#sometimes they really DO WANT TO KILL YOU.

[drchucktingle]

sometimes buds ask’ what is it like to be a neurodivergent artist?’ and this is great summary: the charts can look like this, and at same time people will be endlessly posting on how you are ‘not real’ or ‘a bit’. you can hold bestsellers in slot 1 to 4 and still not be 'serious'

i am ultimately ok with this. i love my trot and would not have it any other way, but i think it is worth investigation. when irony poisoning has seeped into everything, how many times does a neurodivergent person have to say ‘actually this is NOT so bad its good. its just good’

when you are autistic, or queer, or both, how much proof do you need to be considered good art? or good business? what do the charts have to look like for me to be a ‘real’ author? or allowed my face mask at a library association conference? or one person not a group of writers?

im coming up on a decade of writing tinglers soon, and people are still talkin about my ‘serious’ works vs my ‘joke books’ and at every turn, as kindly as i can, i shout from the rooftops: THEY ARE ALL SERIOUS BOOKS. THIS IS NOT A BIT.

but its hard when buds have had ‘the correct way to be a writer. the correct way to be an artist. the COOL way to react to a book that is TOO weird’ pounded into their heads by internet culture. 'kill it with fire' they say. 'i need eye bleach' they say without thinking. a line.

heres the thing, the tide IS turning. theres buckaroos jumping in and saying, ‘I want to be a part of this’ and for that they are being rewarded. the publisher who took me seriously is lookin pretty dang good right now with these charts and these sales. i am honored and moved

over time there will be more buds who shed that irony mask. the tide of sincerity is powerful, and the tide of love is inevitable. it is difficult to stand strong in our uniqueness but it also pays off, and I hope to be a shining example. eventually THE TIMELINE BENDS TO YOU

so this is not a thread to complain. i have been trotting long enough that these things do not really bother me. being made fun of and disparaged as ‘not legit art’ while also being objectively successful at the things im made fun of about is kind of the ocean that i swim in.

no. my point of this is to say THANK YOU to those of you who have been trotting by my side over these years. THANK YOU for proving love to me. im so honored by your support, and you should know that YOU have seen beyond the irony poisoned veil that stops many others. YOU get it.

and to those with their own unique perspective on creation: look what you can do. yes there will likely be a lot of resistance to something different, but there is also a LOT of reward. YOU can trot a new path. YOU can prove love is real, not in MY way, but IN YOUR OWN WAY

anyway thank you for reading buckaroos. thank you for your support. LUCKY DAY comes out next summer and it is probably as FAR OUT and existential as the tingleverse has ever gone. you can preorder it here

[erinwantstowrite]

Dick and Tim would be REALLY good on reality tv,,, they're both charismatic (please do not forget that Tim makes friends/allies easily just like Dick can), handsome, CLEVER, and know how to play to a persona. i think they'd go on shows for fun and to de-stress. like one too many things piss them off in their daily lives and they could pretty much get a vacation from it just to go on these shows. no one in the family can talk to them and they get to annoy people, crack jokes, and get fun puzzles in the form of a literal puzzle or figuring out social dynamics of the other players.

sometimes they go on shows by themselves but mostly use it as a brotherly bonding activity. if it's a show where they can be a duo they're GOING to do it. and they're going in to play to a storyline, not to win. they don't need the money, they don't need the publicity, they just want to have fun. sometimes if they figure out that everyone on the show sucks and they get competitive, they'll win. but mostly their goal is "how can we make the funniest plot line look the most natural." or something like that. i know a producer LOVES to see them coming. i bet EVERYONE tunes in when they're on a show because they're fucking hilarious even if half of what they say are inside jokes. the rest of the family watches and they KNOW what those shits are pulling, they have betting pools where they guess what the two are gonna do next, they're the FIRST to make memes for both internet and for the family group chats.

one time they convinced Bruce to go (it's been many a years since he really had to play up the Brucie role, cause he's a dad now and the older he gets the more people expect him to mellow out, and even back when he was full Brucie, reality TV wasn't his thing). it was one of those survival based shows where you come is as a team and try to win together. Bruce got lost in the woods after going on a hike. The camera men literally lost him and Tim and Dick were playing it up for the camera. Dick cried and invited the other teams to a funeral. Tim had a speech that was basically "I think he's fine but this is my perfect opportunity to embarrass my dad with stories." The producers were like "we fucking killed Bruce Wayne oh my fucking god" and Bruce shows up at the funeral like "oh what a beautiful service my boys are so great." They won by pure luck and circumstances and they were actively TRYING to lose that game. They were gobsmacked at the end and everyone uses the moment they looked at each other in confusion and shock as reaction gifs

[wheelie-sick]

I wanted to ask if I could get your personal opinion on cochlear implants as a deaf person? I'm writing an essay for my ASL class and it's really hard to find opinions about them from the deaf community. I'm very sorry if asking this is rude, you have every right to decline responding to this. Thank you for your time

okay finally getting to this ask

I have a really complicated opinion because on one hand I think the technology is really freeing for a lot of deaf people but on the other they are killing the deaf community.

cochlear implants in and of themselves are neutral technology. in a perfect world there would be no controversy because they would truly be neutral. unfortunately that is not this world. cochlear implants are used to rip deaf people (and in particular, deaf children) away from their community.

all deaf people have a right to the Deaf community, by being deaf they belong to our world.

when a baby is born deaf the first thing an audiologist will suggest is a cochlear implant. they give the suggestion in a way that implies, and sometimes outright states, that a cochlear implant will give the baby a "normal" childhood. they focus on how easy it will be for the people around that baby. no one will have to learn a sign language, no one will have to adapt their life to fit this deaf baby inside of it. the first problem comes in when cochlear implants are not magic devices that allows a person to be just like a hearing person. with a cochlear implant someone will still need a deaf life because cochlear implants are imperfect.

no one with a cochlear implant will ever live the exact same life as a hearing person. when a child grows up with parents who act like a cochlear implant is a perfect fix that child grows up traumatized by a world of people they cannot keep up with. that child grows up feeling like they are the problem for not having the same experience of hearing as everyone around them.

cochlear implant surgeries are serious surgeries which carry risks like meningitis. cochlear implants cannot be given to toddlers with consent. a toddler can't decide whether they want to risk the extensive number of complications because they are 9 months old (the age at which cochlear implants can be given to a child) parents are rarely informed of these risks and when they are they are told over and over again that this will give their child a "normal" life, an "easy" life. I have less of an issue with cochlear implants when it is a teenager or adult making the decision for themself. cochlear implant surgeries are optional, they are not medically necessary. why are we doing risky surgeries on unconsenting toddlers without a medical reason?

with all that said, cultural genocide is the true heart of the issue. audiologists push cochlear implants instead of sign language and connection to the Deaf community. they encourage parents not to raise their child in the community. they discourage Deaf school, they discourage connection with other deaf children, audiologists want an end to the Deaf community and Deaf culture. these children are not being raised bilingual-bicultural they are being denied their rightful place within the Deaf community. they are being damned to a life of isolation, a life of constantly falling behind, a life where they will never truly be accepted because society hates a deaf person with a cochlear implant just as much as they hate a deaf person without.

if that child ever decides later in life that they want connection with the Deaf community? they are behind. they once again cannot quite keep up. oralist childhoods created isolated deaf people, deaf people who have no home in either world.

the Deaf community may welcome second language signers but it is not the same as being a native signer. it is not the same as having the deep rooted connections with the community that are created by growing up within it.

I still respect the decision of deaf teens and adults to get cochlear implants. they are capable of making a choice for themself. deaf teens and adults often already have the social safety net of the Deaf community. I believe bi-bi upbringings for children can be beneficial though I have my own issues with giving any toddler a cochlear implant. I think that bi-bi childhoods are a good compromise and give deaf children access to both worlds. I don't have a problem with deaf children living in both worlds because they still have access to the Deaf community. I wish cochlear implants existed in a world that valued Deaf culture. I wish cochlear implants existed in a world where they were not a tool of cultural genocide. cochlear implants are not the problem, society is.

[thomas-jefferson-miku-binder]

I hate Mel Medarda discourse because she’s an insanely well-written character with a lot of depth, but people almost always have only two things to say about her: 1) evil girlboss or 2) never did anything wrong. both make me want to krill myself 🦐

In front of you, there’s a female character born of war who rejects the physical brutality of her family’s name and the regime she was born under. except said violence never really goes away because if it ever does leave, nothing else would remain

This character can and will reproduce the hatred she has always known, just in more palpable ways, ways where she’s allowed to look away — or even better, ways where she’s so distanced from the action itself that where she “looks” doesn’t even matter

It’s also so interesting to think that maybe Mel doesn’t dislike physical violence because it’s “bad” but simply because she does not excel at it The thought that if Mel was maybe stronger or a more skilled fighter, she would be just like her mother tickles my brain. yaaaas Although, to me, that's a more "what-if" scenario than the actual characterization Arcane deceipts

By the way, I do not think Mel is a monster. She clearly does try to be what she considers a "good" person, but the violence she’s always known sometimes escapes (just like in the Viktor scene above — she does not like to be disagreed with).

Sooo insane that she’s a diplomat/politician because yes. what other job in the world would allow her to exercise that repressed violence while also giving her the sense of duty—of goodness.

Mel is stuck at the scene of the execution form her childhood. All she does is repeat the same scenario in her head with different outcomes: sometimes one where she saves the prisoner, another where she doesn’t hesitate (that being the keyword here) to kill her

This reverberation of the violence she suffered is just her manner of coping with that traumatic scene. a way of lessening the pain without actually confronting its cause.

I feel like I need to clarify that no, I do not think Mel is “evil”. I don’t even think she is intentionally manipulative (most of the time), I think she handles people the only way she knows how to, which is probably one of the only reasons she survived Noxus at all (as, to how I see it, there's only a certain extent your House will guarantee your protection in Noxus).

I know the fandom talks a lot about Viktor and Jayce being idealistic, but I rarely see people mention how Mel is just as romantic. Jesus- that’s literally a huge source of conflict with her mother: Ambessa thinks Mel is naive, which to her means weakness, which to her is unacceptable.

I hate that Mel Medarda is forced to be subjected to fandom spaces, because, no, she is not a small bean. no, she’s not an evil girlboss.

Do I believe she is a good person? I think she tries to be (even if her notion of goodness is so heavily aligned with honor, too), and that tells me a lot more about her character than how successful she is at it

[jaythes1mp]

HI!! HOW ARE YOU?! I HOPE YOU ARE WELL!!

Okay so this idea came to me when I was making breakfast but imagine…

Hybrid! Dog! Reader! Whose just a lazy or low energy dog like real lazy because a) it’s in their nature and b) their just lazy. I imagine them as a French bulldog because sometimes they have energy and are like hey lemme just uh play around a bit and than nap or stare at you.

But one day the family or Bruce and D!ck (I feel like it would be those two) decides to take them to a dog park in disguise and at first Reader is scared cause their like omg the last time they did this they were taking me to the vet hell no! But they see that they’re going in a different direction and they’re like huh that’s suspicious that’s weird.

They arrive at the dog park and are encouraged to go run and play which at first their like no take me back home and starts to paw at them but the family won’t budge so they approach the other dogs but than decided to sit in the corner.

A couple minutes later they’re running around yapping happily sniffing other dogs and when it’s time to go they have to be dragged home.

When they get home whoever didn’t go to the dog park are quite shocked that Reader has energy and also zoomies! It’s very cute and chaotic because while they’re running they jump and kind of bark a bit saying I made a friend or friends!

Another scenario I have is Hybrid! Dog! Reader who’s a golden retriever so every time their near water they try to jump into its like a hassle even in the winter or like imagine them jumping into bodies of water in public even if they were told not to do it anymore.

Last scenario, Hybrid! Cat! Reader who accidentally discovers catnip how would the family react? 👀

I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY/ NIGHT/ EVENING!!!! 🩷❤️🧡💚💚🩵💙💜🤎🖤🩶🤍

⭐️ anon

Lovely, as always, to see you in my inbox, ⭐️anon!

These are very cute scenarios!💚 It looks like your drabbles are for a domestic batfam rather than yan bats. Which I’m totally for, dude. It’s cute family life! I wish I thought of drabbles over breakie, haha

However on a slightly serious note, one of my family dogs was killed last Friday, so I’m not going to add onto your puppy fics too soon, I’m really sorry. I just don’t necessarily want to think too much about dogs right now. They’re really epic though!!

In relation to the cat nip, I’ve already made a small drabble on it here, if you wanna check it out🦖🦖

Though if you want more on it as an apology for not adding onto your puppy!reader ask, then I’ll go into more detail about it for you, just send me an ask, pookie💚💚

Masterlist

[michaelawinter]

Andre Nikto head canons

We have little information about Niko but here's what I've gathered..

((Also I'd like to kindly add, hi, hello, my name is Mika and I am a Bosnian. The chances of me adding some accurate slav head canons are always high but never low!!🙏🏻 ALSO IM TERRIBLY OBSESSED WITH NIKTO SO IF ENJOY THIS AND YOU WANT DATING NIKTO HEAD CANONS PLEASE LET ME KNOWWW))

Genuine head canons:

Andre Nikto (Никто) is a (scary) Russian military man, roughly 193/194 centimetres (when you compare him to Simon's height) He suffers with acute dissociative disorder (better said DID) yet is still serving the military cause of how he preforms during battle.., so the military still views him as a ideal soldier for combat despite his disorder..

No hate but from what I've seen in some art works claiming it's his "face reveal" you people have to understand that under his mask, his face is disfigured.. so, no he won't be an attractive super model under that mask of his..

I don't think you people are aware how badass Nikto is as a character, almost SIMILAR as Ghost who's in the military for the same reason as everybody else, to risk their life.

Although judging by Nikto's voice lines, he doesn't care who he's killing..if it were up to him, if his teammates serve him zero purpose he'd care less if they die..(after all, you're just a target..) but being a professional, he can't allow that to happen to his teammates

If you look up closely, Nikto wears a military uniform that is different from everyone else with MP-0 written on it. Now if you don't know, MP stands for Military Police (enforcement agencies connected with, or part of, the military of a state.) and zero next to it meaning "nothing" and this is important which is what Nikto refers himself as..

Yeah so about that..

I have a theory about Nikto's nickname

After being captured and brutally tortured with whatever sick tendency mister Z had in store for him. It was Mister Z that couldn't really get much Information about Andre.

They would start torturing him while repeating to Andre that he's nothing, he's no one, what he is is nothing but what he is is everything. Those words play in the back of his head and they never seen to go away.

(This is extremely relevant cause Mister Z tried to get to know a bit of Andre by looking through some research come to find his citizenship and language are censored making him a nobody. Keep in mind, if he found any information about Andre viewing from personal life etc. it will be used as blackmail..)

After recovering his scars and taken to therapy after 7 years he was diagnosed with DID

NOW moving on to the DID part

(What I said about the fact that people overlook Nikto's disorder, I mean it..

Some don't really write about his disorder which is fine but when someone does it gets messy. )

Alters aren't easy to deal with, it's actually gonna haunt you till the day that you die cause there's no cure for it. And in Nikto's case it's from PTSD and Nikto is very aware of his alters..

Let me tell you how Nikto's disorder affects him. Switching can be consensual, forced or triggered, Nikto values silence as much as the next person cause he's dealing with much inside his head already. The kind of guy that would "watch TV" while dissociating with a 100 yard glare with very slow blinking and a slight headache..

There are times where his personalities would correct him when hes referring to himself (example: I'm up..(his personality correctes him) WE'RE up..)

"He made us do this" (and other voice lines I can't recall..)

Maybe cut bits of an apple with a knife and eat it while watching TV..

He has medication prescribed for him but he didn't wanna depend on medications cause they're just drugs..they're nothing to him but just drugs..

He has dissociative amnesia too, sometimes he would wander around confused maybe even annoyed. The amnesia appears to be caused by traumatic or stressful experiences endured or witnessed..Although the forgotten information may be inaccessible to consciousness, it sometimes continues to influence behavior

Like I said he likes quiet people, someone who doesn't waste their air on small talk..

Example; don't really talk to him about the weather, unless you have something interesting to say but if the conversation is gonna go nowhere , don't talk..he finds that a waste of time

People assume just because he's Russian that he likes vodka, he doesn't like vodka...-He doesn't like any alcoholic beverage cause it makes his problems a lot worse,...maybe If you were lending him some as an offering, he'll take it but he has SOME self control, he's okay with coffee, though..

It's relevant cause he stays awake at late hours since he finds it difficult to sleep, he'll stay up late with no music, nothing, just a silent room. It doesn't matter if he tries the military tactic where you just close your eyes and turn off your thoughts, it's very different when you have voices screaming inside your head...

Despite everything he's still intelligent, so being smart + strength + sharp reflexes and you got yourself a criminal

Death doesn't phase him, but to him death is like sleeping, he's not scared of death considering that he's been through hell those past few months.

He likes the simple things, don't complicate anything..because he's quick with catching an attitude..be blunt and forward and stumble over your words..

Nikto shows confidence in the battlefield,just like König, except he has a high rush of adrenaline and will laugh at the enemies death.

Fun fact: in this one comic Price calls Nikto "psycho"

And it's without a doubt that he is one.., a sadistic, sociopathic, psychopath

After splitting, his alters can and will get more aggressive and do more harm and damage to others cause they're doing the most at protecting the host.. (depending on the alter, some wanna protect him while some wanna hurt him)

Oh by the way about the intelligence part, I mean he has a good good memory with remembering faces..

He doesn't like people looking at him funny, he'll get angry really fast and annoyed at the same time.., he won't show hesitation when it comes to approaching you and asking you what are you looking at (it's like trying to avoid eye contact with a homeless man Infront of a store, that's how scared you would be)

He's slow with jokes or any form of humor that you throw at him??? You'll be excited to tell him a joke, and when you do he just looks at you and tells you never to do that again..,or just straight up tell you he doesn't get it...??? and probably trying to explain it either he gets it or not he'll still tell you that it's not funny

He doesn't argue, or he does? Arguing with him will costs you avoiding getting objects thrown at you so you can get out of his sight..tragic, now you have a teammate that hates your guts and won't apologize for it.

[xetlynn]

Twilight Imagines- Benjamin

First Sight

[Masterlist]

Requested by: @twilightlover2007

Summary: in where the Cullens are getting multiple covens together to help them convince the Volturi that Renesmee is not a danger Benjamin spots [Name] and is immediately enamored by her. Even with her two year old daughter. Also finding out they have similar abilities.

I sit in the living room with Bella and Edward as we watch Renesmee play with Athaliah. I cross my arms, holding myself. "How do you feel?" Edward asks me suddenly and I turn to him. "Read my mind." I roll my eyes, he scoffs out a laugh. "I'm asking so you can let it out."

He responds, I look back to the girls. "Yeah, we haven't talked much since you found out about her." Bella chimes into the conversation. I frown for a second.

"It's a weird situation, I don't really know how I feel." I tell them in all honesty. One second Renesmee was a newborn and seconds later she was months old and now she's physically 4 years old.

"I just wish we didn't have to deal with the Volturi. Once again." I hold my head in my hands. Last time we dealt with them was when I turned into a vampire, Athatliah was only 16 months old. They were worried that I would turn Athaliah.

We had to convince them I wouldn't go near her until I had control over my thirst and she wouldn't know anything about us until she was the age of turning or if anything I would fake my death and she'd never see us again. It's something I don't even want to consider. It's something I have 16 years until I have to truly think about. The Volturi believed us when Aro looked into Edward's mind along with mine. Also with the fact that my ability was strong, I would put up a fight. They didn't need any of their men dead.

"I wish that woman just talked to us before running straight to the Volturi. She's also going to get killed." I lift my head back up. Renesmee takes Athaliah over to us and they both smile. I pick up my daughter, placing her on my lap. Edward doing the same with his daughter.

"All right, lovely, it's time for a nap." I stand up. "I'll meet you guys outside." I tell my two best friends before walking upstairs. They have a crib that was originally for Renesmee in Edward's old room. I place Athaliah down. I could tell she was tired so when she started crying I knew it was only for a few minutes.

The first year of her life I cried almost every time she cried. I couldn't handle it. My mom was a huge help since Athaliah's dad left in the beginning of my pregnancy. His parents moved to a whole different state so he didn't have to be a father to our baby. I grieved the relationship in the beginning. I don't really care anymore.

Bella was the only friend I've had ever since giving birth. Other people judged right away. Not Bella. She sometimes would babysit for me if I had to work and no daycare. My mom would pay her as well. Edward then started to help with her. Then he bonded with Athaliah as well. They both became an aunt and uncle to my daughter. I am forever grateful for them.

When her cries stop I snap out of my thoughts. Quietly slipping out of the room. I go downstairs and join everyone outside. Bella and Edward showing the new vampires renesmee's gift. I look off into the distance to see Carlisle and Esme coming our way with three new people. They're from the Egyptian Coven, they drink human blood. I lock eyes with the younger looking man. His eyes were a dark red. They felt entrancing. I couldn't look away. That was until Rosalie comes up to me.

"Could you help me with something?" She asks in a quiet tone, I furrow my eyebrows but nod my head. Following after her. Feeling eyes watch me the entire time. The blonde leads me back into the house where Zafrina, Kachiri, and Senna were standing in our way. "These ladies are from the Amazon coven. They wanted to meet you." Rosalie speaks softly, I place a hand on my chest, confused on why they would want to speak to me. "They've heard of your ability." Emmett tells me, I let out a little 'oh' standing straighter.

"Zafrina likes meeting people similar to her. Having incredible gifts." Kachiri informs me. "What's your gift?" I tilt my head, intrigued. The quiet woman smiles slightly, staring at me. Focusing on something and then suddenly I'm not in the house anymore. I'm back outside. But not our outside. A different place. A place I've never seen before. It was gorgeous.

Then I'm back in the house and I stare at her with wide eyes. "That... was amazing." I tell her, utterly in shock. She grins back to me. "We'd like to see your ability." Kachiri says, I make a face, turning to Rosalie and Emmett who nod their heads for me to do it. "We'd uh, we would have to go outside." I lead the way outside, in front of the porch. The three from the Amazon Coven stand on the porch with Rosalie, Emmett was standing in the door frame.

I smile to them as the cloud above us gets darker than earlier. Their expressions are confused until I bring my arms in the air and it starts raining. It was sprinkling at first then thunder struck. I felt the others crowd around me. I then make it storm. Everyone getting soaked. And then suddenly it stops as I stop focusing on the sky. I take a deep breath. The others begin to clap.

"That's just a tiny bit of what she can do." Emmett roars out, I nod my head sheepishly. "How did you find that out?" One of the Denali sisters ask me. "When I turned, the pain caused a storm. The wind was strong. The weather was insane that night. Later on when I wasn't paying attention and every time I had a huge emotion, a storm began every time. It's a lot easier to control now." I smile as I then make it begin to snow. Renesmee runs up to me with a huge smile. I pick her up so she can play with the snowflakes.

"This is a powerful ability... The Volturi would have no chance against us." Garrett laughs beside Kate who has a tiny smirk on her face. "You could deflect my electricity and make it more powerful." She tells me, lifting one of her hands to show me the electricity coming out of it.

Then everyone begins to talk to one another about it. I place Renesmee down, she holds my hand though instead of running off. I listen outside of the others to see if Athaliah has woken up but her breathing is still slowed. I can tell she's about to wake up. Her naps aren't very long lately.

A person walks up to me, startling me. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." It was the younger looking man from the Egyptian Coven. I wave a hand. "It's alright, I was trying to make sure my daughter was still sleeping." I sigh out, looking down to my niece who was staring up at the man.

"Your daughter?" He asks, looking around. "Her name's Athaliah." I tell him, we begin to walk inside the house, Renesmee sticking by my side because I think she knows we're going to see my girl. "Beautiful name." He compliments, I quietly thank him. His looks are entrancing I can barely focus on what is being said.

It goes silent between us until Renesmee speaks up in a small sweet tone. "He can make tornados, smaller than yours though." I smile down at her. "Really?"

I've only created a tornado once and right as it formed we made it disappear. That was before Renesmee was born though. Of course Emmett told her about it though. "Our gifts are incredibly similar." He tells me. Before he can say anything else though I hear my daughter begin to stir. Her tiny whines sounding out to down here. "Oh, I have to go, I'll be back." I step up the first couple of steps. He stands there, I can tell her wishes to say something though.

Renesmee was already running to the bedroom though. "What's your name?" I ask him.

"Benjamin." He says. I smile. "Beautiful name." I then head up the stairs.

Renesmee is playing with Athaliah through the bars of the crib. I smile, heading over to them and picking up my daughter. "Let's go play downstairs." Renesmee says, taking my hand once again and dragging me back down. Benjamin was still standing there just as he was before I left.

I was glad to be honest. I was hoping he waited for me. "This is Athaliah, Athaliah, meet Benjamin." I bounce her on my hip, pointing to the beautiful man. She tiredly looks to him.

Then suddenly doing grabby hands at him for him to take her. I furrow my eyebrows. It usually takes her a minute to get used to new people. He sticks his hand out, letting her grab onto it. It wasn't enough though she lunges her body forward so he could take her out of my arms. I laugh. "Sorry, you don't have to-"

"I don't mind as long as you don't." He puts his hands out and I shrug my shoulders, handing her over to him. Renesmee watches, a little bit annoyed until Edward comes in and tells her to go with him somewhere. I watch as my daughter puts his face into her hands. I then wondered if that was a good idea looking at his eyes which were red. Meaning he eats humans.

I bit my lip. He looks over to me and I think he can sense my worry. He gives me a short smile and places Athaliah down. She walks back to me, hugging my legs. She's still waking up.

Later in the night Bella and I were getting the girls to sleep. Athaliah sprawled out, her arm going over Renesmee's torso. She's holding onto her hand. I look up to see Bella looking at someone. I trace where. It was Benjamin who was sitting beside Jacob. He was staring at me though. "He seems enamored by you." She whispers, careful not to wake the kids. I snort out a laugh. "Yeah, okay. He wants a single mom." I joke, rolling my eyes.

"I mean the whole time he's been here he's been staring at you. He keeps trying to talk with you and he's brought you up to us every chance he gets. Asking about your ability." She informs me and I give her a look. "Yeah, he's interested in my ability. Not me." I sit up straight, crossing my legs.

"You're so oblivious, [Name]." She comments, sitting up as well. We eventually get up listening to Vladimir and Stefan talk about how they despise the Volturi and why. They were characters, that was for sure.

I sit down by the fire, a log was already there but no one else was there. They all went to different areas of the woods. I stared at the flames wondering how tomorrow was going to go. Someone sat beside me but neither of us spoke. I didn't even move my head to see.

"[Name]." The person speaks up after moments of silence. I hum out in response. "I uh I've never been left this speechless before. I don't know what to say around you." It was Benjamin, I smile to myself before turning to face him. "I'm boring, I apologize." I say, now just observing his features and I wonder what he was like as a human. If he was always this perfect.

"No, you're not at all. You make me nervous. It's a feeling I don't think I've ever experienced." His eyes lock with mine and I badly want to look away. But I can't. I'm stuck in place. "When did you turn?" I slightly change the subject. "1815." My eyes widen to his answer. He begins to laugh at my reaction. "Sorry, that was rude." I rub my hands together, finally looking away due to embarrassment.

"I expected it, when did you turn?"

"Last year."

"A newborn practically and you're that in control of your ability?" He seemed to be surprised.

"I couldn't control my ability completely until maybe six years after turning." He then ignites fire from his pointer finger. "You control the elements?" I ask in amazement. "And you control the weather." He states.

"Our abilities are incredibly similar." I laugh, excited. Watching the flames on his finger tip before he closes his fist and it goes away.

For hours we talk about our abilities, about his life before turning. I do the same. Telling him a bit about Athaliah. It never felt like a bad subject bringing her up like it usually does with men.

He actually asks about her and that's where I feel he doesn't want to be with me but to be friends.

"Your daughter truly has your looks." We both look to my sleeping daughter who is still sprawled out. I smile. "Thank you. She's my everything." I tell him.

"I can tell."

"I'm interested in getting to know you more." Benjamin says, this time he cautiously takes my hand into his. Making sure I was okay with it before gripping a little tighter. "What do you want to know?" I nervously ask.

"No, I mean courting you. You being mine, me being yours." He explains, I scrunch my nose before saying. "it might be forward, I know this. But you, seeing you, talking to you today. It only makes me want to be yours more."

"What about Athaliah, she comes with, we're a package deal. I'm a single mother. She's human, you eat off... humans." I take my hand back, now giving him a serious expression. It feels crazy but I feel the same way. I feel so strongly for him and I can't lose it but I also have to put my child first.

"I'll love her as my own. I'll eat animals for you both. I'll learn." He assures me, I pause for a moment.

"This feels crazy." I laugh out. "But I'll give it a try. I'm interested in getting to know you more." Even though we don't know what's going to happen tomorrow I don't care. I deserve to be happy even for a little bit.

——————

I almost deleted this whole thing after finishing it.

Heart was racing. Almost cried.

If you want to request anything lmk!

[whereserpentswalk]

You have to wear power armor for your job. You're a ranger, it's your job to go out to under explored planets and other heavenly bodies and retrieve things, or make contact with people, or deliver things. As romanticized as it is its mostly just walking through places humans can't safely walk through.

Seeing your power armor for the first time was weird. It was entirely metal, but it was very sleek, form fitting, with a pinched in waist and chrome texture. The helmet had a large visor, like a motorcycle helmet, you could see someone's eyes through it, you'd be able to see more but a gas mask like thing covers your mouth and nose below the helmet. You're even allowed by the company to paint it or add stickers. You feel so elegant within it, so powerful, so modern.

On your first mission you understand just how much you'll be wearing your power armor. You're on a planet with an atmosphere that would poison any humanoid on it, and it's inhabitants breath that stuff so there's no changing it. You spend months trying to track someone down, and never take off your armor once.

As time goes on there are more and more missions like that. You've walked through a forest filled with poison plants. Several places with no atmosphere at all. A planet where it rains glass. The skeleton of a long destroyed spaceship. A place so cold the ocean is solid ice. A place so hot your blood would have boiled if not for your armor. Days, weeks, months, spent inside armor. The company doesn't let you take off the armor on missions, but it's just safety, in almost all of these places it would kill you the momment you took your helmet off. They don't give you much time between missions, so you get used to being in armor very quickly.

Your armor takes care of you. Nutrition is injected into your body, and waste product is removed directly from your guts. The suit cleans your entire body without you noticing it. You can sleep while the suit still walks for you. You don't feel any pain or heat or cold. You can even browse the internet with it, and you can call or text anyone without moving your hands. They joke that the armor masturbates for you, but it actually does send pleasurable sensations throughout your body when you need that type of sensation. It all feels weird at first, but soon it feels normal. You had some robot freinds in highschool, you wonder if they felt like this.

When you’re between missions, and spending time in various hub stations or port cities, you realize you're wearing the armor most of the time too. Sometimes you take the helmet off but that feels weird, you don't like the feeling of air on your face. The other rangers you know, the ones who have been doing it for years longer than you, don't ever want to be outside of their armor.

You eventually get permission from the company to go back home for a few weeks to see your family and freinds. When you get to your homeworld you take off your armor for the first time in a long time. You don't really have normal clothing so you're wearing what you had when you first left nearly two years ago. Your family and freinds all want to catch up with you but it's all so weird and awkward.

You feel like you've been skinned. Every little thing touching you feels so uncomfortable. Your body seems so gross and soft and week, everything feels so wrong, and hard to move. You're not used to taking care of your bodily functions or grooming, and it's both hard to adjust, and gross for you to have to do these things. The idea of putting food in your mouth seems so disgusting. You can barely walk on your own now.

You tried to go on a walk with your joyfriend. But the wind on your flesh disturbed you so much that you began to weep. They tried to hug you but it only made things worse.

After that you just wore your armor for the rest of the trip. Most people you know were disturbed. They wanted you to quit the job but the pay was too good, and you wouldn't know where else to go. It was just another thing everyone would get used to, just another mundane fact of life.

[just-existing-as-you-do-blog]

You know I really love Connor's charecters.

I mean Ulysses quickly became one of my favorite characters in Fable (my favorite being C!Ven) I love that mad scientist who keeps hearing about the horrible things people remember he did and trying to catch up to his life that everyone remembered but him. Do you think he thought that he looked to old when he looked in a mirror before regaining his memories, or do you think he thought that he looked far too young after he got them all back and remembered what kind of person he was. (A good person, who did some horrible things.)

And VIRGIL who is may be my favorite charecter on Bound, I haven't decided yet. Trans bird spirals into noir detective like Insanity who plays the violin and runs a library and is paranoid but wants to be around people even though he is bad at it. He's a good trans bird in the "Trans birds save the world" story. I like his wall and how he sometimes calls Vast his friend even though they tried to kill him a while ago.

And DANIEL THORNS IN CANTRIPPED who molds himself into what is needed of him and doesn't know which version of himself is real. Is definitely my Favorite cantripped charecter.

Anyway good job Connor in marketing your charecters to me specifically thank you for this delicious meal to brainrot over.

[hedgiwithapen]

Leverage: the trampoline job

(Sometimes the titles of these jobs is literal, and sometimes it’s a metaphor… this is the latter. AU of the Big Bang Job!) “There’s just one problem,” Moreau said, the tip of his polished shoe pressed against Hardison’s chair. “I don’t believe you.”

He kicked, sending the chair backwards into the pool with a splash. Eliot kept his face blank, a grift to make even Sophie proud.

“Eliot, you really think I’m that stupid? That I didn’t look for you after you ran?” Moreau chided. “In Serbia two years ago, at that orphanage…Moscow last fall. So I may not know exactly the game you’re playing, but I know you’re no middleman.”

Eliot’s throat tightened. This was why he’d brought Hardison, not Sophie. His plans burned, one after another till he got to L. 

“That’s Alec Hardison,” he said. “And if you’ve ever believed anything I’ve told you, believe that you want him alive.”

He jumped into the water, hoping the intrigue would be enough to stay Chapman’s trigger finger and still expecting a bullet in his back. 

Hardison was sputtering when he got him above water, choking on the chlorine. Eliot dragged him to the side of the pool, using the ladder for leverage to boost Hardison and the chair both out before clambering up himself, keeping in front of his friend. 

"I'm listening," Moreau said. "walk me through why, exactly, I shouldn't let my man here kill you both."

"Eliot," Hardison warned.  Eliot ignored him.

"If you know what I've been up to, you know who he is." He kept his voice even. An act, but one he'd perfected. 

"A hacker," Moreau dismissed. "But one you'd die for."

"Not just a hacker," Eliot said, ignoring the back half of the statement and hating how easily Moreau read it. "The best."

He could feel Hardison behind him, pride and confusion at war. He pressed on. 

"Vector's out, and he was never much of a player. Keller's gone.  They can't hide your money, can't move it either. Hardison can move it like a kid moves checkers on a board. Not a chance anyone catches on, if he's working for you.  You won't have to pay out in bribes, either.  You want him."

"And He came here looking for a job?" Moreau asked. "I find that hard to believe, too."

"He'll do it." Eliot said. The bitter sharpness in his voice isn't all for show. "He's a geek. Half of what he cares about is proving he can do it. The other half is staying alive. He's not stupid. He knows what you can do."

"Yeah, I'm learning all kinds of new things today, traitor," Hardison spit. 

Eliot took the barb like the blow it was.

"Well. Color me intrigued, then." Moreau's smile curdled Eliot's blood, but there wasn't anything for it.  This was why he brought Hardison.

There was always a chance things broke down, and Hardison was the one he could keep alive. Chapman grabbed the back of the chair, dragging it and Hardison through the door the models went through. “Let’s chat logistics,” Moreau said. Eliot eased his heart rate, trying not to picture the look on Hardison’s face. Fury and… god. Heartbreak. There wasn’t another word for it. “Let’s,” he agreed, like it was the easiest thing in the world to say, and not poison in his mouth. 

The team always recovered, bounced back, like Parker on a trampoline. They figured out a new plan, a new trick, something last-ditch and crazy. They'll manage it. Hardison's the one they can get back. 

[werewolfsister]

PSA: COMIC DRAMA

I've been slowly receiving critical, entitled, and passive-aggressive messages about the way I've been writing my comic! I wanted to address this behavior.

That being said, the majority of my readers have been nothing but positive! And when they spot a problem, they're kind about it. I really appreciate this; thank you to those who choose to be civil.

I'm making this post to address some issues, complaints, and questions I've seen. Let's take a look & see what we can discuss!

READ MORE UNDER THE CUT!

🦈-> I want you to use my character in your comic, but you're not using them! Sometimes, a character doesn't quite fit my vision for the comic-- even when they're designs that I love! I really do try to use as many people's characters as possible. I think it adds to the world & makes the comic feel more full of life! But I can't accommodate everyone's desires.

🐟->You're using my character in your comic, but you're not giving them enough screen time! Similar to the above issue, sometimes I don't think focusing on a particular character for any longer will serve the story well. Ultimately, I have final say on what happens in the comic. My advice is, if you feel your character isn't appearing enough, make your own content! Draw, write, craft, etc like I mention farther down below!

🐠->You said you were going to use my diplomat/character(s), but you only drew them in 1-2 panels. Why aren't you using them more? Similar to the points above! I was never planning on going into a TON of depth with the diplomats-- the comic focus also drastically changed, as I mention below.

🐡->You're using characters in the story that I don't like! Ahh that is too bad, but! In that case, you can always take a break from the comic & come back later to check if the characters are no longer being used, or maybe stop reading the comic altogether. However! If you have concerns with how the character is portrayed because of legitimate sexual/violence/illicit/illegal issues, then that's another issue entirely and you should let me know.

🪼->I thought this story was about rescuing Kenne, but now she's not even in the comic! I don't like the way this story is going! This is a big issue some people are having and I completely understand. There's been a lot of things going on behind the scenes that I haven't explained, which must be generating a lot of confusion. Originally, @kenneduck and I were collaborating closely on this comic. Recently, the dynamic shifted, and we're now working on the comic separately. @kenneduck is now responsible for the part of the story that heavily features her characters, i.e. Princess Kenne's perspective of the rescue, her rescue effort, and what's happening in the Domain of the Luminous trench. I am now working on a different angle of the story-- the diplomatic efforts of Zora's Domain in their attempt to negotiate for Princess Kenne's return. So, the story is still the same... the focuses have just changed and split!

🦑->You reblogged my fan art and/or linked it in your comic directory-- does that make my content canon? Oooh, this is actually kind of a tough one! Normally, if something is in the comic directory, I consider it to be canon to the story. So, if you've drawn something, and I add it to my directory for a comic chapter, I'll consider it to have happened in real time. THERE'S AN EXCEPTION! And it may be confusing, so I'm genuinely sorry! If you have drawn something where you are heavily modifying someone else's character--this means cosmetic changes, giving the character children/spouses/family, killing the character, altering their personality-- WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION, then I cannot accept that as canon. It's still fantastic that you drew/wrote/created something and I will probably put it in the MISCELLANEOUS section of the comic directory. I'VE MADE MISTAKES ON THIS! So, I've since updated the directory. And, sorry for all confusion on this issue! If you've made something & intended it to be canon, let's talk about it!

🐳->I want to collaborate with you on your comic, can I do that? That's awesome! Maybe in the future, but right now I'm not taking on any more partners. Maybe you can make your own separate additions, with your character(s) like I mention below!

🐙>I want to make fan art, can I do that? You absolutely can. Go for it. This was originally meant to be a very interactive comic, so draw/write/create away!!!

🦀->I want to draw my character(s) doing something in the world of your comic, can I do that? You absolutely can. Go for it! Like I mentioned above, however, I may or may not deem it canon to the events of the comic. But even if I don't, I'll add it to the MISCELLANEOUS section of my comic directory! ...as long as you don't alterate someone's character without permission! If you've made something & intended it to be canon, let's talk about it!

🐬->I want to make a character based on a Domain you created/idea you drew/etc., can I do that? Of course! Go for it. I love seeing what people make!

I know this is a lot of text, but it's better to be comprehensive! Please, keep in mind, I'm just one hobby artist making a comic for fun, with the spirit of interactivity and collaboration in mind. But it's impossible to keep that spirit going when people feel entitled and demand things of me that I am not obligated to give.

I queue out my pages several weeks in advance with the help of the people I'm working with, so what you see in the comic is the product of a lot of thought and work. You're getting something for free here, y'all. It ain't so serious!!!!

Anyways, thanks for reading this! And for reading the comic! Peace out ✌️

[preservationofnormalcy]

I don't know if this is really in your realm of things, but I don't know where else to turn at this point. I think my god hates and I don't know what I did. I've been devout my entire life and then suddenly my prayers didn't just stop being answered they were answered in opposite. I tried to make amends, ask for forgiveness and all that and make sacrifices but the fire SPAT IT OUT! No one in my family has ever seen anything like that before, not even when my cousin "sacrificed" a bottle of stink bugs during his rebellious phase! I tried asking our priest for help, but he just opened his mouth and then shut it and shook his head. I'm worried people are going to start avoiding me or shunning me. I don't know anything else, I can't just leave! I don't think I asked for too much, I always prayed, I always made my offerings, I always worshiped around the flames on the equinoxes and solstices. Please, I'll take any advice you can give me. I just want to be loved again.

This is a bit beyond my purview, being an agnostic.

You're gonna want to contact Wren in Holistic Theology. They did pistisymbiotic relationship theotherapy sessions a while back when they first started at HT, but I think they had to stop after a particularly bad session caused the loss of a wing of the Baltimore Office location. You know how expensive it is to build a structure to hide a hole in the noosphere? I it it it it it it it's not cheaaaaaaaaaacheap. They might be able to do another session on a personal, on demand basis.

You know, I might be agnostic, but if I can offer relationship advice - don't dwell on how much you've done. It'll kill you. If you've done what you can, it's on them to come around, as much as that sometimes hurts. Space can help in any relationship. Maybe if you send them a message - or, uh, pray I guess, let them know you're still here for them, willing to learn and talk, but giving them space.

I credit the great relationship my wife and I had with allowing that space. She wasn't born here, you know - relatively recent immigrant from Paradise. Still had a bit of an accent. Took her a little to learn how to be human, and it took me a little to get used to her without her glamour. Still had to wear sunglasses.

A little space can go a long way.

[thechillsquid]

Hillbilly/Blind Eyes Au

More ramblings cause I’m trying to figure out how to write the actual fic out for the dumb au

Mostly with the kids visiting over the summer and how McGucket is also their sorta gruncle Fidds cause him and Stan have a queerplatonic thing going on by that point and Fiddleford actually somewhat knows what to do with kids though he’s still absolutely unhinged but to a slight degree towards the right

Like McGucket has the memory gun around, he just basically doesn’t use it really cause 1. Bill can and has dragged memories back up after he’s tried to erase them in the past 2. He has somewhat of a support thing with Stan

So he’s still got his senses it’s just the fact Stan has lowkey helped corrupt this man’s morals and with Bill constantly asking ‘aren’t you tired of being nice? Don’t you just want to go apeshit?’ eventually the answer became ‘you know what? Maybe I do want to apeshit’

And then there’s Bill, who at that point is dating Fiddleford and has been hit with several realizations about himself over the past 30 years, has kinda sorta lost interest in the destroying the earth thing because he just wants to see what chaos Stan and McGucket get up to, and maybe actually enjoys having somewhat of a family again

And all three of these idiots are trying to still fix this portal without anyone finding out, Bill’s lowkey taken over the shapeshifter’s body/kinda ejected its mind/kinda killed it and is just waltzing about however he pleases (sometimes as a ‘total normal human guy,’ a goat, or whatever other forms he thinks would be fun/convenient) until the portal opens and he’s able to actually physically manifest/they find where the hell Ford went

Ford is going to be thrown for a fucking whirlwind but also I just kinda realized that Bill is also a sorta the kids gruncle cause he’s dating Fidds and him and Stan con people together (though those twos relationship is more platonic than anything)

So like these kids have Stan, Bill, and Fidds; only two of these people know what children need to survive and one of them isn’t even human, Fidds and Bill talk in codes or weird languages sometimes and the kids are just left wondering wtf is going on

Also now that I’m thinking of it more, Bill taking over the shapeshifter’s body offers so much chaos, espically whenever he forgets about playing his part and the kids are like ‘did… did you just blink sideways…?’ and everyone is just like ‘no’ and it’s so clear they’re lying but also it’s so stupid

Anywho yeah, so you got Stan and his boyfriend and this is his boyfriend’s boyfriend who helps him steal cars sometimes

HA, I need to draw more of these idiots

[heartbeatbookclub]

inspired by the crying headcanons ask, how do you think the girls are like when angry? we do kind of see some of them get infuriated sometimes in the side stories but im curious if you have any extra thoughts on it

I'm just going to kinda rapid fire this because I don't like it sitting here, but I've been too busy and in a weird headspace to really take the time for it. If this ends up malformed or weird, I apologize. I've done a bit of thought on it though

Sayori generally keeps herself on an even keel. It's hard to really piss her off with anything which would typically anger someone, because she has a general kill them with kindness mindset (and if you do something like insult her, or try to start shit, she's more likely to assume that she's doing something wrong, so she'll beat herself up instead). That said, she does have her pet peeves (like when someone leaves the water on while brushing their teeth! you aren't using that right now, you're just wasting water!), and she does have certain buttons you probably shouldn't press.

Namely, Sayori really values other people, especially those close to her, and places a lot of trust in them. To be honest with her, to be good people, and to take care of themselves. If you fail the latter two, she will be disappointed with you, and maybe even a little angry dependent on the circumstance and how she learns about it. That disappointment hurts a lot worse, though. Of course, when it comes to taking care of yourself, she understands how that could be difficult, and will help you as much as she can, but she really wants you to value yourself as much as she does.

The former of the three, she'll get angry. Sayori isn't the type to go shouting mad (well, unless she's getting mad at mario kart or something), or the type to really share strong words. She's got that tranquil fury down pat. If you do something you know she won't be happy with, that's one thing. If you lie about it to her face, and take advantage of her trust, she'll take some time apart from you. She'll push you away until she can calm down and really think about how she wants to respond. She's not one to hold grudges; revenge isn't her forte, but when she faces that kind of betrayal, it's really hard for her to look at someone the same way.

Monika can be very passive aggressive. Yknow, that kind of backhanded, half-sarcastic passive aggressive. As a side effect of being a people-pleaser, Monika is averse to conflict generally, and would prefer to seek a more reasonable compromise in any given situation as opposed to some blow-out confrontation, and absent that, when she gets aggravated, she tries to be civil, but ends up being cattier than she intends.

If it does end up escalating to a more serious argument, if tensions are running high, Monika feels very uncomfortable. She's not one to escalate into a shouting match, she's not the type to start peppering her speech with colorful language adding with rage, she tries to keep herself under control as much as she can.

Still, she might slip up. And losing that control makes her feel even worse about it, makes her more emotional in general, and when she gets to that point, I think she'd probably say something she might regret. Definitely has moments where she cries from how angry she is about something, and realizes she needs to take a walk to get away from the situation.

Yuri tends to be strongly opinionated, but about some strange and specific things. She tries to keep from voicing these opinions when they aren't asked for or needed, just to keep everything smooth socially, but if asked, she will be blunt about her thoughts even while trying to be polite, because if they want her honest opinion, then being honest, she does feel that bluntly about it. The fact that she doesn't let on until asked makes it feel harsher than it actually is.

Yuri generally tries to keep herself under control in a similar vein to Monika, except that rather than trying to use some sort of conflict resolution, she prefers to just leave it as is. Just stop talking about it, maybe leave, whatever. Of course, she feels so strongly about her view and that it's correct that sometimes her mouth moves before her brain, and she feels the need to get the last word in, which often escalates the situation.

Yuri gets pretty easily overwhelmed emotionally, and her strong feelings about a given topic can quickly bubble over and force her to act in certain off-putting ways before she even realizes what she's doing or saying. She has a tendency to start yelling, to start saying a lot more hurtful things and use more caustic language generally. Without a mediator, she's wont to get into a loop of just continual anger and have it just ruin her day. Of course, after that, if she really thinks about it, she regrets it completely and feels terrible. (Unless they actually deserve it. Even then, she might think she could've gone about it better...)

That habit of bottling it up also has a tendency to create some outbursts if things become too overwhelming, though that's more likely to result in a combination of this sort of behavior and what I described when talking about them crying. That's da dawg in her ('tism)

Natsuki tends to be reflexively angry, or reflexively mean at the very least. I've talked about this at length before, but she pushes people away in general and tries to harden herself wholly so that nobody can ever hurt her. I've dwelt for a while on what I think that actually means about her life (namely her home life) but you can read my thoughts on that elsewhere.

She's got a tendency to just complain about a lot of different stuff which annoys her or makes her uncomfortable. She makes no secret of her opinions or thoughts on any variety of things, which might get her into trouble in some circumstances, but generally she's just very opinionated without much dedicated thought to it.

If you really get her going though, she has a lot of smart-mouthed comebacks and sharp barbs to lob back and forth. Also she starts swearing a lot more. She does her best to come out on top by keeping her anger in check, but she definitely indulges in it a fair bit. Sometimes too much. Sometimes she gets overwhelmed, and when she gets really, really mad, she also definitely starts crying, and she moreso than anyone finds that really embarrassing, because it's a sign of weakness in that kind of scenario.

[pkmn-monochrome]

This is an OOC ask too to hopefully help the concern? I PROMISE IM NOT A MANIPULATIVE ASSHOLE ABUSER IM A WRITER PLEASE DEAR GOD!!!!!!!! Also! Somebody's gotta play mean here and there, its what keeps gears turning. Not everyone is going to directly side with Cody and understand them. Sometimes you need conflict, it can't be sunshine and roses and everyone Agrees with Cody every time. And hell, without conflict like that, how are we going to get the moments like Cody seeing the auroras? I really loved that moment, it was sweet, sometimes the bad moments can make the good moments all the more fonder. Also I wanted to state... not every interaction that's a fight like that between two people is inherently abusive, people are going to have arguments and harsh words will be thrown along with accusations, especially since both see the other as strangers, some people aren't going to trust Cody and are going to be harsh and rude about it the same way Cody has been. Some are going to mirror how Cody treats them. What I was going for was Directly Vindictive and Harsh, the fact that you are worried about that shows that I did my job right, and as they said, if Sparks couldn't handle I would hope they would just ignore the ask and hell maybe even say to tone it down. TDLR: Not everyone is going to be especially kind and endeared to Cody, some people are going to act out just the same as they do. AND I AM A WRITER NOT AN ABUSER. PLEASE. The point of this ask is uh: I like to think I know my limits, I stick to the rules and only do what is allowed. It doesn't feel too great being compared to an abuser when I am just trying to help move a story forward. I am not abusive for being mean to a fictional character, and I am in no way attempting to be mean to Sparks when I do so. Sorry about the Novel, I just wanted to help clear some things up, because this has happened before with one of my purposefully persecutory asks and hoo boy! it doesn't feel too great that it's happening again. I promise I am not trying to hurt Sparks. I just like conflict in stories and how the characters react to such conflicts. Okay, I'm done, Sorry again about the novel sparks just wanted to explain for the people that got worried about my asks.

[Agreed. Abusive asks are what keep this blog's ball rolling. Without them, we never would have met PIKACHU, BLASTOISE, or even found out about the hacker's death. While CODY's abuse was not necessary in-universe, it was necessary from a narrative standpoint.]

[I do not believe the words or fictional actions of an asker directly reflect them as a person. Even if an asker plays the fictional role of an abuser, like as ANONYMOUS did (e.g. threatening to kill CODY, then getting angry/offended at CODY for taking that death threat seriously), I do not believe that reflects upon their morals in real life scenarios. Threatening to kill a fictional character, in a fictional roleplay scenario, does not mean that asker would ever do or say something like that to a real person. And if this asker was actually holding CODY in their hands in real life, I do not believe they would be saying such intense or harsh things to them.]

[And the inverse is true as well. Just because I am the author of PKMN-MONOCHROME, that does not mean I morally approve of everything CODY says or does. Sometimes, CODY will say harsh and confrontational things out of paranoia or pride, but that does not mean that I as the author would personally lash out at and attack my audience in the same way. If any asker of mine feels personally attacked by the things that CODY says to you, please know and remember that CODY does not speak for me, and their thoughts are not always my own.]

[Please know that I as an author never intend to hurt my audience with CODY's words/actions, and that I trust my audience to do the same for me when sending CODY their questions. Thank you.]

[itsnotbird]

Orphic ~ File 8

Alexthymia (n.) ; The inability to express your feelings

Bucky!Barnes x Fem!Reader

Warnings: TW! Blood, trauma, sad stuff, angst, guns, Blue needs a hug.

Previous part here

You hum a simple song to yourself as you make your way to the ladies washroom, yawning at the lack of sleep you got.

You push the door open, greeted by the white tile and pleasant lighting. You hang a fresh towel on the hook and retrieve your shower things from the shelf they sat on, next to Wanda and Nat’s stuff.

Back at The Unit, you didn’t have things that were unique to you.

Every girl used the same things, the scentless bar soap that would be supplied to each girl every month, nameless shampoo and conditioner. Now, you had products that smelled pleasant, things that bubbled and body wash you didn’t need to conserve.

Pulling back one of the shower curtains, you turn on the water to get it hot, then get your pajamas off.

But to your surprise, another curtain is pulled back. As you turn to see if it was Nat (who usually beats you to the showers), you’re completely caught off guard.

There stands a rather alarmed looking boy, a towel wrapped around him, tucked under his armpits.

“Oh…this is awkward.” He stutters, trying not to look at your half dressed body, clearly not used to a woman in her bra and underwear. “I-I’m Peter.”

The Avengers who were awake could hear your ear piercing scream.

Steve is immediately on his feet, followed by Natasha and Sam. As they run to the direction it comes from, Bucky steps out of his room just as they pass. Looking around, he calls out.

“Why are you running?”

They don’t answer.

He yawns and walks after them.

Peter is backed into the corner as you scramble to tie a robe around yourself. He looks at the growing mass of energy in your hands and how they’re pointed at him.

“You’re the bug boy? Why are you here?” You shout.

“I can explain! It’s not creepy, I promise!” Then he pauses. “I’m sorry, who are you?”

Steve busts through the door, searching the first section of the room, then turns the corner to where the showers are and sees you threatening to harm the boy.

“Oh now this is funny.” Sam exclaims.

“What the hell is going on?” Steve asks.

“Cap! Tell the crazy lady you know me.” Peter rushes, begging for help.

“I am not crazy.” You warn violently.

“Blue, let the kid go so he can explain himself before you kill him.” Nat says, and slowly you lower your hands and rush to Steve’s side as he motions for you.

“Queens, start explaining.” He barks.

Peter stammers. “Nat said I could use these showers when her and Wanda aren’t! They have better water pressure and I don’t have to deal with the guys…it’s like the high school locker room in there.” He grimaces. “And sometimes when Thor comes to stay, he doesn’t put a towel on! And the room has a funky smell-”

“It’s true, I told him he could use our showers because he means no harm.” Nat defends. “I just…forgot to mention that to Blue since the kid isn’t here too often.”

Sam shakes his head, then looks at Peter. “You really gotta get over your fear of getting jumped in the shower.”

“Some of you guys are a little scary.” Peter says in a quiet tone.

“Like who?” Steve asks dramatically.

Bucky joins the scene. He looks from Peter in a towel to you holding a robe around yourself.

“What the hell is going on?” He asks angrily.

“Like him.” Peter admits.

- - - -

Bucky grunts as he punches the hanging bag next to Steve who is doing the same.

“You want to tell me what’s going on with you?” Steve asks, hair hanging on his forehead as it grows sweaty.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Bucky says.

“You’ve been weirder than normal. Distant, on edge.”

He huffs at Steve’s words, getting a little more aggressive with his punches and kicks. He doesn’t answer him though, so Steve continues.

“…Does it have something to do with Blue?”

Bucky’s punching bag flies off the chain and across the room a ways before it hits the ground with a thud. He stands there, breathing heavily for a moment.

“No, of course not.” He lies.

Steve takes a break like Buck does and gets some water.

He’s known his friend long enough to have learned his habits. Bucky always gives himself up, so all Steve has to do is wait.

“Okay…maybe she has something to do with it.”

“Ha! I knew it!” Steve laughs. “Everyone can see it, you aren’t being sly.”

Bucky shakes his head, looking at the ground for a moment. “Steve, I don’t know what’s going on with me. I was really good at the girl thing, you know that, but she looks at me and I’m just completely out of it. She terrorizes me in the best way, it’s like I can’t sleep without her whispering in my head.”

Steve looks at him with arched brows. “Jeez, sounds like she’s making you remember you have feelings.” He teases.

Bucky shoves his shoulder. “I’m serious, Steve…maybe I have some screwed up complex now because I think I saved her or something.”

Steve sets his water bottle down. “You did save her…and I think part of her is drawn to you because you’re the only one who doesn’t watch her like she’s an alien.”

Bucky scoffs and goes to the sparing ring, putting on gloves. “I show her decency, that’s what does it?”

Steve follows suit. “You know it’s more than that. You want to know what I think?”

Bucky puts his hands up, getting into his stance. “You’re gonna tell me anyway.”

Steve throws the first punch, Bucky blocks it. “I think she’s the only thing that’s gonna get through to you. She scares you because she’s the only thing that feels real. And that’s probably the case for her. Sure, Nat’s lived the runaway assassin life but she can’t offer the comfort Blue craves.”

The two dodge each other’s hits, circling each other.

Bucky tries to process his words. “I don’t think I’m what she needs. She’s still trying to figure out how to function, she needs someone who’s steady enough to show her how. Like you.”

Steve laughs. “I knew you’d say that.”

“You have things figured out, Steve!” Bucky reasons. “And she’s already attached to you.”

“She’s attached to everyone! That’s why it’s called attachment issues. If you were around more, you’d see that she will stitch herself to who she knows is going to be gentle with her. The kid has only known kindness as a reward, you know what that’s like, Buck.”

Of course he knows what that’s like. He knows the starved feeling for a gentle hand.

Steve continues. “You need to trust yourself, I know you think you might make her worse- that you might make yourself worse, but you won’t.”

Bucky blocks a punch. “I never said that.”

Steve throws another. “You didn’t have to. Look, all I’m saying is maybe trying to kill the urge off isn’t the solution, just give into it.”

Silence passes as they continue to work on fighting techniques, then Steve speaks.

“You might be too old for her.” He jokes.

“Shut up.” Bucky grumbles.

- - - -

Sitting in the corner of the common room, you scroll through online tutorials.

It’s a discovery that you enjoy. You could watch them for hours, enjoying the idea of knowing how to do things other than kill.

How to make chicken noodle soup!

Tutorial on how to change car oil!

Fifteen minute tutorial- how to wash, dry and fold laundry perfectly!

How to achieve Hollywood curls!

By the time Bucky walks by, you’re learning how to position a curling iron for flawless hair. He looks around, seeing if anyone else is around.

It’s just you and him.

He watches you for a moment, wondering silently how you can be so content with sitting alone, being alone.

Though your eyes are still cast at the phone screen, you know he’s there. Pulling your headphones off, you look over at him.

“You’re lurking.” You claim, watching him not move an inch.

“Says the girl who hides in large rooms.” He rebuttals.

You smile and look away.

He wants to ask about it, wants to get it out of the way. But in all honesty, he’s afraid of what you’ll say. He’s been out of the game for a while but he knows that a girl running away after a kiss isn’t the best sign.

You stand from the corner, now avoiding his eyes as if it will ease the awkward tension.

“Blue…” He starts to say. “About the other night-”

Oh no.

You’ve ruined it all. He’s going to tell you that you were out of place, that he doesn’t see you in that way.

Your mind spirals, but your saving grace comes for you.

“Blue.” Nat comes into the room. “Come on, we need to get you briefed for tonight.”

You nod and come to her side immediately.

Bucky’s left standing there, cursing himself.

- - - -

You finish your glamorous makeup and hair, then turn to the dress hanging in your closet, the one Natasha let you borrow.

Breathing deeply, you prepare. You’ve done undercover work many times before, but it’s different. You aren’t seeking violence, you’re seeking answers and trying to stop a deal from going down.

If all went well, you’d find The Ring boss who has a client ready to meet the hit woman best suitable for the job. They’ll drink scotch while she aims to carry out her duty.

You can’t let that happen.

The little black dress fit snug in all the right places, a deep v neck line, elegant enough to not raise any suspicion on if you belonged in the establishment or not.

Kicking off your red sneakers, you roll the lace top stockings up your legs and put heels on.

This was a weird feeling.

You hadn’t been this put together in weeks.

Making sure your thigh holster is secure, you leave your bedroom and meet the others.

Tony runs over the plan once more with Steve, Nat adjusts her updo, Bruce goes to get the van ready for the computer crew.

You linger off to the side, legs crossed, silent until Tony looks over to you.

“Wow.” He nods with an impressed look.

Everyone turns, eyes widening.

“Is-is it okay?” You ask, smoothing the dress fabric.

“Woahhh.” Peter exclaims. “You look hot- beautiful- pretty?”

Tony smacks the side of his head.

Nat smiles. “It’s more than okay, Blue.”

As they compliment you, Bucky is standing there with his eyes trained on you, thinking a million thoughts. And sure, everyone is dressed for the occasion, but you’re the best looking one in his eyes.

“Let’s roll out.” Tony says, dragging Peter whose eyes are as wide as saucers, away to the van.

Nat takes your hand and leads you to the first blacked out suv.

Bucky’s feet falter in their step, just so he can watch you get into the back seat with Steve and Nat. Then he’s nudged into the second car by Sam.

“Come on, lover boy.”

“Don’t talk to me.” Bucky huffs.

You’re amazed at the lights of the city, you hadn’t left the compound since you got there so it was all unreal.

“Here, put this in your ear.” Nat says, handing you the ear piece.

After a moment of silence, you speak.

The sound of your voice in his ear makes Bucky jump slightly as you talk to Steve and Nat.

Sam gives him a side eye look.

“Do you guys trust me?” You ask the two that’s with you.

“Of course.” They answer.

You nod. “Good, because you’re going to have to.”

- - - -

“What is this music?” Steve frowns.

“Nobody plays jazz in clubs anymore.” Tony says through the ear piece. “Alright, Peter and Bruce have visuals, the club cameras are on the screens in front of us.” He states.

You look around at the populated club. “We need to split up.”

Nat nods, then takes off in one direction while you go another. Steve is left to try and act like he belongs there.

“Maybe sending Cap in here wasn’t the best choice.” Sam chuckles as he sees him stick out like a thumb.

“Yeah, relax Steve, you look like someone’s dad.” Nat says, searching the crowd for the suspect.

“More like someone’s grandpa.” Bucky smirks.

“You have no room to talk, Pal.” Steve defends.

You find the bar and lounge on a chair, watching the crowd carefully.

“What can I get you?” The bartender asks.

You slide him a large bill. “Assistance. You think you can do that for me?” You ask with smile.

He smirks and takes the money. “Your wish is my command.”

No mind altering needed, guys were easy.

“Perfect. Get me water in a martini glass, make it look fancy.” You state, then go back to watching.

“How are we supposed to know what the hitman looks like? Hit-woman? Hit-person? Sorry, what are we calling this girl?” Sam asks from the upstairs balcony.

“Look for a woman who’s with an older man. He’ll be wearing the best suit, she’ll be wearing something easy to hide a weapon.” You answer, bringing your faux cocktail to your lips.

“Blue, there’s a body guard to your right, I believe.” Bruce speaks, and you slowly look over your shoulder.

“You’re very correct.” You nod, then turn to the bartender. “You see that guy over there with the buzz cut? Give him a free drink when he comes over.”

The man nods and doesn’t ask any questions.

You eye the body guard that’s posted by an exit, silently luring him in. And everything goes to plan, he gets a free drink, he sits beside you, he’s impressed by your Russian dialect.

Then you invite him to follow you to a storage closet where you send his body straight back into the wall. He folds onto the ground, letting you search him.

“The south exit is free now, there should be a guard posted at each one.” You huff as you toss his gun to the side and search his pockets.

No information.

Bucky looks around, seeing the man standing at the exit he’s walking past. Making sure no one is paying attention, he makes his move, dragging the man out the back door and making sure he stays there.

“West exit is free.” He says.

“Are we just going to ignore the fact that Blue lured that bad guy into a closet?” Peter asks Tony.

Tony sighs. “Everybody has their ways.”

“I have eyes on the suspect, Adolf is in the upstairs vip lounge.” Nat says.

“That’s a horrible name.” Steve comments.

“It’s a little fitting in my opinion.” Bucky hums, moving in closer to the crowd.

If the client was here, that means the target is lurking around somewhere.

And The Ring members would be here soon.

“I thought Adolf Hitler was a saint?” You say, combing some curls back.

“Blue, we’re gonna need to have a serious history lesson.” Steve cringes.

“I guess I shouldn’t say what The Ring told me about Stalin.” You mumble.

“North exit is clear.” Sam says, grunting as he kicks the body guards body into the music equipment room.

The main doors open, and in comes a man. On his arm is a young girl, behind them are two more guards.

“I think the boss is here.” You say.

Tony starts barking out orders, making sure you’re all positioned correctly.

“Make sure SHIELD is on standby.” Steve states. “I don’t plan on hanging out here.”

“I need eyes in the vip section. Blue and Barnes, you’re up.” Tony instructs.

“What?” You squeak out.

“Move your asses.” Is your only response.

You look back at the bartender. “How many people are behind the bar in the vip lounge?” You ask.

“Two.” He answers in confusion at your urgency.

“Is there any other separate rooms attached to the lounge?”

He shakes his head. “No.”

“How many guests are allowed in?”

He takes your glass. “Only four parties are, but the room is booked out completely by one party.”

You quickly run through a plan in your head. “Thanks, you’ve been really helpful.”

Swiftly moving through the crowd, Bucky appears at your side. Starting up the stares to the vip room, you turn to him.

“Room upstairs is clear, two civilians, I guess maybe four or five guards.” You say to the team, then turn to Bucky.

“Let me handle this, okay?” You ask.

He holds your eye. “No promises.”

At the top of the stairs, you button his suit jacket for him and grip onto his bicep.

He looks at you questionably, but you have a serious look about you as you approach the bouncer guarding the entrance.

“This room is booked.” He says.

“Not anymore.” You grin.

Bucky watches as the mans eyes glow an alluring blue color, and as you speak in an almost seductive tone, the man steps away and lets the two of you inside.

“What did you do?” Bucky asks in your ear as he guides you to the booth across from the one where the deal is going on.

“Are you really asking that question?” You state, subtly looking over at the meeting.

You make a quick scan of the room. Adolf has an additional two guards, making this situation outnumbered.

“I need Steve and Nat close by.” You say.

“You wanna let me know this plan you have?” Bucky asks, trying to act naturally but you’re sitting beside him, almost too perfectly close.

“If we let that girl out of our sight, it’s game over.” You mutter to him. “The guards have to go down first, Adolf isn’t going to be armed, the boss is. You leave the girl to me.”

“No.” Bucky immediately says.

“James.” You plead. “You have to trust this.”

“I don’t. It seems too easy.” He argues.

“Trust me, it’s not.” You breathe, looking away to the man staring at the two of you.

He motions for his guard to go talk to the bouncer, surely to complain that they paid good money for the room and he let strangers in.

“A guard is heading your way.” You warn the ones outside the door.

“SHIELD is outside, we need to get this wrapped up.” Bruce says.

“The guard’s dealt with, say the word and we’ll come in.” Nat says.

You look up at Bucky. “Stick to the plan.”

The girl stands after she’s given an instruction.

You follow the action, calmly coming up on her side.

“Count of five.” Bucky signals to everyone.

1…

The men take notice of you following their assassin.

2…

She looks at you with a dangerous look.

3…

You grab her by the back of the neck, sweep her legs out from under her and put her on the ground.

4…

Bucky rushes from the booth and to the guards who draw their guns.

5

The rest of the team bursts in.

It’s a dog fight, shots are being fired, and the girl quickly gains control of the situation. One moment, you have her pinned, the other she’s teleported behind you.

“I can help you.” You try to reason, your power gathered in your palms. “Позвольте мне помочь.”

She looks at you strangely before she attacks.

Downstairs, SHIELD agents are busting, causing a commotion. Adolf tries to escape, only for Nat to hold him at gun point.

The three remaining guards put up a fight, much like this girl you truly don’t want to hurt.

“я могу освободить тебя!” You reason, blocking her attacks, trying to wrangle the knife from her hands.

The guards are down, agents are coming into the room.

And what no one expects is for the boss to pull his gun from his jacket. With one single command from him, the girl moves away from you and drops the knife.

Before Bucky can even react and disarm the man, he fires the shot and the girl falls to the floor.

“No!” You scream, scrambling to her. Her shaky hands can barely cover the wound to her chest, it bleeds violently.

“No, no, no.” You panic, pulling her into your lap. Applying pressure to the wound, she gurgles and sputters, looking up at you. “Someone get a medic right now!” You scream.

You don’t know what’s happening around you, but everything slows as agents haul off the two guilty men.

“You’re okay. С тобой все будет в порядке.” You promise her, blood coating your hands and dress.

She looks up at you with fear, but eventually a weak smile pulls on her lips. She coughs up crimson, then puts her hand over yours and goes still.

“Blue…” Bucky approaches.

Tears fall from your eyes, hot with anger.

“Blue.” He says again, crouching to touch your shoulder.

You swallow harshly. “She’s gonna be fine, right? Right, James? SHIELD can save her like they saved me? Right, James?” You plead.

Everyone looks away, two agents come to pull the strangers body from you.

“Blue…let’s go home.” Is all he says, pulling you back as the girl is taken.

He helps you stand, all you can do is stare at your red hands and the stained dress.

You are no stranger to being covered in blood, but for once, this isn’t a life you took.

Why does it still feel like your fault?

You’re not sure who wipes your hands clean, or how you manage to make it out of the building. There’s news outlets waiting, there’s cameras flashing and people yelling questions or people yelling at the reporters to get back.

You’re getting wrapped in Bucky’s jacket and put into the back of a car.

The city lights don’t matter to you anymore, everyone’s mood is solemn.

“Sorry that your dress is ruined, Nat.” You speak almost ghostly.

“I was going to let you keep it anyway.” She responds.

- - - -

It’s 3 am.

You’re at the kitchen island with a pen and paper, trying to rewrite the events, trying to come up with a different outcome like it’s a math solution.

You don’t look up when you feel his presence. “Hello, James.” You mumble.

“It’s really late.” He states. “Maybe you should go to bed?”

Your hair is damp from a shower, makeup long gone, you’re wearing boxer shorts and a long sleeve shirt to keep the chill off.

“I’ve written out five different scenarios.” You state. “And they all show one thing. We should have disarmed him sooner. Of course he was going to kill her, it made sense, that’s what they do. One wrong move, they have to cut their losses. They’ll never let anyone have their creations.”

Bucky frowns and comes forward. “You need to stop thinking about this.”

You shake your head. “304. That was her number. They’ll have to replace her. We should be on the lookout for that.”

“Blue…will you please let this rest until tomorrow?”

You ignore him and shuffle your note pad to a blank page, starting to right down a potential plan. “This will be reported to Head Father, that the boss of the bosses, he oversees all four divisions.”

“I thought there was five divisions.”

You stop writing.

“There was, I am the last of the fifth division.” You say simply.

Bucky leans on the island beside you.

As you write, you take a shaky breath. “When the scientist messed up, he was executed. We were transported to the warehouse in Vermont and the others were shot one by one until the man came to me…and I made him turn the gun on himself like I made that bouncer let us pass. I ran like hell, somehow ended up in the city and well, you know the rest.”

Bucky doesn’t say a word, but he doesn’t look at you in horror, just…looks at you.

“That is what The Ring does. We are only important if we are doing our labor correctly, otherwise we are just abominations.” You finally look at him, your throat bobs. “I forgot that, and that girl died…so I won’t forget it again.”

He breathes out and nods. You’re standing there with a determined look, broken in a way he isn’t, and he’s never been more clear of his feelings for you. He’d fight whatever battle you asked him to, he knows that for certain. He’d do it if it was his hand you were holding.

“There’s a word, alexthymia, it means you can’t express how you feel.” You say. “It might just be the thing I suffer from because I am so angry and sad, and here I am, trying to rewrite history.” You dryly laugh, shoulders shaking until it turns into a sob.

It’s a silent one that stops your breathing.

Bucky feels like a fool, standing there, watching you break down. It occurs to him that this entire time, he hasn’t seen you cry.

Slowly, cautiously, he pulls you into him. Your face buries in his chest, his hand on the back of your head as you take in broken breaths. At first, your hands are balled into fists, but as you slowly fall into that warm feeling of him, they relax and your arms twist around him.

He’s not sure how long the two of you stand like this, but Bucky is the most comfortable he’s ever been.

Eventually, you pull back and wipe your eyes.

His hand gently strokes down your hair as he looks down at you with care.

There it is, another feeling you’re not sure how to express.

Slowly, your hand raises, the tips of your fingers gently pressing to his lips, imitating the action he did the night before.

Bucky smiles, letting out a small breath. “Please don’t run away this time.” He whispers, gently grabbing your hand and leaning down to you.

Your eyes widen as he kisses you, but after a short moment, your body softly hums in delight and your eyes drift closed. One arm around his neck, you breathe him in deeply, utterly lost in the feeling as you kiss him back meaningfully. It’s not hungry, not lustrous, it caring and slow and something so kind, full of emotion the two of you can’t figure out what to do with.

He pulls you in closer, his hands have never held anything the way they hold you. Even as he pulls away, he keeps you right where you are, watching as you chase his lips for a moment.

“Your heart’s beating really fast.” You tell him and he nods.

“Yours is too.”

There’s not many words spoken as he takes you to your room, making you promise you’ll get some sleep.

You don’t let go of his hand though as he drops you off.

“Can you…stay? Please?” You whisper, afraid of disappointment.

He should say no. What is something happens? What if he has a nightmare and hurts you?

Bucky takes a second, then nods.

Your room is bare, blank walls, a few things on your desk, a grey comforter on the bed.

Nervously, you pull the blanket back and lay on your side of the bed. Bucky watches you roll onto your side, facing the window. He pulls his shirt off, drops it to the floor and comes to the vacant side.

Staring at the ceiling, he determines that he’ll stay until you’re asleep, then go back to his bed on the floor.

He won’t, though, that’s just the nervous side of his brain talking.

You roll over, wordlessly curling into his side, tucking your head against his shoulder, face buried into his neck.

He processes this choice, and though he’s afraid, he smiles and wraps an arm around you.

- - - -

He’s never slept so peacefully.

When daylight comes and he’s finally woken, you’re still sleeping softly, hand gripping his dog tags.

He doesn’t want to move you, but he really should get up and go back to his room, go take a shower.

Carefully, he untangles you from him and waits to make sure you don’t stir awake before he slips from the room.

Rubbing his eyes as he opens the door, Bucky steps out into the hall, only to be met with Peter.

“Bugboy.” He grunts.

Peter, obviously surprised, holds a flower in his hand.

“Oh h-hey, Bucky.” He awkwardly said, then clears his throat and makes his voice deeper. “I was just seeing if Blue was alright.”

Bucky looks the kid up and down. “She’s alright.”

“Well I’ll just…leave this note for her.” He says, putting the note and flower at the door.

“You do know that she’s too old for you, right?” Bucky asks, amused by the pining.

“Some could argue you’re too old for her.” He chuckles.

Bucky glares.

Peter walks off.