#sorry for negativity but I feel like shit and I'm at my limit already :(

[eternalergo]

called in sick today because had one hell of a night :) migraine and chronic stomach pain my beloved.

[coeurcanelle]

☆Baby,the stars shine bright☆pt6

pt5

inspired by the 'kamikaze girls',♡ always had unconditional love for lolita fashion and nothing else but when she met ellie,an auburn haired girl whos part of a gang with a dad's fashion sense ,her love for clothes begins to compete with her growing feelings for ellie

strangers to friends to lovers,love-hate friendship,opposite aesthetics,early 2000s

wlw,fluff

wc:8k

loud scream was heard all around the house, immediately waking up Ellie. The bed was empty beside her, and you were nowhere to be seen in her room, so she ran to search for you.

Mars ran away from the bathroom door, using the chairs in the living room as her hiding spot. Ellie's eyes drifted from her cat to the bathroom door. She approached it, turning the doorknob while imagining the worst.

There she found you.

"wat's wrong with you? don't tell me you got jumpscared by a spider or something."

Mixed emotions washed over her: relief and confusion. She hated waking up to clock alarms, but your screaming was by far the worst. She was even more puzzled seeing you standing next to the large mirror, holding the same bonnet you wore yesterday.

"it's worse than that," your voice filled with sorrow, making Ellie furrow her eyebrows in confusion. Only her fear of spiders could make her scream like that. But when you clearly showed her the small holes in your bonnet, she didn't need any clearer explanation for your reaction.

Your ears quickly turned red when you saw Ellie raising one eyebrow at you; you might have overreacted. "sorry, but if you think about it, it's not entirely my fault."

Ellie scoffed. How was she to blame?

It was you who fell on your own that night you both left the casino. If you didn’t call her the names you did, she wouldn’t have chased after you. She didn't need to lift a finger to make you regret your words, not when gravity became your worst enemy at that moment.

"you're such a drama queen. Just get a new one. Besides, what's done is done. At least next time you'll watch your mouth before calling me stupid names." Her hand still reached to grab your bonnet, wanting to know if it was that badly messed up for you to react so negatively.

"you sure don't get anything in fashion. It was a limited edition, dumbass." You handed the accessory to her. Since it had gotten into a mediocre state, its worth was now reduced to nothing to you. It would finally meet its destined fate and be thrown in the trash.

Carefully, Ellie inspected your item and even tried to slide her fingers through the small holes.

"well, you're definitely not a smartass for wearing this AND trying to annoy the shit out of me." Her fingers swiftly passed through the holes; she wiggled them at you, doing a good job of pissing you off.

It was just morning, and you could already feel grumpiness sticking with you all day.

You snatched your bonnet out of Ellie's hands, earning a smug grin from her that you couldn't snatch away from her face. "you're so fucking immature."

All you wanted to do was to go home and start all of this over, wishing for a miracle and hoping to find the exact same bonnet in any nearby shops.

"you can't call me that too." Ellie crossed her arms and blocked the way out of the bathroom so you couldn't leave, even if you truly didn't want to.

You were for sure overreacting, and Ellie wasn't going to let you be all grumpy to her, not when she thought of a solution to help you and not when both of you spent a dreamlike night yesterday.

The clock was ticking 9 am, signaling it was her breakfast time, but the only thing she needed at the moment was that smile of yours to make a comeback.

So she suggested: '"you know what, I'll let that slide because you're-your hat's cute."

"bonnet" you corrected.

"whatever. Just give it to me. I don't know anyone around who can do it for free, so I'll try to fix it up."Her words were anything but convincing to you. "plus, embroidery is like stitching someone up except with fabric. I'm sure I can do this with my eyes closed." she sounded more confident until she saw reluctance reappearing on your face at the last sentence.

"It's fine"*you're going to mess it up even more* you carefully didn't add.

Ellie wanted to help, and she started to get desperate. Fashion wasn't something she was particularly interested in, but she was certainly interested in you.

The way your face would beam at the sight of Lolita dresses, the way you'd work hard (scam) to get money for the sole purpose of upgrading your wardrobe, and the way you looked in the clothes you liked didn't go unnoticed by Ellie,in fact,there was nothing else she liked more than seeing you happy.

It was at this moment she also realized your connection was so strong she started to match your emotions too, and the last thing she wanted right now was to feel sad because you did.

"just give me one chance," she said, letting herself get carried away by the waves of love and affection. It was undoubted that she would do anything for you. "and if it doesn't look fashionable enough, you can lock me in your basement and leave me dying of hunger and boredom."

Your lips curved into a smile at the inside joke. "you're lucky I'm not as unhinged as you", after debating whether or not you should let Ellie fix your bonnet, you reluctantly gave it to her to put an end to her persistence, but not without lessening your worries.

Ellie was thankful that you trusted her, and now that your bonnet's future was placed in her hands, with hope and determination, she would give it to you all fixed up to thank you back.

"damn, you can't take a joke, can you? I don't even have a basement and even if I did— i mean..do you see me doing this kind of stuff? thats just fucking crazy. What kind of psycho would do that just for getting scammed?"Her tone was exaggeratedly bewildered as if it was something morally unthinkable, as if she didn't joke about it last night.

"It doesn't sound that unbelievable since you did think about it." Your arms crossed and you straightened your back. You recalled Ellie's serious face from last night and how she easily sent shivers down your spine. Your opinion today hasn't changed; you still found her kinda hot. "trust me, those psychos think exactly like you. They're just a little more deranged."

A sigh escaped her lips as she inspected your item, using her imagination to figure out how to sew the small holes. But if you kept teasing her, she would start to reconsider helping you.

"you can play this spot-the-difference game and all you want. You could do the same with your hat and Joel's socks once I'm done fixing it."

Yesterday, when you passed through the kitchen, the open windows offered a view of the small garden outside. The hung-up clothes slightly moved back and forth with the wind, and a few holey socks were strongly attached to the cord.

Now you know who they belonged to.

"please don't."

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With eyebrows pulled together, focused eyes, and gentle yet ineffective movements, Ellie’s determination wasn’t enough against her lack of experience. Many things that looked easy often revealed themselves to be the complete opposite.

Some stitches were too tight while others were too loose; Ellie had difficulty hand-sewing up the hole.

You both had left Joel's house to head to your own, not expecting to see your dad bringing people into the house too. It turned out he had finally found a job—something that wasn’t drastically different from what he used to do before but made him satisfied. However, you never imagined he’d once find money through being a fortune teller. But only a scammer like him didn’t mind looking absurd while predicting obvious events that eventually occur in everyone’s life.

You had led Ellie to your room at the end of the corridor and now you were sitting at the edge of your bed, with your face resting in the palm of your hand when you weren’t leaning over your desk, taking a closer look at what she was doing.

If it wasn’t for her kindness and how adorable she looked, you would have definitely taken back your bonnet already, not letting her continue her terrible job at pushing the thread in and out.

Since it was her first time doing something like this, she judged the uneven stitches to be fine, while you grimaced at the sight of them.

After finishing one hole, Ellie turned to you and held the bonnet up to you expectantly.

Your lips pressed into a thin line quickly formed an embarrassed smile.

You didn’t know what to say.

“is my work so good it got you speechless, or you don’t wanna say anything because you envy my skills?” Her grin was cocky despite her awful work. You had to do something about it (both her cockiness and her work).

“I’ll give it a 2/10 for effort and also because it’s your first try.” Your bluntness instantly made her cocky grin disappear, her lips pressed into a thin line instead.

“never meaner... and why not 3?” Ellie asked for justification. She had spent a hot minute trying to copy what you had shown her, but she couldn’t even get through the basics.

You wanted to laugh at her desperation. “maybe you’re right, I should reconsider...” You pretended to think as you put your finger on your chin, not surprising Ellie with your comeback, “1/10.”

“alright, for effort or first try?” she asked as if your answer was going to have life-changing consequences.

“whatever helps you sleep at night,” you shrugged your shoulders and tried to think of what to do with your ruined accessory. Now that Ellie had tried to help, you didn’t want it to end its life in the trash. “I’ll do it myself, I can’t stand seeing my bonnet like this.”

“then sit,” she didn’t fail to make you roll your eyes at her, smirking in return.

After giving it some thought—something Ellie is highly unlikely to do—you carefully removed the thread Ellie had stitched on the hole, throwing away 30 minutes of hard work and determination.

You told her you had another idea when you heard her dramatic gasp, and all she could do was trust the process.

As your hands were busy hand-sewing, your mind brought you back to a memory that still felt like a vivid dream.

The scent of Ellie on her clothes that you were wearing, her playing the melody of your favorite song, and her strong arms embracing you.

You slightly shook your head.

No.

One thing was in fact from a vivid dream.

At least you still got to wear her clothes, get her to play your favorite song for you, and even gaze at the stars while your heartbeats rhythmically synced.

However, you couldn’t ignore the painful pang in your chest when you remembered her embracing you with affection was just a dream.

You wanted her to hold you like this in real life too.

Once again, you shook your head to arrange your thoughts.

You were so crazy about her that the lines between imagination and reality uncontrollably started to blur!

Then 1... 2, and soon 5 petals were meticulously sewn around the hole. You had never thought of doing something so original before; maybe it was because you felt Ellie’s attentive gaze on you.

You made sewing look so easy while she struggled to get one stitch right.

Thoughts like "maybe if I'm better at this, I could make her like me more" resurfaced in Ellie’s head again.

At first, it was envy, but her admiration for you made her gradually seek approval from you, which wasn’t any easier.

Her mind was still filled with the newfound memories of yesterday: how good you looked in her clothes, the way your eyes would sparkle under the moonlight, and the sound of your uncontrollable laughter when she’d tell you something stupid. This was the recipe for making her heart melt. Words weren’t enough to perfectly describe how happy she felt, knowing she was the reason behind your bright smile.

One night wasn’t enough to satisfy her; she wanted to spend as much time with you as possible.

Maybe tonight you could hopefully recreate yesterday again, even better?

Caught staring at you, Ellie snapped her thoughts away and drifted her eyes away from you.

You had noticed Ellie’s devotion to proving herself to you, but you were against it, believing this whole comparing thing was pointless when you liked her just the way she was.

“there are about 2 holes left,” you stated, reaching your hand out for Ellie to grab your bonnet. “here, take the needle. I’ll teach you how to make flower petals instead.”

Ellie’s hand didn’t budge, and you saw the hesitation in her eyes. “bet you could do this with your eyes closed after some time,” you added before taking her hand to place your unfinished accessory in it.

She scoffed as her eyes glanced at what she was holding, the pressure to be successful coming back “I don’t think you actually want me to do that.”

“hey, you might be slow, but you’ll get the hang of it at some point,” you reassured her.

You always believed that humans were gifted with potential; they just tended to limit themselves.

Plus, it wouldn’t hurt to have something handmade from the girl you liked. “Also, my hands are getting sore.”

“so, you’re basically using me? didnt know you were like this” she exclaimed with a smirk.

“you literally begged to help me.”

"omg, I literally didn’t... why’d you—I wasn’t even that desperate.”

And the teasing went on and on until she started to turn her attention back to your bonnet.

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Once again, getting attention was something you were used to by now. You've seen so few people wearing lolita clothes that you could count them on one hand, so it was a normal reaction for people to curiously stare at you. Hence, you brushed it off when you felt the employee from your favorite clothing shop's eyes on you.

"maybe it's been a while since she last had a customer," you thought.

Totally lost in your own world, you shuffled through the stunning dresses crafted with luxurious fabrics and adorned with intricate lace, pearls, and embroidery details that were to die for.

Since Joel didn't want to spend his time shopping at the convenience store, he had sent you and Ellie with a list of things that mostly consisted of food. But after you were done with the task Joel had given you, you couldn’t wait any longer to visit the Baby, the Stars Shine Bright shop nearby, which you judged to be the best shop to ever exist in the world.

After taking a quick look at their newest collection in their showcases, you didn't waste a single second and stepped in.

Ellie aimlessly followed you around, carrying the plastic bag containing your groceries with one hand and holding yours with the other, languidly dragging her feet.

After finding your happiness, you headed towards the cashier. Faint dimples appeared on both sides of her cheeks as she smiled, enlightened to see you again. You dropped Ellie's hand as you paid for a brand new white headband, and the same employee from earlier approached you, as pleasant as the cashier, but her staring started to make you self-conscious.

"is there anything else you need, miss?" she asked, her eyes not leaving your bonnet. You readjusted it a bit nervously.

"that will be all for today, thank you" you returned an awkward smile. The employee felt sorry for her persistent gaze, but she needed to take a closer look at your accessory.

"is this bonnet purchased from here?" The employee thought it was strongly similar to one bonnet from their previous collection, except it didn't have embroidered flower petals adorning it.

She received a silent response with a positive nod from you, and you suddenly became shy.

The employee rapidly called another worker, "regina, come here, you have to look at this!"

In just a span of seconds, you became the center of attention of the whole place. Everyone was looking and pointing at the details on your bonnet, still sitting at the top of your head.

They were women with taste, and you hoped the surprise painting their faces didn't mean something about the retouches looking horrendous.

A feeling of reassurance washed over you when they started to praise you.

"beautiful, beautiful!"

"did you make this yourself? You truly are talented!"

"i wish I was this creative and knew how to do embroidery as well," they all exclaimed enthusiastically as their eyes shifted from your creation to your face repeatedly, admiring your bonnet like it was a piece of art displayed in a far-famed museum.

You were far from accustomed to getting praises, and Ellie wondered why they were all acting so excited over an accessory.

But when you told them she had helped you fix your bonnet up, all eyes turned to her, flattering her with praises as well.

One of the employees managed to get the boss out of his office upstairs, leading him to you.

It felt like time instantly stopped.

You couldn't believe what was happening.

The CEO of your favorite clothing brand, walking up to you?

It must be a dream, right?

You were too busy trying to distinguish your imagination from reality to react when he asked if he could take a closer look, suggesting you hand your bonnet to him.

Your legs suddenly felt heavy, and your vision started to darken though you had your eyes open.

You weren't here.

"wow, this is beyond wonderf-" The man didn't even have time to compliment your work before you helplessly fainted on the floor.

Alarm bells went off in Ellie’s mind. Standing beside you, she rushed down to catch your head before it could harshly hit the 'white tile,' blaming your sudden unconscious state on the tall man.

"what a reaction for a burst of joy," she sighed as she slightly shook you in an attempt to bring you back to her.

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It didn't take long to wake up, but wake up from what? Because right now, you could literally say you're living a dream.

Ellie's heart returned to its normal pace. "are you alright?" she softly asked, brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear to see your awakened face more clearly.

"yeah." The realization that you had fainted in front of everyone, especially the CEO of your favorite shop, made you extremely embarrassed. After a moment, you slowly stood up, cleared your throat, and turned to the girl who had just saved your life. "you?"

Your unnecessary concern for Ellie elicited a light chuckle from her. "thanks for asking, but you're the one who nearly passed out here."

The whole room was filled with awkward and short laughs. The feeling of embarrassment flashed across your face once again, and you refused to look ahead and meet the eyes of the man who had created the source of your happiness.

Your fixed bonnet was still held by his hands. His eyes darted from you to it, with many questions eager for answers popping into his mind.

Curiosity bubbled up inside him as he wondered how one's mind could go that far and how you and your friend had created such a wonderful replica of what you had just imagined. His mind was like bubbles of curiosity ready to explode.

He carefully approached you and Ellie, offering you praise and asking various questions.

Ellie's eyes never left your face, studying every single feature as you did your best to answer as clearly as possible. Her heart swelled uncontrollably with warmth when you'd mention her helping you a lot.

After what seemed like a lifetime to Ellie, he finished interviewing you both.

He just needed one thing from you.

The sight of his hopeful and impatient eyes made your heart burn with anticipation. You tried to control your breathing, which quickened its pace, refusing to succumb to the menacing fainting.

"with an imagination and talent like yours, it would be regretful for it to go to waste," he stated, reaching out to return your item. But he didn't hand it to you when your hands nervously grabbed for it. "I wish to hire you as an embroiderer. What do you think?"

Your mind was flooded with racing thoughts about working here.

It seemed like the ideal workplace, but was it truly your ideal job?

"I just love wearing cute clothes, not necessarily making them," you confessed after a moment of silence. The female employees exchanged glances, curiosity on their faces as they wondered why such a talented person would pass up such a fortunate opportunity.

Refusing to let this be your final words, Ellie gently touched your shoulder, encouraging you to step out of your comfort zone. "are you serious? Do you realize i know how to do embroidery thanks to you? me...someone who couldn't even hold a needle without shaking and pricking my finger" Ellie took your hand, squeezing it as she urged, "this is your chance, dont fuck it up"

Refusing wasn’t an option when such a suggestion came from the CEO of your all-time favorite brand, but hearing the desperation in Ellie’s voice made you accept right away.

Working in your favorite place, surrounded by stunning dresses and accessories, and earning money from it was literally a dream job. To you, it wasn't as if he was asking you for something but rather offering you a present. You told him you could work from 8 to 6, Monday to Friday.

His eyebrows furrowed in refusal, and he thoughtfully reduced the amount of work hours since you were currently on summer break.

And just like that, you left the shop with the same smile you entered with, except it was slightly wider and brighter than usual. The realization that this dream-like moment was indeed a reality would hit you later.

You walked down the streets with ellie,both of you not knowing where to go and just mindlessly following each other.

"uh, where exactly are we going right now?" Ellie questioned, her eyes squinting at the bright sunlight directly assaulting her face.

"I don't know. I was following you." You stopped mid-track and tried to put your mind on pause. The scenes from earlier replayed in your head non-stop.

"don't freak out, but I kinda don't have a sense of direction when it comes to wandering in places I don't know." A tired sigh escaped from Ellie's mouth. When she turned around, she couldn't even recognize where you both had come from.

But this place wasn't more unrecognizable than you. It felt like your soul had left your body since you passed out, that it had stayed in 'Baby, the Stars Shine Bright,' and that you were now working on autopilot.

Ellie's eyes fell on the white summer houses around you. With such little details to distinguish them from one another, they all looked awfully similar.

Silence reigned over the avenue, unlike your mind, which was anything but quiet at this moment. "ellie," she directly shifted her gaze from the houses to you, more worried about your overwhelmed state than the fact that you were lost. "god is real."

Pure confusion replaced her worry in a split second. "what the fuck are you on? I told you, you should never try smoking."

"listen, I'm serious." Your hands found their way to her shoulders, an attempt to make her carefully listen to you. "I received his blessings, and since I'm blessed and you're my friend, it means you can be too."

If she wasn't sober right now, maybe she would have taken you a little bit more seriously.

"friend?" Her voice carried genuine surprise; she realized she forgot to ask you what you both were after last night.

"so I would be cursed if I happened to be your girlfriend?" She tried to hide her genuine surprise with sarcasm and get a possible hint from you.

Her delusional side convinced her you were her soon-to-be girlfriend, that you followed her around because you loved her, and that your love language was annoying her,secretly liking the way she looks when you succeeded.

"what? no, I mean—my point is..." Ellie's heart felt less heavy seeing you avoiding eye contact suddenly, her lips curving into a proud smile knowing the effects she had on you. "I'll help you find the founder of your gang. I can also sew your gang's name on your jacket sleeve."

At first, she didn't know why. But the pieces of the puzzle started to connect together as she realized she was your only friend.

"you don't have to look for some designer to do it for you," you continued.

It was like playing baseball with her being good at throwing the ball and you not knowing how to properly catch it.

When Ellie was openly affectionate to you, you didn't know how to receive it.

Ellie smiled a bit. "Are you sure you don't mind doing it? I mean...no pressure, okay?"

How could you know how to receive love when you didn't even know what it was to begin with?

Your parents separated when you hadn't even hit puberty, and no amount of romance novels could make up for the lack of experience of a strong and passionate bond between people in love.

For this reason, you never truly knew what that feeling was.

To make things worse, whenever you felt yourself falling for something close to love, you would unforgivingly push it and the person involved away.

Even though your mom had cheated on your father, she was still the one who had welcomed you to this world. The guilt has never left you when you chose to live with your dad over your mom, although he was a good and loving person.

You couldn't put a face onto the word 'love,' and it gradually became meaningless to you, an unfamiliar word you'd come across when flipping pages in a dictionary. But as time went by, you had rediscovered it and put clothes onto it that were also the definition of your happiness.

"I want to do it for you," you smiled back.

But if all of this was in a book, Ellie would be the major plot twist. Her definition of happiness was short and precise: you.

Ellie reached her hand out to take yours, giving it a gentle squeeze. " 'kay, if you're in, you have to promise me something."

Love hurts when one-sided. If her definition of happiness was you, she had to change your definition of happiness and add herself in it too.

If you've never learned how to receive affection, that's okay. She'd proudly volunteer to teach you and only you.

"promise me," her eyes bore into yours expectantly, "that you'll never leave me."

Because, from you, she's learned that it wasn't impossible for love to go with happiness and that pain could step out of their business.

At least, that's how she felt about you.

"of course, I promise." You stuck out your pinkie, but to your surprise, Ellie didn't.

Instead, she wrapped her arms around you before pulling you into her embrace.

Your warm hearts beat faster in sync by the second, exploding in affection.

Except Ellie's heart missed a beat when you hugged her back. She never knew she needed it until now.

Her hair smelled like vanilla, and her body felt so warm against yours.

Both of you stayed like that for God knows how long. You had lost the notion of time, and it was the least of your concerns at this moment.

Her arms were over your shoulder, a sign that she deeply trusted you.

Pulling you out of your reverie, a red Suzuki Wagon drove past the both of you. Your arms stayed on hers for a little longer, an unspoken and double-meaning promise that you'd never let her go even if she did.

It seemed the car came from the same place you both were, meaning you weren't totally lost.

So after turning on your heels, both of you started to walk your way out of the unknown avenue, hand in hand.

In the end, everything turned out fine, and you soon found your way back to Tokyo.

This time,despite the comfortable silence it was ellies mind who couldnt keep quiet.

Her giddy smile not leaving her face ever since she wrapped her arms around you,as well as the warmth in her heart.

For how long will she able to keep her feelings locked in her heart?

Though your hug meant an unbreakable promise bonding you two,she hoped it also meant something more.

She cleared her throat,when you both stopped at the train station,it was surprisingly sparse of people for such a busy time.

"so like...you have a thing for tall guys or...?"

The sight of the tall man holding your bonnet in admiration and you fainting right after this flashed before your eyes"oh my god shut up"you retorted,rolling your eyes at her whose eyes shortly sparkled with hope.

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This time, despite the comfortable silence, it was Ellie’s mind that couldn’t keep quiet. Her giddy smile hadn’t left her face ever since she wrapped her arms around you, and warmth filled her heart.

For how long would she be able to keep her feelings locked away?

Though your hug symbolized an unbreakable promise bonding you two, she hoped it also meant something more.

She cleared her throat as you both stopped at the train station, surprisingly sparse of people for such a busy time. “so like… do you have a thing for tall guys or…?”

The sight of the tall man holding your bonnet in admiration, and you fainting right after, flashed before your eyes. “oh my god, shut up,” you retorted, rolling your eyes at her, whose eyes shortly sparkled with hope.

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“…but still… you’ve never fainted like that when you first saw me.”

After stopping at Joel’s to drop off what you had bought before, both you and Ellie returned to your house, which was quieter than usual.

Your empty schedule became busy in the blink of an eye. With a brand new simple white dress needing final touches and the famous gang name to sew in under three days, there wasn’t a single second to waste. Not to mention that traveling across the country to find the mysterious gang founder was also on your ambitious list.

“why would I?”

Turning your attention away from the jacket sleeve, your eyes shifted to Ellie instead.

“maybe 'cause I carry a tremendous amount of swagger like nobody else can in this world,” her voice sarcastically filled with confidence. She said this like it was an obvious fact, and you couldn’t really disagree.

Someone who clearly doesn’t know what they’re doing but lets themselves be guided by adrenaline and curiosity. Someone who doesn’t mind taking risks as if their life could be restarted by passing a video game checkpoint. Someone who didn’t mind getting lost in the most unknown places as long as it was with you.

As much as you tried to think, no words could perfectly describe Ellie’s unequaled aura.

But you weren’t going to let her know that, not when you liked teasing her so much. “you’re still not the CEO of Baby, the Stars Shine Bright.”

“you’re right,” she started before looking away, gathering inspiration from her heart. “But I’m the CEO of making you smile.” You proved her point as your lips immediately curved into one, as if her words put a spell on you.

“It shines brighter than any star too,” she added with a playful wink, mentally cheering for having the courage to compliment you. It was a small, yet hopefully significant, step forward in what you both had.

Her words flew straight to your heart, coloring it red because of the blood but also because of your newborn love.

The transition from liking to loving Ellie had started the night you spent stargazing with her.

And now you could no longer carelessly brush off her flirtiness, not anymore.

Her compliments were seriously starting to make you feel things.

Ellie’s eyes didn’t miss yours trying to push away the effects she had on you.

“did you train yourself in the mirror say this one too?” you asked.

It seemed you dodged Cupid’s bow again. “why? Is it a crime to be a natural flirt?”

“It’s far from natural; it almost sounded scripted.” your voice dripping with sarcasm as usual

The truth is if you followed her, borrowing the path of truth, you’d end up either literally confessing your feelings or shyly stammering on your words and making her childish smirk come back.

And above all, teasing was more fun.

“your reaction didn’t seem like it followed a script though,” a soft chuckle followed her words. Before you could turn back your attention to the dress in front of you, she reached her hands out of her pockets to direct your turning chair towards her. “I think you just can’t flirt back, so you talk shit. Just admit I’m a smooth talker and you like it. It doesn’t hurt.”

There was a small gap between you, and when you turned to look at Ellie’s face, her kissable lips formed a smirk and her eyebrows waggled together.

Her sudden proximity made time stop, and the soft music playing in the background faded as you felt your heartbeat getting louder.

An unfamiliar feeling bubbled up in your stomach, something that seemed ready to explode as her gaze on you intensified.

Your body reacted before your mind, and her chest met your hand. Ellie understood she would cross the line if she leaned closer.

You kept her eyes on hers. "it does.it hurts my ego and pride." Ellie obviously understood your sarcasm—not because it's part of your nature, but because she also paints her buried feelings with jokes.

She took a few steps back before you could add another layer of satire, her eyes not leaving yours even when they looked away from hers.

"but objectively speaking, you're charming with your words."The honesty contrasting with your previous words made her snicker.

Today, at 5:36 pm, an hour when she usually lets herself be consumed by boredom, a new memory was engraved in her mind, and she wouldn't forget to write it down in her journal once back home.

Her heart would swell with joy as she'd quoe you calling her charming. Her stomach would birth butterflies as she'd remember this compliment coming from a pretty face.

But with a closed mouth to keep quiet and not make Joel think she'd gone crazy. Even though that was kind of the case.

"shut up, that's nothing but objective." Ellie scratched the back of her head, being the one avoiding eye contact now that your eyes peered at hers.

"don't your friends think the same when you flirt like that?" A natural flirter, smart and beautiful, kicking ass to do justice—to you, Ellie was an all-in-one, and you wouldn't be surprised to learn that she made other girls feel special too.

That you were just, hopefully not, one of her other friends.

"I don't flirt with them."

Whether it was the truth or a lie, a part of you wanted to believe her anyway. Maybe that was another effect, a result of her irresistible charm.

☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°

Overthinking was one of your worst habits, controlling your mind and replaying your most embarrassing conversations on a loop.

The best way you could have replied to Ellie complimenting your smile could have been simply thanking her and returning the compliment.

WHY DID YOU NOT THINK ABOUT THIS EARLIER?

You wanted to hide your face in your hands as unanswered 'whys' and 'hows' progressively took over your mind.

It felt like losing the 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' game over the most evident and unmistakable question.

Except you weren't losing money but Ellie's interest, but that's just what you thought.

Suddenly, the same girl you've been thinking about spoke up again. Ellie's voice was a remedy to your overthinking; it was seemingly curious since a hint of interest influenced her tone. "do you ever look at guys and get... i dont know, like you find them so attractive you want to hug and everything... maybe ki-'

With a swift move, you pulled one thread out of Ellie's jacket sleeve. The details on the dress were unfinished; switching up between sewing the jacket sleeve and the dress so you could finish them both by your deadline was much smarter and also because doing repetitive things bored you.

After hearing her words and the mention of men, you stopped sewing for a second. "ew, why?'

"just asking"she snickered when your first reaction was disgust.

He appeared again. The man selling most of the clothes you had in your closet. The same man who praised your job at embroidery and who now wanted you to work with him. You physically shook your head to mentally shake the thoughts of him away.

"I'm not into him, okay? It just felt like meeting a celebrity; it's hard to control your emotions,"you clarified. You loved his work, not him.

"but in general? does it ever... happen? Idk how to make it not sound weird" Ellie started to fidget with her fingers, her black nails painted by you. Her mind took her back to yesterday again when she'd admire you whenever your sparkling eyes were fixated on the moon, wishing you were thinking about her too.

"it sounds weird no matter how you put it. But no, I guess puberty came late to me."

" 'mkay."

Before turning your attention back to her jacket sleeve, you caught Ellie nodding, putting her hands back in her pockets casually, turning her face away to forcefully stop her lips from forming a smile.

For the first time in her life, she believed in luck.

"you?" The initial of Ellie's gang name started to take form as you repeatedly pulled the golden yellow thread in and out of the fabric.

"ew, no, I'm not interested either. Just thinking about it grosses me out."Her brutally honest answer made you chuckle softly; you weren't that much different after all.

"really? Even if I was a man?"you joked.

"yeah, plus you couldn't even get to wear those dresses and stuff. Just seeing you wearing formal clothes to fit in with everyone else would feel weird."

She tried to imagine you wearing casual clothes or anything not extravagant in general, and you laughed at her unpleasant expression.

"that's funny to think I'd finally look normal for some people,"you said between laughs, and Ellie joined you in your laughter.

Now that you think about it, it was a pretty rare occurrence for you to wear something other than lolita clothes.

You paused and put the needle down before turning to Ellie.

"do you want to see how I used to dress before? It doesn't look that weird, trust me."

After last night, the magical night you spent over at Ellie's, you can officially say things changed.

Your past self would definitely not recognize you now for trusting someone enough to have the courage to show a different version of yourself.

"my brain does that thing when it erases traumatic memories, so you're fine."you rolled your eyes at her teasing tone, her jokes getting more creative as time went by.

"that was backhanded, wasn't it?"

Ellie shrugged her shoulders as she smirked, her impatience growing stronger as she followed you out of your room.

"whatever helps you sleep at night.'"

In the corridor, you slid open a door, keeping the boxes of furniture inside, and tipped onto your toes to reach the medium cardboard box

The dust that had accumulated on top of it over the years, quickly flew away as you brushed it off, before opening what had been closed for God knows how long.

The "you" that was once buried to give birth to the "you" now resurfaced.

Ellie grabbed a few pictures before you could change your mind.

Smiling and chuckling at how different you looked compared to now, she carefully scanned all the pictures in front of her, noticing one thing that had never changed.

"I gotta say... you still look so fucking cute."

Your brain stopped functioning at her words.

Her eyes darted from the pictures to yours, not really expecting you to respond to her compliments, just admiring your flustered reaction.

You tried to think of a response that wouldn’t make you cringe when you overthought it later.

Those words, coming from someone infinitely prettier, whose eyes regarded you like you were a masterpiece belonging in a museum, whose arms made you feel like home, held significantly deeper and more impactful meaning. It was as if Ellie knew what she was doing to you and wanted your heart to explode just for her.

To her, it was just a matter of time before you completely let yourself fall for her, unaware that it was already the case.

"thanks,you’re cuter though," you smiled back at her.

But if time really isn't real, then she would learn to be patient, knowing you'd be timeless.

☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°

It was Ellie's turn to sleep over at your house.

Despite wanting to stay awake a little longer, both of you found yourselves surrendering to unconsciousness faster than last time.

Imaginations and dreams enveloped your restless minds, quieting them down.

The smell of breakfast was more effective than an alarm clock at waking you up.

Your body was as cold as the inside of a fridge since Ellie kept unconsciously pulling the covers over her.

After warming up with some tea and filling your stomach with fluffy pancakes, you and Ellie continued with your day separately.

After spending two full days with her, her sudden absence felt strange, but you decided to put this feeling aside and focus on your new job to avoid having a wallet as empty as Ellie’s absence.

Sewing fabrics here and there to train yourself before working on the actual dress and jacket sleeve.

Walking back and forth around your room thoughtfully.

You spent most of your time sighing in frustration, as creativity refused to show up at your door.

Staring at the unfinished project in front of you, without new ideas in mind, began to take an awful toll on you.

Roses, tulips, and other flowers floated in your thoughts.

If there was one thing you wished for right now, it would be for your imagination to be as abundant as the richness of nature.

So, you ventured closer to nature and away from your trapped thoughts, wandering aimlessly around the nearest park while trying to empty your mind and let creativity flow naturally.

After a while, with plenty of walking and silent contemplation, your watch ticked to 5 PM. It was almost evening, but the sun was still shining in the sky, illuminating the blue lake beside you.

Ellie once told you that the reason the sea looks blue is because of the reflection of the sky.

A few ducks flew above the water before landing.

Some ducks swam in another direction, leaving two of their companions alone. They didn’t seem to mind the others had left, focused on swimming their own path, just the two of them.

Eventually, you dragged your feet out of the park, leaving your energy behind. A place as energizing as nature had unexpectedly drained you because no matter what you did, you always thought of her.

Whether she was around or not, Ellie lived in your mind rent-free.

When you contemplated the sky,the moon wasn’t out yet, so you stole one last glance at the lake.

Maybe you shouldn’t give up now; doing so would mean your entire day would have gone to waste.

Not to mention,facing complaints instead of praises from the CEO of your favorite shop would surely tear your heart into pieces.

So you called her.

You took your phone and dialed her number, biting your lip in hope she would respond.

Desperation was overpowering you, and Ellie clearly noticed it.

“what’s wrong?” her voice slightly modified by her phone.

A moment of silence passed as you repeated in your head what you wanted to say.

"everything,” you look pitiful.

“nothing,” you're wasting her time.

“are you busy right now?” just go straight to the point.

“I miss you,” too honest.

Ellie patiently waited for you to speak up, leaning her arms on the railing of the bridge, eyes peering at the lake while inhaling deeply.

“I need your help.”

Her eyebrows instantly furrowed in worry; you usually tried to handle things on your own, and it was unusual for you to directly ask for her help. “where are you?”

You had been wandering away from the park for so long that you didn’t even realize where you were heading. The area you found yourself in was sparse of people, resembling an abandoned train station with overgrown herbs on the rails.

When you sat on a bench, you heard an engine roaring toward you.

Ellie saw you alone on the bench, and your face instantly beamed at the sight of her arrival.

She parked her motorcycle next to the entrance of the train station and carefully crossed the rails, making her way to you.

“I’m away for one day, and you’re already missing me?”

You didn’t even have the energy to roll your eyes at her cocky smile; her words were harshly true.

Suddenly, the temperature began to cool down, signaling that evening was approaching. Ellie locked eyes with you, intently listening as you ranted about your struggles with creativity. As an artist herself, she thought of creativity like a battery that often needed recharging.

The thing was, Ellie was your recharger. Talking with her and spending time together felt like a mental cleanse, refreshing your mind. Her absence felt so unfamiliar to both your heart and your brain.

Asking for her help made her smile blissfully, unable to describe how happy she felt to spend time with you again.

Without hesitation, she took your hand right after you finished your monologue, bringing you to a familiar place—the one holding your best memories. Among them, searching for your bag with Ellie was your favorite so far.

So far, because you believed the future held even more thrilling and joyful memories with her.

Most of the stores still had the "open" sign in their showcases, including "Baby, the Stars Shine Bright."

Unexpectedly, you refused to let your inspiration come from the clothing brand you were now working for.

"You said you're on a creativity block," Ellie said, her confused eyes meeting your self-assured ones.

The CEO of this brand had praised your work for its originality, something he had never seen before. "exactly, so we need to think outside the box."

To keep satisfying him and his expectations, you decided to remain on the same path, coming up with unimaginable and creative patterns.

The puzzles instantly assembled, forming a clear image of understanding in Ellie’s head, your words failing to prevent her from holding back her laughter.

You were picking up the same sarcasm as her.

"My jokes are better."

Clothing shop after clothing shop, going from bright to dark areas, and the excessive bright lighting contrasting with the dark hues of the blue sky outside, was overstimulating Ellie’s mind.

But she kept dragging her feet to follow you around.

You could tell her anything, and she would do it without a second thought.

So that’s what happened.

The faltering and desperate look in your eyes disappeared, replaced by bright sparkles and dilated pupils as you rummaged through the clothes.

Your imagination started to paint Ellie wearing the type of clothes you had grown fond of—clothes she would never dare to wear, not because they weren’t aesthetically pleasing, but because she thought she wouldn’t look good in them.

Yet here she was, looking at your cheeky smile as you scanned her in an extravagant lolita dress you pleaded her to try.

There was no doubt you felt immensely proud to make her wear lolita clothes.

To you, Ellie was still the cutest human being you’d ever seen; the lolita dresses only enhanced her cuteness, something she strongly disagreed with.

Sensing your eyes admiring her, adding makeup felt unnecessary with her naturally blushed cheeks.

A sudden urge to squish them in your hands settled in your core.

Ellie’s face reddened even more when her cold cheeks met your warm hands, unable to ignore the temptation.

"you’re so—" you started, but Ellie immediately cut you off, her gaze dropping to the floor, embarrassed.

"don't say it."

She knew what you were about to call her; it was the complete opposite of the image she wanted to project—a thick wall of intimidating and cold exterior she had spent years building.

Yet in just a few days, she’d allowed herself to let her guard down. This wall, carefully constructed to give her a good reputation among her acquaintances, felt totally useless around you.

"alright," you retreated your hands and let out a giggle.

It was like a fierce missile flying right at this thick wall, crumbling it down with such ease, allowing her to be cheeky, goofy, flirtatious, embarrassed, flustered, happy, and in love—allowing her to be who she truly was.

☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°

What is the common point in Ellie's loving smile, the stars at night, and her making you the happiest being on Earth?

It all puts sparkles in your eyes.

The inspiration you had difficulty finding found its way back to you like a lost pet, except it always came from one person and the things that made you think of her—which was a blessing when she was present but a curse in her absence.

So you desperately hoped this night would never end. It became a message the universe was now used to getting because when the clock ticks morning, that's when the magic ends.

And you wouldn't be peering at the horizon ahead of you anymore, sitting behind Ellie as she focused on driving across the city lights. Your mind filtering out her friends driving with you at midnight, only caring about the person you were holding in your arms, trying to bring her what she brought you: comfort.

To your surprise, this dreamlike feeling repeated itself again when you woke up with her in your arms once more. She wasn't listening to your heartbeat anymore, totally absorbed in whatever dreams she was in, so you decided to oversleep with her, hoping to appear in one of her dreams.

In one of her dreams, you and Ellie were traveling across the country on her motorcycle, often stopping at car stations when her gas was low and eating breakfast in local coffee shops working early in the morning.

Both of you were unstoppable, searching for the infamous founder of her gang, grabbing clues from door to door and heading to as many cities as you could.

Your world was so small until you hopped on Ellie's motorcycle and discovered new places, unfamiliar routes, and different types of vegetation.

Thinking back to the time you accepted to help Ellie, despite the bumpy and narrow path, today you didn't have any regrets.

Everything went smoothly. When exhaustion enveloped you, you would stay in a nearby hotel; when hunger crept its way into your stomach, you'd find a restaurant to fulfill your wishes; and when you needed more money for the road, you'd stop at the city casinos, always going for the pachinko machines.

But again, it was just a dream.

Refusing to let disappointment consume her as the alarm went off, Ellie quickly woke you up and got ready. The festival's date was approaching with big steps, and Ellie found the perfect partner to help her find Himeko.

Since the perfect partner was you, you threw away your usual routine for the next days, trying to make her dream come true.

Dreams and reality, when you're blessed with luck with many ups and rare downs, there's not a significant line separating dreams from reality. However, when reality turns to look somewhat closer to a nightmare than a dream, a dream is often an escape.

"Dream" is such a small word for its numerous meanings, but even if it can be a subjective term, both you and Ellie can agree that your current situation was progressively drifting away from the aspect of a dream.

"I can't," you said as your walk came to a halt, still holding Ellie's hand. If you could describe the word 'inseparable' in three words, you would say you and Ellie; however, it seemed circumstances were starting to change that.

"what? What do you mean?" She hoped she had heard it wrong, that the sound of engines and powerful winds had made her a bit deaf after traveling for two days.

"I can't go any further," you clarified, your eyes dropping to the floor.

"listen." Ellie's mind froze for a second; your expression was unreadable to her. You were just lacking a bit of sleep, tired, maybe a little demotivated, right? "we've come a long way, to Tokyo, down to Yokohama, just you and me alone. In just what, two days... we already have a clear destination, and it's not like people don't know her at all..."

She gently squeezed your hand, a gesture that always brought your eyes back to hers. "I'm sure we'll gather more clues on our way there. Just trust the process... trust me. I promise we'll find her soon enough."

Even when you tried to seek comfort in her words, your mind wasnt set on it, not after what happened in the last casino you stepped foot in. "I literally gambled all of my money away."

Noticing the exhaustion in your voice, Ellie reassured you, lifting your chin up to hers. Both of you had already talked about this. "You're not gonna be broke... I can lend you some, y'know it's not a problem."

You went silent, and Ellie concluded it as the end of the discussion.

She didn't want to stop here, not now, when you were midway to reach your destination, so close to finally make her dream come true.

But when you gently pushed her hand off your chin, she sensed this situation was more complicated than she had expected.

"you don't understand..."

It's when Ellie was brought closer to her dream that she would get pulled back into harsh reality, something closer to a nightmare now that she felt that you were going to break her promise.

[kawaiichibiart]

Back to this:

I really need more people to consider AdriBat and Wonder/AmazonMari.

Of the four main batboys (Dick, Jason, Tim and Damian) Marinette gets along the best with Jason and Tim, while Adrien gets along the best with Dick and Damian, no one really gets why or how.

If Selina hadn't called dibs first, Bruce would have claimed Adrien for the BatFam. Sorry Bruce, blondie's part of the Gotham City Sirens. Besides, isn't Marinette more up your alley? She fits the look.

Diana checks in on Marinette weekly. While she can't always be around to help train her, she's grown attached to the ladybug miraculous holder.

Marinette, turning on a lamp as Adrien sneaks into their shared hotel room via a window: Where were you?? Adrien, returning from another fun night with Catwoman, caught red-handed: I was with Damian!! Damian, turning on the other lamp: Try again.

Marinette and Adrien both spend a lot of time with Alfred in the kitchen. It's a safe zone for both of them, with Marinette sometimes baking alongside him and Adrien learning from them.

You bet your ass Paris finds out about Chat Noir's new favorite hobby (random Parisian: so you think Chat Noir will actually steal the Mona Lisa? Different Parisian: *thinking about it*...nah, but if my limited edition, glow in the dark, Cosmobug goes missing, I'm betting it's him *several weeks later* Different Parisian: CHAT NOIR STOLE MY LIMITED EDITION GLOW IN THE DARK COSMOBUG!!! I KNOW BECAUSE HE POSTED A SELFIE ABOUT IT!! *holds up phone that indeed shows a selfie of Chat Noir holding a limited edition glow in the dark Cosmobug with the caption "it's mine now sucker :3").

↑ It's the first thing Marinette sees when she checks the Ladyblog for potential akumas in case she has to teleport herself and Adrien back to Paris via Pegabug when they're back in Gotham. Yeah, she is not happy (Marinette: YOU HAD ONE, O N E, JOB!! MY KITTY'S A THIEF!!).

Harley definitely sits Marinette down and talks with her about healthy relationships. It's something the younger girl had mentioned that Harley knew she could help out with. After all, her past relationship with the Joker wasn't exactly private. And while she didn't think Marinette would ever become who she was back then, Harley is willing to sit down with her and give her any advice she needs to ensure her future relationships are healthy.

There are arguments over some of the costumes. Mainly between Marinette and Damian. If Adrien's around (meaning he's not stealing shit again) he'll just join the rest of the Batboys and Batgirls, and just watch the two of them go at it like tennis match.

Jason takes both of them to a rage room. Jason: You said you couldn't feel negative emotions or some shit like that because of that butterfly fucker, right? Have at it. Enjoy breaking shit. Scream. Cry. Let it out. What's he gonna do? Show up? Good. I'll shoot him...right in the- Marinette: DON'T YOU DARE FINISH THAT!!

Adrien totally considers having the Bats take in Felix after he becomes Argos. For no other reason than: he's a bird. The Robins are birds. It makes sense.

If we go with the whole "class visits Gotham" thing, they're either already in Gotham when their class comes to visit, or had just returned to Paris only to go back to Gotham.

↑ No one is sure what's more surprising: Marinette knowing the Wayne's on a personal level, to the point she can argue with the youngest and not get in trouble or Adrien apparently having a room in Harley Quinn's and Poison Ivy's apartment.

[soshadysoquiet]

TUA S4 Concerns *some spoilers for what's been teased so far*

So I'm concerned about Season 4. I want to be hopeful, but I am concerned. C o n c e r n e d.

It's short. There's bits in TUA that I don't personally enjoy as much and skip, there's bits that could have been taken out and nothing would have changed... but I like having that bit of room for more: did we need the Ikea Mafia's viking foot funeral? No. But did we need it? Yes.

The ball pit. The ball pit concerns me on a number of levels, and I'm sure it will be funny, I hope it will be funny, I just hope it's relevant enough why they're in that setting to not be too gimmicky, e.g. it made sense they ended up in the bowling alley; they probably snuck out there as kids and so it was one location they would all know, but man that ball pit worries me like a sleep paralysis demon.

The potential for germaphobe Klaus (sorry that's probs not the correct term but I can't think of what it might be). I can see why he'd be afraid of death now, but is it germ/cleanliness specific? If so why? Klaus has been one of the least concerned about hygiene up to this point so they're laying a whole new framework that I hope they give sufficient depth to. I'm an OCD sufferer myself, about death anxiety in fact, and I haven't resonated OCD with Klaus before if that is what they go for - I'm open to it, just not a cheap OCD gimmick. There's So Much trauma in all these characters at this point, my worry isn't them exploring new avenues as much as not bothering to look into the trauma they've already heaped on and doing something new for the sake of it. If it's done well, I'm all for it, but there's some previous with trauma getting forgotten on TUA so...

The Jennifer Incident. Please, please let this be more interesting than a romance story.

Lila's baby. I love Lila, I don't have a problem with her being preggo etc, I worry a little that TUA tends to speed run life so what is this actually going to look like? Parenthood is such a big life changing deal that I'm curious / cautious about what they'll have done with the characters here.

Viktor. His schtick is that He's Mr Apocalypse, sadly that limits his character coming to a place of peace in some ways. But mostly just let him have an actual conversation? Please? He'll have had 6 years this time skip, if they bullshit that 'oh no one's really seen each other in 6 years' lazy ass nonsense I'll be fuming.

As above, there's been 6 YEARS here, I want to watch the characters and feel that time has passed, that they've interacted, have in jokes now, shared history, maybe not all of them but that makes it even better; have Diego and Klaus have a cleaning routine together to help Diego understand Klaus and trying to be supportive if brusque, but then defending this to his other siblings. Have Luther share some actually positive moments with his other siblings and not just have been in Sloane-hunting solitude, make him always be trying to host awkward family BBQs that the others force (or pretend to force) themselves to go to. Have literally any of the siblings be on the look out or Five's triggers for him - and better yet actually give him some now that he's had time for the PTSD to swell. I want the small nitty gritty details, I want the filling, I want to feel the expanse of time not just 'oh shit another week and there's an apocalypse and we haven't seen each other hey ho oh look a ball pit!'

Anyway, I'm hopeful, but concerned, and I'm sure I'll love it and don't intend to be negative, it just helps me to voice them. Either way, I pray for the fan fiction that follows the series most of all, the rising of the crowd to give us more of what the series does deliver and flesh out what it does not. Is it weird to almost be more excited for that?

[azrielgreen]

Do you ever worry that writing dead dove fic could negatively impact your writing career in the future? I'm kind of struggling with this, I've seen so many authors careers ruined by doing much less "problematic" things than writing non-con in a fic. I'd be devastated if by some miracle I managed to write a book that actually got popular just to be canceled by someone digging up my fanfic. From what I've seen the book community is even more harsh than fandom, there's no nuance or room for discussion whatsoever, when the hammer falls that's it and no one wants to be seen as being on the wrong side so they won't read your book. I don't want to limit myself creatively or have to be secretive and paranoid, I'm here to make friends, but I also don't want to shoot myself in the foot. I'm just curious if you've thought about how you'd handle a situation like that.

This is a really sad way of looking at things and I'm really sorry that the absolute state of fandom has people feeling so down and so heavily policed.

I don't ever worry about this.

One of the first messages I ever got about 'You're Divine' was someone telling me that it meant so much to them that I was open about who I am and upfront about writing fic because it made them believe one day a fanfic writer might break into the publishing industry.

There are THOUSANDS of professional writers who also write fanfic, many who are very open about it. I will be one of them.

This Dead Dove "Panic" isn't new, it comes and goes. This discourse is old as shit and just about as interesting to anyone except the people who are eagerly learning puritanical ways to bully and harass.

I always write for myself. I write what I want, how i want and I will share that with the people who want to read for it for as long as I can. I will content warn and create as many safe barriers for readers as I can. I will always write with empathy and nuance and authentic curiosity and i will always stay open to the changes i can make to be more open minded, more inclusive, to broaden my horizons and explore with an open heart.

I will not censor myself.

I will not stand on a pedestal and loudly decry others to detract attention from myself and my own works.

I will not stand for bullying and I will NOT quieten my literary voice because there are those who think that depicting rape is endorsing rape. I won't bow to those who seek to remove the context every single time and I will never bow to purity culture.

If I sell 10 books in my life, I'll know that's 10 people who really wanted to read my work and they did. That's amazing to me.

I have nothing but respect for those who choose to shield their identity, who write with pseuds, who protect themselves.

But if I can make one fucking person feel better about themselves and their interests, about writing darker material... if i can make ONE person feel unashamed and confident enough to write what they want to, then that'll be worth everything.

I'm always going to write what I want and publishing will be the same. I have no intention of watering myself down for mainstream approval.

The literary world cannot be made up of only ONE type of story. It cannot be censored. It must not be purified and sanctified. Some stories are ugly. Shocking. Horrifying. Brutal. Provocative. The expanse of human emotion of vast and complex. As humans, we sometimes have a need to experience complex, ugly emotions within a framed narrative of safety. We read and we write for so much MORE than moral virtue signalling. It's tiring to see some of the most important stories being blanket labelled as "problematic" just for existing. To see people ignore warnings and context and thoughtlessly embodying the modern puritan.

I'll never stop being who I am and writing for myself. Everything else is secondary. Once you start writing for other people, bowing to purity culture, diluting yourself... it's already over.

Fuck that.

Love, Az.

💜💜💜

[hexhomos]

I'm sorry if you've been asked this before but what are your thoughts about Arcane potentially being canon? I do not like it.

And if you don't mind answering another question, how do you feel about the way people sort of interpret Jayce and Viktor?

I don't think it's a good idea and it strips away many of the interesting things about these characters and the *universe's story as a whole* to exclusively represent the simplified, time-limited version of events that could fit the runtime of a TV show.

I've been asked this before and I always say this: Arcane is the MCU version of league lore; with the same strengths (improved visuals, the fast pacing of a cinematographic adaptation) and same biggest weaknesses (flimsy story summarizations that sacrifice a lot of the compelling narrative and kill entire characters)

I've been a comic fan for nearly as long as the MCU has been viral and I can tell you every attempt to retcon MCU events into the estabilished comic universe has not worked. It has the opposite effect of interrupting character arcs and stories people actually like and undoing pre-estabilished facts about the magic of the universe, driving away fans of the original medium while failing to attract the new movie/tv-show audience to check out the original, because those are completely different demographics.

It's even worse with Arcane, as we already KNOW one big joke in the fanbase is "even if you like the show, dont play the game. It's stupid bigoted redditor shit and it sucks" - there's an entire genre of arcane fan accounts who are militant about not playing the game and encourage others to never play the game. I don't think league's execs understand this, though, which is why we are seeing this current trend of a DRASTIC pullback in any and all lore-related content for league coming from higher-ups, and some of the old estabilished writers leaving the company while CEOs promise they're trying to find "an unified version of the narrative experience."

To stay on topic here and also answer your second question; ive rambled at length about jayce viktor interpretations in my meta tag. I reccomend you to look there! You'll notice i havent gone into specifics about what in arcane's narrative is weaker since its included on those.

I'd like to finish this post in another way though. In the long run, I don't think it matters that execs are trying to force narrative retcons despite the internal and external negative response to it. Fans will always like the specific thing they like, and in this scenario, start to define what versions of the universe/character they're talking about by release year or authorship, which is already happening in league. This is why the vikjayce codex exists and will not change, and this is why you see people using "2011/2016 lore" and "jayce giopara", etc.

Remember all these MCU retcons I mentioned? Whenever a movie is past its expiration date and the story element they tried to fit into original canon is considered a fad, it's just rewritten back to what it used to be. The newest marvel news this month is that CEOs decided to kill kamala khan ahead of her upcoming movie, as the MCU couldn't fit her signature elastigirl powers and they want to swap those out for the dumb purple magic the movies gave her instead. This will not last, as these never do. In 4 years she'll be back to normal, and in the meantime, elastigirl kamala will continue to exist in all her source books and videogames. The same way league's original bios are preserved and spin-off game content like the LOR comics or Convergence will continue to exist; I can't change any shortsighted decision from the CEOs, but fans as a whole have systems to define different universes and pick the version they like best.

Arcane has been called an AU by people who've worked in LoL's narrative, and is just the newest shiny thing. It is not "canon", as it never fit any part of the current game universe, and any future attempt to "make it canon" is just another permutation of an AU. I would encourage anyone who's nervous or anxious about retcons to not give a shit and disregard it altogether. If it doesn't work, you can always change it back.

[sharpth1ng]

Scream Wardrobe Hcs PT 4- Sidney Prescott

This is mostly based on her aesthetic in scream 1, it changes quite a lot after that (this is how I'm picturing her in debaser at least).

Mom Jeans

I'm not roasting her here, mid/high rise boot cut jeans were popular at the time and she looks hot in them

I'm thinking she goes for the levis 550 or 560

2. Overalls

I know for a fact that she has at least 2 pairs of these, she's a lesbian come on. Bonus, later in life she'll wear them with a bandana.

Also fml imagine how cute she would be in the oversize dickies ones (to the left) I can't

also idk why but these seem like final girl threads

3. A collection of cozy swearters from places like GAP, FILA and Tommy Hilfiger

Sid and Billy both have a GAP sweater that they pull down over their hands because thats what you do when you're closeted apparently

She mostly goes for lighter blues, purples and pinks

4. 90's girl brands like dELiA's (yes thats how the brand capitalized their name??) and Limited Too

She definitely used to go through the dELiA's catalogue with her mom to pick out back to school clothes every year (ok I made myself sad)

She wears a lot of high neck t-shirts and tank tops, plus some of those matching shirt+cardigan combos they used to sell

5. Corduroy and Denim Jackets

She hasn't upgraded to her final girl leather yet but omg look how cute the corduroy is

She always has chaptick and a little pack of tissues in the pockets and she will offer you some tissues if she sees you crying/sniffling

6. Hand me-downs from Tatum

Tatum likes to dress her up for parties and then decides she likes her clothing better on Sid so she just gives it to her

Every time this happens Sid is equally as embarrassed and flattered and constantly ends up doing that little look down/hair tuck thing she does

Sid would never have picked these out for herself but they do make her feel cool

Also these are both from dELiA's

7. Classic White Adidas & Leather boots

Pretty sure the boots are the Steve Maddens she wears in the movie and tbh I'm obsessed, she's ready to kick shit already, she's a beautiful butterfly waiting to emerge from her cocoon and kill her ex.

I like to imagine that she wasn't sure about buying them but Tatum hyped her up and they're her confidence boots now

But also my girl loves a white trainer, I think she's been wearing these forever and just always buys a new pair when they wear out. They're comfy but also cute and she's a practical girl.

8. Inexplicable grandma nightwear

sorry Sid, Billy was a gay bitch and he shouldn't have negged you like that but also WHAT IS THIS

Tatum thinks it's cute though

Why did I choose to pick out their underwear, I did it once so now I feel like I have to:

Sid is wearing fruit of the Loom briefs with her crisp white ankle socks and her grandma nightie and she will fucking kill you if you mess with her

More:

Randy

Billy

Stu

[storytimewithnova]

SMILE AT BETRAYAL

The ugly truth

Shoyo’s pov

I never felt welcome at Karasuno but i played dumb to it but i always knew what really made it true was today at the gym

I went for my normal practice session you know like I normally would and as i was about to go in i hear

“So when i are going to Kick him he is useless and he is bringing this team down the fact we have to pretend to like him really pisses me off”

“And i have to pretend to be his bf when i am dating kunimi what the hell”

“And having to be extra and yell noya every time he sees me god annoying”

While they were all backstabbing the three benchwarmers stood there till Ennoshita said you lot are disgusting backstabbing worse excuses for teammates what they didn’t know is i had already recorded it sent it to my childhood best friend atsumu i then tossed my jersey on the ground out side the gym door and ran to the principals office “sir i would like to be transferred with immediate effect” “why shoyo you are one of our brightest students here”

I played him the recording after he heard it he “said if that is what you wish where would you like to go and would you like the team to know” “ i want to go to Inairzaki and no don’t tell them anything as of apart from Enno kinoshita and Narita everyone else can go to hell see how the crows do without their wings but before i remove myself completely i am going to leave my last messages to them” “as you wish”

Bitter goodbye

In the crows gc

Sho🎵All my friends are toxic, all ambitionless So rude and always negative I need new friends, but it's not that quick and easy Oh, I'm drowning, let me breathe🎵

Kag’s thoughts 💭 there is no way he could've heard us

Enno: guess this your karma for being toxic assholes

Sho:🎵I'm better off all by myself though I'm feelin' kinda empty without somebody else Oh, I hear you cryin' out for help But you never showed for me when I was ringin' your cellphone Oh, you don't know how it feels to be alone Baby, oh, I'll make you know, I'll make you know, oh🎵

Noya: shoyo come on see it from our point of view

Sho:🎵But life is immaculate, backin' it up a bit Countin' my hours and knocking on wood Avoiding my opposites, chewin' on chocolate Had a bit limited time, but I should Be good for a minute, don't want to admit it I'm running on seconds, I'm rigid, I'm screwed Don't know what to do, I'm thinking of you I'm drinking up bottles and bottles of booze🎵

Enno: okay sho you have brought me to this I am doing it sorry you are scaring me now

Enno added oikawa

Oikawa: yahoo~

Enno: backread Tooru Ni

Oikawa backreads

Oikawa: what the fuck what did you do to my brother

Everyone: BROTHER?!

Enno: yep my cousin along with semi that how i knew

Noya’s thoughts 💭 shit we fucked up

Sho:🎵I'm better off all by myself

Though I'm feelin' kinda empty without somebody else Oh, I hear you cryin' out for help But you never showed for me when I was ringin' your cellphone Oh, you don't know how it feels to be alone Baby, oh, I'll make you know, I'll make you know, oh🎵

Oikawa: sho open your bedroom door now

Sho:🎵I fell into your river That's where you told me lies You said that I'd feel better But this is where good guys die You took my pride away, but You cannot take my life I'll find another way I'll wonder if you're takin' my life Don't you see how I...🎵

Oikawa: Bro don’t think about i will add atsumu and kita if you try anything

Sho:🎵I'm better off all by myself Though I'm feelin' kinda empty without somebody else Oh, I hear you cryin' out for help But you never showed for me when I was ringing' your cellphone Oh, you don't know how it feels to be alone Baby, oh, I'll make you know, I'll make you know, oh🎵

Enno: shoyo let me in at least

Enno heard dragging sounds and the click

Back in chat

Sho:🎵I'm better off all by myself Though I'm feelin' kinda empty without somebody else Oh, I hear you cryin' out for help But you never showed for me when I was ringin' your cellphone Oh, you don't know how it feels to be alone Baby, oh, I'll make you know, I'll make you know, oh🎵

Broken sun

Sho was on the floor with booze like he said and what looked too be broken glass and blood dripping from it enno ran to the door “Tooru Ni help call and ambulance or something” Tooru rushed in phone in had saw the sight of his brother and call and ambulance

They waited and patched him up the best they could as the ambulance arrive enno went to the main GC

In the Volley hoes GC

Enno: @ kita @Atsu

Everyone is online

Noya: enno

Enno: don’t talk to me none of you talk to me

Semi: Enno whats up

Enno its sho sho

Semi Sunshine is he okay

Enno: No you know what i’m just going to send Atsu Kita i am sorry for what you about to see blame my cruel teammates

Enno sends two attachments

Kita: say Syke Chickra right now

Enno: Sorry shin its real

Karasuno: ….

Oikawa: right now you go silent i listen to that recording my brother took you lot are disgusting

Kageyama: He recorded us?!

Narita: yep we knew he was there

Atsu: enno can i ask you something privately

Enno: Sure atsu….

Learning about the transfer

Private messages between atsu and enno (or so they thought)

Atsu: was it true he was transferring to our school

Enno: yes he wanted to surprise you and kita so how did you find out

Atsu: overheard the principal talking

Enno: apparently as soon as sho learnt of the team’s betrayal he tossed his jersey and went straight to the vice principal and ask to be transferred with immediate effect i am tempted to join him and go to Seijoh to be with cuz but right now i need to worry about Sho He is in ICU lord knows when we are going to hear anything

Oikawa: please come to Seijoh cuz we are alot more safter and we don’t make our players want to end their lives

Karasuno: ….

Semi: silent all of a sudden and suga I expected better from you not just a part of the mom squad but because you’re my twin brother you couldn’t even protect your own cousin what were you doing while all of this was going on

Suga: I’m sorry i didn’t want to be involved in their fight it's hard enough as it is watching Kags abuse sho everyday

Shoyo’s Life hangs in the Balance

“Hey sunshine it's shinsuke they finally let me and suna in if you can hear us

come back to us please we miss you”

“I miss you to I wish I could tell you that” i reach to touch kita he reacted by placing a hand where i touched so i did it again his reaction is the same he put his hand on mine its like we can almost feel each but we are on different plane of existence so close to tou h each other tet so out of reach to feel it and make the connection i then tried with suna caressing his check where his crying and didn’t realise same thing he reacted he turned to kita and asked “did you touch me” “ no but felt it as well like i was hugged from behind which is a sho think to do they both look at my body and kita spoke again and said she if you are around hug one of us from Behind”

I did i went to suna I hugged and suna moved his hands to where I was and said “hello sunshine come back soon”

“I promise I will wake up on your next visit”

Unwell visit from the Exes

Kags came he didn’t come alone he was visiting with the team to see shoyo and seeing the state he was in they wished they could have him back and have the team back the way it was they haven’t hit the stage of reget yet more guilt and kags said he wanted him back sho was watching laughing at how pitiful they look from where he was standing and he couldn’t wait to wake up and go to kita and suna and go to Inairzaki watching karasuno is beg and plead for me to come back to them not happening suckers i found someone and something that makes me happy that is love.

Sticking to a promise

I was determined to stick to that promise

I don’t care how i was getting back to Kita and suna I want that warmth and love that they show me please god let me wake up to kita and suna he kept begging to let him go back to his body to wake up to them there to hugging them I suddenly felt a tug and felt myself waking up just in time Kita and Suna walked in “sunshine” “Hi Shin Hi Rin i’m back sorry for the scare i also want to to join you guys school and i want to lyric prank my old team on the main GC”

“As you wish sunshine you want to do it now” “yes please can we Shin Rin and i love you both” “we love you too sunshine lets go”

In the Volley hoes GC

Sunshine is one

Noya: shoyo your back

Kita: like you and your team care go luv

Everyone:luv

Sho:🎵I've been keeping things inside Taking up space 'til I got someone I could open my mind up to I guess it worked pretty good 'til now But shit's kinda getting serious I think I'm running out of room🎵

Oikawa: is that why you always record and write things down

Sho:🎵Everyone's got someone built custom To give their darkness to I wish I had someone, could trust 'em But loyalty Don't come for free🎵

You have us now sunshine kita and rin said

Sho’s thoughts 💭 and I am so thankful

Sho:🎵Cause all my friends are fake, fake, fake, fake They just want me for the day, day until they don't🎵

Karasuno’s thoughts 💭 we made him feel like this we made him try and end his life we don't deserve him

Sho:🎵I stay up wondering What if I broke my legs? What if I changed my name? Would you still love me the same? Or are you just as fake? Like all my friends are fake Sorry if I got you wrong Didn't mean to judge you by your cover I've been burnt so many times It's hard to turn it off🎵

Kita: we would never be fake with you right boys

Everyone -Karasuno: right sho we love you too much for that

sho:🎵Everyone's got people they see through But I see through everyone So if you want me to believe you and need you Might take some time to recognize 'Cause all my friends are fake, fake, fake, fake They just want me for the day, day until they don't🎵

Kageyama: Boke hinata boke I love you okay I am sorry

Kita: sorry not sorry he doesn't want you or the wingless crows anymore the only reason the crows had wings was because of him he carried your team

Sho:🎵stay up wondering What if I broke my legs? What if I changed my name? Would you still love me the same? Or are you just as fake? Like all my friends are fake Sorry if I got you wrong Didn't mean to judge you by your cover I've been burnt so many times It's hard to turn it off🎵

Suna: I am going to find out when you can come home Sunshine

Sho:🎵All my friends are fake, fake, fake, fake They just want me for the day, day until they don't I stay up wondering What if I broke my legs? What if I changed my name? Would you still love me the same? Or are you just as fake? Like all my friends are fake Like all my friends are fake🎵 Sho finally gets let out of hospital and says Goodbye Karasuno

It is now a monday start of a new school week that hospital keep it him in for a few final checks before he was given the all clear that was when he said goodbye to Karasuno and Today is the day I finally do Inairzaki he had to go back to Karasuno to collect a few things and hand a few things in before offically signing out and leave Karasuno he turned to his boyfriends jumping in excitement I can't wait to be with you guys shinsuke Rintaro I am all packed up and ready to move in with you as well then we have to pack for a training camp which is what I am most excited about shinsuke and Rintaro looked at each other and and thought so we fixed the broken sunshine

[heartcal]

update 03.11.23 🕯

hey all,

i know i've been radio silent and i've fallen short on promises and whatnot, and i apologize for that.

heading into the new year, i wanted to ease my social media use for my own mental health. i've already limited my use on various sites and apps, some of which i've grown out of, and tumblr has been one of them.

since doing that, i've felt better about myself, and while not using tumblr (both this blog and my main) has been beneficial for me bettering my mental health, it has stayed in the back of my mind that i should've been updating more on this blog and at the very least try finishing the rejected series rewrite.

however, forcing myself to enter a state of mind to write when i cannot find the motivation or energy to do so makes my writing lackluster and, for better terms, terrible. i don't want to post something and constantly feel bad about it (i know i'll say something along the lines of me not being proud of a certain piece, or it's not my best, but oddly enough these do not count).

so with that being said, while i am still taking a step back from social media, i am NOT going to stop posting to this blog. it will be a few more weeks, at the very least, until the next part/preview of the next part comes out, but the series is not over nor is this blog going to end. :^)

while i do not have a set date for it, just know it is being worked on and edited, and should hopefully be up soon!

(rant under the cut -- if you don't want to read, you don't have to! if that's the case, i'll see y'all soon! ❤)

now, just going to put this here because it is alarming, the past few weeks have been draining for anyone on social media with a lot of negativity and people being bold and rude behind a keyboard. celebrities have essentially been forced off some social medias because people think they can talk as much shit as they want. that's absolutely abhorrent in my opinion. that's one of the reasons why i stepped back and limited my use.

i'm bringing this up in regards to a lot of hate both celebrities and non-celebrities have been getting over the years as social media has gotten popular to the point where people are just saying some of the most heinous things and posting whatever they feel with no regard to the person they're posting about. this could be someone at the gym, someone on the street, in a store, at school -- wherever. people have gotten way too comfortable posting whatever they want for clout and likes and it's at a point where it's dangerous.

do what you want online (as long as it's safe and doesn't endanger others), but for goodness sake be fucking kind and think about what you are about to post before doing so.

sorry for this rant but the constant hate trains online and major companies picking sides is genuinely sickening at this point.

anyway, if you read all this, thank you for listening to me babble and letting my silly brain talk <3 i'll be back soon!

[satoriberry]

Idk if you still take requests but can you please write suga, kuroo, suna, atsumu and iwa headcanons where they date a foreigner s/o please??!!?!??!���🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

↬ Currently growing: What they'd be like if their S/O is a foreigner AKA Non-Japanese!

↬ Pairings: Sugawara Koushi + Kuroo Tetsurou + Suna Rintarou + Miya atsumu x GN!Foreign!Reader

↬ Watch out for: SHITTY WRITING!! + Slightly suggestive in Kuroo's and Atsumi's ig, but other than that, enjoy! <3

↬ Berry's note: Woowoo, working on emptying inbox :> Im so sorry for only writing the first 4 boys, writer's block almost ended me but still thank you for sending in your request lovely anon!!

• Sugawara Koushi:

- IS EVERY INFATUATED!!!

- Don't get the wrong idea, he treats like a normal person but having a foreign person in rural Japan is such a cool idea to him.

- Asks a lot of questions before you two started dating, about your language, culture, traditions etc and all that stuff of you know about it.

- Asks yoh to teach him curse words (SORRY I SEE HIM SOING THAT LMAO). Uses Google translate if you dont agree to do it but butchers the words so bad 💔

- If anyone says anything weird about you, you bet your ass he's gonna be all up in their face like "AYO YOU'RE SAYING SHIT ABOUT MY S/O, BITCH? 🤨🤨👹"

- Talks about you a lot!!! The Karasuno Male Volleyball team knows everything about you, from your eye colour to how you sometimes have an accent when speaking Japanese and it's the cutest thing ever.

- When he introduces you to the team, the tyranny trio (Noya + Hinata + Tanaka) bombard you with questions.

- The entire time Sugawara is holding on to you by the waist like "They're so lovely, I know <3"

- If you're struggling with Japanese, he'll be so happy to teach you. He feels so special because YOU asked HIM of ALLLLLL people, to help you with Japanese. He likes being your #1 :]

- If you ever feel homesick, he asks you to talk about your experiences there and what you love the most as a way to be positive. Negativity begone! >:D

• Kuroo Tetsurou:

- Is very interested in you. Treats you like his test subject (I'm sorry-)

- This begins before you two started dating, when you were a newly arrived student at his school. He heard about you through Inouka during practice when he was all "Yeah, and the new student in class ___ is so nice. Apparently, they've been here for [insert time ig] blah blah blah blah" and Kuroo was like "New? Foreign??? Student??? AND NO ONE TOLD ME? HOW AM I GONNA MAKE MY COOL FIRST IMPRESSION???".

- The next day, he approaches in the most extra way (Thinks he's being cool, no he's not 🗿) which was funny to watch and it made you laugh. He felt proud because he didn't even speak yet and you're already laughing. He slowly speaks in Japanese because he assumes you don't know it (kinda like dory in finding nemo).

- There's two ways this could go. Either you respond in perfect Japanese which impresses him so much and he gets flustered by your pure coolness because omg wow you're bilingual??? Or, your Japanese is very limited/not bad but not the best with a very noticable accent, which he has such a soft spot for and he thinks you're so adorable.

- When you two are together, he gets so invested in your origins. Will ask you SO many things. Your family, language, random facts, music, food and a whole lot of stuff. He wants to show you he's very fond of you, and that means everything about you

-Tries to crack a joke in your language but somehow insults you and brings your family into it because GOOGLE TRANSLATE IS NOT RELIABLE!!!1!1!

- If you ever speak on the phone using your mother language, he'll find that hot. Not kidding. Like you could simply be talking to your mom and he'll just watch you with a red face and dopey smile like "Hehehe you're so gorgeous while doing that, are you trying to seduce me hehe <3" LIKE MF IM ASKING HER WHAT DINNER IS GONNA BE TONIGHT

- Omg omg, flirt with him in your first language. He will literally be speechless. At the beginning, he's confused because you're holding his hand with a smirk on your face and wait why is your voice tone so sugar-coated and wait fuck he doesn't understand what you're saying but it seems like you're flirting with him and- Literally do just that and he'll evaporate on the spot pls

- In conclusion, he's a simp 🙄🙄

• Suna Rintarou:

- We all know Suna for being the absolute (subtle) menace that he is. Mans isnt emotionless, he just waits for the best moments to express himself

- So when he learned that there was a foreign student among the school body, he decided it would be an awesome idea to learn a few phrases and speak to you

- But because he's an absolute dumbass, he used GOOGLE FUCKING TRANSLATE!!! >:/ So many words and phrases were off but he thought he was doing a good job (he recorded himself to see how good he looked and after watching he went, "goddamn, im this hot?? 😩")

- The next day he approached you looking as calm as he usually does but his hair was more tousled and his hands were in his pockets (calls its "canon AFX"). You were like "yes? :]" and the next few words that came out of his mouth were not a normal response

- His butchered pronunciation and inaccurate TRANSLATION TOOL caused him to say "So I learned you arrived in the mail to our school, right 😏?"

- You were genuinely so confused so you asked him to repeat himself again, but it got worse and you couldnt fucking handle the way he was so smug while blatantly addressing you as a parcel that got delivered to the school

- You started to laugh while clenching your stomach, and Suna realised that maybe GOOGLE TRANSLATE isn't the best way to learn a new language. He stood there awkwardly, mentally punching himself as you clung to your desk for support

- After you recovered, you introduced yourself in Japanese which wasn't something he expected. He did the same with his face heating up thinking of how embarrassing he was

- You two couldn't help getting closer and closer everyday, your entire friendship came to be after that....unique 😃 first meeting

- Though, your compatibility was so high that not developing stronger emotions towards each other was inevitable. Btw he was the one who asked you out and confessed (get a mans who invests in you <3)

- During the early stages of your relationship, he asks you random questions about yourself and everytime you answer, he makes sure you can see how focused he is

- Sometimes when you're passionately explaining something from your culture/childhood, he gazes at you with stars in his eyes and his face cracks a tiny smile

- Asks you to teach him cute nicknames and petnames in your language so he can save you as that on his phone (I LOVE THIS IDEA SO MUCH ☹)

- If anyone EVER makes a bitchy comment about you not being Japanese/makes you feel alienated, Sunarin will not hesitate to shittalk that bitch into tears.

- Probably takes language courses so he can talk with you and only you in your first language. Would only flirt tho LMAO

• Miya Atsumu:

- To him, you're the most perfect human

- Fell in love on the spot after talking to you for the first time. You had a slight accent when speaking and it added so much to your attractiveness to him

- Whenever you talk in your first language, he'll stare at you with stars in his eyes and his mouth slightly open wide. His mind doesn't understand how you can know more than 1 language (or 2, 3 etc) and he thinks that makes you even more cool

- Shows you off a LOT, especially around the volleyball team and they're so fascinated by you. Will rub the fact he has a partner in Osamu's face but mf doesn't even care about that (he asks you what kind of food you eat in your native country tho LMAO)

- This works for him and ONLY HIM: If you're having a fight and you yell at him in your first language, he'll get shy so quickly and he has to leave the room because he doesnt want to show you just how strongly that affected him. He turns red all over and his mind is just rushing with all kinds of thoughts. Honestly, he forgets why you two were even fighting. His brain is just full of "hehe y/n yelled at me <3"

- After he regains his composure, he probably kabedons you or something as revenge but whenever you do that, he's putty in your hands (i can confirm, im miya atsumu)

- If there's anything that you don't understand linguistically, he puffs his chest while explaining it you, plus he thinks you're so cute while listening to him, the cogs in your head turning as you memorize the meaning

- He gave himself the role of being your personal guide. He follows you almost everywhere and is more than ready to explain stuff to you <3

↬ Berry's after-writing note: Ok so we had a good 3-4 weeks of writer's block and these headcanons may be actually ass but i can work through it :D. thank you again for sending in your request anon <333

[twjournals]

So Wrong It's Right

Sequel: What's Wrong is Right

Warning: dark!Peter Parker x reader, DUB-CON, manipulation, age gap, drinking

PLEASE READ MY WARNING BEFORE CONTINUING. I am not responsible for your media consumption. Any and all negativity will be blocked.

Word Count: 5.4k

Summary: You're an old troubled friend of May's. Your life consists of being a workaholic, a party animal, and bringing home the shittest of guys for a one-hit-wonder. Just when you get your life in order, you're knocked right back into your old habits. Peter has watched you suffer long enough. He can make it all better.

Your life was far from where you thought you would be. It was sad to say, but you were anything but a role model. Yet May still tolerated you, regardless of Peter. Maybe she used you as an example to show Peter what not to be or maybe she was just too good of a friend to leave you on your own. To say the least, your life was a mess but you could not be more grateful to have a friend like May.

"Peter, go get me a wet rag, please," May spoke quietly. Peter left your side once he helped May get you over to the couch. You were beyond the limits that someone should be drunk.

You were in a fit of hiccups, giggling to yourself as May bent down to take off your heels. You had far too many drinks, that much was clear.

"Maaay, you.." you hiccupped, "are suuuch a good.." you hiccupped again, "friend."

May shook her head with a sigh, taking in the drunken sight of you. She was not sure how you managed to let yourself get this far gone, but every time you would drink, this is how you ended up. Either you had zero limits or you loved to push the limits you did have.

"Pet-" May started to call over her shoulder, but Peter was already hurrying in the room with his hands full.

"I'm here, Aunt May." Peter reminded and she watched as Peter sat the trash can nearby the couch. He then placed the bottle of water on the table with some medicine for the headache he knew would come with your awake in the morning. He kneeled down beside you on the couch, pressing the rag to your forehead.

May only smiled to herself as she pulled the blanket from its spot on the back of the couch and pulled it over your figure. She didn't say anymore. Peter had seen his Aunt May take care of you many nights when you were so shit-faced it was a wonder you could still see faces.

Your head was propped up against a pillow on the couch as Peter wiped your forehead with the cool rag. Your skin was burning up. Peter could not help but wonder how you let yourself get like this. You were quite a few years younger than May, but it amazed him how different the two of you were to be the best of friends.

You were fast asleep in no time, making Peter smile as his eyes gazed over your face. He had always thought you were so beautiful. Too precious to be taken advantage of by the guys you went after. He witnessed many nights when you had told Aunt May about a new guy you had hooked up with. Everyone knew it was nothing more than a one-night stand, but Peter could not help but hate any guys that touched you only for only their benefit.

It was not until you had eventually settled down with a guy you had met from one of your nightstands that you finally stopped ending up on May's couch. You had moved on with your life, still keeping in contact with May every now and then. You were happy. Not just the sex but he was truly seemed like a guy you could see yourself spending forever with.

You had stopped drinking. You had stopped going out to parties. After the first year, you had moved into the city and got an apartment together. Another year later, you guys were engaged and everything seemed to fall into place. After 3 years, the wedding was right around the corner.

Your world moved at a quicker pace now considering all the things you needed to get done before the wedding. In between work and house chores, you were planning for your big day.

As time went by, you were so wrapped up in your own little world you did not notice the slow-burning flame in your partner slowly being put out. While your plans had been coming together, your relationship was falling apart. You had for the most part ignored all the signs and assumed he was having a bad day. It amazed you how many he was having. When you would try to talk to him, it seemed useless since you could never get him to talk about it. In reality, it all brewed into something bigger. It all hit you like a ton of bricks.

You had been working later hours than usual for extra money. It wasn't cheap, but you had told yourself it was okay to want the things you wanted. After all, this was going to be your first and hopefully wedding. You wanted everything to be perfect. You even tried to get opinions from your fiance to include his vision of it, but he insisted you were better at this sort of thing. You couldn't argue with that.

You wrapped up your work at the office fairly early so you decided to call it a night and surprise your fiance. You felt like everything was on track. One night worry-free was much needed. You had earned it.

You pushed open the front door to your apartment before walking through the living room into the kitchen. You sit your keys on the counter, placing your bag on the stool by the counter. You peered around the apartment for a moment. All the lights were off and it was quiet. Had he already gone to bed? You checked the time.

7:13pm

You were surprised you did not hear his game or at least him yelling at it. You started down the hallway to the bedroom you shared, staring at the closed door. Why was it closed when it was just him? You shook the thought a little too soon. Maybe if you had just thought a little longer, you would have prepared yourself for what was on the other side.

You pushed the door open just a little to see inside when you heard a faint moan from the other side. Your heart stopped. You stood in shock taking in the sight of the man you were in love with hovered over another girl in your bed under your covers. Your face was hot in embarrassment, anger. You were feeling so many things right now you could not think straight. You were hurt.

"Are you serious??" You blurted out, causing them both to jump to try and cover themselves.

"You're sick, Chris." She shoved his chest, pushing him off of her as she quickly got out of the bed. "He told me you guys were no longer together."

She scowled as she hurried to gather her clothes off the floor and pulling them on. If it were even possible, your eyes could have burned holes through the girl. You were in disbelief. Your jaw would have already been on the floor if it wasn't connected to your face.

"I'm so sorry." She mumbled, embarrassed as she hurried past you out of your apartment.

You were left to deal with Chris. You starred at him with tears kissing your eyes.

"I-"

You took a deep breath, shaking your head. "Don't."

"I can explain." He started to get out of the bed to dress.

"There's nothing to explain, Chris." You stared at him, trying to restrain yourself from coming across the room and punching him in the face for acting like an explanation could even justify his actions.

"She meant nothing to me." He started to walk over to you.

“You told her we weren’t together. How is that nothing?”

“It felt like we weren’t. You were so busy.” He tried to touch your arm but you shoved his hand away.

"Don't you dare think about touching me when you were just touching another woman." You looked at him with dark eyes, struggling to fight back the cry. He wasn't worth your tears. "I want you to get out."

"Get out?! Where am I gonna go?"

"I don't know." You shrugged your shoulders. "Maybe you could have thought that through."

He frowned, running his fingers through his hair frustrated. "It doesn't have to be like this. Can't we just talk this out?"

"No!" You shouted at him, making his eyes grow wide. You could tell he wasn't telling this as seriously as you. "I don't want to look at you right now." You turn to leave the room, but he grabs your arms to turn you to face him.

"Please. Look, I can- I can stay on the couch tonight. I'll give you your space and when you're ready we can talk about it. I was wrong for that. I fucked up and I'm sorry." You yanked yourself from his hold.

"You can give me space by leaving. Pack yourself a bag and go."

"I love you, Y/n. I never meant to hurt you."

You shook your head as your eyes wandered over the bed to where they once were before meeting his eyes. "You mean you never meant to get caught."

He sighed before hanging his head in defeat and walking by you to gather up some of his things. You didn't move from your spot. Only stared at the mess of a bed. The place you made love to him while he made love to another. You listened to the front door close behind him on his way out before you finally covered your face, letting the tears fall.

For days, weeks, all you could seem to do was feel sorry for yourself. You couldn't find the strength to get out of bed. No matter how many calls you received, you let them ring through to voicemail. Everything you had felt for him was in ruins. You changed for him. You let yourself grow for him and even that wasn't enough. After all the time you spent picking up after him, cooking, cleaning, planning, staying loyal for crying out loud. You didn't know what else he could of you.

You had called off the wedding in the time you stayed closed up in your apartment. Even took some time off of work to handle it all. You took that time to gather every piece of him scattered around the apartment and packed it up. You wanted to end this as painless as possible aside from the pain you were already feeling. You had thrown away the sheets and replaced them, even get a new comforter and it still didn't feel the same anymore to lay in your bed. You stared at your phone beside you as it lit up for what felt like the hundredth time. You finally sighed, lifting the phone. You knew without even looking at the name it was from him.

You canceled the wedding? It doesn't have to be like this. I still love you, Y/n. You were so busy with work and all the planning. You abandon me. Whenever I wanted your attention, you were always too tired to pay any attention to me.

It's like the girl I fell in love with was gone. Some time ago, you couldn’t keep your hands off of me now it’s like I have to beg you to touch me.

You're being selfish.

You can't be THAT mad, Y/n. I’m a man. I have needs. You were busy and she was willing to help. We can fix this. Don’t give up 3 years. Don’t give up on me.

There were loads more, but you could not care to bother reading the rest. You tossed your phone back down on the bed, rubbing your hands over your face. You didn't owe him anything, not even a response. The girl he was talking about was not gone. She was only on hold to plan a wedding by herself and it was more stressful than he knew. You wanted to forget everything that had happened. You wanted to forget you wasted 3 years of your life planning on growing old with this man.

--

You weren't sure how you had got this far and with that being said, May wasn't either. You had talked May into joining you to a night out at a club. She needed a night to herself and you needed a break from everything. Along with that, if you had stayed inside that house a moment longer, you might have gone insane.

"You're going to be hammered if you keep on like that." May reminded with a laugh, both of you clinging onto the bar and each other for the extra support. You thanked the bartender as he pushed your last round of shot glasses in front of the two of you.

You smiled, passing a glass to May before keeping one for yourself.

"We can only hope." You winked at the bartender who only chuckled before clinking your shot glass with hers and downing your shot.

Your throat was already numb from all the alcohol you had already numbed it with. May wasn't far behind you. You took your final shot, grinning and pulling May along with you to the dancefloor to get lost in the sea of people. You threw your arms around May's, moving your hips as you both danced to the music.

This was the therapy you needed. Sometimes you had longed for nights like this. You had freedom. You had no worries, aside from worrying who you might wake up beside. But you had fallen in love and even though you had grown up, you had not nearly grown out of this lifestyle. It was all too familiar.

"Hey! I'm going to the bathroom! I'll be back!" May moved closer to you, raising her voice to be heard over the loud music. You nodded, watching her pushing her way through the crowd of people to get to the ladies' bathroom before easing yourself back into your dancing.

You swayed, grinding your hips with the rest of the crowd. You weren't the slightest bit bothered to be dancing by yourself. You used to lose yourself on the dancefloor for hours days after days years ago.

"I've missed this." You heard a familiar voice speak from behind you, startling you when their hands landed on your hips with your sway. They pulled you back against them, catching you off guard. "I've missed you." He mumbled in your ear, sending chills down your spine.

You peaked over your shoulder to make sure your mind was not playing tricks on you. It wasn't. You prayed it was an old one-night stand, but of course, it was the one person you were trying to get away from.

"It doesn't work like that, Chris." You dropped your hands down to his on your hips, trying to push them off your hips but they only hold you tighter. "Get- get off of me." You gritted through your teeth as your eyes glared at him. "Get off!" You raised your voice.

"Now, now, let's not cause a scene. You've had quite a bit to drink haven't you?" He wrapped your arms around your figure, making your blood run cold as his body pressed to yours.

"That's none of your business."

"I'm your fiance. You are my business."

"Ex." You corrected him. His nose flared slightly.

"You really want to go there? You're nothing without me. You're shit-faced in the middle of the club and you can't even accept my help?" He growled and you pushed on his arms.

"I don't need your help."

"You're drunk. You don't know what you need." He spat.

The sound of someone clearing their throat interrupted your argument. "I think I've got it from here." You looked up to put a face to the voice, your eyes widening slightly.

"And you are?" Chris didn't budge while staring down Peter as if challenging him.

Peter was reaching his hand out for yours. "Her boyfriend." You stared up at Peter in shock at how much he had changed over the years and he smiled reassuringly.

Chris stiffed slightly and you could feel his eyes burning a hole into you. "Is that true?"

You didn't take your eyes off of Peter, taking a hold of his hand and letting him pull you out of Chris's arms. "Yes." Your voice was hushed.

Chris scowled. "Wow. I wish you luck there, man. She's a real catch." He laughed, making you look down. You couldn't believe he was really trying to ruin your night when he had already ruined everything else.

Peter only snaked his arm around your waist, letting his hand settle on your hip while his eyes never left Chris's. "She certainly is." He agreed. He gave your body a warm squeeze, grabbing you closer into his embrace. "Now, if you'll excuse us."

With that, he guided you through the crowd off of the dance floor.

"You okay?" He finally broke the silence once he got you back to the bar, sitting you down on one of the stools.

You nodded, letting your eyes wander up to him as he motioned the bartender over. "I'm just curious as to why you're here right now. Aren't you supposed to be in college?"

He smiled as he pulled out his wallet to pay your tab and you grabbed his hand, shaking your head. "No, no. I can pay for my own."

"What if I insist?"

"You don't have to, honestly. I have money."

You started to reach into your purse for some cash but Peter covered your hand, giving you another reassuring smile.

"You'll have plenty of other times to pay. I'll get it this time." He reminded you and you sighed in defeat, giving him a playful scowl. He only grinned, proceeding to pull some cash from his wallet to give to the bartender.

"You didn't answer my question." You continued as he turned back to you.

"I'm still college. I just sometimes stay with Aunt May on the weekends."

"And you just so happened to be here?"

Peter chuckled, pointing in May's direction as she stumbled over her feet returning back to the two of us. "Aunt May called."

You raised your eyebrow, looking over at May as she stood beside you now. "You called Peter?"

"Someone has to get you back home." She reminded you and you hit her arm slightly, tilting your head.

"May, I could have got a taxi or an uber. You didn't have to call him for me." You scowled at her and she shook her head in a tsking manner.

"No, no, no. I called Peter so I can rest assured you got home safely and not by some random stranger."

You rolled your eyes slightly and Peter butted in with an awkward chuckle. "I really don't mind. I don't consider this anything out of the way. I'd rather it be me than some stranger or someone." He noticed him giving the floor a swift scan around the three of you.

"Fine." You pouted your bottom lip slightly before rising from your seat at the bar. "You guys make me feel irresponsible or something." You grabbed a hold of May's arm and pulling her with you to the exit of the club while Peter followed behind the two of you.

"Are you coming?" You muttered over to May and she shook her head.

"Happy is here." Just as the words left her mouth when you started out the door, you spotted Happy parked in front of the building to pick up May. "Peter isn't too bad of a driver." You stopped in front of Happy's car.

"Oh goody, rest secured." You muttered and she laughed. Your arms looped around May's neck, hugging her tight. "I'm so glad to have you back. Message me when you get home." You told her and Happy a quick goodnight before letting her go.

Peter led you over to his car, unlocking the car and opening the passenger side for you. You settled comfortably in the front seat, leaning your head back against the headrest. You didn't like how it felt as if you couldn't take care of yourself, but you were in no position to complain when Peter Parker had yet again saved the day.

--

Peter glanced over at you in the passenger seat from time to time as he drove the distance to your apartment. He tried to keep the glances quick to keep you from noticing. You were just as beautiful as he remembered. It had been years since he had actually seen you, but you seemed like the Y/n he still remembered. Not that it was anything bad. He adored you then, and now a bit more.

He had always had the hots for you for as long as you remembered. Of course, you never minded when you ended up staying with him and Aunt May. You were always kind to Peter and he did his best to nurse you back to health to take on the hangover that awaited you the next morning.

He had never forgotten what you said to him one day while you were sick from the night before. You had been clinging onto the toilet and he had taken the opportunity to hold your hair back out of your face to keep from getting anything in it.

You sighed as he rubbed your back in soothing circles. You leaned against the toilet miserably. That was the day you learned to stay away from tequila.

"I hope I meet a guy at least half as amazing as you someday, Peter."

No doubt did the compliment find its way to his cheeks. He blushed a deep shade of red. He tried to restrain himself from making a big deal but it was a big deal to him. Though he knew he didn't stand a chance right now with his age, it meant if he had been of age, he had a chance. He thought about it even when you had stopped coming around so much. He knew this was all a coping method for you. You were hurting then and he could tell by the way you seemed toward the guy back there that there was more to that counter.

He noticed your shiver as you stared out the window. You mentally cursed yourself for wearing something this revealing. You rubbed your arms to try to warm yourself a little. Peter reached behind him in the back seat to retrieve a hoodie of his he always forgot in the car and handing it to you.

"Here." He offered before fumbling with the heat in the car. He smiled at your quiet thank you, putting your arms in the hoodie and pulling it close for warmth with putting it all the way on. He tried to control the big grin threatening to break across his face.

"I'm sorry you had to keep seeing me like this." You looked over at Peter as he kept his eyes on the road. He didn't realize how thankful you were for him in times like this. It was embarrassing how many times this had happened but you were still thankful Peter didn't think any less of you.

"You really don’t have to apologize.” He smiled at her before turning his attention back to the road.

“I really do though. I feel like you’ve taken care of me enough. I’m grown, you know? It should be the other way around.” You giggled and Peter glanced over at you.

“I’m 21.” He reminded you.

“And I’m pushing 30.”

“You’re 28. You’re still young.” He chuckled.

“Almost 29!” You huffed as he pulled into the parking lot to your apartment. “My point is- you know what my point is.”

He couldn’t help but laugh at your frustration. Your age didn’t matter to him. He could always settle for his MJ, his best friend, but seeing you tonight relit the flame to his crush for you. There was just something about you.

He parked the car in the parking lot, walking around to your side to open the door for you. You slid your arms out of his hoodie and leaving it in the seat as he helped you out of the car. You could feel the shots hitting you all at once when you stood. You stumbled out in your heels, grabbing onto Peter’s arms for support.

“Easy now.” He held onto your waist as he guided you to your apartment, asking for your keys. He took your keys when you dug them out of your pocket, letting you in your apartment.

You couldn’t help but notice all the little things he did for you. You kicked off your heels at the door, stumbling over your own two feet again as you wandered down the hallway to your bedroom. You could hear Peter in the kitchen getting you a bottle of water from the fridge along with some medicine from the medicine cabinet.

You sat on the bed when you hear his footsteps coming down the hallway toward the bedroom. You looked up at him, pouting your bottom lip out slightly when you saw him with a bottle of water and medicine for the headache to come.

He set them down on your nightstand, noticing your pout. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Peter, you’re seriously too good to me.” You sighed.

“How’s that?” He looked down at you as he towered over you.

You motioned over to the stuff he had placed on your nightstand and frowning. “All of this. You- you really didn’t have to do this for me.”

“You’re right I don’t. But I want to. I would want it done for me if I were ever in your shoes.”

You laughed slightly at the thought of Peter drunk and you smiled to yourself. “I would definitely be there anytime you needed me.”

You thought back to all the time you had ever been drunk, remembering all the time you woke up to water and medicine from him. Only from him. Even a trash can in case you were to ever get sick, but you never got that with Chris. You always took care of him, but no one ever took care of you. You shook your head with a frown. You had tried so hard to hold it together, but it felt like you were slowly falling apart. He wasn't worth your tears, yet he was always the cause of them.

He kneeled down in front of you, tilting your head up to meet his gaze. “Talk to me. Everything okay?”

You couldn’t stop the words from coming out. “Why am I never enough?”

His eyes widened at your words. “You are more than enough and anyone who doesn’t see that, who doesn’t appreciate you and the things you do for them doesn’t deserve you.” He corrected you, his thumb stroked over your jaw as he held your face to keep your attention.

You didn't know what to say. All you could do was stare. Your eyes scanned over his face before stopping at his lips. Don't. Don't you do it. You mentally told yourself. You couldn't control the effect the alcohol had on your mind and your actions. You tried to fight back the urge but the alcohol only pushed down the buriers you had built.

Your lips smashed against his firmly, catching him by surprise. He was frozen about your lips for a first, in shock, this was actually happening but he surely gave in the kiss. Your hands grabbed at the back of his neck and pulling him onto the bed with you without breaking the hungry desperate kiss. His body hovered over yours as your fingers curled against his shirt, gripping on it. You knew it was wrong. It was so wrong, but you couldn't bring yourself to stop.

Your smaller hands slid underneath his shirt, brushing your hands over his defined abs. He was sculpted by a God. He knew he should stop, but he couldn't find it in him to stop. He didn't want to miss his chance to prove himself to you. He wanted to take care of you.

Your lips parted for air even though you left like you could hardly catch your breath when his lips started to kiss down your neck. Your hands tugged on his shirt until you started to pull it up and over your head.

His hands pushed your tight dress up the curves of your body, tossing it beside the bed once he peeled it from your body. Your lips still tingled from the loss of his and you whined quietly, your hand grasped the curls at the nape of his neck to bring his lips back to yours.

He kissed your lips passionately and letting your lips mold together. He could taste the alcohol on your tongue but it didn't bother him any. He had dreamed of this moment since he was a teen. Your fingers worked desperately to undo his jeans, feeling his bulge already through his pants before your hands pushed his pants off of his hips along with your boxers.

You were so desperate. You couldn't stop the whine that escaped against his lips. "Peter, please..." His cock twitched at the sound of his name falling from your lips.

He dragged your panties down your legs swiftly, placing himself back between them when he spread them open again. He peppered light kisses to your lips as he dragged the tip of precum-coated tip through your folds, not wasting any time to give you what you wanted.

You cried out as you clung to Peter's bareback, feeling his cock stretching you in all the ways you craved. You moaned out, letting him swallow them in a kiss as his hips rolled into yours again and again. He sighed in pleasure against your lips as your walls invited him in. You were even better than he could have imagined.

He couldn't believe this was actually happening. His lips covered your body in his kisses, admiring every part of your body as it sang for him. This was nothing like what you used to. He pressed small kisses against your bottom lip, nibbling on it as your core ached with a building climax. Your legs wrapped around his hips, causing you to gasp at the deeper strokes.

Your head fell back against the pillows, a loud moan drawing from your parted lips. Your fingers held onto Peter's hair as he hit that spot over and over, making your eyes roll slightly. You needed so badly for him to stop, but you couldn't bring the words to the surface.

"Oh my god..." Your core tightened with every deep thrust. His cock touched parts of you no guy had ever. You had never felt a climax so fast or so strong. "Please don't stop..." You couldn't fight the words from coming out. Your grip tightened on his dark hair, feeling yourself falling apart with an orgasm with every thrust.

"You're so pretty when you cum." He couldn't stop even if he wanted to. He was not far behind you by the way your walls sucked him in, milking him for all he was worth.

"Do it again. I want to make you cum again." He groaned against your chest as his tongue dragged over your hardened nipple, flicking his tongue against it teasingly before letting out a groan against your warm skin. He didn't want it to stop. He didn't want it to end. "You feel so good, Y/n..."

His hand reached between the two of you, rolling his fingers over your clit in circles. You gripped onto his wrist at the overpowering feeling. You were soaked to the core. This man made you crumble.

"I-I'm gonna cum.." His voice cracked slightly as your walls clenched around him tight In your second orgasm, pushing him over the edge into his first. His cum filled you full, marking you as he pressed delicate kisses across your neck while praising you in the process. "So beautiful, so perfect."

Your eyes were heavy with exhaustion, smiling to yourself when Peter laid down on the bed behind you. He wrapped an arm around your body, pulling you back against his chest.

It only took a matter of seconds for sleep to claim you as Peter pulled a blanket over the both of you tiredly. It was only a matter of time before the morning came to rain on your parade. Bringing along the guilt and regret that followed.

[inu-yasha]

please don't reblog it, likes are fine

I come with you a small vent. I do this to cleanse myself of the negative emotions I have, and I keep it for years. I want to share with you my pain in my heart through InuKags. It's not that I want you to make feel sorry for me. It was just yesterday that I was forced to be tolerant again and to stop doing what I was doing, even though it that anon was not a fan. InuKag is the same style of action.

It all happened on Youtube. I fell in love with Kikyou and opened a channel about her. How to put it, I was "official Kikyou" I just wanted to have fun.

A few hours after opening the channel, I got spam from the salty InuKag / Kagome fans "Kikyou sucks and InuKik" I don't remember all the messages, it was so many that it was impossible to remember, and as a child of elementary school I felt very sorry. I didn't know why, I was new to the fandom.

Over time, I found out that Kikyou is the most hated character in the series. It didn't end with DM.

I created Kikyou / InuKik videos after which I got a lot of negative and hurtful comments from Kagome / InuKag fans, demeaning me and my ship.

It was really awful. They especially come to videos pro Kikyou and InuKik and bash Kikyou and InuKik very hard, with a lot of hatred. As a child, I worried about it, because words hurt too.

I wanted to change so much that I tried to like Kagome by creating accounts about her, forcing myself to like her.

Has it had an effect? As you can see no.On the contrary. They made me hate Kagome to core and InuKag.They was told me that Kikyou does not love Inuyasha, that Kagome is the only one and the most appropriate for Inuyasha (What they always say) Kagome is better at manga and other nonsense.

One of her female fans used it on me gaslight. She maniupted me to hate Sango. Effectively, and then she mocked me because I believed her and she then pretended nothing like that had happened, blamed it all on me.

I was a naive kid who didn't know much about such things, but quickly the toxic fans made me realize what kind of people they are.

It was something I couldn't forgive and I will not forgive !!! I will not forgive!!! Then I saw what kind of people and understood what kind of people I was dealing with.

I was more laid back, but not that much later either.

I remember being called "whore" in DM because I was an "official Kikyou" therefore she gave herself permission to offend me and Kikyou. Moreover, one Kagome / InuKag fan said that if I like Kikyou / InuKik then I'm a "fag" I remember it so well that I have not forgotten her username. YES I REMEBER HER USERNAME because it touched me a lot.

So much so that I took a break for several years. because I was already mentally exhausted.

I went back to Tumblr, there I got a question about Kagome or I like her then I was between "Like and don't like" because I had mixed feelings. I didn't want to hate Kagome, but I also knew their fandom would make me hate her more deeply if there is an opportunity to hate her more than core.

Obviously my answer became the start of a drama from KagKik shipper who had an amazing pain ass for my opinion. After her complaining, hating me and trying to manipulate me and tell me how "I'm bad because I hate the kagome and she has enough" I got a lot of anon-hate anons that insulted the kikyou and my ship. Then I got pissed off again, but I also laughed ironically seeing how in 2017 they were still the same.

Here was an own line, but you know? InuKags come and reblog my works and they was rude and hateful in tags and under my posts

I was forced to be tolerant many times. Personally, I've come to the conclusion that I will not interfere or speak. I did. I've been tolerant for many years, many years! Just because I was ignoring this shit doesn't mean it didn't make my blood boil. Tolerance has its limits! My tolerance has just ended.

Kikyou / InuKik fans are people too! PEOPLE who are entitled to an opinion. We have the right to express our opinion

Now I break the silence say what I want and add what the hell I want! This is my blog! My opinion! And I add whatever I want on it. Don't expect any sympathy from me or anything because you won't get it, I was compassionate and silent as much as I could. But it's over now. I've had enough. Kikyou / InUkik fans were as quiet as they could, but we're not gonna be quiet anymore! at least me.

I wrote little about the past, but it is difficult to remember everything after so many years.

[magnus-the-maqnificent]

Let's Analyze - Alec in CoFA

So, I’ve been seeing plenty of discourse on two of my mutual’s blogs about this topic… so I thought I’d sit down and write another analysis post about my beloved Alec Lightwood cause people are still giving him shit for a book that came out ten years ago 🤦‍♀️

This is gonna be in two parts, and I'm putting both under the cut:

PART 1 - ALEC’S INSECURITIES 

So, the first part - how Alec’s insecurities drove him to saying stupid things in CoFA

A quick disclaimer - I’m NOT blaming Alec alone for his and Magnus’s break up. What happened was pretty complicated, and the blame cannot be put on one person alone. 

That said, let’s start with Magnus and Alec’s early ‘official’ relationship, in trsom.

These scenes are taken from only the first part of the book, but I’m pretty sure they’re more than enough to get a sense of Alec’s insecurities and all the chinks in their relationship. Throughout the entirety of trsom, we see more bits and pieces of Alec’s insecurities about Magnus’s sexuality, and his past and all the people he might have known - and that’s okay! Insecurities happen, cause brains are stupid like that.

But all of Alec’s insecurities could’ve been laid to rest with a simple conversation. But the conversation never happens. Magnus tends to deflect and change the topic every single time his past is brought up. I understand Magnus’s reasons for hiding his past, of course, but it doesn’t help his relationship with Alec. Magnus hiding a good chunk of his past will inevitably lead to Alec questioning himself - why is he so secretive? Why is he not telling me anything? Does he not trust me? ...and so on.

And when Alec is already feeling insecure in this relationship, this happens - (sorry about the terrible cropping btw)

And then later, while Magnus is talking to Camille,

Now… when people are insecure about something, they get irked at the smallest of things. I’m saying this as an insecure person myself. So now, you've got Alec, who's insecure as fuck, and his vacation with the person he loves got cut short by his ex who refuses to talk to anyone but him, and when they get there, his lover and his lover's ex seem to have obvious chemistry, he gets hit with the reality that his lover has dated several, probably even hundreds of people before him; and he has to leave them alone in a room so they can talk, and then he hears the ex basically just list all his shortcomings - i.e, his mortality, his appearance is compared to some random dead guy (sorry, Will) whom your lover had a crush on, which is just weird, and when you've had enough and open the door, it's to see your lover and his ex, standing close as fuck, and he's! touching! her! face! and! looking! into! her! eyes!

*takes a sip of water* yeahhhh... Alec was straight up having a bad day.

And at this point, a) Alec is still in his first relationship. He didn't get to navigate romance when he was younger, and while there's nothing wrong with that, there weren't exactly cutesy presentations titled 'how to keep your relationships healthy' floating around the internet. Heck, he didn’t know the internet. He didn't know that he had to communicate with Magnus, and it doesn't help that boy avoids conversations about feelings like the plague. And b) at this point, Alec would be facing several negative emotions - insecurity, obviously. Hurt. Helplessness, because of his mortality. Fear, that he might not live up to Magnus’s past lovers. Jealousy at seeing Magnus and Camille so close.

Negative emotions like these often tend to show up as anger or sorrow... and in Alec’s case, that would be anger. Which leads us to THIS- (🙈)

*sighs in second-hand embarrassment*

*drinks more water*

*this is gonna be so hard aksjakak*

So. Alec dealt with his insecurities... by being a mean, mean bitch to Magnus :/

Let's break this scene down, slowly, bit by bit.

First, Alec cuts into a conversation between Magnus and Jordan, when Magnus mentions Woolsey Scott, followed the rest of that particular page. To Alec, he's just a figure from Magnus’s past, and a possible lover, though in Alec’s defense Woolsey Scott WAS Magnus’s lover. This is the first instance that we see in which Alec lashes out at Magnus. It seems like he's trying to make a point to Magnus - "I don't know anything about your past, and so I don't know who you've had romances with, but I want to know." Except he makes his point in the worst way possible and ends up slutshaming Magnus.

The "What's true?" line, in response to Jordan saying "so it's true what they say about warlocks, then?" is pretty obvious. Alec is clearly not liking the idea that this random werewolf might know about warlocks, and in particular, his Warlock boyfriend.

Next... ooh boy... Alec basically snaps and in the next few paragraphs accuses Magnus of wanting to flirt with others which... is not a good look on ya honey 😕. These lines are the ones that get him accused of being biphobic... but is he really? I'm gonna talk about that in part 2.

So, in the first paragraph, where Alec makes the comments about Jordan, I find his choice of words pretty... interesting, seeing as 'messy-haired', 'broad-shouldered' and 'chiseled-good-looks' are all used to describe Alec in the series. Not sure if its relevant, but definitely interesting.

And in the next one, where Alec says, "or there are plenty of pretty girls here, since apparently your taste goes both ways. Is there anything you aren't into?" The 'apparently' makes me curious. In rsom, Alec mentions that he's only recently heard of the term bisexual, and there's plenty of time between rsom and cofa, so Alec should be absolutely sure of atleast the basic meaning of bisexuality. But I'm pretty sure it's just inconsistency on cc's part, since if rsom didn't exist, this book would be the first time Alec learns about Magnus’s bisexuality. (Which is obvious when you look at the scene after Magnus reveals that Camille is his girlfriend.) And as for the second sentence, I feel like it's a fallback to earlier in the book when Magnus says (I'm just gonna write the dialogue from memory), "I've dated men, women, warlocks, faeries, vampires, werewolves and even a djinn or two." Here, Alec is angry, and he takes the knowledge that Magnus has dated a variety of people and once again, lashes out.

Looking at all of it together, Alec’s insecurities are definitely a factor in all of this. We know Alec has pretty low self esteem in tmi, and he keeps having irrational thoughts about someone else grabbing Magnus’s attention, like in the trsom scene I've posted above. And he ends up taking out his insecurities on Magnus.

Was it wrong of Alec to say all those things to Magnus? Yes, absolutely. But looking back through all his scenes in cofa, it's easy to see how he could've fallen into the pit trap of emotions.

And before anyone says "but it wasn't addressed in the later books", it was, in CoLS. I’ve hit the image limit, so I'm just gonna type it out -

"[Magnus] said it would be better if he didn’t come. Apparently him and the Seelie Queen have some kind of history."

Isabelle raised her eyebrows.

"Not that kind of history," Alec said irritably. "Some kind of feud. Though," he added, half under his breath, "the way he got around before me, I wouldn't be surprised."

"Alec!" Isabelle dropped back to talk to her brother....

So, there. Alec makes yet another slutshaming comment, Isabelle overhears and is clearly not happy about it, and it's clearly implied that she talks to Alec about it. And Alec doesn't make any more slutshaming comments since then. Boy now knows what he did was wrong, and makes sure not to repeat it again.

Although, I do wish we had more than this. I wish we had more of Magnus and Alec talking about this argument, heck, even about all their arguments and the reasons they broke up, but you can't get everything you want, apparently :(

And now onto the next part...

PART 2 - IS ALEC BIPHOBIC?

The short answer, uh, no, not really.

The long answer.... would be complicated.

So, back in the day, when this discourse was at an all time high, I remember reading a bisexual person's essay about this topic, and they said that this comment from Alec - "or there are plenty of pretty girls here, since apparently your taste goes both ways. Is there anything you aren't into?" - would be a biphobic microagression.

According to Google, a microagression is "a statement, action, or incident regarded as an instance of indirect, subtle, or unintentional discrimination against members of a marginalized group such as a racial or ethnic minority".

And in Alec's case, IF his words were biphobic, they were completely unintentional. They were microagressive. Which is... still bad, of course, but it's more complicated than that.

If you look back on Alec's supposedly biphobic statements, they're more about Magnus’s hypersexuality and promiscuity than anything else. Yes, even the line i mentioned like two paragraphs ago. At first glance it may seem like a direct attack on Magnus’s sexuality, but think over the explanation I gave for the line and it will make sense. And a lot of people know that the whole 'bi people fuck around a lot and are cheaters' thing is a stereotype.

Now, it may seem like I'm going off topic here, but bear with me. I couple of days ago, I watched this video by chance. (Tw for the aids crisis and lots of biphobia, not from the narrator, if you wanna watch the video). Basically, back in the 1980s, bisexual men were scapegoated for spreading aids to the straight community and were vilified by popular media as being promiscuous scepters who would cheat on their wives with gay men and then give aids to their wives. (Yikes 😬). And since bisexuality was practically unheard of before all this (several bisexual activists have stated that all this shit, though unfortunate, pulled bisexuality out of the closet), it's safe to assume that this is how those stereotypes came to be - through 1980s propaganda.

But living with this propaganda is... a very limiting experience. The people who leaned and unlearned and fought against this propaganda are mostly US Americans who grew up with it, either the actual propaganda itself or passed down by their parents. But like I said, it's a very limiting experience. US is but one country out of many, and even for those living in the USA there's a chance that they grew up in a very hush-hush environment. People who grew up hearing all these stereotypes will see it as biphobia, while people who didn't - like Alec, and me, and several other people will not. A lot of people grow up with absolutely no knowledge of the queer community, and chances are that they'll be incredibly confused when a stereotype is pointed out to them, and they often get no more explanation than 'this is a harmful stereotype'. Queer experiences aren't the same for everyone, and while I respect the people who see this as biphobia, they should recognize that there are many people who won't see it that way.

I have seen bisexual people say that Alec's words were biphobic, and I've also seen bisexual people say that they weren't. Thus, there is no clear consensus about whether or not Alec was being biphobic. And like I said earlier, Alec grew up far, far away from mundane anti-queer bigotry. He was essentially a clean slate when it came to knowledge of eer microagressions of any kind, because microagressions and stereotypes are often incredibly specific, don't have anything to do with a person's race/sexuality/gender, etc. and will make zero sense unless you know the history behind them. To Magnus, who lived through the anti-bisexual scapegoating, the words would've definitely stung, but Alec didn't even know the implications he would be making with this words! Of course, the impact is greater than intention, and I imagine Magnus would sit Alec down one day and talk about all this history with him.

And idk if I can even blame cc cause the history of bisexual men is RARELY ever talked about, atleast on the internet.

Also, this scene in cofa is the only instance where he can be interpreted to be biphobic. Nowhere else in all of tmi, and even tec, do we see Alec express hatred or disgust or microagression towards bisexual people. If this was seen in a repeating pattern from Alec, one could argue that he's biphobic... but he isn't. Some might point to some of his internal thoughts in trsom to argue otherwise, but I believe that actions are superior than thoughts.

There's also the thing about unlearning prejudices, but in Alec's case there was hardly anything to be unlearned. The only prejudices he did pick up on were against himself, through vague homophobic comments from Robert.

P.S if you've read this far, I am legally entitled to compensation for thinking of cofa Alec for 48 hours. Put your favorite Alec moments in my askbox cause I wanna focus on his good side now. 😎

But yeah, the main thing here is that Alec has grown from his mistakes, apologized, and hasn't repeated this behavior at all.

And lastly, I just wanted to add - I don't think all this was unintentional on the author's part. She's grown up with the us American queer community, and has mentioned that she has bisexual friends, who have no doubt faced prejudices because of these stereotypes. I think she was trying to condemn making such statements, but a lot of people don't read between the lines and end up misinterpreting it and make both the character and her to be biphobic.

So... TLDR; was what Alec said biphobic? Maybe. It depends on who you're talking to. Is Alec, as a person, biphobic? Nope. Not at all. 😌

[smilingperformer]

Soooo I've been inactive here again. I'm sorry. Lately there hasn't been much Pokémon related content that I feel like discussing about in detail. It's mostly been just talking with people and talking about other stuff like Genshin, Digimon, Precure etc on Twitter. My Twitter's a mess so, I won't share it (even if I have shared it before), but those who know can follow me there lol.

I could ask about how people are feeling about JN atm, now that the second year's coming to a conclusion, but I feel like most people answer the same they've answered before. And I know I'm too negative to tell mine, as I can tell I am not very objective with my opinions :D But over this past year, I've come to accept it. Koharu keeps me hooked in still thou, haha. And I can tell you I am enjoying the Sinnoh Winter Special so far, eeeven if I have couple small issues with it that I'm willing to put aside for now. The Ultra Hole line had me squeeling akjhsfjs.

I haven't watched Evolutions series past Alola ep, it just didn't hook me in at all, the story telling style it has is too abridged to my liking, and it's not me saying it's bad. It's just not what I enjoy.

I also didn't end up buying BDSP since hearing about it basically having been released unfinished (needing pre-launch patch to have complete experience and the cartridge copy basically not always prompting this needed update, thus you could be playing an unfinished, crude version of the game) turned me away. I've reserved a copy of Shining Pearl from library thou, so I should be able to tackle it by January, if all goes well.

And not to say I didn't exactly like the way TPC/i celebrated the 25th anniversary, as it felt veeeery... I don't know how to say it. I don't like listening to the kind of musical artists that were tasked for the 25th anniversary album, basically telling me I'm not the audience here. But I do realise that my taste in music is very limited :D

But I do know I am still very hyped for Legends Arceus, and with each trailer and news bits we learn about it, the hype increases more. I've finally pre-ordered it with free shipping, so I'm very excited to tackle it once the release date is here. I may not get it for release date, since Finland's shipping tends to be shit, but the chances are alright. I won't mind the delay, as I know already I'm gonna enjoy the game a LOT.

But yeh. I gueeess this was sort of an update on Aleira's life post askjhsfjf. Hope you guys are doing alright.

[fakeikemen]

The "Cave of Two Lovers" foreshadows the Zutara interactions in "Crossroads of Destiny"

[And maybe after that too; (yeah this part will be purely based on speculation)]

(See also: A meta that everybody has already written but I haven't because I was living under a rock and watched Avatar very recently)

Like seriously, it is so obvious? I see people try to interpret "The Legend Of Oma and Shu" in so many other ways; like yeah, you're free to interpret it however you want but— most people try to make sense of it while thinking that the tale is just a random occurrence? But it's not.

And here's why:

(I'm so sorry, I tried to add the "keep reading" link here because this gets kinda long but it just won't work) (Also click on the pictures if you want better resolution).

The tale of Oma and Shu is about two lovers who belonged to villages that were at war against each other. To continue meeting each other, they learnt earthbending to create caves in the mountain that divides the two villages. But one day Shu didn't come to the caves. He'd died in the war. So Oma unleashed a terrifying display of her power. And then when people were willing to listen to her, she called off the war and strived for peace between both the villages. As a result the city of Omashu was created— as a monument in remembrance of their love.

So in comparison:

1. Two people belonging to the opposite sides of the war

(Other than the 100 year old war that has been going on, Zuko and Katara are involved in a very fundamental conflict: Capture the Avatar Vs. Protect the Avatar.)

2. With the same colour scheme:

3. Share intimate moments in a cave lit by green crystals:

A popular argument for this comparison is that; Oma and Shu had a positive impressions of each other when they first met. Unlike Zuko and Katara where Katara's first impression of Zuko was pretty negative because he invaded her village.

Zuko and Katara's first proper conversation happens in "Crossroads of Destiny" i.e.; the scene I'm talking about here. After this interaction that they have, I think it's safe to say that they did have positive impressions of each other. (Until Zuko made the wrong choice.)

Other than that, about the colour scheme being a coincidence: Here and here are posts by @marsreds about how the colours are definitely not a coincidence.

But seriously guys? Oma and Shu were the FIRST EARTHBENDERS and yet, instead of greens and yellows they were designed with RED and BLUE?!? (I'll take about Oma's green dress below.)

And on that note, why were Zuko and Katara the only ones who were thrown into the catacombs when everybody else was being held at the dungeons? The dungeons wouldn't have been easy to escape, neither for Zuko nor for Katara.

It's because Zuko and Katara were meant to share an intimate moment in a cave that was supposed to jog our visual memory to remind us of the caves built by Oma and Shu.

(Seriously though, I wasn't really paying attention during CoTL and thought that the Omashu legend was just put in to consume screen time, so I missed the red/blue thing. But then I watched CoD and saw the catacombs and I was like: "Isn't this like that cave made by the lovers?" And then I proceeded to have an oh shit moment because, I knew that Zutara was not canon so I never even considered the possibility of the narrative hinting at anything between them but then this happened. I mean, it's pretty darn obvious).

The colour of the crystals being the same in both caves is no coincidence either— if they just wanted two random caves with crystals, then they could've used a different colour because crystals of different colours exist:

Moving on,

The Visual Cues:

According to the colour coding Zuko = Oma (red) and Katara = Shu (blue).

So,

EXHIBIT A:

I feel like this one speaks for itself.

(I personally think that in this parallel Oma is in red because Katara at this point still sees Zuko as the face of the Fire Nation.)

EXHIBIT B:

This sequence of frames show Oma (dressed in green, like Zuko was in the catacombs) and Shu (dressed in his usual blue), standing on neutral territory and reaching out to each other and then being torn apart by the war.

Pretty much like:

The first time they are in each other's presence without the cause of their conflict (i.e. the Avatar), Zuko and Katara reach out to each other empathetically and attain bone deep understanding of each other within a matter of minutes. This whole encounter is in Ba Sing Se, which counts for the neutral territory because it hadn't been completely taken over by Fire Nation at that point.

And honestly? The raw vulnerability and intimacy of this scene and the high emotional energy of their powerful dynamic is just— wow. (I put off my binging spree for a whole day because I didn't have the heart to see Zutara not become canon after all of this.)

And soon after, Zuko and Katara face each other in battle, their tentative friendship torn apart, as they fight from their respective sides of the war.

EXHIBIT C:

Whenever Oma and Shu appear in the same frame during the visualization of the legend, Oma is always on the left half of the frame and Shu is on the right.

Similarly, throughout all their interactions in the Catacombs, whenever the frame exclusively includes Zuko and Katara, Zuko (like Oma) is on the left half of the frame and Katara (like Shu) is on the right.

The parallels (or foils rather):

#1

In CoTL, we see Song who is a healer (cures Iroh of his poisoning). She mentions that she hasn't seen her father since a Fire Nation raid took place in her village. Zuko empathises with her and says that he too hasn't seen his father in a long while. But then he refuses to say anything else about it.

Later Song tries to reach out to Zuko and tries to touch his scar— which Zuko prevents her from. She shows Zuko her own scars to show that she understood him.

And yet, Zuko doesn't open up to her.

After a while of life-changing and eye-opening experiences, in CoD, when Katara has her meltdown and cries while saying that her mother was snatched away from her by the Fire Nation; Zuko sees an opening to offer an olive branch and he takes it, he empathises with her and tells her that how his mother was snatched away by the Fire Nation as well.

Then Zuko opens up to Katara in a show of complete vulnerability. He openly talks about his scar and what he feels about it. In response, Katara offers to heal his scar and then Zuko lets her touch his scar.

It was nothing but a deliberate choice to make Song slightly parallel Katara (a healer, lost a parent because of the war) and then making Zuko not open up to her and not let her touch the scar, only for Katara to be the one he opened up to and allowed to touch the scar.

#2

After being trapped with Aang in the cave in CoTL and sharing an intimate moment with him, as soon as they find their way out, Katara runs straight ahead without looking back.

But after her time with Zuko, trapped in the Catacombs in CoD, while leaving she turns back to look at Zuko.

Judging by the amount of time the animation puts into showing us Aang's disappointment at Katara running off and into making it clear that Katara did look back at Zuko and that Zuko looked right back at her, to me, it feels like the choice to show this was pretty deliberate.

(Turning back to look at a person while leaving is a romantic trope that has been overused to death? Or is it just bollywood?)

Also I wouldn't have paid this much attention to this small detail if not for the fact that just a hint of the Omashu legend theme is played here?

No, I swear I'm not making it up.

The Omashu legend theme is used in CoD:

The Omashu legend theme is largely dominated by the music of a stringed instrument (forgive me, I don't know what it's called) alongwith a steady melody playing in the background.

In CoD, when Katara and Zuko start conversing for real, (i.e.; when Katara says: "I'm sorry I yelled at you.") what sounds like a variation of the background melody in the Omashu legend theme, starts its subtle ascent as the background score, but sans the music of the stringed instrument.

It is when Katara says: "Maybe you could be free of it." [About Zuko's scar], when then first hint of the stringed instrument is heard. It is only a single note of the strings but it's there. And this "single note" sound keeps on repeating at regular intervals with the melody building up until Aang and Iroh burst into the catacombs.

But then, when Katara is leaving with Aang and she turns back to look at Zuko, this time the music that plays for a few seconds at best, is dominated by the stringed instrument again and this time it's unmistakable.

Also I don't think this music is used anywhere else in the course of the whole show? So it can't really be a coincidence? But I don't really know. I'm saying this on the basis of as far as my memory can reach.

And this is as far as canon stands testimony to what I am trying to say here.

But what about the second half of the story yk, the dying thing, you say?

Well this is where the speculations come in.

Speculation Time:

#1

As a thumb rule, a romance foreshadowed by a tragic tale is meant to have a happy ending.

So this time when Katara's (Shu) life is in danger (Azula's lightning bolt), Zuko (Oma) steps in at the nick of time to save her life (by jumping infront of Katara to intercept the lightning).

(Since I have crossed the limit of images in a post, here is a post by @araeph which illustrates this point.)

Yes, I am completely aware that Zuko taking the lightning bolt for Katara is not his declaration of love for her. What I mean to say is that the whole scene was so very painfully obviously romantically framed (the immediate change in music when Zuko realises where the lightning bolt was headed, both of their expressions, Zuko's agonized "Nooooo", the slow-mo throughout the shot).

I am also aware that Zuko would've taken the lightning bolt for anyone. But it is the narrative that demands that Zuko take the lightning bolt for Katara and Katara only. Because this has atleast 10 different payoffs (a direct callback to the Book 2 finale where Azula had shot Aang with the lightning; the grief of which was for Katara to bear but this time Zuko himself stands between the lightning and Katara instead of being the silent spectator, the culmination of both Zuko and Katara's personal character arcs, Zuko's scar would parallel Aang's: Aang got it because he chose Katara over the world and Zuko got it because he was willing to give up the world to save Katara, etc, etc).

Tl;dr: The lightning scene wouldn't hold all that much weight if it wasn't Zuko taking the hit for Katara because the narrative literally demands it.

#2

This is where we start wading into really murky waters.

From mucking around on Tumblr due to Zutara feels™, I came across this post where some of the ideas for Book 4 were written:

• The Southern Water Tribe experienced the longest series of attacks from the Fire Nation. Zuko and Katara become political partners and work together to help end the animosity and repair relations between their two nations.

• Just like how Zuko learned to appreciate the Earth Kingdom, he would learn to appreciate the Water Tribes. Katara also learns to respect the complexity of Fire Nation culture. There is no such thing as an “evil” nation.

And that basically means that Zuko and Katara would've been working together to de-escalate the hostility between their respective nations and improve the relations between the two nations, while learning about each other's cultures simultaneously as the world would be in the process of being rebuilt after the war and they would be major role-players in shaping the new world.

Which is quite similar to how Oma strived for peace between the two villages and then as a result of the improved relations between the villages, the city of Omashu was built as a monument to the love story of Oma and Shu; which might just be symbolic of building a new world where both the villages could live in peace due to the initiative taken by Oma on behalf of herself and Shu.

The story would've come a full circle; that's all I'm saying.

If you've stuck around for this long, thank you for taking the time to read this long ass post with points that you may already have read ♥️

[hetalia-has-a-secretary]

Russia X Secretary: Fear of First time (2/2) (NSFW)

Let me know if you guys want a third and final part where they get down to the nitty gritty!

Read the first half here:

The room seemed to get warmer as Russia continued his loving attacks on her torso.

He had quickly discovered her interest in biting, and scratching, leaving red marks all over her stomach and sides. Her favorite spots where he elicited the best sounds was her hips. The soft flesh getting pulled by his teeth, forcing the secretary to buck her hips up. Along with her stretched skin.

He found his way to her thighs, and that's when panic set in. The secretary knew what he was about to do, and had to speak against it.

"W-wait! Please don't do what I think you're about to do..."

Russia had lifted his head, a confused look across his face.

"Do you not want me to-"

"No! N-nyet... Not today..."

"Why?"

She took a deep breath, covering her face.

"I-isnt that disgusting? I mean it's not exactly clean. What if I make you sick?"

All that could be heard was a low snicker rumbling against her leg, and the second of more kisses echoing through the room.

His hands stroked her through her jean. Skillfully making their way to the button and zipper, undoing it hastily. Russia heard the soft gasp and whine that came from her, but continued anyway.

He pulled her pants and undergarments down all at once, focusing on getting them of from around her hips.

"Sunflower, can you lift a little? They are stuck..."

She complied looking at him through parted fingers. Waiting for some form of dissapointment still. His face scrunched up as it caught the sight of her unkept bush and mound. She closed her eyes and feared the worst.

It never came. What she did get was another collection of kisses to her hips, and the sensation of fingers entangling themselves in her pubic hairs. Without warning they grasped at the bushel, and tugged. Earning a loud gasp.

He kept on her body. Tugging and diving in the soft flesh between her thighs. Each dip parting her legs until they were open enough to see the small pearl joined with the closed slit that ached to be stretched open. Russia gave it a light kiss, catching the musky smell from her core. He smirked and gave a loud sniff, causing the secretary to squeak and close her legs. Not that she managed because as soon as she moved he had already taken her bud into his mouth, sucking it.

The sensation shocked her. It wasn't anything like it was described in books or manga she read. It wasn't like electricity. It felt more like a spring that tightened more and more, only relaxing when he parted from her loin. The almost numbing tingle turning her on. She wanted more. Her chest hurting from the months of waiting and thinking about him.

Eye contact was made and she swallowed hard.

"Why did you stop?"

She got nothing but a mischievous smirk and a quirked eyebrow. A look he so often gave her when he's planning on doing something that usually had her flustered or frustrated by the time she learned what he was up to.

She never even noticed his hand as it slowly prodded her small hole. The secretary felt her face and chest burn red, and she squirmed from the contact. She couldn't help but notice the difference from now and when she was flying solo. His fingers much thicker than hers. Then he started to move around. She felt his digit testing her depth, and felt the full stroke as it left her womanhood. A small groan leaving her lips.

Russia watched her eyes close, and her eyebrows furrow. He never knew he could have this much patience for foreplay. But seeing her squirm made him courious. He wanted to test her limits. Going back in with his hand, he added a second finger, quickly changing from a gun shape, to a motion of beckoning her. His pointer and middle finger exploring her wet caverns until he came across a texture that surprised him.

It felt like a rounded sponge. It was porous, and not set very deep in her vag. He fiddled with it. Pressing harder against it, and quickened his past when her body seemingly shivered and bucked. He found a rather sweet spot on the back of that spongy section where it ran smooth again. He knew this was her O-zone. But this wasn't enough.

He brought his face closer to her clit, and bit it. His sunflower's voice blooming into a small howl. He attacked it again and again. Licking, sucking and biting while he rubbed that one spot in her core. The difference in texture making it easy to find.

He didn't stop until he heard a deep moan come from her, and felt her insides pulsing along with bucking hips.

"Are you okay? Or are you always like this when you cum?"

His question while giving a smile that made her look away from embarrassment. She had completely forgotten where she was in the moment. Tears pricking at her eyes. All to quickly he pulled his hand away, earning another squeak.

He whipped his hand against the sheets before kissing her gently, his knee against her crotch as she shyly grinded against it. Soft 'I loves you's whispered in Russian filled her ears as she held onto him. He told her how beautiful and pretty she was, and brought her to orgasm quicker than she ever could, but yet part of her still repented the pleasure. She couldn't figure out why, and decided to voice her concern out loud.

"How come after all this time it still hurts? Why does it still feel like my heart is breaking?"

He didn't respond, he let her have her moment.

"I hate it. I love you so much and you make me so happy but... Why does it always feel like something is missing? Why can't I just be normal? Why do I have to be such a pathetic crybaby?"

That last part caused Russia to falter in his kisses against her jaw. He felt guilty. It was a while ago he had told her that she was sometimes pathetic when she cried over certain things. He didn't mean it in a negative lighting, but he couldn't word it any other way. She was making such a big fuss over him not exactly enjoying the party America was throwing. Then he walked off on her to the balcony to which she followed, they had a heart to heart, and shared a brief kiss. He never realize his words affected her so much.

He pulled away, wiping the tears away from her cheeks, and swallowed his pride.

"That is not true..."

He couldn't help but think back to the times he was caught crying over dumb stuff like his loneliness, and solitaire life style. Having her console him with her own kisses and backrubs. Then it clicked for him all at once. Her mindset was his fault.

"It isn't your fault. You are not allowed to reprimand me for being guilty of emotions and then say terrible things like that! And... You are not pathetic when you cry! I just... I did not mean it."

Fingers ran through her hair as she looked away, a pained tone in her voice.

"I... I killed the mood... I'm sorry..."

"No, you didn't. This is my fault I- Do not cry. Tell me. What should I do? What will make you my happy little bear again?"

The new pet name made her whip her head around to face him.

"L-little bear?"

"Da! I am the big Russian bear, and you are my little Russian bear! But you are not really Russian, so little bear works, right?"

The blush hadn't left her face, but she felt another wave of heat rush through her body, and she smiled.

"I didn't know you thought about me like that... Shit"

"Hm?"

"I... I thought you didn't well... Nevermind it's kind of stupid."

Russia rolled his eyes, kissing her jawline again. Not bothering to push for answers. But what she said next did pleasantly surprise him.

"Can... Can we keep going?"

He gave her a shocked look, but smiled at her. More than happy to be so close to her.

"Da! It is time to be one~"

-End-