#sorry it took so long i kinda have been super fucked in terms of mental health

[h4unted--h0use]

part 12 of stranger things textposts!

part 11 - pt 13

[isa-ghost]

How do you hold onto hope that anything will be done with Anti or any of Sean's Egos? I fell out of love for JSE and his content about three years ago due to.. I guess just growing up? But I used to check back in from time to time because he used to promise that "Big Thing's" we're coming for his Egos. (Mind you this was before the pandemic took full effect so there wasn't that as an excuse.) I just recently checked his channel and saw he has taken a step back (Good for him and his mental health if he needs that!) from making content. Did he burn out? Is he ever going to do anything with the Ego's? I don't even know why I care at this point? I guess I just want logical answers and you are the smartest JSE fan I know? Anywho. Sorry for the rant. I'll get out of your asks. 🌶

Oookay unpacking this ask time.

Anon thanks in advance for sending this because as feisty as I felt at first, it helped me get out a lot of things I've wanted to say in this regard for a Long Long Time so, yeah. Thank you.

1. Personally I don't like the term "grew up" in reference to CCs or much of anything tbh, because you're rarely too old to enjoy the things you love. But I get what you mean regardless. Just wanted to plop out my take on that topic in general. Never think you're too old to enjoy something harmless though. :)

2. I've been shaky on hope lately, to be honest. He's not been doing a ton of videos in general lately, minus some strays and the Deltarune Chapter 2 series (I genuinely didnt expect him to play it bc he hadnt played another recently released big game I wanted to see him play but he did, and I'm super grateful bc it was killing me lowkey). Which obviously the decision not to make a ton of content at the moment is okay. He's very burnt out, he's been having severe health issues both physically and on/off mentally. The lack of content and low energy he's had lately is just disheartening if that's the right word idk. BUT!! We DO have a MASSIVE Thankmas stream coming in December to look forward to!

I miss him and some days I get kinda,, idk, bitter? About the radio silence. But unlike a lot of people that have been in and out of the JSE Community between 2018 to now, I respect his health and the fact that he's a whole ass human being and has a life and other things he is more than free to do instead whenever the fuck he wants. TLDR I think have better critical thinking skills than some people on here and Twitter lmao. And the last few years have been shit, both in the world and- at least on here -in the community (dare I mention the t*ablogs). Though lately the community is quiet and very very peaceful and enjoyable again. At least in my corner here.

The thing is, I'm not and was never here ONLY for egos. I love Sean and everything about him to bits. He made one of the worst few years I had in the 2010s infinitely more bearable and gave me an explosive amount of inspiration for creativity that I'd not really experienced before. And friends I'll never let go of.

I miss ego content. I want it to keep going. I'm extremely sad it might not continue. But as an artist, I know why he was promising big things once upon a time. When you're a creator and you have a story like this, you want to flesh it out. The motivation and muse is high. People are excited and you want to deliver. The difference with Sean is that he wanted it to be as high in quality as he could push for after all our excitement and incessant thirst for more. And his plans involved a budget and more than just himself and none of it was his main focus. It was a fun side project.

HOWEVER, big projects like this get interrupted by life, smaller projects, distractions and other things. Sean got SLAMMED by all of the above non-stop these last few years and then hit a bad burnout. I think that through it all, he hit that dreaded wall some artists with big, long term plans like the egos story hit and lost motivation. It got overhyped. Pressure got too crushing. Any plans he made to FINALLY continue the ego storyline got murdered by Covid more than once (which.. personally the term "excuse" sounds kinda shitty in reference to that imo but I digress). Making promises only to have outside variables beyond his control break them was killing him, so he just stopped promising. And people who have no respect or patience got annoying and some got straight up inexcusably vulgar, immature and hateful before dramatically fleeing the community in a tantrum like he'd personally come to their house and betrayed them. It was infuriating to watch go down.

But no matter how much it might hurt or be disappointing to see it die out, I'm here for Sean and his journey no matter where it takes him. I'm not sitting here being a stubborn beacon of anything. And I also recognize and (no matter how reluctantly) respect that we aren't OWED ego content. Never were. It was not an obligation no matter how many promises he made or how much hype he stirred up. And to be fair? We drove the hype a million miles further than he EVER did and we can't blame him for that. I hate the people who do. I'm grateful for the ego content we got and I'll cry if we ever get more. But if it's done, it's done and we just have to accept it. I, as sad as I am to, accept it. And we can always make our own.

And finally- thanks for the compliment. Idk if I'd say I'm the SMARTEST but that means a lot either way. :')

I hope this gave some answers even though it came out more of a vent/rant and PSA??

Obviously any JSE followers and mutuals please feel free to reblog this. But don't start any fights, not that I really expect there to be any?

[cherry-pop-soda]

hi hii ik we're alr kinda talking abt this but im curious abt your track-by-track reaction to unsound methods :D

okay so it’s been two weeks since I listened to the whole album and my short term memory is actual garbage, and I don’t remember all of the songs super super clearly so I had to go back and re-listen to a lot of them, which is why it took me so long to respond to this. (sorry about that.) but I have so much analysis about this and i’m about to go way too in depth into this so!! let’s get into this!!!

incubus - every alan song has a rly good buildup and climax type of structure but on this song it’s just SO well done to me. I had absolutely NO idea what I was getting myself into with this album as a whole so this song took me kind of off guard at first bc the climax of it is just SO MUCH but it’s grown on me a lot

drifting - I immediately liked this one which is probably a little bit because I really like siobhan’s vocals. but there isn’t such a buildup on this song. but also the words “I taste the tracks of the waste in my head” are just. OUGH. and also every time she says “I am poison” my head explodes for some unknown reason

luscious apparatus - I literally have to mentally prepare myself if I want to listen to this song because it is SOMETHING ELSE. we kind of went over this but I NEED to analyze this song like it’s a lab specimen so pls strap in bc I still have so much to say about this song. first of all the words “luscious apparatus” are so abstract together and I love the way it sounds for some reason. but also the fact that the whole song is a story and such a weird twisted one at that is so cool to me. and then there’s so many small little details that make it that much more off putting to me, like the line “their mouths get smaller with dreams“ and “graveyard shift at the mayonnaise factory” and “1am lunch break”. the way it starts with such small details that don’t totally make sense just adds so much to the whole creepiness of the song. and then ESPECIALLY “jack was trying to carve poems into himself/ and now he wanted to carve some in her” is just one HELL of a line imo. and then finally how after the whole climax of the story happens and its all suspenseful and they just. PAUSE. and then the only conclusion is just the final line “carla didn’t think of jack as a luscious apparatus after that”. they dropped ALL OF THAT with no explanation for what it means at ALL and then leave you there to linger with it for another minute. everything about this song just accentuates how insanely unsettling it is and I LOVE that

stalker - THIS SONG IS ALSO JUST SO CREEPY. and the detail of 911 call sound added in makes it so much more unsettling. And I like how some of the lines are repeated bc I feel like it adds to that feeling. and also I need to mention the like “her serenity oozed into my ear” because THAT IS JUST. SUCH A COOL ARRANGEMENT OF WORDS. IT IS CREEPY AND UNSETTLING AND I ADORE IT FOR SOME REASON. overall this song makes it feel like you are hearing the inner thoughts of the stalker character which is SO CREEPY

red river cargo - I really like how the vocals kind of fade in slightly at the beginning. there’s not a whole lot to say abt the lyrics but the instrumental break at like 2:50 is. EPIC. SHDJXHSNXG. this song feels like a gospel song but distorted and ghostlike. it’s like if a bunch of old ghosts who were all from the same group of people but in different time periods all came together to sing the song and commiserate over their generations of suffering, but because they’re ghosts it comes out distorted. until the very end when it becomes clear again, which makes me think of a new generation from the same group of people singing the same song. maybe it isn’t that deep but I got a very strong (and very intriguing) mental image from it!

control freak - THE FUCKING VOICE CHANGE AT 1:36 IS. SOMETHING ELSE. I’m not even totally sure what else to say abt this song but I am going to brand it as one of the Intense Outrageous Ones™ bc I feel like it deserves it. also the repeated drum sound in the last like?? minute or so?? of the song I just really like for some reason. ALSO also istg it sounds like they play the “you’re all i need to get high” like backwards at some parts which is so interesting to me

missing piece - THIS. THIS IS THE SONG THAT STARTED IT ALL. fun fact! I heard this song a from an audio file that you actually reblogged a while ago! and I was so enraptured that I decided to go listen to the whole album. this song is incredible I ADORE it so much. the opening line “i wanna write myself on the walls of your heart” is SO GOOD. the climax of the song isn’t really super intense but it’s still just so good and I love how it sounds. I also adore the line “sometimes is a lonely place” for. unknown and inexplicable reasons. this is my favorite song on the album I think it is spectacular

last breath - I love how the sound at the beginning sounds like it’s pulsing and how it keeps pausing. it sounds like the musical version of a wind gust that is struggling to maintain its power. and the wolf howling sound is so well placed as is the entrance of the gospel vocals. and the (for lack of bette phrasing) beat drop thing at 2:27 is SOOO GOOD to me for some reason as well. I also do like the drum beat and rewind sound thing at like 4:04. i’m not totally sure what else I want to say about this one but I like it. and the drum at the very very end is also very good. I can’t articulate it well but. all the songs have very good arrangement of sounds but this one sticks out to me for some reason

shunt - idk if this is audible on all devices but I LOVE that the train chugging?? noise at the beginning sounds like it’s literally going left to right across the inside of my phone. and how the echoey noises (I am. horrible at describing things sorry) seriously sound like they’re fucking MOVING TOWARD ME. like it’s in my phone this should not be possible. I also like the more expansive and lengthy notes/sounds that run in the background of the funkier drum and synth sounds. that makes so little sense but yeah. and how the whispers start off totally indecipherable until it gets to the “there’s blood on the line”. like maybe that’s just me and my brain’s shitty sound processing skills that make it impossible for me to decipher the words other than “there’s blood on the line” but i’m not sure. i’m actually really curious what you think about that part or if you can tell what words are being said bc I Cannot, hsjshdjd. also moving on, I like how it gets faster and faster and faster until the very end of the song when all the music just stops and it’s just the two voices. and also how the very last repetition of “there’s blood on the line” echoes so much I just think that sounds really cool

generally speaking, this entire album was so good. it was something else. it was So Much. I especially love how abstract and incredibly poetic a lot of the lyrics are. I might have to make a post series of my favorite recoil lyrics like the depeche mode ones I did after I listen to the rest of his albums.

in conclusion: I feel like these shitty memes I made can articulate my listening experience better than I can, so please have these

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: The Confession

Chris Evans x Best Friend Reader

Warning: Cursing, Super Angst

Words: 3.2k

Summary: Not this time.

Note: Okay, so I told you guys I had an idea and that it was new to me and my blog. TA-DA! I am super excited to see how far I can take this and how I can make this work. I hope you guys enjoy it and I hope this isn’t trash. I have no idea how long this will be, so let’s play it by ear. Tell me what you think. Like it? Hate it? Ways to improve?

Note 2: So we have a series cover. What do you guys think? I don’t love, love it but I like it. 🤷🏽‍♀️ 

Note 3: I tagged everyone who asked for forever tags and those from quarantine thinking you may like this. If you want off, shoot me a message and it’ll be done. Thank you for reading lovelies! 😘😘

***Loosely Edited/Proofread***

***Interactive--kinda***

Previous Chapters: 1  | 

You didn’t sleep one wink after that. Who could sleep after that? You sat up just staring out to nowhere. When you weren’t sitting, you paced your apartment like some crazy woman. When that became too much, you just flipped the tv channels, never staying on one thing long enough to comprehend what was happening. You were restless, and that restlessness freaked you out.

There were so many times you held your phone and just stared at the exchange in a hyper state of anxiety, wondering if he’d send more. After the final message, though, he didn’t send any more. That should have been a relief, but it wasn’t. You then began to wonder why he hadn’t sent any other messages. You wondered if he was drunk and just saying random things, or if he’d meant to send them to someone else.

 By the time the sun was rising, you hadn’t slept a wink. You were wired, mentally exhausted, and completely confused. You were not functioning normally. It took you forever to get dressed and ready to get out the door. By the time you got to your office, you were almost two hours late. That two-hour push back was not ideal. It meant your day would be two hours longer and you had to work triple time to catch up. Thankfully, the only thing that was thrown out of whack was your ability to have any breaks. When you finished one meeting, you immediately had to jump into the next meeting or task. You did your best to stay focused, but it was difficult.

Once the time the normal workday was finished, you were still left with so much to do. The event was two days away, and there were so many things to iron out. Every time you were in the middle of one thing in came the memory of the text messages from last night. That resulted in you rehashing the whole thing before you groaned and got back on track only to repeat the cycle ten minutes later. You heard the chime on your phone go off, and terror stilled you. What if it was Chris, you thought. Five minutes of internal turmoil passed before you took a deep breath and dug your phone out from inside your desk drawer. 

Scott’s message was a relief. After a few deep breaths, you responded with a straightforward lie.

You thought about if you should tell him all about your last twenty-four hours. Chris was your best friend in the world, but you also adored his siblings. With the amount of time you spent with Chris, Scott was almost always around. They had a close relationship, and through your childhoods, you’d gotten close to Scott too. As you began to type to tell him what happened, you paused and deleted it all. You still didn’t know what last night was. You were too chicken shit to text him back to find out. It was like you believed if you just didn’t acknowledge it, then nothing happened, and nothing would change.

Unlikely, but possible, you thought.

He was right. It used to annoy the heck out of you, but you’d come to accept it. He’d always tried to get you out and moving so many mornings before the sun even rose. You were always the one to refuse and try to hide and lock him out. Nothing kept him out, though; he always found a way in to drag you out of bed. 

Highly likely and possible. As you typed it, you screwed your face. You’d come to terms with the fact of Chris being a bit of a—free spirit. You’d been around to see all of his girlfriends, the ones that lasted for a year or more, and even the ones that were just months; all of his flings, and all of his one-night stands. You never judged; it wasn’t your place, and honestly, as long as everyone was consenting, you didn’t care. He was a man with needs. His confession flashed through your mind again, and it swirled with the knowledge of him sleeping around. It didn’t make any sense.

Once you shot off the text, you began to wonder if he was okay. Yeah, there were times he got so busy he just didn’t respond to messages until later but usually if his family called back to back he’d answer. Maybe he was with some girl and too enthralled in their sexcapade that he just couldn’t get around to answering. You began to type a message off to Chris to check if he was okay, but halfway through, you deleted the entire thing. 

“Jesus Chris, Y/N. Thirty-something years of friendship, and now you can’t talk to the man?” You groaned in frustration as you dropped your head to your desk with a heavy “thud.” When your phone went off in your hands, you yelped out in the quiet office, scaring yourself half to death.

That was all it took for your heart to begin a thunderous pace. With bugged eyes, you just stared at the flashing dots that signified he was writing a message.

You bit your bottom lip hard, so hard you tasted the copper-like liquid on your tongue. You weren’t sure just what you were feeling, but you knew it was more than one emotion. Feeling like his words were your sustenance, you inched the phone closer to your face and waited as the dots appeared again.

You gaped at the phone as if it were his face. Just what the fuck were you supposed to say? He knew you better than that. He knew that if you didn’t know what to say, you would remain silent. He also knew that if you didn’t respond, you were pissed. Did he think you were pissed?

They came in like rapid fire. He was texting as he thought. He did it often with you. You did too. 

Panic set in as you realized it was true. “Oh, fuck!”

 It was then your phone began to ring, showing Chris’s face on the screen. Yelping, you accidentally tossed your phone in the air and saw the error of your ways in seconds. As you tried to catch it, it bounced off your hands a few times only to slip through your fingers and bounce on your carpeted floor. When it landed face down, the door opened.

 “Are you okay?”

 You were frozen half laid across your desk with a look of horror on your face. 

“Yeah. I’m—fine.” You did your best to sound as believable as possible as you straightened yourself before you stood to walk over to your friend, Irisa. She bent and picked up your phone, then held it out to you as you approached.

 “I don’t appreciate having to hunt you down. We had plans,” she scolded.

 You’d completely forgotten that you were supposed to meet her at her place to grab a bite to eat.

 “I’m sorry, I forgot. Things have been crazy today.” Irisa rolled her eyes though you knew she’d forgive you.

 “The only place we can go now that we missed our reservation is Baltic to take advantage of your forever table there.

 “Why are you complaining? You know you love Baltic’s food.”

 “I do, but I wanted to try that new sushi spot tonight. God knows the next time you’ll have time for me might not be New Year,” Irisa whined. It was your turn to roll your eyes as you walked back to your desk to gather your things.

Before you put your phone away, you saw another message.

Now he wants to talk. Hadn’t he done enough talking?

Shaking it off, you dropped your phone in your back and turned back to Irisa.

“Why are you so dramatic?”

 “Maybe I learned from the best,” she finished as the two of you walked out of your office.

 You tried to stay present in the cab while the two of you made your way to dinner. You tried to listen to Irisa talk about her day and the blissful bubble she found herself in with her boyfriend, Callum. You knew they’d make a good match; that was why you set them up. Two years later, they were still going strong. Irisa and Callum liked to tag along with you when you hung out with Chris. You didn’t mind; it was always a good time. Annoyance filled you because no matter what, everything usually led back to him. It felt strange to leave him on read. You were always talking throughout the day.

 When you arrived at Baltic, the hostess Bree recognized you and gave you a welcoming smile.

“How are you, Y/N?”

 “I’m good. How are you?”

 “Great. You know I love this place, plus I just got a raise.” You high fived her.

 “Congratulations. You know this place would crumble without you.”

 She laughed loudly and shook her head. “I’m glad the boss isn’t here to hear you say that.” You smiled and allowed her to lead you and Irisa to your seats.

 “Your usual.”

 “Thank you, Bree.” She nodded and walked away back to the hostess desk.

 “I still think she--,” Irisa began before you cut her off with a loud, obnoxious sound. You didn’t want to hear it at all.

 “Okay, fine, I’ll shut up.”

 “Finally,” you joked.

 For the next several minutes, the two of you skimmed the menu and got to talking about the plethora of random things you did when you got to together. You never stayed on one topic for too long, but you always came back to those same topics. Everyone always teased the two of you of your scatterbrain antics, but neither of you cared. This was how the two of you worked.

 An hour later, you and Irisa were deep in plates of food. Since you’d skipped lunch and all breaks, you were starving, and it was apparent thanks to the multitude of plates that were spread out across the table.

 “So, is everything planned for tomorrow?”

 You nodded your answer as you tried to finish the calamari in your mouth. “That had been planned for a while now. What kind of planner would I be if I was still preparing twenty-four hours to the event?”

 “Girl, a simple yes or no would have sufficed,” Irisa shot back.

 She was right. You were still wound tightly thanks to no sleep, stressful conditions, and a particular best friend of yours.

 “Sorry, yes. It’s planned.”

 “Is Chris making the trip back for it?”

 Doing your best to keep a neutral face, you shrugged. “Not sure, but I don’t think so. He’s dead in the middle of working.”

 “Still, it’s an important day for you. He’s always been there for you. I doubt he’d miss it.”

 You thought about her words. She was right. He’d been there for every important event in your life—never missed one no matter what. Thinking back again to his messages and your silence, you doubted he’d come. You shrugged and casually brushed it off.

 “If he’s there, he’s there. If not, eh.”

 Irisa studied you with a quizzical look on her face. She’d no doubt heard the over flippant tone in your voice and was now putting on her investigator hat.

 “You sure you’re okay?”

 After taking a demure sip of your margarita, you smiled at her, hoping it reassured her. “I’m good, I promise.”

 Irisa studied you for a few more moments before she nodded and went back to eating.

 By the time you got home that night is was nearing midnight. You were dead on your feet, and thanks to the six margaritas you’d had, the only thing you wanted was your bed. You quickly stripped then face dived into your plush blankets, pushing everything out of your mind hoping to get a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow would be a long day.

 ~~~~~~~

 The pounding on the door was what jarred you from your sleep. You rolled and crashed to the hard floor.

 “Ouuuch!”

 When you snapped your head up and the time on the alarm clock beside your bed came into focus, you screeched. It was eleven-ten. Bolting to your feet, you hurried down the stairs to the front door to let in the hired hair and makeup team and your assistant Aamal.

 “We’ve been standing here for almost twenty minutes, Y/N.”

“I know Aamal. I’m so sorry. I have no idea what happened. Come, come in.”

 The team of five walked into your townhouse and began setting up. Aamal held out the black garment bag to you. “You’re lucky I called them this morning. You were supposed to get this yesterday.”

 “I know, everything is crazy. I forgot. I’m gonna be late. Give me twelve minutes to take a shower.”

 You hurried up the steps to your bathroom. You’d gotten good at taking twelve-minute showers and still being squeaky clean. While you showered, you blamed the margaritas you’d had for this predicament you found yourself in now. If you’d kept it at one, then you would have woken up on time, and you wouldn’t need to hurry to make it to the party for twelve. At this rate, you had no idea if you were going to make it at all.

 By the time the makeup and hair team began primping and priming you, it was eleven-thirty. You decided to change the planned hairstyle from a sleep updo to a mixture of loose and flowy curls. It would still go with the outfit, but it would take less time to accomplish. Then entire time your foot shook. It was a nervous tick that you’d had since you were five years old, a tick you still hadn’t outgrown. It was a tick only a select few knew what it meant. You were close to losing your shit.

 When you were stuck in traffic eight minutes from the venue, it was a little after twelve-fifteen.

 “Calm down. No one is supposed to arrive until twelve-thirty anyway. You just like to be early,” Aamal voiced.

 “I have to look over the setting and give any last-minute changes.”

 “I don’t know who plans their own party,” Aamal scoffed.

 You were meticulous and knew what you liked. You didn’t want to hire anyone for something you could do for free. Plus, it gave you yet another opportunity to showcase your knack for this career you chose to be in. You loved it.

 When the car finally arrived, you hurried inside through the service entrance and met the rest of your team. As you approached them, you looked around the venue, already pleased with what you saw. The pinks, greens, golds, and other colors of the tropics all went well together. When you had the idea, it was just a few pictures thrown together, and now it was a full-blown tropical luau. A smile spread across your face was the indication your team needed to know that you were happy with the finished product.

“This is perfect, guys. You did well.”

 They looked relieved and then overjoyed. As they walked you through the glass-roofed solarium, you took in every palm tree, pineapple, and bamboo hut you passed. It was perfect.

 Before you knew it, the room filled with your family and friends, everyone had the same reaction as you. They marveled at the beauty of the decorations and the elaborateness of your plans. You were that planner, the one to bring the elaborateness to life.

 “Y/N!” Spinning around, you saw Scott, Lisa, Carly, and Shanna approach you. Once they got close, they engulfed you in a tight group hug. Groaning, you allowed them to smother you.

 “Goodness, you’re gorgeous!”

 “Thank you. I’m so glad you guys could come.”

 “Really, you’re family, of course we’d be here,” Carly expressed with a wide smile.

 You’d all grown up together in one way or the other, and you did feel like they were your sisters.

 “Your mother and I were making the rounds around the room, and I am amazed at what you’ve pulled off,” Lisa said.

 “It’s beautiful in here. I love it,” Shanna added.

 “Me too. It is so much better than I pictured,” you admitted.

 “You’re so modest. You knew you were going to slay this,” Scott teased. Throwing your arms around him again, you giggled, fully appreciating that he was there.

 Aamal approached your side with a wide smile. “Excuse me, I’m sorry to interrupt. I’ve been sent to find you. It’s time for your welcome address.”

 “Right. I’ll be right back guys.”

 With your arm looped with Aamal’s, she led you through the crowd of one hundred toward the spot you’d decided was the best for speeches of all kinds. As you passed friendly faces, you warmly smiled at them and mouthed your thanks for their attendance. When you looked back up, that was when you saw him in the back. Instantly, you felt butterflies in your belly. You didn’t know what kind they were, though. Fuck, you thought.

Chris wore yet another great suit you knew he’d picked himself. You could always tell the difference between a CEvans outfit and a stylist put together one. You bit your bottom lip; you could feel it trembling. He gathered in along with the other guests but kept his eyes glued to you.

 “There you are beautiful.” The familiar deep voice beside you brought your attention from Chris. As you looked upon the smiling face of Jaxon standing before you, the butterflies intensified. Again, you had no idea what kind they were.

“Hi yourself, handsome.” Jaxon lowered his lips to your forehead and wrapped his arm around your hip before he faced the guests.

 “Uh, first, Y/N, and I would like to thank you all for coming today to this shower. It means more than you all could ever know. Um, each of you have impacted us as a couple in some way or form, and we want to thank you for your friendship, advice, and support on the path to us getting here. Let’s raise a glass to each of you; you have our eternal gratitude. Here, here.”

 Everyone repeated the words before they took a sip from their glasses. Before anyone scurried off, Jaxon turned to you.

 “And to my beautiful, kind, loving, and immensely sexy fiancé, the day we met, I knew the second you shook my hand that you’d be my wife. I was always told that when a man knows he’s found the one, there would be no doubt in his mind, and I’m happy to attest to that being fact. You are my future, my destiny, and my home. I love you so much. Thank you for agreeing to become Mrs. Pierre.”

 Everyone around you awed and clapped. You tried not to feel self-conscious, but you couldn’t help it. Jaxon lowered his lips to yours, quickly setting the tone for the kiss as he delved his tongue into your mouth. You moaned, sensing his intent, but like always, you quickly got caught up in his kisses and kissed him with a fraction of the passion he kissed you. The cheers and yelps around you had you pulling away before Jaxon got any ideas.

 “Enjoy yourselves, everyone, eat, drink, party,” you exclaimed, hoping to douse the rising humidity in the room.

 One look at Chris in the back of the room, and you could see the storm on his face and recognized and knew it well. 

He was pissed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

***If you want to be tagged please SEND AN ASK SO IT WILL BE EASIER FOR ME TO KEEP TRACK OF. Thank you for reading!!!

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***There are a few that are bold that I tried to tag but your @ wasn’t coming up. I’m not sure why. I’m sorry.

[icharchivist]

i try not to get worked up when people don’t like my fav characters because i know that on top of me being really forgiving in term of how much a character can do for me to be pissed at them, i also tend to be driven toward more morally questionable characters especially if they did pretty fucked up things to get there. I find those stories fascinating. But even so in general i do my best to be understanding and not think too much about it.

.... but i’m thinking too much about it, so sorry rant under the cut about what a friend told me about Banri that has been working me up all day

one of the friend i dragged into a//3 who told me initially that she liked Banri fine, started to send me messages about Banri like “oh i’m sure this guy would bully Misumi” and i was so????? Like what the fuck??? i know at this point she only watched the anime but...??????

Banri only ever show overprotection over the summer kids. He genuinely cares for them and act as a protector to them, more explicitly so with Yuki and Kumon, even Muku if we take the coin talks, and he is on a set of mutual respect with Tenma. 

I think my friend is jumping to conclusion because of the way Banri treated Juza, but that doesn’t mean “he’s a bully and just want to bully people”, Juza represented something for Banri and this is this something that Banri was attacking. Juza was the first time Banri felt an ongoing thrill since a long long time. His portrait establish that Banri felt dead inside unless he was in a thrill of a fight, and even there it ended quick because he would always win - and Juza being stronger meant that this thrill and battle kept going until after the fight was over. And Banri didn’t know how to interpret that thrill and just thought he had to defeat Juza, until finally he realized he was better growing along with people at Mankai and that he could find his thrill in a place that was neither self destructive nor destructive of others.

His bullying of Juza was more the result of his frustration around what was essentially a depressive mental state, and trying to process this frustration until he could find an alternative, not because he considered Juza weird or that he had to be punished for being outside the norms.

And yeah it sucks that he took it all out on Juza especially since Juza has a history of people always targeting him and attacking him, i’m not saying his actions toward him were okay and i’m not even arguing it wasn’t bullying in some sort, but that doesn’t mean that Banri gets a kick from humiliating people, especially not more “vulnerable” people. He’s shown, on the contrary, to be extremely protective with them. And especially now that Banri found the thrill of a passion that makes him feel alive, and that he’s since shown himself to seek to understand people more and connect with them, i feel that on the contrary seeing them all being so passionate about something is something Banri would want to protect. Imo his speech with Yuki in Into the Night really sums it up.

But i know my friend only watched the anime but it still. rubs me the wrong way, like i did try to nudge by pointing out little details building up to that (mainly that Banri was upset the costumes were destroyed NOT because of the issues with the play but because “who the fuck would destroy Yuki’s hardwork?”. Yuki and Banri’s friendship is really one of my fav dynamic and it is here so early on...) but there’s little i can do without being overbearing and imposing my opinion on her which i do not want to do.

I know my friend has a very hard time with bully types of character and tbh i did tell her originally that i expected her to dislike Banri, so when she told me she liked him it came as a surprise to me.... but now she talks about it a little more and i feel like she’s trying to make him more of a bully in her head than he actually is and it works me up so bad. If she just disliked him, fine, but i don’t like the idea of twisting his character into someone worse than he is just to justify this feeling that is perfectly reasonable to have without having to blow it out of proportion.

She got into the game recently to try to see the stuff the anime cut and she’s waiting until she unlocked the whole story, after which i’ll send her the Act 1 events, and i just hope Into the Night will change her mind on Banri, if not making him likeable to her, just... just not having to make me read that Banri would bully any of the summer kids ever again yaknow?

Especially now right before icwtn that i still haven’t read but i’m pretty sure Banri is supposed to play a teacher who is supposed to help Misumi as a student? so i feel like if a Banri&Misumi is going to be explored there it will continue with the trend of Banri being protective with the Summer kids.

Banri is a character i really love, he’s very high in my top, though i remain aware of the fact the way he treated Juza can really rub people the wrong way.... but i find it disheartening that a character with much more facets of himself is defined by actions that are from a time he was lashing out due to being in a bad mental space. But re: first paragraph i guess. :/

if anything though it kinda makes me feel bad that i got her into it...? tbf it’s not like i told her she HAD to get into it, i think i told her in passing when i got into it two years ago telling her i love it, then it’s mostly that she follows me on twitter so she sees the stuff i post about it there... idk it rubs me the wrong way dkfldjf Like thankfully others people i dragged into a3 have had delightful takes about it and i loved to talk about it with them

this one specifically just kinda makes me hella sad because i don’t want to be forcing my opinion on her either and there’s a line between “i know more stories than you” and just “you’re wrong about how you feel” that can be blurry and i really don’t want to cross it.

And it’s also another layer of meh because it’s not like i liked Banri strongly on my first read either but the moment he realized he liked theater is when i started to genuinely enjoy him and put stuff back into perspective and idk i guess i just. feel sad it’s not that easy for others i guess?

And i’m just kjdhfjd also anxious because yeah so far she just watched the anime and there’s a few things she said about some chara i don’t specifically vibe with (like she finds Sakuya super boring D: my son......) and i get more anxious with the stories to come and well. If you know me you know what i can be really anxious about.

[cloveroctobers]

ELLADINE SARABI

IG info/bio: @/ellasardineabi | 18.5k followers | Artist | i was born with glass bones and paper skin♡

25 years old

Born & raised in Cardiff, Wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

Father was in the n*vy and moved his family around a few times until he and his wife came to a agreement that it would be best for the family to grow up in one solid place

whereas he would leave for months at a time living elsewhere

Which was hard on the family at times since he is viewed as the rock of the family

He eventually left the n*vy after serving 20 years & was so thankful to, he hated it and how it messed with him mentally

He’s also of Iranian heritage

Her mother is of German heritage

Has her own restaurant that serves authentic German food

Both of her parents instilled hard work, discipline, generosity, and how to be practical in their children

Elladine is the middle child

Has a brother that is ten years older than her and then a younger sister who is seven years behind her

Canon: there is currently a discussion going on if they are going to bring their (maternal) nan/mam-gu home since the nursing home isn’t providing the proper care their nan needs

Her mother has a rocky relationship with her mother that she doesn’t like to discuss with her children but her husband knows all about it

Her nan has Alzheimer's and is becoming violent

it has become difficult seeing her most days

Elladine came into glassblowing after being involved in many classes in secondary such as workshop class

which became her fav since she was able to manipulate many materials such as metal, wood, and glass

She also took a auto body class which was interesting but she wasn’t too thrilled about it. Got away with a B- but knew she could do better if she really wanted to but she didn’t need the class to graduate so allow it

Currently works in a glass studio where her work is displayed/sold and she’s one of the main ones that makes great profit

has bought her own space for her own studio and is slowly making it to her liking with her assistant, yes she’s got one!

Hopes to be in that space within the next 6 months...it would have been a little sooner if we weren’t dealing with a global p*ndemic!!! but ya know life f*cking sucks sometimes!!!1!!:) especially if people don’t gaf

Moved back in with her parents so that she could not only help with her nan but get her studio ready, her parents approved since she was working towards something and realized her talent

I definitely see elladine going through a grunge phase and it probably still slips out every now and then lol

Her childhood room is still in shades of raspberry, gray, and a deep purple

always been plus-sized/fuller than the rest but it’s literally hereditary since her mom is built the same way who got it from her dad

Her family never made her feel ashamed as they shouldn’t and none of her true friends made her feel different since they were all of different sizes!!! besides who’s really friends with someone because of their bodies? Ur really ugly if that’s how u roll js

Always a respectful student and not too afraid to spark up a convo with you but can be a little nervous if the person is more of a “I have to warm up to you first” since she’ll feel like she’s annoying you if she carries the convo at first

Takes her time in relationships because she’s scared of getting hurt, cause breakups are not fun! Especially if theyre your friend on top of that

Although Friendship breakups are much worse let’s be honest here!!!

Has noticed that a few of her exes like to bring up that she’s controlling or too bossy in relationships and that makes her a little insecure since she doesn’t view it that way??

She knows what she wants and likes things a certain way, and she can see how it can kinda come off that way based on how she approaches/says things and tries to be better at toning it down and not being offensive to her significant others

Always has a plan and likes to follow it, she definitely keeps to-do lists on a daily

Takes trips to see Nicky often and vice-versa, every moment they spend together feels like it’s meant to be, even when it’s them just simply chilling in each other’s spaces, he’s truly one of her best friends and he feels like the missing part of her life

He offered for her to move in with him but elladine didn’t accept it since she wanted to be there to help with her nan and in fact—she wanted to be the one to ask HIM to move in with her

but if they make it long enough, they’ll go house hunting together...maybe

I get Shawn/Angela relationship vibes from them (boy meets world for those who aren’t aware of this couple and I’m not just saying this because they’re interracial as well lol) did I say this already about someone else? Brain fart lol

everyone relationship has their flaws so when they hit a bump in the road...elladine immediately wants to fix it but it comes off as more critiquing, moodiness/blaming the other

while Nicky can be defensive/argumentive/a little condescending on his end

To get through it, they normally go on a walk together in complete silence until they’re ready to speak again or they take a break from each other

I think words of affirmation is her love language

Taurus sun + Virgo moon + Capricorn rising?

“The girl on the motorcycle” is one of her fav films — no this is not metaphoric to her love life

Loves watching things with captions on since she always finds herself doing something else while watching anything (which irks Nicky a little bit but that’s just the way elladine is and he loves her so he deals with it)

Will rewind something if she missed it too

Canon: never had morning sex before

but can now say she has ;) & understands the pros people say about it and it outweighs the cons in her book

Will start the whole song over too if she missed her fav part in it

She also enjoys billiards since her brother used to work in a pool hall and when he had to watch her because she was “too young” in her words to stay home by herself he would take her there even tho technically she wasn’t supposed to be there but he was screwing his boss’s daughter so it was quite fine

her sister has a crush on Gary & ships elladine with him, which they joke about every now and then + he doesn’t follow her back, which is okay! Not a big deal but her sister keeps sliding in his dms (he’s now single)

She NEVER thought she would be on THE love island and wasn’t that confident that she’d find a real love that carried on outside of the show but Nicky has proven her wrong 🥲

She’s 5’5–5’6

Probably shops at Zara & top shop and has no issue picking pieces that flatter her “pear” figure, she loves all that is of her body: the pudge, love handles, cellulite and all (she’s very confident and won’t let anyone see her moments of doubt when it comes to her frame)

Loves mythology but will tell bill stfu if he comes near her trying to argue about anything in that subject

Very competitive and will rush through certain things, leaving one to think that she’ll fail somewhere but rarely does

If she’s not near or away from the mountains or the sea for long period of time she gets very moody!!! Guess that’s the Welsh in her huh?

Loves fireplaces, they’re super cozy and very romantic if you catch ella’s drift 😏

Probably smells like jasmine & pink pepper idk

Wants to travel to Iceland one day

Knows her way around a car but dreads having to get it fixed or fixing it herself?

Loves driving until her road rage kicks in? Oh you’re gonna go around her to get in front of her? Never that. She’ll always be in front of you and will break check you if you try her “Drewgi” she mutters

Early riser and goes to bed early too lol

She’s the crying drunk lmao

Automatically vieve has become one of her best friends from the villa but it deff didn’t feel forced like it normally would have just because their bfs have a podcast together, they talk about everything together. EVERYTHING! It feels like she’s the big sister she never had, yet they’re only a year apart lol

They have ft sleepovers and man is it fun!

Forgave lily but at the same time can’t fully see herself being friends with her like vieve tried to encourage before they went on the yacht...sorry everything can’t be Kumbaya over here sis

It sucks to say but it was easier? She doesn’t know if that’s the right term or not... for her to forgive rafi than it was lily and it’s fucked up but that’s the way it is. It’s not like she contacts him on seperate messages or anything like that! She’ll talk to him via group chat and that’s pretty much it. She knows it was all part of the show and production’s bs for ratings but that doesn’t mean it still didn’t hurt

Wishes him success on his shows/movies but doesn’t engage/watch them

What does she post? I feel like she posts maybe three times a month and a lot are outfit pics but tends to go live more so to chat with the people! She’ll also show all what glassblowing entails while chatting away! She loves that part and is pretty open about things but knows how to keep some things private

Personally wasn’t the biggest fan of season 1 but admits she wishes she had mc’s balls in terms of what she would have done if she was in elladine’s place when lily picked Nicky, “ugh! I wish I had her strength rising through my veins in that moment. Absolute riot. Adore her.”

‘“Licky” is a ugly ass ship name anyways so who’s really winning here?!’

Celeb crushes? Iwan Rheon, Henry Zaga, Anthony Welsh, jason derulo, & LaRoyce Hawkins

Listens to: soleima, Marisa Maino, Ava Max, poppy, Caroline polachek, Donny Hathaway, Phil Good, & SAINt JHN

Anthem — M.I.A. “Bad Girls”

[smutty-ki113r]

hi it’s me🦦! i’m so glad you’re back we all really missed you. i guess i have a few updates to share but they are kinda long so brace yourself!

1. i’ve been feeling so envious lately and i know it’s normal and it happens to everyone but i just feel so weird man! i guess it’s a mix of a lot of different things with my friends that , that’s why i’m feeling this way. plus i just feel shitty from it because i know i should be happy for them, and i completely am, but i wish that same energy would come my way as well:/ it sounds selfish but it’s how i feel

2. i took a break from posting on my tumblr blog and no one noticed…i haven’t really been in the right mental state and fuck dude i decided it was best for me to take a break from posting on tumblr. i posted an update like 4-5 days ago saying how i was taking a break and if anyone needed me to clear up any questions they had on any requests they may have sent it and nope no one replied, no one cared, and. don’t even think people saw it:/ it kinda hurts because i’m not expecting people to send me anon shit but at least one person could have like it so i knew that my message was out their and that my followers know! so i’m kinda upset about all that stuff

3. more on a positive note my stationary should be coming in hopefully today or tomorrow! i’m very excited about that. it will be something to cheer myself up.

4. lately i’ve been just super bummed out and i just want to disappear! i doubt anyone would noticed though and i just want to crawl into a ball and cry. i feel as if i’m alone and i like my alone time but i’m starting to feel like a burden to my friends and if i’m being honest i feel like they secretly feel like that too. like they wouldn’t say anything to me but i feel like i do constantly bother them. i just don’t get excited doing stuff anymore. i feel so out of it that i just get excited for the night so i can just lay in bed and try to forget all my problems:/ i’m just drained and i feel so alone.

well sorry for the bummer rant i hope you have a great day though! ta ta🦦

You can ALWAYS rant to me- whenever you want! Its never a burden.

Ya know, ive learned that what seems like amazing and great for other people who have hurt you, it only lasts so long. Those people will only get whats really coming for them. And i know how it feels, cause why is that FAIR. I’ve been feeling super jealous too, I tend to. Literally it’s so stupid cause the person I like, a bunch of people like too 🤡 and I get super self conscious cause I start comparing myself-

It took me a while to come to terms with the fact that in retrospect this is just a social media platform, and its so so easy to get obsessed and addicted. I know I am at least, but your followers and the people on here aren’t usually thinking about you all the time, trust me I used to check my asks like 10000 times in an hour to see if this ONE person responded. A much as I hate to say it, if you don’t have a large following platform yet there is chance that not a lot of people are gonna regularly check your blog. I had to get to around 300 before i started getting anons and things like that.

IM SO EXCITED FOR UR STAITONARY YAY!!

Honestly that last paragraph I FELT!!! I mean on top of the fact that im about to get on my time of the month I also have these insane problems with my family atm AND it’s the retrograde starting today, so just a warning. Blame it on Jupiter. You’re not alone I promise, I used to feel like that a lot until I developed a strange sort of bond with myself that I never talk about cause I feel like people will tell me im literally crazy. Literally break, take a BREAK. From everything and just chill. Its actually super helpful.

ANYWAY LOVE U

[sagemoderocklee]

Writer ask meme - everything divisible by 3

Sorry this took so long to reply to! I was writing out my responses today, but while watching Rosewell New Mexico with my roommate and that show is SO good. anyways this is really, really long so I will put part of it under a read more however if you are reading TAoL and want a sneak peak at an upcoming chapter, my answer to 36 is the entire first scene for that chapter

3. What is your favorite/least favorite part about writing? Other than the obvious writer's block, I think that my least favorite part is feeling insecure/wanting validation via comments and such. Writing is something I really enjoy doing and take great pride in trying to grow as a writer, but it's impossible to completely shake off that feeling of insecurity and sadness over something that doesn't get comments. There's this common thing in fandom where like you can pour a lot of heart and energy into something, be really skilled, only for it to get overlooked. There's obviously a lot of reasons for that, but some of those reasons are kind of annoying—like god forbid something not have sex in it, ya know?

6. Favorite character you’ve written?

So, that's hard.... If we're talking the canon Naruto characters, it can really vary from story to story. I obviously enjoy writing Gaara and Lee, but I was surprised to find that I really enjoy writing Shikamaru, Kankurou, Temari, Neji, and Tenten as well. I think all of them are really interested, have a lot of potential, and are fun in very different ways. Kankurou is definitely just flat out fun to write, and I think Tenten is very similar in the way she's fun to write. I think this like handful of characters are all faves for very different reasons so it's hard to say who my absolute fave is, but I really enjoy writing all of them. Definitely my fave thing is being able to write all of them interacting together, however.

9. Favorite/least favorite tropes?

Least: Soulmates. I hate that shit with a passion—it's boring, it's artificial, it's easy. There was a post I just saw recently that said “soulmates are stupid. I love you on purpose” and that just sums up so much of my issue with soulmates. If something is predetermined by some fucking cosmic power, do you really ever love that person? Do you really ever know that person? Soulmate AUs will always be something that bore me and also insight anger. It's just not for me, and I wish that fandom spaces would just get over it, in all honesty. Fave: uh. I don’t really know about like trope-wise. I just really like anything with good world building and politics.

12. Which story of yours do you like best? Why? Oh gosh.... um. That's really hard to answer because every story I write has a special place in my heart for different reasons. Alliance is my baby; TAoL is a huge emotional investment and has allowed me to grow even more as a writer; Absolution is something I've always wanted to explore; Flyweight Love is super fun and cute; IEYH is a new experiment in writing for me; GoD was also an experiment... and on and on. It's hard to pick like a favorite story because like they're all my faves in different ways. There are certainly things I like more or prefer, like I'm not that into modern Aus as much so it's easier for me to say that like Find Me isn't a one of my best—it isn't, there's a lot of things I want to fix on it, and while it is a decent fic, it's not like groundbreaking imo. But like for all of the things that need fixing with Alliance, that fic is my baby and really grounded me as a writer in a way no other writing project had before it. So like I could never not love it. Anyways, I'm babbling at this point, but basically I love all my fics so I can't choose.

15. How do you deal with self-doubt when writing? Rereading my writing tends to help and hoarding some of my favorite comments I've been left by readers. I know I'm a good writer, self-doubt and insecurities aside, so re-reading stuff is really a good confidence booster—but when that's not enough, it is really helpful to look back at old comments.

18. Tell us about that one book you’ll never let anyone read

Of mine??? Well, obviously by 'book' we're going with fanfiction because none of my original content is at a point where I'd really even consider it for this question. Um. Honestly, I don't think there's much if anything. Maybe some HP fics but not because I'm not like... proud of the writing or premise. Like I'd say my ideas are really good, it's just a matter of like my own time management and shit.

21. What aspect of your writing are you most proud of?

My world building. I'm also generally proud of the premises I come up with, and the themes I explore with my writing. Like I think I'm a good writer in terms of the like technical writing aspect—pros and such—and also characters, but I think I excel at world building and overall plot.

24. Do you remember the moment you decided to become a writer/author? The first time I ever wrote anything I was seven years old. I was at a party for my mom's boss? I think it was a birthday party? Anyway, I was the only kid there—which was fine because I was used to being the only kid in gatherings—but I was sitting alone by like a window and I just like started writing a poem about the night. That was like the first time that writing really became a part of me. When I was thirteen, when my mom got sick, I started writing poetry more. And when I was fourteen, I started writing fanficiton and that's kinda just... never stopped. I've been writing stories ever since.

27. Every writer’s least favorite question - where does your inspiration come from? Do you do certain things to make yourself more inspired? Is it easy for you to come up with story ideas?

My inspiration comes from everywhere, not to like be cliched. But inspiration really is in everything and everyone. I tend to find inspiration really easily in music, but it's also in just like the day-to-day; it's in other writers; it's in washing dishes; it's in a day trip to the ocean; it's in a quote or a touch or a word. Like genuinely, it's in big things and little things and things that shouldn't even be things. I don't feel like I really struggle with inspiration so much as motivation, really. And that is... a much harder thing to find sometimes (especially when you're mentally ill)

30. Do you like to read books similar to your project while you’re drafting or do you stick to non-fiction/un-similar works?

Um. I like to read fantasy mostly, but I don't look for something similar or different from my projects intentionally. I just.... look for things that I like? But I don't really know how to explain that lol

33. What’s your revision/rewriting process like? Since I'm writing mostly fanfiction and the culture of having a beta reader has dwindled significantly, making it hard to find one, I do a lot of self-editing. I'm usually re-reading a lot as I'm writing. So until a chapter is done, I'm always going back and reading/editing before moving on to the next scene. And then once I'm done writing a chapter I'll usually edit it about two or three times in full in the document, then I put it in draft on Ao3 for another edit before posting.

36. Post a snippet All right a snippet..... Let's go with something from: The Art of Love, Chapter 13 (not the next chapter, but the one after). Since I left everyone hanging for so long with that last scene of Gaara and Lee, this is the entire first scene to ch13: It was all his fault. If he hadn't let himself get so carried away in the dream of Gyokukakushin, in the dream of Gaara, in the dream of safety they didn't have this wouldn't be happening. Their belongings had been stuffed haphazardly into their various bags. Despite how many times he'd checked and double checked, Lee felt sure that he'd overlooked something—some wayward item that had rolled beneath the bed or fallen behind the desk that would give them away. Gaara had watched him silently, his thoughts kept to himself as Lee dashed about their room like a mad man.

“I think that is everything,” Lee managed over the mantra of 'My fault, my fault' cycling through his mind. His voice trembled as he spoke. Every inch of him trembled. Every breath he took rattled in his chest. Every beat of his heart was a stutter against his rib cage. Every ounce of blood pumping through his veins burned with the need to run.

“This is useless,” Gaara said, the first words he'd spoken since the beach.

Lee snapped his head up, meeting Gaara's enigmatic gaze. “But—”

“They don't set sail until the end of the month,” he reminded Lee. “What use is being packed? Besides, it will look suspicious if we leave now.”

Tears burned at the corners of Lee's eyes. “But if they are coming—”

“They're coming,” Gaara murmured. “But even if they arrive before we've departed, we have our disguises. You have to trust that we'll be fine.”

Lee's head spun. How could Gaara be so calm? How could he sit there, quiet and unshakable, when Lee felt as though the world were falling apart around them? How could he be so sure that eleven days from now, they'd set sail, free and undiscovered? How was he not furious with Lee for his complacency?

Gaara was at Lee's side before Lee could shake the spinning in his head, a gentle hand at Lee's elbow and a surety in his eyes.

“I know you won't let anything happen to me,” he told Lee, as soft and insistent as the thumb he'd once pressed against the corner of Lee's mouth.

“No. Never.” Lee's stomach twisted, guilt rising like the tide. He'd let his feelings jeopardize everything.

“Then what do you have to fear?”

A trembling laugh escaped Lee, soft and unsteady. He had everything to fear, yet Gaara's gaze implored him to forget those fears. He managed to speak, his tongue heavy with the lie, “I do not know.”

“Then do not know fear. It will make this harder for us, especially if the Daimyo's soldiers arrive before we've left.”

“If they do—”

“If they do, we will be as unknown to them as any other traveler. And if not, I trust your speed to carry us to safety.”

“We would miss our ship.”

“If it comes to that, so be it. We can find other ways of traveling to Tea Country.”

Lee allowed himself to believe all would be well because he couldn't believe anything else when looking into the depths of Gaara's eyes, but there was no escaping his gnawing guilt or the knowledge that his heart had led them to ruin.

39. Do you spend a lot of time analyzing and studying the work of authors you admire? I wouldn't say a lot of time per say, certainly not as much as I should, but I definitely do like to analyze other works and learn new skills, etc.

42. How many drafts do you usually write before you feel satisfied? I don't really write “drafts” per say. Since I'm just writing fanfiction, I'm usually just writing and then heavily editing. Sometimes editing does mean taking out and entirely rewriting entire scenes. And sometimes in writing fics, I do jump ahead—though very rarely—and write a rough draft of a future scene so I don't lose the idea/beats/etc, and then that will be re-written fully when I do get to it. But on average, I'm just doing a lot of editing.

45. First or third person? Third, definitely. I'll never be able to write first person cause it just doesn't really suit me and, overall, I think that it's a very hard point of view to write from. For me, it takes a special

48. Do you prefer to write skimpy drafts and flesh them out later, or write too much and cut it back? So before I write something, depending on what it is I will write an outline that can vary from a few sentences to like pages.

51. Are you a secretive writer or do you talk with your friends about your books? A bit of both really. I love talking about the things I'm working on, but I also love to keep things a surprise so I can see what people's genuine reactions are to like plot twists or whatever. Of course, my problem is that I have to like—talk about my projects to stay motivated. It's a hard balance. I usually end up talking with my roommate since they also write fanfic for Naruto but not GaaLee. We can bounce ideas off each other, when we're stuck, etc.

54. Favorite first line/opening you’ve written? Ugh this is another hard one...  I think im gonna go with the opening from IEYH right now as one of my fave becuase I think I did a decent job of setting the tone of my very first horror project: Too often, ghost stories begin with dark nights or horrible, gruesome death. Real ghosts don't follow the patterns of a novel; there are no beginnings, middles, and ends; no rising action and falling action; no denouement. Ghosts do not achieve resolution; ghost do not experience the climax of their own tale. There are no happy—or even sad—endings. There are no endings at all.

Ghost stories go on and on and on, rambling endlessly towards nothing and no where, only stopping for the finite amount of words one can speak or write in one's lifetime.

That is the true horror of death: ceaseless, unending nothingness.

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-10-15

More Homestuck, continuing directly from last time.  Gonna Bang Out A Liveblog Quick (GbOALq)…

No chapter title this time, just straight continuation.  (By the way, I didn’t reblog it so spoilers don’t headline my blog but this post regarding last upd8 is delightful)

> (==>)

Okay, this makes more sense as to why they both disappeared -- Vrissy is either trying to get her back or is going along and just being grousy about it, or one under the pretense of the other or the like.

By the way, if Rose specifically planned in a way that involved telling Vriska to sit on the sidelines and not doing anything, shouldn’t she ABSOLUTELY KNOW, one-hundred percent with a combination of her Seer of Light powers and common sense, that Vriska will Not Do That?  --so whatever Vriska is about to do I’m going to assume Rose has accounted for it, unless she’s like...

...sworn off using her powers much, or something.  That would super suck and I would hate for that to be in this story regardless of themes.

Vriska Maryam-Lalonde, recently "Vrissy," and potentially "You Are So Grounded You Are Never Leaving The House Again," isn’t what’s commonly referred to as an "outside girl".

She likes grass. It’s fine! To look at. And so are trees, as long as they’re somewhere off in the distance, swaying gently in the breeze. Trampling through them is not on the list of acceptable tree activities. Vrissy is already sweaty and dirt-streaked, and there’s probably like fifty gnats trying to drink her eye fluids. At this rate she almost envies Tavros his role as Batterwitch Bait. Sure, he has to pretend to be threatened by Vrissy’s mom, which is lame as hell and also very embarrassing, but at least his eye fluids are safe.

So she’s fine with this in principle, just not with the work involved? Or--

VRISSY: Hey, can you slow Down a Little? VRISSY: I have to run over Shru8s and shit, I can’t Fly! VRISKA: Hah! And who’s fault is that???????? VRISSY: My shitty 8iology I guess! VRISSY: Sorry, not all of Us had SGRU8 Sessions to make ourselves Immortal. VRISKA: Well, we’ll take care of that, don’t even worry a8out it. VRISSY: Lol I wish.

Oh Christ, we really should have seen it coming.  OF COURSE VRISKA is going to get her hands on a copy of the Game and try and have these kids play it, regardless of whatever meteor-based consequences to this happy society.  FUCK.  She doesn’t even see any reason to hide it!

--reading on, some discussion of how people on Earth C view the ability to fly unaided as a sort of religious thing so shot down Roxy’s idea of letting everyone fly.  Why does society always keep trying to shut down Roxy all the time

VRISKA: Really, we have to get you a god tier. That’s pretty much the only solution at this point. VRISKA: Ideally we’d go back to when you were a wiggler and start your training right away, 8ut that’s not exactly an option. So god tier it is. VRISSY: Is that even Possi8le? outside of the Game? VRISKA: Nope. 8ut we don’t have to worry a8out that, once we get back into SGRU8. VRISSY: What???

This is what you get for letting Vriska back into your story:  She starts another meteor apocalypse and destroys your Happily Ever After.  Fuck.

VRISKA: We have to start this shit over again, you have all let it get so out of hand there’s really nothing to do besides a hard reset.

NO.  Fuck you.  You just don’t like hard work.

(I know everything is accidentally going to end up working out “alright” whatever happens, but even if Vriska’s self-aggrandizing malfeasance HAPPENS to be the cause of it, I really, really don’t want her fucking ideology to be the cause of it.  She shouldn’t be Aesma of Kill Six Billion Demons mythology, she’s had too many flirtations with ACTUALLY learning a lesson and BEING EARNEST ABOUT IT to be the selfish chaos at the heart of victory and living.)

(Yes, I recently caught up with KSBD and it’s awesome.)

> (==>)

VRISKA: This is a perfect spot for a fight. An am8ush point. VRISSY: !! VRISKA: Don’t worry about it, that’s good. That’s what we’re looking for.

Vriska leveraging her luck and assuming they’ll be followed when she wants to be.

> (==>)

That’s a really, really damn good waiting-for-an-ambush image.  Pretty hilarious.

(Still having a background mental fit about how this HS2 crew might REALLY be trying to make Vriska the Aesma of the Homestuck “universe” which is just aaaAAAUGH NOBODY SHOULD WANT THAT.  I’ll be really unhappy with the end product of THIS ENTIRE HS2 PROCESS if they pull that shit, no matter what side benefits there are or how happily it ends.  Hell, ESPECIALLY if it ends happily.  They’re having fun elevating her somewhat more than most people agree she deserves but they shouldn’t elevate her TO THAT LEVEL. EDIT3: More discussion on that here if you don't know what I mean.)

> (==>)

VRISKA: This is actually way more fun than I thought it would 8e. VRISKA: 8ringing around a younger, dum8er me. VRISSY: I think we’re 8asically the Same Age. VRISKA: Whatever!

(Fuck you!)  :)

> (==>)

wait what the fuck--

MANDATED HAIRSTYLES?????

what the fuck!???

EDIT: plausible theory here

> (==>)

Vrissy is that fuzzy dice kind what the hell

> (==>)

Circle, fifteen guys, no special significance that i can detect

> (==>)

Oh is War Shit kinda poppin off alongside the whole church thing?

> (==>)

Colorful ship design, weird zoomout frame transition; something wasn’t smooth with that

Anyway is orbital bombardment gonna happen or?

> (==>)

JOHN: vriska! JOHN: i mean, vriskas!! JOHN: where are JOHN: oh fuck

yeap

> (==>)

Is John flying out under the ship away from the house?  That’s really irresponsible.  (And abruptly transitioned, I didn’t realize it happened at first.  KEYFRAME THINGS BETTER AUGH)

--why is that belly button window still there?  I thought we had a line about Harry fixing his outfit, or at least having the capability to, did they not have time to finish?  Let me check, that’s bugging me:

HARRY: plus i wouldn’t have been able to get your measurements for some clothes that actually fit you if we hadn’t come back here where all my sewing stuff is.

Oh GOT IT.  Harry TOOK his measurements, but hasn’t fixed his outfit yet.

> (==>)

JOHN WHY DID YOU GO ALL THE WAY TO THE CHURCH WHO THE FUCK IS PROTECTING THE KIDS

> (==>)

Okay you’re back at Your House instead of Roxy’s house?

What, going to fight the ship or

I mean you could but you’re kind of forgetting what was the most important damn thing a few panels ago you jackass

> (==>)

Is that a bomb or fucking take out??

Why blow up John’s HOUSE that’s just so petty

> (==>)

ka-house

(pretty)

about time John stopped languishing in his childhood home instead of living life, anyway.

> (==>)

(o no i didnt want john to be sad tho)

it’s fine, he’ll be angry next panel or so

> (==>)

UM THE WHOLE SKY IS GETTING DARK???? HOW LONG ARE YOU SITTING HERE AND LETTING THIS BURN OUT???

HOW MANY HOURS ARE YOU LEAVING THOSE KIDS UNPROTECTED YOU GOLDFISH MEMORY CHUCKLEFUCK

> (==>)

APPARENTLY ALL OF THE HOURS BECAUSE IT’S NIGHT NOW YOU ASS

and that’s the last panel

yknow if we are going to have an arc about john learning to be a slightly more responsible parent it would help if it SHOWED HIM LEARNING ANYTHING

GOODNIGHT

EDIT2: Anonymous asked: "I think the whole "John watches his house burn down" is more him coming to terms with who Jane has become. In the last update they mentioned how Rose(I think it was Rose) baited Jane into believing John and the kids were hiding out at his place, and Jane just destroyed it, so he's coming to terms with the fact that she just tried to kill not only John and Vriska, but the kids too."

Oh shit. I forgot about that from the previous update: "JOHN: but rose sent out some false intel about us heading toward my house, so technically this is the safest place we can be right now, since they cleared the area and everything." He really does have to come to terms with the fact that Jane just tried to murder them all, too, so shit is definitely real.

...Which makes the fact that he didn't rush off to guard the kids in response to THAT NEW FACT still pretty galling, but.

[warfear]

WHAT’S GOOD, PARTY PEOPLE ?     the name’s mads :    twenty - four summers young, in love with cj from dawn of the dead (2004), mortal enemies with amc’s the walking dead and so very excited to be here. thus, without further ado, below the cut you’ll find the basics—the general gist—about my horrible, poorly written bastard children. 

trigger warnings for : cancer, death, kidnapping, abuse and assault !!

APOLSKIS, JULIAN      —      twenty-four, comic store clerk.

BASICS :     born in seattle, julian moved to fort elms when he was a whooping eleven years old. why, you don’t ask. well, because he got diagnosed with a gnarly case osteosarcoma and his father took ONE LOOK at that hospital bill and vanished into thin air, that’s why ! so, mommy dearest took her kids and skipped town as well. for less horrible reasons, of course. since then, his cancer has came and went and came back again. until finally it went for the last time, taking his leg with it as it did. he’s cancer free now ! three years and counting. we do love that for him … depressing facts aside, he’s in a punk rock band because we gotta Stick It To The Man. they suck but he’s decent on the drums and that’s all that matters. him. yeah, he’s a bit of a prick. a lovable prick. loves to play the devil’s advocate and hates talking about his feelings because ~ romantic trauma ~. but other than that, a decent guy, alright ! put some respect to his name. 

WANTED CONNECTIONS … 

ex - girlfriend :     bringer of trauma … she was his second ever girlfriend and their relationship was good, okay ! lasted almost two years. and then, without warning, she dumped him, THROUGH A NOTE. left without a word and that was that. a big bitch move, i’d say. 

mother :     the best mom there is ! worked three jobs to support her family after the deadbeat left, and is overall the best person juli knows and will ever know. she’s a second generation polish immigrant and very insistent on julian retaining his jewish heritage. pops was christian, so … gross. 

father :     not much to say about this bastard except he hasn’t spoken to his own children in thirteen years. not as much as a birthday card ! who knows where he is now. we’d like for him to be dead in a ditch but odds are he has a new family. i’d love for julian to knock him out, please hit me up for that. 

hospital buddies :     like i said, he spent most of his childhood in a hospital. so he must’ve made at least one friend there. they can be a teenager, they can be a senior citizen — as long as their friendship was thrust onto julian by sheer proximity and boredom. he’s obviously well now but i’d like for him to have a sliver of his past life close. 

DIMEO, BRANDON      —      thirty-five, mall cop.

BASICS :     very italian. a walking italian stereotype, really. his family is huge and he’s close with them all. too close. i’m talking yearly hunting trips, weekly family dinners, and a mother who still does his laundry. which means, yes, he’s a momma’s boy. a bit of a scrub, if you will. flopped out of the police academy in his early twenties, as he’d almost done high school, and settled for acting cop at the local mall. he’s a bit of a dumbass, and by a bit i mean a lot. unintelligent to the point where he can’t do basic math. emotionally unintelligent to the point where he can’t have a long - term relationship. we do love that. also a big fan of the charlie’s angels television series, AS HE SHOULD BE. he’d be an angel of charlie’s if he could be …

WANTED CONNECTIONS …

ex - girlfriend :     i’m talking first and only. probably didn’t get together until his mid - late twenties, and didn’t last that long either. probably had issues with his weird relationship with his mother, probably didn’t appreciate that he couldn’t clean his own house, probably wanted a man and not a little boy. she definitely dumped him. oh, well.

family :     he has A LOT. two parents ( i was gonna say obvi but is it obvi, i don’t think so. check yourself @ me ) and three brothers … but he’s the baby of the family, physically and mentally. i feel for his mother. i’d love for him to have a kid cousin, though. like one girl ( except his mommy ) he treats well. it’d be cute, shut up.

friends with benefits :     pretty self - explanatory. no strings attached, no commitment, no expectations … it’s all poor donnie here can muster in life. so do give it to him, please and thank. 

broskis :     he needs friends ! who aren’t other mall cops ( sorry egg take it up with HR ) … maybe dudes he’s known since high school, his OG home - boys. either to enable his antics or to call him out on his shit. i’ll take anything for brodawg over here. 

KINNEY, SAWYER      —      twenty-two, vet student.

BASICS :     god’s favorite. just kidding … i don’t think her love for him is much reciprocated. first dropped off as an infant @ the local church’s doorstep, then adopted. all is well ! no, her adoptive parents die in a car crash thirteen years later. she was there, too. sole survivor … even her baby brother passing away in the accident. shit’s tough, my dudes. she still has her older siblings, but who cares about them. was diagnosed with epilepsy shortly after ( she hates it, thanks ) and now lives with a disorder to remind her even more of the event. BIG YIKE LET’S MOVE ON … she’s a ray of sunshine ! loves animals and soccer to death. a social butterfly with no concept of personal space. insistent on not minding her business, plagued by a constant need to be liked by EVERYONE. book smart, emotionally intelligent … yet a whole dumbass. we love to see it.

WANTED CONNECTIONS …

cousins :     fun tidbit, after her parent’s death she moved in with her uncle and his children. so, give me those very children ! her siblings are both older than herself and i’m dying for some same - aged partners in crime here. who played soccer with her after school ? who tried beer with her for the very first time ? i am WAITING.

soccer pals :     captain of the local girl’s soccer team, since seventeen baby, sawyer’s in dire need of her soccer pals. y’all ever see the netflix original girls with balls ? yeah, me neither, but that could still be them versus the zombies. they’re all so close and athletic i NEED them to team up against the undead.

toxic church friends :     i’m not calling christianity toxic … i’m calling white church going pinterest loving bitches toxic. i just think it’d be neat for her to have people from that part of her life really pushing this ~ religious agenda ~ onto her further. you know, shaming everything that she does. WHY NOT ! can’t think of a single reason why not, actually.

someone to get under :     look … last year she got DUMPED by her boyfriend. it was rude as hell ! you don’t need to know his reason, okay … she did no wrong, mind your business … either way, give me SOMEONE ELSE for her to focus on so she can finally get over that skinny motherfucker. it doesn’t have to be reciprocated AT ALL, homies. she can thirst from afar … as long as her attention is redirected from ex - boyfriend to wow - possible - boyfriend. ja feel me ? cool.

OSWALT, KEVIN      —      twenty-one, waitress.

BASICS :     born in fort elms as rowan blake, this teensy bitch had a good life going. two parents, three older siblings, one cool ass dog… you get the gist. but all things must come to an end, no ? so, when rowan here was five years old, she was approached by a teenage girl by the name ryan, and booboo the fool as she was, rowan followed this older, much cooler girl right into a stranger’s car… and then rowan was no more ! she spent the next year thirteen years of her life as kevin oswalt, living with her new sister and new mother — creepily nicknamed mama. to say her life with the oswalt’s was good would be… well, it’d be a lie. because kevin wasn’t the first kid they ‘napped, and neither was she the last. lets just say that house was a shit - fest and we should be glad she managed to run away at the tender age of seventeen. by sheer luck, she wound up back in fort elms and by even more luck, she managed to get an education and graduate. unrealistic ? take it up with 2016 me. other than that super fun backstory, kevin’s baby. she likes books  ( always has, though it was her only form of entertainment for a good chunk of her life there )  and she likes french fries. she’s still discovering the world around her, even if she has been out and about for about four - ish years now. so if she’s a BIT NAIVE, then excuse her…

WANTED CONNECTIONS …

ex - boyfriend :     not to go into too many details but kev’s introduction to the dating scene was less than ideal… barely legal and kept under wraps for A YEAR. it sucked, okay. not a good first experience, IN MY OPINION. kevin has another but she’s stupid. EITHER WAY, that left her kinda fucked - up when it comes to relationships. so, when she started dating her other ex circa summer 2017, she was pretty not - that - into - him. sorry we can’t all be over our 30 year old boyfriends… she never even said those three little words and them bitches dated for a year. TRAGIQUE.

brother :     tragically, throughout the years, kevin’s brother is the single family member not picked up and that’s just… fucked, if you ask me. either way — his name is marcus blake but you can change his first to whatever ! he’s the sibling she was closest to as a wee bairn, alright. and i need him here… even if he wouldn’t know her as his sister anymore, but seeing as kev has managed to weasel her way into the blake family through mother and sisters REGARDLESS if anybody remembers or not, i’d say they’d cross paths anyway. oh, and he’s in a band… which isn’t to say juli’s, i mean it could be, but that’s not what i’m saying… anyways, that’s all.

bad influence :     kevin’s too nice. and i don’t like it. so, please, pretty please, give me a plot of pure mayhem. somebody less outwardly chaotic than pippa but more scheming, and maybe capable of convincing kevin to grow a spine. think penelope and josie in legacies… but not gay. i mean, it COULD be gay. i’m not saying it HAS to be gay… mind your business.

victim by proxy :     okay, hear me out… the oswalts are crazy people, and although kevin would like to be excluded from that narrative, she simply cannot. so, consider giving me somebody with some sort of connection to the kiddos missing  ( alternatively : to the man she shanked… girls, ya gotta read her bio, i’m not exposing her further :see_no_evil: )  so kevin’s guilt can just SKYROCKET. that’s fun, right ? make friends with some poor bitch who’s little bro went missing, knowing full well what happened… sickening, kev, get help.

ROSILIO, ODETTE      —      thirty-five, florist.

BASICS :     flaky defined. dropped out of high school, dropped out of california, dropped out of her own wedding … i mean, the list goes on. originally from mexicali, mexico odette moved to chino, california at the ripe age of five. her mother then proceeded to lose custody six years later. * that one vine vc * WAY TO GO, PAUL ! in and out of foster care since, eventually choosing to stay out for the remainder of her teens. until she got herself knocked up ( not by choice but ait ) and was forced to move back in with mommy … but hey, it all turned out fine in the end ! and when her daughter was four years old, she dipped forever. she’s since been living all over the states, only moving to fort elms five - ish years ago. and has indeed stayed put since. even if she did manage to pull a runaway bride. a bit of a bitch move, but at least she’s consistent. ish. because she’s not a bitch, okay, she’s simply … out of fucks to offer the world. can i get an amen. 

WANTED CONNECTIONS …

ex - fiancé :     like i said … left at the altar, that’s gotta knock you down a peg. or two. but she didn’t mean to stomp on his balls like that. in fact, they were very much in love at one point. dated for about two years until marriage was brought up and well, cold feet took over. and there’s no coming back from being a no show at your own wedding, is there. so that was that. marriage over before it even started. they didn’t get much of closure but that’s life for you.

mother :     a horrible mother, plain and simple. she was in and out of jail when odette was in her custody, mostly due to drug related charges which was … not cute, girlie was like eight years old. though who knows, maybe she’s cleaned up her act, and maybe she’s ready to get back in her daughter’s life. or maybe she’s just looking for money … either way, get miss marisa to washington !

employees :     i want … snotty teens, or early twenties bitches that she’ll have to manage. she’s had it with her own daughter, why not add more children for her to boss around. that, or somebody at work who she doesn’t wanna clock. an ally amongst the flowers. 

chino friends :     odette did indeed spend her early to mid teens on the streets and she must’ve made some friends along the way except for kai ( here’s your one mention of the simp @ salem ) … either some bad influences or some good ones. y’all ever seen the movie thirteen ? exactly like that. give me some blasts from the past to bring out the old odette.

[albatris]

Sorry in advance for the potentially dumb question, but: do you suffer from psychosis/schizophrenia? I’ve seen you reblog a lot of posts about it, of course, but i was curious. Also, if its not too personal, if you do, how much does it impact your writing/the weirdness glitchiness factor?

Not a dumb question at all, you’re all good!

So this is kinda…….. not something I’ve spoken about in a great amount of detail or specifics on this blog? And talking about it directly is actually kinda weird! I wasn’t expecting this to feel weird, but it totally does! So please excuse how long this answer took me hahahahaha

So I mean YEAH psychosis is a thing that I possess, this is a thing that resides inside my brain and occasionally outside of it………. I’m not schizophrenic, I’m more in the schizotypal realm of things, which is like….. I mean, that’s a label that best encompasses my experiences and so far it’s the only label that’s been vaguely and tentatively applied to me that’s ever really made me go “oh hey yeah that would actually explain a whole fucking lot” but like. Bits of it are still kinda wonky. Mental health is wonky, I think, generally speaking…………….

I was gonna talk a bit here about my specific experiences but, like, I really had no idea where to start with those and I don’t actually know how relevant it’d be to this question aside from being vaguely tangential in terms of psychosis………… so uhhhh I’m gonna jump ahead and talk WRITING which is WAY more in my comfort zone apparently

and oh my god this was so many words, I’m so sorry in advance, I have no idea if any of this is actually like………… super interesting? But I enjoyed the opportunity to talk about it so cheers for that! I think!

(and I’m sorry if you were expecting like………… a really short sharp sweet answer, I don’t really deal in shorts or sharps or sweets, I mostly deal in, uh………. rambling)

Rest of this post, under the cut, which I hope actually works on mobile, for the sake of your dashboards - 

So this message was an adventure for me into how the questions “How does it affect your writing?” and “How does it affect the glitchiness/horror factor?” are actually two entirely separate things. I mean, they’re two separate things because I’m assuming by “glitchiness factor” you’re thinking specifically of the stuff in my recent ATDAO posts about body horror and the unreality? In which case………… let me get to that in a moment

And since this post got super long, I’m going to start with my extremely short summed-up answer, and then elaborate on it………

In terms of how it affects my writing? In lots of direct ways!

In terms of how it affects the glitchiness and horror aspects? In some weird roundabout ways! It’s not where the horror stems from, but it’s where the response to the horror stems from and where a lot of my descriptive choices stem from! It’s not the horror, but it’s kind of the lens through which I explore the horror!

AND NOW HERE WE GO………… WORDS AHOY

So in terms of how it affects my writing, generally speaking

boring straightforward answer first:

It’s something that crops up in a super literal sense, just in that I’ve got a fair few characters who are psychotic to some degree or another, and it’s something that plays into how they relate to the world and their specific character voice and how they respond to the situations they find themselves in. 

somewhat irrelevant, it’s, uhhh….. something that I feel interacts with themes in a different sort of way, too. ‘Cause a lot of times there’s, like….. stories about people going on cool magical sci-fi quests, and there’s Stories About Psychotic People, and there’s not an awful lot of overlap between the two unless it’s in the context of “and the whole magical quest was a delusion all along!” which, ew

and for fucking REAL there is so much interesting ground to cover and opportunities for different perspectives and new avenues through which themes can be explored, like, in that overlap of stories. It’s something I wish I saw a lot more of in fiction! Which is another huge driving force in, like, why I write stuff the way I do

and now slightly more interesting:

Worldbuilding! It’s definitely something that plays into worldbuilding and like…. my love of creating stories that are kinda just……. “reality but a little bit to the left” if that makes sense? 

Whether this is something like Undertow, where there’s a degree of magic woven into the fabric of the universe, where things are connected by invisible threads, where I can give opinions to objects and feelings to the weather and the streetlights, where the earth itself has a voice? Or whether it’s something like ATDAO, where reality is coming undone at the seams and the fact that everything is just a little lopsided and haywire is a Mundane Part Of Everyday Life? That’s something I find super cathartic and quite lovely to play around in! I’ve always experienced the world as Just A Little Bit To The Left, and writing was one of the first avenues I found to kinda…. channel and explore and expand on that and put my feelings of strangeness into words?

It’s kinda, like, I like being able to share that kind of vision with others in some sort of way, and not necessarily in a frightening or horrible way, y’know? 

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT TO SAY that anything I write is, like, 100% a direct mirror or my own life and how I see the world lmao. A lot of my writing takes experiences and feelings and little facets of how I experience the world and works them into something that’s often more literal and concrete, or it’ll start out as My Thing and as I’m writing, it sorta blooms into something totally different. But bits of it are in there, sure, although they change shape a lot! And it’s definitely in there with a lot of the general overarching feelings and concepts! Yeah!

One other thing that kinda leads onto my next topic is, uh…… that a lot of how I interpret events and meanings in the world around me can be kind of frightening and threatening, and that’s not reeeaaaally something I want to delve into too much in my writing from a worldbuilding perspective? So generally the parts of ATDAO’s “reality but a little to the left” that start to twist into horror and unreality are things I’ve constructed specifically to serve that purpose, more so than things I’ve pulled directly from my experiences.

AND NOW IN TERMS OF GLITCHY HORROR STUFF HELL YEAH

so again I’m assuming by “glitchiness factor” that’d be all the unreality and all the body horror stuff and weird horror? Which, fuck yeah! Despite my squeamishness when it comes to horror, this is one odd little corner of ATDAO that I’m extremely fond of hahahaha

And, like, initially when I considered this question I was like…. oh, this is not something that really has any of its roots in psychosis or my experiences of mental illness. And that’s…… kiiiiiind of true? My construction of the unreality and its contents is a lot of me just me sitting at my laptop going “Hahahaha that makes me physically nauseous! That’s the worst thing I’ve ever come up with!! I’m adding it in immediately!!”

But yeah, it definitely does factor in, though! Maybe not in as interesting a way as you’d hoped? 

So first off, my experiences are something that sorta plays into my word choice and the specific way I use language in those scenes. And I’m also gonna go ahead and say that dissociation and specifically derealisation are also things I draw from pretty heavily for those kinda……. more glitchy horror-ish parts? So for me, my experiences factor more into HOW I describe the content more so than any of the horrid glitchy gory content itself. 

‘cause it’s kinda, like, a specific kind of fear, I think, it’s a little bit off-beat and weirdly-worded and disjointed and it hits your senses all wrong, it doesn’t make an awful lot of sense but it’s still extremely real. There’s a lot of weird or unsettling bullshit that goes on in the unreality that there’s no convenient Real World Descriptive Equivalent for. Like, cityscapes made entirely of soundwaves, the aforementioned body horror stuff in earlier posts, places that are a complete and total lack of Anything where there’s not even space or colour or texture or light, senses getting all tangled up into each other, something being simultaneously bigger than the sun and smaller than an ant, voices unravelling like twine? LOTS OF WEIRD, BASICALLY

There’s no nice neat right way to describe that, and if there was, it probably wouldn’t pack the punch it needs to, yeah? But I love that kinda shit, I get to pull from a bunch of really weird sensory experiences and feelings I have no real way to articulate and I get to use language in creative ways to evoke the same feelings, the same experiences, the same sense of fear and wrongness? I get to draw from weird shit to describe a bunch of weird shit that makes NO fucking sense whatsoever and that can’t realistically be tied up with words

Point is, they’re experiences I draw from in order to Get Real Fuckin Weird With Words

and getting weird with words in this specific way is CATHARTIC as FUCK dude it’s so good, it’s one of my favourite things. This is, like, the dark edgy version of what I talked about earlier in regards to worldbuilding and me painting a nice odd vision for people to share in hahahaha

“let me take you on a nice gentle stroll through my imagination” vs me supplexing you to the ground and beating the shit out of you with a bat 

And one other thing is just……. I’m sorry, I’m super tired, this bit is probably gonna be jumbled and wordy and maybe not super relevant but uhhhhhhh

So the unreality is not something I initially drew from any particular place in my psyche, but it IS something I’ve come to construct in a specific way, and a lot of it is something I build with the questions of like…… “How does a psychotic character respond to this input?” and “What does this scenery draw out in my character and how does it challenge them?” in mind, so I guess………… in that sense, there’s definitely still a fairly big impact? But kind of in a sideways way. The unreality is not so much based on psychosis, but it’s something I use to highlight specific elements of it, I guess, but mostly in terms of the skills it draws out

‘cause like. in ATDAO the only characters who kinda get to butt heads with the unreality aside from that one random dead car driver who may or may not be vaguely half alive in a state of horrific limbo are Jacob and Tris, and like

I don’t ever really frame Tris’s psychosis as some horrible terrible thing he’s burdened with that makes life a terrible living hell 24/7 but it is, like………. something he struggles a lot with over the course of the story, both in general terms and in terms of people not taking him seriously about the Extremely Real Fantastical Nonsense that’s going on and in general being hesitant to trust his perceptions of reality. And ALSO I guess in terms of just…….. the way he relates to the fact that he’s been dragged into some Extremely Real Fantastical Nonsense? And him wrestling with how he’s supposed to believe in something like that when no one else can see the evidence and everyone is telling him he’s just crazy, and how “ridiculous interdimensional dumbass sci-fi quest” is something that’s reserved for other people, because he’s already been there like four times already and it has extremely different implications for him

In terms of mental illness, all my protags have patches of the story where they make it through kinda “in spite” of their struggles with mental illness (though that’s a sentence I fuckin hate) and other patches where mental illness is just a thing they deal with alongside whatever plots they have going on…… but their experiences with mental illness are also something that gives them specific skills and perspectives and ways of understanding the world that are invaluable, and some of the most important parts of the story are the parts where they make it through specifically BECAUSE of those skills and perspectives

Which is kind of the Whole Thing With The Unreality, that’s its whole deal

The unreality is a fucking huge turning point for Tris as a character, because it’s specifically because of his experiences with psychosis that he’s able to navigate it so effectively, it’s because of the specific skills he’s developed and the practice he’s had in similar circumstances

not, like, the SAME circumstances, but things from other contexts that kind of, transfer, circumstances where the same skills are applicable

‘cause like, turns out, he’s really good at navigating confusing frightening hellscapes where nothing makes sense and mis-stepping can get you killed, because he’s had a whole lot of practice just like. existing as a person with psychosis in a weird apocalypse world where reality is collapsing in unpredictable ways. He spends a lot of his life trying to make sense of reality and figure out the rules and developing countless systems for navigating the world safely, which he often needs to adjust at a moment’s notice, or completely scrap and reconstruct. He’s had a lot of experience of just sorta waking up and whatever bullshit is going on he’s just gotta be like “ok cool so this is what we’re doing today, I have to deal with this, so how can I deal with this”. He’s used to grounding himself and problem-solving even under intense pressure and when he’s terrified and regardless of whatever objectively horrifying nonsense is happening around him. He’s used to sorting the horrifying things that are not dangerous from the horrifying things that are extremely dangerous.  

He’s basically the one character who can get tossed into the unreality and actually work with it and figure out the rules even though everything is screaming and glitched out and trying to kill him, he’s spent most of his life developing the perfect skill set for it

(and like, this is the first point in the story where he sorta realises that his specific way of viewing the world is going to be a strength rather than a weakness, but like. despite the fact that Tris is basically a walking panic attack he’s actually always been the one of the team who’s been the most adept at navigating daily life with the apocalypse, it’s just not something he’s ever really picked up on)

and uh

that’s kind of a vaguely irrelevant note to end on, actually

HEY THAT WAS SO MANY WORDS I’M SO FUCKING SORRY

I DON’T EVEN HAVE A NEAT WRAP UP TO THIS POST

MY WRAP UP WAS THAT SUMMARY AT THE START

IF YOU READ THIS FAR I HOPE IT WAS AT LEAST SOMEWHAT INTERESTING

[onceuponatimewithhaleigh]

Time to catch up!

I'm so sorry I kinda vanished! Well, I didn't kind of vanish. I straight poofed. So I'm going to catch you guys up on what's happened since the start of August. Quite a lot has gone on, and I needed to kinda - I don't really know? Mentally I was just gone. Like August happened? I don't remember it. But anyhow here we go!

My Skin Spot:

Not cancer! My doctor so politely told me "Sometimes spots just pop up as we... get older." So. Guess I'm just gonna have some serious blemishes the older I get. Haha! I mean, not going to lie, I'm salty about it. But I'd rather be 'getting old' than have cancer. So that's all good!

Meeting with Dr. Lak:

Doctor Lak is my future surgeon for my gastric bypass. She's really really nice. Super friendly and super supportive. She got me all setup - so I have a slue of appointments made. Due to my insurance, I have to see a dietitian for six months consecutively before I can have the surgery. I also have to pass a nicotine test. So - I have to quit smoking ASAP. Which, I need to anyhow. (more on my smoking at the end lol) but overall she was absolutely fantastic!

College(Part One):

Before classes started I talked to my amazing Academic Advisor, Kathrine - and I told her some of my interests and my plans for after college. And we both kinda poked around at my minoring in Photography. To me, that wasn't really enough, so I am now a double major!

OBGYN:

I haven't said anything here, but I have plans in becoming a mother as soon as my health permits. Now I am not in a relationship, nor do I plan to be. I want to be a single mother. Some people think I'm absolutely bat-shit crazy for that. But I think, for me that is the best thing. I have an extremely supportive family, and I have zero doubt in my mind that my child will be loved as much and so much more than they'd ever possibly need! The issue here was A. my weight. B. my family has a history of fertility issues. C. I have PCOS. D. I don't have a partner haha, Kinda need two to tango ;) That all being said, I had mentioned this to my OBGYN, who retired randomly on me in March(with no notice - canceled pre-existing appointments, and with no doctors accepting new patients). I had been telling him about bad pains I'd been having for a while, and he never really listened to me or made any move to investigate. I did my own research, as well as spoke to people about it - and thought I may have Endometriosis. I brought my thoughts to him. He shrugged and said "That's probably it." and made Z E R O effort to figure it out. After three months of pain being horrible to the point sometimes when I was driving, I'd have a flare-up and I'd have to pull over because the pain was so bad I couldn't breathe or see. Then he retired. Then there were no doctors accepting anyone new. So. FINALLY - August 10th I get into a new OBGYN, Dr. Curtis. The first impression was "dudes young and super hip this is gonna be weird..." I'm weird when it comes to doctors, but doctors messing around down there I'm even weirder LOL. I feel like if my OB was a woman there's some weird competition 'Mines prettier...' I have no idea don't judge me xD I told him my wants and things and he told me sadly some older doctors just don't care. they're very black and white. And he was spot on. He told me I probably don't have endometriosis. Put me back on birth control, told me to have the gastric surgery, and then he'd get me in for an exam, and he'd get me to a fertility clinic. He supported me 100% in wanting to become a single mother. He did say that I was the youngest he'd ever seen himself, but he had no issues moving forward with me doing that. Told me a year after surgery, he'd get me to a clinic and we'd get me a baby xD

Dietitian:

My dietitian's name is Andrea, and guys, I love her. She is so goofy as scatterbrained it makes me giggle! I learned a lot during that call though! (all my appointments with gastric have been on the computer/phone) So, this hospital does post-surgery stuff differently than any others in the area, and they've found it's got the best results. So after surgery, I'd usually be on a liquid diet for 6 weeks. Which is standard. Nope! Not here! After surgery, I'll be on a pure protein diet. Not shakes- PUREAED MEAT. How gross right? Meat slushie anyone? Gag lol She goes "Everyone seems to love the pureed eggs" and I literally gagged in the call xD This is gonna be the death of me. Another thing that had me completely shook was that with a stomach the size of an EGG after surgery, I still have to drink 64oz of water a day. She said I can only drink 2oz at a time. So I basically have to take a shot of water every 10 minutes ALL DAY LONG. But! I can't drink anything at all for 30 minutes BEFORE I eat, I can't drink WHILE EATING(which I have to eat 3/4 a cup over 45 minutes-_-), and I can't drink shit for 30 minutes AFTER I eat. So. This shit's gonna be wild man. I'm excited but anxious as hell. And for the rest of my life, I'll be taking vitamin supplements.

Weight:

Currently, my weight is 417lbs

College(Part Two):

So. Friday(Aug. 28th) before the term starts, I have a massive breakdown. That Monday the first week the course was available to look at. We could submit anything, but we could go in and do the work and submit it later. Well. I got in there in my Introduction to Liberal Arts(IDS-100), and boooyyy did I overreact. :) I freaked out. I got overwhelmed because my IDS-100 professor is a very longwinded man. The email I had gotten made everything seem way way more complicated than necessary. And I basically went into spiral mode. 

'is a college education reallllyyyy that important?'

'What's the point?'

'I'm gonna fail anyhow, so why try?'

'My family will think I'm a failure...'

'I shouldn't even try, so I don't fail.'

A whole slue of shit thoughts went through my head, and I took it, man. That little demon in my brain just bitching "Never good enough. Not smart enough! Failure." And I sat there and took it like a little bitch. I got so bad I called my advisor, Good ole Kathrine, and LUCKY FOR ME; she was busy and didn't answer. I had the ability to talk to another advisor, but I didn't wanna sob into a stranger's ear so LOL. I called my dad when I was balls deep into a panic attack, and he came down and talked me out of it, and then told me he'd sit with me when I do classwork so he can help if I need it. Which, It's not really that I need help, I was worried about my comprehension of the information I read in class. Because I'm a very visual learner and one of those that talks shit out. And being online, I'm alone in my room so uh lol But yeah. He talked me down, got me all calmed down. Then the next day, my advisor called and asked why I'd called and she apologized for not being available and I laughed and told her straight "It's better you were busy, Cause I'd have dropped out." and she was shocked. Told her all of what happened and what was going on in my head and she told me she was gonna set up weekly appointments with me after each module opens. a new module opens every Monday. and she said she was gonna call me every Tuesday. I went on a spiel about how I feel ridiculous cause I'm being a burden. And she squashed that thought hella fast. So long story short. I am so blessed to have a support system between my dad and my wonderful advisor Kathrine. Lol

Boooo:

I gained a new allergy and lost an old one. I have no idea how that worked. But. No longer allergic to Soy. But now have a TERRIBLE reaction to all dairy products... Which fuckin blows because I live in Wisconsin, and I L O V E cheese. -_- Cheese hates me. :(BYE GUYS!

Whoops!

Forgot about the smoking bit, this is an Edit lmao Basically - TOTALLY thought I could drop smoking cold turkey cause that's how I'd done it every time I'd quit smoking before. Welp. Not this time :) I was a raging bitch, and a HORRIBLE migraine that was so bad I couldn't do ANYTHING. And to top it all off, I had a panic attack lol So. It's the time of year I usually start to quit anyhow. I'm so weird. I'm a seasonal smoker. Living in Wisconsin I am NOT keen on smoking in below zero temperatures in winter. I'd like to keep my fingers. This year I started smoking earlier than usual because I was out of state where freezing winter temperatures were a minimum of like, 37*F and I'm like *cackles in Wisconsinite* CHILDS PLAY!!! So, I started smoking again in December lol Anyway, now- my dad's in control of my smokes. He gives me my daily allowance in a ziplock bag which made me laugh so fucking hard because just like I actually said to him "I feel like you're my dealer and I'm sneaking something naughty!" lol Right now I'm aloud 10 a day. Which is probably 3-5 less than I usually smoke a day. So. I'm kinda feeling it. But my dads controlling them. So this should be fun. :) That's all! Bye guys!

[orderuponthe99prettygrimmdiaries]

Break the cycle.

It’s been such a long while since I’ve been doing my writing, and I think that was a huge ass mistake. Been going down the spiral again, or have been for months. Friends have been feeling stressed for me too, and I absolutely fucking hate that I’ve been bringing them distress because I’m such a mess of figuring out my feelings and overthinking every single detail and scenario, etc. 

I’ve been thinking for a bit about what made me the way I am... Sometimes it feels like it was how I grew up. I mean, I love my parents, but there’s definitely some toxicity. I always suppressed myself - emotions, even being sick, because somehow the blame goes back to me. And growing up always being compared to that one cousin who does everything better, the critiques about every single little thing. The non-communication. Just arguments and quarrels, and then brush everything under the rug, pretend all is well. 

Which is why it scares me at how things are going with me and the guy I’m interested in... We don’t communicate much/well either. We don’t really have too much in common, we don’t really talk about much. Sure, the small talk is kinda sweet at times, the morning texts, someone checking if you’d eaten. Am I expecting too much too fast? Maybe because I feel like I don’t know him well enough that I can’t say that I truly like him. Maybe my confusion for my feelings confused him. My stress stressed him out. 

There’s also the disappearing mid convos, the selective replying, not initiating, not really keeping up convos... But for some reason I also can’t just let it go. I see it, but I brush it off. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe he was interested but thought I wasn’t interested. Maybe I messed up, maybe a bit too much that it can’t be fixed. 

Or am I just defending him again? Am I being blind-sided because of my feelings, because I’m holding on to the sense of comfort that he gave me when we spoke? Is it because I’m also clinging to the past, the fact that I didn’t try enough back when with the college guy, that he made me so anxious, that this time with this guy I felt comfort with, that I managed to try with, that is still somewhat sorta around? But I also shouldn’t let the past determine my present. 

This whole thing has been going on in a cycle for months. Us talking, things going good, he disappears for a bit, I worry and overthink. Sometimes I try again, sometimes I wait for him to return, and then tell myself to just keep it friendly, but then something happens and I fall again right back into this cycle. 

I thought I picked myself up enough and learnt to love myself. I really did. I was more open and chill, I didn’t really overthink, I had this period of peace and calm. But somehow my insecurities kick in and I seem to lose myself when I find myself catching feelings. I get afraid of how much I show my love that I pull back, and then I start to worry that they’re gonna leave. 

Maybe it’s also the fact that I’m almost 24 and haven’t been in a single relationship. I know, some people would say that’s alright. You don’t need a relationship and all that. But since a long time, I had always known I wanted to get married and have my own family. I wanted to be loved this way. 

Or am I holding on too hard/much? Maybe it’s time to just let it go.

It takes greater strength to truly let go. To resist not sending that one extra text. To stop talking about him, to stop thinking about him. I mean, if he cared, he would try too. He would check in. He would be there. But also, the odd thing is that he does check in at times. Does he still want to keep me as a friend but nothing more? Also, why am I clinging to the bare minimum? Maybe he was interested before but moved on. Things change, people change. It does seem like he’s not really interested in really talking or meeting anymore and is just trying to let me down easy. Maybe it’s just time to come to terms that: He’s Just Not That Into You (yep back to this movie again, and a heartbreak playlist too).

But then again, it’s unfair of me to make the decision for him if he’s never even given the option. I can’t be the one who decides that I’m too much for him or too much of a mess, I can’t be the one who decides whether this is too much of an effort, or something we could work with together. 

Should I tell him? If i do, it might be awkward and weird, good news is at least I don’t really see him around at work anymore. Things probably won’t be the way it was. It might also turn out good. Or I could lose him as a friend forever. 

Also trying to balance wanting to keep him as a friend while moving on. I can’t exactly avoid or ignore him if I hope to stay friends, and it’s not on him since I haven’t told him what I’m feeling. 

Or we could just leave it up to fate? If it works out, it works out. If it’s meant to be, well... But this was something I also considered back then, instead of just leaving it to fate, what if I fought harder? 

See, this is how much I’ve been overthinking every scenario and possibility. I’m truly thankful for my friends for their support and advice, especially when I’ve caused them distress too. Which I’m truly sorry for too. Not just to them, but to my parents, family, colleagues and more. 

I haven’t been myself lately. I’ve noticed that I went from my sunshine personality to stormy again... Being more tired exhausted, the loss of appetite, the mood swings, the sadness, the anger. But then looking at the pics that I’ve taken with friends, that smile. How do I wear my mask so well? 

I had really neglected myself this time while I was busy chasing him, along with the whole stress of work and its changes. Learning to go back and noticing my thoughts, separating myself from them, learning to cope with my overthinking and expectations. Going back to breathing exercises to calm my anxiety. 

And a close friend just told me that I’ve completely changed. Yes, I’m being more open nowadays, but then I’ve been a mess with all these guys and relationship stuff. I’ve been letting myself be more open and befriending guys, but not with the intention of dating, maybe I should be clearer about that? But i mean.. guys and girls can be friends, can’t we? 

But okay, prior to this moment, which I totally agree with her that I’m losing my shit, I was feeling better. I feel like I’ve finally let go some of my expectations (again), and I’m starting to see a glimpse of the old me again. It’s not as painful or upsetting anymore that he isn’t around, I’m just thankful that we’re talking. I’m focusing on other stuff, I’m not dwelling, and I’m able to say or initiate without worrying too much. Maybe that’s just what it has to be. 

I was even able to ask my friend/colleague to eat and chill, super impromptu too (learning from these boys now). It was nice and I really wanted his advice about this whole thing, but I didn’t really know how to. He did ask about him, since they got to see each other kinda briefly, but I guess I didn’t know how to bring it up. And he also had to leave to continue work. Maybe tomorrow. 

And also finally getting to talk to my counsellor again after all these months, maybe even a year or so. It was nice to finally tell her about it, especially the guy stuff, since she knew how things went with the college guy back then. I never tried, I never told him. At least this time I’m trying, still unsure about the telling. But anyway, she said she’s proud of me, and that really meant a lot. 

Also took the step back to 7 Cups, and I found this article about how when we get afraid of hurting others, we in turn cause ourselves anxiety: 

Everywhere you go, you walk on eggshells. You censor each thought, editing your words carefully. You overthink your every move, questioning yourself over and over again. Somehow, your interactions with others never go smoothly, and your conversations always seem to take more effort than they should. That’s what it’s like to live in fear of hurting others. It’s hard to be yourself when you’re constantly worried about how other people will perceive what you have to say and do. When your fear of hurting someone else’s feelings is stronger than your desire to bring who you are and what you think to the surface, life becomes a whole lot tougher.

It’s understandable and commendable to care for others to be mindful of how you treat the people you care about. But it becomes an issue when your sensitivity to what others want makes you suppress what you are truly looking for. Do you find it intolerable to hurt someone you love, even if it’s unintentional? Do you experience shame, guilt, or concerns about being a bad person, and as a result, you avoid saying what’s on your mind and push away your feelings? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you’re probably suppressing yourself. This can be bad for your relationships and can create chronic anxiety in your life.

I’ve also went back to look at some of my old posts, hopefully to get the courage, the reminder that next time I found myself catching feelings, I would tell them. Did come across this nugget from my counsellor: there’s only 3 ways - move on, let it be, or do something. With the college guy, I let it be, I moved on, I had faith that if we were meant to be, we’d find our way back. But speaking with her today, she seems to think it’s not necessary to tell this guy since I’m unsure about it, but if I did want a clear answer, I should. 

Now to take a long shower and decide what’s the best move. Or just to clear my mind. Would go for another walk but went for 2 already today, which I should really make a daily thing, despite being exhausted from work. It’s therapeutic, just as writing this was. It’s time to push myself to do things again, of course not overly that it strains my mental health, but it’s time to break the cycle. 

Thanks for anyone who actually bothered to read any part or the whole of the long ass ramble. Hope everyone is doing alright amongst the whole covid pandemic. 

X

[angst-in-space]

📝 october ‘19 writing progress

total words written: 7,709

most words written in a day: 1,247

least words written in a day: 36

current yearly total: 144,050

projects worked on:

- did final edits and FINALLY posted the fantasy au!! - mainly tried to focus on chapter 15 of altea rising - worked a tiny bit on the roman holiday au - also worked a little on my galolio fic

🍁november goals🍁

- write every day - nanowrimo?? kind of?  - finish ch 15 of altea rising - finish the galolio fic - work a bit more on the roman holiday au - if i happen to be Extremely Productive....start the next chapter of red skies

notes:

*buries my head in my hands* i didn’t do super great this month in terms of word count. like....really i think that’s the worst monthly total i’ve had in like two years so...oops. in my defense this past month was really rough for me––what with my job being extremely busy/stressful, me trying to get another job and going through several interviews, only to NOT get that job and proceed to have a terrible mental breakdown and still be stuck at my current job which makes me miserable but aNYWAY. (: 

on the bright side, the most exciting thing that happened to me this month was that i finally finally finished and posted my klance fantasy au, “’til we meet the dawn”! this fic took me a super duper long time so it felt really good to post it at last, and so far i’ve been super blown away by all the support it’s gotten... so thanks y’all. you really don’t know how much that means to me. :’’) 

since then i’ve mostly been trying to put my focus into finishing chapter 15 of altea rising. i’ve kinda been struggling with it and i think i’m putting a lot of pressure on myself because it’s the last chapter, BUT the past couple days the words have been flowing a bit better and i’m getting there!! again i’m so so sorry for the wait lol, by the time i update it will have been like literally a year (YIKES...HOW THE FUCK) but uh it’s gonna happen don’t worry. ALSO a few friends and i have been discussing doing....a lil project that’s altea rising related.... i don’t wanna make any promises and don’t know the details yet but yknow just keep your eyes peeled for updates! 

besides that i’m really hoping to finish the galolio fic i’ve been working on this month, and maybe getting a bit more work done on the klance roman holiday au as well. and mayyybeee starting the next chapter of red skies if i have time...i feel terrible that i haven’t updated it in so long and i really really want to write the next chapter. but!! we’ll see. 

so yeah just gonna keep pushing forward! i’m (sort of) doing nanowrimo by which i mean i’m kinda just using it as motivation to work on a bunch of wips but i doubt i’ll actually get to 50k lol. but hey hopefully this month will at least be a bit more productive than last month *fingers crossed*

[morethanithoughtofficialblog]

Chapter 7: As useless as a broken mirror

In which you realize your life is crap... 

for now

*Your POV*

Talking with someone yesterday was good, I guess. I normally talk about work topics only, so it feels weird to have a casual conversation about... anything. And it was weirder, considering Sans was the one talking.

It would be today, though, the day where we would see each other again in order to discuss... more terms. They all deserve to know and I also need a few papers for them in order to get them into society. I just need the basics, though- report cards, previous jobs on the Underground, and I will put them some tests in order to see which educational level fits better each of them. But that will be later.

So there I was, waking up and trying to french kiss the morning as Bon Jovi does. And failing miserably, just as always.

I tried my best to keep a smile on my face. It didn't work out, either. I groaned loudly, realizing that it was four in the morning. So yeah, I just can't french kiss the morning when it isn't morning, you know. And so I felt stupid and went back to sleep...

...

Except I didn't.

No matter how many positions I tried or how many different pillows I took, I just couldn't get my head together. I was thinking about everything and, at the same time, about nothing at all. I felt numb yet desperate to be a normal person and fall sleep immediately, considering how freaking tired I actually was.

I sat on my bed silently and put on the lights. Bad idea, but I still do it every night like this.

I frowned remarkably and stood there until my eyes got accustomed to the light. And then I started to question what the hell was I doing, as usual.

I looked at my annoying digital clock again: 4:11 am.

Great, guess I'll stay like this until the day officially starts... or until I pass out, that is.

Maybe a good drink would have been great to forget it all. Then I remembered that I had work and that, besides, I don't drink. I groaned again.

I felt like crying, like screaming or like to go outside and let a fucking weirdo kill me or make me disappear forever...

That's the worst idea I've ever had.

I wanted to punch something; maybe a mirror, maybe that elegant flower vase with a dead daisy on it, or the TV. All of those were great options, honestly. But I wasn't up to clean the mess or to deal with angry neighbors, so I didn't move.

I shoot a glance at one of my bureaus, that only had an old book on its top. Maybe I could read. I tried to stretch my hand and get it, but I ended up falling out of the bed, making my head hurt like hell. Ouch. Maybe I couldn't, after all.

I, unsurprisingly, groaned again. If I had a cent for every time I have groaned in my life, I could probably have a car instead of taking that goddamn subway. Or I could get a house. Or a life...

Nah. That's way too expensive.

I eventually got up and stared at my drawer. Then, without thinking, I opened it. My heart sank when it did.

Medicines here, medicines there. Medicines FUCKING EVERYWHERE! There was barely any space left for even a fricking pill. This is not the first time I have seen this, though, but it still hurts to see how pathetic I am. This is just a small proof. There's more, that's for sure.

I stood there silently, anxiety consuming me over. I could even make a fucking drug store out of this drawer...

Actually, that doesn't sound like a bad idea.

I shook my head, resisting the urge to be sarcastic to myself... again.

But, yes, I had such a huge variety I could make a store out of it. Do you have anxiety? Well, Zoloft for you, that is! Are you depressed like me? Well here, took a Prozac pill! Come here and get your problems away...

And contribute to mine.

Oh my god, just end my suffering.

Thanks to my wonderful boss and work partners (including college and the monsters' case, of course), I forgot that I had emotional problems as well. And that means that I haven't been following my treatment. For months.

Shit.

Then I started to wonder when I had to see my psychiatrist again. I probably missed the date he gave me. Just wonderful, right?

I sighed and closed the drawer, feeling worse than before. I went to the bathroom to see my wound but there wasn't anything there. Thank God.

I ended up looking at my face, slightly frowning. People have said that I'm pretty, yes, but I think that's just out of sympathy. Therefore, I haven't been comfortable with my looks since... a long time ago.

My (e/c) eyes looked paler than when I was a kiddo. Ah, childhood. It was wonderful in its own way. No problems, no low self-esteem, no nothing. Just laughs and friends, videogames and nights playing Dungeons and Dragons with my dorky dad and my aunt. Those were good days.

I remember that I received a lot of comments, telling me that I would have a brilliant future. Hard to believe in that now, looking at what was happening.

I work in Congress and I am finishing my studies to finally become a biochemist. Being a scientist has been my dream, and I'm just a few steps before I can call myself "Dr. (Y/N)". And I'm just twenty.

When I was little, my dad took me to a neurologist in order to see my IQ. She said, in a few words, that I was super smart and super talented. I believed it but never used it as an excuse to think of me better than anyone else. Right then, I thought everyone had talents and intelligence. Now... I'm seriously doubting all those encouraging words were true. Because, even if I was a nerd, that never meant my future would be brighter.

A lot of my school partners and friends are being way happier than I am, having a perfect balance between emotions, college, and work. Me, who 'has it all' to become an important person, somehow has three mental breakdowns (at least) in one day, and it's struggling between having or not new friends, afraid of screwing up.

Is this what my parents would have wanted? For me to be a coward?

Well, surprise surprise. Your daughter is such a disappointment of a kid.

I'm a genius. That's what experts told me. They also said that this high IQ thingy may include problems socializing and, well, even mental illnesses. To be honest, I prefer being normal and not having these things than being a Leonardo Da Vinci and die internally every five seconds.

Then I noticed a warm feeling on my cheeks.

Oh crap.

I snapped back to reality and saw myself in front of the mirror, crying as if my life depended on it. Well, it kinda does, but that's not the point.

I tried to wipe them as quickly as possible, trying to banish that feeling instantly. But instead, I cried harder. And harder. And I felt more miserable than before, if that was possible.

My legs felt like jello and my eyes turned all red and puffy. My mouth was shaking, trying to transform itself into a smile. Why was I crying, again? Oh yeah, because I hate myself so much. I look awful, I'm just full of myself, lonely, and easily replaceable. There's nothing I can do about it.

I will finish my dream career, but all for what? To be more stressed? I don't know if I can quit at the Congress since I kind of accepted to be the ambassador of the monsters. Wow. I should have left someone more capable than I am to do the job. Now I'm going to disappoint them as well, whenever they see how weak I am. I mean, I'm crying while I'm looking at myself in the night... again. This is isn't new. But it just feels worst every time.

I gasped for air, almost forgetting how to breathe thanks to all that crying. I blinked a couple of times and took long breaths until I calmed down. When my vision wasn't blurry anymore, I saw my face again. All red and uglier than before. I looked like a baby losing its toy, like a child whining, or like a teenager who has an impossible crush.

I frowned, knowing I wasn't any of them. I was an adult, for God's sake.

Can this get more frustrating?

Can I be more pathetic?

I closed my fist and punched the mirror until my fingers went numb and my blood painted my whole hand...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Frisk's POV*

I woke up later than usual, rubbing my eyes at the incoming sunlight. I groaned at the clock, seeing it was 10 am. But deep down I knew that Toriel would come for me, and so I got up.

I took a quick shower and put into more presentable clothes. I colocated a cute ribbon on my brown hair, feeling quite silly yet pretty. I stared at the mirror and saw my look with satisfaction. I was looking great! I even made some silly faces and giggled a little before coming out, interrupted by an angry skeleton who wanted to take a shower.

"kid, just fucking get out of there! what're you doin'? takin' a trip to narnia?"

"Sans, behave yourself!!!"

"...sorry ari-mom..."

I contained my laughter, knowing that Sans would be really angry if he heard me, and I walked out of the bathroom. Just a second passed before a quick flash of white ran into the room and locked the door. Oh, Sans, since when are you this desperate to take a shower?

The ones who hadn't showered groaned impatiently. I would have too since Sans lasts a long time in the shower. One time I swear I heard him singing a popular rock song (so popular I don't remember its name) and then eventually creating a song of how much he loved ketchup...

...I must admit I feel worried about his future...

Eh... let's just hope for the best.

After a bunch of complainings towards him and more people showering, we could finally take breakfast together. Thank God they were pancakes, or else Undyne or Papyrus would be trying to find out the best egg combination (which, according to them, hasn't been found yet). At first, it is fun to hear their crazy ideas, but then it turns into a competition that I get somehow dragged into it. Most of the time voluntarily, though.

However, I was too excited to let all my energy be drowned into an egg fight. Today we will be seeing (Y/N) again, and honestly, I was looking for it! She's nice, and I've been waiting to be friends with her all this time. So now that everything was, well, settled, this was my chance!

We all ate rather quickly and head out of the house. However, Asgore stopped us before we could go running to... anywhere, actually.

"Let's wait here a moment, ok?" he smiled eagerly, making me suspicious.

So we waited there for five minutes or so until a simple-looking taxi made its way towards the house. Then a 5'5 feet tall woman got out of there, who I recognized immediately.

"(Y/N)!!!!!" Papyrus screamed unearthly loud, hugging (Y/N) immediately. She looked a little bit startled by such a sudden move but hugged back shortly after him.

"Hello, Papyrus. It is good to see you again...!" she tried her best to sound enthusiastic, but she felt somehow... different. Why, though?

"Oh, (Y/N) sweetie, I'm so glad you could make it!" Goat mom added with a smile, which (Y/N) returned it kindly. Maybe I was just imagining things, after all "But, hey, come in! We want you to see where we have been living all this time!"

Sans looked a bit tense but quickly relaxed. He must have forgotten for a second that Papyrus was his roommate. Therefore, there was NO WAY his room could be dirty. Since when he cares about that, though?

And so we gave (Y/N) a small tour through the small house. She behaved as always; shy, anxious, not wanting to intrude or sound rude, making small compliments and comments in amusement. She was just super nice! I think she's one of my favorite humans.

After making her laugh a bit and answer some of her own doubts about the Underground, we all headed off to the Congress, talking about the simplest of topics.

"Oh! I remember hearing a song called 'Imagine' one day!" I told (Y/N), keeping up with the musical topic (at Sans's petition).

"You have? Well, I mean... which artist are you talking about?"

"I think it was Marshmello"

"...then no, I haven't heard that one"

"Is there another song called 'Imagine'?" Alphys asked, curious about our conversation.

"well, there's john lennon's, y' know..." Sans added, smiling lazily.

(Y/N) seemed perplexed for a second, then smiled widely.

"Yep, John Lennon's 'Imagine' is my kind of... 'Imagine', you know"

Throughout all the way we all were talking about music. (Y/N) turns out to be a Rock N' Roll and Indie listener, similar to Sans's taste. She is kind of a music nerd, actually. She would give a casual comment of something history-related to music. I think Sans felt like he was on his own mind, opening up strangely. Then I realized he was just another music nerd, and that both of them were never given the chance to talk about this with others so freely.

However, I noticed an unusual expression on Sans's face. Not a good one, I must say. He wasn't suspicious or anything- by any chance, I think he was worried...

but of what?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Sans's POV*

It feels good to have someone to talk about these things. I mean, someone that at least can say who Slash is.

While I was talking to (Y/N), however, I noticed a wound on her right fist. Not to be rude, but she is a bit taller than I am, and I didn't want to look at a... private part of her body. Therefore, I ended up noticing a serious-looking injury on her fingers.

Should I ask?

I saw how happy she looked, talking about when she started to hear Rock N' Roll and watch concerts on TV.

Eh, I'll do it later...

Still, my mind wandered about that topic the rest of the road. And so, I didn't talk anymore, focusing on other things. Well, can you blame me? That looked like some serious shit happened.

When we arrived at the Congress, I noticed different looks from her work partners. I recognized one of the feelings on their looks: shame. They probably felt ashamed after hearing that we succeed. My smile grew wider, at least a bit, after thinking that.

We discussed a few things in her office like it was any day. Except it wasn't.

The human president made a public announcement on TV, radio, and social media, saying that monsters would be finally released and be accepted as legal citizens. Despite everything, I felt a bit uneasy. He might have been nice, but the others are clearly not like him. I just don't want to put Papy's security on risk.

We ended up leaving sooner than I thought, and for the first time in our lives, we used public transport. We received some glances, but in between, there were also kind smiles. Just like (Y/N)'s, just less dorky...

Did I just call the ambassador a dork?

I mentally groaned and took a seat, never erasing my apparently permanent smile. I felt like I was forgetting something, so I made a quick rewind on my head. But what would I have forgo- oh.

Oh.

You forgot to ask her, you idiot.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 174: Fancy Rich People Tea

Previously on BnHA: Mirio and Deku took Eri on a whirlwind weekend tour of U.A. We learned that class B is putting on a play for the festival which sounds amazing and also appears to be infringing on no fewer than three copyrights. We ran into Hadou and Amajiki who were doing some preparations for Hadou’s Miss Con campaign. We learned that the support department has a tech exhibition at the festival each year which is a big deal for them. We also learned that Shinsou is Still At It. Not sure what it is. But he’s still here guys! Finally we ran into Midnight and the Rat Principal at the cafeteria and learned that Rat Principal had to pull lots of strings and jump through a bunch of hoops in order to run the event this year. Basically security is going to be crazy, and if someone so much as sneezes something that sounds like ‘villain attack’ they will immediately call the whole thing off and evacuate. Sounds fair. All in all, Eri had a good time and is looking forward to the actual event! Also Deku got fired from the dance squad. That’s rough, buddy.

Today on BnHA: Mina explains that they need Deku to help the staging team turn Aoyama into a human disco ball. Deku agrees so long as he still gets to dance a little bit. The next morning Deku and All Might run into Mei while training in the woods. We learn that she’s working on a new support item for Deku which will be ready soon. That evening Momo makes some fancy tea for everyone while Deku fucks around on Youtube and accidentally stumbles across one of Gentle’s videos. We then cut to Gentle and La Brava, and Gent breaks down the details of his plan. They’ll take a sneaky route to approach U.A. on the day of the festival, using back streets and side roads. Then they’ll stop and drink tea (the same fancy brand that Momo uses) for an hour and a half. Then they’ll approach U.A. from the woods, and La Brava will breach U.A.’s security barrier with her mad hacking skills. We learn that she used those same skills to track down Gentle after she first saw his videos, and afterwards she devoted herself to his cause. Gentle says he is putting his heart and soul into this new plan for her sake and for the sake of his own dreams.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 199 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.) 

look at this sweet girl trying to soften the blow

yeah because Aoyama totally ditched them. sorry Deku, they need a new disco ball

...or maybe not!

sorry Deku we need a new dispersal method for our disco ball

so wait. they’re really going through with this, huh. this wild stream-of-consciousness rambling from Mina really became the centerpiece for the entire dance floor

and Aoyama is FULLY ON BOARD now

so now this job is perfect for you huh. well you sure are a good sport

so they want Deku to break off from the main group at the same time as Aoyama and help him out

so once he has been “dispersed” you can probably still go have your dance with Eri, Deku! you can do that thing where she stands on top of your feet and you waltz around. it’s going to be so cute omg. make sure your mom videotapes it

speaking of are the parents going to get to come to this thing too? or will it really only be the kids. let their moms and dads come see all of their hard work!

(ETA: I was hoping we would see some of the parents but if they were there we missed it. booooo)

now Kiri is doing that hands-clapped-together pleading thing and apologizing to Deku, but he says they really need his help

lol so they’ve realized that they can’t put all their eggs into the “Aoyama as disco ball” basket

this is an honest-to-god serious conversation these kids are happening. with note-taking and everything. Todoroki fucking Shouto is in on this. “how long can we hold people’s attention by transforming Aoyama into a disco ball.” science

okay but. you guys... are planning other stuff too. right. ...???

(ETA: they sure are. that ice stuff that Mina also suggested. I’m telling you guys, she’s the undisputed MVP of this whole arc, and without her their festival program would have been shit)

lol well okay then. this is going to be so interesting

anyway so Deku’s all “I guess it’s okay then as long as I have a turn dancing,” and he’s agreeing to it

now we’re cutting to 6:30 a.m. on some random unknown day and Deku is training for his new move under All Might’s supervision

All Might is chock full of sage mentor wisdom

“always remember: bleeding internally is bad.” good stuff. write that down, Deku

he’s asking All Might if he has any tricks for maintaining control of the attack, since this is the first move he’s learned that he can’t just use freely

sage mentor wisdom

so apparently All Might was some sort of OFA prodigy and was able to control 100% OFA almost instantly. so he really genuinely has no idea how to teach it, because to him it just came naturally

was he just that buff when he got the quirk?? how old was he when he got it? did he actually attend U.A. as a quirkless kid? because middle school Toshinori sure as hell wasn’t ripped just yet, I can definitely tell you that much

I’m very, very, very curious about this, ngl. because I feel like the series has yet to clarify whether you need to be built like a Marvel Chris in order for your body to have the stamina to withstand OFA, or if that actually doesn’t have that much to do with it and the control needed to master it is actually more mental/spiritual than physical

like obviously physicality has a lot to do with it, though. but All Might could still use 100% for a long time even in his withered and weakened body. and Shimura, the only other OFA user we’ve seen at this juncture, was obviously super cool and tough, but it wasn’t like she was a female body builder or anything

and then of course there’s the question of exactly how much stronger Deku’s version of OFA is, though. how much of a difference is there because All Might’s strength was added to the mix? that obviously makes a big difference as well

basically I still have a lot of questions! maybe I should get back to this training scene and see if it answers any of them!

so he’s telling Deku to visualize the image of OFA -- the egg in microwave image again, I guess? -- and remember that sensation in his body. basically he’s trying to coach him on bringing it out intuitively

and Deku’s thinking to himself that even though they were both born quirkless, there’s a big difference between them still

so this does make it sound like a lot of it is mental

honestly that’s exciting and very important to me because it means that if Deku ever has a breakthrough, he could potentially make a huge leap forward in progress very suddenly

(ETA: LOOOOOOL good god I’ll say.

also! now that I know more about future developments with OFA, I’ve been thinking that I wasn’t giving Deku enough credit here. he is, in fact, just as much of a prodigy as All Might, I think. the difference is that All Might was able to master the physical aspects of OFA, whereas Deku seems to be more in touch with the spiritual side that All Might (supposedly) never really awakened. or to put it in Avatar: The Last Airbender terms, All Might was more of a Korra and Deku is more of an Aang. fortunately for Deku, it seems that being in tune with the spiritual part of OFA gives you access to some really neat stuff, holy shit.)

HOLY SHIT

THIS DUDE’S STILL GOT IT

holy shit that came out of nowhere at top speed and he caught it without looking like a total badass. WHO EVEN NEEDS ONE FOR ALL. OR ORGANS

so now Mei’s traipsing out of the woods and asking if anyone got hurt. nope, but you almost killed my husband and my son so try to be more careful next time

Deku’s belatedly realizing that this looks kind of weird, him being out in the middle of the woods having SECRET TRAINING with All Might at the crack of dawn

so All Might, master of improvisation that he is, is switching to Kansai dialect for some reason. to try and disguise himself. because of course that’ll work

thankfully, out of everyone they could have stumbled across in the woods, Hatsume Mei is the most singularly one-track-minded person they could have possibly met, and she’s barely even batting an eye

hmm?

new item, eh?

and he’s surprised and says he thought it wouldn’t be ready until after the cultural festival

but she already had the materials, so she says it’ll take no time at all

so he’s thanking her and now she’s walking off again

and by the way, this thing that All Might caught literally is a golden snitch, though

All Might > Harry Potter confirmed

(ETA: and by the way, this makes two HP references two chapters in a row, given the title of 1-B’s play. Horikoshi must have recently marathoned the films or something)

now he’s asking Deku about the new item

Deku says there was something he wanted to try out with his new technique

All Might is mentioning that he also tried using support items at one point back in the day, but apparently they only ended up getting in his way and tended to break whenever he went over 20-30%

oh hey

haven’t seen this in a while. here I thought his suit was way too fitted to accommodate this sort of thing anymore. he’s probably ruined it now

(ETA: you can actually see that the top button is about to pop off lol)

anyway, he’s telling Deku that using support items is great, just so long as he doesn’t end up relying on them too much

he says he’s seen a lot of instances where heroes that relied too much on their items had a bad time when those items were lost

this kinda seems to go against what Aoyama was saying a few chapters earlier. he’s an example of someone who does rely on a support item, and he seems to do all right. but I get what All Might is trying to tell him though

so Deku is all “got it!” and clenching his fist determinedly

aww

it is, though. I was just thinking that. I adore these All Might/Deku training scenes and it’s been great to have a return to this

so now we’re cutting back to Heights Alliance, and I’m assuming it’s the evening because the moon is up

Bakugou is squabbling with Kaminari and telling him he he plays too fast. Kaminari says Bakugou is the one screwing them up because he keeps improvising

obligatory posting of this panel of MomoJirou being lesbians

I live for the little things, I really do

omg

okay, (1) this is the cutest thing that’s ever happened ever in history, and (2) I just remembered that that was the chapter title. “imperial golden tips.” so it appears the chapter is named after Momo’s fancy tea that her mom sent her

everyone’s all excited to try it because it’s fancy rich people tea

lmao. Ochako’s asking if Deku’s going to have any, and

“am I... a bad nerd??” Deku berates himself while lying awake in bed that night sobbing uncontrollably

so I think that while Deku and Ochako are being clumsy dorks here they’re going to accidentally click on one of Gentle’s videos perhaps?

yep

in a way it’s kind of charming to know that Youtube’s suggested videos algorithm is still complete shit even in the BnHA universe 200 years from now. Deku was looking for All Might support items. Youtube: [brings up villain tea videos]

so Ochako has no idea who he is, but Deku’s actually heard of him although he says he’s not too familiar. but he knows he’s an infamous Youtube Villain

:) the answer may surprise you!

though it shouldn’t, actually. you guys should just go ahead and assume you’re the targets of every upcoming villain plot from here on out. that’s the way the dice seem to be falling nowadays

now we’re cutting to Gentle and La Brava

Gentle is writing something out with a feather quill like some sort of Harry Potter character. I couldn’t come up with a more creative simile because my mind’s still in that mode thanks to the golden snitch earlier

this man just sits around in full costume writing letters with a quill even as a laptop sits inches away. he’s just that committed to his gig. he lives this life 24/7 huh

he says that the public is growing more and more dissatisfied with heroes nowadays, and it’s because they’re “feeble-minded”

I’d actually argue that at this point, them being attacked is the predictable thing

now La Brava is asking if he’s going to involve the kids that will become future heroes. YEAH, GENTLE

I’D ARGUE THAT THEY’VE HAD ENOUGH WAKE UP CALLS BY THIS POINT

like. can they live. can they just have this one little thing though, god

oh my god

thanks La Brava. this is why he keeps you around

so now they’re going over the route!

so they’re going to approach at 5 a.m. that morning, taking a route that passes by the fewest hero offices

then they’re going to turn onto a side road, go through a residential area, and then they’ll end up at a park

blah blah so about an hour will elapse during this time and they’ll end up at a rundown house that’s actually a cafe

and he says they’re going to stop there to get some tea

apparently they serve the same tea that that Momo was coincidentally serving to everyone earlier. the imperial golden tips stuff

so... they’re going to wait until the shop opens, and then take a 90-minute tea break

let me tell you, it sure is riveting going through every detailed step of this elaborate criminal operation

then they go back outside and pass through a construction site and then climb a hill

ah, finally!

yeah probably at like 5pm at this rate. the festival will have already ended and you shrug and turn around and head back home

he says that since Hounddog will probably be guarding the area, they’ll rub themselves with dirt and leaves to mask their scent

then they’re gonna hit the famed U.A. barrier, which is impossible to get through without a permit

but apparently La Brava is A HACKING PRO, so she’s gonna hack U.A.’s network and shut down their sensors

is it really that easy? shit. doesn’t U.A. have any IT heroes? little did we know this whole time the password to their network was 1234

lmao we’re flashing back to when they first met

“corrupt businessman scolded” sounds like the kind of shit that should have gone viral tbh

then one day La Brava tracked him down and said she was a huge fan and she offered to help him

she apparently hacked his address. since the police haven’t found them yet, I’m assuming they’ve since moved, or taken down that initial video, or both lol

so now he’s proclaiming that this time around he’ll proudly put his life on the line

aww

yeah so that’s basically it. and now time is progressing to the night before the cultural festival OH GOODNESS

BONUS:

so as promised, we’re gonna do two pages today since I flaked out yesterday!

page one - class B painting the prop dragon

nothing much to say about this one except that obviously they’re going to keep painting it until they’re fucking done painting it, Colander Man

page two - Kenrazaki Bibimi’s profile. I couldn’t find a scanlation for this, so my Google Translate-assisted version is below lol

likes: glittering people, glittering things

the beauty gal

“too beautiful. it’s fun to draw her eyelashes.” lol

is it weird that now that the shock of said lashes has died down some, I actually do think she is really pretty? lol what is this manga doing to me