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annakie · 3 years

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Patchy

A little under two years ago I made this post, a chronicle of Patchy, the outside feral, turned inside kitty who took ten years to learn to love being petted.

Today we got some bad news.

TW for pet illness under the cut.

Patchy’s always been a bit of a puker, usually oh, say, once a month or so she’d have a good puke for no reason. I’ve had other cats that are pukers so it’s not that surprising.

In the late winter/early spring I started to notice more frequent pukes.

I’d decided around that time that I needed to find healthier food for my cats, with Leela, the oldest turning 16, Fry turning 11, Pemily turning 7 and Patchy turning, I don’t know, 12 or 13. No way to really know. They already got decent food, but I did my research and had started looking at Blue Buffalo, American Journey and Dave’s canned food.

Patchy had been on a mostly canned food diet since she went to the vet back in early 2020 and had a bunch of teeth pulled. Also, as a note, Patchy’s brief flirtation with hanging out in the rest of the house ended after like a month. She and Fry fought too much, and eventually he claimed the rest of the house is his. He also still thinks the master bedroom should be his, but, Patchy defends that territory well if anyone else encroaches. (The door just stays closed most of the time.) I really wish they could have all gotten along, I loved having Patchy out, but both Fry and Patchy agreed it wasn’t going to work.

The food she’d been on was pretty junk-food-ish though, which she did love and eat. But I wanted everyone on more or less the same diet and the highest quality food I could readily get them. So I bought a lot of cans of different kinds of food, and kept a list of which ones seemed to be hits and misses. (I still have a dozen cans of the kind nobody liked -- Blue Buffalo Wilderness Salmon -- I’ve been meaning to take to the city shelter).

Around halfway into this experiment I noticed Patchy puking more, so I decided to try to stick with her favorite kinds, which, I thought was helping.

But once I was fully vaccinated this year, it was time to get all the pets to the vet. I noticed Patchy had still lost some weight, I thought it was due to switching around her food too much earlier, and tried to stick with the things I felt she really liked.

Then, of course, Leela got sick, spent two and a half days in the pet ER and almost died back in April, and then it was like... yeah we’re done being afraid of COVID, we’re done waiting. It’s time to get them all their checkups.

My regular vet was doing COVID restrictions so no pet owners inside the clinic back then, so they took Patchy (and the others) in without me. I thought Patchy had lost some weight, but Dr. B. sounded alarmed when he called me with how much lost she’d lost in the last year, about five pounds. He wanted to do some bloodwork for Patchy, and I said of course go for it.

He called back, sounding much calmer and was like “her bloodwork couldn’t be more perfect. Let’s try switching up her food, get her on some sensitive stomach food and let’s see how she’s doing in a couple weeks.”

So two weeks later it did seem like she was doing better, I called Dr. B back and he said to bring her back in a month.

It was my plan to take her back next week when I had some PTO coming. I admit, later than planned... my last couple of months have been mucn more focused on Leela... who, thankfully, continues to thrive. But feeling like my time with her is running out, she’s been my main area of concern.

The last few days though, Patchy has really not been eating well. Sometimes she does OK, sometimes nothing at all. And then puking every day. I swapped her back even to a few cans of the Junk Food (Whiskas) I still had laying around. She’d eat it... and then puke it up. And also she... stopped sleeping with me. I thought... well, it’s summer. It’s probably too hot to cuddle. But she stopped laying on the bed. She stopped coming up for pets when I come to bed and hang out for awhile specifically to spend time with her and pet her. She runs under the bed again when I come into the room. It’s like we regressed to three or four years ago... just two weeks after our two year anniversary of getting to pet her.

So this afternoon we went to the vet. Getting her into the carrier sucked. I tried nice methods, then I had to scare her into the closet by running the vacuum, and then pretty roughly grab her. I have scratches and a pretty deep bite on my thumb which either maybe hit a nerve or is infected, may have to go to the doctor for it tomorrow. (Yes, washed it thoroughly with soap as soon as I could.) I also hated betraying her trust that badly, but it’s for her own good. But it was rough.

Dr B. wasn’t working so I saw one of the other vets. I liked him. Also COVID restrictions are gone so I got to go inside. But after talking to him for a few minutes, going over her history and what changes I’ve made, he spent a long time rubbing her intestines (Patchy was perfectly behaved, at least.) Then he looked concerned. Then he said let’s do an ultrasound.

A few minutes he came back in and showed me her scans.

Lymphoma.

I was a bit stunned for a second so I missed a bit of the technical speak he said next, but it came down to the best thing we could do is give her some medicine that may buy her more time. It doesn’t sound like Chemo or Operating is even really an option. I’m going to call back tomorrow and see if Dr. B or the vet I talked to can talk me through it a little better now that I’ve had a chance to digest.

If I can get Patchy to take the medicine, and if she responds well to it... she may have 3 - 6 months left.

If she won’t take it, or if she doesn’t respond, it’s at this point, a matter of her comfort and quality of life. So... weeks. And I’m worried about getting her to take the medicine, especially since she won’t even come let me pet her and we just had a huge trust betrayal today. I don’t know if I could take her spending her last few weeks hating me, especially if the medicine doesn’t work.

The vet also told me that... I didn’t do anything wrong. And we did the right thing six or so weeks ago by changing her food and seeing if a few other things worked. Especially with how good her blookwork looked. He barely felt the cancer today, he said six weeks ago Dr. B wouldn’t have been able to feel it at all. And for this particular type of lymphoma... there’s not a lot to be done, anyway. That made me feel better, at least.

(As a really dumb side note, after I got her home, I sat down to eat dinner and watch an episode of Star Trek to take my mind off of all of this since I’d been crying since I found out, paid my bill, and drove home, stopping at a drive through so I didn’t have the mental load of cooking. And I’m in the middle of my rewatch of Enterprise. I bet any trekkies reading this can guess what episode was next in my rewatch because yep I’m in season two and A NIGHT IN SICKBAY started playing, of course, so obviously I NOPED THE FUCK OUT OF THAT EPISODE. For the non-Trekkies.... the Captain has a dog on board, an adorable beagle, Porthos. The dog gets sick and almost dies and spends his night in Sickbay. He does pull through. But the ONE episode centered around a beloved pet getting sick and almost dying... and that’s the episode that fate decreed I was supposed to watch tonight. I did not. I don’t know if I can watch it anytime soon.)

So now for the next few weeks I will spend my time being grateful that Leela is alive and thriving and pray she keeps doing so -- I will continue to give her extra love and care and attention, and also I will need to do the same for Patchy. I can’t even do it at the same time because Patchy will not come out here, and will not allow Leela in her room.

I am low-key freaking out that there’s the possibility of the nightmare scenario happening to me again. In winter 2016, after months of being sick, I woke up on Christmas morning and my 16-year-old cat Jim had died overnight. It was terrible, and traumatic, and I had to deal with everything all alone because anyone who could support me was... well, it was Christmas morning and my family was all out of town, too. Posting about it on Tumblr... actually really helped me, since it’s the only place I felt like I could talk about it.

That Christmas was on a Sunday.

Wednesday morning I woke up to hearing my dog, Cebu, moaning in pain. I rushed him to the vet, but whatever happened overnight, it was too late, maybe there wasn’t anything we ever could have done even if I’d been awake when the puking started. The vet said the kindest thing we could do was put him to sleep. And we did.

Also I just, JUST now realized that the vet who helped put Cebu to sleep was the same vet who I saw today about Patchy.

But I lost two of my pets within 3 days of each other. I was very lucky that my job let us have the week between Christmas and New Years off that year. I had a few days to pull myself together, and I needed it. It took months to recover totally, though. Every once in awhile I think about that week and I still cry, though. I miss them both so much and they both had deaths that were less than ideal.

I remember thinking then “I have like, five years of reprive. Leela will be sixteen in five years, and that’s when I have to start to worry again, when I have to be ready to say goodbye again.”

I thought then that even after that I’d have two or three years until Patchy would leave me, and two or three years past that until Fry. And then five more years with Pemily.

Right now I’m realizing that I will likely lose Patchy, very best case in six months, but possibly before July is over.

I need Leela to keep thriving. I don’t know how I would handle losing another two so close together again.

Patchy is... she’s the one who chose me. I chose my other cats. Fry and Pemily I plucked from the backyard when they were tiny kittens and brought them inside. They didn’t have a choice. Leela I adopted from a rescue, she didn’t have a choice. Patchy chose to stay. She chose to stick around when she realized I’d feed her. It took years but she learned to trust, she chose to come inside when it was cold, when it was hot, when it was storming, and when she was pregnant. She chose me to help raise the last litter of kittens she’d ever had. (My entire Rescue Kitties tag is full of adventures in finding, raising and usually adopting out strays. Lots and lots of posts about Patchy and her final litter. Been awhile since I’ve done it, though.)

I used to joke that Patchy was my roommate, not a pet. She ate, drank, did her business, and kept to herself for a long time. Don’t get me wrong, she was a very good, quiet, considerate roommate and I loved her. But it wasn’t until that wonderful day she let me pet her that I felt like she was my pet.

I loved having her just hanging out living in the house since 2014, but the last two years especially have brought me such joy. I’ve tried to never take Patchy’s trust in me for granted. It was EARNED. Every small step forward was a milestone to be celebrated. I worked for every bit of trust and love Patchy has given me, and have been rewarded. And it was worth it. Every minute. Every long, patient year.

Even now I’m telling myself... without me, she would have died years ago. Probably violently, or starved, maybe frozen to death. Getting to die of cancer brought on by older age is not something that most feral cats ever get to do. Getting to become an inside kitty where she’s loved, and comfortable for the second half of her life was something remarkable, brought on by her wiles and will to survive for so many years, bolstered by the food I left out for her. She’s had this much time, this much life, this much comfort and love that she would have never had otherwise, and that’s something to be happy about.

I’ve watched dozens of ferals come and go through my neighborhood throughout the years. I feed them, I work on seeing if I can get them to trust me enough to let me TNR them, but even those that I have, I don’t keep seeing for much longer. There’s one right now, I jokingly call him Patchy’s Boyfriend. He still won’t trust me and never has fallen for the trap when I’ve tried. But he’s there most nights when I feed him around 11. He’s getting terribly thin despite the quality food I leave out. I’ll miss him.

But none of them were Patchy. None of them became what she is to me. None of them survived long enough to adapt and decide to live another life.

Also? I wouldn’t have Pemily without her. Pemily is literally Patchy’s Granddaughter and that is one more thing I love Patchy for.

I feel guilty sometimes, both because I don’t spend nearly enough waking hours with her I feel, but I have three others who need me, as well. One who’s time is growing short, as well. And they don’t get to sleep with me, she does. What a joy it was all winter when I would wake up and she’d be sleeping on my chest. I’d get a bit annoyed when she’d sleep with her backside to my face and her tail would tickle my face and wake me up. I’m a side-sleeper half the night and she hated that it was harder to get comfortable on me that way. She still doesn’t want to have my hand just stay on her, she wants pets and skirtches, no long-form touching. That’s ok. I sleep better with her weight on me.

I don’t know what the next few weeks or months will hold, but at least pet-wise, it’s going to be rough. I’m going to wrap this up and give these three out here a good pet, then go hope Patchy comes and asks for love, too. Tomorrow is one more day with all four of them, and for that, I’ll be grateful, for every remaining day.

#personal post tag thingy #my pets #pet illness tw #pet death tw

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rishabh-ghosh · 3 years

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The Apparition

News report. 15.5.2020.

According to the latest reports, the cyclone, 'Amphan' just entered West Bengal and is supposed to crash in Kolkata by 7pm tonight. The estimated speed of the cyclone is estimated of about 80 km per hour. If it doesn’t slows, then it will cause huge damage in the city. Citizens of the city are requested not to get out of there house during the storm and to stay away from electrical devices. We will now have a look on the damages caused by the cyclone in Odisha.

I switched off the T.V . Every channel was broadcasting the same news. About the cyclone. I left the drawing room and went to the kitchen. I took out a bottle of Scotch from the fridge. As it was an off day so I decided to relax. My plan was to drink as much I could and sleep till evening. But before, I have to make some arrangements in my flat so that my rooms don’t get overflowed from rain water like the last time. Oh those fuckers from those I bought this flat scammed me good. The flat is is full of flaws. The walls are damp, the sink was badly damaged and there were numerous electrical leaks. Although I have a shelter above my head. I am looking for a job currently. But I doubt an alcoholic and drug addict like me will get any job. I wish I had never left army . But the scenario couldn’t let me work there. After lunch, I drank 5 pegs of Scotch, as a result I was feeling very warm inside but as I am an alcoholic, I didn’t felt intoxicated that much. So I injected myself with morphine to get a good sleep. I just wanted to sleep till tomorrow. Now I can feel sleepy. Darkness was surrounding me and I was feeling the air around me heavier and…………

2 years ago. – Rajasthan, Indian Army Base. 1000 hours. 15.5.2018

“ Major Sanjay Ghosh, I just checked your achievements , it’s mind blowing. You joined Indian army via CDS in 2015. You were part of various Counter Insurgent operations. Then you voluntarily opted for Para regiment, and you didn’t flinched. Even your training officer told me that you are very tough physically and mentally.” I nodded my head and saluted him. He was Colonel Vipin Sinha. My Commanding officer. I replied, “ Sir, from my very first day in IMA, I wanted to be a para commando. And that’s why I trained myself to be as tough as possible.” He smiled and told me, “ Son, force needs brutal and intelligent officers like you only. You guys are tough as nail and are unbreakable. Just remember, never ever let your emotions work in battlefield. Dismiss.” I saluted him and went to the shooting range. I was just inspecting the skills of new recruits. Suddenly, a lieutenant came and told me , “ Sir, we need to go to the BSF camp, it is under attack.” I took 6 men whom I trusted most and gathered our weaponry and went to the camp. According to intel, there were 10 armed men. They were armed with machine guns. The BSF soldiers were pinned down. I asked a Captain named Laxman to be overwatch. He would coordinate us for enemies and provide sniper cover. It was less than 16 minutes we entered the place and almost all of them were killed. I killed 3 with my Insas rifle that day. When we were moving to the jeep, overwatch said via radio, “ Watch Tango 6oclock.” Which meant, that a target was behind us. I took out my pistol and turned around and killed that bastard. Bur the gun in his hand got misfired and the bullet hit Lieutenant Rajveer in the head.

Present day 6pm

That nightmare again! It spoiled my sleep. What? It’s only 6 pm. I better confront Salim. He gave a low quality drug. I tried to switch on the lights but I failed because there was no electricity at that moment. The storm was brewing up. I didn’t wanted to remain awake during the storm. Because storm brings that gruesome memory back. The reason I had to leave army and have to live rest of my life as a broken man is because of storm only.

2 years ago . Indian Army Base.Rajasthan 20.6.2018

Rajveer's death saddened the whole battalion. He was like a younger brother to me. He was very close to me and Shruti, my better half. I didn’t told Shruti about all these because she shouldn’t get any stress as it can be harmful for her and our baby.

Our C/O, Colonel Sinha instructed me that we got intel about many insurgents hiding in a village in Kuldhara. He added, “ The place is allegedly haunted as a result there are no inhabitants. The operation should be a clean job. No target should be alive. And one more thing, this time kill each target at once.” I understood what he meant. I started gathering best men for this night operation. An elderly Naik named Pawan Tripathi asked me, “ Sir , with due respect I am requesting you to not enter the place. I am local and that’s why I am warning, anyone who goes inside the village at night never comes out alone.” I along with nearly whole battalion laughed at him. I told him, “ If you are not interested in taking part in the operation, I won’t force you. But don’t worry about us.”

Around 7 o clock, with a team of 15 men, I entered the village. Our mission was to check every corner of the village and get back to our base by 10 o clock. I didn’t phoned Shruti because of this crucial mission.

Nearly after 2 hours of moving through the whole village, we finally found those bloody terrorists. They were about 20. All of them were all in a single room and were about to rape a local woman of about 27. The woman was asking for freedom. When they were about to do the heinous act, I ordered to shoot. All of us shot the bloody insurgents but sadly, the woman was also killed in crossfire. I threw a hand grenade inside the house and ran away from it with my sub ordinates. I instructed, “ It’s sad and a war crime as well. But it was done by mistake and moreover we were trying to save her only. But we didn’t had any intel regarding her. None of us will say a bit about the girl in the base.” While we were leaving the place in the jeep, suddenly storm brewed. It was not the weather for a storm a while ago. The driver in our vehicle lost his control and suddenly I saw a pair of red eyes in front of me and then I lost my conscious.

I woke up in the Indian Military Hospital, New Delhi. My C/O was sitting beside my bed and was smiling. I tried to sit but my Medical Officer , Major Vikram asked me to lay. Sir asked me, “ It’s been 10 days you were unconscious. All of your partners died. You were lucky that you got thrown out of the vehicle during the accident, because the car caught fire afterwards. Sad death for a band of brave warriors. But there is another bad news.” I asked , “ Yes sir?” He replied, “ Seasonal thunderstorm took place in Kolkata the same evening you faced your accident. Maybe your wife was near a conducting pole in your house. She and her unborn child died due to lightening strike.” I was shocked by the news and was about to say something , but stopped after I noticed a familiar figure behind C/O. It was the same woman but she wasn’t pretty as she was that night. Blood was coming out from her left eye, there were burning marks all over her body . I collapsed.

After a few days, I left army because of that apparition. I thought that it was my PTSD and guilt for unable to save the life and dignity of a woman being a soldier. After leaving army, I tried to commit suicide many a times but failed. As if someone was trying to stop me from committing suicide. Then I got involved into drugs and alcohol.

Present day

Every stormy night, they come and visit me. They don’t have particular face. Sometimes they look like poor old men, sometimes as voluptuous ladies , sometimes as animals like dogs, cats, rats and bats. They torture me and drains life from me. I wish I had listened to that Naik that day. Then I would have not been so broken and dying every stormy night. This night I tried toby pass by sleeping but I couldn’t. I can hear footsteps in my house. It was coming from near the bathroom. I screamed fear fully, “ Who is this? Leave me alone.” In response a familiar voice replied, “ Dear, won’t you see me again?” It was Shruti, my wife. I ran towards the bathroom and saw the thing which could break even the most bravest men. Shruti was there but she was not like before. Her eyes were swinging out of her eye sockets , her cheek bones were emerging out from her burnt face, blood was all over inside her mouth and there was a lump of red mass on her hand from which, a sound of a crying baby was coming. I tried to ran away from the house and suddenly I saw a bright light and a strange shakiness and pain inside me.

Next day, 7 pm , Lal Bazaar, Kolkata police , Detective department

“ Sir, the guy was definitely sick and became insane because of these drugs.” Sub Inspector Suryasis Mukherjee told this to Investigating officer ACP Abhay Roy. ACP replied, “ Are you sure? The man was a Para SF, those who don’t breakdown easily.” The Sub Inspector replied, “ But sir, these things like ' Swinging eyes, mutilated face, dead wife back to life, red mass crying like baby, are these logical? I am telling you what happened, the guy lost his wife during his time in Army, he might have lost his sense from then and started taking drugs. His love for his wife, the things he have seen during his Army days etc along with his drug addiction made him insane and he could see ghostly things. We found that there were leaks in the main lines. Floors of his room were flooded with water. Maybe he hallucinated all these and while running due to his fear, the main line was connected with the floor and the electricity came back then only. As a result, he died.” Abhay smiled and replied, “ What a coincidence, but there’s one thing which doesn’t makes sense.” Suryasis replied, “ What is it sir?” Abhay replied, “ The forensic reports came a while ago. I was reading it while you were there in the crime scene. Maybe because it is the case of a soldier, they did it faster. Sanjay’s fingerprint matches with that of the prints found on the pen found near the page where he wrote this whole senseless horror story. But that’s not the case. The case is , according to forensic tests, Sanjay died yesterday around 7 pm yesterday because of electrocution only. But the write up was written 11 hours ago, which means around 1 AM today. According to the investigation, he lived all alone in his house. My question is , if he was alone in his house then who had written all these , 6 hours after his death?

#my writing #horror #war crimes #military #psychological horror

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natalilysims · 4 years

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Legacy Questionnaire

Thought this would be fun to do so I can look back on it after a few more generations pass and see how some answers change. This can also be done as a ‘send me a number’ game so if you want to do that you can find the original post by @melien, here. Inspired by @an0nymousghost, you can check out their post here!

1. When did you start your legacy? What inspired you to do it?

I started this Legacy on March 28, 2019. I usually do challenges where there are a lot of rules for each generation but I wanted to start something where I could do pretty much what I wanted and play a little bit more out of my comfort zone. And I’d seen a lot of amazing Legacies on Simblr that made me want to do my own and post it.

2. Are you following any strict rules there or just play how you want?

Nah, I’m basically just doing what I want.

3. Post the oldest picture you have from your legacy save.

The first ever Sharp house. Originally created by lilsimsie but I gave it a renovation. It’s up for download if anyone wants it!

4. What’s so special about your founder that you wanted to start a legacy with them?

She wasn’t really special to be honest. I just finally made a Sim that I managed to enjoy playing enough to not give up and start a new family like I’ve done a few times before with Legacy Challenges.

5. Favourite generation(s)

Generation 1 was probably my favourite. Which makes it sounds like I’ve enjoyed the family less and less as the challenge has gone on but that not the case at all. I think it’s because even though it was only a little over a year ago, I have a bit of nostalgia for that generation? Idk, I’m weird.

6. Favourite heir.

Probably Harper, the Gen 3 heir.

7. Favourite spare.

Either Abi from Gen 1 or Jordan from Gen 3.

8. Favourite spouse.

Alessia, the Gen 4 spouse. I’m gonna be really sad when I have to move on to Gen 5 and stop playing her.

9. Top 5 favourite legacy sims.

1. Jordan 2. Alessia 3. Sonny 4. Abi 5. Hayley

10. Top 3 favourite couples.

1. Safiya and Milo - the OG couple of this challenge. I have to stan. 2. Jordan and Jackson - kinda look like brothers but I just love them so much. 3. Eli and Alessia - currently playing them and they’re so cute.

11. If you ever did any story lines, what is the one you’re most proud of?

I’m not a huuuge fan of making big story lines for my Sims but sometimes I have little things in my head about the Sims’ personality or their motivations for doing certain things that someone looking through my legacy won’t know because I don’t necessarily put them into my posts to make a huge story.

12. Any memorable moments?

Mango, a cat from Gen 2, randomly going into labour. I literally don’t know how she got pregnant.

13. Any funny moments?

None that I can think of. That’s upsetting.

14. The most unexpected twist in your legacy?

Some of the kids were unexpected twists - Harper and Hazel weren’t supposed to exist and neither was Eli but I have a problem with making my Sims have too many kids.

15. Favourite name used on your sims?

I remember being very excited about naming Gus. And I love the name Sonny, especially for a boy. For surnames, I was really proud of Nair and Lane, even though they’re pretty basic lmao.

16. Who of your legacy sims you can relate the most to?

I don’t really relate to any but if I had to choose it would either be Abi or Harper.

17. Do you usually get attached to them or just play without deep thinking?

I get kind of attached in that I love looking back at old screenshots and remember how fun it was to play them but I don’t cry when my Sims die or anything like that because I usually have other Sims that I can move onto and focus on. And like... if I really wanted to see a Sim again, I probably have them saved somewhere.

18. Any surprise babies? What was the story?

Not really a surprise because I made it happen, but Harper and Hazel were not part of my original plan for Generation 2. I planned on Faye only having 2 kids but I was bored and when that happens I usually cure the boredom by having more kids, which I’m trying very hard to stop doing because after the excitement of having the baby is over, I can be even less interested in playing than I was initially.

19. Who of your sims has the best style?

I feel like none of my Sims have the best style, they’re all pretty generic, but if I had to choose... Jordan or Harper.

20. Who is the best genetic mix of their parents?

This is definitely a flaw of The Sims 4 and its shitty skin tones but I quite like that Max and Jordan (who are twins) have a slight mix of their parent’s genetics. Max has Harper’s hair and Cheyanne’s skin tone. And Jordan has Cheyanne’s hair and Harper’s skin tone.

Again, this shouldn’t be a thing. The kids should have a skin tone that’s in the middle of what their parents’ skin tone is but I just thought it was interesting when I noticed it.

21. Is your legacy berry, vanilla, banilla, or a mix of those?

Vanilla in the sense that they aren’t berry sims but not vanilla in the sense that I use a lot of CC and some mods.

22. Have you ever done another legacies apart from this one?

I’ve started a few, two of which I began posting on here but then deleted because I didn’t like how they were going. I was 100% expecting to give up with the Sharp family as well but it’s going pretty good so far.

23. How many generations are you aiming for? When you reach a certain milestone, are you going to continue playing or just wrap up the whole thing?

If I lose interest at any point and genuinely get bored of the Sharp family then I’ll probably stop at the end of whichever generation I’m on but ideally I want to complete 10 generations. I might take a Sim born in the final generation and use them in another legacy/challenge I start as a spouse or something but I’ll stop with the Sharp Legacy after 10.

24. Have you ever done any other challenges with your sims from the legacy?

At some point I probably will use someone from the Sharp family in something else but so far I haven’t. I will be using a Sim from another challenge/family in Sharp Gen 5 though.

25. What do you do when you feel uninspired playing the legacy?

Either stop playing The Sims 4 altogether or play another challenge/family for a bit.

26. Have you had your sims die? Which death was the hardest to take?

I’m on Gen 4 so a lot of Sims have died at this point, all from old age. So far, Harper’s was probably the hardest to take.

27. Do you have this one OTP that stands out among the other legacy couples? Tell us about them!

Jordan and Jackson. I don’t know what it is about them, I just love them so much. Sometimes I wish I made Jackson the heir. I knew that for Gen 4 I wanted to live in Sulani and do Island Living stuff but I didn’t mold Jordan into an Island Living type of Sim so it wouldn’t have fit very well.

28. Have you had a sim who you grew to like?

Eli was very unplanned and I had no idea what to name him and I was like ugh why did I do this but now I love him a lot. Originally, I named him Casper.

Bailey was also very hard to name. I’ve always really loved her, it’s just the name that I’m not sure about. I like the name Bailey but something about Bailey Sharp isn’t my fave. And Sonny and Bailey don’t go together that well imo. But at the same time, now I couldn’t imagine her having a different name so... idk.

29. Have you had a sim that you fell in love with right away?

I’m always obsessed with the first born in a generation so - Abi, Hanna, Max & Jordan, Sonny

30. Do you choose your heirs yourself or make heir polls?

I have thought about making an heir poll when I’m not sure what I want to do for the next Generation but so far, I’ve managed to figure it out so I haven’t needed a poll.

Also, when it comes to choosing an heir, I usually like to choose when they are still a child so I can kind of mold them into what I want for the next Generation as they’re growing up. So making a poll would be hard because the people voting wouldn’t know my plan and I wouldn’t want to give major spoilers for what’s to come.

31. The first legacy memory that pops up in your head?

Safiya going to a cafe to make friends but she ended up just sitting alone drinking coffee. Or when Cheyanne and Harper went on a date and Harper died...

32. The hottest sim?

Gus, Max or Brandie

33. The prettiest sim?

I feel like I’ve been very lucky with this family because all the kids have been really pretty but if I had to choose, probably either Abi, Hayley or Jordan.

34. The most unique sim?

I feel like all my Sims are pretty basic to be honest. If I had to choose... maybe Jordan? I’m not sure.

35. Have you had any sims that remind you of someone?

I’ve never really thought about it, so I guess not.

36. Do you use other people’s sims in your legacy?

I think most of the Sims I’ve used for this Legacy are either pre-made Sims in the saves I’ve been using or I’ve made them. I don’t think I’ve specifically downloaded anyone from somewhere for my Sim to marry. I probably will do that at some point though.

37. Imagine if you had a chance to meet one of your sims. Who would it be?

That’s so weird for me to imagine but if I had to, either Jordan or Harper.

38. Do you have that one generation you wish you’d done differently?

I love Brandie and Eli so much but I sometimes wish Harper and Cheyanne had Max and Jordan and then were done with babies because 2 generations in a row with 4 babies is a bit much.

39. Your favourite non-romantic relationship in the legacy?

Harper and Hazel were fun to play with at the beginning of Gen 3 when they went to university.

40. Random fun fact about your legacy you want to share!

I’m trying to make each generation a bit different and focus on a pack. Gen 1 and Gen 2 were both fairly generic but Gen 3 had a university theme for a while and Gen 4 is Island Living. Gen 5 will probably be a mix of Island Living and Eco Lifestyle (if I can be bothered to figure out how to properly work Eco-Lifestyle).

#sharpfam #idk what to tag this lmao

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toughbookie · 3 years

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7 Books in 7 Days

I Stumbled across a few YouTube videos about this “7 Books in 7 Days” challenge going on on the internet.

I got curious and after absolutely no research or further preparation, I decided to do that as well; I would have read seven books in a week.

Aaaaand here’s pretty much how it went.

DAY 1: The book I couldn’t find in English

Title: Storia di una balena bianca raccontata da lei stessa

Author: Luis Sepúlveda

Pages: 107

Rate: 5/5

Having started in the early evening, I had to pick a book that was short enough for me to finish on the same day. The choice fell on this tiny masterpiece by Sepúlveda, whose literature I wasn’t familiar with (boy, will that change during this reading challenge) aside from The Story of a Seagull and the Cat Who Taught Her to Fly, read years and years and year and years ago.

What I thought I was going forward was a nice, cute little novel.

Was.

Wrong.

This actually kind of broke me.

Based on the story of Moby Dick - which in turn is based on the true story of the Essex, a whaler that left the island of Nantucket in 1819 only to be destroyed by the giant sperm whale the crew was after to acquire the oil to power lamps… Look, life sucked before we got electricity - this book is narrated by the giant white whale in the flesh. As you might have guessed by now, we’re not talking about the happiest story ever.

What starts as an observation from the young whale’s eyes of the resourcefulness and curiosity of mankind, quickly transforms into a condemnation of its cruelty and disrespect for nature.

Beautifully written, I definitely recommend this book to anyone who loves angst and can speak Italian or Spanish (I couldn’t find an English version).

I really had a good time with it. And also a good cry. I’m fragile.

DAY 2: The book about a murder

Title: The body in the library

Author: Agatha Christie

Pages: 215

Rate: 4/5

For the second day of this challenge, I’ve decided to throw myself into a novel featuring Agatha Christie’s Miss Marple.

In this crime novel, the body of a young woman is found in the library of Mr. and Mrs. Bantry’s house. The problem: nobody knows this girl or how she got in there. It’s going to be up to the police and, naturally, to Miss Marple, to find the truth.

I have discovered Agatha Christie only recently but it’s undeniable that she deserves all my love. It’s been fun to read this book and develop theories to find out who the murderer was and how and why they acted. It was like piecing a puzzle together. This is my first reading featuring Miss Marple, and I found her quite impressive. Unlike her “colleague”, Hercule Poirot, Miss Marple is not a detective, she’s just people smart, and it’s delightful to follow her around on her adventures.

Unfortunately the finale didn’t satisfy me that much, but it was still pretty good. Definitely recommended.

DAY 3: The long one

Title: The temptation to be happy

Author: Lorenzo Marone

Pages: 268

Rate: 3.5/5

Note: The more I think about this book, the more I feel like it doesn’t fully deserve its 3.5 rating. Consider it as an “almost 4”, please and thank you.

On the third day, I faced the longest book of the ones I had chosen. And, since life happened and I had other things to do around, I risked not finishing it on time (no worries, I managed).

The story is one of a cynical 77 years old widow: Cesare Annunziata. He doesn’t really care much about the people around him, except his daughter and son whom he loves even though of course he doesn’t know how to show it. Up until here, it’s honestly pretty standard and it has its cliches.

Everything changes when Cesare realizes that his new neighbor, Emma, is a victim of domestic abuse and lives in fear of her husband. The old man and the woman form an improbable friendship aaaaand I don’t want to get into spoiler territory, even tho the story is actually quite simple and sometimes predictable.

The best part about this, however, is not the story. The characters are what really brings the book to life, with a perfect balance of goofy and more serious personalities. It’s people we could meet every day, and that’s what really makes it good. Not full of plot twist, but it’s not meant to be.

Reading Lorenzo Marone was a pretty nice way to spend the day.

DAY 4: The other book about the murder

Title: A Caribbean mystery

Author: Agatha Christie

Pages: 230

Rate: 4/5

Another day, another Agatha Christie’s novel. In this sunny and colorful environment, new murders have happened and new assassins have to be found.

Miss Marple, on holidays in the Caribbean, is having quite a good time, except not much is going on around here. Lucky for her - and honestly, only for her… I mean, good for you that you have a hobby but you should really not enjoy dead people so much - old Major Palgrave is found dead in his room. What looks like a natural death to most is actually a deeper mystery, and it’s up to Miss Marple to dig up the truth and save the day before the assassin strikes again.

Again, making up theories and analyzing the characters is a lot of fun, and I actually found out who the assassin was, which is pretty rare because I’m dumb at mysteries.

At the end of this book I started to feel a bit tired and I got a bit of a headache. I loved reading it, but with work I never really have the time for long, intensive sessions that go on for multiple days in a row.

Still, the pleasure of reading this book made everything more bearable.

DAY 5: The big fail

Title: Loving sabotage

Author: Amélie Nothomb

Pages: 62 out of 124

Rate: 1/5

God, I hated this book. Pretentious, boring, just bad. It didn’t even seem like there was a plot or the author was talking about anything in particular, just words put down one after the other without any true purpose.

Really felt like a waste of time. It was awful to get though. So I didn’t. Which, given my holiday was over and I had to go back to work, gave me a bit of a time problem.

DAY 5: Sepúlveda strikes back

Title: Patagonia Express

Author: Luis Sepúlveda

Pages: 127

Rate: 5/5

To save the day at the last minute, came Luis Sepúlveda with this short account of his travels in Patagonia.

Starting in Spain and exploring the very edge of the world, this collection is filled with wild characters and hilarious episodes that made me enjoy every single page.

That is, after getting past that one chapter about lamb castration.

That was a weird one.

I’ve never liked this particular literary genre much, but Luis Sepúlveda gives an incredible description of the places he visited, the people he met and their own stories, which are particularly bizarre and told with incredible talent. It’s a pretty short book, so I don’t want to spoil anything, but you get the drill.

Possibly my favorite book out of this challenge, Patagonia Express is a delightful quick escape from the ordinary.

DAY 6: Guess who’s back

Title: The old man who read love stories

Author: Luis Sepúlveda

Pages: 135

Rate: 3/5

So, Sepúlveda wasn’t originally supposed to stick around for so long, but here we go again.

As for The old man who read love stories, it’s possibly the book I liked the least from Sepúlveda. Which isn’t saying much, I still like his work a lot.

The story is one of old Antonio José Bolívar Proaño, and guess what: he likes to read love stories.

That makes two of us, buddy.

He’s also an expert of the forest nearby the small town of El Idilio, and forced to hunt down a female of ocelot, along with a group of men from the town.

Through some flashbacks we also find out the story of his life and how he became to know the forest so well. That’s my favorite part of the novel, by the way.

While the book started well, it felt like it got lost somewhere around the second half, which was supposed to be the important, life-lessons-packed part. You know, the part you don’t want to get lost at.

By the last pages I was almost falling asleep, and thinking back a couple of days later I don’t really remember much of the story as a whole.

In total honesty, a lot of it might have been because it was the sixth book in as many days, and my three brain cells had been up to a lot more than they can usually stand. Plus, long work hours got in the way.

DAY 7: Because it’s Christmas

Title: Hercule Poirot’s Christmas

Author: Agatha Christie

Pages: 209

Rate: 3.5/5

A millionaire asshole. His children and their wives. A nephew and a family friend. A murder on Christmas night.

It would have been offensive to read so much Agatha Christie without any Hercule Poirot, and so here comes my dear detective, ready for the grand finale.

Also, it’s Christmas!! Christmas book!! Christmas spirit!! Quite literally I mean someone got killed -

Hercule Poirot’s Christmas is an interesting novel, full of well done characters and mystery. I had a good time reading it, as I always do with this kind of novels.

But I do have to say - it’s probably just me and other readers liked it fine - the finale really ruined it for me. It feels pulled out of nowhere at the last minute, and even though it was certainly a big surprise, it felt added like a second thought just to make an even bigger plot twist than what could have been.

Aside from that, it’s a good book and given the settings I dare say it’s the perfect reading for when it’s cold outside, maybe snowing, and you’re cuddling under a blanket with a nice warm cup of tea.

Or hot chocolate.

Pick your favorite, I won’t judge.

Conclusions:

So finally we’re at the end of this 7 Books in 7 days Challenge. It was very enjoyable, but also towards the end it got pretty draining and sometimes stressful to keep up with the reading schedule while squeezing into the day everything else life throws at you.

Doing that on a week of holidays instead three days, when I could have focused only on the books, it would have probably gone differently, maybe even attempting to tackle longer novels. But you know, we’re talking about reading 1139 pages in a week, which is not something I thought I was capable of doing.

So overall I’m proud of how I did.

Not sure if I’ll repeat this but I’m glad I’ve done it, at least this once, and I honestly recommend it.

Also I don’t want to read anything else until 2022.

Bookie, signing out.

#7 books in 7 days #books #reading challenge #agatha christie #luis sepúlveda #lorenzo marone #hercule poirot #miss marple #bookblogging #reading #the body in the library #a caribbean mystery #la tentazione di essere felici #novel #hercule poirot christmas #book review #i'm so tired #worth it

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breezy-cheezy · 4 years

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I finished Final Fantasy 7 Remake

Long story short, I loved it!! So much!! And there’s alot I wanna rant about so here we are. A review of sorts?? Major spoilers ahead!

And if y’all think you’re immune to spoilers because you played the original FF7, YOU ARE NOT. Lots of new stuff here....just warning y’all.

Although! I did find this great looking walkthrough playlist if anyone’s interested and can’t play the thing themselves? Idk how complete it is with the details, but from a glance it looks nice!

- FIRST OF ALL the music in it all is amazing!!! From the menu song all throughout, I got Emotional. All the rehashings of Aerith’s theme?? Tifa’s theme?? The FF7 main theme here are there?? AMAZING!!!! I need to find a tracklist or something there are so many versions of the songs specific to the scenes they played in and I die??? Man it is Good.

- On the music front, I really enjoyed the Jukebox feature! So they could add in old classic songs that story-wise couldn’t appear yet...good nostalgia there.

- Lil disclaimer, I played the original FF7 fairly recently, on Steam. HOWEVER. I played Crisis Core years ago, and watched Advent Children, etc. And Final Fantasy music has been a staple homework playlist for me for ages now.... So yes I’m new to the whole FF7 original story. But not new in how most people are...it’s a weird situation lol. Like I knew the general FF7 story for awhile but just recently filled the details....

- The gameplay is awesome!! I wasn’t great at it, but...tbh it felt like mechanics combo of the original FF7, FF15, annnnd Kingdom Hearts :D Also appreciated it PAUSED when you picked out commands lol. Loved upgrading weapons. Loved working with materia. I wish there were like...ways to save a materia set so you could easily switch over when your characters were switched out though X’’’’D

- Biggs is Aro/Ace

- Cloud is VERY Aro/Ace

- Tifa might be Ace

- I decided long ago (in my Crisis Core phase) that Sephiroth is Aro/Ace. There’s nothing to “prove it” in this game but I’m holding to it. I have claimed these characters askjdhuiwdhguerhgr

- Side note, slightly related, but I love how the relationships shone in this remake?? Lots of casual, comfortable touch with Tifa and Cloud (in which Cloud seems in general pretty touch averse due likely to Trauma) in a “we’ve known each other our whole lives” way and gosh I love them. Aerith with Cloud is adorable. Barret!!! Was characterized SO WELL here, and I love him way more than I ever did!! Barret and Tifa interactions as well were so heartfelt and wonderful aaaaaa how good

- Like...Barret haaaates Cloud in the beginning. But somewhere along the way he adopts Cloud instead and ain’t that fantastic?? He just can’t contain how much he cares about others and especially his daughter and goSH I love him.

- Aerith!! I love her!! She gave such a vibe that she knows more than she says, but is still so cute and sweet and sassy I LOVE!!!! Also that scene in the train graveyard with baby Aerith ;;~;;

- Also

Cloud: You need any help??

Aerith, climbing a ladder: I’m fine. You don’t need to treat me like a princess or anything~~~

*ladder breaks*

Aerith, completely serious: s h * t.

I LAUGH

- Cloud was actually really cute with kids!!!!!

- I think I saw a post where they talked about how much more consistent characterizations were here?? I have to agree. I feel some stuff was lost in translation while playing FF7 original, and it felt alot more put together, character-wise, here. I feel like some of that was learned from FF15 and its success with character relationships?? It was Good.

_ I rambled about this before, but Wall Market was every bit as embarrassing as you would think. *covers face*

- Also I thought it was interesting how they handled who was in your party when! A little annoying sometimes though, switching materia around!!! DX I also really wanted to actually PLAY Red XIII/Nanaki....but sure make him an NPC, whatever. (I am grateful he healed me often.)

- *me when Nanaki shows up* AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! THERE HE IS!!!!!!! (sidenote, in the original, I didn’t wanna call him by his experiment name. He’s the only character I changed the name of. The name I picked? Ignis. :”D )

- The motorcycle segments were ANNOYING AS HECK, especially that last one in escaping the Shinra building DX The game forced your camera to focus on the boss and that made the controls VERY ANNOYING. Cool to watch tho.

- I actually almost completed the game boss fight chain early last night!! But RIGHT when I got to Sephiroth, the family demanded I get off the TV for their use D: all that progress....I had to redo ALOT. DX

- STILL the fights were VERY cool! Reminded me of KHII end alot actually, jumping around on broken floating buildings and whatnot?? Also the creature looked like a HUGE DARKSIDE heartless lol

- There’s actually alot in this remake that gives alot of a KH feel to me?? Nomura I see you....

- *screeching the One Winged Angel theme still not knowing the words*

- I LOVED how they showed scenes of the future in the end?? Probably ripped from Advent Children, but?? The characters actually seeing that?? Going “this CAN’T be our future!!” Yo. Also it’s implied it might not HAPPEN now going against destiny and all. I know alot of people are pissed but I am EXCITED. I’m all for a fix-it fic game thank YOU.

- Speaking of fix-it: ZACK. ZAAAAAACK!!!!!! It’s implied he’s alive in one reality so WHERE IS HE??????? I’m so curious about this new story. I’m gonna eat up theories. I want!! To see!! My baby boy!!!!!! to be Fair (haha) I spoiled myself knowing he was in the game but I didn’t know WHEN!!!

- This is terrible, but I love how much they expressed how NOT OK Cloud is. His mental state is awful, but boi won’t talk about it.

- Like I know it’s in the original, but it comes up ALOT more in the remake, and the flashbacks/brain short out moments are more obvious in HD for sure. Plus Cloud’s eyes seem more green there, which is a great touch!! Also the incredible FORESHADOWING it brought. Love it. Please someone help this idiot with his headaches....

- I did get annoyed with the whole scene in Hojo’s lab. Cloud’s walking like a zombie toward where Jenova is, saying CONCERNING things, and NO ONE reaches out until he outright collapses? We all just gonna stand back and watch?? Sure ok.

- Hojo is absolutely disgusting and horrifying and exactly how I imagined him, creators did great job.

- Also why does no one use curaga in these character death scenes???? Potion? Anything????Hello??????

- I was so relieved Wedge (and one of his 3 cats) got to live, and then devastated when they chucked him out a window last minute ;;A;; still. I didn’t see a body. Maybe he’s ok.....*sobs*

- I WAS NOT EXPECTING BIGGS TO BE SEEN IN RECOVERY THO YEEEEESSSSS (I love ANY sign that they DID manage to change the future a little...I thought he was dead!!) Fun fact! The one part I legitimately started crying was when Biggs “died”! Hhhhhhhhhh

- Those dang dementors huh? X’’’D Whispers of fate...there to make sure the story goes according to the original game basically. Does that make the whispers the purist fans of FF7? ...please don’t kill me for that comment sidfiushguigerha

- I just wanna say making a game ABOUT making a remake (that is different from the original) and the struggles in that is VERY meta and so clever and delightful and I LOVE IT. I really wanna see what happens next....

All in all I spent 52 hours on this game. WAY more than I expected for only covering Midgar. And I ENJOYED it!! Some parts felt like the story was being dragged/padded, but most of the time I didn’t care. Also there’s even more to do?? Apparently I missed some scenes....I don’t have time for now, but maybe someday. Or maybe I’ll just look them up ;;7;;

It’s a good game y’all!!

#breezy babbles #breezy plays ffVII #ff7 remake spoilers #ffVIIr #ff7remake #final fantasy #ff #SPOILERS #but also a helpful link for those that can't get the game!#seems like a good video series of the playthrough #excuse me while I use tumblr as a journal and rant my thoughts #again #and claim characters to my ace headcanons lol #this is a good game and I'd highly recommend thank yoU #so many ideas to draw so little time

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drunknihilist · 3 years

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How’s My Life? I don’t know I Never Really Had One.

I was born in 1990, from 93 to 98 I was raised middle class in the country. Anything I wanted my dad bought it for me because he worked at Goodyear. My mother turned my word upside down from 98 to 2002 when she told me he wasn’t my real father and she was divorcing him. She wound up cheating on him and moving me in with an alcoholic former marine that locked me in a walk in closet for 4 years and for 3 of them when he wasn’t beating me I was his boyfriend and he never worked.

If I chewed my fingernails he beat me. If I didn't turn the light switch off before I left a room he beat me. If he caught me trying to sneak food out of the fridge he beat me. He shattered a flashlight over my head for bringing home a bad report card in front of my mother. He gave me a handjob with my pants on while my mom was sitting in front of me a few times and even though she looked me in my eyes she didn't say a word just kept watching television. He made me read porn magazines and watch pornographic films with him since I was 9 years old. He would make me hold his cock when he went to the bathroom to take a piss. I would wake up to him in the middle of the night having sex with me so I start sticking objects inside of myself thinking that if I stretched out the area that maybe I would be able to handle it more easier. There were even times where I would feel unusually tired between 5-7 in the evening which was around the same time he was taking me on these gun shooting trips with a man named George Reynolds and I have my suspicions that he was giving me drugs and letting him have sex with me when I was passed out. He stuck loaded guns to my head threatening to kill me if I told any of my teachers about it. So I was kept in solitary confinement and fed one or two meals a day to keep me alive so they could get my SSI check in the mail to buy beer with it.

I spent my 8th grade year living at my grandmothers house away from all the abuse and I actually made the honor roll. So my mom leaves him and meets my little brothers dad and talks me into moving in with her again and I spend 03 to 06 repeatedly getting grounded while his family bullied and beat me so they could get my SSI check in the mail and buy more beer with it. To make matters worse when we had to move out of a place in west logan his daughters left my belongings on the property after they moved their stuff out and the property owner threw all of my stuff in the garbage. The only thing I had to my name was the clothes on my back and I didn't even know that it happened until my mother called me and told me about it.

Then I told my grandmother I had enough and I want to move in with her she welcomed me with open arms. I actually went to the dentist for once because my mother never took me in the past ten years and I figured out I had 11 cavities in my mouth. I didn’t know how to interact socially around people so the friends that I did manage to make became a second family to me. So from 06 to 08 I was more focused having a social life and having two short term relationships than I was on my school work so I barely even graduated high school.

A woman that I wanted to marry that I spent 9 months with off and on and I lost my virginity to told me to meet her across town so that she could go back to my grandmothers house to meet my uncle in the basement for a quickie out of revenge for me breaking up with her multiple times and only got caught because my step sister walked in on the two of them so I spent the end of 08 to 2010 getting a lot of casual encounters out of my system trying to forget about her but nothing made me feel better.

From 2010 to 2012 I tried to get a job but I have had such an emotionless thousand yard stare that it was like trying to give a job interview to a robot. So when nobody would hire me a friend of mine named David was paying me a little bit of money working and training me as an contractor plus I also got a second job because a man name Charles who was running a business in the back of his place said that he needed a second locksmith. My grandmother kept getting sick so I began to spend more time taking care of her than I was showing up where I needed to be. David replaced me with another coworker and they ended up opening their own business and Charles ended up relocating out of state.

Here I am 22 years old I’m broke and I have to be a caregiver to my grandmother. Boy I could really use a friend, but as months went by nobody called me, texted me, came by the house. It got to where I was so depressed I checked myself into a mental health facility for a week to try to cope with my situation. Then when I got home I decided I love my grandmother dearly but I need to leave this town. I ended up leaving early in the morning to catch a bus and my grandmother talked to me on the phone thinking that I was a son of a bitch and she doesn't have anyone that's going to take care of her. So I had family who lived in a different state that took me in and I got a job working as a telemarketer. My uncle back home ends his own life and none of my family is helping my grandmother with emotional support so I have to move back for over half a year. I go back out of state again and another uncle gets me a job working as a maintenance man. However he cannot stop his addiction to pain pills so whenever he got done blowing his paycheck he was always wanting me to give him most of mine. Then one day I put my foot down and said I’m not doing this for you anymore and he told lies to my boss and got me fired.

I got a job working as a caregiver under the table for a lady who lived across the street from me because all of her family was thousands of miles away. So 400 dollars a month was a lot better to me than nothing. And at this point I was taking turns being a caregiver for my neighbor, grandmother and the aunt I was living with. My aunt has MS and I had two cousins that were in their mid to late 30's that never lifted a finger to do dishes or clean house I was stuck doing all the house work for free and whenever I am not in Logan and I'm back home I'm still expected to do it.

I have to regularly travel back and forth to my grandmothers house because whenever I call her she says she doesn’t eat for days sometimes because even though my mom lives in the house directly behind her she cannot come over and cook 2-3 times a day. It’s not like my mother works because now that she is single she keeps my little brother in the house just like she did to me most of my life while she plays games and spends his SSI money. I can barely afford to put shoes on my feet and my grandmothers pet cat sat on top of a new laptop and soaked it in piss and she said that it was my fault because I didn't lock the door when I went to sleep. So I went back home and didn't wanna talk to her for a few weeks out of anger.

My real father comes back into my life in 2017 and a year later he actually gets me a job working with him for the mayor of a small town near Columbus renovating rental properties. I find out mom cheated on him with the man that worked at Goodyear. The mayor pays me 200 dollars for a week of work and I thought if this is the rate I’m starting out I’m just gonna move up here. So I worked with him for over a month but I was still calling my grandmother twice a week just to see how she is doing. I try to call one day I never got an answer so then I tried again the next day and a nurse answers the phone and tells me she almost died.

I told my father I need to go back and be with her so when I got back my mother said she was gonna pay me 50 bucks to help my grandmother get situated inside of a nursing home facility. I said ok when I get done with this dad can just pick me up and take me back when all of this is finished. Not only was I lied to but my grandmother fell and fractured one of her bones and had to lay starving in her own piss and shit for 3 days before any of my family bothered to come over and check on her. She only spent one day in the nursing home before she started crying and screaming she wanted to go home. I wound up having to spend 2 months living at her house again changing her depends cooking all her meals the whole nine yards. Funny thing was when me my aunt and my mom went to pick her back up from the nursing home they had a good laugh after making the comment that they should have just let the crabby old bitch walk back home with her depends around her ankles holding onto a walker.

Here I am 30 years old all of my teeth are rotten and I don’t have any money for a dentist. I have never been able to stay on one job long enough to even know the first thing about paying income taxes because my aunt and my grandmother take turns crying over the phone that nobody is taking care of them. I would rather sleep under a bridge than go on welfare. I have never owned a car or got a stimulus check. I have never had my own place and I have never owned a smartphone. And all my family can do is sit around and laugh at me when I'm not around and call me a loser, meanwhile their kids are going to college and are living out on their own, but if it was any of them dealing with this they would have put my grandmother away a long time ago. It’s like as long as she is my problem they don’t have to deal with her but the minute they hear she’s too sick to eat or doesn’t feel well they would be the same people to jump on the phone yelling, “WHY HAVENT YOU MADE HER NOTHING TO EAT!” I am not a danger to myself or anyone around me.

My father has not been back to see me or even call me because every single time he shows up my family asks him if he has any money, I have no friends and I have anxiety attacks that keep me from sleeping at night because I know I’m going to die homeless under a bridge because I’m at that age that nobody is going to want to hire me anymore. I do little jobs here and there so I can buy some vodka and cranberry juice so it’s easier to go to sleep at night. For the past two weeks yet again here I am at my grandmothers house. She goes through 3 pairs of pants a day because of bladder problems I have to change her depends 7-8 times a day. I have to comb her hair take her phone calls do her cooking. Sometimes I don’t sleep for 2 days straight just so I can sleep on the third day to be up early enough to help her to the bathroom.

Again I’m 30 years old but it’s like I spent 17 years of my life in jail for a crime that I didn’t commit. And I told my grandmothers caseworker back when I was 23 years old that people I've tried to talk to over the years have told me that I can get paid for the work that I'm doing with her and all she said to me was that I would interfere with the income she was getting from the government so she can't do it. My mom doesn't own a car and she lied about being disabled so she could live off of her children’s SSI and my grandmother doesn't know how to read or write and has never owned a car but got pregnant 8 times so she could live off their SSI and my grandfather could use it to get drunk with. My family does like the remind me though that because I don't believe in God that I'm going to go to hell. Scientists have long since proven that dinosaurs existed millions of years before humans. I finally understood that the enlightenment that the Buddha was talking about was actually another word for nihilism. I suppose I understand letting go of material possessions and not causing suffering to other living creatures. Nihilism for me is like Buddhism except I am still a meat eater. I think people who are vegan do not understand that if these animals were not in such a demand that they are then they would go away just like the rest of the other species we've had a hand in wiping out as we let our population grow larger and larger.

I love my 84yo grandmother very much and she tells me she loves me and my mother has not told me she loved me in over 22 years. And I'd like to think that I'm finally going to be free to be by myself and make my own choices for once by the time that my grandmother is dead. But I know all that is going to happen is I'm going to be one of those 40yo men that stand on the street begging people for spare change. Till one day a cousin of mine is gone drive up in a new car laughing at me telling me I should have went to college. It's February 2021, I got a birthday coming up in 4 month, I have never been to jail one day in my life, I have no criminal record of any kind. I've just always been this dog that gets is chain tugged on and I bark.

The only thing that the world has taught me is people only have time for you as long as it is convenient for them and even when they appear genuine I always wonder if everything coming out of their mouth is a fucking lie. I have fantasies about picking up the pieces that Hitler left behind after he shot himself in the head only I do not believe in a master race. I feel betrayed by my own empathy for other human beings, I don't care what color they are, they are destructive selfish semi evolved primates that are too brainwashed by their own bullshit to accept the fact that money is their God. And just because there are children across America dying in the hospital from cancer that doesn't mean that when they die they got a heaven to go to.

After all those days trapped in my room when I was a child barely even weighing 90 pounds I never thought for one minute I was gonna grow up to be a loser. Lol if any of my family read this they would just say that if I was so damn miserable why didn't I just get out? Oh cool so that means you're gonna move her into your house? No??? Does that mean you're gonna help her with all of her daily activities so she doesn't cry to me on the phone every couple of days that she's not getting any help and all her home heath aides do is do dishes and sit on their ass? No??? Ok then what kind of Christmas card did you pick out for me this year? Whoever said we were getting you one, you need to get a job you damn loser. And it's actually worse now because they stopped all of her home heath aides last year because my mother gave her bed bugs and she didn't want to say anything about it.

I feel like a human trafficking victim with stockholm syndrome but when I look up what a caregiver is it actually says work without pay right in the description so it's not like I can take anyone for lost wages. I've never even got a present for my birthday party or for Christmas since I was 7 years old and the only time I do is when my grandmother gives me some money so I can put some new shoes on my feet or get a new coat to wear.

But I'm a man I'm not supposed to talk about my feelings I need to suck it up.

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ruby-dear · 4 years

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all of them except 77, 78, 81, 92 and 96

Ember, I know this was you. I’m doing it, but that’s 93 questions you’re asking for so they’re going under a cut.

1. Talk about your first love. There have been a lot of those, so let me talk about the first one I really remember. I was in eighth grade, at the time, and she wasn’t exactly a great person looking back but she was cool and confident and she liked me, and she called me her best friend, and probably the best school-related memory I’ve ever had was her tackle-hugging me from across a classroom. I didn’t even realize I liked girls until she’d pretty much left my life completely. Maybe I’m looking at it through rose-tinted glasses now, but I think that’s okay, sometimes. 2. What’s the most beautiful songs you’ve ever heard in your opinion? Most of my favorite songs are Owl City, especially the older stuff. It has a soft, dreamlike vibe to it that I find really pretty even when it’s depressing. 3. How’s your heart feeling right now? Pretty good, I think? 4. What kind of self care is your favorite to do? The fun stuff. Bath bombs, makeup, fancy shampoo. Retail therapy actually works pretty well for me, even if a lot of the time I don’t even buy anything. 5. What’s your skincare routine? Um... Shower? 6. How did you get to be so beautiful? Natural talent and carefully learned confidence. 7. Do you have any stuffed animals? Oh, do I. I have like, seventy Webkinz, and that’s without getting into anything else. You could say I collect plushes, even if I don’t do it as actively now. I have a couple of Eevee plushes, too - I’d say I want to own all of them one day, but I’m like, 95% sure that’s not possible. 8. Best trip you’ve ever been on? Once, we went to Prince Edward Island for a week, and my mom surprised me by meeting up with my best friend’s family, who happened to have gotten a room at our hotel for one night. I think that probably wins. 9. Favorite thing about your room? That it’s starting to look like it belongs to me, even if I want to move somewhere else. 10. Opinion on love? It takes work, but it’s worth it.

11. Are you affectionate? Around people I’m comfortable with, definitely. 12. Who do you look up to? The people who have enough confidence to be unapologetically be themselves.

13. Favorite poet? Robert Frost. When I was eleven, I found a book of his poems, and I loved that book so much I didn’t pay any attention in English class at all.

14. Song that makes you happy? How about one that calms you down when you’re in a bad place? There’s a lot of songs that make me happy. Hard to go wrong with the Pokemon theme, though. As for things that calm me down... It’s Alright by Mother Mother and Misguided Ghosts by Paramore have both got me through a lot.

15. Do you play an instrument? No. I was supposed to learn piano in seventh grade, but I couldn’t read the sheet music so they never let me play, and I tried to learn guitar multiple times but it never stuck for the same reason.

16. Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)? I paint, though not as often as I’d like to! Using acrylics, usually, but watercolors sometimes.

17. Do you dance? What style of dance? I took ballet as a child, til they kicked me out of class, and I still enjoy dancing but I don’t remember any of what I learned.

18. What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in astrology? Gemini. I think it might have some kind of truth behind it, but I’m not really one of those all-or-nothing people. It’s just for fun, you know?

19. Favorite old film? I don’t watch a lot of them. Does The Aristocats count?

20. What’s your hairstyle? It’s long and wavy. I’m getting blue highlights soon.

21. What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion? Light rain. The kind that dries off before you get inside, when the sky is perfectly clear, but it starts falling anyway and it stops just as quickly.

22. What upsets you most about the world? That however hard we try to fix it, we’re unlikely to get very far.

23. Are you in love right now? Yes. At least, I think so.

24. Do you have a crush? If so, talk about them! I have a girlfriend. Is that the same thing? She’s cute and funny and she thinks the same things about me for some reason, and she knows exactly how much of a disaster I can be and hasn’t run away yet.

25. Do you have pets? Talk about something sweet about them! I have a cat, Little Prince. His sister died about a month ago, and she was the one who usually kept me company (total lap-cat), but ever since he’s usually either close to where I am or comes when I call him over.

26. Do you have a lucky number? Any multiple of seven, but especially fourteen. They’re my favorite numbers for the same reason.

27. Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash? I try to wish on stars, when I see them. Eyelashes I’m usually more annoyed about than anything.

28. Do you believe emoji spells to work? I think anything has the potential to work, given the right amount of effort and intent. That said, I don’t think you’re going to accomplish anything drastic.

29. Do you believe in magic in general? Oh, definitely. Just look at the world we live in. How can you not believe in magic when it’s all around you? The night sky without air pollution, the sunlight dancing on the water, candy cane white hot chocolate - it’s everywhere, in everything.

30. What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion? Everything. There’s something beautiful in everything, if you look for it. Today, let’s say the feeling of sliding around on a hardwood floor in fluffy socks, dancing along to one of your favorite songs.

31. Opinion on the color pink? What about baby blue? As a kid, I hated pink. I like it now, though. Blue is my color, light blue especially (particularly with star patterns), so I’ve always liked it.

32. What instrumental sound is your favorite? Am I alloawed to say wind chimes? I’ve always thought they sounded super pretty.

33. Do you like the sound of wind? What about the sound of rain? I love them both.

34.Who makes you happy? My friends. All of them, in different ways, the people who are still in my life for various reasons. I love them.

35. What makes you happy? Light rain, strong wind, good music. My cat’s soft meow when I wake him up by accident. White peppermint hot chocolate. Fall colors, string lights, Halloween and winter holidays. Ice and snow and skating, dressing up for no apparent reason. The trick to it all is finding new things every day.

36. Imagine your ideal life, the life you wish to make, what will that look like? A house big enough for a family. A degree of some kind hanging on the wall. A life where I’m making things because that’s what I love, and I can try new things just for fun, where I don’t have to worry about money so much. The chance to get married someday, maybe.

37. Do you wear makeup? If so what’s your favorite type of makeup or specific makeup product? Favorite store to buy makeup? I do! Unless someone else is doing it for me, I generally keep to lipstick and eyeshadow. I’ve never been especially picky about what brands I use, but I usually go to Nyx because it’s on my usual route when I go on shopping trips, and I’m kind of attached now. Plus, nowhere else I’ve been in person has as many bold colours.

38. Do you wear dresses? If so what’s your favorite dress you own? I like wearing dresses. My favorite that I still have is a longer black dress, and it’s in serious need of either repair of retirement, but I got it for $20 as a cosplay outfit last year and it served its purpose. I wear it around still, sometimes, because it’s generally an easy fix.

39. Ever been heartbroken? How do you deal with it? Yeah, a few times. I vent to my friends, usually, and then I eat ice cream and listen to gnash for a while and eventually I start to feel better.

40. Who’s your closest friend? What do you love about them?

41. Introvert or extrovert? Kinda both? It’s complicated.

42. Do you like MBTI? What’s your MBTI? Is that... Fuck, is that the one with the letters? I think I got ENFP last time, and when I was younger it was INFP.

43. Would you be a fairy, a mermaid, a vampire, a siren, a or an angel? I’ve had people tell me I have ‘fae vibes’ before, so let’s go with that and hope it’s not offensive.

44. What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you? I don’t remember enough of them to feel good about picking one. I basically only listen to music I’m recommended now.

45. Parlez-vous français? A little, by virtue of being Canadian and having driven through Quebec. Not enough to carry on a conversation.

46. Most beautiful place you’ve been to? Prince Edward Island, hands down. It’s gorgeous.

47. Where/when do you truly feel at home? When there’s a light breeze, and the perfect song is playing, and the people I love are there. When we’re laughing with each other.

48. Does smiling put you in a better mood? Try it right now, you’re smile is gorgeous! I don’t think it does, honestly? But it does tend to happen when I’m happy.

49. Favorite shoe you own? These ankle boots I got secondhand that have little metal stars on them. I’m gonna be so upset when they finally wear out and I need new ones.

50. Can you walk in stilettos? Do you like them? God, no, I’ve tried. Any heel that’s too sharp or pointy or tall is a major problem for me. It’s part of what makes finding shoes such a pain.

51. Do you feel loved? Not always, but yeah. When I remember, or when I ask, or when I’m reminded.

52. How do you express love to those you care about? I try to tell them, but I’m also the type to engage in constant teasing. I’m the friend that punches you in the arm as a show of affection.

53. Favorite term(s) of endearment? The more creative ones. The basics don’t do much for me, honestly, but it’s more about the person saying them anyway.

54. Most romantic thing someone’s ever done for you? Make me feel like I don’t have to try so hard to feel like myself.

55. When is the happiest you’ve ever been? Walking the downtown city streets in winter. It was cold, sure, but it was gorgeous and I finally felt independent for a while.

56. Are you happy right now? Yeah, I’d say so.

57. What makes you smile? Bad jokes, among other things.

58. Do you laugh a lot? Yeah. A lot more than I used to.

59. What’s your favorite kind of aesthetic? Punk/scenecore. They’ve really influenced my more recent style choices.

60. Do you want to marry for love or for some other reason (like money)? Love, definitely.

61. What would your dream wedding look like? Do you want to get married? With someone I love, and the other people I love there too. Somewhere beautiful. I think I do, someday, but it’s not something I’m so worried about.

62. Favorite flower? Roses. Blue Moon Hybrid Tea Roses, in particular, are especially pretty.

63. Favorite artist? I don’t really have one. I do enjoy looking at art, though.

64. Favorite music artist? Owl City.

65. How kind do you think you are? Is kindness important to you? I don’t know. People seem to think I’m kinder than I believe I am. It’s important to me, yeah, to try and help people and to do nice things.

66. Ever made a playlist for someone? A few times. They were never anything special, as far as I’m concerned.

67. Do you have anything you do to physically comfort you when your sad? Such as a favorite blanket? Or a relaxing bath? Long, warm baths and cuddling with my cat. Warm blankets and stories with happy endings.

68. Early bird or night owl? Night owl. I’m a night person.

69. Morning routine? Wake up, do nothing for a while, actually get out of bed and figure out breakfast. While that’s going on, try and figure out if anything important is happening today.

70. Night routine? Get comfortable, then write or daydream til I fall asleep.

71. What is the most lovely quality a person could have in your opinion? Self-confidence and a willingness to help others.

72. Do you cry often? Does crying help you get the emotions out? Do you feel better after? I tend to hold back my feelings til they all fall out. So I end up crying at least twice a month, usually. It helps, yeah.

73. Do you like hugs? From people I feel comfortable with.

74. When was the last time you kissed someone? On the lips? Never.

75. Are you small or tall? Small. I’m 5′0.

76. Do you like wholesome memes? Yes. They’re cute.

79. Have you ever lived in a different country than you currently live in? Nope. I’ve never lived outside this city, only been on trips.

80. Do you like plane flights? Airports? I’ve only flown once, and I was two, so I don’t remember it very well.

82. The beach or a forest? Sand or bugs? Depends on the day. Today, though, forest.

83. What time of day do you tend to be in the best mood? Evening, usually.

84. Do you push yourself to act together and in a good mood even when you aren’t? Yeah, when I’m stressed.

85. Favorite kind of tree? Either maple or pine. I’m Canadian, what can I say?

86. Do you care about the health of the Earth? Yes, but there’s only so much one person can do.

87. What did you like most about your childhood, if anything? Field trips. Adulthood is sorely lacking in field trips.

88. Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book? I used to. These days I still read, but it’s mostly fanfiction. My favorite books, though, are Tamora Pierce’s Emelan series and the first two books of Kenneth Oppel’s Silverwing trilogy.

89. What are you most nostalgic for at the moment? Trick-or-treating.

90. What’s your favorite personality trait you have? I try to let the people I love know that I love them.

91. List at least ONE thing you love about your appearance. I have pretty great hair.

93. Do you worry a lot? Constantly.

94. The dazzling lights of the city or the relaxing countryside? The city. The countryside’s nice, but the streetlights and the city skyline are what make me feel at home.

95. Ever changed the shoelaces on one of your shoes? For what reason? I actually don’t know how to tie laces, so no. I’ve never been able to pick it up. I might get someone sense to, if I could find cool enough laces.

97. Do you like doing little acts of kindness? Yeah. It feels good to make people happy, you know?

98. How’s your day/night going? Pretty good! I did just spend over an hour on this, but I finished it, so that’s an accomplishment of its own.

#asks #Anonymous #ember why are you like this #ruby speaks #thank you though

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incorrectly-quoted-queers · 4 years

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A Room Full of Vampires

A Drawfee Fanfiction

John’s sister was the lamest best friend he ever had.

They had planned to go to the movies for a week now, after months of John begging her to go with him. She only caved because this double feature landed on his birthday, and he promised she’d get out of buying him a gift if she went.

Cheapskate she was, Ava readily agreed.

For the past few days, he’d been so excited about it. He planned on going all out at the snack bar, he’d bring a blanket, the works. It would be like when they were kids and they used to watch movies in blanket forts when their parents went on dates.

Considering John’s birthday last year was the worst thing that happened to him, he deserved to have some serious nostalgic fun on this one.

But that morning, when he woke up to only one text, all it said was a weak apology that she couldn’t make it because her boyfriend had a work event. Then about twenty minutes later she added a proper, “Happy Birthday”.

Cool. First birthday single in ten years and not even his sister wanted to spend the day with him. It was fine.

Totally fine.

However, when it was 7 pm and John hadn’t left his house and had totally demolished a pint of red velvet ice cream, he concluded that maybe it wasn’t fine.

By the time the first movie of his fantasized double feature was almost over, John was pretty damn sick of staring down the liter of Mountain Dew and feeling sorry for himself. He looked in the mirror. Sure his hair was a mess and he still was wearing yesterday’s clothes, but he was a perfectly capable 26-year-old man. If he wanted to go to the movies on his birthday, he could go all by himself, dammit.

Feeling a surge of self-confidence (possibly fueled by his energy drink overdose) he vibed with the electricity running under his skin. That’s right. He was an averagely attractive, somewhat active, not dead human. He could go out and do anything!

Granted, he couldn’t fly. He caught himself a taxi the second he got outside. He wasn’t an animal.

When he reached the theater, the box office was derelict, save an arguing couple buying tickets. In the dark night, the platinum blonde, with arguably fabulous long hair, glistened under the bright lights. The duo looked a lot fancier than him, but sometimes people cosplayed to the theaters, so that’s what he figured was going on. Since the second feature was Cats, maybe they just really liked musicals and wanted to get their Phantom of the Opera on. He just sorta shrugged it off and waited for them to be done.

But their bickering was pretty interesting. “Bertrand, we were supposed to go to an elaborate dinner tonight. But instead, you stayed at work late, missed our reservations, and you’re trying to make it up to me by taking me to a half-finished theater event? I’m not a dog, your scraps aren’t enough for me.”

“Bastian, I am trying to make it up to you. You love Cats. You’ve always loved Cats. You loved Cats before it even was on Broadway. This should be a fun substitute.”

“Well, maybe I wanted to see Sonic the Hedgedog, too.”

“It’s hedgehog, love.”

“Whatever.” The blonde, named Bastian, crossed his arms and stared at the movie posters, waiting for Bertrand to finish paying.

While John loved himself a good drama, the awkwardness of hearing a couple argue also made him want to shrivel up inside and die. On a normal day, that would’ve been enough to make him go home.

But not today.

Today was his birthday and he was going to see a movie, dammit.

After the way-too-fashionable men walked away, John walked up to the dead-eyed teenager. “One for the double feature.”

“What is up with you people, coming half-way through the show?”

He didn’t mean to, but John bristled from the inside out. Caffeine rage was no joke. “I am an adult and I live my life in a way that makes me happy. I look like a happy man, don’t I?”

“I don’t think I wanna answer that.” Handing over his tickets, the teen grimaced. “Enjoy the show, dude.”

John didn’t mean to get so rattled, so he gave the guy an awkward wave and hoped that he never met him again.

Okay, all the chaos had to be over now. He was going to walk into that theater, enjoy this damned movie, and prove that he was perfectly fine on his own. He didn’t need Ava or Stacy or anyone to make his birthday a good one. He was a 26-year-old man and--

Just as John pushed the doors to the theater open, he saw the couple from before standing in front of all the aisles, accompanied by two other oddly dressed men, four children, a bat, and a dog with...Wings?

Though John had been pumping his arms pretty intently, a man on a mission, he stopped dead.

All the way down the aisles, Bertrand said, “So that’s why I knew this double feature was happening.”

Behind the kids, the guy with a big cloak threw open his arms and yelled, “Boo!” They all jumped and squealed, but then threw themselves into his arms.

By all accounts, that should’ve been more than enough for John to leave. There was also a fair shot that, unless he was absolutely losing his mind, he might’ve just walked into a roomful of vampires. Or vampire cosplayers, at the very least, which wouldn’t be the strangest thing he walked in on. After all, nothing would ever beat Stacy getting bent over by a guy in a Teletubby costume.

He still had no clue what the guy’s face even looked like.

Cringing, John instead focused on watching the bizarre, but obviously happy family banter, hug, and bicker. Even the angry couple still obviously was very much in love with each other. Though he could hear Bastian’s petty comments all the way up the stairs, the guy kept making sure Bertrand never stepped on his own cloak. It was horribly sweet, even if it made him feel so much more alone.

Sitting down, he accepted that his night couldn’t get any weirder, so he might as well accept it.

The parents of the kids walked over to Bertrand and Bastian. The one who looked like he got hair tips from Doc Brown was patting Bertrand on the head. “So happy to have my older brother show up to our family outing!”

“It wasn’t on purpose, Victor.”

The shorter, more cartoonish guy shrugged. “Either way, Valentino and I are happy to see you. And so are the kids! Desdemona has been dying to see her “shiny-headed uncle”.”

“Balding is a completely natural part of the male aging process. I just unfortunately got stuck in the middle of it.”

Just as Victor opened his mouth, the lights dimmed. “Ooh! Time for the movie to start. Sit with us!”

Bastian patted Bertrand’s shoulder and he did this deep sigh, but he did it with such ease that it must be muscle memory from years of annoyance. John remembered when he and Ava used to have tics like that. They texted every other day, but the last time he saw her in person had to be months ago.

He didn’t even know what color her hair was right now. Knowing her, it probably changed a few times since the purple he saw last.

Even though Cats started up, and the CGI was a disturbing kind of mesmerizing, John couldn’t keep his eyes off the family in the first few rows. The way Bastian and Bertrand held each other’s sleeves was endearing. The little girl next to Bertrand kept leaning over and asking him questions, but no matter how tense he looked, it seemed like he always answered them. And while he didn’t quite understand what was happening, the one named Valentino held the tiny bat like it was a sweet, sleepy toddler.

His chest started to hurt, looking at them, but he also couldn’t look away. Vampire cosplayers or whatever, they were family. It made his own fingers feel so cold, so empty and killed his Mountain Dew buzz completely.

John looked to his own left and right and wondered how long it’d been since he got used to being alone. Those last few months with Stacy weren’t the best, and Ava drifted when--

Looking down at Victor and Valentino giggling and covering their kids’ eyes when the Cats were a little too sensual, he knew what the answer was: Ava had been distant since they lost their own version of those two.

When Ava and John’s parents died, it had been so sudden. Before that, they spent so much time together. Ava was his best friend, over at his apartment every few days for ramen or advice or to make him try out some new recipe she had. Mom and Dad would take them to farmer’s markets and book drives, supporting their dreams in their own, weird ways. And they all used to really love mini golf, no matter how dumb that was.

He couldn't remember the last time Ava stopped by his book store, even just to say hi.

Maybe he had a lot more going on than just being lonely; maybe Ava did, too.

Before John could really register what was going on, the lights were coming up and it felt like his heart was being torn out of his chest. His cheeks got wet and his lungs got so full of loneliness that they didn’t know they were a pair. He didn’t want it to end. He wanted to stay in this dark theater, living vicariously through this vampire family a little longer.

But crying in a near-empty movie theater doesn’t go unnoticed for long. “Um, sir? Are you okay?” The one named Victor was suddenly in front of him, touching his shoulder, with these kind, however dark and kinda creepy, eyes.

If this was a normal day, John would smile and play it off.

But today was his birthday, dammit.

Shaking his head, John said, ‘No.”

Behind him, the entire vampire family had pooled, all looking at him with their own dark, kinda creepy eyes. John wasn’t really in a place to judge, though, considering his were probably all puffy.

Victor asked, “Mind if I ask what it’s about?”

“You all are just a really beautiful family.” John sniffled and tried to rub away as many tears as he could. While the honesty felt nice, there was only so much shamelessness his very embarrassing soul could handle. “I think I got a little jealous.”

“Well, if you want, you can come join us for midnight mini-golf. The night has just started for us, and it’s our little girl’s birthday. The more the merrier.”

John couldn’t help but laugh. “Mine, too.”

“Even better!” Victor stood up and offered John a hand. He took it.

As they passed the rest of the group, Valentino was rounding up the kids, Bastian was knuckling away a tear, and Bertrand was frowning. But it was the kind of way someone frowned when they knew they were about to be forced to enjoy something that they totally would enjoy, but hated to admit it.

With a knowing smirk, Victor asked, “Coming to mini-golf, Bertrand? It’s Desi and this young man’s birthday, after all.”

Bastian added, “I won’t be so completely annoyed with you anymore if we do.”

Bertrand scoffed in defeat. “Fine.”

And then John followed the roomful of vampires to mini-golf, and chose to actively ignore the fact none of their reflections showed up in any of the water features and the liquid in their water bottles was red. It was easier to focus on the way they all smiled together under the moonlight.

Tonight was his birthday, and he was going to enjoy it with a real, live family (sort of).

He’d call Ava in the morning. They had a lot to talk about.

#Drawfee #Drawfee fanfiction #A Room Full of Vampires #fanfiction #I'm sorry #family angst

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platypanthewriter · 4 years

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Keg-king Chapter 4/7(?)

for @ihni, in hopes it makes her smile

Once they had Harrington’s bleeding mostly stopped, Buckley glanced at Billy—he waved her away—and turned to Carol, who yelped at Buckley’s single-minded yank at her torn shirt. Carol flushed as Buckley wiped at her shoulder, and cleaned gravel out of her arm, and checked under her hair where blood smeared her neck. When she was done, she seemed to abruptly realize she’d torn Carol’s shirt half asunder, and muttered red-faced as she yanked at her jacket and threw it around Carol’s shoulders. Carol tilted to lean against her, and Buckley shoved her off, flailing a hand at her, but Carol just laughed and dropped her head against Buckley’s shoulder. Harrington had gone quiet, his head on Billy’s thigh, and Billy ran his fingers through the man’s wet locks as he watched Buckley and Carol mutter to each other, and snicker.

Billy raised his eyebrows, glancing over at Thomas, who was glaring back at him.

As they neared the dock, motion came visible through the fog. Little Will Byers was there, held firmly by his mother, both of their nightshirts soaked through in the pattering rain. “Take me back,” he yelled hoarsely. “She is searching—”

Nan Wheeler bounded from the ferry to the dock, kicking off so hard the ferry slapped back against the water, and put her arms around them. “Unload,” she called. “I’ll help her hold him.”

“She wants her child!” Will shrieked, and Ms. Byers shouted, “No, Will, you’re mine—”

“Quickly, now.” Buckley steadied them with her oar against the dock. “Hargrove—can you take Harrington home?”

“Gladly.” Billy looked up at her steady feet and set jaw. “I—should I—”

“We’ll send a healer.”

“I can take him.” Thomas stomped close, and Steve’s horse flicked her ears, huffing.

“Go for the healer, or go to Hopper, he needs to hear the dire tidings,” Buckley shot him down in mid-bluster, and Billy lowered his head to hide a grin.

Harrington squeezed his hand.

Thomas grabbed Carol’s arm, shouted something about the healer, and stomped to the edge to leap the gap.

Once they tied off, Billy scooped Harrington up entire, though he protested he could walk. He couldn’t, as Billy and Buckley learned while trying to tip him upright so Billy might swing up onto Mairead. The horse kept trying to turn and inspect Harrington’s torn leg (an impulse Billy had to respect), but they finally managed, with Billy hauling and Buckley boosting Harrington from below, to get the man settled sideways against Billy’s shoulder. Buckley tied Harrington’s reins to Mairead’s saddle, and Harrington took a few strained panting breaths against Billy’s neck.

“Which way,” Billy asked against his hair, switching the reins to his left hand so as to hold Harrington secure.

“D’n—down the—just keep going,” Harrington grunted. “Big house.”

They rode along the river. It seemed to Billy that it had been lower, before, not this roiling mass of white water and silvery crabs, and he kept an uneasy eye on it. “That...the Nuckelavee,” he said, stumbling over the odd syllables. “It can’t follow? It can’t get to the town?”

“...it can’t,” Harrington mumbled into his shoulder, then sighed, rolling his head to talk into the air instead of Billy’s shirt. “It can’t, but other things can.”

“The water-horses?” Billy asked.

“...and other things. I don’t—” Harrington paused to swallow, his voice shaken. “—one of my friends sought a favor only a fortnight ago. It was a—an easy thing, for them, and they granted it for only the price of rare flowers. Why—”

“What was the favor?” Billy asked, and Harrington paused.

“Ah. Well, it—it—you know how—sometimes—” he said, then hrrrm’d.

“...yes?”

“Sometimes—sometimes a, ah, a person—a person is born who is a boy or a girl—”

“Often,” Billy couldn’t help interjecting, fascinated.

“Stuff it,” Harrington muttered. “They’re—it’s a mistake, you know? They look like one, when it should be something entirely—”

“And the...fair folk...changed how they looked?” Billy asked, pulling Harrington closer as the rain soaked their clothes.

“It was—it was kind,” Harrington sighed. “We’ve always—we don’t know what to prepare for, now.”

Mairead wasn’t the smoothest ride, but she paced along steadily even after a day of climbing mountains and running from monsters. He told her she was very brave, and her dapple gray coat was lovely, and when they arrived he would not rest until he had depopulated the county of dandelions and daisies for her voracious and sinister appetite, and Harrington laughed against him.

When the road split into two, divided by a thin belt of green, he veered to the side and rode along under the dogwood trees, blooming like burst feather pillows. Mairead puttered along until they came to a stone house, tall, with wide windows, and a statue of a deer drinking from the fountain, and Billy held Harrington tighter, in case he tried to get down on his own.

“...that’s just the gatehouse,” Harrington muttered, and Billy nearly tugged Mairead to a stop, then turned to continue along the way.

“Do you live in a castle—” he hissed, as they passed through gates taller than the trees, barely visible in the massive hedges, and Harrington cleared his throat, shifting.

“...didn’t you ask about me? Tommy said—”

“Max asked around.” Billy nodded, leaning his head to try and see around the bends in the road, and swallowed back a wash of guilt. “She told me you risked your life to save two children, not of your own family, and I could see you teasing the girl into a smile.”

“Nobody said, ‘he owns Harrington House, he has tens of thousands of pounds a year,’” Harrington mumbled against his shoulder, and Billy bit his lips together, considering his story.

“You were wearing fine silks to hunt monsters,” he said aloud. “Either the mark of a spendthrift, an idiot, or a man with no worry about affording shirts; and at the ball they spoke of you with smiling respect. You rode a mass of woolens like the rest of us—”

“Mairead, he’s insulting you,” Harrington whispered. She flicked an ear.

“—but your tack was fine indeed, new, and some of it gilt—”

“—it was very fine, I thought,” Harrington sighed.

“And,” Billy said, and kissed Harrington’s hair, tightening his embrace as they rounded another turn up the long hill, and squinting through the orchard wondering whether there was a house at all, “—you have a rather gaudy new watch, not monogrammed, with a hart on it; I can only imagine because of Wheeler—”

Harrington’s face felt hot against his neck. “Mercy.”

“—and from her face, I think it was not a gift from her. To her, perhaps—”

“Mercy, man!” Harrington grunted with pain as he pushed away enough to lift his head and kiss Billy, who made a noise less dignified than he’d have liked. “Is this the only way to shut you up? Why were you studying me?”

Billy licked his lips, considering whether to say something more to bring the color up in Harrington’s cheeks, in hopes of another kiss. “You are a fine dancer,” he whispered, trying for a kiss, which Harrington allowed, then gathering the man back against his shoulder. “I could not look away, well before I knew your name,” which was true enough, “—but I mislike your sweaty pallor; let us get you in a bed, and I’ll fetch a doctor, if one hasn’t come.” He squinted again through the blooming apple trees. “Is that it?”

“That’s the cat’s house,” Harrington mumbled against his neck, then slowly heated again, until his skin felt like it would leave a brand on Billy’s neck.

“...the...cat’s house?” he asked, already smiling.

Harrington groaned. “When I was a child—”

“So, last week.”

“Brute. When I was very, very small, I desired that the cat might stay with me, in my rooms, so as to have some company in the night.”

Billy bit his lips, brows drawing together as he imagined a lonely Harrington, inviting the cat. “They wouldn’t allow it?!”

“The cat did not want to stay; she had an appointment with the groundskeeper’s fireplace, and beef stew. So I was told she had her own home to go to, and I—I, quite frequently, would visit the ‘cat’s house’.”

“During polite hours,” Billy said, and then his throat closed inexplicably; he cleared it, tucking Harrington’s head under his chin. “Leaving your calling card.”

“I did not leave a card,” Harrington snorted, shifting to slump more easily against Billy’s chest, and sliding a cold hand inside his jacket.

“Do you have a cat now?”

“Oh,” and Harrington’s hand slid up and down Billy’s ribs, “—no, I—I never thought to ask for one.”

“They never thought to give you a kitten? Is—” Billy narrowed his eyes through the trees as they came over a little rise, and finally the House loomed before them. “...it’s a castle. You live in a castle.”

“It’s not!” Harrington huffed. “There’s an old keep, in the center, but it’s just a wretchedly massive house.”

“How do you live there?” Billy asked, keeping his voice teasing, but sliding out of his jacket to wrap Harrington’s shivering shoulders. “Start a circuit through with your morning tea, round the second floor after lunch? Can’t let the—” He waved a hand. “—east wing get jealous of the kitchen—”

Harrington snorted, sliding his arms around Billy’s waist. “That was my parents’. After my father died at sea, my mother, uh, she left for London. It’s locked.” His voice was muffled against Billy’s neck. “My rooms are next to the library. My father wanted to…”

“Hrm?” Billy prompted, and Steve shook his head, sighing. The enormous doors made Billy feel they were visitors from Lilliput. “I feel like Tom Thumb,” he said into Harrington’s hair. “Will someone meet us?”

“I have keys in my saddlebag,” Harrington mumbled, and Billy steadied him against the saddle.

“Will you fall?”

“No,” Harrington said, swaying, and Billy raised his eyebrows, and frowned around. “I’m fine.” Harrington pushed an inch or so back from Billy, his jaw set, and Billy forgot about the keys, and kissed him.

“—ah.” He remembered his goal, as Harrington shivered, but leaned to press another couple of kisses to Harrington’s jaw.

“The doctor’s going to arrive and find us standing here in the drive,” Harrington whispered, grinning, and Billy kissed him again.

“I’ll get down,” he murmured against Harrington’s smile, “—and catch you. We can send someone out for the horses?”

“We can ring the bell,” Harrington grunted, knuckles whitening as Billy swung down and he clung to the saddle. Billy watched him, then turned to grab their bags, filled with a wriggling sickness as he felt in Harrington’s for the keys. By the time he had the bags slung over his shoulder, Harrington was shaking, leaning forward to prop himself against his horse’s neck. Billy nearly dropped it all again running to grip Harrington around the thighs, steadying him as he tipped forward and slid down, then manhandling him until his face was against Billy’s shoulder again, Billy’s other arm under his thighs.

“My hero,” Harrington snorted, slumping against him, and Billy laughed, kissing his hair, gently enough for him not to notice.

The journey to Harrington’s room was long, for which he apologized, at first, before he started asking questions.

“Why are you doing this,” he mumbled, and Billy stopped, panting, at the top of the stairs, and tromped over to a loveseat that appeared to be mostly gilt. It creaked as he dropped into it, freezing at Harrington’s swallowed moan.

“Any one of us today would carry you up these three stories,” Billy told him, sidestepping the question, and Harrington laughed. “They’d have to sit down on your embroidered cushions, here—”

Harrington snorted, his cold hands shaking around Billy’s neck. Billy kept whispering into his hair.

“—and they’d curse you for weighing as much as your horse, but they’d carry you up another three stories, and another—”

“My house isn’t that huge,” Harrington said, smiling, and Billy leaned to kiss his forehead.

“And up the beanstalk, and into the castle of the giant—” he announced, getting into the spirit of the thing, “—and fight him—”

“Fight my own giants,” Harrington whispered.

“Are you saying you can walk?” Billy asked, running his fingers through Harrington’s hair, and wishing he hadn’t, quite fairly, sent the single responding servant to mind the horses, instead of running to see what devil was delaying the doctor.

“Why did you come back for me,” Harrington asked, for about the seventieth time, and Billy groaned, swallowing back an honest answer that it didn’t particularly matter, what happened to Billy Hargrove.

“Because I’m Prince Charming,” he answered, hoping the guilt didn’t show in his face. It must not have, because Harrington leaned his head back for a kiss.

“You could have died,” he whispered.

“So could you,” Billy sighed.

While they waited for the doctor, Billy got Harrington settled in his room, somewhat bandaged him up, and stuck some pillows under his leg.

“...I’ll be fine,” Harrington said, watching him.

Billy dunked the handy towel in the shaving basin, and wrung it out, returning to wipe at Harrington’s face. “Is that blood yours?” he asked, biting his lip as he dabbed above Harrington’s eye.

“Maybe,” Harrington returned, smiling, then wincing, so Billy leaned in to kiss him.

“Does it hurt here?” he whispered, brushing his lips over the bloody side of Harrington’s mouth. He could feel the man grin, and then flinch. “Stop smiling,” Billy told him, watching Harrington fight a laugh. “...that’s not a good way to test for injuries.”

“Stop making me smile, then,” Harrington mumbled against his face, and Billy kissed the spot between Harrington’s eyebrow and hairline, where he’d wiped it clean.

He dabbed down Harrington’s whole face, following with kisses. He could feel Harrington’s face heat. “Are you clean yet?” he whispered.

“Not remotely,” Harrington laughed. The scrape along the side of his face flexed, and bled again, and Billy leaned in to kiss him.

“Do you want me to sponge you down?” he asked, flicking his tongue over Harrington’s lips, and Harrington snorted, snickering.

“No, you—” He smiled up, wide-eyed. “—you’re going to stay with me?”

“You can’t walk.” Billy ran his knuckles along Harrington’s cheek, and Harrington grabbed his hand, laughing.

“I—it’ll be only a short while,” he protested, but his smile was so wide, Billy had no difficulty in answering correctly.

“Are you ordering me to leave your side,” he whispered, stroking Harrington’s fingers, “—liege of my heart?”

Harrington cackled, then groaned, paling, and squeezing his eyes shut, and Billy’s hand. “Oh, don’t,” he begged, gasping. “Save your charm for when I can laugh.”

“I’m mortally offended you’d laugh.” Billy kissed his hand, biting his own lip in concern. “You’ve certainly forgone poetry, you...uncouth barbarian. There will be no serenades.”

“...you sing?”

Billy paused, cocking his head. “...when the spirit moves me,” he answered, “—by which I mean the spirits in my flask—”

“So, you sing badly.” Harrington’s smile widened again. “A drunken yowl.”

“Like a cat,” Billy confessed, untruthfully, to see Harrington’s eyes sparkle again as he attempted not to laugh.

“Oh, no,” he whispered, closing his eyes again. “Do not tease me, mercy.”

“Shall I let you sleep?” Billy asked, tucking a bloody hank of Harrington’s hair back and behind his ear.

“No,” Harrington whispered, flapping his hand out, grasping Billy’s tightly. His hand was cold, and felt damp, and Billy covered it with his other hand. “No, I take it back, speak.”

Billy bit his lips, then pressed them to Harrington’s hand. “As you wish, my liege.” He looked around for something to comment on, and found too much. “This was...the nursery? Play with the jack-in-the-box often, do you?”

“Usually I let you do it,” Harrington whispered, and opened his eyes, rolling his head to take in the dusty shelves.

“Maybe later,” Billy told him, squeezing his hand. The toys were the kind he saw in shopfront windows—clockwork monkeys, armies of tiny soldiers with cannons, and a theater with a real curtain, his height, in the corner. There was a dusty atlas on the window seat, left open, and small, perfect sailing ships, with anchors and rigging. On top of the shelves was a dragon ship nearly six feet long, and Billy considered the ladders and servants necessary to get it down, wondering whether Harrington had often laid in bed, wishing to play. “Looks like you could summon an entire armada.”

“Oh, I could,” Harrington laughed, and winced. “Tommy would rouse the staff, and we’d take them down to the pond, and he’d tip me in.”

“I’ll tip him in, with interest,” Billy offered, leaning to the side to see the dragon’s face. “Is that Gauvin? Max would talk of nothing else but that woman and her dragon, on our journey—” Harrington bit his lip, then stuck his tongue in his cheek, looking like an idiot, and Billy laughed. “She caught your imagination as well,” he said, smiling up at the ship. “How old were you?”

“...young,” Harrington admitted.

“Did you buy a fancy hat?” Billy asked, his grin widening. “Did you carry a toy sword and gun?”

“I...named my pony Gauvin,” Harrington said with a grimace. “And yes.”

“Do you still have the hat?”

“Somewhere,” Harrington replied, and sighed, watching him. He snorted softly, then asked, “Would...you like to hear the story of Jacqueline de Corriveau, the pirate queen?”

“I would, absolutely, yes,” Billy said, turning to face him, but he shook his head, pointing.

“The magic lantern,” he said, waving his arm at a low shelf with a handled case on it.

“You have slides about her?” Billy squeezed Harrington’s hand one last time, and lowered it, before walking over and hefting the case. “...and a spare horse in here?”

“I couldn’t lift it, so I used to just leave it on the bed,” Harrington admitted, and Billy’s lips thinned, his theories about tiny lonely Harrington seeming likely.

When he placed it next to Harrington, he tried to jar the bed as little as possible. Still, Harrington grunted, his jaw working. Billy bit his lips together, clenching his fists to avoid patting uselessly at Harrington’s leg, and Harrington glanced at them, and smiled.

He cocked his head, biting his lip, and raised his eyebrows, and Billy leaned in closer for a kiss. He rolled to his stomach, half on top of the magic lantern case, so as to lick more deeply into Harrington’s mouth.

Billy had the feeling no one had taken their time, courting Harrington—he certainly wasn’t, fearing the onset of common sense on Harrington’s part—but he had a few hours to spare to make sure someone was properly appreciating Harrington’s mouth, and the shift from startled to sly in his grin.

When he started to pant, his lips red from Billy’s, and squirm against the bed, Billy slid a hand down and under the edge of Harrington’s trousers. “No—no, wait,” Harrington whispered, and Billy pulled his hand back.

“Does it hurt?”

Harrington glared at him, teeth clenched.

“I can tug your jack-in-the-box later,” Billy whispered, kissing his forehead.

“Wait, I—I can—” Harrington flapped his hand over, and Billy laughed, kissing him again.

“You can’t,” he whispered against Harrington’s mouth, biting at his lower lip, and letting it pull through his teeth.

Harrington groaned, twitching. “I could at least—I can—”

“Mmm,” Billy hummed back, leaning his face into Harrington’s neck. “Tell me about the Pirate Queen.”

Harrington laughed, trailing off into a pained mutter. “Bastard. Tempting— devil.”

“That is all true,” Billy ran his thumb along Harrington’s side, and he made an undignified wheezing yelp, and then a growling moan, like a stuffed toy.

“I changed my mind,” he muttered, red-faced.

Billy leaned to whisper against his hair. “Show me your magic lantern show.”

“Set it up, then,” Harrington muttered back, and Billy scooted down, grimacing at Harrington’s hiss at the movement of the bed. He opened the case on a marvel of brass, copper, and glass lenses, lifted it out, and Harrington reached over to tap it to life. A flame leapt up inside, like the lanterns heading up the mountain, and Billy jerked back, then leaned in, squinting through his fingers.

“It’s not hot.”

“I’m not allowed to set my room on fire.” Harrington patted the case, straining, and Billy tipped it towards him. Seeing Billy’s raised eyebrows, he huffed. “There—was reason.”

“...what are cannons for, after all.” Billy nodded, eyeing the tiny soldiers, and Harrington smacked a slide into his hand, choking on a laugh.

“I knew you’d understand.”

The slide barely showed on the shelves, and Billy frowned over, then clambered gingerly off the bed to roll down a screen. It showed, shakily lettered, Being A General Hiftory Of The Remarkable Actionf And Adventuref of P Y R A T E Jacqueline de Corriveau . He stopped, then slowly turned. “Harrington.”

“Never mind,” Harrington muttered, grabbing another pillow, and pulling it over his face.

“...Harrington,” Billy whispered, circling the bed to crouch at his side. “Did you make these slides? You wrote that, didn’t you.”

“Let me die,” Harrington moaned into the pillow.

Billy turned to regard the screen. “Harrington. I’ll tell your future lovers you build a man up, then leave him like this. Leave him hungry.”

“I should have shoved you off the raft,” Harrington muttered, then grimaced, sitting up enough to tuck the pillow under his head. “Fine. Come over here.”

“Anything, my pirate king, pirate king,” Billy sang, watching Harrington’s cheeks flush as he rattled through the slides.

“Do you know the story of how she—”

“Hold up,” Billy said, waving, and drew his keepsake out of his shirt, pointing its aperture at Harrington. “—Max will want to hear this.”

Harrington just looked at him for a long second, then pulled out a slide. “...do you know the story of how she acquired her dragon, Gauvin?” Billy grinned, waiting, and Harrington’s mouth quirked. He cleared his throat. “...you know her beginning.”

“She was kidnapped—” Billy answered, but Harrington huffed a laugh.

“Not exactly.” He handed over a new slide, and Billy fished out the previous, half expecting it to be hot. The new one was a child’s drawing of a ship—three-masted, and a beach, with a line of...people? Billy squinted at the art.

“Enough skulls, you think?”

Harrington made a face at him. “It was kidnapping, but it was also a different crime, called slavery. Selling people to be chained up, and forced to work for no pay, until they died. Their children, after them.”

“What?!” Billy stared, the childish picture no longer quite as amusing. “Who would—”

“First, the slavers took her friends, while she protected her family. Then, they took her family, while she hunted for her friends. Finally, she let the twenty strongest capture her, to find out where they were going,” Harrington said, handing over another slide. This time it was a woman in a huge tricorner hat, punching the air, while a bunch of bodies flew away from her fist. “But she wasn’t fighting hard, because she wanted to know where they’d taken everyone…” he trailed off, and Billy turned to crawl closer, when another slide smacked into his hand. It was two women this time, holding hands high in the air, one in the hat, the other with a hook hand. “She freed the captives on the ship, and asked about her friends, and her family, and learned they—they had already gone.”

“Harrington,” Billy whispered, eyeing his leg. “Maybe you should rest.”

“Some of the captives agreed to come with her. To steal the ship, and rescue their families,” Harrington said doggedly, and handed over another slide—a fleet of ships, with faces. Billy covered a grin at the now-familiar cutlass-waving hat wearer standing on the biggest one. “She did not find her family first, or second, but by the time she did, she was the Pirate Admiral of a fleet of ships taken by slaves, and in less than a year, there was no safety for slavers in the waters between Europe, and Africa, and the Americas.”

“Good.” Billy raised his eyebrows, shaking his head. “How could—surely that wouldn’t work well? Someone would find them, and rescue—”

“It made money,” Harrington said, laughed sharply, and paled, clenching his teeth. “The right people looked away. But she made herself the Pirate Queen, and she was—she didn’t care where they were going, she freed them. The slaves to pick the Queen of England’s tea, even, headed to India. And—she made powerful people angry.”

“They knew?” Billy whispered, accepting a new slide, of a fleet with frowning little faces, surrounding her ship, alone, surrounded by angry clouds and lightning. She held the cutlass outstretched, standing on top of her main mast.

“She had the first captain’s cutlass, still, and—” Harrington paused to take a deep breath, and Billy watched him, biting his lip. “—he was an evil man. He had—the things she had seen on that ship haunted her, and the cutlass was always, always cold. So she held it up, and she yelled for the Devil.”

Billy waited for the slide of the Devil, hearing her call, but Harrington didn’t move.

“She yelled for him, and she said, ‘Devil! I have here the most evil that there is in this world, why don’t you take it?’” The bed squeaked as Billy leaned in, and Harrington smiled at the box of slides. “She lit the fuse to her barrels of gunpowder, and then the Devil came, and he said, ‘Why didn’t you wait for me? You’ll die too.’ She said, ‘That doesn’t matter.’ He said, ‘Ask and I’ll save you,’ and she said, ‘You aren’t anybody I’m wanting to owe a favor, boy.’”

The cadence of Harrington’s voice had changed as he remembered the familiar words, and Billy leaned his chin on his hand, wondering whether it had been a book, or a particularly grisly bedtime story.

“‘A wager, then,’ said the Devil.” Harrington growled for the devil-voice, and Billy felt his cheeks getting tired with smiling, as he accepted a slide that turned out to be her, her cutlass in one hand, and what might have been a parrot in the other, pointing both at a frowning imp that seemed to be floating in midair, slightly crooked. “‘Flip a coin. You lose, and you enter the briny deep. You win,’ he said, ‘and I save you, your treasure, and your life.’”

“Not a bad deal,” Billy whispered, not wanting to interrupt, and Harrington shook his head.

“It was a good deal. She flipped it, and as it flipped, she saw it change to heads on both sides, for that’s what she had called—and she was more trouble on Earth than the Devil wanted in all of Hell.”

Billy covered his mouth against a full belly laugh, and Harrington smirked, turning the next slide in his hand.

“He took all the gold, and silks, and cotton she’d taken from the slave ships, and he brought back a great blackness, a piece of Hell itself, and as the fuse burned low, he formed it into Gauvin.” The slide of the dragon’s forming was not dignified, with the crooked floating imp grabbing at the cautious dragon’s big round startled eyes. “She ran up Gauvin’s neck, and it grabbed the best ship amongst them, and shook the slavers out.”

The slide with the intent smoke-dragon shaking a ship in midair, and a load of angry falling slavers, had Billy laughing so hard his lungs hurt.

“Gauvin flew her high, high above the explosion, where they circled, until there were only scraps of wood left. Once she had her dragon, to carry her ship, she rode all around the world, chasing down the last of the slavers with his black flames that can burn underwater. Some of the slavers were...very powerful. It took years, tracing letters. Finding names. And that,” here he handed over a last slide of her on the dragon’s back—Billy wasn’t sure why, from the side of a flying dragon, he could see all of every single appendage—“that is how,” Harrington finished, “—my...father died.”

“What,” Billy choked, scrambling to turn off his keepsake. “What—your—”

“I stopped playing pirate, then,” Harrington told the ceiling. “I thought she might come for me, and my toys, bought with his dirty money.”

Billy grabbed the lantern, and moved it and the slides off to a pile next to the bed, before carefully crawling to lie alongside him again. “...if she comes, I’ll point a parrot at her,” he said, and Harrington snorted a laugh, swallowing hard.

“My hero always.”

“You should rest,” Billy whispered, glancing back out the window, and wondering whether he was going to have to track down a doctor himself. Harrington’s cold hand closed over his, and he settled in to wait.

The clock chimed an hour after Harrington’s eyes had closed, and still Billy sat, stroking his thumb down the side of Harrington’s jaw, and neck, and sliding his fingers through his hair. It chimed another quarter hour, and Harrington rolled his head away. Billy’s side felt cold, without snores pressed into it, and he winced as he tried to uncrick his neck. He sat up, watching Harrington crinkle his nose, then turn farther into his pillow.

Billy waited, lying back on his elbows, for another quarter hour, finally nudging Harrington’s good leg with his foot, but Harrington snored on, and so he sat up, rubbing his face. He sighed, looking at the keys on the desk, then braced himself over Harrington’s shoulder, and pressed stubbly kisses into the soft skin of his neck. Harrington shivered, but didn’t stir, and Billy finally drew himself away.

The keyring was massive. It got him into Harrington’s desk—a dead end, as he’d suspected, but he unclasped his keepsake necklace and swung it over the whole mess he’d made, and it didn’t so much as waver meaningfully. He looked at the ring of keys again, and wiped his hands on his trousers, before walking around to crouch next to Harrington’s side of the bed and pinch his nose.

Harrington snorted awake, flapped a hand out, and yanked Billy’s close, hugging it to his chest, and Billy groaned, dropping his face to the edge of the bed. He leaned there for a while, watching Harrington sleep, before drawing his hand away.

The keyring opened Harrington’s wardrobe, and his bureau—even the small, secret false-bottomed drawer that contained only a tied bunch of lavender, turning to dust. He swung his pendant over it, just in case. That done, he sat back on the floor, and looked out the window, wondering whether he should close the drawers back up, or whether Harrington would wake, and see them, and throw him out. In the end he did, wondering whether Max would be proud to see him preserving the chance at Harrington not finding out. I could lie to him indefinitely, then, he thought, jangling the keys in his hand. Harrington grunted, rolling onto his back, and Billy jangled them again.

Harrington slept on.

Twirling his pendant led to a tug towards the east wing, and Billy ran his fingers through his hair, turning in a circle on the marble. It clacked under his boots, and he wandered over to lean his elbows on the gallery railing, looking out over the front hall, and the chandeliers, and letting the iron turn his stomach sour and his knees to jelly. He dropped his face in his arms, taking a long breath of soot and dust, and then set his shoulders, and went to break into the rooms of Harrington’s dead father.

#harringrove #harringrove bang #platypan #platypan fic #Edwardian romance #Dark fairytale #Swords and sorcery #They're also both idiots #As per usual #Billy wants to steal Steve and carry him home in his baggage #Steve wants Billy and his baggage to stick around #Max wants them to just smooch and get it over with #I remembered a Read More link this time!#Sorry guys!

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bmichael · 4 years

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Pain and Gain

2020-10-14

1 mile, 10:45 pace

::Sets down beige folding chair, turns hat backward, sits down chairback against chest, like a teacher about to get real with you::

Pain is a funny thing.

Mine is the most important thing in the world. Yours might cause mine to increase. Or mine causes yours. In my personal experience, this seems to be the case, at least.

How do people share pain? When they experience the same hurt, right?

Perhaps that’s why I love reading and watching books and movies that depict striving and athletic-type achievement. From your classics like Once a Runner to only tangentially related sports media like Uncut Gems. When you feel the same hurt of the athlete (or athlete-proxy gambler, say), you share the experience of pain. Which can be cathartic. Or at least it externalizes a deeply hidden part of yourself that, perhaps in my case who’s to say, you almost never feel or access unless it boils over like an overfilled pot of noodles, spilling scalding water all over your nerves.

It’s such a broad cliche to say that pain makes you feel alive, but it really does, doesn’t it?

Physical pain, I felt some of the worst recently when I got stung on the foot. Wearing sandals at the playground, I saw many bees or wasps buzzing around but this one came out of nowhere as I walked from the swings to the slides. The next thing I knew, my foot was a ball of pain. The pain didn’t go away for two days. During that first day, it was such an intense and constant companion that I didn’t think about cutting my foot off, but I thought about how if it went on for very long I would definitely start thinking about it.

The other big physical pain I had recently was from a skateboarding accident (lol) trying to get back into things, during the peak of the onset of quarantine on a chilly May night. Luckily I put on a bright orange fleece, literally the only smart thing I did. I was just zipping along, getting a feel for a new Pennyboard I’d just got, when I hit something. Like a patched piece of asphalt or something, and you can tell I’m getting quite old, the next thing I know I’m on the ground. I can’t move my legs. I’m paralyzed.

What had happened was, I had many years ago hurt my neck doing something really stupid (this is a life theme of mine) and now this evening I landed back-of-neck-first somehow right on the spot I had apparently injured. I bruised my spinal cord and shifted some discs. Then, an all-night stay in the ER (during the peak of the onset of quarantine, mind you) getting first an MRI then a CAT scan wearing a neck brace, unable to sleep. After a few hours, I wasn’t really scared anymore. I had a good idea I wasn’t going to be paralyzed, at least. But it was emotionally a lot.

Cut to, the next day. We used to do mid-week family trips to the grocery store. This accident of mine happened on a Tuesday, so the next morning I drove us to Wegmans. My whole upper body ached so much, but it was really hard to tell what was making what hurt. See, a few weeks before THIS, I had not-quite but sort of dislocated my shoulder, or at least really fucked up a shoulder that had been previously dislocated many times but had been pretty well healed up for 7+ years at this point... jumping rope. So that shoulder hurt. My neck hurt. My back hurt. From the waist up, I hurt all over.

Time passed, and the acute pain basically went away, but I’d get awful nerve-y pain and feelings on runs. I went for a relatively fast run like a couple days after this accident (at the time, I had a plan to run 1,000 miles in 2020 and had already taken a few week-long stretches off). Well, running now presented some new problems.

Because of the previous neck-type injury I mentioned above, I’d sometimes get a juddering not-quite-pain but very unpleasant feeling in my neck if I tilted my head up the wrong way while running, say. Now, I got a similar pain if I turned my head to the left. And often, I’d get a heart-throbbing pain-type feeling, like a psychedelic nervey type of pain in the middle of my chest (the MRI only went down to the nape of my neck, and I think I may have fucked up myself a bit further down, too, but who knows), radiating outward.

It felt like rainbow knives running against the grain of the inside of my back and chest muscles.

Well, this really sucked. I’m happy to say that by like the end of summer all of this pretty much went away, knock on wood. Either the nerve endings died or my discs started returning where they belong, or I’m one wrong step away from dying or being paralyzed. Who knows! My way is to not question it until it’s way too late.

Fun side note: After I fell down and couldn’t move really, I was of course in the road. Not the very middle, but like way more in the road than you’d want to be at like 9pm on a dark night. The first car I saw crested the hill I had been going down, and I start waving my arms and screaming bloody murder. Luckily, they see me and kind of pull over. I ask the woman who rolls down her window to call 911, which she does. And then I ask her to come out and stand next to me so I don’t get run over, which she does not. She says she has an autistic child in the car and they’re having a hard time. Someone else also stops at this point, and he also won’t stand like next to next to me, but he kind does. Perhaps it was the covid or just the utter bizarreness of the scene. A grown man, lying in the road, unable to move, in the middle of the night during a very strange time in everyone’s life.

I haven’t really reflected on this too much, other than to occasionally get mad at myself or at “life” or whatever. I do try to stay grateful for my ability to do things right now that certainly seemed up in the air just a few months ago.

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

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Survey #271

“some of those who work forces are the same that burn crosses.”

Do you cook on the stove at all, or just microwave? I just use the microwave. I'm scared of the stove lmao. Do you ever debate religion with your friends? Bruuuh no. I am so disinterested in debating about something that to me ultimately doesn't matter yet humanity has made so serious. Whatever happens after we die, happens, there's that. Just be a decent human being and go out knowing you did your best to make the world better than when you entered it. Do you keep your shampoo in the shower or someplace else? In the shower. Something your mother said or did that shocked you: Like... recently? Or in my entire life? I dunno about recently, but I guess the most shocking to me was when she vehemently called my sister something I won't repeat. Did your mom go to college? She was before the cancer. Ready to graduate, too, but that didn't go as planned thanks to, y'know, cancer. Which food do you think you have the most cans of in your cupboard? Good question, no clue. I don't really pay attention to the canned foods. Maybe fruits? Do you save fortunes from fortune cookies? No. Are you offended when Christmas is spelled Xmas? Nah. Where do you put your keys when you come home? In my purse. Describe your favorite mug or glass to drink from? I don't have one. That I use, anyway. Sara gave me a Markiplier quote one that's a Holy Item on my shelf and instead of holding a beverage holds All My Love. Your bad habit that you love the most: UGH I hate how much I love soda. Invent a pop tart flavor: STORY TIME!!!! As a kid, there was this contest to design a type and you won like... a fucking huge supply of the newest flavor, which was at the time that wild berry whatever thing. My sister and I made one that I think I recall being pink with heart sprinkles and strawberry flavored, and we won. Guess who fucking hates the wild berry flavor now lmao. Okay but anyway if I was to invent one now... is there a BLUE raspberry flavor? Cuz a bitch loves blue raspberry flavored everything. Do you name your pets after tv/movie/book characters: Sometimes. I don't currently have a pet that is, though. Are you proud of yourself for what you've accomplished? The few things I actually have, sure? I'm more ashamed of what I haven't. Do you own any sexy lingerie? Nooooo no one would want to see me in that, least of all myself lmao. Have you ever caught a bouquet of flowers at a wedding before? No. Has a horse ever neighed at you before? Uhhh I don't think so? Do you prefer ice cream or sorbet? Ice cream. Have you gotten your pets spayed? My cat is. That's like... the only pet we ever have fixed, sadly. My parents/Mom (depending on time period) could just never afford it. The only real reason we managed to get Roman neutered was because our sister directed us to a cheap on-the-go business where it was like... only $45, and Roman was marking the house badly so it was pretty urgent. Would you ever take in a stray animal? HA, that is the STORY of my family with cats. At this current time, most likely not. We don't need another pet right now, nevermind one of a mysterious background with my mom being sick. When is payday? N/A Have you ever walked on a runway before? No. How long is your workday? N/A Is there a walkway or a pathway to your front door? No. What is your favorite color? What is your least favorite color? Pink is superior to all colors. I'm really not a puke-green fan, but I mean... is anyone? What color dominates your wardrobe? Everything is B L A C K. What color are your eyes? Grayish blue. Are you colorblind, or do you know anyone who is? I'm not, but Jason's brother is colorblind to I think red and blue? Do you prefer color photos or black-and white? It greatly depends on the composition and subject matter of the photograph. I find great beauty in both. If I had to pick though, color usually appeals to me more. Are you one of those people who can taste, feel, or smell colors? No. Have you ever seen a double rainbow before? Yes. Do you enjoy coloring? It tends to be my least-favorite part of the art process because that's where I always fuck shit up. Do you know anyone who is racist? Oh my, PLENTY. Welcome to the South. Are your nails painted any color(s) right now? They never are. Can you lift more than 100lbs? I probably CAN, but it would be very hard. What's your opinion on incest? It's fucking repulsive. Morally and negative from a scientific standpoint, anyway. Do you have a favorite color for cats? Orange. What video games did you play when you were younger? I was a massive gamer as a kid, teenager too, so I could put a hell of a lot here. But, I'll just imagine you're referring to when I was quite young. The Spyro games (save for Skylanders) were my LIFE, I loved Nintendogs, the Crash Bandicoot trilogy, lots of games that were based on movies (like Madagascar and Finding Nemo are two I really enjoyed), uhhh... OH! And absolutely weird, but I loved hunting games. Like, I had a whooole lot, despite hating real life hunting even as a child. I think it was because I got to see wild animals, plus it could be calming to wander and scary, too, when things like wolves found you. Oh, and then there were fishing games, too. LOOK I just love(d) games. Would you ever get a tramp stamp? I hate that nickname. Having a tattoo literally anywhere does not equate you to a stereotype. Yes, because I want to be heavily tattooed anyway. Did you cry when Michael Jackson died? No. Not that I didn't care at all, I just wasn't a giant fan. What's the ugliest species of animal? Lmao how mean. The blobfish immediately comes to mind, though. Looks like a ball of mucus shaped into an old man's face. Are you embarrassed about any songs on your iPod? I used to be, now it's just like whatever. I like what I like. What do you use to listen to music on the computer? YouTube. Do people know a lot about you? Places on the Internet sure do lmao. I try to be much more private now online to a degree, depending on where. Irl, no. I'm too easily embarrassed/afraid of being judged for what makes me, me. Who was the last person you slept beside? Sara. Do you like Metallica? They're one of my all-time favorites and I trust NOBODY who claims to hate them. What's your favorite kind of soup? I'm not a fan of soup. What’s your best friend's favorite band? Her all-time favorite is Pink Floyd. Who was the last person you took a picture with? Ummm idr. Do you play Guitar Hero? Not really anymore, but I fuckin slayed that shit back in the day. Whose house did you last visit? My older sister's. Who was the last person to come to your house? My younger sister. What time do you usually eat dinner? Anywhere between 5:30 to like... 7:00 or so. Have you ever searched your own house on Google Earth? Not this current one, no. Does it bother you when people have a loose grip on hugs? No? Some people don't like hugs. Are you looking forward to next year? I don't know. Is covid gonna be history by then? It depends on a lot of things. What have you done so far this summer? *blink blink blink* What's your favorite punk band? Honestly, I don't even really separate bands by genres now because I don't know. There's so so many, plenty overlap, etc. etc, and people - especially those who enjoy rock/metal stuff, I've found - get all snobbish and "WELL ACTUALLY" when you "misgenre" or whatever. Which is better: cold or hot weather? COLD. FUCK hot weather. Anything above ~75*F is disgusting. Is photography something you enjoy? I'm an aspiring photographer so like- What’s the best flavor snow cone? I haven't had a legit snow cone in years... but we have a place called Pelican's Snowballs, which is really just like... snow cones in a cup? They are A M A Z I N G and strawberry is to die for. When driving, are you a speed demon or do you drive like your grandmother? I don't drive because I'm terrified to. Have you ever met someone who just had you at hello? No. Bet you were expecting "Jason," but no, I was weirded out that a stranger just comes up to me in the hall on the way to class and starts talking to me. Have you ever written poetry? Yeah. Do you have any addictions? Technology, ugh. And soda, rip. When was the last time you just laid and looked at the stars? Laid, many years ago one summer when Jason and I were just lying on the trampoline while my dad was grilling. What song reminds you of an ex? A lot. What color eyeliner do you prefer? Black. What was the last thing that you made with your own two hands? Like, made from scratch? Hell if I know. What’s the deepest water you will wade into? Like, shoulder-deep in the ocean. How many blades does your razor have? Three, I think? Highest grade of education you’ve completed? Just one semester of college. Lowest grade you’ve received on a test? Yikes, Fs in college math. He taught in such an abstract way that I failed like... every test, or nearly did. I was too afraid to ask questions continuously. Do you enjoy sitting in the sun or the shade more? There is NO situation where I would rather be in the sun. Do you enjoy going to arcades? Hell yeah. What parades do you like to go to? None. When’s the last time you went on a tirade? I ranted to Mom about the fucking ridiculous anti-maskers that are a big reason this motherfucking pandemic is worsening in America. With my mom being immunocompromised, it is something I take VERY goddamn seriously. It's not a difference in opinion - it's a difference in morality. Do you like to play charades? I loved to as a kid. Now it'd feel weird. Would you ever lead a crusade? I wouldn't want to lead anything. Have your parents ever forbade you from doing something? Aha, so as a kid, I had a game demo disc that showed the preview to Parasite Eve, and my sisters and I would secretly watch it despite it scaring us to where Mom did forbid us to click on it. And all these years later, I've played it and love it... ha ha. Otherwise, my parents have always been pretty open to letting us do stuff, save for things the usual parent doesn't like, like swearing. When’s the last time someone said something degrading to you? A few days back when I got into an argument on Facebook about some asshole teasing their newly-hatched cobra to where it kept striking at the tongs, hood flared and all. Apparently I had no idea what I was talking about, pointing out the snake was clearly stressed out. What’s the last homemade dish you’ve made? I legit haven't cooked a thing since Sara was here and I made her eggs for breakfast. Which was like, a year ago. Do you like lemonade? What flavor(s)? Broooo YES. Pink lemonade is better, but I enjoy just the classic kind, too. Has anyone ever serenaded you before? Fuck this question. Would you like to visit the Everglades? Lemme see them motherfuckin GATORS. Have you ever attended a masquerade ball before? No. Would be dope, though. Have you lost anyone to AIDS? No, thank god. Have you ever been paid for sex? Hell no. Have you ever had a maid in your home before? HUNNY we are too poor for that shit. Do you know how to do different types of braids in hair? No. When’s the last time you wore a Band-aid? Where and why? I have no clue. When was the last time you were afraid? Of what? A family friend was over here a couple days ago and she had this weirdest muscle cramp in her leg that brought her to the floor gasping for like over a minute. I was super scared, and Mom was too, as we had no idea what to do. I almost had to call 911. Crazy woman hasn't gone to the doctor about it, to my knowledge. Would you ever consider growing your hair out to your waist, or longer? NOOOO NO NO. I am probably having short hair for the rest of my life. Is there anywhere in your house that you're scared to be alone in? No. What is your favorite shoe brand? I don't have one. What weird things did you do as a small child? I was just a weird kid in general. I did a lotta stuff that would make people raise a brow. Who puts the most pressure on you in your life? My goddamn self. Do you laugh off embarrassing moments? Hell no, I turn red as a cherry and probably cry once I'm in private. Do you have a favourite actor/actress? If so, who? No. Do you like little kids, or do they annoy you? I feel uncomfortable around them. They're too brutally honest, I feel like every move I make is wrong, and I just generally feel incapable of handling them properly. Do you want a small or a large family when you get older? Well, I don't want any kids, so... Are you a good dancer? If not, do you enjoy dancing anyways? No and no. I'd be embarrassed. Have you ever lied to avoid getting into trouble? Yeah. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital for a long period of time? I'd say two weeks is pretty long, and I was supposed to stay an entire month. I only got out of that by going to court. Do you take a lot of pictures of yourself, or are you camera shy? I HATE being in front of the camera. What are your choice of toppings on a hamburger? And do you prefer gas or charcoal grilling? I just like ketchup, mustard, and pickles, really. A bit of diced onion is fine, too. I prefer gas; I hate the charcoal-y taste. You are chosen to have lunch with the president. the condition is you only get to ask one question. What do you ask? Fuck that, I'd decline going to begin with. What is your concession stand must-have at the movies? Popcorn, of course. Which do you dislike most: pop-up ads or spam email? Pop-up ads. How long was it from ‘the first date’ until the proposal of marriage? How long until the wedding? N/A What topic can put you to sleep quicker than any other? Probably like, wrestling. Golf. Sports in general. How many times did it take you to pass your drivers test? I haven't tried it yet. If you had to have the same topping on your vanilla ice cream for the rest of your life, what topping would you choose? I always just use chocolate syrup. Would you rather be trapped in an elevator, or stuck in traffic? CHRIST, TRAFFIC. Elevators kinda scare me and I'm very scared of being stuck in one. What are you sitting on right now? My bed. Are you listening to anything? Halocene's cover of "Killing In The Name." Have you parents ever hated one of your boyfriends/girlfriends? No. Who was the last person to give you money? I have no idea. Have you ever dreamed of someone you barely know? Actually yeah. Weird as hell. When was the most recent time, if ever, that you felt “impostor syndrome,” or that you felt unqualified to be somewhere? Hm. I suppose when I went to the doctor by myself for my foot. I'd never done an appointment without Mom at all, and I was veeery clueless to a lot of steps, questions, etc. What are some ways that pop culture has helped you learn historic or scientific facts? Some TV shows, I guess. Or games, even. Have you ever had a job in which you felt that you had nothing to do? What was the protocol in that situation (e.g., surfing the web, taking on the job of co-workers, or pretending to work)? If you have not, do you think it would be lucky or unlucky to have such a job? No. I was expected to always be doing something. I'd consider that to be pretty unlucky, as it sounds boring and pointless. Have you ever intimidated or made another person feel legitimately threatened? If not, do you think that you could ever be seen as scary? I don't know. Mom has admitted me yelling has scared her before, though. I can yell pretty fucking loudly. But she herself never felt threatened. And do I think I could be seen as scary? Yes. Especially given my chronic fucking nightmares that almost always involve confrontation. In what ways do you or would you need to be validated by a partner? (For example, liking your posts/talking about you on social media, or perhaps by doting on you with gifts.) I am VERY much a "words of affirmation" person. I NEED reassurance that I'm adequate and sincerely loved. When you are having a hard time emotionally, what are some of the telltale ways that you act out or that your personality reflects your struggles? I become very snappy and more reclusive than usual. I cry really easily. Do you tend to succeed by weaning yourself off of something or by quitting cold turkey? It depends on what it is, but I've generally needed to wean myself off of things when necessary. Is there a specific type of pet breed/size/etc. that you don’t want? Why not? I am very turned off by animal breeds/types that are subject to serious health issues, such as pugs, dachsunds, Persians, spider ball pythons... Just don't fucking breed them. Ironically, some of these are the cutest, but I care far more about the health of the animal. Have you ever lived in a notoriously dangerous area? If not, would it bother you to do so? Yes and yes. Has a friend’s significant other ever interfered with or damaged your friendship? What about a significant other of yours damaging a friendship? I don't believe so, no. What, if anything, is something that you put pressure on yourself about? What do you imagine would happen if you did not live up to this expectation? Getting a job, for Heaven's sake, and actually managing to keep it. I've proven inept in this area so far, so, I've already failed that. :^) If you have been in a serious relationship, have you and your partner ever discussed lifetime plans that clashed? Did you reconcile them or did you break up? If you have not been in a relationship, what are some issues that would be deal-breakers? Jason and I kinda casually talked about kids early in our relationship, at which time I didn't see myself wanting them at all and he did at some point. It didn't really bother either of us, though; it was something we'd figure out if we actually got anywhere. Then he became the only person I could ever imagine myself having kids with. Life's funny.

#survey #quiz #questions

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

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5,000 questions survey series–part forty-two

These surveys always take me so long to get through, hence why I took such a long break from them. The questions are just too much at times and some are just plain annoying. But, I’ll try and finish it eventually. A couple of you have been taking it lately, so I figured I’d start up again.

4001. How would you rate your sex drive? It’s been non-existent the past few years, honestly. 4002. You are sitting alone with a stack of videos and a vcr. Of the following which are you most likely to puut on (1 is most, 10 is least) I’m just gonna bold which one I’d likely watch out of all of ‘em...

The good the bad and the ugly, dracula, slc punk, twin peaks fire walk with me, jerry springer too hot for tv, singing in the rain, flash gordon, the matrix, blade runner, the muppet movie 4003. Are you more likley to get or send random instant messages? I receive nice messages more often than I receive random ones. I got a rude one recently; however, about how I’m still a 31 year old virgin. Does it affect their life? No. So, don’t worry about it. *eye roll* I do get a lot of random comments on my surveys from su*ar da**ies, though... super annoying. 4004. If you were writing an ad telling people to come to your town what would you say about it? I wouldn’t write such an ad. My town sucks. 4005. What part of your body can you not stand to get an itch on? One that’s hard to reach.

4006. How many people do you suppose have stolen that System of a Down album called 'steal this album'? I haven’t heard anything about that, I’m not even familiar with that album of theirs. I’m there were people who tried/did. 4007. Name a band you like: Linkin Park. What are/were this band's roots and influences? Zeppelin, Run DMC, Public Enemy, Rage Against the Machine, Depeche Mode. 4008. would you rather have a poster of john lennon or a cute fuzzy black cat? Cute fuzzy black cat. 4009. make a public service announcement: Wear a mask! 4010. What makes you feel the need to escape? Just the need for a change of scenery and to help take my mind off things a bit for a little while. I’m sad I couldn’t go to the beach at all this summer because that’s my one place where I’m able to relax at all and just zone out. 4011. You and your signifigant other, crush, interest etc...who is the ernie and who is the bert? I don’t have any of those. 4012. When was the last time you did something and later asked yourself 'did I do the right thing?'? I hate when I forget if I took my medicine or not. I end up taking it, questioning and hoping that I didn’t already take it. I feel so robotic at times and like I’m just living life on autopilot, so things like that tend to happen. 4013. What do you find it hard to say goodbye to? I have a hard time getting rid of things because of my emotional attachment to them. 4014. What is your fantasy valentine's day like? I’ll admit it, it would be nice to experience a Valentine’s Day with someone and actually do something. It’s always been just another day for me. 4015. If you had to have a color for a name, what color would it be? Jade. 4016. Should preference be given to minority students during the college admission process? I think everyone should have the same opportunity. 4017. Sweet wine, fresh crisp appples, bagles with creme cheese and lox...what is the most incredibly luxurious food? I don’t know about those options, but if I were to think of luxurious foods I’d think of like expensive wine, cheeses, fresh fruits, and seafood like caviar and lobster and whatnot. I’m picky so I personally don’t care for fancy foods. 4018. Is there really anything to fear in communism? I don’t know enough about communism and socialism and all that to speak on it. 4019. Best sesame street character: Uhh, Big Bird. most annoying sesame street character: Elmo can be a little annoying sometimes. 4020. feast or famine? I don’t need to overindulge and have excess, I just would like to be able to have food. 4021. Write a poem right here in five minutes or less: Nah. 4022. Do you stay and help clean up after a party? I usually was one to leave early. 4023. Why was the teddy bear named after teddy roosevelt? His name was Theodore, Teddy for short, and apparently while out on a hunting trip he refused to kill a bear and someone dedicated a bear stuffed animal to him and called it Teddy’s Bear. Then it was just called a teddy bear and the rest was history. 4024. What are you the prince or princess of? Uhhh. 4025. Some people think that Christmas should be taken off of public school calanders because it is politically incorrect. What aould you say to this? I say no. It can still be winter break for those who don’t celebrate. 4026. Would you rather go to an excorcism or a step aerobics class? Uh, I think an aerobics class sounds a lot better than an exorcism. I wouldn’t be able to participate in a step aerobics class, though. I’d have to do something else. 4027. Do you believe in spells and curses? No. 4028. What tv show does your family watch together? There isn’t really one all 4 of us watch, but there’s several that 2 or 3 of us watch together. I guess Family Guy or American Dad could be one all 4 of us could watch, although I don’t really care for either one much. 4029. What's on your calander this year? Nothing. 4030. Is anything ruining your life? It has felt that way with my health issues. 4031. How was life meant to be lived? “We were meant to live for so much moreeee.” 🎶

4032. What is your usual breakfast? I rarely have breakfast, but I like breakfast foods like eggs and hash browns. And country gravy, yum. 4033. If you had kids, would you worry about what they did online? Of course. 4034. Will you be maxin and relaxin this weekend? Sure. If not, what are your weekened plans? 4035. Who has the most interesting story to tell: someone who used to fly to asia as a drug trader the ceo of Nike a nyc homeless person a preacher's wife

^^^They all would. 4036. What do you have a bad feeling about? The future regarding this virus. 4037. Do you have a lot to say? No. 4038. If a smallpox vaccine was offered to you, would you take it? Wasn’t that one of the ones given as a baby or child? I should mention I live in the US. 4039. Would you ever work at a kissing booth? No. how about a dunking booth? No. 4040. There is a woman who paints by stripping naked, rolling around in paint and then pressing her body against the canvas. What do you think of her art? I’ve never seen it, but hey do your thing. 4041. Have you ever bought something you saw on tv? Yeah, I mean that’s what commercials are intended to do. However, I’ve never called the number for a product advertisement to order something that way. Like those as seen on TV products. There have been some of those products sold in actual stores, though, that I’ve got like the Snuggie and that Finishing Touch Flawless Razor. 4042. Name a relative: that relative dies unexpectedly. On the same day 9/11 happens. You can either bring back your relative or bring back 1/2 the people who dies on 9/11. What do you do? I don’t like these type of questions. 4043. Have you gone mental? I’ve definitely felt like that. 4044. What do you think of jews for jesus? You word this like it’s the name of a group or something. Okay, so I Googled it and see that it’s an organization. 4045. Has anyone ever tried to 'save' you? Yes. 4046. Quick! picture santa clause in your head... ...Okay. Was he black or white when you pictured him? White. That’s just how I’ve often seen him portrayed. 4047. Would you ever buy a black santa clause? Sure. Santa isn’t real, you can make him look any way you want. 4048. or take your kids to vist a black santa clause? Yeah? why or why not? Santa is Santa. 4049. What do you smell like? I just smell my clothes laundry detergent scent. 4050. What kind of soup do you eat? I’m a ramen girl all the way. 4051. What have you heard about the next Harry Potter book? Will you pre-order it? I know this is old, but I haven’t read any of the Harry Potter books. 4052. Would you rather go out or stay in? I’m a hermit crab. 4053. What's your favorite song to hear on halloween? I like the classics like Monster Mash. Oh, and the Halloween movie theme music for spooky vibes. 4054. What song makes you feel all tingly like you want to laugh and scream and cry? Uhh I don’t feel that way about any song. 4055. If you were starting a website that was not about you, what Would it be about? Nah. 4056. Do you ever take the long way just for fun? I don’t drive. 4057. '..and god said let there be ____and there I was.' Fill in the blank, as if if you were talking about yourself. ‘...and God said let there be Stephanie and there I was.’ 4058. What do you think of when you hear the word 'mill'? A million. 4059. What do you think of when you hear the name: weird al? Parodies. bob dylan? Music. michael jackson? Moon dance. henry rollins? billy idol? White wedding. gary numan? will smith? Fresh Prince of Bel Air. paul mcartney? Black Bird. alice cooper? Rock and roll. J Lo? Jenny from the Block. 4060. What is one social disater you have had? It was really embarrassing getting sick in front of everyone at my party 7 years ago aka the last time I drank alcohol. I just threw up on myself in front of everyone and sat there and my friend had to help clean me up. What really messes me up is that I don’t remember drinking that much, so I don’t know how I got so drunk. 4061. Can you moonwalk? No. 4062. If a presidential candidate went on late night tv, picked up a guitar and rocked out on it and could really play, would that influence you to like/respect them more? I’d probably be like wow that’s cool, but no I wouldn’t let that influence my vote. Them being able to play an instrument doesn’t say shit about their policies or whether they’d make a good fit for the job. 4064. If it was possible for people to instantly change from one sex to another, would everyone be straight in the end? Uhh just cause they could switch their gender it doesn’t change their brain/sexual preference. Would you change your sex? No. 4065. Finish the sentance: nobody broke your heart, if you're alone... I don’t know. 4066. Would you rather have a best friend OR a boyfriend/girlfriend on a Friday night? I’d rather stay at home and do my own thing, ha. 4067. Would a woman rather be complimented about her intelligence OR her looks? Depends on the individual. 4068. Do you tend to think of the right thing to say after the moment is gone? Always. Super annoying. 4069. Would you rather a potential mate have nice hair OR nice legs? Nice hair out of the two. 4070. Okay,…. nice hair OR a nice rack/bulge? I don’t look for a “nice bulge” when I look at guys. 4071. What is one thing you thought you would enjoy, but actually didn’t? Hmm. I’m blanking at the moment. 4072. Be in the spotlight OR in the shadows? In the shadows. 4073. What is your favorite part of the newspaper? I haven’t read a newspaper in several years. When I was a kid I loved the comics, though. 4074. What in your life has been an “acquired taste” for you? Alcohol. I never really cared for it, honestly. I drank because my friends were and felt like that’s what people in their early 20s liked to do. And because it was fun sometimes, though I more often just felt like crap. It’s been 7 years since I last drank and I truly haven’t missed it. 4075. Do you find sunlight makes you happier? No. 4076. If you could conquer one fear, it would be...? I’d take care of some health related things. 4077. What's the dumbest thing you've ever seen someone do or heard anyone has done? There’s been a lot of things. 4078. How do you feel about the fact that J-Lo earns 37 million dollars a year? Is that actually true? This survey is also like a decade or so old. Do you buy anything that contributes to her salary? I haven’t bought any JLO related in several years. Is J Lo the ultimate ideal of what a woman should be? To some people. 4079. What is unforgettable beauty? I don’t know. 4080. Worst fashion mistake EVER: I don’t know or care. 4081. What is your advice to someone on their first date? Ha, I’m definitely not one to ask for dating advice. 4082. Is there a musical performer more ridiculous than Avril Lavigne (I don't think there is)? I didn’t think she was ridiculous. 4083. What is the best: daytime talk show? Dr. Phil. late night talk show? I don’t watch any anymore. 4084. Are you afraid of total freedom? What would that mean? 4085. Do you live in an invisible prison? I feel that way with my mind and health. 4086. Who do you feel distant from, that you used to be close to? I’m not close to anyone anymore outside of my immediate family. 4087. Rate the following song lyrics (1 = you like it the most, 9 = you like it the least). Nah, I really hate the rating questions. Maybe you shouldn't care/throw away those dreams/& dare Eden lets me in/I find the seeds of love/And climb upon the highwire/I kiss and tell all my fears I know the pressure is on/In a race for the life of endless love/If it seems to much/Remember/All these things are endless I see the wind, oh I see the trees/Everything is clear in my heart/I see the clouds, oh I see the sky/Everything is clear in our world Inflatable doll/Lover ungrateful/I blew up your body/But you blew my mind Well I jumped into the river/too many times to make it home/I'm out here on my own/drifting all alone/and if it doesn't show/ give it time/to read between the lines The very thought of you makes/My heart sing/Like an April breeze/On the wings of spring/And you appear in all your splendor/My one and only love now I've had lots of girls/most of them from other worlds/but lookin through the galaxey/the valley girls are the ones for me I'm the dandy highwayman so sick of easy fashion/the clumsy boots, peek-a-boo roots that people think so dashing/so what's the point of robbery when nothing is worth taking?/it's kind of tough to tell a scruff the big mistake he's making 4088. Can you name any of the nine bands/songs above? I didn’t even read any of the lyrics. 4089. What would your reaction be if a total stranger called to say s/he loved you and told you that you were to pass the message on to others in a telephone call you make yourself? Uh, I wouldn’t answer a call from a total stranger first of all and even if I actually did, I would be like wtf and hang up. 4090. Would you like to take a journey to jupiter? No. I have no desire to take any trip to outer space. 4091. Can you crack nuts in your bare hands? I’ve never tried, but I’m going to assume that I couldn’t. 4092. Do you take walks at night? No. Or ever. 4093. Beavis and Butthead or daria? Neither. 4094. Cow or chicken? Chicken. 4095. Do you think you will visit China in this life? I don’t see that happening, but who knows. 4096. Are you having a happy day? No. 4097. When was or will be your 'golden birthday' (when your age is the same as your birthdate, like turning 17 on the 17th)? My golden birthday was 3 years ago. 4098. Enlighten everyone with something profound: Nah. 4099. When has the third time been the charm for you? Hmm. 4100. What is kinda sick, but fun? Uhhh.

#personal #text #survey #surveys #5000 question survey

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thatmultifandomhoe · 5 years

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Strawberry Cream and BBQ - 10

Pairing: Hybrid Hoseok and Human Reader

Overview: Your best friend knows she can count on you for anything, so when she asks you to watch her hybrid while she’s gone for a study abroad trip for four months, you can’t say no. But when these four months are over, things have changed in a way no one expected.

Word Count: 2,676

Valentine’s Day Surprise Update

Genre: Hybrid AU, Fluff, Future smut, Angst, Best friends to Lovers

Warning: Tissues should be on stand by, Angst, Hoseok’s backstory, our lovely Joonie, and an appearance by Mr. World Wide Handsome himself.

Master List

Sneak Peak - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12 - Part 13 - Part 14 - Part 15 - Part 16 - Part 17 - Part 18 - Part 19 - Part 20 - Part 21 - Part 22 - Part 23 - Part 24 - Part 25 (Final) - Move in Day: A SC&BBQ Drabble

“What am I doing?” Hoseok asked himself.

Running a hand across his face, he leaned his cheek on his closed fist, elbow propped up on the black high table he was sitting at with his back to the door.

Shortly after you left, he had been running around to clean up the kitchen. There wasn’t much to do really, but he didn’t want you to come home and see the dirty dishes incase you got back before him.

By the time he reached the café he had five minutes to spare. Dressed in ripped denim blue jeans and a black tee-shirt tucked in at the front, he had his trusty acorn pouch attached at the hip. Usually he would be bundled up, but the café he had asked Namjoon to meet him at was kept warm during the winter, making jackets a pain to carry or wear.

A ding echoed throughout the café and with his ears perking up, Hoseok straightened up and turned to watch Namjoon. Upon inspection, the wolf hybrid’s face relaxed when he saw that the only other people here, including the staff, were hybrids.

That was the other reason Hoseok picked this café, not just because some of the best pastries he ever tasted came from here, but because the owner, Seokjin, was a good friend and a hybrid himself. A Siamese cat hybrid to be specific. While the laws had changed over the last twenty years to make it easier for hybrids to live like everyone else, there were still humans out there who thought hybrids were just fancy pets.

“Hey,” Namjoon greeted Hoseok, taking the empty seat in front of him. “I didn’t know Jin owned a café.”

That was right, sometimes Hoseok forgot the Namjoon was still somewhat new to their group of friends. It had been a year since Namjoon joined them, but it had taken the majority of that time for him to become comfortable with everyone. Hoseok felt like he knew him longer though because they had bonded easier and quicker. He liked to joke and say it was because of the dog genetics that they shared.

“Yeah, it’s kinda where us hybrids meet up for some time without the girls,” Hoseok said, leaning back in his seat.

“I was wondering why he kept saying we needed to get together at Kim Seokjin’s. I just thought he liked talking in third person occasionally.”

Hoseok laughed at Joon’s explanation, having to set his coffee back down so he wouldn’t spill it on himself. “Nope. He’s just really confident.”

Namjoon smiled, taking off the knitted hat he wore, allowing his wolf ears to straighten up again. He left the grey fingerless gloves on as well as the green jacket.

“Did Katie knit the hat?” He asked, noticing the way it looked hand made instead of store bought.

“Yeah, and the sweater I’m wearing too. She likes being able to make me things, and it’s sweet that she does it. Plus, they’re warm too.” Namjoon’s eyes had brightened at the mention of Katie, his owner, even going so far to take off his jacket for a moment so Hoseok could see the cream-colored sweater.

It made Hoseok smile, his mind wandering back to you for a moment. The thought of you wielding two knitting needles made him nervous.

Namjoon had been watching Hoseok’s face though, the corner of his lips lifting as he put his jacket back on. He knew what was happening, had gone through it himself even. Before he could question Hoseok about it, Jin appeared at their table then with a smile.

“Looks like you finally decided to come to Kim Seokjin’s,” he said to Namjoon, setting a clear glass mug down in front of him on a blue saucer.

A chuckle escaped Namjoon as he nodded in agreement. “Yeah, figured I’d come down and see the place.” His eyes glanced around at the small, but homey, café.

The counter was made out of dark oak wood, and the display case had an array of pastries and treats that had everyone’s mouthwatering due to the smells. Behind the counter were all different types of coffee and espresso machines that looked too complicated for someone who didn’t make a living selling coffee. There was a couch on the left side of the building with a few armchairs around a coffee table, the rest of the furniture being high tables. Jin even had floor to ceiling windows with the name, Kim Seokjin’s Café, written in black cursive paint on one of them.

“It’s amazing,” he complimented Jin.

The Siamese Cat hybrid beamed at the compliment, grinning from ear to ear. “Thank you! By the way Joon, that’s Devil’s Blueberry Chocolate Mocha. I have to get back to baking. Enjoy the coffee you two.”

Hoseok waved his hand as Jin walked behind the counter and went through a door, disappearing from sight. Sighing, he wrapped his hand back around his own mug and took a sip of the steaming dark roast, taking a few minutes to collect his thoughts.

Namjoon took advantage of the silence to try the, bizarre coffee Jin had brought him. The name alone had him nervous. At first glance, it looked like a plain black coffee. But when he tilted the mug, the sunlight managed to hit the drink and he was able to see the purple hues. When it finally touched his lips, he was able to taste the dark chocolate. It wasn’t rich or creamy like some mochas tended to be, and upon taking another sip, he could taste the sweetness of the blueberries. Despite its name, it was borderline angelic.

“Jin likes to experiment with his coffees,” Hoseok explained. He had the same thing happen to him when he first came to the café. “To see what works and what doesn’t.”

Namjoon nodded, wrapping the mug in his hand as he sat up. “So, what exactly happened.” He didn’t want to beat around the bush anymore, especially when he was fairly certain he knew what Hoseok was going to ask him.

Hoseok stared down at his caramel colored coffee, chewing on his lip as he wondered if this was some mistake. Maybe he was wrong and was overthinking everything. But as soon as he thought that it died off like a shriveled-up raisin. No, that wasn’t possible either. You couldn’t not be his mate. Your smile alone sent his heart racing while calming him. And every time he had you in his arms, it was like he had the key to understanding everything.

Fuck, he just needed to know. “Is it…is it possible, to know someone for years, and only recent discover that they’re your mate?” He slowly asked, only meeting Namjoon’s gaze at the end.

Only, Namjoon’s face was neutral. It was neither happy or upset and surprisingly, that helped Hoseok to relax. If Namjoon had seemed excited, then Hoseok would start to get his hopes up. If he had looked upset though, Hoseok could only imagine what would happen then.

“Well…it all depends,” Namjoon thoughtfully spoke, shifting back in his seat. “Is it possible though? Yes. Common? Not really. But when it does happen, it usually occurs because the hybrid was going through a traumatic event. It’s like when someone gets hurt really bad and their body goes in to shock, they don’t feel the pain as much until they’re in a safe place and can relax. But once they’ve calmed down and the adrenaline has left the body, they get hit full force with exactly how much pain they’re in.”

Hoseok blinked and was immediately back in the past, more specifically, three years ago. He had been homeless and starving. The Shelters that were created to help hybrids had been overfilled, and it was his fifth shelter in twelve years. Prior to that, he had been left at an Adoption Center when he was twelve years old. And if he went even further back, when he was still a pup, he had been ripped away from his parents and sold to a rich family who wanted a hybrid for their daughter.

Her name was Carly, and she truly was a sweet girl. They had grown and played together, she snuck him sweets when her parents told her not to, and they were as close as possible. Then one night, she mentioned wanting a cat and the next day he was dropped off at a shelter with his backpack hurriedly filled with his belongings. Hoseok didn’t blame Carly though, not once did he think it was her fault. Back then, the two of them had talk about wanting a real pet cat, not a hybrid, but her parents must have thought otherwise.

He stayed at the Adoption Centers until he was eighteen. By then he was an adult and was done with it all. Yes, they provided food and warm rooms, but he was older and known for being transferred multiple times. People didn’t want to adopt a hybrid who seemed to be more of a hassle then he was worth.

For a year, he was on his own. Everything he owned was in the small backpack that had been worn thin over the years. He had slept in parks, ate whatever food he found, and in an effort to blend in with the humans so as to not get sent back to a shelter, he wore hats to cover his ears and tucked his tail either under his shirts or down his pant legs, which hurt like hell at times. Rain or shine, he suffered through it all.

When he wasn’t able to find a bridge or tunnel, he was stuck in the elements. Even after three years, he still dislikes the rain. He hated the memories that were associated with it. Like how it used to soak through his clothes, and the way the wind cut through his body all the way down to the bones. He lost track of all the times his tears mingled with the rain dripping down his cheeks.

Then one day, he woke up to find himself sleeping on a cot in an open room, surrounded by other cots with hybrids on them. One of them had been reading when he woke up and explained everything.

Apparently, he had been found passed out and unresponsive and when they took off his hat, his ears were a dead giveaway. They brought him to the Homeless Center for Hybrids, but they didn’t stick around to see if he was okay. Cold, exhausted, and hungry, Hoseok accepted his fate. This was the life he meant to live.

The Homeless Center for Hybrids not only gave a place for hybrids to stay, but also worked on trying to find new and safe homes for them. It was hard, especially with how so many of them had been mistreated, but the staff only wanted was best for the hybrids. They worked long hours, doing extensive background checks on the new possible owners, and often bought things when the Homeless Center was low on funding.

Hoseok lived there for a year. He watched friends come and go as they got adopted or found ways to support themselves. To take his mind off of his own circumstance, he tended to spend his time over at the Dance Studio that was nearby.

The Dance Studio was extremely inclusive. While they offered classes that required a payment, they waived the fee for those that were unable to afford it, or sometimes even offered the same class but for free if there was a large group of people interested. They didn’t stop there. If the rooms weren’t being used to teach classes, the public was welcomed to come in and use them for their own practice. As long as you shared the same love and passion for dancing and didn’t break anything, it was fine.

That was exactly what Hoseok did. He took the free classes and eventually joined an unofficial street dance group that practiced there. It was the only thing that took his mind off of being homeless.

Then…then Sue came in to the shelter on his twenty first birthday. She was twenty and her parents had recently passed away in the accident. The staff had told him that she was looking for a friend, someone who could help fill up the silence that came with the now empty house. By accident, he saw her. The door opened just as he looked over someone’s shoulder, allowing him to see her for a split second.

She was in the waiting area sitting on one of the green chairs, her head down as she stared at her feet, arms wrapped around her stomach. She had looked so alone and scared, everything he had felt way back when he was twelve years old. It brought out a protective instinct from within that he had obviously pushed down for years.

Hoseok went home with Sue that afternoon. It took a couple months, but once he was comfortable around her, she brought him around to meet her friends and their hybrids. He remembered that day, especially when he met you. The minute he smelled your strawberry cream scent he was hugging you. At the time, you had a boyfriend and he was still adjusting to his new life. Everything was still raw for him back then.

“Hoseok?” Namjoon called out. When the hybrid didn’t answer him, he reached over and shook his shoulder.

Startled from his memories, Hoseok blinked several times in an attempt to refocus his attention. He wasn’t homeless or bouncing around in the Adoption Centers anymore. He most certainly wasn’t abandoned either.

“Are you alright?” Namjoon asked, taking a napkin out of the holder and handing it to Hoseok. “You looked really lost in thought and well… you started crying.”

Silently, Hoseok touched his cheek, surprised to find that his skin was wet with tears. Looking around, he spotted several hybrids uncomfortable shifting in their seats, glancing in his direction every now and then with their ears pulled flat against their heads. “Shit. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”

Namjoon just shook his head, this time placing the napkin in Hoseok’s hand. “It’s okay Hoseok. Really, it is. You just need to take a deep breath.”

“I need Strawberry,” Hoseok automatically corrected, his hand stopping on his cheek as he paused.

The wolf hybrid merely raised an eyebrow at his friend, not surprised with how quick he was to fill in your special nickname for what he wanted. “She’s single now.” He quietly said, watching Hoseok for a reaction. “It’s been three years for you Hoseok. Life has settled down for you. I’m not saying that what happened is in the past, three years isn’t that much time, but it was enough for you to be ready for the next chapter of your life. And this time, it involves her.”

Hoseok held the crumpled-up napkin his lap, trying to think of some happy thoughts to relieve the sadness he had unconsciously projected out to everyone else.

“Take it from a wolf hybrid,” Namjoon gently said, a faint smirk appearing. “We believe our mates were created from Destiny. Sue just so happened be going to study abroad for four months, and you get to stay with your best friend, who’s single. The entire scenario screams Destiny.”

Hoseok scoffed at that, but the edges of his mouth were curling up in a smile. Lifting his head, he licked his lips and looked out the window for a moment. It was still early and you wouldn’t be back from classes for at least another two hours. He drank some of his warm coffee as he sat up. “Well,” he asked, “how do I tell her she’s my mate?”

Namjoon smirked, his features looking more wolfish by the second. When their gazes met, the male hybrids shared a knowing grin. “By making her see that you’re the man she’s always wanted.”

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sunnyborabora · 5 years

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The sound of your beating heart (Sehun x Reader)

As a wave of atrocious murder strike the city you live in, your life is slowly falling apart with the feeling of fear that is taking over every citizen. Happily for you, you can count on your boyfriend Sehun, loyal and ready to protect you. Little did you know, the danger is sometimes closer than what you may think.

Warning: Vampire!Sehun x human! reader; smut, blood drinking, serial killer Au, stalking, violence, assault, angst angst and angst again....

Do I even have any rights after all those months? At least my exams went okay, wish me luck for my finals! This is an old request but here is the Sehun part! This is hella long, please stop me of making complicated angsty plot lgbljabjbjj I hope that the anon who requested it will be happy and that I made up for the long wait. The update should arrived gradually now! Thanks for your support it means so much to me !

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« Y/n, you should go back to your apartment now, before it's too dark. » Your boss told you handing you a little bag with what was not sold during the day. Working in bakery had those type of advantages, you thought taking the bag thanking him. You said goodbye to your colleagues before exiting the shop. It was cold outside as expected of a November month. The bakery was pretty successful in this season, people already were ordering pastry for December's festivities. You were happy to have a lot of work, it was keeping your mind busy not thinking about other things. Times had been difficult lately. Not for you personally but for the city you were living in general. In this normally happy season that should be winter holidays, a gloomy atmosphere had settled down on the entire city. It's been a month or so since the beginning of the murders. The first victim was a homeless woman that was usually seen around the train station. They found her body two days later her «disappearance». No one had actually noticed that she had disappeared which the more you were thinking about the more you were sad about. It had happened to you to talk to her some times. You had started to distribute food and blanket for homeless people last winter and it had open your eyes and mad you aware of them. Nobody really took this murder seriously, the media and the police were avoiding the subject and soon the case was closed. Until the next murder. Another woman was found. She was a single mother of four children who was working in a gas station during the night. The police could not hide anything anymore and soon the media took the news very seriously. There was a serial killer out there killing women during the night leaving their body empty from any blood. From what you knew there has been ten victims in one month. Women of all ages, ethnicity, size. There was no link between any of the victim except they were all women who sadly find themselves at the wrong place at the wrong moment. The bodies were always found near the place of the assault, the victim were never disappearing more than some hours until someone found the body, which did not usually took long because the murderer was doing absolutely nothing to hide them. A new body every two or three days. You weren't really scared of it at first, thinking that police would catch him soon, that he would get what he deserved. But it did not happen. And almost a month later he was still creeping around the city. You had avoided going out at night but it was unavoidable with your work. As it was the case tonight. The winter being here, night was falling way faster that some month ago, and as it was progressing everyone was feeling less and less secure. You were walking as fast as you could, clutching your bag full of sandwiches and croissant. You weren't wearing your headphones because you wanted to be able to hear if someone was trying to sneak behind you. At first, you would just walk in places where there was a lot of people, crowded area being safer. But soon the streets started emptied themselves, letting just a few isolated people roaming the streets at night. And you were now walking all alone in the main street of your city, still fifteen minutes ago from your apartment. You were becoming more and more paranoiac the more you were walking. The silence surrounding you was messing with your mind, and you started hearing footsteps behind you. Your heart started beating fast into your chest, blood leaving your face as the silence become heavier and heavier with every step you were taking. The moment a hand touched your shoulder you jerked off, a terrified squeak leaving your mouth as you tried to escape. « Fuck, Y/n you scared the shit out off me why did you screamed! -You're the one who scared me ! I almost died ! Fuck Sehun, never do that again ! » You were almost crying at this point. But it was only Sehun. « Your boss just told me you left alone. I was hoping to catch up on you before you arrived to your apartment. » He smirked at you, raising his shoulders. That cocky bastard almost scared you to death. You could He offered his arms for you to take, and you do so, needing someone to help you walk, your legs still shaking a bit. « Did I really scared you that much ? » He said mockingly. You laid your head on his shoulder, nodding vigorously. « You idiot, sneaking around innocent people in the middle of the night. » You punched his arm with more rage you intended too. « Ouch ! I am sorry okay ! But I only had good intentions at first I swear ! I didn't wanted to go home alone ! » Sehun was working into a 24/7 shop just in front of the bakery you were working in. You met him three years ago when you started working at the shop as a student job. You had the biggest crush on him for the exact moment you met him. He was the sassy cashier who messed up your order the first time you came at three am to look for food when you were still studying in university. Even if you had the impression you were boring him to death you kept coming back. In fact Sehun was just shy around new people. Once he was used to being near you, he was actually a very sociable person. Now you were dating, if you could call this dating. There was something between you and Sehun, for sure there was, but lately things had been strange. Sehun was acting strange. As this thought crossed your head, you felt him tensed in your arm. « Are you okay ? » You asked trying to look at his face. He was looking behind you. « Yeah this is nothing, I thought I heard something but no. Must have been a cat or something... » You nodded simply. You kept both silence for the remaining walk. You arrived sooner than your liking at your apartment. You had to tear apart from him. « You can't stay right ? » He laughed quietly, interwining your fingers with his. « I already should be back. But hey, I'll be there tomorrow okay ? » You pouted. You wanted your boyfriend to stay with you. You didn't understand why he chose those stupid schedule. « You sure you can't stay. » You placed your hand on his chest, your fingers tracing patterns on the material of his shirt. He smiled before lining toward you. His lips touched yours again and fuck he wasn't ready. Every time you touched him, kiss him he would find himself starving. Starving for you, your skin, your sent, your blood. « How are you even doing this ? » He asked breathing against your mouth. You were happy that you had found a way to make him stay. It's been some times that you had not been with him like this. Just the both of you and fuck you wanted him so bad. You could not resist your boyfriend kissing you as you held him by his neck, deepening the kiss more. His tongue was so aggressive in your mouth, and he was biting your lips, his teeth feeling sharper than usual but you were too far gone to notice anything. « Fuck, Sehun…" You moaned in his mouth as you felt his warm fingers against your throat. He knew your body so well, what you wanted. And you wanted him to go hard on you. You wanted to feel owned by him. Only him. « You know I can't resist you baby. I can't resist you and your sinful body, making me hard just by looking at me. » He said as he pulled away from the kiss. Your clothes were gone faster than you could think about. You couldn't care less when Sehun was kissing you. His mouth was doing things to your body, stimulating spots that you didn't know could be pleasurable. But fuck, him biting at your neck, sucking hard so it will leave marks. He was so entranced by it, you just thought it was some fetish of him not knowing that it was a true torture for him. He loved you, so fucking much. But you were just a walking torture device. He just wanted to dig his fangs into you sucking your blood until he was satiated while he was fucking your cunt making you full. He could obviously not do that. He didn't want to hurt you, he wasn't sure that if he started drinking from you he would be able to stop. Your only sent and taste was enough to make him lost it. “Please, Sehun, don’t stop” You whispered desperately. You were so good for him. You were always so good, taking him so well. But you knew how to get him going. « Please, Sehun, more. -What do you want ? Tell me Y/n. » You moaned loudly when he bit hard on one of your nipple. « Eat me » You cried out, desperate for more. He groaned loudly, thinking you were doing it on purpose. He was going to eat you out so good, because nothing would never compare to your taste. He lifted your legs to place them on his shoulders and spreads your legs to leans down, tongue flicking out, making a quick swipe up your folds. Nothing would never compare to that, to what Sehun was doing to you. He was sucking on your clit, his thumbs parting your fields to let him access to your core. He was eating you like a starved man, juice smeared on his chins and your thighs, making sinful noises that were just turning you on more. « Sehun ! Fuck ! » Your pleasure was building up fast, your limbs starting to shake as your orgasm approached. His mouth was so sharp, his teeth were way more present than usually but it wasn't painful. It felt good, weird for sure, but so good. He licked your juice as he slid two long fingers inside you. You cried out in pleasure as you get closer and closer. « Sehun, yes, oh my god » You panted heavily as you're cumming on his tongue. He grunted against your folds, keeping licking you, collecting your essence on his tongue. It was the moment were your sent was the strongest. « I’m about to fuck you so hard baby » he said, looking at you. He looked wild, platinum blond messy from your hands grabbing it. Eyes so dark, predatory. « I need to be inside you, right now. -Yes, right now » you answered grabbing his shirt lifting it off. Sehun was the most beautiful human you had ever seen. His defined features, his soft even skin. Hi body sculpted like a Greek statue. You could not help but stares, never really ready for this. He kissed you again, still as intense as before. You didn't have the time to noticed that he had taken off his pants, pushing your body into the mattress. He slid himself entirely into you and your back ached out of pleasure. He was long and thick, hitting spots inside you that made you scream. « You always feel so good. So tight » He said as he pulled himself out. You could not talk, words mixing in your brain without any meaning. He slid himself into you again, his hips rolling with ease against your pelvis. His left hand was holding your waist, making your move in sync with his own movement. Sehun was feeling heavenly. You, wrap around him, so wet, so tight. Belonging in this instant completely his. But it was so much, too much, and right now as his fangs were starting to sting his gums. He needed to put distance between your throat and his mouth. He flipped you around, making you ride him. You seemed surprised at the sudden change of position, but the new angle made him hit your cervix, blurring your vision. You may have been far away from his mouth, the vision of you riding his dick, your back arched from pleasure. You lifted yourself to ride his length, trying to pick up a rhythm to meet his own trust. You moaned with every thrust as you held your hands on his chest. His hands on your hips are soon guiding your movement. He was handling your body with ease, not seeming to force on his arms. It was allowing your thighs to rest a bit. Your hands were resting on his chest, your arms squeezing your boobs together as they were bouncing. Sehun was fascinated, he would not be able to look away. « Sehun, I-I m gonna- » You said as his length stretched you out more and more. « Are you, baby ? » He said breathlessly. You let out a faint scream as your orgasm was building up, not able yet to get your release. You kept bouncing up and down your boyfriend as you were almost about to come, overloading with pleasure. « Please, Sehun ! I love you so much » You cried in pleasure induced pain. Your body ached and your muscles contracted as you pleaded Sehun to cum. « Ok baby, cum Y/n- » Sehun moaned in ecstasy. He trusted a couple of time more, pressing on your clit with his thumbs before you cried out his name as you came. You clenched on his member making it impossible for him not to cum. He exploded into you with a loud groan, the feeling of his cum gushing inside you making you cry even more. He kept thrusting helping you and himself ride his high. You fell in his arm, and he is here to catch you. He slowly slid out of you, placing you in the bed next to him on the bed. You looked exhausted but satiated. He smiled, caressing your cheek softly. « You have to leave ? -Junmyeon is gonna kick my ass if I don't. I wish I could stay with you. I missed you, I missed that. » He softly kissed you, making sure that you were comfortable under the cover of your bed before quitting your side.He kissed your forehead in a sweet motions. Your apartment seemed suddenly empty. It was so dark and silence that it scared you at first. But remembering the sweet moment you just spend with your boyfriend. You finally fell asleep a smile on your face. Saying Sehun had freaked out was an understatement. He had not seen you left your work and when he arrived to pick you up and saw you weren't there, yeah, he might be fast, but he was still extra anxious. He was not that type of boyfriend. In fact, you were both pretty independent, but he would not let you getting in danger if he could avoid it. That might have been the reason why he stayed with you longer. He needed to be with you. Now that he was back at his job, he could concentrate on his work knowing you were safe. « So how was Y/n ?, asked Kyungsoo as he was putting boxes up a shelf trying to keep the shop tidy. « She was good. -Nothing happened. -No, nothing. -You didn't see anything ? A suspect maybe ? », Junmyeon said entering the room. He was dressed in all black ready to crawl in the shadow without being seen. « You're leaving ? -We are going to hunt, see if we can find the other vampire. He should kill someone tonight. It's our best chance to catch him. » Sehun nodded. « Do you want me to come with you ? I am fast I'll can help ? » It was true that Sehun was one of the fastest vampire in his family, even Jongin could not catch up with him. And he really wanted to go out there to hunt the monster who was trespassing their territory. « No, it's better if you stay here anyway. I take Chanyeol and Xiumin with me. For only one individual it'll be enough. » Sehun was disappointed. He really wanted to go hunt. It's been a while since he's known this. When he was younger, in the very beginning of his vampire life, hunting has been his favorite thing. Now he enjoyed just drinking from the blood bank, it was easier and faster, and he didn't have to kill anyone. That was really a plus. But since the renegade vampire arrived in the city, killing way too much for a normal thirst, the feeling of hunting had triggered him. « Are you even sure that he is alone ? -It correspond to the behavior of only one individual. -Sehun is right, it's still a lot of blood for only one vampire. We only need to drink blood every two weeks. He is already at 10 victims in a month, this is the most active serial killer I've ever seen. »Added Kyungsoo. That wasn't right. « Even if there are more of them, we'll be fine. Stay here until tomorrow. Jongdae will come in the morning to take your place. » They simply nodded, not wanting to uselessly argued with Junmyeon. He was stressed enough as it was. Being the leader of a nest as big as theirs was a continual source of stress. But since the rogue vampire had entered their territory Junmyeon was more than anxious. They have been living in the city for years now, they liked it here, Nobody wanted to leave. Certainly not Sehun. « Ok, well be careful. Gave us news if there are any. » Kyungsoo finished the conversation before returning to the reserve to organized the alley. Sehun took a last look at Junmyeon before this one disappeared through the back door. He returned to his usual spot as a cashier waiting for the next client to arrive. There was only a few clients, not too much as not a lot of people were going out at night lately. He still had some brave people who were out to buy pasta and diapers for emergency. If he was honest, Sehun find that job pretty boring. But he has lived many lives, and he was happy to live a happy and calm life for this life. He was organizing the chewing gum packets near his desk for the billion time when someone entered the shop. Sehun must have been really distracted because he didn't see the man approaching him. This is only when he smelled the scent of blood that Sehun left his head. « Nice human I must said. I wasn't expecting her to be mated to a vampire. I must said I was disappointed. » Junmyeon wasn't going to find anything tonight, Sehun was sure of this. « Yeah, well, next time you are trying to take what's not yours try to be more discreet. You are stinging of blood. » The stranger smiled, his long bloodied canines showing off. Sehun didn't do anything. He was not even really scared, he had lived too much to be scared anyway. « I just thought that it was the good moment to introduce myself. I was really not aware that there was a nest already in town. » It was a lie. Every vampire of the region was aware that their nest was here. « After a month, don't you think it's a bit late to introduce yourself ? If you had introduced yourself at the beginning you would have known that our first rule is to actually not getting noticed by mortals. You for sure didn't get the memo. » The other vampire was looking at a shelf on the side, turning his back at Sehun. « Really ? Well you must understand. Having all those pangtry around me. It can drive a man wild »

Sehun had long forgotten what it was to be in a frenzie for blood. He didn't really remember as his first month as a vampire where the thirst is the strongest were long gone. « Well, everyone learns to control themselves. » The other one turned around smirking. « And do you control yourself around your human ? For sure her smell is something else. I am dying to just take a little bite » Sehun had never been the calm one. Kyungsoo was, Xiumin was, hell even Chanyeol was sometimes calmer than him. He was expecting the vampire mentioning you, but hell he also was expecting that strong feeling of anger. Nobody was touching you, never. Not in general, he was not possessive of you and you were more of a free spirit, but when it was about other vampires, he would not let anything slide. « You won't take anything. The rules are the rules, she is mine and no other vampire has the right to touch her. And if you still try I'll kill you. », he had said in the calmest tone possible. It wasn't really a threat. Even if the rogue vampire agreed not to touch you, Sehun and his nest will kill him. He had kill too many humans for him to go away. « Possessive much ? -Not really. » The tension was now thick in the air. Sehun heard Kyungsoo moving upstairs. « Your friends are looking for me. This is useless. They won't find me. -Well they don't have to look for you anymore. » Sehun was never surprised. He was known for being Stoic to a lot of situations, even if in his daily life he wasn't like this, this was the image he was giving to the outside world. Being a three hundred years old vampire was of course helping the Stoic appearance. But he didn't see the vampire coming. He was fast, faster than even with his enhanced sens he didn't see him move. He was thrown to the ground, the hard floor cracking under his body. He heard Kyungsoo running down the stairs. « Sehun ! » Sehun got up from the floor ready to attack. When he pinned into the other vampire he suddenly understood that something was wrong. The other one flipped him over like he was nothing tossing him into the shelves. Kyungsoo jumped on him but he also got throw away. That wasn't normal. Vampire were strong for sure but not that strong. He could not just flip over two of the best fighter of the nest just like that. But here he was, trying to stab the other vampire with a piece of metallic shelf that broke when he fell on it as Kyungsoo was trying to maintain him still. A snarl came out of the mouth of the vampire when Sehun succeeded into plunging the metal piece into his chest. But it wasn't in the heart and soon in a furious movement he threw Kyungsoo across the room, « fondant » on Sehun, sinking his teeth into Sehun arm as this one was trying to repal him. It hurt, it was bad. The moment the fangs sink in, an intense burn spreaded through Sehun's arm like lava. It was like acid, his blood boiling into his veins, making his body arch. « SEHUN ! », Someone shouted, but he couldn't recognize the voice before he fainted. You had spent a restless night. You could not help but toss into your bed, not finding sleep even if you were so tired you were near the coma. You simply dressed up to go to work eager to get busy. You walked toward your work, not thinking about anything in particular. It was very cold today, your hands were freezing even with your gloves and you were starting to not feel your face. When you arrived in front of the bakery, the shop just in front of it was closed. Normally Jongdae and Minseok should be here, drinking coffee while waiting for their first client. But no, the shop was closed. You didn't ask yourself more, simply entering the bakery. « Honestly, I don't know what happened. Junmyeon wasn't there this morning. » You said hi to your boss as he was speaking with one of the other employees. « Hey Y/n, do you know what happened during the night ? Did Sehun told you something ? » You turned around, concerned. « No. What happened ? » Your boss simply told you that the entire neighborhood had heard crashing noises and glass breaking. Apparently it was a robbery. You were suddenly very anxious. If it was true why Sehun didn't call you ? Were they okay ? You decided to call Sehun to know, but obviously he did not pick up. It did not calm you at all. With everything that was happening lately, you were thinking about the worst. But if something bad had happened, Junmyeon or one of the boys would have told you ? Yeah you should not worry about this. You were still thinking about it all day, even if you were busy. You finished your day, agreeing that it was the longest day of your entire life. You could not stop watching your phone, looking outside to see the shop still closed no sign of any of the boys. You decided to go at Junmyeon place after work, thinking that if there was a problem, Sehun would probably not be in his apartment. You took a taxi, telling to the driver to go as fast as he could. You didn't know what to think. You were unable to think about anything that could make sens. It was confusing, terrifying. You arrived to Junmyeon apartment fairly fast, even if the entire travel had seemed an eternity to you. You had tried to join Sehun or any of the boys several time. Even Yixing wasn't answering, and he was always answering your phone call. You ran in the stairs, almost falling to times, but you finally arrived in front of the door. You knocked, trying to catch your breath but it seemed useless. « Y/n ? What are you doing ? » It was Junmyeon. Well, a very tired version of Junmyeon. « You are not answering any of my texts or calls. After what happened yesterday at the shop I was hella worried ! Sehun is not answering, so I just came here to see if he was there. » He gulped, watching behind him as if someone had called him. He was acting weird. « What's happening 'myeon, you really are freaking me out... -You should go home Y/n. It's really nothing. Just go back home. » Were you supposed to be satisfied with this answer ? « Are you serious ? » You really should have done as he had said. You knew that it was stupid to insist. What were you going to do anyway ? Forced yourself into his apartment. What kind of people would it make of you. « Let me in Junmyeon. -No » You pushed threw hi, meeting almost no resistance. Was he that tired ? You were not ready to find five paired of eyes watching you as you entered the living room. They were all looking like zombies, dark circle around their eyes that were injected with red. « Where is Sehun ? » Nobody answered. You crossed Kyungsoo's eyes, that avoided your look immediately. You entered the corridor, ignoring the sudden calls of your name. You entered the bedroom, imagining finding nothing. Just an empty bed. But Sehun was lying here. You almost did not recognized him. He seemed so, sick. Like he had contracted the most aggressive virus. « Sehun... » You fall on your knees near his head. He was so pale, almost gray. His face was slimmer than yesterday. His lips were tinted red. « Y/n, get away from him... » But you could not answer as you were looking at the night stand, and the floor on the other sides of the bed. « Junmyeon... What is this ? » You said, your fingers trembling as you pointed at dozens of blood bags on the floor. Some red liquid spilling on the floor. « Y/n please get up slowly... » Sehun had woken up. Junmyeon behind was slowly trying to come at you but a low growl escaped the man on the bed. You were maybe in love but you weren't stupid. Even if you had no clue about what was happening, you knew when you were in danger. And right now you were. You did as Junmyeon told you, your legs shacking from how slowly you were moving. Junmyeon was ready to snatch you out Sehun sides but the other man was too fast. You did not even see him move before you were thrown on the bed. « Sehun stop ! » You felt a stinging pain in your neck, like two needles had pierced your skin. You tried to push him away but you thought about that animal documentary. The prey were never moving around by fear of the predator snapping their neck. It didn't last long, seconds maybe, before you were pushed out of Sehun's grip. Your body rolled on the floor. You were really impressed with yourself when you got up as fast as you could, running out of the room. Most of the boys in the main room were gone. Yixing was looking at you, mortified. « Y/n, your neck... -Yixing, help me... » You almost fell in his arms. He dragged your body in the kitchen, making you sit on the table. Brushing your hair out of your neck, he looked at the wound. You had no idea of what it looked like, the only thing you knew it was that it hurt like hell. Blood was glistening down your chest and in your back. You were slowly feeling light-headed. « He attacked me » Yixing didn't answer as he was pressing a compress on your wound. You wish you could cry but you couldn't. You had no idea how things had escalated so quickly. You had no idea what was happening. « What is happening Yixing... » It wasn't a question. More of a statement that everything was going wrong. He lifted your chin with his fingers making you look into his eyes. « Y/n... I don't know what to tell you... » The truth you dumb ass. You wanted to scream. At him, at Junmyeon, at Sehun, at the entire universe. « Yixing ! », Junmyeon screamed from the other side of the apartment. « Press this on your neck, don't let go okay, I'll be back » He left you, sitting on the kitchen table, more miserable than ever. He came back after what seemed an hour. « Is everything okay ? » You asked like a zombie. « I should be the one to ask you this » It was not Yixing. You almost jumped out of the table when you heard Sehun's voice. He seemed totally different from when you saw him laying on the bed minutes ago. You were scared. Scared of him for the first time since you know him. He had never done anything to scare you before, he was always so sweet and kind. You must have look terrified because he took a step back, looking like a kicked puppy. « Y/n... -I don't understand... I... You didn't tell me ? -What would you have wanted me to say... Would you even have believed me... » He was right. You would not have believed him. But now you had no other choices than to believe what he was saying. « I know. But you would have kept lying to me if it didn't happen » He didn't answer. You were trying not to cry but it was hard. You took of the compress, as it was so full of blood it was useless. It hurt like a bitch and you were starting to feel lightheaded. « Fuck, you're bleeding a lot... » If you weren't going to faint at any moment you would have thrown him your shoe. But you had no energy, not even enough to breathe correctly. « I can help you. I know you don't want but... -Yeah I kinda don't want you to be anywhere near me right now » You didn't think he could hurt you now that he was back to his normal state but still. « You are going to bleed to death. Please, let me help » You were going to die. You were feeling more and more sleepy with the seconds and you knew it wasn't good. « I don't want to die... » He appeared just in front of you the moment your body was letting go. His hands on your shoulders stabilized you, allowing you to stay sited. « I can heal the wound but I need to touch you, okay ? » You didn't say anything because you couldn't. He still got the memo. He took of your jacket, making you move softly not hurt you more. He marked a pause inhaling deeply. « That's a lot of blood,damn... » You didn't really hear or see much of what happened after that. But you felt something wet and hot, touching your wound. It wasn't as painful as you thought it would be, and the feeling of not having your skin covered in sticky blood was actually great. It took more time than you imagined and it gave you plenty of time to recover some of your senses as you weren't bleeding anymore. « Did you just licked my wounds ? -My saliva has healing property. It stopped bleeding. » You indeed weren't bleeding anymore. As you were going to touch your neck he stopped you. « The wounds are no closed yet. You should not touch them. -Can't you make the wound closed ? » He looked at you unsure. After all he was the one who attacked you. If he had a way for you to heal completely he should do it. « I know a way but, I don't know if you will like it.... -It's not your type to be so evasive about things... -The fact that I almost killed you kinda took me off to be honest. » You laughed at this. He was looking at you weirdly, definitely not finding any of this funny. « Okay, then » He brought one of his finger to his teeth. You were finally seeing his long, thick and sharp fangs . He cut the tip of his finger with it. He brought his cut finger to touch your wound. You were mortified for a moment, was he really putting his blood on your wound ?! But the tingly feeling that followed and the disappearance of the pain, distracted you from that. « It's done. You still have red marks but it'll disappear eventually. The best would have for you to drink it but... -I am not doing that. -That's what I thought » he said smiling lightly. The least you could say was that it was awkward. None of you wanted to talk even if you had millions of question. « So... Hum... Should I call you Edward Cullen or something » He looked at you dumbfounded. « Hell no. » New silence. « I... You know... I am an open minded person but... What the fuck happened ? » He was sitting on the sink just in front of you. « Well, long story short... Hum, we discovered that the thing who is killing all those women is like us. -A vampire. -Yeah. We thought he was a new vampire, they tented to drink way more than us that are older. » You knew it wasn't the moment but you really were wondering how old was really Sehun. « But it was definitely not a new born. -What is it then ? -We don't really know. All e learned from his attack was that his bite is poisonous » he said, rolling up his sleeve, exposing large bite mark. It was red and looked really painful. « But can't you heal or something... -Normally I can. We don't know why it didn't work this time. -And why are you healing now. You seem good... -It's thanks to you. » He looked at you, your eyes finally meeting his. « I don't really know how it works but. I guess you blood helped me healed. The blood I drank before didn't do anything. It made me sick. Yours was.... » he marked a pause « good ». You started to get a bit scared again. But it was just Sehun, the man who made you happy for years now, the man who encouraged you quitting college to pursuit your passion, the man who defended you and supported you when your family started to ignore you. The man you loved. But you knew nothing about him. You thought you knew this man. You thought he would never hurt you. But hear you were, in his kitchen, covered in blood. « I am sorry... I didn't mean it that way... Please don't be scared... » Your heart just started beating even faster. « Y/n... I swear I would never hurt you... What happened before... I don't know what it was... I love you... » Could you believe him ? You weren't so sure about that. Him being an immortal, super powerful being wasn't helping you. Did you love him tho ? Yes. Yes you loved him with your entire heart. « Why did you lie to me ? » It was a stupid question. You didn't see how he would have told you the truth. It seems like a secret and how would he have been able to tell you the truth after you started becoming friends.

« I am not supposed to tell anything to you. And honestly even if I had told you, would you have believed me. A crazy guy telling you he is a vampire ? » Yeah, you would have never believed him. Everything was a mess right now. Your head was starting to hurt. The only thing you wanted to do was to go back yo your apartment and sleep until next week. « I want to go home... I don't feel good. I want to sleep. » He walked toward you, putting a protective arm around you he helped you stand up. « You are right. You should be resting. I am going to drive you back to your apartment. -I can drive, don't worry. -No you can't. I am going to drive. » It was true. Your vision was blurry and your ears were starting to buzz. « You are right. I don't feel good at all. -Come on. » He said, wrapping you in a coat. He opened the door of the apartment, still holding you close to him. As soon as you were outside he put his arm under your legs, lifting you up in his arms. « I am going to throw up. -If you do this I threw you away. » You wanted to laugh but you had no energy. The ride back home was fast and silent. You could finally walk on your own, still using Sehun as a cane. He helped you with everything, from taking your shoes off to taking a bath, he even prepared you a sandwich. It was the least he could do in the end, after all he was the one who hurt you. Finally, you threw yourself on your bed, your eyes closed, ready to fall asleep at any moment. « Get under the cover at least... -Leave me alone. -What a way to talk to someone who just scrubbed your feet. -You scrubbed my back you liar... » He took the cover from under your body, putting it on you. « Good night » You woke up in the middle of the night. From someone knocking at your door. It was 4 in the morning and you knew no one who would just randomly knock on your door at this hour. You got up, feeling better than some hours ago but feeling incredibly sleepy. You walked toward your door, not thinking clearly. You were alone in your apartment, Sehun had left. You watched through the hole in your door, not seing any light in the corridor. You could not see anyone. A new knock made you jumped back. Your heart was beating incredibly fast. You decided to go back to your room, trying not to make any noise. Which was stupid honestly. If your guessing was right it was completely useless. You took your phone and called Sehun once you were in your bathroom. It was the only room without a window, that was rather isolated from the door. The phone ringed once, twice... « Y/n ? What is happening ? -You are not the one knocking at my door right now ? -Someone is knocking at your door ? Who is it ? -I don't know. It's dark in the corridor. » He didn't say anything. « I am on my way. Stay away from the door. He can't come inside if you don't invite him. » You weren't that scared at the moment. It was like a big joke. « Why me ? I mean... Is it because of your fight ? -Probably. Don't move. » And he hung up. You were sitting on your bathroom floor still wondering what you did to the karma to deserve that. Maybe it was just the universe punishing you for your ignorance. You should really stay in here, wait for Sehun. But you didn't. You returned in your living room. The knock on the door were so regulate. They were resonating, the sound echoing inside your body. Suddenly you understood. The knocking were perfectly in sync with your heartbeat. You were feeling weak, and as your heart was getting faster, the knocking followed in perfect synchronization. You heard a voice in you corridor. Someone was talking. Indeed, you could see the light finally coming from outside. « What is all this noise ! Y/N ! » You looked outside, seing the old lady who was living in the apartment just in front of you. Shit. You tried not to react, but what if she was in danger. You opened your door, being careful to stay inside your apartment. « Y/n ! Didn't you hear all this knocking ? Do you know what time it is ? » You were debating what to do. Play dumb, telling to the old lady that she was crazy and that a psycho was never at your door knocking frantically. Or just saying sorry. You just wanted her to go back to her apartment. This is when you saw him, just behind your neighbor. Tall and slim, he had a wicked smile playing on his lips. Big fangs were coming out of his mouth. You were screwed, you should have listened to Sehun. « Yeah Mme Kim... You should go back to your apartment, it's really early. I'll make sure it stops » She looked at you weirdly before turning back and returning into her apartment. The vampire had disappeared. You closed the door as fast as you could. « Hey » You let out a little scream, jumping out of your bones from fear. « It's me ! » Sehun had just entered by your window. « I told you to stay in your room. -Fuck you honestly » He almost scared you to death. « Did you saw him ? -Yeah he was outside, well I guess it was him. -Chanyeol is outside. If he is trying anything we'll get him » You wanted to tell him that it was what he probably said last time. You still hugged him with all your strength, feeling him near you making you feel safe. « Hey I am here it's fine. -I know... » He opened the door, nothing was outside. It was silent. Until it wasn't. A body came crushing through your window. Glass flew everywhere, you tried protecting yourself the best you could, but without Sehun shielding you with his body you would have end up with nasty cut. « Y/n run ! » You tried but when you saw Chanyeol on the floor, blood everywhere you could not go anywhere anymore. « Perfect. I knew that if I was paying a little visit to your girlfriend you were going to run here. » He looked at you. « Thank you sweetheart, you made things way easier. » You were like paralyzed. It was impossible for you to move. To run away. It's Sehun who snatched you away, throwing you in front of him so you would go away. He opened the door of the corridor closet, shoving you inside. « Stay here ! Don't come outside ! Take this » He tried to put a weird wood stick in your hands but you were trembling too much. « Listen to me ! If he comes, you stick it with all your strength here » he pointed to hi chest, a bit on the left side. You'll never be able to do that. Never. You took the wood stick anyway, as Sehun was closing the door behind him. You could not hear anything except the beating of your own heart. How did this even happened, everything was confused. The vampire, how he entered your apartment even if you had not invited him, how he threw Chanyeol through the window. Your wrist had swollen up already, a stabbing pain paralyzing you. You heard a noise of something breaking, like someone had fell on a table. You heard a scream. You wanted to scream, your heart was beating hard ; your stomach was knotted. If you stayed in this closet you were gonna die. You didn't want to die. If you were going outside, you were going to die too. At least you would not die in a freaking closet. It took you a whole minute to got up. You were doing it, you were going to open this door and fight. You took a deep breath and turned the doorknob slowly. You opened it just a little to watch what was happening. Sehun was currently on the ground. You could not see the other vampire but you could hear him. He was speaking thought. You could not hear him but you were able to see Sehun's face. Seing him hurt was unbearable to you. You needed to help him. The vampire come into view, he was holding Chanyeol by his hair dragging him on the ground ; « You see, I pity you a bit. Having power but choosing not to use them. » Sehun didn't say anything. « Vampire blood is disgusting. But drink it and you'll be able to overcome the limit that is imposed to our species. » Chanyeol tried to move but the vampire thew him away like he was nothing. « I am going to drink your blood and then I'll drink your girlfriend's to make the disgusting taste of yours pass. » You opened the door completely, the wood stick in your hand. The vampire, by some miracle, was so focused on proceeding to drink your boyfriend's blood that he was not paying attention to you. Sehun saw you, but he tried not to focus himself on you too much not wanting to blow your cover. You had two options. You could try to be discrete and walk thought your living room but the floor was cover in glass. Your feet were going to die, and there was also the high possibility that you were going to make noises and attract his attention. Second, you could just go for it. Run like you never run before, loosing your feet on the way but you may have the effect of surprise on your side. The vampire was holding forcefully Sehun's head on the ground to make access for his neck. He was going to sink his fangs, when you started to run. Your head was blank, You were just holding your weapon, and you were going to kill him. You didn't even feel the pain in your feet as thousands of little piece of glass were piercing your feet. You didn't even believe it when with all your strength and your impulse to sink the wood blade inside the vampire. The blade sink in perfectly, you have no time to look if you succeed as the vampire flip over and send you on the other side of the room with a hit. The last thing you saw before everything goes black is a dark silouhette swooping another one. « Y/n, can you hear me ? » Your body felt good, everything was soft. You opened your eyes slowly, everything was blurry. « Take your time baby » It was Sehun. You looked at him once your eyes started working normally again. « How are you feeling ? -I feel good » you said. It was true, even your feet did not fell painful. Sehun did not have any scratches on his side. Vampire ability you thought. He leaned closer to you. « I thought I was going to lose you on this one. I told you to stayed in the closet. » You wanted to laugh. « I save your ass, be grateful » He laughed, kissing your forehead. « I feel good. Why ? I am sure I should be dying right now. -I gave you blood. You should be okay. -I am not going to turn into a vampire right ? » He laughed again. « No, you are not. » He took your hand and squeeze it gently. His thumb was circling soft circle on your hand. It felt good, reassuring, and you needed it. You were terrified. You were terrified of Sehun's world, of how since you knew about it you were in danger. You were scared of yourself. Because you just stabbed a man. And you were not regretting anything. If you had to you would do it again. « I love you so much, I was so scared I was going to lose you. » You looked at him in the eyes and smiled. « I love you too. But please don't make me kill someone again. I don't think I can handle it » He didn't laugh. He kissed your hand in a sweet motions. He didn't say anything either but in his eyes you could see so much. It was not going to happen ever again.

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