. Namjoon thought it was a little weird for him to ask so off topic but he wasn't going to tell him that.

"Yoongi thought it was a good idea for us to get into and he told Seokjin and me to look more into it" He lied.

His father chuckled. Yoongi's father shared the same chuckle as they knew something. That made Namjoon nervous all over again.

"I think I'm going to ask again," Yoongi's father started, "How did Yoongi come up with that idea?"

"My son is smart, a genius even. But real estate just seems...out of his element"

Namjoon paused for a second. Yoongi made him swear not to discuss anything concerning Y/n with his father. As his father knows, Yoongi finally told Y/n everything and she understands it all which he knows is a lie. When Min finally told his wife about his "work" she threatened to divorce him on the spot.

So you being so understanding is unrealistic to Min. He had to admit, Yoongi could lie to anyone but he could never lie to him. He always knew when his son was lying, which wasn't often. Only when Yoongi started to see you is when he started lying to everyone around him.

"Well, Yoongi had to come up with something. She asked him about his work and why he was gone all the time. He just said we were into real estate and we looked at a lot of property. It made the most sense" Namjoon admitted.

He knew he just committed the worst act against Yoongi. Especially, in a life like this. You have very few that you can trust. Yoongi always made it clear that he only trusted three people. Seokjin, Namjoon and Y/n. As much as he loved his mother, he didn't trust her. She'll say and do anything to keep her "perfect" family. He knew she wouldn't do a thing to hurt him but he knew she had to be loyal to his father. So, if it came between him or his father? It'll always be his father.

"You're smart Namjoon. We are deciding to get into the drug trade and while I'm still in charge, it's already a go. We just need to make sure Yoongi keeps it going once I step down and we need you to look into everyone that's already in the trade and pay them a little visit after we get things settled." Min said.

"It'll benefit the family." his father added.

" I can look into it but I don't think I'll be able to do anything more. Yoongi does not want to get into the drug trade. He told us that months ago and he still stands on that today." Namjoon admitted.

"And that's why we've called you here son. You need to convince him, this can bring in revenue without having to put much out. You are his underboss. If anything, he should trust your judgment." his father told him.

"If he's going to listen to anyone, it'd be you, Y/n, or Seokjin. Y/n still doesn't know what my son does and Seokjin never goes against Yoongi no matter if I'm still boss or not but you? You listen. You're a good kid. You would never tell Yoongi anything wrong, he trusts you. You can convince him." Min said standing.

"Unless...I have to have a little talk with yn. I bet that'll get Yoongi on board real quick" Min said with the same dark glare Yoongi had. Namjoon cursed himself and shook his head 'No'

If that happened, Yoongi would go crazy. Especially if you left him because of that. He'd probably kill everyone except for Seokjin and him.

"No, don't. I'll see what I can do"

~~~~~

"You know I don't want that. You also know I'd never tell you to do something if the risk was great. I'd never do anything that would jeopardize you. Even though I shouldn't be, I consider your feelings for yn and how you don't want to lose her.  Let's just try it out for a month and if it doesn't work or you still don't like it, we'll stop. I know you really don't want to do this but your father is still your boss as well until December. Just hold out a little longer. We're almost there" Namjoon said calmly.

Yoongi rolled his eyes and sighed sharply.

"If this goes to shit, you will be held responsible. No questions asked." Yoongi said before turning from his underboss. "Also.."

Yoongi turned back towards Namjoon.

"If I find out that you speak to my father without speaking to me again. I'll see it to where you can't go anywhere in this world."

Yoongi said coldly which sent chills down Namjoon's spine.

Yoongi didn't want to hurt his best friend but he also felt his best friend wasn't understanding the seriousness of talking about you or anything to his father. Yoongi walks off, retreating to his side of the shared room to get ready for this dinner. Namjoon finally felt like he could breathe, the hardest part was over. At least he thought so.

[sunwarmed-ash]

Did someone order some fucking angst?

Gavin-centric, something I'm working on atm

Hankconvin ship, angst, dead dove do not eat.

“No.”

Elijah laughs, cruel and pitchy, in a way that twists an old, healed-over scar in his chest.  

“I wasn’t giving you a choice Vinny.” 

“I said phcking no! I ain’t going with you.”

“Is this about the Lieutenant? Or Connor?”

Gavin’s face flushed in a way that’s always been his downfall. 

Elijah laughed, cruel and uncompassionate to Gavin’s pain. 

“You think he’s returned to you with open arms, but he’ll leave you again. He will, because you have been lying to him. And when he does, when they both do, where will that leave you?"

“It's different this time,” gavin restates, because it is! 

“How, because of Connor?”

Elijah's cruel laughter fills the hollow bedroom. “Why would Hank need you when I personally created him your replacement?” 

-

Gavin’s deep into the dark caves of his mind when he walks back into the room where Connor’s being treated. When he enters, the conversation the two men were having stops, and Gavin just wants to disappear into the floorboards.

He tries to force a smile onto his face, because Connor is alive, Elijah saved him, that part wasn't a trick. Elijah had held up his end of the bargain, and now it was time for Gavin to hold up his. Even if it would destroy him, one cancerous blood cell at a time. 

“Gavin?”

Connor’s voice is so soft and worried, it just makes all of this hurt so much worse.

“Yeah, hey.”

His own voice isn't louder than a whisper. He’s surprised he was able to make it work at all. 

“What's wrong?” Connors' growing concern just twists the knife even more. Gavin has to do this. Now. Before it gets harder. 

It's going to kill him. But he has to. They will be okay, they have each other. This will guarantee they stay safe. Because Elijah will leave them alone if he has Gavin. He won't come after them. 

“I’m- resigning from the DPD.” 

“WHAT?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?!”

The pair explodes their confusion and anger and it triggers Gavin’s many PTSD symptons. Gavin can’t look at either of them. He can barely push the words through his throat and out. 

“I have to stay here, with Elijah."

Connor’s hand finds his and squeezes it, desperate for Gavin to look at him and explain just what in the fuck is going on. But he can't. He can't because then this will be impossible. And Elijah will certainly kill Connor. Porbably right in front of the two of them. And then he will kill Hank, and leave Gavin to clean it all up. 

“Why do you have to quit though. If you stay here, you could… commute,” Connor tries, desperate for anything that could keep him with them, and Gavin pulls his hand back. It hurts. 

“Clean break is better,” he says, and its immediately clear in the stunned silence they're not talking about a job resignation here. “He’s- gonna need round the clock care. He’s- sick." The lie burns on his tongue like acid. He hates it. Hates everything his life has become. Always has been. Is doomed to be. Time is a flat circle. Everything that has every been or ever will be is doomed to repeat itself in a horrific, never ending cycle, forever. “Believe me, I’d do anything for it to not be this way… but it has to be. I don’t want this.” 

Because that has to be clear. He phcking hates that he’s let himself feel love again, because it being ripped away from him again will be his inevitable downfall. Gavin is moments from losing it. He’s gonna have an episode. He's gotta get out of here before the panic builds so strong he suffocates in front of them. He has to go. But there's a very real chance he will never see them again. Elijah could burst in here and collect him any second. He can't leave either of them without saying how he feels. 

Gavin finally looks up, because he has to to do what he intends to do, and it shatters him. 

Connor is crying. Connor. The android. Is crying. And Hank is so worked up he’s refusing to look at Gavin. 

Gavin starts with Connor. 

“I’m so sorry.” 

He moves in close until their lips are touching, and Gavin kisses Connor with every ounce of whatever the phuk is left of his heart. He hates this. He wants to go with them. But he can't. He’s trapped. He needs help. He needs saving. Save me Connor. Please. 

When Gavin pulls away Connor is reeling in a shaky breath. He catches Gavin before he can move more than just a few inches away.

“Gavin please.”

Gavin pulls away, he can't-

He moves to Hank and his eyes are pissed, burning and demanding answers Gavin can't give him. 

When Gavin moves closer, Hank’s hand comes up, stopping him. 

“I’m not fucking saying goodbye.”

Everything left of Gavin Reed, dies with those 5 words. 

Hank doesn't understand how critical of a plot point this moment is going to be in Gavin’s eventual mental downfall, but in this moment Gavin can’t blame him. 

He doesn't kiss Hank goodbye. He doesn't even get to say goodbye. He can’t. He just, turns towards the door. Elijah is closing in on him. He can feel him, buzzing like a warning bell at the back of his skull. Call it telepathy or PTSD signaling, today he was grateful for the warning.