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kaz11283 · 3 years

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Of Course I'm Here

Characters: Come on you know by now how this goes (Loki x you) (Team x you, platonic)

Warnings: None. And really if you ever see anything that I might need to able as a warning please let me know... I'm the person who forgets there are people out there that get offened by the word F*** if that is an exapmle of anything.

Summary: Mid battle and the avengers keep looking for an answer as to why the God of Lies hasnt showed up yet. Of course you have no idea but at least he proves them all wrong.

ANNOUNCEMENT TIME: hey guys Im back, I know it hasnt been long but I also know I havent been posting every single day like I was, i got into a weird little funk where I didnt want to do anything, I was just feeling completly drained, and I felt bad because I have my little and I didnt even want to play with her because I have just been so TIRED, but I'm feeling better. Work has been kicking my ass here lately and ive been working over 50 hours a week so ive literally been coming in, eatting / feeding the little, getting us ready for bed, and crashing as soon as she falls asleep. But im here now. I will probably be more active on weekends than during the week because I have more time to spend working on stuff but I will be posting also during the week just not daily. At least until after state comes. Thank you so much for the reblogs, likes, comments, follows, and messages please keep them coming! If you would like to be tagged please ask or message, and requests are open. Love you guys so much! 💚💚💚💚💚

Loki Masterlist

~~~~~

"Y/N, BACK UP I NEED BACK UP! EYES IN THE SKY!" Tony yelled from above, you and Clint stood back to back on a roof top shooting as many bad guys as you could. Clint took aim at another carrier, shooting at the engine causing the entire thing to blow up raining debris and hot metal around you.

"Damnit Clint! Farther away make sure they are farther away!" You yelled popping him on the head with an arrow before aiming it at the thing that was chasing Tony.

"Where is lover boy at? You.sent him the location right?" Nat asked into the com.

"Yes I sent him the location, no I dont know where hes at." You mocked.

"Did you send him the right location?" Sam asked.

"One time, one dam-"

"Language!" Steve chimed in causing everyone to groan. Gun shots where ringing all around you and you could here metal on metal paired with Hulk screams coming from another building over.

"Language." You mocked muting your com son that no one but Clint heard you. "I am a 26 year old woman, I think I'm old enough to cuss if I want." You drew back your bow and sent another arrow flying into another goon that had Nat trapped aginst a wall. She shot you a thumbs up before running off. You hit unmute on your com.

"Jesus, 26? Baby, you sure you don't need to be at a babysitter instead of on a building killing things?" He laughed.

"Dont worry Hawk, when we get done here I've already booked you a nice nursing home to be put into." You put your bow around you and stood on the edge of the building. "I need a better view." You looked round, the top of a taller building caught you eye. "There Hawk, we can cover a better radius from up there, get closer to the action."

"DOES ANYONE KNOW WHEN THE GODS ARE GOING TO BE HERE? WE NEED MORE HELP WERE GETTING TIRED AND OUT NUMBERED!" Tony came over the coms screaming.

"How do we get up there? Or do I even wanna know?" Hawk came to examin where you were talking about.

"Im jumping, you cant tell me that someone wont catch me." You shrug.

"GODS WHERE ARE TH- Y/N DONT YOU DARE JUMP!" Tony stopped and hovered right were you was standing.

"Then take us over there. We need higher ground, we cant cover everyone from down here." You crossed your arms.

"Where are the gods at y/n?" He asked again

"I. Dont. Know. Jesus you guys act like I'm suppose to be there keeper!" A simultaneous you are came from everone through the com causing you to roll your eyes. "Hes gonna be here I swear it! Now take me to the building or I jump. 1.....2....-" Tony grabbed you by the collar of your jacket and flew you to the building.

God these things were everywhere and you were starting to run out of arrows. After shooting another ship and causing it to blow you heard what was unmistakably pounding on the roof top door leading to where you currently was at.

"I have some univited guests about to join my party. Anyone available for some assistance?" You yanked out the two emerald green and silver daggars that your boyfriend had given you not long after you had started dating after throwing your bow around you.

"Buy some time kid, I'm on ground level right now but I can try to get up there as fast as possible." Bucky called over the com.

"Buy some time? Ok. I can do this. I work better from afar but a little hand to hand never hurt anyone, just easier to get stabbed this way." The first of the things busted through the door running straight at you. You jerked out of the way missing his staff by just a few inches. Quickly turning you flipped the dagger like Loki had showed you and stabbed him in his side causing him to fall to the ground before the next one tried to impale you.

"I have two daggers and they have freaking staffs! Back up! WHERE THE HELL AR-" you were interupted by static in the air and a bright light. The bitfrost had just opened up leaving to gods standing in front of you and taking out the remainder ofnthe bad guys. "HES HERE! I TOLD YOU GUYS THEY WERE COMING AND THEY'RE HERE." You pulled two extra coms from you pocket and gave them to Thor and Loki.

"Always a pleasure to battle beside you Lady y/n." Thor smiled takkng the com and putting it in his ear before taking off again.

Loki sauntered over to you and put his arm around you waist, you put the com in his ear as he rolled his eyes. He leaned down and gave you a quick kiss.

"You got a new outfit." You smiled at him. God the way he looked in his battle clothe always did something to you, the horned helment was a plus.

"You like it." He smirked down at you pulling you closer.

"Your wearing your horns to." You reached up and brushed a peice if hair behind his ear.

"STOP. STOP NOW. WE CAN HEAR EVERYTHING AND ITS GROSS." Tony yelled causing you both to roll your eyes.

"Quick run down, bad guys everywhere, no end in sight, and I'm out of arrows pretty sure Hawk is too." Loki waved his hand over your quiver making more arrows appear.

"I see you had to use your daggers. I am sorry for not being here. Are you hurt anywhere?" He asked stepping away from you to examin you.

"Small cut on the side, nothing I havent dealt with before, Ill be fine. You go make sure Hawk is fully stocked up and help the others. I got a birds eye view of you right here." I leaned in kissing him one more time before smiling at him and pushing him away. He kissed his two finger before placimg them over his heart and you did the same, "always." You both said before he disappered.

You could hear Thor laughing at the chaos going on and Steve trying to direct the god of thunder on what to do. You had learned earlier to just let him do his own thing and he would be fine. Tony was still trying to micromanage everything when you heard Loki mumble something in an old language and his com cut out. You had figured it wouldnt have stayed on to long though but at least you had tried. It had calmed down up on your end so you decided to finally go back down to where Clint was at shooting an arrow with heavy duty rope you glided back down next to him to watch what was going on.

"Hello, earth to y/n." He snapped his fingers in front of your face. You had been to busy staring at Loki and that damn helmet. "I dont even understand why were friends." He rolled his eyes propping up on the ledge watching as the rest of the team secured the last of the bad guys.

"Because we both shoot arrows, because we are both the best in the team, or because we both know we are the best looking one on the team so we have to stick together." You laughed jumping up so you could sit on the ledge.

"The birds can come out of their nest now." Bucky called over the coms causing you both to sigh.

When you and Clint had reached the bottom you walked over to Thor theowing your arms around the big goof ball.

"You are amazing during battle as always." He beemed patting you on the shoulder.

"As always? Thor youve only fought with her twice." Steve said beside you.

"I had a week off. Went to Asguard, spent time with the boys. Someone had to keep them in line." You shrugged like it was no big deal.

"She was amazing!" Thor went on telling the story of the fight you had all gotten into.

"Mothers been asking about you by the way dear. Wants to know if you've decided to come stay for a while." Loki leaned down and whispered in your ear.

"I think I'm leaning toward a yes. I can't stand being away from you, you had been gone forever this time." You reached for his hand as you both walked to the quinjet.

"I was making arrangements to have our room redone. I figured you would come with me." He gave you a knowing smirk as he reached up to take off his helmet.

"Leave the horns on. I have a suprise for you when we get home." You pulled his hand away from his head and smacked his butt.

"You are a little minx." He laughed chasing you into the jet while the rest of the team groaned and rolled their eyes.

"Even if you wasnt moving i would be kicking your ass out! I am so sick of the PDA between you two." Tony hollared after you.

"Leave them alone Tony, they are courting. Im just glad my brother is happy and not trying to stab me." Thor clapped Tony on the back.

~~~~~

Tag List:

@kgirardin

@sophlubbwriting

@supbeeches

@high-functioning-lokipath

#loki laufeyson #loki odinson #loki #loki avengers #loki daily #loki fanfic #loki fanfiction #loki x reader #loki fluff #loki x y/n #lokilaufeyson #loki one shot #loki (marvel)#loki imagine #loki masterlist #loki and thor

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princeanxious · 3 years

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Ok I know I havent posted much recently and my activity has been sporatic and im sorry but I gotta vent about smth stupid(stupid as in frustratingly unfair, not stupid as in unimportant) cause I need to get it out before I break and scream or break and cry.

(Cw for below the cut, this is mostly abt boring adult stuff like dealing w/ insurance and dental visits and shit American healthcare)

I got dental work done, at least 2-3 months ago at this point. It was more than a hassle bc it took 3 seperate appointments for the main work to be done and due to stupid insurance rules, every trip was around 2 and 1/2 hour drive one way, each, bc i had to be in my homestate for it to cover me. It was exhausting. I had so much work done, I had to pay so much and ill be paying that off for at least another year.

I had to go back at least once more, 2 weeks later, because after the last proceedure, my teeth didnt like up right, and it was causing a massive amount of sensitivity to my front teeth. So another 5 hr roundtrip drive on my single day off for 15-30 minutes of an alignment adjustment on my teeth that maybe worked a little, I was giving it time bc i had been holding my jaw weird and theyd given me medicine for my teeth.

Funfact, i couldnt floss between one of my front teeth, mentioned it at this time, and they did an adjudtment by using some dental sand paper floss thing, idk, and it worked fine.

Well. I stopped needing the medicine for the sensitivity for a while, till it came back with a vengence this week. Except now its not sensitivity. Its. Constant. Pain. On the one tooth. They'd sanded a little. My guess is that it exposed or damaged one of the fillings.

Its not even been a month since my last trip back up there.

Ibroprophen every 4 hours helps only a little. I move house in 2 weeks. I havent had any time to pack anything of mine yet. I'm so fucking exhausted of being in constant pain.

I have a window of time to finally set up new insurance this month which I will be doing, but it likely wont kick in until december.

So my ultimatum is going to the same place to get them to fix what they fucked up and not pay more while also making another massive drive with time i dont have to maybe fix what theyved fucked up, OR risk going to somewhere new, without insurance, in my current state, and having to pay out even more money i dont have, or wait till december to fix this issue, which is not an issue that will wait that long without causing serious complications.

I'm so tired, yall.

#luka rants #luka vents #delete later #tmi cw

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zmayadw · 4 years

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Hello, hello!

Time to continue. I’ll post 2 parts again, so lets begin..

First one :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 11

Jessy came to Aurora shortly after, finding Phil and me sitting in the booth laughing and chatting. „You two are awfully cheerful.“ She said nearing us. „Hey Jessy“ i chimed back cheerfully „Well, Phil is a good company, how not to be cheerful.“ Phil grinned at her, wich made her look both of us skeptical „Yeah, yeah, if you say so.“ „Aww, sys, dont be so cruel.“ He teased her. She made a face at him, turning to me „You ready? Im starving!“ „Ready“ i told her, taking my stuff and getting up. „Cya, Phil, thanks for everything.“ I said, smiling at him. „No worries, Maya, glad we talked. Dont be a stranger.“ He said, winking at me as he got up and went towards the bar. „What was that all about?“ Jessy asked as we left the Aurora. „Oh, nothing really.“ I replied, wich made her look at me with doubt. I quickly tried to change the subject „So, where are you taking me for lunch?“ i asked, grabing her under her arm. „I tought some junk food is what we need after last nigh, hamburgers and fries might be a good choice.“ She grined. „I totally agree.“ We walked to the hamburger place, wich wasnt far from Aurora. We sat at one of the tables, and ordered some food. As we waited for it, she told me how Dan managed to wake up just before she left, begging her to drive his car back, and bring him some food. „He can really drive me crazy sometimes!“ she told me. „Aww, c'mon, thats why you like him.“ I teased, and she laughed. Our food arrived, and we started eating. After a while, i finaly told her, between my bites „I saw Jake last night.“ Jessy almost spat her drink. „What?“ she almost screamed „What? Where? Talk!“ I told her all about it, from the hoodie part, to where i left him standing. When i was done i added desperately „I messed up everything again, Jessy. I didnt hear him out, i was just so tired and frustrated.“ I sighed tiredly „Why is it always so hard with him?“ i paused before i said, sadness creeping in my voice „I just dont know how much more i can go on like this.“ Jessy looked at me, sympathy and care all over her face „I know, Maya. Its hard sometimes, God only knows how much.“ She started „Im just gonna say one thing. Just be totally sure you tried everything there is to get to the bottom of things with him, to be on the clear, once and for all.“ She paused before continuing „I can see how much it pains you, and i see you really care for Jake.“ „I do, Jessy, more then you can imagine. But im tired, so tired of constant fights with him, and not getting anywhere.“ „I know. And i really hope you will resolve it soon.“ She looked at me, giving me a reasuring smile „In the mean time, you can talk to me whenever you need a shoulder to cry on.“ I smiled „Thanks, Jessy. I really appriciate it, you have no idea how much it means to me. Im really greatful to have you in my life.“ She looked at me, took my hand and squeezed it „Im here for whatever.“ We continued with our food. When we wer nearly done, she oredered some food to take for Dan, and when it was done, we payed and left. As we walked back to the Auroras parking, Jessy asked me, all serious „Maya, what's going on with you and Phil?“ I looked at her „Aghh, its complicated.“ She stoped walking, and i did the same „Dont get me wrong, its non of my business“ she started „But to be honest, i've never seen Phil act like this, towards anyone. I think he's really into you, and, well, with all thats happening with Jake..“ „Dont worry, Jessy“ i said „I actually had a long conversation with Phil about all this earlier.“ She looked surprised „He knows about Jake?“ „Not exactly. I didnt mention Jake per se, but he knows something is happening.“ I paused before continuing „I like Phil, Jessy, and he knows it. But we came to a mutual understnding about it all, so noone could get hurt in any of this mess.“ She continued walking „Aright, thats good. He is a jerk sometimes, but he's my brother, and i do wish him well.“ „I know, Jessy, and trust me, i dont want for anyone to get hurt here. I hope all will get in the clear soon.“ „I hope so too, Maya“ she said, as we came to Dans car „I really hope so, for both your sake, and the others.“ She gave me a tight hug, before entering the car, and smiled „Im here if you need me.“ „Thanks , Jessy, same here.“ She started the car, honking as she drow off , me waving her as i entered my car. Driving to the motel i tought about all that Jessy told me. I hoped she was right, and things will get clear soon. I really was torn inside. I had some decisions to make, and not an easy ones. And i was scared.

When i got back to the motel i realized i left everything in such a mess, and decided to clean it. I collected the sutff thrown all over the floor. I grabed Jakes hoodie, burrying my face again in it and taking a deep breath. Damn, i tought, i wish i could talk to him, i need to know what will be with us. If there even is a possibilty of 'us'. And all that was going on with Phil was making me confused. My phone rang then, and i quickly put the hoodie on me before answering it. I checked the caller, it showed no number.. Could it be Jake? Then again, why would he hide his number? I answered the call „Hello?“ but there wasnt any replie. I said 'hello' few more times, before whoever was on the other side ended the call. Strange,i tought, but decided to ignore it, someone probably just dialed the wrong number. I continued with cleaning, realizing i should get some laundrey done. I saw a self-service laundrey in town, i should wisit it tomorrow. When i was done, i decided to try and do some work. I sat at the table, opening my laptop, putting some music on. It always helped me while working, and this time wasnt any different. At some point, i checked my phone ,it was past midnight. Nice, i managed to finish on the project i took, without any interruption. I closed the laptop and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. As i got to bed, i thought of Jake again. I hoped we would talk soon, i meant what i said to Jessy earlier, i really didnt know how much more i can go on like this. I sighed, closed my eyes, wishing sleep comes fast.

When i woke up i felt quite rested. Even tho my mind was a complete mess, i had a good night sleep. I took a shower, brushed my teeth and got dressed. I took the laundrey, grabed the car keys and my purse and headed for town. I parked near the self-service laundry place and took the stuff from the car. Putting the laundrey to be washed, i decided to go for coffe while it wasnt finished. I left the laundrey place, and walked to the coffee shop near by. I sat at the table outside, and ordered myself a big coffee and a toasted sandwich, might as well get some breakfast since im here. I took my phone out checking for some more work and found few interesting ones. Some alone time just working might be what i need now. I checked the news feeds and mail while drinking coffe. Jessy called at some point, telling she will be going to her sister for a few days, apologizing for leaving me on my own. I told her not to be silly, that i'd be working mostly eitherway, so she felt a bit less guilty about it. She promised we'll meet as soon as she's back, wich i acceptet cheerfuly. I was done with coffee so i paid and left. I collected my laundrey, deciding to get some stuff from the store before heading back to the motel, so not to do unnecessary trips to towns center every little while working. When i was done, i got all the stuff and headed back to the motel. I putted the stuff away, and clean laundrey in the closet. I went out of the room to get some ice from the machine by the entrance to the motels office. When i got back, i poured a drink and took my phone. There was a missed call on it, and the number was hidden. Again? What the heck, i tought. Work was calling, so i dismissed it from my toughts, and focused them on working instead. I worked till late again, before deciding i had enouhg, chrasing to bed.

The next day i spent most of it working. I stopped only to eat and drink something in peace, and i took a short walk to stretch my legs a bit. I took a shower before going to bed, luling my self to sleep with some movie on the tv.

On the next morning, after i got up, i decided to quickly go to town for some fresh coffee. I drove to town, stoping at the caffee and getting myself the biggest 'coffee to go' they had, heading back to the motel. I got back to working, but was interupted by my phone ringing after a while. I checked the phone, and smiled when i saw who the caller was. „Well, if it isnt my favorite barkeep!“ i cheerfully said in my phone. „Hello gorgeous.“ Phil answered me. „Where you hiding at?“ he asked. „Oh, im at the motel. Working my ass off.“ I told him. „I'v been lazy with it lately, so it's taking its tol on me now.“ „Aww, sorry to hear that.“ He said „But, even so, you need to take a break. Bring that pretty ass of yours to Aurora tomorrow night, we'r having a party!“ he said cheerfully, and before i could even start to protest „And i'm not taking a 'no' for an answer here!“ „Aww, c'mon Phil, thats not fair.“ i started teasingly „You took all the fun out of it! I'm good at protesting!“ He laughed „I bet you are. So, see you tomorrow?“ „Ofcourse.“ I said, adding „Hey, Phil, whats the party for, by the way?“ „Oh, right, i keep forgeting you're not from around here.“ He said. „And i tought Jessy might already told you.“ „Nop, she didnt tell me anything, and since she is with your sister, we havent really spoken much these last few days.“ „Ahh, i see.“ He said „Well, in that case, it's the Aurora's opening day anniversary, and its pretty packed for that night,with drinks being cheeper. So be sure to come early, i'll save you a seat at the bar.“ „Thanks, Phil. I'll bring myself and my pretty ass then.“ I said teasingly „Thats the spirit!“ He chimed. „Alrighty“ i said. „See you tomorrow, then.“ „Cant wait.“ He said „Laters, Maya.“ That migt be fun, i tought. And if im lucky, i might finish with work by tomorrow morning, so some fun would be like a reward for it. I continued working, and was happy that i actually finished before i tought i would.I checked the time. It was almost 3 in the morning! Ohh, guess i would sleep till late again tomorrow. And i didnt mind. The work was done, i had nowhere to rush, some sleep will do me good. I crushed to bed, burrying myself under the covers, sleep coming almost instantly at me.

#duskwood fanfic #duskwood mc #duskwood phil #duskwood jessy

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wickymicky · 4 years

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you know, i used to say that Egoist or Hi High were my number one favorite kpop songs (it went back and forth, i think i was most vocal about Egoist being my number one but there were times when i felt like it was Hi High), but like... idk... like aside from So What, i feel like i’ve barely listened to Loona at all so far this year, and honestly it’s been like six or seven months, maybe eight or nine, since i regularly listened to Loona every day (again, aside from So What).... i’ve listened to Egoist, a song that i considered my favorite kpop song hands down for the majority of the time i’ve been into kpop, like ten times this year and that’s it... and some of those times were because i had the thought “oh jeez i havent listened to this song in a long time, i should do that... i’m betraying it...”

i wonder if i only kept saying/thinking that egoist is my favorite kpop song because i said it once and i had to stick to it... i think its pretty clear to any mutuals i have that my actual favorite kpop song is something like picky picky though, a song i actually post about all the time and listen to really frequently...

so yeah, there’s no easy way to say this, but it really feels like i’m hanging on to Loona out of a sense of loyalty more than anything else :( it’s hard to put into words but listening to Loona feels kinda different these days. knowing more about how they decided things on the fly and how rushed the selection of the final members was (and how little the members were told) kinda... like... doesn’t it change how you listen to a song like New or Egoist? it certainly gives a lot more context to Yves being really shy in those first loonatvs she was in... and Olivia’s experience with her debut was such a whirlwind, like, she was just kind of thrust into the group... i have soooo much respect for all the members for being able to handle it, and i think it’s a fuckin miracle that it worked and they ended up with twelve incredible members, all of whom are so talented and any group would be lucky to have them, but even still just... some of the fun is lost a little bit for me. and I can’t listen to Everyday I Love You, one of my favorite Loona songs, without thinking of how much Vivi’s potential has been wasted. it turned a song that i have fun while listening to into one that makes me frustrated or sad.

for whatever reason, i feel less of that when listening to ot12 stuff, even if some members get shit for lines, tho tbh, and this is a really hot take and i’m sorry... but i’m really mostly just into their three title tracks (and Favorite i guess), i rarely listen to their bsides.. they don’t hit me the same way, i guess. anyway though it’s the predebut stuff that makes me frustrated or sad. i cant help but empathize and think of what they must be feeling in the predebut era... happiness and excitement sure, but also nervousness, anxiety, stress, etc... the one by one debut concept was novel and it ended up working out in a sense, but at what cost? it was able to work out because the yyxy members were brought in at the last minute, Hyeju literally with only like 24 hours before they were gonna reveal the next member, and with all the changes we know about like Vivi probably being intended to be in OEC and things like that, and trainees that BBC had who for whatever reason ended up being rejected also probably at the last minute in favor of the yyxy members who were brought on... sigh... idk

it feels like it’s getting harder and harder to be a fan of this group, too. as they get more popular and more recognition, the fandom is growing, and with that comes a lot more drama, none of which i particularly care about (aside from the stuff relating to the group itself, as i’ve been talking about). they got their first win, and i was happy at the time, but... i’m worried about their future. it’s not that i wish they didnt get their first win, it’s just... i hope this doesnt make BBC feel validated in overworking and over-controlling them, you know? i want to believe that a lot has changed for the better since after Butterfly, especially when Jaden Jeong left, but we just have no way of knowing that for sure. there’s evidence for both sides, so at the end of the day, all we can do is speculate, and that doesnt really help anything.

it sucks to admit this to myself but i feel like i’m losing interest in this group because of all this. whenever i’ve watched loona content from the So What era, sometimes they do seem happy, but even then there’s this feeling that they’re stressed and tired. are they happy? again, we can only speculate, so it’s best not to, but i cant stop my idiot brain from assuming the worst and picking up on signals that might not even actually be there, it’s just confirmation bias. maybe i only feel like theyre not at 100% because i’m already worried theyre not at 100%, you know? hmmm. also, i just... don’t think i feel the same connection with this group that i used to. maybe i never really did, tbh. they were my first group, my introduction to kpop, and i genuinely love some of their stuff still, but i feel like as i’ve gotten sooooo much more understanding of this whole kpop industry and i can put loona’s discography in context with aaaaaallllllll the other kpop songs i’ve listened to.... i feel like a lot of their stuff hasn’t aged as well as i would want, for me. you know how sometimes you wonder how much of what you like is really stuff you like, and how much is only because other people like it so you subconsciously feel you have to too? well, at first i would have said i genuinely love all of it and i could explain why, but idk i think i was convincing myself of some of it... as ive found more stuff that i genuinely love, it becomes clearer what are my things and what arent, you know? when i only knew 30 kpop songs and had 5 super-favorites, it was easier to overestimate some things, but now that i know hundreds and have a really deep pool of super-favorites, some of that early stuff i found is overshadowed, i guess. maybe egoist isnt as special to me anymore cause like.. at the time, i hadnt heard many kpop songs like it, but now... i have. and some of them do what it does just as well................. if not better............... sigh, i feel like im punching my past self in the gut

if this hurts you to read cause you’re a huge orbit, trust me, i know what you mean, it hurts to admit this. it kinda sucks to realize that you’re slowly losing interest in something you once loved and was incredibly important to you.

oh and by the way, when i talk about losing interest, i dont mean that i dont care about loona anymore lmao, i just mean theyre going from my number 1 or 2 or 3 spot down to like my number 5 or 6 or 7 spot haha, alongside other groups that i like a lot but don’t follow the same way i follow my ults. so like even if i continue feeling this way about them, theyre still one of my favorite groups lol. like i guess i would kinda place them around where i would place twice or another group like that in my top 10? anyway... i just had to get this all off my chest. it started out being a post just about egoist and kinda hi high too, but then i realized i had a lot more to say haha, sorry. hopefully this doesnt upset anyone, idk, i hope you understand where im coming from :(

#ive realized the exact same thing about fromis 9 too.. theyve actually been hit harder by this than loona for me #but thats not as much of an existential crisis lol #for me #long post #really long post #writing #personal #and before anyone says that its not a big deal and i can like whatever i want.... i know that #it kinda is a big deal to me though and genuinely makes me feel like im betraying my roots lol #even tho ive only been into kpop in general since like february 2019 #its been an intense year since then though... in terms of discovery... and my journey into this kpop mess...#so i formed strong attachments really fast

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dontyouhearmehowling · 5 years

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oh my god. Ok so I just scrolled through your blog and my heart hurts because there is so much love and just so much stuff I can relate too and I just ahhh damnnn it I cant even but like can I please have the story of your relationship with this girl your with? please? i'm a hopeless romantic I feel too much I love so hard my own love life is complicated but i know the kind of love you talk about thats exactly how i love the love of my life too so yours is a story I need to hear

ok so. it all started on April 31st, 2018. i reblogged one of those ask games and she sent me an emoji that said “i’m too scared to talk to you but i think you’re great” and i was like do it!!! and she did!!!! she texted me after i had already gone to sleep tho, so i only answered the next day. but then we talked all day. and the next. and the next. and we never ran out of things to talk about and even only knowing her for a few days i already felt comfortable enough with her to talk about anything?? it was wild. since day 1 we’ve had this connection that i’ve never had with anyone else and its my favorite thing in the world. after like a week we already had a bunch of inside jokes, something that i’d never had before, and i was already crushing on her. ok so we became very close friends like immediately, and i mostly ignored my crush on her bc i thought she didn’t like me back and usually i’d get meaningless crushes on everyone at first before i met her. but then this other girl and i started flirting and i realized i didnt like her bc i liked c too much, so i broke things off and kinda went like “oh shit this is real” and decided that i’d just stay friends with c until i eventually couldnt take it anymore and had to tell her abt my feelings bc thats how i am. anyways ok cool meanwhile i made her watch the good place on rabb.it with me which will be relevant later.

ok so fast forward to may 21st or something around that time. its time to sleep bc i have school the next day so we say goodnight, but then i guess she says something or reblogs something and i get sad bc i realize she doesnt like me back. so i make some hashtag sad posts abt yearning and then i realize i told her i was going to sleep and i didnt want her to think i didnt want to talk to her so i text her again and say like “ok i was going to go to sleep but then i got sad abt my crush” and SHE GOES “you have a crush????????” and im there like. what in the hell bc not only did i not try to hide it At All, i constantly posted about it and had an entire tag about her and i thought it was pretty obvious. so anyways i go “yes?? i thoought you knew that?? im literally always posting about it??” and she asks me to talk abt the crush and who it is. i say “just stalk the tag if u want, im going to sleep” then shes like “nO WAIT WHO IS IT” and im like. blatantly ignoring that and my heart is already beating out of my chest but she Really wants to know and then at one point i say “please dont make me answer that” so shE SAYS “you’re making me think that its me” and i say “i dont know what you want me to say” and SHE GOES “I WANT YOU TO SAY THAT ITS ME BC I HAVE A HUGE CRUSH ON YOU” so i just. die. right then and there. also yknow we talk about it and its like after 1 am and im just happier than i’ve ever been. ok so 2 days later she asks me out Officially and its great and shes the cutest gf ever and she made me feel more wanted than i’d ever felt in my entire life. then 6 days later she sends me a big big big text on tumblr and long story short (bc it was kinda personal), she would be deleting her all social media for the summer.

so she was gone. and we had only dated for a week at this point, but we’d known each other for 2 months, and i already loved her. i already knew she was the love of my life. i didnt even try to move on, i’d tell people i didnt wanna move on cuz i knew i was meant to love her. i had another blog like this that i used to talk about how much i loved and missed her (so like. exactly like this). i literally reasoned with myself that like. that happened because before i met her i was in a really bad place after a terrible relationship and i was almost giving up on finding someone who actually made me feel loved bc i thought it would never happened, so i was like “ok so i was in a really bad place, so the universe brought my soulmate a little early just for a while so that i would know i had to hold on, and when its actually time for us to be together, it will bring us to each other once again” like i actually told myself that, in those words. and yknow what? i wasnt even wrong. on july 15th she texted me from an empty tumblr with her old url and at first i literally couldnt believe it but we talked for hours and hours and i asked her what happened bc i thought she was disconnecting for the summer and she said “i was. i am. i just couldnt not talk to you anymore” and she said that she thought about me every single day, and i told her i missed her and she said she didnt text sooner bc she thought i’d be angry at her and ofc i wouldnt, i could never be angry at her and besides, she was just taking care of herself and i said i dont think i could be anything less than head over heels for for, and she said she felt the same way, but wasnt ready to be more than friends yet. but that had always been more than enough for me. just having her in my life would always be more than enough for me. so we stayed friends.

then, on august 9th i got this ask.

and she saw it after i said i was gonna go to bed (bc again, i had school the next day) and she texted me a whole thing about how that was the nicest thing anyone had ever said about her and that i should be asleep but she had to get it out of her chest and that her anxiety made it hard for her to show how much i meant to her so she was sorry if i didnt know and this would probably make no sense but she was tired of keeping it to herself bc shes the luckiest person alive for having met me and that it was gonna be so hard because shes so difficult (shes not) and her anxiety is difficult but that she literally spent every night thinking about me and of buying plane tickets to come see me so that she could be with me. then she was like “im sorry if this is uncomfortable to you and you can just ignore it but i think im in love with you and this is over text and not romantic at all (it was the most romantic night of my life) but you’re asleep (i wasnt) and we arent together but i want to be one day” and until this i was Trying to fall asleep and then i checked my phone that kept RINGING and died a thousand times over and started to answer and she sent other texts saying “i’ve never felt this way about anyone before i’m so in love with you its fucking ridiculous and this is gonna be so complicated but fuck i want this so bad / i’m sorry it took me so long / would you move to new york with me?” and i was This Close to literally fucking exploding like. how the hell was this happening how was it not a DREAM. so we talked and i obviously said i loved her too and eventually she asked me out and thats still probably the best night of my life. other highlights: “i’ve loved you way before august 9th so jot that down” and “off topic but i love you / you’re honestly my other half” and, after i said “you cant make me laugh its 2am”, she answered “i’m going to make you laugh for the rest of your life so help me god” and thats my favorite thing anyone has ever said to me probably and so far she’s kept her word.

anyways we got back together and then she told me that she never even told her friends she broke up with me??? bc that way she could keep pretending we were still together???? literally like sjdksndk imagine being this loved. i dont have to. anyways she wrote poems abt me sometimes and her christmas gift for me was gonna be a book with all her poems and she called it “what we owe to each other” because of the good place (remember how i said it’d be relevant later? its later) bc like she said that when we were watching tgp together on rabb.it thats when she realized that she Really Truly liked me like For Real. and the inscription on the book was going to be “to the girl i love / and what i owe her” and. yall. i cry. anyways one of the poems had a huge impact on us. heres the story:

and she got them but we broke up before she got to mail them to me. what happened was she had some mental health problems and she said she couldnt give me what i needed at the time but knew i’d still give her my all bc thats just how i am and she thought it wouldnt be fair so she broke things off to work on her mental health. she said she would need some time before we could be friends. the last thing we said was that we loved each other. this was in like november 2018, and we didnt talk for months. i actually tried to move on this time after a while, but it didnt take. and then i gave up for good. havent tried since. but anyways, then, on march 11th, 2019, i had my first day of college back in my home country, and we have this “pranks”/games that seniors get to do to the freshmen, and one of them required eggs, and they asked us to paint them, so i panted mine as iron man bc it was easy, but c LOVES iron man. like. LOVES. like in a Whole New Level of loving. once when we were dating she said she loved me more than tony stark and i was like. shook. like she tattooed “T.S” on her ankle after him. u get the point. she loves him very much, its adorable and endearing and i love it. anyways. so i sent her a picture of it saying like “you dont have to answer this but i made this for my university and i thought you would like it” and she answered and IMMEDIATELY something clicked and we talked and talked and talked and it was never weird or awkward or uncomfortable. it never is with her. its incredible, i cant explain it. i Know shes my soulmate like thats the ONLY possible explanation for this kind of connection. its unreal. anyways. we became friends again! all was well.

then one beautiful night she drunk texts me sndjkajs she sends me so many texts and says it sucks that we live so far away and that she saw my posts (in this particular case, one that said something about like. when she talked about love now, was it about someone else?) and she said that it wasnt. and then she went to sleep and i only saw the texts when i woke up and i was DYING bc we had a 4 hour difference and it’d take a while for her to wake up. when she did, we talked and she said she wasnt over me and was scared she might never be, and even though we were still gonna stay friends, it was nice to know that she still loved me. ok so fast forward a bit more and i was starting to wonder if she’d moved on again, when she finds out her best friend had a crush on her, and that conversation ends up with her saying “it was 100% platonic for me / sorry if thats weird i just wanted you to know that” and it was NOT weird it was GREAT NEWS bc i was Hella jealous of her best friend and at first i wondered if they were dating and anyways the fact that she wanted me to know that was a pretty good hint that she still had feelings for me. ngl im still somewhat jealous of h (c’s best friend), but thats just bc im an insecure lil bitch and also bc they get to go out and do stuff together that i cant do with c bc of the distance, yknow? but anyways. then she went on a graduation trip in mid to the end of june and she bought me a magnet. just. out of nowhere. i cannot stress enough how Incredibly unexpected this was. so much so that i actually convinced myself that it meant she was over me????? literally. what the fuck. anyways we named him together and coincidentally (or bc of soulmate powers. who knows) we both had the same favorite names. i still love that.

okay so then we go to july 29th, 2019. first of all theres one of my favorite interactions Ever which was like after i was venting about something and i was thanking her and i said “you’re always here for me” to which she answered “nowhere else i’d rather be” and i still think thats peak romance and i will take no criticism on this. anyways so then she sent me a poem that she wrote based on a song i’d sent her (the song i called “heaven is a place” and its the BIGGEST mood for being in love and i sent it to her bc it was how i felt about her so her writing a poem about it?? literally the best thing ever. love it) anyways it was a beautiful poem and i cried and got very emotional and kinda went too far in my compliments (aka being very obvious about my romantic feelings) and then i was like oh no sorry if i made u uncomfortable and she was like. “you have NEVER. EVER EVER EVER EVER made me uncomfortable” “you’re the only person on planet earth i am comfortably myself around” and “there’s nothing you could ever say that i wouldn’t wanna hear” and anyways it was just very good and romantic conversation even tho we were just cough cough platonic hashtag gal pals hashtag no homo ✌️ and then she was like ok wait. i need to talk to u abt something. and in short she said she was waiting for us and i was like well what are you waiting for exactly? and she was like idk?? for us to accidentally bump into each other in new york in a few years?? WHICH WAS LITERALLY WHAT I’D DAYDREAM ABOUT BACK IN JUNE 2018 BEFORE SHE CAME BACK OKAY so anyways we had a Great conversation and said i love you about a thousand times each and she decided she was gonna buy tickets to come see me. and then she dID like TWO DAYS LATER. lichrally. queen of impulsivity but in the best way possible.

—————

ok quick edit here cuz i forgot to say that when i found out she was coming i asked for my mom’s help to make a necklace pendant for her from scratch. my mom works with prosthetics so she has the material to make jewelry and back when c and i were dating in 2018 i had made this lil design for a necklace that had the moon and the ocean (bc duh) and i was gonna give it to her for valentines day in 2019 but we broke up before that so i didnt get the chance, but when i found out i was meeting her i knew i had to. so i made the necklace in wax, like this:

and my mom took it to her work and heated it up to melt it and keep the shape of it to fill with silver, and this was the result:

i gave it to her when she got here and she wore it while she was here and it made me so happy. ok edit over

—————

ok so we kept being like couple-y but not officially in a relationship bc we didnt want to make her anxiety worse. also at one point she was like “so about the ‘i love you more than the moon/ocean’ thing, since we BOTH love BOTH of the moon AND the ocean, i think its only Fair if we update our love declarations to ‘i love you more than the mocean’ bc its mix of both but thats not a word, buT its pronounced exactly like ‘motion’. therefore we should both start saying ‘i love you more than the motion’”. so now we have both the wonderful, romantic, original version, and the NOT ROMANTIC AT ALL DO U HEAR ME C??? version :) and after this day she always started with the WORST!!!!!! version, and i always started with the Only Valid Version, but we’d still answer each other’s ofc because. well. thats love i gues?? it sorta goes like this though: her: i love you more than the motion / me: i hate u / me: i literally hate u so much / me: i Also love you more than the motion

but anyways she was coming to visit me but the plane ticket wasnt for my home country it was for where i was going to university at (a new university, i was starting over) and when i first got here on this campus, i didnt have a working phone number for this country, and i wouldnt be able to access the wifi for 3 days, so i had no way of talking to her. it was TERRIBLE and i missed her more than anything in my LIFE but when i got wifi (after CRYING to the people here bc theyre the most unorganized uni ever and i was already very overwhelmed and stressed) i immediately called her and she’d sent me over 100 text messages dkfjssjks it was amazing, there were two (2) videos of her singing (which is like. objectively the best thing in the world, and the song was rlly romantic and i love it sm when she showed it to me for the first time she said it made her think abt me), a poem, AND a HUGE text with “i love you” written like. a THOUSAND TIMES. seriously i have a gif of it opening and scrolling bc it was so long that the text wouldnt show up directly on the chat screen and u have to click on it to see the rest. i’d never felt more loved in my entire life by anyone ever. anyways so then it came the day for her to get here and i had to wake up at 5 am to go get her at the airport and the uber was like $40 but who CARES it was the best day of my LIFE and i got there 20 minutes earlier bUT GUESS WHAT SO DID SHE (hashtag just soulmate things) then we facetimed the entire time while she was walking through the airport and getting her luggage and then she hung up to walk to the door where i was and we hugged for like 5 minutes and we were totally in people’s way and also almost fell but it was the best thing in the world and i never should’ve let her go. but, we had to go home, so i did. and we spent 4 days together and im not gonna go into details bc this is already too long but u can always send me another ask about her visit if ur not a coward. also i bought her a hoodie from my uni and whenever she wears it i just. die. in short, those days were the happiest i’ve ever been. this campus res had never felt like home before that friday and it hasnt again since that monday, but i swear to god, during those 4 days, this was the only place i could possibly belong.

anyways then she left and i cried for the entire uber ride home and then i cried all day. lmao. also when she was here she gave me the poetry book, the magnet, and the bracelet. still wear the bracelet every single day and i love it more than anything. but then personal stuff happened and we kinda stopped being couple-y again and we’re just friends now but before new years i asked her if she still loved me and she said yes and she said she’d tell me if it changed so ✌️✌️ im assuming it hasnt. even tho my brain is a bitch and everyday its like. today. today is the day. this is when its gonna happen. buT yknow we’ve spent months before without even talking to each other and we got through that still in love, so i mostly ignore it. and tbh i know that actually like, even if we grow apart now (god forbid, but still) we’ll find our way back to each other eventually. like, i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again: nothing, not even the universe itself, can convince me that shes not my soulmate. and even if it turns out i’m not hers, loving her is still the greatest honor i can think of.

another edit: also i started drawing recently and the first person i’ve ever finished drawing was her and also (surprise surprise @c since you’re already seeing all my feelings anyway) bc of my second drawing i almost missed the deadline for one of my midterms (which was a take-home test) bc instead of writing it i spent the entire day before the deadline finishing the drawing which was a secret valentines day gift (secret as in she didnt know it was supposed to be a gift, she thought it was just a drawing inspired by a quote that she loves) and i finished at 2 am but shes 3 hours behind so for her it was still 11 pm which MEANS it was still valentines day so it still counts, i win, lesbian rights!

#mine #l #answered #dont rb #i dont think anyone will but this is personal and i dont want to risk it getting out #i wanna have this bc i love telling people this story and next time someone asks i’ll just send them this post

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cleaduvalls · 5 years

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i watched all 20 episodes of "spy kids: mission critical" twice in about a week and here are my thoughts (pt 1/5)

these will be divided into 4 episodes per post so they stay about the same length as one spy kids movie

1.1

no theme song. :/

wow specific location

wow. we love lying to our spouses

greg actually kind of sounds like greg??? like ingrids not right in the slightest but greg sounds like greg

oh yeah i call him greg instead of gregorio bc thats Too Many Syllables

i dunno id rather go on an adventure

oh!!!!! ingrids hair!!!!! cute

they look like friggin iron knuckles from cadence of hyrule

how do you..... classify a move

also why would they teach agents to counter a move that they also taught the agents

dont you mean SWAT

is that tom kenny?????

thats not carmen. i dont care WHAT you say. thats not carmen

shes 14???

since when can he build???

since when do they LIVE at the oss?????

thats a ball. not a blob

oh mood

juni your voice is so squeaky

Every Villain Is Lemons

is this a separate universe????? we already know about the third brain program. and you cant claim that people havent seen the movies cuz theyre ALSO on netflix

the experiment wasnt FUTILE it actually went really well. yall are just cowards

you can destroy gold???? like its not DIAMOND

did golden brain go through childhood??? or did he just.... spawn as an adult????

alliteration

take a wild guess carmen

why are you wearing jeans in the DESERT????

"sis"??? who says that

oh boy fart jokes already

little brothers, cuz youre younger, were related, and youre boys

did you mutate the agents too?????

oh i feel you juni

oh boy butt jokes

carmen youre 14. where im from you COULD have a job at certain places

is he... gonna kill them?????

oh!!!! the mimicking is back!!!

theres no way you had taco butte in the last 5 minutes

teenagers?????? the franchise is spy KIDS get it right

there SHOULD be, yall are licensed spy kids

roll credits

juni stop trying to be a lone wolf it never works youve seen all 4 spy kids

i want to be her

are you.... knighted?????? or are you just british

hes like 11 what do you expect from him

ahavschaj acemate

carmens FACE she looks HIGH

finger guns???? hes bi

THUMB THUMB!!!!!!!

TOM thumb thumb!!!!!!

F L O O P!!!!!!!!!

nvm i want to be HER

im sorry how the H*CK did you just say fegan???????????

piercings!!!!!

and i OOP-

aztec???? bc the aztec death spiral??? nice

maybe im a little biased bc floop but shes my favorite

why are the parents here

who calls it a cuddle bear?????? its a teddy bear what are yall on

oh i love carmens socks

i gotta say im living for goldies aesthetic

haha coward

to be fair hes from the outback, they have friggin emus. those things are creepy

:0 sneaky

nice timing

1.2

wow ig there really is no theme song :(

how can he sleep with a TEACUP

i think at some point youd just... fall asleep????

wow big flex

and i OOP-

scorpions so mean i love her

for like 3 seconds that animation looked like a friggin barbie movie

i thought thumb thumbs couldnt hold things???? like thats their whole point

did she hang up on them?????

when your mom said she wouldnt get mad if you tell the truth so you tell the truth and she still gets mad

K A N Y E?????????

oh no they all have died

drowning a chainsaw????????

PLENTY OF PEOPLE

my parents whenever im tired

did you not hear her name shes clearly immortal

stop yelling

at that point he shoudknt have even been able to drink the milk

why are the spotlights on carmen

*2 hours later*

dont put the phone on the desk????? have you not have a teacher give you detention for that????? i have

i think its pretty obvious what he was dreaming about

in the subtitles the u has the dots but hes not pronouncing it right. it should be more "keurp-ka-kay", not just "coop-ka-kay"

everyone has weird dreams????? step off ace

class lasted for 5 minutes wtf

do the three of them share a phone???? thats what it says in her contacts

ok visage thats a little too far

i hate this dude so much

visage shes allowed to be on her phone shes not in class

psi???? like earthbound????

😔

theyre not wrong

STOP YELLING

thats?? not possible?????? youre just weak

why are you saying that out loud

dude stop im dying of second hand embarrassment

wait the sign with the transcribed words doesnt have the ü. so how he pronounced it WAS right they just messed up the subtitles

i thought there was only ONE of its kind why do they EACH have one?????

why did so many people lose????? it seems pretty straightforward

also i love her ringtone

is that tom kenny again??????

thats.... not how it works

he should not have made that

so the big reveal is that it was his mom, but how does he know shes a cortez now?????? she was avellan at that point

take a wild guess

spurious??????? why are you using his first name

i dont???? think you can????????

1.3

the beats pretty good, im tapping my feet

i love his voice

thats not disco thats TECHNO

actually discos probably right. hes german and in germany clubs are called diskos. the music hes playing is pretty clubby, therefore it would be disco

she has spotify premium???? nice

ooooh scorpion has bed curtains!!!!

why do both cortezes have the floor bed???

how can juni hear aces music???? did his headphones get unplugged????? is it just super loud?????

sounds more like kids music than folk music

HOLY CRAP HES LISTENING TO THE WIGGLES (no offense to the wiggles)

yes hes a heavy sleeper we discussed this last time

he has a bazooka you might wanna run

"carmen is not here" me too carmen, me too

glitch chill

oh yay piss jokes

how does so much stuff come out on the floss

she was asleep???????? take it easy glitch

creative name

also the music sounds like it came right out of cadence of hyrule??????? which could be possible bc the girl who voices glitch also voiced link

glitch its clearly a virus

carmen you can go, psi can handle this

hes so protective of his records im dying

BAHAHA she said "worm?" and ofc my dumb ass thought she meant worm as in "oh worm?"

1.4

i had a whole bunch but tumbr decided to delete it and i dont wanna rewrite it so we missed the last 4 minutes of 1.3 and the first 8 of 1.4, sorryyy

it doesnt matter anyway no ones gonna read this

this whole point system was in the fourth movie, get some new plot points

is that really a good idea carmen???

throwback to when i was a kid and wanted to learn australian

oh no they died

JUNI NO YOU SAID IN THE THIRD MOVIE TO N E V E R SPLIT UP

sheilas a great name shut up

listen i see mirages all the time in the summer but how do you see a fake building???? its always a puddle of water

yeah the outback STEAKHOUSE

you sound like youre on crack

oh no he died

one time i ate a bug bc i thought it was some leftover dorito i had stuck in my teeth

hes pretty good at shelters, did you not see the second spy kids???

hey he calles him juni!!!

s n e a k y

what even is heat rash?????

STOP YELLING

nice STEALTH you tell him he has nice STEALTH

#spy kids #spy kids mission critical #mission critical #spy kids spoilers #spoilers #juni cortez #carmen cortez #fegan floop

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jrspore · 6 years

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Help out the mod

Hey guys, i really hate to ask for help but i’m kind of in shitty situation financially at the moment.

Due to multiple circumstances i am currently unable to work, and i am at a point where i have £0.50 in my bank account,

I am in the process of applying for government assistance which i have been informed i am entitled to due to my current circumstances, but in order to even apply for it i need to get a doctors note and then book a meeting with the citizens advice bureau, and then they will need to assess my case to see if i’m eligible and how much i will receive each month.

All of this stuff together will take a lot of time, i have already booked a doctors appointment but the earliest one isn’t for about 3 weeks, and during this time i am in a pretty bad place financially.

If anyone has any spare money that they can donate, the link to my Ko-Fi is Ko-fi.com/jrspore or if you want to donate directly my paypal is [email protected]

Commissions are also open but i already have 2 quite large commissions i am currently working on, but due to a new medication i have been prescribed i have been feeling really low and have been having a hard time working as fast as i need to, so i wont be able to finish them soon if you do commission me.

I know all of you helped me out recently and i hate to ask again, but i dont really have anywhere else to turn, my mum is currently unemployed and just had knee replacement surgery, I cut myself off contact with my dad a few months ago after he left us all and i dont want to go and ask him for money.

Sorry if this is all really rambly, i havent been able to sleep all night and im feeling really tired, If any of you could share this post or donate i would greatly appreciate it.

Thank you

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iceamericanoventi · 6 years

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Love Will Find a Way, Well, Eventually : 2. In Between

“Where are you going?”

If it was inside Cartoon Network’s universe, everyone must be able to see the smoke fuming from both his nostrils and ears. Jinki looks beyond distressed when he’s lifting his ass from the chair. No one on the table was his partner, but Minho decided to throw some ridiculous question then played dumb as if he didn’t just ask one.

“Should I have number one here?”

He started getting irked, but that doesn’t stay long until Kibum casually munched his breadstick while spluttering his witty comments as usual, “Surely Taemin would be delightful.”

Taemin who didn’t do anything almost chocked himself with a piece of tomato and kicked Kibum’s shin under the table, eventually.

“Promise me you won’t run away?”

Dumbfounded, Jinki emptied his pocket and almost smashed the table with his belonging.

“Are you my husband? Here’s my wallet. And my phone!” and with that, he left the other three men finishing their meal.

“Is he always in this temper?”

Lee Taemin gave him another look, pleading him not to embarrass them further, but Kibum just shrugged and muttered ‘I’m just asking’ under his nose.

“He was mad with me since this afternoon. Plus, he has lots of stuffs to think about these days. But don’t worry, he never really got mad unless you disturb his nap.”

“What is he? A bear?”

“Yaa! Kim Kibum!”

Minho couldn’t help but laugh to the scene happened before his eyes. Taemin is famous for being friendly and very expressive only if you know him, even if he’s talkative. To penetrate his bubble is very hard at first, but this man sitting across him, he seems like he’s already inside that bubble since the very beginning. He really is someone closed to him. Kibum looks mesmerizing, even in his grumbling nature. The oversize sweater wrapped his lithe build perfectly.

A phone call arrived to Kibum's phone, he picked it up frantically and excused himself to take it outside.

"What do you think?"

“Eh?” Minho doesn’t even realized he got his eyes entailed Kibum’s silhouette until it disappear by the entrance door.

“You seemed in trance. I know Kibum is beautiful but I didn’t expect you’ll be this amazed with my friend,” Taemin’s sipping his wine, a smirk is very apparent in his devious face.

“I guess it’s safe to say that you’re not a liar.”

Minho reopened his mouth few minutes after he’s assured that Kibum’s not going back any soon. Taemin is not ecstatic, sometimes he wondered if Minho has a decent sense of humor of a friend.

“For your information, I’m not and never been. I’m the most honest person you’ve ever encountered in your life.”

“Everyone in this room knows that’s not true.”

“Whatever. I might know my ways deceiving people, but I never lie to my friend.”

“Did you just admit that you’re lying here and there, Lee Taemin?”

Taemin rolls his eyes, again, probably for the nth times already this evening. Without Jinki around, he can be more relaxed on throwing his tantrum on Minho.

“Choi Minho, people lies at some certain points of their life. Get over it.”

He gulped down the rest of his wine, Taemin then called a waiter near them to bring him another one.

“Kibum seems nice. He sounds smart.”

“Sounds? Did you even listen to yourself? No writer is not smart, Choi. Moreover, someone who’s been writing the past decade!”

“I only know him for one night. Who knows he’s just acting?”

“Dude, not everyone is an asshole like you.”

“An asshole wouldn’t agree to bring his best friend along in front of a psychopath like you.”

Taemin snorted and Minho’s smirk reappeared on his face.

“That is literally what a psycho would do, selling their friend for their own benefits.”

Minho wiped his mouth before washed down the dinner with cold water, “And that’s exactly what Jinki accused me for. You two shared a brain or what?”

“Any sane people would say the same, Honey,” this time Taemin’s smirk that made the other scoffed, “By the way, what’s the deal with Jinki? He looks like he’s been sitting on thorny cushion the whole dinner!”

Minho knows Taemin would ask such question eventually. However, he couldn’t say that Jinki hates the whole dinner date plan, it’s impossible. Besides that, knowing him for years, Jinki really is an angel in disguise, well, at least when he’s in the mood.

“People have different, what should I say, defense mechanism? And that’s how he is. What kind of person who talked nonstop during their first meeting, anyway?”

“Oh, I don’t know, me?”

“That’s why you’re a freak.”

“A freak who introduced you to your potentially next boyfriend.”

“Ha. Point taken,” Minho raised his hand to ask for the dessert, “Jinki is just not the type of person who will talk a lot and open up in a second. But I guarantee you, he’s a good person. Sometimes a little bit care too much for other at certain time so probably being brazen is his forte.”

“That reminds me of someone.”

Taemin and Kibum spent their high school days together. Separated for some years due to works and educations, their relationship’s all well maintained. They understand each other, including Kibum’s nature to always put others before him at any given situation.

“Appearance wise, though, what do you think about Jinki?”

“Choi Minho, I’m not a teenager anymore. Judging people around by its cover is no longer my habit.”

“But a designer like you must love a beautiful package, don’t they?”

“Well, to be honest, his lips and eyes itself could get me floored in one glance.”

“I knew it.”

“You’re a famous photographer for a reason.”

***

Cold wind slapped Kibum’s cheeks lightly when he pushed the door and parched to the corner near the valet post.

“Okay, now you can speak. Sorry, I don’t know why the reception wasn’t good enough inside.”

“Then I’ll be frankly here. There’s a possibility for making the special edition for the short story collection. But then, we’re still short of two stories at the moment.”

“Wait, wait, but we already have nine! I finished writing nine! Why should I add another two?”

“The publisher agreed to the preposition for at least twelve stories. You should be grateful I could pitch one less story!”

Kibum looks like he’s about to punch anyone passed within radius one meter around him, but nothing in reach besides a huge pot of short palm tree and concrete wall. And he needs his hand to finish his books still.

“But, Amber. Page wise, those are more than enough to make two new books. Are they out of their mind?”

There’s a loud groan banging on his ear drum came from the other line, “Dude, I almost flipped the table when I was at the meeting you have no idea. The board has new man and that guy is a pain in the ass.”

“Would it change the circumstance if I talked to them by myself?”

“Since when do they have time to talk to the writer directly? We’re head to head with bunch of snobs here, did you forget?”

“I should had not agree to let them touched my writings. Now we’re about to face dead end.”

It was a dream to work along this publisher. It was Kibum’s dream since he started writing when he took gap year after graduated high school. And as if it’s a fate, it was the only publisher agreed with his graphic novel concept five years he climbed his career professionally.

“Listen, Kibum. When I met you years ago, I promised I’ll work my ass hard to help you publishing your books. Not because I knew you, it’s because you’re good. You’re amazing writer and I’m not giving up easily. And neither you. Not when anybody can tell that you’re a gem.”

“I haven’t written any book since last year, Amber. I’m in a slump. Writer’s block is not even describing my bad luck at the moment.”

“Honey, you haven’t written any because you’re currently waiting two books released. And if I could do my magic, another one in, let’s say, six months.”

“If I could make up some words into another story within two weeks. If you could convince them to give me mercy.”

“Did you just know me yesterday?”

Kibum’s tired giving sane response, “What do you mean?”

“I’m waiting their secretary to call me in ten minutes. We’re going to discuss some new deals and I’ll make sure one of them is going to be your new nine stories book.”

“I actually have no idea if I don’t have you as my editor slash manager slash friend slash personal ranting partner slash whatever you want to be.”

“Rockstar. That would be cool.”

“You’re going to be a kick ass one to be honest.”

“I bet. Anyway, expect another call from me in the next couple hours. I’m sorry, but tonight we might need video call to resolve some issues.”

“I hate you for confiscating my time but you’re the best.”

“As always, ain’t I?”

The phone call ends already, but he still forlornly looking at his phone’s screen. With that, Kibum remembers all the works he needs to catch up for tonight. With that, he can put aside all the unnecessary anxiety and tension of tonight’s stupid match making session.

He took a glance of his watch and could only sighed, he better hurried inside to his dessert. The faster he finished, the sooner he can hit home and face the real deal. His deadlines.

Two steps away from the entrance however, he caught a familiar face sitting by themselves, staring to the busy street in front of the restaurant.

“Jinki?” he carefully calling the man, “Lee Jinki, right?”

The later tilted his head to the right and gave Kibum a simple smile, didn’t realize it dropped Kibum’s heart by the bottom of his gut.

“Aren’t you cold?”

Everyone would agree this winter is even harsher than last year’s. Jinki just lifted his left hand to make sure Kibum saw a cigarette slipped between his fingers, “Can I sit here?”

Jinki chuckles, “Aren’t you cold?”

Listening to the same question he threw a minute ago, he just rolled his eyes and took a place next to the other man.

“I’m waiting a phone call.”

“Important?”

“Kinda.”

Jinki blew some smoke out, “Hmm, I guess so. You sounded pretty upset over there.”

“Did I scream that loud?!”

“In my opinion? No. but a girl flinched and buzzed off rather hastily, so, you tell me.”

When he saw Kibum’s gaping like a fish in frantic expression, Jinki has no choices beside laughed again, surprising Kibum who’s quite convinced with his aloof personalities.

“I didn’t know you have so many jokes in store.”

“You learn something new every day.”

“Your face doesn’t show.”

“What about my face?”

“It’s handsome but with that attitude inside, seems like you’re the type who woke up at the wrong side of the bed every single morning and could kill someone annoys you at any time.”

“Well, to be fair, I did wake up in the wrong side of my bed this morning. But it’s because a certain dog occupied half of my blanket so I couldn’t disturb her.”

“You have a dog?!”

Kibum’s face lit up thousand times as if he just won some lottery. Strangely, it warms Jinki’s heart. No, scratch that, it would warm any heart, Jinki tried to generalize the situation.

“I don’t, unfortunately. She belongs to my friend. I’m taking care of her while he’s travelling abroad. Her father will pick her up this weekend.”

“Ah, too bad. We could have play date with my boys.”

“I’ll make sure to give you a call when I decided to adopt one later.”

“Do you think my invitation hasn’t expired yet by that time?”

“A man can only dream, can’t he?”

Kibum’s laughter is muffled by his own palm covering his mouth.

“Let’s go inside, you must be shivering.”

“But your cigarette?”

Kibum’s half stuttered caught red handed, Jinki already pressed the half-done cigarette on the sand bowl on his left, “I can always have another one at home. Besides, I doubt you would go inside without me dragging you along.”

Kibum thanked the universe that the place is not well lit, so he could hide the blush creeping his cheeks. Unfortunately, Jinki has a very good eye sight.

***

“Is my baby being a good girl when daddy’s away?”

Jinki scoffed when the man just entered his living room just literally threw his suitcase aside and scooped the little dachshund running toward his embrace. He gathered the suitcase and poor leather bag on the floor and placed it neatly near the saffron color couch.

The man later dropped himself next to Jinki who’s lounged himself there, checking his phone halfheartedly.

“Minho texted me the other day.”

“Why did he keep texting you?”

The man with dark grey hair didn’t catch the frown hanging on Jinki’s face and buried his face to the dog’s belly, making him groaned again. He lightly pushed the dog further and toppled his head on the other man’s laps.

The dog owner realized something’s happened when he’s not around. He put the dog on the ground and tapped her butt to send her back to her small bed near the pantry.

“Minho has my number and I have his name in my contact list. He can text me whenever he wants. Still jealous?”

Jinki closed his eyes when he started playing with his hair, “He’s still one of the reasons we broke up.”

“Baby, the only reason we broke up is because neither of us didn’t want to succumb into marriage. Minho was just a handsome face happened on the wrong time.”

“I have no idea why I still befriend him when it’s clear he wanted to shove his face to yours, all the damn time.”

“And I have no idea that you’re this type who holds the grudge for a long time. We were already out of relationship back then.”

“Still, a friend wouldn’t openly chase after their friend’s ex.”

“A friend wouldn’t, but a best friend would.”

“Whatever.”

He almost lost his control and slapped Jinki’s head of him, “Oh, come on. What’s bothering you this time?”

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit. It’s written all over your face the second I saw you behind the door. And I’m pretty sure it’s not because my daughter misbehaved while I��m on my annual pediatric conference.”

Jinki sighed, nothing he could really hide it from the other man. Since they were in their almost five years relationship, since they became best friends around three years prior.

“Minho invited me for a dinner night.”

“Wow, fancy,” actually Minho already texted him about the dinner a bit, how he wanted to introduce Jinki to some acquaintance he has, “He gave up on me so he went for the only option?”

“For the record, your mom agreed that I’m way much sexier than you.”

“Three years ago, before your cheek bones buried under those mount of fluffy fat.”

“Said a man who came to me and straight ahead told me I looked cute after leaving a piece of paper with their number on my table.”

“I will put aside the fact that I love how romantic you’re for still remembering our first meeting but let’s back to the right path here because I don’t like the upset you. It’s fucking annoying.”

“He introduced me to someone, Jonghyun.”

He let out inaudible gasp and thanked the universe Jinki’s still closing his eyes. Otherwise, he would stop at once and avoided any discussion of the main reason which distressed his ex-boyfriend. Knowing the scenario before hands didn’t prevent him with the sheer pain graze him when it came from Jinki’s mouth himself.

“So? Isn’t that great? Do you think it’s about time?”

“I was about to argue that two years are still not enough to get over you but I guess you’re not in the same page with me so I’d say that I’m not interested into some relationship whatsoever at this point.”

Jonghyun wanted to cry listening to such words. His heart clenched, he inhaled – a very long one – before he continued caressing Jinki’s forehead.

“I am flattered, but I know you’re just teasing me.”

“Ha, you know me so well.”

“I’m not gonna fall on the same hole, Lee.”

“You won’t. You’re too smart to repeat the torture on the loop.”

“It wasn’t a torture, Jinki. I love you as much as you do. Or maybe just slightly more.”

“Not a chance. I love you more.”

“Stop it or I will kiss you.”

“I dare you.”

“I told you I’m not gonna fall on the same hole.”

“Smart, very smart,” Jinki opened his eyes only to find Jonghyun sticking his tongue out, “Okay, so at first, I don’t like the idea already. You know I hate any type of match making method. Even the online one. But being there, I realized that my current focus doesn’t involved other party besides me, my business, and—“

“And your grandfather?”

Jinki looks annoyed, “Remind me to add ‘always-cutting-people-sentence’ on the list of reasons why I broke up with you when I’m writing my journal tonight.”

“It’s true. I think he was also the cock blocker during our relationship back then.”

“Dude, we’re talking about my gramps. And to put him on the same category with Minho is beyond weird.”

“We already broke up when Minho made his move, for Pete’s sake!”

“Okay, okay! No need to raise your voice, you’re so scary when you’re angry.”

“Then don’t make me! Now, now, can you please be a normal human being so we can talk like adults for once?”

Jinki pulled himself from the couch to the pantry, snatching a pack of cigarette on the tea table before slipped one on the corner of his mouth.

“Can you not smoking inside?”

He snorted and padded to the direction of his balcony. It’s in the middle of winter but he doesn’t care a bit to the wind ready to slaughter his bones. If tomorrow the cold prevented him to leave the bed, then let it be. For once, he just wants to free his mind from the business.

“You need to remember that I can only treat patient on certain age,” Jonghyun followed few minutes after with a blanket he spread as wide as possible to cover both of them without feeling suffocated for standing too close.

“The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends people be under pediatric care up to the age of 21, though.”

“Did you just quote Wikipedia? And we’re not in fucking States! Above and beyond, shame on your wrinkles!”

“Rude.”

“You’re the rude one to your lungs!”

“Then tell me how to ease my mind without nicotine! Tell me how to forget all those troubled night and just sleep! Do you think it’s easy taking care of worrisome business and messy family without distraction?! Stop talking non sense if you do know how to save my days!”

Any word seems taboo once Jinki exploded. Both man just staring into the dark evening below Jinki’s unit. People paraded as quickly as possible on the street to fight the harsh weather. It’s not that late, but only few cars passed by. The dim light of the street lamp’s soothing the tense atmosphere in a way.

Jonghyun leaned closer to Jinki’s arm and rested his head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t help you with that.”

“I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

“You know that you can always talk to me right?”

“I’m tired bothering you. You already have a lot in your hands.”

“Besides my patients and Roo, there’s nothing really confiscated my time.”

Having someone like Jonghyun who would stand next to him, scold him then hug him right after, no matter how awful he behaved and treated the other man, Jinki every so often thinking what kind of good deeds he did in his previous life.

Jinki cocked his head, inhaling the trace of scent of Jonghyun’s favorite shampoo. Initially, he was about to kiss the top of his head, like he used to do when the other man leaned on him for whatever reason it was. He remember, though, the earlier period after their broke up – after settling their feelings for few months of course – the shorter man told him not to do that anymore because it was the doctor’s Achilles heel. So instead, he rubs his cheek over the thick hair, silently telling Jonghyun he’s sorry.

Some nights – especially right after that dinner date – he had thought, maybe one of the reason he reprimands Minho’s idea is just because he still has tiny hope that Jonghyun and him might had another chance in the future.

“From time to time, I was thinking that the more day passed, we’re closer to the image of friends with benefit.”

“Friends with benefit? Tsk,” Jonghyun slapped his forearm, “The only benefit I got from you is you’re the only perfect nanny for Roo when I’m away.”

“Those cups of coffee every single time you stopped by my shop?”

“Pfft. How stingy. I’m leaving.”

“Heartless.”

Jonghyun didn’t say anything more and returned inside to gather his things and called Roo. He desperately needs some hot shower. Somewhere inside him, he was expecting Jinki offering him to stay the night knowing how caring the man and the fact Jinki knows he bolted to the other’s apartment right away after landed.

When Jinki handed him the leash, that hope vanished in second.

“What if later I really considered this person? Or any other person collided with me on the future?”

Jonghyun smiled, he looks tired, but very sincere, “Then good.”

“Because I’m not gonna bother you anymore?”

“No. Because you’ll have someone to share the happiness with.”

***

cross-posted in my AFF

#shinee fiction #shinee scenario #LWFAWWE

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chittaphonsicecream · 6 years

Text

blackmail: a wonwoo hacker!au

synopsis: you’ve dumped your ex boyfriend and blocked him on everything, but you’re pretty sure he’s been logging into your social media accounts and stalking you. your best friend suggests that you go to the IT nerds at school and ask for some help in figuring out who’s watching you. you enlist jeon wonwoo’s help in stopping him and wreaking a little bit of havoc of your own. female reader x wonwoo ft kaistal bc I miss them

word count: 6.4k (the ending is kinda rushed bc i was lowkey sick of writing)

a/n: this takes place in an american college:) so basically… this is based on something that happened to me (the stalking part). wonwoo doesn’t get introduced for a while but when he does it’s worth it. it’s really angsty and slow but I hope you enjoy.

“Look, I think we’re better apart,” you said, staring your boyfriend directly in the eyes.

“I don’t agree,” he said. He grabbed your hand a little too forcefully. “You are the only one for me.”

“Jason…” you said. You took a deep sigh and looked at him. “I’ve been telling you for the past hour, we are over.”

“No, you can’t do this,” he said. “Yes, yes, I can,” you said. “You need to leave.”

“So the past nine months have been a lie?”

“No, the past nine months have been you manipulating me into thinking that I loved you and that you’re as good as it gets,” you deadpanned. “Jason, you need to leave. Now.”

“No!” he yelled. “There’s nobody like you, _____.”

“Yes, there is. I’m not special. Now get out before I call the police,” you threatened. “You’ve wasted nine months of my life, don’t waste another minute.”

“You need professional help, you know that, right?” questioned Jason. “You’re the most heartless, uncaring bitch I’ve ever met.”

“Hm, sucks for you,” you said. “Now get the fuck out of my apartment before Krystal comes home.”

“Fine, but we’re not done talking,” he said. “We’ll make it through this.”

“I really don’t think so,” you replied as you pushed him out of your apartment and slammed the door in his face.

Knowing what Jason could be like, you quickly locked your doors and waited in the farthest room in your apartment. He had been manipulating you for as long as you could remember, convincing you that you were happiest with him when really he was isolating you from the rest of your friends and family. You hadn’t even liked him; he just continually told you that he liked you until you caved in and consented to being his girlfriend. In reality, he was one of the worst people you knew.

Following the breakup, he relentlessly tried to contact you and become your friend. He even went as far as to send his older brother’s ex girlfriend, a good friend of yours, to tell you how much he missed you and how unhappy he was without you. She warned you heavily to stay away from him and his entire family.

After you blocked Jason and cut him off completely, you began to adjust back to your normal life. You were becoming happier, more outgoing, and more of who you used to be. Everyone in your life noticed the positivity.

Chatting over bowls of cereal, you and Krystal were sitting at your small kitchen table. You opened up your Snapchat to find yourself logged out, which could mean one of two things: either Snapchat was being its typical glitchy self or someone else had logged into your account. The only person who knew your password was Krystal.

“Hey, Krystal, did you log into my Snap?” you asked.

“No, why?” she replied.

“Nothing,” you mumbled. “It must be glitching or something.”

“Okay,” she said. “Hey, are you still friends with Jason’s cousin?”

“Which one?”

“The one that introduced the two of you.”

“Oh, Hailey. Yeah, but we’re not as close as we were when Jason and I were just friends. And then we kind of drifted when I dumped him and now we hardly see or talk to each other.”

“I didn’t care that much,” laughed Krystal. “I was just wondering why your Instagram profile pic has her in it now.”

“I didn’t change it,” you said.

“Yeah, you did.” Krystal held up her phone to your face to show a picture of you and Hailey, clearly happy. It was a photo taken during the camping trip where you and Jason became close.

“I don’t remember changing it.” You grabbed her phone and took a closer look. You had more followers than you remembered, too, and you were private. “Maybe I did it when I was falling asleep last night.”

“I think it’s pretty new,” she said, “and you do weird stuff when you’re tired, so I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“Yeah,” you mumbled in reply.

Over the next few months, small but strange things continued happening on your social media. Snapchats had been opened that you couldn’t recall seeing, follow requests that you never saw were accepted, direct messages were opened by someone other than you, posts you never saw were liked, stories you never viewed were watched, and random people were added to your Snapchat. Again, you didn’t think much of it.

After a few months of avoiding Hailey and discussing the breakup, you finally met up with her for lunch. She was desperate to catch up with you, especially after you had distanced yourself so severely from her. At one point she had been your best friend, but now the two of you were more like strangers.

The small restaurant was a nice little meeting place, and you arrived a few minutes early to make sure that your reservation was claimed. It was commonplace for Hailey to arrive rather late, from five minutes to forty-five minutes. After you ordered drinks for the both of you, she arrived.

“Sorry for being so late,” she apologized profusely.

“Hailey, you’re always late,” you laughed. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to see how you’ve been holding up,” she offered. “You know, our whole family really believed that you and Jason would get married. We’d never seen him like the way he was with you.”

“The way he was with me was constantly manipulating me and making my life toxic,” you spat. “Hailey, I didn’t come here so you could talk me into getting back together with Jason.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, “but I thought it was worth a shot.”

“A shot that’ll ruin our friendship permanently. He’s an awful person. I don’t hate people, but I hate him,” you deadpanned. “Can we talk about literally anything else?”

“Alexa had her second kid,” Hailey offered, “and Nick is finally engaged to Alondra.”

Hailey went on a tangent about her older siblings and their success before circling back around to what she really wanted to talk about.

“And I’m dating someone, too,” she said quietly. “I didn’t want to mention anything since your past relationship was so bad.”

You laughed. “I’m not that terrible of a person. I can be happy for someone else, you know?”

“Okay,” smiled Hailey. “He’s going to Cozumel with my family and me next week. The whole crew is going, Alexa and her family, Nick and his fiance, and Jason’s family. Jason’s sister Madison is already pregnant and they wanted to get in a trip before the baby’s born.”

“They’ve been married for six months!” you exclaimed. “I was Jason’s date to the wedding. That’s…”

“An accident?” offered Hailey. “I think so, but she and Chad deny it.”

“Whatever makes them feel better,” you said.

“Yeah.” She took a sip of her drink. “Do you think I’m being too forward by bringing my boyfriend on a family trip? It’s only been a few months.”

“At least you’ll know soon whether this relationship is going to work.” It was meant to be a joke, but Hailey took it seriously. The conversation was becoming uncomfortable, forced with the continuous mention of Jason, so finally you excused yourself, left a twenty dollar bill on the table, and headed home.

The next week, strange things continued to happen on your social media. Knowing you, you continued to ignore it and think nothing of it. Finally, as you opened up your Instagram, you got a strange notification.

We detected an unusual login attempt. iOS | Jun 27, 6:10 AM | Cozumel, Mexico

Your heartbeat soared as you realized what this could mean. Tears welled up in your eyes as you quickly texted Hailey.

hey, are you in cozumel?

yeah, we landed a little before 6 this morning. why?

nothing. jason flew with you?

yes what’s wrong

nothing don’t worry

You ran to the bathroom where Krystal was getting ready for the day and started banging on the door. “Krystal!” you shouted. “Krystal, open the door!” You were crying and sat on the floor of the hallway until Krystal opened the door.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Jason has been logging into my accounts all this time. You know that weird stuff that was constantly happening on my accounts? It was him.”

“How?”

“I don’t know… All of my passwords are pretty difficult.”

“Okay, well, let’s start with changing your passwords.” Krystal paused for a second, and then spoke again. “How do you know it’s him?”

“Who else would be stalking my accounts? I’m not interesting. I blocked him on everything, and then this morning I get a notification that someone in Cozumel has been logging into my account. And you know who flew into Cozumel this morning? Jason.”

“Text him,” Krystal said. “See if he’ll say he’s been logging into your accounts.”

jason

wow didn’t expect to hear from you anytime soon

yeah ik

u feeling lonely i guess? ;)

aw babe

don’t aw babe me why have you been logging into my social media

I havent??

yes you fucking have leave me the fuck alone

no i havent

I got a notification saying someone in cozumel has been logging into my accounts and ik weird shit has been going down in my account this is illegal

theres lots of people in cozumel what if it wasnt me

im going to the police

you have no proof that its me

ill find a way to get proof leave me tf alone stay out of my accounts

Krystal snatched your phone from your hands. “I don’t really think we can do anything if he denies it,” she sighed. Her eyes lit up. “I know some kids in the IT department of school. I bet they’d help.” She pulled you up from off the floor. “Get ready, let’s go talk to them.”

You dressed quickly because the sooner you met with the IT kids, the sooner you could figure out who had truly been stalking you. As soon as you were ready, you grabbed Krystal’s arm and started jogging towards the campus. She had dressed well, like always, but you were comfortable and ready to run.

After a few minutes of running, you finally arrived at the university’s tech department. Krystal was friends with most everybody, so she showed you where the IT kids could be found. She knocked quietly on the door after you had ran up the stairs to the entrance.

“Come in,” someone called from the other side.

“Hey, guys,” Krystal said as she opened up the door. “I need a favor.”

“What is it?” one of the boys asked. There was only one girl, and she was quietly working away at her computer, headphones in ears.

“_____, tell them what’s been happening,” she said as she pushed you towards them.

You began your long tale of your toxic relationship, the messy breakup, the strange social media occurrences, and finally, that morning’s notification.

“I’d recommend talking to Wonwoo, the boy over there,” said the boy that Krystal knew. “He’s good with that stuff. Doesn’t get caught, either.”

“Okay, thank you,” you said. You walked over to the tall, dark haired boy with glasses. “Hi,” you said softly. “I need you to do me a favor. I’ll literally do anything for it.” You paused. “Well, not anything.”

“What is it?”

“I need you to find out who has been logging into my Instagram accounts. You’re a hacker, right?” you asked.

“Yeah,” he said, “but I’m more of a vigilante hacker. I don’t just hack to hack.”

“Well, I think you’ll be intrigued by what I’m going to tell you,” you replied hopefully. You began your spiel once more, and by the end, Wonwoo had his chin in his hands and was staring at you intently.

“It’ll take me maybe ten minutes to figure out if he’s been logging into your account, but from the looks of it, he definitely has,” Wonwoo said. “But this isn’t my style. My style is more messing with people who did bad things on the internet.”

“Okay, but will you see if it’s even him? I think it is but can you make sure anyway?” you asked.

“Yeah, give me a few.” Wonwoo turned to his computer and left you alone

“Hey, _____,” Krystal called from across the room. “I’m heading home. I don’t want to be here too long. Are you okay on your own?”

“I’m fine,” you replied as you took a seat next to Wonwoo and watched him type rapidly. “You don’t mind if I stay with you, do you?”

“No, I really don’t.” Wonwoo didn’t even look up from his computer as he kept typing. After a few minutes, he came up empty handed. He looked at you confusedly. “His phone is heavily protected. I don’t know what kind of software this person has installed, but I can’t access it. All I can access is the Apple ID of the person that owns the phone, and it’s a bunch of random numbers and letters. I can try hacking into that, but I don’t think it’s going to lead anywhere.”

“What do you mean?” you asked.

“I mean your ex-boyfriend is either incredibly clever or he has someone else doing the dirty work for him,” Wonwoo said.

“He’s really smart. Tech savvy.”

“Then he knows what he’s doing.” Wonwoo looked back at the screen and then to you. “I think I can figure out if it’s him, but it’ll take a solid half hour. I have to hack into the account and then see all of the phones and devices the accounts have been linked to and see if any of them belong to him. You should go get food or something while I do this; it might be a while.”

“Okay,” you said. “I’ll bring something back for you. What do you want?”

“How about burgers?” he asked.

“I’ll be back soon. You have my number now, so text me what you want,” you said with a smile. Wonwoo nodded before pulling out his phone and sending you his order.

After about fifteen minutes, you were back with burgers. Wonwoo was spinning around in his chair and smiled at you. “It’s him. That Jason guy, it’s him.”

“I’m not surprised.”

“I know you want to go to the police, but I want to have a little fun,” Wonwoo said. “This is my speciality of sorts.”

“But what if you get caught?” you asked.

“I won’t.” He took his burger from you. “Consider this payment for my deeds,” he said with a wink.

“I don’t know if I want you to mess with him. He’s a little psycho.”

“He’s not just a little psycho, he’s a lot psycho.” Wonwoo smiled at you softly. “Look, ____, if you don’t want me to, I won’t. But I think you want this guy to get a taste of his own medicine.”

“Of course I do,” you said. “But what could we possibly do to him?”

“I have some ideas, but you’ll have to consent. And they can be pretty shady, but I promise you, we won’t get caught,” Wonwoo said.

“What are your ideas?” you asked.

“If you give me your phone, I can retrieve every conversation the two of you have ever had. The embarrassing, the sweet, the manipulative, everything. Blackmail him with his own nudes? Done. Blackmail him with the embarrassing, loving, manipulative things he told you? Done. He won’t mess with you ever again, not as long as you’ve got this on your side.”

You stared at him. His proposal was intriguing to say the least. You knew Krystal would approve, but you also knew that he would access a lot of vulnerable things about you. You had some rather revealing photos in there, and while that did bother you, it didn’t bother you as much as the awkward and embarrassing photos you sent or the things you had confided in Jason. But you knew that he may never stop unless you made him stop, and you’d rather it be in your hands than in the authority’s hands. You looked at him, bit your lip, and then agreed.

“You promise you won’t judge me?” you asked.

“I promise,” replied Wonwoo softly. He gave your hand a gentle squeeze to reassure you. “You’re a good person. I can tell by just how you are. Texts between some manipulator and you aren’t going to make me change my mind.”

“Okay.” You handed him the phone. “But can you walk me home and then take my phone? I don’t want to be without my phone in the city.”

“Sure,” he said. He began packing up his things and then wrapped an arm around you. “It’s going to be fine. I’m good at what I do, and I don’t care about what you said. I only care about what he said.” He squeezed your shoulder gently. “It’s going to be okay. I’m not him.”

“You don’t need to tell me that,” you laughed as you detached yourself from him. “I know you’re not him.”

“Okay, good.” The two of you began the short walk from the university, through a bit of town, to your apartment. Once you neared your apartment, you reluctantly placed your phone in his palm.

“When will you be back?” you asked. “I kinda need my phone back.”

“I’ll come by tomorrow, how about that?”

“Okay.”

“We can go through what you think would affect him most tomorrow. I’ll just download it all to my laptop. Since you won’t have your phone, just expect me to come over sometime between noon and one, okay? I have some actually IT work to do tomorrow morning but I’ll just have it download while I sleep tonight.”

“Alright,” you said softly. “Thanks for doing this for me.”

“I’m an internet vigilante. It’s what I do,” responded Wonwoo with a wink. “See you around, ______.”

He watched as you entered your apartment building and stayed until he saw that you were safely inside. Once you were back inside your apartment, Krystal jumped to ask questions.

“What’d they find out?” she asked.

“He’s been stalking me,” you said shakily.

“Well, are you going to report it to the police or what?” she asked, playing with her fingers.

“Actually… about that,” you began, “I’m not going to the police.”

“Are you stupid?”

“Well, Wonwoo-”

“Wonwoo, huh?”

“It’s not like that. I literally just met him.”

“Oh, really? Then why’d he walk you home? And stay until he knew you were in the building?”

“Shut up,” you replied quickly. “We’re going to give Jason a taste of his own medicine. Wonwoo’s keeping my phone for the night to download everything I had regarding Jason and to retrieve all of the old messages and stuff and then he’s gonna… well… blackmail him, I guess.”

“No way,” laughed Krystal. “You’re blackmailing the psycho? I didn’t realize you were that ballsy.”

“It wasn’t my idea,” you clarified. “Wonwoo says he’s like some internet vigilante or something and it’s similar to stuff he always does.”

“Wait, so he walked you home because?”

“He needed to take my phone but I didn’t want to go home without it. And I think he’s honestly a little afraid for me.”

“He’s nice. Kinda quiet but nice.”

“Quiet?”

“Yeah. He’s said maybe ten words total to me.”

“We spoke a lot.”

“Maybe he likes you better than me.”

“Maybe.”

“Well,” Krystal said while lightly punching your arm, “aren’t you afraid of what Wonwoo is going to find on your phone?”

“It doesn’t matter to me,” you responded. “All that matters is that Jason leaves me alone. And I don’t think he’ll care much anyway. He knows what he’s seen when he’s being a vigilante or whatever.”

“Yeah, sure,” Krystal said sarcastically. “Whatever. You know what I think you should do? Get drunk.”

“I’m not going to get drunk,” you laughed. “I think I’m just going to sleep until tomorrow morning. I don’t want to think about this.”

“It’s only noon.”

“I don’t care. I don’t want to deal with this.”

“You don’t want to deal with this stalker drama or you don’t want to deal with knowing Wonwoo will go through everything on your phone?” suggested Krystal.

“Shut up,” you said. “For real, I’m going to sleep.”

You headed to your room and decided to sleep for the rest of the day. You finally woke up around two am after hours upon hours of sleep. Krystal was still awake, and she had her boyfriend Kai over. They were talking on the couch when you came out.

“Hey, guys,” you said with a small smile. “I didn’t know you were going to be over, Kai.”

“Krystal was just telling me the rundown on your stalker,” explained Kai.

“Oh,” you mumbled. “Yeah.”

“Jason will get what’s coming to him. If not now, when he’s thirty-five and his future wife leaves him,” he laughed.

“Kai, that’s rude,” Krystal said.

“Okay and?”

Krystal moved a little closer to Kai and smiled. It made you miss the days of having a boyfriend, but you knew that missing Jason was detrimental to yourself.

“So are you really having some hacker kid go through all the stuff on your phone just to blackmail Jason? Someone you don’t know?”

“At this point, nothing is really worse than knowing Jason wasn’t leaving me alone, so yeah, I am,” you replied. “He’s gonna be over around noon, by the way.”

“I’m gonna be out,” Krystal said.

“Where?”

“I don’t know. Kai, can I come over to yours?”

“Sure, babe.”

“You just did that so Wonwoo and I would be alone!”

“Also so I won’t have to see Jason’s nudes. I know that Wonwoo will be able to dig some up.”

“Fine.”

“Well, it’s two in the morning and I’ve got to be up at six, so I’ll see you tomorrow,” Krystal said. “C’mon, Kai, we’re going to bed.”

You watched Kai and Krystal leave the room and decided to clean the small apartment. By the time you were finished, the sun was starting to rise and Krystal would be waking up soon to head to the gym for her early morning workouts. Once Krystal was awake, she made some food for the both of you.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay,” she reassured you. “Jason will get whatever’s coming. Don’t worry about it. And you should probably catch a few hours of sleep before Wonwoo comes over, too.”

“Okay,” you agreed. “I’ll go to sleep in a few.”

A few hours later, you were awoken with the sound of Kai attempting to make Krystal a proper breakfast. It was nine in the morning, and you rolled back over only to be bombarded by the pair running into your room with sad looking pancakes.

“Cheer up!” Krystal said. “Just because you have a psycho manipulative stalker ex-boyfriend doesn’t mean you get to act like the world is ending!”

“I think it does mean I get to act like the world is ending,” you replied.

“I tried really hard to make these,” Kai said, shoving the plate in your face. “Come out to the kitchen and eat them, please.”

“Fine,” you grumbled. You got up and followed Kai to the kitchen table. His pancakes weren’t too bad, but they definitely not good. Once you took a bite and gave them a thumbs up, Kai backed off.

“I’ve got to get to work,” he said. “See ya later, guys. I left my keys to my apartment on your nightstand if you still want to go over there when Wonwoo’s here.”

Krystal nodded and smiled at him before leaning over to give him a peck on the cheek. “Okay, be safe.”

The next few hours passed rather quickly, with Krystal running around doing random things and you eating more food than you probably should. Before you knew it, Krystal had left to Kai’s and you were alone, waiting for Wonwoo’s arrival.

Just before noon, there was a knock at the door. You opened it quickly, and there was your expected guest. He had takeout in one hand and your phone in the other.

“I hope you don’t mind,” he said shyly. “I thought it would be good to have lunch since…”

“Oh, thank you!” you replied, taking it from him. You grabbed chopsticks and you both settled down on the couch. There was a gap between the two of you and an awkward silence filled the room. Finally, Wonwoo cleared his throat.

“You know, I don’t think much different of you,” he said quietly. “Except that you’re maybe kinda dumb.”

“I’m dumb?” you questioned.

“Yeah, you’re dumb.” He chuckled softly to himself.

“Why?”

“Because you had barely started texting this guy and you told him everything about yourself. And I mean everything. I think I know you better than I know my brother, now.”

“I don’t know why I did it. I guess he made me feel important.” You sighed and bit your lip before looking up at Wonwoo. “We can see how well that turned out.”

“It’ll be fine. We’ll get him back,” Wonwoo reassured you.

“I honestly thought it was love at first sight. Or something of the sort. I just saw him and knew ‘you’re going to be important in my life.’”

“I don’t believe in love at first sight.”

“Really?” you asked.

“I think you’ve got to know them really well before you can love them,” he said. “Anyway, let’s choose what we want to get started with.”

He pulled out his laptop and opened it up to reveal a file containing every interaction you had with Jason on your phone. “Do you want to start small or start big?”

“Start big,” you said.

“Let’s start with the nudes, then,” he said. “Here’s my idea, but if you don’t like it, we won’t do it.” You nodded in response. “Okay. I have a program on here that creates a protected fake phone number. Almost like a prepaid that you can’t pinpoint. But there actually is no number that exists. It’ll just show up as unknown. I’ll begin sending him pictures he sent you or tell him his own secrets. Just to mess with his mind a little bit, and after that, we’ll tell him to stay away from girls or we’ll leak it all on the internet.”

“Will you really?”

“No, of course not. I’m not that terrible of a person.”

“Okay,” you acquiesced. “But if it gets shady at any moment, we’re stopping the whole thing.”

“Not to be rude, but it’s already shady.”

“Fine. If it get shadier.”

He nodded and began typing rapidly on his computer until he was at the program that allowed for him to send the messages. He went into the file where he had stored everything from your phone and began clicking until he got to the bad stuff: the pictures.

“Hey, Wonwoo, I have a question,” you said softly. He nodded in reply. “Did you by any chance… see any of me?”

Wonwoo began coughing and refused to make eye contact with you. His cheeks were becoming rosy, and he looked at you. “Yeah. But don’t worry about it. I’m not like that, I swear. I’ve never even had a girlfriend.”

It was your turn to be uncomfortable. “You’ve never had a girlfriend? How old are you?”

“I’m almost twenty-two…”

“Why not? You seem completely normal. If a psycho like Jason could get a girlfriend, you easily could.”

“But a psycho like your ex also goes out and talks to people. This… this is my life. I don’t talk to people unless it’s over the computer. How am I supposed to meet someone?”

“Haven’t you ever heard of online dating?”

“God, I’m not that pathetic.”

The computer pinged, and you both turned to look at it. Jason had replied.

who is this

IT DOESN’T MATTER. YOU’LL NEVER FIND ME ANYWAY

who tf is this i swear to god i will find you and beat your ass

YOU MIGHT BE SMART BUT I AM SMARTER.

how did you get that picture of my dick

I HAVE MORE

who is giving this to you

NO ONE OF ANY IMPORTANCE. STAY AWAY FROM ________ OR I’LL LEAK THEM

nice try

Wonwoo looked at you expectantly. “What do you want to do?”

“Keep it up. Send in more.”

image: sent

wtf

I HAVE MORE

leave me alone

NOT UNTIL YOU LEAVE _______ ALONE

who are you you’re not her she’s above this

IT ISN’T RELEVANT

ok fine but ur fucking weird

LEAVE ________ ALONE

nah bro. I gotta have fun in mexico with my fam but this conversation isnt over be back in two hours

“Now all we can do is wait,” he said.

“I don’t know why he’s so dumb. If someone was blackmailing me, I’d just stop whatever I was doing.”

“Not to be rude, but apparently you don’t have good taste in intelligent men. Or in men in general.”

“You’re kinda rude, you know that?”

“I’m more socially awkward than rude. It’s usually pretty hard for me to talk to someone like we are now.”

“Aren’t I special?”

“Yeah, actually, you kinda are.”

“Aw, you say I have shit taste in men and then tell me I’m special. My heart is melting,” you deadpanned.

“It’s true. This guy doesn’t have common sense, sends shitty dick pics, treats you like shit, and did I mention that he’s also not that much of a looker?”

“You think I don’t know that he’s a terrible, ugly, dumb person?”

“I think you’re way out of his league.”

“Oh,” you said quietly. You felt your face flush but refused to look at him. “Can we talk about anything else? You know basically everything about me; it’s my turn to know everything about you.”

In most cases, Wonwoo would’ve objected completely. This wasn’t comfortable for him, it wasn’t fun, either. But when it came to you, he was okay with it. You were open about yourself with him, so he didn’t see any reason not to be open with you. Besides, he’d practically seen you naked at this point, so he knew you couldn’t judge him.

The conversation flowed easily, the both of you talking about your family, your lives before college, the college experience, your friends, your interests, the things that made you happy, the things that made you cry. With every sentence exchanged, you felt a stronger connection to Wonwoo. This time when you felt that he was going to be important in your life, you knew that it wasn’t your brain being dumb and desperate. It was honest, and it was real.

Before the either of you realized it, the two hours were up and Jason had replied. Again, it was something stupid.

I’m not fucking dumb. I know how to hack too. I swear on my life that i will find out whoever you are. you can’t hide from me

This time Wonwoo looked genuinely concerned. He turned to you and asked, “Do you think he actually is good enough to find me?”

“Why are you asking me!” you exclaimed. “You told me we wouldn’t be caught. I swear to god, Wonwoo, if we get caught, I’m going to beat you up.”

“I know, but he seems smart enough technologically. And if he knows people…”

“The only people he knows that are into IT are the people at this school. And anybody that could help him already knows how insane he is, so I think we’re going to be fine.”

“Okay,” he said as he processed what to do next. “Also, for the record, I don’t think you could beat me up.”

“You’re a literal string bean. I probably weigh way more than you. Just because you’re tall doesn’t mean you can’t get your ass whooped.”

Wonwoo laughed. “I’m starting to really like you,” he blurted. His eyes widened as you looked up at him. “As a friend, of course.”

“Of course.” You took the laptop from hi shands and began typing a message to Jason yourself in an attempt to ease the awkwardness of the situation.

I DON’T THINK YOU’LL BE ABLE TO FIND ME, BUT YOU CAN TRY. DON’T FORGET, I HAVE MORE. I CAN AND WILL USE IT AGAINST YOU IF YOU DON’T TURN YOURSELF IN FOR MANIPULATING, ABUSING, AND STALKING _______.

“Is that really going to work?” asked Wonwoo.

“Of course not,” you laughed. “He’s got his head up his ass. But it will let him know that we’re serious, and when people make it repeatedly obvious that something really bothers them, he stops. But it takes a long time. I don’t know how long you’ll have to do it.”

“He’s such a jerk. I can’t believe you dated him.”

“I didn’t just date him. I told the boy I loved him. Even worse, I slept with him!”

“Spare me the details,” laughed Wonwoo. “What do you want to do now?”

“I think that we’ll just have to top for now. But if I were you, I’d send him one embarrassing secret or picture a day. Don’t say anything, just send it so he knows that it’s you. And then we can meet up sometime soon and actually talk and mess with him.”

“Okay,” he said. “That’ll work. I’ll text you whatever I send.”

“Please don’t,” you said. “I never want to see his nudes ever again. Or his face. Or a drunken video of him professing his love to me.”

“Okay then. I’ll text you when I send him something.”

“Much better.”

“Well, I should get going now,” Wonwoo said quietly. “I’ll see you around.”

“Thanks for this,” you said, “and the takeout.”

“My pleasure.”

As Wonwoo left the apartment, you began to wonder what this all meant. He couldn’t like you, could he? He didn’t believe in loving right away, but did that spread to liking? You waited until Krystal got home to discuss it. She was far better versed in this area and would be able to give you good advice. Krystal texted you around six saying that she was finally leaving Kai’s since Taemin would be back from vacation and that she was heading home. You were waiting for her in the living room, and the moment she walked through the door, you began blurting out everything that happened.

“Oh my god, does Jeon Wonwoo have a crush on the ______ ______?” asked Krystal.

“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you!” you replied.

“I think he does!” Krystal said. “Actually, I know he does. Keep up the good work, tiger.” She winked at you and walked away.

“Wait!” you called out. “What do I do?”

“I don’t know,” she replied. “Wonwoo’s… he’s quiet, shy. You’re going to have to take this slow.”

“Okay,” you said. “I think I am more than capable of doing that.”

The weeks went by of blink-and-you-miss-it flirting over text messages with Wonwoo. The texts were pretty mundane, but you had found yourself loving every time your phone pinged with a notification from Wonwoo. You met up once a week to message Jason together, and each time something would happen. The brush of fingertips, an arm around a shoulder, a shared laugh, thighs touching while you sat. Nothing about what the two of you had was platonic.

After a few days, Wonwoo asked you two to meet up again. This time, it was at his apartment rather than yours. Krystal and Kai were throwing a small party, and Wonwoo didn’t want to be there, so you obliged to meeting with him at his home.

Wonwoo’s apartment was vintage, beige, and filled with things you never would’ve imagined it to be. There were books everywhere, a record player, and a leather sofa that looked straight out of a fifties movie.

“So you know we’re pretty close to cracking him,” Wonwoo said. “I mean, did you see those last messages? He sounded like he was going to have an emotional breakdown.”

“Yeah,” you muttered.

“Did I do something wrong?” asked Wonwoo, noticing the hesitation in your voice and attitude.

“No, no,” you said. “I just wonder if I did.”

“What do you mean?”

“Am I any better than him by blackmailing him?”

Wonwoo was at a loss for words. He looked at you, and then back at the ground. “I honestly don’t know” was his response. He took your hands in his and gave them a gentle squeeze. “Maybe what we did was wrong, but he also did something wrong.”

“Two wrongs don’t make a right, Wonwoo,” you replied. “I feel like a terrible person. I know I hate Jason, but I also know I’m better than this.”

“Well, we can stop,” he said. “We’ll stop right now.”

Wonwoo pulled out his laptop and opened the program he had been using to communicate with Jason.

I’VE DECIDED TO LET YOU BE. WHAT I AM DOING TO YOU IS JUST AS BAD AS WHAT YOU DID TO ______.

nah its worse fuck u tho

GOODBYE

ya know idk u but u got balls. ______ is lucky to have u ik im psycho when it comes to her but i want her to have the best. I mean the best is me but u seem pretty good too

GOODBYE

You looked up shyly at Wonwoo. “So he thinks you’re my boyfriend, huh?”

“I mean, I’ve been at it for weeks. Almost two months, even,” he said.

“Wonwoo,” you said, getting up. “I think I should go.”

“Why?”

“Well, we did what we meant to do. Blackmail Jason, and now it’s over, so I should go.”

Wonwoo stood up with you. “Okay.” He walked you to the door and watched you put on your shoes before he did the unthinkable. He grabbed you by the arm, pulled you up to him, and placed his mouth on yours. It’s sweet, but it’s short lived because Wonwoo immediately pulled away to look at you.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. Instead, you just laugh, and you pull him down to you. Suddenly, your arms are around his neck and his hands are in your hair and you are feeling everything and nothing at the same time. And then you’re laughing, and he’s laughing, and you pull away to catch your breath.

“Wow,” he said. “That’s…”

“That’s what?”

“Wow.”

“Yeah,” you muttered, pulling him in for a hug. He buried his face in your hair and then lifted your chin up for one more kiss.

“Are you sure you want to go?” he asked.

“I’m sure I want to stay.”

#wonwoo #seventeen #imagines #fic #fanfic #scenario #au #hacker #kpop #svt #jeon wonwoo

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thedappleddragon · 3 years

Text

ugh im big stupid and haven't been posting my shit here for a while. I've still been typing it out in my notes, I just havent transferred them onto here lol. im putting it all under the cut, don't worry

Today was pretty dang nice! I spent a little time outside because it was nice and warm out, I drew a little in my sketchbook and digitally rendered a picture of Anna’s new princess outfit, ran an errand with my mom to pick up a graphing calculator and a pack of soda, ate some Wendy’s, and did a lot of sewing for my dress! I joined the bodice lining and exterior, and did a little over half of the sewing for the skirt. I’m doing French seams so there’s no raw edges on the inside, so I still have to iron it and go over the second round of stitches. My machine malfunctioned for a moment with the thread tangling up in the lower bobbin thingy, so I left it alone for like an hour and it fixed itself lol. I’m very happy with how the bodice came out after clipping all the extra fabric in the corners and test fitting it. I think it’ll be great when it’s done!! Although I may or may not need to seam rip a little bit of the skirt to extend the zipper down so I can get it over my fuckin DUMPTRUCK when putting it on. Right now there’s enough stretch to put it on, but Idk how well that’ll stay after attaching the 2 pieces. Also it might end up making me look fat/preggo in the end with how the skirt lays lmao. I also did a really quick test fit with the sleeves, and I might actually like it better sleeveless? I’ll put one on anyway and go from there to see which I like better. HOORAY this dress has pockets!! But I may have put them a little low lol. I wanted to do a big dress debut at prom, but turns out graduates aren’t allowed due to covid restrictions :( so that really sucks. But we’re still gonna hang out a little bit beforehand, and I can still do a debut. I made a little bow out of some scrap dress fabric, which I want to put in my hair for pre-prom. I think I’ll braid my hair, maybe get some fake flowers from dollar tree and ribbon to add somehow, and put the ribbon either at the bottom or the top, wherever the hair tie eventually goes. I’m so exited to work on it more. I’m kinda running out of white thread tho so I’ll have to get more. Later in the evening i got hungry and made ramen while my dad and I watched a documentary on some of the horrible shit that went on all around the world during 2020, some of which I had forgotten about, some that was really surreal and out of a dystopian movie, and some stuff that was just upsetting to watch. It was still pretty good tho. I got work tomorrow and I’m really sleepy even tho it’s only 12:30 so I think I’m gonna grab a snack and go to sleep soon. Gnight mwah

Yesterday I worked and sewed until I ran out of thread and drew a little bit. Spent most of my shift watering flowers, then I went home and ate for a moment, then watered more and picked dead flowers and talked about avatar and other animated shows with the highschool girl I work with. Came home and hung out for a while, that evening made some good pasta.

Today I justly hung out, then went with mom to pick up a bookshelf and went through strawtown which I thought was a very funny name for a town. There was a cute antique shop in there tho. On the way back we stopped in a sewing shop called Always in stitches. I expected it to be a very small shop, but it was SO much bigger than I thought it would be. They had tons of fabric and quilting supplies, and lots of old ladies working and talking. I picked up a cone of white thread and a fabric sample pack. Then I sewed my dress a little bit. I still have lots to do, and only like 2.5 days to do it. I’ll get there tho. All I have to do is add the skirt hem, add the pockets back in (I took them out so I could see them in normally), add sleeves and hem them, and add the zipper. And attach the skirt to the bodice. I think I’ll be able to do it. I had yogurt for the first time in forever today. Tbh I used just enough to hold together the strawberry and granola bits kgelgskgs. It was pretty good tho. I drew ELEVEN pages in my sketchbook, about 8 of them being a comic about the pony au of our royalty au. I could have done the comic with human characters but ponies are so much easier to draw aggsssdh. I spent 40 minutes typing out the dialogue and editing it on top of the rest of the comic so my friend could read it, but she still hasn’t read my text :( oh well that’s fine lol. The original plot was supposed to be Sam talking to an accidental illusion of me being mean about her blight, but then I accidentally made it something different. I might just draw the alternate ending instead. Update I just did

Yesterday I sewed and went to Menards to buy tile for moms bathroom.

Today was VERY productive, I feel like. I woke up and immediately took a shower and did laundry. I spent some one just sitting on my bed scrolling and researching while listening to medieval remixes of songs lol. At some point I went out to buy subway for everyone and stopped at dollar tree for nail polish and satin ribbon. I made the ribbon into a little choker and wanted to use it for the hem of the skirt, but I was too short. In total I spent HOURS hemming and pinning and seam ripping and ironing and sewing today, but it’s still not done. I gotta kick my ass into high gear if it’s gone be done by Sunday afternoon. I started sewing the bottom hem, but my machine has been doing this weird thing where the fabric scrunches up right past the sewing foot and leaves wrinkles and gathers so loose I can move it around with my hands easily. I think it’s just my tension being too tight or something, I adjusted it a bit and I’ll test it in the morning. I’m too tired and it’s too late at night to be doing that much sewing. I seam ripped the entire back skirt seam so I could extend the zipper a little further down, and I’ll sew it back up once the hem is done. After that all I need to donis connect the skirt to the bocice, fix the zipper, and hem the arm holes. I don’t want to use the sleeves I made because the edges don’t line up at all and I don’t think I would be able to lift my arms, the way it’s built. The nail polish I picked up works way better than I thought it would, leaving a pretty good metallic sheen after just one coat. Way better than I thought for a dollar. I helped mom lay down tile a little bit, ripping up one old tile and helping a bit at a time throughout the day. I kept asking if she wanted help with the actual tiling part but she said no. We also couldn’t get the fuckin box cutter I bought to work. It’s supposed to be easy to replace the blade, but we couldn’t figure it out lol. I’m falling asleep fun. Washed my face twice, trying to take good care of myself before prom so I look good in photos. Gotta wash hair tomorrow. Made hamburger meat

Spent all day sewing and listening to bardcore remixes. Dress is as done as I bother to make it rn

Tbh I was hoping for a little more for today. I’ve spent the last like week or longer working towards this, and going especially in depth the past 3 days. I got all silky smooth, worked for hours on my dress, thought about pretty much nothing except prom day. I was late because my dad had my neighbor come over to take pictures of me in my dress. I thought it was just going to be her holding my dad’s phone to get a picture of us together, but she brought her whole ass professional camera and spent several minutes taking pictures. Then I took the weirdest way possible to get to my friend’s house on accident because google maps said it was the fastest way to get there. But HEY when I did get there I enjoyed hanging out with my friends. We ate some dinner AND??? Sammie I’m sorry if you’re reading this but THE MASHED POTATOES?? WERE S O BLAND????? AFAJSTSTHJST ily but girl. Just a little salt could have gone a long way <3 the steak and especially the green bean casserole were good tho :) dinner was good with the sparkling juice and little desert. Overall everything was just very loud, but that’s to be expected when this is everyone’s first time seeing each other in a goddamn while: actually I think they’ve all seen each other at school without me but hey whatever. I think I fucked up my phone screen on accident by sitting on it while it was in my pocket with my keys, leaving a spiderweb crack in it. I checked and yeah it’s not just the screen protector :( eh I don’t care that much, It didn’t fuck up the lcd screen or anything. We went up to Sam’s room and hung out and talked while she did Liz’s makeup and took pictures, and I borrowed a little of her concealer before photos. There was a little photo shoot in their front yard, and looking at the photos I look a little fat in them but I LOVE all the photos taken in Sam’s room where we were all just hanging out. Idk why but whenever you have to do photos and they say to do a silly one, it never turns out good, but the fun ones you casually take always turn out way better. They’re more genuine :) but then it was time for everyone to go to prom and for me to go home 😔 we only hung out for like an hour and a half. I didn’t want to take off my dress, seeing as I put in so much effort to sew the whole dress and shave and look pretty, so I wore it around the house for a bit until I got tired and went to lay in bed. I watched the mitchels vs the machines, which is a fuckin DELIGHTFUL movie!! Everybody go watch it it’s so cute <3 I also played some Pokémon and watched a little YouTube in bed, but feeling unfulfilled and wanting to do something different, I just didn’t know what. So instead I started typing this up as my sister brought me a cupcake from prom :) I had a bite and put the rest in the fridge, since it was so big and in a plastic container. I texted a friend over Snapchat asking if they had fun at prom, and they said it was kinda ass. I tried relating and saying yeah all school dances are a little ass, and my friend group once had anti prom and played dnd instead, but they just said ‘that’s nice’ back and idk if that means they’re annoyed at me or they’re just tired and didn’t wanna text or what but :( idk. Either way it’s fine, right now all I care about is going to bed. Gnight I guess. Also I keep thinking about that textpost that’s like “diary of icarly” and she talks in these simple-ass sentences and now I feel self conscious about how I write these snafnfs. I already know I write like a child in these, but that’s just because I don’t wanna go through the effort of making this sound nice and professional every day lmao. So child writing it is. Also painted my nails really horribly and it took forever to clean up which made me late

Woke up, went to work, spent a little time stocking, watered indoor plants, then attempting to work the register, and organized plants the rest of the time. I stood behind one of my coworkers as she checked people out, kind of understanding what she was doing but not that much, and read the manual in down periods. She had me check out a couple people, and it was NERVE WRACKING AS HELL. Thankfully everyone was very nice, and my coworker stood by and helped, and right as I was getting my foothold, my boss called for me to work outside and bring in the new shipment of plants. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT WAS REALLY NICE?? I was actually able to help some people today!! :D I’m slowly getting better at my job which is nice :) originally I was only gonna work 4 hours, but there were more plants to get and I felt like I could keep going, so I ended up working 6 instead. Every time I come home from the end of my shift I feel bad for not working more and like I should have stayed longer. Tbh I think I could do it if I had a proper break! I’ve been doing 4 hour shifts with maybe a water break in the middle because i don’t know how to ask to go on break ;-; Ike my secondary boss in the garden center is super nice and approachable and friendly but the main boss is like. Terrifying. I never know when he’s joking or being serious and I don’t understand him and assffsfamms it SUCKS. But whatever, I went home and ate some Mac n cheese and laid in bed because my back hurt and played on my ds for the rest of the night. I tried a couple new games, none of which I spent very long on. I tried okami den where you’re the wolf puppy child of the precious games protagonist I think, and idk maybe I’ll give it a better try in the future, but I wasn’t feelin it. I spent like 30 minutes on a pro bass fishing simulator and couldn’t clear the first level because the fish wouldn’t get close enough to my boat lmao. Sonic and Mario at the Olympic Games was fun until I lost at table tennis to Mario. I’d play it again. But I have work again tomorrow so I gotta go to bed good night. Having to blast my fan and play drawfee on my phone to drown out moms tv again >:(

Ate a pbj for breakfast? Went to work, moved plants around, took my lunch break, went to subway with an expired coupon, ate at home and times it perfectly so I could watch one section of the new drawfee episode, went back to work, made myself sad thinking about the god girl homunculus from fullmetal alchemist, picked dead flowers off the petunias, left a little early, hung out at home, left to go get mom’s medicine, found my dad at the store, followed him around and shopped for a bit, can home to unload everything, talked with him about buying one of the cars from him so it would be under mom’s insurance after the divorce, talked about being able to hang out at dads apparent after we help him move, ate some of the stuff we bought, and now I’m hanging out in bed again. I picked up my Pokémon black save and played a while today which was nice. I think I’m gonna work more in the next few days, be really busy with shit for like a week, and finally have a breather after the 15th. I really need to switch brain gears back into college stuff soon so I can sign up for orientation and figure out finances and shit, but for now it’s midnight and I don’t have to think about it lol

Today was pretty good, but also pretty boring. I played Pokémon all day since I didn’t have work, cooked some hamburger meat, and went on an errand for mom but got the wrong thing so I went out later to buy the right thing. I got spicy chicharrones instead of regular ones oops. On my drive back from getting the right thing, I rolled all my windows down and loved the feeling of driving around right after sunset when the weather was nice but cool, especially after standing in mom’s loud-ass room trying to ask about her bank card. I thought about going back out to aimlessly drive around the park and back, but instead hung out in my kitchen as my cat fell asleep on my lap. I think I’m gonna get paid tomorrow, so that’s exciting :D I probably made a solid couple hundred dollars if I had to guess. Idk what I’m getting paid per hour, but it’s probably ~$10 and I COULD go through my texts again to see how much I’ve worked, but I don’t really wanna lmao. I should just start putting that in my notes app instead...

Just had probably the most involved, longest dream ever?? It was a mix of infinity train and dangenrompa, we were mostly stuck inside my house, one boy left for years to search for supplies, I tried biking along a tail that disappeared into tree roots and a ditch with grass, cried because we had been in the same car for so long I was afraid they were gonna make us kill someone to get past, and at the end we escaped or something and had to fuck up security cameras and get past loopholes and lots of cereal boxes were involved? Idk there’s just so much I don’t remember. I wasn't sure if I had to go to work today, so I sent my boss a text and just kinda hung out. was making hamburger meat for my mom when my boss called asking me to come in, so I took a shower and worked from 1-5. spent some time at the register, and got way better at checking stuff out :) I learned a couple things, and there was one old lady in particular who was very patient and nice to me while my coworker went to go find a smaller bag of birdseed. when it stopped being busy inside, I went ut to the garden center to help price plants and spent the rest of my shift out there. I got paid too! $9 an hour, 22 hours, $200 in total. hell yeah. not bad, although I literally have no frame of reference on if this Is good or not. after work I went home for a second, then got Hardee’s (or carls jr in the western states). I used a coupon for chicken tenders for me and my sister :) and while I was driving around today, I found myself wishing that everything in life could be as smooth and easy as driving my car through my neighborhood. and then I kinda laughed thinking about how I cried my first time driving on a major road asdjfasjdhf. but seriously I love driving my dad’s silver Volvo!! its so comfy with 4 wheel drive and good petal control, its like always driving on freshly paved roads <3 unfortunately that's the car my dad is taking when he moves into his apartment to use as his full time car instead of his shit-ass blue Volvo, and we’re gonna be stuck with the red Volvo with a really touchy gas pedal and slow break pedal. (idk if you've noticed but we really love old Volvos in this family. they’re all old and boxy as hell and I love em <3 ) then I played Pokemon black and beat the elite 4 and champion in one try with a lot of revives lmao. I was kinda underleveled, right at 48-50 range, same as them. I was angry about stuff and in pain earlier in the shower as I washed my hair, but I dont remember exactly what it was. now I have my soft Spotify playlist going so I can maybe go to sleep soon. oh wait I remember being angry that all I could thin about all day was work, even tho it only takes up a few hours of my day, and then I do nothing all day afterwards. idk it’s just weird.

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #April 2021 daily #may 2021 daily #2021 daily

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tipsyexplorer · 4 years

Text

2.18.21

maybe it’s time to get back on here

to just post long form free flow thoughts.

you think you were over something, maybe have forgiven someone about it but then you read the post again and a flood of memories just come back. like exactly how you feel and you don’t feel okay. you’re hurt by what you read bc you know what’s how they still feel about you. that’s how they still see you.

it stinks not to get recognized by all the work that you have done for them. for that one particular person and how much you have sacrificed for them. how you’re scared to really show them who you are or share things with them. just like little comments really doesn’t want me to help them or like makes me more willing to share things with them. and idk it just hurt. i just feel so hurt right now.

why is my first comment or train of thought to just end it. it’ll be so much easier, my ife would be better. I dont rely on anyone right now anyway, I don’t go to them for support I have friends to do that with so really why am i keepingthem around. bc i feel bad that they dont have anything? i htink that’s why....and like i already feel like i do so much that i just can’t also do the emotional part of it all. it just all feels so overwhelming like why do i need to provide for the financial and the emotional part now and like okay you were depressed but you didnt get any help and then your response is you dont have money

well you apparenlty have burger money. and like delivery money. but you cant find a sliding scale therapy like. idk just shifted priorities and you just think a magic gadget or whatever new thing would fix it or whateber. i havent seen you take one picture with your camera that you got or the other one that you got like it doesnt make you better i can probably make better things take better phtos with a polaroid you just got to go and do it and not just blame you dont have the best material. like its just so...sad to me like thats just what you resort to. and maybe i can be more supportive but at the same time i just feel so supportive already like how is this even possible to be like this.

and i guess i know that about myself like i think i’m over something but then i read it all over again and it hurts i think it hurts bc its not true. its not true and like i guess i personally know its not true but he just sees me being online as like...self obsessed. do you see how little i take selfies now how little i take pictures of food and how little i am on social media how little i post or do things that i like. liek it has drastically changed.

and now im tearing up bc of material things?? like this isnt me but i guess its more tearing up that it doesnt seem like he really thinks about me or tries to do things. he says he wants to go on trips he wants to do things oay then plan them??? and its always you dont have money thats like the literal excuse okay then plan things that dont cost money??? i always have said that but tthen you get overwhelemd and then get sad we dont do anything like bro im so tired of planning things im tired of planing on what to cook what to do like its just so annoying land its so frustrating bc i dont speak up

i get it i should speak up and say somethig if its really bothering me and its not fair to them taht they dont know but also how can they not know??? like i’m just so confused. idk if they even know how much money they technically owe me not even counting the portion where you didnt pay but also just the portion where you agreed to pay and didnt like. ugh

i dont understand. i can be so great and i am so great. i am so great and giving and creative. i am not shy and want to share things with people i want to be able to not be scared to say something and to speak up on stuff. but it just feels like walking on egg shells and not know what to do. maybe its my period and maybe i’m emotional right now.

i just gotta focus on myself. keep doing things for myself nad grow. i dont want to be stuck like this i dont want to be bogged down. i want to be able to just do as much of something that i like and thats just so hard. i

why am i so concnered with your jealosy and your sadness it like really effects me. i mean we have been stuck together inside for so long and i am tired of it too. but i need to save money bc the cost of living has gone up and i have less pay. and i realy should price my things up and like have commissions on the side. i know i should do this i know i can do this. i just...

maybe this is where i should post what i want from a partner. i want someone who doesnt make me feel bad. doesnt make me feel about wanting things about really getting into something and like really enjoy something soeone who sees all of the work that i put into something. it almost feels like i should have failed or something but like if you knew me you would know how much work i really put into something like it shoudl be obvious but it always just seems to be written off

i want someone who i can depend on and that also means financially i want osmeone who has a plan who has a plan and an idea and drive i want someone who is working on themselves and who sees that they might not be there but can be there. i want someone who is confidnet i want someone who is confidentn in thsemvels and will take care of things. i want someone who will split the respnosibilities evenly with me to make things porportionally fair .

i want someone who i am comfortable with someone who i am comfortable around someone who will try to udnerstand me someone who isnt so quick to judge isnt so quick to be defensive i’m just trying to dot he best someone who isnt so down on thesmevles and if they are in a rut then they realize that and they do something about it. like you cant expect change by doing the same thing like thats just not smart

i want smeoen to match my ambission and to match my drive it can be about whatever it is but like ... do something. i want someone who is more established in their field in something i want them to be able to say they set their mind to something and make it happen. and maybe i’m just clinging on so long bc i do feel sorry i feel so bad i know the situation and it will be so messy and for some reason right now its just eaier to just not do antyhing

i hear what i am saying too like doing the same things to expect something differnt is also dum and i fall under there too like its so clear to see a pattern and yet i just dont have the brave face to do something about it and that slike hat i’m preaching right like this is something i really should get into

jealousy just doesnt really sit right with me. it just never did . it makes it seem so petty and so bad like that is something i do not look forward to. i want someone who is kind and compassionate i want someone who has good reationships with anyone . like ifamily friends anyone. like i seem to always choose people who dont have a strong cirlce or support group so then i just attract that energy or something and idk i wouldnt say i have a lot of close friends but i know they are solid and good and can go to them for help i mean yea.

and maybe that someone is out there for me maybe that someone is here right now but at this state ithat oeron isnt it i mean this is crayz im tawhing my hands type right now iand they at go so fast its so mezmerizing to see it tpe but then when i look at them too long then i am lik oh wah idk how to type anymore LOL anywa that person is there for me i just tgot to find them. i got to find that either eslwhere or wit th person i have right now.

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survivormagictreehouse · 4 years

Text

Episode #8 “CAN YOU SAY MESS” -Cindi

https://youtu.be/kJt8-zZe8Ck

-this is fucked up i have to confess tribal is in 4 mins.. theres a bunch of stuff about this vote why do people know zch is in a 5 person alliance .. . .. . .. . . . . . why is cindi voting out zach why do i have individual immunity lmao i want zach on the jury ://////////

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNbHN000ka8

-alright ladies we made it to the merge. finally back together with Gavin loml. also it seems that Jess, Zach and Keegan missed me as well based on how the whole touchy subjects thing went for me so thats cute. ALSO TIMMY Z IS HERE AND WE ONLY HAVE TO CALL HIM TIMMY BECAUSE THE OTHER ONE IS GONE!!! side bar: timmy and i are bestie pals and im so excited to finally be on a tribe together umm thats pretty much all i've got for now. also there are only 5 OG Annie's left in this game and 3 of them are working with me for the moment so I think I am in a pretty decent spot. apparently the OG Annies called me and Jess threats so they can go honestly. but half of them are already gone now i think so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-this tribal is about to be really messy and im really tired of cindi's bullshit about refusing to change her vote

-MERGE BABY!!!! WOOOOOO~!!! So, This tribe seems cool!I;m mainly excited i made merge. My allies are currently Keegan, Jess and I think Gavin. I want to ally with the people I haven't played with yet. sorry this is short

-So I feel like I was totally on the bottom after the Jay vote. I feel like I can’t turn to my old allies (although I have) and like. In touchy subjects when I was voted most likely to be voted out next I had like one person come to me and be like “oh that’s so not true. I don’t see you as next” but like. I wasn’t even surprised that I got it. I am kinda relying on allying with new people but you can’t force people to ally without you. Everytime I have tried to ally with people I have already played with it fails. So now that narrows it down to Collin, Cindi, and maybe Rachael. But I need To get close to them first. Collin also knows how I played in Tashirojima. He has brought it up to me 2 separate times now, so I’m scared he might think I’m going to play like that again and try and target me or something. Idk. I’m just a big ball of scared.

-So 5 people of got immunity. I got like 9th. I'm real upset about it. I know it doesn't really mean anything in the grand scheme of things. Anyway. I;m like 90% sure I;m going home but I'll try my best to ya know. not. I really hope I can work with collin although I don't really have an alliance. so lets see how this goes.

https://youtu.be/wLA8Pt4bXlQ

https://youtu.be/r-8Y2n2NGJo

-Welcome to Merge O' Clock! We finally made the merge, although unless I'm dumb (which is entirely possible) we haven't yet made the jury. The post says a final 3 with 9 jury members, and there is 13 of us left. Interesting. But anyways, I made the merge and I'm super happy about that. It's very exciting to win the previous season and actually be in the running to win this season. Like I feel like I've played a pretty good game so far and I have enough alliances and strong bonds to make it far. Unless I get targeted for that reason. In terms of trust rankings, lemme do that real quick: Most Trusted JESS ZACH GAVIN RACHAEL TIMMY BIRCH CINDI CHIPS BODHI ALI = RUTHIE = COLLIN I've currently got my Canadian Alliance with JESS and BIRCH, as well as an alliance with GAVIN, ZACH and RACHAEL. There's also the alliance with TIMMY, GAVIN, JESS and ZACH thought I don't know if that one will stick around much. I'm trying hard to build a relationship with CINDI, who is amazing. If I can get all these things aligned, we can vote out RUTHIE, ALI, CINDI, CHIPS, COLLIN and BODHI before there's really anything to worry about. But the game is never that easy. My biggest goal right now is to make sure I win immunity for this first vote. The first merge vote can be super telling where everyone is standing and I need to make sure that the target doesn't somehow fall on me. I have to stay safe for at least this vote.

-Guess who’s immune at the merge tribal council! THIS GUY! And also COLLIN, JESS, GAVIN and BODHI. Surprise twist where five people win immunity, which is crazy. I’m mostly just vibing right now and seeing where people’s heads are at. Been having some nice conversation with ALI, COLLIN and CINDI. Will I work with them ever? I’m not sure. I’m very happy that JESS and GAVIN are safe. I trust them a lot and hope we can work together moving forward. I just need to make sure I keep my head low enough to avoid a target but high enough that people know this is my game to win.

-So if everything I have been told so far is true, this is going to be a very messy vote. Initially it was BIRCH and CHIPS whose names were on the line but as the day progressed it became between ZACH and BIRCH. And honestly there is merit in voting for either of them. ZACH is a very good player with a metric crap tonne of connections but I've also been loyal to him since the start of the game. BIRCH could be a super loyal ally moving forward but I've also betrayed them at a previous point in the game. Currently, it seems like BIRCH, CHIPS, RUTHIE, GAVIN are for sure voting for ZACH. Currently, it seems like ZACH, RACHAEL, CINDI, COLLIN are for sure voting for BIRCH. But also as I was typing this out, BODHI created an alliance chat with COLLIN, GAVIN, JESS and myself. I'm not even sure if it's an alliance or if BODHI just wanted to make a joke about the Illuminati. Mom? Come pick me up I don't want to be here anymore.

-okay so its merge time... and i've been doing bad at confessing because i've been going through it but its time to reassess and get back into GEAR. so timmy died last tribal, he was kinda being bananas and targetting rachael in a really flawed way (bodhi would've probably been the move). i like rachael even though i'm about to come after her friendgroup full force, and it just wasn't the time. also... timmy is the only person i've played with multiple times who has outplaced me each time so KJFDSA... was biased to end that. only other risk of that on this tribe is bodhi, but might be sending him packing sooner rather than later. anyway so merge and first things FIRST. I FINALLY. FINALLY. get put on a tribe with JESS. I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY FOR MY SPIDERMAN POINTING AT SPIDERMA QUEEN. i'm telling her too much (me telling j-names too much who is shocked), but we are gonna mob boss it as two tribe figureheads and keep it PUSHING. Otherwise I love gavin… I used my connection with sarah g to him for clout because im shameless but I love him and he seems relatively disconnected on the tribe… he looks like kori who would catfish games so im like looks around but he gives good energy hope he likes me. chips is a SWEETHEART and was also on the bottom so looking to scoop him up. Okay so birch. Birch is lovely, birch played in my first tumblr survivor season. Birch has SO much personality… in chats of 2+ people, but in our PMs a better name for them is the SAHARAH. Love your lack of energy, go give us NOTHING. But what can you do. I ALSO might need them in even tho if I get one more ‘Nice!’ from them as a response I will perform walking from the cast. Keegan hasn’t messaged me yet…taps foot. Will not be messaging a MAN first not on my watch. Zach is sweet but he is a CHILD AND I DON’T TRUST CHILDREN IN games. I also just booby trapped him in the idol hunt so… looks around. I also have one key and I need ONE MORE TO get into this mystical last book which im ON A MISSION TO DO. In other news collin leaked the 6 person alliance so looks around… that man has such white gay who wins games energy and im not having it. Ideal Bootlist: Zach > Keegan > Bodhi > Collin > Cindi > Birch > Timmy > Rachael > Chips > Jess (F3: Me/Ruthie/Chips)

-okay so im deflated again. first off, the conglomerate of friends has got to go its so frustrating, the mesopotamia/svalbard gathering is really really disaster. they make their friend group so obvious and yet there is nothing we can do. the zach/collin/rachael/bodhi/cindi (?) svalbard/mesopotamia, PLUS people who voted with zach like keegan/timmy. its just so ANNOYING, can people WISE UP. i love jess, and im so so excited to work together but she also can be so slippery and wishywashy so its a real.. looks around, we need to wake cindi up. in other news... this tribe is really okay with letting collin win. he is misting EVERYONE and everyone is just sitting there and letting it happen. he has such white gay who just wins this game and everyone is gonna just LET HIM. final man i wanna complain about is keegan. LISTEN SIR, you will not catch me messaging a man first, so if you are upset about us having not spoken... then message me. then speak to me. dont tell people we havent spoken when i've made JUST AS MUCH EFFORT AS YOU. its not my fault you are so unbelievably dry in pms. grrrr i just HATE men and i have to deal with SO MANY on this tribe.

-okay so. we are maybe voting out the child i truly do not know. jess, gavin and cindi never dissed. open to working with me, not relying exclusively on pregame connections, literal legends. chips and birch are literally making it so hard to save them, they both have the biggest mouths i've EVER seen and the subtlety of a reversing truck. they have SUCH big mouths and are making the odds of a zach idol play INCREDIBLY high. also zach can go making majority alliances without me, its shenanigans like this that get you merge boot Sir.

-so im sitting on call with cindi as we plot the end of the zach. this is so sad i feel bad for him even tho this is definitely a good move for me AHHhhh.

-I'm crossing my fingers that I somehow pulled out a win for this creative comp (I doubt it because it looks like a toddler drew my tree house) because I have been very anti social! I've been talking to people in PM's a bit but the chat is just too many people and going too fast for me, LOL. I just hope our little group of four will stick together. I haven't talked to them as much since we merged but I guess it is good that we are all mingling and trying to maybe find some cracks? I've talked to Chips, Jess and some of the others from the merged tribe a good bit.

Tea time! So Chips wants to get Collin, Cindi, Rachael, Zach or Bodhi out because they are in some kind of alliance for some games they were in? I don't know I didn't know they were all so well connected lol. Alsooo Jess and I have a two person alliance consisting of ourselves that we are referring to as the Jills heh heh. I guess right now I'm closest to Jess? I am going to tell her whatever I hear name wise and feel she will do the same to me and I'm hoping that we can like, feed each other information and go to the end while also working with other people if that makes sense.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOgNIykteiM&feature=youtu.be

This round is a split between Zach and birch for who is going home this week. My treehouse got 6th so I sadly missed the immunity mark This week could possibly come down to just 1 vote. That’s why Zach and I traded powers so we can know who voted with who so we can make sure we understand who is voting where for next round.

so I mad it to the merge! Good stuff! Anyway, the immunity challenge had a twist where multiple people are immune. And i am not. Thats what I get for taking a picture of a tree with 🦕! After results I hear no one saying a name and I don't like that because I don't want whatever random alliance that has already formed dictating... so I decide I'm going to spread Zach. I think he stands a good shot of success because he is well of not only in meta-gaming with relationships but also controlled the premerge. Sooooo I started saying him. Anyway, I am hoping people are actually voting with him them I will feel comfortable to make an alliance. Cindi is part of or immediately under the core group that has taken it upon themselves to say names. I heard from her they originally wanted to do my name because "easy" and not as well liked on the tribe. They were between me and Birch but Cindi said no thanks to me. Anyway, they have been spreading Birch and I have been spreading Zach and now I know it is between the two. If Zach has a power and takes control this round I am still happy I planted the seed and he should not be long for the game. Also, if they do not follow through in voting Birch and vote me instead I will feel better about my self for doing something because I feel loke I've really let down the hosts with how inactive I have been with the move. Hope bringing the drama redeems me just a little.

SO WHAT IS NOT THE TEA. LEAKING ASS LEAKERS IS NOT THE TEA. I'm in a giant alliance with Svalbard/Mesopotamia people and I'm like that is chill or whatever. But Gavin somehow knows about this alliance but doesn't know that I'm in it? So, like, uhhh don't like that. Don't want to fucking be associated with a majority alliance. Plus I don't want Chips being on the bottom. I love Chips. But love the way that Birch decided it was me voting them out? Also that they decided to just, like, give a name of everyone voting with them to Zach, who we're voting out. CAN YOU SAY MESS.

AHHHH! okay so this round has been absolutely CHAOTIC. from the stress of meeting so many new people, and trying to secure my place in this game going forward, to spending HOURS building a treehouse in the sims and being one of the five people to win immunity because of the twist i picked a few rounds ago (thanks for EXPOSING ME BY THE WAY). but going into the round, i honestly had my sights set on zach. he was by far the most connected and well-rounded player in the merge in my opinion, and something needed to be done about it. so, with that i (along with jess) had our work cut out for us. this move needed to happen NOW, or it might just never happen. together, we went around and planted seeds, spread information, and made sure that people realized zach not only had alliances with them, but everyone else in the game as well. i felt like i had made pretty strong connections with ali, cindi, and ruthie, and those were definitely three people we would need to make this move happen. so, we got to work spreading zach's name (with birch somehow exposing everyone but me basically). the hardest part for me was lying to rachael because i love her so much, but she was one of the people that were too close to zach. i knew i needed him to go, so she would be closer to me... but with that comes regaining and rebuilding the trust lost by lying to her as well, so once again, i have my work cut out for me in a totally different way--it will take time, but i think she will realize that she does need me, i just need to prove it to her.

https://youtu.be/KoXLMf5QhxI

https://youtu.be/8g2eyHMOZbI

Click HERE to watch the Round 8 (merge) Cast Assessment!

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