#sometimes i am able to not let my anxiety control me and it might as well be today

[amaraudermind]

Think of Me—A Story about the Beauty of Silence

It’s Ace Week, and as such I am finally getting around to talking about one of my favorite stories from this year’s DC Pride special. Specifically, Connor Hawke’s story.

First of all, I love how they tied Connor’s Relationship with his dad to his struggles with sexuality. It was done beautifully. And it’s accurate: he grew up thinking of simplistic answers to simple desires. He was isolated from much of the world, and that kept him from learning about a lot of the more complex things in regards to relationships. Of all kinds.

The creators of this comic artfully tell a story that I have been trying to convey for years.

But this here is the part that really means a lot to me. Talking about sexuality by way of music.

A fact that almost no one knows about me is that I write music for myself. It’s a way for me to interact with my emotions meaningfully. When I am overwhelmed with emotion, I scribble it down, I scream it out, and I give it space to exist. I have never written a song about my sexuality.

When I read these panels, I cried. I had never seen it conveyed this way. I had always thought of it this way. I had never put it together. It’s the kind of story that talks to a thought in the back of your mind, that tells you it’s true and that you were right.

My sexuality is a silence. I have never been able to turn it into song. And for a long time, I thought that was a problem with me. But it isn’t. It’s not a problem at all.

There are times when metaphors don’t work. Mostly there are metaphors that work for some people and not for others. I’m not always so good with metaphors, but this one is me. It’s a metaphor and it’s literal and it’s a story that I can look at and go “This is me. This is what it’s like. Look at this, look at me.”

I’ve spent a lot of time in the past few months thinking about this. About just what I want to with and for and about this story specifically. It means so much to me, and I know it means a lot to others, too.

I also spent several of these months scared to put it into words. To liken myself to a hero who is like me because his tag was flooded with people saying it was wrong.

But it’s not wrong. And this is who Connor is. It’s who I am. And I am so grateful to everyone who filled the Connor Hawke tag with edits and positivity despite all of that.

I’m Asexual. And I’m proud of who I am, I’m proud of who we are, now that I can hear it.

[daichiduskdrop]

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚⋆·˚ ༘ *𝙎𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙡 ⋆·˚ ༘ *ੈ✩‧₊˚

CHAPTER 01

Pairing: BTS Ot7 X fem! reader

Genre: A/B/O AU, Fluff, Angst, Strangers to lovers,

Warnings: pretty much none for this chapter! Just a nice fluffy, protective and sweet chapter :)

A/N: hi everyone! Thank you all so much for your support I received for the prologue chapter I uploaded yesterday. I am really happy and grateful. If you enjoy the story, please let me know. I'm always looking for advice. English isn't my first language so please be patient :))

Also, I saw other people use taglists for accounts, I'm not 100% how it works, but if anyone would be interested I will try to figure it out.

Please take care of yourself. I love you.

Words count: 3385

Prologue:

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"Hyung? Hello?"

"Hm? What's up? Are you guys on your way? Jin is starting to stress out 'bout it."

His voice sounded calm, not worried one bit. It was obvious he was most definitely sitting by the fireplace, reading some poetry book. Kook got him one not too long ago as a thank-you gift, and before leaving with Yoongi, Jimin did notice it laying on the couch.

The youngest loved and respected his pack alpha, so showing gratitude in any way was very close to his heart. A simple plant for a nice camping-trip-hike Joon planned for them wasn't too unusual, a new pair of limited edition sneakers was granted, or a nice book of poetry, bought at the seasonal book fairs he sneakily visited, so the alpha would be surprised.

Of course, Jungkook often spoiled all of his other pack members, but among the pack, it was quite usual to buy Namjoon occasional small gifts. After all, he was keeping them well-kept, safe, warm, and fed.

Sure, they all may be alphas, suited to take care of themselves, and they did, but sometimes handing off the lead and worries to him was just too tempting. They needed to rent a house for a weekend stay in a different country? Joon would by no means even allow them to try and do it. The pack wants to buy ice-cream? Yes, he will go on and order it for the group, making sure to not forget any of the complicated toppings and flavor combinations.

Namjoon still had occasional mishaps, accidentally breaking new tableware, another controller, or losing his keys over and over, but his pack never took it too wrongly and knew of all the good he brought to them. It always outweighed the clumsiness.

"Yea hyung, we are on our way to the car right now, but-"

It didn't take him too long to notice that Jimin's voice was softer than usual, and even without being able to smell his scent, he was able to sense a sort of worrying undertone.

While he could start firing out questions right away, it wasn't his first day dealing with any issues involving his younger packmates. Everything could be sorted calmly in pretty much every situation, and he was a big believer of that fact. Though when he heard a whimper in the background of the call, he too grew worried. He sat up, putting the small book away. Unconsciously, he paid attention to everyone in the house at the moment; Jin's smell was in the kitchen, the occasional sizzling of oil and pots heard, Taehyung's scent upstairs, a bit too far for him to be able to sense what exactly he was doing, noting of Hobi's bright smell in his studio downstairs, and Jungkook's, also on the bottom-floor gym.

"Jimin-ah? What is it?" He didn't sound too overly concerned, even if he was quite worried. He didn't hear Chim sound so stressed in some time for sure. It was quite usual for the pack alpha's to try to bring peace to the pack, always have a rational mind and calm any agitation and anxiety.

Listening closely, only a bit of shuffling and fumbling noises could be heard.

"Um..- we met an omega..-"

A longer pause continued, and a faint voice of Yoongi in the background. He didn't hear him speaking so softly in a very long time, making Joon's eyebrows furrow only deeper.

"An omega? Are they okay?"

"No, hyung, something is really wrong..- her scent, she is really, really anxious for some reason-"

"Did you try to settle her? She could have entered omega space; you have to be really careful with that. Where are you right now? I'll come there to help."

"Yoongi hyung said it's the best for us to just take her home to us right now; we just got into the car and are leaving the parking lot now." Jimin said with the faint sound of the motor in the background.

"Alright, that's okay. I'll tell others. It's better for her to be somewhere with only a few specific scents than the mix of ones that belong to the group of strangers. Is she crying?" His question was followed by a soft sound of fabric moving. A shorter pause and then a yes.

Sighing, Namjoon stood up and started to make his way towards the kitchen. Jin looked up but didn't say anything after seeing him calling, and continued cutting up a few onions. Opening one of the top cabinets, he took out an essential oil often used for newly presented alphas for when their nose suddenly got bit too sensitive with the heightened smell. It wasn't uncommon for betas or omegas to use such oils or scented candles either, though.

"Poor cub. Just make sure you drive safe, okay? I'll try to get some things ready for her to nest with; that should help. Hyung is still cooking, but it should be done soon, did you buy the batteries for Tae and Koo?"

"Yea, we did, don't worry. We got some more stuff from that new game store for them too, but you'll see at home. Thank you, we will be there in about.. 10 minutes? I think?"

"Alright. Be careful, talk to you later."

Ending the call and folding his phone into his jeans pocket, the pack alpha looked towards his eldest hyung, who was already staring at him with questions written all over his face.

"What is it? I can smell you are worried, Joon."

For a few moments, he didn't answer, still bit too confused about everything. They didn't have an omega at their pack house basically ever.

"At the mall, they found an omega; she must have been really unsettled, so they tried to help. They are taking her here now."

Once again, talking without any noticeable worry in his voice. It was only his scent that carried a slight stench that was offsetting.

"An omega? Where is their pack? We have to notify her pack alpha; this could be serious."

"Yea, I think so too. Can you give her a meal too? We should have enough for one more person, right?"

Jin turned back around to stir the sizzling pan of glass noodles, softly humming.

"Of course, we have more than enough. You should go tell others. I'll go open windows so there is fresh air here, and it's not too scented for her right away."

"Thanks, hyung. I just hope she won't drop, so let's try to prevent that in any way possible."

Agreeing, he left Jin to his thing and started making his way towards the private studios.

Knocking softly on the doors in a short pattern, he didn't wait too long before he opened the entryway. There sat Hoseok, turned towards him. There was an open file on the screen that he was working on for the past few days.

"Hey, what's up?"

Closing the door after him, the pack alpha took a seat on the large black leather couch.

"I just got a call from Jimin; they are on their way back home. They have an omega with them though, they are taking her to the pack house."

Hobi's eyes widened, his mouth opening slightly.

"Really? Why?"

Sitting up slightly, he kept his eyes on Namjoon.

"Minnie said something was really wrong; she was just too unsettled, and they couldn't find her pack I guess either."

"Oh poor thing, they get really stressed in public places; she must have gotten overwhelmed," softly cooing at the thought of a soft, sad, anxious omega. Hobi always had a soft spot for those in need. And from the description, the little omega must be in need for sure.

"Yea, I think so too. Do you have any new blankets and pillows? Or just anything that's unscented still? We have to prepare at least some nesting materials."

"Probably don't have a blanket per se, but I have bought a new hoodie online, so it should be sealed in plastic and unscented. That could help right?"

"For sure, that would be great," smiling, Hobi stood up and took a still unopened carton box. Ripping off the tape and pulling out a white milky plastic package, a paper written note fell onto the ground. Gasping softly, he bent down in the chair. Handing him the package, he looked at the note, smiling softly. "Ah, look, they wrote me a nice note!" his bright heart-shaped smile brightened up Joon's slightly anxious mood immediately.

Chuckling, the man stood up. "They should! You always order so much!" he said as he opened the door to the hallway. "Thanks hyung, they should be here in a few minutes, okay?"

Now turned back towards the screen, he heard a light "Yup!" making him leave the room, closing the door softly. Now on his way towards the gym, the young pack alpha wasn't too worried about the youngest - or any of his pack members in general.

It was a shock for sure, but they were a healthy pack with strong bonds and relationships, and if Yoongi believed it was best to take the omega to their home, then it definitely was that way. They didn't meet a lot of omegas at their company, since they were only allowed to do very few jobs. Omegas required a good, peaceful company of a similar group that was kept constant, and with how many people mingled during the tours and such, it was hard to keep that up.

Sudden omegadrops were then a bit too usual, causing more worries and stress. Really, there were only a minimal amount of omegas in BigHit; it wasn't common for omegas to work in general either. Some packs that were more modern did support the idea, but the traditional ones were used to pretty much taking care of all of their financial needs.

The door of the gym was left slightly open, so Joon knocked to make himself known and entered. Jungkook was leaning against a wall, breathing heavily with a glass of water in hand. His big eyes widened, and he stood up fully, taking a big gulp.

"Hey hyung," breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath, he ran a hand through his long, messy hair.

"Hey Jungkook, Yoongi called me a few minutes ago; they are on their way home right now, but there will be an unsettled omega coming with them too, okay? Something must have gone wrong for her; I think she might drop on them, so they decided taking her to us will be the best right now."

The youngest didn't say much for a few seconds. Placing his glass on the ground, he came closer to his pack alpha, his scent subconsciously wafting out calming pheromones. It was natural for any alpha or beta to try and calm anyone that was just a bit weak and scared. It just happened naturally.

"Omega? They will want to nest then; we should get some stuff ready quickly.."

"Yea, do you have any unscented stuff lying around?" furrowing his eyebrows in thought, Kook closed his eyes thinking. Wiping off sweat from his face with the bottom of his T-shirt, he nodded.

"Yea, I bought new bed sheets; I think they arrived this morning... And I should also have a pillow that isn't scented by any of you, just me if that works?"

"Thanks Koo, that helps a lot. Can you go get it and take it to the guest room upstairs?" Nodding quickly, they both left the gym, Namjoon quickly squeezing his shoulder in approval.

Walking upstairs, the young pack alpha made his way towards the room that Taehyung was in at the moment. Knocking and opening, his packmate was laying on the bed, softly snoring, covered by a few blankets. Coming to his side, he shook his shoulder, waking him up.

"Yah, Taehyung-ah, wake up; it will be dinner soon," the younger slowly opened his eyes, blinking a few times. Sighting out, he sat up, rubbing his eyes and hair out of the way.

"..Huh?" was the only thing the tired man could get out, mumbling incoherent words towards the pack alpha. Knowing he won't get far like this, he sent him to the bathroom to freshen up. He will tell him once he is able to take in information.

Closing the door and making his way back downstairs, he looked at the clock, only to see that it was about 15 minutes since the call. Noticing Jin getting the table ready with Hobi, he placed the packaged jumper on the couch, leaving it there. Taking a seat next to it, he decided to wait for the rest of his pack, listening to any noises from outside.

It didn't take too long until he heard the garage door opening and a car in the entryway. The soft sound of the motor turned off soon, and with that, Joon stood up and walked towards the entry door. He could sense Hoseok and Jin watching him do so.

The cold air hit him; it was still snowing outside, and the strong storm didn't seem to be ending anytime soon. While the nice, snowy Christmas was, in his opinion, superior to the wet, muddy one, it could be dangerous when driving. Knowing so, he watched Yoongi walking towards the entrance, his coat already covered in snow after only a few seconds of being outside. One of his hands was behind his back, seemingly clutching the palm of the omega.

Oh, but the small omega.

His breath hitched in his throat when he could smell her - the sweet, peach-like scent mixed with rose blooms was really nice, but it was covered by the stench of a rotting fruit. She was afraid, anxious, and worried, and the alpha inside of him felt the overwhelming need to keep her safe and secure.

Her hair and scarf covered most of her face, her eyes downcast as she clutched Yoongi's right hand, softly pattering behind him through the shoveled pathway. Jimin closed the garage doors and followed soon after.

Yoongi made short eye contact with Namjoon, only to pull the girl closer to the doors. Stepping out of the way, the alpha addressed her scent, sniffing the top of her head slightly - a traditional way to show she was welcome and allowed to come inside of their packhouse. Her big eyes were still filled with tears, playing with his feelings.

„Hello, what's your name?” Bending to see her face better they stood close to the doors while Jimin and Yoongi started to remove their boots and coats, placing away the plastic bags. Lifting up her chin to place it over the nice thick scarf she wore, she opened her soft lips to speak.

„L/N F-F/N..” the omega mumbled softly, sniffling at the end. The pack alpha was tempted to coo loudly, but held back for now.

„Alright, my name is Kim Namjoon, I'm the pack alpha... What happened hm?” She looked away, with her hands in the pocket, unconsciously bearing her neck just the slightest. When he didn't get an answer, he lifted his hand and softly caressed her cheek with the back of his hand.

„It's okay, don't worry. We will help, yea? Come on, let's get your coat off and eat some dinner, okay?” only receiving a soft mumbled yea, the small omega shakily started to untie her gray scarf, the pack alpha helping her when she started to fumble with it. Softly petting her hair when he noticed the way her chin shook and how her nose was soft pink, her cheeks and eyes red and slightly swollen.

„There, there. It's okay now.“ he couldn't hold back the soft coo at the end of the sentence, watching closely when she unzipped her jacket, taking it from her and hanging it up on a free hanger. Helping her step out of the untied boots, he placed them close to the heater so they would dry up.

Yoongi poked his head through the door to the living room, looking at the omega for a second. Left in a pair of loose fit pants and a oversized pink hoodie with white socks, standing close to Namjoon seemingly worried just as she was back in the mall.

„Let's go eat now. Is japchae okay kitty? Jin made you a plate already come on.” he watched as her eyes grew wider for a second, big and bright, still glossy with few tears. „It-It's okay al-pha..” she softly mumbled, slowly walking towards his outstretched hand. Once she was close enough, he took her own and softly squeezed before pulling her after him.

Namjoon went after them, noticing the footprints left by her. While he thought it was quite cute with how she pattered after his packmate like a little pup, the thought of her feet being wet and cold pushed his instincts once again.

Leading her through the big living room, and towards the right where a big table was, with already most of the pack members close by, preparing for the meal and helping around. Just as she entered the living room, all 4 heads shot up at her scent.

Jin was the first one to move, placing the glass carafe down on the table and wiping his hands quickly, before he made his way to their direction. While Yoongi was still softly pulling her along, she notably stiffened up and slowed down, pretty much stopping her movements if it weren't for Namjoon softly patting her back, encouraging her to move forward.

„Hi F/N, I'm Seokjin, but you can just call me Jin okay? How are you?” his soft gaze was kept on her as she shuffled in her spot, before answering in a quiet voice. „It's nice to m-meet you Jin... I'm we-ll, thank you..” avoiding his gaze, she let Yoongi once again pull her along towards the seat near the head of the table.

Jumping in, Hobi was quick to pull out her chair, helping her take a seat and softly ruffling her hair. „There you go.. do you like juice? We have um.. I think we have orange and apple, maybe even peach one. Would you like some?” Looking up at the bright, smily man the small girl unsurely nodded, turning her head towards the pack alpha for approval. She didn't want to overstep her boundaries. Smiling with his dimples showing, he nodded easily while he poured himself a glass of water.

Meanwhile Jungkook, already a step further, looked through the fridge. „Yea, we have a really tasty peach one, I think you would like that one,” he said as he pulled out the chilled glass bottle, opening it „it's from a farm that's at the outskirts of Seoul. Here, let me pour you a glass.”

„Look at the back for the ingredients, we should be careful with those.” Said Jimin while he pulled out clean cuttlery from a drawer. Omegas were known to be very sensitive in general with pretty much anything - food, sicknesses, air pressure and temperatures and noise and a lot more. A stomachache was not what they wanted to happen.

Turning the bottle and reading the ingredients, Jimin soon looked over his shoulder and too studied them. Once reading over the four -pure white peach extract, water, sugar and vitamin C, they deemed it safe enough, pouring the meek omega a tall glass.

Thanking and slightly bowing in her seat, she took a small sip, and once her expression seemed a bit lighter and satisfied with the taste, the youngest alpha sighed out, patting her head. Taking a seat opposite to her, next to Hobi, he started to serve himself a plate of japchae.

The omega's plate was already filled long ago by the pack alpha, who handed her his cuttlery, getting himself a different set when he noticed she didn't have any at her place.

Just as she was going to dig in after another approval nod, with Yoongi on her left side, she heard another pair of footsteps. Another man, with slightly damp hair entered the living room, pulling out another chair and taking a seat with his eyes still slightly closed, only to have them shot open suddenly, focused on her.

„Why is the omega crying?”

⋆·˚ ༘ *ੈ✩‧₊˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ੈ✩‧₊˚✧˚ · .*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Next:

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

you're trans, right? how did you come out to your parents? how did it go? how would you recommend someone go about doing it if they aren't sure how their parents are going to react? (positive to other people's kids being trans, dislike trans women in sports, generally vote democratic). i'm ftm.

sorry if this is too personal or already been answered or something

-- aar

Lee says:

As a matter of fact, I am indeed trans! I specifically identify as genderqueer, non-binary, transmasculine, transgender, and transsexual, although that's neither here nor there.

I actually didn't come out to my parents-- I came out to my friends, and then more publicly to my classmates at school. Then one of my classmates told her parents about me being trans, and that parent met my parents at a party and mentioned that I was trans. Unfortunately it just so happened that while they were at the party and out of the house, I took the opportunity to cut my hair short at home. Yikes!

Anyway, I would fully recommend actually coming out over being outed, if you have the choice, because then you have some control over the start of the conversation and can initially let them know whatever you want them to know.

As always, safety comes first. Do not come out if you do not think you will be safe. If there's any risk of harm or severe negative consequences, you should wait to come out until you're in a more secure position, like being 18 or older, financially independent, not living at home, or at the very least, having a support system in place like a trusted therapist who can help you deal with the repercussions of coming out.

There's a difference between being genuinely unsafe and feeling uncomfortable. Most people will feel their fight-or-flight anxiety response kick in when they have a really scary and stressful conversation, especially when they're talking with someone who means a lot to them and has a lot of authority in their life. But being anxious about their reaction might make something feel unsafe, emotionally, even if you logically know that you are safe and they will not kick you out, abuse you, etc.

That doesn't mean that your feelings aren't real feelings though. If you think that you would not be able to cope if your parents don't immediately and fully accept and support you, then maybe it isn't the right time to come out either. Your emotional well being is important, and if you would be unsafe as a result of mental illness/extreme distress after coming out (if your parent's reaction isn't what you had hoped it would be) then you should consider that to be just as important as if you were physically in danger from an external source. After you've had some time and therapy and got re-stabilized then you can reconsider coming out.

Let's say that you've decided to proceed with coming out. The next step is to continue to gauge their attitudes. You've already observed some of their views. This can be a good starting point to understand how they might react. Remember, though, that parents' reactions to their own child can sometimes be different from their general opinions. So they might be fine with your trans friends, but not be fine with you being trans yourself.

You can't fully predict what will happen, but making sure you have a sense of what they currently think might help a little-- if the topic hasn't come up in over a year and you're working off of what you remember them saying far in the past, it's possible their views have changed by now.

But either way, you'll never really know what will happen after you come out, so if you want to do it, you just gotta go for it.

Now it's time to prepare. You may want to have resources ready for your parents, so looking to find those resources should be your next step. Are there local support groups for parents of trans kids and do you know of any peers whose parents have attended? They might have questions or misconceptions about being a trans man, so be ready to share some basic 101 information with them and don't assume they understand what it really means to be trans. Websites, books, or even contact information for a knowledgeable counselor can be helpful.

Think about what you want to say beforehand. What's the point of coming out? Do you want something to change, like having them call you a different name, use different pronouns, buy you different clothes? Do you want them to understand the nuances of your identity and know the right terms and words to use and what terms and words are offensive? Think about all of your goals, and then write down the key points you want to get down.

This is the time to consider your answers to the questions they might ask you, like "how long have you felt this way," "do you plan on medically transitioning," "what does this mean for your sexual orientation," etc. Even if you don't know all the answers yet and are still figuring yourself out, you want to have an idea of what you'll tell them, even if it's just "I don't know yet, I'm still figuring it out".

I'm personally not a fan of gimmicky/"cute" ways of coming out when you aren't sure whether your family will be accepting. So I would recommend just using a letter to initially come out if you're worried about getting overwhelmed or forgetting important details, and being prepared to follow that up by having a sit-down conversation.

Have a support system in place. This could be friends, other family members, teachers, counselors, or online communities who understand and support your identity. I always recommend scheduling an event with friends either for directly after you come out so you have an excuse to leave the conversation and go, or at least for the next day so you can decompress and discuss it with people who support you.

When you're as ready as you can be, choose the right moment. Find a time when your parents are likely to be calm and not preoccupied with other stressors (so not on their birthday, a major holiday, etc) and either leave the letter for them or ask them if they are available to have an important conversation.

This might not always be possible, but a peaceful environment can facilitate a better conversation. Choose a time and place where you feel safe and where you won't be interrupted. This could be at home during a quiet weekend afternoon, an evening after dinner, or during a walk together, depending on your family dynamics.

Finally, it's time to have the conversation. You should be clear and direct. Tell them "I'm transgender and that means I feel I am a man," or whatever language you feel comfortable with. Don't hint at it because they might not know what you're trying to tell them, just tell them exactly what you want to say.

It’s okay to admit if you don’t have all the answers yet. Transitioning is a journey, and it's fine to be figuring things out as you go.

But if that isn't the case for you, and you are sure, then you should be ready to stand up for yourself and tell them that. They might react positively, negatively, or be unsure, but their feelings are not your fault/your responsibility because you're living true to yourself. It's okay if they need time to process the information, but don't back down and let them railroad you into saying that you're not sure or didn't mean it if you are sure and do mean it.

Finally, be prepared for the long haul. Understand that your parents might need time to fully grasp and accept your identity. Patience can be challenging but is often necessary since it can take several months to years before they come around and truly support you. That means that one conversation is usually not enough. Be open to ongoing discussions and expect them to be sometimes awkward.

We have a coming out page with more info, although some of the links are old and broke (I promise I'll get to fixing it some day!)

Followers, any advice for anon?

[hellfiremunsonn]

All Of The Time.

All Of The Time?

(This gif was NOT supposed to be as large as it is and I’m mad it’s not cuter)

I DO NOT ALLOW MY WRITING TO BE REPUBLISHED ANYWHERE OTHER THAN MY OWN BLOG WITHOUT MY CONSENT

Summary: You want Eddie to have a bit more control than just in the bedroom, but are nervous to bring it up to him.

18 + IF YOU ARE NOT 18 OR OLDER DO NOT READ OR INTERACT WITH MY WRITING. IT IS NOT INTENDED FOR MINORS. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MEDIA YOU CONSUME.

Warnings: fem reader, sub and dom dynamic, dom!eddie, sub!reader, brief mention of anxiety, and depression, fluff tbh. (LET ME KNOW IF THERES ANYTHING I MISSED)

Wordcount: 1k

You gnaw at your bottom lip, staring at yourself in the cloudy mirror while you hide in the bathroom of Eddie's trailer, panicking knowing that you'll have to come out soon before he gets suspicious. Unsure of how to bring it up to him without sounding crazy, even though Eddie is the least judgemental person you know.

It was about your want of having your sub and dom dynamic brought into your everyday life. You liked the discipline, and regulation, the ability to not think for yourself, and being rewarded for being good and punished for being bad. Not always in the sexual way, but the attraction from it was just a bonus.

It started with subtle casual dominance. Eddie stopping to tie your shoe for you whenever it came undone, standing behind you to grab something when you were on your tippy toes but still couldn't reach it. A sweet "Don't worry baby I got it for you" that was so innocent but still make your tummy do summersaults. Eddie was able to make you feel so small and protected, never a doubt in your mind that you weren't safe with him. He even started ordering food for you at restaurants, often talking for you when people asked questions and you loved every second of it, but you wanted more. You wanted to tell Eddie that he could do that all the time, control you, and be in control.

Life was hard, and with depression, and anxiety you could sometimes forget to take care of yourself, and your surroundings. It wasn't something you loved about yourself and you wondered if Eddie could help you with it, but only if he wanted to. You were lucky enough to have someone like Eddie in your life, to love you and adore you, but you somehow still felt nervous about bringing this up.

Sighing you flushed the toilet and washed your hands, even thought you just stood there in his bathroom the whole time. Taking a deep breath you walked back to Eddie's room, leaning against the doorframe to admired him for a second. He was right where you left him. Nose deep in his notebook with his tongue pushed out over his top lip in concentration while he scribbled quickly.

"Hey Eds, can I ask you something?" you said making your way over to join him on his bed.

"Course you can sweetheart" he said looking up from his notebook, placing his pencil in the middle to keep it as a book mark before closing it and setting it down next to him so he could give you his full attention which only made you more nervous.

You hesitated under the gaze of his thoughtful eyes. "O-okay but it might be stupid, so um, don't laugh"

He scoffed and rolled his eyes, placing a comforting hand on your thigh. "I doubt whatever it is, is stupid"

You wrinkle your nose at him before taking a deep breath. "Um so you know when we have sex?" You said glancing up at him.

"I know of it" he says with a laugh, nodding for you to continue.

"And how you're mean to me? But because I like it?"

"I'm a dom yes"

"Um well so you think that you could..." you trail off, tucking your bottom lip between your teeth, embarrassment heating your cheeks, nervously playing with your fingers while avoiding his gaze.

"Do you think I could... What?" his fingers squished at the dough of your thigh, his head tilting as he looked at you, waiting for you to continue.

"Do you think we could do that all the time?" you rushed.

"You want me to be mean to you all the time?" He asks with a raised brow, a flicker of concern in his eyes.

"No! Not like that, but like rules and stuff I guess" you shrugged

"Oh" he said thoughtfully, a playful smirk on his lips. "You want me to take care of you?"

"W-well, you don't have to do that part" You rushed, afraid of making him uncomfortable. "I just- I like it when-" you huff, covering your face with your hands. Frustrated tears well up in your eyes and it only makes you feel way to vulnerable.

Eddies hand smooths up your arm and to your shoulder, squeezing lightly. "Hey look at me"

You whine and shake your head, muttering a small "No"

"Baby" he said, his voice a warning, but you still didn't look up, you only sniffled into your hands that were now wet with your tears.

You felt him hook his fingers through the small gap of your hands, tugging at your palms until you let them fall from your face and into your lap, still refusing to look at him.

"Babe, c'mon, what's got you so upset?" he said softly, brushing your hair away from your face, swiping a tear away with his thumb.

"I don't know how to word it" you said quietly, wiping your nose on the sleeve of your shirt before finally raising your eyes to his. "And it was making me frustrated, and now I just feel st-stupid" He pouted at you when he saw how sad your sweet face was.

"Okay" he said with a nod "I understand, you're okay baby" he said reassuringly. "Can I take a guess at what you were trying to say?"

You nodded.

"You like the discipline yeah? The rules, and the structure; the routine" he said matter of factly.

"Yeah" you said with a grateful sigh. "I like the way you make me feel when you do stuff like that"

"Come 'ere" he said opening his arms. You crawled forward until you were sat on his lap, straddling him, hands instantly coming up to play with his guitar pick necklace. He smoothed his hands up and down your thighs, fingers tapping lightly against your bum. "Have you ever had someone do these things for you?" he asked.

You shook your head quickly. "No, you're the only person I've made it this far with, with the whole uh, sub and dom thing"

"Why don't we go sit at the kitchen table yeah? We can start a list" he asked patting your bum to encourage you to stand up, grabbing his notebook with one hand while holding onto yours with the other.

"No" You whined softly. "Wanna stay here n'talk about it"

Eddie laughed, placing his notebook, back down beside him. "Alright baby" he kissed your forehead. "What do you think you need me to help you with?"

You sighed, leaning down so you were flat against his chest, his heartbeat thumping calmly in your ear. "Everything?" You mumbled into his chest.

"Everything huh?" he teased, running the tips of his fingers up and down your back.

You shrugged shyly, nuzzling your face into his chest. "Don't know"

"Don't get all shy on me baby" he said poking your cheek, causing you to smile and looking up at him through your lashes.

"Why don't we start off with things that I do to you or for you already that you know you like?" he suggested.

"Okay, that seems like a good place to start" you said sitting back up, hands flat on his chest as you pushed yourself off of him, sitting with your legs crossed next to him.

He leaned over to grabbed his pencil once more, one hand still on you, an 'I'm not going far' gesture before opening his note book to a fresh page. "So" He said with a smile, sitting up next to you. "What should we start with?" he leans onto his elbow on one of his knees while writing with the other hand. He titles the page "Princesses Rules" You blush and try to hide it.

The two of you sit and go over rules, discussing what would benefit you the most, and what sort of punishments to put into place, and after a few minutes the two of you were satisfied with the page in front of you.

"Now you gotta promise me one thing baby" he says turning to you.

"What's that?" you asked with a raised brow.

"You gotta tell me right away when you feel like this, no more keeping it in okay?"

You nodded.

"This is both of us working together, and if you bottle it all up, I wont know how to help you when you need it" He paused to smile at you. "-and what we really don't want is me punishing you when all you really needed was a hug, because we didn't communicate alright?"

"Promise" you said happily, holding out your fist, pinkie finger held up. He wrapped his own around yours and pulled your joined hands to his mouth, kissing his own hand to further prove his point.

//that thing people do cause tumblr deletes paragraphs apparently//

[thelampisaflashlight]

Occasionally, I, like, "forget" I'm mentally ill.

I'll have days where I'm anxious/generally just not doing well in the ol' brain box, and won't be able to place why, and then I remember, "Dude, your brain chemicals are fucky. Take a moment and reassess."

And while having an awareness of the fact that I have a bad brain doesn't stop the physical symptoms of it (you have to kinda gear down from that, ya know, doesn't just go away like magic) it does give me more clarity.

So sometimes I'm just sitting there, trying to do basic shit and shaking.

Like, I will be trembling and struggling to use my phone, because my fingers won't cooperate, and I will be fully aware of the fact that it's because I'm having an anxiety attack, but can't do a damn thing about it, so I'm just there, frustrated at myself.

But also, because I do CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), it's me going, "I know why I'm upset, however, I cannot control this reaction beyond what I'm already doing." and that makes the part of my brain that doesn't like not having control screech.

I go for long periods of time where my stress/anxiety levels are at, like, a 7/10 from the point I wake up until I go to bed at night.

My head's so screwy sometimes that things that are arguably/actually good happening fucks me up.

Part of it is down to genetics/being born this way, and the rest stems from trauma and the side effects of going through a majority of my life without being dinged as anything other than a functional human being.

Did I have my intelligence questioned a lot because my anxious mind needs to ask for clarity/clear instructions on things other people think are obvious?

Yes.

Did not having the resources set forth to help me learn how to deal with this/having people see me as "normal" but stupid make me want to stop asking questions and just beat me down into a person who just went along with whatever or just do nothing at all?

Also yes.

Sometimes, I wish I had had more help growing up, but I also look at the help I did receive and go, "This wasn't helpful or what I needed." or "Why did they let this person be in charge of x or y when they clearly hated it?"

Stuff like that, ya know.

Mostly, I just think if I had known as a kid what was going on inside of my head/had more words to describe how I felt I might have been better set up to tackle the world around me.

But, then again, I could have also wound up exactly where I am now, and I have to wonder if I'd see that as a grander, much more painful fall than the one I took entering into society.

[jellybeanium124]

adhd vent

cannot believe my psych might require me to do like $3000 and 16 hours of testing to """"prove""" I have adhd. give me 10 minutes I will leave you without a shadow of a doubt.

every couple of months I have this day. I never know when it will happen. but very rarely, I will have a day where I can just... do things. call the people I need to call, email the people I need to email, clean my apartment, run errands. I can get like 4 or 5 things done and I have to fucking milk it when it comes because most days are not like this.

most days getting 1 thing done is a win. getting nothing done is average. getting nothing done + being so filled with bees I can't even focus on stuff that's meant to be entertaining for more than a minute is a bad day. if I get the closing shift there's a 70% chance I will do nothing else that day because I do not have any sense of how time works and am worried if I leave the house to do groceries I will be late for work. on a good day I can do laundry before a closing shift. I never even remember to contact people until a time where I can't (at work, night). I can't even begin building habits like "exercise" because I don't want to do it and forming a habit for something that is technically unnecessary for my survival and I don't want to do is impossible.

there's a decent chance I will do absolutely 0 things on my days off because I'm so beat from work. this is part of why I'm getting into records. I have to LEAVE THE HOUSE to go to a record store. and because it is FUN and I might get a TREAT (new record) I am actually able to sometimes do it. this would be less of an issue if I had more friends where I lived. But Circumstances happened and now I only have one friend where I live. all my other friends are in [HOMETOWN]. I'm working on a second friend.

everything has an exact place in my apartment and if something isn't in its place (or for objects that move a lot, like my phone, one of its few places) I have Absolutely No Fucking Idea Where I Put It. I still have my TI-84 calculator from high school and I still use it if I know I'm gonna do multiple calculations in a row bc I will not remember the previous answers and the TI-84 records it for me. I keep it in my desk drawer. once I thought I lost my phone for like 10 minutes because I used my calculator and then put my phone in the drawer when I was done with the calculator. it took me forever to retrace my steps and realize what I did. I forget things one second after they happen.

I was constantly struggling to turn homework in on time from 7th-9th grade (12-14) and I only "fixed" that problem by developing severe anxiety over turning in homework late. and then I lived with severe anxiety during school years from 9th grade through my freshman year of college (14-18). idk why it suddenly didn't come back my sophomore year. probably because I moved out.

I wanna work in the film industry but that's driven by my effort and I can't even fucking remember I should be doing something about it most of the time!! and then reaching out to people is so difficult! sometimes for anxiety reasons but sometimes I just can't work up whatever I fucking need to work up to respond to an email. I love this work and once I'm on set I'm a hard worker and generally good (people seem to like me) but getting on set has been damn near impossible and not just because it's a difficult industry to break into.

this has just been my life. for 10 fucking years. and it's worse now because I don't have the structure of school or my parents looming over me. I only pay my rent because I have a calendar alert set up every month. I only pay for wifi and my credit card bills because they let you set up auto payments. my roommate is in charge of the electric bill and whenever they text me what my half of this month's payment is I have to venmo them immediately or it will never happen. when my calendar alert to take my birth control pops up on my laptop I don't let myself close it until I've swallowed that pill. when my alarm goes off telling me whatever's in the oven needs to come out, I don't shut it off until I'm out of my seat, otherwise I'd accidentally keep watching youtube or whatever and burn everything. everything's a calendar alert, everything's on a timer, I have a physical fucking whiteboard calendar on my desk to remind me of everything. if I didn't have these things set up and I didn't force myself to be diligent about it, I'd never remember when I needed to go to work, and banks and landlords would start coming after me.

my car is out of windshield wiper fluid. only the driver's side window goes down. the AC's out. and most recently the aux cord stopped working (this happened before and I got a new cord which worked for a short while so I think there's something wrong with the car). and I haven't fucking found the time to take it to someone and get it fixed. my AC is out!! in june!!! and I can only open one window!!! and I suffer because the car still technically works and drives me where I need to go and since this isn't life threatening or otherwise immediately pressing I have no idea when I will get to this!!!

I just want the days where doing two things being a major accomplishment to be a thing of the past. I want it to be a distant memory. I want to be able to function like everyone else.

you don't need to send me to someone for 16 hours across two days and cost me $3000. Idk what more proof you could possibly fucking need. give me the goddamn pills that will make my brain work.

[windvexer]

1. Can divination be thought of as setting a specific future in place, "collapsing the waveform" so to speak? 2. Whether or not it actually does - whether or not it is rational - how does one deal with the guilt of divining something bad and then watching it happen?

Divination does not control the future.

You cannot accidentally make bad things happen by thinking that they might occur.

Having a spiritual moment with a pack of cards does not give you the power to control the future.

It is not rational to believe that you have the power to accidentally manifest bad realities if you use divinatory tools. This is not a safe or healthy mindset to cultivate. You should not entertain these thoughts.

You should consider examining your beliefs about how you think divination "works," and choose some healthier ones.

Every hypothesis about how divination works is just trying to map the abstract. None of them are final or absolute. If your map of divination leads you down the path of anxiety, burn it and get a new one.

Over about 16 years of being a diviner, I have hosted many different beliefs about how divination "works." I can assure you that it works fine even if you have the "wrong" beliefs about it - but some beliefs can certainly just drive us to anxiety and all sorts of problems.

"My readings might make bad things happen to people" is not a map anyone should be using to navigate divination. You do not need to be following that hiking trail, my friend. Circle back around and choose a new path to take you to better places.

Guilt is based on agency. In my experience as a diviner, our role is in most circumstances to be a passive observer who removes themselves from the equation as much as possible. I do not feel guilty when I perform readings of bad futures, because those futures are not my fault. I did not cause them, encourage them, or collapse other possibilities.

Often, I feel privileged that I am placed in an opportunity to help someone avoid something bad.

I understand the anxiety of performing a reading that's all bad news, and I have seen the bad news play out many times.

But I can't be guilty over it, because it's not my fault. If my reading uncovers an unwanted future, I can choose to warn people about it, help people with it, or deliver the information and let that other person do what they want with it.

I sometimes feel bad in other ways - especially social anxiety that people will blame the messenger. But I don't get guilt.

Because to think that the future of others is somehow about me and my actions, and I'm responsible for it, would be the height of hubris.

I'm not the main character. The future doesn't care about my oracle cards. The future is popular, and surrounded by many friends. It doesn't even know I exist. And if I were ever able to get its attention, I doubt it would entertain my opinions about what it's supposed to do with itself.

[umemiyan]

1, 13, and 15 for the omegaverse ask game with umemiya?

EEEEEEEEEP okay let’s do this 👀👀🫶🏻 i also had to put mine under the cut LMAO oops i can’t shut up

omegaverse selfship ask game

1. what roles do you and your f/o fall into (alpha/beta/omega/etc.)? what’s the dynamic like between you?

unfortunately i cannot deny ume the alpha role. nor can i deny myself the omega role in this one 😔 usually i feel more beta or even alpha-coded in general, but with ume… it works. i can’t help myself.

but the dynamic is not overly traditional actually. at first glance, it may even look like we have opposite roles; hajime is a little more “soft” and “doting” than one might expect of a typical alpha, while i have a somewhat more rigid or domineering presence at times. but we have ✨layers✨

the hormones do tend to do their thing and pull us in somewhat different directions to where we are more inclined to act out of typical character at times. BUT DON’T GET IT TWISTED! i am not exclusively his little submissive and breedable doll, nor does he always go into super mega big alpha man mode. it’s a little more subtle and flexible overall, and we both work to take care of each other pretty equally depending on what’s needed or wanted.

13. are you and your f/o considered officially “mated”? if so, how and when did it happen? are there physical marks involved?

……almost 😳 i think we both really want it, but i’m more reluctant about sealing the deal. hajime’s instincts sometimes want to take over and mate me regardless, but he ALWAYS keeps himself as in control as possible. he respects my anxiety about it and wants to wait until i’m ready even if our bodies are screaming at each other to just do it.

it’s actually getting to the point where it’s hard for us to get too sexually intense because the self-control is starting to become difficult to maintain, even for him. we’re syncing up and otherwise behaving like true mates because the soul/psychological bond is so strong that it’s practically creating the real thing whether we like it or not.

so… if when it does happen, i can see myself being the one to initiate the actual mating bond 🫣 hajime’s at his wits end trying to hold himself back, basically saying we have to stop immediately or else he won’t be able to keep himself from officially mating me. so i just….. bite him 👀

15. to what degree are you possessive of one another and/or aggressive towards others?

outwardly on a typical day, not all that much. but we both have our moments.

hajime is rather easygoing and trusts others to respect the boundaries, but if they don’t, his attitude can certainly change. he’ll often offer a small warning at first (you know that moment where he’s telling sakura “kotoha’s just mature for her age” ? yeah. scarily cheerful and intimidating) but if that doesn’t do the trick then the smile leaves his face.

he’s actually a bit more overprotective than he seems or even realizes at times (like he is implied to be with kotoha), especially if i’m in a heat cycle and/or he’s in a rut. his patience gets a little thinner and he has to fight back any instinctive aggression that bubbles up beneath the surface.

i’ll have more stark moments of possessiveness during hormonal periods as well, but he usually puts them at ease. the trust we establish over time makes me feel less inclined to be envious of others who spend time with him or feel aggressive towards anyone who appears to want him. but if someone goes TOO far, i’m of course prepared to act, and it isn’t pleasant.

[she-said-hello]

i want something like what u and @nsfwcarpetmuncher have so bad. i think we all deserve to hear more about u guys. we want to know everything! :3 i have a few questions.

can u describe emma?

what is she like out of her account?

is everything mostly sexual between you both or is it more than that?

really want to know what she looks like can you describe her face if shes comfortable with that?

is emma always dominate with you?

do you guys talk a lot?

how does emma make you feel?

-👻 ( from emmas inbox )

- emma (@nsfwcarpetmuncher) is absolutely wonderful. she is the kindest person ever, always so encouraging and sweet to me. she is ALWAYS there for me no matter what. we've had some really intense and difficult conversations where, in my past, people absolutely would have left me to struggle alone but she has always stayed with me and listened and helped until i told her i was okay. she shows her emotions and is vulnerable, but she's also SO fun and funny. she tells the best stories. she is also... whew... so sexy. she's able to turn conversations on me sooo quick until i literally have to drop what i'm doing and touch myself. she makes me soooo weak. loves to surprise me with unexpected photos/videos and sends lots of voice notes, which i'm obsessed with because her voice is my favorite sound in the whole world. she has the cutest laugh and most soothing voice and i swear one of the most common things i say to her is "let me hear you" or "talk to me" because i love hearing her. she is so beautiful inside and out.

- she is a lot more goofy than how she is on her account lol. the account is more for like the dominant, sexual side of emma (which i am very much obsessed with) but she isn't like that all the time. she's VERY romantic and sweet and soft and sentimental and silly

- there's definitely lots of sexual stuff, but it is absolutely more than JUST sexual. it's fun and romantic and emotional and sad sometimes but so exciting and fulfilling and so so much more than just sexual. she's my best friend, i love her to pieces.

- she posted a short video of her face a while back i believe! might just have to scroll back a bit. but oh my god she is gorgeous. she has the sweetest smile and the most beautiful green eyes. i love seeing her face just as much as any other part of her.

- as much as she'd like to say she's always in control, we BOTH know that is not the case hehehe. i am definitely very submissive with her, it just comes naturally, like i swear i turn into an puddle for her SO fast lol. HOWEVER i do know her weaknesses and have been in control at times. she acts like she hates it but i KNOW she secretly loves it ;)

- unfortunately we have a 6 hour time difference which definitely is not ideal, but we talk CONSTANTLY when we're both awake. we joke that it takes us hours to respond to everyone else but we read each other's texts immediately lol. so yes, we talk a lot.

- emma makes me feel a way nobody has ever made me feel. gonna try SO hard not to cry while typing this but am definitely failing lol. i have an overwhelming amount of insecurities and anxiety about myself and my body. because of this, i have never let anyone get close to me in a sexual way. emma has somehow managed to make me feel so comfortable from the very start. i have shown her things i would never imagine showing anyone, and she ALWAYS makes me feel so good. showers me with compliments and praise and i truly have never felt sexy before in my entire life, but the way she reacts to me actually makes me feel attractive. she makes me feel absolutely ravenous for her, like oh my GOD that woman is. incredible. cannot get enough of her and her body. truly, i will never get tired of seeing her. aside from all the extremely intense sexual feelings she gives me, she makes me feel SO loved and cared for. she makes me feel heard, and respected. she makes me feel pretty, which nobody has ever been able to make me feel. she makes me feel SO happy but also makes me cry a lot because of all the barriers between us. she makes me feel like i have something to look forward to every day, and that i have some sort of purpose because she makes it known how much she cares about hearing from me. she makes me feel at home.

[sparklesandlonliness]

I’m coming to the end of my therapy journey of eight years. My therapist initially suggested ending after a long period of stability, and I thought about it for a few months and agreed. I feel I have the skills to navigate my intense feelings, even when they’re hard sometimes. I learned many helpful things, and I wanted to write them down. I understand these things apply to me, and I am not trying to invalidate anyone else’s recovery, as all of our journeys/tools are valid. What works for me might be shit advice for you. ❤️. None of these were easy and still are a work in progress

1. Not everything requires A+ effort all the time. It’s okay to put a C effort when you have to. I could not finish my degree, and I kept dropping classes once I felt I could not be perfect- wasting time, money and etc, but then I learned that it’s okay to turn in something that might get a D. As long as this isn’t a habit all the time, it’s OK. I actually got my degree and could make progress without dropping. I know that my perfectionism makes me put %120 into things when I think my effort is only %70.

2. Importance of anxiety management/self care ie. meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, stretching- anything that feels manageable for physical tension. Enough said, it’s so much easier to relax when not clenching every muscle

3. It’s okay to have boundaries, advocate for yourself, and not blame yourself if the reaction received was negative: I’m not in control of others. I always evaluate whether I am fair and listen to the other side. Still, I’m allowed to feel that criticism isn’t an accurate representation of me or my beliefs and character.

I’m allowed to say no

I’m allowed to have opinions different than other people

I’m allowed to be myself

I also expect myself to treat others with absolute respect, and listen to ideas and agree/disagree in respectful ways.

I am allowed to walk away when a situation harms me.

4. Accepting emotions is vital: I used to push them down, but they’d get big like a balloon and eventually pop. Letting those emotions out in healthy ways was helpful for me. Emotions aren’t scary, and it’s okay to feel them fully. There’s no such thing as a destructive emotion; actions can be dangerous, and I need to take steps to control them, but there are no destructive emotions. All emotions indicate to me that I need something. Sad=i need comfort, anger= I’m not being treated right, how can I change this; grief= I need to process and feel my loss..

5. Doctors/mental health professionals are human, too, and can make mistakes. I worked with a psychiatrist and therapist for a long time, and it progressively got worse; I believe he was great as I’d seen other participants get stabilized, but his approach didn’t work for me. So I took the initiative and switched, and found my diagnosis was incorrect; from there, I started a new treatment modality and began to stabilize.

6. Coping skills aren’t always there to make me feel better—they’re there to create distance between me and painful feelings. I really paid attention to how much better I could cope when I didn’t dwell for too long.

7. Symptoms come and go, and they probably will for the rest of my life. Accepting this is vital- although I’m in recovery, I still get depression, and I set aside time to throw myself into it- I listen to really depressing music while crying. I let myself think about escapes that may not be healthy, but I use coping skills to reel it back in so I can be safe with myself. It feels great to validate tough emotions.

8. Accepting reality for what it is- this does not mean I’m in agreement with it, but for now, this is what reality is. A silly example is, say I drop my ice cream, I don’t like it. I can either get pissed, put myself down and feel worse, or I can say, it happens, we all do it, and this is what it is right now- I’ll be able to change it later, and maybe I can get ice cream later. That mindset helps me with pain. Fighting it or arguing with myself about how things should be only put me deeper into the hole of despair and pushes me further away from my goals

9. You deserve to celebrate small or big successes. I write down things about myself that make me happy. Even if I got out of bed, and that’s all I can do, it still counts. It does not serve me to shit on myself for not doing enough. If anything, shaming myself will cause more procrastination because I’m now carrying a heavy load of self-hatred.

10. Your voice vs. your abuser's voice-know the difference. I realized all my life that I carried my abuser's voice in my head, and I did not use the information I believed about myself. This required a ton of digging about the origins of many of my core beliefs. Once I realized the majority of my negative self-thoughts were actually my parents' thoughts, I was able to separate from them and see my authentic self.

I now know:

I am not a bad person

I did not deserve abuse

My abusers had their own demons and that was not a reflect of me.

I will not harm myself any longer because of the disparaging things they said about me as a child.

11. It really helps to check and change thought distortions: am I thinking in all-or-nothing? Only seeing positives/negatives, discounting any positives about myself and others? After, I rewrite a more plausible explanation. There’s thinking patterns really impacted my depression- I was always thinking the worst

Example: everyone hates me-look how she’s looking at me

Evidence: she is looking at me, she keeps staring at me.

Alternate explanation: she’s just looking around, I’m feeling a bit insecure, but so far everyone has seemed welcoming and even if they don’t particularly like me, I’m able to handle that. I can’t make assumptions right now.

Having a balanced view of people is so helpful, too. Most people are neither all good nor all bad. We’ve all done shitty things, and most of the time, our intentions were not to harm someone. I had to work at challenging my assumptions of others. Usually, people are trying the best they can with what they have.

12. Slow and steady shows more results than quick, rushed action. I used to rush and feel like I had to do everything right now, but I saw more progress when I slowed down and actually listened to my body. I have a chronic illness, and doing five things today may cause me not to be able to do anything for two days, whereas if I do three things today, I may be a bit sick tomorrow, but at least I’m still able to function. A ton more gets done for me using this.

13. I view my depression as honoring my past, instead of thinking of it as this horrible thing. As a kid, no one heard my cries for help, and now I see my depression as my adult self, hearing my inner child begging for help. I honor what that child needs and soothe them. Since realizing this, depression isn’t scary to me, and I don’t fear it coming around.

14. Going out and not isolating is important. Covid lockdowns along with therapy really taught me this. I thought that because I don’t socialize, it’s not important to go out. But I realized if I’m not chatting, being around others, just in their presence is helpful. It gives me a way to distance myself from painful emotions and stressors. I notice I spiral after days and days at home, so now I have rules for myself or how long I can go without contact. Even just using something like social media helps. I’ve had different Tumblr accounts for about nine years, and knowing I’m not alone is a really helpful feeling.

15. Building a life outside of my depression/PTSD helps it seem more manageable. When the only thing I had in my life was my mental anguish, anything going wrong would multiply it. Now that I have various hobbies, friends, things to do, etc- my pain feels like a small section of my life.

16. Just because others talk shit doesn’t mean you should do something to help you. I have a chronic illness and use mobility aids; my family hates this- when I began to do it- I felt better. It was hard but worth it.

17. Recovery is not about the absence of symptoms. It’s about managing them. It’s okay to feel intense and crisis feelings, but knowing how to deal safely, ask for help when I can’t, and attempt to take preventative measures to prevent crises is what recovery means to me. 

All of these things led me to self-acceptance. I’m still pretty anxious, but I understand myself and feel I can move on with my life. I have made many strides in progress and will continue to do more. I used to have many addictions, food, etc etc, but after these discoveries about myself, those urges disappeared, and when they do come up, I now know how to manage them. I never thought recovery was possible, I thought I’d continue cycling through hospitals, but that’s not my life anymore.

Some of these things may seem obvious, but I really struggled to grasp them as my childhood was filled with abuse and unrealistic expectations; I wasn’t allowed to have a “self,” I had to be an extension of my parents I wasn’t exactly like them, I’d face consequence, be called “mentally ill” have my reputation ruined, be physically/mentally harmed and it took years to unlearn this. Years of suppressing my authentic self cause profound depression, isolation, PTSD and various addictions.

[snowball-maltese]

I’ve been having some anxiety over stuff I see about trans stuff here on tumblr. Mosty just intrusive thoughts. But I always get uncomfortable when I see stuff about ftm bc it makes me feel self-conscious and anxious. Like I have to do that stuff to be happy. And I’m not trying to say trans people shouldn’t express themselves on this platform bc it makes me uncomfortable. That’s just wrong and disgusting. Everyone should be able to express themselves freely and be able to share their experience here :)

But I feel like sometimes this platform makes me feel like because I like to play as boy characters in games or because I’m attracted to women that I’m trans. Like I almost feel pressured into the LGBTQ. It’s not like people are doing it on purpose. No one is saying “you have to be gay to be normal” but I feel overwhelmed by it sometimes and scared that I might do something drastic that I’ll regret or that I’ll do something that I’ll later realize this isn’t the way I really wanted to present myself.

And after thinking about it a lot, I realized my gender dysphoria is deep rooted and a side effect of my upbringing and society as a whole. I grew up in a household that was pretty old fashioned. My father was 47 when I was born and my mom grew up in the Philippines, which can be conservative about stuff like that. I grew up thinking that only girls can like hello kitty and princesses and that boys can only like superheroes and cars. As a result of having an older parent, I grew up watching some pretty sexist shows without realizing it. I saw women in sitcoms doing girly things and figured since I don’t wanna do that “girly” stuff like doing my makeup that I wanna do boy stuff instead, later coming to believe, because of tumblr, that I might be trans.

I just now realized that this all came from the fact that society, especially in the eyes of people controlling a lot of the world’s economy like toy companies and fashion companies, see women as a certain thing and men in a certain way. Stereotypes of women and girls and stereotypes of men and boys are so normalized in the world we live in that some people don’t even realize they’re present and harmful.

I believe that no one should have to worry about whether they look too “girly” if they’re AMAB or worry about not being “girly” enough if they’re AFAB. I feel like there is a deep flaw in society if a young individual feels pressured by what they see in media about what it means to be a boy and be a girl. And coming onto such a diverse place like Tumblr at a young age such as 14-17, they might connect what they see about gender roles in society and what they see about people transitioning on tumblr (or any platform really, it’s not Tumblr exclusive of course!) and feel like they must be trans because they don’t fit the gender stereotypes of their assigned gender at birth.

People should be able to like whatever they want and not have to worry about feeling like they don’t fit in for liking ponies when they’re “supposed to” like spider man.

People should be able to love wearing clothes that makes them happy. Dresses, suits, hairclips, or ties, no matter their assigned gender at birth!

And if you feel like transitioning is for you, then yes! Go for it! I am so proud that you have fully chosen the path you think is right for you. But I feel like this world is fundamentally flawed if someone has to worry about how they dress or what they like just so they’re “normal” or otherwise they’re trans!

The other day my dad was telling me a story of an individual who was wearing a dress and saying things like “he’s embarrassing himself.” Let the bro wear a dress if they want! Let’s break down the stereotypes of men and women and just let people be people! People shouldn’t have to worry about people going “oh that person is so weird for liking the wrong stuff” “oh that man is so cringe for wearing that necklace” “that girl really should stop pretending to be a boy” I wish all hes, shes, theys and everyone else and in between would be able to express themselves without having to feel scared that they’re doing something wrong by being themselves!

LET PEOPLE LIVE THEIR LIVES WITHOUT HAVING TO FEEL PRESSURE BY GENDER ROLES

Tl;dr- Society’s gender stereotypes are harmful to young people who might be having body image problems, and no one should have to feel pressured into thinking they have to transition just because the world thinks they “don’t do the right things” for their gender.

You should love your body the way it is and you should feel comfortable in your own skin! Your body is beautiful just the way it is!

And if you feel changing it is what is best for you, then go for it! Because at the end of the day you are still beautiful no matter what the world thinks you’re doing wrong!

Gender roles do not equal gender identity!

This is just my take of course! I don’t want to offend anyone at all, I am just sharing how I feel about this and what my experience with this topic are. I’m scared to post this… but I feel like it’s important to put out there!

Is anyone still reading this?

[the-pea-and-the-sun]

this is another "post that was in the tags of another post but the tags got too long so now its its own post" post

so i saw another post abt saying "thank you" instead of "sorry" and i remembered how i first saw someone giving that advice a long time ago and it made me realize how much ive incorporated it into my speech since and how helpful its been. like ive heard this advice get dunked on a bit since then but it rly is so much better for both parties. like ive heard it helps some people unlearn shame about their own harmless actions but even besides that its made so many conversations so much easier for me. saying 'i appreicate u being patient btw ik i tend to ramble/get excited' or something is sm better than 'sorry i talk sm' cuz the latter might make the person feel obligated to reassure u at best but the former makes the other person feel like they r a good friend for listening to u. and ofc other ppl have said this before but i just kind of wanted to share the ways its been useful for me.

whenever i suddenly realize that ive lost a bit of self awareness and control when rambling thanking the other person for listening/being patient while i get to my point is gen sm more helpful. like even besides the fact that theres no point in apologizing for something ultimately harmless that ive always done and am never gonna be able to stop from happening sometimes it lets u jus kinda keep talking seemlessly too. like if u say sorry an they're nice theyll prob stop and reassure u, which sucks bcz if you were just enthusiastically rambling abt something u probably dont want the conversation to suddenly turn into a conversation about the way you tend to ramble. assuming the other person is willing/would like you to continue and you're not done you probably just wanna stop and be considerate of the other person for listening real quick before continuing, and thats why an thank you allows the conversation to continue much more smoothly than an apology.

an ofc it applies to other situations too if u feel the instinct to offset shame to combat ur social anxiety this gives u an alternative to apologizing, which other people have talked abt but theres a lot of unspoken communication that happens in an apology vs a thank you that most people arent even aware is happening. like i started saying 'thanks for hanging out w me i had fun!' after outings an ppl always seem to respond well and it kind of helps to offset my anxiety abt if a social outing went well. like thinking "what if i committed a major faux pas and everyone knows abt it but me" sucks because there isnt a way to address those feelings directly without basically accusing the other person of secretly being mad at you, but what you can do is acknowledge as far as you're concerned, the social interaction went well (not to mention if the other person is having the same anxieties you are this can be helpful to them to). like well at least they know i had a good time an enjoy/appreciate their company thats all i can do. i did my best to be kind and respectful and if i did something wrong and they aren't telling me i simply cannot account for their feelings. however they felt/feel abt it is out of my hands.

anyway i might edit this post later cuz i gotta go to work i just had to get this out real quick hopefully this is helpful to some ppl :)

[bisluthq]

I feel like we attribute medical diagnosis so easy now. And the way I have seen people talk about depression...as if people get better when they make an ""effort"" and that you should get up and get better so you don't hurt your partner. It's all just very...insensitive. You also don't diagnose depression just like that. Joe never hinted at having depression, just anxiety. And I think it's a bit dangerous inferring that just from Taylor's music when she equals being sad to depressed pretty often. We saw Joe going into his work and doing his thing. If he was depressed, it doesn't seem to have been in a non functional way, paralyzing way. It's not like he was in a cave isolating himself.

Maybe I'm projecting a bit, because I have struggled with general anxiety for years. I avoid places with crowds, I don't like public speaking, I immediately create the worse scenarios because I don't like feeling out of control of what might happen, I'm also constantly feeling panicked over things that I create in my head. It's a bit like living on edge. You never know when your mind is going to disrupt your peace.

I also have had periods where one would call depression episodes. But I never diagnosted myself with depression, because I feel like that's an actual very serious thing that lasts a long time and only a competent professional would be able to tell me if I am just a bit more moody and more sad than usual or it's actual a whole thing. Because it's normal to feel sad and maybe if you're more anxiety prone that sadness can still take you to dark places. Over the last few years, I started to have less of those episodes by my own accord and also not lasting as long so I'm inclined to believe I just am a bit more prone to mood swings.

My point is idk if we could or should label Joe as being depressive. We don't know how functional he was/is as a human being (we do know he was still filling his job obligations and wanting to work) and if he really was just deeply not well for months and months or he just had periods of time where he needed to be more alone and more introspective. Maybe he would get like that when he felt triggered by a certain event happening, maybe his sadness had specific causes. People are allowed to be sad about something happening to them and doesn't go away in a day or two. Or maybe you're just unhappy with aspects of your life and can't quite figure out how to deal with it. Being depressed isn't just being sad. It also involves a whole lot of real life consequences and disturbances.

this is what I’m saying. I’m sorry you struggle with GAD. I get anxious sometimes but I know I don’t have GAD and like my anxiety is a side effect of my tendency to get depressed (opposite to your thing) and I’ve recently been diagnosed with PDA so that too. Like I know I feel really bad that I’m letting friends and loved ones down but sometimes I’m just not able to function. On those occasions, all I want to do is lie in bed and fuck around on my phone and I’ll surface for like work obligations mostly but that’s about it. The rest of the time, when I’m in an episode, I’ll lie in bed or on the couch and I will drink because as my therapist says that’s my exit and then I have a reason to not do things because I’m yk drunk. And I’ll feel dreadful about the whole thing which can manifest as anxiety but the real problem is my mood and it’s a… serious problem. It’s not an “oh I’m so sad” thing like it’s a “if I’m not gonna get paid for it then I might as well not bother with today” thing. I don’t know that Joe has that problem lol - I tend to think he’s just stressy depressy, same as Taylor. And I think people throwing it around is mildly irresponsible.

I will also say again lots of people throw these things around like I said my bf said to me tonight like he thinks he’s maybe bipolar and I was like “lol why do you think that???” and he was like “idk I feel really good about life mostly and then you’ll do something to piss me off and I get in a mood” and I was like “okay so that’s called being a person?? Come the fuck on??” Again, I lived (as in my stepdad not a partner) with a bipolar person and that’s not how it was? It literally was highest highs ever followed by like him locking himself in their room and my mum having to sleep on the couch. It was dreadful. And like I don’t get the high highs but I do get the wanting to lock myself in my room things and it absolutely sucks but when I’m in that space like I legit just can’t deal with anything?? And I think people who don’t struggle with it just don’t understand.

it’s also like I’m in recovery for an ED as I’ve shared before and I’m actually quite good at that - the recovery part I mean - but when I say I can not eat for seven days+ I legit mean that. I don’t mean like orthorexic I only ate healthy foods like I mean like I can literally eat NOTHING and subsist of only Diet Coke and black coffee and white wine if I’m offered the latter. And cigarettes. Which is funny because when I was full blown ED I didn’t smoke but I’d eat like one sandwich or salad a week and exercise a ton and only consume Diet Coke and black coffee and at that point not even wine because it’s got too many calories but like vodka and diet soda water because that fucks me up so 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Anyway.

moral of the story is I’ve got serious fucking problems lol and I am sorry you have GAD and it sucks Taylor and Joe are stressy depressy but that’s not a real diagnosis like that’s just being a person.

[themanifestingbrat]

◞◜❁ How to deal ❁◝◟ with intrusive thoughts & doubts when manifesting

As I was working on my self concept and strengthening my beliefs, I still would constantly get intrusive thoughts and doubts and it would really upset me which took me down a rabbithole of being a victim. But after watching a few videos and actually implementing them, I was able to reduce them and even use it as reassurance that I'm successfully saturating my mind with the new.

The good news is your thoughts don't manifest. You are not your thoughts. The worst thing you can do is give power to your thoughts and waver/spiral as if you're not in control. Before I get into ways to handle them, let's briefly discuss what intrusive thoughts are and why we have them...

Intrusive thoughts are those thoughts that come out of nowehere, they are usually not aligned with what you want or want to be. They can overwhelm you by giving you stress and anxiety. They may even be aggressive and intensely fearful. When these thoughts come up, you might think about your current circumstances and unwanted scenarios. And if you give into them, you might feel guilty, shame, or even physical discomfort.

I believe these particular thoughts come from your ego as protection or from your old self (depending on what you've experienced or been taught.) Your ego/old self want you to believe these thoughts so you can remain comfortable and to protect you from the new/the unknown. I like to use these as indicators that I'm saturating my mind and my ego is going into panic mode.

Now, how can we deal with this?

✻ Let them be. Surrender to them without trying to change them. If you start to resist them and try to flip them out of fear, the thoughts start to grow bigger and becomes more destructive. The more you try push it away, the more it comes back. So, just observe it, allow it to exist without giving it energy in either direction. Remember, you assign meaning and power to everything. ✻ Befriend your ego. Sometimes the voice in your head that says those mean and hurtful things may seem like they are there to sabotage you or hold you back. But look at it as your friend trying to help you. They want to protect you from discomfort, hurt, and pain. They are not always right, but listen to it (not to make it to true) and see what wisdom it might have to offer. Most likely, it's trying to protect you from experiencing something that has cause you pain in the past. ✻ Question it. Most of the time, your intrusive thoughts were true at one point. In the past, you may have had an emotional or traumatic experience that formed a belief. And now, as you're saturating your mind with the new, the thoughts can come back trying to remind you of the past. You can ask, 'Is this true for me now?' Nine times out of ten it isn't because it doesn't align with your desired reality. You can also ask, 'What memory or emotion is this bringing up?' If you're able to pinpoint a memory, you will be able to process and heal it. Sidenote: if you consider yourself an overthinker, I wouldn't recommened questioning every intrusive thought.

✻ Tweak your affirmations. If you love affirming, here's what you can add to your affirmations to saturate your mind quicker and ease the doubts.

I am/have ___ and that's a fact. I am/have ___ and it is done. I am/have ___ because I say so.

Get creative and use your own vocabulary!

I hope this helps and if you have anymore tips or recommendations, I would love to hear them!! ✿✿✿

[femmefatalevibe]

Hi Femme! How to overcome driving anxiety? I used to always drive with my mom and now I’m driving on my own (I’m not new to it) but I am trying to gain more independence from my household. (Also I’d love some tips on how to be independent from my family/parents being someone in their twenties- while being under their roof).

So yes ! The driving thing, I have been met with aggressive and angry drivers sometimes that shout at me or honk multiple times (often for small things and it’s not always my fault) and I’m becoming scared when it comes to driving. I usually have fun driving and I dance to music and blast it and now I’m uncomfortable doing that due to the behavior of some drivers spoiling my mood. How could I combat this and feel free again when driving by myself?

Thanks so much !!

Hi love! I wish I could help you with the driving thing. But, honestly, I've never driven a car in my life (it's not uncommon for natives in the area I'm from to not learn how to drive/get a license)!

So, speaking from an anxiety-oriented perspective, I would say to focus on the goal when driving – get where you need to go safely and stay aware of what/whoever else is on the road – and remember the rest is out of your control. You never know what other people are going to do/say, so you might as well do what you enjoy if it isn't harming anyone else. Acknowledge their feelings are their own, and let the rest go. Enjoy yourself knowing that you have freedom and the autonomy provided by being inside your own vehicle.

Living with your parents as an adult is tough. I don't know how strict your parents are or the degree to which you depend on them, so the boundaries you set can most certainly vary depending on your unique circumstances. I would say the best thing you can do in nearly all cases is to have your own daily routine/rituals. Have a morning routine, workout schedule, lunch break, and some alone time or social activities scheduled throughout the week. Share in advance that you won't be able to during these scheduled times. Leave out as much information as you can when you deem necessary. Know how to do all of your own chores, cook, clean, learn how to manage your finances, learn how to navigate the professional world – take informational interviews and coffee chats, master the art of resume and email writing, read books, explore your interests – clearly define your own values, interests, and goals independent of your parents' approval or desires for you. Remember: The privacy we always have access to is that of our own minds.

Hope this helps xx

[cynicaldom]

I’m starting to explore sex & sexuality with another person (longtime lurker here but always did solo stuff) and we’ve been experimenting. I’m still figuring out whether I’m on the dom/sub side. Some aspects of dominating & control really turn me on... but outside of that, I don’t have a lot of desire to lead. I have a strong fantasy to be blindfolded and tied, let her be in charge, and give up a lot of control. I find much more attraction to being submissive, free, and being hers. (I’m also asexual so I think that’s part of why “leading” is difficult for me — I don’t have a ton of instinctual desires to guide me and fall back on. It’s genuinely scary being in charge bc I feel rudderless.)

At the same time, outside of the bedroom, I am a natural leader. I ask questions and listen well; to my anxious friends, I am the stable rock in the storm of anxiety; people ask me for advice and listen to it (sometimes too much, it’s frightening sometimes). I’m even at my best when I get to plan dates and romantic activities; I am decisive and form plans, and people seem to enjoy and trust me when I lead them.

All of this to say that, across all of the blogs I follow here, all of them display an archetype that I feel like I am hopelessly unable to fit. I want to be able to help & support my partner by being a leader, except when it comed to sex I want someone who will take charge and free me from the decisions, planning, etc. I can’t be the only person like this, but I feel like it’s rare and I’ll be unlikely to find someone who matches me in this way.

I hope you see this bc you & Amy have great content and I respect your thoughtful writings / posts on here! Cheers.

@amysubmits is on tumblr much more than I am so I asked her to chime in, but she ended up saying everything I would. I want to emphasize try not to stress fitting into an archetype. Nobody fits anywhere perfectly, and more often than not worrying about something like that just makes things worse. The rest is from Amy:

I definitely agree with you that here on Tumblr (and probably in other D/s or kink communities as well) about people who take the same “role” inside and outside of the bedroom (or play). But of course that isn’t how all people are. It’s certainly possible to be a sub during play but to be a dom otherwise. As far as how easy or hard it might be to find a partner who has needs that alignment, I really can’t guess how likely or unlikely that is? I think finding the right match is tough for almost everyone, but I’m sure there are people out there who would enjoy topping/domming in the bedroom but who are subs or ‘followers’ otherwise. You mentioned that a few aspects of dominating or control excite you as well - so depending on how significant those interests are, you might be able to find a good match with someone who likes to switch in the bedroom but you could be their Dom in the lifestyle sense?

It’s also common for people to enjoy power exchange during sex or scenes but to not have any agreed-upon power exchange dynamic outside of play. So if you like to lead but don’t necessarily need or want full spectrum D/s as far as rules or protocols or so on, you could have your playtime where you sub and then the rest of your relationship could just be based on your natural personality, so you’d be able to lead in the ways you naturally are inclined to, but not have a formal/intentional D/s agreement outside of play as long as your partner doesn’t need or want that. 

It’s easy to feel like the norm in D/s is to look at a few different categories that exist and smush yourself into one of the options. But in reality, a lot of people don’t fit perfectly in the popular categories. Even for those of us who have a bedroom role and a lifestyle role that do fit fairly well into a category, we may not fit into other kink categories perfectly such as cg/l or m/s or whatever. I like to advocate for customizing your relationship based on what you and your partner need and want when it comes to rules or titles and other things…but I think the same applies for your whole relationship, really. I hope you’re able to find someone who has needs and wants that are well aligned with yours! :)