#sometimes I think that it took less than 2 years of being married to his new wife

[wolfsnake]

Feeling homesick for a country Ive never been too

[hyunjinsjeans]

He Knows (Changbin ver.)

Chan ver. | Lee Know ver. | Hyunjin ver.

MASTERLIST

Synopsis: you already have a baby, but maybe you are ready for baby number two… it might be that your husband is not as ready.

Type: Fluff 🧸, a little bit of angst at the end if you squint ❤️‍🩹, SFW 👍

Warnings: Mentions of pregnancy

Word Count: 2110

AN: this one is a little more on the angsty side. I hope it is cool with y’all! It seems the word count keeps coming up, so uh, sorry about that. I hope you enjoy!

You knew Changbin was not one to make rash decisions. In fact, it took you almost two years to start dating officially, and it was in part because you warned him either he gave you a label or he could lose your number. 

He did not like the idea of losing you for a second. Which is how he learned to pay a little less attention to his rational side and allowed himself to go by feelings when it came to the two of you. He was smart anyway, there was no need to overthink things. 

To everyone’s surprise you were the first couple in his group to get engaged, then married and a little under 2 years ago welcomed a baby girl who stole the show anywhere she went. Hajoon, was the name you came to pick together, meaning summer, she was your little ray of sunshine from the moment you first knew of her existence when you were only 6 months into married life. Changbin had gone into a short panic at first but he recovered quite smoothly and in true Seo Changbin fashion he stepped into his role as if he had been doing it all his life. You had been scared all throughout the pregnancy, not having planned for it and finding yourself struggling with morning sickness while he was away in America promoting with the boys. Giving birth made you anxious enough you actually started working out more than your husband, taking all the yoga classes you could handle and signing up for as many pre-natal pilates as possible. One would think you were never going to want to have a baby again. 

And one would be wrong. 

You were at peace with your small family of three until you started taking Hajoon to daycare. She was a happy little girl, knowing little more than her family and uncles. Following her father around as much as possible, she started dancing almost as quickly as she started walking and her speaking was coming along better than expected according to your in-laws. Most likely thanks to Changbin’s silly rap battles with his baby girl. No one year old could compete with his speed, but Hajoon would be damned if she didn’t try.

“No, no; she has a good rhythm!” Changbin always defended his daughter. 

And the fact was, Hajoon loved to play with her daddy, with her uncles… but most of all she loved playing with her daycare buddies. You could see how happy she was in the morning when you went to wake her up, get her dressed and bring her to the kitchen to have breakfast with Changbin. Yes, she was a daddy’s girl through and through (and Changbin was lost in that girl dad daze, wrapped around her miniscule finger from day one). But she would let go of her appa the instant you mentioned daycare. And upon seeing her little friends, she would forget all about how comfortable and warm your embrace was. 

Sometimes you stayed long enough to watch her find her friends, a couple of boys around her same age and a girl a little bit older. 

You couldn’t help it, in your heart you craved to give her the possibility of a friend to play with at all times. Someone to share all those toys you asked the boys not to get her but somehow still made it into Hajoon’s tiny backpack whenever you would hang out.  You wanted her to have what Changbin had with his sister. And your husband’s behavior upon finishing promotions for the last mini album did not do anything other than add fuel to the fire. 

Changin was not stupid (no matter what Seungmin’s opinion on the matter could be), he could tell when something was going on around him. He knew you were being “strange”. Quiet. 

If he knew one thing about you, it was that you were never quiet. Even when you were thinking things over, you reasoned out loud with yourself. You were never one to stay still for too long either. You were more obvious than you would ever like to admit. 

Chanbin was absolutely in love with you before Hajoon, but after she was born it was like the entire world revolved around the two of you, himself included. Which is why he was so aware of every detail in your life. How you still laid your hand in the middle of the bed between the two of you, as if your baby girl was still sleeping there as she had the first few months of her life. He knew you still used those baby oils on your daughter, refusing to move on from the baby scent. Changbin could also see how your eyes lit up at the sight of your daughter pressing her ear to Lee Know’s wife’s growing belly. 

Oh, if he could he would give you a baby right there and then. But he was so busy with work these days. 

Changbin arrived home under a light rain, his feet causing the water on the ground to fly around in small drops. He looked up under his umbrella to see you through the window, most likely making cookies in the kitchen with Hajoon as your helper. You two loved to play cooks. He loved to play the faithful customer. 

A smile spread across his face when he heard the loud giggles erupt from the home, you yelled in surprise while a joyful high pitched voice announced “more choco-ate!” 

Changbin knew your little one was a chocolate enthusiast. On that note he decided to come in, leaving his dirty boots on the entryway before calling for his family. 

“I’m home!” He put his jacket away. 

“Now, don’t run Joonie!” You advised from the kitchen. 

The sound of light feet quickly tapping on the floor was a clear indication that your advice was not taken. 

“Appaaaaa!” 

Changbin knelt to catch the fast approaching girl, her pigtails flying in the air while she ran with her arms open wide. She had no doubt he would catch her so she threw herself at him and got held against her dad’s strong chest, her cheek pressed happily onto his shirt. 

“There’s my princess!” He kissed the top of her head repeatedly as she giggled in his arms. “Where’s your mother, huh?”

As if you heard him, you stepped out of the kitchen. He lifted his gaze before picking up his daughter and going up to you, giving your cheek a gentle kiss. 

“What are you two up to?” He looked you up and down. 

You tilted your head to the side with a small smile on your face, you fixed Hajoon’s shirt that had ridden up her back and let your daughter explain. 

“Cookies”, she whispered into his ear. 

Changbin didn’t even flinch at the warm air his daughter blew straight into his ear. 

You asked him how things had gone at the studio and he sighed in response, not wanting to say too much. He had been working on a few songs with Chan and Han for over a week, some were good and ready to go. Others were still works in progress. It seemed like they would have more than enough material for their next album, but he knew it was all a lot more work to get done. And just before his baby girl’s second birthday. 

Although Changbin was keeping it to himself, he was overwhelmed. Still, you could tell. 

The sweet smell of the cookies flooded the house even a few hours after you had all eaten dinner. Giving Changbin the chance to unwind, you let him and Hajoon play in the living room while you cleaned up the kitchen. The sound of the tv and some of the girl’s toys resonated through the house along with their loud laughter.

Soon enough you walked into the living room to find Changbin snoozing on the sofa with Hajoon cuddled up to his chest, head nestled in the space between his neck and shoulder. You knew you already had many photos like this, but still pulled your phone out of your pant’s pocket and took the picture. 

“I’m not really asleep, you know?” Your husband’s voice startled you. 

“Oh,” you jumped to put your phone away. “Do you need help with the little one?”

He shook his head slowly, pointing for you to sit next to him.

You turned the tv down as you went to take a seat next to him, his free arm reached for your hand and intertwined your fingers. 

“We need to talk,” he mumbled. 

You looked back into his eyes. He was tired from the long day at work, you sighed and wondered what he wanted to talk about so you nodded and watched your daughter’s peaceful face. She was sound asleep, exhausted by the afternoon walk and the subsequent baking session. 

“What is it?” You turned in your seat to face him more. 

Changbin let out a heavy sigh, he did not like that he needed to bring it up but he could not have you hoping he would catch on to you and go along with it. 

“You know I love you,” he wasn’t asking but you nodded at his words, “and I love Joonie, you two mean so much to me…” 

He closed his eyes and you tugged on his hand, speaking as well. Encouraging your husband. Maybe the two of you knew where this conversation was going, reading each other in a heartbeat. 

“Oh, Binnie, we love you too. What do you need to say?”

Here came the difficult words: “Next year is going to be busy. I won’t be home a lot.” He opened his eyes and searched your face for a reaction. 

You opened your mouth to speak a couple of times but weren’t able to say anything. To be honest, you saw this coming. It did not make it any easier to accept what was being said between the lines. 

Changbin felt guilty when you looked away, there was a smile on your lips that was unable to reach any other feature on your face. 

“It’s only a year,” he tugged at your hand. 

You blinked at that and took in a deep breath. “Is there another world tour?”

“Yeah, we’re so excited but… I wouldn’t be able to leave you with this little monkey and another one on the way.”

There it was. Your head snapped in his direction, unable to play fool and tiptoe around the topic any longer. 

“I’m not saying I want one right now. You are busy, you’re tired. I just think we should plan it soon. I don’t want Hajoon to have a big age gap with her siblings.”

You leaned back on the sofa and put your head on his shoulder, watching your daughter sleep. Allowing Changbin’s warmth to comfort you from the disappointment of hearing him put your wish to have another baby on the waiting list.

Changbin let go of your hand and wrapped his arm around you. At least you were on the same page. “We can try for next year. With luck I won’t get completely outnumbered by girls.”

You bit back your laughter as you rested your hand on his stomach. “Oh, but you’re such a good girl dad!” 

“It’s only easy because Hajoon is a mini-you. And a rockstar really… more than me.” 

You giggled. 

“She is a mini-you, what are you talking about?” You caressed your little girl’s chubby cheek. 

She has the same face shape as her dad, her cheeks round and pink, her lips small and heart shaped.

“Actually, maybe I want an army of mini-you’s…” he let his fingers run along your shoulder.

You rolled your eyes, “I can’t make any promises about gender, but I definitely want to have another one.”

Changbin agreed and kissed your hair, “I’m sorry it’s not what you wanted. I would love to do it right now, but I would feel like crap knocking you up and then leaving the country. I will be here with you when we do it again.” He pressed his cheek to the top of your head. “I promise.” 

You tilted your head back and kissed his jaw, then his cheek and when he turned to you, you pressed a short kiss to his lips. 

“I’m not mad. You don’t have to explain anything to me, I get it. And you’re right, this is the best way to do it. Together.”

“Since you like the idea, you could kiss me again, you know?” He proposed, bringing up the mood again.

————

Likes, Reblogs and Comments are welcome! Thank you for reading!

[vlrghoes]

What Once Was | Chapter One

author’s note: I edited and proof read this after coming back from the club so if you see something wrong don’t be afraid to point it out as I’m quite friendly anyway!

I still don’t know if I like this chapter but overall I’m just shy about sharing my work because I’m hyper judgmental of my own work but I still wanted to share this with you guys anyway.

The chapters after this will be set a few years after this (which will be clarified in the chapters)

I’m English so if anything is wrong in terms of America and the health practices please forgive me!

I’m literally yapping now but I do want to say that I can’t promise chapter two will come in under 2 weeks as I’ve just finished my law degree and landed my dream job (not related to my degree) and I start training next Sunday and it’s for 5 weeks, really intense and with exams almost every day and if I mess up I lose my job. (Not sure if it’s obvious what my job is but anyways.) Also it’s my birthday on Wednesday and I’m celebrating Thursday so less time to write!

cw/tw: death, pregnancy complications, heavy angst, references to mental health and body dysmorphia/body image issues

word count: 4370 (I never usually write more than 2k so this is weird for me)

tag list (ask to be added): @trippinsorrows @cyberdejos2 @maeb99 @southerngirl41 @callmekayd @trentybenty @tian-monique @rose-bliss (if your name isn’t in grey, it’s not letting me tag you but I’ll try in the comment section)

masterlist

“You’re choosing that stupid title over your family again.” Ayanna’s voice cracked, the finality of her words hanging in the air as Joe stood frozen, his guilt palpable and his resolve wavering. She had spent all day running around the house and decorating for their special day. She spent hours preparing a nice steak dinner for the two of them, however it had been left untouched, the wait quelling her appetite as she now only felt sick. The dress she picked out now felt too revealing, no longer complimenting her body. Suddenly it clung to all the wrong parts and accentuated her weight gain, making her feel like a whale instead. The candles in the house had melted to the point where the fire had flickered out and the playlist she had queued just sounded like white noise at this point. Nothing matters anymore because Joe is late, late home once again and Ayanna is reaching breaking point. She spent hours waiting for him after she prepared their dinner, but all the effort didn’t matter anymore because instead of romance, the air was filled with tension and dread. “You know they’re due any day now, Joe how could you do this to me, to us. How can you still be wrestling so soon to my due date?” She said, her voice filled with emotion as she tried to steady herself. She didn’t want to cry, she had cried so much this entire pregnancy and she felt miserable. Instead of having that pregnancy glow like Rihanna, she had the life sucked out of her and she just felt lifeless.

“Look baby, I'm sorry.” Joe began, trying to figure out mentally how to get himself out of the trouble he was in. It wasn’t his fault, the media day for Wrestlemania was meant to finish much earlier but they took longer to set up, in turn making Joe’s interview (which was last) late. He had intended to be home earlier but it just seemed like the universe had other plans.

“Don’t even bother” Ayanna sighed, playing with the ring on her finger which now felt like it weighed a tonne. When they first got together, he gave it to her as a promise he’d marry her and whilst he did deliver on that promise, since getting pregnant and no longer being able to join him on the road she wondered if it was worth it sometimes. It’s not that she didn’t love Joe, hell sometimes she thinks she loves him too much. However she now isn’t sure if he loved her more than that title. He used to be so romantic; he’d bring her flowers every single day no matter what, he’d take her on dates, even small ones that weren't as lavish and she loved it. But the more he climbed up the ranks of WWE, the less the romance was there. Then shortly after he became champion everything stopped. Their marriage hit the rocks as he was never home and he started to miss things such as birthdays and christmases, so to save their marriage Ayanna gave up everything and joined him on the road. It was all going great until her later stages of pregnancy which stopped her from travelling with him but the most important thing for Ayanna was that he never missed an anniversary.

Well that was until now.

“Do you even know what day it is?” Ayanna asked, her voice quiet as she watched his mind tick, the cogwheels visabilly spinning with his face scrunched up in confusion, dull eyes squinting until it all finally clicks and he looks at her horrified. “You know, as bad as you’ve been lately, I always used to say ‘at least he’d always remembered our anniversary’ but it seems I can’t even say that anymore.” She spits, her heart breaking as the words leave her mouth.

“Yana” he started, feeling dizzy as he watched her flinch, a look almost of disgust flashing within her eyes. The nickname didn’t bring the butterflies it used to bring anymore, instead it forced a swell of emotion that made her feel like she could spew her guts any second. She used to look at him in adoration, but as the years passed the glimmer in her eyes decreased daily until they were fully extinguished. “Baby things are going to change after wrestlemania, I promise. Just one more match, after this I promise I’ll ask Vince again for some time off, I’m sure he’ll give it to me this time.”

The both of them knew that he was telling her what he wanted her to hear, the same conversation being repeated so many times to the point where they felt like they were in limbo. The last time Joe had asked, Vince told him he couldn’t have time off as he was their top star and Joe simply didn’t ask again. He always seemed to lack a backbone in situations that require him having one, but is happy to have a backbone and be stubborn when he doesn't need to be. Ayanna was exhausted, carrying one baby is hard enough but of course Joe carried the twin gene so she was carrying two instead and it felt like they were draining the life from her body. “I just want you to be present Joe, I feel like a single mother despite being married.” She pleaded, her voice filled with desperation. No one ever mentioned how lonely pregnancy is. She had lost many friends as she couldn’t go out to the club or drink anymore which meant that she spent days on end staring at the four walls of her bedroom watching the time pass as she waited up for Joe to come home. She sighed, tears threatening to well in her eyes which made her mentally curse. Stupid baby hormones. “You made the same promise last time, I don’t think you understand that one day I may not be here. You’ve missed so much already and you will never get this time back.”

She waited for Joe to say something, anything that could save the situation and at some points she felt like he was. But he’d then swallow the words back with a bitter taste and instead just looked at her in defeat. Nothing could save Ayanna for the despair she felt and she felt stupid even having this conversation with him. Instead, she gives him one more look over, a silent plea to say something or do something but the window of time closes as soon as she opens and she ends up turning on her feet and going to bed. She kept her room door ajar, hoping he’d come and knock, give her the tight hugs he used to give her and shower her in kisses and apologies but it never happens.

Joseph himself didn’t know what to do. They had the fairytale romance all their friends envied when they were younger, he was the promising D1 football player and she was a shoe-in to be a future Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. They looked good together and spent years in their honeymoon phase, yet somehow as they grew older the fairytale had started to wear off. He looked around the room with a frown, his stomach twisting and his heart aching as he realised exactly how much effort she had put in for their anniversary dinner and in that moment he felt like a horrible person. He knew he needed to pack as he was leaving at 5AM to get a jet for Wrestlemania but a large part of him wanted to go and fix the situation. But he knew nothing could ever fix it. They promised each other that they’d never go to bed without resolving an argument but that promise got broken several times to the point of which it no longer had any weight. So instead, Joe went into the walk-in closet and packed his things, believing that there’s nothing he could do to fix the situation.

That night, for the first time in their marriage the couple slept in separate rooms. Joe in the guest room tossing and turning in his own guilt, whilst Ayanna tried her hardest to muffle her sobs in the pillow. Her tears soaked the case through and her heart shattered in the pieces.

The next morning, Ayanna woke with the worst headache. Her head was pounding so intensely it hurt to open her eyes, however she put it down to the fact she spent all night crying and didn’t sleep. She called out for Joe, hoping he’d be home still so they could make up after their argument and wish him luck tonight as no matter what she loved him and didn’t want to continue on with another argument. But as she made it to the guest room, she realised it was too late and he was already gone. Her heart splintered like fragile glass, and she wept until the well of her tears ran dry, leaving her hollow and desolate.

“Fix your face uce.” His cousin Joshua says with a nudge. Joe having a face like a slapped ass and a snappy attitude had become too common these days and the twins, Joe’s only confidants, knew exactly what was going on. They’d grown up with Joe and practically spent their whole lives with Ayanna through her association with Joe, meaning they had been privy to almost all of the couple’s relationship issues.

“He’s right, every day you walk around here with the face you used to have when my dad used to whoop us all for breaking the window with the football.” Jonathon adds on, a small chuckle escaping from his twin brother as the memory of that day flashes through him. The twins and Joseph had grown up together due to their parents living next door to one another. Rikishi, the twin’s father and Joe’s uncle would say the twins were a bad influence. However everyone who knew them knew that it was actually Joe, he always managed to get away from it all by snitching on the boys before they could save themselves. Which is what led to all of them getting chased with a broom stick as children after Joseph broke the window as they were all playing football, but instead of admitting it he blamed the twins whilst the twins blamed him so the punishment was collective.

“Are you fighting with Yana again?” Joshua asks, earning him a dirty look from both his twin brother and Joseph as the answer was the most obvious thing in the world. The two of them somehow manage to fight more than Joshua and his baby mother, and the pair of them were never even together, just a stupid one night stand.

The pair wait for Joseph to say something but it becomes more and more obvious that he has nothing to say, but the situation is clearly bothering him. Jonathan, the self-labelled “mature” one out of the twins, felt it was best to offer some advice, even if Joe didn’t ask. “Man, I don’t know what’s going on but I know you two have been together since you were both thirteen, whatever it is you’ll make it through it. You guys have always found a way.” The advice, albeit sweet, doesn't really make a difference for Joe. But thankfully he gets called for his press conference anyway so he doesn’t have to engage in the conversation further and he shifts from vulnerable ‘Joe’ to the formidable ‘Roman,’ like a Jekyll turning into Hyde, shedding his worries and fears to become the stoic, unyielding figure everyone dreads.

Joe never really cared for press conferences, however since he was the face of the company he was obligated to fulfil every duty in his contract. He was always used to giving the cookie cutter answers to the usual questions like “what are your expectations tonight?” and “how do you feel about your opponent?” However, he gets caught off guard when someone in the crowd asks "with the demands of your career, how do you balance your professional and personal life, especially with your wife expecting?" The question then places a pang of guilt in his stomach once more as he’s forced to remember their argument from last night. He really wanted to speak to her before he left but he didn’t want to wake her up and his flight was too early for him to stay. He took a thought and tried to compose an appropriate answer before taking a small breath.

“It’s a challenge, no doubt.” He began, slightly sounding defensive whilst making sure to try and make eye contact with the journalist in the crowd to make sure he appeared engaged in the topic. “But I’ve always believed that if you’re committed to something, you find a way to make it work. My family understands what this career means to me, and I make sure to be there for them as much as I can. After tonight, I’m looking forward to some quality time with them.” The words feeling hollow knowing his home life isn’t in a good place.

At home, Ayanna rubs her temples trying to quell the headache that has seemed to intensify from earlier on. She sits on the sofa, her head spinning from the pain when a sharp, twisting pain in her abdomen causes her to shift positions. “It can't be.” she mumbles, it was too early. The twins were not meant to be due yet, she had an entire plan for Joe’s mother to come down and stay in the guest room and help her for the last week of her pregnancy up until the babies hit six months, this can’t be happening. Her phone lay on the coffee table, just out of reach. She stared at it, debating whether to call Joseph or not. But he was probably in the middle of his press conference. She didn’t want to worry him—she could handle this.

She bided her time, until the pain suddenly intensified, radiating from her abdomen up to her chest. Ayanna’s breath hitched, panic creeping in as she realised something was seriously wrong. She forced herself to stand, but her legs buckled beneath her. The room spun, and she fell back onto the couch, gasping for air. She gave in and phoned Joe first, his phone going straight to voicemail as she thought before hanging up, her hands trembling as she dialled 911.“Please” she began with a gasp, struggling to even breathe, “I think something’s wrong I'm pregnant, and I—” Her voice broke off as another wave of pain hit her, harder this time as she screamed, the sound of her pained yells bouncing off the walls.

Joe, pleased with his answer to the first question, felt like he was in the clear and that would be it for the interview but then another question hit him. "There have been rumours that you were considering taking some time off after this match. Can you confirm or deny that?" The question made him feel hot under the collar, he didn’t want to give a definitive answer as Vince had already turned down his request and he didn’t want to put himself in a position that gets him in trouble. He hated it about himself and in a way he also hated Vince for putting him in this situation, however deep down he knew that he was at fault. No matter what, he was a coward and tried to avoid rocking the boat at work but all that has done is cause problems in his marriage.

He once again flashes that million dollar smile that he knew the ladies loved the most before positioning his answer. “Right now, I’m focused on tonight. Whatever comes after, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. I’ve heard the rumours, but my priority is to go out there, put on a hell of a show, and take care of business. The rest will fall into place." He was cool and composed, everything a champion should be, however, the answer in itself was very evasive. It was as though he had mastered the art of saying much while revealing nothing, leaving everyone guessing what truly lay beneath.

Ayanna’s vision blurred as she tried to focus on the operator’s voice. “Stay with me, ma’am, help is on the way,” the voice said, but Ayanna could barely hear it over the pounding in her head. She doubled over in pain, clutching her stomach as the baby kicked wildly inside her. Her thoughts were a jumble of fear and regret. She should have told Joseph—should have insisted he stay home. But it was too late now. The darkness at the edges of her vision crept closer, and she knew she was running out of time

Joe looked at the crowd, wanting to go backstage and get ready for his match, a sigh of relief leaving his body as he’s told this is the last question of the conference. "Any plans to celebrate after the match, or will you be rushing home to be with your family?”

Joe smiled, the question feeling so bittersweet as he’d love to have Ayanna in the crowd like she usually is tonight, but that isn’t the case. "We’ll see how the night goes. My family’s always been my anchor, so I’ll be getting back to them as soon as I can. But first, I’ve got to take care of business in that ring."The reporters nodded, satisfied with his answer. Joseph glanced at the time—just a few more minutes, and he could get back to his routine. But he had no idea that his world was about to shatter.

Ayanna’s strength was fading fast. She clutched her phone, the operator’s voice a distant echo in her ears. “Hold on, ma’am, the paramedics are almost there,” but Ayanna’s world was already slipping away.

The last thing she felt was the sharp pain in her head, then—darkness.

The crowd was electric as Joe stepped into the ring, his face stoic as he played with his wrists to loosen them up. The glamour and feel of Wrestlemania never gets old, but he stayed focused, his mind locked in on the match and his eyes focused on his opponent. He couldn’t afford any distractions - not tonight.

The bell rang, and he moved with precision, every punch, every kick calculated. He could feel the weight of the championship on his shoulders, the expectations of the fans, the promise he had made to himself to be the best. Minutes felt like seconds as the match intensified, the crowd on their feet, chanting his name. With a final, devastating move, Joseph pinned his opponent to the mat. The referee’s hand slapped the canvas—one, two, three.

The crowd booed as Joseph was declared the winner, his arm raised in victory, gutted that their golden boy Cody Rhodes had lost the title. The championship belt was handed to him, and he held it high, basking in the glory of the moment. For a few seconds, everything was perfect. But beneath the cheers and jeers, he felt an uneasy feeling run through him, it was almost as if his body was trying to warn him that this victory came at a price—one that would haunt him long after the spotlight dimmed.

After the match he walked backstage, sweat dripping down his face but a victorious smile plastered on his lips. Fellow wrestlers patted him on the back, congratulating him on another win, another title defence. He had done it again—proven why he was the best. But it didn’t feel the same without Ayanna there to give him a kiss and tell him how proud she was of him. He longed to have her sweet floral scent dancing though his nose, he simply missed her and he was going to make it his mission to call her immediately and apologise and make it up to her. In fact, he was going to ask Vince again for time off or just go to Hunter and get him to explain to Vince.

As he headed toward his locker room, he saw Vince stood them with a solemn expression. His heart dropped, usually if Vince looks at you like that you’ve done a terrible job and you’re about to be pulled off TV. “Joe, we need to talk,” he said, his voice tight with urgency.”

Joseph frowned, still riding the high of his victory. “What’s up, Vince? I’ve got some celebrating to do and I need to call my wife.”

Vince hesitated, his face pale. “Joe, it’s Ayanna… She had a stroke during labour. She had tried to call you as she was going into labour but you were in the press conference.”

The words were like a punch to the gut, knocking the wind out of him. “What?” he whispered, his heart plummeting. “No… no, that can’t be right.” His mind scrambled to reject what he’d just heard, clinging to disbelief as though it could keep the truth at bay.

Vince’s eyes were filled with sorrow as he continued, “I haven’t heard anything else, however I would suggest that you take the jet and go to the hospital now. We will cover you in the post match press conference.” The championship belt slipped from Joseph’s grasp, hitting the floor with a dull thud. The noise of the backstage area faded into nothingness as Joseph stood frozen, disbelief and horror washing over him.

Joseph’s heart pounds as he bursts through the hospital doors, the sounds of WrestleMania’s victory still ringing in his ears. But as he’s confronted by the white walls of the ICU, his triumph feels meaningless, distant. Joseph’s hands trembled as he pushed through the hospital doors, his mind a whirl of fear and denial. He moved as if in a trance, barely registering the people around him as he demanded to be taken to Ayanna.

“Where’s Ayanna? Where are my kids?” he demands, his voice edged with panic.

The receptionist’s eyes flickered with sorrow, looking around in desperation as she did not want to be the one to be here when the news was broken to him. Luckily for her, the doctor steps forward. “Mr. Anoa’i, I’m so sorry. Your wife suffered a massive stroke shortly after going into labour. By the time she got here, there was nothing we could do to reverse the damage. Her brain activity ceased before we could save her.”

Joseph’s breath catches, his world starting to crumble. “What… what do you mean? Where is she? Can I see her?” His voice wavered, a desperate plea for a reality that was slipping through his fingers.

The doctor hesitates, his tone measured but heavy. “We had to make a decision quickly, Mr. Anoa’i. We kept her on life support long enough to deliver the twins via emergency C-section. It was the only way to save their lives.”

For a moment, Joseph just stares, unable to comprehend the words. “You… you kept her alive just to deliver the babies?” His voice is raw with disbelief and rising fury. He couldn’t believe what was being said to him, Ayanna being reduced to a baby making machine made him feel beyond sick. They could’ve had another baby, but he could never have another Ayanna. “She wasn’t just some fucking incubator! She was my wife! She is my wife, why didn’t you save her?!”

The doctor’s eyes hold steady, though full of sympathy. “She made that decision herself. Your wife signed an advanced directive, instructing us to prioritise the babies if anything went wrong. She knew the risks and chose this course.”

The words hit Joseph like a sledgehammer. Ayanna had known this could happen and made a decision without him—a decision that had ripped her from his life. Anger surged and then ebbed away, leaving a hollow ache where it had been. He had spent his life with her, and now, learning to live without her seemed an insurmountable challenge, a cruel twist of fate.

“Where are they?” he finally whispers, his voice barely audible, eyes vacant.

One of the nurses gently guides him to the room where the newborns lie in their incubators. They’re tiny, fragile, and perfect. But as Joseph looks at them, he’s overwhelmed not with the joy he expected but with a deep, unsettling mix of sorrow and resentment. They’re here, alive and breathing, but Ayanna is gone. She sacrificed herself for them, and Joseph can’t help but feel a stab of resentment toward these tiny beings who cost him everything. He stands over the incubators, his hands shaking as he touches the glass. The twins stir slightly, their small cries echoing in the sterile room, but all Joseph feels is an unbearable, suffocating grief—and an anger he can’t reconcile. Whilst he was angry at the world, he was also mad at himself. What sick bastard resents an innocent child? He thought, trying to force the feeling out of his heart, but it was no use. He just couldn't stop himself being filled with disgust when he looked at them, especially as they both look exactly like her. It felt like some cruel punishment from the universe for his wrongdoing.

Finally, he forces himself to pick up one of the babies, holding the child close to his chest. The warmth of his newborn is supposed to bring him comfort, but instead, it feels like a weight pressing down on him, reminding him of what he’s lost. Tears blur his vision as he collapses into a nearby chair, the sound of the twins’ cries filling his ears. But instead of the joy and love he once imagined, all Joseph can feel is a hollow emptiness and a dark, creeping resentment that only deepens his guilt. The nurse gently touched his shoulder, but Joseph barely noticed. He sank into a chair, the twins still wailing in his arms, as tears streamed down his face. The world had stopped making sense. He had won the match, but in doing so, had lost everything that truly mattered, as if triumph had come at the cost of his very soul.

[pendragon-of-chaos]

Hi do you still take requests if so I have one in mind.(basically angst with the happy ending)

So what if aruthur and y/n were like meliodas and Elizabeth except it was only y/n that got cursed and once he got his power of chaos he was able to lift the curse the only consequences is that she forgets her romantic feelings with him, until he finds something special in their memories that would help her remember and then they get married (the special thing would be maybe something like a necklace he gave her when they were kids)

Lol I have alot of ideas for aruthur but sometimes I just can't put it out right😅

I did these as headcanons since I thought I wouldn't be able to flesh out the idea well, but I'm now very proud of it! I think these headcanons can be a very good start if I ever want to make a xReader out of this (or anyone). I tried to do them in the most canon way to the series timeline and without altering the characters we know. Hope you like them!

Arthur and his S/O if they were cursed similar to Meliodas and Elizabeth

Since only Y/N is being cursed with Elizabeth's curse, and assuming Arthur is a human (and so he has the lifespan of one and can't resurrect, at least until having Chaos), I'm guessing Y/N had to be cursed after they met while being kids, but without passing too much time in between both events. If not, the timeline would be a little strange. (Arthur gets Chaos canonically very fast if you think about it, just 16 years in comparison to the 3000+ years Meliodas had to endure with both curses)

Also, Y/N should have been cursed by someone who isn't the Demon King or the Supreme Deity, because it wouldn't make sense for them to be the ones. And the best next contender for that has to be Merlin.

Why is she being cursed? Maybe Merlin didn't want Arthur to be distracted from her goal, and so she took advantage of their relationship and forced Arthur to unlock his full potential, knowing well he would do everything to save his S/O from the curse. Neither Arthur nor Y/O knows that Merlin is responsible. Arthur asks Merlin for help, so of course everything goes according to her plan

Y/N has to be very unlucky to die several times, taking into account Arthur is still young and a human (Elizabeth dies at 28 y.o. on average, and Arthur will be able to solve everything in less than 16 years). So maybe she died like 2 or 3 times, max. 4 - 5 (if she was cursed let's say at 6 y.o, that would mean she dies every 2 years)

And if she dies, she can't reencarnate as a baby or Arthur would outlive her easily (and would be very creepy). So I'm guesing she reencarnates in someone close in age to Arthur.

To sum it up until now: Y/N is cursed by Merlin with Elizabeth's curse in an attempt to unlock Arthur's full potential faster. She dies a few times, every 2 years aprox. Like Elizabeth, Y/N always finds Arthur and falls in love with him, only to remember everything and die in 3 days.

This is assuming his canon information. If you wanted to think of it as them being demon/goddess then I don't think the story would be any different since you are just changing the protagonists but keeping the same formula

Back to the present: Arthur gets Chaos and is able to lift the curse, Merlin is also satisfied with the result (at least for now). However Arthur notices something strange, as if her S/O had some kind of amnesia, since she doesn't reciprocate his feelings (which were reciprocated until lifting the curse a few minutes ago)

Arthur worries a lot and explains her the situation, which is useless since Y/N doesn't remember anything of them being in a relationship. He makes his next objective being able to make Y/N fall in love with him, alongside making a country were no one suffers (he is a King after all)

With the passing of time he noticed that nothing he did made Y/N fall in love with him, which made him spiral into darkness and despair for some time, making him closer the 4kota Arthur we know

That was until one day he found in one well stored box a beautifully crafted necklace, which he inmediately recognized as the one he had gifted Y/N years ago when vowing to save her and marry her one day, and that was also discovered in the corpse of that same Y/N after the curse had made its appearence

It was more and more painful to make the same promise to every reencarnation only to end in death, that's why he stored it and put it away.

But now that problem had disappeared. Arthur took the necklace and went back to were Y/N was, just to gift it to her once and for all. To his surprise Y/N's eyes widened after seeing it in her hands - "I remember now..."

Both looked at each other with surprised looks on their faces. After so many years, war was over.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for making my SIL leave my wedding?

I got married a few weeks ago to my husband, whom id been dating for nearly 8 and a half years beforehand.

I never got along with my fiance's sister, shes always been the spoiled brat type. Like, she gets away with literally everything and gets nearly everything handed down to her. It doesn't help we all went to school together and she was primarily one of my bullies, but her behavior up to now has lead all of this to happen, and on my wedding day no less. His sister is 32.

I'm gonna preface this by saying: Navy Blue was my gown color, the bridesmaids, what SIL was, were supposed to wear white. She had agreed to it as well. The other color was Gold; and the entire wedding was nautically themed. I also asked the bridesmaids, including SIL, to not wear anything extremely revealing (as SIL tends to wear very revealing clothes that literally sometimes have private areas of herself show out, she's not a curvy girl, so it's not the clothes hugging her too tightly, which even if that were the case that would somehow be infinitely better than her wearing what she does and the way she does currently).

The day before the wedding, SIL informs me that she bought a very pretty dress for the wedding. I tell her that that's great and if she wouldn't mind sending me a picture, which she does. The dress was white in the photos, and she was in the dressing room it appeared like when the photos were taken. I told her the dress looked beautiful, because I really did think it did look pretty, and she typed me a message about how excited she was for the wedding the next day.

The next day comes around and the wedding is about to get started. SIL was about an hour to 2 hours late on arrival, so we initially started the service without her. We waited as long as we could.

Around the time when the pastor asks "does anyone object the groom or bride" or whatever, she comes bursting in (oddly at the most convenient time) in a RED and BLACK dress, that literally hugged her so tight her boobs looked like they were gonna pop from her chest at any second. At any shift of the chest, a nip slip would have been certain. The whole damn service looks to see my SIL, standing in the damn door, crying about how 'we started without her' and how 'it took her forever to find the perfect dress.'

Regardless, we continue the wedding because I don't want my special day ruined, and I decided to put the fact she didn't even have the right color on and the fact she arrived nearly two hours late to the whole thing behind me.

That was until she touched my fucking cake.

We hadn't even done the cake cutting yet, and I see my SIL helping herself to TWO slices of the cake my husband and I have not been able to cut yet, as we were waiting to cut it later in the evening back at our hotel for our own private time to celebrate our marriage, but no. She was helping herself.

I decided to march up to her, I pulled my husband along the side with me as well. He was equally upset that she was eating the cake that was supposed to be for us; we had a timed eat event that was themed after the hobbit meals and dinner was the last meal. (None of the meals were so big and fattening that it would be unhealthy I promise lol). I look at her and ask her what shes doing, to which she just looks at me and says

"I didn't wanna wait anymore. I got bored."

At that point, I did pull her hair and push her around a bit before my husband's friend pulled me away and my husband ushered her out the door. My husband doesn't think AITA, but his family says I should have handled it differently even if she did several things she was told NOT to do, she did it anyway, and immediately attempted to shift it to being bored.

AITA here? Was I unjustifiably upset?

Note: Everything down to a T was mentioned and explained several times before the wedding. The colors, what would be happening with the meal after the service, what would be on the menu per say, and so much more. She literally and intentionally does this ALL the time, whether it's a formal or casual event.

What are these acronyms?

[grapenehifics]

Not to tell you about *every* time I hear Solsbury Hill on the radio but…

Can you tell us why you picked it as the title for your fic? I feel there’s more to your reasoning than “grab your things I’ve come to take you home” and I’d love to hear your thoughts [it’s also maybe pretty obvious(?) but I’m really, really shit at 1) song lyrics 2) song meanings and 3) applying them to other contexts 🙈]

My friend, there is almost nothing I would rather talk about than the intersection between Peter Gabriel*, Genesis, Solsbury Hill the place, Solsbury Hill the song, and Solsbury Hill the fic.

(*Peter Gabriel, and all the members of Genesis, are real people, and would probably tell this story very differently. But they're not here to correct me [oh god, at least, I hope not], and this is how I heard the story, and I am going to tell it the way I know it. Apologies to all those living or dead.)

Sometime in the late 1960s a group of British schoolboys formed the prog rock band Genesis, and by the early 1970s they were...maybe not world-famous, but huge by prog rock standards, anyway, with a couple of albums and a tour. The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway came out and it was a big enough deal that they got offered an American tour, too.

They were all still pretty young (they'd started basically in high school) and Peter Gabriel, their lead singer and main songwriter, had recently got married and he and his wife had a baby (this will become relevant in a second). So they go on the American tour and maybe about halfway through Peter turns to his bandmates and is like, "so...I'll finish the tour with you, because I promised I would, but when we get back home I'm quitting the band."

The other guys were stunned, obviously, because this was the moment they'd worked for. They'd already gotten through all the shitty garage band years, which is where most people give up, and now they were at the good part! They were on an international tour! The money was good! Their albums were selling! They had more fans than they'd ever thought they'd have! What on earth would possess someone to want to give all that up?

(The part of this story that is less-charitable to Peter Gabriel is that one of the answers he gave was 'more creative freedom' and his band was like...but you already write all our songs? What possible *more* creative freedom do you think you need?)

It wasn't just the band, though. His managers and the record company and everyone all told him that was a terrible, terrible idea, and there were a sizable contingent of Genesis fans who just refused to follow him to his solo career because they were mad at him for walking out on Genesis, wrecking the band, how dare he be so ungrateful...

(Genesis did fine without him, actually. Phil Collins took over on vocals and they had another couple of albums and some hit songs before going kind of weirdly soft-rock in the 80s.)

Also - and this is an important detail - when he left the band, there was no solo career. He didn't have any songs. I don't think he even had an agent. He was kind of on the outs with the industry for pulling that stunt. He spent the first year after he quit - while Genesis was recording a new album without him - just hanging out at home with his wife and baby daughter.

Eventually he did get back in the studio, and one of the songs on his first solo album was Solsbury Hill, largely regarded to be the most autobiographical of his songs (Solsbury Hill is an actual, physical hill in Somerset, near where he grew up). It's pretty blatantly about quitting Genesis, including being unhappy in the band:

So I went from day to day Though my life was in a rut

I was feeling part of the scenery

And liberty, she pirouette When I think that I am free

and trying to get up the courage to leave even knowing it would almost universally be regarded as a really dumb move and would very possibly end his entire music career even though he was still in his twenties:

My friends would think I was a nut Open doors would soon be shut

But eventually doing it anyway:

To keep in silence I resigned

I walked right out of the machinery

I will show another me

Then he writes about how, even though it was scary and he didn't know what the consequences were going to be, he was glad he did it:

Though my life was in a rut 'Til I thought of what I'd say Which connection I should cut

Today I don't need a replacement I'll tell them what the smile on my face meant

And he personifies all this as a person, or more accurately hearing a voice (while climbing Solsbury Hill, hence the title), and the progression of what the voice tells him mirrors the rest of the lyrics. First it's:

"Son, " he said "Grab your things, I've come to take you home."

and

"Hey, " he said "Grab your things, I've come to take you home."

But the final lines are the singer answering back:

"Hey, " I said "You can keep my things, they've come to take me home."

And not to belabor the metaphor, but that's what I see as the equivalent of the first quarter or so of Solsbury Hill the fic, at least the beginning to the Bakersfield hospital chapters. Peter Gabriel and Anakin both got the exact thing they thought they wanted - a record deal, a tour, money, fame, wealth - and then turned out once they had it, they actually didn't really want it all that much anymore, and the reality of it wasn't worth keeping it.

But also mixed in there is some shame, right, because to everyone else it looks like you have it all. Every kid around the world with a guitar and a garage bands wants what you have. Every kid on their school swim team watching the Olympics on TV wants that. And now you've got it, and you're just...going to hand it back? Say it's not good enough? This thing that feeds your family and lets you see the world? How dare you spit on that!

But all they really want - in both stories - is more time with the people they love. And yes, in both cases, there are ways to fix that - Peter Gabriel could have taken his wife and baby with him on tour, Anakin could have not fired Obi-Wan and taken up with Palpatine - but in the middle of that situation and looking down the barrel of year after year of touring and competition and the toll it takes on your body and your mental health - suddenly the smart play starts looking like turning you back on it, tearing the whole thing down, and starting over. Even if it means living without the money and the fame and the recognition and universal goodwill. Who cares. Keep it all. Keep my things; I don't need them; I just need you.

I'm going home.

[sisterspooky1013]

Gaslight, Chapter 19/48

Rated X | Read it here on AO3

Morristown, NJ

The revelation that she was never meant to be a mother is one that it took her decades to come to. Once she did, a lot of things about her life that have always puzzled her suddenly made sense.

That’s not to say that she didn’t love her children. In fact, that’s what made the revelation so hard to come by. She’s always loved them, from the moment they took their first breaths. It wasn’t the children themselves that were the issue; it was the mothering.

Fox was the sweetest baby. His cherubic little face made her heart ache when the nurses placed him in her arms at the hospital. She was told again and again by friends and neighbors that Fox was such a good baby, so curious and easy to care for. He hardly ever fussed compared to most of their children. This left her wondering why she felt such vehement resentment towards him for needing her so much when he wailed for milk at 2:00 am.

Women are meant to be mothers. That’s what she’d always been told. She expected it to come to her naturally, as easily as walking and talking. But that wasn’t the case, and she felt defective and ashamed. She hoped that things would be different the second time. Then Samantha came along and made her aware just how easy of a baby Fox really was.

It was constant. Someone was always needing her, crying for her, tugging on the hem of her dress. Bill was never home, and when he was, he may as well have been an apparition for how much help offered. When Fox started school it got a little better, and when Samantha joined him she at least had school hours to herself. She’d start to think that maybe she missed them, and then they’d walk in the door squabbling and something thick and sour would rise in her throat. Hatred. Not towards the children themselves—she was intelligent enough to understand that they were simply behaving as typical children do. But the mothering. The mothering made her want to swallow a whole bottle of valium with her nightly glass of wine.

And then there was Carl, always lurking around somewhere in the background. Sometimes he ignored her, and other times he showered her with gifts and attention, cornered her in the pantry and promised her the world. They could run away together, make a new life in Guam or Puerto Rico. She strongly considered it, especially when Fox was out of diapers and it seemed likely that Bill would be able to find some kind young woman to marry him and be a proper mother to Fox. But then she realized she was pregnant with Samantha, and Carl told her that he wanted to be around to see the children grow up. He wasn’t even their father and he was still more interested in being a part of their life than she was.

Shortly before Samantha disappeared, he asked her a bizarre hypothetical question regarding which of the children she would give up, if she had to choose. She balked, but he pressed her, and finally she said Samantha. Not because she loved Samantha less than Fox, but because mathematically, there were fewer years until Fox left home and she could be free again. By the time she realized that the question wasn’t hypothetical at all, it was too late. The heavy guilt she wore draped over her shoulders like a shawl didn’t allow her to enjoy having only one—highly self sufficient—child to look after. It didn’t allow her to feel relieved when Fox moved across the Atlantic ocean to attend college. It didn’t allow her to feel anything, really, ever again.

Many years later, when Samantha was long since gone and Fox was away at Oxford, she met a young woman at the Country Club who was vibrant and self-assured. They got to talking, and it came to light that the woman was well into her forties, though she looked and acted more like she was twenty-five.

“How old are your children?” she’d asked the woman, wondering how someone could find such joy in life amidst all the mothering.

“Oh, I don’t have children,” the woman corrected her, seemingly unoffended.

“I’m sorry. Were you not able to?” she asked, feeling a pang of jealousy.

“I could have, as far as I know,” the woman said plainly. “I just never wanted any. Kids are great, but I’ve just never had any desire to have my own. My husband feels the same way, so we’re well matched in that regard.”

She almost felt silly that she’d never come to the same conclusion herself. She knew that she wasn’t a great mother, but until that moment she’d always chalked it up to a personal defect. At that moment, she understood that she wasn’t meant to be a mother at all; she never should have had children in the first place. But it just wasn’t an option you considered in her time. Young women grew up and became wives and mothers. Regardless of whether they wanted to. Regardless of whether they were any good at it.

But by then it was too late. Fox and Samantha were gone, literally and figuratively. She hoped that as two adults, she and Fox might find their own way to relate to one another, to cultivate a relationship that was not predicated on her having birthed and raised him. But she found that his wounds were too deep and too raw, and her guilt over having inflicted them still too heavy. She was proud of him, so very proud of who he became in light of how little she and Bill did for him aside from providing food and shelter. But even that motherly pride was not something she felt entitled to. Fox became the man he is despite her, not because of her.

The Paget’s Carcinoma diagnosis felt like poetic justice, in a way. Her breasts, which were designed to feed and nurture babies, would ultimately be the end of her. The grisly, painful end. She knew that she could call up Carl, enlist the help of his mysterious doctors and unorthodox treatments, but why? Why keep on living this way? Fox would never forgive her for how she failed him, nor would she forgive herself. She made her decision, and she felt at peace with it. Her hand was on the phone, ready to call Fox and say her final goodbye, when it started ringing and she found Carl on the other end.

He presented it as a second chance. A way to right all their wrongs. He couldn’t bring Samantha back, but he could give her a dignified death, and make her loss less traumatizing for Fox than what really happened. He could re-write history, make her the kind of mother who baked cookies for Fox’s friends on Friday afternoons and cheered for him on the sidelines of his basketball games. And she and Carl could finally be together, Bill nothing but a footnote in the deleted scenes. It would be like everything had gone the way it was supposed to, and Fox would truly be happy. That was the selling point that finally won her over: a chance to give Fox the mother he deserved, and the life that came along with it.

It was like a game for Carl to construct the optimal childhood. Did they take Fox and Samantha to Disneyland before she died, or did they just take Fox by himself afterward? Why not both?! Carl coached his Little League team, Teena was the chair of the PTA. Samantha died peacefully in her bed with her family by her side. They carried on, made new memories, flew to Oxford for Fox’s graduation. Fox met Diana at the Academy and they were married on the Vineyard. It all felt so incredibly perfect.

But seeing Fox’s face when Diana brought him by for dinner, calling him by the name of Carl’s other, forgotten son, made her nauseous. The placid, comfortable looks on Carl and Diana’s faces baffled her. How were they so unbothered? She’s not sure this was the right thing to do. She’s not sure that Fox is really any better off now than he was before. She’s not sure she is.

Her reverie is interrupted by the ringing of the telephone.

“Spender residence, Teena speaking,” she says roughly, her throat thick with emotion.

“Hey Mom, it’s me.”

Her shoulders slump with the weight of the guilt.

“Hello, Jeffrey, how are you?”

“I’m okay. I wanted to ask you about something, and it’s going to sound really strange, but I need you to hear me out,” he says, his tone severe.

Her heart pushes up into her throat. He knows something.

“Okay, I’ll do my best,” she tells him, half hoping he’ll give her an opening to just come out with it.

“Was I…when I was born, was there another baby? Was I a twin?” he asks, and her fear is replaced with confusion.

“What? No, of course not.”

“Mom,” he says, his tone pleading. “Is there any way there was another baby? Were you given any medication that might impact your memory, like that…what was it that they used to give women in labor so they wouldn’t remember the pain?”

“Twilight sleep,” she answers flatly.

“Yes, twilight sleep. Were you given anything like that?” Fox—Jeff—her son, replies.

“No, Jeff,” she says tightly. “I was alert and I remember my entire labor with you, and your birth. There was only one. Why are you asking me this?”

Clearly something has tipped him off, and she’d feel safer if she knew what. There is a pause long enough that she almost asks if he’s still on the line.

“Can I share this with you in confidence? You won’t tell Dad…or Diana?” he asks.

It’s painful, all that she’s done to him and is still doing now. But this moment in which her son is trusting her with sensitive information, where his inclination in a time of difficulty was to reach out to her—his mother—is such a balm on her heart that she feels tears flood her eyes.

“Of course, Jeff,” she assures him. “You have my word.”

“Twice in the past week, someone has mistaken me for another man. A man who goes by ‘Mulder.’ Does that mean anything to you?”

I, Elizabeth Ann Kuipers, take you, William Richard Mulder, to be my lawfully wedded husband.

We proudly introduce our son, Fox William Mulder, born October 13th 1961 at Martha’s Vineyard Hospital.

“No, Jeff, I can’t say that it does,” she lies. Why do lies always come more easily than the truth?

Fox sighs, and she pictures him running his hand over his head and across the back of his neck like he’s done since he was a child. Since Samantha was taken. Since his life turned down a darkened path.

“Okay,” he huffs, disappointed. “Sorry to bother you, Mom. How are things going? How’s Dad?”

“Dad is fine,” she says, thinking of Bill, cold in the ground. As much as he saw and was party to in his time on Earth, she’s glad he did not live to see this. “We were just going to watch some television.”

“I won’t keep you,” he says. “Thanks for talking with me, Mom. I love you.”

Her chest becomes so unbelievably tight that she cannot form words, just an insufficient, “Mmhmm.”

The line goes dead, and she replaces the phone back on the receiver.

“Who was that, dear?”

She looks up to see Carl in the doorway, that unsettling smile on his mouth. She liked him better when he didn’t try to replicate normal human emotions. When he just told her sweet lies, fucked her over the sink in her powder room in Chilmark, and let her believe that life could be anything but miserable.

“No one. Telemarketer,” she answers. Lying doesn’t always feel bad. Sometimes, it feels very, very good.

She was never meant to be a mother, but maybe she can be a friend to her son. Maybe she can slip him a key to the exit, even if she’s the one who locked the door in the first place.

Tagging @today-in-fic

[cars-and-planes-dork]

So I randomly felt like quickly sharing my thoughts on all three Cars movies and both Planes movies. Quick disclaimer, no matter how I feel about certain things it's totally cool if you feel different and I respect that.

Cars:

I love Cars. This was my childhood movie that I watched over and over and over again since I was a young child. I love the characters, the plot, and I think the animation holds up really well. I also am glad to see it with adult eyes cause there's a lot of nuance and stuff that I of course didn't get as a child. Recently on a whim I needed to unwind from stress and I put on Cars (just like my parents used to do for me as a kid, lol), and it genuinely did make me feel better and woke up a part of me that had laid dormant for years. Cars is a film that almost makes me wanna take a long drive on Route 66...until I remember I'm not any good at road tripping, lol.

Cars 2:

I have a distinct memory in my mind of being a child in the theater watching Cars 2, turning to my dad and saying 'can we go now?'. I didn't watch it all the way through until recently and I can thoroughly say that I don't despise it, but I'm also not its biggest fan. It's actually something of a guilty pleasure for me now. Sometimes I'll just put it on in the background while I do things. It also makes me contemplate the inner workings of this world more than the writers themselves probably thought about, like how the heck do different makes and models come about, what is the impact of climate change on a world of vehicles, but that's probably its own post. But yeah, I accept it for what it is and even enjoy some parts of it.

Cars 3:

So confession, it took me over 6 years to work up the courage to watch this one. I don't know why I was so worried, but I finally did it. And I loved it. I really think they ended on a good note. I'll admit the first part was probably the weakest in my eyes, but I really enjoyed the tribute to Doc Hudson and I actually teared up and I was happy to learn more about his past. I liked the torch passing narrative as well. I think my biggest complaint is that I wish we could've seen more of Lightning and his friends. (I may be biased because somehow Cal Weathers worked his way into my heart).

Planes:

Planes took longer to stick in my brain than Cars did. I remember going to see it actually, the local air and space museum did a showing of it and I went to watch it with my family. My parents didn't like it much but I remember being happy with it. Upon rewatching, there's things I like, but there's a part of me wishing it was something more. I can't fully explain it. Also I find Dusty's attitude off-putting to me personally (particularly his feeling of being entitled to being trained by Skipper and essentially demanding that Skipper tell him about his clearly traumatic past strikes me as kinda callous). But I still enjoy putting it on in the background and enjoy thinking about the world itself, much like Cars 2. Also fun fact, Skipper is one of my favorite kinds of planes.

Planes Fire & Rescue:

I'm sorry but I have much less patience for this film, but like I said above, I respect those who do. I will say, I appreciate them highlighting some of the realities of firefighting (like how the general public doesn't hear about a lot of fires that are dealt with). But other than that, I don't have much positive to say about it. The characters for the most part feel underdeveloped and I can't say I'm particularly endeared to a majority of them (Blade is the exception for me, tbh). And Dipper in particular needs to chill the hell out, her behavior is pretty inappropriate and creepy while being played off as jokes. Beyond that, my aforementioned issues with Dusty remain in this movie. Honestly, he doesn't strike me as capable of doing this job and he actively creates a situation that nearly gets Blade killed. I could spend awhile talking about it, but I'd honestly rather not. To end on a positive note, I think the married RV couple are adorable and I like them.

So that's all my thoughts. I enjoy both franchises and tend to overthink the hell out of them (if I overthink something it's usually cause I enjoy it). Hopefully I didn't piss too many people in the fandom off, lol.

[stinkyhyena9000]

Finally writing a post about this!!! Here's my ideas for a FutureAU for Sing

Note: by future, I just mean like a generation future, not like time travel future. (~20 years in the future)

So starting off, tw// for major character death, suicide

Almost all your faves are still alive thankfully. Also it does get incredibly angsty near the end, so have fun with that.

ALSO also, yes this does have shipping in it.

So first of all, this takes place like 20 years after the events of Sing 2 and the whole Redshore City incident. Buster Moon and Eddie Noodleman have finally retired. (Thank god no one has to put up with Buster's shenanigans anymore.) Also yes, they are finally a happy married couple, because of course they are.

Johnny is now the person who runs the theatre, with Buster kind of serving as his mentor, and his source of guidance whenever he needs help. The New Moon Theatre is now under Buster's name as opposed to Nana Noodleman's name. Why? You could probably guess. (She's dead). Oh yeah, you know who's also dead? Miss Crawly. They both had like super sad deaths, and died peacefully of age.

Oh yeah, there is also more death than this, but I'm saving that for the end.

I also honestly like to think Ryan took a dip in photography, so he also does that for the theatre. Go Ryan!

Anyways, Johnny runs the New Moon Theatre with the help of Nooshy and Ryan as well. Nooshy works as the choreographer, meanwhile Ryan is committed to being a malewife kinda acts as a new Miss Crawly + extra choreographer teacher if Nooshy is out. Johnny and Ryan definitely are together though by the way, and Nooshy teases them all the time for it still.

Oh yeah also in case it needed to be stated: yes, Johnny is stressed out all of the time (like usual), except also now he's constantly worried about his father and gang now. Despite their age and Johnny repeatedly offering to finance their retirement, they refuse to retire and continue running their mechanic business.

Buster and Eddie live in a new house, but Buster will occasionally convince Eddie to let him sleep nights at the theatre under the guise of "helping Johnny out for the day". Eddie does realize what Buster's try to pull, but let's him go with it because he knows it helps with his anxiety, since Buster can struggle to sleep sometimes without the familiar sounds of the theatre.

So where's Meena? Meena is currently on tour, much to the delight of her and her parents. She's a world renowned soul singer, and travels around with the husband Alfonso. Alfonso doesn't serve icecream anymore, but still cooks for them and acts as a handyman and stuff for Meena when they're on tour. They of course still make time to come back to the theatre every so often again, though.

Ash and Clay? Well, after the multiple reruns of Out of This Worlds, the two of them have been on tour for a years, before Ash decided to come back and crash at the theatre recently… without Clay. She always kinda reluctant to say what happened to Clay, with her story changing every time. First, it's that he got signed into a new record deal without her. Next thing you know, it's because he decided he wanted to go back to Redshore and focus on bettering himself mentally.

(By the way, Clay started therapy after the events of Redshore. Buster did too, thankfully).

In fact, this phantom has started haunting Clay only a few years after Ruby died. It just shows up randomly, serving as a grim reminder of who he's lost.

Okay so quick warning. Remember when I said it was gonna get angsty. Oh yeah, it's about time to get real angsty.

So basically, Clay killed himself a few years into touring with Ash. Let's just say therapy was not enough for the hell he was forced to go through mentally. Remember that ghost of Ruby during the performance of Out of This World? That's not new.

(That's why I'm calling this an AU, because this is less of a hc and more of a story idea)

Bonus: me writing down notes in my anatomy class ↓↓

┏╔══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══╗

What structures are found within the muscle fiber

a. terminal cisternare ✓

b. sarcoplasmic reticulum ✓

c. myofibrils ✓

d. epimysium ✓

e. aponeurosis

f. triad ✓

g. t-tubule ✓

╚══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══╝

[lemonhemlock]

Ugh, you’re so brave for saying that you don’t agree with the Madonna/Whore complex. I agree, it feels dismissive to me.

The way I rationalize Criston’s berserker moments are: 1) lazy writing ofc 2) almost like a trauma response? When he lashes out he seems to do so in response to an affront on his character. Joffrey’s whole deal comes off as blackmail when you look at it from his perspective, and Beesbury, I’m gonna need to expand on his relationship with Alicent for a bit: 

Criston has spent nearly 20 years watching as she tries to adhere to her values and duty while Viserys (who she ends up taking care of) and co. abuse and humiliate her. 

Like Alicent (and Aemond and Otto), I’m sure he’s tired of watching the Targs they have to serve get away with things that would get them killed. And still they’re held to a higher standard than the Targaryens who rule and use them. So when Beesbury accuses her of regicide, he sees it as his duty to protect her and the sacrifices she’s had to make. 

 I feel like they validate each other and the people they want to be. It must be exhausting being surrounded by people who do what they want for pleasure over duty. Their bond makes them feel less lonely and maybe even less stupid/naive: “I have to believe, that in the end, honor and decency will prevail. We need to hew to that and to each other.” (That’s why their scene in the Godswood took place during a wedding, they’re practically married imo 🙊 it’s a play on the nuclear family.)

Sorry for the essay lol, my reblog function is nonexistent on my phone idk why and I clearly had a lot to say. You’re the best for entertaining this tangent 💚.

Ugh, you’re so brave for saying that you don’t agree with the Madonna/Whore complex. I agree, it feels dismissive to me.

Thank you! Like, I have no illusions that the showrunners might feel the madonna-whore/incel thing is appealing to the audience, so they're milking it, but even so, it doesn't vibe with what ended up on the damn screen. I never understood the incel allegations for Ser Criston either. Incel describes a person who can't access sex/romance, no matter how hard they try. Whereas Criston could absolutely get it??? Even Rhaenyra is willing to keep fucking him? 😑

These modern labels get so stupid sometimes, for real. Imagine calling a medieval queen a tradwife. JFC. As opposed to what? A fourth-wave intersectional feminist? An independent self-supporting woman working her way up the corporate ladder by the skin of her teeth? 🙄

The way I rationalize Criston’s berserker moments are: 1) lazy writing ofc

Well, kind of, yeah. In the text, Criston kills Joffrey during a tourney, so there's more ambiguity on whether it was accidental or not. And makes much more sense (it happens during a socially-acceptable framework for ending someone's life), because now, for the show, they have to invent a far-fetched reason as to why this person is allowed to indiscriminately kill people at a wedding without facing any consequences. Not exactly something you could do 100% organically and seamlessly - you have to pull some ridiculous explanation out of your arse.

2) almost like a trauma response? When he lashes out he seems to do so in response to an affront on his character. Joffrey’s whole deal comes off as blackmail when you look at it from his perspective

In the show, this is the most likely explanation for his actions, yeah. He's been on a rollercoaster of emotions, from renouncing his vows, convincing himself he is in love or that Rhaenyra loves him, contemplating a radical life change (i.e. fleeing to Essos), rapid disillusionment, fearing for his life to being forgiven by the Queen and thinking he has a second chance to being threatened/blackmailed while in a vulnerable state. In a social situation where he has to watch the woman he cared for willingly marry another, after carelessly disregarding him.

and Beesbury, I’m gonna need to expand on his relationship with Alicent for a bit:  Criston has spent nearly 20 years watching as she tries to adhere to her values and duty while Viserys (who she ends up taking care of) and co. abuse and humiliate her.  Like Alicent (and Aemond and Otto), I’m sure he’s tired of watching the Targs they have to serve get away with things that would get them killed. And still they’re held to a higher standard than the Targaryens who rule and use them. So when Beesbury accuses her of regicide, he sees it as his duty to protect her and the sacrifices she’s had to make. 

Beesbury's death is presently differently in the text, too. Grand Maester Orwyle, who was present, claims he was arrested and died of a chill in the black cells. Although this can still be interpreted as lack of care, it's more reasonable than outright murder. Septon Eustace, who was NOT present, claims Ser Criston slit Beesbury's throat, so you know. 🤷‍♀️ At least for this action, they had something to go on. I think that in the show he is trying to make him sit back down and ~accidentally~ uses too much force on him.

What I find interesting is that Orwyle is supposed to give an account that is more biased towards Rhaenyra and he claims that Beesbury was arrested, whereas Eustace is supposed to be more biased in favour of Aegon and he claims Beesbury was killed on the spot.

Though I do have to mention the ridiculousness of HOSUE BEESBURY OF HONEYHOLT, A REACH HOUSE, SIDING WITH RHAENYRA. 😐

 I feel like they validate each other and the people they want to be. It must be exhausting being surrounded by people who do what they want for pleasure over duty. Their bond makes them feel less lonely and maybe even less stupid/naive: “I have to believe, that in the end, honor and decency will prevail. We need to hew to that and to each other.” (That’s why their scene in the Godswood took place during a wedding, they’re practically married imo 🙊 it’s a play on the nuclear family.)

Yes! It is telling that Alicent's interruption of Criston's planned suicide takes place under a weirwood tree (considered sacred) and the frames are interposed with imagery from Rhaenyra's wedding! She's also filmed a little in the distance and has to walk towards him off-screen - kind of like walking towards the altar (i.e. weirwood) to her groom, whose new life begins with her by his side. They're cute. 💚

Sorry for the essay lol, my reblog function is nonexistent on my phone idk why and I clearly had a lot to say. You’re the best for entertaining this tangent 💚.

No worries! You're very welcome, lol. I'm glad to see a fellow fanon revisionist. 😅

[icouldbeyourprettygirl]

April TC Challenge by @morethanwords0475

Day 1: Happy April Fool's! Have you ever pranked your tc; if so, how did they react?

No :(

Day 2: What is the earliest thing you can remember about your tc?

His voice. I hadn't seen him in person yet, and on the first day I was standing outside his class waiting for the one he was teaching to end. His voice is so deep and honestly kind of intimidating if you don't have the visual to match, like I didn't. I was nervous to walk in there for sure.

Day 3: Do you like your tc's subject? Do you consider yourself to be good at it?

Yeah, I like business classes. I only have to take one or two for my major, and only took two in high school so it's not something I feel super comfortable in quite yet. But having him as my professor definitely helps lol

Day 4: How do you feel about your age gap?

Hm... it depends on the day, I think. 23 years is a lot, at the end of the day. He was a junior in college when I was born, which is absolutely crazy to think about. Obviously I've got a thing for older men, but I feel like a kid around him sometimes, which is not the best feeling. I think if I were a little bit older, it might be less uncomfy. However, he did say something about anxiety and kids having it or something, and he said, "younger than both of us" ?? that's kind of a wide range there, buddy.

Day 5: Have you ever said anything to you tc that showed you favored them? Have they said anything like that to you?

Oh, yeah. I think the first time was a few months ago. We had just finished talking after like an hour and he was apologizing for having me listen to him ramble on and I (accidentally) loudly went, "No!! I really like talking to you." It kinda took me by surprise to be honest, lol. S looked shocked as well. He sheepishly went, "Thanks. I really like talking to you, too."

I've told him that I appreciate all the stuff he tells me (outside of his subject) because it's obviously really helpful, I've told him how sweet and smart he is, so hopefully he knows hahaha.

As for him, he's actually given me a heartfelt speech or two about how much he trusts me and is glad to have me as his student. He also compliments me a lot 🤭

Day 6: Have you ever noticed any small habits they have? If so, what comes to mind first?

After a long stretch of work or a tiring day, he'll sigh and go, "Ohhhh man..." in the same tone and speed every single time. There's more, but they're kinda specific, and if he saw this, he'd know for sure it was about him :/

Day 7: What gift would you like to be able to give them, regardless of if it's realistic or not?

The first thing that came to mind was kinda inappropriate so I'll say something else lmao

Realistically, something related to one of his interests.

Unrealistically, a sailboat.

Day 8: Does your tc ever talk about what it was like when they were still a student?

All the time! We talk about school a lot, obviously, and he offers advice, and tells me funny stories about stuff he did when he was in college.

Day 9: Does your tc have a significant other? If so, what do you know about them, and how do you feel about them?

Yes, he's been married for over a decade. I kind of know a lot about her? Since I knew them outside of school first, I know them personally. I like his wife a lot. She's so kind, smart, and a great mother to their children. Because she's such a warm and loving person, I feel so incredibly guilty for being jealous of her. I'd feel guilty even if she wasn't warm and loving, but that just makes it worse. However, while I don't know what their lives are like behind closed doors, it seems like they're a really good match, and I'm glad they have each other.

Day 10: What is the longest time you've gone without seeing them?

Three months. But that was before I knew I had feelings for him. I knew I thought about him all the time, but I didn't have the same reaction I would if that happened now.

Day 11: What do other people usually think of them?

I'm not really sure. The people I know that know him respect and think very highly of him. But he's told me that a lot of people don't like him because of who he is, and that broke my heart. How could someone not like him? Forget the fact that I didn't like him when we first met- He can be intimidating and come off like he might not like you, but it turns out that he's just shy

Day 12: Do you often make up excuses to speak to them? What kinds of excuses do you like to use?

I usually go with, "Oh! I've been meaning to tell/ask you____" or ask him a question about himself or his day. But a lot of the time, I don't have to, unless it's something specific because he just starts talking when he sees me lol

Day 13: Other than the subject they teach, what are they really passionate about?

He's passionate about politics, computer science, reading, writing, the outdoors, and learning.

Day 14: What is a skill you really wish your tc had?

Playing the guitar. I think guitar players are SO hot and he'd be even hotter if he brought out a guitar and just started playing 🤤

Day 15: Which MBTI personality do you think they are? (If you don't do MBTI, which Hogwarts House do you think they'd be in?)

Idk much about either of these things, and when I googled it, I got overwhelmed with all the MBTI options lol. I do know that I'm an INFP tho. I think I know enough about Harry Potter to sort him into a house? Ravenclaw.

Day 16: if you could go back in time and choose, would you still choose to develop feelings for your tc?

Yeah. He makes my life more exciting, and I really like being with him, so I think it probably would've happened anyways.

Day 17: If it was the last time you would ever be able to see your tc, what is one thing you would never leave without saying to them?

I kind of had a practice run of this question, but it was before I had feelings for him. He was so sweet, and said the nicest things I've ever been told. I, however, fumbled the interaction and was super awkward and almost cried.

If something were to happen now and I wasn't ever going to see him again, I'd thank him for absolutely everything. For the guidance, the support, the kindness, and respect he's shown me throughout the time we've known each other. I'd really want him to know how special he is and how valued he made me feel. Of course, I'd have to give him some compliments for the road, because he tends to doubt himself and I need him to know how incredibly brilliant, talented, kind hearted, funny, and overall amazing he is.

I'd also want to tell him that he's shown me there are genuinely good men out there. The men in my life up until I met him were and are very cold, emotionless, and slightly misogynistic. I knew that there were other kinds of men out there, but he was my first real encounter with one. I'd want him to know that he showed me what I want in a man; one who is compassionate, empathetic, affectionate, progressive, loving, thoughtful, caring, a wonderful father and husband, and as aforementioned, just an incredible human being in all. He's a great person, and I'd need him to know that he's had a very positive influence on me and what a pleasure it's been to know him.

Day 18: When was the first time you cried because of them?

A couple of weeks ago. I'm not someone who cries easily or all that often, so even though there have been a lot of instances where I've felt like crying, it just didn't happen until recently.

However, there were a few instances where he was just so sweet that I was holding back tears, if that counts

Day 19: How well do you think you know them?

I know certain sides of him. I know his interests, his overall lore, and kind of how he thinks and processes things. But I don't know what he's like when I'm not around, or stuff that's more personal? I know personal stuff about him, but only certain aspects, if that makes sense.

Day 20: Do you ever lie to them? About what?

Not very often. When I do, it's usually me telling him that something is going well when it most definitely is not.

Day 21: What is the longest time you've spent with them?

Like all at once or over the course of a day?

All at once, I'd say an hour and a half - two hours.

Throughout the day, not including class, I'd say maybe 3-4 hours?

Day 22: If you have had other tcs in the past (or right now), how are they similar to or different from your current (or primary) tc?

I've only had one other tc, my history professor from last year. I'll call him R. I didn't speak to R, but I really, really liked him. Physically, they're similar? They both have dark ish hair and brown eyes, but R has facial hair. S is taller and just bigger overall. Both of them have deep voices that make me want to listen to them talk for hours.

They're both goofy and the biggest fucking nerds you could ever meet (affectionate), but funny and give off a warm, safe vibe. (Can you tell I have a type?) I've obviously gotten pretty close to S, so that differs, but from a surface level comparison, they're actually kind of similar.

Day 23: Have you ever seen your tc in clothes they don't usually wear? Casual clothes if they wear formal attire or the other way around?

Yes!! I went over to their house during Christmas break, and it was pretty early in the morning. When I walked in, the entire family was still in their pajamas, and he looked SO CUTE. Very comfy and sooo cuddly. I just wanted to climb onto his lap 😭

Day 24: When was the last time they made your heart thump?

Like every time I see him lol. The way he looks at me alone is enough to send me into orbit

Day 25: How do you think your tc would react if you confided in them that you felt sad or stressed or anxious?

Luckily enough for me, I don't have to wonder. We've talked about school stress a lot, and he knows I have pretty intense anxiety. He's given me advice, given me coping mechanisms that have worked for him in the past, and talked me off the ledge a few times when I was super anxious about something specific, like a project. He's been incredibly understanding and helpful, and I'm so thankful to have him ♡

Day 26: What is the best dream you've had of them?

Ohhh boy, there are so many to choose from. I think I dream about him almost every night, if not nightly. I'm also a pretty vivid dreamer, and I feel like I can actually feel the sensations happening in my dreams.

I've had love confession dreams. One where he told me his feelings and knew they were reciprocated, but was trying to work with me to set boundaries for the two of us, which was a real bummer to wake up from.

I had one where he scooped me up and spun me around, and I swear I could feel it. I was so genuinely happy, and he looked like he was, too. His wife, who was watching the whole thing go down, was not very pleased, though. At first he was holding me bridal style and my arms were wrapped around his neck. Then he moved me around and we were to chest to chest, with my legs around his waist 😵‍💫

I've had some where I go to him for comfort, and he provides. My favorite was when I was being approached by two guys, noticed him in the crowd, and ran. When I got to him, I was screaming for him to help me, even though I was in virtually no danger. I wrapped my arms around him and was clutching his shirt in my fingertips (it reminded me of that one pic of Harry Styles during the last 1D concert where he's holding on to them so tightly in their group hug). He hesitantly put his hands on my back, and right before I woke up, he put his lips on the top of my head and whispered that everything was going to be okay. I remember wishing that he'd keep talking because his voice was relaxing me so much.

I had one (that I actually made a post about bc I was in such disbelief lol) where he propositioned us sleeping together. What I didn't include in the post was that he mentioned it several times ??? It didn't end up happening, though, which was sucked for dream me.

I had another where he and I were talking, and he casually pulled his shirt off. I was stunned, and ducked behind the nearest doorway to give him some privacy. He poked his head around to see me, and smirked and said "it's not a big deal" with a sly smirk.

But I'd say 99% of them are pretty cute and wholesome. 10/10 would reenact in real life lol

Day 27: What is the saddest/scariest dream you've had of them?

I don't want to trigger anyone, so I won't go into any detail. But it was pretty scary, and made it difficult for me to look him in the eye the next day.

Day 28: Does your tc ever bring you up to other students/teachers that you know of?

I think so? Some teachers I don't know very well have said to me that he and his wife really like me.

Day 29: Do you see them as being a romantic person? Are you?

Ummmmm, I'm not 100% sure. I'm gonna go with yes, based on a few stories I've heard about him and his wife (from him), but none of them were especially romantic.

I definitely am. I'm the most hopeless romantic person I know lmao

Day 30: How have they changed since you two first met? How have you changed?

When we first met, he wasn't necessarily "standoff-ish", but he came across that way. I genuinely thought he hated me because he never looked me in the eye, barely spoke to me, and when he did, he seemed like he'd rather be doing anything else. I didn't care much for him either, because I just figured he quite literally could not stand to be around me, and that made me feel bad.

Since then, we've gotten to know each other a lot better, he's opened up to me a lot, and we've both become more comfortable around the other.

As for me, I've gotten better at talking to him, I've obviously developed a crush on him, and changed my appearance. I'm in a completely different headspace than I was when I met him, and I'm very grateful for that, because things were not going well for me at the time.

I think we've both just become more open and vulnerable with each other.

[merlumina]

hi there, tumblr

So after quitting all other social media (twitter, instagram, facebook), I found myself 1) pretty lonely tbh and 2) at a loss for how to keep myself creatively motivated and inspired with nowhere to share my work. I'd heard from several people that tumblr is way more chill these days, and while I hesitated at first, I finally decided to give it a try. After a few weeks of waiting from tech support to regain access to my account (pro tip: don't sign up for anything important with your college email address), I regained access yesterday and spent some time doing some tidying up (i. e. deleting most of my old posts and likes).

So...hi! Feels weird to be back. Life has changed so much in the past seven years. It was interesting going back through old posts to relive those times. Since I was last here, this is what I've been up to:

hollowforest and I got married in 2020. While he was unfortunately not able to propose to me at MAGFest after a particularly victorious round of Gundam Xtreme VS, which would have been rad, we settled for eloping at county jail, which is also a cool story.

Ringo, my cat, is still with us! But now we also have a dog, Haru (named after Persona 5 Haru). Yeah I like dogs now. I like pitt bulls now. 2012 me would never.

After years of self-doubt and self-loathing about my life choices, I actually became what I wanted to be when I grew up - a software developer! In late 2020 I took the plunge to do a coding bootcamp and got really lucky being hired into an apprenticeship program before I'd even graduated. Now I'm making those big coding $$$ working from home, literally living the dream and still kind of in awe.

I joined the Diagnosed with ADHD in My 30s club! (Also, I'm in my 30s now)

We bought a house in October, 2022! I did not think it would be possible for the longest time, but due to the big job upgrade we were finally able to afford it.

I've played a lot of video games, but not beaten that many.

I picked up game dev as a hobby and have made a few small games during game jams.

My mental health is overall a lot better now! Part of that is from therapy, part of that is from self reflection, part of that is maybe just growing up. See also: quitting aforementioned social medias.

Improved mental health aside, my hangups about my artistic abilities and creative capacity still haven't improved any in the past 10 years. It's one of my biggest personal insecurities, but also one of the reasons I'm trying Tumblr again! I wanted somewhere to post my practice routine to keep myself accountable, as well as a place to get inspiration from other artists.

I'm going to make a concerted effort to keep this blog focused on art and personal things that make me happy. After I left Tumblr in 2016 I started working on myself and trying to focus on bringing more empathy into my interactions with others. Whether or not I've been successful at that is another matter, but in general it has helped me be a happier person. I am not interested in participating in Discourse. I don't think you can judge the "goodness" of a human based on a handful of things they've said/done online, and I won't be made to cast judgment on anyone. I think we should spend less time tearing down people in our own communities and more time asking why it's so easy for the people in power to trick us into fighting each other. In general, the overall vibe that everyone's social media account is a personal soapbox where they can make declarations about what is Right and what people Should be doing makes me uncomfortable. So I'm going to try not to do any more of that here. I do like still having those discussions sometimes, but I prefer a more personal venue, where I feel like I'm talking with people rather than at them.

Let's be cool to each other! -Liz / merlumina

[virgo-dream]

ao3 first lines ✍️

tagged by @yourlocal-charlatan!! thanks for the tag!! rules: post the first lines of your last 10 fics posted to ao3. if you have less than 10 fics posted, post the first lines of all your fics.

"Endless were 6 shows into their first tour. Something that felt like a far off hope had become reality for the passion project Dream and Death had started in the garage of their father's home. They'd been signed onto a record label, released an album, and now had a proper fanbase to keep things moving."

Safety Net: A Bolt in the Blue Story

"Sometimes, it was impossible for Hob not to marvel at how lucky he truly was. He and Dream had been married for about 10 years, after Dream had decided to step down from his role as lord of the Dreaming for good. Retirement suited his husband well too: Dream was making quite the name for himself as a painter and sculptor, and took great joy in taking part in the small tasks of their everyday life."

Glitter Glue and Butterfly Stickers

"Morpheus was notoriously a heavy sleeper. Hob had noticed it the very first night they had shared a tent, and after the first active combat situation they faced, it became blatantly obvious. While the fighting had left Hob scarred in his heart, as it usually did, Morpheus laid down to sleep as if nothing had happened."

When I Wake Up, There Are Only Your Eyes to Greet Mine - chapter 2

"Dream doesn’t get it at first. He never really did get it, but only attributed it to the need humanity had for labels, for packing things into boxes and saying this goes here and that goes there. Sometimes, it leads to this goes to heaven and you go to hell. It seemed to be a very common one, too. He was beyond that; his name said it all, Dream was endless. Not he nor she, not man nor creature, he was all there was to be and the nothingness beyond it. Gender and sexuality need not apply."

One of Their Own

"Dream had avoided music for as long as he could remember. It is hard to escape something that is so present in the mind of dreamers, that plays in the imaginary background of every argument, every victory, every kiss and every loss."

The Miracle of Song

"Out of the many things Dream had been deprived of during his imprisonment, the ones that hurt the most were those he never admitted to himself were essential to his well being. He'd given up on the concept of caring for his own needs the day he buried his son."

May Dream - Chapter 3: Healing Waters

"Being tired was something both Hob and Dream understood on a deep level. Hob had lived thousands of different lives, and Dream had been the thread that connected every weary mind to ever existed. It was safe to assume that both of them did, eventually, need to wind down and rest. Immortality did not grant Hob with a tireless body, and endlessness meant a forever working mind for Dream."

Spring Roll for Your Thoughts

"133 years passed, Hob finally gets a name, and the promise of meeting more often than once every century. They begin meeting frequently, and Dream starts thinking of the New Inn and Hob's flat as a safe place he can go to when he needs to get some distance from the process of rebuilding the Dreaming."

Daisy Chains

"Immortals can't die, right? That's the whole premise of the condition. Immortals can't die. "But you can be hurt, or captured." Hob remembered Dream saying in their meeting way back in 1789. He'd been captured before, sometime around 1640, drowned as a witch."

Freely Given

"September had been particularly warm. It was the end of summer, and the rain was slowly making its comeback. That afternoon, a particular heavy shower came down, announcing the end of the sunny months. An increasingly annoyed Hob had to run home with his jacket over his head to try not to get completely soaked, wondering to himself why on Earth, after accumulating 600 years of wisdom, he would not remember to leave the house with an umbrella."

The Night of The Storm

tagging: @littledreamling, @softest-punk, @avelera, @moorishflower, @valeriianz, @tj-dragonblade, @quillingwords, @issylra, @wintersmitth, @landwriter, @arialerendeair

[parkminijiminie]

This is gonna be a very long ask (sorry about that) but there were three different things that I wanted to talk about.

1. I really dislike when cishet jikookers try to assign heterosexual standards to whatever potential romantic-sexual relationship Jimin and Jungkook could have/ have had. I dont know if you are queer or not, but many queer people tend to have more *situationships* than meet-like-become bfs/gfs-love-marry relationships. When you add the layer of them being celebrities since they were teenagers I think that would only decrease the likelihood of their relationship ever being like an average heterosexual relationship. I will also add as a disclaimer that I am a queer woman and cannot speak directly on how mlm relationships develop. Having said that, my thoughts on what their dynamic is/was (if it really has been sexual or romantic) are that it was probably a combination of experimentation, convenience, and chemistry, and less serious than the average expectation of male-female relationships. During the 2017-2019 years where most of us seem to think there was undebiably smth going on between them beyond a friendship or brotherly bond, they had a lot of proximity and very busy schedules. Ironically, the two times where Jungkook has had dating rumors (with evidence) have been during times where they are not in close proximity and have different schedules (i.e., the break they took in the fall of 2019 and early this year when Jimin was extremely busy while Jungkook was not.) I am not trying to diminish their bond by saying it was purely out of convenience. Its possible for love to come out of that convenience, but what I am saying is that that type of dynamic also might have left them wondering if there was every anything more out there for them. Similar to the whole ch2 situation, when we remove the whole enlistment thing out of the equation, its probable that some of them wanted to try something different but that didnt mean they didnt like being in the group.

2. Tomdaya. Why tf am I bringing Tomdaya up? lol

Back during the shooting and promotion of the 1st Spiderman movie there were a lot of rumors of whether Tom and Z were together. Most of the gen public wasnt keeping tabs on that but Zendaya fans were quick to realize that he would often fly out to see her but they were very secretive about what they then referred to as their “friendship”. Sometime after, there were pap pics of Tom with a woman that clearly did not look platonic so her fans immediately realized that they either broke up or were never a thing in the first place, only friends. After that, they both went on to have semi-public relationships with other people. Then, a few years later they get papped kissing and are officially a couple. At that point, most people werent even aware that there were some sus things early on in their *friendship* and just assumed that they just got together much later after they met. I don’t want to over explain it, but Im hoping some of the parallels Im trying to draw are clear.

3. Finally, I am really curious about who that anon thinks Jimin might be dating. Right now the only sus thing Ive seen that could be interpreted as a “thing” is his friendship with Lee Saeon. Not only is he the only person Jimin has been spotten out with casually, but it also looks like he wears a lot of Jimins clothes. He was even spotted with Jimin AND JK a few years ago. He starred in a BL and did say that he was strictly an ally, but he would not be the first or last closeted queer person to call themselves an ally lol. Despite Jimin spending so much time with him he has never brought him up and always talks about his friends in plural even though its always the two of them alone (except for that one time with jikook in i think 2021). Im sure he has other friends so its interesting to see why its only ever the two of them going out. Him and Eunwoo have also been kinda sus sometimes but its been a hot minute since we’ve seen anything from them lol.

I do agree on your point about queer relationships. Personally, Ive been in a heterosexual one for years, but I know from friends and family that comparing heterosexual relations to queer ones isn't very fair. The challenges , expectations and risks when you're queer are completely different and the way to acceptance and a steady relationship , especially in a country which doesn't support you, is a very different than what straight people go through.

On this topic, I find something Jimin once said very interesting. He said he used to think he was just living life and having fun but it didn't turn out that way and had to accept some things and come to terms with them (not an exact quote). Many people, including myself, thought he meant coming to terms with his sexuality (for the record, I believe he's shown us clearly he is queer, possibly bi).

That being said, I believe in your theory about his and JKs relationship. Given their age, profession and country, if there ever had been something between them, I doubt it had been linear and straightforward, as some would like to imagine. Them being young, busy, and constantly together with one being bi and other (probably) at least bi-curious is not something to be dismissed. I genuinely don't think that if they had something more than friendship, it was superficial, but it most likely was complicated.

I see Saeon's name being brought up a lot when talking about a potential partner for Jimin. I don't want to speculate much about someone who said they're heterosexual, but it's not impossible for them to share something more. At least the physical stuff he has mostly gotten out of the way already 😁

Does someone know when him and JM became close?

[sweetestpopcorn]

Daemyra haters like to use the reason that Daemon was a grown man when he was “seducing” Rhaenyra but they don’t voice out that Harwin String was also a grown man when he was screwing Rhaenyra. Sorry but Harwin isn’t some innocent character. Sure he was a supportive of Rhaenyra but he actually was quite useless. He couldn’t do anything to support her in court and frankly him fathering her velaryon boys just made things worse for Rhaenyra imo. Sure, Rhaenyra isn’t innocent in having children with him but I’m more understanding to her because she was put in a precarious position by her idiotic father.

Hi there!

This is a problem that I think comes with the fact that most people dislike history, so they never actually bothered much with it and they don't realise our rules and standards did not apply let's say 100 years ago, so much less would they apply in an alternative world modelled after Medieval Europe (for the most part).

In Westeros most girls were wed at 15-16 years of age, some younger. In Fire and Blood alone we have Aemma and Helaena being bedded at 13. While Helaena and Aegon II barely had 2 years between them which makes it less bad and we can brush it off as they were two teenagers, Viserys was 18 when he took 13 year old Aemma to bed. The maesters said she was a bit young yes, but they acknowledge this because sh:t got complicated for her in the child bearing department. For Helaena it didn't, so no one mentioned anything regarding her very young age. They don't really care, this is the bottom line. If we were to analyse the situation with Viserys and Aemma by our world's standards I don't think most people would be ok with an 18 year old banging a 13 year old. Does the fandom complain here? No, of course not. They don't give half a f_ck about either of them.

We have another great example not only of someone not legal in our world but being courted and wed to a man MUCH OLDER than she was in Rhaenys Targaryen. Rhaenys was 16 when she married Corlys who was 37. Need some help here? Those are twenty one - I repeat TWENTY ONE - years between them. This was a marriage that left everyone delighted. Was Aemon horrified and disgusted that Corlys courted his 16 year old daughter? No. Was anyone? No. Yet I always hear absolute radio silence when it comes to this couple and huge age differences and a woman not being of legal age (in our world).

Let's now get to Rhaenyra and Daemon. Rhaenyra was 14 when Daemon returned in 111 AC, soon to be 15 since Septon Eustace claims she "rode Daemon's dragon" and became a "dragonrider" 😏 sometime before her 16th birthday. Daemon was around 31. While us in the modern world would describe - and well - Daemon's actions as gr🐻🐻ming and ab_s€ and say and well that Rhaenyra could not consent, guess what? The same would be true for Rhaenys and Corlys, it would also be considered gr🐻🐻ming + ab_s€ + ch:ld marriage. But Westeros is not our world is it? In Westeros, Rhaenyra was seduced by Daemon. His actions towards her - gifts, poems, wining and dining, going out to hunt, sail, hawk, etc - would be seen as any man would court an available woman. This is how you would "date" someone. And indeed both of them seemed to have this idea in mind when they entered their relationship. According to both Eustace and Mushroom, Daemon wanted to marry Rhaenyra, so this wasn't simply to debauch her, he had marriage in mind. This was very much seduction + courtship. Also apologies in advance to the RuMoUrS and LiEs crowd, but all the time the two spent together alone during the course of six months and Daemon's gifts are presented as facts/court documented things not as this person said X the other one Y. When it comes to Rhaenyra, Septon Eustace says she asked Viserys for leave to marry Daemon. Mushroom says otherwise -> that she wanted Criston and he rejected her, not that he gave in and felt very guilty afterwards in case anyone is wondering; no one says this. No one. However, given what we know happened later, and how Rhaenyra felt about Daemon, which of the two is the most likely?

I will let people decide.

So between Rhaenyra and Daemon, again this is courting. C-O-U-R-T-I-N-G.

Now back to Harwin. We don't know Harwin's age. We do know his sisters - Harwina and Harwinette - were close in age to Rhaenyra, but they did not have the same mother, and neither did he and Larys had the same mother. We do have estimates of how old he was because he was already a knight in 105 AC, so he couldn't have been younger than 15 at this time. Bear minimum, Harwin was 7 years older than Rhaenyra though the age difference could be higher. I don't think it was that much more than 7-10 years and I will tell you all why. Because Harwin was still unmarried by 120 AC. Someone like him was a major catch. He was the son of the second most powerful man in the Seven Kingdoms since 110 AC - since the time Rhaenyra was 13 - and was heir to Harrenhal. He would absolutely be someone many fathers would want to marry their daughters to, and in fact, we know he courted Rhaenyra and was a potential candidate for her hand. If he was Daemon's age it was absolutely not likely he would be still single and not a widow at the very least.

I can see the appeal of Harwin because he was much closer to Rhaenyra's age than someone like Daemon - 16 years; who she loved, had an affair that got to 3rd of 4th base and later married - or Criston - 15 years; who she took a childish fancy to and later rejected his advances or got rejected twice. Regardless, at the very least Harwin was 23 when he took 17 year old Rhaenyra to b🛏d and got her pregnant. This is more of a grey line in our world than any of the other situations I have introduced, so I can see why this is a situation that leaves people less uncomfortable and they can deal with it better. Still, Rhaenyra was still 17 and he was from a seggsual standpoint still much more experienced than she was (we know he wh0red like almost every man in Westeros) since in both versions Rhaenyra was someone who's entire seggsual experience was clouded in ab_s€ according to our standards, and that by both accounts had only been with one man who again was much more powerful than she was. So the dynamic is still not the best. Furthermore, according to Mushroom it was actually Harwin who took Rhaenyra for her first "ride" after he came back from a night of drinking and maybe more... so it's not exactly a very romantic setting. I personally have no issues these are characters not real people and this is a different universe, besides, Rhaenyra clearly liked what he was packing 😏 I personally still believe Eustace on this one as I cannot envision Daemon not going all the way with her, but my 1% of doubt does rest in the fact that she didn't get pregnant.

Bottom line is, it's impossible to pretend Harwin and Rhaenyra were not problematic from our standards. Less problematic than her and Daemon definitely, but there are still significant issues. I can understand people preffering them and having less problems but don't come to me and pretend they were the perfect couple if you are using our standards to judge them because no they were not.

Also small note, Harwin did potentially have the capacity to be quite useful to Rhaenyra. As I have noted, he was the son of the King's Hand. His own brother Larys was Master of Whisperers. But he seemed more busy doing push-ups and crushing bones XD which is why since the longest time he has been baptised as Ser Beefcakes and referred to as Rhaenyra's himbo. Which is one of the best things this fandom has ever said XD and a general agreement.

Harwin's routine be like:

And I need to refer people to this amazing f:cking art of Rhaenyra and Harwin by @riotatttherite which remains my favourite of them of ALL TIME. IT'S. SO. GOOD!!!!!!

NOW THIS is what got Ser Incel into a blind fury XD and made him break the arm (ok it was elbow) that touched Rhaenyra and collarbone next to which Rhaenyra laid her head. And also kill Joffrey because... f_ck him I guess.

Joffrey Lonmouth:

Harwin:

Criston:

Also Criston: Ser Harwin and his... brutish ways!

Criston: And Rhaenyra and her...

Us:

Criston: WaNtOn WaYs

Us:

And on this note, nowadays I don't search the tags, both because of redacted 🤢🤮 and because even before redacted some things written were already vomit inducing. The funny thing to me always was that the same people who got SO ANGRY (takes deep breaths) that DAEMON HAD SEDUCED RHAENYRA AND WAS A P🐻 AND A POS AND A MONSTER AND

Was the same crowd who then shipped him with Laena and painted Corlys and Rhaenys as the perfect wholesome couple.

Like yes please, tell us more about how monstrous you find Daemon, so much you then ship him with Laena. Tell us more of how age differences make you uncomfortable especially when the woman was a teenager.

Like... just own your sh:t. Everyone ships what they want. But don't hide between your fake wall of morality because according to your own words you are shipping Laena with a p🐻

Note: All the things said in this post only apply to the soiaf canon and have little to no validity in the context of g*t canon. Thank you.

[erigold13261]

Love how some of the ships suggested in the asks (RoseBots, SongByte, and whatever is going on with Miles and his buddies) are becoming integral to the Eriverse plot

Which is weird because I usually don't care all that much for shipping. Like that's probably a surprise considering I do talk a lot more about ships now than I used to (I used to avoid it heavily with my only ship being kinda Neon and Nova, or Mint Choco Cookie and Cocoa Cookie, I didn't really ship anyone).

I kinda still don't hold it as high as other people I think. Like I don't do the more "traditional" (?) version of shipping where I am always drawing them kissing, hugging, doing very romantic things. I instead treat shipping more like two best friends deciding to live together after years of friendship and helping each other mentally.

That's probably just because of how I approaching relationships (or at least potential relationships) in my life. I never understood how people get into relationships after only knowing someone for a few months, or even married after a year or two of KNOWING the person. Not just a year or two of dating but knowing them for far longer before they started dating.

I think you can kinda see this in my view with Raz and Lili, where I was like "why the fuck are these two kids dating after knowing each other for less than like a week???" Because I just don't think that way, especially not when I was younger (I still can't believe it took me so long to realize I was aroace).

So a lot of me talking about these ships are more like, what they become in the future. I would say the only ones actually dating really early is Miles situation. I don't see Margo and Tila actually getting together until about 2-3 years after Margo moves to Vinyl City, and I don't see Yinu and Peni actually starting to date until after the timeskip sometime on their travels.

It's less that shipping is important to the Eriverse, and more that these relationships are so important and significant to the character, that they are willing to start dating at some point thanks to that closeness they feel.

Does that make sense? I much prefer the idea of people actually becoming good friends and then dating than the other way around (which isn't to say I don't enjoy that dynamic too, that is basically what happened with Purl, Cyril, and West's relationship).

Exploring crushes and the what-ifs are also fun. Like Dew and Haru's (and for a time Dew and Kayane) relationship was mainly a one sided crush on Dew's side that he put on the backburner to actually become friends with Haru and Kayane before ever attempting to actually try and date either of them (giving up on Kayane because he much rather just be friends with her than to date).

Maybe I'm weird or the odd-man-out, but I much prefer talking about general character relationships than pure ship relationships. Like even trying to talk about May, Eve, and Haym's relationship is hard for me for some reason even though I love that ship (though I am tempted to break Haym away from that ship in the timeskip and want to explore some drama there lol).

It's weird. But those ships in the ask are definitely supposed to have strong foundations that are integral to the plot that later helps those characters figure out they do perhaps care a bit more for their friend than they initially though.