#someone wanted this so here you go

[am-3-thyst]

using you

shouta aizawa x fem!reader 

 “we’re such a mess together, you make me lose my temper.”

word count: 0.9k

summary: after she left, he only then realised what he lost. It was so difficult to get over her, but for her it seemed otherwise

warnings: neglect, angst, anxiety, slight mention of not eating

request from @potofpatterns

part 2 of runaway runaway

He was restless. At night he felt himself crumble, bed empty, the house quiet. Mornings unfulfilled without the humming coming from the bathroom, or the smell of tea that brewed on the counter. Black specifically, with a tablespoon of honey. It was rough, coming home from a long day, not receiving her embrace, as she would rub the tension out of his back, or comb his hair thoroughly as he talked about his night. Where did it all go wrong?

Oh. 

It occurs to him, whilst he lays down in his bed, staring at the ceiling or the moonlight that peeked through the windows. Of course it was him at fault, because he couldn’t deal with his own shit. He expected himself to be more organised but of course he couldn’t make up his damn mind, he had no control. 

He felt stupid, really. As great as it was to reminisce on back in the days, when they constantly talked about their future. A happy, married future, adopting a cat or two, white picket fence and who knows, someday a family. But no, his actions changed all that. 

Constantly making lazy excuses for his own behaviour, for him lashing out, neglecting and ghosting her when the sun went down. It’s not like they spoke in the morning, both in hardworking jobs, especially due to him having to wake up earlier than her, it created distance between the two.

You’re the only one, who’s making me come to my sinful senses

Her smell still lingered in their, well, his apartment. He could only worry, is she okay? Is she safe? He could still imagine her body in his arms when he would embrace her late in the night. “Fuck.” He muttered, why would he let their relationship turn out this way? He could scoff in astonishment in himself, although he felt his throat grow dry. The fact that he was the one that chased her off was unbearable. 

He grunted, running his rough fingers through his ragged, black hair, already feeling the eye bags underneath his eyes grow heavier by the second. He had to do something, but where could she be? He was unsure. What happens if she sees me and I make everything so much worse? Throwing his fist against his bed, he dragged the covers over his shoulders.

This could wait ‘til morning.

—

He hooked a finger around the collar of his turtleneck nervously, a long black coat enveloped his figure as he stared into the reflection of a bakery window. He saw her there, on a park bench specifically. She still looked radiant as ever, but she had been speaking with a man he did not recognise. Her smile gleamed, but his had faltered. Were he to go speak with her? Wait until the man had left? Thoughts swirled and spiraled in his mind, unsure on how he should approach his fiance. Could he even still call her that? She hadn’t taken off the ring. That must have been a good sign.

Right?

He span around, she was waving bye to him, as he had walked off. His chance had come. So he coughed, and started walking up to her. 

I’ll never love anyone the same

It was when their eyes met, she had frozen. Worry burying in her stomach, a bad taste left in her mouth. He gave her a wave, unsure where to start. “I missed you, its- it makes me feel rotten when you aren’t home. You know I love you, and I miss having you around, in bed next to me every damn night, waiting for me at the latest of hours. I miss you getting on my ass whenever I haven’t eaten properly. You mean the world to me.” He huffed nervously. “Can we end this little feud between us, I can change for the better. Im sorry for how I’ve been, you didn’t deserve this – But I promise you we can go back to normal! I swear.”

  I’ll never feel ashamed of using you for pleasure.

She scoffed, eyebrows furrowing at her desperate ‘fiance’, who’s hands clambered in her presence. “You’re joking, right?” She shook her head in disbelief. “Shouta, I’ve dealt with you for months on end. All because I loved you, I stayed even while you had a stick up your ass. It only took me leaving for you to realise I didn’t deserve that treatment? Where is your common sense?” She stood up, face forward. “You truly are arrogant, We’ve been together for so long, Shouta. The man I fell in love with is gone, heck, every damn time I talked about our wedding, not once did you show enthusiasm!” 

She clenched the bag sitting on her shoulder. “You only want me once you realise what you have and will lose. After all the things I’ve done for you, I’d like you to even try to list the affection and attention you’ve given me.” 

He winced, her words hitting him like stones. 

“You’re an excuse of a man. the nerve to react like this, only to say you’ll change?” She was right, he thought. 

On so many occasions, he told her he would change, and a small spark of hope in her brain told her he was right. 

When now even he still hasn’t.

“I’m so damn exhausted, you act like I don't have a job too? Im uneasy every time I get home, my back aches and my migraines get so bad I need to sit down for a while. But you know what? I put it all aside for you.”

We’re such a mess together.

“God, you make me lose my temper!” 

 She exclaimed, fists clenched. “Especially after that ‘I’m not in love with you anymore’ bullshit? Really? As much as I hate to cause a scene, Shouta, you need to hear it. ‘Cause I’m done.” She wrapped her arms around her torso in an attempt to comfort and control herself. 

“Don’t do this to us, please, my girl.”

She scoffed, grabbing his palm. It felt so nice to receive touch from her, until she pulled the ring off her finger and placed it in his hand. 

“Don’t you see Shouta? You did this to yourself.”

[planefood]

rules for thee and not for me

[gibbearish]

love when ppl defend the aggressive monetization of the internet with "what, do you just expect it to be free and them not make a profit???" like. yeah that would be really nice actually i would love that:)! thanks for asking

[catmask]

its true that romance amd friendship will not solve everything but. objectively speaking its very hard to get sad when you can say 'lets go get cake tomorrow okay' and someone will go get cake with you. like there is some good at least. you know

[samble-moved]

post itself

false flags

trans/adjacent tags

accessibility features

tumblr live post (thanks for the link, @problemnyatic)

flashing / strobing / lights

unblockable flashing ad

buying ad free

staff @/macmanx guilt trip

list of staff + more issues

[chittychittyyangyang]

Listen, you should never film strangers in public without their consent, but I swear there need to be fines or something for people who do that shit in some spaces. For example: I had to go to the ER last night, and some jerk filmed a woman who just came in and was clearly having an asthma attack. She immediately got to go back, and he was unhappy about that. Believe me, I get that it sucks having to wait when you're in pain, but you don't get to pick who deserves care when. The medical system in the US is a nightmare, and the ER could be the worst moment of someone's life. No one deserves to be recorded because some jack ass believes someone doesn't look like they need care.

This is fine to reblog. People who film strangers should be shamed if nothing else.

[inkskinned]

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Council of lovefools.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[milkywayes]

GARRUS VAKARIAN: DATABASE IMAGE ACCESS. > PT. 1 : 2160, 2166, 2170. > all files backdated according to user preferences: (terran_coordinated.calendar).

[somecunttookmyurl]

the "all customer service people are trained by management to be illiterate apes you can never get any resolutions by design dont be mean about it" crowd would faint to know there is a guy at my bank RIGHT NOW attempting to resolve an issue that would normally take a week

see. i tried to order food (having nothing of note in the house, and too much pain currently to get down 3 flights of stairs about it) and the payment failed on just eat's end.

but it went through fine on my bank's end, so the funds are tied up in "pending"... for a week. my available balance is now 95p so i can't just do it again

the bank cannot typically do anything about this until the normal time frame for collection passes and they funds just release automatically. just eat have zero contactable customer service

but it is for FOOD and there's no more MONEY and i am a DISABLED CUSTOMER so BY FUCKING GOD not on zeeshan's watch

[saragrosie]

As promised, incredibly stupid s4-5 drawings

[just-null]

im so mad at u omg

how dare u make my noritoshi obsession 10 times worse

Noritoshi spews his true feelings when you're upset with him. Similar to a very eager puppy trying to regain your favor by any means...... but realizes what he says and blames you for turning him into a fool. Another downside for him is that he won't take his words back in fear of you getting the wrong idea.

you're just a bully that he hopes will forget about the embarrassing words he blurted out.

hes simultaneously reeling and embarrassed. is this what happens when you make your love upset? does that imply he's your love?!

[stiffyck]

Saw a post that made me furious yesterday so if people STILL don't understand this:

Aspec people are queer.

And no, it's not our love that makes us queer, it's our LACK of certain types of love that make us queer.

There is of course aspec people who are queer both because of their love and their lack of love, but being aspec is queer because of the lack of love.

Saying "but aspecs love too! Their love is also important! Aro and ace people have love and their love is also important!" is not the support you think it is for a lot of aspec people.

My love for my mother isn't what makes me queer. My love for my friends isn't what makes me queer. It's my lack or romantic love that makes me queer. Yea love is important to me, especially platonic love, but that is not what makes me queer.

And let's not forget about loveless aros.

For the love of god stop going "but aros love too!" just so you can relate to us somehow or just so you can include us. We don't need love to be included.

And because some people are going to take this as a personal attack: no, there is nothing wrong with being gay. There is nothing wrong with love is love. Love is important to a lot of people and I am not saying love is bad.

Happy pride everyone

[my-fall-from-grace]

ok yknow what i’m gonna say it

no matter how “bad” logan has been or how “little” he deserves this 2nd year or how he’s a “pay driver” or whatever else y’all always say

he doesn’t deserve this. any of this

since the very first moment he stepped in a f1 car, he’s been treated as a joke. first it was the wtf is a kilometre jokes then rah rah eagles and now logan in the wall / fork found in kitchen / deuxmoi memes. every weekend, the commentators compare him to his teammate, ignoring the difference in experience and the way they aren’t even driving the same car and that logan was literally running last years specs multiple times. they compare him to oscar, who has driven multiple times f1 cars during test runs and is in a mclaren and the situations are not even remotely similar, ignoring that logan was promoted early, that he didn’t have much opportunity to drive f1 cars even for testing, that he was literally tossed into the deep end without any help and told to survive.

the only time they were even remotely kind to him was when they gave his car to alex. which thanks for the support or whatever but that is so backhanded i don’t even have the words to describe it.

i think we’re all coming to the terms with the reality that this will be his last year in f1. and i don’t think that’s fair for so many reasons. you promote him early, you give him a shit car, you talk bad about him in the media and you don’t promote him (lap of legends hello?) and you openly court other drivers for his seat. you disrespect him and allow others to disrespect him and that’s not right.

formula 1 is the dream for so many people. imagine achieving your dream, even if it’s in a joke of a team, even if it’s too early. but then you become the joke of a joke, you become the american, which is a bad thing. the outsider, the one who doesn’t belong. they make fun of you each weekend. they ask every day when you’ll be replaced.

(and yeah i agree. he does need to improve to have any hope of keeping his seat, f1 is brutal and it’s never been kind, and i’m not being naive and thinking oh it’s his dream and so he deserves it despite it all. i’m not saying that. what i am saying is that is a human being, just like nicholas latifi was, and some of you are too comfortable being cruel.)

speaking of being the american. they make fun of you as though that will punish the fia for putting 3 us races on the calendar. as though that will punish all the american fans who came to f1 through drive to survive. as though that will keep f1 pure and european and whatever the fuck else - they do the same to yuki and zhou and checo and lewis and even if logan’s situation is not even remotely similar to what they’ve experienced, there’s a bias to f1 that cannot be ignored.

but that’s not the point i’m trying to make. not today

this was your dream. this was your dream. and you were never allowed to enjoy it because you became the punchline of a joke the minute you accepted the seat. it was always going to end like this. you knew that.

so yeah. congrats to logan for achieving his dream of driving in f1! it’s unfortunate that he was never allowed to live it.

[saltpepperbeard]

is this anything

[paiirupie]

💌 valentine confession.