#sometimes i want a disability story that doesnt suck

[madtomedgar]

I agree with what everyone is saying re needing plot summaries and representation style marketing being incredibly annoying but also sometimes i am in a bookstore and what i want is a (good) book (for grown ups) that is by for and about gay people. And since there's no gay bookstore anymore here (pour one out for calamus and also wild child) and bookstores (rightfully probably) don't categorize fiction by identity group, it can be really hard to find that outside of recommendations. And it would be nice if it was easier. Jussayin.

[bulldagger-bait]

This is probably an unpopular opinion: so, i'll just preface with: Im saying this as a person with disability and chronic illness:

At a certain point its a bit shitty when people keep cancelling plans. I know sometimes health can get in the way of things but when you're ALWAYS reaching out to your friend and they are ALWAYS cancelling on you, it really, really sucks.

I don't cancel plans often. Usually I go through with them, even if I feel like pure death. I will save up all my energy for a day to see my friends. I put in that effort, even if sometimes it causes me to flare. And yeah, I could stand to tone it down a little, but I really dont like cancelling.

Because I've had friends cancel plans on me. a lot. And its usually people im trying to get back into contact with. It sucks to be cancelled on, and even though you know the person isn't doing it maliciously, after a certain amount of times it just starts to feel like they dont actually want to see you.

Of course you need to look after your health and comfort, but I sometimes feel like people can focus too much on prioritising their comfort over their relationships. Relationships are hard work and unfortunately, that sometimes means pushing through exhaustion and pain for someone because you care about them.

Disability and illness can be really isolating. In order to get rid of that loneliness, it means meeting up with people. And adjusting to living with disability and chronic illness means learning to balance those two forces. If you find yourself always cancelling and notice that your friendships are fading, you're not acting in your best interest. You are going to have to be uncomfortable and push yourself. You are going to have to put effort in, or be content with people pulling away because the relationship is becoming one-sided.

It should also just be basic etiquette that if you cancel on someone, it should be your responsibility to reschedule. And you should try not to let the person down again.

Like, I get it. Im sometimes exhausted and in pain and dont feel up to hanging out. I do it anyway. Because its good for the relationship, its good for my mental health, and its good to push your boundaries sometime. Its like exercise a muscle, if you dont push it, you dont get stronger. You dont grow.

It sucks to put in all that work, and get nothing back. It also especially sucks when it feels like your friend gives up on plans at the slightest hint of resistance. If you cancel, maybe try communicating why.

But in general i think that people have become too blasé about this kind of thing. Yes, life gets in the way, but at a certain point you have to stop victimising yourself and realise that youre treating people badly. You're not the only person whos struggling, and you owe it to yourself to try and do something that will make you feel better long-term -- like fulfilling relationships with others -- rather than prioritising short term gains (like getting to rest)

TLDR: cancelling plans sucks, and getting cancelled on sucks too. Remember, its never just one person losing a friend, its always at least two, and thats awful. Dont let yourself fall into the trap of neglecting your relationships. Part of taking care of your wellbeing means taking care of your social health too.

[autismcatboy]

a series is not bad just because its pace, themes or focus isnt what you expected. it might not be the show for you.

i love fluffy, tooth rotting romance as much as the next guy. but i dont expect that from i hear the sunspot, because thats not what the story is about.

not every show is going to check every box and ive had plenty of series i stopped after dozens or even hundreds of chapters because as much as i wanted to like it, it just wasnt for me. that doesn't make them bad, because i can understand why people like them.

continued below, spoiler free but addressing specific themes in i hear the sunspot

i love the slow pace i hear the sunspot has. it feels more realistic to how some relationships develop in real life. i love the focus on personal growth, realizing your past biases and where you couldve been a better person but were selfish, presumptuous or inauthentic. this applies to every character in one way or another.

i love seeing the internal conflict, struggling to get your feelings across and wanting to throw in the towel. it isnt easy maintaining relationships as an adult. i have friends i wish i could spend time chatting with every day but it just isnt realistic to expect when we're all working adults with responsibilities we cant get around. ive gone days without talking to people i consider some of my best friends. it doesn't mean we dont care. it isnt always easy to find the time to actually talk, meet up or sometimes even just send a text.

its extra hard to communicate when you have a history of trauma. wether thats an isolated trauma or something prolonged that you havent been able to actually process and come to terms with, it makes it hard to think. sometimes youre stressed and pulled so many different directions by life that things slip away. it doesnt mean you dont care or it wasnt higher on your priorities. we all forget. we all fumble. we all make mistakes. we learn from them.

disability is much more than physical. kohei and maya have obvious physical disabilities but i think the series addresses more than that. trauma can be disabling. many of us dont have great childhoods or relationships with someone who helped us learn how to be decent people. many of us have deep insecurities, that we try to hide. and sometimes the things we do to try and protect ourself hurt us more. we run, we push others away, we get mean. because its easier to say on your terms when someone leaves your life.

it doesnt mean we dont care, when our fears get the better of us. it just means we make mistakes. and making mistakes means we can grow, be kinder to ourselves and others.

i hear the sunspot is about all of these things. a story about overcoming hardship, things that we didnt get to have a say in and cant fix, making hard decisions for yourself for once instead of considering others before you, chosing the unconventional path because it makes you happier, unlearning the things that no longer help us, and pushing through obstacles we dont even realize are keeping us from makes us flourosh. all of this, before being a story about romance.

both of taichi and kohei have a 20+ years of baggage in some form. romance isnt that easy when you have things you carry with you that youve subconsciously pushed so far away that you dont know its not part of you and you can let it go, and that those things make you behave rash, impulsively or like a doormat who just tolerates what people give you.

i understand peoples frustration with the pacing of the relationship in the drama specifically but want to gently point out- we knew how much of the series was going to be adapted and at the very least, it wasnt the whole thing. its fine to be disappointed but to say the series sucks, or has bad writing and direction, or all these other things that just dont line up with what the story is actually for, is just unfair. the story has never had romance as the main focus. does it have a relationship between two men? yes, so it is a bl. by definition, thats all it has. you can criticize the showrunners, directors, executive members for the way they chose to advertise the series setting up your expectations wrongly but it is not the fault of the series for telling the story it exactly set out to do.

its okay to not like a show or drop it because its not meeting your expectations. its not okay to keep coming back every week, when people have been saying what to expect, and then being mad when its exactly that. youre wasting your time and setting a tone that the things people love about the series are wrong. you can let it go.

why would you order soup and then be mad when you get soup?

[soul-dwelling]

Do you ever feel like shonen manga just doesnt appeal to you anymore? To me, it seems I have finally outgrown it mostly, even the ones I still like for nostalgia I take in more unique directions in my own stories

I've been trying to get more into certain Shonen Jump chapters each week--and some are a hard sit.

For ones I really like that didn't last as long as I would like, and that did something to modify the genre / demographics (Magu-chan is cute; Candy Flurry was fun, had a girl lead, was dessert-based powers, even if the plot wasn't anything groundbreaking), there are ones that drag.

(And, spoilers as of today, Tuesday, November 22, 2022, for My Hero Academia's chapter coming out on Sunday, because GOOD GOD, THAT CHAPTER SUCKS, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT? Like, sorry, but this manga, its plot, and its "surprises" are such bullshit and exhausting. I'm not even complaining about the mutant plot: I can point out so much that doesn't work, but I can appreciate the intention--but I am also a cishet white man who is so not being critical enough of this manga and its mutant plot given my privilege. Honestly, MHA at least tried to discuss disabilities and has at least acknowledged them [even as I think there are still flaws in the marketing--given what is coming up in the anime, I am curious whether the marketing is going to stick with pre-war Aizawa, Mirko, etc, or actually show them with their disabilities in future marketing / merchandise]. But I can't look at the mutant plot with regard to prejudice and bigotry and not find that plot lacking and flawed--and while I think it is fixable, I don't think I'm the person, in my position, to yet suggest enough fixes. God, this manga needs a hiatus and another review by editors. Sometimes, when we are in a world of fascists, we want to see a fascist lose, not constantly doing "BWA HA HA, you did not anticipate I would do this next!" If I wanted poorly thought out JoJo villain shit, I'd...not want that, because it's poorly thought out JoJo villain shit.)

Some of this I'm sure is with age--not because age brings wisdom, knowledge, or taste (it doesn't, not necessarily), but because you get exhausted seeing the same thing over and over again without something more surprising and creative. (Not to ignore the value of nostalgia letting you enjoy things over and over again to calm yourself--we'll get to that in a moment).

But then again, there are current manga for younger readers that I still get joy from reading, even at my age: Blue Box is engaging; Akane-banashi is educational; I'm not excited for the Undead Unluck anime due to the studio behind it, but I love how this supposed final arc to the manga is paying off so much setup; PPPPPP has surprising art.

Spy x Family...Maybe I'm being hipster about this, but as much as I enjoyed the manga, there does feel like a point where it got less enjoyable (Twilight's back story being introduced so abruptly after that weird choice to have Anya get in trouble due to a new character). The current manga has some surprises (Damian's mother, the current plot). But the anime? This is my fault: if I came in the anime first, it looks great; if I come into the manga first, it doesn't capture the energy and movement as I imagined it would--so, again, my fault. I've fallen off of some episodes. I mean, Nightfall is coming, and she's a lot of fun, and the story arc there has so many gags and so many moments of excellent animation...but if the animation isn't pretty enough (more on that below), why do I want to sit through the same story again?

There are definitely long-running manga that I'm more excited to see payoff and how they end (One Piece [more on that in another reply], Blue Exorcist...just being done with MHA because, again, good God, that twist and this chapter are fucking enraging and are going to piss me off all week...), but at least I'm still interested in how they end (minus MHA...seriously, that twist is pissing me off--I just want that manga to end, right now). And there are some that are shorter manga but now starting to wrap up (Servamp), and given the twists in them (you know, _good_ twists, not whatever the hell MHA just did), I'm excited to see how they wrap up.

But sometimes you want something for a slightly older audience, or something that is more challenging plotwise and characterization-wise. Bungo Stray Dogs is about the only seinen I can stomach reading right now--because it's the closest to shonen that I can think of (motley crew, broad personalities, fighting, high emotional stakes, dynamic character interactions, an entire world and history to explore not just in the main manga but in the anime, in light novels, in films).

I have more to say about nostalgia another time. But notice that nostalgia kick coming in again in anime and manga production since about 2018 up to today.

Sorry to be petty, given my lack of knowledge of series lore, but from what I've tried to watch of it, who was asking for a more faithful Urusei Yatsura anime except people who are nostalgic? It seems more, "People know Inuyasha and Ranma, let's do this now," and I try to watch and think, "No."

Why are people still invested in a Soul Eater reboot--when we know how Chapter 113 and the prequel twist crap are going to turn out when adapted?

"But I want to see pretty animation!" So do I--in a good story. If the only excuse is "to make it more pretty," I'm not here for it. That's like doing a remaster of a video game without fixing the gameplay problems.

That's not to say the role of nostalgia in driving more animation and more manga is all bad, though. I'm happy for people getting more Fruits Basket content--because the entire manga never got adapted, so, yes, go off, make that series again. I'm happy for people who like Trigun and Blood Blockade Battlefront getting new anime: I enjoyed both series, I want a more faithful Trigun anime...even as I am not into the new visual choice (the new Vash design looks so much better in 2D than 3D).

So, it's not that nostalgia is bad--it can be good to give people the story _again_ when they are older and can appreciate it in new ways. I do think there are audiences that get more out of Fruits Basket now than when they saw the first anime.

(And as I suggested above: nostalgia can calm us down--rewatching and re-engaging with something familiar makes it predictable, so you're not panicking over plot twists that seem chaotic and poorly thought, maybe because you aren't giving the story time to let those details unfold and show there was logic to the writing...or maybe because it is chaotic and poorly thought.)

But for every Fruits Basket, there is yet another Dragon Ball that, sure, fine, but I'm not sure is going to give you something new characterization-wise when it's still about power-ups, new designs, and new characters, rather than digging more into the ramifications of what Goku has done (I think Super did a great job actually reflecting on what Goku and others got wrong in the past--and need to stop doing).

So, to actually answer/respond to your question/comments:

It's not that shonen doesn't appeal to me anymore--but as a trend right now, it seems like the same as in any year: good stuff cancelled way too soon, some new exciting stuff that replenishes my enjoyment, and some stuff that really needs to end already.

I don't think I've outgrown it. Shonen keeps being though of as for young boys, when we have seen enough in readership that it is for more than just young people and more than just any one gender.

And yes, I definitely get more enjoyment writing fanfic ideas from these manga, or imagining how you could revise the stories (because, again, MHA needs a rewrite), or to fill in back stories (Mephisto in Blue Exorcist could get three or more other manga series, given how long he has been around).

[gorematchala]

I think my final verdict on FFXV is that it sucks really bad but, as a movie, I like watching it suck cuz theres good stuff in there, and its just kinda fascinating overall

The game has absolutely no value to me in terms of actual gameplay. It's got bad combat on top of tedious open world bullshit. Don't care. But as movies on youtube...

Kingsglaive is actually kinda good, but that may be biased by the fact that Aaron Paul is the lead, and also that I watched it immediately after Advent Children which is the worst garbage ever. The story has two plot threads that proceed in a logical manner and then converge at the 70% mark and resolve in a satisfying conclusion. Thats all I can ask of a film. Advent Children sucks so bad I still can't believe it after 48 entire hours

The main game movie is mostly inoffensive even though it only kinda makes sense? It's totally fine once you get what's happening, but there isn't enough information in there. But I like Noctis, and Ardyn is the best. There are other characters as well

Episode Gladiolus is nothing

Episode Prompto was shockingly bad, like holy fuck. The shit opens on 3 minutes of walking in the snow, followed by Metal Gear, then Prompto has a meltdown because he finds out he was grown in a tube, which doesnt really seem to do anything for him. Like he isn't extra strong as a result or anything. So he tries to burn his barcode off and hes screaming and crying in the snow while I'm sitting here remembering how little of a fuck Noctis and them give when he tells them. Like all this shit happens and hes freaking out and they go yeah who cares. Then he spends 25 minutes shooting an RE5 turret at a big worm. Awful

Episode Ignis was kinda cool. I like Ravus well enough and Ignis is at least capable and good at what he does if nothing else. I think I came around on him despite his britishness because Prompto is annoying and Gladio is kind of an asshole for no reason randomly. And the realest moment in the whole base game is the two of them arguing over whether or not Ignis should be allowed to travel with them like he isn't there listening to them. That and Gladio dealing with his own frustration about everything that happened at Altissia by yelling at Noctis for being sad while Ignis is blind. Basically using Ignis's situation as justification to vent on someone. In the middle of this weird chopped up shell of a plot they take a moment to very accurately portray how the people around someone will often make their newfound disability about them. It was neat

Episode Ardyn was both the best and worst part of the whole plot. It justifies his motivation and shows you exactly how we got where we did, but at the same time, it sucks when Bahamut explains that none of this matters because it was preordained by fate. It made me feel for Ardyn because he almost existed outside that fate but was still bound by it. Cursed to spend his whole life waiting for Noctis to be born and kill him, just because that's the hand he was dealt by his own brother. Or was it his brother? Was it fate? Where did the plague come from? Why does melting people give him their memories? Why can he sometimes stop time? Who decided upon this prophecy? Why was Ardyn made the embodiment of darkness? Why did killing him solve the problem?

The whole thing is stupid when you view it as a series of events that happen just because they have to. But there's still something about it that makes me want to like it. Maybe it's just the ghost of Versus XIII. The promise of spending the game walking around that city instead of driving through the desert. Idk. But at the end of the day, Noctis is really good in Theatrhythm and he's fun to play as in Tekken, so I guess it was all worth it

[ruminate88]

Actually, believing in yourself:

This is hard for me, because I grew up in school being told I had a learning disability, and I had zero confidence. I never felt smart enough to do stuff…… My mom worked very hard to reprogram my brain to get me out of that abuse! She tried so hard to get me to do things on my own, and I admit, I made it hard for her as I was afraid, sometimes to do things on my own, not feeling like I could do it……

so I don’t believe in myself like I should and I don’t feel confident at all! I don’t feel strong I feel very very weak! Forgiving and getting over my ex Andrew, who I believe emotionally abused me has been terribly hard because I just don’t believe in myself I just feel so weak and vulnerable. I feel ashamed that I’m still sad over him. I feel ashamed that I can’t stop thinking about him… people from the outside that don’t know me and hear my story, complement how strong I am, and I’ll be honest I don’t feel strong at all 😣 I feel so stupid! I know Andrew doesn’t have that much power over me… Although some moments it does feel like he has full control even all these years later, because he won’t leave my mind! no matter where I am or what I’m doing even no matter the situation, no matter who I’m talking to; in the back of my mind I hear his name over AND OVER, “Andrew Andrew Andrew you miss Andrew you love Andrew why doesnt Andrew love you back?” this voice inside of me calling out my name saying “you miss Andrew sooo much this sucks! you love him!!!! you want him but you can’t have him!!!!! you’re not good enough for him!!!!! you’ll never be good enough for him….. He hates your guts so much and used you, he tricked you so good! he played a game with you. He messed with your head. He thinks you’re stupid.” Ugggggggh 😣 it’s a constant war in my head and I laugh out loud because laughing is the only thing that helps me push through the thoughts!!!!

I dance, I scream, I cry; I pray, I roll up in a ball and over think, I binge watch old tv sitcoms trying to laugh and drown out the thoughts for Andrew.

I say over and over “I can forgive him and I wont text him cuz I don’t wanna disrupt both of our current lives. I don’t wanna cause worse problems.” So I get up and try to walk forward but then when I do walk outside, something ALWAYS reminds me of Andrew or I think I see him. I even think I see him driving next to me on the road and I suddenly go back into the many thoughts of “it’s never gonna be over, you miss Andrew still.” But it is going to be over!!! I don’t know the exact moment or the prayer it will take BUT these thoughts will not win!!!!

if I can leave the relationship and keep myself from texting Andrew, the next step is only to block out the thoughts and work through my many emotions! I CAN do it but I know I’ll push back. I know I’ll give myself a hard time and I might even kick and cry like a child but I WILL overcome this problem. I want it to just happen now and be over with but life doesn’t work that way. Sometimes you gotta really toughen up and also the lessons and the wisdom you will gain in the situation will be more valuable than you know!!!

[trashcankitty12]

I recently finished Season 3 of Miraculous...

And can I just say I'm salty as fuck?

Marinette isn't a perfect protagonist, I get that, but she doesn't deserve the shit she got this past season. Especially where Lila and the class are concerned.

Like i get that they believe her because everyone in the class is pretty cool and has connections and its like "big deal she does too". Except the ones she claims to have connections too can easily be checked by google. Or that world's version of google.

Not to mention how everyone immediately believes Lila over Marinette about the bullying thing.

Like didn't most of the class grow up with Marinette?! How the hell could they just believe some stranger over someone they've known for years and years?

Not to mention Alya. I... I loved Alya. I did. But she has broken a cardinal rule in journalism. (And I would know, my degree was in journalism until my health got bad). You always fact-check your sources. ALWAYS.

And Bustier? The teacher? She reminds me so much of my past teachers that it pisses me off. She just lets bullying happen. Maybe the worst she does is a "strong talking too". But she also turns on Marinette pretty quickly. Even says she should be the "bigger person" because she is the "example". Like wtf?! She's like 14, maybe 16 at most. You're the damn teacher. Do your job.

And Damocles! How can he believe Lila or Chloe (though I have hopes for Chloe, I've seen her good sides) over Marinette when Marinette only has issues with lateness? And doesnt that school have security cameras? I know in america, most schools have hallway cameras and if someone tried that "pushed down the stairs" routine, it wouldn't fly due to looking at footage.

Not to mention her "disabilities". Anyone with those disabilities would have notes and doctor statements sent to the school. Its just the way it is if you want your child to be successful. You tell their teachers and faculty what difficulties they have. Not to mention, if someone had been pushed down the damn stairs, they would be sent to the nurse immediately for examination. No one did that for Lila, they just assumed she was honest.

And the truancy?! Yes Lila lied to her mom and her teachers, but does no one think to fucking check?! Seriously does no one think to contact Lila's mom about anything? Like falling down the stairs or her apparent being "bullied" and all her "illnesses"?

I mean American schools aren't great at a lot, but when a student gets injured on campus, they alert parents if for no other reason than to avoid lawsuits.

And Adrien. I get the boy isn't very socialized due to his upbringing, and that due to his dad's emotional abuse and manipulation he isn't good with conflict. I get that. But damn it, sometimes the high road sucks. And not only that, but lies actually do hurt.

Especially the ones she told about Jagged and Clara. If anyone actually believed those, they could be in legal trouble. Especially Jagged since he could be considered a pedo if what Lila said gets out.

And lying about Ladybug? How did that pass by Alya?! Ladybug would never give up her identity willingly (at this point). So why to Lila?

Not to mention, loudly proclaiming yourself as Ladybug's BFF could get someone hurt by Hawkmoth. (Though Lila works with Hawkmoth.... So... Add terrorism to her list of crimes.)

Honestly this whole situation just pisses me off and I hope it gets resolved soon.

Good lord this whole story arc sucks.

[trickstarbrave]

Question, why are your dice so expensive? I could buy several chessex sets for the price of one set of yours and I don't see the appeal at all. Why are you making them so expensive and then expecting people to buy them up? If you wan't actual customers I just think you should pay more attention to the price dice actually go for than jacking them up so high. Not to mention this isn't a great time to be asking people to buy expensive things like that... It's selfish.

first of all these arent chessex dice. if you want mass produced dice go right ahead, i own a lot of them too. theres nothing wrong with buying and collecting just that and if you want a lot of nice sets theyre a good way to go. but mine are not mass produced, and the reason mass produced sets are so cheap overall is because they are, well mass produced. you make a lot of them. the molds to make them and the big machinery are investments larger companies make in order to make a lot of dice. when you divide up those costs between hundreds upon THOUSANDS of sets of dice its not that much. 

my dice are handmade. im not saying you should buy them because theyre handmade if handmade means nothing to you. but because theyre handmade i can do a lot of things mass production cant do, like different effects, inclusions, and having sharp edges polished. again theres also a lot of effects only mass produced dice can have as well, so its not like i can do anything and there are pros and cons to each. but if youre asking the appeal, well then there are certain things youre only going to be able to get handmade. 

and because theyre handmade theyre more expensive expensive. if i charged what chessex does for theirs done nearly fully by machine i would be paying myself 2 dollars or less per hour and thats not even factoring into costs of materials or equipment. i have to hand make the molds, hand mix and pour small amounts of resin, i have to hand place tiny little embeds, i have to cut sprues and sand edges all by hand (before i would use a power tool a bit and do for other things now). i had to buy custom masters 3-d printed. i had to buy a pressure pot and air compressor so i could stop having failed casts filled with bubbles because of temperature fluctuations. i had to invest in sandpaper, polishing papers, a dremel. i had to buy silicone, and failed at making molds sometimes and had to eat that cost. i had to learn how to cast resin, different mold making methods and why they worked, how to sand and polish epoxy, how to use different materials. i had to buy every inclusion, all the resin, all the pigments and mica powders. and this doesn’t include the time i have to take to make every listing, photograph dice, social media management, and more. this is something i like doing yes but i cant just spend so much money on equipment and then just give them all away for basically free. 

and lastly i do know dice prices. i kinda have to. every single price increase was due to better equipment and learning, better materials, and done to try and adequately pay myself for my labor. i’m still, at best, getting about 10 bucks an hour which in many places isn’t that great and isn’t enough to survive on. im making what is barely a livable minimum wage from years of training and experimenting and honing a craft. and its not perfect, no! my dice probably arent the best you can buy handmade. there are people better than me and people who have been doing it longer. which is why mine are about middle of the road for handmade sets. ive seen them go as cheap as 25 bucks a set to 150 bucks a set. 60-70 is about where i feel rn is comfortable for the amount of time i put into it and my skill level. 

again i also cant tell you to buy from me rn. i get money is tight. i get theres a lot going on. ive also made donations, ive been unsure of things during covid. many people have lost their homes, or dont have proper food. if you can afford my dice i am not mad at you or upset, right now shit sucks. maybe you can never justify that much money on a dice set, i get it. i dont know you and dont need your lifes story. i dont want to make you feel you need to sacrifice even more to buy them if you dont want to or even cant and im not trying to pressure you into it.

but i cant fix all of these problems and i am not some multimillionaire demanding you cough up as much money as possible so i can hoard more wealth like a dragon. im a disabled lesbian. i was trying to be employed before this though a work program and that was set on hold as most places closed down entirely, and i sure as hell am going to be one of the last people anyone wants to give a job to in reopening. this is basically all i have to make money atm. and while times are tough i feel for some people things like a want for art or entertainment wont die. theres still ppl buying video games and art commissions and nice clothes. just right now a lot of people who would probably love to cant. and since i have no money i cant buy any of that other stuff rn either (luckily my gf and roommate have jobs so we can afford things like, food and rent). 

again buy chessex or any other brand of mass produced dice if you want to. if you dont care for expensive kinds dont buy them. im not going to force you to or guilt you into it. spend your money how you want to. the post was mainly so people who like that kind of thing and have the money for it can see it and make that decision for themselves. and if you personally dont like my stuff you can buy from another handmade seller if you decide you trust them more, i dont mind. im just... tryin to get by. making some dice. seeing if anyone will buy them so maybe i can make more bc there Isnt Much Else I Can Do Like This. 

tl;dr: dont buy my dice then and buy cheaper dice it doesnt hurt my feelings if you dont want to/cant buy what i make im not your mom i cant tell you what to do???? i am just trying to get by im an artist and im disabled idk what u want ME to do exactly in this equation 

[tomiyeee]

finished the story quests for bl3 (but barely any of the side missions yet) and i got...Opinions(tm)

(sorry if this doesn’t cut on mobile! also if you want to hide spoilers i’m tagging all my bl3 posts as “bl3 spoilers” so ny’all can blacklist it)

in no particular order:

i honestly wanted to give gearbox some slack and try my best to like this game bc i know people had probably unfairly high expectations for this game given all the build up, but they really just kept letting me down in everything but the graphics

said this before but overall, the characters are all Quite lackluster

^^ tyreen and troy included. adding the word "bitch" to every sentence does not automatically make it funnier

that being said, i super love their backstory + relationship with typhon/nekofeyo-whatever

the character designs are equally boring. moxxi was the only one who got a real improvement imo. lilith and maya are okay. rhys...i dont think i have to explain. lia...i dislike her hair; the black felt like it balanced out her design better and the white streak was interesting and cool but full white just looks bad tbh. zer0 feels less sleek and more bulky which doesnt fit him much. tina lost her pretty color palette and cute outfit. where are all the bright pretty color palettes in general???? there are other colors besides brown and black???? use them?????

ending of pre-sequel: “you will need all the vault hunters you can get” me: “ooh does that mean all the vh’s from previous games are back? i can’t wait to see everyone meet each other! :D” bl3: only nine of them come back, 3 of them die, the rest are involved in maybe one mission at most

boss fights. super. boring. and tedious. i mean this could be partly because i was playing on ps4 which made it extra not fun but if the only reason the fight is difficult is because they have a lot of health...it's not fun or challenging. i want fights like handsome jack with interesting mechanics. i want fights like angel with emotional impact. i want fights like the pre-sequel final boss that i forgot the name of with variation that isnt just "now they have an attack that shines bright lights in ur eyes, covers the whole arena, and can knock you down in one hit im looking at you traunt and killavolt". tyreens fight was the only one that i somewhat enjoyed because of this. all the others were just like "ughhhh again?"

im really enjoying melee amara playstyle. taking out badass enemies in four hits is my jam. this is just my fallout 4 playthrough all over again babey heck yea

typhon just wanted to be a good dad!!! he called tyreen starlight which is adorable!!! he did the best he could and tyreen hated him for it!!! i don’t blame either of them for that tbh, it makes sense from both their perspectives. tyreen definitely should have been more understanding, but she’s a dick so :/ (not saying this is a writing flaw, just a character flaw)

hammerlock needs higher standards in men but i really appreciate the undeniably in-your-face "fuck you" to all gamer dudes

i really. hate. how little the player character seems to matter in the story. in pre-sequel the vh's all had unique dialogue AND npcs would respond, sometimes even with character-specific lines. even when it was the same across vh's, it still felt like the npcs were interacting and speaking directly to them. the player character felt like a character of their own, rather than just a vessel for the player to do quests and kill enemies with or an errand runner for the important characters. i thought that was the direction they were going in with bl3 too but this just feels like bl2 only worse. there’s a separation again between you and the story and it feels like you’re just watching things happen. now ur not just a silent protagonist, but instead your a speaking protagonist who gets completely ignored. whats the point of including unique dialogue if it's not even acknowledged beyond an "uh-huh, moving on"?

sometimes the logic just feels kinda dumb. the twins killed/disabled maya and lilith in a heartbeat, they can literally disintegrate the most powerful beings in the universe, but the vault hunters? absolutely not. they must fight them for 40 minutes and then die.

after the fight with troy, no one even touched tyreen. there's no way they could have thought "yup she's definitely dead, no need to shoot her in the head or anything just to make sure. we didn't do anything to even hurt her, we just assumed." turns out she's 100% alive and gets up to start the apocalypse. who'da thunk! i know they wanted the end to seem more dramatic but it just seems stupid that they could have stopped tyreen like 5 missions earlier had they even the slightest bit of common sense.

lilith was one of the biggest threats to tyreen and troy's whole plan. of course they should leave her alive and simply steal her powers. let's kill the monk siren instead.

i know they didn't include this to give all players a fair experience instead of favoring sirens, but it kinda sucks playing a siren character and it's just completely ignored outside of ur action skill. tyreen and troy are sapping siren powers left and right, but they choose to leave you with yours. when you enter the eridian place with typhon tannis starts glowing because it has "something to do with sirens". what about the one standing right next to her? this applies to bl2 as well...jack i would willingly charge ur vault key for u pls why do u take lilith instead :'(

oh yeah speaking of tannis! i LOVE that she got angels powers. for some reason it just makes me really happy. maybe it's bc i think it's sweet that part of angel survived. maybe it's because it makes for cool fanart. maybe it's just cool. idk. also like that we got a solid explanation of what angel's powers were (influence over technology). i always thought her having control over it in bl2 might've been cuz it was hyperion tech and she had access to it same as she had access to the satellite from bl1. it wasn't super clear since it seemed like she could also materialize things like the ammo during her fight.

that also reminds me: all the dramatic reveals in this game felt kinda badly done.

the very first one with zer0/katagawa. like the whole time i was walking around looking for him i was trying to think why he might've turned/something must have happened to him or rhys. everyone was saying it was undeniably zer0. i finally meet him and take one look at his bright ass maliwan armor and its like. really. you couldnt have made it anymore obvious that thats not zer0. and then his helmet gets knocked off and surprise! it's not him. i totally didnt already figure that out with one glance 10 seconds ago. (maybe even earlier when you got glimpses of him around the building but i always missed it cuz i was looking at the fish tanks n shit)

also the tannis reveal. she was speaking to me in the same way that only known siren characters could. weird unexplained things were happening and seemed to be related to tannis. i wonder if she's a siren? surprise! she's a siren.

tyreen and troy knew about the great vault through some unknown means. typhon was talking about having a son and a daughter who he told stories about the great vault. typhon calls tyreen his daughter a while later and lilith acts surprised like honey ur a little slow, i figured that out several lines ago.

basically i'm not saying they were so obvious that i knew from the beginning of the game; i only figured them out a little before they were outright stated. but it was enough that it kinda ruined the effect and the characters acting surprised only when it was blatantly spelled out for them just made it annoying.

i feel like most of this is pretty negative, but i don’t mean that i hate the game and was miserable playing it. it was honestly okay...like i said i wanted to like it, but gearbox hates me specifically and killed/ruined all my faves just to spite me sooo...*waves hand back and forth in a sort of “ehhh” gesture*. i think my opinion on bl games from most to least fav would be: tftbl, bltps, bl2, bl3, and bl1. so it’s not the worst, but deeefinitely not one of my faves. i mean jack’s not in it (or if he is he doesn’t have a big role) so it’s already at a huge disadvantage. the ending was ok, it was all dramatic n stuff and it kinda makes sense i guess, but it was just about as okay as the rest of the game really. i don’t hate it but it’s not great either yknow?

[wolfwhiteflowers]

how to block a fandom.. ugh sigh  vvv

trying to not be so involved in the fandom or so. idk how. (winter hiatus is gonna be hell) 

everyone’s keep bashing on the show and saying mean stuff. be careful what u wish for.  

it’s gonna be fine. it’s just a show, u can do whatever with it, quit it, not take it seriously, or just #anti-

~~~~~~

i guess when a show is old and changing..or there’s a big fandom on online, there’s more fandom wank than I’m used to think there was before(the 1% theory). I’m more on the unpopular opinion-side (I always do). More bitter people and I feel like they’re missing out on some cool stuff that is still there, but they’re too bitter and impatient to see it. Fandom...internet places...people are generally negative? (people don’t like grey angsty arcs) Anyways, i just wanna focus on the positive stuff when i go online or to think. I understand some just wanna chat and rant, and some have other different reasons why they go online etc.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ok so i think u just limit to a lot of fandom things. some rules..? this is hard to do. just don’t go on it so much.

-***most of the time, people/fan don’t need the fandom. Fandom is just on the side. I feel like being part of the fandom is like being part of a group or family and just helping people out. It’s like you’re just making up extra time to help/squee/argue people. Idk ..I can not be part of the fandom. //Fandom seems to care about being right, shipping, fave’s attention. Not much on analyzing on story. People suck. -Give a F*ck budget, money, time, energy.

-****try to avoid places where u see people’s opinions(comments/posts) all the time or just view it in short time. (also avoid negative rude people ect. -only read on positive people’s) It’s hard because fan forum sites, there’s great convo/analyzing/meta discussion in there that u sometimes don’t see in it like tumblr. But, lately i see people hate-watching commenting. (like “ofc, showrunner does this.” “i hope rating goes down so my fave actor can have a better job opportunity, or show it in showrunner’s face my ship is better than the notp and the spotlight.” ..really a lot of fans say the same things in any fandom. is it even true? )

-kinda..avoid stans...shipper stans. they only care about a ship. ok that’s kinda harsh..but yeah they’re most likely to be bitter because the show focus on other characters/ships too. Also, skim past the dramatic/jealous-like posts. 

-..idk why, but people like to compare all the time. criticize and judge quickly. like ok....why not both (fave ships)? Why compare faves? Good thing the show is just focusing on everyone..ok. Oh, and the whole this character is “weak” ok ..so say it to a disabled veteran or an abused wife. sigh. I don’t want to see a show with perfect strong superheroes. BORING! This show is not a boring video game. idk..some people don’t think ...critically or long-term.. like come on..this show, most shows are about characters and them being strong emotionally and physically in their challenges. Also, another thing, idk why fans focus on what the writers are saying but not thinking on the other characters too. Like if the show focus on a character apologizing to another character. That character who apologized= fandom hates him/her. But this other character who is a dick but the show doesn’t address it and doesn’t redeem him/her = fandom doesn’t care or notice it. Another is that fandom don’t like complex character...female characters blah blah. Idk what’s my point here. fandom popularity? so just know that sometimes fandom is just so immature, annoying and rude. So, try to avoid it.

-not a lot of people are overall-fans, so...there’s more wank for me to see it. same with being a multi-shipper, i see more wank too. Like me shipping c@ryl and r!chonne. boy, i see hate on all of them on per character. (because people who don’t like c@ryl are not r!chonners...but they may also ship r!chonne. idk why it’s c ship vs. r ship. it’s just ABD/C shippers.)

-oh, thing about generalizing. People love to generalize. sigh. I should try not to be so sensitive in the fandom or I’m so caught up in fandom wank. i should not take it seriously when people generalize...anyways people generalize things and that always create drama/fandom wank. omg. ugh. Sometimes, these people are ones that just plain assholes. So, block them. Sometimes, it’s just they said it wrong and/or thought it wrong. So, idk. Try to say “IMO,...” “Some shippers...”

-idk if it’s accurate...but my theory or what i heard..is that the show is the showrunner’s/writer’s show. It’s not mine and it’s not the fans’ show. Everyone’s have different likes and wants. Writers can’t please everyone. I heard that it’s good that the showrunner’s stick to what s/he wants because it’s their story and it’s not giving fanservice to please different types of people all the time.If they keep pleasing other people, it makes the show inconsistent and frustrating. Criticisms is ok but I think showrunners know and see it and they decide what to do with it. 

- ratings. ok so that’s hard to handle. it’s just part of being a tv fan. it’s all show business kind of thing. just be realistic. show’s gonna end someday. hopefully there will be a good conclusion and how the writers want it to go for the show. nothing’s goes fair and perfect on shows. (like there’s actors leaving or canceling) I don’t believe in those theories on changing writer’s minds on character/ships and stuff.

-putting words into actor’s/writer’s mouth. i hate that. These fans are obviously biased and ..like entitled-fans. (kinda like bad irl shippers too) This annoys so much. No one knows what the actors/writers are really thinking. That’s their personal life and they have their own personal opinions. so, saying this actor wants to leave because the show sucks, character is not focused as much, or they hate their co-stars. It’s soooo dumb and so rude. u don’t know them. what if the actor wants to leave because of sick family or just want to change careers or whatever. I just would rather have the facts and actor’s statement to say what really is going on. I don’t wanna theorize on biased-rumors. I also..just not into actor’s life. Like I’m not into idolizing actors/other performers etc., because I just don’t know them fully and ..it always end up disappointing..(like omg she smokes? omg she’s a drunk driver? omg she got married to that guy eew why?). So, idolize ..a little. My point is..idk just skim past the entitled fans...

-i like this advice from someone, ... go to #showedits Maybe even go to #showspoilers.( Well to look at overall of the show and gifsets. but there’s still wank, so idk.)

-i feel like idk what to think about the show because i feel like I’m worried about the fans’s feelings/thoughts and wonder what’s their reactions will be this time after an ep aired. I’m so caught up on fandom that idk what i myself like on the show or think what’s right. ....So I take a moment to myself and think on what I like and don’t like in an episode. Write out your feels! ...don’t need to have the fandom anyway.

-always ask, do i still trust the writers? Does my fave characters still in-character and I understand where the story or season’s story is going? Do I still like it?// Just know what kind of show it is. it’s just a show on that day to watch. maybe not get so invested next time. Or, to quit the show, find a spot in the show and say that’s my finale ep of the show for me. ..and there’s fanfictions. just make one up in ur head, an ending, and then move on. These are all fictional stories, you can do whatever with it.

-if ya wanna rant negative. imo, i like to just write it out and tag it #anti- and put it under ‘keep reading’. idk, deal with it, on what the show is, realistically. grieve it. it’s ok to quit a show. /////sometimes, when im confused of the plot and get mad at the writers, sometimes it’s best to wait it out...sometimes the writers already know about the “problem/drama of the plot” and they make sense later on.

-focus on what u like about the show. Do fan art! look at fan art, read fanfiction, and fan videos! Write it out on what u like and speculate. get it out of ur chest.

-during hiatus, there’s more fandom wank. sometimes, just wait a day, the wank is not there anymore. so, do fan art, or just go look into another show and stuff. take a break.

-having unpopular opinions. oh well. what the majority say isn’t always right. idk just shrug and be proud of ur thoughts or crack ship. if it’s like unpopular opinion on the show’s writing, then keep in mind, and maybe the show isn’t for you and that’s ok. *it’s all what the writers want to do. The majority doesn’t know and change the story atm. This part seems to be the hardest..cos u can see majority’s opinions all the time and everywhere. Usually negative sigh. So my tumblr dashboard ..is all mostly one fandom-fans. eh. so i see a lot.  Just keep scrolling and know ..that person from that fandom, probably complain about something. 

-most importantly, I tell myself, “do i still like the show? Do I still wanna watch and see how it goes?” Then if yes, then so it is. It’s all about me..if I still like the show. My time, money, care.

-tired of negative talk of anything. sigh. idk. (why do they repeat the same thing and say it 25,375 times? nothing’s changed. it doesnt help me or u. just deal w/ur crap feels now and get it over with.) (some say it’s bad writing when it’s just something they don’t like. something minor. complain easily. basically..it’s just that it’s the writers’s show or they forget it’s a season-long arc.) i guess go elsewhere . fanart.

[askraviostuff]

☀gimmie ur salt woman

the salty af munday meme

☀ What's your rp pet peeve?

[If you’re sure cause I have a tank load of salt about RPs LOL…

1) Bad themes on RP BlogsLike how am I suppose to read any of this when your font is 5pt and contained in a box that’s maybe 200x200?? And I don’t even have a disability that would prevent me from somehow navigating these shoddy themes. Like I don’t mind iframe themes but like, please be reasonable with your size!! Graphic Design 101 guys if someone can’t look at your page for more than a second, people are going slam that x at the speed of light. I’ve considered making a blog to archive memes good for rp blogs for this purpose.

2) Ridiculous formattingI don’t mind formatting to be honest. Adding tabs, smaller text, it looks nice, but when people start adding all kinds of unicode junk to it it transports me back to a dark time when I used to RP on GaiaOnline and all the posts had to be fancy or you were a bad rper. I also am not a fan of when people randomly emphasize words that make no sense. I don’t mind emphasis, but when it’s used constantly it loses a lot of the impact that using bold or italics can do with dialogue. Too much of a good thing is in fact, a bad thing.

3) Not rping with doublesIt is one thing if your blog is private or not indie, but if you have a public blog that is meant to interact with various muses, saying you won’t interact with duplicates of a canon character is really ridiculous. This seems to be a new phenomena cause like I have never heard about this being an issue for people til recently. I mean, if you worry about interacting with other same muses will be confusing to followers then just indicate what blog is your canon and use the others as AU. That’s basically what I’ve been doing for years. Shit I will interact with other Ravios myself! I think it’s a lot of fun, it doesnt have to have an impact on your blog’s story if you don’t want to but some of my best friends I’ve met were through doubles and having a chat on skype with like at one point 6 ravios in it.

4) Reblog karmaYeah it sucks when you reblog a meme and no one bothers to take a look and send you something. They just reblog it and move on. My thing is though, you shouldn’t think you can police that though? If people don’t send you something in return then if you are mutuals, unfollow them! Simple as that. Or if it really concerns you, block them. Find friends who will send you something before reblogging. Though, shit, I don’t send ones to my friends sometimes cause I forget.

5) Unreasonable RulesThe need for rules is understandable. On most blogs they are relatively the same with a few tweaks and stuff. But then you get the 3 page essay rules. Or the people who hide secret words in their rules that you need to find and send. Stuff like that scares people off, cause most people either are too shy to send something to begin with or are too lazy to bother. Most people will read the rules, but keep them simple and don’t gate keep with a password.]

[mentalseimei]

I’m Tired of Pretending...

I found out my sister is pregnant and I cant handle this. I can’t handle my feelings. I feel so fucked up. I’m pretending everything is fine because no one close to me is having babies, but now that someone is... I’m pretending I’m fine. I know I’m clearly not. I just... I want to be a mom so desperately. I want to have my own little mix of my husband and I... But I know it will never happen. My body is a hostile environment to a fetus. It hurts so bad. I’ve been trying to have a baby for almost 4 years now... I’ve kinda given up. It just sucks and I don’t know how to deal. I want to be happy for her, but I can’t. I was told and I didnt even say congrats... I sat there emotionless... I had a panic attack in the car on the way home. I hate this feeling. I just want to end it all but I can’t... I mean... I love my husband so much but these feelings are starting to over take me. I’m trying to make myself numb so that way everyone is happy... except me. Like always. Its my life story. Literally my husband and my dogs are the best things in my life... But sometimes its just unbearable. Especially when everyone asks me “are you ok?” And i have to lie and say I am okay. I know they all know. I bet they even talked about it behind my back. How I would react. I was one of the LAST people to know. :( I dont know how much longer I can take this. She already took our friend. SHe barely been with the guy for about .... 8 months? and now they are having a family, while I’m stuck in a place I hate, barren and infertile. Even my dumbass sister has 3 kids that she doesnt take care of, and I can’t even have one. I can’t even adopt because of our situation. On top of being disabled... I just hate this. I hate this...

[gaberoothekangaroo]

uhhh. so. i did a thing. and now i am having Feelings™ at 3am and have no chance of going to sleep anytime soon

i made a mistake!!! i was writing and i became inspired by my left ear going silent and decided to look up info on deaf/hearing impaired persons. i thought it would be cool to add another “””””””disabled””””””” character to the list of stories id like to write. (personally, im tired of always reading about abled bodied white tweens. hetero white tweens. so what better way to fix that than to do it myself.) so i went to some hoh sites and watched a shit ton of youtube videos and pulled out the books ive got on it, and now ive fallen down a youtube hole.

to be super honest, ive always wanted to learn sign language but its...like coming up to a wall that you know you have to climb over, but you just have to figure out how and so you keep standing there and you might try to climb over it a couple of times but you spend the majority of your time staring at the wall because youre overwhelmed. same thing with my approach to sign language and braille.

for those of you that arent aware, ive got mid to high end moderate hearing loss in my left ear. things get muddled. a little charlie brown womp womp goin on. right ear, not bad. maybe a little fuzzy in certain situations, but otherwise pretty normal. i myself smush shit together when talking so. i was drawn to learning french because its a language built on lack of pronunciation and i excel at slurring my way through every speaking test ive ever had. and for those of you that also arent aware, ive got some pretty horrendous vision. ive got 20/70 with visual snow syndrome which gifts me with photophobia and tinnitus (that tends to make my hearing worse). the visual snow never leaves and makes the words look a little fuzzier than they actually are. photophobia for those that dont know the word, is light sensitivity.

my vision problems bother me more than my hearing does. yeah, its annoying for all of a sudden my left ear to go offline. im not aware of all the little background noises until theyre smothered out of existence and it pulls me out of whatever im doing. my vision sucks because being on the computer hurts my eyes. doing art hurts my eyes. i have to add extra light to really help me see value changes sometimes. white paper is not white but like...10% grey. when im painting i cant always see the value changes so i either make everything too light or i end up making my painting muddy. words can sometimes start slipping together. reading street signs fucking sucks and i memorize how to drive places. i dont know street names, i know landmarks and how to drive that way. its given me depth perception issues. ive never been able to read shit on the board. im always squinting outside because the sunlight is too bright. my screen is always too bright. the lights in my room are sometimes too bright, but being in the dark really puts strain on my eyes. fuck driving at sunset cause i cant see fuckall and im going to end up crashing one day. sometimes my eyes get stuck being unfocused when im really tired because my brain is like ‘im done, im punching out, go to bed cause im done interpreting sight’. my brain starts trying to fill in gaps sometimes, like i see things that arent there or read things that arent there.

with all...that...learning sign language seemed. not silly? but like...not useful at the rate of decline my eyes have been going. and braille seemed like a good idea, but it really scares me because i feel like if i learn it, it means im resigned to the fact that my eyesight will go kaput. its not a fear that makes sense; just cause i learn braille doesnt mean my vision will disappear; but the fear inside makes it feel that way. i also fear the loss of self: like no more art, no more photos/shows, no more nature/rainy days that i can see, no more driving. it means that my mother would be right and i would 1000% be a burden. it just...i feel i have to rush to get my degrees and to see things and do things because i feel like im always rushing against a clock; when will your eyesight go? when will you lose the things you like? when will you lose yourself? how long will you be you?

to get back on topic and away from my never ending internal panic:

i want to read characters like me. people that struggle with their disabilities, but persevere and keep going and kick ass. but i dont find that many. and i want to change that. i want to write about people that dont get to see themselves in fiction, dont get to see themselves as the hero. i want to read inner turmoil like this. i want to find more kin in books, not just the sometimes kin of poc or lgbtq. i want to read about a protagonist thats worried about trying to find a boyfriend and trying to overcome a disability in his life. i want to read about the girl that fought her demons and rose above her disability and clawed tooth and nail for everything she wanted and more in life.