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hostess-of-horror · 3 years

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A Family Gathering

[M.B. is my Cadetsona OC, Shelley is my Sam and Max fanchild OC, M.J. belongs to @sleepy-heads-blog, and Sean and Nyarly belong to @drusb]

Note: This takes place after "A Day at the Diner" and before "Cadet's First Case".

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Shelley: "Big brother, look!"

[With a toothy grin, Shelley lifts up a long centipede from underneath a rock. M.J. turns around to see her shaking it with glee.]

M.J.: "Oooh, that's a big one! Good job, Shelley!"

[Shelley squeaks happily and proceeds to eat the centipede, which makes a slight crunchy sound. M.J. smiles and leans onto the porch fence, looking out onto the neighborhood. The Commissioner had given Sam and Max a day off since there were no cases to be found. So in order to celebrate that sometimes-rare occasion, they invited family and friends over. M.J. could hear the commotion from inside the house; their laughter muffled by the walls. He could join them, but he was waiting for someone. He watches out towards the right side of the road patiently. Shelley looks up, climbs up the fence, and sits right on the edge next to M.J.]

M.J.: "I think you're gonna like Miss M.B. She's a really nice lady."

Shelley: "Miss... M...B...?"

M.J.: "Uh-huh. She is Dad and Papa's Cadet for the Freelance Police. Miss M.B. is our friend and she has these really cool powers that make all sorts of things appear."

[Shelley tilts her head, her ears flopping to one side. M.J. reaches out and lifts her up, carrying her like a small baby.]

M.J.: "I definitely think she'll really like you."

[Suddenly, a horn is heard. It's the DeSoto, pulling up into the front parking lot. M.J. knew what that meant.]

M.J.: "Dad! Papa! Miss M.B.!"

Sam: "Hey, son! Hey, Shelley!"

Max: "Hello, my little critters!"

[Coming out of the backseat is M.B., dressed in much nicer clothing than she wore before. A long, black, sheer kimono drapes over a soft tank top and a long black skirt, which is covered in coffin patterns. Her jewelry were a mix of spiked bracelets and several Anhks on her necklace and earrings. Over her eyes are a pair of magenta tea shades. Her dirty blonde hair is hanging loose around her shoulders, revealing her shaved hair on the right side of her head. Her boots were black leather with a touch of heel to them.]

M.B.: "Hey, lil' dude! How's it going?"

M.J.: "Miss M.B., you're here!"

[M.J. runs up to receive a big hug from M.B.]

M.B.: "Aw, did you miss me?" *gasps* "And who is this?"

M.J.: "Oh! This is Shelley, our new baby sister."

M.B.: "Awwww, she's so precious! Hi there, Shelley. It's nice to meet you."

[Shelley looks up at M.B., almost shying away. She then returns the smile. M.B. giggles.]

Sam: "Well, the rest of the family's inside, so let's not keep 'em waiting, shall we?"

[Sam wraps his arms around the two and heads up towards the entrance. They all enter inside and in the living room sits Sean and Nyarly in a couch playing Mortal Kombat while Geek and John watches.]

Sean: "Oh hey, you're back!"

Geek: "Hi, M.B.!"

M.B.: "Hey Geek."

[M.B. waves and smiles. But deep down inside, she still cannot help but feel terrible about breaking her heart over at the Diner. Even if everything has been patched up afterwards.]

Nyarly: "God, stop picking Scorpion! Choose someone else for once!"

Sean: "I do better with Scorpion, he's my main! It's not my fault you're a noob at this game."

Nyarly: "Alright, Noob Saibot it is. Let's go!"

M.B.: "Ooooh, Mortal Kombat! I love this game!"

[She goes to sit down alongside Geek and John. M.J. joins and Shelley goes over to Sam and climbs up onto his back.]

Shelley: "Father!"

Sam: "Hehe, hey there, sweetie. Father loves you too. Wanna help me with tonight's dinner? Come on. To the kitchen!"

[Sam rushes into the kitchen, giving Shelley a piggy back ride. She squeals in delight, giggling all the way. Max follows the two. The rest of the family sits and watches Sean and Nyarly battle it out on Mortal Kombat. Scorpion vs. Noob Saibot. Fighting to the death in the main tournament stage.]

Nyarly: "Oh, come on!"

Sean: *smirks*

Nyarly: "Are you spamming the special move button?!"

Sean: ".... maybe."

Nyarly: "Well, two can play at that game."

[Noob Saibot successfully dodges Scorpion's attack and perfectly lands a combo move. Soon an x-ray vision appears on the screen, revealing every graphic detail of Scorpion's bones being broken into bits. This brings his health bar all the way down.]

Nyarly: "HA!"

Sean: "What?!"

[Then the moment of truth. A voice booms, "FATALITY!" Nyarly quickly presses in the buttons and immediately Noob Saibot begins his fatality. Sean looks on in utter defeat as Scorpion gets brutally slaughtered by the hands of his opponent. M.B. claps.]

M.B.: "Well done, Nyarly!"

Nyarly: "Hey, M.B., wanna join?"

M.B.: "Oh hell yeah. Although I am a bit rusty, I must admit. Been a while since I played this game."

Nyarly: "Ah, don't worry... I'll go easy on you."

M.B.: "Is that a challenge?"

Nyarly: "....maybe."

M.B.: "Oh-kay then, let's go."

[Sean gives the controller to M.B. and switch seats. Nyarly picks Noob Saibot again. M.B. picks Mileena.]

Sean: "Oh, Mileena?"

M.B.: "Yeah, she's one of my favorites. Both beauty and beast."

[After picking a stage, the fight begins. Noob Saibot begins to win until Mileena manages to bring his health down by a landslide. Round One ends with Mileena's victory.]

M.B.: "Yes!"

Nyarly: "Ah, that was just beginner's luck!"

M.B.: "Heh... How's that denial working for ya?"

[Sean and Geek 'ooooh's and laughs. Nyarly slowly turns to M.B.]

Nyarly: "Wow, smart-ass." *chuckles* "Alright, no more Mr. Nice Guy."

[Round Two begins. Noob Saibot brings out the big guns and completely decimates Mileena.]

M.B.: "Ah sh*t!"

Geek: "You got this, M.B.!"

M.J.: "Last round!"

[The final round begins and it becomes intense. M.B. slams her buttons with all her might as Nyarly presses every combo he can remember. Eventually, Mileena manages to get an x-ray combo on Noob Saibot.]

M.B.: "YEAH!"

Nyarly: "Don't jinx yourself now!"

[This brings down Noob Saibot's health bar. Now both health bars are almost at equal amounts. Nyarly dodges Mileena's attack and gets an x-ray combo on her. M.B.'s competitiveness comes out and desperately slams the buttons even more. This leads to both characters almost dying. Just a few hits and one of them is done for.]

Sean: "Oh damn..."

Geek: "Who's it gonna be?"

M.J.: "Oh, so close!"

[Mileena makes an attempt to dodge and hit Noob Saibot with a combo attack, but wasn't quick enough. FATALITY!]

Nyarly: "Looks like I win again."

Sean: "You were so close, M.B.!"

M.B.: *chuckles* "I know!"

Nyarly: "That was a really good fight, though. You did pretty good. Alright, who's next?"

M.J.: "Oh, oh, oh, me! Me! Me!"

[M.B. hands over the controller and switches seats. Another battle begins, this time between Raiden and Kitana. Suddenly, the doorbell rings.]

Geek: "I got it!"

[Geek opens the door. Standing in front of the entrance is another family member.]

Geek: *gasps* "Granny!"

Granny Ruth: "Hello, dearie!" *hugs Geek* "I hope I wasn't late."

Geek: "Not at all. We're just getting started. Come on in!"

M.J. and John: "Granny Ruth!"

[Nyarly pauses the game and allows M.J. to join in on the group hug. Granny Ruth is immediately showered with affection by her great grandchildren. Sam and Max come out of the kitchen and greet her as well. Granny Ruth looks over to see M.B.]

Granny Ruth: "Ah, you must be the new Cadet my grandson has been telling me about. Why, it's so good to finally see you, dearie!"

M.B.: "Pleasure to meet you, ma'am."

Granny Ruth: "Oh, please, no need for formalities. You can just call me 'Granny'." *smiles*

[Granny Ruth reaches out for a hug and M.B. accepts it. M.B. has heard so many good things about Granny Ruth from Sam and Max. Amazing things, in fact. So much so that getting permission to just call her 'Granny' felt like the highest of honor. M.B. has family back home, so of course she would never forget them. But at this very moment, M.B. felt like she belonged. Like she was wanted.]

Max: "You're just in time, Granny Ruth! We just finished fixing up dinner. Just head right into the kitchen and help yourselves out!"

[Everyone headed into the kitchen and was greeted to a whole potluck dinner. The entire room smells delicious, making M.B.'s mouth water. After everyone got their plates and their meals, they all sat down together and ate. Soon M.B. learns that Sam and Max's family were anything but "normal." Boisterous laughter erupted as conversations began turning into jokes. M.B. felt more and more comfortable with them, for all of this was very familiar to her. Her own family were full of funny people, especially her uncle. As she was getting really comfortable sitting in silence, watching everyone chat, a question gave her quite the surprise.]

M.J.: "Oh, Miss M.B.! Can you show us your powers after dinner?"

Granny Ruth: "Powers?"

Sam: "The kid has illusionary abilities. She can make things appear out of thin air."

Max: "I think she's some sort of witch or something."

M.J.: "Yeah, she once defended me from a bully once. Come on, Miss M.B.! Please~?"

M.B.: "Oh, uh... sure! Sorry, you just caught me off guard. Wasn't expecting it, that's all. I'll think of something after dinner."

M.J.: "Yay!"

[The spotlight has fallen upon M.B. She always hated stuff like this, having other people ask for her to do or perform something. Despite having an immense interest in theater, she wasn't one to always try to attract attention. Especially when the spotlight is forced upon her. However, this was different - an exception, because how could anyone resist an adorable little bunny in a sweater? When dinner was finished, everyone gathered outside in the backyard as M.B. walks further from them, making the entire lot her stage. She checks her phone for Wi-Fi and searches up some music. M.B. finally picks a song: "Dance with the Dragon" by Dark Sarah. As it begins to play, she focuses in on her powers. The purple and green aura emerges from her hands and evoke a wondrous scene. A decadent ballroom lit with multiple candles where a young lady in a black gown is captured by well-dressed gentleman, who is a dragon in disguise. The lyrics begin to sing.]

Lyrics:

[DRAGON:]

🎶I know why you're here, don't try to escape my dear, you've been naughty I know by trying to steal something of my own🎶 [DARK SARAH:] 🎶I have no idea, why I have been dragged down here...🎶 [DRAGON:] 🎶Don't lie!🎶 [DARK SARAH:] 🎶...Nor what you're talking about, and sir there's no reason to shout!🎶 [DRAGON:] 🎶And sure there's a reason to shout!🎶 [DARK SARAH:] 🎶I saw the key but didn't steal!🎶 [DRAGON:] 🎶You saw the key and tried to steal!🎶 [DRAGON:] I see... What do we have here?

[DARK SARAH:] What?... nothing... [DRAGON:] 🎶Now I know why you're here, you are a mischievous thief,🎶 [DARK SARAH:] 🎶... just can't lie to him...🎶 [DRAGON:] 🎶But if you want the key, you need to earn it my my dear!🎶 [DARK SARAH:] 🎶He sees right through me, oh bugger! He just..🎶 [DRAGON:] 🎶This is how we treat our guests who are trying to cheat, you need to earn it my dear!🎶 [DARK SARAH:] 🎶...took the only ticket I had, I guess I have to🎶 [DRAGON:] 🎶so you will be my rag doll tonight, tonight,🎶

[DARK SARAH:] 🎶see where this leads🎶 [DRAGON:] 🎶At the dragon's ball!🎶

[The lady and the Dragon then begin to dance.] [DARK SARAH & DRAGON:] 🎶Take my all, I surrender, surrender! Look at me and the way I ask for forgiveness, kindness and help! Take my all, I surrender, surrender! You/I will die another day, another way🎶 [DARK SARAH:] I think we're done now [DRAGON:] You think so? [DARK SARAH:] ...I have to go! [DRAGON:] 🎶You're not going anywhere!🎶 [DARK SARAH:] 🎶Why are you, making this🎶

[DRAGON:] 🎶You don't know...🎶 [DARK SARAH:] 🎶...Harder than it is?🎶 [DRAGON:] 🎶I cry on my own...🎶 [DARK SARAH:] 🎶You have the key,🎶 [DRAGON:] 🎶In this lonely place...🎶 [DARK SARAH:] 🎶That you don't even need🎶 [DRAGON:] 🎶That is why...🎶 [DARK SARAH:] 🎶You're standing here between me and my life.🎶 [DRAGON:] 🎶...I'm standing here between you and your life!🎶 [DARK SARAH:] 🎶...I'm sorry to say...🎶 [DRAGON:] 🎶What now?🎶

[DARK SARAH:]

🎶...just get off with your tail!🎶 🎶Hahhah!!!🎶 [DARK SARAH & DRAGON:] 🎶Take my all, I surrender, surrender! Look at me and the way I ask for forgiveness, kindness and help! Take my all, I surrender, surrender! You/I will die another day, another way🎶

[Then M.B. morphs the scene into a beautiful garden. This is the dragon's backstory, where he was once happy. There with him is his bride, who looks very similar to the lady.] [DARK SARAH & DRAGON:] 🎶Nannannannanna, Leoleolelee!🎶 [DRAGON:] 🎶May I have this dance?🎶 [DARK SARAH:] 🎶Aaaah!🎶 [DARK SARAH & DRAGON:] 🎶Nannannannanna, Leoleolelee!🎶 [DRAGON:] 🎶I will show you my best moves...🎶 [DARK SARAH:] 🎶Aaaah, you best moves...🎶

[The flashback fades and the scene returns to the present.] [DRAGON:] 🎶... Why don't you?🎶 [DARK SARAH:] 🎶I just need the key, I'm trying to get out of here I know that it's a bad deal And disappointed you must feel But please help me to escape🎶 [DARK SARAH & DRAGON:] 🎶Take my all, I surrender, surrender! Look at me and the way I ask for forgiveness, kindness and help! Take my all, I surrender, surrender! You/I will die another day, another way Look at me and the way I ask for Forgiveness, kindness and help! Take my all, I surrender, surrender! We will die another day, another way... another way...another way...another day...another way...! 🎶

[M.B. ends her illusionary show. The whole family goes into a roaring applauds, cheering at the amazing spectacle.]

M.J.: "THAT WAS AWESOME!!!"

Geek: "Dude!"

Shelley: *happy bat squeaks*

Granny Ruth: "Well I'll be... I've never seen such a wonderful show since I was a little girl. You, dearie, have such a wonderful gift."

M.B.: "Thanks, Granny. Thank you all so very much!"

[Sam leans over and nudges Max.]

Sam: *whispering* "You know, little buddy, she can make quite a difference when it comes to cases."

Max: *whispering back* "You mean like making mushy fairy tales while blasting musical numbers from her phone?"

Sam: "I mean as our Cadet, pinhead! Imagine all the things she could do for the law!"

Max: "I dunno, Sam... is she even prepared to get smacked down by a bunch of hardened criminals? 'Cause she's giving me theater kid vibes, as the youth put it."

[Sam and Max watch as M.B. is surrounded by the rest of the family. M.B. is receiving hugs and pats on the back. She even lifts and hold Shelley in her arms, creating a tiny blue butterfly for her to marvel at. It lands on her nose, tickling her.]

Sam: "Heh... let's find out, shall we?"

#my writing #M.B.#The Cadet's #Cadetsona OC #Self-insert OC #M.J.#Geek #John #Sean and Nyarly #Granny Ruth #Sam and max freelance police #Sam and max freelance husbands #Sam and max this time it's virtual #This Time It's Virtual #Sam and max

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cecilspeaks · 4 years

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168 - Secret Blotter

Life is 10 per cent what happens to you And 90 per cent false memories of what you think happened to you. Welcome to Night Vale.

In an effort to bring more transparency to the Sheriff’s Secret Police, a chronicle of one night’s dispatches will be released to the public. This action comes at the behest of the City Council, who voted unanimously on a resolution to ban plastic bags.

Now, OK, while those two things may not seem related, Sheriff Sam misunderstood the vote as a rallying cry against tyrannical surveillance and a personal threat, involving being thrown to the pit of vipers behind the bowling alley. Sheriff Sam, who has a paralyzing fear of vipers, proposed a compromise in which Secret Police dispatches would be temporarily divulged, so the public can get a better idea of what agency does and how tax dollars are being spent. A plan which was readily accepted by the Council, though they continued to roll their eyes and gnash their teeth and chant softly: [creepy voice] “Viper pit! Viper pit! Blessed be the viper pit!” Which is just how they express a “yay” vote on procedural issues.

As a result, Night Vale has its first ever police blotter. Let’s dig in. 9 o’clock PM. Missing person reported inside the Ralphs. Night manager on duty says employee went to stock some cases of Lime-A-Ritas in the new walk-in beer cave and never came out. Reporting officer thoroughly checked beer cave and confirmed it was deserted. Three cases of the beverage were left haphazardly in the middle of the floor, and a loading dolly had tipped over onto its side. Manager states employee originally brought in four cases. Manager added one missing case of Lime-A-Ritas to the report. When asked if this kind of thing has happened before, manager changed subject and asked if officer would like to look at some of the children’s drawing contest submissions. Officer was amenable to this request.

9:16 PM. Noise complaint. Dog barking in an unknown language annoying residents. Dirty white fur, human face. Gone when officer arrived on scene.

9:25 PM. Two underage residents attempted to sneak into an R-rated movie by pretending to be one tall person in a trench coat. When confronted by officer, they turned into a swarm of flies and dispersed.

10:01 PM. Noise complaint. A sound resembling television static was being emitted from a shower drain out in the Hefty Sycamore trailer park. When recorded and played backwards, it turned out to be a broadcast from a 1952 episode of the game show “Beat the Clock”, where contestants competed to see how many pieces they could smash a clock into. A plumber was called.

10:15 PM. A resident of Desert Creek searched for “easy tortellini recipes”, but none of them were easy enough. It was so late already, and they needed to get to bed soon, but they were also very hungry and needed to eat dinner first. They wanted something quick, but they also wanted a real dinner, not a false dinner like… cereal? They became hyperaware that the more they deliberated on what to make, the longer it was all taking. And factoring in the decision-making time on top of the meal prep time was becoming additionally stressful in relation to the desire to get to bed soon.

11:30 PM. A Coyote Corner’s swimming pool filled with blood and began swirling furiously in a counter-clockwise direction. Home owner appeared distressed. Officer advised home owner to drain pool.

11:31 PM. Multiple residents awoke in a cold sweat from the same dream. It wasn’t necessarily a nightmare, but it was definitely not pleasant. The only thing they could recall afterwards was that it was showing, and that there was a tree with seven limbs.

12:00 AM. Witches.

2:00 AM. That time of night when everything starts getting hazy. Were you headed to a crime? Checking a surveillance station? Listening to a wiretap? Going home? Returning to headquarters? Signalling an invisible helicopter? Sometimes you lose track. An old local legend comes into your mind, and you try to recall the details. It’s been so long since you heard it. You watch the headlights bounce along the dirt road ahead, and your eyes begin to play tricks on you, sensing movement in the dark margins where the light doesn’t penetrate. You turn off the lights and slow the vehicle. They weren’t tricks after all. There is movement here, a dark writhing mass entering the roadway. You are forced to stop the car. Eyes flesh open in the dark. Many sets of eyes. This isn’t part of a half-remembered legend. This is something very, very real.

More of the blotter soon. But first, let’s have a look at traffic. You’re hunting in a pack near the Old Highway. The smell of blood is in the air. Headlights bounce over the rise and your stomachs rumble. The moon flees behind the clouds and you fan out, along both sides of the road, moving parallel to it like a lazy river. The car approaches and slows. It shuts off its headlights, as you knew it would. Some of you push ahead to the car, blocking its path. Others move to the rear and others remain at the sides boxing it in. You converge, surrounding it more tightly the door opens, then closes again, the fleshy creature inside cursing softly. You hear a crackle of radio static, but you know it is inconsequential to you. You consume the metal shell first. There are explosions of air and the hiss of leaking fluids. Then the glass, crunchy and cool in your collective gullet. And finally, the screaming delicacy in the center, the cloth-wrapped package of meat and bone. There are other things afterward, less enjoyable, but consumable nonetheless. Papers and electronics, and the pleather, and cold French fries in the back. Nothing must remain. By the time the moon emerges from the clouds, the old highway will be deserted once more. This has been traffic.

And now a word from our sponsors. Today’s show is brought to you by TickTock. The only app that tells you exactly how long you have left to live. The sleek countdown display synchs easily with all of your devices, so that you can check your mortality at a glance. The premium edition provides additional details, such as manner and location of death, and updates to the minute, as you make different choices throughout your day. You’ll find yourself asking questions like, why did returning a library book just subtract 4 years from my life? How did leaving late for work change my final outcome from drowning in gulch to birds of prey? Why does it say “tomorrow” all of a sudden? [panicking] It must be some kind of glitch, right? OK, OK, I’ve updated the app but it still hasn’t changed. It still says “tomorrow”. I just got checked out by a doctor and they said I’m in great shape, I’m staying home from work, I’m not answering the door, I’ve closed the blinds and I’m sitting on the couch, surrounded by pillows, not moving, not even blinking, I’ve done everything dammit, EVERYTHING!!! WHY DOES IT STILL SAY “TOMORROW”???!! Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock. This has been a word from our sponsors.

Back to the Sheriff’s Secret Police blotter. 2:30 AM. Responded to an officer distress call on the Old Highway. No sign of officer or vehicle found. Must have been a false alarm.

3:15 AM. Nude man ranting in middle of old highway, carrying a case of alcoholic beverages. Identified as the night shift stocker at the Ralphs. Claims he entered the walk-in refrigerator at work, reached up to place the case of beverages on the shelf, and abruptly found himself in a network of ice caves. He eventually climbed up a snowy mountain where he met a robed figure he refers to as “The Oracle”. “The Oracle” foretold of a hungry darkness with a thousand eyes and urged that the portal must be cloooosed. The Ralphs employee also reported that “The Oracle” had slurred speech and seemed unsteady on its feet, and may have been inebriated. After this exchange, he then found himself standing in the Sand Wastes nude. He does not know where his clothes are. Officer escorted man back to the Ralphs to finish out his shift.

3:35 AM. Domestic disturbance. “He won’t stop practicing the flute!” a Cactus Bloom resident reported, indicating his dopplegänger who stood in the corner of the bedroom, staring unblinkingly at the wall and playing the same halting scale on a wooden flute. Officer advised resident to take a melatonin and try to get some sleep. “If he doesn’t stop, I can’t be held responsible!” the sleep-deprived resident threatened. “Sounds fair,” the officer agreed and left the premises.

4:00 AM. An alarm clock went off in Old Town. A woman attempted to get out of bed, but her cat walked sleepily onto her person and began purring, preventing her from rising. Her cat is elderly and the woman knows its number of purrs are finite and must be honored. Eventually, she put on coffee and took a shower. She used Herbal Solution shampoo for a lifelong dandruff condition, though she has not seen any improvement after years of using the products. She continues using it, because she likes the way it smells. It smells medicinal, like it’s helping, and it does tingle, like the label promises. The tingle means it’s working, the label says. So it must be working.

And now a break form the police blotter for some sports news. Night Vale High School – go Scorpions! – has added a concession stand to be used during sporting events. The parent-teacher association proudly unveiled the new stand at last week’s baseball game, dedicating the plywood structure to the memory of favorite AP auto shop teacher, Nick Teller. Teller reacted with confusion at this news, as he is still alive. “Oh, of co-, no, of course you are,” the PTA responded awkwardly, “but we just wanted to honor – your memory, as in what a great memory you have. You-you know how you’re really good at remembering stuff? We just wanted to, yeah uh, honor that,” the PTA went on, seemingly unable to stop explaining themselves, whilst standing in front of the dedication plaque, which featured several doves, a Celtic cross, and an image of clasped hands. Teller admitted he does have an excellent memory and is very honored. The following concessions are available at the Teller memorial stand: Special allowances, the granting of rights, the acceptance of certain things as truth, the yielding of certain other things as untruth. Also, RC Cola and popcorn.

Oh, which reminds me, we actually have another word from our sponsor, Royal Crown Cola. Invented by Ferdinand the 1st, king of Naples, who built a museum of mummies inside his palace to house the bodies of his slain enemies. “I am parched from building this museum of mummies,” he famously said, and the rest is history. RC Cola – the drink of ruthless monarchs.

In local news, I have the results of the Ralphs drawing contest. Local school children were encouraged to submit a drawing to the store this week, depicting their favorite Ralphs product. I’ll start with the runners up. The third place drawing comes to us from Ella Snider, a student from Night Vale Elementary, and it shows a large black scribbled mass with a lot of eyes on it, with the Ralphs building on fire in the background. Very creative, Ella!

The second place drawing comes from Jace McCoy, also from Night Vale Elementary, and this one also shows a black mass with many eyes and a big bright red splatter of blood across the page. Nice use of color, Jace!

And the grand price winner comes to us from Heather (Fathusam) [0:16:52] of Daggers Plunge Charter School. Her drawing features a beautiful black mass with lots of lovely eyes, and it’s holding a box of store brand frozen pizza rolls. Congratulations, Heather!

Back to the blotter. 4:01 AM. Distress call from the Ralphs. Upon arrival, officer was pulled into the manager’s office. The employee from the earlier incident was also present, huddled under a desk. Manager frantically indicated the surveillance window that looks out into the store, which he normally uses to spy on shoppers and report on what they are wearing for his Customer Fashion newsletter. Shelves of products were being knocked over and consumed by a vast dark nothingness. The back of the store then burst into flames. The manager implored the officer to quote, “Do something, please, or we’ll all be killed!” Officer used the intercom system to tell the nothingness to vacate the store immediately, and advised it of trespass and vandalism laws. The nothingness took the form of many dark shapes with many eyes. A tank of fresh seafood exploded and numerous shellfish were damaged. Officer advised the shapes that they were all under arrest. “Stop talking to it!” the manager cried and knocked the intercom mic out of the officer’s hand. Approximately 1000 eyes turned to look at the office window. Interesting. Well.

Let’s have a look at that weather.

[“Best Friends” by Curtains: https://curtains.bandcamp.com/]

4:35 AM. Situation escalated at the Ralphs. Officer, manager and employee embraced one another under the office desk amid the shattered glass of the surveillance window. The building trembled around them, products flew through the air, half the inventory was sucked into oblivion, and a great fire blazed, spreading to the bakery section. After doing an estimated 200,000 dollars worth of damage, the darkness and its many eyes entered the beer cave and did not come back out. Officer investigated the beer cave and found it to be empty. “You have to shut down the cave!” the Ralphs employee implored the manager. “That’s its doorway to our world!” The manager hedged and responded that a big heat wave was coming and if they hoped to recoup any of their losses, keeping the beer cave open was going to be instrumental to the store’s survival. “People will spend big on frosty cold beverages,” the manager responded. “Not to mention they’re gonna like standing around in there for a nice cool-down.” The employee wrapped his robe tightly around himself. Oh, the manager had lent him the robe, one of the many fashion items the manager kept in his collection, since the employee still didn’t know where his clothes had gone. “OK,” the employee said. He picked up a Lime-A-Rita and guzzled it down in one continuous gulp. Then he said, his voice already a little slurred: “I’ll have to try to shhhhtop it myself.” He ran into the beer cave and promptly vanished.

5:40 AM. Tree with seven limbs seen growing out of a hole in the vacant lot out back of the Ralphs. Snow observed on the branches, which melted off quickly as the sun rose.

5:45 AM. Real pretty sunrise.

Well, that concludes our Secret Police blotter. I dunno about the rest of you, but I personally feel a lot more safe and secure getting a closer look at what our Secret Police do. On behalf of Night Vale Community Radio, thank you for your service. I’m sure we will all rest a lot easier knowing that our fate is in your hands. Our sleeping bodies are under your watchful eye, and our every thought and action is being monitored for the greater good. As Secret Police mascot Barks Ennui always says: Stay tuned, stay, vigilant, report your neighbors. Woof. Woof.

Good night, Night Vale, Good night.

Today’s proverb: Six out of seven dentists have no idea where that seventh one disappeared to. Honest, they all have rock solid alibis and that blood could have belonged to anyone.

#welcome to night vale #wtnv #wtnv transcripts #episode 168 #secret blotter

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dumplingsspookysweeties · 4 years

Text

Merskeleton bitty information

Here is the information for our merskeleton (fish) bitties!

cut below for length

Blue tang (tale!sans mer bitty):

though not exactly like the fish, this merskele loves to doze on rocks either above or below the surface!

Keep him happy with any food you find tasty or let him experiment!

does well alone or with companions, though his personality tends to clash with the more belligerent bitties of all types.

Goldfish (tale!Papyrus mer bitty):

Much more energetic, intelligent, and loving than his namesake!

Loves cuddles and will happily swim in your pool with you, but keep him away from running filters! He’ll get stuck and very unhappy until he is removed from the machinery.

Loves fresh fruit! He’ll eat most anything, but giving him fruit makes him happiest.

Does best with friends, either other mer bitties or land dwellers!

Hammer (fell!Sans mer bitty):

Make sure his tank has a large structure or plant for him to sulk in.

Tends to be grouchy but will enjoy cuddles despite this behavior.

Big appetite and loves meat

does best on his own, or with a calm and resolute companion

Emperor (fell!Papyrus mer bitty):

likes to collect things (try using tiny sculptures or other objects of beauty) and decorate his tank with his collection

will be very tsundere; give him time alone with you and he’ll warm up

Barely eats, but enjoys fish

does best alone, but will also thrive as a leader in a community

Parrot (swap!Sans mer bitty):

will help other bitties, especially if they’re nervous around water.

energetic, compassionate, and talkative

likes crunchy things, and sugar

does best with friends! lots of friends or just one, either way, he’s happy

Garibaldi (swap!Papyrus mer bitty):

will snooze in the sunny side of the tank or watch TV from a comfy spot

calm, patient, and kind

enjoys sweets and gooey things to eat (honey, gummies, smores etc)

can do well alone or in a group, but doesn’t like confrontation

Lion (fellswap!Sans mer bitty)

wants to smash stuff! give him toothpick sailboats and popsicle stick galleons to destory

tends toward mischief, but is a protective bitty once trust is earned

enjoys meat and fish

best on his own or with one other bitty. not a social butterfly.

Wright (fellswap!Papyrus mer bitty)

very large when having lived with a loving owner, so he may need to be moved to a tub or pond after a year or so.

gentle, thoughtful, and calm

prefers shrimp, or other small, easily chewable things.

best on his own or with one other bitty. tends to be shy.

Scorpion (swapfell!Sans mer bitty):

likes action! Needs toys and lots of play.

bright, bouncy, and impulsive

he’ll try anything once, so let him feel out his favorite foods for himself

does best with lots of friends! especially responsible and level headed ones.

Indigo (swapfell!Papyrus mer bitty):

likes to collect shiny things and either decorate his home or his body with them.

fast talker, flirty, and a trickster

likes pizza, if you let him have some. otherwise, shrimp and fish are a good idea

does best alone or with people who won’t fall for his tricks

Fisher (Horror!sans merbitty):

These mers are meat eaters, and they prefer to hunt but in absence of live prey will eat raw meat. Your other bitties are safe since there isn’t any meat in a monster. House them in a tank with others, but make sure they know to give him his space for a while and not to mess with his food. He may also try to take the meat from other carnivorous mers, but won’t waste the energy to fight for it. Feed everyone as usual and if he steals some, gently scold him and give another piece to the bitty he stole from.

He’ll be snarky and sarcastic, tending toward dark humor and morbid puns, but otherwise a fun personality to talk with. He should get along well with Hammers and Garibaldis and other jokester types, though he’ll rub the kinder ones the wrong way with how casually he talks about death and injury. They’ll likely have a tentative, tense friendship or tolerance.

Gulper (horror!Papyrus merbitty):

These gangly, long tailed mer bitties swallow their meals whole and enjoy resting afterward, so having a safe, secluded place in the tank for him is recommended. When not resting, he’ll be very energetic and playful, even, especially if he has a Fisher to bond with. they prefer whole fish, so sardines are a good idea for feeding, but only one or two. He may ask for more, but you’ll know he’s had enough when his tail turns from translucent to opaque. Otherwise, he’ll eat himself sick.

He’ll lean into your attentions, and enjoy time being pet and loved on. He’ll get along with most any bitty, mer or otherwise, but is wary of more aggressive housemates. His body may be long and flexible, but it’s also delicate, so fights aren’t a good idea.

Frills (horrorswap!Papyrus merbitty)

Another carnivore, he likes smaller chunks of raw meat. As a shark-ish mer bitty, he’ll move around a lot, but after a few circles of his tank, chatting with other bitties as he goes, he’ll settle down and nap for a while. Don’t hand feed until he’s adjusted to your home, because his teeth are very very painful if they bite you.

He’ll let you pet and love on him, but be respectful of his wishes. He most likely won’t want you anywhere near the opening in his skull. Just let him place your fingers at first when offering affection, and soon you’ll learn your individual Frills’ favorite places for pets and rubs.

Leafy (horrorswap!Sans merbitty)

One of the only seahorse type bitties, Leafies enjoy hiding in plant material inside the tank. They’re not big eaters, only needing one or two fresh shrimp or bits of fish a day, but they do need some special care thanks to their open ribcage. All Leafies are born with complete skeletons, but as they grow, pieces of their ribs break away naturally until they’re open as a Crinkle bitty would be. It makes them just as nervous, thus they always come with some rib shields in their starter kits.

They’ll be more energetic if in the presence of a Frills, or another swap!papyrus type merbitty. Even alone, they’ll still enjoy play and very gentle petting. Be sure to pay him lots of attention and remind him you love him often.

Tendril (Horrorfell!Papyrus merbitty)

These bitties have long floating tentacles and tend to enjoy a darker tank than most bitties. He’ll need lots of room to spread out.

He’s pretty even tempered, and will eat any sort of fish or shrimp you offer. Does best if he’s either alone, or with a very small number of other bitties.

Scales (horrorfell!Sans merbitty)

Nervous and leaning toward violence to defend himself, these bitties need solitude or the company of calm bitties to feel safe. He eats meat of any kind, though obviously, being aquatic, he prefers fish or crustaceans. (he looks adorable crunching on crab legs)

He tends to stick close to a leader, whether the person in charge of the group of bitties he’s in or his owner, or more likely a Tendril or other Papyrus type.

Vision and Mirage - (dream and nightmare)

these lovely fishies like shellfish, and they will help with fears. Visions specialize in giving positive energy so you can face your fears, while Mirages help you understand where your fear comes from and remind you that bravery is not having no fear, but continuing in spite of it. They’ll happily swim with you in any pool, pond, or lake, but will be happy to come back home to their tank and the little hiding places they call their beds. Place these hiding places close together, though, since they will want to quickly be in contact with their brother on waking for any reason.

Dark Mirages:

will turn from a black and white clownfish tail to a vampire squid body. There will be spines inside his tentacles and they will be incredibly painful if latched onto you. He will also cause an instant panic attack if touched skin to skin or with very thin gloves. He will try to damage your fingers by squeezing them, so keep your fingers together when handling him. It will take time, but Mirages are (marginally) easier to make Safe.

Pastel (ink sans) -

His colorful magic makes him stand out in the tank, and he tends to occasionally cough up ink balls when overexcited. Prefers lots of space and things to engage his mind in his tank. Prefers vegetables but will take anything. His bones are textured like a scrimshaw etching and he likes to color them with different dyes.

Bluebell (error sans)-

merbitties similar to the Man-o-war jellyfish, they have to have antivenom in their starter kits in case of accidents. Their tendrils are beautiful, but painful to encounter, and it takes them quite a while to get used to their new owners. They’re generally quiet, and prefer to eat fish.

Fanmouth (underworld mer Sans)

- will need careful cleaning of his mouth fans once a month

- enjoys shrimp and small fish

- only one fanmouth per tank, or fighting will happen.

- heavy for his size

- will happily lay on your chest for his out-tank time

- won’t speak, but can emote well and learn sign

Stickies (underworld mer Papyrus)

- will stick to the side of a tank

- filter feeder when without a host

- will cuddle, but may attempt to latch onto your arm or chest.

- if he does, let him do his business (it won’t hurt) and then put him back when he detaches himself. treat the abrasion with disinfectant and a bandage, and it should fade in a day or two. may itch a bit.

Conesnail (underworld swap mer Papyrus)

-venomous if mishandled, use caution and gentleness

- feed on small fish or shrimp

- can survive longer out of water thanks to his shell

- does have a pelvis tucked up in his shell

- will sign for things he wants if you don’t understand his gestures

Ring (underworld swap mer Sans)

- tank cleaner

- feeds on the algae and debris in the tank naturally but needs supplemental bits of fish about twice a week

- will use his broken ribs as spears to prevent someone from harming him; these spears are coated in neurotoxin.

- if treated gently, is completely safe and actually enjoys cuddles from his owners

-gets their type name from the little sticky magic ring on their bellies that lets them stay in place

Frogfish (undertomb sans)

· Had tiny little fin-feet that he walks around on the tank floor with

· Big bulky body

· Larger than average for a mer, and heavier, too.

· Uses suction to get his food in his mouth

Ribbon (undertomb papyrus)

· Long squiggly body, delicate

· Curious and energetic

· Likes a well decorated tank with many plants and caves he can hide in

· Will try to sing to you, use earphones as needed

#mer bitties #bitty info #bittybones

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mymoonisalways-in-scorpio · 4 years

Text

🍄 Dig A Little Deeper 🍄

,I was tagged by my sweet little sister

@flowrxchild , thank you so much darling 🌻🔅🌺💞❣🦋🌸💐

🌙➖ Do you prefer writing with black or blue pen?

All my student days I have written with a black pen, I rarely write with a blue pen.

🌙➖ Would you prefer to live in the country or the city?

It is strange what I am going to say, sometimes I would like to live in the country surrounded by animals, taking care of them, feeding them in a few words, having a small farm. But there are other times that make me want to live in the city, surrounded by people. surrounded by noise. Depending on my mood, sometimes when I get upset I would like to go and live in the country, but when I'm in a good mood I want to stay in the city.

🌙➖ If you could learn a new skill, what would it be?

I would like to learn how to read Braille texts, I would also like to learn a new instrument like the tuba or the horn.

🌙➖ Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar?

I don't usually take coffee with sugar, but I've always taken tea with sugar, but I usually take both without sugar (now I'm doing it because I have diabetes

🌙➖ What was your favorite book as a child?

John John the dragon of the lake titi caca (Peruvian children's story), the name of the book sounds strange, but when I was in Argentina, in my primary school I was asked to buy that book, read it and make a summary of that story, which ended up falling in love

🌙➖ Do you prefer baths or showers?

I usually take a shower since we don't have a bathtub at home, but every time I go to my uncle's house and stay a few days in it, I love to take a good bath in the tub they have in the guest bathroom.

🌙➖ If you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be?

I have always wanted to be a unicorn, since I was a child I was in love with this horse with a horn on his forehead. I'd like to be a Pegasus instead, those winged horses are beautiful.

🌙➖ Paper or electronic books?

Paper 100%

🌙➖ What is your favorite item of clothing?

A very 80's style Jean jacket, with patches from my favorite bands, was a gift from my ex-best friend, I'm in love with that jacket.

🌙➖ Do you like your name?

I really like my middle name, but I hate my first name. The reason I love my middle name more than my first name is because my name is Michelle, just like the Guns N Roses song called my Michelle.

🌙➖ Who is a mentor to you?

I have a priest as my mentor, who was my religion teacher when I was still in school. We became very good friends and even though I am not Catholic, every time I have a problem or doubt about something I always turn to him, it helps me a lot to talk to him.

🌙➖ Would you like to be famous?

Maybe

🌙➖ Are you a restless sleeper?

Not really, I'll be honest with you as soon as I touch my bed I fall asleep.

🌙➖Do you consider yourself to be a romantic person?

I have never considered myself a romantic person, even if others think I am.

🌙➖ Which element best represents you?

Fire

🌙➖ Who do you want to be closer with?

My tumblr friends, at first I was afraid of this social network now I love it because I have found very nice people, with whom I never want to lose contact. Also with my neighbor, who is like a sister of another mother to me.

🌙➖ Do you miss someone at the moment?

I miss several people, including several friends from my school and university.

🌙➖ Tell us about an early childhood memory:

I will tell you about my first violin concert and why it was the most embarrassing of all. BTW, it all started when I had to get on stage, everything was ready and in the middle of the concert a string broke, of course I cried because of the pain, so my mom had to sneak on stage and get me off, to wipe my tears and calm down a bit.

🌙➖ What is the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?

Frogs' legs, I remember that on a trip to the Peruvian jungle (Madre de Dios exactly), the locals gave us frogs' legs to eat, which I found disgusting, but when I tried them they tasted like chicken.

🌙➖ What are you most thankful for?

I am grateful for my family, for my few friends, they have already put up with how clumsy I am, how impulsive I am, how foolish I can be.

🌙➖ Have you ever met anyone famous?:

I had the opportunity to meet Greta Van Fleet last year, in Chile. I had traveled there to do social work and I didn't even know that the band would perform in those places, until a friend told me: ''Listen, the band that you like so much is going to perform in Chile''. I remember I didn't have much money back then and the tickets were expensive, but it was worth spending or collecting some money to go see them, I felt like I was in heaven when Josh Kiszka smiled at me and winked at me, it was the nicest thing ever

🌙➖ Do you keep a journal or diary?

Yes, but to write fan fiction that I will never publish.

🌙➖ Do you prefer to use pen or pencil?

Both

🌙➖ What’s your star sign?

Scorpion child

🌙➖ Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy?

Both

🌙➖ What would you want your legacy to be?

I want to be remembered as a girl, with big dreams, who always was and is for people who need her.

🌙➖Do you like reading? What was the last book you read?

I like to read, I'll read any kind of book, but my favorites are scary. Now I'm reading one called "Del amor y otros demonios " by Colombian writer Gabriel Garicia Marquez

🌙➖How do you show someone you love them?

I'm a very detailed person about that, I always like to give them something that they like, adding a little personal touch.

🌙➖ Do you like ice in your drinks?

Yes

🌙➖ What are you afraid of?

I'm scared of heights

🌙➖What is your favourite scent?

I have always liked the smell of lavender, just as I have always liked the smell of eucalyptus.

🌙➖ Do you address older people by their name or their surname?

It depends on who you're dealing with.

🌙➖ If money was not a factor, how would your life be?

Definitely in these times of pandemic, I would not be stressed out about buying food.

🌙➖Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean?

I'll be honest with you, I don't know how to swim, but I still like lakes better than swimming pools.

🌙➖What would you do if you found 50$ on the ground?

First I ask if it belongs to someone and if it doesn't, I keep it.

🌙➖ Have you ever seen a shooting star?

Never

🌙➖ What is one thing you want to teach your children?

Let them first be empathetic to the people who live around them, who know what the meaning of true love is. May they know how to share what they have with others, may they be good people.

🌙➖ If you had to get a tattoo right now, what and where would it be?

I have more than three tattoos (all smaller), but if I had to get one now it would be a rose dedicated to Greta.

🌙➖ What can you hear now?

The spotify is in shuffle mode, so you can hear the music playing through the computer speakers.

🌙➖ Where do you feel the safest?

My home

🌙➖ What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer?

My attention deficit, although according to these last days has been improving from a few

🌙➖ If you could travel back in time to any era what would it be?:

60's . 70's and 80's

🌙➖ What is your most used emoji?

🍄🦋💕

🌙➖ Describe yourself using one word: easy-going

Dreamer

🌙➖ What do you regret the most?:

Leaving many opportunities, because of my asperger's syndrome

🌙➖ Last movie I saw?

Rock of Ages

🌙➖Last TV show you watched?

Criminal Minds

🌙➖Invent a word and it’s meaning?

So far I haven't invented one and I don't have the imagination to invent one.

i taggin :

@kakarla

@moonchildwildheart

@juvinadelgreko

🦋💐❣💞🌺🌻🔅

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smol-dap · 5 years

Note

Could you do some hc’s where beej is being a mischevious little doofus and hatches a plan to scare you a bunch (but in a way where you wouldn’t realise it’s him) so that you’ll snuggle him for comfort a bunch >:3

Okay lets do this now that im npt ipwet thay thay whole thong was deleted.

-So basically,, it would be odd if you didnt know about this demons story n all.

-Literally the ghost with most and a bioexcorcist. Cmon! Is that not something you should freak out over or what?

-Thing is. He hasn't scared you yet. Hes done pranks like spiders in the cereal or maggots in milk but nothing truly as frightening as you know he could pull off.

-At some point you'd just given up on his scare tactics yknow? Like, he wasnt gonna try so why even care?

-Y'see here buddy. This was all part of his plan. He'd been watching you for quite some time yknow. Trying to pick apart what scares you or just grosses you out.

-He figured like old folk lore really frightened you from time to time because yoy really cant determine whether or not mermaids are real or if nessie truly exists.

-But fret not my sweet noodle. For he is here to make your wildest fears come true.

-And so, there came a week where Beej completely dropped off the face of the earth (haha)

-In doing so this caused some... problems.

-You literally stressed out assuming that maybe he'd went to hang out with Lyds or maybe he died for a 3rd time and actually went to the netherworld

-It was unbelievably frightening to think about. Especially on the 4th day where you ended up curled on the couch holding a pillow of some sort that Beej would sleep on when he was feelin lazy.

-However, the last day. The 7th one of the week to be exact. Your stress level was high and your hopes were low of him ever coming back to see you. Your anxiety of never getting to talk to him or hear his gruff voice made you scared.

-You clasped your arms around the blanket and the pillow and hopped upon the couch. It was raining. Thundering quite hard actually. It hadn't rained like this since the last spring.

-The power would dlicker ever so often but thats to be expected of an old rickety house.

-However, what is not to be expected is knocks at your door. This woukd be normal if it wasn't the dead of night. Normally a dog or cat would get lost and claw on your door for food or something but not this late at night.

-A little shiver went down your spine as you saw a silhouette of a man walk passed the door and lean against window. He was seemingly peering in.

-The lights shut off and turned back on (like every scary movie trope) and the man was gone. By now you were shaking a little. Enough to not go unnoticable for sure.

-There was a loud thud upstairs. You stood too fast and almost fell over (iron deficiency gang😏✊✊✊) in an instant.

-Your frail hands let go of the blanket and you silently crept to the edge of the stair case.

-You hesitantly began to step up the stair case. But as soon as your foot hit that lower step. It seemed like you were falling face first into a kaleidoscope.

-To be honest it hurt your eyes too much but you kept them open in fear. Not even noticing the scream escaping your lips was more frightening than this.

-You hit the bottom of the trampoline and out of the corner of your eyes you saw scorpions and snakes forming a little circle around you.

-The fact that there was circus music set you off the most. The most unpleasant feeling youve felt all week now is the uncomfortable sensation of spikey little legs crawling up and down your torso and through your hair.

-You coughed and thwackwd, thrashed, and screamed. God this was disgusting! It made you think of beetle juice though and for a moment there you stopped.

-The music stopped. The animals stopped. But the trampoline propelled you up into your house. You slammed into a coated wall of balloons and hit your couch. Roughly enough to make you pass out.

-When you awoke you couldnt help yourself but sob a little. For some odd reason you remember a hand grabbing your ankle and twisting it until it broke.

-Thabk god it wasnt real. But what was real was a familiar scruffy big bear floating over your with his hands on your face.

-Y'see his whole doo-dad was to get you so scared that you would never let go of him. That thought only made his hair brighten 10x the neon expectancy. So accidenrally slamming you was NOT in the book.

-"Babes? Babes are you okay? You look like you just had the worsr nightmare ever?" He kinda chuckled but hid hair remained a faint yellowish green. If he could pull off the fact that you might just think it was a dream he'd have a perfect win.

-and so he does.

-Your hands wrap around that crunchy little man and you wrap your legs around him. You pull him in for the tightest hug and just start bawling uncontrollably.

-To be honest, you werent scared of whayever just happened and wether it was a dream or reality. You were just scared of never being able to talk to him again. And expressing that to him was horrifying.

-You watched as his expression soften and he wiped little tears off your face and smiled your fear away. You held him so tight that you felt as if he could pop at any second.

-For Beej, this was a double win. Feeling needed and getting the affection hes been hoping for for a week. If God/Satan could see him or even hear him now, he'd thank them for letting him be so smooth with what hes done to keep you as his friend.

---

goD IM SORRY THIS TOOK 4 DAYS i just had to come back from not being upset over thay stupid ass tumblr glitch. But thamk yoy ily please ask more

#beej is precious man #beetlejuice the musical #beetlejuice #beetlegeuse #this has been a post #beej hcs #beej x reader #beej #asks #asks open #ask #ask blog #ask me anything #ask me questions

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devilgoat · 6 years

Text

The Scorpion

Soo this is my first time actually writing and publishing a fic on here so I hope you all like it and that I did well! I was inspired by some of @xmichaelmyers‘s headcanons so you should check them out as well! I sorta got carried away with this so its a bit long (about 4.7k or so) but OH WELL. Anyways, hope you all like it!

Michael Myers x Reader, NSFW

There was a chill in the air. The wind rustled the crunchy, dead leaves that had fallen onto the wet sidewalks. Autumn had settled over the small town of Haddonfield. The cold, overcast air had caused the entire neighborhood to fall into silence. Like buried under a thick pile of snow, the world had calmed and quieted itself. No sound could penetrate it. Except for one. His breathing.

It was rhythmic and strong. The deep intake of breaths that slowly let themselves out, currently muffled behind thin, white plastic.

It was somewhere behind you now but you were not sure exactly where. You just knew that it was there, ever-present.

You were on your walk home from visiting a friend’s house. You had stayed longer than you planned to, but your laughter and jokes kept you hooked in his home and time ran laps around you. As soon as you realized how long you had stayed, you excused yourself politely and left. Your pace had quickened as you left his porch and started the short trip back to your home.

The breathing had now turned into panting.

The shift in breathing caused your heart to jump and chills to run through your entire body. You didn’t dare to turn around, but you knew that the breathing was getting closer. You walked a little faster as you turned onto your street. You could see the house in the distance, partially obscured by trees and dying leaves.

There was another slight change in breathing and your upper body tensed up. You had started to breath heavily as well from adrenaline and the amount of control you held towards your legs to make sure you didn’t start sprinting.

Now at the doorstep, you fumbled with your keys as you heard the breathing growing closer, with barely discernible footsteps behind it. Your keys jingled in your hand as you found the correct one and inserted into the front door’s slot. You pushed the door open and stepped past the threshold. The instant sense of security that involved being around familiar surroundings entered your body and your turned your entire body to face the street behind you.

The world fell into silence once more.

The breathing had stopped. As did the footsteps. The hush had fallen once more on your empty street. Whoever, or whatever, was behind you, was nowhere to be seen. You looked up and down the street, but nothing revealed itself to you. You let out the breath you had been holding, and the tension in your shoulders began to relax. You shook your head and closed the door behind you.

With your keys now resting on their appropriate hook, you headed through the living room and into the kitchen.

The back door was open.

Your heart skipped another beat and you hurried to close the door. As it clicked into place, you heard it again.

The goddamn breathing.

You backed up slowly, forcing yourself to take slow breaths. Both your steps and your breathing stopped once you backed into something large. It was warm, but you could’ve sworn nothing was there a minute ago. You carefully turned your head until you were facing the obstacle you had backed into. It was the chest of a person wearing old, slightly tattered dark blue coveralls. The chest was slowly rising and falling to the rhythm of the breathing that was growing louder in your ears. You looked up. Up the strong, sturdy chest. Up towards the small sliver of exposed skin of a neck. Up to a lifeless face. And although it was a face, it was not his own. His face. Him.

Michael.

Underneath the white plastic mask was a man. But inside of that man was nothing at all. Or so people thought. He was a nothingness that killed. An all-consuming void. Senseless and without reason. A void that had killed many and would most likely kill again. The Boogeyman himself. The thing of nightmares that every child of Haddonfield feared and the name they would use to torment one another.

And The Boogeyman was here, in your kitchen. In your tiny little kitchen that you cook breakfast every morning and listen to music when you wash the dishes. He was here, in your sanctum.

But you both knew that he belonged here.

He had been visiting you for quite some time now. You were no longer a child, and thus your belief in the boogeyman had faded away into childish tales and legends. That is, up until a few months ago. You had figured that he followed you home - just like he had on this evening - like some sad, lost puppy. He had been quiet, and you had no idea you had been followed. You went about your regular schedule, cooking, eating, getting ready for bed, and finally drifting off into sleep. And he was watching you the entire time.

You wished you could ask him what he was thinking that one night, but you knew he would never say. You imagined him outside of your house, peering into your window. He would have been cloaked in darkness, or maybe even have become one with it. He watched you in your most vulnerable state. You figured he would’ve been bored, watching you for hours upon hours, but you knew it fascinated him. Michael got to see the most intimate, private part of you. He saw you dance and sing as you washed your dishes. He listened to you laugh at your favorite tv show despite watching it in its entirety several times. He watched you undress.

Michael watched as you tossed and turned in your bed and he waited for you to fall asleep. Once your restlessness had stopped, he made his way around your home to your back door. It didn’t stand a chance against him. He was in your home in seconds. He took his time wandering through your home. He wanted to take in your scent, your essence. There was a strong fascination in the little details of your home that truly made it yours. He traced his fingers over the array of magnets on your fridge. Traveling through your kitchen, he made his way into the living room. You had left your sweater draped over the side of the couch after it had grown too warm for comfort. Michael took it and held it in his hands. He spent his time feeling the fabric underneath his fingertips before he brought it up to the front of his mask and pressed it against the plastic.

After a moment, he placed it back onto the couch and began to make his way toward your room. Leaving the living room, turning left and down the hallway to your sanctum, he stopped at your door. It was slightly ajar, and he was gentle with how he opened it. Despite a few creaks, you didn’t wake up, not until he had positioned himself beside your bed. He watched for who knows how long before you woke up for a moment, just to turn yourself around; when you felt a presence in the room. Your body froze in place, only your eyes darting from side to side as they struggled to get accustomed to the darkness.

The first thing to appear in your vision was the white of his mask. It was facing you, almost floating in the dark above his muted coveralls. Your brain tried to rationalize it all. Sleep paralysis? No, no, that’s not it. A dream? Yeah, that’s it! Just a nightmare from all those stories growing up about The Boogeyman. Michael Myers was a myth! Nothing more. You closed your eyes hard, willing yourself to wake up from this nightmare. But of course you couldn’t. And once you realized this, you allowed the fear to set in.

Michael was here in your home, in your room. It was like something clicked in your head, and you were moving. You scurried up over the other side of your bed and plastered yourself to the wall. Your throat was frozen, refusing to let out a scream even when Michael began to take steps toward you.

Your eyes grew wild with fear, and you began looking for a way out. There were two, in that moment: the door leading to the hallway, and the window. Michael was between you and both of them. He continued his slow pace towards you until he was mere feet away. He loomed over you, and all you could hear besides the pounding in your ears was the sound of his muffled breathing.

Michael was now right in front of you. His head tilted slightly as he watched your entire body shake from terror. His panting grew louder and you knew he was getting some sort of pleasure from this. He reached his hand up, and you were somehow sure there was a knife in it. You flinched and turned away, waiting for the hot burning sensation of the knife bursting through your flesh and into the deep parts of your body.

But it never came. Instead, it was the feeling of large, hesitant fingers stroking the side of your face. You gasped and turned back to Michael. His head was tilting from one side to another in fascination. You heard a small whimper escape from behind his mask so soft that even you could barely hear it. At that moment you knew that if he wanted you dead, you never would have woken up from your sleep that night.

For some reason, Michael was here. For some reason, he chose you. And for some reason, he chose not to kill you. Trained psychiatrists had tried to understand why Michael did the things he did to no avail. So how could a nobody like you even try to understand why he chose you? He would never tell you why or what made you so special. You were sure that you were completely unable to comprehend what was going on in Michael’s mind. Or if there was anything going on in there in the first place. That night, he showed you that he wouldn’t harm you. He pressed himself against you, brought his face close to yours, close enough to see his eyes behind the mask, and he bowed his head. You figured he was afraid of what you saw in those eyes. Michael Myers, afraid? But there was something in his eyes. A strange longing.A pain maybe. The way the dim light bounced off his glaring eyes softened him somewhat.

His breathing had quieted, and after a few moments pressing you against the wall, he stepped back. You didn’t think of running this time. All you could think of was the pain in those hidden eyes. And before you knew it, Michael turned and left the room. You heard the dull slam of the door as he left your room, but you knew he would stay near.

At the moment you were just grateful that you weren’t murdered. But as time went on, Michael began showing up more and more. After you were comfortable enough, you scolded him for always coming into your home without your knowledge and watching you sleep. You demanded that he let you know when he was there or else you would have to tie a bell on him. Michael didn’t say anything, but the next day he knocked on the back door and waited to be invited in. It was obvious that he enjoyed watching you, and while it took some time to grow used to knowing he was always there, you took some strange comfort in it. You were no longer scared of intruders, not after the scariest intruder of them all was usually right outside.

There were times when you had fallen asleep on the couch and woke up in bed, the covers placed over you. There were times you felt nervous being alone at home, but all you had to do was walk out the back door, call for Michael, and wait for him inside.

It always felt strange to see him in your home. At least during the first few minutes. There was an awkwardness to him. His usual fluidity was gone, and what stood in its place was a figure that didn’t know what to do with his hands as he stood in your kitchen. This continued for a while, and you were fine with it. You had a protector now. Someone you knew was willing to do anything for you. And “anything” included a lot for Michael. There were periods of time in which he’d disappear. They always ended with the reported disappearance or murder from someone in town or even a town over. The next night, Michael would visit again. You knew you couldn’t stop him from doing these things, and you were scared to try in the first place. Like the scorpion, it was in his nature to harm.

You were probably the only living being that had spent this much time with Michael since he was institutionalized , but you were no closer than the handful of doctors that tried to understand him. But you accepted it.

As cruel as it was to live with the knowledge of a roaming killer, you had grown accustomed to his presence. It was selfish, you knew that, but you wanted - maybe needed - this protector in your life. You needed Michael, and that grew more apparent as time went on. So you accepted his occasional leaves of absence, knowing that he would come back eventually. Sometimes he would arrive bloodstained and panting, fresh from the kill. You took him into your room and tried to undress him to tend to his wounds, and that was the only time that he didn’t allow your way. He grabbed your wrist and pulled it free from his coverall’s zipper. He grunted harshly, and refused to be seen. With time, his grip softened and he let go of you. He bowed his head: his own way of apologizing, before he pulled himself further onto the bed and laid back.

It was like he was dormant. He didn’t move, he barely breathed, but within a few hours he was sitting up again and moving. You figured he needed to rest in order to heal himself, and that removing his clothing would reveal an undamaged body.

Despite your months knowing each other, you had never seen his body, let alone his face. It was always underneath his mask. That was the one thing you never tried to take from him. You both had an understanding. He was permitted to watch you, and in exchange, he protected you. He made sure that you made it to your every destination safe and sound. You had no idea how he did so, especially in the day, but you could always feel his presence. And you could always hear his breathing.

Michael’s months of tailing and watching slowly brought out a part of him that you did not expect. He had a jealous streak in him. He watched as you talked to others, spent time with them, and had fun that he could not partake in. And while he never interrupted you, he felt the jealousy shake him to his core. He wanted to make sure you were safe, and he had no idea who these people were. He didn’t know their intentions. He didn’t know if you were truly safe. So he would stand and watch, prepared for them to take one wrong move, make one bad touch, and he would be there, choking the life out of them in front of you.

Thankfully, it hadn’t come to that yet.

You knew he would get jealous too, and for the most part you secretly enjoyed it. His jealousy meant more careful attention and a string of days in which he refused to leave your side. However, as time went on, his jealousy was coming to a head.

There were times he would get too close to windows as he watched you at a friend’s house, almost revealing himself to them in order to frighten them away from you. Michael had to be convinced not to kill those that would take you away from him. He would even be tempted to kill the annoying coworkers you occasionally complained about, and although you joked with him that he should make them disappear, you always made it clear to him that it was all fine and no action was necessary.

But he was a creature of jealousy, and you knew that despite telling him that you were only visiting your friend for a short time, he had gotten worried and watched you from afar. And now here in your kitchen, he was panting heavily in anticipation. His whole body seemed to vibrate as his head tilted to one side. You already knew what was coming. In the brief periods of time that Michael did not have you in his sights, he had the fear that you were harmed.

It was still so strange to think that Michael would be afraid of anything, but you knew that he was. Why else would he have these inspections?

These had only started occurring recently, and while slightly annoyed by their occasional bad timing, you enjoyed it all nevertheless. Michael’s hands slowly rose up from his sides and wrapped themselves around your body. With no effort at all, he scooped you up into his arms and carried you into your room. He let you down close to your bed, but you didn’t go to lie on it just yet. Michael could not take his eyes off of you. He took in a large breath, his tense shoulders slowly rising before lowering themselves once more.

A coy smile spread across your lips. While he would never tell you what he was thinking, it was obvious by how his body betrayed him. He took a step closer to you and hooked his thick fingers under the bottom of your shirt before pulling upwards. With your torso bare, Michael began his inspection. He needed to make that you were truly safe at your friends house. And thus he checked for any mark, bruise, or laceration that he did not recognize. He traces his fingers around your body, moving from your neck down to your shoulders, your chest, your stomach, until he dropped down to his knees in front of you.

You shivered at the sight of the figure so large yet vulnerable in front of you, but you didn’t doubt that he still held his domination. His breathing was growing more labored by the moment, and at this angle you couldn’t help but notice the growing shape in the front of his coveralls. You took your quiet pleasure with this, and while you had still never seen Michael naked, your imagination ran wild.

Pleased with the state of the upper half of your body, Michael sought to continue his inspection on the lower half by stripping you of your pants. His fingers fluidly unbuttoned and unzipped the front of them. He tugged them down and left them around your ankles, taking your underwear along with them. Still on his knees in front of you, Michael gently snuck his hands between your thighs and parted your legs a few inches apart.

Michael had done this many times before, and each time you had consented. It was a part of a ritual now, the two of you like this. He was a creature of habit, and observing was what he did best. He looked over every inch of your body with such concentration that you didn’t dare to say a word.

He leaned closer to you and your heat, the evidence of your arousal obviously showing to him. Michael tilted his head slightly as he watched your body shift with his gaze. He stayed and observed for a time before he suddenly brought up his fingers and rubbed them against your crotch, touching every area that he could. His surprisingly cool touch sent shivers through your entire body, and you bit your lip in order to keep your moans stifled. Despite your usually control, your legs trembled underneath you, and Michael had to use his spare hand to keep your legs separated once more.

Not sensing or feeling any unusual fluids or markings, he was somewhat satisfied. But for some reason, his fingers remained where they were. His unyielding gaze had returned, and you could hear his labored breathing begin to hitch in his chest. His fingers continued their exploration, and found their way towards your most sensitive areas. Michael’s fingers grazed just the right spot and despite your restraint, you let out a sharp gasp. Michael jerked his head up and looked at you, stopping all movement of his hands.

You realized he felt like he had done something wrong, so you shook your head and told him it was alright, and that he could continue. Michael’s gaze lingered on your face for only a moment longer before his renewed concentration focused on your arousal. His fingers were probing, rubbing, searching for another magic spot that made you let out your sounds.

You didn’t try to hold back on your moans anymore. You used them as forms of encouragement, hoping that they would clue Michael in on what felt especially good. His meticulous work of exploration came to a head as your sex began to leak. You could have sworn that Michael let out a low growl as his fingers slid across the increasingly wet skin.

Out of nowhere, Michael removes his fingers from your body and stood up to his full, towering height. Now there was no denying it, for the erection under his clothing had grown to its full size, only barely being held back by a thin layer of fabric.

Michael grabbed you by the shoulders and slowly led you backwards onto your bed. Almost tripping over yourself with your pants around your ankles, you managed to land safely on your back on top of your bed, your legs dangling over the side. Michael stood over you, the darkness of his mask hiding any view of his eyes - his lust. When he was sure that you were paying attention to him, your chest rising and falling rapidly from your arousal, he brought up his hand and wagged his index finger.

No peaking. No moving.

This was new. This was different. Michael usually would have finished his inspection there, but it seemed he needed something more. And you were more than happy to give it to him.

Michael went back onto his knees and pulled your pants and underwear past your ankles and tossed them onto the floor. You stared up at the ceiling, knowing precisely what his motions meant.

He delicately pried your legs apart, and you heard the once muffled breathing become exposed to the fresh air. He had partially lifted up his mask. It was just enough to let his mouth and nose come free of the thin, white plastic. You knew that the rest would remain hidden. You didn’t dare look down and break Michael’s trust. So instead you focused on the sound of his breathing. It went ragged when he first pulled the mask upwards, but had now slipped into a rhythmic pattern once more.

A wave of pleasure flowed through your body as his wet tongue sent shockwaves up your groin. Your hands gripped desperately at the sheets underneath you as your moans exploded from your mouth. His tongue twirled and danced on you, sometimes barely touching your skin and other times spreading itself flat and licking upwards. You had to resist the temptation to put your hands on his head, for you were scared of accidentally touching Michael’s face.

Teasing the most sensitive part of you with his fingers, he used his mouth and tongue to draw circles over your entrance. Shaking from the dual stimulation, your moans grew deeper, and longer. Drawn-out cries of desperation were filling the room, and the more that you focused on the fact that prolific serial killer Michael Myers was on his knees pleasuring you, the more intense your pleasure became.

This was the most active his mouth had ever been. His lips were sucking, wrapping themselves around you. They were surprisingly soft and wet, and Michael did not shy away from using them to his advantage. His greedy lips tried to take in as much of you as possible. His tongue was a whole other story. Michael’s tongue was warm and thick. It teased your entrance with quick flicks that turned into long explorations of everything he could touch. His tongue even pressed itself against your entrance, and tried to push itself in as far as it could go.

Your hands were frantically clawing at the sheets now as you felt yourself getting closer and closer to climax. For once, you were the one panting, your tongue practically hanging out of your mouth and moans catapulting out from your throat. Michael’s eager licks grew faster and harder against you as he began to lose control of himself. Another harsh grunt vibrated against you as Michael grabbed you by your hip and pulled you against his face. His hand continued to work you, his thick fingers switching from rubbing to stroking to teasing within seconds.

You could feel yourself coming closer, and before you could, you screamed out Michael’s name. His movements became more frantic. He knew what he was doing. He wanted - needed - to make you cum. He needed to make you his, once and for all. He needed to take you. He needed to soothe the feelings inside of him that drove him to this. Hearing his name screamed aloud in a situation where he was not plunging in his knife but rather his tongue twisted him up inside. Michael did not want to kill you, but instead wanted to give you at least a little death. La petite mort. That would satisfy him.

His hand worked you without any mercy or pleasantries. His sole goal was to make you cum and he was going to make sure that it was all him that did it to you. His tongue and lips continued pressing themselves in and around your entrance to the point that it felt like your entire lower body was vibrating. The hand not working you dug its fingers into your hip, and the short nails cut into your skin and bruised your flesh. His name flowed from your lips like a melody, and you could not stop yourself from saying it over and over again as you came.

Your entire body shuddered and convulsed as you came against Michael’s face, his mouth and hands not daring to stop until it was all out of you. Every extra touch and kiss sent tremors throughout your body until he finally pulled away.

Still staring at the ceiling, you heard the sound of him pulling his mask back over his face, his labored breathing muffled once more.

Michael rose from his knees and stood over your weak, shaking body and cocked his head to one side, observing his handiwork and what he had done to you. After watching for a few moments, he leaned over you and grabbed you by the shoulders, pulling you up to sit in bed. You were finally able to see him and his “face” again. You let out a tired smile and let yourself fall forward against his torso. You could feel the hesitation in his body as you brought himself to wrap an arm around you, keeping you close.

You listened to the slow, strong breaths that he took. You brought your hands up to hold him by his waist, trying your best to keep him in place. Your hands searched his hips, his thighs, and finally to what you were looking for.

His erection was as strong as ever under his clothing, and you wanted to return the favor.

((Find the next part under “the scorpion” tag below because tumblr doesn’t like links anymore. Like my work? Then maybe consider buying me a ko-fi! The link is in my bio!))

#michael myers #michael myers x reader #the scorpion #devilgoat writing #slashers #halloween 1978 #halloween 2018 #I'm SUUUper nervous posting this but oh well #trans! michael

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davewinklemens · 6 years

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The Bugs Lives By Levi Pipitone (Revision).

A short story I wrote some time ago that is simply silly. But nonetheless, I spent a long time on it. Criticism is welcome (as with all my projects). Can't improve if no one hurts my feeling's. I'd like to thank @greeneyesandconstellations for her creative contributions to this unnecessarily long and meaningless short story.

In the 44 years of my existence, I never really fancied bugs. Insects, Isopods, Arachnids, just to name a few of them. These creepy, crunchy crawlers are born from biological happenstance, and from the time they are born have no awareness of anything beyond instinct. Some insects, like ants, are not much different than us. They are born into the world to begin working for a leader, and die without being anything more than a part of an endless cycle. In other words, they are expendable and can just be replaced by other ants just like it.

I have a nice two bedroom estate outside of Houston, Texas. Tragedy struck my residency when my landlord "kicked the bucket" while painting his windows. Crazy bastard used tangerine paint instead of orange on a stainglass window of Jesus Christ. He got what was coming to him. I had a guard job at a launch station for NASA. I protected the Vulcan-5 rocket, which was set to be the first man made object to make contact with the sun. My job is special and not one I seldom take on. I'm apart of an organization called Astronauts Against Bugs, or AAD for short. Our goal is pretty self-explanatory. We ensure that no Insects, Arachnids, or Isopods or any Crustaceans (not just insects and such) interfere with astronomical research. My job in particular is to stand guard at the launch site, and keep crawlers from below climing aboard a rocket from blasting off. Spiders are the biggest threat. If any tip tapping Tarantula gets by my post, with zero exaggeration; it would be catastrophic to all life in the universe.

To ensure with absolute certainty no creatures of any unwelcome status get into the rocket, I set up a few obstacles in their wake. Most often the insect offensives were the least of my worries. Insects are incompetent, and small enough to be crushed by boulders Indiana Jones style. Arachnids are sly and can slip by unnoticed. But luckily there is an effective method of postponing their operation. I hired 26 garden gnomes from Saudi Arabia to pull webs, and slap tails off of Redelli Scorpions with knives and crowbars. They stand no chance against 26, 2'1 standing beings of pure magic. The Isopods are more like mother ships. They come in and drop support units to rush the entrance, but to no avail. The Isopods are violently pulverized by guards at the front gate entrance with real meaty hammers. Our station is impregnable. But in every idea there is a weakness. It is only a matter of time before ours is compromised.

One chilling night however; while I was cleaning the monitor in my booth, I noticed an eyesore of a smudge on my screen. It was slithering slightly, and resembled Ajit Pai in the nicest of ways. "Oh Great Gatsby!" I shouted in awe at the realization of what was before me. "2256, we got an amoeba on site, I repeat 2256!" I exclaimed over the intercom. Suddenly, a rotating red light flickered on, and two more followed suit. Soon the entire space facility lit up with red lights. Sirens began to blare as personnel fled out of the building. I jumped out of my booth window and whipped out a bottle of hairspray and a lighter. I pushed down the buttons with the magnitude 5 times more powerful than John Travolta's chin. Chemistry happened before my very eyes; as flames covered the wooden guard post and ate it up completely. I flipped back to the main building when a harrowing sight caught my attention. On the bridge that connected the rocket with the earth, my 26 Saudi Arabian Gnomes laid lifeless on the metal bridge. Blood covered every inch of the walk-way. Red, runny blood. Tears filled my eyes as the realization of what had just transpired hit me full force. "We... We're compromised" I muttered on the verge of an all out cry from passion and defeat. I turned to the rest of the staff, but none of them stayed around. Flames engulfed the entire launch site. A yellow haze covered every inch of the area and smoke permeated around the environment. I felt many sensations in this moment. Many thoughts flooded my mind. With the heat from the fire, and the tapping march of the Isopods into the black entrance of the Vulcan-5, I remembered one thing. I had the power. I swore to protect this rocket with my life. I even bought tickets to see A Bugs Life to further study their tactics. I learned at my time in the theater that ants actively help grass hoppers. I knew what I had to do. It was all up to me. The rocket was in my hands now, and mine alone.

So quick as a flash, I threw a make shift grasshopper costume together with some coffee straws and elastic spandex, and charged into to the entrance of the Vulcan-5. In my crotch rested a 200 kiloton explosive I kept in my lunch box for emergencies (tax purposes). A multitude of creatures corralled into the rockets entryway. Isopods marched in like soldiers. Spiders began to seal the entrance shut through the usage of intricate webs. I stood at the front of the door only a measly 3 feet away. "This is what I trained for" I told myself. I stared with determination at the web filled doorway, ready to charge. Looking up at the ember filled backdrop, I cluched a shoe I found off of my deceased landlord. I formed one last smile and spoke the gentle words, "Watashi no kutsu no nakaniha, jibun no kangae o kōdō ni tsukau tame no dōgu ga arimasu". With the scream of a thousand Mongolian Warlords, I charged into the black with nothing but a shoe, a bomb, and my integrity as a man. I sprinted inside; knocking over little Isopods in my wake. With the drop of the shoe, a bright light covered everything in existence. I felt nothing. I heard nothing. I even smelled nothing. Not the sting from the heat, or the smell of fresh charred exoskeleton. I was forever to stay in the same place I started. A place where there is quite literally, nothing.

#short story #creative #education #silly #silly stuff #silly things #nonsense #writing

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zrpants · 6 years

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@villalunae sent a prompt along the lines of: “bugs in your shoes! they’re not supposed to be there.” but i deleted it by accident! so here i reply as a text post.

Compassion. That’s one of the first things they taught you in the Old school, right after shoe-tying algorithms and the Jester’s alphabet. Nowadays, everyone just sends their kids to daycare centers to learn New skills. Which isn’t all bad, really, but I do wish the next generation had a stronger background in knot theory.

But Compassion used to be a bigger deal. I mean, sure, the New thing is Politeness, we still foot each other’s bills and take in the occasional wandering (read: very lost) traveler (read: new resident), but those are all just formalities. Compassion used to be sewn into the fabric of our culture, you know? I just don’t see that anymore.

It really shows in the shift in attitude toward the Crawlers. Or “bugs,” in the New alphabet. I remember when everyone got tiny take-home boxes at restaurants so they could treat the Crawlers that lived in their walls, but any young worm now has likely only ever tasted the same dirt they sleep in.

I mean, don’t cry over it or anything, it’s not like it’s a crisis. They’re worms. They were built for the dirt, they’re perfectly happy. It’s just, oh, I don’t know, they used to get so excited when I stuffed garlic bread under the floorboards -- I could hear them wriggling into the crust! Isn’t that worth anything anymore? Gah, maybe I’m just old-fashioned. But it’s that delight that comes to mind whenever I see some lonesome squirming thing on the asphalt, and I can never just walk by without my feeling like my heart’s closing in on itself. But what am I supposed to do? Homes now are built by New regulations, with walls so thin that you couldn’t spare room for a larva to hatch. Not to mention it’s frowned upon now, what with last year’s termite incident making public their latent destructive habits. (Who’d have known they’d make such efficient arsonists?) So I do the only thing I can and stick them in my shoes.

It was fine when it was just a few. It was a little getting used to, with the careful walking and the simultaneously slimy-crunchy sensation between my toes, but I got the hang of it soon enough. But outdoor Crawlers are as common as untied laces these days, and it wasn’t long till I was shuffling around in galoshes filled with worms, slugs, scorpions, serpents, moths and moth-adjacents, aggressive mantises, and gaggles of gigapedes. The worst part is the looks I get. I mean, we’re still Polite, and no one with their etiquette intact would say anything about it, but you can read it in their eyes -- Why’re they walking so weird? Are those bugs in their shoes? Weren’t galoshes classified as contraband? and the like. I’d like to glare back at them, Take your wax and stick it in your bees!, but that wouldn’t be too Polite.

I don’t mean to condemn the New. The world changes, that’s that, and there’s good and bad both ways. I’m just nostalgic, I guess, for a time where everyone belonged the way I liked. The winters are getting longer, and the dirt is getting drier, and my shoes get tighter by the day. But my feet are warm, at least, even if I can hardly feel them. And hey, when I kick it, the rest of me will be a home for Crawlers, too, and all of us can belong, just the way I like.

#reply #villalunae #thanx 4 th. prompt! 0:#this was real fun it's one of the first creative writing i've done in years #bugs #trypo /#graphic /#death /

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tigreost · 6 years

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85 Question Tag Game! 💫

Tagged by the cute and wonderful @satur-nya!

Drink: coke and sometimes tea never

Phone call: never, just for quick calls

Text message: friends and my bf

Song you listened to: a lot of things 😂 but last was Nightcore - Solo [lyrics] (the one with dabi on the thumb. Yeah, judge me)

Time you cried: two days ago, due to anxiety and depression

Dated someone twice: yeah, they were rlly persistent

Kissed someone and regretted it: yeah :/

Been cheated on: idk? I hope not lol

Lost someone special: yep

Been depressed: everyday, all the time

Gotten drunk and thrown up: I don’t drink

Favorite colors: oh gosh.. black, gray, red, blue, anything that I find beautiful at the time rlly, like pastels

Made new friends: yeah! I’m so happy for them, they’re already precious to me, my first online friends :3

Fallen out of love: yup

Laughed until you cried: today, watching Mark’s new Try Not To Laugh video

Found out someone was talking about you: have no ideia, I’m too stupid to notice that (but usually my mom)

Met someone who changed you: yup, some

Found out who your friends are: yup, i guess?

Kissed someone on your facebook friends list: my bf 😂 and ex

How many of your facebook friends do you know irl: a lot of them, all from the same school (again, I almost don’t have friend online.. or irl for that matter)

Do you have any pets: yup, a fish-beta (it’s my mother’s but yeah)

Do you want to change your name: just my middle name, since I don’t use it

What did you do for your last birthday: I don’t rlly remember, but I spented it with my bf and eated some burritos

What time did you wake up today: 7:10 am

What were you doing at midnight last night: watching some videos (Mark and Pewds)

What is something you can’t wait for: have my own house, my own art style (and ppl liking it) and earn money (judge me, I know it’s a lot)

What are you listening to right now: music, Nightcore - Now I Don’t Care (judge me again)

Have you ever talked to a person named tom: wtf? Uh unfortunetly (he was very rude), “tom” is not rlly comum here so what with this question?

Something that gets on your nerves: myself, my anxiety, ppl being rude or calling my full name

Most visited website: I have no idea, but it’s between tumblr, twitter and tumblr

Hair color: dark chocolate brown

Long or short hair: shoulder’s lenght (wanna cut it)

Do you have a crush on someone: my bf

What do you like about yourself: my tattoos

Want any piercings?: yeah! I’d love to

Blood type: AB- I think?

Nicknames: irl? Bi or Bia

Relationship status: boyfriendo

Zodiac: Virgo

Pronouns: she/her

Fave tv shows: I have 0 ideas since I don’t watch tv, BUT I guess Scorpion, Castle, Bones and TBBT (judge me and whoever let the tv on)

Tattoos: two! A half-moon on my right wrist and a rose on my left forearm (but I want more)

Right or left handed: right handed

Ever had surgery: kinda? When I had a bicycle accident years ago they kinda had to cut some skin and muscle (not much muscle just the wasted part) bc it burned thanks to the iron, so I guess a plastic surgery (bc it got burned ?)

Piercings: none, but I wanna

Sport: volleyball and basketball, but I’m rlly lazy and sedentary

Vacation: Canada! But rlly anywhere pretty and interesting

Trainers: what?

Eating: soon pizza, but now a Brazilian candy called “doce de leite” (I guess it’s condensed milk, but idk), the crunchy type

Drinking: water

I’m about to watch: videos (yeah, Mark/Pewds/Jack again), if there’s nothing new, bnha -edit, changed my mind, I’ll watch @queenofliz4rds art stream

Waiting for: finish writing this to come back drawing lmao

Want: sleep, draw and my pizza

Get married: I don’t really mind to these things, but meh, whatever

Career: animator (pls hire me)

Hugs or kisses: both

Lips or eyes: both

Shorter or taller: I don’t rlly care, but usually taller (bc I’m tall)

Older or younger: I don’t care about it, my bf is a year younger (I usually liked older, but I don’t caaare)

Nice arms or stomach: both, but I’m weak for nice arms (big arms)

Hookup or relationship: relationship

Troublemaker or hesitant: both

Kissed a stranger: never

Drunk hard liquor: I don’t drink

Lost glasses: Sometimes, especially if they fall, I’m too tall, I don’t see them! But usually bc they fall from where I put them

Turned someone down: in which way? Relationship? yeah. Mood? all the time

Sex on first date: never did, but don’t I judge who does

Broken someone’s heart: yeah..

Had your heart broken: yup.. (not only on relationships)

Been arrested: never lol

Cried when someone died: yep

Fallen for a friend: yup

Yourself: I am a mess and weird/awkward, idk how ppl endure me, pleasure

Miracles: idk, don’t rlly believe in it, but if it happened I’m the type of person that don’t notice it

Love at first sight: idk, never happened with me (both sides of it)

Santa Claus: he’s red

Kiss on a first date: yeah, my bf, but it was planned. Before that, nop

Angels: of death?

Best friend’s name: hm, I don’t rlly have close friends, but I guess Kai (and maybe Stef/Luiza— but then again, idk if they agree with me, so)

Eye color: dark brown, almost black

Favortie Movie: I love a bunch of movies (come talk to me, gimme movies to watch)

Favorite actors: I’m bad with names, so I’ll say Kermit

My first tag! Nice

I will tag @kaijuchrys and @mr--socks. Only two ppl bc idk much ppl (come talk to me).

#tigreost #abt me #personal

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ariahkain · 4 years

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Below is my blog written when departing from Thailand.

May 29, 2019

My experience in bangkok has been much different from the other places we visited in Asia. Upon arrival, the difference in culture and environment was very evident. Wires lined the streets in a very disorganized manner. Hundreds of vendors are lined up and down the streets. Almost every street has at least one vendor hoping to sell anything from a bottle of water that is much needed in the beaming sun and 95 degree weather, or a fried scorpion, a nice crunchy snack that most Americans would find repulsive. The people in thailand are not fluent in english by any means. This came as a shock to me because the previous places we visited had many people that spoke english and we could talk to almost everyone with little to no trouble. This was not the case in bangkok. I found myself feeling relieved when I found the rare locals that are able to understand my desires. Although they may not be able to speak english well, the people are extremely nice and respectful. I absolutely love their way of thanking people by bowing with prayer hands. I feel this is the perfect way to show respect to someone.

The very first night in bangkok we took an interesting walk down the streets and watched as the people of bangkok were cooking up some delicious street food or sitting in the heat trying to sell souvenirs. The concept of street food is genius. Most of the cuisine is available until very late hours of the night, the perfect late night meal for those who’ve had a long day. It is very convenient to buy anything in thailand. The exchange rates make the American dollar so much more valuable. An average meal costs 3-5 USD, water costs about 30 cents! The prices are unbeatable especially for the quality received.

Bangkok has a very wide variety of markets that include hundreds and thousands of vendors. After visiting the Chatuchak weekend market, I can’t imagine returning to the United States and paying $25-$30 for a shirt that costs $3 at the market in Thailand. I spent a good four hours shopping around the 15,000+ market to only spend about $40 USD and left with clothing and souvenirs for everyone in my family. Fresh fruit, ice cold water, delicious food, and foot massages were also offered to shoppers as they frantically paced around the gigantic market looking for their next buy. Exploring thailand has been an such adventure due to their unique way of travel by tuk tuks. I often found myself riding in a tuk tuk to get to and from several locations. My first experience was absolutely delightful and getting a nice view of the city while on the go was the perfect experience. This was until we got scammed. Our very first ride costed us a painful 1000 baht. Soon after paying our driver, we realized that it was a mistake. The ride should have costed 200 baht at most. However, a few of us made up for the lost baht while taking a tuk tuk around the entirety of bangkok. We visited 5 different locations including: the golden buddah, the marriaman temple, the Harunon mosque, and the assumption cathedral. This tour costs us only 40 baht but we tipped the generous driver 60 baht, totaling 3USD for a 5 stop tour around town. You may be wondering how we pulled off such a great deal from the notoriously greedy tuk tuks. Well, we bargained and agreed to spend shopping time in two custom tailor shops and a high end jewelry store. This in beneficial for the driver because the businesses pay for his gas and provide food to him. Nonetheless, the quick detours were worth while and I can easily say tuk tuks are my new favorite way of travel.

Thailand was an unforgettable expirience and I learned so much about the culture and lifestyle. It was such an enlightening expirience and I am looking forward to exploring more of the country.

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ladystylestores · 4 years

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Vaccines, U.S. Reopenings, Flour Frenzy: Your Thursday Briefing

(Want to get this briefing by email? Here’s the sign-up.)

Good morning.

We’re covering progress toward a coronavirus vaccine on multiple fronts, a patchwork of reopenings in the U.S. and a run on flour in Britain.

More than 100 research teams around the world are taking aim at the virus. Companies like Inovio, Moderna and Pfizer have begun early tests in human subjects. Researchers at the University of Oxford in England, who are also testing vaccines in people, say they could have one ready for emergency use as soon as September.

So great is the urgency that researchers are combining trial phases and shortening a process that usually takes years, sometimes more than a decade. And they are using a range of techniques, some that are well established and some that have never been approved for medical use before.

Reopening, but on edge: Coronavirus infections have dropped sharply in Paris after a strict two-month lockdown and a growing contact tracing effort, health officials say. But the city’s reopening has been muted, in keeping with the national mood: fearful of what lies ahead and angry at the government.

Fifty U.S. states reopening, 50 approaches

The U.S. has crossed an uneasy threshold, with all 50 states beginning to reopen two months after the coronavirus thrust the country into lockdown. But there are vast variations in how states are opening up, with some forging far ahead of others.

Many states began to reopen despite not meeting White House guidelines for progress against the virus, and newly reported cases have been increasing in some states that are moving to lift lockdown measures.

In the long term: Federal Reserve officials worried that coronavirus-related lockdowns could spur bankruptcies and longer-term unemployment, potentially inflicting lasting damage on the economy, minutes from their late-April meeting showed.

If you have 5 minutes, this is worth it

Britain is in a baking frenzy

A family-owned flour mill in Oxford has been operating 24/7 for the first time in its 125-year history to provide enough of one of the country’s hottest commodities. “Demand remains consistently obscene,” one of the owners said. Above, an employee of the Wessex Mill moving bags of flour.

The U.K. is not alone: In France, demand doubled in March. In Italy, it reached its highest level since World War II.

Here’s what else is happening

Cyclone Amphan: A dreaded storm tore through eastern India and Bangladesh, killing at least several people but apparently causing less devastation than initially feared. The combination of an enormous evacuation effort and the storm weakening over land seemed to have spared many lives.

Group of 7: President Trump said he might try to host the annual G7 summit at Camp David as was planned before the pandemic, saying it would be a sign of “normalization.” No world leaders immediately rejected the idea. A virtual meeting is scheduled for June 10-12.

China: President Xi Jinping is using the country’s success — and the criticism against it — to urge the party and the people to weather tough days ahead.

The Globe: Shakespeare’s theater warned that it was in danger of permanently closing if it did not receive emergency funding from the government to make up for lost revenue.

What we’re listening to: The podcast “Wind of Change,” which explores a rumor that the 1990 ballad in the title, by the German band Scorpions, was written by the C.I.A. to exert influence behind the Iron Curtain. Mike Wolgelenter, one of our editors in London, writes, “What’s not to love about a heavy metal-tinged deep dive into Cold War espionage?”

Now, a break from the news

Cook: A comforting one-pan tuna casserole is just what we need right now. It has creamy white beans and a crunchy potato chip topping.

And now for the Back Story on …

Coronavirus rejiggers Germany’s politics

Germany’s measures for containment and careful reopening have been viewed as a model of a science-led approach. Melina Delkic talked to Katrin Bennhold, our Berlin bureau chief, about how the coronavirus crisis has shifted the political landscape in Germany, with the far right sidelined.

Something seems to have shifted for the far-right AfD, or Alternative for Germany, party during this pandemic. Its approval rating has been down in some national polls. Can you explain?

The pandemic has marginalized the party. In February, the fallout from an inconclusive election in a small eastern state showed what a potent and disruptive force the AfD had become. It ultimately brought down Angela Merkel’s anointed successor. But when the pandemic hit, everything changed. Its narrative didn’t cut through anymore.

It struggled for three reasons: First, Merkel rose to the occasion. Her government basically managed to avoid the disaster that was unfolding in neighboring countries. Her approval rating surged — and this was a chancellor whose party had been tanking. So it became hard to attack her when about 80 percent of public opinion was behind her.

Second, AfD’s signature issues — especially migration — were no longer salient.

Third, the government was doing a lot of the things in the context of this health crisis that the AfD had been arguing for. Suddenly Merkel was closing borders — she became emblematic of a strong nation-state.

Will that last?

The reopening has given AfD a chance to step back into the national conversation. The party is trying to turn Merkel’s measures around and say, “Look, it’s possible to close the borders, and the nation-state is actually the relevant entity, not Europe, not the world.” It is trying to co-opt some of the corona protests that are currently playing out on the streets of Germany.

The ultimate test will be the country’s mood after the economic crisis that has only just begun. The far right is banking on a meltdown, and the government is throwing money at this. For example, a short-term work program allows employers to cut employee hours while the government makes up some of the difference.

What does Germany’s reopening actually look like, and why did the containment work so well?

Success in this pandemic is basically a combination of some things that were already in place, like a robust health care system, and then a science-led approach. Merkel consulted very early with scientists, got testing off the ground and then coordinated with state governors. There was a sense of unity.

The reopening is happening in phases, and Merkel handed it back to the states this month. First it was shops and some schools. Restaurants opened last week in Berlin, where I live. It felt like a big moment.

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survivor346-blog · 5 years

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twelve Edible Bugs That would Assist you to Survive

In many components of the world, entomophagy, or consuming bugs is commonplace. Pests are actually one of the most plentiful protein source on earth, as well as a number of them boast thick focus of nutrients like omega 3s. If 2 billion people can welcome pests to the table, it shouldn't be way too much of a stretch for you to include edible bugs in your emergency-survival diet regimen.

In many components of the globe, eating insects is typical. Insects are actually one of the most plentiful protein resource on earth, as well as a number of them boast thick concentrations of en-vogue nutrients like omega 3's that we buy at expensive food store. If 2 billion individuals can welcome bugs to the dinner table, it should not be way too much of a stretch for you to consist of edible bugs in your emergency situation survival diet regimen.

Which insects can you catch and consume?

Insects as well as Crickets

Most types of grasshoppers and crickets are edible. If you do make a decision to go wild, keep in mind: They can lug nematodes, so keep in mind to prepare them prior to you eat them.

Just how to Catch Them

When and Where: Grasshoppers are simplest to catch in the very early mornings when they move more gradually. Look for crickets in moist, dark places initially: under rocks, logs, as well as other large objects.

Things You Need: Hands, a wool blanket or flannel shirt, or a water bottle and some over-ripe fruit

Approach:

By hand:

You can capture crickets by using your hands to snag them up. If you have to capture them by hand, they're fast, so err on the side of overkill and also order the whole area of ground bordering the cricket.

By wool blanket/flannel t shirt:

If you take place to have a woollen covering or a flannel tee shirt, area it in the middle of an area or area where grasshoppers seem to be abundant.

Chase the hoppy little bugs onto the flannel/wool. Their feet will obtain captured in the fibers a little, ideally offering you sufficient time to pluck them off (or out of the air).

By bottle:

You can catch them by reducing the top off of a plastic canteen (an open Nalgene works also), burying it in the ground, and also going down some over-ripe fruit in it. If you do not have any fruit, a radiance stick or easy work practically too (they're drawn in to it). If you drop in a few small items of cardboard or leaves, the crickets will conceal under them rather than attempting to get away.

Leave it overnight, and in the morning, you'll find breakfast hopping around inside.

Exactly how to Eat Them

To prepare crickets and grasshoppers, carry out their heads and also the entrails ought to come with; discard both. The entrails are edible, however removing them reduces the danger of parasite transmission. Therefore, always prepare the pests before eating them.

Eliminate the wings and legs.

Dry roast them if you have a pan, or skewer them and also roast over fire if you do not. You can char them if you choose.

Poisonous Grasshoppers

While the majority of insects are secure to consume, there are a couple of exemptions. Prevent any brightly-colored samplings, such as the eastern lubber (common in Texas and also a few other southern states), which can make you sick.

Ants

How to Catch Them

When as well as Where: Anywhere at any time. They're kind of ubiquitous.

Things You Need: Hands, a stick if you intend to make points much easier on yourself

Technique:

Simply check the ground, as well as you're sure to at some point discover a skittering battalion of ants. They march in straight lines, so they'll lead you straight to their home base.

One excellent way to gather them is to strike an anthill or various other environment (like a decomposing log) with a stick a of couple times, after that put completion of the stick in the opening.

As ants rush to bite the stick, soak it into a container of water-- preferably the container you wish to cook them in. Repeat up until you have a few hundred.

How to Eat them

Capture as lots of as you can, placing them straight into the water so that they sink while you catch extra. If you have to eat them raw, just make sure they're dead first so they don't attack you.

Termites

Termites are a terrific source of protein, and also because they live most of their lives hidden away in wood, they are less likely to carry bloodsuckers than other insects. Fully grown grown-up termites have wings and also can fly. The other phases (larvae, workers, soldiers, nymphs, queens, etc) can't fly, so they're simpler to snag. In some cultures, termite queens are considered as a special. Who understood you could consume like nobility while eating insects?

Exactly how to Catch Them

When and Where: Termites like timber. It's their primary food resource. So fracture open up a cool log, as well as accumulate your supper.

What You Need: Hands

Method: Break open up a punky log and also order them or drink them out fast. As soon as they see light, they'll creep deeper right into the wood.

How to Eat Them

Roast them in a dry frying pan. You desire these pests prepared crunchy.

Grubs

Is this the one you feared reading about? When a person claims "grub," they're generally describing the larval phase of a beetle. There are over 344 grub types taken in around the globe, including the witchetty grub in Australia, palm weevil grubs in some Asian nations, large water pests in North America, and mopane worms in Africa. A few of them are small and also crunchy, like mealworms, and some are fat and also juicy, like rhinoceros beetle larva.

When and Where: The ideal place to collect them remains in decomposing logs. You can likewise attempt stripping bark off of living trees, or looking under rocks as well as leaf litter.

What You Need: A stick or a rock

Technique

Discover a rotting log.

Strip the bark off of the log or wreck the log. Or strip the bark, harvest the grub (pun intended), and after that smash the log to see if there's any more inside. Grab them with your fingers-- they're not precisely quick.

Just how to Eat Them

Skewer them lengthwise with a long stick and also chef over an open flame until the skin is crunchy.

Timber Lice

Called "plant insects," "potato pests," "roly polies," or "tablet insects," woodlice are really not a bug at all. They're the only terrestrial shellfish in North America and have a flavor that's similar to shrimp. In fact, they're also called "land shrimp" sometimes.

Exactly how to Catch Them

When and also Where: They are exceptionally simple to collect. Rescind rocks as well as logs or filter through dead fallen leaves, and you're certain to discover some.

What You Need: Hands, something to accumulate them in

Method:

Press points over.

Gather insects.

Exactly how to Eat Them

Drop them in boiling water, and also leave them there for some time. They can lug nematodes (much better known as parasitical roundworms-- points you don't desire freeloading in your intestinal tracts), so make sure they're extensively cooked.

When they're done, stress the water out as well as eat.

Earthworms

Are worms practically pests? You've most likely played with these even more than you've consumed them. Remember to crush out the poop prior to you consume them.

Just how to Catch Them

When and Where: If it just rained, detecting these wigglers ought to be pretty easy. They'll be almost everywhere. If it hasn't simply rained, about for them in wet dirt, in breaking down vegetation (such as leaves and wood), or under rocks.

What You Need: Hands, something to place them in

Method:

Locate something they're most likely to be under or in.

Examine the location.

Gather.

Enjoy them al dente (however, like, ensure they're prepared).

Just how to Eat Them

While worms can be consumed raw in an emergency situation, you need to prepare them if at all possible. Like a lot of things on this list, they can potentially carry parasites-- and the parasite potential must encourage you to prepare them first. As well as the incredibly unpleasant prospect of consuming a live worm.

Stinkbugs

Yep, think it or not, stinkbugs are edible. Typically speaking, you should not eat noxiously odiferous insects. Stinkbugs, nevertheless, are the exception. They're just great to send down that hatch (after you prepare them, naturally). They are even thought about a delicacy in Mexico, where there's a yearly festival in Taxco to celebrate them.

Just how to Catch Them

When and Where: In the winter season, you will possibly locate them concealing under rocks, logs, or other cover. Otherwise, you'll see them flaunting arrogantly across open ground. You'll acknowledge them due to the fact that they resemble a standard medieval shield, straight across on the leading as well as concerning a point under.

What You'll Need: Hands, container

Technique:

Stalk.

Pounce.

Profit.

Just how to Eat Them

Some individuals consume them raw, however maybe try not to be one of those people if you can. To rid stinkbugs of their stinkitude, soak them in warm water for 5 to 10 minutes, and afterwards cook thoroughly by toasting in a completely dry frying pan. They are said to have an "iodine" taste.

Scorpions

Scorpions are a common street food in China and can be located in California, Arizona, New Mexico, and also various other Southwestern states. They taste a bit like crab. If you determine to dine on scorpion, make sure that you reduced the stinger off first. Normally the venom is created as well as kept in the leading two or so sectors of the tail. And also ensure you prepare them! Cooking normally negates the venom's toxic buildings, yet you can still have an allergy to it. Unlike an or wasp, you're not likely to obtain hurt by a scorpion after it's dead. If you've never eaten scorpion before, however, it may be best to stay clear of these-- but if you're in a survival scenario, you may not have a selection.

How to Catch Them

When and Where: These living, unsafe tacks reside in dens. You'll have to find a den if you want scorpion for supper.

What You'll Need: A jar with a cover, hands (or something you favor to dig with), a murder tool (like a stick or a knife-- most likely do not use your hands for this set).

Method:

To catch them, initially locate their dens. They'll be low to the ground, delved under looming rocks or logs.

Dig a hole right in front of the burrow, huge sufficient to suit an open-mouthed container, water bottle with the top cut off, or cup.

When the scorpion arises during the night, it will certainly fall into the jar and also be not able to climb out.

Kill it with a stick or a knife while it's still in the jar.

Cut off the stinger.

How to Eat Them

Roast over a fire or coals until it's well browned.

Earwigs

Have you ever before lifted up a pot in the yard as well as seen a horde of critters leave away right into the grass? That can be your lunch leaving. Earwigs are edible and secure to consume. They don't have stingers. They do not have poison. They appear like a cross in between an ant (the head section) and also a scorpion (the pincher bits), as well as have to do with the size of among those flattened cents you access a reasonable. When flustered, they may try to assault with their pinchers, however those pinches normally do not break the skin or perhaps hurt quite.

Exactly how to Catch Them

When and also Where: Like many of the other pests on the list, these guys are https://topsurvivor.com/category/camping/tents/ quite easy to locate. Looking under logs and also things that look like they've been uninterrupted for a while is an excellent place to start.

What You'll Need: Hands, container

Method:

Locate something to wiggle, like a rock or log, as well as have your container prepared.

Disrupt the rock or log as well as be ready to record your lunch.

Throw the bugs in a container.

Exactly how to Eat Them

Obtain your fire roarin' (or purring, it's up to you).

Sauteé your supper. You want your 'wigs nice and crispy.

Once they're completely cooked, you're great to enjoy your dinner.

Aphids

Do you remember that youngsters's book "The Grouchy Ladybug"? The story's lead character remains in search of supper: aphids. Aphids are tiny little insects that like sweet, sweet sap. They're commonly eco-friendly or black, yet can be found in a wide range of colors. They're really tiny-- you can possibly fit greater than 50 on a cent. Now, you reach be the Grouchy Ladybug-- but you do not need to share like the ladybug did.

Exactly how to Catch Them

There are many different types of aphids, as well as they have various plant preferences. If there are plants around, you're sure to discover an edible range.

What You'll Need: Hands, a container that holds water

Technique:

Brush them off into some water so they can not leave.

Exactly how to Eat Them

Steam them and enjoy.

Maggots

Grubs and maggots are a bit different-- even if they're both rather gnarly and maybe not prime treat product. Grubs are fat, juicy, and generally white in shade. Maggots are slim, yellow-brownish, and legless. "Grub" normally refers to beetle larvae, while "maggot" generally describes fly larvae. They are both edible. So they've got that choosing them.

How to Catch Them

When and also Where: There are various sorts of maggots. Some maggots reside in rotting flesh as well as spoiled meat. While decaying meat isn't secure to eat, the maggots are (yet prepare them first!). They additionally often tend to live in decomposing veggies as well as fruit. Some even reside in water. Maggots are unbelievably high in healthy protein as well as other helpful nutrients.

What You'll Need: Hands, container

Technique:

Locate a resource to gather them from. If you've obtained time, and some spoiled fruit, you can produce your own by leaving it out.

Gather.

Exactly how to Eat Them

Boil or saute to kill any possible sticking around bacteria.

Appreciate your Lion King-esque feast.

Dragonflies

Both of these stages are edible-- though one is a lot simpler to catch than the other. Much simpler to catch when they can not zoom away! These are edible, yet can be a pain to catch because of just how fast and also dexterous that are.

How to Catch Them

When and also Where: Dragonflies can't bite hard enough for a human to feel it, and also they do not have stingers. Both the larval stage and the grown-up stage are edible. The larval variation is most likely less complicated to catch, though. Dragonfly larvae live in water and are more usual in the spring as well as summer months.

What You'll Need: Hands, optional internet

Approach:

Larvae: These stay in the water as well as occasionally affix themselves to liquid plants. You ought to be able to quite conveniently just pluck them out of the water.

Capturing them without a net will most likely be challenging, unless you've grasped some kind of quick-snatch ninja step. Slip up on them while they're relaxing on something, and also see if you can not catch yourself some dinner.

Exactly how to Eat Them

You just need to prepare these for a couple of seconds, simply enough to eliminate any kind of bacteria.

Drawing the wings and legs off is optional however could make them essentially simpler to swallow.

Edible Bugs You Probably Want to Avoid Eating

These pests are edible, however either more difficult to locate or riskier to accumulate as well as eat. You might intend to work out care before consuming these-- or at the very least recognize what you're getting yourself right into.

Slugs and also snails

Tarantulas

and wasps

Caterpillars

Slugs and also Snails

While their flesh is benign, there's a high sufficient possibility that they've eaten something hazardous-- like dangerous plants or mushrooms-- to make consuming them unwise. The ones that you eat in a restaurant have actually been fed safe-to-eat plants; individuals preparing them understand specifically what those snails were eating. The exact same can't be claimed of an in-the-wild snail's diet regimen. If you wild snails or slugs, you take the chance of acquiring rat lungworm, which can turn into eosinophilic meningitis (triggering severe mind as well as nerves damages). These conditions generally conceal in the digestive system tract of the slugs as well as snails, so cooking them won't necessarily assure that they're disease-free system. If snails are your only dish alternative, you can also feed them plants you know aren't toxic for a week prior to consuming them. Be certain to prepare them thoroughly.

Tarantulas

Get rid of as much hair as you can, and also don't eat the fangs. If you cook them, curled legs are a sign of how done they are as well as how well prepared the withins are.

Bees as well as Wasps

Cut off the stingers and legs. Cook well. Be forewarned: These fliers are unsafe to catch. If risking stings deserves it (or you do not have another selection), you can attempt plugging the hive, and after that smoke the entire thing with some sort of improvised torch to kill every little thing inside. These get on the "respectable mention" checklist just because they're hard to capture as well as will certainly attack you without sorrow. That said, bee larvae can be consumed, and also they're much less likely to fight back.

Caterpillars

Bright ones and also unshaven ones often tend to be hazardous, yet that isn't a set-in-stone regulation. If you're stranded and looking to endure, this probably isn't the best wager.

Indicators a Bug Might Kill You

While most of pests are secure to consume, there are a couple of safety measures you ought to take:

Stay Clear Of Bright Colors: Don't consume any type of bugs that are vibrantly colored; their coloration is a cautioning to predators that they're poisonous. That also opts for the pests on this list.

Avoid Hairy Things: Avoid hirsute pests; there may be stingers snuggled in the fuzz.

Prevent Smelly Things: Also prevent any type of insects that have a powerful scent (except, paradoxically, stinkbugs).

When unsure: If you are ever before in doubt about a pest's edibility, cut off a small, cooked piece of it, ingest it, and wait a couple of hrs. If you do not create any kind of signs and symptoms, eat a bigger piece and wait once again. If nothing takes place, it's probably great.

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doodleywhack · 5 years

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Music things i will never get tired of

When going through the songs, u might wanna just lay down on your bed and like, *really* listen to them w/o rushing

They all make me feel some type of way

The beginning of nico and the niners by tøp. It makes me nostalgic?

"i don't know where i am, i don't know where i am" in the first verse/chorus/thing at least in "anarchist" by yungblud

The part where "A version of Romeo and Juliet" in i love you will you marry me (also yungblud)

"i am huUUman and i need to be loOoved" (how soon is now - the Smiths)

bIGMOUTH ladadadadadaa bIGMouth ladadadaaa (Bigmouth strikes again - the Smiths)

2:19 in im not okay by mcr: i'm okay, im oKAAAAYYYYYY

Trust me, im NOOOOOT OKAAAAY

The opening verse and bassline of 'looking at me' by brina (her voice is so FIERCE) believe me when ive many girl power dance battles w myself at night w this one

The whole three cheers for sweet revenge album really

Cemetery drive is just so good and the 'i miss you' into the chorus ohmygod

Also i really love "the jetset life is gonna kill you" shitt it's too good

The "I MISS MY MOM " part in the verse or idk (it's at 1:11 i think ) in you know what they do to guys like us in prison at like

Run by ff: between ca 1:40 og 1:55 there's a transition around i think 1:47 or smth that i really love. And when it gets harder again if u know what i mean

^^also the guitar is this whole song ESPECIALLY from 4:07 and onward (and waaay back at the very start of the song) and then also in the ending of the song and you know what, just this whole sack of music is heavenly

The part where the drums come in and then the guitar in "dom som forsvann" by kent

^^AND THE REALLY SHORT PART OF GUITAR IN THE BACKGROUND AT 3:37 GOSHHH it makes me so nostalgic

^^also 'lifesavers' and 'vi är för alltid' by Kent is just so good

When the bassline kicks in in fine mess by interpol

^^as well as "the rover", "rest my chemistry", "Evil" and a couple of others by Interpol is also good

Daft pretty boys by bad suns it just has this really really specific feel to it (at least in the beginning of the song) with just the guitar and then the BASS

^^ALSO "even in my dreams i cant win" is just.. It just has this feeeeeeling to it u know? Like an alternate universe or parallell universe or somethingg

2:38 in sweather weather tnbh OH OMG the rhythm changee!

1:13-1:37 in talk fast live 5sos GOD BLESS (the WHY so complicated (...) part Is my fav)

3:30-4:21 in alentine live 5sos ffffff (and 0:12 when calum uses his magic voice on us and says "london let's fucking dance"+the whole first verse. +the shole second verse. Og my god.)

Okay the ups and Downs in the vocals like everywhere but especially in the chorus of "drug" by simple creatures. Also after the bridge when it all comes crashing down again. And like his voice is so attractive

All the parts where it's like aah Aah aah AaAah in boulevard of broken dreams by green dayyy

El matador by the Smiths - i LOVE IT it gives me this kind of really beautiful nostalgia feel yk?? And just the opening singing melody or like the first verse where he goes up in tone kinda + the relaxing guitar and aaaaaaaaaaan idk if u understand but iii just love it sm

The beginning of just like heaven by the cure. Like the bass introduction or something. So good

Hhkdkdkd 'the sound of war' by Susanne sundfør is SO. GODDAMN. BEAUTIFUL.

Music. I can't fathom how us humans can create so beautiful melodiesEven if it's just a split second

Related, here are a list of songs that just like, MMMM they're just SO good. Crunchy good. Like snack bars

Like idk you might not even like them but i do so that's good enough for me

World party ext by the waterboys. Oh my god. I was it live once and holy fuck

Still loving you - scorpions

Angels (live at knebsworth, not the original studio version) by Robbie Williams. Shitttt

I wanna be adored - the Stone roses

Reise reise - rammstein (Just the like second half of the song is just so good imo)

Grand pappy du plenty ('02 digital rem) - rchp

Oblivion - Susanne sundfør + m83

Watching over - greta van fleet

Come as you are - nnnnirrrrvvvanaa

Dirty Diana (2012 rem) - good ol' mj

The chain - Fleetwood Mac (SHIT, the bassline at like 3:04) oh my. Idk, it might not mean anything to u or u might even think, uuuuh nah that's not even that hard or complicated heck idk. But for me aaaah ive danced so much to this song in my room at like 2 am

December - all about eve (I've Grown up w this song and 'gold and silver' playing at full volume downstairs and they hold a special place in my heart

Feel free to add whatever

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theadventuresofhelena · 7 years

Text

Cambodia

So, it’s safe to say that Allison and I passed out on the plane ride from Viet Nam to Cambodia. It was short, only about 45 minutes, but we were happy we got to sleep on the bus rides that day and the planes. We definitely had made the most of the day and night prior in Viet Nam and felt like we didn’t miss anything during Cambodia, so that was really awesome! We landed in Phnom Penh and headed straight to an orphanage. One thing that did sort of suck was my voice still hadn’t fully recovered so I had lost it again. So when we got to the orphanage I basically had to follow Allison around while she spoke with the kids because I couldn’t speak for myself. I definitely was bummed that I couldn’t speak, but I still got to meet with a lot of the kids and they were all so wonderful. It feels weird to call the kids because in reality, they were teenagers, almost adults. The guy we got to speak with the most, he was eighteen years old. And the other kids we were with were anywhere from 13-18 years old, so there were no babies or toddlers, they were much older than I imagined them being. I’ve always wanted to adopt since I was young, so coming here was tough. Seeing their living conditions and their positive attitudes around us was heartbreaking for me. I still haven’t quite fully digested it, it will take me a while, but I’m so incredibly happy that I got to meet these people. They were all so lovely and sweet. We didn’t get to stay for long which was really unfortunate, but we got to play games with them and just talk about anything and everything so by the time we had to leave, it was hard to say goodbye. We all took a big group photo and then said our own personal goodbyes. Next, we had lunch briefly at a restaurant. The restaurant was absolutely beautiful and jungle-themed. We got to eat a little bit of everything, it was awesome! They brought out a bunch of different things for us to try, it was like a buffet style but little servings of everything. After we ate we went to the Toul Sleng Museum and Cheung Ek Killing Fields (The first day had a lot of tough things to see and experience). The museum was horrifying. I can’t even explain what happened there, it was so recent in our history, too. There were faces of all the prisoners who came there to be executed (there were hundreds of thousands of them all along boards in about 5 different rooms) and there was one in particular that I will never forget because his facial expression was the most pure form of fear I have ever seen. That was all you could see in this photo of this man. The killings fields weren’t any better, there is a small-temple like building in the front center of the killing fields that has a very large glass container that contains skulls. Within the container they have different sections for male, female, and infant/child skulls and different areas for people who had been killed with different weapons such as knives, guns, spears, and much, much more. It was a lot to take in just in general, but especially in one day. However, we ended the day lightly by taking a small boat cruise along the Tonle Sap river during sunset. It was actually an insanely beautiful sunset and it was a nice place to be to reflect on everything we had seen. Our tour guide for the day, Red, was with us as well, and on the bus ride to the river he told us his story of him growing up and everything he had gone through. It was unfathomable what he had been through and it was incredible what he has recovered from so I thanked him for telling us his story because he didn’t have to do that at all. This first day in Cambodia made a great impact on me, personally. It really made me check myself and all my privileges. We walked back to the bus after the boat cruise and went to go eat dinner. We ate at one of the most beautiful restaurants I have ever been to. We were out on a deck that was lit up with christmas lights wrapped around poles and this restaurant was also had a jungle theme so there were plants everywhere, it was freakin magical. Allison and I sat across from two girls we had yet to really meet. So while we were eating dinner, we talked with them and got to know them a bit better. But soon they found out about the wifi and they got onto it and it quickly turned to a one on one conversation with Allison. I didn’t mind though, we both didn’t really want to get on the wifi because we felt that it would ruin the experience. So we stayed off of it and just had a really amazing conversation. We talked about what we saw today but also about random things. That night was probably one of my favorite moments on this trip so far, it was just so nice to feel so in the moment of where I was and what i was doing and be doing it with a really good friend. We left the restaurant and went to our hotel and I was roommates with a girl named Chelsea. She was really cool and I had never really seen her around the ship before so I was excited to be able to meet someone new! We both took showers and fell asleep immediately. We got up the next morning I think around 5:30 or 6am to get the free breakfast and check out. We took the bus to the National Museum where we stayed and got a tour from Red about the different god and goddess statues as well as the pieces of Angkor Wat that were being displayed. After the museum we were headed to the airport to get to Siem Reap, Cambodia! Once we got to Siem Reap we went straight to a Woman’s school. That was probably one of my favorite things I got to do. I met so many wonderful girls who were just so sweet and kind and I had gotten my voice back a little bit so i actually got to talk with them and I added a few of them on Facebook as well! The man who started this school for women is in the process of creating an internship for native English speakers to come and teach English here and I was like whaaaaat that’s basically what I want to do for the rest of my life plz take me! So that was REALLY awesome that I got to talk with him and have this as a possibility for the nearby future. Saying goodbye to them was really hard, but it was nice knowing that I would be able to add them on Facebook later when I had service. That night we had to ourselves, so we just checked into our hotel and then all decided to meet in the lobby at 6:30pm to go get dinner and explore the town. We left and got tuk-tuks (rickshaws) to the night market where we walked around and did some random shopping before eating dinner. Allison and I passed by one of the tanks that carry the fish in them that take the dead skin off of your feet and we both had always wanted to try it but were too cheap of people to pay for it, but at the night market a guy had it for about 2 dollars a person for an unlimited amount of time. It’s the cheapest price either of us had seen, so we knew we had to do it. The only weird thing was that these fish were slightly larger than what I’ve seen before but we figured it would be fine so we paid the guy and slowly dipped our feet in there. And let me tell you, it was the weirdest feeling I have ever felt! It tickled SO much! We asked the guy to take pictures of us and we got some good ones so I will definitely add them because they are hilarious. It takes a while to get use to the feeling too, but after a few minutes you finally get use to it. We were there for a good while and our feet were so dirty because we had been on them the past 3 days in dust and dirt so the fish had a lot to work with to say the least. When we finally decided to get out, we could definitely tell a difference with our feet, they were a lot softer! It was pretty cool. We gathered everyone up and headed over to Pub Street to find a restaurant. Siem Reap is a fairly small town and travelers come here to see Angkor Wat so the Pub Street is filled with backpackers and travelers; aka a lot of fun. We walked all the way down the street trying to find a place that all of us would want to eat at. The people we were with wanted American food, but Allison and I were looking for more of Cambodian food. We found a restaurant that had both so everyone was happy with that and we sat down and ate. We were sitting next to this woman named Michelle and she was a hoot and a half. She was so funny and she ordered a barbecue crocodile pizza, so obviously we all had to try it. And the rumor is right-it tastes like chicken! It was really good actually so I pigged out and ate my spring rolls, noodles with chicken and vegetables, I think I had one and a half slices of her pizza, a chocolate milkshake, 2 beers, and ice cream for dessert. For all of you wondering, no I have not gained weight! But I was slightly shocked at my body for being able to eat all of that, for sure. Afterwards the group split up and we all agreed to meet at a bar called Angkor What? Allison, Michelle, and I went on the hunt for weird foods. Michelle said she had to eat a tarantula and we fully supported that decision so we walked along the streets and it took a good 0.5 seconds to run into a stand that was selling tarantulas, scorpions, and small red snakes to eat. Michelle got the tarantula and Allison got a scorpion, and I ate their weird foods and didn’t get my own. I highly do not recommend any of them lol they were all pretty gross and didn’t taste like really anything. But I only tried a tarantula leg and not the body so I could be mistaken on the not tasting like anything part. What I had was just crunchy! Pub Street is so much fun just to walk down because they have small little carts that are all blaring their own music and selling shots, cocktails, and beers all for dirt cheap. It was amazing! We danced from cart to cart all the way back to the Angkor What? bar, where we all took a shot together and then headed across the street to dance at this one club. We ran into some other SASers who were on our Cambodia trip so we were with them for bit, but we had a very early morning of watching the sunrise at Angkor Wat so we were back in the hotel and in bed by 12am. We woke up at 4:30am and met in the lobby at 5, then we all took tuk-tuks to the ticket office where we had to get a photo taken of us and then our ticket for the day. We got back in the tuk-tuks and were headed to Angkor Wat! We entered through the west gate which was less popular so at first we are thinking wow, we came at a great time there is no one here! But it turns out we came from the back side so we had to walk around to the front and in the front there were at least one hundred people waiting for the sunrise just like us so once we saw that we were like oh just kidding. Angkor Wat honestly just blew me away, it was insanely huge, we probably could’ve spent half of a day walking around this site alone. We got about 3 hours there so that was nice, but of course, it seems we are always running out of time. In the beginning of our 3 hours we sat on the lawn in the front near the pond and watched the sunrise. It was absolutely breathtaking. It’s hard to put into words everything I was feeling and experiencing, I don’t think I have ever felt more alive and free than in that moment. And being there with a friend and just taking it all in, was unbelievable. After the sun had risen a decent amount, we decided to do some of our own exploring and walked into it. The structure itself was insane, we were told it took about 40 years to build and people worked on it everyday and they had elephants to help them. The sheer size of it is mind blowing but all the intricate work on each piece of stone was just insane and it’s all hand carved and built-ah it’s just crazy to see something like this in person. The photos don’t do it justice. (but when do they ever do honestly?) We met back at our meeting spot and had our tour guide take us through a little bit to give us some more information on it, but soon we were on our way out of the site and onto the next! We went to the site that has the trees coming out of the building and that was so amazing to see in person as well, the trees are so tall and heavy-looking we couldn’t really fathom how the building was holding them up. Unfortunately the sun wasn’t in the right position so the pictures aren’t that great but I’ll post them anyways so you guys can see them! After this site we went to one more temple that was really freaking cool because you were allowed to climb to the top of them by climbing very old scary steep staircase- so obviously we did that. Going down was a lot scarier than coming up though, it was nearly a straight drop down! But everyone survived and no one was injured and then we went to the bigger part of the temple and explored around there for a bit. But soon our time was up and we had to make our way back to the airport to go back to Viet Nam.

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